#incident because its BEEN addressed and its BEEN discussed and its Over

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Lee Yaron

Published: Jun 16, 2024

Antisemitic comments by professors, harassment of Jewish students – Columbia University's antisemitism task force has heard hundreds of testimonies since its formation in November. Its members tell Haaretz about the mandatory orientation they plan and say they have agreed on an 'educational' definition of antisemitism

NEW YORK – One professor encountering a Jewish-sounding surname while reading names before an exam asked the student to explain their views on the Israeli government's actions in Gaza. Another told their class to avoid reading mainstream media, declaring that "it is owned by Jews." A third revealed a student's complaint about an offensive comment regarding Jews by publicly displaying their email to fellow students.

Several times, professors encouraged students to participate in pro-Palestinian protests or the Gaza Solidarity Encampment for extra credit, or conducted classes at protest sites. Other incidents included students wearing Jewish symbols having them torn from their person. Some were pushed out of student clubs they had been part of because they did not want to participate in group actions and statements against Israel's right to exist.

These are just a few of the hundreds of testimonies the Columbia Task Force on Antisemitism has documented that detail harassment, intimidation, discrimination and exclusion against Jewish students by professors and fellow students at the New York university since the October 7 Hamas massacre and subsequent war in Gaza.

The task force conducted over 20 listening sessions across the university, which found itself at the epicenter of the campus protests that have engulfed America this year, hearing from about 500 students and receiving dozens of written appeals.

Some of these testimonies are set to be published in the coming weeks in a new report focusing on Jewish students' experiences at Columbia.

The task force was formed last November by Columbia University President Minouche Shafik, Barnard College President Laura Ann Rosenbury and Teachers College President Thomas R. Bailey. The aim was to address the "harmful impact of rising antisemitism on Columbia's Jewish community and to ensure that protection, respect, and belonging extends to everyone."

From its inception, the task force faced accusations of being illegitimate from some pro-Palestinian faculty and students. Critics claimed its existence was politically motivated, designed to spread fear by exaggerating antisemitism and perceived dangers to Jews, suppress criticism, and distract from the plight of Palestinians in Gaza and the violent arrests of pro-Palestinian protesters.

Jewish students active in the pro-Palestinian protests and Gaza Solidarity Encampment also criticized the move, saying the task force misrepresented Jewish students who did not feel endangered on campus.

Haaretz has interviewed several members of the task force, who say they have documented hundreds of cases of Jewish students feeling discriminated against. This month, the task force has commissioned a large survey of the entire Columbia student population in order to collect data about different aspects of antisemitism on campus.

The members also discussed Columbia's planned response, including a new antisemitism orientation – mandatory for all new students and faculty – to educate on what Jewish students might find offensive. It will also provide for the first time an educational, not legal, definition of antisemitism.

The new definition is expected to determine that statements calling for the destruction and death of Israel and Zionism can be considered antisemitic, while criticism of the Israeli government cannot.

A real problem

"I'm a social scientist, and I believe exploratory research is important. Therefore, in order to make recommendations for changes on campus, we needed to truly understand student experiences first," says task force co-chair Prof. Ester R. Fuchs, who teaches at Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs.

"We heard from students who feel their identity, values and very existence on campus have been under attack," adds Fuchs, who has been a public affairs and political science professor at Columbia for 40 years. "My heart was broken listening to these students and what they were being forced to deal with."

Another co-chair, Prof. David M. Schizer, from Columbia Law School, notes: "Only when we talked to the students did we realize how serious the problem is. Unfortunately, there are still many faculty members who do not believe that there is antisemitism on campus, and some claim that antisemitism is being weaponized to protect pro-Israel views. We can put it this way: have there been antisemitic incidents? Yes, absolutely. Are there antisemitic faculty and students? Yes, there are some. Are all of them antisemitic? Absolutely not."

The third co-chair, Prof. Nicholas Lemann, from Columbia Journalism School, highlights the fact that the task force didn't have the authority to investigate specific cases. Instead, it was intended to identify wide patterns and solutions.

"In terms of what we've heard, Jewish and Israeli students are feeling very targeted and ostracized," he says. "The concept of Zionism has become unacceptable in some circles at Columbia. People are asked to promise that they're not Zionist. In the classroom, some feel uncomfortable because of intense criticism of Zionism."

Prof. Gil Zussman, an Israeli electrical engineering professor and member of the task force, is especially concerned by faculty members "who have been creating a discriminatory environment – by, for example, moving their classes and office hours into the encampment where 'Zionists were not welcome.'

"Based on conversations with students, we now know that some faculty members are unfortunately also creating a hostile environment toward Israelis in classrooms and are encouraging rule-breaking by student protesters," Zussman says. "For example, over 10 faculty and staff were standing outside Hamilton Hall when students broke in [on April 29 as part of the pro-Palestinian protest]. If I were a parent of one of these students, I would have major concerns about these faculty."

Schizer, who has worked at Columbia for over 25 years, says he is concerned about the inability of opposing groups on campus to have discussions with each other. "There used to be healthy discussion, including debates about Israeli government policy and the occupation," he says. "However, since October 7 the conversation has changed, with many asserting that Israel itself is illegitimate, and with students who disagree refusing to speak and study with one another.

"Part of what a great university does is introduce us to people with different opinions," he continues. "For a democratic society to flourish, we need shifting coalitions, not warring camps. People can agree about X and disagree on Y. The situation now on campus is not healthy. We're really missing something because we see the world as divided into two opposing camps that have nothing to do with each other."

One of the key points emphasized by task force members is that, unlike past protests at Columbia, which were directed at the establishment and the university itself, this protest has in many ways been aimed at students who lack the tools to cope with the intensity of the anger directed against them.

Student protesters targeting other students "are causing pain and isolation in a way I have never seen before on campus," Schizer says.

Fuchs adds that one of the task force's observations is that "the burden of dealing with these situations of harassment, intimidation, discrimination and exclusion has primarily been on the students. We can't allow it."

Several task force members highlight what they see as the university's double standards in ignoring discrimination against and exclusion of Jewish students.

Zussman elaborates. "If, for example, a student group were to use an abhorrent chant such as 'We don't want BLM supporters here,' there would be immediate consequences. However, chants such as 'We don't want Zionists here' have been normalized and currently have no consequences. These double standards are unacceptable and will eventually fracture the university."

Fuchs concurs, noting that the "standard at the university has always been to listen to those experiencing discrimination or hate. During the Black Lives Matter movement, we recognized the need to understand how certain words and behaviors affected individuals. Now, we need to be consistent and apply the same standard to Jewish students."

Burning questions

Both pro-Palestinian and pro-Israeli groups have demanded that the task force provide a legal definition of antisemitism to address the burning questions: Is anti-Zionism a form of antisemitism? Is challenging the right of the State of Israel to exist antisemitic? Is criticizing the Israeli government antisemitic, as some Israelis believe?

However, the task force members told Haaretz that providing a specific definition in the university's rules would contradict federal law – specifically Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which requires that policy definitions of discriminatory harassment be general and not treat separate groups differently. Title VI stipulates that no person in the United States shall, on the grounds of race, color or national origin, be excluded from participation in, denied the benefits of, or subjected to discrimination under any program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.

"In theory, we could specify what terms like 'discriminatory harassment' and 'hostile learning environment' mean when applied to Jews. But doing so would violate the law," says Schizer, who adds: "We don't need a dedicated definition for Jews."

A second reason the task force did not define antisemitism straight away was their belief that the university's definition should emerge from the experiences of the people themselves.

"If we were to define antisemitism for the students in advance, then we are narrowing the possibilities and precluding their experiences," says Fuchs. "In fact, other task forces at Columbia – such as those focused on gender and race following the George Floyd [murder in 2020] – did not start with a definition."

But after hearing from hundreds of students, the task force has decided to establish and publish a definition of antisemitism based on the students' experiences – an educational one, that is, not a legal one. This definition is designed to inform faculty and students about what can offend Jewish people and which types of statements can cause pain and discomfort.

An educational definition will not infringe upon freedom of speech on campus or prohibit potentially antisemitic phrases. It will simply inform community members of the harm their words might cause. This approach is not the decisive action some Jewish groups on campus were seeking.

"We are not trying to draw a very thick boundary around what is antisemitic and say everything outside that boundary is fine," Lemann explains. "However, certain kinds of statements can make a lot of Jewish and Israeli students at Columbia feel intensely uncomfortable. This does not necessarily mean that you will be forbidden to say those things – but you should understand how they are received."

The task force members confirmed to Haaretz that their definition of antisemitism will likely include chants calling for the annihilation of the Jewish state as being offensive to many Jews on campus. Chants criticizing the Israeli government will not be considered antisemitism in any way.

Antisemitism knowledge gap

One of the key innovations the team is working on is a new antisemitism orientation and training program, which will be mandatory for all new students and faculty.

"Columbia is a highly international community, and we recognized a significant gap in people's understanding of what can constitute an offensive statement for Jewish and Israeli students," Fuchs relays. "The training and orientation are designed to provide everyone beginning their time at the university with initial knowledge of what is acceptable and unacceptable in our community – similar to programs on sexual harassment and other issues. We aim for consistency: a consistent set of rules that are consistently enforced, ensuring everyone feels they are being treated fairly within the system."

Since the protests began, the university has initiated disciplinary proceedings against numerous students who allegedly broke Columbia's rules. This included suspending students and initiating other disciplinary actions, including putting them on disciplinary probation, restricting attendance at future events, and being required to attend educational meetings about their behavior and conduct.

Until this April, the initiated actions were published transparently on the Columbia website, but these have been deleted in recent weeks. The university also brought outside law enforcement onto campus to empty the pro-Palestinian encampment. More than 100 students were arrested, which resulted in harsh criticism of the university and widespread pro-Palestinian protests on campuses across the United States and Europe.

The first release to emerge from the task force was a report on protests, demonstrations and free speech, published in March. The next report will include a series of recommendations expected to go into effect before the next semester begins in September.

The task force has also highlighted the urgent need for better management of antisemitism complaints. The task force uncovered deficiencies in the complaint-processing systems across the university's various schools, with some complaints lost in bureaucratic procedures without any response. Many students are unaware of the appropriate channels for reporting issues, while many staff members are unsure how to handle such complaints. Additionally, there is a lack of transparency in the complaint-handling process and its outcomes.

"Different complaints go to different offices and you almost need a law degree just to understand the process," according to Schizer. "It's not enough to have good rules on paper: they must be enforced. Jewish and Israeli students currently experience unequal treatment, and I don't want them to get different treatment – and the law entitles them to the same protection as other groups. The key issue for the coming year is whether Columbia will enforce its rules equally."

In response to this story, a Columbia University spokesperson said: "We are committed to combating antisemitism and taking sustained, concrete action to ensure Columbia is a campus where Jewish students and everyone in our community feels safe, valued and able to thrive."

[ Via: https://archive.is/Yypaw ]

==

These are the antics of religious zealots rather than professional academics.

[forbiddennhoney]

a lot of yall use the word "accountability" to mean "shut up, disappear, never speak again, shunned forever" and it SHOWS

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 53)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

Over the next few days, this was exactly what Mark did and what he found was something Sean knew would upset you greatly. 

"It looks like your girlfriend's ex is a serial cheater  and he has been for quite some time," Mark divulged, as Sean listened intently, taking in all the information with great interest. He already didn't like Cillian but this, this just confirmed it all for him.

"In early 2009, he cheated on his ex-wife with Sianna Miller, then in 2010 he hooked up with some model from Brussels when they were attending some kind of event. He also had a few flings while filming, one with Annabelle Wallis in 2014 and another with his assistant Julia. Then of course he went on with your girlfriend and knocked her up, but who's counting?

"Fuck me," Sean gasped as his face blanched at this revelation and he felt disgust building up within him. 

"Do you think she knows?" Mark  asked, looking at Sean with curiosity written all over his face.

Sean sighed heavily, "I doubt it. She's too engrossed in the whole idealized perception of this man to actually see who he really is," he told his friend impassively.

"You still want to play this game, then?" Mark taunted, grinning at his friend's reaction.

"I think so," Sean replied flatly.

"Good because I called that woman from Brussels, and she confirmed the affair," Mark said proudly, wondering how Sean could possibly break the news to you now that he had some proof.

"And what now? Am I just going to tell her about it or, -?" Sean  pondered aloud to himself before rubbing his temples with his thumb and index finger, feeling a growing sense of urgency brew within him.

Having spent hours on end gathering the information on Cillian's alleged infidelity, Sean couldn't help but feel a strong compulsion to confront you with the evidence, forcing you to make a decision regarding your future with this man.

But, at the same time, Sean also knew that his actions could potentially cause the two of you to drift apart as well. Revealing dirt on your ex would make him look bad and jealous, which was something that could be detrimental against winning you over. 

Thus, Sean spent several days mulling over the best course of action, coming up with various scenarios and schemas until, eventually, he hit upon a seemingly flawless plan.

Mark had agreed to write about it to you, anonymously, seeking your comment on these allegations before publication would take place. He knew that this would prompt you to discuss the matters with Cillian and thereby creating a conflict between the two of you just before the wedding without Sean actually having to get involved.

Sean thought that this was the best way to go about it and make you question the wisdom behind your ongoing platonic and yet conflicting relationship with Cillian.

And, of course, the plan worked when, on the Monday morning, a few days before Siobhan's wedding, you received an email with the subject line "Unverified Allegations Against Cillian Murphy - Invitation to comment" sent from a reporter at the Irish Times, from an email address you didn't recognise. 

"Dear Miss Y/LN

I am writing to invite your comment for an article that is currently being put together here at the Irish Times. The article deals with unverified allegations of extensive infidelity of the Hollywood actor, Cillian Murphy, with whom I understand the recipient of this email had an affair during 2023. 

The allegations relate to incidents reported between 2007 to 2024 respectively and whilst we have already received statements confirming these allegations from some of the other women involved, including model Alana Simmons and two others, we would also welcome and appreciate any relevant comment you would wish to make.

I look forward to receiving your reply, which we will ensure is included in its entirety in our article.

Kindest Regards

Mark Schulze

Reporter

The Irish Times"

You squinted at the screen, feeling a strange mixture of shock, anger, and confusion. What the fuck was this?

You stared at the email, your heart beating fast. You couldn't believe what you were reading. It couldn't be true, could it? He had always been adamant that you were the only one he had ever cheated on Danielle with and you wondered whether it was all a lie.

Was all that you had together a lie? Did he ever love you? Could he ever love you?

Tags:

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@nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[wardenparker]

Vampire Waltz - ch 14

Max Phillips x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

A mysterious inheritance, sprawling mansion, eccentric roommates, friendly bat, and coven of New England witches are the newest chapter of your life after being unceremoniously dumped and kicked out by your boyfriend. For Max, the biggest change in his life is you, and what exactly he's going to do about the fact that he is stuck living with you as long as his sire continues to punish him for that incident at his last office...

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+! Word Count: 9.4k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: deceased parents, cursing, food, blood and blood drinking, depictions and references to abusive relationships. Anxiety and trauma responses. Self-worth issues.* Cute and cocky Max, the triumphant return of Cutie the Bat, so much fluff, dancing as foreplay, discussions of sex. Summary: An unexpected invitation yields surprising revelations, and Max has some help in planning a night that neither of you will ever forget. Notes: This week enjoy a colorized photo of Cornelius Vanderbilt II and wife Alice's palatial primary residence at 5th and 57th in Manhattan. Sold in the late 1920s, the mansion was later demolished and the current Bergdorf Goodman's location built in its place. At the end of the chapter I've added in a black and white photo of the house's ballroom, which makes a special appearance in this chapter!

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13

The entirety of the journey traveling from Newport to the Vanderbilt’s house on Fifth Avenue is far more tiring than you had anticipated, and when you walk in the front door of the grand mansion — with its palatial fireplace that you have only seen in photos from the Metropolitan Museum of Art — it suddenly makes a lot more sense why people talk about travel being such an undertaking in the past. You are, in point of fact, exhausted. And dirty, which is unexpected. The kicked up dust and dirt from train terminals, unpaved roads, and all manner of other frustrations has your wishing for a bath.

That will have to wait, though, as almost the moment you walk through the door Mrs. Vanderbilt is by your elbow with an envelope. “This arrived for you this morning, dear,” Alice tells you with an impressed smile. “It seems you have been summoned.” The look of confusion on your face must be particularly lustily unintelligent because Alice Vanderbilt’s smile softens into something maternal. “Mrs. William Astor has asked you to tea, I suspect. You must have made quite an impression on her at the Brown’s ball.”

“Oh!” The imposing woman in her fifties had made quite the impression on you, as well, and you carefully open the envelope that Alice has pressed into your hand. It is exactly as Alice predicted, and you look up at the grandfather clock in the hall. “Just a few hours…” you murmur, looking over at Max, Annie and Emmanuel with concern pursing your expression. “It…seems to only be addressed to me?”

“Because the invitation is just for you.” Alice hums, as if the answer is obvious. “Do not be alarmed, most often highly statured ladies like Mrs. Astor prefer their socializing in smaller circles.” She leans in and lowers her voice. “Less gossip that way.”

“I will do my best not to embarrass any of you with poor manners.” It’s an honor, in this time and this place. You know that. But that doesn’t mean you’re not seriously nervous.

“After watching you charm a ballroom, I would never dream of such a thing.” Alice waves away your concern. “Come. You must be exhausted by your journey. I will have some tea and refreshments sent to your rooms.”

While Annie and Emmanuel are shown to separate rooms on opposite ends of the long second-floor hallway, you and Max are let into a green-and-white decorated guest room on the third floor that sports one slightly larger bed. The footman who showed you the way leaves you with a bow and closes the door to give you privacy, leaving you standing with Max in the middle of the luxurious room.

“Swanky.” Max hums as he looks around the room. “I have to admit, there’s something missing in modern decor. It’s just not as…elegant.”

“I like that we have the whole newlyweds thing going for us,” you admit, looking around the room while you lean into his side. “They just assume we want to be close to each other. And they’re right.”

Max smiles smugly. “Of course you want to stay close to me.” He brags, winking at you playfully. “You want my body.”

“If you’re going to be cocky about it, I’m not going to tell you what I’ve been thinking.” Raising one eyebrow at him, you dearly wish you were in comfortable jeans and a sweater so you could just plop down on the mattress and stretch out. The traveling dress you have on definitely won’t permit that.

He eyes you wickedly and bites his lip. “Yeah?” He hums. “You don’t want to tell me that you’ve imagined me under that dress of yours? Tongue at work while you pretend to be prim and proper?”

“I’ve been imagining more than that.” It seems like every step you take with him only spurs you onto the next a little faster. Knowing that his tendency toward caretaking with you isn’t just a show or just to get in your pants means more than you can really say. Max loves you, fully and without ulterior motive. And you love him the same.

“Oh yeah?” He snags your waist, pulling you close and grinning as he pulls the bow around your waist loose. He’s teasing you, but he also knows you must be desperate to get out of your dress.

“Maybe.” Flustered and dreamy-eyed, you put your arms around his neck and let him hold you as close as he wants. “Are you really gonna get me all riled up before I have to go have tea with the Mrs. Astor?”

“Why don’t I relax you before you have tea with the Mrs. Astor?” He poses. “Make you cum while you clean up.”

“A very dirty way of getting clean.” You hum, tipping your head back to silently ask for a kiss. “And maybe…a preview to tonight?”

“My wife is greedy.” Max boasts happily. “Wanting to sleep with a tongue inside her.”

“I was thinking maybe…” You can’t help it, biting your lip to keep the grin blossoming across your face from getting too big. “Of a different part of you…”

“Fingers?” Max lifts a brow at you and grins when you shake your head. “Toe? I’ve never tried that before, to be honest.”

"I'm ready." You tell him, warmth in your cheeks and in your smile. "If you are."

“Are you sure?” Max asks seriously, reaching up and brushing his fingers over your pulse. “I don’t want you to rush because you think I’m impatient.”

"I'm sure." His sweetness is part of the reason, but you know he would deflect if you said so. "I love you, and I want to celebrate that."

“It will be good.” He promises sincerely. “Like you’ve never experienced before.”

“If it’s good then it definitely will be like I’ve never experienced before,” you joke, rolling your eyes in exaggeration to make him laugh. “Honestly love, please don’t feel any pressure. I just…I want to share this with you. That’s all.”

“I’ve felt plenty of pressure.” Max jokes, smirking at his innuendo. “But if you’re ready, the perfect place to make love to my wife for the first time, would be in the bed at the Vanderbilt’s mansion.”

“Time travel bragging right.” Every time he gets so proud to call you his wife it gives you a little shiver and you grin.

“And it’s not like we are breaking into a museum to do it.” He chuckles and turns you around to start unbuttoning the back of your traveling dress. “It will be quite the ‘feather in your cap’ as your grandfather likes to say.”

“And we’re even in the time where people actually wear feathers in their caps.” His nimble fingers are quick to undo the outer layer of your dress, pulling away the top to let you stretch a little more easily in just your corset cover and corset above what seems like miles of petticoats. Without those big sleeves it’s a lot easier to move.

Max snickers. “I’m just grateful we didn’t come to a time where wearing tights was fashionable.” He jokes.

“Why not?” You smirk at him over your shoulder. “You’ve got great legs.”

“Yeah, but it would leave nothing to the imagination, package wise.” He snorts.

“Those big ‘ol pantaloons they wore over the tights would.” It reminds you of a Shakespeare show you saw once, and the idea of Max back in that time scraping out thees and thous makes you giggle. “Maybe I’ll get the hang of this time traveling stuff and we’ll be time tourists. Who knows?”

He hums, knowing that you both can be time travelers in your own time as well, watching history unfold as you both remain ageless.

Max helps you out of your skirt, letting you shed all those extra pounds of beading and embroidery for a little while before you have to put on something suitable for Mrs. Astor. You have very little idea of what Renée packed but you’ll manage, just enjoying the freedom of lighter layers for now. Petticoats and a bustle don’t weigh too much, you’ve been surprised to find.

“Better?” Max loves the sight of you in the undergarments of the time, honestly playing into the time period movies that he had watched when he was younger. Sometimes hoping to get laid, but that one – Pride and Prejudice – that was just a guilty pleasure.

“It’s so hard to move in the full dresses.” Which is why you’re wiggling happily and stretching everywhere now that you have a little freedom. “At least we didn’t come back to the age of six-foot crinolines. You wouldn’t be able to get near me at all.”

“I don’t know what that is, but a crinoline sounds horrible.” He gives you a mock look of horror. “Don’t sent us there.”

“I promise.” He gets the giggle out of you that he was hoping for, and you turn to lean against him because you still have the bustle underneath your petticoats tied in place so you can’t just back up into his arms.

“How come the history books never talk about how dirty traveling is?” Max snorts, knowing that both of you need a bath.

“Because no one wants to read about horse shit and dust everywhere.” You laugh along with him. “I wish I had time for a bath but apparently travel by horse-drawn carriage takes foreeeeever.”

“You want to get clean, baby doll?” Max smirks. “I can clean you up real quick.”

“Speed bath?” You raise one eyebrow at him.

He chuckles. “Perks of moving fast, sweetums.” He had overheard the nickname on the dining car last night and had fallen in love with it, to tease you with, of course.

When you roll your eyes it’s entirely joking, but you cross your arms appraisingly and smirk. “Alright. Go for it.”

“Done, baby doll.” He snaps his fingers as if he were a magician, drawing your eyes away from the trick before he begins to move quickly.

When he wants to be, Max is a whirlwind. Before you know it your petticoats are strewn around the room and your corset seems to disappear in a flash, along with your chemise and stockings, all while you barely feel him touch you. The tornado of movement carries you so easily to the bathroom and within minutes you’re scrubbed clean and dry again.

When he stops moving, it’s obvious that Max has also cleaned up while taking care of your quick wash. Grinning and not even breathless as he eyes you. “Believe me now?”

“Baby,” you smirk, the expression rolling over your features with glee. “I never doubted you. I just wanted to see you show off.”

“Good.” He winks at you and shrugs. “Now you are all clean and can enjoy your visit with Mrs. Astor.”

“Wish me luck?” Walking over to the set of buttons built into the carved wood detailing of the guest room, you press the one marked to connect to you maid and sigh. You are definitely going to need Renee’s help picking out a dress.

“Of course.” Max snaps his fingers again. “I could come with you.” He offers with a coy grin.

“I don’t think the Mrs. Astor would take kindly to a bat in her house.” Though you grin broadly at the idea.

“I would make a fashionable hat accessory.” He huffs, miffed that you might deny him the opportunity.

“If you think you can hold still for an entire tea visit, I’ll take you with me.” It’s sweet of him to want to come with you, though you know it’s also because he’s an incorrigible gossip.

He tuts because he knows you’ve got him there. There’s no way he wouldn’t ruffle his wings or trill at you in his bat form. “She might like bats.” He grumbles.

“She might.” When he pouts you can’t help but kiss him, and your hand on his chest feels the thrilling thud of a single heartbeat as your lips brush his. “And if she does, I’ll bring you next time. If there ever is a next time.”

“Ooookaaaaayyy.” He rolls his eyes, playing up the pouring before he shrugs. “Tea sucks anyway. Kind of like me.” He jokes, waggling his brows. “Get it?”

“Har har har.” The exaggerated laughing noise makes both of you bust out into giggles just before a knock sounds at the door and Renee enters.

“You rang, Ma’am?” She asks politely, stock still in her own immaculate uniform. No doubt she had already cleaned herself up from the trip.

“I was hoping you might have packed a nice tea dress for the trip, Renee.” Standing in your chemise and robe in the middle of the room is more than a touch unconventional, but so are you. “I’ve had an invitation from Mrs. Astor.”

“Ohhhhhh.” Her eyes widen slightly and she nods eagerly. “I have a beautiful teal tea dress that would be perfect.” She insists.

“Well,” you flash both of them a smile, with Renee zipping right past you to the closet where your and Max’s clothes have been stored. “Here goes nothing.”

******

More than an hour later, after all the fuss of redressing, restyling, saying your polite ‘good afternoon’s to the Vanderbilts, and being bundled in and out of a carriage all on your own to take you a mere twenty minute carriage ride from number 1 West 57th Street to 350 Fifth Avenue. The house is even grander than the old photo on the damn Wikipedia page you’d seen ages ago, and you swallow thickly as you walk up to the door and ring the bell. Somehow you’re just certain Mrs. Astor’s butler will be the most intimidating possible version of that career choice.

Instead of the butler answering the door, Mrs. Astor herself is the one that pulls the door open. She had been sent word that you had accepted her invitation and had been looking out for your carriage to arrive. “Mrs. Phillips!” She beams as she opens the door wider and steps back. “I am so pleased you decided to accept my invitation.”

“It was very kind of you to ask me.” Astonished to find the woman herself standing in the front hall of her house, you falter and damn near curtsy as a footman appears to whisk your gloves and reticule away. The small hat perched on your head — not adorned with a particular bat — stays firmly in place.

“When Alice Vanderbilt told me you were going to be in town, I knew I had to have you to tea.” She slides her arm through yours and notices you craning your neck around to look at the interior. “You and Mr. Phillips will be building homes, correct? Let me give you a tour? We have so many modern conveniences.”

“We haven’t decided where to build yet.” Polite conversation seems the way to go, as Mrs. Astor escorts you around the first floor of the fashionable and enormous brownstone they call home. “We may make our home in Newport year round.”

“I would love to have a permanent home.” She admits easily. “Packing up everything I need from one home to another is so tiring at times.”

“But the summers are not always pleasant here, and winters can be isolating in Newport.” She leads you through the hall to a stunning sitting room and it’s really all you can do not to stare the way you did your very first day at your home in Newport. “There must be some advantages for being able to travel where the weather is nicest?”

“Of course there are. I know that I am very fortunate to be able to escape the intolerant weather.” She knows that she is privileged and is thankful for her children’s sake. “I would love a frolicking bath in the gardens. Or a pool, but William says that it’s too much effort.”

“Max doesn’t particularly care for the beach. I think he would probably love a pool instead.” Although, the thought of him indignantly turning into a bat just to be out in the sunshine to see you in a swimsuit almost makes you giggle.

“Then perhaps you will have an indoor pool?” She suggests. “You can swim no matter the weather outside.”

“Perhaps.” She seems delighted for you at the prospect so you smile. “And if we did, you would certainly be welcome to visit.”

“I would be visiting often.” She admits with a grin as she guides you back towards the parlor where the tea is being laid by one of the footmen.

If you had any intention of staying in this time, it would be an immense compliment. But as it is, you have to take the fact as what it is — if you get stuck here, then Lina Astor is a valuable ally to have. “You will be most welcome, pool or otherwise.”

“You are kind. And that is a refreshing thing to find.” She hums, smiling as she settles you both down on the sofa. “Very refreshing indeed.”

“It was an honor to receive your invitation.” It is, and you’re aware of that, but you’re still wondering why she invited you here other than the fact that you’re staying with the Browns. It’s not as though she knows you’re their granddaughter.

“Then I am happy you accepted.” The footman has disappeared, and Mrs. Astor leans forward to pick up the teapot. “It is not often I find other kindred spirits in my circle.”

“I—I’m sorry?” The comment takes you off guard, and you feel a little like a deer in headlights at the moment.

Her smile turns slightly coy and she tilts her head. “I don’t think that I’m mistaken.” She tells you conversationally. “Another time traveling witch?”

The mistake you made was reaching for the teacup that the footman had set beside you before leaving the room at exactly the moment Mrs. Astor said the words ‘time traveling’. Your hand clatters past the cup and saucer, nearly upending the small table beside you as your eyes grow as wide as dinner plates. “E—excuse—” Oh, Max is going to be so mad he isn’t here for this. “How could you possibly—?”

“Know that you aren’t from this time?” She muses and sets down the tea set to tap her brows. “You must have just waxed your brows before you travelled back.” Her eyes are flashing with intrigue. “What year had you left?”

"I—" It automatically makes you hide your hands, like she could somehow know that you had just taken off your nail polish the day before. "Um...2023..." you murmur, feeling very oddly like you've been caught by the Time Travel Police or something equally insane.

“Ohhhhhh.” She smiles excitedly and leans in. “Tell me about it, please?” There’s a plea in her voice that is barely noticeable under the excitement.

You don’t even know where to begin, swallowing hard and realizing that the conversation might not make any sense – in an insane sort of way – without context. "When...when have you, um...traveled to?" This time you manage to get the teacup firmly into your hands, but you're sure they must be shaking violently as you can't tear your eyes off the prim and proper madam of New York society.

“I think you misunderstand.” Lina shakes her head and reasons that it’s not a logical conclusion. “I was born in 1965. This is the time I travelled to.”

"What?" When you almost drop the delicate teacup all over again, you just shove it back onto the table.

“I would never have believed it myself.” She admits easily, continuing to talk. “However, how do you deny yourself in photographs from decades before you were born?” She asks. “I know some might think there a doppelgängers, historical figures that look like other people in different times, but I believe, like me, they are witches who have travelled to their proper times.”

"Does that mean...that once we travel...that we're stuck?" You ask, eyes widening impossibly yet again. "We go back to our proper time and stay there?" The possibility hadn't occurred to you, but it seems alarmingly real to hear her talk about it.

“Perhaps that it the wrong wording.” Mrs. Astor concedes. “Because I could have chosen to go back, but why would I when my soulmate was in this time?”

"I suppose that would account for the decision." The way your mind seems to be scrambled is the only thing that makes perfect sense at the moment, but shaking your head doesn't seem to set any of your thoughts straight at all – except one. "So there is a way to go back, then?"

She frowns slightly, tilting her head. “You mean you didn’t come here on purpose?” She asks softly, trying to understand why you would travel through time if not for a reason.

"It was an accident," you admit, feeling all the more amateurish for it. "I was trying to cast a protection spell and it...sort of imploded around me. Instead of banishing the person from where my soulmate and I were, it brought him here with us."

“Oh my.” Her eyes widen slightly and she knows there must be more to the story. “Hopefully, that person is no longer a bother to you and your soulmate?”

"No." A fact which has brought you no small amount of relief. "No. He certainly is not." This might be the most insane situation out of all of the insane situations you've ever found yourself in, and you lean forward in your seat unconsciously. "So..if you were born in 1965...do you mind if I ask where you were born? I'm endlessly curious now."

She grins and leans in. “California.”

"This is just...absolutely insane." The shake of your head still doesn't align your thoughts, but at least this time when you laugh in disbelief you don't feel foolish for it. "And you just...saw yourself in a history book?"

“Imagine my surprise.” She snorts and shakes her head. “But I just knew that it was me.”

"And I thought my story was crazy," you huff, exhaling like it's the biggest relief of your life.

“Believe me, there’s few who know my story.” Lina laughs, reaching over and covering your hand with your own. “How do you explain a colored rose tattoo on your pelvic bone to a man who has never even thought of a tattoo?”

“Oh my god.” Barely managing not to snort when you burst out into giggles, you cover your mouth and manage to recompose yourself. “That…that would not be easy,” you admit readily. “Although I guess at least it’s somewhere easily hidden.”

“Yes. William has accepted that I am from a different time, but my maid believes it is a strange birthmark.” She snickers.

“That is a remarkably detailed birthmark, Mrs. Astor,” you snicker softly, shaking your head. “Mine is essentially a blob.”

“Just so.” She agrees. “How are you acquainted with Mr. and Mrs. Brown, really?”

“I suppose it’s a moot point, to ask you to keep my secrets when you’ve already shared yours. We’re in this together.” And what a fucking weird person to even say that to, you think with an internal huff. “They are my grandparents. But only Mr. Brown knows who I really am.”

“Grandparents…how delightful.” She hums as she picks up your cup of tea and hands it back to you. “I expect that it’s easily possible because of your vampiric bloodline, your mother waited to give birth to you?”

“I should not be surprised that you know so much, I suppose?” It’s astonishing to you, but maybe it shouldn’t be. Doesn’t everyone have friends who keep their secrets? Especially within the magical community. “Yes. She did. She waited quite a while.”

“Your grandmother is the leader of her coven in Newport.” She reminds you. “I am the leader of the coven here. William has actually talked to your grandfather about immortality.”

“Really?” Imagining the Astors in the future makes your head spin a little, but how is it any weirder than you coming back to this time? “If you ever find yourself in 2023, come and visit.”

Picking up her own tea, she adds a sugar cube and stirs it. “Your soulmate is immortal? Or just a lucky human? I wasn’t quite able to tell.”

“Max is immortal.” And you almost laugh to yourself, thinking again how much he would love to be here for this. “My grandfather was his sire…either several years ago or it will be many years in the future. Depending on how you look at it.”

“How fascinating it all is.” She wonders, blowing on her tea and taking a small sip. “What a wonderful connection. I hope that your time here is fruitful?”

“I hope so, too.” You admit, blowing out a sigh of your own. “Of course, if I can never figure out how to get us home, our time here will be permanent.”

“Yes,” at the mention of that, Lina straightens. “That is why I asked you to tea. To get to know you, but also inquire if you are well versed in the spells.” She sets her tea down and stands, moving over to the bookcase. “I have all my own spells here, including the one to bring me to my William’s time.”

“I am not particularly well versed in any spells at all.” The idea of an Astor family grimoire piques your interest as you watch her move amongst the shelves, pulling things out quickly in a very particular order until a hidden panel in the wainscoting pops open. Of fucking course Mrs. Astor has a secret compartment for her grimoire. “My magical education came late in life.”

“The perhaps I might give you a copy?” She asks, knowing that you might not have your own family grimoire. If her own could assist you in creating one, she would be delighted.

"Are you serious?" At least the more modern phrase won't sound too foreign to her as you stare at the petite figure of Lina Astor over your teacup. "I—I mean—that would be so incredibly generous of you."

“I will start writing it out immediately.” She promises as she brings the leather-bound book over to the sofa. “By the time of your grandmother’s ball, it will be in your hands.”

"Then I suppose we're here until at least Samhain." A few weeks in 1885 won't do you any harm, but it makes your smile flicker slightly at the thought of missing your own Samhain ball. It makes you wonder how Allison and Eddie are doing – what they're doing – and if Yayo has even explained what's going on.

“Delightful.” She winks at you, even as she speaks properly. “You and I will have to have tea again then. I will call on you?”

"Any time." In the back of your mind you vaguely recall that the appropriate length of a social call in this time period is something absurd like fifteen minutes, and you figure that period must be up. "We're staying with the Cornelius Vanderbilts until Friday, then returning to Newport."

Nodding, she understands your reasoning and bites her lip. “I will be attending the opera tomorrow night, will you be attending as well?”

"My grandparents were kind enough to let us use their box." An actual box at the opera sounded like a beautiful night to you and Annie had been over the moon to bring Emmanuel to the Academy of Music. "My soulmate has never been to an opera before, so we should be in for a fun night."

“Then I will see you at intermission.” Lina decides with a warm smile. “I have to admit that I am very glad you came to tea. It had been a long time since I have talked about…things.”

"I'm glad I wasn't too nervous to accept." Standing from the sofa, you have just enough time to compose yourself before a footman steps up to the drawing room door. You can see your gloves and reticule lying on the table in the foyer and you know that that's your signal. "Thank you for having me, Mrs. Astor. I look forward to seeing you again."

“Call me Lina.” She demands softly, setting the book down and leaning in to give you a quick hug. “We are sisters after all.”

"I will see you tomorrow night, Lina." You squeeze her back gently before striding from the room and accepting your things from the footman with a smile. Whatever you had expected this visit to be, it was nothing like that at all, and you're all the more glad for it as you get into the carriage.

As soon as the door closes, the bat that had been sitting up on top of the curtain flutters down and lands in your lap, squawking.

"Well, hey Cutie pie. I know you." It's all you can do not to burst out into giggles, but you scoop Bat Max up in both hands and let him snuggle into your chest as the carriage lurches and starts off down the street to take you back to the Vanderbilt's house. "You're never going to believe the visit I just had," you tell him honestly, blowing out a deep sigh.

Max turns his head and practically sticks it down your bodice, thankful that the tea dress is lower cut than your traveling dress. Flapping his wings and squeaking in response to you.

"If you wanted to grope me, you could do it in human form," you snort, giggling at the little bat's antics. "So it turns out..." you cuddle your soulmate's animal form as the carriage bumps and jostles along the road, hand wrapped around his small body to keep him safe against you. "The legendary Mrs. Lina Astor? Is a witch."

Snuggled happily between your breasts, Max trills, hating that he has to pull away, but he can’t transform in your dress. “What?!?” He demands as soon as he is very much in a human form again, eyes bugged out in surprise.

“I swear on every god I can think of,” you promise, holding your hand up like it’s some kind of solemn oath. “But it gets crazier. She’s a fucking time traveler, too!”

“Bullshit.” Max huffs, not thinking you are a liar, but who can that be?

“I swear!” The way you practically double over cackling — or you would have doubled over if not for the corset — tells him how dead serious you are. “She was born in 1965. Saw herself in history books and knew she had to come back.”

“Isn’t that a mind fuck?” Max’s eyes widen. “One of the most historical female figures in America is a time traveler.”

“She’s going to make me a copy of her grimoire,” you murmur, voice full of awe as you lean into your soulmate’s side. “I can’t fucking believe I found another time traveler. And by accident!”

“It seems as if she recognizes something about you.” He worries about that slightly, but with Mrs. Astor as an ally, it would smooth a lot of issues for you should they arise.

“She noticed my eyebrows.” It’s such a stupid detail to you that it’s laughable, but it’s completely on point when you look at it. The fact that you had gone to the salon with Allison just the day before everything happened is what made your appearance stick out to a woman who actually knew what eyebrow waxing was. “She said she’d help me. So I can get us back safely. But…the copy of her grimoire won’t be ready until Samhain. So it looks like we have two more weeks in 1885.”

“I won’t mind that.” Max admits with an easy grin. “Although you might.” He snorts, lifting a brow. “You start your period in two weeks.”

“Pain killers in this time have cocaine and heroine. I am not taking a damn thing.” You’re not surprised at all that your blood drinking soulmate with a superhuman sense of smell already knows your cycle, so you just bypass that face completely. “I will be begging for hot chocolate, though.”

“All the hot chocolate you can drink.” He promises with a smirk. “I think your mother likes my hot chocolate too.”

“She does.” And of course he’s smug about that. He deserves to be. “But you can’t cave and give her the recipe. She used to make me Swiss Miss when I was a kid.”

“Oh no.” He huffs. “This is my secret recipe.” He insists. “You only get that when you’ve been married to me for a hundred years.”

"Real married or pretend married?" You tease, grinning as you snuggle deeper into his side.

“Real.” He snorts. “Have to make sure you’re with me for me and not my hot chocolate.” He teases. “Although, before I forget….do you want to dance tonight?”

"I'd love to." Your hand slips gently into his, fingers threading together, and you squeeze his hand in yours. With your head on his shoulder at the carriage bumps along the road, this is pretty damn close to bliss.

“Good.” Max’s fingers caress your palm. “I hired a little band of musicians to play for us after Alice said I could use the ballroom tonight.”

"You hired a band?" Reeling back to look him in the eye, your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline in surprise. "What's the occasion? Did I not know it was your birthday or something?"

“No.” If he was still living, his cheeks would be scorching hot, but he does look a little embarrassed. “Since it’s…since you want to…” he waggles his brows suggestively in an endearing immature way. “I wanted to make it special. A night you wouldn’t forget.” He also wants to show you that you deserve some to put in the effort for you.

"Honey..." Your gasp, you have realized since being with someone who doesn't need to breathe, is so uniquely human. He might be looking slightly embarrassed, but your jaw is on the floor of the carriage and tears have sprung up into your eyes as you stare at him. "You—really?" It's so far outside of the realm of what you could ever have expected that you don't even know what to say. "For...me?"

“Was it dumb?” He had been sure that you would love it. “It’s dumb. I should have asked, right?” He panics and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Dolly, I just wanted to make it special.”

"Max." Tugging on his hand slightly makes him look at you, and you shake your head fiercely even as you reach up with your free hand to touch his cheek. "That is the sweetest, most thoughtful, most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me and if we weren't already engaged I'd been asking you to marry me right here in this carriage." The watery shine in your eyes is nothing less than pure happiness and pride, and you lean forward to kiss him with soft surety. "In fact, I'm prepared to say fuck it and get married right here in 1885, just so I can proudly call you my husband for real."

He stares into your eyes for a moment, the unease fading and he bites his lip. “I just wanted you to feel special.” He admits quietly. “You are special. And I want you to believe it.”

"My whole adult life, no one has ever believed in me or loved me the way you have." It's somehow simultaneously exhilarating and humbling, the magnitude to which Max's love is worn entirely on his sleeve. It's obvious, not just evident, and you never thought that you were worth someone's entire devotion the way Max has given every ounce of himself over to loving you. "I hope I give back even half of what you do. And I'm glad we have literally all the time in the world for me to learn to love you exactly as well as you love me. Because you're special too, sweetheart."

“Of course I am.” He flashes you a smirk that is pure bravado, and more than a little facade, but he won’t argue with you. It would be pointless when you would say you weren’t worth it to him.

"I just never want you to doubt it, that's all." Max deals with his insecurities in very different ways than you do. You know that. So instead of huffing at him or rolling your eyes or anything of that sort, you just smile and kiss the corner of his mouth again.

“I knew I should have gone with you.” Max pouts, but he knows his presence might have derailed the conversation.

"Today will hardly be the last that we hear or see of Lina Astor," you remind him with a grin. "She might even pop up to 2023 to see us sometime."

“That would be pretty fucking cool.” Max muses. “Her husband has certainly made enough money to support them.”

"I don't know if he's ever actually time traveled with her, but it would be pretty fun if they popped into the future to visit." The two of you lean back again in the carriage, resting against each other's sides as it pulls around the corner of the avenue. "Can you imagine throwing a ball in 2023 and having an Astor show up?"

“No one would know who they were.” Max points out. “They could move through the time in complete anonymity.”

"Unless we find the one person who is like...an Astor family historian or something." That person must exist, you're sure of it. But thankfully, you definitely don't know them. Although if you did? That would be an interesting introduction. "You do know that if I get my time traveling down as well as hers, we could do that, too?"

“Has she travelled to other times as well?” He asks, confused as he wonders. Could that explain why the Astors had a golden touch in business?

"Visits are so short here that I didn't really have time to ask," you admit sheepishly. "But I offered for her to come and visit us in our time and she didn't immediately shut me down or anything, so I have to think it's possible. It's magic not like...a wormhole or a tear in the space-time continuum, right? So theoretically a witch who can master it should be able to pick their destination just like Marty McFly plugging a date into the Delorian."

“Do they make it in a broom model?” Max jokes, chuckling at his own humor when you roll your eyes. “It’s funny and you know it.”

“I’m getting a bumper sticker for abuela’s fancy car when we get home,” you inform him, laughing under your breath at your own bad joke. “My Other Ride Is a Broom.”

“You would not put a sticker on that car.” Max is horrified in a decidedly male way about that, his eyes wide and anguished. “My car’s probably been towed off, or stolen.”

“I’m sure Yayo had it picked up. After all— he knows where we are.” The carriage rolls to a stop and you stretch as much as your dress allows. “Home sweet temporary home.”

“What a temporary home it is.” Max snorts, admiring the grandeur of the facade. “I could see having a gothic style architecture if we were here permanently. Play up the spooky vibes.”

“Maybe we should build a house anyway,” you joke with a grin. “Come and go as we like once I figure out how to get us back and forth.”

“Which house in history has an ambiguous past?” Max asks, lifting a brow curiously.

“There’s a lot of them.” Off the top of your head there’s things like Boldt Castle in New York and the Winchester Mystery House. “And I bet Yayo would take care of it for us.”

“Hmmmm.” Max is thoughtful a moment before he shrugs one shoulder. “Perhaps it’s one of ours.” He tells you. “Stranger things have happened.”

“Maybe we’ll get back and Mrs. Taylor will hand us an extra set of keys.” The thought makes you grin, and the carriage jostles just as one is the Vanderbilt’s footmen comes out to open the door and lend you a hand. What seemed unnecessary and dramatic in period films now makes perfect sense. If you didn’t have help getting out of this carriage you’d never be able to find the sidewalk for all the dress you have to wear.

Max managed to turn into a bat before the footman opened the door. That way he will not cause any questions amongst the staff about how he wasn’t with you and then he was. Luckily for stealth, the dips and flounces hide your bat-ified soulmate from sight and you just climb the steps into the house neatly after saying thank you to the footman without anyone being any wiser.

Max smirks a batty little smirk and clings to the folds of your outfit, enjoying being carried into the house with no one the wiser.

******

When Mrs. Vanderbilt also falls in love with an idea, she isn’t one to sit on it. Max asking for the ballroom to dance with his bride sounded like the most thoughtful and romantic thing that she had ever heard of. She had pointed him in the direction of a small orchestra, and had personally gone to the kitchen to have the idea of a dinner for two planned out with the cook with a footman assigned to serve the quiet meal.

There were flowers everywhere. She must have sent Renee out to purchase every flower from every corner within a ten block radius. Bouquets of them set around a small garden table that has been laid out for two, a champagne bucket beside it. The candles and glass lanterns low enough to give the enormous room a romantic, intimate glow. You had been hustled through another bath, a fresh ball gown that had to come from somewhere, although you don’t remember seeing it amongst your purchases even though it is vaguely familiar, and some of Alice’s own jewels around your neck when you are escorted into the room to find Max waiting for you. His own bath done and his tailored tuxedo making him look every inch the dashing, handsome vampire that he is.

“This is a lot more than just dancing…” you gasp, one gloved hand going straight to your heart as you look around. The Vanderbilt’s expansive ballroom looks like it has been taken over by a fairy kingdom with the way it overflows with blossoms, and you look to Max in awe. “It’s stunning, love. You’re… you’ve…” There really aren’t words for the way your heart swells in your chest, and you walk over to him with sure steps to wrap your arms around him. “My soulmate is the sweetest man in the whole world,” you murmur against his chest.

“I didn’t do all this.” Max admits with a shake of his head. “I just mentioned that I wanted it to be special.”

“No?” You pull back from him, incredulous, and look around then down at yourself. “This dress?”

“Well…” he shrugs. “I asked Alice if there is a dress that was suitable for a night of dancing.”

“So I need to write Alice the world’s best thank you note for hosting us. That’s what you’re saying?” Looking at the pair of you together in the nearby mirrored wall paneling, though, your eyes widen in recognition. “I know this dress!” You realize just a second later.

“Really?” Max frowns for a moment and tilts his head. “From where?”

“From the attic.” Your eyes are wide when you look back at him and you practically giggle. “The day that we all dressed up and went to the mansion?” It seems like years and years ago that you were first getting to know the girls in the Newport coven, and the pang of missing them hits deeply. “Allison wore this.”

“How interesting.” He guides you over to the table and pulls out a chair for you to sit down.

"I guess it goes to show that this was supposed to happen?" When he sits down across from you, the two of you exchange a shared, soft smile. "Maybe we shouldn't be surprised anymore? Since life has thrown us so many curveballs already."

“It’s been nothing but adventure since you’ve arrived.” Max admits with a chuckle. “But I’ve enjoyed the ride. How about you?”

"I wouldn't change a single thing." And you really wouldn't. Even the parts filled with uncertainty or fear have brought you closer together, but more than anything he has given you strength and confidence that you never had before. Loving Max has made you a better person, inside and out. "And I'm very excited for every adventure that is still to come."

Smirking proudly, Max takes the bottle of champagne from the bucket and looks at it and then at you. “Sweetheart….do you want me to have this taken away?” He asks softly. “I don’t think Alice knew.”

"If you want to have some, it's okay." He likely won't, having insisted since the day he found out why you don't drink that he will abstain right along with you. But it's also not like this meal will hold much interest for him considering his preferred diet, so you give him the choice.

The bottle goes back in the bucket and he shakes his head. “I’m good.” He knows that you wouldn’t want any, but he always wants to continue to make sure that you know that if you want to have some again, you have that option.

The footman, confused by the turn of phrase, seems to understand that champagne will not be necessary and steps forward to remove the ice bucket and its contents. “I’ll let Alice know that we don’t drink alcohol when I thank her for tonight,” you tell Max. “It’s…all of this is absolutely beautiful.”

“Whatever you want to tell her, baby.” Max from before would offer advice, but he has learned that you just want to explain and not have your feelings or ideas overruled. “Tonight is about you and I want it to be perfect.”

"Tonight is about us." It's about growing closer and about this last, large step forward. You can't be sure if it's taken longer than you thought or far less time than you would have imagined, but having now spent enough nights actually sleeping with Max along with getting to know him, the time for euphemistic sleeping together feels exciting.

He might not feel that way, but he doesn’t argue. Knowing that it’s important for you that he also be included. His soulmate is actually very considerate and he is grateful for that. “Do you want to eat before we dance?” He asks with a grin. “Or work up an appetite?”

"I would hate to interrupt the chef's schedule." According to your abuela, meals in this time are a well-orchestrated dance all in their own right, and you look to the footman for any kind of confirmation or denial of a firm schedule existing. "Might we have time for a turn or two before the meal begins?"

The man smiles at the question, thinking briefly, and almost bows to you with his deep nod. "I will make sure of it, Mrs. Phillips. Please, enjoy yourselves," he says before excusing himself.

The tails of the tuxedo are something that Max believes should still be around in his own time, flicking them out as he stands and glides around the table. “Will you waltz with me, Mrs. Phillips?” He asks, bowing as any gentleman of the time would. Your Yayo had spent time to make sure that Max fit in and did not make any social blunders.

"Mr. Phillips, I would be delighted." You're both up and out of your chairs again, and the leader of the small band that has been hired takes Max's cue to strike up a lively but simple waltz. The man clearly took working up an appetite literally, and you have to smile as Max puts one hand around your waist and draws you in close – a perfect ballroom frame supporting both of you in place before he leads you into the dance.

Like every time Max has danced with you, he is struck by how seamless it is. It’s as if you and he become one at that moment and move in perfect coordinated unison. There’s not a split second’s hesitation, no faltering. Working easily as if you had been partners for a lifetime, which one day will be true.

The swells in the music become dips and turns, the swaying of your frame in Max's keeping you in time and making sure no feet ever get stepped on. The movement is smooth as silk and completely entrancing, although you know that some of your favourite moves are impossible in a gown this large. All that matters is that you and Max stay connected, moving together with fluidity and grace. Sometimes it feels like the happiest you've ever been are these moments dancing with Max, and you wonder if tonight might somehow equal that or make it feel even more magical than it already does.

The mood is already romantic, the music and the dance coupled with the lighting and what both of you know is to come. It’s fairy tale quality and still Max wishes for more. Wanting you to remember tonight forever, looking back at the moment that you truly became his and he became yours. For all his easy flirtations and past liaisons, he wants to continue to romance his soulmate, for everyday to be an opportunity for you to fall more in love with him.

"You're thinking awfully hard about something," you murmur when he pulls you back to his chest after a turn. His expression of concentration is so easy to pick out, and always makes you want to smooth your thumb over his forehead to soothe the creases away.

“Thinking about you.” He admits easily. “How you deserve so much more. How special you are.” He knows you will protest, but he will just have to dance with you more.

"The perfect example of why we're soulmates." Humming softly, you squeeze his shoulder with your off hand and offer him a soft smile. "We think the world of each other and nothing of ourselves." He has masked it with bravado for pretty much his entire life, but when it comes down to it, he has just as many issues with how he perceives himself as you do. "I love you, Max. Completely. You're the most special thing in the world to me, so if I'm as special as you say we're a hell of a team."

The words are the soft, sweet ones that he has craved his entire life and he savors them. Tucking you against his body and closing his eyes. “We are a hell of a team.” He insists. “Now we just need to find out what dancing between the sheets looks like for us.”

He manages to say it quietly enough that it doesn't echo across the ballroom, keeping it for your ears only, and you giggle with soft delight. You're actually excited for this, which isn't something that you were sure you would ever feel again. "I think it'll be very rhythmic," you tease.

He chuckles and nods. “A steady, continuous rhythm.” He promises. Unlike any previous lovers, Max doesn’t get tired. Any changes in the pace would be because he fumbles or he wants to change, not because he’s unable to keep it up.

"Mr. Phillips, I think that counts as scandalous," you hum, fanning yourself with your own hand dramatically and wishing that just this once you actually had one of those fancy hand fans to tease him with.

"You would faint in shock at all the scandalous things that I would do to you, Dolly." Max snorts playfully, sending you a hot look as he dips you low and presses his face into your breasts before slowly dragging you upright again.

“Maybe I would.” Considering there is an entire group of strangers in the room, you demure a little even though you’re shivering with anticipation on the inside. “Perhaps I am terribly proper and ladylike and this is where I’ve belonged all along.”

“I can see that.” He growls, flashing his fangs at you playfully for a split second. “And I am the wicked vampire ready to defile you.”

When you giggle and have to smother a snort, it’s because you’re sure that anyone overhearing this would assume you were really into sexy role playing or at least fantasy foreplay. When the fact is, it’s just who you are. A little silly, a lot romantic, and entirely devoted to making each other happy.

Around the room, your skirts swish and sway as he leads you. Speeding up and then slowing down along with the music. His eyes always on you as he twirls you around the dance floor. Aware that some of the Vanderbilt staff have peeked in, but it doesn't bother him, never minding an audience.

They're peaking in from around the corner screen and through the pocket doors at the end of the room, and you're dimly aware of their presence without ever minding it for a single second. Renee is probably with them, which makes you smile, and you hope she is enjoying the attention of fielding all sorts of questions about Miss Brown's mysterious new friends.

Max spins you again, taking this as seriously as any dance competition. He’s not expecting perfection but it seems that together, you move flawlessly. Making him proud of your abilities and he beams as he pulls you close again.

When the song draws to a close, Max holds you close to his chest instead of going for some dramatic end pose, letting the last strains of music fade away with you held fast to him as your heart beats wildly out of time. After a moment you become dimly aware of a soft clapping and glance over at the band, all of whom are politely applauding your performance. Your cheeks burn hot instantly and you laugh, but curtsy. It must not be often that they get a private show like this.

Max grins, proud of you and his movement shows it as he guides you back to the table for the first course. “My little ballroom dancer.” He coos softly. “So perfect.”

“I’m just following your lead, love,” you remind him softly. There is nothing but pure love in your eyes.

“Nothing I love more than to lead you around the dance floor, and hopefully something more tonight.” He smirks slightly and helps you sit down.

“I think we’ve moved past hope and into certainty.” As you sit down you give his hand a squeeze. You’re ready. Completely ready.

“Never want you to feel like you can’t end things immediately.” Max sits down and he immediately reaches for your hand.

“I know.” And you appreciate it more than you can say. “But I don’t think that will be the case.” If you’re honest, you’ve started to crave the closeness of him, so tonight is exactly what you want.

“I guarantee it won’t.” He winks at you playfully. “But I do want my wife to tell me exactly what she expects of her husband.”

“I promise.” And you will. Just…not where an army of servants can overhear every detail. That conversation is reserved for when you’re actually alone.

He can see the way your eyes flicker to the staff and he hums. “As you wish, Queenie.”

Dinner is gorgeous. An intricate dance all its own, executed with a precision that you really have to admire. Alice’s staff is amazing and the food is to die for. The band plays several more lovely songs for you, and you and Max dance well into the night. When you finally thank them for their time and go upstairs for the evening, you feel like you’re floating on air.

Max marvels at how warm and soft your hand is in his. Waiting for you to start sweating or even get slightly clammy from nerves, but you never do. Just soft sighs of happiness and beguiling smiles as you look over at him. "Tired, sweetheart?"

"Not at all." You've said goodnight to Renee and to Emmanuel's valet already, telling them you don't need help getting ready to sleep tonight, and that leaves just you and Max alone in your room together with a fire to keep you warm. "I do want to go to bed, though."

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo

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My Masterlist!

[anthroposeen]

tmagp 17 relisten notes!!

as always, tmagp and tma spoilers below the cut! hope you guys enjoy the breakdown :)

celia:

- she's been teleported to another road side, this time very close to a highway in oxford. she missed the play with sam and didnt have a way to contact him about it

- she wants to make up for missing the play by paying for their next date, and seems pretty genuine about her guilt and interest in him

- once the incident ends, she thanks the computer/chester for it. this could have been a sarcastic comment on her part, but it comes across as her acknowledging the case for what it is, and acknowledging that it is somehow curated for her. i think this is evidenced by her telling alice the incident wasnt very useful, implying she tries to find their meaning, and takes them as some form of sentience.

sam:

- he seems a bit peeved that celia didn't call him to tell him she had to cancel, and tells her to not make a habit of this kind of thing. i think its important to keep in mind that we've established he's very sensitive to rejection and people "not having time" for him.

- "im not a big horror fan" who's going to tell him?

alice:

- her computer keeps malfunctioning, showing a jmj error

- shes back to making bad puns and jokes at gwen's expense, a hard shift from her demeanor last episode

- she jokes to gwen about venting their problems as a group exercise, but denies actually having a problem to discuss

gwen:

- she helps alice with the jmj error, and says that colin hasnt been in the office in weeks, though theres no more word in his whereabouts

- she also! denies having anything to talk about! great communication guys!

incident:

- narrated by chester/jon, read at celia's desk.

- incident pulled from the magnus institute oxford outreach center -> important for the obvious reason and because celia woke up in oxford the most recent time she teleported

- darrien is given low viability for agent, subject, and catalyst

- states that "continued incarceration" is the advised method of containing/studying the subject and phenomena, implying that sometime after the statement was given, the magnus institute incarcerated darrien for unknown reasons.

- the statement was given by a man named darrien -> episode 13 also featured a darrien, but it doesn't appear to be the same man to me, i think its most likely that ajn and johhny are just having a good time with recycling names.

- darrien was in a court ordered anger-management program and was transported across dimensions during a therapy session -> intense meditation seemed to be the trigger here

- the receptionist at his therapy office was a "big, soft looking guy" who stumbled over his words, this is followed by the mention of a "bookish looking guy" who darrien says gives him weird pervert vibes. while these are incredibly in character descriptions for them both, i cant say im sure these are alternate-dimension's martin and jon. ide also like to point out that these are characters from darrien's previous universe, not the tmagp one where he finds himself.

- when darrien wakes up from his meditation he has a strong migraine, dry eyes, a stiff neck, and he was dizzy. later, he discovers hes emaciated as he continuously passes out. these symptoms seem to go away as he stays in this dimension

- he woke up in the tmagp universe in a shopping center, coming from a magnus institute outreach post -> seeing as how we know the main building is still active, it could be that the outreach centers also serve as "portals"

- he experienced similar things to anya villette's statement in tma s3. he couldnt contact his employer, had no emergency contact to give the hospital, woke up in a different location, and was taken to the wrong address.

- the tmagp native darrien (who ill call other!darrien for clarity here) was welcoming to his lost doppelgänger, letting him stay in his house and offering him advice on how to keep his anger in check

- darrien describes meeting his other!self as "trying not to fall through the cracks" -> potentially a call back to anya villette's episode "cracked foundation"

- they reasoned the coincidence out by figuring they were half siblings, though they were both named darrien. they discovered a couple of time discrepancies, seeing as their dad died on different days

- the housekeeper, sharon, was wary of them, giving darrien a scared look and looking for opportunities to leave the room when he was around

- when darrien asks how other!darrien manages his anger, hes taken to a heavy door in the basement. there was a single drop of blood on the staircase leading down. ragged breathing and pleading for help rose from below the stairs, and darrien refused to be a part of this anger-vent exercise. he pushed other!darrien into the room, locking it back.

- darrien denies the invitation into the torture chamber, "i couldnt join him down there with my father", later saying he felt guilty for not killing other!darrien and "saving whatever poor soul he had kept". at first, i thought that his other!father was being kept in the basement and tortured, but i think he uses his dad as a metaphor for the anger they both carry. this opens up the scarier realization that other!darrien is just torturing a random person

- once he locked other!darrien in the basement room, he adopted his life.

- sharon didnt return to darrien after her vacation was up, and its thought that she reported him to the institute, where we can assume they began his incarceration

glitches/lies:

- "i'm ok/its ok" spoken by celia as she's trying to reassure herself

- no glitches after gwen and alice say they have nothing to share. its very possible this is because they dont want to share with each other

extra comments:

- the jmj wrror stops popping up after alice proposes talking out their issues as a team, but considering they dont actually do that im chalking it up to a coincidence for now

- this incident follows chester's normal shtick: statement from the magnus institute, directly targeting someones business, and sort of providing a cautionary tale

- this may be my favorite incident so far. it has a very similar vibe to the early tma statements, and an ominous music bit from s1-2 even played briefly as darrien meets his dopplegänger (at least, thats what it sounded like to me). it has a lot of revelation-centered horror that really grabs me, knowing exactly who will be in the house as darrien knocks on the door and following his dopplgänger into the torture room were so vivid for me, its the exact type of horror that always makes me genuinely creeped out!

- this episode raises a lot of questions about the stability of this dimension, and all dimensions in general since there seems to be reoccurring leaks/cracks. this manifests as celia teleporting across space, existing in this universe in general, the giant cavern in the magnus institute ruins, and darrien's adventures in universe-hopping.

- as i mentioned in the incident points, jon and martin have a sort of hinted cameo in darrien's original universe, but a part of me refuses to believe its them just because i enjoy the mystery set up after mag 200. if this is all the content we get of potential jon and martin dopplegängers, ill actually be happy with that. i really do enjoy the notion that they exist in some boring reality somewhere else, and martin still stumbles over his words and jon still needs anger management therapy. i like that theres consistency even in an alternate universe. im certain we wont be seeing these vague background characters again, but i would love to see darrien's reaction to norris's voice.

[allie-leth]

So I've read a majority of the cass review now, and it definitely feels... weird? But that also could be that I'm not in research circles and the way in which things were expressed is simply a culture difference. However, I did find a lot of odd conclusions that seemed contradictory and a few items they used as a reference were generally extremely poor quality, such as the anonymous social-media shared survey on detransitioning. It felt like they were more critical of studies that produced pro-trans studies than of those that produced findings that agreed with their conclusions, but this may have been my own biases, so it's hard to say. It does repeatedly seem to associate that being trans is associated with mental health issues without much contextual references to the fact that living the trans experience being one that can cause those issues, and while it mentioned that dutch reports showed a lower incidence of comorbidities, it entirely failed to mention the culture differences that would result in trans youth in a more accepting area having fewer mental health issues, which... Idk, that feels worth mentioning in a section devoted to discussing the occurrence of gender dysphoria in youth and its high relation to mental health issues. It claimed that trans youth have a normal suicide rate 'when accounting for comorbidities," but only lightly discusses the source of those in relation to being trans. It also seemed weirdly highly focused on trans men, expressing over and over about how their numbers are increasing in extremely high numbers, but when information is compared to trans women, the numbers are relatively equal, so it's more about the amount of recent trans men than about the total numbers which feels weird. In some ways it does encourage better practices going forward, it's not wrong in the idea that transition is a really rough period for people, and mental health should be a standard practice of care alongside it, but it states that the mental health issues should be addressed prior to receiving any care, which feels particularly weird given its omission to the possible reasons for dutch comorbidities being so much lower as that has genuinely large implications for the rest of the fucking paper. It did seem weirdly obsessed with the ability of trans men to give birth, I'm not sure what's up with that. Also learned that according to a study in 2011, autism made me gay, and they also had a chart about how social media causes depression, which I'll share below because it seems so simplistic as to be funny.

Do understand that this isn't my field, while I'm somewhat knowledgeable on the topic, I wouldn't take my interpretations as fact because I just do not have the experience to fully interpret the tone and content of this report. If you know anyone who does, I'd love to hear their take on it. In trying to understand this report originally I went to news sources, and that was a fucking mistake, but I did get to hear some politician fear mongering about "Nearly 5000 trans youth this year!" (13-18) so I spent a few seconds to look up the total UK population 13-18, and it's ~3.65m, making this about .1% of the youth population in the UK. For context, on any given night, roughly 3500 UK youth experience unaccompanied homelessness.

[buriedalienfma]

In this week, Episode 6 of 'My Adventures with Superman' was released, and.....this was a weird one. Out of all the episodes we have of this show so far, this episode has got to have the weirdest premise, and whether that's a good kind of weird or a bad kind of weird, I'll leave up to you, because I can't decide for myself.

So here's my thoughts on Episode 6 (Spoilers incoming) :

So first off, I guess I'll have to address the ''controversy" from the previous episode. Apparently a bunch of people got mad about Lois's actions in the previous episode, saying that she was unreasonable for getting mad at Clark for hiding his identity from her, and also calling her "toxic" or whatever for jumping of the building to prove that Clark is Superman. If it sounds like I'm being flippant about this, it's because I am. Normally, I try to accept that different people have different opinions, but this is the exception - those people are wrong, and their opinion is wrong. I might have seriously over-estimated just how much people know about Superman through pop-cultural osmosis, because Lois discovering Superman's secret identity and getting mad about Clark keeping secrets from her is such a well-established Superman plot. It's been done in several Superman stories, and it's part of what makes the dynamic of Lois and Clark so interesting.

And as for Lois jumping off a building to prove that Clark was Superman, well that's just another thing that has its roots in other Superman stories. Lois pulling insane stunts to get an interview from Superman or to try and find out his secret identity is practically one of her defining character traits at this point. Hell, even the comics lampshaded it at one point. Here's Clark Kent pulling that exact same stunt in a story where he was powerless and had to get an interview from a new superhero that was running around in Metropolis :

Within the context of the show on it's own, Lois being angry at Clark makes perfect sense. She obviously has issues with people keeping secrets from her, and previous episodes established that her father lied to her about how severe her mother's illness was. Clark trying to brush off his injuries at the end of that episode must have reminded her of that incident, which explains her strong emotional reactions. Also people seemed to have taken Clark's side in this conflict, but consider Lois's perspective here. She's been trying to get ahead in the Daily Planet for months. She tried to get an interview from Superman, who bailed out on said interview despite initiating it in the first place. That's kind of a jerk move, especially since Clark knows how important that interview was for her. It also feels hypocritical of him to lie to Lois when he made such a big deal about lying being a bad thing in the pilot. On the one hand, he keeps telling her to trust him and open up to him, on the other hand he keeps evading her both as Superman and as Clark. No wonder she's angry at him. I saw some people saying it was 'forced drama', when it obviously isn't. 'My Adventures with Superman' is pretty simple compared to other cartoons and superhero TV shows, I'm actually surprised that everything I discussed above is flying over people's heads. In any case, I should stop rambling about the previous episode and just move on to the next episode.

The episode follows through on the cliffhanger from the previous episode, as Clark and Lois quickly catch on to the fact that Jimmy is missing and they try to retrace his steps to find him. I like that Clark and Lois still care about Jimmy even though they're caught up in their own drama. I also like that Clark is unable to find Jimmy with his own powers, which means that they have to use good old-fashioned detective work to find Jimmy.

It turns out that Jimmy was captured by a talking Gorilla named Mallah and a sentient Robot named Brain who worked for an organization called Project Cadmus before they had to flea for their lives when Cadmus turned against them. The pair now live in an area of the woods that is shielded from the public. Despite my familiarity with the DC Comics, I've don't know much about these guys. Apparently they have connections to Gorilla Grodd, a Flash supervillain, and have served as enemies to the Teen Titans and the Doom Patrol ? I guess it's nice that this show is adapting such obscure characters. So far, this show has had some very grounded antagonists and characters with Superman himself being the fantastical exception, so it feels bizarre to have characters like Mallah and Brain in this episode.

On the other hand, it's nice that Jimmy gets to be validated when it comes to some of his conspiracies. Him managing to talk his way out of a bad situation with Mallah and Brain is also a great moment.

There's a lot going on in this episode between Clark and Lois being menaced by a bunch of scary robots, Clark losing his powers inside the hidden area in the woods, and the trio working out their conflict through all the chaos going on around them, it's a good thing that the writing is solid enough to balance all of these elements.

Boy, this show really wants to capitalize on how attractive Clark is. He spends half of this episode completely shirtless and those moments are all drawn in ways that emphasizes his muscular build. It's not a complaint, just an observation.

So it turns out that Jimmy already knew that Clark was Superman this whole time. On the one hand, I really like this moment. I was worried that Jimmy might just fall into the comedic airhead role, so it's nice to see that he is smart enough to figure out Superman's secret identity. He also shows a great deal of emotional maturity when he confesses that he kept that secret from Clark because he was waiting for Clark to tell him on his own terms. On the other hand, I kinda wish that the previous episodes at least hinted that Jimmy was in on the secret, because it almost seems to come out of nowhere.

The reason that Clark kept his identity a secret from his friends was because he just wanted to be normal, and didn't want his friends to treat him like he was an alien. I really like this. For one, it shows that the writers have a good understanding of Superman's character. There's a deeper layer to the character beyond simply being a decent man. In the comics and other stories, Superman has often struggled with feelings of alienation and loneliness - it's what makes him a fascinating character for me. Fundamentally, Superman stories are about Superman finding acceptance despite being "different", and this show adapts that aspect very well, with Lois and Jimmy letting Clark know that they accept Clark for who he is. This moment also reinforces Clark's optimism and faith in humanity as the episode ends with Clark asserting that he will continue to try to make the world a better place.

We're given a few more hints as to the identities of the antagonists from the previous episodes, though it's not much. For now it seems that the antagonists will challenge Clark's faith in humanity since they seem to have a "needs of the many" mindset that drives their actions.

So that's episode 6. It's a strange episode as the premise is more than a little outlandish, but there's still a lot to like about it, and the character work continues to be solid.

[decepti-thots]

I had no idea that anything was actually happening with otw but thank you I see this as a sign to start downloading all my fav fics lol

On reflection, I suppose I did make that comment offhandedly without thinking that many people have no idea what I'm talking about- it concerns stuff I suppose falls into that "if you're in circles that know it seems obvious, if not you have no idea it exists" valley.

I should probably clarify that that post wasn't me talking about some imminent risk of AO3 as a platform imploding or disappearing or anything, and nobody needs to start panicking in that regard. I was referring to the current boiling over of a lot of very long term (like, back to when it was founded) institutional/structural/operational issues within the OTW as an org that have been coming out over the past week or so. So me looking at being less solely reliant on AO3 was more a matter of longterm "seems a good idea not to be on just this one platform having these issues" planning and not anything anyone needs to be worried about like, right now.

...and because I know folks not as familiar with this same longterm stuff WILL ask, I'll put a brief summary below the cut for if any of you are curious. However, please be aware, this discussion will by necessity include reference to an incident last year in which OTW volunteers were sent CSEM/CSAM materials as part of a horrendous targeted campaign; while nothing graphic regarding CSA itself is discussed, I mention it here for post filtering and general warning purposes.

So these past couple of months there has been a sustained fan organizing action going on under the name #endOTWracism, which is a specific, targeted attempt at pushing for the OTW to make good on promises they made in 2020 to look at improving their response to racism on their platform. There's an FAQ covering the scope of the action (which ended yesterday, and ran through May) here.

I've been following this with very great interest and it's brought a lot of really good focused discussion out in fan communities, bringing back up a lot of talking points which have historically been shouted down re: the OTW and its poor (one might say "nearly entirely negligent") response to racism in fandom over the span of its existence, and the long standing attempts to get them to address this.

Anyway, one of the posts I especially was recommended that looked at it from the perspective of someone with experience in volunteering and organizing was this post, which takes a look specifically at the issues of how the OTW is structured as an org in a practical, real-world sense. I think it's a great post that brings a really good, grounded approach to the whole issue, looking not just at the big ideas but at how to really run a functioning organisation in a way that is able to be e.g. antiracist. A post like that of course brought in a lot of discussion of... how the OTW is structured and functions day-to-day! That being the topic at hand, and folks wanting to bring their own experiences to the table.

Which, both on that post itself and elsewhere, has uh. Brought some stuff to light that makes even the most hardcore OTW skeptic look like maybe they were overly optimistic. To be quite honest

Some highlights:

Last year, there was a horrendous attack in which OTW volunteers were directly emailed and bombarded with high volumes of CSEM. This was of course horrifically traumatising and scary, and even at the time it was noted that the OTW's response to this was wildly negligent in terms of taking action to safeguard and help their volunteers. Well, it turns out that a) this was an escalation of preexisting issues that the OTW knew about and failed to reasonably address, b) they took a HIDEOUSLY unethical approach to how CSEM distribution attempts were moderated on the platform and just dumped it on one unsupported volunteer who was left horribly burned out by the experience. This post has a good summary and roundup. The fallout from this entire debacle is way too much for me to summarize in full but suffice to say: folks are thinking maybe people should consider not continuing to volunteer for an org that is this unethical and exploitative towards its workforce in a way that directly puts that at serious risk! This is a standpoint I would agree with given there's seemingly also been internal retaliation against the person speaking out! This is terrible! I feel so bad for all these poor volunteers! I have been reading about and fuming regards this situation for two days now and it truly is awful.

There has recently been an instance in which Chinese OTW volunteers got hung out to dry regards their specific work with OTW on Weibo, where it was made clear to them that the org really wasn't interested in any of the work they were doing to engage with and support specifically Chinese fandom. Basically, "we don't really think this is worth doing, and noone involved in the board etc even speaks Chinese, so whatever". This follows an observed and longstanding pattern of higher ups at the OTW undervaluing... basically anyone who isn't part of Western anglophone fandom.

In general, just a LOT of current and past OTW volunteers talking on various platforms about the sheer dysfunction that means things at OTW are deeply incapable of getting basic shit done at best and straight up chew well meaning volunteers up and spit them out at worst. This is basically the nth round of this exact cycle since the OTW began, but in conjunction with the above, it seems to be getting a lot more attention than such things usually do.

This is only some of the stuff that's going on right now but basically, every single issue of internal bullshit the OTW has been accruing as an org for the past ~15 years seems to be blowing up at once, and it's really the first time I've considered that this time it might, in the long run, have a serious impact on the viability of the org in the future. (As things stand: it absolutely should do, because any org that so comprehensively fails the human beings working for it in such an immediate, real life sense needs to make huge immediate changes or fuck right off tbh.)

So that's a bad summary of... SOME of the stuff going on right now. It's a lot. Needless to say.

I wanted to make this post for a couple reasons. One: many folks came into fandom well after the AO3 was just this... site that was there, used by default, and which just sort of operates and you don't think about how. Which is understandable. A person coming into fandom in a post-AO3 world will see the site the same way one sees Twitter or Tumblr or Wattpad; a thing too big and too... default to really concern yourself with the details of how it came to be so big, and used by default. I, personally, have been in online spaces since I was very young, and AO3 launched when I was around sixteen, many years into my experiences with the fandom spaces it came out of. I was around at the time that the OTW and AO3 were proposed, developed and began to expand in scope. I was in circles where folks were talking about this stuff in a very direct way, basically. So I think I have a decent enough sense of context to help lift that veil a little for folks who have no such advantage, and also to help highlight that these are issues years and years in the making, not sudden revelations as they sometimes seem.

Two, because I expect to see many, many folks trying to pass this off as "discourse" or "wank" or "purity culture" in the coming weeks as the fallout continues, and I want dig my ankles in and say if you try that shit on with me I will laugh you off my blog. I think this post makes my opinion fairly clear on where I draw the line between "dumb fandom wank" and "this is not dumb fandom wank, this is serious shit"; it is well before this stuff. So.

tl;dr: I don't know what the OTW will look like in a year or two or five, and this shit has reminded me I shouldn't bank on pretending I do. So, I'm mirroring stuff elsewhere, not because I think the org will collapse, but because maybe the centralization of fandom is overall bad, actually. I encourage folks to consider their own feelings on the topic, since this is as good a reason as any to consider for yourself how you feel about this stuff.

[dropintomanga]

It’s Hard to Talk About Everything Regarding Suicide

I want to start off by saying that I’m glad Aka Akasaka and Mengo Yokoyari’s Oshi no Ko has blown up in popularity.

However, as I noted a year ago about this series, there’s a certain part of the story that’s eerily similar to an incident where a major Japanese celebrity killed themselves due to cyberbullying. 

Here we are now and episode 6 of the anime finally showed it all. Spoilers after the jump.

A character named Akane Kurokawa, a young star trying to make it big in the Japanese entertainment industry, attempts suicide after being bullied online, but she is saved. The thing is that Akane’s situation mirrors the events of what happened to Hana Kimura, a former Japanese wrestler who killed herself due to online users bullying her over her behavior in an episode of a popular Japanese reality show.

Hana’s mother, Kyoko Kimura, saw episode 6 of Oshi no Ko and criticized the anime for being insensitive and the staff for using Hana’s death as free source material. Responses to the episode have been very mixed. Some praise the episode for being courageous in talking about suicide, while others have argued that the episode was traumatizing.

The worst thing about this was that there were two Japanese articles that covered Kyoko’s statements and they got deleted. I later heard that Japanese online commenters were harassing Kyoko over her words and saying things like “How dare you voice your opinion! What if this anime gets canceled because of you?”

What gets lost here and no one really talks about regarding suicide is the people who get left behind. They usually are the family members, like Kyoko in this case. Parents who have to deal with their children’s mental health/illness struggles go through so much crap. They have to deal with potential gaslighting from people who are supposed to help, but choose to blame any systemic failings on the parent. Statements like “You didn’t do a great job in raising/protecting your kid. That’s why they are the way they are.” are sometimes thrown around to parents of children with mental health problems. It’s awful.

I don’t blame Kyoko for saying something because her grief is still there. I know that the media focuses too much on the victims to the point where they put people who knew the victim to the side. Suicide bereavement is a thing that goes unnoticed. Bullying definitely has to be addressed, but as I realized over the years, no one gives a damn in talking about someone’s grief once the funeral is over.

I know that it’s hard to talk about issues like suicide (and all of its factors and ramifications) on mainstream media. Despite the power of anime and manga in providing needed commentary on important topics, I don’t expect this to change any time soon considering many youth will still think of suicide as an answer to circumstances that aren’t their fault.

But I do know is the best way forward is getting everyone involved in a healthy and compassionate discussion (NOT a debate and on social media), which includes media, professionals, activists, peers, and most importantly, people with lived experiences and the family members/friends that know them. 

[chaos-in-elysium]

Ok it's time to come forward with my evidence and claims. In August or September of 2021 I met my accuser- let's call him Elm. We grew close rather quickly and became romantically involved. One day he asked if he could add his best friend into a group chat with just the 3 of us, I said yes. It didn't take me long at all to realize that his supposed best friend was actually his boyfriend, I had a talk with his boyfriend first who claimed Elm told him that I was the best friend. After explaining that Elm and I had been romantic for about 1-2 months his boyfriend despite having a hurt tone claimed that they were in an open relationship. These discussions all happened over discord call so I don't have screenshots for it. When ai confronted Elm about it because he never told me about his bf or the open relationship, Elm couldn't give me an answer to why he just kept dodging the questions. So when two people are in an open relationship and one wants to date someone else and doesn't tell that person about the open relationship, that isn't an actual open relationship - its cheating.

I pulled back a bit after this staying friends but becoming more platonic after Elm seemingly lost interest once I called him out on the cheating. There is one thing about Elm that always bugged me, the fact he would claimed his original characters or "muses" as he called them "tool control". (This was mentioned on call) When I asked if he had D.I.D he out right denied it but it seemed that whenever I would explain that something he was doing upset me that's when his Muses would "take over" and they always tried to make him blameless. For some context I have bpd and tend to split (I call it an episode) when I notice I'm being treated poorly, this can lead to rather explosive anger- Elm know this and would continue to do the behaviors that I asked him not to. I have one major instance of his main muse taking control

I was primarily upset because we had planned to hang out on call that day and Elm left barely 5 minutes in to hang out with a friend who randomly asked. )I blocked out names for their privacy because I know if I didn't they would raise hell. ) As you can see I'm trying to address a problematic pattern of behavior and he uses this muse to try and make me into the bad guy. He would purposely do something he knew would cause me to split, tell me to communicate if something upset me, then shame me and get pissed at me when I did. I had let him know multiple times that if I told him that an action he did was causing episodes then I would prefer it if he could refrain from repeating those actions as much as possible- he said he would but then would continue to do those same actions. This Azlute character only seemed to come out when I would call Elm out on how shitty he was treating me, and then would try to make me the one in the wrong for bringing it up. After this incident we muted each other and spent time apart to calm down after we settled we tried to remain friendly- but not fully friends. After a bit of not talking I had gone through a bit of a upsetting event with another friend and reached out to Elm this is the exchange. (I blocked out irrelevant messages prior)

Notic ehow he said "That's doesn't mean we have to be enemies,thought. I dont want to fight anymore .i consider you...an aquatance."

This interaction was 7 months ago we hadn't talked since. His words completely contradict his recent actions, if he didn't want to fight or be enemies why bring up these allegations? If he had such a big issue with me why wait til the allegations were made to block me? It makes honestly little sense to me

Moving on from Elm, next up we have Crimsons rather rude behavior. I did not blur her username out because these are public comments made on one of my posts. Keep in mind this woman is 31 years old (according to her Tumblr bio) and yet is behaving like a chronically online middle schooler.

First up I was already banned and blocked why would you still need evidence? Unless Elm had no evidence when the claims were made and the mods of the server decided to believe him, despite that went against our usual process.

"There's nothing you could possibly say that could change what you've done and said." If that's the case why prevent me from even attempting to plead my innocence?

"The only reason I've said anything is because I'm not involved." Yet you're being extremely rude and aggressive, and also involving yourself??

Once again based off her own words they did not have evidence when the claims were made.

I understand not posting the evidence to the public, I never asked for that I asked to see the evidence. When I gave another option to dm me the evidence she blocked me. This is the type of people running the server, people who will condemn you without evidence, who refuse to let you defend yourself, who refuse to even offer an explanation to what's going on. If the mods had just don't the mature Nad professional thing and discussed the issue with me,went through the claims, and let me defend myself none of this would have happened.

My original post was to try and reach the mods in the only option I had left to figure out what was actually going on. They banned and blocked me with zero explanation, I was left completely confused and blindsided. People are saying I'm immature but yet these mods are the reason I've had to go to extremes. I just want the evidence so I can defend myself. I'm not satin you have to believe me, I'm just saying you should jump to guilty until proven innocent.

I've had at least one person say "Well you should have just handled it privately" Well one can't handle it privately when all the mods decided to block me. I understand Elm made me out to be manipulative and when in an episode I can come across that way. Even still someone should have done the mature thing and been like "Maybe we should get Ry's side of the story and go from there".

Mods shouldn't be acting like children in this way. Especially for such an old dying Fandom such as portal 2. I feel that over time some of them lost touch with the world outside of the internet, the more they witnessed younger people struggling to separate fiction and reality, the less grounded they were. I think all of them need to step back and reflect and ask "Is this really how we should run this server?" A server that has over 100 people where only maybe 15 are ever active,a server that will have months of dead silence. Maybe it's time to move on, and to grow up.

[muthaz-rapapa]

[TW: trauma, mental illness, suicide; additional warnings: criticism of the author] There were some things that greatly unsettled me after reading chapter 70 so I'm going to put them all here in hopes that I can sort out my feelings and move on.

I won't deny that the recent development added to the growing disappointment I've been having about this arc for...god, probably close to a year now.

But I did give myself 3 weeks to clear my head before addressing the issues I have with this chapter in particular. When my mental state is at its lowest, of course anything I think of would be at its worst too. At least I'm a bit calmer now than I was at the beginning of the month...

..still, the writing and the impressions that it left, even though I'm well aware that they're not permanent and probably weren't intentional...

It hit too close to me personally and I just can't stomach it anymore.

And I'm not ashamed of what I'm going to talk about (which is why this isn't set to private) because I didn't pull these thoughts out of my ass. So if you're sensitive and unable to read through topics like that or are very biased towards CLAMP or some combination of both then I implore you exit this page right now. I'm not looking to push this opinion on or cater to some cause. That's not the purpose of this post. I want to leave my anger somewhere and be able to get over it. I owe it to myself, my own well-being, to be honest on my own space when I need to be.

The warnings are there at the top. I've mentioned them twice already.

I will not engage in discussion with anyone about this after I'm done either so please, please just heed those cautions if you choose to continue reading beyond this point.

There were two things I was deathly afraid of possibly occurring in this climax. I tried really hard not to think about it too much but to my dismay, they happened anyway.

One was Akiho being left behind by someone she loves again.

When the chapter finally sunk in, I can't even begin to describe the despair I felt over what CLAMP made Kaito do. What they didn't let him realize before he went ahead and completed his plan of extracting that book planted within Akiho.

And that was repeating the mistake that Akiho's parents made.

True, we were told that they sacrificed themselves to protect her from some sort of incident. Maybe it was unavoidable, even with Lilie's ability to see the future. Maybe that was one of two or more possible tragedies that could've happened to Akiho (the other being the threat of the artifact that would destroy her soul) so they chose to accept the harsher, more difficult route that would happen sooner to ensure that their daughter would survive.

Frankly, there has never been a doubt in my mind that Akiho was truly loved by her parents and this act of sacrifice is ultimate proof of that.

But even so, even if they really loved Akiho more than anything to die so she could live, they still left her alone in the hands of monsters that Lilie definitely knew would hurt her own daughter.

And that brings up several questions about what kind of person Lilie really was when she was still alive.

We've only ever seen her through flashbacks and the memories of other people (Kaito, Momo, Nadeshiko), after all. And it's important to note that through the lens of those perspectives, Lilie is always shown in a very positive light because they remember her with fondness.

A kind, bright and compassionate woman.

It does not mean she was perfect, though. It does not mean she thought everything through. It does not mean she fully considered the gravity of her decisions, of how much it will hurt Akiho to be left alone, before she chose to die to protect her daughter.

Was that really the best way to go? Did she really not believe there were other options? Or was it because she was a dream seer, who like many other dream seers before her, that she could only see one future and be trapped by that notion of how difficult it would be to change it?

So she thought she could only chose to let the rest play out as she saw it in her dreams? In a way, dumping that huge responsibility of taking care of Akiho on the person who would come get her (Kaito), despite that person still being a child himself at the time?

...I honestly don't know.

Because Lilie is someone who is primarily meant to support Akiho and Kaito's story but hasn't been fleshed out into a well-rounded character. She is mostly defined by her relations and significance to others so she doesn't have a purpose beyond that and that's why we can only leave it to interpretation (and the remaining chapters if her ghost does show up) on what her real self is like.

I also don't know if Akiho's parents ever tried to assign nannies to her or find people they could actually trust to take care of Akiho after they were gone...or if it would've proved useless anyway because Akiho still fell under the custody of her clan after their deaths so maybe those caretakers would've been replaced or fired by her kin and the effort would've amounted to nothing...

But again, even so. Even with Lilie knowing with certainty that Kaito will appear before Akiho to take her away from those magicians, the time Akiho had to spend waiting before then... repeatedly getting abused before his arrival...

There's no way I can't hold her accountable for that either.

The belief or knowledge that "it will be alright" in the end doesn't justify the pain and suffering Akiho had to endure before she was rescued from that hell.

Lilie surely did love Akiho. She's her mother after all and she probably even set up some safeguard magic in place beforehand that would help bring Kaito back to Akiho later on...yes, I still believe that in spite of my doubts about the choices she made.

But simply loving isn't enough. Simply loving someone a lot isn't enough to shield them from the worst that can hurt them. You need to try at least harder than that.

And that's what Lilie's mistake was. That she let Akiho get hurt despite the good intentions she had of wanting her daughter to meet the person who will love her more than anything else.

That was the one thing Kaito should've learned to avoid before he sacrificed himself to save Akiho.

But he didn't. At least not yet. Not until he is "revived"/brought back or his perceived "death" on screen is prevented through another rewind or whatever.

The point is, Kaito being gone will inevitably hurt Akiho as well when it shouldn't have to be that way.

Because not only will she eventually realize that she's not Sakura's twin sister, that she's not really a member of the Kinomoto family and that the reality she's been placed in is essentially a falsehood. That her real place to belong is with the people (Kaito, Momo) who truly know and accept her for who she is, sad past and all...

But also because the loss of Kaito will hit her so much harder, be so much more painful, than the loss of her parents.

Because unlike her parents, whom she loves but never knew, she does know Kaito. They have been together almost her entire life and she's grown to love him more than anybody else, think of him as her most important person above everybody else.

His absence and her learning about the truth, about everything he did just to save her...that's going to scar her so deeply. It's something that should've been totally avoidable through the handling of the writing.

Even if you try to argue that Kaito did better than Lilie by actually leaving Akiho with people who would definitely not mistreat her or that this will give Akiho the drive she needs to find a way to get him back (and thereby, fulfill the promise CLAMP has made in one of their twitter spaces) in the next five chapters, it doesn't change the fact that this is an another blow of suffering that Akiho didn't need to go through.

Dragging this torment out on her, adding and prolonging her turmoil for the angst and suspense and to really hammer home that idea of "earn you happy ending"...that's bullshit, alright?

Yea, kids will have to fight their own fights and some harder than others because life isn't fair to everyone. And this is a manga and so on so I shouldn't think too hard on it...

...but the way this story has been set up for Akiho and Kaito when it could've written so much better is very disheartening.

I'm tired of narratives that conveniently take advantage of the absence or subdued presence of adult figures so that the child main characters have no choice but to take on the brunt of the conflict themselves.

It's fucking 2023 already. Storytelling has evolved better than this.

Rather than focusing so much on the saving, there should be more emphasis on the correct way to protect someone. So that nobody has to feel so backed into a corner that they can only act under the stress of desperation.

Which brings me to the second issue. Kaito's "death".

Granted, we don't know for sure if he was really killed off or was just sealed somewhere (the book?) but it's pretty obvious this is only temporary as Akiho will remember him through the pocket watch he left behind which will then kickstart the goal of getting him back.

But again, things shouldn't have gone to the extent that... he actually left the scene believing it was best for everyone that he disappeared.

You're not supposed to let a suicidal person rationalize and validate their own depressive thoughts like that. Especially not in a story where it's a given that he is meant to be saved from such a tragic end.

There were so many instances before this chapter that suggested someone (namely Akiho or Momo) would make it in time to stop him before he threw himself off the edge. But not only did that not happen, the authors also ensured he would "die" by revealing new information about the sealing spell attached to his title of "D."

So regardless, they wanted to "kill" him off at least once.

For what? hm? Shock value? Tears? Sadistic pleasure?

Fuck you.

No amount of themes or logic CLAMP wants to put in this story can excuse how badly they handled this topic.

Suicide isn't something that you can just casually toss around under the guise of self-sacrifice. Not in a time where mental health is considered more important than ever.

This ripped me apart so much because I was in a similar situation when I was in high school. And while I fortunately never got so bad that I ended up putting a knife to my wrist, I can tell you the pain I felt was very much real. Because I'm still feeling the effects of having those suicidal thoughts today, even when I stopped thinking I wanted to die a long time ago.

That's how I know for sure that Kaito is a teenager. Because teenagers don't really have a long-term grasp of the consequences of their actions so they tend to do things on impulse, which is not always good.

And for a lot of their intense emotions, particularly the negative ones, the brain is capable of numbing them to an extent as a way of protecting them. So that they're not overwhelmed by the severity of those feelings all at once.

But even the brain can only do so much to stop you when you're constantly telling yourself "I want to die, there's no point to me being alive". If you can't persuade yourself out of that mindset, you need help from outside, too.

That's what saved me, the words from a friend who told me what I needed to hear to get me off that self-destructive path.

"I'd be very sad if you were gone."

Even now, I'm so grateful for those words and that was what I wanted the most for Kaito, for the message he's supposed to represent for every mentally ill person struggling with low-esteem and self-worth, out there.

And it didn't happen.

And it won't happen until after he's revived/brought back in some miracle magical manner but if that was the plan all along, then it still would've been better to stop him the first time.

Not the second.

Because there are no second chances if you end your life. When you're dead, you're dead.

I've read so many headlines about people committing suicide over the years since my high school days and it has never gotten any easier to hear those stories for a reason. Because if I were to get used to it and think nothing of it, it won't increase the desire to stop suicides or help the efforts to prevent tragedies like that from happening.

That's why I'm so disappointed.

That the hope that was to be delivered to Kaito, who needed it more than anything else, was side-tracked and delayed to drag this ending fatigue out even further. For the angst, for more magical girl gimmicks, for Ohkawa's Alice fetish, for any other related explanation except for the things which should be considered more important.

......

Sometimes I ask myself if I'm overreacting to this. I make it habit to remind myself that while fiction does affect reality, it doesn't do so in a 1:1 ratio way so I shouldn't treat this too personally. And the authors aren't responsible for the trauma I went through and everything.

I know that.

I also know that I've read many other stories before this one, harsher and darker and heavier with their portrayals of abuse and trauma than this, and I never took a development I didn't like this badly as I did for Akiho and Kaito.

But I think these two are the special exception among all those cases in that they enabled me to finally face my personal demons after setting them aside for so long. The more I watched them and analyzed their characters, the more I related with their anguish that seemed so similar to mine. So naturally, whatever I have been blessed with to help me survive till this day, I wanted that for them as well.

But I kept getting let down by many things I continued to learn over the course of following this series, a majority of those grievances which won't be discussed here but in a future separate post because those need time to sort out too and I'm already reaching my limit with this one.

...still, I can't help but wonder if CLAMP really hadn't thought about the damage they could potentially cause with they way ch 70 was written, regardless of it being fixable cuz it's a fantasy.

I wonder, since they've been working in this industry for so long and how senior they are, if they still hold onto these old-fashioned notions over the "nobleness" of self-sacrifice, a theme they had visited many times over and over again in their previous works. And that in spite of all their criticisms against it, they're actually quite obsessed with the idea because to them, that "nobleness" probably looks so beautiful to imagine and portray on paper.

I remember when I was attending a course for Japanese literature that my Japanese professor said "Japanese people like to appreciate the beauty of sadness and tragedy" and I wonder if CLAMP falls into that category of people who like to romanticize such things.

...again, I can't stomach that. Not anymore.

I mean, even though I've seen this theme touched upon in other works made by different authors, I felt like some of them (arguably) handled the seriousness surrounding this subject in a much better way than what I read in CC. With the proper respect and attention it deserves instead of coating "noble self-sacrifice" over how terrible and ugly it really is when mental illness wrecks our minds and affects how we act.

And I admit that I've also changed and grown since the time I was reading manga when I was 10 years old. Hell, even a year ago, my perspective was quite different than what is now so that's also a factor in the way I think at this moment. In how I'm able to recognize what I can tolerate or not. What I want and do not want in what I consume.

...I think that's fine as well. To be upset as I am because at the end of the day, I know CLAMP is nowhere near perfect. They're just regular people like anybody else and therefore, susceptible to being called out like anybody else and it's okay to drop them just like anybody else for that same reason.

I don't know if I've come closer to obtaining the peace of mind I wanted after ranting so much but at least, I think I've reached a conclusion on what to do from here on on out. And that's to let go of things, even people, that I know I no longer need.

I will still follow the story of CC to the end out of my deepest love for Akiho and Kaito and my wish for the satisfactory happy ending that they deserve...but I'm not going to make myself pretend the rest of it matters anymore.

I lost faith and stopped believing in this author...and I'm going to be okay with that.

[again, this post was done to help me get things off my chest so please don't leave any comments, I will not respond to any of them, thank you]

[vsa-pieldepapel]

Asks about tumblr/twitter situation not special interest adjacent

Alright apologies for the defensiveness, im a veteran witness of tumblr dramas of all sorts having been in this site since 2013 so its like that old guy farmer who always has a shotgun at hand to ward off any danger kek. The tangential rant was just concept association, I still think it’s purely coincidental though (elaborating a bit below)

The community labels were implemented without any terms of service changes before shit went down on twitter though, it was a matter of discussion why there was a discrepancy even

A friend speculated the rollout of terms of service changes would be gradual and so far he was right on that one (speculated it to be much like you’re saying here, progressing more or less based on reception) first the labels to pitch the idea to the general populace then the first shift on changing the TOS. you’re right tumblr is still a dwindling strange site so I can completely see them using this opportunistically to attract user base from here on so who knows maybe it was not coincidental But I think this first rollout was planned to happen now, and the twitter thing happened to coincide and tumblr was like well shit, we can use this Situation!

Even attracting new users though issues remain because

Of this ^^^^ above. Even with what you say anon, “just mildly” feels like being generous lol. Tumblr will unleash full fury on whoever they deem an acceptable target, and when they do theres no slur or intimidation tactic or even IRL event thats going too far (a couple superwholock dramas that leaked into actual irl con incidents come to mind) I think the tone of the violence is the different thing but tumblr and 4chan are nests for terminal online-ness. Artists who focus on fan merch and fanfic writers may be able to carve a niche but normies… never hahaha

In this respect tumblr is very old web-reminiscent which by itself is something I actually like about it and I hope it doesn’t get sanitised (if it does, to a minimal degree) Sure it’s ridiculous and inaccessible to the new user and an eyesore and a point of many a discourse I remember, but it helps indie people really personalise their brand and from the isolated teenager lens it permits a vast array of self expression.

I agree with you that it can get egregious and it definitely does not help the mainstream access though HAHA. To me its an endearing cringe at this point though I think tumblr really benefits from branding itself as an alt site, not as a mainstream social media joint

Reddit is egregious for non UI related reasons though. im not a fan

I agree!! I think the facetiousness is to not be too evident to the massive corpos like apple so they can get away with more, but it has the effect of also being unclear to the user base : ( tumblr should have addressed the problem in a more targeted way, banning it all outright was both ineffective and ended up financially fucking the site over and its still recovering

[chromatophorica]

I'm very hesitant to go into DMs with you. I feel like so much of this has been said behind closed doors and I was encouraged to keep it that way like I was encouraged not to publish my work to "protect" me from getting "torn to shreds". I don't like secrecy, anon bullshit, or subterfuge. I also can't talk to you on discord as we don't share a server. Honestly, like I did with Cor when she tried to justify herself, I have to call BS on this response. I literally said "imagine if you talked to me instead of about me." That literally means talk to me instead of about me. I'm not sure how you misread that without intentionally doing so. Also in that post, you equivocate over whether I was banned or not as if the actual term matters. The result is the same. You made sure I couldn't be a part of your server based on a baseless accusation. You even acknowledge that you don't think it was the right move but you upheld it anyway, enforcing something you knew was wrong. You also keep talking about how "bangs are private" and you all weren't aware of the content so your hands were tied. Again, BS. This is such a weird point because I posted the work in its complete form the day after Cor made her claim. You had access to it almost immediately so I don't understand how you can keep saying you couldn't have done anything different. Even before that, you could have literally just asked to see the draft. But you didn't. You made decisions ABOUT me without talking TO me. Also stop calling what Cor did a mistake. It wasn't a mistake. It was a choice. If it was a mistake, she would've apologized not thrown a rock and hidden her hand. I'm not asking you to apologize for her, I'm asking you to apologize for your role in this but that's fucking moot right because its not an apology if I have to beg for it. And how are you not ignoring it? You're thinking "future incidents" when this one was never dealt with. How can you handle future "mistakes" if y'all can't even face this one? When this came up in the big bang, those mods made immediate contact and discussed an action plan WITH me about how handle the situation and move forward. I had to bang on your inbox to even get you to acknowledge me. I didn't even bother with the other mod because if you looked at her socials, you wouldn't know anything happened at all. Maybe y'all addressed it in discord but again, how tf would I know that? It's disingenuous. It's nasty.

i'm honestly starting to get a little worn out from all of this & without throwing my friend (who excused herself for mental health reasons & found the fandom in general was part of the cause for their poor mental health but still) under a bus—

cor jumped to a conclusion, misinformed as it was; cor stood by this and it resulted in a group of mods agreeing not to accept u back into a server—it wasn't fair & we accept that as an entity of mods.

i'll be perfectly honest i don't know what role u think i played in this. beyond the fact that we, as a group, didn't accept ur rejoin into the server after u left. nothing was said in the discord, nothing was mentioned in dms or chats. the only mention of accusations against u came in ur authors note. we had nothing to address because to most people, they had no understanding of anything at all. it wasn't like the situation with bythia where almost everyone was aware, it wasn't even like the issue later with gg where conversations were divulged.

i am glad the bang mods addressed the issue of a bang fic in their event with u.

i am absolutely sure that this isn't going to be to ur liking. but again; i'm not sure what else u honestly expect from me or us as a server.

[onenettvchannel]

OneNETnews Investigates: A scandalous right-wing commentator 'Think Before You Sleep' target F*t-Shaming & Acceptance and Cyb*rb*llying combined against freelance independent Californian animator 'Illymation' sparks outrage to deplatforming its video-sharing platform on YouTube [EXCLUSIVE]

(Written by Mitch Williams & Lincoln Albert Loud / Senior Tech Correspondent and Investigative Stringer News Reporter of Nickelodeon News)

TRIGGER WARNING: The following investigative news article discusses emotionally sensitive and offensive content related to online cyberbullying, fat shaming and harassment. Consider to exercise with caution, and prioritize your emotional well-being while reading this I.N.R. If you feel triggered or distressed by such topics, our news readers at OneNETnews recommends to seek support to yourself ASAP, or to click off from reading further in this article. Reader's discretion is STRONGLY ADVISED.

HAWTHORNE, CALIFORNIA -- In the late-Q1 of 2024… An online cyberbullying incident involving a suspected right-wing male conservative commentator by the name 'Think Before You Sleep', and a freelance Californian animator victim 'Illymation' brought out the crippling effects of fat shaming, fat acceptance & harassment. The issue arose when TBYS recently ranted over, in her real life cartoon story on fatphobia that was created by a YouTuber's victim, literarlly accusing her of glorifying minor or medium-level obesity, and promoting unhealthy body image of herself.

26 y/o female animated freelance YouTuber from Hawthorne City, California, United States of America (U.S.A.) named 'Illymation', whose real name as Ms. Ilyssa Grace Levy talks about her past struggles with her fat body image and weight, revealed from her own YouTube video late last Dececember 2023 that she started dieting at the age of 11 y/o in either 2008 or 2009 before launching her animated YouTube channel in the early 'Generation Alpha' years in September 2013.

Before social media, when she was born a decade later in the early 2010s under her 'Gen Z' era, despite efforts to address fatphobia-related issues through in-real-life stories of her self-contents, with a few platforms like Facebook and Friendster (now both separately owned by Meta Platforms Inc. [MPi] and the defunct-Friendster Inc. [Fi]), she faced vicious attacks on criticism, when he recently but allegedly pointing their bad finger from 'TBYS' and his pro-democratic supporters from the online bashers, troll of netizens, and death threats.

An anonymous concern from her Tumblr ask blog post, to be obtained and exclusively investigated to OneNETnews… Her personal information like Ms. Levy (Illymation) aside fatphobic concern was recently targeted and compromised when several pro-online troll of netizens from TBYS have now been completely doxxed, leaving in threathen to deplatform her on their video-sharing platform as she potentially claimed that Ms. Levy violated the California's Penal Code #653.2. But Illymation's claims are being nulled, and is refused to watch and listen the insulting commentary video.

Rather than usual, the online attacks from TBYS, aimed at fat-shaming and accepting her on YouTube, alarming serious public health concerns and has raised double red flags. Instead, the fatphobic behavior from TBYS and his pro-supporters against her, has been widely condemned as a result of a newest online harassment campaign in this said date of the late-Q1 2024. Three (3) of the videos on YouTube from TBYS were taken down for a while, and later reuploaded exclusively in his uncensored video discussion on Rumble.

Moreover, Ms. Levy (Illymation) moved out from Hawthorne City to Sacramento, the said state and her country for safety with paid legal fees from her GoFundMe site, as she recently broke the lease on her home apartment and costing her U$D10,000 (or PHP581,100) because of doxxing and fat-shaming backlash from TBYS back-to-back, according from a Reddit comment post by Lokalexabender.

Reports from Zawn Villines of Medical News Today, criticizing someone for their weight like Ms. Levy (Illymation) can lead to serious health and emotional problems. People who face weight discrimination are more likely to suffer from eating disorders, depression and other medical conditions. The American Psychological Association (APA) has pointed out the harmful consequences of criticizing weight and emphasized the need to encourage a positive view of bodies and acceptance.

In the midst of heated debates, Ms. Levy (Illymation) shared her worst sensitivity & anger, worrying about the intense online abuse that she encountered by calling it a fat Californian kid in the early 2010s. She openly talked about this situation, not quite long ago, in a video that was later removed on YT, but then shared on 'Rumble' titled "Woke YouTuber is Trying to Deplatform Me", where she criticized TBYS and his pro-supporters for their harmful actions. Such consistently physical & online attacks in a cybercrime world, affected personally her new mental health, even though she received a lot of support from her followers and other creators on her video-sharing platform.

Looking ahead in the present day on various social media platforms like TikTok & Facebook (owned individually by ByteDance Limited and MPi) and video-sharing platform 'YouTube' (also own by Google's Alphabet), the public health concern of minor or medium-level of obesity is widespread and highlighted by the situation of body shaming and her animator's image of Ms. Levy. It's clear that the desire to meet these unattainable beauty ideals, when you look at the mirror on your stomach fats from side-to-side, along with the widespread culture of dieting, has led to a harmful atmosphere where judgments and criticisms based on their own looks occur.

Our investigative news team of OneNETnews have turned them over for the anti-TBYS fans with a right-wing male suspect to the California Police and the YouTube headquarters in San Bruno, the said state and country, advising everyone to mass report his main YouTube channel of TBYS, which being looked into it by the California Police. But, a spokesperson of YouTube had refused to take his channel down and removing their Google account, despite of the cyber criminal cases in the ongoing rivalry on both sides.

It is imperative for people to address the root causes of body shaming combined with her animator's image and promote body neutrality and acceptance of her new self slim body. In an article by Dr. Danielle Kelvas of 'Within Health', dietitian experts and specialist officials highlight the importance of having a positive body image, as well as self-acceptance to combat eating disorders, body discrimination and weight stigma.

Between a male right-wing commentator suspect 'Think Before You Sleep' and one Californian independent animator victim 'Illymation'… Online criminals like this represents a technical foul play with his poisonous corruption points, leaving a victim to immune herself for safety and the unlawful reminders of the damaging effects of online harassment, cyberbullying and discrimination that really needs to cultivate an inclusive and compassionate online community. Hence, the online netizens from YouTube and other social media platforms takes a stand against toxicity and the unregulated online behaviors for the well-being of all individuals, regardless of their size or appearance of Ms. Levy (Illymation).

He will now soon potentially face legal consequences in the press charges convicted by the American court for 'TBYS', resulted in the upcoming termination of his YouTube channel within a shorter months time (without bail or appeal) if criticially found guilty, in relation to fatphobic motives, public harassments, discrimination, cyberbullying and doxxing by online netizens against 'Illymation'.

CONTRIBUTED FILE THUMBNAIL PHOTO COURTESY for REPRESENTATION via YT VIDEO EDITED BY: Rhayniel Saldasal Calimpong (Freelanced Digital Photojournalist for OneNETnews)

SOURCE: *https://rumble.com/v4gg6e3-a-fat-acceptance-cartoon.html [Referenced YT VIDEO #1 via Think Before You Sleep, per relayed video by Rumble] *https://rumble.com/v4jp1hk-woke-youtuber-is-trying-to-deplatform-me.html [Referenced YT VIDEO #2 via Think Before You Sleep, per relayed video by Rumble] *https://rumble.com/v4o5bu8-the-illymation-drama-continues.html [Referenced YT VIDEO #3f via Think Before You Sleep, per relayed video by Rumble] *https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfG_Er6lyJE [Referenced YT VIDEO via Illymation] *https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqdwQ-VthGU [Referenced YT VIDEO via Osros] *https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8nue473BWs [Referenced YT VIDEO #1 via Breone] *https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6PvpPivdHk [Referenced YT VIDEO #2f via Breone] *https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOXQQmDvc0I [Referenced YT VIDEO via NoahSamsen] *https://youtube.fandom.com/wiki/Illymation *https://youtube.fandom.com/wiki/Think_Before_You_Sleep *https://www.clarip.com/data-privacy/california-consumer-privacy-act-fines/ [Referenced Excerpt Article via Clarip] *https://www.aerlawgroup.com/blog/fact-or-fiction-doxing-someone-can-get-you-arrested/ [Referenced Editorial Article via The Rodriguez Law Group] *https://www.simmrinlawgroup.com/california-penal-code-section-653-2/ [Referenced Editorial Article via Simmrin Law Group] *https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySection.xhtml?lawCode=PEN&sectionNum=653.2 [Referenced Law Article via California Legislative Info Database] *https://www.cbsnews.com/news/fat-shaming-can-lead-to-host-of-health-problems/ [Referenced News Article via CBS News] *https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/effects-of-fat-shaming [Referenced News Article via Medical News Today] *https://withinhealth.com/learn/articles/embracing-body-neutrality-in-eating-disorder-recovery [Referenced News Article via Within Health News Bureau] *https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/03/news-weight-stigma [Referenced Editorial Article via American Psychological Association] *https://old.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/1bwko4p/what_is_going_on_with_illymations_drama/ [Referenced Subreddit Ask Post via Reddit's OutOfTheLoop] *https://old.reddit.com/r/saltierthankrayt/comments/1be9jm6/comment/kxm7pwk/ [Referenced Subreddit Caption Post via saltierthankrayt] and *https://www.gofundme.com/f/legal-fees-for-breaking-lease [Referenced Donation Listing via GoFundMe]

-- OneNETnews Online Publication Team

[dankusner]

Families frustrated over school’s response to racism in Flossmoor

Parents of students at Infant Jesus of Prague Catholic Elementary School in Flossmoor are calling for the school’s administration to take a stronger stance against racism after its first Black principal received hate mail.

Felicia Clotworthy was hired as principal in June 2023, said Lynnnette Wright, whose son attends the school.

But six months later, a letter addressed to Clotworthy from an unnamed sender, dated Dec. 31, used a racial slur to address her.

“We know there have been incidents at Infant Jesus of Prague this school year and have been productively working with the parish and school to address them,” said Greg Richmond, superintendent of the Archdiocese of Chicago Catholic Schools, in a written statement.

“We believe all schools should be free of racism and have been pleased that the pastor, principal, and school community have been working together to make IJP a welcoming environment for all.” Officials at Infant Jesus Prague Elementary School would not comment on the letters and instead referred questions to the archdiocese.

Although Richmond’s statement mentioned and condemned the reports of racism, several parents at the school are calling for administrators at Infant Jesus Prague Elementary School to speak up.

“The majority of parents here are asking for a strong denouncement and support from the archdiocese because we are not receiving it in the parish,” said Wright, who has led community meetings with more than 60 other parents calling for more action from the elementary school.

Erica Andrews and Morgan Sutherland are two other parents who, along with Wright, have discussed how to put more pressure on the school to respond to racism more actively.

They all said they are strongly considering not enrolling their children in the upcoming school year.

Tuition is between $6,000 and $7,000 per child depending on if the family is in the parish.

“More than likely we will not be returning next year,” said Andrews, adding she spoke to five families Thursday that “committed to not returning.”

The letter to Clotworthy, provided to the Daily Southtown, uses a racial slur to refer to her and tells her to “beware.”

It also refers to an apparent incident with two other people, but Wright was not clear about the specifics or the context.

Wright said there have been other interactions between white and Black community members.

In one instance, a Wright said a white woman “accosted” her in the school parking lot and told her Clotworthy was “not wanted in the community and that they would be doing whatever they could” to remove her from her role.

Wright said Clotworthy recently announced she is leaving at the end of the school year because of the letter and school’s response.

The archdiocese’s office of Catholic schools confirmed Clotworthy accepted a position at another Catholic school, but did not share specifics, referring questions to Clotworthy, who did not respond to requests for comment.

Flossmoor is more than 63% Black, according to the United States Census Bureau.

Wright said the school is 75% Black students and that Clotworthy is the school’s first Black principal.

She and other parents are threatening to pull their students from the elementary school if the school does not express more support for Black families.

This is not the first time racial tensions have emerged in Flossmoor.

The village’s first Black police chief recently sued the mayor, village and village administrator over his recent dismissal, alleging he was fired because of a “master-slave dynamic.”