#incorrect durin quotes

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Thorin, at Y/n: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Fili and Kili, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

[xxsircharlesxx]

(In Mirkwood)

Thorin: Someone needs to climb one of these trees, see what direction we need to head in

Bilbo: I’d rather climb you

Thorin: What?

Bilbo: What?

Fili: HE SAID HE’D RATHER CLIMB YOU, UNCLE

[kililvr]

KILI, seeing bilbo and thorin together : they're cute, i would put them on a boat

FILI : you mean... you ship them?

[7soulstars]

My Incorrect Universe #96

*before courting Thranduil*

Me: *trips on the ground*

Thranduil, scoffing and in a mocking tone : haha, how clumsy, could you be any more foolish?

*later when no one is around*

Thranduil : *stomping the ground* who do you think you are?? WHO IN EVER LOVING VALAR DO YOU-

--Few years later--

Thorin: I can’t believe you talked to Thranduil without getting so much as a glare! Most people can’t even look in his general direction without some kind of threat.

Me: I mean, it would be a little weird if he did. We are engaged after all......

Thorin, who thought he had a chance: “....YOU’RE WHAT?!”

Legolas,a rogue Gimli tucked under his arm pit: YOU'RE WHAT ?!

Haldir and Lindir, from behind the trees: YOU ARE WHAT ??!

Elrond: YOU'RE WHAT ?!

Me: why are YOU shocked?? You watched him propose to me??

Elrond, recalling himself screaming as he witnessed Thranduil get on one knee that day: I'm still recovering from the trauma-

*Legolas still trying to process what I just announced*:

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Dis: Kili, can you pass me the onions? Dis: I mean the carrots! No! The lettuce! No! The forks! No! The fridge! Fili: Do you mean the salt? Dis: …yes. Fili: Also, I'm not Kili.

[achillyscomedown]

[themistymountainscold]

dis: did you buy eggs like i asked?

kili: even better!

thorin: what the fuck did you-

fili: *holding up a chicken* her name is fluffy.

[trashcancalicojack]

Thorin, to Bilbo: Everyone thinks you're sooooo nice, but I know you're a filthy-mouthed bastard who hates everybody.

Thorin: Honestly, it's hot.

[just-a-little-cellist]

incorrect middle earth starring y/n #12

Y/n: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor. Fili: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

[saltymewooo]

*The squad is playing a team sport*

Bilbo: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as Fili?

Thorin: Have you ever played a game with Fili?

Bilbo: No…

Thorin: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?

*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*

Fili, chasing Kili: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

[ironmandeficiency]

bilbo: he’s so handsome. so thoughtful… i wonder what he’s thinking about

thorin: wednesday? wed-nes-day? whensday?

[fvck-the-patriarchy]

Kili: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Y/n a little bit.

Thorin, holding Kili's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Kili: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Thorin: My mistake.

[thranduilswifesblog]

Durin : so why you guys called yourself the 'high elves?'

Elrond : because we are the wisest amoung our kind, we knew for our intelegence, and we literally one of the smartest kin in middle earth

Oropher, totally drunk, slammed the door : WASSAP BITCHESSS!! HEI GIL GALAD WANNA PLAY SOME DRINKING CONTEST? I ALREADY BEAT YOUR FËANOREAN *Chug the entire bottle of wine*

Young Thranduil, drink an entire bottle in one sip : HEI ELROND, LET'S SEE WHO IS GOT THE BIGGER DIC-

Elrond : that's the sindar elves

Durin : no... That's the real high elves.

[kililvr]

OIN : i have a question

THORIN : shoot

OIN : is the s or c in scent silent?

KILI : fuck you, i'm going to be thinking about this all day

FILI : okay, well, cent is pronounced the same as scent so i'm going to say the s is silent

BALIN : okay but sent is also pronounced the same way

BOFUR : plot twist, both the s and the c are silent and the e actually makes the sss sound

DWALIN : bofur is not allowed to talk anymore

[7soulstars]

My Incorrect Universe #91

Thranduil, cleaning his swords in his room: ah, I love this sword more than I love Thorin.

Me,sipping on tea next to him : Darling, you love anything more than Thorin.

Thranduil, in full adoration towards me: you're always so right meleth-nin I sure do like even the spiders more than that short stacked weasel.

--meanwhile in the Misty Mountains--

Thorin*sneezing continuously* : I sense someone talking shit about me

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Kili: Hey Uncle, can we go with you to Erebor? Thorin: What did your mother say? Fili: She said no. Thorin: So why are you asking me? Kili: Because she's not the boss of you. Thorin, internally: it's a trap it's a trap it's a trap it's