#inspired by a convo I had with my mom

[lildoodlenoodle]

You know what I think one of the most important things that people ignorant to trans identities and the difference between gender, sex, and self expression are that I’ve found is a good starting point without overloading them to the point of no longer really listening is?

It isn’t new.

Yea sure some of the language and terminology is newer but like this is a phenomenon that’s been happening for a long ass time and has been observed in other species. It’s not a fad, it’s not a way perverts are using to creep on women, or groom children. Trans people are a very small percentage of the population, and we don’t understand everything about it, but we understand enough to know this isn’t new.

This isn’t anything new, it’s just new to you.

[forgive-the-sea]

"Whaddya mean you've never seen Blade Runner?"

"I dunno. It came out like 15 years before I was born."

You see Toji mentally doing the math as his gaze momentarily shifts upwards. He then rolls his eyes and scoffs. "It's a classic!"

You simply shrug.

"C'mon! Harrison Ford?" Toji asks in disbelief; an almost pained look on his face.

"Oh, Han Solo, right?"

"Yes!" he confirms with excitement.

"Indiana Jones?"

"Yes!"

"Yeah, I've seen Indiana Jones. The one with Shia LaBeouf."

Toji's face scrunches up in confusion. "Who?"

"Y'know, the one from Even Stevens."

Toji frowns and looks even more confused.

"Oh, and I've seen Star wars, too."

"You have?" Toji asks, eyebrow raised.

"Of course I have. Oscar Isaac is in it!"

Confusion is clearly written on Toji's face. Eyebrows furrowed. Slight pout. "Who the hell?"

You're quick to pull up a picture on your phone to show Toji. "See, he's cute!"

Toji snatches the phone from you to take a look. He eyes the picture suspiciously before looking back at you.

"You got an old man kink, dontcha?"

Your eyes widen and you let out a laugh that sounds more like a shriek. Toji's deadpan humor never fails to get you. When you settle down, you put a finger to your lips and wink. "Don't tell anyone though, okay?"

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

[jo-harrington]

On-the-Job Training (A Store Manager Verse Story - Steve Harrington/Reader)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: Steve has a crush on the Dippin' Dots cashier.

Warnings/Themes: AU where the Upside Down doesn't terrorize Hawkins. Late Summer of 1985, Steve and Robin work at Scoops, Reader works at Dippin' Dots, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Enemies to Lovers(sort of?), Tie in with the Store Manager Verse

Note: Ok what started off as a silly little conversation about what flavor chapstick each ST character would use turned into this and I typically don't write Steve...but I had to give him some love.

Tagging my loves who were integral to that convo to thank them for inspiration especially Drac who started it all. This is for you bb. @dr-aculaaa @mopeymopeymouse @chestylarouxx @somnambulic-thing @fracturedarkness @br0ck-eddie

Technically slightly anachronistic because Dippin' Dots didn't open until 1988 but I'm a stickler for accuracy in the regular series. This is just a fun little do-dad.

You can find my masterlist here for more fics featuring pretty much exclusively Eddie Munson content but also a little Steve.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Largely unedited; I didn't even re-read it. It's might suck. Enjoy!

---

"Ahoy! One U.S.S. Butterscotch!"

Steve never thought that this would be his future after graduation.

This summer he should have been living it up before he went away to college and made something of himself. Lifeguarding at the pool, going to all the parties, hanging out with his friends.

Instead, his life went to shit, Nancy Wheeler had broken up with him, he had gotten rejection letter after rejection letter from the schools he had applied to...and instead of working at the pool like he had every summer since he turned 16, he had a crappy job slinging ice cream at Scoops Ahoy of all places at the new StarCourt Mall.

"Thanks so much," the sweet lady who had placed the order smiled at him and handed the sundae to her son. "Look at that Frankie, your favorite." The little boy shot Steve a grin complete with his two front teeth missing and Steve melted a little bit.

Alright, it wasn't so bad. He got to make people smile, he got some spending money--which was nice since his dad had pretty much cut him off, although his mom was sneaking him some cash on the side.

"Look alive dingus," Robin called from the window separating the front of the ice cream parlor from the backroom. "Your schmoopsie poo is here."

"Shut up Rob!" Steve groaned through gritted teeth.

One of the perks of working at the mall was that he got to interact with people of all shapes and sizes and yeah...Steve had tried to use it as a means to get over Nancy. He'd had little hours-long crushes on fellow mall employees, customers, Robin--although working with her made that difficult--hell there was even a manager that had caught his eye towards the beginning of summer except he'd seen Eddie "The Freak" Munson of all people hanging around her.

Although after a few months of seeing Eddie around StarCourt not being a wastoid menace, Steve had to admit...well he wasn't that bad either.

The one who'd caught his eye the most though was you, and yeah...he'd developed an actual big little long-lasting crush.

You, who came around for a root-beer float most afternoons.

You, whose smile made his heart skip a little.

You in your pink polo, teal apron, and white visor with the words Dippin' Dots emblazoned on the front.

The enemy.

And you never let him forget it either.

Steve had been heart eyes over you the first time you had entered into Scoops territory to order your float. Undercover in casual summer clothes a week after the mall had opened. There was just something about you, your smile, your laugh.

Robin teased that he said that about everyone; Steve ignored her.

Then you opened your mouth and said the float was good but the service could have been better. That Steve should stop by Dippin' Dots sometime and see how it was really done.

Shots fired.

It really hurt at first. This was his first real job outside of the community pool, one he had been excited to get. He was really nice, tried his best; why didn't you think so?

"It's called flirting," Robin insisted. "God, you really suck, you know that? How can you ask people out willy nilly and then miss someone flirting with you right in front of your face? Flirt back next time."

So he did.

Every so often he'd mosey across the mall to your kiosk, order a small vanilla cup, and throw a little insult of his own your way. Usually something about how tiny balls of ice cream could never beat an actual scoop. Or about how you didn't count his change the right way, or that your visor was on crooked.

You wouldn't hesitate to get your own comment in. Especially about his choice in flavor.

"You work at an ice cream parlor and you order vanilla?" you questioned. "A hundred flavors to choose from at scoops; do you only get vanilla there too? Vanilla...is good but when you have variety? Order something exciting one day, and then we can talk business, Stevie."

Oof, it steamed him.

But not enough to stop playing the game.

And it left you both grinning so who was he to end the fun.

So when you showed up at Scoops today after not being around for a few days and your smile didn't reach your eyes like it usually did...Steve was suddenly overcome with...well he didn't really know.

"Ahoy, uh, sailor," he greeted and tried to put on his biggest award-winning, tip-earning smile.

"Ahoy," you replied weakly.

"Root beer float?" he asked, already heading over to the case to start scooping ice cream into a cup.

"Uh," you hesitated. "No, just...just a small vanilla cup today."

Steve froze and looked at you. Your shoulders were slumped, you had your visor in your hand, and you were pointedly avoiding eye contact with him.

What was...what was wrong with you?

Where was your fight? Where was your fire? Why, all of a sudden, was your game over?

"Hey, uhm," he coughed awkwardly. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, Steve," you nodded absently.

"You always get root beer."

"I just want vanilla today."

"The special is salted caramel? I can give you a sample if you're--"

"No, I just want vanilla," you cut him off and rolled your eyes. "You always get vanilla. Why is it a problem if I suddenly do? Vanilla is good too. Maybe vanilla is just...what we both want ok? Nothing else."

He was shocked. That wasn't playful annoyance in your voice; you were just...annoyed.

"Sure," he agreed. "Sure. One small vanilla coming right up."

He got your ice cream and rang you out, and as you were about to leave, he called after you.

"See you in a little while?" he asked.

"If you want." You waved goodbye and headed out of the ice cream parlor.

Steve turned and looked at Robin who simply rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"What just happened?" he asked.

"You're hopeless," she sighed and slammed the shutters on the window closed.

---

Steve roamed around the mall on his break.

Typically, he'd make his way to Dippin' Dots but...that just seemed like a waste of time today.

He'd fixated on your visit for the rest of his shift until his break, analyzing everything he said, everything he did. Everything that could have made you mad at him.

Once he got Robin out of her hiding spot in the back room, he monologued all of his thoughts to her.

She watched him pace back and forth, called him a dingus a few times, a loser a few other times, and then finally sent him on his break with some last words.

"I know you're hearing everything they're saying Steve," she began. "But are you really listening? You just keep...ordering vanilla."

"Uh. Yeah. That's the game."

"It's not a game you...ughhhhh! GO!" She pointed to the exit. "Before I throttle you."

Why couldn't she just tell him? What had he done?

In his rumination, he'd been chewing at his lips. A habit he had pretty much done his entire life when he got nervous.

Shit, and he'd left his chapstick in the car; it was hot, it probably melted by now.

That was one of the little ways you made his life a little better...through your teasing. You had told him, once, that his lips looked dry.

"Maybe invest in some chapstick or something."

He'd gone to Melvald's that same night that you told him and got a 3-pack of strawberry chapstick. All the while wondering if it meant you had been looking at his lips for a while or...

But it was...just another little jab right? Another little flirt? Another part of your game?

Still, he never knew when you might show up so the chapstick became a constant--something that soothed him even, gave him courage--and he always had a tube tucked into the pocket of his shorts, or on the register, or in the cupholder of his car. To swipe on if he knew he was about to see you...or hoped he was.

And now...he desperately needed it, needed his strawberry chapstick--needed you--and it was nowhere to be found.

Steve stopped in his tracks and looked at the stores around him.

WaldenBooks, Regis Salon, JH Camera Repair.

Claires.

Bingo.

He'd seen little kids with their play makeup and sparkly plastic jewelry post up in one of the booths at Scoops after they spent their allowance money at Claire's. He had to find strawberry chapstick there. He'd even take cherry. Something.

Anything.

Steve crossed into the pink-and-purple-and-pop-music-filled oasis to a melodic "Welcome In" from the employee helping a little girl by the ear piercing booth. And as out of place as he felt, he was immediately relieved to see a wall full of eyeshadow palettes and glitter hairspray.

He closed the distance and frantically searched the wall, but it was all novelty makeup. There was one package of Dr. Pepper lip smackers, but the package was half-ripped and the cap was missing; he was a little worried but he figured it was better than nothing.

He was about to snatch it off the hook when that voice sounded behind him.

"Did you need help finding anything?" He immediately turned on his heel to find the employee--the manager, Eddie Munson's girlfriend--standing there in a flourish of tulle and fluorescent colors. "Oh! That's a customer favorite...looks like it's damaged though, let me just..."

She reached out to take the package but Steve reacted instinctually. He quickly grabbed it and clutched it to his chest.

"I don't mind," he tried to reason. "I don't care if it's missing the cap."

"Listen, I can't sell it to you if it's damaged," the manager explained. "It's just not safe. Is there anything else I can help you find though?"

She reached for the package again but he held it back.

"I need this," Steve tried again.

"Oh...kay."

"Because I messed up and this...you know the cashier down at the Dippin' Dots kiosk? Well...I don't know...I pissed them off or something and I just need to...go down and talk to them and I can't."

"So the lip balm is a gift for them? To make amends?"

"No...it's for me because my lips are dry." Steve sighed. "I...ok I know it sounds crazy, but I swear. It's...they got me to start using chapstick because they said my lips were dry and it's this thing we do. We go back and forth and we tease each other.

"But they're mad at me now, and they didn't...I mean they ordered vanilla. They never order vanilla. They hate it when I order vanilla."

"Uh huh." The manager's eyes went a little soft. "I'm not...really following the logic...but I get it."

"You do?"

"You like each other. But you're just...going back and forth. And no one has really...admitted it," she observed. She suddenly burst into laughter and Steve cocked his head to one side in confusion. "Sorry, sorry...it's just...whatafuckincoincidence.

"So are you the one who's afraid of being rejected? Or...are they...or..."

Cue the record scratch in Steve's head.

Rejection.

All summer...all year actually...Steve had been faced with one rejection after another. First Nancy, then all of the college applications, his dad and now...all of the little fleeting mall crushes that he'd asked out that had said no.

Robin had even made a scoreboard that sat in the back whenever someone turned him down.

He thought all this time...he'd become immune to it. But with you...it was easier to think it was just a game than to possibly face the reality that if he asked you out...you'd say no and then the little game would be ruined. And his hopes would be dashed.

He didn't realize that all of his waffling could potentially be hurting you too.

"Why don't you," the manager continued when Steve hesitated to answer, "go down there and talk to them? Even if they're mad at you. Communication is very important. I'm sure if you explain everything, or even...just show that you're willing to bridge the gap, they'd be willing to listen. The worst they could say is no, but if they're already mad, you have nothing to lose. See if they'll give you a chance."

"So I...shouldn't order vanilla this time?" He looked up at her and asked, recalling your words.

Order something exciting, and then we can talk business.

The door had been open for him to ask you out this whole time.

And that's why you ordered vanilla earlier. Because Vanilla meant...meant that this...flirtation...this game...wasn't going anywhere. He hadn't made a move, so you didn't want to wait anymore.

God, he was so stupid.

"Uh, no...don't do that," the manager smiled kindly. She reached out for the broken lip balm and took it from him. "I'll just...damage this out."

"Wait...but my lips are still dry," Steve floundered. "I still need chapstick."

"Do you think there's gonna be some kissing happening?" the manager's eyes narrowed. "I said talk to them, not...plant one on them."

"I just need...something," he begged. "Strawberry...if you have it."

"I think we have strawberry flavored lip gloss by the register."

"I'll take it."

---

So there Steve was, in the concourse by JCPenney, patiently waiting in the line for Dippin' Dots with sticky, strawberry-flavored lips tinted a very nice shade of pink.

As soon as he had swiped the gloss on...as silly as he had felt...he had been reminded of you.

"Next!" your voice sounded every so often and the line got shorter and shorter, and Steve's courage got weaker and weaker. The Claire's manager had been right though...communication...the worst you could tell Steve was "no."

"Next!" You'd be just another tally on Robin's scoreboard. And she could call him a dingus again. She really enjoyed doing that. So some good would at least come from his failure.

"Next!" He'd also get...a cup of Dippin' Dots which...if he had to admit, he kinda enjoyed. He got all the Scoops ice cream he wanted for free but this was different. Ice Cream of the Future and all that. He sort of expected Henderson to come up with something like this, the little nerd; well, if he could never show his face here again, he'd ask the kids if they could figure out how to make some kind of futuristic ice cream for him.

"Ne--oh!" Steve finally got to the front of the line and saw your shocked face. He smiled and waved as he approached the register.

"Hey," he greeted. "I told you I'd see you around."

"You did," you said flatly and scrunched your nose. "So...the usual? Small vanilla cup?"

"Uh no..." Steve said hesitantly. You raised an eyebrow in question. "I uh...can I get a large..."

"Large vanilla?" You sniffed.

"Large Rainbow Ice," he recited after squinting at the menu board. "It's time for something new."

You stared at him silently and Steve couldn't help but doubt himself.

What if Rainbow Ice was the wrong answer? Should he have gone with Banana Split? Shit he should have just stuck with Strawberry. It was his favorite. Strawberry chapstick, strawberry gloss, strawberry ice cream. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Yeah," you finally answered with a beaming smile and Steve's heart soared. "Yeah it is time for something new, isn't it?"

Next Part: Incremental Planning

[lazyjellyfish300]

DD pt 3 part 2 of 2

Fem reader x Miguel O'Hara who is your Uber driver

This art was commissioned to accompany this chapter by the incredibly talented @/ejpuki on Instagram. Please go support the original artist!

Pt 1 , Pt 2 , Pt 3 1 , Part 4 , Part 5

Synopsis- fem reader drinks too much and the bartender calls a random Uber for her which happens to be Miguel O'Hara himself. Her friends suck and ditch her. There's a lot of tension on the ride home...

TW: MINORS DNI, some blood, little.violence, suggestive content ,age gap (reader 26, Miguel 34), this one is a sad one, inspired by the original comic

-----

Over the next few days you two text back and forth and talk on the phone. You feel so happy and excited about this budding romance between you two. It's been so long since you felt safe enough to let yourself catch feelings for a guy. You flood his phone while he's at work. Miguel isn't used to someone texting him so often but it's kind of cute how you update him on every little thing that's happening in your day and he has to try not to burst out laughing in the break room at some of the Instagram reels you send him. 

Your text convo: 

Miguel (pookie 🐻❤️) : Why tf would you send me a video of a banana cat with that sad music 😂😐🤨 and who is that white guy that's always randomly showing up at the end of videos with that whistle tune playing? 

You(amor ❤️): it's a meme babe you don't get it😂😂😂 it's supposed to be random, that's what makes it funny af. And that's Josh Hutcherson. You've never seen or read Hunger Games?! 

Miguel(pookie 🐻❤️): no, I haven't. Your sense of humor is a little broken I'm afraid. 🤨 You kids and your memes. 

You(amor ❤️): my sense of humor is just fine 😂LMAO you're only like 8 years older than me. 😂 we're watching it immediately! And we're going to Barnes and Noble to get you a copy. 😇 

Miguel(pookie 🐻❤️): hmmm fine.😌 When would you like to, cutie? ❤️

You(amor ❤️): This weekend please? ❤️❤️❤️

Miguel(pookie 🐻❤️): I'm so sorry, I'll have Gabi with me. But she'll be at her mom's next weekend. Can we do it then? ❤️ 

You(amor ❤️): that's okay I totally understand! ❤️ Yes please! I'm so excited ❤️ I miss you... 

Miguel(pookie 🐻❤️): perfect. I miss you more. ❤️

--------- 

Next Friday

Miguel drives to work, his heart like a dead weight in his chest and his mind racing with different scenarios on how he's going to tell his boss he's had enough. This isn't what he signed up for. The project he was overseeing at work was trying to create these "special abilities"in humans. One of the test subjects passed away this week and he'd be lying to himself if he said it wasn't messing with his head. He had nightmares about her. She couldn't have been older than 19. Her blue eyes frantic as she realized she might not make it off the lab table alive. Her horrified screams ringing in his eardrums. Miguel's fist clamped tighter around the steering wheel as he choked back a sob. He felt this was his burden to shoulder alone. He knew he was falling for you steadily now, and he didn't want you to go crazy worrying about him. He knows you love to try and fix people, a lot of times to your detriment and couldn't stand to see you in that position or live with the fact that he put you there. 

 He really didn't care for his boss, Tyler Stone either. Tyler Stone was the 6'3, blonde haired, blue eyed, egotistical vice president over Research and Development at Alchemax. He and the other higher ups just spent all day figuratively (and possibly literally) sucking each other off in boardroom meetings for the hard work everyone underneath them was doing. He was a businessman, not a scientist, and it became clear to Miguel that profit came first for him over scientific discovery and advancement, and his cronies shared the same philosophy. 

Miguel faced the man now, sitting in his office. Tyler sighed and walked over to his decanter set that sat in the corner of his office on top of a polished mahogany drink cabinet. 

"Care for some bourbon?" He asked, rolling up his sleeves.

Miguel pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. 

"It pains me to hear that you're wanting to leave, it really does." Tyler says as he pours the bourbon in two short, square glasses. 

"I chose you because I believed you could handle it. Your track record doesn't lie, Miguel. You were top of your class at Columbia University. I've seen your research and read your thesis that you did with them. You know Dain was actually the one that submitted your nomination to me when I was looking for someone to promote?" Tyler hands the glass of bourbon to Miguel who murmurs a low thank you. 

"My point is, if you leave, I got no one to replace you, and that makes my job even more tough." Tyler takes a sip of his bourbon and makes a small face. "I'm going to bat for your little science project every time I meet with the board of directors. I'll be honest with you, they're ready to trim the fat." Tyler's blue eyes bore into Miguel's over the rim of his glass. "But I tell them that this process, is worth the wait. We won't have these superhuman abilities lined up for purchase on shelves tomorrow. But give or take a few years we will be the first to break 100 bil in quarterly revenue when we roll this out to the public.  My point is, I'm willing to do whatever I gotta do to keep this project afloat because I've ran the numbers, I've seen what guys like you and Dain can do. It's a worthwhile investment."

Miguel takes a sip of his bourbon and winces. Fuck it, he downs the rest of the whiskey, his throat on fire. He holds out his empty glass to Tyler who takes it and goes to refill it, his back turned to Miguel.

 "I'm sorry...." Miguel finally says. "I've made up my mind. I'm flattered that you think I'm the right person for this job, but I'm telling you, I don't want to be the guy who all of this is riding on anymore. I'm not gonna gamble if people's lives are the chips."

Tyler's face went dark and he started tapping the side of his glass, his back still turned to Miguel.

Since when did this fucker grow a conscience? He knows he wouldn't be doing this job if he wasn't getting paid for it either right? He'd given Miguel and his team resources that any group of scientists would give their left kidney for. It was thanks to him in those board meetings that those ungrateful bastards even still had a job. And now their hang up is human test subjects? 

Tyler handed Miguel back another glass and said nothing as he watched Miguel down it. Miguel winced again as he finished his liquor, throat still on fire and cheeks starting to flush. 

Tyler turned back around, looking at the now setting sun on the horizon. "I'm afraid I can't let you go." He said calmly. 

Miguel raised an eyebrow, then suddenly his face turned white when Tyler held up an empty vial of Rapture, his back still turned to him. Tyler spoke again, his back still facing Miguel. "Alchemax is the only distributor of Rapture. Leave if you want, but I'm going to have to be forced to let the board know and involve law enforcement when they realize one of their silly little scientists couldn't keep his hands out of the cookie jar and became a needy little addict." He took a long sip. 

"You're not gonna make me look like a weak little bitch in front of the whole board. I don't lose, Miguel. You're not gonna fuck this up for me." 

Enraged, Miguel shot up, shattering the shot glass in his hand, blood gushing out of his fingers. "You fucking piece of shit!" 

Tyler remained calm. "You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead. I used your sign in to get this vial from the lab. The access history and empty vial next to my dead body will just deepen the hole you dug yourself. Either do as I say, or throw away your freedom right now and kill me before you even had a chance to see your little girl go to Prom." 

Miguel paused. This fucker was playing chess with him. Tyler took another sip. "It'd be a damn shame if you did. Especially about that new slutty girlfriend of yours. Did you even get to find out what her pussy feels like?"

That was it. Miguel threw his chair against the wall, the wooden legs splintering into the cabinet Tyler was leaning up against, a neutral expression on his prick face as he sipped more bourbon. 

Miguel turned and left the office, and slammed the door so hard the receptionist let out a small squeak of terror as Miguel tore down the hallway, rage seething out of his ears. 

  "Aaron?" Tyler asked in his cold expressionless voice. 

A short, balding man in his mid-thirties with green eyes and thick black rimmed glasses stepped out from behind a two way mirror in the corner of Tyler's office. 

"You rewrote the code in Machine A-2099 in sector 8, right?" 

"Yes boss." 

--------

You hummed happily as you lit a few of your favorite vanilla almond scented candles on your coffee table. You went all out with a smorgasbord of treats for your movie date night with Miguel including popcorn, gummy worms, Milk Duds, Pretzels, M&Ms, beef jerky, and root beer floats. As soon as you got off work, you cleaned the whole apartment top to bottom and put fresh sheets on the bed. You checked your phone anxiously.

Text convo: 

Miguel (pookie 🐻❤️): Good morning beautiful ❤️ how'd you sleep? Have a great day, I'll be at your apartment at 8 pm. 

You(amor ❤️): you just made my whole morning!🥰🥰 Good morning handsome! I slept great! I'm so looking forward to movie night tonight. I have a bunch of treats and goodies for us to snack on too. 😇

Miguel (pookie 🐻❤️): that sounds wonderful, baby. ❤️ Driving to work now, I'll text you when I get there but I'm not going to be able to talk much today. I have a meeting with the boss and a bunch of other stuff related to the project I'm overseeing. Just wanted to let you know not to worry ❤️ I'll call you at 6! 

6 pm came and went and you felt sick to your stomach. 

You(amor ❤️): Babe? Everything okay, I tried you twice. 

Nothing. 

You (amor ❤️): Miguel? It's 9 pm. Are you okay? Please just call or text me to let me know everything's okay...

It was now 10 pm. He wasn't coming. Your stomach lay in knots. You had called him 28 times with no answer.

What's happening? Is he cheating on me? Did he get into an accident? Is he dead on the side of the road while I'm hundreds of miles away and can't do anything?

He gets busy at work but he always, always checks in with you. You can't help but fight back tears at his untouched root beer float sitting next to yours. You knew going into this that you had to jump, knowing you were gonna fall and he might not be there to catch you. Well, here you were with a small dagger in your heart on what was supposed to be your second date. You couldn't help but let yourself get in your head. His rejection of you this time confirmed everything you feared about yourself. You laid down on the couch and sobbed quietly to sleep. 

------

That same night at Alchemax

Miguel's painful screams reverberated off the tiled floor of the genetics lab at Alchemax. The tall powerful man he was, was writhing on the floor in agony. It was as though his blood had turned to acid. His whole body felt on fire. Please God, if I'm supposed to die right now just take me already. He hadn't felt pain this intense ever before in his life. His eyes turned bloodshot, foaming at the mouth as his saliva bubbled and splurted out in incoherent gasps. 

Aside from his screams, the machine responsible for his pain let out a low beep. Miguel knew that a copy of his original DNA sample was logged into one of the gene altering machines that he set up when he was first put in charge of Tyler's superhuman project. He knew that as long as he had a drop of Rapture in him, he'd remain an addict defenseless against his new dependency Tyler forced on him. He had tried in vain to rewrite his current biology back to the original, but Tyler was one step ahead. Tyler knew nothing about science or how DNA worked, but it didn't take much to convince Miguel's bitter, jealous subordinate, Aaron Delgado to sabotage the machine. Very little was known about what type of effect that might have on a human, so there was a good chance he'd just die. Just what they wanted. Aaron and Tyler's smug faces entered the lab, watching Miguel suffer and taunting him, even pouring up another round of bourbon while they waited for the show to end. Yep, he'd be dead in just a few more minutes. They had an alibi and a cover up ready to go. They'd post his job opening by Monday and then they could pretend like this never happened. Miguel suddenly became still, his chest seeming to freeze in place, no longer rising and falling with his normal breathes. 

Gabriella, my little girl...I'm so sorry....I love you more than anything 

His eyes became glassy with tears. He was on his way to finding happiness with you too, only to have the rug pulled out from under him, now he was going to die here, alone. And those who killed him would never know justice behind their corporate wall of privilege and greed that would surely protect them. He uttered your name, his lips barely moving before his eyes fell closed and saw only black.. 

----

Pt 4 coming soon! Thanks for the support 🖤

@mysteris-things

[peachdues]

PHANTASMAGORIA: THE CUT SCENES

Now that Phantasmagoria: Part III has been out for a few days, I thought I would share some of the cut scenes, as well as some of the deviations from the original draft/outline of Phantasmagoria as a whole for anyone who is interested or wants to see a bit into my writing progress!

Spoiler: if you thought the final version couldn't get any angstier, you would be incorrect lol. Everything is under the cut! NSFW warning, light TW.

CUT SCENES -- NOT INCLUDED IN FINAL DRAFT BUT WRITTEN

Part III opened post-kitchen hate-fuck from Sanemi's POV where he broke down in his room. Flashback montage of Y/N and Sanemi throughout the years, happy, smiling, and the best of friends. Scenes included Sanemi piggy-backing Y/N when they were small children, a scene when they were teens and she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder, etc. Cut back to present and he thinks about how far they've fallen.

Sanemi flashback to the night he and Y/N reunited at the club; Sanemi tries not to think about how much it stings that Y/N hugged Kyo but barely greeted him. Hearing "Sanemi," and not "Nemi," stung a lot more than he thought it would. Reminisces about how he always used to pretend to be annoyed by her hugs, but he secretly coveted them and would always try to find ways to prolong them.

More of Sanemi's thoughts/feelings after he and Y/N started sleeping together + his panic at the idea that she might also die and he will have lost yet another person he loves

Sanemi's inner monologe where he decides he will be whatever she wants him to be (after they dance in Part I) -- even if that means he's nothing more to her than a warm body to fuck (callback to Part 2 when she tells him that's how he sees her)

Longer fight between Y/N and Sanemi over the first night issue

During the makeup/makeout in Part III, Y/N and Sanemi 69 and try to see who can get the other to finish first. Sanemi wins.

Convo snippet: "You don't know me," "Yes, I do. I might be the only person who really does; who sees every part of you."

ORIGINAL DRAFT -- SCENES IN FINAL VERSION CHANGED

Sanemi originally found out that Y/N's mom was sick before she died and would go visit her to keep her company

Mitsuri, not Shinobu, OD'ed -- Mitsuri and Obanai didn't end up together so she went on a bender during the lake weekend

The Douma scene was a lot more explicit (form Y/N's POV) and a lot worse. Douma had her naked and he was taking photos to send around while she cried. Sanemi, not Akaza, was the one to find them, and he beats Douma so bad he almost kills him. Y/N struggles between wanting to cling to Sanemi for comfort as he carries her out of there, and wanting to keep herself distanced because she swore she would not let him in. Scene was inspired by Ptolemea by Ethel Cain (song was later used to inspire the scene where she has a panic attack while Sanemi brings up her mother)

After the main confrontation between the two in the kitchen, Y/N was going to blow Sanemi right then and there (instead of them taking time to think/process)

[wikiangela]

fuck it friday

tagged by @daffi-990 @hippolotamus @fortheloveofbuddie @jesuisici33 @loserdiaz @disasterbuckdiaz 💖💖

I planned to post more of the phone sex fic today but didn't manage to write anything new for it and don't wanna force it lol - this week has been so exhausting and I've been feeling less inspired, but hopefully it'll get better soon haha so for now here's more of alive shannon - this is a scene from ch2 and eddie and shannon's divorce talk that I was gonna post on tuesday but then went with the alternate universes convo bc i wasn't sure about this one but like, fuck it, right? haha

prev snippet

___

“I could’ve made some better decisions, too.” Eddie admits, hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Could’ve gone to your mom’s with you. I still haven’t apologized for that. I’m sorry.” he says with so much sincerity and sorrow.

“It’s-” the word okay gets stuck in her throat. Because it’s not. It never was. She had to choose between staying with her son, and a husband she did nothing but argue with, or go spend the little time she had left with her mom. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t okay, and she was so tired and overwhelmed, and angry, and she couldn’t fucking do it anymore. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision, but she had to go. She had to see her mother, take care of her… say goodbye. Getting to do that is the one and only thing about that decision she doesn’t regret.

“Yeah.” Eddie breathes out, and silence falls over them, for just a few seconds that feel like forever.

“I get that you needed time.” she suddenly speaks up, not able to conceal the hurt and anger in her voice, as it still lingers there, even years later. She knows her own faults, but she’s not the only one responsible here. “You had just gotten back, you wanted to be close to your family, you needed time to adjust. I get that, and I didn’t want to pressure you, but- my mom didn’t have that much time, and I needed to be with her. I know you’d do the same if it was anyone from your family.”

“That’s true.” he says quietly.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gayarthur @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @eddiediaztho @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @callaplums @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @ladydorian05 @giddyupbuck @forthewolves @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @eowon @theotherbuckley

[hood-ex]

Day 31: Free Day

Well. I had this whole amnesia arc inspired edit compilation for today buuut hellsite ruined the quality of it sooo enjoy a practice convo I wrote while brainstorming for the dickroy flower shop/tattoo shop fic.

Roy: Let me guess… you like me but my kid's a deal-breaker for you.

Dick: What's Lian got to do with anything?

Roy: It's got everything to do with everything. I've played this game before, Dick. I've played it over and over. I can’t even blame people because I used to be the same way before I had Lian. Committing to a fling or a relationship is one thing, committing to a kid is a whole other ballpark, and most people aren’t up to bat.

Dick: Sounds like you’re chucking the bat at the dugout before even giving me a chance to swing.

Roy: You’ve gotta understand, I have to be careful who I hand the bat to. If Lian gets attached to people and then they leave… I don’t want to hurt her like that.

Dick: Has it happened before?

Roy: With a girl I used to be in love with. She loved Lian, and Lian loved her, but she freaked when Lian started thinking of her as a mom figure. She broke up with me not too long after that. Lian was upset about it for weeks.

Dick: That’s tough for a kid to deal with.

Roy: And that’s why I don’t want a repeat performance.

[tomato-fendo-writes]

Fun Fax: OLM Chapter 13

me, my betas, lee, and jin this chapter like

once again, throwing hands with the timeline this whole chapter. couldnt decide what hours of the day Kazuya left for a long time while writing chapter 12, and that only carried over here lol. most of my ish there was working around Lee finding out that Kazuya bolted for the day, and golly i gotta start ironing this kinda thing out sooner lol

i know this is tekken, but i am also a martial artist and a human, so i could not ignore the damage that would be done by punching something full force, let alone for hours. punching a makiwara ONCE hurt my baby knuckles 💀 gonna have to suspend disbelief for me a bit here, especially when i have to contend with Tekken Physics later on lol. really trying to walk the line between realism and shonen physics

wont lie, a couple lines from this chapter were directly inspired by God of War (2018). namely, the “You left me, again,” and “WHY DON’T YOU CARE” lines - and also, Kazuya calling Jin “boy” as much as he does in this stage in general sdhfjk. it really works for him, but i get to have fun with making Jin finally lose his cool over it

okay ANOTHER thing i pulled insp from for this chap was Treasure Planet (the way Jin pressed himself into Lee with his forehead instead ofoutright hugging, “forget it. forget it.”) i adore the movie, so it snuck in lol

THE ENTIRE SCENE WITH LEE TELLING OFF KAZUYA FOR BEING INCONSIDERATE, I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THAT SCENE FROM THE INCREDIBLES WHEN BOB COMES HOME LATE AND HELEN GRILLS HIM HDSFJK

before i decided on the exacts of how Jin and Kaz’s convo went last chapter, i had a version of their talk in this one that was mellower, and even had Kaz explain where he got his scar/what happened to his mom here instead of there

this chapter is where i had to give up and just accept that the first chunk of this fic is Idiot Plot dhsjhd. actually the whole fic is, because we are all stupid and no one here freaking talks abt things they need to

favorite beta comment was just “kazuya should b shot fr”

i’ll be real, this chapter was largely written so many months ago that i’ve forgotten a lot of the processes with it lol. i try to write FF as i work on the chapters, but some get left behind if nothing sticks out to me. i’ll just say that every convo was tweaked and changed approx 200 times and if you think it’s long as-is, i trimmed off a couple hundred words or so before finalizing lol

[falcqns]

𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐲

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: with you i serve, with you i fall down. watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: hint of autistic!Bucky, inaccurate medical writing by me (pls dont resusitate someone by hitting and punching their chest ok), internalized homophobia but only briefly, violence, blood, hospitals, nightmares. mentions of murder, and weapons.

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: just me channelling my inner @musette22 honestly. inspired by this convo with @natashasera. will probably include a part two at some point.

to who ever reads this: don't bother asking for a part two, you won't get it. i am the owner of this fic, and this blog, and I, and only I, will decided what fic gets a part two and when. respect me and my wishes or get off my blog. thanks!

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

The Asset collapsed beside The Target's body, watching it's shallow breathing. It knows it should flee, but The Target is important. not just important to it's handlers, but to The Asset as well. The Target knew The Asset, and carried an expression on its face that The Asset had never seen before.

The Target coughed, blood spurting from its mouth. The Target wheezed, and before The Asset could think about his actions, he was pulling on Steve's arm, and rolling him onto his side, maneuvering him into the recovery position.

Bucky blinked, confused. where was he? what had happened? he looked around him, and saw large skyscrapers reaching into the heavens. his breathing was now as shallow as Steve's was only moments ago, which made him look back at Steve, not being able to hear Steve's rattling chest anymore. the same rattling chest that kept him up at night, the two of them crammed into a small twin sized bed because thats all they could afford.

he pushed Steve on his back, and flesh hand shook, trying to remember what Sarah, Steve's mom and the best second parent Bucky could have asked for, taught him to do if her son ever stopped breathing. he choked out a sob, leaning down and listening for breathing. he choked out a laugh, hearing the steady rise and fall of his lungs, smooth and healthy. his eyes roamed over Steve's body, and he slowly began to piece together that had happened since the last time they were in their cozy Brooklyn apartment.

the war, the draft, the serum. the train, the metal bar breaking and plunging him into the snowy depths below. seeing Steve's break out into terror and desperation, and the ground came rushing towards him faster than a leaf falling from a tree.

he looked down, feeling warmth surround one of his knees. thick, scarlet blood was pouring from an injury on Steve's side, and there was too much blood. too much for him, even.

"fuck, Stevie," Bucky whimpered, and rolled him over. Bucky's body almost crumpled seeing the gunshot wound in Steve's side. "no, no, no," he gasped, pressing his hands to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Steve was pale, too pale. paler than when he got tuberculosis, and Bucky lost Steve twice in one night, bringing him back each time with a combination of CPR, praying, and slapping his white skin.

"Stevie, don't do this," he begged, just like he had then. "jus' stay with me. stay with me, i'll get you help. c'mon," he said, pushing all his body weight on the wound.

suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching from behind him. his head whipped around, and his eyes landed on a man in a SHIELD uniform. hope filled his tired body, and he broke out into a smile.

"sir," he gasped for air, feeling 10 years old again, and helping Steve after some playground bullies beat him up. "i need help. i think he's bleeding out," he said.

his eyes were so focused on the other man, that he didn't notice the bleeding stop. he also didn't notice blue eyes gazing up at him, filled with love.

"h-he needs help," Bucky gasped, not understanding why the man wasn't moving. "he's gonna die, and i can't lose him, please!" he begged, and watched as the man groaned.

"man, Pierce is gonna kill me," the man groaned, and walked towards Bucky. Bucky went to smile, but all the muscles in his face relaxed and contorted into terror as the man grabbed his tac suit on the shoulder, and began to drag him away.

Bucky shook his head, a scream ripping from his throat.

"NO!" he shouted, trying to get away. "you have to help him! he's gonna die!"

the man groaned, and reached for his gun. "can't believe i got roped into doing this shit," he growled, but before he could as much as pull his gun out of his holster, he was interrupted by a deep, smooth voice.

"don't even think about it, Rumlow." Steve said, struggling to keep his voice steady, pointing his own gun at the rogue agent.

"it's not-" Rumlow began, releasing Bucky, and letting him crash onto his dislocated arm, pain shooting up his torso.

"it's not personal?" Steve growled, moaning in pain and inching closer to Rumlow, the gun pressing closer to him. "it sure feels like it. especially if you're going after the one person i'd burn the world for if it meant i could save him."

"Cap, i'm just following orders." Rumlow tried to reason, but before he could finish his defence, a gun shot rang out, and Rumlow fell to the ground, dead before he even made contact with the wet grass.

Bucky broke out into sobs, grabbing onto Steve's tac suit with his flesh hand.

"Stevie-" he gasped, and Steve fell to his knees. his hands grabbed onto Bucky, and he pulled him close.

"'m here," Steve said, voice growing weak. "'s all right, you're safe."

"don't leave." Bucky begged, soaking Steve's dirty suit with his tears.

Steve went to answer, but was interrupted by Sam running into the clearing where they were. upon seeing Bucky, he pulled his gun out, but was stopped by Steve.

"don't," Steve said. "he's fine. it's him, not the other one." Sam nodded, and called over his comm his location to Nat, Fury, and Maria.

"are you hurt," Sam asked, approaching them. Steve nodded.

"he is too," Steve said, motioning to Bucky. "his arm is dislocated."

Sam got on his knees and nodded. "okay. Bucky, can you roll over so i can put your arm back in the socket?" he asked, and Bucky looked warily up at Steve, but when Steve nodded, he complied, his hand still gripping Steve's suit.

"3...2...1..." Sam counted down, before pushing on his arm, and popping it back in place. Bucky let out a shout, hot tears rolling down his face at the pain. Steve shushed him and wiped his tears as a helicopter approached. as they were brought inside the helicopter and the door slid shut behind him, Bucky didn't let go of Steve, and continue to cry into his chest, afraid that Steve would slip away if he let go of him.

"no!" Bucky said, readjusting his grip on Steve's suit. "don'! don't take him!" Bucky cried, breathing heavy.

"Bucky," Sam said, his hand wrapping around Bucky's and trying to get him to release Steve. they'd made it to the hospital, and the nurses had tried to wheel Steve away for surgery, but Bucky refused to part with him. "he's gonna be okay. they're just gonna take him into surger-"

"NO!" Bucky screeched, flinging himself ontop of Steve. "you can't!" he exclaimed, and Sam and Nat shared a confused look. "the last t-time he went into surgery he got sepsis and almost d-died!" Bucky sobbed, and Nat sighed, before slowly walking up to him, and gently prying his hand off of Steve, allowing the nurses to wheel him away.

"it's okay, James," she whispered, seeing the terror and heartbreak on Bucky's face as Steve was wheeled away. Bucky tried to pull away, but his body remained where it was, exhausted. "he's strong. super strong, remember?" she said, moving his dirty hair from his face. "remember how he got the serum, and he wasn't sick anymore?" she prompted, and Sam, realizing what she was doing, sat down on Bucky's other side, and rubbed his shoulder.

"he just needs to get the bullet removed, and get some stitches," Sam said. "once that's done, you can go see him again, okay?" Sam said, and him and Natasha smiled at each other when he began to relax into their arms. "he's going to be okay." Sam said, and looked at Nat as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"why don't we go back to my place and get you cleaned up?" she offered. "Steve's going to be in surgery for a while, and he'll be happy to see you clean," she said. Bucky pondered it for a moment, before agreeing, and letting Sam help him stand up, and the three of them slowly made their way out of the hospital, and into Nat's car.

"can you tell me the last thing you remember," Nat asked as she washed Bucky's hair in the kitchen sink. "before the draft?" Bucky nodded, and thought back.

"i remember saving Steve from a fight behind some diner. i guess he had heard someone cat calling one of our old school friends, and decided to give him a piece of his mind. but, like always, he ended up black and blue because he never got the fact that he was 80 pounds and the size of a tree branch through his thick skull.” Bucky said, sighing as Nat’s nails scratched at his scalp.

“is he really going to be okay?” Bucky asked, his eyes focusing on some of the light blue paint on the eggshell white ceiling of Nat’s apartment.

Nat nodded. “he’s going to be fine. he’ll pull through, he always has, hasn’t he?”

Bucky nodded. “yeah he has.” Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat before he spoke again. “has he told you about the time when he died twice in one night?”

Nat shook her head, concerned. “no he hasn’t.”

Bucky chuckled quietly, his flesh forefinger tracing the plates of his metal hand. “he had tuberculosis. he’d had it a few times, but this time was by far the worst. he hadn’t been feeling well all day, and he was getting worse and worse as the day went on. Sarah helped as much as she could, but eventually she had to go to work, so it was just me and Stevie in the apartment.”

Nat helped Bucky sit up and wrapped a towel around his head, drying the freshly cleaned hair. Bucky continued talking while Natasha ran a wide toothed comb through his hair, trying to detangle it.

“it was around 3 when i noticed his breathing change. i monitored it for a little bit, but ended up falling asleep. about 20 minutes later, i woke up, and something didn’t feel right. i looked over at S-Stevie, and his lips were turning blue. i remember starting cpr immediately and screaming for him to wake up. i don’t know how long i did cpr for but eventually he came back, and was weak but okay. i was going to call his ma but he told me no, and to let her work, being the jerk that he was. i stayed in the bed with him, and around 4 it happened again. i’d broken a few of his ribs while doing cpr and i didn’t want them to puncture his lung, so i just started shaking him and slapping him. i pounded his chest, above his heart a few times as hard as i could, and eventually he came back. he was stronger, and his breathing was better and a little smoother, and i knew he’d be okay.

"i just..." Bucky said, looking down at his hand and sniffling. "i just remember holding him and not wanting to let go. i wanted to tell him then," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "th-that i-uhm..."

"that you loved him?" Natasha said, maneuvering his shoulder length hair into a braid.

"y-yeah," Bucky stuttered, tear burning his eyes. "i know we'll never be able to be open about it, or get married, but i just want him to know."

"well," Natasha said, tying the braid off with an elastic. "you may not be able to get married yet, but you're allowed to be open about it," Natasha said.

Bucky jerked his head to look behind him. "w-what?"

"gay marriage isn't legalized yet, but it's legal to be in a relationship with who ever you want, as long as you're both consenting adults." Natasha said as she climbed off of the stool behind him. "so, when he wakes up, you can tell him how you feel." she said, giving Bucky a warm smile.

before Bucky could respond, Sam walked through the front door of the apartment.

"he's awake," Sam said, a smile on his face as he looked at the other two. "he's still a little groggy, but he's going to be okay, and the doctor said we can go visit him."

a smile broke out on Bucky's face, and it grew bigger when Nat patted him on the shoulder to get him to stand up.

"we can take my car," Nat said, swiping her keys off of the counter top where she'd dropped them earlier. Sam made a rebuttal as Bucky walked over to the shoe rack and grabbed his combat boots. did he want to put them back on? no, but it wasn't like he had other options.

he slid the boots on, and followed Natasha and Sam out the door. the ride to the hospital was quiet. Sam and Nat discussed what they needed to do about Bucky, and Bucky kept quiet, trying to present as though he didn't care what happened to him, but on the inside, his stomach was churning violently.

what would happen to him? he asked himself. would the judicial system understand what he went through, and understand that he wasn't a bad person, that he was forced to do bad things? or would they see him as a violent criminal who could snap at any moment and send him back to a cell for the rest of his life?

bad thoughts like that continued to swirl in his brain as Natasha's car slowed to a stop in the hospital parking lot. his stomach started to do flipflops as he followed the couple through the hallways, attempting to find Steve's hospital room. would Steve hate him? he didn't seem to hate him on the riverbank, which must mean he didn't. Bucky really hoped that he didn't. he really hoped that the Steve he was about to see would be the same Steve that went through Project Rebirth, and then infiltrated a HYDRA base by himself just to save Bucky. he hoped to God, that nothing has changed his Steve.

they came to a stop in front of the door, and Sam and Nat looked at him expectantly.

"well?" Nat asked, with a smirk.

"well, what?" Bucky asked, confused, looking between the two people.

"are you going to go in and see your man?" she asked, and Bucky had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"he's not my man." Bucky stated, and Sam snorted from where he was standing beside Nat.

"man, you spent the entire time Nat was washing your hair talking about Steve. you proclaimed you were in love with him, and basically admitted you want to marry him. how does that not make Steve 'your man?'" Sam said, and Bucky looked at him indignantly.

"me confessing my feelings doesn't mean he shares those same feelings," Bucky said, his eyes turning towards the closed hospital door. "as much as I wish he did."

"well, you're never going to know unless you ask him." Nat said. Bucky laughed.

"and ruin a friendship with my longest, and now only, friend? no. it's better to keep my feelings to myself. it'll hurt less eventually." Bucky resigned, and Sam chuckled next to him.

"conceal don't feel, don't let it show, right?" Sam said, and both him and Nat cracked up. Bucky looked between the two of them, feeling as if he'd missed something.

"...huh?" he said, and Nat had to bite her lip to stop from laughing.

"nothing. go see Steve." she said, pushing his shoulder. Bucky nodded slowly, confused, but turned to open the door. he stepped through, his eyes locked on the floor.

"go get 'em, Elsa!" he heard Sam shout through the doorway, and furrowed his brows again, confused on what Sam was talking about, but his face relaxed when he saw Steve, sitting up in bed, reading The Hobbit.

"S-Steve," Bucky said quietly. Steve looked over at him, and Bucky felt nauseous as his eyes lit up and his face broke out into a smile.

"hey, Buck. how are you feeling?" he said, placing the book down. Bucky gulped. he didn't know what to say. what could he say to Steve? the last time he was fully himself and spoke to Steve, it was 1945, and they talked about their trip to Coney Island, and how Steve threw up after Bucky made him go on the Cyclone.

the memory, while there, was extremely fuzzy, the only thing he could make out being the small, skinny, and pale face of his Stevie.

Stevie, the only man he'd ever loved. he loved him when he was small, and he loved him after he got the serum. as much as he loved the thought of him sitting in their apartment in New York waiting for him to come home like a dame would, it made him even happier (internally, on the outside he was still mad) to have Steve with him, fighting beside him. he loved him when he didn't know who he was. he loved him when he didn't know what was love was, because that had been successfully trained out of him. he loved him when he was sitting alone in his cell, confused about the pull he was feeling in his lower stomach. he loved Steven Grant Rogers, and the thought terrified him.

the thought that Steve wouldn't return his feelings. the thought that Steve would be like all those super 'macho' guys that they went to school with, who believed anyone who didn't fit their narrative of a normal person, would go to hell, which made no sense. how was Steve any different from him? yet, he still got made fun of because instead of playing with his blocks, or building a tower, he chose to line them up, or make a circle with them. Bucky felt himself start to spiral, and the only thoughts in his head were "Steve""i love you""don't hate me".

they repeated over and over again. taunting him, begging him to confess, to make a fool out of himself, even though he has distinct memories of the two of them finding a young, gay, couple being tormented by an older man, and despite all the energy Bucky was exerting while beating the literal shit out of this oversized bully, the most prominent image in his head is Steve throwing the first punch, and then Steve asking the couple if they were okay.

instead of rationalizing with himself, his focus shifted suddenly to the buzzing in his ears. the pain in his chest. the black spots in his vision. the last thing he saw before he squeezed his eyes shut was Steve standing up and grasping his shoulders.

"Buck-" he heard. "Buck wha-"

"you sho-" Bucky wheezed, trying to pull in air to stop this horrid pain in his chest. "you should be laying down."

Bucky didn't hear Steve's response, the buzzing turning to ringing, and drowning out any and all noises other than the high pitched ring.

he reopened his eyes when he felt something warm and soft pressed against his forehead. his breath hitched when he saw bright pink, plump lips inches away from his own. his eyes zeroed in on the movement that they were making, before realizing Steve was speaking to him.

the ringing dimmed slightly, and other sounds were finally allowed inside his mind, and he quickly realized that the sensation was Steve's forehead pressed against his own, and why Steve was doing it.

Bucky was having an attack, and Steve was trying to calm him down, just like he always did. a lump formed in his throat and tears welled in his eyes as he felt Steve wrap his arms around him as the pain in his chest retreated slightly, and it became easier to breathe. his breath hitched as he came out from the attack, and tried not to collapse into Steve's arm like he used to. Steve, thinking like a Captain (always one step ahead), strengthened his hold on Bucky, and walked them back towards the bed.

Steve sat down, and brushed a stray hair away from Bucky's face, Bucky focused his eyes on Steve and sniffled seeing the soft and loving look Steve was giving him.

"it's okay," Steve whispered. "it's okay, baby." he said, and Bucky felt himself crumple. Steve wasted no time in scooping him up into his lap, and letting him nuzzle his head into his neck and cry out his pain.

he cried. he cried and cried, feeling 70 years of anguish pour out from his body as he was finally allowed to have emotions and express them. his hands fisted in Steve's hospital gown, curling up as he felt the pleasant warmth radiating from the thin material.

a few minutes later, his tears finally stopped, and he was then fighting to keep his eyes open. it wasn't that he didn't want to look at Steve, it was that he was just so comfortable. he was warm, he felt content for the first time in years, and he felt as if he could fall asleep right there.

"Buck?" Steve asked again, startling the half asleep soldier on his lap. "can you look at me?" he asked, but Bucky shook his head with a childish whine. he tensed once he realized the noise he made, but was pleasantly surprised when nothing happened.

Steve moved past the whine as if it didn't happen. his left hand started to cradle the back of Bucky's head, and his right began rubbing up and down.

"okay," Steve said. "it's okay, you don't have to look at me, but I don't want you to feel ashamed for crying or any-" he said before Bucky cut him off.

"'m jus' comfy." Bucky said sleepily, and Steve chuckled. he felt his right hand leave his back, reaching to grab something before relaxing back.

"okay, bud." Steve said. Bucky sniffled, before he felt a straw poking at his mouth. Bucky cracked his eyes open and accepted the straw, sucking down the ice cold water. he sighed in relief after, and went to stand up as Steve set the water cup down, but was stopped as Steve wrapped both arms around him, and the two of them laid back against the hospital bed.

Bucky whimpered, and snuggled closer. Steve chuckled, and Bucky listened to it reverberate through his chest. "missed you," Bucky said, keeping his words short, feeling the emotions build again.

"i missed you too, Buck. every day." he said, his thumb swiping over Bucky's swollen upper cheek.

"i'm sorry," Bucky said, the guilt returning. "i'm sorry i hurt you, i didn't want to, i-"

"shhh, it's okay. i know you didn't mean to." he assured. "nothing that happened was your fault."

Bucky just nodded, unsure what to say to that. while he knew those words were true, it didn't feel like it. they felt fake, like an attempt at cheering him up. he knew they were the truth, so why couldn't he bring himself to believe them?

Bucky didn't know what to say after that, so he said nothing. he kept quiet, even when Nat and Sam came in. when Maria came in, and told them that Bucky could go with Steve, that her and someone named Fury would take care of getting him a pardon. with a name like Fury, Bucky certainly wasn't going to refuse the offer, not that he would anyways. going home with his Stevie, even though he didn't know where 'home' was, was certainly better than being alone in a cold dark cell.

he cuddled in closer to Steve, and listened to him discuss his living situation with Sam and Nat.

"my apartment's not safe," Steve said.

"it's just a window," Sam said, "we could get it fixed."

"no, it's not that, Sam." Nat said. "Bucky was there, the night Fury faked his death. if Bucky was there, then Rumlow and one of his other handlers was definitely there as well. it's not safe to send them back there, especially when we just brought down HYDRA and Shield."

"he had handlers?" Sam asked, and Bucky involuntarily shivered, thinking of Rumlow and Rollins.

"yeah," Nat said. "don't forget, i knew him when i was still in the Red Room. the handlers changed over time, but he always had 2 handlers with him. if you look at it from their perspective, it makes sense. even as the soldier, he didn't want to be there. they couldn't send him out on missions alone."

"yeah, makes sense." Sam said, with a sigh.

"where are we going to go then?" Steve asked, his hand still rubbing Bucky's back.

"i'll call Stark, see if that offer for a place in that fancy new compound still stands," Nat said, and he heard her stand up, and exit the room, likely to call Stark.

Stark...

that name sounded familiar to Bucky. he just didn't know why it felt so familiar. the thought remained on his mind until he drifted to sleep in Steve's arms, comforted by the sound of his steady, healthy heartbeat.

longing

december. night time. long winding road.

rusted

the roar of a machine underneath the asset. 'look down,' the voice says. it complies. leather seats. the roar. motorcycle.

seventeen

white car. wooden pole. security camera.

daybreak

the asset pulls up beside the car. punches through the window. the car veers off the road, and into the pole.

furnace

target one crawling on the gravel, blood dripping.

nine

'Sergeant Barnes?' the target says. a name. it's name? no time to ponder. target two is crying for target one.

two punches for target one. squeeze of a throat for target two.

benign

hand. gun. security camera. point, shoot.

homecoming

the camera is destroyed.

one

metal case with familiar blue liquid.

freight car

mission complete.

well done, soldat.

Bucky jolts awake. Stark. Howard Stark. he sits up. his head falls into his hands.

he killed Howard Stark.

'but,' he thinks. 'if Howard is dead, who is the Stark that they were talking about?'

his question answers itself when he opens his eyes, and sees and unfamiliar room. he looks beside him, and see's Steve sitting up to comfort him.

"w-" Bucky begins, but Steve finishes.

"we're at Tony's compound." he said.

Tony.

Howard's son.

"are we-" Bucky asked, and Steve nodded.

"we're safe, bud." Steve assured, pulling Bucky close to his chest. "we're safe."

Bucky forgets about the dream by the next time he wakes.

he wakes up before Steve this time, and he just stares. he's pretty. so, so pretty. he suddenly wishes that he had paper and a pencil, so he could draw Steve. he was no art prodigy like Steve, but being in art school when he was younger certainly left him with some drawing ability.

he lifted his flesh hand, and traced it tentatively over his jaw. over his chin, around his lips. a chuckle startled him, disturbing his quiet admiration.

"i can feel that, you know." Steve said, opening his eyes, a smile cracking on his lips.

Bucky gulped. he could back out now, ignore it, pretend he's sleeping.

but he doesn't want to.

he can love whoever he wants now. he can love Steve openly, and without fear of being caught. and that was exactly what he was going to do.

"you're just so pretty, Stevie." he whispered. "wish i had a pencil and paper so i could draw you."

Steve smiled up at him. "i could grab you one. i'm sure i have a spare one somewhere."

"nah," Bucky said, shaking his head. "wouldn't do your beauty justice."

a light red tinge appeared on Steve's cheeks, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Bucky's thumb had a mind of its own, and rubbed over Steve's plump, pink, bottom lip. his eyes flicked up to meet Steve's, and unlike when kissing a girl, he felt no nerves. no uncertainty.

he felt safe, loved, comfortable. he felt at home. tears rimmed his eyes as he looked at the man he loved. the man who was once smaller than him. the man who he wanted to marry. to have kids with, to spend the rest of his days with.

the man who had only ever made him feel safe. the man who risked everything to save him, more than once. the man he'd been dying to kiss since he knew what kissing, and love was. since he'd realized he'd only ever felt it for Steve.

"'m gonna kiss you now," he whispered, his head dipping slightly. "is that okay?" he asked, not wanting Steve to feel uncomfortable, despite the hardness pressing against his hip which proved that Steve was far from uncomfortable.

"yeah," Steve rasped. he swallowed, his heart rate speeding up. "yeah, that's okay."

their lips touched for the first time, and Bucky felt as if he'd been born again.

[i-drink-and-i-write-fics]

Just A Moment In Time

Chapter 3: Fatherhood

Summary: You and Everett talk about what he discovered.

Notes: A piece of this was inspired between a convo @tallulahchanel​ and I had.

Also, this will be the last chapter. It was meant to just be a short epilogue kind of fic for Agent or Princess. Thanks for reading!

You can’t remember the last time you slept so well. Maybe you and Everett should move to Wakanda until the baby was born. Would make it easier for you. But then there was your job aspect. Though, you would instantly be pulled from field duty once it was known you were pregnant for the safety of you and your baby. 

A pair of arms pulled you close and you couldn’t help the smile on your face. Today you would work out a way to tell Everett the news. You knew that Nakia and Shuri were right and that Everett would love the idea of being a dad, but that didn’t stop you from being nervous.

You sighed as you felt Everett pull you closer, his breath now tickling your ear. “So, do you have any names picked out or should we ask your cousins for ideas?”

It took a full minute for what he said to process. The lack of caffeine from being pregnant was taking its toll. Wait, did he ask you about names? As in, baby names?! You turned and propped yourself up on one arm to look down at him. He had a smile on his face and you can’t remember the last time he looked so relaxed.

“How did you find out?”

“The kimoyo bead that was left by the bed.” He reached up and stroked your cheek. “I thought it was instructions to care for you since they told me you were sick.”

“Of course,” you sighed as you collapsed back onto the bed. “Shuri should have known better.”

Everett chuckled as he leaned over to kiss you. “It’s not her fault. I was worried and jumped to conclusions.”

“You’re so predictable,” you murmured against his lips. “She should have known better.”

He moved his hand from your face, moving it down your body. You smiled at the touch and opened your eyes when it rested on your stomach. “I can’t wait until we can feel them kick. They’ll be a fighter, like their mom.”

“And if they have their father’s sass?”

Everett chuckled. “Then we’re in trouble.”

You pulled Everett close and celebrated the news of becoming parents before finally getting dressed and heading down to meet your family. Nakia had left you a beautiful dress that was designed to leave room for a growing belly. It was woven of beautiful, bright colors and you couldn’t help a playful spin down the hall. 

Everett chuckled, “how you glow with happiness.”

“It’s so good to be among family again. I’m looking forward to raising our child with such diverse backgrounds.”

Everett rolled his eyes. “Yes. You, with your royal heritage from a high-advanced country. And her father, with his boring colonizer background.”

You giggled. “But a handsome colonizer.”

He was about to remark when three small children ran by at top speed. Their exhausted father was on their heels.

Everett looked after them, his steps slowing until he stopped and looked at you. 

“What’s wrong, my love?”

“I-,” he cleared his throat. “Are you sure you want to start a family with me?”

You raised your eyebrows at this. “This is a hell of a time to ask that question. With your child in me and all.”

“I know, I know.” He ran a hand over his face. “But…what if I’m too old to be a dad? I’m at least older than you by-”

You placed a hand over his mouth. “We’re not talking about that. And don’t act like I’m fresh from college. I’m not a child. I was a marine, a CIA agent, and now a SHIELD operative. And yes, I may not be fifty like you, but I’m old enough to know both who and what I want.”

He didn’t look convinced so you smirked at him.

“What? All those times Thunderbolt made you do extra laps at Langley should have prepared you for chasing down toddlers.”

“Ha ha,” he rolled his eyes but pulled you close for a kiss. “As long as one of us is sure.”

“You will be, too. Once you hold that child.”

Everett smiled brightly that time and let you lead him around the palace. Now that the secret was out, you didn’t hide the fact that your free hand now cradled your stomach. There was no rush today, finally accepting that you both were on vacation finally. No pressure to keep a phone around, no paperwork to complete, and no bosses to answer. 

Just family.

You joined Nakia and Shuri for lunch, poked gentle fun at T’Challa for working so hard, and tossed around name ideas with Queen Ramonda. Shuri made not-so-subtle comments about you and Everett moving to Wakanda until the baby was born and Nakia did nothing to dissuade her. 

“We still have our lives back in America,” Everett laughed.

“Those jobs don’t count as lives,” Shuri dismissed.

You shook your head. “My doctor is back in America.”

“And what do you think I am?”

“My cousin,” you laughed.

“America’s health care is in shambles.”

“I can’t argue that.”

“Hey!” Everett tried to protest.

“Hon, look me in the eye and tell me I’m lying. Especially, the V.A.”

Everett opened his mouth and then quickly closed it. “Damn.”

“Yes!” Shuri exclaimed.

“That doesn’t mean we’re moving here,” you laughed again.

“Yes, it does!”

“Listen, Everett and I will discuss many things regarding this child. Just because-”

T’Challa waved his hand. “While I respect what you need, dear cousin, please note you will not win against Shuri. So please be prepared to be aggressively packed up when you get home.”

You and Everett blinked before you shook your head. “Now I want to say no on principle.”

Shuri pretended to be offended. “How can you say no to us, just like that?”

“Who’s ‘us’? Sounds like it’s just you,” Everett smirked.

Everyone at the table laughed and picked a side of the debate, going well into the afternoon. 

Eventually, Everett lead you away from everyone and you found yourself outside the palace, walking through the jungle. He gently held your hand and you breathed in the floral-scented air. There was only the sound of wind blowing through the leaves, the rustle of animals jumping from tree to tree, and your footsteps. 

Soon, you found yourself at a lake not far from the palace. The sun had begun to set and that’s when you realized how long you had spent with your family around the table and how long the hike had to have been. Yet, you felt energized. As if you could do everything all over again. You knew it wouldn’t last and soon the baby would want your energy, but for now, it was amazing.

Everett, still holding your hand, helped you to sit on the lakeshore. But he opted to crouch in front of you.

“You know, Shuri had a point. Who better to take care of you and the baby?”

You raised an eyebrow at this. “Are you saying we should move to Wakanda? What about our jobs?”

“We can find work here. I don’t have any family back in the states other than an ex-wife and your family is here. It makes sense for our child to grow up with a community that will protect them.”

“You’re really willing to give up all that time and effort you put into the CIA?”

Everett sighed, “I didn’t want to mention it before, but my ex is now the director.”

You made a face. “And I thought working around Stark was rough. Are you sure?”

“If it makes you happy and makes you and the baby safe, I can’t think of why not.”

“I want you to be happy, as well.”

He took your hand and kissed your fingertips. “I have you and we have a child coming. There is only one thing that could make me happier.”

“Your ex bursting into flames?”

Everett busted out laughing. “Be careful. Shuri might hear you and get ideas. But I was thinking, we should make things official. Here in Wakanda.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a beautiful box. Inside, was a ring you could tell was designed by Shuri.

“What do you say? Want to make the happiest man alive?”

Your hands flew to your mouth, shock in your eyes. “Oh Everett, of course!”

Grabbing his face, you gave him a fierce kiss. He pulled away long enough to slip the ring on. 

“Tonight, let’s relax. In the morning, we can figure everything else out.”

You smiled. “I have you and I have my family. Nothing else needs to be figured out.”

Tagging Crew

Everyone

@itsafansworld07​

@that-chick212​

@keetnerj01​

@liadamerondjarin​

Everett Ross

@dversstark​

@tallulahchanel​

[logicheartsoul]

Getting to know you Tumblr game

Copy prompts and tag nine people you’d like to get to know better

Wow, I got a lot of people tagging me! This is a first lol I was tagged by: @bisamwilson @sambambucky @writerkenna @samcky​ 

But now to the answers which I guess y'all are dying to read

favorite color: I had this convo the other day with Tiana (@redwingsupportgroup​) but basically asking me to choose a favorite color is too hard so I just go with rainbow (coz it has all colors at once lmao)

currently reading: Sadly, I have a huge backlog of books I need to read and the last few days I have either been too tired or too busy to read any fics. Might change tonight. (I don't think checking out this piracy guide would count as "currently reading" lol)

last song: Ride It by Jay Sean, which only is coz I was reminded of it earlier today and then I shared the song and the thought it inspired to @saryasy​ lol (It was a fic idea)

last series: Finished watching the last ep of season 3 of Never Have I Ever yesterday, though I did watch the latest Last Week Tonight with John Oliver a few hours ago (if that counts as part of a series)

last movie: If you don't include the Hallmark movie my mom had in the background earlier today, then Easter Sunday

sweet/savory/spicy: Depends on my mood, though usually I hover more between savory or sweet

currently working on: If you don't count my exceedingly large collection of written WIPs, nothing really though I also have a few gif sets as well -- the most current of that being cap sam from Avengers: Quantum Encounter. I did technically finish 1 tumblr header of cap sam but I want to make more variations but I can show y'all that too

screenshots of the gifset:

The header:

And a couple of random edits I made in the last week and a half but never really posted:

As for who I’m tagging, I suck at picking who to choose for these things, so whoever reads this and wants to do it, feel free

[starryseth]

It's been a minute since I posted something so here's some cute head cannons for my favorite DSMP boys <3

Jschlatt

Okay so Jschlatt is 100000% a secret romance kinda guy. He loves the mystery and gets a thrill out of keeping a secret. He may seem like an open kinda person but when it comes to his s/o he likes to keep it private. That's probably why his fans and friends didn't know he had a partner until they got married

He used to be on a community baseball team and each game he would give you his hat to wear because he believed that you were his good luck charm. So when you were sick for the big game, he quit because he wouldn't have any luck and he would feel like the reason they lost.

He finds it adorable when he ends a late night stream and he crawls to the bedroom and finds you cuddled with Jambo.

He can't say no to you. Like at all. So when you ask to do his hair and makeup he agrees. He loved the way you looked so happy with your work and he wouldn't mind letting you do it again just to see you have a sense of accomplishment. Don't ask him about it though. He'll deny it.

Sapnap

Sapnap loveesssss to show you off. Like legit. In the group chat with the rest of the boys sap is constantly talking about you. They are tired of it

I believe he is a Pyro. Like anything and everything to do with fire and he's in so you constantly have to keep an eye on him. Granted he is very safe with fire but still. (Don't play with fire it's very dangerous)

He is actually very neat and organized. He has all of his and your clothes arranged in order of colors. In rainbow order of course. He also has the same hoodie in several different colors.

He gets frustrated easily so he is constantly doing things that he likes. One of those things is coloring. H loves to sit down with you and just be a kid again. You guys have a drawer in your room filled with kids coloring books and coloring supplies.

Karl

Karl loves when you play with his hair. Original I know. But it just makes him melt when you start to braid his hair or just testing new hair styles on him.

I believe that he loves being your Guinea pig for new recipes that you make if you like to cook. Anything you make for him is made from love. He genuinely almost cried when he was sick and he tried some of the soup you made and it tasted just like the soup his mom made him when he was younger

He lives to be around people. All day everyday it is energy but during the peaceful moments you guys go out and play mini golf or go to cafes to try new things. He loves your little adventures.

Karl adores playing games with you. His two loves in life are you and video games. He had you help him out with the tales of the SMP so it would be fun. It was actually inspired by a stupid convo you guys had over a dinner date.

Wilbur

Wilbur will absolutely sing you to sleep. Personally I have nightmares and I can certainly see him just being like "oh love, it's alright. Come here and just close your eyes." And he just hums and sings everything he lives about you while you fall back asleep

Every gig he doesn't with the band he has you in the front row or off to the side of the stage so when the band needs water, you can give it to them. Everyone loves you from the band and appreciates your company.

Tommy is like Wilburs younger brother. Everyone knows this. You are like the peace keeper between the two. They often squabble and when they do you grab one ear of each and make them apologize. They immediately do because they know if they don't they'll be put in the get along shirt.

Wilbur can be kinda insecure. He doesn't believe that he can be good enough for you so on those days you baby him. He taught you to play guitar so you sing to him. Even if you may not sound the best while singing, he enjoys the love that you both have.

Charlie

During days when he's doing chuckle sandwich he makes non stop dad jokes. Like it's bad. It's like it's his ritual to get ready. Like take his little book of jokes away from him.

He is a giant goofball all the time. He loves making people laugh and enjoys seeing you smile along at his dumb attempt of making a new language called "slimenican"

When he was doing gen loss you thought his slime monster character was just an evil version of his Minecraft character and picked on him for it. He didn't understand what you meant until he saw the first episode and then it clicked.

[eclectic8odies]

ITEMS SHOWN ARE NOT FOR SALE AT THIS MOMENT

Hey all you lovely creatures! This page looks familiar? Last year I launched my online store E C L E C T I C 8ODIES while still in NYC. I made a decision to put that on hold until I was ready to resume. Now that I am, welcome to E C L E C T I C 8ODIES. This is a space for lovers of Preloved and Vintage pieces from clothing and accessories to home goods. I loooove clothes with a passion. I get so inspired when I see pieces that I can place together and create an interesting convo. But it's Preloved Fashion that really has my heart. Growing up I had the privilege to shop at various stores, but nothing thrilled me like exploring a thrift shop with my grandma or begging my mom to stop at a yard sale. As I got older I realized how Preloved fashion and home goods goes hand and hand with sustainability. Made me love the way I shop and dress even more. I think the body is one of the most beautiful canvases. ALL BODIES. I want to be a part of others discovering gems to adorn theirs with. Doesn't matter what the tag says or what your gender, sexuality, or age is. If you wanna rock a piece, rock it! Also will be Vegan friendly to the best of my knowledge. No silk, wool, leather, suede, feathers, down, bones, animal skin, or animal shells of any kind will be sold on here. Items for sale will be posted before the end of this month, but until then annnnd afterwards, enjoy some looks from me.

Photo description - Black Ladies of Disco and Classic R&B are beautifully displayed on the wall. In front, is a Melanated creature (me) surrounded by her plant children. She's wearing a Vintage Crepe Pink Tulle Skirt, a Multicolored Striped Tie Front Crop Top, a Watermelon Pink Costume Cowperson Hat, and a Red Orange Cotton Ribbon Belt as a neckpiece. All of these pieces were preloved and are now being loved by yours truly.

Stay updated on here, on Instagram at instagram.com/eclectic8odies, on Twitter at twitter.com/ECLECTIC8ODIES, and Facebook at facebook.com/Eclectic8odies

[growthpeacelove]

Saturday spent hiking after brunch

today I went hiking. I really enjoyed it. I have so many great updates

Got a 3rd interview! If I do well and then a role play and then inshAllah I get the job

I had dinner at a restaurant and had hookah and watched a funny comedy

I gave myself a break Thursday after I stayed up for too long

I also got my new computer set up! I feel inspired to write and just want to keep trying in the job market

Did really well on my second interview and I have all the notes and questions and I’m so happy I still got it!

Used the standup comedy aspect!!!! I hope this continues to bring me more and more job opportunities

I’ve made lots of progress on my puzzle!!!

Tomorrow I have a convo w a friend about investing in the stock market!

I really enjoyed having brunch and getting to know more about my person and just having a wonderful walk and I hit my exercise goals!

Bought another fit from my mom and I feel so beautiful

Feeling a lot more confident in general

Withdrawl has been going well!

[cardiac-agreste]

Fic prompt

Inspired by "Motorcycle Driveby" by Third Eye Blind, plus a convo I had a Reddit.

One-shot from Luka's POV right after the breakup, he's riding around Paris trying to recover from how it ended. He waited so long for Marinette to come around to him over Adrien, he always knew she only picked him because she was afraid of confessing to Adrien and he was the easy alternative, and now he's been humiliated because everyone knew the truth about who she loved.

His father ran out on him when he was an infant, and no one besides his mom has ever made him feel loved before. He needs to grow some self respect; how fucked up is he bc of Jagged that he just sits around waiting for a girl to give him a little affection?

Y'all, this song from the 1990s is exactly about the demise of their relationship. Sample lyrics:

That's when I knew I could never have you I knew that before you did Still I'm the one who's stupid And there's this burning Like there's always been I've never been so alone And I've never been so alive

and

Careening through the universe Your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free I hope you take a piece of me with you And there's things I would like to do That you don't believe in I would like to build something But you never see it happen

and

I go home to the coast It starts to rain I paddle out on the water alone Taste the salt and taste the pain I'm not thinking of you again Summer dies and swells rise The sun goes down in my eyes See this rolling wave Darkly coming to take me home And I've never been so alone And I've never been so alive

Music video for you Gen Z babbies out there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6FuLs9uKJA