#is it because of last life? i legitimately have no clue

[vlaadlena]

still dunno why is ethubs divorce duo and at this point im too afraid to ask

[crusty-chronicles]

Airheaded S/O Headcannons #13: Gaara (Naruto)

Legitimately hates you when you first meet

Which to be fair, he kinda hated everyone during the Chuunin Exams

But something about you amplified that hatred

Maybe it was the fact you always had a dopey smile on your face

Maybe it was how you won your match against the sound ninja by stumbling around (literally tripping or looking around last second so their attack barley missed you)

Or maybe, just maybe it was because you were so nice to him.

Didn't you have a clue what he was?

What he was capable of?

All the horrible things he was planning on doing to one of your peers? (That Uchiha kid really did get on his nerves.)

It was truly disgusting, that smile of yours filled with so much warmth.

Then you'd volunteered to be his opponent when Sasuke was late. Your own opponent he'd killed the night before.

"Why don't we fight each other since the people we're supposed to fight are missing? It's better than sitting here and doing nothing."

And it was the audacity of you to address him so formally that made him agree.

He was going to enjoy defeating you. Finally shut you up once and for all.

But when the fight started, something about your demeanor changed.

It was more focused, your chakra somehow stronger.

There was no longer a fool in front of him.

And when the match started, he once again found himself on the offense.

Sand barely able to protect him against your speed. It was like he was fighting Rock Lee all over again

And that made him mad.

So mad that he became more aggressive with his attacks.

You now the one being pushed back.

It would have been evenly matched. Key word: would've.

But like the fool you were, you mis-stepped and took a direct hit from his sand.

The granules wrapping around you and preparing to crush you into nothing.

But before he could put you down for good, you extended your arm out.

"I surrender." And that bright smile was back.

"That was a good match. It truly was an honor to fight you, Gaara."

He stopped his attack immediately out of sheer confusion.

You were the enemy.

He was supposed to help destroy your village

Yet here you were treating him like he was more than that.

Like he wasn't just a monster.

You called fighting him an 'honor'. Something you enjoyed rather than being a nuisance like he thought.

What was wrong with you

Gaara thought a lot about that day.

How he almost destroyed the Leaf

How Naruto had completely changed his perspective on life.

But more often than not, he thought about you.

And when he finally got to see you again during Rock Lee's battle with Kimimaro, the first thing he did was apologize.

"It's a pleasure to be meeting you again. I'd like to apologize for my behavior during the Chuunin Exams, especially towards you."

The way your face lit up had his own reddening.

"Thank you! And it's nice to see you're doing better."

He realizes he's actually grown fond of your dopey smile.

Because of Gaara's soft spot for you, you're constantly doing runs for the Hokage to the Sand Village

It's mostly to keep relations peaceful between the villages, Gaara being the new Kazekage and all.

But you don't have a clue. You just think you get a free trip to see your friend 🥺🥺🥺

It's during your time there that Gaara really notices your lack of brain.

No, you can't put a smiley face as a signature on important documents.

Please stop jumping from tall heights so his sand will catch you. He can only control it so much.

You cannot be lost at a time like this. You were just behind him five minutes ago????

He practically follows you around like a lost puppy so you don't get hurt.

That means being your personal escort between villages.

Even though he knows you're more than capable of protecting yourself.

He just can't risk something happening to you.

You're too precious. (Being one of his first friends alongside Naruto.)

After confiding in Kankuro once, it's then he's told all warmth he feels from being near you is love.

Something he never thought he'd ever experience.

Something he was told he never deserved.

And he figures you must like him too with how adamant you are to stay by his side, right?

Maybe not

He doesn't exactly know how these things work.

Courting you is a process he is extremely unfamiliar with.

Tries to ask for help from his siblings

Kankuro suggests buying you gifts and 'flirting'

Tamari suggests he just outright tell you his feelings.

Both prove to be a trial-and-error process.

You're thankful for the little things he gives you, but your face doesn't redden as his does with you.

He tells you he likes your eyes only for it to turn back to him when you tell him he has a kind heart.

How is he to top that?

Tries Tamari's method and just feels more defeated.

"I enjoy the time you spend here with me."

"I like being here with you two 😃"

"I should rephrase. I like you."

"Me too. I'm so glad we're friends!"

He decides to go about it his own way and maybe, just maybe you'll return his feelings.

"Do you remember how I was back then?" He asked as the both of you sat atop a building. The sun just beginning to set.

"Yup. You were a little mean at the Chuunin Exams. I thought you were gonna kill me for a second."

And that makes him panic for a second because if you thought that back then, there was no way you'd return his feelings. But he pushed on. No use going back now.

"There's a reason for that. When I was a child, I was told I was undeserving of love. That I was brought into this world hated. My only purpose was to live for myself, everybody else wanted me to die."

He was stunned when you placed your hand on his.

"You are deserving of love and happiness. I love you, you know?"

He was not expecting this turn of events. He planned of finishing his rant with 'Now I have plenty to live for. You are one of those reasons.'

Not for you to outright say you loved him

It was so unexpected that he didn't realize he started crying until you fussed over him.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!!! Please don't be sad!!!"

And he has to reassure you they're tears of happiness. That right now he was the most content he's ever been.

Because of your smooth brain, you ask him how he can be happy when he's crying.

He ends up pulling you into a kiss and that's where the dots connect for you.

Gaara has the biggest soft spot for you. It only makes sense that everything he calls you is with all the love he has.

Love, sweetheart, honey, dear, precious, my heart.

Not ashamed to call you all those things in public like some of the other candidates in this series.

Surprisingly, Gaara doesn't get jealous. He's very secure in his ability to make you happy and about your feelings for him. He doesn't doubt that for a second.

However, if you're gone too long on a mission, he might get a little insecure. The feeling is quickly gone as soon as you get back.

He is completely enamored with you and your heart. Your empty head is a quirk he's also learned to enjoy.

MASTERLIST

An: The final chapter to our main Airhead Stronk S/O series. That doesn't mean the series is officially over!!!! I'll be doing bonus chapters via requests or characters I think deserve love. They're probably gonna take a while tho so I can focus on finishing my Moon and Sun series. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT

[therealvinelle]

From what I can tell, in the actual books there's just one line from Sirius saying Alphard left him some gold, and not much other canon mention of him. How did Alphard become such a big character in your fics/Tom Riddle's love interest?

You know, that's a very good question.

The true and full story behind how Alphard Black became an important character in our fics is laden with a lot of spoilers and back-and-forth, though I will say it wouldn't have happened at all if @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin hadn't already used him in When Harry Met Tom. When we later then needed to add a character for The Man Who Would Be King, Alphard's name lent itself easily and on discussion we found he was the only that really fit the role we needed a character to play. He went on to become a surprisingly large part of secret fic, now we've imprinted on him like baby ducks and he's in everything.

So, what makes Alphard Black so fitting for what we need him to be?

We have little to go on from canon, but compared to some of the other characters fandom has decided on characterisation for, we at least have something to go on when we make stuff up. Oh, we have to conjecture, fabricate, and headcanon away, and for every possible Alphard Black we draft up someone could have used those same clues to create a different Alphard, but we would both be following certain constraints.

By contrast, characters like Alice Longbottom or Abraxas Malfoy have very strong fanon characterizations, a lot read into them, but I'd argue we have just as much, if not slightly more, to go on with Alphard Black.

With that said, here is the information we have on Alphard and how Muffin and I used every bit of it to make up as much as we could.

Teen pregnancy 1.0: Pollux edition

Alphard's sister was born when their father Pollux Black was twelve, and his father married her mother. Going by his young age, I assume this was so Walburga wouldn't be a bastard. Walburga, by her painting's ravings, appears to have spent all her life in 13 Grimmauld Place, she feels a connection to "the house of my fathers" and always had a strong sense of Black identity she tried to pass on to her sons: I think it's a very fair assumption that the Blacks raised the baby, and not her mother's family (as her mother would have been in Hogwarts as well or else a statutory rapist, either case spells a grim homelife for Walburga).

Now, Alphard's birthdate is unknown since he's struck off the family tree, but it was sometime between 1925 and 1938.

Muffin and I have decided that he was born the next year, since this gives Tom a dorm mate, and more importantly it gives Alphard a teen father, one who learned nothing from last year and assumed no responsibility. Tom now has a fucked up dorm mate, and we didn't have to (completely) invent a character.

You now have two kids raised by family members not their parents since their father is a literal thirteen-year-old, and the generational age gap is so narrow that when Walburga starts school her paternal aunt Dorea is canonically a fifth year. They want for nothing materially and the family does step up, but the complete parental absence in their life has an impact.

For the sake of funny, we thought Arcturus Black, who is already raising Lucretia and Orion, is our candidate for raising his cousin's spawn. Now Walburga's marriage to her second cousin is to someone who was raised alongside her, which is funny and so awful. Another feasible candidate is Cygnus Black, Pollux's father and currently raising four kids, but... not as funny.

Teen pregnancy 2.0: Cygnus edition

Cut to 1951. Alphard is a happy bachelor, his father has stopped having kids (legitimate ones anyhow), Walburga's happily married to their cousin, and then... their brother Cygnus does a booboo.

Bellatrix is born, Cygnus is thirteen. Andromeda's birthdate is unknown, but must have been while he was in Hogwarts because Narcissa is born in 1955, while he is still seventeen.

The same problem as with Pollux arises with Bellatrix: who wants baby? And, as with Walburga, I think a fair argument could be made that the Blacks took her in, not the Rosiers.

There are many options here (and can't rule out the Rosiers), but I think it's fair to assume Bellatrix went to live with close family.

Per the Black family, this gives us three options that I find feasible: Walburga, Alphard, and Pollux.

I don't think it was Walburga, I think that would inevitably have come up in canon, either as Walburga lost her shit when Andromeda eloped, handled her grief differently after Regulus died if she had surrogate daughters, or Sirius had a different dynamic with Bellatrix. The Orion-Walburga-Sirius-Regulus family unit doesn't come across at all as having had three nieces raised alongside the boys, so Walburga's a no.

Which leaves us with Alphard, Pollux, someone in the Rosier family, or extended Black family raising Bellatrix.

Pollux, per his wild youth, might not be topping the lists. One could posit that Pollux wants a second shot at parenting and would take in his granddaughter based on this, but he already has Cygnus if he wanted a second shot at parenting. Still, he's a candidate.

So is Alphard, however, who is living alone and has no wife to worry about, no children of his own, and a pile of gold. Per his choice to give Sirius gold after he ran away, one can also assume he's one to come through for family, which fits with taking in his much younger brother's daughter.

TL;DR: we can't prove Alphard Black didn't raise the Black sisters, or at least care for them in their early years, but someone must have and it might as well have been him.

Let there be no pregnancies and no marriages

We then enter the bit that had Muffin go "oh, gay. I will use him in my fic" long before any of the detective nonsense to come up with the above, which is that Alphard did not marry. Now, that could mean anything, perfectly straight people don't marry and gay people do marry.

However, from 1938 through 1960, no Black heirs are born. Which isn't necessarily a long time, on the contrary, Cygnus has been supplying the family with children for years now, luck just had it so they're all daughters who can't pass on the family name.

Still, taking a step back, Orion, Walburga, Alphard, and Lucretia (who married a Prewett) are all adults who are just not having any children. The Orion and Walburga are perhaps not even married, we don't know when they married, and it could be they married specifically because neither of them had found anyone else to marry and there were no sons. Alternatively, they married earlier but then did not have children until they were in their mid-thirties. Considering Lucretia's childless marriage, it might be some Blacks struggled with infertility.

A bit of nerding about why I think Walburga waiting so long to have children is odd

The tldr for Western European demographics is that if you can afford to have children and provide for your family, you will marry and have children early. The upper classes have historically married and had children much younger than the lower classes because of this. The mother's education will also impact when she has children - higher education means having children later.

I think we see this reflected in the wizarding world, in that education is both low (arguably nonexistent, considering the curriculum at Hogwarts) and in magic making material considerations Muggles must make obsolete. And we do see a lot of young parents - Lily and James are both 20 when they have Harry, Andromeda is maximum 24 when she has Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley is 20 when she has Bill, Narcissa is 25 when she has Draco, Fleur would have been 23-25 when she had Victoire, Harry and Ginny are 26 and 25 when they have James Sirius, Hermione and Ron are 26-27 when they have Rose...

Young is the norm.

And with the Blacks, who were lineage obsessed, and where Walburga is never reported to have had a career keeping her busy, I find it very interesting that Walburga doesn't have children until she's 35.

There are three possible explanations I can see:

Walburga and Orion didn't want to have children, and waited for Alphard or Cygnus to get on with it, only for Cygnus to only have daughters and Alphard to have no children at all (bit unlikely since they had two sons, a couple who pointedly did not want children would have called it quits after the first)

They had fertility issues

Walburga and Orion did not instantly marry, but waited for years until it became clear Orion wasn't going to find anybody else, Alphard apparently not either, and Cygnus said "fuck you all, I've contributed three kids already", at which point Walburga and Orion were both single, both cared about the lineage, and went for it.

We've gone for option 2 since it's just funnier to have a pair of cousins all over each other at Hogwarts, "Aren't they-" "Yes and they're very happy together :)", but I think option 3 is pretty feasible too.

Either way, you can read into Walburga and Orion from the late births of their children and you also get free Alphard characterisation, because his choice not to marry starts to look rather pointed.

Back to Alphard

While the Blacks were not dying out at the time, they also weren't swimming in children. Only Cygnus was passing on the family name, and that was exclusively to daughters, and he went on to have no more (legitimate) children after leaving school. Pollux wasn't having any more (legitimate) children, and while there are and grandfathers uncles on the family tree who could do the deed they were quite old, many unmarried, and most importantly they canonically had no children.

We're down to Alphard, Orion, and Cygnus having to pass on the family name, with Orion and Walburga a decade into their marriage with no sons to show for it. Sure, Cygnus could have sons, but that would be placing all their dragon eggs in one dragon basket (and indeed, he had no sons).

Why doesn't Alphard marry?

The family must have brought it up, if not pressured him. Alphard not marrying in a world where arranging a match would have been the easiest thing in the world looks to me like a deliberate refusal.

The giving of the money to the Sirius

This all brings us to the one thing we know for sure that Alphard did in his life: he willed money to Sirius after he'd been disowned.

We know Alphard was not a blood traitor prior to this, or he'd have been burned off earlier.

I frankly take this to mean Alphard most likely subscribed to pureblood supremacy, or at least he did not mind it enough to do anything else to cross his family. Giving money to Sirius isn't a political act, it's an uncle providing for a family member who has suddenly lost everything.

(And, if we assume Alphard himself is gay: it's an uncle who sees his nephew run away from home to be with his best friend, and perhaps drawing a few conclusions of his own about the strength of Sirius's friendship to James. There are many ways to interpret his choice to support Sirius financially, is what I'm saying.)

It also seems a distinct overreaction to me that Walburga would burn him off the family tapestry for something like this, and... it seems very much like one angry, mourning, woman's way of hurting a brother she can no longer confront. If she had been hoping Sirius wouldn't make it out in the wild and be forced to return, then Alphard giving him money would be a betrayal of the highest order.

Walburga putting a cigarette to her wallpaper isn't the same as the entire Black family disowning Alphard posthumously, it's an act of grief and anger.

Where we make things up wholesale

I'll go ahead and assume Alphard was gay, had a good and stable but slightly fucked up family life, and got overly attached to his dorm mate Tom Riddle as a stranger to all of this who perhaps seemed above it all. I also vote he raised Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda, because it's a more interesting option than Pollux. (In case you didn't notice, Muffin and I subscribe to the Black family being as fucked up as we can reasonably make them.)

Vinelle, what was the point of this?

My point is that we may not have any canon appearances to go on with Alphard Black, but we do have dates, biographical facts, what he did with his will, a few statements from Walburga's insane painting and other characters, and a whole lot of imagination. And an obsessive tendency.

And a willingness to say "Mm, no. Can't read. Sorry, that fact's just wrong." when we don't like things (more specifically, Sirius's phrasing making it sound like Alphard died not too long after Sirius ran away from home, which would make him dead for The Man Who Would Be King, a fic that takes place in 1982. We will assume Sirius meant "gave", not "left".)

Wee.

[lol-jackles]

Is it just a side effect of being somewhat disappointed in who Jensen presents himself in recent years, or is it normal that I find Dean's sad monologues less meaningful and more over dramatic the more times I watch supernatural?

For me, many of the earlier ones hold up well, but him talking to his dad’s grave in What is and What Should Never Be just feels a bit silly now. Like, that’s not even your real dad’s s grave, dude. And the mirror scene in Regarding Dean feels a bit self-indulgent. Even him talking to Mary inside her head just seems like … too much? It’s like I can feel the show going, “Get ready for it … we’ve got a scene coming up where Dean is going to emote all over you! Cue up the one perfect man tear!" Or the whole over the top apology to Castiel in purgatory.

It could just be the natural effect of rewatching, but I often find the emotional monologues less impactful. Yet, I still enjoy watching Jared play soulless Sam, and looking at how different he is from normal Sam. Or seeing how he deteriorated during the trials era.

I guess I’m just wondering if I’m just biased now. Or if there is a more legitimate reason that Jensen’s emotional scenes loose effect on me while Jared’s characterization still fascinated me.

There’s a reason why I didn’t choose the scenes you mentioned for my "Jensen’s best acting" posts.

I suspect the main issue was the lack of organic build up so it felt slightly out of the left field. Look at the ~build up to Dean's emotional conversation to Mary in 12x22:

12x3 - Dean refuse to look at Mary when she tries to day good-bye

12x4 - Dean wonders why Mary isn't calling or texting him

12x6 - Dean wouldn't talk to Mary

12x7 - Dean is angry that Mary isn't calling or texting him

12x12 - Can't remember if Dean and Mary interacted while Sam was killing Ramiel.  

12x13 - Dean bans Mary from the bunker

12x15 - 12x20: Dean is mad that Mary isn't calling or texting him

The saving grace of Dean's speech in 12x22 was it was about how Mary's demon deal had destroyed Sam's life and her death destroyed the family. This speech was a long time coming and it need to happen, but the build up to it should have been better executed.

Dean's apology-prayer in 15x09 also didn't have an organic build up, which was why Jensen comes off as overacting.  They didn't spend any time showing why Benny was such a big deal, he wasn't even in the “Then” portion of the intro, so the general audience had no clue who this Benny is because he was last seen 7 seasons ago. Then this was supposed to be the build up to Dean's apology-prayer: 

Dean: I know you’re sorry about mom

Cas: I’m so over your dead mother. I was talking about Jack

Dean: *shocked pikachu face*

In contrast to 4x11 when Dean revealed to Sam about his time in hell and broke down into an emotional confession how after 30 years on the rack, he broke and took up torturing souls and he liked that.  That breakdown makes sense because the preceding episodes were building up to Dean’s breakdown and he earned the right to do so. 

[jalwyn21]

“Like I said, I'm just trying to be a Joe Alwyn (and The Last Kingdom) fangirl in peace. But ts is on a mission to destroy his life, his career and his reputation. And her fans are harassing Joe and Joe's fans. So, this is defensive more than anything else.”

To quote her…”I love you. (but) It’s ruining my life.” I don’t want to hate her. I loved her music for a long time. And I felt horrible for her (and Joe) when it ended. But it lasted exactly 11 days before she started pulling shit. I don’t know where it came from, but my empathy for Joe is overwhelming. I love everything he stands for, how respectful he and his family and friends were for all those years, the way people know him talk about him, the way she wrote about him, and his very English way of being. The punching down that she has been doing and will continue to do when she knows he wants to live outside the spotlight and is probably a big reason why they split makes me ILL for him.

I think we all know that she is not okay - her drinking, her moving from one man to the next, this PR created nightmare of a “relationship” she is currently in that is legitimately the opposite of everything she had with Joe, her behaviour that makes it very clear that she believes she could shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue (to quote the god awful orange man) and get away with it, that she is so incredibly online (see the jet issue using Insta comments in the lawsuit and all her time on TikTok) and knows her ex is being sent death threats and threats of physical violence every day and continues to give her fans red meat. She’s flying within meters of the sun and she doesn’t give a fuck. She’s not okay. But I’m sick that Joe has to be the one to suffer because of it.

This album was always going to be written - this was always the ending for them because it’s clear they are not compatible. But just from the timing of it, she wants the story out NOW. And that’s her right. I just don’t trust her to be thoughtful and introspective of the end and realize her role in the breakdown. The clues are everywhere on how she is going to approach it and I guess I’m just praying for Joe. I hope everybody in his life that loves him protects him wholly. He is going to need it because you are right - she is out to ruin his life, his career and his reputation.

Joe has a loving family and extremely loyal friends. He is well loved.

And, like I already said, I have NO sympathy for her. None. After what she did in 2023 and she is about to do in 2024? I hope that Karma she believes in, gets her!

If you think that she is not happy.. good! Call it poetic (pun intended) justice . 🤷‍♀️

[fire-of-the-sun]

Speculation on Lotor's Armor

It's time for more unnecessary speculation about Lotor because I miss him. Last time we addressed Lotor's appearance, we talked about what was up with his incredible hair (here), now I'd like to discuss his iconic armor, the potential history behind it and how it services his character.

Even just at first glance in his introductory scene, Lotor clearly stands apart from his fellow Galra and not just due to his features. Even before we see his face, his unique stature and attire speaks volumes about the character we're about to meet as the colors and overall style bears no resemblance to anything we see a typical Galra wear - nor anyone else for that matter - singling Lotor out as a unique and unpredictable individual. So, why does he choose to dress so differently?

One interesting and inescapable truth about Lotor's armor is that it perfectly matches the color scheme of his cat, Kova, to such a specific degree that it can be no accident, so it only makes sense that Lotor himself decided to create or commission a suit to match. But why? Well, given the childhood that Lotor had to endure, it's not hard to imagine the inspiration was simply due to his allegiance to the fellow quintessence-touched creature. A way to honor it as the only true friend and companion he's ever had and the only thing that's ever truly been his or, at least, the one thing he chose for himself. Kova no doubt played a huge role in his lonely life and was probably the only decent thing in it as, for someone who had no real or meaningful connections, this relationship would naturally become incredibly important to him - important enough to showcase visually. In this way, perhaps the decision isn't just a matter of honoring a friend, but also perpetuating his own individuality as defined by his relationship with his cat as something that belongs solely to him.

However, if we dig deeper into this, things get more interesting.

When I was originally writing this meta, I was looking for clues in Lotor's main design that could legitimize the idea that he would have tailored it to honor his Altean side (as he clearly isn't dressed like a Galra), as I think that would make a lot of sense for his character. Unfortunately, there's nothing incredibly obvious in his clothing that matches the aesthetic of the Alteans we see in the show as the style and color palette just don't align. This makes sense, I suppose, given that Lotor would never know exactly how they dressed even if he wanted to emulate them. And then I thought harder about Kova...

Given that he was originally Honerva's pet and she's Altean and therefore is from there as well, one could argue that designing his appearance after Kova was, intentionally or not, reflective of Altean culture to some degree. And if Lotor devised that Kova was originally Honerva's, his signature look could also be a way to remember his mother as well as her culture, both of which he deeply admires and are intrinsically part of himself. At this time, he believes all Alteans to be extinct, making him (and Kova) the sole keepers of their legacy and he chooses to wear that proudly. Ultimately, Kova isn't just his best friend, he's also a connection to his mother and Altea and all the things he holds dear and thus becomes his own personal mascot of sorts.

This decision is also deliciously ironic given that his chosen appearance is simultaneously an unintentional extension of Haggar as well, whom he despises but cannot fully escape. Just as Honerva and Haggar are two halves of the same person and Kova, therefore, belonged to both, the style Lotor chooses is also inextricably a reflection of Haggar just as much as it is Honerva and what they represent to him: corruption as well as purity - which is an interesting contrast in regard to Lotor's character.

Speaking of contrast, it's worth noting that there is, of course, a distinct and purposefully clashing styles between the Galra and Alteans. The former made up of sharp edges and intimidating reds and blacks while the latter is defined by soft shades of blue, gold and pure white. Both designs are successful in respectively encapsulating a race who's known only war and another that promotes peace. With a parent from each, Lotor naturally stands somewhere in between these opposing views both in his internal struggles as well as an outward appearance that doesn't conform perfectly to either. Lotor's style, therefore, is an interesting amalgamation of his roots, an echo of their inherent conflict, and a bold statement to all who see him who he is and where he stands.

So, we have an idea of the inspiration behind the armor, but when did he implement it?

We see in some flashbacks that young Lotor did wear Galran styled clothing. Though he cannot change the reality of his mixed blood, he can try to speak, act and dress as a Galra - all actions that a young prince would be expected to uphold but also probably pushed himself to practice and perfect in order to assimilate himself better into their society and appeal to his father. However, there's a huge unexplored time gap between what we see of Lotor's childhood and him as an adult who has already adopted his very divergent final look with no real explanation. That's why I mainly want to address the flashback in 8x02, as it's the youngest adult version we see of Lotor and marks an influential event that I feel could have had a grander effect with a few tweaks to his design.

At the beginning of the flashback, we see Lotor and Kova together - the proximity affording the audience a strategic reminder of their unmistakably similar color schemes and of their bond. Now, perhaps his appearance remains unchanged here simply to make it easier for the artists and animators so they could avoid designing a new look for him for only one scene, but I personally find it a wasted opportunity to benefit the story further by showing Lotor at a very different point in his life and a different appearance would certainly help reflect that.

Personally, I would have liked to have seen him in more traditional Galran clothing here and maybe even sporting slightly shorter hair - even if only for the selfish desire to see Lotor look somewhat different at some point during the course of the entire show. The hair would help to indicate that he's a little younger here (though we don't actually know how long ago it was) and the traditional armor would supplement the story visually by showing him still bearing some ties to his Galran heritage at this point as he continues to try to prove himself to his father that he is an effective and worthy son. He does want to change things though and help his father see there are other, more merciful ways of reaching their goals and by appearing as a Galra in the best way he can, he could perhaps make his sentiments more palatable.

Of course, things go horribly wrong and this flashback details one of the biggest shifts in Lotor's life. In the span of one scene, he transforms from dutiful Galran prince trying to please his father to exile who has severed all ties to the Galra, all hopes of appealing to Zarkon and is now determined to bring him down. Until this point, Lotor has struggled and failed to be the prince his father and the rest of his people would approve of and changing his entire appearance after his exile would really punctuate his literal and symbolic divergence from the Galra by creating a look and identity all his own with no aesthetic connection to them. Lotor, at last, is taking control over his own life and no longer living in his abuser's shadow. Naturally, the change is openly rebellious - an unmistakable rejection of a culture that rejected him and a slap in the face to all who see him. He's charted his own course and pledged allegiance fully to himself and what he believes in. Lotor's generals are also tasked to wear the same style clothing as him - a clear sign to all who see them to whom they serve.

Of course, there could be other explanations that accommodate the writers need for him to maintain this look:

Perhaps Lotor just changed his look as an angsty teen who wanted to rebel perhaps. My issue with this idea though is that I don't think Zarkon would have approved of him dressing as anything less than a Galran prince is expected to and, as we see of Lotor even as an adult in the flashback, he's still trying to present himself the best he can to his father, and I don't think he'd take the risk of angering him just to feel more independent as Zarkon will use any excuse to punish him. I like to think that Lotor's outburst against his tactics in this flashback is the first real time he's ever rebelled against his father, hence the surprise and severe punishment. Lotor would never want to willingly incur his wrath unless over such an important thing as the lives of others - another reason why I think changing into his final look after his exile is the best narrative choice. Only after being formally expelled from the empire, I imagine, Zarkon would no longer care about seeing Lotor maintain a Galran appearance and would no longer protest to seeing him dressed differently.

Or, maybe he only recently adopted the new look while staying on Ven'tar's planet with Kova for a year. Perhaps, in his first real venture outside of Zarkon's shadow and Galran culture, he became more independent, more self-assured and wanted to adjust his attire to reflect that growth. To make something of himself on his own and define himself as an individual who is open to clothing untethered to just one culture. Maybe this decision was also partially bolstered by his inclination to make the people he's leading feel more comfortable around him as well by presenting himself as different than the other Galra they know and fear. Of course, during his conversation with Zarkon, we also learn that Lotor now knows about his Altean roots and that potentially recent discovery could also have played a role in his desire to alter his appearance (using Kova as his muse) as his time away gave room for him to begin to distance himself from the Galra and begin his exploration into his Altean heritage. Again, though, I don't think Zarkon would naturally approve of seeing him in foreign attire (especially inspired by Altea). He doesn't care about Lotor but he does care about maintaining his image as a Galra prince and projecting the strength and authority that title brings over others as demonstrated in this scene.

Ultimately, regardless of the exact origins, this visual separation from the Galra serves to aid Lotor in his quest to transform the universe by presenting himself as someone who stands apart from the rest of his race and their ruthless ways. He's independent with a unique appearance to match his unique manner of leadership and ideas for the future. Presenting a wholly personal choice of style that acts as a natural extension of himself and a love for his Altean heritage as inspired from the only friend he ever really had.

So, there you have it! That's my unnecessarily long take on why Lotor dresses to match his cat.

[sca-nerd]

Confession time.

I lost my belt. Gone, no longer in my possession, unaware of it's location. I tore apart my armor bag THREE times. I emptied my SCA closet and went through EVERYTHING.

Gone.

"I have never seen you get upset about losing a thing before," My best friend told me. Because I was legitimately close to tears when she found me. I had no idea how much it meant to me until now.

I spoke to my Knight Brother last night and told him, "This stays between you and me, but I can't find my belt and I don't know how to tell Rob that I lost it."

"You lost it?"

"I had it at your school demo, and now it's just gone. I have searched everywhere. I have no clue where it would be." I confessed, trying not to cry at him.

"...is it a regular red belt?"

"Who are you talking to?" I asked him pretending to be offended. "Black with Rob's device on the end."

"I have a black belt in my garage. Is it yours?"

Why would my belt be in his garage? I had last worn it to the demo, and it never came out of my armor bag unless I was dressing for an event. It made no sense for it to be at his house in his garage. It had to be someone else's or a loaner for arming.

"Hold on," He told me. "Let me look for it."

We talked about how I would get a replacement and the best way to tell my Knight when he finally said, "I just sent you a picture. Is this yours or an old one of Melanie's?"

MINE. DEFINITELY MINE. RECOGNIZED IT IMMEDIATELY. OH MY GOD. I ACTUALLY CRIED WITH RELIEF.

He reminded me that I had gone to see him to get my legs worked on, and it must have fallen out of my bag when I pulled them out. He had set it aside assuming it was his wife's old one as it was narrower than what the other fighters wore.

This is how I learned that I have exactly TWO sentimental objects in my life. One reminds me of my biological family and the joys of growing up in a household full of love and laughter. The other reminds me of my chosen family and the joys of being in a household full of love and laughter. I have been doubly blessed to have both in my life.

Stupid piece of leather making me cry...

[brookheimer]

honestly, if the shiv pregnancy plotline is done well, i feel like it would end up being kind of, like, revolutionary for female characters in prestige television? 'revolutionary' is a strong word, but even so! just... prestige television is obsessed with the whole Strong Femininity-Rejecting Career Woman archetype and it's a trope that's often been lauded as empowering, as allowing women to be complex like male characters. except... often they're not complex like male characters, they're complex as male characters in that they're treated basically like a 'complex male character' stuck into a female body. the explanation is a legitimate one: the female character rejects classical femininity. sure. the better shows will depict the lengths these women will go to be perceived as 'masculine' in order to survive, to thrive in their patriarchal world. but regardless of the show, the vast majority of Strong Female Characters are never allowed a lot of things that their male equivalents would: namely, love and sometimes family. it's like we think that if a Strong Complex Female Character falls in love or wants a relationship/a family, she's no longer a Strong Complex Female Character, she's just a Female Character. that is so incredibly detrimental! it reifies the belief that love/family/etc are inherently 'feminine' things and that inherently 'feminine' things are inherently weak, and any woman who displays 'femininity' is no more Strong or Complex than a 1950s housewife.

so for shiv, a Strong Complex Female Character who admittedly has spent the majority of the series surrounded solely by men (she's had maybe three conversations without a man present?), ensconced in the 'masculine' defense she's created for herself... for that shiv, girlboss shiv, Strong Complex Femininity-Rejecting Career Woman shiv, to get pregnant and have to reconcile the version of herself she needs to present to the world with whatever she actually is or actually wants (because frankly, we as an audience have no fucking clue what shiv wants in life outside of logan and waystar royco) and her own fear of anything remotely approximating 'femininity'... well, assuming shiv remains shiv, remains manipulative and calculating and angry and machiavellian and 'masculine' and everything else she's inherited from her last name -- everything else that makes men on the internet call her a sociopath -- while also being allowed to explore her relationship with femininity, to maybe want kids or a family because that isn't just a Woman Trope that's also just a natural human desire for connection that many people experience, to be not just the woman or the anti-woman but a fully fleshed out person... i mean. that would kind of be huge, i think.

[more under the cut! like, a lot more. be fucking warned]

really, Strong Career Women were created as the antithesis of the television housewife. the housewife displays every emotion except for anger and deeply desires love and family. therefore, the Strong Woman will display no emotion but anger or pride (because those are the only masculine emotions) and have no interest whatsoever in love and family (because men don't have interest in love and family). and that, obviously, is horseshit -- men experience the entire human spectrum of emotions and desire love and family and all of that, because that's literally just part of being a fucking human. but while prestige television frequently explores the interiority, humanity, desires and dreams, etc etc etc of their complex male characters, they very rarely do the same for their women, at least not outside of the bounds of career and/or other areas where the woman in question demonstrates her power and masculinity (such as relationship power plays). we can't explore the humanity of Strong Female Characters because then they'd show emotion and desire love and connection, which would out them as women, as housewives, not Strong Female Characters.

we think emotion and yearning deepens male characters and lessens female characters, because we 'expect' that from women but not from men. when a woman cries on television, we think 'here they go again.' when a man cries, we think it's a shocking and meaningful display of vulnerability. both in-universe of the shows and in real life, in the writer's room and beyond, Strong Complex Women are only taken seriously so long as they reject 'femininity' as much as humanly possible. Strong Complex Female Characters have to be one-note, because if they show any other notes, they stop being seen as strong or complex. their lives begin and end in the office, in the presence of men, in the persona they've created for themselves. if there is a self beyond those boundaries, we never see it. we're not allowed to. Strong Women are uniquely forbidden from those basic aspects of human life, even more so than men, i'd argue, because to display any of those qualities would be to out yourself as A Woman and prove everyone right, to lose any and all credibility you've ever gained in your entire career because now they now you've been A Woman all along. but that's not realistic, that's not human. yet because they are still women and on some level do still want to be seen as women, but that's impossible to balance with the need to be seen as a man. there are almost no female characters that are allowed to simultaneously embrace 'femininity' and desire 'feminine' things such as love and family while still prioritizing their careers, being cold and manipulative and calculating, and presenting 'masculine' in the way they handle themselves.

i'm not saying shiv has been poorly written so far, or that succession has been, like, enormously sexist by keeping a lot of her interior life private. i think in large part this has been purposeful and makes a lot of sense -- after all, shiv is notoriously most resistant when it comes to self-reflection, possibly more than anyone else; kendall obsessively introspects, roman hates it and deflects but that's largely because he already knows what he is and can't bear to be reminded of it, but shiv is... well, a little delusional at times. forcibly delusional. she has to delude not only herself but everyone else around her in order to survive as a woman in a man's world, a liberal in a conservative company, a hardcore capitalist in a bernie sanders campaign. kendall wants to be a good person but knows he isn't, roman doesn't believe it's possible for him to be a normal person let alone a good one, but shiv clings onto these label of Good Person and, i don't know, Essentially A Man, with such intensity and desperation that any actual self-reflection would literally be suicide. it would burst that bubble entirely and then what's left?

well. what IS left? because, i mean, something would be. she's still a person. she's not a robot programmed to imitate men and show no emotion or desire (god knows she's not even good at pretending). but shiv would never take that step of her own volition. she'd never just sit down and think "hm, let's actually dig into what i really want from life and from myself" -- and even if she did, she wouldn't be honest about it.

then boom. pregnancy. "oh fuck i am a woman. oh fuck what if i do want a kid and this is my only chance. oh fuck" etc etc etc. it's not reducing shiv to being a womb (crazy take, by the way) but it's actually expanding her from being the lack of one. rather than simply being a Woman with a distinct set of qualities and no contradicting ones or an Anti-Woman with the opposite set of qualities and not a hint of anything that could be construed as a former, she'd become a person. obviously, you can be a person and a woman without being pregnant or wanting kids or a family, but we don't even know what shiv wants! she hasn't allowed herself to consider it seriously, because that would be betraying her Anti-Woman Survival Method! it's not saying that pregnancy/family/etc are necessary for a full and happy life, but rather, spending your entire life terrified of showing interest in anything perceived as 'feminine' and thus weak, of showing emotion or desire or love because you know how the men in the room will receive it -- that isn't satisfying! that isn't a happy life! that's a life lived in fear, denial, and repression masked as Masculine Self-Sufficiency to such an extreme extent that men don't even do that. the only thing worse than a man displaying 'feminine' characteristics is a woman displaying 'feminine' characteristics -- the feeling men talk about when displaying emotion is the disgust, judgment, and dismissal women (particularly those trying to perform masculinity/live in masculine spheres) experience on a day-to-day basis. while a man displaying emotion is met with shame in the moment, a woman displaying emotion is seen as a confirmation of what the men around her have been thinking all along: she's weak, she's not up to it, she's a 'woman.' men can shake it off. women can't. the reason displaying emotion feels uniquely hard for men is because it's their first time being treated like a woman.

anyways. i digress. succession has been hinting at things all along -- moments that show she genuinely loves tom, the conversations with her mother, etc -- and now that throughline can actually, y'know, follow through, and it might be fucking great, guys. that's what i'm hoping for with the shiv arc -- her trying to reconcile with the fact that she's a woman, and the show using it as a way to explore the bizarre and arbitrary way we assign 'femininity' to natural aspects of human life and desire, making those things impossible for women to ever even consider wanting or earnestly caring about if they want to be seen as people rather than as capital-w Women (and what is a capital-w Woman anyways?), and just, like, idk. i think it's idiotic to act like women like shiv aren't allowed to want kids and families -- and that narrative is so deeply ingrained in society that the presumably largely female/feminist/progressive online succession fanbase has been constantly reiterating that same trope as a genuine criticism levied against the writers' decision to make shiv pregnancy!

i said in another post that this plotline feels to me like... high risk, high reward. yeah, it's high risk, it could go terribly in so many ways, but to me personally as someone who has been endlessly endlessly fascinated with the internalized misogyny within so many 'feminist' narratives and the apparent belief that strong women aren't allowed to 'act like women' if they want to continue being seen as strong, as someone who has unironically written a multitude of papers and articles on this topic for college and for journals, the reward is just SO fucking high. like, this could be a fucking GAME CHANGER. if they pull this off it might genuinely alter the way prestige media writes 'strong female characters' which is something that has been needed for years. there will always be risk in storylines as historically ridden with misogyny as pregnancy/abortion/etc narratives are, but if there's any show right now i trust to approach this with care and deftness and real thought, it's succession. if it flops, it flops, and that will genuinely suck. a lot. but even if there's only 1% chance for success, that's still, like, 0.9% more than any other show i can think of. so fuck it. full speed ahead, baby. do this shit right

[viola-ophelia]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @curufiin <3 thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

36! that sounds like a lot, but they're almost all oneshots and twoshots lol

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

145,180

3. What fandoms do you write for?

my three main fandoms are turn: washington's spies/amrev/18th century history, tolkien (silm, lotr, and the hobbit), and pirates of the caribbean, but i've written for a handful of other fandoms too. i've pretty much retired from marvel fic, but i've written a bit of that, and i've also written one (1) bridgerton and one (1) avatar: the last airbender fic lol.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

grieving for the living (273)

life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue (210)

lightning strikes (maybe once, maybe twice) (119)

never seen a love as pure (95)

be earnest and repent (88)

but these numbers don't reflect that the majority of my fics only have around 10-20 kudos! that's just the nature of writing for small fandoms like turn lol :3

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to respond to every single comment, including on fics from years ago! i haven't been perfect at it this year since i've been so busy, but know that i read and deeply appreciate every single comment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh gosh, this is a hard question because i'm an angst writer at heart. i do tend to prefer writing angst with a happy ending, but i've definitely written a few fics with purposefully devastating endings lol. i think i'd probably say the crown hangs heavy on either side - a turn AU that explores the idea of john andre and ben tallmadge switching places in the narrative - has the angstiest ending, since it actually has two alternative endings, and they're BOTH sad af lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

either the second chapter of sweet nothing (where i attempted to write a happy ending for jpeg) or never seen a love as pure, which is a very silly celegorm/aredhel fic where i imagined them both surviving the first age and ending up becoming tom bombadil and goldberry (i know it's a crazy concept but trust me, it kinda works lol).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i've never gotten any legitimate hate comments, luckily! the closest thing i've gotten to hate is that i have gotten a handful of comments nitpicking canon/historical accuracy, which used to annoy me (because when i deviate from canon/history, whether in a big or a small way, it's almost always intentional and for the sake of the story rather than me just being a dumbass who didn't realize haha) but now i just ignore them. but i will say, the funniest/most memorable one of these i've ever gotten has to be the time someone commented on my a:tla fic (bury it and rise above) to inform me that "jeggings don't exist in the avatar universe" HAHA.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do sometimes write smut, but i almost never publish it because i generally prefer my published work to be PG-13 lol. (i think only maybe 2-3 of my published fics have some hints of fairly tame smut in them?) when i do write smut, it's usually M/F with a focus on reversing/subverting traditional gender roles.

10. Do you write crossovers?

i'm not the biggest fan of crossovers (i find that they're generally a bit unwieldy since merging two universes and two casts of characters into one is A Lot, and they're also pretty hard to do in a realistic and serious way - they tend to read as/verge toward crackfic territory for me) so i've never written one personally.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

*knocks on wood* no lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not really, but i have co-brainstormed fics before - particularly the two silm AUs in this series, where @areyoutrueorfalse was instrumental in shaping the plots lol. (and of course the legendary harpson & caroline turn verse, which has yet to see the light of day but is one of my favorite things i've ever written!) @curufiin has also helped me craft some great fic ideas, especially with figuring out simcoe and andre's dynamic in power and control.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

either jpeg (john andre/peggy shippen) or celegorm/aredhel for canon ships, but for oc/canon, anne/beckett, aka anntler (iykyk @ chaos clan lol)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ugh... the john andre turns au ;-; idk if that thing is ever resurrecting at this point but i wish i could magically complete it lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization!! i really take pride in getting my characterization just right, and i think it's definitely the aspect of my writing that i've gotten the most positive comments about. i also famously write a LOT of character studies (i'm pretty sure it's my most-used tag on ao3 lol).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i'm not very good at coming up with creative original plots, which is why i tend to write canon-compliant or slightly canon-divergent stories rather than full-on, innovative AUs (unless i have someone to brainstorm with <3).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i'm generally not a fan because i feel like it makes fics less accessible and more clunky to read. however, i also don't personally speak any other languages (except for some really rusty french) so i don't think it's something i'd ever do anyway lol. when i write a character who speaks another language (or tolkien elves, since they all technically speak various forms of elvish lmfao) i prefer to use dialogue tags, like

"'[english sentence],' he said in spanish."

"he said something in spanish that [MC who doesn't speak spanish] couldn't understand."

19. First fandom you wrote for?

in terms of published fic, it was lotr, but in terms of (thankfully) unpublished fic, i believe it was hamilton HAHA

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

it's like 3 years old at this point, but i will always be so proud of grieving for the living :)

i'm tagging @deathicus-sling @tallmadgeandtea @musicboxmemories and anyone else who wants to do this! sorry if you've already been tagged haha

[merlincersei]

Merlin BBC UK TV Show - Opinion Piece Part 2 - Arthur Was Infertile

I always wondered why Gwen and Arthur did not have any children in Season 5, because this is a very important issue:

1) The primary responsibility of the queen consort was to produce heirs. Uther even resorted to magic to produce an heir FFS.

2) Gwen was a servant who was banished from Camelot for committing infidelity. Producing heirs would have allowed Gwen to be accepted more easily by the citizens and nobles of Camelot and royals of surrounding kingdoms.

3) Arthur was a king who actively went on dangerous missions and whose life was in constant danger. Producing an heir would allow for the Pendragon dynasty to continue if Arthur were to die (…AND HE DID)

So why weren’t there any children ? In order to decipher this, we simply have to follow the clues:

1) In Merlin: Season 2, Episode 8, Igraine’s spirit came to converse with Arthur. There she revealed she was barren and could not sire children. She revealed that Uther had used magic to have her conceive an heir, which resulted in Arthur’s birth and her death.

2) In Merlin: S01 E13, Nimueh states only life pays with life. In order for a life to be saved a life must be given up.

3) Since Arthur was conceived using magic which resulted in the death of his mother, he could not conceive new life on his own.

I believe this is for the best as:

1) Arthur is the once and future king. If he would sire an heir, then the heir and its descendants will have claim over the lands of Albion. By not having children Arthur remains the last Pendragon with the only legitimate claim to the throne.

2) Having a child would have been an impediment to Gwen for remarrying. With being a newly widowed queen with no heirs, Gwen’s prospect as a bride increases in value. This would allow her to marry a nobleman to secure the throne of Camelot.

[quidcumque]

GRAVEYARD KEEPER: FIRST THOUGHTS

I heard it compared to Stardew Valley and aside from the silly title screen, it's definitely visually there. Play through? There are a hell of a lot of cons, but they won't keep me from playing it

Con: no character customization, no choices at all. You ARE a heterosexual white male-presenting protagonist with a female-presenting white sweetheart. Any headcannon re either of you being 🏳️‍⚧️ remains headcannon

Hilarious: you are reading a text from your sweetheart when crossing a road and you get hit by a car. Keep track of your surroundings, kids

Con: the dialog writing starts out real clumsy. You do eventually get choices, but I prefer how SV makes you the strong silent type when you're not actively involved

WHICH REMINDS ME, CON: don't let the dialog bubbles cycle on their own without me clicking??? I missed so much unretrievable info because I was mulling over the first half smh

Plot: she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider, she swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don't know why she swallowed the fly, maybe she died crossing the street and woke up in a shitty little medieval FLAT EARTHER village and she has to rube goldburg her way to and through a magic portal to get back to her sweetheart. Or something.

Pro: I don't play rpgs much so while I don't prefer this style over sv's do-whatever-and-you'll-suck-less-as-you-go gameplay, it's pretty awesome in and off itself BECAUSE it's so different. It also contributes heavily to the swallowed-the-spider-to-catch-the-fly effect because it's got EIGHT TABS OF TECH TREES and I started drawing graphs

Pro: you're on a derelict homestead/graveyard with a familiar need to clear rocks/trees/stuff and bring the area back to life. BUT doing things gives you different xp/knowledge points which is how you advance on the tech trees, so it's different from just a carbon copy SV feel

Con: Jesús Christ you can tell this was made by a dude. So was SV, but where it had nearly equal gender ratios (plus the aforementioned character choices), I've seen... not very many women thus far, and what we get is not exactly impressive. I have no problems with "ms charm" telling me to fuck off until I deserved to talk to her, as half the men I met said the same. But I've met two wives thus far, and uhhhhhhhhhhh one is straight up called sweet but stupid in her bio and the other opens EVERY SINGLE DIALOG with "you should talk to my husband, he's in charge" like jfc lady you're the one I need for recipes, calm down? Does he beat you? What the hell?

Con: let's set aside that I'm pretty sure the "medieval idiots thought world flat" thing has been debunked, because I found info but it didn't have good citations. Also maybe we're going for parody over historically accurate, fine whatever. But whyyyyyyyyyy do you have a guy named "G*psy Traveler" like I know I have an inflated sense of how widely it's known that that's a slur, but it on top of the flat earth thing and the WOW that's bad female-or-anything representation, it builds an image of the creator/creators as the really stereotypical basement dwelling head-up-ass dudes who have never ever looked outside their zone and never ever want to

Pro: like two steps into the tutorial you're slapped in the face with Soilent Green is People and you just live with that

Hilarious: I can tell when I have a first conversation with somebody I was supposed to have met already, because my pre-scripted side of the conversation suddenly backslides in terms of my acceptance of the situation

Pro: time is an illusion and represented only by the cycle of emoji-labeled days. Weeks are not counted, so I legitimately have no clue how many "weeks" I went through last night

Unsure??? I don't know how much I'm going to have to drink the church koolaid to progress? I saw an indication up the tech tree that suggested my good/evil choices MIGHT matter, but I've got no idea how. I told the inquisitor who'd just BURNED A PEOPLE ALIVE IN FRONT OF ME that sure I'd be his friend, and I don't know if the game allows for that to have been a choice made out of the fear that I'd be burned next if I said no

Pro: I still want to play it. The myriad cons will influence how I talk about it to my friends, but it's still giving me dopamine, and that's good enough

[ace-is-bby]

This next piece is a picture I've literally been working on all damn day.

This Idea has been legitimately plaguing my mind for like ever.

It's a modern day Au (where they are of course gender swapped one day I will draw them normally but that day is not today)

Maybe sometimes this month or next month but no promises

Info about the modern Au

LAW

Is a surgeon

Loves the color black

Luffy attached herself one day and now Law can't avoid the strange ASL siblings and is now the unspoken fourth member of the family

Clearly and insomniac

Has Zero tolerance for bullshit

Has an on and off relationship with Eustass Kidd ( everytime there's a girls night they just so happen to be broken up) And somehow Luffy always knows when to invite her out

Regrets the company she hangs around since they constantly get her in trouble.

ACE

The responsible one but no one will believe it when she stands next to Sabo

Has Daddy issues and that's why she has a specific taste in men

A professional arsonist and loves to get on Dr.Newgate (MARCOS) Nerves

Is a Narcoleptic and eats a lot

Is kind of a guppy when you get her mad enough.

Works as a bartender and occasionally a stripper and gets paid a lot.

SABO

The fancy one who everyone thinks is super responsible but is actually chaotic.

Tells people that she is the responsible one knowing that everyone will believe her and she does this because according to Ace "she is a little shit that likes to get on my nerves"

Can't remember names for the life of her she blames it on her scar but it's not the scars fault

Works in a corporate building as a spy for another company called the Revolutionaries

Purposely gets her co-workers upset over shit whenever they get too close to the truth and it works everytime

Is super rich but uses the money for actual useful things

Sometimes has a hard time remembering other things aside from names due to her eye scar which she got some time ago.

LUFFY

The one that is always acting on intrusive thoughts.

Hangs out with Traffy because apparently she can tell Traffy is lonely.

Works as a waitress

Usopp and Sanji got her the job and every week she is seconds away from getting fired

Loves Meat and is always attempting to eat the food shes supposed to give to the customers.

Doesn't care about stuff until her friends and family are involved and then all hell breaks loose

Loves going to the underground fight club where she convinces Kidd to apologize and go back out with Law like every week.

The story behind the picture ⤵

In the modern day AU, they are going for a "girls night out" trip however it goes horribly wrong after they come across a dead body it the Alley way. Anyways They have all had bad run in with the cops and they all all taken to hail for 24 hours because every last one of them is shady but none of them killed the guy

In the end they get let out since there was no evidence to incriminate them except for the fact that ASL knew who the man was but pretended like they had no clue and Law knows this but kept quiet because clearly they all ride or die for one another. Anyways, the man who died was a random OC dude named Pastor John who had a thing for Ace ever since Ace was 14 (Nasty ass dirtbag). At that time ASL were abducted but they escaped. They needed help getting home and Pastor John took them there but he had other intentions that he was never able to see through.

After that, day that had never seen or heard from Pastor John again until they saw him dead in the Alley way.

Later they find out Shanks killed the guy for attempting to creep on Ace

And the group lives Happily Ever after until the next problem arises for them again.

Sorry for rambling but sometimes I have stories to these pictures and I need everyone who is willing to read this to know it.

[identityconfusioncentral]

Forgot last night that most of our alters actually aren’t very nice to other alters (me). So when I asked them to please say something positive, kind, or nice, I should have known it was not going to happen. It’s just that 99% of the time, what I hear is completely random bs, and that makes me fear that this isn’t even legitimate communication (it’s all we have). Like, I don’t know if they can even hear me, or whether I’m just eavesdropping on private conversations. Or if they’re just messing with me by spouting random bs.

And I don’t remember specifics (because of course I don’t) but I’m pretty sure that even when I heard one or two things that were kind of possibly on topic, they were mean instead of nice. But… I mean someone has told me to die before, so that tracks I suppose.

I was just feeling upset and alone, and I was doubting everything. And it would have really made me feel better to know that my headmates care at least. But they either don’t hear me, aren’t real, or don’t give a shit about me.

I’m just so tired of wondering if every little thing is fake. Is it really so wrong to not want “everything sucks” disease, but instead “everything sucks but you have friends in your head” disease? I don’t want to be alone. But I feel so alone. And I’m sick of wondering whether every little thing is a switch or a headmate or amnesia. At this point, would it really make sense for my system to stay hidden from me, if it actually exists? Like, I know I have headmates, but are they real? No clue. I don’t use our legal name, but I remember hating that one my entire life, so it makes sense. Memories don’t feel like they’re my own, but does that really mean they belong to someone else?

I’m rambling, I’ll stop. Therapist abandoning us, leaving us completely hopeless, is definitely taking a toll on me.

[fatcatlittlebox]

your last haladriel meta made me think about how - at least in fiction, which must contain a grain of truth - sociopathic murderers often *want* to be discovered. that they deliberately leave clues to their identity because they want an audience for their genius, or to be admired. and i wonder if gal is sort of maybe like that for sauron? in that, being recognised and understood by a being as powerful as she is legitimises him? idk, curious to hear what you think.

I’ve pondered this myself and I think that sociopaths do want to be discovered, but that is a compulsion borne from narcissism. Sociopaths don’t actually want to truly be “seen;” they have a cultivated, stylized version of themselves that they want to project. And it’s all hubris and delusion. They want to be viewed as powerful, genius, virile and good. They want credit and acknowledgment. But to actually be “seen” would usually reveal the opposite.

I’m not saying Sauron isn’t a sociopath. It’s just not what unfolds with Galadriel. He doesn’t reveal his greatest self. He shows her his most human self. He never says he is good. He doesn’t claim to be noble or brave. Up until the end, he doesn’t flex his full power or strength either. While his form may be fair, he is at his most vulnerable. That is not what sociopaths want to project to the world. He admits his screw ups and presents his weaknesses to her. He calls her out for her manipulations and contradictions. Galadriel continues to challenge him and I genuinely think he feels that tension arises in him something brighter. Which, as a smith, is something he can appreciate.

And I honestly don’t think he cares about being legitimized by Galadriel’s approval. Not for himself or the outside world. I just don’t think that matters to him. He is Maia. An elemental force. He knows himself. He doesn’t need the creatures of Middle Earth to understand what he already knows: the truth of his power. His goal is order and perfection. The living are just brush strokes to his grand design.

Which brings me back to his connection to Galadriel. I don’t think he sees her as a pawn but his potential partner. If you’ve seen Hannibal, it reminds me alot of the bond between Hannibal and Will. For all his evil, Sauron’s need to be understood isn’t pathological. It’s universal. Isn’t that a major facet of love? To look in the eyes of another and feel the self-hatred overcome? It’s part of what makes life worth living. It’s the fundamental question of who made the prophets. Is it our need to understand the gods or their need for us to understand them? Is it both?

With Galadriel, I think he sees his complement. A mutual need to be understood and understand. He feels re-affirmed in his purpose. He confesses, without guile, that beside her he feels peace. And he looks genuinely shocked when she admits she feels it too. I think in his mind this is when it CLICKS. When she reciprocates. THIS is right. He believes in order and he knows there can be no order without balance. The alternative is chaos. He will always be drawn to her. That is his peace and probably the closest thing to love he can feel.

[sirravenous2]

My whole life has been a rollercoaster.

I've fought through the very physical as well as degrading mental abuse from childhood. That experience turned to evil vengeful hateful actions during my 20's. Always hiding my depression.

Then being betrayed by the one person I thought wouldn't do me harm.

People trying to exploit me when down.

My love blinded me.

I thought my life would never got better.

I completely had given up on love.

Fuck, I couldn't trust anyone, especially with all these online fakes a hundred a day.

Wrong guy, I smell scammers from half way around the world!

At this point I no longer believe that anyone could accept the love I gave, honest, loyal, communicating, passionate nurturing love.

And I can't see anyone that could literally legitimately love me back loyally & being truly honest & open.

And if I did try the girls must of thought they were far too damaged, they didn't deserve wholesome pure love or the famous bullshit;

I must be too good to be true!

Smh...

Deep down I hoped some one would come along & show me the true meaning of what a committed relationship was.

We could share notes, effort & iron things out...ll

Love we both are missing.

I'd be singing in the shower again, content finally.

I just wish too much in a world full of damaged people quick to compare a great guy or girl to their last piece of shit narcissist or abusive cunt, or a thief of time, money, ability to trust, etc...

Is it possible that an actual truly good person could maybe, just maybe have their own little fairytale; if people could let go of past idiots or gold diggers or shit humans?

Should one just wait for it till it's too late, or your tomorrow didn't come?

Fuck... I don't know.

I've been close, but no cigar.

I'm still waiting, searching, not like I used to.

Because shit, I've walked the soles from my feet trying to hopefully find my person, that one & only.

And with a heart that bleeds, it's fractured & still pained...

My mind nowadays relentlessly guarding the last pieces of the only heart I have, pushing more people away because through experience being single my 1st thought about each new person is: Bitch is fake, A dude from Nigeria/Ghana who knows..with some stolen pics of some poor girl who has no clue a Motherfucker is pretending he's her. (I'm never fooled, all fakes have suck ass grammar).

If I approach any woman to learn who they are, and to see if they are my compliment, not my completion.

It'll turn out I'm not their compliment because they want more than me, more like material things or monetary gain not love & romance happily ever after!

With this world going government ape shit with control actually being the 1% or ELITES, YOU ALL NEEDN'T BE WORRIED ABOUT MONEY & THINGS!

More like who will be by your side when majority of population are just things controlled, used or disposed of like trash?

Time counts, time never stops & what passes is forever gone, no money can buy time back, you cannot bargain or borrow time.

No money will purchase happiness or love.

And NOBODY is promised tomorrow!

So no rush to love out of fear!

Yet I weigh on each hand what's worse?

Dying alone still waiting on an imaginary perfect person?

Or, not dying but aging till the heart slows too much & the search ends & nobody their to even know you're dead?

As the sunsets in our eyes that final time, you turn to look beside you:

I want to see in someone eyes that's right there saying my last I love you, & go in peace because our lives were full.

After all what becomes of that real lover, the soulmate that never had deviant motives or hidden agenda?

They never had silence, gave all of themselves, always loyal, affectionate with passion & compassion and was always honest, never abandoned you?

That's loving.

Real living!

Or...

A heart beating slower saddened wasting what somebody missed because of pride, shy, comparison of that past experience keeping them there, pushing others away as if that last narcissistic guy still has control or became magically this new legitimate person?

And then twin flames who missed connection..

Sadly both alone, apart, yet still simultaneously hearts stop beating.

It's over.

Your mind is a good thing but we should always trust our heart & gut more and our mind plays tricks!

Just hear me out...

Don't let the last fuck up person or your mind seal your heart.

And never having the chance to have your last beat be with the one you belong with.

Nobody is promised a tomorrow.

[wandaluvstacos]

Horse Rescue Scams

I keep getting rec'd Horse Plus rescue on Youtube, but it's well-known amongst serious horse rescuers that the place is less of a rescue and more of a death camp for horses, and even traders/dealers in the area will say it. They kill anything that's a little too wild, old, or high maintenance, at least if it can't be milked for views and cash. They literally have a cremation oven on the property. Uh, most rescues do not have that nor do they need it.

Signs of a Bad Horse Rescue (based on what I've seen from Horse Plus and Colby's Crew Rescue, plus others)

They have a significant and slick social media presence, spending a ton on cameras and sound equipment

They almost exclusively show content that's meant to elicit a reaction: starved horses, severely injured horses, scared horses, horses in a "kill pen" with some kind of subtitle about how "they're all going to be killed if you don't give us $$$!"

They somehow find at least 5-10 severely sick/injured horses every time they go to an auction, and they come home with more than 10 horses. Unless they're privately funded by billionaires, no rescue has the resources to care for 50 new horses every month. Typically how they get these sad-looking horses is that they partner with horse traders, typically the worst ones, who will specifically go looking for these types of horses to bring directly to the rescue, thus hiding the individuals responsible for the horses' condition in the first place

Once the rescue is "done", you are not updated on any of the horses but a few specific, sad cases. Horses just "vanish" without a word. If it's Horse Plus, it means they've been executed and you have no clue why. They claim it's because the horse was already on death's door. But did they show the horse's condition? Did they explain all that was done to save the horse's life?

There seems to be lots of drama, constantly, that they have to talk/rant about. A professional organization is not going to mention this and will handle all affairs privately.

They're buying horses from "kill pen" pages on Facebook. Reputable rescues know that these pages are scams and that all they're doing is lining dealers' pockets. Many rescues don't have to buy horses from auctions at all, but if they do, they do it directly from the auction. They don't use dealers on Facebook.

They only seem to have a few adoptable horses, despite taking in tons every month from auctions or "kill buyers" (man of these folks aren't kill buyers at all, just horse traders who claim to be for emotional blackmail purposes)

There's one rescue on Youtube I've been following called Pony Tales that has all the marks of a LEGITIMATE rescue that does far more for horses than anything Horse Plus does. What I know about them:

They don't talk about drama on their channel beyond "we had an ice storm and now we can't go to the horse hospital!"

The auctions all happen off screen. All they do is show you the horses they purchased afterward, and it's a sustainable 4-8 horses. Very few of the horses are on death's door, so their conditions aren't easily milkable for online clout, but they ARE horses in need of a soft landing, mostly older Amish horses. The last batch included a completely blind Standardbred, a Belgian with a rotted lip, and several thin and elderly draft horses.

They have videos documenting the vet and farrier analyzing each horse so you know exactly what issues they're dealing with.

One horse with severe canker took a YEAR to rehabilitate, but she shows up in many of their videos and is updated consistently. They were told she'd probably have to be euthanized but they explored every option and now she's doing much better.

They have lots of horses on their "Adopt" page that are consistent with their videos.

If they put a horse down, you know why. They film their conversations with vets/farriers.

There's no emotional manipulation, re: "If you don't give us money, we can't save this horse!"

I haven't look at their finances or anything, but to me they seem much more legit. Support rescues with this sort of consistent documentation of the horses they take in, and definitely never one that works directly with horse traders to get the saddest horses for online clout. If horses are in such bad shape, the owners should be prosecuted, not protected so that "rescues" can profit!

Anyway, here's a video of Pony Tales specifically filming all their intakes' health issues: