#it /looks/ serious but its so fucking silly its hilarious to watch

[mochapanda]

how have the middle aged man yaoi fans not gotten their hands on the game a way out yet

[vtoriacore]

Yo! It's me! I was wondering if I could request Ruggie, Idia, Riddle, and Malleus with a significant other who fights people for just breathing in their direction. Like Crowley opens his mouth and their already like "SHUT UP!" And throws chairs at people. I think the comedic potential for this is exponential

✧ alla stocatta (this chair)!

note: this is such a funny fucking concept LMFAO😭 gremlin MC agenda has gotta be my fucking fave they have the power to be so unhinged and i live for it also not proofread because it's low-key 12 am BUT. it's readable so-

characters: ruggie, idia, riddle, malleus

people who reblogged here is a special heart and a kith y'all do the most and ily 💞

♡ RUGGIE

ruggie finds it both amusing and kind of intimidating (and kinda hot but he'll die before he admits this yk) how you literally defend his honour (even when it doesn't necessarily need to be defended) but is he complaining? fuck no! 

half the time he is laughing and the other half is him cheering you on and maybe even encouraging you to do something just a little overboard (nothing that will get you into trouble, and if it does he's usually happy to take the blame) 

the first time he witnessed you literally throwing your broom at leona in joint flight class because he wouldn't stop bitching to ruggie was just about the most hilarious fucking thing he's ever seen and oh- there he goes falling off because he couldn't stop laughing (he stops when you catch him and ask if he's okay though - this mf may think he's slick but is literally reduced to a blubbering mess once he finds himself in a position considered a little too intimate with you) 

the second time he saw you trip someone up because they looked at him wrong, and your silly, sly self simply gave them the most unimpressed look you could muster with a "watch where you're going" 

the hyena was too stunned to speak 😮 no but seriously he found that both hilarious (as always) and admirable because holy shit, you did it so nonchalantly and it looked so fucking cool- he questions how he was even able to pull you (dw ruggie, you've got rizz!) 

he absolutely loves when you stand up for him for more serious stuff though, like if someone's insulting him for his status or for having to work etc. because your no-bullshit attitude actually works so well? you just casually throw a chair at the mf even daring to look at him and his heart goes ✨✨✨ all the while he's laughing and cheering you on from the sidelines. 

.

♡ IDIA

at first, idia is fucking terrified! bro is borderline crashing because how the fuck did you have the strength to haul that heavy ass cauldron at the person making a snide remark about him? he was going to say he's NEVER coming to class again but after this, he changes his mind so quick

like, you looked so badass doing that? the savannaclaw loser who tried insulting him barely got two words out and you just- oh wow! he just got the "in love" status applied to him again! 

nah but fr he is literally fucking grinning as he stares at the poor, poor fool laying on the ground and is so fucking smug about it too! 

"that was an ez no scope, didn't even have to be 360 lol'

"idia ily but what"

"it's a roundabout way of saying this bozo stood no chance, you pulled up on him too quick lmao"

at first, he is a bit concerned that you might end up in trouble with someone for doing all this but . . . yk, his money speaks for itself and if something does ever happen covering up wouldn't be too hard so he lets you do as you please

this hades-rapunzel secret love child thinks its low-key hot too, but he'll never admit it and he literally turns bright fucking pink anytime he even thinks this. you tried prying the answer out before, but he pulled out his secret trump card - fainting on you so he wouldn't have to say a thing

idia is another mf to absolutely egg you on as you cause some more chaos, it's getting to the point ortho had to warn you of nearly breaking someone's arm before you stopped. idia was just standing there, the most villainous, evil grin to have ever graced his face; "no, no! let them cook!"

.

♡ RIDDLE

riddle. fucking. FAINTS! 

he was NOT ready for that strawberry tart to end up lodged down someone's throat as you victoriously shrugged your shoulders with a "what? they had it coming."

"oh great heavens what have you- where is the decorum? what could have possibly compelled you to-" aaaaaaaand man's down!

when he awakes, he's frantically shaking your shoulders and asking why you would even think that nearly suffocating someone (not really, you pushed the tart far enough they could swallow) was appropriate 

but let me tell you, when he hears it was because they've insulted him and brought his mother into it, he low-key feels light headed and oh wow his cheeks are getting pretty warm huh? 

riddle, in his own spiteful way, actually doesn't probe you on this any longer and makes you promise that you won't do this in his vicinity again

you of course, nod along. you won't do it in his vicinity, but will be perfectly fine exacting your revenge straight after he's out of sight

when you actually end up having a . . . a chair duel. yes, he read that right. (he wasn't about to even question how that came about but nontheless) he ends up both impressed at you exploiting a loophole you've found within his statement and at the fact the person you've just beaten (both literally and figuratively) is miserably sitting on the floor apologising for giving riddle the wrong look at 12:34 AM on the 3rd of march. very specific 

riddle doesn't even chastise you for this one, he is exasperated but does actually pull you away from the scene and thanks you for defending him. this time, he makes you promise to resolve your fights for him verbally, but he won't be stopping you from this point on (it's because he doesn't want to and enjoys you standing up for him)

.

♡ MALLEUS

the student walking away from malleus makes him feel a bit bad. so naturally, to remedy this, you end up shouting at them! now they're backing away from you instead, isn't this the meaning of true love? (no)

this silly little very capable of looking after himself fae is fucking over the moon! absolutely smitten! completely in love! when you come to defend him and angrily shout at people for not treating him like a being worthy of respect and love.

he low-key debates proposing to you on the spot after you also somehow manage to get a student to apologize to him for fearing him for no good reason! he appreciates the sentiment and you caring for his well being, isn't that basically marriage already? no? he'd like to digress immediately

malleus does get a bit concerned when things get physical, not that he doesn't trust you to take care of yourself or anything but he worries that you might end up hurt. oh, did you think he'd care for the person you're fighting? or you getting in trouble? nah, he could literally BBQ anyone who even dared harm you anyway and if crowley even thought to step in, he'd soon be reconsidering because he doesn't want to end up an elaborate crow dish

however, on the occasion that you do outsmart your opponent (aka the savannaclaw student who just rolled his eyes at the dragon fae) he feels hella proud and is very amused at your antics. i mean, the way you just psychologically destroyed the fool in front of you for their comment on malleus not even being that good at magift is very sure to leave them questioning why they even bothered coming  out the womb for the rest of their life. 

he is another one that finds it low-key 😳😳😳 like damn, did you always look this badass when flipping someone off for even breathing wrong near him? sane thoughts just weren't made for malleus

[seattlesellie]

HIHIHIHIHI CAN PLS U WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cq4ZwkQJLEM/?igshid=MTIyMzRjYmRlZg==

ELLIE WOULD DEFINITELY DO THIS JUST TO ANNOY AT U FIRST THEN IT KINDA JUST STUCK AROUND

PLELALALSE anon this is so silly and so ellie coded 😭

laying in bed with ellie, just chilling and watching tv, probably family guy (i hq ellie as being a cartoons lover. i already said shed be a sucker for spongebob…. shed probably be like “im sooo squidward dude” when she’s literally spongebob in human form) laying on her chest while shes caressing your head <3 listening to her cackling at silly jokes and throwing out random “that was so funny” and “babe did you hear that? you’re literally meg” which makes you go like????? what are you talking about. you can feel yourself slowly doze off, eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, no longer focused on the screen. now, ellie usually gets pissed when you fall asleep because she wants you to stay awake with her, she has this thing where if she shows you something, whether its a show or a movie she likes she would quite literally stare at you the entire time to see your reaction, like if you dont laugh at something she finds to be the most hilarious thing in the world (watching superbad with her was an experience) she would literally roll her eyes at you and get mad 😭 (this one time she was fully side eyeing you throughout an entire one and a half hour movie and you were like “ELLIE i can see you looking at me”)

but, you look so peaceful and cute laying on her that she almost doesnt nudge you, almost lets you be and allows you to sink in to a deep sleep…. almost. but its ellie. and she cant. so she pokes you lightly till you open your eyes and shes just fixated on you. she looks so serious and goes like “babe. i have something super duper fucking important to tell you” and youre all concerned and ask her what happened. n she almost feels bad but she pulls you in to sit next to her.

“i need to do something” she says w her raspy voice and youre gone because why the hell is her voice so dreamy?

she slowly moves her face closer to yours, puts her hand on your cheek and kisses you. and its so sweet and so delicate, that its almost believeable that this is the only thing she wanted to do.

“awww…” you peck her again. “just wanted a kiss?”

shes like, swallowing in her grin now. and she looks so stupid because god knows ellie cannot hold her laugh like, ever.

“mhhm” she says, and she moves closer to kiss you again. this time, she just BLOWS HER FUCKING LUNGS OUT INTO YOUR MOUTH and bursts out laughing like a fucking idiot. youre stood there like 😨 and shes wheezing “oh my god - you should see your face dude” wiping away her dumbass ellie tears. safe to say ellie keeps doing that over and over again till one day you decide to do it back to her, which makes her go like “woah… did you just” looking like a kicked puppy 😭

[fanmoose12]

Actor AU. And everyone laughing and asking how this shoot was done cause there is no way Levi is taller than Armin and Eren. Questions about ladders and photoshops and a lot of Hange trying to prevent her co-stars characters from joining her in her retirement from the cast due to Levi.

"Have you seen this shit already?"

Levi bursts through the door of Hange's trailer like a whirlwind - a short hurricane of activity and black hair that nearly causes her to drop her phone and completely ruins the game she was playing on it.

A groan makes its way past Hange's lips - she was so close to establishing a new record! She was trying so hard to for the past few days! She almost got it! And now it's all for nothing!

She doesn't let her disappointment show, however. Neither does she express her irritation.

There is none, to be honest. At the sight of Levi in such a rattled, unusually distressed state, Hange forgets all about her silly game almost immediately.

A much more pressing and intriguing matter arises, one that requires her undivided attention.

Hange gives it freely, turning to Levi with a head slightly tilted to one side and a smile on her lips.

"Who dared to piss off my favorite midget?" she inquires.

"Don't," Levi mutters darkly. He shakes his head, jaw tightened, then throws his phone on Hange's lap.

She snatches it in her hands greadily and quickly opens it, pleased to find that Levi hasn't changed his password. He used to, many times, in hopes that he'd manage to pick the one that Hange wouldn't be able to crack. As his last desperate attempt, he set her birth date as his password. And for a while - Hange truly couldn't guess it, but ever since she finally did, Levi didn't bother to change it again. Her birth date is his password - if that's not sweet, Hang doesn't know what sweet is.

She unlocks the phone to a picture she knows too well - it is of her, Levi, Armin and Eren, the recent piece of promotional material. The picture is quite nice, if Hange can say so herself, serene and poetic in a way. She knows for a fact that Levi has seen this picute too - how could he not, when he's in it.

So why is he so angry about it now?

"Scroll down," he instructs, taking note of the lost look on her face.

Hange does as he has told, skips through nearly a dozen comments, and oh-

That is indeed quite unfortunate.

And also- absolutely hilarious. Hange has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from bursting into laughter.

"I just-" Levi starts to pace around - which is quite a tedious task, considering that Hange's trailer is so tiny, it's barely four feet long. All this turning back and forth must make his head spin, Hange muses. It definitely would have made her head spin, just watching Levi does, but maybe - he's too vexed to notice. "I don't fucking understand. Why are all jokes about me? Only about me? I mean, you're right beside me. And you sure as hell aren't taller than Yeager."

"I was, once."

"Yeah," Levi deadpans. "More than five years ago."

Hange takes a deep breath, pushing down the chuckle that is nearly bubbling out of her throat. She pulls her face in as serious expression as she can manage right now and in the calmest voice that she can muster, says, "Well... maybe, it's 'cause I'm generally known for being..." she falters, searching for the correct, non-offending adjective, but Levi beats her to it, sharply turning on his heels to hiss out,

"Short?"

"Miniature," Hange blurts out, only to realize a second later that it's probably an even worse choice of words.

She winces, and Levi grimaces, but before he can explode again, she reaches out to tug at the back of his shirt and drag him closer. She gathers Levi in her arms, pulls him on her lap and snuggles to him.

"I like you just the way you are," she murmurs, wrapping arms around his slim waist. "What does it matter what idiots on Internet say?"

Levi huffs - not angry, which good, but still sulking, which is cute, as always, but not the reaction Hange was hoping for. To placate him, she kisses him in the corner of his mouth.

"Besides..." she begins in a low, sultry voice that she knows makes Levi shiver. "You know what they say about short men? My personal experience confirms it."

Snorting, Levi rolls his eyes. "You don't have that much experience, four-eyes."

"Quality over quantity, darling," she grins cheekily, earning a low, but fond grunt from Levi. "If you want, I can defend your honor," she continues, "Tell everyone the truth. That you're not small where it really matters."

Levi visibly shudders at the prospect. "Oh god, don't. You want Yeager and Kirstein to join in on this conversation? Because they will. And it will be fucking disgusting. I'm not ready for it. And the world is not ready either. And I don't want people to discuss that."

"Why not? I bet your ratings will skyrocket after that. Captain Levi will even get his own series."

"Nah," Levi waves her off, "that shit'd be boring people to death."

"Why? You don't want to explore Captain's life after the main events?"

"Why would I? It won't only be depressing as fuck, but as I've already said, boring."

"But!" Hange surges forward, nearly knocking her forehead against Levi's. "Captain is such an interesting character!"

"No, he isn't," Levi says matter-of-factly, then in a slightly softer tone and looking anywhere but at her, he adds, "Without yours anyway."

Hange's heart - as it's known to do whenever Levi's present - melts. She pecks him on the cheek, then nuzzles into his neck.

"Alright then, different plan. How about a prequel series? We can bring the old guard back! Erwin, Mike, Nanaba and Moblit! That'd be fun, no?"

"Insufferable, that's how it's going to be. You all won't be getting any shooting done, because you'd be busy trading jokes with Mike or discussing boring stuff with Erwin."

"Hmm," a smile makes its way on Hange's lips as she imagines it. "We can also explore the relationship between our characters in more details. Have nasty sex on screen, let people get a glimpse on your not so little friend."

"Four-eyes," Levi's voice is tight, strained. One would say that he's angry, exasparated with her. But Hange knows better, can see how hard he clenches his jaw to stop the laughter. "They won't ever let us do that."

Hange grins, fluttering her eyelashes. "I can be pretty persuasive..."

Levi snorts. "That shit only works on me, you know that, right?"

"Mm," Hange licks her lips, gaze falling and getting glued to Levi's mouth. "That I do know. So... how about a rehearsal?"

Levi curses when he catches just where her eyes are. But he weaves his hand into her hair and puts his mouth on hers all the same.

His kiss is deep, passionate, it leaves Hange breathless and desperate for more.

So more she gets. And rehearse they do.

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ the boxers at a escape room ☆

did this because i felt bad about not posting, will post a weekly update during the weekend + some art hopefully, ive had this on my shoulders for a while, this is so cringe fail

Build-Up

Okay so i made up lore for this escape room:

It's an abandoned hotel, decorated all fancy, theres old couches, fake rotary phones and a bunch of weird symbols used later in the puzzles.

It's really colorful but the theres barely any lightning because the vibes need to be settled, theres a lot of puzzles, including: puns, math and the weird symbols mentioned

The lore starts as a hotel shutting down after a serial killer takes over & goes on a massacre, theres a time limit of 2 hours, when the time is over the game is done & a dude with a really bad voice effect says "the killer has got you" Before the doors open

When theres only a few minutes left, a buzzing sound effect plays

Theres a lot of "fake" spiderwebs with cryptid texts too so enjoy that

Glass Joe

- struggling with the puzzles, his brain is melting

- "we have to turn on the TV for clues i think"

- "or a baking show"

- "either way im watching"

- hes not taking this seriously, at all

- keeps using a prop phone like its real & talking on it, ended up getting into a argument with the air

- laying down on the decorative couches "draw me like one of your french girls.." style when hes tired

- "we're gonna die, is the killer hot at least?"

Von Kaiser

- complete opposite with Joe, hes taking this seriously, too serious

- "I WILL NOT LET THEY EVIL HOTEL MAN KILL US ALL. NO!"

- acting like the evil hotel man will actually get him

- doing really good with the math puzzles, hes a natural

- dialing 911 on the fake rotary phone

- runmaging through everything, no chair left un-thrown, no couch left un-turned, no drawer left closed

- when the 10 minutes notice ringed in he screamed like a goat

Disco Kid

- Just bored, he got dragged along and doesnt feel like doing anything

- "does the TV have anything interesting on it"

- "Disco we are being chased by a evil serial killer i dont think you should be so calm"

- escape rooms dont have enough charm for him like haunted houses

- doing cartwheels across the room, accidentally knocked over a bookshelf and revealed a clue

- hes already done with this shit, let him out

King Hippo

- doesnt have any idea whats going on, hes just confused

- doesnt know whether to help kaiser or laugh with Joe

- thinks the argument between Joe and the air is real

- hes so lost

- "mom i frew up" pose while watching everyone do the puzzles

Piston Hondo

- calmly trying to do the puzzles

- trying to help kaiser calm down

- laughed at disco toppling over the bookshelf for a solid 20 minutes

- hes SLAYİNG the puzzles

- "Joe did you take your meds?? You're arguing with the air"

- "wait i got too caught up"

- He isnt taking this seriously but isnt fucking around like Joe either, hes doing his best to have fun, not too much fun

Great Tiger

- also messing around with Joe, both of them are hysterically laughing at everything knowing damn well they dont know whats going on + cant solve a puzzle to save their lives

- "whens the baking show coming on??"

- reading the books on the bookshelf disco kid rko'd

- He could be helpful but he refuses to because seeing everyone go batshit is hilarious

- keeps tripping over the carpets

Bear Hugger

- him & hondo are peacefully doing puzzles while everyone else is going apeshit, hes having fun

- re-organized the bookshelf disco kid slammed down on, he knows damn well they dont get paid enough for this bs

- cheering Joe on his fight with the atoms

- cleaning up behind everyone because hes a decent person

Don Flamenco

- very confused, he thinks theyre all stuck in a silly room for nothing, cannot do puzzles & cannot be silly at all

- Just wandering around & looking for clues

- hes concerned, not only for the boxers but the employees

- thinks the decorations look great, taking notes for his room

Aran Ryan

- doing his evil gremlin thing, chucking stuff, sneaking around, rolling on the floor, hes simply thriving

- scaring people for fun

- hysterically laughing at everything because the lightning is shitty & that makes everything funnier for him

- saying the dumbest shit

- got inspired by disco kid wrecking the bookshelf and decided to throw a couch across the room

- laughing at the wall

Soda Popinski

- Really confused along with King hippo

- hes just following everyone around like a sick puppy

- sad that he cant bring his soda but understands because he has spilled soda multiple times on his stuff and suffered the consequences

- awkward shrugging anytime someone asks him whats going on

Bald Bull

- also hysterically laughing with aran, bad lightning with cheap horror music fits too well for him

- him & aran are cackling at kaiser knowing damn well they both need therapy

- Just having fun

- He doesnt give a shit about anything right now, this is one of the only times he can maniacally laugh at thin air and not get stared at

- was the one to convince disco kid to do a cartwheel

Super Macho Man

- pretending to understand whats going on, Just as confused as soda

- Really bored

- not much to say, hes just.. neutral

Mr Sandman

- Really calm & carrying the entire team

- concerned for aran & bull since he was the only one to notice them maniacally cackle at thin air

- suprisingly not ready to punch someone out into orbit

- extremely worried for disco's bones because no one throws a entire bookshelf onto themselves and walks away fine

- brought a camera to get some real gems

- keeps coughing like hes on life support because of the ridiculous amount of dust

Extra

They made it out suprisingly thanks to hondo & sandman (barely)

Don realized he has some problems with his lungs after that trip because holy shit he was fighting for his life

Sandman convinced aran & bull to go to therapist (somehow)

Joe enjoyed taking out his anger out on a cheap fake rotary phone

Disco needed to go to the hospital after the bookshelf incident, no one is letting the fact that he broke his back thanks to a bookshelf go

Piston Hondo & bear hugger do sudoku together now since they realized they both enjoy math puzzles

Great Tiger still laughs about the bookshelf incident at night when trying to sleep

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

I love when writers add flavour to their x reader stories by giving the reader different dynamics so much because it not only allows for us readers to explore different types of stories and facets of our personalities but also opens up for all different types of pairings;

The kind and soft hearted reader who is always open minded to the one character that needs that balance and compassion

The gruff and emotionally closed off reader who deserves to be comforted and feel safe instead of feeling constantly (emotionally or physically) on the defense

The elegant and poised reader who gets a character that compliments their grace and allows them to slip from their persona when needed while still not mocking or admonishing their poise

The nerdy and knowledgeable reader with a dumb character that still loves hearing them rant about their interests despite not understanding a thing because they deserve to be listened to

I also love me some dumpster-fire-wet-cat-found-in-the-back-of-an-alleyway reader and I think it's hilarious every time

What reader dynamics do you enjoy and which types of stories/pairings do you like to see them with? (Basically ship dynamics but specifically what fanfic you'd read about them)

And what type of reader have you not yet written (or read if that fits) for (for a certain character or in general) that you'd like to try?

Me, personally, I would love to see Mihawk with an absolute we-found-it-eating-our-garbage-and-we-think-it-has-rabies-but-fuck-it-its-our-mascot-now reader

Mihawk: I have high standards

Reader, offhandedly as they walk by: This morning I fought a rat for half a bagel... I lost. That was a new low.

Mihawk, internally: fuck, they're meeting all my standards!

Or with a himbo, honestly. I love me some himbo reader (I love thembo&bimbo but my preference is specifically for himbo, which transcends gender btw, all heart and muscle and no brain)

There really aren't many that I don't enjoy writing/reading. But in particular I'm really big on oposites-atract situations.

Like:

Zoro with a silly bubbly reader that makes him lighten up a little

Sanji with a romantically oblivious reader that his flirting just doesn't work on

Shanks with serious reader that struggles to keep the dumb himbo in line but still thinks he's just adorable

Buggy's overdramatic ass with an aloof reader that knows how to calm him down

Crocodile is an exception here because I wanna pair him with character/reader that's just as cunning and manipulative as he is and watch the whole thing catch fire, I'm thinking about it way too much and I'm bound to start writing him and Wren before long

And definitely Mihawk, as composed and high-maintenance as he is, with the human equivalent of an opossum. Just an absolute dumpster-fire of a reader. Acting all annoyed about it but secretly finding it endearing and feeling compelled to take care of them. Honestly the exact dynamic I'm aiming for with him and Karimi in Hearing Problems, with her total disregard for self-preservation.

I've never written a himbo reader since I primarily write female readers, but they're among my favorite breed of character in general. Janx and Lyon provide my himbo fix. Just writing dumb little drabbles of their interactions for my own entertainment.

"Maaaan." Janx spun the globe sitting on top of the desk in the captain's cabin. "I hate it when ovens explode."

"Again?" Lyon's brow furrowed as he looked up at his first mate, turning his own attention from a map also sitting on the desk. "Is that why you look like you've been on fire recently?"

"More or less, yes," he said, shrugging slightly as he continued his examination of the globe.

"And you caused it, I'm assuming?" He shrugged slightly again. "Wren's going to murder you in your sleep one of these days." He was met with yet another noncomittal shrug. Lyon shook his head and looked back down at the map. He frowned at it for a few moments before picking it up, crumbling it into a ball, and tossing it over his shoulder in annoyance, grumbling under his breath about coordinates before turning his attention back to his first mate. "You're paying for the new one out of your cut this time."

"But I spent everything in Jaya. We were out of whiskey, we needed more, so I took the liberty of purchasing it myself."

"The fact that you're the reason we were out notwithstanding—"

"And what are we supposed to do until I get the money?" Janx went on lamenting, ignoring the accusation. "Not eat? I can't not eat. The oven is in flames right now because I was being forced to not eat."

"But I feel like I need to be thinking straight," said Lyon, still blinking in a confused manner.

Janx opened the door and looked over. "Then you're too sober for your own damned good."

The crew didn't return until later that evening, and when they did, they found Janx collapsed in the middle of the deck, covered in raw egg, pieces of eggshell, feathers, and ink. He smelled of something like dirty mop water and looked as though he had been utterly defeated. A few stopped to snigger at him, but most just walked past and ignored him. Lyon stopped by him upon finding him and looked down at him, giving a snort of laughter.

"Learned your lesson, I take it?"

Janx managed to sit up and nodded. "I had to chase her all over the ship for five hours straight," he said weakly. "I'm so tired I could sleep for weeks. I've learned that the next time you tell me I'm babysitting your hellspawn, I should probably just jump ship and let the ocean take me."

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Sherwood Forest - a silly Malevolent one-shot

Kayne has sent Arthur and John somewhere to find the black stone, and the stakes are high, and it's all very serious.

This is not that Arthur and John.

AO3

-----------------

“All right, boys! It’s been a blast.” Kayne snapped his fingers, and reality parted. Arthur (this particular one was even more verbal than most) gasped, a voiced sound that was honestly beautiful, and Kayne captured it in a crystal for some other time. Rain hit next, cold and shocking (and Arthur gasped again). “Watch your step, please. I think it’s 700 years ago, maybe, somewhere, around there. And look! You boys get to go to England after all!” And he laughed, because that was funny, and proved he’d been listening, and also, was cruel.

Kayne liked being cruel.

“England?” Arthur choked while John puffed and panted as if he had lungs (which he did not, but kinetic memory was a bitch).

“That’s right!” Kayne lied. “Welcome to thirteenth century England! I know, right!? Who would’ve thought? But this is where the Soldiers left off, so.”

Cue thunder. Cue… strangely artificial thunder, the kind one might create via judicious use of a mallet and suspended gong.

“Hold on!” Arthur’s voice broke, pleading, rising. “Please. We have no money, we—”

“Look, look, look, look, look,” said Kayne, who couldn’t worry about details. “Arthur! I can’t worry about the details, okay? Call me when you find my stone. Good luck!” Kayne took three steps back. And… as far as they could tell, he wasn’t there. 

“No!” Arthur cried, abandoned his self-ruined, half-a-bee god (not named Eric, and dear hell, Kayne knew it was time to be away from humans for a while because they were seeping into his thoughts like mold, and he would know). The comedy act resumed at once. “Kayne!” Arthur howled. 

He’s gone, Arthur, said John, sounding weary.

“Kayne!”

He’s gone. The gateway he opened—

And of course, Arthur turned on him, and probably would have hit him if he’d had a body to hit. “Shut up! You fucking… villain!"

Villain?

Fuck, these two were hilarious. Oh, they’d work it out, and use their words, and end up even more entangled than they already were, but in the meantime, this was gonna be a blast. A reprieve, really, from the actual Arthur and John Kayne was following.

Those two… he had high hopes for those two.

These were not those two.

“After everything! After you tried to murder Oscar, and I forgave you, after lying to me about everything! You—"

Blah, blah, blah. They’d be at it for a while. And they’d stumble around, and run some couture monsters, and a few deeply confused method actors Kayne had yanked out of bed and thrown into the mix, and eventually, they’d realize where they were, and be even more confused than the actors, and it was going to be fucking grand.

This wasn’t England. Kayne didn’t need to take them to England. This Arthur had already blown his role, refusing to move toward the gray stone (Trust me one last time, said John, and what a performance it was). From now on, they would be comedy relief only. 

Such comedy. Kayne wondered if he should film and find a way to sell the rights. It’d make one hell of a TV show, even being black and white.

Fuck you, Arthur! You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have done the exact same thing! 

Ooh spicy.

"What? I absolutely would not have! We were supposed to be friends."

Tee-hee. Frönds for sure, forever and for life, no matter what the circumstances, and even when one of them fucking murdered the other, tears were shed, and it was all so beautiful.

You can brush me off again, just like you did with Oscar!

Jealousy always raised its ugly little head. Kayne made a note to feed it so it grew.

Refusing to peek at the right Arthur and John (not at all because he was invested in them, no, certainly not that , but more that if they couldn’t do this without his help, then they weren’t right), he took a bag of Gardetto’s, and a 1928 glass bottle of real-sugar Coca-Cola, and he settled in to watch.

-------------------

NOTES:

SO! In 1927, Paramount studios decided it was too expensive to fly around the world and film on location, and instead, they made a new and exciting map of California:

You might notice they actually have a medieval England area on that thing. Wild.

This Arthur and John may not have reached the gray stone, but they're not a total waste of resources. Yes, Kayne dropped them in California. Yes, he might have messed with things a bit more, so now there are monsters running around SoCal. He's a horrible person, but you know, I'm with him on this.

I, personally, would like to watch.

P. S. Eric the Half a Bee from Monthy Python.

[deviildarliing]

🤍❤️ here's a nonsensical rant about griffin because i am not normal about him in the slightest and also this is my blog so!!! this isn't well put together in the slightest it's just me rambling, so fair warning, it's very all over the place 🤍❤️

dr. griffin, while being a rather questionable individual, is extremely fun to watch, you cannot deny. in the movie he's all over the place, in the book he's the same only in word form. he talks and talks and talks and it's absolutely fascinating i tell you

the scene where he's skipping down the path with a constable's pants on, spouting nonsense about gathering nuts in may, it's hilarious! when he's tossing the money into the street shouting "a gift from the invisible man! money!" or whatever, throwing his nose at the people in the inn before he starts disrobing to make his escape, tossing stones at mr. marvel so he'll pay attention, doing his damnedest to convince the man he wasn't hearing things from drinking. i mean, come on! he has his moments! the man claims the MOON is scared of him, how is that not ridiculous???? and his letter to kemp, don't even get me started, the sheer overconfidence of this fool

one of my favorite screen caps from the movie is him without the bandages on his head with his hands in the air, it looks goofy as hell, look

sure yes, griffin can be serious, he can be scary. we've seen that. in fact his ideals are downright horrific. he can be stoic, he speaks intelligently, he can be serious, he can be civil. however, let's not forget, he's also completely out of his mind. with megalomania and depravity. he's lost all sense of self and dreams of these violent aspirations and his temperament is the devil itself

but he can also be fun, he can be nonsensical, he can be tragic, he can be insufferable, he's just such a dynamic character with a super volatile personality that only heightens in the aftermath of his becoming invisible. it's sad that he's lost his mind, it's funny that he's being an absolute mad lad and doing weird shit, it's enraging what he's been through to lead him down this path and how he's treated by the others in the book even before his rampage, it's intriguing how he became invisible in the first place

he's dangerous yes, but at the end of the day he's also just a man who went off the deep end and was cast out as a result. he's not exactly sympathetic, but as someone with horrendous anger issues and paranoia, i can't help but feel just a little for the man. plus the obvious ableism also sort of fuels that fire of siding with him within me (plus my love for villains), but that's its own little issue for another post

he's vile, he's silly, he's grandiose, he's a bastard, he's so much

so much so much so much!

thanks for listening to my brain rot

all this to say, i fucking love dr. griffin and you should watch the movie AND read the book if you're interested because they're both such a treat, and griffin's downright awful in each!!!

anywhooooo

if you made it this far 🍎 here's an apple, have a wonderful day

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

sugar we're going down, all the things she said, and shake it for either one of the jaides!! :] their lore is SO creative and i love hearing abt both of them so i didnt know which one to choose oops

MILO.

YOUUUUUUUUUUU

WHERES THAT DISCORD STICKER DRAWING OF YOU BEING SQUEEZED BECAUSE THAT'S ME RN IM SQUEEZING YOU‼️‼️‼️ MY BABYGIRLLL RAAGGH THANK U FOR THAT DOODLE WTF😭😭😭 IM ALSO ANSWERING FOR BOTH BECAUSE YES

Sugar We're Going Down: Does Jaide's inclusion in the media’s plot change anything majorly? If so, what’s changed?

oh bro you already know what im answering for this one. MANGA JAIDE EXISTING TURNS A LOT OF THINGS SHAHAKAKSJJA aka fixing the RUBY HAS A CELEBI OUT OF NOWHERE INCIDENT BECAUSE UNCLE GOLD DID A THING WITH CELEBI <3 /hj

honestly i think spe!jaide is the bridge to giving a character more development and impact to their personality, she might not be the most crucial to the plot, but she was there to give more depth and characterization to ruby, gold and steven and I can name a few

- ruby: learned how to use pokéblocks because of jaide being good at snacks that are performance enhancers (aprijuice)

- gold: the aprijuice being used in pokéathalon (that one is minor but shh) and the impact of gold's internal turmoil of his insecurties being given more weight because jaide is there

- steven: this is manga spoilers territory. okay good? we good?

'kay. anyways in rs arc he was evidently more serious and incredibly busy. handed the champion role to wallace and had a little more strained relationship with ruby (oops new lore) but after he fucking DIED he realized that he was so clouded in being the hero for the entire population (see: team magma and aqua situation) that he risked his life for almost nothing and that it's okay to not be the hero all the time, being the hero for his family is good enough and that his son is also very smart with that CELEBI MOVE. which explains his more carefree personality in oras arc. he's prioritizing his family more now (e.g training mumu while ruby is away, holding ruby's secret from sapphire) BOOM. MIC DROP. BOWS DOWN

All The Things She Said: If your characters was a part of the original media they're an insert for, how would the fandom treat them? How would they treat the ship?

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT WEREWOLF MIRROR MEME WHERE A MAN STARES AT A MIRROR AND HIS REFLECTION IS A WEREWOLF EXCEPT ITS GAME JAIDE LOOKING AT SPE JAIDE OR VISE VERSA AHHSHSJAKSJ basically they get thrown in a lot of... dual identity meme. yes the spiderman pointing meme counts. for the ship I think fans would compare redjaide and stevaide a lot and it's hilarious since they're so different

Shake It: If Jaide had to pick a song for karaoke (whether it’s one by herself or perhaps.. with someone else too?), what would it be?

spe jaide would uhh pick like a classic love song she's such a romantic with steven it makes ruby and gold throw up /lh

im thinking of that one discord convo with those two where jaide sung just the two of us and steven forgot the next lyrics PFTTTT

game jaide would pick early to late 2000's music. i bet you she sings i love you like a love song baby and makes sure to direct her singing to red and watch him get flustered as she dances around silly. he loves her for being so bold but man others were watching he'd pass out

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ari<33 how was your day? how is it going? tell me tell me!! MY QUESTION IS what movies would be your movies with gojo n geto n shoko?? like something you're both always down to watch

i just thought about this bc i put jackass on for background noise (a totally normal thing to do i know) and i realized that jackass would absolutely be something me n gojo would bond over lmao i think he'd find it so funny and he'd react to everything sooo dramatically like he's crawling backwards over the couch he's gagging he's crying he's laughing and he will most definitely wanna fucking try some of the stunts............................ he's stupid and i love him

- @softgirlgonehaywire

MICKEY !!!!!!!! hihihi!!!!!!!!! so happy to see u here hehe. my day was good!!! 🌻🌻🌻 im trying to take advantage of my uni break to read and write a bunch!!! which is super fun :D i wanna check out more of ur stuff sometime soon too !!!!

what abt u mickey?? did u do anything fun??? i hope ur day was (or is!!) super duper lovely <33

AAAA AND. thats the cutest question ever im losing it im biting at the walls tysm for indulging my sashisu obsession….. this got long u have been warned ‼️

FIRST OF ALL i just wanna say i havent watched jackass so i cant comment as much as i want to 😔😔😔 bUT i trust u and agree w everything u say yep yep !!!! AND i 100% agree that gojo would do movie stunts w u THATS SO CUTE 😭😭 he would do the most complicated dangerous stunt just to impress u <333 and then break his ankle. and force u to nurse him back to health it was on purpose :/

ahhh but!!!! honestly mickey i dont watch as many movies as id like to……. (PLS GIVE ME RECS 🙏🙏🙏) i have some faves and genres that i love tho!! so here r just some general thoughts :3

gojo is canonically down to watch basically anything so i feel like we would hunt down the most awful/low quality/unintentionally hilarious movies we can n just lose it laughing. ALSO…. im not super into reality tv but i think gojo would LOVE that shit. obsessed w it. i would watch his silly little reality tv shows just to make him happy <333 i feel like he would have genuine beef w people on the show too PHDKDJD LIKE DAMN IS IT REALLY THAT SERIOUS… but it is. he’s out for blood.

….. also this is me being self indulgent lets be clear but: some part of me thinks gojo would love musicals <33 its the would-be theatre kid in him. i love and cherish the legally blonde musical and i know he would too. he sings along obnoxiously loud which would be super funny if he was tone deaf but sadly he has a beautiful voice LMAOO

NOW as for shoko …… she loves horror movies. loves them loves them. i think she’d actually prefer really bad horror movies though. bc she thinks the over-the-top effects are so funny… either way im suffering bc im a scaredy cat LOL. but i feel like she’d like that too <33 (i would cry and she would comfort me by explaining how splattered brains ACTUALLY look and that would make me cry more)

AH ALSO … i have literally no idea where this came from and its not a movie but!! i think shoko would be unreasonably obsessed w the office. its her hyperfixation. we would binge it together all the time <33 my favorite is michael but she would compare him to gojo (objectively correct comparison) and i would no longer be able to see him the same way

and then for sugu…….. he’s so pretentious mickey. i just know he is. ONLY watches good movies. if u ask nicely he’ll watch a bad movie w u but will silently judge it + ur taste the whole time i hate him. (i dont.) idk i just feel like he has way too much to say abt fight club and the godfather PSBDJBF TELL ME U SEE THE VISION…. will lowkey mainsplain them to u but its sugu so i think its fine <33

but jokes aside i think sugu just has Good taste. beyond the mainstream toxic man movies (and even w those i think he has genuinely good and interesting takes he’s simply Perfect)… i feel like he has a wide selection of lesser known movies that are actually really really good and he shares them w u <3 and gatekeeps them from everyone else im thinking like old monochrome french movies w really interesting plots …. indie gems …. etc etc.

but as i said im not knowledgeable abt movies at ALL so i think id just have to trust his taste n watch them w him 😭😭 i cant decide if he’s the type to pause the movie every two minutes to explain something or give u side eye if u talk while its playing PDBDJDJ EITHER WAY… i love him.

OH BUT BUT BUT …. i think sugu would love mystery movies a lot!!! and they r my favorites ever ever ever. i love knives out & the 2009 sherlock holmes movies so i would force him to watch them w me. thankfully theyre super good so we’d both be happy :) yeah.

if u pay attention while reading u can tell the exact moment i started getting carried away i think PDBDJD THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION MICKEY ….. so fun to think abt. if u have any more thoughts on what u and gojo would watch PLS tell me i am itching to know 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[frankiekatt]

Wowy hii, saw that you're writing for slasher, so here I am!

Can I plz have some hcs about any slashers with s/o, but their s/o is a literal gremlin, like they're not serious at all, always joking and annoying people around, but sometimes might be quite soft and quiet.

Thank you and have a nice day! ❤️

This was fun to write lmao

Warnings: Sexual harassment, NSFW, murder, blood, canabilism

Characters: Thomas Hewitt, Bo Sinclair, Lester Sinclair, Billy Lenz, Stu Macher, Michal Myers

Slashers With An S/O That Never Takes Anything Seriously:

Thomas Hewitt:

Thomas is a little overwhelmed by your personality at first.

He’s a quiet and reserved man who’s never had any kind of friends, so goofiness and jokes can make him feel uneasy at first.

But!! He gets used to everything very quickly!!!

Thomas loves everything about you and he finds you to be incredibly charming.

He can get a little anxious when he sees you annoying Hoyt because he doesn’t want his uncle to do anything bad to you in irritation/retaliation.

Your jokes are always a stress reliever for him, since he spends most of his days in a dark basement, surrounded by blood and gore. Your humor just shines a little bit of light on his day, and he loves you for that!

While Luda Mae and Hoyt might not like the fact that you never take anything seriously, Thomas finds it relieving. At the beginning of your relationship, Thomas was terrified of losing you because he thought you would be terrified of all screams, murder, and cannabilism, but he was pleasantly surprised to see that you didn’t pay much mind to it.

Thomas’ family mostly saw you as a clown, but Thomas could only ever look at you as the brightest ray of sunshine that has ever graced his life.

After all, he was the only one that saw your softer side.

Your soft and quiet side mostly shone through during the evening. Something about the sunset and cicada chirping calmed your heart.

You would often take Thomas by the hand and lead him outside to sit on the front porch with you, so the two of you could cuddle and watch the sunset together.

Thomas was always so used to your voice, because you loved to talk about anything and everything, so your temporary quiet nature was new, yet comforting.

During these moments, there didn’t need to be any talking between the two of you. You deep emotional bond allowed you both to communicate through actions.

You would lay your head on Thomas shoulder, stroking his chest, and Thomas would wrap his big arms around your smaller frame, resting his masked cheek against the top of your head.

This was Thomas’ way of saying, “I love you, you’re the best thing in my life,” and your way of saying “I could never live without you.”

Bo Sinclair:

:|

You’re gonna annoy the fuck out of this boy

Sometimes you both wonder how the two of you even got together, but the nights you and Bo spent pleasuring each other, going round after round, reminded you both how. (Your both just sexy okay its that simple)

Bo was a serious guy, so he was a little miffed that he was always the one having to take the lead in everything since you just couldn’t stop making a joke out of everything.

Sometimes you would actually make him really irritated due to your tendency to irk people endlessly, so he would have to step away to cool off and blow off some steam.

Sometimes he would yell at you in anger, which always made him feel like shit after, so he tended to stalk off to his shop to calm down before speaking to you.

You would have to go see him a couple hours later to wrap your arms around him from behind and shyly apologize to him.

He favored these moments the most.

Your voice quieter than usual, focusing on just him, touching him gently.

He would always accept your apologies, of course, and would let you know by kissing your lips softly.

Bo liked to take advantage of your softer side by lifting you up by your waist and setting you on the hood of whatever car he had been working on and kissing down your neck.

As revenge, Bo liked to draw out his teasing as long as possible. Kissing down your neck, chest, stomach, massaging your pussy through your skirt, palming your breast roughly.

It gets to a point where you just have to tell him, “Bo, I need you to fuck me.”

And he would oblige.

He would take you right then and there, on the hood of the car.

The metal beneath you was always shockingly cold, making you shiver against Bo’s chest.

“You cold, Darlin,” Bo would ask teasingly as he pulled your panties off. “Don’t worry, I’ll warm you right up.”

He would spend hours licking your pretty pink pussy if he could. He licks and sucks and kisses your most intimate part until you're shaking and crying above him, begging him to fuck you sensless.

After he’s satisfied with your helplessness, he’ll lean back up and ram himself inside of you. There have been many nights where he has taken you gently and slowly in his garage, holding your hand with every thrust, kissing your sweet lips to quiet your whimpers, but tonight was different. There was a primal need shared between you two. Bo wanted to let his frustrations on through loving you, and you wanted to be taken hard and fast.

When the two of you are done, you lounge around inside the car to catch your breath, holding hands. Everything seems so perfect.

Until-

“Hey, Bo? What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?”

“.....”

“I want you inside me! Eh ha ha..”

:////

Lester Sinclair:

!!!!!

You like constantly joking and never taking things seriously? He does too!!

Lester would find you absolutely hilarious. Every joke you cracked would have him doubling over in laughter. Which would make you double over in laughter. Which would make Lester laugh harder, because now you both have the giggles and both of your laughs are just too infectious.

Everytime the two of you would go to Ambrose to visit his brothers, you guys would annoy the hell out of Bo and Vincent. Bo just wants to be left alone to work in his shop but instead he’s stuck listening to you tell a 40 minutes story about how you burnt dinner last night.

And Vincent just wants to be left alone to paint and sculpt but instead he’s here listening to Lester crack jokes that are a.) not funny and b.) don’t make any sense. -_-

Your and Lester’s trailer is always filled with so much love and laughter and the two of you could not be any happier.

You both have your own soft and quiet moments that hit at random times.

Sometimes it happens when the two of you are play fighting in the living room, howling with laughter. You both fall to the floor, wrestling and giggling until the both of you run out of breath and just gaze at each other as you lay on the carpet.

“You look so cute,” he giggles.

“No, YOU look so cute!”

“W-well!!! I love you!!”

“Uhm...well...I love you MORE.”

And it just turns into an argument about who adores the other more.

Billy Lenz (1974):

The perfect couple.

Literally.

The two of you are always joking around, cackling and goofing about every little thing.

Billy has finally found his soulmate and he could not be happier.

He two of you prank the sorority girls together, making sex sounds in unison to sound even more vulgar.

Everytime you crack a joke, you get worried Billy is joking because of how hard he’s laughing.

“Umm Billy you okay? It wasn’t even that funny.”

“HA haha...piggy makes me laugh...Billy loves your jokes.”

Needless to say, your relationship is filled with smiles, laughter, and praise.

Billy will tell you you’re the funniest person he’s ever met and he wants to keep you forever.

You tell Billy you love how much he laughs at your antics and that you can’t live without him.

It’s impossible to annoy Billy. It’s just not feasible.

Any time you try, he’ll just giggle and pat your head, telling you you’re his ‘favorite piggy ever.’

He LOVES when you annoy the sorority girls thoug!

Hearing you moan and squeal and speak so sexily vulgarly to Barb and Jess makes Billy so proud. And horny.

Almost all of your sexual encounters are filled with complete silliness.

Sometimes, however, the joking and cackling subside. The two of you will just be chilling, nothing else to do, and you just feel the need to profess your love for your boyfriend.

“I love you so much Billy.”

Billy will look startled at your sudden outburst, before he breaks out in a huge grin, launching across the room to tackle you into a hug.

“Billy loves you too! Billy loves you more than anything!!!”

Now the rest of your day will be spent in Billy’s arms, whispering sweet nothings to each other.

Stu Macher:

Match made in Heaven!

Stu loves to joke around.

He hardly ever takes anything seriously.

He annoys everyone.

And once he meets you? It's love at first sight.

The two of you are always in detention because you guys just cannot shut up in class. You are always disrupting something.

But you know what that means!

Detention dates <3

As long as the two of you together, Stu couldn't care less about where he was.

He and Billy appreciate your habit of not taking anything seriously because once the murders start occuring, you don't think too much about it, never asking questions or arousing suspicion around your boyfriend and his bestie.

When Billy had told Stu his plan to kill Sydney, and asked him if he was going to kill you as well, Stu’s heart sank.

He remembers when he was dating Tatum, just a few months ago, before he broke up with her for you, he had no qualms about killing her,

But you?

He loved you. You were his other half. The one person who understood him, who accepted him. He could never hurt you.

“Nah dude. I’m leaving her out of this.”

That night, he sneaks through your bedroom window to see you.

“Stu! (where the hell have you been loca) What’re you doing here?”

The sparkling smile you flash at him and the love swimming in your big, beautiful eyes makes him feel even guitler.

He feels bad that you’re dating a serial killer. He thinks you deserve better, but he would never let you go.

“Hey babe! I just missed you!”

You rushed over to him, dressed in kitty cat pajamas, and hugged him tight. He had only snuck through your bedroom window a couple of times before, and they had all been planned. Seeing him in your room as a surprise made your heart burst with happiness.

Stu led you to your bed and pulled you up onto his chest to cuddle you. It was late, and the both of you were tired. Stu just wanted to lay with you in silence, appreciating your presence.

You didn’t feel like releasing your usual high energy at the moment. Right now, you just wanted to fall asleep on your boyfriend’s chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

Michael Myers:

Girl

Michael does not appreciate your antics.

Annoying him is easy, but you would never know that.

He keeps his emotions very private, so when he is annoyed he’ll just stalk away from you.

He does not think you’re funny :(

He does enjoy your quiet moments. He likes to come home when your energy is low.

He’s usually covered in blood when this happens, so you clean him up without cracking a joke which he appreciates.

You’ll turn on a movie for the both of you, and Michael lets you cuddle up with him.

He does like you, he just doesn’t want you to know that...

[toiletwipes]

hoppípolla; part one

college!dream x afab reader but they pronouns

nervous college student you, smoked weed with dream one night and you couldn't ever forget it. starting a crush you knew would be the death of you. and at the moment, you had a terrible way of dealing with things. and things just kept happening, one thing after another.

a little author's note: i'm splitting it into parts because i like the attention and also because it feels right

2.37k words

----

he literally couldn't get any hotter.

you sit at a mini-bar, crossing your leg over the other, sipping at your sprite. there was he was, in all of his fucking glory, was dream. your classmate in your english course and the one person at this party who you knew, for an absolute fact, smoked weed. and although he wasn't smoking right now, the beer in his hand said that he probably wasn't going to be, tonight.

oh you knew, this was a college dorm party, and people tried all sorts of party drugs, and weed was the tip of the iceberg. no, you knew that.

but no one was also that hot.

well.

maybe they were but they just weren't dream, not a stoner, not someone who had damn good genetics, and someone who knew how to roll a joint perfectly. not to mention, his best friend sapnap? also your best friend.

he's the one who introduced you two, despite having shared english for the past year. and he's the one who brought you and dream to the party.

(yeah, you sat in the back, pulling at the cords of your hoodie, watching the sides of his face move with quiet notions, talking to sapnap as he drove and playing soft music to match the rain.)

thinking even more, you wanted to just get up and go outside, just the urge to smoke something and anything, something to fill your lungs as your mind numbs just even the tiniest bit.

you sigh, taking one more sip of your drink before leaving it at the mini-bar, slipping your hands into the pocket of your hoodie and sliding out a cigarette out of its carton. taking a step outside, you sigh in relief seeing the dry porch. several others sat in a circle, passing around a beer and two decent blunts. sometimes sharing a kiss, sometimes the smoke between their lips.

what you would give to do that with dream, you bemoaned silently, as you lit your own cigarette, inhaling the bitter nicotine as you enjoyed the patters of the rain.

wiping your hand down on a bench, and seeing as it wasn't as wet as you thought it would be, you take a seat and take another long drag.

"so, what did he say?"

a girl with a bright green mullet and the sides of her head dyed pink, and several piercings in an non-existent eyebrow, she stares at you expectantly. as if you had an answer.

"don't know. haven't really talked to him." you shrug, trying not to think about any of your past conversations with him. all dull, all about school, all about homework. there would be no reason for him to agree to anything dealing with you in any romantic sense. or sexually, if you even dared.

"you know what that means right?" you look at her with a pinched expression. "it means you start talking to him, then ask him to blow your back out, or whatever it is you want" you almost choke on the smoke coming out of you but you mostly laugh it off.

"yeah like he'd want to talk to me," you muse, finding the stranger oddly comforting as she came over to sit next to you.

"well you don't know that, do you?" you had to give her that. you didn't know. but it wouldn't take a genius to guess the right answer. "does he smoke?" she asks, turning to you and feeling like there's nothing really stopping you from becoming besties, you pass your cigarette to her.

"i know he smokes weed but nothing else as far as i'm aware." you lean forward onto your knees, pressing your chin into your palms. "but honestly, i don't know him that much to begin with, so like, what's the point?"

the mullet hands it back to you after a pondering puff, and when you take a drag, she answers. "well, the way i see it, you can ask him out or you hookup tonight, or try to move on if you're serious about him." she pats your knees, moving to stand as she stretched. "but really, i hope it goes well, and if you need anything," she flicks out a card and watches you take it with disregarding eyes, "give me a call." and without as so much another word, she's leaving in a Beetle with her circle of friends.

glancing at it, it's a card to the floral shop but with a name on it. pocketing it and then snuffing out the bud, you leave it dead on the porch, hoping to find sapnap and beg him to take you home.

you appreciated the nice girl for the conversation and maybe the start of a healthy friendship, but even just being with someone other than dream made your heart twist in your chest.

you didn't have time to search for your best friend as he clung to dream, who was dragging his ass close to the door, where you stood now.

and when you finally appeared in his vision, you see relief and a smile sink into his face. you don't know why but you push down a smile as he approaches you with long strides. but what happens next is downright hilarious.

"we have to go right now, sap just puked all over minx and she's this close to blowing this house up," his nose wrinkles with his smile, you notice, but you nod without much thought.

"need me to drive?" you offer, though, you hates nothing more than exactly that.

"please, i've had a few beers and i don't want to risk driving tipsy," he says and you want to just cry.

you nod as you hold your hand up for the keys, and upon them being dropped in the center, you swallow down the dryest, biggest lump in your throat.

hearing several honks behind you, you don't even move above the speed limit in the neighborhood, which was five. it was fucking raining and you happened to have the biggest crush in existence on the person sitting in the passenger seat.

"i know you're driving right now, but have you heard of this song?"

the first ten seconds are tense, piano notes building up to a release after the next twenty with a guitar and drums in the back.

you recognized it easily, finding it comforting. you smile as you glance behind your shoulder and flick your turn signal on. "it's called hoppípolla, isn't it? from that one movie with the cursed girl?" he laughs and your heart clenches, wanting to hear it more.

"yeah, i just wanted to see if you'd recognize it, i've shown it to like, ten people and only a few knew it." you knew it was silly to be proud to know it but you couldn't help it. you felt easy, easy to ply with.

"yeah, well, i do have an eccentric movie taste," you smile as you turn onto the next street over, finding sapnap's house immediately. originally his parents, but they were gone for a small vacation while it was the summer.

putting the car in park, you let out a breath, just happy to be done with driving for the moment. "you okay?" you jump in your seat, finding dream already out of the car with sapnap in his arms.

the man in question babbled with incoherent words, but you paid him no mind.

"um, yeah, i uh, i just- just hate driving," you grimace as you pull yourself out of the car, getting hit with the constant pelting rain.

he frowns, of all things, walking to the porch as you beat him there already, unlocking the door.

he lays sapnap down on the couch as you make your way to the kitchen, helping yourself to the gourmet chocolate cake left there by his parents' anniversary.

tasting as sweet as you thought it would be, but somehow so fucking bitter at the same time. maybe it's the way you want to cry but how lame would that be? found in your best friend's house crying as you ate their cake?

not cool.

wiping your face with the sleeve of your hoodie, you pick yourself up and sit on the counter, desperate to change how your feeling. your skirt riding up your thighs, almost hiding in your oversized hoodie, not that you noticed.

and as if he could read your fucking mind, he walks in as he's ruffling his head of hair, as if he just got out of the shower. catching you on the counter, you had half a mind to stop eating cake and get down but you just didn't care at this point.

"want some?" you offered, sliding the platter of cake towards him while you tried to hide the fact that your face was blotchy and your nose couldn't stop sniffling. you hated the way pity looked in people. but when you turned to give dream a spoon, you saw nothing but a man with flushed cheeks and darting eyes. "are- are you good, dream?" you ask, almost disbelieving that this man is anything but flustered.

"you just, uh, well. i- i don't know how to say this but." he covers his mouth and face with one hand as he points to your lap. raising an eyebrow, you turn your head down to see the little, cyan bow on the front of your grey panties.

"oh fuck-" you dropped your fork as you yanked your skirt down and hopped from the counter, barely meeting his shoulders as you went to move away from him.

tears dropped from your eyes faster as you went to leave, when dream's arm shoots out to stop you, grabbing you by the arm as he protests you leaving.

"okay, it's bad but you can stay, um, let's just finish the cake and go to bed." you really didn't want to, dream seeing your underwear while you ate cake was forcibly checked off your bucket list.

turning around, you wanted to shrink and then be crushed like a bug underneath dream's shoe, but you settled for picking up your spoon and shoveling a bit of cake in your mouth until you couldn't think about anything else.

you flashed your crush, and he asked you to stay to eat cake. cake, of all things, you mourned.

wished somebody eat you out, you weep in your head, and come to your horror, dream starts choking on cake, coughing loudly as he punched his chest.

"i have a feeling i said something out loud." you feel humiliated as you just let the fork fall from your fingers, walking out of the kitchen, not hearing the man disagree and then as you're about to just pull your shoes on and leave, dream comes out of the kitchen and puts his hands on your shoulders.

"listen, uhh, i don't want to freak you out, but a few weeks ago, when- when we went to that party with george, he may or may not have said that you had, uh, that you have a crush on me and- is- is that right?" his words fell out of his mouth faster than he could trip over his feet. "do you like me like that?"

you wanted to melt into the ground.

"can i just go?" you whimpered out, turning your head as you tried to pull his hands off your shoulder.

"please answer the question," he begs, moving his hands from your shoulders to your cheeks, cradling it as he got closer. "because i cannot stop thinking about you, and every time we're alone, you always leave as soon as possible but then you looked so hot on the counter-" he breaks off, moaning under your stare as you listen with wide eyes.

"please say you feel the same," he begged pulling your face close to his as you gripped his arms.

"and what would you do if i did?" you whispered, eyes closing as you tried to hold onto your beating heart. his breath fanned over your lips, and all you could think about was him, him, him.

"anything you'd let me do," he says and you let out a broken moan when your two lips met, slotting against each other as if they were always meant for this. he moves his hands from your face to your shoulders and down as he moved to your waist. you grabbed a handful of his hair, the other holding the side of his face, and he moves his mouth from yours and licks a stripe down your chin to your neck.

"do you remember the day we first met," he murmured against your skin as you panted. "you were shivering while we waited for the professor, and you asked if you could borrow my jacket." it does ring a bell but you're not thinking too hard when he starts biting into your neck.

"and when you keep showing up, wearing my jacket, and that pretty, short skirt," he reaches up with one hand to hold onto your neck as he sucks a hickey right into your skin, painting as much as he could with such a pliable canvas as your skin.

"the things you do to me," he lets out a moan so broken, you wondered how he could be this affected by you and you not noticing for so long.

"we have all night, we can-" you let out a whine as he sucks hard into that sweet spot, "we can try to do it, everything, everything you and i want."

reaching down, he slipped his hands underneath your ass, picking you up with ease as he moved towards the guest bedroom. "i hope you're not planning on walking anywhere tomorrow," he pants in your ear, leaning you against the door as he uses the one hand to open it. kicking it behind him, he lays you on the bed, pushing up his hoodie to mouth kisses onto your stomach.

"as long as you'll have me," you spoke with need, your voice breaking just as much as his. and he nods hard, before he moves back over you to kiss your lips.

"you ready?"

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

I watched the first two episodes of Arc V

Why? Because my sister really wanted to show me Arc V and as a compromise, I agreed to watch two episodes before going back and finishing Zexal which I can now tell you I intend to do tomorrow when I get home from work at latest.

But right now, it’s Arc V time. With each of these shows, I have had an instant attachment to one of the characters that drove me to continuing the series. The original series’s was Kaiba:

GX’s was Judai (who is now my favourite character in all the Yugioh shows)

5Ds didn’t have a character I got instantly attached to which is part of why I didn’t stick with it (unless you count Paradox but he’s only in the BBT movie and hardly in 5Ds at all from what I’ve heard)

And Zexal’s was Astral:

And now what has Arc V given me? The ball of wholesomeness and relatability that is Yuya Sakaki.

Just... just look at him. He looks like a cinnamon roll and I am ecstatic to learn that he acts like a cinnamon roll. He wants to entertain people, he is silly and sweet, he accidentally invented a new summoning technique while in a coma (which was fucking hilarious). He hides all of his negative emotions behind smiles and laughter which oh my god I relate to so hard. I really hope they delve into that as the series goes on.

From the first two episodes, I can tell that Arc V is going to be really dumb and weird which is exactly what I want from Yugioh. Zexal goes a little too far with it sometimes and yes, I like Yugioh the most during its darkest moments but what got me attached to the original and GX and Zexal in the first place was the silliness of drama queens playing with zany magical cards. Yugioh is silly. I want it to be silly and dumb. My problem with 5Ds (from the two episodes I saw) was that it was too serious too fast. There was nothing fun to latch onto so I wasn’t very invested. And don’t tell me two episodes isn’t enough of a chance. I have seen the same amount of Arc V as I have 5Ds now and I’ve already invested in Arc V. I want to see Yuya master the completely stupid broken summoning technique that is pendulum summoning. I want to see how Tatsuya, Yuzu, and those villains they’ve alluded to are going to be part of the story. I want to see what the story is. Because it hasn’t started yet. Nothing has happened in these episodes besides Yuya accidentally discovering Pendulum summoning and then failing to do it on command. And that was fun. Yuya riding a hippo and a dragon to show off Solid Vision is cool. Yuzu winning her very first duel was cool. I promise to go back and finish Zexal first (or at least in tandem) but Arc V is really cool so far.

[cellard0ors]

Fic: Little Bit Hot, Little Bit (Bitter) Sweet

For @peachworthy ,who asked about Link's ennui when it came to his bachelor party and its lack of strippers. (Warning for infidelity)

"So, what was that about?"

Link and Rhett are back in their office, gathering up their things. The Mythical Crew has already checked out for the day, leaving the two lifelong friends alone and Rhett is looking at Link inquisitively after posing this question.

Link, not meeting his eyes, is idly adjusting the zipper on his laptop bag, "Don't know what you mean."

Rhett rolls his eyes, "Of course you do. You got all weird when we analyzed that one organizational pic. The one for the bachelor trip. Why? Was it cause I got another point?"

Link hasn't redirected his attention from the bag, so Rhett presses on, "I can't help that I smoke you at these things, man."

"It wasn't that," Link cuts in neatly, words practically overlapping over Rhett's, "It's..."

He shrugs helplessly, "Silly."

"It ain't," Rhett argues, "Not if it bothers you this much, so," he gestures to him to continue even as he says, "Go on..."

Link sighs and finally looks away from the bag, putting it to one side. He sits on their couch and flaps his hands," Look, I was just thinking back on my bachelor party and how it wasn't that big a celebration and it just-? I don't know...brought me down? It's just that there are a finite amount of things you can experience in your life and I guess I just've been feeling like I missed out on a lot."

"... because you didn't have strippers?"

Link levels Rhett with a look at that, but Rhett counters with his own, "Look, bo - we both got plenty of time left. Is that it? This some kinda midlife crisis thing? Cause I know Lily's going to college has left you feeling a lil'-?"

"I'm not having a midlife crisis," Link returns in a slightly waspish tone, arms crossing, "I'm simply recognizing things I missed out on "

"Link, if...if you want to go to a strip club-?"

"Christ," Link hisses with a surprising amount of annoyance - so much so that Rhett bristles at it, surprised and hurt until Link drops, "I don't want that. I just-? I want-?"

His voice drops in volume, soft and sad, "I just want to feel special."

Rhett blinks in shock. He opens his mouth, closes it. He's at a complete loss on how to answer, which a relatively new experience for him. Luckily, Link is more than up for filling in the silence, "Ain't like I need a stripper for that... albeit someone taking off their clothes for my enjoyment is a nice benefit, but..."

Rhett just stands there. Looming above Link, thinking and silent and Link shrugs again, rubs his palms over his knees, "Been married for forty three years... getting to damn near fifty and I don't regret a second of it, but it's-? It's nice, y'know?"

He sighs and tips his head back so it rests against the couch, eyes closed, "It's nice now and again to think of yourself as... attractive. Special."

The silence stretches out and Link shakes his head, "Man, just-? Just ignore me. I'm talking crazy, I'm talking-!"

Link's words are cut off by the sound of music coming from their blue tooth speakers. It takes him a minute to recognize it and when he does, his head shoots upright lightning fast, eyes wide, because it's ZZ Top.

It's not the kind of tune they normally listen to, but as Billy Gibbons starts singing for someone to give him all their loving, Rhett starts shaking his hips.

It's overly theatrical and he's toying with his shirt, lifting up the hem this way and that and Link bursts into giggles. Is his friend serious?

Apparently he is, as he starts making 'come hither' motions to Link and Link, still laughing, shakes both his head and hands, because no way is he going to get up and dance with this lovable idiot.

Rhett, undeterred, shifts his attention to his shirt again – whipping it off in one smooth motion before raising it one handed above his head, spinning it in crazy circles.

Link, seeing now exactly what his pal’s intentions are, begins to hoot and holler, clapping as if watching a real strip show. Rhett makes sure to toss the shirt at him and Link catches it easily.

He fawns over it dramatically, fanning himself and going as full ham as he can. Rhett’s nose scrunches up and he bends over laughing, clutching at his knees a moment before tossing his long hair back, a near perfect replica of a professional stripper tossing back her locks around during a routine.

He spins on his heels and kicks off his shoes clumsily before turning back, unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them off with as much skill as he did the shirt.

Once again, he tosses the discarded article of clothing at Link, who this time tosses it aside as if it’s an annoyance. There’s Rhett, in his boxer briefs and socks, shaking his booty at Link and it’s – without a doubt – one of the greatest things Link has ever seen.

Absolutely hilarious and silly and just the thing to snap him out of his blues.

As Link starts pretending to ‘make it rain’, Rhett dancing within the fake flurry of bills, he wonders idly if Rhett is going to climb upon his lap.

If he’ll embark on some faux lap dance or try to find something that he can work as a pole, but instead Rhett backs up and Link can’t help but snort, pumping one fist as he brusquely cheers, “Back dat thing up!”

Rhett stops again, chuckling, and Link breaks down as well, the two losing themselves to laughter. Link suspects at any moment Rhett will stand upright and resume a more conservative mien, but instead Rhett literally waggles his ass near Link and Link can’t help but pretend to spank him.

To be fair, he kind of really did spank him in that video they did – what’s so different about this?

Well, it turns out it is different, because when Rhett unceremoniously seats himself upon Link’s lap, his back to Link’s front, things are...not exactly the same.

Okay, so, yes – they did this in that same video – however, in that video, it had all been for show and Rhett hadn’t been…so…fully seated. Much less…grinding.

He’s grinding joyously on Link’s lap, completely unaware that this has just gone a wee bit too far, because yeah, the heat of him? The feel?

…oh boy.

Link’s…’not so’ little Link notices. And then some. Rhett’s rocking against him in perfect sync with the thrumming bass of the song and it’s been awhile since Link has felt this kind of special. Both he and Christy have been busy with this or that and this is…ahhh…

Rhett really works himself downward, creating a fantastic friction between his ass cheeks and Link’s burgeoning erection and Link closes his eyes tight, ready to speak up when Rhett knocks back against him some, tone throaty, “This working for you?”

“Rhett…” Link chokes out and Rhett, having yet to clearly recognize any troublesome signs, just gives him the sauciest grin, “Thinking it’s working for me. Working up a good ol’ sweat – might have ta take this act on the road, see if Jes-!”

“No,” Link grunts, because…he can’t think about that right now. He can’t think about anything. Instead, he grabs a firm hold of Rhett and does his best to halt his movement.

Rhett makes a questioning sound and then? Then he flushes. His cheeks grow fully crimson, green eyes wide as he pushes back just that little bit and he lets out a quiet, ‘Oh.’

Link nods. Rhett stops his movements completely. Link sits there in horrified humiliation, waiting for the hammer to drop, but then? Then Rhett does something completely crazy.

Crazy, immoral – absolutely nuts.

He…starts moving again.

This time with…intent.

He circles his hips and rocks backwards and Link lets out a choked sob, confused and betrayed and yet…unable to deny himself. His grip moves to Rhett’s hips and they’re surprisingly full. They fill up his sweating palms perfectly and Link can’t help himself.

He curses and prays to God equally as he locks down on Rhett and thrusts up. His rapidly swelling dick reaches its maximum hardness and – even through all the layers – he swears he can feel that sweet spot between Rhett’s cheeks – feel that hidden spot, that entrance, that-!

Link’s head knocks back on a full throttle moan and Rhett is not helping as he swallow thickly, muttering his own curse and…moving again.

Rhett is moving again.

And then so is Link.

They start working against one another – Rhett bearing down, Link thrusting up and the air fills with the sounds of their thick, heavy panting – whimpers and moans and Link knows his grip on Rhett has to be bruising and he wants to ease up, wants to relax it, but he can’t, he can’t.

He can do nothing but chase after this vicious, hungry pleasure and it’s like a beast inside of him has been awoken. It snarls and bears its fangs and bears down on its prey with full force.

What had started off as stupid fun has turned into a charged, erotic moment beyond comprehension and Rhett gasps Link’s name, gasps nonsensical things – filthy things.

And when Link hears something along the lines of ‘can practically feel you in me’ he loses himself entirely. With a sharp cry, his body releases – his cock throbbing with endless ecstasy as wet, hot heat fills the front of his drawers As his cock exerts itself, spilling his seed, balls pulsing and it’s so good, so good, so good.

It takes him awhile to recognize he’s chanting this helplessly into Rhett’s back as he thrusts up into him. As he cums and cums and he’s never had a climax like this.

One that leaves him blind, deaf, and dumb to everything. But then -just as wonderfully as the spell washed over him – it washes away.

And he’s cold.

And he’s ashamed.

And he’s…fuck.

The fact his next thought is that he wants more just makes him feel even worse and then Rhett slowly peels his fingers away from him.

The force Link used to hold Rhett in place is horrifying to him and he wouldn’t be surprised if Rhett never forgives him for it, if it wasn’t for the fact that – when Rhett rises – he’s clearly aroused.

His own underwear is tented by his obviously full cock and he turns to Link and licks his lips, eyes bright and hot as he husks, “Be back.”

Rhett disappears into their shared bathroom and Link has no doubt about what he’s doing in there. Not that Link is going to wait around to find out. He immediately springs from the chair. He springs from the chair and flees – flees because that wasn’t supposed to happen.

Nothing like that was ever, ever supposed to happen and his whole body is still humming with the afterglow of pleasant release and yet his eyes are burning with unshed tears because – what has he done?

What did he do? What did they do?

He just wanted to feel special and now?

Now, he feels nothing.

[discotreque]

LwD 2.05: An Embarrassment of Dooplers

So I was a little nervous about this one! I hadn’t heard any spoiler-spoilers, but screeners have been out for weeks now, and I’d heard a bunch of individual, vague, non-spoilery hints about (1) big character moments, on the scale of a mid-season finale even though the show’s not taking a mid-season break; and (2) an ending that would make me cry.

I guess I imagined something relatively serious and dramatic, like “No Small Parts”? This show makes me cackle with laughter and giggle with nerdy glee and “d’awww!” at heartwarming friendships every week, but it’s only ever made me cry once—and then I was impressed that they were going to get there from the wacky hijinks we saw in the brief teaser.

The lack of a cold open made me apprehensive too—in my experience, that’s typically a sign that there’s so much plot in the rest of the episode that they need that extra scene—but after ~21.5 minutes of aforementioned hijinks, I was having so much fun that I’d completely forgotten about the alleged tear-jerker at the end…

…and they were not the tears I was expecting.

I didn’t think I’d be smiling and crying!!!! That was wholesome as SHIT!!!!!

I almost can’t believe they earned that—but they totally did.

After a Mariner–Tendi episode and a Boimler–Rutherford episode, we’re back to the “usual” Season 1 pairings… except the relationships between these characters have changed since Season 1. Mariner still feels thwacked in the abandonment issues by Boimler bailing for the Titan, and Rutherford’s having a tiny little existential crisis about losing an entire year of his life.

Both of which are extremely understandable and very heavy situations—and both of those situations get resolved because everyone in them is vulnerable with each other and honest about their feelings—AND that honesty and vulnerability brings both pairs of friends closer together. Are you kidding me?? I would watch SEVENTY seasons of that shit. Put it in my veins.

Onto the notes:

So basically Dooplers are Tribbles, but for cringe comedy instead of slapstick? Ohhhhh boy.

Look at Ransom the diplomat, tossing his own fork on the floor! I like that he’s actually a pretty competent Starfleet officer, despite also being a completely ridiculous person.

Wait a second, is that—OH HOLY SHIT, THE DOOPLERS ARE VOICED BY RICHARD KIND.

It makes sense that B. Boimler would find William annoying—who likes seeing their own flaws reflected back at them? And who could be a better reflection of one’s flaws than one’s literal duplicate?—but most interesting to me is that it implies on some level, Bradward knows the stick up his butt is a flaw. (Does William?)

Why does the Cerritos model have working phasers?!?!

I’m loving hot pink as the currently en-vogue colour for “dangerous sci-fi energy” in animation (cf. almost every previous episode of this show; Into the Spider-Verse; other stuff I can’t remember right now). As a former child of the 80’s, I’m living for it… but as a former teenager of the 90’s, I can’t help but wonder if it’s going to age as poorly as the harsh neon green of The Matrix, every Borg appearance on Voyager, and like 80% of the websites I made in high school…

SKANTS! SKANTS! SKANTS!

That fake-out joke with the fly-by over the Cerritos model was in the season trailer weeks ago, and I was so enthralled by that handsome lady that the sticker coming into frame still got me good 😂😂😂

BECKY Mariner????? omg yes

Some top-quality Boimler screams in this one. Poor Jack Quaid must drink gallons of throat-coat tea when he records.

One of the great things about Star Trek to me is that you never know what you’re going to get from any random episode. A murder mystery? A road trip? A spooky thriller? A cheesy romance? Broad comedy? Body horror? Didactic political screeds shrouded in tissue-thin science-fiction metaphors? Brain and brain, what is brain??? And after this many years of watching, you’d think I’d be hard to surprise. But if I ever told you I thought I’d see a Blues Brothers–style car chase through a frickin’ shopping mall on an episode of Star Trek, I would have been straight-up lying to you. I loved it, it worked for me, my jaw was on the floor and I was clapping with joy—but I’m definitely comfortable calling this one “unexpected.”

It’s CAPTAIN SHELBY!!! And an ancient babydyke crush rose from the depths of my childhood subconscious… (Also I think her Number One is based on the original makeup—eventually deemed too complicated—for Saru? Now that’s a deep cut.)

In 20th-century Trek, you almost never got to see what was going on inside a starship from the outside. Even after they switched from physical models (where it was next to impossible on a single episode’s budget) to CGI (which was still in its infancy, still not exactly cheap, and still broadcast in SD anyway), it was a rare thrill to see any meaningful interior details in an exterior shot. Disco’s modern VFX have given us some tasty, tasty treats in that department, but nothing quite as sublime as all the pink Doopler light glittering through the Cerritos’s windows.

Mariner says she’ll take her contact Malvus down with her, and threatens that they’ll end up “in the same cell.” Malvus is a Mizarian, a species introduced in TNG’s “Allegiance,” in which Captain Picard is held in a mysterious prison with one. I think I see what you did there, McMahan?

Bartender… so hot… lesbian circuits… overloading…

The Tendi and Rutherford C-story was, well, a C-story within a 22-minute episode, so there wasn’t much to it, but the one scene that mattered actually mattered a lot. I’m ambivalent on whether they should end up romantically involved—I’d prefer they don’t, but they’ll be one of the cutest couples in Trek history if they do—and as long as they keep that pure, sweet friendship between them at the heart of whatever else happens, I’m on board.

Carol Freeman was already one of my favourite captains before this season, and she’s been steadily moving up the list. The quiet throughline about her ambition to be on a better ship has been fascinating so far, and it’s starting to actually make me feel a little conflicted: I’m of course rooting for Captain Freeman to recognize her worth, make Starfleet recognize her worth, and become the ass-kicking captain of a hero ship that she’s clearly ready to be—but that almost surely means she’d be kicking ass off-screen, because LwD isn’t about those kind of adventures, and I’d be devastated not to have Dawnn Lewis on the show every week. So I’m kind of on the edge of my seat about this one!

I had so many favourite jokes this week I put them in a separate list:

“Even the replicated water on the Titan tasted better” is a low-key brilliant dunk on people who can’t shut the fuck up about the cooler places they used to live.

“Ooooh, they have a Quark’s now! That used to just be an empty lot where teens would make mistakes!” ← That’s literally me every time I go back to where I grew up. I felt so Seen™ I almost hid under a blanket.

“I would never go down the stairs!” (evil grin) (goes up the stairs)

The “well, shit” expressions from Mariner and Boimler as their crashed car sank right into the water… which started to bubble innocuously… and then the bottles of Data bubble-bath popped up, paying off a joke I thought had already been paid off—that was the one that woke up my poor cat this week. Just exquisite timing.

“YOUR PAGH IS WEAK, AND IT DISGUSTS ME!” “I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t like your tone!”

“Okona’s in there? He’s not even Starfleet! This is outrageous!” made me shout “NO!” at the screen like I was scolding my cat for scratching furniture. (She did not wake up that time.)

Best background joke: the neon sign at the dive bar advertising FREE SHOTS & BEERS. (Get it? Because they’re on a Federation starbase? Where nobody uses money?)

And of course Quark merchandised DS9.

This wasn’t just a standout episode of Lower Decks, this was a brilliant episode of Star Trek, period. The Dooplers, though extremely silly, are nevertheless also a clever sci-fi metaphor for real and relatable personal/interpersonal issues, and an effective plot catalyst for meaningful character growth from all four of our ensigns and the captain.

The jokes were hilarious, the action was kinetic, the A-, B-, and C-plots linked up thematically, the visuals were consistently and thoroughly gorgeous, the character beats—between Mariner and Boimler, Tendi and Rutherford, Mariner and Capt. Freeman—were all genuine, heartfelt and wholesome, and the references to other Trek canon were both deep and deeply affectionate.

Only 15 episodes in, and this series knows exactly what it is, exactly what it wants to do, and knows that it can knock our socks off doing it. Mike McMahan has said in recent interviews that the back half of S2 (and the apparently almost-fully-written S3) is a straight line uphill in quality from here—which surprised me at first, because McMahan seems like a pretty chill dude who doesn’t normally brag about his own work like that.

But then the Prophets sent me a vision of my space dad Ben Sisko, who reminded me of the words of 1930’s baseball player Dizzy Dean:

“If you can do it, it ain’t bragging.”

[Thanks to cygnus-x1.net for the screenshots this week—I was too lazy to do my own.]

[kasugas]

Tell me about your yakuza blorbos

OH GOD this is gonna take a while so sorry if this is late (I'm gonna be on mobile tackling this throughout the day)

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

Right now I think it's Ichiban..... Before playing LAD I would have 100% said Majima BC I mean he isn't the fan favourite for no reason but Ichibans character is so strongly written that in just 1 game he's won me over. I care him

However I can assign a blorbo to each game for extra opportunity for me to rant like a madman (I will put it under a read more at the end to save this posts length)

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Ok for a series about grouchy old men this is the funniest question. I think haruka is the only choice here, mainly in 1/2

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

SHINADA. For a guy that was a random protag shoved in at the end of the longest fucking game known to man he really grew on me. I still don't understand baseball though. He's just silly goofy and I hope he's having a good time with his new friends

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Nishida 100%. I would say Date here but I think he's had too much screen time to class as a background character. When nishida left a note or was even mentioned in dead souls I was so eager to read it. A note. He wasn't even in the game. Yuya could also work here but again hes had some decent screentime.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

This is tricky.... I would not ascribe this character all the traits described in this heading but Majima. From Yakuza 5 in particular he's at his peak poor meow meow in 5 he needs to get in the pet carrier.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Akiyama. Look at his smug little face. Adachi can also fit into here because he's an asshole too but akiyama easily tops this one.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

I fucking forgot his name the scary red suit bitch from 0.. NISHITANI IT TOOK ME LIKE 3 HOURS TO REMEMBER HIS NAME. solely because he fucking terrifies me he is the scariest Yakuza character hands down. also on the topic of 0 i hope Sagawa is in superhell

hiiiii i finally got the keep reading working so a full 12 hours after starting this draft i can finish it ^_^ My blorbo of each respective yakuza game is as follows:

Y0: Majima bc of course. Majima in 0 got me hooked on yakuza as a series and picking up 0 in a winter sale back in 2020 was the best oblivious decision i ever made. I just really like serious Majima and whenever that part of his personality shines through in the later games its just ough ough.

Y1: Haruka #girlboss. she does not behave like a realistic 7 year old but honestly shes just so no-nonsense in this game she is the lead we deserved. Its also really interesting seeing how yakuza 1 doesnt follow Kiryus story as much as it does Harukas, like shes the one looking for Yumi and she kicks off the plot.

Y2: KOYUKI....... i fucking loved the cabaret grand prix in kiwami 2 and both Yuki/Koyuki were hilarious to watch. That minigame could have honestly been a standalone game and i’d buy it the  storyline kept me hooked the entire time mainly bc Koyuki was so fun to be around. Honorable mention to Majima here because his scenes in kiwami 2 are the funniest hes ever been in this series.

Y3: Honestly all the fucking kids in this game could count as a collective blorbo but if i had to choose on specifically it’d be Taichi. He had such a fuckin personality and always stood out from the other kids you go you funky little wrestling fan.

Y4: Now going into this game i was thinking Akiyama was the smug little bastard id obsess over but hes too much of a dickhead in this game. My actual blorbo of Y4 is Saejima. The way they wrote his character is fucking amazing i still love rewatching that scene in the colluseum from him and the reunion with Sasai afterwards. Hes a gruff dude in touch with his emotions and thats the shit i like to see. We dont talk bout that one scene with Haruka though. Erased.

Y5: Now heres where Akiyama really became one of my big faves. Seeing him interact with Haruka and just go around trying to solve crimes was really nice to see. Honestly any time you want me to like a character just have them interact postively with Haruka its foolproof. Akiyama really is a fucking mess but hes so fun to watch ingame as well as his fighting style being by far one of my favourites in this series.

Y6: Ironic that the main character hasnt even gotten a blorbo mention until now. Yakuza 6 really fucking made me appreciate Kiryu, this dense man that we’ve watched go through 30 years of devastating life events and trauma. Not even going to mention the final few scenes of this game i have so much respect for him and im going to move on before i become a sad puddle on the floor for the next 3 hours.

Y7: Well its my current main blorbo. Ichiban. The way they made this man so fucking cheesy but so genuine is baffling. Hes the most endearing character ive encountered in the entire series and its amazing how fuckin quick i was to like him. We’ve had Kiryu as a protag for so fucking long Ichi had some massive shoes to fill but the game handles it so well and ough ough. He needs everyone to be nice to him RIGHT THIS SECOND.