#it did in fact take me three rereads to understand

[lexisecretaccx]

A+ Student pt. 1

Other parts on my Masterlist!

(Fem Reader, Both Matt and Chris, they’re both ur teachers, suggestive, set in school, nothing too much yet😉 not proofread so idk if there’s mistakes sorry! everyone is 18+!)

Summary: Y/n is a great student in her college, always getting good grades. Her college professor Matt, thinks she can get even higher ones with some “extra credit.” That is until she meets her new gym teacher..

I hate this lecture, I sit almost at the front and the boys behind me always laugh at me every time I raise my hand or do anything. There’s only three girls in this whole lecture, including me. They’re all friends with eachother but I have nobody in here who likes me.

The only reason I’m not dropping the course is because my teacher, Professor Sturniolo is drop dead gorgeous. I’m not being dramatic, his bright blue eyes, slightly hidden behind the glasses he keeps rested on his nose. His sharp cheekbones, the jawline which is sometimes prickled with stubble. His hair is a dark brown colour, slightly curly sometimes, depends if it’s been raining or not.

He wear either these button up shirts, the first 3 buttons undone and a vest underneath or tight shirts, long sleeved, short sleeved. You name it. He always pairs the outfit with a silver chain dangling from around his neck. To say he is hot is an understatement.

The main reason I like him, (except his perfect features.) is the fact that he listens to what I have to say, I think I’m the only one who takes this course seriously. I understand English is a pretty boring subject to some but I enjoy it.

“She’s not listening to the lecture for once.” I hear one of the boys whisper behind me, I turn slightly and look at them through the corner of my eye. Professor Sturniolo was slightly late today so some other teacher came in to teach while we waited for him, I just can’t focus if he’s not the one teaching me.

All of a sudden the door flies open, “sorry guys I had a flat tire.” He spoke breathlessly as he walked over to the desk, the stand in teacher says his goodbyes and walking out the class. His hair is messy from the wind and it’s slightly wet due to the rain, his button up shirt fully unbuttoned, revealing the white vest underneath, and the chain in the same place as usual.

His sleeves are rolled up slightly revealing the tattoos on his arm. “Where did Professor Michaels get up to in the book?” He asks the class, everyone shrugs and he looks to me, “y/n?” He asks me and I break out of my daydream, “hm?” I say. He chuckles softly, “where did he get to in the book? What page?” He repeats himself.

I wasn’t paying attention to anything he had said, I was too deep in thought. “Oh, I wasn’t paying attention to him sorry.” I awkwardly laugh, luckily he laughed too, “that’s not like you at all,” he smiles, “but thanks for the honesty.” He nods, “you know what, there’s only 20 minutes left so just reread over notes or something. But first did you all do your homework?” Groans and sighs come from the class behind me, signalling that they didn’t.

“Come on guys it’s easy work I’m setting! Ok who has done it?” I raise my hand, his eyes flick to me quickly and I notice the corner of his mouth raise, two other boys raise their hands. He looks at them and his eyebrows raise before he smiles at the boys.

He walks up the lecture room steps slightly and picks up my homework from infront of me, he looks down at me and smiles, he briefly rests his hand on my shoulder slightly. “Good girl.” He whispers before patting my shoulder and walking up to the boys to collect theirs.

Butterfly’s erupt in my stomach from his words, he called me a good girl, that shouldn’t have caused me to subconsciously squeeze my thighs together. I stop myself and swallow harshly to try and brush off my reaction.

He walks back down to his desk and sets the small amount of homework down infront of him to mark. I pull out my notebook to check my notes and I look at him marking the homework, he’s smiling contently and his hand is gripping the pen gently, with the other hand his ring covered fingers flip over the page.

He looks up at me and nods at me before looking back down at the homework. The end of the lecture closes in as we only have 5 minutes left, he walks up to my desk and places my homework down infront of me, 99% is written at the top with a little smiley face next to it, I chuckle softly.

I flip over the page and there’s something written in the corner, speak to me after class, you aren’t in trouble. I look at it with confusion, “what the fuck I got 12%? I actually studied a bit for this stupid homework.” I hear one of the boys yell, “fuck this class man.” He adds. “If I didn’t have something to do after this lecture I’d tell you to stay behind, watch your mouth kid.” Professor Sturniolo spoke through gritted teeth.

What does he have to do? He told me to stay behind after class, but I’m not in trouble so what could it be?

The bell rings and everyone starts packing away and leaving.. except me, I neaten my notes since they’re scattered on the desk infront of me and I stay seated. After everyone left, Professor Sturniolo walked up to my desk and grabbed the chair from the desk infront and sat on it backwards, resting his arms on the bit where you usually lean your back on.

“I know I’m not in trouble but why am I staying behind?” I nervously ask him, fidgeting with my nails. “You’re a great student, probably the best in my class y/n,” he starts to say, smiling softly. “I was wondering if you would help Thomas in some of the lessons. If he doesn’t pass this semester he’ll have to be dropped from the school.”

“Thomas? The quiet kid? I didn’t know he was failing this class.” I reply, “but I’ll help him in the lectures, he can come sit by me.” I smile back at him, “thank you, that’s not the only reason I wanted you to stay behind though.” He smirks slightly.

“Oh? What’s up Profe-” he shushes me, “Call me Matt, Professor Sturniolo is too formal.” He chuckles, I nod before also laughing. “Okay, Matt.. why do you want me to stay here?” I ask, leaning my cheek on my hand.

He swallows nervously and looks at the clock on the wall, “you got flustered.” He spoke. I tilt my head in confusion until I realise what he’s talking about and my cheeks flush red. “Uh..” I stutter. “It’s ok.” He nods at me smirking, I feel his hand on my knee from the other side of the desk. My leg tenses up by the sudden touch.

“I said what I said y/n, you are a good girl. You always listen and answer questions the others fail to answer, and you always pay attention to me.” I feel a shift in the air as a tension builds around us, I nod softly. “Thank you.” I speak, not knowing what to say entirely.

He chuckles, “your overall grade for this semester is gonna be an A.. don’t tell the other students I told you yours yet.. ok?” He leans in and looks into my eyes with a stare I don’t recognise. The sexual tension grows, “why an A? I thought I was A+ grade? I was last semester.” I say confused. “You just haven’t done as well as last semester, you’ve still done so well and I’m proud but you could improve.” He smiles.

“I’m really trying my hardest I don’t think I can improve, what could I do to bump my grade up just slightly, like extra credit?” I ask in a needy tone, I need to get an A+ I promised my mom I’d get all A+ in English since she knows I’m great at it.

“What are you willing to do?” He asks, this time in a lower tone and he leans in slightly. “Anything!” I nod, “I really need an A+ I promised my mom I would.” I lean in and smile innocently. “You’d do anything?” Matts eyes flick to my mouth and back up to my eyes.

The realisation hits me and I lean back quickly, not realising how close we actually got. I look at him with an eyebrow raised slightly, “were you implying that..” I breathe in nervously. “That I..” I stutter. “Hey y/n calm down it’s ok.” He grabs my hand and nods reassuringly. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable I thought that it was something you would want.. I know it’s wrong I’m sorry.” He studies my face.

I want to kiss him and touch him in places others haven’t even seen, but it’s wrong. He’s my professor, yes it’s wrong but not illegal. I’m 18. “I do want it.” I whisper, looking down at my lap. He lifts my chin with his finger, “do you?” He smirks, standing up from his seated position.

I nod, “yes.” I smile up at him. “Good girl.” He whispers, walking around to the side of my seat, “the next lecture is starting soon, but take this.” He grabs my pen from the desk and starts to scribble on a spare piece of paper. I look down at it to see he’s writing his number. After he wrote that he added, Text me :)

He pats my shoulder and starts to walk to the front of the class, I pack away my stuff, making sure to keep the little note safe. I can’t believe that something I’d been fantasising about is actually happening? I can’t let anyone know no matter how much I want to.

I walk down to the front of the class, giving a flirty wave to Professor Sturniolo before leaving the classroom. I pull out my phone and add in the number to a contact, “Matt” I named it. My next class is gym class. They always make us do gym with a male teacher, but today we have a new one apparently. “I’m telling you him and Professor Sturniolo are identical!” A boy says to his friend as he walks out of the gym class.

Identical? I remember Matt mentioning to the class that he’s a triplet but I didn’t know one of them was a teacher too. I walk into the locker room and change into my vest and very short booty shorts. It’s the only shorts I like and I haven’t been dresscoded for them, even though my ass is practically on show.

I walk into the gym class and sit down on the bench next to my only real friend, Lizzy. “Hey you okay?” She asks me as I walk over, “yeah why!” I say happily. “You just actually seem happy for once it’s strange but it’s also good!” She smiles at me. “Do you find Professor Sturniolo attractive?” I ask her randomly, I just wanna know if I’m the only one who’s so besotted with him.

“Meh, I don’t have him as a teacher, some girls like him but I don’t, he’s not my type though.” She shrugs, “who is your type?” I ask her, she shrugs again, “I don’t know but I just don’t find him hot.” She swallows harshly. My attention gets taken from her as the new teacher walks in.

He’s identical to Matt, but there’s a difference between them, this guy doesn’t have glasses or stubble. He scans the room, most the girls aren’t in gym class today I don’t know why. “Small class huh?” He chuckles, “it’s usually bigger some people just aren’t present.” I speak up. He instantly turns his head to face me.

We make eye contact, butterflies fill my stomach, he does look like Matt that’s why. “Oh okay thanks.” He smiles at me, “gather around y’all.” He calls to the class and we all oblige. “We’re gonna be doing dodgeball today, something simple.” He nods and again his eyes lock with mine briefly.

He clears his throat before we set up the two zones, it starts, me and Lizzy are on the same side. Mr Sturniolo starts to throw the dodgeballs to us, “what’s the betting she’s gonna be an A+ student in this class aswell.” A girl on my side whispers to her friend, “I think she fucks the teachers to get those grades!” The other one replies, they both laugh but I brush it off. As I’m throwing the dodgeballs at the other team one of the girls snatches the dodgeball out of my hand.

“Fuck off.” I say to her, “so scary..” She laughs back. I pick up a dodgeball and launch it at her, it smacks right into her nose and she falls to the ground. “Oh my god you bitch!” Her friend spoke to me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t expect it to hit her face!” I reply back, “Sir!” Her friend calls over Mr Sturniolo, I step back slightly and bump into someone, he turns me around by my shoulders and looks down at me. I had just walked back into Mr Sturniolo, “sorry.” I whisper, he pats my shoulders and let’s go of them, just how Matt does.

“What’s happened?” He looks down to Rachel lying on the ground holding her nose, “Rachel was be-” I go to speak but am cut off by her friend “y/n launched the dodgeball at Rachel’s face for no reason! She’s not even on the opposing team!” Her friend Jess leans down and helps Rachel up. “Take her to the nurse or something.” He spoke to Jess before shrugging. “I’ll talk with you after class okay?” He nodded to me.

I sigh, “okay.” I continue the game, less enthusiastic this time. The bell rings and we all go into the locker room to change back into our clothes, “I’ll talk to you later yeah?” Lizzy says to me and I nod, grabbing my bag and heading back into the gym class.

He’s sat on the bench on his phone, “hey Mr Sturniolo.” I say, his head flicks up to me and he smiles, putting his phone down next to him. “Call me Chris, please.” He pats the bench next to him for me to sit.

I sit down, “I’m sorry, she was being rude to me and assuming stuff, and I got mad I shouldn’t have done that.” I say sighing. “It’s okay, I heard her. She’s a bit dramatic if you ask me.” He laughs, “she’s taking the drama course I think.” I also laugh.

“I’m glad you actually understand and are apologetic for what you did though..” He smiles at me, I smile back and nod, our attention is drawn to the doors of the gym as they open and Matt walks through them, “Chris, Nick was wondering if you wanted to-” he pauses as he notices me sat there too.

“Hey..” he smiles at me, “hi.” I look at him and back at Chris, taking in their similarities but also their differences.

Chris pats my knee before standing up and walking to Matt, “one sec.” He whispers, smiling down at me. I see them talking but can’t hear. They laugh slightly before I make eye contact with Matt, my stomach filling with butterflies once more. “See you tomorrow or something y/n!” He calls to me and as Chris turns Matt does a slight wink, causing me to squeeze my thighs together lightly before relaxing them.

“Sorry for that interruption..” Chris laughs, “brothers am I right? Unless you don’t have any I’m not sure.” He slows down his sentence, I shrug. “I don’t have brothers, I had a step brother but his mom broke up with my dad, he’s a year younger than me so he really bugged me.” I chuckled lightly. “Matt said you’re a great student.” Chris spoke after a few seconds of silence.

“Yeah I’m pretty good at some subjects, depends on who’s teaching me and if I find the subject interesting.” I smile at him, “well hopefully you get good grades in this class, if not there’s ways you can get higher grades anyway.” He smirks before standing up. “I gotta set up for the next class but feel free to stay if you want, it’s lunch now isn’t it?” He asks me, and I nod “I gotta get going to meet Lizzy but I’ll see you next lesson.” I smile and he nods back.

As I walk out the class I think to myself, what could he have meant by ‘ways for me to get higher grades anyway’? Was he implying a similar thing to what Matt was? I don’t know but I’m intrigued to find out more..

A/n: how is everyone liking the start for this series, I haven’t done a love triangle fic or series before so I hope it’s gonna be good for u!! I am sorry but idk if I’m gonna finish the Mine series rn bc I do wanna focus on this one more but my posting schedule is fucked bc I’m so busy w revision and stuff but I’ll try and post as frequently as I can!!

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[justsigma-bsd]

A Blank Page, Torn From A Book Without Name

Well, I ended up trying to put the word salad in my head into actual, coherent words after all.

First of all, everything here is just my take on things. The theories and thoughts I've had on certain things. I don't think any of it is official, but if anything of it is, in fact, confirmed to be true or false, feel free to tell me!

Some of the panels were taken from a YouTube video, which I'll link at the bottom!

TW for: Human trafficking, dehumanization

Ok, so first things first, some of this stuff I've already written down a while back for writing reasons. I found some of my old notes, and noticed that, after rereading the panels, they make more sense than I previously thought.

Let's start here: what stands out the most to me isn't that he's in the desert, not even the ticket. No, it's the simple »[...] or even who I was«

Because who, indeed, is Sigma? Sigma does not have an identity. He has no history, no nothing. Just the clothes on his back, a ticket that seems to be useless and earrings, for some reason.

Without a name, you don't have an identity and without identity you don't have a name.

Then there is this, too:

»I gave myself a name. Sigma. A man of the casino«

I don't believe he had a name upon being created. I don't think he had one for a long time, because in the same panel that he mentions giving himself a name, he also mentions the casino- which came much, much later. Sigma existed for three years by the time the series started. However, the timeline is wonky as heck.

Because how long did he stay with the traffickers? How long was he on his own after escaping? How long ago did Fyodor find him? Questions upon questions, but since I've already mentioned the lack of a name and the traffickers, let's get to my thoughts on that, specifically:

»They captured and enslaved me« along with »And once they knew that I had a skill [...]« makes me wonder: how long did it take for them to find out?

I haven't researched anything about human trafficking, but it's basically slavery, from what I've gathered through the previous things I've heard and read. And he does say so himself, too.

Sigma, three days alive, spent his early life a slave. It's confirmed that he was shackled, seeing that he is wearing them in the panels.

(As a side note, I do believe that he has scars from the shackles around his wrist. He wears a tight, wrist-long turtleneck beneath his coat, and I think it's to hide the scars. Both from others and himself.)

His first human interaction was plain horrible. Did he know and understand that? Did he understand that this wasn't normal? I don't think he knew how wrong this was at first. I don't believe that he understood it immediately. If he didn't know who he was, why would he know that being treated like this is wrong?

I believe that he realized it at some point, but not as soon as it started. I think he lived like that for a while, thinking it was normal, before getting some sort of wake-up call. Perhaps through his ability, or a fellow prisoner. Maybe both, or neither.

He must've gotten whiplash, once people genuinely looked up to him when he was the manager at Sky Casino.

I also think that he, probably, does tend to forget that being treated like that is, in fact, not normal or okay. Our upbringing leaves some sort of mark on all of us, experiences define us, give us habits and a feeling of what's normal and what isn't.

Which means that his "normal" is skewed and he expects being used rather than kindness, probably even after learning that some people are genuinely kind. I'm guessing that his mindset is, due to that, a simple "If I'm alive I'm alright".

I don't think he'd complain about being treated wrong and or left behind, or admit when he's injured. Or at the very least attempt to keep it a secret as long as possible- especially from those he sees as authority figures.

However, I also think that he was isolated, as per this panel:

Not only the text, but also the background paint a picture that causes me to believe that.

I almost skimmed past this panel while making my analysis, before pausing and taking a closer look. I thought this was in Sky Casino at first, until I looked closer and realized three things:

1, the background does not match Sky Casino in the slightest

2, he isn't wearing shoes or his current outfit, but the old clothes he had when wandering the desert

3, the shadows aren't from the light of a window, they're bars from a cell

While I did believe before that the traffickers kept him isolated from others (due to wanting to keep him unaware of the wrongness of his situation as well as to make sure he doesn't learn things he should/other prisoners finding out things that Sigma got to know by accident), this sort of put the final nail in the coffin for me.

But, at some point, he did realize that it was wrong. Perhaps he'd had a bad feeling from the start. Maybe he hated being treated like this. Who knows? Point is, he escaped. This brings us back to this page:

»No matter how kind someone seemed, they used me and then tried to kill me for knowing too much«

Sigma, after escaping the traffickers, after escaping the life of a slave, probably still didn't know much about living.

And I firmly believe that Sigma is smarter than even he himself thinks. There's just one issue: Sigma is naive (at least in my eyes), and it's not even his own fault. He simply tried his best to survive, and what was the reason the traffickers kept him around? His ability, most likely.

Problem is that his ability truly is something people would love to exploit, and it seems as if they did. Which makes me believe that he has a talent for running into murderers thinking they're nice people, only to get a not-so-nice surprise.

»The last one to use me [...]«, this specific line is the reason why I believe Sigma to have been used a lot. We don't know how often, exactly, his ability was taken advantage of. But we know the latest person who did.

Fyodor was the last one to use him, which means that, at that point, he was probably used to it. Used to being treated like a pawn, and used to people trying to kill for knowing too much. And I believe that he was, quite plainly, exhausted.

Imagine, your entire life consists of being forced to aid others with crimes, with being shackled. You don't know the difference between working for someone and being used by someone.

If you were offered what you wanted most, wouldn't you accept, too? Even if you know that you're once again being used? I mean... this time around, you gain something for it. Doesn't that make it worth the risk?

It's a gamble Sigma took... and lost.

This page involves two quotes that give me pause:

»Don't you wish for a home?«

We don't know why or how he knows what a home and a family is, but he does. And he wants it. He says it was never within his reach. But it is perfectly clear to us, while reading the Sky Casino Arc, that he wants it. He wants a home and a family.

He'd rather sacrifice his own life than see Sky Casino fall. »Home« and »Family« are, to him, more important than staying alive. Because it's something he never had, and something he clings to. Simply because he doesn't have anything else.

»I, who was originally 'nothing'[...]«

Is the second line that makes me pause. Because like previously mentioned, Sigma was a slave with no name or identity of his own. We don't know when he found out about being created by the book (and I firmly believe that he found out one way or another), but I believe he didn't see himself as a human before, and this "confirmed" it for him.

Think about it, would traffickers care about their victims? Would they treat them as human beings? Call them by their name? What about a person who has no name to begin with?

He wasn't treated like a human being in the beginning, and thus considered himself nothing. Considered his home and "family" to be worth more than hid own life.

He was literally created from nothing. His story doesn't have a beginning. He has no memories prior to being created, he had no name nor identity. How his story will end is unknown. We don't know what's written on his page.

I believe this, combined with being with the traffickers, makes him doubt his humanity. Not only because he was created through the book, but also because for the first (months? Year?) of his life, he wasn't treated like a human.

His sense of self-worth is probably down in the dumps.

»In the end I never did understand what I was born for...«

I don't think he knows the details of his existence. The content of his page, the words that brought him into existence. He doesn't know why he was born/created. He doesn't know what things were predetermined.

He doesn't know what's real and what's just writing on a page.

Sigma, in three years of being alive, went through hell. He was enslaved, his ability was taken advantage of over and over, he was used by multiple people who all ended up trying to kill him and when he thought that he finally found a home? A family? It was taken away from him.

Genuinely, he needs a plate of cookies, a hug and a ton of therapy.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little analysis and theories? I never did something like this before, so criticism is welcome!

Here's also the link to the video from which I got the screenshots: https://youtu.be/KwsSvFYAKjA?si=R_IvH-S8GYut_hrG

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/749266210223489024/i-dont-care-about-what-xjz-did-but-the-idea-that#notes

Cooooooorrect me if I'm wrong. But this is about this: https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/748708287052218368/httpsolderthannetfictumblrcompost74823153155

Isn't it? Because that's literally the only post about XJZ and calling them out about the French stuff.

I've reread that post like three times now, and literally nowhere does it say "cultural appropriation". It's a critique of someone who IS a foreigner trying to educate people about the culture they live in, and people who actually do know more. XJZ has literally no ties to France or Europe. They're not French Chinese, they're not French Canadian. They're Chinese Canadian, and they have a really bad habit of arguing with French people who clear up actual facts about French history.

That has nothing to do with you ass-pulling the implication of "cultural appropriation", literally nothing in the OOOP even mentions that. In fact it seems to have absolutely nothing to do with this. It's not about cultural appropriation, it has to do with cultural and historical illiteracy of XJZ while trying to educate people through said illiteracy. This also does have something to do XJZ being someone who does factually not have any ties to France or French history, being a "mouthy foreigner" and "telling literal French people they're victims of propaganda and they're getting RS (Robespierre) and the French revolution all wrong," when people explain their own countries history and being a weird Frenchieboo about French politicians.

What has XJZ done to prove that they know more about the French Revolution or French history to try and educate others about these things beyond having a crush on that Politician and being into violent revolts? Like, what credentials do they have to tell everyone else they're wrong, even those educated in the specific field, while they themselves are correct with all their little headcanons and fluffy memes?

"someone having bad takes about a historical event that every country teaches in like middle school" You were taught something about French revolution, that doesn't mean it was taught well, or that you actually understand the historical, culture or after effects of that history in the actual country where it happened. Hell, even in the countries where something happened there's a habit that history is poorly taught, or not understood by the students, so what makes you think that what you learned about a foreign country was actually taught well or accurately? Or that you even understood the cultural significance to the people of that country when it was taught in middle school? That feels a bit like a weird thing to bring up anyhow, you were taught this in middle school, because that is going to make you an expert on it more so than people who live in that culture where the after-effects still exist, and/or people who actually studied that era of French history. Which again are people XJZ has quarrelled with and told them they're wrong all on the basis of their obsession.

And just to add this on, looking at the state of the internet and people in general, I really wouldn't flex with history education you received in school especially middle school, seeing as to how painfully historically illiterate people are to the point of not even being able to understand what they were taught. Historically literacy has literally been on a downward movement for some time now, especially with all the misinformation and uncritical acceptance of it by people.

Being culturally, historically and otherwise illiterate, and people calling them out for it is not the same as calling something "cultural appropriation", and by weaponizing and actually important term to defend their shit takes really isn't impressive. If you lie and/or misconstrue literal history, and people call you out on that it has nothing to do with calling "cultural appropriation" and everything to do with correcting historical misinformation, especially if it is something you have an actual understanding of. But I guess this also kinda explains the level of historical illiteracy that exists on the web, if there are more people like you out there.

--

[marie-swriting]

Trust You - Stiles Stilinski

Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Summary : Your trust issues are getting worse as they start ruining your relationship with Stiles.

Warnings : hurt/comfort, angst, trust issues, mention of cheating parent, bad relationship with parents, self-sabotage, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.5k

French Version

Song inspiration : Emails I Can't Send by Sabrina Carpenter

‘Sorry, I’ll have to cancel tonight, I’m so tired because of lacrosse.’

You reread Stiles’ message at least three times before answering him with a simple ‘don’t worry, get some rest’. Even if your message seems insignificant, but your insecurities hide behind it.

Everytime Stiles can’t hang out with you because something comes up, a small voice comes talking to you just to scare you : ‘He doesn’t love you. He’s still in love with Lydia. He went to meet her. Or maybe he’s with Malia. Either way, he’s not with you. He cancelled to see another girl and spend the night with her because you’re not good enough.’. And lately, Stiles has cancelled a lot of dates, giving that small voice more strength. You’re struggling to not listen to it, but it can be convincing. You think Stiles would never hurt you, he’s loyal, but your fear is bigger than your trust.

That night, instead of being in your boyfriend’s reassuring embrace, you don’t sleep. You lay in your bed, hugging a pillow and letting tears wetting your cheeks. When your alarm rings, the idea of lying to your parents about being sick is really tempting for about a second, but you don’t want to stay in this house that hasn’t been a home for a week now. You need to leave, so you get out of bed and get ready for school.

When you arrive at Beacon Hills High, Stiles comes to you in an instant. He apologises again before taking you in his arms. You try to not show anything even if this small voice comes back in your head : ‘He’s probably not really sorry for looking elsewhere. He’s going to leave you for Lydia soon.’. You shake your head to chase it away unsuccessfully. During the morning, you stay silent and Stiles starts to worry. He noticed since the second you arrived something was wrong, but he is sure something’s up when lunch break comes. Indeed, you eat quickly and leave right after, pretending you have an assignment to do ; Stiles understands something's wrong with you even though he doesn't know what or why. In fact, you left when Lydia talked about what happened when she was at Stiles’, the day before. You felt a lump in your throat and you needed to be away from Lydia and Stiles. You ran away to the bathroom to cry freely. Your mind keeps torturing you, the voice was right : he wants to leave you for Lydia. He lied to you. You cry until the bell rings.

For the remainder of the day, Stiles tries to talk to you, in vain. You avoid him while your sadness slowly turns into anger. Though, Stiles is stubborn so he proposes to drive you home. For a moment, you want to refuse, but you need to confront him so you accept. You quickly send a message to your mom, telling her she doesn’t need to come pick you up. On the way home, you’re lost in your thoughts, trying to find the best way to talk to Stiles. As for him, Stiles drives nervously. When he parks in front of your home, you finally decide to not talk to him, wanting to avoid a new argument. You’re about to leave the Jeep when he holds you back. You look at him, fearing what he might say. Maybe the voice was right : you’re not good enough, he wants someone else, he’s already found someone else.

“Y/N, what’s the matter ?” He genuinely asks.

“Nothing.” You lie, making his eyes roll.

“I know you, there’s something wrong.”

You look at him for a second, weighing pros and cons before choosing to confront him.

“Why did you cancel last night ?”

“I told you, I was tired because of lacrosse.”

“You could have come to my place anyway. It’s not like we were gonna party. You know, if you wanted to be somewhere else or hang out with someone else, you could just have told me.”

“What are you talking about ? After school, I went home and slept.” He wants to know, frowning.

“Really ? So why didn’t you tell me you saw Lydia ?” You retort, crossing your arms on your chest.

“She just came for a few minutes, she needed to pick up something.”

“What thing ?”

“A book for school.”

“You couldn’t have given it to her today ?”

“She needed it to do her homework for today.”

“You could’ve told me.”

“Y/N, she stayed five minutes. I don’t need to tell you everything I’m doing.” He defends himself and you laugh humorlessly.

“You cancelled our night and Lydia came to your place, I think I have the right to know.”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of it ? It was for school.”

“I’m not making a big deal, but you lied to me.” You insist, pointing at him with your finger.

“I didn’t lie to you, when she left I went straight to bed because I was tired.”

“And when were you gonna tell me she came to your place ?”

“I didn’t think it was that important. Honestly, Y/N, why are you always so tense whenever Lydia comes up ?” He questions and you try to keep a neutral face.

“I just don’t like the way she’s glued to you.”

“She’s not glued to me.”

“Yes, she is, but how could you notice ? You’re too busy admiring her to notice it.”

“What are you even talking about ?”

“I’m just saying you’re really close to Lydia and almost every time you’ve cancelled it has been to see her.” You explain and Stiles runs his hand over his face, frustrated.

“She’s a friend.”

“Before you wanted more.”

“Yeah ‘before’, like you said. Why do you always mention the feelings I had for her ? Nothing ever happened and nothing will ever happen with her.” Stiles affirms.

“You should keep that in mind and tell her as well.”

“Y/N, honestly, I don’t see the problem.”

“I’m just stating a fact : Lydia is always glued to you so admit it.”

“Admit what ?” He demands, annoyed.

“You know what.”

“No, really I don’t.”

“Don’t take me for a fool, Stiles.” You order, dryly.

“What are you accusing me of ?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Yet it feels like it. And it’s not the first time you do that. Everytime we argue, you mention Lydia, or even Malia, even when they don’t have anything to do with it.”

“What are you insinuating ? I’m annoying ? I’m overreacting ?” You snap, on the defensive.

“I’m just saying I feel like you’re accusing me of being too close to Lydia even though I didn’t do anything.”

“But you’d want to.”

“Honestly, at that point, yeah, like that I’d know what you’re accusing me of.”

As soon as Stiles says his sentence, his eyes open wide as he realises what he just said. Your eyes get teary but you’re holding them back.

“Y/N, I-” He tries to say but you cut him off.

“Fuck you.”

You take your bag and leave the Jeep before slamming the car door and running to your home. Stiles hesitates for a second to follow you but decides to not do anything, knowing you won’t listen to him. You go to your room and lock yourself in. Angry tears run down your cheeks while you’re trying not to scream. You’ve already argued with Stiles before. Several times. Too many times, even. But he never went that far. All of this because you pushed him over the edge, but he did admit that if he could, he’d go to Lydia. You throw yourself on your bed, take your pillow and you yell in it. You let all your rage leave your body while your sobs become stronger and stronger. You keep telling yourself you’ve ruined everything because of your insecurities, you let them talk so much that you’ve ended up pushing Stiles in Lydia’s arms. You ruined everything because you have trust issues. It seems like you haven’t been able to give your trust for the past two years. After crying for an hour, you start breathing slowly to calm down. When you finally have a normal heart rate again, your bedroom’s door opens, letting you see your dad.

“We need to talk, Y/N”, your dad starts but you don’t answer, “You can’t keep ignoring me, Y/N, please.”

“Not today, I don’t have the strength.” You sigh standing up from your bed.

“No, it can’t wait anymore, we need to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to say. Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.” You try to push him away, but he doesn’t move.

“Too bad, because we’re gonna talk.”

Understanding he’s not going to let go, you pass by him and leave your room.

“Come back here.” Your dad orders behind you.

“No.”

“For how long are you going to stay mad at me ?”

“‘Til the day you’ll be able to change the past.” You scream while walking to the living room.

“God, Y/N, even your mom forgave me.”

“And she shouldn’t have”, you explode, looking your dad in the eyes, “If it were me, I would have never forgiven you as quickly. Or at all.”

“Please, I don’t like to see my little girl angry at me.”

Your dad tries to softly put his hand on your cheek but you step back. You see the hurt in his eyes but you don’t care.

“Maybe you should’ve thought about it before destroying our family in one selfish night and I forbid you from calling me ‘your little girl’.”

“That night was a mistake. I regret it.”

“Is that the truth or a lie, like the time you pretended you were sleeping so you missed our family night ?” You interrogate, pretending to be clueless.

“Y/N, I’m sincerely sorry for the way I lied.”

“Don’t say sorry now, it’s too late.”

“Please, I’m trying to take a step towards you.” He begs, making you angrier.

“I don’t care. The fact is you let us down for some woman ! Because of what you did, mom was in the depth of despair. You made her suffer and you hurt me too. I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I know and I’ll spend the rest of my life resenting myself for it.”

“So you can understand why I don’t want to forgive you. You don’t know what it feels like to see the person you looked up to destroy the confidence you had. Now I can’t even look at you !” You retort, feeling the tears coming back and your dad looks down, ashamed.

“At least, tell me what I can do to fix this.”

“There’s nothing to do. I wish there was but you can’t do anything. You tore our family apart and I hate you for it. You talked about respect, fidelity and it didn’t stop you from betraying mom.”

You’re panting because of your anger. You take a second to try and calm yourself down before adding with a harsh tone “You disgust me. You’re such a dipshit.”

“You can be angry but I forbid you from talking to me like that !”

At the same time your dad reprimands you, you hear someone knocking on the door. You’re breathing quickly while you’re walking to the entrance. You turn back to your dad one last time “I don’t give a fuck.”

As you open the door, you find Stiles. You look at him and suddenly your tears roll down your cheeks. He smiles at you awkwardly, not knowing what to do because of what he just heard.

“Can we leave, please ?”

He hears your broken voice, Stiles doesn’t waste a second before taking your hand and walking you to his Jeep. Your dad follows you, ordering you to come back. As a response, you flip him the bird while Stiles starts his car.

You drive in silence. Your anger towards your genitor cools down, but you still feel a pain in your chest because of your discussion. You never would have thought you’d say those kind of awful things to your dad, but you also never would have thought he’d hurt you, both you and your mom. You try to wipe your cheeks but they become wet again a second later.

After driving for thirty minutes, Stiles pulls over next to a park. He looks at you with sympathy, trying to find a way to start the conversation. You take several breaths before looking at him.

“Wanna talk about it ?” Stiles questions with a soft voice.

“There’s not a lot to say”, you sniff, “I guess you heard everything.”

“Just when you insulted him.” He confirms while he offers you a tissue.

“He deserved it.”

You take the tissue and wipe away your tears before blowing your nose.

“Why did you come to my place ?” You start again.

“I… I wanted to apologise. I shouldn’t have said I wanted to be with Lydia. First of all because it’s not true, but also because I hurt you. I feel bad because I caused you pain.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Stiles.” You state with a small voice.

“Of course I do ! I was being mean when I said that.” he retorts, mad at himself.

“I pushed you over the edge. I’m always trying to find you flaws to turn them against you, even though you did nothing wrong. I hurt you because I can’t trust. It’s my fault if you said that.”

“You didn’t force me to say it.”

“I made you mad to force you to admit something that isn’t true. I’m sorry for always blaming you of cheating on me with Lydia. I know you’re honest, but I can’t help but be afraid.” You admit, ashamed.

“You feel threatened by Lydia ?” He asks, trying to understand.

“If it wasn’t her, it’d be Malia and if it wasn’t her, it’d be another one. I… I’m just so afraid you’re going to look elsewhere.”

“Does it have something to do with what I heard ?”

As a response, you nod. You stay silent for a second, wondering if you should talk to him about it. Finally, you tell yourself you’ve probably already ruined everything so it’s better to admit it.

“My dad cheated on my mom two years ago. She discovered it a few months after that and then, she broke up with my dad. When I learned the truth, I had so much hatred towards him.”, you inform and you feel the tears coming back, “I never would have thought he’d do something like that. But I think the worst part was watching my mom when she learned about it. She didn’t leave her bed for a week, she was almost eating nothing. I tried to take care of her as much as I could. Never I’d thought I’d see my mom like that. When she started feeling better, we moved here. She wanted to be as far away from my dad as she could and honestly, I wanted the same.”

“Your dad came back to see you ?”

“No, my mom forgave him”, you explain, rolling your eyes, “They got back together four months ago. When she told me, I got so mad. How could she act as if nothing happened when he hurt her that much ? When he hurt us that much ? He came back home a week ago and since then, it’s been tense. I try to avoid him as much as I can, but he absolutely wants to talk to me and you saw how it generally ends up.”, you say with a fake laugh, “Anyway, that’s why I’m always afraid. Since his betrayal… I can’t have faith in people anymore.”, you admit while looking at your hands, “At least, until I met you. And even if I do, it’s not 100%. I’m always afraid you’ll hurt me, like he did. My parents were so in love and my dad was so respectful towards my mom, I never would have imagined he could cheat on her and now, I’m scared the same thing will happen to me.” You unveil looking at him, hoping he’ll understand. “And I know you gave me zero reason to doubt you, but my dad also gave my mom zero reason to doubt him and it didn’t stop him. I know I’m villainising you, trying to make up love affairs, but I can’t help it. Because of my dad, I can’t help but imagine the worst. I know I’ve always been the cause of our fights and because of that, I hurt you a lot but I swear to you, I don’t want to hurt you and even less ruin our relationship, but I can’t do it differently. I feel like I can’t love right and I hate that.” You cry.

Stiles cups your face, trying to wipe away your new tears. You close your eyes when you feel his touch, liking your closeness.

“Y/N, it’s okay.” He mutters and you break the embrace.

“No, it’s not.”, you affirm, “I’m ruining our relationship because of my stupid fears, my relationship with my dad isn’t going to be fixed soon and even my relationship with my mom is not for the better now and I have so much anger in me.”

“It’s normal, you’re hurt. You have the right to be angry.” Stiles assures you and you shake your head.

“But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life angry, especially if I end up hurting you because of it. And also, I’m not only mad at my dad, but also at myself.”

“Why ?”

“Even if my dad fucked up, I still love him. Earlier I told him I hated him to hurt him, but I didn’t mean it. I wish I could, but I can’t and at the same time, I can’t forgive him.” You sob.

“We’re talking about your dad, it’s okay to be mad at him and still love him.”

“Do you think I should pardon him ? After all, my mom did it and he asked for forgiveness several times.”

“I can’t make that decision for you. Do it only if you feel the need. Your dad betrayed you, he has no right to force you if you don’t want to do it. Your mom made that choice, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same.”

“But what if it was the solution to move on and finally be able to fully trust you ?”

“I think you should work on yourself first to know if you need to forgive him or if you can trust again without it.”

“But what about us ?” You whisper, fearing his response.

“We’ll do what you want. I… I’d understand if you want to break up with me to focus on your family problems.” He states, even if the idea of being away from you scares him.

“I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you, Stiles. Right now, you’re the person I trust the most, even if it doesn’t look like it. I don’t want to do it alone, I need you next to me.”

“Alright, I’ll stay then.” Stiles smiles, wiping a tear from your cheek. “But from now on, I want you to talk with me. I don’t want you to stay alone, torturing yourself by imagining the worst. When you feel like it’s becoming too much, come talk to me, okay ?”

“Okay. Thank you Stiles. Not only for listening to me, but also for not giving up on me, despite everything I put you through.”

“You’re worth it.” He affirms and you look at him with tenderness in his eyes.

“And I’m really sorry for everything I said.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

You throw yourself in Stiles’ arms, needing his comfort. When he holds you tighter, you finally let go of a sigh and your shoulders relax a bit, as if every tension from your body were gone. Stiles strokes your back, hoping to calm you down a little bit more. You hide your head in the crook of his neck, wanting to feel his presence. Even if it was nerve wracking, you know now you needed to talk to him about your dad and your fears. Talking to him about it allowed you to realise your trust in him has become a little bit stronger. Now, you’re sure Stiles would never hurt you. He knew how to be patient and didn’t give up on you, even if you gave him every reason to. You’re grateful for having him next to you. You know, one day, you’ll trust him entirely.

Masterlist

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{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[thatfanficstuff]

if you're still taking gif drabbles, the above for Chris Argent/Reader/Peter Hale? Yes, I did just reread all of them. :)

I love that particular grouping. Have some fluff.

For Me?

Chris Argent x Reader x Peter Hale

Your boys were acting suspicious. They had been for weeks truth be told. Conversations that ended when you walked in the room. Huddling in the corner to talk without being overheard.

They were doing it again at Derek's loft as you sat on the couch with your arms crossed over your chest and glared at them with narrowed eyes.

Derek laughed when he saw you. "Why don't you just ask them what's going on?"

"I'm trying to give them their space. Trying being the keyword."

A few minutes later, Peter came over and offered you a hand to get off the couch. You let him pull you up and into his chest. "Let's get you home, sweetheart."

You weren't really paying attention to the drive so you were surprised when Chris pulled up in front of a little stone house. Light shone from the windows making it look warm and inviting.

"What's this?" you asked.

Chris gave you a lopsided smile. "Just a quick stop, baby. Come on."

They entered the house without knocking and dragged you from room to room to show you everything. Hardwood and exposed beams were everywhere, interspersed with warm colors and bright light. You loved it but you still didn't understand why you were here.

"What do you think?" Peter asked once you'd completed the tour.

"I love it. Who lives here?"

"You do," Chris answered. He grinned when he saw the stunned look on your face.

"Come again," you said.

Peter laughed. "It's yours, sweetheart. We bought it for you."

You were absolutely flabbergasted that they would do something like this for you. "Why?"

"Because your apartment is too small for three people and not in the greatest neighborhood." Chris stepped forward and pulled you toward him with his hands on your hips. "You needed a home."

"You did this for me?" You were having trouble grasping that fact.

Peter kissed your temple, one of his arms wrapped around your hips just about Chris' hold. "We did it for all of us," he corrected. "It's your house but we were kind of hoping to live here with you."

A large smile curved your lips until it was almost painful. When you dreamed about your future, your happiness, this is what you dreamed about. With no warning, you jumped into Chris' arms and wrapped your legs around his hips.

He stumbled backward at the sudden motion with a laugh.

"Yes, yes, yes," you yelled where you had your face buried against his neck. Then you slammed your mouth against his in a kiss.

He kept you supported as he returned and deepened the kiss. After a moment, he broke away. "Where's mine?" Peter said, his voice tinged with happiness.

Chris lowered you to your feet and you gave Peter the same treatment. "I take it you're happy?" he asked you after kissing your forehead.

You turned your head to grin at Chris while still wrapped in Peter's arms. "This is my fairytale and you two are my happily ever after. I'm ecstatic."

[evilwickedme]

Ooh, do you have any good Jason fic recs?

anon I cannot tell you how long I've been waiting to see those words!!!! yes I have good Jason fic recs in fact I have so many good Jason fic recs that after narrowing it down I still have fifteen links for you

I have read more fanfic for Jason Todd than maybe any other character ever. I do not understand the hold this man has on me but it's simply the situation we're in. anyway

Jason comes home fics

Make a Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is hands down my favorite. I'm talking favorite DC fic, top fics of all time period, not just from this list. I love this fic series. It is actively and regularly updating, thank fuck, because that little boost of serotonin is everything keeping me going I swear

The 70 Days After Groundhog Day is technically from Dick's POV, but it's about the aftermath of a timeloop that Jason was stuck in. it's. oh my god it's so good. just trust me on this one.

Emotional Motion Sickness is the "bruce goes to therapy" fic series we all want. canon get on this level

Retrograde Motion - I never used to like de-aging fics; not for any particular reason, I just never vibed with them. Recently I decided to see what all the fuss was about (bc there's so goddamn many in this fandom) and I'm glad, because I opened this fic and it's just. oh my god. the use of the de-aging trope here is truly incredible. after a whole week of dipping my feet into the trope I never need to do so again, because this fic made me fucking lose it. this is not going where you think it's going. also, for some reason there's not that much rebirth outlaws fic, and I really like what this author did with that team

matching wounds haha just gonna sneak my fic series on here and pretend that it was an accident, wait how did that get there (some jayroy later in the timeline too which can be read on its own if Jason coming home fics aren't for you)

other non-ship

Too Much Fucking Salt deals with the straw that broke the camel's back. I've read all 22k words of this in one sitting more than once. this is the anti "Jason Todd comes home" fic (this is in itself a whole genre of fic too honestly).

take his name out of your mouth (you don't deserve to mourn) is about Jason mourning himself, which he fucking deserves to. also he smokes a joint with Dick

Sown in Winter is about Jason pulling himself out of a depressive episode partially through the power of Stardew Valley. also technically jayroy, but it's honestly incidental to the story for the most part imo

JayRoy

I do read other ships for Jason but unabashedly this is my favorite, so

A Solid Resume - competency kink. that's all I have to say.

Tenderize is a series of oneshots all of which slowly build Jason and Roy's life together and coparenting lian and I just !!! could also double as a Jason coming home au but honestly that's mostly in the first fic. also a lot of discussion of various chain grocery stores in the united states that I will probably never actually step foot in

Dick Grayson and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Two to Three Weeks (But Who's Counting) is so fucking funny I die every time I reread this. there's a scene early on in a coffee shop that just. I don't even know what to say everything about this is perfect. I AM the girl sticking her nose in their business, at least spiritually.

dust devils on the horizon isn't even the only western au I've bookmarked for these two. something about jayroy and horses, man

unity of time: april 27th, 2020 is just,,,, super sad, man, idk what to tell you. it's f!jayroy, but happens after Roy died in sanctuary during the 24h of Jason's death day, so all of it is very fucking depressing. It's also fucking beautiful. I want to reread it now.

Promise After That I'll Let You Go is a poisonivory fic. I was introduced to poisonivory through the daredevil fandom earlier this year and may I tell you when I found out that this author writes for jayroy I lost my goddamn mind. this is my personal favorite, but I almost recommended at least two more aus. Their jayroy sugar daddy au is one of the only sugar daddy aus I've ever truly enjoyed. also really like the one where roy has had feelings for dick since their teen titans days but still starts a fwb thing with Jason. poisonivory can make me into kinks I'm not even into I s2g. anyway this one has lian literally dragging roy back into jason's life

finally, Reciprocation (or: Sex as Violence) shouldn't even really count as a jayroy fic but I feel weird putting it in the other category since it is sort of a jayroy fic. it's ace-aro!jason, which is one of my personal favorite interpretations of Jason (with so much textual evidence wtf), but there's still like... a lot of sex in this. Jason does not have a healthy relationship with sex in this fic. I would describe this as ending in a QPP for jayroy and lian.

honestly there's a lot of good jason and roy and lian fic out there I didn't rec cause this is already long enough

so yeah this is my very VERY pared down fic rec list for Jason Todd let me know if you want more and thank you so much for asking

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - DD - May 24

It’s officially Suitor Squad time!!!!!!!!!! Truly a beloved letter from our dear Lucy.

So we now know our girl has a September birthday and that she’s currently 19! I’m not a Zodiac girlie, but I’d love to see the discourse on whether she fits the type of a Virgo or Libra more (I have my guess, but I won’t say).

“Here am I, who shall be twenty in September, and yet I never had a proposal till to-day, not a real proposal, and to-day I have had three. Just fancy! THREE proposals in one day! Isn't it awful! I feel sorry, really and truly sorry, for two of the poor fellows. Oh, Mina, I am so happy that I don't know what to do with myself.”

I love the way she writes in this letter, because it feels like the way she probably talks — very enthusiastic and just saying the first thing that comes to mind. Not in a bad way, just impulsive! Also, notice how she says “not a real proposal” — I wonder what that means. The fanfic potential is endless…

I love the modernity coming through with the “THREE proposals in one day!” and then saying she feels awful for two of the men (already implying she accepted one suit), as well as saying in the next sentence saying how perfectly happy she is. How very Lucy of her!!!! /pos

“But, for goodness' sake, don't tell any of the girls, or they would be getting all sorts of extravagant ideas and imagining themselves injured and slighted if in their very first day at home they did not get six at least. Some girls are so vain! You and I, Mina dear, who are engaged and are going to settle down soon soberly into old married women, can despise vanity. Well, I must tell you about the three, but you must keep it a secret, dear, from every one, except, of course, Jonathan. You will tell him, because I would, if I were in your place, certainly tell Arthur.”

A lot to take in here! So, of course by the “girls”, she must mean their former classmates and friends they keep in contact with. I know it sounds kind of pick-me-girl-ish of Lucy, but we all know that one person who wants to one-up you, so I get the need for secrecy. Plus, Lucy’s reputation with her mom will be dampened by this and might be led to think she ENCOURAGED three men to propose to her all on the same day (oh, what’s that? Hollywood producers have been portraying her as doing just that for years? My case stands.). Of course, she understands the need for Mina to tell Jonathan about this — who she likely assumes is already home with Mina since it’s been more than a week since Mina’s last letter :’(((( — and then she drops who’s proposal she accepted — to no one’s surprise, it’s Arthur!

I don’t know why, but the first time I read this part of the story, I guess I just skimmed over that part? Because I genuinely didn’t think she mentioned Arthur until the last possible second.

But rereading it here, she writes as if she can’t contain herself, like yes she wants to tell Mina about the three proposals — because why wouldn’t you tell your bestie about the THREE PROPOSALS IN ONE DAY — but she can’t help and drop the fact that yes, she’s engaged to Arthur, and yes, she’s as excited as Mina to be “old married women” who “despise vanity”. At least, that’s what I’m picking up. I think it’s another one of those things where the Dracula Daily memes gave me a Mandela effect of Lucy talking endlessly about everyone except Arthur, which she kind of does, but she doesn’t neglect him entirely.

On to the first proposal!!

“I told you of him, Dr. John Seward, the lunatic-asylum man, with the strong jaw and the good forehead.”

This sentence lives rent-free in my head. I absolutely love it. “Yes Mina, dear, the lunatic-asylum man with the good facial features, I would’ve set you up with him if you weren’t engaged already!” Strong start to this rollercoaster.

Previously she had described him as “imperturbable”, but she seems to have heavily amended that statement. Here, she describes him as nothing but nervous, almost sitting on his hat and…playing with a knife?!?!?! Seward, that’s not…how you….ok….she said he was “playing with it in a way that nearly made [her] scream” and I don’t blame her one bit — I would too!

What’s interesting about John’s proposal is that he doesn’t mince words here. He simply tells her she makes him happy and is dear to him, so marry him maybe? It does lean to this side of guilt-trippy when he starts to tell her that if she doesn’t care for him, he’ll be unhappy, until she *actually starts crying* because that’s the kind of empathetic person Lucy is!!!

That’s when John’s caring side comes out. He immediately chastises himself and promises not to add to her troubles. I wonder if, perhaps, he asked a colleague for advice on proposals and they gave him some ill-informed idea on how to “lightly encourage” (read: guilt-trip) a woman into accepting your suit.

It could have very well been his own idea (those who have read Dracula Daily before will know Seward is not as naturally empathetic as, say, Lucy); the only reason I think this is because he’s also socially awkward (if fidgeting with a knife didn’t give it away) and I could very well see him going to a colleague asking for advice on how to ask for a lady’s hand in marriage from someone who’s done it before.

This is when I think if he has been taking advice from someone, he stops and starts speaking from the heart.

“Then he broke off and asked if I could love him in time; and when I shook my head his hands trembled, and then with some hesitation he asked me if I cared already for any one else. He put it very nicely, saying that he did not want to wring my confidence from me, but only to know, because if a woman's heart was free a man might have hope.”

Awwwwwww his hands trembled?? 🥺 I’m so sorry Seward…this genuinely hurts to read. Although, just because someone doesn’t have another person they’re interested in doesn’t mean they’ll automatically grow to like you back — “might” being the operative word here, I suppose.

What I do love here is how well he takes it once she informs him she does love someone else. He simply takes her hands, looks into her eyes and asks her to count him as one of her best friends. This is still sad for Lucy, however, because while he has done this, she still feels like she’s “lost” him in a way and he still walks away with a broken heart, causing her to cry all over again, and defer finishing the letter. :(

Again, it just shows what a kind person Lucy is that even while she feels happy, she still can feel so upset on behalf of another person. That’s one of the things I love the most about her!!!

On to the next proposal!

Happy (belated) Quincey P. Morris Day!!!! Everyone get out your cowboy hats and get ready to lasso yourself into a world of fun with this cowboy. <3

Quick note: It looks like Arthur visited her and that’s what caused her to be able to finish her letter by lifting her spirits. So he must’ve visited her twice in one day, since she already knew about the proposal when she first started the letter? Ugh, love that for her!

“I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to make a girl love me. No, I don't, for there was Mr. Morris telling us his stories, and Arthur never told any, and yet—— My dear, I am somewhat previous.”

Hehehehe oh, Lucy!!! Even when talking about this dear cowboy and his stories you can’t help but bring up Arthur.

Quincey exaggerates/makes up his American slang just for her!!! That’s adorable.

“'Miss Lucy, I know I ain't good enough to regulate the fixin's of your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit. Won't you just hitch up alongside of me and let us go down the long road together, driving in double harness?'”

If I’m not proposed to in this goofy — yet sincere — way I 👏 don’t 👏 want 👏 it. But I do love that once he sees that Lucy doesn’t *seem* to understand this approach, he becomes more serious and earnestly asks for her hand with a series of beautiful words.

Of course, Quincey can perceive this isn’t going the way he would hope and asks if she is otherwise engaged of the heart to which — poor Lucy!!! — she cries once more.

“Why can't they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble?”

And so the polycula is formed!!! Hehe, but to be fair, I do read this in the camp of Lucy being a chronic people-pleaser who wants to make everyone happy and hates refusing Seward and Quincey. As someone who is also a people-pleaser, I can relate — I too often have things I wish I could do to just “save me the trouble” of having difficult conversations with people. But also, polycula, I’m excited to see what all of the fanfics and fanart that y’all come up with this year lol!

“‘Yes, there is some one I love, though he has not told me yet that he even loves me.’”

“‘If that other fellow doesn't know his happiness, well, he'd better look for it soon, or he'll have to deal with me…’”

“‘Won't you give me one kiss? It'll be something to keep off the darkness now and then. You can, you know, if you like, for that other good fellow—he must be a good fellow, my dear, and a fine fellow, or you could not love him—hasn't spoken yet.'”

I love this so much. I love that Lucy feels comfortable enough to confide in Quincey that she’s worried about Arthur’s reciprocation of feelings and he reassures her that a) she will make Arthur’s happiness and if he doesn’t get that, Quincey will intervene (in more ways than one, I’ll wager ;)) and b) he’s not jealous of Arthur and thinks of him as a good man, why else would Lucy love him?

I honestly think him asking for a kiss — and Lucy giving him one — is adorable because it’s done in a way where it doesn’t feel forced or that Lucy is uncomfortable. I think of it as a kiss goodbye or a kiss of what could have been, or, as Quincey himself puts it, a kiss sealing their friendship! No matter what way you read it, it’s sweet and I love this moment.

“Oh, about number Three—I needn't tell you of number Three, need I? Besides, it was all so confused; it seemed only a moment from his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was kissing me. I am very, very happy, and I don't know what I have done to deserve it.”

I know we all make memes about this passage — and for good reason, but the way I interpret her not wanting to talk about Arthur’s proposal is that it’s too intimate to her. Do you know those moments where something so wonderful has happened that you just want to keep it all to yourself? Even though you know you need to tell the loved ones in your life the good news and they’ll want to know everything? I know I do! I think this is part of what Lucy is feeling here, but she doesn’t want to tell Mina that per se; after all, she just wrote to her about longing to be back together and sharing their deepest secrets. So, I think she chooses to lightheartedly brush this moment off with a “oh yes and btw Arthur proposed, you don’t need the details, right? I don’t remember half of them myself!”

I think that’s why she makes so much of describing Quincey and John’s proposals — both to make up for her lack of detail when it comes to Arthur’s proposal, and, perhaps, to distract from it as well. That’s just my interpretation, though, I’d love to hear what you think!

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

hi hi hi

this was just an idea that popped into my head & I had to share !!

ok first of all I love ur “I love to hate you” piece but I was thinking, what if the reader caught on after the first couple of time Draco compliments/flirted with them & they start to flirt with them back…reader doing this only because Draco started this of course *wink wink*

idk but I’ll that sexual tension 👀🥵

Thanks for your request! I´m so sorry that this took me literally forever to write. I had already started writing, but then I took a break for a few weeks and when I reread it I didn´t like it anymore, so I rewrote it. I feel like I still have to get into writing again first, so this probably isn´t my best work, but I hope you´ll like it anyway. Also, I loved the request and I had so much fun writing it both times.

Fanged Geraniums

“Add powdered moonstone, stir three times counterclockwise, allow to simmer for seven minutes, then add two drops of syrup of hellebore.”; Professor Snape´s voice sneered through the classroom. “You also have to start cutting your mandrakes within the next few minutes if you still want this potion to be anything but disappointing.”

You sighed. The draught of peace was for sure a very useful potion, but very difficult to make. Especially, when Professor Snape hovered over you all the time like an inordinately large bat. You could always feel his piercing gaze and foul breath on your neck, whenever he patiently awaited you to make a mistake. Which unfortunately happened rather often. It wasn’t like you were that bad in potion class, but since you happened to be a Gryffindor, he lurked for even the smallest mistakes, always greedy to take any points possible from you. He would for sure have ignored most of them if you would have been one of his beloved Slytherins, but as it was, you were a Gryffindor, and Godric, you couldn’t be prouder.

While you watched the potion in the cauldron in front of you simmering -you were pleasantly surprised, when it actually started to turn pink, just like it was supposed to- you noticed that you should have already prepared your mandrakes by now. You glanced at Hermione, who still looked at the instructions on the board with narrowed eyes.

“Do you want me to get some mandrakes for you as well?”, you asked your best friend.

Hermione just nodded, without even tearing her gaze from the board. Whenever she was concentrating, nothing could get her out of this state. And even though it was sometimes quite annoying, you were pretty thankful for that ability of hers. Not only Hermione was an amazing learning partner since she forced you to concentrate as well, whenever she simply ignored you while she was studying, but she also had a deep understanding of the material and was always willing to help you out when you were once again hopelessly lost in the sheer mass of homework you had to do.

You made your way to the shelf in the front of the class, scanning it for the mandrakes. You found it on one of the upper boards. You cursed yourself for being so small. You had always trouble to reach them and Professor Snape had strictly forbidden you to use magic to get the ingredients from up there, since one time a simple spell to summon the needed ingredients had ended in Neville being covered in a slimy mass, burning holes into his uniform. But you were also way too proud to ask someone else for help. Standing on your tiptoes, your arm extended as far as possible, your fingertips brushed against the vessel with the mandrakes.

A whistle made you stop trying and turn around. As you did so, you faced the one reason besides Professor Snape, you hated potions class more than most of the other classes. Because he was in there too.

Draco Malfoy was probably one of the worst human beings. Not only he was a Slytherin, but he embodied every single quality that was the reason for the fact the Slytherins were despised by the other houses. He was arrogant, heartless and the only things he truly cared about were the name of his family and the money and influence they had, with which he also bragged regularly. Plus, he didn’t get along with any of your friends, especially Harry. Not even speaking of how he treated Hermione because she was a muggleborn, which made her, in his eyes, less worthy than other wizards.

These were only a few reasons why you hated the Slytherin boy so much. And the fact that you were not afraid to show how disgusted you were by his behaviour, made Malfoy hate you just as much.

And now he was standing right in front of you, with a sly grin on his face.

“If I would have known what´s under this skirt before, I might have been nicer to you from the beginning (Y/l/n).”, he said, while his eyes lazily travelled down your body, scanning every centimetre of it.

You felt your cheeks redden as your hands automatically made sure your skirt was in place again after you had tried to reach up to the shelf, even if you were pretty sure, that there was no chance that Malfoy had actually seen anything he wasn’t supposed to, but just wanted to provoke you.

“And if I would know what´s inside those pants… But if it looks the same as inside your head, this is going to be very disappointing. But I´m sure you are already used to hearing this from girls, aren’t you?”, you responded.

“Oh, trust me, love, this would be anything but disappointing. I´m sure any girl will gladly tell you. And you will have to trust them, because unfortunately, you”, his cold grey eyes found his way back up to yours, eying you contemptuously, “will never find out.”

“Unfortunately for you, luckily for me.”, you smiled at him sweetly.

“And unfortunately for you, you have just lost your chance that I will give you any of my mandrakes. Because luckily for me, I´m tall enough to get them myself.” Without even having to try, he reached over your head for the vessel with the mandrakes. “But maybe if you would use that pretty mouth of yours to ask me for help nicely instead of insulting me again, I might be willing to help you out anyway.”

You just bit your lip. For sure, you weren’t that desperate. You hated to ask for help, but you would find someone who would do so. Someone, who wouldn’t take as much pleasure in this as Malfoy and wouldn’t use this opportunity to humiliate you for the rest of your life.

When Malfoy realized, you wouldn��t give in, he placed the vessel with the remaining mandrakes back on the shelf. As he did so, his chest nearly brushed yours, but you refused to step back.

Before Malfoy went back to his place, he looked at you with pity, but the glistening in his eyes betrayed him.

“Good luck brewing your potion, love.”

Then he left and you were standing there alone. But just as you wanted to start another attempt to get what you came here for, you saw Ron coming up to you. As you saw the red haired lanky boy, a smile spread across your face.

“Luckily for me, I have tall friends.

“I really need to go to Zonko´s. Fred and George told me, they just launched a new product line.”, Ron told you before he kept on rambling about why it was absolutely necessary and essential for him to possess some nose-biting teacups. Hermione and you on the other hand were more interested in visiting Honeydukes and having some warm Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks, preferably with some ginger.

You were already used to this. Every one of you had your own plans on how to spend your time in Hogsmeade in the best way possible. Usually, before the weekend was coming up, you sat down together to make up a plan for the day, just like you did now, even though all of you were aware of the fact, that in the end, it still almost always resulted in pure chaos anyway.

“And the dungbombs….”

“Don’t act as if you could afford any of these anyway Weaselbee.”, you heard a familiar voice sneering behind you.

“I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion, Malfoy.”, Harry quickly responded, before Ron could say or do something he might regret later on since you could already see his ears turning dangerously pink.

“And I don’t recall talking to you, Potter. Are you even allowed to go there? I mean your parents can´t sign the permission, can they?”

“After all these years, don’t you think it´s a little bit pathetic to still bring up the same old stories over and over again? If you keep on doing this, people might think this is the only thing you´re capable of.”, you jumped in because even though Harry´s ears didn’t turn pink, you knew, that this was far below the belt for Harry.

Malfoy turned around, eying you unimpressed.

“And once again, I don’t recall talking to you. But if you are so creative (Y/l/n), go on.”

“Well, I could, but I don’t think I could insult you today without being rude to that tattered scrap of fur on your head, you said, while your eyes were fixed on the hat, Malfoy was already wearing, since the first snow of this winter had started falling this morning.

“That’s ferret fur.”, he responded, while touching his hat, slightly offended. “Very expensive and fashionable, but when I look at you, I don’t think you even know what these words mean.”

“Well, if it means I´m walking around with a stinky corpse on my head, I´ll pass, thanks.”

“Not everyone can wear what they want and still look good, (Y/l/n).”

You raised an eyebrow, your gaze still fixed on the ugly hat.

“Obviously.”

“At least I don’t have to wear these horrible Gryffindor robes day after day. I have to admit, they probably wouldn’t even suit me.”

“Honestly Malfoy, green doesn’t suit you that much either. But then again, I highly doubt that the others would do any better.”

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders.

“I´m not interested in changing the colour of my robes anyway. You on the other hand…”, he stepped a bit closer, “I bet you would look absolutely amazing in green. Even though I´m afraid you, unfortunately, don’t have what it takes to be a Slytherin. But if you want to, I can lend you some of my clothes some time. Would love to see you in them. Or without them.”

“I´ll have to pass again. Also, I don’t think it´s that unfortunate that I don’t have what it takes to be one of you. I actually would call myself to be pretty lucky.”

“Don’t act like you would actually mind it (Y/l/n). You would rather be in a house with me. I know how much you miss me when I am not around.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Oh yeah, I just can´t stop thinking about you from the moment you leave.”

Malfoy grinned smugly.

“Oh, don’t worry love. I do just the same.”

Then he winked at you and went back to his friends, leaving you with your cheeks slightly red. From how much he annoyed you, of course.

And it went on like this for days. Whenever Malfoy saw you, he made a snarky remark, in which he included some kind of compliment, which sounded -in the way he said it- like the worst insult. And you gladly caught up on it. It felt refreshing to not make fun of the same things over and over again. And for some reason, Malfoy noticed things about you, no one else had ever complimented you about before. And even if you hated to admit it, he did his job well. So well, that sometimes you felt your heart beating faster in your chest when he opened his mouth.

One day, in herbology, when you laughed at Malfoy, who had just been bitten by a fanged geranium, he just smiled at you cheekily, just like he did so often lately.

“Wanna have a bite too, (Y/l/n)?”

“I prefer not getting poisoned, Malfoy.”

“You have no idea, I am actually quite enjoyable.”

“I bet you are.”, you chuckled. “Looks like it just can´t get enough of you.”

The fanged geranium had by now buried its fangs deep into the material if Malfoy´s gauntlet.

“You have always been better with those bloody creatures than me, I guess.”, Malfoy mumbled.

You looked at him in surprise. For sure, you had always been gifted in handling plants, but you had never thought that Malfoy had paid attention to it.

“It´s not that hard, is it?”

“What, you think you are better than me, Gryffindor?”

“Well, obviously I am.”, you said, pointing at your already replanted geraniums.

“Seems like you have many talents, don’t you?”, Malfoy asked with a smirk.

“Don’t take it too hard. I´m sure you got some things you´re not completely hopeless in as well.”

The grin on Malfoy´s face only grew wider.

“Trust me love, I´m a man with many talents.”

“Oh yeah?”, you teased him.

“Want me to show some of them to you? We could both benefit from this.”

“I´m sure this would be very interesting.”, you purred. “But you know, I´m not that much into disappointments.”

With that, you grabbed the fanged geranium that was still clinging on to Malfoy with a trained grip and pulled it away, placing it in its new pot.

“Oh, I´m sure it would be anything but disappointing. Just tell me what you want me to do love and I´ll do it the best way you have ever seen it being done.”

“There are so many things on my mind right now I would love to see you do. But for now, I would just be happy seeing you being able to handle your plants on your own.”

As you returned to your seat, after shooting a last glance to Malfoy who was fighting with the next geranium, you saw Hermione looking at you with narrowed eyes.

“What is it?”

“What the hell was that?”

“What?”

“Did you just… flirt? With Malfoy?”, your friend asked in a strange voice.

You looked at her in disbelief.

“Me? Flirting? With him? No way! Why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just the way you looked at each other and the grinning and all that stuff.”

You shook your head vigorously.

“No one flirted with nobody. But just to make one thing clear. If one of us would be flirting with the other one, it would be him flirting with me! Not the other way around. As if I would be in need of such things. I still have standards!”

Hermione eyed you distrustfully, before nodding slowly.

“If you say so.”

The next week, you were still practising handling the fanged geraniums, which had by now grown a few centimetres, making it a lot more difficult to do so. You still managed to take care of them in the best way possible, earning not only some praise from Professor Sprout but also five points for your house.

But someone else still struggled to hold the plants in place. You glanced over to Malfoy, who frowned while trying to tame his geraniums. Unsuccessfully, of course. A giggle escaped your throat as you saw his fight with the plant, which strictly refused to do anything Malfoy had planned with it. When Malfoy heard your laugh and looked up, his gaze met yours and he raised an eyebrow questionably. But instead of making a quick-witted remark, you just looked away again, concentrating on your own plant.

The words Hermione had said to you in the last lesson in the greenhouse, had confused you more than you wanted to admit. You had always thought the bickering -that wasn’t just bickering anymore- with Malfoy was quite fun, but just because it entertained you. Or at least what you had thought before Hermione had asked you if you had been flirting with him. Because you had to admit, that for someone who wasn’t involved in whatever the thing that was going on between Malfoy and you was called, the idea that something was going on between the two of you wasn’t that far-fetched, considering how much time and energy you were willing to put into the other one. But you had always thought that at least your best friend knew that nothing was going on between the two of you, except for the fact that you just couldn’t stand each other. Because there was nothing more, was there? But still, for some reason, Hermione´s words were still echoing in your head, making you react irritated any time Malfoy was trying to call you out once more, which was while you now tried your best to just avoid him.

This was also the reason, why after the lesson you quickly got out of the greenhouse, without shooting the Slytherin boy still fighting with his plant another glace and headed towards the castle with your friends. It had been the last lesson of the day and you couldn’t wait to get to the common room to let yourself fall onto one of the couches and relax.

But as you had nearly reached the castle, you noticed, that in the hurry to get out of the greenhouse as soon as possible, you had forgotten your notes there. That’s why you quickly told your friends to save you one of the good seats in front of the fireplace and headed back to the greenhouse.

It had already gotten quiet here, since all the students had left and Professor Sprout was working in one of the other houses, taking care of the more complex plants, which weren’t made for students to take care of.

But just as you wanted to open the door, you heard someone cursing behind it. You frowned as you saw a shadow moving behind the frosted glass. You had expected to be on your own, but obviously, this wasn’t the case. However, you still needed your notes, so you opened up the door.

As the door swung open, the gaze of the person inside shot up. They seemed to be just as surprised as you, someone was still here, regarding to the startled look on their face. But then again, probably not as surprised as you, because, while for you it wasn’t that unusual to visit the greenhouses even after class, for Draco Malfoy it was for sure.

When he realized who was standing in front of him, the surprise on his face was replaced by a grin, making your heart for some reason jump.

“(Y/l/n), come to join me?”, he asked, while leaning against the table behind him, looking unfairly good like this.

For a moment you just stared at him, but then you remembered why you got here in the first place.

“Just forgot my notes.”, you mumbled.

You took a deep breath and entered the room, heading towards where you suspected the missing booklet. You felt Malfoy´s gaze following you, making your face for some reason heat up. Luckily, you found it quickly and wanted to turn around again, leaving the house without interacting with Malfoy any further. But the boy had different plans.

“You already want to leave again.”

You just gave him a short nod.

“C´mon (Y/n), it´s just the two of us. Why don’t you just stay a little longer and accompany me?”

When he called you by your first name, your heart stopped. He had never done so before. But for some reason, it still felt familiar to you. It felt right like this. You slightly shook your head as if you tried to get rid of the strange feeling building up inside you. Whatever was wrong with you, you had to get it under control again as soon as possible, so you wouldn’t make yourself a fool in front of Draco. Malfoy. You meant Malfoy of course.

“Still have homework to do.”, you mumbled, waving your notes as a confirmation.

“Don’t be such a tease (Y/n). I know you would rather spend your time here with me.”

“I really don’t have any time for your games right now.”, you snapped, sounding harsher than you had intended.

Malfoy seemed to notice the change in your voice because his changed as well when he spoke up again.

“You don’t have to. I just thought… I really could use your help but if you got something else to do…” It was strange to hear him talking like this. He almost sounded insecure as his voice got lost in the last sentence.

You knew that you should just leave like you had intended to, but for some reason, you didn’t. For some reason, you turned around and looked at the boy on the other side of the room. And for the first time since you realized who was in this room with you, you really looked at him. Malfoy was standing behind a table with some plant pots in front of him. It looked more like a battlefield than a greenhouse. From what you could see, he had tried his luck with the fanged geraniums once more, which had obviously been a worthy opponent.

“What is it?”, you asked the boy, as you stepped closer, justifying your readiness to help with the argument that Professor Sprout would probably get a heart attack if she would see what Malfoy had done to her precious plants.

“I wanted to practice with those bloody beasts once more, but it seems like I still don’t have as much talent as you.”

While he was talking, he raised his right hand, showing you some bitemarks, the fangs of the plants had left behind. You narrowed your eyes.

“What happened to your gauntlet?”, you asked.

“Forgot it.”, Malfoy mumbled.

You could see his cheeks turning slightly pink as he confessed his mistake. You felt a warmth flushing over you and you mentally slapped yourself as you caught yourself thinking that he just looked adorable, the way he was standing there, avoiding your gaze in embarrassment.

You sighed.

“Let´s take care of your hand first and then the plants.”

Malfoy nodded in agreement.

You knew Professor Sprout had some tinctures in her desk, some with antidotes for the poisonous plants and some antiseptic. Luckily, fanged geraniums weren’t poisonous, but to make sure the wound wouldn’t infect, you still pulled out the antiseptic.

“Show me your hand please.”, you said.

Malfoy did as you told him. When you took his large hand in your smaller one, it felt like an electric shock running through your body and you had to get a grip on yourself not to pull away again. You carefully dabbed some of the liquid onto the wound, making Malfoy hiss through gritted teeth.

“Careful!”

“I am.”, you responded. “It´s not my fault you are so stupid. Now you have to face the consequences.”

“If the consequences are a pretty girl taking care of me, I might have to act stupid more often.”

When you looked up, you saw Malfoy grinning down at you, making your heart flutter in your chest once more. You could have gotten lost in the way he was looking at you, the fact he was so close to you that you could smell through all the flowers around you his cologne and feel the warmth of his hand in yours. But you knew you couldn’t. You knew for him, all of this was just a joke. And so it was for you. You didn’t actually care about each other. That’s how it was supposed to be. But as you stared up at him smiling down at you, you could have sworn that, whatever was going on here, was real. But you knew it wasn’t, at least for him, and you wouldn’t be so stupid to show him that by now, you may or may not have some doubts about whether or not you hated the boy in front of you actually as much as you always stated you did.

That’s why when you had finished sterilizing his wound, you quickly let go of Malfoy´s hand again and took a few steps backwards. You could have sworn he looked slightly disappointed, but that was probably just another thing your clouded brain wanted to make you think.

When you had stowed the medicine back in the desk again, you dedicated your attention to the plants. You quickly got into some kind of flow, as you effortlessly fixed the damage, Malfoy had done to them unintentionally. And for a moment you forgot, that you actually didn´t want to be here. Or more precisely didn´t want to be with Malfoy.

Said boy was now standing beside you, watching your movements closely. “You could help me with those too, you know?”, you told him, without taking your gaze from the work in front of you.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Take the ones who are back in their pots and place them next to the others.”

Malfoy nodded and grinned at you.

“Anything for you princess.”

You couldn’t help the smile that crept on your face as he called you by this nickname.

“A princess wouldn’t have to the work on her own.”

“I would love to help you but I am afraid I…”

“…you would only make things worse.”, you ended the sentence.

“Right you are.”, Malfoy said.

You rolled your eyes.

“As if this would be something new.”

“And you are right once more.”, Malfoy said, making the smile on your face only widen.

You put the last geranium back in her pot and looked up at the boy.

“You look really pretty when you smile, you know that?”, he told you out of the blue.

“Says you.”, you grinned, trying to hide the blush that crept on your face at his words.

“So you think I´m pretty?”, Malfoy teased you.

“You think I am?”, you returned, making him chuckle.

“Only when you smile.”, he said.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“I´ll still take that as a compliment.”

“It was one.”, Malfoy responded.

The blush on your cheeks only deepened.

“Then thanks, I guess.”, you mumbled.

Then you remained silent for a moment.

“Why were you even in here?”, you asked to release the strange tension in the air.

“Told you. To practice.”

“Yeah, but why? Did Professor Sprout told you to? Because you´re such a disaster?”

“No, it was for you.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“For me?”

“You know everything I do is for you.” Even though his voice sounded genuine, you saw the mocking smile on his face. “And you said you had a lot of things on your mind you want to see me do after I can tame those beasts.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“But that’s how I understood it.”

Even though you knew that Malfoy was just making fun of you, the mere thought of him actually practising here for you after class, just to impress you, made the warm feeling inside you return. But then again you knew, that the chances he had some serious intentions with you were close to zero. Actually, not only close; they were zero.

You looked at the boy in front of you, who returned your gaze. Suddenly, Malfoy took a step so that he was standing right in front of you, raising his hand, as if he wanted to touch your face.

As a reflex, you took a step back, leaving both of you embarrassed.

“I… I didn’t mean to… You got some dirt right there.”

With his finger he tapped at his own cheek, glancing at you shyly, before looking at the ground.

“Oh.”

You didn’t quite know what to say.

“Just thought I´d let you know.”

“Yes, thanks.”

With your own hand, you rubbed over your face, right where you suspected the stain that had caused this uncomfortable moment.

“Is it gone?”

Malfoy tore his gaze apart from the ground and looked at you again. Then he shook his head.

“No, it´s still there.”

“Here?”

“No, like…”

“Like this?”

“A little bit more to the right…. No from my point of view.”

“Gone?”

“No.”

“Would you…?”

Malfoy nodded and took a step toward you once more. And this time, you didn’t shy away.

His thumb gently rubbed over your cheekbone, making you shiver. You couldn’t help but close your eyes fluttery at his gentle touch.

“Now it´s gone.”, Malfoy said, his voice sounding a bit huskier than usual.

You cleared your throat.

“Well, thanks.”

His eyes started to glisten again as he grinned at you.

“My pleasure.”

You sighed.

“I bet it was.”

“You have no idea.”, he chuckled.

“Probably there wasn’t even dirt there. You just did this to put me off my stride, didn’t you?”

Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

“Did I?”

“Did you what?”

“Put you off your stride.”

You cursed yourself for letting your guard down, even if it had been only for a few seconds.

“Don’t you dare to pride yourself on that Malfoy. Only because you annoy me that much.”

“Not as much as you annoy me.” “Wanna bet?”

“I will win.”

“You think so? Well, I don’t. Because you are the most annoying and unlikable and selfish person I have ever…”

But whatever you had wanted to say was cut off by some surprisingly soft lips pressing on yours. After the moment of surprise had passed, you gave in and melted into the kiss, forgetting all those -probably not very nice- things you had wanted to call the boy, who now held you close.

When you pulled away, panting heavily, you saw the blond guy grinning down at you.

“I am sorry love. I don’t think I have caught the last sentence.”

“You are unbelievable.”, you mumbled.

“I know, but I don’t think that was quite what you intended to say, was it?”

“Don’t wanna risk repeating that.”

“Why´s that?”

“Who knows if you will kiss me again then.”

Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

“Would that be so bad?”, he asked.

Even though his tone was jokingly, you could hear some serious concern in his voice, as if he wasn’t quite sure about the consequences of his own actions yet.

“Never said that.”

Malfoy´s grin only grew wider.

“Well, if you want to repeat this, you just have to ask.”

“If this is some sick joke of yours again…”

“No joke.”, Malfoy interrupted you quickly. “I want this. Well, only if you do so as well of course.”

You paused as if you had to think about it for a moment.

“I might have to try this kissing thing once more first I guess.”

Malfoy smiled as he brushed some loose strands of hair out of your face.

“As often as you want love.”

And this time, the kiss was softer and when you felt his lips moving against yours, it felt as if everything that had happened between the two of you ever since you knew each other had led to this moment.

“I always thought you were doing this just to annoy me.”, you mumbled against his lips, as the boy in front of you traced the features of your face with his fingers.

“I did.”, he admitted. “But only because you looked so cute when you were mad at me.”

“Just so you know, no girl likes it to be called cute when she´s mad.”

Malfoy placed a kiss on your forehead.

“I don´t care about all girls. I only care about you. And it´s not my fault you look so adorable when you were rambling about how much you hate me.”

“What would you say if I would call you cute when you are mad at me?”, you asked him.

“As if I could ever be mad at you.”

“Draco, I´m serious.”, you giggled.

But Draco just grinned at you cheekily.

“So we´re on a first name basis now?”

“Don’t get this wrong. I still don’t like you. And besides, you are distracting from the main topic.”

“I don’t want you to like me., I want you to love me.”

You looked at him in surprise. Now he had finally managed to distract you completely. Draco looked slightly embarrassed at his confessions, still, he returned your gaze.

“If you think you could.”, he added.

You smiled.

“I know I can.”

“How´s that?”

“I already do.”

Draco pulled you in a kiss once more.

“I love you.”, he whispered.

“I love you too.”

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @writingwitch007 @army24--7 @lbhmoon @cappgyuccino

[nanasalt]

Hi, I'm genuinely curious why you have called Elsa "abusive sister"? What's your, as an Anna lover, main take on Elsa?

Context for my comment.

Realizing on a reread that you asked for an Elsa analysis and I kinda made it an Anna one. They're entwined, though -- it's hard to talk about one without the other, especially when the first question is why call Elsa abusive? The short answer is I was being very reductive in that post for the sake of brevity. The tag directly after is me saying in a quick, off-the-cuff way that Elsa's not wrong:

#see: Anna of Arendelle #suffering is good! #filial loyalty should trump logic! #dying for your abusive sister is good! #Elsa obviously has her own issues but from Anna’s pov?

Believe me when I say that I can go full Elsa apologist very easily. Send a second ask if you want to see that, actually, I do have a lot of Elsa Thoughts. The thing is, there's a ton of Elsa fans out there and Anna tends to get the short end of the stick, despite being - in my opinion - the better sister, and not for nothing, but I think Elsa would agree that Anna is a better sister.

The tragedy of Frozen is that Elsa isn't wrong to isolate herself and try to keep Anna safe, and Anna isn't wrong to sense her sister still wants to connect and try to make it happen. That's what makes it tragic. Anna's desperate attempt to reconnect at the party is what makes Elsa balk, and Elsa balking is what pushes Anna away into the arms of someone who isn't afraid to tell her she's wanted. (Of course, Hans isn't afraid because wanting her won't kill her the way Elsa is pretty sure wanting a sister will.) Anna coming back from a whirlwind of having fun - having a friend - for the first time in years and telling Elsa she wants to get married freaks Elsa out, because Elsa's about to lose her sister to some stranger! Elsa tries to get the situation under control the only way she knows, which is to get away from everyone and self-soothe, but Anna is fed up and presses the argument then and there, which sets Elsa off and reveals the depths of Elsa's problems.

But critically, Anna's not wrong, and she's not stupid.

A major theme of Anna's character is that nothing is explained to her, and she is mistreated as a result. We, the audience, understand why Elsa locks herself away. We, the audience, skip over literal years of isolation for Anna in a three-minute song. We, the audience, see Elsa's anxiety when alone or with her parents. Anna, on the other hand ... to pull from the musical, which I admittedly like more than the film:

ANNA: ... Truth is, I never knew why my parents ordered the gates shut, why the celebrations ended, or why Elsa stopped talking to me. All I ever knew was, I missed my sister. I spent years trying to figure out what I did. I begged to know, to understand, but all my parents would say is, it’s for the best.

Anna blames herself for the fact Elsa locked herself away, and Elsa does not, as far as we see in the story, disabuse Anna of that notion. Sure, you can argue it happens offscreen somewhere after the show, and I'd agree that the arc of Frozen means the girls are going to sit down and realize their parents kinda sucked and gave them both trauma, but that happens after. (Frozen 2 doesn't exist in my head. I don't hold with anything that doesn't admit their parents fucked up big time. The best you can say is they tried to help their daughter, and that is tragic too, that nobody was able to help them do it.)

From Elsa's point of view, she ran away and Anna followed - against Elsa's advice and orders. Elsa felt confident enough to let her sister in and talk about things -- and Elsa couldn't handle it. She shot Anna in the heart as a result, putting them exactly back where they were when they were kids and Elsa was the biggest danger to her sister. Elsa was right to be afraid of intimacy, she was right to protect Anna from herself. The biggest danger to Anna was always Elsa.

This verges into Hans apologism, but we're focused on the girls so stick with me: Elsa literally kills Anna in the story. Hans is a big asshole about this little, "If only there was someone out there who loved you," speech, but he didn't kill Anna. Elsa did. If Elsa hadn't shot Anna in the heart, Anna would not be dying now. If Hans was going to kill Anna, that would've been the place -- and instead he leaves her to die of the wound her sister gave her.

So how does Anna feel in that moment? Narratively, we focus on the fact Hans has been the biggest dick lately, so she's heartbroken by that, but I'd posit she's been let down by the two people she thought might want her: Elsa and Hans. At this point Anna was probably thinking she could get cured and maybe that she and Hans would fix this together.

Instead, her unending faith in her sister should have brought her to this conclusion: Elsa killed her, Hans refused to save her, and they've both abandoned her for dead. In the film, Elsa - by proxy - throws Anna off a cliff right after shooting her in the heart. She could not be more clear about locking Anna out. Hans locked her in, but all to the same effect: Elsa's curse is going to kill her.

Does it really matter why Elsa cursed her?

When I say Elsa is an abusive sister, I mean that from Anna's point of view, Elsa lashes out and hurts Anna because of her own pain. We, the audience, have the benefit of knowing why - but we, the audience, also aren't feeling our fingers freeze solid as our jaw locks up with ice, so maybe we're not getting the full effect there.

Frozen's magic system is simple: magic and emotion are the same thing. (Frozen 2 do not interact.) Elsa's powers are driven by emotion, and they can be driven to great heights or great lows. The tragedy is that she doesn't learn to channel positive emotions, so she only knows fear and anxiety, which spiral out of control as those emotions always do. That fear isn't irrational - she's afraid for her sister, she's afraid for her country, she's afraid to let people down - but it is damaging and uncontrollable.

It literally kills her sister.

Anna dies, not because she threw herself under the sword and got diced, but because she turns to ice. She dies because of Elsa's curse, which ironically saves her from being killed in a bloody way. In that moment, Elsa sees her worst fears come true: she killed her sister. In the musical, she sings:

Anna? Anna - no! This is what I feared, this is why I shut you out so long ago. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry ... Look at what I've done to you.

As she realizes this, the magic begins to undo itself, not because Elsa realized the depth of her fuck up but because Anna committed an act of true love. Anna is brought back to life miraculously by her own self-sacrifice because it was pure and selfless. Which is why my final tags were:

#the narrative posits that [Anna's] suffering was good #actually. #and wanting things for herself was Bad actually

Wanting Hans, the seeming first person to value her, was wrong. Throwing herself under the sword for the sister who ignored her until she murdered her was good. In a meta sense, Anna wanting something for herself was wrong, and being blindly loyal was good. She is literally rewarded by being brought back from the dead to be a continuing loyal companion to the woman who shot her in the heart.

At the end of the day, the fact Elsa feels terrible about this both makes no difference and makes all the difference in the world. Elsa has been awful to Anna, and her being able to recognize that is what makes their relationship so compelling. The fact Elsa is also abused is important; she was locked away from society just as much! While Anna was so neglected by their parents that she spoke to paintings, Elsa was being told to just get better, keep it inside and don't freak out. Like many abused people, when Elsa grows up, she doesn't know how to form a healthy relationship at first. Her first fumbling steps end in disaster, and as musical Elsa begs:

This is all so brand new Let me first learn to crawl Before I try to walk

On one hand, that doesn't matter, because Elsa did abuse Anna for a period of time, via neglect and outright harm, up to and including murder. On the other hand, it matters more than anything, because Elsa chooses love, chooses to reconnect, finds true regret and wants to be better. Anna forgives her, because she loves her.

It's what makes the bones of this story so tragic and compelling. The love is real and the hurt is real. The difference is that both sisters choose to move past it, and I can see there being a good ending where they repair their sisterly relationship.

But for the duration of the story, and the near-decade before? Anna was abused by everyone in her family, and Elsa has to take responsibility for that before they can begin to heal.

[bonebabbles]

So since my rose-colored Gray Wing glasses have been torn of my face and stomped into tiny pieces, I’m now wondering if my perception of Clear Sky’s arc is also skewed. I thought his redemption arc was well done (until Star Flower came back) because he was sincerely trying, wasn’t expecting forgiveness, and (unlike a lot of redemption arcs) was not forgiven by most of the characters right away because of how bad his actions were. Until he got with Star Flower, I thought his redemption arc was damn near perfect. Do I have on rose-colored glasses for his redemption arc?

Clear Sky's "redemption arc" is one of the most incompetent bits of writing that has ever blighted the entire series and I promise you I'm not doing hyperbole. It is so bad that it drags down everything it touches, including Gray Wing, Thunder, Acorn Fur, and the entire concept of StarClan.

And, unfortunately, both things you cited there absolutely did not happen, I am going to have to eat your glasses. I'm gonna munch. I'm gonna cRUNCH

"He was sincerely trying"

He wasn't. He just stopped actively shredding random people on his border and then whines that he's "Trying So Hard," using it as yet another guilt trip tactic because he's still an abuser.

The SECOND anyone gives him any criticism (FOR BRINGING A WIFEBEATER INTO HIS CLAN MIND YOU), he twists the fact they're supposed to "forgive him" against them, starts calling Gray Wing slurs for having asthma, and gets offended at a warning while huffing, "no one tells me what to do!"

Like a big fucking baby

And he only let Tom into his clan (even implying he's not a REAL cat because he's fat + an ex-kittypet) because he promised he could show him how to "fight dirty."

AND ALSO he is fully aware that this man kidnapped children in a previous book; but Blazing Star completely forgets major details of the previous three books in a way that is absolutely unacceptable. You are practically reading a new continuity.

"He was not forgiven by the other characters right away"

He was. He was literally, immediately forgiven in the very opening of Blazing Star. By Gray Wing and Thunder, because the narrative decided that Everyone Is Responsible.

Even back in First Battle, right after the fight ends we get a line that gives Bramblestar a run for his money. "WE let it get too far." The narrative even scrambles for some reason to make a woman responsible and grabs Tall Shadow for some fucking reason.

Acorn Fur doesn't even mention that CLEAR SKY WAS STARVING HER FATHER before she decides to move in with him, because she would miss her parents too much on the moor... those parents who just died. In the battle Clear Sky started.

Everyone immediately forgives him and kisses his butt because "The guilt will hurt him more than any actual consequences :((( He was just under so much pressure of leading guys.... which is why he should continue to lead............"

I've actually had a hard time continuing my reread because I've actually been fucking enraged at how Thunder is swooning over his daddy "finally looking at him" uwu

This is painted like a good thing. This is a sweet and nice thing that finally, the abusive ghoul who shoved his face into a festering wound and said he shouldn't have been born just before trying to kill him and all of his friends 'respects him.' Oh Joyous Day Yippee Hooray!

How this ruins the other characters

It destroys Gray Wing because it makes ALL this dogshit behavior that he displayed for the first three books correct. In spite of how GOD awful this "Redemption Arc" is, you are supposed to believe that there is good "deep down" within Clear Sky. That all of this abuse apologia was wisdom. Gray was, and IS, right to take every insult and understand it as humility, and the Clear Sky on the page is actually a Good Boi who Really Does Love His Clan.

It ruins Thunder because even after ALL of that physical and emotional abuse and neglect, he's still supposed to honor Clear Sky as "You'll always be my father." These destructive impulses to want his approval are good and natural in this narrative, not something to confront or fundamentally question.

Fuck, just look at the Tom Redemption. The writers LOVE abusive parents. Even if they beat the shit out of your mom, get her killed, kidnap you, and had no part in raising you, "they still love you and would die for you." Tom's Redemption and Clear Sky's Redemption are just different lines in the same song.

Acorn Fur moves in with the guy who held one of her parents hostage and ultimately got both of them killed

And STARCLAN forms to "tell clear sky what to do," because in the baffling Fear vs Greed Dichotomy this series thinks is some kind of thesis, Clear Sky was just "afraid," not "greedy," and that means his fucked up little head can be fixed by the comfort a religious force can bring. He wasn't abusive because he loves having power over people, the thing that is right there on the page, nope, he really was just worried about death or responsibility or something.

This isn't even getting to the person he is in later material. He's a MONSTER in Moth Flight's Vision, as if his growth never happened.

And this is taking him all at face value-- in a meta sense, the sheer amount of female characters that get brutalized just for his man pain is legitimately dizzying. 2 mates die, 2 innocent women slaughtered, a child beaten and another starved to death, and even pregnant Star Flower gets pinned to the ground and licked on the face as her assaulter talks about how much he wanted her as a mate

This is the worst arc in the entire Warrior Cats franchise and it is spinning on the crap-axis that is Clear Sky's 'redemption'.

The arc is bad BECAUSE it is working towards this idea, that the best villain the series ever wrote has to become the writer's Poor Little Meow Meow halfway through 6 books, so we can get to our regularly scheduled Born Evil Foreigner Villains Who Hate Love And Friendship.

Imagine TPB but Fireheart cries that self defense against Clanborn cats makes you Just As Bad, Tigerstar was just scared or something, and you get two Diet Scourges. That's DOTC.

[mariana-oconnor]

The Dying Detective pt 1

Mrs. Hudson, the landlady of Sherlock Holmes, was a long-suffering woman.

Yes! Mrs Hudson content. The recognition she deserves.

His incredible untidiness, his addiction to music at strange hours, his occasional revolver practice within doors, his weird and often malodorous scientific experiments, and the atmosphere of violence and danger which hung around him made him the very worst tenant in London.

Yep, long-suffering. Let's be honest, the woman should have thrown him out long ago. But at least he's paying her good money.

She was fond of him, too, for he had a remarkable gentleness and courtesy in his dealings with women. He disliked and distrusted the sex, but he was always a chivalrous opponent.

Have we seen any examples of him actually disliking women? We've seen him frustrated by them, certainly, or rather by his lack of ability to read them clearly. We've seen misogyny, yes, in line with some of the thinking of the time 'can't tell Mary Sutherland she's being financially abused because it wouldn't do any good'. But Holmes has on multiple occasions, only in the few stories we've read so far, championed women in many ways. I haven't reread A Study in Scarlet or The Sign of Four before reading these, so I can't say about them, but this insistence on Watson's part that he doesn't like women is just weird.

Is that just Watson not understanding that Holmes isn't attracted to women? Like, Watson just can't comprehend how anyone wouldn't see a pretty woman and be overcome, so the fact that Holmes is apathetic to that just Does Not Compute and therefore must mean he dislikes them? Like an on/off switch?

Hoo boy, Watson, I'd love to introduce you to the Kinsey scale.

"He's dying, Dr. Watson," said she. "For three days he has been sinking, and I doubt if he will last the day."

Mrs Hudson is not a trained physician... although I'm not sure how accurate actual doctors were during this period of time. Had germ theory made the big time yet?

Wikipedia says that the in-story date (1890s) is about the time when germ theory was taking over from miasma theory, so by the time this story was published (1913) it would have been pretty well established.

That's not really relevant, I just find the history of medicine and disease fascinating in a lot of ways. For so much of history we just made shit up and hoped it would work. Some of it really did and some of it really didn't, but we didn't know why, so we made up reasons. And given that this was set at a major transitional period in that history, honestly Watson's medical expertise is probably half guess work and wishful thinking... sorry Doctor. I mean, hysteria is still a diagnosis at this point.

"He took to his bed on Wednesday afternoon and has never moved since. For these three days neither food nor drink has passed his lips."

I think I know why he's not looking too good.

"Stand back! Stand right back!" said he with the sharp imperiousness which I had associated only with moments of crisis. "If you approach me, Watson, I shall order you out of the house."

We've already had at least one story in which 'don't look at me too closely' was a massive red flag. It's sort of a nice symmetry to have Holmes using it here. Why can't he come any closer, Sherlock? Huh? Why?

"But why?" "Because it is my desire. Is that not enough?"

Oh look, that's another red flag right there. Honestly, Holmes, you could have at least made some effort at 'you might catch this illness' or something like that. Although I guess maybe Holmes doesn't believe in germ theory? Is he a miasma kind of guy? Or is this one of the areas in which he's just nonsensical and believes in the humours or something like that?

But 'you can't come closer to me because I don't want you to' to your friend the doctor who was summoned specifically to try to help you is just... No, obviously, Watson isn't entitled to an explanation or a reason. Holmes doesn't owe him anything. But on the other hand, Holmes specified that he would allow Mrs Hudson to get Watson. What did he think was going to happen?

I don't remember this story at all, but based on context clues and knowledge that there are more stories to come, I'm going to guess that he's faking it.

"I know what is the matter with me. It is a coolie disease from Sumatra--a thing that the Dutch know more about than we, though they have made little of it up to date. One thing only is certain. It is infallibly deadly, and it is horribly contagious."

Ah, there we are. You couldn't have led with that?

Did you get it from a giant rat?

Sorry, I should be more serious, Holmes is dying. He's dying.

(He actually is if he's not drunk anything in 3 days. Holmes, you moron.)

"Good heavens, Holmes! Do you suppose that such a consideration weighs with me of an instant? It would not affect me in the case of a stranger. Do you imagine it would prevent me from doing my duty to so old a friend?"

I mean obviously Watson wasn't going to listen to him, but whatever.

"Holmes," said I, "you are not yourself. A sick man is but a child, and so I will treat you."

Watson, you're being creepy again. Like, people do need to consent to treatment, my man. I guess, probably not in this time period? You could just say 'they're hysterical' and have done with it, but still. Consent is important. Agency is important. Let's be ethical about this, huh?

Do I think this is all fake and Holmes is only saying this so you won't see through his ingenious ruse? Yes. Do I think you should still respect his wishes and not touch him? Also yes.

✨Consent✨

"If I am to have a doctor whether I will or not, let me at least have someone in whom I have confidence," said he.

Dude, you literally asked for him. Literally. Asked. For. Him.

You are gaslighting him so bad right now. Holmes! Stop abusing your friend. Stop it! Bad detective! No biscuit!

No one in this scene is coming across well, rn, by modern standards.

"In your friendship, certainly. But facts are facts, Watson, and, after all, you are only a general practitioner with very limited experience and mediocre qualifications. It is painful to have to say these things, but you leave me no choice." I was bitterly hurt.

Holmes is being a bitch here, and I will absolutely say it. Watson, your ethics are shaky, but your feelings are valid.

"Possibly not. But I happen to know that Dr. Ainstree, the greatest living authority upon tropical disease, is now in London. All remonstrance is useless, Holmes, I am going this instant to fetch him."

Uno reverso, Holmes!

Honestly, Holmes's worst misjudgement here is thinking Watson would let him get away with dying without doing anything. Did you really think he was just going to say 'oh well, that's a pity; I'd best go home and start writing your eulogy.'

His misreading of the person he is literally closest to in the world is just such a massive blind spot here.

"You won't take the key from me by force, Watson, I've got you, my friend. Here you are, and here you will stay until I will otherwise. But I'll humour you." (All this in little gasps, with terrible struggles for breath between.) "You've only my own good at heart. Of course I know that very well. You shall have your way, but give me time to get my strength. Not now, Watson, not now. It's four o'clock. At six you can go."

Such a dramatic bitch right now. OMG. 😂😂😂

"You will seek help, not from the man you mention, but from the one that I choose."

I get that there's a time issue here, clearly, because Holmes is so insistent on 'six o'clock', but I feel like he could have handled this better.

"By all means." "The first three sensible words that you have uttered since you entered this room, Watson."

Wow.

All modern adaptations are based entirely on this scene, huh?

With fairness to Sherlock, it does seem like Mrs Hudson is at least correct about the starvation and dehydration and we all know being hungry makes people irritable. And being dehydrated makes you kind of loopy and gives you a killer headache. So he's not making the best decisions right now, if that's the case.

We all know what he really needs right now:

Then, unable to settle down to reading, I walked slowly round the room, examining the pictures of celebrated criminals with which every wall was adorned.

I love this description. Imagine sitting in this room with just the worst criminals of all time staring down at you from every wall. True crime chic. Serial killers watching you from every angle. It's absolute nightmare fuel and more what I'd expect from, like, a themed bar that was set up in an old prison.

I' can't imagine it. I'm glad he keeps this to his bedroom and out of the public areas. I can't imagine it would put his clients at ease.

To tell the truth, my desire to fetch a doctor had somewhat weakened, for poor Holmes was so obviously delirious that it seemed dangerous to leave him.

To be fair to Watson here, while often in the stories he seems unnecessarily dense about things, in this case his thoughts are entirely justified.

How much money in his pockets, only half the gas to the fire, pick the box up with sugar tongs. (Poison one assumes)

It may surprise you to know that the man upon earth who is best versed in this disease is not a medical man, but a planter. Mr. Culverton Smith is a well-known resident of Sumatra, now visiting London. An outbreak of the disease upon his plantation, which was distant from medical aid, caused him to study it himself, with some rather far-reaching consequences. He is a very methodical person, and I did not desire you to start before six, because I was well aware that you would not find him in his study.

So this guy poisoned a lot of people with this, huh? That's what I'm getting. And you couldn't have provided this information earlier in such a way that Watson would have stayed with you until then? You had to go the mad route of locking you both in a room together, while not letting him touch anything or talk to you?

"You will tell him exactly how you have left me," said he. "You will convey the very impression which is in your own mind--a dying man--a dying and delirious man. Indeed, I cannot think why the whole bed of the ocean is not one solid mass of oysters, so prolific the creatures seem."

I like to think that Holmes always has at least one little tangent like that going on in his brain, and he's just decided that he'll say it out loud right now to increase the impression of delusion and madness. But actually this is just a glimpse into his head on a normal day.

I do something similar, but I actually do ask the random questions out loud. My immediate family take them seriously, but other people tend to look at me like they are worried there is something wrong with me.

But the answer I have to Holmes' question is predation. Lots of things nomming on oysters. Humans, for one.

His nephew, Watson--I had suspicions of foul play and I allowed him to see it. The boy died horribly. He has a grudge against me.

So, he already poisoned his nephew. Good to know. Good to know

Make any excuse so as not to come with him. Don't forget, Watson. You won't fail me. You never did fail me. No doubt there are natural enemies which limit the increase of the creatures. You and I, Watson, we have done our part. Shall the world, then, be overrun by oysters? No, no; horrible! You'll convey all that is in your mind.

That's what I was saying, Holmes. Predation. I'm glad to know you've done your part to prevent the Oysterpocalypse. Good man.

I have never eaten an oyster, I am falling down in my duties.

I left him full of the image of this magnificent intellect babbling like a foolish child. He had handed me the key, and with a happy thought I took it with me lest he should lock himself in. Mrs. Hudson was waiting, trembling and weeping, in the passage.

Clearly everything is going according to plan, but Holmes you owe these two so much for putting up with you this time.

I still don't remember this story. I am feeling very Gandalf in Moria right now, but my nose says there's something very fishy about Holmes' illness, and it's not the oysters I'm smelling.

[eliteprepsat]

When it comes to writing college admissions essays, some students know exactly what they want to write about. Others have zero clue. The good news is that admissions essays tend to be relatively open-ended, giving students the freedom to write about almost anything they choose. As such, it is important to start with plenty of material. Your first idea may be a good one, but considering how robust the human experience is, you probably have a treasure trove of ideas brimming beneath the surface waiting to be uncovered. So how do you go about discovering this potential gold mine? Today’s post contains a handful of pre-writing exercises to help you brainstorm and effortlessly launch into your college admissions essays.

TIMED FREE-WRITING ⏱️

If there’s one thing college admissions officers are looking for, it is your authentic voice. Think about it. No one else can lay claim to your voice; it is uniquely and definitively your own. And yet many students have no idea how to write in their own voice. Well my recommendation is to engage in timed free-writing. As its name suggests, free-writing is writing without any limits or constraints. Think of it as posting on social media without any filters. Scary, huh? It’s a powerful technique because it can reveal your true feelings and beliefs (of course, you can always add a filter later). So here are the steps:

Find a location to write where you will not be interrupted

Set a timer for a minimum amount of time (at least 5–10 minutes)

Take a deep breath, begin the timer and WRITE

Don’t monitor/edit/erase anything that comes out on the page/computer screen

Once time is up, reread what you wrote and highlight anything significantly YOU

If you’re having trouble coming up with something, use the following phrase to prompt your thinking: “If you really knew me, you’d know…” and add facts about yourself. If you are truly writing freely, your unique voice will come through. You may be surprised with what comes up, but understand that this is how you sound when you are relaxed and natural. It’s probably similar to how you sound when you’re around people who make you feel completely at ease. Use this voice when you begin writing your college essays.

OBJECTIVE CORRELATIVE EXERCISE

An objective correlative is an object that serves a symbolic meaning in a story. In our lives, we come into contact with any number of objects, some with little meaning and others with much significance. However, how often do you stop to reflect on the value of these objects in your life? This is a wonderful exercises to do at home since many of our most treasured possessions are in our homes. To begin with, I want you to take a look around your home and take an inventory of the items that have some significance to you. The first items students tend to think of are usually their phone or their computer. However, I want you to go beyond and consider less common possessions. Are there any items given to you by a relative that have special meaning? Anything that you’ve found or earned or won (or lost)? What are the top three objects you would grab if you had to immediately abandon your home due to a disaster? Make a list of at least ten items and then jot down the stories behind these objects. Take a trip down memory lane and recall the anecdotes associated with them. Use the five senses to remember specific details that take you back to the moment. That level of detail can work wonders in a college essay. Once you have your objects and their associated anecdotes, one or more of these could serve as a focal point for your personal statement.

VALUES. OPINIONS. SKILLS.

With a quick Google search, you can find a list of values, opinions and skills. Write down a personal list for each category. Reflect on how these were formed or shaped over the course of your life. What did you undergo to develop those values? Why do you hold this particular opinion? Where did you learn that specific skill? There is a story behind all of them. These values, opinions and skills will be at the core of who you are and what you want to do in life, so make sure they are rooted in actual experiences. You can then translate those experiences into compelling anecdotes that reveal your inner qualities.

ASK OTHERS FOR MEMORABLE EXPERIENCES

Asking others for guidance in the college admissions process can be tricky since it is a highly personal experience. While only you can be the authority on you, family and friends can often lend helpful insight as well. You’d be surprised at the stories others can recall that you may have tucked away in your memory. And for good reason! Perhaps those stories are embarrassing or maybe you don’t want to toot your own horn too much. Either way, you should consider asking trusted friends and family to share some of their memorable experiences of you. Keep a list of these anecdotes and review them to see if there are any common threads. You may just discover a theme for a college essay.

Whew!

That’s quite a bit of pre-writing, and we haven’t even started the essays yet. However, this level of advance work will make the actual essay writing go much more smoothly. You will have established the proper mindset to tackle the unique challenges of college admissions essays. You will have also tapped into your authentic writing voice, which will serve as your most powerful tool throughout this process.

So … what are you waiting for? Time is ticking. Begin these exercises today and watch your world unfold before you.

[yesterdaysanswers]

I posted 2,696 times in 2022

That's 284 more posts than 2021!

379 posts created (14%)

2,317 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@yesterdaysanswers

@fancycolours

@daveslutstaine

@camilabarbara

@silveryladystar

I tagged 2,175 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#art - 303 posts

#italy - 241 posts

#mauro pagani - 228 posts

#italia - 202 posts

#pfm - 194 posts

#premiata forneria marconi - 186 posts

#fashion - 129 posts

#asks - 111 posts

#cats - 104 posts

#franco mussida - 95 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#but i'm just gonna go ahead and claim ownership on the whole classic lineup of pfm mk1 & mk2 (which incl both bass players fico & djivas)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i have no idea what you're talking about...

See the full post

21 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#4

24 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

#3

(Nuovo Sound - March 1980)

“There is a house where terrible things happen, so the owner starts looking for the cause that triggers all this wickedness until…” The crescendo at the end of the soundtrack, something very similar in grandeur to the 'Messiah’ by Handel, covers the voice of Godfrey Salmon, the conductor.

We were desperately trying to get someone to tell us the plot of the film, even treacherously, since Dario Argento, author of the story as well as director, of course, left us in the darkest curiosity. He said that the film, despite having a specific story, has no logical connection to the series of very strange events that happen there, and it is therefore very difficult to tell: “Sometimes I had to go and reread the script myself, while I was shooting.”

Beside us, Keith Emerson is carefully listening to his music; we are in the control room of the recording studio, in full control of the mixing, and these few minutes of listening have already made me realize what magnitude this soundtrack will be, at least as mysterious as the film is. But after all, it has always been Argento's prerogative, to always keep everyone in suspense until the very end. When the interview took place, this 'colossal of terror' was being retouched after two years of work; Now that 'Inferno' is coming out regularly and unveiling its mixed content, it doesn't hurt to learn more through a faithful account of our long musical-cinematic conversation.

Why did you choose Keith Emerson for the soundtrack of this film?

“Because I have always liked him very much. Apart from the fact that we already knew each other, it is since I saw him play in Rome in '72 and '73 that I decided to work with him. But then you know how it is, for one reason or another it could never happen, but this time I finally did it. How I approached him basically was simple, but one thing is important: the fact that he, he himself, wrote the music for ‘this’ film. It seems like a coincidence but it's not…it was destiny, I think, there were many small coincidences.”

For example?

“Well…you will know that one of Keith's first compositions was entitled ‘The Three Fates’...and coincidentally, the myth of the three Fates is something that returns very often in this film. In short; I believe that it was all destiny.”

You said that this is a very special film, why?

"It is for me because it took me a long time to do it, no less than two years: a year to write it and a year to shoot it, a truly titanic undertaking for me. Generally it always takes me a year, a year and a few months at the most, so you can imagine.”

You once said that you always feel like you're making the same movie.

“Clearly it was a joke…if not, you can understand it in the sense that basically I'm still the same Dario Argento, right?”

What was the path that led you to make this film?

“I can say that I thought about the film in three phases: I thought about the first part in New York, about three months, then I returned to Rome and for another four months I thought about it at an inn. You know, when I do these things I lead an almost prison life, always locked in a hotel or in an inn…I never write at home. I thought about the third part in New York, a month and a half. Eight months, a year total for the touch-ups.”

Why don't you at least tell us the plot?

“But...basically there is none...there is no plot, and then it is a massacre…”

You say this is the second film of a trilogy on modern alchemy. What does it mean?

“That this is an alchemical film. Like the previous one, 'Suspiria'...but by alchemy, I don't mean that of the scientist who tries to make gold, which is the most striking and even the most false part. Alchemy also meant other cultures, other myths...in reality it was a very interesting occult science that still exists today, in fact the film is set in our present day.”

Keith, why did you decide to write this soundtrack?

“I want to use my music to express other things, and on different levels. I wanted to give a purpose to what I was doing, in short, to develop things around a precise idea. It helped me a lot, because writing a soundtrack is certainly much more challenging than making an LP. Among other things, I also wanted to make my first film with the director, and after seeing 'Profondo Rosso' and 'Suspiria' and meeting Dario, I decided that was what I was looking for.”

Called into question, Dario can't help but exclaim, “Do you see it was destiny?"

Did you find it difficult to write music to adapt to scenarios? And did it ever happen, for example, to write something that Dario didn't like?

“At first, yes, I had a bit of difficulty with regards to coordination, but nothing more. For the rest, Dario was always immediately enthusiastic about the music I wrote.”

Have you used all the instruments you usually use, or a few more?

“No, all as usual…I've used seven or eight different types of synthesizers, the piano and the organ. But the most important part was the dedicated orchestra.”

Was the orchestra conducted by you?

“No, it wasn't me who conducted it. I just wrote the score, Godfrey Salmon took care of the rest. We've known and understood each other perfectly for more than three years now...it was him who conducted the orchestra in the latest EL&P tours.”

By the way, can you tell us what happened to you?

“It wasn't the music it used to be…I don't know how to explain it either, but everything had changed too much. I know Greg is recording in London and Carl is in Munich, but personally I haven't seen them for almost a year now.”

So your plans no longer have anything in common?

See the full post

27 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#2

Challenge: Tag a couple of your mutuals on this ask and give them a compliment. Go ahead, brighten their day. 🌟

@quantumabyss6 @sarvyle @vibesfromepicforest @auroreamethyste @eddie-rifff @daveslutstaine @moptopper @fancycolours @camilabarbara @rogersclover @rogersgarden @the-supernatural-atheist @violet-crowned-nereid @peterjohnsinfield @candleoperamusic @silveryladystar @suitejudyblueeyes @fartofthesunrise @pianonoita @soundchase @praguehead @calicojo @ad-stones @intheblackofmyroom @cara-de-abacaxi @sophiecarolineeeee @leflaneursblog @daisyknife @annlizzita @mktsquarehero @wumbo-calling @therogblog @progcinnamon @boppinbobby @wiz-washcloth @frogbogmoondog @raptorcat1960 @anteaterhaven @queenbea-1610 @cinemaglow @milkyway-ashes @whip-some-skull-on-ya

If we talk every day, or we've never talked at all! I really enjoy seeing you on my dash and:

33 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

40 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[scoundrels-in-love]

I would love the DVD commentary on this part from "If this is communication, I disconnect (I need you, you want me, but I don't know how to connect)":

--

“I love you, Vash,” she says and with his sharp inhale, realizes this is the first time she’s said it out loud to him, but she can’t pause, can’t hesitate or she will do something foolish, like asking if he -, “but I don't think staying here is helping you.”

He remains silent and the heaviness in her chest begins to tip over into an aching frustration. She’s once again talking to a wall that has somehow found itself placed in her kitchen, in her life.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’ve tried everything I know and then some and yet you’ve never felt further from me than now. All these months and you haven’t trusted me with a single shred of your pain.”

--

There were so many parts of this fic that broke me, but I had to set my phone down and pause my reading briefly after this part. Just...wow.

Hi hi lovely! Sorry for taking so long to answer, this week has been... A lot, to say the least.

Oh boy, this scene. The whole kitchen scene, in fact. Almost from the start of conceptualizing this fic, I knew Meryl would tell Vash she loved him and it'd be the first time it's said outloud.

However, originally, the whole thing was intended to be... Gentler. With Meryl trying to do what's right carefully, without spilling so much of her own anger and hurt.

As I began writing the story and the more I came closer to the whole kitchen argument, I realized - it is that. An argument. One sided maybe, because Vash doesn't engage, but that's the problem in itself.

I even went to friends, asking if it'd feel unfair, cruel and wrong to readers if Meryl ended up... Not being particularly gentle to him, even though he is a depressed, grieiving mess that does deserve understanding. They told me to do what feels right. And so I did. Because she's depressed, grieving mess, too. And by god, she's tried to do the good, patient routine and it's gotten both of them nowhere.

It felt a lot more honest to write how it came to me - the hurt, the guilt, the exhaustion, the doubts - all swirling together into an anger and something sharp edged that only cuts deeper into herself, but she cannot quite stop it, once it has been let to breathe.

Also, early on in the story she says Vash is enclosed by walls, now she compares him to one instead. I didn't catch it originally, but on reread it's interesting amp up on how her view shifts on his immovability towards her, how closed off he is and how pointless it is to try and talk to him.

And yes, she very much still wants to ask him if he also loves her, but it's not the time, the place and she doesn't think she's got the rights to. But most of all, she is afraid of the answer. Any answer, at all. And how she might react. Even if he says he does. That she might explode (you love me and yet you do all this?!) and he would never dare to bring it up again. Or that he would say it only to appease her. Or that a silence would tear her apart completely.

For some of the behind the scene details, some what's going on in character's head tidbits that didn't get said quite so in the story itself.

There's lot of guilt in Meryl, beneath the layers of anger - for not being enough to have any impact on Wolfwood's life (or death), for not being someone who could've been there with them all along so she was only a distant link in the complicated feelings between the three of them, on not being someone who can fix or even really help Vash at all. Meanwhile, something that he doesn't get to say is that he keeps waiting for her to blame him for Wolfwood's death, someone she loved too, as he blames himself.

Send me excerpt from my fic and I will give you the DVD commentary on it?<3

[mareenavee]

For the ask game (if you haven't received these already) 💖

7. A popular fandom opinion that you agree with

16. One of your favourite tropes 

18. Something you initially did not like but came around to

Hello, hello! :D AH Thank you for being here!! And for these lovely questions.

Fandom Positivity asks from this game here.

7. A popular fandom opinion that you agree with.

Let's talk about something that, in some circles, may not be actually a popular opinion LOL because like, in the tag, some people certainly have problems with this situation. BUT. But. Art has always pulled forward things like this.

Let's talk about

✨Messy People Being Messy People ✨

Or, nuance in reading characters in TES.

I am not a fan of hard good vs evil in reads of media so when I see a large section of a fandom discussing nuance, my little heart is just so happy. It's because as a writer, I find the best kinds of heroes are often the ones that make all kinds of terrible mistakes and have to resolve them. And the best kinds of villains are the ones who are doing what they're doing because it is, to them, the only way forward.

Not everything has to be cut and dry, right? And I think TES does a fantastic job in a lot of ways throughout the series of showing that kind of nuance.

Just for an example...hmm. Yes, okay! Morrowind gives us Divayth Fyr. He's QUESTIONABLE on a good day, but how many good days are there really in Morrowind? Not many. Not many at all tbh. He helps the main character, sure, but there is just so much fucked up shit happening in that tower and in House Telvanni to begin with. So nuance. Nuance. And the fact that not everything has to be surface level.

Depth of character is important, both in the source material and in what we, as fanfiction writers, bring to the table in our own work. How do we show these mistakes? How do we redeem characters who need it? How does one come back from certain kinds of mistakes? Can they ever? Why or why not?

I think there's a certain kind of catharsis in analyzing text in this fashion and/or reading more deeply and so...people who are as in love with the nuance of TES's characters and worldbuilding as I am are always welcome here.

16. One of your favourite tropes.

ooooh. I love this question! Mostly because tropes can be such good tools! Hmm. It's difficult to pin down one favorite. But I think...

Yes let me ramble on about @paraparadigm's Always Read the Fine Print for two tropes I quite enjoy her hot take on.

The first is Modern Girl In Skyrim / Isekai. I haven't really dove into the deep end of the trope, but the way Para has accomplished worldbuilding for Vera on TWO SIDES is fucking phenomenal. I am as invested in Vee's difficulties in Tamriel as I am in her past, her version of earth and the absolute t r a g e d y it was. Like. I don't want to give away any spoilers but holy hell, was it amazing. I'm rereading it now for the past timelines for ~clues~ in her sequel.

Next is Enemies to Friends to Lovers. This is specifically interesting to me because I don't usually see all three stages in full, or that slow change from each stage. And as it carries into GS, the nature of their relationship is just so fricken nuanced (that word again lol) and I just. I love reading it. I loved to see the entire progression so far. I can't say it enough.

18. Something you initially did not like but came around to.

Something, or someone?

Ulfric Stormcloak was one of my least favorite characters in Skyrim LOL. I think part of it was just the whole situation in Windhelm. The entire situation. He's supposed to be running the place and from the get go we get hella BS, we get a murder mystery with a serial killer on the loose and the guards just...what are they doing?? We get racisms said guards look away from, we get dilapidated slums in which they store actual people out of sight out of mind, and Ulfric is spending all the coin for ... a war? When his people are very clearly suffering? (Granted I do understand some of his point about the war. But the entire situation with the civil war is fucked tbh.)

That is but one read of this man, tbh. And I do, also, write him as a villain in World.

But you know who doesn't? And who shows a whole other facet to this particular character? @thequeenofthewinter. Oh here we go with more nuance :> I love it, I love it. Let me, for a second, plug her fic By the Light of the Moon, which is some of the first exposure I had to her work outside of WIP posts!

Here's a bit I loved about this piece:

If the Jarl is honest with himself, he has been awake more than he would like to be at this strange, in-between hour, and he has grown to both love and loathe its coming and going. On one hand, it is quiet, and it brings with it a type of clarity which helps him conduct his responsibilities in peace, away from the daily bother of the far too fast-paced cadence of his life. And on the other, well, he is tired, both physically and mentally. But this is his job. This is his duty. This is what is required of him in order to keep the people of the land he loves so fervently happy. He puts them and their needs first. His needs are always second because there is no time for Ulfric Stormcloak to be happy. It is very rarely that he indulges himself in thinking about his own happiness. I don’t deserve it, so why would I dare to dream? These types of wishes are for those who have more time on their hands and much less responsibility. When have I ever been allowed to be happy? He turns his head to look at the sleeping form behind him. If there was one thing— Ulfric shakes his head, chasing away the thought as he swirls a glass whiskey and drains it. He has no time for these types of thoughts right now. He has work to do. He turns back to the paperwork on his desk, watching the dark ink of his quill moving fluidly over the parchment he is currently looking over, a request for more supplies to be sent to the Snow Quarter. Ulfric sighs.

I just really love seeing the way things drift through this man's head. I love to see the anxiety. I love this sort of valor, of wanting to do better but already doing the best he can. It's so different from the main source material. But it's also possible. It's also possible. And that's the sort of nuance I do love, that he can be read in so many different ways. I used to dislike him. Hate him even for a myriad reasons. But now I find him relatively sad, except when I read Winter's work. Then I love him lol.

[ghost-town-story]

Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now

So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.

Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol

The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)

So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.

A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:

A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D

Alright, les go

And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*

At least the wine is good lol

Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"

I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward

Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?

Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh

Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah

Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it

One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao

Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)

Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????

James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him

Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name

Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol

RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself

Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!

Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol

babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao

James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with

“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????

this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans

Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment

Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot

AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE

okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)

and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions

yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it

thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"

I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah

Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol

you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!

Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao

For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!

Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)

Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol

Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????

Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)

Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet

Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3

And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21

I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol

Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!

Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol

I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.

Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness

And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")

Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)

OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL

also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits

oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*

Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude

also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)

heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz

This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.

Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol

And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well

oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this

Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like

Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.

goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably

also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo

James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp

I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!

Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic

Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through

"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden

Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man

"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol

Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)

and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs

“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!

Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet

It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.

THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!

so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break

Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol

they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)

Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P

also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!

meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol

Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from

James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)

90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works

seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol

and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)

absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral

ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol

I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol

Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol

There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"

oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol

okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)

okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?

Whump time!!

ah yes, overprotective James

yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh

whump whump!!

ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"

babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)

"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child

okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!

lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably

Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight

but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.

oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married

Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice

and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.

also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now

Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*

and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol

whump and trauma time!!

damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old

that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3

yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)

another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?

James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now

okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol

Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol

Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol

Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys

Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!

goddamn nerds lol

Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec

"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)

Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship

lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname

Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol

Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol

Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!

and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way

Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit

i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi

“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao

welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably

hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me

You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me

That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)

yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol

anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!

oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!

poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet

god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment

Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs

I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"

more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww

"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol

Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit

sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol

And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol

James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol

oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD

and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh

they are both such stubborn bastards omg

yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P

Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P

yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are

oh those nerds

so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!

oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?

good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways

anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol

So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️