#it feels rlly cruel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cherrysnax · 10 months

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i feel like my life is over

#I used to have so many dreams #u know I wanted to be a dancer?#like for real #I wanted to be in cats and go on broadway n shit #I don’t have a sense of rhythm anymore #aometimes I’m just like #what it did a loopty loop and pull and just. pulled a better card in the next life #I don’t have a lot to lose but the things I do have are way more valuable than any dream I could’ve had #this don’t make sense #but man don’t I wonder sometimes #I don’t rlly care abt what happens to me anymore but I do know that ppl want me to be around #it feels rlly cruel #knowing that they want me to suffer #but that’s not what they see. it doesn’t define me. so it hurts but it’s also sobering in a way #I often fee like im balancing my hatred for myself and my love for the people around me on a scale #my parents r old and once they die their opinions don’t rlly matter anymore #my little brother doesn’t need me but that’s one less trauma . friends and my gf ofc know me. they know the closest to the real me #and some of them want me around. I don’t ever wanna make anyone feel like I did #esp not cj. It’s the fucked #up part of me that knows if I had to redo my life all over no changes at all just to meet them again I would #I’d do it all again. so like. why waste that because #im a lil suicidy. ppl die everyday that’s not quirky get a hobby me

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mattodore · 9 months

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everyone say hi to elias 👋 they enjoy long walks on bloodstained beaches and failing perception checks

#river dipping #bg3 #i've been feeling pretty okay the past few days and it's probably because i'm spending so much time with this fucker #they’re a berserker barbarian drow with a charlatan background #they're a bit cruel and love using deception and intimidation in every available interaction they have #they're actually one of two characters i have but my other character is just for when i get tired of the tank combat #also i want lae'zel and shadowheart to kiss. they're sooo funny when they interact with each other.#...........anyway hello #i'm posting this as a little check in i guess #i might get to my activity feed later today but idk...#...i realize i'm coming online after days of nothing to post abt a completely different video game but kjhnkgh #this is all i have to share atm #actually that's not true i did edit a photo i took of mattodore a few days ago...#i'll post that later #…maybe.#rn i'm just gonna go back to playing bg3 <3 it's fun and distracting #ik i have some asks and mentions to get to but. i rlly am having trouble talking to ppl atm #and like my emotions are kinda distant from my body? so. i feel odd still.#avpd is so frustrating but whatever.

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seiwas · 9 months

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conversations on love #3 (gojo x reader) lil snippet sneakpeak!

Print photos aren’t as important anymore when cloud storage spaces are just as–if not more–accessible, but Gojo is admittedly sentimental despite every front he puts up to hide it.

He’s kept every single gift you’ve given him and camouflaged it as decoration in his office, and the family drawing 10-year-old Tsumiki made is still folded between the pages of a self-help book Yaga gave him when he first decided to teach.

When every moment is experienced so vividly, seen through a muddle of infinite energies, there are those he wishes could stay still—ones that take up space to remind him: ‘this is real, it happened, and because of it your life is irrevocably changed’.

For the longest time, Gojo has kept a photo hidden, locked away in the drawer by his bedside as if keeping it there means the memory will stay guarded forever—untouched, unspoiled, unruined.

It becomes clearer to him then, by the look in your eyes and remembrance soft-spoken, that what good is a photo unseen?

What good is a love unwitnessed?

#my lil gift for those waiting patiently for col 3 !#i am sorry this will take a while ! but i am trying to write it with utmost care :')#<- this only means im being rlly choosy with everyth abt it HAHAH #this is also a mishmash of lines ! so there are stuff in between them that r in the full fic #but just didnt want to include here bc i didnt wanna spoil too much !#so if it sounds a bit disjointed ?? thats probs why #🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣#ok that is all now im SHY !#this fic will be dedicated to niku and dilly who are so supportive ! cheering me on !!#and to sera for slight teen-dad gojo and cruel summer influences :'----)#also there is a kind of jump from 'tell me about love' to col 3 #so gojo goes thru a bit of development HABSHF #so he can feel really different in this one compared to 'do you believe in love?' and 'tell me about love'#but that's d whole POINT ! i think #my intention for the entire conversations of love coll. is to see varying reflections/perspectives of love as gojo experiences it over time #im bLABBERING TOO MUCH !#shotorus.process #col tag #u can also try to guess what the photo is #but writing it broke my heart #HAHHAHAHAHAH

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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🌧️🫧💭

#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me #which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye #🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad #nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone #i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me #ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao #also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid #why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way #me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me #i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me #it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave #nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop #whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive #ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like #all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think #i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself #but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T #idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do #anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul #but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao #i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down #they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how #to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year #i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak #es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that #maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this

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kaoharu · 4 days

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coguhs . hi. im alive

#✧ chatting !#gaaaahhhhh #was so busy.my mom suddenly had 10282928373 tasks for little ol me to complete . . . cruel world we live in #had to sort out grad stuff . . . parents said kbbq wld be too expensive for 13 ppl so . we're getting chinese instead. lmao. but who cares #sigh #i cant be picky cause i dont wanna sound ungrateful. but its a bit annoying when they already said i could choose whatever and not to mind.#and then they like. chose chinese without asking me. which is like. . . hbebhsudheudhd #its not like i dont like chinese cause i Do like it but woudheueudhsuebdjdu #sorry. the complainer they should kill me with rocks #anyways tho. mom was helping me out w makeup as well today . . . she said i Have to for grad walk bc photos. sniffles #that was fun i suppose ❓️ i dont rlly like makeup tho. i hate the feeling of it on my skin 😞😞 but its pretty . . . the struggles #glad most prep is over now tho. until sunday that is. waaahhh

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sylphwing · 2 months

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i started resetting for poipole now but shiny hunting is getting very boring very fast atm. i can't stop now tho so... onwards ig (￣▽￣)7

#sylph.txt #shiny hunting #just hit 1700 for poipole. i'm neglecting lugia for a bit bc it's more of a hassle doing two at once but that one's at 2500 #i'm SRing before having done the elite four so i hope it's not shiny locked for whatever reason idk my brain is being cruel to me again #all of the hunts prior to this have been super reasonable so i rlly am thinking this is gnna b the one that takes a billion years AAAAAAAAA #i think the problem is that i've mostly been just listening to music while i do it #i can't think of anything to watch so i'm just sooo bored -.-#augh whatever literally all i can do is hope that my luck is kind to me #i think i placed pretty well in that luck chart from the beginning of this year?#soryr my tags have been so long today jdfk feeling chatty bc of how bored i am lmao

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jakowskis · 1 month

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when torchwood's fucked up or the characters do smth fucked up n ppl r like "thats ooc it shouldnt be like that" as if this isnt the insane fucked up evil gay person show 🙄

#sss #im pettyposting but it rlly kills me when ppl r like 'owen being rude/cruel to tosh is ooc' smth's not ooc if it consistently happens 🤓#n ppl who dont like the subject matter. why r u here #like i get having a specific trigger but when ppl whine abt how dark it is overall?? its the Dark and Edgy™ show it's their job #ok im done im done. sorry im feeling mean is it the planets. maybe its the planets #some mercury in retrograde shit or smth JAAHJDFSKJ jk #txt

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shinkai-kaiju · 10 months

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i genuinely hate any wave of human history that has us like. Breed an animal to do a Job for us and then we just go "ok now I want them all dead" and it's always for some goddamned arbitrary reason that is inherently our fault and not at all the fault of the animal

#I always joke that I feel that way about pigs just bc they MEGA freak me out but. Like. Animals have value even without hsving jobs #and its very cruel to make an animal good at a job n then replace them and then decide their dpecies as a whole shouldnt live anymore #its very arrogant #people are like that with pigeons a lot n i always have tor emind them that WE BRED PIGEONS. A LOT OF MODERN PIGEONS ARE DESCENDENTS OF >#DOMESTIC PIGEONS WE KEPT AND THEN NO LONGER WANTED #AND NOW YOU WANNA KILL THEM?#im like getting rlly mad about this actually so onvs im gonna go jog about it but #how dare we.#im sure its just a big stupid twitter thing mostly but by god those ppl have never met an animal #at worst calling for the extermination of an animal is just being an entitled dick #even worse than that though is absolutely weaponizing the removal of work animals #LIKE horse-pulled carts n carriages in palestine (and MUCH less evil is in cameroon)

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niishi · 5 months

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my fave thing about my personal nortnaib hc imagination palace is that everyone is afraid of norton except for naib and no one is afraid of naib except for norton

#they rlly see each other #all anyone would have to do is tell norton to kill himself and it would push him over the edge #hes scary and mean and they have a right to be afraid of him but naibs not #bc naib knows hes a depressed pussy living out of spite alone #also naib could skin him alive in .02 seconds flat #no ones afraid of naib bc hes a manlet who eats sweets and has stuffed animals #but they should be bc he WILL kill u if he has to #naib is a sensitive empathic baby tho and he cares about nortons depression and all that gay stuff #he has kinda a savior complex #and a caregiver complex #norton is working on being a human but he sees naib as his possession #naibs the only person norton will be vulnerable with #but hes codependent he just wants someone to baby and coddle him #and pat his head and say “there there” when hes sad #he prob feels safe doing that w naib bc naib is so small he has a fake sense of security #but also naib is so strong and a killing machine that norton feels hes the only one whos safe being that intimately close w him #bc norton has tendencies to snap and become a rlly cruel person #even to naib #naib feels security with norton bc even tho hes a skilled merc and all hardcore #inside hes rlly just a small soft lil guy and he wants a big manly man to protect him #also naib has violent ptsd and night terrors and nortons big enough to hold him down #and naib doesnt wanna inflict that on anyone else #but he doesnt feel bad w norton bc nortons a dick and even tho its not intentional #he deserves to get beaten up sometimes #naib provides everything norton codependently needs from a person so he's taken ownership of naib to fulfill that need #naib is so caring he doesnt wanna inflict his issues on good ppl but he also needs to be a caregiver to someone who needs someone #so he codependently relies on norton for that #they are completely codependent #but they fulfill each others needs and wants almost perfectly #they're so toxic i love them

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nappingpaperclip · 9 months

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sometimes I’d really like to believe people are kind but sometimes it is hard. today a food bank slammed the door in my face

#I was running late but still got there like 10 mins before they were supposed to close #ik it was late but like idk. I feel like. if I was a food bank worker I would not turn someone away even if they came in after close.#I never want to be That Guy but like. It’s a food bank… and they were incredibly cruel about it. literlaly slammed the door in my face and #wouldn’t answer again so I could ask where the truck would be tomorrow #I saw them helping someone right before me #they weren’t even supposed to be closed yet #lol #live laugh love #a food bank run by a Christian church so much for helping the poor ig #I love not being able to afford food and basic needs despite working almost full time lol #.txt #vent #sorry for venting on main I just am so. Like idek what fo say ab this it just made me rlly lose hope in people again bfnfhn #I wish people were not so cruel

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thwackk · 2 years

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in my quiet absence my mind has been going fucking crazy over phantom of the opera. where you see silence, I am suffering

#this is a joke #phantom of the opera #if you have not seen it go watch it right now it will change your life #the royal albert hall version specifically #but the movie is pretty great too #i rlly feel like the post that says ‘the world is a cruel unforgiving place’ then 2 mins later ‘omg phantom of the opera!’

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dangaer · 1 year

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i know a lot of people get mad at it but tbh shin really looks out for the heroine in spade and diamond route.

#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#I SAID. WHAT I SAID.#people absolutely despise him in ikk.i's route which is honestly fair if thats how you feel im never gonna be like HOW DARE YOU #but the reality is is that while shins words are very cruel in certain parts ( cannot deny that and he should apologise for them )#at the same time. ik.ki was currently flirting with other women openly and not just “for work” and then he was also lumped in to having an #extra shift because a girl couldnt come into work as she was rejected by him. i would be mad too ...#but also like. at near the end of the route he makes a point to actively help them out which is his way of showing his support for them #like ... as a friend the way he looks out for the heroine is rlly remarkable.#its the same with diamond world bc for context. shin has done A LOT to help the heroine and her love for toma for this route #shins been papparazi #probs had to go round his face and find out random facts #he's always round toma's it just happens #but like. he actively gets involved when he starts to notice things aren't right and tom.a's getting restrictive #like he actively takes that role to help the heroine out. as a friend thats a really incredible thing to do #and SEE HAPPEN #it gives a good message despite the countless bad ones that surround it.#shin ONLY gets concerned when things dont feel right for him. and he backs off when hes proven wrong. hes genuinely got a soft heart ...#I PROMISE.#anyway. ull never guess whos character page ive done today--- FGSGFDGS i got lost in playthrough vids bc i forgot some of the events in #joker world so may have to revise that part #but we will see #i forgot how difficult bios are im ngl people who do them all in like a week are incredible mine are taking me literally 4+ hours and they #dont even look like 4 hours of work. gonna do my pages a lil diff tomorrow to see if that helps and then go from there somehow #TBD.#im emotional its 2:30am and im emotional about shin again 2022 is coming back to me

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legobatjoker · 2 years

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whats more insane than in merlin episode 2x04 when merlin and arthur have that long convo about arthur and how he likes “gwen” except its clearly about how arthur likes MERLIN. and they both know this.. or possibly only arthur knows it… or perhaps most possible of all? neither of them know it.

#also i am no further than this episode so no spoiler pls #if for some reason u watched this show before the year 2022… which is the exact right year to watch all of bbc’s merlin…#bcuz bcuz bcuz #the way right before the scene starts its like arthur has one of the most rare moments ever where he actually says smthing non mean to #merlin and is like ‘sorry i shldnt have risked ur life’#and merlins like ‘haha well they do say love makes you do strange things..’ and arthurs like ‘what r u talking abt??’#and merlins like ‘just admit you have feelings for gwen’ and its like hmm. yeah. for gwen #and merlins like ‘why cant u just admit you like her’#and then theres the whole drawn out thing of arthur being like ‘bcuz nothing can eve happen btwn us!! so i cant bcuz it hurts😫 too much😫’#like ‘my father would never allow it’#and then when merlin goes ‘but when youre king you can change that..’ and arthurs like ‘i cant except ..guinievre(idk spell) ..to wait’#and the way theyre soo far apart physically for all this like so far apart and rhen merlin comes right up to say. ‘if she feels the same-#-she’ll wait for you.’#INSANE. INSANITY. INSANE #castle.txt #what if i posted this then went directlt ro sleep #also what’s more insane is. gwen and lance r rlly cute actually i like them a lot… like. ourhhhhggghg #also this episode was unimaginably cruel for the ‘nobody cares abt u’ evil speech delivered the gwen.:((((.. pls no..#i mean idk im willing to be proven wrong on the lance thing but idk. i mean obv gwen/morgana is quite real too #which! when i forst started watching i thought like #gwen/morgana was invented by internet girlies who wanted to shove the girl love interests together to make way for their gay boy ship #and like. that it wasnt real and j a woke excuse to not pay attention to the girls and why they arent w the boys #but actually they do have a real lesbian thing going on fr. i cld talk abt it but ill wait #god can u believe im merlinposting. i love myself❤️❤️❤️ I MUST SLEEP..

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munamania · 2 years

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i feel like. i really do need to try to just get over this and not keep hoping it works out based on. anything. and it sucks because i like her so much. i like her smile and i like her voice and i like listening to her talk about anything and i like how she likes to organize and i like her showing off her little business lessons and today i saw some little moles on her cheek and went :( that’s so cute and i like her grandpa socks and her hands and. ugh. i really like her laugh and when she looks at me and she’s leaning forward laughing i could like combust fully. and i really really wish it was easier to not like her. 😖 ok diary entry rant over

#film girl saga #i’m seeing her friday. i invited her to come hang with some other film ppl too if she’s free and well.#i doubt she’ll be there. she was like oh idk if anything’s going on we’ll see maybe! and like. yeah ok maybe #but i just feel like this is my last time i should uh. throw anything out there particularly if she never does the same yk #and well. while she does talk to me and whatever like. what if i really am just the weirdo film class person she talks to.#fair enough to have entertaining classes but never rlly. wanting to go beyond that #sigh. it just sucks. like whether i’ve been delusional all this time or not having to just. try to not think abt it is so hard #because i do look forward to every monday to see her #and even if i wanted to forget her. jesus everyone i meet lately has her name or it comes up somehow or something else happens and i think #of her and i gotta just like rewire my brain but it’s like my surroundings are so cruel for constantly making me think of her #when i have to just accept that. she had a boyfriend. she may very well be very happy with him. she might be straight!#and i’ve spent soooo long just. thinking something is here. something feels right. and i might just have been massively mistaken. lol #and i’m alone in sitting here thinking about how much i enjoy spending time with her. because she has him. and other people #lol. whatever #she didn’t say oh if nothing else is going on shshshd that would suck she was just like Oh yk! maybe. ya ok..

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lilyblossoming · 2 years

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#ok i dont want ppl to hate my mom or think she's 100 bad and cruel and abusive bc shes not #her dad was apparently rlly awful #and hurt herr younger sister #and she was the eldest sister and had to tak care of her fam along with her mom at a young age #and they never got enough protein so mom is small #growin up in china in the 70s as a poor family in a tiny town #i feel for her #and i remember how affectionate she is #but she still made a looot of mistakes and is too emotional #and focus on her feelings over mine #like ik im an adult now but im still her kid #mom had to take of her mom so she thinks its normal #plus fility the value in asian cultures #mom i wish we (and baba) can all go to therapy and heal

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valpuduzz · 19 days

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vent continued here but plz ignore this, for some reason venting on tumblr makes me feel slightly better 😭

#the meowing of a cat 🐱#sometimes i cant focus on talking to him because all i want to do is confess my love to him but i cant #because he doesnt feel the same way and it's very obvious my feelings are not platonic in the slightest #my crush is the sweetest person ever and i know he is only forcing himself to be my friend because he's so nice #i dont know if ive been creepy or weird but i know he finds me weird and it fucking destroys me. but i rlly just want him to be honest #if he hates me it will destroy me so fucking badly but also i want him to do what is best for him #and if that's to get away from me i support him #i dont even know why i think he hates me. ive been trying my best not to show my overflowing love for him and i try to be a normal friend #god. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this i hate this i hate this #i hate this because my fucking ROMANTIC FEELINGS have clouded me from focusing on my TRUE friendships #i love my friends so fucking much i know they will never leave me and will never hate me #but ofc my three month crush apparently has more priority according to my brain -_-#i want to spend as much time as i can with him and i want to learn as much as i can abt him #and i hate it because i love my friends. i miss my friends but everytime im not with my crush i feel like he's going to forget me #i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself so fucking much #i dont know why im like this #i guess when i get attached to something i get very attached #i miss my friends but i get so on edge when im not with my crush #because my dumbass thinks i have a chance even though it's very fucking clear my chances are 0%#and i will never ever ever be someone special to him #i will never even have a special platonic relationship with him like my other friends. i will only just be a friend #he will never look at me the way i see him and that's fine with me but at the same time i wish i could send my overflowing love to him #i want to rot this summer. i dont deserve the people who actually see me as someone special #im a very cruel person. im sorry to my friends and my crush. im sorry

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