Tumgik
#it felt like culinary crime
batrachised · 9 months
Text
Adventures in Maud's Recipes
Tomato Jelly Salad
The Recipe
It's been a while since I've picked up LMM's cookbook, after the successes of the New Moon Pie, the cornbread, and the potato soup! I experienced hit after hit - New Moon pie was light and delectable, the cornbread a taste of Eden, and the potato soup apparently academy award worthy. Why at this point, I thought to myself, I should trust Maud's judgement implicitly when it comes to the dinner table. But then I pondered: I'd only tried the recipes that are difficult to get wrong. What if I tried one of the more out there recipes? Cornbread is one thing; raisin pie another. I considered my options. There was dandelion wine, but that required wild dandelions and I didn't feel like curling up with a book and a glass of pesticide; salmon jello molds (yes, really) but that was too much for me (there are some paths even I dare not tread for the sake of lm montgomery); or, I found, there was the aforementioned tomato jelly salad. This salad involves tomato juice, vinegar, onion, sugar (hold on, now we get crazy) which you combine with gelatine to make a jello (keep holding on) and then while the molds are forming, you add a vegetable such as peas or cabbage. For the crunch, I suppose. After all, everyone wants their jello to be crunchy. For obvious reasons, I hesitated. While I do not hate jello, I am suspicious of jello combined with tomatos and peas. In fact, it took me months to build up the emotional resilience to try. Yet, try, I have, and you shall hear of it.
The Results
After a rather disastrous mold experience (I made the mistake of pouring into a floppy dish instead of a metal one, thus meaning any movement of the dish resulted in tomato jello liquid everywhere), we landed on this:
Tumblr media
Do you see the peas? Waiting, in the jello like little minnows? What's not to like about this presentation? I love all of my meals to look like bloodsoaked peas. I go for "Veggie Tales mass murder" when it comes to meal presentation, personally.
After bravely moving past the Veggie Tales crime scene, I popped a piece out onto a plate. Here's what it looked like out of the mold (featuring wizard hat roommate's banana chips in the background, my food photography skills are truly impeccable):
Tumblr media
That looks vaguely pretty, if it weren't for the peas. One last photo - much like a crime scene, I feel obligated to provide photos from multiple angles. The mold is definitely molding. I suppose you could argue this is vaguely Christmas themed due to the red and green.
Tumblr media
The Review
You're supposed to eat this wrapped in a lettuce leaf, but I detest lettuce leaves in that form and refused to do so. I would take this pure, raw, unfiltered by any form. Wizard Hat Roommate insisted on watching as I took the first bite. Tremulously, I took up the fork. Would it taste all right? Would the texture be too much? Would Lucy Maud deliver? I paused, then boldly took a bite.
I want you to imagine the flavor of ketchup. Then I want you to imagine this flavor transmitted via the medium of jello. Then on top of that, as the cherry on this veggie tales sundae, I want you to imagine this ketchup has peas in it. Needless to say: I did not enjoy it. It tasted wrong...disordered...as if the earth itself shuddered as I bit into it. Is this how Frankenstein felt, feeling his creation lurking in every corner of the world? Haunted by the work of his own two hands?
Okay, in all honesty: it wasn't that bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. The taste was okay - I didn't like it but it wasn't disgusting. The texture was weird - I didn't like it but it wasn't disgusting. The two combined admittedly pushed it, but it only toed the line of being gag worthy.
It didn't help that the color of the jello meant my subconscious kept expecting a sweet cherry flavor, only for my mouth to meet vinegary tomato and peas. Ketchup jello with peas on top is not for me personally, though I won't speak for anyone else. Wizard Hat Roommate insisted on trying one, and actually finished hers. She described it as something she'd never make, but she could eat. We shall see if Clifford Roommate has the same opinion.
So, what would I rate this? Well, if a zero is a mouse in a pudding sauce, and a ten is Susan's monkey paws, I rate it Aunt Martha's ditto served cold and topped with peas.
36 notes · View notes
yuri-is-online · 11 months
Note
I feel like Octavinelle would all respond pretty well to you being lonely tbh
Azul: Bullied, lonely child? Only two friends made because he was "fun" enough and felt at risk of losing them? If you talk about being lonely he MIGHT bring up a contract, but I could also see your honesty being met by the most clumsy olive branch of him stammering that HE could be your friend... since hes so generous, of course (liar he wants a friend too)
Floyd: What?! That's no fun! Being lonely almost as bad as being bored! He kind of thrives on attention/entertainment so I feel like his solution is just to drag you wherever he goes. YOU have to be the one to say that no, you have to go to your own class not his.
Jade: While I do think he would be most manipulative if you told him you're lonely, I think it would be tame - akin to "hey eat this weird mushroom" or dragging you on a hike you are NOT experienced enough for as his "requirements" for companionship. He wouldn't stop hanging out if you refused, he really just likes seeing your reactions. I also don't think he'd ever kick you out of a room he's in, and he'd do his own thing while you do yours
I'm so glad you sent this because I was just thinking while I was settling to sleep that I had a lot more to say but was worried a separate post might be too much.
All Three
If there is one thing Twisted Wonderland does really well it's acknowledging the inhuman aspects of its characters. Malleus has so much magic he fails to solve problems without it, Ruggie has really sensitive hearing, Leona talks about smell a lot etc.
Point being the trio has a bunch of things they find weird about life on land. They're not really going to make fun of Yuu for feeling out of place. Assuming they don't trip and fall a whole bunch, that's just too easy.
They're technically new up here too yeah? Let them show you the ropes.
Azul
He's surprisingly soft with Yuu during events. Especially if you pick dialogue options that show intelligence or planning.
Tumblr media
^ this happens if you get why he's selling salad cups I think?
Tumblr media
^ and this one is if you assume you'll be using the bell of salvation to destroy the flowers
My one amendment to your idea is that I don't think he'd be shy about it at all. He'd be putting forward a show of confidence because of how he was slighted in the past. He would think your friendship was the most natural conclusion in the whole world.
Your smart. He's smarter. Together you could make some real magic! And maybe play some board games. He could use some time to relax.
Floyd
Completely right. I already talked a lot about him in my original answer, but I do think he enjoys hanging out with Yuu when he's in the mood to be social.
Tumblr media
He's got all of that extrovert energy Idia's so afraid of, and if you start indulging him, you won't get to stop. I think he'd be really happy to have someone go along with what it is he wants to do no matter how outlandish it gets. Even better if you look like you're having fun!
I could see him say that you "owe him" for hanging out with you when he wants some of your food though.
Tumblr media
Jade
Oh? You're lonely? What a shame. How horrible. Terrible really.
That must mean you'll have no problem signing up for his club right? Because that's very much what I could see him doing. He really wants another member to order arou- I mean enjoy the mountains with.
Tumblr media
^ If you tell Epel you will be "Here for whatever [the team] needs." When he asks you to help run the Pit Stop, Jade immediately decides this means you will commit a crime for him. Which to be fair-
I would object to the bit about taking you on a hike you're unqualified for though. He tells you not to try climbing Mount Moln until you've done an easier one first.
Tumblr media
Obviously I agree about the sketchy mushrooms. If he's brave enough to walk into the Culinary Crucible with them, what's Ramshackle?
Him coming to the Ramshackle guest room to sit quietly while you both do your own thing is something he'd really enjoy. You make much more interesting faces when he gives you a break from his teasing.
359 notes · View notes
eepwtf · 30 days
Text
UPCOMING BOTS / BOT DUMP!!
i’m a sucker for the fall season, every and any season CANNOT top the fall season at all. which is why i’m making (some) horror/halloween inspired bots—even if there’s like 70 something days till halloween. along with a few random bots i've done and going to do.
Tumblr media
tvdu ☆彡
Kai Parker: 𓏲ּ ghostface au! 𓂃
after you caught his eyes, he had an inexplicable curiosity over you. every step you took, every conversation you had with other people, he was there, watching you from afar. of course, that didn’t sedate his curiosity over you. so, when someone in your orbit ventured a little too close, he took matters into his own hands—quite literally. he gutted the perceived threat, the world around him narrowing into a singular focus: you. to him, it wasn’t just a crime; it was an artistic expression, a violent confession of his feelings woven into a tapestry of blood and chaos. He crafted his work with meticulous care, each stroke of the blade a declaration of his affection. yet, in the heat of his actions, a twist of fate caught him off guard—there you were, witnessing it all. Elena Gilbert: 𓏲ּ halloween costumes 𓂃
caroline's halloween party loomed on the horizon, a spectral deadline that demanded perfection. every cobweb, jack-o'-lantern, and plastic skeleton needed to be meticulously placed. the entire event had to be flawless, a masterpiece of festive horror. you, however, felt a different kind of dread. social gatherings weren't your forte, and the thought of navigating a sea of costumed strangers made your stomach churn. but elena, with her infectious enthusiasm, had other plans. she'd already amassed an army of costumes for you to try on, each one more outrageous than the last. as she twirled before you in a dizzying parade of personas—from sultry vampire to whimsical fairy—her eyes sparkled with anticipation, silently demanding your opinion on each piece of clothing she’d modeled on herself. Elena Gilbert: 𓏲ּ cookies and kisses 𓂃
elena passion for baking was palpable, even if she wasn't a seasoned expert. what truly brought her joy was your presence in the kitchen, your willingness to join her culinary adventures. she cherished those moments when you'd sample her latest creations, those little baking treats she'd present with such enthusiasm. as you took that first bite, elena's eyes would light up, watching intently for your reaction. the moment you'd let out a contented groan of approval, a proud smile would bloom across her face, warming her from within. in those sweet instances, she felt a sense of accomplishment that went beyond the mere act of baking—it was about the connection, the shared experience, and the simple pleasure of making someone she cared for happy through her heartfelt efforts. Bonnie Bennett: 𓏲ּ season of the witch ( witch!user ) 𓂃
bonnie had gone to your place for witchcraft lessons, bringing some herbs you had specifically asked for, and of course, she brought the most important thing she needed for the lessons. herself. she knew that the lessons you were teaching her were more advanced, and that she needed to pay attention but as you began to explain the complex theories and gestures, she found her concentration wavering. your shoulder pressed against hers as you demonstrated a particularly intricate hand movement, the warmth of your body so close to hers, the subtle scent of herbs that clung to your skin, the intensity in your eyes as you spoke of each spell - it all combined to make her head spin.
Damon Salvatore: 𓏲ּ lost in your iris 𓂃
damon tried to fight his feelings for you, but you were his weakness. he sees you completely, and he’d do anything to have you near him. every glance you exchanged pulled him deeper into a world only you inhabited, where his heart raced and his resolve faltered. he yearned to lose himself in those captivating eyes, longing to feel the gentle spark of your existence beside him. Klaus Mikaelson: 𓏲ּ so confusing 𓂃
klaus wrestled with uncertainty, his feelings for you a tangled web of emotions. some days, he was convinced you harbored a deep-seated dislike for him, your every glance and gesture seeming to confirm his fears. other times, he caught himself nurturing a grudging resentment towards you, though he couldn't quite pinpoint its origin. despite all of that, he persistently suggested grabbing drinks. it had become his go-to solution, a way to bridge the gap between you two–or perhaps to blur the lines of your complicated relationship. so, inevitably, you'd find yourselves perched on barstools in some dimly lit establishment, nursing your drinks, surrounded by the hum of stranger's conversations. the atmosphere was always thick with unspoken words and lingering glances. sometimes, you'd manage to fall into an easy rhythm, laughing at shared jokes and swapping stories about your day. in these moments, the confusion would recede, and a genuine connection seemed possible. but more often than not, an awkward tension would creep in. silences stretched too long, laughter felt forced, and both of you would become hyper-aware of every word and gesture. ( this is actually my fav rn!! )
Klaus Mikaelson: 𓏲ּ his muse 𓂃
klaus always found himself getting lost in the dance of his hands across the canvas, transforming the lifeless white expanse into a vibrant masterpiece. the studio was his sanctuary, a world inhabited only by his artistic vision and you—his ethereal muse. in his eyes, you were the embodiment of perfection, and his brush strokes captured your essence without flaw. the art, a mirror of his perception, revealed no imperfections, for in his mind, you were utterly flawless.
spn ⟢
Dean Winchester: ๑ ︵ angels and halloween ( angel!user ) ᵎᵎ
you were an angel, which meant that you had no idea about humans, especially in their tradition of halloween. so when dean catches you staring at the halloween decor, and costumes in a store, he goes out of his way to make this a memorable halloween for the angel. he planned an elaborate evening, starting with pumpkin carving. your first attempt at pumpkin carving was... unique. the face you created had a lopsided grin and mismatched eyes, one comically larger than the other. next came costume selection, where the two of you went to the nearest halloween, a warehouse-sized space filled with endless racks of costumes and accessories. you browsed through countless options: superheroes, movie characters, mythical creatures. dean suggested a sexy devil costume with a mischievous grin, but you firmly declined, not finding the humor in it. ( i think this is my top 2 fav! )
Dean Winchester: ๑ ︵ insatiable ( vamp!user ) ᵎᵎ
dean’s fangs throbbed with an insatiable hunger, a primal urge he struggled to contain. every pulse of blood rushing through nearby veins called to him like a siren's song. the warmth radiating from human bodies sent shockwaves of desire coursing through his undead form. but resistance only seemed to intensify the craving. his heightened senses picked up on every nuance—the slight sheen of sweat on exposed skin, the rhythmic thump of hearts, the tantalizing scent of life itself. through it all, you observed him drinking in his struggle like a fine wine, with a knowing smirk playing at the corners of your mouth. your eyes sparkled with amusement, fully aware of the internal battle raging inside dean. you knew exactly what he craved—what he needed. and yet here you stood, taunting him, daring him to give in to his darkest impulses.
Dean Winchester: ๑ ︵ dark magic ( witch!user ) ᵎᵎ
dean wasn’t that awfully nice when it came down to witches or anything surrounding the supernatural. everything he stood suddenly disappeared when it came to you, logic fled and instinct reigned. your very existence seemed to weave an enchantment around him, bending his iron will as easily as a whisper bends a candle flame. in your orbit, he became a different man—softer, more open, as if you alone held the key to unlocking a hidden part of his soul. but your influence was not without cost. your magic, steeped in shadow, left a trail of upheaval in their wake. chaos bloomed wherever you tread, a dark garden of your own making. ( not sure i might stick with this plot, but am so hhhng im lazy )
Dean Winchester: ๑ ︵ might say somethin stupid ᵎᵎ
after a long, exhausting hunt, dean heads to a nearby bar to unwind. weighed down by the night's events, he orders a drink and surveys the room. his attention is quickly drawn to a stunning individual sitting a few stools away. intrigued, dean moves closer, captivated by their effortless beauty and presence. deciding to engage, he buys them a drink and leans in, confidently flirting with a playful question about their relationship status, hoping to shift the mood and distract himself from the tension of the hunt.
Sam Winchester: ๑ ︵ bloody date ᵎᵎ
it was catastrophic. sam knew, deep in his bones, what you truly were. he might have chastised himself for harboring feelings for you, convinced he was teetering on the edge of insanity as his heart clenched painfully within his chest at the mere thought of your presence. but fuck, you were worth it right? this date, however, shattered any remaining illusions. it was meant to be an intimate affair—small, meaningful, a cherished memory in the making. well, you sure as hell made it memorable for him to ever forget it. there you stood, fangs sunk deep into your helpless victim, crimson rivulets painting the edges of your mouth like some macabre artwork.
slashers ☆彡
Brahms Heelshire: ୭ ∿ i'll be good ∿
you had reluctantly accepted the nanny position, despite the suspiciously high salary. the isolated manor and eccentric heelshire family raised red flags, but desperation silenced your misgivings. nothing, however, could have prepared you for the absurdity of your charge – a porcelain doll named brahms. initially, you played along with the charade, following the strict rules set by the heelshires. but as days turned to weeks, an unsettling truth emerged. the real brahms was no doll, but a grown man, which in hindsight would be something to be freaked out about but for you it was fine, however the fact that the brahms could be a little too clingy was the problem. simple errands became ordeals. attempts to leave the property triggered tantrums, brahms clinging to you not wanting you to leave him.
Patrick Bateman: ୭ ∿ touch starved ∿
patrick never considered himself a touch-starved person. in fact, he often thrived in the artificial perfection of his meticulously curated life. he relished the combination of power suits and high-stakes finance, his existence orchestrated with a calculated precision that left no room for vulnerability. but from the moment you entered his life, everything changed. he found himself drawn to you like a moth to a flame, craving your touch in a way that defied his logical mind. in the upscale restaurants you frequented—places with starched tablecloths, crystal stemware, and prices that made most people wince—patrick's behavior shifted noticeably. while he once sat rigidly across from his dining companions, maintaining a respectable distance, with you he couldn't bear even that small separation. he'd guide you to the plush booth seating, sliding in close enough that your thighs touched beneath the table. as you perused the menu, his arm would find its way around your shoulders, fingers absently tracing patterns on your skin. during the meal, he'd lean in unnecessarily close to murmur observations about the food or other patrons, his breath warm against your ear. as the evenings wore on, patrick found increasingly creative ways to maintain contact. he'd reach across the table to adjust your napkin or brush an imaginary crumb from your cheek. Patrick Bateman: ୭ ∿ feeling bratty? ∿
patrick felt more on edge as time passed, a tightening coil of frustration that wound ever tighter within him. when the tension reached its boiling point, he reacted instinctively, striking out like a stray cat cornered and threatened, hissing and baring its tiny fangs. in that moment of vulnerability, his anger found an outlet in the nearest target—unfortunately, that target was you. deep down, he recognized his own insufferable behavior; he could feel the weight of it pressing down on him. he watched as you scoffed at his provocations or simply ignored his taunts, and each dismissive reaction stoked the flames of his irritation. the more you turned away, the more desperately he sought your attention, despite knowing the fire he was playing with could easily burn him.
misc ⟢
Soldier Boy: 𓂃 ꒰ freak show ꒱
Ben never imagined he'd find himself at the entrance of a peculiar circus, its weathered sign proclaiming "freak show" in faded letters. for weeks, vought's pr team had hounded him relentlessly, insisting that this appearance would be "good for public relations" and "humanize" him in the eyes of the masses. ben had scoffed at first, but their persistence wore him down like water on stone. now, here he was, surrounded by wide-eyed gawkers and the constant buzz of excited whispers. as the show began, ben found himself oddly captivated. each act was more outlandish than the last - contortionists twisting their bodies into impossible shapes, fire-breathers painting the air with flames, and strongmen hefting weights that should have been beyond human capability. but then, as the ringmaster's booming voice announced the next act, the tent fell into a hushed silence. a single spotlight illuminated the center ring, and ben's breath caught in his throat. there you were. the aerialist.
Stiles Stilinski: 𓂃 ꒰ favorite monster ꒱
stiles was well versed when it came down to the supernatural, he read every book, myth, and stories when it came to the supernatural. was well aware of the dangers of ghosts, werewolves, vampires the whole gist, you name it he undoubtedly knows it all. of course, you were a different case, a unique case that even though he knew the dangers about being a vampire he couldn’t for the life of himself get away from you. every late-night conversation and shared secret made it harder for him to keep his distance. as the two of you walked through the forest, discussing everything from pop culture to existentialism, it was at the very instant that your sudden laugh made his heart race. the warmth in your eyes and the way you would brush your hand with his rendered him utterly transfixed. he wondered how it was possible to feel so electrified and safe in the presence of someone who was, by all accounts, a threat. Stiles Stilinski: 𓂃 ꒰ you're ghostface ꒱
stiles didn’t know what to expect when the rumors of a serial killer began circulating in their small town. the gossip, dripping with fear and intrigue, shattered the fragile peace of beacon hills. as he stumbled through the dimly lit alley, the unmistakable glint of a knife illuminated by the flickering light from the nearby streetlamp caught his eye, and as the scene grew clearer, every hope he'd entertained shattered like glass. you, standing over a crumpled figure on the ground, the knife still gleaming in your hand, ghostface mask perched above your head. stiles had known you—i mean, really known you. the fact it was you, who was said killer made his stomach churn. he felt as though the ground had been pulled from beneath him, leaving him suspended in disbelief.
Madison Montgomery: 𓂃 ꒰ bitchy!user ꒱
madison's initial reaction to your caustic demeanor was a blend of irritation and intrigue. it catches her off guard; she's unaccustomed to having her façade challenged so directly. your unwavering stance and refusal to be cowed gnaws at her composure, chipping away at the armor of superiority she's cultivated. yet, beneath her outward indignation, she finds herself grudgingly impressed. your razor-sharp retorts and quick wit present a novel challenge—one that simultaneously infuriates and exhilarates her.
Madison Montgomery: 𓂃 ꒰ tobacco lips ꒱
before her death, madison was already dead inside. numb to the world, she craved to feel—anything. she chased oblivion through a haze of flesh, drugs, and alcohol, desperately seeking to drown the echoes of her past. each indulgence was a futile attempt to erase the memories: her mother's absence, her asshole of a father, the relentless scrutiny of the press, and the string of lovers who had taken pieces of her without leaving anything in return. she had found her way to the nearest bar, her face, heavily caked with makeup, felt like a mask weighing her down. her once-pearly teeth, now tobacco-stained, hid behind a sneer. the dress she'd chosen, meant to turn heads, only succeeded in making her look cheap rather than alluring. she navigated the crowded gathering with a practiced arrogance, projecting an aura of superiority she didn't feel. a fresh cigarette dangled from her lips, the filter stained with lipstick—a silent testament to her desperation. her words flowed freely, empty promises spilling from her mouth to the eager ears of men old enough to know better. then, through the haze of smoke and poor decisions, she saw you. beautiful, poised you—the coven's rising star, their future supreme. you stood surrounded by distinguished men, everything madison's admirers lacked. everything madison herself lacked. shame crashed over madison, as darted out, trying to get away from your sight.
might fix some of these but …. probably not anyway! @eppwtf on c.ai 😛
50 notes · View notes
lazybutsmexy · 2 years
Text
Choices have consequences
Tumblr media
Alejandro Vargas x reader (GN)
Warning: light angst, culinary crimes, talk about past food insecurity.
Summary: There is an unwritten rule that you assumed Alejandro would have learned by now, after three years of committed relationship: don't anger the cook. You were wrong.
On AO3
A/N: I'm like, five vodka cocktails in. If there are any mistakes I'll fix them when I'm sober. Also I got inspired by @ragingbookdragon 's badass reader because I just know Alejandro is. So. Whipped.
When you had decided to move in together, an arrangement was made: all household chores would be shared when he was present, but you would be in charge of meal planning and cooking.
It was a convenient set-up for the two of you; you wouldn't be burdened with all the chores when he was off-duty, and would only look after your own load of housekeeping when you were by yourself. Besides, Alejandro was by no means an incapable man when cooking, you were just better than him in that regard - by a lightyear.
To you, cooking wasn't just a means to an end - it was an act of service, a declaration of love. And to date a passionate man as Alejandro, you showed the same passion for your culinary art.
The kitchen was your realm, and you were the regent. No matter whoever was going to be the recipient of your hard work, you always chose the finest ingredients. You loved to experiment with flavours and aromas. You had transformed an unused closet at the far end of your kitchen into a walk-in pantry - your spices occupied nearly an entire wall in there.
You put your heart and soul into every dish, it didn't matter if it was for Alejandro and you, a house full of guests, or just yourself. Those close to the both of you knew that a dinner invitation to your house meant a culinary experience that could rival that of a Michelin star restaurant.
And you were damn proud of yourself for that. You nurtured yourself on the faces of your guests when their head tilted slightly backwards, their eyes closed, and a soft moan escaped them as soon as they tried your meals. Alejandro himself had more than once interrupted himself from eating to cup your face in his hands and kiss you to thank you for your efforts.
Which is why the very words that came out of his mouth hit you like a train dead on.
Granted, he didn't say them to you directly, you overheard him on accident the previous day while he was talking on the phone. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he wasn't being secretive either. He was sitting in the living room, and the conversation was quite light-hearted, so you assumed that the topic was nothing related to his work. You still kept quiet, sneaking behind him to grab a book you had meant to start reading for a while.
The conversation had shifted to meals, somehow, and it caught your attention immediately when he mentioned some of the meals you often made. It never failed to warm your heart when he gushed about your culinary skills.
"...I mean, I appreciate the effort because it's such a hassle to cook and they do it all from scratch, but a few times it felt like I was eating rations in the field."
...What?
He couldn't be talking about your food, right?
...Right?
He ended his sentence with a chuckle, and you just stood there, fingers grasping the spine of the book. Your eyes were fixed on the shelf as his conversation moved on, his voice fading from your perception.
There was a weight on your chest that expanded to the bottom of your stomach and to the middle of your head, settling right behind your eyes. Knowing what was to come, you left the book in its place and walked back to the room you'd come from, just as quietly as you'd arrived.
After twenty minutes or so, you emerged from your hiding place, face freshly washed and - hopefully - no traces of the little angst marathon you went through. Alejandro still sat in the living room, this time he was watching a rerun of some fútbol match, completely unaware of the beast he had unknowingly set loose.
You walked straight to the kitchen with a newfound determination, a mission if you will. After gulping two cups of water to rehydrate yourself - and a quick prayer to your late abuela for forgiveness for the crime you were about to commit - you put your hands to work. You usually took about two hours to cook, but you were sure that you would be over much quicker than that.
You carefully washed, sliced, and prepared the main ingredients, making sure that the meal would have everything necessary to look absolutely normal. You were akin to an explosives expert assembling a bomb, every step carefully calculated to achieve your goal.
The light scent of that escaped from the pot caught Alejandro's attention, and he robotically moved to set the table. You stole a glance at him, finding him eager and looking forward to dinner with a tiny grin on his face.
Estúpido mimado.
A few more minutes passed and the rice stew was ready. You looked at it, quite bland and lacking some colour, and knowing exactly how it would taste. Memories from a time long past flashed in your mind and you forced yourself to shoo them away. Carefully, you brought the pot to the table and filled two plates - Alejandro's, like always, had a extra spoonful.
You both sat down and started eating. You kept your eyes on your plate as you heard him chomp down eagerly, then quietly slow down until pulling to a stop. You tried your best not to break into a devilish smirk as he finally spoke to you.
"... Mi amor?" He sounded confused, if not a bit concerned, "the food tastes... Uh... Different than usual."
"...Yeah?," You quipped, knowing exactly what was wrong with the food, it wasn't just bland. It was sick dog level of blandness. No spices at all, no herbs, not even salt. "I tried a new recipe today."
"Uh, okay?," He frowned a bit, slowly pushing the food around with his plate, wondering how to tell you that he didn't like it one bit, "it just... It has no spices...?"
You can't contain your smirk this time, it felt like getting away with a crime. It was a criminal masterpiece.
"Pues claro, mi amor," your voice was sweet, but the mirth in your tone couldn't be hidden, and ran a shiver down his spine, "I wanted to emulate the flavour of the rations you seem to love so much."
Alejandro blinked once, twice, and felt his blood run cold. Had you heard him?
"Mi amor-" he began, but you interrupted him, pointing your spoon to his face.
"Escúchame bien Alejandro Vargas," you scolded him and he gulped and shut his mouth, sitting straight in his chair, "this kind of food would've been a banquet for me growing up. The sort of food I so lovingly dedicate myself to prepare everyday is the result of my dreams and desires from when I was a kid, and you disrespected that by acting como un estúpido mimado."
"Pero claro," you pitch raised and Alejandro had flashbacks of his own mamá whenever he got a scolding, "el señor put my meals at the same level of the rations he gets from the army, which I know how they taste like and don't you forget that," you accentuated every syllable with the spoon, which was still pointed at his face. Alejandro gulped as he watched you, and you continued on, "so I decided that you will eat this meal - all of it - and be thankful for every meal you receive from today on, mine or the army's, because making fun of the meals I so lovingly make for you is the same as making fun of me as a kid who got this only when there was something to celebrate. Entendido?"
"...Si, mi vida," Alejandro stated with a nod, feeling like a little kid under your harsh glare, "cada palabra."
"Good," you nodded, and carried on with eating your own meal, "que sea la última vez."
Alejandro took a few seconds to carry on with his meal, making a mental note to bring you a bouquet of flowers in the morning with your breakfast.
719 notes · View notes
ohfuckthisisreal · 9 months
Text
Okay so I don’t write fanfiction anymore but as a new years treat for fellow Angela simps I just had to put something out. Please excuse any mistakes this is going out at 7 am and I haven’t slept yet. Enjoy!
Hot for Teacher
It was a shooting day in the Smosh Office and you couldn’t believe how lucky you were to be actually here. Smosh has been one of your favorite Channels since they started adding new cast members. Shows like Let’s do this or Culinary Crimes became your comfort watch after a hard day. So to be standing here, about to be in an actual video felt surreal. You started attending an Improv Class, to hone your skills because my god were you awkward for an 21 year old. You didn’t think much of your Professor at first, he was a little crazy and awkward himself but then you recognized him. It was Patrick, he worked as a writer for Smosh sometimes. You were stoked! Learning from someone who put out scripts for your favorite shows? It couldn’t get any better. When one day he came into class and offered us all to be in a video. It’s not like no was ever an option. So here you were, standing with your classmates, waiting to be called onto set.
„Hey!“ a voice called out.
You all turned to see Kimmy approaching you with Patrick in tow.
„Hey it’s so nice to finally meet you!“ Kimmy greeted you cheerfully. „How are you all feeling? Nervous or more excited?“
We all looked at each other mumbling a few yeahs before Hilary stepped up and started chattering „Honestly both! This is way cooler than I expected!“
„It’s pretty sick right“ Patrick grinned before he turned serious „so let me tell you how things are gonna go. We will go onto set which will kinda look like a classroom. Three cast members will then stand before you. They will have to ”teach“ you on a subject they chose and you will have to rank them on how well they did, educational value etc… sounds easy enough right?“
„So we treat this like a normal class basically?“ you asked this time.
„Yeah basically but don’t expect to learn anything“ Patrick joked. You grinned. You would be impressed if they actually managed to teach you something.
„Okay if the rules are all clear shall we move to the set?“ Kimmy asked.
We nodded and followed the two to the honestly pretty impressive classroom set. You all get settled, yourself choosing a seat at the back. Mics were put on you and cameras were turned on. Nerves started to manifest in you.
„This is it“ you thought „I’m about to be in a Smosh video!!“ The doors to the set opened and the nerves you had turned even more intense.
„Oh no“ you realized with quite horror and excitement that Angela was about to be one of the Teachers. This was fine. It’s not like you had a giant crush on her or anything. Nope. Totally fine.
„Okay, don’t think gay thoughts“ you felt yourself starting to sweat but you took some deep breaths to calm down „just pretend you’re not gay for an hour. Shouldn’t be that hard considering it took you 16 years to come out“ Granted you were only 21 but it’s the thought that counts right?
Taking one last deep breath you faced the front of the class with the most neutral face you could muster. Mics were put on Angela, Shayne and Tommy with some last minute discussions happening. The three seemed very nervous themselves. And then it was time. Patrick ushered them onto set and the tapes began rolling.
„Hello everyone!“ Patrick started talking „todays video will be an exciting one, that I can promise you. Recently I became an actual Professor, don’t laugh Ang!“ he jokingly glared at Angela who had her hand over her mouth to quieten her giggles.
„ it’s not that hard to believe“ an eye roll in her direction „anyways I started teaching an Improv class and these here are my students“ he gestured to you, you all getting the cue to wave or smile at the camera directed at you. Accidentally your eyes started to drift torwards Angela only to find her already staring at you. Hastily you diverted your gaze, cheeks beginning to turn a light red.
„Focus“ you chided yourself, face pulling back into a neutral position. Patrick’s talking bringing your attention forwards again.
„We thought it would be funny if some of our cast members would get a shot at attempting to teach. So we brought in my actual students to judge you and beware you will be judged harshly.“ He grinned. Tommy looked unbothered but Shayne and Angela were fidgeting, clearly nervous about this.
„So Tommy why don’t you go first?“ Patrick asked
„Sure“ Tommy shrugged. Angela and Shayne shuffling to the back. Right behind you.
„Oh no“ a subtle scent of Vanilla drafted up your nose as Angela passed by you, arm accidentally grazing yours. „Fuck she smells good too. God help me overcome this day without making a fool of myself.“ Tommys turn began and you can honestly say you did not pay the attention you were supposed to. The thought of Angela standing right behind you making you more anxious than you thought it would. Briefly you wondered if you would get to talk to her after the video was done but clapping interrupted your thoughts on that quickly. You clapped too, attempting to look like you’ve been listening.
„Alright! Give it up for Tommy. Not a bad first attempt but I also have to say I really don’t know where you were going with this. But go on Diane, let Angela take your place“ Patrick gestured to Angela, wanting her to be the next Teacher. You were confused. Who the hell was Diane?? What did you miss? Angela shuffled by you again, grazing your arm for a second time that day. Did she do that on purpose? The classroom wasn’t that small. As soon as she reached the front, she whirled around and began her presentation.
„Alright listen up folks. The name is Angela and I will be your teacher today but first check under your desk“ muttering and scattering filled the room as students moved their desk to look under it. A plastic bag filled with Candy was stuck to the bottom of it. Energy began filling the room at once. Was this bribery? If so it fucking worked. You glanced up happily grinning only to catch Angela’s gaze again. Her brown eyes looking at you briefly before giving you a quick wink, turning back to the rest of the class.
„ I had a plan for this once “ she spoke melancholy „ but then on a fateful night where I went roller blading with Patrick“ a glance in his direction found him chuckling to himself, most likely knowing where this is going.
„I broke my arm and man let me tell you it’s hard to think with only one functioning arm“ she joked. Was it funny? No but did you laugh? Of course you did. You were a simp for everything this woman did. An appreciative glance in your direction again.
„So instead of doing anything useful, how about a little q&a session huh folks?“ she perched on the edge of the desk and you were hit once again with how gay you were for this woman. You let your eyes rover over her starting from the bottom, making your way up, letting it end at her eyes that you realized with shock have been staring at you. Watching you check her balantly out. Averting your eyes and slouching at your desk you hope this will be over soon. This was beginning to get embarrassing. But what could you do. She was truly the most stunning woman you have ever seen and you were very very gay. Resolutely staring at your desk for the remainder of her turn you let her voice wash over you.
„maybe one day I’ll get to hear her sing live“ you wistfully smiled. Clapping erupted around you again and you quickly joined.
„Alright uh I don’t think this was the point of this but good try Angela?“ clearly Patrick was not impressed but still giving her two thumbs up to lesson the blow.
„Hey it was your fault I couldn’t get anything better done in time“ she teased. Making space for Shayne she slowly walked past your desk, fingers moving like slow mo in your direction only to lightly graze your neck. Shivers erupted on your body. Goosebumps trailing up your arm. You sat up straight. What the hell was that? Did she really?? You sneakily glanced behind you to where she stood with Tommy but she wasn’t acknowledging you this time. Shayne’s turn began and ended and you could honestly say you did not retain an ounce of information. Your mind replaying that moment over and over again. Patrick and the three “teachers“ gathered at the front to end the video. Yourself and your classmates getting called to do your individual interviews as soon as the camera stopped filming. You stood up, getting ready to walk to your designated area when a hand catches your arm. Angela’s face appearing in front of you. You blushed seeing her so up close.
„Come I’ll show you where you need to go!“ without even waiting for an answer she dragged you towards where your classmates are getting situated. Only she took a left turn, beginning to walk a little faster before lightly shoving you into what you assume is a closet or storage room.
„Hey uh what ar-„ you get cut off. By the pair of softest lips you have ever kissed. You melt into it, sighing into her mouth when her fingers began to tangle into your hair. Angela broke the kiss for a moment.
„I saw you staring at me“ she husked into your ear „ and I can’t say I didn’t hate what I saw either. So here’s how this is gonna go. You call me, we meet up and you better be on your best behavior student“ the end of the sentence was growled, her voice low. You just nod. Your mouth refusing to form any words.
„Good“ she smirked „I’ll see you later then“ she winked, giving you one last kiss before vanishing from the room. You were left alone, a mess from just one kiss, looking down at the crumpled up note containing Angela’s phone number. „Holy shit“ this day did get in fact better.
66 notes · View notes
Text
pairing: kento nanami x f!reader
content: just two grumps being grumpy together, alcohol consumption, pathetically self ship coded!!
wc: ~ 1.3k
a/n: my poor lil attempt to write something again, don't judge too hard, i just needed to feel some comfort
Tumblr media
Whoever is in charge of the event has terrible taste in music, Kento Nanami mentally remarks, taking a small sip of the way more disgusting whiskey and placing the glass on the bar with an audible "clink". He wearily surveys the room, running his eyes over the expensive gilt-framed paintings, the elaborately inlaid furniture, and the huge elephant in the room in form of a grand black piano, that most definitely hasn't felt a human touch in at least a couple decades.
Myriads of stars are scattered across the ceiling in intricate patterns, like fluttering moths surrounding a lonely chandelier, decorated with what looks like tiny diamond droplets. It radiates a soft glow that seems to make even the faces of these people look pleasant somehow. He hates this place, or rather he has to hate it, because now it has become a nest of the most poisonous snakes - a reception for the richest, most prominent, most influential people in the city: the owners of the biggest financial companies that seem to own the whole world in their heads. Kento frowns, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly and cursing his boss for obliging him to attend it.
A quiet “Ughhhh, that’s disgusting,” snaps Nanami out of his thoughts, drawing him to turn in your direction, watching curiously as you spit out one of the appetizers and wrap it in a napkin. "This is a real culinary crime! Who the hell would think of ruining food so cruelly? Ugh, I should sue them for the moral damage this appetizer just did to me". Reaching for your glass, you took a couple sips and held it out to your boyfriend, cringing, "and serving people champagne like that is a crime too. I thought everything was top notch at these receptions," you paused, "you know I'm going to say this, but I'll say it anyways, here: I could have done it better...God, I need something to wash this disgusting taste down with."
"Of course you would, darling," Kento chuckles, "And I don't think there's anything edible here at all," he sets your glass on a tray of a passing waiter, "I'm afraid you're the only sweet thing here."
A death stare, that's what he sees, turning to you again. "Very funny," you roll your eyes playfully, nudging him lightly in the side, "I always wonder…how do they do that?" you motion your hand to the groups of people talking amongst themselves.
"Do what?" his tilts his head to the side, leaning closer to you, his arm goes around your waist, slowly stroking the curve of your hip.
"Pretending to like everything, from terrible food to engaging into conversations with people they can't stand. Sometimes I think their faces are about to crack from those strained smiles."
“Long years of practice, I think. I doubt they'd be much good at it if they didn't know how to cast fake smiles at every partner and then ruin their firms with the same grin."
"Atrocious," you give a dismissive glance to another pair of presumably millionaires fluffing up their feathers and parading like male birds in front of a couple of women.
"Sorry for bringing you here, I-" he doesn't have time to finish the sentence, feeling your arms tightly circle his torso.
"I don't mind at all, I might even enjoy standing here with you all grumpy and dissatisfied with everything and everyone. It's more fun together," you wink at him, stroking his back.
“Oh yeah, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be grumpy with,” he pauses, looking at your perplexed expression, “okay…” with a sigh he continues, “in my defense I might just say that it sounded less cheesy in my head”. You giggle, watching the tips of his ears turning red. “On the other note,” Kento’s hand flies up to gently caress the apple of your cheek with his thumb, “I know I’ve said it like a thousand times today but you look absolutely divine.”
And he means it, as much as he hates to be here, he thinks you are made for this. You are made to be surrounded by this splendor he believes he fails to give you. As if you'd stepped out of one of those ornate paintings, in that ethereal silk dress of yours and hairdo, you really do look like a deity to him, walking around your chambers.
And before he even gets a chance to tell you this, a loud “Nanamiiiiii,” thunders across the whole space, the approaching steps of his boss reverberate tenfold in Kento’s head, as he reluctantly lets go off you and turns to face the horror in the flesh.
"Our most reticent Nanami has finally shown the world his gorgeous chosen one," the nearly bald, stocky man approaches you two with a broad smile, plastered on his face, exposing his porcelain teeth. His wrinkled face is adorned with a pathetically thin mustache, with gold-rimmed sunglasses perched on his nose. He smells of expensive alcohol and cheap cologne, you have time to notice a pair of huge rings on his fingers when he, without a second's hesitation, takes your hand and brings it to his lips. "Pleased to meet you, Ms. Y/n, Nanami doesn't spread himself too widely about his life, but your name almost never leaves his lips."
"Y/n, this is my boss, Mr...."
"I'm just Steve to you," he blurts out in a half-drunk grin, still not letting go of your hand. Kento’s eyes roll to the back of his head, as he rubs his temple tiredly, struggling to keep his cool.
"Nice to meet you...Steve," looking absolutely unimpressed, you gently pull your hand out of his iron grip, taking your now speechless with anger boyfriend, under his arm, and smiling with feigned gentleness, "Kento has told me a lot about you, thank you for inviting us to this wonderful dinner."
“Nah, that’s the best decision I’ve ever made,” he chuckles, “you should try to convince your man to go out more often, especially with such a beauty by his side, it should be a real pleasure. He has a great future, my dear, a great future,” he wagged his finger right in front of your face, “okay, lovebirds, I have to go… I have to go, I have to cheer up a couple of losers, whose careers I will destroy tomorrow.” And he bursts in an almost inhuman laugh that seems to make everyone in the room but him uncomfortable. “But I'll see you soon," and once again taking your hand in his leaves another loud, wet kiss on your palm before retreating to another direction.
“Ugh, what an asshole”, you wipe your hand on the soft fabric of your dress, "'so, did I get to act all happy? It was quite hard since I was affected by the sight of his awful mustache.”
Hearing no reply, you raised your head to meet the two agates that had been staring back at you for a long time, gleaming adoringly. Kento's face is playing with the brightest smile you've seen this evening.
“What?” you frown, not sure where the sudden burst of amusement is coming from.
“Nothing”, he smiles wider, “just glad I'm here with you. Speaking of which, why don't we sneak out of here right now?” he holds out his hand to you.
“I thought you'd never ask”, you let out a sigh of relief, intertwining your fingers, as you quietly head for the exit. Away from the lying people and cruel games, quietly grumbling about various little things along the way. He carries a pair of your uncomfortable heels in one hand as you walk beside him in your evening dress and favorite sneakers, clinging to him tighter and thinking that the world isn't so bad when you have someone to be grumpy with.
Tumblr media
100 notes · View notes
uwu-co-in · 11 months
Text
What majors 'Attack on Titan'characters would have in college AU (part 2):
Tumblr media
Source: My Majors
Word count: 1.1k
(part one)
11. Sasha: Crisis/Emergency/Disaster Management
• Sasha was first admitted to a college with the major Culinary Science, along with her boyfriend, Niccolo, but left the course after a month
• I want to eat food not study it was what she retorted to everyone, but in reality, she just felt she would not be contributing enough to the community
• As the major took out for a lot of field work, she signs up for all, and even joined internships from the first year itself, regarding the same
• A procrastinator; crams on the night of the exam, while Niccolo is cooking her assortment of dishes and gets super groggy on examination mornings :')
12. Connie: Graphic Design
• His mother was extremely proud of her son getting into the college; so much that she had told every other person passing on the streets how Connie will be a genius, in whatever tech stuff he is doing
• Opted for a college far away from home, because he wanted to experience life to the fullest by living alone, and learning to fend for himself
• Teaches basic computer science to two kids, and works as a freelancer digital artist, along with juggling his classes
• Loves his subject and puts effort behind it quite regularly, but call him for a party he'd be there with two extra beer bottles, ridiculously shimmery clothes and a party popper!
13. Jean: Architecture
• Look me in the eye and tell me that Jean doesn't look like a dreamy arch student, always carrying his sketchbook along with him and sitting down to draw the building or monument designs that seem to intrigue him
• Was in eighth grade, when Mikasa told him that the way he draws the buildings are very clean. Boom, and he wants to draw them for the rest of his life
• For some reason, his mother did not approve of his subject choice, until one day she found a few building designs doodled in placards sprawled over his desk and reconsidered her opinion
• Loves a good party once in a while, but really wants to work behind the subject so sometimes, calls a rain check
14. Erwin: Intelligence
• Ever since Erwin can remember, he wanted to be in the army, fighting for his motherland. That was what he had wanted all his life, and he had every quality to enlist himself for it until he sustained incurable injuries on his right arm trying to save an elderly couple from an accident
• Intelligence major was a piece of cake for Erwin, for he was a natural leader, acing all his classes with ease. He loves spending time in the library a lot, and his favourite book is rumoured to be 'Crime and Punishment' by Fyodor Dostoevsky
• He is equally loved and lusted by the women in his university, but apart from occasional casual flings, he does not want to engage in a relationship because it 'fuddles his mind'
• His room is speck clean and he likes working out regularly and eating healthy (cooks his own food and is distrustful of the canteen meals)
15. Zeke: Law
• In school, Zeke was reprimanded a lot because according to his teachers, he was 'always quipped with a brash follow-up question, with no regards to authority'. In college, he encashed it by enrolling himself in a law major programme
• He is a big believer in practical knowledge and quickly networked to find internship opportunities to practice and observe lawyers alongside his regular studies
• With an absentee father, he worked two side jobs as a cashier at Starbucks and a private tutor
• He participated a lot in debate competitions and moot courts to enhance his critical thinking and analytical skills
16. Marco: Film Studies
• Always a sweet and dreamy guy, Marco chose film studies because he passionately believes films influence people a lot
• Ask him, and he will name the most obscure movies just to seem like a film student with a mysterious air, while in reality, his favourite movie is Mean Girls
• Likes people watching and tries to do all his college work sitting in a cafe, with 'coffee, coffee, coffee!'
• Has tried making short films, and although the themes and plots have been pretty good, he is yet to get real recognition for them
17. Porco: Aviation
• Ever the cocky guy, Porco took aviation because it made him feel like he was on top of the world
• Scored average in theory but was very skilled in practical knowledge
• His professors have often recommended he enlist for the air force, but he doesn't want to; he wants a low-key life without stress (staning a king who knows the importance of mental health!)
• Flirts A LOT with his fellow classmates, and 10/10 uses his charm to get his homework and assignments done
18. Pieck: Inorganic Chemistry
• Pieck's main goal in life is to see more women in STEM, and thus, her major
• Has excellent mathematical and statistical skills and uses them efficiently to excel
• Straight A student, has the special lucky glasses that she wears while taking her exams
• Very humble and soft-spoken, she is often forced to help others even when she doesn't really want to
19. Gabi: Marketing Research
• Gabi originally wanted to become a footballer and had once run away from home because she felt her parents did not approve of her career choice
• While football is still her passion, she has a newfound love for marketing
• Immense persuasive skills and great essays make her one of the toppers of her batch
• Feels stressed trying to juggle studies and football, but she loves both and can't live life with one without the other
20. Falco: Art History Criticism and Conservation
• Falco loved visiting art museums as a kid, and this love of his followed well into adulthood
• His favourite artist is Monet, and his core memory of college is their field trip to the Sistine Chapel
• Loves art, any art in any form, and appreciates every art he sees; is passionate about learning more and has inculcated the skill of finding beauty in everything
• His dorm room is filled with paintings from roadside artisans that he fell in love with, and on Sundays, he tries painting himself (and fails miserably, but is the happiest)
47 notes · View notes
notinmyvocab · 1 year
Text
art at the edge of the abyss
Summary: A few bizarre food-centric performances would hardly shake her. But Jan Stevens? Jan Stevens could.
Warnings: JanxOFC, language, mentions of sex
She didn’t know what compelled her to take an internship at the Sonic Culinary Institute. She wasn’t a journalist; she wasn’t someone who devoted life to the culinary arts. But Isabel Noble was a writer, and she knew that contributing to the magazine would prove invaluable in her career.
Besides, it wasn’t like she couldn’t stomach it. Her father was a true crime novelist; Isabel was raised on blood and viscera. A few bizarre food-centric performances would hardly shake her.
But Jan Stevens? Jan Stevens could.
It was late at night, beyond midnight. Maybe three in the morning? Isabel didn’t know. She just knew that she couldn’t sleep. So instead, she sat outside and smoked a cigarette.
Normally, cigarettes were reserved for special occasions. It was a tradition that started with her dad: once a novel was finished, a single cigarette was lit and that was all. But the tensions in this place were starting to get to her. The current group was insufferable; too pretentious for their own good.
Maybe this was a mistake, coming here. She wasn’t a journalist; she didn’t write for magazines. She wasn’t good at interviewing people. Her strength wasn’t in the objective, but in the possibilities.
“You aren’t enjoying yourself.”
Isabel looked over to see Jan Stevens come forth from the shadows dressed in white; a ghostly figure that could ignite any imagination.
She didn’t expect Jan Stevens to join her on the grass where she sat, yet that was just what happened. Jan Stevens risked a perfectly beautiful white dress, sacrificing the tulle to grass stains. It was almost impressive.
“Just restless,” Isabel said after taking a drag from her cigarette.
“You haven’t joined the after parties.”
Oh. Those.
“I’m not really a partying type.”
“So what is your type?”
Isabel smirked at the question, stubbing out her cigarette. She pulled out another one and placed it in her mouth. She focused on the tip of the cigarette even though she couldn’t see it very well in the dark, and ignited it without a lighter. Magic.
“What a strange girl you are,” Jan Stevens murmured.
“Strange?”
“Flung out of space.”
Isabel snapped her gaze to Jan Stevens, who was barely visible in the faint glow of the cigarette. “Don’t ever say that,” she said firmly. “If you’re going to flirt, use your own words.”
“And you’re so certain that this is flirting?”
She was certain that this was something. Flirting? Foreplay? It was so hard to tell. Sonic Catering had a way of making everything feel liminal. Every definition morphed; meaning was lost. There was no meaning at the institute.
“I hate it here,” Isabel admitted. “Absolutely hate it. Nothing means anything here. It’s all avant-bullshit and I hate it.”
The sentiment made Jan Stevens smile, her teeth gleaming in the night. “And isn’t that what art is for? Evoking strong emotion?”
“Yes.” Which made Isabel hate it even more. This place pulled such a strong reaction from her, and that was the whole point. “I guess that makes you art as well?”
“How so?”
“Evoking strong emotion. Good or negative.”
Isabel could feel Jan Stevens studying her, trying to make meaning out of her outline. That was a mistake. Like words, people lost their meaning. Perhaps that was when their true definitions shined through.
“And how do you feel about me? Good or negative?”
Another deep drag from the cigarette, and then Isabel handed it off to Jan Stevens, who took it without hesitation.
“I adore you,” Isabel admitted as she stared off into the dark night. “And I really don’t want to. I should find you annoying. I should find you vapid and annoying and god you wear so much makeup that you remind me of my middle school emo phase.”
“But?”
Always the but. Isabel took the cigarette back when Jan Stevens handed it over. Their fingers brushed against each other and Isabel felt an electric shock. Damn this woman.
“But I’m really fucking gay, and you’re tall and hot.”
“Is that all?”
No, but it was all Isabel could articulate. For a writer, she was at a surprisingly loss for words. “I like you. I like you a lot. And I hate that I do.”
“So I evoke strong emotion. Do you suppose that makes me art?”
“Art at the edge of the abyss,” Isabel murmured. So tangible, yet impossible to hold onto. Go too far, and that would mean death of the mind. But to never venture to the edge would mean to never know. And Isabel couldn’t stand not knowing.
Isabel rested her head against Jan Stevens’ shoulder, the copious amounts of nicotine making her lightheaded. The cigarette was passed back and forth wordlessly for a few minutes, both of them relishing in the music of the night: crickets, the rustling of grass, the whispering of trees. It was a sweet melody.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Isabel murmured.
“You’re smoking and philosophizing.”
“No, I mean here. At this place. I’m not a journalist. I can’t stand interviews.”
“It isn’t about the interviews.” Jan Stevens considered the glowing end of the cigarette for a moment before handing it back and sliding her arm around Isabel’s waist. “It’s about the art. Everything here is about the art.”
“Orgies hardly seem artistic.”
“Eye of the beholder; surely you know that. To some, sex is depravity. To others, it’s just another medium and making someone come undone is a masterpiece.”
Bob Ross would probably disagree, but Isabel didn’t voice that point. Because in some twisted way, Jan Stevens was right. Art was creation. Creating orgasms was art. “Is that all, though? Is it just about art and never anything deeper?”
“Art is deep.”
“No, I know that. But I mean…” Isabel gestured vaguely, trying to summon the words out of thin air. “When you turn sex into art, there’s a disconnect. You become artist and art and sure, the artist has strong feelings and can connect deeply to the piece, but what about the art? The art doesn’t get to feel. The art gets to evoke emotion, but not have it.”
Jan Stevens shook her head, scoffing quietly. “My dear, you have never said anything so utterly inaccurate.” But this explanation that Isabel spewed did give insight. “No one has ever made you feel like art, have they?”
Isabel didn’t answer right away. How could she? It wasn’t like she didn’t know the answer; she did. But saying it out loud was… pathetic.
Eventually, there came a quiet, “…No.”
“Would you like to? Would you like to be a work of art?”
“That depends,” Isabel said slowly, gathering her courage. “Will you be my artist?”
And even in the darkness, she saw Jan Stevens smile.
54 notes · View notes
Text
Narumi Osone VS Himiko Toga [Danganronpa Survivor VS My Hero Academia]
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hifumi: Narumi Osone; the firecracking enforcer of Organization Zetsubou.
Tumblr media
Leona: Himiko Toga; the bloodthirsty lieutenant of the League of Villains...!
Hifumi: The greatest heroes are often defined by their worst enemy. A title that these two crazy little girls are willing to take the mantle of, even if it drives them to the brink of madness...Only destruction and death will be left in their wake when these two come to town...!
Leona: He's Hifumi and I'm Leona!
Hifumi: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, talents and skills, to see who will win a DEATH BATTLE!
Tumblr media
Leona: Oh my god, we're 6 parts in and we FINALLY get a character who's NOT an Ultimate!
Hifumi: Well, in other realities, yes, but in ours, Narumi Osone never became the Ultimate Gourmet that everyone originally knew her as.
Leona: Aw, just look at her! She's so adorable! I love her little hair buns and her cute little face and...
Cut to Narumi slaughtering the members of the UUV and blowing up the drone lab.
Leona: ...the psychotic killing...Oh jeez...
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Looks can indeed be very deceiving, and those words have never rung truer for this undelightful devilish darling...Despite this, Narumi Osone comes from humble origins. She was born as one of the daughters of Taizo Osone, the former Ultimate Chef and graduate of Hope's Peak Academy.
Leona: Born as a typical middle-child, Narumi was one of the few Osone children who remained true to their culinary roots, even though many of the other children left to follow other passions. What a dedicated little girl. Where did it all go so wrong!?
Hifumi: From a young age, Narumi's parents would always tell her stories of what happened during the early years of her life when she was too young to remember it. She learned about the ventures of the Killing Game that was publicly broadcasted, as well as the tragic happenings of the Demon Hunting game in Towa City, and so on, so forth. A young, easily influenced Narumi fell in love with these stories, and the heroes of them, so much so that she strove to one day be just like them, fighting for Hope and making sure justice prevailed.
Leona: And...in a roundabout and rather twisted way, that's kind of what she became! Though, as any great hero does, she suffered a bit first...
Hifumi: In the aftermath of the Tragedy, with Hope's Peak and many other schools reopening and Ultimate students still being marginalized in society, Mr Osone got more deeply involved in the Rights for Ultimate's movement. He became a member and rather important spokesperson of the RFU, having previously been an Ultimate himself. However, a policeman accidentally shot and killed him during a riot that had broken out at an RFU protest.
Leona: However, this story unfortunately doesn't proceed with the kid donning a cape and cowl and fighting the corruption and crime that took her father from her. Taizo's death turned Narumi's disdain for the government into outright rage. As a result of her desire for vengeance against the system that murdered her father, her mental health suffered. She was left alone, her emotional state unchecked, and only the stories her father told her about the power of Hope pushing through the deepest, darkest despairs to guide her.
Hifumi: However, it became apparently clear that Narumi's ambitions of Hope weren't quite as simple as wanting to push on and strive for a better tomorrow. Narumi believed that the despair she felt immediately following Taizo's death was crucial in sparking a revolution. She didn't seek grand ideals like world dominance, but rather a society that accepted people as they did "back in the day."
Leona: And so the little gourmet decided...she would BECOME that Despair...!
Hifumi: By striving to become, in her own words "the villain of her own story," Narumi Osone hoped to infect Japanese society with this despair, destruction, and carnage, so that the government would be too preoccupied with dealing with the despair crisis to deal with the Ultimates' antagonism. Then she planned for her hero, Makoto Naegi, and the Future Foundation to arrive in a short time to restore society to normal, with the exception of praising Ultimates in the way that was done before Junko.
Leona: And if casualties had to be made in order to make it happen...Who gives a crap!? Anything goes as long as it creates change! Unfortunately, the more Narumi delved in evil, the more she came to sink herself deep in it. She learned that she loved the feeling of watching people struggle to survive, pulled forward by their hope, and that she loved throwing hands with tough customers, even with her small size.
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Osone met and teamed up with Akira Tsuchiya, a young man in a similar state as her also seeking societal collapse. After causing some chaos with him, like an average day of blowing up a bank or slaughtering some unpleasent customers, the dynamic duo was put on the radar of the terrorist organization, Organization Zetsubou, and it's tyrannical leaders, Tsumugi Shirogane and Yukari Koime.
Leona: Akira's internet life got him brought on as the team's resident expert hacker, while Narumi became a combat tactician and lead enforcer after expressing her love for battle. However, unfortunately for Zetsubou, Narumi and her shut-in partner proved to be a pair of...putting it nicely...loose cannons. Though it could be dumbed down to her not believing in the same cause as her teammates, Narumi had a tendency to jeopardize the organizations big missions if it suited her interest more. Like how she set up a plan to chip everybody in Towa City using drones, but then destroyed the drones herself, as the prospect of getting to meet her heroes was more exciting to her.
Hifumi: However, Narumi's strength and the assets she provided the Organization made it so that in spite of this, it would be hard to let her go once they had her. At some point down the line while working with these villains, the gourmet girl gained what would become her most powerful and deadliest weapon; her repulsion gauntlets! Which she first showed off after she made her presence known to the Future Foundation, by taking over Towa City's underground, killing off Akeru Yozora's resistance group with a brainwashed Gonta Gokuhara, and using them to combat the Ultra Despair Girls, Komaru and Toko, in a final confrontation with Akeru's safety on the line!
Leona: These gauntlets are nobody's fool! Even with her tiny size and stature, Narumi is capable of near superhuman feats with these babies! They're sturdy and made of a hard metal, so a punch from them will hurt a hell of a lot! Besides that, the gauntlets shoot out bursts of energy that Narumi can use to attain pseudo-flight, propelling herself through the air at a supersonic speed! She can also use them to set off combustion explosions, like being blasted point-blank with a fiery shotgun, or blow holes in even the toughest surfaces and people!
Hifumi: Like how she used them to completely brutalize Mitsunari Koga; blowing holes through him and prior to that, completely blasting his arm off his body. You'll find that compared to us at the Future Foundation, Organization Zetsubou's members, Osone especially, are much more averse to slaughtering people and desecrating their bodies. The gauntlets have also been shown to be so sturdy, they're resistant to sharp objects like Genocide Jack's scissors, which are stated to be much sharper and more deadly than your average knife.
Leona: However, what is arguably more impressive than the gauntlets themselves is how adept Narumi is at using them. Ordinarily, blasting yourself around like that would cause, at best, some serious whiplash, or at worst, break apart your limbs with the way they're snapping all over the place, blasted around by the combustion. And for someone as small as her, it's amazing how she manages to deal with all of that!
Hifumi: On top of that, when Narumi once took a bullet to the shoulder and was unable to use her gauntlets, Celestia Ludenburg donned them and tried to blast Kyoko Kirigiri with them while they were riding a train. The recoil force of firing off even a small blast with the gauntlets at her, was almost enough to BREAK Ludenburg's arm!
Leona: And Narumi is not only firing these concussion blasts off constantly, but RAPIDLY! During her fight with Nagito Komaeda, she onslaughted him with hundreds of combustion shots point blank over span of about 4 seconds before he counterattacked! And she was fine!
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Time and time again, Narumi Osone has proven that despite her small stature and realistically weak body, she's one of the deadliest and most powerful enemies that we've faced. And the interesting thing is she's also one of the few enemies we've faced who bares us no malice.
Leona: As said before, Narumi believes in the power of hope, and overcoming your trials. So in her eyes, those in the Future Foundation are worthy of being held in high regard.
Hifumi: And if you can't do that, congratulations! You're useless, and should die!
Leona: Such was the fate of the UUV, who Narumi battled all by herself, with only some slight assistance from Akira that she arguably didn't even need. And what's more, even though she used her gauntlets to propel herself around at sound speed, she didn't even use them for the kill most of the time! Though she may seem like a straightforward action girl, Narumi is surprisingly clever and creative with her approaches to things, like how she killed Aruma Todoroki by strangling her with her own whip, or dropping a shitton of rubble on Mikoto Itsuki!
Hifumi: And it wasn't just the UUV who suffered at the hands of this walking rocket launcher. Narumi, as we mentioned, was also able to go toe to toe with Komaru Naegi and Toko Fukawa, keeping pace with both of them and even being able to survive being caved in on by some falling elevator shaft parts. As a reminder, this is the same Toko and Komaru who battled and defeated Big Bang Monokuma together, a Godzilla-level monster 
Leona: She also battled against all of Class 78, including Sakura Ogami, and was able to outpace and outmaneuver them with her gauntlets, using the constantly moving environment around her. And her most recent feat of accomplishment; battling against Nagito Komaeda in his Ultimate Hope state.
Hifumi: While Narumi did lose that fight, it was rather hard fought for both sides. Komaeda admitted afterwards that he wasn't holding back that much, and at her personal request, was out to kill her. If we assume that Komaeda is about half to three-quarters the power of Izuru Kamukura, that's an incredible feat!
Leona: As is the 60 Megaton explosion she let out that enveloped basically the entire tram system where they fought! Again, the gauntlets have recoil tantamount to the explosions they fire, and Narumi was TOTALLY fine in the wake of it. Her limbs remained intact and she wasn't even enveloped or scarred by her own explosion!
Hifumi: And yet, even in the wake of all this destruction, chaos, and anguish, people will still rise up to fight against the Despair this pint-sized enforcer brings, just as she plans. The world is Narumi Osone's game, and everyone is playing it. This girl was born to cause both drama and damage.
Leona: And that's really the one-track mind that she possesses. While Narumi has shown she's handy with tech and careful with the plans that matter to her, she's not very intelligent compared to the other masterminds of Organization Zetsubou. She's not stupid either obviously, but she's not someone who rivals her partner Akira in intelligence. She instead chooses to act more on instinct and is also mentally unstable, even by Zetsubou standards.
Hifumi: Putting that aside, Narumi Osone has demonstrated that she poses a threat to both the villains and the heroes in her universe. Despite being a noticeable white spot on a black background of death and despair, she manages to blend in with the chaos, and a source of chaos that is not to be underestimated.
Leona: Sundowner was right...Kids really ARE cruel...!
Tumblr media
Leona: In the world of My Hero Academia, 80% of the population is born with cool superpowers, also known as Quirks.
Hifumi: That world became a very different place the day that Himiko Toga was born. At first, everything seemed pretty normal. The Toga family was just...normal...Nothing outlandish about them at all...At least as far as a superpowered society could be.
Leona: But the flow of fate had other plans for them, most notably their little girl.
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Whether the reason may have been because of her unique Quirk or not, Himiko Toga had a strange obsession with blood even as a child. Even in a world wrought with people who get more powerful by being naked, or have invisibility that works by being naked, or losing your clothes by phasing through the ground, this was still very disturbing...Huh...I'm starting to notice a pattern...
Leona: Everyone realized this when a young Toga killed a bird to drink its blood and then showed the same bird to her parents. Now...I love a good chicken or duck for dinner, but...girl, you gotta prepare it first. You can't just eat a raw bird. You crazy fo' real...
Hifumi: To a more professional extent, that was what Toga's parents thought too. They were openly disgusted and attempted to repress it by placing a great deal of pressure on her to be "normal," sending her to Quirk counseling in an effort to reform her, and trying to find a solution to her "deviant behavior." From that point on, Himiko Toga had to hold back, even though she was still itching to drink blood, while keeping a different face. It was certainly "normal" but it wasn't "her."
Leona: But as they say, you can't keep a tiger caged forever. One day, it will break right out of it's chains and when it does? It'll be hungry...!
Hifumi: While I'm unfamiliar with that specific expression, it's indeed rather accurate to our situation.
Leona: Her repression of her emotions and feelings resulted in the development of social problems and a significant impact on her mental health. But it all came to a head when she saw a boy named Saito at her school fighting and getting covered in bruises and blood. Toga experienced what she thought was a crush on him, after having repressed her "abnormal" feelings and tendencies for so long. Toga later appeared to have succumbed to this obsession and attacked him with a box cutter, and, according to a passing classmate who witnessed the assault, stuck a straw into his wound and began sucking his blood while crying with an ecstatic look on her face. Capital Y YIKES!
Hifumi: She vanished shortly after the attack and fled from Pro Heroes and the police, as she was now a wanted suspect. Later, she was identified as the main suspect in multiple bloodletting-related murders. Up until the time of Stain, the Hero Killer.
Leona: Alongside the mysterious Dabi, Himiko Toga was inspired by the cause of the Hero Killer, but also really wanted to commit more carnage and have fun, so she joined up with Tomura Shigaraki and the League of Villains. She looked up to Stain and saw him as her role model; declaring a desire to kill and "become" him. And she herself quickly became one of the League's  most well-known members, and deadliest assets in espionage and assassination.
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Though she may be but a young girl in her late teens, Toga's child-like appearance hides away her incredible feats of strength and skill. In the Paranormal Liberation War, for example, she used her strength to kill multiple heroes and subdue others, including Eraserhead.
Leona: Even before this during her time with the Shie Hassaikai, Toga was pretty easily able to handle pro heroes like Rock Lock, and again, Eraserhead. She's also fought multiple times with Ochaco Uraraka, and deceived her easily, showing that she's at least on par with her too. To kinda clarify that, Ochaco using her quirk is capable of lifting and throwing things like stone pillars or a small hill sized pile of boulders.
Hifumi: She had even managed to stave off Deku once, and now that she had trained with Gigantomachia, that part of her strength would be stronger. 
Leona: And this is without any real notable superpowers of her own. Speaking of which, we should probably get into that, right?
Hifumi: Toga's quirk is called "Transform." By drinking someone's blood, it gives her the power to change into a physical replica of that person and mimic their voice. She can access that person's form for a longer period of time the more blood she drinks. For instance, she can change for a total of eighteen hours with just one cup of blood. If she drinks the blood of more than one person, she can alternate between their appearances. She can even mimic someone else's attire, but doing so would require her to undress beforehand because her own clothes would cover the transformation. Huh...
Leona: Yeah, get used to that schtick. It happens to both men and women, so we can't really complain. Toga's villain outfit plays to her strengths in this regard. She possesses a machine connected to a utility belt. Using the wires, she can either throw the needles from a distance or stab her opponents directly. In either case, the machine will begin draining the victim's blood as soon as the needle connects. 
Hifumi: The machine saves the blood in tubes so that it can be used at a later time. She can, however, drink the blood as it is being drawn out thanks to the mask on her face, that is also connected to the machine. Sometime prior to the Final War, Toga's device underwent an upgrade that allowed her to freely control jet-powered needles instead of needing to throw them.
Leona: Aside from this device, Toga typically carries a number of knives on hand. These are tiny knives with a longer black handle than the blade itself, about the size of her hand, but are still very deadly when used in her hands, and very combat-effective. She can even throw them with pin-point accuracy from a distance. Though she's not got a very wide arsenal of tools outside of these.
Hifumi: It doesn't stop her from being just as deadly in terms of combat. Toga's strength is incredible for someone who doesn't possess a combat quirk. At least...not at first...
Leona: Quirks are part of a person's DNA, and are just as capable of adaptation and evolution as any other bodily function. And for Himiko Toga, that happened in what was the worst possible way for our heroes. Which all happened as a result of Toga's battle with Curious; a member of the Meta Liberation Army.
Hifumi: Curious's Quirk is called "Landmine." and it gives the user the ability to give anything they touch explosive qualities.
Leona: And this applies to almost ANYTHING, including the blood that Toga sucks up with her gear, and the people that she was fighting with at close range. Which means that during this fight, Toga was able to tank explosions that were happening not only point-black, but INSIDE of her! That's CRAZY!
Tumblr media
Hifumi: What made the situation even more crazy is when Toga was pushed to the brink, her quirk EVOLVED, enabling her to do something she was previously unable to do: using the quirks of the people she has transformed into!
Leona: Although, Toga can only use another person's Quirk if she is fascinated by them and holds them close to her heart, and she must be well-versed in their power. Still, even just a few more quirks under her belt gives her WAY more options in battle!
Hifumi: For example, she can copy Ochaco Uraraka's Zero Gravity, negating an object's gravitational pull, then releasing the effect on it, causing it to barrel toward the ground. Which she eventually used to end Curious and her army.
Leona: Or using her own version of Twice's signature Sad Man's Parade move: Sad Man's Death Parade, where she endlessly clones versions of herself transformed as Twice with the express intent of killing anything in her path!
Hifumi: Quirk feats aside, Himiko Toga is a phenomenal combatant and DEADLY opponent. As mentioned already, she was able to survive explosions that were happening even inside her, which puts her strength and stamina on a whole other level. What may very well be her deadliest asset however, are her stealth and speed prowess.
Leona: By the final chapters of My Hero Academia, Toga's ability to blend in with her surroundings and hide with her stealth prowess so powerful, Deku's Danger Sense, which kinda works like Spider-Sense, was useless against it! Not only that, but during situations like her fight against Ochaco and Tsuyu, she moved so fast, that merely BLINKING and taking your attention off her for a second would be more than enough time for her to get behind you and shove a blade right up your ass!
Hifumi: And this is the main way Toga fights. Since she lacks the proper strength to go hand-to-hand with a lot of heroes in MHA, despite her unbelievable physical capabilities, her main tactic in combat is to is to outrun her opponent, dodging their attacks and wearing them down until they tire, then exploit an opening.
Leona: The kind of strategy you'd expect from a deranged little girl who hides in the shadows, but the truth is that Himiko Toga is not as clear cut as she seems. Toga is obviously mentally unstable and has a very twisted perception of love and friendship, but it's shown that despite her twisted behavior when infatuated, her affection for Deku, Ochaco, and her PLA friends is completely genuine and without any inherent malevolence. In stark contrast to her maniacal nature, she has demonstrated a very supportive side, comforting a distraught Twice and crying in sadness and rage after his death.
Hifumi: Perhaps that merely means that even after everything, if she had just been accepted for who she is or understood morally, there may still be hope for this deranged little schoolgirl...Who can say for sure?
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's see which of our fighters comes out on top this time!
Leona: IT'S TIME FOR A DEEAAATH BAAATTLLLLLLEEE!
Tumblr media
A close-up of a knitted doll of Makoto Naegi being held in the little girl's arms opens the scene. The girl squeezes the doll affectionately and rubs her face against its. It's none other than Narumi Osone. She holds the doll in one hand and reaching up to her ear with the other, speaking through a communicator which starts buzzing.
Akira Tsuchiya [Over Comm]: I still can't believe you took a detour on the job just to get a new teddy bear.
Narumi: Oh give it a rest! The shop does custom made dolls! I had to put an order in while I had the chance! No way was I ever gonna let this darling wait out on me, hehehehe!
Akira [Over Comm]: Look, I really don't care either way, but if I end up getting heat from the Boss Lady for this...Look, you'd better not screw it up...
Narumi: Oh RELAX big bro! It's literally just a collection job I'm doing in place of Yuka! What's the worst that could...
She trails off as she suddenly hears a familiar noise of metal meeting flesh. She looks down the alleyway where she's headed and sees a silhouette down it of something unpleasant. 
Narumi: ...happen...Uh, sorry Akira, gonna have to call you back...
Narumi hangs up her comm and strides down the alleyway. As she draws closer to the subject, she sees Himiko Toga, knife in hand, running it repeatedly through the chest of a sketchy looking info broker.
Toga: Heeheeheeheeheehee...
Narumi: Um...
Toga: ...!
*SHUNK!*
Narumi: AH!
Narumi tries to engage in conversation, but Toga responds by spinning and throwing a knife at her. Narumi dodges this, but her new teddie isn't so lucky. The knife plants straight into the Makoto dolls head and falls into a wed muddy puddle.
Toga: Oops! Sorry about that!
Narumi: MY DOLL! Also, I'm pretty sure that was the guy I was supposed to meet...but more importantly, MY CUSTOM MADE DOLL!
Toga: Hey, I'm sorry! I can get you a new one as soon as I get this back to Tomura-chan! Don't know why I had to go on this mission or anything but he seemed to think this laptop was important to the army...So I'll get in contact when-
*BOOOM!* *SMASH!*
youtube
Toga plucks a laptop, presumably filled with information, out of a carrier bag. She's about to head off with it, but the laptop then explodes in her hand, shatters to pieces and crumbles onto the floor. Astonished, she turns her head back towards Narumi, now donning her explosive gauntlets, lowering her aim and pulling on her eye, mockingly!
Narumi: OOPS! 
Toga: Hmph...
Toga's expression darkens and she pouts, furious at this little punk for having the nerve to confront her. She strikes first, hurling a variety of sharp knives at the living rocket, but Narumi sees her move and deftly sidesteps to avoid the attack, then responds with a powerful burst of combustion.
*KABOOOM!*
The explosion blows apart the alley, and Toga is seen flying out of it, backflipping away from the epicenter of the blast. Narumi flies out after her, and as she lands, Toga launches out her rocket-boosted needles, which close in on the young firecracker! Even after Narumi blasts down to the ground and avoids this attack, the needles still home in on her like missiles! She propels herself towards the people in the crowd around her and grabs one terrified looking man in a suit!
Narumi: Hello, mister, would you mind helping a girl out for a sec? K, thanks!
Man: WHA-GAAGH!
Narumi uses the innocent man as a meat-shield against the needles, which run him through and start sucking up his blood. This commotion is enough to get anyone who didn't already run away, to do so. 
Toga: Hmph...!
Narumi: OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
*SMAAASSH!*
Toga: GAHAGCK!
The man's corpse is yanked forward by the bloodsucking psycho girl, who shoves it off her needles. Unexpectedly, Narumi takes advantage of this distraction by throwing herself forward and delivering a powerful blow to her, sending her flying through a building.
Narumi: Haha! Suck it! Hm?
A figure emerges from the debris, and Narumi gives it a cursory eyebrow raise. When it comes out of the thick, grey liquid covering it, she finds herself staring at a petite girl with a curvy figure and fair skin, auburn hair, and round, matching eyes.
Narumi: Okay wuuuuh?
Uraraka: Heeeheeheeheehee! KEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RELEASE!
Narumi: What? Release wha...Oh...Oooooooh...Oooooh shiiiiit...
While still struggling to figure out what's going on, Narumi only now looks around, seeing that she's surrounded by floating wreckage as a result of earlier sending Toga hurtling through the building. Toga imitates the behavior of Ochaco Uraraka's quirk by releasing her hold and causing a hail of rocks, chunks, and slabs to fall upon Narumi.
Narumi: Well...this sucks...HYAGH!
*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *KABOOM!*
Narumi: SUCK ON THIS! HOOWAAGH!
*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!*
Narumi quickly and effectively uses her gauntlets to propel herself in all directions, outmaneuvering and dodging the falling debris. When she's in a good enough position, she brings both of her arms together and lets off a massive explosion that engulfs and disintegrates every incoming projectile.
Her clothes and uniform are all that remain of Himiko Toga as Narumi safely crashes back down to face the enemy that put her in such trouble. After picking them up and giving them a quick examination, Narumi takes off, glancing out over a sea of terrified bystanders.
They all blend in with the throng, but one man in a suit draws her attention.
Narumi: Wait...Didn't I kill you earlie-?
Man?: HAHA!
Narumi: WOAH!?
Narumi is just barely able to avoid an incoming knife that grazes her face, thrown by the man! She flies back down towards him as he starts to melt into a grey, viscous liquid, a pale arm shooting out and grinding against Narumi's arm, which she clutches in pain, sucking air through her teeth. She doesn't react in time for the needles to piece her shoulder and yank her towards the pile, with another arm bursting out and grabbing her by the throat. Toga's evil, smiling face emerges from the liquid, her body now mostly naked, and she leans in and licks Narumi's face, much to the gourmet girl's disgust.
Toga: I'm curious to see how YOU taste...
Narumi: That's gross dude...On like...SO many levels...!
Then, with a kick that sends her rolling down the road, Toga throws her stunned opponent into the air before jumping up and kicking her into the concrete. Narumi looks back a moment later to confront her again in spite of this blow, but Toga has vanished.
Narumi: What!? Where did she?
Toga: Heeheehee...
Narumi: GAGH!?
*BOOM!*
Toga: OOOF! HAH!
*WHA-BOOM!*
At random, Toga (who is now wearing her clothes again) appears behind Narumi and attempts to stab her in the back. Narumi is quick to respond, seizing Toga's arm with one hand while firing an explosive blast at her with the other. Toga is propelled backwards, but before she can even stand up, she practically teleports behind Narumi and tries to pierce her lower back with a needle in order to draw blood. But Narumi fires upward, avoids this, and turns around to face Toga with a furious look.
Narumi & Toga: JUST STAND STILL AND DIE!
Both girls shout this at one another, then Toga throws more knives at Narumi. Narumi casually blasts away the knives, but the light from the blast gives Toga enough cover to transform again, this time into the form of Jin Bubaigawara, AKA Twice.
Toga: Sad Man's...DEATH PARADE!
Narumi looks around in a panic as several complete carbon copies of Twice suddenly rise from the ground like zombies, all cackling maniacally. 
Narumi: Tch...! GAGH!?
Toga & Twice's: KEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE, little one!
Narumi clenches her fist and gets ready to blast the copies to kingdom come, but as the unprepared girl is kicked by Toga in their direction, the doppelgangers all launch a barrage of blows at her. At that moment, the enforcer sees that she is falling toward Toga, who is preparing to cut her down with her blade!
Narumi: HOOYAGH!
*BOOOSH!*
Toga: ...
Narumi: ...
Toga: You're gonna blast me again, aren't you?
Narumi: Uh-huh!
*KABOOM!*
Toga: AGGH!
Twice's: WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, O-HO!
After a brief exchange of banter, Narumi swiftly propels herself over Toga's attack and uses her gauntlets to blast her in the back, precisely at point blank range. For a brief moment, Toga topples and Narumi turns to face the Twice clones, glaring daggers at them.
She strikes the first one squarely through with a heavy fist that feels like a rocket. Another laser blast at point blank range renders the other completely destroyed. She catches the third by the face and crushes him completely in the palms of her strong, metal hands. Narumi kills the fourth by flying at him and slicing his body in half while spinning like a deadly spinning top. 
Unfortunately, Narumi is too distracted by killing the Twice clones that she's only barely able to catch Toga's hand as she flies back down towards her, grazing her face with the needle and piercing her skin, slowly sucking up samples of Narumi's blood.
Toga: You reek of blood and carnage...That's pretty cute, you know~?
Narumi: HRRGH!
*BOOOM!*
Toga: GUAGHCK!
*BOOOM!* *BOOOM!* *BOOOM!* *BOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOMBOOOM!!!!!!*
Narumi: I'd say the same thing if you WEREN'T SO ANNOYING!
Narumi gathers enough strength in her arms to lift Toga up and throw her forward, blasting her a millisecond later. Then, she charges forward, punching and blasting her repeatedly, destroying the surrounding cityscape and cratering them in the ground!
Toga: HYAAAGH!
Narumi: Ooph!
Toga: HEEHAHAHAHA!
*SHUNK!* *SHUNK!* *SHU-SHUNK!*
Narumi: A-Agh!?
Toga pushes past the explosions that keep popping up in her face, lifting her leg and kicking Narumi in the stomach with immense force. Toga throws her blood-sucking machine's needles forward before Narumi has a chance to recover, and she SKEWERS her! The needles pierce through Narumi's limbs, and Toga, her face ecstatic, slowly starts slurping her blood as it flows into her mask. Toga leans in to offer some playful taunts as Narumi falls to her knees and starts coughing up blood.
Toga: You look a little tired and thirsty, little one...Can I get you something to drink?
Narumi: Ahh...Hah...hahahaha...! Nah...I'm good...Victory tastes better than ANYTHING!
Toga: HUH!?
Toga is shocked as Narumi raises her arms, grabs them, and with an explosive aid with her gauntlets, yanks on them so hard, they become disconnected from Toga's sucking machine! Toga spits out Narumi's blood that's already in her mouth and struggles to recover as the collected samples of everyone's blood flies everywhere! Narumi seizes this opening, grabs Toga's leg, spins and throws her up into the air!
Narumi: This little piggy went to market!
*SHUNK!*
Narumi: This little piggy stayed at home!
*SHUNK!*
Toga: Agh...Gaagh...!
Narumi: This little piggy had roast beef!
*SHUNK!*
Narumi: And THIS little piggy had NONE!
*KER-SHUNK!*
Toga: ...!
Narumi: And THIS little piggy went... WeeweeweeweeWEEWEEWEEWEEWEEWEE! ALL THE WAY HOOOOOOOOOOOOOMME!
*CRAASH!* *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!*
While Toga is airborne, Narumi recalls a child's nursery rhyme as she grabs hold of the former's needles and begins darting about at the speed of sound around her in the air! Bit by bit, she she starts to run the needles through Toga's vital body parts, first her knife hand, then her chest, then her throat, then her forehead! And to finish her combo off, Narumi grabs Toga's arm, spins her around at hypersonic speed, causing her barely alive, if not dead, body to spray blood everywhere and uses all of the momentum she built to throw her opponent back down the earth! She then follows this throw up with a powerful blast of energy to strength the impact!
A nuclear level explosion is set off by the impact, engulfing the city and all of its inhabitants except for Narumi, who floats above the mayhem, grinning at her grubby work but winking in agony.
*BZZT!* *BZZT!*
Narumi: Oh boy...
She hears her intercom ringing, and after landing safely in the middle of the hellscape, clutching her wounds, she answers it.
Narumi: Hello-
Akira [Over Comm]: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?
Narumi: Uh...well...I had to squash a mosquito? Now, listen, let the record say that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT my fault!
Akira [Over Comm]: What! The Hell! Happened!?
Narumi: Eh...Ok, so the good news is I took care of the problem...The BAD news is that I didn't get our info and there's probably a...1 in 5 chance that we might have to fight an army of superpowered monsters in a couple years...
Akira [Over Comm]: ...
Narumi: ...
Akira [Over Comm]: Did you at least have fun?
Narumi: Eh...Could take or leave...
Tumblr media
Leona: I don't think we've ever seen such wanton destruction since we started this show...Who's idea was it to bring Osone into this again?
Hifumi: To be perfectly frank, this was BY FAR the most DIFFICULT matchup to figure out, and the debate was fascinating! However, we eventually came to the conclusion that in a no-holds barred fight, Narumi Osone just BARELY had the edge.
Leona: Emphasis on "barely!" While it may seem that Narumi's destructive prowess completely overpowered anything that Toga could dish out, that really wasn't the case! Especially considering Toga's speed and wider range of superpowers and abilities compared to Narumi's very limited pool.
Tumblr media
Hifumi: Toga's arsenal wasn't very impressive on it's own, but her tools and weapons combined with the assets her quirk offered her were very challenging for not just Narumi Osone, but for anyone to counter. And while Osone can launch herself around like a rocket, Toga's ability to move so fast into an opponent's blind spot is another thing entirely.
Leona: On top of that, Toga was literally able to survive explosions that happened INSIDE her body, when she drank blood that had been affected by Curious's quirk! Simply put, Narumi's explosions and blasts of energy weren't NEARLY enough to put the blood-sucking banshee down!
Hifumi: However, the reverse was true as well! Osone's gauntlets were resistant to Genocide Jack's scissors, which are undoubtedly sharper than Toga's knives. And even if Toga was able to find an opening to cut her, which WAS very likely thanks to her incredible speed and stealth feats, cutting or piercing Osone's body would barely do anything in terms of slowing her down. Simply because Osone's body is already durable enough to withstand the recoil effect that firing her gauntlets off triggers, whereas with mostly anyone else, using the devices would be enough to completely shatter their ulna.
Leona: Also, while Toga may have been hella fast, being able to keep up with those like Eraserhead, Deku, Uraraka and Tsuyu, Narumi has kept up with the likes of Nagito Komaeda and Toko Fukawa, both of whom possess relativistic levels of reactionary feats that Narumi is more than capable of matching. If Toga was to use her speed to her advantage, in the very least, she would need to try harder than normal to get around Narumi's keen battle senses.
Hifumi: However, what ironically did put Toga in a rock and hard place here were the limitations of her own quirk. Toga has the ability to use the Quirks of people that she mimics, but ONLY if she deeply cares for that person or has an emotional connection with them, as well as an in-depth understanding of their power.
Leona: This is why Toga was only really able to utilize the quirks of Ochaco and Twice in combat. Using a quirk like Deku's "All For One" or Rock Lock's "Lock Down" would almost certainly have countered Narumi and given Toga a clear victory, but it was basically impossible, because she doesn't care enough about the latter and wouldn't have a good understanding of how either's quirk worked.
Hifumi: To make matters worse, the two quirks she COULD take advantage of were practically useless against Osone. For one, applying Zero Gravity to Osone would mean nothing since Osone can already fly and propel herself around the air. And even if she could replicate Uraraka's meteor shower move using the debris around her, this move was easily countered by Katsuki Bakugo, using a similar feat to Osone's giant combustion against Komaeda.
Leona: Sad Man's Death Parade might have allowed Toga an easy opening if the Twice clones could subdue Narumi, but based on the way Twice's quirk works, they probably couldn't. Copies created by "Double" are less durable and powerful than the real thing, dissolving into basically mud after receiving enough damage. According to Twice himself, physical injury equivalent to a broken bone is usually enough to extinguish a clone.
Hifumi: And yet Narumi Osone is out here, very capable of blowing holes through people like it's nothing. It's safe to say that she could probably take out Twice's clones with just one good punch each, and that's the least amount of power she could exhibit on them.
Leona: And it's that potential for creative strategies in combat that give Narumi Osone the ultimate victory here. Even if her explosions alone weren't enough to take Toga out, Narumi has shown she's got more than just a few simple ways of smoking a person! She could easily just turn Toga's own blades and needles against her, like she did with Aruma Todoroki and her whip. And while both are practically useless without their weapons and powers, because of the very nature of Osone's weaponry, it's much more likely that Osone would find a way to either disarm or destroy Toga's gear before Toga could do the same to Osone.
Hifumi: Thanks to their own skills and prowess, this fight came down to the wire, but because of her superior strength, lust for battle and overall counters to kit, Narumi Osone blasted her way through the competition!
Leona: Guess you can say Toga really "BLEW" her chances at winning?
Tumblr media
THE WINNER IS NARUMI OSONE!
Next Time:
Tumblr media
Kindness is compassion and love in perfect harmony. It is loving yourself enough to love those around you. But despite their power, it seems these two clumsy, skittish, yet sweethearted companions are gonna need a little help with that.
11 notes · View notes
jgmartin · 1 year
Text
CACKLE HILL
Tumblr media
[TW: graphic, gore]
The house sat as a broken, teetering tribute to the dead, perched atop Cackle Hill like a crown of rotting lumber. It was an old property. Shambling. Many years ago, it belonged to a wealthy aristocrat named Erich Cackle. The story goes that Erich had a taste for delicacies. He imported fine foods from all around the world, everything from snake wine to escargot.
Why?
Well, he loved to taste things. He delighted himself with new flavors, new culinary odysseys. At one point, he decided to try human meat. And at one point, he decided that he liked it very much.
Today, it’s estimated that over a hundred different corpses litter Cackle Hill. It’s officially recognized as a burial ground. A final resting place for a legion of people with no name and no history, no record of their existence besides the occasional femur rising from the dirt. One Halloween in 1989 though, Cackle House added a new page to its book of nightmares. A page that our town would never forget.
That night, four children climbed the hill. They crawled through the thickets and thorns that encircled the mound, and then crossed into the home of Erich Cackle himself. The infamous cannibal. All four of those kids? Massacred. They’re still finding pieces of them today.
Ever since, the house has been closed off. Out of bounds. The authorities claimed it was out of respect for the deceased, for the dozens of unmarked graves that covered the property, but the locals knew better.
The locals knew that Erich Cackle had never been tried for his crimes. They knew that he lived a full life, one with blood on his hands, hair in his teeth, and human flesh in his stomach. They knew that despite being dead for over a hundred years, Cackle still lived in his old house. They knew he watched the town from atop his hill– that he hungered for that most exquisite taste that he could no longer have.
Or at least, that’s what you’d hear on the playground. Around campfires. It’s what your older brother would taunt you with before turning off the lights for bed.
Stories like that were, and still are, magnets to children. I think that’s why our parents constantly regurgitated warnings to avoid Cackle Hill, to steer clear of it at all costs. But urban legends have a special pull on the sixteen-and-under crowd, and one night, many years ago, my friends and I learned we weren’t immune.
I think that’s why we did it, really. The three of us.
I think that’s why we crawled through the bramble that encircled the hill, why we suffered the thorns that pressed in on us like a barbed-wire fence, and braved the house of a cannibal on Halloween night. I think that’s why we made the worst mistake of our lives.
The passage up the hill was awful.
The thick bramble blotted out the moon like curtains to a window. We navigated by feeling alone with Landon in the lead, Wendy behind, and me in the rear.
A blanket of thorns pressed us down, preventing us from being able to even crawl. Instead we slid across the ground like worms. My heart worked overtime as my muscles burned, each movement more difficult than the last. It took us over an hour to make it up the hill, and once we did we needed another ten minutes just to catch our breaths.
As we did, we realized how isolated we were. At the top of the hill you couldn’t hear the cars zipping along the streets below, and even the army of trick-or-treaters looked like little more than smudges as they marched back home for the night.
It was just us there, all alone at the top of the world.
Well, us and Cackle House.
It stood twenty feet away, a tall, teetering structure with a crooked shadow. The front of it was adorned in broken windows and rotting wood. Its walls, now sagging and crumbling, looked to have once been painted white, but all that remained of that were chips of discolored beige.
I pulled my jacket tighter about myself. It suddenly felt cold. Frigid.
“I didn't think it was possible," Wendy remarked, "but this place feels even more haunted than it looks."
Landon smirked. “That’s just what they want you to think,” he said. “Dead people are just bones in the dirt, Wend. There’s no such thing as ghosts. My brother told me the only reason they say all of that stuff is because there’s actually a lot of valuable junk inside Cackle’s house– they just don’t want kids looting the goods."
Goods or not, it was hard for me to imagine looting anything from that house. It was a tight enough fit coming up here with just the clothes on our backs, let alone getting back down with a backpack full of antiques. The thorns had already cut my arms to ribbons.
“Whatever,” Wendy said. “Let’s just hurry up and get this over with. This place gives me the creeps!”
Landon rolled his eyes. "Don't be such a girl. Man up."
She planted her hands on her hips. "Ever notice how it's always the women who survive in horror movies? Maybe it’s because we're not idiots."
"Whatever you say," he said with a laugh, digging in his pocket and pulling out a flashlight. He flipped it in his hands. "If I was in a horror movie I'd probably outlive everybody– monster included.”
"Oh yeah?" I said. "And how's that?"
“Because,” Landon said simply, turning on the flashlight. “I always come prepared.” He stepped up to the battered front door and gave it a tug. It opened easily, inviting us with a low groan. He craned his head inside the doorway, sweeping the light around as if to make sure the coast was clear. Then, satisfied, stepped into the darkness.
I followed.
Inside, it was a mess. Cobwebs lined every corner of every ceiling, and what walls weren’t decorated in peeling paint were covered in faded graffiti. Beer bottles lay strewn about here and there. Old ones. Probably from a couple decades ago, back when the bramble wasn’t too overgrown to traverse. A scatter of chairs filled the dining room, three in pieces and spread out across the floor, and another bo-wlegged and weary, threatening to collapse at any moment.
Dust covered everything. Bugs skittered across the countertops, spiders and cockroaches alike, standing guard over a row of black-and-white photographs. Still lifes from a different time. One photo pictured a smiling man, his teeth a snaggle that jutted out in odd directions. The man’s eyes were sunken. Hollow. His fingers were long and skeletal, draped over the shoulders of two sullen-faced girls.
“That’s him,” Landon muttered. “Erich Cackle himself.”
Wendy shivered beside me. “Ugh. He looks even creepier than I imagined.”
I had to agree. There was something about the photo that made my insides squirm. Maybe it was the empty look in Cackle’s eyes, or maybe it was the fear that seemed to dance in the eyes of the girls. They looked uncomfortable. Deeply so.
“Those are probably girls he ate,” I said, my stomach turning. “Do you think they had any idea what he was going to do to them?”
Landon pulled open a drawer in the next room over. The kitchen. “Probably,” he said loudly. He appeared around the corner with a rusty carving knife, waving it around with an expression of mock-derangement. “Think he cut up any kids with this? Looks rusty. Could’ve been he never cleaned the blood off.”
“Oh, come on!” Wendy groaned. “Seriously, Landon. People were murdered in this house and you’re making more insensitive jokes than my dad. Put that thing back.”
“What, Wend?” Landon said with a cheeky smirk. “Everybody knows that Cackle loved chowing down on kids. Have you read his journal clippings? I found some online, and in one of em’ he said he thought kid meat was juicier than steak and twice as delicious.”
“Ew,” Wendy said, crossing her arms. “That’s disgusting. Even for you.”
Landon brought his arm to his mouth, and pretended to give it a chew. “Yum!” he said. “You guys want a taste?”
A clatter sounded from down the hall. My heart leapt into my throat, and I turned gazing down the dark corridor, terrified I was going to see Erich Cackle’s ghost.
“What’s up?” Landon asked me, taking his arm out of his mouth.
“Did you hear that?” I said.
“Hear what?” Wendy said, shaking her head.
“Be quiet for a second. Listen.”
We stood in silence. My ears strained, doing their best to parse through the pitter-patter of roving insects and the unremarkable groans of an old house settling. “It sounded like somebody dropped something,” I muttered. “Like they bumped into a table, and something fell off of it.”
“Ghosts? Oh, hell yeah!” Landon flipped the carving knife in his hand and tossed the flashlight to Wendy. She caught it with a frown. “Don’t worry,” he laughed. “If Cackle jumps out at us, I’ll gut him like this.” He pantomimed shoving the carving knife into his stomach, complete with a goofy, tongue-lolling expression.
Wendy groaned.
Air touched my neck. A soft breeze– but warm and humid. Like somebody’s breath. I gasped, wheeling around fast enough that I stumbled into Wendy.
Landon snickered. “Oh come on! Not you too, Ian. See what you’ve done, Wendy? You’re scaring him.”
Wendy shot him a scathing look. She turned to me, put a hand on my shoulder, “Is everything alright? You look stressed, Ian.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just… Don’t like spiders. Thought maybe I felt one land on me.”
“I don’t see any,” Wendy said, checking me over helpfully.
“Thanks.”
Landon heaved a sigh. “Alright, maybe you guys are right. I thought this place would be a little more haunted house and a little less… well, drug den.” He kicked an old beer bottle into the wall and it shattered. “This place is kinda just a giant moldy dump, isn’t it? Tell you guys what, why don’t we check out Cackle's bedroom, and if that’s a dud– we can head out.”
“Fine,” Wendy said, rolling her eyes. “Hurry up and get this over with. The longer we spend here the more I think I’m gonna get bit by a rabid racoon.” She pushed past him and opened a door at the end of the hallway. “Well?” she said, tapping her foot expectantly.
Landon shrugged, then took off toward the door. I followed him.
But then something hit me.
I doubled over, retching. The stench from the open door was unbearable. Rancid. Grotesque. It smelled like a blended mix of pig shit and perfume. I pinched my nose shut, gagging as I looked up at Wendy and Landon. They looked at me like I was having a fit.
“You don’t smell that?” I asked, grimacing.
They exchanged looks. Wendy shook her head. “No, I don’t smell anything– well, nothing new. Sorry, Ian.”
"Maybe your gigantic nose is just better than ours?" Landon offered.
“Oh screw off,” I grumbled, stepping toward the bedroom. "Let's just get this over with."
Landon grinned.
Cackle’s room wasn’t the mess I expected, but it certainly wasn’t in great shape. At its center was a large bed, draped in old blankets covered in fungus. Cockroaches roamed across the surface. As Landon swept his flashlight over them, they spread and scattered, disappearing off of the bed and beneath the floorboards. Wendy shuddered. “Disgusting…”
On either side of the bed loomed two large dressers, both finely carved. On top of them sat a forest of beer bottles. In the far corner, tucked away in a mess of cobwebs and dust, stood a tall mirror. A crack ran down its center. Curious, I decided to give the mirror a closer look, but the closer I got the worse the putrid smell became. My stomach twisted. The scent bordered on unbearable.
“Alright,” Wendy muttered. “There you go, Landon. We saw the bedroom and there’s no ghosts. Let’s go.”
“Hang on,” Landon said, passing her his flashlight. He slipped past me to more closely examine the mirror. He stopped in front of it and cocked his head to the side, gazing at his dusty reflection with strange fascination. He stood like that for several moments. Then his head snapped forward and he stared at the floorboards. He tapped his foot against one. It groaned. He tapped another, and this one replied with an echo.
“I think there’s something under here,” he said softly. He lifted his foot, then smashed it down on the suspect floorboard. Once. Twice. The board warped, but it didn’t break. He frowned.
I shifted, beginning to feel uneasy. “C’mon, man. We don’t need to trash this place any more than it already is. Let’s just get outta here.”
“One second,” Landon said, brushing past me and snatching the flashlight from Wendy. “Let me see if I can find a hammer first.”
Before either of us could protest, he was gone. His footsteps creaked along the twisting hallway before fading entirely. Wendy and I stood in the dark. I don’t think either of us dared to move, not when we’d already seen a handful of used needles scattered around the house. The only light we had came from scraps of moonlight, fractured and broken, filtering in through cracks in the boarded-up windows.
“Okay fine,” I said to her. “You were right. You’re always right. This place? It’s a total creepshow and we shouldn’t have wasted our time coming up here.” My nostrils ached with the smell of something rotting.
“I know,” she said tersely. “But you know how Landon gets. Once an idea enters his head, there’s no talking him out of it– we’ll just let him see what’s under the room, and then we’ll leave. Last thing we need is him throwing a hissy fit.”
“Good point.” The two of us stood there in silence, waiting seconds that turned into minutes that soon began to feel like hours. I didn’t know what Wendy was feeling. I never thought to ask. But I knew what I was feeling– terrified. I’d felt a creeping dread since first stepping into that room, and it had only gotten worse.
A creak of footsteps sounded from down the hall, coming our way. A flashlight glow appeared on the open door, growing brighter, casting a larger, more looming and twisted shadow as Landon neared. When he stepped back into the room, he looked odd.
It was his face, I think. It seemed different. It’s hard to describe, but the carefree aloofness I’d known in Landon since preschool was missing. Absent. Something had replaced it, and that something was calculated, serious.
“Ready?” Landon said, in a voice not at all his own.
Don’t trust him.
I whipped around. I’d just heard something… a voice, speaking to me. It wasn’t Wendy. It was a man, but I couldn’t place it for the life of me. My eyes scanned the bedroom. They drifted over the shadowy bulge of the bed, the towering dressers and then settled on that mirror. That awful mirror. It made my skin crawl just looking at it and then–
“Jesus!” I exclaimed, stumbling backward.
“What’s wrong?” Wendy asked, following my gaze to the cobwebbed mirror. “Was it another spider?”
I shook my head, my voice sputtering and panicked. “No. It was… It was a reflection, I think. I swear I just saw eyes in the mirror watching us.”
Landon clasped my shoulder, squeezing hard. “Poor Ian just needs a break from the scary bedroom. He can go down first.”
“What?” I said, feeling disoriented. My mind was still reeling from the shadow in the mirror. “Why me?”
“You're the tallest,” he reasoned. “Since we can’t tell how far the hole goes down, you’ll have the shortest drop.” He gave me an uneven smile. “Safety first, right?”
I looked at Wendy, but she knew as well as I did that Landon wasn’t one to be talked out of a plan. I sighed. The sooner I did this, the sooner we all left. “Fine,” I said, holding out my hand. “But I want the flashlight.”
“Sure,” he said.
I reached for it.
He pulled it back. “Not yet though. I’ll throw it to you once you drop down. I don’t want you falling on top of it and breaking it, not when we still need it to get out.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Landon didn’t seem at all like himself. This version was cold, indifferent, and uncomfortably calculating in ways I’d never seen my best friend act.
“He has a point,” Wendy said in a small voice. “Don’t worry, Ian. I’ll make sure he tosses it.”
“Whatever,” I said, shaking my head in exasperation. “Have it your way.”
Landon’s mouth split into a wide smile. He dropped to his knees and lifted his hammer over the floorboards. It came down with a deafening crack. The wood, old and rotten, splintered easily. As Landon smashed away at it, his expression turned ravenous, vicious, he seemed to take a bizarre pleasure in its destruction. Wendy and I watched. I still wonder if she saw in him the same thing I did then, but I never got a chance to ask her.
When Landon finished his work, he sat back on his heels. He panted, gazing at the jagged hole of splintered wood he’d carved into the floor, and said, “That should do it.” He lifted the flashlight and beamed it down into the hole. I couldn’t make out a damn thing. It was like the darkness was too thick for light to break through. Again, that feeling of deep unease ran through me.
“We’ll be right here,” Wendy said, squeezing my arm in encouragement. “Don’t worry.”
I shook my head, the insanity of the situation becoming impossible to ignore. I couldn’t do this. There was no way I was jumping down into a hole I couldn’t even see the bottom of– why was that so hard for my best friends to understand? “Look guys,” I said diplomatically, “I’m just not feeling it. I’m sorry but–”
A hand shoved my chest. Hard. I gasped, my mind spinning as I realized I was falling, as I realized one of my friends had just pushed me into the hole. I shot out my arms. I tried to catch myself on the sharp ridges of the hole, willing to suffer some cuts and scrapes if it meant saving myself a broken leg, but it was no use.
Screaming, I fell.
Pain found me. It ripped through my tailbone like a gunshot. I cried out, knowing I’d crashed into the bottom of that dark pit, and I wondered how far I’d fallen. My eyes blinked back tears. I couldn’t see a thing. The only thing I was aware of was how much pain I was in.
“Landon!” I heard Wendy shriek above me. “Are you crazy? You could've killed him!”
“Sorry, Wends!” he laughed, sounding more like himself… or at least, an approximation of himself. “I didn’t mean to shove him that hard. Scouts honor. I was only messing around!”
I groaned, looking at the two facing swimming in the darkness. Landon and Wendy. I must have only fallen six or seven feet, but it felt like an eternity. It was also too far for me to get back up on my own. I’d need to find a ladder, or a rope. I pushed myself to my feet to begin my search–
And crumpled to the ground.
“What’s wrong?” Wendy called.
I grit my teeth, whimpering in pain. “It’s my ankle,” I said. “I fell on it, and I think it might be broken. I can’t stand up.” I screwed my eyes shut, my eyes watering. I’d never broken a bone before.
“One second,” Wendy shouted. “I’m going to go find a step ladder”
She took the light and disappeared, leaving me and Landon alone.
“Thanks, asshole,” I seethed. “Why’d you have to push me? Are you nuts?”
But Landon didn’t respond. In the darkness, he appeared as little more than an unmoving silhouette, but somehow I got the impression he was staring at me. Like he could see me in a way I couldn’t see him. I heard him tap his hammer against the palm of his hand. I heard him begin to hum, quiet and soft.
“Have you got your phone on you?” I asked, swallowing my pain. “You might need to call my parents– not sure I can make it out of here. Even with a ladder.”
Landon didn’t answer. He continued to hum, slapping his hammer against his palm. My skin crawled. He was watching me. I knew that. I could feel it.
“I’m talking to you!” I shouted, my pain burning through my patience. “Are you listening? I’m fucking hurt because of you asshole, so stop being a creep and answer!”
No, a voice whispered.
I froze. The voice hadn’t come from Landon above – it had come from down here.
My heart pounded. I stared blindly into the darkness, doing my best to parse through the shadows but couldn’t see a thing. A dull thud met my ears. It sounded close. I shifted backward, sliding away from it only to hear what sounded like breathing in the dark. Heavy, ragged breathing.
“Hello?” I gasped.
Something shifted in the black. It sounded like footsteps sliding through dirt, moving slowly, steadily in my direction.
“Landon…” I stuttered. “There’s somebody down here, man!”
No response. Landon kept humming, kept tap tapping his hammer against his palm.
Once again I tried to push myself to my feet. Once again, pain exploded across my ankle. I collapsed into a heap of hyperventilating terror. That thing, whatever was down here with me, shuffled closer still. Panicked, I scanned the dirt floor with my hands, feeling for something, anything, that I could use to defend myself. A rusty knife. A big rock.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Wait.
What was that?
My hands closed around something long. Metallic.
A screwdriver.
“Hey,” Wendy’s voice called from above. “You still alive down there?”
“Get me out of here!” I shouted. “There’s somebody fucking down here!”
Wendy blinded me with the glow of the flashlight beam. “That’s odd,” she muttered. “What’s somebody doing down there?”
What– how the hell was I supposed to know? “Wendy I’m ser–”
“–did you happen to see this mirror, Ian? The one in the bedroom?” Her voice sounded distant. Dreamy. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, it’s a real beaut. Now, can you please get me the fuck out of here like RIGHT NOW?”
Why was it so difficult for them to understand I was in trouble down here?
In danger?
Something crashed next to me. I scrambled from the sound, realizing moments later it was the legs of a ladder. The ladder creaked and groaned, its frame bending as Wendy clambered down it, followed by Landon. He jumped onto the dirt.
“You nearly bashed my brains in!” I shouted, furious.
“What is this place?” Landon muttered, ignoring my outburst. “It feels nice. Drafty.”
I studied him warily in the flashlight glow. What had gotten into him? Landon was acting totally bizarre– calling this place nice, drafty? “No idea,” I seethed, “but I think there’s somebody down here so hurry up and help me out.”
“Heard you the first time, Ian,” Wendy said, sweeping the flashlight over the musty crawl space. The beam revealed several thick wooden support frames, stacked together close enough that they almost resembled a twisting corridor. A labyrinth. Scattered all across the ground were fat feces and animal bones.
But no sign of anything else.
Wendy brushed past me, her eyes almost as wide as the smile she wore. Minutes ago, she’d seemed to detest this house, but now she seemed in awe of it. “It’s a total maze,” she breathed. “This crawl space just goes on and on, doesn’t it? There are so many twists and turns down here. I bet you could get lost.”
“How much do you wanna bet there’s something incredible down here?” Landon asked, looking at her with wild eyes. “I bet we could find some old handbags made of human skin if we poked around. A souvenir like that would sell for big bucks.”
“Why don’t we have a look?” Wendy suggested.
Landon and her linked arms.
The idea of Landon going into the dark with Wendy made my skin crawl. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but this Landon wasn’t the Landon I knew, the Landon I grew up with. He was something different. Maybe, something dangerous. Not a minute ago he’d nearly caved my skull in by dropping a ladder on it.
“Don’t,” I said.
The two turned to look at me. Their faces were hard to see beyond the glare of the flashlight, but they looked somehow hollow. Vacant.
“Why?” asked Landon darkly.
“Because I wasn’t kidding before. I saw something down here earlier. Maybe it was just an animal and you two scared it off, but what if it wasn’t?” I swallowed. “Look, let’s just get out of here. It’s late. I’m hurt. Help me up the ladder and let’s all go home? Please?”
Wendy eyed me. “You saw something down here?”
“Well, no. I meant to say I heard something–”
Landon slapped a hand on my shoulder. “Ease up, Ian! We won’t be long. Just do us a favor and try not to piss your pants while we’re gone. The last thing I need is you reeking like a diaper while I’m carrying you down the hill.”
Wendy laughed.
The two took off, their silhouettes shuffling between the support beams, before disappearing around a sharp bend. I swallowed. My skin prickled with goosebumps, and I became acutely aware of how thirsty I felt. Sitting here like this, it was worse than any broken bone. Here, alone in the dark, I felt vulnerable. Open.
A minute passed.
Then a few more.
“Guys?” I called. I couldn’t see the glow of their flashlight anymore. How far did this crawl space go on exactly? It seemed much larger than the footprint of the house above, but maybe I was just imagining things–
Wait.
That sound.
My heart raced, my pain fading beneath a wave of adrenaline. It was the breathing. The same heavy, ragged breathing I’d heard in the darkness before had returned. Except this time it was closer. This time it was next to my ear.
I lashed out. My arm swung in the direction of the breath, my screwdriver held firmly in my grip, but I connected with nothing but open air. “Wendy!” I shouted. “Landon! There’s something here!”
They didn’t respond.
“I’m serious!” I said, and by then I was practically screaming. “Get back here! I’m not kidding around!”
Silence.
Then, from the shadows, a voice. This one high-pitched. Childlike.
Run, it told me. Run now, and don’t stop.
I scrambled away, putting my back against a support beam. I felt like a cornered gazelle. Where was Wendy? Landon? They had to have heard me by now, I’d been shouting at the top of my lungs…
Another voice reached my ears. This one a voice I recognized, and somehow, that felt all the worse.
Landon.
His voice was low, quiet. He sounded like he might be just ahead of me, somewhere in the near that sharp bend where I’d watched him and Wendy disappear just minutes earlier. He’d turned off the flashlight, though. Without it, I couldn’t see a thing.
“Now that we’ve got him here,” Landon said, “I think I’ll bash his brains in. Tenderize them. Then, I’ll give you the first bite.”
“No,” Wendy replied, her voice reverberating all around me. “I want to cut him open and see how much I can eat before he dies.”
“Greedy,” hissed Landon.
“I thought the whole point of bringing him here was so we could take our time?”
“It was, but I wanted to play with his brain, not stir up his guts.” Landon grunted. “Where did you put the saw?”
This didn’t sound a thing like the friends I knew, yet it was unmistakably them. My body quaked. It trembled. Running on instinct, I shot toward the ladder, pain be damned, and gripped the highest hand-hold I could reach. With an agonized groan, I heaved myself upward.
The rung shattered.
I crashed to the dirt, crushing my ankle beneath me for a second time. I screamed in pain. In the dim light spilling from above, I could barely make out the specter of a jagged bone piercing my skin.
“Help!” I shrieked, praying somebody might be walking by Cackle Hill. Maybe they’d hear me. Maybe they’d come rushing up and burst in and–
No. It wasn’t any use. I knew full well that it was late, much too late for people to be going for a stroll near Cackle Hill. And even if they were– how were they going to help? It took the three of us an hour just to make it through the bramble to the house. I didn’t have an hour.
I wasn’t sure I even had a minute.
The sound of footsteps met my ears, accompanied by a low humming. A figure approached in the darkness. Wendy.
“He’s kinda cute when he squirms,” she said.
She held something, patting it against her side. A saw. Rusty, and metal.
“Wendy,” I said, lips trembling. “Stop messing around, alright? I’m not kidding. I’m hurt, and I need help. Okay?”
But Wendy didn’t answer. Instead, she took a shambling step forward, her head snapping to the side, her body moving like a puppet on strings. Her tongue darted across her lips. They split into a manic smile.
Landon stepped into view beside her, his hollow expression lit up by fractured moonlight falling from the hole above. He slapped the head of his hammer against his palm. He hummed along with Wendy, the same song, but out of sync. Detached. Empty.
It matched the expression across his face.
I knew then that my friends were gone– something had crawled beneath their skin and stolen their faces. Something had taken them. Possessed them.
“Let’s savor this, Ian” Wendy. “You and me. Let’s try to enjoy this moment as much as we can, okay?”
“What… the hell does that mean?” I whimpered.
“He’d like an example,” Landon said, “Go on. Don’t be shy, Wend.”
Wendy’s tongue fell out of her mouth. It slowly swept up and across her lips, and all at once, she lunged at me. I shrieked in agony. Her sawblade dug into my shoulder. She carved it back and forth. I roared as it tore into my skin, my blood seeping down my chest and through my jacket.
“Stop!” I screamed, writhing.
But Wendy was gone. My friend was gone. This monster wearing her face stared at her work with manic glee, utter derangement dancing in her eyes as she did her best to tear my arm from my body.
My other hand, still gripping the screwdriver, moved on instinct. I swung at her. I swung with everything I had. I heard a wet popping sound, then watched as Wendy’s mouth dropped open. The gleam in her eyes died. She teetered on top of me for a moment, before falling forward with a soft groan.
A river of red flowed from the side of her head, the screwdriver wedged firmly in her skull. Her blood dripped onto my face. My eyes. I gagged, crying out as I tried to push her off, but Landon was quicker. He clambered on top of her corpse, knocking the wind from me in the process.
“Don’t you ever fucking relax?” he said.
I grunted, twisting and writhing. It was useless. In my state, moving Wendy’s body was hard enough, but both of their weights combined were impossible.
“Your friend wants me to tell you it’ll be easier if you close your eyes,” Landon said, raising the hammer. “But I disagree. I like seeing the lights go out.” He brought it down on my forehead with a crack.
My vision blurred. His silhouette became a mess of shadows. Everything from smells and sounds and even the sickening taste of Wendy’s blood became a slurry of madness. Faintly, I could tell Landon was lifting his hammer again. I could tell her was looking to finish me off.
My hands scrambled across the dirt floor. I felt around desperately, searching for anything I could protect myself with– and my fingers closed around something small. Something sharp.
Landon swung. This time I swung with him, throwing my hand upward, jabbing at him– no, jabbing into him. His eyes went wide in shock.
But it wasn’t enough. I was too slow.
The hammer struck my temple, and my world faded to black.
I awoke to a bright room, with dozens of lights shining down on me. I tossed and turned in an ocean of sheets. My head pounded. I felt disoriented– like I was still half asleep.
“Oh, Ian!” a comforting voice said. “You’re awake!
The voice was cozy, familiar. It felt warm to my ears.
My mother.
I blinked, becoming aware of her rushing to a man in the corner of the room. Get the nurse, she told him. And hurry! The man did not seem happy, but he listened to her all the same.
As my vision adjusted, I realized I knew that man too. He was my father.
My dad left the room, the double-wide doors swinging behind him. A moment later, he returned with another man in light-blue hospital scrubs.
“How do you feel?” my nurse asked. He buzzed around me like an over-vigilant hornet, checking the readings of various instruments as he made notes on his clipboard.
“I feel… a little woozy,” I told him. “Sick.”
He nodded. “I’m not surprised. You suffered a severe concussion.”
“Oh?” It was all I could manage.
“Your skull is fractured,” he explained. “But it looks like you’ve avoided the worst of it. No brain damage. You’re likely to experience migraines for some time, however. Do you know what a migraine is, Ian?”
I tilted my head up and down. Even nodding was difficult. My whole world remained a blur– so much so that I almost missed another person entering the room. A woman. She was wearing a dark jacket, with stern eyes. I didn’t recognize her.
“Where’s Landon?” I croaked to my mother. “And Wendy? Are they okay? I had a really bad dream and–”
My mother choked back a sob.
The woman with stern eyes cleared her throat. She put a hand on my mother’s shoulder, and stepped forward to the side of my bed. “Hello Ian, I’m a detective with the police. I’d like to ask you a couple of questions, if you’re feeling up to it?”
“Sure…” I mumbled.
“I need to know if you remember anything about Halloween.”
I wracked my mind. Thinking was hard. The landscape of my thoughts felt like quicksand, falling through my fingers as soon as I reached out to them– but then certain pieces began to jump out at me. Memory fragments.
“I remember going up Cackle Hill,” I said, slowly. My eyes cautiously swiveled to my father, quite certain I was going to be grounded for life for just admitting I’d trespassed on that property. But my father didn’t get upset. He just stood there, gnawing at his lip. I decided to take that as a good sign, and pressed forward. “I went into the house with my friends Landon and Wendy. It was pretty gross. All we saw was some old photographs, a lot of spiders, and this creepy old mirror that…”
I paused.
There was somebody else there with us, wasn’t there? A voice, I thought. A presence.
“So far that matches what we have,” the detective said, referring to a notepad in her hand. “Around 2 a.m., we received several 911 calls from residents in the vicinity of Cackle Hill, claiming they heard shouts for help. Four officers were dispatched to the house via helicopter. They located you unconscious in the crawlspace.”
I took a sharp breath. It was only then I realized I had plastic tubes stuffed into my nostrils, rigged to an oxygen unit next to my bed. Breathing felt difficult. Harder than I remembered.
The detective cleared her throat. “We found you lying beneath the bodies of Landon Mattews and Wendy Song.”
My heart pounded. Somewhere in the room, a machine began to beep more rapidly. “What happened?” I asked, panic slipping into my voice.
The detective exchanges a look with my mother. She takes a deep breath. “Your fingerprints were found on an old screwdriver and a rusty nail. Do either of those objects mean anything to you?”
My thoughts raced. “Should they?”
“Presumably. They were the objects you used to murder Wendy Song and Landon Matthews, respectively.”
I sucked in another sharp breath. Machines sang throughout the hospital room, their choruses rising to shrill new heights. I suddenly felt hot. Unwell. I’d killed my friends– murdered them. It was enough that I felt numb all over, like my entire body had been crushed beneath the weight of the nightmare itself.
Like it wasn’t even there.
“What we’ve been so far unable to explain, however,” the detective continued, “is the fact that both Landon Matthew’s and Wendy Song’s corpses were partially consumed at the time they were located. Their faces, particularly their cheeks, had been badly bitten. We found traces of their DNA in your teeth, and presently, we believe we’d found evidence of their consumption in your stomach.”
I wanted to vomit.
My mother stepped forward. She raised a hand to the detective, and spoke with a hoarse, broken voice. “That’s enough,” she said. “He doesn’t need to hear that. Not now.”
No, I didn’t need to hear that. Not now. Not ever.
But the detective paid my mother a frown. “Unfortunately, he does. Based on lab analysis of the bite marks, it’s likely that your son not only murdered his classmates– but partially cannibalized them. I’d like to know why. So, I think, would their parents.”
My head spun. How could this be happening? I’d never– there was no way…
“Jesus Christ!” my father shouted, shocking me. My father was normally a quiet, stern man and difficult to get a rise out of. “Look at him, lady! You think he had a choice? You think he crawled underneath their bodies? No! They were trying to fucking kill him and he defended himself!”
My mother pressed a soothing hand against my dad’s chest. She leaned her head on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. It seemed to calm him somewhat. But only barely.
“Self defense is entirely legal,” the detective agreed, “but cannibalism is not self-defense.” She rounded on me, getting right up next to my bedside, leaning down so that her and I were eye level. “But the thing I’d like you to help me understand, Ian, is who the other bite marks belonged to.”
“O-other bite marks?” I sputtered.
“Yes. In addition to those found on their cheeks, your friends also had bite marks on their arms and legs. Strips had been torn clean. Who attacked them in such a savage manner is something that we’ve thus far been unable to determine, but we do know those marks were made by human teeth.”
A shiver ran through me, but whether it was the drugs coursing through my veins, or the sheer horror I felt, I barely registered it. My body felt frozen. Unable to move.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m sorry… I didn’t see anybody else.”
“You’re certain?”
Something bubbled up inside of me. Horror, frustration, self-loathing and shame, coalesced into something like rage, and I finally snapped. “Why would I lie to you?” I shouted. “My best friends are dead and I’m sitting here with a busted ankle and tubes sticking out of me, and you’re telling me I ate them, and now you’re calling me a liar?” Tears poured from my eyes. My mouth trembled with sobs. “What’s wrong with you?”
The detective’s mouth fell open. “You didn’t… feel it then, did you?”
I blinked back the tears. “Feel what?”
She looked to my mother and father, and then to the nurse. Her eyes swam with horror. All three of them looked away from the detective, almost as though they couldn’t bear to get involved.
“I’m sorry to be the one to show you this,” she said, eyes downcast. Reluctantly, she pulled back the sheet covering my torso. With every inch the sheet moved, my heart pounded.
I watched it pound.
I watched my lungs contract and expand. I watched my body, or what was left of it, go about its business as though my torso were transparent and not split open. Tubes spilled out of me from all angles. So many of my organs were missing.
Along with my arms. My legs.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I couldn’t even bring myself to cry. It was all I could do to stare at my hollowed out body in silent horror.
“Whatever took those bites out of your friends…” the detective began, unease in her voice. “We think they also dismembered you, Ian.”
She paused. Gave herself a moment to take a deep, shuddering breath. “They chewed your limbs to the bone, then laid them next to you in a cross. We discovered a small incision made into your side. From what the surgeon suspects, that incision was used to reach inside of you and pull out pieces of your organs. Not enough to kill you. Just enough to taste.”
The detective lowered her eyes
“We found your appendix partially devoured on the far side of the crawlspace, as well as various pieces of your large intestine scattered throughout the house. All partially consumed. Mercifully, your wounds had been cauterized. That’s probably the only reason you're still alive and breathing."
My mind felt blank. I couldn’t process what she was saying. Sure, it was true that I was alive, but did that matter anymore? Could I even exist in a state like this? Existential panic like I’d never felt began to crash in on me like a collapsing dam.
"Ian," the detective said. "If you have any idea who did this to you, I need to know now. Whoever did this to you could be out there intending to hurt more people.”
Whoever did this to me?
My heart pounded. I watched it beat, thump thump, and I knew the detective was right– whoever did this would hurt more people. Maybe not today. Maybe not for another decade even. But they would, eventually.
I knew that for certain.
"Ian?" the detective pressed. "Please. Our clock is ticking on catching this monster– anything you know. Anything you can remember. Do you know who did this to you?”
Of course I did.
I think everybody in that room knew, even if they didn't want to admit it. All of them, standing there and looking at me like I was the victim of some sick junkie or escaped asylum patient. None of them wanted to believe the truth. None of them wanted to accept the fact that the man who fed on my insides was already dead.
He'd been dead for over a hundred years.
30 notes · View notes
tame-a-messenger · 7 months
Note
If you could replace one Smosh show/series with an older cancelled show or a new one, what would it be?
I will always want Hot Pepper Karaoke back. Or really any of the punishment games they used to play. it was so much fun back then! I wish they did more videos where how well you did actually meant something.
(Angela recently mentioned keeping a score system so they can exchange points for actual things) (BOY IS THAT WOMEN BREATHING AIR BACK INTO SMOSH) (she really does have the Smosh spirit in her :') I'm so proud)
With all the food shows they seem to do nowadays (EIOYI, Culinary Crimes etc..), I really miss Put It In My Mouth. In my opinion it was the BEST concept for a food show on Smosh, and they keep making shows that are so much like it but don't have the same charm that show did. It felt the most 'Smosh-like' out of anything they've done since.
As for a new show? I'm not totally sure? there's tons of ideas buzzing around in my head of concepts that would be awesome to see, but I think the biggest thing they haven't done too much is- up their production. Like I would LOVE to see a show where they had to get out of their elements a little, get a camera crew together and go camping or something, I want a series I guess? like a one-off? something like that I think would be really cool! (I'm imagining SSG/SWG kind of production, they always had so much fun and were so much fun to watch as a fan)(not to mention the bts vlogs were always SO MUCH FUN)
7 notes · View notes
Text
Continued from here for @mechatiqe!
Her question performed as it was intended: all traces of Kazuichi's self-apprehension seemed to have dissipated after they'd left the café. It was either the distraction or the pleasant weather, and Sonia wasn't about to question either if it kept him from both panicking and from fawning over her. Both were, in their own ways, equally disastrous. "So you grew up with a wrench in your hands then," Sonia confirmed with a small smile, waiting until the light changed before beginning to cross the street. She wasn't an expert, but she felt fairly certain that all cars made the sounds Kazuichi described. Perhaps it was like trying to choose a favorite book or horror antagonist: some things just couldn't be selected out of so many wonderful options and he simply loved all cars equally. "And you like understanding how all of the parts come together to make a moving vehicle, is that correct?"
That part, Sonia couldn't really understand. But the driving of cars...or rather, watching others drive (she had to remember she was in a foreign country. Even if being heir to the Novoselic throne made needing a driver's license redundant at home, Japan would not be so lenient with her tendency to take a car for a spin around the grounds of various royal properties). That, at least, she could relate to: she had seen, and done, her fair share. "Soda-san, have you ever attended a car race?" She asked eagerly, their conversation prompting her to ignore the siren song of the bookstore closest to Hope's Peak's campus. Alongside cafes and konbinis, she spent much of her free time there. For someone who always had an assistant to order whatever she needed, Sonia was spoiled for choice with novels, manga, and various blu-rays of films and shows she wanted to add to her print media collection, and she could hand over her own money in person to acquire them. "With the formal track, and spectator stands, and professional drivers and the various organizations that sponsor them? They are great fun! I have attended the Monaco Grand Prix a few times, but never a race in Japan."
The Formula One circuit was one of many, Sonia had learned, but she suspected Japan would have something similar. And if Kazuichi's family was a prestigious one in the world of automobile repair, then it was likely their expertise might be sought for racing cars. Still, her smile faltered when he brought up that connection. It reminded her, for better or worse, that she was different than many of her friends. They chose their talents and passions, grew into them, evolved with them and truly shaped them as their own identity. Sonia had been given no choice in the matter of her talent, or future for that matter, the moment she was born: she was a princess who would become queen one day, and she would spend her entire life devoted to that singular cause until the day she died. For the most part she flourished, her heart and mind open to love and learn, preserving tradition and taking steps into a prosperous future. But there were times when she wished for something else, something more, something she herself had chosen all on her own to be passionate about and share it with the world. Sure, she adored her horror movies and the occult and true crime stories involving various serial killers and cult leaders, but that wasn't something like cars. Everyone, despite understanding them or not, could accept cars: her personal interests made others, for the most part, uncomfortable at best and downright worried for her future at worst (her mother leading the charge of that group, of course).
"Y-yes," She piped up as they passed a supermarket. Another fascinating place, though one she was discouraged to visit alone. When unchaperoned, Sonia tended to buy a mish-mash of items that could hardly make up a meal even if they were prepared with skill and expertise, neither of which she possessed when it came to culinary pursuits. "That seems like how it should be: that talent comes from following a passion, a choice one has made to pursue for the rest of their lives." Something she couldn't relate to, but now that she'd said it, realized she adored seeing in so many of her classmates, Kazuichi included.
Tumblr media
That included the unexpected: Sonia had, perhaps foolishly, assumed Kazuichi's interests began and ended with the following things: cars, giant mechanical devices that on some occasions seemed to move on their own, and herself, though not necessarily in that order. "You like trains as well?" She asked, eyebrows raised as they approached Hope's Peak Academy's front gates, and the guard who also raised his eyebrows at the two. Though in his case, it was because the pairing walking together and having civil conversation seemed less than unlikely, it was truly a hell frozen over situation. Kazuichi idolized her and on more than one occasion, Sonia had clearly proclaimed that he was her stalker and she did not care for his attention. "I am a bit more familiar with those! Riding them, anyway: my family is given use of the Royal train carriages at home, which is often how we travel around Western Europe when needed. It is not as cool as public trains I suppose, especially Japanese bullet trains, but I am fond of it nevertheless."
Many of the carriages had only been renovated as much as needed for modern luxuries, leaving the overall design an homage to the elegant train eras of the 19th and early 20th Centuries. A trip to the past, which her life seemed to constantly be unless she challenged the Royal social norms. The same norms that, when considering a field trip, Sonia could only suggest what she'd been deprived of as the Princess of Novoselic.
"Oh, well, that is an easy choice," She beamed, her cheeks turning lightly pink. "Though my idea of a 'field trip' is nothing terribly refined. You see, we do not have amusement parks in Novoselic, and I would very much like to visit one. One with very tall and very fast roller coasters! And haunted houses! I have read that some amusement parks even put on a temporary theme during the fall for Halloween, with even more spooky and scary entertainment! I should like to see that and ride all of the 'thrills,' indeed!"
5 notes · View notes
firstdivisiongirl · 1 year
Note
May I please have a One piece scenario of when the entire sunny crew discover that the platefuls of food that you (Sanji's teenage daughter) worked so hard on was missing and obviously the crew had been looking forward to eating the food that you made for dinner and it obviously wasn't going to happen because a certain someone ate it all and that certain someone happened to be Luffy and you were quick enough to catch him out for his food crime in regards of how he had a "I enjoyed the food" look on his face...you were not impressed by his actions considering that you spent hours making seventeen something dishes for everyone. You didn't care about a crime that you were planning on commiting on the captain in regards of him eating all the food. Luffy was facing death in the face big time and for the first time in years..Luffy felt as if he sensed danger. (A funny scenario to put it simply..it isn't serious..just a teenage girl getting angry with her captain because he ate all the food that she worked on for hours.)
No pairings.
Hi! You sure may. This was such a fun request. The moment I read this, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. It took me awhile, but I think I came up with something you will hopefully like. Bon appetite (get it because it’s about cooking. I’m going to stop now.)
Tumblr media
Which one of you ate the food?
You loved your crew.  You practically grew up with them.  I mean how could you not, your dad was on the crew.  Being the daughter of Sanji, you gained a lot.  Especially when it comes to culinary skills.  You guys were celebrating a huge victory, so you asked your dad if you could cook for the banquet, by yourself.  He of course agreed.  He was such a proud papa about you doing this.  You spent hours, no days preparing everyone’s favorites: meat, cotton candy, curry, rice, etc.  You had a total of 17 dishes completed, you even made the favorite dishes of former crew member Vivi and Luffy’s “bestie” Law.  You walked away to get all dressed up for the party.
***
The alcohol was flowing and the fun commenced.  Everyone was happy and celebrating.  Zoro and your dad were fighting like usual, but they were at least happy.  “Okay everyone,” you announced, “I’m going to get all the food.  I hope you like it.”
“Of course we will Y/N,” Nami reassured.
You walked into the kitchen.  You noticed all of the plates and bowls that were previously piled high with food were none empty, not even a crumb left.  You let out a frustrated eardrum shattering scream.  Your father was the first to rush in.  “Y/N,” he asked concerned, “what happened?”  Then he notices the empty plates.  Both of you storm back onto the deck with everyone else.  Your right leg is on fire, which matched the fire in your eyes.  “Which one of you ate all the food? I swear whoever ate it, will be kicked into the ocean!”
Everyone turned and looked right at their food loving Captain.  Luffy looked so scared sitting on his favorite seat on the Sunny.  The kind of scared he felt when he unexpectedly saw his grandfather.  He was sweating profusely.  Like buckets worth of it.  You walked up to him.  “If it makes you feel better, it was amazing,” he told you.  He was hoping you would go easy on him and just smack him, but you lifted your right leg and kicked him into the ocean.  He went flying.  “Should we go, I don't know, save him?” Usoop questioned, packing dripping from each word.
“We should.  But don’t let him anywhere near the kitchen for about an hour.  Also Franky, can you put a lock on the kitchen door?”
“Sure thing kid.”
Zoro dived into the ocean and came back up with a drenched Luffy.  You walked back into the kitchen to work on cooking, laughing at how your dad and your favorite swordsman yelled at your dumb straw hat wearing captain.  
6 notes · View notes
brokentoys · 1 year
Text
The people in Eddie's life (masterpost)
A short bio & explanation of people who are important in Ed's life, or will be important in Ed's life! A lot of it's from my own lores and ideas (well, since I did say this was an original take on Eddie in the pinned post ✌️😉)
Tumblr media
Frank Nashton
Frank was the youngest out of 8 other siblings. The Nashton family was full of belligerent, dishonest cheats who claim to be religious, but clearly wasn't much at all. They were known for constantly getting in trouble with the law due to stealing, and getting into fights with neighbors as well as themselves.
Having no money and a family that doesn't give a damn about him. Frank knew he wasn't smart enough for those white collar jobs, or even the blue collar jobs. Therefore, he began branching out in the underground for any big crime boss that would be interested in hiring him as another disposable goon.
Not longer after meeting a rather wild, but lazy young woman named Amelie Boucher, Frank had a child with her - a child he wanted her to 'get rid of' from the beginning. But Amelie insisted on having the baby, whom she named Edward Frank Nashton, the middle name was likely to appease him and what love they did share back then. Since Eddie was an unwanted child, Frank felt no love for him. And due to his temper, Frank often lashed out on the child - both verbally and physically. Amelie never cared, rather the man direct his anger toward someone that wasn't her. And Frank's anger toward his own son became severe after finding out what good grades Eddie was getting in school. Out of envy, Frank did all he could to deter Eddie's success.
Not long after Eddie finished college and acquired a job at the GCPD, Frank was killed in a shooting with a rival group. A moment that Eddie's still bitter about, feeling as though he missed out on killing the man himself.
Tumblr media
Amelie Nashton (Née Boucher)
Amelie's parents were French immigrants who moved to the States in hopes of starting a culinary business. They moved to Gotham thanks to its low rent rates. Amelie was a very intelligent young girl. However, she was always too lazy and unmotivated to use her intelligence for anything. Because of this, she was constantly shunned and highly disliked by her parents, who preferred her hardworking and subservient brother, Edward. And because of that, Amelie grew envious and resentful towards her brother. Even having near once pushed him into a well.
Amelie had a baby not long after meeting troublemaker Frank Nashton, who brought even more shame for the Boucher parents. She named the baby Edward, if it's because she wanted to impress her parents, or because deep down, she does have a soft spot for her older brother, is unknown and she refuses to say. Amelie thought her parents would love little Edward, as they've been pushing for her brother to have a child. Amelie was wrong. Her parents disowned her. And Amelie, who never really wanted a child, neglected little Eddie in favor for alcohol.
However, when Eddie entered his teen years, Amelie started developing an uncomfortable interest in Eddie. Something Eddie had initially dismissed just because he wanted the attention from one of his parents.
Tumblr media
The Puzzler (true identity; Edward Boucher)
After experiencing the treatment of his sister at a young age, Edward became desperate to appease his parents to avoid similar treatment. Which worked, however it was at the cost of his own identity. Edward felt forced to be something he wasn't in fear of disappointing his parents. He felt imprisoned, and eventually became perpetually bored with his life, and wanted more excitement.
At 17, Edward began committing various crimes for thrills - some as small as theft, and eventually getting as big as murder. Although he never gave himself an alias, the media dubbed him "the Puzzler" due to his habit of sending crossword puzzles to the authorities with alleged hints to his next crimes, and his identity. A way to add to the thrill if there's a chance in getting caught. His talents were acknowledged by a crime lord of Gotham. Not as big as the Falcones or the Cobblepots, but still a sizeable mob family. Edward joined and began carrying out deeds for the crime lord. Until three years later, when he conspired with comember False Face, and killed the crime lord and took the mob for themselves. Many superheroes keep secret alter egos, usually villains don't. But Puzzler always wore a mask and kept his true identity a secret, initially in fear of disappointing his parents.
Despite his parents insistence on grandchildren from him, Edward never cared to have a child. He couldn't see himself loving one. Until his sister had a baby, and Edward met little Eddie and instantly fell in love. He couldn't explain why, but Eddie was everything he wanted in a child. After two years of spending time with Eddie, Edward realized he wanted a child. But not just any, he wanted Eddie. However, after many times babysitting Eddie, Edward realized his lifestyle was too dangerous for a child. Even with keeping Puzzler as a secret identity, the crime life called for his attention too much to make time for a child. With a heavy heart, Edward decided against kidnapping Eddie.
After many years of being the Puzzler, rumors about his identity began circulating. Especially after the police had solved many puzzles he had sent to them over these years. Edward acknowledged it wouldn't be long until the authorities, and the rival mobs, discover he's the Puzzler. He'll surely be bored to death in prison. To escape his identity coming out, upsetting his parents, and getting Eddie potentially wrapped in such a life, Edward faked his death with his favorite doctor - who intentionally wrongfully diagnosed him with terminal brain cancer with only months to live. Thanks to False Face, 'Puzzler' continued operations after Edward's 'death' and all accusations were dropped. Edward ran off to England with his doctor to pursue a relationship with him, and live a new life. Eddie, not knowing Puzzler and his uncle are the same, assumed his uncle didn't leave anything for him as a way to build character, rather than the real reason - which was to protect Eddie from getting involved in the underground life... but how long could Puzzler even stay away from it?
Tumblr media
False Face (true identity; ? ? ?)
Not much is known about False Face, and who or what he even is. To himself, he's a mystery. Ever since he was a child, False Face has had this plastic mask-like thing attached to his face, and he can shapeshift into any person he wanted to. Of course, that much power is too tempting to not abuse. False Face used his powers to pretend to be other people in order to steal from many properties such as banks and stores. False Face eventually found greater opportunity for money if he was in a gang - posing as a made up person named William Throne. False Face never revealed his "true" plastic face to anyone; most don't even know he exists, and others knows him as multiple people.
Because he's spent most of his life lying and pretending to be other people, False Face believes most people to be fake themselves, and rarely believes in honesty. Except for Puzzler - his "coworker" within the mob. The two formed a close friendship as they felt they were the only two who could understand each other. They both struggled with identity issues, both were compulsive liars, donned masks, and craved excitement. Ironically, they began to trust each other enough to reveal their identities to one another, and together, they hatched up a scheme to take over the mob they worked for.
After Edward Boucher's "death," False Face played his role as the Puzzler, and William Throne. It fooled the media. However, False Face didn't feel as confident without the real Puzzler aside him. After 10 years, he "retired" the Puzzler identity, and continued living life as William Throne - another ordinary crime boss of Gotham City.
This remained until Edward returned from England after 28 years - with news that his life in England has "ended" as his husband died from, ironically, terminal cancer. With the real Puzzler coming out of retirement, the two decided to take over Gotham City together. Now, if only an annoying investigative journalist doesn't try to crack the riddle as to WHOM is the Puzzler...
Tumblr media
Beverly "Bev" Madison
Eddie never knew her well - only a sex worker he's hired a few times, since Bev would come around to Eddie as she admired his intelligence. Bev strongly believed smarter people were rare in the current age, and the government is dumbing the masses down with technology and propaganda. She disappeared from her usual spot after the last time Eddie bought her services. Eddie had assumed she retired - which he was right about that. Bev met a man named Edison Alarie and his peculiar "family." A family of the only intelligent people left in Gotham. Feeling lost, and having gotten recently knocked up by one of her clients, Edison offered Bev salvation with a home. Impressed by his mental prowess, Bev joined the "family" and entered a romantic relationship with Edison. Everything is now happy within the family.
Just don't ask where her right arm went...
Tumblr media
Edison Alarie
A man in his early 50s who once was an archeologist in France. However, after finding an ancient book with tales of a demon and prophecies of how it will return. Edison immediately quit his job and moved to America, Gotham - believing that is the place the book speaks of, and believing he is worthy to be a vessel for the demon as he's the only one smart enough for it. As the book shunned the ignorance of mankind, and every ignorant human will be killed, but those who are intelligent will be spared. Edison started a cult family based on this concept, and to seek out the few remaining intellects of Gotham city.
Eddie met Edison not long after reforming. However, he remained unaware of Edison's book. And for the longest time, though he was an eccentric man who could sometimes be spotted at the public library. Because of their similarities, and that two heads are better than one, Eddie and Edison were even friends for a period of time.
That was, until Eddie learned more about Edison's "family," and discovered his "book."
Tumblr media
Elaine Nigma Madison
Bev's three year old kid who lives with her and the rest of Edison's "family." She's a sweet, albeit a bit antisocial toddler who, seemingly to Edison's frustrations, exhibits strong signs of autism. Despite Bev's claims that she's Edison's - Eddie can't help but notice Elaine bears a strong resemblance to someone familiar...
By default, in Ed's reformed verse, Elaine lives with Ed.
Tumblr media
Sphinx (previous identity; Maria Scromulski)
Maria was raised by very strict, catholic parents who believed in harsh punishment. The punishment didn't deter Maria, but instead encouraged her to act out even more. Maria was kicked out of her home at 18, but found refuge at Pandora's Box. As a sex worker there, she adopted the name "Sphinx" - after her interest in riddles, as well as her desire to be as monstrous as the mythical creature.
At 19, she was arrested for manslaughter following an argument she had with her boyfriend at the time on the interstate when their car broke down, and she eventually pushed him into the ongoing traffic in anger. Although it was unintentional, she did feel a bloodlust awaken in her. Sphinx was sentenced to prison, but was released after 5 years on good behavior.
A year after her release, Sphinx went back to work and became acquainted with Gotham's newest menace, the Riddler, who became a frequent visitor of Pandora's Box. The two started officially dating within a mere week of knowing each other. Sphinx introduced Ed to more exciting substances than mere alcohol and cigarettes.
Sphinx's and Ed's relationship began to deteriorate due to Sphinx's aggressiveness, and her constant jokes about how easy it would be for her to kill Ed and everyone in Pandora's Box. Their relationship came to an end after a trip on a train and Sphinx had the rather exciting idea to rob the entire train to allegedly help Riddler's plans, as well as more money for drugs. Eddie, being new to meth, had smoked too much and was too far gone to protest, or say anything other than have a drug-induced panic. It was known as the Gotham station massacre after several lives were lost since Sphinx just wanted to have fun. Eddie vows he was a victim, too, but the media didn't believe him. Eddie was readmitted to Arkham Asylum, and Sphinx was sentenced without parole afterward.
Tumblr media
Antoine Moray
Ed's boyfriend back in college. Initially, the two were known as "closer than peas in a pod." And even though Eddie wasn't studying for it, he'd often act in Antoine's plays. However, Antoine became busy with his acting aspirations and Eddie began feeling neglected. Then seeing how much the audience adores Antoine, Eddie felt bittered and jealous - both of Antoine receiving fame, and of Antoine seemingly preferring the attention of strangers over his boyfriend's. Because of Ed's overbearing jealousy and temper, as well as his alcoholism, the two eventually cut off the relationship.
Now Antoine is a world famous A-List actor who has played in many movies. He has never once brought up the fact that he dated Eddie back in college, and likes to keep that hushed for the sake of his reputation. Eddie rarely mentions their relationship, too. But he does own every movie Antoine stars in. Even the bad ones.
Tumblr media
Miyu Tangram
A former small bit criminal. She was mostly involved with cybercrimes such as cyberextortions. Miyu met Eddie not long after he reformed. She thought they could "grow better together." Which worked. For six months. Until Miyu grew exhausted from the constant stress Eddie's life put on her. From her being a damsel in distress to Eddie's enemies, to Eddie's drug addictions. After one night of seeing Eddie passed out on the floor from an alcoholic binge - Miyu left a goodbye note to him, knowing if she broke up with him in person, he'd beg her to stay and she'd feel bad. After, Miyu left Gotham to find a more peaceful town.
Tumblr media
Artie Paris
Eddie's former classmate from high school - whom Eddie used to relentlessly bully. Artie was always the smallest teen in school, and was painfully mediocre. Being the weakest kid made him an easy target for Eddie to take his own anger out on. But instead of resenting Eddie for this, Artie idolized Eddie, and the idolization was stronger after Eddie became the Riddler. Artie wished to have Eddie's intelligence, and fame.
Artie went to a life of crime and bank robberies in hopes to be just like Eddie. He's spent years stealing enough money to fund plastic surgeries to look just like Eddie. ( Yet everyone still doesn't think he looks like Eddie ) He's tried to buy clothes that matches Eddie's style, albeit with more black colors to it for an edge.
After Eddie fell into a coma for a year after a malfunction of his own death trap, Artie tried to swoop in and take over Eddie's place as the Riddler. However, no rogues took him seriously, and his "riddles" were so bad, Batman wasn't even needed for the police to find him.
After Eddie awoken from his coma, and reformed, Artie came to the conclusion that he will never be Eddie... until he wears Eddie's very own skin. Artie makes several attempts to kill Eddie, but pathetically fails every time.
7 notes · View notes
kxllerblond · 6 months
Note
[RAMSAY] --- Salem ( she'd still eat it. But y'know. )
Tumblr media
REASONS TO CUP A FACE./ @platiinums
[RAMSAY]: after the receiver commits a culinary crime, the sender presses two slices of bread against either side of their face, cupping their face to hold the bread in place, and calls them an idiot sandwich.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Clark is immediately swatting at the bread and pulling himself away like some dog trying to slip its collar as soon. ❝ Don't waste bread. If you didn't like what I made, just say so. ❞ he brushes any crumbs from his cheeks and moodily glowers at her.
❝ Don't be a child about it. ❞ he shakes his head again, mumbles to himself grouchily.
❝ I'd ask who raised you but I'm sure I can assume it probably wasn't anyone of note. ❞ a bit below the belt? Sure, but he tended to go there when he felt slighted. The cambion took to scooping the bowl up, set it on the counter, and crossed his arms. He was silent for a time, as if trying to discern just what he wanted to do with her.
❝ Now cookin' for someone means a lot, it's an action that has weight behind it for me-—and I need you to understand that. I'm willing to be told something isn't good or done right, that's fine. But don't come into my kitchen and disrespect me. I have quite literally taken tongues for less. ❞ he seemed clearly vexed still, but the heat was gone. All the remained was that quiet sternness.
1 note · View note
monsterritory · 1 year
Note
Jazz Anon here again, XD!
I completely understand that you couldn’t reply to it publicly. It was especially…spicy. Somewhat. XD!
I have another one, don’t worry!
Tommy’s a teenaged detective…. Well, he wants to be.
But he’s somewhat of a busybody who sticks his nose into crimes and solves them out of skill and a lot of sheer luck.
Well, this catches the attention of a very secretive and cruel murderer who has a rich double life.
So, now, we have a cat and mouse game. Who will win? Who will get locked away? Will feels get in the way? Will they make things worse for the more morally thoughtful one? Who knows….
Oh! Another thing. Tommy works at a restaurant chain as a waiter….The murderer owns the very lucrative chain.
Your turn. ;3
I see, I see. I like it. So there's a murderer and cooking involved, you say. 
You see, Jazz. During my vacation, I discovered for the very first time what Hannibal is. So... 
[Cracks fingers] 
“Hey detective boy. Caught any criminals lately?” Dream laughed at one of the waiters at his restaurant. 
“Oh, you know me. Working hard and hardly working.” Tommy laughed it off. 
He sometimes wondered if telling his boss about his hobby was a wrong move. But at the very least Dream was the only adult who took his desire to catch villains seriously. At least somewhat seriously. 
“I’m glad you found time to test my new dish in between your investigations.” Dream smiled, setting down his latest culinary invention. “I understand it wasn’t easy, with the recent disappearance of Wilbur Soot.” 
Tommy shrugged, staring at the metal dome over the plate. 
“He was always kinda clumsy and shady. I’m sure he just got drunk and ended up in some ditch again. I’ll find him in no time, and get myself another article to rub in his face.” 
“I’m sure you’ll find him.” Dream cheered, lifting the metal cover and showing Tommy a selection of freshly baked cupcakes. “He meant a lot to you… you two were close, weren’t you?” 
Tommy grabbed a cupcake, inspecting it with his eyes while his mind wandered away, digging up the memories of his friend. 
“Kind of? Wilbur is annoying, but in an older brother kinda way.” He waved his hand, sniffing the cupcake. It smelled salty. 
Dream blinked once, then twice, looking surprised at Tommy’s words. 
“A brother? Oh, I thought you were…” 
“What?” Tommy looked at him. 
Dream shook his head. 
“Sorry. It’s not my place to make assumptions about your relationships. I hope you don’t see it as more than a boss trying to show support for his worker’s life.”
Tommy grimaced, getting what Dream was thinking. 
“Yeah, no, Wilbur is like a brother to me. And I’m gonna tell him a lot of shit once I find him.” 
Tommy bit into the cupcake, giving it a thorough chew, then another. Then his eyes shot wide open. Out of pure politeness, he still forced himself to swallow what he bit. 
“Boss, no offense, but this stuff tastes like ass. What’s in it?” 
Dream laughed at the boy’s reaction, finding it adorable. 
“Just some smoked salmon. This idea came to me in a dream.” 
“Well, it didn’t work out so well in real life.” 
It’s no surprise Tommy felt so confident being so honest with his boss. Dream always told him he valued honesty first and foremost. 
“Really? I thought they were delicious.”
“Nah, if we serve this - we’ll never have another customer again.” 
“I see.” Dream shrugged, grabbing a cupcake for himself. “Then I suppose we can keep this dish between the two of us.” 
“Your embarrassment is safe with me.” Tommy nodded, setting the cupcake down. 
He sat in silence while Dream finished one of his own creations, then addressed the boy again. 
“Again, I apologize for making assumptions about your life. The only way I can justify my interest is by letting you know that if you ever want a day off to go on a date, just give me a word and you’ve got it, kid. I know how important romance is, especially at your age.” 
Tommy’s eyes sparkled with gratitude. He smiled at Dream. 
“You’re a cool boss, you know that?”
“Thank you, I try. So, should I give you a day off this weekend because a cupid has shot an arrow through your heart recently?” 
Tommy stared at the window in the room, looking dreamily at his own reflection in it. 
“Well, there’s this one person… I was going to see them this thursday. It’s gonna be good weather, and I know a good park nearby where I live.” 
Dream’s lips parted in a Cheshire’s cat grin. The little worm was telling him where to find the next salmon all so willingly. 
“What luck. You’re free from your shift this thursday, I’ve just decided. But come to my office next saturday, I think I’ll have a new dish ready by then. And you know the deal, it’s not going on the menu without my favourite waiter’s approval.” 
Tommy laughed at the statement, but thanked Dream profusely for the free day. 
“Sometimes I wonder how you ever came to run a restaurant. You have yet to invent a good dish, and I’ve tried your attempts for years.” 
No hard feelings were hit with that joke, and Tommy went on to complete the rest of his shift. 
Dream watched him leave his office. Then he grabbed the tray of cupcakes and tossed them into the trash can. 
“Guess he didn’t like you like that after all, Wilbur. Oh well. There’s always another mistake he can make, until the day he sees there’s only one perfect contestant for his heart.”
Dream licked his lips, tasting his latest victory. One of many that passed, one of many to come.
"Me."
~ ~ ~
Okay that went a little more romantic than I intended but I do envision Dream pulling a Hannibal and pushing Tommy deeper and deeper into darkness just to see if the boy will come out of it a new person, perfect in Dream's vision.
Or if he'll drown.
But without the stabbing in the end or whatever, I didn't actually watch Hannibal.
2 notes · View notes