#it is largely arbitrary and changes over time

[deluxewhump]

Fishhook

Adjacent to this piece

CW: accidental hand injury, nausea and dizziness response (vasovagal syncope I suppose), wound tending, max + lo talk about pet whump universe and their relationship to each other in it

@distinctlywhumpthing -you requested some lines on this :))

The fishhook caught Carlo’s hand like a surgical tool and buried itself to its glinting base in no more than a second.

Adrenaline almost made him try to pull it out, but he hesitated. Instinct told him it was in too deep, the hook too curved. It took a moment of staring down at it to even believe what he’d just done. How had he allowed such a careless thing to happen? He wished to return to the previous minute and pay attention. That was Max’s oft repeated advice when they were out traipsing the woods: just pay attention. He glanced at his new keeper, fishing in the sunshine twenty yards away and oblivious to Carlo’s mistake.

It was the same hand he’d broken his finger on. It seemed like another lifetime he’d gone onto his master’s back porch cradling it, unsure what to do. Erik had helped him, hadn’t even faulted him for provoking Keith. He remembered sleeping for a long time in a pleasant medicated daze, his finger in a splint and throbbing mildly. Being unable to bring this new mistake to Erik for help wrung him breathless with homesickness. The adrenaline flagged from the first time since he’d realized what he’d done, and in its absence he finally felt the pain.

“Max?” he croaked, and coughed to clear his throat. He wished again he could just pull it out himself, but didn’t dare.

“Max!” he called, louder this time. Starlings sang in the autumn trees above their heads, and where their branches broke was a strip of blue sky like a mirror of the river. Upstream, Max turned to him.

“I…” it was too stupid to say out loud. His voice shook. After he trailed off, Max put it together by the way he was holding his injured hand, or the thin line of blood making its way slowly to his wrist. Either way, he set down his fishing rod. Even with his eyes dropped back to his hand, Carlo heard the urgency in Max’s approach from his boots on the rocky riverbed.

“It’s okay,” were the first words out of his mouth— spoken so surely, like a man who had seen a dozen fish hooks in hands just this week. He touched the sides of Carlo’s arms. “It’s okay. Can I see?”

He lifted his hand between them. Max hissed in sympathy. “Really got that in there, huh?”

As he took hold of his wrist to better inspect the accident, Carlo became aware of a rising dizziness that had gripped him some moments ago, only now becoming severe enough to warrant his attention. He took a deep inhale through his nose to try to gain control of it. His face felt impossibly hot. Max’s eyes lifted from his hand to meet his.

“Sit down.” He guided down him to the rocks. “Don’t look at it. Look at the opposite shore over there. Take another deep breath. You’re gonna be fine. How’s the pain?”

“Not bad. It’s just really… weird that there’s a hook in my hand.”

Max knelt down to his level and took his hand again to inspect. “I know. It’s enough to make anyone a little squeamish. Don’t look— that’ll make it worse. Keep looking over at the other side of the river. I’ve got you.”

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying enough attention. It’s so stupid. I didn’t—”

“Shh,” Max hushed, busy cutting the still-attached fishing line with his knife without tugging on the hook. If he hadn’t already been lightheaded, Carlo thought the gentle shushing he’d just been given would’ve done it alone.

He was more than happy to keep quiet. Opening his mouth made him nauseated, if his new keeper wasn’t the type to ask how he could be so fucking stupid, he wasn’t going to address it either.

“It might be in the meat of your thumb here,” Max said. “That’s just the hook doing its job, unfortunately. Hey, don’t look at it. Look at me. You’re gonna be good, we just need to get this removed safely. Maybe take you to a doctor.”

Carlo recalled the opening lines of a poem from some dusty anthology in his old home with perfect clarity, clearer than the red trees or blue sky. What a thrill— My thumb instead of an onion. The top quite gone.

“Can you just do it? With your knife?”

Max blinked at him. The river was on their left, and for a moment Carlo thought maybe he hadn’t heard him over the sound of the water running over the rocks in the shallows.

“No,” he said after a strange beat of silence, looking back down at his task. He’d heard perfectly fine. “Hands are delicate, I don’t need to be digging around near tendons. You want to be able to use it after, right?”

That last was meant to be lighthearted, but Carlo caught the moment of disbelief on Max’s face when he’d asked him to do it himself. The request translated to an unmistakable display of trust.

Now that he knew Max had heard his plea for what it was, he was embarrassed for showing his cards like that. Like an animal bearing its neck.

“I don’t want to go to an emergency room,” he said quietly. A fact, not a request. He had plenty of practice in quietly exerting his own wishes without sounding demanding, spoiled, or insolent. Keith picked up on any of those attitudes immediately, and he always paid for it. Erik had more patience for it, on account of the affection he had for him. He might be annoyed by perceived insolence one day and mildly amused by it the next. Of course, Keith would’ve punished him for this kind of mistake by squeezing his hand with the hook in it, or letting the men yank him around with a line attached to it as a joke on their break.

“Mr Holstrom always had a doctor visit me at the house.”

Max was still studying the angle of the hook. He made as if to touch a part of it and hesitated. “Shit,” he muttered. “I have bait and god-knows-what all over my hands.”

“He always called a doctor to the house…” he continued, concerned that Max didn’t know about the lax protocols of pet treatment in US hospitals. “I can’t go to the regular ER.”

“Anyone can go to the ER,” Max replied, distracted. “I don’t have pet insurance, but they’ll just bill me.”

“No, it’s…” he felt tears of frustration prick the backs of his eyes.

Max lifted his head. “It’s what?” he asked, attentive now.

“It’s not a good place for me.”

He could tell Max was skeptical. Did he really not know the way of the world? Erik said most people don’t realize, or don’t want to. Many of us don’t like to dwell on problems we can’t fix in an hour, he said. It’s not our nature.

“Well, I think I can get this out for you anyway. But it has to stay clean. Don’t touch it. First aid kit is in the truck. Can you walk with me, or do you want me to go get it?”

He insisted he could walk. When they finally got back to the truck, Max insisted on lifting him up to the open tailgate and set his first aid kit beside him. On the side of the dirt access road, he put on a pair of latex gloves before gently probing the eye of the hook. Carlo winced and looked over his left shoulder at the line of birch and pine trees. Visualizing the hook moving under his skin made him feel lightheaded all over again.

“I know it’s going to hurt regardless, but tell me if it’s too much.”

“Okay,” he breathed, and took a deep breath through his nose to keep the dizziness at bay.

“It’s not as deep as I initially thought, it’s just a weird angle.”

He whimpered as Max slowly dragged the straight end of the metal out, along his skin, until the hooked part caught and Carlo flinched.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said in that hushing tone Carlo was beginning to listen for like a key in the door.

One gloved finger held the base of the hook in place as he searched something on his cellphone with the other hand.

“Hang tight. There’s a trick for this, I just can’t remember exactly how it goes.”

Soon he was looping a piece of fishing line around the curve of the hook, right where it went into his skin, like threading a needle.

“I’m going to coax it out at an angle so I don’t cause any more damage. I’ll push on this side and pull the line at the same time, and it will come out the same angle it went in.”

The pain doubled when Max pulled the fishing line, and he could feel a warm trickle of blood oozing from the site. He bit the inside of his cheek, and in a moment felt the sudden, blissful absence of the hook.

Max applied pressure to the bleeding. “Move your thumb for me? Good. Just checking.”

Whatever he put on the wound when he lifted the gauze stung fiercely, but that sort of pain was far preferable to the nauseating feeling of metal moving under his skin.

“Need to keep a close eye on it for infection.”

Carlo watched him place a bandage and tape it down. He liked the sound of Max’s voice, and watching his hands as he worked. Usually this was on something other than him, and Max had rarely stood so close to him for any reason.

“I’m sorry,” Carlo said, just to cover his bases.

“Don’t be. It happens.”

“Thank you. For taking it out.”

Max began packing up the first aid box. “‘Course.”

“We can go back out now…” he offered, still cringing at the thought of derailing the weekend activities.

Max smiled knowingly as he latched the kit shut. “We can also go home.” He took his time choosing his next words, and Carlo’s anxiety doubled with every second that passed in silence. He deserved a reprimand, but it would still sting from someone he’d been trying so hard to please these last few weeks.

“You’re a little too good at being a pet, you know that? You’ve got experience at this. I don’t. You should take advantage of that. I’m like the substitute teacher you can convince there wasn’t any homework.”

Carlo looked away, down at the offending fish hook on the tailgate of the truck. It was wet with his blood.

“I’m teasing, Carlo. I’m sorry. I just mean… you don’t have to try so hard. I know this is all really strange for you, probably even more than it is for me, but you’re doing fine. I’m not gonna make you go sit by the river all day with a hurt hand when home is a half hour away. That’s not.. normal. I know it’s hard, but just… just roll with it, okay? I’ll never try to test you, or trick you. I mean what I say. If I need you to do something or behave a certain way… I’ll just tell you.”

He nodded, both chastised and relieved. “I’m trying,” he said, hoping it sounded more like willingness to collaborate than defensiveness.

“I know.” Max put a brief hand on his knee and Carlo resisted the urge to lean forward and put his forehead on his chest. “I’m just going for clarity between you and me. That’s all. Come on. Careful.” He offered his arm to help him jump down from the tailgate. “Let’s go home.”

[eikotheblue]

How do you *accidentally* make a programming language?

Oh, it's easy! You make a randomizer for a game, because you're doing any% development, you set up the seed file format such that each line of the file defines an event listener for a value change of an uberstate (which is an entry of the game's built-in serialization system for arbitrary data that should persiste when saved).

You do this because it's a fast hack that lets you trigger pickup grants on item finds, since each item find always will correspond with an uberstate change. This works great! You smile happily and move on.

There's a small but dedicated subgroup of users who like using your randomizer as a canvas! They make what are called "plandomizer seeds" ("plandos" for short), which are seed files that have been hand-written specifically to give anyone playing them a specific curated set of experiences, instead of something random. These have a long history in your community, in part because you threw them a few bones when developing your last randomizer, and they are eager to see what they can do in this brave new world.

A thing they pick up on quickly is that there are uberstates for lots more things than just item finds! They can make it so that you find double jump when you break a specific wall, or even when you go into an area for the first time and the big splash text plays. Everyone agrees that this is neat.

It is in large part for the plando authors' sake that you allow multiple line entries for the same uberstate that specify different actions - you have the actions run in order. This was a feature that was hacked into the last randomizer you built later, so you're glad to be supporting it at a lower level. They love it! It lets them put multiple items at individual locations. You smile and move on.

Over time, you add more action types besides just item grants! Printing out messages to your players is a great one for plando authors, and is again a feature you had last time. At some point you add a bunch for interacting with player health and energy, because it'd be easy. An action that teleports the player to a specific place. An action that equips a skill to the player's active skill bar. An action that removes a skill or ability.

Then, you get the brilliant idea that it'd be great if actions could modify uberstates directly. Uberstates control lots of things! What if breaking door 1 caused door 2 to break, so you didn't have to open both up at once? What if breaking door 2 caused door 1 to respawn, and vice versa, so you could only go through 1 at a time? Wouldn't that be wonderful? You test this change in some simple cases, and deploy it without expecting people to do too much with it.

Your plando authors quickly realize that when actions modify uberstates, the changes they make can trigger other actions, as long as there are lines in their files that listen for those. This excites them, and seems basically fine to you, though you do as an afterthought add an optional parameter to your uberstate modification action that can be used to suppress the uberstate change detector, since some cases don't actually want that behavior.

(At some point during all of this, the plando authors start hunting through the base game and cataloging unused uberstates, to be used as arbitrary variables for their nefarious purposes. You weren't expecting that! Rather than making them hunt down and use a bunch of random uberstates for data storage, you sigh and add a bunch of explicitly-unused ones for them to play with instead.)

Then, your most arcane plando magician posts a guide on how to use the existing systems to set up control flow. It leverages the fact that setting an uberstate to a value it already has does not trigger the event listener for that uberstate, so execution can branch based on whether or not a state has been set to a specific value or not!

Filled with a confused mixture of pride and fear, you decide that maybe you should provide some kind of native control flow structure that isn't that? And because you're doing a lot of this development underslept and a bit past your personal Balmer peak, the first idea that you have and implement is conditional stops, which are actions that halt processing of a multiple-action-chain if an uberstate is [less than, equal to, greater than] a given value.

The next day, you realize that your seed specification format now can, while executing an action chain, read from memory, write to memory, branch based on what it finds in memory, and loop. It can simulate a turing machine, using the uberstates as tape. You set out to create a format by which your seed generator could talk to your client mod, and have ended up with a turing complete programming language. You laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

[maybeafrog-blog]

In Defense of Donnie's Gifts

I'm ngl I sorta think the shock collar was still just an odd writing decision but as far as PREMISE:

It CANNOT be a coincidence that this is the first time (and one of VERY few times) that Donnie's soft shell is referenced. Once, when Raph is hesitating to tell Donnie his gifts suck ass, and he uses the soft shell metaphor, and after that with Meat Sweats and his paprika, describing it as not just soft, but delicate. Weird, but he is a cannibal, so. (Side note, Meat Sweats never removed his battle shell? How does he know? Or did he take it off and replace it after the pound of butter? Is he using it to facilitate steaming and tenderness? Is it broken? I feel like it should have something in there that could break him out of the sausage links)

Then in that last little scene- "Forget it. You guys are great the way you are!" - we get the shot of Donnie from behind pre group hug, with his brothers facing the camera. (Idk if I'm making shit up, but I feel like this is a staple for Donnie episodes? It def happens in the Purple Game, maybe Smart Lair.) The framing draws attention to his battle shell. The battle shell even kinda matches the gifts, compared to the rest of their gear and even Donnie's tech, color coded and way more streamlined than stuff like the tech bo.

Donnie's soft shell is an innate, unchangeable part of him, a feature of his species, that he treats as a handicap. Probably MORE unchangeable than the character traits he sees as holding his brothers back, which they do sorta... not mature out of, but refine, rather, over the course of the show. Donnie's shell can't experience a character arc, but he sees it as holding him back. So he FIXES it.

The Mad Dogs don't really have a motivation for beating stuff up besides "Hero Time!!!" at this point. That's why it's so interesting how EARLY this happens, unlike with Mind Meld, he isn't trying to change his brothers to make them better at a task that he actually CARES about. Donnie in particular never gets a super intense moral compass besides stuff that threatens people he already cares about, and he doesn't have any grudges (no Purple Dragons) at this point in the series. Hero Goals are largely devices for him to hang out with his dum dum brothers. I'm not diagnosed or anything but my vibes are certainly... Spectrum-Adjacent, I definitely have trouble with literal thinking and reading people. One thing that happens sometimes is people will be using "task" as "reason to hang," and I will get a lot more fixated on completing said task than I really should, to the point of annoying people. I confuse "Successful Task Completion" with "Successful Social Interaction." It makes me come across as bossy and controlling without realizing it.

So, we got a Donnie who thinks Arbitrary Goals are essential to Hero Bonding, who has been treating his life like an mmorpg - armor upgrades, skill trees, grinding, sometimes fighting through random dungeons to hang out with his bros. He's probably even slightly better at Fighting Stuff than his brothers atp, he isn't dealing with a mystic learning curve and his special interest has been Weapons of Mild Destruction for years already. His brothers want to level up, take harder missions, he tries to get them there with his access to High Level Loot.

Of course, his brothers are all min-maxing, not trying to multiclass their purple ass out of squishy glass cannon town. So, it doesn't go well. Unfortunately, the lesson Donnie learns (besides brotherly affection) is that his brothers don't NEED fixing like he does. Mind Meld and Donnie vs. Witch Town sorta finish this arc out as best as the series can.

Where I would have liked to see this go:

A S2 Donnie's Gifts or Mind Meld style episode (Donnie tries to improve his brothers, to their dismay) where the motivator isn't goal completion, but protectiveness. We see a bit of the fear in Purple Game, a bit of the contingency planning with the escape pods in the movie. Maybe a more upfront "training montage" type scenario, a high tech robo dojo to develop their mad skills, or just a tense moment after a skin of their teeth Genius Built rescue.

The brothers confront Donnie eventually-- not just the passive conflict resolution of Donnie's Gifts. They get mad. Push Donnie to the point he's at in Turtle-Dega Nights. They get a rant about not wanting them to get hurt, of course, but also that he's already done so much to FIX himself, make sure he's not a LIABILITY, why can't they at least try to stay SAFE? The dangers are real now, and as far as Donnie knows he REALLY can't do anything about threats like the Shredder. His tech did nothing the first time. His brothers are the ones with the mystic mojo, and they don't even realize how SERIOUS things could get.

Anyway. Protective Donatello my Beloved. Let my boy go apeshit.

//I REALLY Like the 2003 episode where Leo is hurt and Donnie is fucking PISSED at Usagi. All Donnies should be allowed to enter a feral protective rage, as a treat.

//If anyone knows of any Purple Game Aftermath fics lmk. Like, going home, getting donnie out of the evil gamer chair, guilt, whatever. or just good Purple Dragons being Assholes content.

[yupuffin]

"I'm Not Him:" On Vidyadhara High Elders and Identical Twins

The question of whether Dan Heng and Dan Feng should be regarded as the same individual has been repeated ad nauseam, and, as is customary in fandom, the answer will change depend on who you ask -- that is, on one's interpretation of the text.

Personally, my experiences being raised as an identical twin strongly influence my reading of Dan Heng's character, specifically regarding his relationship to Dan Feng; I've observed numerous similarities between the treatment of this relationship and in societal norms and expectations I faced growing up as a twin.

Twins -- especially identical twins -- are often stereotyped as "copies" of one another, or even as two incomplete halves of a whole; any difference between them is considered an anomaly at best and a personal failing at worst. So well-established are these stereotypes that their enforcement disregards and undermines each twin's identity as a separate individual.

Moreover, the relationship between twins is decided by birthright rather than the individual's volition. Despite ongoing efforts to elevate the importance of chosen relationships relative to those decided by inheritance, society at large still tends to emphasize the latter. This can become problematic when the nature of a relationship takes precedence over how healthy or desirable it is for the involved individuals -- as is often the case with the "mirror image" twin stereotype.

Much like my attitude towards societal standards regarding twins, Dan Heng expresses great disdain towards the nature of his relationship with Dan Feng; the connection is assigned to him for reasons beyond his control, and he therefore resents it. Furthermore, in connection with this resentment, Dan Heng demonstrates deep and long-lasting internal struggles with his personal identity.

Therefore, I believe that a reading of the text that establishes Dan Heng and Dan Feng as two closely related, but completely separate, individuals is the least reductive to Dan Heng's character, and grants him the most sympathy and agency, legitimizing his persistent claim that, of Dan Feng, "I'm not him."

The Twin Experience

As an identical twin raised in a relatively close-minded environment, my upbringing closely aligned with societal standards regarding twin relationships.

When it comes to societal norms, twins are presumed identical effectively by definition, with any factors distinguishing a twin from their sibling considered exceptional. However, this presumption is incredibly damaging to the formation of a twin's personal identity. In reality, twins are indeed two separate individuals, much like any other two people, who are related to each other by no choice of their own; the "mirror image" stereotype applies solely by coincidence of them being born at the same time. Therefore, the expectation that a twin consistently match their sibling is really quite arbitrary and contrived. This expectation assigns artificial value to a twin's ability and/or willingness to conform to their sibling's actions and mannerisms. Subsequently, enforcement of the "mirror image" stereotype directly leads to struggles with self-esteem, self-identification, and self-awareness, as a twin internalizes the expectation that they must always match their sibling.

Growing up, I was rarely, if ever, given the opportunity to make my own choices -- solely by virtue of being a twin. I attended all of the same classes and extracurricular activities as my twin, ate all of the same things, was made to wear the same clothing, was given the same toys and gifts, and was expected to follow the same rules and do the same things at the same time -- regardless of my preferences (which, incidentally, I hardly even learned to recognize, just due to them never even being considered). If my twin earned an achievement or won an award in a contest, I was expected to win an equivalent award, and not doing so was treated as a personal failure, and would result in persistent questioning about why I hadn't met this expectation, as if I had done so deliberately -- which I only found out, much later in life, was completely arbitrary.

My parents' justification was that conforming to these expectations simply made raising me "easier." Society at large reflected this idea, too -- almost without exception. Indeed, humans favor efficiency; the phenomenon of "desire paths" is reliable evidence for this concept. The "mirror image" stereotype provides preconceived notions by which to judge twins, saving people the mental effort of regarding each twin as a separate person. Paradoxically, twins as a phenomenon are a rare enough statistic that the contrived identity of "twin" is, conversely, considered an exceptional and definitive identity -- as proven by my classmates almost invariably not bothering to learn my name, instead simply calling me "Twin." After all, it was a singular enough descriptor that it was equally as effective as my own name at distinguishing me as an individual -- from others' perspectives, anyway.

As an adolescent, I often wished I'd been born an only child so that I didn't have to face these expectations, and, as an adult -- once I'd gone off to college, miraculously (considering the circumstances), separate from my twin -- I seriously considered lying to people, telling them that I was an only child, to avoid these expectations.

Furthermore, being raised not to question authority compounded my struggles discovering my own identity and recognizing my own wants and needs; I didn't even realize that the freedom to make my own choices was something I was missing. People treated me based on assumptions and stereotypes because it was "easier" for them; this ultimately made my life proportionally more difficult than it would have been otherwise. It wasn't until well into my adulthood that I recognized how severely it damaged my self-esteem to internalize the expectation that I always match my twin, and thereby began the arduous task of unlearning this expectation.

Dan Heng as Dan Feng's "Mirror Image"

Dan Heng's experience as Dan Feng's reincarnation demonstrates substantial parallels to my experience growing up as a twin under the "mirror image" stereotype. In the Ichor of Two Dragons animated short, Dan Feng's specter even addresses Dan Heng as his "mirror image."

Much like a twin's relationship to their sibling, Dan Heng is born (or hatched, rather) as Dan Feng's reincarnation by coincidence rather than by his own personal choice. And, as a twin internalizes the expectation to match their sibling, the expectation that Dan Heng is identical to Dan Feng crucially shapes his identity.

On the Xianzhou Luofu, the High Elder reincarnation process bears great cultural significance. Dan Heng, while on the Luofu, thereby shoulders the default assumption that he mirror his predecessor, Dan Feng -- who was, incidentally, highly controversial as a political leader, giving these assumptions even deeper and more incriminating ramifications. The singularity of Dan Heng's identity as Dan Feng's reincarnation bears striking resemblance to the singularity of being a twin.

The combined cultural significance of these two factors -- Dan Feng as an individual, and hatching rebirth as a process -- provides Xianzhou Luofu residents with an exceptional, yet reductive, set of assumptions with which to regard Dan Heng. In the primary storyline, Dan Feng's exile carries over to Dan Heng's lifetime, severely hindering his ability to travel freely on the Luofu alongside his crewmates despite having personally committed no crimes, or even so much as set foot on the ship since the end of his imprisonment. Even after this exile is lifted, in the Wardance arc, Luofu officials consistently refer to Dan Heng not by name, or even by his role as a representative of the Astral Express -- which is arguably the most relevant, given the nature of Jing Yuan's invitation -- but as "the Imbibitor Lunae's reincarnation." These tendencies reflect the contrived expectation that Dan Heng's relationship to Dan Feng take precedence over any other aspect of his identity -- much like a twin's resemblance to their sibling.

As a Nameless...

Contrary to societal expectations, resemblance or bloodline do not make twins the same individual, and the same applies to Dan Heng and Dan Feng.

"Mirror image" stereotypes of twins tempted me to purport myself as an only child, so that others would have ample opportunity to recognize my individuality, rather than disregard it in favor of superficial assumptions. Dan Heng, likewise, resents his connection to Dan Feng, and keeps it secret for as long as he possibly can. While this seems due in no small part to Dan Feng's history as a convicted criminal, he appears begrudging of his connection to Dan Feng regardless, insisting that he has "no interest in commenting on the deeds and sins of Imbibitor Lunae," and would sever the relationship were he given the opportunity.

Indeed, the Xianzhou Luofu arc, and Dan Heng's role as Dan Feng's reincarnation, are certainly crucial to Dan Heng's character, but those alone do not encompass his entire character. As a member of the Astral Express crew, in the absence of Dan Feng's influence, Dan Heng experiences his own life and establishes his identity as an individual, rather than as a "copy" of someone else.

Granted, he initially struggles with this endeavor due to his low self-esteem and difficulty with self-identification. On top of his reluctance to acknowledge his personal history, he tends to diminish, or even disregard, his well-being and personal preferences. He regularly insists that his crewmates not pay too much mind to his safety or comfort, or not prioritize his opinions too far over their own; when asked for his input regarding what should be served for dinner on the Express, he gives the passive response "anything is fine." His diffidence is incongruous with his impressive combat prowess and his eagerness to support and protect his crewmates.

While I couldn't readily find canon evidence indicating causality between Dan Heng's lack of confidence and his relationship to Dan Feng, these two factors existing in tandem do closely mirror my own experience as a twin, in which I am certain they are directly connected.

Similar, but Separate

"Mirror image" stereotypes are based in twins often sharing many superficial similarities. However, the stereotype is reductive in that it erases twins' individuality in favor of simplifying their identities; in order to glean a complete and accurate understanding of each twin as a person, one must observe and contemplate beyond the stereotype. Such introspection is customary when regarding any other person, but on a societal level, when it comes to twins, this is often considered expending additional effort. And, of course, twins have no say in their inheritance nor in pervasive societal norms regarding their treatment.

Similarly, societal norms among the Vidyadhara are based in observable trends; the High Elder reincarnation process is distinct from typical hatching rebirth in that the descendant maintains certain similarities to their predecessor, purportedly including their appearance and personality, and is taught expected to fulfill the same political role. In the mission "The Dragon Returns Home," discussion of Dan Feng selecting Bailu as his successor, as well as Bailu's reluctance to fulfill the role, indicate that this decision is made entirely by the existing High Elder, with no consideration for the successor's individual volition. (Incidentally, Bailu, like Dan Heng, also suffers from a lack of confidence in her own abilities, questioning whether she's truly worthy of inheriting the title of High Elder.)

In both cases, reducing the individual in question to their relationship to another limits, or entirely eliminates, their opportunities to establish their own individual identities, with measurable consequence to their self-esteem and and self-identification.

Conversely, as an adult, I notice marked improvements in my self-esteem and sense of identity the more deliberately I separate myself from the twin and the expectation that we always match.

Dan Heng's role as a Nameless not only distinguishes and separates him from Dan Feng, but also demonstrates how freedom from the "mirror image" stereotype allows him to forge his own identity and bolster his self-confidence. In addition to all of his experiences trailblazing alongside his crewmates, this is most readily demonstrated in the iconic scene following the incident in the Shackling Prison: when confronting Taoran, Dan Heng asserts that, as a Nameless who leads a life distinct from that of Dan Feng, he has severed his connection to the Xianzhou Alliance, and is therefore exempt from the decree against harming other Vidyadhara on sacred ground. (And then, to prove his point, proceeds to impale Taoran on his spear.)

Considering all of the above evidence, I personally believe that calling Dan Heng and Dan Feng "one and the same" as individuals is both reductive and inaccurate. Granted, some of the exact circumstances surrounding Dan Feng's hatching rebirth remain up for debate, and he and Dan Heng do share a number of striking similarities, as is typical with the High Elder's hatching rebirth. However, careful consideration of Dan Heng's character demonstrates that, as a member of the Astral Express crew, he leads a life separate and distinct from that of Dan Feng. Indeed, Dan Heng argues as such by his own assertion; to assign him deeper connection to Dan Feng beyond his superficial "mirror image" runs counter to some of his core traits and values as a character -- much in the same way that regarding twins solely by stereotypes and societal norms of their siblinghood robs them of their individuality and complexity. As someone whose self-esteem and self-identity were severely adversely impacted by perpetuation of these stereotypes, and is only just beginning to overcome these obstacles as an adult, I hope that momentarily disregarding Dan Heng's connection to Dan Feng and allowing him to exist as a separate individual will afford a more complete and sympathetic reading of his character within the narrative of Honkai: Star Rail.

[dark-audit]

Things I wish more writers understood about PTSD

Traumatic events don't always lead to PTSD. Two people can experience the exact same traumatic event, and one can go to work the next day shaken up but otherwise alright, while the other still has trouble functioning normally two years down the line. This is a fact that's been studied to death in psychology, but we're still no closer to figuring out why this discrepancy exists. So no, that character who experienced a very traumatic event and wasn't traumatized to your liking wasn't actually 'unrealistic'; they just didn't live up to your preconception of how trauma is supposed to effect people.

There is no flaw or 'weakness' in a person's temprament or personality construction that will make them more likely to develop PTSD, and likewise, people who don't develop PTSD are not inherently 'tougher'. PTSD is not the kind of illness you can blame on the person who suffers from it; human beings are more complicated than that. Furthermore, people who don't develop PTSD from a traumatic event exist, in fact they're very common, and while they don't develop that precise, largely arbitrary set of symptoms, they are still likely to be deeply affected by the event/s. Their experiences are no less real than those of their counterparts.

Sometimes, a person who experienced a traumatic even didn't develop PTSD afterwards - because they already had it. There are lots of people who go into therapy following a traumatic event only to discover they've been experiencing the symptoms of PTSD for years, following a previous unrelated traumatic event. This is especially common for people who had C-PTSD beforehand. Since PTSD can often manifest in very subtle ways, and since people are likely to 'mask' symptoms as a way to keep judgement or prying at bay, this scenario is not particularly uncommon.

PTSD doesn't always develop immediately following the traumatic event. PTSD can take any amount of time to develop. For most people, it takes around 3 months for symptoms to appear, but for a lot of people, the symptoms of PTSD do not appear for many months, even years after the event/s. This usually has something to do with the memory issues that can arise after trauma, and also might be affected by how a person conceptualizes the 'threat level' over time.

People with PTSD are not 'broken'; people with PTSD can be treated. Human beings aren't inanimate objects; we're living beings, graced with this incredible ability to adapt, grow and change. While there is no 'cure' for PTSD, there are loads of types of psychotherapy and medications that help to alleviate symptoms, and many people with this disorder are able to live fulfilling lives despite the diagnosis. Recovery is never out of the question, no matter how severe a person's symptoms might be. PTSD or not, I for one have yet to encounter anyone I would ever consider irrevocably 'broken'.

People with PTSD don't all experience the same symptoms. I feel like it needs to be said, because there is a bit of a 'type' in fiction, isn't there? And this can be incredibly disheartening to read for someone whose PTSD doesn't align with the way it is constantly shown to 'normally' manifest. In reality, PTSD is a very complex disorder, which might express itself in a wide breadth of different ways, and people handle their symptoms using a wide breadth of different methods. You'd be hard pressed to find two people who are completely alike in this regard.

Perpetrators of violence are just as likely to develop PTSD as their victims. This is one of those things I learned though my torture research escapades, and I've found it applies to other violent crimes as well, such as violent assault and murder. It's not a particularly nice fact to know if you want to maintain your straightforward good-vs-evil worldview, but alas, the real world is grim and complicated. There is actually a name for this type of PTSD, and it is Participation-Induced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PI-PTSD), or perpetrator trauma. PTSD does not discriminate, and you're not safe from it just because you're not on the recieving end.

People with PTSD aren't automatically more violent. I don't know why this myth has to be so prominent with every single mental illness ever, but like, yeah, its not true for this one either.

[daggerfall]

So the GM of one of the big PC/NA raiding servers attended the ESO guild summit and wrote down some notes about questions and answers asked there. A lot of them are about potential future features we could see in ESO's future, and also answers to questions some worried players have had, but most of it is about guild stuff. I'll post the text under a read more.

Hey @/everyone, I recently attended a guild summit with ZOS developers where we got a chance to do a Q&A session. I am breaking down some of the keys points from the discussion for us. I will include the stuff I know a lot of us care about first. This is a really exciting time for us to have some feedback/suggestion for the future of ESO. ZOS has been doing a great job of engaging the community and we can expect more from them in the future. For instance, this guild summit will likely become yearly or biannual. About the questions - I missed some, there’s some interpretation, and comments from me included. I want to keep you guys in the loop on what is going on and how we as a guild are involved. A lot of this stuff is things they are considering doing or testing feasibility on. It doesn’t mean it will 100% happen.

Isiimode and I had a very similar question about the next trial drop. They answered the question by saying watch the global reveal. They said they don’t see a lot of the content drops changing. My interpretation of this was mainly that we can still expect a yearly trial and it might not drop exactly on the day that it used to drop on. They want more flexibility in releases and instead of large drops with a drought they would like to drop engaging content as its ready to keep players more engaged over the year. April 10th will be revealing the new trial/content. I think(?) there will be a new trial like normally scheduled just by interpreting Rich’s comments.

It looks like ZOS is going to be working on guild management tools for us in the future. Guildhalls seem unlikely but maybe if we can do them with limited capacity. They are looking into guild halls more. They are going to try to make it so multiple people can manage a guild home from a guild like an officer permission. This last sentence is my interpretation but based on Rich’s answer it seems like someone still have to own it and this is hard to do.

They are working on guild traders and adjusting how they work. Number of listing was really high and this was hard on the servers. They want people to still be able to sell stuff and understand this changed a lot for trading guilds.

They are thinking of more mechanical ways to make guilds useful. They understand that the only reason for joining a guild is really a guild trader. Otherwise discord is the best place for things to happen. No real specifics on this yet.

Limits on guild capacity and other limit items are there to reduce server load. When they started enforcing the mail limit it turned their mail server from terabytes of data to gigabytes. They are trying to minimize the workload on the servers with some of the choices they are making. They referenced guild history, and even Cyrodil changes. Ideally reducing server load overall should help with performance.

Five guild is somewhat arbitrary but it cant be higher because it is a lot of server load to manage five guilds for everyone. Think about how the server has to be pinged every time someone logs on and off or deposits something in the bank. They might consider reducing the number of people in a guild so you can have more but i dont think this is a good idea. They are going to add a guild search function if possible.

They are going to add a guild communication system if possible. It might not look like in-game mail. It could be a calendar or some other functionality.

They are going to explore adding API for guild bank/roster stuff for addon developers to introduce addons. (I didnt really understand this question)

They are going to consider working on a companion app to allow people look at achievements and other account statistics and have already done this in the past but they always blow up the server and make performance tank.

Servers are expensive and getting aussie or other servers seems unlikely. They are already supporting some servers that aren't really active so it’s hard to add more that might not be active.

Some leaderboard changes might be coming in the future. Ultimately, score is the best metrics to base leaderboards on. It includes vit, speed, and HM so it is all encompassing.

What would console addons look like? Very hard to answer. Strict memory limits make it very hard. On PC memory isnt really the limiting issue so its hard to say what console addon developers will be able to use. Codes combat and lazy writ crafter will likely go to console.

People want lore about the players to be included in the game more.

Do the devs play the game? The team plays the game a lot but not everyone plays the game the same. Rich likes the solo content and does that more. Other developers like world bosses, cyrodil, and trading. Its really hard to make content that every single person will love. That being said the devs do play the game and just see different issues than we might see. These summits are way for us to bring our issues forward.

How many people dont interact with guilds? A lot of players play this game like a traditional eso game but might join a guild for a trader or something. They are thinking of new ways to include the community in the functionalities that they have created. It seems like a lot people find playing with people scary.

ZOS love RP community and they like giving them opportunities to RP. A lot of story development includes ways for people to RP.

There is some consideration for integrating EU console servers.

Increasing limits on furnishing in player homes is something they are thinking about but might be hard to do.

They dont want guild homes to replace going to a major city. They want people to have reasons to go to these areas. No one stop shops!

A lot of the cyrodil related development right now is solely on the performance and the champion campaigin/system(?). No other changes will likely be made in the short term.

Will the game be around in 5 years? The best way to answer this is look at development patterns. New cyrodil stuff is an indication that ZOS is going to continue to support the game. ZOS is committed to the game and will continue to commit to the game.

Update the guild tabards to look more modern. Guild specific decorations would be fun and cool.

[grison-in-space]

Summoning up the image brings up so many ironies, paradoxes, annoyances, and other difficulties I almost run out of words to express all the concepts. I can see myself waving my arm across the edge saying I am making damn sure I get into Syria, too, despite the fact that my feet are standing on a Turkish military base, and I’m asking if my hand would pat a saluki rather than a tazi if one were to offer itself. To abandon all comic ironies, the saluki/tazi line is an utterly arbitrary linguistic line between Turkic and Arabic, tazi being the Turkic word, and no more than that. Persians, for the record, also use the Turkic form, as does everyone to the east to Mongolia and Siberia. There is no difference between the so-called breeds.

[...]

For instance, the Russians have had as many as seven breeds of Asian sighthounds. These include salukis, tazis, bakhmuhls, aboriginal Afghans, kalagh tazis, Afghan hounds, and taigans. I’ve said it before, and I will again: every one of these is basically a coat type with perhaps some associated structure, and you can find every one in a single litter in northeastern Afghanistan. I have seen pictures of the litter.

Stephen Bodio, The Hounds of Heaven, 2016.

Reading this book reminds me very strongly of the old @desertwindhounds blog, which was a major influence on my thinking about dogs in my twenties. One of the projects that Jess was working on then was restoring the "patterned" Afghan hound by crossing and back crossing to Saluki: she'd found that crosses created the patterned Afghan coat once worn by early imports: naturally short pasterns, saddle, and clean face, with a shorter overall coat that was much easier to maintain in the desert. Absolutely they would have been in contact. I was very sad when harassment largely drawn from the Saluki breed community drove Jess's blog offline.

I keep thinking about landraces and variation and replicability, not least because I think about how our models of nature impose socially constructed categories that aren't necessarily real... until and unless humans make it so.

(There's also some interesting but rather in-aside description of working Dachshunds here for @wyrddogs , though most of Bodio's heart is still with the tazis. Have you read it? Much of the book is about falconry with dogs, though the hunting bitch Bodio mentions is a wire standard and not one of the little long haired minis that you mention being bred for falconry.)

And of course I wind up thinking about how individual preferences in husbandry create differences in what dogs must adjust to in order to reach adulthood successfully, and how this creates difficulties when strains of dogs that have adapted to life in one context are suddenly lifted into another, very different context, and how that changes the nature of the dogs themselves over time as individuals that fail to adapt are removed from breeding pools.

[mooshlovely]

Nein Again Episode 10

"You're sure he's a god?" Once again Beau clocking plot points that won't come up for many episodes (15)

Caleb is trying so hard to deflect from why he doesn't want to change his outfit and Beau is not having it (25)

Sam was not going to forget about that ring of water walking. Definitely one of the most useful early magic items after the goggles (40)

They spend so much time deciding between arbitrary choices lol (44) its such a dnd vibe

..molly continues to be ineffective in combat (1:12) truly the is the real reason he died. He wasn't over powered enough for the nein lol (I know he gets the hdywtdt but also it was 3pts of damage)

"a caleb bonus action to dry heave" (1:12) he's just having a terrible time isn't he. No wonder he's so depressed for so long. The party doesn't really ever talk about how much caleb seems to hate combat

lol matt hinting that spiders are not insects (1:24)

such loose morals, lets loot the dead bodies (1:27)

wow fjord absolutely no grace for your traumatized friend (1:29)

rescuing someone and immediately interrogating them. they're so fucking nosey (2:45)

Travis' face when he hears about the Mariner's Armor xD (2:50) Also the fact that Liam doesn't notice causes he's too busy paying attention to Matt

It's actually pretty wild how dangerous Matt makes the Gentleman seem only for him to turn out to be a big softy in the end. And you know also Jester's dad (2:57)

ah the first Molly Caleb moment. I know a lot of people like it but it always just made me vaguely uncomfortable. I think its cause Molly is so condescending and holier-than-thou (3:10)

ah yes disguise the spider lol (3:11)

"don't punch him, don't punch him, don't, don't" Fjord has really taken to his job of Beau-wrangler (3:17)

"we lost two in the sewers" god its such a good line (3:18)

There's something so interesting to me about how Caleb prefers 1:1 interactions over the chaos of the large group. Could also be because he doesn't like to make a big deal of doing nice things, potentially because of his low self-image I would guess (3:30) Could also be subtle manipulation so that he can choose who items go to

"I don't trust you yet, I don't trust any of these people yet, except for. No, I don't trust any of you yet" Fucking heartbreaking moment, but also still shows a crazy amount of trust/faith in Fjord to even be that honest and to share as much of his past as he does (3:30)

forearm grab O.O (3:32)

"If the money's good and it's not stupid" (3:47) Yeah, not a bad motto to live by

[fatehbaz]

Whither the man-eater? This entity was once the prime interest of an entire league of famous sportsmen in colonial India, the engrossing content of many books [...]. [T]he man-eater was first constructed, and then dismantled [...]. This erratic rise and fall of the man-eater is descriptive of changing power relations, the ephemeral yet pervasive axis between the colonial and the post-colonial [...].

---

Jim Corbett was a case in point. [Around the time of independence, Corbett authored popular stories of his adventures in colonial India in the preceding decades, including Man-Eaters of Kumaon and The Man-Eating Leopard of Rudraprayag]. [...]

The man-eater was destined [...] to shine in all its ferocity at a certain moment in time and not any other.

Thus, [there is special] context within which specific 'meanings' get associated with animals, at certain times, and at the the hands of select actors [...].

[T]he engulfing realm of the printed word, especially the English book, gave astounding shape and clarity to the idea of a man-eater. [...] The man-eater was never thought of as a sub-species of Panthera tigris in the tables of natural history; rather the man-eater [...] was ‘out of nature’, and thus some kind of an addendum to naturalist understandings. [...] The making of the man-eater into a coherent animal category follows an arduous path. [...] [M]otor cars and other gadgets such as hunting lights had arrived on the scene. [...] [A British officer] who had served in the Central Provinces for quite a while after [1909] [...], commented [..] ‘With modern inventions it would be quite easy to be playing cards in the tent [,] and when the tiger turns up, kill him by pressing a button on a tent wall.’ [His] exasperation was evident [among] [...] [s]portsmen in the 1920s and 1930s [...]. [A] single species splits into undefeatable man-eaters and gentlemanly tigers worthy of observation alone. [...] Amid such lesser sportsmen the man-eater thus became a tactic of power which elevated its [colonial] victor over both the hunters of the past and contemporaries of the present. [...] But it is truly a question if this muzzle-loading gun in the hands of the native [...]. The implication was that sportsmen had a fairer sense of restrictions than the non-sporting classes. With the latter classes gaining political mobility, fears of an 1857-like massacre were also in the air. [...] [B]y the 1930s [...] a host of sportsmen [...] might have preferred to see natives handling a rickety muzzle-loader than an elegant express rifle; the man-eater was intended to remain at large for those ["superior" colonial sportsmen] in possession of the latter. [...]

---

This development of a sportsman into an author can be located within a history of the book. [...] The English novel as a genre [...] began to acquire greater circulation after [...] 1870. [...] [A] book on which the sportsman laboured was like a trophy [...]. For all such ongoing fuss about size [records], a man-eater was more about qualities: cunning, finesse, stealth [...]. If the difficulty of hunting a man-eater was what gave the sportsman a chance to prove the superiority of his skill [...], then this difficulty was the stuff of a story, not a [size] measurement or a mounted trophy. And [...] an aspect of photography. [...] It authenticated the effort of a sportsman and could not be bought of the market [taxidermy trophies available to simply purchase at local shops] except through a book that bore the author’s name. [...]

---

There were dimensions of imagination and power that accompanied this. The idea of a man-eater was such that it helped advance the long held belief that the natives were a hapless lot. [...] Pandian [...] shares how the man-eaters of the colonial period were equated with the ‘arbitrary monarchs’ of a pre-colonial era, which also the British sportsman as a symbol of ‘sovereign might’, would meet on its own grounds. [...] [Consider also] the manner in which the simultaneous depiction of the remaining tigers as ‘large hearted gentlem[e]n’ of the forests (a thing Corbett professed) went to convey the contrary image of a docile, tame and innocent nature that could come to be harmed by natives at the slightest instance.

Protecting the people gave the colonisers power over animals, and protecting animals gave it a power over people.

Notions of animality and criminality intersected at the site of the man-eater.

The entire continuum of man-animal relations was thus canvassed through this tactic, which also the medium of the book in the later colonial periods broadcasted to distant corners of the colony. [...] What perhaps distinguished the man-eater from any ordinary form of game hunting was that it was additionally a form of ‘language-game’. [...] [T]he man-eater was an account in which the ephemeral idea of an ‘India’ glimmered constantly in the background. But it did so largely in English. The man-eater was an English diatribe [...]. The side by side portrayal of the victims of the man-eater as ‘superstitious’, ‘rural’ and ‘ignorant’, only went to establish before the (civilised) readers the proof of an (uncivilised) mass waiting to be salvaged, assimilated or disciplined. [...] [A] mild perusal of Corbett’s My India, published about five years after India’s gaining of Independence, provides ample evidence of the above dynamic. The eventual autonomy of the British administration besides a celebration of the decision making capacities of rural masses (described as ‘real’ Indians) is legend in the pages of this book. The political reality of colonial rule is conflated with a nationalistic pride, which also the sportsman allocates to himself in the describing of his (my?) India. One is left to understand that the man-eater thrived at its best in a colonised India as much as an Indianised colony. As the tension between an emerging nation and an erstwhile colony acquired sharpness in the later colonial periods and a decade thereafter, the narrative of the man-eater came into its own.

The man-eater is thus a veritable creature of timing that shone at its brightest in the 1940s, even if it had been shot down 30 years ago by the likes of Corbett. [...] [Later in the twentieth century, there was a] transformation of the landscape from a designated ‘wasteland’ under colonial administration to a ‘World Heritage Site’ in Independent India. At the peak of such transitions in the 1970s [...], the tiger itself was assuming cosmopolitan proportions and being regarded as a ‘citizen’ by the state. [...] [This was an] emergence of [...] a 'cosmopolitan tiger' [...].

---

All text above by: Varun Sharma. "Rise and Fall of the 'Man-eater': The Changing Science and Technology of a Species (1860-present)". History and Sociology of South Asia Volume 10 (2016), Issue 1. First published online 8 December 2015. At: doi dot org slash 10.1177/2230807515600087 [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Text in the first paragraph of this post is from the article's abstract. Presented here for commentary, teaching, criticism purposes.]

[adobe-outdesign]

Not aure if u have, but have you reviewed the Gnorbu pet yet?

Gnorbus (or Norbs, as I've gotten into the habit of naming them) are super cute, and I'm surprised they're not more popular than they are. They're basically like llamas or alpacas, to the point where their pet day is known as Gnorbu Shearing Day (TNT even swapped out the standard pet image for a shaved version the first time it was celebrated). However, they're incredibly chunky and short compared to either of those animals, so they don't come across as a 1:1 copy or anything. They have some nice use of color to, with a (typically) darker mane and spots and lighter muzzle, toes, and tail.

One thing most people probably already know is that Gnorbus started out as a fake pet called a Lamameeah, which was introduced on April Fool's Day Y7 (2005) along with many other fake pets. However, enough of these fake pets were popular than TNT eventually held a poll to make one of them into a real pet, which the Lamameeah won.

Al of people back used to whine about how they "ruined the Lamameeah" when its design was finalized, which I never understood. All they did was make it look more like a Neopet. For example, in addition to short and chunky proportions, Neopets usually have very large eyes and well-defined faces, and you can see they tweaked that up to be more in-line with other pets for the Gnorbu.

Another thing is color blocking; most Neopets use color to define areas of the design. You can see on the Lamameeah that areas like the white around the eyes and chest or that stripe down the back doesn't help emphasize any part of the design, and were fairly arbitrary additions (though they did keep it from being too solid-colored). With the final design, they gave it a mane and then added some spots on the side to break up the body, along with white on the muzzle. This helps emphasize the design quite a bit and looks a lot better than the original ever did. They also improved a few elements like the shading and the lineart.

Gnorbus basically didn't change with customization at all, though they did screw up the mouth shape slightly (as the lip no longer seems to connect). Also, for some reason some post-conversion Gnorbus have a weird error where they occasionally have an extra piece of hair, but only occasionally—compare the blue Gnorbu above with the green and you'll see the issue.

Favorite Colours:

Toy: Most of the Gnorbu's best colours I've discussed already elsewhere, but as I mentioned in my toy colour review, the toy Gnorbu is delightful. The overall piñata concept is perfect and it's nice and colorful without being too chaotic. My only nitpick is the eye should've had colored lineart so it would match the body better.

Cloud: One of the only good cloud pets, the cloud Gnorbu is super cute, with a lovely pastel blue and a fluffy white cloud and tail. The cloud patterning over the body breaks things up nicely and the darker eyes and ears stand out. No complaints here.

Robot: Even cuter than the base Gnorbu, which is not an easy feat, the robot Gnorbu has lovely bright green accents that are contrasted with its light and dark gray body. Red helps draw emphasis to the face and it has a sawblade tail, and looks good both both pre- and post-customization. What more could you want?

BONUS: The Christmas Gnorbu really isn't anything special all things considered, but I really find myself liking it. The dark greens are a lovely contrast against the white base, and the dropping of a few extra markings lets the mane stick out all the more, which is done up like a Christmas wreath complete with lights and a bow. My only issue with it is that the lights and bow are unfortunately not wearable; if they were, you could remove them and get a killer base out of it.

[madzyzzy]

‼️RAIN WORLD THE WATCHER SPOILERS‼️

Okay I have to rant about watcher lest I explode. No shade on anyone I prommy I just need to word salad this one out.

I was pretty surprised after finishing Watcher and taking a look at reviews, forums, discussions, and seeing a lot of disappointment with the Watcher. I think a lot of people don't realize that they probably wouldn't enjoy rain world in its' original scope. If your hairs are raising at that, know that I say it with complete neutrality. Nobody is better than anybody else for liking Watcher/basegame over downpour, nor for liking downpour over basegame/Watcher. I thoroughly love all three. However, Watcher does not represent some kind of strange departure from RW's design philosophy, in fact it represents a return to tradition, stronger than the base game itself. Downpour was the large departure, focusing closely on character-driven stories and expanding the lore of the physical world. The most potent gameplay moments of downpour were traveling through familiar areas outfitted with new hazards and creatures, sometimes extremely radical changes, but nonetheless each slugcat inhabits the same physical world, traveling forward in time. You had a chance to really map out the world in your head, as well as map out a timeline of the world, both from the slugcat perspective, and the Ancient-Iterator perspective. The Watcher is completely the opposite, attempting to (in my opinion) emulate that feeling of a first survivor/monk playthrough with no prior knowledge of rain world. The portal connections are utterly nonsensical and arbitrary, and with such a large number of regions and the introduction of random warps, its nearly impossible to keep track of the precise paths through various different regions. The player is constantly made to feel explicitly unfamiliar in place and in time, even after exploring a region by way of the random nature of portals (and even after thorough exploration, regions are again confounded by the later spreading of rot through portals, unfamilarising the player again!). Playing downpour, I couldn't help but feel like I was watching a slugcat's journey from the top down. Playing the Watcher feels like you truly are the terrible, tiny, terrified slugcat flung into the depths of a sprawling cosmos you couldn't hope to understand. I did feel confused, lost, disoriented, frustrated; I explored tens of rooms, several warps deep, only to unceremoniously die anyway, and I loved that feeling. That feeling is built into the DNA of Watcher, and if portals were replaced with karma gates; if echoes were marked on maps; if the world map wasn't a comically confusing 3D sacred geometry; if the game were more comprehensible and more accommodating, then I cannot help but feel that The Watcher would be less. At once, I also believe that accessibility options can be nothing but good, and nobody should feel bad for using them if it makes their experience more enjoyable (like the echoes on map mod, or anything else which would make the game easier). But my point is, people who criticise Watcher for its' obviously intentional design choices are wrong for treating them like they're some kind of developer oversight, and not the whole point, the very foundation of Rain World.

[demilypyro]

There is ONE good transfem manga I think I can say. "Love me for what I am". It's got 2 binary transfem main characters, one who's out from the beginning and one who figures herself out super early on, and the big main two characters are a fem expressing AMAB nonbinary person and their boyfriend, but it's largely about the whole crew of the cafe the characters are the staff at. It's got a lot about using the main male lead to deconstruct the process of slowly becoming part of gay and trans community, realizing the arbitrary nature of things you saw as immutable about yourself and others, and realizing where you fit into all that. And a lot about how labels change over time either because one was a "safe" but unfitting intermediary, or from more thoroughly examining your own feelings in a new kind of relationship. Plus the main male lead's big sibling feeling bliss at finally getting recognized "big sister" is worth it on it's own

While I like this series alright, I wouldn't call it relatable to me as a trans woman, so no, I don't really count it. While the thoughts and feelings of the nonbinary and cis leads are explored, as well as a cis lesbian character, the experiences of the two trans women in the story are largely left off-screen. I really yearn for a story that explores the experiences of trans women in the same way, but I'm afraid that's not what this is.

[27dragons]

Countdown to 2025: Dec 31

Modern Paranormal AU / Dreamling / Countdown

[This is also sort of a college AU because it’s vaguely set in the same ‘verse as The High was Worth the Pain - if you haven’t read it, just know that Dream is an actual Nightmare and Hob is a werewolf.]

~~~

Never was Hob’s canine nature more apparent than when he was hovering just at the edge of Dream’s line of sight, waiting excitedly and impatiently for Dream’s reaction to whatever he’d just said or done.

“A New Year’s Eve party,” Dream repeated carefully. “Hob, you know I don’t do well with large crowds.”

“A small, intimate gathering only,” Hob promised, practically bouncing on his toes like a small child begging for sweets. “We can watch the big crowds on the telly. I just think it’d be fun to do a real countdown together. Kiss at midnight, all that.”

“You know nothing actually changes at the stroke of midnight, right?” Dream pointed out. “The Earth turns on its axis the same as ever. It’s not even astronomically interesting, like a solstice. Or seasonally interesting like the beginning of spring. It’s just the beginning of a completely arbitrary system of dividing time into units.”

“Which means it’s very low-stakes, making it the perfect time for a party,” Hob said. Then he turned on the puppy eyes. “Come on, Dream, just for an hour? You owe me.”

Dream did, in fact, owe Hob at least an hour of discomfort. He had categorically refused to go home for winter break, and Hob had elected to stay with him so he wouldn’t be alone when Dream had turned down Hob’s initial offer to spend the holidays with Hob’s enormous and over-friendly pack.

And not only had Hob gone without the comfort of kin, which was important to werewolves, but he’d fed Dream several times over the break, enduring the terrifying nightmares that Dream needed to live.

But they’d been dating for almost three years now -- they’d be graduating soon -- and Hob had never before suggested that Dream owed him for his boundless generosity and thoughtfulness.

Which meant that for reasons Dream did not comprehend, this was very important to Hob.

Dream sighed. “Very well,” he conceded. “Just until midnight, and then we’ll come straight home.”

Hob whooped and picked Dream up, spinning them around. “Yes!”

Dream tried to pretend like he wasn’t, once again, completely charmed by his partner.

~~~

As promised, the party was relatively small -- if only because most of their friends were students who had gone home for the break.

But the ones who had stayed had gathered together for the evening at someone’s apartment, and by the time Hob and Dream arrived at a quarter past eleven, the festivities were in full swing, including loud music, quite a lot of drinking, dancing, and a cluster of people around a video game system swearing colorfully while onlookers cheered and jeered.

They had long since worked out a system for operating in groups: Hob would make the rounds, talking and joking and generally being social, and Dream would lurk at Hob’s elbow, answering the occasional direct question and smiling when everyone else was laughing. This generally kept him from seeming unfriendly (even if he had been as extroverted as Hob, most beings found Nightmares unsettling to be around), and it had the side benefit of letting those on the prowl know that both Hob and Dream were spoken for, while still leaving the bulk of the socialization to Hob, who was much better at it.

Only an hour, Dream reminded himself, bracing, and looped his arm through Hob’s.

He managed to avoid checking the time on his phone more than every five minutes or so, and eventually let himself be mesmerized by the twinkling Christmas lights that were strung around the room.

A few minutes before midnight, Hob steered them out onto the narrow balcony. It was freezing cold out there, but the fresh air was wonderfully welcome. Dream sighed in relief as Hob closed the door and it muffled some of the noise from indoors.

“So hey, new year and all, good time to look to the future, right?” Hob said.

Dream blinked at him. “It is not yet the new year,” he pointed out, as solemnly as he knew how.

At some point, Hob had learned to tell when Dream was trolling him. He shoved Dream gently. “Ass,” he accused. “I just thought, it’s our last year. No idea what we’ll be doing this time next year, you know?”

“I suppose that is true,” Dream admitted. He’d avoided thinking about life after graduation, to be honest. Going to work for his father alongside his elder siblings was his most certain option. It filled him with dread yet also seemed inevitable.

“So I was thinking,” Hob started, and then stalled out. Dream, not knowing what else to do, waited.

Inside, the countdown had started, everyone coming together in a rare moment of singular focus. Ten!

Nine!

“I was thinking,” Hob started again.

Eight!

“That maybe--”

Seven!

“--we could--”

Six!

“--get a place--”

Five!

“--together?”

Four!

Dream stared at Hob. They’d been living together for the last two years, but that was school. Not a life together.

Three!

Hob, with his endless network of pack connections, was practically guaranteed a job of some sort, almost immediately. They might even be willing to help Dream find something. Almost anything would be better than working for Father.

Two!

And he’d be living with Hob. The man he loved. Who loved him back, even when he was a terrifying Nightmare. Perhaps especially when he was a terrifying Nightmare.

One!

“Yes,” Dream breathed. “Yes!” He flung his arms around Hob’s neck and kissed him, just as everyone on the other side of the glass went berserk, cheering and blowing noisemakers and howling.

“Happy New Year, love.”

“Happy New Year,” Dream echoed, and allowed himself to think that it actually might be.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #377

I am up entirely too late, especially since I'm supposed to be up at 7:30 tomorrow morning to go on a plane trip with J. I don't really remember where we're supposed to fly to, but I'm sure there will be yummy food somewhere along the way; I am eager!

I went to the bakery almost as soon as I woke this morning; I wanted to make sure I had access to my schedule on my new phone. To get it set up on a new phone, you have to scan a specific QR code and know your date of hire. The QR code is posted on the wall, but I didn't know my hire date.

(seriously, what even IS time??? if time is a large mammal, why are we passing it through a needle, cell by cell, moment by moment, somehow still alive??? why did it have to be so arbitrary and limiting??? who decided this??? where do they live, and can I punch them???)

We got it settled, no worries. Now I can view my schedule anytime. And to the surprise of absolutely no one (except for myself, apparently), no one at work seems to hate me for having been away for so long.

I picked up honey, molasses, and mint tea, and then returned home.

I made a tea when I got home – a biscuit-flavored tea, sweetened with honey, molasses, and cream. It tastes like one of those Biscoff cookies! Very yummy! I took a video for you and everything!

...Except, before I did all that, I discovered that GoPro cameras have fixed focus; you cannot change it for close-up shots whatsoever. So... first I made a little stand for my phone out of wire and cardboard so that I could take a proper video! And then I made the tea!

...I didn't have time to upload the video, though. I got distracted by a variety of things. One of those things was trying to write something thoughtful and kind to a person on the internet I know (but am definitely not at all close to) who lost a beloved non-human animal companion yesterday. I know there's no words I can say to console such a loss, but at very least, I hope he knows he's not alone.

Another one of those things was going out on a nice walk with J (it was 52 fucking degrees F (11.11 degrees C) in December. DE. CEM. BER. WHAT THE FUCK)! I got lots of lovely pictures for ya along the way:

Sometime after we came home, I worked some more on the music box. I completed the ending. I didn't hate it.

After that, I was able to arrange the patterns I built. Though... ClipChamp kind of mangled the sound a little. There's a sort of... clickyness to it that isn't present when I listen to it on my laptop. It's maybe kinda lame, but... it's a good proof-of-concept...

Maybe I'll try to sing over it later. Or maybe I won't. I'm not sure yet. Either way, I can't do it now; my voice is still recovering from having a cold, so I'm gonna hafta wait.

...And doing this has brought me to now. To writing this letter to you. How delightful!

I am going to go to bed now, though; it's going on 2:00 in the morning. I am going to be a zombified nugget tomorrow, goodness me...

Hey. I love you. Try hard not to do to your sleep schedule what I'm doing to mine, okay? Because you don't want whatever's wrong with me to be wrong with you.

I'll write again tomorrow. Stay safe out there. Please.

Your friend, Lumine

[misfitwashere]

The Big Picture: How we got into this mess, and how we get out of it. 

Capitalism is compatible with democracy only if democracy is the dominant partner. It was dominant from 1933 until 1980. Then hyper-capitalism took over, and finally gave us Trump. 

ROBERT REICH

DEC 27

Friends,

Donald Trump isn’t the cause of what ails America. He’s the consequence. The real causes go back four decades. 

Let me start with a bit of family history. During the 1950s and 1960s, my father, Ed Reich, owned a shop on the main street from which he sold women’s clothing to the wives of factory workers.

This time of year reminds me of his anxious dependence on holiday sales (and in the days after Christmas, the frantic returns). Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, he needed to earn enough to pay the bills and have a sufficient sum to carry us through the first part of the following year.

We weren’t rich but never felt poor, and our standard of living rose steadily through the 1950s and 1960s — as factory workers and their spouses did better and better.

This was an era when the income of a single factory worker or schoolteacher or baker or salesman or mechanic was enough to buy a home, have two cars, and raise a family.

FOR THREE DECADES after World War II, America created the largest middle class the world had ever seen. During those years, the earnings of the typical American worker doubled, just as the size of the American economy doubled.

Over the last 40 years, by contrast, the size of the economy has more than doubled again, but the earnings of the typical American have barely budged (adjusted for inflation). Most of the gains have gone to the top. 

In the 1950s and 1960s, the CEOs of large corporations earned an average of about 20 times the pay of their typical worker. Now they rake in over 300 times the pay of an average worker.

In the 1950s and 1960s, the richest 1 percent of Americans took home about 10 percent of the nation’s total income. Today they take home more than the bottom 90 percent put together.

Then, the economy generated hope. Hard work paid off. The living standards of most people improved through their working lives. Their children enjoyed better lives than they had. Most felt that the rules of the economic game were basically fair.

Although many women, Black people, and Latinos were still blocked from getting a fair share of the economy’s gains, the nation committed itself to changing this. New laws guaranteed equal opportunity, barred discrimination, promoted affirmative action, and expanded educational opportunity for all.

Today, confidence in the economic system has sharply declined. Its apparent arbitrariness and unfairness have undermined the public’s faith in it. Cynicism abounds. Equal opportunity is no longer high on the nation’s agenda.

As you’ll see in “The Big Picture” video on this page, recent American history can be divided into five periods:

1946-1979, we grew together. Almost everyone gained ground.

1980-2008, the great U-turn. Most economic gains began going to the top.

2008-2010, the financial crisis. The banks were bailed out but millions of Americans lost their jobs, homes, and savings. The experience revealed the gross inequalities of wealth and power that underlay the new economy. This caused widespread disillusionment with the system.

2010-2016, anger at the establishment. Both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump emerged as anti-establishment candidates — although Trump’s anti-establishment persona was fake (and still is). 

2016-2050, the choice between oligarchy and democracy. The 2024 election represented a lurch toward oligarchy, but I believe Trump and his oligarchy will overreach, and we’ll choose a more robust democracy. 

***

WHEN MOST PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING that they and their children have a fair chance to make it, the tacit social contract begins to unravel. And a nation becomes susceptible to demagogues such as Donald Trump peddling the politics of hate. 

Many of the most vocal proponents of the “free market” — including Elon Musk, executives of large corporations and their ubiquitous lawyers and lobbyists, denizens of Wall Street and their political lackeys, and numerous multimillionaires and billionaires — have been actively reorganizing the market for their own benefit.

The consequence has been a market created by those with great wealth for the purpose of further increasing their wealth.

This has resulted in ever-larger upward distributions inside the market, from the middle class, working class, and poor to a wealthy minority at the top. 

Because these distributions occur inside the market, they have largely escaped notice. We tend to debate only downward “redistributions” that occur outside the market, through taxing the rich and transferring some benefits to the poor and working class. 

Musk and Trump want to reduce such redistributions. 

But the hidden upward redistributions inside the market are arguably larger.

This is why it’s so important that those of us who care about social justice speak out and explain what has happened. And why it’s crucial that Democrats focus on reversing the staggering inequalities of this era and getting big money out of politics. 

Otherwise, the only explanation most Americans receive for what has happened comes from Trump authoritarians who falsely blame immigrants, “socialists,” the “deep state,” “woke”ism, Democrats, Black people, women, and other countries. 

And the only agenda most Americans receive for remedying what has occurred is by backing Trump and Musk and their lurch toward fascism. 

My friends, the underlying issue is not the size of government. It’s whom the government is for. The fundamental choice is democracy or oligarchy.

[realjem]

now dear jem why r u so angry this year over your wrapped

You see, beloved mutual, the truth of the matter is that they are pulling shit out of their ass for no reason!

Not the whole thing, for me at least, but it's specifically the sections where it tells you a month and a "phase" you had for that month that's just... wrong to me.

gonna put this under a read-more cause it might get long hold up: (it definitely got Long)

okay. yeah. hi. My top 5 songs/artists were all pretty much in order, i can verify this since i have my spotify connected to Lastfm (tracks your listens/"scrobbles" onto its own website for easily checking what you listen to the most etc etc).

(I almost forgot before this, but I must mention that a few servers I'm in have music bots that scrobble tracks listened through vc. Some of the numbers will not count on Spotify due to this, but most of my time listening was via Spotify. It changes the rankings, but not by much.)

The "Top Songs 2024" playlist is where it starts to fall apart a bit. I set up my Lastfm to show me my tracks in top listening order from Jan. 1st to Oct. 31st (about the time it collects Spotify Wrapped data)

Aaaand... my top 10, everything past the 2nd song, is out of order. I give this some leeway due to the aforementioned vc scrobbles.

(i have to splice together the Spotify screenshots since the tracks are way larger)

You see that large bulk of songs from the same album? Why does it just... not count after the 5th one? The other 4 show up separated by 3 tracks each?????

(bonus lastfm 5-21 for extra comparison)

Actually, I'm noticing now too, EVERY track from the same album has that same 3-song buffer (notice the Halloween IV tracks also being buffered above)... but why? My best guess is so that you can listen to it w/o shuffle and not get bombarded with everything from the same album at once, but I personally feel like it removes the whole point of a "Top 100" playlist, no?

Anyways... onto the "Month Phase" things.

Hey Spotify. I didn't listen to Teddy Hyde on your broken app until July? Did you just cram it in there since it kinda fits the arbitrary aesthetic? For what purpose?

What? What? What? What? It takes me 18 other artists with WAY higher numbers to even get to Da Vinci's Notebook, and that's just for April. There are a myriad of other choices it could have gone for here, but I suppose it just really wanted to play Enormous Penis in my wrapped this year. Great

Okay sure whatever man. My Weirdcore Scratch Indietronica moment. Just ignore the top 3 artists, who are all queer people. Cool. Yeah man.

Just. I dunno. It's rubbing me the wrong way. They never even mention any of the queer artists unless they had to for me. Plus, I've been hearing rumors that they've laid off a bunch of people and let AI generate the whole thing, but take that with some salt as I have no evidence besides a screenshot of a tweet that was sent to me.

All in all, I just feel like it was... incredibly lackluster this year. I think I'm out of things to say by now, but it just sucks so bad. Obviously, alongside the fact that Spotify just sucks as a platform and doesn't pay their users any sort of wage unless they're in the top 1000, but that's a discussion someone else could word way way better than I ever could.