#it is... well mostly uni's fault this thing took so long to finish

[disasterlesbianeldritchhorrors]

took me longer than i expected because uni, but i’ve finished part 3 of that regeneration-except-the-doctor-is-an-extradimensional-insectoid-timesquid-who-literally-moults-off-their-old-body fic! this one’s much less painful than last time, there’s no battles for their companions’ lives or nightmarish political needle-threading, just waking up nice and safe in the tardis with their friends just outside, the walls covered in moulting acid, unit on high alert, everyone on the verge of panic because they exploded into a big ol’ squid... nothing to worry about

today’s deleted scene: there was originally a bit in the doctor’s conversation with sarah jane where she mentioned that when they were flailing through the unit hallways they didn’t seem to know where they were going and they kept bashing into walls and they wouldn’t stop screaming, and it was... honestly about as terrifying as discovering they were secretly an eldritch abomination this whole time. the doctor managed to reassure her through a mix of white lies and sincere thanks, and then they hugged. it didn’t really fit the direction i ended up taking the scene, though - resolved it a bit too neatly - so i cut it. they probably do have a conversation to that effect later in the tardis though

[theimmaterialplace]

holding on | emily prentiss x reader & spencer reid x reader | ch. 3: just the way you are

Chapter Summary: Spencer’s day after.

Contains: mentions of death.

Word Count: 2k

Comments: haha, uni is kicking my ass! sorry for the three weeks it took to post this, this chapter would just not write itself :( also i literally have future chapters finished but i need to get the in between chapters done before that so sorry! a lot may not have happened but spencer is seeing something here. he hasn't been able to come to a conclusion quite yet but he will soon... but will it be before the reader spills? also yeah, this story is filled with headcanons because i can't help myself! :D

i love jj but she gives off overbearing vibes and rn spencer needs some space from everyone that reminds him of emily/will only want to talk about his feelings. little does he know for that first part...

the next chapter is the funeral and after party!!! hope you enjoyed the chapter! lemme know what you think!

masterlist | read on ao3

I would not leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far, mmm

I took the good times, I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are

- Billy Joel, Just The Way You Are

When Spencer enters the room, it reveals relieved coworkers. JJ is the first one to approach him, eyes red and worry evident on her face. She pulls him into a hug as soon as she reaches him.

“Spencer, we were so worried when you left last night,” her whisper might as well be a scolding in his ears but he’ll take it because he never meant to worry his team, not like this. She pulls away and cradles his face gently in her hands.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t realize how bad it would seem to everyone. I… I didn’t want to make anyone worry after everything else.” He closes his eyes, not wanting to see the emotions that will only bring him to his knees.

Derek speaks up then and it’s like he knows. “Well, I’m glad you’re here, kid.” Looking at him, Spencer can tell he hasn’t slept and has cried the whole night through. If he had stayed with them, he likely would look the same. As it is, he barely got a few hours asleep, as haunted as his dreams were.

“Me too.”

His team is in shambles. It’s not just that Emily has gone away and left them, left him, like Gideon or Elle. No, she’s never coming back because she is dead, just like every other cadaver they’ve encountered in their line of work. Statistically speaking, death in their line of work was highly likely and it’s a miracle he’s managed to avoid it for so long.

Perhaps it’s because Emily has always been impressive but he’d never thought she’d be the one to die. If anything, he’d bet himself before anyone else on his team.

His team is talking to one another and Spencer can’t hear anything they’re saying. All their words are blurring into unintelligible words and the only thing he can see are their faces.

Rossi is a slab of stone being chipped at little by little into something unrecognizable. Hotch’s eyes are red and his face is pale and an ever looming cloud of guilt surrounds him. He wonders why; it wasn’t his fault she died. Morgan is much the same but there is an anger in him that he hasn’t seen before.

Morgan’s anger simmers underneath his skin; he’s frustrated that he wasn’t fast enough to save her or to catch Doyle. His sadness has become eclipsed for now but he knows it’s there, buried under the guilt and rage he feels. Perhaps it’s because Garcia takes on the brunt of it, the grief is written all over her face. She’s always worn her emotions on her sleeve and this hasn’t changed. He chooses not to look at her because if he does, he’s not sure he’ll be able to keep it together. Someone so vulnerable makes him want to do the same and he feels vulnerable enough as it is.

JJ is like Hotch, guilt and grief clouds her. She keeps sweeping her hair back and chewing on her cheek, a habit when she doesn’t want to focus on what’s plaguing her.

Their tells are obvious to him and he’s memorized all of them, every little action they’ve done is cataloged in his brain and this is no different. He had already known what they’d be like and what they’d do when he saw them.

He hears Ambassador Prentiss’ voice stutter when she asks why Hotch has called and he wonders if she already knows and wants to hear it before she comes down so she can grieve on her own time. He stays quiet and that’s as good as confirmation for her because her breath hitches and she says she’ll be down in an hour.

Emily never spoke much of her mother but she takes- took after her greatly. They share the same face and hair color. It’s like her mother had asexually produced because he sees no difference between the two; there was no bit of her father in Emily. The only difference between the two are the crow’s feet and smile lines on her mother’s face and he realizes that Emily will grow to her mother’s age because she died too young.

Hotch delivers the news, as expected of his status of Unit Chief, and Ambassador Prentiss is stoic and nods at the news of her only child’s death. She asks for details and Hotch is only able to give her the bare minimum and she only nods and thanks him and the rest of them. She goes up to Morgan and takes his hands into her own and whispers something only for his ears. He stiffens but nods and she goes away with the request that they inform her of their decision of when the funeral is and that she’ll pay for everything.

It’s a bit cold the way she all but announces how she doesn’t want to be included in the planning of her daughter’s funeral but Emily always had described her as cold and distant, loving only in private and when convenient.

The planning process takes up the rest of the afternoon and it passes him by quickly and he knows it’s mostly because he disassociated through most of it. JJ and Hotch shot him with worried glances all day and he just wants to go back to your apartment. He doesn’t want to go to his apartment just yet, not when he'll have to come face to face with the reminders of her in his own apartment.

The funeral is booked three days away and he shoots you a text and you respond a minute later with a simple thumbs up.

He tells the team he’ll be heading out and unsurprisingly JJ speaks up over this.

“Are you sure you want to go back home? I can give you a ride or you can come over. I don’t want you to be alone, Spencer.” Her voice is meant to be soothing in that maternal way she’s learned but it grates at his nerves. He doesn’t need to be babied. He knows she’s just worried about him but Emily’s death has left him exposed in a way that throws him off his rhythm.

“Thanks JJ, but a friend is picking me up. I’ll be staying with her tonight.” The team exchanges looks in a way that is meant to be subtle but Spencer has always had an eye for details so he doesn’t miss it but he doesn’t call it out.

“Oh well, okay, if you’re sure…?” He nods and she acquiesces but says she’ll walk him out. She waits with him outside while he waits for you. You pull up in your car with his favorite Billy Joel song on and he can’t help the tiny grin that spreads on his face.

You look tired but happy to see him and he knows that JJ probably wants to examine you but he really just wants to get out of here and cuts her off before she can say anything and says goodbye to her while getting into your car.

He can smell the aroma of Italian in the backseat and he knows you went to the little restaurant he frequents after a bad case because the food reminds him of when his mother used to order takeout because much like himself, she was a disaster in the kitchen. It made him happy that you remembered.

Billy Joel’s velvet voice is enough to fill the silence. He watches you as you drive, noticing how you tap your fingertips to the beat of the song on the steering wheel and how it’s obvious now that you’re distracting yourself from something. He hadn’t been able to see it before because he was too lost in his own grief but there was something off about your demeanor.

When you finally arrive back at your apartment, he finds it to be cleaner than it was in the morning and set for maximum comfort. Your couch is covered with soft, thick blankets with animals on them, cobijas, you had called them. He’s fairly certain that just means blanket in Spanish. The table that is usually in the middle of your living room is pushed closer to the couch and it’s where you set the food at so he assumes it’s where the two of you will be eating.

Your record player is playing jazz music. A compromise, you had told him one evening, appealing to his classical music needs with it’s long instrumentals and your love of their crooning and smooth voices.

“Hey, Spence, what do we feel like drinking tonight?” Your voice jolts him out of his observations and he looks towards you where you’re peering at the available drinks in your fridge, two ice-filled glasses set on the counter beside you.

“Arnold Palmer?” You hum and grab two pitchers from your fridge and set it out on the counter and he watches as you mix the two together so it’s not separated. You set the two pitchers back into the fridge and bring the two drinks to where he’s sitting, handing him one and placing the other on your coaster.

He watches as you take out the food from the bags and put his own container in front of him along with two pieces of garlic bread and his own fork and napkin.

Once you’re all done, you take a drink from your glass and open your container and take a bite of your usual order. He follows quickly after, knowing from experience how rapidly the food can get cold.

Time passes by and eventually the food gets finished and you’re both left alone with Billie Holiday’s voice filling the silence.

You’re nibbling on the last piece of garlic bread, your eyes focused idly on your bookshelf but more specifically on a collection of Emily Dickinson poems. He files away the fact that he’s seen this specific book somewhere and decides to ask at another time.

Once you finish, you lean your head against his shoulder and wrap your arms around his midsection. He shifts so that you’re in a more comfortable position that lets you rest against him while he’s able to hold onto you as well.

Spencer can’t help but think that you always know what he needs without him needing to say anything. It’s something he hasn’t had since Elle or more accurately, Emily. It’s not even been a month and already, he craves her affection. He misses the impromptu Russian talks and the book sharing and her calming presence. You remind him so much of her. It’s like you've taken on some of her mannerisms. Perhaps it’s projection but he’s noticed for months now how you’ve changed bit by bit into someone similar to Emily.

You must have seen his tell because you look up at him, hand finding his own and squeezing it gently before bringing it to your wrist.

It’s the little things you do that bring him back to reality, no matter how painful it is. He’s not sure where he’d be right now. Most likely with JJ and her family, all the while feeling like a burden. With you, he feels vulnerable in a way he doesn’t mind. He’s known you for years and not once, have you ever made him feel small. It’s always been easy with you and he hopes the same can be said for you about him.

“Stop thinking right now, Spencer. We can do that later, like tomorrow. You need a break right now. I know it’s hard for your big brain to shut down so just focus on my pulse and match your breathing to mine.” Your voice is slightly muffled by his sweater and he can only nod and follow your instructions.

“Thank you.” He says after a while.

“ Always, Spencer.” And like always, you understand.

The words are never said but he’s sure you know it and he knows you feel the same.

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader 

Chapter 4 - Bound by Fate 

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2 , Chapter 3

Summary: You travel to US to meet The Protagonist. There you learn that you have much bigger part to play than expected...

Warnings: None.

Author’s Notes: 4k, ladies and gentlemen! Sorry! Thank you for all the kind words and as usual welcome all the feedback. Enjoy!

When Neil said that he intended to jump on the plane to the US soon he meant it. Friday afternoon you found yourself aboard an 8-hour-long flight to Boston with seats in business class. While going to see the Tenet’s founder in person was bound to be a good excuse for missing the training, you did worry about being behind. As soon as the plane has reached cruising altitude, you took out the notes with serious intent to focus on them. You also wanted to avoid sharing an awkward silence with Neil. But it was not meant to be.

“Are you going to study now?” he asked, peering incredulously over your shoulder. 

“And why shouldn’t I? Got eight hours to spare” you sent him a glare and looked back at the pages.

“Well we could always talk…” he spoke up after a brief silence and you eyed him suspiciously.

That was tempting, you had to admit. You have barely spoken to each other since the day he came back, except for the conversations about the details of the trip. Yet after everything that happened you were grateful for that. But now, with stress about the upcoming meeting rising exponentially and tiredness gnawing at your brain, maybe it was time to change it. Before you could answer, you were interrupted by the smiley stewardess passing through:

“Drinks? Snacks?”

You immediately turned to Neil, glaring at him with a clear message: don’t you dare. But he only smirked at you and answered the flight attendant:

“Vodka tonic and whiskey coke. Thanks” your murderous frown had no effect on him.

You resorted to staring at the little flight map on your screen until the drinks have been served. Once the stewardess has moved along you went back to shooting daggers at Neil:

“What? Are you not a whiskey coke kind of person?” he asked with that innocent smile.

“I am” you admitted, and he grinned in response “But are we even allowed to drink on the job?”

“Technically we’re not on the job. Yet” he took a sip of the drink nonchalantly and you took the liberty to observe him.

Once again he has ditched the suit jacket and wore a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. You had to admit that it did look good on him. His hair was in perfect state of dishevelment and you briefly considered brushing it away from his eyes. But his intense stare stopped any intent you could have had. 

“I never asked how you’re settling in” he spoke after a beat, looking at you with genuine interest.

“Well it’s not your fault I decided to get a whiplash that day” you joked and enjoyed the laugh it prompted “I’m managing. Like I said at the party, it’s difficult to understand and inversion is tricky but it’s so fascinating” the sparks in his eyes urged you to continue “When I finished uni I never thought I could have a chance to work for an organisation like Tenet. The best I wished for was the UK Government” you grimaced at the idea “Still no clue what the nuclear fission is though” you added and reached for the drink.

“The offer to help with physics still stands you know” Neil was looking at you with a gleam in his eye.

“And I’ll surely consider it” you winked, feeling glad you’ve ditched those notes.

“What’s your favourite part of the training?” he has turned in his seat so that he was facing you.

“Probably guns”

“Good choice” he sent you an impressed smirk.

“Well maybe not the inverted rounds, but all the different types of arms and artillery are fun to play with” you elaborated with a gleeful enthusiasm.

Neil smiled at the sight.

“My sources tell me your good at shooting too” he added after a short break, eyeing you with interest.

“I’m not a rookie” you shrugged “And apparently have a good eye as well” you held his gaze, feeling a boost of courage “Maybe one day I’ll show you”

Neil stared back at you with a slight shock on his face. He recovered quick enough to retort:

“Can’t wait” he smirked, and you looked down suddenly aware of what you said.

Can always blame it on the alcohol, you thought while staring at your lap. But before you could overthink it, Neil reached out and tipped your chin so that you met his gaze. He was smiling at you, but this time it was not a cocky grin. He searched your eyes for a short moment, making sure you were fine before dropping away his hand. You stared back puzzled, but before you could think about it too long, he asked:

“So it’s fair to assume that you don’t hate me for introducing you to this madness?”

“Could never” you laughed, and he grinned back “Even though I must admit I became quite a loner because of it. It’s hard to have friends when you train at a secret spy agency”

“There’s always me” he shrugged.

“I can’t say I know you” you replied truthfully and took a moment to stare at his face.

He nodded, accepting your statement and then smirked. You watched, wide-eyed, as he undid the top button on his shirt and leaned into the seat. If he noticed your silent panic, he did not show it.

“What do you want to know?” there was something almost challenging in his gaze.

You took a moment to recover before thinking hard about what to ask. You knew that this was potentially a one-off chance to learn something about him.

“How long have you been doing this?” you gestured vaguely.

Neil frowned, thinking hard and you focused on the face he made.

“Four years, I think” he ruffled his hair again “Thinking in linear terms is difficult after all those inversions” he added with a little smile “I’ve been recruited by the TP while still at my old job”

“What were you doing before?” 

“I’ve been in the Navy” you stared at him surprised “Turns out they are willing to take in lost Physics students”.

He noticed your dazed look and grinned:

“What? You thought I was an ex-MI6 agent or something?” he cocked his eyebrow. 

“Well you could definitely be a James Bond” you muttered and ignored the smug smile you got in return.

“I met TP one day while on the field mission in Asia and we cooperated very well so at the end he asked me to join Tenet. Naturally I said yes” he explained, and you nodded “You don’t turn away an offer like that. You know that best” you exchanged a smile “Has that satisfied your curiosity?” he finished the drink and turned to look at you expectantly.

“A bit” you admitted.

Before you could say anything more you yawned widely and then looked at Neil sheepishly.

“Shit, sorry. Swear am not that tired” 

He laughed, looking at you softly:

“Maybe my life story was that boring”

“Certainly not” another yawn and you covered your face with your hands.

“You can sleep, we still have six hours to go” he reassured you.

You felt very tired. All those hours of training and the stress made you feel worn out. So you decided to give in, letting your head lean on the headrest and reclined the back of the seat. 

“Wake me up for food” you joked and closed your eyes, feeling Neil chuckle next to you.

Slowly you felt yourself drift off to sleep, hoping your dreams won’t make you regret the decision when you wake up.

*** First thing you noticed after waking up was that you no longer had the leather head rest acting as your pillow. Instead it was something warmer and firmer. You could smell intense cologne and that revelation made your eyes widen. Somehow in the sleep you have moved so that your head was resting on Neil’s shoulder. And judging by his small smirk he was fully aware of that and did nothing. Quickly you straightened and looked at him shyly. He grinned and said:

“Don’t worry, they haven’t served the food yet”

“Great” you felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

You opened the notes again and forced your brain to focus on the nuclear fission. You felt Neil’s gaze on you and fought hard to ignore it.  

God, this is going to be a long journey…

*** You managed to avoid further humiliation by focusing on studying during the rest of the flight. Neil has even contributed with a couple of explanations. Hearing him talk about the atoms and electrons with passion made you want to ask him about the topic again. 

Once you landed in Boston, he practically dragged you through the customs and the arrivals hall. You stopped outside by the taxi stop and you finally caught your breath:

“We’re getting a taxi?” you looked sceptically at the forming queue.

Neil finished typing a message and glanced at you:

“Do you think we’re on a budget cut?” you laughed at his affronted expression.

“Judging by your suit…” you eyed him quickly “Most certainly not”

“You like my suits?” the hint of the sly grin started to form on his lips.

You were saved from answering by a black Tesla stopping in front of you. Neil opened the door and gestured for you to get in. 

“Got to admit that this organisation has a good taste in cars” you noticed.

“Maybe one day you’ll get one those” Neil winked, and you grinned back.

You watched through the window as the the city sights passed by, curious about Boston. You were headed to the outskirts of the city, judging by the signs on the highway. After a short silence, you asked Neil:

“So… the Protagonist. What is he like?”

“He’s...” he took a moment to think and you observed him with interest “Fun” his face lit up “Charismatic. And very mysterious but not in an intimidating kind of way”

“You’re close with him?”

You liked the happy smile that showed on his face.

“You could say so. When he hired me, Tenet was only starting out and it was mostly us two on the missions” he recollected with fond look “These days he rarely goes into the field but if he does, it’s usually with me”

“A dream team” you grinned, and he chuckled.

Suddenly the car stopped, and you looked through the window at the building exactly in front.

“Welcome to the Tenet Headquarters” Neil grinned at you widely as he opened the door.

You got out of the car and stared at the tall glass building with a large parking area and a tall fence. Following Neil, you showed your ID to the security camera and walked through the sliding door. Interior was very like what you were used to in London, but more modern. As soon as you entered, a tall man in a suit approached you:

“Welcome back Neil!” they exchanged a handshake “And it’s nice to meet you” he turned to you and you accepted his hand “I’m Richard”.

“Y/N” you smiled.

“TP wants to see you now” Richard spoke to Neil “And he’ll talk to you both later during dinner” he explained.

“That’s good news as you can continue that nap” Neil glanced at you and you glared.

“Very funny” you muttered and chose to ignore the curious look Richard gave you both.

“I’ll show you your room now” the agent broke the awkward silence.

“Okay” you moved to follow him with your duffel bag thrown over the shoulder.

As you passed Neil, he swiftly squeezed your hand and then disappeared into on the side corridors. You briefly wondered why that became a goodbye gesture between you.

Not that you did mind.

*** You never got to have that nap. While the room Richard lead you to was very like what you were used to in London, your brain was too hyperactive to let you rest. Every time you shut your eyes, you kept thinking about the upcoming meeting and all the what ifs. Finally you gave up with thirty minutes left till the dinner and got ready. When Neil knocked on your door, you leaped out of the room, fuelled by anxiety.

“Everything alright?” he asked once he saw your wild gaze.

“Yeah, I’m just scared, that’s all” you admitted and looked at him pleadingly “Can we please get going before I change my mind?”

He eyed you carefully, making sure you were indeed ‘okay’ before pointing the direction of TP’s quarters.

“There’s no reason to be scared” Neil said after few minutes of tense silence “He’s probably the nicest person here” he looked at you with a reassuring smile.

“Nicer than you?” you looked at him sceptically.

Being this anxious meant that you no longer cared much about what you said. In this case your voiced thought was awarded with a sly grin from Neil.

“Oh you think I’m nice?” he winked, and you laughed despite the tension.

“I’m not so sure anymore…” you sent him a fake glare.

“You can think about it again after the meeting” he replied and gestured towards the door to your left “Here we are”.

You stared at the door, fighting the fleeing instinct. As though Neil knew you can run away any second, he took your hand in his and knocked on the door. Approximately five seconds later the door opened to reveal a smiling man in a suit. He exchanged a happy grin with Neil and then looked at you with interest. When his eyes darted to your linked hands, you felt your face heat up and was surprised to see him smirk knowingly. Before you could overthink it, TP broke the silence:

“Come on in” he smiled at you.

You had the strange feeling that he was looking at someone he knew very well. You ignored the spike of anxiety, let go of Neil’s hand and followed the Protagonist. His quarters had a separate private bedroom, a briefing room and a living area with a large table, set for dinner. When you all sat down, Tenet’s founder addressed you:

“First of all, I want to say I’m excited to finally meet you” he smiled at you warmly and you beamed back.

“Didn’t know I’m that important” you admitted and was surprised to him amused “But I’m glad I can be here”

“You probably have a lot of questions” you just nodded “But I thought it’s best we eat first. Is that okay?”

“Sure”

Once the food has been served by the cooks from the mess hall, the conversation has changed onto more mundane topics.

“So, what were you doing before Tenet?” the Protagonist asked you.

“I actually finished university not that long ago” you answered “I graduated two years ago and since then only did some part time jobs” 

Neil was looking at you across the table with a surprised expression. You tried to search his face for answers, but he schooled his features before you came to any conclusions. After conversations about your past and how you were getting on with the training, you have all cleared the plates. Neil and the Protagonist exchanged a mysterious look before the second one spoke:

“As you know by now from your training, I have knowledge about things that haven’t happened yet…” he started, almost tentatively.

“You mean that you came from the future? To set up Tenet?” you blurted out and got met with slightly worried looks “Because that’s what everyone says among the recruits” you explained, shrugging.

When you first heard this rumour passed around by the younger agents you did not pay it much attention. But after seeing more of what Tenet was capable of you were not so sure anymore. Looking at Neil and TP right now, you knew that all the stories were true.

“That’s probably a more straightforward way of putting it” the Protagonist joked “I’ve founded Tenet to prevent world ending catastrophes involving the technology of inversion. That’s the part you already know. There’s another reason why the organisation has been founded though”

You stared as he purposefully made a dramatic pause. Glancing at Neil, you noticed that he was studying you with a rather serious expression. You got the feeling that what was about to be said, was not common knowledge.

“In the future there will be an attempt an attempt to reverse the entropy of the whole world” your eyes widened in shock.

Even with your poor grasp of physics it sounded like a catastrophe.

“For this purpose something called The Algorithm will be created and constructed. It’s a formula in a physical form, broken into nine parts so that it is not so easily found and assembled. But now the different parts of it are beginning to resurface in this timeline. Our job is to stop it from being used in the recent future” the Protagonist explained, as though he was repeating a manual for the hob.

You felt the panic rise again. All this information was too much to take in.

“What does it have to do with me?” you asked, unable to wait much longer.

The serious look in Neil’s eyes did not help you either.

“TP thinks you have a part to play in stopping the Algorithm from being used” he explained while looking at you almost apologetically “So he’s sending us on a mission to investigate some intel on one of the parts being a subject of trade in New York”

“But why me?” you frowned.

It didn’t make any sense.

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that” the Protagonist apologised with a sad smile “It wouldn’t do you any good to know this early”

You looked at Neil, hoping to find some answers. But he seemed as lost as you were. You had a feeling that only TP knew the full story and he decided who was to be let in on it.

“You will leave on the mission in two days. Until then you can prepare here, and I’ll brief you both tomorrow” he added, and you could only nod “Finally, the last thing you need to know is that everything that was said today is between us three. Is that alright?”

“Of course” you got up, desperately wanting to get some rest “Neil is the only person I talk to anyway” you shrugged and received a knowing glance from TP again.

What even…

“Sorry, I’m very tired. Is it alright if we come back to it tomorrow?” you asked, suppressing a yawn.

“Yeah sure, you need a rest” TP patted your arm reassuringly “No need to be worried though, you’ll have Neil with you. And I know he’ll take care of you” there was something way too certain in his voice.

You looked at Neil, but he pretended to study a dossier, with tension radiating from his form. You wanted answers but could not even voice the questions.

*** After the meeting finished, you both left TP’s quarters in silence. You were scared and dreamt of nothing but locking yourself away in your room. But Neil had other ideas. As soon as he stepped out into the corridor, he took your hand in his and started leading you with purpose in his stride. You didn’t even protest. At this point you resorted to following him without questions.

He lead you to the staircase and then upstairs, to what was indicated as an evacuation route. You tried to search his face for any clues, but it was pointless. Finally he stopped in front of heavy metal doors at the top of the stairwell and opened it for you. You stepped into an expansive terrace overlooking the city and the neighbouring areas, with the stairs to the helicopter pad. The night has fallen on Boston and the view was illuminated with thousands of lights. You took in the sight with parted lips, not expecting to see anything like that on this dramatic night. Neil was leaning on the railing, looking at you with a small smile:

“Do you show this place to all the girls?” you asked him, while slowly approaching the balustrade.

“What girls?” he looked genuinely confused and you laughed at the face he made.

“Oh you know, like Anna…” you gestured vaguely at the lines of women that were waiting on his every word.

“What? No!” he finally caught on what you were asking and scrunched his face in offence “Anna is cute but she’s not… no”

What was he trying to say? But he turned towards the view and clenched his jaw. You stared at him for a while before resigning to look at the cityscape as well. Every now and then you would steal a glance at Neil, only to see him staring into the darkness. This was not what you were used to from him. When the tense silence dragged on for too long, you decided to act.

“Neil is everything alright?” you stepped closer to him “You’re awfully quiet” you noticed.

He turned his head to look at you with a small smirk that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You miss my voice already?”

“Stop it” impulsively you reached out and touched his hand that was clutching the railing.

He looked up at you with a slight surprise. Now that you made the move, you felt less scared. You gently rubbed a thumb over his hand and tried again:

“What’s wrong? Because if it’s my poor jokes about Anna and stuff, then sorry-”

“No” he cut you off with a smile “It’s not you. It’s just that all this talk about The Algorithm and world ending… it’s a lot sometimes” you nodded “And today when TP told me that you’ve got a role to play in it too…” he inhaled sharply “I…”

You looked at him intrigued and worried at the same time. You were not used to Neil speaking in broken sentences.

“What?” you prodded, letting your hand trace an invisible line up his forearm.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression before relaxing his hold on the balustrade. You were surprised to see that there were goosebumps on his arm where you have touched it.

“I hoped that you won’t have to be involved in this” he sighed “Maybe it’s foolish for someone who’s worked at Tenet for four years, but I wanted you to be safe from all this Algorithm related bullshit” he met your gaze with defeat.

You stared back at him, confused.

“Why?” your voice came out quiet and hoarse.

He shrugged helplessly, with an expression of sadness in his eyes. That alone made you forego any sense of awkwardness or fear. You closed the gap between you, embracing him tightly. After a second of hesitation you felt him return the embrace. He exhaled shakily and you allowed yourself to rest your head in the crook of his neck. Your heart was hammering in your chest, finally catching up with what was happening. Inhaling his scent, you forced yourself to calm down. You felt his hand caress the nape of you neck, making all the thoughts disappear from your head. You were frozen in place for what felt like hours before Neil relaxed his grip and took a step back. You met his gaze with an unspoken question and he just nodded, composing himself. Then he studied your face for a beat, before finally breaking the silence:

“I’m sorry”

You knew he meant everything by that: the news, the plan, his outburst.

“It’s okay” you smiled at him reassuringly and placed you hand on his shoulder “Happens to the best of us” you smoothed his wrinkled shirt collar.

He stared at you with astonishment that made your face heat up. Then he smiled and nodded his head in the direction of the exit from the terrace:

“Want to call it a night?” he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

“Sure” you smiled back and followed him back to the stairwell.

Somehow this night felt important. And not just because of what you learned.

[madmaudlingoes]

Whatever the Winter Did to Us

I was woefully unprepared for @jonmartinweek, so I offer this mash-up of three days of prompts: nightmares / injury / healing & recovery. Title from the poem “Instructions on Not Giving Up” by Ada Limón.

1. 

Jon's not used to normal dreams anymore. 

It's probably a bad thing, that he's forgotten there are alternatives to nightmares. It's a good thing Martin hasn't. A few weeks into the new world, Jon picked over his breakfast as he tried to decode his latest nightmare — "not even sure what the Obamas had to do with it, but the main thing was that I couldn't find the baby, no matter where I looked — that seems like a Spiral thing, the spatial disorientation of it, right? Though I suppose there's also a Lonely aspect —"

Martin, at this point, could not contain his giggles, and had to set down his mug before he snorted tea through his nose. "Jon. Jon. Love. I don't think that's an, an incursion or something. I think it's just a normal, weird dream."

Jon almost protested that he didn't have normal dreams, anymore, but — but he hadn't actually been afraid of anything. Had he? Perhaps that Mrs. Obama would be disappointed in him, but that had been more of a worry than a genuine, gut-curdling fear. 

And the Fears were less powerful, here, than they'd been in the old world. Jon himself was less...less. 

"I suppose it could've been," he muttered, which just sent Martin laughing more. Jon attempted to finish his breakfast with as much dignity as he could manage. 

2.

Which is not to say he doesn't have nightmares anymore. They both do. 

Martin is a heavy sleeper, but even he can't sleep through Jon's thrashing and shouting some nights. Jon is a light sleeper, for all he sleeps a lot these days: when Martin's sleep turns to shivering, sweating nightmares, Jon awakens, and tries to gentle Martin awake as well. 

They're well-acquainted with early-morning telly, the both of them. They don't usually talk about what woke them. 

"Mostly it's … things that went wrong," Jon explained to his therapist, when she asked about nightmares. (Martin insisted on therapy, for both of them, to the extent they can explain themselves.) "Things that could've gone wrong. Times I've been hurt."

"And you don't think it's helpful to share those with your partner?" his therapist asks, tapping notes onto a tablet. 

"I mean, he was there for most of them," Jon says. "It's not news."

"That doesn't mean talking wouldn't be helpful."

Jon sighs. "I don't … Martin is very prone to guilt, and if I bring some of these things up, he'll only fret and persuade himself that it was all somehow his fault, or he should've known something he couldn't possibly have known, or — or something." 

"And you've taken it upon yourself to manage his feelings at the expense of your own."

Jon winces. 

(There is one nightmare that they have in common, and which they do not discuss. Perhaps when the scars on Jon's body are slightly less fresh, they can attend to the ones on their hearts.)

3.

Not all nightmares are the same, though.

Jon is standing in a graveyard, the first graveyard, the eternal graveyard. His memory these days isn't always reliable, but he will always remember this, even with no Naomi Hearne being dragged into an open grave. 

He doesn't walk with a limp here. His hands do not shake. His vision is crystal-clear, and the only fog swirls around his calves instead of gumming up his thoughts. 

He knows why. He knows what's being asked of him. 

The chapel at the center of the graveyard has a massive rose window, far out of proportion with the rest of the structure. A flickering light within the chapel illuminated the stained glass in ever-shifting patterns, changing its appearance like a kaleidoscope from one moment to the next. It is a burning eye. It is an intricate web. It is a black hole, pulling Jon in, promising him strength and safety and freedom from pain, promising him the illicit thrill of endless discovery and infinite knowledge, promising him the kingdoms of the world.

Does he get closer every time? Or does the call get stronger? Jon isn't sure. 

He turns his back to the chapel, either way. 

He wakes up exhausted, every old wound aching, thoughts syrupy and slow. He staggers to the bathroom in search of pain medication and fumbles the packet with his twisted wreck of a right hand; Martin finds him sitting on the floor, and Jon can't even put the words together to explain himself. He just pulls Martin to him, clings to him, and eventually Martin helps him back to bed.

4.

"How do you feel about dogs?" Martin asks. 

They're eating dinner. Rather, Martin has eaten and Jon is still eating; his hands are particularly shaky tonight, so he's taking his time. Martin stays at the table with him, fiddling with his phone a bit, occasionally reading Jon an interesting tidbit. 

"I don't," Jon says. "Feel much, I mean. Either way."

A shadow of a smile crosses Martin's face. "As long as they're not loose in your Archives, right?"

That startles a laugh out of Jon; he hadn't thought of that it years. "All things considered, the dog was probably the most harmless thing in there," he says.

"True." Martin fiddles with his phone some more. "I always wanted a pet, but — well, Mum," (he adds a fluttering hand gesture to signify that complex of emotional baggage,) "and by the time I could afford one, it was nearly the end of the world. Didn't seem fair, you know?"

Jon recognizes this, by now; Martin is winding his way up to something, coming at it sideways because life taught him not to ask outright. "I had a cat in uni," Jon offers, to encourage him. "Well, Georgie and I did. When we broke up, I got to keep the flat but she took the cat."

"Not exactly a fair split, is it?" Martin observed, without indicating who he felt had got the better deal. "I like cats, too. And I suppose they're a bit easier than dogs. Take themselves in and out, and everything."

Jon carefully feeds himself another bite, chews and swallows. "I think we have enough space for a dog. And the exercise might do me good."

"Yeah. Yeah, maybe." Martin grins at him. 

Martin, fortunately, remembers how to dream. 

[cloveroctobers]

YASMIN DOUGLAS—

IG info/Bio: @/imyasmin_d | 11.6k followers | hello & ahlan 🎶

23-24 years old depending on her birthday (I’m thinking too much about timelines since i know some shows aren’t live and if they filmed it prior & it’s just being shown to us now...then there’s the boat party that comes in after, you get what I’m saying right? No? Okay)

Moroccan heritage

she was born in fes along with her baba

Father works in the carpet & rug manufacturing industry and worked in his father’s business from the young age of 16

her mother is from Essaouira & has often stated that she couldn’t stand Yasmin’s father the first time they met but she wouldn’t want to travel through this life with anyone else

Her father and mother came from two different lifestyles. All he knew how to do was hard work yet he had a sarcastic but playful side to him whereas her mom came from a family that was more financially stable & she was free to do whatever! mainly hanging at the beach with her friends without a care in the world, she was privileged and a little uppity while her father’s life seemed to be planned out from the day of his birth

Yet they still fell in love and decided to leave Morocco months after they got married at 21 & 24 & not too long after they had yas they left for England

She was raised in Kent, England

The Atmosphere led to her boho lifestyle...being exposed to castles, gardens, and underground tunnels from time to time shaped her into what she felt she was meant to be. She loved her second home

they call her “yazzy”

Parents follow islam...Which Yasmin respects but is not strongly devoted to

Can speak & write in Arabic but seems to do better in writing

Her paternal grandparents fault her parents for not teaching her to excel at both & feel that if they weren’t in such a rush to leave home she would speak Arabic better

Which made Yasmin feel like shit. Her paternal grandparents were strict on keeping their customs alive whereas her maternal grandparents were carefree as long as they got to see their granddaughter alive & well that was good enough for them

Idk maybe a only child or has a older brother? I don’t feel like she comes from a big family sibling wise

her mother made her a stuffed purple sheep that she took everywhere with her as a kid & continues to keep close to her. Y’all had imaginary friends? Well Yasmin had a real friend she could see & squeeze the life out that didn’t require talking and hugging the air, but that’s fine do u

100% collects beanie babies until this day but lil yamb is the number one princess in her household

As her significant other you have to be okay with lil yamb sleeping in between y’all that’s just the way it is

These stuffed babies are her comfort when no else can be

she’s a singer/songwriter. Went to uni for it & finished a semester early

Went through multiple hell experiences when it came to interning & temping while still in school & after

Let’s just say she wasn’t down to f*ck her way to the top

this made her anxiety act up, these people made her feel like she wouldn’t be good enough to show the world her craft & it’s didn’t have to be the world, just someone who would listen

But she couldn’t give up, there was nothing else she saw herself doing. She knew this is what she was meant to do but she couldn’t lie and say that her insecurities didn’t get the best of her most days

Although the cons seemed to out way the Pros some days, she kept at it & found herself a solid team that knew what she was about and understood her soul

Was definitely the student who loved all her English classes & when she spoke up everyone found it shocking since she preferred to just write everything out rather than “participate in group discussions”

I feel like her singing voice sounds similar to Jessica mauboy’s (if you don’t know who that is & you’re a fan of r&b/pop check her out or if you’re just curious that works too lol)

Knows her music notes like the back of her hand, duh!

Fav color is royal blue, especially on her eyelids & nails

Occasionally sleeps in rollers to keep her hair wavy

Needs her space when it comes to disagreements, they stress her out & she panics a bit when things go wrong so she feels like she needs to leave the situation rather than talk it out right then and there

She’ll talk when she’s ready, she just needs someone that’s a little patient with her that’s all

Words of affirmation is her love language? When she figures out how to balance her love life with her work life that is. When she’s feeling confident she’s smooth with words but when she needs to show you how much you mean to her & she really takes the time to think it out & feel her emotions, she’s writing you a song or you’re the inspiration to it or a poem, leaving you little love notes on blue post-it’s around the house, will write 50 reasons why she loves you on Valentine’s Day, and will say so when it’s just the two of you in your own comfort

Isn’t too crazy about public displays of affection but will deff hold your hand if that’s something you or she wanted in that moment

I think she’s fluid

Hasn’t been in many relationships. Sure she goes on tour every other year and gets to meet many people but they’re not solid relationships, they’re hookups and she hasn’t done many of those either

Had maybe one or two solid relationships: a androgynous woman that uses she/they pronouns & was in a rock band & a cis male she met at a tattoo parlor his step-brother owned (he kinda favored seb but we’re not going to speak on that)

I believe she wants to get married someday but isn’t so keen on the idea of kids. The furthest she’ll go is adopting a couple of animals. She’ll be a pet mom! I feel like she’ll be anxious looking after the life of a human being when it’s extremely hard to do so not only for herself and the love of her life & you want to add kids to the mix?! Fucking hell! but that could change? Who knows what life can throw at u

Has a hedgehog named Sonia that she drops off at her parents for their weekly sleepovers

Loves lace—mostly bralettes & crotchet clothing

I see her as a corduroy girl too. She has at least some rusty brown low-rise corduroy pants or/and a jacket

owns a crotchet kit, she’s bloody good at it too

Loved pink & purple (still likes them, they’re her 2nd & 3rd fav colors) so much as a kid that she tried to dye her hair half & half while her parents went out on their date night...it was also the weekend before school pictures :)

Says she got her inspiration from starfire & raven. She was only 13 at the time & had braces. Her father approved saying she’s a kid and she should be allowed to express herself. He only said that because his own parents barely let him & his brothers have their own fun

Her mother thought it was atrocious and did her best to get it out with the help of her other hair stylists friends (her mother worked in plenty of beauty shops once she got to England, until she decided to convert their basement into her own shop) who she invited over to see what her daughter had done but when you use certain permanent dyes...

It didn’t completely damage yasmin’s hair plus it was just hair, Yasmin didn’t see the big deal. She thought she looked splendid

Anyway, massive fan of ballroom dancing

She’s got a great ear to begin with so it was extremely fun twirling around while wearing pretty ballroom gowns

Took boring etiquette classes as a form of punishment? After the whole teen Titans inspiration thing “went wrong”

Enjoys western films

yes she owns a cowgirl hat & some boots too so sue her, she likes what she likes

Knows how to lasso but hates doing it to animals but she’ll do it to you :) (*gags* lmao why???)

Also loves visiting western towns & learning some history or at least experiencing what it was like

Type of significant other that will do her best to persuade you to stay in a treehouse airbnb, a cabin, the fucking Idaho potato, or camping out in her Volkswagen van in the middle of nowhere!

Has faux cow rugs, wicker baskets, wicker chairs in her flat, hangs some plants in glass jars & bottles all over her house

Her flat is very bright & vibrant: white, mocha brown, tan, yellows, & pastel purple

When it comes to decision making, she’ll make them pretty quick but only if it comes to choosing desserts

nobody is touching her mom’s meskouta orange cake WITH syrup

the dessert eater that always picks the one that has a surprise inside, meaning it has to ooze out with SOMETHING to make it 10x more satisfying

Leaning towards Buddhism, had studied some of their beliefs and found it resonates with her spirit

Fan of neon lights, probably has a few neon signs in her flat preferably on her brick wall in the loo, “to give u comfort as you go!” “that...actually makes sense.” Tai commented as he rubbed his chin coming to terms with yasmin’s reply. While Iona scowls, “no, no it doesn’t. I feel as if it’s an invasion of my bits!” “...Sorry you feel that way.”

tai & ciaran are automatically deemed as her brothers since she came into the villa with them. She had time to connect with them unlike anyone else. It was just the way the stars wrote their story and it showed outside of the villa too. they often crash at her place all the time when they’re in town & vacation all the time together when their schedules line up + it never feels like she’s third wheeling

“TaiTower” & “BB-Ci” are their names in her phone, Tai picked his own name while the “bb” stands for “best buds” for ciaran —which is a joke since he drunkly called himself so + he loves everyone when he’s drunk

You can always count on her to belt the lyrics to a Chaka Khan, TLC, or paula abdul joint when she’s drunk lol

As for the girls? She’s close with miki 😒 they just seem to be on the same wavelength when it comes to the pressure of the media since they have some sort of fame which increased with them being on the Telly. They bond over that & from there they’ve built a solid friendship

She could also be friends with AJ too (if you didn’t get swiped from her that is lmao!) they’re sorta opposites with aj being high energy/active while Yasmin is more mellow & “mysterious” but seem to connect in different ways: their sexual indentities, insecurities/anxieties, having something to be passionate about but at the same time maybe not? She might lean towards elladine or Genevieve if she had to make a choice?

Aquarius sun + cancer moon

so she’s still 23 y’all, I got it! I can’t do math sorry

“Freddie Mercury was probably my dad in my past life.”

Can play the banjo, guitar, & oud

Participates in hot yoga weekly

If she’s not with mc in the end and continues dating around if anyone from season two: LUCAS, Kassam, Gary, Rocco, maybe Blake? I originally thought Elisa but she’s probably too much for yas let’s be honest here lol they’d be better off as friends

Omg I forgot marisol! Imagine that?! Whew!!!

Season three: maybe Lily? But what if? Me being the slightly messy bitch that I am? Something happening with her & AJ. Now that?! Would be some chaotic shit “from the outside looks of it” name the irrelevant person behind the quote...now!

I’d like to see her interact with allerga but there could be something with her & cherry. I’m thinking cherry, Yasmin, & priya would bond well but we’re not here to talk about that

Getting rid of the physical aspect I genuinely think she’d do well with marisol, Lucas, or kassam. They’d mesh well I think in a relationship

She’s a body shimmer girl for sure!

Loves silk or satin robes

she’s a shortie, 5’2 to 5’5

Is learning Spanish

Loves arcade games, come see her in pinball & Pac-Man!

Quarantine life did not change her lifestyle much, but it did slightly mess with her mental health :/

loves the fall time, feels like she can slow down some and really spend time with family and friends

I feel like she has one best friend outside of the villa & that’s good enough for her!

They met their first year in uni & been close ever since

She doesn’t speak to the temporary friends she grew up with anymore & is often confused why they feel the need to keep up with her in the media which added more annoying worries to her heart but whatever right? Keep your eyes on the horizon

celebs she finds/found attractive: Aaliyah—especially when she played in queen of the damned, Kehlani, Zazie Beetz, Fivel & Booboo Stewart, Lakeith stanfield, Leah Lewis, Sofia Carson, Ryan gosling, & Nick Jonas

She listens to: jade bird, Yebba, Elli Ingram, Wafia, Zeina, Summer walker, Tanerèlle, Mariah the scientist, Teyana Taylor, Tove Lo, lady Gaga, Ra Ra Riot, Empire of the sun, & smallpools

Anthem? Diana Gordon — Rollin’

[bbugyu]

my happiness + lee jihoon

even in this maze-like world, jihoon made you feel a little less lost

wc.4563 | fluff, uni/hs au, gender neutral reader, seungcheol is a protective bigbro

my friend ulted jihoon recently, so <3

If there was one way to describe your brother, it was protective. You were always his baby growing up - an annoying little sibling, but he was the only one allowed to beat you up. When your neighbor made you cry when you were six, a ten year old Seungcheol went marching over to him at the park near your apartment complex and kicked over his sand castle. In hindsight, he might have been a bit of a bully, but only when other people hurt you first, and you had always been grateful for it as a child.

Now, though, it scared you. Because you had a boyfriend. And Seungcheol didn’t know.

Seungcheol had gone off to college, getting an education doing what he loved with a ton of friends. He lived in an apartment an hour bus ride away from your family home, where you spent the week in high school. 

On the weekends, though, you had free reign. And most weekends, you took that hour bus ride to spend a couple nights on the couch in his living room. In the beginning, it had been because adjusting to him being gone was hard for you. For the first 18 years of your life, you had spent the evenings playfully fighting with your older brother as your mom yelled for you to sit your asses down and eat. Now, you sat at the table and shoved your food around the plate, feeling like an only child. Seungcheol knew this, and had opened the invitation - whenever you had a hard week, you were welcome, no questions asked. As long as there was a confirmation before you got on the bus, he would happily meet you at the bus stop and buy your favorite ramen and ice cream at the convenience store on the walk back to his place.

Now, though, you went just to hang out. His roommates were fantastic, a group of music-making friends Seungcheol had made in his course, not to mention the rotating cast of friends that would show up unannounced or to work on music. They were somehow just like him, yet simultaneously so different. You felt the same older brother vibe from Jeonghan that you did your actual brother. He took care of you, tossing you a tangerine when you were starting to get hangry, or sneakily adding your favorite songs to the music queue when you were pouting about something you didn't want to talk about. He lounged on the couch with a look on his face that made you wonder if his eyes ever opened fully, yet he noticed everything. Sometimes, when you were mad at Seungcheol for indescribable sibling reasons, Jeonghan would shoot you a message on kakao, and you would jokingly tell him he was better than your real brother. He always scolded you for thinking so, but it was his own fault for being so understanding.

Soonyoung and Seungcheol had the same way of expressing their passion, diving head first and only coming up for air when they were done. You had watched Soonyoung shove the small table in their apartment against the wall so that he could use the giant mirror leaning against the wall to bang out a detail in his choreographies more than once, and you recognized the look on his face as the one Cheol had as he wrote. He made you laugh the most often, always sacrificing his image to commit to a joke. The way he could transform from a striking performer into a grandma at a moments notice was maybe one of your favorite things anyone has ever done, but you refused to give him the ego boost by telling him, even if your uncontrollable laughter gave you away anyways.

And then there was Jihoon.

Jihoon was quiet and thoughtful, like your brother. He seemed to do better assessing the situation completely before inserting his opinion, which was always well considered and well explained. He leaned back in his roller chair, hand on his chin as he listened to the opinions of his room and bandmates, then somehow managed to have a suggestion that solved all their disagreements. He dressed comfortably at all times, but the clothes suited him well. You cursed him for being able to look put together while wearing sweats and sandals, all his platinum blonde hair tucked into a hat. At first, you wondered if he didn’t like you, considering how close you had gotten to the other two, but when you asked Seungcheol what his deal was, he just told you he’s shy around new people. That didn’t stop you from crushing on him. Hard.

More than once, he had looked over at you, catching your starry eyed gaze while he was working on a beat. You would always blush and look away, mortified by being caught practically drooling, but you noticed that when you stole another look, he was blushing too.

Seungcheol always grilled you about the boys at school. He always made you promise that you wouldn’t go on any dates with any of them before getting his approval, and you sighed and agreed, thinking specifically about how he had said “high school boys aren’t worth your time.”

Jihoon had been around for a couple of these conversations, and while he always stayed seated, facing his computer and away from you, you could see his fingers falter over the keyboard, his creative function pausing as he heard you insist to your brother that none of the guys at your school interested you.

One weekend, you were cramming for an exam, seated on the floor and laid out on the table at the apartment. Around 2 in the morning, Seungcheol told you to not stay up too late, told Jihoon that if he kept you up he would end up dead, then retired to his bedroom. You had yawned once in the half hour since then, and Jihoon immediately spun around in his chair, tearing off his headphones.

“I should let you sleep,” he said, saving his files. 

“No, no,” you insisted. “I’m gonna be up for at least another hour, don’t stop working for my sake.”

Jihoon pursed his lips, a habit you had noticed in the time you had known him. He nodded, acknowledging that he trusted your judgement and that he could keep working as he spun around slowly to resume. You watched his profile a moment, noticing the way his eyes scanned his screen while he was frozen, seemingly lost in his own brain versus processing what he was viewing.

“Can I hear what you’re working on?”

He blinked at you hard. “Hah?”

You giggled, trying to keep quiet, knowing his roommates were all asleep. “Can I listen? It might give me strength to keep studying.”

“I-I, uh-” Jihoon stuttered for a moment, clicking around on his screen. “Y-yeah, one second-”

Your lips pursed to hide the creeping smile on your face. Seungcheol had told you ages ago that Jihoon never went on dates. You had slept over at the apartment when Soonyoung had come home late after nights out, or Jeonghan not returning until morning. You had even stayed home a few weekends for the express reason of letting your brother go on dates without worrying about you being at his place alone. Jihoon, though. He was always home, either sleeping or working. You wondered if he even went to class. It was hard to imagine him anywhere but his desk in the living room.

You crawled over to the desk from you spot on the floor, and Jihoon stood up as you got near, gesturing for you to take his seat. As you sat, he handed you his headphones and kneeled, hand on his mouse as you put them on. He looked at you briefly to make sure they were on the right way, then hit the spacebar on his keyboard.

As the beat started, you immediately smiled and let out a small “ooh,” turning to Jihoon as he tried to look anywhere but at you. Your head bobbed as you listened to the cheerful beat. “I love it. What melody are you thinking?”

He cocked his head. “I haven’t gotten that far. Cheol already wrote a few bars, so I made it for that mostly, but I don’t have a hook yet.”

You nodded, humming a quiet accompanying melody absentmindedly.

“Oh,” Jihoon said, suddenly looking at you. “That’s good? That was really good. Hang on.” He paused the playback and grabbed the microphone, and you watched in shock. “Can you do that again?”

“I-I, me?” You gulped. “I’m not a singer, you should do it.”

“You came up with it, how am I supposed to know it?” He asked, clicking around quickly. You leaned back in the seat as his arms reached across you to access the keyboard better. “You should record it, quick, before you lose it.”

You stared at the microphone he put in your hand as he went back in the song to where you ad-libbed, still slightly shocked at the difference in Jihoon’s personality when he started entering producer mode.

“Ready? Just do it naturally. Whatever feels right.”

You looked at him, nodding. The music resumed in your ears, and you sang the melody you had hummed into the microphone with no real lyrics. When you finished what came to you, you pulled the microphone away from you, giggling suddenly. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Why, why?” Jihoon took the mic from you and smiled, after saving the recording. “You sounded good! The Choi siblings are talented.”

“No,” you groaned. “Seungcheol got all the musical talent.”

“Yah,” he furrowed his brow at you. “Are you saying I’m not a good judge?”

You laughed again. “No, no, I’m not!”

“It sounds like you think I don’t know a good voice when I hear it.”

“Stop!”

“Then admit you sounded good!”

You pouted at him, and he laughed. Your frown broke slightly, only to end in you giggling as he looked back at his screen, adjusting a couple things. You wanted to watch what he was doing, but you were lost in his profile. He gave you a sideways glance quickly, then again when he realized you were staring.

“What?”

You shook your head, but didn’t stop looking at him. “Nothing.”

This was the closest you had ever been to Jihoon, sitting in his chair with him beside you, and your heart felt like exploding just by the way he was looking at you.

Then you heard a door.

Jihoon stood suddenly, instinctively clearing his throat and focusing on the screen as you spun in the chair to see Jeonghan emerging from their shared bedroom.

He paused outside of the door, staring at the two of you, processing the scene he had just walked into. “What’s all this?”

You blinked, and Jihoon cleared his throat again.

Jeonghan sighed, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch. “You guys are too obvious.”

“Where are you going?” You asked suddenly, remembering the hour.

He eyed you, knowing what you were thinking. “Nothing like that. My girlfriend just accidentally played Animal Crossing for ten hours straight and has an exam in six hours. I’m taking her to a cafe.”

You nodded slowly, remembering the girl you had met a few weeks before, then wondered what class has an exam at 9 on a Saturday. “Stay safe.”

“I should be saying that to you.”

“Hey,” Jihoon said, feeling accused. “What’s that mean?”

Jeonghan laughed as he grabbed his wallet and keys, shoving them into the pockets of his denim jacket. “You do know that Seungcheol will literally kill you if you make a move on his baby, right?”

You bit your cheek. Jihoon stuttered behind you.

“I’ll keep your secret,” he said, shoving his feet into a pair of vans. “But if you guys are this obvious in front of him, don’t blame me when he finds out.”

It had been a month since Jeonghan had called you both out for having feelings for each other. A month since Jihoon shyly admitted that he had liked you for a while, but hadn’t expected you to feel anything for him. A month since you, a blushing mess, said that you had a crush on him the second you met him. A month since he gently put a hand on your jaw and kissed you.

A month since you started avoiding your brother’s questions about boys. And he was starting to get annoyed.

“None, Y/N? Really? No guys?”

You rolled your eyes, pausing your note taking. “No, bro. Boys at my school are stupid.”

“What about outside of school?”

This was the first time Seungcheol had suggested that you might know people outside of your class, and your panic must have shown on your face by the way Jihoon snorted from behind Cheol. He spun around and looked at the younger. “What? Is it crazy to think that Y/N might know people outside of school?”

“No,” Jihoon said, straight faced. “I just don’t get why you’re so insistent on them having a boyfriend when you wouldn’t approve of any of them anyways.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek, refocusing on your textbook. “Can you guys shut up, I have a quiz on Monday.”

“You have all weekend,” Cheol said, grabbing your notebook as you protested. “Whats up, my precious little sibling. Why aren’t you dating? You’re graduating this year.”

“Because I have an oedipus complex and no one compares to my brother,” you said, trying to snatch your notebook back as Jihoon broke out into a laugh. “Can you leave me alone for one weekend?”

“If you want me to leave me alone you shouldn’t come to my apartment.”

You didn’t tell him you only came because you wanted to see your secret boyfriend, who just so happened to be his roommate.

Jihoon was good to you, you thought. If he woke up early enough, he would facetime with you during your lunch period at school while he walked to his first class, bleary eyed and swollen from sleep. You shoved your classmates away as they teased you for your older man and he would just laugh, rubbing his eyes in the afternoon sun. He’d send you pictures of random things all day, sometimes in class, or in the library. A book cover he thought you would like the design of. The way the clouds looked in the sunset when he was walking back to the apartment. You often got selfies of him pretending to be asleep during lectures. You would send pictures back of your sneakers while you walked home from school, or selfies you took with the mirror in your room. Every other afternoon, he would facetime you again after Seungcheol left for his afternoon class, and you would study while he messed around on his computer, letting you listen to his music making process.

Then, Friday afternoons, you would skip up the stairs to your family apartment and rush to pack an overnight bag, telling your mom you were headed to Seungcheol’s. She would tease you for spending more time there than at home, but was secretly glad that her kids were staying close. On the bus, you would switch your wallpaper back to an edit with lyrics to some Jonas Brothers song from the picture that Jihoon had sent you earlier that week. You texted both Jihoon and your brother, separately, letting them know you were on your way.

Your phone rang in your hand suddenly while you were watching Jihoon type on the other side of the conversation. Seungcheol. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, kiddo! Something came up and I can’t get you at the bus stop.”

You paused. “Okay?”

“So wait until later.”

You paused again, looking around the bus you were seated in. “No?”

“What do you mean, no?”

“Seungcheol, I’m not a little kid. I know where you live. Besides, I’m already on the bus.”

You rolled your eyes when you heard him groaning. “You’re so annoying. Okay, hang on.”

“You’re the one being annoying, bro-” you were cut off by the sound of a door opening and Cheol yelling a sustained “YAH!”

“Can you go get this stupid kid at the bus stop? By the 7eleven?”

“Bro, I’m not a stupid kid-”

“Okay I’m back. Jihoon says he’ll come meet you.”

You paused. “Fine.”

“Ah, you’re fine if it’s Jihoon but not me. I see how it is.”

You laughed. “What do you mean?”

“This kid,” he muttered teasingly. “Doesn’t even care that their big brother just wants to take care of them. Prefers the other brothers. I get it. I’m not hurt.”

“Shut up,” you laughed. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah whatever. Love you!”

“Love you, too.”

Then you sat, vibrating, on a bus for forty-five minutes. 

You stood by the back door as the bus stopped in front of the 7eleven, grinning when you saw Jihoon leaning against the wall, waving at you through the bus window. You hopped off and excitedly skipped towards him, making him laugh as he pushed off the wall.

“Hi,” you said, grinning.

“Hi,” he said back, quickly leaning into you for a kiss.

You really cherished the moments you could act how you wanted with Jihoon. You knew that if you let yourself get soft and sappy with Seungcheol around, it would be a dead giveaway, so you kept your normal attitude at the apartment. But, what you wanted to do was hook your arm into Jihoons, plant a kiss on his cheek, and happily tell him about your week as you walked. So that’s what you did.

Despite the fact that you had talked over facetime the day before, you still found something to tell him about, making him laugh when you imitated one of your classmates. He told you that he started a new song the night before, and you begged him to let you listen to it when you got home, but he said you had to wait until it was done.

Your fingers fit well between his, you thought, when he suddenly asked if you were hungry.

“Kinda,” you said, looking over to him. “You?”

He nodded, looking down the street at what was around. “I haven’t eaten yet today. Do you wanna go to the snack bar?”

You grinned, giving him a look. “Lee Jihoon, are you asking me out?”

He laughed, tugging your hand with his. “Shut up. Let’s go.”

You decided to let it slide that it was almost four in the afternoon and he hadn’t eaten yet, giggling as you got pulled down the street. You had always liked Jihoon, obviously, but you especially liked the Jihoon you had gotten to know. The one that was relaxed and laughed at every chance he got, rather than the shy and hesitant Jihoon you had met. Now that he wasn’t trying to hide his feelings from you, he had become a cooler, calmer version of himself when you were around, not just when he forgot you were sitting on the couch while him and the guys worked on a song. 

When you entered the snack bar that your group frequented often, you realized you had never eaten anywhere alone with Jihoon, much less there. It was starting to kind of feel like a real date, you thought, as he led you to a small table, looking over the menu when he sat despite probably having it memorized. You quickly got up and retrieved a pitcher of water for you both, asking him what sounded good.

“Everything,” he said, leaning back and stretching his shoulders. “What do you want? My treat.”

You bit your cheek, looking at the menu, despite also having it memorized. It really was starting to feel like a date. “Rabokki?”

“Oooh, I like it. With cheese?”

You scoffed, pouring the water for both of you. “Always with cheese.”

He laughed as he pulled the cap off a felt tip pen to mark out your order. “Do we want the fried rice at the end, too?”

“Wah,” you said, eyes wide. “I haven’t had that in so long. Are you hungry enough?”

He looked at you. “Are you being serious?”

You giggled, letting your hand find his free one beside the inset grill, fingers slipping between his. “Order it, then.”

He inhaled sharply, cocking his head at the menu. “Should we also get kimbap?”

“Jihoon, there’s only two of us.”

“And?”

He played around with the idea for a bit longer, making you laugh, but he decided against it so that he could justify ordering chicken for dinner. After the older woman that ran the place took the marked menu from Jihoon, he stared at you for a minute, then smiled.

You pouted, suddenly shy under his gaze. “What?”

“You’re really cute.”

You pulled your hand away from his and leaned back in your chair, crossing your arms. “Shut up.”

He laughed, leaning forward to pull your hand back. “Hey, hey! That’s mine. You can’t take it.”

“My hand?”

“No, mine.”

You held it up. “This one? The one attached to me?”

“Yeah, it’s mine. Give it back.”

You wished you didn’t blush so hard as you pouted and muttered a “fine,” letting him take it back and rest it on the table again. 

Then there was thunk on the window, making you both jump and look over, along with the few other patrons. Your eyes got big as your big brother pointed at you, a balled fist against the glass.

“Yah!” His voice was muted from through the glass, but his tone was obvious. You looked at Jihoon, then at your hands, and you both pulled away as soon as you realized, but it was way too late. You groaned and collapsed onto the table as Seungcheol marched to the entrance and entered the snack bar.

“What the hell! You didn’t tell me?”

Jihoon stood up, but stuttered. “H-hey, calm down, bro-”

“Y/N.”

You didn’t lift your head. “What.”

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon interjected. “I asked them to not let you know. It’s my fault.”

“What?” Seungcheol stared at him. “Why? Why would you think I wouldn’t want to know about this?”

“Because you would have said I wasn’t good enough, and you’re right.”

That made you pop your head up, squinting at Jihoon. “What? No. That’s not true.”

“How can you judge?” Seungcheol asked, nodding at you. “You don’t have experience with guys. You barely even know him.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Oh my God, Seungcheol, I’ve known Jihoon for almost a year now. I probably know him better than you do. And I don’t need you telling me who’s worthy of my time.”

Seungcheol pouted at you, his brows giving away that he was more hurt than angry. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You paused. “Are you serious?”

He exhaled, sitting in the extra chair at your table, completely ignoring the group of people he had been walking with that were now just standing outside of the restaurant. “How long?”

You eyed Jihoon, who quietly sat across from you. “About a month.”

Seungcheol clicked his tongue, as he looked around, concealing a curse and clearly annoyed that he hadn’t figured out sooner. “How serious?”

“I really like Y/N,” Jihoon said, pulling both of your attention. He adjusted his baseball cap, another habit of his you had noticed. “A lot. I would like it to be serious.”

You pursed your lips, trying to hide a smile. “Me too.”

“God, I hate this,” Seungcheol said, rubbing his face. “This sucks so much.”

You shoved his shoulder. “Why, why?”

“Because I want to beat up your boyfriend but I don’t want to beat up my producer.”

“Nice,” Jihoon deadpanned, looking at you with a raised fist in victory. “We found a loophole.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as Seungcheol groaned, pulling himself out of the chair. “Are you paying? You better be paying.”

Jihoon laughed, hands up in surrender. “I’m paying, I promise.”

“He already offered, Seungcheol, seriously. God, you’re so annoying.”

“I can’t believe I’m leaving you two here.”

“Are you?” You asked. “Because it seems a lot like you’re still here.”

“Oh, nice,” Jihoon raised a hand and you laughed as you high fived him. 

“I’ll kill you both if given the opportunity, I swear,” Seungcheol said, walking towards the door. “Take me seriously.”

“Of course, big brother! I love you!”

Jihoon made a heart with his arms and you held your face, trying to not snort at the way Seungcheol pointed and looked at him. 

“God, this sucks,” he repeated before opening the door, sounding completely defeated. "Oh my God the song you were writing yesterday-”

Jihoon cleared his throat. "Hey, bro, shut up."

You eyed Jihoon and he shook his head. Seungcheol leaned against the doorframe in anguish, still complaining about how much he hated the situation. You waved to him as he rejoined his friends, all of them slapping his back as he huffed. You exhaled deeply and looked at Jihoon. “Well, that went better than expected.”

He exhaled, nodding, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “I think I saw my life flash before my eyes.”

You giggled a moment, then paused. “Were you serious earlier?”

Jihoon looked at you, wide eyed. “About what?”

“That you don’t think you’re good enough.”

His tongue clicked and he inhaled, fidgeting with his hands. “I- yeah. Kinda?”

“Why?”

He shook his head. “I just don’t get you.”

You frowned. “What?”

“I don’t get how-” he paused, clearing his throat and straightening his spine. “I don’t understand it. You’re so funny and cute and smart, I’m sure people are asking you out at school all the time. Wouldn’t it be easier to have a boyfriend you could actually spend time with?”

“We do spend time together,” you said, thinking of all the video calls and the weekends hanging out.

“Not really,” Jihoon said. “Not like a couple.”

You faltered. “You mean like going out?”

He pursed his lips, clearly not sure how to express what was going on in his head with you pushing for an answer. “I guess? Don’t you think you should see your boyfriend more?”

“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to get him to look at you again. “But only because you’re my boyfriend. I like you, Jihoon. I don’t wanna be with anyone else.”

He sniffed suddenly, a smile breaking through. He raised his eyebrows a bit, and you almost laughed at his playful look. “You don’t wanna be with anyone else?”

You giggled. “No. Only you.”

“Wow,” he said, putting his hands on the table. “No one, huh?”

“Shut up,” you said, recognizing his jokingly cocky tone.

“Wow, this feels good, huh?” He grinned, committing to the bit by speaking in dialect. “I like this feeling. Turns out, happiness isn’t just a word.”

Your eyes closed as you laughed. “You’re acting so weird, stop.”

He laughed with you while your pot arrived and the server turned on the burner. Jihoon immediately began breaking up the ramen, smiling sideways while you watched him.

“What?” He asked finally, wondering why you stared at him instead of the food.

You smiled. “I like you.”

He exhaled with a smile. “I like you, too.”

[writingsofmyimagination]

28 Days

This is part of the KSmutClub Monster Smash Project - Prompt Werewolf

Jimin X Reader Werewolf AU (Tiny bit of Jungkook x Reader)

Summary: A late night run leaves you coming down with something. A Cheating Boyfriend. Whole new world opens up to you which has been under your nose the whole time. Everything within you heightens.

Words:10387

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, SMUT OFC! (Slight BDSM themes, Switch Jimin)

Hope you enjoy :) I had soo much fun writing this! Have some potential ideas for a part two so let me know what ya’ll think :P.

Day 1

Eyes wide, heart racing. Sweat began forming a thin layer on your skin; you were freezing.

The contradicting temperatures of your body refused to settle. Swallowing was uncomfortable with how dry your throat was; you peered over at the silhouette of your sleeping boyfriend held there in exhaustion as you slowly left the warmth and comfort of the bed

Thank god I didn’t wake him

The gem had answered your panic stricken phone call earlier that evening after a dog big enough to be a wolf had chased you while on your evening run. The noise of the awful snarl still ringing around your mind like a pinball machine. Even In its frenzy it had thankfully only managed to leave a semi deep scratch etched into your calf. It seemingly realised its actions and charged away. It bled all the way to the emergency room; it definitely didn’t warrant emergency attention but Jungkook forced you saying it’s a wild animal and ‘you got to make sure you get shots, don’t want you dying of rabies on me’ you remember him joking. You reminded him rabies was more of less non-existent in the country but he was probably right. They put skin closures across it as it wasn’t serious enough for stitches and put a standard sterile white dressing over to protect it. It may not have been serious but it was fucking long, nearly most of your calf. The first dose of your antibiotics was working its way through your system already; they’d decided to give some intravenously.

Avoiding the minefield of clothes trip hazards you made it into the living room, the pale moonlight was converting to a pale dawn. The glass coffee table in the middle of the room danced with shimmering grace in the glow. The light dimmed in the kitchen area, too far away from the window. You hit a switch which illuminated the under cupboard lights bringing life to the marble sides; the carpet turned into tiles, feet not appreciating the temperature or softness change. Reaching up into the cupboard for a glass, you jumped when the front door opened. You was just in one of Kook’s oversized shirts and in this position your underwear was definitely on show. No longer on tip toes you turned as his older brother waltzed in launching his holdall silently onto the sofa which absorbed the noise.

Short leather jacket adorned with zips, simple white V neck shirt tucked into black skinnies and leather biker boots. Yep his standard attire. He looked too good even though you hated to admit it. His eyes were worn and withered, exhaustion seeping off him. Your presence in the kitchen knitted his brows together but you spoke first.

“Jeez Yoongi you like hell, what happened to you?” you spoke softly.

“Could say the same to you” he countered nodding down at your leg.

“Guess I win!” You admitted “I got attacked by a dog, but like it was massive! I was running and it caught up with me out of nowhere and…”

His head popped up from behind the fridge door from where he was busy searching for sustenance.

“Wait… by a dog? How? Where?” Concern blossomed in his naturally dark eyes.

“As I WAS saying, I was running and it just caught up with me and his claw just caught my leg. It kind of backed off when I fell and ran off. Did I say it was huge! Like beaming yellow eyes too!” you placed your glass on the side behind you and leaned against the work top arms folded.

“Yeah but WHERE?” he asked curt.

Jeez he can be so cranky when he’s tired

“Erm… In Crest Park Woods” you responded ignoring his bluntness like you would assignments; also hesitant as you knew your location would likely trigger…

“I’ve told you both not to go there at night! Shit” he barked albeit quietly, huge frown announcing displeasure. He suddenly seemed agitated, almost panicky with his movements.

“Well I tell you to put the dishwasher on and you ignore me the same” you bit back defensive against his unwarranted agitation.

“Besides I’m fine, I didn’t need stitches, the doctors gave me antibiotics, stop being dramatic”

“Why did you let her go” his harsh words directed behind you. Jungkook had appeared in the living room doorway, heavy eyed and rubbing them to some form of life. His hair poofy and messy, shirtless, trackies hanging onto his hips admiring the view above.

“Hey, I can’t tell her what to do man, I was training for most of the evening, got her call when I was getting changed” even his words were sleepy.

“You know I tell you it’s not safe at night” he reiterated

“No parks or woods are safe at night in this day and age Yoongi” Kook piped up.

“Y/N please come back to bed, take the weight off your leg” he pleaded drowsy.

It was too early for this.

“Fine” you droned eyes rolling your disapproval quietly grateful to be out of this situation which you could sense was starting to sour.

“Oh you can’t tell her what to do?” You heard Yoongi jab at Jungkook as you left. As you’d expect from brothers they bickered, but they generally had a pretty solid relationship, I mean Yoongi was letting Jungkook live with him rent free while he was at Uni. He did annoyingly well for himself. Since you and Kook had been together he’d even let you more or less live there too; he was scarcely home and you’d prefer to have some privacy with your boyfriend here instead of your cramped hall room. You showed your gratitude by making sure everywhere was clean and tidy and making sure there was always enough of dinner left over for him in the freezer whenever he decided to come home.

//

“What are you…doing?” you mumbled still paralysed by sleepiness. You were half aware of Jungkook not-so slyly sliding his hands under your shirt groaning happily cupping your breasts, pushing up closer behind you, you didn’t really need to know what he was doing or wanted, you could feel it.

“Seducing you idiot” he toyed, fingertips gliding down your side, your thigh. Switching direction and coming up on your inner thigh teasing the way he knows your weak for.

“Yoongi baby” you reminded, annoyingly your room backed onto his and you struggled to be quiet sometimes. You’d faced many awkward glances with Yoongi too many mornings and you didn’t want to start again.

“He’s out” he breathed onto your skin at the back of your neck.

“He’s never out in the morning” you blurted out contesting him

“Exactly” before his lips latched onto the side of your neck dragging a gasp from your throat. You couldn’t fault his logic, your body way ahead of your thinking pushed back into him.

//

“Jesus baby how hard did you cum?” You got asked rhetorically in your state of euphoric exhaustion.

“You mean how many times?” you added chuckling within the breaths you were struggling to take. Collapsed side by side, hot messes perspiration soaked.

Sex with Jungkook was never terrible, far from it! But today everything felt amplified, everything had a surge of electric exaggerating every touch, the strength of the contractions of your muscles were on another level.

You’d never felt anything like it; your brain flooded with oxytocin, you drowned happily.

“My plan to keep you off your feet for a bit longer was a success then” he mentioned before downing the rest of his glass of water from the bedside table

“Seriously Kook I have a scratch on my leg, It’s not like it’s…” You felt the blood drain from your face, your skin went deathly cold, your body heated up from the head down simultaneously. Lurching from the bed; adrenaline making sure your muscles could carry you to the bathroom.

//

The last 5 minutes you’d touch wood not brought anything else up. Kook was still on hand, holding your hair off your face gently stroking your back. The typhoon in your stomach had mostly dissipated but you still hugged the bowl like your life depended on it.

“How you doing beautiful” he asked from behind

“Yeah I think I’m good” He took your response as a cue to release your hair and went and grabbed you some fresh bottled water from the fridge.

“Where did that come from?”

“Beats me” you sipped in delicate mouthfuls from the glass anxious to not disrupt whatever was settling your stomach.

“You don’t think?”

“What?” you answered

“We’re always careful right?” his words were hesitant as his brain scanned through every last time between you.

Shit! We’re 23 this will not be it!

Some superficial nausea returned as you too tried to remember every last time.

“Yea…h?”

The response wasn’t as confident as he wanted. You’d recently switched up contraception to the implant as your pill taking had become sketchy at best.

//

He returned from the drug store with a test and had also acquired an abundance of sweet things for you.

“Whoa where are you off to” his tone disapproving of the fact you were up and dressed lacing up your black boots.

“I told you I feel absolutely fine now” you pressed finishing the last bit of toast in your hand. You saw his frown come to fruition and you stopped any response with a kiss. Your hands caressing both his cheeks.

“I promise I’m fine. I can’t miss this lecture. You’re the absolute best. Now are you going to let me do this and then leave?” In his absence you’d pretty much convinced yourself that the pair of you had been careful and it must have been the antibiotic’s or something.

He sulked on the bar stool around the breakfast island where you’d implicitly told him to stay while you waited. His eyes were wide, worried as he stood up when you walked back into the room.

“See told you” handing him the negative test like the massive I told you so sandwich it was.

“Am I free to go now?” you teased as he tugged on your jean belt loop catching you in between his thighs.

“You’re free to go” he per-missed only after you’d kissed him and told him he was the best. Again.

Day 7

“Ugh!” you shivered, Sambuca burning horribly down your throat, your shot glass turned and slammed onto the side. Face creasing up in that Sambuca after taste disgust.

“Hey Y/N we going start cards against humanity you in?” Your friend Laura called from the centre of the living room playing a link in a chain of a circle of people from your class and a few others.

“Obviously” you called back. She’d dragged you to a house party in an attempt to help you get drunk and to forget about Jungkook for a night.

Jeon fucking Jungkook!

He’d decided to destroy your nothing but amazing year relationship by getting so blind drunk he ended his night with someone from his swim team on his dick a few days ago. He confessed straight away. You ended up in a rage filled teary mess and he just dissolved into a balling mess pleading; every apology saturated with remorse. You made damn sure you didn’t care how loud you were in Yoongi’s place. You left leaving Jungkook there completely ended with.

You were a wreck. With that wreck aside you were still a physical wreck, still suffering with sudden bouts of sickness, excruciating pain all topped off with ridiculous hornyess. You could even swear your smell and taste were better.  The Dr’s had done some tests including another pregnancy test; everything was annoyingly clear; no clinical answers in sight.

“Hey you need a drink in your hand to play” Hobi announced shoving yet another vodka and coke in your hand as you sunk to the floor cross legged next to him.

Apparently Hobi and some of the other dance majors can really fucking drink. Put your class to absolute shame!

The music was at a reasonable volume but to your ears it was pounding, your vision was fuzzy and your mind a pleasant haze. You took yourself off to the kitchen for the actual sensible purpose of grabbing yourself some water and then popping to the loo.

On your return your floor seat was by taken.

He smells so fucking good.

Jesus what’s wrong with me

“Hey, can I have my spot back” You were practically stood over him, his back towards you as you just faced the messy black hair.

Your heart beat shot up irrationally; nothing prepared for your how beautiful he was, like seriously if anyone needs a Prince Eric casting you’d found him. The dark hair did not dim the brightness of his smile nor the mischievous look in his eyes as he took ALL of you in; your scent, your simple but apparently effective attire of a tight fitting with sleeveless white top tucked into a pair of high waisted jeans. He dropped his knees fully crossing them.

“You can sit here if you like” smirking; his tongue grazing the side of his mouth and tapping his lap. A few chuckles at his quip from the circle.

“Don’t you think you should at least try that with a girl whose in your league or at least get me a drink before you ask for anything like that” you bit back bemused, sure your eyes were glimmering with insincerity. He was not out of your league, this guy was the reason leagues were created in the first place.

“Oooooohh” Hobi and few others cooed in unison. The guy’s eyebrow shot up above a smile before he chuckled and conceded

“Touche”

“Of course you can sit back here” his tone suddenly lighter, genuine.

“Seeing as you missed the introduction, Y/N Jimin, Jimin Y/N. He’s just transferred to Dance” Laura said her tone laced with a childish disgust.

“Don’t have to say it like I’m disgusting” Jimin said falling into the sofa opposite you.

“Oh I do” Laura joked.

Until the game finished you just couldn’t concentrate; Jimin’s gaze was like a black hole, absorbing your attention with no mercy. Easily dragging laughs out of you as he eventually joined in the game. You noticed the sparkle his eyes always shone when he looked at you; you could even swear there were sometimes strange yellow flecks  that danced amongst the coffee brown.

“I am done” you announced standing up, taking a second to stable your alcohol infused state.

“Yeah I think we all are” Laura agreed.

“Jimin can walk you to your room he’s going that way” Hobi pushed. Jimin and you once again got sucked into each other’s gaze. The pounding of your pulse felt deep in your stomach.

What the fuck is going on, this effect is not normal, even with how hot he is

“I think I can manage a short walk across campus”

“I am going that way, May as well, pretty company is always good”

“LAME!” Laura toyed.

“Fine, I suppose your right” underhandedly returning the compliment.

//

“So what’s your major” He idly asked

“Virology”

“OOFF, heavy” he observed.

“You are not wrong” you agreed chucking, grateful for the cool breeze to sooth your sudden increase in body temperature.

“I assume you know Hobi and Laura from Dance?”

“Yeah just like she said I just transferred, the uh dance teacher and I did not see eye to eye at my old uni”

“Dance hey”

“Something amusing?”

“From your look I wouldn’t have guessed in a million years”

“And what look is that exactly” He inquired genuinely curious.

“Well I mean leather jacket, ripped jeans, slightly baggy t-shirt, I mean I pegged you more maybe for like music or even maybe biomed”

“I mean it’s too early to introduce pegging” he toyed, mischievous.

“Ooookkkaay, like I may be drunk and we may have just played cards against humanity but we are not close enough to discuss that shit!” Hitting him in a playful manner on his arm.

How it escalated you don’t even know, you’d ended up shoved against a wall in the stairway of your dorm building; his hands grabbing everywhere they possibly could in a rough manner. It wasn’t something you were used to it but fuck could you get used to it. His mouth catching your heavy breaths, lips hungry on yours. It was like a fire had been ignited that you never knew you had. And it was with a stranger, but it felt so right. Your hands were not innocent either, oh no! You were pulling him to you in sheer desperation.

“Please tell me we’re near your room” he panted already scrabbling at the buttons of your jeans.

“Well I mean if you wouldn’t have pounced on me you’d have discovered we are really close” wasting no time in having your hands trailing his abs

“Couldn’t help myself, you just smell so good…”

Ditto!

He was shoved on your bed immediately. Leg straddling his waist; both your shirts already scattered on the bedroom floor. His hand gripped tightly in a fistful of your hair controlling the force of your kiss.

Until he stopped.

“What?”

“We shouldn’t”

What a time for a change of heart you sighed to yourself

“Serious?” mouth already pouting sitting back on your legs and his erection straining against his jeans.

“I mean god I want to” his lips were plumped up from all the attention.

“But you’re waaayyy more drunk than me and It wouldn’t be right, and I want to make you sure you remember how good I’m going to fuck you, even If I have to starve myself of this” applying pressure down your trousers feeling you over your underwear, your moan ricocheting into the room

“Fine! But don’t tease” you ordered slapping his hand away, climbing off him lying next to him in a huff.

“It’ll be worth it, I promise”

“You better make sure it is! You probably shouldn’t stay here though because there’s no way I won’t make you beg for me to fuck you if you’re here too long.” You teased.

“Ooo fighting talk huh? You’re probably right. I’ll see myself out. You can make yourself cum thinking about me though, I won’t have any objections to that”

“Well you’ll never know will you!” lip between your teeth as he flashed his smile which was so saccharine saturated you were at risk of a coma as he left.

Again in your drunk state you happily walking into a huge mistake

*knock knock*

“Y/N?”

Giving Jungkook no more time to talk about anything; you dragged him into a heated, completely lust filled kiss which he accepted no questions asked. He was pushed onto the sofa; him forced underneath you.

“Yoongi… could be home… any minute” he managed in between the assault on his lips.

“Shut up” you demanded tugging at his shirt, a desperate plea grinding on his crotch. He returned in kind ridding you of your pyjama top. Putting you underneath him on the sofa, leather cool against your skin. Yanking your trackies on the floor before chucking off his. You tugged on his long hair; wanting to avoid the pain he followed the direction of your pull gaining leverage over him enabling you to be on top again. His cock pressed against your folds

“Wait don’t you… want warmi…” hands resting at your side fingertips gently indenting your skin, hair half covering his eyes.

“Nope” you interrupted sinking down onto him cutting off any more words, replacing them with breathy moans.

“Fuck” he breathed rolling his head back. He always absolutely loved when you used him just to get off.

Your hips rocking rough, desperately seeking the relief you needed. Hand gripping to his chest enjoying the muscles beneath your fingertips rippling. You started clenching around him still dragging yourself closer.

“Jesus if you keep doing that I’m not going to last much longer” he whined. Knowing your body and the lack of clit stimulation was hindering your orgasm he tried to help. You swatted his hand away. He was delusional if he thought he deserved that. Pinning his hands above his head he got the message. The visual stimulation of you circling hurriedly on your clit had his eyes rolling up, fists clenching. As always he managed to hold off until your muscles starting convulsing around him before falling hard into his own release.

Apparently once wasn’t enough for you, easily going another couple of times before completely crashing in his bed. Another mistake.

Day 8

You woke up alone.

Thank god

There was however a note

-Let’s talk when I’m back - JK

How about no, he could go away for the week coming back to nothing!

You scrunched it up, feeling a slight pang of guilt for giving him hope.

Mouth dry, you headed to the kitchen

“Well, I wasn’t expecting to see you here again” Yoongi admitted slouching around the breakfast bar with a bowl of cereal.

Thank god I put on a shirt

You rolled your eyes.

“Please don’t, apparently alcohol causes me to make massive mistakes” you blurted out.

“Sorry he’s your brother” you added

“Its fine, we’ve all been there and he’s not exactly in my good books. I’ve give him hell don’t worry. He’s been a mess all week”

“Good!”

Excruciating pain spiked through your stomach rippling out to your chest. You doubled over in pain. Yoongi rushed over to support you, firm hand gripping at your waist and arm

“Im fine, I’m fine” ushering him away as the moment passed. More dreading what was next, the nausea and sickness.

“Here drink this” Yoongi handed you a homemade looking drink in a glass bottle. The army green liquid was lumpy and the thought of it anywhere near your mouth increased your nausea ten fold

“I feel sick already, definitely not” sipping the water that Yoongi had also sweetly provided.

“I’m serious it will take the nausea away in a heartbeat, just a mouthful, trust me it’s an old recipe of my grams” One eyebrow considerably higher, you gingerly took the bottle and unscrewed the cap. Opting not to even dare sniff it pinching your nose and swallowing; face scrunching shaking your head. For good measure you chugged the rest of your water and still held your nose for the taste to completely pass.

Boy wasn’t lying

“I am not even going to ask what’s in that but Jesus it worked”

“Probably best you don’t, and you’re welcome” he beamed.

“Well I guess I better get out here I got some serious revision to be getting on with”

Day 15

It was 1am, you were staring blankly at your work books, black lines of font all blurring into a mess in front of you. Your eyes rolled as you found your coffee cup empty. You were in a student café which had the genius idea of opening weirdly unsociable hours for all those late night crammers. You frequented this place a lot. The super comfy sofa area often had groups trying to cram together, people dozing from too much reading. You always took your refuge at a table, always sat facing one of the windows, you found the orange hue from the streetlight calming and not having to make eye contact with anyone else in the café suited you right down to the ground.

You’d found a small piece of paper in your jacket that Jimin had slyly slipped in the pocket a few days ago, you’d completely procrastinated texting the number. Not trusting yourself with how you’d act if your meeting again was anything like the last. Not that you didn’t want it.

Thinking about him apparently had the memory of his scent which now flooded your sense. Out of nowhere a coffee cup appeared beside you briefly masking the smell. You removed your headphones and turned to the source of the coffee giver.

The smell was not from memory.

“Latte with an extra shot” he announced

“I asked the server what you had before” he mentioned in response to the perplexed look primed his way.

“Umm, hi, thanks” he helped himself to a seat opposite, mere moments into your interaction the hunger was already festering.

“Not gonna lie I’ve been waiting for your text like an impatient child” he confessed stroking the side of his cup, looking down avoiding the eye contact.

“Sorry, I’ve just been swamped and I may have been staring at your number desperate to text but I didn’t know what to say”

“How about, hey, fancy meeting up to finish what we started” he joked, you closed your books attention drawn completely to him

“Oh you’re putting that straight out there then” feeling the flush of blood rushing to your cheeks, his shoulders shrugged, devilish smile returning

“If you don’t ask you don’t get. I would have happily responded to that”

“Well I mean normally I’d say buy a girl a drink first but I guess you’ve just ticked that box”

“Exactly”

Your walk to the halls was longer than normal. Under the cover of the poorly lit areas of the campus the pair of you hungrily shoved each other against trees grasping everywhere lips barely parting. You suspected your back was at best grazed.

“I don’t…even know why you do…this to me, I hardly know you” you panted slamming your door shut with Jimins body hard against it.

“Fuck knows but I feel it too” In a brief moment you was apart his eyes scanned you before literally tearing your shirt off buttons popping everywhere.

How strong is he? That’s like a movie thing

Your bra was unclipped with one hand before it joined your shirt.

He’s got moves, give him that

He picked you up from under your behind, legs wrapping round his waist. Your turn to be shoved against the door. Your back was definitely grazed, the pleasant sting confirmed this.

Your neck, collar bone was plastered with blossoming red marks. He even sunk his teeth in at the curve of your neck.

“Enough foreplay” you breathed. He chuckled through a growl which went straight to your core.

“Impatient” he stated a smirk growing wide bunching his cheeks up.

“Can’t wait to test that”

“My dorm mate is away tonight” the pair of you cocking your eyebrows. He set you down, backing you up until you knocked into the table, tugging his white v-n off, fingertips digging into his sides pressing him flush against you. He came willingly. Taking one of his hands you guided him under you the waistband of your unbuttoned jeans. Gasping finally having the contact against your folds.

“Want me much?” in response to how wet you were. You just dragged him into a kiss.

“Can’t have you waiting that desperately for me can I”

“Please don’t make me” you whined as he rushed to have you step out of jeans and underwear.

“You’re beautiful you know that” he exhaled drinking you all in. You were pushed hard half on the table, perching as he dropped to his knees.

Unbeknown to you he could smell your arousal the instant it started pooling. It completely intoxicated him like nothing before.

A deep growl escaped his throat nipping at the inside of your thigh. As weird as it was to hear such an animalistic growl you’d be lying if it wasn’t sexy as fuck.

He teased, lips going everywhere it wasn’t throbbing. He sensed your frustration from a mile off.

“Say please!” he ordered, smirk felt against your thigh.

“Fuck…Jimin PLEASE!” you begged. Hand flying straight to tangle in his hair. He sucked at your bud answering your plea with warm harsh flicks of his tongue.

“Want more?” Warm breathe fanning at your core.

“Mmmhmm” was you all you managed with your head rolled back. He granted your wish thrusting two fingers inside and going back with his tongue flat licking wide stripes.

“Don’t stop” you whined, feeling your leg muscles tighten. He granted your again as he sped up quickly pushing you over the edge pulling even tighter on his hair. Satisfied accomplished smirk was graced him.

“Don’t think I’m finished with you” he forewarned. Pulling you off the desk spinning you round, bending you over kicking you ankles apart. The light clinking of his belt causing a surge of excited anticipation which was delayed a few seconds by him putting on the condom. Slicking himself with your arousal before sinking into you.

“You feel just as good as you taste” he moaned before his hips began bucking into you. You turned to respond but you was met with him in a harsh movement turning your head to the front wrapping his fists in your hair tugging you harder on him. You settled digging your finger into the outside of his thigh.

“Jesus Jimin” you wailed. Jungkook was rarely rough with you and only know you realised how much you’d missed it.

“Too hard?” he asked slowing down pulling nearly all the way out teasing at your entrance awaiting further instruction.

“Fuck no” you cried, he slammed back into you; your free hand balling up into a fist. His free hand made its way round your waist. You went and met his hand, allowing you to take the lead his hand resting on yours gliding him in between your legs.

Boy gotta know how you like it!

“Ready to cum yet” he grunted, noticing how jerky his hips were going; he definitely was. The sleek words at your ear selectively just heard ‘cum’.  You did what you thought he’d just told you.

“Jesus how tight do you wanna go” he spluttered as he came. He left you panting slumped on the table while he went to the bin. Managing to stand he pulled you into a kiss hands at your cheeks, soft against your flushed hot face.

“Give me ten minutes and we’re going again” he said almost in a whisper.

“You have five and I’ll damn make sure you’ll be begging me to let you cum this time”

Day 16

You stirred, rolling onto Jimin’s chest, which for a moment threw you. It was nice, his natural scent a comfort when combined with the soft contact of his skin. It also provided more than comfort, currently a chimera of comfort and also a ridiculous turn on for no reason whatsoever.

Christ, It likes I’m on heat or something

Safe to say you was now awake. His arm weakly fell round your waist, still in a sleepy daze. Taking your time, creeping your fingertips stepping lightly down his chest, his stomach finally ghosting up his thighs. His thighs were actual masterpieces of tone and muscle you’d be graced with.

The grip on your hips increased slightly when your hand wrapped around his cock

“Mmm morning to you too” he mumbled shifting to be more flat on his back. Biting your lip through glazed over eyes you started moving your hand. As he grew in your hand and his eyes finally opened dragged awake by your movements and you grinding light circles against him.

“That’s so good” still in a sleepy mumble. When you stopped he let out a whiny exhale and you shrunk down in between his legs.

“Will this be better?” you teased licking a stripe at his tip.

“I think you should show me it is”

//

“I think we should play a game” you suggested lifting your mouth from him after not letting him cum three times.

“You’re torturing me already” he panted. Your arm mopped up any saliva that had accumulated round your mouth as you sat up. You abandoned him in favour of bringing some toys for you to play with.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No” he agreed, chirping your shoulders up you lined him up at your entrance and slowly sunk down. In a natural move his hands went to your hips. You allowed this. When his hips bucked up into you. You did not allow this.

“You are not doing that” you ordered tightening your thighs at his waist

“What?” he breathed, face like it’s the most ridiculous cruel thing he’s ever heard; rolling your hips savouring how he felt inside you

“You are not to move. At ALL!”

“You are going to lay there and not move while I make myself cum 3 times on you”

“You can do that?”

“Yep, you do not buck your hips and you do not cum understand. Then I promise you can have me how you want” One thing about being with Jungkook. His stamina was ridiculous and he damn sure trained you well. You rocked your hips.

“What a reward!” he breathed your movement catching him off guard.

“Hope you like be…..”

You clenched around him in response. Grabbing the first of your selected toys; your bullet. He was way more vocal than JK and it was amazing. It was beautifully soft considering also melodic, his laboured breathes in between really hit as his head rolled back. His fists twirled in the sheets beside you pouring every ounce of will against his want fuck you.

“You’re doing so well” you panted, heat flowing across all of your skin enduring the aftershocks of your second orgasm. Your leg muscles growing tired from the constant tensing, your nails had left small red half crescents in a pretty field on his chest.

“I’ll treat you just a bit” Offering him the remote of your wand vibrator.

“I don’t think I can concentrate to operate that and not to move” he whined.

“You damn well better try you” You whined curtly kissing him in a desperate hurry. Considerately he put it on the lowest setting first, this time you would definitely need to move. So you did rocking your hips back of forth careful not to move up and down; judging from Jimin’s moans he wouldn’t be able to last with that kind of motion.

“Je…sus this is so hard” he panted, knocking the speed up to full, the area of the wand reaching more than just your clit; vibrations radiating out to the spring in your core on which were near breaking point.

“Ahh almost…there” hands firmly griping his shoulders, his face leaking frustrated concentration.

“Please cum baby” the plea came in a sweet desperate moan. His words moaned like a sexy mantra sent you over the edge; crying out even louder when he pushed up into you once in a hard thrust.

//

“You know you’re the first person I’ve ever even partially submitted to” Jimin was sprawled out your bed catching his breath with you equally sprawled next to him

“Yeah? How come”

“I like to be in control, but with you I don’t know, it just feels different, like I want to do anything with you as long as it gets me against you”

“Well I’ll take that as compliment” you preened.

“How in control do you like to be?”

“Oh you’re going to find out” he warned

“Now who’s got fighting talk?”

Seemingly fully recovered like nothing has happened, he clambered onto of you. Your hands pinned above your head.

“Now you said I could do what I wanted with you” any hint of the soft adorable voice had gone, fire ravaging behind his eyes.

“I did” eyes scanning his body smirk growing across your face.

“Well you’re not leaving this room until I’m done with you, if anything gets too much tell me, if you like something in a different way tell me. Okay?” his head nuzzled in your neck taking in your scent, noticing the shift in your heart rate. You nodded also swearing you could even hear his racing pulse.

“You’re so beautiful, it just blows my mind” he breathes angling straight for your neck.

//

You napped until noon, but was it even a nap if you’d been completely fucked half into a coma?

Your body was wrecked. You felt bruised in the best way possible, red flowers had bloomed all over your body. Each one a sweet token of how good his mouth felt on you. But right now you wasn’t bothered about how exhausted your body felt, pain suddenly ravaged your senses to beyond caring.

“I’m fine” you wailed, tears trickling down your cheeks. The pain had now moved from your stomach to what felt like everywhere.

“Jesus Y/N you are not fine!” He argued, hand gently stroking your back as you were curled into as much of a fetal position as you could.

“Just give it a minute” you pleaded.

“It will go away”

You hated he hated to see you like that so feeble and helpless. The pain passed as you’d accurately predicted.

“Can I take you somewhere?” He asked, you wasn’t going to say no to the gooey chocolate of his eyes, hair draping lush over his forehead.

Opting for some loose ripped boyfriend jeans and a grey hoody pulled up shrouding as much of you as you humanly possible. The pair of you walked off campus; hand in hand. His hand took ownership of yours the second you’d locked your door, and how beat you were you were not going to refuse any sort of comfort.

You’d stopped caring about the potential of Jungkook seeing you as it had already happened. You’d had the messages begging first. They quickly turned into downright anger at you moving on so quickly. He even had the audacity to accuse you of already seeing Jimin behind his back. You made sure you told him where to stick any contact with you in the future.

You walked down a familiar street. Emerald green leaves adorning the trees in a row either side of the newly re-laid road.

Where are we going?

Just as you were about to pass Yoongi’s place, Jimin directed you down his path.

Now I’m lost

“Uhh Jimin wha…” His door was already knocked. Yoongi of course answered. Nothing but bafflement burnt onto your face as his face came into view. Yoongi’s face grew equally confused.

“Yoongi you gotta tell her for god’s sake, she needs to know” Jimin was stern, taking no no’s for an answer as he ushered you inside passed Yoongi who had no words as Jimin near enough barged passed.

“Tell me what? What’s going on?” Your voice raised amongst the confusion

These guys know each other?

 you stood arms crossed, eyebrows together leaning on the breakfast bar. The boys looked at each far too sheepishly, wordlessly communicating.

“You might wanna sit down”

“Yoongi seriously just tell me what’s going on” Jimin looked at you before looking down, a deep sorrow had started to diffuse of his aura, it turned your stomach.

What on earth

//

Legs carrying you and your exponential rage out of the house. Your eyes felt puffy even though the tears had yet to leave your eyes. Apparently rage causing them to evaporate.

“Leave me alone” Now the tears started as you shunned Jimin who was trying to hurry behind you.

A werewolf, a fucking werewolf!

Your thoughts had fused, overloaded with unbelievable information. Yoongi and Jimin confessed to apparently being werewolves, apparently Yoongi was the alpha of the so called little pack of people who are apparently also students.

“Are you all on crack?” you had exerted. Your refusal to believe what they were saying left them no other choice than to shift in front of you. You froze, two majestic huge wolves in front of you, Yoongi larger than Jimin. They were both black furred for the most part; Jimin’s wolf had a white diamond under his neck, breaking up the darkness. Before your brain could process the ridiculous sight you’d witnessed they’d changed back…naked! Thankfully they were behind the island.  They told you the dog that scratched you was a werewolf and all the pain and issues were due to you turning and your body preparing for the first full moon.

“Y/N slow down!” Jimin pleaded. You ignored him.

And on top of all that, Yoongi admitted that as soon as he realised he sent Jimin in your path to keep an eye on you and make sure you was okay. The betrayal from both these boys was painful you couldn’t decide if you wanted to slap them both or not.

“No, what makes you even think you can come with me? Everything was a lie” you spat.

“No it wasn’t” He defended

“You heard Yoongi when he’d smelt we’d slept together, he scolded the shit out of shit me! Surely that proves that wasn’t what I was told” You’d stopped stomping away, his eyes were glistening under the moisture collecting in them

He was right, but none the less you were still furious at him and at Yoongi. You had about two weeks to get your head round this shit before you had to shift. On full moons werewolves have to turn, no choice whatsoever. After your first transition you can then elect to turn into a wolf at will at any other time of the month…apparently.

“Well why did you do it then, if Yoongi had told you specifically not to then?” He tried to bridge the gap between you, offering you hand. All he got in response with a glare.

“I just couldn’t help it, you’re just incredible!.

We couldn’t help it! You corrected in your head

“I think we’re essences” You met his comment with a blank look, arms folded waiting for an explanation.

“It’s like an animaly thing” he explained

“It’s pheromones, but werewolf specific ones. It’s not super common really, when two werewolves have pheromones that … bounce off each other I guess, It amplifies attraction exponentially. Hence why we literally can’t help it, our primal senses are essentially pulling us together” Your shoulders dropped, arms unfolded and went to your hips. His face contorted in apology.

“So what you’re saying is this” you waved to the pair of you back and forth

“Is made up and chemical?” shrouding your disappointed from your tone. He eyes widening, filling with panic

“What? No no, I mean well kinda. For the whole matching pheromone thing to actually work and kind of activate there has to be an attraction already. So it just kind of amplifies It I guess? Yoongi tried to explain it to me once and I was way to out of it to take it all in”

You couldn’t bare the pained expression which was slowly spreading on his face, this guy was a good one despite how much right now you wish he wasn’t

You’d calmed enough to accept Jimin as you allowed yourself into the pull of the embrace. Now the tears fell, down your cheeks and onto his shoulder. You nudged your head into his neck and let the rage filter out until there were just sobs of fear and overwhelm. One hand stroking the back of your neck, the holding firm at your lower back. His scent tranquil, steadying your panicking system, slowing down your manic mind.

“Am I going to be okay?” you sobbed, bleary eyed looking for his for comfort again and again.

His smile was relieved if it was anything and leaned back away from you slightly, sweeping the strands of hair from your face.

“Of course, you’re with us now. We won’t let anything bad happen to you. We look out for our own”

“What if I hurt somebody? Will I remember? I don’t want to hurt anyone”

“You won’t, not with us. On full moons we remember very little it’s more like a red mist clouds your mind” You panicked

Not helping!

“But…Yoongi is a good alpha and makes sure that we are all secure and can’t get out and hurt anyone. When we turn, when we chose to we remember and have full control of ourselves it’s just the one night”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“To be honest he should have but I think he was just in denial and upset about it seeing as you were friends” You both started walking together in the direction of your halls, even in the state you was and as angry as you were you still wanted him with you.

“Wait is JK a…?” the words flooded out

“No no, he has no idea either and that’s how Yoongi wants it”

“So who turned me then? It must have been one of you guys right?” he stopped, hesitant, collecting his words before continuing his delicate steps.

“No… It was another wolf from another pack” The pair of you finally reached the park, the other side was the campus and your bed! You took his hand earning a small relieved smile.

“Why say it like that?”

“They’re kind of dicks, and they certainly don’t have any care in the world about chaining themselves up or hurting people”

“Oh… I won’t turn out like that though will I?” this time you were the one that stopped walking.

“No” he chuckled.

“I’m sure they were assholes before they were turned, it’s just that it’s a bit risky our pack taking you in as our own”

“Oh?”

“It’s just a weird pack thing, essentially we’ve nicked one of their babies and that generally is frowned upon even in the wolf world”

“But they just attacked and left me?” You could feel a lump form in your throat, now feeling like a huge burden.

“I know, I know this is where the whole they are a group of dicks comes into it. Please don’t worry about it, that’s for Yoongi to deal with not you. They probably don’t even know what happened that night. Come on let’s get you home” His hand escaped yours and pulled you close to him, arm draped over your shoulder.

“Can you stay?” you asked with a weak saccharine smile.

“If you promise to not cry again tonight” he offered.

“I think I can manage that”

 Day 28 – Day of the full moon.

Your concentration was non-existent in your first lecture, your insides felt like they were crawling; a constant itch that couldn’t be scratched. You were irritable as fuck. You didn’t make it to your second lecture. You were opting for your room with closed curtains, imagining the quiet solitude on your way from campus. The quiet of your thoughts were quickly consumed by the smell which certainly never meant any quiet.

“Are you stalking me now Mr Park?” You turned knowing from the strength of the scent exactly where he was. Sweat covered, dark hair clinging to his forehead. The glistening muscles hidden poorly by the loose low vest top, you could even make out his v lines sat above his shorts through his damp shirt. His hands trailed through his hair pushing it back off of his forehead.

“No” he denied out of breath

“I knew what time your lecture finished and so timed my run around it” he explained.

“So you timed your run so you could see me come out of my lecture? Sounds like stalking to me”

He responded with a strong punch to your arm.

“Would you rather have someone else stalk you?” he queried hooking one arm over your shoulder, one of your hands held onto that hand and as you both walked together in perfect sync.

“And I came because I want to know how you are? Full moon day is never a good day, especially when it’s your first”

“I’m going insane, feels like I’ve got all this energy, my skins crawling. The smallest thing agitates the fuck out of me” He squeezed your hand noticeably harder.

“Why do you think the rest of us do nothing, I can’t believe you didn’t listen to me and went to class in the first place. Want my advice?” You stared back at him knowing full well he was going to give it to you anyway.

“Running, It takes the edge off trust me” resolute in his words.

“I hate running, I’m not fit enough” you complained.

“Well have you tried since you were bitten? You’ll have incredible stamina now and you’ll probably enjoy it”

“I think I’ll pass today, I’m feeling way too irritated for that. What time do we have to meet the others?”

“Half six so we’ve got a few hours, don’t panic. In fact I think there’s a few things we could do that might help relax you” You didn’t need to ask what they were. He’d pushed you up against a tree, lips dancing heated with yours, his hands already tugging your blouse out of waistband in pursuit of skin. With him nuzzled at you neck kissing and nipping at your favourite points earning him gasps from your lips. Your eyes nervously scanning the park around you. The path you’d just been pushed off was under two rows of high trees in bright green bloom. No one was around. Every touch of his lips or his skin on yours was more electric than normal, every sensation amplified; the pool of warmth between your legs desperately having your core already gagging for attention.

“Jimin…please…take me home” you whined, you needed him so fucking bad. He groaned at your neck coming up to meet your gaze, the animalistic yellow flakes burning hot around the coffee brown circles.

“Your body is telling me you want me now” a surprised squeal and moan flew past your lips as his hand had flew up underneath your denim skirt and circled at your already engorged bud as well as gliding his hands through your arousal. You grabbed his wrist to stop him, pulse surging with a chimera of fear and pleasure.

“No one’s here” he reassured

“And I’ll hear if anyone’s coming. Remember, super hearing!” he doubly reassured. You too had the enhanced hearing and apparently you were not used to using it to your advantage. Your grip on his wrist faltered opting instead to hurriedly to grip at his shirt, refusing him to be anywhere but against you. The rays of the afternoon sun were bleeding in through the gaps in through the trees, illuminating just how exposed you really were. It was exciting.

“I had no idea you were so filthy” the words were breathed so close to your lips, his finger teasing at your entrance thumb gently swiping at your clit.

“Shut up!” you snapped

“Just fuck me already” you ordered, your hands aiming for his member underneath his shorts. He stopped you. Instead dropping to the floor ghosting his hands up either side of your leg, your eyes hungry, fixed on the devil smirk that wasn’t in his lip bite. Your hands interlinked behind your neck growing more warm.

Hitching up your skirt only to pull your red lace thong down getting ruffled in the bark at your feet.

“You’re seriously not going to go down on me in a park”

“Am I not?” Eyes glistening with satisfaction, the smell of your arousal clouding every bit of judgement he had. His eyes were quickly filling with unbridled lust. You didn’t even get a chance to reply, leg hitched over his shoulder. Your head rolled back into the tree

“Ow! Uhh!”  Jimins mouth attached to you licking your folds stopped and gazed up at you as you rubbed your head where it stung.

“You okay?” his chin already glistening.

“Yeah, please…carry on” he chuckled and planted his face back in between your thighs. One hand secured to your hips the other etching dangerously closer your entrance. One of your hands was failing to grip across the rough bark, the other tangled in his hair.

//

“You better cum for me again baby” Jimin urged gently placing your leg back to the ground. He grabbed your chin forcing you into a kiss, not caring you could taste your own cum on his lips.

“What here?” the panic seeping back into the bottom of your stomach scraping more at the fear of being so open and exposed.. He paused eyes looking left utilising his enhanced hearing, checking for any approaching people..

“What? You’ve already just done it once. We better be quick” shoving you around and your chest into the tree. He yanked your hips back; kicked your legs apart already taking himself out of his shorts.

“Don’t think that will be a… uughh” Jimin easily pressed into you

“Problem”

“Good…fuck I’ll never get bored of how good you feel” he praised commencing the bucking of his hips. His hands slid and trickled up your arms to cup around your balled up fists; hips thrusting stronger reaching that velvet patch inside you. You un-clenched your fist allowing your fingers to cross with his.

“You better cum quick beautiful someone’s coming” he stuttered in your ear. Oddly, the heightened risk of your exposure had you clenching around him

“Pleeaasee… keep doing that” he pleaded with desperation against your neck. The conscious intermittent tensing of your core had the muscles holding more pleasure each time.

Desperate relieved climaxes ravaged the pair of you; he left no time for you to enjoy the come down leaving you. Apparently there was no time to recover your underwear from the floor as he sorted himself out. You swept your hair hurriedly over your right shoulder; Jimin lost control and managed to clamp his mouth down hard at where your shoulder and neck met. It being ‘that’ time of the month his teeth were sharper; you’d been left with a nearly full mouth bite on your skin, tiny dots of blood had started emerging through bits of the red mark

“It’s not enough is it” he asked in breathy recovery.

“No” annoyed at the satisfaction that you was yet to feel. Hungry smirk on his face, his normal coffee coloured eyes melted into a boiling swirl of chocolate.

“Welcome to full moon day” he grabbed your hand and started walking with you; leaves and twigs crinkling under you. A person entered the woodland tree cove glancing your way mildly puzzled why you weren’t walking on the path.

“I’ll be fucking you again before my cum’s even finished leaking out of you” As sexy as his words were it was going to be an uncomfortable rushed walk to your dorm.

//

Apparently he didn’t want to wait the distance to your dorm so he directed you to his. His living space passed you in a flash before you shoved him onto his bed; he stripped himself as you went to his bottom draw.

“Will this be enough?” enquiring holding the short handled flogger and pinwheel in your hand.

“Better see if it is” he challenged. You rushed off your clothes in an impatient flurry

“Please ….” His impatiently fuelled whine escaped as you straddled him. Your needs mirrored his but you was slightly in more control this time round.

“I’m not ready yet “you lied, and he knew it.

His chest blooming red in strips where the leather had struck.

“Harder” you granted his request putting more weight into the pin wheel on his chest, pricks of blood bubbling up from the tiny holes.

You couldn’t explain it, everything you felt was intensified today, yet you feel you needed to max out your tolerance which was apparently infinite today. You assumed it was the same for him. The throbbing in between your legs became unbearable, a screaming siren refusing to be silenced.

“How about now, I’m begging you”

“Is that really begging though? I can’t even tell how much I need to hear you whine for me. I need to feel you so bad. Maybe I should just get myself off to watch you squirm” you rocked your hips so his member could feel just how bad.

“Noooo, I can’t, come on that’s not fair, you’re feeling what I’m feeling right now. Please let me fuck you, I want you shouting my name, I want your muscles to ache, I need you quivering around me while I fill you up”

“Mmmm much better” kissing him harshly while you let him flip you on your back.

“I’ve never wanted to beg for anyone before, you’re just on another level”

“I’ve never let anyone have control before, you’re just too intoxicat…” The pleasure of him pushing into your shocked your system, you’d never felt anything like it, you were almost worried how much your climax was going to ruin you. If it was going to be like this every full moon the fact your life had been turned on its head it was worth it and you’d even look forward to it.

“Jesus, I’m going to be waiting for the full moon so much, this is incredible” his head dropped. The dark hair hanging shading his face as he needed a moment.

I swear he’s reading my mind

“I’ve got to go slow otherwise I might explode” he breathed in between a sloppy kiss at your mouth

“Agreed” his hips rocked in even bucks leaving him fully inside you for a perfect second before painfully slowly leaving you; tip hovering at your entrance. The slow build up was blissfully exhausting. Muscles already struggling to hold the tension. His chest flush to you; a thin layer moisture starting to permeate from the contact; him being overwhelmed rendering his arms incapable of supporting. All of his energy focused onto not losing control. His palm spreading across the bottom of your cheek and neck. The only support he could manage was on his forearm pushing into the mattress. Head nuzzled in your neck; he couldn’t get enough of your scent. Every time you fucked, his head already gets drawn there; like a bee to the most delicious pollen.

Fingertips digging into his lower waist; a wasted attempt at diffusing the painful tension building in your core.

Out of nowhere his hips stuttered, teeth latching onto your already sore neck. You didn’t think you were ready but the deepness of his moan; so deep and melodic sent you spiralling over the edge. Your climax ravaged your system for what felt like ages; to the point you couldn’t take it. Like you had a choice at this point; your spasming muscles swept your body into a tsunami of feeling; washing all strength from you.

What weight wasn’t on you was now dropped onto you. Heavy pants permeated into the room.

With him still inside you and the pressure against your clit was feeding your aftershocks; you knew he’d picked up on this when he’d starting moving in gentle circles. The sensitivity was too much!

“Alright! No more please” you pleaded, he obliged rolling over next to you exhaling a chuckle

“Well that was… intense” you finally managed.

“I can’t even right now, I’ve never experienced something so damn euphoric” You knew it was mostly down to you being essences or whatever but you still took it as compliment for the sake of your ego.

“Shit!” you exclaimed when you clocked the time on your phone. Shooting out of bed rummaging everywhere retrieving your clothes. Jimin equally panic stricken, the last thing he wanted for your first change was to not be in a secure environment. You wouldn’t cope with not knowing if you’d hurt anything or anybody.

Your legs ached and burned by the time you’d power walked to Yoongi’s second house, yes second!

The basement was a hive of activity. You’d been shocked to learn Hoseok and Laura were also of the wolfy nature. It did kind of baffle you how a dance and Virology major became such good friends.  All of the guys had welcomed you and bonded to you as one of their own. Yoongi’s shoulders relaxed when his eyes finally reached you.

“You guys reek of sex” You was unsure if this was a casual scold or an amused statement, his stoic face gave nothing away. The others chuckled

At least they have a filter to not say anything, avoiding you the awkwardness of the blood rushing to your cheeks. The clank of the metal gates rattled through your sensitive ears as they were shut. Each caged now occupied by a person slowly undressing.

“It saves the clothes” Jimin explained without prompting; he was shoving the bag with your clean stuff into a metal grey cabinet at the far end of the cage. Any oxytocin racing your system was purged and replaced regretfully with adrenaline. Your heart rate raced with fear slowly filling your eyes.

“You’ll be fine Y/N” Hoseok called.

“It will be morning before you know it” Yoongi added placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You leapt into his arms and squeezed him tight; when you felt a squeeze back he pulled back.

“Go on” he prompted.

“You’ll be with Jimin, you’’ll be fine, he’s probably the sweetest natured out of all of us” You offered a weak smile, any confidence drained. Jimin took your hand and lead you into your confinement. He shut the door reaching through the bars and turned the key and left it in the lock.

“Shouldn’t we take it out?”

“Wolves don’t tend to have thumbs, we’ll be secure I promise” He tried to keep his response as sincere as possible but a definite smirk leaked through; corrupting his lips.

“Hey I’m new to this!” you complained. He motioned his fingers beckoning you to him, you really wanted to pout and refuse but your body beat you to it carrying you to him. His hand sloped at your cheeks

“I know, I’m sorry. Do you want me to chain you up?”

“I got it” you confirmed slipping out of your jeans and jumper. Your eyes were scatty, no one but Jimin could see you exposed but being in such an open space still made you slightly uncomfortable. The nippy draught instantly dragged goose-bumps onto your skin; covering you.

“Wish you were chained up under better circumstances” He clinked the heavy shackles shut round his ankles, he sat knees up leaning against the wall in nothing but his boxers staring up at the ceiling.

“Wish you realised when to be more appropriate” You teased back, not fully against the idea he suggested.

“You’d hate that”

“I suppose that’s true” you confessed sliding down to the floor in your underwear

“You’ll lose them” he pointed directly at you, you followed his finger direction as best you could; assuming he meant your underwear.

“I’d rather lose one set a month than sit in cage completely naked”

He held his hand up in defeat agreeing with you.

“What happens now?”

“We just wait, you’ll probably turn first seeing as you…”

Every nerve you had burst into flames, ricocheting through all your muscles as the shift took hold of you.

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hey! I saw your blog today and I love it very much!! I see you're an open person so, I also have a question: HOW does one survive studying japanese at uni?? I'm in my first year and only my second (online haha) semester and we started out with Minna no nihongo 1 but we're supposed to finish Minna 2 by the end of this semester, same with Basic Kanji book 1 in the first sem and now Basic Kanji Book 2, all while also learning mostly of Japan's history and others in this semester. Exams will kill me

Hello! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I am open to a fault lol. Let me recount my meandering journey through uni, illustrating my feelings through gifs of Noel Fielding because he is my celebrity crush.

Uni is such a difficult time for so many people, trying to figure out who you are now and who you want to be later. It wasn’t until my senior year that I realized what I wanted to do. I started writing out my university experience and it got super long, so allow me to just summarize my “Lessons Learned” here and you can read the rest if you want to know all the dirty deets lol. I double-majored in Japanese and English, so I think that my experience can perhaps be useful to people who are majoring in things other than Japanese as well. 

Hard-Learned Lessons from Uni

Do not choose a course of study because it is “practical.” Choose it because it is something you love. Seriously. Nothing is more important than this point. Do not choose a major because “I’ll make a lot of money” or “My parents are telling me this is good for me.” 

If you are learning multiple languages at once, you must give your brain time to organize what you learned from one language lesson before moving on to the next. You can do this by waiting a couple hours between lessons, getting up and walking around, studying one language in different space from the other, etc. Otherwise, it all becomes a terrible mess in your head.

It’s okay not to know what you want your career to be. It’s okay not to have a specific plan. Life works out one way or the other.

I know how expensive uni can be. (It’s been six years since I graduated and I’m still making hefty loan payments.) But don’t feel like you have to take a full courseload every single semester and graduated asap, particularly if the classes are hard and/or you are working. I took the maximum credit hours allowed every semester on top of working RIDICULOUS hours and it nearly killed me at one point. I’m not kidding. 

It is not unusual to have an identity crisis and/or mental breakdown. Take care of yourself. Know when you are nearing breaking point. Seek out the help of professionals. Most universities have psychiatrists and therapists that will see you very cheaply. 

Surround yourself with good people and look out for each other. 

Do not rely on substances to ease your suffering because sometimes the remedy becomes the malady. Not saying you should avoid all parties or anything square like that, but just don’t be one of those people that parties every night and gets in over their head. 

Let me preface this by stating that I’m an American, and our universities are stupid because they force us to take a ton of “general education” courses that are irrelevant to our majors, and many students spend their first couple years taking only a couple courses related to their majors and minors, and try to focus on getting those stupid gen eds out of the way. 

Year 1: Oh Shit, This Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I come from a town of less than 2600 people. Our high school prepared its students for the following career paths:

joining the military (boys only)

becoming a farmer (boys only)

welding, carpentry, or other practical jobs (boys only)

becoming a housewife (girls only)

So basically I coasted through high school never having to study anything because it was one great big joke, only I thought I was like super duper smart because I was in the top five of my graduating class of 48. LOLLLLLLLLL

I entered university as a German major, Japanese minor. (Japanese was not offered as a major at my uni). I had never studied German previously, but I studied Spanish and French in high school and I just had this feeling that German and Japanese were the languages for me. 

The first semester, I had Japanese 101 and German 101 back to back, in the EXACT SAME CLASSROOM. I can’t stress enough how much of a mindfuck it was to go from thinking about Japanese for 50 minutes, having a 10 minute break, and then trying to switch your brain to German. IN THE SAME ROOM. It actually gave me headaches to try and make that mental jump. Managed to pull through the year with A’s in both, but German was much more of a challenge to me than Japanese. Which was really unexpected. 

I also flunked several gen eds because I didn’t give a shit about them and skipped them and got placed on academic probation and was nearly kicked out of uni because of my poor grades

Basically, I was such a weeb that I had watched enough anime with subtitles and sung along to enough anime songs that I had absorbed about 90% of the first year’s worth of Japanese vocab and grammar through osmosis. I really did have the power of God and anime on my side.

Year 2: The Year of the Mid-Midlife Crisis and Mental Breakdown

There really is no gif that will encapsulate the level of turmoil I went through that year. I looked really hard for one, trust me.

It became apparent very quickly that I could not keep up with German. I ended up dropping it early in the first semester, which meant I had to choose a new major. Thinking of what would be practical to pair with a Japanese minor, I went for International Business for a semester, took Accounting, and realized that I HATE The Man, corporate bullshit, and also numbers as a concept.

All I knew at this point was that I liked Japanese but couldn’t make it a major. I also knew I didn’t want to transfer universities. So I kept taking gen eds, just barely passing them because to this day I cannot bring myself to put effort into something I do not care about, and also taking more classes related to my Japanese minor. It was the Japanese classes that saved my GPA and kept me from getting kicked out of uni.

At the same time, I took a creative writing course because that’s been a hobby of mine since elementary school, and I kinda thought about an English major, but then was like, “Eww I don’t wanna be forced to read books I don’t give a shit about. And also, what will I do with that degree?”

Also, at the same time, I was working full time, and often getting stuck working from 2 pm to 7 am (Yes, 15-hour shifts, because the overnight dude would call in sick last minute and I’d be begged to cover his shift), and then dragging myself to classes and drooling on the desks because I’d fall asleep.

Also also, I started to have possible hallucinations? To this day I don’t know what was going on, but either I was legitimately going crazy, or there was a demon following me around and being quite rude to me, making light fixtures fall and shatter inches from my head, throwing papers around my room, opening and closing doors, turning lights off and on, coming to me in dreams and doing some really, really traumatic things to me in them, and just standing in corners staring at me at all hours of the night. Had me so scared that towards the end of the school year I was waiting to sleep until sunrise, when it would go away. And no, I was not using any mind-altering substances of any sort. Not even going out and getting drunk. 

So, yeah. Year Two was a hard one that I can’t believe I pushed through. Probably the darkest year of my life, I’d say. What got me through it? An unhealthy amount of energy drinks, friends, and my love of Japanese. Also Aerosmith.

Do I still see that demon? No. He vanished when the school year ended and I moved out of the dorms. Do I believe in the supernatural? Yes, to an extent. Do I think that what I was seeing was actually a demon? I honestly don’t know. I have had actual supernatural experiences verified by multiple witnesses, and a few years before Year 2, several friends and myself had seen an entity similar to what was following me around. But this one in Year 2 only did things when I was alone. So it could have all been in my head, and I will never know. 

Since then, I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and also a form of insomnia that keeps me from sleeping through the night, and I know that my anxiety manifests itself in psychosomatic ways. In other words, my mind will take my anxiety and turn it into a physical symptom that feels real in every way, but is actually not occurring. So far it’s manifested as: sensitivity to sunlight, the symptoms of a stroke or heart attack, half of my face going numb, and headaches in my left eye. Once I realize that the symptom is just my anxiety, I can force myself to ignore and overcome it. But then my anxiety finds a new form to manifest, and the cycle repeats a few months later. It could be that my stress caused me to see this demon for a while.

Should I have consulted a psychiatrist and gotten help? YEP. If you find yourself struggling like that, seek help please. 💕

Year 3: Adrift But Afloat

I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with my best friend, a Japanese girl I met in the dorms freshman year. I will call her Setsuko. Setsuko is basically the reason I graduated uni. She memorized my class schedules and took copies of exam dates, woke me up, forced me to go classes instead of skipping, forced me to go to the library and study with her, and cooked me dinner most days since she didn’t have to work like I did. I can’t express enough how much she did to improve my life outside of school and work, and how much that improved my mental health. She also acclimated me to lots of subtle things about Japanese culture just by living with her, and this helped me later when I moved to Japan. Thank you, Setsuko. 一生の恩人。

I was still doing those bullshit 15-hour overnight shifts way more than I should have, and also had the maximum courseload.

The Japanese classes got a lot more difficult in Year 3. But I loved them. They were the only classes I never skipped. I took more classes towards the minor like Buddhist Philosophy and Japanese History, which I really enjoyed. While polishing off more gen eds, I thought over what to do with my major. 

My family and friends all told me that I should become an English teacher. I had always been good at words and at explaining things. But I didn’t really like the idea of being a high school teacher. I became an English major, though, because I knew that I didn’t hate English. Took grammar classes and HOLY SHIT did I hit my stride.

I realized that I didn’t like English lit. I liked linguistics. So I focused heavily on all grammar and linguistics courses, taking the bare minimum of literature courses required for the major. My GPA improved substantially. 

Yet I still was consumed with this nagging fear. It was Year 3 and I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do when I graduated.

Year 4: Clarity At The 11th Hour

Urged on by my “Don’t you dare get one of those stupid arts degrees that won’t get you a paycheck” parents, I decided that the most “practical” degree would not be “English,” but “English Education.” I began taking the English Ed classes with linguistics, grammar, and second language acquisition classes. The goal was to become a qualified English high school teacher who could also do ESL (since I had Spanish and Japanese under my belt more or less). 

At the same time, I entered into Independent Study for Japanese with two other students. We were tasked with reading Izu no Odoriko, a classic short story. Independent study was its own beast. It required a lot more concentration and work on my part, obviously. But because Japanese was my first and foremost passion, I centered my efforts on those courses, and then on the others.

The process of getting certified to be an English teacher was lengthy and expensive in my state. This meant my graduation would be further prolonged, and I was worried about money, because I was already about $50,000 in debt at the time, despite working those fucking overnight shifts all the time that were eating me alive.

Then, during the summer vacation when my 4th year ended, I got a scholarship and went to Japan to study abroad. Education majors had the option to study abroad in several countries, and as luck would have it, one of them was Japan, and it was Setsuko’s HOMETOWN! The study abroad program itself was the first month of summer vacation, and Setsuko said, “Okay, just come stay at my house for the rest of summer vacation!”

Never have I said “yes” quicker in my entire life.

On the train headed from Sapporo to the town where I would be actually staying during my studies, I looked at the lush rice paddies and mountains in the distance and my entire heart just hummed with this “This is where you’re meant to be.” I knew then and there that I would move to Japan upon graduation.

What would I do there? Well, teach English, obviously.

My three months in Japan effectively aligned my entire life. My path had materialized before me. It was a roughly hacked, hard-to-see path through thick underbrush, but I could see it nonetheless. 

Year 5: Let’s Hurry It Up, I’m Ready To Live

Come Year 5, all of my Japanese classmates that had been with me since freshman year were gone and I was alone. My professor taught me Classical Japanese through independent study, and it was the must grueling course I took my entire five years there. But I found it invaluable and am eternally grateful to him for teaching me, because you see Classical Japanese a lot more than you’d think you would in everyday life. Particularly in formal settings. 

I still wanted to get certified to teach English in American high schools, because while I knew I wanted to go to Japan for now, I didn’t know if I wanted to spend my entire life there and I wanted a solid job opportunity when I came back to the states at some point.

However, the more education courses I took, the more I saw that the American education system was just as full of red-tape and The Man’s bullshit as corporate America, something else I rebuke with every fiber of my being. I also realized I’d need to take a 6th year of university, and that just wasn’t financially feasible for me. So I switched to a plain old English major with a heavy focus on linguistics and second language acquisition, and continued classical Japanese. 

I took the remaining 3 gen eds online in the summer, graduated, popped up to Chicago to do a month-long intensive course to get the CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages issued by Cambridge.) It’s the most widely accepted and revered certification for teaching English as a foreign language.

So in the span of five years, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a focus in linguistics and SLA, and what is technically a major in Japanese Studies. 40 credit hours were required for a major, and I completed 42 credit hours tied to my minor, so while it isn’t listed on my diploma as a major, I did the coursework. I also got a CELTA Pass B, which only 20% of applicants achieve and never expires. The grand total for all of this was roughly $100,000 USD in loans.

Post-Graduation

The week I came back to my hometown from Chicago with my CELTA in hand, I packed my suitcases, threw a going-away party, and then flew to Sapporo, where I began my first job after uni, teaching English to children aged 0-18 at a private English conversation school. I did that for three years before changing careers and becoming a Japanese-English translator/interpreter for a global company. 

So how useful have my choices during university proven to be?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that studying Japanese helps me tons with translating Japanese to English or living in Japan lol

Studying English grammar, linguistics, sociolinguistics, and second language acquisition has allowed me to recognize minute nuances that can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful business negotiation when interpretation is necessary.

My background in education also means that I know how to present information clearly, concisely, and in a way that engages the audience. I am known as “The PowerPoint Pro” at work lol. 

I also have a keen eye for performance evaluation, behavior analysis, and improvement action plans. 

I offered English conversation lessons to coworkers for over a year, and now that is being done in other branches across the company! (Well, they were before COVID haha.) 

I DO NOT RECOMMEND WORKING THE HOURS I WORKED WHILE IN SCHOOL. My grades suffered and I wish I had worked less and focused more on classes. However, by working 15-hour shifts and doing full days of classes, I developed a very good tolerance for overtime, which comes in handy in the Japanese workplace. Just last month I had three 15 hour days in the same week. Sweet, sweet overtime pay. 

All of these facets have culminated in me earning a pretty nice promotion to 正社員 seishain back in February, which means I get nice benefits and basically my job is guaranteed until I die or the company goes under.

Should I decide to return to America someday, I will probably not go into the education field. Too much red tape. I will likely continue translation/interpretation for companies, because it isn’t too difficult and pays well. Though ideally I’d love to just make a living sharing cool information about Japanese and stuff, and maybe writing those stories that are bouncing around in my head when I should be working haha.

Do I think the debt is worth it?

Well, I don’t think I had any other option than to take out those loans. I didn’t have the means to learn the things I wanted to learn unless I went to university. 

Unless Japanese work visa requirements have changed, you are required to have a bachelor’s degree in order to obtain my sub-type of work-visa, so I needed a degree of some kind no matter what. 

Frankly, if I hadn’t gone to that university and met my best friend Setsuko, I don’t think I’d be where I am right now, living the life I am now. So just having met her is worth any price to me. 

Paying off all the loans is daunting, especially when yen is weak to the dollar. There were months I had to ask my parents for help, especially early on. But now I’ve got multiple loans paid off, my salary has increased, and the “omg i have money and no supervision so I can buy whatever I want” idiocy has mostly gone away. But I did get a super sweet pair of blindingly silver Converses a couple days ago that I definitely didn’t need

Do I have any regrets regarding my time at university?

I still regret dropping Old English for a stupid English Ed class. Seriously, how cool would that have been? But I still have the textbook, workbook, and I contacted the professor last week and she was kind enough to send me a syllabus. God bless her. So now I’m working on that bit by bit, which is fun.

I wish I hadn’t been such a cocky, naive idiot my first year. Thinking I could just “show up for tests” was the stupidest thing. It messed up my GPA, and my parents forbade me from retaking classes so I couldn’t go back and fix my mistakes. I think I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA out of 4, but my English major GPA was 3.9 and my Japanese GPA was 4.0. So it’s pretty frustrating to have those gen eds and my dumbfuckery mar my transcript like that.

I really didn’t party at all. Most all of my friends were straight-laced Japanese exchange students, and I was also working ridiculous hours so I just didn’t really have the time. A part of me feels like I missed out on that part of the college experience.

Recently I’ve been putting more effort into improving my creative writing by reading a lot of books on the subject. Not a small part of me wishes that I had gone with a Creative Writing major instead of English major, because I still would have studied all the grammar and linguistics. Then again, I do believe that creative writing can be self-taught.

I wish I hadn’t worked as much as I did. There were a lot of times I couldn’t complete assignments or I missed lectures because I was just so drained. It wasn’t even good money.

Well...I did not intend for this post to become as long as it has. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment with nothing but two goldfish for company for over a month now and I think I’m a bit stir-crazy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who bothered to read all of this and become my therapist for a bit haha. Love you all. Stay safe and well. 💖

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 3

aka Caleo uni AU

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Calypso gets a new friend and notices that maybe her flatmate isn't that bad after all.

A/N: Time to introduce Annabeth! I will slowly be adding more of the familiar characters, in the next chapter there will be more (but who, may that remain a secret for another week).

As usual, thanks to my friend Cris for betaing! And thanks to everyone who's been commenting, know that your comments really have motivated me to continue this fic! Please keep them coming :)

And now, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Leo, Annabeth

Words: 1300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort (in the future chapters)

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

It was the morning of Calypso’s first day at the university. The first week would mostly be orientation, meaning getting to know her fellow students, the professors, the campus, her program and so on a bit better. She was feeling quite nervous because aside from Leo she hadn’t really met other students living in the area yet, and if she was honest with herself, her friend making skills weren’t the best. Due to the circumstances at her home, she had never had a close friend, and her relationships tended to end after a couple of months for various reasons. But this was finally a good chance to find other people interested in the same topics as she was, and she didn’t want to blow it up.

As she was making herself breakfast, her roommate showed up and sat down on a chair next to her, leaning his chin against the backrest. His fingers were tapping against the hard wood of the table like Calypso had already seen them do a few times in the past few days. The boy never seemed to be able to sit still.

“First day in this university, huh?” Leo asked. “You nervous?”

“What do you want?” Calypso asked suspiciously, not answering his question. She wasn’t feeling like opening up about her nervousness to this boy who for some reason made her feel even more restless. It was almost as if his nervous energy was contagious.

“Listen,” Leo started, now looking at her directly and stopping the tapping for a moment. “I know we haven’t exactly started off great, but we’re still going to be living together for a while so I thought we should at least be even. So. I fixed your desk.”

“I don’t want to owe you anything,” Calypso said matter-of-factly.

“You’re not owing me!” Leo exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air for a bigger impact. “I… well, Festus, but it was my fault… broke it so I thought it was the appropriate thing to do. But if you are too proud to…” His voice started to rise a bit. He had not expected Calypso to be that stubborn.

“Okay,” she said, putting her hand on his shoulder briefly to stop his rambling. “I’ll accept it. Thanks. I guess.”

“Not exactly the reaction I was expecting but I’ll accept it,” he mocked her tone and earned an angry look from Calypso. “I was hoping for something more like ‘thank you so much, my favorite roomie, you’re the best!’” To avoid another lash from her, he quickly changed the subject: “Anyway, I also wanted to tell you that we should probably take weekly turns with cleaning the common area, like I did with Jason. I can take this week if you want to.”

“No, I can take it.” Calypso said with a tone that meant this won’t be discussed further.

“Is there anything you can’t make an argument about, Miss Sunshine?” Leo stared at her with frustration while his hands were reaching for the chips from a bag he had left on the dining table the other day.

“You make it rather easy, Valdez. Also, who eats chips for breakfast?” She shook her head with disapproval. “Manners,” she mumbled under her breath before turning to put the milk back into the fridge. “Now, I’d like to finish my breakfast so if you excuse me…”

She took her bowl of cereals and an orange with her into her room and closed the door behind her.

…

“Don’t forget to get your books for next week, we’re already going to start with…” A professor announced at the end of his long lecture. The rest of his speech was drowned by the sound of the students starting to get up and collect their stuff to leave the class.

“When I signed up for this, I was not expecting them to have full blown lectures on the first day,” a blonde girl behind Calypso noted. Unlike Calypso, who felt overwhelmed by the amount of information she had just received, the other girl seemed almost bored as if she already knew everything they had been told.

“Yeah, me neither,” Calypso admitted, realizing that the girl was talking to her. “But I guess that’s university for you…”

“Right,” the blonde agreed. “Anyway, what’s your name? I don’t know anyone in this group yet but I’d like to change that.”

“Oh! I’m Calypso. Calypso Astal,” she gave the girl her hand to shake. “You can call me Cal, though…”

The other girl took it and shook it firmly. “Annabeth Chase. I’m actually an architect student but I’m also interested in history so I decided to make it my minor subject. I guess that means I’ll be seeing you a lot this semester!”

“Oh, that’s cool!” Calypso exclaimed. “I like drawing too but I doubt I would actually be good enough to design buildings.”

“There’s a lot that you need to take into account when designing,” Annabeth agreed, “but practice makes perfect.” As the girls passed a window that showed them the beautiful old main building of their university, she gestured at it and added: “One day I’d love to design something that will make people stop and say ‘hey, did you know this building was designed by none other than Annabeth Chase?’”

“To be honest, I haven’t thought that far,” Calypso admitted. “This is all still so new to me, I’ve been…” She decided she didn’t want to reveal her home circumstances to someone she had just met so she changed her approach: “well, there’s a lot I still want to experience so I have not devoted myself to just one path yet. I came here because I needed to get away, and history was an easy choice because I’ve always been interested in it. I still don’t picture myself researching the past events for the rest of my life.”

Annabeth nodded understandingly. “I think a lot of people of our age feel that way. My boyfriend… Well, now he’s having a swimming career but we both know that isn’t gonna last forever so I’ve been trying to get him to think of other possibilities for when he no longer feels the passion for competing. But he doesn’t see it the same way, he says I always plan too much ahead. Which I guess may be partially true,” she chuckled and rubbed the back of her head awkwardly, feeling she may have revealed a bit too much.

“Yeah. I like to go with a similar ‘go with the flow’ attitude as well.” In her head Calypso added: ‘because of what happened at home’.

“Anyway,” Annabeth decided to change the topic when she noticed Calypso had gone quiet. “This is a bit of a random question, but are you familiar with this town yet?”

“No, not yet.” Calypso shook her head. “I moved here only a week ago.”

“In that case, would you like me to show around some day?” Annabeth asked, opening her phone calendar. “I’d have time for example tomorrow.”

“Oh, sure, that would be great!” Calypso said. “Definitely beats listening to my roommate’s tinkering all day long.”

“Tinkering? You wouldn’t happen to be flatmates with Leo Valdez?” Annabeth connected the dots. The campus wasn’t that big and he had heard some stories through her boyfriend about one very enthusiastic mechanic.

“Unfortunately, I am. How did you know?” Calypso asked curiously.

“Oh, he has a bit of a reputation here,” Annabeth said mischievously. When Calypso looked at her suspiciously, she added: “I’m just kidding, my boyfriend is good friends with one guy named Jason who used to be Leo’s flatmate. I’ve never met him but I did keep hearing that he was constantly building something in his room. And also, Leo likes making a number of himself so he has put plenty of flashy ads on the uni bulletin boards telling about his mechanic business.”

“I guess I should have known that,” Calypso facepalmed.

“You don’t seem to like him very much, do you?” Annabeth asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Um…” Calypso wasn’t sure why she was revealing all this to a stranger, but it just felt right. “Our chemistry just… isn’t working. We’re very different and…” She tried to think of other reasons for their issues, which turned out to be harder than she expected. She realized that she didn’t really know him yet. “Uh, his dog broke my desk on the day I moved in and I’ve been mad at him ever since. He did apologize but… something about his attitude irks me. I don’t even know what it is.”

Annabeth’s mouth curled up a bit in amusement. She wanted to say that sounded a lot like her relationship with her boyfriend Percy had started. “That happens sometimes. Maybe… give him another chance, though. I mean, I don’t really know him or anything but sometimes the first impressions aren’t the best ones. You haven’t been living together for a long time yet, so there’s probably a lot you don’t know about him.”

“Yeah. You’re right. I feel kind of silly for complaining about that to a stranger. But thanks for listening!”

“No problem! Listen, I should get going now because I have a meeting with some architect friends but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah! You bet!”

The girls quickly exchanged their phone numbers before separating to their own ways. As Calypso was walking towards her flat, though, she felt a small smile spread on her face. Maybe she had just made her first friend.

..

When Calypso got inside, to her surprise she found her broken desk waiting for her near her room. Only, it wasn’t broken anymore. She had wondered where it had disappeared after the incident but hadn’t really given it too much thought considering the state of the desk, thinking that Leo might have taken it to a recycling center or something. However, it turned out he had done a lot more than that. The broken board had been replaced with a new one and he had also sandpapered the surface, painted it and varnished it so it looked better than it had looked when it was brand new. Calypso could only stare with an open mouth at the fine job he had done. Once she had finally recovered from the surprise a bit, she yelled:

“Valdez!”

“¿Sí?” he peeked from his room, not sure what to expect. To his surprise, he saw the first genuine smile he had seen on her face.

“Would you like to help me to carry this into my room?” she asked in a friendly manner, still smiling. Leo took that as a win and agreed to help.

When they were done, Calypso did another thing that surprised both herself and him: she gently touched his arm and said: “Thanks. It looks good. And I mean it.”

“Leo Valdez, always ready to help.” He made a silly bowing gesture that made Calypso snort.

“You know, maybe you’re not quite so bad after all.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time,” he said, but there were no ill feelings behind his words.

“Now go before I change my mind,” Calypso said playfully. Leo gave her his signature grin and as he left the room, he felt he had finally managed to crack her cover a bit.

[gingerbreadbooks2020]

Bookblr post #40: The End of 2020

It’s finally over. And what a year it has been. Although, given all the horrible crap that everyone’s been through, I think I’ll stick to talking about books for just a moment.

366 days ago, I set out to read 12 books. Probably a pretty average new year’s resolution, maybe I stick out a little given the stacks of unread books on my booksheld - or maybe I don’t. So, how did I do?

Well, long story short, I didn’t make it. I had the same resolution in 2019 as 2020, and neither year [if that’s an English phrase] did I make it. I’m still glad I made this blog though. It’s kept me accountable - for the most part - and being able to spend a bit of time digesting what I’ve read was quite nice too. And, along the way, we gained over 450 followers which I never expected in a million years, so thank you to everyone who followed me this year! 

I read 8 books this year. Given the fact that I didn’t even have to do my final college exams, personally it doesn’t feel too great. However, it was an improvement on the two years previous so it was worth something!

So, what did I read this year?

Well, I kick-started this blog reading The Reader by Bernhard Schlink, a reread of a book I was studying for my A-Level German course. I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again, I really enjoyed being able to read that book for my own enjoyment. If you’re into that area of history or just German history, I really recommend the read. Of course it’s not a work of non-fiction, but it’s one of those pieces which really helps you understand the feelings of the people at that time while also not betraying the interesting storyline.

My second book was The Shining by Stephen King. This was a continued read from the previous year. I’d never read a King novel before this, and horror has never been my favourite genre, be it book, film, or video game. However I really enjoyed The Shining and King’s narration and writing style. I don’t know if I;d recommend it for people like myself who’ve never read a King novel before as it is quite a long one, but it was a really good book. I found it took a little while to get into the action, so to speak, but once it did it was really worth it!

After that was a book I bought in 2020, called Faeries, Elves & Gnlins by Rosalind Kerven. This was a really fun book for me because it was just a bunch of short stories about, well, faeries, elves and goblins from Britain and the British Isles. I know many cultures have their own myths and legends, so it was nice to learn about such legends coming from tiny, unhead of towns and villages from the country I live in!

My fourth book this year was technically Macbeth... I did take a break and finish two other books in said break, but it’s next in line. I mostly wanted to read Macbeth simply because I had had to study it for my GCSE English class [which was around 3 or 4 years ago!] and simply never finished reading it. I don’t really know if I’m a Shakespeare person, maybe it’s just because it was a play which I’m not really a big fan of reading? Macbeth is a classic so I don’t think I can fault it. I guess English classes kind of ruined it for me so I can’t say it was a gripping read, but I’m not discouraging you from reading it. And honestly I’m rambling at this point so I’ll move on.

One of the books I read while on a break from Macbeth was Dad Bods by Robyn Sparkes, which is actually a story on Wattpad. I’ll be honest, I can’t really remember the whole story, although I know that I enjoyed reading it. If you’re looking for stories about a middle-aged man realising he’s gay, this is the story for you!

After that was Korean manhwa called Killing Stalking and... how do I describe Killing Stalking? I remember finding it several years ago - I was far too young to be reading it in reality - and the story wasn’t finished yet, so I just read what was there and left it, forgot it for years. Then, early summer this year, I started remembering it, went back and realised it was finished. The story is, put most simply, NSFW. Lots of warnings, I won’t lie. If you know what I mean when I say this, it basically ticks all of the AO3 archive warnings [apart from the underage one [I think!]] so obviously don’t read if those themes may upset you or disturb you. It’s definitely advertised as a psychological thriller by the creator, it’s not a romance novel or anything of the sort, please believe me when I say this. Do I still recommend it? I’m going to step back and let you assess it for yourself given everything I’ve just said.

Obviously after those two I went back and finished Macbeth, but then I think I took a break [unannounced, unplanned]. It was then that I read Volume 1 of the One Piece manga by Eiichiro Oda to get back into reading. It was fun, easy to dip in and out of, and a really simple read. Which is a good thing, I promise. Sometimes books can be big and confusing and they don’t need to be. Books don’t have to be groundbreaking in order to be good, they just need to be enjoyable. 

The eighth and final book that I read and finished in 2020 was To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I’d never read it before, never studied it for English class, and only had the briefest knowledge of what even happens in the story. All I have to say is, if you haven’t read it already, please do. You can read textbooks and understand events, but books offer a more personal insight into these things. Much alike with The Reader, you can just see things in a way you couldn’t with a textbook or history lesson. Perhaps it’s easier to empathise this way? Either way, please read it. 

I did start reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, unfortunately I didn’t finish it so I won’t really talk about it here, hopefully next year though?

All in all, I’ve enjoyed having this blog. I’ve enjoyed having somewhere to talk about the book I’m reading without my friend telling me to shut up. 

And, despite not reaching my goal this year, I’m optimistic for 2021. I want to keep going with this blog, hopefully I’ll reach my goal this year. Coming home for Christmas from Uni means that now, when I sit in bed, my bookshelf is opposite me and I can see all my unread books and I’m getting excited to read them. Luckily lockdown meant I haven’t been out buying more and more books recently. 

Thank you for following, for liking, for reblogging. Having this little blog has been pretty helpful in 2020. I hope we all have a successful 2021!

- Gingerbread ♤

[thought-42]

Clone Wars fic Day Four

Sometimes the next day is two months later leave me alone. Today on the pointless modern au: Obi-Wan gets many visitors at work and handles it... poorly. Part One Part Two Part Three

Cody appears in the Starbucks ten minutes before Obi-Wan's shift ends.

"I'm giving you decaf," Obi-Wan tells him, watching the vein in his forehead pulse in fascination. His hands are shaking slightly.

"I'm driving you to the party," Cody says. "If anyone asks, you don't get off for another hour and wouldn't have been able to make it across town in time."

"Are you having a Day?"

The after-school rush has passed, and there's no one behind Cody in line, so Obi-Wan hands him his change then leans on the counter, hands clasped as he studies Cody. His coworker is nineteen and far more interested in sneaking glances at his phone than reporting Obi-Wan to their shift manager where she's unpacking deliveries in the back, so he's free to take as long a look as he likes.

"I'm fine," Cody says. "This is fine. Everyone here is absolutely fine."

"You have glitter in your hair."

"I also have dried lentils and blood in my hair," Cody says, alarmingly at peace with this state of affairs. "I took the day off to get everything ready for this party, I have no idea how this is still such a mess."

Obi-Wan makes a note to check him for concussion before he lets him drive him anywhere. "I'm sure Rex will appreciate all your work."

"He'd better," Cody says darkly.

"You only turn twenty-one once, I suppose."

"Somehow I don't remember my twenty-first birthday being that much work."

"Yes, well, it's all rather dependent on where you live, isn't it?" Obi-Wan does not actually remember his twenty-first birthday and he hadn't been in the States at the time, so he really hasn't got a leg to stand on. Cody doesn't need to know that.

"We need to pick up the cake on our way back," Cody says, tapping a finger on the counter. "Don't let me forget."

"I thought your dad was making it?"

Cody laughs and it's perhaps the most soulless thing Obi-Wan's heard in his life. "Me too."

Obi-Wan pats his hand lightly and slides down the counter. "I've changed my mind," he says. "You're getting herbal tea."

"This is harassment," Cody says, absently, tugging out his phone and frowning at whatever he sees. "Did you know Anakin is bringing his girlfriend?"

Obi-Wan huffs. "I don't even know that Anakin has a girlfriend, Cody. What could you possibly be talking about?"

"Do I want to know what that's about?"

"No," Obi-Wan says, cheerfully. His stomach does the sickening swoop that it's been doing every time he thinks about the fact that Anakin doesn't trust him with something as simple as his relationship status and he has no idea why.

"Hmm," says Cody. "It still feels vaguely uncomfortable that he's even coming."

"Boundaries are institutionalized artificial constructs that prevent the formation of strong community," Obi-Wan says, lightly.

"That... sounds ethically and emotionally questionable," Cody says flatly.

"You say this like Kix won't be there."

Cody looks vaguely horrified. "Will he be?"

Obi-Wan shakes his head gently. "Sit down. Drink your tea. Does your head hurt?"

"It's not my blood," cody says, like that's not the most worrying sentence Obi-Wan has heard all week. He decides the world will not end if he finishes his shift a few minutes early just this once.

He's hung up his apron, washed his hands, and is just putting on his coat when Qui-Gon fucking Jinn walks in the door, long wool coat at odds with his worn boots and faded tshirt. Never before has he visited Obi-Wan at work. Obi-Wan had not actually been certain he knows where he works until this precise moment.

Obi-Wan has had the benefit, for most of the time he's known Qui-Gon, of being able to ensure he's presenting a particular image whenever they interact. Be it forewarnings of his visits by group home staff, emails to organize a visit at uni, texts that provide dates and times for family dinners and holidays. There have been very few occasions when Qui-Gon has caught him unaware and ill-prepared. And most of those times he doesn't remember well due to illness or alcohol. Obi-Wan has been working for 20 hours with a half hour break spent on the bus to get between his two jobs, he smells like coffee grounds, he's kind of woozy because he's consumed nothing but tea all day, and his maybe sort of potential partner is in the midst of a silent stress breakdown with glitter and blood in his hair and wrath in his heart.

"Hello!" Qui-Gon calls, bright and friendly like he does this every day. "Good, I've caught you before you left." Seeing him standing in front of the pastry case just to the left of the table with the possibly Satanic graffitti is bad enough, but actually hearing his voice against the background of the generic singer-song-writer crooning (which has burrowed its way into Obi-Wan's ears and soul and will follow him to his grave) and the rumble of the espresso maker is so jarringly incongruous that Obi-Wan wonders for a minute if he's even awake.

"Oh good," Obi-Wan echoes weakly. Cody looks casually curious, blissfully oblivious for the moment.

"I was in the neighbourhood," Qui-Gon says, "and thought I'd treat you to dinner."

"I'm... quite alright," Obi-Wan says. "I've actually got plans, unfortunately."

"We have an hour," Cody says, helpfully. Obi-Wan isn't close enough to step on his foot, and Qui-Gon is watching too closely for him to communicate his panic rage with his expression.

Qui-Gon's attention snaps to Cody like a heat seeking missile. "I don't think we've met. I'm Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan's-- father."

He extends a hand and Cody shakes, looking mostly uncertain. Obi-Wan gets it, much as he doesn't want to. He hasn't been particularly complimentary of Qui-Gon when speaking to Cody, but there's still a reason he's remained attached to him for twenty years. His smile is kind and his handshake firm and with his long hair and laugh lines he comes across mostly as someone's hippy uncle or the strange old man in the back of a magical shop who vanishes as soon as the protagonist looks away.

"I'm Cody."

Obi-Wan is hardwired to cringe at the particular grin that breaks across Qui-Gon's face. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Anakin has told me about you."

"Well that's concerningly vague, thank you," Obi-Wan mutters under his breath.

Cody hums noncommittally. Qui-Gon says "You're taking Obi-Wan out tonight, are you? I'm glad, he'll vanish into his books for weeks on end if you let him."

Obi-Wan is thirty-three goddamn years old and this man who could never even be bothered to adopt him still speaks about him like he's a child. And there's nothing malicious behind it, which is perhaps the worst part. Qui-Gon is teasing out of affection and is probably legitimately concerned about obi-Wan's social life. Obi-Wan wishes desperately that Cody was not seeing him like this, is quite suddenly hyper-aware of his own body and his expression and any words that might come out of his mouth. He feels awkward in his own skin and painfully aware of how Cody might interpret anything he does, as if with Qui-Gon's presence he has been thrust on stage for a role he doesn't know and for which he is lacking a script.

"My brother's birthday party," Cody says. "I have a big family, so birthdays are always... an event."

Qui-Gon nods. "Family is important."

Obi-Wan is going to drown himself in the coffee server.

"Well, if you do have that hour, you've got to let me take you both for a drink," Qui-Gon says. "I'm always happy to get to know Obi-Wan's friends, and especially knowing that Anakin thinks highly of you."

Cody glances over at Obi-Wan, eyebrows up, clearly waiting for him to take the lead. Obi-Wan's brain, unfortunately, continues to spin its wheels uselessly against an oil slick of embarrassment and anger and anxiety. And Cody, for whom familial support is a fundamental tenant of existence, who is courteous to a fault in the face of authority figures and not actually as quick on his feet in social situations as most people assume, does exactly what Obi-Wan should have known he'd do.

"That'd be great, thank you," he says, dooming them all. "We've got to pick up the cake by 6:30, but that does give us some time."

Obi-Wan lingers behind as they leave the store long enough to snap a photo of Cody and Qui-Gon existing in the same physical space, which he sends to Anakin with a long string of screaming emojis. Anakin replies immediately, of course.

'Thats adorable! i'm glad hes meeting the parents'

'Looking forward to meeting Padme tonight,' Obi-Wan responds, vindictively.

[simplyshelbs16xoxo]

‘Run Away with Me’ Chapter 5: Now I’m Broken and I’m Fading

Fair warning, this chapter is nothing but an angst fest...

FFN | Ao3 | Buy Me a Coffee?

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               It was strange, being back in London. It felt like everything that happened in the past week had been all a dream during a long slumber. Molly’s eyes flickered toward her husband who was sitting beside her in the back of the cab. His body was rigid, tense, and he appeared to be zoned out for the time being, most likely in his mind palace. She knew he had fears—probably the same fears she had. Molly scooted closer, looping her arm through his, holding his hand, and leaning her head against his shoulder. She knew he didn’t like to be disturbed whilst thinking, but he let her know it was alright with a squeeze of his hand as if he knew what she was thinking. He probably did.

               Meeting the Holmes parents was a bit daunting to her, though she had spoken with them once on the phone. They had insisted that Mycroft allow them to thank her for all she did for the younger Holmes. They sounded lovely, but it didn’t stop her from feeling nervous.

              ��“They’ll love you.” Sherlock’s smooth baritone sent shivers down her spine. Is it possible to be attracted to the sound of someone’s voice? She wondered.

               “Reading my mind again, I see,” she smiled in amusement. “You sound sure of that sentiment.”

               He pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. “Completely; you’re like the daughter they never had. Though, I must warn you about my mum. She will be asking about the possibility of grandkids—she’s given up on Mycroft, so all the pressure will be put on us in that regard. Just do your best to please her without saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ outright.”

               Molly raised her brows. “Right…so, no pressure then?” she joked.

               Sherlock turned just enough to speak low in her ear. “We’ll be alright.” At least, he hoped so.

.

.

               Millicent Holmes could not have given Molly a more adoring smile. They were all gathered in 221B and Molly wished Mycroft could have at least given her a chance to freshen up a bit before meeting the Holmes parents. It didn’t seem to deter their mum in the slightest as she gathered Molly into an air-constricting hug.

               “Mikey told us you had gone and eloped—which I am disappointed that I didn’t get to plan a wedding—but I just couldn’t believe it,” Mrs. Holmes spoke excitedly. “Molly, dear, how are you? I am thrilled we finally get to meet face to face after all that you’ve done for my boy.”

               Doing her best to keep a calm composure, Molly took a deep breath, and smiled as sincerely as she could. “I’m doing splendidly, Mrs. Holmes. And it’s so nice to meet the both of you.” Molly stuck her hand out toward the Holmes’ father.

                    Mr. Holmes smiled kindly, and Molly knew exactly where Sherlock got his smile from. It put her at ease. He approached her, taking her hand and patting it gently. “My dear, you mustn’t feel the need to be so formal with us. You are family now.”

               She didn’t know why, but tears were pricking at the rims of her eyes. Molly had been without her own family for so long. Both her parents had been only children, just like her, and both were gone. Her father had died whilst she was in uni and her mum followed not too long after. Nobody knew why her mum had passed, but they had chalked it up to dying from a broken heart. She looked over at Sherlock, realising that if he was taken from her, she’d probably end up following in her mother’s footsteps.

               “Well,” Sherlock began, “this has all been very annoying, though I don’t blame you,”—he glanced toward his parents—“but Mycroft thought it okay to interrupt our se—honeymoon. So, if we can’t have it in Paris, then we will have what’s left of it here.”

               Mrs. Holmes’ eyes flashed with anger at Mycroft. “You said they had been working a case together…you interrupted their honeymoon? Mikey, we taught you better than that.”

               “Mummy, don’t you think it’s all a bit odd? Since when have either of us had any desire for romantic entanglements, let alone marriage?” Mycroft had expected their parents to question Sherlock; to ask him if this was like the way he used Janine.

               “Perhaps Sherlock has just grown more mature than you,” Mrs. Holmes argued. “Only a child would pull the kind of stunt you pulled.”

               And the arguing continued, making Molly feel most uncomfortable, especially when Sherlock joined in. She gasped when someone took hold of her arm. It was Mr. Holmes, his kind eyes gesturing if she’d like to step outside. Nodding her head, they left the quarreling to the hot-tempered members of the family.

               After a few minutes of walking in comfortable silence, Molly asked the question that’s been plaguing her mind. “Why is Mycroft so adamant that Sherlock’s love for me is insincere?”

               “I couldn’t tell you, my dear,” Mr. Holmes replied. “I am sorry the honeymoon was cut short.”

               Molly smiled. “S’alright, it’s not your fault. Mycroft doesn’t know Sherlock very well, does he?”

               Mr. Holmes chuckled. “He thinks he does, but my wife and I suspect that Sherlock mostly takes after me in regards to relationships. Between the two of them, Sherlock has always been the more emotional one.”

               “Sometimes I think he feels too much,” Molly told him. “So he feels the need to lock his heart away to keep from getting hurt.”

               He squeezed her shoulder in a fatherly manner. “And that,” he said, “is how I know you are good for my son. You can see through the façade he puts on for the rest of the world—you see him for who he really is.”

               They walked on making small talk about anything and everything. About twenty minutes had passed when they decided to go back to 221B, both hoping the arguing had stopped. As they approached the building, they took notice of Sherlock sitting on the front stoop, his head buried in his hands. When he heard them approach, his head snapped up, his arm automatically reaching out for Molly.

               “Is your mother still inside?” Mr. Holmes asked him. Sherlock nodded yes, and scooted over to let his dad through. Molly then took a seat beside him.

               “Where’s Mycroft?” she asked.

               “He left,” Sherlock replied. He sighed in frustration. “My parents will be leaving in the morning, but mummy insisted we spend a weekend with them sometime.”

               Molly wrapped an arm around his back, bringing them closer together. She leaned toward him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t fret, my love,” she spoke softly. “We’ll get through this.”

               Normally, her reassurances calmed him, but Sherlock remained tense, his eyes only focused on the pavement of the sidewalk. She wondered if she should give him some time alone, but instead dropped her head down to rest against his shoulder, now with both arms wrapped around his torso. He leaned into her, slightly, and it was enough to tell her she had made the right choice.

.

.

               Later that night, wrapped up in the silk of Sherlock’s royal blue dressing gown, Molly quietly slipped out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to make a warm cup of tea. Sherlock was fast asleep, exhausted from the trying day they had. She wished she could sleep, but the worry she harboured for her husband kept her from getting any rest. What bothered her wasn’t even that Mycroft was being a prat, but the fact that it was clearly bothering Sherlock, a man who never cared for anyone’s opinions. And then she wondered if it bothered him because he secretly agreed with all the rubbish his brother has been throwing at him.

“Oh, Sherlock, no,” she whispered to herself as she added a teaspoon of chamomile to the tea infuser. Pouring the boiled water in her cup, Molly’s mind drifted to other things like whether she would live here with him or if he would live with her, only using 221B as an office. They never discussed it, but they would have to soon. She couldn’t very well continue to switch out clothes between his place and hers. Her flat was open and airy, but she very much loved the cosiness of Baker Street. It was more cramped, and possibly too dangerous to live there.

               Just as she finished allowing her tea to steep, she heard her mobile vibrate on the desk in the sitting room. Molly took her cup of tea along with her, seeing it was Mary that was calling. “Hello?” she spoke quietly.

               “Molly, I heard you and Sherlock eloped and had your honeymoon cut short…what happened?” she asked.

               “So many things, Mary. Mycroft’s just being a prat at Sherlock’s expense. I swear, if he shows his face one more time just to be an arse, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold my tongue,” Molly told her. She took a tentative sip of her tea.

               “I am behind you and Sherlock one-hundred percent, Molly. So is John now that I’ve talked him ‘round,” she told her. “You two have us for support, just so you know.”

               Molly breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, truly. It seems like everyone’s against us right now. Well, not Sherlock’s parents—they’re quite pleased with the situation.”

               “So Mycroft pulled the parent card—no wonder you two came rushing back.”

               “It was absolutely unfair of him, Mary. Sherlock and I need time to just be us, and to get used to this new chapter in our lives, and his bloody pompous brother won’t give us any breathing room.” Molly felt she was going to blow a gasket. “It’s almost as if he wants our marriage to fail. He—“

               “Molly?”

               No reply.

               “Molly, is everything alright?”

               “He’s jealous,” Molly realised. She laughed in disbelief. “Mycroft Holmes is jealous. I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner.”

               “Well then, the Ice Man has a heart hidden somewhere after all,” Mary laughed.

               “Let’s not get too crazy, now,” Molly joked. “Thanks for calling, Mary, really. It’s just what I needed to sort this whole thing out.”

               “That’s what I’m here for,” she replied. “You sound dead to the world, luv, you should try to get some sleep.”

               “I’ll just finish my tea and head right off to bed. Night, Mary.” Molly hung up and set her phone back on the desk. After finishing her tea, she snuck back inside the bedroom, shedding off the dressing gown, and slipped into bed.

               Even as the mattress dipped, Sherlock never woke, but as if there were a magnetic pull between them, he found her with his arms and pulled her closer. Molly felt at ease with his body curled around hers. His hand found its way beneath her camisole, resting against her stomach as he swiped his thumb back and forth against her skin. Finally, she drifted to sleep, her worried melting away for the night.

.

.

               It was the last day off Molly had before she had to return to work the next day. Spending that first week in Paris had been lovely, but this last week had been a mixture of stress and annoyance. No, they hadn’t heard from Mycroft since he stormed out a few days ago, which was nice, but Sherlock was clearly bothered by it. Whenever Molly tried to get him to talk about it, he shrugged her off or changed the subject. She was beside herself, not knowing what more she could do for him if he wasn’t ready to talk yet.

               Molly had been lounging on the sofa whilst reading her book, glasses perched on her nose. Sherlock had been called away on a case, and though it was only a four, she thought it’d be good for him to get out and solve something. She’d been tiptoeing around him lately to ensure that she wouldn’t come off as pushy when it came to the Mycroft issue.

               “What a load of rubbish!” Sherlock’s voice startled her as he walked in, slamming the door shut.

               Molly set her book aside. “Bad case?” She watched as he tossed his coat and scarf on the desk. He began pacing back and forth whilst scanning the room, the crease between his brows deepening. “Sherlock?”

               “Why haven’t you moved in yet?” he asked sharply.

               She stood, calmly replying, “I’ve been waiting for the right time to discuss options with you.”

               He looked as if she had insulted him. “Options? What options? I thought the next step here was fairly obvious.”

               “Oh, so you just get to make all the decisions without consulting me!?” Molly asked in disbelief. “I wanted to discuss this civilly, you know, like adults?”

               Sherlock was fuming. “Was it not clear to you that having this flat is important for my work!?”

               “Yes, Sherlock, for your work! Not for two people who may or may not start a family in the future!” Molly crossed her arms, turning her head, refusing to look at him.

               “We are living here, and that’s final!” he shouted.

               Molly scoffed. “You’re such a child!” She began picking up whatever things she had lying around the flat.

               “Yes, Molly, real mature, running away from your problems,” Sherlock retorted, rolling his eyes.

               “No!” she shouted. “You don’t get to accuse me of that! I am going to my flat so we can cool off. I wanted to compromise with you, but you won’t even hear me out.” Her face was red, hair matted to her forehead. “I don’t even know why you wanted this anymore, Sherlock. You’re obviously not ready to put in the work for a real marriage.”

               “Well, maybe we shouldn’t have married at all.” His cold voice chilled her to the bone. He had never spoken that way to her, not once in all the years they’d known each other.

               Molly wanted to cry—full-on sobbing whilst eating a tub of ice cream type cry. Instead, she stared at him incredulously, disappointment in her eyes. “Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t have.”

It didn’t take her long. The last thing Sherlock saw was his wife, bags packed, walking out the door. The shock didn’t wear off for a while, and when it did, he picked up the teacup she had been drinking from and threw it, watching as it shattered against the door. He collapsed on the sofa, his head buried in his hands, now wet from the tears he couldn’t keep from falling. Now that his worst fear appeared to unfold around him, Sherlock hadn’t a clue where to go from here. Was this the beginning of the end?  

[antiadvil]

We’re Getting Married!

PG13, 2.8k

video title: We’re Getting Married! uploaded: December 8, 2019 by AmazingPhil Description: We talk about our relationship with each other, our audience, and appropriate creator/audience boundaries. Sorry we couldn’t find a wedding venue that would fit three million people!

read more or read on ao3

A/N: *** indicates a jump cut. this is filmed in Phil’s bedroom bc in an imagined universe with joint content I can fulfill all my nostalgic fantasies oh also warning for discussion of the vday video if you're not into that

“Hey guys! Today I’m here with a very special surprise guest-”

Dan’s voice interrupted Phil from off camera. "Are you not going to put me in the thumbnail?"

Phil laughed. "I mean, probably."

"So I'm not much of a surprise."

"I guess not. Anyway, we have a special announcement-"

"Phil. They read the title. Why do your video intros always assume no one reads your titles?"

"Hey! I haven't decided what I’m going to title it yet."

Dan came into frame and flopped onto the bed with him. "Sure you haven't. You know exactly what will get this video the maximum number of clicks, you goddamn-"

Phil threw his hand over Dan’s mouth. “Stop.”

He yanked it back almost immediately. “Did you just lick me?”

Dan smiled. “Maybe.”

“You’re disgusting. I’m going to go wash my hands with bleach,” Phil said, climbing off of his bed.

“Can you bring me a glass of water?” Dan called after him. “I’m thirsty.”

Phil called something back. It was entirely bleeped out.

***

“Count of three,” Phil said. “One, two, three-”

“We’re getting married!” Dan’s normally large hand gestures were carefully constrained by the glass of water in his right hand.

“Some of you are probably confused-” Phil said.

“Some of you are probably hyperventilating,” Dan interrupted, “And I’d like to say that while you’re valid, get a life that is not vicariously lived through our relationship. Please.”

“So let’s do a bit of background first,” Phil finished. “So I think most of you who follow us know that Dan and I met on the internet in 2009 and then we met up later the same year, which is when we filmed the first Phil is not on fire.”

“What you probably know if you watched my coming out video is that the whole time, we were super gay for each other,” Dan added. “What I didn’t really get into is that we’re still super gay for each other.”

“Wait, we are?”

Dan shrugged, setting his water on Phil’s nightstand. “I mean, I’m still super gay for you.”

Phil frowned. “I don’t know if I’d describe it that way.”

“Well, this is awkward,” Dan muttered.

“Anyway, we’ve been dating ever since then, and we thought we’d give a quick little recap of our relationship for those of you who just got here. So, I already mentioned that we met in 2009-”

“Obligatory disclaimer, we don’t endorse travelling a hundred and fifty miles to meet a guy who’s four years older than you that you met on the internet, even if you were the one who stalked him first.”

“Hey!” Phil laughed.

“But anyway,” Dan continued, “Phil and I met in a public place before going to his house and it turned out he wasn’t an axe murderer, so everything was fine.”

“What would you have done if I was?” Phil asked.

“You know, that’s a really great question. I maybe should have thought a little bit more about that.”

“So, we’re not even five minutes into the video and the biggest takeaway is that you should never have come to meet me?”

Dan nodded. “Our entire relationship was a mistake. I’m sorry, everyone, time to go home.”

“So poor life choices aside, we met in 2009, filmed Phil is not on fire, and just generally hung out a lot.”

“Hung out is one word for what we spent most of our time doing, but since this is Phil’s channel, let’s leave it at that.” Dan winked.

“Hey!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Look me in the eye and tell me that is not what we spent most of our time together doing.”

“That is not what we spent most of our time doing.”

“Okay then, if you say so-”

“I do-” Phil insisted.

“Then we’ll leave it at that. We visited a lot, but, full disclosure, long distance sucks, which was a big factor in my decision to attend uni in Manchester. You probably already know how that went down.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Apart from the uni part, though, it was really nice being so close by, so we moved in together in 2011.”

“And then there was what you will probably know as the Valentine’s day video,” Dan said with a grimace.

“Dan and I don’t really feel comfortable discussing the details of that whole thing because that video was very personal to us.”

Dan smiled in Phil’s direction. “I still have a copy.”

“But seriously, if you’re not me or Dan, I’d really appreciate it if you’d remove any copies you’ve posted on the internet and delete any copies you may have saved, out of respect for our privacy.”

“Believe me, I know nothing I can say will make that video disappear. My entire life is just proof that anything you put on the internet is permanent. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it now, but I want people to understand that all the speculation about my sexuality that came up when that video resurfaced really hurt me. Don’t do that. Seriously. If you think a celebrity or a YouTuber or whoever is hiding their sexuality, just let them. You don’t know what’s happening in their lives, and honestly, you’re not entitled to, either.”

Phil nodded. “Also, that was a really hard time for us as a couple as well as personally. I don’t think a lot of people realize the pressure being constantly under a microscope has on a relationship, which is one of the reasons we chose not to share our relationship and why we still don’t feel comfortable sharing everything about it.”

“Which is fine! Neither of us are ashamed of our relationship. We’re not hiding anything. We just aren’t really looking forward to reading newspaper headlines about our relationship, which really doesn’t seem like it should be news. Like, it’s our relationship, not the entire world’s relationship,” Dan explained.

“Really, it seems so weird to us that people even care about it. Like, it’s flattering and all, don’t get me wrong, but it was also a bit scary at first when we weren’t out.”

“It’s like, remember in my coming out video how I mentioned that when that guy said I gave off a bi vibe it really scared me? Having strangers on the internet tell me that my relationship with Phil was obvious was scary when even my parents didn’t know. The shipping was fine. It was mostly the speculation that was scary.”

“But we made it.” Phil put his hand on Dan’s leg and smiled.

Dan smiled back, almost forgetting the camera in the room. “God, there were some days I thought we wouldn’t. But we did. And I love you.”

Phil smiled even wider and swiped at his eyes.

Dan’s smile grew to a smirk. “Are you crying? Oh my god, you are such a dork.”

“Your mum’s a dork,” Phil muttered.

Dan reached for his phone. “I’m telling her you said that.”

“No!” Phil threw his shoulder into Dan’s chest, sending him sprawling against Phil’s bed.

Dan laughed. “Ow. Hey, Siri, call Mu-”

Phil put his hand over Dan’s mouth. “Stop.”

Dan’s phone chirped from the other side of the bed. “Okay. Calling Mum.”

Dan scrambled to reach it. “Oh shit, oh fuck, should I hang up?”

“Dan! You can’t call your mum and then hang up on her.”

“Shut up, rat, this is your fau- Oh, hey, Mum!”

“Hi!” Phil said.

“Oh, hello, Dan! And Phil. Is everything alright?”

“You need to call your mum more often, Dan, if every time she picks up she asks if something’s wrong,” Phil said.

Dan’s mum laughed. 

“Shut up, Phil. No, Mum, nothing’s wrong, just wanted to catch up.”

***

“So, I’m never jokingly asking Siri to call anyone ever again,” Dan said.

“Why? Was calling your mum that horrible?” Phil laughed.

“Shut up, Phil. That was your fault.” 

“Does your mum watch your videos?” Phil asked.

“Not really.”

“I’m sending her a link to this one.”

“I hate you,” Dan said quietly.

“You too.”

***

"Now, Phil, we've been dating for a pretty long time." 

Phil shrugged. "Only like ten years.”

"So, Phil, why did we wait so long for this?"

Phil nodded. "Well, first of all, it wasn't legal for a pretty long time."

"Right. Civil partnerships were a thing in 2004, but I'm lame and traditional, and same sex marriage was only legalized in 2014. That's half of our relationship, for some perspective."

"And, fun fact," Phil added, "Same sex marriage is still illegal in Northern Ireland."

Dan frowned. "That was not a fun fact. That was a very sad fact."

"But it's a true fact," Phil protested.

"Moving on, again!" Dan said. "I also wanted my family to be there, and, well, I'm a mess who didn't even come out to them until like six months ago."

Phil patted Dan's shoulder comfortingly. "You're not a mess."

Dan stared at the camera. "I'm a mess."

"Okay, fine. You're a little bit of a mess."

Dan turned to Phil in mock outrage. “You think I’m a mess?”

“No! I-”

Dan turned back to the camera. “You heard it here, folks. Phil is judging me because I took my time coming out. Phil hates closeted people.”

Phil glared at him. “I’m never agreeing with you ever again.”

“This relationship is off to a great start!”

***

“So back to the original question! Why now, Dan?”

“Well, Phil, now that I’m out to my family we can have a proper wedding, and now that we’re out to our viewers we don’t have to worry about one of our own personal stalkers finding our marriage records.” 

“Also, marriage does come with a lot of cool perks,” Phil added.

“Gotta get those sweet, sweet tax benefits.”

“And that sweet, sweet, societal recognition of our relationship.”

“Also, it makes buying a house and general joint property ownership way simpler, which will make it a lot easier to take all of Phil’s subscribers in the inevitable divorce.”

Phil laughed. “What?”

Dan blinked. “Sorry, I didn’t say anything. Did you hear something?”

“Well, I thought I heard you say you were going to divorce me and take my subscribers.”

Dan shook his head, his expression deeply offended. “Why would I say that? Who would do such a thing?”

Phil stared solemnly at the camera. “Gaslighting is a form of abuse.”

“Thank you for the PSA, Phil.”

“Just documenting the abuse I’m currently suffering under so that I can take all your subscribers in the divorce,” Phil said.

Dan frowned. “Okay, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you sounded really serious just then so I now feel the need to clarify that I am not abusing Phil and also, domestic violence is not funny.”

Phil laughed. “No actual abuse.”

Dan sighed. “We’re terrible people, aren’t we?”

“I mean, we’re not terrible people.”

Dan laughed. “We’re just bad people, with terrible senses of humor. That’s so much better.”

“We can edit it out if-” Phil started.

“I mean, it’s your channel-” Dan said.

They stared at each other for a moment before shrugging in unison. “Whatever,” they said, still in unison.

***

“So, Phil, what’s changing for our viewers?” Dan asked.

“Literally nothing. We’ll be taking a short break from uploading-”

“Which I do all the time! So I doubt you’ll even notice.”

“But we’re not going to change the types of videos we upload. This isn’t a relationship channel.”

Dan winked. “As much as you might want it to be.” 

“Seriously, though. We’re not even changing our names. Nothing’s changing,” Phil assured the camera.

“But in case it wasn’t clear, here are some FAQs.”

Phil pulled out a stack of notecards and put on his best announcer voice. “Are we invited?”

Dan smiled. “No.”

Phil flipped to the next card. “Kiss!”

“That’s not a question, but somehow, the answer is still no.”

Phil laughed. “I think a photo of us kissing would actually break the internet.”

Dan shrugged. “Really, we’re just being kind to your internet providers.”

“Lester-Howell or Howell-Lester?”

“We already answered that, Phil. You really need to screen these questions better, especially since you wrote them.”

“Answer it anyway,” Phil pleaded.

Dan sighed heavily. “Neither. I would never saddle my child with two last names.”

“Child?” Phil turned to the camera with an exaggerated gasp.

Dan smiled. “That’s all you’re getting. Let the fanfiction writing begin.”

Phil paused. “Wait, so whose last name-”

“Honestly, I was just joking because neither of us are changing our names, but if you want to have a Dan versus Phil to see who gets to name our child-”

“I’m good.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Phil turned to the next card. “Wedding photos?”

“Is that a question or a demand? Please don’t hack my hard drive.”

“Top or bottom?”

“There is no way anyone actually thinks we’ll answer that.”

“Probably not.” Phil flipped again. “And last, but definitely not least, why are we telling our viewers?”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that we’re telling a lot more people than our viewers. But I never had any healthy models for queer relationships when I was a kid, and if I can provide that, I don’t see why not.” Dan’s voice was surprisingly serious.

“Think of us like your parents,” Phil added. “We’re here to show you how healthy relationships work, but we’re not here to show you everything. Partly because we need some privacy and partly because that would be gross.”

Dan was wincing as soon as he heard the word “parents.” “Phil, Phil, please stop. Do not encourage our audience to think of us as their parents. Did you learn nothing from our tumblr tag? Please never say those words again.”

“Fine, I’ll edit them out.”

Dan shook his head. “You said it, Phil. You can’t escape it.”

“Okay, well, at least give another response so I can decide if I want to keep it in,” Phil persuaded, in the soft, natural, voice he normally saved for off camera.

Dan gave an exaggerated sigh. “Honestly, hiding a relationship is just so much work. Especially a marriage. And you guys are total stalkers. Like seriously. Get a life. Please.”

“That’s better! And much more fitting with who our audience is.”

“Phil, I’m the one who gets to insult our fans. You’re the one who says we love them and appreciate them.”

“We do!” Phil insisted.

“Do we?” Dan asked skeptically.

“Yes.” Phil laughed, staring at Dan in disbelief.

“Kidding,” Dan muttered, flashing a smile at the camera. “Please buy my merch.”

Phil sighed. “Danielhowellshop.com?”

Dan smiled. “Also, while you’re at it, check out my good friend Phil’s merch at amazingphilshop.com!”

Phil stared straight at the camera. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“You know what, we’re such close friends that we also have a joint merch shop, danandphilshop.com. You could begin there, Phil.”

“Is it too early for a divorce?” Phil asked.

“Yes. You’re stuck with me.”

“Am I really?”

“Just think about the tax benefits. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and remember how much money you’re going to save by marrying me.”

Phil shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”

Dan pouted.

***

“For more videos like this-”

“Phil. We’re never making another video like this again.”

“For more videos not like this, click on my face to subscribe to my channel, click on Dan’s face to subscribe to his channel-”

“I have plans to actually upload a video this year-”

“And for our joint channel, click here.” Phil raised their joined hands.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to edit this video, upload it, and disconnect my internet for at least a month.”

Dan turned to Phil. “That’s not a bad idea, actually. I’m not sure I want to open tumblr for the next six years.”

Phil cringed. “Me neither. Guys, please try not to go too crazy. I lost friends over the protip incident of 2016.”

Dan shuddered. “So many people refuse to talk to us now. I’m not even joking.”

“We appreciate the support!” Phil insisted.

“Just like, maybe on our videos instead of completely random ones,” Dan suggested.

Phil nodded. “Anyway, if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up, or leave a comment. Like I said, Dan and I will be taking a short break from YouTube and social media for the wedding and honeymoon, but we’ll be back soon with plenty of content.”

“I don’t want to see any of your conspiracy theories about how we’re leaving YouTube out there, I promise it’ll only be like a month.”

“And that’s the normal amount of time between two Dan videos,” Phil interjected, “So-”

“Hey! I said I would upload this year.”

Phil smiled. “Never said you wouldn’t.”

***

“Count of three again?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded. “Three, two, one-”

“Goodbye!”

[onetruejonsey]

Decade In Review, by Samuel Richard Sinbad Gandalf Jones

So as the ‘Teens’ come to a close (I’m writing this with 3 hours left on the clock!), Gabby has insisted that I copy her, and do a highlight reel of my last decade. Now I’m not on YouTube yet, so this’ll be more of a REALLY REALLY long post, but go ahead and read it, then read Gabby’s on her page (@mist-over-water), and see just how boring I really am!

2010-

Well this year was boring as hell, clearly. I CAN’T REMEMBER MOST OF IT. But I was part way through my first year of A-Levels, and boy oh boy, was I failing them, I’d gone from being a straight A student to screwing everything up! Didn’t stop procrastinating though…..

2011-

Okay, now things get a little interesting, I got my first big job working at a really pleasant and mature restaurant….AHAHA just kidding I got a job at my local McDonald’s! It took me three attempts to get in there, not because I sucked, but timing sucked, I think the universe eventually saw me and just said ‘Oh fuck it, have the job’. But I wanted to earn some money to take me to university, and this seemed like a good idea at the time! And my first paycheck was spent on a brand new guitar! So I was a happy Sam!

I finished my A-Levels, and when I got my results, I was crushed, not at the results, they were pretty good. All my university choices rejected me, and all my friends made it. It was my own fault to be honest, but I’ll never forget just how low that made me feel. I was pretty angsty back then, so this just added to my pile!

I decided it was best to stay at work, go full time, get waaaaay more money, and try again next year. This proved to be a good decision, as it led to me being invited to my first ever work party, I got drunk, and there was karaoke, and I gave my best rendition of Basket Case by Green Day, and to this day, there are still whispers of my singing prowess. Even though I’m a bit shit.

2012-

I started 2012 with a pinch of determination, and it paid off. I re-applied for university, and all my choices accepted me, so now it was down to me to make my final decision. I’d had my eye on one in particular, so off me and Mum go to Northampton, 2 and half hours later, and the sat-nav took us to a primary school (I’ll never forget the shopkeeper on the same road-‘Looking for the uni? You’re the 4th person today!’). I fell in love with the whole place, and as soon as I got in the car I looked at Mum and said that I had to be there. I accepted the offer within a minute of being home.

Now from the good to the bad. Something happened to me this year that still sticks with me, and to many, this may seem stupid. But my dog died. Sounds stupid right? Jazz was the best dog I have ever known; loyal, unwavering, had the gift of the gab, and never left us alone. I was convinced she was actually a human reincarnated, she looked after Mum when she was ill, she looked after me when I was miserable, and she loved Dad. What made it more heartbreaking was that she never let us know that she was ill, no, that she was dying. When we got her to the vet, they originally thought it was a little infection, nothing major. The next day we had to rush her in as an emergency, and they found a tumour in her stomach the size of a baby’s head. How we never knew about it I’ll never know, but they operated, and got her all cleared up, and yet it wasn’t enough, she died within the hour, and I buried one of my best friends. This led to a vacuum in our house, we’ve always had dogs and the house felt so wrong without one, so Mum and Dad decided, one day without telling me, to go and get our current doggo Indiana. AND TALK ABOUT GOING FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER. If Jazz was the best dog ever, Indy is definitely the worst. But we love him, still today as a grumpy old man.

2012 saw me do something that I honestly never thought possible, and dead serious moment here: I genuinely never saw this coming for me, and was convinced that I was not the guy who would be in this situation. But I got a girlfriend, and it was my first relationship. Not ‘first major relationship’, like people who would bounce from quick fling to the next, but my first relationship. To me, a relationship is no small matter, you date me, I’m in it for the long term. Sam ain’t no quick and easy thing! Oh god why am I still such a dork. Anyway, so, yeah, my first relationship, and dear god was I clueless about what to do! And oh shit, I was leaving for uni in September, so would this work long distance? Am I boyfriend material? Will her parents like me? Will my parents like her?....ah fuck it, I WAS 19 AND IN LOVE. I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT. And whilst we spent some of it long distance, we made it work.

2013-

Now that bit where I was really excited for university and all I’d learn in my 3 years there? Yeah I left after the first year. Cool. My finances were screwed over and I didn’t get my money, so I couldn’t go back, but I guess it was meant to happen for a reason.

Leaving university meant I could focus more on working back home at McDonald’s, so I tried for a promotion, got it, and lost it the day after because of bullshit. But I still carried on, because money’s nice right? I could buy nice things with it, like more stuff for my guitar collection! And many presents! But my my, I think I was getting into a world of pain staying there!

But while we’re on the subject of work and stuff, I got punched in the face by a shitty customer. And it broke my cheekbone. Which I didn’t find out about until a week later when I practically passed out and my girlfriend at the time rushed me to hospital! Since that’s happened I’ve always had a little problem with headaches, lately it’s been really good, to the point I’ve spent pretty much all of 2019, with no headache at all!

Still, finish a topic on a good note, I had my first ever trip to London, it was just me and my girlfriend, and we visited a bakery show. But London itself wowed me, and I fell in love with it, and I always knew I would be back there, just….not how I imagined.

2014-

Starting off, I went back to London! My girlfriend bought me tickets for me and my best friend to go and see Halestorm. MY FIRST CONCERT. And it was epic, I’d ben obsessed with Halestorm for some time already by this stage, so to see them live was a pivotal moment for me. The opening acts were shit, but my god, as soon as Lzzy belted out Love Bites…..oh, ohhh, OHHHHHH my god. The night itself was hectic enough, my friend and I didn’t think to book a hotel. Soooooo we had to run like fuck to make it back to the train, lest we be trapped in London for a whole night!

One big change in this year was my girlfriend and I moving into our own place, granted it was a static caravan, but it was ours, decorated, a bit cold, but it was home. Now, here’s a weird bit, I was home alone one night, and was just getting into bed, when I heard someone at the door. I thought it was my girlfriend home from work, but she was on a night? So, what’s the deal here? Oh wait that’s right, it was Gabby, drunkenly mistaking my caravan for hers! I heard muttering as she left, probably something along the lines of ‘Shit, not my caravan’. But if fate was starting the wheels turning, god she made it a slow fucking burn!

It took me a lot of years to pull this off, but I had my first ever holiday abroad! Rhodes, one of the Greek isles! I recall getting drunk a lot, really good food, and severe heat! But it was my first holiday in forever, and I went away with my girlfriend, her mum and her friend.

Aaaaaand then everything fell apart. I never expected myself to be in a relationship, but once I had one, I didn’t see it ending the way it did. And I’m not airing any dirty laundry, I wasn’t and am still not perfect, but I’m not bitter or twisted about it anymore, it just sucked at the time.  I was cheated on, and to anyone who’s had it happen to them knows that it does a lot of damage, it can take a lot of time to recover, and I was lucky to have the friends I had to help me.

The latter half of 2014 saw me drop into a real dark place, I contemplated suicide, and one day I considered it, staring at a packet of tablets for about 6 hours. It took my best friend randomly appearing at my house, practically kidnapping me and taking me to see Guardians of the Galaxy to snap me out of it! But both him and that movie saved my life, so I’m forever grateful to the pair of them. Also I started drinking heavily, at an unhealthy level but, like John Mulaney said, we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

2015-

Back to having a bit of a dull year, but only a bit. I knuckled down and got on with work, and proved myself time and time again. I remade myself, sorted my drinking out, and did a lot to make myself better, or at the very least, less of a fuckup.

I also managed to cram in three more concerts this year, saw Halestorm again with my best friend and another friend, and we loved one of the supporting acts, Nothing More. AND I GOT TO MEET THE SINGER AND HE WAS THE NICEST ERMAHGERD AND I STILL HAVE THE TICKET WHICH HE SIGNED. Then it was Theory of a Deadman later in the year, and they were phenomenal. But by far, the cherry on the cake was seeing Nothing More again, as a VIP! I got to meet the whole band, watch them from close up, got a crapload of merch, and just have the best damn concert experience I could ever have!

2016-

I started this year a little bit worse for wear, I was a little downbeat about things, and was a little bit lost with my choices in life. So I got a cat. Meg the Merciless. And she is a total bitch, mostly disobedient, attacker of unwatched feet. But she is one hell of a companion, and she loves me and Gabby, we can always rely on her to show us a little love and affection when we need it. But as long as it’s on her terms.

Only one concert this year, but it was a biggie: Sum 41 in London, with the same two friends I go to concerts with, aaaaaand we were bruised and injured from surrounding mosh pits, I think Jacob got a cracked rib for his troubles, and I got a smack in the head, so fun times all round!

I tried again for a promotion at work, and made progress! So that was good, my life’s going forwards, what else could happen to make this year more awesome?

OH THAT’S RIGHT I MET GABBY. Yep, thank you Plenty of Fish for giving the option to exercise my social awkwardness from a screen, because that makes me feel so much better! Anyway, yeah Gabby and I started talking on there, I seem to recall the conversation starting off about surviving a zombie apocalypse? Darling, please correct me if I’m wrong! But we started off strong, and carried on strong from there, I was able to open up to her, which made me feel amazing, confident about being in a relationship again, and then we finally met. And our first date was amazing, it may have been a simple idea, drinks, dinner, walking, trying to be a gentleman and not look at Gabby’s butt. Being told by Gabby to look at her butt, giving said butt 2 thumbs up. The usual stuff you know? But the thing that marvelled me most? Her honesty. Gabby hasn’t had the best life, and she has told me so much that any one thing might break some people, and yet Gabby has endured it all, and she is still one of the kindest people I have ever known. She was worried that I might’ve been scared off with what she wanted me know, but it made me love her more, because she trusts me to the point that she’ll tell me all of this. I visited the zoo in October with her, had an amazing first Christmas with her, met her nieces, who are all adorable, met her friends, had a blast, and had a somewhat awkward time introducing Gabby to my parents!

2017-

After nearly 6 months, Gabby was offered the chance to move in with me and my parents, because her home life was…pretty terrible. After suffering psychological abuse for 7 years at the hands of a total scumbag (side note, I find it really hard to hate people, but if this guy died? Fine.) and going away with me to London for a few days, she made the choice to move in. And I think she’s finally realising how terrible a choice that was, because this house is a total nutfest, and she is now a part of it AND CAN NEVER ESCAPE. But she’s embraced it, and has become a better person with her new environment!

Sticking to the topic of Gabby, she landed a job working with me at McDonald’s. And we became one of the greatest working couples in the whole world, people loved us there. Well, most people. I loved working with her, but the managers were becoming total dicks at the time, and Gabby was being discriminated for her mental health, which pissed me off. And thanks to my shitty advice, she quit in November. So go me!

I realise that so far, my 2017 has been largely about Gabby, AND THAT ISN’T STOPPING ANYTIME SOON! I made a post before about this, but Gabby took me to LFCC, my first ever convention. We went to London again, had a ball, met Glenn from Walking Dead, and Crowley from Supernatural! Later in the year we would also go back to London for MCM Comic-Con, which was more spectacle, but I preferred LFCC more, there were more famous people, and I’m a sucker for meeting the famous!

I saw Sum 41 again with my best friend, and we learned our lesson from the last concert, so we got seats up top, and watched from relative safety, and thank god for that because my hearing went to crap after that night! Gabby bought me tickets to go and see Nothing More again as well, and to show her my world a little more, I took her with me! God they know how to put on a show!

The year ended on the shitty side, and I was a pretty shitty boyfriend with this. But Gabby’s nan fell ill, and it wasn’t looking good, and when Gabby needed me after going to be with her mum at the end of the year, I wasn’t there. So I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make up for it. Sorry sweetheart.

2018-

A shit start to be honest. Gabby’s nan died, and it was a stressful time all round, Gabby and I had a massive argument, and I nearly drove her to self harm. Way to go Sam, you prick. I was convinced that after that, we would be over. Why would Gabby want to be with someone who drives her mental health into the dirt? So naturally I was surprised when she told me she still loved me, and still wanted to be with me, and when she moved back, and got a new job, I saw this as a chance to get things going back in the right direction, for the sake of us, and to show Gabby that I will always love her.

NOW FOR A BIG DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. I quit McDonald’s. And looking back at it, thank fuck I did. I was gunning for another promotion, and I got so close to becoming a manager, only for it to be taken away. Yet another opportunity snatched by arseholes. So that was it, fuck ‘em. I quit, and thanks to Gabby finding it, I got a new job working in the same company as my dad, and I can safely say I have not regretted that decision. I love my new job to pieces!

Now, back to Gabby. AND YET ANOTHER DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. In August, on Gabby’s birthday, I wanted to take her to the zoo, with her mum and nieces in tow. And that was the day I lost my girlfriend. AND GAINED A FIANCEÉ SEE WHAT I DID THERE TUMBLR? SUBVERT YOUR EXPECTATIONS OH YEAH. I proposed, and she said yes! I’m going to be a husband! I’m grateful for everything Gabby does, she teaches me so much, and sometimes doesn’t realise it, so to hear her say yes has to be the greatest thing she has done for me so far, because it shows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with an overweight, greying, eccentric, potty mouthed nerd.

I started learning to drive this year, because goddamn it, if I’m going to get somewhere with my life, I needed to drive, I needed a car. So I found a driving school, and got to work. Now it took me going to a different driving school to find out that my first instructor was just trying to bleed me for money, but I enjoyed the driving all the same. But when I had to find a new driving school, I saw that as an opportunity to procrastinate my arse off again. Well done Sam, well done. You prat.

2019-

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST. After getting in with a new driving school, I got on really quickly, and passed first time, and in May, after Gabby passed her test as well, we got our first car. Moss, the (nearly) 18 year old Nissan Micra. He’s old, a bit clunky, but he’s an amazing car, and I couldn’t picture a better car for us to start with. Mainly because he’s small and really easy to park.

After getting my butt into gear, and sorting out some crap on my end, Gabby and I really got into planning our wedding, we set the date, and from there, we decided on venues, transport, Gabby chose a dress, everything was coming together in the planning phase. However, we didn’t anticipate that we would have already booked over ¾ of the wedding before the end of this year! Seriously, our wedding is in 2021, and we are practically done. WE BOOKED OUR HONEYMOON A FEW DAYS AGO FOR GOD’S SAKE. So yeah, 2020 may be a little less exciting!

Now for a little bit of a shitty part of 2019. I found out a friend of mine died, and that left me feeling down as hell. Of all the people, I never imagined my friend Jay would be one to go so soon. He was a massive character, big heart, and a bigger laugh to match. To hear him pass was frigging heartbreaking, and I don’t think I’ll stop visiting him anytime soon.

 Do I know what the next decade holds for me? Not a clue, but I’m glad I’m not alone for it, with Gabby at my side, and our wedding not that far away, I’m ready to make her the happiest woman alive, to start the family that we both want (I mean, apparently we’ll have twins when we have kids, so that’s going to be fun!), to live the lives that we want to spend together. To spend time with friends, new, old, and really old. But most importantly, to have her for all of it.

[notquitejiraiya]

Chess [3] - {ShikaTema AU}

[Read Part 1 Here], [Read Part 2 Here]

Two updates in two days. I’ve had the time and the drive, so why not? I hope you all enjoy this chapter - it was a LOT of fun to write, to be honest.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. Enjoy!

CHAPTER THREE

“So, how was it?”

Temari threw her bag and keys down on the table and gawked as she saw her younger brother lounging across her sofa. “Kankuro, that’s my lasagna!”

“It was in the freezer,” he laughed back, shovelling the food into his mouth with reckless abandon. He preceded to mumble with his mouthful. “It wasn’t labelled. It’s mine now.” With a gulp, he turned around fully, grinning. “Unless you want it back.”

“As if I want it back.” For the thousandth time today, Temari rolled her eyes. “You have mince in your teeth by the way. God, when did you become so gross?”

“I am not gross. Grab me a beer.” When his sister scowled, the younger man smiled hopefully, adding a feeble, “Please?”

She laughed, shuffling over to the fridge to grab her brother and herself a can each, before lobbing one his way and cracking hers open. “You owe me at least one-pound-fifty for that lasagna. Maybe two-quid.”

“Two quid?” Kankuro seemed offended at the demand, almost snarling. “Two bloody pounds for a medium sized plate of mediocre lasagna? I don’t fucking think so, Tem.”

“The hell do you mean ‘medium sized’ and ‘mediocre’. Piss off you ungrateful sod, it wasn’t even for you.” Temari groaned as she kicked her shoes off and hurled herself over to the sofa next to him. “Where’s Gaara?” She stuck her finger into the tomato sauce on the side of his plate, and immediately Kankuro snatched it away.

“Who cares? Stop eating my lasagna and answer my question.”

“Your lasagna?” she argued, bemused. “No, I don’t bloody think—”

“Oh, just shut up and tell me how your day went.” He turned down the TV, virtually to mute and stared at her. “How was your first batch of weird—”

“Kankuro, don’t,” she warned. “Don’t be a dick; you know they’re not weird.”

He frowned, saddened. “Sorry. It’s just ever since you told me about the guy who came into your uni who said he constantly heard seagulls, it’s hard to think of anything else.”

“I get it, but there’s nothing weird about mental illness,” insisted Temari. Nothing upset her more than when people treated those who’d lost their way or were confused like they were weird, and nothing made her want to punch her little brother more than hearing him make the same sad joke for the thousandth time.

“Okay.” Kankuro placed his plate on the coffee table and sat back. “I’m sorry. But how was it? Anyone interesting?”

“I can’t tell you specifics, Kankuro. It’s utterly against the confidentiality code that comes with the job—”

“No, I know, but I’m asking how you found it.”

“Um,” she faltered, wondering how best to phrase mostly-shit-with-good-moments, without mentioning her undoubtedly favourite patient of the day. “Well, I guess it was okay.”

“Years of training and you guess it was okay?”

“Well, to be honest, Kankuro, I didn’t expect to be shat on and yelled at by the first few of them.” She could see the smile developing on his face, and quickly shot it down with a glare. “No, not literally shat on. You’re such a child.”

“Sorry,” he giggled, reaching back over for his plate. “So it was crap, basically?”

Temari shook her head, taking a long swig from her beer can. “No, no, not completely.” She gave it. “Mostly shit, yes, but with good moments.” Yeah, that really was the only way to get her exact feeling across. “The last three were pretty nice to me, actually. At first I wanted to punch one of them, but that subsided. It’s tough for them, after all—nobody really wants to be there.”

Solemnly, Kankuro nodded. “No, they don’t. It must be especially tough if you’re forced to go. I mean…” He paused for a moment, chewing as he thought. “I’m sure they’re forced out of love, but I can imagine that at first it won’t feel that way.”

With a small giggle, Temari got to her feet and headed for the fridge.

“What?”

She just kept smiling, rooting around the shelves until she found a microwave meal with Kankuro’s name on it. “You’re the one who’s a weirdo.”

“Oi, what? Why?”

“Because one minute you’re being stupidly insensitive, and the next you’re being really empathetic. You really are ‘both a nightmare and a daydream’.” Her grin grew.

“Hey, no!” He winced. “You can’t keep throwing that back at me, okay?”

“Are we teasing him about Ana’s poem again?” sounded a voice from the hallway. “Brilliant.”

“Shut up, Gaara!”

“I certainly won’t, ‘prince of splintering wood’!”

Temari couldn’t bite down on her lip much harder than she was, trying to hold back her laughter.

“It’s not fair. Temari’s last boyfriend wrote her a song, and nobody teased her about that!”

“Yeah,” retorted Gaara, “but it wasn’t actually bad at all.”

“And it was before we split up,” the blonde added, smirking.

Gaara nodded in agreement, blatantly ignoring Kankuro’s desperate hand motions and groans to drop the subject. He’d picked on them enough, and the bitter break-up poem that Kankuro’s ex-girlfriend had written about him provided the pair with their chance to fight back. “Why on earth did she think it was a good idea to write that?”

“And why did she put it up on YouTube?” Temari put her food in the microwave and leant against the counter, arms crossed as she smiled at her youngest brother. “It has like three-thousand views now, you know?”

Kankuro slumped back into his chair, sulking.

“Yeah, I know,” chuckled Gaara. “At least a thousand of those are me.”

She tried to stifle another laugh.

“Tem?”

“Yeah, Gaara?”

“Three-thousand-and-one?”

“Oh, yes, I think maybe we should—”

“Okay, enough!” Kankuro called out, through gritted teeth. “You guys really know how to give it, don’t you?”

The redhead shrugged as he turned his attention to the kitchen table and the fruit bowl in the centre. “As do you, ‘soul with the skin of a conker’.” He played with an apple between his hands. “Ana really didn’t leave anything out did she? She wanted it to be very clear it was you she was talking about.”

“And that you were particularly spiky,” added Temari.

“Tem,” Kankuro pleaded, from his hiding place behind the cushions, “your whole job is to stop people feeling like shit. Got to admit, you’re crap at it.”

“You’re not my patient.”

“No, I’m not. But I am your brother.”

“Exactly.”

Gaara nodded to her and raised his apple up as if to get her attention. “Oh, how was your day then?”

“Clearly not as good as yours,” interrupted their brother, the only person unwelcome to the conversation. “You’re far too cheerful these days. Where’s gloomy old Gaara gone who was too cool and too kind to gang up on his big brother?”

All Temari had to do was clear her throat for him to snap his head in her direction. “After living through so many years of being ganged up on by said big brother, are you really surprised he fights back?”

“Yeah, but he never used to have a sense of humour.”

“Have you considered that maybe after all the weight Dad put on his shoulders lifted that things might’ve got a little bit lighter—easier—for him?”

“He is also stood right here.” Gaara took a bite out of his fruit, uncomfortable with the rising tones of his sibling’s voices.

“I’m sorry,” Temari sighed. “I’m glad you’re free to be how you want now, Gaara.”

“So am I, man; I swear.” His older brother put his thumb up. “I just sometimes miss you being the mediator.”

Temari raised her eyebrows, gasping. “Ooh, Kankuro…big word.”

“Look, I’m not stupid—”

“We know, we know,” she giggled. “After all you earn a heck of a lot more money than we do, and you do manual labour all day—I certainly wouldn’t be up for that. I like my comfy chair, my toffees and my chess matches much better, thank you.”

The microwave, very loudly, screamed ping.

The brothers frowned at her, leaning toward their sister with confusion. “Chess matches?” Kankuro enquired before Gaara could finish his mouthful. “You’re a therapist, or psychiatrist—whatever it is you choose to call it—why were you playing chess?”

Quickly she span around and opened the microwave, hoping the smell of ready-made, packeted curry would wake her brain up; tell her what to say. “Well,” she gulped, “I put a chess board in my office just for show, to be honest. You know I like to play, or at least I used to like to play with Baki—we all did—and I thought it’d make the room look more professional. But I actually played today against one of my patients.”

“And…” Kankuro took a sip of his beer, his eyes trained on her constantly. For the first time he seemed actively interested rather than just polite and supportive for the sake of it.

“And it got him to talk when he otherwise wouldn’t,” she mumbled, smiling faintly.

“Was that the one that—”

“That I wanted to punch at first? Yeah. But he was okay; it’s not his fault.” Kankuro nodded slowly, looking down at his lap. She smiled at Gaara, who looked proudly at her for her efforts, and she felt warm inside—suddenly she felt like she had done well, or at least a good deed for the day. Gaara’s smile, the happy face of her once tiny little brother, always made Temari feel like she was a worthy big sister, and that she’d done a good job. She lifted her can to her lips, taking a sip as she did.

“Was he hot?”

Temari spluttered, almost spitting out the small amount of beer in her mouth. “Kankuro, what the hell?”

“Well,” he shrugged, “you did the girly melty eye thing you do.”

“I did not!” she shouted. “Gaara, tell him I didn’t!”

Feebly, Gaara screwed up his nose and shrugged. “You kinda did. In the same way you do when we see the dog rescue shelter adverts on TV.”

“That’s because I feel sorry for them, not because I think they’re hot for crying out loud!”

“But you do think he’s hot,” Kankuro insisted. “You’re fanning yourself with the tea-towel. You always do that when you’re nervous.”

Damn them for knowing me so well, she thought. But I don’t think he’s that hot. Well, maybe a little bit, but only in that sort of…see it and agree kind of way. He’d my patient it’s not like I’m going to jump him. That’d be totally inappropriate.

“What colour hair does he have?” the youngest brother quizzed. “Dark?”

She silently glared back.

“I’m sorry. I was just wondering.”

Temari let out a massive sigh and pulled a fork from the draw behind her. “Black. Like, really really dark black. And it was in a ponytail, messy. He completely didn’t look in a mirror while he was doing it.”

“Yeah, you’re totally into him.”

“Kankuro!”

“Don’t lie to me,” he shot back, laughing.

“I’m not! He’s a patient; it would be totally inappropriate.” She grumbled and took a bite of her food, drooping her shoulders. When she’d finished her mouthful she sighed, mumbling, “Yes, he’s a handsome guy, but I’m not attracted to him. Like I said, he’s a patient.”

Regretfully, Gaara and Kankuro exchanged a look and dropped the subject, and Gaara strode towards his brother and fell down beside him on the sofa. As she watched them chat about their days between the pair of them, leaving her to eat in peace, she couldn’t help but notice how lucky she was to have such a family: one that cared about her so much they didn’t have to tell her because she already knew. Her siblings really were such an important part of her life, and they’d shaped who she was today.

When she saw Kankuro down the remains of his beer, she flicked open the fridge to check there were eggs and bacon inside for her brother’s fry up the next morning, and immediately she knew what he next question would be for Shikamaru Nara when she saw him again.

No, if she saw him again. It wasn’t certain, after all.

Still, she had an inkling that he wasn’t the same as her; he seemed like an only child. Not in the stereotypical brattish way seen so often, the sad and lonely way that makes you feel like nobody is the same as you. It was something she desperately wanted to know and to understand, because it’s something she would never feel, but felt so sorry that anyone had to. She’d always had her brothers and they’d always had her. No matter what, they always would.

And despite their differences in height, hair colour and even gender, they were the same at heart, because they’d all had the same life growing up to some degree. That was something that bound them to one another that an only child, one as alone and miserable Shikamaru, hadn’t the chance to feel.

Nothing seemed sadder to Temari, than the thought of such loneliness. Because despite, how they’d changed and how they drove each other up the wall, nobody understood her like her brothers did, and nobody ever would. To be without them, even with all the friends in the world, would leave her companionless in that special way.

[katsvdeku]

i got your text, baby

pairing: jikook / kookmin genre: fluff word count: 919

if you’ve read this before, i actually posted this on my previous blog before | x-posted on ao3

jimin really hates fridays. one would probably disagree because fridays are the best. fridays meant parties. fridays meant sleeping the night away and waking up late because there’s no classes on the next day.

but for jimin, fridays meant extra hours of dance practice. don’t get him wrong, he loves dancing, but going straight to a four hour long of dance practice after work isn’t really the best, you know. his boyfriend scolded him about it before, threatening that he’ll talk to jimin’s instructor and give him a good punch or two for making his baby mochi practice for four hours on a friday. jimin just giggled at him after that.

it’s not like jimin have a choice, though. he only attends dance practices thrice a week because he’s busy with uni and work.

usually, when jimin gets home on fridays, he would immediately throw his body on the couch, not bothering to go to his room because he’s that exhausted.

but right now, his stomach is grumbling — demanding to get it filled with, well, food. but jimin’s too exhausted to even cook or order himself some food. so, he opts for the easiest way — ask his boyfriend to bring him some.

with a little (read: a lot) effort, he reaches one hand out to the side of the couch to grab his phone. it took him half a minute, but once his phone is in his hand, he wastes no time texting jeongguk, telling him how hungry he is, but he’s too tired to move.

jimin drops his phone to his side once he sends the message. he could already feel his eyes slowly fluttering close, but he’s trying his very damn best to fight it. only for a minute, only for a minute, he tells himself before he completely lets sleep take over his body.

not even half an hour later, jimin awakens to the sound of his door being unlocked. he could hear silent huffs and rustle of plastic bags. that’s probably jeongguk, he thinks.

he opens his eyes and attempts to get up, but fails miserably, a groan slipping past his lips when he only managed to flip his body so that he could see jeongguk. he smiles at his boyfriend, eyes moving down to the plastic bags and…ohmygod is that a box of pizza? fuck, my boyfriend’s a literal angel, i’m blessed.

jimin’s heart speeds up, still having the same feeling just like the first time his boyfriend brought him food at an ungodly hour. god, he’s in so deep.

“i got your text, baby.” jeongguk smiles, raising both of his hands to show the plastic bags of food and the box of pizza.

“i love you so fucking much,” jimin mumbles sleepily as he lifts his arms forward and wiggles his fingers cutely, motioning his boyfriend to come close. jeongguk just chuckles, sauntering towards his boyfriend just to tease him, earning himself a low grumble from jimin.

once jeongguk reaches jimin, he drops everything down and pulls his hyung up, wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s waist and tugging him closer until their bodies are flushed together. jimin blinks up at him, eyes overflowing with affection.

“i missed you so much, gguk-ah.”

“we just saw each other this morning, baby.”

“shut up, i still missed you.”

jeongguk giggles, pinching jimin’s nose and pulls himself out of his boyfriend’s arms. jimin whines, hands reaching for jeongguk, but the taller man dodges him.

“i know you’re really hungry, baby. let’s eat first, then cuddle later, hmm?” jimin pouts, almost (read: completely) forgetting the reason why he asked jeongguk to come. it’s not his fault that just the mere presence of his boyfriend makes his brain forget about everything and just think of jeongguk jeongguk and jeongguk.

⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀

the couple are currenlty seated on the floor, with jimin settled between jeongguk’s legs, a bowl of jjajjangmyeon on his lap and a piece of pizza and chicken in each of his hands. yeah, he’s that hungry. jeongguk isn’t eating that much, just a slice of pizza and watching his cute boyfriend eat are enough to make him feel full. cheesy? always. for jimin.

they’d also feed each other from time to time, but mostly it’s just jimin shoving food into jeongguk’s mouth because kookie, you should eat more!!! i can’t have my baby holding back his hunger just because i’m really hungry.

jeongguk chuckles. “no, really, hyung, i’m not hungry. you can eat everything if you want, i bought all of these for you anyway.”

jimin could only pout then he continues eating.

watching jimin eat or more like staring at jimin’s lips while he’s eating isn’t probably the smartest thing to do because now, jeongguk could only think of kissing jimin breathless.

their bodies are pressed together, with jeongguk’s arms circled around jimin’s waist, completely forgetting about the discarded slice of pizza that he put on the box, and his chin resting on jimin’s shoulder. his eyes are trained on jimin’s lips, gulping at how glossy and kissable it looks at the moment.

jimin turns his head. “what are you star–” jeongguk didn’t let him finish, leaning in to catch jimin’s lips with his. a soft whimper escapes jimin’s lips and jeongguk smiles.

when jeongguk pulls away, he scrunches up his nose cutely. “you taste like jjajjangmyeon.”

“i never asked you to kiss me.”

“yeah, but i wanted to.”

jeongguk dives back in, devouring jimin’s lips like he’s been deprived of it.