#it might be worse now that i've been a dm for a while

[weebsinstash]

I keep thinking of some darker yandere Vox ideas themed around hacking and his hypnosis abilities just because, idk, his obsession developing into the desire to control or pry into your most intimate of parts has been hitting different lately

-I mean, just. Right off the bat could you even imagine dating Vox for a while but being too shy to sleep with him yet and one day he decides he's "helping you" by completely overriding your free will and you're trapped in your own head watching and feeling as you lie on your back as he does whatever he wants. He treats it all intimate and special and it makes you wanna throw up meanwhile he's talking about, how like, 'oh, he was just helping you because you're so anxious, you two shared an intimate moment, he's never been so close to anyone before--'

- sorry, I've just been on soulmate shit so hard lately, so: soulmate Vox with a computer/smartphone/tech Reader and he's just incredibly um "emboldened" by the fact that "you guys match", and the whole, "belonging together" thing. You're his soulmate, and you guys should be sharing everything, right? :) what's your social media? Let him see your friends lists. You don't mind if the hacking stuff also extends to technology stuff outside of your control like peeping at your private DMs right? Oh, do you have the ability to connect your phone with yourself, or other devices with yourself? Better be careful leaving your wifi signal open; he just might jump into it

-Vox installing a virus inside you that tracks your location and things like your heartbeat, oxygen levels, and the current overall state of your body and all its parts. He's basically constantly looking at your... your fucking Sims stats. Are you hungry, tired, horny?

-I mean. When you really consider the possibility of "Reader/Vox are tech and certain human attributes can now be physically altered or modified", that can be both cool and horrifying in of itself. It could really be taken to extremes. Vox doing something to upset you and forcing you to forget about it by hacking into and deleting your actual fucking memories. Deletes memories of friends he doesn't want you hanging out with. Deletes memories of anyone he doesn't like you liking or admiring. Vox trying to forcibly install programs inside of you that can control or influence your personality

-been thinking about how Vox is from the 50s and has electrical powers and how he could in theory personally give you electro shock therapy or could be in favor of having it done to you professionally. If you're a robot like him, he could basically, EMP you and knock you out if he thinks you're "getting hysterical". I just often have ideas about how him and Alastor are from time periods where they threw people into hospitals or medicated people to control them to some real extreme degrees and methods and how this environment might manifest in their behaviors, actions, and opinions

-like me the idea of, you're already in a consensual relationship with him but you're still a little shy but, like, you're happy with him, but, he's so, You Know, that he decides that he just HAS to know more about you and hacks into you or does horrible shit anyways. Plugs into you while you're sleeping to look at your memories or even thoughts if he's worried you're hiding something from him, or even kind of worse, he just. Wants to know everything about you and what's inside your head, including all sorts of menial questions and wanting to know any sorts of habits or preferences or favorite things you have. He's juat utmost violating your body in genuinely the worst possible way by getting inside your actual mind and looking at whatever he wants and it's ranging from, he wants to see why you've seemed kind of anxious lately, to, he wants to know the best way to propose to you, to, he wants to make sure you're not cheating on him (without even the slightest clue to hint you are, he's just genuinely possessive and paranoid), to... wanting to know your favorite foods, colors, what shows do you watch clothes you like: it either becomes a slippery slope of him escalating how invasive he is Or he's just immediately feeling entitled to know everything from the get go

-so I personally don't have any experience in this sort of thing but apparently it can be a pretty big thing between couples that some people REALLY Do Not Like their partners watching porn and I can't help but think of, Reader who is either a new consensual partner/soulmate of Vox or a reluctant one and he's, insulted to find out you've been jacking it to like other people rather than sleeping with him. I'm talking "he's going through your search history" levels of creeping on you about this. He won't stop until he knows Every Single Fetish You Have and he'll use that knowledge against you, either to seduce you or just kind of shame you for not coming to him. Maybe there's even kinks you have he doesn't agree with so now he's like, violating your privacy AND judging you for things you aren't even public about

-you don't even have to be a robot and he has his hypnosis powers so... I also think about... Vox who forces his darling to calm down because you're not "cooperating" aka letting him/whomever else touch you, whether it's him forcing you to also put up with Val, or you're with Vox and Alastor, just Vox being able to completely rob your control of any situation, even nonsexual ones, forcing you to cuddle or try on certain clothes or answer certain questions. He's a greedy insecure egomaniac who's convinced he can buy/force your love no matter what as long as he keeps trying and obsessively finding out every single thing about you. He's pathetic. He's the kinda guy where if he's spying through his drones and catches you with another guy it upsets him so bad he's crying and stalking the dude's entire social media, finding out his name, his address, vowing to ruin his life, sobbing as he screams 'why don't you love me' kind of shit, but, to your face he'll try and be the perfect businessman to sell the image of the ideal partner and eventually husband

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. xiv

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | chapter summary: The final chapter pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 9.2k (I love being insane) chapter warnings: SMUT (18+only) - unprotected sex. Insecurity/Jealousy. Angst/arguments. Discussions of death, blood and injuries. Alcohol & Marijuana use. Fluff. Bisexual reader (happy pride ya'll!). As always please dm for more specifics. a/n: This could probs use another round of proofreading but it would've delayed this even longer sooooo.... Here we go! I feel pretty emo right now and I might make a more in-depth post about my thoughts at a later date bc I just finished writing this in a hot daze so I can't put all my thoughts coherently together. But I just wanna say thank you to everyone who supported and gave love to this story. This is by far the most popular fic I've ever written, and I don't really know how? Or what I did to deserve all the love but I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. Thank you for sticking with me through all the angst and delayed updates and everything. I'll never forget you and I'll never forget Joel x Reader!! Thank you so much, I hope the finale lives up to your expectations! ❤️

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I’m not the kind of man who tends to socialize I seem to lean on old familiar ways….

-May 16, 2024-

“Are you sure you’re okay if I leave you here alone?” 

Ethan’s voice jolts you out of a daze, and you blink your eyes open, realizing that you’d dozed off while sitting upright in a patio chair, the cheesy romance novel you’d been reading still lying open on your lap. Turning to look over your shoulder, you find him standing with one foot on the deck, and one foot still inside, cut in half by the sliding glass door.

Clearing your throat, you straighten up and nod. “Of course. I’ll be fine.”

Ethan studies you carefully, like he’s not entirely convinced. He’s been hesitant to leave you alone unless it’s absolutely necessary – only stepping away from the house to go on patrol shifts and to bring home meals from the mess hall. Recovery has made you feel like a burden to him – to all your friends in the community, really. Everyone….well, almost everyone, has been supportive, but you’ve never been comfortable being openly vulnerable.

Unfortunately, it’s too hard to deny the pain that you’ve been in since the accident, the trouble you have getting around, the exhaustion that clings no matter how many long naps and twelve-hour nights of sleep you get. According to the doctors, being so tired is just part of recovery – rest is important, but the concoction of pain medication you’ve been prescribed only makes your drowsiness and confusion worse. It had been a big deal that tonight you’d mustered the energy to drag yourself outside to sit in the fresh air. 

“I’m fine,” you assure Ethan, once again. “Have fun on your date.”

“It’s not really a date,” he says, almost a little too quickly. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Right,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Do I know who this person is?”

Ethan looks at his feet. “You remember the day this shit happened?” he asks, gesturing towards you. “Before you left on patrol, the girl that said hi to me? It’s her. Her name is Alex.”

“Oh?” you tilt your head, give him a small smile. “She was cute. How’d you ask her out?”

“Well,” he begins, scratching the back of his neck. “I may have…uh, gotten some advice.”

“You didn’t think to ask me?” you’re able to muster up a small smile.

“I would’ve, I just…..” he shakes his head. “It seemed stupid…with everything you have going on.”

“It’s not stupid,” you say, feeling a wave of guilt. Even though he’s the one looking after you, you haven’t spoken to him much about anything going on in his life. In fact, you haven’t really spoken to anyone in a long time, beyond thank you’s and blanket statements like I’m doing better. You feel disconnected, and more lonely than ever. If you ever get enough energy to leave your house, you expect most of the people in the community to have forgotten you exist. “Who’d you ask?”

“Uhm….” Ethan runs a hand through his long dark hair, shifts his weight. “….I’ve been assigned on patrol with Joel Miller a lot lately….so….”

You almost laugh when he uses Joel’s full name. Joel has been such a huge part of your life – sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain – that you don’t need to hear his last name to know who Ethan’s talking about. You could know a thousand Joel’s, and he’d still be the first person that came to mind. But Joel is still a sore subject, and Ethan knows it, which is why you suspect he’s avoided telling you this in the first place. You feel your eyebrows knit together, only able to let out an unenthused. “Oh.”

“I just, you know….he’s a guy. And it sounds like you even liked him at one point so….he must know something, right?” 

“That was a long time ago,” you say quickly, regardless of the fact that he’s right.

It’s probably not fair to blame Joel for everything that has happened to you. You know this, deep down. But you’ve been so helpless and isolated since you’ve woken up in that hospital bed that you’re desperate to find someone to hold accountable. And Joel hadn’t visited you in the hospital once. By this point, he’s abandoned you so many times that your resentment feels justified, even if your current state is not directly his fault. Because it was you, after all, who had walked into the path of those men, too angry to think clearly, too weak to take them down alone. The only person you can blame is yourself, and you really don’t want to.

“Did he tell you to take her out on patrol, make her cry, and almost get her killed?”

Ethan clicks his tongue, looks down, almost ashamed. “No. He did not.”

“You should be careful with Joel,” you warn.

“I was…” Ethan says. “But I don’t think it’s that simple. I think he’s actually alright.” 

“So you’re friends with him now,” you state, hoping he refutes. But instead, he looks up at you, frowns, and lifts his chin.

“What happened to you was horrible. It shouldn’t have happened. And yeah, maybe you think he’s the reason you almost died…. I don’t know the specifics so you can believe whatever you want. But I know that he’s the reason you’re still alive.” Ethan’s voice breaks, and you feel tears brimming your eyes before he continues. “He brought you back here, he donated his blood, he-”

“What?” you cut him off.

“What do you mean, what?” Ethan asks. “He was the only person there who had your blood type. You would’ve died if he didn’t. They didn’t tell you this?” 

“Whatever it took to make him feel less guilty, sounds like,” you say, dismissively.

Something hot burns in your veins, something that must have always been there since you woke up, but you’re only feeling it now. It’s unsettling, Joel being a part of you that way. Your lives had already seemed intertwined enough already. But now, he’s inescapable.

“Well, he stayed by your side every night while you were asleep. Fuck, I mean, he was probably there just as often as I was. He made sure I ate, and slept and showered and… and he never once asked for anything in return. He cares about you as much as I do, clearly, so I don’t think it’s wrong to think he’s a good guy….”

You must not care about me that much, you want to say, but you stop yourself. Because it’s not true, and you’d only be saying it to hurt him. You have nothing to defend yourself with, no way to convince him otherwise, and so you just stare at him until he shakes his head and slips back inside.

Ethan is stubborn, he always has been. And it’s a special kind of stubbornness, fueled by anger – so common in most of the young people you meet these days. You understand why they’re all like this. When you’re robbed of your childhood – you get stuck there….waiting….. Like someday you’ll have a chance to do it all over again, regardless of how obvious it is that you won’t. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-May 25, 2024-

Things get better, albeit slowly. You begin to wean off the pain medication, which makes you more alert. It’s still difficult to leave your house, but you can move around it more easily, and you don’t spend all your days sleeping. Luckily, you aren’t as stir-crazy as you’d been expecting. 

One afternoon, Ellie Williams shows up on your doorstep with a bag full of groceries. 

“Maria wanted me to bring these to you,” she says when you open the door. “She told me to tell you she’ll be over tomorrow, but she wanted me to give you these to tide you over.”

“That’s very nice. Thank you for bringing them to me,” you try to take the bag from her hands, but she steps back just a little, like she’s unsure if you should be carrying anything. You let your hands drop to your sides. “Would you like to come in?” 

Ellie hesitates for a split second, adjusting the bag in her arms, and then nods. “Sure.” 

Stepping to the side, you allow her into the home. Because of how warm it is outside, you’ve opened all the windows to let the breeze through. 

“Sorry for the mess,” you say, Ellie following you into the living room. There are stacks of books and pill bottles with instructions scattered on your countertop. You haven’t swept the floors in awhile and all the hard surfaces are covered in a thin layer of dust. It’s not really that bad, but you don’t have the energy or strength to be on your feet for long – let alone to clean the house. 

“I don’t mind,” Ellie says. “It’s not even that bad. I don’t know why older people worry about leaving your house messy and shit….no offense.”

“There was a time it used to matter,” you tell her. “And I see where you’re coming from, but my thing is – if you’re going to live somewhere, you should do what you can to make yourself feel comfortable.” 

Ellie purses her lips, as if you’ve made a good point but she doesn’t know how to answer. Instead, you continue. “Can I get you anything? Water?” 

“No, I’m okay,” she puts the bag on your kitchen counter.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you tell her. “I just need a moment to put these away.”

When you walk into your living room a few minutes later, she’s hovering near your record player, looking through the vinyls. The turntable was already in the house when you’d arrived years ago, but it was buried in the closet and broken. Ethan had managed to fix it after a little troubleshooting and scavenging for parts. Now, you both were always looking for records to bring home, and had amassed quite the eclectic collection – jazz, funk, hip-hop, and everything in between. 

“Wow,” Ellie says, running her fingers along the shelved records. “You found all these?”

“Some of them were already here. But yeah. Ethan and I are always on the lookout on patrol. I can play you something. What do you like?”

“Eighties, I think,” she says. “But…I also haven’t heard as much.” 

“Well here,” you thumb through the records, pull out a worn copy of Speaking In Tongues. “How about some Talking Heads?” 

You pass the record over to her, and she stares at you blankly. It’s only then that you realize — she’s never used a record player before. There’s a familiar pang of sadness before you show her how. 

“Are you feeling better?” Ellie eyes you wearily once the music starts, and you settle onto the couch, feeling a little worn out after being on your feet.

“Yes,” you say. “I’m older now, so it seems like healing takes a lot more time.”

Ellie nods, then bobs her head to the music a little. “This is better than most of the stuff Joel likes.” 

“Oh yeah,” you smirk, and instinctually, you recall his enthusiasm for all things old-school country. “I remember that,” you say softly.

With so much time on your hands lately, you’ve found yourself thinking of Joel a lot, reminiscing on the time you’d spent with him and Sarah. What Ethan had told you about him staying by your side was definitely making you reconsider your assessment of him, even if you were still hesitant. It was probably a trap to think you’d ever be able to feel those things with him again, but if remembering them brought you comfort, you weren’t going to resist it. 

“You’re more than welcome to come over to listen anytime,” you offer, and she nods excitedly. 

Ellie stays for longer than you expect. You talk a fair bit. She tells you about what she’s learning in school – but mostly how ‘fucking useless’ it is. She wanders around your living room and pokes through your stuff without asking, but you don’t think to stop her – you just answer her questions and let her be curious.

Eventually, the sun dips below the horizon, and she excuses herself to go home, insisting that Joel will ‘fucking kill her’ if she’s out too late. Even though you’re exhausted after entertaining her for a few hours, you find it feels nice. Being on house arrest, essentially, had left your starved for connection outside Maria and Ethan.

You see her out the door before returning to your refrigerator to look for something to eat. Ethan will be back from patrol any minute, so it may be nice to make him something even if you have almost no energy.

But when there’s another knock on your front door, you’re shocked to see who you find staring on your porch. 

Joel.

You almost forget to speak at the sight of him. It’s been weeks since your accident and he might as well have moved away from Jackson since you hadn’t seen him at all. 

“Hey,” you say, tentatively, taking him in. He seems preoccupied – cheeks flushed, hair rumpled, and out of breath, like he had run all the way to get here.

“Have you seen Ellie?” he asks, not even greeting you in return. “I’ve looked everywhere and I-

“You just missed her,” you cut him off, not because you’re trying to dismiss him, but because he's clearly distressed. “I’m surprised you didn’t see her on your way over.”

Joel sighs, eyes closing in relief. “Thank God.” For a second, you glimpse the frazzled and overworked father you used to know. “She stayed out too late, had me worried sick.” 

“She’s fine,” you say. “Although she did say you might kill her if she didn’t get home soon.” 

Joel gives you an almost imperceptible smile, but seems mostly irritated by Ellie’s suggestion. “I would do no such thing.” He shakes his head and takes two steps backwards. “Thank you. Didn’t mean to be a bother.” 

Your mind floats to a memory of Joel on your front porch, late getting home from work and looking for Sarah, and you can’t help but feel a bit of sadness and longing for a simpler time, a surge of affection. 

Joel is halfway down your front porch steps when you speak again. “You aren’t bothering me.”

He pauses, turns to look over his shoulder. There’s something he wants to say, you can feel it, and you step outside, letting the door fall shut behind you and remaining huddled against the siding, and he turns to face you fully, sighing. “I’ve been meaning to stop by, actually….” 

“Oh…really?” you can’t keep the surprise from your voice, and he notices.

“Yeah,” Joel rubs his fingers together, a nervous habit of his you know all too well. “Yeah. I- well, I wanted to apologize to you.”

You’re so startled by the words you can’t answer right away. But the split second of hesitation causes Joel to continue, looking to fill the empty space. 

“I’ve been waiting to find the right thing to say….but it doesn’t seem like that’ll ever happen. I’m not even sure I know where to start.” 

“Oh,” is all you can manage, still taken aback. The only thing that doesn’t surprise you about his admission is the sincerity. You could say a lot of things about Joel, but he isn’t a liar. He always tells the truth. Maybe it’s why he pulled away from you to begin with. It’s easier than the alternative – spending time with you, which would force him to be honest. For how much you’ve changed, you’d probably do the same. 

But the thing with Joel is that you’re exhausted. You’re tired of the back and forth, of the push and pull, of the constant struggle to hold your care over each other's head, hoping the other will break first. Maybe this is a fresh start. 

You step closer to him, and you see him study the way you move. Of course, you’re trying to look strong, but he can surely sense the weakness. He’d always been good at that, better than any of the others. Your hand comes to rest on the porch railing for support. 

But…..

There’s that voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you this is a mistake. The one that reminds of the pain you’ve often earned through vulnerability. It likes to think it’s served you, protected you, and it has. But it’s not always right.

“I suppose I owe you an apology, too,” you say. “At the very least I should thank you for what you did.”

Joel shakes his head, dismissively, but looks to where your hand rests on the porch railing, looks back up to you as he reaches out. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

His hand clasps over yours, and to anyone else, this might be nothing. It’s so innocent, unassuming. But the effect it has on you is palpable. He squeezes once, and you flip your hand over, squeezing his back, giving him a gentle smile. “I am too.” 

Joel’s eyes fill with a warmth you haven’t seen in twenty years, and your stomach flutters, your heart races. A part of yourself that you’d considered long dead seems to rouse.“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I told Ellie we’d go to the mess hall together,” Joel says. “Otherwise I would.”

You blink once, and Joel sees it, immediately continuing on. “But maybe Ellie and I can come another time, join you and Ethan?”

“Yeah. He’d like that,” you say. “That might be nice.” ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-June 20, 2024-

You think that at the end of a long winter, bears must hate coming out of hibernation. 

It must suck. They spend months sleeping, doing almost nothing, and then suddenly they’re forced to function again – to hunt, to eat, to roam, to survive and socialize. You imagine there has to be a learning curve, a desire to crawl back into their den and never leave again. 

Or maybe you could be wrong, and they love it. And you’re just a wimp who hates feeling uncomfortable.

All you know is that you’re huddled in the back corner of the Tipsy Bison, nursing a whiskey – and it’s the last place you want to be. 

You’re overwhelmed. 

And despite the fact that you regularly used to attend community events, it’s been so long since you've been out in Jackson that you feel like you don’t belong. To some extent, you’ve always felt this – too hardened by the outside world to fully assimilate, especially when the town throws dances. But in the past, you at least attempted to convince yourself otherwise. 

Two weeks back, the doctors had cleared you to go about your daily activities as normal  – within reason, of course – but you hadn’t exactly jumped at the opportunity. Tonight, Ethan had accused you of becoming ‘antisocial’ and ‘reclusive’. You had agreed to attend – but only to beat those allegations. So far, you are definitely not. 

You scan the crowd, taking in the people spinning around the dance floor. Some of the women are wearing dresses. You can’t help but feel a little envious of how easily they’re able to perform femininity, which is something you’d given up on a while ago. It hadn’t exactly served you before arriving in Jackson, and you predict it would be humiliating to start trying now. After all the things you’d experienced, you were left marred with scars and wrinkles, stretch marks and loose skin. Since then, you’ve remained loyal to the combination of men’s denim and tank tops with flannel-button downs overtop. 

It doesn’t always stop the men in the community from descending like vultures. You might be the last pick – there are plenty others who are younger and prettier – but you’re still an option. Bea, your old partner, had always theorized that some men were particularly drawn to sapphic women, that it was ‘the ultimate challenge’. Maybe there is some truth to her theory, but you like men….sometimes. So there is always a part of you that yearns for their validation, for as many times as you tell yourself you don’t want it. But it never feels good to get it after you’ve watched them exhaust all their other options.

It’s pathetic, but it makes you think of Joel. He and Ellie had been over to yours and Ethans last week for a nice dinner, and you had tried to gauge whether there was any romantic connection between you still. Occasionally, you’d caught him looking at you with a wistful smile, but he could have been lost in thought. It’s not like you needed that from him or anything, but it might be useful information. After all this time, Joel is still so handsome, and probably has an impressive selection of potential partners here in Jackson – women of all ages. You hope he’s not here tonight – you can’t see much besides the dance floor at this point – because the thought of him cozied up to anyone here, combined with the acrid taste of the drink in your hand, makes you want to gag. 

You take another look around the room. Eugene, your partner in crime – quite literally – is walking towards you, which helps quell your spiraling mind . If you talk to him, say hello to Tommy and Maria, maybe Ethan will see the effort you’re making and you can sneak out without having to deal with anyone. It’s wishful thinking, but it’s worth a shot. The sooner you can get home tonight, the better.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel can’t stop staring. 

He knows it’s impolite. He knows that he’s not being subtle. He knows that if any other person in this bar followed his eyeline, they’d pick up on what he was doing in an instant. But every minute he doesn’t get called out for it, he becomes more and more emboldened. 

It’s the first dance he’s ever been to in Jackson, and the only reason he’s here is to placate Ellie and Tommy. But even they have abandoned him in favor of better companions – his brother is deep in conversation with Maria, sitting across from him in a booth, and Ellie is out on the dance floor dancing with one of her new friends, Dina.

Joel just can’t help himself. He still feels guilty for what he’s done, but he can’t shake the feeling of a soft hand clasped within his own – the first time he’d felt any semblance of hope since arriving here. Tommy and Maria had already slyly let him know about all the women who were interested, but he couldn’t bring himself to entertain their advances. There’s only one he wants, and she won’t even look in his direction.

When he’d first noticed you, you were whispering with Eugene on the opposite side of the dance floor. According to Tommy, you spend a fair bit of your time with the old man, which Joel initially thought to mean that you had some sort of entanglement. At first, Joel thought that couldn’t be possible. But you were deep in focus as you listened to Eugene’s words, nodding and leaning in closer and closer, and Joel thinks Tommy might be right. He wants to understand what you see in this man – tall and unkempt, covered in tattoos with long, graying hair and a beard to match. But Joel catches himself in his judgment, he’s probably just as unappealing – not just because of how he’s aged, but because of how horrible he’s been to you in general. 

The next time Joel sees you, you’re at the bar, chatting with a man who Maria had introduced him to not long ago, a resident who is new in town. Joel had been too busy focusing on the fact that he’d been in Jackson long enough to not be its newest resident that he couldn’t remember his name. He wishes he had, so he could keep tabs on him. Of course, he can’t blame the man for being drawn to you – Joel knows very well that you’re hard to miss in a crowd. 

Still, Joel bristles when you both step away from the bar, and the man’s hand lands just above your sacrum. He actually finds himself tensing up, resisting the urge to intervene, because it��d likely only make you angry. Plus, maybe you are interested. That question is answered quickly when you reach behind your to clasp the man's hand and place it back at his side. Where it belongs, he thinks.

“Joel!”

He snaps his attention to what’s in front of him – interrupted, and probably for good measure, lest he get himself too worked up. Ethan approaches with a girl his age, her arm linked through his. Joel stands to greet them. 

The terse understanding between himself and Ethan while you were still in the hospital had somehow turned into a friendship, especially after they’d begun getting paired up on patrol. Ethan reaches out for Joel’s hand to dap him up, slinging an arm briefly over his shoulder.

“How’s it going, kid?” 

“Good, good,” Ethan nods, pulling back, and gestures to the girl next to him. “Joel, this is Alex.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says. “Ethan’s told me all about you.” 

“Really?” Joel asks, feeling a little bewildered. 

“Only good things,” Alex says quickly, as if she senses his apprehension. Ethan puts his arm around her waist. Joel recalls a few weeks back when he’d asked for advice on how to ask out a girl. Joel hadn’t pried at the time, but now he seems to understand, and is surprised by the swell of pride he feels. “Ethan says you’re a fucking badass,”she giggles after she swears.

Joel looks over at Ethan. “I don’t know about that.” 

He shrugs, changes the subject. “Since when do you come to these things?” Ethan asks.

“Ellie dragged me out,” Joel answers.

“I did the same with my aunt,” Ethan chuckles. “But now I can’t find her, and I’m pretty sure she’s escaped.”

“Oh, is she here?” Joel plays dumb, like he hasn’t been aware of exactly where you have been all night. “I haven’t seen her.”

“I think she was with Eugene earlier,” Alex has to stand on her toes to speak into Ethan’s ear. Joel watches Ethan’s nose wrinkle. 

“Do you know Eugene at all?” Ethan turns to Joel. “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on there, but she won’t say anything.” 

Joel wishes that he had more information. “Tommy says they seem close.”

“I know that,” Ethan says. “I wish she would just be honest with me. It’s not like I would be mad. Whatever,” he shakes his head. “We can talk about it another time. I just want to find her so I can introduce her to Alex.”

“We should say hi to Tommy and Maria first,” Alex says, and Ethan nods in agreement before saying goodbye to him. Joel claps a hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he moves past him, and Alex gives him a shy smile in acknowledgement. 

Focusing back on the crowd, Joel realizes that you’ve vanished in the short span of his last interaction. Maybe you’d rejected that guy, and then he’d retaliated. Maybe you’d gone home with Eugene. Joel shakes his hand. It’s none of his business. He doesn’t need to get involved. It’s not his job to look after you, regardless of how much better he feels when he does. Old instincts. He can’t help himself.

He settles on watching Ellie and Dina spin each other around on the dance floor. Eventually, Tommy and Maria, then Ethan and Alex all trickle out of the booth to go get another round or head to dance. Joel stands to release the booth to someone who actually needs it – and is left in the corner, nursing a nearly empty beer that’s now flat and warm. He looks towards his family and friends, but for some reason, he still feels alone. 

Joel isn’t sure how long he stands sulking, but he starts when someone approaches from behind.

“Having fun?”

You’re a pace or two back, one thumb hooked through a belt loop, a whiskey in your opposite hand. Joel looks back at the crowd a moment, then at the ground. “No.” 

“Neither am I,” you commiserate, stepping alongside him. 

Joel considers offering that Ethan was looking for you, but selfishly does not want to give you a reason to leave, so he stays quiet. You observe the dance floor like he is, smiling slightly at the sight of Ethan and Alex dancing. The flannel you’re wearing over a gray tank hangs loosely off one shoulder, and Joel wants to reach out and touch the exposed skin. You take your last sip of whiskey, bring a finger to swipe under your bottom lip, and Joel wishes he knew what you might taste like right now. He scolds himself for fantasizing.

You don’t speak either, and you stand in silence for a while, until you eventually pop your hip, shifting closer to him. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re already standing so close that your arm gets pressed up against his. Neither of you acknowledge the contact, but Joel is acutely aware of how your skin burns hot against his own. He feels comforted by the affection, even if it’s unintentional.

“Want to leave?” Joel asks, and can hardly believe that the words came out of his mouth, even if he wanted them to. 

You look over at him, not bothering to hide your surprise, but your expression evens out quickly, and you give him a single nod. “Yeah.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel’s still not convinced this is real. It feels too much like a dream, the weather outside is so pleasantly warm it feels like he’s floating as you walk down the street. He had never expected you to agree to leave with him, and now he doesn’t know what to do, or what to say.

The greater distance you put between yourselves and the bar, the quieter the town is. Most of Jackson’s residents are at the dance, save for the guards at the front gate and the handful of people that had been mingling just outside.

He heads in the general direction of the neighborhood, even though he lives on a different street. 

“What are we supposed to do now?” you wonder out loud, and you sound a little incredulous, like you’re equally as shocked to find yourself beside him. The question carries a bit more weight than it would have coming from anyone else.

Joel contemplates. He’s not sure what he wants from you – there are a lot of things, actually – but he doesn’t know if he really deserves any of them. For now, your companionship is more than enough.

“You’re welcome to come back to mine,” he offers.  “But if you’re looking to keep drinking, all the booze is back at the bar.”

“I’m good.” You shake your head like you’re uninterested, but look over at him with a sparkle in your eye. “I have something better….” 

You reach into the pocket of your flannel and produce a rolled joint between two fingers, looking over your shoulder. “Those dances are usually terrible, so I always come prepared.” 

Joel can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, and the sheepish grin he gets in return makes his cheeks feel warm. “Where’d you even get that?”

“You’ve never been on patrol with Eugene, have you?” you ask. “He has a place just out of town where he grows it. I’ve been helping him since we first got paired up, and in exchange, I get to sample the supply.”  

Of course. Joel would’ve never imagined that was the reason you were so close with Eugene, but it suddenly makes incredible sense. He shakes his head in a combination of relief and amusement. “You really haven’t changed.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I have,” you answer, smiling to yourself and looking at the ground. “But of course I haven’t shaken all my bad habits.”

“That’s not true,” Joel mutters.

“Well, you haven’t changed either, for as much as you’ve tried to convince me,” you nudge him gently, offering him the joint. “What do you think?” 

Joel plucks it from between your fingers and puts it between his lips. “I think I have a lighter at home.”

“Sounds perfect.” 

In the front hallway of his house, you slip out of your tennis shoes, shuffling behind him in your socks, pausing occasionally to study some of the doodles that Ellie had drawn and hung on the walls – it wasn’t exactly a priority to decorate these days, but they certainly livened up the place. He knows how much Ellie likes you, despite the fact that she doesn’t gush, but the odd comment here and there says as much. Joel remembers how difficult it had been to keep Sarah away, and Ellie now is no different. He doesn’t seem to be able to help himself, either. 

You sit next to Joel on his wicker couch, curling your feet up under you as he lights the joint and study him while he takes the first few puffs. He does it without thinking. That’s how soft Jackson has made him. Normally, he’d be too stressed about being out of his wits. But he can’t see how hypervigilance has served him since settling down. He feels safe here, and somehow especially because he’s with you. 

When he passes the joint your way, you look at him wistfully. “Old times,” you say with a grin. 

Joel nods as he exhales, coughing. “Old times.” 

“Oh yeah,” you say, as if you just remembered something. “You can’t tell Ethan about this. He doesn’t know, and he will give me shit about it. I need him to take me seriously.” 

Joel shakes his head. “Well, you know, it sounds like he and Tommy both think you and Eugene are together.”

“What?” your head jerks forward in shock, eyes going wide. “Oh my god, no. Do people think that?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Joel wants to mention how he had seen you whispering to each other at the bar earlier, but then realizes it’d give a bit too much away. “That’s what they think.”

“Well....historically speaking I might’ve liked older men…. but not that old.”

Joel purses his lips. “You’ve lived here awhile, huh?” When you nod, he continues. “Has no one caught your eye?” 

“Uhm….not really. But….” you trail off, looking into Joel’s backyard. “To be completely honest, I  don't think about that much these days. I guess I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for. I don’t want to push it.”

Joel understands, and nods pensively.

“What about you?” you ask. 

“I guess I feel the same.”

That causes you to smile a little bit, look over at him. “I bet you already know this. But the women here would line up down the block for you.”

Joel can’t help but roll his eyes, though he wonders if you would, too. Even if you did like him, that didn’t seem like your style. 

“I’m serious. I’ve heard the things they whisper behind your back. All their fantasies about you are pretty creative...”

“Fantasies?” He grimaces. He imagines none of them know anything about who he really is. You’re the closest thing, and all he’s done is hurt you. “I’m sure you were quick to set them straight.” 

“I don’t say anything,” you say, then continue on, a little quieter, looking at him from under your lashes. “I like to keep you to myself.” 

Joel isn’t sure how to respond to that. You have every right to tell all of them that you were once together, and all the ways he’s hurt you since. Yet for some reason, you’ve chosen to protect him. 

“So….all this time….” you wonder. “You had to have been with other people, right?”

Joel doesn’t think to hold back. “I had a partner for a long time. Tess. First, it was all business, I helped her smuggle things in and out of the Boston QZ…and then, I don’t know….we got along, we trusted each other and…” Joel trails off, hoping you’d put together the rest before he has to go into too much detail. “She was real fuckin’ tough. Scared me a little at first. You would’ve liked her.”

“Well, we already have one thing in common. What happened?”

“She’s the whole reason I ended up out here….with Ellie,” Joel explains. “But I lost her a little over a year ago.”

He hopes you don’t ask how. Maybe someday he’d be willing to go into detail, but talking about it generally is hard enough as it is. But fortunately, you seem to pick up on his hesitance. “I’m sorry, Joel,” you say softly.

He shakes his head. “I was an asshole. To her. I should've....after Sarah died I didn’t want to get attached, so I kept her at arms length and I... I wished I hadn’t in the end. It only made things worse.”

“Yeah,” you nod, look down. “I’ve made that mistake before.”

Joel doesn’t want to linger any longer on the memory. “What about you? Were you with anyone?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you fidget, looking uncomfortable. “I had a partner….for like ten years."

Ten years? He had been with Tess for more, but something about that information feels jarring. He’s shocked Tommy never told him this. Did Tommy even know? Suddenly, it dawns on Joel everything that could’ve happened to you since you’ve been apart. Entire lifetimes. And he’d said such horrible things when you’d fought. He remembers your face when he’d told you that you didn’t know what it was like to lose a child. Maybe you had. He’d been so cruel and inconsiderate just because he was uncomfortable. 

His throat feels tight, almost scared to learn anymore. “What…what was his name?”

“Well, Bea….was her name.” 

Joel is sure he doesn't hide the shock well. “Sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Yeah,” you say. “I don’t think I did either. Well, I sort of did, but I was too young I think when I first realized to make any sense of it, but…. I met her and…yeah,” then, you smirk. “I mean, I went to an all-girls school and I had a really bad relationship with my dad so…it definitely makes sense. ” 

Joel considers this, smiles along with you. “But anyways. Her and I met shortly after my brother died and it was kind of the same. We kept each other alive, things developed from there. We ended up getting involved with this group who lived in the middle of nowhere. That’s a whole other story, but…” you wave your hand. “I loved her, and I lost her right before Ethan and I got here.” 

Joel sees all the pain in your eyes, and wishes he could say something to take it all away. He knows he can’t. You look back out into the woods in his backyard, take a deep breath, and reach back towards the joint that you had put out not long before, lighting it again. Joel gets the sense that both of you had done the most amount of sharing possible for the time being. 

“Look at us,” you take another drag before passing it over. “Old times.”

“Old times,” he repeats, a smile working its way onto his face. 

“This used to be my favorite thing to do with you.” 

“It was nice,” Joel agrees….hesitates before continuing. “But I can think of some things I liked better.” He gives you a knowing look, and you roll your eyes, laughing easily at his joke. It feels so good to make you laugh, to see you smile. Why had he spent so much time resisting?

“Touche.” 

What happens next spills out of Joel so quickly he doesn’t think to stop it. “I tried to look for you….after all this happened. I didn’t have Sarah anymore, and I thought maybe….I don’t know. It was the only thing that kept me going for a while.”

“I did too,” you confess. “But…I was with Vincent and Ethan, and I felt like I couldn’t leave them alone for something that might just be…. I always hoped you both made it. And I’m so sorry she’s gone. I really did love her.” 

“I know you did,” Joel reaches out to take your hand. “I know. And I shouldn’t have said those things I did. I’m still not sure why you’ve been so patient with me.”

“Hmm,” you shift so that you’re closer to him. “You waited around for me back then. It’s only fair that I’d wait around for you now. I want you in my life. I don’t care what that looks like. But it’s too hard to forget about a person that you loved.” 

Joel wants as much from you as you’re willing to give, and he can’t tear his gaze away from you. But he wants you to see him, all of him, before he takes it. 

“I’ve let a lot of people down. I’ve done a lot of h-horrible things,” his voice cracks, and tears well in his eyes. 

“I have, too, you know? Those things still live with me. But I think what matters is who we are now,” you reach out, fingertips brushing the scar on his temple, and Joel swears that even if you don’t know the story behind it, you can see right through him. “And I know who you are.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” 

“You won’t,” you say. “No more than anyone else has. And if it makes you feel better…when people hurt me, I’ve gotten pretty good at hurting them back.” 

“If I do, I’d hope you would.”

“I will. I promise,” your thumb strokes his cheek, marveling at him. “I would suggest a blood oath or something but….I heard we kind of already did that…”

He’s given you every warning, every barrier, and you’re still here. He can’t believe it, and he doesn’t think he can hold back any longer. “Come here.”

He kisses you. He wishes that he could be slow and tender and gentle like he used to be – and certainly he’s still capable, but he realizes that he’s been depriving himself of something he wanted for so long, and can’t seem to control himself. 

Your hands land on the side of his face, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you onto his lap. Maybe you’re somewhat taken aback by his urgency, you hum against his lips, but you don’t resist at all. Joel maneuvers you so you’re straddling his thighs, and he grips your hips, your ass, coasts his hands up your side. Your lips part in a moan, and he slips his tongue into your mouth. 

For a while, he stays there, savors the taste of you, whiskey and smoke still lingering on your lips. His hands cup your jaw, feel your body, grip and squeeze and stroke and you let him, continue to let him. He tries everything, wondering if you’ll tell him to stop, if you’ll decide you’ve had too much, but you don’t. Then again, he should know by now that you’re a woman who knows what she wants. He just finds it’s hard to believe that he’s the thing you want.

You break away from him, just a little, and Joel presses his nose to your neck, kisses your pulse point. 

“Should we go upstairs?” your voice is raspy and breathless. “Will Ellie be home soon?” 

“Probably not for a while. We can be quick.”

“Hopefully not too quick,” you raise your eyebrows. Joel can’t help but laugh a little. He relishes in the way your hands rake up and down his arms, exploring him, touching him. Of course he wants you, but even just this would be enough. He’d be content with less, he hadn’t realized how starved of affection he’d been.

You’re able to pry yourselves off one another to make it up the stairs, and Joel guides you with a hand to the small of your back. When you get to his bedroom, he opens the door, but stops you before you go inside. 

“Hold on,” Joel mutters, winding one arm around your waist, the other behind your knee.

“Joel, what-no, you’ll–” he pulls you into his arms. 

“Do you really think I’m not strong enough?”

“I didn’t say that,” you chuckle as he carries you over the threshold and into the bedroom, breath puffing against him before he lays you down on the bed. 

When he hovers over you, your fingers wind into his hair, nails raking against his scalp. He savors every sweet sigh he’s able to pull from you, hands cupping your breasts and squeezing your hips. You’re so pliant and open beneath his body, it makes it easier to not feel guilty about what he’s doing. He knows he shouldn’t feel guilty, you’ve said as much, but it might take some time before the feeling will die completely. Hopefully, he has enough time with you to see it off completely.

Clothes are removed quickly, intentionally, as you both bare more and more of yourself to each other. And while he wishes he could’ve been there to see the ways in which your body has changed, you’re still as beautiful as ever. 

Joel, however, is hesitant to give himself away completely. When you tug at the hem of his shirt, he hesitates. 

“I don’t know if-” he pauses. “If you want to see all that.”

“Joel,” you stare at him knowingly, kneeling across from him as he stands at the edge of the bed. “I do.” 

So he releases your hand, and lets you pull it over his head. Carefully, you study him, his body littered with scars. He knows he’s not as in shape as you remember. These days, he hardly can look at himself in the mirror after a shower. He expects you to be disgusted, or at least see it flit across your face before you compose yourself, but you don’t. Your fingertips drag through the smattering of hair on his chest and down his torso, tracing several prominent scars – each one with a story – but you linger on the one at his abdomen, frowning. 

He sees the question on your face, but you don’t ask it. Instead, you return to press yourself against him. “I’m so glad you’re still here….”

You kiss him, then, and Joel can only kiss you back. 

Joel isn’t the only one with battle scars. Some of them he feels are his fault, but you seem less self-concious about them, which gives him a surprising amount of confidence. Maybe it’s just a reality of what happens when you make it this long. 

When you’re finally bare beneath him, he admires how you look, stretched out and waiting, chest heaving and shivering with anticipation. He slides his hand between your legs – feels you already wet and warm, sinking two fingers inside. Your walls flutter around the intrusion, back arcing off the bed when you sigh out his name. Joel.

He’d forgotten how nice it felt to hear that. 

Joel is already thinking about what he’d like to do to you next time. He’d be more careful, more patient. He’d bury his face between your thighs to see if you tasted as good as he remembers, he’d let your fingers curl into his hair. But right now you both seem desperate for the same thing. 

He pumps his cock a few times with his hand, he can’t remember the last time he’d been this hard – the last time he’s wanted anyone this badly. Even with Tess, it had always felt like the both of them were hurrying to scratch an itch, her eyes would wander like she was thinking of other people, and maybe he was, too. 

Joel lines himself up with your slick cunt, teases you a little, and you roll your body down to meet him, gasping when his blunt head slides in – just a little. 

He can’t hold back. You practically suck him in, so tight and hot around him he finds it immediately overwhelming, but he doesn’t even think to pull out. Only when he’s fully seated inside you, and given you a chance to adjust, does he start to move. 

It’s euphoric. You’re both older now, more mature, but he still remembers all the things you liked, even if it takes a moment for him to find the spot inside you that makes you cry out, legs wrapping around his hips. 

Unlike before, you don’t bother trying to hide from him. You kiss him, hold him, touch him, look him in the eyes, tell him how good he feels – you don’t hold back. Joel relishes every word you say, clings to the praise and gives it back. Your lashes flutter when he tells you how pretty you look.

He can think of nothing else other than bringing you pleasure, can tell you’re getting close when you begin to rut against him, and he reaches down to let the pads of his fingers slide over your clit.

When you come, you whine his name, lock your lips with his own and he swallows your moans. The feeling of you so impossibly tight and wet and pulsing and squeezing him so tightly has him following closely after. 

His head is still buried in the crook of your neck when you speak again. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

The second Joel pulls out, he starts missing how close he felt to you. But you fix that by rolling over onto your stomach, curling up at his side, head on his chest, and arm across his stomach. 

“Joel. Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

He’s far from it. But he’s starting to think if you say it enough, maybe he’ll start to believe it. He turns his head to kiss you gently, slowly. “So are you.” 

“We can do this again, right?” you ask. 

“Yes,” he says. “Yes, we can.”

“Good,” you settle back against him, and very slowly, he dozes off with you right beside him. He doesn’t want to sleep alone again, and luckily, he doesn’t have to. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-December 4th, 2026-

When you return home from patrol, you find Joel in his living room – boots off and socked feet propped on the arm of the couch. You don’t notice his eyes are closed, that he’s asleep, until you get closer, see the book he’d been reading resting on his chest as he snores lightly. You can’t help but feel for him – he’s probably exhausted from constant patrols, so he must be tired. 

But mostly, you’re just overwhelmed by the love you feel for him, catching him in a quiet moment of vulnerability. Hesitantly, you reach out and squeeze his foot. It’s gentle and tender enough that he blinks his eyes open and looks around, taking in his surroundings, rather than jolting awake like he often does. When he sees you on the opposite end of the couch, he melts back into the pillow he’s propped against. 

“Hey, stud,” you lean against the arm of the couch. 

“Hey,” Joel answers, voice still gruff with sleep. “How long was I out?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just got in.”

“Hmm,” Joel closes his eyes again, folds his hands across his stomach.

“You’re wearing the glasses I got you,” you point out. They’re simple. Rectangular black frames. You’d found them on patrol, and brought them home after Joel had been complaining that he could barely see when he read before bed. But he’d tried them on and insisted he hated the way they looked, so you’d ended up using them most of the time.

“They do work,” he grumbles, like he’s ashamed to admit it. “But I still think they look stupid.”

“You look like a sexy librarian,” Joel rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s suppressing a grin. There’s always a bit of defiance about him, he can’t fully admit how you get him so flustered even after you’ve spent so much time together. You press your thumb into the arch of his foot and he groans. “That feel good?” you ask. 

“Yes.”

“Whatcha reading?” You gesture towards the book. 

“Some book about the moon landing,” Joel lifts it off of his chest, where it lay face down and open, looks at the back cover. “For Ellie.”

“How sweet.”

“It’s a little dry,” he deadpans. “But she likes this stuff.” 

You shift your massage to his other foot. Joel stretches, his arms lifting above his head, the shirt he’s wearing rides up just so, so you see a sliver of his lower belly before it disappears again, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

“Are you tired?” you ask. 

“Always,” he says through a yawn. 

“Me too,” you yawn along with him, since they’re contagious. He pulls the glasses from their perch on the bridge of his nose and shuts the book, placing them both on the coffee table in front of him. You take your hands off his feet and he sits up a little straighter, holding out his hand. 

“Come ‘ere,” he says, and you do. 

He grunts as you settle into his arms, head nestled against his chest, sprawling out almost on top of him, the only way you both can fit like this on the couch.

“You’re so warm,” you say softly, letting him wrap his arms around you. 

“You’re cold. Your hands are freezing,” he holds them in his own.

“It’s cold out.”

“Don’t know why you left today.”

“Obligations. Patrol.”

“Fuck that.”

You laugh into his chest, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “You know, I think we might be boring.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, we don’t really leave the house. We spend all day reading. And we’re old.”

“We’re not that old.”

“But we’re getting up there.”

“Sure, but…” Joel trails off. 

“Everything’s so quiet, so calm.”

“I think that’s what most people would describe as content.” 

“Are you content?” you ask, lifting your head to look him in the eyes. 

“I’m happy,” he says softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. “Are you?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Then don’t worry about the rest.”

“Okay,” you settle back against your husband's chest, feel his lips brush your forehead.

His fingers search absentmindedly for the ring on your finger he’d found while clearing out a pawn shop not too long ago. The one he wore looked nothing like your own. But the marriage had been long overdue, and neither of you cared what the rings actually looked like. 

Nowadays, you split your time between his place with Ellie, and your own with Ethan, but end up in his bed every night. At this point, you don’t think you could sleep without him. 

Years ago, another lifetime, you’d had a conversation underneath a sky full of stars. You’d told him that for you, good things had never lasted. Joel had made a promise. 

This will.

It took time. There was a lot of pain. But in the end, he had told you the truth.

-

-

-

[serahlink]

🚨 EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS OPEN🚨 tw // homeless / some med talk but not much

Reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

Making a new post to hopefully get some work for my family and I so we have somewhere to stay for tonight, since work has been very slow lately. I'm Link, and I'm a 22-year old artist, and my family and I (me + my father and younger sibling) have been homeless since November 2021. It's a long story. TL;DR version is at the same time, while I was living with a friend and my dad + younger sibling was on the road (he drove a van at the time) he had gotten into a diabetic coma and was fired by his job. Being fired meant he or my sibling didn't exactly have a home to go back to, as our relatives on both sides refused to help. At the same time, I was going to have to find someplace else since my friends grandmother was entering the late stages of her life and they had to transfer her to the nursery, meaning there was a lot of things his family had to take care of and I couldn't be there. They allowed my father, sibling and I to stay there for two weeks to give us time to find someplace else.

While I was there, I'd been doing commissions to help their family out with food, and since it was either the streets or living under a roof; I told my friend to take us to a nearby motel since we had enough for a day, and we could figure things out from there. So since then, I've been keeping us here by doing commissions ever since. Either of us haven't been able to obtain a job yet due to how hard it is for us to get our documents to get an id (we dont have a car at the moment, and saving money for the room and food is already tough as is), but recently we think we might be able to get my father's ID so he can work, were waiting on his lung condition to recover fully and get money saved up for the documents and all that before we apply to get them. So hope isn't fully lost for us, we just need to take care of some things for a while longer until then.

Recently, things have gotten worse again. We were paying weekly thanks to the help from my followers and commissions I was getting, but when we weren't able to pay for another, we went back to paying daily again. And immediately we were set back. For the past few days, we haven't been able to pay for one let alone food. We were able to pay most of it to at least stay here, thanks to the kindness of the staff, but they called us earlier to tell us if we couldn't pay everything tonight, then we'd have to leave. We owe 120 by 11pm tonight, and I thought maybe making a new post might help us since posting on my other socials hasn't done much for us lately.

My commissions are open, and if you're interested in helping us out via a commission you can contact me through my Tumblr dms since it's the easiest way to get to me. But if you can't help financially, which I totally understand, I know the economy is tough on all of us right now, please don't feel bad or anything. Reblogs also help us a ton, and it always means a lot to us.

For the commission info itself, I have it all packed into this link right here, along with examples of my art and prices. I draw mainly fantasy pertaining to the Dragon Age Series and although I know little to nothing about Baulders Gate, I have done some art of tavs before! I also do DnD work as well, so I'm used to drawing pretty unique characters. I'll also put some examples I have below. If you want something outside of that, I'm sure I can provide, just let me know upon your request! And I think that's all. Much love to you and thank you for reading, I hope you have a wonderful day/night :)

[trans-androgyne]

I don't really do this like at all but I have no idea where else to express my frustrations and dejection. This is pretty negative so no need to even read it but If you do I really appreciate it. I'm a transmasculine teenager and I remember first coming to tumblr from reddit cause I heard there was more transmasculine folks here and I was like waooww! Sounds great. I expected cool memes or positivity or representation just something I could relate to because I genuinely hated myself for being trans, so much. Can't come out at school, can't transition for like another four years, can't entirely come out to family either, so I can seek solace online. Now tumblr has become by #1 doomscroll site and I hate myself more than ever for newer reasons. Wooow. And this time it's coming from other queer people and it feels worse than anything I read from a genuine right-wing bigot. I keep feeling like my existence is just irrational and misogynistic and hopeless. I don't know how to feel any better about my identity as a transgender male.

Gods, I've been in really similar spots, I'm so sorry. Seeing the same old vitriol from cis transphobes is one thing. But when I stumbled into the discourse about transmascs on here, feeling that hated and rejected by my fellow queer and trans people pushed me to the brink of detransitioning. There are two main ways I pushed through that.

The first was to focus on other transmascs. Sure, I can hate myself for "choosing the wrong side" or whatever, but would I ever, ever say that about another transmasc? I wouldn't. I would never tell them half the stuff I believed about myself. It became clear to me that queer masculinity, especially trans masculinity and manhood, gets pushback both from inside and outside the queer community that it does not deserve. One's gender and gender presentation does not relate to their morality. Queer masculinity is beautiful and radical, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, and I let myself fall in love with it and engage in it out of spite. Even if I couldn't accept it on myself, I committed myself to letting other transmascs out there know that I believed their transmasculinity made the world a better place. After a while, it was a little easier to feel that way about myself too. I still get insecure about it, but I can always lean on other transmascs and transmasc allies about it.

That's the second strategy. I felt so isolated and alone as a transmasc, especially when we were being blamed for predstrogen being banned, that I ended up making a discord server centered on trans men and mascs. I've gotten so many friends and even two new partners out of that! It turns out that there are plenty of people who love transmasculinity even if they aren't transmasc themselves. An example is my trans femme S.O. who loves me being her transmasc stone butch and praises my masculinity constantly :) I suggest to all transmascs ever to surround themselves with as many people as they can that see the value of transmasculinity and don't hold bigoted beliefs about transmascs (because yes, believing that we're all annoying and attention-seeking and self-centered and misogynistic is bigoted). My server is always open if that might help you, but other spaces are out there as well. Just know you deserve to be supported in your identity and there are plenty of people who would give you that support. You are always, always, always welcome in my inbox, or DMs, or anywhere else. Please reach out if I can be of any help.

[ginger-grimm]

Another year around the sun has passed for me, almost. I did a poll, and the results were overwhelmingly a big yes. I've had a very attentive follower who's been asking me to post the form, so here we go. Please note that you can take your time with the gifts, my birthday is not until the near end of September. Whether you post the gifts now or a bit later is up to you, just remember please that I won't post your gifts until mine have been posted, I've been burned one too many times.

Otherwise, I'm really looking forward to this, I remember last year's exchange turned out great and I always appreciate doing these things. So, as always, come one come all, and have fun with this, I know I will be!

The Rules and regulations are simple, but they exist nonetheless, so here they are:

The exchange, for now, is open until September 25th, though I may extend it who knows *Kevin James meme*

You may make 1-2 requests, but hey, I will probably reblog it saying you can make more once no one requests anything *Kevin James meme intensifies*

Please reblog this post to spread some awareness, please. You can like for remembrance but just a like doesn't count (you already know this, I know my 5 regulars who come here every time)!

As aforementioned, this is open to my regular drunks and new patrons alike, so please do not be shy. Think of me as I think of birds, I am more scared of you than you are of me.

Fill out the form linked below and find the password in the form!

Please only send me faceclaims with good quality and plenty of material to use. Also, no cartoon characters. Video game characters are all right if it's motion capture. I'm not trying to discriminate, it can just be really tough for me to find material for cartoons, animes, video games, etc. as I edit by making little video clips first blah blah blah. However, if you slide in my DMs we might be able to discuss some stuff.

Please, please, please fill out all the columns I need and choose at least two gift options. It makes it infinitely easier for me to make something for you. Just remember I can't read minds and it's worse when I can't find anything in your blogs.

Remember the pleases and thank you's, pleases and thank you's make my heart grow fond.

I don't do Harry Potter OCs or Stranger Things OCs and while I don't have a specific list of FCs I don't use, I ask that you do not request anything for overtly problematic actors, thank you!

I accept pretty much any gift in return, it can even be story reviews or playlists for people who don't/can't edit themselves. If it's a story review, please let me know in the form so I know you did as I don't check my accounts every day.

I'm fine with gifts for any of my OCs - my master list as well as the link to my Pinterest is in my pinned post.

FOR ANY OTHER QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE AND I WILL TRY TO CLEAR EVERYTHING UP!

JOIN THE PARTY HERE, THE FORM FOR THE EXCHANGE IS LOCATED AT THIS ADDRESS, PARTY PARTY PARTY

TAGLIST: @eddysocs @ocs-supporting-ocs @foxesandmagic @veetlegeuse @decennia @hiddenqveendom @arrthurpendragon @luucypevensie @nikosasaki @noratilney @wordspin-shares @oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations @stelstellakidd @andromedalestrange @far-shores @daughter-of-melpomene @bibaybe

[vixendoesstuff]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

ALRIGHT, SO-

World Tour, where (please excuse my language) shit hits the fan, for real. My notes on this saga is hectic and convoluted, so I'll try to make some sense of it for this post. If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the askbox or my DM's, whichever you prefer.

I wanted to do bullet points for this, but maybe most Tumblr users prefer to read long paragraphs than bullet points, since my posts not having bullet points do better? IDK, I've only been on Tumblr for like, a year at best so forgive this soul for her cluelessness lol.

And also, depending on how much I've typed, I might have to split this saga into three parts, 'cause I know y'all don't actually want to read a really long post that took up three scrolls wide lol.

Anyway--let's start this crazy train.

So, the story begins the same way as it is in the movie--opening shot with Cloud Guy giving a quick recap about the first movie, and then the next shot panning towards the Techno Trolls (ay, Branch's tribe, let's go!). Unfortunately, the amount of screentime (or appearance in this case) they got here minimal, since we're focusing on Branch and co.

But anyway, same thing happened, King Trollex hosting the rave, Barb barges in demanding his string and destroyed Techno Reef to get him to comply, same old. Poor guy, honestly, he just wanted to vibe.

Next shot pans to Pop Village, same thing there. Everyone is smiling and singing and dancing (with Techno!Branch joining in, look at that! Since he can't extend his hair like everyone else, he relies on acrobatics and just generally hang onto someone ((mostly Poppy)) whenever they swing on the trees with their hair). Branch tries to confess his love to Poppy, but got friendzoned unintentionally by her (ouch). Then Barb's bat pet thing comes in, and King Peppy's history lesson.

They're not the only ones here in this world. There are other trolls out there; Pop, Hard Rock, Classical, Country, Funk, and Techno.

This is where it gets interesting. At this point in time, Branch has all but accepted that he's possibly the only Troll in the village that looks the way he does. That he's the only one that ever existed in the world. It's why he and Cooper has a sort of closer bond with eachother in this AU : different Troll (tribe, but not that they knew this yet) solidarity. Sure, he was curious once, like how come is egg was in the Troll Tree, why does he look different, ect. But now he's more than content with his current predicament. He has friends now, something to look foward to; he was happy, after so long.

But now with the news that there are other Trolls out there, different from the rest, his past yearning came back to life. And while King Peppy hadn't said it outright, his lack of words all but confirmed Branch's suspicions. That he's not the only one out there. And from what he saw in the scrapbook, he can pinpoint which one of the tribes he supposedly belongs to; Techno.

Then we cut to when Poppy packs up to leave and got caught by Branch. The same argument happens, with the addition of Poppy saying that because there are different Trolls out there, then shouldn't Branch be curious about them? Who knows, maybe there's a tribe that looks exactly like him! Branch refuted by saying that, even if there was a tribe just for him, how would he connect to them? He's been living as a "Pop Troll" his whole life, what connection can he form with these hypothetical Trolls (identity issues go brrr)? What if they found out that he's gone Grey for almost all his life? If the Pop Trolls, who has known him since he was born, didn't react well to his whole Grey-ness; what are the chances his own kind would react badly to the news? Or worse, reject him outright.

Before he could go on, boom! Cooper appears from the shadows and said something like, "That's not how you really think, ain't it Branch?". They were surprised he's there, and then they exchange some more dialouge sort of expressing Branch's concern about not fitting in with his hypothetical tribe out there, and shed some light on Coopers concern as well about wanting to find you who you really, and even if you don't fit in atleast you know the truth now, that sort of stuff. IDK, I'm not great at writing angst, lol.

Anyway, after some convincing from Poppy, Branch relented and decides to accompany her (even if he denies it, he wants to know if his people is out there). Cooper also wants to come along, and while Branch refuses for his own safety, Poppy allows it in the condition that he sticks with them at all times. So, the three sets of to explore the entire Troll Kingdom, to "reunite" all the tribes and make one big party at Queen Barb's World Tour.

Little did they know just what kinds of trouble they'll encounter on their journey.

Woah, plot twist, Cooper actually comes along instead of going on a solo journey this time around! He replaces Biggie in this! What a shocker! Shocked emoji!

Admitedly, while it's funny the first time, Cooper's solo adventure is... I don't wanna be too rude about it, but it's sort of unnecessary in the big run? I mean, not entirely unnecessary, but like, if you remove that and just have him go along with Poppy and co., nothing major would change. He'd still be reunited with his family in Vibe City, except this time he'll have a first time reaction to the history of the Strings and see the truth of it, y'know what I mean?

But anyway, Poppy, Branch and Cooper's gonna explore the world of other genres. I don't think much will change with his inclusion, but the reactions will be far more varied, me thinks. Stay tuned for the next part, 'cause wow did not expect this part of the series to be so convoluted lol.

Also I had wanted to include some scene redraws from the movie with new implemented elements for this AU, but artblock is gripping me tight and college is starting soon, so I won't have much time to draw than I do write. So, yeah, hope y'all don't mind lol. I'll definitely do some artwork for this AU in the future though, believe it!

Until next time!

[strawberrybananasblog]

questions

hi

i'm antiship, almost pro para/paraneutral, anti c but i have many questions about those things and i was wondering if someone could answer these for me..in comments/asks i suppose, or dms if you feel like letting me annoy you with additional ones - though these are rather nsfw so no minors would be a disclaimer here, im an adult myself...

im not sure if im comfortable with rbs on this, because of overwhelming amounts of notifs i usually get with rb-based interactions.

english isnt my native language, some things might be worded badly. and of course cw for nsfw, SA, discussion of pxrn, common discourse topics in both communities(from anti side), general triggers. and again, since im anti/paraneutral, I will say things that might tick you off, and i'm not sure how to juggle with it - i'm using examples, stances, and personal thoughts to be able to get more clearer examples, stances and personal thoughts in reply, if that makes sense.

FYI i know those things are different and not directly connected, you can be proship and not propara vice versa.

proship:

fiction isn't reality, though i've been of the belief that it can affect it. Such as effects of porn on violence or worse during sex; The brain not seeing difference from fabrication/reality itself; desensitizing et al... which is half the reason I'm antiship, and i wanted to know if there are any counter arguments to that be it studies or something you'd just want to ramble on?

personal experience question: why are people proship? what interests them in this kind of fiction? dynamics?

is there any misconceptions or something alike you see from the general public when it comes to proship? be it from anti, pro, or clueless people

are there any scientific studies you'd like to share that in general talk about the usage of taboo in fiction or morbid media?

propara:

when it comes to paraphilias, are they something that just..happen to ya? random attraction that isn't happening by will, be it mental illness (paraphilic disorder) or not (just paraphilic)? I know about attraction=/= action, but the inner details of what a paraphilia is itself sometimes confuses me or maybe the research isn't that good about it for me to find info on it.

this is something i have trouble being 100 supportive on - how does usage of fiction or fantasy help, or prevent harm when it comes to paraphilias? such as for ex. usage of fantasy or realistic toys if one has one of The Big 3 paraphilias, etc. Though of course there are More paraphilias associated with attraction to Harmful things if acted upon but I hope yk what I mean

whats complex consent?

is there any misconceptions or something alike you see from the general public when it comes to paraphilias? be it from anti, pro, or clueless people

are there any scientific studies you'd like to share that in general talk about paraphilias, how they are coped with, and other stuff alike?

silly ramble ended with another question:

personally, some of my lack of support for bits of both of those things has to do with my personal view of morality, and discomfort.

raised with a high sense of morality + unfortunate experiences/trauma leading to sour feelings about some communties (proship et al) also played into it. in general, since i was a tween i was around people who said if you like fictional xyz, then you're xyzphile (-phile term used wrong too, meant someone who is willingly attracted/seeks out attraction to xyz and/or attempt at sexually offending them) so that also lead to me just following the flow. though as of right now i feel there is still a difference.

Like, yes, this person likes fictional morbid content, but it does not mean that that interest is sexual, and even if it is it does not mean they will commit a crime of those morbid styles in real life. Its just that that interest is....problematic, i guess. so question

While I still believe that being attracted to fictional likeness of something morbid to be a tad problematic on its own, even if the person doesn't do much or think much about the IRL counterpart, i want to know if there are counter arguments to that too?

I see that a lot of my personal feelings about this are "kinda weird, kinda not into excusing it as just fiction" i guess i still want to know or read more of the Pro argument variation of this stance? i think im repeating myself

I hope all of that made sense despite being rambly, thanks for any responses

[2hiit]

hello again, dashboard.

my name is jenga, and you might recognize me from @2hiit, @mikucaptor, @spellbookbindings, @oberonnie, @goodnatured, @uzufoxy, and @autochaton. if you do, you may have also noticed my various absences from the tumblrsphere in the last year or so. although i've been trying to stay as uninvolved from this as i can, i've reached my breaking point. this is in part due to the newest of the false allegations sunnie has lobbied against me, and in part due to the health of my wife, who was supposed to be wearing a heart monitor this month to track some irregular beating, but whose results have most definitely been skewed due to the repeated stress sunnie has been putting our family through this past week. 

this post will include every shred of evidence i have against sunnie (@sunniehub), with the hope that once i've said everything i can, i never have to address this again. i deserve peace. my family deserves peace. i have been forced to accept we will not get any if i continue to just wait for this to blow over.

sunnie runs the following blogs: 

sunniehub / carcins  / softdweller / 8ad / goresports / paiinball / w2f / stuckyfanfiction / w33dgod69 / diqqiebitch / hissassin / dowwn / eredan / hotdoxxed / apedshit / acabemy / mistaklen 

xe has been relentlessly block evading and stalking my various blogs, as well as attempting to tarnish my online reputation beyond repair with false accusations in an effort to drive me off of this site. i have been dealing with sunnie and xer inexcusable behavior ever since i blocked xem on january 2nd, 2023 for the sake of my mental health. i made a response post once before addressing these false allegations against me, but i now realize that will no longer be sufficient, as sunnie seems to be content with making up new and worse accusations when the previous ones fail to stick.

content warnings for this document include: mentions of r/pe, mentions of CSA, stalking, harassment, emotional abuse, gaslighting, guilt tripping, suicidal thoughts, and mentions of transphobia. there are also descriptions of physical stalking, as well as graphic descriptions of violence, but these things are warned for before they occur, and are skippable if need be.

over the course of THIS DOCUMENT, i’ll be showing you chat logs, screenshots, and data supporting the claims i’ve made about sunnie, as well as offering you some context as to how this situation came to be. this is quite an extensive log and i'm aware it may be hard to follow, and some of you may want to skip to the parts that are most striking to you. i have taken the liberty to include an outline in the sidebar for the ease of moving around the document at your own pace, and i’ll be using formatting to make it as neurodivergent friendly as i possibly can. please bear with me.

i truly believe sunnie is a danger to this community, most especially those xe interacts with on a regular basis, just like i once did.

[as a disclaimer: while i have censored sunnie's previous name, i will not be altering any outdated pronouns as they appear in our chat logs. this is to maintain the integrity of the logs and readability. i no longer use xer former pronouns or name, and there are plenty of people who can vouch for this fact.]

i will be temporarily disabling anonymous asks, because i will not be addressing this matter publicly any longer. when i do eventually re-able them, any asks pertaining to this post, or the events this post addresses, will be promptly deleted. replies, reblogs, and DMs are fine, but otherwise, i am considering this matter closed until further notice.

furthermore, i do not want to see any commentary, speculation, or prodding for details whatsoever regarding the individuals in this document whose identities i have censored. this is a stalking accusation. they are censored for their protection.

they are not the focus of this document, sunnie is.

[littlesislovesyou]

Ah but I love sexually torturing and edging you...<333 It's fun and I love your reactions and you becoming as primal as I do when you tease me in return...I am sorry not sorry that I teased you before work but you did the same to me! I'm simply...returning the favor~ But I can always use that rag on you before work so you don't have to clock in~? But that'll cause issues like a missing poster (which would be hot) so I guess I'll just fuck a load into your tight ass while I finger fuck your desperate cunt until you cum for me after kidnapping and taking you to an alleyway...and then let you go to work with my cum plugged up and kept inside of you. While I continue to stalk and tease you from the shadows until you finally clock out 🤭🔪

And you'd be a good girl for laying unconscious and tight for me to use and roughly breed you while moaning out loud how tight and good your holes feel as you can't even resist...so fucking hot~ I need to cum inside of you and all over your unconscious face...give you a pretty facial and take pictures and record me using your holes for my pleasure.

Atta girl...I've wanted nothing more than to make your pretty brain leak out through your pussy baby...such a good girl for me, hm? Keep blaming me though when I do these things to you...when you reassure me I'm not making you uncomfortable...it's kinda hot when you do that 🖤🤫😈

Awww but I know that made you ruin your panties, sis...and I can always find out right now whether you like it or not. Struggle if you want...it makes your big brother harder and more eager to find out and making you cum on my fingers and mouth before raping my not so innocent little sister again...I'll corrupt you and make you just as bad as you made me unable to resist you as payback always~ <3333

Omg I've...never been given the ability to control someone's toy before? If you did I'd LOVE to try it and tease you with it alongside my asks...another weapon, like a knife or a gun to wield to make you a horny, insatiable slut for me~

You naughty minx...💕🥵👀

Mhm...we're both disgusting and keep making each other worse and more fucked up in a hot way for both of us and I couldn't ask for anything better and wouldn't want it any other way either~ I'm glad you love it too and I missed you just as much my pretty mutual~ 💗

Awww that's so sweet 😭 😮😌 I'm only in and out all day because I've got stuff to do and can't brainrot on Tumblr often lol but it makes me happy you stay on to see me... >< I'm here when I can be and of course wanting to see you has motivated me to check at least once during the day and guaranteed at night so we could talk some more 🖤💜🫂

But I'd understand if you weren't here as much. Take your time for yourself. I guess I'll have to dm you sooner rather than later so we can check Tumblr for each other when we both have the time then lol

But please have a great night and sleep well and have the lewdest, happiest dreams~ And sorry not sorry if this makes you a horny mess in the morning lmaoooo to get ahead of future me. Would you tell me what panties you're gonna wear tomorrow to work if that's okay? 😇

I'll miss you...

Forever mine~ ; 3

Ahhh good morning!! 🥺💗 I hope you have a lovely day my beautiful mutual<3 I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk much last night! I have a shorter day today thankfully<3 so hopefully whenever you’re on tonight I’ll be able to stay up and talk with you! 🥺💗

And ahh I just can’t help it! I might say stop or no please but I secretly love it;’) especially when you don’t listen<3333 and ah yes, simply just returning the favor hm?💗

God do you know how embarrassed I would be if you stuffed me full, plugged me up and sent me to work with your cum in me<333 maybe after I get off you immediately find me again, taking me into another alley~ removing the plug and watching your cum leak out of me, all the while telling me how much of just a little slut I am for keeping a strangers cum inside of me allll day 💗💗💗😳

Ugh you seriously do things to me, so many things🖤🖤 I hope you know I’m just as crazy for you, I’ll definitely answer that ask as soon as I can bc it literally just made my heart melt ugh, the whole thing and I just wanna give it ( and also you ) the proper attention it deserves 🥺💗

And honestly I know you’re nervous so really just don’t do it until you’re absolutely sure you want to message<3 and honestly it wouldn’t be any different;’) I’m still going to tease you just as much as you tease me<3 💗💗 plus I want to show you concepts I’m working on currently;0 I want your opinion<333 💗

Ahh 💗🫣 I bet I would look so pretty with your cum covering my face, maybe you end up making me watch the video you took, the next day ☺️ making me watch how you used my unconscious slutty holes, making them yours<3 you’d reach over and put a hand inside my panties, seeing how wet I would get from watching it even though I may be crying☺️💗💗💗 I just can’t help but get wet from it

Agh I absolutely love everything you send to me;’) I’m glad the reassurance pushes you to feel more comfortable💗☺️ and I’m glad it’s a turn on;’) me just giving you the reassurance to be such a perv~ to tell me such messed up things you want to do to me 🥺 ugh and the fact I get wet from all the depraved stuff💗💗💗💗 ugh I love it so much<3 I hope you know I look forward to talking to you<3

Also it’s okay if you’re not on a lot either! I understand everyone gets busy 🥺💗 I just meant your notifications are all I have been looking for lately<3 you seemed to have distracted me;’)

Ahh I’m gonna end up being late for work heheh but I just wanted to reply to at least one and tell you I miss you my pretty mutual! And I hope you have a wonderful day<333 💗💗

[olderthannetfic]

I've been doing (as in modding as well as participating) exchanges, secret santas, fests, etc for years, in a variety of fandoms. I contain multitudes!

I recently started modding for a ship that is ~problematique~ for the anti crowd. A good number of participants to stuff I mod in a different fandom are antis or anti-ish.

I've been living in fear of being burned to the ground for a while now - my modding work but also my fannish self in general; I had a scare early on in my modding 'career' that thankfully stayed in DMs, but nothing worse than that... so far. I'm especially wary since my AO3 works include a few badwrong things (very lightly badwrong things, but antis are antis and I suspect some might be subscribed to my AO3 or Tumblr, and see the badwrong things I like and suddenly decide to act on it). My modding and AO3 identity are linked; I tend to keep the same fannish identity over platforms and fandoms and fannish activities.

Sometimes I tell myself that people are too happy that someone is doing the work (modding) to go after me, others I remember that it doesn't take much for one's luck to change.

--

The surest defense against assholes is to laugh and block and not let them think they get to you.

[skz317cb97]

Yang Jeongin x Thick female reader

Word count: 5K

Synopsis: IN seems to be distant, you're worried he's pulling back because he wants to leave you, just like all the others. IN has been acting strange, is he actually pulling away or is it something much worse?

A/N: 18+ ONLY! NGL I'm a little on the fence about this one too. Sorry guys! Anyway. Here we are again number 7! Just one more to go! I've had a lot of fun writing this series! I'm so happy that it has made so many feel seen and understood. If you like this one give it a reblog, like, comment, send me an ask, dm, whatever I love hearing what you guys think of these stories and it's always motivation for the next! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Swearing/strong language, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected piv sex (please use condoms!), spanking, cum eating, cream pie, praise/pet names (beautiful, baby etc), mc is called slut (not directly and only once), mc calls herself a whore (during sex and only once). I think that's everything but if I missed something please let me know and I'll add it asap!

You sat across from Jeongin inspecting the serious expression on his face, trying to decipher what was wrong. He’d seemed to have been pulling away lately and you weren’t sure why. Before you could start the what ifs in your head, Jeongin spoke up. 

“I can’t.” You tilted your head confused by his vague statement. 

“You can’t... what?” You were terrified to ask that question because of what the answer might be. Then he said it. Your worst nightmare. 

“This, us, I can’t. I just can’t anymore.” You fought the tears that wanted to fall as soon as the words left his lips. What was wrong with you? What did you do for all these guys, even your best friend, to not want to be with you? 

“I... I don’t understand...” You managed to finally choke out. 

“You’re suffocating me. I never have a moment of peace away from you!” He said harshly. Your tears could no longer be held off and he only seemed to be more annoyed by your crying. 

“Please don’t make a scene... just, it is what it is. I won’t change my mind. I’ve felt this way for a while and thought about it a lot. I just... don’t want to be with you anymore.” It was like a punch in the gut. You tried to muffle your sobs. Your best friend, the love of your life, didn’t want to be with you anymore? 

“Wh-a... I thought you loved me.” Jeongin looked down a cold expression on his face. 

“So did I.” You broke down then, not caring who saw, or what kind of scene you made, not caring if it upset Jeongin. You sobbed and begged him not to do this to you. 

“Not us too!” Jeongin stood to leave. You stood up too and clutched onto his jacket. 

“Please Jeongin! Please! Don’t leave me!” He broke free of your grasp and headed for the exit as you sank to your knees and cried hysterically. 

Jeongin woke up quickly when you started to scream for him in your sleep. He grabbed you and hugged you close as he tried to wake you and calm you down.  

“Baby! Y/n! Do you hear me? It's okay, I’m here!” You started to down and came to. As soon as you saw Jeongin you realized it had only been a dream and started sobbing. You held on to him tightly, certain he would disappear if you didn’t. You’d been having these nightmares for a couple weeks now.

Anytime Jeongin asked what they had been about you told him you couldn’t remember but the way you would cry for him he knew you weren’t telling the truth. More often than not they ended with you screaming for him. Still, he didn’t push the matter. If the nightmares got much worse, he was going to insist on you talking to someone or going to the doctor. 

After you settled down you and Jeongin laid back. Jeongin wrapped his arms around you, and you felt so safe and warm. The total opposite of the awful dream you’d just had. But it was just a dream, your Innie was still there, still loved you. You slowly drifted back off to sleep. Jeongin watched until you did and then closed his eyes.  

The truth was your nightmares were from you being terrified of Jeongin leaving you. You had been with him longer than any other boyfriend you’d been with, so you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to become bored or annoyed just like all the others.

Granted the chief complaint with your ex’s was about you and Jeongin’s relationship. You didn’t spend time with your other friends like you did with him though. What if he feels smothered, what if you were suffocating him like a flame with no air eventually burning out. Is that what you were doing, would you burn him out? 

Another thing that worried you was you had been together for almost a year and despite spending most nights together at one place or the other you still hadn’t moved in together. If Jeongin wasn’t ready, you understood still you couldn’t help but think that maybe the reason was because he was not as sure of his feelings for you. You had been thinking these thoughts as you sat in your cubical at work.

You had texted Jeongin earlier and got no reply which was unusual for him. You tried calling after a while, straight to voicemail. You started to worry. What if something happened, what if he was hurt, or sick? Then the ugly side of your thoughts came out. What if this is it, what if he’s finally left you, what if he just ghosts you and never says goodbye, what if you lose your best friend? 

You got control of your breathing as you dialed Jeongin’s number again. This time it started to ring, your heart rate started to slow considerably when it did. It rang only a couple of times before he answered. You almost started to cry when you heard his voice. 

“y/n? Hey what’s up?” You tried not to be suspicious of him calling you by your name instead of baby or Jagiya like he usually did. You tried not to be suspicious of the fact that he sounded out of breath and like you’d just interrupted something.

You felt a knot form in your stomach and crawl up your throat at the thought of him cheating on you with someone else. Jeongin’s voice snapped you out of it. 

“y/n baby? Are there? Are you okay?” His voice had gotten lower, but he seemed genuinely concerned as to whether or not you were alright. 

“Oh, uh yea Innie I’m here, sorry got distracted by something. I was just calling to see if we’re staying at yours or mine tonight.” Jeongin let out a heavy sigh. 

“I have a ton of work to catch up on I don’t think we’ll get to spend time together.” Your heart sank a bit, but it was only a night. 

“Well, okay what about tomorrow?” He let out another sigh. 

“I don’t think we’ll get to spend time together this week.” Your heart sank more than a bit that time, and you felt your chest get tighter. You could feel the tears that wanted to well up in your eyes.

Obviously, you and Jeongin spent time apart but you both had very busy work schedules, so you always made plans ahead of time, so the other knew. This was out of the ordinary and it made the dark thoughts in your mind run wild. ‘It’s the beginning of the end for you’ ‘he’s going to leave you’ ‘none of the others stayed why would he.’ 

“Oh...” Jeongin could hear the disappointment in the two letters. 

“If I can get away for an hour or two, I will okay baby? Promise.” Jeongin had always kept his promises no matter what and had never given you any reason not to trust him. You couldn’t let past relationships bleed onto this one. 

“Okay...” You had just managed to get the word out before he was telling you he had to go. 

“Okay I love... *click* you.” You couldn’t fight your tears off anymore. Not even an I love you? You were suddenly going to be apart from each other a whole week and not even an I love you? That did not ease your mind at all and that night you couldn’t sleep because of the thoughts that plagued your mind. You woke up the next day exhausted still but drug yourself out of bed and got to work.

You sent Jeongin a good morning text telling him you loved him. When lunchtime rolled around and there was still no text back the voices got louder. ‘He’s probably at your place now getting all his things’ ‘he’s going to leave you, he’s going to leave you, he’s going...’ You were snapped from your downward spiral by your text notification going off. When you saw it was Jeongin your heart leapt a little. Until you saw the quick message.  

‘Love you, I’ll ttyl.’ Well at least he said I love you this time. You tried to get a hold of yourself. You couldn’t keep jumping to such drastic conclusions without proof and you trusted Jeongin. Usually. He had been acting strange the last few days though. The next day you called Jeongin close to your lunch hour.  

“Hey Innie!” You were glad he answered. 

“Are you busy? Can we have lunch today?” When he spoke, he sounded drained of energy and somewhat irritated. 

“No y/n I’m drowning in work over here I don’t think I can make today. This weekend, okay?” You were fighting tears back again. You missed him and he didn’t seem to miss you at all. 

“Okay Jeongin.” He hated that you sounded upset and calling him Jeongin took him back a bit. You never called him by his full first name. 

“Okay, I love you jagiya.” You had to get off the phone quick before you started bawling. 

“I have to go, love you.” Click. You hung up and started sobbing. You cried because even though he said it with conviction, you didn’t know if it was really true. Did he still love you, and if he did then why did it feel like you're drifting apart? You decided to just go out for lunch alone. You thought the fresh air and a meal might help alleviate some of the stress you were feeling and some alone time to think wouldn’t hurt either. 

You were walking towards your favorite bistro; they always had killer lunch specials. The temperature outside was perfect. The sun was out, a slight breeze and a cloud or two to shade you from time to time. You were feeling a bit better already. You were about to cross the street, when you looked ahead there was a little café across from you.

You had thought your eyes were playing tricks on you, so you rubbed them and looked again. It was not a trick of the light. Sitting in the small café was Jeongin and sitting with him was an intimidatingly beautiful woman. The total opposite of you in just about every way. Thin and elegant, hair, makeup, outfit, flawless, she seemed to be just a bit older than you maybe, but it didn’t matter because she was stunning. You suddenly felt like you were going to throw up. You dry heaved and ran for the closest ally way. 

You leaned your back against the building. What was he doing there? He said he was too swamped with work to have lunch with you but he’s not too busy for her? You knew it was crazy, but you watched them through the window from across the street as you called Jeongin.

You saw him look at his phone ignore the call and start to type out a text that you received shortly after. ‘In a board meeting with the big wigs, call you later.’ Board meeting huh? Now you were hurt and angry. He just lied to you flat out. No problem. Maybe Jeongin wasn’t as different from the other guys that you had dated. 

When Jeongin called you that night you were in the tub taking a bubble bath. You were trying to make yourself feel better, hot bath, candles, some soft music, then the phone rang. The familiar ringtone that belonged to Jeongin. You picked it up and you were about to answer. Instead, you just put it back down and let it go to voicemail.

You didn’t have the energy at that point, and you didn’t trust yourself to not ask outright about the woman you saw him with today. When you got out of the tub you wrapped yourself in a towel and then played Jeongin’s voicemail. 

“Hey jagi, I only have a little bit of time right now. I hope you’re eating and resting well. This weekend, promise! I can’t wait to see you beautiful. I love you.” He hung up and you wanted so badly to call him back and tell him you loved him too, but you were so confused.

It seemed like things were going poorly between you but then Jeongin would say things like your voicemail, and you would think maybe you were reading too much into things. Then you remembered the woman and the ‘board meeting’. 

It was finally the weekend. You were ecstatic. The weekend meant time with Jeongin. You got cleaned up and put on a semi nice outfit, some makeup, perfume. You were dressed fairly casual but still looked put together.

You hadn’t heard from Jeongin all day, but he always kept his promises. He said tonight so he would be there tonight. Your text notification went off. It must be him saying he’s on his way, you thought to yourself as you turned the screen of your phone on. It was Jeongin. You swiped and opened the message thread and your heart instantly shattered.  

‘I’m so sorry y/n, I got roped into a last-minute board meeting. I have to cancel tonight. I’ll call you later.’ He broke his promise, he never broke his promises. You sat there and cried for a good minute ignoring any other texts coming in from him, multiple apologies, but all of them went unread.

After you had cried more than you thought humanly possible you got up and headed out the door. You had to know who he was with, what was more important than his promise to you. You pulled up his location and saw that he was at a fairly fancy restaurant. You got in your car and drove in that direction. You just wanted to see inside you weren’t going to actually go in, you told yourself. Just look in the window, see who he’s with, and leave. 

You pulled up to the restaurant and had a clear view through the window from the spot you parked in. Was this absolutely unhinged behavior? Definitely. Could you control yourself at that point? No sir. You should have never gone there because when you got your glimpse through the window you saw Jeongin and that same woman at a table alone.

You should not have been there because it didn’t take you much convincing for you to decide you would go inside, not up to the table, but just inside. Maybe you’d be able to hear what they were talking about. You turned the car off and walked into the restaurant heading for the bar.

The closer you got to the bar the closer you got to their table and suddenly your feet weren’t taking you to the bar at all. Suddenly you were standing right in front of Jeongin and the woman’s table. Tears in your eyes. When he looked up and saw it was you, he was shocked. You looked so upset. 

“Baby... what... what are you doing here?” You shook your head and the tears that had gathered fell. 

“What are you doing here Jeongin? Who is she?” He ran his hand through his hair and let out an exasperated sigh. He realized what that must look like. 

“Who is she I.N!” He looked up at you. The jig was up. He had to tell you the truth now. 

“y/n this is my realtor, Mary Cho. Mary this is my beautiful girlfriend I was telling you about.” She smiled and extended her hand to you. 

“Also known as his aunt, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Young Jeongin here can’t say enough wonderful things about you.” Just then another man dressed to the nines walked up. His hand came to rest on Mary’s shoulder, and he smiled at you. 

“Who’s this?” He asked and Mary was quick to answer. 

“This is little Innie’s girlfriend y/n, y/n this is my husband, partner, and IN’s uncle, Trevor.” The man’s smile grew as he too held his hand out to shake. 

“Oh well then congratulations are in order...” You looked at him confused and his wife gently nudged him, giving him one of those looks that people who have been married a long time pick up on. He zipped his lips. 

“We’ll let you kids have some time to yourselves, enjoy dinner on us tonight okay Jeonginnie.” She leaned down and kissed the top of his head. He rolled his eyes and his cheeks got red from embarrassment. 

“Thank you Aunt Mary, for everything.” She nodded, handed him some keys, gave you a wink and then her and her husband both left, leaving you standing there dumbfounded in front of your boyfriend. 

“Are you going to sit?” You snapped out of your trance with his question, and you sat down. 

“What’s going on y/n? Why are you here?” You wiped tears from your cheeks. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me you were having dinner with your aunt and uncle? You said you were in a board meeting.” You didn’t understand why he would lie about that, or why he needed a realtor. Was he moving away? 

“Are you leaving me?” You asked quietly. 

“Wait what?! Am I- “ You were so scared to lose him.  

“Please don’t leave me...I... I...” You softly sobbed into your hands. Jeongin felt awful. He’d been acting strangely, he knew that, but he didn’t know it was affecting you like this. Then he remembered the nightmares you’d been having recently. You calling for him crying. This was clearly an issue before this week and all he’d done was fuel the fire with his ‘plan’. He had been so busy, still, how could he not see you spiraling.  

“NO! No Jagiya I’m not going anywhere I’m not leaving you I love you y/n always. Me and you, always are you listening to me?” He knelt down beside you and cupped your cheek making you look him in the eyes. 

“Always.” He had tears now. You looked down at him and pushed his hair away from his face. 

“What did you need a realtor for though?” He ran his hand through his fluffy hair again.  

“I just got these so why don’t I just show you?” He held up the keys his aunt had given him before leaving. He led you out of the restaurant and towards his car. 

“Wait I drove-” He opened the passenger door. 

“It’s okay we’ll come back for it.” You nodded and got into the car. Jeongin slid into the driver’s seat and once you were both buckled up you were off. It wasn’t too long before you were pulling up to the parking garage of a gorgeous high rise. Jeongin stopped and punched in a code making the yellow and black striped arm raise, allowing you into the garage. 

“Innie where are we?” He smirked and he had those sly foxy eyes. 

“You’ll see, just be patient love.” Just ahead were two parking spots with the same number painted on them. One, six, seven, zero. Jeongin pulled into one of the spots and turned off the car. 

“In...” He tutted at your second attempt for an answer. 

“In due time, follow me beautiful.” He got out of the car and walked towards a heavy-looking gray door. You got out of the car and followed him. He led you onto an elevator and hit the number sixteen. The doors closed and the elevator made its way up. Jeongin grabbed your hand and gently squeezed it as you waited for it to stop at the selected floor. You looked at your hands and then him and he smiled at you which made you smile in turn.

When the elevator stopped and opened Jeongin led you to the right down to a door that read seven zero. Sixteenth floor suite seven zero. Jeongin unlocked the door and swung it open motioning for you to enter. You stepped into the dark apartment and when Jeongin hit the lights you couldn’t believe your eyes. 

It was the most gorgeous condo overlooking the city. It had hard wood floors and a big open layout. You turned to Jeongin. 

“You’re renting a condo?” He shook his head. 

“No, we own a condo.” You turned and looked at him surprised. 

“We?” He smiled and nodded as he walked towards you. He wrapped you in his arms and hugged you close kissing the side of your head. 

“We spend all of our time together anyway. What do you say? Will you move in with me?” You threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. You had been so wrong; you were convinced he was going to leave you when in fact he was buying a place for you two to live together the whole time. You quietly cried on his shoulder and when he pulled away, he saw your tears. 

“Why are you crying baby?” You choked out a laugh at yourself.  

“Because I allowed myself to think the worst and you were trying so hard to build something for us. I’m so sorry Innie.” He hugged you tightly again. 

“Don’t be sorry love, I was acting strange and in the past...” You interrupted him. 

“The past wasn’t you though IN, those were other people who had wronged me, never you so I shouldn’t have ever thought you would do something like that to me. I try so hard to not let my past spread into our relationship I try Innie...” He shushed you and you buried your face in his chest and took a deep breath inhaling the scent of his cologne and that smell that was just Jeongin. 

You calmed back down and Jeongin tilted your chin up and kissed you softly. You pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss. His hands that had been resting on your full hips were now grabbing your ass as he started to pepper kisses down your jaw and neck. 

“So fucking beautiful.” He whispered against your skin. 

“So beautiful and all mine.” He sucked a mark under your collarbone. 

“What do you say we break this place in the right way jagi?” You looked at him and he cocked his eyebrow and smirked. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for a bruising kiss. He backed you up against one of the living room walls, kissing, biting, his hands roaming all over your soft supple body. He wasted no time pulling up your skirt and sliding your panties to the side sliding his fingers inside you. 

“Innie, mmm, fuck me please baby.” He gave you that sly smile of his. He loved how he could make you melt, on his tongue, his fingers, his dick. He kissed you again as he pumped his fingers into you deeper. 

“Now beautiful you know I’ve got to stretch you a little so you can take my cock yea?” He hit that sweet spot with the tips of his strong fingers, and you let out a whimper. 

“Does that feel good jagiya?” He pushed his fingers deeper and once he’d found that point, he pumped his fingers into you quicker. Your chest was rising and falling quickly as you were edged closer to your orgasm. 

“Cum for me pretty, cum on my fingers.” He kissed you and you came undone. Luckily Jeongin was holding on to you because your knees went weak, and your legs became wobbly as he finger fucked you. 

“In-Innie oh my god yes! Fuck!” You couldn’t control your hips as they rode Jeongin’s fingers through your orgasm. He pulled his fingers out of you and sucked on them as he eyed you like prey. You were still breathing heavy coming down when Jeongin knelt in front of you put his head under your skirt and drug his tongue through your folds making you twitch and squirm. 

“Fuck you’re so beautiful, my goddess, I won’t ever stop telling you how gorgeous you are, and you taste so good.” He licked you again and this time started sucking gently on your clit. Both of your hands gripped his hair as he buried his face in between your legs and started to eat you out with enthusiasm. 

“Don’t... don’t stop Innie, mmmm please, don’t stop.” He hummed and continued to make out with your sex as you writhed and squirmed against the wall. You could feel your next orgasm creeping up on you. Jeongin hooked one of your legs over his shoulder and gripped your ass with one hand while he slid his fingers inside you again making you moan out, which only egged him on further. Jeongin got lost in the moment and devoured you like a starved man until you were screaming his name and coming. 

“INNIE OH GOD INNIE! YES! Fuck! Oh my god!” Your legs shook as you came on his tongue. The sounds you made, the look on your face when you came, it drove Jeongin crazy. He stood back up quickly dropped his pants and boxers, hiked one of your legs around his waist, gripping your thick thigh and slowly started to push into you as you still came back from your last mind-blowing orgasm.

You both moaned out when Jeongin was deep inside you. He stayed there for a minute, his head resting against your chest. You ran your hands through his hair tilting his head up towards you and kissed him softly. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and he held you against the wall as you both made out, Jeongin’s cock still buried in you. You whispered as he continued to kiss you down your neck. 

“Please baby, need you. Want you to fuck me hard against this wall.” He looked at you with his narrow fox eyes, almost black they appeared so dark. You immediately got what you asked for. Jeongin started rolling his hips into yours, his pace gradually building until he was pounding into you. 

“Fuck! Beautiful just... Fuck! Does my goddess like it when I fuck her like a slut?” You clenched around his cock.  

“Yes, fuck yes! Want you to talk to me like I’m your princess but fuck me like I’m your whore.” Jeongin almost came right then. He gave you a few more hard thrusts and then pulled out. He quickly spun you around before you could complain. He pulled your ass back and nudged your legs further apart. He gently pushed you against the wall and you braced yourself with your hands as you bent over for him. He pushed your skirt up over your full ass and squeezed. 

“This ass, god damn beautiful...” He rubbed circles with his palms on your ass cheeks and then *smack* He spanked one hard making you jump and moan. 

“This ass is just asks to be spanked.” He landed another on the opposite ass cheek. This time you clenched around nothing and whined. 

“Innie...” You wiggled your ass at him, and his dick twitched in his hand. His free hand came up and spanked you a little harder, then he massaged the handprint while he pushed his thick cock inside you. 

“So fucking tight, so wet, you like it when I spank you beautiful.” He lifted his hand and gave your ass another little slap and you pushed against him taking him deeper as you clenched around him. It was like a switch was flipped, he gripped your squishy hips tightly and started fucking you deeper and deeper. 

“It’s so big Innie, fuck, feels so good! Harder, fuck me harder.” Jeongin started to snap his hips into your ass, everything jiggled, and you were pushed against the wall more with each thrust. He spanked you again. 

“Who’s fucking you good gorgeous? Hm? Whose big cock are you taking? Speak up.” You moaned 

“Yours, yo-yours In-Innie, fuck harder!” He pulled you off the wall and wrapped his arms around you, holding you with your back against his chest, as close as possible while he fucked you deeper than ever before. 

“Harder? I’ll give it to you harder jagi.” He was so deep inside you. He didn’t fuck you fast, no, he fucked you deep and hard.  

“Je-Jeongin, fuck... fuck... I’m gonna cum baby I’m gonna cum.” You were breathless, covered in a sheen of sweat. One of Jeongin’s hands gently gripped your chin and turned your face towards him. He kissed you so sweetly while he buried his big cock deeper inside you. He whispered against your lips.  

“Then cum for me beautiful cum for me.” He pushed deep and hard inside you a few more times and you were losing it on his cock. 

“Yes yes yes oh fuck oh fuck Innie fuck keep going hard!” He kept fucking you hard through your orgasm until he came inside you. 

“Oh-Oh go-fuck, take it, fucking take it all.” When Jeongin pulled out of you his cum started to run down the inside of your thighs. He swiped some of it up with two fingers and brought them to your mouth as you turned to face him. You sucked his fingers clean and then ran your fingers through his cum and sucked it off your own fingers as well. Jeongin kissed you. It was gentle but passionate. Your arms were wrapped around each other as you both caught your breath. You always felt so safe and warm in Jeongin’s arms.

Standing there in that condo, even though it was totally empty, you knew, you could already feel, you were home. You were home because Jeongin was there and anywhere he was, was home to you. You ran your hand down his face over his sharp cheek bone and cupped his strong jaw looking into his deep brown eyes that were much softer than before. 

“I love you Innie.” He looked at you and smiled his big smile that made his eyes scrunch up. 

“I love you too jagiya.” He kissed your lips softly again then your cheek then he nibbled at your ear making goosebumps rise all over your body. Then he pressed his lips to your ear and whispered. 

“Maybe we should break in the bedroom too.”  

You and Jeongin sat on a loveseat next to each other with the rest of the guys all scattered on other furniture around your living room. They may be friends from someone looking outside in but to you there were family and the first people you wanted to tell. You were a little nervous and a lot excited. Jeongin was excited too, but he was scared of what the guys might think or say, especially Chan. You could feel the nervous energy radiating from him. You grabbed his hand and squeezed gently before clearing your throat to get everyone’s attention. 

“Innie and I have asked you all here for a reason of course. We have an announcement to make.” All of the guys eyed each other and then looked at the two of you sitting there. 

“Well, go on then.” Chan had picked up on Jeongin’s nervous energy too. He was worried something was really wrong. Why else would they call everyone here like this, what if one of you was sick, or worse! Chan’s thoughts were spiraling to worst case scenarios when you spoke up again. 

“IN and I eloped.” Everyone’s jaw dropped and Chan felt a wave of relief.  

“Oh thank god.” He said with his hand over his heart. You suddenly started to get bombarded by questions from the rest of the guys. Most of which were the same questions. 

“Guys guys guys! Quiet down and let her finish for god’s sake.” Chan yelled over the loud group. 

“Go ahead guys.” You nodded and continued. 

“Thanks Channie. Yes, we eloped. We knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and we didn’t want to wait another minute. So, we went to the justice of the peace today and got married.” The guys all started to get up to hug and congratulate you but Jeongin stopped them. 

“That’s not all. This next part I tell you and you have to promise you will do what I ask.” All of the guys started to protest.  

“It’s not fair to make us promise to something we have no idea about!” Felix spoke up but Jeongin wasn’t budging on this stipulation so all of the guys agreed whatever Jeongin asked of them they would do. 

“Okay, you can’t call me baby bread anymore.” The protesting started again, louder than before, even Chan started in. Jeongin yelled over the guys. 

“You can’t call me baby bread anymore because I’m not gonna be the baby anymore...” All of the guys shut up instantly and looked at the two of you speechless, which didn’t happen often. 

“Wait what?” Chan asked shocked unsure if you guys were saying what he thought you were saying.  

“I said you can’t call me baby bread because there’s gonna be a new baby bread.” You smiled at Jeongin when he rubbed your tummy. You turned to Chan who was still gob smacked. 

“I’m pregnant, almost three months. It's another reason we decided it was best to get married sooner than later.” Everyone sat there still unable to speak they were so shocked. 

“We know it wasn’t planned but we’re excited, and we wanted to tell you guys first!” All of the guys jumped up and started to hug you both, congratulating you on your nuptials and the baby. Chan’s eyes were rimmed with tears as he watched, filled with pride that his baby bread was a man now, married with a baby bread of his own on the way. 

“Wait a minute!” Jisung got everyone’s attention and you turned to him. 

“What is it Sungie?” You asked confused by his sudden outburst. 

“So your pregnant with the new baby bread?” You giggled and shook your head. 

“Yes Ji that’s correct.” He nodded rubbing his chin as if deep in thought. 

@acciocriativity @caroline-ds-world @chansynie @ughbehavior @jquellen27 @hyunelixies @fixation-dump @lachinitaaaaa @rinrinndou @bangchans-angel @laylasbunbunny @owo-manii-uwu @armystay89 @b00dyguts @purplenimsicle

“Well that means you have a bun in the oven!” You and Jisung burst out laughing and the guys groaned at his terrible joke. Everyone got updated on the rest of the details of your wedding and finding out about the baby and you sat there holding Jeongin’s hand filled with joy that your little family was growing.  

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[rin-and-jade]

Hi there. I've been questioning if I'm a system for months now and I feel like the information I find is so unhelpful sometimes, because it's all focused specifically on alters and if it's not about alters it's all syscourse nonsense, but the problem I have is that I have basically no communication...

A lot of the symptoms I'm experiencing are dissociation and memory related, and it all just makes me doubt my experiences a lot x(

Doesn't help that my psychiatrist keeps brushing off all my experiences as Anxiety and Psychosis/Schizophrenia???

I really just need some reassurance that I'm Not crazy.

So, do y'all know any good information resources that focus on things Outside of alters?? Or at the least cover all aspects and don't exclusively focus on alters? Anything to do with improving communication would also be appreciated.

Maybe the communication isn't great because I'm still living in an unsafe household? I really don't know, it's been getting worse for a while now, I've been noticing a lot of times where I find belongings, things I said, or anything like that and Having no memory of doing or saying any of it. And it's been giving red flags to me.

Sorry for the long winded ask, much love, thank you in advance. // 💜🌹

My blog is not syscourse aligned, rather, it is education and awareness aligned. Im sorry that you couldn't find your answers, that must be frustrating,, though im here with what you're searching for!

Alters are a byproduct of our dissociative barriers, i previously had made an awareness post to remind them that DID, is not only an alter problem too.

I find a lot of psychologists or psychiatrists horrible and condescending, where many of my friends who got into therapy also got treated negatively too. In my country, neither of the psychologists im friends with even know of DID, thus affirming that there's still a long way to spread education regarding about CDD. Which i have been doing for 3 years, for the community to learn and progress.

So basically, i don't think you're crazy for having people who would dismissing your symptoms, or have memory and dissociation related issues for now.

Please check my blog, there are many types of information outside of alters! You might find some posts helpful.

--

Q: "Maybe the communication isn't great because I'm still living in an unsafe household?"

A: That's correct, our brain has a very complex code, a predictive machine, to crank up or shut down processes (such as mind wandering). If the place is unsafe, your brain prioritizes survival and making it out of there first and foremost, creativity and problem solving might suffer due to the main focus of surviving.

It's like how stress creates difference in blood flow to prioritize the lungs, heart, and other important organs but not to your digestion track. Who says that cannot happen inside the brain either?

Q: "Anything to do with improving communication would also be appreciated."

A: There are many ways, but sense of safety comes first, its like when you are dysregulated and is trying to heal,, your brain keeps out putting the wrong prediction and answers because it is still thinking and seeing in grey-tinted glasses. Regulation comes first, or safety comes first,, these two always create a feedback loop that will help your brain think more clear and less tint-affected!

To end this ask, i will link my posts regarding to: - Front Stuck - Inner Communication

My DMs are open for further 1-on-1 help.

- j

[wilbyscoot]

Hello. I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been active in quite some time. Or, well, if you haven't, now you have. Sorry that I am only now returning and only to tell you that I will be “leaving” permanently.

I'm only here now to address something. Yes, it's regarding the situation with Wilbur Soot. I don't want to go into too much detail about it. If you know, you know. If you don't, sorry you had to find out this way. All I can say is, I'm no longer comfortable when it comes to things relating to him.

I wanted to come back to this blog, even coming up with an idea to write a fic for my return. I've really missed talking to my friends and my mutuals, you're all amazing and wonderful. But I've found that I don't really want to go back here, at least not in this blog. And now, with the terrible news about Wilbur, I'm starting to lean even more to the idea of not coming back here.

I've read and seen the things people are saying about him with my mutuals and people I followed. People are slowly leaving or taking a break from their blogs. It hurts seeing my friends get attacked for it and it hurts even more knowing that they're having a terrible time over this. This is meant to be a safe space.

And before you say anything or start attacking me in asks, in no way am I saying that the things people said about Wilbur are true. We do not know the identity of the person Shelby was talking about and we can't be sure until she's confirmed it herself, which she has every right not to if she could. Even so, I still want to be safe.

Wilbur had been a huge inspiration for me. He brought me comfort and joy, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have made so many friends that I could share an interest with. But with everything that's been going on, whether it is true or not, I do not feel comfortable being associated with him anymore and this blog was created based on him, which makes me feel uncomfortable going back to.

I haven't been here for a long time so I can't say I've seen everything. But I just wanted to quickly say this before things take a worse turn. Plus, I've slowly grown out of my interest for Wilbur Soot (if you haven't already noticed by the huge lack of content last year).

So, I've decided. I'm going to start over. I've made a new blog that I've been running for a while (well, there's not really anything there yet) and I've been thinking of moving there permanently. Yes, it is the blog I was talking about in my introduction. Though, it's not just going to be a writing blog now, it's going to be filled with a bunch of other stuff.

The new blog is completely different. You will see a new side of me you haven't before. More fandoms, more content, more media and franchises. And less of MCYT. For the sake of myself and everyone's comfort, I won't be sharing my blog with you all right now. I'm only going to share them with SOME of my friends and mutuals. Maybe if I'm a little more comfortable with opening it up to all of you one day, I'll come back to announce it. Or maybe you'll end up finding it on your own. Who knows. Either way, if you ever find my new blog, please don't mention anything from this one. I would like to keep them totally separate.

I won't be deleting anything from here. I'm keeping it as an archive. I won't do anything to this blog other than state that I will no longer use it. Maybe I'll come back here one day just to completely change everything, but that is not a plan of mine right now.

If you specifically want to keep in touch, let me know! (I don't mind if you still create content with Wilbur, that's not a big deal for me) My DMs are open right now but they won't be for long. Keep in mind, I might not accept everyone (especially if you are a minor, I will decide very carefully about this). While my blog will still be SFW for the most of it, I can't promise that it will always stay that way in the future. Please practice viewer's discretion. I also have a Discord! This is only open for my friends and mutuals (sorry!!), but I might accept friends of friends!

I think that's all I really want to say. If I have more to add, I will. If you have any questions, send me an ask or DM me! Again, I might or might not leave this blog for good sooner than expected. If you're seeing me for the first time and you want to follow me in my new blog, feel free to as well! This is not just for my old friends and followers. I'd love to see new faces!

That's all I want to say. Thank you so much for the wonderful memories and the laughs. You are all wonderful and I will not forget you. I hope we may cross paths again in the future.

Lots of love,

Alex

[lunarneo]

If your mind feels like its walling up, like is getting tangled, sizzled in static or deformed to every which way, don't let it define how you see yourself.

I've been on my meds for a while, but it still happens, and is frustrating to feel as if the world, as if your skills are slipping from your hands, as your mind and senses fog and blur and the rug is pulled under you, and I committed the error many times to put the fault, the guilt and even shame on my back, but is not my fault. What I've accomplished, that's mine, that's my doing, and when I can't, that's not my fault or the culmination of my errors.

I say this because I hope it makes you feel a bit better to know you are not alone in that and because I hope you don't fall in the demoralizing cycle I've fell in before.

Because your work, that that truly displays you, is fantastic, is welcoming and relatable for me and my friends that for years have enjoyed what you've created.

I assure you, is not what detail, what shape or proportion, what colour or technique you use, but the things you've told, be it just a passing thought, or an emotion rooted deeply that you want to pull out, that always made itself shown no matter what, and even if now things are so hard, so blurry and frustrating. You are still great ^^

And, I might have completely missed the point here, but if I didn't, I hope that my words managed to ease the stress and frustration a little little bit, because I really wish you success and happiness, as I find your work, and the little I've known of you as a person over the years, to be fantastic, and deserving of much more ^^

Also, I sent this as an ask as to not send it like a DM, as I've done that before and I feel makes things a bit less awkward, with that I mean that I just wished for you to read this in hopes that I might be able to help.

I wish you good luck!

I really appreciate this message a lot. That drawing was a cry for help, but a very indirect one. I needed to hear every paragraph here- I'm on new meds that i can't tell are helping or making it worse. I was blaming myself for fucking up all over the place. And felt i couldn't create good enough art while I'm stuck in this limbo. I shouldn't let it define me. I'll allow myself to feel frustrated and upset, but not AT me. It's not my fault. That part, saying it's not my art, but my message, that's going to stick with me for some time. Like holy shit... that's deep, and helps me feel more powerful to just let art flow how it's gonna flow

Thank you for this message, truly.

[ragtimeboy]

Why do you make your art ugly on purpose? /nm

I think it's really cool, I just wanna know if there's a reason behind it :0

Long post, tldr at the end

I've been sitting on this ask for awhile while I thought of a way to voice my views on "ugliness" and I have 2 very contradictory paths concerning it. One is that I find objects, features, and animals that are considered ugly or repulsive very cute and endearing, I love leaches, crooked or missing teeth , lazy eyes, maggots, scars, and asymmetry. Cockroaches are my favorite animal. These things are a part of existing, a part of life and of the body and therefore they hold just as much importance as the things that are usually considered beautiful. I want to showcase the beauty i see in the world, in the body, in the people I love regardless of how others might see them. Maybe you can learn to love those things that makes everyone unique even if it isn't glamorous.

Content/trigger warning: irl bodily harm, suicide, murder, irl illness and death

Second is the representational value of the "ugly truth" the denial of fabricated peace or beauty. I do not like my feelings spared, I don't like to be told a mistruth for the sake of closure or comfort. I want to see the world how it is, not a clean sanitized version of it. My most profound moments of human connection are the brief times when people give me the gritty details, sharing their knowledge and experiences that are sickening and morbid. The details of my dad's wife's patient in brain injury with his nose and frontal lobe blown off from a gun under his chin, the motorcycle car crash my neighbor died in at the end of my street hours after it happened, the two kids he left behind, the pool of blood on the sidewalk I walked by everyday. The murder in self defence my ex committed. The time the elderly man I cared for got stabbed for heroin. The most horrible things everyone has seen when I trained to be an EMT, the decapitations, the inconceivable ways a human body can be broken. The details of my friend's suicide, all of them, I wanted to know. In those moments of grief and horror I feel like I am truly seeing the whole picture, truly a part of humanity even in the darkest moments, because someone is sharing the pain with me, because for just a moment we can look at each other and feel the same loss, the same disgust and emptiness, the shared hopelessness that reminds me that hope exists and it's omnipresent.

I don't talk about myself a lot and that's on purpose, I think for the most part my work speaks for itself, anything you need to know is painted out on watercolor paper. My little sister was born with an autoimmune disorder that liquified her body for 10 years, I watched her tiny body fall apart, watched it rot while she lived. (She's ok now, she's a theater kid which is worse). For most of my serious work I put the viewer in my shoes, the relationship between the snuff film star and the audience, neither existing without the other, the relationship of suffering and the witness of suffering, the stripped down bare basics of empathy, of understanding another. The annihilation of comfort, the denial of escapism, the confrontation with the ugly, the sickening, it's a part of my experience and in the same fashion as I want to be told the truth I offer you the same grace. Reality, gritty and vile is part of the deal, to experience joy and fulfillment you have to open yourself up for agony, and maybe agony isn't the worst thing that can happen. Maybe we stare into the dark and see the worst possible past, present and future and we keep going, we keep living despite it. We have to.

Sorry if this is long, I'll try to tag all the potential triggers in this but please dm me if I missed one.

Tldr I think ugly is beautiful because it's unique and I like to know the truth even if it's sad and gross

[certifiedgoofball]

Hiii this might be kind of long but!! Don't forget how much I love you ever okay? I know it's hard right now and might be for a while but it has to get worse before it gets better!! And I'll be here through it all like you have been for me!! You're worth so much more than you've been through even if you did bad stuff in the past, I did too, and that's not the person either of us want to be anymore! You're doing so so good I promise and I feel so loved by you!! You're the sweetest partner I could ever ask for and you understand me so well. You know me better than I know myself! And honey if you ever lose yourself completely again try to remember that you can always find yourself again! And it's an expirence to get to know yourself!! I hope one day you can find your inner peace and I can be right beside you for it <3 here's all the things I've remembered about u so far! Correct me if I'm wrong :)

Your favorite color is purple, you have a scar on the left side of your forehead from when you were a kid, but if I looked at you it'd be on my right, you LOVE jambalaya, your state I remember, your full name (sorry I'm incapable of forgetting but I'd never use it against you I promise, you've always been Pluto to me), your email I remember, your compression socks, POTS, HPD, NPD, BPD, ADHD + Autism, and HEDS (not diagnosed yet I think? But loooots of signs), the stretches you do!! Your heart rate always goes up when you put the sheets on your bed, we got together 06/07/24, you're ginger (get better soon...) but you have a lot of blonde in your hair, blue eyes, you really like the idea of having pink in your hair (any color would look beautiful on you, mi media naranja), you love Bive from regretavator, you love playing roblox with me, you get nervous on calls (honestly me too), you're trying to get better (you are.), you have 3 brothers (can never remember which is which but I do remember one has epilepsy), you also have a lot of signs of schizotypal! You've met Henry, Aspen, Frye, Jecka, Jack, August, and Ophelia! Maybe a couple more? You like going on walks, but you prefer the insides more, which is where our dates will be! You love movies, but don't usually watch them fully, you HAD a friend named Colin (I think they were an asshole or something don't quite remember), you love Muse, MCR, Deftones, and I believe Slipknot? Not sure on the last one. You used to not like the way rings feel because of sensory issues, not sure if that's still true but I'd assume! You have synthesia with colors going on letters and numbers! You don't feel emotions like other people, but you still try your best! (I notice. Keep going, I promise you're getting better.), you love canine poetry, biblical references, and when I put flower references! Your favorite flower is Peonies, you hate coffee because of the smell and prefer tea, specifically this one your mom buys that's raspberry something? Golden Peaks brand. You're a Capricorn born January 19th, you HATEEEEE the smell of weed (you're so fucking real for that one.), you love flower scented shampoo, you love baking and wanna bake for me!

Had to consult our dms a couple times for some of these, but I promise all of these are equally as important in my mind, just as you are!

Feel free not to post this if it's too much information you don't want out, but text me when you read all this!!!

I love you always and forever, mi media naranja. <3

THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER IM GONNA CRY 😭 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PAST THE RINGS OF SATURN (GET IT? CUZ YOUR NAME)