#it shouldn't matter because people will be mean for no reason and she did apologise to me after she looked back when she finished paying

[emptysekai]

i love when random strangers yell at me for something that i didn't do. working in the city is great

[imbored1201]

do you think you could do a mapi, alexia or lucy x teen!reader where reader is really rude and arrogant and has to run extra laps all the time or is grounded at home (because she lives with someone from the team) and then she gets tired and sad because of all the stress and apologises (and then gets lots of hugs)?

Love You No Matter What

Barcelona Femeni x Teen Reader

Word count: 2.6k

You knew it took a lot of deal with you, and you also knew the only reason Jonatan hasn't let you go was because Alexia didn't want to give up on you.

She was determined to get your attitude right. You were an amazing player, but those actions of yours were going to be your downfall, and she knew it. You came in as a prodigy; at just 15, people always said you were a mini-Alexia. That alone was a lot to carry.

So she knew half of that attitude came from that stress, like after a long media day or a bad game, you were snappier than usual. The other half was just you trying to get on her nerves, and it always worked.

You were a teenager; she knew you shouldn't already have those media people talking about how you had to lead the team, just like Alexia did now that she's injured.

Unfortunately for her, the attitude just got worse when the team started relying on you more. With all the injuries, they had no choice but to. But after your first game as a starter, you got into a little arguing match with the referee and got carded in the first 20 minutes.

They declared Barcelona had to focus on another youngster to be the future of their team because you would become nothing with how you acted.

The whole arguing with the referee thing wasn't actually the main reason for those reactions; it was the fact that you were arguing with Mapi and Alexia after the game. Of course, everyone recorded the heated argument, and you said some pretty harsh things that was able to be heard in the video.

Your reasoning was you were already angry with yourself for the card, and Alexia and Mapi yelling at you after the game didn't help, especially Mapi grounding you. You were living with her and Ingrid after Alexia's last surgery. Alexia just couldn't deal with the stress of worrying about you anymore and wondering if she would still be the same player she used to be. You had tried to be kind and comfort her about it, but you were absolutely terrible at comforting people.

You would sneak out at night, making her call Keira and Lucy to look for you at 3 a.m. You would sneak people over, which turned into her yelling at them and threatening to call the cops on them.

Everyone knew when you gave Alexia a hard time because of the tough training she would give you after. It also helped her a lot since you had less energy and slept longer, giving her more time to do things in peace.

————

Your last outburst was Alexia's last straw. Not only did you get yourself a red, but you left early instead of waiting in the locker room for the game to end.

You couldn't imagine the heart attack you had given her when she came into the locker room 10 minutes before the game ended to scold you. When the girls came in, they were met with a panicking Alexia on her phone, pacing back and forth.

Alexia couldn't drive right now due to her leg, so she was picking up rides with Ingrid, Mapi, and you, but you just sat in silence with your headphones on and ignored everyone.

"Where's Y/n?" Ingrid asked, looking around for you. "She's gone!" Alexia yelled, panicking. Mapi put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Alexia, calm down; she always does this; she'll meet us at the house."

"What do you mean she always does this!" Alexia yelled as everyone went to shower.

"She just gets frustrated and leaves. Me and Mapi have tried to talk to her about it since it isn't safe, but she just gets defensive about it. We've learned to just let her go as long as she gets back within an hour."

"And you just let her!" Alexia was angry with them; it was dangerous for you to be out there on your own.

"We've tried Alexia, but yelling at her just makes everything worse. She's never gone long; trust me, she'll be at the house," Mapi told her as she got her bag ready. The sooner they got home, the sooner Alexia would calm down.

————

Mapi and Ingrid were wrong, so wrong. You weren't there. Alexia went back to her pacing while trying to call you, while Ingrid went out to look for you. Mapi, poor Mapi. She was stuck on the couch with her leg on a pillow, forced to watch her captain freak out.

"She's fine, Alexia; that kid is tough." Alexia scoffed. "She could be in jail for all we know, and knowing her, she probably is in jail." Alexia now started to call the jails.

Mapi rolled her eyes at Alexia's actions as she turned on the TV. "She'll be fine; I had my buddy teach her how to properly fight just in case." "Mapi!"

————

After multiple phone calls, Alexia got confirmation that you weren't in jail. Ingrid had came back 10 minutes ago, and Lucy had just called 4 minutes ago, telling them about how she found you and was taking you back home.

Alexia sighed in relief upon hearing the news. She started getting her voice ready; she had never been so worried and angry with you at the same time. She was exhausted; everybody was. Ingrid came back nearly crying when she couldn't find you; Mapi's knee was hurting worse than usual, and Alexia was stressing out more now, about her knee and about you.

Right when Lucy knocked on that door, everyone jumped. Ingrid quickly answered it and pulled you into a tight hug.

"What were you thinking?!" You sighed and pulled away from Ingrid, hearing Alexia's voice.

"I needed time to think," you simply said, pushing past Ingrid to go to your room. Ingrid grabbed you by your shoulder and glared at you. That's how you know you messed up.

"Your 16! You can't be walking around in the dark, especially after you get a red card! Do you know how fucking inappropriate that was, by the way? You nearly cost the team just because you got your feelings hurt by that girl!" Ingrid yelled, everyone looked at her in shock as she kept going.

"She fucking kicked me!" You yelled back, "And she was going to get a card for it, but no, like always, you had to take things into your own hands, and that got you a red!" She yelled again.

Ingrid's eyes softened when she noticed the tears starting to build up in your eyes. She had never yelled at you before, and now she felt bad. She tried pulling you into a hug, but you pushed her away and went off to your room. Slamming and locking your door.

Alexia sighed and turned to Lucy. "Thank you; where was she?" "We have to talk about that. I saw the kid come out of a liquor store and she had this." Lucy showed Alexia the beer, and now she was angry again. Alexia quickly stormed to your room. You were truly in for it.

————

You were freezing; you were only in a t-shirt and shorts as you stood on the field. Alexia's punishment was for you to do pacers in the freezing cold.

After the last one, you kneeled on the field, trying to regain your breath, as Alexia stood over you, watching you with a disappointed look.

"You'll never learn, will you?" She shook her head, "I've tried so hard to help you, but you just keep pushing it more. Your career would be over if you got caught with this crap; how did you even get it?" She looked at you. You said nothing, only glaring at her.

"I did your dumb pacers; now just leave me alone, Alexia; I don't want to talk about this," completely ignoring what she had just said. Alexia huffed and followed behind you back to Ingrid's car, where Ingrid sat inside.

You were happy once the two of you dropped Alexia off; now it was just awkward silence between you and Ingrid until she decided to speak up.

"She cares about you; I know she's tough on you, but you don't make it easy for her." You rolled your eyes at Ingrid's words. "I never asked for her help." Ingrid sighed and shook her head. She dropped it quickly, not wanting to rile you up.

————

The next day at training, you noticed the little looks everyone was giving you.

Jonatan didn't even bother to give you a talk about your attitude again, like he usually did. He was considering just putting you on a loan, something he hoped Alexia would agree to considering they weren't actually selling you to another team or letting you go fully, but he wanted to send you away to somewhere where he knew you would get very disciplined.

Alexia had other ideas; she had actually texted the girls to go hard on you this training session, and of course the girls listened to their captain.

————

You groaned as you got hit with yet another harsh tackle. This time from Ingrid, "Sorry, kid," she told you, helping you up. You let that one slide since it was Ingrid, and she was your favorite.

The tackles kept coming, and you knew Alexia had something to do with it. It was something she usually did when you did something; it was part of her harsh training to discipline you.

She would tell the girls to go harder on you, and of course they would listen to their captain. When she trained with you guys, she would give you some hard pushes and always piss you off.

It wasn't until Pina's late tackle that sent you to the floor in pain, holding your ankle. She quickly got up and checked on you, and the game stopped. You knew it wasn't on purpose, and you didn't blame her. You blamed Alexia, who was watching and walking towards you to make sure you were okay.

"I'm sorry, Hermana," Pina told you as you sat up. You glared at her and at Alexia, who now stood beside her, holding a hand out to help you up. You pushed it away and got up.

"Fuck you," you spat harshly at Pina as you shoved past her and back into the locker room. You were so angry at yourself; you knew you deserved their bad treatment.

"Fuck this!" You yelled, punching the wall; you hadn't expected to punch a hole in it. You didn't acknowledge that, quickly changing and grabbing your bag before leaving.

No one came to check on you in the locker room. They knew when you had an outburst like that, you needed to be alone for at least 10 minutes. Alexia couldn't wait though; a part of her felt bad for putting you in that position, and another part knew she had to do it. Jonatan was so close to kicking you off the team, and it was getting harder for Alexia to defend you.

————

Despite Ingrid and Mapi telling her to leave you alone, she stormed into the locker room. Of course, she still scolded Claudia for her reckless tackle. Her anger only got worse when she saw the hole in the wall, one that was for sure going to get you in trouble with the coaches again.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Alexia yelled at you, pacing back and forth as you sat against the wall. You couldn't do it anymore.

You had finally come to the conclusion that the team hated you. Ingrid had yelled at you, Mapi hadn't even tried joking with you all morning, Frido didn't give you your morning hug, Patri didn't put you in a headlock when she saw you, you could only think about the hurt in Pina's eyes when you freaked out on her, Lucy's angry ones when she snatched the bottle of beer you had in your arms and dragged you into the car.

"I'm sorry, Ale, for everything," you cried. She stood there in shock for a second. She had to process the fact that those words actually came out of your mouth.

You got scared when she didn't say anything back, fearing that she had already given up on you. "I don't know what to do anymore; I don't mean to get angry all the time; I just get annoyed so easily." Alexia quickly kneeled in front of you and pulled you into a hug.

"I know Bebe, but you know you can't flip out like that, especially at your teammates," you nodded and sniffled.

"No one wants me here, Ale. Right when I came in, the fans wanted me to be like you, and when they saw I played nothing like you, they started hating me. Mapi and Ingrid were forced to take me in because of your knee. I'm probably going to get kicked off the team, and no one on the team has even looked at me today; they hate me." Your voice broke, saying the last sentence.

The fans hating you, you were able to take it, but the team hating you? You wouldn't be able to live with yourself knowing that.

"Bebe, everyone on this team loves you; you're a good kid; you just have a couple of issues," she whispered the last part, but you still heard her. Then came the sounds Alexia did not want to hear.

You started sobbing, full-on sobbing. "Hey, hey, no, Bebe, it's okay." Alexia tried to calm you, but it just got worse.

"Take deep breaths; come here," she gently moved you so you were sitting on her lap. You quickly hugged her tightly, hiding your face in her neck.

"I'm sorry, Alexia," you cried. Alexia tried to hold in her own tears as she did her best to comfort you. She held you tightly, rubbing your back and humming. She didn't know how to comfort you, but she was just doing the same thing her mama would do when she or Alba had a meltdown.

————

When training ended, you had finally calmed down; your eyes were red, and you were anxious and clinging to Alexia as the team started coming back in.

Claudia came up to you and pulled you into a tight hug. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," she told you, kissing your head. "It's okay," you said, noticing Alexia's look. "I'm sorry for cursing at you and pushing you," you mumbled.

Alexia led you to Mapi and Ingrid. "I'm sorry for causing trouble."Ingrid smiled at you, pulling you into a tight hug, also hoping this wasn't just a little innocent act of yours to get out of trouble.

Mapi, on the other hand, couldn't believe how you were behaving. She's never gotten a sorry from you. Not even when you ate her chocolate and blamed it on Bagheera, Mapi actually believed you, freaked out, and took him to the vet.

You only told her when she got back. You slept at Lucy's for a week after that, and she never got an apology.

"Apologize for the Bagheera incident," Mapi told you strictly. "I'm sorry, I made you believe your son ate your chocolate when it was really me." Mapi smiled brightly, patting your head. "Okay"

As you went around the locker room apologizing for everything you had done, it actually made you feel better, especially when you got that hug from Fridolina. Even Patri's hug made you feel comforted, and usually Patri's hugs turned into her throwing you to the ground.

From then on, you had changed; you were calmer on the field, got angry less, but at least stopped talking back to the referees. You were a changed woman in everyone's eyes.

[scaryspears]

My rant on ITSV and ATSV

So I've just finished watching the ITSV and ATSV because I'm a late watcher, and when the movies came out I wasn't myself. I'm glad I took the time to watch them, although I had to buy ATSV online because it's no longer in the cinema. This means I got to watch my favourite scenes without issue. With that being said, I have a lot of things to get off my chest regarding both films, mostly with the characters. 

Warning: Long post and slight bashing of characters and terrible screenshots.

I don't want to be one of those people who hate Gwen just to hate on her, and I don't hate or dislike her character, but right from the jump her vibe was just off. She felt like one of those characters that disliked the main character for no reason despite barely interacting with her/him (them). I know that isn't the case but I didn't like the way she was blankly talking to him. I'm using the word 'blankly' because I can't think of another word other than 'coldly'.

During the chase scene where Miles and Peter steal the computer, she comes out of nowhere and helps save the day. I was glad but at the same time what the hell. Anyways, Miles compliments her haircut and she snaps with "You don't get to like my haircut.", referring to when he accidentally got his hand stuck to her hair and she had to get half her hair shaved off, I understand getting angry about that. It was an accident, and Miles could've apologised (I don't remember him saying sorry), but she's acting like he did it on purpose.

To top it all off she knew he was like her, which meant she knew what he was going through as he was transitioning. Getting taller, hearing multiple voices, hands sticky, and all that stuff. So that means she's aware that it was an accident, and there's also the fact that she pretended to be a student at his school and hovered around him. She bumped into him on purpose knowing he was a fellow spider.

When you think about it, why didn't she try to get to know him and investigate with him about what's going on? She just left him to discover his spider side chaotically. She should know how scary and confusing that is, but not once does she attempt helping him out. 

I'm gonna sweep it under the rug because they are teenagers, and even if they were adults they shouldn't be expected to be more sympathetic to each other. But you'd think she'd be a little bit more understanding. (Don't get me started on her going into his artwork and opening his collectable in ATSV)

Now, Uncle Aaron. I love his dynamic with Miles, the true cool uncle. His love for his generation of hip hop and us seeing Miles' taste of music. The graffiti art bonding, loved it. There were small hints that he was the Prowler. The 1610 Peter getting killed near where Miles and Aaron did the graffiti, Miles calling him while he's being chased by the Prowler, and the Prowler appearing in Aaron's home. I'm thinking "Where's Aaron in all this?" dun dun dun, he's the Prowler. I loved every bit of it. This also makes Miles different from other spider men, being the fact that his loved one ended up being an antagonist, and one scarier than Kingpin. There's no "With great power comes great responsibility." instead it's "In a bad person you can find good in them." Also, the inner torment that he was about to harm his own nephew is chef's kiss. Uncle Ben who?

Moving on to ATSV. It opens up with Gwen and her meeting Miguel and Jess. She looked at Jess and said "Will you adopt me?" Like??? Where yo mum at? I know she passed away, but still. You've only had one look at this woman and that's one of the things that comes out of your mouth? You don't know this woman! Jess sounds like one of those women that only talk with attitude no matter what so I had a hard time rocking with her, like what is her problem??? And she's fighting while pregnant... smdh.

Spot. Funny villain, I liked his banter with Miles, but he's a pu**y punk bi**h. He's blaming Miles for what he became, when he's the one that decided to become a mad scientist and work with other mad scientists under Kingpin. I'm pretty sure there's more to it than a bagel. Lesson is: once you become a mad scientist something happens to you. Norman Osborn became Green Goblin, 65 Peter (Gwen's home) became a monster and died, Shang Tsung got Rick Rolled by himself, you get the idea. Spot made himself like that not Miles.

So Gwen didn't talk to Miles for a really long time because of the whole Spider society thing. When you think about it, none of the other spiders he met did, and I get that they couldn't with the exclusion of Peni. But not one visit? Not one letter? Something??? Now Miles has a little short conversation with Hobie and admits that he only wants to get into the Spider society to talk to his friends and help out with defeating Spot. He just wants to hang with his friends, but Peni and Gwen decided not to do that.

Moving on, I'd like to talk about Miles' walk through within the spider society. They acknowledge Gwen and only Gwen, they don't bother saying hi or even looking at Miles. It was like Miles wasn't even there. Never thought I'd say it, but these Spider men are arse holes. I also got annoyed at the way Jess was talking to him, I get that he's not supposed to be there but she needed to chill.

This anger went when Miles bumped into Margo, and she looked like she was about to lose her cool but she lightened up once she saw who it was, a complete stranger. I'm not a MargoMiles shipper, but I don't mind it (granted so long as they are the same age).

So the scene that goes 0 to 100 quick: I watched a bunch of memes and edits that painted Miguel as racist and I didn't understand why, and thought it was like a Millie Bobby Brown situation. Re-watching the scene where Miles meets Miguel I can see why.

All the other spidermen showed up to gang up on Miles.

"You can't ask me not to save my father."

"I'm not asking."

And hit him with this.

While Miles is freaking out at the sudden imprisonment we can hear Miguel say "We just need to hold him a few days." They were treating Miles like a criminal and/or a confused wild animal. And then Miguel had the nerve to say "All he had to do was listen." when Miles escaped them. I don't think Miguel is racist, but the memes I will support.

Hobie was looking out for Miles as soon as he met him, and I love that so much. He knew Miles wasn't like the ones in the spider society, and made sure to tell Miles to be better. Gwen didn't do that. She did, but she didn't if you know what I mean. She followed along with the crap Miguel was spitting.

And then there was the chase scene. Bro had a bunch of spider men chase Miles and not one of them could catch him. That is the biggest L I've ever seen. One 15 year old boy, and he didn't use his other 2 powers until after Miguel slammed him onto his back. Miles was not playing. Also, Miguel was endangering the lives of people who were driving. And yes, Miguel's at fault and not Miles.

They gave Miles crap just because he didn't want his dad to die, unlike Miguel who actively replaced the life of his other self. Gwen was really going to let her dad die, and Peter B tried to justify it by saying their uncle's death made them who they are. Pavitr was just supposed to get over his love interest's dad dying? They knowingly let that happen.

Miguel calling Miles an anomaly is mega projecting. Miles becoming Spiderman wasn't on purpose it just happened, and that's always how the story goes. No one is simply meant to be Spiderman, they just become him/her. It's also funny coming from a man who crawled on all fours chasing down a teenager.

42 Miles. Prowler Miles. Gonzales. Kilo Immorales. I love him already, can't wait to see the next film where we'll see him in full action. I love how we as a fandom collectively agreed that these two would have a sibling dynamic even though we've only seen 42 Miles for like a minute. I love the Boondocks comparisons as well. I need 42 Miles to hate everyone. I need Miles to be full of rage in the 3rd film Adult Gon style. Prepare for double and make it double.

In conclusion, I should've watched these films when they first came out, they are so great. The art, the incorporation of hip hop and correctness of Afro related backgrounds and the storyline. I honestly felt like Miles was a great representation of the new generation. I saw myself in him, and not just being black but the graffiti and finding out that a family member of yours isn't really a good person. I don't do graffiti or art but I do find them beautiful whenever I see them. Also, the Air Forces. Step aside Peter Parker, we have a Spider man with more drip.

[alchemania]

Barbara, and Bennett: Toxic Positivity (and how they each exude it)

While it's easy to spot negative toxic behavior, toxic positivity can be harder to recognize and pin down. In this blog, I am going to analyze 2 characters in Genshin and explain just how they show traits of toxic positivity. (I originally was going to include Jean, but I already covered her in an earlier blog so it'd just be redundant)

Barbara Page

Barbara is all smiles and sunshine, trying her best to ensure that everyone is happy. However; she does this to an unhealthy degree and often does not prioritize her emotional wellbeing.

#1: Forcing herself to always be happy.

Barbara's story lines state that she "only allows herself to be depressed for 30 seconds" and that after that, she basically puts on a smile; regardless of what she's actually feeling. She often talks about how good everyone is to her, and I honestly believe that Barbara invalidates her own depression because in her eyes; she has a good life and there's no "reason" for her to be sad, plus if she was sad then everyone else would feel down. She hasn't experienced anything traumatic, so how can she have the right to be depressed? But the thing is, she has: her parents divorced when she was young; and Barbara grew up apart from Jean, leading to a lack of a relationship between the two. While the divorce, based on Jean's story lines, did not seem to have a lot of negativity around it (from what I can tell Simon and Frederica actually split on amiable terms, they just fell out of love with each other), it still affected Barbara in a negative way and no doubt she is hurting from it but she's not acknowledging her pain. All trauma is not the same, this is true. But all trauma IS valid; just because someone is hurting less doesn't mean they're NOT hurting and Barbara needs to understand that her pain is valid and give herself time to process it.

#2: Lack of emotional boundaries

If there's anything that Jean and Barbara have in common besides both being healers, it's that they're absolutely terrible at saying no. In Barbara's hangout, she feels guilty for avoiding Albert and wanting to be left alone despite being emotionally exhausted and even wants to apologise, despite doing nothing wrong. Later on when her fans ask for autographs; she agrees, despite being off the clock and trying to take a break: Aether has to step in personally to get people to go away, and not only that; he has to lie through his teeth in order to do so. If you tell the NPCs the truth ("Barbara is currently on leave, please don't disturb her",) they'll reply "Oh she's on leave? Perfect time to ask for an autograph!" They don't care about her feelings; all they care about is what she can do for them and the worst part is that Barbara lets them treat her like this. It's so bad that the Knights have to constantly step in and rescue her because folks can't get it in their heads that off the clock =/= available; and Barbara feels like if she can help other people that she needs to; to the detriment of her own needs. She seems to think it's selfish to put herself first; but looking out for yourself emotionally is anything but. It's okay to say no, it's okay to tell people you're not available. Just because you're free doesn't mean you're up to engage and there's nothing wrong with that. But like Sister Victoria says herself; Barbara is too nice. She gives and gives and gives and expects nothing in return, and people take advantage of that.

#3: Undermining herself through constant praise of others

In her hangout, she tells you that besides singing and healing, she doesn't have anything worthwhile about her, and then goes on about how amazing you are, Jean as well. Barbara doesn't acknowledge her positive traits, and then when she vents to you she apologizes for doing so, since you were supposed to be hanging out and having fun. She puts a lot of her worth in comparison to what other people can DO, and not actual character. Barbara is a lovely person: she's sweet and kind and loving, but because she doesn't see herself as physically strong or powerful, she doesn't think she's worth a lot.

Bennett

My GOD, Bennett is like the EPITOME of toxic positivity.

1. Allows others to mistreat him and take out their feelings on him because he feels it's his fault they're suffering (essentially, a martyr complex)

Bennett's hangout is a prime example of this where when Royce got angry, Bennett simply let him yell until you step in. Due to his almost perpetual bad luck, he feels that he's responsible for the misfortune of the people around him and since he can't physically do anything about it, he attempts to "atone" by letting himself be emotionally assaulted.

He also puts himself in physical danger to keep other people safe (he figures since he's already unlucky, might as well suffer a little more if it means everybody else is okay, right?), and accepts abandonment as the norm since he's a liability. Bennett does not value his wellbeing whatsoever due to constantly being in danger and he seems to be of the mentality "If I'm going to die, at least let me die protecting everybody" and that immensely upsets me that a KID, who's probably no older than 17, is already considering his mortality.

#2: Not allowing himself to process negative emotion

Just like Barbara, Bennett constantly forces himself to always keep a smile on, only in his case it's more to keep himself from getting overwhelmed about his situation. It's heavily implied in his story that Bennett is afraid that he could die any day (and I don't blame him) and so he lives hard and fast because he feels he doesn't have a lot of time. He's cheated death MULTIPLE times (he almost died as a baby, and he almost died prior to receiving his Vision), and Bennett more than likely feels that one day, he's not going to get lucky enough to escape again; and he'll actually die. His life is an entire string of misfortune and unlike Barbara and her parents divorce, Bennett is aware of this trauma: he simply chooses to take it in stride and forces himself to stay upbeat. Which is just as bad as letting negative emotion completely overwhelm him, it's literally just the other ditch.

Bennett also seems very sad about the fact that his team abandoned him but he doesn't let himself process that either (if you respond angrily to the revelation that his teammates left he'll jump to defend them and insist "they had their reasons"- and that may be true, but that doesn't invalidate the trauma and sadness of being left behind because of something you literally cannot control). Similar to Diluc, Bennett is sort of an Atlas of his own right, but instead of carrying all of Mondstat on his shoulders he's shouldering his emotional wellbeing: he refuses to vent to anyone and bottles everything up because he doesn't want to be a burden; but in doing so he's only hurting himself in the long run.

(Thank God for Razor though it seems like he might be hanging around for the long haul and that makes me immensely happy. I could cry. Please don't let anything bad happen to him and Bennett they deserve friendship)

I'm going to go off the beaten path a bit here but, to all you guys reading this; please remember that:

1. Your trauma is valid, regardless of how "lesser" you think it might be.

2. You are not obligated to give yourself emotionally to other people if you are not up to it. You cannot give what you do not have, and if you're not 100% emotionally wise, you really shouldn't be taking on any more negative energy. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. If people can't respect that then they're not worth your time. Set emotional boundaries and don't budge for anyone. The people who are meant to stay will honor your boundaries.

3. It's okay to be sad! And it's okay to be sad and have no idea why. It doesn't matter if you have a 'good life,' depression doesn't care who you are or where you are on your walk of life and sometimes it hits like a truck. Your sadness is valid and don't be afraid to take the time you need to acknowledge and process your negative emotions.

Please take care of yourselves, friends; and be safe.

Have a good day. 💗

[my-headcanons-academia]

Inko chews out Endeavour

Characters: Inko Midoriya, Izuku Midoriya, Shouto Todoroki, Endeavour

Genre: Angst, a little bit of fluff and catharsis

TW: Mentions of child abuse, abusive home life, mental drain

Word Count:3 K

A/N: This may be a teensy bit long :3

•Okay listen

•Midoriya is god damn horrified when he hears what Endeavour did/does to his kids. He had obviously guessed that the second-best hero there is who is training his family to also become heroes would have some extensive regime but what Shouto explained wasn't "training" it was just abuse.

•He immediately offers Shouto and his sibling's a place with him and his mum without a moment's hesitation. They're not as rich as the Todoroki's or live in as big a house with as good food, but they're happy. •And when Shouto declines, Izuku isn't really sure what to do.

• it's not his place to tell any media or higher authorities, it'd drastically change the lives of Shouto and his siblings and would affect all of them the rest of their lives. He feels like he can't do much and a part of him feels like doing nothing means he's condoning the abuse that still happens in that home like the emotional neglect and things Shouto may not have mentioned. But he can't do anything about that right now, simply because Shouto won't let him. And while Izuku is fighting every instinct he has which is to take the Todoroki siblings out of there and into a therapist's office, it's not his place to do that.

•So instead, he does what he can for them, like offer to go places more so they're out of the house. Offer free anonymous therapy sites. Have their own improv therapy whenever needed. Promise to be there for whoever trusts him and for those who it may take longer to trust him.

•But with all his good intentions, he starts to bite off more than he can chew. Even when it's not in the midst of midnight therapy or distracting days out, it's constantly nagging at the back of his mind that he wants to do more and he isn't doing everything he can. He doesn't want to "fail" at being a good friend, since he hasn't had many experiences to base off (or any for that matter) but he is running out of emotional room.

•Contrary to the Todoroki household, Inko Midoriya actually notices when her child is going through some rough times and tries to do her best to help.

•I imagine Inko and Midoriya have a close relationship. With no other reliable parent figure in the house, they spent a lot of time together. Not only are they parent and child, but they are also friends who enjoy each others company. Inko may not always understand his fascination with All Might but she'll always ask questions and prompt him to go on about the differences in All Might's costumes and moves, even if she knows all the answers already in the same way Izuku may not understand why she enjoys sewing so much ever since she made him his hero costume but will not hesitate to help her go shopping for and carry new fabrics as she talks about the colours and texture helping boost peoples confidence. (She wants to get better at sewing so she can make a new costume for him that's better than ever before.) •And because Inko and Izuku were rather close, she knew his tells. she'd learnt well from their daily game nights to know when he lying and when he was hiding things. But that was during games. This was far more strenuous. But before she rushed in and crowded him, Inko thought that if there were really something he didn't want her to know, then she shouldn't know. So long as it doesn't hurt him. So, respecting the fact he is now a teenage boy and not a child anymore, she knew he was smart enough to make his own decisions.

•But also being herself, she still wanted to help, even if she didn't know exactly what was going on.

•At first, she thought Izuku wasn't sleeping enough because of the stress of UA so she'd plan days to the seaside or mini-holiday or they could try to make a new dessert or do a movie marathons to distract him from it. And she always took note of how very time she offered, he'd always insist some way or another that the Todoroki's join them which of course she had no quarrels with, she was delighted he loved spending so much time with his friends!

•When that didn't help she offered to get him a tutor, maybe he was anxious about his studies? She didn't trust her own education enough to tutor him as he was always impressing her with fun trivia and general knowledge but she'd taken a break in her sewing hobby to save up some money to be able to pay for a tutor.

•But when he began not eating as much, mind always preoccupied with something else than his usual hero ideology and theories, the day of the annual parent-teacher meeting and Izuku hadn't uttered a word since he got home, she sat him down on the couch, held his hands, his scarred and trembling hands, and she asked him. "Are you alright?"

•She's asked this many times before, every time he came home from school, every time she found him up in the middle of the night shakily drinking some water while staring at his phone as if expecting some death from the family. But this time? •This time her words echo in Izuku's head, getting louder and louder with each reverberation, picking up speed and other voices with every hit to his mind, the sound of text messages, quiet telephone calls, rushed breathing, stifled words, hearing footsteps from the other line, the need to help all drowning him in a cacophony of utter helplessness. •And he crumples against his mother, clawing onto her shirt like a life-jacket barely keeping him afloat above the ocean of noise only he is in and he cries. The tears stain Inko's cardigan and she wraps her arms around him, pulling him onto her lap like she used to when he was a child, she holds her son, her baby boy, as his tears dampen her clothes and his voice breaks choking on sobs.

•It was a long day.

•Izuku and Shouto had talked before about telling Inko or an adult or just anyone but there was always some reason, some excuse why it couldn't happen yet. It would be a decision all the siblings would have to agree to as it affects all their lives. Fuyumi was always hesitant, so cautious and making sure if anything were to happen nothing could be left to chance and all outcomes had to be planned. Natsuo wanted whatever would help everyone the most, and if no one was ready to do anything right now, then he'd wait. Shouto thought long ago that if what his father did to his family ever came to light, it would be brought up for the rest of his hero career and he'd never be able to truly escape his dad's hold if it always followed him like that. And until he met Midoriya, that's what he thought for years.

•Shouto was warming up to the idea of saying what happened to him specifically to someone. To see what would happen.

•And that is what Izuku could let slip. The things Shouto had told him at the sports festival, the reason for his scar, his spiteful technique and motivation to be a hero. •It was a long day. •The moment all was said and done, that he had run out of tears to cry, that he had ruined his mother's cardigan by stretching it with his grip and made it soggy with his sobs, that he could breathe without a hiccup or tremor interrupting him, he was completely drained. There was a mix of hollowness after spending so long building it all up, unsure every step of the way whether he's doing the right thing or not and the relief of finally letting there be room for him to breathe.

•But in his hollow chest was a stab of guilt, anxiety, crawling back up his throat and blocking his lungs like a thick mucus of worry. Had he done the wrong thing? It wasn't his place to say- He should have talked with Shouto more about this- Was he wrong to have done nothing so far?- Oh god he's done nothing right- this could hurt them-

• "Shhh," Inko gently held the back of his head and rubbed small circles with her thumb into the back of his neck, like she used to to do calm him down as a child, it still worked "It's-..." Inko collected her thoughts. It was certainly a lot to process, she had her suspicions but she thought she was being paranoid. She'll learn to trust her gut more. "It's not alright right now, but one day it will be. For you and for them."

•And that worry in his chest turned to blunt guilt, he shouldn't be the one crying while Shouto and his siblings have withstood literal torture all their lives, he should be stronger, he needs to be stronger to help them-

•"You are children. And none of you should have to deal with this. I know you're growing up faster than I can blink and you're being a hero more and more every day, but that doesn't mean you were prepared for this exact situation. They train you to fight villains and criminals and how to save those in immediate peril who want saving. Not thins like this." Inko continued to speak softly, pulling Izuku closer and soothing the back of his neck "Thank you for telling me and I can understand why you wouldn't want me to meddle as it may be out of my depth, but, two people helping them is better than one."

• Midoriya told Shouto what had happened and apologised for spilling too early, apologised for not doing enough, apologised for being less than open about the emotional and mental space he had to spare, promising to be more aware of it so long as Shouto continues to trust him and talk when needed. Shouto was confused as to why Midoriya was apologising so much as always and despite the apprehension in his movements, Shouto had spent enough time with Inko to trust her. And also to know that while Inko is kind, that isn't all she is.

•Shouto had seen her repay the kindness people had shown her tenfold with gifts, acts of service, compliments, reassurance and more. And something about that deep-rooted kindness tipped him off to the idea that if someone were to take advantage of her kindness or her son, that injustice too shall be repaid. And, as slow as it was and as long as it took, he knew she considers him her son too.

• Overall, the parent-teacher meeting was going well for most students. Most students were in their more casual clothes except those who had been too lazy to change out of their school uniform for the day albeit having their shirts scandalously untucked and top buttons undone (Except for Bakugo who in the presence of his mother for the first time had his tie actually tied, truly it was a sight to behold and blackmail photos to be used for months.)

• Amidst all the parents gathering together while waiting for the respective teachers to be free of their current appointments, there he was. Enji Todoroki, Endeavour in his hero costume supposedly fresh from the job. • And thus, politely fuelled by karmic fury the 5'2 force of nature marched up with a smile to the flaming rotting piece of shit excuse she can barely call a human being and greeted him.

• "Oh, hello Enji." Inko smiles. Izuku stands back with Shouto on the sidelines, watching the encounter unfold. • First of all, the informality caught him off guard. Usually, he'd be used to fans being "Overly-friendly" but something about the smile in her voice didn't sit right with the way fans usually say it. This turned a few heads.

• "And..who are you?"

• "Why I am so glad you asked, my name is Inko Midoriya, the woman whose house your son goes to every day but I suppose you wouldn't know that since as long as he's keeping up his work then there is nothing else to do with him at all," she coughed ", like parenting," and continued "Speaking of being in public I could never be as confident as you are to go to a casual event in a full-on hero costume but I suppose if it helps boost your ego then go for it! Although, speaking from the perspective of a concerned parent, aren't all of those flames a safety hazard! what if you were near a flammable thing like, oh I don't know, civilians clothes in a place you know where said civilians are tightly packed together, or there could be someone well-known to have a flammable quirk nearby or just a building's structure being, on the whole, a rather flammable thing?" Her head turned to the overgrown vermin who lead the school who had entered the room upon hearing there was a commotion "Not that I doubt UA's defence measures and predicted disastrous occurrences as no such thing has ever failed in the past. It's just the safety of children and the future generation of heroes after all." and just as quickly turned back to Endeavour

•"You know I noticed there are plenty of other pro-heroes here who are just fine in their everyday clothing because they recognise this get together is about their children's achievements and not their own. Why, if I didn't know any better I'd say you really are that insecure in your title slipping because that's what being a hero is all about, the title, that you'd distract entire families from the point of being here just to pay attention to you because it's not like being the second supposedly best hero there is credits you any attention."

• Enji barely had time to stop the flames protruding from his hero suit from dying out as peoples heads turned to pay attention. By now every student had pulled out their phone to record the situation.

•Nedzu was on his way over, laughing awkwardly ready to diffuse the situation but had miraculously been needed for a sudden important event in the teacher's lounge and was immediately escorted by Aizawa and Present Mic.

•"Oh and may I go on and say you truly are an inspirational story of how being raised as a gifted child must have been really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your life thinking you’re worth a damn without your quirk so you made it your entire personality until you developed your own actual personality because of course you, the Number Two hero would outgrow such a childish nature. That sounds rough," she pouted in mock sympathy.

• Endeavour snarled behind gritted teeth, barely stopping himself from acting out of hand at the public slander. "Just who do you think you are-"

•"Like I said, my name is Inko Midoriya, the pleasure is all mine I'm sure, or did you not hear me the first time while that fire was covering your ears? just like how it must have covered your eyes with choosing that outfit to be approachable. Oh do excuse me if that seemed rude, I'm a seamstress as a hobby you see so I tend to have an eye for when things are just wrong in every way. Honestly, if you didn't parade your title everywhere you go I'd mistake you for a villain on sight. You see, I'm only a seamstress and not a hero like you as you love to flaunt no matter the situation or need for it, but it must be so rewarding to save all those people every day and return to a home with your loving children and children who want to do the exact same thing and be exactly like you because you must be such good role-model and parent to have accomplished so much in your career and of course spent enough time on each of your children to help them grow to be happy, full of inspiration and their own dreams to fulfil. Oh, and of course your wife who must be so proud of the person you've become!"

• By this point the flames had been sputtering at random, a rare purple and even blue flamer erupting once and again as this woman continued talking and the parents out the corner of his eye who thought they were out of his sight nod their head and faces contort into realising the full weight of the truth they already knew but now understand.

• But Inko was nowhere near close to done, Endeavour could hear as much when she took a small break to smile and take a bigger breath to continue. • And blinded by the public's disapproval of everything he had convinced he had Done for the good of the civilians, he could feel the ground, just like his title, being pulled from under him as quicker heroes hit the back of his knees as Inko swung her handbag with the metal buckle across Endeavours face while she was being pulled safety away from the punch Enji hadn't realised fast enough he had thrown.

• The videos uploaded by students went viral in seconds

•"shocked" by the number two hero's emotional outburst with malicious intent to harm an unarmed civilian, Inko let it be known she found it unsuitable that he go back home to his children and instead of that they live with her and make a record with either police or a licensed therapist to make a note of any other emotional outbursts or strange and potentially dangerous behaviour in complete confidentiality.

[thetaoofbetty]

so i've started rewatching riverdale since we're in hiatus. i still genually don't know why people take things hard against betty. i keep seeing people hating on betty for using cheryl's trauma but have they forget about the heart of a pig cheryl sent to josie? i mean i'm a betty fan but also a jughead fan and i admit that he cut off a woman's arm her tattoo💀 no one in riverdale is good so why they controle every actions betty make? and about betty being a bad freind to veronica, everytime she apologised to her, even about the cheating ! about ba, when they first kissed everyone came clear, first they were all broken up and i mean v&j even kissed, the second time veronica forgave archie and jug seems to want to too. speaking of it i always thought when she said that what they were doing (she and archie) was because things were changing and she got scared(?), don't remeber clearly but i think she was telling the truth. i mean she had to pretend her boyfriend was dead, she was afraid she could've hurted, they would get caught, you can't blame her for drowing in a safe nostalgia that is her childhood idea of archie and her. maybe it's because i'm a betty fan, but i don't see what she's done worst than any other charcater in riverdale. if they don't like her it's fine but don't give us reasons of why we shouldn't too when also their faves did bad things. anyway i hope you're doing fine on this hiatus lol. i just wanted to say that i love your wirting so much and thank you for being betty (and jug's) protector !! 😌

ahh, yes. the annual re-writing of bughead’s history. i am familiar with that particular fandom genre. like, none of these people handle things well? they all have their ways and sometimes they do it questionably—okay it’s mostly questionable. but it’s a tv show and i’m like, eh about a lot of it. people do not like the mirror that gets held up to their favorites sometimes and it is what it is. hating on betty has been a long acceptable thing to do. 

i always forget about the pig heart thing, tbh. 

sometimes i think the issue with betty and veronica (aside from the show not writing it) is because they have a tendency to treat veronica like a supporting character in her own storylines (i do not like this) and betty is often so busy in her own plot arcs that veronica will pop up to be supportive of betty and then it’s like, well veronica was there for her that time... if this show would ever let betty or jughead breathe, that would be great. like, just a smidge? a touch? for five minutes? 

which also makes me think sometimes that betty is so traumatized (and the men on the show are written to be more sympathetic than the women, fight me) that people are totally numb to it and shrug it off and forget about everything she’s been through. she’s not punching people for jughead so she can’t possibly be fighting for him right? just because she fights for him in a different way (supporting his choices, helping him when he needs it, supporting his writing, etc) doesn’t mean she’s not trying. 

listen, i have thoughts that literally no one wants to hear on what i think they should have done if they were going to force that 4x17 arc down our throats and none of it was frigging out of nowhere like it was, ha. and it didn’t even matter so it was all pointless in the end. 

pretending that betty is suddenly a different person and bad for jughead after 5x09 feels kind of transparent to me for obvious reasons? am i the only one who remembers s1? 1x03? the part in 1x10 where she sits in the booth with jughead and tells him, “something is very, very wrong with me...”? s2 and beyond? 

jughead’s affection or vulnerability or support in those moments for her always get elevated in fandom over what the scene was actually about and yes, i think that’s a problem. 

and oof, jughead and archie, man. i understand jughead’s insecurity where archie comes in and sure, it’s been a long time coming so i think they really need to have it out (will the show do it? i don’t know) because jughead keeps acting like it’s okay when it’s clearly not. i have thoughts but i don’t want to ramble but like, i just want jughead to express himself with archie and lay out the obvious resentment instead of worrying about how archie feels about it. because i don’t think archie thinks much about it at all and i think we know that jughead thinks about it all the time. betty’s felt her consequences for the last 7 years so i think archie deserves to sit with the knowledge of what he did to one of his best friends too. 

 thank you for the kind message, doll! and i hope you’re doing fine too!💜

[thefirstknife]

you have a personal vendetta against other blogs bc you keep tagging them asking why they're not talking about this or that issue. essentially, you're policing them about what they should or shouldn't post about. for the record, this isn't a jem defense ask, and you dismissing criticism about your behavior by saying "you sound like someone who only reads jem's blog" is incredibly disrespectful yikes.

I only ever tagged Jem, once. I replied once before to an already existing post, but that's about it. No clue which other blogs you're talking about as being tagged out of the blue by me.

I wondered about Jem in particular because she vagued about the drama and called everyone performative activists who are dogpiling an artist for woke points and I found that very strange because I've seen Jem telling people they're ableist and sexist if they're talking about a theory about Osiris.

No idea how to make this as clear as possible, but I'll give it a try, under the cut because long:

Jem said that certain fandom behaviour is ableist and sexist, which means that Jem understands that fandom behaviour about certain characters can be harmful. She posted about this, called people out as being sexist and ableist and also noted that if Bungie goes with that theory, she will support dogpiling the devs about being sexist and ableist.

Yesterday we discovered whitewashed art and pointed it out, but there's been an incredible amount of backlash saying we're all armchair activists posting for woke points by calling out whitewashing.

What's the difference? Why is Jem acting like her takes are legitimate activism, but other takes are just "hashtage woke"? Why is calling out whitewashing not a legitimate fandom issue to her?

Whitewashing is a legitimate issue in fandom and online spaces in general. It should be pointed out. It should also be noted that it can happen accidentally and that we should give the artist the benefit of the doubt to fix the mistake. Which I've done and I'm still willing to do.

You're absolutely only taking this from Jem's side and her post, which she thought I wouldn't be able to see due to me being blocked, but I can see it. Which is why I can tell that you're coming from her post.

This incident is documented here. As stated, Jem used a derogatory term. Jem was notified about using a derogatory term by another user, she DELETED their warning and made a separate post to apologise for using a derogatory term. I find that pretty hashtag woke (to use Jem's terminology) to appear better in other people's eyes instead of replying directly to the user who pointed a derogatory term out and apologising directly.

Pot calling the kettle black (instead I do actually apologise to people directly, I don't delete their replies to make myself look better). I'm glad she apologised for using the term, that's good no matter what and I respect it. I don't respect framing the apology in this way. I don't respect deleting a comment from the person who pointed the derogatory term out, ignoring that person and making a separate post without crediting someone who called you out.

It doesn't help that the same person is the one who pointed out whitewashing and has been getting transphobic attacks from the very people who are reblogging and supporting Jem's post. Basically, Jem evidently does not want to be called out on her mistakes and does not want to acknowledge them.

I also want to address the following:

Nice gatekeeping language with the "ever since you got here." It seems to me that before I got here, some people in the fandom were never challenged on their posts, or they were and they were promptly dogpiled and blocked. Since the incident I linked above, numerous people came out and said that Jem has been a menace in the Destiny community for a very long time.

I am so eager to find out which blogs I've been digging through looking for dirt and ripping out context. Because the only ones I've ever addressed are people are actively engaging in bigotry in the fandom. Bigotry that makes other people unwilling to engage with the fandom, talk and socialise. Bigotry is making the fandom space unsafe for a large amount of marginalised groups in our community. I will KEEP pointing out bigotry in the fandom. I don't even have to dig, because some people in the fandom keep their dirt on the surface, but if I have to dig to prove that there's bigoted ulterior motives, I will.

I want marginalised groups and minors to feel safe in the community. I want bigots to feel unsafe. Not the other way around. Call it performative all you want.

Already addressed this pile of crap. Jem swung here but ultimately missed by a mile. She gave it a try, but unfortunately she doesn't really understand these things very well, which isn't a surprise considering she picks which battles to take by throwing darts on a board and considering she doesn't care who supports her as long as it's support. Post where I explain mentioning anxiety and original post where I mention it. Please try to read through these on your own and engage critical thinking and then compare it to whatever the hell Jem has going on in this paragraph.

The only liar and truth-twister here is Jem. And according to other people in the community, it's nothing new.

Since people aren't clicking links: I got anon hate telling me to do real life activism instead of posting on my Destiny blog. I explained that this is a tumblr blog about Destiny so you can't tell whether or not I'm doing real life activism based on my tumblr blog. I jokingly added that due to having anxiety, I am capable of caring about multiple issues at once. I did not use it as an excuse in any capacity, but Jem has nothing else to attack me for so she had to scrap the bottom of the barrel to find something.

Please read something other than her horrid takes.

Another tragic miss from Jem, who has worse accuracy than me in Trials. I have so many friends to vent to and I've been venting to them this entire time. They're all sending their regards.

This is like a billionth time that I'm saying that I don't support anon hate and that I do not have physical control over other people's devices and tumblr blogs so I can't stop them from sending anon hate. I said it multiple times: don't send anon hate in my name.

I am not sure how Jem wants me to enforce this. But I also received anon hate and so have other people who participated in this discourse so, pot kettle.

Jem is heavily projecting her own reasons for causing drama and thinks that everyone does it for the same reasons as she does. Weird slip.

Anyway, you can tell Jem that I've seen it and that I say: Bye!

[jaedreaminn]

8th Deadly Sin

Summary

The world is complicated and hard to understand- is what the common belief tells us. But life's more simple than that.

You've got the pure emotions: love, joy, empathy... the list goes on. And you've got the Seven Deadly Sins: Lust, Pride, Envy, Greed, Gluttony, Sloth, Wrath. The Seven Deadly Sins danced around the Earth freely causing chaos and distress with every step they took

The last this this world needed was an Eight Sin

Pairings: Taeil x fem!reader

Theme: Angst, Death, Love, Cheating, Sadness, Emotional, fluff but o ly to distract you.

Characters: Taeil, Taeyong, Yuta, Kun, Ten, Lucas, Mark, Renjun, Jaemin, Jisung, Yeri «mentioned» Chenle.

Word Count: 2.2k

Taeil watched as the seven deadly sins wreaked havoc across the Earth.

He watched as Lust, Yuta, swept across the dark dim-lit rooms of secrets, betrayal and tangled limbs. How he made people desire more than what was theirs to take and made them have the most sinful thoughts for the most innocent ones.

And how Mark inflated the egos of people, making them too proud to exist in the same place as the low-lives. He gave them pride so deep that it killed them, a slow and lonely death. Mark prospered as Pride.

He then spotted Taeyong, with his eye-catching green hair, swooping around whispering complaints in people's ears. His victims' eyes turned green with envy as they wasted their lives in the shadows of what they could never have of others. He truly was the embodiment of Envy- so perfect yet jealous of everyone else.

Then there was Jisung who walked around demanding people take more than what they needed. He walked about, bringing thirst for objects in the minds of people as they took and took and took and could never be satisfied. No matter how many loved ones Jisung took from the people he cursed, it was never enough for him. He was, after all, Greed.

Lucas targeted the lonely who were deemed too unsuccessful to be claimed by Greed. He gave them a taste and then they could never stop eating their feelings away. The consumed and consumed and consumed and never shared. They starved others to satisfy their hunger. Lucas did a perfect job as Gluttony.

Just a bit further from Lucas was Ten, who strolled the streets. His movements were slow and cat-like. Wherever he went he drained the life out of that place. He made people dull and slow. Demotivated them, so that they could rot away, stuck on their couch, like the sloth they were, like the Sloth he is.

His eyes swept across the land as it landed on a small boy, innocent and pure looking. One might even confuse him for one of the pure feelings if they didn't know what raged in on his mind. He held such dark emotions behind his pretty little face. He broke apart families, gave out negative feelings so deep it made people want to tear each other apart, he caused merciless wars of hatred. He spread wrath through nations and broke down peace. He was Renjun, the embodiment of Wrath.

Taeil gave the sins who roamed the earth one last glance before strolling around, spreading love wherever he went. He smiled watching people look at their partners as if they hung the stars in the sky. He gifted the most lonely and hopeless souls a reason to live.

"How was today?" Kun asked, a smile on his face as he lit up his surroundings with a bright serene glow. He truly looked like peace.

"It was good." Taeil smiled. "Doing your usual check?" He asked Kun who simply nodded.

"You know it," he said, patting Taeil on the back and walked away. Among all the pure feelings Kun was the one that held the most power, he was more powerful than all the sins combined. He controlled both the pure feeling and the seven deadly sins and led both to a peaceful coexistence.

Taeil then stopped as he spotted you. You were y/n or also known as laughter, you weren't one of the pure feelings but you were a being that existed hopping about the world spreading a different kind of melody.

He stood there looking at you in awe as you brought a warm hue with you as you laughed at the silliest of jokes, intoxicating your surroundings with giggles.

He found it impossible not to laugh in your presence and also found it impossible not to stare. He would sit there and look at you so in love. And you would smile at him and do everything you could to spend time with him because you felt happier around him.

You two most definitely loved each other, and all the other beings knew about it. But Taeil knew love never came easy.

Taeil watched as you laughed with Jaemin the feeling of Joy. He wanted to be able to connect with you the way Jaemin could but he knew it wasn't possible.

Taeyong walked in "Oh Taeil it's you...." he had said upon seeing Taeil who was watching you intently.

"Do you need something Envy?" Taeli

had asked politely.

Taeyong gave him a small smile "Nothing just thought I saw green" and left.

Taeil watched and watched how you would be so Happy around Jaemin and as love reasoning told him that he wanted to be the only one to make you happy, so he told you. He told you 'Stay away from Jaemin because I can be the only one to make you happy or I have failed as love'.

And you obliged without batting an eyelash, the thought of losing him scaring you for eternity. Jisung had accidentally walked in on the two of you after you made the promise but didn't leave without a dry laugh as he looked at you and Taeil.

Taeil used to watch in awe how you would hop around the world giggling and your job would be done, now it only annoyed him. Annoyed him at how quickly you got your job done while it took time to make people fall in love. He was more powerful among the two of you, his duty should be quick, not yours.

"Y/n I think you should work as long as I have to or you might get tempted to talk to the others in your free time while I make people fall in love with each other," he said to you and you looked at him dumbfounded.

"But it's not required, laughter comes from a happy memory and that lasts for life time." you tried to argue.

"But it could be like a gesture of love towards me, love himself" Taeil smiled at you "Plus a little extra laughter never hurt anyone"

You gave him a weary smile "yes it never hurt anyone."

It hurt you. Your capacity was only a few happy bounces across the world, your job never felt like a chore it was supposed to be fun but now doing it for much longer than you normally did, it drained the energy from you, but if it meant showing Taeil who never had a problem showing that he loved you see that you love him just as much then it was worth it.

"You must be proud" Mark had walked up to Taeil one day and said. "What do you mean?" Taeil frowned and Mark smiled "proud of what y/n is doing for you" and Taeil only smiles satisfied at the fact that his work took lesser time than yours, he couldn't admit to himself out loud that it affected him that you did your job so easily.

"Let's go out for a picnic" you had suggested one day as you and Taeil sat in the sky, enjoying the bliss.

"But it's so comfortable here" he murmured.

"But we are always comfortable! let's do something exciting," you said eyes sparkling and ideas floating through your head.

"Love isn't about doing things it's about just existing peacefully together." he said and you tried your best to smile.

"He's right" sang out a soft voice from just a bit above you and you looked up to meet the eyes of none other than Ten the sloth.

"Peace is good," he said, a Cheshire cat smile pasted on his face.

"You only think that cause you're Sloth" you frowned.

"The least harmful of all the sins, trust me it's good sometimes just...." He paused to think of a word "resting" he finished his sentence and stretched getting comfortable where he lay.

"Yes and Ten's quite sensible. Listen to him and rest with me." Taeil said, opening his arms for you.

"But didn't you say love was about gestures? Let's have one crazy, amazing romantic time" you pleaded.

"Love is about subtle gestures. We've been in love for so long we don't need to put in the effort anymore." He said and then turned to look at you and smiled "Rest with me y/n" he opened his arms wide and with a small 'okay' you agreed nestling yourself between his arms, a frown on your face.

"Love, can you please help me?" asked Yeri. "I need peace to forgive me and he'll listen to you for sure," she said, running her fingers up his arm. You watched with a frown knowing he would say yes, she was after all manipulation.

"Alright where is he?" Taeil asked and she let out a sequel dragging him along with her.

You sat a frown etched into your forehead, it worried you a lot. Taeil always did talk about Yeri fondly and you knew Yeri was a bit too fond of Taeil. But he was love and he loved you so you shouldn't worry...right?

He didn't return home even after the moon brought night on earth in two different places but Yuta did come to visit. He was always good to you and he made you an offer for revenge which you were quick to decline, instead, he comforted you and apologised knowing what had actually;y happened. Of course he knew, he was lust after all.

You never smiled or frowned because Taeil did return to you. That meant he still loved you, but he never told you what happened but you knew.

You dragged your feet around earth getting your job done and then spent time with Taeil who had gotten fidgety around you and started to only eat when the two of you were together, to avoid talking.

You got tired of the life you were living, exhausted from overworking yourself and you were lonely.

"Y/n you look awful what happened" it was Jaemin and you looked at him and then looked at the floor not wanting to answer.

"Aww don't be so dull you're laughter after all give me a smile" he insisted and you gave a half-hearted smile.

"There it is!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands together proud of your small little smile "That was good very good." He said smiling himself and it was just his aura as joy that calmed you a bit and made your mood better and you genuinely smiled.

"Y/n!" Taeils voice boomed.

"Love," you said, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I ASKED YOU FOR ONE SIMPLE THING AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT," He said venom seeping out of his every word "I LOVE YOU AND GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE AND ASK OF YOU ONE THING- LET ME BE THE ONE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY" he snarled holding onto your arm tightly. "BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT"

Tears started falling from your eyes and Jaemins eyes widened.

"We are done, I don't think I want to love you anymore," Taeil said, letting go of your arm and walking away. You lost all balance and started to fall as he walked away but Jaemin caught you.

When he walked away he revealed a red eye'd Renjun standing behind him, an evil smile on his face. But the red in his eyes faded and his smile turned into a frown as he saw you.

"No no y/n I'm so sorry I couldn't control my power. his anger was just so much more powerful than the rest of Earth" Renjun ran to you getting on his knees apologising.

At this point, you were too weak to even cry anymore.

"You don't look so good. Are you okay?" You heard Jaemin ask but you weren't able to answer him as you felt weaker by the second.

Taeil stopped in his path hearing the commotion feeling sorry for his outburst and walked back towards you and what he saw scared him.

You were pale, most of the warm colours from you were gone, eyes droopy and suddenly you looked skinnier than he remembered you to be.

His eyes widened and dread set on him, you were dying.

"Oh no...no no no y/n hold on we'll get you to peace and I'm sure Kun will help" Taeil ran to you, tears in his eyes "You'll be alright" he cried reaching to carry you but you used all your remaining strength to stop him, laying a hand on top of his. "It's okay" you softly said as you slowly faded away from the world, turning into a cloud of golden dust. You left without telling him you loved him and he never got to tell you he loved you. But did you deserve his corrupted love?

It broke him.

"Love" Echoed Kuns stern voice.

"I hate to say this but you have done this," he said, his voice laced with anger. "You can no more be a pure feeling." he glared at Taeil and walked away.

Taeil sat on top of the world, watching as it got to experience a new echo of laughter by the name of Zhong Chenle, wishing it was you instead.

His eyes lingered to the other seven sins as they wreaked havoc and caused chaos and sighed getting up, leaving his peace and comfort to join them as Love, the 8th Deadly Sin.

[tsukkis7th-hoesblog]

It was a misunderstanding.

Warning : nothing to bad , swearing

Tsukkishima ×reader , kuroo x reader ,akaashi x reader ,bokuto x reader .

_______________________________________

The boys were still all practising even though the coaches had called it a night. And you just finished cleaning the gym with kiyoko and were heading to the kitchen to prepare dinner .

As you were walking past the gyms a ball flys out and hits your head . You fall back from the impact ,which leaves ur butt on the concrete . You look up to see kiyoko. She has a worried look on her face . Then from the corner of your eye u see a tall white figure rushing towards you , it was tsukki .

He bent down towards you , you were about to tell him that u were alright but he just grabs the ball and stand back up . He just looks at kiyoko once "is she ok?" You nod and he just turns around and started walking toward the entrance of gym 3 .

"Hey! Tsukki who the hell do you think u are ?" You scream as u quickly get on your feet and move towards him . He swiftly turns around and you hit your face in his chest . "What?" He says wiping his shirt . "Your not even going to apologise to me " you say putting my hand on my hip . "You said you were fine so nothing even happend , stop over-reacting " with that he just turns around and walk into the gym .

You were used to his bitchy side , but u wanted to piss him off the way he always does to you . So like a dumbass you walk into the gym forgetting that other people are also practising ."tsukki !!! You son of a bitch , I'm gonna shove that ball up ur big white a-" you stop ,seeing kuroo with the ball in his hands . He just looks up with a disgusted look on his face "wait , this ball ?" And throws it to bokuto .

You quickly palm ur face and grab the ball from bokuto and hit a serve towards the tall blonde head that belonged to tsukki . His back was facing you so saw his glasses hit the floor . But by Akaashi's reaction you realized you might have over-reacted a little .

He slowly turns around , his glasses still on the floor. He just grabs the ball and walks towards me . You were terrified , u put ur hands behind ur back and looked at ur feet . Now he was right in front if you , towering over u . You try to say something but is cut off by tsukki putting a finger below ur chin ,making you look into his eyes. And for a few seconds u were speechless . You have never actually seen him without glasses , and he actually looked hot when he was so angry like this .

"I didnt throw the ball out of the gym so I didnt think I needed to say sorry to you , but either way I dont think u needed to throw that ball at me ?" He says with a raspy voice . He just puts the ball in my hands . I look at him confused "wait , u arnt gonna scold me ?" You say confused .

"It was a misunderstanding, beside I dont have the time " he says with a straight face , then turns around to walk towards the benches and drink some water . You were still in shock and only now realized that three of the gym 3 squad were staring at u and tsukki. Kuroo was wearing tsukki's glasses and bokuto had his elbow rested on kuroo's shoulder . Even akaashi stood close to them not saying a thing but just watching the commotion.

"What are u idiots looking at ? " you say as you ran to kuroo and grab tsukki's glasses off of him . "Hey! I look hot with those on " he whines as I clean the lens with my shirt .

Y/n pov .

"Damn y/n , that jump serve was really good . Who would have known you become a pro when u get angry " bokuto says as he towers behind me . "Oh shush, "

"can I have my glasses back ?" Tsukki asks with his hand extended .

I hand it to him and he simply just walks away . I felt a little sad and move towards akaashi and softly said "that's too bad , he actually looked really hot without those glasses" akaashi looks a little surprised but then smirks and leaves me to go practise . And I couldn't help to think of tsukki in that way , he usually just annoys me and I annoy him . It's how it's always been , but I find his rudeness kind of amusing .

Idk what pov this is :

you thanked ur bad taste in men and began cleaning up the gym . You only then realized that kiyoko had left and u were left to clean the entire gym .

You were wearing a sweatshirt but you were getting kinda sweaty after cleaning around and decided to take it off. You only had a light purple crop top with short white shorts . You didnt really think much if it and tied ur hair and began doing the heavy lifting .

Third pov .

Bokuto was just about to hit a strike but the ball stopped a few meters in front of him . He froze in confusion to why the ball was too short, he turns to akaashi .

To see ,akaashi standing still and was staring at y/n . Her hair was tied up and she was practically wearing nothing . Now all the boys realized .

Bokuto felt his heart drop as he saw how short ur shorts were, and they were practically invisible because they were so tight .

Akaashi wanted to grab ur waist and slide his hands up ur shirt .

kuroo wanted to grab ur hair and rip ur shirt off and take you right there in the gym , he then felt his shorts get a little tighter .

If u think these boys were starstruck , tsukki had a much different idea in his head .

He didnt even realized anything until he saw the players attention elsewhere. He noticed how u look when u tied your hair , as u almost never had ur hair in a high ponytail. And he knew he'd already seen you wear that shirt before, but with those shorts he felt like he had seen u for the first time .

You were still oblivious to the situation the boys were in ,until you realized that they were too quite for too long. You turned ur head to see all eyes on you . "What" you say with a bench in your hand .

The boys looked around all shy until kuroo came rushing towards u " you shouldn't be doing all this by yourself, here let me help " he said as he took the weight of the bench . Now you were even more shocked ,"its my job but thanks " you say as you smile at yourself like a idiot .

"What are you smiling about?" Tsukki says as he grabs the empty water bottles that were laying on the floor . You turn around to see bokuto grabbing the towels from akaashi's bunch . You were really confused now . But you let it be , after the boys where done with ur job they just stood in front of u with their hands behind their backs .

"Ok you guys are acting really weird ,what happened?" No one said anything. So you quickly thought of something .

"Ok if you guys are done I'm going to hang out with daichi and asahi, he was calling me a while a- "

"NO !" All the boys scream and stretch their hands out .

"Why are u guys acting so weird? Bokuto tell me now !" I say knowing bokuto too well .

He gives me puppy eyes and takes one look at akaashi , who was giving bokuto a death glare . "Sorry y/n "

" You just look so hot in those clothes today " kuroo blurted.

"What " I say , my eyes almost popping out of my head by the change in character and situation . The other boys groan in annoyance and tsukki just tskk.

You raise ur eyebrow at the boys " ok thanks for the ego boost I was feeling a bit insecure today but like what the fuck , u guys are so weird " I say laughing. "Why are you guys making such a big deal out of this ? " akaashi was the colour of a tomato , and his eyes not daring to look you in the eyes .

"We just couldn't focus on the game with you doing.. well the things you were doing .We are only men can u blame us ." Bokuto says with smirk on him face .

" you are still boys but you guys are the real ones to talk " I say bending down to grab my sweatshirt as akaashi and tsukki sit down on the ground. "Whats that suppose to mean ?" Tsukki asks drinking from his bottle .

"Are you guys that dumb ?" I say as they all give me confused looks. "You guys are 6 feet something boys wearing booty shorts and tight shirts while jumping, screaming and sliding on the floor . Theres a reason I became manager without even knowing it was a volleyball club. To be honest you guys are probably the hottest boys I've ever seen "you said too much . As if these boys weren't cocky before , you knew u had actually killed them . "I mean only when u guys play in a proper match "

"That's why you used to come to every practise first and then leave the last " tsukki said .

"No I'm a just the best manager in the world "I try to defend myself.

"I always knew u had a thing for me y/n " kuroo says as he grabs his bag ,

"no thats not what I said , I said u guys are hotter when you play , and I dont like you guys in that way " you were obviously lying but you had to keep cool .

"Whatver u say y/n , but just know I'm only one floor away . If you need more help with any matter just call me anytime u like " he said with a wink .

"Shut up , besides I gotta go now to make you guys dinner , please dont be late to dinner again . There wont be any more food left " you say as you blush at bokuto remark . "Ur lucky I like being bossed around from time to time " kuroo said pushing a stand of my hair behind my ear and then I practically run out of the gym .

Third pov .

"Damn shes hot when she's shy " kuroo says . "Yea too bad she is into me more " bokuto says in kuroos face .

"What!! she never said that ? Did she ?"

"I actually thinks she likes tsukki " this was the first time akaashi opened his mouth about this topic . "What!?!? " the boys said at the same time .

"A few minutes ago she said that tsukki looked good without his glasses , so I'm guessing she likes tsukki more "

tsukki gets all shy and defensive and says . " she doesn't like me , today she told me how much she loves your hands , and some weird shit "

"What " akaashi says as he looks down at his hands . "Yea she told me that too , I think she has a hand fetish " kuroo said .

"Well whatever she told me she loves bokuto's cake , I didnt even know you baked cake " akaashi asks bokuto. "I dont bake cake , and I haven't even seen her eat cake . "

Kuroo starts laughing " you know cake mean ass, right ?"

Bokuto in shock now " she said I have a good ass , omg she does like me "

"What about kuroo? What did she tell you guys about him ?" Tsukki asks a little too eager . But the boys just look at each other .

"Relax , whatever she likes about me she has already told me face to face , she even called me her captain once "

"What , that's not fair ,I'm a captain too!!" bokuto sulked as kuroo stuck his tongue out .

They were laughing as akaashi's phone rang . He answered the call " ok ok we are coming , relax y/n !" He said as he quickly cut the line .

"You have y/n's number !?!?that's not fair , she said she would give it to me but she forgot . " bokuto said grabbing his shoes .

And the boys then made their way to their rooms to get ready for dinner .

_______

Idk what this is but I might add more to this .

@haikyuu-texts @teawithlemonacid @tsukkisuki @tsukki--daisuki @keiji-n @kotaro-kun @keisdumpling @kozumebabie @bokutos-eyebrows @bokuto @bokutokoutarou @bokutosbiceps @bokuotaku @akaashiisbae @akaashikeji @akaashiofficial @akaashikoutarou @akaashisstar

[halloowqueen]

Steff didn't even open his mouth to say anything at first, because he didn't know what it was he would even say, or attempt to. There had been cases in the past, though few and far between, where he had found himself at the end of someone's fist, but it never had before been a girl. He liked to pride himself on the fact that she would be smacked right back, if anyone of the opposite gender did go swinging for him, but he stilled and contemplated that for a moment. She was dainty, fragile and had tears in her eyes.

The male figured it best to just not even offer any verbal backlash either, but turning a little to walk away from the situation, he found her stepping right in front of him with a look on her face indicating she wasn't done yet. He bristled a little because he couldn't entertain scenarios like this and actually withstand it for long; he wasn't aggressive, in spite of his ability to cause such an emotion in the people around him.

“ —you apologise right now, ” Penny keps her gaze on him, eyes filled with fury as she had witnessed his complete lack of disrespect for the seemingly timid girl who walked down the street alongside where they stood some moments before.

“ I don't know if you noticed, but she's gone, ” he scoffed his response, agitated that it was being prolonged to such a degree and for no good reason given the other girl had since scurried off away from where they were hanging out outside Wendy's. They both had shakes and burgers, yet Steff seemed to make a comment on the girl's weight and her own bag of food, remarking that is was too large a portion.

“ She's right over there in the parking lot, Steff, go apologise, ” she wasn't going to let him get away with it that easy, especially as that was a very poor excuse to get out of it and he had probably never once in his life apologised to anyone for anything. She was very familiar with his bullshit attitude and how he thought he was holier than thou. It enraged her and she never once turned a blind eye to those suffering.

Steff might have befriended her over recent months as she was new to the school and she might appreciate the similarities between them, but that certainly wasn't one of them. Her blood was boiling the longer he stood there acting like nothing was wrong, no matter the look in her eyes telling him he was a piece of shit.

“ You go over there right now and tell her you're sorry and mean it, ” Penny is furious with his childlike behaviour and makes it very known, as she steps forward again and notices how he stumbles back ever so slightly. He probably thinks she's going to have another strike at him, but she isn't; she can't believe she did it the first time, but after too many failed attempts at watching the guy treat people like shit, she's done.

“ I'm not apologising for what's true, alright? She shouldn't have bought such a portion if she didn't want at least one of us to say something about it. Go home to your daddy, Penny, I'm done hanging with you for today, ” Steff grimaces in her direction and turns away from her then, wiping his cut lip against his thumb and grunting his displeasure of the way that's going to impact his overall look, at least for a few days.

Her eyes soon fill with tears at the corners and she blinks them away, inhaling deeply to try and smooth over the situation before she, herself, walks over to the other girl and offers a very gentle, apologetic smile. Eyes are still glazed over slightly with upset that her friend had caused, but she does her best to offer the girl kind words and even a friendly gesture of a hug to make up for the unbeliavable insult.

After a few words more and a clasp of the affected girls hand, she smiles and lets her know he won't be bothering her again. They all seemed to go to the same school, but Penny would be ever-watchful of who Steff interacted with in such a vile manner from now on because she was so hurt for the poor girl, so much so she even felt the sting of his words herself and that had sent her into such a volatile spin of emotions, hence the reason she had lashed out and actually punched him in the face.

“ You're a dick, ” she mutters in his direction as she passes him along the street as he had walked a fair distance from Wendy's by now, but in her hurry to get back home so the sky doesn't darken prior to her arrival, she walks at a fast enough pace to pass him by as she goes. Her heels click against the sidewalk in her haste before a hand yanks her right back and forces her frame against a nearby wall.

“ You're a bitch, don't see me complaining. You need a ride home? ” somehow, even in his complete asshole take on his surroundings, he still offers her security. He can see how reluctant she is to accept the invitation, too, but for a moment he says nothing.

Penny shrugs his arm out of her way and tries to continue walking down the street, as though she doesn't need his charity and can very easily find her own way home safely and without needing to dig around in her purse for the pepper spray her father always told her to keep on hand. She fumbles through it a little while longer as she walks in a less than straight line, frightened now and still riled from the incident before. Steff is hot on her heels though as she goes, snapping at her now as he tells her to get in the damn car, as its just a few more feet away from where they are at present.

“ Leave me alone, Steff. I can find my own way back.. I just.. need my spray, ” she's all kinds of frantic now as she picks up the pace a little more and surpasses his porsche, not even glancing up at it to consider the possibility of a ride from such a jerk but tears fill her eyes once again when she realises she clearly did not pack her pepper spray.

Steff is right on her heels again, neglecting his own car in favour of doing a little jog to catch up with the highly frazzled female who no more than ten minutes ago punched him and gave him a bloody lip. He manages to trap her between himself and the wall again before she can walk any further, clanking away in those white heels of hers and tearing up as she rummages through her purse looking worse for wear. He actually gives a shit and that's entirely new to him, so he takes a few fleeting seconds to process it.

“ You haven't got it, sweetheart, don't burden yourself. Just get in the car, alright? ” he seems to say this in a bit of a huff, challenging his usual motive of not giving a damn, which in actuality he should be more annoyed that he is given what she did to him, but somehow he turns a new leaf in that moment, even if it only lasts until she's home.

Penny lifts her gaze to look up at him, doe-eyes searching his for any sign or indication that he is going to give her a hard time just like that girl, but she doesn't see malice. An almost calm washes over her previous fear and panic, replacing her frustration with him as well for a time as she very slightly nods her head to approve. Steff doesn't move right away, though, keeping one of his arms outstretched with his hand on the wall right at her side. She isn't trapped by any means, but she doesn't move away.

“ What? You going to give me some bullshit too cause I'm upset? Honestly, I thought it might be a good thing to befriend you and see if I can impact your lifestyle, but I can't see that happening. You're just not willing to.. ” she's cut off very suddenly, her words swallowed in her throat and her eyes bugging so much she fears they will be removed from their sockets and she fights to catch a breath, but she can't.

Steff is kissing her, his lips cushioning the onslaught of insults she was going to spring on him before he put a stop to it and even he doesn't quite know why. A kiss wasn't the best method of shutting someone up, especially if they annoyed the absolute hell out of you, smacked you in the face, continued to harass you with their bitching and didn't accept the invitation you so kindly offered in making sure they got home in one piece, yet here they were. It crossed his mind to stop, so he did, but he took his time.

“ Get in the car, Penny, ” he simply says, inhaling much needed air as she did the same and simply blinked at him stupidly until he snapped his fingers in front of her and she jumped to life, almost tripping over her heels as she walked back to his car and he was in step right behind her to make sure she didn't take off yet again.

[mental-health-advice]

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[satansfavouritesons]

Be patient with me pt. 3

Pairing:Cedric Diggory x Sytherin Fem!Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: trigger: toxic parents & swearing

A/N: I hope this was a satisfying ending also request are open now. I'll post the list of people I write about later

part 1 , part 2

Did Cedric Diggory just snap at me? Was this real? I couldn't process what just happened, I mean of all people Cedric was the least to get frustrated with a person.

I was currently lying in my bad and getting this kind of stomachache, like I'm not sure how describe them but sometimes you feel so uneasy or you feel regret that you body decides to make the situation even worst for you. I sat up because I didn't want to risk throwing up in my bed because of this weird feeling inside of me. Honestly I can't tell if I'm angry at him or at my behaviour...well he said that we will have a conversation about that tomorrow so it would be wise for to lie down at least for a bit.

When I woke up I start to realise that I have no idea if I should confront him with our last encounter or wait until he is ready to talk about this. Obviously the stupid person I am, I decided to confront him first because I wasn't willing to wait for his Royal ass to find me... but something made me freeze when I saw him sitting at the Hufflepuff table. I couldn't bring myself to walk there and confront him but why? What was I afraid of? And since when am I this nervous around him.

Fuck it, I'll talk to him later and with that I settled down at the Slytherin table. That didn't mean that I didn't shot glances in his direction. Unfortunately I wasn't as cautious as normal so my friend Arthur caught me in the act. "Didn't think you were the type to daydream about a boy"

"I beg your pardon?!", I replied confused.

"Well I have some advice for you, love . Advice number 1. don't make it to obvious otherwise everyone at Hogwarts will find out that you are one of Diggory's fangirls and advice number 2. you better hurry up I heard he is still a virgi-"

before he could go on I needed to take more drastic measures so that's why I slightly hit him with my book.

"Will you shut up for Salazar's sake, I can't recall since when it's any of your business who I find intriguing ?!"

As much as I wanted to wipe Arthur's shit eating grin out of his face, I had other plans. I stood up and wanted to go to the Hufflepuff table but again hesitated which meant I sat back down again. That shit went on for 4 more times before Cedric looked at me. He kept his stare for what felt like an eternity but suddenly broke eye contact and went back to the conversation he had with his friends. What the actual fuck?! When is the right time to talk about it? I inhaled and tried to calm my nerves. I decided to leave the Great Hall and go to the library... I needed to return that book anyway.

Arriving at the library I headed straight to the History section to choose another book. I need to admit the last one was pretty boring. It had alot of details but it surely did focus on the progress of every event rather than the historical events on their own. I hope the next one will be-

"Y/N"

I knew exactly who called me and with that turned around, faced Cedric and waited for him to say something.

"I have Quidditch practice in 15 minutes so how about we talk about you know 'the situation' before Herbology class because I have a free period then?" Cedric eyes were hopefully searching for my answer.

"Yes sure".

Great now I need to wait another 3 hours ... I guess since I have some spare time now I could go and head back to my dorm room and sleep for awhile. I really could use some extra sleep. But of course my pathetic fate had other plans.

A letter was lying on my nightstand and as much as I can tell it's a non magical one. That only means trouble because I knew exactly from who this letter could be. I knew I had only had some spare time before meeting up with Cedric but I also knew that if I ignore this letter from my parents I will probably forget it completely which means I can bet my sweet ass that I will have a huge problem because I didn't write them back. So I decided to open the envelope...

My eyes teared up when I finished reading the letter.

'DISOWN' ?! How am I supposed to find a place to stay, a job and proceed with school at the same time? Couldn't they wait until I graduated?! And where... where am I supposed to stay when summer holidays start?I have only 3 more months to figure this out.

It didn't shock me in the slightest that my parents disowned me but it did shock me that they did it before graduation. I was so filling with anger that I didn't realise that I was crying. I went to the mirror and wiped my eyes dry before heading straight to my escape place which is near the Forbidden Forest on a rock because I feared my roommates may return from their classes and I couldn't bear that they see me in this state. The reason why this place is my escape place is because I haven't seen 1 person going here and except for my friends nobody knew that I went there. So I sat down on the cold stone and stared at the Forbidden Forrest.

I didn't even realise how much time has past but regardless of my promise to meet up with Cedric I remained where I was and gazed blankly into the void. So many thoughts crossed my mind right now. No matter if it's about how I'll survive during summer holidays since hogwarts sents all students home or if it's simply about since when my parents stopped caring about me.

I couldn't tell to be honest it seemed like their hatred was always present or at least that's the only memory I have of them. Nevertheless I couldn't possible have a conversation with Cedric in my state of mind. I probably couldn't concentrate on what he says and just ignore him while thinking about my current situation. I'm going to explain myself afterwards right now I need to clear my mind.

But honestly it still shocked me that people don't realise that a child won't fix a doomed relationship. I mean why did my parents decide to keep me anyway if the result would be traumatising and abandoning me. Some people just shouldn't have the right to become parents in the first place.

I wiped my eyes dry and tried to think rationally about my next steps. Maybe if I talked with Slughorn about my situation he would understand and have a word with Dumbledore if it would be possible for me to stay at hogwarts during summer. Slughorn seemed to be a trustworthy teacher so I think I could talk to him ... well so is McGonagall but I don't really have anything to do with her. She just seemed like a compassion, caring teacher but-

"Y/N?"

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck .

"I thought we meet up before Herbology? I've searched you everywhere and only when your friends told me the places I could possibly find you, I did" Cedric said frustrated.

"I'm sorry Cedric, I didn't feel in the condition to talk. I would have apologised afterwards " I replied but still keeping my eyes on the forrest not daring to look at him.

"Have you- you cried, didn't you? Your eyes are puffy and red... Y/N... if something is bothering you, you should have come to me immediately" Cedric said with a soft voice and placed his hand on my shoulder. My body shivered when he touched my shoulder.

"Sorry I- I didn't want to scare y-"

"It's okay Cedric, you didn't and I know I can rely on you but I-... I don't know...". I could see him frowning and biting his lip from the corner of my eyes.

"Do you want a hug?" Cedric asked hesitantly.

This really caught me of guard and I just looked down on the ground before nodding my head. He started of with an awkward side hug, not knowing if pulling me into a firm hug would be to much but I did exactly that. I swung my arms around his torso and buried my face in his neck and stated to unintentionally sob.

After awhile I calmed down and slowly pulled back because I thought if I kept hugging him I couldn't stop anymore. He was so soft and smelled like honey and chopped wood. It was really hypnotising but also calming.

"Remember when you told me that Slytherins tend to say 'I care about you' instead of 'I love you'? You know I'm not a Slytherin but- Merlin.... Look what I'm trying to say is that I care about you a lot and it hurts me knowing that you are holding on to many unsaid things which is eating you up inside everyday. And I was so stubborn to see that so that's why I got so frustrated with you. I thought you avoided me on purpose or something. I need to give credit to your friends for that because I didn't realise that by myself", Cedric confessed while whipping away my tears from my cheek.

I looked into his eyes and honestly I didn't know what took over me but I pecked Cedric lips for 2 milliseconds and pulled back with wide eyes. Slowly regret started to built up and I felt completely embarrassed. It took Cedric quite awhile to proceed what just happened but he quickly pulled me in another, longer and more passionate kiss.

When we pulled back he pulled me into his embrace and mumbled into my hair

" Please whenever you feel the need to talk to somebody about ANYTHING at all just tell me. I will always be here for you."

This time he hugged me like a fragile glass figure that could break if you hugged it to tight. But I simply hugged him like I never wanted to let him go which results him to tighten his hug.

"I do have something important to tell you but this can wait because I want to enjoy this moment", I replied.

"Whenever you are ready, darling. I'll be patient".

Tags:

@yourmagestyqueen @3rd-beatle @l0ttadreamz @black-dhalias

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake,  and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more.  But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go

[a5-theglue]

Tomorrow

An AU where Newt’s immune but Thomas isn’t. Requested by @newtytoot 

** In this - like the book - there was no cure (so Teresa didn’t give it to Thomas before the safe haven) I don’t know what that means for Brenda but she's not featured in this so.. Sorry B 💕  ** 

This could be triggering for some so be mindful x

Word Count: 1947

๑ ๑ ๑

Finally the run was over. The survivors find themselves breathing in the fresh air, surrounded by green grassy fields and beautiful sandy beaches with cliffs that overlook the ocean. Their safe haven, their new home. They had made it.

It’s late and most of the survivors were sharing stories around a fire at their camp, but Thomas wanders away from the group for a moment alone. He sits at the edge of a cliff that overlooks the ocean. The moon reflects onto the waters surface and twinkling stars blanket the sky. 

Thomas sits and thinks of all those he’s lost, Alby, Chuck, Winston, Teresa and he has a wave of guilt over the Gladers names that he didn’t learn before their demise. Thomas’s thoughts are interrupted by feet approaching in the dirt and light laughter. Then Thomas is looking at the two smiling faces of Newt and Minho as they sit by either side of him. Suddenly Thomas remembers why this was all worth it. Two of the people he cared most for in the world were happy, healthy and safe. That’s why he fought so hard to get here, to get them here. 

“You alright, Tommy?” Newt asks as he shifts into a comfy position beside Thomas, their shoulders brushing against one another as he does so. “You were acting a bit off at dinner, barely touched your food.” 

“And it was good food too.” Minho let’s out a comedic burp but the other two boys didn’t laugh along with him.

“Tommy?” Newt presses. 

“I’m just tired.” Thomas lets out a heavy sigh. 

Minho now shares Newt’s concern for their friend after picking up on Thomas’s odd behaviour like Newt had earlier at dinner. 

“I miss everyone too. I think about them all the time.” Minho says gently after he figures Thomas is grieving his losses. 

Newt nods slightly. “We lost a lot of friends on the road to here, that’s why we have to try and live for them now. Try and make their deaths count. It hurts but we have to.”

“You try and remember that.” Thomas says as he stares blankly at the ocean, it was more a thought spoken out loud rather than a statement directed to anyone in particular. 

“What do you mean?” Newt expresses his confusion. 

“Tomorrow.” Thomas tries to shrug it off. 

“Thomas.” Minho asserts his authority. “If this is more than losing our friends, you have to tell us. We’ve been through a lot together and we’ll go through a lot more, I’m sure of it. Let us shoulder whatever it is that’s got you so down? That’s what we’re here for.” 

Thomas lets out another sigh, this time he seems defeated. He drops his gaze to his lap and fiddles with the hem of his shirt sleeve as he speaks, “I didn’t notice anything until we set sail- Or maybe I did, but everything was so intense before, I didn’t have time to process it-” Thomas shakes his head as he tries to reign in his thoughts. “It started as an itch but no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't go away. Then I noticed this...” Thomas’s hand is shaky as he pushes up the sleeve of his shirt. A faint gasp escapes Minho as he spies the blackened veins running up Thomas’s arm. “It’s all over my chest and back and-” Thomas stops and pushes his sleeve back down, “I figure it won't be long now. Few days, a week maybe if I’m lucky.”

“Shit, Tommy.” Was all Newt could say as his face falls into a deepest frown. 

Minho - whom had been quiet other than his original gasp - seemed to be boiling with a newfound rage. “You got us out of the maze- Through the Scorch- You got me back from WCKD-” Minho shuts his eyes tightly for a moment as if he was trying to get a grip on his anger. “None of us would be here without you- This is so unfair! This is- This is-” Minho was worked up. 

“A steaming pile of klunk?” Thomas offers up with half a smile. 

“Don't joke, Tommy.” Newt’s frown remains. 

“It’s alright.” Thomas rests a hand on the blondes shoulder and he shares his gaze between his two closest friends. “I’m fine right now. Can we forget about it for a moment and deal with it tomorrow?”

“Unless you're talking about a bloody cure I don’t want to hear it, Tommy.” Newt scoffs. “We have to talk to Vince, he’s got that serum that helps the Flare-”

“It’s too late.” Thomas shakes his head. 

“The hell it is.” Minho snaps as he gets up to leave. Thomas reaches up and grabs at his wrist to stop him. 

“Can we wait until tomorrow?” Thomas asks again.

“Tommy, it’s better we do it as soon as possible.” Newt gives Thomas a sad look, he didn’t mean to look sympathetic it was just hard to hide his breaking heart. 

“Please, just sit here with me for a little while longer?” Thomas’s voice was so soft and innocent it was hard to believe that he’s sick with a sudden rage virus. 

Minho looks to Newt for some sort of guidance, the British boy gives him a single and sad nod. Newt seemed unsure of himself but Minho could understand to an extent, he sits himself back beside Thomas. 

Thomas lays down, surprising the others. Some small stones poked through his shirt but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. Eventually Newt and Minho follow Thomas’s lead and lay down too. The three of them lay shoulder to shoulder, an unnecessary closeness one could argue, but not one of the three boys were in a hurry to move.

“Do either of you remember any of the constellations?” Thomas asks softly as the stars reflect shiny specs in his eyes.

“I don’t know.” Newt crinkles his brows in thought and Minho mumbles something similar.

“I feel like I should know them but I’ve forgotten.” Thomas says. “Seems like a weird memory WCKD would steal.” 

“Maybe they just didn’t see any reason to teach them to us in the first place.” Newt turns his gaze towards Thomas for a moment even though Thomas’s eyes still pointed to the sky. “I don’t get the impression that WCKD let us do much star gazing before the maze.” Newt forces a laugh but it falls flat.

“You’re probably right.” Thomas’s tone had a sadness to it. 

“Screw WCKD and screw the old dead guys that named the stars before us.” Minho says and he could feel Newt’s frown without even having to look at him. “I mean all with due respect or whatever but screw em. I say we make up new names for the stars. After everything we’ve been through I think we deserve to rewrite some of history.” 

“Alright then.” Newt shuffles in place and has to clear his throat because the lump forming inside it was making it hard to speak. “You see that big star, the bright one right there?” Newt points up towards the sky, “We’ll call that one Chuck.” 

Thomas looks up towards it with a smile. He points to another star, “That one there the one that’s close to Chuck, that one will be Teresa.” 

Minho swallows hard and forces his smile and points to another star. “There’s one for Alby.” 

They go on to point out another for Winston.

“And you see those three bright ones that are kind of in a line?” Newt asks as he motions towards them like he was tracing a line connecting them with his finger. “That’s us.” 

“The Mighty Gladers.” Minho says with the faintest smile. 

Thomas smiles fondly at the grouping. Even if they were just silly words spoken into the air, Thomas found comfort in the thought that they could all be immortalised together. Then it fell silent for a moment, the three of them just kept looking towards the stars. Soon after, Thomas’s eyes begin to feel heavy, his breathing sounded heavy. 

“Tommy?” Newt rolls his head towards him with a look of concern, “Are you alright?” 

“I’m sorry.” Thomas whispers. 

“Thomas?” Minho sits up frantically and hovers over his friend. Newt rises too and also looks over Thomas. “I’m going to get the serum-” Minho says.

“No. I told you already, it’s too late.” Thomas groans, “I planned to be alone so you didn’t have to see,” Thomas’s fights to keep his eyes open. “But selfishly I’m glad you’re here.”

Newt grabs two tuffs full of Thomas’s shirt and yanks him up so he’s sitting. The brunettes eyes are glazing over, his body dropping with a heaviness. 

“Tommy, what the bloody hell did you do?” Newt asks with desperation in his eyes as he fights to hold Thomas’s heavy gaze. 

“It was in some of the medical supplies Vince gathered. I heard him say it was just incase they needed them.” Thomas could feel himself growing weaker by the second.

“What did you take, Tommy?” The blonde boy is frantic. 

Minho tries to wedge his fingers in Thomas’s mouth but he pushes them away. “That won't work.” Thomas slurs. “One pill, takes an hour or two but it doesn’t hurt, it’s just like falling asleep. It shouldn't be long now...”

“I’m going to get the serum.” Minho goes to stand again but Thomas uses all his might to hold onto his friend. 

“It’s not a cure, Minho.” Thomas says. 

“But it can help-”

“Maybe, but it’s too late for me.” Thomas coughs. “Use it to help someone else or try and find an actual cure but honestly I don’t really care. You two are safe, that’s all that matters to me.” 

Thomas was losing consciousness and Newt was struggling to hold his weight, Minho jumps in an assists with their friend. 

“Tommy...” Newt shakes his head and tears fill the brims of his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry,” Thomas says softly.

“Don’t apologise you dumb shank.” Minho lets out a heartbreaking sound that might have been a painful laugh. 

“I didn’t want you to have to see this.” Thomas mumbles. 

Now with Minho helping support Thomas’s weight, Newt is able to lift one hand and gently stroke Thomas’s cheek. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” his voice is shaky, “It’s like Minho said, we’ve been through a lot together, we’re here to shoulder the pain.” 

“I’m glad you’re both here,” Thomas’s voice fades to a whisper. “Thank you,” his breathing slows even more, “Thank you for being my friends. That's made everything worth it.”

Thomas gathers as much strength as he can to look up at the stars one last time, he could have sworn he saw his friends stars shine a little brighter, as if they were welcoming him or showing him the way. Then with a smile, Thomas takes his final breath. His body went limp in his friends arms. Minho lays Thomas back down on the ground and gets to his feet and lets out an angry roar. 

“Minho,” Newt’s voice cracks. The Asian boy turns to his friend, Newt’s cheeks were soaked with tears. 

“This isn’t fair. Not Thomas. Thomas deserved-” Minho says shaking his head. He had to be angry because if he wasn’t, he might just cry. 

“I know.” Newt’s voice was so quiet Minho almost didn’t hear him. Newt hangs his head forward and sobs into Thomas’s shirt. Minho drops to his knees and lets his head and shoulders slump forward.

They both knew they were going to have to carry around great losses for the rest of their lives, it’s just that neither of them ever thought they’d have to do it without Thomas. 

[jacobeblack]

New Girl (Jacob Black love story)

Paul?! Prt-3

Jacob's PoV

"Hey Em sorry were late! Quil promised Claire he would go visit her as soon as he was done with patro..." Heading into the kitchen to apologise to Emily before we got our usual lecture I trailed off mid sentence at I made eye contact with a girl I've never seen before.

She had the most beautiful hazel green eyes I've ever seen it was like they were pulling me closer to her, suddenly it was like my whole world shifted around me and she became it's centre. Nothing else mattered to me in that moment but the girl standing opposite me. Her hair pulled away from her beautiful face, her mouth slightly agape as she stared back at me. What was her name? Why was she here? Not that that mattered to me so much. SHE was here standing I front of ME, the reason I was put on this planet. My entire reason for being what I am. My imprint!

The thought suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, she's my imprint! it's her. My mind swirled with so many emotions: surprise, happiness, relief and somewhere deeper sadness.

I felt my feet carrying me to her before my brain had caught up, it was like an impulse to be close to her. Emily's gasp and the sound of a pan hitting the floor caused me to break eye contact with her as the rest of the guys rushed into the room.

Looking at each of them I knew they had realised what had just happened. Giving them all a knowing look and pleading eyes to say nothing I drew my attention back the the girl. She had made her was over to Emily and was helping her pick up the mess she had made.

Setting everything back on the counter and turning back to face us all she stood awkwardly beside Emily, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands playing with the cuffs. I took this time to run my eyes down the rest of her body noticing her small frame, long legs despite appearing to be an average height and obviously much smaller then me. Her oversized clothing prevented me from seeing much else -which I was disappointed by- so I trailed my eyes back to her face. Noticing again her big beautiful eyes -that I'm sure I will be dreaming about- surrounded by thick dark lashes, her cute nose and full lips that made me clench my jaw and have to take a slow breath.

She looked more than a little uncomfortable and I wanted to do nothing more that to run to her side and make her feel better. Seeing as I was probably one of, if not the main reason she looked like a deer caught in headlights at this moment I kept my feet planted on the ground much to the imprints disapproval.

I was more than a little shocked that it was Paul who came to her rescue. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into his side he gave me a smug look that made me want to rip his arm off and beat him to death with it.

"Guys this is Ren, Ren this is Quil, Embry and Jacob"

Paul spoke gesturing between us all. Ren? That had to be short for something. Don't get me wrong it's beautiful like everything else about her but it was bugging me slightly not knowing her actual name. From my right I heard Quil speak.

"Ren? What kind of name is Ren? Not being rude but it's kinda...weird" Snapping my head round to tell him to shut the hell up! I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say a word she spoke with the most mesmerising voice I've ever hear.

"Maybe in future you should keep thoughts like that to yourself! Umm Quil? Right? Somehow I don't think you of all people should be questioning anyone's name" She sent him a glare that was obviously joking before her face softened to a smile as the rest of us laughed at the now seriously embarrassed Quil.

Sam came to stand beside Emily reaching over her head to mess Rens hair.

"See quick! I told you she'd fit in just fine" He laughed giving Paul a wink as she pushed his hand from her head.

How long had she been here to gain that kind of playfulness with Sam of all people.

A feeling of jealousy turned in my stomach as I watched Paul tickle her causing her to squirm further into his side. It was nowhere near as strong as the second wave I got when he tried to detach himself from her to leave and she quickly grabbed onto his arm. Gazing up to him with a look of horror as he tried to leave her. He laughed at her pulling his arm out of her grasp

"Don't worry princess, these three idiots are harmless, although they might annoy you to death, but that is something not even your knight in shining armour wants to stick around to save you from" He squeezed her shoulder before turning to leave the room Jared in tow, Sam and Emily close behind.

Glaring at him all the way I turned back to my imprint, she had turned her back to us and was cutting up lemons, muttering under her breath. "cazzo! ricordami di nuovo perché mi sono fidato di lui per portarmi qui?"

Obviously she had no idea that we could hear her thanks to the heighten wolf hearing, not that it mattered as it clearly wasn't English. Knowing she speaks a different language only made her more fascinating to me, finally giving into the wolf inside me who was screaming at me to know everything about her I finally opened my mouth.

"So umm Ren, what brings you down here? We don't get many visitors outside of the pa.. um group?" I managed to stutter out.

I've never been so nervous to talk to someone in my life, but I guess I've never spoken to someone so important in my life before, and of course I had to make myself sound like a complete idiot, way to go Jake!

Putting down the knife she turned around looking between all three of us but giving me no eye contact. Maybe she felt it too! The pull, the feeling in the pit of my stomach? It's not something I've ever actually asked.

I mean it's not like I could ask Claire she's two, Kim was already obsessed with Jared before he imprinted on her so she probably wouldn't even know the difference and I try to stay out of the whole Sam/Emily imprint fiasco as much as I possibly can so I've never asked her. If she did feel it will that make this whole imprinting thing any easier?

"Umm I guess Paul invited me..kinda" She answered sending us what seemed to be a nervous smile rather than a genuine one.

Paul? How did he know her? She couldn't be a new girl he's stringing along because one: he'd never bring one of them here and if he did Sam would not be so happy about it.

Two: if she was some new girl it had to be very very new. I was patrolling with him yesterday I would have heard him think about her or worse picture her like I had see with may other girls he's had flings with.

Thirdly she just can't be with Paul it's against the rules for a start -not that he would have known because I only imprinted on her like five minutes ago but that's besides the point- but I don't think I could handle her being with someone else but especially not one of my pack brothers!

Embry must have sensed my panic even without wolf telepathy and stepped in before I could say something else that would probably be stupid.

"And how do you know Paul exactly? He's not usually one for making friends" He smirked as he sat on the counter next to her.

She sighed pulling at her sleeves again clearly something she did when she was uncomfortable.

"He... saved me I suppose" She laughed nervously, a whole new kind of panic took over my brain and I found myself walking closer to her my eyes scanning her body for injury.

"Saved you? From what? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?" I rambled coming to stand directly in front of her.

Placing my hand on her arm but suppressed the urge that was coarsening through my veins to pull her into my chest just by being this close to her. Her laugh broke me out of my panic but only replaced it with confusion.

"Whoa big guy! I'm fine I'm not hurt, I got myself lost in the woods. I only just moved here and stupidly though I could roam around on my own, luckily Paul found me before I was eaten by wild animals and brought me back here!" She laughed pushing my hand off her arm and taking a step around me to the fridge.

Going in and grabbing the pitcher of lemonade, I took a few steps back as she came to stand at the counter once again.

"You really shouldn't be going into the woods by yourself Ren it's dangerous even if you do know your way around" I said trying to hold back the sterness of my voice.

I don't want her to think I was telling her what to do but the protective side of the imprint was not happy with the thought of her wandering on her own, not when leeches are around anyway!

"Yeah don't worry about that! It was not a fun experience and I don't plan on repeating it any time soon. But umm thanks for the concern Jacob" She turned and smiled at me

"It's Jake, all my friends call me Jake" She looked up at me though her long lashes a smirk playing on her lips

"Oh yeah? Well who said we were friends"

————————————————————-

About an hour later we had all eaten dinner and I was in the kitchen washing up. Not something I usually volunteer for but I needed five minutes to myself to think about what had just happened it was all a lot to take in, and of course I didn't want Ren to think I just sit around and let Emily do all the work.

I was lost in my own train of thought when I heard her voice break through.

"Well I don't mean to be rude but I should really be getting home my mom will probably be going out of her mind and Max will be missing me" She said politely as I could her her chair scrape across the wooden floor.

Who is Max is he her boyfriend,her dad maybe? But why would she call him Max? Maybe it's her brother? Ugh this is all giving me a headache

"Jacob? I'm leaving but it was nice to meet you! I'll maybe see you around sometime" Or all the time! I thought as I turned to her.

An idea came to me and I walked over to the door way she was standing in.

"I'll take you home if you want, can't have you getting lost again" i suggested staring  down into her beautiful eyes

A few seconds passed before she opened her mouth to speak, unfortunately I never got to hear what she had to say as Paul interrupted

"No need Cinderella! I already said I'd take her. Was actually the main bargaining point to get her to come back with me in the first place! Come on princess we don't have all day" He took her by the hand and dragged her to the front door as I stayed in the door way and watched.

She made her way down the steps and he followed her but not before turning to send me a wink.

The jealousy from earlier returned not only because he thinks it's okay to call MY imprint pet names in front of me just to piss me off! But he clearly thinks he has some kind of bond on her just because he's known her a whole hour longer than I have and I don't know if I'm okay with her feeling the same.

Something tells me this ain't gonna be as easy as it's supposed to be.

*A/N The part that's in a different language is Italian, unfortunately I don't speak Italian so it has been translated from English so if any of you do speak Italian and it's wrong I'm sorry! It's supposed to say

"Dick! Remind me again why I trusted him to bring me here?"

Please let me know what you think guys!

[byakugaanprincess]

Text

After receiving the good morning text Ved was a little bubbly but he knew he shouldn’t be. The previous evening was a bit overwhelming and he felt something that he thought he wasn’t capable of. So he tried his best to calm down but he regretted not taking taara in his arms and kiss her like she deserved to. Alas, he realized if he felt something doesn’t means she felt something too so he buried the most beautiful first meeting into deep his heart with a promise of never bringing it up.

After receiving the good morning text Ved was a little bubbly but he knew he shouldn’t be. The previous evening was a bit overwhelming and he felt something that he thought he wasn’t capable of. So he tried his best to calm down but he regretted not taking taara in his arms and kiss her like she deserved to. Alas, he realized if he felt something doesn’t means she felt something too so he buried the most beautiful first meeting into deep his heart with a promise of never bringing it up.

Texting

Then came the conversations, two people talking every chance they get. Two people sharing their woes and worries with each other. Ved still felt that spark of amazement every time, but he had decided to bury it. He was spiralling into taara’s soulful heart more and more. Every talk every word was bringing Ved closer to a place where he couldn’t imagine anything without Taara. Every song reminded him of that perfect smile and the insignificantly little time they had spent together that evening.

Jealousy

There isn’t anything like a tight slap to the face to bring an idiot back to his senses. And something very similar happened when taara and her ex spent a night together and he realized that he can lose her forever. They will still be friends but if she truly finds love with someone what right does he have to stop her. He felt weird and uncomfortable but there was no possible solution. Still the destiny wanted something else and he was thankful that they weren’t getting back together.

Tears

In one of their late night conversations Ved being a dick he is said something untowards and realized very late that it had hurt her. The realization that he made her shed tears dawned on him like a flurry of emotions. He felt choked up, how could he do something like that? He wanted nothing more than to make her happy nothing more than to see her smile, then why was he the reason for her tears? He tried his best to apologise but he knew some things once said could never be taken back.

After taara went to bed he stayed up wondering what was that? Why did he do something stupid to the one person he cares about the most? Was this the reason that he decided to bury the feelings? Was this the actual reason for him being so afraid to come to terms with how he felt?

A whole night spent wondering but he wasn’t anywhere close to the answer. And by next morning Ved was back to work. Taara being taara had forgiven him but Ved was still struck onto that.

Months

In this fashion the lovely couple spent couple of months talking to each other, love, hate, family, school, college everything was talked about. It was strangely fulfilling but Ved wanted more. He wasn’t sure as to what he wanted but he was sure that it involved everything with Taara. Without even realizing it, his whole world had started to revolve around her. Her being happy made Ved dance with joy and even the smallest of frowns on her face made his life tumbling downward into a spiral.

Life doesn’t always goes as to what you want to. Ved again being a dick messed up but thinking about it now it turned out good. He kissed another girl (there is nothing good about it) despite him being wanted to take it to next step he felt guilty and gross at himself. He pushed her away and left. Right after that he texted Taara and was left dumbfounded at her reply she was Happy for him. He tried explaining the whole situation and was further confused, was there really nothing here. Was it all a palace on cloud? The thought of that was horrifying so Ved stopped thinking about it.

Night

I LOVE YOU

The same night again on the phone this was brought up, Ved was still not ready to believe that there wasn’t anything between them. But again he could not force these things. Again they went on with their lives and keeping each other constant. The budding friendship they shared had already blossomed into a flower.

It was one other such night when both of them were talking late, both a bit sleepy. As soon as they were about to sleep wishing each other good night Taara said something which would cause Ved to have a lot of sleepless nights. She whispered under her breath “ I love you” Ved was left breathless he instantly said I love you too. Which was a bit too quick to be honest and both of them went to bed after that. Ved who had almost thought of his lifetime with Taara, suddenly felt cold water washing down on his face.

He realized that he had thought too much this I love you was platonic. Taara wants you as her friend and he shouldn’t make it difficult for both of them by making her talk about it. The good thing about it was this became a ritual and both of them would always say this before going to bed and waking up. Ved was happy that Taara loved him although not the same way he would like but still there was more to it than he thought. So, he was happy.

BABY

With the days going by Ved was trying his best to come to terms with the fact that this was going to be it. Things cant go the way he wants them to be so he should be happy. But alas one more incident was there to make it even better for Ved. Taara was going through some stuff at her work and she was upset so much that she was on the brink of shedding tears. Taara texted Ved to tell him about the recent situation at work, realizing that Taara was clearly going through some stuff Ved tried his best to calm her down(clearly not his strong suite). After a while she was calm (not because of ved) and they both decided to talk about at night.

At the night they again discussed it and Ved tried his best to make Taara feel comfortable. He realized that she did cry that evening at her workplace, Ved felt that similar gut-wrenching pain and he felt like something close to him was being ripped apart they spent the night talking and Ved went to bed peacefully thinking Taara has come to terms with it.

Next afternoon Ved texted Taara about something and Taara out of nowhere asked,“ Are you alright?” On further asking about it Taara told that Ved had called her baby a couple of times in the past days. From the office scenario to even now, just two texts back Ved clearly saw the baby text and he was lost for words. He said the first excuse that came to mind. Taara took it easily, which made him breathe a sigh of relief and also irritated him. Why is she not pressing harder? Why isn’t she saying it’s a lie? This pent up frustration caught his mind and he went quite thinking about it and they both went to bed. Albeit with different mindsets or similar.

Prank

Ved and Taara they were getting by, but Ved had no idea what was about to hit him. It was early morning Ved and Taara were talking throughout the night. And Taara sprang out with a straight face saying I love you, Ved knew there was a pretty good chance it was a prank(she was prone to them)He knew there were only two ways it would go down first being he is being pranked and if he says I love you, he will look like a complete fool. On the off chance he also says I love you and tell it off as a prank later she would immediately know the truth and if she didnt have feelings for him, Ved would be done for. Laying your heart bare to someone who doesnt know about your feelings is scary.

And as luck would have it Taara was playing a prank. Ved felt a burst of emotions from sadness, helpless to blank. He again drifted off to what if this wasnt a prank? what if this was true? and what if both of them said I LOVE YOU? Only if, there wasnt so many what ifs?

MONTHS

In this fashion months passed and Ved had totally come to terms with everything. He had now believed that no matter what they wont be able to get together. Ved and Taara were best friends, if not love then this was the best for them. Time spent together talking and discussing was the best. He still longed for everything with Taara the nights were the best talking to each other discussing stuff and life in general. Finally he had a chance to see her, a chance he was craving from past nine months.

Meeting

That day he was traveling listening to music he was excited that finally he can see Taara give her a fulfilling hug, hold her tight. He reached her place in another few minutes she will be here. Ved has no idea as to how he should stand to look cool. Whether or not he was dressed properly he was travel weary, looking haggard meeting anyone like that was a strict no by human standards. He had planned to buy new clothes first look presentable then visit her but being apart for this long how could he control himself. He had rushed over. Just now he realized how dorky he looked no haircut no trimming no proper clothes way to make an impression. While in his thoughts he had realized she is in sight she is wearing a blue top which gives a slight glimpse of her shoulder. She avoided Ved’s gaze which made her look even prettier.

Ved gave her a long hug which might have been longer if not for a stupid security guy pointing his nose in places he doesn’t belong. Taara brought Ved back to her place it was a bit awkward because Ved wanted nothing more than to just settle her down and stare at her, look at her while she does her own stuff, and slowly kiss her. They both had dinner while talking as usual and Ved continuously stared at her. If not for her room mate present he would have hugged her again. That hug wasn’t enough he wanted to hold hands he wanted Taara to sit even closer. All said and done they both decided to watch a movie because the tension was high. Ved for the first time had an inkling of idea that his feelings were not just his. Taara felt sleepy and they both decided to sleep. Taara finally meekly snuggled up to Ved and they both tried to sleep. Ved knew that this was going to be a long night being this close to the women you love and still not being able to kiss her was a crime. He was hearing her breathe it was a bit erratic some breath were longer than the other. Ved himself couldn’t calm down he wanted to push her closer bring her closer to his lips but he couldn’t just take the risk of ruining their friendship.

That long night was the one where both of them didn’t sleep. Ved was sweating all over and couldn’t help but think way to be cool Ved. Finally the night ended and they were up. Taara asked Ved,“ how did you sleep? You are not used to sleeping like this I hope it was alright.” Ved replied he slept peacefully and further apologised because he had made her uncomfortable (sweating). Her roommate left for work and they both were in the living room on the sofa. Ved had his hand around her waist his head resting against her shoulder. They we’re talking about random stuff and Ved had kissed her on the cheek not once or twice slowly the conversation died down. And both of them were on the sofa, the sound of that breathing was something he could never forget their heads were inching closer with every breath. Ved was wishing for her not to speak because the courage he had gathered would slip away if she did. The gap was closing from nose and cheek to nose and chin, from nose and chin to nose and upper lip finally the lips touched who initiated first is still a foggy memory. Ved and Taara had their lips locked and they kissed slowly savoring the feeling it felt right it felt like this was supposed to be Ved put his hands on her waist pinching it still he couldn’t stop. He wanted this for so long the kiss with Taara was worth him dying a couple hundred times. That moment for the first time in life Ved knew he was happy truly happy there wasn’t a cloud of judgement, worry or anything in his mind he couldn’t help but stop and look at the woman he had between his arms. He grabbed her hand and took her back to bed. His mind wasn’t working straight he wanted to kiss her but he also wanted to look at her smiling face. Yes that smiling face, that face he couldn’t get enough of, face he was ready to die looking at. With this they said goodbyes with the promise of seeing each other again that very night.