#it took about 6 hours to go away which is like fantastic in my books lmao

[unexpectedbrickattack]

I hope you're feeling better from earlier!

You are so sweet; i am feeling WAY better actually!!

[burstingwithbellies]

Through a ritual, your womb becomes a magnet. Nearby fetuses are drawn inside, and memories rewritten; those were always your babies, so far as everyone else is concerned. You cannot control it either, no matter how many or how far along they are, if they enter a certain range, you'll bloat with additional passengers. The question is now, what do you do with this power? What happens to you that is outside of your control? How fast will you become?~

I had fun with it at first. I did have my very own superpower after all. Not a super conventional one; it wasn’t really practical but it was mine.

It made me feel powerful. Each step I took, I rewrote history. My womb sucked in all the children within my 2-foot radius. My skin and womb was elastic and super strong, capable of storing as many as possible.

And I was prepared to have my belly written down in the books. 5 weren’t enough for, 6 weren’t enough, 7 babies were pitiful. I wanted above 2 digits and wanted to be world-famous for my size.

I quickly reached my goal. At first, it was a headache finding a preggo until I realized that clinics exist. In just one stop, I swelled with 14 babies under a minute. Everyone in the room lost their bumps.

Also, with my power, no one really registers my growth spurts. As I grew, as far as they knew, what happened was that this colossal pregnant person in ill-fitted clothes stepped into their clinic. The parents who lost their bellies got their memories replaced with the thought of them only being in the clinc to find out their chances of fertility.

Everyone was blown away by the bump and amount inside of me. The nurses of the clinic quickly rushed me to the nearest doctor. Clearly, I wasn’t the type of person they were used to.

My womb took in children, no matter how big or small they were. Babies that were just about ready where mixed with a few weeks old babies. With the spell placed over my body, the smaller babies are able to catch up with the older ones but that usually takes a while.

So, I’m constantly swelling. But I can tell the difference between a growing baby or a new one added. A new baby was always jarring. It shook my whole system, letting me know intensely. My belly quivers in a way that makes me register that this baby is foreign.

I was content with the 14 I was gestating. They were all I needed at that point. I planned on delivering them after I’m picked up by the news.

One day, it happened: I had to appear for an interview on live television -- because of my fantastic fertility -- but before that, I needed to get some scans of my occupants.

They wanted photos of just how many babies there were. They need the proof. And it would have been nearly said and done, but one downside to my power is that… I don’t exactly have control over how many I can take in.

If I’m in the proximity of any pregnant person, their babies are as good as mine — whether I want them or not.

An hour away from the clinic and I felt a new one drop in. People under 20 weeks were so annoying. It’s hard to tell if they were pregnant and they would make me accidentally take in their child.

When I arrived and walked into th building, an 3 extra got absorbed, which was no biggie. 17 babies is still an amazing headline and manageable for me.

But the further I walked inside… For some reason, I didn’t anticipate all the pregnant people there.

I swelled like crazy. Before I could sit in the waiting room, I collapsed to the floor due to the overwhelming increase in my gut. Everyone looked at me in horror and questioned how I even managed to fit inside the building.

I… I don't know how much I was carrying anymore. Could I even go into my doctor's office and check? The weight was too overwhelming. It was starting to crush me and I felt faint.

It felt like several earthquakes were going on inside of me. I was trembling all over. Before everything went back, I saw my own flesh starting to cloud my version.

I feel like I might make international headlines now.

[hellfire--cult]

Baring Teeth {Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader} - Ch. 2

Picture for Banner: pitifulbaby

Chapters: Masterlist (Go here to see list of chapters.)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers, Non-Traditional Omegaverse, Slow burn, Modern!AU

Warnings: Ab*se, Violence, Mental Health, Cursing, Smut (mild), treat it as a normal Enemies 2 Lovers book, but the A/B/O dynamic will appear at some point.

Crossposted on: Wattpad & AO3

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Chapter 2

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to go…” Your mother protested, tears running down her face as she looked at how you were stuffing your suitcases. You sniffled, the tears running down your face, even after two months had gone by, after everything turned upside down in your life, in your perfectly organized life.

“I have to– I can’t– I can’t stay here. I can’t stay with these memories Ma. I can’t.” You sobbed as you put one of your shirts in your suitcase, followed by a stuffed bunny plushie from your childhood. You didn’t want to leave, you really didn’t, but what choice did you have? It is a small town, everyone knows everything about everyone, and you cannot stand being here another day longer.

“I know, I know, it was hard darling…” Your mother said as she sniffled again, covering her mouth to swallow her sobs and you simply shook your head in disbelief as you closed the suitcase.

“Hard doesn’t even begin to describe it… It doesn’t even compare.” You sat on the bed, your hands over your face to sob into them. The despair you felt inside, the loneliness of it all was ripping you from inside out. You were happy, two months ago, and now you cannot wait to move on, do a restart in your mind and body, forget about everything else, forget about Atlanta and the people in it.

Your mother, your sweet mother, sat next to you, putting a hand on your back, soothing you, or trying to. Your head found her shoulder easily, sobbing there as she held you close to her.

“We’ll always be here if you need us… We’re a call away, and some hours of driving. You don’t have to be afraid of anything my dove.” She caressed your head, gently, her own sobs filling the room, going in the same beat as yours.

—————————————————

You opened your eyes with a gasp, your breathing slightly heavy, as if panting and you felt moisture in your cheeks. You raised your hand up to rub onto your flesh, noticing you had cried in your sleep. Great. Fantastic.

It’s been a year, yet those memories keep coming into your mind. Memories that altered your way of living all together. Memories that hurt you in the deepest of your heart and soul, to the point that your way of being and your way of socializing changed thanks to them.

You got up from your queen sized bed, walking towards the bathroom that was right next to the bedroom. You have a nice, warm and cozy apartment, with one bedroom, a bathroom, and a living room, a kitchen in a separate room. Your job paid well, gladly, so you couldn’t complain about where you were living right now. You missed a house, of course, but at least you were alone with your thoughts here.

Although you didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

You woke up before your alarm, noticing the sun coming up just now, so you took the chance to shower yourself, humming under the water to some Ed Sheeran. You grew to like him actually, which you didn’t before, not at all. When you first heard his music you found it cheesy, almost too corny for your taste.

Yet here you were, jamming to it months later.

You walked out of your long shower, wearing only your lilac robe around your body. You walked towards your living room, turning the tv on to see the news and figure what time it is.

6:20 AM.

Yep, too early. You looked at the small headline below the forecast one.

Female Betas protest over single motherhood and gay rights.

You sighed at it. You still don’t know why people say Beta nowadays. It’s just male and female, maybe something in between or someone who identifies as nothing at all, but there’s no need for the word Beta anymore. The last Alpha ever heard of was in 1932, and last Omega, 1940.

You wondered how a Female Alpha looked like. It sounds weird, but that’s what it was, a secondary gender. So apart from having a vagina, replacing the clitoris you would have found– You squirmed at the thought. Male Omegas had it the same. You remembered the anatomy book you found in a restricted section at the library of your school, and it showed the anatomy of the Male Omega. His sack was gone, and right below his penis, the slit would form, like a vagina.

You squirmed again. It sounds too surreal. Too much like a fictional book, but it did happen in real life, and it’s weird to even think it did. But, so many things happened in the world that are hard to believe, such as wars, starvation, communism, and so much more. Guess that part of life isn’t so weird if you think about it if you compare it to WWII.

Now, the title of the headline did get your attention. You sign too many contracts to do the fertility treatment, but sadly one of laws commands that it is illegal to start treatment without a spouse or a partner that will undergo the same treatment with you. There are so many single women that want kids without the need to get impregnated by a partner. There is adoption of course, but they think that by making the baby have two parents, the likelihood of it getting abandoned is lower, so adoption always takes a long while, even years.

And also, same sex couples cannot undergo the fertility treatment, because that would mean they would have to be inseminated or have a surrogate. You just thought it was simple homophobia at this point. The child would have two loving parents nonetheless.

You scoffed at the TV, turning it off, heading towards your room to get ready for the day. It’s Tuesday now, and you were wishing that it was the weekend already.

————————————————

“Okay, so maybe put the skirts of Balenciaga on Pages 23 to 25, so that it can jump right into the dresses.” You explained as you started putting the pictures and paragraphs over the lit up table below you, making it look like a page. You examined it once and nodded, liking the overall look of it, and turned to Robin, who was absent minded with her phone. “Robin, are you even listening to me?”

“Oh, shit, yeah sorry.” She put the phone away and looked at the work below her and nodded, grabbing a photo and switching it up with the one below. “There, if you put the green skirt at the top the page will look droopy since the red skirt is at the bottom.” You looked down at the work and nodded.

“Yeah. That does look better.” You looked at her as she started assigning the dress pictures for the next pages. “What’s got you so distracted, Buckley?” You asked with a smile to your face, knowing who she might have been talking to. She blushed immediately and turned to look at you.

“Am I too obvious?” She asked you and you finally let out a giggle, nodding, looking down to start arranging the paragraphs and pictures for the next pages. The magazines were solely for designers and famous people. This wasn’t out for the general public, because the public magazine is arranged by another team entirely. This is basically the catalog for rich people.

“Oh Robin, yes. You are a blushing mess when you look at your phone… I’m guessing Vickie is coming to visit?” You asked her with a wiggle of eyebrows and she nodded, biting her bottom lip.

“Yes, yes she is…” You smiled at your friend, happy for her really. Even if the girl that was coming over was just a friend, Robin has been crushing on her since high school or something. She always tells you that she will confess, that this time will be the one, but she never does. Hopefully your friend gets the courage she needs and goes for it. You have met Vickie, and everytime she’s over because of family business, she visits Robin, so you kind of know that there’s more than just a simple friendship there.

“She better leave town not single Buckley.” You smirk at her, making her throw a ball of paper at your head, a laugh escaping your lips at her flushness. You take out your own cell phone this time, Robin leaning over to look at your screen and groaning loudly when she sees you open up your Instagram chat with Jason Carver.

“You have to be shitting me.” She says out loud, making you look at her with a groan.

“It’s just a dick! It’s been a while…” You excuse yourself slightly and look down at your screen. “Plus, he looks buffed, and cute.” You say with a smile as you look at the time for your date. Friday at 7 PM. He is in town because one of his buddies has a birthday party in Indianapolis, so he was in the city for the week.

“If I even begin to tell you what he has done at school…” You rolled your eyes as you looked back up at Robin.

“That’s the past, this is the present. And the present tells me he is hot, he is built, and he looks like he can make me have a good time!”

“You’re going to regret it though.” Robin responded with a smirk and you squinted at her.

“You’re starting to sound like Munson.” She gave a throaty laugh at you and shook her head.

“For once, I agree with him, it’ll be a disappointment.”

“I bet he won’t.”

———————————————

It was.

It definitely was.

You were walking towards your car after going back to the motel room he got for the week, and you shifted in your legs for the orgasm you could not reach, because the fucker only knew how to shuffle your clit like an amateur dj.

And you cursed to the sky when he pulled his pants down and… Munson was right. He was small, not like a thumb, but smaller than the average. You faked most of your moans, faked an orgasm for the whole action of 7 minutes.

He was a nice dude, nothing like the bully they mentioned, but he was lacking so much in the physical department. Now, you would have to fake a smile, act like you had your shit rocked as you drove towards Robin and Steve’s shared small one story home. You weren’t going to grace them with letting them know they were right. When Robin has been telling you all week how bad that date was gonna go. Steve, Nancy and Argyle backing her up.

Eddie was the worst of them.

You looked at yourself in the rearview mirror, and reapplied your gloss. Your make up was almost untouched because well… That’s really how bad the sex was. You parked, stepping out of the car to walk towards the front door, and you shook yourself first trying to act the least shaken from what transpired tonight, and try to look somewhat satisfied.

You could already hear laughter on the other side, and you knew the door was unlocked for you to step in, so, taking a deep breath in, you opened the door, walking into the living room to see everyone sitting down on the couches and chairs while drinking away, including now, Vickie. They all looked up to see you enter, and you smiled at Robin as she whistled away at your arrival.

“So, how was the dick Dudette?” Argyle smiled as you sat down on the couch, grabbing a beer from the coffee table, opening it to take a sip from it.

“It was nice. You all didn’t give him enough credit, jesus.” You lied with a smirk towards Robin, who rolled her eyes at you. You heard a scoff from your right side, from a person who was sitting on the floor as they rolled up a joint. “Anything to say Munson? I mean, I at least am getting some.”

“Jason Carver is not someone to brag about. Trust us on that.” He licked onto the paper of the joint to seal it closed, and his eyes landed on you. You raised your eyebrows at him, completely unamused and he snorted as if he remembered a joke in his head, making everyone look at him.

“What’s so funny?” Steve asks as he takes a sip of his whiskey while he sat next to Robin.

“Ah, nothing. Just… Bullshit.” He licked the inside of his bottom lip as he looked at you one more time. That sent a shiver down your spine. What is wrong with him?

“Whatever.” You grabbed the pack of cigarettes that were on the coffee table, probably Steve’s, taking one stick out, and the lighter. You grabbed onto your can of beer as well, getting up from the couch to go to the small yard outside in order to smoke. You were feeling watched right now, and not by any of your friends. They couldn’t care less if it went well or not with Jason, because they just didn’t like him at all.

And the shiver followed you all the way outside, as Eddie Munson came out of the house as well, already lighting the joint as he stood next to you. You scrunched up your nose at the smell. You weren’t a person that liked weed that much, because the few times you did try it, you ended up on a bad trip.

“Can you at least move away a bit?” You immediately started, feeling the smoke hit you right in the face as you tried to smoke onto your own cancer stick. He chuckled and didn’t move from his place.

“So… Is it already time for me to say, I told you so?” He suddenly says, making your head snap at him as your heart starts to increase its pace in nerves.

“Told me what, Munson?”

“That it was going to be a disappointment. Which it was, obviously.” You shook your head, taking another drag of your cigarette as you looked at him, now slightly angered. He wasn’t going to sour your mood, not when it was already on the floor thanks to the lack of orgasm in the night.

“Why would I say something like that? I had a good time–”

“Yeah, okay, did you cum?”

“Excuse me?!” You exclaimed, now pissed off and also growing a glowing red on the face because he could see through you, once again. It was just embarrassing to know that he saw through you right after you had sex.

“By your way of acting, I am guessing a flat out No.” He said with a snicker in his lips as he took a hit of his joint.

“I don’t think it’s any of your business what I do intimately or what they do to me for that matter.” You say with venom in your throat and he finally looks at you, a sly smirk in the corner of his lips, and once more, you wanted to burn his face with the first flammable thing you could find.

“I will say it now Sweetheart, so you can save your bullshit story.” He leaned over, close to your face and you were stuck on the ground. You could smell his cologne, followed by something like bonfire, or just a wooden scent. Your eyes were locked in his, as he got closer, but you weren’t going to lose to him. You weren’t going to step back and show fear. No. He noticed, making him smirk again and finally spoke into your face, the hint of weed hitting your nostrils. “I. Told. You. So.”

Your nose flared up in anger, and that was it. His taunting. His insults. His ways of riling you up whenever he had a chance. You were sick. Sick of it. Sick that he could read you like an open book. Sick that he knew what was going on with you without even asking. Sick that he knew how bad you were getting right now, and all he was doing was smiling even wider.

So that was it.

You stepped back, putting the can in front of you and in his face, and all you did was squeeze, hard, and out of nowhere.

His face got drenched, in one second. His arms wide on his sides so it wouldn’t get on his clothes, and he stepped back as well as he spat the beer that got in his mouth. He then wiped his face with the hand that wasn’t holding the joint and glared, as his breath was going through his teeth, as if snarling at you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You stood your ground as he took a step closer to you, and you shook your head at him, throwing your cigarette to the floor.

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU?! Who the fuck do you think you are, claiming to know about me, or what I think, or what I go through?!” He rolled his eyes as he wiped his face with his sleeve now, throwing the ruined joint to the ground.

“Jesus, you should really go and get off sweetheart, maybe your mood will lighten up if you do.” He snapped back at you, which only angered you even more, turning red all over. He didn’t need to remind you how miserable your night was. Not him.

“Maybe you should mind your own goddamn business for once.” You snapped back and you were ready to jump into his jugular, you just didn’t care anymore. If killing Munson was going to be the end of your career and life, then so be it. You’ll take the risk.

But he was saved when Robin rushed out with Steve, drinks in hand and looking completely wide eyed at the both of you.

“What the fuck is going on–” Robin started, and it was just too quick. It happened so fast you didn’t catch it at first. It was quick how Eddie grabbed onto Robin’s drink, a glass full of rum and coke, and the next second you know it, you are drenched, and the fucking drink even got in your eyes, making you wince in pain and stepping back, holding your face.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MUNSON!” You yelled as the burning didn’t stop in your eyes, but the burning in your chest was so much bigger. It was so much, so much build up going on. So many failed dates. So many failed hook ups. So much failure. And he is constantly reminding you of them.

“Eddie, get the fuck out.” Steve looked at Eddie, who simply rolled his eyes as he still wiped his face from the beer of before and as he was about to answer to Steve, to tell him you had started it all, he tumbled to the ground, a huge weight straddling his chest, compressing on his lungs, almost knocking the air out of him, until he looked up to see your blood shot, red eyes. Be it from the incoming tears, from the burning of the alcohol, from the pure fury you were feeling at the moment, nobody knew, not even yourself.

But as you raised your hands to start slamming them, anywhere you could on his face, or chest, or just anywhere, as you sat on his chest after you tackled him, he was quick to grab your wrists as you both thrashed on the ground. It was childish, snapping like this, but you were just so fed up. And you hated him. You hated him. You fucking hated him.

“Holy shit!” You heard Robin calling out your name, but it was just a buzz, feeling your shoulders being grabbed onto, trying to pull you away but you were just seeing red. Complete red.

“Get the fuck off me!” He yelled, and you could feel a rumble underneath your chest, but you didn’t pay it any mind, you were just being controlled by so many pent up feelings, so many emotions you didn’t know you were even holding, and he cracked your shell open, in two seconds. Your name was now called by someone else, probably Steve.

“What the fuck happened in the two seconds you both came outside?!” He asked as you tried to break free from Eddie’s hold, to land a punch, anything at all, but he sat already pissed off at your aggression, coming face to face with you. His breath was flaring through his nose as the grip in your wrists tightened, his neck a red hue now. You knew he was controlling himself to not do anything to you, and as you were about to spit in his face, you were being pulled away by Robin and Vickie, holding you back.

Jonathan and Steve were getting Eddie up from the floor and he looked at you, venom and resentment in his eyes, and you felt a cold sweat run through your body as you finally talked again, praying your voice didn’t break at all.

“Stay the fuck away from my business Munson! You think you know everything about everyone, but you know jack shit!” At this he fake laughed and his serious tone came afterwards.

“Just because I call you out in your bullshit, doesn’t mean I am interested in any of it. Be fucking sincere for once, because maybe, just maybe darling, that might be the reason your dates fucking fail.” And you froze in place, no longer struggling, the pit in your stomach becoming bigger and bigger at each word he spat out. You felt as a coldness filled your whole body, your brain slowly shutting down, and you didn’t think it could get worse.

“Eddie!” Robin called him out.

But he didn’t stop.

“Have you ever thought that maybe, probably, POSSIBLY, you are the problem?”

Eddie, in most of his life, never regretted his words. He always says what he thinks, without a beat, without really thinking of how the other would feel about it. Nobody cared how he felt in his life, whenever people threw words at him, or what he heard people say about him, so he learnt to simply not care about them either. He said what he thought, whenever he wanted, however he wanted.. He always took pride in the coldness he created, in the acting of being nonchalant to his own words.

But as he saw your brows twitch, your features fall, and he could even see when your eyes moved to a distant place, as if you were no longer with them… He regretted them. He deeply regretted them.

You were just standing there, not really focusing on anyone, not even to the person that said those words that haunt you even in your sweetest dreams. Because, what he said, what he just thought of you, was something you thought about constantly.

What if it was all your fault?

You could hear your name being called, slowly pulling you back to earth, and that’s when you realized you weren’t breathing. You gasped when you came back, looking at Robin who had a shocked look on her face as she held your hand. She was about to ask you something, probably if you were okay, but you simply let go of her and Vickie’s hands, and walked inside the house, calmly.

You didn’t even say goodbye to Argyle, who was waiting on the couch, calling you out, asking if you were alright, but you kept going, towards the front door. You didn’t want to stay there a minute longer. You couldn’t process your thoughts properly, because you could feel it. The vomit. The vile. The knot in the stomach from the pain and the betrayal you suffered.

You had these episodes before, but it happened whenever you got a reminder on a social media app, or if your mother without noticing said something to you about it. You simply shut down, like a machine, your feelings becoming numb, and all you need is some time alone, watch a comfort show, or movie.

You could feel your phone buzzing, but you didn’t care. Not even as you finally reached your apartment complex, not even when you crossed the front door of your house, not even when you took a glass of water, not even before taking a shower.

Only after it, you managed to pull up your messages, and answer to Robin, despite the rest of the gang, except for a particular person, sending you messages as well. Robin might be the only one you could say you trusted enough to let her know you were safe. So you did. You answered to her and simply wrote:

‘I’m home.’

And then, you went to sleep.

—————————————————————

End of chapter 2

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A/N: Please, comment if you desire to be put in the taglist ❤️

taglist: @enam3l

[missmyloko]

Getting To Know Me - Part 8

On The Third Day of Fun I present... the continuation to the last piece! Sorry if it feels like a bit of a Debbie Downer subject, but I'm really passionate about the subject and wanted to use my platform to get it all out so that others feel like they aren't alone. Continued from Part 1 I still attended school throughout all of this. However, it was around this time that just having drop in appointments with a psychiatrist like, once every 6 months at my doctor's office was going to fly anymore, so I was referred to a psychiatrist at our hospital's outpatient clinic who could look after my medication full time. The wait time at that time was 14 months, and I waited. Thankfully, it was worth it in the end. I had someone who could balance my medications, figure out why I went through them so quickly, and I could see them as often as I needed. On average I was running through an entire course of a medication (ie: from its lowest to its highest dose) in about a year, and that's unusually high. Well, it turns out I wasn't hyper-metabolizing them, but rather hypo-metabolizing them; My medication, once ingested, wasn't done running its course through my body before I took the next dose, so I was actually (unknowingly) over medicating myself. To combat this I now take my major medications every 36 hours so that they have time to work through my body and stop the over medicating (low dose medications that act as augmenters are taken every day though). It was during university that I had my first major depressive episode (that I medically knew of, I probably had them before but just didn't know), which is a time where my depression is just kicking my ass beyond normal reasoning and, because of this, I actually ended up flunking a few of my courses. I had to petition the dean to drop the courses from my record to due health reasons, which was accompanied by a letter and documentation from my psychiatrist stating what was going on and that it wasn't my fault. I ended up having 2 of them during my 6 years of university, so I had to petition twice. While in school I did receive special accommodations from the student wellness center regarding exams and assignments and such, which is a fantastic resource that anyone with mental health issues should take advantage of at their schools, and that definitely helped make life easier during those trying times (heck, it helped even when I was feeling decent). Near the end of my university tenure my psychiatrist and I actually managed to find a medication that really worked for me. I was feeling great, my symptoms were under control, and I was feeling like myself for the first time in a long time. However, it was another medication that no one told me right away would cause weight gain and, since we had now figured out how to make medications last, I was on it for a few years. I only ended up going off the medication 4 years ago, but by that time I had ballooned to over 200lbs (I believe I was around 230ish). Unlike the last time, the weight didn't come off as I had developed thyroid issues (they sadly run in my family on both sides), so I was now a depressed again, overweight wad who had gone past the point of being able to do what I loved: wear kimono. It's ironic that I was in the process of publishing a book about something I could no longer wear, but that's life for you. However, not everything ends badly (heck, there's positives, or else I wouldn't be here telling this tale!). Within the last year I finally have a concrete date set for my book to come out (June 28th, 2024!), I've lost exactly 49lbs since going on Ozempic (and diet changes) and can wear kimono again (yay!), and I'm working with my psychiatrist, who is awesome by the way, on changing my medications to make them work for me by understanding exactly what they do and their side effects beforehand. So, hopefully my tale has opened up some feelings inside of you to know that you're not in this alone, it happens to everyone, it does suck, but it does get better.

[boi-muppet]

I'm alive...

When we last left our gender-bending muppet they were heading into the city to meet up with a human for coffee. I can report that I am both alive and well -but also managed to get kissed...but not by that human. The medium breakdown. Saturday: Met for coffee with Dr.Duck (he just finished his Ph.D. on ducklings) and had a specific museum entry time which gave a great excuse to leave if needed. The excuse was not needed and we had a great time chatting. I would say from their body language that Dr. Duck was into the situation and confirmed verbally and with a well-timed text sent today asking about the rest of my weekend. Dr. Duck is ENM and also admits to social anxiety so that will be a slow burn if anything comes of it. At the very least he will be a good new friend to talk about wildlife and science.

The rest of the day was delightful as I took myself on a fantastic date in the city. Nothing beats my company

Sunday: I woke up in a lazy mood and was reading in bed when I responded to another human I had been chatting with (let's call him The Musician as he seems to be very into music and those types of things). I was debating going to a plant store in the city for a new friend and offered him along. We spent 6 hours together on about 4 blocks of space looking at plants, books, a vintage mall place, eating Thai food and then having a drink in a forest-themed bar. Full confirmation that The Musician is shy but also likes touching as we played that teenage game of 'accidentally' making physical contact with hands and then not moving them until they go numb (him...not me..I would have moved that shit). After being asked politely if he could, I got the most gentle of goodnight kisses almost like he was scared of breaking me or something. My cynical brain laughed at the whole situation and ran away. I think we are going to see a concert on Saturday.

So here I am on a Monday - with a new plant friend (Gwynevere), the memory of being kissed for the first time in almost 7 months, and a possible date for Saturday.

Will report back soon.

[fenimores-book-nook]

My Thoughts ~ 10/23/23

Gooooooood evening, well, evening for me. It is 6:55 PM where I'm at. The other day I wrote up a draft that ended up being Halloween costume themed but I decided not to post it. I don't know why you need to know that information but I feel like it's valid. This post however, is just a little writing thang that I feel like working on right now. :) Who knows what I'll write about in this one, but let's find out.

Now that I have my cozy Christmas jazz on, we're ready to get going. Yes, I said Christmas jazz. I've been feeling very much in a Christmas mood lately. Which is interesting because last year I wasn't, not even really on Christmas Day. But I'm happy about the early Christmas feels this year because I normally love, love, LOVE Christmas. I don't think I've ever not loved Christmas. I think I maybe didn't feel the feelings I thought I would feel and it made me sad. Which is just a part of growing up and getting older, I've found. My feelings and ideas about the holidays are different now than what they were when I was a kid. And that is okay. It just takes some adjusting. ;)

And now, enjoy three holiday photos from last Christmas and a Christmas that was from when I was in eighth grade.

One of my favorite things to do is put on a fireplace with Christmas music playing while decorating our tree. :)

I always love the book-coffee shop I work at during Christmastime. It's always one of the most jolly places to be.

I wanted to include an older photo and when I came across this one, it made my heart happy. :) Here's one of my best friends and I with my pet rabbit I used to have. (his name was Phil)

I think now it's time to move away from the early holiday cheer, don't worry, there'll be more. ;)

Today, I spent the day with my sister, who lives about 45 minutes away from me. I had spent the night at her and her husband's place last night when we watched the TV show, Friends, one of our all-time favorite shows. I honestly do not know how many times I've seen it. I've watched it. A lot. It's one of my favorite comfort shows! After a couple episodes, we watched 10 Things I Hate About You, which I hadn't watched all the way through until last night. I loooove it. It'll probably be one of my comfort movies when I'm in the mood to watch a good chick-flick. After that, we watched A Christmas Kiss. Also one of our favorites, although, in my opinion, the second Christmas Kiss is better. (that one, we watched a bit of today) And finally, the last film of the night waaaaaaaas, drum-roll PLEASE!!...Red, White, and Royal Blue. Which I had read before, FELL IN LOVE WITH IT, and watched it when it came out on Amazon Prime. And now, my sister loves it too. ;) It's SUCH a good rom-com. Yes, I do think the book was better BUT, they still did a fantastic job at the movie. I had forgotten how much I love it.

That was last night, where we also made some Christmas themed bracelets. (yes, my sister is a Christmas fanatic just like me, maybe even more of one)

A Christmas Kiss on in the back. ;)

Today, both my sister and brother in-law had work so I hung out at their apartment, went to a cozy coffee shop, shopped at Spirit Halloween and Dollar Tree a little bit, and then returned to their apartment. A bit later, I left again to go to my sister's work, she's a 3rd grade teacher, so I hung out with her and the kids for a bit. Normally, I am not a kid person. But 3rd graders aren't too bad. Now, I'm not saying I want to be a teacher (nononononono) but maybe I don't dislike being around kids as much as I thought. ;)

Tonight, I'm spending the night in, writing this. I did have a community choir practice going on, but bestie..when I tell you I didn't feel up for it, I didn't feel up for it. Once I came home from my sister's, I took a much needed hour long nap (went to bed at 2 AM) and woke up extremely groggy and didn't snap more awake until, maybe two or three paragraphs into writing this. What better way to spend a night than to stay in, put on soothing jazz music, and write? That sounds pretty wonderfully magical to me.

My cozy night in. ;)

And that was my many thoughts and events of my day today!

Until the next one,

Thalia <3

[3monthsineurope]

November 6, 2022

Saturday Lauren, Eli, and I were going into San Francisco! San Francisco is my favorite big city in the US! We woke up pretty early, around 7. We had a full day in San Francisco planned! Lauren made us some fantastic oatmeal with some really yummy toppings, and we had some coffee while getting ready. It wasn’t going to be a super hot day, so we actually bundled up, since San Francisco is usually pretty windy.

Our first stop outside of Sunnyvale was Palo Alto, where they wanted to show me a a local coffee chain they like, Blue Bottle Coffee. It was in an old style movie theater, which was fun! Eli suggested a drink called their “iced New Orleans coffee”. It was tasty! I also got a blondie and it was sooooo good! We sat outside and had our treats, then got back in the car and headed into San Francisco.

We had booked tickets and entry into an exhibit that they were really interested in—Ramses the Great, at the de Young Museum. We arrived on time, and it was a beautiful, sunny day! The museum area was really nice, with a huge Ferris wheel. We spent about two hours working our way through the exhibit. I didn’t really know much about Ramses, the great Pharaoh. We saw a ton of artifacts from the time period and read a lot about Ramses.

After the museum, we decided it was time for lunch. We walked a bit, away from the museum and park area, and eventually went to a crepe place. I usually do sweet crepes, but since it was for lunch, I did a ham and Swiss crepe with a salad and sweet potato fries. I also had a flight of different flavored mimosas, which was fun! We sat outside and had a lovely lunch.

After lunch we walked around a bit, then got back in the car and headed Amoeba Records. Eli was hoping to find something for their collection. They had Taylor Swift’s new album, Midnights, in all four special editions! I didn’t buy any, because I already had three copies at home and decided I didn’t need the fourth, hahah. Lauren and I did a photo booth session (I love those!), then all of us left for the Golden Gate Bridge.

Eli hadn’t been to the Golden Gate Bridge yet! Of course, he had seen it, but not been on it yet! We parked the car nearby, and spent some time walking around the Bridge and taking photos, then walking onto the Bridge! It was a bit windy but not too bad! We saw some seals or sea lions in the Bay below, and lots of sail boats and even surfers on the coast. We saw the beginning of the sunset, then we headed back to the car, and Eli drove us back to Sunnyvale. We had some leftovers at home, watched some Moon Knight and also a true crime show on Netflix, and called it a night. I took a shower and we relaxed with music on their record player. What a fun day out exploring my favorite city with some great friends! :]

[queenshelby]

Just Friends - Cillian Murphy Imagine

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: SMUT

Words: 5034

Foreword:

I have never written anything for an actual person. For my own comfort, I will not be referring to Cillian’s actual family and, instead, I have created two small biographies for the Reader and Cillian.

Biography:

The Reader:

The Reader is 24 years old and recently moved to Dublin with her 5 year old son, Max in order to take up a fantastic job offer.

Max’s father isn’t interested in a relationship with his son and separated from the Reader pretty much as soon as she found out that she was pregnant. 

The Reader is a novelist and editor for the Irish Times. 

The Reader’s interests include books, listening to records, theatre and attending live music gigs. 

The Reader has a close relationship with her grandmother who is 65 years old and a writer herself. She also lives in Dublin with her second husband, who is originally from Galway.

 Cillian: 

Cillian is 42 years old in this story. He is divorced from his wife Siobhan and has two kids, Charlie (6) and Hendricks (8).

He lives in a town house in Dublin and shares custody.

In this story, he finished filming Season 4 of Peaky Blinders about three months ago, which is when the Reader first met him.

---------------------------

JUST FRIENDS

Three and a half months ago you moved to Dublin to take a position as editor at the Irish Times. Initially, the move was daunting to you as you were a single mother and moving your son to a different preschool concerned you.

Fortunately, your grandmother was living in Dublin as well and offered to help you with looking after your son, Max. She was a retired novelist herself and you always had a close relationship with her. Having her around was a blessing.

Over the years, you also met some Irish writers and established good relationships with them. Therefore, finding friends in Dublin was not an issue.

One of your best friends was a play writer from London and was working in Ireland at the time, promoting her theatre play called ‘Blessings’. She introduced you to a bunch of people, most of which were working in the entertainment industry in some way or another.

Whilst all of your new found friends were a fair bit older than you, you related to them. You had interests in common and most of them had children, just like you. They understood that sometimes plans had to be cancelled and flexibility was limited. Having children is a commitment which many of your younger friends didn’t understand. You weren’t interested in late nights because a young child meant early mornings. For this reason, you would much rather attend a dinner and board game night as a opposed to a night club.

And this is how you met a very interesting man named Cillian. Three months ago, your friend Orla invited you to a board game night with a couple of her friends. Cillian was pretty much the only other single person in attendance and, since this was a board game that had to be played in teams of two, you and Cillian were paired up with him.

He was funny and smart and very attractive. You had a good time that night and even won the game with your combined knowledge of random trivial facts.

He was a fun person to be around and you had several common interests.

Over the next few months, you spent a fair bit of time together, mostly with other friends but sometimes alone when your friends were doing things as couples with their partners.

Just recently, you went record shopping together and the weekend before last you and another friend of yours would take all of your kids to Dublin Zoo for the day. Your son Max developed a great friendship with Cillian’s youngest son Charlie. Playdates were a common occurrence.

While both of you separately explored the dating world, you really enjoyed Cillian’s company as a friend and he enjoyed yours and you would often chat about the mishaps you encountered and laugh about them. Dates gone wrong was one of your favourite topics.

The last relationship Cillian had was with a co-worker, which was far from ideal. They’ve met on set of one of his movies about a year after he divorced from his wife, but things didn’t go as planned and the relationship didn’t last. It ended about four months ago, being just one month before you met.

The last relationship you had was over a year ago and it also didn’t last as your boyfriend couldn’t deal with the fact that you were a single mum and that your son always came first.

For Valentines Day this year, your friends set up dates for each of you. It was disastrous. Neither of you were interested in committing at this point and you both were rather flustered about your friends’ efforts after you both had told them not to bother.

You were happy singles.

Theatre Night

As happy singles, you decided to go and see your friend’s new play ‘Blessings’ with some of your other friends on the night you all managed to be child free for once. It took a while to organise but was worth the effort.

‘Hi Max, how was preschool?’ Cillian asked as he opened the door to your townhouse for Cillian while you were in the bathroom, putting up your hair.

Max met Cillian numerous times and got along with him very well. After all, Cillian had a son the same age as Max.

‘Good. Do you want me to show you what I made?’ Max asked while you waived at Cillian from the bathroom.

‘Absolutely, show me’ Cillian said with a smile as he followed Max into the living room.

‘Look’ Max said as he held up two paintings.

‘Wow, is that a T-Rex?’ Cillian asked, causing Max to nod with excitement.

‘That’s very cool…he looks super scary’ Cillian added just as there was another knock on the door.

It was your grandmother who was here to pick up Max for his sleepover at her house.

You opened the door and asked Max to get his bag from the living room which you had packed for him earlier.

‘Nan, this is my friend Cillian’ you said as you introduced Cillian to your grandmother.

‘Hello Cillian, I am Margot. I loved Grief is a Thing with Feathers. It was such an intense play’ she said, knowing right away who he was despite the fact that you had never mentioned him to her before.

‘Thank you Margot and I loved By The Sea, it was a fantastic book’ Cillian responded. He read the book after you told him about your grandmother. Your writing style was very similar to hers and he always loved a good book.

‘Oh thank you very much. Now Max, are you ready?’ your grandmother asked.

Max was ready and you said goodbye, giving him a big hug and thanking your grandmother for looking after him for the night.

While Cillian waited in the living room, you finished your make up and slipped on your shoes.

‘Thank you for picking me up. I really have no idea where this place is’ you said as you grabbed your bag and the two of you were heading out of the door.

‘Any time Y/N, it isn’t far from here actually’ Cillian said.

As you were walking to the Arthouse Theatre you talked about all sorts of things, music, childcare and books.

It was a cold night in Dublin and you were probably underdressed for the occasion.

At the Arthouse Theatre you met up with another two friends of yours. They were both married, to each other, and shared three children. Luckily for them, they had a baby sitter that night.

The play was amazing and you all enjoyed it with a few glasses of wine which were served at the theatre. Cillian had good taste when it came to wine and you usually sought his guidance on what to order.

After you left the theatre, you felt awfully hungry. You hadn’t eaten dinner that night.

‘I am starving, is anyone else up for Pizza?’ you asked your three friends, including Cillian

‘We would love to, but only have a baby sitter until 9pm, sorry’ Amanda said, explaining that she and her husband had to head home fairly soon.

‘What about you Cilly?’ you asked.

‘I would love some Pizza, let’s go to Pizzinis’ he said.

Both you and Cillian said goodbye to your friends and made your way to Pizzinis.

As usual, it was packed and there were no table available.

‘Wanna grab them take away and go back to my place? I’ve got wine and you can show me this new album you were talking about earlier’ you said.

‘Sounds good, let’s do that’ Cillian said before ordering two pizzas.

More than Friends

You arrived at your apartment about 30 minutes later and Cillian put on some music. He found this new Irish band he liked and you were really keen to hear them.

‘Hmm Indie…I like it’ you said as he connected his i-phone to your speakers.

‘Wine?’ you asked as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the shelf.

‘Yes please and thanks’ Cillian said as he put the pizzas on the table.

‘I was meant to ask you, how was your Valentine’s date?’ Cillian asked before taking the first bite of the pizza.

‘Oh god, don’t remind me on it please’ you said with a laugh.

‘That good ey? What happened?’ Cillian laughed.

‘He was weird. He basically left after I told him about Max’ you responded.

‘I think that sometimes guys your age might be a bit freaked out by the fact that you have child. I can’t say that I blame them. I couldn’t imagine myself becoming a step father when I was in my 20s’ Cillian said.

‘He was 32’ you responded.

‘Well maybe he was just weird and you are just unlucky when it comes to dating’ Cillian laughed.

‘Yeah, maybe…I am just over dating’ you said…’What about your date?’ you asked.

‘Pretty average. I mean she was nice but had no sense of humour’ Cillian said.

‘Oh what, wait…she didn’t laugh at your Irish jokes?’ you laughed.

‘Outrageous I know. I mean how could she not?’ Cillian joked.

‘Here is to failed dates’ you said as you held up your wine glass for a toast.

‘To failed dates’ Cillian responded with smile.

Over the next hour or so, Cillian and you finished both pizzas and talked about books, including the book you were currently writing, music and embarrassing things your kids had done.

Quite music was playing in the background by then while you talked and laughed together until Cillian brought up a specific book he had read recently, written by a writer named J A Hanson, which he said reminded him on you in a way.

‘I have read all of her books and I really wish I could write romance as well as her’ you said.

‘Her books aren’t exactly romantic’ Cillian responded.

‘Her storylines aren’t romantic, but the character she uses in all of her books involves herself romantically with several other characters throughout the series. The way she writes makes you relate to the character even in these intimate moments’ you explained.

‘She is 60 and probably speaking from experience. I have read in a paper a few months back that she had quite an interesting and adventurous youth in the 70s and 80s’ Cillian said.

‘Free Love…Yeah, I have read this too’ you laughed. ‘Perhaps I just need some inspiration to get over my block, otherwise I will never finish this damn novel’ you said as you poured yourself some more wine.

‘You don’t have to answer this, but when was the last time that…?’ Cillian asked and, before he could finish his question, you interrupted him.

‘That I had sex? Gosh…well over a year ago’ you responded, causing Cillian’s chin to drop.

‘Over a year? Seriously? I mean, surely, a woman like you would get plenty of offers…’ Cillian said, not knowing what else to tell you.

‘A woman like me? What do you mean by that Cilly?’ you asked with a slight giggle.

‘Well, you are attractive, smart and funny. You would get a fair bit of interest’ Cillian responded.

‘So, you think I am attractive?’ you asked with a smirk, causing Cillian to choke slightly on his wine. He regretted what he had said almost instantly, causing awkwardness between you.

‘Well yeah, I think you are an attractive woman’ Cillian said quietly. ‘In a totally objective way of course’ he added, while, just in this moment, you observed his facial expressions.

You observed him drop his eyes to your lips as he said it, and then lower to the place where your shirt opens at the collar, the buttons undone to below your collarbone.

He pressed his lips together. ‘I think I should probably get go…’ he said, and, before he could finish his sentence, you leaned in and kissed him suddenly, like the peck you give a boy you like on the school bus the second before you jump up and get off – a brief bravery without a plan.

He was caught by surprise.

‘Y/N’ he said and, before he could say something else, you apologised to him for what just happened.

‘I am sorry Cilly, I don’t know what just came over me’ you said.

‘It’s alright, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was inappropriate’ Cillian said.

But, with Cillian’s response, you couldn’t leave it alone and asked ‘So, you don’t think that I am attractive?’ you asked, giggling slightly with some embarrassment.

‘Any man who thinks that you aren’t attractive is clearly blind. But, with that being said, it doesn’t matter what I think, you are 18 years younger than me and it would be wrong for us to take this further. Despite, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship’ Cillian said calmly.

You didn’t know what to say to his comment and, instead of using any words, you ran your hand gently over the side of his perfect face while biting your lip.

‘Just one kiss between friends then, we can blame the red wine after’ you whispered as a comfortable hot feeling washed over you. You felt some sort of attraction towards Cillian since the moment you met him, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself, let alone to him.

‘I don’t know Y/N’ Cillian said as you leaned closer towards him and pressed your lips onto his. You knew he was reluctant but he didn’t push you away.

To the contrary, as you kissed him, his hand came up in a rush to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. Within seconds, his tongue slipped between your lips, whispering over your teeth and began dancing with your tongue.

You noticed the brush of his stubble on your cheek, the press of his lips on yours and the way his mouth tasted, a mix of minty gum and red wine.

It shouldn’t have been so hot, but it was. The taste of him, the smell and flavour, and it made you whimper in your throat. You knew this was one off and you didn’t want this moment to end.

‘Are you ok?’ he asked after he pulled back a little and paused. He was scanning your eyes and there was a cautious considering from his side. You could tell that he was surprised about what had just happened.

‘Yeah, you?’ you said as you couldn’t help yourself but stare into his baby blue eyes.

‘Yes’ he said as he cleared his throat slightly.

There was an awkward silence in the room and you couldn’t stand it.

You build up all of your courage again and leaned over him, pressing your lips onto his once more.

Cillian didn’t hesitate then.

His tongue slipped right back into the same spot than before, before his lips then moved over your face and down to your neck, leaving gentle bites and kisses.

Cillian’s hands were busy touching you at the same time his lips were trailing over your neck.

One of his hands was in your hair at the back of your head while his other hand was moving down to press the small of your back so that your body was pulled forward into his.

As you were exchanging passionate kisses, you could feel the shape of him, the firmness of his body against yours, your legs pressing into his and his chest pressing into your breasts. You could also feel his erection through his jeans, hard as anything, rigid and warm against your tummy.

By this time, you wanted more than just kisses.

‘Sleep with me, just that once’ you whispered.

‘I can’t Y/N, you are 24, it is not right’ Cillian said pulling away from you.

‘It’s just sex Cilly, I am old enough for that’ you laughed.

‘Yes, but I don’t want this to ruin our friendship’ Cillian said.

‘It won’t. There are no strings attached, it’s just sex. Unless you don’t want me’ you responded. ‘Although I think you do’ you giggled as you ran your hand over his pants, feeling his erection.

Your comment made Cillian chuckle.

‘This is a one off, alright?’ Cillian asked, causing you to nod.

‘One off…and it stays our little secret’ you said before smashing your lips back onto his for another minute or two.

After you exchanged more passionate kisses you stood up.

‘Common, I show you my bedroom’ you said cheekily, taking his hand and guiding him towards the bed.

‘Can you help me with this please’ you asked, turning around to face the bed. Your back was now facing Cillian and you pulled your hair aside so that he can open the zipper of your dress.

Cillian unzipped your dress carefully, exposing your black lace underwear.

As you pushed your dress down onto the floor, Cillian began kissing your back and neck, while running his hands over your breasts and stomach, all the way down in between your legs.

You let out a brief moan before turning around to face him and help him pull his t-shirt over his head, exposing his perfectly shaped biceps.

Looking into his eyes, your hand glided gracefully, for once, past Cillian’s belt buckle and into the holy crevice of his Calvin Klein briefs. His cock was hard and ready.

You moved it between my your slowly, relishing his obvious eagerness.

You used the other hand to unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans, shortly after which he pushed them down to the floor while your other hand never left his warm and hard cock.

After the jeans came off, Cillian pressed his lips back onto yours while using his skilled hands to unclip the back of your bra. The bra also landed on the floor within seconds.

‘Lie down’ he whispered into your ear. You obliged and crawled onto the bed, facing him.

He loomed over you, climbing on to the bed as you scooted backwards further so that he could straddle your hips while you pushed up against him, wanting the rub and friction against you.

Cillian kissed you passionately as one of his hands moved in between your legs.

He could feel your body tensing up as he ran his fingers over the top of your panties

After all, he knew that it had been a while since you’ve been with anyone. He knew to take it slow and give you some reassurance.

‘Just relax’ he whispered into your ear with his thick Irish accent as he edged his fingers over the lace of your panties, his hand leisurely rubbing up and down the length of your squirming crotch, until he pulled your underwear aside and slipped two fingers inside of you.

You could feel your mouth widen and a loud moan escaped you as he teased the full mound of your clit. The stroke of his thumb was purposeful and steady on your firm, dripping pulse while his fingers plunged in and out of you, sinking further and further.

You held onto him tightly as the slipperiness he found made it easy for him to penetrate you with his fingers. You were so wet.

You shuddered at the pattern, shocked to find it could still stun you, unlocking newfound levels of moisture and desire, even when you began to meet the repetition of his thrusts. You naturally tilted and buckled beneath him.

As he was pushing his fingers in and out of you, he trailed kisses down your neck while your hands clutched at his shoulders, scratched down his back, held him tighter to you as I screamed into his skin.

Cillian’s breath grew more desperate and rugged.

‘It seems like we should take these off’ he said, causing you to nod with anticipation.

‘Don’t move’ Cillian ordered as he lowered himself on the bed while removing your lace undies.

Within seconds, Cillian’s lips were an inch away from your crotch, where he painted your inner thigh with tiny and soft kisses.

Cillian pushed your legs apart gently and you knew what would be next. You have read about this many times but this was the first time any man had gone down on you before and you were nervously biting your lip.

You tried hard to relax as Cillian’s lips finally reached your entrance, tasting the evidence of how much you wanted him.

‘Oh god, fuck’ you moaned as his head dove between your legs. His tongue prodded you softly, short licks against your clit.

Instantly, all restraint and reservations you had vanished. You were relaxed completely as his tongue danced and writhed inside of you.

With each skillful stroke, your thighs clenched. But you still needed more and he read you just right; he didn’t stop as you pushed yourself up the bed. Instead, he held you steady, causing you to look down at him and watching his eyes widen as they met yours, reacting to the rush of your wetness.

‘Cillian, oh god…you need to stop, I am so close’ you moaned, not wanting it to be over. You never came more than once so you wanted to feel him inside of you first.

‘That’s good, just let go’ Cillian said quietly with a grin before he continued and slid two fingers back inside of you while whirling his tongue over your clit.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, no matter how hard you tried. Your exhales began to emerge as deepening sighs and you leaned my head back and lived out the fantasy that had flashed through your mind all along.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you moaned as your back arched and a rush of ecstasy flew through your body. You grabbed onto Cillian’s hair as he sucked every drip from you as your orgasm flooded your body.

As you came down from your orgasm, Cillian shuffled himself back up the bed, kissing you passionately.

You could taste yourself on his lips and you were ready for more.

‘I want to feel you’ you whispered after your lips drifted apart and while reaching for Cillian’s hard cock.

‘Do you have a condom?’ he asked, causing you to nod. You had purchased some before your Valentine’s Date, just in case you needed them.

You reached for the bedside table and opened the pack of condoms, handing one to Cillian.

Cillian was quick to get rid of his briefs and put on the condom, before positioning himself on top of you, in between your legs.

He shuddered a great rushing gasp of breath as he entered you. He couldn’t believe how good you felt, so tight.

You felt him push into you then, slowly and carefully, filling you completely.  

‘Cillian’ you moaned as you held onto him tightly as he slowly began to move.

With every thrust, you gasped, whimpered, soft mewling noises, begging for more.

You felt him all the way to your belly button and screamed out with pleasure, your hands taking the heat as he thrusted fast and deep.

As he picked up his pace, you got louder, groans becoming moans becoming shouts, and the bed frame thumped against the wall, louder and faster and louder and faster.

‘Oh god, don’t stop’ you moaned, his skin slapping against yours.

‘You are so beautiful’ Cillian said in between his moans before pulling out of you slowly and lifting up your legs above his shoulders.

He knew exactly that, this way, he would be reaching your g-spot while he was fucking you.

You were slightly surprised by this position but were flexible enough to run with it.

As he entered you again slowly, you let out a loud moan.

‘Fuck’ you moaned in between the high-pitched noises that escaped you.

‘Does this feel alright?’ Cillian asked, wanting to ensure that you are comfortable.

You nodded eagerly and whimpered a shaky ‘yes’ as he continued to thrust into you. He was right at your g-spot and you could barely control yourself.

He slowly picked up the speed and you could feel another orgasm coming on as the tip of his cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over again.

‘Cillian, oh my god, don’t stop…’ you moaned as you held onto his arms tightly.

You began to shake heavily as your orgasm washed over you and tears of joy escaped your eyes.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian groaned loudly as he felt your walls tightening around him. The sensation coupled with the sounds you were making sent him over the edge and he almost came in sync with you.

As soon as he came, you released your legs from his shoulders and he collapsed on top of you, kissing you passionately.

You could still feel Cillian pulsing inside you when the sudden oddness of what you had done washed over you.

‘Are we ok?’ Cillian asked as he slowly pulled out of you and removed the condom, disposing of it discreetly.

‘I think so’ you said shyly.

‘Good…because I really enjoyed this’ Cillian said as he ran one of his hands over your cheek gently.

‘Me too…plus, I’ve got some inspiration for my book now’ you said cheekily.

‘I am glad to having been of assistance. Make sure you credit me in the end notes’ Cillian said jokingly.

‘Hmm, if I did, it may become a best seller…Sex Scene Inspired by Cillian Murphy’ you said with laughter, causing Cillian to laugh also.

‘I should better get home’ Cillian said as he was playing with your hair. He really didn’t want to leave, but he felt as though it was inappropriate for him to stay the night.

‘You can stay here if you like…’ you offered, but Cillian declined.

After all, this was supposed to be a one off. You are nothing more than friends, or are you?

You accepted Cillian’s decision to leave and weren’t upset by it. You enjoyed your time with Cillian and slept well that night, snugging up in the doona which smelled like his aftershave.

Finishing the Book

The next morning, you got up early to begin writing the intimate chapter of your book. This was the chapter you had struggled with for a while and you finally felt comfortable writing it. If readers would know that, in this particular scene of your book, you were basically reliving your night with your friend, Cillian Murphy, that would be scandalous.

So, you decided to make sure that no one would ever find out about your little adventure.

Unfortunately for you, your grandma seemed to have a good sense of what was going on.

She was on time as usual and dropped Max back at your house at 10am.

‘Had a good night my dear? I can see you are working on your book.’ She said.

‘Yes nan, the play last night was lovely. It has given me some inspiration’ you said.

‘The play has given you some inspiration to write about orgasms?’ your grandmother asked with laughter as she read the screen on your lap top.

‘Nan! Oh my god, don’t read what I am writing’ you said with embarrassment.

‘Oh dear, it’s alright. Believe it or not, I used to write novels myself with a little hint of filth now and then. But, somehow, I don’t think that it was the play that gave you the inspiration to write this little naughty chapter. By looking at the bruises on your neck, perhaps it was your friend Mr Murphy who gave you this inspiration?’ your grandmother said with sarcasm.

‘Nan, no Jesus, please’ you said as your face became flushed.

‘Don’t be embarrassed dear’ your grandmother said. ‘It is good for you. I mean, he is handsome and I saw the way you looked at him yesterday evening…and the way he looked at you’ your grandmother continued.

‘There is nothing between us nan, we are just friends’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Alright dear, whatever you say’ your grandmother said, not believing a single word that came out of your mouth.

‘I better go, I have lunch with Alma later… I love you my dear’ your grandmother said before heading out of the door.

‘Love you too nan’ you said.

 WHO WANTS A SECOND PART OF THIS?

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: I loved your fantastic account of the battle of Waterloo and how each nation came to define the rest of the century for all the European countries in different ways. However what are your thoughts about the battle itself? Did Wellington win it or did Napoleon lose it? What were the turning points that you think determined the fate of the battle?

Thank you for reading and liking my previous post on Waterloo. I did heavily lean into studying ancient classical warfare when I was studying Classics but I only got into Napoleonic warfare because of a father who was (and still remains) big Napoleonic warfare military enthusiast. Through his keen eyes as a former serving military man, I also looked at the battle as a soldier might as well putting on my academic critical thinking cap. It’s a popular parlour game not just in Sandhurst but also in the officers’ mess (where those regiments actually fought at Waterloo) and around dinner tables - in my experience anyway.

I’ve always seen such speculative and counterfactual questions as an amusing diversion. I’ve never seriously looked at the detail until I came to France and unexpectedly interacted with Napoleonic scholars as well as soldiers (the cultured and historically well read ones at least) that forced me to think more about it. I’ve always been of the ‘if the Prussians hadn’t arrived in time to save Wellington’ school; and this was always enough to get me by in any conversation.

But my vanity was stung by interacting with one of my downstairs neighbours, a high decorated retired army general, with whom I played a weekly game of chess over a glass of wine during the Covid lockdown in Paris. He didn’t spare me as he knew so much detail about the battle. But a typical failing of French thinking is to pontificate around generalities rather than specific reasons. So for him it came down to pooh-poohing the generalship of Wellington (the rain saved him) and lauding the emperor (he had haemorrhoids and thus a bad day at the office). So rain and haemorrhoids were the decisive factors in determining the outcome of the battle of Waterloo.

It was clear I had to raise my game. So I’ve been reading more when I could.

I had recently finished reading a wonderful book ‘The Longest Afternoon: The 400 Men Who Decided the Battle of Waterloo’ by the Cambridge historian Brendan Simms. The book came out in 2015 but it’s been lying on my shelf for these past few years until I actually took this slim book to read on my one of my business trips.  

The idea behind this short book is so superbly useful. It places to one side the huge, cinematic panorama of history and instead concentrates on one particular farmhouse, on one particular day: 18 June 1815. History is vivified, lifts itself off the page and into the mind, when a historian of Brendan Simm’s immense stature zooms in on the details - and here the details are compelling.

For the course of one day, 400 soldiers, wet, cold, in some cases hungover, who had bivouacked for the night in an abandoned farmhouse at La Haye Sainte, near a crucially strategic crossroads, found themselves staring down the massed barrels of Napoleon’s vanguard – and held them off.  On June 18, 1815, Wellington established his position and sent one battalion and part of a second to the farmhouse under the command of Major Baring. Napoléon’s initial attack was a direct assault that surrounded the house and came near to breaking Wellington’s line; but it held, and the legendary charge of two British heavy cavalry brigades drove back the French.

This is a detailed account of the defence of La Haye Sainte, a walled stone farmhouse forward of Wellington’s centre. Its defenders were the King’s German Legion, which (despite the British army’s penchant for oddball names) was genuinely German. Britain harboured many German expatriates who detested Napoléon, a number augmented in 1803 when he occupied Hanover and disbanded its army. That very year two ambitious officers recruited the first members of the King’s German Legion, which grew into a corps of some 14,000 men and served with distinction at Copenhagen, Walcheren and in Spain before its apotheosis at Waterloo.

Ordered to capture the farmhouse, Marshal Michel Ney - commanding Napoléon’s left wing - obeyed but became preoccupied with his famously unsuccessful cavalry attack. Reminded of the order two hours later, he dispatched infantry that reached the house and set it on fire. The men inside controlled the blaze and continued to fight until Ney took personal charge of a furious assault that succeeded only when the defenders ran out of ammunition and withdrew, having held out for six hours. Had they not defended it so stoutly and if the farm had fallen any sooner then Napoleon would have been able to get at Wellington’s troops before his Prussian reinforcements arrived, and in all likelihood Waterloo would have been a French victory instead; it would now be the name of a train station in Paris rather than London.

I doubt there is a definitive answer to this question which is why certain people love arguing about it because it’s so open ended in terms of cause and effect. You can pick on any episodic event and hail that as the decisive turning point. It’s one reason why we are so fortunate to have so many well researched history books on the battle of Waterloo to replenish the issues for a newer generation to argue with past generations.

If I were to go beyond the ‘if the Prussians hadn’t arrived to save Wellington’ line then I would point to ten decisive turning points which in themselves might not have changed the outcome but taken together certainly influenced the final outcome of one of the most important and iconic battles in history.

Napoleon gives Marshal Davout a desk job

6 June 1815 – All commanders need a good chief of staff to ensure that their intentions are translated into clear orders. Unfortunately for Napoleon – as what is arguably one of the most decisive battles in European history loomed – his trusted chief of staff, Marshal Berthier, was no longer available. Berthier had sworn an oath of loyalty to Louis XVIII – and then fallen to his death from a window – so the job was given to Marshal Soult.

Soult was an experienced field commander but he was certainly no Berthier. Napoleon’s two main field commanders were also far from ideal. Emmanuel Grouchy had little experience of independent command. Michel Ney’s heroic command of the French rear-guard during the retreat from Moscow led Napoleon to dub him “the bravest of the brave”, but by 1815 he was clearly burnt out.

Worse still, when on 6 June Napoleon ordered his generals to assemble with their troops on the Belgian border he chose to leave behind Louis-Nicolas Davout, his ‘Iron Marshal’, as minister of war. The emperor needed someone loyal to oversee affairs at home but the decision not to take with him the ablest general at his disposal would deprive him of the one commander who might have made a difference.

Constant Rebecque ignores orders

15 June – In June 1815 Napoleon assembled 120,000 men on the Belgian border. Opposing him were 115,000 Prussians under  Field Marshal Blücher and an allied force of about 93,000 men under Wellington. Faced with such odds, Napoleon’s best chance of victory was to get his army between his two enemies and defeat one before turning on the other. On 15 June his army crossed the frontier at Charleroi and headed straight for the gap between the two allied armies.

Wellington was taken completely by surprise: “Napoleon has humbugged me” he said. Uncertain what Napoleon’s intentions were, he ordered his army to concentrate around Nivelles, over 12 miles away from the Prussian position at Ligny. This would have left the two allied armies dangerously separated but fortunately for Wellington, a staff officer in the Dutch army, Baron Constant Rebecque, understood what was actually needed. He disregarded Wellington’s order and instead sent a force to occupy the key crossroads of Quatre Bras, much nearer to the Prussians.

D’Erlon misses the show

16 June – Two battles were fought on 16 June. While Marshal Ney took on Wellington’s army as it hurriedly tried to concentrate around Quatre Bras, Napoleon led the main French force against the Prussians at Ligny. Blücher’s inexperienced Prussians were given a severe mauling but despite this they managed to fall back in relatively good order.

This was partly due to a disastrous mix-up on the part of the French. Confusion over orders saw General D’Erlon’s corps instructed to leave Ney’s army at Quatre Bras and join the fighting at Ligny only to be recalled as soon as they got there. The result was that 16,000 Frenchmen who could have intervened decisively actually took part in neither battle.

Blücher stays in touch

17 June – Wellington succeeded in beating back Ney at Quatre Bras but Blücher’s defeat left the British general with a large French army on his eastern flank. He was forced to fall back northwards towards Brussels. The Prussians were retreating as well. Normally a retreating army tries to withdraw along its lines of communication (ie the route back to its base). Had the Prussians done this they would have headed eastwards. The two allied armies would then have been even further apart and Wellington would have been overwhelmed. But instead of doing that, the Prussians retreated northwards towards Wavre. It was to be a crucial move. The two allied armies stayed in contact and on 17 June Wellington was able to fall back to the ridge at Mont St Jean, and prepare to make a stand there until Blücher’s Prussians could come to his aid.

The weather takes a hand

17 June – The night before the battle was marked by a thunderstorm of biblical proportions. Rain lashed down, turning roads into quagmires and trampled fields into seas of mud.

It was a night of tremendous rain and cloudbursts. Wellington said that even in the monsoons in India, he’d never known rain like it. To wake up cold and damp, wet and terrified, then you have this slaughter in a very small space. By evening there were over 200,000 men struggling to kill each other within four square miles.

Private Wheeler of the 51st Regiment later wrote: “The ground was too wet to lie down… the water ran in streams from the cuffs of our Jackets… We had one consolation, we knew that the enemy were in the same plight.” Wheeler was right of course – the rain would inconvenience all three armies, not least the Prussians as they struggled along narrow country lanes to link up with Wellington.

It’s often said that Napoleon delayed starting the battle in order to allow the ground to dry out but the chief cause of the delay was probably the need to allow his units, many of whom had bivouacked some distance away, to take up their allotted places. Napoleon enjoyed a considerable advantage in artillery at Waterloo but this was lessened by the fact that the mud made it difficult to move his guns around and that cannonballs, normally designed to bounce along until they hit something, or someone, often disappeared harmlessly into the soggy ground. Macdonnell closes the gates

11:30am, 18 June – On 18 June the two armies prepared to do battle. Most of Wellington’s troops were sheltered from enemy fire on the reverse slope of the Mont St Jean ridge. The position was protected by three important outposts: a group of farms to the left, the farm of La Haye Sainte in front and the farmhouse of Hougoumont to the right.

At about 11.30am the French launched their first attack – an assault on Hougoumont. This soon developed into a battle within a battle as the French threw in ever more men in a bid to capture the vital chateau. They nearly succeeded: led by a giant officer nicknamed ‘the Smasher’, a group of French soldiers worked their way round to the rear of the chateau, forced open its north gate and burst inside.

James Macdonnell, the garrison commander, acted quickly. He gathered a group of men and they heaved the gate shut again. The French inside the chateau were then hunted down and killed. Only a young drummer boy was spared. Hougoumont was to remain in allied hands all day and Wellington later commented that the entire result of the battle depended on the closing of those gates.

Ney loses his head after his cavalry founders

1.30pm – The infantry of D’Erlon’s corps finally saw action as they attacked the left wing of Wellington’s army. As they reached the crest of the ridge they were met by the infantry of Sir Thomas Picton’s division. Picton, a foul-mouthed Welshman who rode into battle in a civilian coat and round-brimmed hat, was shot dead but his men stopped the French, who were then driven back by Wellington’s cavalry.

The next major French attack was very different. Ney unleashed his cavalry in a mass frontal attack, and thousands of Napoleon’s famous cuirassiers – big men in steel breastplates riding big horses – thundered up the hill. But Wellington’s infantry stayed calm. Forming squares, they presented in all directions a hedge of bayonets that no horse could be made to charge.

Ney needed to call the cavalry off or support them with infantry but he lost his head and threw more horsemen into the fray. When he abandoned these fruitless attacks, Wellington’s line was still unbroken, two hours had been wasted, and the Prussians were arriving in force.

The Prussians arrive

4.30pm – Blücher had promised to come to Wellington’s aid, and kept his word. Napoleon had detached nearly a third of his army under Grouchy to prevent the Prussians joining up with Wellington but Grouchy failed to do this and, by mid-afternoon, the first Prussian units were in action on the battlefield.

At about 4.30pm they launched their first attack upon the key village of Plancenoit near the rear of Napoleon’s main position. This savage battle would rage for over three hours. Faced with this, Napoleon was forced to send many of his remaining reserves to shore up his position – leaving him with precious few troops to exploit any success his troops might enjoy against Wellington.

Napoleon says no, and von Zeithen turns back

6.30pm – At about 6.30pm the French captured La Haye Sainte. Posting artillery and skirmishers around the farm, they unleashed a storm of shot, shell and musketry into Wellington’s exposed centre. The regiments there suffered horrendous casualties, but Wellington’s line held – just.

Ney asked for reinforcements to press home his advantage but Napoleon refused. Instead he sent troops to recapture Plancenoit which had just fallen to the Prussians. Von Zeiten’s Prussian I Corps arrived on the scene. These much-needed reinforcements were set to join Wellington when a Prussian aide de camp rode up with an order from Blücher instructing them to head south and support his troops at Plancenoit. Von Zeiten obeyed. Realising that Von Zeiten’s troops were desperately needed on the ridge, Baron von Müffling, Wellington’s Prussian liaison officer, galloped after Von Zeiten and pleaded with him to ignore this new order and stick to the original plan. The Prussian general turned back and took his place on Wellington’s left, enabling the duke to shift troops over to reinforce his crumbling centre. The crisis had passed.

Napoleon’s last roll of the dice ends in panic

7.30pm – With Plancenoit back in French hands the stage was set for the final act in the drama. At about 7.30pm Napoleon unleashed his elite imperial guard in a last desperate bid for victory. But it was too late – they were hopelessly outnumbered and Wellington was ready for them. His own troops had been sheltering from the French fire by lying down but when the two large columns of French guardsmen reached the crest of the ridge Wellington ordered his own guards to stand up. One British guardsman describes the scene: “Whether it was (our) sudden appearance so near to them, or the tremendously heavy fire we threw into them but La Garde, who had never previously failed in an attack, suddenly stopped.”

Meanwhile Sir John Colborne of the 52nd Light Infantry wheeled his regiment round to attack the flank of the first French column while General Chasse ordered his Dutch and Belgian troops forward against the other. Soon both French columns had withered away under the deadly fire. Their defeat led to widespread panic in the French army: amid cries of “La Garde recule” (“the Guard is retreating”) it dissolved into a disorderly retreat mercilessly harried by the Prussians. “The nearest-run thing you ever saw in your life,” as Wellington described the battle, was over.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but it will do.

Waterloo was a watershed moment for Europe, and indeed the world. The end of the Napoleonic Wars heralded a peace in Europe which was not broken until the outbreak of World War One in 1914. In the century following the Battle of Waterloo an increased respect developed for the figure of the soldier. True the Battle became mythologised in the nineteenth century and is now embedded in our cultural memory as one of the great British success stories.

We still celebrate Waterloo because it was a great British victory - even if we had a little bit of help from the Prussians. It embodied the British bulldog spirit and marked the moment we finally overcame Napoleon and his empire after a decade of being at war.

The ramifications from Waterloo and the Napoleonic Wars are still felt today in contemporary European politics. I think because of this the battle continues to fascinate and to court intense discussion and disagreement.

No doubt my French neighbour the retired army general and I will continue to stubbornly argue our differing viewpoints until the wine bottle empties. But we both agree that we would enjoy having dinner with Napoleon and talk about his military campaigns. I admire Napoleon a little more having read more and for living in France. He’d be a very amusing and stimulating companion.

In many ways, he was also an enlightened and intelligent ruler. His Code Napoleon is an extremely enlightened law code. At the same time this is a man who had a very, very low threshold for boredom. I think he was addicted to war.

General Robert E. Lee, at Fredericksburg said, “It is well that war is so dreadful, otherwise we would grow too fond of it.”

Napoleon would never have agreed with that. War was his drug. There’s no evidence that Wellington enjoyed war. He said after Waterloo, and I believe him, “I pray to God that I have fought my last battle.” He spent much of the battle saying to the men, “If you survive, if you just stand there and repel the French, I’ll guarantee you a generation of peace.” He thought the point of war was peace. And he sure gave not just Britain but also an entire European continent some respite from the spilling of blood on a battlefield.

Thanks for your question.

[lxngbottom]

A Fun Trip. | N.L.

in which the reader and neville take acid, and have a fun trip together.

warnings: drug use, swearing, a little bit of angst.

word count: 1,692

i got inspired due to the fact i had to trip sit like 6 or 7 people the other night so enjoy whatever this is lolol

—

“oh, shit. this is actually about to happen...”

those were the words that came from your best friend, neville longbottom. you two sat calmly on his bed, ron, harry, seamus, and dean all present in the room.

“we don’t have to do this, you know. if you’re too scared then we should just—“

“no! i want to do this. it seems cool!” he quickly interjected, taking a quick glance at the tab sitting patiently on the plastic bag in front of both of you. you laughed at your best friend, surprised by his eagerness to take muggle drugs.

“you guys won’t like—die, right?” ron asked, not really knowing if he was trying to reassure himself or you two.

you rolled your eyes at the ginger, “no, ronald. we won’t die. we’re taking one tab each, and trust me... i’ve seen people take way more than that and be completely fine.”

“so why did you ask us to be here?” seamus added, a book settled in his hands as his back was propped up against his headboard.

“because, asshat! it’s only my second time ever taking LSD and it’s neville’s first time!”

“i thought you said you’ve never done this before...” neville stated, his face now visibly sweating. you smiled at him,

“i’ve done magic mushrooms, nev. but never acid.”

his mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape, and he quickly looked down at the two tabs once more. you could tell that he was anxious, simply from the way his hand made its way up to his neck and began to rub it. you grabbed the same hand, and put yours over it. “hey, you’ll be alright. there’s nothing to be scared of. and if you do start having a bad trip, i told all of them how to get you out of it, alright?”

he couldn’t help but to send you a small smile. you were always so good at making him feel relieved, reassured. it was one of the reasons why he adored you so much.

“so...” you began, picking up one of the tabs carefully, making sure that it wouldn’t get on your skin. “are you ready?”

neville looked at the tab once more, and sighed. “yeah. fuck it.”

you chuckled, and passed him his tab, “fuck it.”

at the same time, you two put the tab directly on your tongue. you could already feel the tab slowly dissolving, and for a quick moment regret filled your body. but you pushed it away, as you didn’t want to make neville nervous. you wanted his first trip to be good, unlike yours was.

“how long does it take to work?” neville asked, throwing the plastic bag in the trash bin right beside his bed.

you thought for a moment, trying to recollect your past knowledge from doing LSD. “about thirty minutes to an hour. but, it really all depends on the person, i suppose.”

he nodded, and began to play with his fingers.

you let your back fall onto the headboard, and moved some hair from your face.

“now... we wait.”

—

almost a whole hour had gone by, and neville stared up at the canopy, waiting for something, just anything to happen.

“still nothing, longbottom?” dean asked him, staring intently at his friend.

“yeah, nothing...” he muttered in response, “what about you, y/n?”

if neville or any of the other boys would’ve been a bit more attentive, they would’ve noticed how you were practically lost in your own world. everything was so bright, the most beautiful environment that you had ever seen. the wrinkles in your hands wiggled, and the print on the wall seemed to move like the ocean.

“uhh—you guys?” harry suddenly announced, and he pointed over towards you.

the boys looked over, and saw you staring at neville’s bed side table intently. you were on your knees, staring at the printed wood and the way it danced. you almost began to dance with it until neville got your attention,

“y/n? are you alright?”

you looked over at him, and he was shocked to see the brightest smile on your face that he had ever seen. “fantastic. the best i’ve ever felt!”

you couldn’t explain it, but it was the best you ever felt. your physical body on its own felt as if it were on cloud nine, and the things you were seeing... it was brilliant.

“look at the table. it’s dancing!” you squealed excitedly, pointing at the thin lines imbedded into the wood. neville, out of pure curiosity, looked exactly where you were pointing at. but, he didn’t see the wood dancing like you were.

“i don’t see anything. i guess it’s not working for me...” he sighed, envious of how happy you seemed from the affects.

you slowly got up, and looked over at him. you were making every attempt possible to ignore the visuals that covered your eye sight. you walked over to him, a small smile still planted onto your face. you bent down in front of him,

“it hit.” you whispered to him,

“what?”

you stared into his eyes, “it. hit.”

in that moment, neville truly believed in the power of words. because as you stood up, a blurred version of your figure followed. as if everything happening all in this moment was delayed.

neville’s eyes widened, and he looked down at his hands. he noticed the way the faint lines in his palm moved, and how they seemed to be wrapping around on each other. he closed his hand, and opened it right back up to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things.

no. this was actually happening.

“you guys... look at my hand! look! it’s moving!” neville started to shove his palm into his ron’s face, and ron laughed when he saw that his palm actually wasn’t moving.

you two began to get lost. lost into a trip that came in waves, but nonetheless, quite enjoying.

every time you looked at the walls, they seemed to move with your every step. you kept giggling at it, earning questionable stares from your designated “trip sitters.”. the bed posts seem to grow, shrink, and do the same thing all over again. at one point, you needed to use the bathroom. but as you walked passed a random mirror within the dorm, the need to relive yourself faded away.

in the mirror, you could say you saw multiple things. but, that wouldn’t even be a good enough explanation for what you saw. your face began to grown a shade of purple, a lavender shade. and you saw two extra terrestrial seeming ears grow out of the top of your head.

“neville, come check this out!” you blankly stated, too lost in thought and sight to even put any emotion into your words.

he quickly made his way over to you, and looked in the mirror as well.

it didn’t take long before the two of you were shouting about crazy things, and laughing your asses off.

“these crazy people, mate. i swear!” ron joked, shaking his head at the two of you.

—

as you sat up from neville’s bed, a large wave of sadness crashed into you. you knew this was bound to happen, just not as soon as you woke up.

you looked over, and spotted neville sleeping soundly. his hair was messy, and his lips were parted a bit. small snores escaped him, and you smiled at the way he looked, but your come down didn’t let you feel too happy for long.

“neville...” you nudged him, attempting to wake him up nicely. “neville... wake up...”

his eyes fluttered open slowly, and he smiled when he realized that you were over him, staring at him.

“hi.” he hummed, and you greeted him back with a quick, “morning.”

but from the way your face looked, neville could tell something was wrong. he had known you for so long, that he knew just one face drop always indicated that something was going on.

“what’s wrong, love?” he asked sweetly, mentally pleading for you to lay down next to him.

“i just feel...” you began, but trailed off getting lost in your own thoughts, “i just feel sad. like... noting is ever going to get better.”

you had talked to him about the affects of LSD, and how it made certain people react. and of course you didn’t forget to tell him about the infamous come down. he had retained as much as he could, so he knew from your statement that it was simply the drugs talking.

“y/n... that’s not true. you know that. everything can get better.” he assured you,

you looked over at him, “you said can. but... what if they don’t?” your voice cracked, and you could feel the sob climbing up your throat, desperately trying to escape your lips.

neville sighed, and quickly pulled your arm, asking if you to lay down next to him. you did so easily, making no complaints about receiving comfort in this moment.

he held you tight, and pressed a small kiss to your temple as he fixed the blanket that laid over the both of you. when he settled in once more, all it took was a look of adoration from him to make your lip quiver, and for a small cry to leave your body.

“oh, y/n... it’s alright...” he whispered, petting your hair gently as you cried into his chest. he couldn’t help but to feel his heart shatter into thousands of pieces hearing you sob like this. he knew it was just the routine of doing muggle drugs, but merlin, he hated seeing in this state.

you both laid still, and neville let you cry and ramble on about philosophical topics. he listened carefully, running his fingers through your hair gently.

when you calmed down, you nuzzled up closer to him.

“i had fun with you last night, nev. thanks for always doing stupid shit with me...” you chuckled through your tears, wiping them away with your hand.

“well, you want to know something?”

you hummed in response, looking up at him.

“i would do it all over again.”

[iamstartraveller776]

Next to You 6/?

Summary: (Modern AU) Killian had taken one look at Emma Swan and knew she was every kind of trouble a man ought to steer clear of if he wanted to keep his sanity. Beautiful, vulnerable—probably with a heart-rending backstory—but hiding it admirably behind a tough exterior. She was an open book to him, and he’d read one just like it before. The last thing he needed was to have her as a flatmate. Unfortunately, he was outvoted.

Rating: T

Previous Chapter (Also on AO3)

A/N: I'm so grateful to have a bit of time to write. It's really helping me keep my sanity for the impending move. (Did I mention that the move is across the world?)

CHAPTER SIX: Thicker Than Water

The pub was unusually crowded for a Thursday evening, and that suited Killian just fine. An endless repetition of taking orders and pouring drinks was fantastic for chasing away his memory of the last twenty-four hours and its tangle of conflicting emotions. He didn’t have to think about the soft glow of light around Emma’s closed door last night when he finally made it home. How he raised his hand to knock, but then let it drop away with a muttered curse. He didn’t have to think about her dark, empty room in the morning. Or David’s annoyingly contemplative gaze in the kitchen as they wordlessly partook of their coffee.

Killian also didn’t have to think about the phone in his back pocket, about the disappointment which had gathered in his stomach like beads of poisoned lead with each hour that passed without a single text from Emma. By the time he arrived for his evening shift, he could act as if he wasn’t at all angry. Angry at her for upsetting his carefully curated life with a single drunken whim. Angry at himself for forgetting the inevitable conclusion to this unrequited tale.

Angry more that he still wanted it.

He was grateful when a group of lads started a sing-along of Wellerman, when even the most reluctant of patrons added their voices to the melody—stomping and pounding fists against tables—making the establishment reverberate with the rousing ditty. The spontaneous merriment did wonders for his mood.

Not long after, he fell into a familiar routine. Laughing with others over the playful insults Lilly, one of his bartenders, tossed at the few daring enough to engage her in a battle of wits. Shuttling drinks to tables and booths. Catching up with regulars, asking after work, after family and beloved pets. Duly clicking his tongue over tyrannical bosses or loud neighbors. Offering congratulations and best wishes for happy news. This was good. This was what he needed to clear his head.

“Oy, Killian!” Smee’s voice pierced the din of conversation some hours later. “You’ve got a visitor!”

Trepidation twisted in Killian’s gut as he turned toward the end of the bar. Had Emma finally come to see him? To once and for all smother the torch he carried against his will?

It wasn’t her, though. David leaned against the polished bar top, and by the sober expression he wore, Killian wagered that his mate wasn’t here for a drink. He passed his tray to Lilly and nodded for David to follow him to his small office.

“What’s going on with you and Emma?” David asked once they were settled behind closed doors.

Killian swallowed down a sardonic laugh. He pasted on a neutral smile, opened the drawer in his desk where he kept a flask of rum, and lied. “Not sure what you mean, mate.”

David gave him a flat look. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Even if I did,” Killian countered, his smile slipping a fraction, “I’m fairly certain that it’s none of your business.” He leaned back in his chair, took a nip from the bottle. “Now if that’s all you needed…”

David didn’t take the unspoken invitation to leave but instead folded his arms. “She’s my family, mate. And she’s had it pretty damn hard in life.”

Killian could guess where this discussion was going. “I’m aware.”

“No, I don’t think you are—not really.” David shook his head. “Or else you wouldn’t be blurring the line with her.”

Killian stared at the other man. He was the one blurring lines? “You’ve got it wrong.” Incredibly wrong.

“Do I?” David asked. “Because in the time I’ve known you, I haven’t seen you in a single relationship. Not one. Listen, I get it. You’re not the setting down kind, and I can respect that. Do whatever makes you happy. But Emma isn’t a notch in your headboard.”

Irritation ran hot beneath Killian’s skin at the backhanded inference. “What the bloody hell kind of man do you think I am?”

David spread his hands in a placating gesture. “I don’t think you actually want to hurt her. But she’s not as resilient as she pretends to be,” he said. “I’m just saying that after the shit she’s been through with her exes, she deserves someone who will protect her heart—someone who’s all in.”

He rose out of his seat. “You need to figure out if you can be that guy. If not, you’d better back off.” He punctuated the warning with a hard glare before leaving the room.

Killian took a long pull from the flask in a futile attempt to quiet the blood pounding in his ears. He needed to punch something—David’s face in particular for that dreadful portrait he painted of his character. But his friend hadn’t been entirely incorrect, had he? Killian had sworn off all attachments and done a fine job of keeping true to his word.

Until Emma.

He ran a hand through his hair with a groan. Did he want to be what she deserved? A voice inside answered with a quick and resounding yes. But experience had long ago taught him that want and ability were two different things. The question he had to answer wasn’t whether he wanted to be that man, but whether he could be.

He didn’t bloody know.

~

The question which had haunted him all night seemed plainly moot when Emma maintained her communication blackout—even after he sent a tentative message asking after her day. If she had no desire to explore this bloody something brewing between them, then why should he bother tying himself in knots over it?

If only it were that simple.

If only he hadn’t looked up with equal parts anticipation and dread each time the door to the pub opened. If only he hadn’t lingered past closing in case she made an appearance. If only he hadn’t held his breath when he returned to their flat and then let it out in a dejected sigh as he slumped against the doorjamb of her still-empty room.

When his phone buzzed while he crossed the hall, he couldn’t help the bloom of irrational hope that it was her. Unfortunately, the flower withered at Liam’s name lighting up the screen. Killian raised a brow as he accepted the call, wondering if his typically fastidious brother had somehow forgotten the time difference.

“Bloody hell,” he said, closing the door to his bedroom. “You do know it’s nearly four in the morning here?”

“You need to come home.” Liam’s tone was distressingly somber.

Killian straightened, seized with sudden panic. “Has something happened to Elsa? Ardie?”

“They’re fine,” Liam answered hastily. He paused for a beat before going on, “It’s Father.”

“Father?” Killian frowned. Elsa’s father? He thought she’d lost her parents when she was an adolescent.

On the other end of the line, Liam sucked in a breath. “Our father is dying.”

“Our father…” Killian echoed slowly as if the words would make more sense if he said them out loud. “Our father is dying?”

“You need to come home,” Liam insisted again.

A chilly sort of numbness swept over Killian. “Father” was hardly the term to describe the man who had sired him. In fact, he couldn’t see any reason why he should give a damn about Brennan Jones’s impending demise, let alone travel back to England for the sake of it.

“Killian?” Liam asked, broaching the thick silence that had fallen between them.

“As far as I’m concerned,” Killian replied tightly, “that bastard died the day he abandoned us. I’m not going to rush to his bedside so he can ease his bloody conscience.”

Liam made a noise of disapproval. “It’s more complicated than that,” he began, but Killian wasn’t in the mood to hear a lecture.

“If you’re worried I’ll regret not saying a ‘proper’ farewell,” he said, “I can assure you I won’t. He deserves—”

“We have a brother, dammit!”

The rest of Killian’s invective stuck in his throat, rendering him speechless. It had never occurred to him before that their estranged parent might have had another family. The notion stirred the bile in his stomach.

“We have a brother,” Liam repeated more calmly. “Whatever your feelings about Father, our brother has done nothing wrong. We’re about to be the only family he has left.”

Killian wanted to argue, to tell Liam that their father and the son he’d apparently bothered to raise could both sod off. He didn’t need this soap opera shit on top of everything else. But as turbulent being an orphan had been, he’d always had Liam at his side. Could he truly leave his nameless sibling completely unmoored?

Just as Brennan had done to them.

Killian unclenched his jaw. It would be a cold day in hell before he’d be anything like his father. “Alright,” he relented. “I’ll be on the next flight.”

“Thank you,” Liam said, relief evident in his voice. “Send me the details of your arrival when you have them. See you soon.”

“Aye.” Killian ended the call.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, he dropped onto his bed. This was… It was too much. It was a bloody mess—everything. He let out a brittle laugh. And yet when had life ever not been?

He gave himself another minute to bemoan this unwelcome development before searching flights and shooting a message to David and Robin, to Smee. His assistant manager could handle the needed alterations to the pub’s schedule.

Three hours later, he was seated at his gate, worn travel bag at his feet and ticket in hand, when he received a text from an unknown number.

hey. it’s emma. asshole skip broke my phone & had to get a temp one. sry for disappearing. had to chase down a lead. be back sunday. see u then?

Killian blinked at the message. Was it merely last night that he was on tenterhooks, awaiting a response from her? The whole affair seemed significantly less urgent now. Though, he was glad that she hadn’t been ignoring him—glad that they, at least, remained friends.

I’m off to London for a bit. Hope you made the bastard pay. He hesitated before adding: Be safe, love.

She replied within seconds. u too.

The call for boarding came over the speakers, and he felt a twinge behind his sternum for what lay ahead.

And for what he had to leave behind.

~TBC~

Thank you for reading!

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Sick - Tanaka x reader

Warnings: none

Words: 2282 

Summary: You and your neighbor walk your dogs at the same everyday, but what happens when he stops showing up 

A/n :! I am so so so so sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth, college is hard man and then it’s partially online and COVID and things and the depression really hit and I have started a new self care book and it is adding one thing back in my life at a time that I am passionate about and last week was French and this week it is writing because I really do miss it! I threw this together last night based off of a request I got forever ago and I hope it is liked <3 

You’ve lived in the same apartment for years and people always come and go, in and out, it feels like you see a new face everyday. In your three years there, you’ve only had one consistent fact, and that’s your bald neighbor who goes on walks with his dogs at the same time as you twice a day. At first you only saw him occasionally and now the two of you go out at 7:30 am and 6:30 pm on the dot. You have no idea how it started but now you get kinda excited to run into your neighbor on the stairs everyday and hopefully make a comment about how good his two big dogs are looking or even jsut the smallest acknowledgement with him.

   Speaking of your neighbor, he wasn’t out this morning before work, and you didn’t think too much of it because he works kinda funny hours and some random days misses the times. (Though he always tells you about it in the afternoon or the next time you see him) and because you’ve learned he’s a personal trainer he has finicky clients and sometimes is up wayy too early or way too late. It bugged you all day that you hadn’t seen him and no matter how hard you tried to focus at work you couldn’t imagine why he wasn’t out on a Wednesday. All of your explainations could make sense but you really don’t feel right about any of it. And when you got home and took your two babies out and he wasn’t there you were sure something was up. Tanaka loved his dogs more than anything and says that their routine keeps them together and that it keeps them well behaved. Something had to be wrong. Maybe he got a new girlfriend? Or he forgot? But he didn't forget and he hasn’t been with anyone ever, and if he was his dogs would still come first. You had no idea what you were thinking but when you came back up the stairs you kept walking and knocked on the door of the man you knew so completely and not at all. You quickly realized what you’d done and your heart was racing as you silent prayed that no one was home and that you could creep back to your door before anyone heard you.

   This was a great thought, except you forgot what happens when you knock with dogs. They bark. And unfortunately for you Tanaka doesn’t get a lot of guests so his dogs barked a lot. Like they could wake the entire neighborhood a lot. You had to grin and bear it and face the consequences of your irrational actions.

   After thirty or so seconds the door creeps open and there he is, Takana Ryuunosuke, in his pajamas and a beanie opening the door. He looked like a walking corpse and by the way he sniffed out a weak “hello” as he opened the door told you everything you needed to know. He was sick. Very sick, and you had just knocked at the door and now have to figure out what to say to him.

   “Oh, hey,” you stutter, “I was just checking on you to see if everything was alright, you weren’t out with your dogs and I was wondering if anything was up, or if you needed me to take them out for you because of their routine and everything,” you ramble on, hoping that somewhere your logic connected and this made sense.

   Takana stared at you blankly and you couldn’t help but mentally smack yourself because that was exactly what a stalker would say and you now seemed like his stalker.

   After a few more seconds of blank stares his expression caught up to your words and he broke out the goofy smile you love so much.

   “My dogs? Walk them?” He asked. Maybe they hadn’t caught up after all.

   “Well yeah, they weren’t out at their regular time and i wanted to make sure they were still going out and I have my two out and they are so well behaved and you clearly don’t feel well so it would really be no problem,” you rambled on again.

This time he was closely listening and nodded along with you before smiling once again. “No no no,” he chuckled, “ I can take them out” though he was laughing you could hear that he wasn’t feeling well and his energy was lower than you had ever heard.

   “Let me do this one favor for you, I can take them out, no big deal, okay?” You smiled.

   After you smiled it was a done deal for Tanaka, he grabbed the leash and thanked you about a hundred times. His dogs are fantastic and took you less than five minutes to walk before they’d used the restroom and were ready to go back inside. You took them back and he thanked you once again and you headed back to your apartment to make some dinner.

   You settled on a sun dried tomato soup with grilled cheese and happened *wink* accidentally *wink* make more than you could eat on your own and you’d hate for it to go to waste and you do have a neighbor who is sick and could probably use a hot meal right about now. So, you packed up a container for him and wrapped the sandwich in aluminum foil so that it would be hot for him and put some tea in a thermos and headed out your door once more. This time though, you were a little less bold and just rang the doorbell and ran back to your room. You did however, leave a little note saying “hope you feel better soon - room 420” on it and you hoped that it would at least help his night a little bit.

   Little do you know, Tanaka was so shocked to see this from you that he almost dropped the hot soup onto himself in a panic because this not only meant you paid attention to him but you cared for him. This was the best thing to ever happen to him. He finished every last bite and washed the container and thermos and placed them back by your door with a note of his own.

   When you got up the next morning and went to take your dog out you couldn’t help but beam when you saw your tupperware back in front of your door. You picked up the two items before seeing the little note on top of the container.

‘Best Soup Ever! -Room 419’

You beamed and did a little happy dance before deciding to go knock and see if he needed your help with his dogs again today, and boy are you lucky that you went. WHen he opened the door he somehow looked worse than yesterday, you could have swore that he had snot dried to his face and he was a total mouth breather and the bags under his eyes as well as tripled overnight. There were no arguments when you asked if he needed help with his dogs, because truthfully he really did.

   The walk was quick and the morning was over before you knew it. Another distracted day at work, you found yourself wondering how you could help him feel better, especially because he lived all alone and his closest family was something like an hour away last he told you.

You had a brilliant idea and decided to go to the store after work and make him a ‘get well’ basket. You filled the basket with cough drops, tissues, teas, chocolates and other little goodies that help him feel better and put him in a better mood. You got the groceries and were right on your way, practically skipping with excitement.

   Once again, you accidentally made an extra soup after you’d taken care of the dogs and happened to leave it with the basket later that evening.

   In the morning however, none of your dishes were by your door, which was no big deal, especially because he was feeling so under the weather, but what was even more strange is that he didn’t answer the door and the last thing you wanted to do was wake him up. So, you headed to work wondering if he liked what you did for him or if you’d crossed a line or if he was allergic to chicken noodle, or if he was too much of a health nut and you’d offended him, or if he’d… you had no idea, maybe died. This was not good for you and you could feel the stress starting to get to you when you got off work the sprint back home was exhausting and anxious. You rounded the corner of the stairs when you saw

Nothing.

You saw nothing.

That was fine, everything is fine. You are fine. Life is fine. If he doesn’t feel good you can’t expect him to do dishes or even leave his room. That’s best for everyone, no one wants a walking germ contaminating everything around, there were probably old ladies on this floor, you hadn’t seen any, but they were there, probably, so he was just doing the world a favor.

Again, he didnt answer the door for his dogs and you couldn’t force your kindness onto him so you had a night to yourself and went to bed way earlier than usual. You couldn’t help but wake up earlier than usual and instead of looking for things that weren’t there you got out and went to work early and got busy right away. You had a full day and worked until almost 8pm, hurrying back to hopefully get home before your local take away had closed. You made it, but just barely, and got your favorite meal to bring home with you to watch something horrible with.

   You got home and plopped on the couch completely exhausted. Immediatley you started eating and got about halfway through when you heard a knock at the door. Oh shit. You had no one in your life that would ever knock, well almost no one. THere was one person you were really hoping wasn’t on the other side of the door. You were in a t-shirt you got 10 years ago and a pair of crappy shorts from the general store, there was nothing remotely nice, or even tame about your appearance, you looked to be frank, crazy.

You creeped the door open and saw exactly who you were hoping not to see, Tanaka Ryuunosuke standing in front of your door beaming.

   “Hey?” You question nervously.

   “Hey, I noticed that you didn’t take your dogs out earlier and was wondering if you needed me to take them out for you?” He questioned genuinely, smiling from head to toe, clearly feeling better.

   You had no idea what to say or do but he just smiled as your dogs trotted out the door with him, without you saying a word. You awkwardly closed the door and stood there in shock. That was horrible. An embarrassment to you, an embarrassment to your family name and even worse an embarrassment to society. The shock still hadn’t worn off when you heard a second knock at your door, and well that was the man with your dogs and you couldn’t just leave them outside.

   This time when you opened the door you couldn’t help but gasp. Tanaka has a giant bouquet of red roses and a giant blush on his face.

   “Y/n, I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I have had a crush on you since I first met you, and I never knew how to tell you, every time I got close to you I just freeze and I started taking my dogs out when you do to try and get to know you and I could never make myself do it but you have been unbelievably kind to me and I can’t wait any longer. I want nothing more than to have a chance with someone as stunning as you are. Y/n, will you go on a date with me?”

   This time it was you standing there dumbstruck for longer than you should have. You heard every single one of his words and your heart was fluttering out of your chest. You’d had feelings for him for as long as you can remember and here he was with a bouquet of flowers standing in your doorway asking you to go on a date with him. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything so you just grinned and nodded at him enthusiastically, hoping he understood just how much this means to you.

   He beamed right back and handed you the bouquet of flowers, “perfect, then I’ll see you Friday at 7, I’ll pick you up.” He winked.

You were still dumbstruck and nodded again, and right as you were about to close the door for the night he stuck his foot in the doorway.

“One more thing y/n,” he pushed the door back open and had a basket of little goodies for you, as well as a homemade meal in the containers you’d given him with a little note that says ‘your soup warmed my soul, and my heart’. You couldn’t help but absolutely beam with happiness. You set the basket down and threw your arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a big hug, repeatedly thanking him for his kindness. You two parted ways happier than you could have imagined and both in great anticipation for Friday.

   The next morning, you were both out at 7:30 on the dot, excited to see one another.

[shhhlikeme]

“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series:

Outtake Collection #11:

———————————

A/N: welcome to the final post tonight!!!!!! Thanks for staying for this marathon everybody🥱🖤 I told y’all to get ready right? Lehgo:

TABLE OF CONTENTS

———————————

A 1-Year Anniversary For The Books 😳....🎡❄️🌃

over the next 6 months, you and Aone have had a remarkable relationship 💗

He’s beyond caring, attentive and sweet to you: even when you are moody on your period and dont want to talk to him he would drop off a basket at your house filled with a heating pad, your favourite treats, DVDs of your favourite movies and a note that explained how he felt about you

Your sex life was amazing, sex was insanely passionate and few and far between because you were both busy + Aone wanted you to know he wasn’t here for sex, though he loved it, of course

Takanobu listened to every story of yours, filled in at your cheer practices when you needed him, brought your team to competitions whenever some people didn’t have rides, and he attended the popular kids parties with you and let you do your own thing...

In addition, of course he was the best tutor you’ve ever had, letting you know before you started that you weren’t allowed to mess with his hormones to get out of it:

“Y/N. we have to study. No seduction tricks. They’re not fair.”

“Okay—!” You smiled.

“No cute-duction tricks either.”

You pouted.

“Want me to leave?” He asked, getting bold because he knew you were getting clingy, and even though he’d love to be balls deep between your heavenly legs, School came first. He needed you to graduate with him. It wasn’t an option.

“No no no baby please I’m sorry.” You pleaded.

He kissed your cheek. “Good.”

you attended baby’s intense volleyball games, so you saw his losses and it broke your heart

But you knew just how to comfort him: have him lay his head on you as you stroked his hair....give him lots of kisses and go to the pet store and spend hours the turtle section 💕

You got super close to his friends which was obviously incredible to Aone

And he’d been trying to get you to meet his family for a while, but you were too nervous

One day at the movies when Koganegawa was complaining yet again about how much his parents the other 2 members of the iron wall treated him like a baby, you interjected in the line for tickets. Aone had his arms around you from behind, making you feel safe

“Hey, wait a second. If Aone is ‘mom’ and Futakuchi is ‘dad,’ what does that make me???” You whined.

Kanji looked down at you like that was the most obvious question in the world. “You’re the hot side chick that Aone cheated on Futakuchi-senpai with.”

Your jaw dropped. “Excuse me—“

“Wrong.” Aone stated, glaring at Kanji. “Don’t ever associate cheating with me and Y/N. I would NEVER.”

Futakuchi rolled his eyes. “We know. Learn to take a joke,”

You turned around in Aone’s arms and got on your toes straining for a kiss. Aone smiled and leaned down to press his lips on yours. He tried to pull away but you held onto the collar of his hoodie and pulled him down again, prohibiting him from ending the kiss.

“Y/N, you better keep the same energy.” Futakuchi mumbled under his breath, walking forward as the line moved. “If my best friend ends up heartbroken I know someone else’s Cheer captain best friend who can end up being hurt just as bad in return🙃..........” he sung.

Without breaking your fantastic kiss, you stuck out your foot in the direction you knew Kenji was walking, making him trip.

“Ouch, fuck! Why do you invite her, Aone-san?!”

You smiled into the kiss.

Tbh: your relationship was..........perfect💘

........too perfect, you sometimes thought.

It kept you up at night sometimes .... the fact that you couldn’t really pin point anything wrong with him , even months later

How is it possible that while all your friends went through trials and tribulations.....ups and downs in their relationships and crushes ... and weird squares (*cough cough* Kenji, Katana, Koganegawa, Kusa 🤧 *cough cough*....but that’s for another outtake time) while you didn’t have to endure anything

Aone was protecting you from going through any pain . Proving to you his worth

Your boyfriend surprised you everyday making you happier than the last

Not to mention you have an adoptive son named Perdu that you adore 🐢💚

But you couldn’t shake the feeling deep within that told you that you didn’t deserve this

Yes, you have come to love Aone with all of your heart—he is literally an angel

But that conversation that Aone was so reluctant to have 6 months ago about how much he pined after you........it really affected you in various ways....

For one thing, why did someone so beautiful and pure and perfect have to fall for someone like you?

You had faults. You didn’t even notice him for years while he suffered in silence in the background, for God’s sake

It was as if, only after he defended you against the Class Snitch and did something for you, that’s when you noticed him—and then he just jumped at the opportunity

You could’ve played him, used him, and you’re pretty sure that he would let you. 😞

He was Not realizing how selfish the whole thing seemed

And then there’s the whole fact that Aone has liked you for 2 years..... and no one else? Even when you didn’t notice him?

Yeah, you couldn’t even lie about that one to yourself. He really only liked you and only had eyes for you. Even though you hadn’t even known he was even an option for you.

It broke your heart—

Yes, you loved him now.

But that conversation 6 months ago...... it made you understand how much of an amazing, absolutely unbelievable human being he is, even before you two started dating = you haven’t been able to shake this feeling of unfairness....

The feeling that you do not deserve him

Maybe you wanted him for the sex that felt so good it made you cry every time?

Or all the things he does for you because he was so whipped?

Meanwhile he endured relentless cockteasing from you because he tried not to give into his urge so you wouldn’t think he wanted you for that ...always putting you first..... what hormonal male DOES that?

He’s perfect

But Maybe that was the big pull...you know?

perhaps it was just a pull and this isn’t how it is supposed to be

Aone deserves someone as amazing and selfless as him, no?

What if he deserved better? As long as you were in the way he’d only accept you and shut out any girl who could be even better for him.

A girl that wouldn’t have ignored him for 2 years .

When you started expressing your concerns, Katana, your best friend knew this point would come.

“Do not self destruct, Y/N. Just because you get scared when y’all are getting serious. That man is crazy about you.” Katana pleaded with you at your locker one day as you shuffled through your messy locker.

“I’m not self destructing, and I know he is..... but maybe that’s the problem? I get a perfect boyfriend and what does Aone get? I just hope that this is, a fair transaction in the Universe.....”

“You love that man too. I know you do! Besides, everyone can see the way his entire demeanour has lit up and changed since you two got together. He’s like a new person and it’s almost been a whole year.... look at him.”

You found your pencil case and closed your locker, looking over in the direction Katana called your attention to. Aone was talking to Koganegawa and Kusa, laughing loudly...something no one had ever seen him do a year before now. Your heart sunk because you were the cause of that happiness. He was a new man, and he was so happy to be with you. It made your heart hurt.

Aone glanced over in your direction just then, making eye contact with you and instantly smiling brightly. He said some form of goodbye to his friends like he always did when he spotted you, dropping everything to greet you and hold your books.

What made you so special... to deserve such a man?

If you asked Aone, he’d have a list of ways he could answer that question, but, for you, you forced yourself to believe he was just taken away with your looks....and that he just convinced himself he liked you deeper because of how pretty you were. He loves sex but tries not to have it, maybe it’s because you’d catch on to him being like every other guy that just wants you and the rest of the cheerleaders for your bodies? I mean, even his best friend Futakuchi is like that!

No, he was a terrible liar.

Aone is gorgeous, tall, muscular, handsome....... girl after girl check him out and want him. Maybe one of them deserved him more than you do....

Thoughts like that whirled through your mind all the time from summer to winter...

Tonight, on the night of your 1 year anniversary, it was no different. Aone had made it clear for months to his team that he wouldn’t be attending practice on this date

🥺

Instead, he treated you to a luxurious dinner on a yacht and then you both went one of the highest Ferris wheels in the world that gave a great view of the city night lights of Japan:

It was so romantic, and Aone was just the happiest man on earth holding you closer as you leaned into his side because you loved Ferris wheels but you were chilly in this temperature.

Your boyfriend pulled your hat down for you so it was covering your ears

He took your hands in his and blew hot air on them to keep you warm, spreading the heated blanket he’d bought so it covered more of you than him.

“Still cold? Want my jacket?”

“I’m good.” You grinned.

His heart warmed.

“Y/N.”

You looked up at your boyfriend, hearing the sudden change to seriousness in his tone. Aone sported that blush that he had the first time you’d kissed him on the cheek. He was still nervous around you even after an entire year and it had to do with his strong feelings of love toward you. He was sure they’d never go away.

Takanobu dug into his pocket and pulled out two small individually wrapped boxes. One square and one rectangular. The silver boxes were wrapped in little yellow bows, yellow-your favourite colour.

“More gifts, Aone?” You asked softly, you couldn’t help but frown. He was always spoiling you beyond belief. “You promised the dinner was your only gift,”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Happy 1-year anniversary. You make me so happy and I really hope you’ll be so kind as to bless me with more years.”

You took off your mittens and took the boxes from him, your stomach in knots the entire time.

You felt so different. Your heart hurt.

You placed the boxes in your lap and Aone tried not to smile. You delicately untied both bows, removing the lids before gasping.

“Aone..........” you said quietly. “Oh, Aone, they are beautiful.”

Mountain man smiled. “You don’t have to wear them.....I just really wanted to gift them to you because—“

You interrupted him. “You don’t think I’d wear them?” You asked, hurt. Hurt for him because you could tell that he still felt that you were too good to be true.

“Well the promise ring m-might be too flashy, or the turtle might be seen as a little juvenile by your teammates, so—“

That did it.

Your heart broke.

It couldn’t be any more clear now.

You didn’t deserve this man.

“Aone.” Your voice cracked as you spoke. You willed yourself not to cry.

But this time it wasn’t tears of joy that almost fell the day he confessed, these were the truest of all types tears..... tears of sorrow.

Aone leaned down and brushed your hair out of your face so he could see your face. “Y/N? What’s wrong? I-I can always return them if you don’t like them.... it-it’s not a problem in the slightest—“

“—We need to break up, Aone.”

Freezing, Takanobu thought he hadn’t heard that.

He paused for a good ten seconds.

“W-what?” He asked, his voice cracking.

You refused to look at him.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you could say without bursting into tears. “I can explain more on a later date, but I’ve thought about it for a while, and that’s my decision.”

Aone’s heart shattered, instantly feeling like the world had been turned upside down on him. I mean sure, Aone thought maybe one day you’d realize you deserved better—but that’s why he spent every day devoting his time to treating you well so maybe you’d choose him.

He guessed he hadn’t been trying hard enough.

“I-is it something I did?” He took a deep breath. “Something I can change? Please,”

You shook your head, feeling the cold breeze of this winter night in your core. “Nothing you did. You’re amazing, Aone-san.“

“The-Then can you please reconsider—“

“No,” you choked. “Can we get off now? Please?”

Always listening to you, Aone shakingly pressed the button that let the Ferris Wheel operator know you wanted one final spin.

Which meant Aone had about 1 minute to change your mind while his whole world fell apart. He felt dizzy. He didn’t even know how he was still functioning, running on pure adrenaline, no doubt. He felt like this was another dream—no, a nightmare.

“If-if it’s something I did, Y/N, I sincerely apologize—“ He felt stupid to think you were actually enjoying yourself in a relationship with him.

You looked out into the skyline, directing your attention to the Japan night lights. The cold air quickly dried the single tear that escaped your eye.

“It’s nothing you did............” yet. Not until you realize you deserve so much better, You wanted to say.

“Then can I have one more chance? Please?”

Your boyfriend....no, ex-boyfriend threw everything he’s every heard from Futakuchi about being cool around his crush and begged for you. You were basically his world, the reason he’s truly lived a life of happiness and not just remained quiet and stoic like he used to be before you entered his life.

Aone stayed silent for a second and raked his brain for things he might have done to upset you. He couldn’t find one, but you wouldn’t do this for no reason, so he hated himself for not figuring it out.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

All too soon, the ride came to an end and you handed the gifts back to him before quickly scrambling out of the Ferris wheel.

Aone took a second to stare at the necklace and ring before stumbling out after you, feeling like there was an extra thousand pounds on his chest as you walked away from him in the dark night. You two were in the empty parking lot of the Ferris wheel.

“Y/N..... at least let me drive you home!” He yelled, dropping the heated blanket and gifts on the snow. He was in so much pain he couldn’t hold onto anything.

“I texted Kusa. She’s coming.” You called back, not daring to turn around because if you did you would just jump into his arms.

Aone couldn’t stop the tears that welled up behind his eyes. He’d never felt this level of pain before. He would choose to endure going through the pain of losing his last volleyball game in 3rd year everyday if it meant he didn’t have to feel what he was feeling now.

Before he started crying—something he hasn’t done since he was maybe 7 years old—Aone ran over to you, stepping in front of you to beg one last time.

“Y/N. Can I at least still be in your life? As fr-friends, even?” He asked heartbrokenly, unable to cope with not being anything to you anymore and going back to loving you from afar. He wouldn’t be able to handle that.

You walked around him, wiping your face of cold tears that luckily blended in with the pelting downfall of snow. “Okay.” You had to say, unable to refuse such a broken man. “Friends.”

The word friend stopped Aone where he stood. It was the last word he heard you say before he confessed to you at the bowling alley exactly a year ago, and now it was the last word he heard you say after you crushed his heart in front of a Ferris Wheel...

You kept walking further and further away from this mountain man that was so internally destroyed, he couldn’t take another step.

❄️ ❄️

It was 40 minutes later when Kenji had reached the empty Ferris Wheel lot. He saw a mountainous figure drenched in snow, its head slung down and shoulders dropped as if he was at a funeral. Kenji ran over and threw a blanket over his best friend’s shoulders, basically pushing him toward his car because he could barely move himself. On the drive, Kenji turned all of the hot air vents toward Aone so that the heat was blasting on him. The shell of a man just stared out the window like he had no purpose. Futakuchi couldn’t help but go in best-friend-protective-mode, tossing questions at him:

“I had to GPS your location after Kusa texted me! What happened?! Did Y/N break up with you, on your anniversary?! Really?! Ughhhh I knew this would happen. Aone, I’m here for you, big guy. Okay? It was me, you and the team before her, and it will be us after her, even though our season is over. I’m here. Okay? Can you please talk to me so that I know you’re okay?”

Aone didn’t answer his best friend that night, and Kenji knew it would be that way. As we all know, he is great at predicting things.

But what Kenji didn’t predict, however, was that it would be two and a half weeks until Aone would speak to anyone.... again.

❄️

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A/N: I cried several times. Would love to hear y’alls thoughts

Taglist: @crushzone @galagcica @chaichai-the-weeb @nairobiisqueen @bisasterrr @juminly

Outtake #12: CLICK HERE

[nazyalenskyism]

How You Get The Girl (Part 2)

Summary: Part 2 of a Zoyalai AU  based on ‘How You Get the Girl.’ |  Nikolai tries to win Zoya back, but she’s not going to forgive him so easily.

A/N:  Zoya's reminded of all the good times she had with Nikolai, but is it enough? Thanks for reading, feedback is always really appreciated. 

How You Get The Girl (Part 1)        “Zoya, there’s someone here for you.”

        “I’m busy,” Zoya replied distractedly, her eyes fixed on the monitor before her, “tell them I’m not here.”

        “Zoya,” her new receptionist hesitated, “I tried, but he said, ‘tell Nazyalensky I know she can spare five minutes out of her busy schedule to meet with the CEO of Ravkan Industries,’ is he delusional, should I call security?” Zoya paused. Sending security to haul Nikolai out of the firm would be funny, but it would never happen. Unfortunately he probably knew the names of all of the security guards in her high rise office and sent them Christmas cards every year. Her fingers twitched around the pen she gripped in her hand, she only had another hour before she went home, and she’d taken the day off tomorrow so that she could spend it with Genya. Undoubtedly, Nikolai was here to try to weasel his way into her evening plans.

           Well, Zoya mused, if I accept whatever outrageous proposal he has for tonight, at least I won’t have to pay for it. And, if Nikolai was serious about wanting to win her back he would try as hard as he could to do so (like he did with everything), so it would be safe to assume he would splurge on her. You don’t have to take him back, you can just make fun of him the whole night and get a free dinner out of it too. She sighed, knowing this night was already doomed to be a disaster. Whatever, disasters were always more fun to deal with when Nikolai was involved. She pressed the comms button on her desk, “send him in. Tell him he has five minutes before I call security on him. But first, put him on the DNA list.”

                                                          ***

          Nikolai grinned at Zoya’s new assistant who was clearly flustered by the situation, though she did an excellent job in appearing unphased. Zoya’s old assistant must have left while they were still in the ‘try-to-contact-me-and-I’ll-run-you-over' stage of the last few months, seeing how her new assistant, Leoni, didn't know who he was. “What’s the DNA list?” he asked, blinking confusedly when she whipped out her phone, clearly snapping a picture of him. “Are you going to pull out a few of my hairs? What would Nazyalensky even want them for?”

          Leoni looked up, “ Miss Nazyalensky said that it’s classified information, sorry.”

          Nikolai peered at her screen, she was making a poster with the image she’d just taken of him, captioned with, ‘CEO of Ravkan Industries.’ “My name is Nikolai, if that helps. Nikolai Lantsov.”

          She waved him away, “you’re free to go in now. Have a nice day. Also, watch out, she’s very good at tearing men to shreds.”

          Nikolai let out a laugh, “thank you, Miss Hilli, I’ll keep that in mind. I also happen to have it on good authority that she won’t tear me to shreds tonight.”

          “Why not?”

          “Because I think she’s been expecting me for a while.”

          “You’ll need a better line than that to win her over.”

          Nikolai pressed his knuckles to the door, “it’s me.” He heard faint grumbling he assumed was Zoya cursing him out before the door opened automatically and he sauntered into the room. “I can’t believe you forgot to tell Leoni who I was, Nazyalensky. Can you imagine the blow to my ego when she didn’t recognize me?” He slipped into the chair across from her, attempting to snatch a piece of candy from the golden bowl on her desk.

          “Hey!” she snapped, swatting his hand away without even looking up at him, “I’m sure your gigantic ego can handle it.” she continued flipping through the papers on her desk, highlighting things before turning back to her computer, never once looking at him. After 10 minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore.

          “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?”

          “You know that I know why you’re here. You just want a chance to say it out loud.”

          “Right you are, Zoya dear! Tonight, you and I are spending the night out on the town.”

          She looked at him pointedly, “and why would I agree to that?”

          “Because we’re taking my car, and I’m paying for dinner.”

          She arched a brow, “you’re driving? What, no chauffeur today?”

          Grinning, Nikolai leaned back in his chair. “Well, I’m certainly not getting into a car with you behind the wheel.”

          “I’m a good driver!” she hissed, jabbing her pen in his direction.

          “Mailboxes and terrified pedestrians beg to differ, dear.”

          “Whatever,” she huffed, “you’re not much better.”

          “You’re right about that, I’m infinitely better.”

          “Aren’t you trying to get me to agree to go out with you? Insulting me isn’t the way to do it.”

          “Come on Nazyalensky,” he smiled, “it can’t be more insufferable than going out with -- what’s his name, the guy who works across the hall -- the one I saw trying to get himself together enough to ask you out tonight? Mel? Mervin? Martin? Marcus?”

          She made a face, “I think it’s Merle?”

          “Exactly my point.”

          Zoya twisted a tendril of hair around her finger, which she usually did when thinking. “Don’t mistake my amusement for something else. I haven’t forgiven you.”

          “I didn't ask you to,” Nikolai replied softly, “I just asked for a chance. Please just let me take you out tonight Zoya. Please.” He never begged, it wasn’t in his nature, but he was willing to do whatever it took to make her look at him like she did before, like he hadn’t hurt her.

          She exhaled, “fine, but this doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

          “I know.”

          “You’ll have to wait a while, I can’t leave until I finish going through this case, it’ll take me at least another hour, maybe two.”

          “Take your time,” Nikolai said, taking out his laptop from his bag, pulling up his own work, “I can wait.”

                                                          ***

          Three hours later, it was 7 PM and Zoya had collapsed on the ground, now staring up at the ceiling from her plush rug, her case files a mess around her. Nikolai sat by the window, the light of the setting sun illuminating his features. He looks like a prince in an oil painting, she thought, and then figured that her lack of sleep plus her hunger must be making her delirious.

          “Let’s get some dinner,” Nikolai announced, suddenly standing up.

          “Lantsov, I’m too tired to go out.”

          “Fantastic, we’ll order in then.”

          “Fine, but only because I’m too tired to storm out of here and go home right now,” she grumbled, trying to blink the sleep from her eyes.

          He let out a chuckle, picking up his phone, stopping in his tracks when Zoya’s fingers shot out, wrapping around his wrist. “Wait, where are you ordering from?”

          “Tolya’s, of course,” Nikolai replied, his eyes trained on Zoya’s fingers still clutched at his wrist. She moved to pull her hand back, but he was quicker, resting his on top of hers for an extended moment, his eyes lingering on her face. She fought to keep any hint of feeling out of her features, but she knew the tops of her cheeks were pinking. How dare he affect her this way. It was the first time they’d touched this way in months and Zoya hated how her chest constricted the longer he looked at her, the longer that his fingers brought warmth to her. She pulled out of his grasp, trying to clear her mind, deciding to settle on scooping up case files from the ground so that she could free herself from his piercing gaze. Nikolai turned towards the window, the city lights masking his face from her as he ordered from their friend’s restaurant.

          She had missed this, just a bit, she could admit that much to herself. She had missed Nikolai’s ability to make others feel at ease, to make them laugh, and trust him. To want to lay their faith in them. She had missed the press of his fingers and those intelligent hazel eyes that never missed a thing, that could read her like an open book. Those eyes that were now back on her, Nikolai’s hand warm in hers as she took his offering hand to pull her up.

          “Tolya said he’d personally deliver the order to the lobby, is that okay?” She nodded dazedly in response, picking up her bag and heading following him out the door, halting by her receptionist’s desk.           “Leoni,” Zoya said, feeling breathless as she ran a hand through her hair, “why are you still here? You know you don’t have to stay a minute past 6.”

          “Oh,” Leoni said carefully, “I know, I was busy and forgot the time.”

          Zoya frowned, moving around to Leoni’s side of the desk, “what were you working on? Everything but the Brekker case is closed and I just started it.”

          “These biscuits are so tasty, Leoni. Are you sure it’s okay if I take the whole box?” the man who was mumbling through a cookie halted in his tracks as Zoya whirled on him incredulously.

          “Adrik Zhabin, what the hell are you doing here?”

          “I--”

          “You know Zoya?” Leoni interjected.

          “Well, funny story--”

          “Does he know me? He’s my friend’s little brother! Are you,” she jabbed an accusatory finger at Adrik, “flirting with my receptionist?”

          Adrik flushed as Leoni smiled at him affectionately, “no, I’m just driving her home.”

          Zoya raised an eyebrow, “I have my eye on you Zhabin. You better just be ‘driving her home.’ Does your sister know about this?” She yanked her cellphone out of her purse, nearly dropping it when Nikolai placed his hand on top of hers.

          “Nazyalensky, leave him alone.”

          “But--”

          “Zoya”

          “Fine,” she huffed, putting her phone away, “Adrik, I’ve already lost one receptionist thanks to Mal Oretsev, you better watch yourself.”

          “Yes ma’am,” Adrik said grumpily, avoiding eye contact with Nikolai as Leoni led him out the door, his hand tight in hers.

          Nikolai waited until they were out of sight before turning to Zoya, “Can I walk you home, Nazyalensky?”

          He got an eye roll in return, “if you want to waste your night, go ahead, but I’m planning on taking my share of dinner and going back to my place.”

          “Fantastic .”

          “Fantastic,” she muttered.

                                                            ***

          “I forgot how short you are without heels,” Nikolai teased as Zoya collapsed next to him on the picnic blanket, her glare bleary but cutting all the same. The sun was slowly setting, and the riverside was quiet, the only noise being the occasional conversations from those on the pathways. Dinner had been fairly quiet, they were too hungry to talk and Tolya’s food was far too good to not eat it quickly. Or at least that’s what she assumed Nikolai’s logic was, she knew her own reasons for refraining from chatting away with Nikolai, as easy as she knew the old habit would be to fall into.

          “I’m six inches shorter than you, Nikolai, you’re not as tall as you think you are.”

          “Anything shorter than me is short.”

          “Ugh, I don’t care. I’m too tired and stuffed to deal with you,” she pushed his cheek away with her hand, closing her eyes as he laid down next to her, their hands nearly touching but not quite.

          There was a long silence and for a moment Zoya thought Nikolai had fallen asleep, but then he spoke up, “do you remember how we used to come down here on the weekends?”

          Zoya pushed down the urge to look over at him, “yes.”

          “When you used to sit up here with your giant textbooks and chunky glasses.”

          “My glasses were sleek and fashionable.”

          “You remember 6 A.M. on Saturday mornings very differently than I do.”

          She jammed her elbow into his side, his wheezing laugh making her shake her head. “With your back to back rowing and sailing practice, I had a lot of time to study.”

          “Yeah, but you always found the time to cheer me on. Every time I looked up, you would be waving back. In the team rooms on campus, half of my pictures on the wall were ones you took after practice.” The pictures in frames, she knew were all the ones he had said he loved, where her bright lipstick stained his cheeks. It had been so easy to forget her hurt this afternoon as they worked quietly, side by side, when they joked as if nothing had happened, but this reminiscing was too much, it brought back all the wrong memories.

          “Young Zoya had a habit of getting herself caught up in things that wasted her time when she shouldn’t have.” The words were harsh, they left a bitter taste in her mouth but she couldn’t hold them in. How many nights had she spent, curled up in bed, simply wanting answers as to why Nikolai had walked out of her life with no explanation. She hated to admit that she had been searching for love her whole life, love from a mother and mentor who saw her as nothing more than a means to their own ends. Love from a father who was too afraid to stand up for himself, for her. She had found it once, and she thought that with Nikolai she had found it again. How wrong she was.

          “I know you don’t believe me, Zoya, but I never meant to hurt you.”

          “You don’t know what I believe,” she whispered, horrified at how her eyes burned. She shut them tighter still, “I know that you left because you were trying to protect me. Because you thought it was your fault and you wanted to fix things, because you always want to fix things.” Nikolai was quiet and so she continued, six months of pent up words tumbling out. “You made me feel safe, you made me believe that you wouldn’t leave. I let myself fall for your charms again and again, I won’t let myself be fooled so easily again.” She felt tears leak from the corners of her eyes, even in this moment where all she wanted to do was yell at him, she felt safe enough to tell him the truth of how she felt. Damn him.

          “I wasn’t trying to trick you, not you, never you.” Nikolai’s voice was thick and she knew that if she looked over at him, she would see tears in his eyes too.

          “I tried so hard to hate you. I really did. But then you called every day, you sent me those letters, all the flowers, why couldn’t you just tell me the truth from the start? You know I would’ve understood. I would’ve helped.”

          “I’ve told you how bad my family is, but they’re truly horrible. I couldn’t think of a way to fix the situation without ruining your life, if they knew you existed, they would’ve made it hell. I should’ve told you before I did any of it, but I was a coward. It was easier to leave first and explain later. I didn’t want to watch your heart break,” his voice broke on the last word and Zoya pressed her palm to her mouth, trying to push back a sob.

          Nikolai’s hand brushed against hers on the picnic blanket and she grasped it tightly, needing something to hold onto as silent sobs racked her body. He didn’t try to reach out or comfort her, he knew she didn’t want that, that she didn’t need it. Despite all that, she let herself break in that moment, surrendering to an all too familiar comfort, the press of his hand against hers. Zoya took one deep breath, then another, until she felt grounded, swiping at the tears that still lingered on her cheeks. She stood up abruptly, gathering her things as quickly as she could, without looking back at him. Zoya needed to get out of here, her head was still swimming with a thousand emotions she couldn’t try to detangle, and she refused to fall into Nikolai’s arms again because she let her emotions get the best of her. He didn’t try to stop her.

[daydream-believin]

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (waffles)

summary: (part 1) or (part 5) <- reader joins douxie on his quest to protect nari. he’ll need company wont he. (part 6) do you like waffles? also appalachia and nj trollmarket fun. next-> (part 7)

warnings: swearing, fem! reader, maybe an alcohol mention, proof reading is for squares yo

word count: 3875

a/n: i’m sorry to anyone from PA but wtf. i also have no idea why this turned out the way it did. bon apetit.

no gif im trying to test something

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Y/n looked over at Douxie. The blue of his hair was starting to fade into a duller hue. While not as bright and bold as his personality, it was still very nice to look at. This muted blue was softer, almost comforting in a way. Y/n found herself running her fingers through it. It wasn’t just the color that was soft. Like feathers in her hand, she gently caressed the strands. The duller color made him look tired, older, and the permanent bags under his eyes didn’t help. She placed her hand on his face and ran her thumb over a said eye bag. He gave her a very subdued smile in return. His sunken eyes were so beautiful. Her favorite color. Or colors, one should say. They were like an earth toned opal. Y/n’s hand drifted down his face. She used her thumb to explore his cheekbones, tracing constellations in his freckles, and finally settled on his mouth, tracing his cupid’s bow. Douxie couldn’t help but break the stoic face he was trying to hold.

“As much as I hate to ask this, and I really do, but will you please cease what you’re doing, My Love. I’m trying to drive here.”

“Yes, I would also like to ask you to stop, miss L/n. Not wrecking the ship is worth you canning your pda for a while.” Archie added.

Y/n pulled her hand back and exaggeratedly pouted. She teasingly stuck her tongue out at Archie for good measure, but couldn’t help but dissolve into a snicker right after so it wasn’t very effective. But really, it wasn’t her fault that Douxie’s beautifully sculpted face was right there and demanding to be touched. She tried to distract herself by focusing on the scenery around them. North Pennsylvania was delightful, so it’d be a shame if she spent the whole time that they flew through it looking at nothing but Douxie. There was plenty of time for her to do that the rest of her life. It’s not like she didn’t have every freckle memorized already. Every single adorable little dot. Right, Pennsylvania. Appalachia. Y/n was a little disappointed they didn’t manage to go through West Virginia, being as north as they were. She really wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Country roads.

The mountains were hard to transverse through, so Douxie took the boat up high in the clouds. A little too high. The oxygen was thin. While this didn’t affect Archie the dragon or Nari the plant goddess, Douxie and Y/n were getting a bit woozy. Neither would get altitude sickness to the point of dying, thanks to that good ol’ curse of immortality, but their minds weren’t exactly operating at high speeds here. They passed through a low hanging cloud in a puff of fog.

Though they were over it, just being in the range of Appalachia felt odd. There was a presence that clung to the mountains. Even flying high up in the air, one felt as though they were being watched. Like the thousand eyes of the forest were upon them. Looking down below, hanging over the edge like Douxie hated her to do, Y/n saw a herd of deer that might as well be ants. Watching over the herd was a bigger, or maybe closer, stag on a peak of some sort. His antlers were covered in crimson. Y/n hoped he was just shedding.

There were pathways cutting through the trees below, some roads, some manmade trails, some rivers, some troll trails, and some deer trails. Some that wound around in endless curves, some that seemed to start from nowhere and stop at nothing, some that went round and round in a circle, and some that crossed over each other, effectively creating a maze of sorts. Y/n didn’t know why, but she was glad she was above the trees and not in them. Something within her gut told her that as beautiful as the scenery was, she did not wish to experience it first-hand. The deer below were beautiful, but there was something not quite right about them. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to turn down a game of ninepins either, and she could really go for a drink.

Douxie’s brain may have been foggy, but he could certainly see Y/n hanging over the edge again, tantalizing him. He couldn’t help but imagine 174 ways for it to end badly. He’d been pretty passive about this before but now that they were so high up, he had no choice but to be up front now.

“Y/n, My Love,” Y/n turned her attention to him, which also pulled her weight more towards the boat than the sky. Good. “do you mind being back near the center of the ship? I really don’t like you draping yourself over the railing like that.”

Y/n was getting sick and tired of people always trying to keep her away from edges, advising her not to climb the mountain, telling her to stay inside when there was only a light rainstorm. She could handle it. She wasn’t a fucking porcelain doll. She was not wearing a fancy gown that suffocated her, she could speak, her lips were not perfectly painted on. And she wouldn’t shatter. “Relax, Dewdrop. I’m fine. I’m not just gonna go skydiving for kicks. If anyone has had a penchant for falling through the sky recently, it’s been you, Hisirdoux. I can catch myself with anti-gravity spells, like you taught me. Besides, we walk across tall, crumbly, ancient non-osha compliant walkways all the time. You never had a problem then.”

“Well,” He huffed, “it would be one thing if I was there next to you, but I’m not, so could you please just try to stay safe when I can’t reach you?” Y/n was taken about at how quick his tone went from annoyed to desperate. She furrowed her brows. Doux sighed, “Look, it frightens me, okay. I know that nothing will happen, but what if it does? I can’t- I can’t lose you.” His tone got even feebler in his pleading. “And there’s so many ways to lose you. Especially with the Order on our tails. Please, just give me this peace of mind for at least one thing.”

Y/n stepped away from the railing, crossing over to Douxie. He opened his arm and she nestled into his side. Pressing her head against his chest, she mumbled, “Absolutely. I’ll just—I’ll just stay here then. Next to you. I’m sorry I worried you. That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. “Thank you, My Darling.”

~ ~ ~

The dipped down south to go through the top of Maryland and completely through Delaware to get to the south of New Jersey, in place of just going through Philadelphia. The city of brotherly love was not on the itinerary.  Philly, and the top of New Jersey, were just too densely populated to take a magic boat through. The airspace was filled with airplanes and skyscrapers. It was easier to go the roundabout way.

As they passed between Philly and Lancaster, they went by fantastically named towns such as Paradise the city, where the girls are pretty, Bird In Hand, Blue Ball, and Intercourse. Stellar. Y/n was starting to really like Pennsylvania. It was cursed ground. She made sure to get photographic evidence of every road sign. Douxie was happy to pose with them.

They took a pit stop in a town called Peach Bottom before leaving Pennsylvania. Y/n wanted to go through New Texas, since she was curious how somewhere in the original colonies could be a new Texas, but Nari could sense a river nearby, and wanted to seek it out. Peach Bottom. It was a cozy little town with a power plant that was dumping it’s waste into the riverside it was built on. Toxic river. Fun. Y/n made Douxie explain to Nari why she couldn’t get near the river or touch any of the water. Y/n wouldn’t have been able to stay as calm as Douxie could. There was nothing happening in the rural Pennsylvanian town. Nothing special about it unless you counted their countless nuclear admissions. The locals didn’t care for strangers, and that was alright with them cause they didn’t want to be here for any more than necessary for a restroom break. Dinner could wait.

The top of Maryland was great. Lots of rivers to make it up to Nari. There was just, an incredibly large walmart near the line. Just absolutely humongous whopper walmart. A leach whose name doesn’t even deserve to be capitalized, thank you very much autocorrect.

It took less than half an hour to fly right through the top of Delaware. Hi Delaware, bye Delaware.

Soon they were on the coast of south New Jersey, headed for a sleepy town called Monty. Monty was a town along the Cohansey, split across it with quite an impressive bridge between the two sides. As soon as the bridge became visible on the skyline, Y/n grabbed Douxie’s sleeve and tugged excitedly. She looked up at him with a big smile. Rest. At last, they were going to get to rest. Y/n made herself busy calling Jim to let him know that they were there so he could call someone else to let them know that they were there and to wait by the entrance for them. Neither Douxie nor Y/n had a horngazzle on them at the moment. Y/n had had one in her possession back in Arcadia, being book club buddies with Blinky, but alas that was destroyed along with their bookstore.

They hid that damn magic boat in the forest. While they did plan on staying with the trolls for a few weeks, Douxie didn’t put it back in its glass bottle quite yet, cause they were in fact taking it into New York not tomorrow but the next day. He covered the ground around it with a few more wards than necessary. Y/n threw up an illusion spell around it, as she had been all the other times they’d just left it in the woods, and thought the wards were overkill but didn’t say anything. They started on the trek to the base of the bridge.

The troll at the entrance greeted them cordially. He was a dark green color, with two massive horns resembling those of a longhorn cow, chiseled stone tattoos, and no clothes other than a tiny loincloth which made everyone but Nari uncomfortable. He let them in with flourish, as if he’d always wanted to do this and practiced it.

“Welcome to NEW JERSEY TROLLMARKET.”

Y/n was surprised at how well the town had come along within the two months the trolls had occupied the cavern. It wasn’t the Trollmarket she had known, there was no Blinky and no library, but still marvelous. The new hearthstone glowed warmly, very much alive and not making zombies. While looking pretty similar to the old Trollmarket, with a multitude of shops and homes carved into the mineral covered walls and formations, there was a sort of human touch to it now. Claire definitely had a hand in the planning and maybe the decorative features too. Or perhaps Jim. Y/n wouldn’t put it past the boy to be the one who designed the very elaborate crystal art flower bed she was looking at. Or that weirdly steampunk bridge. Funny thing, a bridge under a bridge.

Dictatious met them soon after they came in to show them around and to where they would be staying. The tour he gave them basically just included him walking them through the main street, waving his arms to various places and vaguely saying that they were shops but not what they sold, pointing out the pub, and then took them straight to their accommodations. Since the home that had been occupied by Blinky, Jim, and Claire was now empty, they’d be staying there, with the place practically to themselves. Dictatious also lived in said home, but rarely stuck around it for long now that his brother was gone.

“Alright, here’s your nest.”

Since Dictatious still slept in the nest that he shared with Blinky, he had given them Jim and Claire’s. The nests were just rocky bowls carved into the floor of the room, with a few comfort items. Thankfully, Jim and Claire had left theirs full of pillows and a couple thick cushions they must have taken from a couch. Unconventional, but better than sleeping on literal solid rock. Speaking of couches, there were way too many couches spread across the apartment. This entire place only had two rooms, a large living area and a nestroom, and yet there were five couches. Not to mention the extra-large easy chair Dic was currently lounging in. Okay, so one of said couches was technically a love seat, but still. There was no kitchen, which was surprising due to this being Jim Lake Jr’s home, and no table besides the one that three of the sofas were gathered around and a paper-covered work desk against a corner. There were glowing crystal lamps all throughout, lighting the house. All in all, interesting interior design decisions. The kids had definitely been trying to make it a more homey human dwelling but had limited options.

Nari nestled into the nest, happy that there were no blankets to smother her. Not even a minute passed and she was out like a light. Douxie and Y/n sat on one of the couches in the nestroom, watching the veggie lady snooze. Archie made himself comfy in Douxie’s lap, who absent mindedly stroked his familiar’s fur. They were underground now. Surrounded by inorganic matter. Some of that inorganic matter could fight, would be willing to fight, would probably be disappointed if there wasn’t a fight. The little devil on Douxie’s shoulder wasn’t really having to work hard. His stomach growled. They had opted to just not stop for dinner in favor of plowing right through their trip route. It was late, and dark, and Douxie really just wanted them to have a roof over their head before midnight. And now they did.

He looked over at Y/n. They had been a couple for an entire day now and he had yet to take her on a proper date. What a bad boyfriend he was. It’s not like Archie would want to come with them or anything either, since he filled himself with birds that didn’t know what hit them while they traveled. The dragon had even caught a hawk at one point, which wasn’t as impressive as it sounds, since Archie was a much faster flyer. He would be happy to watch Nari for them, surely. And Dic had given them a horngazzle so they could come and go as they pleased. It was settled then.

“Arch, watch Nari for us, please, we’ll be back in a pinch,” He grabbed Y/n’s hand to pull her off the couch, “C’mon, My Love, we’re going on a date.”

~ ~ ~

Turns out the only thing open past midnight in small town New Jersey was a waffle house. The perfect date. Y/n had thought it funny to watch Douxie try and deactivate all the fresh wards he had put around the boat. He had to be careful where he put his feet, and it was like he was doing a silly little dance. Ward trap ballet of his own barely thought-out design. At one point he stepped backwards to admire his work, triggering the ward behind him, and Y/n had to free him from the net. Lucky it was just a net one.

Entering the waffle house, they slid into the nearest booth, the one near the jukebox. They ordered what else but waffles. The food of kings and hungover college kids. Not just plain waffles, though. Douxie got chocolate chip and Y/ got strawberry, and they were going to combine them to make chocolate covered strawberry waffles. Everyone knows chocolate covered strawberries were the most romantic food, why else would they push them so hard around Valentine’s.

Douxie leaned in with his head in his hand. “So, tell me about yourself.”

Y/n laughed, decided to play into this bit. “Oh, I’m just a California lass, on her way to New York. Things have been crazy lately. Went to a very convincing renaissance faire, I’m harboring a fugitive, my roommate keeps hitting on me. Very stressful.  Sure am lucky I came across you, Mr. Handsome.”

“Lucky indeed.” Doux snickered.

Y/n pointed to the jukebox behind Doux, which he twisted around to see. “Have you ever heard ‘Last Night I Saw Elvis At Waffle House’?”

“No?”

“Oh, it’s a banger.” She got out of the booth and put a coin in the juke, making her selection. She slid back in with a Cheshire cat grin and Doux was kind of scared now, actually. As the current song ended and the song that they were waiting for began. Well, it was a song. About seeing Elvis in a waffle house. With a country tune he supposed someone thought was catchy in order for them to have recorded this. Douxie didn’t know what he had expected.

“Uh, wow.”

“Yeah, Ain’t it something. I loved this song when I was knee high to a grasshopper. All the waffle house jams really.”

“Your aunt let someone bring you to a waffle house? That’s not very proper.” Douxie chuckled.

“Oh, no, actually. Um, this was before my dad passed and my mother, ah, slipped.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Douxie rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I mentioned it.”

“No, no. I’m fine Dewdrop. I can talk about it, really. And, like you said the other day, I’ve been focusing on the Now Love.” The silly waffle house themed song was still playing despite the air of seriousness that had fallen over the duo. It helped keep Y/n from getting too sad and dwelling on the memories she had just brought up. It was comical, really. A waffle house song keeping her grounded. She rubbed the palm of Douxie’s hand. “I still mourn my family, but it’s been so long that the pain’s but a dull ache now. As long as I don’t think too hard about it. If anyone knows about mourning it’d be you, Doux. I can’t imagine meeting hundreds of friends over my lifetime just to watch them all grow old and die while you just have to go on living.” She paused, eyes drifting downwards, “But I suppose that’ll be my fate anyways.”

Douxie reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s actually not that bad, once you get used to it. You just have to enjoy every bit of time you get. That’s what makes other magic friends so valuable, there are some permanent players on your team.” He let his hand linger under her jaw, pulling her face closer to his, “You have me. We have each other. We’re family. We always have been.”

“So I hate to interrupt, but, waffles.” The server put the plates she had been holding down onto the table. Douxie and Y/n pulled away from each other quick as lightning, sitting up straight in their seats. “Again, sorry guys.”

“Thank you.” The two chorused to their fleeting form in embarrassment. Their faces were fire engine red. Archie was right, they did get a little carried away with the pda. It may have been 12:28am in a waffle house but they were still in public. Grabby hands needed to be kept to themselves.

After dinner, neither Doux nor Y/n could bring themselves to go home quite yet, despite the nagging feeling to return to Nari. They loitered around woods, unsure of what to do. Leaning against the parked boat, Douxie got an idea. He put on the music on his phone, turning the volume all the way up and positioning it so it’d put out a better sound the best he could. The playlist he selected was actually the one he had of songs that reminded him of his beloved. Copying what Y/n had done last night, he held out his hand.

“Come on, dance with me, My Darling.”

Douxie twirled Y/n around in the night breeze that blew through the trees. This song was much faster than the one they danced to last time, and there was more energy between them. Y/n’s laugh echoed through the forest. This was a lot of fun, she could do it all night. Honestly, she could do anything all night if it was with Douxie. He lifted her up, like she weighed nothing. Seriously, how strong was this noodle armed wizard. She threw her arms around his neck, looking down to meet his eyes, a rare thing. Y/n kissed his nose, eliciting a happy giggle from his mouth.

He should have put her back down by now. Instead, he still held her up, transfixed by her face ringed in moonlight, like a halo. She noticed the awestruck look on his face, kissing him properly, yet it did nothing to pull him out of his stupor. He had one thought running over and over in his mind. Marry me. But, he couldn’t say that. A proposal had to be special, not after a waffle house date. Their first date, mind you. He couldn’t possibly jus-

“Marry me, Dewdrop?”

Well apparently he couldn’t but she absolutely could.

It took him a moment to take in her words, shocked out of his overthinking. The biggest grin spread across his face as he giddily spun her around in his arms. He finally put her feet back on the ground, crashing his lips into hers. Y/n brought a hand up to drag through his hair and left the other to slide down his back. No battle for dominance, Douxie’s tongue was definitely the one leading here. He just couldn’t believe it. It was if she had read his mind. It was still hard for him to believe she wanted him in the first place, but this much? If this was the afterlife he must surely be in heaven. One makeout session later, Y/n rasped “So I’m guessing that’s a yes?”

“Let’s sign the papers tomorrow.”

~ ~ ~

Despite the uneasy feeling they had both had about leaving Nari alone for so long, she was perfectly fine. In fact she hadn’t even moved an inch form the spot they left her in. Like they never left at all. Archie was asleep on that couch, as peaceful as ever. They’d tell him the news in the morning.

Y/n climbed into the nest and dragged Douxie down with her. After getting comfy on the array of cushions, he opened his arms and she nestled into his chest. She could feel his hands rest on her back. Perfect. It was calming, listening to his heartbeat, being lulled to sleep with the rhythm that gave proof that her beloved was alive. A steady beat that reassured her he was there, he was there. He wouldn���t leave her again.

*** check notes for chapter illustrations lmao

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in June

Now I think I’m comfortably in a rhythm to get these posts out. For one, I’m writing up short reviews either straight after watching a movie or sometimes it might take a few days. But June was a fairly good month in terms of the amount of films I watched. I got to go to the cinema quite a bit which is always fun. Anyway, let’s get on with it! If you’re looking for something good to watch (or maybe even something bad), I hope this list can help in some way to introduce you to new and different movies that maybe you’ve never heard of, or were thinking of checking out. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 30th of June 2021.

Bo Burnham: Inside (2021) - 10/10 Everyone was going off about how great this film is. An hour and a half of Bo Burnham in lockdown, singing songs and being upset is definitely a powerful hook and I have to agree with the general consensus because Inside blew me away. More thoughts on this in my podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon episode 34.

Bo Burnham: Make Happy (2016) - 7/10 After watching Inside, I figured I’d rewatch some of Burnham’s older stand-up shows on Netflix. Make Happy is a lot of fun, injected with a lot of introspection from Burnham that really makes the special stand out, despite a lot of gags that just didn’t land for me.

Bo Burnham: What. (2013) - 6/10 It’s plain to see just how much Bo Burnham has grown over the years and how he has honed his comedy and music. ‘What.’ is a good stepping stone in the comedian’s career, showcasing loads of promise in him from a young age. There are some jokes that haven’t aged as well and some that straight up dragged, but overall the show is still enjoyable.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) - 3/10 Packed theatre for this one, obviously. People love a Conjuring movie, and I’d also say people love a good scare… but this movie isn’t scary, or good for that matter. More thoughts on episode 35 of the podcast.

The Conjuring (2013) - 6/10 After the horrendously disappointing debacle that was the third Conjuring movie, I decided to watch James Wan’s original movie and man, if this wasn’t better in literally every way. I don’t tend to love James Wan movies but I can’t deny he’s got so much talent in how he makes movies and it makes The Conjuring a lot more fun to see competent filmmaking in the horror genre in a way that actually creates an eerie atmosphere with creative uses of camera-work and editing.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - 8/10 Normally I’m not big into the old slasher movies. I appreciate that for the time, perhaps they hit differently, but now I just don’t tend to connect with them. Wes Craven’s ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ is a bit of an exception. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not particularly scary, though it does employ a lot of interesting techniques and designs. Undeniably, the design for Fred Krueger is a staple in cinema, with the striped jumper, hat, scarred face and knives for fingers not leaving the mind of the general public any time soon. Elm Street doesn’t have too many kills but when it does, it is so effective and fun to watch. Craven was one of the greats, truly.

One Cut of the Dead (2017) - 8/10 This has to be one of the most engaging zombie movies I’ve seen in a long time. There’s a lot to spoil with One Cut of The Dead but I won’t go into that here. It is clever and funny, subverting expectations in ways I really didn’t expect. I really cannot recommend it enough.

Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - 8/10 Since we’re watching Chappelle's Show for episode 45 of the podcast, I wanted to get an idea for what I was in for, so I watched Dave Chappelle’s stand-up show from a couple of years ago. Yeah, really funny, which I suppose is what you want from a stand-up special, but what makes it better is Chappelle’s commentary on the world at large and how he’s able to combine humour with intelligent criticism.

Fear(s) of the Dark (2008) - 4/10 A few years ago I think I watched this animated black and white anthology film on a New Year's Day when I had foolishly decided to pull an all-nighter and then go out with mates for ice cream. Never again. But I’d forgotten what I thought of this movie and decided to get the DVD for cheap on eBay. Perhaps I am doomed to watch Fear(s) of the Dark only when I am tired because I popped this on when it was nearing midnight. I was lucid enough to understand what I was watching though… and it was quite boring. These short films emulate the filmmakers’ nightmares - an interesting premise in theory, but pretty weak on execution.

The Bourne Identity (2002) - 3/10 We marathoned the first three Bourne movies for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, episode 36 so check that out for my expanded thoughts on this, the best Bourne of the three.

The Bourne Supremacy (2004) - 2/10 Immediately after, we did the deep dive into Supremacy, the second Bourne and the worst of the three (albeit by a very slim margin). Check out episode 36 for more.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - 2/10 I really couldn’t care less about these terrible movies. It was a horrible chore to sit through them. Ultimatum was also rubbish. More gripes and discussion in episode 36 of the podcast.

The Father (2021) - 10/10 Another trip to the cinema for this masterpiece. I tried very hard not to sob loudly in the theatre where aside from myself, the audience totalled three people. More discussion of The Father in episode 36 the podcast.

Drag Me To Hell (2009) - 2/10 I’m pretty shocked that Sam Raimi directed this. Usually when I watch one of his films, I can see his staple of fun gore, practical effects, crazy camera movements… but there was none of that here. It just felt like a really bad horror, indistinguishable from the regular affair, with no personality or passion. Drag Me To Hell might even have been one of those movies I’d avoided in the past when I was younger because it seemed too scary but no, it was just boring and bad and I feel like there’s something I’m not getting out of this that other people seem to be.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) - 8/10 At this point, I feel I have to admit Wes Anderson as perhaps my second favourite director. His movies are just so nice and beautiful to watch. Moonrise Kingdom is a quirky love story between two kids and honestly, with any other director, could have been handled poorly because the story is quite simple. But Anderson injects so much of his signature style and personality into the film. A powerhouse of actors with the likes of Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis and Tilda Swinton, among a few of Anderson’s regulars, make Moonrise Kingdom a breeze. Good for a dark day to lift the spirits.

Nobody (2021) - 8/10 I needed something to fill an otherwise uneventful day, so I hopped on a bus and booked a ticket for Ilya Naishuller’s new action movie, Nobody. The film started and to my annoyance, the lights in the theatre were still on. When I go to the cinema I don’t really want to see the other people sitting around me, so I got up from my seat, abandoning the first two minutes of the film to find a member of staff to turn the lights off. After showing them that the lights were in fact still on, I took to my seat and watched the movie for what felt like a little while before the lights went off. Nobody is a really fun action movie. Perhaps similar in a lot of ways to John Wick, but with more personality to the main character. More thoughts on episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) - 8/10 After procuring the Criterion blu-ray from my local hmv, I delved into all the supplements it had to offer, including a making-of documentary, chats with the director, and a gallery of polaroid pictures from when they were shooting the film in India. The Darjeeling Limited is perhaps not peak Wes Anderson, but I do kind of love it. It makes me want to go on a journey to another country with my brother and sister, perhaps in ten to fifteen years. Here, the main characters are three brothers who travel to India seeking some kind of spiritual experience. Things don’t seem to work out that way, however, because I’m not sure how spiritual an experience you can have when you plan out an itinerary to schedule it. Fantastic performances all round and of course, beautiful direction and cinematography.

Face/Off (1997) - 3/10 Was I supposed to laugh? Maybe I was just too tired but I really couldn’t stand Face/Off. It didn’t feel particularly special and despite a couple of fun ideas, it was mostly quite boring.

Luca (2021) - 5/10 The new Pixar movie leaves a lot to be desired. The animation is really second to none and I can’t fault how beautiful the movie looks, more so when it’s set in this little Italian town than under the sea. The story is so uninspired though, with the basic premise being that the protagonists want a Vespa so they enter a competition to win the money to buy one. Also they’re fish that turn into people on dry land. Maybe that’s enough for some people, but I couldn’t shake the familiarity of Luca. It never went in any interesting directions and basically did exactly what I figured it would do. I don’t believe it’s out here to subvert expectations but I would like some creativity when it comes to the writing. Perhaps if I watched it again, I might like it less. It was pretty dull.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002) - 10/10 I’m a little disappointed with the Criterion blu-ray for Punch-Drunk love. It’s supplements host a couple of low-quality deleted scenes that were clearly deleted for a reason, and some weird artsy music videos that incorporated footage from the movie. I was quite shocked at how low-effort it all seemed. The movie itself is fantastic though and I do believe it to be Adam Sandler’s best performance (and I really liked Uncut Gems). He portrays a man who is constantly put down by his family, clearly has some kind of social disability, and on top of it all he’s getting scammed by a sex line. Amongst all this, he’s trying to navigate a new relationship and it’s so sweet to watch all the interactions between Sandler and Emily Watson. It’s a perfect melding of romance, comedy and anxiety, beautifully directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.

Fargo (1996) - 9/10 Another movie you wouldn’t expect to be so funny, especially since it’s based on this horrific true story about murder, deceit and money. But the Coen brothers know how to handle it. Excellent performances, beautiful colour palette, and a story that just gets more and more insane as it goes.

House (1977) - 7/10 House (or, Hausu) was a recommendation for episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast so check that out for more discussion. Generally speaking, this Japanese horror/comedy was bonkers. Insanely creative and abstract (which at points can detriment the film) with an almost Balamory-esque presentation. I was happy to find that the comedy was not lost on me at all; this is a hilarious film, albeit maybe not all the time.

The Princess Bride (1987) - 10/10 I reviewed this in my May wrap-up but this time around, I had recommended The Princess Bride for the podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 37. It all clicked this time around. It is such a fun, warm movie with a lot of laughs and superb production.

This Is Spinal Tap (1984) - 8/10 Another Rob Reiner joint, a few years before The Princess Bride. This Is Spinal Tap is lauded as a masterpiece in comedic cinema and I might agree; this movie is hilarious. Shot in mockumentary fashion, it follows a band playing shows and trying to get gigs, coupled with the inevitable screw-ups of live performance and creative disagreements. It lost me every now and again but it’s still a must-watch.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) - 6/10 A decent Disney flick but certainly not their best. One highlight includes the villain singing a lament about wanting to have sex with Esmerelda and calling her a witch for giving him a boner.

Ponyo (2008) - 4/10 Not sure if I’ve ever disliked a Miyazaki movie before but I did not vibe with Ponyo. It came across as very baby and as such, there really wasn’t much to read into. The animation is fantastic as always but so much of it felt specifically tailored to a younger crowd.

Roman Holiday (1953) - 9/10 Classic romance at its best. I had heard on a podcast that this was the sexiest movie the guest had ever seen and while maybe not in the traditional sense of the word, I do get where they’re coming from. I was tearing up with just how lovely it all was, following a princess who runs away and spends the day with a man she meets in Rome (where it was shot on location), doing all the things she’s wanted to do but never could because of royal responsibilities. Fantastic performances from Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck who sell the chemistry of the characters so well.

F9 (2021) - 2/10 I’ve never seen any of the Fast & Furious movies and after watching the ninth in the series, I don’t want to. This is basically the Vin Diesel show; we watch him drive cars fast and punch people a lot. Wow! I don’t really understand what it (and forgive the pun) driving people to see these movies if they’re all in this same vein. As far as I can tell, F9 is the goofiest of the series so far and I’ll admit I had a chuckle or two at some of the truly implausible moments, such as a part where one of the team gets shot by about ten men with machine guns, yet manages to kill them all without being affected by the bullets… but overall, in this two-and-a-half-hour experience, I was largely bored.

Shaolin Soccer (2001) - 7/10 I love this movie! Shaolin Soccer is so much fun; it is goofy and out there and completely crazy, all by design. Steven Chow knew what he was making when he set out to craft this insane story of a group of guys using Kung-Fu to play football. The basic story itself is nothing new but it’s elevated by the infectious comedy and implausibility of what’s happening. Balls are kicked into space and across fields so fast the very ground is torn asunder. A man eats an egg off a dirty shoe. This is cinema.

Casino Royale (2006) - 7/10 I had seen a trailer at the cinema for the new Bond movie and I have to say, I’ve never really given 007 the time of day, aside from a few of the very first movies I’d tried watching a while ago. But the new trailer kind of got me hyped, so I wanted to watch all of the Craig era Bond movies, starting with Casino Royale. I had a great time! Even though there’s not loads of fighting or weapons or fast cars, the meat of the movie actually comes from this poker game Bond is playing against the villain, played brilliantly by Mads Mikkelsen. I was surprised to witness a bit of cock-and-ball torture in this 12-rated movie but I would be lying if I said it didn’t stick with me.

Quantum of Solace (2008) - 5/10 Immediately after Casino Royale, I jumped into the second of Daniel Craig’s Bond movies, Quantum of Solace. Sadly it’s quite weak, with not much going on aside from the general Bond fare. Mathieu Amalric’s villain lacked a lot of menace or motivation and generally, I’m not super worried about a brilliant story in a Bond movie, but even the action felt weak in this. Quantum of Solace didn’t exactly upset me but it failed to wow me in any way either. The saving grace of the movie is certainly Daniel Craig as the hero, capturing Bond and what he’s supposed to be.

Skyfall (2012) - 6/10 A marked improvement from its predecessor, Sam Mendes helms Skyfall, Craig’s third outing as Bond. Skyfall delves into Bond’s past as he seems to be slipping a bit, not as much the expert operative he once was. It would have been nice to see more of his fall from grace, as they don’t really show us how he’s become less efficient as much as they give other characters expository dialogue telling us how he drinks and does drugs and is haunted by childhood trauma. For me, that’s where the meat of the story lies and I would have preferred more of a character piece if indeed they were delving into that side of the character anyway. That being said, the fights are still better choreographed than the last instalment and the colour grading and scenery is often very visually interesting. Everything in Skyfall is better than its predecessor and it’s surely thanks to Sam Mendes who does a great job at directing.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Another go round for Howl's Moving Castle, as this was a recommendation for my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. My opinion, I feel, is unchanged. It's a fantastic film, and you can listen to more of what I have to say in episode 37. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 - 3/10 A pretty poor end to a poor series of movies. I'm surprised I've watched the Twilight movies as many times as I have but I also know I'll watch them again. Part 2 I watched with the YMS commentary track on YouTube which, again made the experience a lot better. But otherwise the series seemed to get better as it went along… until the last movie. Ultimately my biggest problem with it is that nothing actually happens and the plot feels like a late addition rather than a natural progression of the story. It’s basically a whole movie of set-up to a payoff that doesn’t even canonically happen. A big thing with YA adaptations in this era was making a final book into two movies, regardless as to whether it needed that much time or not. Breaking Dawn does not need to be two movies at two hours each. About ten new characters are introduced here and the film is afraid of killing even one of them off. It's the last movie! We're not going to see these characters again! Kill some of them! There's just no emotional weight to any of it and I hate to say I was disappointed with the ending because I have such low expectations for these films but man, this was so unsatisfying.

Frances Ha (2012) - 8/10 Life is hard. And I hate this movie because it shows me so much of what terrifies me about being alive. And I love this movie because it shows me so much of what I’m alive for. Noah Baumbach’s brutally honest depiction of growing up and fending for yourself struck me in a way I wasn’t expecting and I think it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I’m worrying a lot about how it’s all going to turn out. The titular character is burdened with the stress of working low-paid jobs and paying rent while juggling school and making time for her passion of dancing as she tries to connect with people she’s lost, as temporary friends and housemates come and go. She feels like a lonely character despite often being around a lot of people. Frances Ha is fantastic and heartbreaking and uplifting… but it made me feel bad so I hate it.