#it upsets me in a way cos i feel like my step dad has led her down this path

[angelgendered]

Yknow considering my mum was a self proclaimed socialist feminist who did work with the campaign for nuclear disarmament in the 80s and other related causes, you sure wouldn't guess it now. She loves keir starmer, casual transphobia and denial that trans people face anh issus ever, being vocally racist, especially against black and Asian folks, being pro Israel and devil's advocate when there's a GENOCIDE HAPPENING, she doesn't think disabled people including herself should have lives (my granddad who was in a powered wheelchair most of his life would hate her now I hate to say it but) she thinks black people are reverse racist when they call her out on her yt privilege instead of just yknow listening to what they have to say nd to top it all off she said the other day that the cass report is right, and earlier today said that she was probably going tk vote reform because 'we need to look after our own'

Like babe

You're a populist nationalist tiptoeing dangerously into fascist territory. No wonder none of your friends talk to you anymore

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 20, part three(!)

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

This episode has so much crucially important stuff in it I had to write 3 posts about it! Part one is here, part two is here. 

Don't Start None, Won't Be None

Lan Wangji has never had a real fight with Wei Wuxian before--remember, in their rooftop fight Wei Wuxian never even drew his sword. And since this is going to be a verbal fight, Lan Wangji is going to lose, badly. He's an elegant and articulate speaker, but he's not quick with words, and he speaks directly and sincerely. Weaponized speech is not his area at all, so he's pretty much bringing a knife to a gunfight. A guqin to a flute fight. Whatever. He tries to turn it into a physical confrontation, twice, but Jiang Cheng holds him back.

This throwdown is 100% about religion and orthodoxy; something that is fundamental to both of these young men's lives. Lan Wangji has made it his mission to be as orthodox as possible, doing shit like volunteering to be beaten for drinking when he didn't choose to drink. He's constantly overwhelmed by emotion, and the Lan rules are a source of regulation and safety for him. His emotions around Wei Wuxian are among the most overwhelming he's got, possibly only second to his feelings about his mom.

Right now his feelings are extra overwhelming. 

It's complicated because his relationship with Wei Wuxian literally started off with him punishing Wei Wuxian for heterodoxy. All that time they spent together in the library? Was because Wei Wuxian talked--JUST talked--about using resentful energy for cultivation. Which is precisely the ability he's just shown them, along with a style of killing enemies that's borderline evil and definitely, DEFINITELY unsportsmanlike.

So this is not, Lan Wangji is lovingly worried about Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian is pushing him away to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. This is Lan Wangji freaking out because his entire system of belief is being challenged and he's in love with the person who's challenging it.  

Wei Wuxian has shown up to the party wearing an International Mr. Leather tee shirt with a enamel pin stuck to it that says "I get my kicks on route 666" and Lan Wangji just. cannot. deal.  

Never Start a Fight But Always Finish One

Wei Wuxian has a couple of options here. One is to accept, kindly, that he and his friend can't be friends any more because of religion. In this option, in order to preserve his friend's comfortable sense of being right, he would have to tacitly accept that he himself is bad in some way, and allow his friend to keep having his value system, while walking away from him.  

The other choice is to hit so hard that he makes his friend feel really, really bad, and potentially rocks him off of his comfortable foundation. In the short term, the friendship breaks, but if it forces him to actually question his value system, it might lay the groundwork for a new, more accepting friendship.  Anyone who is queer with an anti-queer-religious best friend is probably familiar with this dilemma.

Wei Wuxian chooses the second option, and goes all in from the first moment, calling Lan Wangji "Lan Er Gongzi" and then upgrading to "Hanguang Jun" and even bowing. If it's possible to bow sarcastically, that's what Wei Wuxian is doing. Then he meets his eyes and sticks his chin out, essentially saying "how do you like them apples?"

(more after the cut!)

Lan Wangji's feelings are probably hurt, but he's too busy being mad to show it, and he goes straight to grilling Wei Wuxian, asking him about the killing, the talismans, and giving up the sword, all while Jiang Cheng stands by and wonders what the fuck is happening. 

Lan Wangji is making a fundamental error here, which is he's speaking as if he's an authority instead of as a peer. Wei Wuxian has only ever accepted one authority in his entire life, and that was Jiang Fengmian. Jiang Cheng is the one who, for a change, is approaching as a worried friend, while Lan Wangji approaches as if he has the right to call Wei Wuxian to account.  

Wei Wuxian won't answer his questions and is getting in his face, provoking him in a very quiet and controlled way, and Lan Wangji responds by just being really aggressive. It's interesting to see Wei Wuxian completely mastering his emotions while Lan Wangji is completely....not.  Wei Wuxian pushes harder, saying he's being rude, saying he's being a bad friend.  Which doesn't make any difference to Lan Wanji, who keeps pressing for an answer while Jiang Cheng wonders what the fuck is happening.

Come to Gusu

Wei Wuxian says he already explained, that it's complicated, it will take time to explain, so then Lan Wangji makes the utterly dumbassed demand that Wei Wuxian return to Gusu with him to explain it. What, exactly, is his plan? Bring Wei Wuxian to Gusu and have Lan Xichen (at the very least) and probably also Lan Qiren help him to convince Wei Wuxian that resentful cultivation is bad? How is that likely to work out? Let's have our own flashback, to that classroom interaction that led to the punishment in the library.

Lan Qiren: How will you make sure the resentful energy will only listen to you and not harm others? [Note: he's not wrong, Wei Wuxian] Wei Wuxian: I haven't figured that out yet ["details," as OP's dad used to say] Lan Qiren: If you did, the cultivation world would not allow your existence [i.e. we, the Lan Clan of Gusu, will kill your ass]

Lan Wangji probably doesn't think he's threatening Wei Wuxian with death by inviting him to Gusu, but he kinda is, if Lan Qiren was serious back then.  Lan Wangji is so upset and fearful that he's not really thinking clearly at this point. He loves Wei Wuxian and he's certain that cultivating with resentful energy will destroy him. [Note: he's not wrong, Wei Wuxian]  But Wei Wuxian is beyond fear. He's already been destroyed once.

Wei Wuxian rips on Gusu and then says, in a super-provocative way, that he prefers Yunmeng, which prompts Lan Wangji to say "don't joke around" as angrily as possible. 

This part of the interaction always confuses me because...shouldn't he prefer Yunmeng? He's actually from there and lives there and belongs there and stuff? He's just saying "I think I'll go with my brother" yet WWX and LWJ both act like he said he'd rather go to Demon City.

Lan Wangji takes a big step forward and Jiang Cheng blocks him while Wei Wuxian continues to act unperturbed and puzzled while holding his demon flute out in between them. 

Finally, FINALLY, Wei Wuxian calls him Lan Zhan, and asks him a serious question: What do you really want. Lan Wangji calms down for a second--although he keeps leaning into Jiang Cheng's sword block--and gets to the point, which is that the unorthodox path is dangerous, and harmful to his temperament.  

Kill one turtle together and you think you're the boss of me

So, these dudes are talking about 2 different levels of unacceptable cultivation, in this episode and the next few. Netflix translates these as "wicked tricks" and "crafty tricks," which both sound absolutely ludicrous in English, so I'm going to use my own preferred terms, going forward.  

I think what they are calling "Wicked Tricks," which includes spirit snatching and feeding people to the murder turtle on purpose in order to harvest their resentment could be translated as Heresy--adhering to a forbidden belief or practice; standing in opposition to Orthodoxy.  

Edit: After rewatching Episode 35, in which Nie Huaisang explains why their whole blade thing doesn’t count as “wicked tricks,” I’ve changed my mind about what to call this. NHS says that “wicked tricks” specifically involve the use of humans & human spirits (killing, sacrificing, etc.). Which means Necromancy is probably the better term for this particular type of cultivation, although it is still (also) Heresy. 

"Crafty Tricks," which is using resentful energy to raise and control already-dead people (ghosts and zombies) as well as just generally using resentment for basic stuff like beating Jin Zixuan's ass, could be translated as Heterodoxy--deviating from the accepted belief or practice, but not to the point of complete opposition.

Wei Wuxian laughs while Lan Wangji tries to be convincing, but since Lan Wangji is just repeating what he's been taught, he's not making much headway. Instead of saying "there's no exception throughout history" he could have, instead, gone with his own actual observations, such as "you are acting like a sadistic prick" or "you seem amazingly miserable" or "you aren't hugging your brother, what the fuck is that about?" But no.

Wei Wuxian responds to the charge of heresy by saying nuh-uh, and explains his methods, sort of, while going back to calling him Lan Er Gongzi. Lan Er Gongzi responds by actually literally yelling at him, and saying he's not allowed to decide for himself about what he's doing, as if the words "allowed to" have ever meant a goddamn thing to Wei Wuxian.

Temperament

At this point Wei Wuxian is done. He goes and gets right up in Lan Wangji's face and sticks a metaphorical knife right in his heart, smiling as he does it. "How do others know my temperament?" he asks; "and why should it be their concern?" i.e. you are not in my heart. 

This makes Lan Wangji so mad he calls Wei Wuxian "Wei Wuxian" for possibly the only time in the show, and he also flashes a whole bunch of angry teeth. (Gifset here). In a callback to the JFM-YZY fight back in Lotus Pier before the war, Wei Wuxian just calmly says "Lan Wangji" back at him, and then tells him to go fuck himself.

Jiang Cheng still doesn't understand what the fuck is happening, but this is a sentiment he understands, so he also tells Lan Wangji to go fuck himself, reminding him that Wei Wuxian is Jiang clan property and it's not the Lans' place to discipline him. Adding "and I'm not going to discipline him any way, look how good he is at killing people!"

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji continue to stare into each others' eyes from a distance so close that it really should lead to making out, but they are both much too angry for that. 

Wei Wuxian is as cold as we ever see him, smiling as he silently confirms: I do not belong to you. Lan Wangji glares back, his anger maybe finally giving way, a little bit, to being hurt.

Finish Him!

Wen Chao picks this moment to wake up and crawl over to the trio, begging Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng to save his life, since he presumably knows it's pointless to beg Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian turns around and gives him the EXACT SAME dead-eyed smile he just gave Lan Wangji, and kicks him.

Then he tells Lan Wangji to please leave so he and his brother can finish torturing this dude to death, and caps it with an official Jiang Clan eye roll.  

Lan Wangji, poor bb, just throws in the towel, and turns and leaves, the anger finally starting to leave his face and be replaced with something else...chagrin, maybe? Or maybe just softer anger, for the moment. 

After he's out of sight Wei Wuxian turns and looks after him sadly, all of the cruelty and hardness gone from his expression, while Wen Chao says "forgive me,"  possibly voicing what Wei Wuxian is thinking.

Lan Wangji walks out the front gate, troubled, and hears Wen Chao scream. He stops and replays the most pointed part of the fight in his head - the part where Wei Wuxian asked him, "who do you think you are?" Lan Wangji went into the fight believing he was completely right and was entitled to judge Wei Wuxian, but he's come out of it with his certainty shaken. 

Family Time

The Yunmeng brothers go to the ancestral shrine in Lotus Pier even though the whole "reclaiming Lotus Pier" scene doesn't happen until Episode 24. So apparently they just kind of sneak into the the shrine, and then sneak back out. Or, you know, continuity error.  Anyway Wei Wuxian is nothing if not adept at sneaking around death-related places.

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng bow and offer incense. It's nice that the Wens didn't fuck up everybody's name plaques when they were in control of the place...or the tassels, candles, etc. 

Wei Wuxian quietly tells Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian that he did what they asked--taking care of Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli--and they can rest now. Nosy parker Jiang Cheng wants to know what he's saying, but Wei Wuxian just changes the subject. 

They talk about going to Qinghe for the final combat of the Sunshot Campaign. Wei Wuxian says that's why he returned, which...dude, you can't even pretend you came back to be with your loved ones? Ouch. Jiang Cheng doesn't really react to that, but he's happy when Wei Wuxian says he wants to see Jiang Yanli. Wei Wuxian wants to know if she's ok and if she's mad at him, and Jiang Cheng says wait and see, because direct answers are not the Jiang Clan way.

Jiang Yanli is helping tend to the wounded, and we see her telling a particularly fussy wounded dude to suck it up and stop complaining. 

When Wei Wuxian shows up she totally stops paying attention to the wounded dude so that she can smile at Wei Wuxian. 

He looks back at her tearfully, briefly managing to smile but then just trying to hold it together. He has been to hell and back, and doing his very best to hide it, but when he sees the person who loves him most--the person who will NOT spend 20 minutes yelling at him as soon as they see him--he starts to crack open.

[severetimetravelnerd]

Hatred and Love (ft. G Dragon) Mafia AU

Part 3

You think you start to understand Jiyong, but you’re wrong.

(I don’t own any of the images used. All credit goes to the original owners.)

Taglist:

@unabashedturkeytreeslime​

@happiestgirlontheeastcoast​

@kwonnansi​

@aarfyie​

If there is anyone else who would like to be tagged, you can comment or leave me a message :))

I only write on this blog on tumblr, so if you see my work on any other platform, please let me know immediately.

Okay, so this is a mafia AU. It has appearances from Daesung, Taeyang, TOP, Mino, Hanbin and EXO (mostly Kai). This is the chapter where we’re introduced to Kai :)))

Warnings: Violence, Death(not main character), Injury, Blood, Eventual smut, Abduction, Guns and Knives, language.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You tangled your hands in his hair as you pulled him closer, both of you desperate for each other. He held your waist with one hand while the other slowly moved to unbutton your shirt. You had your hand on his belt buckle, and you were just about to remove it when the phone rang. Both of you pulled away, panting. He continued to look straight into your eyes as he answered the phone, 

“Yes?”.

 It was your phone. When he heard the reply, he cursed at it, immediately getting angry. 

“Y/N, who the fuck is this guy and why does he keep calling you?”

 You were also annoyed by whoever the caller was, so when you looked down at the screen, your eyes widened in surprise. It was Jongin, your co-worker. You sounded quite taken aback when you said, 

“That’s Kim Jongin. My co-worker and the office flirt.”

 Jiyong was already glaring at the phone for having interrupted you, but when he heard that, the glare intensified. From the phone, you could hear Jongin saying, 

“I am not the office flirt! Y/N, I literally only flirt with you!”

 Without meaning to, you started smiling. Jongin was the first sort-of friend you had. Yes, he flirted with you, but he never put any pressure on you. That was just his way of trying to make you laugh. 

“Jongin, you flirt with literally every woman you meet.” 

He gasped in mock outrage.

 “That is not true Y/N!!” 

Immediately, he became serious. 

“Y/N, where are you? You haven’t come to work in weeks. All your stuff is still in your apartment. You’re not answering your phone? What’s going on?”

 You made eye contact with Jiyong, not knowing what to say. You had been abducted, but you were kind of falling for the man who abducted you. Also, you did not want your dad to know. You didn’t know what to say, but Jiyong solved that problem for you. Responding in the iciest tone you had ever heard him use, he said,

 “Don’t worry, she’s safe here. And she’s happy. That’s all you need to know.”

 He cut the call and looked back at you, with a light smirk. 

“Now where were we?”

 You gave him a light smile and you climbed off him, struggling to not laugh at the way his face fell. You stood up, buttoning your shirt.

 “Jiyong, you’re injured. It isn’t good for you to indulge in… strenuous activity like this.” 

You paused to smile at him. 

“We can continue this once your injuries are better. Goodnight.” 

And you shut the door behind you as you entered your room, leaning against the door to try and calm yourself down, because it took you great strength to walk out of there and let him recover when you wanted nothing more than to let him fuck you senseless. You tried to go to bed, but as you tossed around in the sheets, you couldn’t think of anything other than the way his tattoo peaked out from under his shirt, or the way his lips felt against your, or the look in his eyes when he looked at you. After trying to sleep for a while, you finally sat up, shaking your head. You knew it was going to be a long night.

Although you barely slept, when you woke up the next morning, you couldn’t help but be in a really good mood. You kept thinking back to the previous night, the kiss, his eyes, everything. You knew you weren’t the only one who cared about him. The looks in his eyes and the way he kissed you proved it. And he told Jongin you were safe. He said you were safe here. That meant he wouldn’t harm you. You weren’t in danger. You had no idea how things were going to pan out, but you were sure that things would work out alright. You were annoyingly happy that day, just waiting for him to come and see you in the night. Which is why you were surprised when Hanbin came into your room in the evening carrying a rope, looking very upset. He couldn’t meet your eyes when he said, 

“Y/N, I’m going to need you to come down with me for a bit.” 

Although this was making you feel a little uneasy, you let Hanbin tie you up with the rope and lead you downstairs. Maybe you shouldn’t have, but you trusted Jiyong. You knew he wouldn’t harm you.

Jiyong had been in the middle of a meeting with his men, trying to explain their plan for the next deal so that things don’t go as badly, when he heard a loud, mocking laugh from the back of the room. His eyebrows shot up. No one laughed at his meetings. Ever. He slowly turned around, looking for the person who laughed. His eyes narrowed when he found him. Jaebum. The guy was good at what he did, but he was a bit too cocky. He walked up to Jiyong, his hands in his pocket and his eyes fixed in a deadly stare. 

“Boss, are you sure you want to talk about being ruthless? Because” 

He paused to laugh. 

“We all know you aren’t exactly ruthless anymore.” 

He took a step closer to Jiyong. 

“You have a weakness now.”

 He slowly looked upwards. 

“And she’s sitting right there.” 

Jiyong was hit with a fury he hadn’t felt in a while. How dare he challenge you like this, in front of everyone? How dare they use you against him? More than that, he felt a little scared. Yes, you were definitely a weakness of his. How had he let this happen? He was supposed to be torturing you? How had let you become a weakness? He started to feel angry at himself. But he showed none of it. He just fixed Jaebum with a stare and said,

 “Hanbin, get Y/N here.”

Hanbin slowly led you into the crowded room, trying not to show his fear for you. You however, were still fine. You had faith in Jiyong. He wouldn’t do anything to you. He said you were safe here. Even as Hanbin tied you to a chair, you were fine. You trusted Jiyong. You looked up at Jiyong, meeting his eyes. They were the coldest you had ever seen them. You shivered a little, feeling a little uneasy, but you brushed it off. You were sure it was just because he had to be like that around his men. He slowly pulled out his gun, looking down at it. He gave Jaebum a final look and then aimed the gun at you. Even then, you were fine. You were sure he’d just shoot the wall behind you. Maybe he had to prove a point. Even as he fixed you with a glare, you felt okay, because you trusted him. He aimed the gun and he shot. It was only when you felt the bullet graze your arm and your body go numb that you realised, he shot you. The last thing you saw was his cold glare, with not an ounce of regret before your head hit the ground from the force of the bullet and you passed out. Jaebum had just opened his mouth to say,

 “Okay boss-“

 when Jiyong turned the gun in his direction and shot him in the head, turning to watch his body fall slack. He slowly put his gun back and looked around. 

“Anyone else has any issues they want to raise?” 

The whole room was silent. Hanbin should’ve been watching Jiyong and waiting for orders, but he had grown too close to you to just watch you there, unconscious with blood seeping through your clothes. He cared about you, and he couldn’t let something happen now. For the first time since he began working for Jiyong, he felt horrified by his boss. He knew Jiyong loved you. How could he shoot the woman he loved? Jiyong sighed, and in a bored voice, said, 

“Hanbin, take her away. Make sure she doesn’t die. She needs to be alive for us to do the job.”

 And just like that, Jiyong went back to explaining their plan for the next deal. Hanbin rushed forward, tearing a bit of his shirt to tie around your wound to prevent blood loss. He picked you up in his arms and shot Jiyong an undecipherable look before rushing out of the room. He knew that taking you to a hospital and explaining what happened might be tough, but he knew he had to do that for you.

Jiyong, on the other hand, although on the outside, he just continued his explanation of their plans, on the inside, he was dying. The moment he pulled the trigger, he hated himself for doing it. Luckily, last minute, he had shifted the gun so that the bullet wasn’t aimed at any of your vitals, but it was your expression when he shot you that wouldn’t get out of his mind. Your look of trust changing to one of surprise, of disbelief. You were the only person who had ever looked at him with that kind of trust. The way that changed… it broke him. He had to change that.

 Hanbin rushed into the ER with you in his arms, desperately shouting for help. He watched helplessly, feeling wretched as the nurses wheeled you away. They had to disinfect the wound and stitch it up. Luckily, the bullet wasn’t lodged in your body, but even for a hospital’s ER, a gun shot wound was no small task. Hanbin just sat there, waiting and waiting, hoping that everything would turn out okay. Luckily, he had the sense to take you to his friend’s hospital, and so, there was no question of police or inquiries. He sat there, thinking back on the way things happened. Was this really the life he wanted? Would he someday turn into Jiyong hyung? Would he become someone who could shoot the person he loved? It scared him. He had always admired Jiyong hyung’s commitment, but now, he was questioning it all. Suddenly your phone rang. It was with Hanbin. He slowly answered the phone with shaky hands. 

“Hello?” 

It was Jongin. 

“Oh it’s you? Are you the same guy from yesterday? Because if you are, I’m going to find you and kill you. You’ve abducted her, haven’t you? You’re drugging her and keeping her there against her will. You-“ 

Hanbin cut him off. He was too exhausted to fight over someone he hadn’t ever spoken to.

 “No, it’s not the same guy.”

 Jongin paused. He seemed rather sheepish for a minute, but he continued anyway,

 “Who are you? What have you done to her? Where is she?” 

Hanbin paused. Sounding strained, he said, 

“Do you care about her?” 

Jongin sounded taken aback. His voice turned a little softer.

 “Of course I do. She’s my friend. And I like her.” 

Hanbin felt a little better. He knew Jiyong would probably be mad at him if he knew, but he decided to call Jongin to the hospital. He needed someone who could fill in your details. 

“Y/N, is in the hospital right now. She got shot. I’ll text you the address. Come to the ER.” 

And he cut the call, going back to silently worrying about you.

Jongin put down the phone, in shock. He had heard rumours that Kwon Jiyong had abducted someone, but he was hoping against hope that it wasn’t you. Once he heard Hanbin’s voice however, he knew it was the truth. Jongin’s heart sank a little as he started getting ready to go to the hospital. As he strapped the dagger to his thigh and put the gun in his pocket, he seriously contemplated telling the rest of the guys. He was in the gang that was Jiyong’s rival gang after all. He had a responsibility as one of the heads of EXO. But he also had a responsibility as your friend. He knew that once he got the gang involved, there was no going back. After that, it would be between the gangs. No one would care about you, and you would probably get hurt in the process. His chest tightened a little. He couldn’t do that to you. If he had to, he would introduce you to the gang after you said yes to him asking you out. He wanted to keep you as safe as possible. He wanted you to be as far away from all the violence as possible. He didn’t want you to have to find out this way. But he knew one thing. He would make sure you were safe. He would make sure you were happy.  He grit his teeth. He wouldn’t let Jiyong get away with this. Jongin drove to the hospital, as fast as he could, but by then, you had finished getting your stitches and Hanbin had taken you back. He just waited at the reception, clenching his fist a little tighter. His eyes were set. He might have missed you today, but now, he knew where you were. And now, it was war.

 Hanbin and you sat in the car in silence, you still in shock and Hanbin not knowing what to say. You were trembling, still scared from what had happened. Hanbin watched you in silence, knowing there was nothing he could say to make things better. Hanbin slowly reached for your trembling hand and held it, gently stroking it so that you calmed down. It worked. Your breathing was getting steadier and you weren’t shaking as violently anymore. He softly said,

 “I’m sorry.” 

You replied, equally softly,

 “It’s okay.”

 You knew Hanbin had nothing to do with shooting you. Hanbin would never. He was too nice. You were only scared that it was Jiyong. Closing your eyes, you tried your level best to stop replaying his eyes when he shot you in you head and tried to stay calm. When you finally got to the base, your legs were still a little unsteady, and you were tired, as you were on heavy painkillers and you were running a slight fever. One look at you struggling to walk and Hanbin just scooped you up into his arms, feeling terrible at the way you were still shivering a little. He put you down on your bed. You mumbled, 

“Thanks Hanbin. I’ll manage from here.”

 He looked at you like you were insane. 

“Y/N, do you seriously think I’m going to let you stay here alone tonight? Fuck no! I’ll be with you.”

 And turning a deaf ear to all your protests, he went a got some water in a bowl and starting putting a cold compress on your forehead to bring down the fever. Slowly, you also calmed down, letting Hanbin run his fingers through your hair to calm you down. You were glad that through all of this, you got to know someone like Hanbin, because you really valued the friendship you had with him. You were just closing your eyes, trying to relax, when you heard the door open. Hanbin immediately jumped up. 

“Hyung, I really don’t think you should be here.”

 Jiyong ignored him.

 “Y/N?” 

You started trembling. You couldn’t get the face he had when he pulled the trigger out of your mind. Jiyong pushed Hanbin away lightly, moving closer to you, desperate to see with his own eyes that you were okay. You were bundled up under the covers on the bed. He sat down at the edge of the bed and slowly pulled the covers back, trying to check on your wound. The thought of having harmed you was driving him insane. He first saw your bandaged arm. It killed him to see it that way, but he was glad it hadn’t been critical. He reached up to tuck some hair behind your eyes, when he felt you flinch. Your entire body was shaking violently from the fear. Only then did he finally look up at your face. For the first time since he met you, those beautiful eyes that were always blazing, full of determination, stared back at him, full of fear.

[hookedontaronfics]

Aber Girl series - Saturday

Title: Aber Girl - Saturday Part 2 of 3. Find Friday’s adventure HERE. Rating: T Pairing: Taron x OC Warnings: Cursing and alcohol use A/N: Some confessions force Morgan to reevaluate her own memories as well as beliefs she has long held onto. Could giving one chance to Taron really be so bad? A Triple Shot [3-part] series. Plenty of cute fluffy Taron to come in Part 3. I hope you enjoy! x

I woke up to my alarm going off and my arm on absolute fire. The painkillers I’d been given at the hospital had long worn off, and I still needed to pick up my prescription at the pharmacy before my shift. I could already feel that this was going to be a long day as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes. 

The events of the day before still lingered in my mind, and I tried not to dwell too much on Taron’s face, but for some reason found it difficult to do. His stupid, pretty face. I didn’t remember when he’d gotten so handsome, and I immediately banished that thought from my mind. It’d do me no good to think that way.

I stood up and shuffled across the floor, the cold seeping through my feet and making me shiver. I managed to get out of my pajamas and maneuver a clean shirt on around the cast, wincing slightly when the fabric brushed over my hand. I hadn’t counted on how difficult it would be to get myself into my jeans one-handed, and I ended up tipping over onto the floor with a shriek. I instantly heard footsteps running up the stairs and realized my bum was still hanging out in the air, clad only in my underwear. “I’m fine! Don’t open the -” I tried to say but my father swung it open anyway.

“Morgan, are you, oh… oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he said, turning a bright shade of red at my predicament. He instantly stepped backward and around the doorframe, but I could hear him standing there still, panting a bit because he was out of shape.

“Oh my god,” I agreed.

“Well, to be fair, nothing I haven’t seen before. I used to give you baths as a kid, you know,” he said awkwardly.

“Dad!” I yelled, absolutely mortified. I groaned, pushing myself upright and wriggling my pants on the rest of the way. I cursed a few times while I wrestled to get the button clasped.

“Language, dear,” my father reminded me, before peeking in again. “What in the world happened there?” he asked, concerned as I adjusted the sling around my body and settled my arm in it.

“Work accident,” I sighed.

“Honey, why didn’t you call your mom and me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek against the swell of pain that nearly made me gasp out.

“You didn’t walk to the hospital, did you?” he asked, stepping into my room again and pulling me into a careful hug, sweetly patting my hair like I was five years old again.

“No, I got a ride from-” I stopped myself, but my dad didn’t seem to notice.

“We would have come and gotten you,” he said as I extricated myself from his hug.

“I know, and I appreciate it, but I’m really running behind already and I don’t want to be late, so can we talk about this later?” I asked, shooing him out of the room.

“Sure, dear, your mum’s got breakfast ready downstairs,” he smiled at me, and I nodded my thanks as I headed to the bathroom to finish getting ready. I swallowed a couple over-the-counter ibuprofen, hoping it would take the edge off, and did my best to not jostle my arm too much.

I wisely chose a heavy wool peacoat this time, something I could manage to button on my own, if a little clumsily. As I hurried down the stairs, I nearly caught my purse strap on the edge of the banister in my haste. The last thing I needed to do was tumble down the stairs and break my other arm. I had that kind of talent for tripping over air, it seemed.

As soon as I breezed into the kitchen, my mom tried to worry over me too. I appreciated my parents’ concern, but I really did need to get to my job, a job I would probably be late for now. I likely had a good excuse with my arm in a cast, though; you had to use any advantage you could. “Love you guys, got to go!” I called, grabbing a buttered crumpet off the plate and stuffing it in my mouth as I let myself out of the house, the door slamming behind me.

Despite the sun shining fully that morning, a blast of cold air still greeted me and I pulled my coat collar up against the wind. Aber winters always made me wish I had my own car, but between student loan payments and saving to get my own apartment, I didn’t have any cash to spare. I hurried into town, finishing the crumpet and stopping at the pharmacy to pick up my medicine. I nearly cried at the price of the pills, but I needed them so I handed over my credit card. This was going to set me way back, I thought.

I was grateful when I finally turned the corner to the bookstore, rushing inside for the warmth and taking a moment to breathe in the scent of books as I always did before going to find my boss.

“Sorry I’m late,” I said, knocking on the open office door. 

“Couldn’t have texted me first?” my boss asked, entering some numbers before looking up from the computer. I dumped my coat off on the rack and sighed as she did a double-take over my cast.

“Had a minor mishap at work yesterday,” I said, as she quickly gestured to the other chair for me to sit.

“We’ll have to fill out an incident report then,” she said, and I groaned inwardly until she informed me my medical bills might be covered since it happened at work. I gave her the basic details of what happened but had to pause when she asked me if I knew who the customer was; Aber was a fairly small place and you got to know your neighbors if you lived there long enough.

The silence stretched out between us as she waited for me to answer. “It was … Taron Egerton,” I replied, a bit painfully. “He’s been visiting home again, I guess,” I added, biting my thumb while my boss did what most people usually do at the mention of his name - She grew flustered about the fact that he’d even been in our store and tried to pry details out of me that I couldn’t supply.

“I don’t know what he was here to get, I was busy doing my job,” I said in a huff. It was embarrassing, really, watching a 50-something-year-old woman get beside herself over him. 

We finally wrapped up in the office, got the store open and I went about my day, trying to put Taron out of my mind. Saturdays in Aber were typically busy for most retail businesses along the strip, and I enjoyed having a laugh with my co-workers who were also on my shift. Between helping customers, we’d come up with a game where everyone tried to spin the most ridiculous tale as to the cause of my accident, and we were in fits when Andreyah bounced through the door, the sun making her auburn hair glow brightly.

“Special delivery!” she grinned at me, handing me a cup of coffee, knowing my order by heart.

“Oh my god, I love you a latte,” I deadpanned, and Andreyah shoved me playfully in my good arm.

“You and your puns,” she groaned, as I breathed in the rich aroma of my drink.

“I know, it’s great right?” I giggled.

“Yeah, don’t quit your day job,” she grinned, leaning casually against the counter while I rang up a customer as best I could with one arm. Everyone so far had been patient, and I was grateful for it. I handed the customer, who was rather cute, his bag and gave him a cheerful good-bye, watching him walk toward the door. Andreyah caught my gaze and snickered at me. What? I mouthed to her as the good-looking man pushed his way out the door, just as an all-too-familiar face came in.

“Oh god, no,” I said, instantly crouching down behind the counter and upsetting a display of bookmarks in the process.

“Morgan!” Andreyah hiss-laughed, unable to contain herself as Taron strode in, having seen me despite my best efforts. He walked up to the counter and peered over it at me, his green eyes taking in my awkward position.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my tone probably on the far side of rude.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright,” he said, and I wanted to hate him for being a such a damn gentleman. 

“I survived,” I snapped, and he looked deflated at my tone. I stood up and we stared at each other for a moment before he cleared his throat and I looked away.

“Also, I never bought what I came here to get last night. I was wondering if you could help?” he pressed on. Andreyah made an “ooh” noise and wandered off to browse, leaving me with Taron. It was going to take me a while to forgive her for that.

“I can’t, I’m busy,” I said, righting the display and starting to pick the bookmarks up off the counter.

“Morgan,” he said, placing a hand on mine. Perhaps it had been an impulse on his part, but it both angered and thrilled me at the same time, and I was confused at my brain’s response.

I dropped the bookmarks back on the counter and in an attempt to distract myself I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, looking across the shop to try and find any other colleague who was available, but everyone else was already helping a customer.

“Oh fine,” I said. “And only because I’m doing my job,” I added for good measure, shoving my hand in my pocket. “So what are you looking for?”

“Well,” he said, copying my move and also shoving his hands in his pockets. “It’s nearly Christmas and I wanted to get my sisters some books,” he said, his face lighting up with a grin at the mention of the girls. He adored them, and so did pretty much the whole town. I’d seen them in the store before with their mum, and they were polite and well-behaved and cute as a button. I had no problem with his family, as they’d done nothing wrong.

“Alright, well, what do they like to read?” I asked as I led Taron to the children’s section. “We’ve got everything from mermaids to unicorns. It runs the gamut of cute,” I said. 

“Gamut of cute, eh?” he said with a grin, his gaze passing over me for a moment, but I ignored that fact as I pulled some of my personal favorites off the shelf. I may have gotten distracted and read a kid’s book or two while shelving, but could you blame me?

I forgot that I hated him while I helped him shop, getting lost in my passion for books and actually laughing when he started to read one of the stories in a goofy voice. After about 15 minutes or so, we ended up with an interesting and varied stack of books, each one I felt the girls would love. Clearly, their brother had a generous heart and deep pockets.

I followed him as he carried the books back up to the counter, and started to ring his purchase up. I noted him rifling through the bookmarks out of the corner of my eye. “Ah here, add this,” he said, choosing one and adding it to the stack. I added it to the tab and ran his card, focusing on that part of the transaction while he bagged his own books. I wasn’t about to argue.

“Thanks again,” I said, giving him a not-entirely-genuine smile, just happy to have him out of the store.

“Wait,” he said, looking behind him to make sure no one else was in line. “Let me take you out for a coffee. Or a beer, something. Give me a chance to explain,” he fairly pleaded with me. The offer was actually tempting, as I would relish the chance to tell him off again, I told myself. Or maybe I was just curious to figure out a piece of my past I’d always thought I knew. He fidgeted slightly as I deliberated with myself. 

“Here,” he said, pulling out the bookmark he’d just bought and jotting down his number on the back of it. “You don’t have to decide right now. I’ll be in town all weekend. You can let me know,” he said, pushing the bookmark across the counter to me.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll uh, let you know,” I said, wishing I’d sounded more sure of myself.

“Take care of yourself, Morgan,” he said softly, giving me a half-smile before turning and heading out the door. I slowly ran my fingers over the tassel of the bookmark, spreading out the ribbons and lost in thought until another customer came up. I shook myself out of it, sliding the bookmark, and Taron’s number, into my back pocket before ringing up the customer a bit absent-mindedly.

“So what’d he want?” Andreyah asked, finding her way back to the counter, a couple of books tucked under her arm.

“Just books for his sisters,” I said, choosing not to tell her about the standing offer. I’m not sure why, but this felt far too personal to me, and her enthusiasm wouldn’t help me here.

“That’s really sweet,” she said with a dreamy sigh as I rang up her books.

“Don’t you get started on about how dishy he is,” I said with a laugh. “I need you on my side here!”

“Alright, alright,” she laughed, holding up her hands. “But he did come in to check up on you too, so…” she said, trailing off.

“So what?” I asked. “He’s the reason I’m hurt in the first place,” I said, realizing how much that reverberated through my life.

“Maybe it’s time to do some healing, Mori,” Andreyah said softly, staring me down until I felt uncomfortable. “Alright, I should go. Don’t want to get you in trouble with your boss. We’ll talk later, alright?”

“Of course,” I said, giving her a smile despite the cracks I felt opening up inside. I waved and watched her go, finishing my coffee and doing my best to survive the rest of my shift. I was grateful when I was free to go. I swung next door to The Grail, grabbing my favorite go-to snack, as their hummus and pita were the best around. When I took a seat near the window, I felt something snag in my back pocket. I’d completely forgotten the bookmark, and I pulled it out and stared at the neat digits printed there.

I pulled my phone out and stared at the screen for a long moment before finally dialing, waiting for the other end to pick up.

“Baby sister! So good to hear from you!” my brother answered enthusiastically on the second ring.

“Hey Dex,” I grinned, using my favorite nickname for my brother. I could never be in a bad mood around him.

“How are the old folks?” he asked.

“They’re just mum and dad, you know,” I said, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I was overwhelmed with everything that had happened, and hearing my brother’s voice elicited a pang of longing. I missed my brother terribly, even if he didn’t live that far away, just down the A487 in Cardigan. We’d always been so close growing up.

He must have heard the tremble in my voice. “Is everything alright, Morgan?”

“No, not really. I kinda need my big brother right now,” I said, trying not to cry in the cafe. No one needed salty tears in their hummus. “Can you come here?” I asked pitifully.

My brother paused for a moment. “Morgan, I’m an hour away. It’s a bit of a drive,” he reasoned.

“I know. But this is about Taron,” I said, listening to the silence on the other end of the line. “Hello? Dex?” I asked.

“What about him?” Declan asked quietly.

“He’s back in Aber and we’ve had a bit of a run-in. He said there was shit about what went down between you two that I don’t know.”

Declan sighed heavily, and I could imagine him running his fingers through his long hair the way he always did when he was agitated. “I haven’t thought about that in years. Why has it come up now?” he finally asked.

“It’s… a long story,” I replied. “I’m not sure I’ve been the kindest person.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Dex replied.

“Hey! What does that mean?” I asked indignantly, jabbing a piece of pita into the hummus with more force then I’d meant to.

“Morgan, I’ve known you my entire life and I’ve never once seen you give someone a second chance.”

“So you’re saying I should give Taron Egerton a second chance. Taron, of all people?” I scoffed around a bite of the pita.

“I just don’t see the point in carrying a grudge on something that happened over a decade ago. I’ve forgiven him and moved on with my life. He’s mostly the one that took the blame over his mates for what happened. Morgan, you should know he’s never said an unkind word to me in his life.” I nearly choked on the piece of pita I was chewing.

“What?” I managed to ask, an uneasy feeling beginning in the pit of my stomach.

“You’ve always been protective of me, sis, and maybe there was a time I needed it. But you’ve built walls around yourself to do that and I think you’re only hurting yourself now.” There was a reason my brother gave corporate presentations for a job; he had the motivational speaker thing down pat. Meanwhile, I just felt like I was crumbling.

We talked a bit further and when we hung up, I’d made my decision. I typed Taron’s number into my phone and opened a text message. <One chance.> I sent, feeling suddenly and stupidly nervous.

<One chance is all I need.> he replied back immediately, followed by a time and place. I was surprised, because it wasn’t where I’d expected him to choose. I finished up my snack and walked back home, having a little time to kill and feeling like my world had turned upside down. The revelations my brother had revealed tore a bit at the edges of the anger I’d held onto for so long.

When the time to leave arrived, I was almost a nervous wreck. I asked my parents if I could borrow the car for the evening, and thankfully they agreed. I didn’t want to charge a cab ride if I didn’t have to, as I couldn’t have walked to where we were meeting. I made the drive over to Ysgol Penglais, following Taron’s texted directions, wondering if he was half-crazy. I slowed my speed a bit on Cefn Llan since no one was behind me, searching for his car, and pulled off the road behind him when I spotted it.

“What the heck are we doing here?” I asked when we’d both exited our cars, my breath coming out in white puffs.

“Just trust me,” he said, giving me a wicked grin before walking up and down the hedge row that bordered the school. He must have found what he was looking for because he beckoned me over, and we managed to squeeze through the small break he must have known was there all along. We ran across the grounds, half-bent over as if that would conceal us in the open, but it was a Saturday evening and no one was there anyway. The windows were all dark, Taron leading me around to a particular one and, to my surprise and with a little effort on his part, he managed to slide it open. He clasped his hands together and offered it to me.

“Are you out of your bloody mind? We’re not breaking into the school!” I said.

“Oh come on, live a little,” he smirked. “My mates and I always used to do this back in the day.”

“I’m not your mate,” I said, cringing slightly as that sounded different coming out of my mouth than it had in my head. He just shook his head in amusement and beckoned me to put my foot in his hand.

“Oh what the hell,” I said, wondering if this was the dumbest thing I’d ever decided to do in my life. Taron was surprisingly strong, boosting me up into the window with no trouble, and I balanced on the ledge a bit precariously for a moment, finding it difficult to not use both of my arms. I managed to jump down safely to the other side and waited as Taron hefted himself up and over with no help at all. I couldn’t help but be impressed. The hallways were darkened, but the windows let in enough light for us to see, and after a few moments I knew exactly where he was headed.

He pulled the auditorium doors open, and we both turned our phone flashlights on as we bumped our way down the aisle, climbing the steps until we were standing on the stage, facing out to an audience that would have been there had this been a production. “I have so many memories here,” Taron said, his voice echoing a bit before he pulled out two bottles of beer he’d stashed in his coat. He took a seat at the edge of the stage, legs swinging over, and I joined him. We sat our phones down between us, the lights shining up and casting strange shadows on the ceiling, but I didn’t feel scared to be there with him. 

He popped the cap off one of the bottles and handed it to me. I took a swig and waited for him to say more; he knew why we were here, and I desperately needed to know what had happened. “I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am, and what’s done is unfortunately done,” he started, a slight tremor working its way into his voice as he tried to recall the events of those days. I sat and listened, drinking my beer and looking over at him every now and again. The way the light shone up highlighted the lines of his jaw, and when his eyes met mine from time to time, I could see the softness of his eyelashes. It wasn’t what I had meant to be thinking, but I’d have been truly blind to not see how he filled out the jeans and shirt he was wearing.

“We were 15, and we were stupid. I don’t think any of us meant to hurt your brother,” Taron finally said, drawing to a close. “I knew the bullying was wrong, and I should have stood up for him. But I was questioning myself, my own intentions and even my sexuality, and I thought if I defended your brother then I might’ve been the next one on the chopping block. It was cowardly, and I’ve held that close to my heart for a long time,” he spoke into the darkness, and I couldn’t help the sympathy that dug its way through me.

“Your silence made you complicit, don’t you see that?” I asked sadly.

“Of course I realized it later, after some counseling and maturity caught up to me. And I tried to talk to you about it, once. I was about to graduate and felt the need to make amends for all the dumb shit I’d done in school,” he replied, which was news to me. The few interactions with Taron I remembered from school days had mostly been him teasing me or showing off for his schoolmates.

“The thing is, Morgan, at some point you stopped being just Declan’s little sister and started being someone I rather fancied. I never said anything because I always thought you were off-limits.” You could have heard a pin drop in the auditorium; I’m pretty sure I had forgotten how to breathe. “Anyway, I’m sure that ship has long set sail for me. But I hope you can at least forgive me.”

I truly didn’t know what to say, stunned into silence at his sudden confession. I was pummeled every which way by the different emotions coursing through me, memories replaying in my mind that I suddenly saw in a completely different light. “Holy shit, I’ve been such an idiot,” I said. I’d been so focused on protecting Declan that I’d never once thought to ask what it meant for myself.

“No, not you. It’s always been me being the idiot,” he said, turning to me and sweetly cupping my chin with his hand. “For all my years of acting, you’d think I’d have gotten better at this. I’ve been the one too afraid to admit my feelings out loud,” he continued, his eyes boring into mine. I’d never experienced this kind of raw honesty from anyone before, and I couldn’t hide the way it made me feel. 

“And now I think I’ve gone and lost you,” he said, searching my face. “You’ve hated me for so long. I don’t know how I could possibly change your mind.” He seemed so crestfallen that I felt it echo in my own chest.

“One chance. One day,” I said with a sudden smile. “You get one day with me tomorrow to change my mind.”

I watched the grin spread across his sweet face, brightening his eyes, and it was all for me. “I could give you the world in one day,” he said, brushing his thumb across my lips. We stared at each other for a moment, the space between us suddenly feeling very, very small. I sucked in my breath as he leaned in closer and then the auditorium doors swung open, scaring the shit out of me. I reacted, banging my forehead into Taron’s nose. “Shit, I’m sorry!” I gasped as a disembodied voice called out “What are you kids doing in here!” I doubt the janitor could see us clearly either.

“Come on!” Taron giggled, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. He headed for the backstage, knowing the place like the back of his hand, and we weaved our way in and out of props until he found a back door. We pushed our way through it, laughing and breathless, the janitor’s shouts still echoing somewhere behind us as we tore off down the hallway, back toward the window and our escape.

I lay in my bed later that night, recounting our mad dash back to the cars in the waning light, the way he’d laughingly pulled the sticks from the hedge out of my hair and how he’d promised me the best day of my life tomorrow. I was still fairly buzzed from the beer and the way Taron had looked at me, like I was the only girl in the world. I finally understood that particular Taron effect now that I’d chosen to finally see the man he’d grown up to be. He was no longer that lanky, awkward teen straight out of my memories, the one I’d hung every last school-year ache upon. My insides felt like they’d been melted down to nothing and reshaped overnight; I was not the same Morgan I had been the day before. I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face, truly looking forward to exploring Aber in a different way, with someone I found I rather fancied after all.

The sweet tale continues on Sunday. Read it HERE.

[choices-betch]

Lost on You (Mona x MC): Chapter III

Book: Ride or Die: A Bad Boy Romance Pairing: Mona x MC Warnings: NSFW Chapter Description: Some things never change. Notes: I don’t know why I lagged on finishing this, but now it’s done so whatever lmao. Thank you to all who read, liked, commented and/or reblogged previous chapters/stories! Let me know if you want to be tagged in future chapters. Tags:  @maxwellsquidsuit @scarlet-letter-a0114 @whoinvitedalx @zoe6111@pauclaws @powdesiree0816

Song: hanging on - active child

Chapter III: 3 A.M.

Lexi stood outside the bar Mona led her to, staring up at a big sign reading Outlaws. She rolled her eyes; Mona would come here. Lexi took a deep breath to calm her nerves and walked in, cautiously glancing around at the moderately sized crowd. She spotted Mona sitting with her legs crossed at the bar on a stool, profile facing Lexi as she observed the room with a bored expression.

Lexi realized in all the upset of Mona’s reappearance, she hadn’t really looked at her. Lexi took a moment to scan Mona head to toe from a distance. Lexi noted that her hair was longer, the frown lines on her face a bit more visible, and she was a bit thinner than Lexi had remembered. But the way her hair framed her face, the way her bright eyes constantly assessed for the first sign of danger, the way her short, strappy black dress rode up her smooth thighs just so...

Lexi cursed herself mentally; she needed to stay strong, but somehow after all this time Mona still had the ability to make her putty with just a look. She let out a deep breath and headed toward the back.

“Outlaws, huh?” Lexi said, sliding onto the stool next to Mona at the bar. Mona looked over, startled, and Lexi silently congratulated herself for being the one to catch her off guard for once. “Bit cliché if you ask me.”

Mona smirked, turning toward Lexi on her stool. “Good thing I didn’t ask.” She motioned to the bartender for another beer and slid it toward Lexi. Lexi quietly thanked Mona and took a swig of her beer.

“I’m surprised,” Mona started, spinning her bottle on the bar top. “Didn’t think you’d show up.”

“I didn’t really think about it too much,” Lexi replied honestly, shrugging.

“‘Cos that’s worked out well for you in the past.”

Lexi rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored Mona’s comment.

“I, uh...I opened the gift. It was...” Lexi trailed off, unsure of what to say, or if she should express how much it meant. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

Mona hummed in acknowledgement, nodding as she tipped her bottle toward Lexi before downing the rest of her beer and requesting another. “Congrats. Mazel tov. Gratis. What’s next, hotshot?”

“No idea. Probably getting a crap paying job while I study for the bar and figure out where I want to go and what I want to do.”

Mona side eyed Lexi and gave her a once over before raising her eyebrows and taking another swig of beer.

“What?” Lexi said, already getting irritated. Was Mona seriously judging her right now?

“Nothing,” Mona quipped with a shrug. “Just surprised. I never took you for a fancy suit and office type.”

“I want to help people,” Lexi replied shortly, aggressively taking a gulp of beer. “I don’t care how I have to do it.”

Mona chuckled but stayed silent, a small smirk playing on her lips. Lexi narrowed her eyes and tapped her fingertips on the bar top. After a few moments she turned to look at Mona’s profile silently, eyes taking in every curve of her face, every line, every freckle...God, why did she have to be so damn gorgeous?

“What?” Mona asked tensely, taking a swig of her beer. Lexi shook her head, taking a sip of her own drink as she turned to face the pool tables, her back against the bar. Clearly she was going to need more alcohol to survive this night.

—-

“This place is gross,” Lexi said, leaning against the pool table they’d just claimed as Mona placed the balls in the triangle rack.

“I know. Isn’t it great?”

Lexi raised an eyebrow but stayed silent as Mona rolled the balls then removed the rack and stood up. Pool was something they could easily agree on and seemed like a good way to ease the obvious tension. Mona gestured toward the table and Lexi awkwardly stepped forward.

“What’s the bet?” Lexi asked with a quirked brow. Mona shrugged nonchalantly.

“Since you’re definitely going to lose, I’ll let you decide your fate.”

Lexi barked out a laugh and rolled her eyes. She is so going down. “Loser does 4 tequila shots. No chaser, no mixers. Straight up.”

Mona straightened up, her expression full of arrogance and mischief. “You’re on, baby.”

Lexi chalked her cue stick and tried to center her focus. She didn’t know why she had the urge to see Mona completely fucked up; maybe she was tired of the inhibitions and practicalities. She wanted a different side of her, and she wanted to be in control.

“So,” Mona started, propping herself against the wall. “Who’s the beefcake?”

“Sorry?” Lexi questioned with a raised brow as she moved around the table, assessing for the perfect position. Jackpot. Lexi bent over, adjusting her cue stick to make just the right shot.

“Looked like a hot cop fantasy. Kudos, by the way.”

Lexi continued staring blankly at Mona, hiding her racing pulse as her mind flitted back to the day at the coffee shop. Had her gut been right? She wasn’t going to let her off that easy, though. Mona rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. “The one at the coffee shop.”

I knew it! Lexi shot upright, her eyes widening at confirmation of her suspicions. Lexi stared incredulously at Mona for a few moments before mentally composing herself and repositioning her shot. She kept her vision straight, her angle steady. She knew Mona’s games, but this time she wasn’t giving her the satisfaction of winning. Not today. “Why. Jealous?”

Mona chuckled softly and Lexi could feel her getting closer, silently cursing her body for betraying her. Lexi mentally chastised herself and refocused on her aim, determined not to fuck this up. Mona sauntered closer to Lexi and leaned against the table, watching her every move.

“Do you think about me while she fucks you?” Mona said, just loud enough for Lexi to hear right as she was about to strike the ball. Lexi hadn’t been expecting that, which Mona undoubtedly knew, but Lexi had more experience with her poker face than she used to and didn’t let it phase her. She expertly and broke the balls, sinking a yellow and purple striped ball. Lexi stood upright, meeting Mona’s gaze.

“Past tense. And what makes you so sure she fucked me?” She replied coolly, backing up as she tipped her cue in Mona’s direction. “You’re solids.”

Mona was shocked. And turned on. And a whole lot of other things. Who was this woman and where had she been all her life? “Touché,” Mona said, applauding slowly with a smirk. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“You don’t know much about me anymore,” Lexi said with a shrug. Mona stared at her with a serious expression. She had no idea what she was doing. This wasn’t in the plan. She wasn’t supposed to feel what she was feeling: nervous, excited, confused, attached. She wasn’t supposed to care anymore. But Mona did a lot of things she wasn’t supposed to do. After a long moment Lexi closed her eyes, sighing heavily. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Mona responded. What was there to be sorry for? It was well deserved. Mona quickly saw her shot, lining it up and spinning the cue ball with ease, sinking three balls. “Your shot.”

—-

After three intense rounds of pool (Mona won by a hair) and double the alcohol intake, Lexi was feeling good. Her resentments and inhibitions continued to dissipate the longer she and Mona were together, having fallen into easy conversation and banter halfway through the first game. They were back at the bar table, new drinks in hand as they both sat in hysterics reminiscing.

“Remember when Logan and Colt bet each other they could do a long jump over Kaneko’s car and Logan dented the hood?” Mona choked, leaning forward and closing her eyes in laughter. “God, they were morons.”

“Always,” Lexi responded, her laughter dying down as she wiped her eyes. “God, Kaneko wanted to murder them. Why did they act like that?”

“Because they’re idiots who couldn’t stop swinging their dicks around to impress you,” Mona replied, shaking her head as she rolled her eyes. Lexi choked on her drink, wiping the beer off her face as she turned toward Mona with wide eyes. “What?” Mona questioned. “You know it’s true.”

“Well, it was a waste of energy. My attention was elsewhere,” Lexi finally said, remembering how little she cared about their antics in the moment compared to how distracting it was sitting on a car hood next to Mona, some form of subtle physical contact present the entire time.

“Yeah, ‘cos I have a bigger dick than the both of them combined.”

“Why else would I pick you?” Lexi joked, trying to ignore the sensations stirred up by not just what she said, but by all of the memories being face to face stirred up.

“Ah, the infamous question,” Mona said with a smirk, but something in her tone caught Lexi’s attention.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lexi asked, her face curious.

“That’s a question I’ve been asked by a number of people,” Mona replied after a long moment.

“What?” Lexi said incredulously. “By who?”

“Might be easier to ask who hasn’t.” Mona smirked and wiggled her eyebrows in an attempt to lighten the mood. She wasn’t lying; no point. On a number of occasions Logan and Colt has asked the same thing, usually in a fit of rage followed by implications that great sex was the only thing Mona could possibly offer. Hell, even Lexi’s dad cornered her when she was waiting for her trial, asking why the hell his perfect daughter wanted anything to do with the likes of her. Mona never allowed herself to dwell too much on how much that stung, mostly because she figured she brought it on herself. That was the persona she created, wasn’t it? Someone who would be there for the thrill of the moment but little more?

Mona sighed and took a swig of beer. The conversation was getting too serious, and serious conversation meant a ticking time bomb that Mona did not want to deal with in the middle of a shitty bar. Mona looked to her right, observing the dance floor as the music changed. “Let’s dance.”

Lexi hesitated, chewing the inside of her lip. She knew in her current state there would be a fine line that would be easy to cross with Mona. But tonight was supposed to be about being careless, and if this wasn’t, she didn’t know what else would be.

Lexi finished off her beer and walked toward the dance floor, grabbing Mona’s wrist and pulling on her. Mona followed without protest, both pissed and exhilarated at the palpable energy between them. Lexi stopped in the middle of the dance floor, turning toward Mona as she let go of her wrist. Lexi closed her eyes, letting herself feel the music. She moved her hips side to side, one hand going to her hair as the other moved up her side slowly to rest on her hip.

Mona watched Lexi lose herself to the beat, completely enraptured. In many ways Lexi reminded her of the eighteen year old girl she knew, but in so many more ways she was completely foreign. Her confidence, however naive it may have been, was one of the things that attracted Mona to her. Then Lexi’s eyes opened, meeting Mona’s gaze with such intensity that Mona’s breath caught. That was another.

Mona slowly walked toward her, sliding her hands around Lexi’s waist and matching the movement of her body to Lexi’s. Lexi turned quickly and leaned into Mona, her hand going into Mona’s hair. Mona nestled her face into Lexi’s exposed neck, breathing in her scent of warm vanilla. Mona’s hands roamed across Lexi’s abdomen, then slowly, cautiously down Lexi’s thighs. She gently scraped her nails back up Lexi’s sides, causing Lexi to shiver, goosebumps raising across her whole body.

Lexi spun around, her arms hanging loosely around Mona’s shoulders. Mona leaned forward, breathing ragged as she pressed her forehead to Lexi’s, their bodies continuing to move to the beat. Before either of them processed what they were doing their lips crashed together, mouths immediately opening to deepen the kiss. They stayed like that for a while, stopping only to move together as the songs changed before their mouths found their way back to each other.

“Let’s get out of here,” Lexi breathed against Mona’s mouth. Mona couldn’t hear her over the music, but she didn’t need to hear her to know what she said. Mona didn’t know if it was selfishness or selflessness that made her follow without question, her fingers intertwining with Lexi’s as they made their way to the exit. Of course she wanted this. She knew rationally this wasn’t a good idea. But Lexi initiated it this time; she wanted this, and Mona wanted to give Lexi whatever she wanted. She deserved at least that much. Mona grabbed her jacket before heading outside with Lexi, wrapping her jacket around Lexi’s shoulders before pulling her in. She nipped at Lexi’s neck teasingly, kissing her way up until their mouths met again, where they stayed until their Lyft came.

After a few more heated make out sessions in the back of the Lyft, they made it to Lexi’s studio and entered in silence. Lexi looked the door and leaned against it, watching Mona stand awkwardly near the couch. Lexi’s heart raced at just the sight of her, her stomach tingling with warmth. Mona walked to the bed and sat on the edge, leaning back on her hands as she gazed back at Lexi. Lexi tossed Mona’s jacket onto a nearby chair and silently walked toward her, stopping directly in front of her. She raised a hand, gently moving Mona’s hair away from her eyes and running her fingers down the side of Mona’s face.

Mona’s eyes closed as she swallowed roughly. She was torn between savoring the moment and wanting to stop it because it was getting too intimate, too easy for emotions to get involved. But then Lexi bent down and kissed her softly, and Mona’s thoughts went out the window, lost in every feeling she hadn’t experienced in so long.

Lexi pulled back, only to pull her shirt over her head, then kissed Mona again. Lexi toyed with the thin straps of Mona’s dress, pulling them down slowly to expose her bare chest as Mona’s hands went to Lexi’s bra. Mona unhooked and pulled it off, kissing and biting down Lexi’s neck as Lexi pressed crescents into Mona’s shoulders.

Mona stood and turned Lexi around, pushing her onto the bed before climbing up her body. Mona licked a slow trail up Lexi’s stomach, between her breasts, then took one into her mouth. Lexi gasped and cradled Mona’s head, her hips moving against Mona of their own volition.

Lexi flipped Mona quickly with surprising speed, stunning Mona slightly before earning a grin. Lexi held Mona’s wrists down, raising an eyebrow as she looked down on Mona. Mona didn’t fight it, soon focused on Lexi’s mouth moving down her body. Mona’s hands roamed every inch of skin she could grasp as Lexi’s grip loosened, desperation building with the anticipation.

Lexi pulled Mona’s dress down as she went, grasping the sides of her underwear and removing them with the dress. Lexi sat up, her eyes roaming Mona’s body as she took a mental picture of the beauty laying before her. Mona’s creamy skin, every dip and curve of her body, her long legs, the need and longing in her eyes…

Lexi bent down and ran a hand up Mona’s inner thighs, her mouth following the trail of her hands. Mona’s chest rose and fell rapidly, growing impatient at the lack of contact. She pulled Lexi up forcefully, pushing a rough kiss to her lips.

“This is why I fucking hate pants,” she mumbled against Lexi’s mouth as she reached down to fumble with the offending article of clothing. Lexi chuckled but was cut off by Mona resuming the kiss, having unbuttoned and unzipped Lexi’s pants. Lexi assisted Mona in pushing them down with her underwear, laughing between kisses for no reason. Once Lexi’s pants were off, she grasped Mona’s wrists and pinned them above her head once again.

“You interrupted me,” Lexi whispered, intertwining their fingers as she kissed her way down Mona’s neck with a nip to her shoulder. Lexi took her time, swirling her tongue down Mona’s skin. She stopped right above Mona’s center, earning a frustrated growl from Mona.

“Maybe you’ll follow directions better from now on,” Lexi said lowly, nipping the inside of Mona’s thigh. Mona’s breath hitched; what the fuck? This was completely new to her. She was not one to hand over control easily, but something about Lexi’s expression told her to give in. Mona huffed and tried to relax into the bed, closing her eyes and focusing on Lexi’s movements. Not soon enough, she felt Lexi’s mouth against her, her tongue slowly running up the length of her. She gasped, gripping the sheets in response. God, she hadn’t felt this good in so, so long.

Lexi continued her motions, her hands roaming every inch of Mona’s skin. Lexi began to gently suck, bringing on an entirely new sensation and Mona closer to the edge. She savored every moment, every taste of Mona that she could, the anxiety of their history present even still. Mona breathed out affirmations, her body moving against Lexi’s mouth as her orgasm built. Mona grasped Lexi’s hair with one hand, her hips lifting as she spasmed with each wave of pleasure. Lexi took in her taste one last time before being forcefully pulled up and pushed on her back. Mona leveled her face with Lexi’s and straddled her hips, her breathing still heavy. Mona stared into Lexi’s eyes as she ran her hand slowly down Lexi’s body until she touched Lexi’s center.

Mona ran her middle finger up and down Lexi’s wetness before inserting a finger, earning a soft moan from Lexi. Lexi wrapped her arms around Mona’s shoulders, foreheads pressed together as Mona inserted another finger and slowly thrust in and out. Lexi kissed Mona urgently, one hand cupping Mona’s cheek as she got lost in the sensations. This was what she couldn’t let go of. She had never had the kind of passion, the connection in and out of the bedroom that she inexplicably had with Mona. Here, in this moment, she felt more alive and whole than she had since they met.

Lexi’s hips moved against Mona’s hand more urgently, their kisses sloppy and rough as she drove Lexi over the edge, earning a slew of curse words from Lexi in the heat of the moment, much to Mona’s delight. They held each other close for a moment, Mona’s face in the crook of Lexi’s neck as their heart rates slowed. Lexi’s hand went to Mona’s hair, gently stroking it and reveling in the softness.

Mona pulled her head back slightly and Lexi turned her head toward Mona, their gazes locked and intense. Mona searched Lexi’s face - for what, she didn’t know, but all she saw was tenderness, caring for that Lexi didn’t deserve to be wasting on her. She felt such a swell of emotion, such affection for this girl so willing to give her everything in this moment, without question. She felt a lump in her throat and swallowed before rolling on top of Lexi and pressing a kiss to her lips with a smirk.

“I’m not done with you yet.”

—-

Lexi didn’t typically wake up in the middle of the night, but she started to dream she was peeing which quickly disturbed her sleep. As she came to, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she became conscious of her lack of clothing, which spurred on a flood of memories from the night. Lexi then realized the other side of the bed was empty and shot up quickly, seeing Mona across the room fully dressed, shrugging her jacket off.

Lexi saw fire. She was immediately taken back to all of the years she spent mourning the loss of her first love, the nights she spent laying awake in guilt, wondering why she wasn’t enough. She leapt our of bed, grabbing a robe off her desk chair and hastily tying it around her waist.

“So we’re back to this, huh?” Lexi shouted angrily as she stopped in front of Mona, folding her arms across her chest. Mona’s shoulders dropped as she turned to look at Lexi. She stayed silent, knowing Lexi had more to say and also knowing she deserved every word. It was purely selfish of Mona to come back. She didn’t know why she still cared, why she was still so attached to this person. But she also knew that part of caring for someone was doing what was best for them, and no good could come out of Mona being in Lexi’s life. She had to let her go.

“You started this, Mona. You came here. You asked me out tonight. And for what? To fall off the grid again, for a decade this time?!” Lexi knew she sounded like a shrill lunatic, but she didn’t care. Her heart felt crushed all over again, and she was angry. Angry at Mona for doing this again, but mostly angry at herself for thinking it would be anything different.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Mona finally responded, and it was the honest to goddamn truth. That was a mistake as it seemed to anger Lexi more.

“You sure said a lot in my bed a few hours ago,” Lexi spat, overcome with rage. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Mona had to laugh. What wasn’t wrong with her? “I spent my entire young adulthood stuck because I couldn’t move on. I couldn’t let you go. But you had no fucking problem writing me off, giving me just enough to keep me hanging on. Was that what you wanted all along? To have someone who you could pull back and forth like a goddamn yo-yo?!”

“Of course not,” Mona snapped, her brows furrowing. “It’s not like that. I just...I don’t have an explanation for you. I never promised you anything.”

“You’ve got some fucking nerve, you know that? You sure know how to reel ‘em in, then as soon as you sink your teeth in you just—“

“What do you want me to do?” Mona shouted in frustration, her tolerance for being berated at its limit. She had always been honest about her behaviors, but Lexi was the only other person aside from herself that she’d gone out of her way to protect, on multiple occasions like a complete dumbass. Every decision in the aftermath of Mona’s mistakes had been with Lexi’s best interest in mind, and here she was being yelled at for it. She wasn’t fucking equipped to be everything Lexi needed, deserved all at once.

“I want you to stay!” Lexi’s eyes were burning, her voice shaky as she was on the verge of tears. All of this and she was going to lose her, again. “I want you to give a shit. Really, truly give a shit. Damnit,” Lexi cursed, wiping at the corners of her eyes harshly as they continued to well up. They stared at each other in tense silence, both of their chests heaving from the heat of the moment. Mona looked away first, shifting in place.

“I...look, I only came to give you some semblance of closure.” Nothing else had worked. Mona went with what she was good at: detachment.

Lexi balked, half choking on her own saliva. “Excuse me?”

“You were still writing me after six years, I’d say you needed closure,” Mona reiterated, her expression flat. “What did you think was going to happen, Lexi? That you’d become some hotshot lawyer with a criminal girlfriend waiting for you at home? Get your head out of the clouds.”

Lexi knew what Mona was doing. But something clicked in her mind, and she was tired. She was tired of beating at Mona’s walls, watching them slowly crumble just to have her pull back and reinforce them with steel. She deserved someone who wanted her back; she deserved better than this. She chuckled darkly, shaking her head before meeting Mona’s gaze intensely.

“Okay,” Lexi replied. “Thanks for the ‘closure’, I guess. Lock the door on your way out, will you?”

Lexi turned and walked to the bathroom, determined not to let Mona see how deeply she’d been affected. She closed the door behind her, sitting on the toilet and wrapping her arms around her middle. It was a few minutes later that Lexi heard the creak of the door opening followed by a click as it closed. Almost immediately her head fell into her hands, her body wracking with silent sobs over the same damn woman.

[pennywaltzy]

💬

So this is from one of my personal faves I’ve written in, like, forever, that also is still well loved by a ton of people (and is also reminding me to get more written on the alternate take on the prompt I have as a WIP currently), because I think it was one of the first Sherlock fics I wrote that blended fantasy with that particular series, which truth be told was not something I often did in that way (like, I have a Buffyverse/CSIverse series I co-write with @fadeddreaming , but that’s not taking the CSIverse and writing a fantasy AU...something I never did in that fandom, I think, though it probably would have kicked all the ass).

Anyway, here’s a snippet from “love is a battle, love is a war” (Sherlock; Sherlolly, NC-17)

“You are a cold and callous bitch,” Sherlock said under his breath.

“Excuse me?” she said, turning to face him. Even with her heels he was still taller than her, and he stared her down. She projected as much bravado as she could but he could see that she was slightly unnerved.

“I said you're a cold and callous bitch,” he said, moving closer. “You could have at least pretended to feel sorry for your sister instead of acting this way. You're absolutely gleeful this has happened to her because it means you can finally erase all your ties to this village and your past. No family left, no childhood home...you'll probably milk your sister's disappearance for all it's worth to get sympathy. Once you have that you'll use it for your advantage and then you'll forget all about her unless it's convenient to remember.”

Emily looked shocked, and then she got angry. “Just because you're some world famous detective doesn't mean you know a damned thing about me,” she said, straightening up.

“Sherlock, it's all right,” Molly said quietly.

“No,” Sherlock said, shaking his head. “No, Molly, it is not all right. You deserve to be treated better than this by your family.”

“Give us a few moments, all right?” she said to him, putting a hand on his arm. “Please?”

He looked over at her intently, and then sighed. “Fine. But I'll be nearby if you need me.”

“Let's go into the sitting room,” Molly told Emily. Molly led the way and Emily stopped when she saw Isabella. “We'll be just a moment, Isabella.”

Isabella looked at Emily, who had a smug look on her face. “If you upset Molly I will make you regret it,” Isabella said quietly, setting down her tea. The smug look quickly disappeared off Emily's face as Isabella stood and then moved towards Molly, patting her arm. “Sherlock and I will be waiting in the kitchen, dear.” Sherlock headed into the kitchen first with Isabella following him. He shut the door for a moment, then opened it a crack. He debated something for a moment and then quietly cast a spell under his breath. “Eavesdropping isn't nice, William,” she replied as she sat at the table.

“I want to ensure neither of us need to take steps,” he said before focusing on Molly and her sister's conversation.

“I want the house and the property,” Emily was saying. “I never understood why Mum left it to you alone instead of both of us, but with your upcoming disappearance I can do what I want with it.”

“And what do you want to do with it?” Molly asked, taking a sip of her tea.

“Tear it down and build a nicer place. A bigger place than this three bedroom shack. I'll get rid of the trees and the pond and I'll make this a place I can entertain clients at when I don't want to wine and dine them in London.”

“Please don't,” Molly pleaded.

“Why shouldn't I?” Emily said. “It's not as though I have any sentimental attachments to this place. It was always obvious our mother and father preferred you. Especially our mother. When it came to the three of us she loved Dad the most, then you, and then me. In fact, sometimes I wondered if she loved you more than Dad.” She leaned in. “What made you so special, Mousy Molly?”

“Please don't call me that,” she said, looking down. “I'm sorry you felt that way, but she loved you just as much as she loved me. You have to believe that.”

“We must have grown up in two different households, because that's not the way I remember things,” she said. “You were always her favorite.”

Molly sighed. “I don't want to get into this now. You won't believe anything I have to say about it so there's no point.”

“All right, then let's talk about something else,” Emily said. “I was quite surprised to see the illustrious Sherlock Holmes here. Did he finally decide to see you as more than just his pet pathologist? Are you two having a wild fling before you get taken away?” There was a pause. “Is he as good in bed as it's claimed?”

“I'm not having that discussion with you,” she said a bit more forcefully as she looked up at her sister again.

“So you're not shagging him?” Emily said in a surprised tone. “I'd have thought the only reason he'd be here was so you could get at least one pity shag before you went away. I have to say, I'm disappointed in you. I mean, you managed to land Tom, not that he was that much of a catch. He even agreed to marry you until you broke it off. I thought for sure you had at least a few feminine wiles to snag Sherlock Holmes.”

“We're friends. Nothing more,” she replied insistently.

“But you still want to be more,” Emily said as she leaned forward. “That pathetic crush you've harbored as long as you've known him is still there. You're going to spend the next two days pining after him and when you do disappear he'll be your one regret. I say start crying about your fate and then seduce him. Go out with a bang and not a whimper.”

He watched Molly straighten up slightly. “That's if I go,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Emily asked. “You're thirty-five, you have the mark. There's no way you're going to get out of this and you know it.”

“There might be,” she said.

“If Hell froze over, but other than that? I just don't see that happening.” She stood up. “Make sure I get the house and the property here. If not I'll bury whoever you decide to leave it to in legal proceedings until they're bankrupt, then I'll buy the property and do what I please with it. Have fun with the fair folk, Molly.” She moved out of the sitting room and went to the front door, opening it quickly and then closing it more forcefully than she really needed to.

Molly hunched over, covering her face with her hands, and Sherlock could tell she was sobbing. He wanted to go out and comfort her just as soon as he punched her sister in the face. He never had the urge to hit a woman but it was so strong it was all he could do to keep himself in check. He tensed up until he felt Isabella's hand on his shoulder. “She's always been that way,” she said quietly.

“Emily?” he asked, turning away from the door and looking at her.

Isabella nodded. “Bitterness and resentment have taken residence in her heart for as long as I can remember. She was always convinced Molly was the most loved of the two of them, even though Norma really did love them both equally. Norma just knew this was coming when Molly turned thirty-five and she was doing everything she could to keep it from coming to fruition. Emily must have sensed that and convinced herself that her mother saw her as second best.”

“I want to hurt her very badly,” he said quietly. “Preferably physically.”

“Don't use your new found abilities to get revenge,” she said. “I have from today until whatever point tomorrow my life ends to ensure she regrets her decision to treat her sister so awfully. It will be my last gift to Molly.” She nodded towards the door then. “We need to take her mind off of all this. She doesn't need to be saddened right now when she's so worried.”

FOR EVERY 💬 I GET IN MY INBOX, I’LL POST A QUOTE FROM MY OWN WRITING THAT I’M PROUD OF!

[hymn2000]

Hope I’ve Got Something To Lose - MCU AU fanfic - C7

Story overview: Peter has an accident, and Tony makes a drastic decision. In the midst of everything, a face from the past reappears - but Peter isn’t too sure about reconnecting after everything that’s happened.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Part of my irondad and spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: injury, hospital stuff, hurt/comfort, mental health stuff, family stuff

Disclaimer: I have no idea how to write suspense/do mood setting so you’ll have to use your imaginations I’m sorry

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 7 - Hitting The Ditches

-

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“I know what you’re doing” Peter said. “But why?”

“Because you looked like you needed one”

Peter merely rested his cheek against her shoulder. She made him feel so small. He could smell her sweet perfume and feel the warmth of her arms round him. Slowly, he returned the hug.

“I never wanted to upset you” Liz said. “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I’m glad you’re ok again now”

“Sorry for rambling at you like that”

“Don’t be”

She let go of him slowly, and moved back. They looked at each other.

“You look good” Liz said. “Navy suits you. And I like your shoes”

“Oh. Thanks” Peter said, looking down at his feet. “They always remind me of the main character from Flushed Away”

Liz looked at him blankly.

“You know. The film? The one about the rats?”

Liz shook her head. “I haven’t seen it”

“Never mind then..”

“I’ll put it on my list of stuff to watch”

“Yeah...”

Peter looked away, and saw the pool. He started over to it, and Liz followed him, sitting down cross-legged at the side when they reached it.

“Did you see the host? He doesn’t strike me as a swimmer” Peter said, touching the surface of the water with his fingertips. “What a waste”

“He looks like one of those men who spends most days sat in an armchair smoking a pipe, doesn’t he?” Liz said. “...You said you’re on the swim team at your school”

Peter nodded. “I didn’t really want to join, but they wrote to my parents asking me, and dad was pretty stern about it. I was still gonna say no, but I ended up joining anyway”

“Is it fun?”

“Well, the before and after bits of training can be fun, and sometimes when we’re competing we all go on a mini-bus together, and that can be fun too”

“Don’t you like it?”

“Not really. It’s just so repetitive. I’ve always kinda liked swimming, but there’s such a big difference between messing-about-in-a-pool swimming and competitive swimming. There’s nothing fun about swimming up and down, up and down, and relays are even worse. And medley relays are the worst thing ever”

“I’ve never really done swimming that wasn’t messing about. if you don’t like it, why don’t you quit?”

Peter looked down at the water. “I’ve been meaning to for a while now, but it’s not that easy. The coach likes me cos I win a lot, and dad’ll get real upset with me if I quit”

“It’s not his life, Peter”

“I know that. But I don’t wanna upset him, and I don’t know if I could deal with one of those; ‘you’re giving up something you’re really good at’ talks where they start saying you’re throwing your life away or whatever. He keeps trying to get me to apply for some national competitions and stuff like that. And he’s always getting at me to practice”

“Have you got a pool at home then?”

Peter nodded. “I used to love it, but I don’t anymore. I can’t just go and mess about, cos dad’ll start asking how my practice is going and then try and act coach and it does my head in, so I don’t go down there much anymore. But then he gets angry at that too. But not so much recently. Because of my ribs...”

“What happened to you?”

“It doesn’t matter”

“You lied to me”

Peter looked up at her. “What do you mean?”

“You said your life was better now, but you sound miserable”

“I-I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. I’m not enjoying the swim team stuff, but that’s not really a big thing right now, anyway”

“It’s not just because of the swimming”

“I’m fine. I just didn’t really want to come tonight. I hate these kinda parties. It’s the worst part about having celebrities as parents. Especially when they’re as famous as dad”

“Can I ask you something about that? How do you differentiate between them when they’re both... dads?”

“Oh? Oh! Oh. Well, I just call them both dad, mostly, especially when we’re at home. But I call Loki ‘daddy Loki’ sometimes” Peter said, and suddenly felt a bit stupid. “I don’t really think about it, to be honest. But Loki is daddy more often than Mr Stark is”

“Do you like it?”

“What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. We get on really well. We’re friends. We were friends before, basically family. We still are”

Liz opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, there was a shout.

“Little Brother!”

Peter looked round, and his face lit up when he saw Alison. She had a friend with her. Alison ran over, knelt down, and hugged Peter tight.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here, Little Brother!” she grinned, squeezing him and kissing his cheek. “How are you doing? I heard you had a bit of an accident and ended up in hospital”

Peter just hugged her back.

“Oh, Peter, this is Evangeline. Our parents have been friends for years”

“Most people call me Gilly” Evangeline said, smiling at him.

“Sorry” Liz said. “But, Little Brother?”

“Ah, it’s just a school thing” Alison said. “So, you know Peter, and I’ve introduced Evangeline. I’m Ali. And you’re..?”

“Liz” Liz said. “We used to go to school together. A long time ago”

“Oh cool. Nice to meet you” Ali smiled.

“Nice to meet you. So, this Little Brother thing?”

Oh” Ali gave Peter a squeeze. “Well, Peter started in the middle of the term. We’ve got a scheme at St Hendricks where they give one of us older ones the role of taking care of the kids like Peter, showing them around and checking up on them and all that kind of thing. So I’m his Big Sister, and he’s my Little Brother. He’s such a sweetie, isn’t he?”

Liz smiled and nodded. 

“So, Little Bro, this place seems a bit of a mystery, don’t you think? Old guy in the middle of nowhere, Victorian looking, living in what basically looks like a Victorian mansion, and the party is only in about three rooms, right at the front. There’s a huge building here to explore”

“I heard that this place is haunted” Gilly said. “I heard, that the ghost of an old woman wanders the corridors but never goes downstairs. And apparently all of the paintings on the wall change every time you look at them”

“Oh, you can’t really believe that” Ali said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“Well, there’s definitely something funny about this place” Liz said. 

Peter looked at Ali. Ali searched his face, and nodded.

“Ok, let’s do it” she said, standing up. 

The other three stood up as well.

“What are we doing?” Gilly asked. 

“We’re going to explore, of course!” Ali said. “We’ve just got to slip through that door at the back. It’ll be fine”

Peter looked at Liz. She seemed a little unsure. He took a breath, and held a hand out to her. She took it.

-

Undetected, the four managed to slip through the heavy white doors at the end of the entrance hall. The atmosphere was immediately different once the door was closed behind them. They could still dimly hear the party sounds, but they sounded much further away than they really were. Where they were now was dark, and everything felt a little wobbly and strange. Where they stood in the huge hallway, they were faced with an enormous staircase. It led up to a platform by a large window, and the banisters continued round on either side, up several more steps to another landing stage and staircase. The moonlight was the main source of light, and it bathed everything in a milky, ethereal light.

“It looks like something from Beauty And The Beast” Gilly said.

“Oooh, does that mean we’ll find a magic rose if we find our way to one of the turrets?” Ali said. “Come on, then”

They started up the staircase. It creaked ominously, and they all froze and quickly checked behind them.

“No one’s going to hear: it’s too loud in there” Liz said quietly.

“Then why are you whispering?” Ali said, but she grinned. “Maybe we should try to stay quiet anyway”

They stopped at the top of the staircase, backs to the window, looking left and right.

“Which way should we go?” Gilly asked.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Liz said.

“We’re not doing any harm” Ali said. She pointed to the staircase to her right. “Let’s go up this one”

So they did. As they set foot on the top step, a loud clunk sounded, and a clock sounding the half hour echoed round the hallway, making them all jump.

“This is scarier than I thought it was going to be” Liz whispered, slowly letting go of Peter’s arm. “Are you ok?”

Peter nodded and gave her the thumbs-up sign. They went over to the grandfather clock which had caused the alarm. It was big, and terribly old, with faded plates in the clock face. It seemed to tick almost excessively loudly.

“It sounds like it’s coming from behind us as well” Ali said, shuddering. “I bet there’s a whole load more of them in this place”

“I’ll bet!” Gilly nodded. “I bet we’ll stumble across some kind of disused nursery full of creepy old Victorian toys at some point”

“Oh, don’t start telling stories, please” Liz begged. “This place is creepy enough without thinking about that kind of thing. I think you’ve already scared Peter: he’s gone so quiet”

Ali giggled at the look on Gilly’s face. “Don’t look so worried! Peter doesn’t ever speak: it’s nothing to do with you”

Liz looked at Ali, and then back at Peter for clarification. Peter merely shrugged. He looked around them. There was only one door they could go through. He went over and tried the handle. It turned easily, but squeaked horribly as he eased the door open. The other three joined behind him, peering into the dark corridor behind the door. There were no windows, so it was pitch black. Gilly shuddered.

“This place is giving me the creeps” she said.

“It’s only because it’s dark” Ali said, taking her phone out and turning the torch on. “There. We can see where we’re going now. Go on, Little Brother”

Peter stepped into the corridor, and the others followed. The door clicked shut behind them. 

“Umm...”

“It’s fine” Ali said. “It wasn’t locked. Come on! I bet there’s a whole load of stuff to discover here” 

Her phone torch wasn’t bright enough to illuminate the whole corridor. She moved it around, so they could see the carpet, the bottom part of the wall, and the paintings higher up. 

“This is so weird”

“It’s like being in a time warp” Liz said. “There’s not even any plug sockets or light switches”

“I told you this place was haunted” Gilly hissed. 

“Of course it’s not haunted” Ali rolled her eyes. “It’s just an old house. There’s no such thing as-”

Liz suddenly squeaked and grabbed at Peter.

“Something moved..!”

They all looked at her, and Ali lifted her phone, shining the torch across the hallway. They saw nothing. Ali held her phone still - and a huge shadow ran across the beam of light. Liz and Ali gave a little shriek.

“What was that?!”

They looked at each other. It didn’t make any sense. There wasn’t any windows - so how could anything make a shadow like that? Ali spotted the door at the other end of the corridor.

“Come on, quick!”

They ran, and Ali grabbed the door handle. It wouldn’t open.

“It’s locked!” she looked up, and tried the door on the left. “Oh, thank god”

They slammed the door behind them once they were free of the hallway. They all shivered. This was different, all great stone bricks, and it was cold. They found they were stood at the bottom of a spiralling stone staircase. 

“I don’t know about this” Liz said, holding tight to Peter’s arm. 

“There’s no going back now” Ali said determinedly. 

She took hold of the rope serving as a hand rail, and bravely started her ascent. The others had no choice but to follow.

-

The room the four teens found themselves in was well enough lit by the moon for Ali to turn off her phone torch. They stood looking at the strange round room. It was uncarpeted, with a stone floor. 

“What is this place?” Gilly said, looking at the wooden boxes scattered about. “Some kind of storage room?”

Peter knelt down and tried to prize the lid off one of the boxes, but it was nailed shut.

“There’s another staircase here”

Liz had opened a door on the other side of the room, discovering another spiralling staircase. The other three came over.

“Well, it’s gotta be better than staying up here” Ali said, taking the lead and starting downwards. 

Gilly went next. Liz stopped, looking at Peter.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

Peter nodded, and gestured for her to go before him.

-

Ali stopped at a window. Through it, she could see across and down to one of the rooms where the party was happening. It was so bright in comparison to everything else that it looked almost orange. 

“Wait, this doesn’t make any sense. Guys, look”

They did. 

“We went up stairs on the same side of the building as the party rooms. How can we be looking at it from the other side?”

No one had an answer, so they didn’t say anything. Ali watched for a moment longer, and then turned her attention back to the dark room she was in. 

“Ok, so what we know-”

They heard a door opening a few rooms away, and footsteps approaching.

“Hide!”

They thanked their lucky stars that they were in a well furnished room. Peter grabbed Liz and ducked down behind the grand piano, while Ali hid under the coffee table, and Gilly behind the heavy curtains. She only just made it before the door opened. They all stayed as still as possible, their hands over their mouths to stop themselves being heard. Peter couldn’t see anything from behind the piano, but he could hear the footsteps. He closed his eyes and started counting in his head. 

It wasn’t long before the door closed again. They waited a while longer, until they were certain the coast was clear, and then emerged from their hiding places.

“Do you think people have noticed we’re gone?” Liz whispered.

Ali slipped her hand into Peter’s pocket, checking his phone.

“No, we’re clear: Peter’s dads would’ve texted if they’d realised” She said.

Peter put his phone back, and looked towards the other door, not the one The Person had entered through. The girls looked too.

“May as well continue on” Gilly said. “We’ve got nothing to lose”

-

Gilly looked at everyone with a kind of anxious pride when they pushed the door open. 

“I told you we’d find something like this!”

The air felt heavy, and Peter rather felt like he was being watched. He tried hard to ignore it. This room was definitely a nursery, and a big one at that. There was a huge rocking horse by the fire place, with horrible staring glazed over glass eyes and half-open mouth with bared teeth. Peter touched its mane cautiously. 

“I bet that’s real hair” Ali said, touching its tail with similar caution. “That’s what they used to do, use real horse hair”

“It’s spooky” Gilly said. “Why is everything in here old? How old is the host?”

“God knows”

“I don’t like this” Liz whispered. “Isn’t that shelf creeping you out?”

There was a shelf absolutely full of old china dolls, clad in Victorian style dresses, their tiny china hands reaching out towards them. They all looked, their hearts thumping. There was a huge doll sat in a chair by the shelf, and as they looked at her, her arm dropped to her side. Liz squeaked and grabbed Peter.

“Did you see that?!” she gasped. “We need to get out of here!”

“It’s just an old doll: it’s nothing” Ali said, trying to convince herself as well as the others. 

They all became aware of the ticking of a clock, just as loud as the grandfather clock that had scared them earlier. Peter squeezed Liz’s hand tight, looking round the room. He could hear his pulse thumping in his ears. He looked at the dolls, at the rocking horse, the huge dolls house, the shelf full of toys that looked as old as the war. There was a little dresser over by the door. Peter took a deep breath and went over to it. Liz kept hold of his hand and went too, dreading seeing something other than herself reflected in the mirror. They looked at the little mirror, at the old style hand mirror and matching brush, and the big music box. It was pretty, glass, with a little ballerina on top. Peter went to touch it, and as he did, the ballerina started turning, and with it, music started playing. Peter could only stare, his eyes wide.

“Peter, we need to leave!” Liz hissed, her voice shaking. 

She turned round, making Peter follow. The four of them looked at each other.

“Liz is right: there’s something wrong here” Gilly nodded. “Let’s go”

They all nodded - and then froze. There was a loud creaking sound. They looked at each other and then looked towards the window where the sound appeared to be coming from. There they noticed a rocking chair, creaking on its rockers - and a woman shrouded in white sat in it.

*

[themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy]

James Potter x reader where the readers parents found out about the two of them dating and very much disapprove as they support You-Know-Who. Her mum freaks saying she must find someone who is like their kind and not a Blood Traitor. Shea broken hearted cause she doesn't want to end it with James as the two of them love each other. Angsty and fluff ♥️ Bravo work lovey

A Rock and a Hard Place- James Potter x Reader

Summary: Y/N’s parents are pretentious pure blood slytherins, and when they find out she is dating James Potter, they have some things to say.

Word Count: 2579 (longest one so far)

A/N: Wowowow this request got me effed up heheheheh WOWOWOWOW that was long as f.

I’ll see you at the start of term next week babe, love you. She finished up her letter to James, and tied it to the leg of her owl, sending it out the window. She heard heavy footsteps rushing up the stairs and hastily shoved his letter to her in a drawer. Her door was thrown against the wall as her parents burst in, faces red with anger. She backed against the wall, quite afraid of why they were so angry. Had they found out?!

“Why did James Potter just send a letter to you? Y/N, we expected so much more of you! You think we don’t intercept the mail? He’s a blood traitor, and so are all of his friends! Such lineage should not be wasted on helping muggleborns, and our lineage will not be wasted because you have feelings for a blood traitor. You send a letter to him right now young lady and tell him that you will not be dating him any longer.” Your eyes widened and filled with tears as your mom ruined your relationship with the boy you loved.

“We knew something was going on when you refused to join the Dark Lord, but we never thought you would betray wizard kind on this kind of a level. You are a disgrace to this family, and to the Dark Lord.” Your dad spat, and you snapped.

“You have NO idea who he is. He’s ten times the person either of you will ever be and I hope that when you’re burning in hell for what you’ve done, that you regret being such hypocritical arseholes!” and with that, you pushed your shell shocked parents out of the room, and began frantically tossing things into your trunk. There was a magical expansion spell on your trunk so you could fit everything you needed. You didn’t know where you were going to go, but anywhere was better than the hell hole you were living in.

After you had gathered all your belongings, you took a deep breath, held your head up high, and stomped down the stairs, trunk bouncing along with each step you took.

“Y/N Y/L/N, get your blood traitor arse back up into that room and wait for us to call you down. We’ve arranged a meeting with the Dark Lord that will hopefully set you straight.” Your mother snarled, pointing to your room. You ignored her however, marching down the stairs once more. You tried to drown out the, “Don’t you dare walk out of that door,” and, “Don’t bother coming back,” that you were getting from your parents, and strutted right out of the door, and onto the driveway, saying goodbye to your family’s awful manor. You stuck out your wand arm, and within an instant, a huge purple bus came hurtling down the street, and screeched to a halt before you.

You were escorted onto the bus and to one of the beds in the back, and as you were thrown around while turning corners, you decided on staying at the leaky cauldron. The bus dropped you off and sped away, and you wrote to James the second you got settled into your room.

“Dear James,

My parents found out about us. They said that I had to write to you and break up with you, but I didn’t really want to, so I left. I’m staying in the leaky cauldron, room 206, if you want to come keep me company for the day. If all goes well, neither of us will ever have to deal with my parents again. I love you.

~ Y/N”

You sent the letter using the pub’s owl, seeing as yours was still on its way to James with your first letter. You flopped back down on the bed and sighed.

Only a day after you had sent the letter to James, he had come tumbling out of the fireplace in your room, coughing and sputtering. His glasses had flown across the room when he had shot out, and you snatched them up for him. He rushed to you and squeezed you so hard, you thought you were going to suffocate. You wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your head into his shoulder, feeling him grip you even tighter. He had met your family only once before, he had stood up for you when they were berating you in public, but he hadn’t seen them since they found out the two of you were dating.

“James, I can’t live on my own, I-I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do.” You sobbed, clinging onto him as though your life depended on it. You supposed it did. He supported you more than anyone, no matter what. He leaned back and cupped your cheeks, gazing into your E/C eyes with his amber ones.

“Darling, breathe with me. It’s going to be fine, mum has already agreed to let you live with us. You’ll be well taken care of, I promise.”

You shook your head in protest when James offered to let you move in, but he cut you off.

“Don’t even start. You’re always welcome, you know that. Mum and dad haven’t even met you, but they already love you, and you won’t be any sort of trouble. I think Sirius is more trouble than you are and they had no problem adjusting to him. Please darling, I need you safe.” He finished, exhaling as he held you even tighter, still holding eye-contact.

You took one look at his deep brown irises and tears splashed down your face again. He wiped them away with his thumbs, the soothing back-and-forth motions calmed you until all that was left of the tears were shimmery trails where they had slid down your face.

“Are you ready to head back to my house love, or do you want to spend one more night here? I’ll stay with you if you wanna stay here.” You mulled it over for a bit and realized that there was no point in delaying the inevitable, you were so scared to meet James’ parents. What if they didn’t want you to date their son anymore? What if they thought you were a bother, and didn’t really want to take you in? Your thought swirled around inside your head until they were a constant flurry of negative thoughts spiraling around. James sensed your doubts and squeezed you a bit tighter, “we can stay one more night love, but I promise they’re fine with all of this. I think they’d be upset if you didn’t come stay with us at some point - I warned them from the beginning that your parents weren’t the best” He assured you, and seeing as it was quite late, he wrapped you up in his arms, carried you over to the big four poster bed, and crawled under the covers, holding you the whole night.

You woke up to small kisses being placed all over your face, and you blinked repeatedly, confused as to where you were. The events of the past two days hit you like a truck, and you flipped over to see James smiling at you, his grin brighter than the sun itself. He greeted you with a gruff, “Mornin’ princess” and leaned in to kiss you deeply. You couldn’t help it, you smiled into the kiss, and felt him do the same. The two of you spent the morning basking in each other’s presence. At about noon, James reluctantly got up and reminded you that they had to get to his parent’s by one, for a late lunch. Your stomach turned over at the thought of meeting your boyfriend’s parents, always a daunting task, and rolled out of bed, pulling on one of James’ jumpers as well as some jeans. He walked out of the bathroom, just as you were swooping your hair up into a messy bun. He stopped and smiled at you, it was finally sinking in that he had you back. You were back. You were back and you were his and by god, he was never letting you go. He helped you wrap up your stuff, shoving it haphazardly into your trunk, and hooked his arm around yours. He led you to the fireplace and the two of you flooed to his place.

You appeared in the living room of the Potter Manor, and almost instantly you were greeted by a very happy dog. You smiled, remembering James and his stories of his dog. Sirius also came down the stairs, helping you up off the ground, and hugging you extremely tight. You two had bonded over your awful families, that was how you had met James. James went in search of his mum and dad, leaving you, Sirius, and the dog in the living room in wait.

The three of you heard footsteps approaching and you tensed immediately. Were you ready for this? Well, you couldn’t back out now. Oh god, what if they didn’t let you stay, where would you go? Sirius glanced over at you and saw the crease between your eyebrows, quickly grabbing your hand and squeezing it. He too had been nervous, he related to your anxiety, but he knew just as well as James that Euphemia and Fleamont would fall in love with you like James did.

The footsteps got louder, and the door swung open, revealing James, Fleamont, and Euphemia Potter. James rushed and stood by your side, introducing his parents. You introduced yourself and nervously held out your hand for Euphemia to shake, only for her to use it to pull you into a hug. She squeezed you tight, and you saw the parallel between her and her son’s hugs. They were both warm, loving and reassuring, they made you feel at home. She stepped back, holding you at arms length by the shoulders, and smiled.

“Oh, Y/N, darling, you’re even more beautiful than we’ve heard.”

“mUM” James’ cheeks burned red, the tips of his ears also flaming, while his father laughed at him.

“Alright darling, I want to meet her too,” Fleamont switched places with her and also hugged you. You didn’t know what to do. These people were so so so nice and they looked at you as thought you were already a part of their family. You felt so lucky. Fleamont made everyone a cup of tea, and after your little meet and greet you were led up the stairs. James’ father had very boldly stated that the walls were quite thin, and so even though you were sleeping with James, they could hear everything. James had groaned, while you had blushed furiously, Euphemia shrieked and escorted you to James’ room. You had set your trunk down and gone down for lunch.

The next day, around three o’clock, Euphemia trudged up the stairs, a letter from your parents in hand. She frowned, it was a howler but it was one that would only go off once you had touched it. She was going to get your permission to burn it, a magical fire should do the trick. She found the door half open, and peeked in, smiling when she saw you and James curled up on the sofa in his room, talking in hushed tones, James’ fingers tangled in your hair. She hated to interrupt the silence, but she knocked quietly, not wanting to reveal the fact that she’d been watching. Both of your heads turned to look at her in the door, and she stepped in, brandishing the letter.

Your face fell, knowing exactly who it was from.

“I know you probably don’t want to read it, so I’m not going to force you. I was going to ask permission to burn it for you.” Your heart soared, knowing that you had a real family.

“Thank you so much Mrs. Potter, you don’t know how much this means to me, really.” you smiled, getting up as she was beckoning you in for a hug. That was a mistake. Your skin grazed the letter as you pulled away, and the letter began to smoke. Euphemia’s horrified gaze met yours.

“I’m so so sorry dear,” And with that, the letter tore itself out of her hand and hovered in front of your face.

“Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N! YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION TO WIZARDKIND! YOU NOT ONLY BETRAYED OUR FAMILY, YOU ALSO BETRAYED THE NAME OF PUREBLOODS! WE THOUGHT YOU REFUSING THE DARK MARK WAS BAD ENOUGH, BUT YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO MOVE IN WITH THE VERY PEOPLE CONSPIRING AGAINST US! THEY WILL TIRE OF YOU SO QUICKLY YOU WASTE OF SPACE! THEN YOU’LL HAVE NO ONE! YOU’LL HAVE NOWHERE TO GO AND YOU’LL BE ALONE UNTIL THE DAY THAT YOU DIE! WE HOPE YOU KNOW THAT EVERYONE WILL REALIZE HOW USELESS YOU ARE, AND YOU’LL NEVER BE OF ANY HELP TO ANYONE! BUT FINE, RUN TO YOUR PRETTY LITTLE BOYFRIEND, JUST WAIT UNTIL HE FIGURES THAT OUT! HE’LL DROP YOU SO QUICKLY IT’LL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN! NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU, AND YOU ARE BETTER OFF ACCEPTING THAT BEFORE YOU RUIN OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES! DON’T EVER BOTHER SPEAKING TO US AGAIN, WE DON’T WANT YOU”

As the shrill voice of your mother echoed throughout the house, the letter burst into flames and was nothing but a pile of ash when it was done. Your eyes were as big as saucers, tears flowing down your face, some streaming down your chest and stopping on your shirt, forming dark spots. You were frozen in your place and you felt a hand come and gently grab your wrist, pulling you around into James’ chest. He wrapped his arms around you and tears of his own dampened your hair as you sobbed into his chest.

Euphemia backed out of the room, not wanting to disturb the couple. She marched into the office space that she and Fleamont shared, and furiously began writing a howler of her own. The words swirling through her head, she wrote two and a half feet of angry loathsome words flowing through her head, down the quill, into the ink, and spreading on the paper like venom. She closed the letter and made extra sure that the bubotuber pus that she had placed just within the seal was perfectly poised to spring out and spray all over. She sent the letter off with a small smirk, feeling satisfied with her efforts. You had been through too much already, but Euphemia had no idea just how bad it was.

Back in James’ room, the both of you had sunk to the floor, you were curled up in his lap, clutching his shirt like he was your rock. You supposed he was. You were caught between a rock and a hard place but the rock was warm, soft and inviting. The rock soothed your fears and held you when you cried. You came to the realization that he was the one. You smiled a bit through your tears and held him just a little bit closer.

[unbefuckinglieveable]

Remember Me: Part 2

    Angelo looked at the deviant in front of him, Connor looked like head been standing in front of a leaf blower, hair swept back in a messy fashion,the strap of the messenger bag was adjusted awkwardly. Angelo laughed lightly,and then noticed a concerned look on the androids face. “ You androids certainly  don't play around, you said twenty minutes you should have said ten.” He said praising Connor for being so efficient.

    Connor didn't  acknowledge the praise, he didn't deserve it. If Connor had forced Hank to stay, Then they would be at home petting Sumo and Hank would be drinking coffee on his day off in tacky old plaid sweatpants. The would have taken Sumo to the park and play for hours on end.  ‘This is my fault’

     ‘You don't  deserve his forgiveness, Connor.’ The deviant heard in his head, the closest  thing he knew to evil, Amanda.  The voice was startling and when he realised it was her, he groaned. He hadn't  heard from her since the revolution and she tried to force him to murder Jericho’s leader.  

     “You alright there robo-cop?” Angelo said flashing a toothy smile,then he noticed  how unamused Connor looked, sighed, then put a visitor's badge on the table, “ Room 434, he might not re-” Connor was off to the elevator no longer listening. He stood to follow the Android down the hallway. However he got stopped to answer another client's  question watching as Connor climbed into the elevator. Connor just had to see that Hank was okay, he flicked his quarter from hand to hand waiting.

    The elevator  door opened and the android was released walking briskly to room 434, he took a moment the fix his hair and the bag. The he entered quietly looking at the white walls  and the TV playing something idly as he set the bag down. Hank was alive, and Connor felt elated.

   Connor smiled brightly walking to his dad leaning up slightly on the bed, “ Hank! I'm so gl-” before the elder turned on him glaring and cut him off.

     “Cole! Son I don't  care how old you are, or what the circumstance is, you do not call me by my first name.”  The elder barked disciplining his son in agitation. Hank was very stern about his son calling him Hank.  He did not expect Cole’s expression to wilt like a flower left on the counter too long, or the tears beading up at the corners of  eyes and then dripping down his cheeks.

    “ Jeeze Cole, I corrected you, I didn't disown you, relax kid!” He said in a chiding tone watching Cole’s shoulders sag and his head glance to the ground and away.  Hank sat up sighing softly, “Come here.”

     Connor tried to find the way to explain, he had never felt so many mixed feelings at once. It was a mix of punching things, hiding his face into Sumo, and having a successful  mission all at once. However it felt so intense,and stressful.

     Stress levels at: 65.07 and climbing at a rate of .45 per minute.

   He listened to Hank and walked over taking a seat on the bed. Hank hugged him close and pet his hair for a moment.  “ What's wrong Cole?” Hank said softly to his son trying to reassure him, Connor could only shake his head, he had to process, if he still had his Led it'd  be flashing.

     A memory  flashing through his mind. “I'm  whatever you want me to be Lieutenant...your partner, your buddy to drink with or just a machine. Designed to accomplish a task.”   Hank wants Cole  not  Connor.  Connor had said whatever Hank wanted him to be.  Connor could be Cole. He could try.

  “I am just so glad you're alive dad. You were hurt really bad do you remember anything?”   Connor responded sadly wishing he was factory reset. So he didn't have to do this.

    “We can do that  for you Connor, you never have to feel this pain again.”  Amanda chimed in his mind, Connor shook the trespassing thought off worried she was going to just stay with him.

    “ I am sorry, may I speak  with you Co-” Angelo went to interrupt but was interrupted  by Connor.

    “Of course, I'll be right back dad.” The deviant said taking a stand, stepping into the hall and shutting the door, behind him.  “ What is going on?” The Android demanded looking at the Rn with disdain,pent up anger swelling inside like an overfilled pool.

      “Hank has suffered  brain trauma, he may remember  soon, or it could be permanent, I tried to warn you earlier but you walked away on me.” Angelo said adjusting his powder blue scrub, Connor  felt lost. Would Hank ever remember the Thing he'd  worked with and spent time with? Or would  Hank spend the rest of his life with Cole? Ignorant of the  thing that thought of him as a dad.  

     “When can he be released?” Connor questioned  softly hanging his head, he hoped it would be long, please not to soon. If he was going to be Cole, he had a lot of work to do. That much was clear.

     Angelo, sighed and shot a look at the younger android  that seemed sympathetic. “ He should be able to return home in a week, Connor.”

   Connor nods softly, his voice quiet and broken,“ One more thing, please don't  call me Connor, I prefer Cole.” He grit his teeth, looking at the floor, the floor had an identity, and a purpose. It was a floor, and its  purpose was to support the maximum occupancy of 309 people so they didn't fall to the floors below.

    Connor had a purpose, but no longer had an identity. His purpose was to be whatever Hank needed of him, and that happened to Be /NOT/ Connor. He did not want to fail this mission.  

     “ Very well Cole,  I hope you have a pleasant visit with Hank.”  Angelo responded watching the android turn away, not the same excited android who had answered the phone earlier.   

     Connor  walked into the room  and smiling down at Ha- his dad. Even though Connor was hurt, he was glad Hank was alive.  Hank was laying back now, staring up at the ceiling when he left heard Connor enter the room.

     “Cole, what happened?” The older man asked quietly. His hand moving to pat the bed, a gesture to summon Cole  to come and explain. Cole came and sat by his side placing a cold hand on his father's.

     “You were attacked last night by a PL600,  the android hurt you pretty bad, and well I'm  curious what you do remember so the guys at work and I can catch it.” Cole said solemnly and with a sense  of resignation that surprised Hank. It was like a machine taking on a mission, there was no humanity in those words.

    “Cole, I understand  you're upset, but don't  get yourself killed by one of those damn plastic p-”

    “ Pricks, I get it dad. But do you remember anything? It would help me with the investigation.” Cole said stiffly, his hands trembling slightly.  

     “ No, I don't  remember much of anything. I remember you, Sumo,my job,and that your mother took off a long time ago, and even that's fuzzy, everything is a jumbled mess in my head. I hope it clears up soon kid.”Hank said calmly, what does a man who can't  remember do for an investigation.

“ Alright, I gotta get back to the office, I got a lot of work to do, especially  if my partner is going to be in the hospital for the next week.” Cole said sadly standing up and walking to the door.  

    Stress levels at 77 .87 %

   “Hey, I love you!” Hank called out to Cole,who turned and smiled at him softly.

    “I love you too, dad.”  Connor reciprocated quietly, giving a wave and exiting the room,shutting  the door behind him. Connor did not like this feeling, at first it felt like, an inability  to escape, like he had an automobile on his chest,he felt like hiding at home and never coming out again.  His stress levels rising, steadily. Connor walked to Angelo, he handed him the visitor's badge.

    There was nothing to be said, Connor just had to leave, had to go.The deviant  pressed the button repeatedly, ‘ I have to get out if here, I can't do this. I can't. I can't.’

          ‘No you can't  Connor, you always fail your missions.’

          ‘Not right now Amanda!’  

    The elevator  opened and Connor walked in and hit the ground floor button letting the  door close. He put his index and middle finger to his head. ‘ Markus, I need help.’   Connor sent the thought as he leaned against the wall of the elevator running his hands through the dark hair and folding at the waist slightly, he was trying to reign himself in.

    ‘ Where are you Connor? What's wrong?’

    ‘Leaving the Detroits Receiving  Hospital, Stress levels are at 86% and climbing. I don't  want to be alone right now.’

    ‘Ok, stay calm Connor.  When you get to the front of the hospital go to the garden, once there take a seat in the shade and count the blades of grass, I will be as fast as possible.’

    ‘Sure.’ The deviant  thought back as he exited the elevator, he practically ran to the garden.  His thirium pump working extra hard, to try and even himself out. His eyes scanned the area for shade, and wasn't  disappointed, he walked over to it, laid on his stomach and just started counting the individual blades of grass.

   Waiting for Markus.

[aitian]

8/12 3am

this is another dream i felt like i had before. i was in a park, next to a squirrel, a wolf, and a giraffe. the squirrel would chase me causing the wolf and the giraffe to chase the squirrel. i ran across a bridge and climbed a sign, only to have it break. and as the sign somehow wobbled back and forth, i sat on top swinging, swinging and watching my shadow on the ground swing back and forth. before moving at all i thought carefully about this plan and climbing the sign was the goal. maybe it meant the wolf wouldn’t hurt me but i would get tohave an experience.

2nd dream was about a chase as well. in a dirty city… i forget why. but i hid in a corner and saw my friends who were also running disguise themselves as an old man and a homeless man, and our pursuers ran by. we went to a restaurant, i think owned by our aunties, maybe the chopsticks auntie or smth. and my job was to wash the vegetables. they had already been julienned though lol but i spent so long washing  the julienned carrots because there was so much. all the while i was listening to these three rude old dudes sitting outside complaining about the service because no one went to take their order. finally i went inside and asked the young man who was the only one working to check on them. and the dream shifts to his pov and he explanis to the jeerin g men that he will be the new owner, and he grabs my rpevious character close, who i guess is a woman, and says she will be his wife and co-owner, and the men grudgingly comment on their appproval.

the last dream i am a spoiled chinese girl waiting for her spoiled chinese boyfriend to take her to the movies. we are both attractive in the way chinese tv likes young people to be. im waiting for him to text, waiting, and im angry that he has forgotten again. and i fall asleep on my bed, and have a dream. my dream is his dream. he says i his dream, he put on these lenses?glasses? and his eyes became unbearably cute, and everyones stares made him feel unsaafe. tjen he put on another pair and his eyes glowerd red, and everone seemed intimidated, and he felt comfort in that. waking up from his dream, he realized everyone looked at him that way already, and nothing had changed.

-- afternoon

having a crush is this immense flooding of feeling stupid, like only a fool would expect desire to bridge the gap

. i thought about him, a picture of his sister catching his hat at graduation, violence & empire

. told some dumb bby queer in the columbia class fb group not to ask students to out their profs online so he could have a list of q/t professors. he was very entitled to placing this information on a public forum, insisted that it was not an issue (for you?) i responded once briefly, then let it die. i told myself i needed to be as short as possible to not be anxious posting, but my heart still sped up thinking about arguing w someone so publicly over some shit i didn’t want people to ID me for.

. signed up for okcupid. just to see who’s around. lots of white people. anime subs vs dubs is a question they all needed to answer in their profiles.

--

8/12/2020, 11pm

today mom told me the story again about her life with dad. we walked after dinner along the path that led through the trees outside our neighborhood, and sat on the steps outside the Videon company. she was in beijing. she was dating a man who was tall and thin, who was clean and orderly, who cooked for her. he was insecure that she had a phd and he was only a college graduate. she always felt he had his guard up, couldn’t speak from his heart, insecure. they had only been seeing each other for a while, but she decided she should move on. she went on a date with dad, set up by a mutual friend. she says her first impression was how short and stout he was. pale, a scholar. or nerd. didn’t know how to make good conversation, and while she fantasized about expectations before meeting him each time, their dates were very plain, boring. she says he probably felt she didn;t have much interest in him either. the setting up felt stale, rehearsed, like there was a path to follow that was already laid out. he went home for his younger brother’s wedding, and never talked to her again. their mutual friend says to mom, us from henan, when we talk, we say what we mean. but these hebei people could say ten things and none of them would be truthful. they had no contact for months. three days before dad was supposed to leave for america, my grandmother came to beijing to help him pack and send him off. she brought the money the government game them, untouched, for my grandfather’s death. and it was stolen. my grandmother passed out, and was sent to the hospital. mom says my grandmother thought dad should have gotten together with mom, that if they had been together, none of this would have happened. dad went to her office to find her, and her colleagues said she was on lab. and his thick-headed self thought she was at a homophonous company in the tech district. and as he was headed down, she was headed up, and they met in the stairwell. if they had missed each other, then they would have never met again. but he told her what happened, and she went with him to the hospital, and she helped him pack and sent him off. i wanted to ask what compelled her to do that. im guessing it was what he said, a mother in the hospital, a near departure… maybe it was the beginning of a romantic feeling. she only fell in love with him after they had both settled in america. she said things were more simple when they got away from the messiness of china… the city, the relationships. mom says her mother was grateful because she thought mom would have trouble getting married. in my head i laughed.. her stubborn ass… they knew. she said dad’s mom saw her as a good fit. which was cruel irony thinking about my first years. mom says she had never argued with dad before grandma came. so many of his bad habits started then. she told me about this because we talked about dad being childish at home, refusing accountability, using manipulative tactics to ignore us and center himself, trying to blame others for his mistakes. we talked about mom’s shitty coworkers. we talked about adeles mom and dad, their abusive relationship, the abusive dads, and the societies of fear (scarcity) that made our community members brilliant fools. mom said she could never forget that guy she dated before dad, though i think she didn’t really mean it because she said again how he was always guarded around her. i wanted to tell her, mom, i have liked a boy a lot too. during high school. his name is andrew, and he has been on my mind a lot recently since coming home. he was really good to me, mom. sometimes i wish i was more brave. but i didn’t say anything. i was looking at the clouds, and they were moving earlier. they were moving west, then east, then west, and they stopped. and then they vanished. the sun was setting, and mom said they probably flew away. but i said no, they vanished. dad came over, i could tell it was him because he walked cute like donald duck. he said this was his regular exercising place. as if he even left the house to exercise regularly, much less walk to our spot, the place he knew we would be. we got up and left after a while because it was getting dark. later i would hear dad complaining downstairs about how we didn’t stay to watch him dance, and how that was what had held him back. shameless.

there are some memories of stories that i just cannot say were things i made up, but i have so little recollection of what and how they were told.

when mom was in alabama, her boss or maybe coworker tried to date her. i guess she was not into white men. maybe it was one of the things that pushed her toward dad.

mom has had a miscarriage before. im not sure about the context. i think i remember her telling me when she was upset many years ago, or maybe just casually. it might have been something she thought should be kept a secret, or just something moms don’t talk about to their kids. i do remember her recounting more recently once while talking about being pregnant with me vs alice, that she had a bit of miscarriage each time. im not totally sure what that means but she said it like it was natural, a thing that just happened for some people. maybe a bit of bleeding and discharge.

i think i remember alice once telling me she thinks dad wants to be a woman but is too repressed to admit it. and then saying thats probably not it.

[thompsonlife-blog]

When enough is enough.

Do you ever feel as if enough is enough, and you loose it? 

That is me this week.

I just want to get this out of the way, yes I have kids from previous relationships and yes co-parenting is just part of it. But my god does it have to be so damn difficult.

I know part of the problem is I let things go way to long without saying things, so when I finally do you know I am pissed. This week I just finally blew. I feel like I deal with a difficult step-mom. She doesn’t seem in my eyes or apparently my child’s eyes (however I do tell him that she loves him and just busy now) to really like my son. It could just be me, but when you become a step mom you take on the responsibility of loving and caring and nurturing those children as well as yours. There should be no difference made. There is a huge one made, it is so clear that other people have came to me and said stuff. THEIR OWN FAMILY. However I always defended them, because that is what you do. Even when it comes to pictures and post on social media, their feeds are constantly filled with things about the other two kids in their lives. In fact the last post either of them posted that had Zander in it included this photo....

No need for words, you clearly can see a problem here. My son is the outsider to their family whose only relevance is that he shares one of the couples DNA. But I let it go, publicly. My husband seen me cry over this photo for hours. That same weekend, Zander only stayed for 14 hours because he “locked himself in the room and wouldn’t spend time with them”, my son is 4. When he came home, Zander was mad at his step mom and when we asked him why, he said she wouldn’t let daddy watch tv with him. I reminded Zander that he was probably busy, and that’s why he couldn’t, but he was insistent. And I responded with next time ask him politely and I am sure that he will baby. Then I distracted him.I have learned with co-parenting sometimes it is easier to just use a distraction, a happy distraction I know it isn’t necessarily the corrected way of parenting, but again he is 4.

Then they had a baby. Which Zander was so excited about. Did his dad come pick him up to go see the baby, no. Didn’t even offer, even though he knows I work two jobs, and Jared works a 40+ hour week as well. However, we have the best babysitter in the world who took him to go see his baby brother. Unfortunately it was getting time to feed the baby, and all Zander seen was a few minutes of happy baby then the baby crying. Zander cannot stand for babies to cry, he seriously gets upset. So every since that day if he has heard the word baby he has said my baby brother’s crying. He still has yet to see (even though we have offered to take him and not leave him, and the babysitter has offered) the baby outside of those few minutes at the hospital. He ask everyday. He just wants to see his baby brother and his dad to take him fishing. UGH! 

So that leads us to the school year. I need to make this clear, I did drop child support over a year ago with the deal of he was going to be a good dad and show up, and buy him things he needed whenever he needed them and when I asked(apparently I fell off the smart person tree, and just now have realized it). So the ONLY thing we asked for was for them to get Zander’s school supplies (we knew they were going to have a baby soon, and we said we would do his clothes and shoes). guys he is in pre-k, its not that bad. We had already got him a backpack so that was crossed off the list immediately and we had gotten him a blanket. All of the rest of the list was Jumbo Crayons, Jumbo Markers and Glue Sticks. It wasn’t that we couldn’t afford them it was about the effort. Not one thing did they get. They led us on that they would buy them, then last minute pulled out. I had already gotten extra, because I figured there would be a kid in his class that couldn’t afford his school supplies and every little bit helps. Thank goodness I did that because they didn’t buy anything. Hell didn’t even tell me they didn’t buy anything. Go figure. Then the day of open house I get a message about when is open house, I could only take him at a certain time because again I work two jobs. They were offended! So I offered them to get him and go meet his teacher again later in the evening. No response. So when I was filling out paperwork like Zander’s emergency papers, I messaged Zander’s step mom for his dad’s phone number. She yet again gave me hers, guys got a phone. Honestly I could care less about his number but the school wants it. SHE does not want me to have it. So I asked his mother, who yet again would not give it to me because his step mother did not want me to have her husbands phone number because even if there was an emergency he couldn’t do anything about it he isn’t allowed to have his phone at work. LIES he is on facebook all the time. Anyways I dropped it. No need to start any drama.

This has just been the last two months of irritation. It goes on further back in history.

So what was the kicker? What started the insanity? 

1 Bad Day and 1 Facebook Post

I had seen a facebook post not to long ago that his step mom put on facebook about how good of a dad he was to her son, this post rubbed me really bad because he in all honesty is not a good dad to his son, my son. I ignored it for the greater good. But yesterday yet again another post about his great fathering skills to her two boys, set me off. SHE FORGOT ZANDER. He is her step son, but more importantly his child. Anyways she was raving how he was such a great dad and this and that. I did not comment but I did like it with a HAHA face you now can do on facebook. She called it out in a comment on facebook. And I let her have it, she was already on my bad side about the school stuff anyway and this was just the icing. 

What amazes me about everything is the people that clearly see how he does Zander, yet comes to his rescue. Well he is a good dad to his step son, um am I wrong to say he should be a good dad to ALL of his sons, step or not? And why does my husband get criticized for being a good dad to him, when he took on the role of step dad when he married me. I mean, am I the confused one? 

I am just over being the good guy who doesn’t call them out on their bullshit. I am tired of people saying that I never let Zander see his dad, when I AM THE ONE TO DRIVE HIM THERE. I am the one who ask if he can go. I am the one who has to tell my son on another day you can go. I am the one lying to my child to cover his dad’s ass. I am also lying to everyone else to cover his ass. I am sick and tired of it. You cannot be a good dad, if your not a good dad to all of your children. 

I am just over it all.

[ghozt1ng-blog]

Mysteries of the Q Files

Chapter 14: Answers From the Background

Trick fumed the entire way back into town and towards Camille’s Diner. The moped puttered along and made them look like a comic duo, though their moods were anything but. Naomi’s frown was deeper than a clown’s and she finally poked Trick in the back of the head.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“You left me at that party while you went and sucked face with that Rachel girl. Not only is she a skank and you smell like booze yourself now, but you left me by myself with a crowd of drunken idiots! If you ever do that to me again, I’ll make sure that you wish that your mom and dad were murdering you!”

“Duly noted,” Trick growled over the puttering of their ride.

“And why are you so upset? You got to make out with a bossy know-it-all like yourself at a party for the cool kids. What could you possibly have to be angry about?”

Trick hated the bitterness in her voice, but he figured that she just didn’t understand what had just happened. He tried to explain slowly.

“Okay Naomi, picture this: a boy and a girl like one another and want to get together. But there is a hold up; they are both in a relationship with other people. Rather than break it off and then hook up, these two decide to do something spectacular. You said that Billy and Tara were up on the second floor?”

Naomi nodded grimly, “The video said they were having sex at that moment.”

“The gall of those two! People expect stuff like that to happen at big parties, but they make a video about it!? What is up with this town! They made it clear to the world that they are now in a relationship and they shamed Tara’s now-ex-boyfriend. Furthermore, Billy had his cronies dunk the guy in a cold pool and then tossed garbage at him. They wanted theatrics. They want people to never forget this. It shows their power and puts everyone else in their assigned places. It gives me an idea of what happened to the others.”

“The kids we are about to meet with,” Naomi stated, her lips pursed.

“Exactly. It’s time that we got the missing story. I think that we will be able to from there find out who has been sicking these monsters on the victims,” Trick said.

“Your mother texted me by the way. She says that we need to stay out of trouble. They are about to strike at the Sphinx’s suspect.”

“They’ve got the wrong person,” Trick insisted. After what he had seen and heard, he knew that the culprit had to be a fellow student. These crazy antics would definitely send any teenager over the edge. “We’ll know after visiting the diner. Besides, we are not on the cool list. We should be pretty safe.”

“I’ll believe that when this is over,” Naomi said. “And I won’t forget this night Trick, believe me.”

“Oh joy,” he muttered under his breath.

They arrived at the diner soon enough and walked inside. It was a cozy place, with a dozen or so tables, a bar, and some booths for the patrons. There was a skinny woman with fashionable glasses behind the bar talking to a guy with a half beard in a tiger cap. He had a sketch pad in front of him and was talking animatedly as he drew and the lady chowed down on mac n’ cheese. There were a couple of high school students nearby who seemed to be eavesdropping. The walls were covered with tons of pictures of patron and posters of very nerdy stuff. A lot of it Trick did not recognize immediately or at all. Naomi on the other hand looked to be home.

“Now this is the kind of place for a proper party,” she said happily.

“If you say,” Trick shrugged.

“I do say so,” she responded, slugging him in the arm.

Trick led them to the eavesdropping kids.

“Well howdy you youths,” the lady said.

“I thought you only called Young Jed a youth,” the man in the cap said.

“There are other youths than just him, Nate,” she replied.

“Yes, but he is youthiest,” the man called Nate said with a big grin.

“Can’t argue with you there,” the lady answered. The kids started snickering. “And this is a private conversation! If you can’t respect the rules of the establishment, go and play your card games next door!”

The teens retreated further into their booth.

“Hi there,” Trick said with a wave. “Are you Camille?”

“The one and only one who should concern you,” she said around a mouthful of macaroni. “What can I do you for?”

“Are these wonderful boys and girls from the high school,” Trick asked.

“Sure are,” Camille answered.

Trick turned to them and said, “Excellent! Because we have some questions for you.”

The six teens, four boys and two girls, suddenly looked mortified. He raised his hands to placate them and continued, “Don’t worry. It won't hurt.”

“You’re that guy that Eustace was talking about,” one girl blurted.

“What do you want here,” one of the boys sneered.

“Hey! Hey! Respect! So long as they are paying customers, they are allowed here,” Camille put in sternly.

“Laying down the law,” Nate said into his drink.

“We’ll take two bowls of that tasty looking mac n’ cheese,” Trick said with his winning grin. Camille rolled her eyes at him but went off to grab the food. “Now then, I did talk to Eustace. My friend Naomi and I have been investigating what has been going on with the recent attacks on students.” Nate seemed to forget his drawing and lean backwards towards them. “We just came from the big party at Billy’s and I think I might have the case almost solved. But there are some details that only you guys can probably fill in. Are even willing to fill in.”

“Why do you say that,” a boy with thick glasses asked cautiously.

“Because after watching one guy get his life ruined tonight, I think that the same thing happened to someone, or someones, at the high school who the cool kids look down on,” Trick answered.

“Your mac,” Camille said from behind. Naomi retrieved the bowls and began shoveling the contents of both into her mouth.

Rolling his eyes, Trick continued, “I know it’s painful to relive something like that, but I need to know. Whose life did they ruin? How? How many people were there to witness it?”

The kids at the table all shared glances and the second girl finally said, “It really isn’t our place to talk about it. It’s not your business anyway.”

“It is when people start getting attacked and kidnapped,” Trick said hotly.

“Maybe they deserved it,” the sneering boy commented nastily.

“No, I don’t think they did,” Trick said. “Tonight, Tara threw her boyfriend Jason under the bus to get in Billy’s pants and they told everyone over a previously made video. This was planned, and it was vicious. I know they did something similar to other people. I need to know who. Once we have the full story, we can begin to meet out justice to those who truly deserve it.”

The kids still didn’t looked convinced. Naomi finally stepped in after swallowing her noodles. “We can pay them back in kind. I am very, very handy with computers and videos. I can make a video to get them back and in front of everyone if that is what you want. But we do need your information. If these attacks are not stopped now, where will they stop in the future? Who knows? It might just be you six next.”

Nice work, Trick thought appreciatively. “Look guys, it’s now or never. I feel it in my gut, and Naomi is right. After seeing what happened tonight, I am ready to get back at those freaks as much as any of you.”

The teens slowly nodded, except for Mr. Sneer Face, and they crammed to make further room for Naomi and Trick. Trick held up a hand and ordered more macaroni before beginning his interrogation.

“First off, where’s Eustace?”

“Cowering in the card shop, waiting for you guys to show up and go away,” Mr. Sneer Face answered.

“Okay, maybe we could tone it down from you,” Trick suggested. “I’m sorry to hear that though. I didn’t mean to frighten him so much.”

While Mr. Sneer Face tried to think of a comeback, one guy with a SlipKnot T-shirt elbowed him hard and told him to shut up as one of the girls asked, “Are you supposed to be hunters?”

“Very astute of you,” Naomi said. “Yes, yes we are.”

“Supernatural, good show,” Camille said as she brought another bowl. Naomi took it promptly.

Trick frowned at his friend but said, “Yes, yes. It is a great show. We had to dress up for the party.”

“Not really,” the kid with glasses said. “The cool kids don’t really like to dress up. They just like to get drunk.”

“I saw a couple of pirates there, though,” Naomi said. Glasses blushed and his eyebrows shot up.

Must be nervous around a cute girl, Trick surmised. “Believe me, the cool kids don’t piss gold. They are for the most part normal, just with more graced lives and with so much more to lose if their popularity wanes. Which is what Jason is learning at the moment.” He shook his head and continued. “So, who in your circle did the cool kids go after with their vicious pranks?”

There was an uncomfortable pause and finally the second girl, one with too much makeup and greasy hair answered, “Not someone from our group, though it was meant for everyone not in the cook kids’ graces. Derek and Mandy…. Derek had a total crush on Tara, and he was so into her that he knew everything about her life. He basically was a stalker, but what she did was even worse. Billy knew that Mandy liked him from afar as well. He worked with Tara and some of their friends to make a video that shown on a projector during lunch.”

The first girl cut in. “They arranged for Derek and Mandy to be with Tara and Billy and surrounded by their goons so they couldn’t escape. They were forced to watch a ten minute long video with embarrassing photos of them with terrible animations. The video made fun of both of them for liking people above their station. They called mandy a pig and Derek shut-in virgin. And well, that was probably the nicest thing they said about them. After the video, Derek was beaten up and Mandy had food thrown at her. They were both hazed for the rest of the day.”

“If this town had its priorities straight, stuff like this wouldn’t happen,” Camille seethed. “It reminds me of some jerks I knew back in college.”

“Looks who’s eavesdropping now,” Glasses smirked. He quickly ducked his head as a dirty rag came at his face.

Trick leaned back and sighed. “Well, I guess that all makes sense. Disgusting sense, but sense nonetheless.”

“I will destroy them with a fine video of my own,” Naomi promised.

“What have Derek and Mandy been up to since then,” Trick asked.

The last boy finally answered, “They’ve been hanging out a lot together. If anyone else hangs with them when the cool kids are around, those with them get hazed and teased. No one wants the same treatment those two got. So basically, they’ve been ostracized.”

He sounded sincerely sorry about it. Trick was amazed at what was going on here. Tara and Billy had successfully destroyed three people and the semester wasn’t even up yet. He wondered how many other victims they had, and who else had been punished by them quietly. He remembered Shannon and the things that were said at the burger joint. Billy and Tara were not alone in their crimes. It made him grind his teeth with anger.

“But no one really knows what’s been going on with Mandy and Derek then,” Trick pressed on. The others just shook their heads.

“Actually, they dropped by my bookstore a couple weeks back,” Nate answered. “They said they needed a book on spirits and communicating with them. It was an uncomfortable conversation, really.”

Naomi cut Trick off and asked, “Do you know about old, abandoned rooms in the high school?”

Nate didn’t answer, but Glasses did. “Sure! There’s one kinda under the theater. The thespians all know about it and a few others, but it’s really creepy. There’s no light down there, and you have to crawl through a vent to get in. People say it’s haunted. There’s a dare to break into the theater at night and try to climb into the room. No one has done it yet.”

“I wonder why,” Trick commented dryly.

“Trick, we need to get in there tonight,” Naomi said suddenly. “I think we have the lead that will take us to the close of this case!”

Before Trick could say anything his phone buzzed.

“If that is Rachel, I swear I’ll-”

“It is from Rachel, Trick said. Naomi proceeded to dump the remaining mac on his head.

“Hey! You’re cleaning that up,” Camille called angrily.

“With pleasure,” Naomi grumbled.

Trick caught her by the shoulder. His eyes were wide with what he had just read. “Naomi… We need to make it to the school now.”

“That’s what I’m say-”

“There’s been another attack. Two of them. At the party. A vampire and werewolf attacked Shannon and some boy named Bo and ran off with them. Guess where they came from.”

Naomi’s eyes widened as well. “The second floor?”

“I think we might have just solved this case,” Trick said flatly to a confused diner crowd.

[hannybunny]

LDR: The Ugly Truth

Similar to all other types of relationships, people choose what to display for the public and the ones to keep behind closed doors. LDR’s are no different.

The struggles I had to endure had revolved mainly around myself and my perception of what I had expected to what was the reality.

I suggest that you get comfy and have yourself some snacks because this will be a long post.

1. My expectations were based off what the media has shown me of what they had perceived love to be.

How can you express your affections to someone when you’re in an LDR? It’s easy to display through physical intimacies such as holding hands, hugging, or a kiss. But with physical intimacies ruled out, how else do you show it?

They were in the little things. -The time he made for me over playing video games or to sleep early. -It was the first text or snapchat message in the morning on my end. -The choice to wait out before sending that text. -It was in his effort to serenade me.

But I had taken all of this for granted.

These little things were buried under what I had wanted: -A hand written letter or flowers sent to me (I wanted something tangible). -A formal Skype date. -To sacrifice a sleep or 2 to be there for me. -To be bragged about to the whole world. -To entrust his secrets to me.

But because what I wanted was not being met, I constantly felt unsatisfied. I always complained about how unhappy I was to my friends about his behavior. I tried to understand him and his decisions, but I couldn’t accept them. I couldn’t understand the way he showed his affections towards me, and this was how our relationship began to unravel.

2. I had a crooked perception of love.

I have little to no experience in love. In addition to media, the negative side had always been emphasized: -I needed to protect myself by over thinking and expecting the worst whether it be by cheating or simply breaking up. -I wasn’t allowed to be blinded by my feelings because I would make stupid decisions that I would be judged for.

I never forgot every painful memory that ended all my previous relationships.

One taught me not to believe in words because he won me through them but his actions said otherwise.

The next one taught me not to get my hopes up just because he was interested in me; and he ended up leading me on.

Someone taught me how to distrust because he told a close friend of mine that he I was vain for sharing all my problems to him.

Another taught me to stay skeptical of “perfect” guys because they were probably hiding something. And he did--he was a two timer.

Looking back, I have a lot of respect for my younger self for being able to brave through the pain. The person I am today is exhausted. I don’t want to repeat it.

Forgive but never forget. I thought the best way to save myself was to end things before I was attached to him. But even that was a self-fulfilling prophecy in itself. I sabotaged my own chances...

And this mind set had greatly affected my relationship with my partner.

3. I wanted to be perfect for him.

I was obsessed to be perfect. But how can I be perfect when I had little to no experience?I took this approach to how I play my otome games--by the book.

In otome games, my safety net was the walk-through lists. I wanted the perfect endings and I achieved them by following these posts. Similarly, I wanted to deal with my relationship perfectly and my obsession led me to Google.

I took these advises a little too seriously, then again, I was nit-picky. I wanted to avoid pissing off my boyfriend (because at the time, he was triggered by a number of things going on in his life). I didn’t want to add on to his growing list of problems and stress, but that had put me in a place to walk on constant egg shells. In the end, it had back fired.

Because I had chose to avoid talking about “sensitive topics,” he took it as if I didn’t care about his well being or what he was going through. I perceived these “sensitive topics” as the no-entry-zone, because there had been one instance when he responded angrily with me for recalling a “sensitive topic.” His reaction left me speechless, and I thought that it was better not to address any of them from that point.

I felt so limited about portraying myself to be that “perfect girlfriend” that I felt under constant surveillance to watch what I said or did in order to avoid upsetting him. I ended up growing more unsatisfied with the relationship.

4. I had severe anxiety.

My perfectionist personality stems from my anxiety.

I don’t know when the thoughts formed, but I had a list of expectations that needed to be met. And when they weren’t, I would end up blaming myself for my lack of competence.

Into our fourth month of being together, I had relapsed into depression. Not only was I unhappy with the relationship, but also in my own life. I felt like I would never amount to anything in life, nor make my parents proud of me for anything I would do unless I gave up my “silly dreams” and continued to study nursing.

As the oldest child, I felt like I had a responsibility to help my parents financially by taking care of myself and my sister to lighten their load. But even then, I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have a job. And even if I cried my feelings to my sister, I felt like I was a disappointment as an older sister.

I couldn’t do anything to please anyone, let alone myself. The thought ate me inside out. I’ve never felt so hopeless in my life.

But even then, I still made the Dean’s list regardless of how many days I had skipped school. If there’s anything redeeming factors about my mental health, I guess I can say that it wouldn’t let me give up on my education.

5. What the hell was “communication”?

"Communication is key.” When I heard that, I automatically took that as one of the biggest emphasis in my relationship with my boyfriend. It is an important component to maintain a healthy communication. But when applied unfairly, it can lead lead to be toxic.

I believe it’s important to share our problems with each other, and when I sensed that there was a problem going on in his end, I would press him to share it with me. He would respond coldly or angrily, but would end up sharing it just for my sake.

I would get mad at him for his reaction because I kept emphasizing how important it was to establish a good communication between us, but what I didn’t know was how it had hurt him to have his privacy taken away.

I lacked respecting his space, causing us to have a bigger strain in our relationship. He was more recluse and despondent with his problems around me, let alone ask for my opinions.

Because of this, I felt unappreciated for my efforts. It left me feeling bitter.

6. Dealing with loneliness.

Specifically in an LDR, having to deal with my problems posed to be a difficult challenge. Whenever I had faced difficult obstacles, I always wanted him to be there for me... but he couldn’t.

We were on a 14-15 hour time difference. He was asleep while I was in school, and vice versa. When I had an argument with a friend during lunch time or an argument with my parents towards the night, he wasn’t there...

To deal with things alone was hard... To face my problems by myself was hard... To not have someone be there for you at that moment was hard...

I always cried about it at night. I always contemplated if this was a good idea or not... Or if I could handle it for that matter.

I had to learn how to detach myself and my emotions from these situations. Because I’m so highly emotional, I have a tendency to act upon how I feel in the moment rather than take a step back and organize my emotions from my logical thoughts. That was one of the biggest struggles I had to fix regarding myself.

But even though all 6 listed posed to be all negative traits, they also happened to be a blessing in disguise.

I was able to debunk the media’s perception of love and reflect on what I truly wanted out of this relationship. By taking away all the materialistic perception and the cliche idea that “all guys” will brag about their relationship out of the equation, I realized that he does satisfy me in the things that I want in a relationship: a companion who will listen and do his best to understand, and cherish me.

My crooked perception on love is just there as a lesson to look back on. Because my self-esteem was so low, I had ended up portraying these negative aspects on my boyfriend because I was afraid to get hurt. He had helped me to get over this by guiding me to face my fears head on, and decide my future for myself. Because of that, I’m no longer chained by these insecurities for repeating. Now, I just accept if it happens, then it happens, and just shrug it off.

Being perfect made me realize something about my relationship: There was no such thing as being a perfect partner nor a perfect relationship. Ever since this attempt, I realized that if my boyfriend will love me for me, then I hope he can still love the fierce and strong willed person in me. I intend to be the real me, and if he’ll have me for it or not will be up to him.

My anxiety has decreased over time, but it’s still a flitting thought. Although they’re not as impacting as the beginning, I still accept these thoughts as small warnings, and leave it at that.

I learned the perfect way of “communicating” through observing my parents. Because my dad also doesn’t share a lot of his problems with my mom (to prevent her from stressing out), I realized that my boyfriend probably has similar reasons as to my dad does with my mom. Also, I learned from my mother that because she trusts my dad, she knows that if he’ll share his problems with her, then he’ll tell her. And if I feel the same way about my partner then, there’s no need to push it.

As much as it is adorable to watch couples rely on each other and compromise decisions, it is unhealthy when one partner constantly seeks out their partner’s approval. At that point, they are living a life of co-dependency. Regarding my situation, it still gets difficult from time to time. But after giving myself a couple hours to let my emotions sit, I finally realize that I’m able to make my decisions without my partner’s consent.