#it was definitely a thing with my teammates so i don't see why it wouldn't happen on other teams

[lifeofclonewars]

Fun fact: if you watch Hevy closely during Clone Cadets, you can see that he tends to shoot with his mouth open

Here are some screenshot examples

[ceesimz]

Reverie - Part 1

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení - Part 2

Hey, I have some things to say before you start reading. ASD is a very vast spectrum, no two people with it experience the same stuff on a day-to-day basis. This story is written with my knowledge from people I know, and also from my own experiences living with autism too. So don't take this as 'the' perspective, this is a drop in the ocean and this most definitely isn't a handbook on autism. If anyone has any questions or thoughts about this, or ASD in general, you are more than welcome to message me or drop something in my inbox! This is just part one, if you like this first half of the story (because I have no idea how this will go down), let me know if you wanna see the second part, it's ready to go whenever.

Big big thanks to @copper-16 for editing it and leaving such lovely comments on it, I wouldn't have the confidence to post this if it wasn't for your words. Thank you for taking a chance on this story and opening yourself up to learn more, the world needs more people like you and we're all much better off that you're here🫶🏼🫶🏼

This is my favourite thing I've ever written, and I kinda feel like I'm giving away a piece of my heart by posting this (dramatic much), let me know what you think, hope you like it :)

“Are you ready to go in?”

Are you?

Are you ready to walk into a new setting, head held high, and show your teammates you are worth it? 

Or are you going to back out? Reverse right out the parking space, speed off to the airport, and catch a flight to god knows where?

That's simply not a possibility. Even if the thought of walking through those reception doors that stare tauntingly at you from across the car park perturbs you more than anything else, there's no backing out now.

Barcelona, the pride of Catalunya, the dominants of Europe, doesn't accept quitters. And that fact glares at you, along with all of its history and values held in the iconic badge that countless legends had adorned, and with it came a legacy you weren’t sure you had the strength to bare on your back. The new number nine, born and raised in Norway but made into the player you are now in Germany.

Here you were, after five years playing for Frankfurt, where you had grown accustomed to a comfortable routine with familiar faces and the same surroundings for so long, now in a new country that held so many unknowns. For someone with so many disadvantages ever present in their life, living in three different countries is a pretty impressive achievement.

Please, let it all be worth it.

After a few frustrating years in the Frauen-Bundesliga, you had signed for the best team in Europe and, arguably, the rest of the world too. Frankfurt had been a beautiful experience, one that had changed your life, but as a result of many, many long discussions with family and friends and psychologists, you had come to the terrifying realisation that it was time for a new challenge.

Why was that absolutely petrifying? Because you and life changes did not get along. Even after 26 years of living, it just wasn’t meant to be. But, such is life, and chances had to be taken.

You'd always be thankful for Frankfurt. Moving to play there was the first time you took such a huge leap of faith, and it had worked out well, eventually. In your eyes, the first season there was a disaster, but your mother would say it was the proudest year of her life. It had been difficult for her to see at times just how much you struggled at points, sure, but you made it to the light at the end of the tunnel and, by the end of it, you were a completely different person in the most incredible way possible. From then on, you continued to grow.

Yet, that was the thing with the German side. When you joined, they were a club with a legacy most teams would envy, but they never amounted to anything more during your time there. You fell in love with the staff, your teammates, and just about everything else during your time there. The only problem, which was pretty damn big in the grand scheme of things, was that you fell out of love with the football you were playing.

You were able to grow and survive at Frankfurt. You wanted to flourish and thrive at Barcelona.

Except, in comparison to the average human, there were a lot more obstacles ahead that could prevent you from accomplishing that aspiration. Over your life, you had overcome many bumps in the road, some leaving a harsh imprint on your self-worth and others hardly affecting you. For example, talking to the girl you were roomed with at 16 at the Norway Football Team camp had turned out to be one of the best things you could have done. Yet, in the same breath, playing for the national team had left you in a broken state, and as a result, you haven't played for them in a few years. 

The back and forth travel was too much, and opting out of playing for Norway, as much as it broke your heart that you weren’t strong enough to represent your country on the international stage, it allowed you to rest and recuperate so that you were at the top of your game for your club. Did you dream of wearing your country’s crest one day? Yes, all footballers did. But you weren’t in a place to do that, and you’re not sure you ever will be again.

Signing for Barcelona could be life-changing, but it could also be world-shattering in the worst way imaginable. This was a pretty sizable leap of faith, and the only way that faith could form into something incredible is if you made that happen. You, no one else. That thought filled you with both determination and crushing anxiety. This just could not be another failed attempt. There was no way you could come back.

Ultimately, it would have been downright psychopathic to turn down such an amazing offer from Barcelona. Two years playing for a club that's won three of the last four Champion's League finals? A team that had just completed the quadruple for the first time in their history? Yeah, nonsensical.

However, like always, there were a number of doubts that spiralled from those incredible stats. Did they need you? If they had a mostly flawless season, did they really need a 26 year old woman whose mind hardly functioned like every other person? Did they really need someone who couldn't even play for the national team anymore because they were too overwhelmed with their life? Did they need someone who needed their hand held through every life event, big or small? Did they-

“Hey, you ready?” 

That voice had some kind of magic to it. It was like clock-work, this always happened when she was around; that voice in your head consuming you with unwanted thoughts was erased as soon as you tore your eyes away from the doors and looked at the woman beside you. 

Ingrid. The one person that had single-handedly convinced you to come here. To Barcelona, playing in a hot country, with people you don’t know, speaking a language you can’t understand- oh my God, what have you done?!

“I… god, I don’t know.” You breathed out in a whisper, hardly intelligible. 

The world around you honed in on this one moment here, the peak of your career so far. Apart from Ingrid and the doors to the building and what was in store behind them, there was nothing else that could grasp your attention. There could be a blazing fire behind your car, a lion running full speed towards your car door, or a thief in the back seat for all you knew. Nothing else mattered. The two sides of your mind, the devil and angel on your shoulders were battling it out again, as they always were, whilst your hands fidgeted anxiously in your lap.

“You have to go in at some point, snuppa. You can’t stay in the car forever.” Ingrid softly reminded you, moving to take hold of your hand to comfort your stimming. “It will be a really good day, I promise. My years here so far have been the best of my life, everyone is so nice and welcoming. I never thought I could enjoy training as much as I do now. You will be fine, I have no doubts.”

“I’m not sure about that one.” You laughed nervously, eyes back on the building before you, now slightly glazed over and blurred. 

“I am certain about everything I just said.” Ingrid stated definitively, squeezing your hand. “Plus, not everyone in there are complete strangers. You have me, Mapi, you know Caro and you’ve met Jonatan and some other staff members. You know Loren, the team psychologist who you can go see any time you want. We’ll get you past this part of today, and then you have the whole afternoon to do whatever you’d like.”

You nodded at her words, desperately trying to remind yourself of them over and over so that they stick, and you can get through those damn doors. 

“You know how much easier my life would be if I knew how everything was going to play out?” You blurted out a moment later, Ingrid smiling in amusement. “It would be a breeze, Ingrid.”

“It would also make your life very boring, min skatt.”

“For you, it would be. For me, I'd live freely.”

Ingrid just laughed and shook her head, squeezing your hand once more before looking at the time on her watch.

“Come on. We have to do this one way or another, and I'm not letting you go in on your own. You want to make me late to training?” She teased, targeting your weak spot. Evil.

“That's cruel, Ingrid. So cruel.” You rolled your eyes but nevertheless stepped out of the car once you'd turned it off.

You didn't make it far though. Once you had gotten your kit bag from the boot of the car, you closed it and froze. Eyes unmoving from the daunting building in front of you.

“Would you like some company after training? We can stay at home, or go out for food, or do anything you'd like.” Ingrid offered, snapping you out of your anxious trance.

Even after… god, ten years now, you were still sometimes left dumb-founded by how well Ingrid knew you. A lot of the time, you yourself are in the dark about what you need, but your fellow Norwegian just gets it, even when you don't. It's pretty safe to say that your life, your whole career, would look a hell of a lot different if you had never met Ingrid.

If you put her characteristics into a different section when it comes to your favourite things about her, the thing you love most about the defender beside you is how she treats you. Sure, the majority of people treated you with respect and kindness, but the defender's love and care was on a whole other level. Like in this scenario now, when she knows you're too overwhelmed by the situation that confronts you to be able to think clearly. But here she is, giving you clear and thought-out options that off-kilt the tunnel vision you have on this one miniscule event, and now gives you something to look forward to. 

It reminds you that the world won't end if this training session doesn't go how you want it to, that life goes on afterwards. It makes the road clearer, the journey easier, and allows solace to be found in a down-right terrifying moment.

The funny thing is, however, is that your new home is actually Ingrid's home. No, you weren't living with her, but you were indeed staying in her apartment. She basically lived at Mapi's apartment anyway, so the second she caught wind of your transfer, she immediately offered her disregarded apartment up to you. It was a huge item checked off the ‘things that need doing after uprooting your entire settled, content, perfectly routine life’ to-do list, but you couldn't quite relish in the relief yet.

That's because, though it went unsaid, another factor of Ingrid's offer of letting you stay was so that, if all went wrong and you couldn't make a life for yourself in Barcelona, there was no tenancy to rip up and ultimately it would be a lot less hassle than if you had rented an entirely new place. Ingrid's excuse of not changing your name on the tenancy for now was so that you could settle in with as little stress as possible, but you knew the underlying meaning. Basically, it was a giant get out of jail free card.

“I think I would like that a lot, actually. Thanks.” You said to the taller girl next to you, whose arm had come to wrap around your shoulders.

“Perfect! María has some things to do but I'm free all afternoon, so we can figure something out. For now though, we have to train.” 

Taking in a deep breath, you nodded once more.

“That's all it is. Just training.” You told yourself, physically shaking the anxiety off of your chest and marching forwards. You got as far as those damn doors before you froze on the spot again. “Fuck, this is so scary.”

“I know it is.” Ingrid sympathised, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “We've got this though. It's just training, right?” 

“It's just training. And a few introductions. And about a million new people.” You sighed. “Will you stick with me the whole time?”

“Like glue, søster.” Ingrid said firmly, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Let's go.”

And just like that, you did walk into the building with your head held high, disregarding the burdening nerves and replacing them with a deep-rooted determination to prove you are worth it. Maybe your teammates would think otherwise if they knew the secret you were keeping from them, but for now, you would put up a front and act just like them. Your best bet at succeeding here is to fit in, and that's what you'll do. 

Ingrid wasn't impressed with this tactic of yours, not in the slightest. Jonatan and other senior staff members knew about you, Loren the psychologist knew about you, and Mapi knew. Besides that, everyone else was in the dark. There was only so long Ingrid could last before she had to tell someone at least, like Alexia or Irene or Marta, because she wanted the best for you and the best couldn't be given if your needs weren't catered for.

Like now, as she watched your whole face change in a split second as the mask came down so fast that, had she blinked a second later, she would have missed it entirely. The tension to the way you held your shoulders was all the evidence she needed that your whole nervous system was wracked with dread, and though she should expect it by now, it didn't stop the jab of sympathy she felt for you.

Of course she knew how difficult this would be for you, she just had really high hopes. Sometimes, even after all these years, it slipped her mind how much you still struggled with things. You'd gotten a lot better at dealing with various different circumstances and that mere fact could bring tears to her eyes if she thought about how far you had come, but moments like these were a snap back to the reality you still lived.

You lived so beautifully, you were so strong now, that your struggles were hardly visible anymore. Yet, when one knows a person for so long, they come to learn the signs. Ingrid knew you like the back of her hand. It still amazed her how quick you put the mask back up, normally being so care-free and light around her. But here, outside of the room everyone was due to meet in for the morning, a feigned smile on your face and a falsity to your posture signified all that Ingrid needed to know.

Even despite your dawdling in the car park, you and Ingrid were some of the first to arrive at the meeting, only a handful of unfamiliar faces scattered around the room. Jonatan looked up at the door upon your arrival and his face lit up, immediately dropping what he was doing to come and greet you with a beaming smile. He offers a gentle handshake, also being sure to speak in clear English so that your mind wasn’t overloaded more than it already was. All of it was reassuring, especially as he kept you off to the side as the room slowly began to fill up, before guiding you to the last chair on the front row beside Ingrid so that the meeting could start. Thankfully, to your relief, he gave you a short introduction to the rest of the squad, you only briefly turning and giving the room a general wave before allowing Jonatan to move onto more pressing matters.

From then on, you were rushed off your feet with introductions and training, all of which weren’t half as bad as you’d expected. During the short walk from the meeting to the changing room, a few others came along to properly greet you, all whilst Ingrid stayed close to your side. Mapi had also come bounding along after you the second you left the first room, Ingrid wincing at the excitement her girlfriend met you with but instantly that worry was erased as soon as you turned to Mapi with a matching overjoyed smile. 

By the time you actually got onto the pitch, you had spoken to almost all of the team already. And like Ingrid said, they were just as amazing as you had hoped they would be. Every single one, in their own ways, welcomed you to the team and made small talk with you for a few moments before letting whoever next came by to have their own chance at greeting you. But, it wasn’t until you were about to join in with the warm-up that the person you’d been most nervous about meeting came along.

Your new captain, Alexia. The powerhouse of the Barcelona team, the one you had to leave the best impression on.

A few days prior, amidst a conversation in the corner of Ingrid’s favourite cafe, you had sheepishly demanded that she give you a run-down of each and every single member of the team. There had been Ona, who Ingrid described as a lightning fast defender whose jestful clapbacks were even quicker than her sprint bursts on the pitch. Then Cata, the new number one goalkeeper whose cheek was sometimes too much for even the younger members of the team. Jana, a surefire future talent who was often found beside her quieter, more reserved but equally talented counterpart, Bruna. Patri and Pina were much the same, as were Vicky and Salma. Ingrid gave you a short but detailed profile of all of them, leaving the most important for last. Alexia, who initially came across as slightly cold due to the stoic, focused expression she usually wore. But, to her teammates and those closest to her, she was a world class leader, an even better player, and most importantly, a defiantly caring person with a personality that had more sides than a kaleidoscope. 

Upon hearing the exit door slamming shut, you turned your attention to the direction of the sound, only to be met with her. Casually strolling over, squinting in the face of the sun, she came over to you with a… a smile on her face?

“Hola! You must be the novota, nice to meet you.” She beamed, inviting you into a quick, polite hug before standing back. “Happy to be here?”

As always with new people, especially someone like the woman before you, you floundered internally for a moment, so many replies flitting around your mind with so little time to react.

“Y-yeah! Really happy to be here, thank you, Alexia.” You landed on, and judging by her reaction, it was the right thing to say. 

“Good, I am glad to hear that. Sorry I was not here for the meeting, you’ve met everybody already, sí?”

“Yes, Jonatan introduced me in the briefing.” 

“Good. Bueno, let’s get started. I am excited to be working with you.” The Spaniard smiled brightly once more, before gesturing loosely for the pair of you to join the rest of the group.

The rest of the day, as they say, is history.

It honestly went by in a blur, and if Ingrid was at all surprised by the way you literally fell into your bed when you arrived home, not surfacing from the newfound safe haven until about an hour later, she didn’t show it. This was Ingrid after all, and every quirk of yours, new or old, still brought a smile to her face. Ten years later and she couldn’t help but love you more each time she saw you.

—

The first week goes a lot smoother than you could have dreamed of to be honest - it’s only the start of preseason after all. But, there is still plenty of time for cracks to show. It only takes two days for all your progress to tear at the seams.

On the first day of your second week, you’re walking into training on your own for the first time since you joined. Shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Wrong! Big fucking deal actually, because now it’s like walking blind, heading straight for what feels like danger. Unguided, no one by your side, only joined by the weight of an elephant seated right on your heart.

With the help of Ingrid of course, who else, you had established somewhat of a routine that made the transition so much easier. But it wasn’t quite clear until now, just how much easier it had made showing up to training everyday. Because, without your Norwegian counterpart who would be absent from training, you were left to show up all alone, and suddenly everything became ten times harder. 

Ingrid was more than just your friend, she was the one constant in this new life you lived that was always present. Anything you needed, one glance from you in her direction and she’d be with you in an instant. She, as stupid as it may seem, was the foundation of your routine, and now that she wasn’t here, all the hard work you’d made to settle in seemed to crumble under your feet. 

Three weeks of living in Barcelona, one week of training successfully completed, just for you to end up back at square one. And that meant you were trapped in your own body, limbs acting entirely on autopilot as your legs carried you over to those stupid doors that once again stood intimidatingly in front of you. Just like last week, except this time there was no one to coax you out of your shell, no one to mindlessly guide you over to one of the tables in the canteen, no one to walk you out onto the training pitch. You were all alone.

An unfortunate tactic hadn’t left your habits after all these years: avoidance. What better way to deal with something, then to not deal with it all, right? Right? 

Obviously, you couldn’t miss the whole day, you still had commitments and expectations you needed to live up to. If there was one thing that you couldn’t handle (apart from almost everything in this neurotypical world) it was letting people down, disappointing them.

So, if you opted out of breakfast for the day and beelined straight for the changing rooms instead, what business was it to anyone else? You were here, that’s all they could ask for. The plan was to get dressed into your training kit as fast as physically possible, before heading out onto the pitch for some time alone before everyone else came along. 

…Except, just as you were lacing up your boots, hand trembling at an embarrassing intensity as you did so, the door opened prematurely. And, really, out of everyone, did it have to be her?

“Oh. I did not expect anyone to be in here. Bon dia.” Alexia smiled at you, heading to her cubby just a few seats away from yours.

“Bon dia.” You muttered sheepishly, keeping your head down and tying your laces at a wildly uncontrolled speed. If Alexia noticed, she didn’t mention it. Thank god.

“I was just going to get some extra practice in, if you wanted to join me.” She offered, swapping her trainers for her boots since she was already in her training gear.

Great minds think alike..?

“Yeah, I was going to do the same thing. Thanks.”

“Ay, it's nothing. It's great that you're so hard working, you’re already fitting right in.” Sorry, could you say that again, or write it down even? “Ready?”

“What? Oh- sorry, yes, I’m ready.” You gave her a tight-lipped smile before slipping past where she stood in the doorway and heading towards the pitch.

“How are you feeling about your time here so far?” The captain asked kindly, the beating sound of boots clicking against the floor echoing far too long in your ears.

“Um, good. It’s an honour playing for this team, so.” You shrugged, offering an almost robotic, rehearsed answer.

“And what about how you actually feel? Not what you’re supposed to feel?” Alexia inquired lightly, an earnest and sympathetic look across her face. Slightly suspicious.

“Well… still good. It’s just different, isn’t it. Yeah.” You mumbled, cheeks flushing bright red as you crossed your arms tightly over your chest.

“Of course it is different. You were in Germany for five years, right?” You nodded affirmatively. “So it is a big, big change. I haven’t been anywhere else but here for twelve years, I cannot imagine adjusting to anywhere else.”

Oh, Ingrid. Seriously?

“I’m here though, I have to leave Germany behind.” You stated in a flat voice, honestly quite done with this topic but it’d be rude to voice so.

“If that is how you want to think, then do it like that. You have transitioned very well, we are all impressed.” Alexia shrugged with a soft smile, punching in the code for the storage cupboard and opening it soon after. “Grab the footballs, I will get some tiny goals. The others can get the rest when they’re done filling their faces.”

Thank god for that.

Alexia ended that conversation there, directing her focus on training from that moment on, much to your relief. All that you learnt from this day was that you needed to have a conversation with Ingrid. Your sixth sense was strong, even if to others it seemed like Alexia was just being an averagely kind person, you just knew. 

The good thing was, you couldn’t quite call that day a disaster. In the end, you got through it, even squeezing in a few jokes and laughs here and there throughout the day.

It’s the next day that the first incident occurred. It happened like this; Ingrid isn’t in again, you learn she’s got some kind of stomach virus, so you turn up once more on your own. This time, it wasn’t quite so scary, but like yesterday you skipped breakfast again. And just like yesterday, Alexia met you in the changing rooms to do some early practice again. Except, there was one fatal flaw to your routine this day. It came back and bit you in the ass pretty harshly.

“Ale, what are you doing after this?” Mapi wondered from your right as she stood up after Jona had ended training for the day.

“Eh, nothing.” She shrugged, going to ask you the same thing as she reached her hands out to help you up.

For all you knew, the Spanish pair you were sandwiched between could be speaking absolute gibberish, nothing was registering. As soon as you stood up, everything went hazy. And then… your vision had gone, your body felt unbelievably heavy, and had it not been for Alexia’s tight grip, you’d have fallen back there and then.

“Hey!” Alexia called out in concern, feeling you go limp in her hold. “Mapi, she’s fainting!”

“What!?” Mapi cried, immediately falling to her knees as Alexia safely guided you to the floor.

“I don’t know, she just collapsed!” 

Her voice dripped with worry as Mapi frantically looked around, only to find most people had headed inside already. Meanwhile, you were still awake, not totally out cold, but your eyes ached unbearably and you’d lost all control of your movements. Alexia’s hands flitted over your body, looking for any obvious problems but she couldn’t find any. She repeated your name over and over, only receiving somewhat of a whimper in reply.

“Mapi, go find someone, now!” Alexia demanded, the defender instantly rising to her feet and heading for the door. The captain turned back to you, her hands gently coming up to cradle your face where you lay on your side. “Hey, I need you to listen! Can you hear me?”

“Mhm.” You whined, providing the woman before you with an ounce of relief.

“What’s wrong? You need to tell me so we can help you, cariño, you just fainted on us.” She said frantically, her wide eyes boring into yours when you opened them.

Identifying the problem, even in your state, was quite simple. It was a common problem, something you were well versed with, though you rarely ever let it get this bad.

“Forgot to eat.” You mustered up your remaining strength, which really was very little, to answer her and quell her worries.

Thinking back to this moment in probably an hour’s time, you’d laugh at Alexia’s face when you said those three words, because she looked utterly perplexed.

“You forgot to eat?” Alexia repeated with a frown, but she couldn’t dwell on it much longer because Mapi came running over with the medical team hot on her tails.

“Is she awake?” The brunette woman asked desperately, opting out of kneeling back beside you so as to not overcrowd you.

“Yes, and she said she forgot to eat today?” Alexia looked up at her friend, refusing to shift out of the way and instead choosing to stick by your side. 

“Oh, that would explain it.” Mapi sighed in relief, only puzzling Alexia more. Was this… normal for you?

The medics fussed over you, asking you questions and ultimately overwhelming you way too much, something Mapi notices quickly.

“Oye, basta, slow down. Her blood sugar is low, she needs something quickly. Get her an energy gel.” Mapi commanded them, now joining you by your head and smiling her bright smile down at you, combing back some of your hair. “Hola preciosa, we'll get you back feeling better soon.” Just as she said that, a member of the medical staff pulled out one of the energy gels the team used for games. “Can you have this for me? It will make you feel better, I promise.”

With a nod, the people around you helped you to sit up as Mapi tore  open the gel packet, with Alexia still almost frozen in confusion. The defender noticed, grinning in amusement and quickly flicking her ear to bring her back down to earth.

“Ah! What's that for?” Alexia winced, watching on as Mapi shook her head and handed you the gel pack.

Your hand trembled as you raised it to your mouth, hardly possessing the strength to squeeze it enough to get anything out of it, but just as Mapi went to help you, Alexia got there first.

“It’s okay, here.” She does it for you, one hand on the packet and the other on your elbow that shakes under her hold. She seemed to be grounded now, knowing that it isn't the right moment to be wrapped up in her own thoughts when you're here in front of her, needing security and comfort whilst it takes a couple minutes to come back to yourself. “Easy with it. You'll feel better soon.”

And you did, literally no less than two minutes after having the energy gel, your nausea and dizziness and whatnot near enough disappeared. Though, your physical symptoms gave way for a barrage of anxiety, because this situation would consequently lead to an unwanted and challenging (but most likely necessary) conversation with Jonatan and the rest of the staff. They had also seen you, on the floor, near enough passed out, as a result of your own actions. You could only imagine the things they were thinking right now, and that unknown was scarier than the actual situation that had occurred beforehand.

“Feeling good now. Thanks everyone.” You said shyly, rising to your feet and avoiding everyone's gaze.

“You sure?” Alexia checked, giving you a look that tells you that you shouldn't even try to bullshit her.

“Well, a little bit… woozy, I guess. But much better than before, I swear.” You nodded, hating the feeling of everyone’s eyes on you. 

“Let’s go inside, I’ll ask the catering staff to make up some food for you, if you want?” Mapi offered as her hand hovers against your back, not touching but guiding you back inside the main building.

“Okay.” You shrugged.

Meanwhile Alexia trailed behind, trying to figure out how, as captain, she could help this situation. It’s in her best interest to care for her team, and given what she had learnt, it was now clear that there was a lot more she could do than sit back and watch. She didn’t want to come across as overbearing, something Ingrid had warned her about, but she realised it was time to step in.

“Why don’t we go to one of the office rooms rather than the canteen?” She suggested just as Mapi went to open the door heading into said room. The defender should have thought of that sooner, but she’s glad her friend mentioned it, realising it’s most definitely the better option right now for you. 

You were taken to an empty office, followed into the room by Alexia and Mapi and some of the physios, and if they weren’t overcrowding you outside, they definitely were now. In all honesty, as much as you were grateful for their care, you wanted to burrow under your duvet in bed at home and not surface for probably about a week. You wanted to grab a tray of cookies, eat them whilst seated on the edge of your bed so you didn’t get crumbs everywhere, and crawl under the sheets safe in the darkness of the four walls you had struggled to leave the past two days.

But no, you were here, stuck in a reality that in no way felt real at all. What were you doing here? Sat at a round table, surrounded by medical staff chatting between themselves, not really bothered about your blip anymore, whilst two of Spain’s greatest players stand off to the side, both pairs of eyes trained solely on you.

You, a no-name off the back of an unsuccessful run in Germany that had just collapsed after training. Them, Champion’s League winners and well-established in the sport for years already, and decades to come.

“Preciosa?” Mapi appeared beside you suddenly, speaking softly as her hand fell on your shoulder. “Is it okay if I leave now? Ingrid is still sick at home, I promised I would get back to her as fast as I could. If you need me to stay, I can. They won’t keep you here for much longer, they’re just making sure you eat before you get back home.”

She should be with Ingrid, her girlfriend who is much worse off at home. Not with you, who simply made a foolish mistake and was now wasting everyone’s time.

“Go home.” You told her as your own hands squeezed anxiously at your upper arms where they sat crossed on the table.

“Okay.” Mapi smiled pitifully down at you, giving you a light forehead kiss before backing off. She pulled Alexia to the side, giving her a warning glare. “Look after her, for me and for Ingrid. Protect her, too. Don’t let them overwhelm her, she just wants to get home.”

“Sí. Of course.” Alexia replied firmly, a solid look in her eyes that Mapi knew to trust immediately. 

The defender slipped out of the room with no further fuss, leaving you alone with Alexia and the medical staff. Not for long, though.

“Guys, could you give us a moment? And can someone go collect her food from the canteen, please.” 

They nodded and stepped out of the room, Alexia closing the door softly behind them. She turned back to you, watching as you kept your head down and focused on the shapes you traced on the wood of the table. Your shoulders were visibly tense, so uptight they’re basically touching your ears, and she noticed just how intensely your leg was bouncing up and down.

“Do you need anyth-”

“Did Ingrid tell you?” You asked bluntly, gulping back the lump in your throat that really had no place making itself known at this moment - now was not the time for a meltdown. Save it for later, in the safety of your flat.

Alexia blew out a breath, coming over to perch on the edge of the desk a few seats away from you.

“If you’re talking about what I think you are, then… yes. She did tell me.” She answered cautiously, trying to gauge your reaction but you didn’t give her much, just a single nod. “She did it with the best intentions though. It wasn’t to… purposely go behind your back. She just wants the best for you, and the more people that know, the more support you can have here.”

“I guess.” You murmured under your breath, clearing your throat after and moving to rest your chin atop your arms.

“Why… why didn’t you want anybody to know?” The midfielder wondered in a soft tone, trying hard not to scare you off or go over the top. If she wants to help you and understand you, which she desperately does, this is the pathway she has to, albeit reluctantly, go down.

“Wanted people to get to know me, not a label.” You frowned, hastily wiping the tear that slips out with the frustration slowly bubbling inside of you. “Didn’t want to be a problem for anyone. Wanted to fit in.”

Just like that, it all clicked for Alexia.

The feigned smiles, sometimes forced laughter, the troubled look on your face whenever you thought you were alone, all of it adds up. You had repressed parts of you so that things went as smooth sailing as possible, so that people didn’t think any differently of you or immediately feel drawn away like they often did. The biggest part of you, what makes you you, is the one thing you didn’t want people to see, out of nothing but complete and all-consuming fear. And Alexia would be damned if she let you go on like this.

“Can I take a seat next to you?” She said quietly, a hint of a smile on her face when you nodded again. She did exactly that; without making too much noise in the still room, she pulled up the chair next to you and sat down, her eyes raking up and down your face.

“If I told you that I don’t think any differently of you at all, would you believe me?” She began with. 

You just shrugged dismissively, not having moved a single muscle in the past few minutes apart from breathing and blinking. If you don’t move, if you don’t draw attention to yourself, perhaps this whole thing will disappear. A girl can dream.

“Because I don’t, cariño. I really don’t. You are not a problem for any of us at all. You face different struggles than us, but nobody thinks of you as anything less than a great player and an even better person. We are all glad you are here. I and others on the team will face different struggles than you, and I can bet you would never think any differently of us. Am I right?” 

Her words break through the defensive wall you’d put up to protect yourself from anything else around you. A common feature of the start of your meltdowns, except it’s quite possible that your captain had just stopped it from going any further.

Hesitantly, you sat up from your slouched position and wiped tiredly at your face.

“No, I would never.” You told her, slumping back against your chair and fiddling with the drawstring on your shorts.

“Exactly. You don’t need to worry about any of that at all, I promise. You are one of us now. A culer. We will take care of you.” She smiled brightly, you can hear it in her voice. So for the first time since you’d entered the room, you turned to look at her, only to find her eyes were filled with earnesty and kindness. And… perhaps for the first time since you’d arrived in Barcelona, you truly did feel like you belong here. Like you could make a life for yourself here, against all odds.

“Thanks.” You sniffled, feeling the remnants of your outburst fade away, only to leave overwhelming exhaustion in its wake.

“It’s okay. You can come to me anytime for anything. There will always be someone here for you to talk to, and I’ll be the first to fight for you if that’s ever necessary.” Now, you were actually smiling. A genuine one, too.

“I think Ingrid might beat you to it, actually.” You teased her, watching as she grins.

“You’re probably right.” She chuckled, before pausing. You already knew what she was about to say before she opened her mouth. Neurotypicals are just way too predictable. “How did you know Ingrid told me?”

“You can just tell when someone knows. They treat you differently.” Alexia frowned anxiously at that.

“I didn’t… did I treat you differently?” She questioned, along with a poor attempt at disguising the undertones of fear in her voice.

“You haven’t, not really, but… I don’t know, I can just tell instantly. It’s hard to explain. You haven’t treated me differently, but I could tell you knew compared to when you didn’t know. The look on your face too. But thank you for… just everything so far. You have helped a lot, so.” You shrugged. She smiled, a little in relief, but nodded nevertheless.

“You don’t need to thank me. Now, can I ask some more about what happened today? You said you forgot to eat?” 

“Yeah. It’s just because my routine was messed up, that’s all. Yesterday morning I ate before training because Ingrid had baked me some pastries, but today I had none left and then genuinely forgot. It happens sometimes, it’s just part of it.”

“Part of what?”

“Autism.” Duh.

“Oh. I did not know that.” Alexia stated simply. 

“Yeah, well, most people don’t.” You told her. Alexia nodded understandingly, a plan of action already formed in her mind.

“I’m sure you already know this, as an athlete, but it’s important for your safety that this doesn’t happen again. So I have a solution in mind that could help.” You hummed to tell her to continue. “I can ask either the catering staff here, or find a private chef, to start meal prepping for you. We can organise it on the club’s behalf so that you don’t have to pay anything. I will go with you, or for you if you’d like, to Jonatan and help sort it out for you. You can meet with a nutritionist to figure out what food you need and tell them what you do and don’t like, we can sort it all out for you. It wouldn’t be a problem.” 

Oh. You’d never thought about that before. 

“I guess that could work.” You decided after a few moments of consideration. 

That would actually be a really helpful solution. Certainly one less thing to worry about, and it could add a secure layer to your routine. An important one too.

“Would you be okay with that?” Alexia wondered, smiling when you nodded. “Good. Leave it to me, I will get it sorted for you.” 

She paused again, clearly hesitant about something. You raised an eyebrow at her, trying to coax it out of her with a look, but you couldn’t help the amused smile on your face at the sudden, faint blush that landed on her cheeks.

“What is it?” 

“Uh… there is no way to ask this without coming across as… very forward, to say the least.” She started, shaking her head at her own ridiculousness. “May I get your number? For captain’s reasons, of course.”

“Right.” You smirked, watching as she shakes her head, this time at your teasing, and grabs a pen from the stationary pot in the centre of the table. “And what shall I write it on?”

“Well… just use my hand, I guess.” She suggested, offering the back of her hand out for you. You grinned and gently took hold of it, jotting down your number for her. 

“There you go, Capi.” You smiled, clicking the pen and putting it back.

Not long after that, one of the staff members came in with the food Alexia and Mapi had organised for you. So, leaving your captain with a promise that you'll eat it the second you walked through your apartment door, you went home. It was a great meal, and if it'd be the catering staff at Barcelona that would do your meal prep, well, it'd be a great deal.

That night went just like the others; you relaxed for some time to decompress after training, until you eventually started feeling somewhat human again, and arose from bed to do one of any of your hobbies that you felt like doing that night. Reading, watching movies, drawing and painting, listening to music, or any others that pique your interest that night. 

On some occasions, you'll be so mentally exhausted from your day that none of them seem at all appealing, and it takes a lengthy period of time to feel yourself again. An hour, the rest of the evening, or sometimes even the whole week. After especially hard times, it could take weeks. Fortunately you hadn't been through such events in years, but the fear of falling into that hole ever again was always present in the back of your mind.

The thing about having this disorder is that some things never change. Most things never change. You learn to cope, you can heal from past experiences, but in the grand scheme of it all, things never change. Certain events, people, even words can still be triggers. No amount of therapy or coping mechanisms or whatever, can help. You were born this way, and you would die this way. 

You would live a life and still struggle with even the most mundane things. Washing dishes was a no-go, the sensory issues were way too intense for that one. A day without showering first thing in the morning was automatically a write off. Bad performances in matches could still lead to a meltdown on certain days. One wrong look from someone can send you spiralling.

Autism was a blessing and a curse. It made you who you are; you have no idea who you would be without it. Yet, at the same time, it could debilitate you to such extreme degrees that… at night, when you were alone under the disguise of darkness,  you can't help but wonder what you could have done with your life had you not been born with this burden.

And with the day you'd had already, well, the only way you'd learnt to get over these things were to move on from them. That's what you had to do. If you become too concentrated on them, analysed every detail that went wrong, thought about every opinion those who witnessed it could hold, you'd suffer for it more than you needed to.

You couldn't move on if others couldn't move on though.

Unknown: Did you get home safe?

There was most likely only one person it could be, but where's the fun in that?

You: Depends who I'm talking to…

Alexia: It's Alexia??

Too easy.

You: I knew it was you, dumbass. Yes I got home safe, thank you. Food was great too :)

Although, when a few minutes went by after that last text, the doubts came flooding in. Did you take it too far with her? It was a bit ballsy to say that, she's just checking in on you. Captain duties.

Then again, who was it calling you?

“Hello?” You frowned, and this was another instance where you're cursing yourself, because why was your heart racing and cheeks burning at one random phone call?

“Dumbass, huh?” Came a smug voice, and then your heart was racing for another, more light-hearted reason.

“Yeah, sorry about that… apparently I'm a bit of a keyboard warrior.” You blushed sheepishly, relieved beyond belief when the woman down the line laughed.

“Don't worry about it. You're feeling okay now, sí?” 

“Yes, fine. You know, I didn't plan for today to happen. It just did.” You mumbled, still embarrassed by it all.

“I know, no one blames you for it. I just wanted to check in with you.” 

“I'm good, thanks. I've only ever had that happen like once before, I guess training on an empty stomach isn't the greatest idea in the world.” You joked lightly, Alexia humming in agreement.

“How does it happen? You said your routine was messed up, how did that lead to you forgetting?”

“It's a long story.” You sighed, but Alexia doesn't care.

“I have a free evening.” She said simply. This woman.

“Well… every training session so far, Ingrid has met me in the morning at my apartment beforehand so we can travel in together. She normally checks in with me, asks how I'm feeling and if I've eaten and whatnot. But she was ill, which I obviously don't blame her for, by the way. So not having her with me these past two days has terrified me quite a bit. She's basically the thing that holds my whole morning routine together. I guess, because she wasn't there, everything just flew out the window.” You explained, but things still weren't quite adding up in Alexia’s mind.

“So how does that relate to you forgetting to eat? Do you not get hungry?”

“Not like normal people do. One of the things with autism is that… we're not really in tune with our bodies? Like, I don't often get hungry or thirsty, I have to force myself to remember to eat and drink. And when I don't, I only realise I haven't done either of the two when I start feeling ill, like today. But food and drink feel like a chore, which is another reason I forget too. It's different when it comes to football though, being an athlete has taught me to be in tune with my body in terms of injuries, but not for anything else. It's weird.” 

“Wow, I never knew that before. That's interesting.” She commented. She's got a lot to learn.

“I prefer… inconvenient.” You said with a shy smile, glad to hear Alexia chuckle at that.

Unexpectedly, for quite some time after that, the pair of you just… talked. A lot. Like, for an hour. About everything - from what pastries Ingrid baked you, to a few more facts about yourself and your ASD, and everything in between. 

It's unnervingly natural. Fun too, but also a little odd. Is she doing it out of pity, or..?

“I almost forgot the other reason I called you.” She said out of nowhere, the smile on her face audible once again. “We have our pre-season dinner this Friday, the whole team is going. You should come.”

A dinner? At a restaurant? Oh god.

“Oh, I… it sounds good, but I don’t know, I-”

“Hey, why not?” She questioned gently.

“Just, they’re not really my scene.”

In a split second, Alexia attempted to think back on all she knew about anxiety to combine it with the very little information she knew about autism, hoping the two overlapped somewhat. Luckily for her, they do.

“The club rents out the restaurant so it’ll just be the team and a few senior staff members. It shouldn’t be too loud. It’s more like a celebratory dinner before the season starts, so there's no partying or anything like that at all. I really hope you come, but I understand if not. There’s no pressure.”

Damn you, Alexia.

“Okay. Okay, I'll go.”

—

Normal order resumed for the rest of the week; Ingrid recovered from her short 48-hour bug and returned to training like she hadn't even had a day off. Her being back also meant your mind was a hell of a lot more at ease, even if Alexia had offered to see you every morning. 

There was one other thing you were blessed with: obliviousness. Because, during the car ride to training the day after your phone call with the captain, the smirk that Mapi greeted you with in the rearview mirror after you tell her what happened once she headed home, is definitely not confusing at all. Definitely not.

That smirk made a comeback far sooner than you'd like. 

“Say that again?” Mapi asked with a squint to her eyes, forcing down the laughter she so desperately wants to let out.

“Alexia is driving me to the team dinner.” You repeated the sentence you'd just said for her, looking to Ingrid for help. “Ingrid, tell her to behave please.”

“María, come on. Alexia is just doing her a favour, you know she's not a fan of driving.” Ingrid said whilst nudging her girlfriend, though secretly she's hiding some intense excitement levels under her very good poker-face.

“Exactly! Screw you, Mapi.” You sighed dramatically, turning back to the mirror as you put your earrings in.

“So you're sure you don't need us to drive you there?” Mapi asked suspiciously, and there was that stupid smirk again. 

“Ugh, yes! I am making friends, you should be happy!” You groaned, fixing the shorter defender with a dagger-like glare in the reflection.

“More than fr-”

“Okay! Are you ready, snuppa? When is Alexia coming?” Ingrid interjected, discreetly stomping on her girlfriend's foot.

“She's on her way, she'll be here any minute now.” You answered after checking your phone. “You know, I can't rely on you guys forever like you're my parents or something. I love you, but I don't love you that much. And I'm sure you feel the same.”

“No!” Ingrid cried out in a way that's entirely too theatrical. She came over to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I do love you that much, it's María you need to worry about.”

“I do worry about her sometimes. You should too, Ingrid.” You murmured, Ingrid humming in agreement as you watched her Spanish counterpart… busy herself in your fridge?

“María, out of there! We are literally going for dinner right now!”

“Ingrid, princesa, you need to work on your English- we're not at dinner ‘right now’, that is why I am in the fridge.” 

“Guys! Alexia is here, let's go. I'll see you at the restaurant.” You kissed Ingrid’s cheek and flicked Mapi’s forehead as you ushered them out the door, locking it behind you and making your way down to the ground floor.

Alexia was there, waiting for you whilst leaning against her car, and a smile tugged at her lips the second she saw you. You heard some commotion behind you, most likely Mapi being scolded by Ingrid, but you shut it out as you headed over to the midfielder, fighting back a ridiculously cheesy grin.

She greeted you the same way she did on the first day she met you - enveloping you in a warm hug that really shouldn’t be as comforting as it was. Not a big deal. Regardless, you both clambered into the car and made your way to the restaurant.

Thankfully, the evening went surprisingly well. It was a very low-key evening, just like Alexia said. In fact, you might even go as far as to say you enjoyed it, that’s a welcome revelation. And it seems you weren’t the only one that had discovered something new.

“Can I ask you something?” Alexia said on the drive back to your apartment.

“Sounds like there’s no stopping you.” You replied, smiling when she teasingly rolled her eyes.

“At dinner, when Patri asked why you don’t drink, you said ‘long story short, I don’t like it’ so I was just wondering what you meant by that?” Alexia asked, before almost immediately regretting it. “I mean, you don’t have to answer, it’s your business, but… if there’s anything we should be mindful about, then let me know.”

Who needed alcohol when you had a tendency to lose your inhibitions whenever you got too exhausted?

“No, not really any problems. I don’t have any issues with people drinking around me, I just have a bit of a history with it but it’s nothing big. It’s fine.” You shrugged, trying to keep your eyes open as the streets of Barcelona passed by your window. 

“What… what happened?” Alexia pressed gently.

“Well, when I was about seventeen, I started going through a really hard time. I had just dropped out of school, I’d had some trouble with friends, I was basically struggling quite badly. I started partying and drinking a lot, way more than I should have. Then I began to rely on it too much, just to get me through really basic stuff. It made me feel normal, it got rid of the voice in my head and it made me feel like a functioning person of society because it was what everybody else did. One day I decided it was best that I don’t drink at all, and it’s easier to tell people I don’t like it but actually I’m just scared of drinking because of all it reminds me of. So, I avoid it.” You explained, rather nonchalantly. 

The mental exhaustion was hitting hard that night, it was evident in the way you spoke. There was one explanation; dissociation. Dinners were not your favourite things in the world, they were a challenge to get through even when you were in the best company. Small talk, food, the sound of people eating, the scrapes of cutlery against ceramic, and the attention on some occasions being entirely on you? Yeah, a big no go. Which is why you were so tired, so distant, because your mind was in protection mode to keep you running until you got home.

Talking about your past was difficult, you’d come a long way and it felt counter-intuitive to talk about the bad times when you’d worked so hard to come to a good place. Yet, here you were, baring your soul about a topic you normally kept to yourself. You don’t even feel at least a little bit anxious at the fact you’d just spilled that secret. Alexia takes all the concern you normally feel and keeps it for herself.

“I’m sorry you went through that, cariño. Thank you for telling me.” She smiled sadly over at you, an ache growing in her heart at your defeated demeanour where you sit in her passenger seat. “Are you feeling okay? You don’t seem like yourself.”

“Tired. So tired.” You sighed. Even just talking felt like a chore in that moment. “Wanna get home, s’all.”

“Okay, we’re almost there now.” She said, “I’m proud of you for coming today. I know you weren’t a fan of the idea initially but you came, and everybody was so glad that you did. I am really proud of you, and so are Ingrid and Mapi too.”

The woman to your left surprised you everyday with each act of kindness she was showing. She hardly knew you, she hardly knew of your struggles, but she was adamant to learn and show just how deeply she cared. You were beyond grateful for her and all she’d said and done, even if you couldn’t verbalise that just yet.

All you could do was offer a simple nod, almost entirely mute as a result of how utterly overstimulating the day had been. You had loved it, sure, but sometimes when days like today left you in such a dejected state that you could hardly talk, there were still times if you wondered if fighting for a somewhat normal life was worth it. 

From then on, the rest of the drive home was silent. Alexia dropped you off, made sure you knew to contact her or Ingrid or whoever you felt comfortable speaking to should you need them, and that was that. You got inside, were barely able to get yourself changed, before passing out as soon as you got into bed.

—

A few weeks went by and it was more of the same. After that dinner, the team really clamped down and focused on getting everybody ready for the start of the new season. Training at Barcelona was different to anything you’d ever experienced before; it was intense, but light-hearted. There was competition, but it was healthy, everybody egged each other on even if they wanted to win. Ingrid was right, you had never found training this enjoyable before. You had to put that down to the people though, if it wasn’t for them then you’d never feel as comfortable as you do now. 

There were blips, there were still obstacles, but apart from that time you fell ill after training , there hadn’t really been any meltdown-inducing moments. Just a lot of burn-out and exhaustion, but you were near enough a pro at dealing with that now. 

The environment was… perfect for you. And one factor of that outcome is definitely down to the help of the famous three you had near enough attached yourself to since your arrival.

But the main factor to how well you had settled in was down to you. At some point along the way, not that the exact date mattered or anything (at exactly 12:02 on Monday the 26th of August), you hit a milestone that you had never managed to reach before. 

It was unplanned, but once the initial shock had worn off and the anxiety left, you teared up in the arms of Ingrid at the pride you felt towards yourself. Then Mapi joined in with the hug, and so did Alexia, then… so did the whole team too. 

For the first time, you were honest with your team. For the first time, you told them that you had autism. And for the first time, you weren’t suffocated by that prospect. When they all came together to hug you, it wasn’t just a physical embrace, it was them fully accepting you even with this burden you held and championed every day of your life. Though, with the support of others, it was hard to think of it as a burden. The gravity of a secret this big had weighed you down for years, but… now, your chest had never felt so light.

They supported you when you arrived, but the extremes this Spanish team took didn’t quite register until the week before the first game of the Liga F season. Fortunately for you, the first game of the season was at your new home of football, the Estadi Johan Cruyff. So, to help settle the rising nerves you were feeling as game day got closer, the club had organised a training session for you at the stadium a few days before. The more familiar you were with your surroundings, the less you had to worry about on the day. And, as everybody knew, the only thing you needed to worry about for your debut would be how well you did on the pitch.

What you didn’t know though, was that every member of your team was waiting in the stands for you to walk out. And the second the sound of boots hitting the floor echoed from the tunnel through the empty stadium, Mapi was up on her feet to cheer and encouraged her teammates to do the same. The only person that hesitated was Ingrid, but when she saw the look on your face as your te- your friends outwardly rallied behind you so openly and so freely, she became the loudest one of them all. That was the perfect way to prepare for game day, you really couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to work with everyday.

Were you jittery and wracked with nerves as you waited on the sidelines to be substituted in at the 70 minute mark? Yes, but the second you took your first step on the grass with the crowd’s applause as your welcome, you fixated on the game and everything else was just background noise. 

From a young age, before you had even heard of the word autism, football had very obviously been your special interest, otherwise known as the one random topic out of everything in the world to take over your life. 

You would spend hours in your backyard, kicking a ball against the side of your house, driving your family crazy. The walls of your bedroom were covered, corner to corner, in posters ranging from your favourite players, to clubs from all over the world. Christmases and birthdays as a kid were, to you, all about what from your presents you could add to your collection. Kits, boots, scarves, match-day programmes, magazines, even trading cards. Back at your childhood home in Norway, all these things were stored away in the attic, still items you cherished. 

As you got older and life got a bit more difficult, football became your escape. School was exhausting, people were exhausting, but football was something you could do on your own. No one bothering you, no one expecting anything from you, it was a time you could forget the world and all its misdemeanours, and just relax. And honestly, that’s all you planned for it to be. It was hard to imagine it being anything else than just a hobby.

All it took was one game to change the whole trajectory of your life. A game of girls against boys at your school at the age of only eleven, and the next day your sports teacher had gotten you a trial at the local academy. You passed it with flying colours, and flourished in the sport from there.

…Until one random day when you were fourteen, your mother sat you down for a conversation you never could have expected. But once you'd had time to dwell on her words, everything made sense. 

You had autism spectrum disorder. 

It wasn’t made official until the assessment process was over and you received your diagnosis, but that was the day it felt like your life had been irreversibly changed. Your view of the world changed with one conversation, and it was as if everything you thought you knew was wiped completely. Like you had been thrown into the ocean with no one and nothing around to help. 

All the tantrums, the bad behaviour at home compared to being a model student at school, the fussy eating habits, and the endless list of out-of-the-norm habits you had - it added up to this one, new label. The tantrums became meltdowns, the reasoning behind your behavioural differences were from spending the whole day surrounded by people and masking to fit in which led to you being so overwhelmed and overstimulated, your mind went into overdrive and didn’t know what to do. The fussy eating turned out to be sensory issues, with the textures and tastes of certain foods making you physically ill.

There was so much to learn that some days it felt like too big a challenge to tackle. Then there would be the days where you were up all night, the light of your family laptop kept hidden under the blanket you draped over yourself, as you researched this life-changing disorder until the sun rose.

It’s funny, really, how quickly your life can change with just three words.

For years, you had been defeated by it, succumbing to the assumptions that you could never amount to anything more than the label forced upon you, but look at you now. Providing a world class through ball to the most recent Ballon D’Or recipient to tie off a 3-0 win in the first game of the season.

You had learnt at some point in the last twelve years that the only choice you had was to live with it. Make the most of it. This was your one life, you had to make it work. You were adamant to thrive for the others that couldn’t, for the 1 in 13 women that didn’t believe they were strong enough to fight back, and to prove to the world that this disorder didn't hold you back.

They wouldn’t know that your mind could be your own worst enemy, or the self-deprecating thoughts you could have whilst your face gave away no hints, or that sometimes you didn’t believe in yourself and the anxiety was so intense that you could be stuck in bed for days, even weeks, at a time. All they saw right now was your team, FC Barcelona, rushing over to celebrate you rather than the goal scorer because they knew what it meant to you. The world would only ever see your victories, because they had no business to strike you when you were already down. You were strong, you were worth it, and most importantly, you had done it. You’d made it to the exact point you dreamed of. That’s all that mattered.

Unfortunately, it only takes one bad thing to set you down an unwanted path.

Part 2

[pinkyqil]

- Devil In Disguise

Featuring: barcelona femeni x mischievous !teen reader

Summary: you finally meet your teammates but things take an unexpected turn for the best

Masterlist

Notes: my most awaited fic hope you all enjoy this and it reaches your expectations more chapter's are to come every wendays and Monday and if you guys have any nicknames we can give to this little devil I'm open to suggestions or any requests for this series feel free to send them in thank you again for reading 🫶🏾

Today was the day you finally meet your teammates least to say everything went well or as mapi would end up calling you at the end of the day "niña del diablo".

You got the opportunity too meet them for team bounding which vicky invited you too as she was one of your closest friends before joining the team.

the location for tonight's occasion was at a bowling alley which you loved very much. the girls where very welcoming to you as it took a few rounds of conversation for everyone to feel comfortable with each other before the chaos unfolded.

It was meant to be a small prank vicky got you to do with her but things went downhill on your side.

"Come on it'll be fun". vicky told you

"Are you sure?". You asked her

"Sí now all you have to do is slowly trip mapi and I'll do the rest". She told you

"If you say so".

"Let's go now". She said grabbing your hand so you both could go join the other girls.

You found yourself close to mapi who had her girlfriend close to her as she was yapping about something. it happened so fast one moment you were casually talking to jana next thing you knew had tripped a very angry defender who landed straight into vicky's bowling concoction.

It gained everyone's attention who started laughing at the harmless pranks.

"You tripped me". mapi accused you

"No I didn't. you said your best trying to contain your laughter as vicky pulled you in for an high five.

"You can't lie mapi she got you smooth like butter. Patri said this time around approving of the trick you pulled on mapi who was still laying on the floor with sticky popcorn butter surrounding her.

"Your one lucky diabol".she told you

"But I didn't do anything".You told her with a wide grin on your face

"W-What why are your trying to deny it we all saw you trip me and Vicky's stunt".

"We didn't do anything I think your just very clumsy".

"You little mierd-".

"Mapi no". Getting interrupted by her girlfriend this time.

"See Ingrid sides with me". You stated as you started teasing her

"Oh you little diablo". She said before launching herself right at you grabbing your left foot taking you down with her.

"Mapi". you yelled out getting surrounded by the sound of laughter coming from your teammates.

"Hahaha I'm definitely posting this". Vicky said as she pointed out her phone that was on film the whole time.

"You wouldn't do that".

"Yes I would". she said laughing

"Then I guess you wouldn't mind joining us". You yelled out before pulling her out joining the pile that was formed.

The whole room busted put laughing once again due to you silly tactics.

"Peak comedy the nena already as it out for you three". patri said

"She's the devil alright". Mapi voice echoed the whole room as she got up.

"No soy solo un león atrevido". You said

"Bravo she speaks spainsh everyone".

"claro que te hago imbecil ". You spat back

"qué". This time around it was your captain alexia who had been observing the whole thing without saying a word until now as she dragged you by your ears.

"ah ah I didn't meant it". whining as you were currently getting scolded by your captain on your first outing.

"This all gold el diablo ya se encontró en problemas". mapi said bursting into laughter

"Keep talking and your next maría". alexia told her

"Lo siento". You both said at the same time apologizing to your captain.

"Good I don't want to hear any insult to adults even though that one there is quite childish". She told you.

"And you too maría I don't know why your whining when we all saw you fall on your own feet". alexia spoke up using the same joke on her friend that had everyone laughing again.

"Yeah mapi". You said

"No me caí fue ese diablo". She said looking annoyed at you.

The rest of the night felt magical to you it felt like all the girls welcomed you with open hands feeling like a true family barcelona was. You spent the rest of the night getting to know each one of the girls before heading home but you had one more trick in mind before your taxi came.

You were heading outside with everyone after taking some photos and that where you decided to trip mapi on your way out. but this time you got her off guard which she wasn't expecting thinking you were done with your devilish acts. for tonight but she was absolutely wrong.

"niña del diablo". she yelled out as she fell on the ground for the second time. hearing your teammates laughter once more

"Adios buenas noches a todos". You yelled out running at full speed getting inside your taxi before mapi could catch up.

[denwritesandcries]

The Wilderness Wants Us To (Kiss) – YJS

Pairing: poly!yellowjackets x fem!reader

Summary: You have experienced all kinds of weirdness ever since the plane crashed months ago, so why the weirdest thing so far is it seems like all the girls are suddenly courting you? 

Or, a series of kisses between you and your dear football team.

Word count: 4,6k.

Content: cursing, kisses, fluff, suggestive, angst if you blink, slightly dark, intoxication, the doomcoming, the wilderness but nobody has been eaten (yet).

Note: They’re all weirdos in a romantic, toxic and codependent way.

English is not my first language.

Your life has stagnated into a familiar routine since the plane crash. To clean. Hunt. Eat. Exist. Survive. Doing the same chores in the cabin, the usual hunting trip, seeing the same faces every day, not dying of hunger.  Not dying of boredom.

Nothing really seems to change other than the cultish trends that your friends seem to be slowly embracing, so if something different happens, you notice it immediately.

Once is an incidence.

Two, it could be a coincidence, but there are no coincidences in the wilderness.

Three is a pattern. That exists in the wilderness.

And the fourth is proof that there is definitely something weird going on – if you even have a sense of what is normal or not –, something that you have no idea what it is, but you know it’s there.

There's something wrong with your teammates. I mean, there's something wrong with all of you, but that's different even for them.

The thing is that you, thinking that maybe it was just in your head, only realized that you weren't imagining anything after the fifth time it happened and now that you know you can't stop thinking about it. Events keep coming back to you from times when this has happened before and you never connected the pieces.

You didn't notice at first, of course you didn't. Physical affection was becoming more common and normal between all of you every day and also because it was Jackie, the captain of your team, and physical affection on Jackie's part was already completely normal even before the plane crashed. She liked to pat you on the shoulder and hug you goodbye after classes and parties – as if she hadn't spent the day barking orders at everyone during practice, but it's Jackie and you really like her a lot, so it's okay –, you could always see her clinging to Shauna's arm, if not hers, then whoever was closest to replace her for a few minutes. Jackie likes to touch and you know it.

Receiving affection from her is like second nature, so you don't even blink when, on yet another boring and lazy afternoon, you give Jackie her old walkman, now repaired and working, and get a kiss as a thank you.

It was a silly treat to make her smile, just because she seemed so sad lately that it made you sad too. She squeals loudly and excitedly, before wrapping her arms around your neck and placing a kiss on your cheek.

She immediately runs off somewhere saying she was going to test it and show it to Shauna, completely abandoning the task of pretending to chop wood so you can complete it.

You only process what just happened when you hear a giggling coming from nearby, because of course Jackie would kiss you in front of your younger colleagues.  One of them points at your cheek provocatively and you lift a hand to your face to feel the texture of pink and shiny lipstick marking your skin. Of course, silly you not to assume that Jackie Taylor wouldn't stop wearing makeup just because of some plane crash.

Whatever, you thought, not bothering to clean the mark. Jackie is sweet. She does things like that all the time, obviously you wouldn't think there's anything weird about it. It wasn't even the first time she kissed you. Kisses on the cheek were a thing long before you left civilization.

You only wipe the stain from your face, in a short and hasty gesture, when you return to the cabin and Mari makes one of her smart comments about it, because there really was no big deal, but the provocation still makes you a little nervous.

(Jackie wears lipstick a lot more often after that, even though she's quickly running out of the only one she has left, but you don't say anything. It would be really weird to imply that you noticed her lips that much. Which you didn't do, no way.)

The second time it happens shouldn't have left you as perplexed as it did, after all everyone knew that Shauna Shipman was never far behind Jackie in the things she did, but it didn't pass through your head that she would kiss you. It was Shauna. Even though she was never rude, you weren't really close and it was embarrassing to admit that you found her a little intimidating. She had a tendency to stare in silence for a long time, which made you avoid conversations whenever you could.

Well, it wasn't a kiss-kiss since it wasn't actually on the mouth, but seeing as you weren't expecting it at all, it could have been. You're learning that reading Shauna is much more complicated than it seems, making it difficult to know if what awaits you is a punch, a bite, or – the most recent discovery – a kiss.

It happened because of the thing that seemed to drive your little society: meat. Because the food was almost running out and no matter what you and Natalie brought, it seemed like there would never be enough. And Shauna was hungry. Painfully hungry.

She always seemed to get hungry more quickly than the others, craving meat with an almost drunken need and you didn't quite understand why, even though you had noticed this detail some time ago. So when you and Nat are seen arriving back at the cabin carrying a deer, a big deer, Shauna practically runs up to the two of you, basically ripping the antler out of the blonde's hands and making you stumble to follow her back to the meat house.

You offer to help her just out of politeness and how rushed she seems, without expecting a positive response since it was common knowledge that Shauna preferred to work alone.

However, she nods her head enthusiastically as she hands you a knife and you swear you've never seen someone look so happy to slit an animal's throat alongside someone else.

When the task is done, you end up at the door with a full tray ready to be prepared for dinner back and Shauna is right behind you, with that same enthusiasm and silent yearning. It's a little unnerving, but at least she's not staring at the back of your head like she's trying to burn you like she usually does. You guessed any progress was welcome.

You just didn't expect it to progress to Shauna pulling you by the elbow to face her and tilting your face towards hers. You're so startled by the sudden touch that you only feel your face heat up as hot, wet lips meet the corner of your mouth when Shauna pulls away, taking the tray from your hands as if it weighed nothing and continuing on her way, muttering a quiet and embarrassed “thank you” over her shoulder.

You stood there like an idiot, feeling your bottom lip and part of your cheek tingle where she touched you just a moment before.

So Shauna kissed you. Okay. Nice. Maybe she was just very grateful and very hungry. Twice, coincidence. Nothing more than that.

 Right?

(Shauna looks away from you when she's caught staring at that night, which never had happened, but you attribute her red face to the fact that you're sitting by the fire.)

The third time is the one that makes you go “okay, maybe that's a thing now,” because apparently the kisses have nothing to do with Jackie-Shauna or simply gratitude – at least not entirely – and much more to do with the fact that it's you.

Which actually doesn't make much sense. Van and Taissa are together, why would either of them feel the need to kiss someone else? Why would they both feel?  And why you? It's true they haven't told anyone yet, but you know. It's a little hard not to notice when they both disappear at the same time into the forest or behind the cabin so often, but still. You don't kiss other people when you're committed. It's a principle, damn it.

Anyway, it's starting to get cold, you think there's just over two months left until winter arrives, maybe less, which makes tasks much more complicated and annoying to do. Especially when it comes to washing clothes.

Luck – Mari's damn shuffle – decided that you, Tai and Van would be the ones to do the laundry this time and the three of you dragged yourselfs grumbling and complaining to the lake, carrying piles of clothes in your arms.

Now, of all the things you have to do around the cabin, scrubbing clothes in cold running water is probably the one you hate the most. Cold, wrinkled hands, chills running down your spine, ew. The fact that Van and Tai went with you makes things at least a little less boring, with the redhead happily filling the silence, her silly jokes making the task almost bearable to accomplish. Almost.

“Ugh,” You groan for what feels like the thousandth time in the last hour, “We’re gonna end up catching a cold like this.”

“You definitely will, if you keep annoying me like this,” Tai replies, swinging her arm towards you, cold water splashing in your arms, “I'm gonna push your dramatic ass into the river, I'm warning you.”

The drops make another chill run through your body, so just for the audacity, you straighten up and let your body fall against hers with the most done expression you can muster in a few seconds.

Tai screams your name indignantly when a wet t-shirt slips out of her hands and falls straight to the ground, but you don't pay much attention when lets out a loud and exaggeratedly long sigh, hearing Van’s laugh as she watches the scene.

And Van, wonderful, too sweet for her own good, Van, decides to finally take pity on your little show – maybe you really were spending too much time with Jackie – and finish what you had left of your part of the pile and you would definitely have jumped in her arms and kissed her for it, if you weren't, you know, in front of her girlfriend.

It turns out that blinking your eyes and sighing doesn't work as well for you as it does for Jackie, because as soon as you get ready to go back, bending down to pick up the heavy basket full of clothes, a familiar hand pushes your chest.

“Shit, Taissa!”

“I said I would do it, didn’t I?” She stands in front of you, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised as she watches your form lying, shaking and soaking wet at the river's edge.

Van's laugh doesn't bring you that rush of happiness from moments before, since now you're sure that she only decided to help you because she knew what Tai was going to do anyway. That little shit.

You walk past them with the basket in your hands, a trail of water in your wake and a frown on your face.

The way back is completely silent, except for the sound of your fast breathing in your rush to get there and warm up and the girls' requests for you not to get upset over a silly joke. Whatever. You won't say a word to them no matter what they do.

“Oh, come on,” Van wraps an arm around your neck, “We didn’t want to make you so upset, right Tai?”

Tai moves closer, her shoulder brushing against yours, but you remain quiet regardless, even if your willpower to remain upset wanes a little.

“Right” she agrees, sounding very unconvincing, “What can we do to make it up to you?”

“We are so sorry,” Van reiterates, blinking innocently.

Your only response is a noise from your throat that sounds a lot like a petulant mumble and you feel the look they exchange over your shoulder.

And then Van's arm brings you closer and there are lips on either side of your neck. You freeze, breath hitches.

It's not fast like the other ones, but long and drawn out as if it's trying to prove you. A shiver runs down your spine and the baby hairs on the back of your neck stand up, even though you swear it's just because your skin is still damp from the fall. You can feel Van's hair tickling your face and Tai's breath is warm against your chin.

You blink and Van is walking away with a wolfish smile on her lips, whistling absentmindedly and Taissa has the basket you were carrying in her own arms.

“Aren’t you coming?” Van turns when she notices you still standing and Tai arches an eyebrow, as if to say 'so?' and you stumble after them.

“...Sure, whatever!” You stutter, face as red as your goalie’s hair, “But if I get sick, that’s on you!”

“You won’t!”

You return to the cabin with your head down, but for a completely different reason this time. You feel weird, embarrassed, even with your friends walking calmly beside you. It feels weird to just call them friends too.

(Three times – or was it four? It's a pattern. Definitely a pattern.)

You do, in fact, get sick and the fifth time feels more like a fever dream than anything.

Seriously. You survive a plane crash without any serious injuries, but a flu is what knocks you out. You end up in the attic, with a heavy chest, incessant sneezing and a high fever that won't let you sleep.

And of course, Misty Quigley hovering over you like a hawk.

In fact, all your friends seem to be hovering over you in an overprotective way these days, which might not be strange considering the situation, but other people in the group have gotten sick before, including the younger ones, and none of them have reacted like this.

Van and Tai spent the entire time staring like kicked puppies from across the room until Misty kicked them both downstairs so you could try to get some sleep. It wasn't doing much good, but the momentary tranquility was really appreciated.

Misty has been with you the whole time since your fever started and you let her ramble happily while she plays nurse, putting damp cloths on your forehead and helping you drink hot tea, even though you insist you're well enough to do so. She seems very happy to be helpful, so you let her spoil you as much as she wants.

You turn over on the cold floor, wrapping the blankets tighter around you as you sneeze again and Misty sits next to you, but there's nothing she can do at the moment to make you better, so she stays still, looking nervous and pushing her glasses on the tip of the nose with her fingers.

You think about how she seemed to have looked with longing and something that might have been envy when Jackie ran her hand through your hair in the morning before going outside with Shauna after leaving you another blanket. She looked the same when Lottie rubbed your shoulder gently and spent time by your side throughout the afternoon, leaving what appeared to be a half-cut crystal near where your head rested. It's just like she wanted something, but didn't know what or if she could do it. You don't know exactly what too.

Your ears ring and you think about your teammates, your friends and kisses. Four kisses on three occasions. Things that didn't happen before, but apparently happen now and that follow a strange pattern. You wonder who will be next to follow it.

You do what you do next in the fog of sleep and fever, because you'll never be able to actually sleep if you don't have a proper place to rest your head. It has nothing to do with the possibility opened in your last thought.

Her legs are soft under the blue and yellow shorts she wears when you crawl around and rest your head on them and it's certainly much more comfortable than the floor.

“Talk,” You mumble, clearing your throat at the hoarse voice.

“What?” She squeaks and you can tell it caught her in surprise by the way her eyes roam over your form, unsure of what she just heard and what's going on.

Misty is clearly alarmed, arms raised above her body as if she's afraid to touch you, her glasses falling onto the tip of her nose again as she looks down to face you, blonde curls falling across her face.

“What– What are you doing?” She asks.

“Weren’t you saying something about Plato?” You hold back a yawn as you fix yourself on her lap, ignoring her question completely, “Come on, keep going.”

She seems to ponder for a second, jaw dropped in confusion, but you don't move, so she picks up where you assume she left off. After a few minutes listening with your eyes closed, you feel her soft hand rest hesitantly on your back, running her fingers up and down when you don't protest.

You let out a sigh when you finally manage to relax, her voice calming the ringing in your ears a little and when you squint your eyes, Misty seems perfectly satisfied.

That's it, you think, that's what she wanted then.

Your body still has sporadic chills, but you feel like falling asleep, having lost track of how much time has passed with Misty talking to the walls about whoever the philosopher of the moment is. Your head feels heavy, you can barely keep your eyes open. It's good not to be alone when you're like this.

You're not sure whether or not you imagine the cold lips against your warm forehead when you sleep, but it counts as success for your little test. Five.

(You only wake up the next morning, feeling much better and more energetic, even without remembering a single word you said to Misty, just having fallen asleep on her lap for a while. The way she blushes and laughs after that, staring and following you around whenever she can, says that she remembers it very well. Coach Ben gives you a look full of sympathy when he sees her clinging to your arm, which you don't quite understand.)

The sixth time happens in the middle of the forest. It's windy, sun almost down, with Natalie walking beside you. It's the most peaceful moment you've had in your life in weeks, and it's also the moment you realize that maybe there's something wrong with you as much as the rest of the team.

Nat is talking, complaining about how Travis – the closest thing she'll have to a boyfriend in this place – is mad at her. He won't hunt or talk to her, much less touch her.

That's why you're following her, actually, the hunting part. You don't have much sense of your place in the group compared to the others, doing a little bit of everything when necessary, but Natalie seems to enjoy your company on these occasions, even if your aim with the rifle isn't as good as hers.

You spend so much time listening to her complain about mundane things like condoms and the flask of old booze she found in dead-mummified-guy's stuff that you feel the absurd urge to laugh. It's so strangely normal – except for the mummy part, but still.

Maybe that was what made you open your mouth after minutes of silence and broken snorts:

“So he can't get it up once and now he's mad at you? Damn Nat, if you need someone to make out that badly then I could help you with that.”

It comes out half as a mockery, half as truth, because that's what you do. Help people, fix things. But it's sarcastic, because it's just a stupid idea for Natalie to even consider.

Except she suddenly goes quiet and when you turn your head, she's looking at you. Eyes half-closed, mouth open, wanting.

When she kisses you, you're already waiting, longing for it, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against the nearest tree. You think about how she was the only one who had the courage to chase your lips, to take what she really wanted.

The only thing you can feel is the weight of Nat's hands – cold, always so cold, even though winter is still a while away – on your hips, one sliding up your back to grasp the hair at the back of your neck, lips parting and tongue finding yours almost desperately and then you can't think about anything else but her. Natalie, who is much stronger than she looks and who also holds her own to stay sane in this place much better than anyone could imagine. Natalie, the bane of your existence and also your best friend. Natalie, who kisses like she hunts: with all the confidence her reputation demands.

If you close your eyes tightly and try hard, you can almost pretend you're at one of Lottie or Jeff's parties, listening to your friend complain about a stupid boyfriend, getting euphoric because she likes you better than the said stupid boyfriend.

And then she's pulling away, mouth swollen and hair completely messed up from where your hands had been placed. The moment ends and you come back to reality, picking up the rifle from where it was lying on the grass and looking around uncertainly. You guys didn't catch anything today. Food is running out.

You return to the cabin in complete silence.

(You don't see Natalie trying to talk to Travis after this, nor him with her, but you don't think she cares.)

You stopped counting after that, kisses and touches becoming a blur in your mind as the days pass and your worry increases. Whatever this is seems less important than what's happening at the moment: little food, few coats, winter approaching, a fucking baby coming.

However, it all comes back to them anyway, when you finally realize that you were right all along, that there really was something wrong with all of you and everything goes south quickly when someone decides to put mushrooms in the food.

It was an unspoken knowledge between you that the Yellowjackets would never be able to have a proper homecoming, so when the idea of a ​​doomcoming came up in the conversation, even as a bad joke, you were one of the first to agree to it. A bittersweet goodbye sounded better than nothing.

You just didn't expect everyone to end up on drugs and acting like they were in some kind of cult. What did you miss that got you all to this point?

There is someone howling in the forest. Someone, not an animal. Or maybe they really were animals, given the way they're all chasing you now.

Just a moment ago you were genuinely enjoying the night, dancing with Ravi to Lottie's humming music and drinking fermented punch for who knows how long, even with a small feeling of being watched sent shivers down your spine at times. Then there was no sign of Ravi or Travis – nor Coach Ben, but he escaped somewhere in the woods with Natalie's canteen in his hand the second Misty's back was turned – and things started to get... confusing after everyone helped themselves to some stew.

Now there's someone howling in the forest and your head is spinning, hurried footsteps sound behind you as you end up back in front of the cabin after running in circles, a rabbit cornered by an entire pack.

Leaves are stuck in your hair, the hem of your dress is torn and covered in dirt, and you're sure you scraped one of your knees while running. There are also a bunch of dilated pupils focused on you.

Shauna is the first to approach, which surprises you so much that it gives the others time to do the same, big, sad, hazy brown eyes seeming to see deep into your soul.

“Why do you keep running away from us?” she asks, a pout that you can't tell if it's fake or not formed on her face, sliding a hand gently up your arm to your waist pulling you close and keeping her grip tight.

Jackie has her head cocked to the side and a smile painted red rather than pale pink like the first. She looks a little more composed than you'd expect, standing next to Shauna and bouncing in her step expectantly.

That was all it took to realize that you couldn't pull away even if you wanted to, melting against the scalding skin as if you had no problem getting burned.

“I'm not. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”

The words came out slow and slurred on your tongue as if you didn't know exactly what you were referring to.  This whole crazy night? Absolutely, but there are also so many other moments not recognized before.

You find yourself guided back to the cabin when you hear Lottie's voice in the background and Misty taking your hand to guide you. It all ends up there anyway.

You're unsure when you're placed in the pile of blankets and sheets on the floor, the lit fireplace warms the room like never before and there seem to be hands everywhere when Natalie enters your field of vision.

“I think you're a little too high right now, hun,” Nat scoffs, as if she's amused by your slowness.

You feel a laugh grow in your chest though you don't mean to, “You– you think so?”

“Yep,” she clicks her tongue, “The mushrooms hit hard.”

“Mushrooms!?” You let out a squeak of surprise when you're suddenly pulled back against someone's front, recognizing Taissa's nails scratching your back through your dress.

“'M sorry." Misty mutters disjointedly, tracing the lines of your palm like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

“What–”

You stop mid-sentence when you make a sound in the back of your throat as you feel Van's teeth graze the junction of your shoulder and neck, bright green eyes and a wolfish smile on her recently healed face. You knew right away who the hell was howling.

“Oh, come on,” Van echoes with the same provocation from the day in the lake, “Don't tell me you're afraid of It.”

“It?” Your breath hitches when a hand guides your head up and there she is.

Lottie Matthews looking down at you, an antler crown on her head that makes you slack-jawed and hazy looking, looking completely divine and you hesitate when you realize that the entire team has gathered around you, as if they were waiting for something. What the fuck is going on?

Lottie leans down to your level, face dangerously close to you, and you swallow hard when your eyes settle on her lips. She never kissed you, not like the others, something that always left a doubt in your head; an almost embarrassing curiosity to know what it would be like.

She meets your eyes with a malicious gleam, like she knows exactly what you're thinking and leans in a little more and just as you close your eyes to meet hers, hunger lips stray to your jaw.

“Lottie–” you squirm and the hands on your hips hold you tighter.

Nat silences you, running her fingers through your face provocatively while Lottie trails kisses down your neck, working her way down. Everything seems too stuffy, like you're melting at their touch.

“It's okay.” She reassures, cold, chapped lips finding your chest, teeth scraping the skin, “It wants us to, can't you feel It?”

You can't feel it, not really, you never understood this strange connection everyone seemed to feel with the wilderness that you didn't, but there are gentle hands caressing you, making you sink deeper and deeper and Lottie is finally kissing you, just like you wanted; lips stopping right over your heart, as if she wanted to devour it.

“Yeah." You say, “I feel it.”

You're sure the cabin is on fire, but you're the only one who's burning.

[chiipay]

Omg I love your works!!

So basically I really want the 'protecting you' scenarios (like the reader is getting harrassed and our bllk bfs throw a punch) of Rin, Karasu, Nagi and Barou (and anyone else you want!!!) Thank you 🥰🥰

Okay (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ I'm suck at this scenarios so I'll try my best (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

F*CK OFF 👹- ITOSHI RIN

You and Rin are just strolling in the supermarket to pick up some groceries since you kinda ate everything in the fridge as it was for 'emotional food therapy' you said to Rin. He didn't budge about it and just grabbed the back of your shirt and dragged you to the supermarket with him.

The thing happened when he left your side for a minute because his teammates called up on him there and he had to shoved them to the other side because they seem to be bugging you in his eyes.

You were just strolling down to find some ice cream for Rin- bending your body a bit to grab out from the cooler. A whistle from a guy behind you was heard making you shudder and alert of it. You quickly stand up properly and twist your head 90° (jk) to face the guy. You thought about slapping him but you somehow met with an unconvincing entrance of Itoshi Rin already grabbed the collar of the guy shirt-

You quickly step in and drag Rin away from the poor guy who now looks anxious while you mutter a small apology to him somehow you felt bad. As you drag rin away from the scene, Rin looks towards the guy while lifting middle finger to him as he grumbles a lot of curse words making you drag him with you even faster-

"I'm gonna kill you- gonna hunt you- fuck you- kys- go die- commit suicide- don't stare at her- fuck you- fucking disgusting- die die die-" you have to put your hand on rin's mouth so he wouldn't try to curse the poor guy whole generation.

BEGONE 🗣️‼️- KARASU TOBITO

Dang- you just wanted to see karasu at practice today- why is this happening to you..ughhh-

Some guy came up to you while you were navigating about the location karasu gave you. The guy kept bugging you to have a ride with him in his vehicle but even with so many refusal he seems to not be getting a hint. You were thiiiiissssss 🤏 close to hit him with your purse.

" come on, it will be fun-"

He whistles at you making you infuriating even more.

' dang-just leave me alone- WHY THE HELL KARASU SEND ME A LOCATION OF NOWHERE TO BE FOUND-"

You walk even faster on the sidewalk completely ignoring the guy who kept giving offers to you. You didn't even realize his vehicle stopped as he stepped out of his own vehicle and started to walk up to you.

You noticed the guy a minute later before you started to run for your life while that same guy chased after you. ' OH SH-'

You bumped into some hard chest making you look up instantly and met with the so-called crow head. Karasu smiles cheekily at you and looks at the guy who chased you who's now just standing in front of karasu.

" thanks for assisting her, sure you got some business to do aren't yah? "

Karasu put his hand on the guy's shoulder. You didn't know what was happening due to karasu holding you close to his chest. But you could hear the guy slowly walking away leaving you and karasu alone.

" sorry- yer good? Thought you got lost in the forest for a sec."

" you did a shitty job on sending a location-"

"my bad. Let me treat ya some goods kay?"

TING KE TING🔥- NAGI SEISHIRO

You weren't a big fan of football but somehow Nagi managed to drag you into one of his games today. You have lost when he started to give you a puppy eyes look. It was his cheeks you think that your defense got lost there. Bro has chubby cheeks you could not resist.

You sigh deeply as you look towards nagi from your seat. Yeah he's good at playing it- it's not like you are mesmerized by his goal when he trapped the ball perfectly and tricked his ally thinking his going to pass it- yeah you definitely aren't mesmerized by it.

" hi- is this seat taken?" A pair of eyes came into your vision as the guy asked you.

"oh- uh no.." you shake your head a bit. The guy smiles towards the answer and happily sits next to you making you try to distance yourself away for a bit---🤏

"that guy is good right? That number 10, nagi. " The guy leans a bit towards your side making you anxiously getting nervous asf.

" Huh-? O-oh oh yeah number 10? He's very good at trapping.. he's a good player." You nervously laugh a bit. It's kinda funny to talk about your partner to some stranger. You talked to him for a bit while making a conversation about football which you weren't interested in but still managed to answer because Nagi used to ramble it to you. While talking, you didn't notice Nagi sending death glare at the guy you were talking to from afar.

You stop talking for a bit as you look back to the field to seek for Nagi just to find him looking at you while pouting from the very far. You got confused as Nagi lifted his hand and pointed to the seat next to you making you look at the side and see the guy who looked at you too. It took you a second, before you widened the hit as you looked at Nagi again and shook your head lots of times while making an explanation in a sign language.

Nagi looks at you for a bit before returning back to his teammates clearly ignoring your demure. Oh no. Looks like you gotta prepare yourself when you get back home..

RAWR RAWR 💥- BAROU SHOEI

" here- try this on." Barou who is lending his jacket to so you could be covered properly.

Barou who would blame the society who can't keep their eyes to themselves. Barou blames his own kind for not being able to keep their hands off someone who's uncomfortable with touching. He's mad for sure. He put his jacket securely around your waist before neatly settling it jacket's hands into a pretty bow.

It wasn't your fault and Barou knows that. Barou almost put up a fight with some guy on the street when the guy started hitting on you.

"...sorry" you mutter in a small voice as Barou leads you to sit on a bench.

"it's not your fault. Don't be sorry." Barou who's treating you carefully not wanting to upset you from what happened earlier. He felt like he was the one who should apologise to you for not being there.

"...i wanna go home.."

" mhm..got it. Want me to carry you? It's already late, no one is here so we can have the night for ourselves." Barou who softens his voice so you wouldn't be scared by him.

"...that would be nice..." He slowly reaches his hands before making it way to your back and under your thighs and lifts it up.

" do you want something along the way? There would be a convenience store nearby." You shook your head and Barou hummed in response. Barou who carries you as you slept peacefully under his care. Barou who would punch the guy that bothered you if he ever saw him again

[rainydayathogwarts]

Hey I’m the anon that asked about the JJ fic. I’m so sorry i definitely should’ve checked who you wrote for. If it’s ok could you please do the same prompt but with Emily instead? Thank you so much and sorry again

Hey! It's absolutely no worries, there's nothing to apologise for! Your request just reminded me that I had made a list of characters I wrote for but when I went to look for it, I couldn't even find it, so how was I supposed to expect other people to? Anyway, I hope you like the fic!

summary: tatted!reader is new to the team and she talks back to Emily so one day after work Emily corners her and teaches her a lesson about respect. warnings: public sex (parking lot), bratty!reader (i think), fingering, dom!emily (who's also kind of a bitch:)) 1.4k+ wc

When Emily first joined the team, it had taken people time to warm up to her, so she knew the importance of showing kindness and respect to new members of the team. However, when she'd seen you walk through the bullpen doors for the first time, she knew she'd have a problem with you on the team. Not for any personal reasons per se, but rather due to the effect you had on her. Clearly a few years younger than the others on the team, you walked confidently, wearing an all black outfit; trousers and a top with elbow-length sleeves that put no effort in covering the tattoos snaking down your arms. Emily briefly wondered where else you had tattoos that she couldn't see.

"Well that's no good." Had muttered Derek, trying to hide his smirk while looking up at Emily's reaction to you walking in. It didn't take a profiler to figure out she was attracted to you, and unfortunately for her, you were able to read all her signs. Over the first month of you working at the bau, you had pieced together why she could barely hold eye contact with you, avoiding speaking to you altogether until her behaviour completely changed and she started acting bossy towards you, holding eye contact for perhaps a little too long, trying to intimidate you. She was unsuccessful. Even though you didn't mind that she liked you, sharing knowing glances with Derek, who you had quickly grown close to, you didn't appreciate being treated any less nicely than your other teammates due to a little crush.

One day, on a local case in Quantico, you and Emily had been put in charge of getting lunch by the big bossman Hotch, a list of everyone's order written on your phone. "Hey, y/n," Emily started, at the end of a very awkward drive. You hummed, turning your head to face her. "I'm just saying this out of care for you, coworker to coworker. I don't think your tattoos being on display is professional for work. Strauss wouldn't appreciate them." You tried not to let your annoyance show on your face, instead shooting her a smile and saying "Well I'm sure Strauss would appreciate the fact that they don't get in the way of my work, wouldn't she?"

It was obvious to the rest of the team when you returned that tensions between you and Emily were high. Emily tossed the takeaway bags on the table with an irritated sigh, her jaw clenched tightly. You sat on your chair around the circular table in the conference room, tugging your sleeves higher up your arm. "Hey guys," You started smugly "do you think Strauss would have a problem with my tattoos?" You got a mix of responses, starting with JJ's "Well, she hired you so..." And Derek's straightforward "No she shouldn't." while Spencer only stared in confusion, glancing between you and Emily. "Yeah, I didn't think so." You stated, looking straight up across the table where Emily sat, opening her container of food.

That night, you and Emily had been the last to leave, frantically finishing up your reports. It was a silent race, an unspoken battle. You slammed your last file close in victory, running up to Hotch's office to hand it in before packing up your things, hoping to get to the elevator before Emily magically finished her reports too. Fetching your keys out of your bag when the elevator doors opened, you clicked the button to unlock your car, jogging to pull the door open and dropping your bag on the driver's seat when a shout of your name had you shutting the door frustratedly, spinning on your heels. "Oh shit." You mumbled, watching the taller woman storm over to you. You could just get in your car and drive away before she got to you, but... you were intrigued.

You stumbled backwards when she kept on charging your way despite how close she already was to you, your back hitting the cold steel of your car. The woman stood chest to chest with you, a hand coming to rest on your car right next to your head, dropping the bag she carried on the floor next to your feet. "What, so you think it's funny to just call me out like that in front of all my coworkers?" She seethed, her face only inches away from yours. Your breath shook when you replied "Well I wanted to hear their insight on what Strauss would think of my tattoos before I did anything about it." Gasping at the hand grabbing your waist, you couldn't help but glancing down at Emily's lips, licking your own in the heat of the moment

Emily's breath hit your face when she chuckled and you swallowed, thighs clenching slightly. "It's so fucking obvious that you want me." She scoffed, hand on your waist lowering to grip your hip. "Says you. Couldn't make eye contact with me for a month." You squealed when her lips hit yours in a desperate kiss, both your hands coming up to cup her jaw. Emily pushed her knee between your legs, thigh pressing against your pussy, making you gasp. She took the opportunity to slip her tongue in your mouth, moaning when she felt you grind your hips down on her thigh. "Take this as a sign to respect people when they give you advice, okay?" She panted, biting down on your lower lip. You whined, pushing her away from you by the shoulders so you could bite back with "What kind of advice is telling me to cover up my tattoos?"

"Well unless you want me pouncing on you every day, I'd suggest you take it." She whispered before reconnecting your lips together, her hand lowering from the side of your face so she could unbutton your trousers. Tugging Emily closer to you, you briefly separated your lips from hers to whisper "Yeah, no way I'm taking that advice." Your words were cut off into a gasp when Emily slid her fingers under your panties, finding your clit in no time. "Emily, we're gonna get caught!" You whispered, all hints of sass leaving your voice. "Not if you stay quiet sweetheart." She kicked one of your legs to the side, making you spread them further as she rubbed your wetness around your entrance, pressing kisses on your neck.

Probing two fingers at your entrance, she slowly sunk them into your core, observing your face carefully. The second your jaw fell open, a loud whine escaping you, she slapped her free hand on top of your open mouth, quickly averting her gaze to the rest of the parking lot, making sure you in fact would not get caught. "What did I just say?" She angrily muttered, pressing herself against you even more, trapping you between her body and your car. Both your arms moved, one wrapping over her shoulder to help hold you up, the other coming up so you can grip her bicep tightly. Her fingers were quick to move in and out of you, the graphic squelching noises louder than the sounds of pleasure you were making, head leaning back against the cool steel of your black car with your eyes shut tightly.

Desperate for more friction, your thighs squeezed around Emily's hand, a silent plea for more. Her hand didn't budge against your mouth, even when you drooled on it, instead slowing the hand inside you so she could rub your clit with her thumb while thrusting in and out of you. You're sure her hand will start cramping at any moment now. Your brows furrow, and you moan quietly against her, accepting the forehead kisses she gives you as a compromise for trying to stay quiet. You try telling Emily you're going to cum, but your words muffle against her hand. However, she somehow gets the hint from the way you give her a desperate look and your thighs start shaking, moans getting harder to compress. "Shhh, good girl, good girl." She mutters, leaning so close to you her breath hits your ear.

When your quiet moans subside, Emily finally removes her hand from over your mouth, instead using it to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. She lets you catch her breath before pulling out of you, buttoning up your trousers while you observe her quietly. "Thank you." You finally say timidly. Emily grins, leaning in for one last kiss. "How about you let me take you out on a date this weekend." You nod with a laugh, turning around to tug your car door open. "Oh my god, we're so dumb." You gasp, spinning to face Emily again. At her confused expression, you continue, stating "We could have done all of that in my fucking car." Emily laughs, leaning down to pick up her bag before she walks off, calling out "Good night!"

[sulumuns-dootah]

What WHB characters would wear in the human world: Niflheim

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

    ༺☆༻

Bold of you to assume he'd get dressed for going out

So if he has to go outside, he'll just sleep in normal clothes and be ready to somewhat go

Oversized and comfy clothing

With the whole edgy thing, he'd absolutely love the 90's nu metal fashion (as well as the music)

    ༺☆༻

Oh look, another demon wearing a suit

But who's really complaining since they all look hot in it, right?

Whenever he's out with Belphie, he looks like a father with his angsty son

Actually, I don't think he'd change up his suit that much

    ༺☆༻

As much as I love the whole grey shirt look he's got going on I need to see Gusion in the onesie from his original design in color ^^

And yes, maybe the Gusion we have now wouldn't wear much gamer stuff, but he's just lying to himself

Tell me this man isn't partially tired from losing MLBB games because his teammates are idiots

Also thinking about it, he's giving 707 from Mystic Messenger vibes

#BringBackTheOnesie

(There's literally zero good pics of men wearing cute onesies >.>)

    ༺☆༻

Our moon boy absolutelly loves the darker academia/witchcore aesthetics

While looking up references, I found Klaus from The Umbrella Academy and his look from the ending of season 2 (or at least i think) is definitely it!

A lot of moon imagery

Another member of the looking-like-a-dilf-while-hanging-out-with-a-friend club

I can honestly see Beleth and Bathin drop Belphie and Stolas their teen and toddler off at a playground and go drinking and gambling to the bar right next to it

    ༺☆༻

This poor baby can't actually see, but his style is always on point

Same as Beleth, why make him stop wearing a suit when he looks so good in it?

Andre is, however, very picky with his fabric textures and only the finest fabric usually passes

So don't be surprised if his single suit costs more than your existence

Hell, some of his suits could cost more than Bimet's designer statement pieces

    ༺☆༻

Ooh, dramatic cape moment for a dramatic ex-king

Flashy everything so everyone can make him out in a crowd

Will always be wearing a crown on his head

Ofc all the "peasants" will look at him and look for a camera bc who dresses like that on the daily

    ༺☆༻

Why was my first thought that "thought they were giving nonbinary slay, turns out it was just a priest" twitter post?

Either way, to feed into Agares' delusions, Vassago wears a matching suit and sometimes carries the cape so it doesn't get too dirty

Sometimes even the Hades nobles can get envious over how nice his suits look

[justwinginglife]

may I request hoshina x reader where the reader is jealous because hoshina is not paying attention to her but more on okonogi:›

i just discovered your account and it's already my favorite

Omg I'm so honored to be your favorite, thanks so much! That makes me so happy, you have no idea. I will keep posting more!

You thought you had an understanding with the Vice Captain of the Third Division. You didn't have an official label for whatever this thing was between the two of you, but there was something, right? The chemistry between the two of you was undeniable, or at least that's what you thought.

You start to rethink every interaction you have ever had with Hoshina when you see him smiling and laughing and hanging on every word Okonogi is saying.

You grit your teeth as you watch.

Yesterday, he was just joking crassly about how good your ass looked in your combat suit and you'd retorted that it would look even better bent over for him, causing him to shut up as the blood rushed to his face and probably somewhere else too.

It was these kind of comments that you'd say to each other in passing that made you feel like there had to be some sort of connection. Or was it just shameless flirting that meant nothing??

You thought about the day before yesterday, when you'd gone out with Hoshina because your ex was harassing you and Hoshina felt the need to buy you a drink. Was that just him being a supportive teammate?

And then there was the time you injured your leg so he carried you all the way back to transport from the center of the battlefield in the middle of a fight, slicing down a safe path for the two of you. Was that just him being a good Vice Captain??

Goddamnit. He was making it really hard to distinguish what was platonic and what wasn't. Where was the line? Did the two of you have any lines? Any boundaries? You'd always felt the two of you were closer than anyone else and there was no uncharted territory for the two of you to cross into. But this, this was definitely new.

This feeling like you were losing him right before your eyes. Like maybe "crush" wasn't a strong enough word anymore for what you felt for him. You watch him run a hand through his hair as he smiles at her and you think "like" isn't even a strong enough word for the ache in your heart. You refuse to acknowledge what you might be feeling as whatever the two of you have might be finished before it's even started.

Your stomach turns at the thought.

You should be the one by his side.

You're not someone who begs, you're not someone who pleads, your ego wouldn't let you, but for a moment you feel like getting on your knees and telling him to look at you, to pick you, to choose you. Not her. Not anyone else.

You don't want to be another teammate, you don't want to be a casual fling, you want to be engraved into his skin, his lips, his heart. You want to be his air, you want to be his light, you just want to be his. You want him to want you. To need you. To desire you. To... love you.

You bite your lip. Fuck. You love him.

As this realization hits you, you can't stand there and watch anymore. You march over to him, yank on his arm, and -to both his and Okonogi's surprise- you drag him away with you until you're in a different room, just the two of you.

"What just happened?" He asks you, still stunned.

"You're looking at another woman and it's not me." You say simply, though you feel embarrassed at how juvenile and immature that sounds.

He laughs. "Jealous, love?"

He's just messing with you but you're more serious than you've ever been in your entire life. "I am, in fact."

He hears the tone in your voice and swallows as he realizes the two of you are finally about to have it out. "And... why is that?" He asks slowly, eager to hear your answer.

"Because I want you. And I feel like you want me too. Or am I wrong?"

He gulps. "I... uh..."

"Tell me. When you flirt with me am I just another woman? When you hold me, let me cry to you, let me lean on your shoulder, am I just a friend? When you give me advice, train with me in private, are you just my Vice Captain?"

His eyes lock onto yours. "No." He says firmly.

He takes a step towards you, though it looks like it takes some effort. "I... I do want you." The words come out softer than he'd wanted, he'd meant to declare them not mumble them.

"I want you." He says again, this time his voice doesn't waver, it doesn't falter.

Your heart is doing jump ropes in your chest.

"So do something about it then."

In an instant, he's closed the distance between the two of you, his lips a searing hot sensation against yours. He drinks you in like you're fresh water in a desert. You feel his desire, his passion, his love as he continues pressing up against you. He backs you into a wall and keeps kissing you hungrily, but it's not a lustful kiss, it's a desperate kiss like he needs to show you just how much of an effect you have on his soul.

"Be mine." He whispers against your ear, kissing it softly.

He doesn't have to ask. You're already his.

[adventuringblind]

Misinterpreted

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Genre: Fluff and Crack

Summary: She couldn't see what everyone else could. Not until it hits her all at one.

Warnings: enemies to lovers, a whole lotta blushing

Notes: Thanks to the requester for this idea!! Sorry it's so short...

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

It's not like she meant to hate him. She just couldn't see what everybody else was.

Charles is just another person like the rest of them. Yet people still fawn over him like he's been sent from the god's.

At least, that's what she thought growing up. Going through karting and the feeder series with Charles was torture. She was just there, trying to carve her way into formula 1. He had everyone chanting his name, loved by many, the future golden boy of Ferrari.

She'd made it a point to stay far away from him. Simply because she never saw the point of conversing. Definitely not because she is terrified of speaking to people in general.

"Watcha staring at?" Max sidle's up next to her and wiggles her eyebrows. She squeaks out a noise and lets herself calm down from the startle. Leave it to her teammate to know what she's doing.

"None of your business."

"Really? Because it looks to me like you're staring at Charles."

She violently hushes Max. "Shh! Someone could hear you!"

Max rolls his eyes before smirking at her. He looks pointedly at the Monegasque with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Don't you dare-"

He whistles, successfully grabbing Charles' attention. He smiles and waves him over. "You'll be fine!"

She can feel the blush spreading across her face. Her hand slaps Max's shoulder playfully. She moves to make an escape, like she has to be anywhere else but here.

Max grabs her wrist, looking playful, but there is that look in his eyes that says he will force her if she doesn't comply. Needless to say, she sits back down. Her eyes fall in love with the dirty grey of the cement ground.

"Hello you two!" He sounds so happy for this early in the morning. She briefly looks at her watch.

Correction: He's so happy at two in the afternoon. Why is he even happy at this time? Charles, apparently.

"Charlie! We were just talking about you." Max jabs an elbow into her side.

"All good things, I hope. I know I'm not a favorite to some." She can feel his obnoxiously pretty eyes burning holes into her.

Max barks out a laugh, then looks between the two of them. "Okay, I can feel the tension. Which is saying something, since normally I'm the one creating it."

Charles gives a wary look to the female still sinking into herself. "I wouldn't be opposed to lessening the tension."

"Great! I'll send her your way tonight at eight."

"Sounds like a plan."

Charles leaves the two alone finally and she sobs in relief. "Why are you crying? I though you liked him!"

"I do! That's the problem."

~~~~~

Max drags her to some restaurant, sits her at the table with Charles and threatens to ram her off the line if she tries to leave. He followed through with his last threat. She's not willing to risk Christian's wrath for her pride.

She attempts conversation with Charles. It feels awkward and tense. The regret and insecurity rattles around her mind. Why is he even here? He could be off doing other things with people he actually likes.

"Why do you dislike me? I've been wanting to ask you for years so I could apologize for whatever I did."

And.... what? She stares at him in disbelief. Unsure of how to explain that she didn't have an interest in anything but racing until she got to F1 and finally realized how ethereal he looks?

"Didn't know you thought that way!" Charles is glowing.

"Did I say that aloud?"

"Yeah, but it's nice hearing such a compliment you."

She hides her face behind her menu, only to have Charles take it away from her. He reaches further and gently pulls her gaze towards him-

She's going to combust. This is how it ends. Death by forced and prolonged eye contact.

"So, if I asked you out again, would you say yes this time?"

She nods her head yes. A little too enthusiastically.

[raythekiller]

Can I have a BEN drowned nsfw alphabet?

🗒 ❛ NSFW Alphabet ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Ben Drowned

#Notes: what yall so horny for (← also horny)

pronouns used: none, gn! reader

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

A - AFTERCARE

Gets super clingy. Doesn't want to let go of you, even if you just wanna get up to clean yourself. He just buries his face in the crook of your neck, holding you tight while asking you not to leave.

B - BODY PART

He's a chest guy, boobs or no boobs. Just loves laying his head on it or maybe playing with your nipples.

C - CUM

As mentioned above, since it's his favorite body part, it's also the one he loves coming on the most. Don't worry, he'll lick it clean after.

D - DIRTY SECRET

He gets off to hentai pretty regularly. He doesn't even know why and won't let ANYONE find out about it. He's pretty embarrassed, which is rich coming from him.

E - EXPERIENCE

Again, he died when he was like, twelve, so the most "experience" he ever got was from watching porn, which is... Not great.

F - FAVORITE POSITION

The classic cowgirl. Absolutely loves seeing you ride him, hands grabbing at your hips like his life depends on it. Might get a bit too desperate and thrust up if you're teasing him too much.

G - GOOFY

After he gets over the first-time embarrassement, he's back to being his silly and cocky self. Will probably crack a few jokes and you both just have to stop to giggle for a few seconds before continuing.

H - HAIR

Doesn't have much body hair generally, so he doesn't bother with grooming. It's still blonde, but a little darker than his hair.

I - INTIMACY

Honestly, though he doesn't admit it, it means a lot to him that you're willing to do something so intimate with him of all people, so while he seems to not take things so seriously most of the time, he genuinely appreciates it and is willing to do anything to satisfy you in return.

J - JACK OFF

Avid masturbator, to the point where it's a little concerning. Gets horny super easy, so he just takes it out on the socks.

K - KINKS

Here's my full post for his kinks.

L - LOCATION

Mostly his room, since it's more private and he doesn't have to risk anyone walking in, but honestly? If you're up for it, he'll do it just about anywhere. He can't say no to you.

M - MOTIVATION

In all honesty, anything gets him horny. A new outfit, a lingering touch, a seductive look or whisper and he's gone.

N - NO

He's pretty subby, so he wouldn't do anything to hurt you or that could possibly upset you, like humiliating you or being a bit rougher while domming. Even if you assure him that it's fine, he just isn't comfortable with it.

O - ORAL

Prefers receiving because he has no idea on how to give and is kind of insecure he isn't going to be able to satisfy you this way. Though, again, if you want him to, he just can't say no.

P - PACE

He's not slow, but definitely not fast either. He wants to savor every thrust, every bit of you squeezing around him. Unless you're the one controlling it, he's gonna go pretty easy on you.

Q - QUICKIE

Pretty big fan. Just a quick one in-between rounds of whatever game he's invested in at the moment. Loves it when you ride him as he's playing, too, trying to keep quiet so his teammates can't hear him whimpering.

R - RISKS

He's pretty reluctant to try anything new, honestly, and he considers you suggesting it a sign he's not satisfying you currently. He's a little insecure due to his lack of experience.

S - STAMINA

Can last for about 2 or 3 rounds. Anything more than that and he's crying from overstimulation, begging you to slow down.

T - TOYS

Doesn't own any, surprisingly (unless you count the body pillow he fucks every so often), but doesn't mind using them on you if you have any.

U - UNFAIR

He tries to be a teasing bastard, he really does, but his body betrays him. He has no self control when he's horny and will always budge before you do.

V - VOLUME

Oh, he's quite loud. More so whimpers and whines, but when he moans it's fairly high pitched as well as shaky and a bit breathy, he simply sounds desperate. W - WILD CARD

Jerks off thinking about you for months before actually trying to make a move, watching you undress before going to sleep through your computer screen while he strokes his cock. X - X-RAY

Not too big, about 7.5 inches. Pretty fair girth for the size as well. Y - YEARNING

Horny all of the time. Will beg to fuck you in the middle of any occasion, genuinely doesn't care if it's inappropriate for the moment, he's hard and he needs your help with it. Please? Z = ZZZ

Falls asleep minutes after coming, which is one of the reasons why he doesn't want to let you go once you're both done. He wants to wake up in your arms.

[vicsbasement]

From what we’ve seen so far it almost looks like Carlos has been trying to make it easier for Charles? Take the chili plushie clip, Carlos is clearly teary eyed but he still tries to make Charles laugh. He is the one who’s hurting but he puts his own hurt aside because he notices that Charles is sad too and he has to make him laugh, because if there’s something else I’ve noticed in the past years is that Carlos loves seeing Charles happy

Anon! Firstly, are you the same anon from the other day? Let me kiss your brain, because I love talking about these boys so so so much and for some reason people really enjoyed the conversation we had. Anyway!!!! Let's talk about this for a second. Carlos is definitely having a hard time. If we're going blindly on the timeline, we have to assume Carlos knows about his exit from Ferrari ever since before the Dakar finale, (this is just especulation, though, because we don't know for certain) and he sort of, kind of, blew off Ferrari and the Maranello trials to go celebrate with his dad. Pretty sure he wouldn't have done this if he didn't have enough leverage on Ferrari because the trials at Maranello are SUPER important, but first, his dad just won Dakar at his age, and then he's like: well, I mean, I'm getting kicked out of the team anyway and I won't be active during the development of the next car, so, whatever, let's just do this,-- and he went and did it. That's my idea. He needed to be with his father because they all knew. I'm pretty sure they even knew during the training camp at Madrid / Portugal because he's surrounded by friends and already doing the absolute most to get in an amazing shape because he needs to be his best version this year. But-- then when he meets up with Charles again, Charles even feels blindsided. Because like I said previously, Lewis is Lewis. And he comes with sponsors and 7 world titles and his experience and all of a sudden Charles isn't really Ferrari's most important figure inside the team. So they're both trying to soothe each other. Because for the first time ever, Charles doesn't feel like the golden boy, he probably even feels like Ferrari did him dirty (that's what I would've thought, anyway) because who pays two or three times your salary to your second driver? Not any team, that's for certain. Carlos was stability for Charles and it's like his world was thrown off its axis. They were equals, similar in status, genuinely a good team. Charles feels bad and Carlos sees it, because he's lost his teammate, they were supposed to beat Ferrari's record of the teammates that lasted longer and now, well.

And Carlos knows this, and sees Charles handling it just as bad as himself and goes: well. If I don't have to think about this, and make him laugh, then neither of us need to focus on this, right? And the first challenge rolls around and he's tired but Charles is doing his best so why not sing until Charles' annoyed so he doesn't have to see how bone-tired Carlos is? He's sort of protecting Charles' heart by protecting his own. And then there's the little chili and I can simply see Carlos' thought process: this is the last first race of the year with Ferrari, and someone gifted him a chili. And he's chili and he's smooth operator and he's supposed to be fine, but his throat closes up and his eyes fill with tears and he doesn't want Charles to see him like this but it's so much. So he tries to laugh it off. And when he sees that Charles is also thinking the same thing he says, well. At least we're in this together. So he makes Charles laugh by saying he was a chili, too. We don't know what he means, but Charles is so fond and so filled with nostalgia that he laughs, anyway, even though his throat is dry and his eyes are filled with tears. And he gets to keep the chili plushie after Carlos reminded him they're supposed to part ways.

Remember Monza 2022? When Carlos completely ignored the woman who was guiding him to the back of the track so he could follow protocol? And he broke protocol to ask Charles if he was okay? Yeah, that's Carlos, to me. And I no longer feel like he's the only one capable of doing that for Charles, I really have seen Charles fight british and italian press and tell them to respect Carlos' last year in Ferrari, and I see Charles perfectly capable to soothe Carlos as much as Carlos has tried to soothe him. Because he's mourning in front of all of us, basically. And Carlos did go to Jeddah not only to help Ollie, but for Charles' sake, too. Did you see the smile Charles had on his face when they asked him about Carlos and he said that he'd called Senior and he'd told him that it was all okay and that he might've been going to the track later that day? He's doing that in front of all of us, showing us how much Carlos means to him. This is the best and worst time for Charlos fans right now and we have to deal with these two behaving like that for the rest of the year. I don't know how we're going to cope. Again, thank you for sending me these, because I just love to type until I don't make any sense.

[vasyandii]

KrNk FIC: -5,880

Experimental Writing, Not edited, Just Dialogue, set somewhere else but it might as well be in the canon. Green is Krueger, Red is Nak.

Hallo.

...

[Sarcastically] You seem excited to hear from me.

Where are you coming from this time?

Somewhere, I suppose.

Of course. Very helpful.

You have a pretty colour on you. Blue is my favourite, you know.

Fuck you.

Oho! Can't take a compliment, eh? Just when I wanted to be nice to you...

Is that all you do? Come bother me once in a while and leave?

Relax, relaaaax. Can I not check on my teammate, Hmm?

It's not your job to. I genuinely don't know how you've lasted this long.

No?

Yes?

Maaaybe?

Are you stupid or something? I. Don't. Want. To. Talk.

Liar.

Excuse me?

You were waiting for me to come by.

You can't tell shit, I fucking hate you. I never wanna fucking hear from you again, I want you to drop dead and rot and-

Phayvanh. Please.

...Can't you tell I'm upset by this?

I do, definitely, I do. Just.

I'm upset too, you know.

You should be. It feels like I just lost my best friend.

[Scoff] It's not like I died or anything.

I wish you did. So I wouldn't have to deal with this.

I thought you'd be happy, Phay.

I thought so too! And I was! But then you started acting Like, Like-...

Like what? Your boyfriend?

Why should I be the one that feels guilty for telling you?

You didn't ruin anything.

Yes I did.

Please, don't argue with me.

Okay?

Mhm.

Thank you.

Look, if things were moving too fast, or if you want to just stick to being friends, tell me.

I know it wasn't your intention. But you can't just do that to ones you care about. Or try to find blame on others.

It hurt when you pushed me away in front of the team. It made me feel like you were embarrassed, that you were ashamed of me.

I hated that. Seeing that someone I have such feelings for wasn't even able to keep herself up and proud for me.

I wasn't doing it to mock or patronize you.

My opinion of you hasn't changed, you're still my best friend, even if I'm not yours at the moment. I don't think you ruined anything when you told me. I'm so happy you did. Because that meant I got to spend more time with you.

I wanted to show you that.

I'm sorry, for hurting you.

Thank you for your apology. I'm sorry too.

And..I still want to be with you. I don't really want you to die. And I don't really hate you. And I do wanna hear from you again.

[Chuckles] I'm relieved.

Only if you're okay with it. I'll try my best to..y'know. Not do that stuff again?

Yeah? I'm okay with that.

Are you sure?

Natürlich.

Even if I'm just an asshole sometimes? Most of the time?

Just look at you.

Any man would be a fool to not try again with you.

But you're not any man, am I right?

No, obviously not.

I like you. Alot.

I know, You told me.

[tumblingxelian]

I have to admit I'm impressed with how awful a father CRWBY made Taiyang while giving him a veneer of reasonability.

To the point that his ability to just spout off things reminds me of an Aunt and Uncle who have no idea just how badly they are painting themselves.

As in - when he makes a judgement call about how Yang lost her arm that fits it into his "Over dependence on his semblance" it's incredibly telling about him not ever actually asking anyone about what happened.

It means he never talked to Yang about it, or even you know offered because while Yang wouldn't have said everything she'd probably have said a little.

Or talked to any of the students who probably got information about what happened from Blake when she dragged Yang to safety. Which wouldn't have been much but probably included the fact that Blake was attacked by someone, Yang intervened.

Given that students presumably died when Beacon fell and that Yang was a first year student... Like by itself, Yang being alive enough for a teammate to save her is a victory.

Nevermind context of her going up against someone that fought Blake, who came back injured herself, and Adam probably did get ID as going around killing students. So the fact that Yang was vastly outclassed would have been known, you know if Taiyang asked at all about "What happenend". Or worse - he did and still blames Yang. Like what did he expect her to do - leave Blake to die? Yang got Blake enough room to run, Blake used the opportunity to get both of them out of there but Yang bought that opportunity for Blake.

Meanwhile I'm looking forward to the Belladonnas actually talking to Yang. Because I don't think it's an accident that we didn't see said interaction before we started being shown in detail the grease fire of the Xialong Rose family.

From my perspective Tai is a rather interesting execution on the archetypical father on these fronts. IE, he's not a classic bad father the way Jac is, or the classic emotionally distant husk archetype. Yet to me, he is still 100% a big problem and done a lot of harm to Ruby & Yang with lackluster parenting & 'teaching'.

As outlined here.

I think this is one of the reasons why a lot of people struggle to actually see him as flawed even when e gets basic facts wrong.

Another reason is just how much undue credit men are given by default that women have to earn. Hence lots of people shrugging off Qrow's drinking or Ozpin's manipulation, or Ironwood's authoritarianism until they couldn't anymore.

Though being more charitable, I would also note how CRWBY often play these characters against their more traditional archetypes to help offset the audiences presumptions.

For instance,

Ozpin is a mysterious headmaster of an adventurers school but he's the 'fun' headmaster who both helps the kids go on adventures but unlike certain other headmasters sends an adult escort with them.

Or Ironwood, he's a big military hard liner who wants more tech, bigger weapons and to throw his military around. But he asks about the kids, he jokes casually, he's not just some General Ripper.

& Qrow of course is the bitter veteran and mentor, who is super badass & drinks/smokes, but in contras, he's also seemingly functional, friendly and clearly has a good rapport with his nieces.

Its easy to see why people saw those aspects and were willing to ignore things like:

Ozpin sending teenagers into terrorist dens, Ironwood backstabbing his allies while making himself out to be the victim, and Qrow's blatant dependence on alcohol to function.

Cos CRWBY made them characters & not archetypes.

So when the shit hit the fan and subtext became text, subtly problematic behavior became blatantly problematic and festering problems once seen as comedic now had real weight.

I feel Tai fits the same mold, he's on the surface 'functional', he definitely cares, and even seems to do some 'fun dad' stuff. He just also as no idea how Yang's Semblance works, & was absent or otherwise none functional for so long its left deep scars on Yang having to keep the family together & Ruby outright says Yang raised her.

He's in many ways a more realistic and nuanced portrayal of a dysfunctional or toxic parent who may not obviously have issues the way an open abuser like Jac, or an absentia parent like Raven might but can still do harm.

Also excellent breakdown on how the surrounding context of the Fall of Beacon. Team RWBY are first years, Blake is an incredibly experienced combatant, Yang had been put through the ringer. Literally everything was on fire and even people like Ozpin died.

The fact the whole team made it out at all is nothing short of a miracle. But accepting that "Sometimes bad things happen" is a surrender of power, its an admission that there was nothing to be done and that is terrifying. Especially for a man whose had two of the most important people in his life vanish on him without a trace.

He wants there to be something in Yang to blame because then there is something that can be done about it. Add in his clear and overtly stated projection of Raven onto her, and hos incoherent his reads on her personality are given Yang's addressed stuff like stubbornness & strategy well before this.

& you get a parent making being dismembers in a no win situation against a more powerful opponent the victims fault while giving vague, generalist advice to feel like they're doing something.

Gosh I want them to just adore her, and her to adore the Belladonna's.

Thanks for the ask, and good luck on that essay you mentioned, remember to tag me ;)

[chocol4tte]

More dimension travel au!!

It could also evolve to sasusakunaru??? I still need to read the manga (the anime is still something I might think on watching or not...)

Anyway, not everything is still set in Stones for the au or some events.

When the OG timeline!Team 7 arrives to the new dimension, Kakashi is on the borderline of life and death due to chackra exhaustion and they don't have any ally close to them to treat their wounds or trully rest.

Sakura and Sasuke, still with a kind of rocky relationship after all, manage to find their village in pristine conditions and both of them are found by other Shinobi thinking that something bad happened in their mission! Why are they so hurt and with different clothes???

Meanwhile, both of them are wondering if they are under a genjutsu? Because, why the hell is the village completely reconstructed without the 5th hokage?? In their shock they are redirected to the general hospital and realize that things are... different?

Sasuke is on edge all the time, because why is nobody trying to kill him for becoming a missing nin? Yet they are treating him with kindness? Sakura is more calm, yet anxious, they don't really have time to just stay around when their other two teammates are hurt and one about to kick the bucket... again?

When they are in the hospital being treated for their broken bones and other wounds, two familiar women come rushing to the office, to say that Sasuke was close to bursting into tears when he saw his mother, with a few more wrinkles yet still so beautiful like he remembered, was an understatement.

The same could be said to Sakura, it has been a while since she saw her parents, but seeing how her ex? Teammate react... they needed to go away. Now.

They waited until they were left alone, just for a moment, before Sakura, dragging Sasuke behind her and taking some medical supplies as well thinking that they were definitely under a genjutsu or something and their sensei and teammate being in danger.

In the meantime, notice goes around that Sakura and Sasuke came back to Konoha with injuries, yet their teacher was not with them. When Nohara Rin, head doctor of the main hospital, hears that, she rushes to see them and ask where Obito and Sai were, if they needed help or worse... yet they are not there. They try to look for them and it's just only the beginning of a manhunt. (Also, most likely the Alt!Sakura has longer hair and OG! Still has her short hair)

Before that, Team 7 finally arrive at their village, Obito, Sasuke, Sakura and Sai, (or the OSSS for the funsies), are ready to just, hand the report of their successful mission and rest in their beds. They didn't expect that the village came rushing right at them and began interrogating why and how the heck does Sakura and Sasuke heal from their injuries so quick?!

It trully becomes a manhunt and investigation of the "fake Sakura and fake Sasuke" and for them to be possible spies? Minato wouldn't allow it at all, he wouldn't allow that his dear wife and students village go through another war.

In the meantime, while Sakura and Sasuke are unaware thay they are being chased by most of the shinobi for almsot 2 days, Naruto waits for his teammates while taking care of his sensei, with the little medical knowledge that Sakura beat into his brain in a few minutes, plus some basic care to keep Kakashi alive.

He wished to go to Konoha with either of his teammates, but his wounds were a little more severe and was more weakened by attacking Kaguya. He takes the opportunity to speak with Kurama, or attempt to, since the lazy fox was now resting.

While waiting for Sakura and Sasuke, Naruto is attacked by a group of missing nin that were hired to spy Konoha, it's not that they were remarkably strong... yet he was so weakened and still kind of injured that... when he tries to confront them, he almost has his sensei killed by mere stupidity.

Anyway, while Naruto decides to hide himself and Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke are running towards them, now actively knowing that they are being chased by their own village.

I'm getting excited as well for the dynamics of the alternative dimension and Obito with his team!!

I'm putting my foot in my own mouth and mostlikely need to speedrun in reading naruto lmao also, this Au, for a possible fic, may be called: Tell me About Grief!

[nekoannie-chan]

Next door

Pairing: Brock Rumlow X Reader. Steve Rogers X Reader (past).

Word count: 770 words.

Summary: Your partner died in car crash a few years ago. You never thought you’d fall for anyone ever again. Until a new neighbor moved in next door.

Warnings: Steve is dead.

A/N: This is my entry to @caplanbuckybarnes’ Summary Challenge #5.

You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too.

@saiyanprincessswanieie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

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If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

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The kettle rattled, you sighed, poured the hot tea into the cup, and you sat down. You didn't even know why you kept waiting for Steve to come through that door after he had gone for a run, but he wouldn't.

Sometimes you had nightmares about that car accident you had years ago after your last mission together.

He promised you he would always protect you, and he did. He made sure you survived.

After what happened, you couldn't bear to stay in the same division, not without your husband and teammate.

However, you kept hoping that he would walk in the door as he used to every morning, that you would have breakfast together, and then go to work waiting for the next assignment, but it never happened.

There was no way you could forget him.

However, that morning, something different happened. You started to hear noises in the apartment next door, which had been empty for almost a year. You felt hope; maybe Steve had survived and had amnesia, and now he was going to live in the apartment next door and you would help him.

You put the cup down, walked out quickly, and frowned as you saw the kind of furniture they were putting in; it was definitely not Steve's style.

"Hello," a male voice said behind you, causing you to startle.

You turned to see who it was; he didn't even seem to have the decency to introduce himself. Maybe you knew the person. "Do I know you? "

"We work in the same place," he answered as if it were obvious and the most normal thing in the world.

You raised your eyebrow; you didn't remember. No one from work lived in your building, although sometimes Natasha and Clint visited you.

"Rumlow, Strike Team Commander," he replied, extending his hand.

"Oh, right, what are you doing here?" you asked. Steve sometimes got to go on missions with them, although you’ve never worked with that team and much less now that you were in another division.

"I'm going to be your neighbor," he declared.

You gave a forced smile; you weren't very happy, especially since your hope had just disappeared.

Maybe you had to accept what everyone was telling you—Steve wasn't coming back.

"Hey, I was wondering if you had any salt you could give me," Brock asked you when you opened the door.

"Sure, give me a minute."

You closed the door; maybe you were a little paranoid, but it seemed that your new neighbor was looking for any pretext, even the silliest one, to come to your apartment and see you.

Maybe you were hallucinating, and the only thing that was happening was that he was just getting settled and didn't even know where the supermarket was.

You saw that the light intensity was varying on the bulb, Steve was supposed to have fixed that a few years before, you went to see where the fuse box was, but at that point, you were out of electricity, although you didn't know how to fix the flaw anyway.

You left the apartment, walked to the next door, and stood for a few seconds in front of it. You had just realized that Steve always fixed all the malfunctions, but you never thought about what would happen if he were gone.

"Y/N? Is everything all right? "

"Ah, yeah, I… I… I have a problem with the electricity."

You didn't even have to explain further; he immediately went to work fixing the problem. You offered him a beer after the power was restored.

"Thank you, my hus... Steve always took care of fixing all the glitches," you said, and you thanked him.

"I’m sorry what happened to him."

An awkward silence fell; it seemed like he was the first person you let be a little closer since Steve happened, since even with Natasha and Clint you didn't talk that much, and most of the time it was just being silent or pretending to help you with some S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff.

"Do you have anything to do on Saturday?" Brock asked suddenly, and you shook your head and said, "Then we'll go to the movies on Saturday."

You looked at yourself for the last time in the mirror, in less than ten minutes he would knock on the door of your apartment.

Your last date was many years ago, so you felt nervous, especially because you didn't think you could fall in love again after losing your husband. But you were still young, so it was time to move on with your life.

[billthedrake]

GOALS (PART TWO)

Story idea by and collaboration with top son Turner (bimgm36@gmail.com).

[AUSTIN]

It was a shitty week.

It all started bright and early Monday morning. I had to get back to the suburbs for work, and Scott had to get into the office. I don't know exactly what I expected but Scott was definitely quiet and moody as we quickly got ready. There was no kiss goodbye, no hug even. Just a "see you at the gym" comment from him.

Only I didn't see him at the gym, not Tuesday. He'd sent me a text saying work stuff had come up and he'd have to reschedule. In itself, that wasn't a big deal. Scott Delahunt had prioritized the gym over the last year and a half, but he also had a demanding, important job. This wasn't the first time he couldn't make it.

But instead of his normal apologetic tone at our next meeting, the man was reserved.

"Everything OK?" I asked as I put on some more weights on the bench. At least Scott was channeling whatever moodiness he had into the lifts... he was on fire that day, actually. I wasn't sure what kind of conversation I was expecting in the gym. But his standoffishness was driving me crazy.

"Yeah," he said, looking at me with slightly wounded eyes. I could tell he wasn't mad at me, but he was really upset about the sex. "Just been busy at work is all."

I'd have to leave it at that. "Well, you're looking really strong in here today."

"Thanks," he muttered. Then got back on the bench for another set. All business.

The kicker for the week was that my dad came to visit Friday. Not me specifically, but he and my stepmom Janet were in Nashville for a weekend on the town. So I went to meet them for dinner. Lots of small talk, lots of Dad's wisecracks about Nashville being "sin city," and the usual blustery questions about when I was gonna get a serious girlfriend.

I answered as well as I could, but Dad wouldn't let up. "For Chrissake Austin, you're 24."

My stepmom actually came to the rescue. "For goodness sake, Frank, leave the poor boy alone."

I'd held off on any other Friday plans, but Dad and Janet clearly wanted to hit the country bars on their own. As we left the restaurant, Dad stretched out his hand for a handshake. "Good to see you, son." I knew I wouldn't see him again until Christmas.

The whole ride home I was mad at him. Then I was mad at myself for letting him get to me. What did I expect? There's that saying about insanity and expecting different results.

I was mopey when I got home. I cracked open a beer, which I rarely do at home. I wondered why I didn't have the guts to tell Dad that I'm gay. I'd spent my college years very much in the closet and enjoying secret sex with my professor. I loved playing that role for him, the "straight" jock who'd nail his ass at least twice a week.

Now that I'd moved back to Brentwood, I decided I wouldn't necessarily hide the gay thing but I wouldn't advertise it either. I'm not sure what made me be forthcoming with Scott Delahunt. Maybe I felt I could trust him. Maybe unconsciously I wanted something to happen. I was glad it did, only there was a good chance I'd lost him as a client and more importantly as a friend. Fuck... business and pleasure definitely shouldn't mix.

I picked up my phone. It wasn't too late, and I knew I had to call. Jason was my best friend at UT, a teammate who I felt like I could share anything with. Except one thing...

"Austin!" came his response as he answered, seeing my name on the caller ID. "What's up, man?" We called each other all the time, but not usually at this hour.

"Hi man... listen... I know it's out of the blue to ring you up, but I had something I gotta tell ya."

"Everything OK, Aust'?"

"Yeah, I'm OK. I just... well, I wanted to let you know that I'm gay, Jason," I blurted out.

There was silence on the other end. Then: "For real?"

My heart pounded. Here was my best bud in the whole world and he still was even after college and me moving to Nashville and him to Atlanta. And I had no idea how he'd take it. He was a typical jock, I guess, and very much a pussy hunter. "For real. Sorry I didn't have the guts to tell you before."

"You know you're my brother, man," he said. "Right?"

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, bro. Thanks."

I could sense an awkward pause on the other end. "Listen, bro... I hate to cut the conversation short, but I'm actually on a date right now."

"Oh fuck!" I blurted. "Sorry, man." I'd been so absorbed in my own drama.

He chuckled. "It's all good," he said. "But we'll catch up this weekend, OK?"

"All right. Sorry again, Jase. Catch ya later.

That conversation was what I needed. I don't know… it cleared the air some. The next morning I decided I needed some relief for my morning wood. As I made my coffee, I fired up one of the apps to see what was on there.

I got a message. "Hi man. You really discreet?"

I typed back. "I always am."

I waited a sec then got another message. "Well, you're really hot."

"Thanks," I replied.

"I bet you get a lot of guys telling you that."

"My fair share," I admitted.

"OK if I share my pics?" His profile was pretty minimal, which itself wasn't a bad thing. Married or unavailable men didn't usually put much on their profiles, so you never knew if you were getting a troll or a stud.

"Yeah, sure," I said. I made it clear it was noncommittal.

He showed me his pictures. He wasn't Scott Delahunt hot, but I decided not to be picky. I was horny and in the mood to get off. The man seemed like a regular suburban guy in his late 40s.

"Looks good," I wrote.

"I don't bottom, but I'd love to suck your dick this morning," he wrote.

It was to the point. I often like to chat a good bit with guys, since it helps me suss out if they're on the level and figure out if there's sexual compatibility. Also for me sex is in large part a mental thing, and I love the build up before the act.

That said, I know it's not the etiquette to be too chatty on the apps, and this dude seemed to have a very limited time. He gave off that lying to a wife about making a Home Depot run kind of vibe. I told him to come over.

When he showed up I was a little thrown off guard that he didn't look exactly like his pictures. He had a goatee and was much grayer than his photo. That itself was actually a turn on, but he was also overweight... not fat, but girthy in his jeans and T-shirt.

"Dang, dude, you're hot," he said as he stepped in. At least his voice was deep and masculine. Then seeing my reaction, he prompted. "Is this gonna work man?"

I could tell he was excited for this, and I relented. "As long as you know how to suck dick," I blustered as I pulled down my shorts and gripped my dick to prime the pump. I hadn't fully lost my erection and was still feeling worked up.

I watched his big body scramble down and get down to service me. This wasn't Married Guy's first cock. He explored me with his tongue for just enough to work me up, then he took me into his mouth. It was a skilled, no-nonsense blow job. Two minutes tops. If that. I looked down and watched that silver-haired head bob up and down. I conjured up a fantasy about my high school math teacher. Then it happened. I came. It felt great.

Married Guy suckled me and gave a final soft kiss to the head as he pulled off. "Guess you needed that, huh, buddy?" he chuckled. I could tell he was proud he'd gotten me off so quickly.

"Pretty much," I said as I reached down to pull up my shorts.

He stood up and rearranged the boner in his jeans. "Well hit me up again if you need that bad boy taken care of," he said. He was clearly thrilled at playing with a man on the side. "Can't always get away from the Mrs. but it was worth it today."

"Will do," I said. My demeanor was friendly enough but maybe giving that frosty time-to-go signal. I was a little relieved when he left.

I had gotten my rocks off and that was nice, but I felt the psychological part hadn't been that rewarding.

But it was like the heavens were going to reward me for the so-so sex and for my unrequited feelings for Scott. My buddy Rick asked me if I wanted to catch the season opener for the Predators at a downtown sports bar. I'm not a big hockey fan, but the Predators had come off a great season and there was a buzz in the city around the team. Scott had actually canceled his Friday morning session at the gym, so I'd have an extra hour before I had to be at work that next morning.

Rick was a fellow trainer and a couple of his college friends came with us. I was the odd man out not really following the game but it was fun just inhabiting the hightop of that crowded bar and cheering each goal against the Rangers.

But eventually my eye was drawn to a table of businessmen at the table next to us. Three suit and tie guys, though their jackets were on their chairs and their ties long gone from the day at work or some convention. Given their reaction to the game, they were New Yorkers, or at least Rangers fans.

My attention was drawn to the oldest of the bunch. A sturdy built guy in a regular business man kind of way. Tan lingering from his late summer vacation, brown eyes and thinning silver hair cut almost military short, he had a kind of Jersey/Long Island daddy look that appealed to me. Best of all, his pecs filled out a pale blue dress shirt and his ass looked great in his gray trousers.

Maybe I was looking over too much because Silver Daddy caught me and gave a knowing smile. Not a flirty smile, but a “yeah, I know you're checking me out” smile. I figure straight dudes in New York are used to getting attention from gay guys all the time.

I got another pint just as the third period started. Seemed like Silver Daddy was working on another beer, too. I got the feeling they'd started early, because their booming voices just kept getting louder.

I played it cool, not so much hiding my interest from the man but rather not trying to be obvious around my buddies. But Silver Daddy started slyly looking back to me. The first time he did gave me a boner under the table, and I was half hard for the rest of the game. Playing cat and mouse with our surreptitious eye contact.

My friends were in a great mood when the game was over, since the Predators won. They tried to convince me to hit one of the more partying country bars on Broadway but I told them I had an early morning and said I'd just hang out at the sports bar and finish my beer.

I don't know if I expected anything to happen. But when I watched Silver Daddy go to the bar to order another round, I took my chance and stepped up next to him, to order my own drink.

He flashed me a drunken smile. "Your friends left you," he said. Not quite a slur but he was definitely drunk.

"Yeah," I said. "Fraid so." I replied in a way that suggested I wasn't at all upset by that turn of events.

"Let me get ya a drink," he said. His accent was New York all right.

I nodded. "Sure." I told him what I was having.

Just then one of guys came up and clapped Silver Daddy's shoulder. "Listen, Bob, we're actually gonna call it a night. See you tomorrow."

The man didn't miss a beat. "Yeah, sure, Greg. I might play hooky and skip the first session," Silver Daddy bellowed.

"I hear ya. I might be in the same boat tomorrow. Why the fuck did I let Connors convince me to do shots? I'm not fucking 22," he growled.

"Remember... water and aspirin before bed." Silver Daddy said. I couldn't tell if it was a joke or real advice.

The man shook his head. "All right... go easy, man." He clapped Bob's shoulder and then walked off.

"Guess it's just you and me," he smirked.

"Guess so," I said. God, I hadn't really had a situation like this before, but it was fun.

He leaned in, a naughty look on his face. "My hotel is nearby. Feel like skipping the beers?"

"Yeah," I said. I was starting to get hard again, but hopefully my boner wouldn't show too much. Up close this man was more solid than he looked from the distance even.

He winked and patted my shoulder. "Let me pay the tab and I'll get my jacket."

He had a swagger as we left the bar and walked down the street. I kept looking over at him. About 6'1" with very upright posture, almost chest puffing out. He had a prominent nose and forehead, which stuck out more from the receding and thinning hair. If he wasn't so clearly a businessman, I might have placed him as a coach type. I placed him in his mid 50s, but he'd taken good care of himself.

"I'm Austin, by the way," I said, realizing we hadn't even introduced ourselves.

"Bob," he replied in turn.

"You in town for business?" I asked. He could have been local, but from his talk at the bar I gathered not.

He looked over at me. "You got it," he blustered. The man had one volume for speaking it seemed. "E-Commerce Convention." He flashed a grin at me. "This was the last thing I expected to happen tonight, I'll tell you."

I smiled back. "Me either," I admitted.

He chuckled. "You do this often?"

"Not enough."

"I hear ya," he said. I could tell he had his hands in his trouser pockets to keep his own boner from being obvious. That thrilled me. "But I figure what happens in Nashville stays in Nashville, right?" The guy liked to talk. "Got a girlfriend or anything?"

I was a little nervous having this conversation so openly on the street, but no one was around to listen or care. I shook my head. "I stick with guys," I replied.

That seemed to surprise him. "Yeah, man? You should come up to New York... give those muscle gays some competition."

This was a man of surprises, but I was happy to go along for the ride. "Is that what you're into?" I asked.

This was the first and only time I saw a flicker of embarrassment on his handsome, middle-aged face. "When I'm in the mood to play that way... yeah, that flicks my switch."

"Just to be clear," I put it out there. "I don't bottom."

He chuckled some as if he found my top assertiveness cute. "All right, stud... I'm sure we can have some fun."

I felt a little bad that this was the hotel Scott and I had stayed in. Different floor, different room, but same look and furnishings... even the view out the window was the same. But Bob was night and day different from Scott. I didn't know his story but he clearly had experience with men.

"Fuck, you're hot," he growled as the room door clicked. Our bodies met, then we kissed. I loved his energy and his meaty bulk and that suit. It was impetuous and horny, the way we fueled each other's sexual excitement. We ground our crotches into one another and made out in a drunken sloppy kiss.

And already this Silver Daddy was reaching down to fumble with my jeans, undoing them and reaching in to grip my boner. "Nice one," he growled then stepped back to undo his own belt. Maybe I normally like being top dog, but I had to admit Bob had a nice tool. Long as mine and thicker. It fell out, heavy and then jerked up to a standing position.

"You suck a guy?" he asked.

"Yeah, sometimes," I replied. I wanted to get a taste. I crouched down and felt that soft wool fabric of his suit then leaned forward. His prick tasted salty and the tip was dewey with precum. I gave him a quick couple of licks then started taking him into my mouth

"Fuck yeah, man." God, I hoped the room had some soundproofing.

I wasn't a natural or skilled cocksucker, but I settled in to do right by him. Bobbing up and down on his thick tool. Not going deep, because that girth was a lot for me. But I settled into a good rhythm on about 3 and a half inches of his stalk. The brash guy was surprisingly quiet as I fellated him, standing with his legs apart and running his fingers through my hair.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but he didn't seem in a rush to get off. After a couple of minutes I pulled back and got one more look of his meaty erection before looking up.

"My turn." It half question, half statement.

I stood up and kicked off my sneakers. Bob stepped back and removed his suit jacket, hardon still spit wet and sticking out of his fly. He gave me another wink, then turned to take off the rest of his clothes.

I followed suit and admired the view as I watched this middle-aged stud get onto the bed. He had some padding but some strong muscle, a classic ex-jock build. Blocky pecs, big arms, and a general thickness. He wasn't all that hairy, but his dusting of chest and stomach hair was also graying and I found that hot. There was just some dirty blond in his wiry pubes around that tubesteak.

I climbed on top of him, meeting him in another kiss and feeling our body contact. Bob got into it, which got me into it. I don't know if he was Scott Delahunt perfect, but in his own way this business guy was hotter. He humped up into me as we made out and his hands were on me.

"Jesus," he grunted, the loud voice returning. "You're a muscle dude all right," he growled.

I grinned down on him. I about told him I was a personal trainer, but figured that wasn't important.

"Figures you'd be a top," he said. Then, "Well, I have a couple condoms in my bag if you wanna get in me."

"Fuck yes," I said, which made Bob laugh. Even with a rubber, I knew I'd enjoy this.

"Just let me sit on it first," he said. "It's been a while."

I agreed and got off him so he could go fetch the rubbers and lube. He hadn't blown me yet, but that was OK. I was rock hard as I lay back against the headboard, while Bob applied some lube to my stalk, then rolled down a condom. He then lubed that.

His dick was rock hard and he had a lusty look on his face as he straddled me. I watched his chest muscle flex some as he reached down and back to guide my dick into place. His eyes seemed to drink up the sight of my body beneath him. "God, you remind me of a couple of fellas on my son's hockey team."

Good fuck, he was gonna push my buttons big time. I ran my hands along his meaty thighs. "You ever do anything with them?" I asked, my voice cracking in lust.

He smiled. "One of them, yeah...."

And like that he pushed back. I felt the snugness and then I entered his hot, right rectum. The man let out a hiss and paused, then descended down some. "You're big," he smiled, then with a determined look pushed all the way down. "OH FUCK!" he growled. I was getting into his vocal nature. But equally I was enjoying feeling up his more mature muscle. He was the kind of man who'd be hot to fuck well into his 60s, and that idea excited me perversely.

It took some restraint not to thrust into him right away, but my prick was rigid and throbbing inside him, having the mental side of the fuck make up for the lack of physical stimulation to my dick.

But it didn't take him long to relax. And with a steady motion, he rose up and fell down into my lap. Fucking himself on me. I loved watching him. His whole body getting into it as he stroked his cock and rode me. This man loved sex, and had no hangups about bottoming for me.

It was like he was reading my mind. "You know how to bring out my naughty side, stud," he said.

I now gave small thrusts up into him, to meet his bouncing. "Like with that hockey player?" I ventured.

He grinned. "Austin... talk about naughty... Mark is my best friend's son."

"Fuck!" I groaned.

"That shit turn you on?" he laughed.

I nodded. "Yeah it does."

He rode me a little faster, though his stroke on his cock kept the same pace. "Mark's fucked me a couple dozen times," he admitted. Maybe he was making it up as sex talk to work me up, but I think he was telling the truth.

I couldn't help it. I gripped his hips and took charge of the fuck, pushing up into his guts with steady hard strokes.

"That's it, stud," Bob growled. "Go for it." He reached down and felt up my chest and arms. I didn't know if I was a replacement for some college-aged hockey player, but it was OK if I was. Then he asked, "Wanna switch positions?"

He didn't wait for an answer but simply rose off me and plopped down next to me. Already he was lifting his legs up, giving me room to scoot between them. He was a hunk and a half, not magazine perfect but hotter for it. I placed his calves on my shoulders and pressed forth.

"I want you to cum," I urged as I began fucking him. My voice urgent even if I knew I wasn't going to cum with the rubber. My hips worked him in strong, physical shoves.

"Yeah," he hissed. Even if the alcohol and maybe his age had kept his trigger at bay, he was getting into it now. His eyes wildly on me and his fist working that thick tool faster. "Harder, stud!" he yelled.

I went for it. Hard and fast. His face went red and he nodded excited.

"Yeah... yeah... oh shit!"

His cum flew out with a crazy suddenness. He wasn't a big cummer but two heavy ropes flew out onto that meaty chest before his sperm oozed out in dribbles.

I pulled out and stripped off the condom. It wouldn't take me long to cum now, at all.

But Bob had different ideas. "Bring it up here," he urged.

I hadn't ever shot on a guy's face, but the idea seemed hot as hell. I scooted up and fisted my tool an inch away from his handsome business daddy mug. But he batted my hand away and leaned forward.

I was gonna get my blowjob after all. Bob didn't seem bothered by the lube and the latex taste as he sucked me in and bobbed.

About five bobs and I blasted hard. The man moaned excitedly as I filled his craw with my fresh sperm. I pulled out so I could see some spray on his chin. I felt I deserved that.

I was still dribbling in aftershocks even as I sat on the bed next to him.

He had come down from his orgasm and looked up at me with a smile. "Good for you, I take it?"

I nodded. "More than good," I replied. "I needed a lay like that."

"You caught me in the right mood," he said.

"Drunk?" I teased.

He laughed. "That helps," he said. "Listen, no pressure... but I'm in town for another day, if you wanna hook up again."

"It would be hard to say no," I said.

"Is that a no?" he asked, unsure what I meant.

"That's a yes," I clarified.

He ran his hand up my leg and then nudged his fingers against my genitals, which twitched at the touch. "I just want to take advantage of my free time away, you know?" He looked up from my cock to my face. "You can sleep here if you want."

"I'd have to get up early," I warned him. Even with Scott's cancelled session, I had to be at the gym by 7:30.

"I'll set the alarm... you can get up when you like," he said. He patted my leg once more and got up to go to the bathroom. He pissed and washed off some, I gathered, but when the door opened and he strutted back, naked, his body showing off the tan line from that beach vacation. he had a glass of water and two aspirin, which he popped in his mouth.

I got up to piss myself and as he watched me pass him, he added, "yeah, you'd give those New York guys a run for the money, all right."

[SCOTT]

"Where's your head, Delahunt?" Rich Kennedy asked after my drive on the 14th hole went wide. Way wide. "That's the third lousy shot today."

"Motherfuck!" I hissed. I was normally a good golfer, and I didn't take a bad day well.

"Oh Scotty's been in a pissy mood for weeks," Dave Feldman chimed in. I was the last of our foursome to tee off, and I think the fellas knew I was gonna slow down our group.

The fourth guy, Ed wisecracked as he looked at his phone. "He's probably checked his retirement account. Another shit day on the market fellas."

That seemed to ease the tension some and as we went on down the fairway, the conversation turned to investments and whether it was time to change the allocation for our nest eggs. It was the kind of conversation we had a lot.

I had to admit Dave was right. I had been in a bad mood. Ever since that night with Austin. I tried to get him out of my head but that attempt was making me miserable. The one exception was with Kelly. Maybe I was overcompensating but my guilt at cheating on her put me into charm mode with my wife. We'd even had sex a few times lately, which was a nice change and a welcome reminder that my heterosexuality wasn't gone.

Thing was, my bisexuality wasn't either. Sex with Austin had been amazing. I'd still throw hard during the middle of the day, almost every day, thinking back on it. I don't know, something about the combination of hardness and softness, of Austin's innocent charm and his jock masculinity, really turned me on. It was a revelation to me.

I knew I was playing with fire, even sticking with Austin as my trainer. But I kept my distance. I felt my improved physique was the best change of my life lately. I didn't want to stop that.

Our Friday training sessions were going as normal. Me focusing on a solid lower body workout and giving it 110 percent. We made some small talk, but kept it light. But for three weeks I'd avoided any talk of the Titans. Today I brought up the football talk. Austin seemed to relax and get into his fantasy team for the week and his plan to watch the game with some of his trainer buddies. I wondered if any of those guys knew Austin was into guys, but I figured younger people aren't as judgmental as people of my generation.

Whereas my Tuesday or Wednesday sessions were late afternoon, I tended to meet Austin first thing in the morning, so I could get a round of golf in for the afternoon if the weather allowed.

I'd showered and dressed in my suit for work when I saw Austin waiting outside the locker room. He had an envelope in his hand and a nervous look on his face.

"I didn't overpay you, did I?" I asked. "I'm hoping to make up that session I missed..."

He shook his head. "No... open it later," he said. "OK?"

"Yeah sure," I said. He gave me a sad nod and went back to a client who was stretching between sets.

I had a pit of my stomach feel for what was in the envelope. Or at least a ball park idea. As I got into my BMW, I tossed my gym bag on the front seat and nervously opened the letter. The writing was in pen in what I'd describe as a neat scrawl.

"Dear Scott,

Forgive my handwriting. And forgive my writing what I don't have the guts to tell you face to face.

I want to apologize to you. I crossed a line with you, and I got you to do something you didn't feel comfortable with. I almost expected you to find another trainer, and I wouldn't blame you if you did.

But I miss our friendship. Maybe that's not respecting a professional line, too, but I consider you a friend first and foremost. We can forget what happened if it would help.

There's some other sappy stuff I wrote but I tore those letters up. This is enough.

your trainer,

Austin"

My heart sank. I thought I'd be strong enough to resist this special young man. But I was pulling out my phone for a quick text. "Read your letter. You have any time to meet this afternoon? In private."

He was the kind of trainer to be focused on his clients, so it wasn't until I got to the office that I saw the text that awaited me. "I have a window between noon and 4." I typed back to see if 12:30 would work. I had a 2PM tee time. He responded back with his address and a question mark. I said yes.

The morning would have felt like torture had my calendar not been full. I'd have to catch up on work tomorrow morning, but it was one of those beautiful October days that was perfect golfing weather, and I wanted to take advantage of it.

I had to text Austin I was running late, but traffic was OK. He was there, still in his work attired of zip up and trim-cut sweats. God, he looked like a million bucks. Cute yet masculine, his dimples forming as he gave a nervous smile.

"Hey," he said as he ushered me in.

I looked around. It felt like a bachelor's apartment. Clean and basic, not a lot of decoration. "Nice place," I said.

"Thanks," he said. "Have a seat," he gestured to the couch.

I sat down, facing him. The ball was in my court. "I know I've been standoffish lately," he started. "Austin... I can't hurt my family."

The younger man grimaced. "I know... I don't want you to, Scott. Seriously."

I felt a little relieved. This was unchartered territory for me. "I wasn't going to tell you... but I enjoyed what we did... a lot."

His eyes perked up. "For real?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "Maybe a little too much."

"Did that freak you out?" he asked. Concerned.

I shook my head. "Not in itself. More about the stepping out on Kelly part. And what it meant for my marriage."

"Oh," he said.

"Even if things haven't been great with Kelly lately, I'm not going to leave her," I said.

I could read in Austin's quietness he was nervous of saying the wrong thing. But he finally spoke up. “If you wanna fool around, Scott, I’m really discreet, I promise.”

I blushed. “Come on, Austin,” I pleaded. I very much liked the idea of what he was suggesting, and maybe that’s why I was pissed at him for suggesting it.

“Sorry,” he said. “I just had to try.”

“Sorry, Austin,” I said softly. I felt so many mixed emotions then. And yeah, I wanted him again. Wanted to feel more what sex was like with this stud. Instead, I stood up. “I better go,” I said.

He nodded. He stood up and walked me to the door. “Let me know if you’d like help finding another trainer,” he said with resignation.

I knew he was giving me an out. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to take it. “I don’t want another trainer, Austin,” I said, frustration in my voice. “You’re good at what you do. I just need some boundaries.”

“I get it, Scott,” he said. “See you at the gym.”

I was actually hyperventilating when I get to my car. I didn’t start it right away though. Instead, I thought about what would happen if I’d let the conversation go the other way. “Fuck!” I grunted aloud to myself, then opened the car door.

Austin was surprised as hell when he answered the door and saw me there. I gathered my courage while I had it and stepped inside, shutting the door and then turning to him. ‘

“God,” he hissed, so turned on now that he realized what was going on. We met in a kiss, more heated than the one in the hotel room. It was like the several weeks had led to the pent-up lust that came pouring out. My first time with Austin had felt strange and unfamiliar, and in a way I was glad to have that behind me.

I got down in front of him, crouching right there. He was hard for me already, fully hard, and I could see that thick tool riding up into a tent of his sweats. He helped me pull off his sweats and with a goofy grin he hooked his thumbs in his waistband to pull it over his dong.

"I didn't get a look the last time," I said then looked up into his eyes. "I didn't think I'd get into a guy's dick like this."

"But you do...?" Austin clarified.

"Maybe because of the fine man it's attached to... but yeah." I looked at his cock again, thrilled to see it firm and pointing straight up. He wasn't giant but he was hung, and there was just something so beautiful about his erection. I looked back up into his face, where I saw happiness, excitement and thrill.

My hand touched his hard quad muscle and that’s all the signal he needed. He lined up his prick to my lips. "I’ve been thinking about this a lot, Mr. D," he whispered hoarsely.

I had been thinking a lot about this too. “Will sex get in the way of the friendship thing?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Fuck no, Scott." Then. “Come on, pretty please, man. Suck me.”

I breathed in his scent, then leaned in. "Ohhh," he grunted as I began sucking him.

I didn't know what I was doing last time. I still didn't. But I knew I was better at this, and I could read in Austin's voice and body that he was crazy turned on. I was learning my suit was part of the thrill for him and the whole "exec" type I represented to him.

I pulled off and enjoyed the sight of his engorged cock, twitching and wet with my spit. Not far from shooting.

"When you feel ready, just come in my mouth, OK?" I asked.

He nodded like he couldn't believe what was happening. That made me want to give it my all. I took about four inches into my mouth, making it five as I bobbed up and down furiously. My gag reflex didn't kick in, which I was grateful for. I'd missed this, missed the feel and act of a cock in my mouth. Missed making another man cum.

Austin's load was big. It took me by surprise and I coughed a little before I remembered what he did last time. I pulled back so the prick head spurted on my tongue. I don't know if that felt best for Austin, but I decided I loved that part. I tasted and swallowed him, in a couple of rounds, till the poor guy was spent.

"Let me do you," he urged.

I was horny but self conscious. I unzipped my suit as Austin got between my legs, running his hands along the fabric. "I'm not hung you like I'm afraid."

"I love your cock," he said. Then looking up in my eyes, he added. "For real, Scott. Everything about you turns me on." He leaned in for a kiss and I met him. A part of me wanted to avoid the kissing thing but I decided oral sex was a bigger issue. Besides, I wanted this. I kissed Austin back.

His soft kiss, full of gentle tongue, got me rock hard and leaking. He smirked as he pulled back and saw my dick poking up hard out of the open fly. "You're hard as steel," he said. "I love it."

I watched as he got down and started going down on me. I guess I didn't have a lot of length, and Austin managed to work the whole length with lots of spit and lots of suction. Kelly very occasionally gave me head, but it was nothing like this.

"Buddy!" I gasped. Warning him.

He moaned around my cock. This was the first time I'd blasted in another man's mouth since college. But this was night and day different. This was Austin.

He was more talkative after we uncoupled. "Damn, that was incredible," Austin laughed. I realized I missed his laugh and his smile. I missed laidback, happy Austin.

He made himself presentable again and offered me something to drink. I took some water.

"Trust me, Scott," he assured me. "I'm not going to do anything to mess up anything for you at home. But I'm so fucking grateful for that."

"I'm glad," I said. "I've been thinking about the sex for the last three weeks."

"I wasn't sure..." he said. He looked at his watch. "Listen, you're gonna be late for the club. And I probably need a nap before my evening sessions."

I stood up. I found getting off had eased my mood, and I was still processing how good Austin's blowjob had felt. "I'm being greedy," I said. "But maybe I can get away sometime this weekend. That is, if you wanna?"

"Hell yeah, I wanna," he said softly. And with a new confidence he stepped up to me to kiss me. He ran his hands up along the lapels of my coat. “And maybe you can wear your suit for me again sometime.”