#it was kind of funny though her acting all big for no reason

[husband]

I know absolutely nothing about how to play dbd but I'm having a lot of fun killing 3/4 of the survivors and then following the last one around while they repair generators

[thef1diary]

All Eyes On Her | D. Ricciardo

Summary: Keeping the secret that you're dating Daniel becomes a lot harder when the other drivers have their eye on you when you wear a dress considering they haven't seen you out of team wear.

Warnings: 18+, jealous Danny, reader is a tease, Lewis attempting to flirting with reader, kind of jealous sex?, Dan is completely in love with the reader, orgasm denial (for reader), oral (m receiving), fingering, filthy words.

pairing: daniel x fem!driver!reader (established relationship), lewis x teammate!reader

word count: 3.5k

The FIA is hosting a black tie event, and since you're a driver, it is mandatory that you attend. If it weren't, you'd be downing shots in a club with your boyfriend.

Speaking of, you received a message from the man himself. He sent you a selfie with a cheesy smile that you fell in love with. You wished that you two could be in the same hotel room. It was brutal that you two would travel together because of your career but could barely spend time actually being together.

Well, if you wanted to, you could. And that has been brought up in your conversations a lot. But the thing is, you're the only female driver on the grid, and fraternizing with a fellow driver wouldn't look good for your image. Those weren't your words, it was drilled into your mind by your PR manager about a million times whenever they saw you 'too close' with another driver.

So, you and Daniel decided that it would be better if you two kept your relationship a secret. Although he understood why, he wished that he didn't have to. He wanted to enter the paddock with you-side by side-being able to proudly say that you're his girlfriend.

It's been like that for six months now.

You responded to his selfie with one of your own. A big smile you only had when you were around him. You ensured that you didn't reveal your outfit for tonight as you wanted to see his reaction in person. But you knew what he was wearing; a dark green suit with a white collared shirt. He even left the top few buttons undone, already knowing that he was planning to tease you tonight.

But you had your own plan.

You checked your appearance in the mirror one last time before heading out. Coincidentally, you ended up matching with Daniel. Recently, you bought a few dresses and told Daniel all about it, and you are almost certain that he bought a suit to match the dress, even though he didn't know you would wear it today.

You layered two necklaces together, one longer so it follows the deep neckline of your dress. The longer necklace actually had the letter D on it—an initial necklace. It was very obvious who bought it for you. The only reason you wore it was because if anyone saw it, you'd know that they were probably looking where they weren't supposed to. And maybe, tonight you didn't mind playing with fire.

When you entered the banquet hall, you were amazed by all the decorations. It was evident that they went all out to host a party that you didn't even know what it was about. Seemed to be like a gathering to attract the right people for the upcoming season. After all, the more popularity and money, the better. You almost rolled your eyes at the thought.

You looked around and locked eyes with your lover, who was standing beside Lewis telling him something that you were sure he wasn't even paying attention to. You waved at him with a cheeky smile on your face.

You decided to make him wait a bit, after all he was busy. Walking up to your team principal, you commented "looking good Toto," rarely seeing him in a proper suit.

"Who are you?" He asked, barely containing his smile as you faked offence. "Your favourite driver."

"You look different, surely you cannot be who you say you are." He continued on with the act which made Susie smack his arm. "Ha ha, very funny Toto" you playfully rolled your eyes.

"What he means to say is that you look stunning." Susie added and Toto nodded with her words. You thanked her and continued talking, mainly about the upcoming season.

Meanwhile, Daniel was still watching you. Lewis nudged him, gaining his attention. "What'd you say?"

He chuckled, looking towards you as well. "Who's that?" Lewis asked as the pair couldn't see your face, only your back.

Before he could answer, a few other guys joined them. Pierre, Charles, and Lando were now conversing with Lewis but Daniel's sight couldn't move away from you.

Once again, lost in his own world, the others were now silent, just watching him watch the back of a apparently mysterious lady. "He hasn't taken his eyes off her ever since she arrived I think" Lewis told the guys. Pierre nudged Daniel, making him look at the Frenchman with a glare. No one can let him enjoy his view in peace.

"Do you even know who that is?" Pierre asked. "She's with Toto, so I'm assuming that Lewis would know?" Charles looked towards the English man who shrugged. "I don't know man, but I'm sure I'll get to know her tonight." He smirked, already thinking of ways to approach you.

"Already calling dibs on her huh?" Daniel asked, clenching his jaw as he heard them talk about you. "Well, I'm sure you can't. Didn't you say you have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah I do. But let me ask you this, what makes you think she isn't taken?" He retorted.

"Only one way to find out" Lewis stated, setting his drink down and making his way towards you.

"peut-elle regarder ici?" [can she look here?] Pierre said out loud, making Charles shake his head, "Wait til Lewis talks to her"

"Out of all the people, why Max?" Lando commented as he noticed that you moved away from Toto and Susie and now conversing with Max. "What's wrong with that?" Daniel asked.

"Max is just Max, and he’s in a relationship so why is he even with her?" He shrugged. They all saw Max laughed loudly at something you said, and the way you placed your hand on his arm in response.

"Do you think if Lewis gets her number, he'll share it?" Charles asked which earned him a smack on his head from Pierre. "Not with you." His friend replied.

Daniel was definitely getting irritated by the words he was hearing about you—his girlfriend.

Meanwhile, you were conversing with Max until you heard your teammates voice, "hello, beautiful."

You turned around to face him and noticed how his eyes turned wide while you had a confused expression on your face. "Lewis, hi"

All the guys were intently watching as Lewis said something to make you turn around. As soon as you did, Pierre coughed loudly as he choked on his drink, Lando laughed, and Charles was stunned into silence. All while Daniel had a smug smile on his face, because he was the only one that knew it was you.

"Oh wow" Lewis muttered along with your name. By now, Max excused himself and made his way over to Daniel and the group. "She looks..." Charles began, "beautiful" Pierre finished the sentence and they nodded in agreement.

"Lewis?" You waved your hand in front of him and snapped him out of his thoughts when he didn't respond to your question. "Sorry, what?"

"What happened, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna be honest and say that I thought you were someone else." He told you which made you smile, "mhm, I got that a few times tonight."

"Maybe the FIA needs to host more events, can't believe you walk around in Mercedes gear all the time." He stepped closer and told you, trying hard to maintain eye contact.

You slightly tilted you head at him and peeked at the men looking at you two behind him, mainly looking at Daniel who made direct eye contact with you. "Well I wouldn't want to walk in a dress and heels in the paddock now would I?"

"True, but I definitely wouldn't mind seeing that."

You raised your eyebrows, "are you flirting with me?"

"Is it working?" He instantly responded but you saw how he cringed a bit at that question. You shook your head with a smile on your face, "Lewis, I think I should make it clear, I'm in a relationship. So no, it's not working"

Realization was evident on his face, and he began apologizing. "I guess he was right then" he muttered but you heard him, "who?"

"Daniel. He asked how can I be so sure that you're not taken."

You looked in Daniel's direction at his mention but he wasn't there, the other guys still looking at you with Max included now. Strange, you didn't know where he went.

"Hey, I'll still give you credit for trying" you laughed. "Totally didn't make it awkward, you're not going to push me off the track in the next race, are you?" He joked, and just like that, the topic of conversation changed.

"For that question, maybe I will."

Once you ended your conversation with Lewis, he returned to the group—who were all smiling at him for his failed efforts. "Not a word. Not a single word" he instantly said before anyone could make a comment.

"What did she say?" Lando completely ignored Lewis' instructions and asked a question. "She's taken." He simply replied making all the boys eye's widen, "you still asked her out? Come on, she's your teammate"

"So what? She's stunning, and I'd be an idiot not to realize that."

"Guess you are then, you never asked her out until she dressed up." Pierre told him, who earned a glare in response. "Forget it, she has a boyfriend anyways."

"Not surprised at all"

Lewis internally groaned, wondering how he was left to converse with the younger generation. He looked around for someone near his age—well if you could call it that. Daniel had seemingly disappeared in thin air.

All the guys knew you were attractive, but no one really wanted to act on it as much because they saw you as just a driver than a woman—which you weren't entirely sure if you liked that or not. But now, seeing you all dolled up in a beautiful dress made them think otherwise. But, it sucked knowing that they won't have a chance because you're taken. By who, they didn't know.

You were tired of the smile you had to keep up for various conversations that sometimes felt like an interview. It didn't help that you couldn't see the man you initially came here for.

You held your phone in your hand while also entertaining a glass of water in the other. Even though it was an open bar, you knew that you couldn't get drunk here. It was merely just a test.

You tapped on Daniel's contact which was just the letter D with a heart. Hovering your finger over the call button, contemplating whether or not you should call him.

Before you could, you felt an arm slip around your waist and a kiss was pressed to the side of your forehead. You already knew it was him, because no one else would dare to do that. You didn't like physical affection unless it was from him—mainly because it was his love language and you had to quickly adapt to it, not complaining at all though.

"Where were you?" You asked as you looked up at him. "Out, for a breather."

You frowned, "are you okay?" confused because you knew he liked parties. He nodded, and diverted your attention to the way he was completely checking you out. He smiled once he saw the pendant adorning his initial. "Bold choice" he commented before dragging his finger on the skin underneath the chain as he picked it up.

"Daniel." You warned, wanting to smack his hand away but loved the butterflies it was giving you—both in your stomach and even lower.

He looked up at you with an intense look in his eyes, "yes?"

"Don't do that. We're in public"

"You know, you look amazing tonight." he said, quieter so no one around you could hear. You stepped closer, whispering in his ear, "and if you behave tonight, you'll be the one taking this dress off."

"Darling, the things I want to do to you does not include any behaving." He dropped the chain and held your chin with his thumb and pointer finger.

"You don't know how bad I want to kiss you, to smear that lipstick."

Subconsciously, you leaned into him before you could contain yourself. But you were still confused why he was acting like this. "I hate to ruin this, but again, we're in public. You can't do any of that."

He sighed, stepping away from you. You decided to leave him with a thought, "for the record, I can't wait to be down on my knees for you too."

Daniel tried to reach out for you but you were just out of his grasp, walking away. His thoughts were now invaded by the image of you still in your dress on your knees with smeared makeup due to your tears, and spit drooling from your mouth as you sucked him off. "Fucking hell" he muttered to himself as he watched you mingle with others with a smirk on your face because you knew what you just did to him.

Sadly, since you were the only female driver on the grid, you mainly hung around with the guys. So, you were now with the group that watched you before.

However it didn't last long when Daniel joined you as well. He didn't say anything except "sorry, need this one for a moment", held your hand and took you away from the group.

He didn't stop walking until you exited the banquet hall into the main hall, taking you towards an empty hallway. He pushed you up against a wall and caged you in between his arms.

"What do you think you're doing?" You asked him, knowing well that you riled him up. He didn't answer you, instead he placed his lips on yours.

All thoughts left your mind as your hand tangled itself in his curls. He dropped one hand from the wall and lifted your leg, wrapping it around his waist then resting it on your thigh.

He parted away from you for a moment to breathe before trailing kisses down your throat and the exposed skin even below it. The lower he went, the harder it was to contain your moans. Once he played with the chain using his mouth, and began placing filthy wet kisses, you couldn't contain your moans any further.

He didn't stop or look up, but his hand came up to cover your mouth as he continued his ministrations on your neck. Once he was satisfied with the rare marks he made on your skin that would only get darker with time, he faced you with a smile on his face.

"You know everyone is going to see those right?"

"I know"

You pushed him away, "idiot. We're supposed to keep this a secret."

"But do you really want to?" He asked, holding your hand, placing a light kiss on the back.

"You know I don't."

"Then don't."

He was stepping closer again but you placed your palms against his shoulders, stopping him. "Why now?"

"No reason"

You were quiet for a moment, thinking about what could possibly tick him off like this. Then you smirked when you realized. "You're jealous"

"No I'm not" he responded, way to quick.

"So you don't mind if I go back to continue the conversation with Lewis?" You began to move away from him but he held you back. You chuckled at his reaction, you weren't actually going to go anywhere.

He was all you needed, wanted.

Once again, he held your hand and led you somewhere. You shook your head when you entered the bathroom. "That impatient huh?"

"Less talking, more action, baby"

This time, you initiated a kiss. One hand finding its familiar place in his hair while the other unbuttoned his shirt. "Who's impatient now?"

"Shut up"

You two didn't bother completely removing either of your clothes. His shirt was just unbuttoned and his hands wandered under your dress and pulled down your panties. In between your kisses, one of your legs were wrapped around his waist like earlier but this time, his fingers were teasing your entrance.

In the midst of the sweet kisses, you didn't realize when his fingers were probing your hole, swiftly entering two fingers. He groaned, commenting on how wet you were for him.

You trailed your hand down his chest, and palmed his cock through his pants. Using one hand to unbutton his pants, the very ones belonging to your new favourite suit of his.

Fortunately, the stalls were empty, but the risk of anyone possibly walking in was exciting as much as it was scary.

His fingers were now pumping in and out of you at a brutal pace, tipping you closer to the edge. "Right fucking there baby, please don't stop" you begged, but obviously, it's Daniel, he wouldn't listen.

His fingers stilled inside you as soon as you got those words out, "I think you said something about being on your knees for me earlier"

You rolled your eyes at him, "asshole"

"Keep that up and you won't be getting an orgasm any time soon" he slapped the inside of your thigh before unwrapped it from his waist.

"I don't need you for that. I can do that myself too"

Daniel raised an eyebrow at your words, "yeah, can you?" You nodded, but he didn't like that answer. He brought his wet fingers to your lips, which you greedily sucked on.

"Not better than me. Now get down on your fucking knees" he instructed after pulling his fingers out of your mouth. You didn't instantly obey, instead, you placed your hands on his face and brought him in for a filthy kiss. "I love it when you talk to me like that"

Bringing yourself down on your knees, not caring for the dress you are wearing, you watched as he brought his pants and boxers down to his knees.

You licked your hand before placing it on his cock, then brought your mouth down on him as well. You could feel his hand on your head, tangling in your hair as he guided you—even though you knew well enough what he liked and disliked.

You already knew that you'd be getting an orgasm later tonight, so you focused on his pleasure. After all, you loved seeing him all hot and bothered because of you.

"No hands" Holding your head still, he chose his own pace, face fucking you. As he pictured before, you were on your knees, spit drooling from your mouth, and tears staining your cheeks. This was perfect.

"You know, anyone can walk in here and see you on your knees for me" he told you, looking at the door to the bathroom then back at you. You moaned around his cock, liking the thrill of it.

His hips stuttered and he warned you that he was going to cum. You took that chance to regain control, using just your mouth to tip him over the edge.

Earning a mouthful of his cum, you opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out to show him, then swallowed. He tilted his head back, muttering a curse word as that image would be imprinted in his mind for a long time.

He held your hand to help you stand up. You pressed a kiss to his lips and walked towards the mirror to hide any possible indications of bathroom sex. As expected, your lipstick was smeared, your eye makeup was slightly messed up due to your tears.

Daniel stood behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I don't like you" you told him. "Why?"

"Didn't give me an orgasm" you muttered while fixing your hair. He chuckled, "thought you could do that on your own."

You pushed him away, "doesn't mean I want to"

He turned you around, and brought you close to him again. Twirling a strand of your hair around his finger, "I know baby, but can't have you getting everything you want now"

"Asshole" you commented again which caused him to whisper in your ear, "darling, if you behave, I'll definitely be the one taking that dress off you" he used your words against you.

He held your panties in his hand, and you held you own hand out, asking him to give them to you. But he shook his head, "I think I'm gonna keep these"

You couldn't argue because Daniel opened the door to the bathroom and held your hand as you walked out. What you two didn't expect was for Lewis, Pierre, and Charles standing nearby, watching with wide eyes. "So much for keeping it a secret" you muttered.

"At least they know that you're mine now" Daniel told you as you guys walked away, heading outside. You stopped, "so you were jealous!" You exclaimed.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Greta Garbo (Camille, Anna Karenina, Queen Christina)—Enigmatic and alluring and made me bisexual. The perfect example of the eroticism in silent films that literally transcends text. Could literally not change anything about her expression but you knew by looking at her eyes what she was thinking. She’s so gorgeous.

Audrey Hepburn (My Fair Lady, Sabrina, Roman Holiday)—Growing up, Audrey Hepburn desperately wanting to be a professional ballerina, but she was starved during WWII and couldn't pursue her dream due to the effects of malnourishment. After she was cast in Roman Holiday, she skyrocketed to fame, and appeared in classics like My Fair Lady and Breakfast at Tiffany's. She's gorgeous, and mixes humor and class in all of her performances. After the majority of her acting career came to close, she became a UNICEF ambassador.

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Garbo:

A cold-ass Swedish WLW Sphinx. Had plans to murder Hitler that she never got around to. "She will remain always a child of vikings, moved about by a snowy dream."

First of all, she's on the money; that's how much of a treasure she is. She's beautiful in such a distinct way you need very few lines to draw her. (Drawing by Einar Nerman) She managed to be mesmerizing in both silent and sound films. She kissed a woman in Queen Christina (and probably several more in real life). She was super dry and really funny in Ninotchka. She got the hell out of Hollywood and stayed out, living for almost 50 years after her retirement.

Garbo is one of the many reasons why I'm gay. If you haven't seen Queen Christina please do, She is so gender in that film. Also her accent makes it sound like she's always talking in cursive and it's so hypnotic (or at least I think so).

She's a gay introvert, like all of us here on Tumblr.

Probably a lesbian, absolutely a mood when she retired

Mysterious and aloof, charismatic and enigmatic, with beautiful androgynous characteristics, Garbo is undoubtedly the most eccentric and unique Hollywood vintage star. Her aversion to fame and stardom makes her even more desirable to the audience, and her insane chemistry with the camera, an actress one of a kind! Her particularity and her oddity is what discerns her strongly from her hollywood co workers at the time, noone was like her and would never be like her. I think, to the utmost extent, that she deserves the title of the hottest vintage star, even though that would be an understatement of what she is!

SO gorgeous, her thick Swedish accent makes will turn your brain into pudding

Audrey Hepburn:

"She may be a wispy, thin little thing, but when you see that girl, you know you're really in the presence of something. In that league there's only ever been Garbo, and the other Hepburn, and maybe Bergman. It's a rare quality, but boy, do you know when you've found it." - Billy Wilder

Raised money for the resistance in nazi occupied Hungary. Became a humanitarian after retiring. Two very sexy things to do!

where to begin......... i wont her so bad. i literally dont know what to say.

My dude. The big doe eyes, the cheekbones, the voice. The flawless way she carried herself. She was never in a movie where she wasn't drop dead gorgeous. Oh, also the fact she raised funds against the Nazis doing BALLET and she won the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her humanitarian work.

"It’s as if she dropped out of the sky into the ’50s, half wood-nymph, half princess, and then disappeared in her golden coach, wearing her glass slippers and leaving no footprints." - Molly Haskell

"All I want for Christmas is to make another movie with Audrey Hepburn." - Cary Grant

I know people nowadays are probably sick of seeing her with all the beauty and fashion merch around that depicts her and/or Marilyn Monroe but she is considered a classic Hollywood beauty for a reason. Ironically in her day she was more of the alternative beauty when compared to many of her contemporaries. She always came off with such elegance and grace, and she was so charming. Apparently she was a delight to work with considering how many of her co-stars had wonderful things to say about her. Outside of her beauty and acting ability she was immensely kind. She helped raise funds for the Dutch resistance during WWII by putting on underground dance performances as well as volunteering at hospitals and other small things to help the resistance. During her Hollywood career and later years she worked with UNICEF a lot. Just an all around beautiful person both inside and out.

No one could wear clothes in this era like she could. She was every major designer's favorite star and as such her films are time capsules of high fashion at the time. But beyond that, she had such an elegance in her screen presence that belied a broad range of ability. From a naive princess, to a confused widow, to a loving and mischievous daughter, she could play it all.

Look at that woman's neck. Don't you want to bite it?

[twogyuu]

reverse uno

Pairing: Jeonghan x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, dad!jeonghan, mom!reader, uncle!wonwoo

Warnings: profanity, some jealousy (but it's just out of funniness), jeonghan long hair slander, unedited

WC: ~1.5k

A/N: For shits and giggles. I also miss Jeonghan.

Spin-off from Wonwoo's Tasty Cereal (and Milk). Would reccomend reading this one first to have context for this one 😅

. . . .

Jeonghan was seething. 

Never in a hundred years did he think he’d be jealous of Jeon Wonwoo. 

Jeonghan has known the young man for the better half of his twenties from university. They were different as night and day, but Jeonghan never saw anything wrong with that. The two men had their unique qualities. Also, he adored Wonwoo – truly. A quiet fella with well-founded values and a kind heart, it was for those very reasons he could never really, what youth called, “rizz up” a girl despite all the heart eyes sent his way. The man had game; he just didn’t know how to use it. 

Heck, with Wonwoo’s current girlfriend, it took the effort of two armies and Lee Jihoon to get the frustrating oblivious pair together. 

It truly had to be a sick joke for Jeonghan to be standing in the middle of a kid’s backyard birthday party and bear witness to his four-year-old daughter falling head over heels for the four-eyed man. 

Atop a blue-and-white checkered blanket, Nina was seated on Wonwoo’s lap, his hand wrapped protectively over her waist to keep her from falling off, a picture book opened in front of them as he pointed at the illustrations of a Siamese cat dressed in a cape, leaping off a boat. 

She was whipped. 

His little girl, adorned with his big brown eyes – it was blasphemous. 

Nina laughed girlishly and clapped her hand out of joy as Wonwoo read one of the character’s lines in a low voice, mimicking that of a monster. 

Jeonghan has definitely reenacted scenes from some of her favorite storybooks way better than that. His impression of Amelia Bedelia could earn him an Oscar!

“Why are you clenching your fists so tight?” 

Jeonghan turned in the direction of the familiar sound of your voice. Your presence brought him some sense of comfort. At least he’d never lose you to Wonwoo. 

Jeonghan let out a defeated sigh, walking over to your side and snaking his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side. His eyes were still trained on his little girl, though he could feel your fingers grazing across the side of his face as you tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. 

Your eyes flickered from his hardened expression to Wonwoo and Nina, and then back. 

“What’s so great about him anyways?” Jeonghan asked. 

“Wonwoo?” you double-checked. 

“I mean, he’s not that great, you know?” Jeonghan pressed on, “I’m a cool dad! I let her eat ice cream for breakfast yesterday morning!”

“You what?”

Oops. 

Jeonghan shook his head, pretending he didn’t spill his daughter’s biggest secret. He scoffed dramatically, “This is ridiculous – she shouldn’t be acting so lovesick! She’s only four!”

You made a mental note to circle back to the ice cream for breakfast, but decided to address the matters of your husband’s current distress. 

“Maybe Wonwoo’s just good with kids,” you suggested, “He’s a teacher after all.”

“A math teacher,” Jeonghan scorned, “For eighth graders.”

“Honey, I think you’re overthinking this,” you tried to soothe him, doing your damn best to suppress your giggles. You hadn’t seen him this worked up in a while. He was always protective of Nina, but this was . . . something else. 

“He babysat her once and now she goes around eating cereal and milk separately, begs to watch Sailor Moon on Saturday mornings, and asks about ‘Uncle Woo’ more than she asks about you – like, this isn’t normal!”

A light bulb goes off in your mind. 

“Maybe,” you turned towards him to face him full front. Naturally, his hands settle on your waist. You reach over and smooth a strand of hair on the other side of his face, your fingers playing with the ends of the overgrown, long strands brushing across his jawline. “She likes his haircut.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

You shrug playfully. “Hey – Wonwoo is a handsome man and maybe, she’s like me: knows one when she sees one.”

“And what does that have to do with his hair?” Jeonghan asked. 

“Haircuts make a huge difference in someone’s appearance,” you peer over Jeonghan’s shoulder, throwing Wonwoo and Nina a glance. They seemed to have caught your gaze, both waving happily in your direction. A smile spread across your face, turning back to Jeonghan. “His new haircut looks nice.”

Jeonghan cocked an eyebrow at you. “Are you suggesting something here?”

You pull away, his hands slipping off your hips. “Nothing I haven’t said to you before.”

Because that was the truth. 

Despite his best friend’s insistence, you were not a fan of that mane that your husband has grown out and you had voiced your opinion more than once. 

You extended a hand to Jeonghan and asked sweetly, “Cake?”

“But Nina–”

“Relax,” you reassured him, pulling him after you, “Wonwoo’s a good babysitter – it’s just a little crush. Let them be and let’s spend a little time to ourselves?”

. . . .

“Sweetheart,” Jeonghan called from afar. 

Nina looked up from her drawing, the blue crayon in her chubby hands stopped moving at her dad’s voice. Her favorite cup, a white and green coffee mug with baby Yoda’s decorating the exterior, was clasped in one hand as he leaned against the entrance of the kitchen. 

“Yes, daddy?” she replied. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Jeonghan asked softly. 

That was a strange phrase. Usually, she asked her dad questions – not the other way around. Unsure how to answer, she stayed quiet and stared at him wide-eyed. 

“Do you . . . perhaps like Uncle Wonwoo’s haircut?” he asked slowly. 

Nina only stared back blankly at Jeonghan. She blinked, processing her dad’s strange and cryptic words. She knew about Uncle Wonwoo and she knew what a haircut was – her mom took her for one last month. She had sat in a chair shaped like a blue race car. 

“Do you think Uncle Wonwoo is handsome?” Jeonghan tried rephrasing his question. He shoved a hand, uncomfortably, into the pocket of his sweatpants. 

“Handsome,” Nina said quietly, “Like . . . how Cinderella thinks Prince Charming is handsome?”

Jeonghan nodded in encouragement. 

“I . . . think so?” Nina replied, confused.

“Oh,” Jeonghan said softly. 

Nina frowned, her little heart feeling funny at her dad being disappointed at her answer. “Is something wrong, daddy?”

“No, no,” Jeonghan smiled weakly. “Maybe your mommy was just right.”

As he walked away, Nina noted the way her dad tugged at his little ponytail. 

. . . .

“You cut your hair.”

Jeonghan sighed, annoyed as he roughly handed Nina’s night bag over to Wonwoo. 

“I did,” Jeonghan replied curtly.

“Why?” Wonwoo asked cautiously, sensing malice in his older friend’s tone. 

“Just because,” Jeonghan grumbled. He threw a look over his shoulder to make sure you and his daughter were coming along. You were shutting the door of the RAV4, Nina fast asleep in your arms with her head resting over your shoulder. “It was getting annoying anyways.”

“Interesting . . . I guess,” Wonwoo replied. 

At this, Jeonghan narrowed his eyes. “How so?”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened at Jeonghan’s harsh tone. A hand flew to the back of his neck. Nervously, he replied, “I mean . . . you just seemed to be . . . really adamant about growing it out – you and Cheol.”

“Well, my daughter likes boys with short hair like yours,” Jeonghan replied curtly. 

“Um,” Wonwoo’s eyes wandered around the living room. “I’m sorry if I’m missing something here, but what do I have to do with your hair?”

Jeonghan inhaled sharply, shaking off all the tension. “It’s nothing –”

“Nina has a crush on you and Jeonghan is bitter because she doesn’t think he’s the coolest anymore,” you announced as you entered behind Jeonghan. 

“Y/N!?” Jeonghan exclaimed. 

You winked in his direction before settling your daughter onto Wonwoo’s couch, adjusting her head in a comfortable position. 

“But I thank you for your service,” you said to Wonwoo. Folding your arms across your chest, you smiled in satisfaction. “I got him to get a haircut.”

“You’re welcome . . .?” Wonwoo asked more than he stated. He was so confused. 

“That’s manipulative!” Jeonghan shrieked. 

You brought a finger to your lips and to shush him, eyes flickering to your daughter. Nina stirred momentarily in her sleep before settling into the cushion again. 

Hooking your arms with his, you dragged your husband away. You remarked, “Manipulative like when you got me to go on that blind date with you?” You waved off Wonwoo. “We’ll be back around 11PM.”

Wonwoo nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“That’s different,” Jeonghan whined. He tried pulling his arm away to no avail – you had a strong grip. 

“I’ve waited almost a decade for this moment: Consider it pay back.”

“Y/N.”

You pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and patted his arm before rounding the front of the car to get to the passenger side. 

“I married a menace,” Jeonghan groaned. 

“So did I!” 

“A match made in the heavens itself!” Wonwoo called from the door. 

The air filled with your laughter. 

A menace, but Jeonghan couldn’t deny, he really loved that sound more than anything. 

[m00mis]

Hiiii if you can can you please write Seventeen as dads please? 🥺

as a no1 dilf lover i sure can

{ gender neutral apart from cheol & mingyu because i HAD to. }

seventeen as dads

cheol - would beg for a daughter, and spoil her greatly, anything she wanted was hers. he's her biggest fan and would sign her up to so many sports, making sure to never miss a match. he'd make banners to hold up for her to cheer her on, he's so intense he almost got thrown out when he started arguing with the ref. they would have nightly gossip sessions where she could rant about her day. he would be her rock, someone she could always go to for anything

jeonghan - borderline dangerous with children because he would swing and throw them around. thinks that kids should be free to do what they want (within reason) and just asks them to come home for dinner. he trusts his kid a lot and is a very chill parent but when they start acting out he does NOT let them get away with it and is very judgmental "this is what you do with your time? do something better with your life..."

joshua - babies his kid forever and they're always an angel in his eyes. constantly says "remember when you were this big? time flies" and always reminisces. you catch him looking through photographs late at night, especially the night before their birthday. cries at every milestone and is so touched when they handmake anything for him. loves them so much, he is so grateful for them

jun - a very playful dad who is a big kid himself really. enjoys playtime as much as they do (maybe even more) and is often the one to ask them if they want to play. as they get older he teaches them everything he knows. he just really enjoys doing activities with them! teaching them to cook, to play the piano, to paint. there's mini juns running about all over the place

hoshi - the jokester, the comedian, the free entertainment for the whole family. his fav sound is his kid's laughter and will do anything to hear it. when he tucks them into bed he gives them kisses down their arms and on their feet. he can't help rolling around on their bed attacking them with kisses. (and ofc he constantly roams around his house as a tiger. paints both their faces as tigers, his tiger cub <3)

wonwoo - quite bashful around his kid but the little things he will do for them and go out of his way for show how much he loves them. he would do whatever they say and happily watch them do what they want because they're so cute. they know they have him wrapped around their tiny fingers and he does not care one bit. is definitely giving them lifts everywhere when they're older so they don't have to pay taxi fare

woozi - plays the piano and sings to get them to calm down and stop crying and it works every time. loves recording their baby voice and lets them make their own music tracks even though it stresses him out letting their grubby hands touch his stuff. he composes a lullaby for them (edward cullen style). never seen him as happy as when he's with his baby

dk - buys so many outfits because he cannot go past the baby section without dying of cuteness at how small and cute all the clothes are. photographs every little thing and is very protective, always there to catch his baby incase they fall or stumble. definitely the embarrassing dad who tries to be funny around their friends if they come over

mingyu - has mini dates with his daughter, getting her ready himself and doing her hair (badly). they go to see a movie together and a cafe after, sharing cake and a milkshake. househusband is naturally a great father and his heart bursts when she clings to him, following him around while he does chores. he buys matching aprons so they can cook together, the kitchen ends up a mess but the amount of giggling makes up for it

minghao - he's so nurturing and in tune to what children need and treats them as mini adults, respecting their space and emotions. the only thing he wants his kid to be is kind, constantly teaching them to respect others. his fav part of the day would be bedtime, he would stay with them until they fell asleep, stroking their hair and telling them stories

seungkwan - will fight children. if his kid gets bullied he will storm into the school to find who hurt his baby and he would get banned from the premises. (tbh he's terrified of children tho they're scary) he also teases his kid a lot and only stops once they start doing it back but he's glad that they learnt to fight their own corner from the very best. definitely a soccer mom

vernon - thinks his kid is so funny and laughs at whatever they do (lovingly). constantly plays music for them in hopes that as they grow up they'll have the same music taste. i think he would be the more submissive dad who lets them do makeup on his face and put stickers and fake tats on him, and would be the patient if they played doctor. when they got older he would take them bowling and to the arcade

dino - nothing he's achieved compares to being a father, he loves his kid so much, such a proud dad. has a photo of them in his wallet and shows it to everyone he can. feels like he'll explode every time he comes home and hears "daddy!". he would take his kid to the dance studio with him so they could make cute choreo together. although he would love for his kid to follow in his footsteps, he urges them to find what they want to do and would be so supportive no matter what.

[steddiealltheway]

Part Two out of Six of Meddling ;). Part One. AO3 Link.

“That’s good! Now Steve, don’t look like you’re in so much pain.”  

It’s only been about five minutes, and Steve is already tired of the pictures. Robin has put them in so many awkward stock photo poses that he has started to wonder how this could ever be fun like Eddie said.  

What makes things worse is he knows that Eddie feels the same way because he’s so damn tense. Honestly, the whole thing feels fake and unnatural, and for some reason, it upsets Steve although this is exactly what he signed up for.  

Nancy winces at the most recent photo she’s taken and says, “Okay, how about we take a break?”  

“Thank god,” Steve sighs in relief and sits on the couch. Eddie ends up sprawling out next to him until he shoves him a bit.  

“Move a little so I can get comfortable.”  

Steve nudges him back. “It’s an L-shaped couch. Take the other side.”  

“I’m not moving away from that sweater. Come here, my love,” Eddie says dramatically while reaching out to the sweater.  

Steve rolls his eyes again and sprawls out next to Eddie until he’s basically spooning him. “Close enough to it?”  

Eddie pulls him in a little closer. “Maybe now.”  

Steve smiles a bit to himself and closes his eyes. He doesn’t know why the pictures have been so exhausting, but he’s glad it’s led to this moment.  

The camera shutter goes off again. Steve cracks an eye open.  

Nancy smiles at him and walks away, staring at whatever picture she just took.  

Steve feels himself begin to doze off when Robin shakes him awake. “Break time is over.”  

Eddie groans behind him and squeezes Steve - or rather his sweater - one last time before hesitantly getting up.  

“I have an idea,” Nancy announces. “I’m going to take some candid photos of you two. No more poses. Just you two hanging out.”  

“While still acting like a couple, right?” Steve asks.  

For some reason, the comment is funny to Nancy who tries and fails to hide a laugh behind her hand before she confirms, “Yeah, of course.”  

Eddie must miss it though because he just nods and replies, “Okay. So, what do we do?”  

Robin holds up two very ugly Christmas sweaters with a big smile. “It’s Christmas time, and you two are going to dance.”  

Steve shoots Eddie a look. What have they gotten into?  

-:-:-:-:-:-

Robin starts playing Christmas music over their speaker as Steve and Eddie prepare to slow dance.  

It had taken them a while to get here after Eddie insisted on saying a very tearful goodbye to his sweater. Steve had even cut it short by offering to wear it during the fake double date with Veronica as long as they stayed inside.  

Robin had agreed to have the date at their place and keep it simple – just dinner and a movie. Nancy had even thrown in the idea of having a practice run where she would pretend to be Veronica. Honestly, it all kind of eased the tension for Steve, so he agreed quickly.  

Now, he wishes he would’ve stalled as he takes his place in front of Eddie and awkwardly holds his arms out. “How are we supposed to do this?”  

“You think I know?” Eddie asks as his hands begin to move to hover over his shoulders then his waist before repeating the process, just as unsure about where to put them.  

Steve shrugs. He’s had his good share of slow dances with girls at prom and homecoming growing up, but the only experience he’s had dancing with men has been at bars when he’s been fairly intoxicated.  

It’s not that he doesn’t want to slow dance with guys. He’s a romantic. But he’s just... never had the opportunity. And here’s Eddie standing right in front of him giving him that opportunity.  

He doesn’t want to mess it up. But does he put his hands around his shoulders or his waist or??  

Eddie’s arms slowly slide around Steve’s waist as he pulls him close. Steve’s arms automatically come up to wrap around Eddie’s shoulders. It reminds him of the way they hug, but he’s still able to see Eddie’s face.  

It feels right.  

“Silent Night” comes on, and Steve smiles and sways to the very slow beat.  

Eddie smiles back and gently rests his forehead against Steve’s. “I’ve never done this before.”  

“Really?” Steve pulls back to ask.  

Eddie nods and looks down at his feet.  

“I’ve never done this with a guy,” Steve confesses.  

It seems to lessen Eddie’s tension a bit as he melts into his arms. He drops his head to Steve’s shoulder, and Steve closes his eyes and rests his head against Eddie’s, letting himself stay in the moment for a bit.  

When the song ends and transitions into “O Holy Night”, yet another slow Christmas song, Eddie’s head comes up a bit and he whispers, “I’m having a bit of an impulsive thought.”  

Steve turns to whisper back. “Care to share?”  

Eddie giggles – like actually giggles – then says, “I want to squeeze your ass.”  

Steve throws back his head and laughs loudly.  

“My hands are down there already! You can’t blame me!” Eddie protests with a laugh.  

Steve looks back at him and says, “Go ahead.”  

Eddie’s jaw drops open slightly then closes. “You’re not joking?”  

“Let me know what you think,” Steve says with a wink.  

Eddie laughs again then his hands slowly slide down to lightly cup his butt, then he squeezes.  

“Okay! Next activity!” Robin yells.  

Eddie startles as much as Steve which only results in him grabbing his ass again. Steve laughs as Eddie’s hands snap up in surrender. “Oops,” Eddie says looking equal parts guilty and proud.  

“I need to wash my eyes with bleach,” Robin comments as she walks off somewhere. “But before that, I have a very special request.”  

Steve reluctantly looks away from Eddie only to have all his senses fill with horror as Robin slowly lifts up a leafy looking plant out of a box on their coffee table that he hadn’t noticed before. “Mistletoe,” Robin says with a big smile.  

Steve freezes.  

“Come on, guys. You’ve been dating for two years. You have to have some pictures of you two kissing. We already have one of Eddie groping you,” Nancy says as if that helps.  

Steve cringes. How did he forget that there’s a camera capturing his every move? He’s terrified to see how the pictures turn out since he’s going to have love written all over his face.  

Maybe Steve can convince Robin that she’s the only one who needs them. Or he can just select a few to send to Eddie where his face is hidden. He really doesn’t want to ruin their friendship.  

Robin shakes the mistletoe again, and Steve suppresses a groan. This is definitely going to ruin things.  

“It’s just a kiss. People do it all the time. Platonically,” Eddie reasons.  

Steve swipes a hand over his face and looks at Eddie. “Can I talk to you alone please?”  

Eddie nods and follows him to his room. While Steve opens the door for Eddie, he shoots Robin an I know what you’re doing look that he will discuss with her later. Then, he closes the door behind him.  

“Steve, we really don’t have to kiss. We can fake it and make Nancy take it at an angle that makes it look believable. We can also just tell Veronica that we’re not super big on PDA, so we don’t take pictures like that.”  

All of what he’s saying makes perfect sense, and they’re the perfect excuses.  

But instead of taking any of it, Steve says, “I’m fine with kissing you. I just don’t want my first kiss with you to be in front of Nancy, Robin, and a camera. No one deserves that.”  

Eddie’s eyes soften a bit at the admission, and he smiles softly. “Okay.”  

Steve takes Eddie’s hands and slowly approaches him. Then, he pauses and backs away with a thought. “Wait.” He hurriedly strips off the ugly Christmas sweater and ignores Eddie’s, “Uh, are we kissing shirtless or something?” Then, he digs to where he carefully hung his yellow sweater and tugs it off the hanger again before putting it back on.  

“I don’t know what it is about this sweater that makes you so-”  

Steve is cut off by Eddie kissing him.  

His hands cup his jaw and slide into his hair while Steve finally snaps back into reality although he feels like he’s in a dream. His hands come up to grip Eddie’s shoulders as he deepens the kiss, tasting the candy cane Eddie had snagged earlier from Robin’s décor.  

The thought has Steve remembering why he’s even gotten here in the first place, so he begins to slow down the kiss as if to help ground himself. But he’s hopeless when Eddie’s lips move gently against his until they reluctantly pull away before moving to kiss him again. Then, again.  

Steve pulls back so he can rest his forehead against Eddie’s, and he can’t help but think how they’re almost mirroring how they appeared earlier when dancing. He lets himself drown out the rest of the world as he listens to his and Eddie’s heavy breathing start to even out and slowly go back to normal. But Steve’s heart is still pounding in his chest the same as it was when Eddie was kissing him.  

He thinks he may never be the same.  

There’s a loud knock on the door that makes Steve desperately want to say Go away!  

But then Robin is asking, “You two didn’t die in there, did you? I’m not forcing you two to kiss if you don’t want to just to be clear!”  

Steve’s hand flies up to his mouth as he muffles his laugh. Eddie whispers, “Stop it, you’re going to make me laugh, and that’ll give us away.”  

Steve hides his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck, but his shoulders start to shake.  

“We’re about to come in if you don’t answer,” Nancy warns.  

“Don’t worry! I just wanted to give Steve’s sweater another speech because I missed it! Why did you have to put us in these ugly things, Buckley?” Eddie lies quickly.  

“Because I love torturing you. Now hurry up!”  

Steve pulls away reluctantly and grabs the hideous red sweater. He leaves the yellow one out this time though – just in case.  

They both take a few more seconds to not appear so frazzled before they go back to the living room. Robin gives him a questioning look, but Steve looks away. He’s not going to spill the stuff about Eddie right now with both him and Nancy in the room. Plus, he doesn’t want to give Robin the satisfaction of knowing that she finally made him deal with his feelings for him. She can suffer a little longer not knowing.  

Eddie walks right up to the mistletoe and grabs it. “This seems like something I would do more so than you,” Eddie says.  

Steve crosses his arms. “And why’s that?”  

Eddie smiles and walks up to him. “Because you love acting irritated about stuff, especially in front of other people.” Steve can’t begin to defend himself before Eddie turns to Nancy and asks, “Camera’s ready?”  

“Ready,” she confirms.  

Eddie looks at Steve. “You’re sure this is okay?”  

Steve nods. He thinks he’ll take any excuse to kiss Eddie again.  

So, Eddie holds up the mistletoe in his right hand, and Steve wraps his arms around his shoulders. He leans forward and slowly kisses Eddie.  

He barely hears the camera go off.  

When he pulls away, he looks Eddie in the eyes and almost kisses him again. But Eddie puts the mistletoe down and digs into his pocket. “Wait, I want one that’s not so professional or whatever,” he says as he pulls up his phone and swipes to the camera. “One more?” he asks.  

Steve nods and lets Eddie kiss him this time so he doesn’t take him off guard when he takes the picture. When he pulls away, he and Eddie turn to his phone and watch as Eddie presses on the picture gallery.  

Steve’s heart starts pounding so hard, he’s sure Eddie can feel it based on how close they are.  

Eddie forgot to hold up the mistletoe this time, but... they look perfect together.  

“Okay, next up is our outdoor dates. You’ll have to take some of these from your phone instead of Nancy’s nice camera to make it more realistic. But this also means we can’t sit near you where we’re going next.”  

Robin really needs to learn how to read when the moment is over, but it seems like she has a whole day planned with a tight schedule, so he can’t blame her for pushing things.  

“Where are we going?” Eddie asks. He swings one arm around Steve’s waist to keep him close.  

“You’ll see,” Nancy says with a suspicious wink. “But pack your clothes. All casual things.”  

Steve reluctantly steps away from Eddie to find a duffle bag to put their clothes in. Although he doesn’t want to admit it, he’s actually starting to look forward to the rest of the day.  

Part three

Tag list <3:

@little-gae-shit @dreamingtheimpossibe @leethegay @lazyavenuewhispers @olibxr @thegayestpersonever

[maxknightley]

Which Touhou Girls Can You Plausibly Read As Butch? A Comprehensive Overview

Earlier on Tumblr I saw a post complaining that someone called Hecatia Lapislazuli from Touhou Project butch. This is Hecatia Lapislazuli:

Obviously, like most Touhou characters, she is in fact quite feminine - she just shops at Hell Hot Topic. But it got me thinking: In a series like Touhou, with a cast overwhelmingly defined by feminine (if rowdy) ladies, how many characters could you say are 'butch' without sounding like a complete doofus or significantly redesigning them to fit your headcanon?

CRITERIA

I'll be using four main criteria to judge characters' butchness. In real life, of course, butchness is a multivalent and extremely personal thing, but I'm talking about funny cartoon women from a video game here, so I'm willing to be a little reductive.

These criteria, in order of descending importance, are:

FASHION. In a series where goddamn near everyone is in either a dress or a skirt, the mere act of Wearing A Dress Shirt can be enough to make a powerful statement. Hats may also play a role here, given how many Touhou characters have gay little hats.

HAIRSTYLE. Short hair is not the be-all and end-all of butchness. I, myself, am Decidedly Butch even though I've been growing out my hair since college. But the length and styling of the hair are still a valuable indicator of how someone thinks of themself and wants to be seen.

'TUDE. Could this character be accurately described as "kind of a frat boy?" How do they speak to others? Do they just kind of seem like a character who ought to be butch, regardless of their looks? Do they even lift?

COMEDY FACTOR. Self-explanatory. This will probably only come into play if I run into a weird edge case.

I'll also emphasize that we're grading on a curve here - butchness is being assessed relative to the characters who do not appear on this list. Nobody in this series has a buzzcut, you know what I mean?

THE TIER LIST

AS CLOSE TO CANON AS WE'LL GET

Fujiwara no Mokou. The girl wears a dress shirt, fucking suspenders, and trousers. Not shorts, actual full-length pants. She's also in a perpetual love-hate mutual-murder situationship with Princess Kaguya, who is femme as all fuck. Obviously you don't have to be butch to date a femme - I'm just saying it feels Fitting given their whole deal.

Yuugi Hoshiguma. Most of the time, her fashion sense is actually quite feminine - but her look in the most recent chapter of Cheating Detective Satori, with the one exposed shoulder and the sarashi and all that, significantly alters the balance. Her hair actually reads as more masc to me when she keeps it long and unruly - when she puts it up in a ponytail, she ends up looking very kempt, even elegant. The deciding factor here is 'Tude: Her sheer levels of butch swag are off the fucking charts. (Still, I wouldn't blame someone for arguing she should be knocked down a tier - especially since I'd argue the Comedy Factor works in reverse here. She's way funnier if she doesn't think of herself as butch in the slightest.)

Minamitsu Murasa. In his original appearance I'd argue that Murasa is in "Reasonable" tier - maybe even as low as "Kind of a Stretch." But her big gay Jotaro jacket in Sunken Fossil World, combined with the emphasis on the weightiness and solidity of his trademark anchor, put her over the top. One of the only Touhou girls I consider worthy of being He/Himmed.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna. The other He/Him-worthy Touhou girl. Very short, slightly messy hair; wears a kimono, not a dress; inheritor of Issun-Boshi's legacy; wears fucking dinnerware as a hat. Why do you want to be Big so badly, huh? So you can pick up women more easily? So you can carry your awful wife through the upside-down threshold of your upside-down bedroom?

Raiko Horikawa. For the longest time I thought her skirt was a pair of shorts because I straight up could not parse it as anything else. Even now I'm like "that can't possibly be a skirt, ZUN just drew it weird. She has to be wearing a full two-piece suit." Skirt aside, her jacket/dress shirt/necktie are still undeniable, as is her short hair. Also, she is a taiko drum given life, and I feel like taiko and timpanis are naturally butch. Maybe if she was a tambourine or a set of bongos I'd rank her lower?

Momoyo Himemushi. Rough-talking miner. Wears a dress shirt, leaves the top button(?) undone. Tromps around a big weird cave with no shoes or socks on. Wears bows and bangles basically everywhere but in her messy, tangled hair. Also, maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I just can't picture a centipede as being femme.

REASONABLE

Wriggle Nightbug. The dress shirt, cape, and puffy shorts all paint a vivid picture, but I just feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion on Wriggle as a character to put her in the top tier. In other words, she's got plenty of points for Fashion and quite a few for Hairstyle, but I just don't think the 'Tude is sufficient for me.

Reisen Udongein Inaba. The skirts are a strike against her, but her whole "dress shirt + necktie + sometimes suit jacket" thing makes a big difference, especially given that we're grading on a curve. Her rumpled ears and (particularly in Inaba of the Moon, Inaba of the Earth) pathetic demeanor go a long way towards giving her a vibe somewhere between "overworked salaryman" and "Detective Columbo."

Aya Shameimaru. All you need to know about Aya is that her "human reporter" disguise looks like This:

Mononobe no Futo. Butch, but in a really weird, circuitous way, imo. Like. She's sort of wearing a dress, but it's sort of a robe - the contrast of the hemline with her big flowy sleeves makes it hard to pin down - and her outfit quite notably has tassels rather than any kind of frills. I don't know what the hell is up with her hat but it's definitely not femme by any stretch of the imagination. Then thou hast the wayes in which she speaketh all "faux-olde-timey," even though nobody else in the setting does that... she transferred her soul into a plate, but she also throws plates around as weapons... It's like she's constantly putting on a performance that only she truly understands. It's like she reverse-engineered "masculine womanhood" by hanging out with a bunch of queens and doing kind of the same thing but kind of the inverse. The more I think about Futo the more I think she's entirely on her own wavelength, but I think "Reasonable" tier is a... uh, reasonable... approximation for the sake of this post.

Sagume Kishin. She dresses like if Bill Nye were a woman, and I think that cuts to the heart of it - she reminds me of a professor who you're not ever sure is gay, but you kind of pick up on a vibe, and near the end of the semester she offhandedly refers to "her partner" and you're like HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT. I went back and forth between putting her in "Reasonable" and "Kind of a Stretch"; ultimately, the Comedy Factor decided it because I couldn't stop thinking about a scenario where she says she's a woman, accidentally upends her whole understanding of gender in the process, and ends up taking testosterone while still ID'ing as a lesbian. I don't actually know if her powers would work that way and I don't care.

KIND OF A STRETCH

Eiki Shiki. I don't have a lot to go on, here, because she hasn't had many official appearances and seems to spend most of her time lecturing people or tormenting sinners. Her uniform(?)/apothecary outfit(??) is pretty snazzy; combined with the hat, it gives her a vaguely "military officer" look to me. We'll call her "butch pending further investigation," which I think she would agree is the correct course of action.

Sekibanki. She's here partially because of the cape, and partially because being sandwiched between Wakasagihime and Kagerou makes her look way more masc by contrast. I know what I said.

Ringo. It's pretty much just the hat and the pants, though - as a butch woman who Loves Eating - I am also inclined to project my own experiences onto her.

Aunn Komano. She reads as more "tomboyish" than outright "butch" to me, what with her whole puppy-dog vibe, but at the same time... she's very much wearing shorts and the kind of goofy-looking button-up shirt that is central to my own wardrobe and the wardrobe of other butches in my life. I'm willing to count her.

Takane Yamashiro. A living testament to the power of small character design choices. I would never in a million years call Nitori butch, even with her gay little hat and all the pouches on her outfit - she just looks like a girl scout. Takane, though? Takane, with her little hair swoopy, and the fucking suitcase slung over her back, and her camo-print dress? I mean - ultimately it is still a dress, which is why I can't justify scoring her higher, but she's definitely chewing tobacco and riding around on an ATV on weekends.

Chiyari Tenkaijin. If she's butch, it's not really because she's trying to be butch, it's just because being femme seems too expensive and time-consuming. She's got better things to do (drink blood all day). Still, I think an argument could be made.

DEFINITELY A STRETCH, BUT I RESPECT IT

Renko Usami. ZUN is kind of inconsistent with how he draws her hat - sometimes it's more of a porkpie/fedora type thing, other times it's round-topped and looks a bit like Koishi's hat. To me, this is a crucial distinction. In a more general sense, I feel like Renko's outfit gets a little less plausibly-masc with each passing album, which says a lot about our society. Or her society, anyway, since she lives in the future. Still, the capelets and bowties...

Rinnosuke Morichika. I think it would be really funny if the only significant male character in Touhou wasn't actually even a dude. I'm not aware of any real textual support for this interpretation, though.

Shou Toramaru. Pretty much only on here because of the hair and because I think there's a certain je ne sais quoi to her whole deal of "she's not a real tiger, she's the idea of a tiger that pre-Meiji Japanese people came up with from secondhand accounts."

Seija Kijin. Not even remotely butch by any stretch of the imagination... But if she did consider herself butch, isn't that exactly what she'd want you to think?

POTENTIALLY NOTEWORTHY EXCLUSIONS

Cirno. "Tomboyish" is not the same thing as "butch," to me, especially if you exclusively wear dresses. Also, I'm not sure Cirno even knows what a lesbian is.

Saki Kurokoma. Not actually butch, just a horse girl. (And a horsegirl.)

Mike Goutokuji. Can't tell if she's wearing a skirt or shorts. She's got short hair, sure, but the whole "matching bell collar and wristbands that also have bells attached" thing makes her look more like a Very Online Trans Woman who just figured herself out and hasn't started hormones or bought any new clothes yet.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

ik you mentioned interest in writing out how you'd prefer homestuck ended (though obviously time and money makes that impossible lol), and you touched on it in your big eridan essay at the end, but would you ever consider maybe a more detailed outline? i really enjoy your thoughts on the characters and the abandoned plotlines, i'd love to get a little more of an in depth look at how you wish it went down.

Yeah sure!

For those who aren't sure what the hell I'm talking 'bout, please check out my blog and the various essays I've been writing.

Some of it is contingent on stuff I kind of still need to reread so I'm really sorry to the alpha kid likers but I'm still not totally 100% sure where I want to take them. I'm also going to include quite a few personal preference ships; I'm not interested in arguing what other people should ship or about arguing about the course of action for my dumb fanfic in general. I also tend to discover the plot I want while I'm writing it, which I don't have the luxury of here, so... some of it is going to be kind of sloppy. I'm also a big troll stan so unfortunately the kids are a little bit neglected (sorry!!!!). That said.

So the changes would take place directly after GAME OVER, which is personally the point at which I think the truncation/turning on the fanbase really starts - ships start to get turbo-sped at that point. I'm not even saying I dislike JohnRoxy or JohnRezi, but they just feel oddly rushed the way they're handled in the comic itself. IMO, anyway.

There's not too much I would rearrange during this interstitial segment; I think it's important for Jade to have the experience of loneliness, for Terezi to kick off the retcons by only feeling comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Moreover, there's no reason why other characters can't use her mind beacon abilities to ask John to rearrange the timeline, though their attempts, because they aren't backed by Seer of Mind abilities, are a lot sloppier and come with a lot more unforseen consequences.

But something I would change is that Roxy's deal with Nyx is not to just kind of... sit back and chill in non-space while John does all the work; instead, like Rose in Davesprite's timeline, Nyx puts her to sleep, and when the timeline ceases to be, GameOver!Roxy's memories get transferred to Past!Roxy via her dreamself (which wakes up early), fulfilling a "stealing from void for others" aspect of her abilities, and leads to some important interactions later on down the line.

Also, this timeline's ARquiussprite and Gamzee's corpse (heretofore referred to as (ARquiussprite) and (Gamzee)) need to come along for the ride somehow. Maybe they fall through the sky after LOLAR crashes into LOFAF.

This kicks off a series of retcons, as each troll that gets brought back successively asks for another troll/set of trolls to be brought back. This absolutely RIDDLES Act 5 with password pages, can't go two steps without running into a password page, there are password pages within password pages (which IMO is very funny and very Homestuck).

Meanwhile, a couple other plots are running concurrently - the GameOver!crew (heretofore referred to as (Name)) are now in the dream bubbles, completing their character arcs and preparing to defeat LE. Because time and space are weird in the Furthest Ring, every successive meteor trip that occurs as a result of John's retcons is the first time from the point of view of the meteor, but is a repeating event from the point of view of the people in the bubbles - eg those dead god tier Eridan and Feferi wind up healing the Mayor like seven times from their perspective.

(Aradia) is fluttering her ASS off to make sure everyone is in the right "place" at the right "time" for this, lmfao.

Roxy gaining future memories also means that the Alpha kids get to complete their arcs in a way they weren't able to prior to Game Over. Because what John's retcons are doing are functionally whiting out and redrawing the past, the Alpha kids are also only seeing a single linear timeline.

One last arc, which is running concurrent to the retconned!trolls and their new meteor trips, is that bringing back each successive character allows them ALL to grow a little more. So it is NOT like they bring back Vriska, and now everyone's problem are fixed and everything is fine; Vriska's still kind of awful, but she gets better after Tavros gets brought back and they have to character develop alongside each other, and same when Aradia and Sollux get brought back, so on and so on. Because it's about BEING FRIENDS and BEING A TEAM. They're all still having interpersonal problems right up until ALL of them get brought back.

But as a side effect of this and the questing done by the GameOver!crew, the Dancestors get more fully utilized as foils, and get their problems addressed. As the retcon!team goes through their character development, they start to tear the Dancestors apart, because the Dancestors represent shitty parents who force their kids to clean up after their messes, and refuting them works both literally and symbolically as rejecting their irresponsible way of being in lieu of responsibility, accountability, empathy, and compassion.

So here's the series of retcons, and the absolute bullshit that accompanies each decision:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent herself from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Pretty much just what her canon iteration asked for; I don't see any problems with the actions she asks John to do for her.

HOWEVER, we'd get more than just a montage of Vriska's time on the meteor, because in this version of events, we're taking our time and letting plot points breathe. Neither does she magically fix everything just by being around when she's very much herself still going thru it by the time the Meteor trip pops off. In any case, she brings with her some new complications:

Karkat still winds up having to play moirail and keep Gamzee calm. This still ends up breaking down by the halfway point of the comic, because they're kind of just not good for each other, but Karkat's personal shitty relationships are going to become A Theme, so it's important to make note of it here.

Vriska and Terezi don't fully make up on this iteration of the trip, since from Terezi's point of view, she was still actively about to kill Vriska before John intervened; however, we get more hints, now that they have to spend three years together, that not only does Vriska really miss Terezi (which is pretty well-established, given how she can't seem to leave Terezi alone), but Terezi actually misses Vriska, too - she's just really bad at separating her own feelings and desires from her instinctive grasp of karma and justice, a very Mind player-type problem to have.

At least with Vriska around, Terezi's able to nip her Gamzee habit in the bud, but this kind of leads to Gamzee feeling worse and more alone.

Something Really Messy happens between Vriska, Rose, and Kanaya when Rose starts her drinking habit, and it's pretty toxic for all involved, and Karkat is kind of stuck playing auspice. Vriska already expresses not liking Rose much and develops some flushed feelings for Kanaya after being watching her murder Eridan, so "It's Really Messy" is kind of all I can say on the matter. The girls are fightiiinnnnggggg

Dave and Terezi get close again, but given the weirdo vibes he notices between her and Vriska, and the fact that he's really not down with quadrants (YET.), means they still end up not getting together.

Sorry DaveKat likers but I am not one. They do not ever get together, so if you are hoping for that, I am sorry and you don't have to keep reading if you don't want to, it's OK.

On a note about Vriska and Terezi - personally, I do think their moirallegiance is endgame; Vriska clearly misses her terribly, constantly trying to bug her into making the Scourge Sisters a Thing again, and she even expresses feeling really bad about the Team Charge Debacle to Terezi explicitly, before directly foreshadowing how awful Terezi will feel after killing Vriska:

AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer! AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in. AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!! AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is! AG: You'll seeeeeeee!

We know that she starts using 8's where they don't make sense phonetically when she gets really agitated, so it's pretty safe to say that she's displaying genuine emotional distress here. When combined with the way she tells John about feeling absolutely horri8le about killing Tavros, it's pretty clear she's genuine about feeling really bad about the Team Charge debacle, and sincere about wanting to somehow make amends and get back into Terezi's good graces, at times trying rivalry, at times trying to prove that she's trying to fix her mistakes.

Terezi also vehemently denies them having a kismesistude and directly mirrors Vriska's hesitance about all the murder:

GC: W3 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO R3V3L 1N BLOODSH3D 4S W3 GROW UP GC: 4ND SH3 S33MS TO B3 3MBR4C1NG H3R R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 W1TH R3CKL3SS 4B4NDON, 4S 1 WOULD 3XP3CT GC: GR4BB1NG TH3 BULL BY TH3 HORNS, SO TO SP34K GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 1NT1M1D4T1NG GC: B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M R34DY FOR TH4T

AG: On my world, I would 8e completely vindic8ed for killing him! He is far lower on the hemospectrum than me. He managed to disrespect me time and time again, 8ut I kept letting him live! In fact, the amount of slack I cut him would 8e considered scandalous 8y those in my class. AG: I had every reason to kill him. And yet... AG: I feel 8ad a8out it like a lame weak fudge8lood, just like he was. AG: And the fact that I feel 8ad is why I'm sort of freaking out right now!

They're basically two toxic girls who CANNOT be honest with their real feelings, and wind up hurting each other. They need therapy badly, but given the fact that they also mirror each other positively - Terezi feels grateful to Vriska for blinding her, and Vriska mentions she ought to thank Terezi for killing her, which set her up on a date with the dead John Terezi also killed - I think they have a lot of potential to be genuinely kind to each other once they work through their individual issues.

Anyway. We're keeping the Roxy stuff under wraps for now - last we saw of her, she went to go see her denizen, and her planet exploded, and John was really bummed about it. HOWEVER, we are going to check in with our GameOver!crew, although only lightly for now:

Meenah and (Vriska) have fully disappeared, and (Tavros), (Nepeta), and (Feferi) are looking for them because they've got the FUCKING TREASURE???

Everyone else from the Game Over timeline has landed in the afterlife, to varying degrees.

Shortly after entering the afterlife, (Eridan) fucked off somewhere to be alone. Last anyone heard from him was (ghost!Sollux) and him being Erisolsprite, but neither (ghost!Sollux) nor (alive!Sollux) have seen him since Erisolsprite died in Game Over.

(Karkat) is also brooding off on his own, feeling really shitty and sorry for himself. He's always felt personally responsible for everything going wrong for his team, and now that his team is basically entirely dead, he feels extra shitty.

Mostly just setting up that these guys are still relevant to the story, despite now being (irrelevant).

That brings us to the second retcon. Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros is back.

Vriska's requested fix is a very simple one - after all, Karkat makes mention about how Vriska's always had a competitive streak with Terezi, admiring/being jealous of her ability to manipul8 people; I think an ultimate culmination of that is her insisting that insisting to John that he do a retcon to stop her from killing Tavros - which, as covered above, she regrets greatly - but to do a much sloppier job of it, simply having John pop into [S] Wake and knock Tavros the fuck out.

Vriska herself doesn't believe this will have any unintended side effects, because her opinion of Tavros is still really low despite her genuine desire to make amends, and she's wrong.

Tavros's stay on the meteor has a major effect on Gamzee. I'm not entirely sure how it would pan out exactly, but I think Gamzee would step in between Dave and Tavros, into a situation none of them are happy with. This starts Tavros on a path of realizing that his inability to stand up for himself not only hurts him, but people he cares about (Gamzee, whom he ghosted).

Vriska is mostly uninterested in Tavros now, as the moment has kind of passed, and Terezi keeps getting on her ass about going after him (which brings the two of them closer).

Previous Messy romantic situations are still active. Karkat is going thru it.

Dave feels bad about tormenting Tavros but he kind of can't help himself, especially because Tavros keeps going up to him for some reason. The fact that he gets trapped in an auspice with Tavros and Gamzee kind of reinforces that he does NOT vibe with troll quadrants. Dave becomes MORE xenophobic.

On a note regarding Gamzee and Tavros: while I generally try to avoid relying on Hussie's commentary too much, as he likes to play his cards close to his chest, his note about Gamzee in the Act 5 book is actually significant enough to me to include:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-out lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

Hussie likes to play coy, and you can't really trust anything he says after Act 6 because he's fed up with the fandom, but I think this comment comes early enough, and is made assertively enough, that it can be taken at face value. I know that "Soft Gamzee" is actually extremely popular in the fandom, so this may be controversial, but I do think there's more evidence for him being kind of nasty and manipulative than not, and having that always be a part of him brings more cohesiveness to his character. For example, he seems to have a pale crush on Karkat, trying to assert that Karkat is his best friend and changing the topic when Sollux gets brought up and he recognizes Karkat is closer to Sollux than him, and if you read his first log with Terezi as if he's hiding being nasty under a soft veneer, then his comments do read as pretty passive-aggressive.

TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh... ... TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS? TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

Maybe most damningly, his narration calls dealing with Eridan's genuine emotional distress "indulge emotional theatrics," an implication of his true feelings. Karkat and Eridan are heavily foreshadowed to be moirails, and Gamzee seems to have a pale crush on Karkat. What does Gamzee do in this conversation? He chases Eridan away from comforting Karkat - using the same excuse as he uses to avoid dealing with Vriska.

CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

Moreover, he does NOT seem to like Jack comforting Karkat instead, either.

THIS IS NOT TO SAY I DON'T THINK GAMZEE ALSO DESERVES A SHOT AT KINDNESS AND REDEMPTION. Gamzee is clearly a very troubled youth, between his absentee lusus, his indoctrination into a fundie doomsday cult, and his sopor usage. The fact that having his faith shattered by Dave makes him snap implies that, one, he was already unstable and teetering on the edge, and having his faith fucked with was the last straw, and two, that until he lost that last shred of hope, he was still pretending to be nicer than he was for a reason, and given that his LE worship doesn't start up until after the snappage, I think it can be extrapolated that that reason is that he genuinely wants to get along with his friends.

Given that Gamzee's issues largely stem from his neglectful lusus, it's not a stretch to say that Gamzee does not take well to abandonment and isolation. So here's kind of where Tavros comes in:

Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. I call it interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. Moreover, in their first conversation together, Gamzee explicitly praises Tavros for his "gumption" for stealing his clown nose, when Tavros's avoidance of his problems is one of his biggest personal issues. So yeah, personally, I'm all for moirallegiance.

But Tavros started ghosting him after Gamzee offered to make out a little, another symptom of his avoidance issues. I'm sure that, even in this meteor trip, the fact that Gamzee killed Equius and Nepeta really scares him. In his conversation with Terezi, Terezi outright says "NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU"; Equius is constantly yelling at him; lots of people on their team seem to genuinely just sort of dislike him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

So having one of the few people he does really like also ghost him probably did... bad things to his mental health. Especially so when said person wound up dead. But now that he isn't dead, I think they have a shot - they just need to address their personal problems. Tavros with his avoidance, and Gamzee with his resentment toward the world, and reliance on substances and religion to take the edge off. In this meteor iteration, that doesn't quite happen - their toxic auspicetism succeeds in letting them air out their dirty laundry to the audience, but doesn't bring full reconciliation.

In any case, this meteor trip is fairly short, and uneventful from the dream bubbles side, although I do think Tavros should get a talking-to from (Tavros) about real self-esteem and self-worth.

Still, being back in contact with Tavros again, even if in kind of a messed-up way, does make Gamzee start to reconsider some of his past actions. This brings us to:

Gamzee Asks for Equius and Nepeta back.

Gamzee's not as nice as he lets on, but he does genuinely care about his teammates, and for the people he really cares about, like Karkat or Tavros, I think he's willing to stick his neck out. Bringing back Nepeta and Equius is more for Tavros than himself, really, because Tavros is scared of him for doing that, and he motherfuckin' misses Tavros, okay? John mostly agrees because he's kind of scared of Gamzee.

Some really fun stuff starts happening this go around.

The Gamzee-Tavros situation becomes resolved because this time, Equius steps in as an auspice between Tavros and Dave, and this auspicetism is COMPLETELY HEALTHY (with the bonus of being extremely funny, and what is the point of a Homestuck ship if it is not deeply funny).

Gamzee and Tavros are able to enter into a totally healthy moirallegiance once the auspicetism builds up Tavros's self-confidence, much to Karkat's relief.

Being stuck in the auspicetism makes Dave go crawling back to Terezi on his hands and knees. I'm sorry, Terezi. I'll do anything if you take me back. Just don't let me die as the guy stuck in a threesome with the two worst trolls. Dave has overcome his xenophobia.

Dave and Terezi becoming official does make Karkat sad, however, so when Nepeta finally works up the courage to confess to him, he accepts the offer to date her, thus fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date him after she dies.

They also break up. We're keeping up this trend of Karkat and his disastrous relationships. He's still involved in the Rose/Kanaya/Vriska drama, too.

With GamTav and Dave/Tavros/Equius cinched, Tavros and Vriska reach a sort of truce with each other. Not really friends, since they kind of still dislike each other, but Vriska would genuinely be glad to see Tavros getting more actually confident, and muster up the energy to genuinely apologize for almost killing him, so there's a sort of mutual respect there now. Vriska and Terezi are even closer because of this, but still not fully over their problems.

On the topic of the Dave/Tavros/Equius auspicetism: Dave still can't stop bothering Tavros, but the lewdness of it sets Equius off, so he feels like he has to intervene. Dave also can't stop himself from bothering Equius, which ALWAYS BACKFIRES, and since Tavros has a weird fondness/rivalry with Dave, he'd find it within himself to ask Equius to back off (which would work, because of Equius's... Equius). And every time Equius gets too overbearing toward Tavros, Dave feels COMPELLED to intervene, because he's like, my fucking god, you are the two worst trolls, why must weirdos fight. Dave desperately wants out, but he can't stop staring at these two.

And weirdly enough, it's beneficial for all of them. With two people to yell at him for being weird, Equius becomes less weird. With a rival in Dave and more contact with Equius, Tavros becomes more confident. And Dave has two people to rap against and feel good about his art with, something he more or less had to deal with alone during previous trips.

On the topic of Karkat and Nepeta, there are quite a few implications that they wouldn't necessarily work out. For citations, let me just link my Nepeta essay, where I go over what the comic says about their relationship from a storytelling perspective; here, I'll talk about their relationship from a more interpersonal perspective.

Karkat's signals are mixed as fuuuuuuck. While I don't necessarily think this will be an issue for Nepeta, as - as a Heart player - she's preternatually gifted at understanding motivations, the thing is... I think Nepeta can do better, and deserves better, a sentiment echoed by Jasprosesprite^2. She certainly deserves better than being second to Terezi, at the very least, even if she states she likes his outbursts.

And the thing is, Karkat is pretty explicit about saying that he doesn't return her feelings; in a world where they date, there's always going to be a sense that she's his second choice. And, just... my girl deserves better, okay? Moreover, while he respects her personhood, he's also pretty nasty to her when he DOES talk to her, implying he doesn't necessarily respect her choices. And also, she's actually really bad at shipping, so there will be this extremely weird tension of like... a hobbyist vs. a professional. I don't think Karkat would be able to stop himself from mocking some of her shipping choices if she ever opened up to him about that.

But I think them getting together is important for Nepeta, developmentally - I talk about this in my essay for her, but shipping is something I think she does need to outgrow, since it's kind of a replacement she's using for her loneliness. Moreover, I say in that essay that the issues she has in her moirallegiance with Equius warrant relationship counselling - and that's what Karkat is uniquely qualified to dispense, as the team's Blood player. Although they end up not working out, Nepeta would take several valuable lessons from this relationship - that she's kind of bad at shipping, that Equius is being kind of a shithead to her, and that she needs to start making friends with other people.

Now then. We're finally getting into some drama in the bubbles.

Please imagine for me Equius and Horuss talking, and Equius being aghast at the way Horuss is so derisive towards his matesprit and moirail. Now imagine him pulling a mic out of nowhere and rapping at him about how his problem is that he does not respect his partners. Now imagine Tavros and Dave joining in, also out of nowhere, with Tavros adding bars about how the hemospectrum is, not a good thing, he thinks. And Dave adding bars about how he does not have a fucking dog in this race. He's not even a troll. He doesn't understand their hemospectrum. Let him out of here. The fine fucking art of Alternian slam poetry. I think Horuss would start crying. So would I if three people including my grandkid started rapping at me.

Nepeta's uncanny emotional acumen leads to her wanting to befriend Damara, but being unable to speak her language.

GameOver!crew is up to something, IDK, probably showing (Tavros) inspiring people and rebuilding the ghost army, to tell a parallel story to Tavros becoming more genuinely self-confident.

We check in with the Alpha kids, too, who have some group therapy sessions led by Roxy.

Vriska and Tavros confront Rufioh together, a final culmination of their no-longer-enemiesship, and together, they steal Rufioh's ones. Like, Tavros starts speak1ng w1th ones, something he always had in him, and they also roast Rufioh so badly that he stops speaking in ones. But the way it's presented to the audience, Vriska outright just says that Tavros should steal his ones. And Tavros does. This carries over to successive retcons, as it's implied that Tavros just kind of starts naturally being more confident as healthy relationships are established sooner and sooner.

Anyway, a final note about Equius - his problems are mostly due to being sheltered. Although he is probably the most casteist highblood, he's not really that casteist, as what's really going on is just that he's got a BDSM kink. But because he's sheltered, he does not realize that it's a kink. And a fetishist who does not realize that they're a fetishist has more power than God.

His protectiveness of Nepeta does come from a good place; preventing her from playing FLARP was actually in her best interest, given what happens to people who play FLARP. But he's very much going overboard with it, likely an extension of his own lack of understanding of how much sheltering is good and how much becomes detrimental. What he really needs is for someone to point it out to him, which I think he gets via Nepeta or via Karkat, and then have a reaaaaally long think about it. He's genuinely a polite and helpful soul, who doesn't WANT to make people uncomfortable. The auspicetism is very good for him in this regard, as is his moirallegiance once Karkat talks him and Nepeta through their issues.

The point is, once he's forced to reckon with the fact that the degeneracy is coming from inside the house, I think he'd have a LOT of regrets about the way he treated Aradia. Which leads us to:

Whoops That Robot Thing Was Really Inappropriate Huh

Equius approaches John to ask him to make Past!Equius reconsider the Aradiabot Thing. John's getting kind of impatient with all these trolls who keep asking him to go back through time, but given that everyone seems a little happier each time, he can't help but agree.

So he goes back to the past, before Equius can give Aradia her robot body with the love chip in it, and something really fun gets to happen here: first of all, Equius's Void status makes him really hard to place, so John winds up missing by a bit, time-wise, so Aradia's already in the body. This is the first time that retconning!John and Aradia have been in the same place together, and when she meets him and finds out that he can time travel without causing paradoxes, she demands (with her Aradiabot deathmurderkill intensity) to be taken back in time to before she died.

John's retcon powers explicitly ignore the usual rules of paradox space - he describes it as a "fresh start". Given that Breath is associated with choices and freedom, his retcon powers are kind of the ultimate culmination of his abilities as a breath player. Although doomed timelines can and will still result from paradoxes caused by players when John isn't there, anything he directly interferes with is totally a-okay.

So all Aradiabot asks him for is passage back in time, in order to sanction her interference in the past. After she dismisses him, she still more or less has to adhere to events in the original timeline, for two reasons - the first being that she doesn't want to risk a new doomed timeline, and the second so she can keep the timeline predictable.

So even though she's basically asked for passage to the time period before SGRUB, it's basically outright stated that the progression of events has to be more or less the same, up until the point where John's other retcons take place. So here are the cascading effects of Aradiabot preventing her own death:

Aradiabot takes Aradia's place in the Team Charge debacle, being blown up/"killed" (as a sprite) by Sollux's eye beams, so that she can take Aradia's place as Doc Scratch/the Handmaiden's servant and "carry out" their orders.

Meanwhile, Aradia seeks refuge with Equius, whose void powers keep her hidden from Doc Scratch's omnipotence.

Because Sollux never actually killed Aradia, and Aradia communicates with him via Equius's account, Sollux is less depressed and self-loathing. He no longer predicts a future where all of them die and he has to be blinded. It's left deliberately vague whether this future comes to pass because he's less pessimistic, so his Mage powers are calling a happier future into being, or if his future changed, so his Mage powers are prophesying something new.

Nepeta starts regaining memories of alternate timelines and past retcons, as an extension of her Rogue of Heart powers. This includes the relationship counselling she received from Karkat.

Between Nepeta and Aradia yelling at him, Equius's character development starts sooner, so he's squared away for future events, and ends up not making the creepy Aradiabot, making a non-creepy one instead.

Aradia and Equius do not strike up a relationship, and become uneasy enemies/friends.

Aradia secretly god tiers well in advance of Jack's arrival, and meets him at Derse rather than awakening on her crypt there.

Aradia and Sollux continue a loving matespritship, leading to Sollux settling into a moirallegiance with Feferi. He's devastated when she dies, which still happens along with the rest of Eridan's freakout; Aradiabot doesn't intervene because she's needed for:

Aradiabot winds up being the one to sacrifice herself piloting the meteor, allowing Sollux to stay with the rest of the team when he meets up with Aradia, (Aradia), and (Sollux) at the Green Sun. Aradiabot winds up with the GameOver!crew.

With the 1337 hackers back in commission, Sollux and Roxy are able to establish a server connection with each other, allowing them to communicate during the 3-year meteor trip.

Aradia involves herself in the Rose/Kanaya/Vriska Mess, and I kind of can't decide what I like better - a vascillatory pitch/flush threeway between Rose, Kanaya, and Vriska, now that Vriska's near the end of her character development, with Aradia serving as a stabilizing force as Kanaya's on-again off-again moirail, or Aradia stepping in as an auspice. Either way, it's out of Karkat's hands.

This has a knock-on effect of finally giving Vriska the chance to fully make amends with Aradia, which winds up cinching the Vriska/Terezi moirallegiance. The scourge sisters are back baybee. And between a healthy moirallegiance for Terezi and a healthy moirallegiance for Gamzee, I think pitch Terezi/Gamzee could work as a healthy ship this time around. I'm not married to it, but they did always seem to hate each other well before SGRUB.

Nepeta has LEARNED HER LESSON regarding dating Karkat, so that does not happen.

Karkat now has no quadrants. He winds up desperately throwing himself at Sadstuck Sollux to try and help him get over his breakup. It's not a good look. Sadkat. He also takes up talking to the alpha kids for emotional support, which puts them off, too. Still gives really good relationship advice. He's clearly one of the more unstable members of the retcon!crew at this point.

We're light on the dream bubble drama this time around because of how MUCH is happening for the retcon!crew, but there's going to be a reference in there of Nepeta learning East Beforan.

SO. NOTES TIME.

Aradia expresses outright that she hated the feeling that she was set up and that she wishes someone would have stopped her from being so reckless. And although she seems to find some satisfaction in being the stewardess of the afterlife, there's clearly some resentment there that she's been forced into that role, as she expresses that what she's really looking forward to is watching it all break apart. There's also kind of an orphaned plot thread where Aradia is spending a lot of time in the afterlife putting knowledge together, which never really directly pays off except to the audience, and I think a really good way to bring that back in would be for her to be communing with (Aradia) in the dream bubbles in order to make sure the timeline flows as smoothly as possible.

As for Aradia/Kanaya - they're actually really good friends, and Aradia expresses that she's flattered that Kanaya wants to talk to her so much. There is a tone here that matches the way Vriska thinks about Kanaya when Kanaya is still ostensibly Vriska's moirail, and Kanaya herself admits to being attracted to people who are reckless. In fact...

AA: i just wish AA: back when i was behaving recklessly AA: i had s0me0ne t0 tell me t0 st0p listening AA: even if i ended up ign0ring their advice AA: it w0uld have been nice

GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It Seems

So I'm just kind of saying... Aradia and Kanaya moirallegiance... is not entirely unfounded. And a moirail stabilizes a troll's other relationships; if we have a moirail for Kanaya and a moirail for Vriska, then the Mess that is whatever's going on with Kanaya, Vriska, and Rose would probably resolve itself, I think. Either way, Rose is surrounded by SUCH a girl's night of emotional support to help her with sobriety now.

As for whatever's going on between her and Equius, I tend to believe the comic when it tells me relationships don't work out, and Aradia expresses regret for kissing him during the Ministrife. I think they could be good vitriolic frenemies, though.

Okay, onto Sollux.

In the same panel where Eridan and Karkat are implied to be "hatched for each other" pale-wise, Feferi and Sollux are foreshadowed in the same way:

They also spend a LOT OF TIME curled up in a pile together talking about their feelings, which we don't see with matesprits, but we DO see with moirails. Nepeta and Equius do the same thing, and they are kind of THE moirails. So I think Sollux and Feferi were always meant to be pale, but because Aradia died, Sollux wound up taking Feferi on as a matesprit instead. Between EriFef, SolFef, and GamTav, people getting flushed and pale feelings entangled is like, a Running Thing, so it's not really surprising to me.

Now, here's the thing. We already know that Sollux likes to cope with a rebound, since he went flushed with Feferi after Aradiabot exploded and was presumed dead. And Karkat cares very fucking much about Sollux, to the point where Gamzee speculates that he's actually Karkat's best friend, and Karkat even calls him that (although Karkat also kind of just calls anyone his best friend, lol).

CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

This crab's got so much love in him. In any case, I mostly just want to keep sticking Karkat in these extremely unhealthy relationships for a while. It makes it sweeter when he finally winds up with Eridan LIKE HE WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO... but yeah.

Cross-session communication is also entirely possible, as Sollux set up chat clients between the trolls and the kids in the first place, and even without that, Kanaya found Rose's old GameFAQs on a server in the Furthest Ring. With both Sollux and Roxy on the case, there's no way they can't somehow establish communications way sooner.

Regarding Nepeta regaining her memories, let me once more point you towards the Nepeta essay. She's on track to become the one who attains Ultimate Selfhood, and comforts people like Jade and John about not really knowing their friends or being lonely.

But yeah, obviously Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back.

F-EF-ERI!!!! 38D

Mostly Sollux just asks to be prevented from provoking Eridan so harshly. Eridan still winds up blowing up the matriorb, and thus, still getting killed by Kanaya in retribution, but this means that Eridan is now the only member of the team left dead.

PITCH FEFNEP. PITCH FEFNEP. PITCH FEFNEP

Pitch FefNep leads to Feferi letting slip something casteist where Sollux can hear; he doesn't personally care because he's heard much worse, but puts them on a break while she sorts herself out. They get back together after that.

Karkat alone :'( he's mostly just talking to the alpha kids at this point, trying to hide from all the happy fucking relationships happening all around him.

If the last retcon was really heavy on the retcon!crew, then this one is much more about what's happening in the bubbles. We get most of our dancestor development this go around. Do not read if you like the dancestors! I go very in-depth about how most of them are horrible people on purpose here, so their arcs are mostly about them being pulled up on their abject awfulness.

Nepeta, who has learned East Beforan, is able to talk to Damara and have an earnest heart-to-heart with her about how awfully she was treated. They hug and cry. Damara, finally validated, gives everyone a big middle finger.

Feferi heals Mituna's brain injury, because literally why the FUCK has nobody else done that. Now once more in control of his faculties, he breaks up with Latula, pissed off that she took advantage of him all those eons to boost her own ego. He also gives everyone a big middle finger. Damara steals her skateboard and high fives Mituna.

Porrim's basically the only dancestor who grew as a person so I think she mostly escapes unscathed.

Latula gets chased around by Sollux and Aradia, who basically just bully her for being bad at games. This is a date to them.

Gamzee completely refutes Kurloz, with his newfound clarity about the real miracle being friendship and the real dark carnival being the world he and his friends will build, not that LE noise.

In a double team between Terezi and Rose, Meulin gets eviscerated for the way her own Issues have made her ships deliberately awful, that she could have simply Not, and she has a bit of a breakdown.

As Feferi is grappling with her privilege and internalized casteism, Cronus wanders up to try and hit on her, and she goes "oh my god... when people look at me, are you what they see? A friendless loser that nobody likes? A total waste of seawater who's only pretending to be cool with the lower castes? A totally fake poser? 38(" Cronus just goes "..." and starts crying and Feferi ends the convo oblivious to that, just going "wow... thanks for talking with me! really gave me a lot to think about" imagine how funny it would be -

Karkat finds and talks to (Eridan), where he fully admits to missing the guy. His mopiness is so extreme that (Eridan) takes issue with it and punches him, before basically yelling at him to get his shit together. Karkat then yells at HIM for him to get HIS shit together, and they both leave, intent on getting their shit together.

We also get an update on Vriska and Meenah at this point, where Meenah is starting to seem more into how they totally ditched their responsibilities than Vriska is.

So the thing with this update is that most of the trolls have sorted their shit out; even Karkat has had a lot of introspection about how he really just fucking loves his friends and should have been more honest about it, not worried so much about appearing weak or lame. With the double Aradias in play to kind of handwave that the timeline will be stable because they're ensuring all loops get completed and all necessary conversations happen, and with everyone's successful relationships on display, we can kind of truncate the next leg of the journey:

Karkat Fixes Everything

Karkat is the Friendship Troll. Karkat is the Romance Troll. Karkat is the Bonds troll. He is their team's Blood player, and as the Blood player, he's been shown to deeply love all of his fucking friends - yes, even the assholes. Maybe even especially them.

As such, it's vitally important for the last push - last leg of the journey - to belong to Karkat. Where would our Blood player be without his bonds? Well, we actually have the answer to that. It's knocked out and prevented from joining in any of the important boss battles. LAME!

So in the last retcon, Karkat hears from Nepeta about the retcons that have been happening, and he really starts digging through his own past. If every retcon so far has been each troll only feeling comfortable undoing their own personal mistakes, then what of the guy who feels personally responsible for everything, all the time, forever?

Look, I'm not saying that a shipping chart saves Homestuck, but... by the time this last retcon is through, every Alternian troll is alive and god tiered. And he is dating Eridan.

If you have any questions about him dating Eridan, please refer to the link above. That essay is nearly as long as this one. There's SO MUCH FUCKING FORESHADOWING.

I don't think the god tiering needs to be explained, because if we hear that Karkat basically made his past self a shipping chart, and we've seen everybody's character development as they've gone through this journey, and we have Aradias on timeline duty and Nepeta with memories of past retcons and her alternate selves, I think we can more or less gloss over exactly how they go about earning their wings while maintaining timeline integrity. The important thing is that Karkat is dating Eridan now.

Because that leads to the last few bits of dream bubble stuff, but before we get into that...

Miscellaneous Plot Things That Need To Happen But I Don't Know Where To Put Them

Yeah there's just some ideas that I have floating around that need to be placed somewhere but IDK exactly where, or exactly how they shake out.

Hal becomes a real boy. And by that I mean as part of their character development, Jake makes Hal "real" a la brain ghost Dirk, and then the rest of them have to scramble against the clock (Jake's ability to maintain Hal's realness) to god tier him and make his existence permanent. He's a Sylph of Mind, which allows him to negate Condy's mind control. And maybe a GCATboy?

(Tavros) becomes the new leader of the ghost army.

Davesprite winds up dead at some point in the bubbles and doesn't explain how he died, but he and (Dave) get to fight each other and hash out their Realness and Relevance issues, before facing their final boss fight as bros once more.

Jade and Nepeta get to talk, and Nepeta gives Jade the reassuring speech about Ultimate Selfhood and how she won't be lonely forever. Maybe it's flushed. Might leave it ambiguous.

Somebody needs to auspicetize Dirk and Jake holy shit. Dunno who. Maybe Karkat, but I kind of like him pitch with Dirk, so IDK really.

Dad needs to die. Sorry Dad. If I can find a way to kill off all of the sprites besides ARquiusprite, I will. It's explicitly stated that sprites are drawn to the battlefield during the Reckoning, presumably to die, as part of the coming-of-age themes - losing one's guardians. It's sad but it's gotta happen.

All the Godtier!Calliope stuff basically happens as-is.

Can you tell I need to do more research on the alpha kids...

Ok Back To Karkat And Eridan

I think I'm going to leave their moirallegiance fairly ambiguous, but when Eridan is brought back, he and Karkat are basically together all the time. Karkat's signals are mixed even on the best of days, so I don't know how easy it'll be to tell that these two assholes slinging death threats at each other are pale, but *I* will know, and that's what matters.

This leads to the last two dancestor takedowns:

Karkat and Eridan (mostly Eridan) round on Kankri. Eridan calls him SO MANY SLURS. The fact that Karkat not only condones this, but is DATING ERIDAN, kind of makes Kankri lose it a bit.

(Karkat) and (Eridan), who have reconciled in the bubbles, finally find (Vriska) and Meenah. (Karkat) gives the two of them the speech that retcon!Vriska gave (Vriska) in the comic's original ending, but this time around, (Vriska) actually agrees with him. This serves as a conclusion to (Karkat) and Meenah's arc, and causes Meenah to feel so bad that she walks back to the other dancestors in shame, as (Vriska) leaves with him with the treasure to finally fight LE.

When Meenah returns to the dancestors, the first one she finds is Aranea, who's really sad about her own little escapade, blaming herself for the way Game Over went. This prompts Meenah to go, no, it was probably my fault, shouldn't have let you run off like that. And this would, from all the sobbing dancestors, prompt a string of "no, I'm the reason we failed"s, eventually culminating in Meenah rallying them together to do one last good thing before everyone gets sucked into the black hole and go join the fight against LE. Everyone agrees.

(Gamzee) is revived by the life players and cursed with immortality, so he can go on to become LE and complete that time loop. He is immediately locked in the fridge. This is also why he can't fucking die no matter what you do to him.

This also leads us into the final boss fights.

VS. CONDY

The twelve trolls. The Condesce represents tyranny, the worst aspects of the trolls' old society, and as such, is most thematically taken down by them. While she did fuck up the alpha kids' lives, too, I just personally think it's so much more thematic and satisfying to watch her be beaten down by the trolls.

VS. THE THREE JACKS

The eight kids plus Hal plus Davesprite. With Bec Noir specifically, it's fucking PERSONAL, as this guy killed their parents. This is where Dave fulfils his destiny of killing an iteration of English with his sword, when he decapitates Jack English; the person in the middle of that sandwich is Davesprite, which is how he dies and winds up in the bubbles. The iteration of Jack that survives to date Ms. Paint is Spades Slick, as he's the most sympathetic out of all of them and didn't kill anybody's parents.

At some point during this fight, I like the idea that they get zapped away by Jack English, John zaps them to the Godtier!Caliborn fight where he gets sealed in the juju, and then we cut back to the fight with Jack English, where, inexplicably, they all zap right back in.

VS. THE FELT

The spares - ARquiussprite, (Gamzee) in the fridge (who has since been revived by the life players and blessed/cursed with eternal life so he can go on to fulfill his role in the timelines and become part of LE), Dad, and the other sprites (if any of them are left alive).

VS. LORD ENGLISH

The GameOver!crew, the ghost army, the dancestors (they have a Big Damn Heroes moment right near the end, buying Jake time to deploy the Weapon), Aradiabot, and Davesprite.

Jake fulfills his destiny to defeat the Lord of all Angels by being the one to deploy the weapon, which deposits the beta kids, who knock LE in to the black hole. They then zap out of there, collecting the alpha kids from after the Caliborn fight, and zap back to the fight with the Jacks.

This specific configuration of boss battles winds up leaving Lord English entirely up to dead characters, who are then implied to all eventually get sucked into the black hole - their memories to live on through the living characters via Ultimate Selfhood, which only Nepeta achieves on screen, but implies that they will all achieve eventually.

It's important to me that the GameOver!crew is the one leading the fight against Lord English, as they're the ones who were the most screwed over by LE and his machinations - manipulated into killing each other, used as servants of his will, dying ignobly in a doomed timeline filled with special stardust. Meanwhile, the retcon!kids and trolls prove what they've learned - about compassion, kindness, equality, and forgiveness - by beating the shit out of the Condesce, who represents the horrors of Alternia, and the Jacks, especially Bec Noir and Jack English - the latter of which is a shadow of what Lord English represents - immaturity, cruelty, hatred - and the former of which is a culmination of all the failures they committed to get to this point, a symptom of their universal cancer.

I wrote a little snippet of Aradia once, and I think I'll use that to end this essay:

(ARADIA): ok now that we are all done being stupid (ARADIA): im sure enough people here remember the plan that i dont need to explain it again (ARADIA): so instead i just wanted to say (ARADIA): leave your backs to us and face forward without fear (ARADIA): the dead and irrelevant will slay the demon of double death while you unmake the threats of the living (ARADIA): and personally i think it's very fitting that he will perish here as nothing more than a bad dream (ARADIA): this will be the last time we see each other (ARADIA): so on behalf of everyone that you are going to be leaving behind (ARADIA): live (ARADIA): and be happy!

[stellocchia]

Thinking of Secret Life SMP hybrid headcanons right now...

Grian would be a parrotlet. They're the smallest group of parrots and I feel like with how pathetic he's been this season he deserves to be just a little guy. He's still a pesky bird who, as season 6 proved, can definitely cause some mischief despite his reduced size, but he's a little guy anyway.

Jimmy is not a canary. Because, yes, he may have the canary curse, but that's just a fancy name for the curse, not necessarily his hybrid type. No, my man is a dog. He's a goddamn chihuahua. He's all bark and annoying but you take a single threatening step toward him and he shivers in fear.

On the topic of dogs, Martyn is a pomeranian. I'm specifically making him a small dog too because, despite wanting to act cool at the end of session 6, he is still very much the one who was first on yellow and red. My man is not big dog-coded.

Now, unpopular opinion, but Scar is a raccoon hybrid. He's a mischievous chaotic menace of a man. A little criminal ready to scam, commit arson, kill, and steal. He's a raccoon. He hasn't burrowed under anyone's house yet (that I remember at least) but that wouldn't be out of character either. Honestly, I'm appalled by the fact that this isn't a far more popular headcanon for him.

And, before I move on from dogs, Etho is also dog-coded. Specifically an Akbash (big white golden retriever-looking fuckers used for the protection of livestock). I just feel like the protectiveness and overall vibe fit him very well.

Finally, moving on from dogs. Cleo is obviously a zombie hybrid. There are no two ways around it. Though this does allow for my little headcanon that, having to learn on their own skin how to sew they became really good and really quick and they're the ones making all the new outfits for everyone else.

Gem meanwhile is specifically a sculk hybrid. Though I like to think that that came about when she opened the portal. She was a deer hybrid before (mostly because I like the subversion of expectations with a "prey" hybrid so to speak being arguably the most bloodthirsty person on the server) and then it spread like an infection. I figure by now her infected half straight-up looks something like Belos monster for from TOH:

Scott is something like a Reakirt’s Blue Butterfly. Both because the colors match him, and because he is kinda The Social Butterfly. My man is always out and about mingling with others. He's so friendly that he literally didn't struggle to pull off the "love you" challenge when everyone admitted that no one else would have been able to. It would be a waste not to make him some kind of butterfly at least.

Now, for Impulse I have something less reasoned, I just think the idea of him being an imp called Impulse is way too funny to resist. And he is way more of a mischievous one than I usually see people talk about. I've seen the phasmophobia stream where he killed everyone with the cursed items several times in a row just because he wanted to try them out. I know what he's capable of.

Meawhile his bestie Skizz is so capibara coded it's unreal. Like, don't get me wrong, he's plenty chaotic. But also you will never find anyone more lawful good in the Life Series than him. I've been thinking this since Love Island was founded. My man is the king of chilling with everyone. (Aside from Jimmy, rip Jimmy).

At the risk of being boring, I also like seeing Tango as a salamander hybrid. Exclusively because of the mythological connection between salamanders and fire. Also, the idea that every time he's flying (though it's funnier if it's also when he's simply jumping) he's nothing but a ball of fire with a lizard tail is very funny to me.

BigB is a hard one because I've only watched a couple of episodes from his POV so I'm not quite as familiar with the lore surrounding him as I am with the others. So I'm not sure. I want to say enderman because of his cryptid vibes this season, but he's not one of the characters with the biggest connection to the end. Those are mostly BDubs, Gem, and Lizzie, so I don't know. I'm open to suggestions.

Talking about BDubs, why are there no ender dragon hybrid headcanons for him around? I think it would be incredibly ironic if the dragon slayer was a dragon himself. Also, his house is under the Earth just like the End portals. Trust me, it makes so much sense. He's small but so full of righteous anger.

Pearl is no hybrid, she's literally just a witch. I've seen the WITCH animatic and that fundamentally changed my view of her forever. Before I would have said a moth hybrid of some kind because I do like moth Pearl, but I love that specific interpretation so much it's unreal. She is a witch with an army of hellhounds at her back and call.

Mumbo is a vampire because I've seen some art of vampire Mumbo at some point in time and it hasn't left my head since. Also, he's one of the players with the highest bloodlust every time he turns red. We're 2 for 2 on that with his appearances in the Life series. And it's usually also what leads to his demise. So I feel like that would be fitting for a vampire.

Meanwhile, my dearly beloved blorbo Joel is a honey-badger. This is a headcanon that is incredibly dear to me and I've never seen around but it's literally SO FITTING. The absolute crackhead energy, the lack of self-preservation, and the surprising sturdiness as time and time again he gets himself in impossible situations and still manages to survive until pretty much the end are all that exact honey-badger vibe. Like, just thinking of him summoning a hoard of zombies to fight off several infected and surviving for quite a while in those conditions just, really proves my point. Enough said.

Lizzie meanwhile is a very sad sopping wet cat. Just absolutely miserable. One of those cats who look like they're constantly grumpy. The frown has deepened ever since no one came to her party and she's still frowning in the void of death.

[bonefall]

I know you don’t rewrite arcs until they’re done, but I love hearing about your early ideas while I brood over how badly this arc has let me down. Do you have any like super vague ideas about Splashtail’s motivations yet? He’s like a way worse Hawkfrost in my mind, because they’re both very young cats who Are Just Evil. But Hawkfrost had a genuinely interesting backstory that the Erin’s simply fumbled, meanwhile Splashtail is a cartoonishly evil atheist. I feel nothing towards him, he’s not intimidating or interesting or even funny. Save me Bonefall save me (if I got something wrong please ignore it, these books are so disappointing my brain is making me forget them to protect itself.)

If it helps at all, I'm staying sane with the observation that Hawkfrost is a high charisma character making critical failure rolls, while Splashtail is a cringefail loser with no stats rolling nat20s. He becomes 50% more sufferable when you imagine a long, pungent pause after anything he says, broken only by the sound of an offscreen player tossing some dice. When the silence is broken, it's whatever NPC has been charmed speaking in the beleaguered voice of the dungeon master.

SO my early thoughts are shaping up to be that I'd like to do a slightly more serious version of that.

BB!Splashtail is the Clan equivalent of a 19-year-old, desperate for more power and respect in his society. In terms of his stats, he's promising but not outstanding. A decent fighter, a competent leader. Even in terms of lineage; his father is Sneezecloud, a respected trader and negotiator, but his mother is Havenpelt. An ex-rogue who has sworn to live by the ways of RiverClan.

Curlfeather is the one with the plans. She's the one with vision. Daughter of Reedwhisker, grandchild of Mistystar, with grand leaders like Bluestar, Oakheart, and Crookedstar in her past, greatness runs in her blood. Scandal, too-- but for some reason it's acceptable that her great-grandparents were codebreaking traitors.

Splashtail hates Curlfeather, but he can't get anywhere unless he tries to be her. He steals HER plans. He acts like SHE does. Manages to snatch power from her paws, and then has no idea what to do with it.

I'm thinking that I want his reign to be going smoothly at first, actually, going from a bit of a bossy jerk, to trying to enact Curlfeather's ambitions by launching fights and doing it badly, to active tyranny as he tries to keep control over RiverClan. Depending on how Star goes, I might have Berryheart make some kind of move to seize power over him.

At the core of how I see him though, is that Splashtail has no plan. His ideology leans Thistle Law... in a sort of dumbass 4Channer kind of way. He talks a big game about the glory of battle, but folds fast when his enemy can punch back. The only person he could successfully manipulate was a traumatized child. He will bring back pureblooded glory to the Clan, except his personal family of course

As for the Evil Atheism stuff... lol. Lmao, even. Not needed. If I need to make him a more powerful and serious danger, it's not going to come from the fact he's godless. If being an atheist gave you super murder powers, Bill Nye would have used them to obliterate half of the US government by now.

Depending on how the last book of ASC goes,

The Harelight kill is probably going to get changed to Hallowflight. Harelight watches his dad die, and Splashstar is drenched in the blood of one of RiverClan's most famous heroes. No turning back after that.

On that note I'd also make the fight longer and bloodier. A butchery of an execution showcasing Splashtail fighting like a beast and Hallowflight like a trained warrior.

I REAALLY want to make Splashtail's death a drowning. Curlfeather, demon she is now, finishes him off by dragging him under. To protect her daughter. They will have to do something VERY satisfying for me to not do this.

[lunawolfiefoxy]

Silly headcanons for LU boys!

Time: While he claims to fear nothing, if he saw Princess Ruto, he'd be running for the hills shouting "Not today demon!". He calls Malon "wifey" as his main pet name for her, but will also call her "Sweets" "darling" and "love"

Warriors: He's trans. Fight me on that. My guy has gotten the surgeries he can pay for, and he's happy about that. He also grew up in a more dangerous place so he knows a lot more than he lets on. He's an amazing pick-pocket and can, if he wanted to, stab you literally in the back without even Wolfie or Wild know he was there. Sneaky sneaky. His fear, because I thought it was funny and because he doesn't know the difference between a cow and a bull and has seen too many rodeos as a kid, is cows.

Twilight: SUPER delicate. For how strong he is, he has no idea if one hug will squish someone. He also, even though he's been told not to, will juggle the goats. Don't worry, he asks beforehand to make sure the goats will be okay with it. Twilight is also a HUGE Mama's boy. While he loves his father Time *cough cough*, getting validation from MALON sends him to the stars. Lastly, his fear, because as Wolfie he accidentally breathed them in, is ants.

Sky: We all know him for being sweet and kind and a total beast when someone hurts those he loves, but he also, after hurting those people, will apologize for hurting them cause he suddenly feels really guilty about it. Sometimes, if he gets the chance, he'll carve minifigures of the others and hide them in his pouch, when the others finally found out, his pouch was overflowing with animals, but mostly them. Sky would be the type of person to carve the lead in pencils. His fear, scarecrows. Do I need to say more?

Legend: Oh boy, here we go, Legend is autistic. That's the main thing. Anytime his orchard gives a good production of apples, he gets really excited and will word vomit to anyone close by most of the time it's Ravio since they live together and are dating. He may be an awful cook, but his baking skills can challenge even Wild. He mainly bakes apple desserts, but loves to try new recipes, as long as no one gets in his way. He's a big neat freak and feels really embarrassed when someone sees his house as a mess. Being a hoarder and a neat freak is hard though, so he ends up trying to clean everything and it looks barely better then before. His moto, like mine, is: "if I don't do it now, it'll never get done." Which leads him to collapsing from exhaustion because he tries to do everything at once. Legend has bad joints, surprise surprise, so he drinks tea in the morning and at night to counter that. Because of this cute story I read, I think that whenever Legend is around people that he loves, in a home that he feels safe in, because of a side effect of being Bunny, he will fall asleep right then and there. Finally, Legend fears thunderstorm, for obvious reasons, loosing more people he loves, quite obvious, and Cuccos, also obvious.

Hyrule: Also a Mama's boy. Even though he doesn't know his Mama, though he soon will, he likes to hang around Malon when on the farm and ask all the questions he can think of. He can't read, like most believe, or write, but he is surprisingly really good at interpretation and reading lips. His fear, water, poor baby can't swim and has had too much trauma around it.

Wild: This one's a lot too. Wild is also autistic, and a huge introvert. When first introduced to the chain, he either ran away, or would hide in trees most of the time out of fear of them. Wild actually collects makeup, and dresses, and is really good at hair and applying makeup, though he can't do his own hair for squat. Wild has insanely good hearing from "growing up" in the middle of nowhere, and acts animalistic, ex: growling when he feels he's in danger, whimpering when in pain, when he yelps it sounds more like a yip, curling up in a tight ball when he sleeps. Wild, though he hunts a lot, actually really loves animals, and takes care to only hunt the animals if there are too many, or if the animal is sick or injured beyond repair. When he has a memory, his heart stops and he stops breathing, almost like his spirit has been transported to that point in time. Super supporter in anything, unless it's something that's harmful to his family, ex: transphobia, homophobia, making sexual comments to those who are asexual and/or not interested. Is afraid of anything that reminds him of the Shrine of Resurrection.

Four: Any and every time he exits a portal, his mind splits so the colors are there, but Four is physically the only one there. His shadow always seems to move on its own, and he sometimes talks to it when he's feeling down. If he's given a recipe, he's a decent cook, but without one, his food would turn out like Hyrule's. When he's not spilt, his fingernails are painted. Thumb black, pointer green, middle blue, ring violet, pinky red. When at the farm, he snatches all of the groups armor, weapons, and shields and repairs them, otherwise his favorite chore is to tend to the horses. His fear, I think it's obvious, loosing more people he loves.

Wind: The air around him always smells of salt, and he never seems to run out of energy. Though he hates being the youngest of the group, he does take advantage of it to get away with doing stupid things, until he gets hurt, then he gets in trouble. Being youngest, he obviously gets baby, but there are times where he is the one babying one of the others, and those are times he uses to manipulate the others. He is a pirate, pirate equals treasure hunter, also pick-pocket, also knowing every swear in the book, also having a flask of rum. When the others learn of this, Time confiscates his flask until he discovers non-alcoholic stuff that tastes the same, never telling Wind. Wind's fear, Time's disappointed look.

I wrote this in my headcanon age order, do what you wish with this 😈

[blues824]

I loved your Morticia Reader and I was wondering, could you do a Wednesday Addams Reader with the 1st Years? She rarely smiles (Unless someone’s in pain) with her being incredibly morbid, emotionally reserved and her fascination of the macabre and the dark forces? (I love Wednesday) Bonus if you want to; she has Thing with her (I loved how sassy he was in the show) Kudos!

Reader’s gender isn’t specified here, but request calls for female Reader.

Ace Trappola

He was very intimidated by you. You never smiled unless he got hurt or punished, but never when he was intentionally trying to be funny. Not just that, but you had a walking hand accompanying you everywhere. YOU EVEN KNEW WHAT IT WAS SAYING!!!

You were incredibly smart as well. You knew the scientific names of the freaking plants that they were studying, and you knew a magic that was darker than anything he was familiar with. We’re talking about ‘conjuring spirits’ kind of magic. In fact, the time he saw you conjuring Goody Addams, he audibly screamed.

One time, he had been thrown out of Heartslabyul for the nth time and he decided to go to Ramshackle. However, he stopped because he heard something. It sounded like an instrument, one that was deeper than a violin. He kept walking until he saw you through the window, playing a big version of a violin in the living room.

He just bursted in like he owned the place and asked how the heck you know how to play this oversized violin. You threw a knife so close to his head that it cut a piece of his hair off as it flew by. You didn’t even apologize when you corrected him by saying it was a cello.

Everyone is surprised when you both get together. You both are polar opposites: you actually had common sense. You didn’t even know either. Maybe it was the confidence he had carried himself with, even though it got him into a ton of trouble. Plus, he actually understood sarcasm.

Deuce Spade

He was also intimidated by you, but it was in a good way. He found Thing unsettling, but decided that there was no point in being creeped out and decided to learn how to communicate with him. When you are away, they act like middle school girls and gossip about Deuce’s crush on you.

He was in awe of all the pure knowledge you have. In a short amount of time, you were able to rise to the top of your classes. The teachers loved you, so he decided to go to you for tutoring. He had explained how he was an Honor’s Student because of his promise to his mother, and that hit close to home for you.

It was during one of these study sessions where he wasn’t getting the material for some reason, so you suggested a break. You went into your closet and brought out your cello. Deuce was surprised when you got into position and started playing a sad tune.

Another time, he walked in on you performing some sort of ritual. You were even speaking in a whole other language that he didn’t recognize (you were speaking Latin). However, it didn’t seem to work because you let out a frustrated sigh.

When you both get together, no one (besides Ace) was surprised. You both spent a lot of time together, so it did not come as a shock to anyone. Ace was angry that Deuce was able to rizz you up but he hasn’t been able to rizz anyone up since middle school (sounds like Takemichi from Tokyo Revengers).

Jack Howl

Wasn’t intimidated by you at all. In fact, you both held a mutual respect for one another, since you both were the only ones at NRC with common sense. He did find Thing creepy at first, but eventually got used to him. Most of the time, he is often perched on either your shoulder or Jack’s.

You both were good in the academic aspect. You excelled him in many ways, but he was fine with where he was at. There was no way he would be able to remember every little thing the teacher had said in class, but he was happy for you since you could do it. 

During the period where you both were trying to stop Azul, he walked to Ramshackle to try and come up with a plan with you. However, his ears detected the sound of a cello. He continued walking towards your dorm (since that was where the sound was coming from), and was surprised to hear it come directly from inside. He then knocked on the door.

You opened it, and Jack looked inside to see a black cello in the middle of your living room. He complimented your skill and immediately got back to work. You were sort of relieved when he didn’t make a big deal out of it since you did have more pressing matters to focus on.

No one is surprised when you guys get together. In fact, it made sense to everyone. He was the one who helped the most with taking Azul down, so it was only a matter of when he’d ask you out. Sure, you both aren’t very romantic, but you show your love in different ways than what would be considered ‘orthodox’.

Epel Felmier

Was most definitely terrified of you, but tried to act like he wasn’t. He would have to summon so much courage to try and talk to you, only to stutter through each and every one of his sentences. Poor guy doesn’t know when he started to sweat so much. He nearly fainted when he met Thing.

He admires you in an academic aspect because you rose to the top of your class very quickly. You even managed to surpass most of the older students when test scores were released. Later that day, you received an apple in the shape of a skull with a note saying “Good job on the test! -E.F.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out who it was from.

One time, you both agreed to meet up to do some homework. He had been having trouble with a specific problem and figured you would be the best person to go to. When he made it, he heard the sound of a cello coming from inside.

He quietly entered the dorm and hid behind a wall while he listened. Once you finished, he came out of his hiding place while applauding you. You had already known that he was there, but you couldn’t help but feel a smile trying to fight its way onto your face. It never stood a chance against your will to force it down.

I feel like some people were surprised when they found out you both were together, but others weren’t. You both had a temper, but your anger would come out in different ways. You offered him a few different outlets, like mastering an instrument so that he could play alongside you (Vil was totally in favor of this idea, since he thought you played beautifully).

Sebek Zigvolt

He would also act like he wasn’t intimidated by you. It came from a place where he thinks you would do better as one of Malleus’s knights, so he grows scared that Waka-sama might see more value in you than him. Plus, Thing wasn’t helping anything.

You both are instant academic rivals. He always gets frustrated because you always hold yourself in a calm manner and always manage to get top marks while he was stuck in second place. It angered him to no end.

One day, he decides to go and ask you some questions because there was no way that you could beat him in a fencing duel, when he heard a cello coming from inside the rickety dormitory. He had to admit that the player was doing amazingly. He knocked on your door and waited for you to answer. 

When you invited him inside, he saw that you were in the process of putting your cello away. So you were the one playing so beautifully? He acted like he didn’t hear any of it whilst he asked you to a duel. You asked if he would want the bout to go until 15 touches, or until someone drew the first blood. He picked the latter.

The next day, at around the same time, he lay on the ground with a cut on his face. You explain that you had been training since you were 5 years old, and therefore had that much more experience than him. However, when you named your price for winning, he blushed. You asked him out. Every onlooker gasped in surprise, and their eyes went wider when the half-fae accepted.

[gooselycharm]

hi there! i'd just like to say that your kris and noelle "something else" comic has been driving me insane /pos and i'd love to hear more of your thoughts on those two!! their relationship is one of my favorite things in deltarune and your comic just got everything about them so right 🙏

thank you for reading "something else"! oh man, [more of] my thoughts on kris+noelle.... i sure got some of those.

this was one of the first tweets i made after finishing chapter 2 nearly... freaking 2 years ago. and basically i've just been saying that over and over again in different ways because i'm still not tired of the concept yet and probably wont ever be LOL. i'm obsessed with how badly the narrative wants to force them into an easily categorizable dynamic, especially the romantic one in snowgrave. the literal THORN RING, the more possessive dialogue options, spamton calling noelle a side chick LOL... it all creates this unnerving visual novel bad end atmosphere that feels manufactured by someone who's only ever learned about romance through secondhand sources. they're two queer teens trying to navigate their changing relationship with the only role models they know being their parents' own failed heterosexual marriages. they're so divorced² (divorced children of divorce).

i also like that for being so tragically doomed coded they can be funny! both in a dark humor way and also like, genuinely funny, like the stories of them as kids with kris covering themselves in ketchup and hiding under noelle's bed lmao. i mean there's even something funny about the romantic trappings of the snowgrave route, like trying to put wedding cake embellishments on a crime scene... you know, funny like kids trying on their parents clothes but they're too big and for some reason they're also crying and covered in blood? um.

i'm also SOOOO interested to see how snowgrave will continue in chapter 3! i really liked the hopeful note chapter 2 ended on (well. i took it as hopeful anyway). there's that bit where noelle is talking to herself and she says something like "recently kris has been acting so strange and no one else has noticed... i have to figure out why" and then kris jumpscares her LOL but i think i took that one line and really ran with it. noelle really is the one who knows kris best and despite how scared she is, she's still determined to help them... i like the little subversion of victim/hero going on, the implication that kris might be the one who needs rescuing.

the additional story/lore that came with the spamton sweepstakes made me CRAAAZYYYYY like my GOD... it's cute that noelle likes glitches/creepypasta when kris is kinda a walking creepypasta <3 also, god, noelle falling asleep listening to kris playing piano in the other room... there's so much like. wistfulness and nostalgia and this like... distant/detached intimacy packed into how noelle narrates that scene. it's kind of funny how much there is to dig into when like on a surface level they're just fairly regular childhood friends who grew apart LMAO they're extremely deep to me okay...

on another note i guess i do ship them? i like their dynamic whether it's platonic or romantic (the best is a weird mix of both 👍). it just can't be boring LOL like... this is one ship where trying to apply cookie cutter tropes to them really falls flat and the game is ahead of you on that anyway. in terms of romantically shipping them, i honestly don't think they're doomed to repeat patterns forever... i think they could actually be good for each other! but that's not really the aspect of their relationship that interests me akldjf;alk;sdg maybe i will make 60 page comic of kriselle going to couples counseling some other time

ANYWAY i'm going to cut myself off here, because i really could go on forever lol. i'll give you some links for further reading though

hellspawnmotel's deltarune art

lula pillowbug99's deltarune art

this art by raspbearis which features prominently in my internal kriselle bible

my own unfinished kriselle playlist

my own essay on gender & allegory in deltarune if for some reason u are not tired of hearing me talk yet

okay bye now & thanks again for reading my comic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fadingdaggerr]

Hi luv I love you works so much !!!!!

Idk if you're still taking a request but I have an idea for r and melissa fics :). So r has a big bombastic crush on melissa and so does Melissa but you know how Melissa is, she's acting like she hates r. But then they ended up wrapping a birthday gift together for one of the teachers. And then they confess, kiss and stuff :)

Thank youuuuuuuuu

just how we feel

pairing: melissa schemmenti x gn!reader

summary: request above! eight months at abbot had you convinced melissa hated you, until jacob pairs you together for janine’s birthday celebrations

warnings/includes: insecurity (mel and r), mel is mean to r, angst? or at least angst-adjacent, resolved conflict, confession, little bit of kissing

italicized sections are flashbacks

note: on this episode of ‘sol got a little too into this and they almost forgot the prompt’ did i project onto mel a little in this one. yeah? i did. and we’re gonna say NOTHING. n e ways. enjoy <3

your first day at abbott all those months ago had been a rocky start, but now the school practically felt like home. the kids were sweet and pretty funny, full of unbridled energy, but sweet and funny nonetheless. most of your fellow teachers were nice, helpful even. janine seemed to be the most excited about you joining the team, jacob a close second. you were thankful for gregory’s calm presence when you sat with them, both of you just allowing the other two to speak to their hearts’ content. ava had told you she was ‘glad there was someone close to her level of sexy,’ because apparently being the only one was exhausting for her.

your eyes landed on a redhead seated close to the coffee maker. big green eyes and glossy lips, her leather jacket exuding confidence for her. she caught onto your careful staring, her eyes scanned over you quickly, lingering briefly when your eyes met. you smiled lightly under her attention, giving her a tiny wave. she looked down instead of replying.

for the first month, you hadn’t said much more than hello and good morning to barbara or melissa. eyes of aventurine burned holes into you every time you so much as tried to speak to one of them, to the point where you only greeted barbara when she was alone, never saying a word to the redhead. you wished those beautiful eyes would look at you with something other than disdain, and maybe her voice would hold flowers instead of thorns.

you had tried, you really did. melissa’s presence was alluring, her laugh and smile were unbelievably beautiful, even if they were never directed towards you. it was a struggle to not even look at her, but being caught felt like it would result in being screamed at. you tried small waves, even just a nod of acknowledgment, but no matter what you did, you were always met with cold response.

“good morning, melissa,” you said with a soft smile as you poured yourself a cup of bitter coffee.

“yeah,” was all she responded with.

it hurt to no end. for some reason that you apparently weren’t worthy of knowing, melissa schemmenti hated you.

after six long months, and a new school year, barbara had started to make little visits to you classroom before the day started. most conversations were pleasant, and always ending at exactly the same time. the moment melissa walked into the building, you were back to being by yourself.

—

getting in early gave you a sense of control. everything could be set up before anyone, even other teachers, could see otherwise felt nice. what was also nice was that barbara and gregory were the only other two that showed up just after you, janine only a few minutes behind them. early mornings meant you could speak to your coworkers, especially barbara, without anxiety eating you inside-out.

“baby, i haven’t seen you all week! how was your weekend?” barbara asks from your doorway with a kind smile.

“oh, hey barb. it was good, little sad about the rain though,” you say with a small pout, “i was supposed to go to this mini-market my neighborhood has. how was yours?”

an excited look crosses her face, “oh, it was lovely. gerald and i went out to dinner saturday, just the two of us. sunday we had brunch with melissa at gustavo’s.”

the mention of melissa’s name made your content smile falter. she was incredibly guarded with everyone, that wasn’t your problem. it was that everyone else, even the worst and actually annoying ones, at least got a small smile and a greeting. you didn’t even get an acknowledgment other than the occasional glare that came when you entered the lounge.

“that’s nice,” you said with a tight-lipped smile, turning away to adjust a stack of quizzes on your desk. you miss the way barbara looks at you with confusion, your reaction feeling off to her. the clock ticked, telling you it’s time for melissa to arrive. turning to barbara, you swallow your emotions, “i’ll see you later barb.”

that same day at lunch you quickly dropped quarters into the vending machine with shaking fingers, melissa standing beside you, waiting her turn. the last iced tea drops down and you hear a huff from the redhead’s lips behind you, then catch sight of her moving to sit down. the defeat written on her face told you that the iced tea was something she liked, had even been looking forward to. a nagging feeling pulled at your heart, the desire too strong to get rid of the barely noticeable frown on her lips.

you walk over and place the raspberry iced tea on the table in front of her, “have a nice day, miss schemmenti.” you left quickly, not wanting to see the disgust for you on her features. if you had stayed you would’ve seen the sad look across her face at the interaction, namely your departure.

—

early november was filled with secret meetings before students arrived, and most importantly, before janine arrived. you had all avoided her like the plague, scared to reveal secrets about her upcoming birthday. twenty-six is a very big deal, according to jacob, but so was her twenty-fifth.

you all played along with jacob’s plans and enthusiasm, he even somehow convinced barbara to take janine out for a one-on-one breakfast as a birthday surprise. ava had agreed to one singular day of not making fun of janine for anything, even her clothes ava! gregory stayed private about his plans for janine’s birthday. even with all of you were practically begging him to spill the beans, he kept his mouth shut with a little smile making its way forward.

jacob had divided the rest of the gifts that janine absolutely needed between himself and zach, you, and melissa. he had already planned when to get the big gift, whatever it was, with zach over the weekend. this meant he had assigned you and melissa to buying and arranging the decorations. when he suggested this, you wished you hadn’t looked over to melissa. you watch her head bow down, muttering something under her breath with a face of annoyance. when her eyes looked up to meet yours, you immediately looked away and picked at your nails.

five minutes before janine was to arrive, your secret meeting ended, everyone quickly going to their typical places. in the lounge you stand next to barbara where she sits at her table with melissa.

it took a couple deep breaths before speaking to calm yourself. after fumbling with your bag to grab your wallet, you drop two twenties in front of melissa, “here, money for the decorations. saves you from having to deal with me.” and with that, you leave the lounge and walk to your classroom, leaving melissa behind with a frown.

the redhead turns to barbara, “what was that?” barbara only responds with a sharp glare and a shake of the head. melissa’s head perks up to see if anyone else had witnessed it, but jacob and gregory are quick to turn away and avoid her gaze. she turns back to barbara, “what?!”

ava is the only one brave enough to say, “that was the final straw in live action.”

“what does that mean?” melissa is fuming, which is only worsened when jacob mumbles under his breath, “what did you say, hill?”

with wide eyes, and hands gripping the table as if he would throw it if she attacked, jacob says quickly, “if you’re rude to someone all the time, they’re gonna be rude back.”

“that schemmenti snark is great, but pissy smurf is a human too, even if you hate them,” ava speaks up again. her words actually stopped melissa’s thoughts for a second. hate you? when did she say she hated you? she didn’t hate you, yet everyone else seemed to agree on it.

gregory clears his throat, “just saying, the response to ‘good morning,’ typically isn’t just ‘yeah’ or ignoring it completely.”

“am i really that bad?” melissa asks in a quieter tone, only barbara picking up on the insecurity. the silence from everyone is more than telling, making melissa think to herself for a moment. you hadn’t eaten in the teachers’ lounge since your second week at abbott, the last time she’d seen you here was after janine’s friend ruined her books.

she walked into the lounge to take a breather, not even noticing anyone else was in the room. when you saw her flushed face and her hands tensing into fists, you’d asked her if she was alright and if she needed or wanted help, a kind expression despite the worry behind your eyes. seeing melissa upset made you feel the need to act for a reason you couldn’t place yet, but her apprehension towards you grew your own doubt. when she turned to look at you, the anger and resentment on her face only grew.

“do i look like i need your fucking help?”

you stuttered back a bit at the aggressive nature of her tone, the stone cold look in her eyes making you feel small. you blinked quickly, only answering with a mumbled ‘sorry’ before leaving.

thinking about the interaction, her heart shattered for you and anger for herself rose. you’d done nothing but try to show her some semblance of kindness, even when she was horrible to you. she yelled at you, swore at you, and you still gave her your iced tea, held doors, and last week you brushed the light dusting of snow off her car before you left.

“fuck it,” she says as she stands and heads down the hallway. she was going to talk to you, even if she had never actually done so before. when she reaches your classroom, she wipes sweaty hands on her shirt, nerves eating her alive. it shouldn’t be this hard to talk to you, but the knowledge that you were sure she hated you made the task impossible. she peeks in the window and sees you stabbing at something in tupperware, but not eating it. she finds some amount of courage to knock.

“open,” you call out. when you turn to see who entered, your shoulders tense immediately. your mouth moves faster than your brain and you ask her, “was i not allowed to stand near your table? i’ll make note for next time.”

melissa visibly cringes at the comment but doesn’t retaliate, she knows she deserved that one. she looks down at the floor for a moment, then back to you, “i don’t hate you.”

“you don’t even look like you believe that,” you turn your chair to face her, leaned back with your arms crossed. you sigh, “it’s fine, don’t dwell on it. i’m not going to anymore.”

“i don’t hate you,” melissa repeats, “but i know i haven’t done anything to help my case.”

“no, you haven’t,” you say, looking at the floor as you stand from the chair. you lean against the desk and face melissa, doubt written across your expression. you sigh, “but you can try to help it now. maybe explain why i walked into abbott and became a god damn pariah.”

she closes the door behind herself and leans against the wall across from you. she’s never been so nervous, but with your eyes trained on her instead of jumping away, her heart races.

she fusses with her rings for a second then says, “i don’t like new people. never have, probably never will. that’s not an excuse, i know.” you nod, understanding part of her original apprehension but motion for her to continue. she thankful for a second and goes on, “you’re so warm to everyone, even me, even when i’m not. stupid thing, i like how nice you are to me, how for some reason you think of me even when i’m,” she gestures up and down herself, “me.”

you blink a couple times, collecting your thoughts, “you like that i’m nice to everyone, to you, so you swear at me and never respond when i say good morning?”

she takes a sharp inhale, “…yes. i’m not used to that, there’s no catch, no little jokes or whatever, just nice. i don’t want people looking at me, talking to me, it’s bleh,” she appreciates the little laugh you let out, “but from you, it feels different, good different. and i’m an idiot apparently because i fight it, i fight ‘cause i’m expecting the shoe to drop. but there’s no shoes! not until it was a bad different, especially coming from you, and it was my fault.”

melissa hadn’t realized her eyes had began to water at her words. she’d never been good at this, verbalizing feelings when she didn’t fully understand what they were. she glanced up at you, expecting anger written in the lines of your face, only to find what she could only think was empathy, perhaps understanding. you nod, letting her continue, seeing the nervous look on her face telling you there was more.

“the yelling at you, i am so, so sorry. she destroyed hundreds of dollars of books and i was so angry, i didn’t think about what i said, who i said it to. dio, i wished i could punch myself in the mouth after i said it,” she wants to cry just remembering your face when she snapped at you, “even after you look at me, and there’s no anger, nothing. and i cant read what’s going on, and i try to figure it out, but you look away.”

you looked at her, then the floor in front of her, a silent request to step closer. she accepts by relaxing her tight shoulders, only three feet laying between the two of you now. she can smell the rain that lingered on your clothes from the walk in mixing with eucalyptus, the combination and your presence somehow calming her a little.

“i understand what you mean. i don’t like different either. hate it, actually. but, abbott is good different, and it started to feel less good when i got yelled at, stared at, and flat out ignored otherwise.” she nods quickly, accepting blame for it all. talking to you now, she’s never felt more like an asshole, from new york.

“hon, i’m so sorry for everything i’ve said and done. i know none of what i said excuses it, i just wanted to explain. i’ll be better, i’ll work on it,” she puts out her pinky. you squint at it, then her, “and you can tell barb on me any time or you can just yell at me.” she decidedly likes the laugh that bubbles out from you.

“deal,” you say as you wrap your pinky around hers, both of you giving the other a shake.

—

saturday melissa picked you up from your apartment to go shopping for janine’s present. she bounced on the balls of her feet as she waited for the buzzer to alert her you’d let her in. she walked up the stairs with nerves desperately trying to pull her back, but she pressed on. she felt more nervous knocking on your door now than she did the other day. what has gotten into me, she grumbled go herself.

she can hear footsteps approaching and she steps back instinctively. when you open the door she’s greeted by the sight of your out of work clothes, fuzzy orange slippers with smileys still on your feet.

“hey,” melissa says as you move to let her in. she’s cautious in her movements into your apartment, looking only at the floor.

shutting and locking the door quickly behind her, you reply, “hi.”

“scared someone will steal your cute little slippers?” melissa tries not to let her heart kick her ribs when you roll your eyes with a little laugh.

“obviously. well, and my cat,” you say as you place dirty dishes in the sink for later.

melissa scanned around the apartment, there was a scratch tower, but no sign of a cat, “can other people see this cat?”

you chuckle as you walk over to the tv, reaching behind it. a giant fluffy brown cat is revealed, now cradled in your arms like a baby. you walk over to her, “this…” you present him with a big smile on your face, “is frank. i’m pretty sure he thinks if he’s behind the tv then it means he’s on the screen.”

melissa smiles at the cat who is like a puddle in your arms, she raises a hand and shakes his paw that sticks up, “nice to meet you, frank.” the cat blinks at her a couple times before turning in your arms to drop to the floor and running to sit on his perch.

“i think that’s him saying we have obscene amount of ribbon and stickers to buy and he won’t hold us up,” you giggle, sliding off your slippers and grabbing what could only be described as the first pair of converse to ever exist. melissa thinks they may have once been grey, but she’s not sure you’d even remember.

apparently craft stores are the place to be on a saturday afternoon in november. you were both stood in the party aisle, trying to pick a theme and decorations out. the options were plentiful, but so was the obnoxiousness of it all, glitter and shimmers everywhere. all very janine, but very not the two of you.

melissa leans to you and asks, “what if we just got her a glitter step stool?”

“she’d be too scared to use it,” you say through a laugh. you reach towards a light blue and purple floral set of table decorations, across it, golden glitter decorating the edges. holding it up to melissa, she shrugs with a nod, it was the least offensive to the eyes and had janine written all over it.

you and melissa walked around and grabbed light blue plastic tablecloths, other little floral decoration from that theme, and some paper and markers for a sign. you ran back while in line to grab stickers and plastic photo stands, leaving melissa with very full arms. melissa’s hands shake when she gives the cashier the money from her wallet, the two twenties you placed in front of her staring at her from the pocket. the walk to the car was easy, the drive back to your place was comforting in a way.

“jacob gave me a deck of pictures to put in the little clip things,” you say as you unlock your door, letting melissa in first.

“i don’t even want to know how he got them,” she jokes, though she’s suddenly tense. she doesn’t have time to think of why before she feels something brush against her leg, seeing frank at her feet.

she watches you tread to what she can guess is your bedroom, and when you return, you have pictures in hand and franks attention, the fluff ball running to you immediately. melissa watches you flick through pictures, seeing your facial expressions morph from awww to oh god.

“i’m scared of jacob for real now. pretty sure he stole her camera or hacked into her phone to get these,” you say as you face a couple odd ones toward her. by the looks of it all, you were right, jacob might be terrifying.

she grabs the bag with the decorations and art supplies, spreading everything out on the coffee table, “let’s do this.”

after about half an hour, you’d grown quiet and your pace had slowed down in the lettering on the poster. melissa could tell you were really paying attention to what you were doing, solely running on autopilot as you though about something. she flicked a little paper sticker-back at you to get your attention, you head shaking with a sharp inhale.

“you’re thinking do hard you might cause an earthquake,” melissa says, making you smile a bit, “what’s up?”

“the other day, the stuff you said about different and stuff,” you take a breath in, “what did you mean when you said me talking to you and whatever was good different?”

it’s melissa turn to go quiet and get a tad bit shy. her mind immediately started thinking of anything she could say that wasn’t the truth, that could placate you and this conversation. as much as she wanted to just say you don’t suck, she can’t find herself wanting to lie to you, especially after you’d given her a chance for honesty.

she huffs a little laugh at herself, “i don’t fully know, if i’m being honest. sometimes attention from people is suffocating, annoying really, but from you it’s not. it feels kinda nice, actually, like this… i don’t know, like this fluttery feeling,” she says as she places stickers on the page in front of her, “until you look away and i can’t look back at least. i don’t even know why you’re staring, but you always are.”

your eyes fall to your lap, and melissa watches you pick at your nails. she’d noticed this habit, always seeing it when she caught you staring at her. she wishes she hadn’t been that honest. you muster the grit to quietly say, “i wasn’t staring at you or judging you, melissa. well i- i guess i was staring, which is rude but it wasn’t not like that. sometimes i just try to see what’s going on, what i’m doing wrong.”

melissa feels her heart aches at your words, you’d never done anything wrong to her yet you worried. you had tried to learn how to change to get her to like you when you never had to. she watches your gaze flick to her then back to your nails, her own quiet question on her lips, “and the other times?”

your lips purse as you feel heat run to your cheeks. “you’re really pretty, y’know? it’s kinda hard not to notice. sometimes i don’t even realize i’m doing it until you look back, then i have to tell myself to stop doing it cause it’s probably creepy and you probably hated it, and me,” you answered quietly, ceasing the feigned interest in your nails and finally looking at her.

that was… definitely not the answer melissa was expecting, though truthfully there wasn’t a real guess as to what you would say. her mind was buzzing at everything you said, but especially that you said said she’s pretty. you thought melissa was pretty.

she licks her lips, now visibly nervous, “don’t try to be all sweet and try to win my favor. we’ve been over that last part, i don’t hate you.”

you shuffle to sit on your knees, leaning over the table on your elbow, propping your face in your hands, “i’m not trying to win your favor. you asked me a question, and i answered it. honestly. but now it’s my turn to ask a question.”

“what’s your question?” melissa barely gets the sentence out. she’s stuck in her place by your words and your sudden closeness. you’re close enough to touch, but she can’t and she won’t. she doesn’t deserve to after how she’s treated you.

“fluttery feeling?” you kept your question simple, letting her say whatever she wanted without pressuring her.

she let out a puff, anxiety striking her. you’d been completely open with her, she owed you the same. she looked back to you, “you know, you think i’m pretty or whatever, so i’m guessing you haven’t seen yourself.” you chuckle at jokingly shocked expression, hear running to your cheeks. she cracks a little smile as she goes on, “any attention from you made me get all nervous, hence the snapping. i think i was embarrassed that i like the attention from you. you, specifically.”

as much as you had tried to hide the smile on your face, you couldn’t. melissa adored the way you tried your damned hardest, but you simply couldn’t. it was contagious, her own smile forming on her lips.

through a little laugh you say, “that the gayest thing you’ve ever said.”

melissa gasps out a laugh, “there are other gay things i’ve said?”

“are you kidding me? you said ‘decisive women are hot’ last week,” you say as your push down your laughter.

melissa swipes her hand down her face in defeat, “you got me there.”

your laughter dies down after a moment, you clear your throat saying, “for the record, you give me that fluttery feeling too. probably why i’m such a try-hard for your attention.”

melissa leans forward a bit, leaving only a few inches between you now. your tongue poked out to wet your lips, eyes flicking down to hers. it doesn’t go unnoticed by melissa as she takes the opportunity to take her gaze across your face. she finally speaks, “is that right?”

all you can manage is a small nod. melissa fights a smile as she reaches out gently nudge one of your hands away from your face, holding it in hers. she pulls you in by the hand, asking you with her eyes. she’s met again with a nod.

she lets go of your hand to cradle your face pulling you closer, she stops just before your lips can touch, asking you again. you answer by leaning in and pressing your lips to hers, soft and sweet. melissa sighs into her kiss, all the anxiety and nerves leaving her the second your lips met, her entire focus only on how gentle you were with her.

without disconnecting your lips, she’s moved around the corner of the coffee table that divided you, pressing into you more. your hands moved to delicately hold either of her neck, pulling her as close as you could. melissa’s free hand rests on your thigh, the warmth radiating off of you grounding her. just as her tongue swipes against your bottom lip, a rattle from next to you makes you both jump apart. looking to her right, melissa sees frank on the table, gnawing at one of the little daisy table decorations.

“christ, frankie. no, no, that’s not yours,” you scowled at the cat as you picked him up. you place him on the cat tower, “kill the vibe or the decorations, pick one not both. little jerk.” frank licks your hand, maybe as a sorry, “fine, apology granted.”

melissa just watched you, almost in a trance. you sit back down in front of her, grabbing her hand. “sorry about him,” you mumble.

“don’t worry about it. i think that him telling me i should ask you on a date first,” she says, looking up at your through dark lashes.

“is that right?” your mirror her words from earlier.

she breaths a little laugh, “yeah. i was thinking dinner, maybe. tomorrow? seven?”

“tomorrow at seven. i’m guessing we’re not having italian because it’s definitely never going to be as good as something you make,” you say.

melissa laughs and nods in agreement. she glances at the decorations and sign on the table, “we should probably finish that.”

you spend the next hour finishing everything up, only talking about little things. both of you wanted to save everything else for the date, something you had both silent agreed upon. when melissa was leaving, she looked back at you for a moment before saying, “i’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow. i’ll text you where we’re going once i find something.”

you smile, “sounds perfect. i’ll see you at seven, melissa.”

melissa sits in her car in the parking lot for a solid five minutes just grinning like a fool to herself. she wished she had sucked it up sooner and admitted it but she would change anything, not when she finally got her chance.

yeah went a little ham on this one. anyways thank you so much for the request i hope you liked it :) title is from flaming hot cheetos by clairo

as always, feedback is appreciated

[drag0nashes]

I mayyyy be jumping on the "Rosie is Lilith in disguise" theory. I did a bunch of research showing that this theory is true, and even found some more while making this post! (this is a long one, so pull up a chair and grab the popcorn!)

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First things first: vivzie tends to drop these kinda hints through character design (ex: Vaggie with her X eye and angelic spear) so I found some designs that Rosie has that are similar to the morningstar family as a whole, characteristics relating only to Lilith, and even some designs qualities that contribute to the fact that she is indeed wearing a disguise.

Disguise: I noticed that Rosie's neck thing looks a lot like the part of the masks that the exorcist angels wear. This could mean that she is actually wearing a mask and hiding her identity. Even her outfit covers most of her body minus the hands.

family related characteristics: her hair looks awfully similar to lucifers and even Charlie's: with the hair swoop on one side and 2 bumps and 2 spikes on the other that all the morningstars have. She even has the rosie cheeks that both Lucifer and Charlie have incorporated into her 'mask'.

Lilith: Rosie also has the puff sleves, hat shape, skin tone, and body shape that Lilith has in the photo!

And even her hat has a snake-like thing on it, much like lucifers, that could be a hint as well. But that's just some similarities.

(Plus she could totally be hiding the rest of her hair in the big ass hat of her, but that one might be a stretch lol)

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Mannerism and emotions can also be great leads to theories (ex: Vaggie referring to Hell as "Charlie's people", and acting as though she didn't quite belong there)

"It can be hard to admit to things you're not proud of. Especially if those things hurt the ones you love."

This line got me thinking. The way Rosie said it sounded personal in the way that they would bring it up later on in the story.

What she could mean by this might have to do with the begging and the apple, or perhaps the reason she went "missing"?

And the fact that she was immediately so kind to Charlie makes me wonder a little. She even gave me motherly vibes: helping her with relationships (which I might add that she said was her "specialty". As though she dealt with a lot of love life issues) and her supportive behavior when Charlie was attempting to get help from Canibal Colonie.

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One more thing I'd like to add since you all might say "but we saw Lilith at the end" or "Lute referred to her as Lilith". Well, I had been watching a video relating to the theory that Lilith is an imposter on YouTube by Amy Lmao (@ayylmaotv) captioned: "is lilith an imposter in episode 8 hazbin hotel? ". Go watch it, it fills the plot hole!

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"Who hasn't thought of eating their first husband! I certainly would have if he didn't taste so bad."

I found this kind of funny if it was implied to be Adam, so I thought I'd throw it in there lol

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And that's the end! I definitely without a doubt believe that Rosie is Lilith in disguise no matter what anyone may say. All the evidence is overwhelming tbh. I worked very hard on this, and the first time I made it I was going to post it, but ended up deleting it. So I had to write it all down again from memory 😭 Thank you everyone who read to the end! Your prize? 10 cookies!

🎉🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🎉

[jack-off-valentine]

Guilty Gear Design Revisions

Guilty Gear is a great series, with some great characters. However, the designs can be rather hit or miss; with some of the women taking the most hits. So I have decided to toss my hat into the ring and suggest some changes for the designs.

But first, rules.

There will be two types of revisions made here; Some I think would better fit their stories and characters, and some are just personal taste. I will label them as such.

Some characters will have both types of suggestions, some will only have one, and some won't be featured at all. This does not mean there are no changes that could be made, or even should be made, it just means I haven't given enough thought to them to come up with any.

I will be focusing entirely on characters who are currently in Strive as of today, October 2nd 2023.

With all that wrote, let's begin.

Baiken

For Improvements; My girl needs some beef on her bones. And I don't just mean a little bit of tone on the belly, I mean tree trunk limbs and shoulder so wide she has to turn around just to get through most doors. Scars too. Seeing her model having essentially a completely clear face will never not feel off to me. Rough skin, chapped lips, maybe some scarred titties if we're feeling particularly uncowardly. Also, some signs of aging would provide a nice flavour to the design, like gray hairs and wrinkles.

For Personal Taste; Some baggy army pants alongside the dyke boots Daisuke used in this image would look pretty nice.

Sin

For Improvement; Make him look like an acrobat, not a body builder. I know it's funny seeing this canonical five-year-old be swole beyond belief, but it just doesn't fit the character. He isn't swinging around a giant sword and overpowering his opponent with sheer brute force, he isn't Sol. Instead, he's flying around the battlefield with polejumps and cartwheels and backflips and frontflips, confusing then striking with a quick physical blow or some potent magic. He's an excited doing acrobatics, and he should look like it.

Ramlethal

For Improvement; First off, give her a new outfit. The Xrd tube top and short shorts, while nice for horniness, is terrible for her character. Strive kind of fixed this, but they didn't commit as much as they should have. I'm thinking an outfit like this by @matcchio.

Secondly, she must become more creature-esque. She was given a maw full of shark teeth and they didn't do anything with it. It doesn't even show up in Strive. Some thicker, curlier hair would also be appreciated.

For personal taste; Take all the muscle you took off Sin and give it to her. This would probably have to coincide with making her a bit more of a bruiser, gaining some health and losing some speed. I think it would be cool, though.

Johnny

For personal taste; make him not white, dear lord. He would be so much cooler if he weren't a Blue Eyes White Dragon.

Happy Chaos

For improvement; Use the X's he has on his body to give him top surgery scars connected to the heart symbol on his chest.

For Personal Taste; Put some goddamn shoes on. This is gonna be a big showing of my taste in character design, but I just am incapable of fully enjoying a character's looks if they've got the dogs out. I put this here because it at least supports his character, unlike Ram, so I can tolarate it, but I have a Happy Chaos Shoes mod for a reason. It may show weakness, but I'm fine with that.

Giovanna

For improvement; Make her eyes not blue. Why are they blue. At least on Nago you can argue it's a contrast to his red and black eyes when he's in hangry mode, but if you wanted an eye colour related to her powers you could just make them green.

In Conclusion

I may have acted like a bit of a hater near the end, but I do genuinely love this series; and, like with many things, my love makes me privy to all manner of less than great things in it. Anyway, if you've got any additions to this list, feel free to tell me all about it.