#it’s because i’m getting much desired insight !! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spacecowboyhotch · 6 months

Text

In Plain Sight, Ch 2: A Hoard of Cupids

summary: nathan’s much more insightful about you than he used to be. it’s making you uneasy…and curious.

pairing: nathan bateman x f!reader

contents: 18+/NSFW/MINORS DNI, enemies to lovers (sorta), boss/employee dynamics, pining, nathan trying to be nice but he’s so abrasive lol, pining, mentions of caretaking/sick family members, mentions of emotionally abusive parents, masturbation (m), sub!nathan if you squint

wc: 2,745

AN: back at it with part twoooo. thank you all for the kind words and support on this fic, i didn’t expect it to get the response it did but i’m really excited to give y’all the rest. fair warning that these chapters seem to be getting longer as i write on. happy reading!

in plain sight masterlist | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

Nathan gives you space— at first. When you return the next day at 7 a.m. sharp he’s nowhere to be found. Not in the living room or in the kitchen, not on his patio boxing. You assume he’s in his room, probably toying with one of his bots in a distasteful manner. The idea makes you shudder. But is it not easier to come to work with every task he could want you to do placed on his desk, no fuss?

You don’t like Nathan Bateman. He’s a pompous asshole, a know it all, a man who thinks only about his own desires. When he apologized— or rather attempted to— yesterday you thought that maybe you slipped and fallen down the stairs on your way out. By his standards, it was a top tier apology. You’d never once heard him apologize to anyone. On your drive home you had wondered if he had ever apologized in his life. The thought made you giggle, and then you’d turned up the music and forgotten about him until right now.

Sat at your desk, an ungodly stack of things to do. There’s a note sat on top. It’s simple and straightforward, lacking emotion but somehow still has your stomach flipping. It reads:

In meetings all day— let me know if you need anything. Go home early today.

Mr. Bateman

P.S. I’ll spruce up my apologizing skills.

You regard the note cautiously, raising your brow at it before you let yourself laugh a little. Was this a joke or had Nathan Bateman taken some criticism to heart (which is rumored to not exist). You fold the note up, and for some reason slip it into your bag.

The last thing that’s on your mind is that Nathan’s watching you. He sits in the dark at his monitors, leaning in closely. His eyes trace your figure on the screens intensely, watching as you read and read and read. He expects no reaction from you beside maybe throwing it in the trash. But then you laugh, and he watches you store it for safekeeping. A piece of him will go home with you. Nathan never thought he’d be jealous of a piece of paper, not when he seems to have the entire world at his fingertips.

—

He returns to his normal behavior after a week— partially because he thinks you settled in. And partially because…well he begrudgingly can admit to himself, in the comfort of his own mind, that he misses you. When you get to work the next Monday he’s sat on an observation table, examining what looks like a deconstructed robot brain.

You aren’t even able to open your mouth and say good morning before he’s talking to you.

“Are you sleeping okay?” He asks, his eyes appraising you intensely.

You stop in your tracks, regarding him as always, your expression pieced into that calm expression. So you’re back to normal, none of that fire. He expected it but that doesn’t keep him from feeling disappointed.

“Sir?”

“You look really fucking tired. Exhausted,” He tacts on for good measure.

Your spine goes completely rigid, your grip on your bag tightening. You are tired. So very tired. You work shitty hours for incredible money and then go home to take care of your younger sisters and mother. Dealing with Nathan is for them. For your sisters’ schooling, so they won’t feel left out when the other kids have the newest gadget or shoes. For your mother’s ever piling medical bills. It’s important that you don’t jeopardize something so precious.

“Is it affecting my work? Have I done something wrong?” You ask him softly.

“No— that’s not why I’m—“ He stutters before closing his mouth and starting anew. You’ve never seen him like this. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he was flustered. But knowing Nathan, he’s just never asked a single employee he’s ever had if they’re alright. “I’m your boss, I worry about your well being. That’s what good bosses do.”

“Are you sure?” You ask evenly, eyes still trained on him.

“Am I—“ He stops, eyes wide for a fraction of a second before he bites away his smile. “Are you fucking with me?”

If he was looking at you so intentionally he would miss the way your mouth twitches. “I’m fine, Mr. Bateman. I have a lot of responsibilities, not only here but out there as well.”

“Out there?”

“The real world. Thank you for the concern, sir.”

For the second time, you’ve rendered Nathan speechless. That night he lays in bed thinking of you, like many nights prior. He turns your words over in his head time and time again. The real world. Do you think he doesn’t know what it’s like out there? He wonders how much research you’d done for the job. Nathan used his brain to get here, climbing and climbing. He hadn’t been born into this but his personality lent itself to such a conclusion. Nathan knows what his real world used to look like, though one day he hopes that any of his contraptions can help him forget. He wonders what your real world looks like.

There’s no ring on your finger, but you could have a partner. Kids? Another job? He pays you well enough for that to not be necessary. Maybe you volunteer at a puppy shelter. He could picture it. You in something other than your stuffy work clothes, a smile on your face as you drown in puppy breath and slobber.

He groans, rolling over in bed to plant his face deeply in the pillow. Maybe he can smother himself out of this. Thinking about puppies? He might as well be one, he’s practically lovesick if you have him thinking like this. When would he get used to feeling this way? His usual cynical thoughts feel like they’re being pillaged by a hoard of cupids.

He doesn’t even know if you feel the same. Being better for you is one thing, but what if there’s no payoff? What if he changes for you and you leave him high and dry? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He feels the back of his neck sweating and sits up.

Nathan’s been down this road before, it’s brought him his fortune and an insane work ethic. It’s all brought him sorrow he’ll never be able to escape. Being with his parents feels like a fever dream sometimes and other times he feels 6 again, like he’s drowning in their expectations and insults, trying to measure up. He’d given up eventually, once he realized that they would never love him the way parents should. Why try to do anything anyone wanted but himself when they could still treat him poorly for it?

He’s the way he is from his own indoctrination. He doesn’t know where he would be if he hadn’t convinced himself that he was the only person that truly matters.

But, now there’s you. You, who looks so soft, you that scratches an itch he didn’t even realize he had. You, that he wants to goad and prod and poke until you unleash all of yourself on him. He closes his eyes and lays back, envisioning you right here with him. He feels insane, his heart— his mind, his dick— are taking him through a whirlwind of emotions right now.

He palms himself through his boxers, eyes squeezing shut tighter than before as he tries to narrate. He pictures you in one of his white shirts, it’s fabric nearly see-through with the way it clings to your breasts. He grasps his length through his boxers letting out a heaving sigh. Fuck he wishes this was you.

If there’s anything that Nathan knows how to do its not only being smartest but the most imaginative. He’s been daydreaming for as long as he can remember. Universes with better outcomes— having worth, or loving parents or anyone for that matter. Anyone to be on his side. He imagined codes and synthetic body parts that live and breathe in front of him. He can surely imagine you, breathy and horny in his bed, jerking him off. He doesn’t care if it’s fucked up, or inappropriate. He wants you, and maybe this is the only way he can have you. He slides his boxers down, finally done teasing himself. Licking his palm, he grabs his cock, starts stroking and succumbs to the thought of you.

Another moan bubbles out of his throat. He can see your nipples through his shirt when you straddle him like this. Your thighs are soft against his own and he would reach for your free hand, thread his fingers through your own. Your hands are smaller than his, smooth and supple. And god, you’re stroking him just the way he likes it, the soft wet sound making pleasure shoot through his groin.

You’d overstimulate him wouldn’t you? With that clever mouth barely pulling up a grin, eyes full of fire as you stroke him past the point of pleasure. Would you make him watch? See the way your hands would grow slick and shiny with his cum as you kept pumping and pumping, pushing him to another release. Covering you both in him, until you’re too needy to keep toying with him. Nathan cums just as he’s imagining the feeling of you dragging your bare pussy against his sensitive cock. He whines and keens off the bed, the high singing in his veins. He swears he can almost imagine the way you would moan.

His eyes open, the spell broken. He’s alone, covered in his own spend, chest heaving like he just ran a 10k. He avoids his reflection when he walks into the bathroom to clean up. His loneliness spikes again and he heads to the kitchen, reaching for the first bottle he can find.

—

“You’re late,” He says stiffly, crossing his arms as he watches you cross the space to sit at your desk.

The day after he’d gotten off thinking of you he’d had the slightest difficulty looking at you. It quickly faded, he was too greedy. Too needy, if he’s being honest. He can’t get enough, he doesn’t know if he could ever say it but you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

You’re openly frazzled; your shirt isn’t tucked in, your hair is a little more frizzy than usual and you look as tired as ever. He regrets his biting tone immediately.

Even as you explain you’re moving, setting your to-go mug on the desk, fetching your calendar, booting up your computer. “I know, I’m sorry, Mr. Bateman. My sisters were less than cooperative this morning.”

Nathan turns completely away from the bins he’s been searching through, raising a brow at you in surprise, “Your sisters?”

“Yes— one is 7 the other is 14. The little made getting out of the house…difficult,” You murmur distractedly, eyes trained on your screen.

“Isn’t that your parents’ fucking job?”

His question snaps you back to the present— you hadn’t shared nearly as much as you could’ve. But you’d gone into this job wanting to be nameless and faceless. Memorable only for the quality of the work you do.

You shake your head, daring a quick glance in his direction that you immediately regret when your eyes meet his.“I realized that I’ve shared far too much about my personal life. I should work, Mr. Bateman.”

Nathan immediately understands your deflecting. How many times has he been asked by reporters and interviewers where his family is? Enough times that he’s had his publicist strike the topic from the acceptable lists. That was about all he was good for anyway, Nathan says what he wants when he wants.

He goes back to the task at hand— though now with you here he doesn’t quite remember what that was. A part…some sort of part that he needed. Wires? Screws? A metal plate? He sighs in frustration and leaves without another word.

Your gaze is on the door as soon as it shuts, making sure he’s gone. The tears that you’ve been biting back fall and you bury your face in your hands. Your youngest sister had begged and pleaded for you to stay warm in bed with her this morning. With your mother so sick, you’ve practically raised her yourself these last few years. It makes her needy, which you understand. But what she doesn’t understand is how delicate the balance you found in caring for your entire family is. Middle sister lacks just as much understanding, with heaps of attitude. She doesn’t want to snuggle with you or with younger sister. Mediating this entire situation is what made you late.

It feels like you’re cracking under the pressure but that isn’t an option, is it? As if the universe wants to make it clear, your computer chimes. It’s Nathan, asking you to come to his office.

—

He’d meant to go clear his head in his office and come back to get whatever part he was in need of. But, when he sat in his chair he was met with the sight of you hunched over your desk, presumably crying by the way your shoulders jerked every once and a while.

He’s pinging you before he can think better of it. He watches you read his message. You’re such an anomaly— you sit up immediately, reaching for some tissues and cleaning yourself up as if nothing happened. You even check yourself in the reflection of your computer, fidgeting with your hair, tucking in your shirt once you stand. As soon as you start out of the office he turns off his monitors, not one to be caught snooping around though it’s right and was clear in the contract. Maybe you’ve forgotten. Perhaps you don’t think your anything worth watching…Nathan would like to change that assumption.

“You pinged me, sir?”

How would he play this? He couldn’t admit that he just watched you cry.

“Trying my hand at this apologizing shit again. I— Nathan Bateman— am sorry for being insensitive. Like I said last time, I don’t know your life or you. Alright, how was that?”

“I would say a solid, 5/10, which is a 50% improvement.”

“Fuck me, you’re a tough crowd. What am I docked for? You know I’m all about perfection.”

“There was a lack of originality. And you omitted your middle name.”

It takes everything in Nathan not to giggle. The way the words come out of your mouth are so funny… or maybe he’s just obsessed. It could be both. “My middle name is classified information.”

“Does Wikipedia know that?” You ask, tilting your head in that uncanny way.

Nathan can’t hold in his laugh this time, running a hand over his beard, “You’re funnier than you look.”

Your mouth twitches, and you give him the smallest nod, “Thank you, sir. Is that all?”

He pretends to think about it. “This apology is feeling pretty one-sided to me.”

“I accept your apology, Mr. Bateman, thank you.”

“Accept something else,” He proposes, going out on a limb. Suddenly your stare is too intense, the room is too hot and small. What the fuck is he doing?

“What’s that?” You ask, as soft and sweet as ever.

“Dinner. Tomorrow,” He says simply.

“With you?”

Nathan ignores the twinge in his heart— your tone barely changed. If he wasn’t with you every single day, studying you, he wouldn’t even have noticed.

“I can invite the droids if you want. They’ll just stare at us while we eat.”

Your hand tightens around your planner. Dinner with Nathan…choosing to be around him? It seemed like as of late he was trying to be…more palatable. This could be an act of good faith. But, you have your sisters and mother to think about. You’ve given her nurse enough overtime hours in the last few weeks.

“Without getting too personal, I don’t think I’ll be able to swing it sir, I have to get home to my sisters as soon as possible.”

Yes, your family, that you never talk about. He could accommodate, what’s he the fucking boss for if he can’t?

“We’ll do it early.”

You sway a little as you think about this— that’s new, he thinks to himself, filing that information away for later.

“You’ve already got me apologizing, I can’t add saying please to the list of acceptable behaviors. I’ll lose my fucking edge.”

“How early?”

“3:30.”

“Alright, then, sir.”

nathan taglist: @missdictatorme, @hon3yboy, @runa-falls, @campingwiththecharmings, @toracainz, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, @jdbxws, @crispysublimecupcake, @sub-aro, @faretheeoscar, @cupidysm, @whentheskyispinkandabitblue , @nova-ivy541, @sparkypantelones, @veritable-trash, @mangoslushcrush, @kotaropuppy

#nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman x f!reader #nathan bateman x fem!reader #nathan bateman #nathan bateman fanfiction #ex machina fanfiction #in plain sight #arson writes #not sfw

281 notes · View notes

justalia · 5 months

Text

The Self

i haven’t been here in a while and i’ve been exploring the law more and more, gaining even more insight.

i know i haven’t been active as much as i was before but as i said i will come on here to write about what i feel needs to be shared instead of just yapping and sharing things i don’t feel strongly about or just repeat myself.

this is a concept that has been discussed and talked about by many, me included. i personally have always wondered a lot about this, i have understood the concept in theory and applied it too but never managed to live by it, until now.

“The Inner Man”

this is how most of us know the concept i’m talking about, this is the name we’ve all collectively given it. i bet you’ve read the phrase “you are the inner man” several times, hell i have preached it several times.

i think thinking of it in this way sometimes tends to create separation between “you” (the human you) and the you in imagination. at least that’s how i felt when i first read about it last year when i was first approaching the law, even if that’s not what the people who write about it are trying to say.

the idea we’ve all seen repeated over and over by bloggers is that the real you is in imagination and you should identify with the inner man and satisfy your desire with the feeling of having said desire because “that’s what you actually want”.

and that’s partially true.

the inner man’s concept in the way that it is worded inevitably creates separation and makes you believe there’s two entities, the physical you and the one in imagination and that you have to put effort into identifying with the one inside or just “have faith” that it is true.

i don’t know about you but both effort and blind belief have given me problems in the long run because the truth is that you need to study this and understand it for yourself to truly know what this means. knowing something requires no effort and no belief, you just KNOW it is like that and nothing can move you from that. same as knowing the sky is blue, you don’t just “believe” it, nor it requires effort for you to identify the sky as blue, you just know it.

Q. but i can see the sky is blue! i know it is blue because i have proof.

knowing doesn’t always necessarily require physical proof, it can just require understanding and realization and that is what i want you to achieve at the end of this post.

you need to get to a point of knowing you are the one inside and not just “trusting” it or believing it because that is what everyone tells you to do, if you don’t sit on the concept and realize it for yourself blind belief will only take you so far. i suggest you’d do your own research and study everything that inspires you in this law, there’s several places where you can find the source and believe me when i tell you no blogger can be as helpful as your own realizations.

as all feelings of separation, even this separation between the imaginal you and the human body will inevitably bring you troubles in the long run. believing that they are both you will bring confusion and fears inevitably arise. you feel anxiety, you have fearful thoughts and you freak out because as long as you believe it is you, you will inevitably assign it a meaning and that will lead you to think it has some impact on you and you don’t have any control over what happens.

you will start to think that since you had this thought it means you are “out of the state” so it will affect your “manifestation”, you’ll start to think that anything you imagine takes life and expresses without you having any real control over it. you will start to think you are the thoughts, the feelings, the states and you will start to desperately try to control them and/or yourself or better what you believe to be yourself.

you will feel you are your mind and have no control over it, you will lose the safety you once felt inside of imagination and you will not feel alone inside of it.

Self

the Self i’m talking about is the real you and the only one.

sit back in a comfortable position and relax for a few moments, try to quiet the mind, observe the thoughts, drop the judgements.

who am i?

ask yourself this question.

let thoughts come and observe them.

who is observing? your Self.

are you the thoughts or are you the one observing them?

are you the fears or are you observing them?

are you the anxiety or are you observing it?

are you the body or are you observing it?

are you the mind or are you observing it?

are you the thing perceived or the perceiver?

who is that?

The Self.

the one and only self.

there is no imaginal you and physical you. you are the perceiver of all things, you are the dreamer. there is no “i must look for the feeling because that’s how things get expressed” there is no feeling to look for, no effort put into fulfilling one Self whatsoever because once you’ve realized who you are that’s only natural to experience what you want inside, there is no craving for outside validation because the body is not who you are.

the Self inside has experienced it and that’s the only thing you will crave because You have experienced it.

i’m not gonna tell you it won’t take a tiiiiny bit of “effort” AT FIRST to identify with your real Self whenever you’re involved with the ego, because we have habits and habits such as identifying with the ego are not immediately let go of. but i don’t even wanna call it effort because once you hit the realization of who you really are you will WANT to go back to that, it will inevitably feel wrong to identify with the ego because even if comfortable you’ve realized that is not you, it will feel temporary whenever you go back to being the ego.

you don’t need to intentionally identify with the “inner self” aka the only identity you have, you are unlimited consciousness CHOOSING to identify with the ego and the body.

IT’S NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

that’s why you struggle with this. because you think you have to do something to identify with the self when you simply already are, you just let go of the ego identity you’re so desperate for right now.

330 notes · View notes

tarotphlow · 1 year

Text

Astro Observations 8

🌻Saturn in the 3H natives tend to have difficulties with phones or cars, whether that be always having a broken phone, or their car literally just not wanting to work for whatever reason

🌻Looking at what sign is located on your 12H could give you insight on to what life was like while you were in the womb. Ex: my 12H is in sag, before I was born my mother would pray constantly for her to have another chance at being a mother, she ended up having a kid with a man from a completely different state. (♐️ rules travel and religion).

🌻Have a big secret you need to get off your chest? Tell a Scorpio Mercury, they will never tell a single soul. I’m friends with a lot of Scorpio Merc’s and it’s amazing how well they can hold they’re water. (Hm, on second thought this might just be for scorp placements in general 🧐)

🌻7H placements how do you do it? Being so desirable to the point that people say they want to marry you without knowing anything about you at all? I just know y’all just smile 😀politely with so many confusing thoughts in y’all’s heads 😭

🌻I’ve noticed cap Venus will always gravitate to dating someone out of their age range.

🌻unlikely duo that actually goes super well with each other is Gemini and Scorpio. I think this has to do with how intelligent both of them are, this combo reminds me of detectives in a way.

🌻with NN going into Aries soon, Libra placements are gonna see a lot of stuff they buried in the distant past come back(like past life stuff 🕰️), probably gonna be a time of relearning some of those old old lessons or just seeing how well you developed since your last life!

🌻Moon in the 3H with a harmonious aspect with Uranus= extremely talented at vidya games 🎮

🌻If you have Gemini in the 6H you should try your hand at an online job, not as a profession but just as a job.

🌻Neptune aspecting your sun could indicate having trouble figuring out what you want to do in life.

🌻Uranus aspecting midheaven seems like you could be either really popular, really really weird or something of the two, but hey at least your smart😭😭

🌻Taurus Is definitely a foodie we know that, but surprisingly Capricorn is also kinda a glutton too lol, I have know idea why but I’ve noticed a lot of caps in my life really live for a good meal lots of savory things and also really really big on desserts as well. They also have sensitive noses, I mean scent is responsible for 80% of our taste so I guess that makes sense.

🌻our brains stop developing at age 25 and become a fully fledged functioning adult with no more growth which is really interesting because the profection year for age 25 is in Taurus which is the sign of stability.

🌻I really feel for Saturn dominants, they really just get the hardest trials out of everyone and expected to just be okay with that, Yk a lot of people say Saturn is gonna reward them and blah blah, but like I feel sometimes they’re trials are kind of unnecessary? Other planet ruled people (besides Scorpios) learn those exact same lessons but less harsher and the reward they get is quite possibly equivalent to Saturns soo idk… I feel like Saturn is just a bit much. (Let’s discuss this I’m curious to know what people have to say 🤓)

End of observations! I hope you all enjoy these as much as I did!

(Likes and reposts are appreciated! 💛)

#astrology #astro community #astro observations #astro placements #astro notes #astro posts #astro blurbs #astro

1K notes · View notes

svn-bangtan · 11 months

Text

Seven (Clean version?)

»pairing: Idol!Jungkook x reader

»genre: BTS | 13+ | Fluff

»wc/date: 3.1k | July 2023

» warnings: Based on Seven music video? Mentions of smut? Jungkook being Jungkook.

»Summary: After ending her 7 year relationship Y/n shares that her breakup with Jungkook was partially due to his unrealistic desire for sex seven days a week. If that wasn’t enough, Y/n seemingly keeps seeing Jungkook everywhere. Just know a lot has happened in the seven days they have been apart

» notes: I was thinking about making an explicit version of this, but haven’t decided if I should, so you all should let me know.

» m.list | Taglist | Thoughts? Comments? Concerns

Seoul's bustling city lights painted a vivid canvas as Y/n and Jimin sat in a secret and quiet area of their favorite restaurant, savoring the delectable flavors of their homeland. The aroma of sizzling Korean delicacies filled the air, adding to the festive atmosphere of the lively eatery.

Jimin couldn't resist his playful nature, and as he took a sip of his tea, he asked with a mischievous grin, "Okay, so let me get this straight, you broke up last week with Jungkook because he wants to fuck you right seven days a week?" His laughter was infectious, causing Y/n to sigh in defeat.

"Seriously, Jimin? Is that all you think about?" Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, unable to hold back a smile. "Yes, that's one of the reasons, but it's not the only one. Our physical relationship became overwhelming, and I didn't expect that to be such a challenge in our relationship."

Jimin couldn't stop laughing, imagining poor Jungkook keeping track of his seven-day schedule. "I can't even imagine! How does he have that much energy? Is he secretly training for the Olympics?"

Y/n chuckled, playing along with Jimin's comedic flair. "You should know, you used to live with him! Maybe he's been doing some intense stamina training behind my back."

Jimin laughed heartily, "Oh, Y/n, you always have the most interesting stories. Who would've thought that 'too much love' could be an issue?"

"Do you think I'm being silly?" Y/n asked, her tone more serious.

Jimin reached out and patted his friend's hand reassuringly. "Not at all! Relationships are complicated, and each one is unique. What matters is how you feel and what you need. Relationships should have a healthy balance of emotional and physical connection. Maybe he didn't fully understand how exhausting it was for you."

"Do you think so?" Y/n asked, hoping for some insight from his ever-entertaining friend.

Jimin nodded thoughtfully. "Well, you know how guys can sometimes get carried away by their 'manly urges.' Perhaps he thought he was auditioning for a K-drama series titled 'Seven Nights of Passion.'"

Y/n couldn't help but giggle at the mental image. "Okay, that's enough pun-ishment for me."

Jimin grinned. "Deal! But in all seriousness, communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel. If he truly cares about you, he'll understand and find a way to meet you halfway."

Y/n nodded, feeling grateful for his friend's support. "You're right, Jimin. It's time for a serious heart-to-heart. No puns, no innuendos, just a genuine conversation about our needs and expectations."

Jimin raised an eyebrow playfully. "Wait, no puns? Are you sure you're not pun-ishing me too harshly?"

Y/n laughed, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. "Okay, just one pun. But only if you promise to be serious when I need it."

With a grin, Jimin encouraged Y/n to continue, "Anyways, tell me more, spill the spicy details!"

"Well," Y/n began, "ever since we decided to take a break, I swear I've been seeing Jungkook everywhere. It's like he's haunting me or something."

Jimin raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Everywhere? Like how?"

Y/n nodded, looking a bit flustered. "Well..."

Y/n sat on the train, her earphones on, listening to her favorite K-pop playlist. The rhythmic beats tried to drown out her thoughts, but memories of Jungkook kept resurfacing. She leaned her head against the window, feeling a mix of emotions from nostalgia to frustration.

As the train pulled to a stop at a station, Y/n glanced up from her reverie and caught a glimpse of something that made her heart skip a beat. There, just outside the window, hanging onto the train was Jungkook, his signature smile plastered on his face. He waved enthusiastically, trying to get her attention.

Y/n blinked, thinking she must be imagining things again. "No way," she mumbled to herself, her eyes widening as she looked again. "This can't be real."

But there he was, unmistakably Jungkook, waving like a happy kid. A shiver ran down Y/n's spine, and she decided to pull out her earphones to make sure she wasn't hearing things too.

The music stopped, and the train's ambient noises filled the void. Y/n's heart pounded in her chest as she stared at Jungkook outside the train. "What on earth is going on?" she whispered, her mind racing with disbelief.

She leaned back in her seat, trying to gather her thoughts, hoping that this was all a bizarre coincidence. "Okay, breathe, Y/n. It's probably just someone who looks like him," she said, attempting to reassure herself.

Summoning the courage to face the possibility, Y/n looked up once more, and her jaw dropped. Jungkook was still there, hanging on the outside of the train, waving even more enthusiastically now.

"Y/n, are you alright?" a concerned voice asked from the seat next to her.

She turned to find an elderly woman looking at her with worry in her eyes. "I, uh, I think I just saw someone I know outside the train," Y/n stammered, trying to make sense of it all.

The woman chuckled kindly. "Oh, dear. Must be your mind playing tricks on you. Don't worry too much about it."

Nodding, Y/n closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. "You're right. Maybe I need some sleep or something."

When she opened her eyes again and looked outside, Jungkook was gone. The train had already left the station, and there was no sign of him anywhere.

"Y/n, are you sure you're okay?" the woman asked again, genuine concern in her voice.

Y/n managed a weak smile. "I think I will be. Thank you for checking on me."

Jimin chuckled, "That's your mind playing tricks on you, Y/n. It's common after a breakup to see the person you were with in random places."

"It sounds ridiculous, I know!" Y/n chuckled, "But wait, there's more. Another time, when I was walking home in the afternoon, I swear I saw him lying lifeless in the middle of the street. But when the paramedics came, he suddenly got up and chased after me with flowers!"

Jimin couldn't contain his laughter, "This is better than a K-drama! You should write a romantic comedy based on your experiences! Or, you know, since Jungkook is part of the biggest group in the world, not to brag, this could make a very good music video."

Y/n chuckled, "You got jokes Jimin, I know it sounds crazy! But wait, there's more. One stormy night, I was walking home, and he was once again following me, and as the wind picked up, he flew away!"

Jimin's eyes widened with amusement, "Y/n, you've got quite the imagination! Flying ex-boyfriends are a new one for me!"

"And it doesn't end there, I also dreamt of going to his funeral," Y/n continued, "and he wasn't even dead! He used it as an opportunity to finally talk to me. Can you believe it?"

Jimin burst into laughter again, "You are one crazy dreamer, my friend!"

Y/n couldn't help but laugh along with Jimin. "I know, it's ridiculous! I must be losing my mind."

Jimin placed a comforting hand on Y/n's shoulder. "You're not losing your mind, Y/n. Breakups can mess with your emotions and make you see things differently. But you know what? Maybe all these wild experiences are just a way for your subconscious to process the breakup and your feelings for Jungkook."

"Do you think so?" Y/n asked, feeling a bit more reassured.

"Absolutely!" Jimin exclaimed. "But remember, you need to talk to Jungkook honestly about how you feel. Maybe he's been trying to reach out to you and make things right."

Y/n nodded, "You're right, Jimin. I can't keep avoiding him forever. We need to have a sit-down conversation."

Jimin smiled, "That's the spirit! You've got this, Y/n. And no more flying ex-boyfriends, okay?"

Y/n laughed, "Deal! No more wild imaginings. Just a simple, honest conversation."

Its Wednesday, and like always the laundromat was bustling with customers, and Y/n found herself in the midst of the chaos, trying to navigate her way through the maze of washing machines. Clutching her laundry basket, she sighed, wondering if she would ever get her laundry done in peace.

Little did she know that lurking behind her, sitting nonchalantly on top of some washing machines, was none other than Jungkook, with his hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie. He watched her intently, ready to seize any opportunity to talk to her.

As Y/n moved to the next row of washing machines, Jungkook stealthily followed, trying to get her attention. "Y/n, please, just talk to me! You love when I jump right in, I'm offering all of me and I can show you what devotion is, " he implored with puppy dog eyes.

Ignoring him, Y/n pretended not to notice and continued sorting her laundry. She hoped that he would get the message and leave her alone, but Jungkook seemed persistent.

"You wrap around me and you give me life" he insisted, stepping closer to her, "And that's why night after night, I'll be fucking' you right!"

Y/n's patience was wearing thin, and the laundromat's chaos was only adding to her stress. She tried to maintain her cool, but Jungkook's continuous pestering was getting under her skin.

As they stood across from each other, the unthinkable happened – the laundromat started to flood! At first, Y/n didn't pay much attention to it, thinking it was just a minor issue with the machines. But as the water reached ankle-deep, she realized something was seriously wrong.

"Oh great, just what I needed," Y/n muttered, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the situation.

But Jungkook continued to love-bomb her, completely oblivious to the fact that they were now standing in knee-deep water. "We can have the most amazing time together!"

The situation was becoming absurd, and Y/n couldn't believe Jungkook's persistence. As they continued to stand across from each other, the water in the laundromat started to rise steadily.

"I can leave you with an afterglow if you just let me." Jungkook pleaded, seemingly oblivious to the rising water.

"Do you not see what's happening?" Y/n exclaimed, gesturing to the water around them. "The place is flooding, and all you can think about is getting back together?"

Jungkook smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I guess I got carried away with my feelings."

"Do you always have to make everything about you?" Y/n snapped, frustration boiling over. "I need space to think, and you're not making it easy."

As the water reached their knees, Jungkook's determination didn't waver. "I'll do anything to make you happy, Y/n. Just tell me what you want, and I'll do it."

"Do you really think you can fix everything with just words?" Y/n said, shaking her head. "Actions speak louder, you know."

The water continued to rise, reaching their chests now. Y/n couldn't believe the absurdity of the situation. "This is insane. I can't believe I'm standing here, having this conversation with you while we're both drenched!"

Jungkook seemed undeterred by the flood, still trying to get closer to Y/n. "I love you, Y/n, and I'll do anything to prove it."

"Do you even hear yourself?" she exclaimed, exasperated. "This is not romantic; it's just ridiculous."

As the water continued to rise, Y/n decided she'd had enough. Without any warning, she took a deep breath and dived underwater, trying to escape Jungkook's relentless pursuit. To her surprise, Jungkook followed suit, diving after her like a determined swimmer.

Y/n emerged from underneath the water of the flooded laundromat, gasping for breath as she coughed up water. She looked around, expecting to see Jungkook still pursuing her with that playful grin on his face, but to her surprise, there was no trace of him anywhere.

"Did he finally give up?" she wondered aloud, scanning the area. The water had risen considerably, and the laundromat was now a watery mess. Customers were evacuating, and staff members were rushing to address the flooding.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Y/n decided it was time to leave. She waded through the water, heading towards the exit. As she stepped out onto the street, she glanced back at the laundromat one last time, half-expecting Jungkook to pop out from behind a machine or splash around in the water.

But there was still no sign of him.

"What is going on?" She asks herself. Shrugging off her doubts, Y/n decided to focus on more pressing matters – like finding a dry place to change out of her soaking-wet clothes

As the rain poured down on the darkened streets, Y/n walked with a heavy heart, her clothes drenched from the unexpected downpour. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions, and she couldn't help but feel a mix of frustration and amusement at the reason behind her breakup with Jungkook. Who would've thought that their love would be tested by something as absurd as seven-day-a-week intimacy?

As she trudged along, she heard faint footsteps behind her, and when she turned around, she half-expected to see Jungkook standing there, his smile cheeky as ever. But the street was empty, and she sighed, "Great, now I'm even imagining Jungkook in the rain. I'm officially losing it."

But the footsteps persisted, and to her utter surprise, when she turned back around, there he was – Jungkook, looking as soaked and bedraggled as she felt. He was panting slightly from running to catch up with her.

"Y/n!" Jungkook exclaimed between breaths, "I knew I'd find you. I can't let you walk home alone in this rain."

She blinked in disbelief, unsure if she was hallucinating or not. "You followed me in the rain to apologize for the whole seven-days-a-week thing?"

Jungkook nodded earnestly, water dripping from his hair. "Yes, I need to talk to you. I realized how ridiculous and unfair it was of me to expect that from you. I'm sorry, Y/n."

"Do you have any idea how silly that whole thing was?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Jungkook's eyes widened, and he chuckled, "Yeah, I know. It sounds absurd now that I think about it."

"Do you have any idea how tired I would be if we actually attempted that?" Y/n continued, unable to suppress her laughter any longer.

Jungkook grinned sheepishly, "Yeah, it would've been impossible, huh?"

"Absolutely!" she replied, her laughter ringing in the rain-soaked air. "I mean, did you think we were training for an Olympic event or something?"

"I guess I got carried away with my 'manly urges,'" Jungkook admitted with a playful shrug.

Y/n shook her head in amusement, "Well, lesson learned, I hope. Next time, let's not turn our relationship into a K-drama plot."

"I promise," Jungkook said, his eyes sparkling with sincerity. "I won't let something so silly come between us again."

"Do you really expect me to take you back after all this?" she teased, enjoying the moment of lightheartedness.

Jungkook stepped closer, raindrops creating a misty barrier between them. "Yes, I do. Because I realized that I love you, Y/n. And not just for seven days a week, but every single day, no matter the weather."

Her heart fluttered at his words, and she couldn't help but be charmed by his determination and genuine remorse. "You're lucky I have a soft spot for silly boys like you," she said, her lips curling into a playful smile.

"Then does that mean you'll take me back?" Jungkook asked, hope evident in his eyes.

Y/n pretended to ponder for a moment, then stuck out her hand. "Well, since you're already soaked and looking like a lost puppy, I suppose you can walk me home."

Jungkook's face broke into a wide grin as he took her hand, interlocking their fingers. "Deal! And I promise no more crazy demands, just a whole lot of love and laughter."

As they walked side by side in the rain, laughter and joyous banter filling the air, Jungkook couldn't help himself but playfully sing, "I'll be loving you right, seven days a week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday."

"That would be a catchy song," Jungkook remarked, looking pleased with himself.

Y/n's eyes sparkled mischievously as she recalled her conversation with Jimin earlier. "You know," she said, "if you ever decide to make a music video for that song, I have a fun plot idea."

Jungkook raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh, really? Do tell."

"Well," Y/n began, "imagine this – a guy who's obsessed with the idea of love seven days a week. He tries to make his partner happy with grand gestures, but it's all a bit much for her. She's tired and overwhelmed, just like I was. And the guy, played by you, keeps popping up everywhere she goes, just like you did in my crazy imaginings."

Jungkook laughed, "So, basically a music video version of our ridiculous situation?"

"Exactly!" Y/n grinned. "It would be comedic and lighthearted, showing that love can be wonderful and fun but also overwhelming if taken to the extreme."

"I love it," Jungkook said, nodding appreciatively. "And you know what? We could even do an explicit version of the song, where I say 'fucking' instead of 'loving,' just to make it a clear representation of what we just went through."

Y/n burst into laughter, covering her mouth in amusement. "Oh, Jungkook! Only you would come up with such an idea. It's genius and utterly ridiculous at the same time."

He winked at her, "That's what I do best."

Y/n looked at him, an amused glint in her eyes, and asked, "Were you there on Wednesday at the laundromat when it flooded?"

Jungkook looked confused, "What? No, I wasn't."

With a grin, Y/n confessed, "After we separated, I started seeing you in the most weird situations, like at the laundromat, and I thought I was losing my mind."

Jungkook burst into laughter, "Really? I would love to hear about all the places you found me!"

As they continued their walk in the rain, they couldn't help but be grateful for the silliness and laughter that had brought them back together. The idea of a music video, even if it was just in jest, gave them a sense of comfort and closure.

"I'm glad we can laugh about it now," Y/n said, looking at Jungkook fondly. "It shows how much we've grown together and how we can handle anything that comes our way."

Jungkook smiled warmly, pulling her closer as they walked back home.

#jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #bangtan #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #bts #bts fic #jungguk smut #jungguk x reader #jungkook x you #Jungkook #seven jungkook

313 notes · View notes

adracat · 5 days

Text

Law of Casuality Write-Up (Pt.1?)

Warning!!: the following contains self-indulgence to the likes you’ve never seen before

Law of Causality: The proposition that everything in the universe has a cause and is thus an effect of that cause

Happy Sulemio week! Since it’s Fantasy Day, I decided to finally get cracking on this freeform analysis of my G-Witch series— Law of Causality. I’ve mentioned before this may be my favorite thing I’ve ever written. I was in a manic ADHD-fixation trance while writing this series. If you want the literary version of a triple-layer myth cake, this may be for you. I was considering an essay-style dissection but that’s taking too long. So here are my loose insights into this series as a whole!

Art by my friend Tay, or @TaruhtQarineXiV on Twitter

As Above, So Below: Where it all began. I’ve mentioned in the A/Ns that this was spawned from my deep looks into what the show was taking inspiration from (imo). It’s my little love letter to Sulemio and gwitch, which quickly grew into something more.

Queen in White/King in Red—Beyond the alchemy, I wanted titles that sounded fairytale-esque while also hinting toward another mythos. Hastur or the King in Yellow (Signalis and True Detective enjoyers know that name) The initial King in Yellow appears in Haïta the Shepherd as the benevolent god of shepherds; a domain Hastur shares with Mercury. The short story is about the impermanence of happiness and how it can only be found once you stop seeking it. It’s a theme I ran with for the entirety of LoC, particularly Elnora. The later incarnations of Hastur are malicious eldritch figures. Suletta vs Prospera 😊

On Faerytales: LoC is obsessed with cycles and the rhyming of history. To me, fairytales embody that perfectly. The oral traditions of them are never the exact same, flavored with variations throughout the years. It’s how we got mythology to local folklore to Brothers Grimm to Disney renditions. That’s why I used Eros and Psyche and Sleeping Beauty for Suletta and Miorine (I’m convinced the show does this too but ymmv)

The latter is inspired by the former with Psyche placed under a sleeping torpor Eros breaks. In Sleeping Beauty, the offending curse is a spindle and she’s barricaded by a witch in the form of a dragon. The Hawthorn serves as Mio’s ‘spindle’ as she suffers depression and isolation in the wake of her mother’s vanishing. Prospera (coded as witch Satan) is the dragon. Notrette is the fairies bearing gifts. In a twist, Suletta wakes her with Love as Anteros in the place of Eros. Yes I layered this cake excessively. It’s probably still confusing; I’m sorry.

Tldr; I used Sleeping Beauty alongside Greek myth.

Chaos and Night: Paradise Lost twisted into a toxic witch romance. One of the most insane ideas I’ve had, but I adore it to bits. Both Prospera and Notrette are vested to the teeth with mythology and theology.

Notrette: Besides Thelema’s Nuit/Babalon and cuing her as ‘God’, as a being of creation, opposed to the Devil, I fit so much into her character. She’s Lilith, Pandora, Circe, Ceres, Virgin Mary, the Morrigan, Ariadne, a deconstruction of the Mother Goddess from neopaganism, and the capricious Queen of Elphame from folklore.

Another figure I styled her after is White Boann, the Dagda’s mistress and wife to Nechtan (cognate with Nuada or the silver-hand) which is where you get the hazel tree link. Boann names her son Aengus because the Dagda was her ‘one desire’.

Circling back to Paradise Lost, she also plays the willing Eve who falls to Satan’s temptation in place of Miorine. There’s likely things I’m forgetting; I was so normal plotting her character.

Elnora: What can I say about this glorious wreck that wasn’t in the text? Venus, The red dragon Satan, the Beast from revelation, pagan Horned God, Neptune to Ceres, Theseus and Bacchus to Ariadne, Prometheus to Pandora, every Phosphoros, etc I’d be here all day. She’s coded as Orion the hunter who’s undone by Gaia and also the Teumessian fox to Suletta’s Laelaps. I mentioned she’s the riders of the apocalypse at the end too. White Rider is Suletta but her mom fulfills the rest; ‘Riding’ Vim as War, Riding Belmeria as Famine while wielding the ‘scales’ (Notrette as Libra) Finally, she wears the visage of death to bring Pestilence to the kingdom. I squeezed in the other omens of revelation with symbolism such as the crown of wormwood (Revelation 8:11)

When it comes to her role as Prometheus, I coded both Delling and Mio as birds of Venus (swallow and dove respectfully.) It’s meant to symbolize the ‘eagle’ devouring her was primarily herself all along. She was the architect of her ruin, lampshaded by Notrette from the beginning.

Remember Haïta the Shepherd? In the story, there is a maiden whom embodies the ephemeral nature of happiness. Notrette is Elnora’s transformative destruction into cathartic acceptance/happiness. In Paradise Lost, Satan succeeds at banishing Eve and Adam from the garden but similarly fails when he’s turned into a snake. She’s lucky I was more metaphorical.

I liberally used Revelation 12, the woman and the dragon, as well. Look at me shipping crackships from the Bible. This is mostly self-explanatory, ofc Christ is genderbent and a role shared by Sulemio. Mio’s allergy to iron doubles as a nod to this, since she doesn’t take her father’s kingdom in this universe.

There is more, such as Dionysis/Bacchus being a many-faced god with younger and older versions paralleling the Horned God’s dual aspects and the Dagda’s relationship to Aengus which led to me pitting Suletta as a lighter mirror of Elnora. But I’ll leave it here for now.

Writing this all out has me questioning what I was on, and how I can reproduce it. If you got this far, thank you for humoring my unabahed love for this world. Happy Fantasy Day, Sulemios! ❤️

#g witch #where Adra gushes over her own nonsense #gundam witch from mercury #adracatwrites #suletta mercury #miorine rembran #sulemio #as above so below #the witch from mercury #prospera mercury #notrette rembran #sulemioweek24

56 notes · View notes

honey-flustered · 2 years

Text

Cruel Little Vixen 1

Rockstar!Perv!Eddie Munson x Journalist!Reader

Enemies to Friends to Lovers (18+MDNI)

Summary: Lacking in magazine sales, your boss assigns you to follow the life of Lead Singer/Guitarist of Corroded Coffin ‘Francis The Freak’ a.k.a. Eddie Munson for a month to write an article that could potentially save the magazine. Eddie Munson wanted fame but didn’t know the consequences of this include pretending to be someone he’s not. When rumors begin to float around causing some notoriety for his reputation, his manager agrees to an exposé of his life to make him seem nicer to a broader audience much to Eddie’s chagrin. Now the two of you are set to make your time together a living hell.

A/N: So my side blog Usetheeauthor has been shadowbanned for about 3 days now. I’m currently working on getting that undone but until then will be posting some of my work here. This is a new story. It’s 8 parts maybe. It was meant to be a one shot smut but I love writing series so here we go!

>>>>>Series Masterlist Part 1 of 8

Series Music Playlist

Word Count: 5.0k+

Warnings: graphic language, violence, sexual content, sexual tension, misogyny, gross!eddie, perv!eddie, mean!eddie, mean!reader

It’s Friday night and the air is thick. Bodies pressed up against bodies yet it to each fan present it was all worth it. The crowd roars as the members of the band Corroded Coffin walk onto the stage. There was Drummer Jessie Blue, Bass Guitarist Mel Tomas, Background Vocals/Pianist Judas Argo, and finally…Lead Guitarist/Lead Vocals Francis The Freak, the man you once knew as Eddie Munson.

When he got famous, he changed more than just his name. He was an entirely different guy from who you knew back in high school. You never knew him much. Hardly crossed paths but he was actually quite polite the few encounters you’ve had. Now you couldn’t help but roll your eyes every time you see him on TV. He’s an absolute douchebag yet his fans eat it up. Trying to see the appeal would be considered beyond your comprehension.

Tonight was the night you’d put your disdain for him aside. You needed to remain professional if you were going to get through this article about ‘Francis The Freak’. Your job had assigned you the mission to spend an entire month with the rockstar gaining insight on his personal life as a means of bringing up sales for the magazine company. You hesitantly accepted the mission. Although you knew this could be your big break, you couldn’t possibly see yourself enjoying this time knowing the kind of person Eddie was now. Nonetheless, you took the challenge, attending the concert as your first assignment in diving into the life of the rockstar.

Your intentions for the article was to write the truth regardless of the ugliness of it. However, the group’s manager believed you’d write anything that would make Eddie Munson look good. As ‘Francis The Freak’, Eddie had a bad reputation because of his bad boy persona. He was rude, loud, messy, violent…pretty much everything people should hate but the crowd loved it. The backlash really came from the parents of his younger fans who feared the 80s rockstar dabbled in satanic worship. This obviously affected some album sales. So in hopes of showing his humane side, the manager agreed to the exposé. It’s a quid pro quo kind of situation. They get the album sales, your company gets more magazine sales.

The metal band begins to play it’s first song, “Cruel Little Vixen” and the crowd immediately goes wild.

“Stay away from her, She’s a disaster. Rips your heart out then eats it for supper. She has no fucking desire to fit in. Watch for her fangs, She’s a cruel little vixen.”

Even if you weren’t a fan of their music, you could admit that the songs were really catchy and you’d even found yourself swaying to the rhythm. It’s captivating witnessing someone from your high school being incredibly famous. Here you were looking up at a man you once saw stood himself on top of the lunch table and make an impromptu speech about denouncing popularity. You’d always got the feeling he’d become famous. After all, he is super talented, charismatic….really good looking.

You felt like a fish out of water. You’d never been to a metal concert before and there were things that made you question whether some things were a regular occurrence. Like when the girls would beg for Eddie Munson to spit on them or the men who’d pour beers on their heads as proof of their devotion.

By the end of show, you were left both befuddled but entertained. It was quite a show and slowly you understood the hype.

Once Corroded Coffin thanked their fans, they headed off stage to their dressing quarters. This was your move now. You flashed your backstage pass to the security guards strutting your way to the dressing rooms when you noticed a line of fans waiting to meet their idols.

Scanning the area, you spotted the manager of the group trying to control the screaming fans. You walked up the man, clearing your throat. His eyes land on you, confused.

“Look, Toots, I already let these girls know that the band’s not ready to meet anyone right now. If want to see ‘em you’ve gotta wait til ya get the say so. Alright?”

“Okay. No. It’s Y/N. Not ‘Toots’. Mr. Neds, I’m from Tone Magazine. We spoke over the phone about 3 hours ago. I’m here to interview Mr. Francis.”

His face loses color and mouth goes agape, realizing his mistake. “Um, erm, I-I apologize, Ms….”

“Y/L/N,” You answered, trying not to roll your eyes. He pretended as if he didn’t remember your name. You were one of the biggest writers out there and he dared to play this act all because you were a women when he desired a male interviewer. The desire for an male interviewer solely based on the idea that you’d only fall for his charms, fuck him, and forget all about the article. It’s sexist and tasteless accusation to say the least. “Am I allowed to go in now?”

“He’s a little busy.” Mr. Neds chuckles nervously.

“I can deal with bratty rockstar behavior, Mr. Neds. I’ve got nothing to fear.” You brushed past him, walking into the dressing room only for your eyes to land on a fully clothed Eddie Munson pounding away inside a fully naked groupie girl seated spread eagle in his dressing room chair. You let out a loud gasp causing them to look in your direction. Quickly, you shut the door.

“Umm, so he was definitely ‘busy’.” You say, a tinge of embarrassment creeping up on your face.

“One second.” The manager says putting up his index finger then rushes inside. You put an ear to the door, you can hear muffled yelling. Then, the door swings open and it’s the groupie girl who’s now disheveled and angry, shooting you a look before walking away.

Mr. Neds exits the room, letting out a big breath. “So, that’s cleared.”

“O-okay, I guess I’ll go—”

“Wait,” He halts you in your tracks. “There are several things you need to know about interviewing Francis.”

“Okay.”

“So far we’ve gone through 3 interviewers before you. Francis isn’t easy to interview. In fact, he hates them so he does things to ruin them. First interviewer was a woman. Fucked him and wrote a revenge hate article about him when he avoided her calls. At least if it were a man, they wouldn’t write fake crap because they’re pissed at Francis avoiding them, too. So I hope you understand, I still have my biases about you being female.”

“A bit discriminatory since men would definitely write lies as well but go on.”

“So, first don’t fall for his flirting. Second, he’ll try to flip the interview on you. He’ll ask you questions and you’ll completely forget the task at hand. Like the second interviewer we worked with, Eddie started asking him questions, guy realizes he never wanted to be a writer and was only trying to appease his mother, never wrote the article. Lastly, Francis may not speak at all. Or he’d just give you a hard time, circling around or giving vague answers. Ended up driving the last interviewer to the brink of insanity trying to get a word out of him. Made that guy also quit the field altogether.”

“Pardon my french but he sounds like a pain in the ass.” You admitted.

“A pain in my brain to be more exact. I literally take medication to ease the amount of migraines I get dealing with these boys. But their my boys at the end of the day.”

You nod although you just couldn’t agree with someone deteriorating their health for the raising of 4 grown bratty rockstars.

“Simply remain unwavering but polite maybe slightly kiss-assery.” He continues to advise.

“I think I go it.”

“Good. Then by all means, you are free to go.” He makes a slightly bow, gesturing you to the door.

“Nice! Thank you.”

“Hey, how does she get to go inside?” One awaiting fan asks.

“Yeah?” Another chimes in.

You walked in the room, choosing to let the manager deal with that on his own. When you entered, you were given a moment to look around the room. Eddie’s bandmates were in the room the whole time in the back playing video games unfazed by his previous tryst.

You shook your head in disgust until your eyes landed on Eddie. He’s sitting on top of the vanity table, lightbulbs around the mirror shining behind him like he was a divine being. He was even more gorgeous up close. His beautiful dark curls cascading a little passed his shoulders, soft red lips, body filled with tattoos, beautiful chest sweaty with the exertion of tonight’s show, his happy trailing leading down to his leather pants constricting over his large…(gasp) He’s watching you! You immediately snapped out of your trance faking a smile.

“Mr. Francis! It’s a pleasure to meet you,” You held out your hand. “My name is Y/N Y/L/N from Tone Magazine. I’m a huge fan of your band.”

He looks down at your outstretched hand then back at your face, refusing to shake it. You awkwardly lower your hand.

“Huge fan, huh? You didn’t look like you were based off your reactions during the show.”

“Y-you seen me in the crowd.”

“You were about a couple feet away from front row. It’s kinda hard to miss.” He flicks at his lighter, lighting the cigarette dangling from his mouth.

“Right.” You nod. Obviously there were so many fans within the crowd. You still felt surprised that out of all the faces in the sea of people that he’d looked at and remembered yours.

He gestures you to have a seat. The seat where he’d recently plowed someone in.

“No thanks.” You declined.

He smirks. “Why?”

He finds this amusing!

“I’m just more comfortable standing.”

He shrugs, taking another drag his cigarette.

“S-so, could you tell me a little about your upbringing, Mr. Francis?” You pull out your little journal and pen from your jean’s pocket, anticipating his answer.

“You can call me Eddie. I’m not on stage.”

“Of course.” You nod still awaiting his answer.

He just stares back at you, smoking. He’s giving you the silent treatment. It’s cute that he thinks that that’ll work on you.

“I’m fine standing here in silence, by the way,” You say, dropping your fan persona. “Your body language will only reveal to me what you wish not to speak.”

“Oh yeah?” There’s a glint of interest in his eyes.

“Mhmm,” You confirmed. “Like the way you’re manspreading right now. It indicates to me that you wish to assert your dominance over me. I’m not intimidated though. I work mostly around men. Deal with that shit practically everyday. And this relaxed ‘i don’t give a fuck’ attitude is all act. I think you care a lot. You want this interview as badly as your manager does because you want people to love you again.”

“That all you got?”

“You’re 21, a huge metalhead in high school, liked D’n’D, and you’re a huge dork.”

He snorts then chuckles. “Anyone could get that information. In Hey Hello Magazine’s interview, I expressed some of these aspects of my childhood.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I wouldn’t voluntarily read Hey Hello Magazine. Besides, I’m just that good.” You lied obviously you went to school with him so you’d know these things but he didn’t remember you so you’ll use this to your advantage.

He hops off the vanity dresser, sauntering over to you. His combat boots hitting against the floors loud enough for you to tune out the noise of the members hooting and hollering in the background from their video game fun.

When he’s finally in front of you, he towering over you. You never remembered him to be so tall. You look up at him holding his gaze so he knew that you weren’t fazed.

“Now tell me what I’m thinking right now?” He says face only inches from yours.

“I can tell you what I’m thinking. I think you should step away from me or else I’ll be forced to defend myself. You reek of sex and sweat.”

His face is blank at first. You worried you went to far with your assertiveness but then he smiles down at you. He finds you a lot more entertaining than moments ago.

“Ya know what I’m in the mood to meet some fans. Boys! How ya feeling? Should we get out there?” Eddie calls out to his bandmates.

“Yeah, why the hell not?” Mel Tomas speaks up ending the game. The remaining boys quickly follow heading over to the front of the room.

“Wait! What about the interview?” You say while trying to hold your composure.

“We’ll get to that…eventually.” Eddie winks.

—————

Eventually was as close to never than it was to soon. Eddie purposefully took time with each fan going over the allowed time per fan. Every now and then, he’d look at you behind him, shooting you a teasing smirk. He knew you had little time on your hands with him today. This was his little game. What he didn’t know was that you were willing to be player two. For now, you’ll be patient. You’ll be good. Slowly, you could break him the way he thinks he’ll break you.

Once the signings were completed, the boys headed back to the dressing rooms to gather their things for departure. The other boys were a lot more kinder to you even asking you questions about being the only girl working as a writer for Tone Magazine.

The entire band was attractive. Attractive enough that it made you feel a little insecure. You weren’t ugly, quite the opposite actually, but you’d always worn things that people would deem you as a plain jane or basic. You didn’t stand out much because you were comfortable in the background. That’s the way you liked things. As a writer that’s how it worked, you let your words speak for you not your appearance. So it wasn’t surprising that neither of the men tried to hit on you although you couldn’t say it didn’t get to you with the way they’d flirted with the other girls.

“So how’s the first day?” Eddie asks you, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Terrible actually. I picked up no significant information out of you. If you would’ve only cooperated, I would’ve gotten what I needed for today and you’d still get to meet and greet your fans without me moping in the background.”

“Except I wanted you to suffer. I like seeing you mad at me, kitten.”

“Don’t call me that. I already had to chastise your manager for calling me ‘Toots’. I’m not your pet so don’t give me a pet name. My name is Y/N.”

“What’s your deal, anyway? Laugh a little. You’re so fucking uptight that if I were to stick a lump of coal in you, it’d come out a diamond.”

You can feel yourself begin to burn with rage. “That is a complete misconception. Coal cannot turn into diamond!”

“Way to get ‘em there, Y/N.” You thought, sarcastically.

“And I’m not uptight,” You continued, your back pressed against the dressing room door and journal clutched to your chest. “You have been rude, crass, and extremely obnoxious. You know what, I think I’ve gotten all that I needed for Day 1’s article actually. So, I thank you in a way for giving me exactly what I’ve been looking for. I can already see the headline now: Francis The Freak is a narcissistic—”

His hands slam hard against the door, resting them on either side of your head. You jolt at the sudden action, rendered speechless. He’s staring down at you the way a predator stares down at its prey but then he gives you his famous toothy smile.

“I look forward to reading it…kitten.” He whispers, saying the pet name in broken syllables for emphasis.

You stare up at him like a deer caught in headlights. Mustering up the little courage you have, you pry one hand from around you, searching around for the door knob while your eyes remained lock to his.

He looks down between you before removing himself slowly from you, his expression still littered with amusement. You managed to open the door, glaring at him one last time then walked out of the room and slammed the door behind you.

—————

“And then he called me uptight and invaded my personal space. The guy’s such a fucking asshole.” You were currently having a bottle of red wine and venting with your best friend and roommate Chrissy Cunningham.

“I know but he’s sooo hot. Ya know, he once had a huge crush on me back in high school.”

“You only ever bring it up nearly every time you see him on television.”

She chucks popcorn at you, giggling. “Shut up! I only bring it up all the time because I was so close to fucking him. When Jason and I broke up, I was more than ready to give in. I chickened out last minute because silly me had feelings for Jason. I regret it. But he did end up eating me out and I swear to you I met God that day. He didn’t even ask for anything in return just enjoyed making me cum. They don’t call him ‘freak’ for nothing.”

You and Chrissy also went to the same high school along with Eddie. You weren’t friends with her either since she was the popular cheerleader and you were more of an in-betweener. She was always very sweet so you never had any ill comments about her. When you’d both gone to college, your friendship formed there and the two of you became inseparable.

“I could’ve went on happily without knowing this,” You laughed. “I already had my pure eyes tainted by him penetrating some random girl before me.”

“That’s just the life of a rockstar, baby.” Chrissy shrugs.

“It’s exactly why I could never date a musician.”

“Yeah, same. Unless you can give me his digits.” She says sticking her tongue playfully.

“I love you too much to put you through that. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with him.”

“I’m sure they all can’t be bad. What about Jessie the drummer?”

“Oh, he’s the sweetest. Very polite. Complete opposite of Eddie. Actually had a great convo with him. Wish I were interviewing him instead but he’s not the one in need of clean slate.”

“And Mel the guitarist?”

“He’s intelligent but super condescending at times. Doesn’t mean to be, though. He’s like the philosopher of the group.”

“Judas the Pianist?”

“British.”

“British isn’t a personality trait.” She laughs.

“It might as well be. But I guess I can say he’s shy but also really funny when he gets going. The artistic one.”

“So then what does that make Francis The Freak?”

“The bad boy minus the sensitive side. Total douchebag.”

“I just can’t see that with Eddie. He was an absolute sweetheart when I knew him.”

“Fame changes you. Honestly, he’d still treat you a lot more nicer than he would me. You’re what he’s expected to interview him so he can gawk and stare at.”

“Oh, come on. You’re so pretty. If I were into girls, you’d be my type.”

You snort, shaking your head. “You’re only saying that because your my friend.”

She cups your face lifting your head to face her. “No. I mean it. And you should give him a chance. It was only the first day. You’ve got 30 more to go. Who knows maybe you’ll be a huge Francis The Freak fan at the end of it?”

You pull away from her embrace. “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.”

—————

The next day, you were given a call from your boss who didn’t seem pleased by the first article you’d written. You’d think he’d be happy with this kind of story since it would make up for the juicy content needed to boost sales.

“You could’ve at least ran it by me before you decided to publish it.” He yells into the phone.

“I’m truly sorry, Mr. Bauman. But this is my experience unfiltered. Even if you were to intervene, I’d write the same thing. The people need to know. If anything, I wasn’t nearly as a harsh as I’ve should of been.”

He sighs. “What will I do with you?”

“Maybe give me a promotion?”

“Nice try but no. You hadn’t proven to me that you’re ready for that. I believe in you. I do, Y/N. Obviously, I’m an advocate for women in male dominated work spaces but...”

You rolled your eyes, knowing where this will lead. It was always advocacy for women but you’d always receive the short-end compared to your male counterparts.

“You can’t let your emotions get the best of you.”

“So, I’m just an emotionally fueled woman is, that it?”

“Not what I said.”

“You actually did maybe not explicitly but it’s very apparent.”

“I’m only giving you advice. Boys will be boys. They’re young rockstars who are used to being hounded by interviewers. He’s obviously not taking it seriously because he’s over it but if you befriend him first then maybe he’ll get to talking.”

Now it’s your turn to sigh. “I guess I’ll be…nicer.”

“Good. Now I’ll need you to drive to this address today. 3638 Birch Street. It’s Francis’s home. You’ll be spending day 2 with him all day.”

“All day?!”

“That’s what I said. Good luck and be nice.” He quickly hangs up the phone just as you were about to protest.

You huffed. This is going to be torturous.

—————

You arrived at the home which although large was surprisingly humble for his status. Ringing the doorbell, you awaited patiently for someone to answer the door.

The door opens revealing Eddie in only a robe, his hair messy. You were surprised to see that he’d answered and not his staff. His smile quickly drops.

“Oh, it’s you.” He groans in a disappointed tone. “I was hoping it was the pizza guy.” He turns around then turns to look at you again. “Unless you have pizza.”

“No!”

He rolls his eyes and mutters, “Come in.”

“Thanks for the warm welcome.” You say sarcastically, following him in.

You looked around. There was no staff whatsoever. No guards, or maids, or butlers. Simply just Eddie. It was actually refreshing seeing someone who’s clearly so rich not care for those things.

“Did you read my article, by the way?” You say, smiling smugly.

“Yes, I did.”

“I hope you learned your—”

“I love it.” He simply states causing you to have a full stop moment.

“You love it?” You asked incredulously.

He nods. “That part where you said ‘I attempted to see his point of view in life but then I realize I couldn’t get my head that far up my ass.’ It was actually pretty clever.”

“Why aren’t you pissed off?”

He leans across the island table between you two. He’s the one that’s smug now, knowing that he’s won this round. “I think it was witty, funny, somewhat true. Except you forgot one thing.”

“What’s that?” You crossed your arms.

“That I made you blush. You felt things that you probably hadn’t felt in a long time. Possibly never.”

You stutter and stammered. “I-I’ll have you know that it wasn’t that I was blushing. I was just embarrassed by the situation entirely. I may have shown my bitchiness a bit too soon and now it’s causing this rift between us when I only meant to befriend you.”

“You were?” His eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Well, yeah. But now I’m not so sure I’d like to be friends.”

“Hey, I think we can definitely be friends. I’m willing to bury the hatchet. After all, your article did help boost my popularity a little.”

“How on earth?”

“People find the situation hilarious. Now I’m seen as some funny yet eccentric troublemaker,” He puts a hand to his chest, sporting a fake sincere look. “I’ve gotta thank you for the boost, friend.”

You seethed.

Eddie - 2, Y/N - 0

“I’m gonna go for a swim.” He says walking around the island counter.

“What about the interview?”

“Geez, you’re like a broken record. If you wish to get to know me, why not try to make it subtle and fun? You can always take a swim with me, too.”

You thought back to the advice your boss told you. You were approaching this the wrong way after all. Befriending him was your best bet.

“You can go for a swim but I’m not going in with you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have a bathing suit.”

“Just go in your underwear.”

“Oh, hardy har har but no. This is meant to be strictly professional.”

Eddie stands in front of you. You shoot him a look of confusion only to morph to shock when you notice him untying the robe.

“No.” You turn your face away the very second he throws it open.

“Relax. It’s nothing you haven’t seen.”

“I immediately excused myself when I walked in. Didn’t even allow myself the chance to linger for a second. I do not wish to see your dick now.”

“And you won’t. I’m wearing swim trunks underneath,” He puts a black polished finger under your chin, turning you to face him once again then tugs at your chin to look down. He was, in fact, wearing swim trunks but god his body this close looks so appetizing now that he’s wearing even less. “See. I wouldn’t intentionally flash you. It’s not what friends do.”

“Then why’d you trick me like that?”

“Because I like seeing you mad, remember?” He lets go of your chin and heads out to the backyard.

“Friends don’t like making their friends mad!” You called out after him.

————

You were currently sat at the poolside, journal in hand while Eddie swam away answering questions with less resistance.

“This is a pretty big house. Must get lonely being all by yourself.”

“I don’t live alone.”

“Who is she?”

“He’s my uncle. Took care of me most of my life while my mother was in and out of my life and my dad in and out of prison.”

“Oh,” You felt terrible for assuming. “Your uncle seems like a very strong person. I’m glad he took the tole of being your guardian.”

“Yeah, he’s definitely strong. I’d do everything I could to pay him back for all the times he’s cared for me. I wasn’t an easy kid but he stuck it out when my parents couldn’t.”

“Seems like you’re providing him just that kind of appreciation.”

“I guess. But I could do more. I want to make sure he never has to worry about anything ever.”

Today was genuinely surprising for you. Chrissy was right. Maybe he’s still a sweetheart.

You look up from writing, noticing things had gone quiet. Eddie was nowhere to be found. The moment you thought to peer over to look in the water, Eddie springs out of the water right front of you causing you to throw the notebook into the pool.

“Eddie! You dick!”

“You can just write it again.”

“I had really good things to say. Now I’ll completely forget them.”

“It’s at the bottom of the pool. You wanna go get it?”

“What do you mean if I want to go get it?” He gives you a mischievous look, his hands resting on your thighs. Your eyes widened. “No, Eddie. No.”

It was too late. Eddie yanks you down into the pool and you go underwater. You’re frightened. You couldn’t swim so all you could do was hold onto him for dear life.

You both come up for air, your arms and legs are wrapped around him tightly. He’s laughing but you were trembling like a wet chihuahua. Then, he notices the fear in your eyes and he grows concerned.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Can’t swim. I’m scared.” You were in the deeper side of the pool your biggest fear.

He rubs your back to comfort you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I always assume everyone can swim. That was really crappy of me. Let’s get you out of here.”

His hands cup under your butt, lifting you back up onto the poolside. Then, he pulls himself up. Your knees were to your chest, still trembling.

Eddie felt terrible. He was only having harmless fun. He didn’t mean to scare you this badly. Taking a towel, he wraps it around your body then rubs his hands over your arms.

“I’m sorry.” He repeats, eyes pleading for you to answer.

“Um, it’s okay,” You finally say. “I should tell you. I have a fear of swimming pools. It’s a stupid phobia. I know but it’s because of a traumatic experience I had in my childhood.”

“Like you nearly drowned?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.” He says once again.

“You already said that.” You laughed.

“I know. I just feel like shit.”

“That’s a first,” You remove the towel from your body. “Maybe I should go home. I could get some new clothes and be right back.”

“Or I can hand you some clothes while yours are put in the dryer.”

“It would save me a trip.” You shrugged.

You noticed Eddie stare before his eyes quickly avert. And was he…blushing?

You looked down at your white top. It’d gotten wet and your nipples were erect and visible even through your black lace bra. You shot one arm over your while the other lightly shoves him.

“You perv! You wanted this to happen.”

“No, I swear.”

“Oh, right.”

“Have I been dishonest with you?”

“Plenty.”

“Name one time.”

So much for having a friendly moment, the two of you bickered back and forth well up until the pizza arrived. While he munch away at his slice, you watched him from the corner of your eye admiring his ranges of emotions. He was more than just an angsty ball of horniness. He can be a decent guy when he’s more comfortable with you. It was nice to see him so concerned for your well-being but what really made you feel a little giddy inside was the fact that you managed to make him blush, too.

1K notes · View notes

violetthekiller · 23 days

Note

I think what people need to remember as well is that yes while we all love and live for the content, we don’t know these people and we don’t know what they go through in their daily lives. Am I surprised that someone who just went through months of being violently cyberstalked didn’t give an insight into her personal life yesterday? Not in the slightest.

Like safety is something they have to consider in a way we don’t. Both of their security was beefed up because of that stalker person. Tom is not only very visible right now, but also accessible – his schedule and whereabouts are public knowledge. No wonder the security at the stage door is so tight.

Do I want to get more cute pics and see Z at more shows? Sure. But I fully understand why she’s lying low.

mhm

and the last i’ll say is anyone whose actually annoyed/angry at the supposed ‘lack’ of content maybe needs to think about finding some other celeb/thing to follow that gives them the level of entertainment they desire or not equating their personal satisfaction with getting content from them. and don’t bring your grievances into my inbox as i’m doing just fine with what’s been happening so far this year

this isn’t a new phenomenon with tz. it’s been pretty much like this for the past 2/3ish years now. be happy with what you get which (compared some other people i’m a fan of) is a considerable amount

#and that’s all #i’m going back to reading my book in the park #maybe some of you should try that #it’s nice #ask

39 notes · View notes

secondhandsorrows · 5 months

Text

Some Vital Scenes to Include in a Romantic Subplot, Pt. 2

Back at it again with part two of some scenes to consider adding for a romance subplot. Before we get into it, just a brief reminder that everyone’s story is different. Take that as you will. I find these helpful for planning and keeping a solid foundation for a compelling romance. There's probably a lot more I'm missing out. Some of these tips, I'm thinking, could even be helpful for writing a platonic friendship, in cases like making mistakes or helping each other through tough times.

If there's anything you would like add or share about this process or some of the things that have helped you, let me know! ~

- Moments of intimacy:

This is rather similar to our last point about flirting, but what I’m trying to get across here is the things that are not said. The unspoken. The unmentionables, if we wanna go there. But I’m getting ahead of myself… this is the kind of scene that can be built up gradually as the romance between your characters grows and deepens. Moments of intimacy in a romance subplot involve deeper and more meaningful interactions between the characters, showcasing their emotional closeness. They include physical closeness, such as hugs, touches, or moments of shared proximity.

It doesn’t have to be all touchy-feely, either. These scenes also might include gazing at the stars, a shared adventure, a sudden desire to reach out but chickening out at the last second, or a quiet moment of understanding during a tough situation. These gestures can convey a sense of comfort or safety. Intimate moments can also build anticipation and tension in the narrative, where readers may eagerly await these little, momentous moments as they read and become more invested in their relationship.

- Helping each other out:

Nothing get me more invested in a romance than those moments where the characters offer support, assistance, or guidance to each other, thus reinforcing their bond and showcasing the strength of their connection. Also, while helping each other, the characters can also encourage independence and growth in each other. They can encourage each other’s goals and aspirations, allowing each other to maintain their own unique identity within the relationship.

The characters could also perform acts of kindness, be it big or small — showing to the other character how much they care without explicitly stating it. There’s an element of vulnerability that can be explored here, in which the characters share experiences and insights good and bad — offering each other solace during hard times and joy during the best of times.

Some examples!

- Character A solving a problem in a way that only they would know or character B wouldn’t have thought of in the first place.

- Character B being understanding and listening without judgement to A’s opening up and venting.

- Character A offering support and clear-headed advice to B, who tends to get irrational. On the other hand, B standing up for A and protecting them from harm.

- Character B teaching a new, valuable skill to A, thus providing great opportunity for them to get closer and connect.

- Mistakes or misunderstandings:

Like many others, I’m not a big fan of miscommunication in romantic arcs … unless they’re resolved quickly (because they tend to be predictable, sometimes, or just frustrating when there's every opportunity for them to reconcile but they're ignoring it because drama).

Ahem. But, characters should be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. It’s realistic, because who hasn’t made a mistake at least once in their life? Not every budding relationship is ever perfect. It’s rewarding to see characters learn from their errors and work towards a mutual understanding or reconciliation. This helps to show their emotional maturity and resilience, especially if its gradual or important for their character arc.

Narrative elements that introduce complications (often arising from bad impressions, flaws, insecurities, awkward moments, mistakes, or even just being at the wrong place at the wrong time) can add tension to the relationship while providing space for growth. When used right, this can add deeper strength to your characters’ bond as they eventually overcome the bumps along the road of romance. It’s always interesting to see how characters might react in certain situations, for better or for worse. This is also a great point as to force your characters to confront their true feelings and be able to recognize them or communicate them better.

- Declaration of feelings:

Finally! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! This is the special moment where one or both characters express their romantic feelings for each other, marking a significant turning point in the subplot that often dictates how the story would then play then on out. Think about how you want your “declaration” scene to play out and what emotions you want to invoke. Is it elation? Anguish? Confusion? Excitement? Sadness? I mean, not every declaration scene has to be perfect. It all depends on the story you’re wanting to tell, how focused you want your romantic subplot to be, and what your characters are like.

Also consider how your characters are feeling in that moment and what brought them there. Have your characters been waiting for this moment for a long time now? Is it risky? Easy for them to declare their feelings out loud? Could it also be just not the right moment, so hopefully later their love will be fully understood and reciprocated? Just some helpful things to consider.

60 notes · View notes

starogeorgina · 6 months

Text

𝐖𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

Paring: Hvitserk × reader

Warnings: None

1.01

“Whatever happens, my brothers will watch over you in my absence.”

Unintentionally, you pouted; you hated the idea of being apart from Hvitserk, but you understood why he was leaving with Bjon. “I can take care of myself.”

A mischievous smile appears on his face. “I know."

“I’ll miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Hvitserk brushes hair behind your ear before cupping your face. Sighing, he says, “I need you to promise me something.”

“Hmm.”

“Don’t get into any trouble.” Laughter passes your lips before you realize how serious he is. Hvitserk frowns. “I mean it. My brother’s always found a way of dragging you into problems that aren’t yours. I want to know my wife will be in one piece when I return to Kattegat.”

Your caring husband was being paranoid. You often found yourself between Ivar, Sigurd, and Ubbe’s spats, and almost always you took Ivar’s side. However, when it came to the sons of Ragnar fighting with others, you tended to stay out of it unless you felt it was absolutely necessary to get involved, or Hvitserk said otherwise.

“I will try my best, but I cannot make such a promise.”

Knowing this was possibly the last time you’d see each other for some time, Hvitserk kisses you passionately. You would truly miss him.

“Just behave while I’m gone.”

—

You sit on the dock beside Ivar, watching boats come in. Vikings from all over were coming to Kattegat to join the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok in seeking revenge for their father's death.

“Do you think Lagertha will join us?”

Ivar scoffs, “She told Ubbe she has many reasons to stay.”

You click your tongue and say, “Hmm, I suppose Kattegat is more important to her than a dead man.”

Ivar glares at you.

“What? I speak nothing but the truth. Lagertha had already lost Ragner, so she wouldn’t risk losing her throne so easily. You’ll need to find another way to convince her to leave Kattegat.”

The corners of Ivar’s lips pull slightly. “I say we kill her now. She will always be a threat to us, and at least then she will be out of the way.”

You pondered his words while twirling the knife in your hand. You understood his desire to kill the woman who stole his mother from him, but it wasn’t that simple. “If you kill her now, then a lot of the shield maidens in Kattegat will no longer join you in seeking revenge, nor will Bjorn. I say you get justice for Queen Aslaug’s death when we return.”

“So what? We just let Lagertha sit upon my mother's throne, free to do whatever she likes. She will stab us in the back as soon as she gets the chance.”

“That’s not what I was thinking.”

Ivar’s scowl turns into a smile. “I imagine whatever you’re thinking will not please my dear brother, Hvitserk.”

You raise your brow and nod. “It's a risky idea, but it might help us get an insight into what Lagertha is planning.”

As a child, you were brought to Kattegat to be a slave, but Hvitserk took a liking to you, and Queen Aslaug released you as a slave with the intent of marrying you to her son, which is exactly what you did. And ever since, you have remained loyal to Hvitserk and his family.

“I want Lagertha to think I’m on her side.” You drop your gaze to your feet, hoping that Ivar understands the reasoning behind your plan. “You, Hvistserk, Ubbe, and Sigurd will always be a threat to her, and so will any children fathered by any of you.”

“The legacy of Ragnar Lothbrok.”

“While my husband is gone, I’m vulnerable.”

Ivar scrunches his nose up and scoffs, “Don’t talk nonsense. You're one of the least vulnerable women I know; I’ve seen you fight before.”

“That’s not what I mean. Think about it. Lagather has already tried to befriend me multiple times.”

“She wants to manipulate you because she knows how much my brother values your opinion.”

“Exactly." You nod in agreement. “Hvistserk is gone, and if I were to fall out with you and Ubbe, then my loyalty may sway. If Lagertha were to trust me, I would be able to learn what her intentions are.”

Ivar claps his hands together and says, “You are far more devious than anyone who gives you credit. You have one problem, though; she wouldn’t believe you’ve turned your back on us so easily.”

“Not unless you give me a reason to.”

—

As planned, warriors who followed the sons of Ragnar did as Ivar asked and took everyone in the great hall hostage during a feast to welcome them. A sharp blade is pressed against your neck, preventing you from stepping any further.

You let out a loud gasp, “Let go of me.”

Ubbe stares at you wide-eyed; he’s surprised to see you on the opposite side of this. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it when Ivar gives him a cold glare.

They both turn their attention back to Lagertha, who has stepped down from the throne. Ubbe begins to circle her while raising his axe, and Ivar growls up at her with a blade in each hand. But before either of them can attack her, the doors to the hall swing open, and Bjorn enters. “If you kill her, my brothers, you’ll have to kill me too.”

Ivar looks up at him and says, “Maybe we should.”

“Shut up!” Ubbe hisses. “She killed our mother.”

In a calm tone, Bjorn says, “I know. You want revenge, and so would I. But more importantly, we have to avenge our father. That is why I came back. And that is what we are going to do.”

Lagertha tosses her sword to the ground. Furious, Ubbe and Ivar leave the hall. You twiddle with the threads of your dress, staring ahead, teary-eyed. Under your breath, you mutter, “Brothers.”

When Lagertha catches your eye and gives you a sympathetic look, you quickly turn and run outside, doing your best to hide the smirk pulling on the corner of your lips.

#Vikings #hvitserk x reader #Hvitserk x you #hvitserk lothbrok #hvitserk #Hvitserk/you #Hvitserk/reader #vikings x reader #vikings hvitserk #vikings fanfiction #hvitserk fanfic #wicked love #vikings fics

125 notes · View notes

genderkoolaid · 1 year

Note

Hello, my brain is in shambles and I’m sincerely asking for help. I’ve thought I was straight for most of my life, but have discovered that I’m also really into men who have breasts and vulvas. And I feel like a bad person because I’m not trying to misgender these men, I know the people I’m attracted to are men, but I feel like I’m attracted for the wrong reasons and it makes me feel shitty.

Am I shitty? And if so - or if not - then… help?

As a general rule: attraction isn't a crime, even if it's attraction that would be unethical to act on. Don't torture yourself over feelings you don't choose.

I'm assuming you are a cis man. I'd suggest thinking about why you are attracted to men with brests & vulvas; what about them is attractive to you? How does that compare with your feelings about men with penises? What exactly do you want to do with these men? It will be helpful to have a well-rounded understanding of your attraction here to figure out how you want to engage with it, and whether or not you want to continue identifying as straight. If you see these men as men, and are attracted to them as men, then you may decide you aren't straight– maybe you just aren't into penises and therefore men without penises are more appealing than men with them. Maybe not! I can't tell you how you feel or how to label those feelings (& I can't give too much of my own insight since I don't have very much info). All I can recommend is open-minded self reflection and not being afraid of what you might find.

As a general rule, what makes "fetishizing" harmful is really the objectification– if you were to harass trans men and treat them like they only exist for your pleasure, that would be harmful. But if you are upfront with your desires and are respectful of them as a person, you aren't doing anything wrong. There are a lot of trans men who would not want to get with a cis guy who identifies as straight. There are also trans men who don't care. If you find a trans guy with a vulva whose down to get with you, then don't torture yourself about whether or not your attraction to him is Morally Pure. Just be respectful and honest! And you might learn more about yourself through those experiences. Be compassionate with yourself; shame never helps anyone, it only makes things harder.

#m.#ask box #ik there are some people who will be like ''no this is bad and not okay''#but sexuality is weird and wacky and that's beautiful #and also it's all made up. it's okay to find trans people hot the problem only comes when we only exist to be sex toys for cis people

244 notes · View notes

pianostarinwonderland · 6 months

Note

Hellooooo! I’m so glad that you’re still active and making insightful posts. Piggybacking off a thought from the recent tsum event, do you think Jade also has thoughts regarding individuality? Like, it’s obvious from Floyd that he wants to be seen as his own person and not always compared to his brother. But Jade? I’m guessing that he doesn’t care, but I think it’s partly because a lot of people who don’t know him personally think he’s the better twin and doesn’t need to compare him to Floyd because why would they?

Also, do you think that’s why the twins bonded to Azul in middle school? Not just because of his deals and magical prowess, but because he was clever and observant enough to tell them apart? Or do you think he learned to tell them apart after they had several chance meetings that later evolved into friendship?

It’s an important aspect of their relationship that I don’t think gets enough attention because I’ve seen fics or headcanons where the tweels switch and no one can tell them apart—not even Azul! This is just a nice crumb that I think really delves deep into their relationship without meaning to, but still leaves us wanting more.

Apologies for the ramble! I just wanted to know what your thoughts were!

rubs hands gleefully ohhh my dear, i am so glad you asked. :) And thank you so much for the kind words, even though I haven't been too active. I'm trying to get posts up and asks answered while things are much more free at this time.

It's been months since this ask came in oops, and iirc this ask is referring to tsum 2. In one of the stories in the main event, Floyd and Azul talked about when Azul and Jade found their respective tsums. That time, Azul was like, "Oh, did Floyd's tsum come back? No wait, upon closer inspection, that's Jade." Floyd then asked Azul how he was able to tell them apart, and his answer was something like, "I'm a businessman, I have to be good at knowing people." And Floyd's like, "Suuuuure."

Now, Floyd cares about individuality, that much is established. You see this in Floyd's School Uniform vignette and even in the beginning of his Platinum Jacket vignette.

But what about Jade?

So we don't really have a lot to go for since Jade is not the type to be open about these things. But I do agree that individuality is not in Jade's interest, not like Floyd. Rather, what I think is happening here is the "different yet the same" theme that has been at constant play with the tweels.

Okay, let's explain what this "different yet the same" theme is. Basically, it's Jade and Floyd doing different things, having different desires, yet it all connects to the same thing.

This is explicitly seen in Beans Day 1 and 2. Jade challenged Azul by making him think that Jade would shoot from there and thus lure him away from the harp. However, when he reached the tower and met Jade, Azul found that he had an empty bean shooter, and the real target was actually Yuu. Nevertheless, because he had no beans, Azul was able to tap him out.

Meanwhile, Floyd went fuck the rules and fought Azul (and Jamil) with empty bean shooters. It was against the rules, so it ended up being a fight where the harp no longer mattered. He ended up being caught by Azul as well.

And after capturing Floyd, Azul makes this comment:

Azul: Seriously, though. I can't believe BOTH of you challenged me to battle with empty bean blasters, just in different ways. You and your brother really are two peas in a pod. [From EN localization of Beans 2-38]

Jade and Floyd went about challenging Azul in different ways, Jade using mind games while Floyd was more of a physical brawl. But the commonality is that they used unconventional and even rule-breaking means: by using empty bean shooters.

You also see this theme in their Platinum vignettes. In particular, this is about what they do when they're interested in something and what pushes them to toss things away.

Platinum Jade vignette reveals that Jade disposes of things when he loses interest in them. It's also revealed that his interest in something is manifested in collecting numerous things of a fixation.

Jade: I suppose so. I don’t often choose to wear accessories as much anymore. Jade: Although, I do recall collecting a few hundred pieces… Riddle: A few hundred!? If you had collected that much, then I’m sure there would be some that still suit your tastes now… Jade: Perhaps. However, I have since disposed of all those accessories I collected back then. Riddle: Disposed all of them…? Even though you had so fervently collected them? Jade: Correct. Keeping things that no longer interest you is simply a waste of space, wouldn’t you say?

Jade: Ah yes, actually, there was something that caught my attention when I came to the surface, as well. Jade: It is nothing unusual, and in fact can be found pretty much anywhere on land… Jade: Once I took note of them, I could really feel the intention behind those that made them, as well as their various designs. It is profoundly fascinating. Riddle: Hmmm, nothing comes to mind. What is it that caught your attention that much? Jade: Fufu, well, that would be… manhole lids. Jade: Some lids are designed to show off local specialties or attractions. Jade: Of course, there are no manholes in the ocean. So my interest was piqued as I was searching up on what use they could possibly serve… Jade: For a little while, I did find myself collecting a few hundred various merchandise of manhole lids with unusual designs, as well. [TL by @mysteryshoptls]

Meanwhile, Platinum Floyd vignette (sort of) reveals that Floyd loses interest in something when it breaks. He also opens up that his interest really comes out when he's hunting for something that's hard to find.

Floyd: I once found this silver ring online that looks like an eel is wrapped around your finger. Kalim: Woah! I've never seen a ring that looks like that before! I bet it'd look good on you. Floyd: Riiight? But the manufacturers had already discontinued it. I wouldn't be able to find it so easily. Floyd: And when something is hard to get… doesn't it just make you want it more? Floyd: So, after that, I went looking for it, big time. Floyd: I went 'round to a bunch of second-hand shops that carry the brand, and even asked my pops to reach out to some of his connections who'd know about stuff like that. Floyd: I get bored pretty easily, so I usually don't try that hard trying to find just one thing. Cool, huh?

Floyd: When I put it on, it totally felt like the ring was made just for me! And I got super attached to it. Floyd: So then, I wore it pretty much all the time after that, even when I exercised or took showers… Floyd: It ended up getting a ton of scratches, and got all tarnished, man～

Floyd: Silver stuff tends to degrade pretty quickly if you don't take care of it, but the ring's design was a bit complicated, so it was way too annoying to clean. Kalim: Then, what if you remake it in platinum or white gold? They don't tarnish that easily. I can introduce you to one of my family's craftsmen! Floyd: Naaah. Kalim: Eh, why? I thought that was a pretty good idea… Floyd: C'mon, Sea Otter-chan. I was all happy because it was hard to get my hands on. Floyd: If I had someone make it for me, then that's not the same thing. Floyd: It's 'cause it took a ton of hard work and searching for it was fun that I like that specific ring. Floyd: Maybe it's a pain to clean, but I like it. So I'll use it until it breaks. [TL by @mysteryshoptls]

They like to find the thing(s) that pique their interest, just that Jade collects many, while Floyd hunts for one thing that's difficult. They stop caring or dispose of those things when they are no longer interesting. It's just that Floyd loses interest when it's broken, which may take a while. Jade loses interest rather quickly, and then he disposes of those things or abandons it if it's a hobby. Different ways of going about it, but the same at their core.

So now that we established that, what does this mean about what Floyd and Jade value? And what does this say about their relationship with Azul?

So we know Floyd values individuality and doesn't understand how people mix up him and Jade, as seen in his Platinum vignette. The way that I'd interpret it, he wants to be accepted as his own individual, as his own person. I think he values Azul for being able to recognize the person that he is, rather than just being Jade's twin. Floyd wants to be recognized and accepted as who he is.

Jade, on the other hand, I don't think he values individuality. Rather, I think he values connection and community. There are plenty of reasons why I think this is the case, and it needs its own post to be honest. But to make it short, the best proofs of this is, funnily enough, the game itself and the Platinum vignettes. Jade and Azul have been together in four events: Beans 1, Halloween 1, Camp 2, and Tsum 2. And in the current New Year event, Jade's card not only shows him wearing an outfit resembling Azul's uniform, but his elements are double Water, the same elements as Dorm Azul card. As for the Platinum vignettes, notice how Floyd describes having interest in one object that's hard to find, which may allude to individuality. Meanwhile, Jade collects multiple of the same thing, alluding to community.

And I think Jade values closeness with another because it means that the other has accepted him enough to allow him within their inner circle. And Jade in turn would allow that other person within his own inner circle. Thus, it creates a community that may be small but is trustworthy.

In short, where Floyd may value being seen as his own individual, Jade would value connection. But in the end, I think they both want one thing: acceptance. And Azul can and does give them that.

I also find that Azul is such a nice balance for the tweels who tend to sit on opposite ends of a spectrum.

Floyd, who tends to do things more physically, can connect to Azul, whose strength under the sea is admirable. Floyd, who enjoys obtaining things that require hard work, can connect with Azul, who works hard to obtain the things he wants. Floyd, who values his individuality, is interested in Azul, who wants to become the best version of himself.

Jade, whose energy is more focused on plotting and mind games, can connect with Azul, who's witty and able to manipulate things to his favor. Jade, who collects various things that interest him, is interested in Azul, who has his own growing collection of coins that has stayed until now. Jade, who values connection, wants to connect with Azul, who also wishes to connect with others, not just in a business sense, but also on a personal level with select folks.

It's a big part of why their teamwork works so seamlessly. Azul being able to connect with both of the twins allows him to make plans and schemes that can be done with both of them by his side. And while he acknowledges that he can't control the twins, Azul is able to get them to follow him willingly because of that connection they share.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst jp #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #ask

57 notes · View notes

furiousgoldfish · 2 years

Text

I've finished reading "I'm glad my mom died", by Jennette McCurdy. it was an insightful and painful read. I've learned more about eating disorders than I ever knew before, and some distressing facts about the entertainment industry. The book deals with the topics of child abuse, eating disorders, childhood sexual abuse, toxic relationships, sexual coercion, childhood exploitation and overall exploitation of children in the entertainment industry, so take these as trigger warnings if you're going to continue to read this review.

The book starts in the author's childhood, showing us the bond between her and her mother. They're doing everything together, the mother extremely invested, the child eager to please. Then we learn, that in order to please the mother, the child has to not only violate their own comfort and bodily boundaries, but also pretend that it's what they want as well. Showing any kind of dissent from their mother's decisions, even a wrong type of face expression, will bring out something extremely painful to any child – having to see their own mother cry. So the child learns to act happy even when she's reluctant, resistant, sick, tired, worried, opposed or completely nauseous with what she's being put thru. Most of interactions are about putting a performance to please the mother and make her happy, all while the child is being sexually abused, forced into career of acting they didn't want, forced to deal alone with pain and mental illnesses, never getting a relief from pleasing.

No matter how much the child has to endure, she is always assured that if she refused to do what is asked, the consequences would be much worse. If she didn’t consent to be touched in the shower - she would get cancer. If she didn’t use up her birthday wish to ask for her mother to keep being alive, her mother would die. If she refused to act, her mother’s dreams would be dead. If she had her own favourite color, her mother would cry.

The mother only wants this obedient, pleasing, easily manipulated and controlled version of the child, so she keeps expressing pain at the mere idea of the child growing up. The child picks up on this, and in order not to break her mother's heart, attempts to stop growing. Mother is delighted with this extreme act of pleasing and obedience, and promptly teaches the child to restrict calories to stop their body from development, purposely throwing the child into anorexic disorder. She also witnesses the child's introduction to ocd, and decides to hide it, even reprimanding anyone else who brings it up and attempts to get it diagnosed.

Mother is the child's center of life, and she demands to remain so. The child knows nothing but pleasing; she had to learn insight, and study every mom's mood, desire, whim, face expression, speech patterns. She can recognize from the tone of voice what her mother is demanding at the moment. But she's never allowed to learn about herself. All of her tones, behaviour, speech patterns, smiles, desires, it's all an act she has to put on, not to make her mother cry. Her actual self is being buried further and further down, at the immense pressure of the mother's demands for it to not be existing in the first place.

Reading this book while knowing about the effects of child abuse and child neglect, will make you extremely uncomfortable. Because you already understand that having a child's boundaries violated and broken, will leave long lasting consequences, and it's not an innocent act of 'forcing child to do what adults think is best'. But to take it a step further, to make the child act like this is what they also want, that they actually have no boundaries, no desires, no identity or will of their own, that brings devastating consequences. It creates strain that doesn't end, neverending shame for feeling, for needing, for wanting anything. Guilt for being human, shame for feeling pain after being completely neglected. Not being able to see your own narrative anymore, because anything you think or feel needs to submit to a single goal – making the parent happy, making the parent look good.

The entertainment industry the child is exposed to brings one painful and toxic thing after another. To a child, being forced to compete in an industry where they declare your value based on how well you fit an imaginary role they set out for you, is poisonous. Being informed you're "not good enough" over and over again, having to try again, having to see someone else being special enough, wondering why you're not chosen, that is painful even for an adult to take. Not being allowed an identity because she was acting to be her mom's projection was bad enough, but now she was being judged and projected on by multiple people, expectations of her only bringing her further anxiety. To the author, it was almost natural, because it's all she ever knew. She had to smile and pretend it's okay to submit her to appearance changes 'because she might fit the role better', okay to starve herself to remain smaller looking, because it's easier to take advantage of a young-looking actor. At one point she manages to cry on cue, and these adults around her are so fascinated by it, they ask to see it again and again. And this wasn't acting. The child was bringing up the most traumatic, most devastating scenarios in her head, and she cried for real. She cried in real pain, and the adults were telling her to do it again and again, just so they could look at it more. I felt sick reading that.

The author's childhood revolves around mother's desired career, but also mother's cancer – which mother uses as a tragic backstory and a bargaining guilt-trip on every person she wants to use, and as a satisfying torture for her children. Having a child deal with the fact that their mother might die, is a terrifying and painful ordeal, and as much as possible, parents try to protect their kids from re-living that type of fear. The author's mother, however, recorded the experience and forced her children to watch it over and over again, praising them for breaking down and crying, suffocated by the pain of it. The author gets reprimanded for not having the pleasing-enough reaction, when she's only two years old. The cancer, once resolved, manages to come back, and ultimately creates the biggest turn-around in the author's life – her mother is now dying.

At this point the author is a young adult, trying out her first relationship, and immediately we see exactly what her childhood had set up for her – she doesn't notice her relationship is abusive. Having been sexually abused all her life, it's completely normal for her to dissociate and do anything to please, because she knows that to do anything other than that, would bring immeasurable pain and guilt and loss of the connection. The relationship was against her mother's wishes, and when her mother finds out, the author is subjected to the most vile tantrum of hatred, contempt, insults, slurs, threats, revenge, and is told she's now cut off from the entire family, and also urged to send them money for the new fridge. The author, terrified and devastated, does everything to fix the relationship with her mother, under severe pressure of guilt, shame and self hatred for "hurting her sick mother" – her mother even accuses her of causing the cancer.

It becomes very clear why the author had to deny herself everything in order to please the mother – this was the threat, hatred and pain that was expecting her the second she stopped. Seeing what her mother was ready to put her thru is eye-opening and scary to be aware of, nobody alive should want to cause that amount of pain to their own child, for making a choice, for trying to make a connection with another human being.

Another set-up we see from the traumatic childhood, is the author's relationship with food. Being subjected to starvation, at the hands of her mother, caused the author to experience severe shame and pain while eating, causing her to develop bulimia. She could no longer continue the starvation, once she was away from her mother's side, and the most natural thing for a body who was starved, is to demand food, to increase the instinct until it can no longer be controlled or repressed. Her body was trying not to die. This is where I learned that eating disorders are terrifying in the way they bring out a relief from feelings, relief from trauma, they can stop guilt and shame and can be used as a coping mechanism. Reading about this, I felt lucky I was spared from that type of self harm, because it was absolutely devastating for the author's life and health, but the worst thing about it was just how much the author blamed herself for all of it. The author did not do this to herself, she was set up to experience this from the start. Processing her feelings was not even an option – she wasn't aware she was even allowed feelings in the first place. Her feelings were never allowed to surface, or to be seen on her face, she was allowed only to feel what her mother approved of, only act on impulses that were pleasing. There was no way for her to recognize or feel the trauma, the amount of feelings were unsurvivable for someone whose body was not used to experiencing a single non-pleasing feeling.

The death of the mother was made as painful as possible, mother insisting until the end for her wishes to be fulfilled, for everyone to keep the role she had set for them. For her daughter to keep starving herself, to keep a job that thrived on continuing the trauma. It was painful to see.

The author attempted therapy, and after the therapist suggesting her mother could be abusive, quit instantly. The urge to preserve her childhood, her closeness and the bond with her mother, the building blocks of her life, prevailed. It was exactly what I would have done as well. It would take a lot of time before the author was ready to attempt therapy again, and to be able to talk about what her mother did to her, under the guise of 'wanting only the best'.

The traumatic aftermath of her mother's death only kept getting worse, as the author now struggled to keep sacrificing her health for her career, only to please the producers and the mother who was no longer alive, she struggled to mourn her mother when she was never taught how to mourn, or allowed to feel something so painful. She struggled with missing her mother. The eating disorder plagued her every interaction and shared meal, she was not allowed to rest and have fun. She struggled with other abusive family members, who insisted on still controlling her with guilt. She struggled thru her relationships, which were filled with so much coercion and neglect. The first time the author had a sexual experience that wasn't coerced or demanded her to dissociate from the trauma of it, she ended up breaking down, because she finally had a reference to how traumatic her past experience were. This was heartbreaking to read.

The author, thru the entire book, is the most down-to-earth person you can imagine. She states everything in facts, she informs you right away that she hates bringing emotions in her words, and she stays true to it. She takes every thing matter-of-factly. She doesn't romanticize, she doesn't indulge in nostalgia. She points out every hypocrisy and pretend she can see in others, she points out the true intentions of everyone's actions. When she's struggling with the extreme effects of eating disorders, she takes this matter-of-factly as well, it's just a thing she does. There's no other way to go on with it except for normalizing it, the extreme traumatic reactions are normal, the self harm is normal. It makes it very clear how even the most logical and factual person, can be controlled under the weight of guilt and shame, until she's not allowed to think in certain directions. Until she has to accept that impossible and extremely vicious things are normal and to be defended, in order to protect her sanity from what is going on. It proves that nobody is 'too emotional', or 'too sensitive', the author certainly wasn't any of these things. She was tough, smart, insightful, enduring, extremely invested in making other people happy, and avoiding the worst of pain for herself. And it didn't save her, it didn't make the abuse obvious. Because we're all vulnerable to it just the same.

The author manages to stay in therapy the second time, and is finally allowed to recognize her own feelings and emotions, which opens the way to processing them without using extreme self harm via eating disorders. She recognizes her acting career for what it is, a painful, traumatic exploitative deal she took under coercion, that only does harm to her life, and she quits. Her fight with the eating disorders is long and painful, and it feels like something you never completely recover from, but you improve, you manage to enjoy a cookie and it's a big victory, something you weren't allowed or able to do thru the most of your life.

At the end of the book, the author is at her mother's grave, this time aware of what transpired. The effects of her mother's death on everyone was a true proof of what she was – a detriment. The mother's husband moved on almost immediately, and was able to admit to the author that he wasn't her biological father – her mother lied into her death about it. Giving the author another betrayal, and another painful reality to deal with. The author realizes had her mother still been alive, she, the author, would still be in almost constant state of pain, still starving herself, still doing whatever would please the mother, no matter how devastating it was. She finally acknowledges, that her mother was a narcissist. That the abuse was horrifying. And that she still misses her. But, she won't be back to visit the grave.

I found the book both painful and welcome in my life. I hope that other abused children and adults will read it, and that some things will click. Maybe another narcissistic parent had tried, or is trying to starve their child into anorexia, maybe someone else has been mislead to believe their ocd is something normal and something they shouldn't get any support and help with. Maybe there's more children whose will and feelings are being taken away, who have to pretend they have none. Maybe there's other children who are forced to live without being given any acknowledgment, who aren't allowed to feel their own feelings. Who are forced to live in a hoarder house and defend this. Who are able to only see the story for their parent's point of view, who believe all of the vicious things their parents do is for their own good – I hope it helps to see the reality. I hope if you're experiencing the consequences like this, that you know you are being set up, and you didn't do this to yourself. I hope you realize that the shame cast on you is something put there to control you, and it's not your shame to feel. The shame belongs to the one who did this to you.

#jennette mccurdy #i'm glad my mom died #narcissistic abuse #im glad my mom died #book review #child abuse

1K notes · View notes