#it’s got so much angst and both of them verbally working through their stuff

[l0lita-luv]

Billie Eilish SFW Headcannons

Billie Eilish x Fem!Reader

Fluff + Angst

warnings- reader is specified as fem-no use of y/n

a/n- Listened to Faye Webster while reading :)

divider creds to @aqualogia

A= Affection (How do they show affection, how often do they do it?)

I feel like Billie likes to show affection with gifts and the type to love verbally express herself! Will always buy you things, you look at something for ten seconds? Will but it immediately, always gives you words of affirmation more than once a day!

B= Best friend (How are they like as a best friend?)

Is an amazing friend? Will always be there to comfort you and you guys always have the best sleepovers. But she gets a lil flustered because she has a little crush on you!!

C= Cuddles (Do they like cuddles? How do they cuddle?)

Loves cuddling! You guys always cuddle while on the couch, while sleeping, really anywhere comfortable! You too always facing each other with your legs tangled together!

D= Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I think she would want to settle down with you! Maybe after some months she will start settling down. Believe it or not but I did Billie can cook! She loves to make you food and is quite good at cleaning!

E= Ending (How are they like after a breakup?)

She’s a wreck! Will try her best to get you off her mind but everything reminds her of you :(. She still kept pictures of you two on her wall and stared at them whenever she would try sleeping. You felt the exact same thing and you guys got back together don’t worry :)!

F- Fiancé (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I think after a year or more she would think about proposing! She really values the time the two of you have and doesn’t really rush anything. But if she does propose she want to make sure the wedding is perfect so maybe a year or more after she proposes!

G= Gentle (How gentle are they? Physically and emotionally?)

SUPER GENTLE!! Literally is so sweet, even if she barely even touches you she will think she hit you and immediately start apologizing and taking care of you as if your bleeding! She’s also really gently emotionally too, she loves to affirm you that she cares about you and all of the fluffy stuff :).

H= Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do you do it? How does it feel like?)

I feel like she prefers cuddling but don’t get me wrong she likes hugs too! Hugs are given not very often but you do hug each other whenever you see each other! Hugs are super soft with Billie and will have her hands on your waist through the whole thing.

I= I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

She said I love you in the first 6 months into the relationship and she doesn’t regret it because you both actually said it at the same time (that’s actually really sweet stop)

J= Jealousy (How Jealous do they get? How do they get Jealous?)

She can get pretty jealous easily, I think she would get jealous if you give someone more attention than her or if someone is clearly flirting with you.

K= Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses are amazing with Billie! She usually kisses you everywhere but usually on your lips! I feel like she would like to be kissed on her cheek and lips!

L= Little ones (How are they around children?)

She’s pretty good with kids but sometimes panics and doesn’t know what to do! But if you have a younger sibling I think they would get a long well!

M= Morning (How are mornings spent with them?

She usually sleeps really late because she’s super busy with work a lot of the time so you always make sure to make her breakfast! She really appreciates it and always remind you that she does.

N= Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You know usually have to assure her that she doesn’t have to work so much and to come to bed! She usually folds and you two watch an episode of the series you two are watching together!

O= Open (When will they start revealing things about themselves? Do they reveal everything all at once or do they reveal little things slowly?)

I feel like she will start opening up in the best friend stage! I think she just has a really strong bond with you so she trusts you will a lot of things, but if she does open up to you while you guys are friends I think she will reveal little things slowly, but when you two start dating I think she will reveal a lot of things all at once.

P= Patience (How easily are they angered?)

I think she does have some patience, she really tries to keep calm if you guys ever argue and it always does work out! She doesn’t really confront you with anger if she just has assumptions.

Q= Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Would they remember every little detail or minor things?)

She will try her best to remember everything! She usually remembers every detail and her calendar is filled with anniversary dates such as when you both said I love you for the first time.

R= Remember (What is their favorite memory with you?)

Her favorite memory is your first date together! She laughs back at it because you both were such nervous stuttering wrecks. She still teases you about the corny things you said that day and it’s embarrassing because you weren’t the only one.

S= Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you?)

She’s super protective when your not around friends or family, if your at the club or somewhere where you don’t know anyone she has eyes in the back of her head! Will suspect that everyone in the room has bad intentions. But when your around friends she loosens up because she trusts them!

T= Try (How much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries, and everyday tasks?)

She puts a bunch of effort into dates! Will always take you to your favorite restaurants but if you two want to stay in she will order your favorite takeout and will put on your favorite movie! She remembers dates really well, she always surprises you with something on your anniversary and you do the same. She overall puts a lot of effort into the relationship!

U= Ugly (What’s a bad habit of theirs?)

I don’t think she has really any bad habits but maybe her working a bunch even when she doesn’t have too!

V= Vanity (How concerned are they about their looks?)

She isn’t really that concerned about her looks when it comes to you, but when you two go out she sometimes is.

W= Whole (Do they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes! Once when you went out of state to visit your family for a week, she kept on calling you, and texting you about almost everything she had done that day! When you came back she could not stop smothering you with love!

X= Xtra (Random Head-canon for them)

I have a feeling that she absolutely loves you wearing skirts and really girly things in general, she likes how different it looks from hers and in general really likes it. But do not fret my masc girlies she really likes the style too! She thinks it’s cool having the same sense of fashion and being able to share things.

Y= Yuck (Something they wouldn’t like)

She would HATE it when you doubt yourself! She sometimes takes it badly since she always assures you all the time!

Z= Zzz (What are some of their sleeping habits?)

As I have mentioned throughout the head-canons, she sleeps really late sometimes! But she loves to cuddle you and prefers for you guys to face each other but sometimes she likes to spoon you!

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’ve read through some of your old posts and I gotta say…I love me some angst. May I kindly, pretty please with a plastic cherry on top, ask for TADC gang with an S/O who abstracted a while back, but then they ‘respawn’ one day with a glitch affect about them, and their memory was totally wiped? Like it was their first day in the digital world? The glitch affect doesn’t hurt them or anyone like what happened to Ragetha and Pomni btw.

TADC cast x mended!reader

so funny story i was about to sit down and work on this about 4 hours ago but then my parents said they were going to watch the fnaf movie in the garage and i literally dropped everything and watched it so uh uh. the reason the grind stopped was because of fnaf movie and now im kinda tempted to pick up my fnaf fic again anyways! i did a similar post, here! jax and caines parts here will be short, really only focusing on the glitch aspect for them in this post, since the other half has already been written!

CAINE:

just got flashed with an image but you know that scene where the iron giant is trying to pick the boy up but hes like limp or something and the giant pulls back (ive never watched iron giant i just know this clip from a meme) i think it would be like that if he tried to poof your glitching away; but like. in an emotional way, if that makes sense. like its the same kind of carefulness and worry, i think... bonus if he does more damage than not

JAX:

honestly a little too scared to even touch you out of the deep seeded fear of getting all glitchy as well. like he knows it wont spread to him, but you know...

POMNI:

similar to jax i think she would instinctively avoid touching you even though she knows its fine... the whole hand thing making her overly cautious for future scenarios, you know? i think she would slip up and accidentally bring up something you and her did before you abstracted, or call you an endearing name before abruptly stopping herself and trailing off, sad stuff. grief makes her tear between wanting to find an exit faster and trying to make you remember/stay for you

RAGATHA:

poor girl :( i think she would genuinely try to make an effort to re/befriend you and try not to have her hopes too high for the two of you to get back together. if you hear about your past relationship and want to learn more about it, shell tell you what you want to know, but i doubt she would instantly start dating you again if you suggest the two of you trying to give the relationship a second shot... i think that would need some time

KINGER:

bro is gonna be going through it, first he loses his possible wife to abstraction and now he lost you.. got you back, but you dont remember anything. on top of that you look.. off.. sure it doesnt hurt you but it still looks like it would be uncomfortable, even if it isnt

stuck between longing to rekindle your old relationship and letting you go in order to allow himself to process this grief; the third option is potential abstraction for himself

ZOOBLE:

tries not to care. they want to forget everything like you did, they were finally starting to be normal after your abstraction. but now your back in a clean slate, mind wiped and memories gone. how does someone cope with that? as much as it hurts them they think it would be best for them to pretend you were a stranger again

GANGLE:

saying it again, poor girl. mix of pomni and ragatha here i think, like she keeps messing up and verbally reminiscing before realizing you cant relate to what shes saying anymore. will tell you anything you want to know about the past, but i think it would take a lot longer for her to consider getting with you again than ragatha. for both its kind of a "i dont want them to feel obligated to try because we were together once" type deal

[anxiouspotatorants]

Since there is exactly one (1) Mabel x Theo fic on AO3 as of the creation of this post, I just want to throw out some fic ideas for others to take freely (and hell, maybe I’ll make something out of these myself too):

Childhood interactions: you can do a lot here, like Mabel making a mystery about Theo or Theo finding Mabel’s sketchbook when she loses it or just cute little meetups that they’ll look back on as adults

Hardy Boys: I mean you could do angsty Theo wishing he could join the pack? Mabel doing another mystery about Theo and the others teasing her about it? AU where Theo is actually a Hardy Boy and a cute slowburn romance?

New Years party: unknown New Years party where they give each other a quick New Years peck that they both think about years later. This is free real estate people, there is so much you can do with these two and New Years parties

Coffee shop AU but instead Mabel has a studio right over Theo’s funeral home

Arthur Conan Doyle-style detective AU: Mabel is part of a detective agency in the late 1800s and is investigating the murder of her childhood friend all the while getting suspiciously close to a certain undertaker

Soulmate AU: You can do so much here. Soulmate tattoos with Theo’s being one in Mabel’s artstyle. Quote AU where Mabel has no idea Theo is her soulmate for ages because his first words to her are in sign language and Theo has no idea because Mabel is a mumbler. The black-and-white to colour thingy but neither knows because they spotted each other during a black out or alarm that set them in the same room as every other tenant at the Arconia, so they both treat the soulmate search like an investigation

Heist AU: Theo is a master jewel thief following in his father’s footsteps and Mabel is a museum guide with a detective streak who happens to be on duty for a touring collection that just arrived

[thefreakymunson]

hi!! i LOVE how you write angst and i got this idea that i think you would KILL: im eddie thinking takes the reader to a concert after party where certain…unfamiliar substances…are present and she somehow ingests them by accident. she’s freaking out because she doesn’t know what’s happening and starts to have a rly bad trip. eddie finds her and helps her through it, taking her home, apologizing PROFUSELY because he feels like it’s his fault for putting her in danger, etc. ends in fluff bc he makes her feel better but eddie realizes he maybe should be more responsible?? im gonna be honest i know very little about that kinda stuff so i say go crazy creatively speaking but i think it would work rly well with his character !! don’t feel pressured to write if you’re not comfortable though !! ty :)

You were hesitant to come along to the after party but Eddie was still your best friend. Things had just been a little rocky between the two of you since you and him had gotten into an argument over something so trivial the week before. You couldn’t even remember what truly started the argument. You just remembered hearing him say the words: “No wonder no one wants to be with you. You’re too much of a bitch most of the time.”

And you hit back with, “You’re just always going to be a fucking lowlife drug dealer in this shitty town while I use my bitchiness to succeed.”

It lead to a yelling fight where you both hashed out mean words that neither of you meant. You left his trailer that night and didn’t speak to him for nearly three days, which was a record in the relationship you had with Eddie. You were usually inseparable. Even though you weren’t together, or not exclusive, you still had feelings for him.

Those three days made you miss him and you were the first to budge. You went by his house after school one day, walked into the trailer, sat yourself directly on his lap, and kissed him as if your life depended on it. You weren’t sure why you done it – well, no other reason than you were usually shitty with words and expressing your feelings verbally. He said nothing with his words, but the way he gripped you and pulled you tighter against him, and then fucked you on the couch, spoke volumes.

There were still hurt feelings – you both had said horrible things, but you were both trying to work past them because the friendship, and budding relationship, meant everything to both of you. And that’s how you ended up at Corroded Coffin’s after party, even though you rarely went to bars. You’d do anything for Eddie even if it pushed you out of your comfort zone a bit.

You had spent most of the night dancing with the group of friends you had, mostly girls by now as the guys were getting tired. Your feet were screaming at you though and you made you way over to Eddie who was sitting at the bar, beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, as he chatted with whoever was sitting beside of him. You placed your hands on his thighs and leaned into him as you spoke.

“Eddie,” you whined into his ear, “My feet are killing me. You still have those Tylenol in your pocket?”

“Sure do, doll.” Eddie said, pulling out the contents of his back pocket which had way more than just two little tylenols you had asked him to hold onto earlier. Several small baggies filled with different pills of various sizes and shapes blurred past you as he sifted through them to find the two pills.

He handed you the baggie with two little white pills that you thought looked a bit odd, but it was dark in the bar and you were already a little drunk. You trusted him, took the tylenol out of the bag, and popped them in your mouth without a second thought.

“You having fun?” Eddie yelled over the song that started blaring through the speakers.

“Loads,” you grinned, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before you pulled back, picked up your drink, and went back to the dance floor.

-

Eddie had noticed he hadn’t seen you in the last thirty minutes and that was odd. You knew how to keep yourself safe but he still liked to keep a check on you every few minutes – he knew how guys could be in these situations. They were all high, thanks to him, and he barely knew any of the guys other than his band members.

“Hey, have you seen Y/N?” Eddie asked, gently touching the girls arm that he seen you dancing with earlier.

“Yeah but it’s been a few minutes...said she needed some air and that she was getting dizzy.” She shrugged.

He scanned the room once more before he made his way out the front door. He found you sitting with your back against the brick wall on the far end of the building, your shoes sitting beside of you as you held your head in your hands.

“Y/N,” Eddie called out as he jogged closer to you, “Hey – you okay?”

“Somethings wrong,” you groaned, trying to look up at him but every time you moved your head, your vision seemed to blur and you couldn’t make out his shape.

“Hey, what’s up?” Eddie asked, squatting down beside of you, “You’re gonna get your pretty dress all marked up sitting on the ground like that.”

He got a closer look at you, seeing your smeared makeup and your pupils blown wide.

“I – I don’t know,” you said with an eerily calm voice that didn’t match your expression one bit, “I took the tylenol and ever since then...nothing feels like it’s moving, Eddie. Am I breathing? Are you breathing?”

Eddie racked his brain, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. And then it hit him. He hurriedly turned away from you and pulled the baggies back out of his pocket, sorting through them quickly. He felt his heart sink at the sight of the two tylenol’s still in the baggie that he was supposed to have given you earlier.

“Fuck,” he groaned and shoved it all back into his pocket as he tried to think of what to do next.

“How many did you take, Y/N?”

“Two. The two in the bag.” You nodded.

Goddamnit, Eddie. You’ve really fucked up now, he thought to himself as he stared at you.

“Okay. That wasn’t tylenol, baby. That was something much – much different.” Eddie sighed as he walked over to you, “Let’s go home, yeah? Maybe that will help if we get you in bed.”

He helped you into the van, making sure your seat belt was tightly fastened before he got in the drivers seat. When the car went to take off, you groaned and held your head as you bent over.

“I know, I know.” Eddie sighed, gently rubbing your back, “Just keep your head down. It’ll help.”

Eddie felt ashamed for the first time in a very, very long time. He wasn’t proud of the fact that he sold drugs but half of these idiots in this town would never become anything. They were all addicts and he could get by with the feeling of helping them because it was truly only the money he was after. But this? This sight in front of him crushed him.

You were a good girl. You rarely smoked weed. Sure you drank and had a little fun every once in awhile. You deserved to. Eddie had wanted this to be a fun night away from the distraction of work and school and here he was accidentally getting you high. You were a straight A student and you were a hard worker. What if they randomly drug tested you at work? What if this got you addicted? What if he just screwed up the trajectory of your life?

He should’ve just left you alone after the argument, told you to leave when you sat in his lap, restrained himself from touching you. He didn’t deserve any of that from you. You were a good person and he was just some lowlife drug dealer who didn’t deserve a shot at having a life with you. Eddie Munson had never hated himself more than he did in this moment.

Before you even realized what was happening, you were being pulled from the van as Eddie helped you walk, tucking himself under your arm as he helped you up the two small steps and then into the trailer.

“Eddie, what’s wrong with me?” You asked him after a few minutes of stumbling through the small hallway, “Why’d you do this to me? What did you give me?”

“I didn’t mean to,” he said as he choked back the tears that threatened to fall.

He helped you get back into the bedroom and you flopped down on the mattress face first, groaning the dizziness came back at the sudden movement. He sat down on the floor beside of you as you turned to look at him.

“What’d I do wrong, Eds?” You asked, willing the room to stop spinning as you tried to look at Eddie but he seemed to be floating in your vision.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” Eddie said, soothing your hair back, “This was just a mistake. I fucked up and I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Eddie?” You asked softly, feeling his hand on the side of your face.

“Yeah?”

“Why do you do it?” You whispered, “Can’t nobody like feeling like this...how do you...be okay with doing this to people?”

“Guess I’m just some lowlife drug dealer after all, hm?” He frowned behind his palm as he looked at you, watching as your eyes slipped closed. He soothed your hair back, trying to keep you calm until you were fast asleep. When your breathing slowed and you dropped your grip on his arm, he knew you were fast asleep and would be out for awhile. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, pressing his face into the mattress as he cried silently, body heaving as he sobbed. He would never forgive himself for this and he knew you wouldn’t either. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness.

When you woke up the next morning, you realized you had practically wrapped yourself around Eddie in a vice grip. You weren’t sure what happened but the last thing you remembered was being in the dance floor with your friends and asking Eddie for Tylenol.

When he felt you stir, he was immediately awake, gripping your chin and checking your pupils. He visibly relaxed when he saw they were normal sized and you were sentient now. You nuzzled into his palm, placing a kiss in the middle of it as you looked up at him.

“You okay, baby?” He asked softly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “Don’t remember anything that happened but I’m okay.”

“I…” he closed his eyes and sighed. He knew he needed to tell you the truth but he knew it was going to hurt when you got mad at him. “I accidentally gave you X.”

“X?” You looked at him in confusion, “What’s that?”

“Ecstasy,” he sighed, “I know. I know. I fucked up and I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

You sat up a bit, pulling back away from his grip and he braced himself for the onslaught of anger. But you couldn’t be mad at him. Not with him staring at you with those big eyes and the sad expression. You knew him better than to ever think he’d ever purposefully give you something like that.

“So that’s why I don’t remember coming back to your place, huh?” You laughed softly, shocking him.

“You’re not mad?”

“I can’t be mad at you, Eds.” You sighed, reaching for his hand, “I thought they looked odd before I swallowed them but I didn’t think twice. I know you’re not going to give me something like that to try and hurt me, Eddie. I know that.”

He sat up and you leaned in closer to him, resting your forehead against his as he stroked your cheek. He wouldn’t bring up what you said to him last night. It hurt too bad to even remember the look on your face.

You could tell he was still fighting himself internally. The stress was elucidated on his face and you hated it. He didn’t do anything wrong on purpose.

“You okay?” You asked him.

“Yeah,” he shrugged, “You?”

“Feelin’ a lil hungover,” you sighed and nodded, “But I’m okay. It was an accident.”

He his hand around the back of your neck and gently kissed your lips, sighing as you moved closer against him until you were pressing him back down in the mattress and straddling his waist.

“I love you, Eds.” You mumbled, “Forgive yourself, okay?”

[twilight-orchid]

How The Demon Brothers React After Fighting With Their SO

tw: some angst with resolution at the end, mentions of past arguments, insecurity.

Lucifer:

This man is petty as hell.

He doesn’t do the silent treatment, but he acts like you aren’t dating.

If you need to work on something together, you’re a co-worker.

At RAD you’re a classmate.

Around the house you’re just a housemate.

His poker face is immaculate and it will not crack when you’re around.

If someone didn’t know what was happening, they’d probably think you two barely knew each other.

However, you won’t notice, but as soon as you look the other way his eyes are on you.

He’s used to arguing with his brothers and is no stranger to explosive fights that end with he and the other person not being on speaking terms.

But you’re different.

He tries to go on with business as usual, but he can’t think about anything other than how much he misses you.

Yet, he lets it continue because he just can’t put his pride aside and apologize.

If you decide to sleep in your old room it’ll both hurt his feelings and royally piss him off.

He thinks you’re being childish and will be pretty rude about it, but that’s because internally his blood just ran cold.

It adds a degree of seriousness to the argument that he’s uncomfortable with.

Yes he’s mad, but he can’t lose you.

If you still sleep in his bed, he makes sure to scoot over to the very edge so he doesn’t cuddle you in his sleep.

In fact, the first night after the argument he’d probably put a pillow between you just to really punctuate the fact that he’s still upset.

I’d say it could go 4 days to a week tops without you making up.

After a point though, he just can’t function until the issue is resolved. He can’t sleep, he’s falling behind on his work, and he’s just generally not doing well.

You get called to his office one night and find him at his desk surrounded by piles of paper, disheveled and exhausted.

“MC, come sit down. I’d like to talk this through. Please.”

Mammon:

He’s so dramatic.

You dare defy him? The Great Mammon can’t believe this tiny fragile human would have the audacity.

The theatrics are just a front though.

His ‘The Great Mammon’ act is a mask for his insecurity, one he hasn’t had to use with you in awhile.

Even as the words leave his mouth he regrets them.

He’s going to be very uncomfortable with everything until the argument is resolved, but most of all himself.

He’s learned not to take his brothers too seriously when they toss insults his way, but words have a way of morphing to belief over time.

Internally he is going to be super hard on himself. 

Regardless of if the fight was his fault or not, he’s going to kick himself constantly for making yet another mistake.

He’s over the argument pretty fast. The anger quickly melts into anxiety.

Are you going to leave him? Do you hate him? Did he hurt your feelings? 

That being said, he doesn’t know if you’re still mad and he doesn’t know how to ask. 

As a defense mechanism, he defaults to how he treated you when you first arrived in the devildom.

Calls you human, disregards you, stuff like that.

If you decide to sleep in another room, before midnight expect him to be knocking on the door.

“Oi, MC. You awake? I just - I can’t - *sigh* Can we talk about this?”

If you sleep in his bed, he makes a point of sleeping with his back to you.

Less because he’s actually mad and more because he doesn’t want his image of you as he drifts to sleep to be a look of anger.

Though as soon as he passes out he’ll roll over and tuck you into his arms on instinct.

I’d say any after effects of an argument with Mammon would be resolved in a day, maybe two tops.

Leviathan:

Arguing activates his trolling the forums mode.

Goes back to calling you a normie and contradicts everything you say.

He’s less mad about the argument and more using the bitterness to cope with how upset he is.

He feels like a break up is less of an if and more of a when.

Why would someone as amazing as you settle for weird otaku like him?

Honestly doesn’t understand why you’re with him in the first place, so when there’s a serious argument he assumes its over.

Tbh don’t know how you and Levi would sleep together being that I doubt two could fit in a tub, but any deviation to your routine sends him into a panic.

It’s his reality check that the situation is serious and he needs to fix it NOW.

He’d have trouble apologizing in person. He can’t think of what to say, he stumbles over his words, and he feels like he’s on the verge of a panic attack.

Instead, expect a long ass text message.

He says how sorry he is, how much he misses and loves you, and legit begs you to forgive him.

If you sleep with him like normal, he’ll probably try to make up after laying there for awhile. His mind is going a million miles an hour and there’s no way he can sleep.

Still really has trouble verbalizing how he feels, so give the poor boy a break and take over the conversation.

He hasn’t had a serious relationship before and he doesn’t know what he should do to make it better.

So the after effects will last however long it takes him to read several mangas, watch some anime, and play a few games to see how the characters get over arguments in the story.

Satan:

Satan makes sure not to fight with you over minor issues.

He’s worked tirelessly to tame his wrath and he refuses to feed into it over a minor issue.

Thus, if you fight with Satan it’s a major argument and it’s explosive.

The aftermath isn’t much better.

He doesn’t want to risk blowing up again, so he’s frighteningly calm.

He’s an absolute master of the silent treatment.

He won’t say a word to you until he’s certain he’s calmed down enough.

For the first few days he’ll straight up leave a room if you enter.

For a good while the only way you can expect to communicate with him is through his body language and the expression in his eyes.

Satan’s biggest fear is losing control and lashing out at you. 

He couldn’t live with himself if he hurt you and he can’t stand the thought of you being afraid of him. 

He’s a whirlwind of emotions, so he isolates himself until he can figure out how to deal with it.

Not just from you, but from everyone else too. 

Satan will not share a bed with you for at least the first night.

If he got worked up enough to actually fight, it’s gonna take him time to simmer down.

And he’d rather not risk doing or saying something he regrets in the meantime.

Once he’s ready, he’ll approach you when he’s completely calmed down and has thoroughly analyzed the situation.

He’s considered both of your sides, tried to pinpoint what caused the disagreement to turn into a fight, and made a plan of action to prevent it from happening again.

“MC? I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what happened. Would you please talk it through with me?”

He won’t apologize for the argument if he feels like he was right, but he will apologize for letting the disagreement escalate into a fight.

Satan could go weeks without making up if necessary, but he tries to resolve it within a couple of days.

Asmodeus:

Wants to give you the silent treatment, but is physically incapable.

He can’t stand to have you ignore him.

He’s the type to go back to normal then suddenly remembers you guys had a fight.

“Wait, no! I’m not talking to you! I’m mad at you!”

His biggest downfall is that he’s so stubborn.

If he thinks he was right, he will die on that hill.

There are arguments with his brothers that happened a thousand years ago and he could still tell you exactly why he was right.

But with you, he realizes that doesn’t matter too him nearly as much as it usually does.

If it means going back to normal, he’ll forget who’s right or wrong.

If you sleep in another room, he’s beyond offended.

“What?! Well fine! I don’t want you in my bed anyway!”

Laying in bed alone is a different story though.

He can’t sleep. All he can think about is you. Your face when you sleep next to him, your smell, the feeling of his arms around you.

He 100% cries.

Finally goes and knocks on your door with wet, glossy eyes.

“MC? Can we talk about this? I can’t get my beauty sleep and my tears are wiping off all of my skin care lotion!”

Will throw himself into your arms before you can answer.

If you sleep next to him still, he rolls over and watches you sleep.

It puts him at peace and he decides seeing your sweet, resting face every morning is worth more to him than the argument.

He’ll initiate the conversation the next morning.

I think Asmo could make it a few days if it was a really serious argument, but he will not function well until you make up.

Beelzebub:

Wants to make up immediately.

He doesn’t like to argue, even less so with you.

Whether he was right or wrong, he blames himself. He’ll take all the blame in the world if it makes you happy.

He’ll go make you your favorite food and bring it to you.

If he thinks you don’t want to talk to him, he’ll leave it outside your door and text you to let you know it’s there.

He’s honestly devastated if you decide to sleep in another room.

You guys migrate to your old room when you want privacy from Belphie, but you almost never sleep separately.

Seeing you grab your pillows and march out of the room nearly stops his heart.

He goes completely numb and silent as he just stares at the space you had just occupied.

Like Levi, he thinks this means the relationship is over and he genuinely does not know what to do with himself.

He can’t even bring himself to eat, he just wants to lie there, lost and trying to grapple with his emotions. 

He’s another one who will absolutely cry, but unlike Asmo he will make sure no one knows it.

If you still sleep in his bed, he’s very nervous about it.

He doesn’t know if it’s okay to touch you, what he can or can’t say, stuff like that.

He just lays there stiff as a board not even able to close his eyes.

Honestly the fight would probably have to be resolved before bed. His anxiety just can’t take it.

I don’t think he’d initiate the apology. Not because he doesn’t want to make up but because his confidence is rock bottom in these situations.

He catastophizes and honestly thinks you hate him.

If you don’t initiate the apology soon, Belphie will. He can feel what his twin won’t say, and he knows Beel won’t approach you about it for fear of making it worse.

Belphie will lock you two in a room if that’s what it takes for you to make up.

Belphegor:

The embodiment of if looks could kill.

He won’t talk to you, won’t look at you, basically pretends you aren’t there.

If he must interact with you he’ll roll his eyes and sigh the whole time.

Tries to sleep through any interaction so he doesn’t have to deal with it.

He feels almost betrayed by the fight.

He thought the relationship was stronger than to have such a huge divide, so he’s really insecure about it.

After the first day, the anger has melted away to guilt.

He ‘s not guilty that you fought, but he is guilty about how he treated you after.

Guilt and self-blame have become unwelcome friends at this point. Guilt over Lilith, over his plans to destroy the human world, everything.

But more than anything else, the guilt for the fact that he attacked you weighs on him every day.

He moved past it quickly after, essentially pretending he hadn’t killed you, but that’s because he just couldn’t confront what he’d done. 

He feels like the luckiest demon alive that you forgave him, let alone  opened you heart enough to love him, and now it’s all in tatters.

Another thing to regret.

If you decide to sleep separately, it’ll hit him like a bag of bricks.

“You - what? Where are you going?” 

It’ll take him a second to process what you were doing, but then he’ll roll over and let you leave.

“Fine. Don’t let the door hit you.”

No one will see him for awhile. 

Belphie sleeps all the time anyway, but he just can’t make himself get out of bed.

If you don’t approach him to apologize, Beel will tell you that he’s been nauseous and randomly emotional which must mean his twin is coping very badly. 

Will beg you to go make Belphie happy again. 

If you sleep in his bed still, the argument will be resolved by morning.

He can’t keep himself from embracing you in his sleep, and it’s hard to say you’re mad at someone when you wake up in their loving arms.

It’s hard to pinpoint how long it could last with Belphie. If you don’t apologize first, he won’t let himself be conscious long enough to approach you.

This is both my first hc post as well as my first obey me post so I’m sorry if le boys are ooc. I just got this idea and couldn’t stop thinking about it so here we are.  Especially Belphie, he was hard to me for some reason. Let me know if you guys agree or disagree and if you want to send a request or ask, my box is open! 

[absolutepokemontrash]

Hi! So, I absolutely love your series where the MC is the kid of Lucifer, and I was wondering if I could request that with Diavolo and Barbatos? •v•

:0 you definitely can! Right now I’m just doing Diavolo, but Barb’s will be up sometime soon!

MC is Half Demon and Oh Shit They’re Diavolo’s Kid-

Diavolo wasn’t exactly what one would expect of the prince of Hell, I mean, he was suppressing the urge to bounce in his seat from pure excitement. I mean, his exchange program was starting! Humans, demons, and angels, all together, his dream was coming true.

All that was left was for the student to arrive, the portal opened, and the human fell flat on their back. Oof, maybe Diavolo should have set up some kind of landing zone filled with pillows. No matter! The human was-

…

What peculiar eyes this human had…

Oh… oh dear…

Dad-volo

The MC was his child, no question about it. This was… very unexpected. Well, the entire assembly hall was completely quiet, and the kid looked like they were getting impatient.

“HEY! Mind telling me what the hell is going on?!”

After that, Diavolo launches into his explanation, also the explanation that he’s definitely this kid’s dad. Kid was not impressed, they tried to square up with Diavolo and Lucifer had never been more confused as to what to do.

Well, the moment MC sprouted wings and launched themselves at Diavolo, Dia caught them with one hand and continued speaking like nothing happened.

MC, please calm down… Diavolo didn’t know they existed, let him make it up to them! They’re going to stay at the Demon Lord’s Castle! Dia’s going to be a good dad!

“This feels like the plot to the world’s most messed up fairytale.” MC jammed their hands into their pockets and grumbled. “I get sucked into hell and find out I’m royalty there. Great.”

Diavolo managed to smile and awkwardly reach out to give them a pat on the head, then retracted his hand after the kid shot him a glare. “Well, it’s not a very traditional fairytale, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy your time here.”

“Mm, sure.” MC mumbled.

Okay, so his child wasn’t that enthusiastic about the exchange program, but Diavolo was sure they’d come around.

Dia tried everything he could possibly think of to get his kid to both like him and enjoy their time as an exchange student. A lot of things had… mixed results.

Also, legally recognizing MC as his child and legitimizing them caused a big stink amongst the nobles who were opposed to the exchange program to begin with. So MC then had to deal with a few assassins. Wonderful. Fantastic. Show stopping. Dia, be a good dad and comfort your angsty murder target- I MEAN preteen.

They do manage to build a good relationship fairly quickly despite their less than stellar first impressions, and Diavolo made them a promise that he knew he wouldn’t ever break: he would let them live as normal a childhood as possible.

This means that MC gets to do all the normal kid stuff that Diavolo wasn’t allowed to do. It honestly works out great for everyone. MC gets to live their life, Diavolo gets the satisfaction of knowing that his kid’s having fun, and Barbatos doesn’t need to worry about MC causing chaos in the castle.

Man… does this kid’s magic potential scare the shit out of everyone though…

Tired Uncle Lucifer

No. This has to be a violation of his worker rights. It cannot be legal for him to be this stressed.

He knew this exchange program was a bad idea. LUCIFER FUCKING KNEW IT. This kid was judging him. Why did he suddenly feel self conscious about every single one of his features? This child was picking him apart and they hadn’t even said anything!

He confiscated Asmo’s phone immediately, this was a matter of national security! Satan’s too! Beel as- oh shit Lucifer may have to give Beel the heimlich maneuver, then take his phone.

When all the brothers eventually got back to the HOL, they were greeted with Mammon getting shaken down by Levi.

“Lucifer! Ya won’t believe this! Levi- what’s wrong with you?” “The exchange student is Diavolo’s child.” “What..?” “*pops the cork off a bottle of Demonus* the exchange student’s Diavolo’s child.”

The worst part about this kid was that they took to the privileges of being royalty like a fish to water. MC went out and did whatever the fuck they wanted, and Lucifer needed to make sure a state of national emergency wasn’t called just because MC picked a fight at RAD.

It didn’t help that MC was just so unimpressed with Lucifer. Anytime Lucifer would tell them not to do something they would just raise their eyebrows and challenge his authority without saying a word.

What the fuck.jpg

The things he does for his prince boyfriend…

Cool Uncle Mammon

Huh, so this little pipsqueak is Lord Diavolo‘s kid? Hm, do ya think they’d let him into the royal treasury? No? Okay… lame.

Mammon then decides this kid would be just perfect for scamming people! Who is going to say no to the Crown Prince’s kid? A suicidal person, that’s who!

And the kid is… up for it? Wow, Mammon didn’t even have to grovel! Awesome!

It’s such a shame that Lucifer came in and promptly removed MC from Mammon’s presence. Tsk, killjoy…

Mammon and MC do get along swimmingly after MC stops angsting. Whenever they hang out it’s pure chaos.

And they would have gotten away with it too- wait, they do get away with it. Because who’s going to question the Crown Prince’s kid? >:)

Reclusive Uncle Leviathan

Levi was in the middle of throttling Mammon for his money back when Lucifer burst through the door looking like he had spent over 1000 Grimm on a gacha game only to not get the card he wanted.

And where was that human he said would be staying with them? Huh? The human’s HUH????!!!!

… wack. Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped out on that Student Council Meeting…

Either way, ew, new person he needed to talk to. NO THANKS. Well, no thanks until MC started to visit the HOL to hang out with Mammon. Of course those two normies decided to bug him. OF COURSE.

Levi finally snapped when MC loudly proclaimed that they could totally beat Levi in Mario Kart. Haha, NO. Levi challenged the little runt to a 1 v 1 race on Rainbow Road.

Kid lost. Obviously. Rainbow Road is rigged.

Honestly, kid’s alright. Still a total normie, but not completely terrible.

Cat Uncle Satan

Huh, a half human child of the soon to be demon king, how very interesting.

Oh, and just look at Lucifer’s face. :D priceless. Satan wished he was fast enough to get his DDD out to snap a picture, but he wasn’t able to…

But back to MC, oh how very intriguing. How much power do they have in comparison to Diavolo? Will using that power rip their fragile little body apart? Would they learn to control it? Satan was just dying to find out.

His feelings on the child themselves were mixed at best. They were clearly unhappy with the situation and Satan could sympathize, being thrust into a completely new world and then being told you can’t leave and are also royalty? That has to be hard. But this kid was still being an unreasonable little shit.

Satan continued to try and study MC from afar until the kid themselves walked right up to him and half demanded half pleaded for his help in studying for a test.

Not being one to avoid an opportunity to flex how smart he is, Satan agreed to help out. (Nerrrrd)

And honestly, it went well. When the kid wasn’t being a little shit, they were actually quite pleasant to be around.

Overly Affectionate Uncle Asmo

…wut

Listen, when Asmo asked Lucifer to pick a cute human, he didn’t mean cute as in CHILD.

This kid was DIAVOLO’S?! What lucky human had gotten to have the experience of [Jesus Fucking Christ, Asmo I’m not writing what he said for the sake of the nation]

Anyhoo~ little MC just made his heart go “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SO CUTE!” They were so cute Asmo could just eat them up!

But they were so mean! That scowl they always had on was going to give them wrinkles and ruin their perfectly cute face!

Sigh, oh well. He can’t manually rearrange people’s expressions. What he can do is take this child shopping. Poor Diavolo was constantly in his RAD uniform, this poor innocent baby shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate.

The kid continued to scowl at everything, but at the same time, their little quips were very entertaining. This little kid spitting verbal venom at anyone who displeased them reminded Asmo of someone… he just couldn’t place who, but they definitely had amazing hair and a cute face :3

Hungry Uncle Beel

Where’s the takeout- I mean human? What’s happening? …are all humans this small? Dang, that’s barely enough for a snack.

So the human’s not going to live with us because they’re not fully human and Diavolo’s kid? Huh. Wild. Anyway, what’s for dinner?

Beel’s not too invested in this drama, he misses Belphie too much to be that interested…

The kid’s weirdly interested in how cool and strong Beel is though. MC tails him to the gym pretty often.

Diavolo and Beel already being gym buddies send tweet-

Since this benevolent little shit likes Beel so much, they decided to take it upon themselves to help with the family drama.

Beel finds that very sweet 🥺

Murder sleepy Uncle Belphie

Oh man… if you thought Belphie was being unfair to L!MC due to their parentage… hoo boy…

When this kid waltzed up the attic steps like they ran the place, Belphie needed to hold himself back from trying to break down the door and throttle this kid.

Pff, of course Diavolo would have a half human kid. Of course.

…kid beat the shit out of him when he tried to kill them. We stan this MC.

After all is said and done, Belphie still isn’t overly fond of MC. They’re brash and rude and only funny 40% of the time. They don’t even like napping 😒

But Beel likes the little runt, so Belphie and MC put up with each other.

Bonus! Your Angelic Uncle Simeon’s Chihuahua

:0 friend!

MC: *speaks*

>:0 not friend! Begone! *throws crucifix*

[kunimikat]

How they act after you break up with them.

(I made sure to check but there might be small grammar errors, and this is a long one so strap in 🙇, but hope you enjoy angst+fluff here) but not me actually feeling bad for them after-

Is more out of it then usual.

The reason you broke up with him is because you felt like it wasn’t a real relationship. And more like you sometimes got to talk during class, and sometimes out of school.

He writes in his a separate notebook of ways he could’ve done better

Starts comparing himself to other guys more often

Leaves earlier then everyone else to got to dorms.

Mumbles even more then usual, and sometimes the only person that can snap him out of it is Aizawa.

Sometimes takes it out on his friends

“Hey Deku!-“

“Not right now Uraraka.”

“Oi, Deku nerd, the-“

“Can you not right now Kacchan?”

“HAAH?-“

“Midoryia! Would you like to study?”

“Maybe later Iida...”

Todoroki offered him soba but it resulted in Midoriya slowly slurping up soba as he looked into the void of people

He shut everyone one out and didn’t talk barely most of the week.

He’d take out a lot of his anger during training.

It somehow finally clicks into place how bad you feel and how much you miss him when All Might pull you aside and asks. “Uhhh...Is Young Midoriya ok? I’m getting real worried....ITS NOT LIKE I DONT WORRY ABOUT MY OTHER STUDENTS HAHAHA! HOW’S-

There’s 15 minutes of your life awkwardly telling All Might how all your classmates are doing.

Which made you want to jump off the top of UA at the moment.

You decide to head to his dorm and ask him about it, cause you feel like it’s your fault.

You walk in on him crying, clutching the shirt you bought for him on his birthday.

You almost dropped to your knees in guilt at the sight

You rushed over and sat by him, comforting him, though it wasn’t much as you started crying too.

Basically a crying festival for an hour.

“Please....Please Y/N I love you so much, I promise I’ll make it work, and I’ll do my best to make it up to you, just please...PLEASE don’t leave me.” You kiss him on the lips and then his hand, “Babe it’s not all on you, I promise I’ll do better this time too, I’m so sorry for being selfish, I love you, ok?” Another crying fest.

After you start dating again:

Always makes sure you’re comfortable, and checks into your dorm before he starts a study session.

Helps you with your work before his. ( Though you insist he doesn’t as he’s gotten points off multiple times for turning in his work late.)

Goes on dates every time you have some free space in your schedules. Somehow ends up in an All Might merch shop 80% of the time.

!!CUDDLE SESSIONS AFTER HERO TRAINING AT ALL TIMES!! Even in Recovery Girl’s office, though many times she bops you both on the head and tells you to get out.

(If you both like All Might) You both geek out over new All Might stuff, and his old interviews while wearing an All Might onesies.

(If you like a different hero) You could spend hours bickering on who’s best hero, pulling up recordings and articles on the. With you holding your favorite hero plushie and him wearing All Might pajamas.

And waking up early just to take a long route to school together.

Makes sure to say ‘I love you’ at every small moment, and compliments you, though he can’t take compliments himself-

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“I...I understand, but why?”

Tears well up in his eyes and he for once he keeps eye contact with you, without looking away

It takes everything in you to not breakdown

“I’m sorry Izuku, I just don’t think it’ll work out in the end.” He grabs your hand and holds it both of his. He puts it to his forehead, nearly on his knees at this point. You try not to cry with him, but you knew it wasn’t going to end up a happily ever after in the end. And you wanted to break it off before that could happen.

“Izuku, I know, I know, I’m so sorry, I wish it couldn’t end like this-“

“Then don’t let it. Please Y/N don’t let this end.”

You eyes welled up as you put a hand over your mouth while repeating ‘I’m sorry, so sorry Izuku’. You looked away from him as you slipped your hand out of his, you close your eyes painfully, the tears finally running down your face. You couldn’t help but look back one more time, and almost wanted to run to where he was and take it all back. He sat on his knees, his head in his hands as painful sobs wracked his body. You quickly leave the room, shutting the door behind you.

You both were pretty quiet and emotionless the whole week.

Midoriya was even worse then before,

It got to the point where sometimes he didn’t eat or sleep

He barely responded to anything anyone said

Hell, even Bakugo was worried at some point

Midoriya would always go back to his dorm and cuddle with the gifts you gave him while you were dating.

It took a long time for him to get over it, and even when he thought it did, he still gets emotional over it

Even after highschool it pains him to see your off doing your own thing without you at his side the whole time

Quieter then usual

Is so deep in thought, sometimes forgets he’s in class or what he’s doing

During tests, or while working on assignments he’d be so deep in thought he didn’t realize he broke his pencil, or used his quirk on his desk

Instead of having his usual outburst on people he’d just walk off, or click his tounge and walk off

Even during Hero Lessons he’d be less calculated, and not as pumped up

When anyone tried to ask he’d just say “Fuck off, I’m fine.”

His grades slightly dropped

He had bags under his eyes, and had even worse posture then usual

When it came time to leave, he’d be the first one out, and no one could find out where he’d go

A permanent frown was on his face at all times (basically him most of time but with a deeper frown)

No one knew what to do at this point

It didn’t click with you until one day during Hero Lessons

He was sparring with Kirishima and all of a sudden he fainted

Everyone was surprised to say the most

You rushed with Kirishima to Recover Girls office

You both almost busted the door off it’s hinges

She wacked you both on the head but quickly tended to Bakugo, surprising you both as she checked on him

“Oh....I wouldn’t have expected this from Bakugo.” You and Kirishima had confused looks on your faces. “Well he passed out from exhaustion, which I usually see with that foolish Midoriya boy. This one usually keeps up with himself, something must’ve happened.” She cut herself off as she saw the look on your face that said it all. She beckons Kirishima to follow her out, as he still wasn’t getting what was happening.

You finally got a good look at him, and saw just how exhausted he looked. The bags under his eyes, his bruised body, and how pained he looked in his sleep. You hugged the non-bruised part of his arm, and finally let the tears you held let go. “I’m sorry Katsuki...I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Before you realized he woke up, he placed his free hand on your head, rubbing small and soothing circles on your head. “S’okay, let’s make this work.” You knew you didn’t have to say anything else as you both stayed like that until Recovery Girl came in to kick you both out.

After you start dating again:

Comes to your dorm everyday to get you up knowing you’d oversleep if he didn’t (also wants to see your sleeping face...not in a weird way)

Cooks you breakfast in bed on off days,

You guys cook something together when you have a movie night

Instead of yelling most times, he just makes sure he understands your side of everything before jumping to conclusions

Makes sure he isn’t too rough with you verbally (lol not sure physically)

Brings you to his parents house during some free time since you get along with his mom and dad well

Won’t admit it but adores the fact that his parents love you

Whispers ‘I love you’ when he’s made sure your ‘sleeping’ (you’re not, you just wanna hear him say it all shy like)

You guys go on training dates, where you both train together, then have a picnic where you just trained

Him being more open with PDA, like holding your hand, or laying his head on your shoulder, etc. just small stuff

He loves playing with your hair and twisting it around his fingers while cuddling or studying

You both cheer on your favorite hero during a fight on TV, or you pick a random channel on TV and you just listen to him rant how stupid something is while you lean onto his shoulder at 2am (somehow got him to stay up this late)

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“No...no...you can’t, you can’t be serious”

He sounded so broken. His fists clutched so hard you thought his bones would pop out

Anger was evident in his face, and he honestly scared you with the face he was making

“Y/N....are you joking?” You frown and step back a little, did he really think everything you said was a joke? “No Bakugo, I just think this isnt gonna work out in the end.” You heard him click his tongue, then just look at you in shock, then anger. He looked down, his bangs covering his expression. “So you’re just gonna end it like that? No working anything out, just break up? It was one fucking mistake Y/N.”

“Yeah one big mistake, you don’t suck faces with some other person on accident, Bakugo.” The venom in your voice slicing through the tension filled air. “Can you just fucking forgive me? I won’t do it again.”

“You said that last time, Katsuki, then you go and clown off again-“

Before you could get anything else out Bakugo already had his quirk going in one hand, and the other holding your shoulder down. You both looked surprised, even as he backed away. “No..nononono fuck Y/N baby I’m sorry-” you smacked the hand that reached out for you. You started packing everything, Bakugo’s eyes widened as he just stood in shock. Before he knew it you were leaving already.

“N...NO NO Y/N PLEASE, I’M SORRY-“ he grabbed you by the arm that reached for the door knob. You quickly shrugged him out of his grasp, and opened the door. “Goodbye Bakugo, I hope well for the next person with you.” And you slammed it in his face. He stood there, it’s like the emotions he felt before were completely wiped when you slammed the door on him. It was 8:03pm, he should start getting ready for bed anyway.

For a few weeks he was unresponsive, and only talked when he needed to

His movements were sluggish and he’d often stare at nothing

Bakugo didn’t even glare, or really do anything when Midoriya tried talking him

Or shittyhair, dunce face, raccoon eyes, or soy sauce face

They were all the same, and just molded into one voice every time someone tried talking to him

After a while he got over it, but he still regrets what he did

You helped him through so much yet he went off and did stupid shit

Even after highschool, he’d still keep up on you frequently through social media

Basically stalking you on there, guessing he never truly got over it once he felt tears subconsciously stream down his face as he saw you with someone else, happier.

He felt like he didn’t do anything wrong, and he was confused at the throb in his heart every time you looked away from him or ignored him.

So he did ask you, and all you did was look at him like he just hit you.

Why did you look so hurt?

Todoroki shrugged it off, thinking you’d come back like you did after every fight you guys had

But you didn’t, and that’s what took an actual toll on him

More emotional

A permanent frown on his pretty features most of the time

All he mostly eats is soba

He didn’t know how to handle this in all honesty

Sometimes he’d just stare at you, and even when you looked back he’d just stare...

Sometimes he’s so out of it he doesn’t realize he’s either froze the entire classroom or was a living breathing radiator, or both (rip Momo, Satou, and Tokoyami)

He’d ask Midoryia for help but it came out as a fumbled mess most of the time:

“Midoryia...how do you hurt....them, a lot...without...? Can you help?

Midoryia is just like:

(Sorry I had to add that in I was cackling sm from it)

“I think you should just talk to them Todoroki.”

That was harder to do then he expected, you mangaged to avoid him pretty well,

One day he was just fed up and as soon as the bell rang he took your hand and left the class

He takes you to an empty classroom, his left side nearly giving you frostbite

You were about to yell at him before you saw his broken expression

“What...what did I do for it to be like this?” You we’re now quiet as you saw the confused and hurt expression on his face. Him barely being able to control either of his quirks, he was shaking, yet still held a confused expression. It just clicked with you, Todoroki wasn’t used to the sudden emotions or feelings, and when one of the people he’d usually go to to talk about it wasn’t there, he started to crumble.

You hugged him tightly , not caring if his quirks messed up your uniform. “I’m sorry Y/N....I’m sorry I’m not enough, but-“ You cover his mouth as tears fell from your eyes and onto the ground or his uniform. “I- I-I’m so sorry Todo...it’s just you never gave me affection and I was being so selfish and petty about it, I just- I didn’t realize that you went through your own experience for it to turn out like this. It’s not your fault, and I love you the way you are Shoto.” Todoroki didn’t even notice the tears come down his face as you kissed him over and over again. A small ‘I’m sorry’ from you every time. His quirks calmed down and now you were holding each other in a random classroom. You’re heart nearly stopped as you looked up at him and saw a small, teary eyed smile.

After you start Dating again:

Todoroki was much more observant

He’d stay up late readings articles saying “How to understand emotions” or “Is there other good food then Cold Soba” wait-

Regularly gets you gifts, even though most of the time you make him return the stuff since he’s been getting so much with his dads card

Endeavor ended up yelling at you both in a 7/11 while you were stuffing your faces with a soba flavored chips

You both figured out a way to get Todoroki to express himself without words

He’d slightly activate his left side if he wanted any sort of attention, and his right side was if he was feeling stressed or upset

He subconsciously goes to your dorm now to check up on you to make sure you’ve had a glass of water, dinner or anything really (He just wanted a reason to go to your dorm)

You played with his hair once, and he’s never going back

When cuddling he’d lay his head in the crook of your neck, hoping to feel you playing with his hair

You push him to start taking therapy sessions to understand what emotions he’s feeling and how to express them

Takes you in your free time to an empty field just to hear you talk, and learn more about you

And he’d always wake up early and made sure to get a few snacks for you before you woke up and brought them to your dorm room (Last time he tried to cook he almost burned the kitchen down)

Overall Todoroki just loves giving you small head pats now, you don’t know where it came from but you didn’t complain

Poor bby stuttered so hard the first time he said ‘I love you’ you giggled

Ended up making him feel embarrassed and like he did something wrong, but you quickly kissed him/praised him

He can’t stop saying it now, one time you picked up his pencil, before you could hand it to him just a sudden “I love you Y/N” the entire class looked at you both in shock

“STOP SUCKING FACES OVER THERE!”

“SHUT UP BAKUGO”

“HAAAH?”

Todoroki is the happiest he’s been.

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“Over? What do you mean we’re over?”

You felt so horrible by the the pure confusion on his face

But the rude things he said to you, over powering your want to get back with him

Lately Todoroki has been more protective, and rude. Insulting everything you do, belittling you slightly. It just added up and you were tired of it

Todoroki tilted his head to the side, deep in thought.

“Y/N your being on the dumber side again, are you hanging out with them too much?” You were taken aback by how nonchalantly he insulted you and your friends. “Excuse me? Todoroki did I hear you right?” You stepped foward leaning your head toward him. “Of course you can, or did Bakugo’s yelling make you not hear so well?” The fact he said it with no emotion, or nothing to it was making you clench your fist. “The hell has gotten into you Todoroki?” You shove his shoulder a bit. He frowned at you heavily making you flinch. “Well if you didn’t go and ignore me most of this week maybe I wouldn’t be like this. I usually hold my tongue but you’ve been rude this entire week.”

You stood there speechless. “Well Ex-fucking-cuse me Shoto. Maybe if you didn’t insult me all the damn time I wouldn’t ignore you, or wait for an decent apology.”

You drag out the last words as you glared at him, Todoroki giving one back. “I’m only telling the truth so you don’t look dumb. I’m helping you out Y/N, I thought you’d understand.” You scoff in utter shock, you couldn’t help the sudden urge to slap some sense into him. Now he stood speechless, the force in that slap causing his hair to look messy, and a red mark on his cheek. Tears were in your eyes as you clenched your fist, biting your lip from cussing him out on the spot. “Your lucky I don’t beat your sorry ass, just...just the the fuck out Todoroki!” You pushed him toward the door. He looked at you with no emotion in his face as he saw you start to bawl your eyes out. “Just...just get the hell out Todoroki, it’s over, we’re over.” He felt a pang in his heart, but choose to ignore it and just left.

It only actually came to him during the night as he was about to walk to your dorm after a nightmare, when he realized the entire conversation

He tried knocking on your door but you didn’t answer, even though he could hear your music

He went back to his dorm, sat on his bed and just had a full mental breakdown

Realizing his main emotional support that helped him through mostly everything was gone

He felt he said stuff his father said to you already which made it even worse

He tried texting and calling you but you had him blocked on everything

He repeated the entire conversation in his head, just now coming to how disgusting he really did sound

Todoroki for that whole week was an emotional wreck

During hero training if he was thinking about you or what he did he doesn’t notice poor Satou trying to get out of his wall of Ice.

Is always with Midoryia at some given time,

He kind of clinged onto people in his circle that gave him attention of some sort

When he some time passed he eventually got over it

After Highschool you both kept in touch, but it pained him when he saw you engaged and happy with another person

But he was happy if you were happy.

Heyyy so this is probably the longest thing I’ve written since like my last Wattpad fanfics I used to do(yikes). But hope you enjoy, and don’t be afraid to request! I’m taking them now so go wild.

Sorry that they were all confusing it’s my first hcs+scenario thingy, but I have a few other things in the works so... 💃🕺

[shemarmooresfedora]

Sugary Sweet Apologies

Summary: You and Reid never really got along but when he saves your life, you decide to be the bigger person and thank him and hopefully start over. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: light to mild angst with fluffy ending, swearing, spencer reid being an annoying bitch, brief mentions of case stuff (if you watch cm, you should be fine)

A/N: this is for @willowrose99 ‘s 1 year anniversary on tumblr writing challenge!! congrats! i literally wrote and edited this whole thing in less than one day because i got so excited, anyways i hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.8k

“Reid and Y/L/N, go to David Whitney’s house. He was the therapist of two of the three victims. He could have some insight into the victimology and know of any overlap between them. He has no criminal record of past aggressive behavior but we can’t rule him out as a suspect entirely,” Hotch stated.

“Hotch, you stuck me with her yesterday for the geographical profiling. Send Prentiss with her instead,” Spencer whined.

“I don’t mind going with Y/L/N. She is a great partner in the field,” Emily glared at Spencer.

“No. Reid, go with Y/L/N or be taken off this case. I’m a unit chief, not an elementary school teacher. I don’t have time for temper tantrums,” Hotch chided.

“Fine,” Spencer grumbled as you grabbed the keys to an SUV.

You don’t know what it was but ever since you started at the BAU four months ago, Spencer had never liked you which resulted in you disliking him as well. Everyone else on the team was super friendly and welcoming but Reid always was jabbing snarky remarks your way like “I don’t have time to explain it to you” or “This was in the FBI handbook. God, you need more training.”

Luckily, the others were quick to defend you. Once Garcia even heard him snip at you over the phone and as soon as you all got off the elevator after the case, Reid was being dragged by his ear into Garcia’s lair with him going “ow ow ow” behind her. So, you didn’t really pay much mind to him because you could deal with one annoying know-it-all to have such an amazing job with great coworkers minus the one.

“Look, I’m not happy about this either,” you said as you climbed into the driver’s side of the SUV, “But at least I’m not being a whiny bitch about it and being rude to the other person’s face.”

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry that I hurt your feelings,” Spencer mocked.

“Fuck you, Reid,” you shook your head.

-

David Whitney was on edge the second you arrived and showed him your badges. He was bouncing his leg up and down, he couldn’t sit still, and he kept avoiding eye contact.

He knew way too much about the other victim that wasn’t even one of his clients but you didn’t have anything solid on him. His house seemed very neat so you doubted he kept anything incriminating here. Organized offenders usually have a secondary location. So, you decided to push his buttons a little.

“I mean blitz attacks, leaving the bodies on the side of dirt roads,” you combed through the crime scene photos, “This guy was a real coward.”

Spencer picked up on what you were trying to do and his eyes widened, he was subtly shaking his head and mouthing “no”.

“Excuse me?” David asked.

“Well, I’m just saying a real man wouldn’t cower in the bushes and blindside a woman. He must not be very strong,” you stated, “He probably can’t even get it up.”

Before you even had time to react, David pulled out a switchblade knife from inside the couch cushions and put you in a chokehold, pressing the cool metal up to your throat. You closed your eyes tightly.

“David, you don’t have to do this,” Spencer stood with his gun pointed at you both.

“This bitch insulted me,” he snarled.

“She insults me too. That doesn’t make you any less of a man,” Spencer spoke carefully, “Just put the knife down and I’ll escort you out.”

David sighed, dropping the knife to the floor and releasing you.

Spencer put David in handcuffs and walked him outside as reinforcements came running in.

“Are you okay, Y/L/N?” Hotch asked.

“Yep, a little shaken up but fine. Thank you,” you stood.

“Let’s get you to the medics,” Morgan grabbed your arm to support you as you walked over to the ambulance.

Spencer never checked on you.

-

You knew your decision in the field was a little rash and you wanted to thank Spencer for essentially saving your life.

However, there was no way in hell you could verbally get out an apology while staring at his smug face, but you could bake. You settled on a note tucked inside a tupperware container of your Grandma’s special recipe of chocolate chip cookies. It was a good peace offering, maybe even a chance to start fresh.

During your lunch break, you took the tupperware from your desk drawer and approached the break room where Reid had entered about 5 minutes ago.

“I’m just saying I could not have been more clear in my message to her that it was too dangerous but of course, Y/L/N didn’t listen cause Y/L/N is going to do whatever she feels like,” Spencer stirred his coffee.

No one had noticed you standing in the doorway yet.

“Reid, you’ve got to be nicer to her. She earned her spot here just like the rest of us,” Emily defended you.

“Did she though? How much do we really know about her? She couldn’t even tell me how many pages the FBI protocol manual was,” Spencer said.

“That’s not a normal thing people know,” Morgan retorted.

“Well, I’m just saying the team was perfectly fine before her and it would probably be better off if she left,” Reid finished.

Garcia looked up from her yogurt to see you standing there, “Oh, Y/N”.

Spencer turned around in his chair as you angrily stormed up to him.

“Here’s your cookies, asshole,” you seethed, grabbing the note from inside and crumpling it up into a little ball and tossing it into the trash.

“Y/N!” Emily called after you but you were already gone.

The whole team glared at Spencer and picked up their lunches, leaving him alone at the table.

Spencer retrieved the balled up paper from the trash, having to fish through Rossi’s week old pasta and Anderson’s half eaten tuna fish sandwich.

Dear Reid,

Thank you for saving my life, I guess. These are my Grandma’s secret recipe for chocolate chip cookies so I hope you enjoy. I think we got off on the wrong foot and I would like to start over. I think cases would be a lot less miserable for everyone if we got along.

Thanks again,

Y/L/N

Spencer, you’re such an idiot, he thought to himself.

You never came back after your lunch break ended and Derek made Spencer go tell Hotch why it’s his fault you were missing the rest of the day.

He tried to call you multiple times but they always rang out before going to voicemail.

Spencer hesitantly knocked on Penelope’s door at the end of the day.

“Is she okay?” he asked softly.

“You don’t get to ask that as the person who hurt her in the first place. Also, she told me to tell you that don’t you dare go to her apartment to ‘check on her’. I’m headed over there myself actually,” Penelope collected her things and shut off her monitors.

“Will you at least tell her I’m really sorry?” Spencer followed her to the elevator.

“Absolutely not. I’m not doing any apologizing on your behalf,” Penelope huffed as the elevators shut.

-

You came in the next morning, keeping your head down. You grabbed a pen from your cup holder and the first folder on your stack before getting to work.

You were on the second page of the file when your clean, empty tupperware was placed in front of you plus another baking dish with aluminum foil over the top.

You glanced up to see Spencer guiltily looking down at you and you returned your eyes back to the file.

“I-I made you cinnamon rolls,” Spencer broke the silence.

“Are they poisoned?” you asked, not sparing him another glance.

“No, they’re not poisoned,” he assured you.

“I’m just saying how can I trust you as you have made it very apparent you would like me off this team.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Spencer was quick to reply.

“Then why the hell did you say it, Reid?” you slammed your pen down.

You grabbed your empty coffee mug and briskly walked to the break room but unfortunately, Spencer was right behind you.

“I didn’t eat any of your cookies by the way. Not that I didn’t want to but I felt like I didn’t deserve them so I handed them out to everyone else.”

“Oh how kind, taking credit for my work,” you tried to close the door in his face.

“I told them that they were from you,” Spencer insisted.

You rolled your eyes as Spencer grabbed the coffee pot before you could get to it, pouring your mug of coffee for you.

“What do you want from me, Reid?” you asked defeatedly.

“I want you to try a cinnamon roll and let me explain.”

“Fine but only because I didn’t have breakfast yet and I want to critique your baking skills,” you huffed, walking back to your desk.

Spencer gingerly placed one of the sticky frosting-coated rolls on a napkin and pushed it towards you. You tentatively bit into it. Damn it, it was actually delicious.

“It’s okay,” you understated.

You knew Spencer hardly ever used his kitchen let alone be up baking all night. He even chose a recipe that required more time and effort because the yeast dough would have to rise for a few hours.

“That’s good. The first batch didn’t come out as great...or the second,” he smiled softly.

“Well, the floor is all yours, Reid. Please explain to me why you talk shit about me to my co-workers when I’m in the other room,” you leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms.

Spencer muttered something incoherent.

“I have to hear the apology, you know,” you said, enjoying watching him uncomfortable.

“You’re intimidating to me because you’re intelligent, beautiful, and courageous. I think I was a little jealous that my spotlight as the ‘kid’ of the BAU was coming to an end so I said some harsh, completely untrue things and I’m sincerely sorry.”

“Oh my god,” you smirked, “Hotch was right, you are an elementary school kid.”

“In what way?” he curiously asked.

“You like me like like like me. You don’t know how to talk to the girl so you pull her pigtails on the playground,” you giggled.

“I take it back. You’re a horrible profiler,” Spencer was getting up from his seat, completely flustered.

“Awww,” you were laughing at Spencer’s bright red face as he went to go to the break room to fill his coffee mug.

When he got back to his desk, a sticky note was placed front and center.

In typical elementary school fashion…

Will you go get coffee with me?

Check:

Yes

or

No

Spencer smiled before picking up his pen and checking one of the boxes, crumpling the sticky note up into a ball and throwing it over to your desk.

“Good choice. See you Saturday at 9 at the cafe down the street,” you grinned.

“It’s a date,” he smiled.

[spencersmagic]

a knife twists at the thought - SR

Prompt: a knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark - Arctic Monkeys

Summary: Spencer is new to this, and the poor boy is terrified

Couple: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid (i picture season 2/3 Spencer but y’all do you)

Category: angst

Word count: 3086 words

Warnings: general criminal minds stuff, mentions and descriptions of torture, descriptions of loss, HAPPY ENDING!!, my 3am writing, tooth rotting love, uhmm spoilers for Orwell’s 1984 (if anybody hasn’t read it), humiliation, Spencer crying and breaking my heart (lmk if you need anything warned or trigger tagged).

A/N This is very loosely based on 2x15 (VERY LOOSELY). I’m quite proud of this one :)

masterlist // 505 series taglist

*****

They say you never see it coming.

When a tragedy occurs, and someone’s life is turned upside down forever, they never see it coming. It just... hits them. Like an oncoming car ramming into a bystander who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

No one has time to prepare. In our time-starved lives, there is no place for such a warning.

One day, you just wake up. And they’re not next to you. They’ve disappeared, leaving the stickiest, most unforgettable parts of themselves behind for others to grieve to: the smell of their shampoo in the pillows they used to share, the seconds just as you wake when you still feel like you have them - only to gain full consciousness and realise they left you behind - even the fucking jars, which never seem to be open because he’s just not there to do it.

And you feel your heart breaking all over again as your soul sticks to the parts that couldn’t be erased with the rest of him as he left. Because you needed him, you had him, and now he’s gone. No warning, no letter, no signs which could’ve helped you foresee such a tragedy, because how could he? He didn’t disappear on purpose.

She doesn’t understand why he's so absent. So unequivocally missing. And the person she would turn to to ask these riddled questions isn’t there to answer. Because he’s gone.

But they’re not there yet.

And she feels so close to that feeling - the helplessness, the pain, the empty cups next to her bed because he always carried them to the sink when she was finished with her tea the mornings of those rare days they got to sleep in. Those days when they had time. She can practically touch, with the tip of her fingertips, the waves of pain that would surge over her if he was gone for one more fucking minute.

She has to remind herself, over and over again, like a mantra. He’s not gone yet.

The “yet” at the end of her mantra just breaks her all over again.

She was always the one to tell Spencer “if you worry before something happens, in case it goes wrong, and then it does, you’ve managed to suffer twice through something painful for absolutely no reason”. It usually worked. Needless to say, she felt like a hypocrite right about now.

Because Spencer is gone. And she doesn’t know how to bring him back.

She knows only to watch the monitor, never once blinking, taking in everything that happened in that damned livestream - every word, every sound, every reference. She can only try to hear anything over the whimpers and sobs her love was letting out as he’s tortured by that man. She can only hear the cracks of his knuckles against Spencers soft skin, the same soft skin she had kissed mere hours ago before telling him to “be careful”. Her own way of saying the three little words the couple was too young to hear. She can only see his lips parting, sobs rumbling out of his body as the unsub abuses his frame over and over again - same lips which had kissed her forehead before telling her “i always am”.

Then again, she isn’t sure if its his voice which is filling her head with painful sounds or if her mind is playing tricks on her, memorising the horrifying vibrations coming from his chest for her to ever consider anything else. She hasn’t stopped hearing him since she turned on that damned computer.

She isn’t sure she’ll ever stop hearing it.

**

As a man of great intellect, Spencer always recurred to knowledge to understand difficult occurrences in his life. Burying himself in textbooks, novels, poems, and even music to understand pain, and himself having a life filled with it, he was an incredibly knowledgeable man.

He knew much. But right now, he only knew one thing.

In Orwells’ 1984, as Winston was being tortured (much like Spencer is right now), Orwell described the following:

“Never, for any reason on earth, could you wish for an increase of pain. Of pain you could only wish one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes, no heroes”.

And, as a man who had acquired most of his intellect by immersing himself in trivial content in the face of pain, he found himself doing the same thing as the unsub hurt him over and over again, each blow seemingly more painful than the last. As his skin bruised, a causality of his abusers torment, he analysed the seemingly logical quote.

It must depend on the person, he was sure. In fact, a number of factors must be taken into consideration at this statement. For starters, Winston lives in a society incapable of any human feelings. There is only dominance, and those who attempt, in vain, to challenge it. Surely, if he had felt happiness, like the one you feel when the first day of spring rolls around, or like the one that creeps up on you as you look into the eyes of your loved one, surely, he would understand that some things can outweigh pain.

Love.

If Spencer’s mind could make sense of what he was feeling right now, he would understand, something he would figure of were he to leave this damned place, that he was thankful to the Gods, were there any, for having the unsub kidnap him and not Y/N.

Winston hadn’t understood emotional pain because emotions weren’t dealt with regularly. They were discouraged. That’s why he believed that there are no heroes in the face of pain. Because he doesn’t understand emotional pain.

He knew he was suffering. He also knew that Y/N was at the other side of the blinking camera suffering more than he could ever imagine.

**

They say emotional pain lasts 12 minutes. Anything one feels after this would be the aftermath of the cause of the pain in question. Pure emotional pain, the one you practically feel in your chest, the one that says “i can’t think, feel or be. not until this feeling dissipates”.

She had learned this from Spencer.

And she wished it were true. As she watched that damned monitor, she wished that all the venom the unsub was spewing at Spencer, all the verbal abuse, was long forgotten. She wished he could only feel the physical pain. Because the mind is incredibly stronger than the body - it could keep him awake, alive, for just enough time for the team to rescue him.

The entire team had huddled around the monitor around her. She was painfully aware that other people were seeing this. Which meant it wasn’t her imagination. It wasn’t another one of those damned dreams she would have when she slept a little too far away from Spencer’s touch.

They had only been together for two months, but his touch was all that could get her to fall asleep.

She jolted as the unsub landed another slap on Spencer’s cheek, swiftly grabbing his hair for him to look into the camera. He had a cut above his right cheek, just where she would kiss him in the mornings, and bruises all over his neck, jaw and left eye.

“Say hi to your team!” he mocked Spencer, chuckling darkly as he moved his almost lifeless body around for the team to watch in horror. Spencer let out a heartbreaking sob, feeling so vulnerable.

“Why don’t we make this interesting?” he jumped, as if he had gotten an idea. The unsub reached behind himself to grab a pistol, clicking off the magazine safety to put one bullet in one of the eight slots, leaving the other seven free. He pointed it at Spencer’s temple.

Her entire body shook the thought of seeing Spencer’s lifeless body, held up only by the ropes and that sick man’s grip around his curls. The same curls she grabbed as she kissed his face when she wanted his attention.

“I’m going to ask you some questions...” he said, voice dripping with sickening sweetness as he turned the roulette, “and if i don’t like your answer i’ll pull the trigger! Let God decide what I do with you. Sounds good?”. He wanted to humiliate Spencer.

However, Spencer made the mistake of not answering him. He was quickly reminded as the barrel of the gun pointed right between his eyes, pulling the trigger, a loud bang! sound expanding through the barn.

“I asked you a question!” he suddenly yelled into Spencer’s face.

“Y-yes, Sir” he whimpered, shaking at the ease at which the man pulled the trigger.

“Good, you’re learning”.

**

She experienced it by bits. Hotch’s hoarse voice. “Talk to me Garcia”. “We’ve got coordinates”. Everybody rushing to the SUVs. Tripping over her own feet on the way to the car. Morgan’s voice. The iPad, which still carried Spencer’s whimpers and the man mocking tone.

“I’ve got your diary, Spence” his sing-song voice didn’t match the disgusting man she was looking at. Nothing made sense.

“And I wanna know why...” he drew out the ‘y’ as he looked for something between the worn pages between his hands.

Of course she knew Spencer owned a diary. But she was mature enough to keep her hands to herself and her eyes on her own pages as he wrote on his, eyebrows creasing as he recalled all which he had experienced during the day. His face would twitch slightly at the memories, both good and bad, as he basically described his day word by word.

“...why did you wait until you were 24 to lose your virginity?” he asked in a clear attempt to humiliate and ridicule Spencer in front of his team.

“I-I didn't-” he could barely finish a word before a sob wrecking through his body at the humiliation, chest rumbling and voice wavering. “I didn’t want to lose it before, i w-wasn’t in a hurry” he rushed out. The man brought the pistol to his own chin, tapping it as he thought. “Hmm... I’m satisfied with your answer. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?” he asked as he went back into the pages.

“ooh! This one is new” that sick bastard was having fun with this, completely unaware that the team was less than 5 minutes away from their location.

“Care to read what you wrote three days ago? Right here” he turned the pages so Spencer could read them, though he was painfully aware of that entry he was talking about. His body shook violently. “P-please. D-don’t ma-make me do t-this” he whimpered, body feeling defeated.

“Wrong answer” the unsub said before pointing a gun at him and pulling the trigger.

A shriek was heard from the iPad. The SUV went silent.

“He’s alive” she whispered, unable to speak up. “He-” she swallowed. “He’s alive. We’re not there, yet” her mantra became a reminder that she hadn’t been quick enough to help him. She had the tools to save him. Every second she had the knowledge to save him and didn’t was another second she remained impotent at the risk of losing the love of her life.

Spencer’s voice spoke from the iPad.

“C-can you at-at leas-st turn off t-the ca-amera?” he said between sobs.

And it hit her.

What hurt him the most wasn’t the memories he had to relieve, but the fact that the rest of the team would have to hear his most intimate thoughts. His deepest secrets.

He could bare the pain. The humiliation? That broke him.

“Aww” the unsub chuckled mockingly, “are you embarrassed?” he said, slouching down to look into his eyes. “Well too fucking bad!” he screamed into his face, spitting with every word he spewed at him. Spencer’s sobs got louder.

“O-okay okay!” Spencer caved, accepting the journal that got shoved into his face.

“Read, pretty boy” the unsub sang. That son of a bitch was having fun.

“We’re two minutes away, Y/N” Hotch said. Maybe it was he sobs, which were barely audible to herself, having accepted them as second nature after all the heartbreak she was experiencing, but Hotch needed her to be okay.

His own heart thumped into his chest, feeling as helpless as he’d ever felt. Seeing a member of his team - someone he was supposed to take care of, someone he was supposed to keep safe - was sobbing as he was physically and emotionally tortured. But he was painfully aware of the feelings Y/N was experiencing. The sheer fear that was running down her veins at the idea of them running out of time.

After a few sobs, Spencer started reading, interrupting himself occasionally with his whimpers:

“It’s been three months. Today, three months, seven hours and forty-six minutes ago, she did what I didn’t have the courage to do. She asked me out. “I’ve been wanting to ask you pretty much since the day i met you” she had said. Those words keep ringing in my head like a beautifully written symphony, intrinsically designed to make me face my deepest fears. Opening my scars one by one, dissecting them and reaching the simple conclusion that i was a coward.

She didn’t say it, but what she meant was “i’ve been waiting for you to do it, but you never did, so i had to”. We wasted time - a time so precious and sacred - because i was a coward.

I’ve never felt like this before. I never understood a love so deep as to move something so stubborn as the human spirit. I’ve read textbook after textbook, and novel after novel, and still I’ve never learned more than with her. But I was a coward. And i wasted her time. I fear that I still am.

A knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark. It’s impossible for me to ever be enough for her”.

Her heart broke at this confession. Even worse at the thought that he wouldn’t’ve told her, instead inhaling fear and exhaling rejection at every breath he took next to her.

“We’re here” she heard Hotch, looking at her. She grabbed a bottle of water and dropped the iPad, not hearing the teams objections at the lack of vest and preparation and ran into the barn.

She isn’t sure if she’ll ever stop hearing his whimpers. As she runs closer, she hears them louder and louder, decorated with sobs and cries, and small, meaningless replies to his abusers’ mocking words.

She kicked the door down, the loud bang booming across the room, only helping in raising Spencer’s sobs as he feared the sound had been the result of a certain trigger being pulled. As she looks at him, she realises just how much pain he’s been put through.

She remembers Orwells words, much like how Spencer had remembered them mere hours ago. And disagrees, wishing over and over, praying to the Gods that she would be the victim of such atrocious abuse. She wished she could take his pain. Morgan joined her at her side mere seconds later, yelling. “FBI! Put the gun down!”.

Spencer used the last bit of energy to lunge forward, hitting the unsubs stomach with his head, successfully getting him on the floor for Morgan to apprehend. Y/N rushed to Spencer’s side, untying him, as his now nonexistent sobs grew louder and louder, not only at the prospect of getting out of that horrible place alive, but also at the knowledge that Y/N had heard what he had so dreadfully recited.

Spencer collapsed into her arms, crying into her in the same way she was crying into him, and she wondered just how to take away all his pain. So they cried into each other, desperately grasping each others hair, skin, clothes, anything that would make them feel like they wouldn’t have to spend another damned second without the company of each other.

Spencer was the first to break the silence.

“I need-” he stopped, coughing. She reached for the bottle of water she had brought with her because she knew he would need it. She always knew what he needed.

He chugged it desperately, stray drops falling down his chin at his eagerness. He took a deep breath trying to steady his lungs.

“I need to get out of here” he choked out.

She grabbed him under the shoulders, careful not to hurt him - not being successful, realising that there wasn’t much of him the man hadn’t hurt. Y/N pulled him out, sitting down on the grass with him. Their legs intertwined, pulling each other impossibly closer. They kissed, over and over again. Not as an act of any sexual relevance, but as a reminder that they had each other in any way, shape or form. That they weren’t out of time.

The team was certain they would stay there, never letting each other go for another minute.

After what felt like seconds in their time-starved little world, she broke the silence, which had only been filled with their own cries and occasional sobs.

“Spence” she grabbed his chin to look into his eyes. They were dull, red and hooded. He was exhausted. “Mhmm?” he let out, looking into hers. She was his solace.

“How could you ever think you were anything but completely and unequivocally enough?” she whispered the words he dreaded.

But as Spencer looked into her eyes he knew, better than he had ever known anything, that he was enough. And she was enough. He realised that which she had known for the past three months (possibly longer). They fit like two marvellous puzzle pieces.

Her hands grabbed his cheeks slowly, as to not hurt or startle him, pulling his forehead into hers. “Baby, I can’t imagine anybody else waking up to me every morning. You’re so much more than enough”, she planted a small kiss on his forehead before resuming her position. “I’ll remind you every day of the rest of my life if that’s what it takes for you to believe it”.

And with their eyes closed, foreheads and noses pressed together and legs tangled between each other, pulling each other close, closer - around grass and voices and his abuser pressed into the hood of a police car, they only felt each other. With their shaky breaths, even shakier voices, fearing any words that would leave them in case they triggered a cascade of tears down their oh so vulnerable cheeks, they were more than enough.

***

I hope y’all liked it!! Feel free to let me know by liking, reblogging, or sending me a message :) 

super cool kid taglist: @lady-anon-x​ @spencerreid-mgg​​ @eoupe​ @inlovewithbabygirl​ @galaxydefenderjulia​ @username2002​

[sugamamacustard]

Let Me Help You (Part. 2)

Pairing:  Alpha! Toru Oikawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Issei Matsukawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Takahiro Hanamaki x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, Hurt/comfort.

Request: Oh boy, here we go!

Anon: hi!! can we get more of the omega depression drabbles/one shots? i would really like to see mattsun’s version and other characters you can think of!! the more angsty the better ;)p.s. luv your writing <3 also stay healthy, safe, and drink water !!

Anon:  Can you make part 2 of let me help you please. if not it’s fine with Mattsun and Makki

Anon: Could you do part 2 for the let me help you with makki and mattsun please if not that’s fine this is also my first time requesting something so i’m kinda nervous💕 

(Don’t be nervous at all, you did amazing!)

Anon:  Mamas, can I order a continuation of let me help you?? Please?? I need some fluff after that hurt 💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺

(Mamas anon! :DDD)

Anon: omg i love the omega depression!! please continue with the rest of the third years or a pt 2 with oikawa’s !! i love your writing!!

@bohica160​: Could we possibly get a part 2 with Oikawa please?  👉 👈  🥺

And I think that was all? You guys just really wanted this, and who am I to deny you? 

Summary: Because of unseen circumstances, you drop, and you drop hard. How does your alpha help you/redeem himself? 

Author’s Note:  I kinda wanna post some self-indulgent OC stuff on here, but idk. It’s kinda crack-y and stupid. Also, we love to see a healthy relationship. Like Hanamaki’s and Matsukawa’s are so soft. Also, also, please note Hanamaki’s is heavily based off of my own experience with depression and the events after with my best friend, whom I will love and cherish forever. 

Requests: Open!

Part 1:  Here!

➵ You drop was actually out of anyone’s control.

➵ Omega drops rely heavily on hormone balances, much like depression, and it seemed like this month just wasn’t your month. 

➵It was hard to exactly pin point when it got bad, or when you started experiencing symptoms, as they were slow and not necessarily noticeable.

➵A missed lunch here, a small scent shift there. 

➵Small things that neither you nor Takahiro would notice. 

➵It was much like a rollercoaster, inching higher and higher until the drop would come. 

➵ Honestly, both of you thought you were fine, and since you were around both of your mutual friends (The Seijoh Team)  enough no one could really point it out. 

➵ It truly was a bad situation all around.

➵ You only really began noticing after a few days of ignoring lunch in a row. 

➵ It hit you when you were sitting in the library, stomach clutching with hunger as you scanned through a textbook. 

➵ You attempted to get up and go find Takahiro to go get something to eat, but you just...didn’t. 

➵ You couldn’t find the energy to stand, much less walk, and just stayed seated

➵ You just couldn’t move. 

➵Like a million bags of sand were tied to your hips weighing you to the chair. 

➵ You swallowed tightly, rolling your shoulders before stuffing your text book into your bag, trying to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. 

➵Deep breaths. Thats what you needed to focus on right now.

➵ But then you couldn’t. You were hyperventilating, and white-knuckling the edge of the table as your vision turned blurry and watery. 

➵ The cramping from your hunger combined with the sudden rush of emotions made you want to vomit.

➵ Before you could, you slung your backpack over your shoulder, bolting out of the library.

___

Laughter and chuckles were heavy as Takahiro gave a hearty chuckle at something Matsukawa said, shaking his head before taking a swig from his energy drink. His eyes darted to his phone every now and again, just checking to make sure you didn’t need him. 

You would always come first to him. 

When his screen lit up with your beaming face shining up at him, he quickly swiped to accept holding it to his ear, watching while the team laughed at Oikawa, who was shielding himself from Iwaizumi.

“Hiro?” 

“Shooting star?” His brows furrowed as he slowly began cleaning his stuff, straightening himself up so he could leave as soon as possible if you needed him; which, guessing by your home, you did. 

“I-I think something’s wrong.” You paused, making his heart drop. “I don’t know, but I think I need to go to the doctor, but, I know this is a lot so feel free to say no, can you-”

He didn’t let you finish. “Tell me where you are and I’ll come pick you up and drive you. Do you need me to call and book an appointment?” 

A few of his packmates turned with worried eyes, trying to send a non-verbal question. Well, for most of them. Oikawa was trying to whisper-yell his questions, Iwaizumi trying to shut him up. 

“I’m at the front of the school. I’ll just meet you at your car.” 

“I’ll be right there, shooting star. Stay safe, okay? I love you, and I’ll see you soon Omega.” Takahiro waited for your reciprocation and own farewell before hanging up, quickly standing and swinging his leg over the bench and grabbing his bag. 

“Makki-kun, is Y/N-chan okay?!” Oikawa screeched after him, actively crawling onto Iwaizumi, who looked like he was ready to commit first-degree murder. 

Makki threw up a thumbs up behind him, waiting till he was out of the cafeteria before sprinting towards the parking lot. 

He hoped, with every inch of his body, he didn’t lie to his captain. 

___

“Take your pills.” 

“Alpha, they taste horrid-”

“I don’t care, they make you feel better.” 

Takahiro watched you carefully, handing you two of the teal and white pills. The alpha was strict on very few things with you, but your health he did not fuck with. 

The appointment with your doctor went fine, with minimal blood work done, and you were sent off with a prescription for hormone balancing pills. You and Takahiro (Who was absolutely divine during the entire thing) were explained how the pills worked and why you dropped, all of which was simple enough to understand. Since then, Takahiro was insistent on you taking the pills in front of him. 

“Open.” Takahiro demanded, watching as you stuck your tongue out. He moved your head by your chin, checking the very corners of your mouth. “Lift your tongue.” 

You did so, showing nothing. He hummed in approval, letting go of your chin before pausing, pulling you close so you could hear his heartbeat. 

“Thank you for caring, Hiro.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling into your alpha’s neck, taking in his scent. 

“Thank you for telling me about this and letting me help you.”  He responded, pressing a sweet peck to your temple and reminding himself you were still here in his arms. And would be with him for a long, long time. 

➵ Your drop was a mix between miscommunication and little whispers in your ear.

➵ Honestly, there was a reason you were in a pack with minimal other omegas. 

➵ They grew catty and mean and vindictive if there was something they didn’t like.

➵It was one of their many flaws and strengths. 

➵You yourself had caught yourself bad-mouthing another omega to your alpha every now and again. 

➵ Though you hated doing it, at some point it was just second nature.

➵ You and Issei had good communication though, and very rarely did something as silly as jealousy come between you two.  

➵ whenever something was bothering you or your alpha you would talk it out.

➵ You both trusted each other completely. 

➵ If something felt off about another person, you were quick to mention it to the other. 

➵ However, sometimes things got complicated.

➵ Insecurities seeped through your walls that Issei kept strong for you.

➵And sometimes, small little whispers became hurdles and boulders pounding against your defenses and breaking them down. 

➵Leaving you open and stumbling. 

➵ And sometimes, because of this you forgot that you had back-up, an artillery that would fight for you at the drop of a hat. 

➵ And those moments, that ones were you were caught with your tail between your legs and ass in the air waiting to be fucked over, were when you truly crumbled. 

➵And though it broke you down and made you hurt, your artillery had your back.

___

“Issei, I was-”

You bit your tongue as you were roughly shoved to the side by Akina Harakashi, the omega throwing herself at your alpha. His face remained unmoved and his arms by his side. 

She was his science partner for the semester, and though Issei reassured you she was nothing more, you couldn’t help but internally whine at how she acted with him. It was no secret that she liked him, but since you and Issei kept you relationship on the down low, rumors were bound to pop up. 

And though you didn’t let it show, they poked and prodded at you. Make your skin crawl as you ventured deep into your own mindset. Thoughts that would plague your every move and drive your omega into overdrive as they tried fixing whatever you picked on in your own reflection. 

You shivered as she looked up to Matsukawa, who was busy focusing on entering his locker combo. 

“Mattsunnnn~ I’ve missed you!” Her voice was literal nails on a chalkboard to you. 

“I saw you twenty minutes ago.” Matsukawa hissed as his locker popped open. “I haven’t seen you recently though, pretty thing.” 

Your omega purred as Issei grabbed his textbook, closing his locker and pushing past Akina. He smirked down at you, intertwining your pinkies in the most discreet way possible before walking you to class. 

You glossed over his question when he asked you how lunch went. 

___

“Do you think Harakashi and Matsukawa are dating?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me, have you seen how she hangs off of him?”

“I think they’d make such a cute couple!” 

“If Matsukawa doesn’t ask her out soon, he’ll loose her.” 

You kept your head down and scent blocking collar tight as you slowly crept through the hallway, exit in front of you. Honestly, you didn’t have the energy to continue on with the day, so you were leaving it the midst of lunch, where you could loose yourself in the crowd and disappear. 

You wanted nothing more than your alpha, but his last message had your eyes stinging. 

‘Harakashi asked me to meet her at lunch, so I won’t be able to see you. Eat something. At this point, I’ll even take junk food. Just get some food. I’ll see you after school.’

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, but it stung you deeply. This was it. This was the downfall of your and your alpha’s relationship. You were blown off for Akina Harakashi at long last. 

The rational part of you wanted to defend Matsukawa, but every time you tried, the insecurities that had been bubbling within you spit towards the rational part of you and your omega, throwing any redeeming thought into the corner to rot. 

A part of you was angry. Angry with Matsukawa for letting this happen. Angry with yourself for not speaking up. Angry with your fucking stomach which groaned for food of any sort. Livid with Akina for trying to steal Mattsun. 

Angry at the world. 

You couldn’t really remember the last time you ate anything besides...air. The days all blurred together in one miserable run. 

“What did I say?” 

You glanced over at Matsukawa, heart leaping at the jump he gave you appearing out of nowhere, leaning on the wall beside you.  You huffed, turning away from him and leaving him to follow after you. He did so, jogging a bit to catch up. 

“You said I’d see you after school. This is not after school.” You snapped, growling at the alpha. He raised a brow, either in disbelief at your attitude or amusement.

“Omega. I said eat. This doesn’t look like eating.”  His longer legs gave him the chance to cut in front of you, face now set in anger. 

“You also said you had to meet with Harakashi. So scurry along to your new play thing.” You shoved past Matsukawa, trying to ignore the stinging in your eyes. 

“What are you talking about?!” Issei smartened up, grabbing your wrist when you tried leaving him behind yet again, now visibly irritated. Truth be told, he was meeting up with Harakashi to put an end to her insistent clinginess. To put her in her place, beneath you. 

She tried confessing to him before he even looked up, coming into the room with her arms outstretched already, yelling about ‘I knew you felt the same’ or something . He dodged her, sneering down at her and snapping at her to leave him alone or he’d go through the semester alone (Which he already talked to the teacher about, but she didn’t need to know about that). 

Hanamaki had been his eyes when he wasn’t there, reporting back to Matsukawa with updates on you. His latest? You had been missing from lunch for the better part of the week, and last he saw you were ditching the last half of this day. 

Which Matsukawa wasn’t letting happen, because if you went home right now, you wouldn’t come back. And he couldn’t live with himself if he let you drop. 

“I was meeting with Harakashi to tell her to piss off. You’re my omega. Why in the hell would I even want someone like her when I already have you? You are mine, and I fought for you. I don’t need a corner worker.” 

Any fight you had in you disappeared when you saw the small tears glazing your alphas eyes, making your own break free as you ran into his chest. His arms locked around you, holding as if you would slip away if his grip loosened. 

Which you just might’ve. Good thing he wasn’t planning on letting you slip. 

“Wanna go get food?”

“...Yea. Can we get nuggets?”

“Anything for my pretty omega.”

➵ Okay this one is super short, and I’m sorry! I just wanted to get this out for you guys!

➵ And I think you guys wanted a follow up of sorts for Oikawa. 

➵So here it is!

➵ Things didn’t improve over night. 

➵It took awhile, but it was worth it. 

➵ In time you and Oikawa reached a nice equilibrium.

➵ He wore his bond mark loud and proud and you made sure to tell him when you were uncomfortable with his fangirls and how close they were getting.

➵ In turn, you learned to slowly let go of any reservations you had on his loyalty. 

➵He wouldn’t have marked you if he didn’t want to devote his entire being to you. 

➵ This showed up when a girl, who you despised (With no hard feelings, since she hated you just as much) tried confessing to Oikawa. 

➵Toru, baby boy, shut her down the minute she opened her mouth. 

➵ He didn’t even look her way, instead searching for you and quickly brightening up when he saw you.

➵ If he had a tail it would’ve been wagging. 

➵ Things improved and everyone was all the better for it. 

➵ And Toru made sure to, not only apologize to Iwaizumi, but gift him a voucher for a free movie for him and his omega (who was having a hard time as well).

➵Things were looking up and you both were sure to  keep it that way!

___

“Kentaro, please don’t hurt Kindaichi!” Your pleas fell on deaf ears as you tried to stop the alphas from snapping on each other. 

It wasn’t that Kyoutani didn’t like or respect you, because he did-- you were like a second mom, but Kindaichi just got on every single one of his nerves. And then tried dragging you into it! Like, the audacity of this bitch. 

“Kyoutani!” Your alpha’s bark had both the blond and raven pausing, a careful glance making both back down as Oikawa heading towards you guys (Throwing a pile of confession letters into the trash on his way by without even looking; some point they would get the hint if he left the blatantly in the open). 

The blond growled lowly, sending you a quick glance before returning to practice. Oikawa let him, turning his glare to the instigator of the whole thing. The onion-headed pup hid behind your smaller frame, making your laugh. 

It was almost like that moment when dad’s pulled out their ‘behave or else’ voice. And in a way it was. 

“One of these days my pretty dove won’t be there to save you, Kindaichi.” 

“I know.” 

You and Oikawa sent a look to each before you laughed, moving so Oikawa and Kindaichi could have a ‘man to man’ talk. 

The pack was dysfunctional, and you almost let it go. 

You were thankful you didn’t and still had this family to come back home too.  All thanks to your alpha. 

“STOP MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT YOUR OMEGA SHITTY-KAWA.”

“I can’t help it, Iwa- IWA STOP HITTING ME- Y/N HELP-” 

You shook your head laughing, jogging to save said alpha. 

He was childish and arrogant, and sometimes got too far up his own ass, but he was yours. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

[maddiwrites]

Secret Lives

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You and JJ never got along so your friends trap the two of you on a boat in the middle of the marsh to work it out. Only it doesn’t go as planned.

Note: Hi guys! This is my first writing piece. I tried not to do a two parter for my first one but it ended up being so long. Sorry! I would love to hear your feedback so feel free to leave me a message! Part two will be posted soon. Also I have completed a rewrite of the show with a JJ x Routledge sister pairing so keep an eye out for that! Also wanna shout out @skiesofthesketchy​ @malfoyfarms​ @collecting-stories​ because they were some of the first masterlists I read and I loved them and it inspired me to write my own. So thank you!

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Language, angst, very slight mentions of abuse

Part 2

Y/N Y/L/N. That’s you. Or as some like to call you, Hannah Montana. You live the best of both worlds, living it up on Figure Eight and wearing hundred dollar dresses to fancy dinners and parties, sneaking expensive mimosas to brunches with your friends, and getting biweekly mani pedi’s with your sister. Meanwhile, when you’re not rolling around in the luxuries of Kook Life, you’re rolling around in the dirt with your Pogue friends, baking in the sun on a dirty small boat while drinking the cheapest beer one of the boys’ could get their hands on. Most Kooks hated you even when they wanted to be you. And most Pogues didn’t trust you even as they tried getting in your pants.

One of them being JJ Maybank.

Kiara introduced you to her group of friends right after freshman year. The two of you were the black sheep of Kook Academy. Both your families have money, sure. But you weren’t jerks about it. You enjoy a little pampering here and there, but you’re not tone deaf and superficial like the rest of your peers. You were so grateful that your science teacher paired you two together for that year’s science fair. You instantly clicked with the curly brunette and spent most of the class talking about whatever came to mind instead of actually brainstorming project ideas. After working together for months on a science fair project with a shared passion of wanting to help save the environment, Kie finally introduced you to her best friends.

John B and Pope immediately made you feel like one of the group. Sure, they were curious about your life but you never felt like you were being interrogated with questions. They included you on inside jokes and even gave you the nickname ‘Sassy’ after proving to them that you can hold your own in a verbal fight.

Thanks to JJ.

From the start he claimed to never like you. He hated where you were from, who your parents were, and that you never had a job. He hated that you didn’t even have to try to get people to like you. In his eyes, everything was handed to you on silver platter. You had a picture perfect life and all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and show off your pearly white teeth. He couldn’t stand you.

Yet, he was dangerously attracted to you.

He loved the way your hair shined against the setting sun, he loved that you didn’t wear makeup every single day like every other Kook on the island, he loved how your white jean shorts perfectly shaped your curves, and he loved how your temper was as equally as short as his because it made you fighting with him that much hotter.

Last night was no different than every other night with you and your friends. It was quiet, spent around a bonfire in John B’s back yard. You sipped on cheap beer from the can while the smell of JJ’s marijuana smoke wafted through the air. Kie lightly strummed the strings of her ukulele while Pope and JJ bickered about the pros and cons of smoking weed.

This was your family. You had friends on the other side of the island too but you weren’t as close as you were with the Pogues. You would do anything for the people surrounding you. Even JJ. You tried to tell yourself you hated him just as much as he hated you, but you couldn’t help but feel like every other girl on this island, falling for his ocean blue eyes and golden locks. His wit and his charm. His loyalty and protectiveness of his friends. How he looked with his shirt off. How he would wink at you when he caught you staring. You wished you didn’t, but you loved him.

“Hellooo, Y/N?” John B waved his hand in front of your face. You hadn’t even realized you’d been staring.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

John B smirked but didn’t say what he was thinking. He always thought you and JJ were acting dumb when it was clear as day that the two of you were attracted to each other. He always caught you two staring at one another when the other wasn’t looking. You two would always ask about the other person when they weren’t there even if it was just to throw a sharp jab behind their back.

“I asked you what you were up to this weekend.”

“Oh,” You shrugged. “Probably run some errands, babysit my neighbor’s kids...”

Just like Hannah Montana, you also lived a secret life. Your life wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought it was, but you’d never admit to it. Your mother would be crushed, your friends would find you stupid and pathetic, and you would hate yourself even more than you already did.

“Good. Sunday we’re going to check out the surfing competition on Seasill Beach. JJ’s trying to qualify for it next year.”

Your smile immediately dropped. “Sunday. Oh.”

“Already got a spa day planned, Princess?” JJ smirked from across the way.

“I, uh,” You tried your best to fake a grin. “I’m sorry. I can’t go. I already have plans.”

You held you breath as you waited for someone to respond. This was the third time this month you flaked on your friends without a good explanation. You never knew what to tell them, only that you had plans. You were afraid if you said anything else, they’d find out you were lying.

“Again?” Kie stopped playing her ukulele to look at you. “Seriously. Is there some secret boy we should know about or something?”

You scoffed. “No.”

You felt the most guilty lying to Kie. After all she was your best friend. The one you were supposed to be able to share everything with, even the stuff you couldn’t tell your parents.

“Kie’s right. You bailed on us last week last minute too,” Pope said.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your head wasn’t working fast enough to come up with a lie.

“We all knew this day would come.” JJ’s smirk was gone. He flicked the butt of his joint into the fire and claps off the ash from his hands. “Hannah Montana dips her toes into the wild life. She feels free and independent long enough to decide she’d rather go back to her cookie cutter life and live with all the privilege that daddy has to offer.”

The word ‘daddy’ physically made you flinch. Your eyes narrowed in a tight glare as you dug your fingernails into the palm of your hand, hating that this was the way JJ thought of you.

“J...” John B tried to warn him but JJ didn’t listen.

“No, seriously.” JJ stood up. “I bet the reason she’s not telling us what all her ‘plans’ are is because she knows you’ll all be disappointed. Me? Well, I couldn’t care less whether you hung out with us or not. In fact, I’ve been praying for it. So tell us, Y/N, what are you doing that you won’t tell us? If it’s not some dude, then maybe you decided you’d rather be a Kook. Are you going to fancy lunches and riding yachts across the ocean? Maybe you’re spitting in the faces of the people who work to make your life easier. Maybe -”

“JJ!” Kie yelled.

You stood up, your vision turning red and your skin going hot. Usually you could take JJ’s insults. You were use to JJ throwing your family’s money in your face, trying to make you feel bad for something you can’t control, but this was too much. Because now he was calling you out on your loyalty to your friends. And he was so far from the truth.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” You said. The other three stood up when you took a step in JJ’s direction. John B stood close to you. He didn’t know what you were going to do, but he’s never heard your voice so low and threatening in a long time. The other time was with a Kook who was giving JJ shit. Ironically. “For me to just leave.”

“I didn’t stutter, did I?”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m not going anywhere. In fact, because I’m such a nice friends, I’m going to give you some free advice. First, the last thing you want to question me about is my loyalty to the people who’s lives I would put before my own. Second, I would suggest removing that stick up your ass because it seems like your way too uptight to handle it.”

JJ glared at you and didn’t move to respond. A part of you was surprised he didn’t have anything to come back with and the other part of you was relieved.

The thick tension between you and your friends was suffocating. Your night had been effectively ruined by a simple question. But the sad part is, you didn’t even know who to blame. JJ, or the other man causing most of your guilt and grief.

“Y/N/N...” Kie tried stopping you as you gathered your stuff to leave.

“I’m out of here.”

You stormed out of the backyard and into your car. There was only so much you could take until you broke. And you were not going to give JJ Maybank the satisfaction of seeing you break.

                                            ***********************

You couldn’t fall asleep last night. JJ’s words kept replaying in your head like a bad song stuck on replay. You wanted to hate him. You wanted to blame him for not trusting you. But instead, you hated yourself. Because you’re the reason he can’t trust you. Cause you have secrets you don’t want shared.

Your thumb hovered over his contact. Not JJ’s. The man who’s made your life a living hell for the last sixteen years. You wanted to scream and cry and slap him in his face. But instead, you stayed frozen in fear. Like the little pathetic girl he says you are. And you hated yourself more for proving him right.

Your attention was taken away when someone busted through your bedroom door out of breath. Kie immediately went to your drawers and pulled out the first bathing suit she could find and threw it at you.

“Kie -”

“We need to go,” She said. “Get dressed.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Pope and John B ran out of gas doing grocery runs for Heyward. We need to get them with the HMS Pogue.”

“Where’s JJ? Why can’t he help you?”

“He’s working,” Kie said quickly. “Come on.”

                                           ***********************

You and Kie found Heyward’s boat stranded in the middle of the marsh like Kie said it would be. John B and Pope were waiting for you on the back and thanking you both for coming to help. You hold the gas as they helped you onto the boat. They directed you to the tank while they helped Kie.

As soon as you made your way to the front of the boat, you heard the engine of the Pogue rev and take off. You dropped the gasoline gallon and sprinted to the back of the boat where they left you. John B and Pope waved back to you as Kie drove them back to the Chataeu.

“What the hell?” You yelled at them to come back.

“You and JJ need to work your shit out!” John B yelled back to you.

“What...” You mumbled to yourself before you heard the sound of heavy footsteps running towards you. You gasp in surprise when a sweaty JJ passed you to glare at the boat that’s getting smaller and smaller by the second.

“What the fuck?” He screamed.

“There’s food and blankets in the cabin!” Pope yelled back.

“We’ll come get you in the morning,” Kie said.

You clenched your teeth together with frustration. JJ looked just as pissed off and small part of you was disappointed with that. He turned around, cursing to himself and hitting random shit in his way.

This was going to be a long day.

                                           ***********************

After four hours, you and JJ still hadn’t spoken to each other. He took over the cabin while you laid out on the back of the boat. Your head was running with different thoughts. Should you try to make up with JJ? Should you just continue to ignore him? Should you tell him why you can’t go to the surfing competition tomorrow?

You didn’t know what to do but you knew you couldn’t sit here in silence anymore.

You reluctantly stood in front of him with crossed arms. He was smoking a blunt and looking out into the setting sun. If you were friends, you would take a picture of him right now. The pink sky painted his skin perfectly.

“What?” He said without looking at you.

“Seriously?” You raised one brow. “We’re asked to do one thing on this boat and that’s all you have to say?”

“I’m not sorry for what I said last night.”

“Neither am I.”

“Fine.”

You rolled your eyes. The problem with both of you was that you’re both stubborn. But if the problem with JJ couldn’t be fixed today, you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to put up with his rude remarks and assumptions about you.

“What the hell is your problem?” You said.

“My problem?”

“Yeah. Your problem. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since Kie introduced me to you. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so goddamn much?”

JJ shook his head in annoyance. “I’m not doing this.”

He got up and walked to the back of the boat where you were sulking not even five minutes ago. You followed him like the stubborn person you were and you continued to grill him.

“I’ve tried so hard to be your friend. I’ve bought you drugs, I’ve even done yours and JB’s laundry. I put in a good word to the tourons who ask about you at boneyard parties. I laugh at your jokes, even when they’re about my friends. I try so hard to be on your good side and you still want nothing to do with me!”

“Because you’re a Kook!”

“So?”

“You have everything. Money, family, friends, a future. I don’t trust you because I don’t know what the hell you want with us. What do we possibly have that you can’t get on Figure Eight? Hm? Are you trying to prove a point to your mom that you don’t need her? You trying to prove to your dad that you’re a tough girl and don’t need his money or protection to keep you safe? Huh?”

“You know what your problem is? You don’t listen! I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t care about any of those things. I hang out with you guys because you are my friends. I have a good time when I’m with you. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

JJ scoffed. “Please. You don’t think I see you constantly checking your cell phone? Making sure no one can see who you’re texting? If we’re such good friends, why won’t you tell us what you’re doing tomorrow? You always have ‘other plans’ and then you never tell us what they are.”

“Because that’s none of your business!”

“If my friends are going to get hurt because of some lying bitch then it is my business!”

You were breathing so heavily, you were basically panting. Your blood felt like it was boiling under your skin and your head felt fuzzy with lack of thoughts. You didn’t know what to say, truly lost for words.

JJ took another step closer to you. You’re so close to him, you can feel his breath on your face and see every mark on his skin. You never knew he had a scar right above his brow or a freckle under his ear. He smelled like weed and sun sunscreen and his breath like mint. Had you not been fired up with rage, you would have thought he looked hot and maybe even made a move.

But now it was the last thing you wanted to do.

“I’m sick and tired of you spoiled brats getting everything you want. You’re nothing but a spoiled rich kid who doesn’t even know the kind of privilege she has if it hit her in the face. You can’t relate to anything we have to go through. You don’t have to get dirt underneath your fingernails to make a buck. You don’t have to wonder where your next meal is coming from. You wouldn’t last a week on the Cut because you’ve never known what it’s been like to live the life we do!”

“You don’t know anything about me!” You snapped. The heart in your chest felt like it was being shredded to pieces by a rapid wolf. You felt like you were being torn apart one by one with each insult he threw in your face. Little did he know, he was wrong.

“I know enough to never want to see you again. I will never accept you into our group of friends. Don’t you get that? So you can stop playing the nice girl act around me and go back to Sarah Cameron and the other Kooks that you still hang out with despite knowing everything they’ve done to us. To Kie!”

Bringing up the fight between Kie and Sarah was a low blow and JJ knew it. It was something you always struggled with because you continued to be friends with both of them separately. At first, they were both mad at you but then accepted your friendship when they came around to loving the idea that you would fight for both of them. You tried getting them to talk and make up, but both of them refused. Maybe you should just stick them on a boat in the middle of nowhere and force them to work it out.

Although, clearly your experience with it wasn’t going so well.

“That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well life’s not fair sweet heart. But you wouldn’t know about that.”

You thought the fight last night was bad. But this one took the icing off the cake. You wished so desperately that Kie had just trapped you both in a locked room, so at least you had the chance to break out and run away from the darkness that was clouding around you.

You were most upset that this was how JJ thought of you. You didn’t know if you would have the same devastating reaction if someone else had said these things to you. You wanted so badly to be friends with the blonde Pogue. You saw the way he interacted with his friends and you wanted to be a part of that small circle so badly, you would almost do anything to be in it.

But you didn’t think you could last another second of being belittled and tormented with JJ’s outspoken feelings towards you. You wished there was a rewind button so you could go back to bed and hopefully never wake up and you’d lock your door so Kie couldn’t break in.

You swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and admit your defeat. You wanted to find the nearest corner and crawl into it and escape the murderous glare of JJ Maybank. JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because in this moment, you still wanted him. And you were just realizing that you never will.

“You judge me by the surface. You’ve never once tried to get to know me. You don’t ask. You just assume that I’m like every other kid on Figure Eight. You don’t know where I’ve came from. What I’ve been through. What I live with. You don’t know my plans for the future or my hobbies or even my favorite color because you didn’t ask!” Adrenaline pushes through your veins like a wave of energy. You’ve never felt so powerful but so small in your life.

“All right. So tell me,” JJ said. “Tell me whatever story you can think of that will change my mind about you.”

You paused, standing there face to face with someone who will never accept you. You were suddenly overcome with so many emotions you didn’t know which one to choose from. Anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, shame.

You couldn’t believe you even thought about telling JJ your story. A story that you haven’t even told Kie. The story about how you were actually born and raised on the far end of the south side. How your dad use to abuse your mother right in front of you before she managed to escape when you were eight. For six months you lived in her car before she got a job as a housekeeper at a cheap motel used mostly for hookers and their cliental. Her employer let you live rent free if your mom accepted a cheaper pay check. During one of her shifts, your mother ran right into Andrew Y/L/N. No, he wasn’t one of the hooker’s clients. He was actually on the property looking to buy out the place. Even though he was a Kook, he looked through the housekeeper’s uniform into my mom’s heart and loved everything about her. He took her on a couple dates, then less than a year later, married her. You changed your last name to his because you didn’t want any relation to your father anymore. You thought the man was scum and deserved to rot in hell for everything he put your mom through. You hated him and even wished for him to die. Sometimes you even thought about doing it yourself. But then you saw him again. At a gas station in the middle of The Cut. You couldn’t believe he recognized you and you were even more shocked he had the audacity to talk to you. And you listened. He told you how sorry he was. How he never meant to hurt your mom. How he missed his baby girl and wanted to be in her life again. You fell for every word because a part of you you didn’t know existed missed having a biological dad.

That was your biggest mistake.

He didn’t change. He was still the same bastard he was eight years ago, using violence and threats with people much weaker than him to get what he wanted. He loved guilting you with your new luxuries. How you now had everything right under your fingertips after you left him to wither away with nothing. He said you owed him. Because you were his daughter and you were supposed to love him unconditionally. And you fell for it every time. He never hurt you like he hurt your mom. A few slaps here and there but nothing to leave a mark to get your mother questioning.

So now you were trapped - trapped in his world and in his life. Using your own money that you actually worked for, little did JJ know, to pay for his bills, his drugs, and sometimes, even his bail.

You didn’t tell anyone about this secret life because you didn’t want anyone to make you feel any more pathetic and weak than you already felt. And most importantly, you didn’t want to hurt your mother by telling her you’ve been supporting the one person she’s been trying to protect you from.

And you were about to risk that by telling someone who probably still wouldn’t care about you even after hearing what you had to say. You are who you are. If JJ didn’t like you now, he shouldn’t like you after telling him your story, anyway.

“No.” You shook your head.

“No?” JJ scoffed. “I’m finally asking you tell me something and you’re saying no?”

“Because you don’t care, JJ! Not really. You think knowing my sob story is going to get you to like me? I don’t need a pity friendship. I am who I am because of shit I’ve had to overcome. And this is me now. So if you don’t like it, then fine. We’ll do it your way and call it quits.” JJ didn’t say anything as you turned around to find somewhere to pass out in hopes of getting morning to come faster.

You found a blanket deep into the cabin and pulled it over your body, shielding yourself away from the world. You hoped the darkness would sweep through your head so you wouldn’t be plagued with torturous thoughts about your past or what’s going to happen to tomorrow. You cried - you cried because even after JJ ripped into your like a zoo animal, he still hated you.

JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because you didn’t have him.

                                           ***********************

Surprisingly, the sun rose sooner than you expected it to. Sleeping on the swaying boat wasn’t as awful as you thought it was going to be. In fact, it was kind of peaceful with the stars above you and the sound of moving water right under you.

The morning wasn’t so calming. You were slapped in the face with memories of the night before. Your stomach twisted at the thought of being face to face with JJ again. You knew what you had to do and thinking about it made you sick and depressed.

You pushed yourself up and checked the time on the radio. 8:03. Anxiety instantly flooded through you. You only had two hours to get home to be ready in time to run ‘errands’ with your dad.

You looked out to the back of the boat where JJ was looking into the horizon, probably waiting for your friends to come.

Fresh set of tears pricked your eyes at what’s to come. You loved your friends and you even loved JJ. But you couldn’t stay with the Pogues. You didn’t want to make JJ any more uncomfortable than he already was and you were afraid the constant fighting would push your friends further apart. You didn’t want to be the reason for that.

You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and walked next to JJ. Without a word, you looked out in the same direction he was looking and admired the morning sun.

Surprisingly, JJ was the first one to speak. He looked at you and instantly felt guilty all over again. He tossed and turned all night contemplating on whether he should wake you up to apologize or just wait until morning. He knew he wasn’t being fair. You’ve done nothing but tried to earn his trust since day one. You accepted him for all his flaws and he couldn’t do the same for you. Yeah there was the phone thing and not telling the others what you’re up to, but it wasn’t like you were constantly in his business. If you see him with unexplained bruises, you don’t pester him about it. If he comes back to the Chateau in a pissy mood and blames it on a fight with his dad, you try to make him forget about it with a distraction instead of making him tell you what the fight was about. Why couldn’t he give you the same respect?

Truth was he wasn’t so much worried about his friends getting hurt as he was getting hurt. He liked you more than a friend should which would make your departure from your friends that much more heartbreaking for him. He never felt this way over a girl, let a lone a Kook and he tried so desperately to hate you. But it didn’t work. Instead, it made him feel like the biggest asshole in the world. He wanted to fix what he broke. He told himself he still had time left. His friends weren’t back yet to get him.

“Listen, Y/N -”

“It’s fine, J,” You sniffled. This time you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your cheeks. You tried blinking them away which only made them fall faster. You hated crying in front of people. Your dad always said it was a sign of weakness and you believed him. You wouldn’t be surprised if JJ laughed in your face right now and called you a loser. “It’s done.”

“What are you talking about?”

JJ’s heart physically broke when he saw your tears. He had never seen you cry. Not even out of joy. He couldn’t believe he was the cause of this. That he had made someone as beautiful and as kind as you actually feel bad about herself. He wished he could take back time and start over. He wished he gave her a chance from the beginning. He wished it wasn’t too late.

You both looked up when you heard the engine of the HMS Pogue. In the distance, you could hear your friends laughing and calling out to you, not yet realizing their plan went to shit. You had to make this quick.

“The last thing I want is to get between you and your friends. You don’t have to worry about me hurting anyone, especially Kie. I’ll back off.” You said, making JJ’s brows furrowed in confusion and his heart raced with worry. “I’m giving you what you want. I’ll stay out of your life.”

JJ couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he drove you to do the one thing he actually never wanted you to do. “Wait. You’re leaving?”

You looked JJ in the eyes and he wished you didn’t. Because for the first time, he didn’t see the light behind your eyes or the little crinkle in the corner when you smiled. They were dull and lifeless, making him sick to his stomach.

“I didn’t stutter. Did I?” You used his words from the other night and it felt like a stab in the heart to JJ.

JJ was left speechless which almost never happens. He wished he could say something, anything, to make you feel differently, to tell you he was wrong and sorry. But nothing came out. He could barely breathe.

“Hey you crazy kids,” Kie’s voice pierces the air, jokingly and airy. If only she knew that wasn’t how you were feeling.

“Missing a key or something?” John B joked alongside her.

“You should have called us sooner!” Pope added.

When the boat came closer to yours, they finally got a look at the two of you. They were shocked to see you silently crying and looking like all the life had been sucked out of you. JJ looked mad but they couldn’t tell whether he was mad at you or them or himself.

The three of them went sick with anxiety, suddenly wondering if this was a bad idea. Kie tried to get you make eye contact, but you wouldn’t look at her. You couldn’t look at any of them - afraid you might actually break completely if you did.

“Y/N/N...” Kie said softly.

“You guys okay?” John B asked wearily.

JJ helped Pope tie The Pogue to Heyward’s boat and hopped on right after. Pope traded spots with JJ and came up beside you and stood there awkwardly. He didn’t know what to do either.

You looked up at him before he could come up something probably stupid to ask. “Can you drop me off please?”

Pope glanced back at his friends and nodded. “Uh, sure. John B will probably get you there faster though if you -”

“No, it’s okay,” You said. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle being in an enclosed space with JJ for another minute. You just wanted to go home and forget the past two years ever happened. “I’ll stay here.”

Pope shrugged at his friends when you trudged back into the cabin and curled yourself into the corner. You didn’t know what the next few weeks would be like, but you hoped they go better than the last twenty four hours did.

[twinklelilstarkey]

“Please don’t go” with Freddie Andersen 🥺

"Please don't go" - Frederik Andersen

Words: 3.6k+

Type: ANGST

Warnings: A lot of crying from both Y/N and Freddie. Break up. Mentions of long distance relationships.

It was a tough decision to end your relationship with Freddie.

You two had dated for a few months, after being extremely good friends for years. The whole relationship was a quite sudden decision, but right as it started, it felt so right that you felt stupid for not admitting your feelings sooner.

You feel like it’s fair to say that everything, absolutely everything, was just pure perfection when you were together. And that is why what you two shared will always be kept in your hearts:

All the smiles, all the laughter, all the hugs, all the kisses. The way one would always support the other on whatever decision. Or the way you two believed in one another, no matter what. 

There was just nothing bad about it. There were no arguments. If anything there was just disagreements, which if they did escalate, you two would fix it or just calm down in the same breath. 

Ending it, even though expected, was as painful as anything can possibly be. Both of you cried, constantly itching to comfort one other, feeling as helpless like never before.

You two sat opposites on your couch. Freddie looked at the ground, elbows over his knees as he listened to you, and you stared at a wall to contain your tears. Yet as soon as the first one escaped, you were done for.

Sobs in the middle of sentences, almost as if your heart was pleading your brain to stop you from putting an end to it. To what made you happy. 

An imaginary weight, which would always be lifted off when together, had now set over the two of you again. As well as the cold of familiar loneliness, and the horrible pain of heartbreak.

But it was for the best... right?

You got a huge offer for your job, some kind of promotion, which consisted of you moving to America.

It has been so many years since you started calling the Toronto streets your home, that you just know that this change will be unfamiliar and hard, yet the outcome always seems worth it. 

In your eyes, there’s absolutely no way for you to refuse it.

But for you to have it, you have to lose a lot too since work never makes it easy for anyone to take days off. Especially if those few days are to be in another country. Canada, in your case.

And sure, you had holidays and a week or two offered to you as some sort of vacation in a whole year of work. But not enough for you to try and leave everything behind you intact and act as if it will stay like that while you're away.

Whether you like it or not, strong friendships will become weak, the constant communication with your family will not even seem like half of what it used to be, and when it comes to relationships, trust will be tested. And god, even if you trust someone with your life, nothing can stop your brain from thinking of all awful possibilities. As well as your heart from hurting due to missing them so much.

Long-distance relationships are painful and you do not want to go through them. You would prefer to let the love of your life live his life with someone else, then let them wait for you for only God knows how much time.

That decision is the opposite way of looking at life selfishly. You prefer to go through an immense amount of pain if that means that the ones you love will be happy. Something Freddie always loved about you and sometimes would bring it up in conversations.

He also wouldn't let you refuse such an offer and you know it. The opportunity of you going after your dream was more important to him than anything, because it is your dream. He just didn't really know what would come with it.

He didn't know how much he would cry, how much he wouldn't want to open his eyes in the morning to see an empty bed, how much he would come to hate the silence in his home, or the absence of your perfume in his hoodies. It was a whole list of horrible things that he feels while following the same routine as before, yet all it gives him is pain. 

While you were packing your whole apartment to move far away, fighting off tears, Freddie had to work.

In morning skates, he would find himself skipping almost half his playlist when stretching because everything would remind him of you. He wouldn't look up at the clock in anticipation to go home. Or even be quick with getting off the ice when the last minute of work ends.

Sometimes he would sit on the bench for so long that the lights would eventually turn off around the arena. But he would just sit there. Head hung low with his eyes either closed or staring at nothing in front of him, letting his head run free.

Those weeks were rough. If rough could even come to describe half of what you two felt.

Today is your last day. The day to get on an airplane and not be sure when you're going to step foot into Canadian soil before Christmas. Or even see your loved ones before that too.

Your family and your friends have texted you a lot this morning, letting you know that they'll meet you at the airport. As well as asking how excited you feel.

You truly aren't even slightly excited to leave. All you feel is regret. And it's heavy and painfully stabbing its way into your back while closing its fists around your heart.

Why didn't you start dating way before all of this? Maybe that would've worked out in a way. You two could've argued and hated each other for what you've swarmed it could be forever. 

Or why did you have to meet him at all? Why didn't you ignore him like every other guy that talked to you on that specific bar? It would've made your friendship impossible and he would be nothing but a goalie you would see on the TV.

Getting up from bed today was just as bad to you as it was for Freddie. You two both dragged your feet into your separate bathrooms and undressed, pulling yourselves under the water of the shower. The water would soak you but neither of you moved to actually start doing anything else, you just stood there for a minute.

And with that, a loud sob jumped out of your mouth and you're back into your circle. Back to doing the same things with the same make-up-less face, your eyes swollen from tears and gaze fixed in nothing but the tiles of your floor.

Freddie didn't sob, but he isn't sure if he didn't cry either. If tears fell they left with the water falling from on top of him. The water that is trying to embrace him back to comfort, but failing miserably.

You throw the rest of your things inside your last bag and close the zipper slowly. Your gaze lifts up to the mirror of your bathroom and the reflected image breaks you as reality sets in.

You have to leave.

Walking around the apartment to check on everything was difficult as you continue to battle your emotions and throw all the memories to the back of your mind.

After that, you leave the key on the place you had previously planned with your landlord, and off you went into your Uber to the airport with your last belongings in your bags. Ready to leave home.

The driver was nice. He made small talk about where you were going and how he had gone there with his family last summer. He also must have sensed your uneasiness, so he decided highlight how nice the locals were and how everyone would always be ready to help you.

It relaxed you in a way, but not entirely as that wasn't even what was on your mind in the first place.

On the other hand, Freddie's late. Stuck in traffic to be more precise. His leg bounces with stress as he hides his face under his hat and hood of his shirt. All he could think of is how he won't get there in time.

His driver is silent, bobbing his head to the soft music playing on the radio while he stares at all the cars in front of them.

When taking a quick peek at the lines of cars in front of him, Freddie's starting to lose hope, no matter how hard he tries to be more optimistic.

He unlocks his phone as his fingers itch to text you, but he freezes at the picture of his home screen. He still doesn't have to heart to change anything he had with you, not even his god damn home screen.

A picture just a few weeks old, before you even had told him about the job offer. You were smiling at him behind the camera while holding a puppy up to your chest, eyes bright and wide with excitement. And your smile... just as breathtaking as heart-wrenching.

Freddie blinks harshly at the painful happy memory and looks ahead of him as the car moves ever so slightly. He has to at least say bye to you.

"You're going to love it, I know it!" Your mom says excitingly.

She squeezes you into another hug and you close your eyes at the feeling of her squeeze. Your hands are shaking for some unknown reason so you hesitate before wrapping your arms around her as well.

"You'll meet so many new people and learn so much new stuff."

She's starting to sound more excited than you at this point, yet you don't do anything but a short nod against her shoulder.

When you pull away, you look down at your phone, expecting to see any sort of notification... but there's nothing.

"Hey, I want a hug too." Your friend says over everyone's voices as she elbows her way to you.

You offer her a broken grin and she sadly smiles at you, throwing herself and her arms around you. 

Freddie almost rips the door open as the Uber parks right in front of the airport's main doors, not even realizing that he hasn’t acknowledged the driver verbally ever since he got inside the vehicle. 

His feet feel heavy and his legs tired, even though they have no reason to feel that way, yet he drags them into the building.

He walks fast-paced through the airport, looking through every group of people. His eyes scanning every single backpack, shirt, head of hair, beanie. Everything to find you.

You unwrap your arms from around another one of your friends and she smiles at you while cupping your face in her hands.

"If you ever need anything, I'll be on the first plane to you." She tells you and you grin at her.

"Promise?" You ask.

"I promise."

She kisses your nose and that's able to make your scowl break onto a smile, making everyone around you feel a sudden weight being lifted off the air around them, relief.

You adjust your backpack on your shoulder as you look around the group to see if you've hugged everyone and it sure seems like it. Your heart tightens in your chest and you take a deep breath.

"Are you ready to go?" Your mom asks you, laying her hand over your shoulder.

"I think so." You tell her.

She gives you a light squeeze in comfort and looks over behind her to see the line where you need to do your check-in.

"Well, I believe you just need to go over there," She starts, looking back at you, "and get your-"

She stops talking out of nowhere and you lift your gaze from your bag at her. She’s staring at something behind you.

Your heart quickens and at the sudden bit of hope runs through you. You look over your shoulder and your eyes meet Freddie walking towards you.

He's wearing grey sweatpants, a black hoodie, a hat over his head, and the hood of his shirt over it. If it wasn't for all the light coming from the large windows beside you, you wouldn't have noticed his reddened eyes and the broken look he's giving you.

Without any sort of hesitation, you take the backpack from your shoulder and lay it on the ground, taking steps towards him.

Freddie meets you halfway, wrapping his arms around you as yours move up to wrap around his neck and cling onto him. He holds you by your waist securely and lifts you in the air to hold you as close to him as possible.

A soft sob you’ve been holding in falls from your lips, sounding slightly muffled by his clothes, and you lay your head over his shoulder. Freddie closes his eyes to stop his tears from coming up again, snuggling his face close to you.

Your family and friends, when seeing and noticing you two, let sad smiles appear on their faces and decide to step aside, giving you two some space and privacy.

"I ran the whole airport to find you." He says, some humor deep in his tone.

A small smile lifts over your face as you cry your eyes out again, more out of relief than anything else.

One of his vacant hands lays on the back of your head, almost as it holding steady and his thumb caresses the nape of your neck, softly and carefully.

"I thought you weren't coming."

You pull your face away from his shoulder and take a look at him, locking gazes with him. Your hands rest over his shoulders and Freddie looks back just as directly.

"I got stuck in traffic." He explains.

Your hands come up to his bearded cheeks, a small pout influencing your forced smile, and your thumbs caress his skin.

His hand also rises up and he quickly wipes the tears off your cheeks.

“Don’t cry, come on.” He tries to tell you in a whisper over the sound of everyone’s loud voices around the airport.

“Sorry.” You tell him almost automatically, voice slightly cracking.

“No, don’t be sorry.” He corrects you. “I just don’t want to see you sad.”

You sniffle, your hands still over his cheeks, and give him a little nod, almost as your way to acknowledge his words since you’re not really trusting your voice right now.

Freddie kisses your palm and you lift your hands to wrap your arms around his neck again. He holds you as well and tries to swallow the ball of emotions at the back of his throat as your body shakes as you let out another overpowering small wave of silent sobs.

His eyes water ever so slightly and he blinks the tears away. 

“Do you feel ready to go?” He asks against the fabric of your hoodie, leaning his head closer against you.

“No.” You tell him.

Freddie swears his whole body reacted to your words. Maybe it was because you said it so close to his ear and that was the reason why he felt all those chills, but in a way, he knows it’s more than that.

He gives you more squeeze and your heart aches over what it could possibly mean. His hand rests over your leg and he leans forward to motion you to get back on the ground.

You do as requested but your body almost acts as if in denial when you order it to let go of him.

Freddie’s hands lay loosely by your waist, while your arms still hug his neck close to you, making him have to lean down over you.

“You still want to go, right?” He asks.

He doesn’t even know if he’s just checking on you or if he’s just hoping for an answer that would mean that you could go back home with him, but either way, he awaits it.

“I think so.” You try to say, but your voice falls in a whisper.

He forces your arms a bit away from him and you lift your head from his shoulder, sending him a look so broken that Freddie swears it broke his heart even further. He stares back into your eyes silently and observes your expression.

Without thinking twice, you close the small space between you two and lay your lips against his.

The sweet kiss is more than welcomed by Freddie, who can’t help but feel the small bit of hope course through his veins. The relief he felt over feeling you just hugging him again was able to destroy so many doubts in his head, and now that you’re kissing him, it’s like he’s falling in love all over again.

His hand rests in the back of your head, not letting you pull away just yet from the kiss he has been thinking about and needing for the past few weeks.

When you do pull away, you two just feel reality wash over you like a ice cold bucket of water. It’s heartbreaking to the point of you to want to gasp for air. 

You feel horrible.

Freddie looks back into your eyes as he pulls away further and he feels his eyes well up in tears again. And this time, it doesn’t go unnoticed.

Why do you have to go?

Your hands lay over his shoulders even when he stands upright and his hand continues rested over your head, against your hair, feeling it under his fingers.

He breaks his gaze from your eyes to check the time on the screen a few meters behind you. You follow his gaze, hands now sliding and resting over his chest, and your heart skips a beat at how the time flew since you had gotten there.

You don’t have much time left.

Your eyes go back to Freddie and he looks absolutely broken. And that is not making anything feel any easier for you.

“I love you.” You decide to tell him, “So much.”

He looks down at you and brings his hands back to your cheeks, holding your face.

“I love you too.” He answers.

His voice is so much lower and so much weaker than you’ve ever heard it before, it feels like a nightmare. 

It feels so unreal and so scary that it seems like something only the back of your mind can create to terrify you.

You grip onto his shirt and pull him down to you again, ignoring how the tears are starting to come up your eyes once more. He does as you request him to and this time doesn’t even even think twice before kissing you.

Your lips press against his as he lays various small pecks onto them while holding your wet cheeks in his larger hands.

“Please don’t go.” You hear him plead after a kiss.

You reopen your eyes and stare back at his. A tear has been able to escape his eyes and you’re quick to wipe it with the end of your sleeves.

“I need to go, Freddie.” You tell him, fighting off a sob. “I already signed everything.”

Frederik lays his forehead against yours and looks back onto you.

“Then I’ll wait for you.”

No.

You shake your head at him as a sob escapes your lips again and he fights off your denial with a nod.

“I will. I’ll wait for that contract to end, or I’ll retire early, I don’t care.” He tells you, feeling some more tears wet his face again, “We’ll be together again. I’ll visit you as many times as I can. I promise.”

You wipe his tears and quickly lean back to just pull him into another hug.

You cling onto his shirt, feeling more powerless than anything. 

The pain you’re feeling due to leaving is so strong that you almost don’t feel like yourself. Your body is shaking, you feel light headed, your chest is aching as your heart beats just as fast as your mind runs through all your options. 

You didn’t want it to be like this. For you to feel so sad and in so much pain. 

Freddie holds you back before you pull back, squeezing you close to him.

“Honey, it’s time to go.”

Your mom’s voice.

You quickly wipe your tears and lift your head from Freddie’s shoulder. He lets you go and a sudden rush of cold fills your body. The lack of his warmth is almost able to freeze you.

After that and a harsh and hard swallow of all your emotions, you pull your parents and friends into another set of hugs. Rushing back to Freddie for a last hug.

His hand is over your back, moving up and down to try and comfort you. You lay your wet cheek over his shirt, not caring if you wet it. And as soon as you look at him, your chin over his chest, he kisses your cheek.

A last squeeze later and you step back, offering everyone a small smile. Freddie grabs your backpack from the ground and gives it over to you. You take it silently and look up at everyone once more.

A small broken whisper moves past your lips as a small ‘bye’ to everyone that is looking at you and you soon turn on your heels, and... leave.

You don’t look back. Scared that if you do, you’re not able to keep going. And with that, Freddie stays back, standing right next to your family and friends.

Your mom has her hand over his back, comforting him just like he just did to you, in silence. And as soon as you’re out of the view from everyone’s eyes, she doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug.

“You’ll be together again. I’m sure of it.” She reassures him.

I hate this, but it can’t stay on my drafts for longer than it already has. Hope you like it...?

[valorkook]

The Story of Us | j.jk

pairings: jeon jungkook x fem!reader  (ft. kim taehyung near the ending)

type/warning: little fluff i guess, angst, requited to unrequited love, reincarnation AU, soulmates!AU, solo idol!AU, accidental death (overdose), mention of magic/witchcraft, incorrect depiction of history stuff

word count: 11.6k (my longest fic yet)

summary: If there was one thing you could learn from the existence of soulmates in the world is that it is dependent on the way you let your life unravel based upon the decisions you make: Whether you choose to fall once again into the scheme of destiny dictated by the heavens above or you learn from your past life and decide to let go. 

Year 18XX

Soulmates. Many children have been read by their parents or guardians the story of the first-recorded couple who told the rest of the world how we are predestined to be with someone not only in just one lifetime, but also in the next lifetime. The concept of soulmates was merely just a story people mockingly believed in until it happens to them; to your parents, and to you. 

Back when you were a child, being tucked at night by your mother you were excited to hear how she and your father met and knew they were bound for each other through every lifetimes they will have in the future, however she explained to you that though they are going to meet each other when they are reborn does not guarantee that you will be their child again. 

You remember that was your first heartbreak. Wanting to curse whoever started the soulmate connection but it will only render you to be spanked in the butt, and as an 8-year-old child you don’t want to experience that kind of pain before you sleep. The only way you can express your anger and sadness was to pout, tears from your eyes threatening to spill as your mother coddled you to sleep that night. 

Regardless, she assured you and your little mind that while they might be gone from your life when you reincarnated, your soulmate from the past will stand next to you. You and your significant other will retain the same name and the same memories once you encounter them again, and you will continue to save your memories with them throughout the next lifetime. That little knowledge you learned magically helped you sleep comfortably apart from being in the loving arms of your mother. 

It was essential to remember that night, within your dreams you walked a familiar path in Kang's manor and deep in their magnificent garden was where you found him; Doe eyes staring back at yours, and it appears that you nearly have the same height as him as both of you were still young. The most important thing you kept in your mind when you woke up from that dream was how he looked, and exactly the location of where to find him that day. 

The Kang’s estate is one of the largest houses you visited countlessly in the village, apart from your own house with your parents. The status of being the only daughter in the family made you become close with Kang Kyungmi, who has the same age as you. You two have partaken on multiple play dates and tea parties conducted by your parents as a scapegoat for them to mingle and gossip at the stone patio overlooking the Kang’s intricate hedge labyrinth and garden. There have been times where you lost your way out inside the high bushes parting into pathways and Kyungmi, bestowed with a sense of direction and intelligence at a young age, always knows where to find you before the night comes. You were deathly afraid of the dark back then.

You have another objective related to finding your soulmate as you begged your parents to visit Kyungmi the next day after the dream occured. And while the carriage being carried by the horses take their time to travel towards their manor, in the back of your mind you have already planned the pathways of the maze, hopefully be able to check its crevices and corners to find him. You can’t divulge the information to your parents that you have seen your soulmate’s face until you can prove it with your own two eyes.

Hurried greetings were given upon entry to the gates by you before you sped over at the back of their huge house, no more than two minutes and you found yourself standing at the entrance of the maze. You don’t care that your dress, albeit being immaculate white since it was purchased four days ago, gets dirtied with the soil once you entered their garden. What was once a clear sky before you left your home now turns out to be dimmed and cloudy, as if nature's provoking you to find him before the rain pours. Nevertheless you gladly took the challenge as you began to thread the high bushes and find a pathway connected to other areas of the maze. 

“Doe eyes,” was only what you could mutter as you turned every corner until you saw the same angle of the tree branches peeking just above the hedges in your dreams, except there was not a single person whose innocent eyes you memorized appeared at the same spot. 

“Have you lost your way out?” someone meekly asked you from behind. 

The moment you have your eyes on his, you are helpless. So to say. 

He was the most handsome boy you have ever seen in your life, and you feel your heart beating faster against your chest and your hands yearning to hold his. You were speechless when you saw his face, the exact eyes that have been stuck in your dreams were now real and in front of you. While your parents hoped for your soulmate to have the same social status as yours, you didn’t mind when his appearance said otherwise. He was no noble, you figured, but you were sure your parents cannot protest against the soulmate connection made by the heavens above for you and him. 

You never dare to forget his name when you make your journey back home once the night falls. Though you two didn’t spend enough time to talk and get to know each other, you were already planning to know all of him in this lifetime. 

His name is Jeon Jungkook, the youngest son of his family who has been loyal in their service to the Kang’s family for decades. More than that, they are residing in the same manor as Kyungmi so you would always know where to find him easily. No longer will you attempt to roam the whole country, looking for your soulmate since you are blessed by the heavens above that you already met him. Indeed there was no verbal indication that the two of you were destined for each other, but deep inside there is this mutual feeling that speaks for both of you. Some kind of divine intervention that cannot be proven by science. 

Your parents found it odd that they have been frequenting the Kang’s family in the coming years, and yet they never questioned it. It only made them happy to see your budding friendship with Kyungmi and the boy whose family works for Kyungmi’s parents. You three were inseparable since Kyungmi observed how you became close to Jungkook. Moreover, you have introduced him as your soulmate, to which she enthusiastically celebrated by requesting for his mother, Mrs. Jeon, to bake a cake instantly that day. Thus, her blabbering got the attention of nearly all the workers in the manor and her parents as well as yours, and his. 

Your parents were surprised when they were able to piece together the reason for visiting the Kang’s. Finding out that It was more than just you creating a long-lasting friendship with Kyungmi. Nonetheless, they support your happiness as much as Kyungmi’s parents support hers. Granted, they were far from other noble families who seek to elevate their status and advertising their own children in marriage as a way of merging businesses.

In the perspective of the Jeon family, with their youngest son whose soulmate is the daughter of an affluent family in the village, they sighed in relief from worrying about Jungkook’s future as a menial laborer. As much as their predecessors have been loyal to the Kang’s family, they hoped that their sons would find a way to grow outside of the manor and pursue their aspirations beyond the village. While Junghyun’s planning his future outside the service they provide to the Kang’s family, Jungkook however was focused to alleviate the workload of his parents during that time. With you as their son’s soulmate, they see a bright future for Jungkook to care and provide for you, transcending through every lifetime you will spend together. 

From that moment, while his parents continue to do the same chores within Kang's manor Jungkook was already given the liberty to choose whether to stay at Park’s manor, which is your family’s, or to stay. He was not required to be of service for the Kang’s anymore but due to his compassion towards his parents, he continues to do so. Not only that, his family is well-received by both powerful families and were gifted with various items; his favorite shirt which was dull in color was then replaced with a more vibrant cream color, and he was required to own a few suits whenever the families host dinner parties. It was typical for Jungkook to always escort you to every party, even if it’s held at Kyungmi’s house or yours, but he didn’t mind one bit as long as he has you close to him. 

You feel loved whenever you feel his eyes on you as the years go by. The talks you two shared were delightful, you admit. Though nothing compares to the lingering stares and the kisses you two have shared under the same moonlight when both of you reached the age of 13. His soft lips against yours always leave you defenseless, that only led him to give you more until your lipstick’s a mess. Even if it was a mere peck, an innocent kiss shared between the two of you, both you and Jungkook were still reprimanded by your respective parents. Though neither of you didn’t expressed any regrets after being caught, you two still kept to your parents’ word to wait for the right time, such as marriage. 

It was when you’re 14 years old that he planned to take you out into the townsquare, just the two of you as you roamed the festivities prepared and held by the townspeople annually. The two young couple, soulmates if you’d prefer, grabbed the attention of some villagers and made them coo at the demure young love you two emitted. Furthermore, he let you know that to make this date be affordable, he started working at the nearby bakery months ago in order to earn money to spend for tonight. Even when both of you knew that you can afford everything the market has to offer that night.

“Just let me spend my hard earned money for you, ______.” Jungkook whined adorably while you only pinched his cheeks in response. He never missed to treat you like a princess worthy of the world has to offer every time when you realize that he, too, deserves to be treated as a prince if you were to be his one and only princess. 

The summer when you were 15, and him approaching the age of 16, he agreed to your suggestion to stay with you and your family for the whole season. And while he is assured by your parents to treat it as a vacation with your family, he still insists on doing the chores he used to do before despite your protest. Although not for long, you learned to do the same tasks he performed and was able to independently bake cupcakes without burning them and leave your room clean every morning, which left your maids to scratch their heads on what to touch after considering that your trinkets are no longer littered on the floor anymore. 

The garden in your backyard was something that can’t be bragged about without being compared to Kyungmi’s, but Jungkook kissed your worries away when the open field offered the opportunity to teach you how to ride a horse, choosing Nora. The white horse had been spontaneously named by your mother as a present from your parents on your 3rd birthday. You feel his clothed chest on your back as he guided your hands in manipulating the rope in front of you. 

There are other days where you were calmly reading with him in the small library located in the east wing of the mansion, getting used to the domesticity of the quiet activity you two chose to spend the rest of the day with. Unfortunately for him, he picked the wrong book to read when his eyes stumbled upon hifalutin words that are rarely used in everyday conversations. 

He scooted over to the sofa you’re currently occupying, noticed how his right hand is free from clutching the book and found your left hand. Interlacing your fingers together before asking you the meaning of the difficult words. You gladly taught him the whole afternoon with new words, though it didn’t last long when he returned the book back to its proper shelf and insisted for you to read him the romantic fiction upon your hands until the sun goes down.

Summer comes and goes so fast when the night turns colder and he is on a carriage back to his family. You silently cried that night in your bed when he went away, never knowing Jungkook equally feels the same way during that ride. While you wiped your tears from the linens on the side of your bed you felt the crinkling of paper buried beneath the blanket, digging your left hand beneath as the smooth edges of a folded paper met your fingertips. 

Dear ______,

I know that by the time you read this, I am already on my way back to family. Though I wish to experience more seasons than just summer with you, we still have to wait for time to take its course. If there is one thing I regret while spending my summer days with you, it is only when I did not summon enough courage to say that I love you. 

I love you, ______, and I am sorry that I would have to leave you for now. But if you are willing to wait as I am, do expect the next time we meet that I will say those three words without any fear holding me back. Please do not be saddened by my absence as I’ll make an effort to become an educated man worthy to stand by your side. I will be eternally grateful for your parents and Kyungmi’s for giving me an opportunity to pursue my studies out of kindness; they say it is never too late for me to fulfill my education like any other noble children have the privilege to do. Even so, none of these would not happen if I never became your soulmate in the first place.

I thanked the heavens for leading me to you, you did not make me feel like a nuisance even before you knew I was the one for you. Perhaps it was fate that led me to follow you inside the garden when I overheard that you have the tendency to lose your way out of the labyrinth. Now, with how our story unravels I feel undeserving of having the privilege to be your soulmate, but I know you will say otherwise. 

It will be hard for us to be away from each other for awhile, but I hope that my love for you makes you grow fonder of my presence even if we are apart. My heart belongs to you and you only, no one else’s. I hope I have captured your heart by the end of this summer. I look forward to the next moment we will meet, and in the next years to come where I will be allowed to spend the rest of seasons in this lifetime as your loving husband. 

I will patiently wait for a letter if you ever have the chance to write to me at your earliest convenience. Again, I miss you and I love you ______.

Sincerely,

Jeon Jungkook

The tears continued to pour from your eyes though it never wetted the paper, you cherished the words he had written to you too much to even smudge the ink embedded in the fibers. The letter, while made you cry, also brought comfort that he has you in his mind even after he leaves the manor that housed him for the summer. Although it is unfair for you to be a mess after reading the letter, you were somewhat grateful that Jungkook was able to express that your love is reciprocated. This was better than him leaving without leaving these words of consolation at all. 

You securely folded the letter again and kept it safe from being touched by your maids as you put it inside a drawer on your nightstand, secured with a key hidden in a place you only know. From that night, you planned to write a letter back as soon as possible before the school starts again. 

Gone are the days when Jungkook sends you a letter along with a flower or two for when you feel like at your worst, it is only reduced to a piece of paper since floral shops are closed for the time being during winter season and he only has a few money remaining as he’s discouraged to work when school began. More than that, you received a letter also from Kyungmi who cannot wait to spend Thanksgiving hosted by your family real soon. She further explained that she has no one to talk to while being homeschooled except Jungkook whenever he had the chance to visit the manor on weekends, considering that he is currently attending a boarding school exclusively for male students. Whenever he was unable to mail you his letter every week, you have Kyungmi to write to and visit every now and then. 

Without Jungkook, you and Kyungmi were at an age where you confide in each other related to trivial things that might trouble your minds as you two approach the time where girls like you are expected to marry. There might be others who wanted to explore the world using their father’s money, perhaps learn a thing or two relating to the business established by their kin. But you have met your soulmate early and never desired to do these contrarian ways nor wish to live without him until you feel you are ready for marriage. Kyungmi, however, cannot relate to what you have right now.

“I found out that I am adopted,” she told you one day while the two of you are busy painting the canvases in front of you, “and they say that I should’ve found my soulmate three years ago. Lucky for you, you found Jungkook at an earlier age than expected.” 

You dropped the brush on your hand, losing interest in the current activity as you worriedly looked at her who seems to be in near tears, “Perhaps it is not too late, you know. There has been news outside the village that they found their soulmate even when they are 20 years or older.” 

“I’m not willing to wait that long, other girls at the same town as ours will speak ill of me.” Kyungmi expressed, “How I am unworthy to be the daughter of my parents or how I deserve to not have a soulmate--”

You tried to empathize with her, “Do not think of what they say, they are just jealous of how the heavens granted you your parents. Do not also lose hope about your soulmate,they will come to you someday. There’s nothing wrong with waiting.” you caressed her long hair in comfort before hugging her. 

“Is Kyungmi okay?” You gasped when you heard his voice from behind. Not long and you felt his arms around you and Kyungmi. It feels like you two were the same children who are inseparable for the longest time every time you visit their manor. 

“Just some mean kids, Jungkook.” You explained simply while you feel his chin against your head, it’s shocking that he started to outgrow your height as expected for him as a 15 years old. 

“Tell me their names and I’ll--” 

“You can’t beat up girls,” Kyungmi muttered.

He paused, “I’ll give them a word of warning then.”

You three made light of the situation by laughing, never knowing how it also affects the reputation of the Kang’s among their influential peers not only within the village but also outside of it. The Kang’s family let the fools criticize their family for a while, hoping for them to exhaust themselves and make their mouths dry from speaking but somehow it did not cease even after the Thanksgiving celebration. 

And Mr. Kang knew what he had to do, all in the sake of his daughter’s happiness.

“Your daughter’s the talk of the town if I’m not wrong, Daeshim.” the raspy voice of Miss Bonhwa interrupted his eyes from scanning the whole bungalow where she lives. To others, she is just a lowly villager who creates and supplies herbal medicine to nearby infirmaries, but to him she is more than just a simple lady living in solitude. If only the people have a clue about the medicines they intake are laced with a little bit of magic. 

She is a witch, eternal youth bestowed upon every inch of her melanin-rich skin as he observed that Bonhwa hadn’t aged at all; not a single wrinkle can be spotted at the corner of her eyes or her mouth. He knew of her long before he met his wife as an adventurous kid in the outskirts of the village back then. It is not that they have an affair or so, but she has something that bound them for the next lifetimes. Though it is important for him to note to himself to redo the same thing over again once he is reborn to a new life and found his soulmate again; his wife. 

She further prodded, “And you are not warranted to visit again, as I told you I will see you in the next lifetime.”

“I did not come here for myself, my wife and I are still happily married.” Kang Daeshim explained. Admittedly, he and his wife were surprisingly not soulmates. However, they are not bound to anyone else after years of attempting to search for their destined significant other. Soon enough at the age of 25, they found each other and were willing to build a special relationship that the village seemed to disapprove of as they are going against the very nature of the soulmate connection in the world.

Bonhwa hummed, “for Kyungmi, then. Who do you plan to bound her to? A rich noble named Kim Taehyung--”

“Rich, noble boys only care for themselves,” he scoffed, “my daughter deserves to be treated better, someone who will see her as a royalty rather than a property they can abuse to their heart’s content.” 

Her mind-reading capabilities did not fail her to see the ideal candidate for Kyungmi inside Mr. Kang’s head. “I expect that you’ll bring him here the next fortnight, as well as enough sacks of gold for this to happen exactly as you wish.” and with one blink, Mr. Kang found himself standing in front of his carriage ready to travel back to his manor with his wife and daughter, as well as her future in-laws residing with them for years.

It was at the age of 16 where you are about to finish your education, expected to learn the footsteps your parents made to establish the winery they wanted in the abundant field behind where your house stood. A few trees might be needed to be taken down from the forest at the far back of the property, to pave way for the seeds of grapes to be planted and fermented in the near future. 

Your father’s trip to Spain made no exception for him to not explore the wineries and the abundance of fragrant wine it has to offer. Thus it inspired him and his wife, your dear mother, to invest enough money to create their own until they retire. Soon, they saw you being born as their child and molding you ready to take over the new family business. Yes, you were still young but you presented a sense of maturity that other primadonnas in their noble family lacked. 

You received far much better education compared to other ladies of your own age, even Kang Kyungmi was only able to receive enough education proper for ladies to act based upon society’s expectation as they are assumed to be taken care of by their future husbands. Being privately taught by unconventional school subjects for girls gave you an opportunity in which you can stand equally next to your future husband and soulmate, Jeon Jungkook. 

Though strangely, the letters he wrote to you each week had begun to cease. It seemed to be much worse as compared to when he is busy in his studies, attempting to catch up at the lessons he lacked as a child and continues to prove his peers wrong by excelling much better than them. It was amazing to read of his adventures as he writes it in the past letters, but now you are longing for him and his words of comfort and full of love. How can he spend a week long without communicating with you? It was agonizing for you to be apart from him now that you have been expecting him to ask for your hand in marriage, yet he hadn’t tried to ask for your parent’s blessing before this year ends. 

Moreover, Kyungmi hasn’t been responding to the letters you sent a long ago. For sure they have been back from the vacation they announced a month ago, included in their plans to stay out of town for a short time was that the Jeon family comes along with them. Though you figured that it is not anticipated for them to ask permission from you, it might be just nice to be reminded by your soulmate that they are taking a vacation without you. . . as if they were just one family. Even so, not a single note arrived upon your doorstep when they left.

You admit to yourself, there’s a lingering jealousy whenever Kyungmi and Jungkook are together without you. In the past, you dismissed such feelings as they are childhood friends first before you came into the scene as his soulmate. Although this time, you grew worried that something’s not in the right place anymore. It feels as if you were drifting apart. 

Little did you know your parents already knew of what had transpired; manipulated by their very own close friend before they left for their trip out of town. They don’t know how to break the news to you when you are so helplessly in love with your soulmate even when they observed how less frequently the mailman dropped by their estate to deliver enveloped letters that were supposedly from Jungkook. 

It was also at the age of 16 where you received your second heartbreak. 

The reason you were able to curse the pouring sky on an evening night was when Kyungmi and Jungkook’s engagement was announced during a celebration held in their manor. Though your parents attempted to stop you from attending the party, you were too stubborn and managed to escape their grasp when you rode the same horse, Nora, that you learned to travel with in that summer with him.

Yet he was far from your sight when you entered their estate, your hair disheveled from the harsh winds that came along with the hurried gallops of Nora. You cannot contain your gasp when you see their hands interlaced, with hers adorned with a large diamond ring that you learned back then was a heirloom from Kyungmi’s grandfather. 

Only then did the nearby attendees take notice of your state, some of them who suspect that you and Jungkook were soulmates based on the times you roamed the street whenever the village held a holiday to celebrate by all. The murmurs widened like a ripple of water towards the grand staircase where the two families of the manor stood. It was not long until you captured his doe eyes, swimming with guilt as he moved his foot from where he stood.

“Don’t attempt to chase her, son,” Mr. Kang gritted, appearing to be embarrassed yet angry at how the nosey crowd got ahold of the real truth. “Remember your duty to this family, to Kyungmi, and most importantly for your parents and brother.” 

You were far too embarrassed to make a scene with the villagers as your audience, the only thing you could do was to run away from their sight. Much like the first time he cannot find the strength to confront you of his feelings for him, you did the same thing when you did not wait for the rain to stop to travel back to your parents’ manor with Nora. 

“______.” You heard your mother calling for your attention when you entered the gates, eyes laced with worry while yours were filled with tears that seemed to be covered by the raindrops currently pouring. 

Your chest was heaving and with a shaking voice did you ask, “How long have you known?” a thick blanket was then placed around your freezing body as she, with the help of your maids, led you towards the fireplace while the others were busy to fix a warm bath and retrieve a new dress for the daughter of the Park estate. 

Your father was the one who replied to your question, “It was only when they left out of town a month ago, though the Kang family sent a letter of apology for-- well--,”

“For stealing my soulmate, what a fucking delight.” you managed to scoff, your mother beside you was about to reprimand your language but was interrupted by the deep chuckle of her spouse. 

“Let her be, darling. She is entitled to feel angry about it.” Your father told your mother regarding your fuming behavior. 

Then realization dawned upon you before you were urged to take your bath, “Why did they take him away from me? Why did he not fight for me? Am I unworthy to be considered as his soulmate?” You sobbed, what would you become when a person who was supposedly destined to you did not choose to be with you. 

Your tears continue to pour as you feel your father’s hand on the side of your head, inviting you to lean on his shoulders as you cry your heart, longing for Jungkook that night. You deserve at least an explanation from him as to why he changed his mind, his plans to marry you and proceeded to choose someone else to spend his life with. 

“None of this is your fault, remember that ______. They are only selfish and cruel to take advantage of you and your soulmate.” Your mother stroked your hair, “For now, let’s clean you up before you fall ill from being in the rain for so long.” 

For days you remained silent and opting to be left alone most of the time, you barely did the activities that reminded you of him. To the point where you neglect to look after Nora, now she’s more than just a means of transporting materials for construction of the winery. You refused to touch the books you read to him, nor did you attempt to sit at the same couch where the two of you spent the majority of your time in each other’s presence. Your mother takes notice of your melancholic state as she always has a clue on what to manipulate in the very estate she designed before you were born.

With a flick of her fingers, the couch was out of your sight and was burned with smoke reaching the sky and can be seen from the windows in your bedroom. Albeit unusual to burn the furniture when it could’ve been donated in an orphanage in the village, you did not find enough care to make that remark as you lay in your unruly bed all day until the supper was made. It took a week for you to receive a letter you desire yet despise at the same time, you knew who the letter came from just from seeing the color of the parchment. 

After picking up the letter, you ran towards your room and locked yourself inside before finding the courage to open it. You cannot prevent the tears from spilling your eyes before you even try to read the contents.

Dear ______,

First and foremost, I sincerely wanted to ask for forgiveness. Though I cannot explain that much why I agree for this to happen, and all I could ever offer you is an apology for betraying you like this. It may seem that I did not care about you all this time, but that is far from the truth. 

Please believe me that I still love you, 

You quickly crumpled the paper as you read the same words that always left your heart defenseless, no matter how broken it is as of this moment. Yet an idea passed your mind as you were about to gather the letters he wrote for you from the drawer, which will add onto the fire currently consuming the couch outside. Your feet padded out of your room and towards the staircase when you heard the voices of your parents upon the door left ajar in your father’s study.

“You mean ______’s soulmate was coerced to sign the vow from Bonhwa?” Your mother’s hushed voice asked her spouse.

Your father nodded, “Who else could Kang go to when he did the same thing to his own wife, though she also had no soulmate when they met. Bonhwa’s herbal medicine is merely a curtain for her to practice witchcraft, she seems to be an expert on how to play the fate of soulmates whenever she’s given a chance.” 

“How is she not driven from the village, then?” Your shaky voice reached the ears of your parents when you made your presence known by the door. Their horrified faces knew how the truth would unfold for you, and they cannot foresee what you’re already planning inside your mind.

“She is a powerful witch, Bonhwa. And the people will not deny her prowess in creating potions that could cure, thus saving our village from deadly diseases that affected other towns nearby,” Your father explained simply. 

The question your parents dreaded to answer truthfully was the next thing that came out from your mouth, “What is the vow you’re speaking of?” 

Your parents turned to each other, planning on how to break the truth slowly, your mother started, “I don’t know exactly the name of the vow given by her, but it is powerful enough to make a person you choose to become your soulmate, even if they weren’t destined for you to begin with.” 

The letters you’re currently holding in your hands began to tighten, “Where to find her--”

“I forbid you to seek this witch, ______.” your father was quick to interrupt, standing up from his chair as he approached you, “We can find someone else for you,” 

“I just want my soulmate back, father.” You sobbed into your occupied hands, thoroughly wetting the letters and the ink of promises Jungkook has written. 

Your father sighed, holding your hands together, “Believe me when I tell you that Bonhwa cannot undo what she has casted, dear. As I heard from Kang Daeshim, it is permanent.”

Your thoughts loomed over your head as you burned the letters one by one, the casted fire illuminated the area as the sun went down deep from the forest. The area where the fire has been burning made it easy for some of the village people to question what was happening in the Park’s estate when they see smoke kissing the sky during the day. Especially the person you longed to love and hate at the same time was able to see you from afar as he sat upon the branch of the tree near the entrance of the property, finding you burning the letters he made for you. 

Jungkook, while having the freedom to act like a noble within Kang’s manor, is still willing to perform tasks that Mr. Kang wanted him to do. Instead of running errands, he was rather forced to spend his time with Kyungmi more. Unlike you, Kyungmi insists on doing activities that taught him how to act like a proper royalty who’s about to become an heir to a non-existent throne, but little did he know he was about to be given the chance to become an heir since Kyungmi established that she will not participate in their family business. 

Everything about the mining sector of the industry bored her so much, instead she wanted to act as a perfect housewife and dream of building a family when she found someone to marry. Mr. Kang could not detest his daughter’s wishes, and resumed to find the perfect candidate to be her significant other. Kang Daeshim never misses the stare his daughter gives to Jungkook every now and then, it was the same eyes his wife would give him. In addition to seeing Kyungmi secretly liking your soulmate, an epiphany came over him when a night spent with Jungkook showed that he has the same fascination about the industry and the family business in general.

It was like hitting two birds with one stone. 

Prior to being invited to join their vacation months ago, he was also invited to visit someone with Kyungmi’s father at a time close to midnight. The question Kang Daeshim dropped while they were on their way in the village made him ponder about his family, “How would you like to inherit the family business, perhaps bring your parents to comfort while no longer serving for us?” 

Mr. Kang added, “I heard that your older brother’s planning to establish a restaurant, you can help him instantly. It’s not like the Park’s could give you money just because you are their daughter’s soulmate when they are busy doing their winery. Remember your responsibility to your own family, Jungkook. Family comes first.”

The last three words Mr. Kang spoke struck his mind, it is expected for soulmates to devote most of their time once they are joined in matrimony. However, it is not fair for him to lavish in the wealth while his family continues on with what life the heavens gave them. He wanted them to live the same life he experienced once he met you as his soulmate: no longer will her mother tire her hands and instead she will find the time to read the books she wanted to at any time of the day, no longer will her father work hard under the heat of the sun, tending to the stables and taking care of the lavished garden when he can help with the business. 

The thought of becoming wealthy was a dream that became alive again, longing to build a big house made of stones and other materials to last for more than one generation of the Jeon family. He was eager to give his affirmation to be Kang Daeshim’s apprentice, but at what cost?

“Where are we going?” Jungkook softly interrogated the older man in front of him, his eyes looking for any answers in his stare. 

“I’m about to give you the will to decide what happens next.” was all Mr. Kang could answer as the carriage came to a halt, right in front of Bonhwa’s bungalow. 

When he returned that night, he couldn’t bear the guilt that he had done. More so when he has been persuaded strongly by the thought of his parents and his dear brother. He was enslaved to the fact that he could become the son his parents would’ve wished to have in this lifetime, in return he had to give up someone precious to his heart. You. 

But then you recalled what Mr. Kang said to him after signing the vow, “Do whatever you want in your next life, I just want my daughter to be happy for once during this lifetime. This is just a small sacrifice on your part, and I’m sorry that it has to be like this.” 

The only flaw that came with the vow was that it is only permanent in one lifetime, but not in the next. He just prayed to the heavens above to grant him a way back to you whenever he’s about to be reincarnated in the next lifetime. 

I’m sorry, ______. Jungkook kept replaying in his mind when he found you at the evening party regarding the engagement. The word of apology, while being simple, holds a lot of unspoken emotions he felt as he attempted to visit your estate the days after the celebration. However, he was denied entry but rather was given a chance to write everything he wants to say to you into a letter. Probably the last letter he would have written and read by you. He was mistaken with what he had thought you would do as he saw you burning the letters he probably wrote to you into ashes. 

You noticed that you and him were still the talk of the village a week after the incident where you found out that your soulmate was not yours anymore. But you didn’t come into the townsquare to ask them for their pity, you were there for your own personal reason. 

It was explained to you that there was nothing that can undo the vow. Even so, no one told you that the witch can help you in other ways. Thus, you resorted to speaking to shop owners who are supplied by the witch--Lady Bonhwa’s herbal medicines. You did not like suffering from heartache all this time, when the diversional activities provided to you by your parents and your family’s servants remained futile to uplift your mood for the past few days. And now, you are determined to seek more information about this Bonhwa who can help you forget your feelings for your soul-- for him. 

“All I have heard was that she lives on the outskirts, rarely goes into the village.” one person told you as he was busy wrapping up the vegetables he sold to his customers, “I think Mr. Ong might know where she lives as he is the one who delivers the bottles of medicine at the beginning of every month.” 

You sighed, stubbornly thinking that you cannot wait for two weeks more to resolve this hurt, “Then where does Mr. Ong lives? Can I visit him?” 

The person sighed before calling for his son inside his shop, “Please help Lady ______ towards Mr. Ong’s house--”

“Is a horse required to get to him as soon as possible?” You interrupted, eyes filled with determination. 

“Bring a horse,” he muttered to you and to his son. Not long and you and him, whose name is Kim Namjoon, are one step closer to knowing where Lady Bonhwa resided. 

Namjoon can’t help but prod a question, “Why are you desperate to see Lady Bonhwa?” followed by a noise made from his brown horse. Though his pet is no match to the height of the black horse you’re sitting on. It was your father’s. 

“I think she has something I need to cure what I’m feeling right now.” You explained, and then added, “I’m pretty sure you have heard of what transpired between the two powerful families in this town.” 

“I do,” Namjoon confirmed, “Have you acquired an unknown disease that Lady Bonhwa has the answer to resolve?” 

You breathe out, “Yes, she probably has the answer I need.” 

With his guidance, he informed you that you two have arrived to Mr. Ong’s abode. Vegetation surrounding his house as you see the familiar face of the man you saw in the newspaper years ago, it was now the man who delivers these herbal medicines from Bonhwa. 

“What are you kids doing here, the sun is about to go down and it is dangerous for a lady like you to be out at this time of the hour.” Mr. Ong was quick to reprimanded your presence, knowing that you are the daughter of the Park’s family. You and Namjoon were quick to go down your horses. 

“I’m here to ask directions to the wi--Lady Bonhwa’s house, I heard that you know where she resides.” You reasoned.

Mr. Ong looked scornful, “Why would you need Miss Bonhwa’s address? What’s your business with her?”

You stuttered, trying to find a clear reason for him to give you her address, but Namjoon was quick to answer for you, “She doesn’t feel so well, I think it is best for Bonhwa to see ______ herself for a proper inspection, and perhaps she’d be given a proper medicine for her condition.” 

“Yes, yes. That.” You nodded with Namjoon’s statement. 

The old man sighed, turning around and approaching the doorway to gather a piece of folded paper from inside his home, he indicated you to open your palms before placing the paper he had memorized from the countless times he delivered the same medicinal bottle he called a miracle. “This is the map to her house, though she is not expected to be back until tomorrow night. It is best to visit her the day after tomorrow so she can take a good look at you, Lady ______.”

You thank the old man, as well as Namjoon, while the two of you are on your way back to the populous area of the village before the sun fully sank into the horizon. Furthermore, Namjoon insisted to escort you back to the gates of your estate to ensure your safety as you’ve given him a little sack of gold for his service the whole afternoon. Though he wants to deny the gift, you insisted for him to keep it. “You can use the money however you’d like, it’s yours.” You told him before you entered your family’s property. 

Truthfully, you haven’t been sleeping well these past few days after gaining the map from Mr. Ong. Not even the calming drink of tea could ever put you to sleep without waking up crying terribly in the middle of the night. In your dreams, you have always recalled the first time you met Jungkook. But then your imagination will slowly unravel to him letting go of your hand and opting to interlace his hands with Kyungmi’s. The once doe eyes that made your heart flutter resorted to look cold and void of any emotions for you. Prior to waking up, the last thing you have seen was them sharing a kiss at the end of the church’s altar. Causing you to soak your pillows with tears and clutching the center of your chest from the pain the nightmare put you into.

You dearly wished for the winery to finish their first fermentation of wine so you could drink yourself to sleep instead. Though it will guarantee you a smack on your head from your mother in the early morning. 

Now, all you could do is to wait for the night to fall. Where you would sneak outside and begin making your way on the road to seek for the witch who can silent your heartache permanently, perhaps the magic she’ll be casting will stretch more than one lifetime of yours. The past nights where you can’t sleep were only utilized by you in memorizing every turn the horse would make when you are out there. Granted, you never know much about the roads, if the heightened bushes already rendered you brainless from knowing your way out of Kyungmi’s gar-- 

Wait. You should not even think about the damn garden next to their manor. You focused on yourself, trying to give enough talks to yourself that you can navigate the roads all by yourself with only the guidance of the map. Maybe your intuition and sense of direction, if you have any. 

You were sure that your parents were busy supervising the operations of their winery tonight, and so you took advantage to sneak a horse from the stables and leave the vicinity of your estate when darkness started to consume the sky and the streetlights were kindled for safe traveling in the dark. As instructed in the map, you need to find the narrow road just near the center of the village as it provided a much precise direction compared to other main roads taken by merchants and travelers. 

The clouds that simply loomed over the town began to rumble when you reached the populous area of the village, you kept your face hidden from the hooded cloak as you turned your horse towards the road less taken. Though at that moment the rain started to pour down, which leaves the people outside to find refuge in nearby shops leaving a few people who started to get soaked in the rain. 

And one of those people is someone you despise to look at right now, but his doe eyes were persistent to look at your hooded figure even if the rain should make it harder for him to recognize you. The fact that his eyes were trying to get a hold of you only pushed you to pressure the horse into galloping instantly and create distance from him, hoping that he will never attempt to follow you. But the distressed sound of another horse from behind foiled your plans. 

While the distance between you and him are currently rising, Jungkook was forced to make hurried steps to unlatch a horse from Kyungmi’s carriage. He turned deaf from the cries of his fiancé inside the vehicleas he tried to undo the straps, however it did not budge. So his next plan, albeit cruel, was to find another horse nearby. From where he stood, he sees Namjoon soaked in the rain and  clutching onto the ropes attached to his brown horse as he silently offers Jungkook to use his pet as a means to follow you. 

It took you thirty minutes to navigate the roads, even if the rain tried to obscure your vision. When you thought you could outrun him, he always seemed to catch up to your horse’s hurried pace. Of course, even after those years you spent to practice horseback riding, you could never beat your mentor who’s currently tailing your horse’s steps. Your best bet was to lose him through the thick trees beside the road, and so you directed your horse to enter the forest. It was further instructed in the map that Bonhwa’s bungalow was nestled into the forest rather than being out in the open at the side of the road. You only pray to the heavens that it was her place that you see kilometers away, or else you’ll be lost inside the woodland for the rest of the night.

You quickly hopped down from the saddle and hurriedly knocked at the door of the bungalow, and in just one blink you were standing in front of Miss Bonhwa, “What seems to be the hurry, Park ______?” 

Knowing that you were running out of time, you ignored the query in your mind as to how she was able to figure out your full name, “It may seemed foolish for me to pray that you can undo a vow when I know the answer for that, but now I only request for something that could help me forget my feelings for my soulmate. Please, before he comes.” 

She sighed, “Kind of tricky what you’ve wanted from me, but fear not that I have made something close to what you desire.” A pounding on her door stopped Bonhwa from approaching the cabinet full of bottles and jars filled with colorful concoction she made for the sake of gaining experience. “Shall I allow your former soulmate inside my humble abode?” she directly asked you. 

You shook your head, internally blocking his voice from calling your name multiple times. A bottle was put in front of you on the wooden counter and she was about to talk, you were quick to uncork the bottle and started to drink its contents out of desperation and without prior instruction from the witch herself.

In the hazy mind of yours did you recall how frantic Bonhwa became, to the point where all the doors and windows turned unlocked while she placed her hands on her head. The next time your eyes fluttered, you see his face for the last time. Doe eyes with tears pouring past his cheeks as he has his arms around your back, trying to not let you fall to the floor. 

“What did you do to her?!” You heard Jungkook shouted to Bonhwa as she was preoccupied to find whatever antidote that could save you from the overdose from the potion you drank. 

“I did not predict that she would drink it in one go, only half a cup was already an effective dose to make her for--” she stopped when an epiphany came over him,

“Forget about me, isn’t it.” he managed to choke as he continued to witness the life in you withers away. His hand caressed your head before pulling your figure close to his chest, “I’m so sorry, my love.” 

“Try putting this in her mouth,” A small flask was handed over to him while he laid you down on the floor, prying your mouth open before spilling the translucent green liquid. Praying that you were able to ingest it before it’s all too late. 

Bonhwa’s fingers were attempting to feel your pulse at the side of your neck, finding that supposedly throbbing artery became thready in every passing second. You were losing your life, but the last thing you remember before you succumb to sleep was how you felt nothing for Jungkook anymore as you gaze at his dreamlike face. 

Year 20XX

Jeon Jungkook woke up with a gasp escaping his tired throat, his sweat seeping through his thin shirt as he recalled every detail in the nightmare he just had. 

Or a dream, if he might even consider in his mind. Because you appeared in his visions, his real soulmate.

You were the most important thing he noted in his mind as he struggled to find his journal full of lyrics he wrote for his songs on his nightstand, trying to attempt to write your full name before he forgets it. But how could he ever think of forgetting your face when it has been you who inspired him to become a better man before he broke your heart and trust in his past life. 

Now, his heart can be free from the chains that have weighed him down since he first found Kyungmi; or Kyungmi who managed to find him first in this current lifetime. 

Finally, he has the answer to the questions his fans would ask him. Why didn’t he write any songs particularly about his soulmate when countless artists like him worldwide have done at least one or two songs, expressing their love for their soulmate? It is because he was never destined for her in the first place, the gods above last night already gave him a sign pertaining to his real soulmate. Yet it was his foolish decisions from his past lifetime that put him astray. Away from you.

Now, he suffers from the repercussions of the choices he made in the past life. He remembered you dying in his arms due to the heartbreak he had caused you. Stories say that a soulmate’s broken heart was the worst pain any person could ever experience in the world. 

Jungkook’s regret was not saving you from your doom if only he had explained it to you in the first place, or that he never gave in to the manipulation of Mr. Kang. It was all his fault. Now, when remembering your face, especially the night in that bungalow managed to broke his heart oh so easily. Causing him to sob at his very own bed that morning while ignoring the sounds emitting from his phone nearby. 

After pitying his past life’s decision yesterday morning, a sense of determination came over him as he created plans in an attempt to find you around the country. But how would he do that without including the nosey public media at his tail. Though it’s not likely for him to knock at every door available in Seoul when there is a possibility that you might be residing in another country. He cannot even develop a concrete plan of action when his mind is a mess, even so if he was already washed up and ready to go outside when he didn't even know where to begin with. 

So he got rid of the jacket he wore and threw it back inside his closet, and opted to reach out for a pencil and a paper to start sketching your face. While he was not blessed to have any artistic skills from his past life, perhaps the gods above took pity and gave him one in this current lifetime as a way to find you. His musicality is an additional thing for him to consider as his job right now, a popular solo artist who’s about to break into the music industry in the west. Admittedly, he grew jealous of the love songs sung by other artists since he cannot find any inspiration to write one. Kyungmi didn’t give him enough reason to write one, but you however already inspired him to create meaningful lyrics while he was sketching your face. 

Maybe he can post his drawing on his Instagram, letting his dedicated fans to work as FBI agents to seek for you. Wait. It didn’t cross his mind to search you in Naver and in other social media apps when he was about to delegate such a sensitive task to strangers. He was quick to toss the pencil on his desk as he reached for the phone left in his jean pocket. Noticing how Kyungmi has been trying to reach him since yesterday, he swiped clear of his notifications before pulling up Instagram and typing your name on the search bar. Park ______.

If he was still Jeon Jungkook, then you must still be named as Park ______. 

To his dismay, a lot of people have the same name as you. In addition to his searches from other social media apps, your face was never used as a profile picture to make his search much easier. Damn, you’re a soulmate that’s harder to find. Yet his heart never ceased to lose hope as the mere sound of your name can make his heart flutter, imagine if he heard his name from your lips for a thousand years to come. 

A knock on his front door interrupted him from being consumed on the device in his hands, his feet padding towards the entrance of his expensive apartment while he’s still preoccupied with searching your name. 

“Jungkook, I’ve been calling and texting you for an hour. Why can’t you even answer it? A simple sentence like you’re preparing food would have sufficed,” Kyungmi whined as she welcomed herself into his home, “And now look at you, who can’t even look at his own soulmate or even greet her a kiss--”

“______’s my soulmate, not you.” He muttered, interrupting Kyungmi from her daily ranting. Though she was typically a blabbermouth and would keep on speaking, he finds it odd that her mouth halted from his statement. It made him avert his eyes from his phone to her, his eyes searching for answers upon hers when she frozen, sitting on his couch. “How long have you known?” he suspiciously asked. 

Kyungmi only managed to stammer, “I-I didn’t know you would ever recall ______,” 

“Why did you lie to me when you insist that I’m your soulmate?” he prodded further, angry at the fact that he is still being controlled by her and her past father with the vow that was supposedly expiring in this lifetime. 

“Even if we weren’t originally soulmates, I fell for you,” Kyungmi fought back, with tears spilling from her eyes and ruining her mascara, “Is it bad to love someone like you, Jungkook? I thought we do not need that vow anymore since we are still bound to each other when we are reincarnated. And I didn’t know you would still remember ______.” 

“Not if you know that they are already happily taken, Kyungmi!” He shouted, before raising his hands on his hair and gripping on it. “You know I was happy with ______, since we were children. At least you could have explained that to me when we met years ago.”

He breathed, sitting on the adjacent seat, “I need to find her. I’m sorry to do this right now but I want you to know that I still love her, Kyungmi.” 

“More than you loved me?” She harmlessly asked a question both of them knew the answer to. She watched him stand up and disappear from his bedroom, only to appear back again looking like he’s ready to leave her alone in this apartment, the same place where she used to spend most of her free time bathing in the love Jungkook used to provide to her. Albeit, it never amounted to the way he used to love you before, but it was better than having nothing at all. 

After all, she loves him more than he ever loved her and so she tells him, “I’ll help you find her.” 

Jungkook paused from opening the door of his apartment, “Why would you do that when it will only hurt you?” 

“Because I love you too much to see you suffer on your own, trying to seek for ______. This is the least I could do for you.” Kyungmi then stood from her seat and approached him at the foyer, managing to unhook the bucket hat hanging near the door and a reusable face mask. A celebrity disguise, “You need these first before you step out of this apartment. Where do you start looking for her? Do you have any idea what place?”

“I’m planning to seek the witch that made this change possible in the past.” he mumbled, “I’m sure we’re in the same country as Bonhwa.” 

His instincts and vivid memory made Jungkook drive towards the outskirts of Seoul city . . . Call him crazy that he’s still expecting the same bungalow to appear even when they’re already in the 21st century, her name was enough for him to assume that the witch is a Korean citizen. Kyungmi, however, was clueless to the bungalow’s appearance and this so-called witch when in the past she had never visited her like her father does. To think that it was all her father’s scheme to lure Jungkook into becoming hers, when she’s already satisfied to see you and him together from afar. 

She wasn’t the type of person to steal someone and defy the destiny that has already been written for them, though she can justify that she went along due to the fact that Jungkook chose her instead of you. But in this lifetime, he now chooses you more than ever. Wanting to fulfill the destiny, the future he promised to you that he was never given the chance to complete before. 

A shabby bungalow then appeared right before her eyes, catching Jungkook’s attention. His foot immediately stepped on the brake to take a closer look. It’s not like there are cars behind him to take his time examining the house standing beside the road instead of being engulfed by the thick tree branches behind the property. 

It took him a minute to find a parking space beside before stepping out of his car with Kyungmi, he then proceeded to knock on the door and patiently waited for someone from the inside to open it. “This place looks like before, though I haven’t visited her when there’s still daylight long ago.” he talked to himself, and perhaps to Kyungmi standing behind him who’s currently busy ridiculing the anterior of the bungalow. Both of them started to hear voices nearing the front of the door before it opened from the inside. 

“______.” Kyungmi was the first one to call your name, but your eyes however focused upon the man blocking the doorway from the outside. Jungkook. He was surprised when he saw you right where he found you fighting for your life in the past. What were you doing here? 

He cannot decipher what you were feeling when you see him again in a new life. He thought you were ecstatic to see him again, expecting for you to have the mutual feeling of wanting to redeem the love you have for each other as soulmates. Were you trying to find him also? 

“What are you doing here, ______?” Jungkook managed to ask you, snapping you out from your thoughts as you never blinked since you saw his face today. 

The way his name slipped your mouth made his heart flutter, like the way you first looked at him when you were 8-years-old inside the hedge labyrinth. It was his turn to seek for you, and now he had found you. 

Yet your cold voice brought him back to reality, “None of your business.” It was easy for you to nudge his heart out to the side like it didn’t matter to you. Like he was not your soulmate to begin with, reminding him that it was too late for redemption. 

“Can we talk,” He reached for your hand, feeling the surge of spark travelling through his arm when his skin made contact with yours, “please?” 

“I spent many years waiting for you to find me and explain things, Jungkook. It seems that you’re here to redo the vows with Kyungmi, I have nothing to do in your life anymore.” You told him, yanking your arm from his grasp, “You can breathe easily now that I am no longer significant in your life.” 

“What do you mean?” 

You sighed, looking at the approaching vehicle from the road. “All I’m saying is, I am now allowing myself to move on from you. No longer will I allow the gods above to dictate who should I end up with when I can choose that person myself. Like you did.” 

“But I’m here to fix everything, ______.” He reached to cup your face, forcing you to look at him, “I am not here to redo the vow but to break it, I thought that Bonhwa would give me a clue where to find you today. Instead, fate led me instantly to who I am looking for. You.”

“Tell me what can I do to fix this.” Jungkook begged you, tears blurring his vision when he didn’t notice that there was already someone behind him who’s waiting for you to come home with them. 

“______.” Kim Taehyung called for your name, the person who you have chosen to love now. He might not be your soulmate, but he showed you the kind of love you missed from experiencing since you died early in your past life. Taehyung heard of who he is while he’s trying to mend your heart years ago, though he did not expect it was Jungkook you were talking about. 

“Maybe in another lifetime, Jungkook. For now, let me love who I choose to love.” Your eyes can’t help but also teared up, seeing his face again. You were sure that your heart does not yearn for him anymore, voided of any lingering feelings for him. However, he still has an effect on you . . . sadly, it was not strong enough for you to consider being with him again, thinking that there might be a time in the future where he would walk out of your life again. 

Jungkook was a fool, falling for a trick from the gods above. When they led him to you so easily, he never thought that they only led him to his heartbreak. If this is what you felt when you see him engaged to Kyungmi that particular night, then he must’ve deserved the pain and torment you have experienced while being apart from him after those events. “I want to fight for you, yet I don’t want to be a hindrance to you finding love in this lifetime. But I’m willing to wait for you, ______.” was all he could ever tell you before letting you go. 

Kyungmi took a step forward, “I’m sorry, ______. For not fighting against my father’s plans back then.” You only nodded, accepting the apology that came out of her mouth before being guided by Taehyung towards their waiting vehicle at the side of the road. 

Acting like his closest friend and not his soulmate, Kyungmi comforted Jungkook that day. Apart from that, they did not miss the opportunity while being in Bonhwa’s bungalow to break the vow and unleashed the chain that bound them together. 

While she was off to find a new person who can potentially become her new soulmate, he was busy singing songs about you in a different context. Hoping to reclaim himself and hoped that his soulmate decided him to be worthy as your soulmate in the next life, just like the way destiny has written his unending love for his one and only soulmate.

You. 

Thank you for reading! For more of my works: m.list

[aellynera]

Word of  Mouth (Santiago Garcia x Reader)

WORD OF MOUTH

(This has been sitting in my WIPs for-ev-errrrr and I finally got in the mood to finish it, since I haven’t written Santi in a while and I missed him. It’s nothing too involved, just a slice-of-life kind of deal, but I do like the way it turned out. Comments, likes, and reblogs always appreciated!)

I think this one came out as GN!Reader (I’ve read over it a few times but if I’m wrong please let me know.)

Word Count: 2340

Summary: It’s not that Santiago is mad about it, exactly; it’s more that he doesn’t like the way it happened.

Warnings: Some cursing. Some angst. Some fluff. Argument. Two people being stubborn. As always possible lack of proofreading.

Santiago comes off duty and returns to your on-base housing, and he stays quiet for far too long. Usually he greets you with a kiss, or at least a hello, but this time he doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t say a word as he goes into the bedroom, peels off his fatigues, and changes into a plain black t-shirt and plain khaki cargo pants.

He doesn’t say a single word.

“Um, hello to you too,” you call out, getting up to follow him. “How was your day?”

He just shrugs and shakes his head slightly. You get the same response when you ask him if anything interesting happened today, how training went, or if he’s hungry.

You haven’t seen him for most of the day, different assignments and different meetings keeping you apart while on duty, but you just know. From his silence and the way he’s acting, you just know. You’ve been trying to find the right way to bring it up, the right time to mention it, and clearly, that time is going to be now whether you like it or not.

He’s found out.

Even when different assignments keep you apart, you do work on the same base and everyone knows you’re together, even if you never officially said anything. It’s really no one’s business but it’s not really a secret, and you live together, so people just assume. And anything work-related was never unknown for long. Word has gotten back to Santiago, and from the looks of it, it has also gotten to him.

The fact that you can’t actually read his expression is what concerns you the most.

You sit down on the side of the bed and sigh again. “Frankie told you.”

Someone who had been in that early morning meeting with you, a particular someone Santiago identified as a best friend, certainty couldn’t keep it to himself. You make a mental note to have a very, very strict conversation with one Francisco “Catfish” Morales the next time you see him.

Santiago considers calling Frankie, so he can repeat exactly what he told Santiago this afternoon, after you’d already gone back home for the day. Instead he finally decides to answer you, his voice flat and dangerous.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“It’s my job,” you reply evenly.

“It’s your job if you get assigned to it,” he runs a hand over the back of his neck. “It’s not your job if you volunteer for it. That’s a choice.”

You furrow your brow at him. “Semantics.”

“Selection,” he responds, voice clipped.

You rest your head on your fingertips, four on your forehead and thumb on your cheekbone. “I’m the best person for this mission. and.. it’s not like it’s never come up before. We’ve had this conversation, Santi, we’ve talked about this exact scenario, and you even said that no one was more…”

Santiago raises an eyebrow. “Hypothetical and actual are not the same thing.”

“So, hypothetically, I’m not actually qualified to do this?”

“Actually, you should let someone else be the flag-waver this time.”

“The flag-waver?”

“What, now this hypothetically has nothing to do with being a goddamn hero?”

Your head snaps up and your eyes narrow at him. He glares in return.

“Actually,” you start, but Santiago’s short, humorless laugh cuts you off.

This time, your words drag through the tension like dull razors through styrofoam. “Actually,” you repeat, “this has zero to do with being a fucking hero and everything to do with the fact that no one else could get this done the right way and it is my goddamn duty to do what I signed up for.”

“There is no right way that this isn’t going to be an absolute shitshow.” The venom in his voice is like ice in your veins.

“Thank you for having so much faith in me and my abilities, Santiago.”

Silence falls on the room for a few long minutes as you both fight to check your emotions. You understand he’s angry - and maybe scared, although he’ll never admit it - and he knows you’re absolutely right on all accounts - although he is not ready to admit it.

You break the silence, voice tuned down and level. “Look, I wanted to tell you myself, but I didn’t see you all day. I didn’t want you to find out like this. Frankie shouldn’t have gotten involved. But I am going on this mission. I...I don’t want you to be mad about it.”

He looks at you for a moment, and this time you can read his expression, but it almost makes it worse. It’s a combination of worry, sadness, understanding, and yes, traces of anger. It’s not a look that suits him. 

You shift in your spot on the edge of the mattress.

“I’m not mad. I’m disappointed,” he says softly, then turns and walks from the room.

Oh. Shit.

***

The rest of the evening passes in a thick, uncomfortable silence. It’s been hours since your confrontation in the bedroom, and the fullness of night has fallen without a single other word being spoken between you.

You spend the night in bed alone, and Santiago makes himself mostly uncomfortable on the couch.

Morning breaks and you pull yourself from the confines of the comforter. Not that you had been sleeping very well anyway. It was warm under the covers, temperature wise, but it somehow felt so cold, and you haven't slept well. Your mind refused to calm down.

You shower and dress, going through your morning routine almost on autopilot. As you wash your face and glance into the mirror, one side of your mouth pulls up into a sad smirk as you recall Santiago’s last words from the night before.

Not mad, disappointed.

Your parents used to say that, when you’d done something against the rules, potentially stupid, and possibly morally questionable. It always seemed to hurt more than actually having them be mad at you, and you wince as you realize adulthood has done nothing to change that feeling.

You and Santiago have your fair share of arguments. Usually they’re not serious, even kind of playful. You both like to talk and you both like to be right, so a little verbal battle isn’t uncommon. But you’re still running the previous night’s...it wasn’t a conversation, but was it really a fight? Was it even an argument? No category really seems to fit, and this one just feels different.

You go downstairs and expect to find Santi on the couch, it’s still early, but as soon as you hit the bottom of the steps, the smell of freshly brewed coffee assaults your nose. 

He hands you a mug full of the dark brown liquid as you enter the kitchen. You take it with a nod of thanks and he nods back. But he still doesn’t say a word.

It’s a good sign though. At least, you hope it is, anyway.

You sip from your mug as he turns back to the stove, pushing some stuff around in a frying pan. It smells like bacon and potatoes and your stomach grumbles in protest, and you’re not sure but you think you can see the corners of Santi’s mouth turn up just a little.

Also a good sign. Maybe.

You sit down at your usual spot at the table and play with the handle on the mug. You offer him a singular glance and then stare back into your drink. Clearly he’s not going to be the one to talk first. You sigh.

This is not the first time he’s done this. Santiago is a good man, the best you know, and he’s honorable and decent and so fucking kind, but if there’s one thing you’ve learned since living with him, it’s he’s damn stubborn and can be a petulant brat when he wants to. And in typical macho hero Santiago Garcia style, he will not be the first one to cave after an argument, especially when he thinks he’s right.

You’ll give him shit for it later, when all the animosity has worn off, but for now, you’re going to have to cut the tension. You’ve never been good with silence and it’s only been one night and now this brief bit of morning and it’s starting to get to you.

And okay, maybe you’re not always the best at communicating with him, either. So you’ll be the first to break, this time.

You sigh again. “Santi…”

He turns his head slightly, away from his work at the stove, and glances at you. An eyebrow goes up.

“Are we going to talk about this? For real?” you ask.

He shrugs and turns back to the contents of the pan.

A frustrated growl erupts from your chest as you push your chair back and take the three steps over to the stove. You grab the handle and push the pan off the heat, snapping the burner off as you do, and then whirl and stare at Santi. He narrows his eyes and takes a step back, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter by the sink.

“Please say something to me,” you bite out. God, he’s so frustrating sometimes. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first, but you cannot be upset with me for doing my goddamn job. For doing what I signed up to do. Just...fucking talk to me. Please.”

This time it’s Santi who sighs, and he runs a hand through his hair and massages a spot on the back of his neck. “I told you, I’m not mad.”

“Okay,” you nod, “but you really also can’t be disappointed.”

“I’m not.”

“You can’t just be...wait, what?”

“I said,” he says, uncrossing his arms slowly and reaching for one of your hands, “I’m not.”

You just blink at him and bite your bottom lip.

“I just...I don’t like the thought of you being out there without me.” Your mouth opens to retort but he holds up a hand to stop you, and you close it again and he continues. “I know you can do this, I know you’re totally capable and you can handle yourself, you could probably kick my ass on any given day in sparring, but...I just…” his voice trails off and he turns to stare out the kitchen window.

You squeeze his hand firmly and pull his attention back to you. He looks so handsome, his hair still tousled slightly from sleep and his t-shirt wrinkled from being on the couch all night, but he also really does look troubled and it makes your heart drop. “What is it, Santi?”

“There’s always a danger with any mission,” he says softly. “And it just kills me that I can’t protect you. I just want to protect you and have you come back safe.”

Then he’s pulling you into his arms and burying his face in your neck, and you feel wet spots on your collarbone and it makes tears prick at your eyes too. Santi shakes slightly in your arms and you whisper soft, soothing words into his hair.

He’ll never admit it, but you know. He’s scared.

Because he’s not wrong. This mission has the potential to go sideways and tits-up at the same time, and then flip over backwards for good measure. And you have to admit, although you’re not going to admit it to him because that would likely make it so much worse, that you’d give anything to have him on this mission with you. But you can’t. You can just do your job and do it well, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. 

A common mantra in your line of work. One that you always stick to.

But you have so much more to lose this time, and Santi does too, and your breakfast is forgotten as you take him by the hand and drag him back up to your bedroom. You lead him to the bed and lie down on your side, pull him down with you, and curl up into his side. He just wraps his arms around you and holds on like you’re a lifeline.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

He shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to come back to you,” you trace your fingers over his dog tags.

“I know,” he kisses under your ear.

You hope you’re telling the truth. He hopes you’re telling the truth. You both hold each other like it might be the last time, even though it won’t because you’re not leaving for several days, but you’re both acutely aware that you have no way of actually knowing when it might really be the last time.

So you just hold each other silently for a while, until a thought occurs to you and you huff out a gentle laugh.

“What?” Santi asks you, peering at you with heavy lids and stupidly long lashes.

You lean up to kiss him on the nose. “Wanna help me run some strategy?” 

His answer is cut off by the very insistent complaint from your stomach. He quirks an eyebrow. “Wanna have a breakfast meeting?”

You giggle. “Probably a good idea.”

Santi plants a kiss on your lips and then gets up, holding out a hand to pull you off the bed and you stand, stretching your arms over your head. He goes to the doorway and says, “I’ll go finish making the food. Meet you at the table in 20, Lieutenant.”

“Sure thing, Captain,” you smile at him.

He moves to leave, and then calls out, “Oh, and Lieutenant?”

“Yes, Santiago?” you roll your eyes, another giggle escaping your lips.

He sticks his head back in the door, just for a moment, just long enough to take all of you in with a look of adoration, and mouths the words “I love you.” Then he turns and goes downstairs.

And you know you can handle - no, you will handle - anything that might happen, and your heart soars.

~end~

Taglist:  @anetteaneta @autumnleaves1991-blog @be-the-spark-flyboy @deeandbobbymcgee @huxdameron @itspdameronthings @jitterbugs927 @littlebopper96 @michaelperry @nathan-bateman @poedjarin @rosemarysbaby13 @santiagogarcia @sergeantkane @spider-starry @woakiees @writefightandflightclub @veuliee2 @yourbucky084 @waatermelon-sugaar

Santiago taglist: @millllenniawrites @the-fifth-marauder-03

>>join my taglist here<<

[tomatograter]

hey dirkjake guy , what makes you so interested in dirkjake so much ?

if I were to answer this with total accuracy we would be here all day and i’d have to hand you a 60 page peer reviewed thesis but since I don't have that time and i’m assuming you also don’t; There’s a LOT of things to work with if you read dirkjake as more than just… a vehicle for dirkcentric character angst. And they’re pieces actively embedded in the story! That matter! I like building fanwork around a textual basis and these two quite literally go as far back as being part of the guardians setting up SBURB beta in Act fucking 2. You can mine motifs until you’re dead. Here’s a contained, though by no means complete, list of things I particularly like about them:

1) Dirk and Jake both have highly imperfect experiences with their own gender/sexuality, partly out of societal pressure and partly because the story has decided what they ought to be. You've got two gay characters who are both a man in the WRONG way; Dirk overcompensates masculinity so hard he thinks of himself as too brash, imposing, damaging, nearly sizzling arsenic. Jake is expected to be the most perfect dude that has ever Het'd and fails in every feasible way because its not who he's comfortable being. He's not a wife-hunting casanova, He's just kind of a blatant useless fruit. Each of them thinks the other has it together and is doing sooooooooo much better than themselves, though.

I like that even though the adoration is mutual, the relationship is not smoothed out. It's not perfect from the get-go, and it's easier to make it awkward before making it good. We see them at their most immature, they have plenty of flaws, and they're extremely self-sabotaging in the way that isn't "cute" (or romantically convenient) but rather realistically concerning. I like seeing them working through it & maybe relapsing & putting in the effort to be better. They mean a lot to each other but have no idea how to go about it without putting on a show, it's comical to the point of being endearing. 

...And they're still the one person that makes the other feel like more than just a sum of poorly stitched frankenstein parts. 

2) Moving onto The Cringe Axis Of Relevance: Dirk and Jake are inextricable from the overarching plot and cyclical nature of Homestuck itself, Dirk as a motivator and Jake as a escapegoat. You could technically “pin” the “blame” of more than a dozen game changing plot events on them, and sometimes they’re not even aware of it. Beta Jake is HIC’s bastard child, a Dirk splinter is a core component of LE, Jake Harley translates the ancient runes in the frog temple containing the game code & is the one to release SBURB worldwide, eventually going on a time-displaced quest to get the game in motion; Ultimate dirk, funnily enough, is trying to do the exact same thing but much more shittily after borrowing one of Jake’s company ships and copying jadebot’s schematics for the purpose of making a robot daughter to forcefully restart Homestuck, The Webbed Comique, after its over. (Mom lalonde was Grandpa’s assistant & vaguely familial protégé, if you remember. Funny how that works!) And this is just like, in the text. Rose in the candy postscript directly drops it: 

I guess plagiarism is a backwards form of flattery :/

Alpha Jake in turn ends up flooded with promises of giving LE’s his first defeat, kickstarts a thousand little conflicts throughout act 6, brings dirk back to life with a kiss, sends the bunny back in time in the box (he was jade’s secret penpal that far back!), eventually only knocks caliborn on his ass because *Dirk* gets hurt in a fight, then it turns out davepeta is his sprite and actually the one fated to defeat the final boss, and that’s just the major stuff. Alpha Dirk & his dastardly AI-self messily usher the alphas into a new session, we only discover what the hell is up with alpha earth through dirk’s 20 page pesterlog gifted on jake’s birthday, Hal’s existence partly relies on Jake’s unending support- and so does Brain ghost dirk’s existence, for that matter. In big-scale and small-scale stuff alike, they’re tied up.

3) Overabundance of referential motifs: Homestuck is practically a big collage of character-relevant media. You can talk about things like some of jake’s favorite superheroes being similar to dirk, or how dirk and jake’s romance is jokingly compared to the Princess Bride via their planets/personalities/BGD literally quoting the movie and acting out the same sword movements, or how they both have a thing for artisanal puppetry, or how dirk is a history buff while jake is a time-displaced verbal oddity, or how Dirk's concerns with narrative philosophy and clean logic make him squarely Apollonian in certain lit terms & that is perfectly opposed by Jake's haphazard Dionysian approach! Or how Grandpa has an orange-lit room of knights and a replica of Iron Man’s armor (widely known for his fragile heart) to stand in for Dirk while Jake has his knight genre movie posters and dreams up dirk to serve the same role, or how the brobot, built with jake’s help, eventually has a nervous conniption and rips his heart out so it can be used as a battery - and while the moment is reminiscent of aradiabot's blue blood breakdown, the heart is actually the same kind grandpa had installed into jadebot; as both were created to protect someone dearly beloved.

Funny how that works x4

Or just how like, Jake fantasizes about Avatar while kissing a poster but mentally he's having an elaborate dream of putting Dirk in the role of the movie's lead to prove how Awesome And Perfect life can be. Or how brain ghost dirk tells jake he looks good when he's feeling like shit and jake, in turn, says his gay little prince outfit looks pretty sweet and not dumb at all, in a sort of covert pep-talk system covering for both of their masculinity hang-ups. That works too.

4) They're the only ship I can confidently compare to Shrek, the Movie, and make that into insightful commentary.

And lastly:

[readingreylo]

Christmas Fics

Moodboard by the incredibly talented @cruelerintentions

Here are some holiday themed Reylo Fic's to help us through the end of 2020.

Oh hey, these are all Modern AU ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Enjoy!

Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow by greyorchids | @grey-orchids | Explicit | 10k | One shot | Modern AU | Christmas | Enemies to Lovers | co-workers | Family Dinner | Author!Ben | Editor!Rey | Rey POV | Rey is an editor, eviscerating Ben Solo's novel. Their constant verbal sparring comes to a head when Rey is unexpectedly invited to Ben's Family Christmas dinner. Too much wine and too much tension leads to a steamy conclusion.

Dancing in a swirl of golden memories by hi_raeth | @eleanor-writes-stuff | Teen | 9k | One shot | Modern AU | Christmas | Ex-lovers | Fake-dating | Pining | Getting-back-togther | Rey POV | Ben needs a date to appease his parents this Christmas, his ex-girlfriend/kinda-friend Rey is down to help him out. | Normally ex-lovers isnt my jam but, oh my god, I absolutley love the backstory for these two.

A place to go by delia-pavorum | @delia-pavorum | Explicit | 52k | Complete | Modern AU | Snowed in | Christmas | Strangers to lovers | Sharing a bed | Cabincore | Canada | Multi POV | Rey is a teacher trying to have some peace and quiet over the holidays. Ben is a writer trying to run from his problems. They both end up snowed in at Luke's cabin. | This has got to be one of my all time favourite fics (top 5 for sure). Their dynamic is so engrossing and the charcterization and backstory feel so genuine. With beautifully written prose, an attention to detail that adds a richness and some *chef kiss* smut. I would pay money for this fic.

Blame it on the Mistletoe by deedreamer, HopelesslyReylo | @deedreamer | Explicit | 24k | Complete | Modern AU | Co-workers | Teachers | Christmas | Family Dynamic | Rey POV | Rey gets invited to her co-worker's christmas dinner which is promised to be filled with all things christmasy, it's a shame that she hates Christmas and is secretly crushing on said co-worker. | SO. WELL. WRITTEN. Great characterization (everyone! especially Leia), Great dialouge/banter! Steamy AF. Love the family dynamic! Very organic feeling story.

Baby, Please Come Home by v3ryvelvet | @v3ryvelvet | Explicit | 6k | One shot | PWP | Modern AU | A/B/O | Devoted Reylo | Office Party | Multi POV | Newly married (and mated) couple Rey & Ben get an unexpected suprise while Ben is at his Office Christmas party... (It's Rey's heat). | I was expecting this to be more fluffy rather than the insanely hot smut fest it is. And there is a tiny, hilarious cameo that made me cackle!

Mistle-Oh-No by KyloTrashForever | Explicit | 15k | Complete | Modern AU | Christmas | Mistaken identity | Enemies to lovers | Co-worker dynamic | Rey POV | Okay I thought this was gonna be straight up asshole Ben Solo but its smitten Ben Solo. Soft and fluffy with *chef kiss* flirting.

The Smash Before the Splash by HarpiaHarpyja | @thisgarbagepicker | Explicit | 27k | Complete | Modern AU | Christmas | Festivus | Co-workers | Office dynamic | Bets and wagers | Office xmas party | One-night-stand (sure jan) | Rey POV | Rey tries everything to convince office grump Ben Solo to participate in this year's polar plunge. She definitely bit off more than she can chew. | Well constructed, brilliantly written fic with great prose and dynamic characterization. The writting is so good halfway through I knew I was gonna have to look up this authors other works.

Silver and Gold by Daisyflo | @reylolujah | Explicit | 10k | Complete | Modern AU | Strangers to lovers | Buying-jewlery-instead-of-flirting | Rey POV | Leading up to Christmas Ben continuously returns to the little jewelry store Rey works in to buy more and more jewelry. | So adorable and fluffy!

Lessons & Carols by angharabbit | @angharabbit | Explicit | 7k | One shot | Modern AU | A/B/O | Christmas Eve | priest!Ben | Librarian!Rey | "Forbidden" love | Rey POV | It's Christmas eve and some asshole Alpha is ruining Rey's evening. Her petty revenge does not go as planned. Meanwhile Father Ben's shitty night takes an unexpected turn for the better. | Steamy and funny with great chemistry.

Moodboard by @cruelerintentions (her moodboards are gorgeous-- check them out!)

Tis the season...

Not necessarily Christmas themed, but some lovely fics set in the Winter.

The man, the stallion, and the wind by voicedimplosives | @voicedimplosives |Explicit | 17k | One shot | Modern AU | Strangers to lovers | Road trip | Snowed in | Sharing a bed | Alternating POV | While roadtripping across Canada, Rey picks up hitchhiker Ben who is running away from his problems. | Love, love, love this story. Well written with interesting backstory and steamy smut and delicious chemistry. And it's set in Canada too!

mountain at my gates by KyloTrashForever | Explicit | 26k | Complete | Modern AU | A/B/O | PWP | Snowed in | lumberjack!Ben Solo | Engineer!Rey | Tropes galore | Rey POV | Omega Rey gets stuck in the middle of nowhere with no suppressants, good thing woodsman Ben is there to help her out. You can guess where this is going.

Hanging by a Moment by crossingwinter | @shmisolo | Explicit | 44k | Complete | Modern-ish AU | 2000s | Funerals and Wakes | Strangers to lovers | Family Dysfunction | Chronic Illness | Angst with HEA | Misunderstandings | Ben POV | Ben comes home after years away for his father's funeral to deal with his gold-digger step mother. But nothing is what it seems, and this week away will turn his life upsidedown. | Another one of my all time favourite fics. The story, the tension, the emotion! Brilliantly crafted with great charcterization.

Happy Reading!