#it’s literally just regular level as far as music goes I’m sorry

[faithfromanewperspective]

‘ttpd is such a dark intense album covering such heavy themes’ you would not last an hour in any non pop genre of music

[mytrashs-blog]

Drunk On You- T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: SMUTTTTTT. Please do not read this if you’re under 18. The Smutty part is between this signs: [...] so if you want to skip over the smut, you can, but it won’t make much sense. Also... There’s A LOT of swearing.

Summary: You’re a virgin and you’re drunk so you send a risky DM on instagram.

Word Count: Almost 6k... she’s thicc

A/N: I cannot tell you just how much I enjoyed writing this! It started as a 2 am inspiration punch and then it took me three weeks to finish it. It’s my first time writing smut, so I don’t know if that part’s good, but I like it and I really hope you do too. (Please if you do like it, reblog it so it can be read by more and more people).

Masterlist

(Gif isn’t mine and I couldn’t track the author, so credits go to the owner)

Fuck this shit, you’re 22 years old, you’re in college and as much as you enjoy leaving fratboys with blue balls in the middle of a party, you need to get this over with. You’re tired of waiting for the “right guy”, if you keep on doing that you’ll end up virgin for your whole fucking life. But where the fuck can you find a guy that’s not gonna judge you for being a sad, drunk virgin in the middle of a tuesday night? Being drunk and alone at your dorm was pathetic enough…

So you scroll through instagram for a while only to find out there’s no right suitor for the job, but in the heat of the moment you notice that Tom Holland, yes the scrawny white boy that looks 12 and plays Spider-man has just posted a shirtless picture and boy, he does not look 12 anymore. So you slide into his DM’s just for the shit and giggles:

“Hey, Tommy boy!

You probably get millions of DMs like this every second of everyday, but fuck, I just wanted to say that you are extremely hot and I am extremely virgin and I’m also drunk, so I thought I’d write you to ask for a massive favor.

Would you have sex with me just to take my virginity away? Ok, thanks.

Bye!

P.S. I think you’re great in your new film.”

And yes, you did press send to that, but of course you don’t even remember writing it in the first place the next morning while getting ready for your 9am class, so your daily routine goes on as normal.

But then, while you’re making your best effort not to fall asleep while your professor talks about some depressed artist that beat his wife and was super sexist, but was somehow excused because he made some decent poem, you hear the unmistakeable ping of your phone, which can only mean that you got a text, so you go to see it, because that is far less rude than falling asleep during class, but you were surely not ready for what was showing on your phone screen.

All air, and life to be honest, left your body for a second, you double checked, and then triple checked and yes… Tom Holland had wrote you on instagram’s direct messages.

“Holy fuck” you only realize you said that out loud when the three people closest you turn to look at you and shush you, but you’re still in shock and still have not opened the message, but maybe it’s not a great idea to open it in front of everybody, specially your professor, so you figure the bathroom will be the best place to do it.

You lock yourself in a stall and sit down, get your phone out, take a deep breath and open the instagram message. My God, you were not expecting what your screen showed:

“Haha, this is too cool to ignore! I happen to be in your area right now… Give me a call and I’ll make it happen ;)”

And yes, his phone number was there too. The phone number of THE Tom Holland! like… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! What are the odds of him actually reading your DM? And the odds of him replying? And the odds of TOM MOTHERFUCKING HOLLAND agreeing to be your first time?! Someone up there must be having a good laugh.

But it would be rude to chicken out now, right? One does not simply say no to fuck with a Marvel actor. You gotta do it. It's your holy duty. So you reply with a simple “Looking forward to it” and you get your shit together before returning to your class.

You think about texting him while you walk to grab some lunch, but what do you say to a celebrity that agreed to deflower you?… Wait. Holy shit! You’re actually gonna have sex with Tom Holland! He’s super ripped! And you’re gonna see and feel all his bits and pieces… honestly, your panties got a bit damp just thinking about that. This is gonna be fun.

You decide to shoot the text while waiting for your iced coffee. “Hey, it’s (Y/N) from instagram. Are you serious about the thing? If so, when are you available?”

And that’s when the game begins, cause he replied almost instantly and you decided he’s just another fratboy playing around, so you played along.

“I’m dead serious, babe. I can do it tonight.”

“Nice. That’s how I like it… what time are we talking about?”

“9 ish, maybe 10.”

“Gotta give me an hour… also, it would have to be at yours, cause I live in a dorm that I share with another girl.”

“You could ask her to join…”

“Haha. Nah, this is all for me to enjoy.”

“And you will. 9:30 sounds good for you, babe?

“Perfect.”

“I can pick you up. Send me your location and I’ll go there.”

“Nice. I’m liking it already.”

“You’ll like it even more.”

You go about your day with a stupid smile all day, nervous and excited for what’s gonna happen later. Paying attention to class? What is that? Concentrating on your due projects? You don’t know her. All you can do is think about the things that man might do to you later.

Wait… you gotta shave. Also, should you go buy some nice underwear? It overwhelms you how unprepared you are and you run, abandoning everything you had to do that day to go get ready to have sex with a super hot celebrity.

You shaved, exfoliated, bought nice underwear, picked out a sexy outfit, you even tried to work out a little to look a bit more toned for him. You allowed your most extra self to come and shine, and you definetely enjoyed the process.

“What are you getting ready for? It’s wednesday. I doubt there’s any interesting party. Oh God! Do you have a date?” your roomate asked as soon as she saw you posing a skirt for the mirror when she walked in.

“I think so… I don’t know. I’m gonna meet this guy I met on instagram.” She gave you a corncerned look, but you were definetely not gonna tell her the details, that’s extremely private, it’s rude to tell people about celebrities intimate life, even if it’s with you. He didn’t mention anything about keeping it secret, but it would do a lot of harm to freely go around saying that he likes having sex with fans. It would ruin his privacy completely. At least from your part, you can guarantee no one’s ever gonna find out.

True to your word, you sent him your location an hour before the time you arranged and he called you, yes. HE CALLED YOU at 9:30p.m. on the dot to tell you he was outside and it took you a second to process the call, so much that you couldn’t voice anything more than an “Okay”… that basically ruined your super confident text attitude, and this was over the phone, would you even be able to get inside his car? The nervousness really hit you like a truck the second you hung up the phone, and your roomate noticed, but she didn’t say anything.

After taking a few deep breaths and counting to ten trying to calm yourself down, you get your purse and walk down the hallway and the stairs of the dorms and by the time you get to the main door, your legs are shaking like crazy and your palms are a little sweaty, so you gotta calm down again and remind yourself that this man is just a regular human being and that nothing has to happen if you don’t want to. And just like with tequila shots, you stop thinking and just go for it.

As soon as you see the car, you walk confidently towards it, and as he rolls down the window you can see it really is him, but you don’t let his face tear your confidence down, so you slightly smile and get in the car, it’s an extremely fancy car and you’re sure you’ve never set foot in anything this luxurious, honestly there’s no doubt that the seat your ass is resting on right now could easily be worth your entire college tuition and student loans. Okay, maybe that is an exageration, but it sure looks expensive.

“Hey, nice to finally meet you in person… I’m Tom!” he smiles in a polite and friendly matter, and you can see there’s a hint of nervousness in his smile aswell and that eases you a little because it confirms that he’s just as normal as you are.

“I’m (Y/N), pleasure to meet you. Thank you for agreeing to do this. I know it’s super weird and all, and I was definetely not expecting this outcome when I sent that message last night, but I’m grateful regardless…” you’re rambling, but he doesn’t seem to mind, he looks amused even. When you finally stop talking he drives away and you fall into a slightly uncomfortable silence, until he turns the music on and you recognize the song so you start humming along, and he joins, but other than that, there’s not much talking on the way to the apartment he’s staying at temporarily right now.

The place looks expensive, but it’s also very simply decored, it does look a temporary thing, but it also looks like a place where a single chaotic youn man exploded, so there’s empty beer bottles here and there, clothes literally everywhere and dirty dishes in the sink… but it does smell like cologne, very manly aswell… being at his place sets a whole new level of anxiety, because this is just so intimate. You’re inside his little world, his safe space, and even if it’s just for a brief moment you’re just happy that he agreed to do this with you.

“Do you want anything to drink? I have wine, beer and a spare champagne bottle from the other night… or just water. Please make yourself comfortable, sorry about the mess, I really don’t like cleaning.”

“That’s alright… you should see my dorm during finals week, that’s a whole other level of messy, haha… and wine would be great, thanks.” You’re slowly calming down and trying no to overthink about what’s about to happen and forget about the reputation of the man you’re doing it with, because the fact that he’s famous doesn’t mean he’s less human and maybe glorifying him for his job is a little rude from you. So you sit down in the couch, right next to a thrown blue hoodie, hold on a second… this is the one from Spider-Man: Homecoming, the one with the emblem of the highschool, shit, this is a historical piece of clothing for the cinematic world and you’re sitting right next to it. Shit, there goes all the progress you had made in the last fifteen minutes.

When he comes back with two glasses of wine in one hand and the bottle in the other one, you help him put down the stuff safely because he looks so stressed carrying the things and it is a small funny moment, before he sits down right beside you and it becomes impossible to get your words to come out of your mouth. So he takes the lead.

“Listen, I don’t want you to think I’m some sort of predator, okay? I don’t know why I agreed to do this, but it was not to take advantage of you, so if at any point you feel uncomfortable and you don’t wanna do this anymore, you can just tell me and we’ll call this off, okay.” He puts his hand on you knee to reassure you and it does make you feel better, and you relax into your seat  and just nod a little before speaking.

“Thank you” And it comes out like you’re breathing out in relief, and that’s when he leans in to kiss you and you take a deep breath before corresponding and taking the last step to seal your lips together.

Your mind just goes blank and you forget what you were nervous about in the first place, kissing Tom is not that much different than kissing any other guy, except for the fact that his lips are softer than most guys’, but this one does have to take care of himself, it is literally part of his job and it should not be that surprising that a guy takes basic care for his appearance, but it is nice.

[…]

The kiss moves in a nice rythm and his hands start sliding from your knee to your waist and he pulls you closer to him and your hands find their courage and go to the back of his neck and so you’re also pulling him in, and all you want is to have him closer, as close as you can possibly have him, and when his hand moves down to your ass, you take that as the perfect moment to throw your leg over so you can straddle him and now both of Tom’s hands are on your ass and you grab onto his shoulders for leverage, and just because you need to breathe in properly, you let your lips disconnect and you see him beneath you.

His hand comes up to move your hair out of your face and you stare at each others eyes for a second and it doesn’t feel overwhelming anymore, so you smile at him for a brief moment, but being apart from his lips feels terrible right now so you lean back in and his hand is in your head and he’s pushing you closer to him, and your hands just slide down to his chest, you play with the chain he has on for a second and he smiles into the kiss, but then you move your attention to the buttons of his shirt and start undoing them.

You take your lips to his neck and he becomes super responsive, you find his sensitive spot quite quickly and he moves you closer to him so you feel his lenght rubbing against your core and it makes you go undo the buttons faster, before you know it he’s taking the shirt off and throwing it to the floor, when his hands are free, he takes advantage and lifts your blouse and you put your arms up to give him easy access. You’re glad you rush bought that set of nice underwear, because Tom’s eyes visibly fill with lust at the sight of the barely there lacy piece covering your breasts.

He touches your chest ever so lightly it gives you goosebumps, he traces a path to your breasts but he stops right before getting to them “Can I?” he whispers, looking straight into your eyes, and there’s something so sexy about him seeking your explicit consent, it makes your panties a little wetter, you nod lightly and he goes ahead, tracing the shape of your breasts with his fingers, like he wants to get familiar with them, he takes one of your nipples between his fingers and applies a little preasure on it, and then on the other one, he’s taking his sweet time before cupping them and pressing his lips in the space between them, and your hands respond to that by taking his hair and pulling lightly and he moans into your skin and it makes you shiver.

He keeps leaving wet kisses on your nipples and sucking on sensitive spots and you can swear it will leave marks, but who cares, you’re just over the moon with everything that’s happening and you just want more and more. He takes one hand to your ass again and he holds it tightly, using the other hand he slides to the edge of the couch and just like it’s nothing heavier than an empty box, he stands up, and you gasp because frankly you were not expecting it, he laughs a little and gives you a reassuring smile.

“I just thought we’ll be more comfortable in my room.”

“Okay, then.” You find it so odd that he’s so unbothered while carrying your full weight, like you’re not exactly the lightest woman in the world, but you won’t deny that being so close and personal to his biceps like this, it’s something you could get used to.

He takes you up the stairs, and along the corridor, once you reach the door, he turns the knob but decides to kick the door rather than opening it like a normal person, but you can’t complain because every moves looks hotter than the previous, and when he lays you down on his bed and stays hovering above you, you just can’t handle it and you kiss him again, your legs hug around his bum to bring him closer where you need him and he takes the hint, he pushes your skirt to your stomach and before he does anything else, his seeks your consent “Is this okay?” he asks, “Yes.” you say loud and clear and he rubs his fingers on your core, and it feels good, but your panties feel like a concrete wall, you just need to feel his fingers, his everything all over your body, so you arch your back and unzip the skirt and he pulls it down and throws it to a corner of the room.

He takes a second to look at you in just your underwear and you feel exposed, but he’s looking at you like you’re some sort of Goddess, he kicks his shoes off and goes to undo the button of his jeans, and it looks so slow and you need him now but you watch him and when he slides down the jeans and you can make out the shape of his member. You feel a little overwhelmed with the view in front of you, and you take a moment to take it all in. His face is crowned by (now) very messy curls, his eyes that used to be brown are practically pitch black by both the dim lighting and lust, there’s freckles all over his nose and cheeks, but they’re barely noticeable, his jawline is the most defined you’ve ever been near to, but even though there are a lot of strong features in his face, he looks almost childish and innocent… until you drop your eyes to his chest, that is.

Every single muscle in his chest has some sort of definition, he’s not as ripped as in the movies, but then again, he’s not super dehydrated and over exercised right now, and he still looks more muscular than any guy you know, his abs are defined, there’s a visible V marking the path from his hips to his member and it is stupidly making your mouth water. He has black Calvin Kleins still on, but that’s the last piece of clothing he has on, and the anticipation is killing you.

He takes you by the ankles an pulls you closer to the edge of the bed and he spreads your legs open and gives you a devilish smile before leaning back in to give you a quick yet intense kiss on the lips and he slides down to your neck and chest again, but he keeps making his way down your body towards your bellybutton and it gives you goosebumps everytime he gives you even a peck or a light touch, you’re shivering with every touch.

“Relax, love… if you want me to stop you can just say it, okay?” He says looking up at you and you nod, you breathe in to calm your nerves down, he waits for you, when you’re finally ready you nod at him again, he gives your waist a light squeeze, smiles at you and places a kiss to your stomach and keeps kissing you lower, until one of his hands goes to your thigh while the other teases the waistband of your panties, hooking one finger on it, he starts pulling it down painfully slowly, you lift your bum to make it easier for your panties to leave your body, once Tom strecthes them to throw them to some part of the room, you sit up to take off your bra and he looks intently at you while you do it, so you smile and lock your eyes to his just to make it more interesting, and you also take your sweet time unclasping the clips, and Tom starts to get impatient, you can see it in his smile, but you enjoy playing with him so even when you do unclasp both clips, you keep the piece on and he puts his hands on his hair in exasperation and you just laugh, enjoying this small moment of being the one in charge, but you give in and take the lacy bra off and throw it to him, he catches it and throws it to the side.

You’re completely naked in his bed and he’s taking the view in. “You’re very beautiful, you know?” he says and you feel the blush creep up to your cheeks, but you smile and thank him regardless, he smiles back and leans back down, he kisses one of your thighs and then the other one, before he does anything else he looks up at you, once again looking for any signs of hesitation “Are you sure you want this?” he asks from his position and when you nod, he dives in.

He presses a light kiss into your folds and you immediately feel electricity emmiting from your core. Needless to say it’s your first time recieving an oral, every sensation is new, you can’t even tell if he’s good at this or not, but for you, it feels like the best sensation in the world, his tongue dances over your clit and you just grasp the sheets for dear life and when he sucks on it you swear you could come right there, but you manage to hold it for a little longer and he keeps going, it doesn’t take long for him to introduce one finger inside, the moan you let out is just obscene and he seems to love it, because he moans too but the vibrations that it sent to your clit make you lose it and you come yelling his name like your life depends on it and he guides you through your first orgasm of the night with his mouth and finger still pumping in and out.

“You’re dripping wet, you know that?” He tells you once you’ve calmed down and have regained your ability to function like a human being, you smile at him, trying to speak, but that function has not come back yet. He kisses you in the mouth and you can taste yourself in his mouth, you start relaxing into the kiss, and he starts tracing gentle circles on the skin of your stomach and you turn your body so can be face to face and your leg happens to feel his dick, and it feels impossibly hard, so you try to relieve the pressure by stroking it with your hand, but when you get your hand down his waistband, Tom stops you “If you touch me now, I’ll be the biggest dissapointment of your life.”

“You forget that I’m a virgin… I have nothing to compare you to.”

“Still… I’ve got my pride.” he finishes as he gets up and rumbles in a drawer of his nightstand, he finds the condom and shows it to you. “Do you want to do this?”

You take a deep breath, there’s nothing you want more than do it right now, but it sure makes you nervous, still you give him verbal consent “Yes, I do.”

That’s all he needs, he stands up completely and takes his underwear off, it happens quite fast, but you do get to apreciate his dick in full exposure, not that you’d know, but it sure looks like it’s gonna be hard to fit that inside of you, and you panic a little and Tom notices and chuckles while he slides the condom on, “It’s gonna be alright, I’ll make sure of it.”

He crawls back to the bed and hovers above you, his hand go to your core again and he slowly introduces one finger into you and starts pumping in and out slowly, he stays looking in your eyes, watching your every reaction, you’re moaning slightly, when he notices that you’ve gotten used to the sensation, he adds another digit and the pressure feels uncomfortable, but he notices so he waits for you to get used to the feeling before he starts pumping it, you bite your lip as you enjoy his movements, moans coming out of your mouth to the rythm of his fingers, when he starts stretching you by doing scissor motions with his fingers, the feeling increases and it is a lot more intense so you hold onto his arm, he’s still looking at you, wanting to be sure that you’re okay and staying alert to see any signs of discomfort in you, but you like it so much.

He takes his fingers out and the emptiness is just overwhelming, but when you see that he’s trying to align himself to your entry, you relax and stress at the same time. This is real. It’s gonna happen. Actually it’s happening at this moment. He looks at you again and lifts his eyebrows in question, you nod lightly and you hold on to his forearm and his neck in preparation. He pushes slowly in, it hurts a little but it’s not that bad, Tom sees you wincing and stops, waiting for you to get used to the new feeling, when you do, he keeps pushing a little. The rythm goes like that until he’s fully in.

You can see he’s having a hard time trying not to hurt you, it’s clear that he just wants to go for it, but you’re grateful he’s containing himself while you get used to the feeling of being so full right now, when you’re ready, you nod at him and he pulls slightly out, waits for you, and pushes back in. The rythm is slow at first for you to get used to it. At first it feels like too much, but the more he thrusts into you, it starts being not enough.

His grunts and moans sound heavinly to your ears, and whenever you are brave enough to just open your eyes and see him, his face is just so beautiful, he has a frown in his face out of concentration and self control, you’re admiring him when he opens his eyes and they meet yours, it’s such an intimate moment, it makes you blush a little bit, you caress his cheek and hair, interlocking your fingers in his curly locks, he lets out a soft moan in pleasure.

The pace gets faster and stronger and you’re getting closer to your high with every thrust, he’s hitting a point inside of you that you didn’t even know existed and it’s a whole new level of pleasure, it’s even making you feel like the world is spinning, you grab onto his back and scratch as you try to keep it together, he moans loudly and stops and pulls out suddenly.

“Get on all fours for me, love.” he tells you and you comply, he pulls you closer to the edge of the bed so he can fuck you while standing up off the bed, you try to arch your back to give him better access, he slides in easier now, and the sensation changes completely, he’s hitting another point that feels even better in this angle, the pleasure doesn’t let you stay stable and your arms can’t keep you up, so you press your face to a pillow and you can’t stop moaning his name, your high creeping up from your stomach once again.

“T- Tom… I think I’m gonna…”

“Wait for me, darling, I’m right there with you.”

His thrusts become sloppy and arythmic, he goes faster, his grunts louder with each thrust, your names falls from his mouth a lot more now, and his is the only word you can say at this point. You come first with an incredibly loud moan of his name. The feeling of you reaching your orgasm around his dick is enough to send him over the edge too, your name being dropped with a loud grunt, he squeezes your breast and rests his head on your back when he comes down from his high, both of you panting. You stay like that for a moment, but then Tom pulls out and goes to the bathroom to dispose of the condom.

[…]

You lay in the bed completely naked, but you do feel more exposed now that the moment’s over, so you cover up with a pillow and think about what just happened, relishing on how good it was, you figure this was the best idea you’ve had in a while, even if the most ridiculous but it worked out pretty well.

Tom comes back soon after and hands you a water bottle (because he apparently just keeps water bottles in his bathroom), you thank him and he lays in the bed with you. “How was that?” he asks you in some worried matter, like his whole career depended on your answer, you look at him and smile at him like he’s crazy, you had two orgasms, isn’t that enough proof that you liked it? when the anxiety becomes aparent in his face, you give him the verbal confirmation. “Of course I did, wasn’t it obvious?” you say while trying to hide your face, he takes your arms to stop you from doing so.

“Y/N! Don’t hide! It was actually really good for me too, and I’m happy you had a good first time, it’s cool.”

You smile at him bigger now, getting more comfortable now, and he leans to leave a kiss on your forehead, and you lay there just chilling for a while. Checking the clock in Tom’s bedside table you realize it’s almost 2 in the morning, you haven’t talked about this, but you think it’s not a good idea to stay the night, maybe he has things to do tomorrow, and you do have a class at 9, so you start to get up to recolect your clothes.

“Where are you going?” Tom asks in a whiny tone, he was right about to fall asleep before you got up.

“I think it’s time for me to leave, it’s quite late and I’ve got class tomorrow.” you reply with a slightly sad tone, just for the drama.

“You don’t have to go. There’s no way I’m letting you take an uber and I’m too lazy to get up and drive you… so stay, I promise I’ll take you to your front door tomorrow morning, alright?” also, he gives you mad puppy eyes to convince you, but you still move around the room trying to find your underwear, just to not be naked anymore.

“Okay, just let me put some clothes back on, cause this is weird.”

“Can you throw me my underwear, please?”

“Yeah, just let me try and find them.” You throw them at him once you find them among the mess and they land straight in his face, you just gotta laugh at it and he just rolls his eyes at you and puts the thing on jokingly bitching about you being rude to him and you just laugh at him while you walk back to the bed.

At some point, Tom goes to retrieve your clothes and the wine from the living room while you just scroll through your phone absent mindedly, you half read the tweets and just ignore the instagram posts you see until he gets back and gives you your barely touched glass of wine and lays back down next to you.

You stay there for a while just talking and drinking, actually getting to know each other, you tell him about your major in college, how hard it gets sometimes, and you even tell him about why you had never had sex before. He tells you about his work, his family, the things he wants to do next… he does tell you a little tiny spoiler of the future of Marvel, which you had to swear you wouldn’t reveal to anyone ever and it would be a secret you take to your graveyard. It’s a nice pillow talk, you’re laying in the bed, facing each other, his hand is lazily resting on your waist, yours playing with the chain on his neck. This is likely even more intimate than the sex itself, and it’s nice.

When you do finally fall asleep, is in that position. Wine bottle completely empty in the floor, clothes laying around, only sound in the room being the light snores of Tom and heavy sleep breathing. You’re extremely comfortable and relaxed, long forgotten how nervous you were before this happened. You could get used to this.

Your slumber is ruined when the alarm goes off at half 7 in the morning, you feel tired, but you get your clothes back on anyway, Tom takes a little longer to fully wake up, but he keeps his promise and throws a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt, he also throws a hat on just to not deal with his morning/sex hair, for the same reason, you also just put your hair in a messy bun.

He actually parks the car and walks you back to your dorm, it’s quite early, but there is some people around the hallways anyways and it makes you a bit anxious thinking you might get him in trouble if he does get recognized, but he seems relaxed and unbothered about it anyway.

“I had a lot of fun. It was really nice to get to know you… call me up if you ever want to do this again, okay?” he tells you with his hands stuck in his pockets, it makes you smile how cute he looks.

“Thank you, Tom. I really enjoyed it… thanks for not being weird about this whole thing.”

“That’s alright. Okay, take care and don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Okay.” He gives you a last kiss on the cheek before you get inside your dorm to get ready for class, and he goes back home, and that is it.

Months go by without you ever talking to or about Tom, you just assumed that was the end of everything you lived with him and it is a lovely and super hot thing to remember, but there's nothing more to it.

Bing

Your phone goes off in the middle of the night. You were studying, so you weren't talking to anyone. As you check the notification, you freeze just like you did the first time you saw his name on your screen.

"Hey! I'm in your town! What are you up to?"

-

Tagging some people to avoid the flop:

@caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki @madmadmilk @hollandrecs @starksparker @sunshinehollandd

[hellyeahheroes]

Building America Chavez in D&D 5e

Sorry I’ve been mostly quiet, but certain recent events made me wish to take a break from posting. I do feel bad I didn’t do more for a Pride Month, however so I thought of doing something that will let me combine both trying to lift my spirits up (especially since I haven’t done one of those in a while) and doing little fun thing for LGBTQ followers - letting them play a game that is known as a good escapist fantasy as one of our favorite characters. We’re building America Chavez today.

First of all, let’s define Goals for this build. First of all, we need to kick and punch hard and be able to take a hit as well and be super fast. Second, we need to kick so hard to open portals to other dimensions. Finally, we need to be able to fly and shine bright light.

Regarding Ability Scores America is one of those characters who should have 20 in everything, but we cannot really do that so I’m gonna prioritize what we need for the build. As always I’m taking basic template from Tulok the Barbarian so we’ll be unig Standard Point Array (15, 14, 13, 12, 10 and 8). If you want to roll or use point-buy, go ahead and use these as guidelines, just remember you’ll need 13 inWisdom and Dexterity for multiclassing.

Strength: 14, You can throw tanks at the moon

Dexterity: 13, we need it for multiclassing purpose. Also, I doubt any medium or heavy armor goes with short shorts, America’s outfits are light armor at best.

Constitution: 15, you can take hits from the likes of She-Hulk, Vision and Thanos

Intelligence: 10, you don’t need it but America did go to college to expand her knowledge of cosmic stuff.

Wisdom: 12, living on your own since being a child means picking up some survival skills.

Charisma: 8, low but we will bumb it with rracial ability scores.

Speaking of Race, America is from another planet, descendant of a race created by two celestial beings, who can fly and shine her star marks. and if that doesn’t speak Protector Aasimar, I do not know what does. You gain +2 to Charisma and +1 to Wisdom, resistance to necrotic and radiant damage and know Common and Celestial languages. Your Darkvision lets you see  60 feet in dim light as in normal light and in darkness as in dim light, but without abilitty to discern colors. Once per long rest you can heal a person (or yourself) for number of hit points equal your level. Finally, you get a Light Cantrip, which lets you make one object no larger in any dimension than 10 feet and make it shine bright light in a 20 feet radius and dim light in next 20 feet. Use it for your own stars.

Background: You are from another planet in another dimension so Far Traveller is closest to that. You gain proficiency in any language of your choice, pick something campaign relevant. You get proficiency in Insight and Perception and a single musical instrument or gaming set of your choice. You have an All Eyes On You feature, which makes you a center of attention and opens you doors of curious nobles and scholars.

Class Features:

Level 1: We will kick things off as a Ranger.  You gain proficiency in Dexterity and Strength saving throws, light and medium armor, simple and martial weapons, shields and two skills, choose Athletics and Investigation. 

We will be using Ranger options from Class Variants Unearthed Arcana, which is free. Deft Explorer lets you pick one of 3 options - Tireless lets you a number of times equal your Wisdom modifier per long rest gain 1d10+ Your Wisdom modifier temporary hit points as an action. If you are suffering from Exhaustion and take a short rest, you lose a level of it.

Favored Fore lets you cast Hunter’s Mark on a target without expending a spell slot a number of times equal your Wisdom modifier and don’t need concentration to maintain it. Hunter’s Mark let’s you pick one target and for its duration (up to an hour) you deal 1d6 extra damage whenever you hit it with an attack and gain advanate on Survival and Perception checks to find it. And if the target drops to zero hit points before spell ends you can move it to another as a bonus action. So if you are chasing after Loki again, this will come in handy.

Level 2: 2nd Level Ranger gets to pick a Fighting Style. Unarmed Fighting lets your unarmed attacks deal 1d6+your Strength modifier damage, 1d8 if you hit with two hands at once (or do a dropkick, I guess) and when you start a grapple and whenever you hit a grappled creature you can deal it extra 1d4 bludgeoning of damage. As with Tulok, we pick this one a lot because a lot of superheroes just use fists. If you feel YOUR America should be swinging a waraxe, go for it and pick something else.

On this level Rangers get spellcasting. you know a number of spells and cannot know spells of higher level than you have spell slots for, whenever you cast a spell you spend spell slot of appriopriate level or higher. If a spell requires a saving throw it is against difficulty of 8 + Your Proficiency Modifier + Your Wisdom modifier and the latter two you also sum up to add to a Spell Attack roll if a spell requires one. You start with two spells.

Cure Wounds lets you touch a creature or yourself and heal for 1d8+ Your Wisdom modifier of hit points.

Zephyr Strike lasts for a 1 minute on concentration and for this time you don’t provoke opportunitty attacks and when you deal your first attack you get to make it with an advantage and your speed increases by 30 feet for this turn.

Level 3: Once you reach this level Protector Aasimar gains Radiant Soul, letting you once per long rest radiate with positive energy, even spouting mings made of light from your back. If your DM allows you can probably gain the benefits without that visual add-on. This form lasts for one minute and gives you flying speed equal your regular speed and once on each of your turns you can deal extra radiant damage equal your level to a creature you hit with an attack or a spell.

3rd Level Ranger gets to choose a Ranger Conclave. Horizon Walker specializes in dimensional travel and interdimensional threats. You can as an action sense location of a nearest interdimensional portal once per short or long rest. You also become a Planar Warrior, which means you can use your bonus action to select one creature you can see within 30 feet of you. During this turn when you attack that creature you not only deal extra 1d8 damage but also all damage from that attack gets converted to force damage. Force is the least protected against type of damage in the game, there is literally a single creature immune to it and zero creatures with resistance to it in entire Monster Manual.

At this level Ranger also gains Primeval Awareness, letting you spend a spell slot to be able to sense all aberrations, celestials, dragons, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead within one mile from you for duration of 1 minute per spell slot’s level, but does not tell you their exact location or number. It is horribly situational, costs your valuable resource and is basically a shittier version of Divine Sense, an abilitty Paladin gets on first level. It’s actually a core Ranger abilitty and it does have a replacement in Unearthed Arcana.... buuut that replacement gives you a bunch of extra spells that aren’t really America’s style. At least I am far more likely to beleive she is able to pick subtle hints of presence of various creatures due to her years of experience fighting everything the Multiverse threw at her, than I am that she can detect and talk to animals and plants or be able to see through an animal’s eyes. If you want to sacrifice some thematic coherence for more powerful build, be my guest.

Hunter’s Mark is now added to your spells’ known as a bonus from Favored Foe and Horizon Walker gives you another additional spell - Protection From Evil and Good, letting you make  aberrations, celestials, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead  have disadvantage on attacks against yourself or another creature. The target of the spell cannot be charmed, frightened or posessed by these creatures  and if that already happend before you cast the spell, it rolls saving throws to shake it off with an advantage. A lot of lovecraftian horrors try to eat your teammate and future god for his future god powers, this will help against that.

Our regular spell for this level will be Absorb Elements. You can cast it as a reaction whenever you take acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder damage and it grants you resistance to that and next time you hit a target on your next turn, it takes extra 1d6 of that type of damage. This second feature is less impressive at higher levels where a lot of creatures dealing that type of damage are resitant or outright immune to it. Every dragon is immune to the damage dealt by its breath for example. EXCEPT that as a Palanar Warrior you convert that to force damage. Their offense just makes you hit harder.

4th Level: Sticking with Ranger for an Abilitty Score Improvement or a Feat. Resilent lets you add 1 to your Constitution and makes you proficient with Constitution saving throw. a large number of your spells is depending on Concentration so this is a good way to keep going even after you take a hit.

5th Level: Ranger gains an extra attack, letting you attack twice in a single attack action. Remember, those attacks are all affected by your Planar Warrior power.

You also gain access to 2nd level spells 

Lesser Restoration, letting you cure one disease or a  blinded, deafened, paralyzed, or poisoned condition from one creature. America heals fast.

Horizon Walker gives us Misty Step, which lets you teleport 30 feet to an unoccupied space you can see.

6th Level: You can pick second Deft Explorer feature. I will go with Roving to increase your speed by 5 feet and give you climbing and swimming speed equal to your walking speed. America is fast and with that you can move to your foes no matter where they are.

7th Level: Horizon Walker gives you Etheral Step. You can now once per short or long rest cast, as a bonus action, Etherealnesss on yourself without expending a spell slot but it only lasts one turn. It lets you step into Ethereal Plane where you can move without being affected by enemies or walls or magic effects on material plane. You can use this to move aout of the harm’s way or (more likely) behind enemy lines to punch that one guy who keeps hiding behind the tank.

You also get one more spell but I’m not feeling these 2nd level spells so we will pick Longstrider, which increases your movement speed by 10 feet for 1 hour, no concentration required. This means you can now walk, climb, swim or fly up to 45 feet per turn. And you cannot tell me America isn’t super fast, considering in her debut book she did this

8th Level: We will now jump to Cleric. America has multitude of things she could worship, be it Demiurge or Spirits Beracca and Sanar who created your home planet or even your moms and their messianic-like sacrifice. Or not, Clerics don’t need to worship a diety, they can draw the power from just believing this strongly in something the universe registers it as faith. Lou Wilson on The Unsleeping City plays a Cleric who is a doctor that draws power from caring about his patients so much, you don’t need to limit yourself just because you may dislike certain parts of character history.

Whatever your reasons, you get to pick a Divine Domain. Since America can travel between dimensions, she basically is a Planeswalker. Meaning she can jump to Magic: the Gathering setting Amonketh from one of Planeshift supplements and grab the Strength Domain. You gain proficiency in one extra skill, pick Survival, and heavy armor.

You also get Cleric spellcasting, which works as Ranger’s except you know all your Cleric spells and you prepare which spells you have ready each day. You also get cantrips, which you can cast as many times as you want. Your number of spell slots is determined by multiclassing table -  check out a level equal your Cleric level + half your Ranger level rounded down to consult how many spell slots you have for use.

You get 3 Cantrips, two spells and two extra spells and an extra cantrip from Strength domain so we have some work to do.

Guidance and Resistance each lets you add a d4 to a single ability check or a saving throw respectively. This shit is life saving. No, I did not spend my last game lamenting guidance is not on Bard Spell list after my bard failed an important skill check by 1, why are you asking?

Thunderclap lets you clap your hands so hard every creature 5 feet from you needs to make a Constitution saving throw or be dealt 1d6 thunder damage. It is a staple for powerhouses, Hulk basically patented it.

Bless lets you pick up to 3 creatures, including yourself. For the duration they add 1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws

Detect Magic lets you sense or see influence of magic within 30 feet from you unless it’s hiding behind a thick enough barrier. Again, America been around, she can recognize a lot of tricks.

Divine Favor lets you add 1d4 of Radiant damage to your attacks. America’s punches are that strong.

Shield of Faith meanwhile grants you +2 bonus to your AC. Again, short shorts can barelly pass for light armor, less alone medium or heavy so you need all help you can get.

9th Level: 2nd Level Cleric gets to use their Channel Divinity.once per short or long rest

The standard use is Turn Undead, which forces all undead who see you to make a Wisdom saving throw or be turned for 1 minute or until they take damage, making them unable to do anything but spend their turn dashing away from you. You may say it is not in character but America travelled across the Multiverse a lot. Do you know what you can find in Marvel Multiverse a lot? Zombies. Especially Marvel Zombies. And even then, regular zombies in D&D are also know as “PAIN IN THE BUTT TO FIGHT WITH” so whichever kind of undead is bothering you, this will help.

Strength Domain grants you another use of this, Feat of Strength. You can choose to spend your use of Channel Divinity to add +10 to an attack roll, abilitty check or saving throw using Strength.

Finally, Unearthed Arcana lets you spend your use of this feature to regain a 1st level spell slot. It’s situational, but could be useful in a pinch.

Our spell for the level will be Sanctuary - cast it on one creature of your choice to make enemies have to roll a Wisdom saving throw whenever they want to target it with an attack or a harmful spell or have to choose another target. You can play this one as goading enemies to fight her to distract them from civilians or your mroe squishy teammates like Billy or Loki. Warning, don’t waste it on either Kate or Quentin Quire, they are likely to just go and shoot someone and the spell ends if target attacks someone, casts a harmful spell or causes damage from an already active spell. So no, Quentin, you cannot cast Spirit Guardians and then have America Sanctuary you, stop asking and read an errata already!

10th Level: 3rd Level Cleric gets 2 2nd Level spell slots

Aid lasts for an hour and lets you increase hit point maximum and current hit points of up to 3 party members by fve, always useful as a form of a battle plan to keep everyone safe.

Warding Bond lets you for an hour create a bond between you and another creature for 1 hour with no concentration. As long as the target is within 60 feet of you it gets +1 to AC and resistance to all damage but whenever it takes damage, you take as much damage and if you get further than 60 feet away from one another or you drop to 0 hit points, the spell ends. So cast this on Kate, Monica or Billy who are squishy but know to stay in the back. Don’t cast it on Ramone, Eddie, Adam, Teddy, Carol, T’Challa, Noh-Varr, Gwen, David, Eli or Galactus who are likely to be with you in the front line. And don’t cast it on Quentin, he is squishy and should stay in the back but he cannot be trusted, this kid has no self-perservation instinc whatsoever. Same goes for Loki, who is supposed to be smarter but still keeps poking everything around for one scheme or another.

Strength Domain gives us Enchance Abilitty, which grants you an advantage on abilitty chekcs of chosen Ability score and some minor bonuses if you pick Strength, Dexterity or Constitution. As I’ve said, America is good at everything as if she was an anime character, this will help you emulate that.

Protection from Poison for an hour, no concentration, gives the target advantage on saving throws against being poisoned and resistance to poison damage and when cast removes one poison already affecting the target.

11th Level: 4th Level Cleric gets an Abilitty Score Improvement, invest in your Strength. Spoiler, this will be where all your remaining Abilitty Score improvements will go.

You get one more cantrip and one more spell

Virtue grants the target 1d4+your spellcasting abilitty modifier of temporary hit points for one round

Branding Smite, which was added in Unearthed Arcana, lets you deal extra 2d6 Radiant damage and if the target was invisible it now becomes visible and cannot becopme invisible for the duration of the spell as it shines bright light in 5-feet radius. America punching someone out of their invisiblity so hard they now glitter? Sounds about right.

12th Level: 5th Level Cleric can destroy all undead of challenge rating 1/2 or less who failed saving throw against turn undead. 

You get even more spells, gaining access to third level ones.

Remove Curse lets you remove effects of a curse from a person or break attunment to cursed item. Use it on yourself to simply shrug off the enemy curses

Tongues lets you understand any language and be understood by all other creatures for an hour. You ever noticed how all realities America goes to seem to speak English? This may be why.

Protection From Energy lets you get resistance to  acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder. for the duration, on concentration of course.

Haste also lasts on concentration. it doubles your speed, grants +2 to AC, an advantage on Dexterity saving throws and an extra attaction you can use to take Dash, Disengage, Hide or use object action or make a single extra attack. Once it ends you cannot take actions for a turn, 

13th Level: 6th Level Cleric can use Channel Divinity twice per short or long rest, gains a new use from Strength domain, letting you as a reaction grant +10 to another creature’s attack roll, ability check or saving throw using Strength. Sometimes you jsut want to cheer up on your girlfriend to punch someone harder, you know?

You also get to pick one more spell - magic Circle lets you ward an area of 10 feet radius and 20 feet height from celestials, elementals, fey, fiends, or undead, whichever you choose. You can either protect creatures inside from that type of enemies or trap them inside the circle. Either way the selected creature type cannot willingly cross the border of the circle, had disadvantage against targets on the other side cannot charm, frighter or possess and if it tries to circumvent this by using teleportation of any sort it needs to first succeed a Charisma saving throw.

14th Level: 7th Level Cleric gets 4th level spells

Freedom of Movement lets you for one hour, no concentration required, make yourself unaffected by difficult terrain and magic cannot in any way reduce your speed, restrain or paralyze you, you can spend 5 feet from your movement to escape nonmagical restraints and being underwater doesn’t impose any penalty on your movement.

Dominate Beast isn’t really in character so I will focus on second bonus spell Strength Domain gives you - Stoneskin grants you resistance to nonmagical Bludgeoning, Piercing and Slashing damage

Stoneskin is not an excuse to wear this awful outfit from Vengenace, tho.

15th Level: 8th Level Cleric gains Divine Strike, letting you once on each of your turns add extra 1d8 of that damage type. You also get to pick another Abilitty Score improvement and your Destroy Undead abilitty upgrades to undeads of CR 1 or less.

Your spell for this level will be Banishment, forcing a Charisma Saving throw on the target and sending it to another dimension if it fails. If the target is native to this plane, it is send to a harmless dimension and comes back once spell ends. But if it is not, it is send to its home plane and if you maintain concentration for one minute, it does not return. As with Magic Circle this is less something we hase SEEN America do but sounds like something she should be able to do. Open a portal under something and let it fall.

16th Level: 9th Level Cleric gets one spell of 4th level and one of 5th level.

Greater Restoration lets you remove from atarget a single level of exhaustion, one curse, one reduction of an abilitty score or hit point maximum, one effect that charmed or petrified the target. Use this on yourself to shrug off everything. Except perficication, kinda hard to use this while petrified.

Strength Domain gives you two extra spells, but Insect Plague isn’t very in character. Destructive Wave, however, lets you strike the ground, making every creature of your choice within 30-feet range take 5d6 thunder and 5d6 radiant or necrotic damage and be knocked prone, half damage on a succesful Constitution saving throw. You stomp the ground that hard.

Death Ward lasts for 8 hours with no concentration, first time a target would be dropped to zero hit points, they’re dropped to 1 hit points instead. If an effect would kill target instantly without dealing damage (say POWER WORD: KILL) it is negated. Either way the spell ends after a single activation. Sounds useful considering one of people on America’s shit list is COSMIC TITAN CHAMPION OF DEATH 

17th Level: 10th Level Cleric gains Divine Intervention, which lets you call upon the power of whoever you picked as your patron diety. You describe what you want to happen and roll a percentage dice - if your result is lower than your Cleric level, diety intervenes in a way choosen by the DM. If you succed on this, you cannot use this feature for a week, if you fail you cannto do it until after a long rest.

You get one new Cantrip and one new 5th Level Spell

Word of Radiance forces all creatures of your choice to suceed a Constitution saving throw or take 4d6 radiant damage. You shine so bright you literally hurt your enemies.

Legend Lore lets you gain knowledge about a legendary object, person or location, up to mysterious secrets. Again, America has been travelling through the Multiverse, she likely has seen everything and recalls things that seem to be happenning again.Information may be a bit cyrptic, tho.

18th Level: 11th Level Cleric’s Destroy Undead improves to undeads of CR 2 or lower. You also get an access to 6th Level Spell - otherwordly Form was added to Cleric Spell List in Unearthed Arcana. It lets you for the duration (up to 1 minute on concentration) grant yourself flying speed of 40 feet, use of your Wisdom in place of Strength for attack rolls, an additional attack that doesn’t stack with your extra attack and immunity to either fire and poison damage and poisoned condition or radiant and necrotic damage and charmed comdition. This will help if you out of your Radiant Soul and need to fly again, but it is sadly not as good on this particular build because we already have an extra attack and rely more on Strength than Wisdom. But Clerics don’t get Fly.

19th Level: Speaking of Strength, 12th Level fo Cleric and our Final Abilitty Score Improvement lets us finally cap it.

20th Level: Our captsone is 13th Level of Cleric for a 7th Level spell - Plane Shift lets you become your party’s ticked to the Multiverse, letting you transport yourself and up to 8 willing creatures to another plane of existence or to banish an unwilling creature to a random location on a plane you choose if you hit it with a meele spell attack you make as a part of this spell and it fails Charisma Saving throw.

Overview: So this is my take on America Chavez - Protector Aasimar Horizon Walker Ranger 7/Strength Domain Cleric 13. Now let us see how valiable this build is:

Pros: First of all, you are really tough, with around 165 hit points, a number of spells you can set up to buff yourself  and/or others you will be very hard to hurt. Second, you have a large number of ways to hurt your enemies and even combine them to deal some impressive damage. Finally, you have a ton of mobility options, letting you chase all most important targets all across the battlefield.

Cons: A lot of your spells require concentration and we didn’t cap this one, so it is mediocre. A lot of your offensive options compete for bonus action and your buffs require some prep time and forward thinking to set up or wasting your time during the combat. A number of offensive spells relies on your Wisdom modifier, which is weak.

However, you are pretty good at what you do best - punching and taking on yourself major threats. You are a reliable tank who can outlast her enemies in combat. Punch people and protect your friends, jsut remember you cannot do it all alone and your teammates are much more squishy - protect them and they’ll have your back

Alternatives:

There is a number of ways in which you could upgrade this build but sacrifice some of loyalty to America’s potrayal.

* Ranger 6/Cleric 14 lets you increase your Divine Strike Damage to 2d8, meaning you can deal 4d8 damage when combined with Planar Warrior.

* Ranger 12/Cleric 8 lets you increase your Planat Warrior Damage and gains extra attack from Horizon Walker’s 11th level feature, making you much more offensive but also with more hp.

* Change stats to STR 12 DEX 13 CON 14 INT 10 WIS 15  CHA 8. Pick Druidic Warrior as your fighting style, grab a club or a staff and pick shillelagh as your cantrip, letting you use your Wisdom for attacks made with said club or staff, then go Ranger 8/Cleric 12 or vice-versa, using your Abilitty Score Improvements to round up first Wisdom and then Constitution. This take on America will have much better offense AND defense but it strays so much from her as a character (no plane shift, no punching with your hands, less actual Strength and more trickery) it didn’t feel right. Sometimes you need to sacrifice power to stay loyal to the character. Then again, this build would sure be true to a certain aspect of America we know and love.

- Admin

[adultswim2021]

The Finkel Files | July 18, 2002 - 3:30 AM | Special

There is no hell in Judaism. Therefore, one must be created. That is where the Finkel Files comes in.

Finkel Files is about a young boy named Joshua Finkel attending Rabbi school, which is also a summer camp. Young Joshua doesn't actually want to be a rabbi. In fact, he'd rather be a rock musician. In this pilot episode Joshua's love of playing rock music is barely explored, instead it's a story about him and his friend, an extremely orthodox little guy, being bullied into building a raft so they can go across the lake to have sex with Catholic teenage girls.

There's a lot of Jewish humor in this, and there's sex-related jokes that exist in that weird grey area of being too juvenile to exist on Adult Swim and a little too risque to air on children's television. There's a lotta circumcision jokes, which I always find a little puzzling when it's so clearly claimed as being a Jewish thing. I'm far from Jewish, and grew up in a shitkickin' retarded redneck town where everyone was cult-member-level Christian, and my dick and every other dick I sucked, I mean, saw, was cut. They cut all them little boy dicks. I literally never even saw an uncircumcised dick till I was in my 30s while watching some European pornography. Circumcision jokes are like the Israel of dick jokes, if you think about it. I’m not elaborating on this, because I don’t want my blog to get deleted.

Anyway, this fucking sucks. It sucks so fucking much. It's easily the worst Adult Swim original to air up until this point. I know what'll unseat it eventually, and good lord, I am not looking forward to it. But this is one of the most laughless eleven-and-a-half minutes I've ever spent. I've seen this maybe three times now and it's about four times too many.

Created and written by Adam Mutterperl, who has this entire pilot on Vimeo. I once characterized him as a guy who probably pestered Jewish day camps into letting him show this pilot and doing a Q&A. I bet he's done a few of those, and I'm sure it goes over okay with kids of a certain age. I did a little digging and found out he's written on various bad late night talk shows, and he wrote for (gulp) jib jab, one of my most hated comedy creations on earth. But, he seems like he's doing better than me. Good for him.

MAIL BAG

Anonymous writes:

What's your beef with ToonZone? I knowing having a messageboard dedicated to talking about cartoon is inherently a little silly but it's probably was the most thoughtful and intelligent one going. Walked a perfect line between blind fandom and willful contrarianism. If you don't like that then too bad. Eggos for you.

Oh, I don’t have much of a beef with ToonZone. Part of me just got swept up in the fact that I posted on a different, COOLER message board than them. They seemed like the enemy because they were a more successful version of the board I posted on. There were also a lot of genuine dorks on there. Also a high-level poster there called my wife a cunt once (I’m not joking about this lol).

I guess if push comes to shove I’m pro-ToonZone because when I did research for this project initially they were a very consistent source for air-date information. I got all my Capt. Linger dates (and other stuff) from just chronologically making my way through review threads. It’s an important resource for sure. But yeah, the people.

Anonymous writes:

Brak is for babies. Anyone whose defending it is still a baby. The only thing that keeps this from being on regular cartoon network is that the animation is shit and Zorak sometimes says something nasty/sexual especially to Brak's mom. Fuck this show. Worse than Mr. Pickles by a longshot.

I do wish they’d just bleep out Zorak’s mean-ness and play it on Nick Jr. or some shit. Just imagine face introducing it. New promos of Brak and that big frog from Gullah Gullah Island hanging out. What an ideal world that would be.

Anonymous writes:

Hi the Brak Voting guy again. You have turned the tables on me I see. Wow. I never thought I would be the one getting questions. Makes me feel like a big guy. Also, whose that woman who asked about me? Can we connect somehow. I live in Michigan if that helps. Anyway, I would vote for Galrog. Brak's Dad would lose interest a week past inauguration. He's a very fickle character. This is my honest opinion so you can't get mad at it. You have to respect the honesty. Hook me up with that broad.

Hey man, nice to hear from you. Sorry I came down hard. I’m also a Galrog guy and I was only guarded with my opinion because, and I’m sorry for saying this, but you came off as a Dad supporter and those people are literally fucking nazis. But I made a mistake and I’m sorry and to make it up to you I’m going to let you fuck that woman

Kon writes:

I've KIND OF come around on this era of Birdman. Not my cup of tea but no real reason to be mad at it. Some jokes are fine even! I'm gonna check out Jagged Edge becuz of you

Yeah, I agree it’s nothing to be mad at, but I sure don’t particularly like it! Also Jagged Edge is solid, it’s once of those movies that people online are always like “ah they don’t make ‘em like this anymore! movies for adults! yeah baby! do I make you horny baby??” but then some people see it and they get a little too excited watching it and they have to be like “MARGARET THATCHER ON A COLD DAY MARGARET THATCHER ON A COLD DAY”

[spaceace314]

Anxiety attacks

Trigger warning: This post will talk in depth about anxiety attacks. If you suffer or have ever suffered from anxiety attacks, this post may be triggering for you, so feel free to skip this post and look at some cute puppies instead. Also, trigger warning for mild accidental self-harm in one paragraph, which will be stated at the beginning of the paragraph as well in case you need to skip it. If you do choose to read on, please please please be safe.

Disclaimer: This post will be based on my experiences of anxiety attacks and my experiences alone, and will therefore not be representative of everybody’s experiences. Some people have anxiety attacks far far more severely than myself, and others have very mild anxiety attacks, but they are all completely valid and I don’t want to downplay anybody else’s problems. Also, any advice I may give may not help everybody because, again, this is based on only my experiences and I’m not a mental health expert. If you do need help and advice about anxiety issues, I would strongly recommend seeing a professional.

General warning: This is a loooooooong post. Sorry in advance.

I think that’s about everything. Onwards with the post! *clears throat*

I have been having anxiety attacks on and off for at least six years. They can vary in frequency from being months apart to happening almost every day. Currently, I’m having about one anxiety attack a week due to the stress of being back at university.

Because I’ve been having anxiety attacks for so long, I pretty much recognise the symptoms by now, to the point where I can tell a few minutes in advance if an anxiety attack is coming on. I have, on a handful of occasions, been able to sense an anxiety attack coming and stop it from happening, but most of the time they’re pretty difficult to stop, so I mainly focus on working out how to survive them and what to do afterwards, and over my many many years of experience, I’ve picked up several tricks and techniques. So without further ado, here’s my Super Useful Guide On How To Survive An Anxiety Attack.

Spaceace314′s Super Useful Guide On How To Survive An Anxiety Attack

Step 1: Recognising when an anxiety attack is about to happen

There are several warning signs that I notice before an anxiety attack starts. First and foremost, watch out for any potential triggers. For me personally, being in enclosed spaces, feeling trapped, or having to perform a task under pressure can often trigger an anxiety attack, so I’ve learnt to take extra care in exams and on trains and stay tuned in to my anxiety levels. 

Anxiety attacks can often start in your mind, in the form of thoughts spiralling out of control. If you catch yourself getting worked up by your thoughts, or having unrealistic thoughts about theoretical scenarios where everything goes wrong, you need to act fast to stop yourself from spiralling out of control. Rationalising your thoughts can sometimes help, which you can do by addressing each worry and calmly and logically, assessing the likelihood of it coming true (which will be very very low), and if it would actually be as bad as it seemed (eg failing a test won’t end the world). If this doesn’t work, you can try distracting yourself, maybe listen to music or message a friend, or if you’re nearby friends or family, go and talk to them if you feel comfortable doing so, because they might calm you down and help ground you.

The next sign I tend to notice after the spirally thoughts is that my breathing will start to go funny. I’ll be feeling worried and then suddenly realise that I stopped breathing at some point and that I currently can’t take in any air. This can be absolutely terrifying, especially if you’re not used to it, but you need to stay calm. There are many breathing exercises that you can try, and my personal go to is 4-7-8, which means breathing in for 4 seconds, holding your breath for 7 seconds, and breathing out for 8 seconds. Focusing on your breathing can also have the useful side-effect of distracting you from your anxious thought spiral, which is super-duper helpful for avoiding an attack. 

There are lots of other physical symptoms, such as increased heart rate, sweaty palms, being unable to sit still, being close to tears or crying, feeling suddenly hot, feeling suddenly sick, and loads more (anxiety attacks are so fun). Keep an eye out for these signs, because being able to sense and prevent an anxiety attack is a lot better than having to suffer through one. But if you can’t stop the attack, move on to step 2.

Step 2: Preparing for an anxiety attack that you can’t stop.

So I’ve had situations where I can sense an anxiety attack coming that I can’t stop, but I’ve at least had a couple of minutes before it builds up to the point where it takes over completely. This time can be extremely important. 

Firstly, get yourself into a safe environment. For example, if you’re cooking and feel an attack coming on, turn off all of your cooking stuff (hob, microwave, oven etc) so that you can leave it for a while without risking your own safety. Chances are that you won’t be able to take care of things if something boils over whilst you’re busy hyperventilating, so for your own safety (and peace of mind), just turn everything off. Unless you’re using a slow cooker, in which case it’s probably fine. 

Next, find somewhere comfortable, preferably sitting down, where you can wait out the anxiety attack. A comfy chair won’t stop you from panicking, but it’s more comfortable to cry your eyes out in a nest of blankets and cushions than sitting on a cold kitchen floor. If you’re having an anxiety attack in a public place, try to find somewhere quiet where you can sit for a while. Also, if you can grab something to distract yourself with (like your phone or some fidget toys), then do. Having something else to focus on can help to keep you grounded and lessen both the intensity and length of an anxiety attack. Once you’re in a safe environment, just try to stay calm (which is easier said than done, I know), because you might just have to wait it out, but it will pass.

Step 3: Surviving the anxiety attack

Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin. At some point, the anxiety will take over. I generally find myself unable to talk and struggling to breathe, and most of the time I’ll cry silently and uncontrollably. When I first started having anxiety attacks, which generally happened during tests, they would be completely paralysing to the point where I could literally have my pen in my hand and resting on my test paper and want to write a single word, a single letter, to just move my pen downwards, but be completely unable to. The paralysis still happens sometimes, but it isn’t anywhere near as regular as it was and it isn’t quite as bad any more. Anyway, these symptoms can be absolutely terrifying, and it can feel like there’s no way out and the anxiety attack will never end, but I can promise you that it will end eventually. You need to keep breathing, breathing is very very important, and try to stay calm. I know how terrifying it can be not having control of your own breathing, but remember that it can’t kill you, because you’ll literally pass out before your body lets you suffocate. (Is that comforting? I was aiming for comforting). My point is, you’re gonna be okay, and the not-breathing thing, although terrifying, won’t cause you any actual serious harm. You’re safe and it’ll all be okay, I promise.

(TW: Accidental self-harm description start)  Also, you may, without realising, start to cause yourself harm if you’re too zoned out to think properly, so it’s important to keep an eye on what you’re doing. If you notice that you’re digging your nails into your palms and leaving marks, or that you’re scratching your arms until they turn red, try to stop yourself. This can be super difficult, especially when your brain is most decisively Not Cooperating with you, but you still need to try. It can help to have something to fidget with, like a tangle or a stretchy stress toy, but literally try to do anything else with your hands, even if you end up scribbling on a piece of paper then snapping your pen in half, because making sure that you don’t get hurt needs to be your priority. Keep yourself safe. Also keep breathing, that’s real important for staying alive and all.  (Accidental self-harm description end)

Some people will focus on one particular thought and use it as an anchor to reality, like their cute tiny little puppy being adorable and cute and looking up at them with soft loving puppy eyes. Some people might have a mantra that they repeat, such as “nothing is as bad as it seems” or “I will get through this” which will remind them that they’re gonna be okay. Different things work for different people, and it can just be a case of trial and error to find out what works for you. One thing that works pretty well for me is the 54321 grounding exercise, where you name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This basically reminds your brain of the reality around you, which can stop some of the anxious brain-spiralling from happening and keep you calm (or, y’know, calmer). Also keep up the breathing thing, that’s still important. 

Distracting yourself with other stuff or talking to people can also help you to keep calm, which will make the anxiety attack slightly easier to manage. But it is also, rather unfortunately, often just a waiting game. I often find that my anxiety attacks trail off after about 20 minutes, but I’ll experience waves of anxiety (like, I’ll be fine, a minute later I’ll be panicky and cry again, a minute later I’ll be fine, a minute later I’ll be teary, etc) for several more minutes. But the attack will sort itself out, if for no other reason than you’ll exhaust yourself and your body will calm down in response to that. You just need to keep calm and keep breathing and remember than anxiety attacks don’t last forever and that you’re gonna be okay. Everything will be okay. You’ve just gotta keep breathing for, like, 20 minutes, then everything will all be okay again.

Step 4: After the anxiety attack

So you’ve survived an anxiety attack, and now you’re sitting down, wrapped in blankets, your face covered in tears and snot, and all you want to do is go to sleep and hide from the world forever. But first, you need to take care of yourself. Drink some water, especially if you’ve been crying. You’ve been out of it for a while, and humans need water to survive. If you’re feeling hungry (and you really might be hungry, anxiety attacks take a lot of energy), then grab yourself a snack and eat it slowly. You need to stay calm, so try to take things slow if you can. And then, once you’re all okay again physically, take a long long sleep if you need (or want) to. Anxiety attacks are exhausting, and a good sleep will do you the world of good. And even after you feel all better again, after you’ve drunk water and eaten food and slept, be sure to be gentle with yourself. Anxiety attacks are horrible, and you need to take proper care of yourself because your mental health and wellbeing is extremely important, you are extremely important, and you deserve to be happy, or at the very least, have not-terrible mental health.

~~~~~~~~

Le fin. (That’s French for the end. I think.)

~~~~~~~~

Anyway, thanks for reading my (extremely long) post. If any of y’all suffer with anxiety issues or anxiety attacks, I hope that you know that you’re not alone, and that there are people who can help and support you. And if you don’t have anxiety attacks, then maybe this post helped you get an idea of what they are and how the can affect people.

I love you guys, stay safe out there.

[library-with-tales]

Bungou Stray Dogs Band AU that I spontaneously came up with like a second ago.

Based off the mobile game if you haven’t noticed. Someone probably already thought of this buuuuut I like my idea so here we go:

World setting

Port Mafia, Armed Detective Agency and The Guild are music agencies while the other smaller groups are just bands (haven’t read manga yet but I’m aware there are other groups). The Special-too-long-of-a-name people are the big boy cooperation (I am so uneducated with the music world why do I do this to myself).

Port Mafia are filled with talented people yes, but they have the habit of straining the music artists sometimes (this will be relevant in a bit) and are more focused on the monz. If you want a reference, their music are on the same level as your good ol’ big pop groups, the real famous on the radio ones.

Armed Detective Agency (in this case they’re called Armed Music Agency, yes they are still armed) is a smaller agency since they prioritize quality and feelings over quantity and catchiness, which makes them pretty indie tbh, They have songs that don’t particularly appear on the radio a lot, if not, not at all. Though they’re talented all the same.

The Guild are basically the equivalent to K-pop and J-pop, not quite famous in Yokohama, but definitely famous enough to go on tour there.

Atsushi’s arc

There were a few ideas for him (music school was in the draft but I dunked it faster than I pulled it up) but it boils down to one thing: Atsushi accidentally becomes a famous singer from an old video he made when he wasn’t fully into music yet. He, being the oblivious guy he is, suddenly starts gaining fans and is beyond confused yet appreciates it very much.

Though not sure why people are calling him the Beast below The Moonlight (Plot twist, you big stupidhead, that was the title of the old song you made). He goes along with it though, calling himself Moon Tiger, which is so him honestly.

Anyways it’s not Dazai if he doesn’t try to drown himself so while Atsushi’s vibing by the open canal he just sees him. Like canon, Atsushi saves Dazai. But the thing about Atsushi is; he’s camera shy and most of his videos have him covering his face and out of camera view, so Dazai doesn’t immediately recognize him as the famous youtube singer.

As thanks, Dazai treats Atsuhi to dinner with Kunikida, and Dazai has a hunch that Atsushi is Moon Tiger so they start a small convo about it. Atsushi’s all; “ERRRRMMMMMMM” and he wants to leave until:

“Y’know, whoever Moon Tiger is, I’d totally pay a lot of money to hear him sing.” Dazai hums. Kunikida kinda agrees to this, saying how talent like his shouldn’t come totally for free. Atsushi doesn’t ask for donations or get youtube money (because he dunno how :( ) so he’s almost flat broke, and this kinda perks his interest.

“Actually, uh, I kinda know Moon Tiger. I didn’t want to bring it up because I thought you’d ask for autographs or something ha ha. I agree with the paying part.” Atsushi you’re low key greedy ngl, Pre-Bullshit Atsushi was greedy. Money-eyed hoe. “If you want I can get you to meet him, but he won’t wanna show his face so it’s gotta be somewhere he can hide himself while still being able to sing.”

“Done!” Dazai holds his hand out like it’s some sort of deal. “I know a place.”

I’m sorry Dazai, but I’m not smart or sexy as you, so I don’t know the place. Let’s go with the regular canon spot, yeah? And Dazai listens while Atsushi sings behind a big crate and when Atsushi is done, he expects money but he gets a thunderous applause instead and suddenly his identity is revealed and everyone is clapping and staring at him super amazed.

And Atsushi faints from being too overwhelmed. 

Anyways, things happen, some parts are alike to canon, some parts aren’t. Atsushi’s main goal in this AU is to get over his terrible stage fright while simultaneously trying to avoid clashing with Port Mafia, who at first, wants to recruit him before he fully signs the contract with AMA.

I don’t know how battles would work in this, but they happen.

Dazai’s backstory

So my man Dazai amirite?

Not a surprise, he used to be under Port Mafia. At some point he does numerous collabs with free lancer Chuuya because Chuuya’s little sheep band had an issue with copyright with Port Mafia (oops). 

Onto the main course though: Odasaku.

Ango is in charge of Oda and Dazai, who usually does music together because they’re friends (hurray). But Oda had long gave up on doing vocals because his throat just couldn’t handle it, he much prefers writing music and Dazai doesn’t mind because he never has extremely big ideas anyways.

A clash with Mimic happens and Mori’s all: We need more music we need to stay number one. And so -I dunno how- he forces Oda to finally use his voice to sing via Ango’s persuasion.

Oda completely loses his voice in the end, like he completely damaged it, and he can’t handle the music industry anymore so he leaves. And Dazai’s all: “Don’t go please.”

And Oda writes on his phone and holds it out for Dazai, “This agency. It doesn’t care much for music, does it? I used to sing because I liked singing, because there were feelings in it. But slowly this agency stopped me from being able to do that. Dazai. Don’t you think you should sing with feelings too? You’ve never made an opinion on my ideas, is it because you can’t or you won’t?”

And Dazai realizes he only likes doing music because of the people around him, especially Oda, and now that Oda isn’t in Port Mafia anymore, it just isn’t the same. He’s been making music to grab people’s attention and not much because he wanted to. So he decides to change and switches agencies.

(His relationship with Akutagawa is as straining as canon; “I don’t care about how you made this dumb song, it’s not good enough! How will anyone want to listen to this crap?” Now Aku’s music are catchy and all but lacking in meaning.)

Other things

Yosano’s music is pretty rough, but it literally lets all the feelings out, so it becomes pretty nice. So you know that music that cures this and cures that? That’s Yosano’s music, except it’s really hardcore. I don’t know how she does it, she just does.

Kyouka is the daughter of two big music geniuses and is expected to be the same, so she gets an immediate acceptance into Port Mafia and it nearly breaks her until Atsushi meets her. During a concert or something -because in the end, Atsushi’s still the fan boy type- Atsushi goes up to Kyouka and asks if she’s okay and stuff.

“I’ve made 35 songs, but I can’t...hear my own voice, my own music...” Your Lie in April ref do not hunt me please. 

Ranpo is known to have serious in depth meaning behind his music, and a good 20% are just matryoshka songs (he gives out stuff if you find out if his song is an in depth meaning one or just nonsense that somehow speaks meaning while having no theme at all)

Poe’s are somewhat the same as Ranpo, except they’re more like stories to be honest, and his songs get numerous fan interpretation and so far, Ranpo always gets it right. The only one who ever does without missing a beat (ha ha got em.)

Debating if I should just make Kunikida an agent or a music artist that just likes writing songs rather than performing them.

Naomi could be an idol ngl but she’s not, she’s her brother’s number one fan! (She’s a secretary in the agency.)

Chuuya’s more famous for his pretty looks than his music at this point, but it doesn’t mean he’s a shit music artist though.

Higuchi is Aku’s agent.

Kenji’s songs are so happy and go-lucky it makes anyone listening to it feel pumped up. Hence his music are often used in AMVs or sports exercise (what a range!)

Yumeno’s music are those cursed type of songs that weren’t meant to be creepy or weird to begin with (e.g Tonight You Belong To Me, it’s an innocent song yet it can be taken as horror(?)) but end up becoming one anyways.

Dazai’s songs are so sad sometimes but they’re always upbeat. A weird yet perfect balance for his listeners.

That’s all I got! Honestly, don’t really know how to develop The Guild in this, maybe one day I will. 

[aeirithgainsborough]

very Important adam/ronan things to take away from the cdth sampler:

“like the other lynch brothers, he was a regular churchgoer, but most people assumed he played for the other team.” i am SCREAMING. top tier gay joke. well timed.

everyone: ronan’s eyes aren’t pretty. adam: mhmm  e y e l a s h e s

much to say about the revelation that ronan is partly at the barns to keep his dreams hidden and in check, and how much he relates an inability to change and be like everyone else to having to stay there. almost like he’s stuck huh! i’ve been saying!!

of note that words used to describe ronan’s existence are BORED and MALINGERED.

fingers crossed he finds some balance between his dreams and his wants/needs that allows him to leave the barns and grow but after the Great Crab Disaster I’M WORRIED.

fire imagery EVERYWHERE. i’m WORRIED again.

“there are stains that spread faster than you drive. if you drive, it’ll take fourteen years to get there. seventeen. forty. one hundred. we’ll be driving to your funeral by the end.” good to know ronan is still the most DRAMATIC boy in the whole of virginia. absolutely no chill.

dont like the possible foreshadowing of that driving to your funeral by the end, though. must leave lynches alone!

“it’s very safe” asjkajjka DECLAN PLEASE 

“ronan kicked one of the volvo’s tires” asjkajjka RONAN PLEASE. 

ronan trying to act nonchalant by cramming chocolate covered peanuts into his mouth and choking a little is Peak Disaster Gay. 

matthew’s music must be awful if ronan and declan are in agreement over it, must have playlist. 

ronan who lives to pretend he doesn’t care wondering if his brothers didn’t say anything about his moving because it didn’t make a difference to them is huhhh. don’t like it, take it away pls.

i’m sorry, ENTIRELY WRAPPED UP IN! ENTIRELY! 

entirely

wrapped

up

in

shut up!!!! shut upppppp! 

“is there any version of you that could come with me to cambridge?” tbh nothing would have readied me for this. adam i-can-do-everything-alone asking ronan if he could go with him. so much growth, too much pride, nowhere to put it, send help.

the fact that ronan doesn’t stay in cambridge when he visits adam because of plausible deniability, that if he doesn’t try there’s no evidence he can’t make it there. rip. 

ronan! missed! him! like! a! lung! 

dramatic again, but entirely relatable bc damn, same ronan, same. 

a) ronan thinking about how his heartbeat is the same as everyone else’s so he wasn’t that different and b) JUST LIKE ADAM’S HEART WHEN HIS HEAD WAS RESTING ON HIS HEAD = much too much to think about. need to lie down for a bit.

he could move to follow the guy he loved!! we all knew it was love, we’ve always known it was love, but! the words. the words!!!!! brb sobbing.

i have only had jordan for a day and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself. 11/10 would marry.

art forgery plot confirmed!

THIS WAS HOW IT HAD BEGUN

bitch fkajdkajksja GIVE ME A WARNING. 

still can’t compose myself RE the info that ronan saw adam and immediately sent a desperate prayer up to god 

will the word please ever be the same again? definitely not!

adam’s arms adam’s hands his lovely! boyish! hands!

the description of his expressions with all its contradictions and multitudes is just my favourite thing ever. it encapsulates everything i love about adam fucking parrish.

and the fact that ronan instantly recognised all those multitudes in him. there was always a level of understanding ronan had for adam throughout trc that no one else did and this tells us he had that before he even met him, he just... recognised something in him i just... ;______; 

please 

ronan knowing all the harvard stats because he was the person adam could crow to, how he takes on that adam that is still full of contradictions and multitudes, how he finds it hard but he absorbs all the facts and all of adam’s anxieties, even in the face of his own anxieties about adam leaving and falling in love with the shining, educated people that ronan thinks are better than him. that absolute, unwavering support 😭😭😭

tbh there’s a whole ass lot to unpack in this section so imma try and do it briefly (she says!)

ronan lynch is a romantic cdth confirmed: 

he could have texted adam but he liked the soft surprise of it

over the past few days ronan had played his reunion with adam over in his head MANY TIMES

adam i love you but that outfit sounds awful. you are a student, it’s a friday night, put some sweats on and stuff some cheetos in your mouth. 

the sweet nervousness of their reunion, how they walk past each other and both seem so uncertain. they’re a year into dating and the still get nervous and unsure after a few weeks apart and it’s CUTE and definitely speaks to their excitement/anticipation levels.

THE WATCH. big time softness. 

they hugged hard ;_____; 

im just so relieved that they’re allowed to touch each other and be intimate and aren’t consigned to the ‘boys in love aren’t like that boring boring’ corner. 

the way ronan thinks about how adam fits as he remembered. huh. you’re really gonna do this to me.

his hand still pressed against the back of ronan’s skull the way it ALWAYS did when they hugged. 

you smell like home. you smell like home!!!!!! brb ive gone absolutely fucking feral. 

i both want to play repo because it sounds fun and don’t want to because it sounds complicated and i fucking hate instructions. much confusion. 

adam pressing his shoe hard against ronan’s and then his leg and then breathing in ronan’s ear I AM HOWLING. ronan’s nerve endings being made a marvel of I AM SOBBING. it’s very important that m/m ships are afforded the same level of explicit attraction as m/f (and i don’t mean explicit as in nsfw, i mean as in obvious)

no offence because i love them but all of adam’s friends sound Extra™

“to the outside eye, ronan lynch was a loser” pls ronan, you are giving me an ulcer.

scary spice i asjkjdkjskdjak

queer crying club! i stan!!

also adam saying in the epilogue of trk that he wanted to save all the adam’s hidden in plain view and then going to college and scooping up all the criers and giving them something to do is far too much to handle.

don’t think about that and the time he thought about how he used to spend his nights crying on the trailer steps and wondering why he bothered until gansey came along and offered him friendship. dont think about how he’s essentially paying that forward DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

hand holding, arms around each other, hip to hip walking, can’t wait anymore kissing, I MISSED YOU. love that for me! 

but also the fact that adam reaches down for ronan’s hand and its so natural. ronan’s hand is there so he just. takes it. 

hearing ronan’s thoughts on what happened with robert at last is A Lot. the way it’s still happening, always happening, kept fresh and savage shows how affected ronan was by it all and still is and i think its so important that he’s not just. angry and hot headed. there’s more to it than that. its painful, it makes him feel sick, its unending and it really speaks to how much adam means to him. 

adam thinks he has no one BITCH YOU’VE GOT ALL OF US. 

and ronan. 

but. how he feels like he has nothing still. the way his voice hitches on ‘because’ because it’s all still so painful. i wanna wrap him up. i wanna take everything that hurts away. i wanna tell him he’s so loved. guess i’ll just have to sit back and watch him work his way through it all I GUESS. no but i am looking forward to his growth in this trilogy, especially considering how much he’s grown already. adam parrish invented character growth lets 👏 be 👏 real 👏

it had never been a fight between them/it was a fight between adam and himself, between adam and the world/for ronan it was a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced. i LOVE this. it so well encapsulates them. and it’s so important that they can realise their differing world views and their complexities and meet in the middle somewhere.

“ronan put his lips on adam’s deaf ear, and he hated adam’s father” FUCK ME UP. my absolute favourite bit 103930%. absolute incoherent mess over here. not! okay! see other post for more coherency because i only had it for 5.7 minutes. 

frowning, guarded, crumpled adam who i’ll literally. never be over in all of my life. 38983/10 will love him until the end of time. 

i want it too much. !!!!!! going feral again over here. WHAT DO YOU WANT ADAM? I WANT IT TOO MUCH. definitely will never shut up about this. 

scared adam is going to be a visionary so pretending chapter 6 doesn’t exist. 

LINDENMERE ;________;

i love it already

i CANNOT believe that ronan is being dream invaded and challenged and he’s over here like hmm nice bike ELEGANT and ROUGH and READY like ADAM asjkasj please ronan you are so embarrassing!! 

also. ronan thinks adam is elegant and rough and ready so! there’s that!

i literally. cannot. cope with the HILARITY of chapter 8. the whole thing is a complete and utter DISASTER. it’s absolutely gone off in adam’s room after all his work at constructing a well put together boy. ronan comes for a night and everything goes BONKERS. amazing. 

(really worried about what this means RE ronan being able to exit the barns and grow and change and not be bored and not feel like a loser so we’re focusing on the hilarious disaster of it all.)

p.s. adam sleeping slotted between ronan and the wall OKAY. THIS IS FINE! 

p.p.s. adam’s bed hair is WILD. 

p.p.p.s i have missed adam and ronan so so so so so much and im an emotional fucking wreck

[silverlightqueen]

k-pop opinions

so y’all I was watching some unpopular kpop opinion videos on youtube and omg, a bitch has so much to say like they were all just so wrong, so here I am with some of my opinions (and idk how to make youtube videos so you’re just gonna have to settle for this)

disclaimer: if you disagree with any of my opinions…. I don’t care lmao

1.      BTS vocal line is fantastic and versatile 

I’m not gonna claim to be a musical expert here, but all four of the boys in the vocal line are so talented. everyone hypes rap line (and they deserve it too) but I rarely see stuff about how amazing vocal line is, and they’re so versatile (examples = Jin in Awake and Dionysus, Jimin in Lie and Serendipity, Taehyung in Stigma and DNA, and Jungkook in Boy In Luv and Begin). also, to those who say BTS can’t sing well live, here are some videos to prove that wrong

 Hold Me Tight - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsQget6baP8 (Jimin’s high note though🤩)

Fire - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbSy36fu6Pk

Save Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BN-atw8wCw

Spring Day - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMqmnhgNLXY (ft Hoseok’s beautiful vocals too)

Stigma - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwoPKn_qh8k (Tae literally ate a CD before this, idc)

Let Me Know - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIKjNauCHzc (another Jimin high note)

Awake - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gCt0UlkMZU (my favourite Jin performance of all time)

Begin - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqUejlb0z1o (JK’s stability also needs a shoutout because damn, he could be running a marathon and his voice is still stable asf)

Euphoria - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oRxgvoDCc (that little switch up he did in the bridge whilst flying through the air omg)

 2.      Twice’s cute concept suits them and that’s it

before I got into Kpop, I used to just see at as cringy bubblegum pop and never saw myself liking that. and then I heard Twice’s Fancy. that shit slaps and I won’t hear anything else. the girls pull off the cute concept so well, and the outfits and mv visuals are amazing like Twice is owning it. I’m not really a Twice fan but I’ve listened to some of their other title tracks and I think they’re really good, like Twice do the cute concept really well. also, Mina, Sana, Nayeon and Jihyo’s vocals during the bridge give me chills, they sound amazing)

 3.      if idols can’t sing/rap/perform well live, they shouldn’t be idols

I’m not aiming this at anyone in particular, so don’t get mad and start defending your faves in the comments, but the whole kpop culture is live performances. idols do live performances all the time, much more often than western artists, and so it is so important that they can perform live well. this includes vocal stability, volume, strength, breath control, everything.

 4.      stop putting female artists in dresses/skirts so short that we can see their shorts underneath

performing live to an audience is hard; I know, I’m a dancer, and I’ve done it (not to audiences as big as ones of k-pop artists obviously, but the point still stands). when you’re onstage, you want more than anything to feel comfortable so you can give a performance to the best of your ability and feel proud of yourself afterwards. I’m sorry, but I find it hard to believe that these female idols feel comfortable dancing in clothes that are so short and so tight. they can barely move properly, which limits the effort they can put into the choreography, making them seem lazy. I’m not saying this because I disagree with sKiMpY cLoTHiNg but I just think it’s ridiculous and must be uncomfortable for the female idols. it also limits the complexity of their choreographies, which is when you get shitty, boring and unentertaining choreographies, in comparison to some boy group choreographies. I’m sorry, but if I was following certain boy groups performances at an award show with a simple choreography like ddu-du ddu-du (no shade, I love it, it’s just simple), I’d be a little bit embarrassed lol

 5.      Blackpink have so much potential and YG just doesn’t use it

I don’t even know where to start. there isn’t a single blackpink song out there that I don’t like; their vocals and rap are good, choreography and visuals are good, everything is good. but they could be so much better. first of all, Rosé’s voice is so beautiful and unique and I don’t know why they make her sing in that stupid voice. it’s going to start damaging her voice soon enough and I don’t know why they do it. second, Jisoo’s voice is so amazing and she always has the least lines. I just think her voice is beautiful but she’s so underused in their songs. third, Lisa is such a good dancer, but the Blackpink choreographies don’t do her justice. they need to give her little solo bits in the choreos or something because her talent is just going to waste.

 6.      Blackpink are overhyped

controversial, and before y’all start, I love Blackpink like tattoo blonde Jennie in the KTL teaser on my forehead please, but it needs to be said; Blackpink don’t deserve the hype they get. this point links in with the point above because omg they literally have like 15 songs, and they’ve been around for like 3 years. they haven’t even released a full album like damn YG be clowning us, stanning a group that’s never released an album. I’m sorry, but they get so much hype, when there are other groups out there, that are so much more versatile, their choreographies are better, their songs are better, they’re just better in general. I’m not blaming the bp girls for this because we all know it’s YG’s fault. if maybe they had the chance, with better choreographies, better songs, better everything, then they would be deserving of the hype they get

 7.      STOP SENDING HATE TO BLACKPINK WHEN IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT, IT’S YG THEY’RE THE MOST HATED ON GIRL GROUP AND THEY DON’T DESERVE IT LEAVE THEM ALONE

8.      NCT 127 line distribution is a joke and I don’t know why it hasn’t been spoken about more

the fact that in Regular, Taeyong and Mark both have more than 30 seconds each, and Winwin doesn’t even have a full 5 seconds is ridiculous. in Cherry Bomb, Taeyong and Mark both have more than 40 seconds and Johnny has less than 9. SM need to distribute lines between them more effectively, or cut down the members in the group (and one of them is a much better choice than the other). they’re all talented but SM only seems to recognise Taeyong and Mark and idk why tbh.

 9.      being told to stan someone will make me want to stan them even less

no shade at the group themselves, but all I see on twitter is Loona stans saying to stan Loona (it’s not just Loona but that’s the one that comes to mind). you telling me to stan them doesn’t make me want to stan them. I’m sure they’re super talented and nice people, but I now have no desire to find that out for myself.

 10.   ARMY are constantly being shit on for being a nEgATiVe fAnBaSe when the majority of ARMY are amazing, generous and kind people

obviously, every fanbase has toxic fans, that goes without saying, but for some reason, ARMY has a reputation amongst the kpop community for being toxic and negative, and I just don’t see it. every time someone who doesn’t know about BTS tweets about them, all the replies are ARMYs gently and kindly educating them, giving them links and pictures so they can learn more. they’ve donated so much money to charity and done so many charitable things under the boys names, and the ARMY community is just full of amazing wonderful people. stop shitting on us for no reason, y’all just hate us because your faves probably like them too lol

 11.   you can’t call yourself a stan of a group if you don’t like all the members

in my opinion, I don’t see how someone could call themselves an ARMY if they don’t like all of BTS, a Once if you don’t like all of Twice, a blink if you don’t like all of Blackpink, an EXO-L if you don’t like all of EXO, a NCTzen if you don’t like all of NCT, etc. imagine the members’ reactions, like I just don’t think you can be a stan if you don’t like all of them members.

 12.   FANCY IS A BOP I KNOW I’VE ALREADY SAID IT BUT I DON’T CARE, I WILL LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, LIKE I’LL PLAY THAT BITCH AT MY WEDDING LMAO

 13.   please stop putting people into groups just for their looks

like I’m sorry but how can you put someone who can’t sing/dance/rap into a kpop group, make it make sense. by doing that, it also teaches people that you can get far based on your looks and your looks only (and don’t start bringing models into this because y’all know damn well it’s not the same thing). I get the idea of a visual, sure, but if they can’t sing or rap as well, what’s the point? 

 14.   STOP CALLING NAMJOON AND JIN BAD DANCERS. THEY MUST HAVE SEEN THAT SHIT ON TWITTER (AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT IHEART RADIO THING) AND HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES THEM FEEL AFTER THE YEARS OF HARD WORK AND EFFORT THEY’VE PUT INTO THEIR DANCING. THE FACT IS THAT THEY CAN PROBABLY DANCE BETTER THAN MOST OF Y’ALL SO SHUT IT AND LET THE SYNCHRONISATION IN SAVE ME AT KCON TALK INSTEAD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bija-HneHNI

 15.   Not Today’s line distribution is still a joke and I will never get over it

Jin has less than 5 seconds and JK has over a minute. I don’t think I need to say anything else because y’all should agree with me

 16.   kpop culture is so toxic and then y’all wonder why locals call us crazy

fanwars, solo stans, streaming wars, ‘maybe they should’ve stanned ___’, etc. are just some of the things that back this statement up. not just the culture with stans, but also the companies and idol lifestyle is really bad, overworking idols is one thing that bothers me, but mainly the whole weight thing. the fact that trainees literally starve themselves to fit the companies’ standards is so wrong and disgusting on so many levels. people don’t have to be stick thin to be successful like I don’t understand. it’s so unhealthy, it puts lives in danger, and it also encourages fatphobia.

 17.   STREAM EPIPHANY BITCHES ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIkZOLsnoqY )

 18.   you’re allowed to stan one member of a group, but hating on other members of that group or liking all members and hating on one is trash and you deserve no rights if you do that

that’s it from me, discuss and debate with me in the comments or drop me an ask (but don’t bother sending hate bc i’ll just ignore you lol), if this doesn’t flop I’ll do some more bc god knows I've got enough to say...…. um stream epiphany and fancy bye

[katrinajg]

Hello! Are you still doing that fic ask meme? If so, could I please ask 9, 10 (bless your soul for choosing this rarepair), and 13 for ISSH! So, so much love for this fic! It's quite literally one of my fav fallout fics ever.

I totally am! Frankly, fanfic authors love the opportunity to gush about their work and I am no exception to this rule! 

Okay so 9: Are there alternate versions of Insert Something? The short answer is yes! The long one is that I have two that I currently bat around in my head when a current chapter is being a pain or I’m stuck on where to go next. 

The first au fic is one where after the Outcasts kill everyone in Vault 101 and Deacon or Jack as he’s known then goes to Sarah Lyons and demands to know who it was, instead of her basically telling Jack to get f*cked, she instead goes with her gut reaction to the situation and not her ‘Elder Lyons’ reaction she actually had, and tells Jack everything he needs to know. Helping him find justice because even for all the things she believes in regards to the Brotherhood what the Outcasts did was wrong on so many levels. 

So Jack never leaves the Captial Wasteland and he and Sarah pursue a stronger relationship with each other and Jack end up integrating into the Brotherhood, helping change them in the way that he thinks they should be, a help to the Captial and its people, rather than a burden. He sort ends up Second to Sarah’s Elder. Then she’s killed as per canon, and instead of choosing Maxon to lead them, the Brotherhood senior officers choose Jack. Fast forward to Danse’s company going to the Commonwealth (along with Maxon), but instead of a ‘let’s find and horde all the tech we can’, Jack’s Brotherhood has changed enough to want to help/explore what’s left of America. 

Then they get that Insitute signal and communicate back to the Captial. Jack is reluctant to just go in with the Prydwen, guns blazing, like Maxon does in canon, he doesn’t want to start a war if they can avoid it. So he takes a team to the Commonwealth to assess the situation personally and whether they need to get more involved than just a meet and great with the citizens of the Commonwealth. Rest is then history from there. Still a Nick/Deacon fic, just more politics and negotiations and less Railroad sneaking around. 

Second au is more or less the same as the current fic, only instead of things like stims and RadAway, plasma rifles and laser pistols, and power armour, the post-apocalyptic world of Fallout is full of magic. Bombs still fell, wiped out people, but instead of nuclear power and atoms, there’s a gut of magic harness from the natural world that was turned into a weapon and then that was used in the Great War. So things like ghouls and feral still exist, but not as irradiated creatures, but things twisted by magic turned so far from its original purpose that it’s not a help, but a harm.

The regular citizens of the Wasteland have primitive magic compared to what the Old-World once wielded, enough to help crops grow and heal injury and syphon off poisonous magic, but people like Deacon/Jack who grew in a Vault or are a part of the Brotherhood or Enclave have a greater control and command of magic, know spells that were lost to those regular people through the destruction of the war. 

The Institue having the greatest command of magic, even so far as to invent new ways of using it and creating golems. Creatures of dirt and clay animated by magic. They were primitive at first, looking barely human, then they began to progress, allowing the transfer of memories of deceased humans to them (Nick) to live again and ultimately becoming so sophisticated that there is virtually no way to tell the difference between them and humans. 

So yeah, those are my au’s.

Now for 10: Why this pairing? Well, to be honest, when I first started plotting this fic in my head it was going to be Deacon/MacCready, because Mac is just so adorable and there’s a history there with MacCready knowing The Lone Wanderer -which will come up in the actual fic. But after writing the first chapter and realizing that it wasn’t just going to be a 15k one-shot, but something a little longer than that (didn’t think it’d get THIS long, though. LOL) I realized that wasn’t going to work for me with what I had planned. So then I thought about the most compatible person, the one that would challenge Deacon and his Lone Wanderer past, who could be an equal, and the answer was obvious: Nick Valentine. Like that Maroon 5 song says, “It was always you; can’t believe I could not see it all this time! It was always you!” From there it just worked so well that it seemed like it was meant to be. Deacon/Nick forever. :D

Lastly, lucky number 13: What music? When I write I listen to a mix of lore friendly music. I love swing and old school jazz and old country/folk music from the 20′s to the 50′s. That was already my wheelhouse, so I added the FO4, soundtrack to my FO3 and FO:NV playlist, along with the great songs on the WRVR mod, and my own selection including: The Andrew Sisters, Bing Crosby, Hank Snow, Patsy Cline, Ray Charles, Danny Kaye, Tom T. Hall, Billie Holiday, Fred Astaire, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and various show tunes from movies of that era: ie) Music Man. As well as four different John Philip Sousa band numbers: ‘The Washington Post’ (obviously, since Deacon whistles it all the time), ‘The Stars and Stripes Forever’, ‘Manhattan Beach’, and ‘Semper Fi’. (I’m not American, but I just love the complexity and brilliance of those songs and they’re catchy as all get out.)

I am so glad to hear that you enjoy my fic and my writing (and art too)! You’ve really made my day with this ask! (If I’m late in replying, sorry!) I hope this mass of rambly words is of interest to you. :D

[incurableoptimistest1994]

This is what happy looks like 😁 So I have some BIG and VERY EXCITING and VERY GOOD news for y'all... as of Friday, I am officially discharged from psychological services!!! YAY!!! Now, I will remain on what's know as The Safety Net List, meaning should I have a relapse/flair up, I can call and get an appointment asap... but I no longer need regular input from my psychologist. It's incredibly difficult for me to put into words what an utterly life changing experience my two years of therapy have been. I think the simplest way is to say this; therapy saved my life. During my last appointment with Richard (my amazing psychologist), he asked me to fill in a final questionnaire assessing my mental health. When I'd finished and he'd added up the score and told me I'm now in the healthy range, he asked me to take a look at the exact same questionnaire, filled in two years ago during my first appointment... the difference was just so drastic. My first questionnaire ranked me as suicidal. And I was. I had reached a point where I thought ending my life was the best thing for both me and my loved ones. This is very difficult for me to write about, but I'm doing it for one simple reason; to show other people with mental health problems that no matter how bad, how dark, how terrifying, how pointless, how painful life seems, with the right help, things. Will. Get. Better. Do not misunderstand; my journey has not been easy. It the beginning I attended two or three appointments a week, then one a week, then one a fortnight, then monthly, then every other month, then three monthly. I have worked, HARD. I have cried (like, a lot), laughed, ranted, yelled, given up, got back up, and did a shitload of research. My psychology A level came very much in handy, as did Cardiff library, and the good ol' internet... before long I was taking theories and techniques Richard had taught me and finding bigger, better, newer versions! I use a feelings journal, took up colouring, stuck out and then found joy in guitar lessons. When words failed, I drew pictures of how I felt, physically and emotionally. And when all else failed, I used music 🎶 I made a whole playlist entitled Therapy, after the song by All Time Low, and added a song per seasion. As a thank you gift, I presented Richard with this playlist, spanning six CDs, and a handwritten list of all the songs, along with the reasons I chosen them. I have other playlists, too; Songs To Stay Alive For, which exists to remind me of all the goodness and beauty in the world. Chillax; a calming playlist that counteracts panic attacks. This Too Shall Pass; a playlist designed to help deal with physical pain. And my personal favourite; Positive Associations; a 600 strong list of songs that are all associated with moments of pure joy in my life. I write quotes in a whiteboard in my room, to help me deal with whatever struggles I'm facing this week. I do yoga several times a week. I take the time to do my nails. I take time to do things just for me; nail art, putting on make up, reading Cosmopolitan, drinking a pot of tea in the morning. I eat better, and make sure I get enough sleep. I've studied and learned CBT, mindfulness, emotional awareness, and a dozen other psych techniques. One of my favourite techniques was chosen by Richard to appeal to my neesiness... it's called the De Spock vs Captain Kirk theory... basically, I imagine my emotions as the erratic Captain Kirk, and Spock as my calm, logical side. It's much easier to calm down during a panic arrack when you're imagining Spock standing beside you, calmly repeated "you're fear is illogical"! I can also now identify my Obsessive Compulsive thought, using The Trump Technique. Basically, you imagine any negative, scary and untrue thoughts are being said by someone you hate; in my case, it was Umbridge from the Harry Potter books! It's really easy telling her that she's wrong and needs to shut up! But the most important change I've made in the last two years is this: I talk. Now, I'm sure those who know me must be saying "dude, you've always been a chatterbox!". Very true... but I had developed the habit of bottling up all the things that most upset me; anger, sadness, pain. I bottled these up, and tried to keep from showing them to my family, friends or carers. I thought that sharing my pain would only hurt my loved ones... I've learnt that those who love me the most have always known when I'm hurting... and they much prefer it when I talk to them about that hurt. A burden shared is a burden halved, after all. Learning to really talk to my family, friends and care team has been the most important change I've made to my life. Two years ago, I would only express the true extent anger, sadness or pain to my therapist... I would only cry, to my therapist. Now my loved ones are my therapists... and what a team I have! I have to mention some people here, because I honestly wouldn't have been able to walk the path of psychological therapy if these people hadn't walked beside me and held my hand... in fact, I'd go so far as to say that they picked my sorry ass up and carried me down the path of recovery, in the beginning! Caroline and Stephen Davies; thank you for giving me this beautiful life. Thank you for always being there for me, always loving me, always supporting me, always cheering me on, and always being the incredible people you are. Thank you for teaching me determination, strength, grace under pressure, and to live by The Pollyanna Theory. Thank you for making sure my life is incredible; you've given me some amazing experiences and awesome people. I can't put into words what you guys are to me, what you mean to me... know you are my heroes, and that I love you to the moon and back. I'm so glad we have a happier, healthier relationship now. Connor James, Jade King, Jacob Clapham, Arran Morgan; thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for making me laugh when I felt like crying. Thank you for keeping me grounded in the real world. Thank you for knowing exactly when to talk about the hard stuff, and when to talk about Tom Dayleys Abbs. Thank you for the hand holding and cwtches... and for the kick up the arse, when I needed it! But most of all... thank you for always loving me, even when I really wasn't very lovable. Your friendship and love was a key part of my recovery. When I really hated who I was, Richard asked me to name four friends who's opinion I trusted explicitly. I named you guys... he asked me if you guys would hang out with a horrible person. I said no.... he asked me why I thought you all kept hanging out with me, then?! I replied, simply, because they love me for who I am. After that, whenever my OCD demon was whispering horrible things about me in my ear, I simply remind myself that you guys thought I was pretty awesome. Seeing how you loved me taught me to love myself again. I can never thank you enough for all you do for me, or put explain how much your friendship impacts my life, or put into words how much I love you guys ❤️ The same goes for Ruth Clapham, Alan Davies, John and Ann Davies... I could keep going for a very long time, but I'm gonna stop here. Just know that the people closest to me made my recovery possible. I want to thank my neurologist Jenny Thomas for offering to refer me to psychology every three months for the past eight years. She never forced me into therapy, because she knew that it wouldn't work if I decided I didn't want or need it. Instead, she kept on offering me the choice of therapy, until I was ready to accept it. I told her this during our appointment Friday, and she just laughed and said "I wouldn't be much or a dr if I didn't offer you every treatment available, now would I?!". I thanked her for saving my life and she simply replied that it was Richard and I who did all the hard work... I told her that she was the one who found and ferried me to the right services, something that doesn't often happen regarding mental health problems. She just said this; "Amy, you're the one who did all the hard work. And I just want to say that I'm so, so very proud of you. I'm not going to say you've become a different person, because you haven't, and you never needed to.. but all that horrible anxiety, the obsessive behaviour, the bouts of depression, are gone. You've grown into an even more incredible young woman, one who seems very happy with her life, and who's got her eye on a good future. I'm just really proud I get to be a part of your journey, and your life. Keep up the good work.". Needless to say, I was happy crying at the end of our appointment! And now I need to try and thank the most important person in my journey through the world of therapy, my psychologist, Richard. Richard first met me when I was literally at my worst... but he was able to look at this broken girl and see how I could build myself back up, brighter and better than before. And this is the most wonderful thing about how Richard worked with me; he told me right from the beginning that any truer recovery had to come from me... he would help, my loved ones would help, but I had to be the one putting in all the work. This man spent two years listening to all my deepest, darkest thoughts, and was always able to help me see the light. It's impossible really for me to say how important Richard is to me and my life, after all, he saved it. My mother and I often say he ranks somewhere between the Angel Gabriel, and Jesus. He's an incredible guys. And I'm so, so grateful I met him. At the end of our appointment on Friday, and filling in the compulsory questionnaire and re-reading my old one, I tried to thank Richard for all his help and just ended up blubbering... happy tears; what a strange, yet utterly marvellous things, eh?! And he sat opposite me and said; "I can honestly say that in all my years as a psychologist, I've never worked with anyone as determined as you, Amy-Claire... at the end of our first appointment I sat here and thought 'this kid is suicidal, and she's going to be in therapy for a decade'. Yet here we are, just two years later, discharging you! Now, has you're OCD gone? No. Has your ptsd gone? No... has the depression or anxiety gone altogether? No... but they no longer rule your life... you, rule them. And I can honestly say I've never had another patient work as hard as you have to improve their mental health, and I've never had another patient so determined to educate themselves about their mental health. I am, put simply, in awe of you. I can't wait to see what else you're going to do with your life, because I know it's going to be absolutely amazing!! And I want to say I'm honoured to be a part of you life. I've learned a great deal from you, Amy-Claire... and I'm very glad you're still coming to Rookwood to see Jenny, because I'll still get to see you and your colourful outfits!". Needless to say, this just made me Happy Cry harder. Richard, it's been an honour. I'd say it's been a pleasure... which it has... but it's also been a pain! It was most definitely worth it though. I hope I don't need to see you for a very long time! I will always have mental health problems. I will battle my OCD, PTSD, Anxiety and Depression every day, for the rest of my life. But I can honestly now say that I win most of these battles.... and I know I'll win the war, someday! My mental health problems are just a small part of my life, not my whole life. And I am now equipped to deal with them myself. That's what therapy was: someone handing me sturdy shoes to run in, a torch to light up the dark, water when I'm thirsty, food when I'm hungry, and a sword and shield to battle my demons with. It's been a hell of a two years. I'm so glad I was here to live them.