#it’s my bunny’s birthday too so I drew them together<3

[sargeantsarmy]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FIREBREAK!!!!!!

[e-dubbc11]

Take a Lap Pt. 3

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google. Bottom left and bottom right are actually mine, I took them in my hometown.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: A couple of swear words, fluffy bunnies and unicorns. Some angst and tears and a cheesy yet happy ending.

Word Count: 6.9k-ish

Summary: Part 3 of 3. You and Billy are becoming very close, training together, he gets to know your family, and spending more time together not training but of course, it wouldn’t be a Billy Russo fic without conflict before he competes in his very first triathlon.

A/N: A couple of the pictures in my moodboard I took myself, one of my hobbies is photography. It’s just so pretty where I live. I had a lot of fun writing this series, and I hope you enjoyed it also.

PART 1

PART 2

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

After a relatively successful first open water swim on Thursday morning, you and Billy spent the late morning at his hotel and in the early afternoon, you took him to lunch and for a nice walk in downtown Mystic.

The two of you took some pictures together overlooking the water. It was a typical July day in New England, hot and humid. The sun was out from behind the fluffy white clouds and even though it was hot, your body temperature seemed to stay cooler because of your early morning swim in the river.

The water was still a little chilly but not bad so it kept your body temperature down while everyone else walking around, you could see the beads of sweat on their foreheads, the sweat stains on their shirts, and their sunburned faces.

“Ya know, baby. It’s really hot out but I don’t really feel it.” Billy said.

“Your body will take a little longer to heat up thanks to the swim in the river this morning, Billy.” You said with a warm smile.

He stopped to take in the view, the sunlight dancing across the water, the large wooden ships in the distance, and the kayakers paddling towards you heading for the overpass. Billy looked…content.

“It’s beautiful here, y/n. I remember you describing it but you really do have to see it.” He said, reaching for your hand and bringing it up to his lips to kiss your knuckles.

“Yeah, this is home for me. I really do love it here.” You stated, still holding Billy’s hand.

He didn’t want you to leave him, he kept you at arm’s length all day, and you would even catch him staring at you sometimes whether you were reading the menu at the restaurant or watching the boats go by in the river. He never took his eyes away from you.

“I have to let you go soon, don’t I.” There was no hiding the disappointment in his voice.

You didn’t want to leave him either but this weekend was supposed to be about seeing your family but maybe there was a way to do both, aside from the birthday party.

“Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Ease into it because my entire family can be a bit much so you could just meet my parents and my brothers. That could be a nice warm up for you.” You said nervously, not knowing if he’d go for it or not.

“A warm up, huh?” He asked. “Do you ever stop coaching?” He asked, laughing a little.

“It’s too soon, isn’t it. I’m scaring you, aren’t I.” You choked out.

He continued to laugh. “No, no you’re not scaring me, sweet girl. I’d really like that.”

Billy drew you in close to his chest, he pulled his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose so his eyes weren’t hidden away anymore, he wanted you to see them and he wanted you to know that he was more than ok meeting your family.

Looking up at him through your dark lashes, you knew he wasn’t lying. Billy brushed under your chin with his fingers, tilted your face towards his and delicately pressed his lips to yours. The scent of his cologne was intoxicating, it mixed with the light scent of sunscreen and salt water that hung in the air.

“You would?” You asked him nervously.

He flashed you his perfect smile. “Of course I would. I just have one question.” He said.

“What’s that?” You said with a concerned tone to your voice.

Billy kissed you on the forehead. “What kind of flowers does your mom like?”

“The kind that smell nice.” You said with a wink.

You made him laugh again. “I think I can work with that.”

**********

Dinner with your family went pretty well. Your brothers and stepfather seemed to approve, your mom did too although she did wonder out loud why someone like Billy, who was handsome, polite, charming, and successful, wasn’t dating someone more in his “league.” She basically took a jab at you for working at a job you love instead of doing something that she approved of or considered “successful.”

Billy stood up for you even though he didn’t have to. “Your daughter is a wonderful person, ma’am. She’s funny, a hard worker, giving, she’s beautiful inside and out, and she’s an excellent teacher and coach. I’ve learned so much from her, and you should be really proud of her.”

It was the first time in a long time your mother was actually speechless.

You found yourself alone in the kitchen for a minute while everyone else was outside by the pool, Billy stepped inside and caught you brushing the tears away from your face.

“Oh so you’re hiding in here…hey what’s wrong, sweet girl?” Billy asked.

You tried to put a smile on your face. “You didn’t have to do that, Billy. I’m kind of used to being a disappointment to my mother, at least she has two other kids that she’s proud of.”

“Look at me, y/n.” He said firmly. “I didn’t say anything out there that wasn’t true. If she can’t see that, then that’s on her but you’ve NEVER disappointed me…NEVER!”

His thumbs caught the fresh tears that streaked down your cheeks.

“Alright, maybe a little bit when you suggested I wear a Speedo but that’s the only time.” Billy joked.

You cracked a smile and even chuckled a little bit.

“There it is, there’s that beautiful smile.” He said.

Pushing yourself up onto your toes, your lips met his and your nails scraped gently against his scalp. You could tell he loved it when you did that, he always closed his eyes and lightly pressed his forehead to yours.

“Thank you, Billy.” You whispered in his ear.

If you weren’t in love with him before, you definitely were now. Billy wasn’t the only one who had a hard time expressing his feelings, you weren’t sure that your feelings would be reciprocated so you held back even though it pained you to do so. You wanted to tell him more than anything how you felt about him but it scared you so you just kept it to yourself…for now.

You just enjoyed the moment of him holding you, picking you up and placing you on the kitchen counter, looking up at you with his deep brown eyes and kissing you with a passion that told you he never wanted to let you go.

You were interrupted by one of your brothers walking through the door and saying “Ummm, we put food on that counter ya know.”

“OMGoodness, you have the WORST timing, ya know!” You snapped but couldn’t help cracking a smile.

Your brother extended his arm to shake Billy’s hand. “Thank you for sticking up for my sister, Bill. Our mother doesn’t always realize the things she says are sometimes hurtful and not helpful. I try and remind her of that but you beat me to it this time, so thank you. It’s definitely cool if you date my sister.”

The look on Billy’s face as your brother was talking to him was priceless. You could see he really appreciated being told that he was “good enough,” after going through his entire life thinking he would never be good enough for anyone. Tears of sorrow were replaced with happy tears and your brother hugged you until he squeezed all of the air out of your lungs.

“Alright, good talk. I’ll see you guys out there. Ready…BREAK!” Your brother said as he walked outside and left you and Billy in the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear.

**********

Your visit home had turned into a balancing act of training, alone time with Billy, and quality time spent with your family which you think you did a pretty good job of.

Friday morning’s swim was better than Thursday’s. You pushed him a little harder, pushed him to go a little bit faster and he still only went off course a couple of times. Billy was still disappointed in himself for going off course but his time improved anyway so you praised him for that.

“40 minutes this time, Billy. And that’s even with you losing your way for a minute. You’re doing really well.” You said.

A sly smile spread across his face. “So do I get a reward, sweet girl?” He asked.

“Mr. Russo, I’ve ‘rewarded’ you plenty of times so far this weekend and it’s been two days.” You pinched his chin with your forefinger and your thumb before kissing him. “I do have to help set up for the party so I can’t stay out with you all afternoon. You can come help too if you don’t have any other plans.”

“Well, I just have to get a birthday present for your brother but I could come by after that.” He said.

His answer surprised you. “Billy…that’s very sweet of you but you don’t have to get him a present.”

“Uh, I was invited to a birthday party, of course I need to bring a gift.” Billy said.

Aside from the little bit of tension between you and your mother, the weekend so far had been more than you could have ever dreamed it could be. When you agreed to help Billy train for the triathlon, you didn’t expect to fall for him. He made it hard not to, especially once he started opening up to you when he didn’t have to.

Guys like Billy didn’t form attachments because they could be used against them, he was taught they made him weak, and he never wanted to be appear defenseless. The perfect soldier wasn’t emotional, never left themselves unprotected, they did their job and walked away. Billy Russo is the perfect soldier, or rather he was the perfect soldier until he met you.

“Ok handsome, let’s hit the showers and you can take me to lunch.” You said with a slight smile.

Billy smiled back. “Sounds perfect.” He said.

**********

Saturday morning’s swim, Billy did even better than the day before. He improved his time by another five minutes and even came close to catching up to you but the smile that stretched across his face when you told him his time was so pure, like a child on Christmas morning.

“So close! I almost caught you, y/n!” He exclaimed.

You weren’t sure you had ever seen him that excited before and it’s not like you weren’t trying or letting him catch up to you. He was pushing himself harder each time to try and beat you, and if Billy was going to beat you, he was going to have to earn it. You never let anyone win.

“Almost isn’t winning, Russo. You know that! But you’ve improved so much, Billy and I am SO proud of you.” You said throwing your arms around his neck, catching him a little off guard. When he caught you, he fell backwards, taking you with him and landing with a big splash.

When you finally recovered from your laughter and finished drying off, Billy kissed your forehead and said he wanted to tell you something.

“Baby, I can’t remember the last time I had a weekend like this. It’s just been so—nice. I almost don’t want to leave tomorrow.” He said staring out at the water, his toes wiggling in the sand, and you observing how happy Billy looked.

He just stared at the view in front of him in amazement, squinting a little from the glare reflecting off of the water, little beads of water dripping from his raven colored hair and marking the sand with small round indentations and then washing away with the incoming tide.

For a brief moment, you were frozen in time, not wanting the weekend to be over yet either but you still had one more day and one last open water swim before you leave tomorrow. Both the river and Billy’s face were calm and quiet, you almost didn’t want to disturb him.

“We have one more swim tomorrow morning, handsome. But you’re right, it has been nice. I’ve had a really great time with you.” Your voice hitched a little.

Billy turned away from the water to look at you, the sun hitting his face and warming the color of his eyes. They never veered away from you as he closed the gap between your bodies, your pulse quickening and the butterflies stirring, waiting in anticipation for him to place his lips on yours.

The comfort you felt in Billy’s embrace was soothing, you were safe in his arms and he was safe in yours as he captured your lips with his own. The sun warmed your faces, drying the water on your skin as your lips parted slightly, tasting the salt on his soft lips. A slight moan escaped your lips as he placed gentle kisses along your jaw and down your neck.

“Mmmmm…we have a party to get to, Mr. Russo.” You hummed, with a slightly disappointed tone to your voice.

“Alright beautiful, I guess we should get goin’.” He grumbled, matching your disappointed tone. “Oh I got your brother a really cool drone. You think he’ll like it?” He asked.

“Oh he’s a giant man child, so he’s gonna love that. You did good, baby.”

You gave Billy a quick kiss on the cheek and he took you home so you could get ready for the party while he went back to his hotel to get ready. You couldn’t wait to see him later.

**********

Everything about the party was a success. There were a lot of laughs, good food, games, and music. Billy never let you wander too far, he just wanted you to stay close and you couldn’t blame him. Your family could be a bit aggressive with the questions and there were a couple of times where you mouthed to him “I’m sorry.” But he handled himself really well. Even your mother seemed to behave for the most part.

Your brother was ecstatic over the gift that Billy gave him. “Sis!! Bill got me a drone! It’s fuckin’ awesome!”

Your mother was quick to jump in. “LANGUAGE!”

The evening was capped off with a fireworks display in the front yard. Your brother wanted fireworks for his birthday because, why not?

Billy leaned in to tell you he had a great time. “Everyone made me feel so—welcome, baby. I don’t know how to thank you or thank your family.”

“You just did, handsome. And you’re very welcome.” You snaked your arms around his waist.

He kissed the top of your head and you pulled him close to whisper in his ear. “How about we get outta here and go make some fireworks of our own?”

He smiled a wicked smile and said “I’ll get the car.”

**********

Sunday morning you said your goodbyes to your family, then Billy picked you up for one last open water swim before heading back to the city. It was so good to see everyone and you told them you would be back next month for the triathlon.

Billy posted his best time that day, he felt confident that he would be able to finish the swim with a decent time and you were certain that he would do well.

“I just wanna take in this view for a little longer, sweet girl.” He said.

You bit down on your lower lip, smiled, and nodded. “Ok Billy, but we still have to shower and you need to check out before we head back.” You stated.

He kissed you on the temple. “Just a few more minutes, baby.”

The ride back to the city was a lot like the ride out of the city. There was a lot of talking, laughing, and singing along with the radio. But you still couldn’t bring yourself to tell Billy how you truly felt about him.

He knows you care about him and he cares for you too but he doesn’t know how deep your feelings are for him. The two of you were having fun together, what if he doesn’t want to put a label on it? What if he doesn’t love you back? You just don’t want to mess up what you have with him.

So for now, you’ll just continue to do what you have been doing. It’s back to training in the pool on Monday.

**********

Monday, 3 o’clock.

Billy was always very punctual, he was never late. He texted around 3:15 saying he was sorry and stuck at work so couldn’t train today and tomorrow wasn’t looking good either with his work schedule. He said he would call you later.

But he didn’t.

A week had passed and still nothing but a bunch of “I’m sorry” texts and he blew off your workouts. Why? He said he had a great time and liked being around your family. What could have changed?

At first you were upset, you let Billy in and this is what he does with your heart? A few texts here and there and that’s supposed to be ok? Something is up and you were going to find out what it was.

While sitting at home one night, a text came through. Hoping it was Billy, you picked it up only to see it was from your friend Rachel, she worked at the pool also. Her shift was usually after yours. It said:

I figured you’d want to know that lieutenant hot stuff has been coming in for the past week around 5 every day. He just got here. You want me to punch him in the mouth for you?

You were furious but you just texted back:

No, it’s ok. I’ll do that myself. I’ll be there in a few minutes.

You were so angry, you couldn’t see straight. White hot rage burned the back of your eyes while in the Uber on your way to the sports club, going over what you wanted to say to him in your head, not sure if you were going to be able to keep it together long enough to give him a piece of your mind.

Humiliation was the word that came to mind at the moment. It hurt so much that your knees were shaking uncontrollably as you walked down the stairs toward the pool, grabbing on to the wall when you felt like your legs were going to give out. The powerful pain in your chest was crushing, like Billy had a hold of your heart and was squeezing until there wasn’t anything left.

The thick air in the pool area made you nauseous and seeing him swimming in the far lane had you seeing red as you hurriedly walked over to him.

He knew he was caught.

“Ok, before you yell at me, lemme explain.” He started to say.

“SAVE IT RUSSO!” You yelled and didn’t care who heard you or that you were making a scene. “Ya know, as far as I’m concerned, you can keep coming in when I’m not here. You have made it very clear that you got what you needed from me—“

He cut you off. “Y/n, listen—I just—well I needed some time—“

You interrupted him. “Hey! I wasn’t finished! You got what you needed from me professionally AND personally so congratulations, well played MR. Russo! I trusted you and I fell for you, I thought I was—“ You stopped because you were choking on your tears. “You shared things with me that—ya know what? I can’t do this—goodbye Billy.”

You quickly turned on your heels and headed back toward the locker room. Jumping out of the pool, Billy immediately followed you, trying to catch up to you. When he finally caught up to you, he grabbed you by the wrist and turned you around to face him.

“I wanna explain myself baby, please.” He pleaded.

“Don’t you dare ‘baby’ me. Let me go, Billy. NOW! Have a good time at the triathlon, I won’t be there.”

You pulled yourself free from his grasp and he watched as the door closed behind you. Realizing that he broke your heart, he was in pain too. It was a strange feeling for him, it almost made it hard for him to catch his breath.

The constricting feeling in his chest was painful enough to the point where he needed to sit down, he saw the hate in your eyes and his were filled with sadness like he had just lost his best friend. You were right, he shared things with you that he never really shared with anyone else, you knew about his scars on the outside as well as the ones on the inside.

He trusted you with his heart, with his soul, the feeling of vulnerability was a new sensation for him and he got scared. He was not prepared for anyone to tear down the wall he had built, he said he would never be hurt like that again. If he doesn’t get close, he can’t be hurt, it can’t be taken away if you don’t have it in the first place. That’s what he always told himself.

It’s why he didn’t “do” relationships, but you were different. He couldn’t stop himself from sharing his stories with you, they escaped from his mouth like blood from an open wound. He didn’t want to stop himself, it was just easy with you. You were his best friend and he was in love with you.

Only he was alone now. Staring down at the tile floor, he could still see your shoe prints that you left behind, remembering the time you playfully yelled at him for having his street shoes on the pool deck.

Your words echoed in his head “I trusted you and I fell for you, I thought I was—“ You stopped before saying the only word that came to his mind…“special.” You were special to him and he wanted you back. He wanted to tell you he was in love with you too, but how was he going to do that now? He blew it. No…he couldn’t give up. That’s not what a good soldier does. He’ll find a way, he always finds a way.

**********

The next three weeks consisted of working, swimming, and not much else. You continued to swim to try and get your mind off of Billy Russo but you failed, you were constantly thinking of him. He tried calling, texting, and sending flowers. All of them went unanswered and it hurt each time you declined his call or left his texts unread but you were upset, angry, frustrated, and confused.

Some days you had thought about waiting for him to come in to swim. Rachel told you he continued to swim in the early evenings around 5 but you decided against it. He messed up, not you but it didn’t stop you from missing him.

Billy’s smile, his laugh…you missed those the most. You loved making him laugh, seeing the laugh lines around his eyes crinkle every time he cracked a smile. You missed the way he caressed your face before he kissed you, when he would keep you close while walking together, your fingers laced perfectly with one another like you were made for him and he was made for you.

The shared salt water kisses from your weekend together played on a constant loop in your memories and him defending you against the harsh criticism from your mother just made you love him that much more. “You’ve NEVER disappointed me…NEVER!”

What changed? Maybe you should have let him explain himself but you were just so angry with him, maybe he deserved that chance. And you lied to him when you said you weren’t going to be at the triathlon, you made a commitment to work it so you couldn’t back out now. They needed all the help they could get for the amount of people that participate.

And even though you didn’t open his text messages, you always saw the preview of each one. “I’m sorry…please call me…I need to talk to you…I miss you.” You wanted to answer, you were drawn to Billy like a magnet, it was difficult to stop yourself but you refrained.

He wouldn’t try this hard if he didn’t care, right?

The day before leaving to go home for the triathlon, you stopped to pick up your mail before going upstairs for the night. After thumbing through countless pieces of junk mail and a couple bills, you found an envelope with your name handwritten on it. The return address was Billy’s, you felt your pulse jump and warmth spread across your chest. You decided to wait until you went inside your apartment to read it.

After throwing your things on the kitchen table, you ripped open the letter. The Anvil logo appeared at the top and his apologetic words stretched across the page.

Dear y/n,

I know you’re angry with me and I don’t blame you. I’m angry with myself. The time we spent together, with your family was one of the best times I’ve had, probably ever. Obviously I don’t know what it’s like to have a family and the night we drove back to the city, I had to be alone with my thoughts. I didn’t like it, I didn’t like that you weren’t right next to me but it made me think what if we don’t work out? You brought me into your life, into your family, your whole family and I thought, what if I could never be part of that again?

My entire life, almost everyone that I’ve ever cared about has been taken from me or left me. You know about my mother, but my friends I had at the group home, they either died or ended up in prison. With the exception of Frankie, most of my marine buddies died in combat or I lost contact with. I thought it would be easier just to push you away so I wouldn’t have to think about the possibility of you leaving me. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with.

And you’re right, I shared things with you that I normally don’t tell people about. You words play over and over in my head like a broken record. “I trusted you and I fell for you, I thought I was…” And that’s when you stopped but I knew you what you were going to say. You were going to say “special” and I want to tell you that you are.

I fell for you too. It’s not easy to make me laugh but you do, I find myself grinning like an idiot when I think about you (Frankie makes fun of me when he catches me) and you never let me get away with anything when you were training me. I love how hard you pushed me to help make me better and the fact that you took time away from your vacation to help me, no one has ever cared enough to do something like that for me.

I know I don’t deserve another chance, I hurt you and I’m so sorry. I don’t want all those hours we spent training to go to waste so I’m still going to do the triathlon. I don’t have anyone to blame but myself that you won’t be there, but just know that I love you and I hope one day you can forgive me.

Love, Billy

Your tears dripped on to the letter causing the ink to run a little, all of his feelings written out in front of you on that piece of paper, it must have been incredibly difficult for him to write this. The pain in your chest eased when you read the words “I love you.” He does feel the same way you do, you were special to him, and he needed to know that even despite him being difficult at times, driving you crazy, questioning you every step of the way during your training sessions, you still love him.

The ride home was a lot different than the last time. The train was loud and uncomfortable but thinking about those three words again “I love you” brought you to a place that you never wanted to leave. You never deleted the pictures of you and Billy off of your phone, he was still your lock screen and you’d catch yourself looking at it from time to time.

His handsome face, those liquid brown eyes of his, sometimes you swear you could still feel his beard tickle your cheeks. It would make you chuckle to feel it brush against your skin, he knew that so he would do it on purpose and really make you laugh.

You were thankful your parents didn’t ask too many questions about Billy when you arrived home, they didn’t really need to know anything yet so Friday and Saturday were uneventful but you had quality time with your family and saw a couple of old friends while you were in town.

Trying to sleep on Saturday night was challenging. Your nerves were firing all throughout your body and the butterflies in your stomach were not the good kind. It was more like a wave of nausea crashing in the pit of your stomach over and over again. Every time you closed your eyes, you would see Billy’s face, remembering all the times you made him laugh, the times he would question you and you would have to ask him “Who’s the teacher here, me or you?”

He was the one used to being in charge and this time he wasn’t which bothered him a little at first but he wouldn’t be asking for help if he knew what he was doing. He liked being challenged and liked that you didn’t back down when he would push back.

You were excited to see him tomorrow but also very nervous, the last time you saw him was when you gave him an earful and every fiber in your body hurt to do that but he had to know that he hurt you. What were you going to say to him tomorrow? What would he say to you? In a matter of hours, you would find out but for now you should try and get some sleep.

**********

Even though it was early, it was already hot and humid as you walked across the parking lot to meet up with the other guards you were going to be working with. You made sure to get there really early, hoping to not run into Billy yet. You wanted him to finish the race first, as to not distract him from doing what he needed to do.

And the earlier the better because then you would get to choose where you wanted to be whether that’s out on the water or if you wanted to be on shore. So you chose to be out on the fire department’s boat. High up on the bow of the boat you would have the perfect view of all the swimmers in the water.

After gathering all of your equipment, you heard a low gravelly voice call out your name.

“Y/N?” He said.

You turned around to see a man with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and his nose looked like it had been broken a handful of times but he was still ruggedly handsome. You thought this had to be Frank.

“H—Hi.” You said, nervously.

He extended his hand to shake yours. “Frank Castle. It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to finally meet you too. Billy talked about you a lot.” You said.

“Bill said you weren’t going to be here though, he told me what happened but I saw you walk through the lot and I recognized you from the pictures that he showed me.” Said Frank.

You had that sick feeling in your stomach again. “Well, I did make a commitment. I would have felt really bad if I backed out so I needed to be here. And full disclosure, I wanted to surprise him.”

Frank smirked. “Well he’ll definitely be surprised, kid. He hasn’t really been himself lately, he misses you. I don’t blame you for being angry though, told him he was stupid for pushing you away but he’s stubborn as I’m sure you know.”

You chuckled a little and nodded as tears stung the back of your eyes.

“But I’ll let him speak for himself, you plan on talkin’ to him when this is over, yeah?” He asked.

Your hands were shaking a little. “Yes I do but don’t tell him I’m here, Frank. Please? I don’t want to distract him, I still want him to do well.”

He nodded. “Yeah alright, I won’t tell him. I better get back to him before he comes lookin’ for me. He just wanted someone here to support him, ya know?” He said.

“Well now he has two people.” You said with a warm smile.

Frank smiled back.

“I hope to see you too after the race, Frank. You’re a good friend to Billy.” You said.

He pulled you in for a quick hug. “I’ll see you after the race, kid. Oh he’s number 081, by the way. Don’t let my boy drown.”

“Never.” You said and headed off toward the boats.

The swimmers would go in two heats as to not have too many of them in the water at once. It made it easier on the guards to better keep track of everyone in the water.

You asked if you could borrow the fireman’s binoculars to look at everyone standing on shore, they were all ready to take off as soon as the gun went off. Almost frantically, you searched the crowd looking for number 81. It would either be pinned to his chest or if he’s not wearing wet suit, it will be on his swim cap.

You found him standing off to the side, not close to anyone but then watched him move closer to the inside of the crowd. Maybe he remembered your advice to stay toward the inner arc rather than the outside, he doesn’t want to make the swim longer than it has to be. And there will be less of a chance he’ll see you on the boat.

The lifeguard in charge gave you a bullhorn in case you needed to get a swimmer’s attention if they were going off course, sometimes the whistle wasn’t enough.

They were getting close to starting, the swimmers took their positions, pulled their goggles down and waited for gun to go off. As soon as it went off, the first heat of swimmers plunged into the water.

It churned with the amount of splashes between arms and legs furiously moving through the water, the bay was full of bright green, blue and white swim caps dancing across the surface of the water and the reflection of the sun bouncing off people’s goggles made it a little difficult to see them as they turned their heads to breathe.

Billy was in the first heat. You saw him take off but lost him just as quickly as you found him but you had to concentrate on keeping everyone else safe and on course. About a third of the people in the first heat had passed you on the boat, then it was up to the guards in the kayaks to keep an eye on them.

One swimmer in particular was swimming toward the boat you were on. Shouting into the bullhorn, you told them they were off course. As they got closer to the boat, you saw the number on the swim cap, 081. Your heart moved from your chest into your throat when he stopped to tread water in front of you which made you a little angry because that was messing up his time.

“What the fuck are you doing?!!!” You shouted at him.

“I thought you said you weren’t coming.” He said, flashing his perfect smile at you.

“I’m gonna drown you myself if you don’t get goin’!!!” You yelled.

He laughed a little. “I love you.” He finally said.

You brought the bullhorn up to your mouth and aimed it right at him. “I love you too, Billy. NOW MOVE IT, SOLDIER!!!! GO!! GO!! GO!!!”

He laughed again and started back towards the rest of the swimmers and just like that, you lost him again in a sea of swim caps. It would be awhile before you would see him again as it was only the first leg of the race, he still had biking and running to finish.

**********

The fireman brought you back to shore after all the swimmers were out of the water and you couldn’t do anything except wait until he crossed the finish line. So you found Frank and waited for Billy together, he told you stories, you told him stories and before you knew it you started to see people cross the finish line.

You had to wait a little while longer before you could see Billy get closer to the finish line and as he crossed, he didn’t slow down or stop. He ran right to you, his lips crashing onto yours, and picking you up in a tight embrace.

“I am so, so sorry baby!” He mumbled into the side of your neck.

A smile stretched across your face, you raked your fingers through his wet hair and told him “I know, my love. I know. I got your letter.”

Breathing heavily, he just continued to stare at you, not caring about anyone else around him or what else was going on, he didn’t even care about what his overall time was. He was just happy to have you in his arms again.

He pulled away briefly to talk to Frank.

“Frankie.” He pulled him in for a hug. “Thank you for being here, man. It really means a lot.”

“Proud of you, Bill. Really. I’m gonna go wander around so you two can talk, yeah? I’ll be back.” He said.

You found a shady spot under a tree so the two of you could sit and talk, Billy could catch his breath and you could rest your legs because you’ve been on your feet all day.

“Did you really mean everything you said in that letter, Billy?” You asked him.

Billy ran his fingers through his damp hair and focused his eyes on yours. “I meant it all, sweet girl. All of it. I love you…I’ve just always been afraid of people leaving me so I just do it before they can.” He said with a hitch in his voice.

“I get why you would think that. If that’s all you’ve ever known, then I understand. You still hurt me, Billy.” You said. “But I love you too.”

You gently brushed his beard with your thumbs and leaned in to kiss him.

He took your hand in his, gingerly touched your knuckles with his fingertips, and looked down at your hands when he started to speak again.

“Ya know, a lot of people know where these scars came from.” With your fingers, he started to trace the scars left behind by the bullets. “But no one really knows how…” He placed your hand over his heart. “How I got these…except you.”

His words broke your heart, he had shared those feelings with you and now you understood that his outside scars weren’t the ones that hurt the most, it was the inside ones. He couldn’t bear the thought of possibly adding to the deep scars on his heart.

“I want to help heal your heart, not break it, Billy.” Immediately, your eyes welled up with tears, they spilled over and ran down your cheeks. “If you’ll let me.” You said.

Before you could say anything else, Billy’s lips were on yours, his hands tangled in your hair, and he whispered against your mouth. “I love you…so much.”

“I love you too.” You replied.

As if right on cue, Frank reappeared after his walk.

“Alright lovebirds, I’m starvin’. Let’s go get somethin’ to eat but we’ll let Bill take a shower first, I’m not takin’ him anywhere smelling like he does right now.” He joked.

You let out a chuckle. “Yeah ya know, you are a little ripe, handsome.”

Billy looked at Frank and back at you. “It’s that bad, huh?”

You winked and smiled at Billy.

“There is something I wanna ask you y/n.” Frank said.

“Sure. Go for it.” You said.

Frank narrowed his eyes and looked slightly confused when he asked “With that many swimmers in the water, how do you know if everyone made it out alright?”

You smiled before answering him. “By the bikes.” You said.

Billy and Frank looked at each other with confused looks on their faces.

“If all the bikes are gone, everyone made it out of the water.” You said.

Billy and Frank pointed at one another and in unison said “Ohhhhhhhhh.”

You shook your head and let out a soft laugh.

With the early afternoon sun beating down, Billy collected his bike and walked away from his very first triathlon not knowing what his final time was. He wouldn’t find out until later that he placed 50th overall among a crowd of over 300 but he didn’t care. As long as you were walking with him—it didn’t matter what his time was. He knew he had already won.

Tag List: @mindidjarin @saintmurd0ck @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @xdervyxccgh @mattmurdocksscars @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialams @idek-what-to-put @anastasianeedstoread @on-ya @k-marzolf @nutmeg17

Others that might enjoy: @fluffyprettykitty @itwasthereaminuteago @officialjanetsnakehole

If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕

[abluehappyface]

I posted 17,760 times in 2022

That's 4,429 more posts than 2021!

398 posts created (2%)

17,362 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@seafoam-blues

@nucg5040

@that-bastard-with-all-the-bones

@the-cinnamon-snail

@lesserbeans

I tagged 2,392 of my posts in 2022

#abluehappyface - 162 posts

#my post - 151 posts

#my stuff - 146 posts

#my art - 110 posts

#bluey's rambling - 110 posts

#my photos - 98 posts

#my edit - 97 posts

#my artwork - 96 posts

#photo - 95 posts

#touhou - 90 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#like congrats that the beauty industry told you that all of your flaws are personal failings and you believed them 🤪 thats your problem!!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Birthday Yuyuko edit!!! I LOVE IT SOOOOOOO MUCH! I went with a slightly different color scheme because I knew the purple in my original one would've blended together with everything too much. I usually use Purple, Green, White, and A really dark purple that almost looks black, but this time I used Pink, Green, White, The same black/purple, and added Orange. It's a bit messy here and there, but I LOVE it! I'm calling it the "Sunset Yuyuko" edit because of the colors! Super proud of it!

58 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#4

Done with the background! It's some sort of fantasy realm where the purple lions live, so it doesn't make too much sense lmao. All I have to do now is write the birthday message on the back when it's dry! It looks like these lions live somewhere akin to our tropical islands. How'd I do?

71 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

#3

Drew a Fire/Fairy Chandelure for my friend Hunter! He asked for either a Chandelure or Klingklang, but to surprise him with the typing. I created a Chandelure based on both modern and old chandeliers. Modern because the lightbulbs are electric ones like we use now, but old because of the clunky gems and stained glass. I really like it! The shiny is under the cut.

72 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

Drew a baby bunny with a Jack'o'lantern head for Halloween! Not sure how the glowing effect came out, but I tried! Look at it!!! It's so cute and tiny! More art of long tailed bunnies should exist honestly...

88 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ok, this is going to be incredibly random, especially since I just got online, but I need some of you to realize that

You can text 911

89 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[spaceymcspacer]

So 2023 is almost over, let's summarize the art that has been made in 2023!

January - Stick together forever no matter what

Yeah, let's start with a birthday image, and one I am not the most proud of. It's mostly Spacey's "Tude Face" that I hate. I was desperate for an expression so I scribbled on whatever. Not a great choice in hindsight. Still a fine drawing but that still annoys me.

February - Spooks Serious Smoke

Cartoons should smoke, and Spooks proves that with this drawing. Look at him go with this great drawing.

March - Getting a good Fisting from the Ray

I really like drawing Rayman. The goofy fellow provides a lot of fun ideas and allows me to be especially creative. With Rayman 3 being one of my favorite games of all time, I say it was fitting that Rayman 3 got an anniversary drawing.

April - Bomberman 40th Anniversary Pieces

One of the big strides I made in 2023 was joining in serious art collabs. I have dabbled in art collabs before in 2021 but now I joined stuff that had actual scale and it was neat to see. The Bomberman Collab I particularly enjoyed as I found some new people along the way. It was an experience I would like to relive.

May - Across the Radio Frequencies

Around May 2023, I wanted a new wallpaper, and putting 2 and 2 together I made myself an all-new wallpaper. NGL I really like how experimental this was for me. It stands out a lot compared to the rest of my gallery.

June - Almost like Brothers

For June I decided to remake an older drawing of mine that I felt like had some major potential to it. That being the 2021 Almost like Brothers drawing. NGL I really like how the remake turned out. It's goofy, silly, but also fun.

July - Bothered Basterd (Artfight)

Artfight Year 2 was a little weaker than year 1 but still had some great pieces. Out of all of them this one is my favorite. It was a little hard to choose but that one is my favorite since I liked drawing the character in question, Dust Bunny.

August - Super Nilla's Coffee Mania

FizzyRizz could not get a real job, so he had to gamble all of his money to Super Nilla's Coffee Mania. 

September - Pyoro leaks Nintendo's files

So remember that saga on Twitter where this Pyoro Twitter account leaked a Nintendo Direct? Yeah this drawing is based off that. NGL Pyoro is a fun character to draw, and the drawing turned out great.

October - Secret Monster Collab Tristone - The Princess (The Princess Society)

Now this is another art event I participated in. I enjoyed this drawing pretty well but once again it's the vibe of collaboration that made this one. So yeah, nothing much else to say. 

November - 2 Decades of Hominid

So, did you know that 2 Alien Hominid games came out in November 2023? Yeah I celebrated it with this drawing. It was a lot of commitment but the effort was worth it, since I honestly consider it the best drawing I made this year.

December - A random Mushly

Yeah I drew some dumb Mushly here since I wanted to do one last thing but I was too lazy lmfao.

-----

I don't have any advanced thoughts on 2023's art tbh, it was another year filled with improvements. If there is something, in particular, I enjoyed a lot compared to previous years, it was the collabs I participated in. Even if I hate how the art community acts a lot of the time, I still have to admit that when artists come together to celebrate something, it can make for a fun experience. The only other thing I have to say is that I hope real life doesn't get in the way of my hobbies since I still really like doing art even if it can be hard to fit it in sometimes. That is all I have to say really. See y'all in 2024!

[imagining-in-the-margins]

The Birds & The Bees (S.R. | Pt. 3)

Summary: Reader earns her nickname, and Spencer sinks to a new level of sin. A/N: Here, take your first dose of smut 💊 ✨ Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Slow Burn (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Drinking, alcohol, masturbation (male) Word Count: 5.3k

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

——————————————————

If I had to pick my favorite thing about working for Spencer Reid, it would probably be something that most people wouldn’t expect. Sure, it was nice to be able to work with a human encyclopedia, and he was definitely very nice to look at, but neither of those things contributed to my love for my job.

It was the sense of belonging. An overwhelming feeling of serenity that existed, flowing freely beneath the surface like a network of roots twined together. I never felt out of place when I was with Spencer — which couldn’t be said for basically any other time. Especially not now.

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays because it’s just absurd. You harass your neighbors while dressed in a costume and they reward you with something sweet (or, in some cases, change). As I’ve grown older, not much has changed aside from the creativity and length of the costumes.

... and the sweet treats being replaced by the bitter sting of alcohol.

“You do realize that guy was hitting on you in there, right?” my friend shouted from less than a foot to my right.

“He was just being nice.”

“Yeah... in a bar,” another girl chimed in, “On Halloween.”

I tried to remember the face of the man they were talking about, but my memory of his eyes blended into the flashing lights of the club. Even if I wasn’t drunk, I knew it would have been hard to remember him. Because the truth was that he wasn’t the person I wanted to see when I closed my eyes.  

“Leave her alone. She’s trying to stay pure for her professor,” my friend snickered.

Despite the treachery, I still caught her before she almost pushed us both straight off the curb in her drunken state. But it wasn’t her opinion I was worried about, because at that point, I was certain she would remember none of it by the time class rolled around come Monday. It was our other acquaintance that I responded to, with a very squeaky and unreliable, “I am not doing that!”

“Yeah, what she wants isn’t pure at all,” the mess on my shoulder droned. That was enough of a reason for me to drop her, although it really resulted in both of us barely staying on our feet on the somewhat crowded sidewalk.

“Stop! It’s not like that!”

“Sure it’s not.”

Then, something else caught her attention. Knowing her, I figured that it was either a man in a scandalous costume, or it was a two for one drink deal plastered in front of a bar. I assumed it was the latter, because as soon as she finished talking, she grabbed hold of our hands and yanked us against the brick wall of the next bar.

“So you wouldn’t mind if, theoretically, Professor Reid saw you in your costume?” she asked.

I like to think that I am a relatively smart girl. After all, I had made my way to graduate school, and Spencer seemed to think that I wasn’t a complete hopeless idiot. But in that moment, I couldn’t understand why on earth she would ever think to ask me that.

Running my hands over the fuzzy pink bodysuit I was wearing, I tried to picture his reaction. As soon as I tried to look down, however, the two floppy bunny ears affixed to the hood dropped over my eyes.

“I-I mean, I guess not…?” I mumbled, my face growing hot from something other than the alcohol, “I’m wearing it in public, so...”

But then she said it — the most terrifying two words I’d ever heard in my life.

“Okay ­– good.”

My eyes shot up immediately, trying to follow her eyes through the crowd of drunk, costumed people. By the time that I spotted him, somewhat thankfully dressed in normal clothes, I was powerless to stop it.

“Dr. Reid!” My friend’s voice rang out into the night, “Dr. Reid, come over here!”

The moment our eyes met, I knew I was fucked. Totally, completely, and utterly fucked. A clever little grin filled his cheeks as he quickly spotted me trying to hide under my hood.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” I shrieked, but he was already on his way over.

“You said you didn’t mind!”

In a panicked whisper, I bit back, “I didn’t say call him over here!”

When he grew closer, though, I corrected myself. Because it was not just Spencer who was walking over. There was someone else with him. Another man, just as tall and just as beautiful as Spencer, but with a dark complexion and an even more wicked smile.

As for my company, they had already scattered into the bar behind me, leaving me with a wordless, dumbstruck look on my face that was very poorly hidden behind bunny ears.

“H-hey Prof— Dr. Reid,” I managed to get out.  

“Hey,” he answered in a tone I’d never heard before. A slightly guarded, very entertained but mostly awkward stretch of the vowel.

The man beside him, however, was quick to question.

“Who’s this?”

As I said before, I like to consider myself a relatively bright person. But the alcohol that night had been both free and strong. So, when I was asked by a handsome man who I was on the Devil’s night, I answered honestly.

“I’m a bunny!” I cried, bringing my hands together over my chest and turning to present the small pink pompom affixed to my lower back.

“I can see that,” the stranger replied through a genuine chuckle. But while the action was amusing to at least two of us in the conversation, Spencer looked mortified. It wasn’t necessarily negative, though.

I couldn’t be sure, of course, considering that I had already consumed more liquor that night than I had in the past month, but something told me that Spencer was less humiliated by me, and more worried about how blatant his response to my answer was. Because when he spoke, he did so through a smile.

“She’s uh... my teaching assistant.”

“Teaching assistant, huh?” his friend repeated, clearly amused.

There was almost a challenge to the title. Something about the way he said it setting my heart into overdrive. Unable to control my own treacherous tongue, I continued to dig myself a wonderfully sized hole to jump in to.

“I’m also very good at hopping,” I said.  

Once again, the better company of the two laughed. Spencer, however, covered his smile with a hand that brought attention to just how red his face had grown over the course of a few seconds. I was so distracted by it, lost in the way I could still see upturned lips just from his eye shape alone, that I failed to acknowledge the other man for a suspicious length of time.

“Well hey, don’t let me get in the way of you two catching up. Reid, I’ll go tell the hostess we’re here, so the others know where to go.”

With a firm pat on the shoulder, the man almost turned to walk away. But before he could, I drew him back again.

“Ooh, is there a party?”

Spencer, finally able to speak again, rushed his reply.

“No, it’s nothing.”

It was obviously not nothing, though. Judging by the toothy grin that his friend flashed, it was a very big not-nothing.

“Did he not tell you?” he asked with an incredulous, mischievous tone, “It’s his birthday.”

And it was, by far, the most insulting, scandalous news I’d heard that night. Enough to elicit a sharp gasp and hand reaching out to grab his wrist in a way I knew I shouldn’t have.

“You didn’t tell me it’s your birthday!”

My mind was racing, kicking myself for having not figured it out sooner. I was trying to recall the monthly staff newsletter, but then quickly remembered that I usually relied on Spencer to summarize them for me.

“It’s not my birthday,” he explained with a sigh, “It was a few days ago.”

His friend seemed pleased by my response, although he clearly saw it dwindling. My heels had already dropped back down with my hands that fell away, signaling a very different emotion than the excitement from seconds prior.

“We’re meeting up with some people for drinks and dinner. You want to come?” he asked, trying to convince me before it was too late.

But the moment had passed, replaced by loud, insecure ranting that insisted that Spencer wouldn’t have avoided telling me his birthday unless he didn’t want me to know. That meant he either didn’t enjoy making a fuss out of his birthday, or he didn’t want me to, specifically.

“Uhh...”

“Don’t answer that,” Spencer cut in, swiftly raising a hand to dismiss the other man whose name I finally learned. “Thanks Derek, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Suit yourself,” he mumbled back. But Derek, in all of his disappointment, didn’t fail to draw out one more flustered laugh from the two of us who remained as he gave a tiny half-wave and sang, “Goodbye, Bunny.”

Spencer’s neck craned back, never once leaving his friend until he had safely entered the restaurant. Once he was sure that he was safe from ridicule, or at least observation, his entire demeanor changed.

“I’m sorry about that,” he offered, but I couldn’t accept. If anyone had been a bother here, it was me (and my friends).

“No, I’m sorry I bothered you!” I rushed.

The silence stretched between us, an unsettling reminder that we rarely interacted outside of work. That he’d never known me to party, and I’d never thought of him doing something as routine and normal as celebrating a birthday. It shouldn’t have been strange, but it was.

Perhaps that feeling was what drove me to continue, proudly stating, “I promise that I will have all your work ready first thing in the morning.”

It wasn’t until Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed and his mouth opened in a strange, lopsided grin that I’d realized I made a mistake.

“Um...” he spoke through laughter, “Tomorrow is Saturday.”

“I’m very motivated?”

Thankfully, he saw the humiliation and was happy to offer me a graceful escape from my humiliation. “How about I give you until Tuesday, instead?”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best, huh?”

I gladly took it, staring down at my heels as I tried to find anything else to focus on. Anything that wasn’t his eyes that seemed even more powerful after dark. But true to the magnetism I always experienced in his vicinity, I was drawn back into golden irises full of an emotion that made my heart beat twice as hard.

“Where did your friends go?” he asked. I didn’t trust myself to answer, so I just threw my thumb over my shoulder and towards the bar behind me. I didn’t turn away from him then, too scared to acknowledge that I would be leaving him soon. That we would go our separate ways again and I would have to wait until Tuesday to drown in the honey of his eyes again.  

Sure enough, Spencer gave a solemn nod and cleared his throat before mumbling, “Right. You should probably go find them, so they don’t get worried.”

But I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with him, the rest of the world be damned. I wanted to feel his eyes on me longer, especially when they started to wander my figure that I’d secretly hoped he would see.

I could pretend to hate my friend for calling him over all I wanted, but when I slipped into the costume hours earlier, I’d wondered what he would do if he saw me like this. And now that the answer was in front of me, torn between the exposed skin of my thighs and chest, I wanted to experience it for as long as possible.

With my fingers on the zipper to try and calm my heart, the inebriation manifested in soft giggles as I replied, “I think I’m pretty safe with you, Professor.”  

Spencer didn’t need to vocalize his disagreement. I saw his contention in the form of wayward eyes falling to my hands that fiddled with the tiny piece of plastic keeping me covered. When they trailed back up the zipper teeth to meet my eyes again, they were filled with a hunger that took my breath away.

Unfortunately for us, though, our smitten haze wasn’t shared by anyone else in the vicinity. Especially not the drunk pack of men who passed, completely unaware of the amount of space they took up on the sidewalk. I don’t even remember one of them running into me, but I definitely remembered what followed in extreme, vivid detail.

Spencer caught me, quickly and more gracefully than I thought him capable of moving. His arms were locked around me, not only preventing me from face planting on the concrete but causing me to press my face directly against him.

Before he had a chance to say or do much of anything else, I placed my hands on his chest and tore myself away from the warmth of his embrace. Because I was already drunk enough on the alcohol — I didn’t need to be any more inebriated from him.

“S-See? You caught me!” I squeaked.

I didn’t miss the fact his hands stayed on my waist even with the added distance, his fingers subtly digging into and stroking the plush fabric. I didn’t try to stop them, either.

“Are you going to be okay? Should I take you home?”

I knew it wasn’t how he’d meant it, but my inner voice still pleaded, Yes, God, please, yes! My outer voice, however, clung to reason and respectability.

“No! Don’t miss your birthday dinner!” I insisted, but he didn’t look convinced. “I’m fine, seriously. I just suck at walking in heels.”

Any part of me that would have normally been offended by his insistence that I couldn’t handle myself while drinking was quelled by my desire to keep his hands on me as long as possible. Although there was enough space for my arms between our chests, I swore I felt his fluttering heartbeat against my fingers. I thought of hummingbirds.

Resigned to my stubbornness, Spencer took a moment longer to stroke patterns through the pink fabric wrapped around my waist before he sighed, “If you say so.”

“I do!” I giggled, leaning closer like I might convince him not to leave at all, “So you better listen up, mister Professor man.”

The look he gave me was sweet, honeyed bliss. But even that seemed minuscule in comparison to the way his hands slid over my sides, making their way over my shoulders and gently brushing the errant bunny ears back out of my face. He left them there, too, with a barely-there caress of my face.

“You look cute,” he said, like it wouldn’t break my heart.  

Shier than he’d ever seen me before, I somehow managed to still look him in the eye as I answered, “So do you.”

It was a good thing I’d been paying attention, too. If I hadn’t been staring into his eyes, I would have missed the flash of chaotic playfulness that appeared just as he glanced down at the space between our chests.

I wouldn’t have been prepared at all when he dropped one of his hands from my face to the zipper of my costume. Not to say that anything could have prepared me for the way it felt to have his knuckle brush against the skin just below the lace bralette that had been meant to protect my modesty.

Before I could even comprehend the delicious friction of our skin, it was gone. Spencer pulled the zipper up to my chin, releasing the plastic in favor of grabbing hold of my chin once more.

“Be careful with that zipper,” he instructed, “I don’t need you getting hypothermia this early in the semester.”

Unsure of how else to respond, my body responded on instinct as it stammered, “I-I promise.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again, and my autopilot continued.

“Double promise. Promise squared.”

“Okay. You have my number so... call me if you need anything.”

I absently nodded, but Spencer accurately concluded that I hadn’t actually processed what he’d said. When he let go of me, he took the time to smooth out the bunched up fabric over my shoulders. I tried to convince myself that he was just interested in the soft fluff, but it was hard to ignore the hunger that’d only grown stronger. The darkness that rivaled the moonless hallow’s eve.

“I don’t mind giving you a ride home if it means you get back safe,” he said with a deathly seriousness strongly contrasted by the flippancy that followed. “Otherwise I’ll have more work for Tuesday.”

I was grateful for the shift, because it made the loss of his hands hurt less. My chest filled with laughter that quickly burst from me with frantic, messy words.

“Of course! The work. For Tuesday. Okay! Thank you!”

“For what?” he also said through laughter.

“I— don’t know.”

Spencer turned away from me, looking behind him at the obligations that would tear us apart. I wondered if he, too, was busy contemplating how well it suited just how different we were. How two establishments side by side could house such different things. How we were frequenting opposite ends of the spectrum.

Whatever he was thinking about, however, it didn’t break his spirits too badly. Because before he sent me on my merry way, he flashed me the goofiest little bouncing peace sign before he sang, “Hop along, little bunny.”

So I did, turning back to my life and letting him return to his. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of his eyes following me until the darkness of the bar swallowed the space between us.

Still, I didn’t need him to be there to remember how it felt for his hands to roam my body like familiar territory. I saw that look in his eyes every time that I closed my own and remembered how it made my legs shake like weak stems bending to the wind.

I decided then that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world that he’d seen me in my costume. In fact, I think he quite liked it.

 ——————————————————

 There are few things more relentless than Derek Morgan. Death and taxes, perhaps. When it came to mocking me, there wasn’t a single missed opportunity. Even at the darkest hour, I trusted him to be consistent and predictable.

That was precisely why it made no sense that I had made it through an entire dinner and drinks outing with the team without him mentioning what had happened. Not even once. I almost let myself be relieved. Perhaps time spent with a child that can talk back did him some good, I thought. But when the time finally came for us to take our leave, I realized my mistake. He wasn’t holding back out of the kindness of his heart.

No, Derek wanted to wait until there was no escape route. He wanted to have me trapped in a car hurtling down a highway before he spoke the words that he’d been waiting to say all night.

“So... Bunny.”

“Her name is (y/n),” I quickly corrected. Unfortunately, Derek wasn’t in a merciful mood. Although there was a notable smirk on his face, his next words were uttered with a hefty dose of skepticism. A warning that it was a subject that ought to be approached with a critical sincerity.

“Her name is Trouble. That’s what her name is,” he said, shaking his head.  

“She’s just my teaching assistant,” I said like I might actually convince myself, though we both knew that I wasn’t going to convince him. “It’s fine.”

“Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?”

But that time, it was me who issued the warning.

“Stop,” I ordered, meeting his eyes to find him hiding his genuine concern under jokes that weren’t really jokes at all. “I respect her. She’s very bright and she earned her position.”

“I never said she didn’t. I know she’s probably smart, but I also saw the way you looked at her.”

The words felt like a blow to the stomach — yet another reminder that my affections for her were so thinly veiled they might as well be scrawled across my skin. He didn’t need to be a profiler to notice that I was fond of the girl, but it certainly made it worse.

Because he knew that I was lying when I muttered, “You don’t need to worry about it.”

He knew that I was lying, but he still asked, “Why’s that?”

“She’s...” I started, pausing while the word tried to form on my tongue. The word that had haunted me ever since those damned girls mentioned it. That short, simple little noun that had taken a cursory affection and turned it into full blown lust.

“She’s a virgin.”

Derek’s brows jumped up his face, his jaw dropping the same way mine had when I first heard the news. Then, just as I had, he put the pieces together and realized that it should have been a foregone conclusion.

“Trouble with a capital everything,” he half laughed.

But this wasn’t a joking matter, and I really wished that I could make him believe that. That definitely wouldn’t happen, though. Not when he looked up to see me hiding behind my hands, sinking into my seat like it would get me out of the conversation.

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s obviously waiting.”

It was the wrong thing to say. I should have seen his response coming from a mile away. But I didn’t, and so I was forced to listen to his childish giggles that were followed with an even more lighthearted crooning.

“Yeah, waiting for the right professor to come teach her the lesson on the birds and the bees.”

“Cut it out.”

Without even looking, he astutely observed, “Kid, you’re blushing.”  

“Yeah, because you’re talking about me fuc–”

The word never made it out, getting caught between my teeth as I bit down on my tongue damn near hard enough to make it bleed. I wished it would. I wanted the iron to drown me and rid me of the sinful things it sought to do, instead. Opting for a more… distinguished explanation, I eventually stammered the rest of the thought.

“You’re talking about me... deflowering my significantly younger employee!”

“You can say fuck, Reid,” he deadpanned, “I think you’re old enough now.”

“I don’t want to. It sounds too... crude.”

I didn’t expect him to understand. How could he? He’d only seen her when she was at her most provocative… by far. Part of me envied him, to be able to sequester her innocence and view her as just another girl.

But she wasn’t like anyone else. She was an untouched bloom, a magnolia of unearthly shades. A beautiful blossom that had broken through the concrete walls I’d maintained for so many years. A tantalizing taste of the life outside that I refused to let in.

A fucking tease.

“Too crude for little miss innocent bunny?” Derek cooed, and it was so uncomfortably close to my thoughts that I couldn’t help the way I snapped back.

“Are you done?”

As we pulled into my parking lot, Derek just waved off my hostility, recognizing it as nothing but misfired shame and anguish at the thing I wanted being out of my reach.

“Yeah, I’m done. I hope you had fun, even with the teasing.”

I chose not to dignify the second half of the statement, climbing out of the car like I couldn’t step away from the conversation fast enough. But of course, I knew that only made my guilt more apparent. My culpability was clear and conclusive. There was no argument to be made.

“You know I’m right!” he shouted just before the door shut. A final reminder, one last cautionary call for the beast inside of me to keep itself hidden lest I allow myself to sink my teeth into something pure.

“Goodnight!”

Few things changed when I reached the confines of my apartment walls. Fantasies had only devolved into a vividness that was borderline frightening. How easily I could get lost in visions of her, only promising my return in exchange for my imagination agreeing to become a reality that I would get a chance to experience.

But that wasn’t fair to her. She was just a girl doing her job with an astounding amount of patience and understanding for her hopeless romantic of a boss. For a moment, the guilt became so overwhelming that I let it win. I managed to swallow my newly acquired memories well enough to navigate my nightly routine without wishing she was there every step of the way.

Wishing that she would call me. That she would grant me the excuse to return to her, to touch her as freely as I had earlier. I imagined a world where, upon arriving to her destination, she invited me in.

As I collapsed on my bed, I wondered if she would have preferred the privacy of my home. A place far enough away from other students and academics to finally see me as something more than a superior. Something attainable in a way she never seemed to be.

Just as I closed my eyes to give in to the dreams, my phone buzzed. The sound set off every nerve in my body, all of them very poorly coordinating to allow me to grab the device and turn it on to reveal her name.

“Hey Professor! I just wanted to let you know that I got home…”

I’d never opened a notification so quickly, but I should have waited. I should have paused and taken the time to notice that what I was opening wasn’t just a collection of letters and symbols.

It was a set of pictures.

Pictures of her.

“Safe and sound and zippered up. No hypothermia for this bunny tonight,” she tagged onto the end, “Sweet dreams!”

How could I ever dream of anything but her? How was I meant to turn off my phone now, knowing that she was there; her drunken, lustful stare on display? I only tore my eyes away from her face long enough to notice her surroundings. I took extensive, painstaking notes on the color of the sheets on her bed and the way the zipper I’d tugged at to control myself from taking her had fallen away again.

I could feel the softness of her skin against my knuckle again. I heard the way her breath nearly broke at the force with which she sucked in air at the feeling of me touching her. How hard she pressed herself against me, how her back arched when I held her and how she never even tried to stop my hands from finding new places to rest.

They worked diligently now, too, trying to keep her awake and with me for as long as I could, but also wanting to free myself of obligations so that she wouldn’t notice how long I’d stared at the pictures she’d sent.

“Goodnight, little bunny,” I sent before adding, “I’ll be counting rabbits instead of sheep tonight.”

As if to reward my efforts, another picture flooded my screen. Her face was scrunched up in an adorable innocence, half covered with her hand but still effortlessly beautiful.

I stopped myself from responding again. I forced myself to stop, to prevent treacherous hands from calling her and begging her to let me come to her. It wasn’t fair — it was manipulative, downright evil, even — to take advantage of her inebriated state to hoard any insight she might provide.

But she’d already sent these… So, would it be so wrong to indulge in her? By touching my own body to the thought of her, would I taint her? Did I care even if it did? Maybe it was for the best to plant the seed of impurity now, to strip her of her power over me.

But deep down, I knew that I would still want her. I would still wish that the hand that sneaked beneath the sheets belonged to her. I could almost feel it as my hand traversed familiar territory. It would be new for her, and it would be new for me to feel the delicate, unmarred skin of her palm slowly sliding down my stomach. Her fingers bashfully brushing through soft curls at the base of me, still too nervous to hold me the way I needed her to.

Her face would be buried in my shoulder, with dew from her breath wetting my neck and raising the hairs on my arms. I would take her hand in mine and guide her to wrap her trembling hand around my cock.

Just like I was doing to myself now, with my other hand still holding the phone displaying the image of innocence. My hand wasn’t as soft or inexperienced as hers would be, but as long as my eyes stayed on her half-lidded gaze staring back at me, I could pretend.

I could hear her panting my name— my real name, Spencer— in my ear, praising the feel of silky skin beneath her fingertips. She would whisper about how she wanted to feel it elsewhere, too. She would beg for me to replace a hand for her most precious place.

That damned angelic girl showing her hand on the zipper would beg me to steal away her innocence. She would unveil herself slowly, knowing that I needed the time to memorize every inch of her skin as it was seen by another for the first time. Seen by me, and only me. The vision would be for my consumption and indulgence.

I wanted it. I wanted her.

My stomach tensed as I pictured the girl staring back at me straddling my hips. I stroked myself harder, faster, letting my thumb trace down her body on my screen.

If I stole it from her, would it be mine?

Would she be trapped as I was, only able to feel anything when I was with her? Would she dream of me? Would she cherish each and every memory of my touch and play it back in her mind? When she felt the urge to break and burn, would she picture my hands lighting the match?

If I ruined her, would she be mine?

I pictured the girl on the screen with tears in her eyes, her mouth stuck open in a silent scream and her hands clutching desperately to mine. I imagined how tightly her body would grip me as I fucked her. How hard it would fight the intrusion of my sinful touch. How I would hold her down despite the resistance until she gave in to me. Until I broke her, thoroughly and irreparably.

She would be mine.

That was the thought that took me over the edge, all energy that was not delegated to my hand feverishly stroking my cock remained with my other hand to hold her picture in front of me. It never even wavered, never once shaking and risking losing any clarity. Even my eyes refused to close all the way.

She would be mine.

The warm, sticky mess of my desire coated my hand and stomach, but all I could think was how it would feel to mark her as mine. To feel the excess drip back down my cock as she collapsed against my body. To know that she would never be the same, never be wholly herself again. That she’d let me inside of her soul and that when I left, I hadn’t left empty handed.

She was already mine.

 ——————————————————

| Part Four |

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Kiro’s Treasure Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Note: A bullet-point summary, but important scenes have detailed translations!

I think @kudoriee will enjoy this :>

The birthday event basically talks about how KEY likes leaving Kiro puzzles. On one particular day, Kiro solves a pretty tough puzzle which leads him to the amusement park

At first, he thinks he solved the puzzle wrongly because he doesn’t see KEY around, but the amusement park starts blasting birthday music

KEY literally hacked into the system

He appears, and the two of them have wholesome fun

Kiro asks why KEY played birthday music

Baby Kiro doesn’t know when his birthday is...

He literally asks, “Why is it my birthday today?”

And KEY says that since Kiro had so much fun today, they might as well consider it Kiro’s birthday (T口T)

KEY: Kiro, you must definitely remember this date. I might not spend every 9 April with you, but I hope that when this day arrives each year, you will spend it next to someone you like, and who likes you.

Kiro: A person I like and who likes me... will they always be by my side?

KEY: Of course. Because Kiro is the most amazing and most adorable kid in the world.

Kiro: Mm! Oh, when little kids have birthdays, they eat cake and make wishes.

KEY: Pff, you really only know how to eat. Come, let’s go have a birthday cake. 

For his school homework, Kiro is supposed to draw his idea of a home. He draws it (further details will be in the date), but feels that something is missing

He draws a small white bunny next to his name.

Even though he has never owned a rabbit, he knows that there’s a little rabbit waiting for him in a corner of the world.

He repeats the same wish he made the day before.

“Welcome to my home,” Kiro says softly.

The actual date begins with MC in the office, with Kiki wondering what she’s doing there since she was supposed to be celebrating Kiro’s birthday

Turns out Kiro gave her a map with a set of hints to find clues, and the first stop is the office

Kiro gives her a phone call and helps her find the clue, which leads her to a department store

She retrieves a hotel card from a locker in the department store

At the hotel, she sees Savin stationed downstairs because Kiro was afraid MC wouldn’t be able to find the location

Kiro is in the hotel room preparing for a live broadcast

MC gives him his birthday gift, but he decides to wait till after the live broadcast before opening it together with her

In her hotel room next door, she finds her favourite tidbits on the table, and a set of sleeping attire (a pink rabbit pyjama set).

There’s also a note at the side which reads: “The treasure hunt has been tough on you! Miss Chips, have something to eat and have a nice bath, then rest for a while (° ▽ °*) ”

She watches the livestream in her room

The livestream has a candle-blowing segment, wish-making segment, and Kiro even sings a few songs for his fans

MC leaves a comment, asking if Kiro had any memorable birthdays in his childhood

Surprisingly, Kiro catches the comment

Kiro: When I was young, I had a very cool “boss”, who was also my guardian. He liked giving me all types of puzzles to solve.

Kiro: You’re wondering what kind of prizes I'd get after solving them? Back then, it was sweets and biscuits of course.

Kiro: However, there was one extremely difficult puzzle! I thought about it for a very long time before finding the answer in music. 

He plucks at the strings and plays a short, lively tune. 

Kiro: You should have all heard this before. It was the background music of an amusement park near my house when I was younger. This incredibly cute song was like a signal between me and my boss.

Kiro: As expected, when I ran to the amusement park, he was there waiting for me. And that day... was also my birthday. Reliving happy memories while solving puzzles is something my boss taught me.

Kiro: After spending an extremely~ happy day in the amusement park, I still remembered to finish my homework the next day!

Kiro: The homework was a drawing, and I drew the home in my heart. In my home, there’s a flower field. Within it, there are people who like me, and whom I like, all surrounding me, listening to me sing. This is what I think of as my happiest and most blessed thing. 

Seeing the screen filled with “What an interesting birthday!” “Childhood Kiro was a small genius too!”, I bite my lower lip.

I retrieve the stack of neat maps from my pocket, a tightening sensation in my chest. 

I know that what he said about puzzles and signals was meant for the person across the wall - me. 

He gave me a puzzle on his birthday. The important thing wasn’t the answer, but the key to memories. Every location on this map hides precious memories that Kiro and I shared. 

The livestream ends and she heads to Kiro’s room

Kiro: Miss Ch-

Before he finishes speaking, I have already opened my arms, lunging into his chest. 

MC: Happy birthday, Kiro!

Kiro: Didn’t you already say it once when you gave me the present just now?

MC: As long as it’s your birthday, I can say it an unlimited number of times!  

Kiro: Okay, when it comes to your birthday, I’ll say it an unlimited number of times too!

While speaking, he lifts me up in a hug and swirls me around. We fall onto the soft bed.

The fluffy feather pillows and balloons bounce lightly in response to our weight, and fall to our sides. 

Kiro: I didn’t think you’d really change into the bunny pyjamas!

 MC: Eh? Weren’t you the one who prepared it for me? 

Kiro: Of course it was! Oh right, wait for me... just a while!

HE RETURNS, WEARING A BEAR ONESIE

Kiro: Deng deng deng! The birthday party is over, now the pyjama party shall begin!

MC: Eh... how is this a pyjama party. It’s clearly a zoo party!

Kiro: If it’s a zoo, so be it. Little animals are so cute!

He sits beside me, and is about to say something when his phone rings. 

The person on the call is a silver-haired woman - a singer called Saidel Eva - who wishes him a happy birthday. Eva comments that she knows who MC is, because he mentioned that MC is his muse. While she’s stunned, Kiro holds her hand.

Kiro: Mm, she’s not only my artistic muse, but also the most important person in my life. 

MC: [blushing] I’m not... not as amazing as he says...

Right after I finish speaking, the hand on mine slowly entwines with my fingers.

The warmth emanating from his palm causes my heart to calm down.

MC: However... since he has already put it that way, I’ll work hard to become his muse. Because Kiro... is also the most important person to me. 

Eva: Ah, what a cute lady.

She lets out a light huff and turns her eyes back to Kiro, blue orbs filled with approval. 

Eva: I’m guessing your wish has already been fulfilled, am I right? 

Kiro: Yes. 

Eva: I wish the both of you happiness, and enjoyment in life. 

Kiro: Definitely, madam.

He finally opens the gift - it’s a black necklace with a black round pendant surrounded by a few gold coloured small stars. In the middle, there’s an engraved word “KIRO”

It’s a one-in-the-world necklace designed by MC

The necklace is made of siderite from a meteor, and the gold portions are made from star fragments (I’m not entirely sure about the names because I’m not familiar with minerals)

MC notes that it was only after breaking through the atmosphere that these minerals could come to earth

Just as these minerals are ‘gifts’ to the earth, Kiro is a gift to MC

After wearing it for a while, he puts it back into the box, and realises there’s something inside the necklace

 MC tells him not to open it yet, and tries snatching it away from him

She falls into his arms instead <3

So she angrily throws a pillow at him

He stuffs the necklace into his pocket and they engage in a pillow fight

SO CUTE

Kiro declares himself the winner

MC says he cannot open the watch until she's gone

Since he’s in a good mood, Kiro agrees 

They lie together on the bed to chat, exhausted from the pillow fight

MC: Come to think of it, the boss you were talking about during the livestream - was he KEY?

Kiro: Mm, he taught me a lot of things. 

MC: So the reason why you gave me the map, and let me solve the puzzles, was because you wanted to have a signal with me? 

Kiro: That’s one of the reasons, but more importantly... 

While he speaks, he slowly hooks onto my fingertips.

Kiro: Miss Chips and I don’t get to meet often because of all sorts of things, and I know that waiting is a painful process. 

He mutters his response, fastening his fingers tightly with mine, his face half-sinking into the mattress as he reveals a faint smile. 

Kiro: Which is why I don’t want you to feel bored while waiting for me. I hope each time we meet would be a step closer in our journey towards happiness.

MC: Kiro...

Kiro: Now that I think about it, KEY has really taught me a lot. Whether it’s knowledge related to hacking, or in understanding this world. 

MC: Understanding this world? 

Kiro: Mm. It’s that phrase, “you may be in darkness, but your heart is turned towards the light.”

Kiro: When I was still in chaos, these words were my direction. I believe that someday in the future, I will fulfil my dream, and do what I want to do, which includes... meeting the person I’ve been waiting a long time for.

With this, he looks at me quietly, his blue eyes hiding the bright starry sky.

Almost as if telling one not to look away.

My voice becomes incredibly soft, as though it’s floating in the universe. 

MC: You are also... the person I’ve been waiting a long time for.

Sleepiness overtakes my senses in the midst of his tender voice and gaze, but I can still remember to emphasise once more:

MC: Happy birthday, Kiro. Whether or not it’s your birthday, whether it’s today, or tomorrow, or any day in the future, you will always be incredibly happy. 

Kiro: Mm. With you around, I’ll definitely be incredibly happy.

Hearing these words, which sound like a promise, I peacefully and slowly close my eyes. 

In the haziness, I seem to feel a small feather falling on my eyelid.

It is tender and warm, as though it can breathe. 

Kiro: Goodnight. 

The kiss doesn’t disturb the girl’s light slumber. Kiro laughs lightly, and takes out the necklace from his pocket. 

Twisting the switch, the siderite cracks apart to reveal a hidden note.

The note reads - “Oh no, you’ve found the Easter egg > <”

On the other side is a link to a website. 

Thinking about the girl’s sly thoughts when designing such a gift, Kiro laughs again.

He retrieves his notebook computer from the bedside, inserts the link, and finds a downloadable voice pack.

He puts on his earphones and taps on the first voice recording.

MC: Heheh, you didn’t think this would be the second part of your birthday present right? We always have to part temporarily because of all sorts of things. In order for you not to miss me too much, I decided- dang dang! To present you with an MC alarm clock! 

MC: It’s time to wake up! If you don't get out of bed soon, Savin’s anger is going to fill to the brim~

MC: Has Kiro eaten his meals today?

MC: When you’re engrossed in work, don’t forget to protect your eyesight. One, two, three, four, the eye exercises shall begin!

MC: Before saying goodnight, remember to send me updates!

MC: Kiro, welcome home!

Every voice recording, no matter how long or short, is filled with the concern she has for him. 

Hearing the girl’s voice in his hear, Kiro’s lips curl upwards. 

Both of them always think of their own ways to fill in the blank spaces of time, painting them in colours belonging to each other. 

Kiro: Miss Chips...

Kiro leans down to stare at her sleeping face. He speaks in a way that only the two of them can hear clearly.

Kiro: The picture I mentioned in the livestream... I hid a small secret in it that only I know of. I want to share it with you. I drew a small rabbit. She’s my favourite, favourite new friend.

Kiro: Miss Chips, welcome to my home.  

—

Phone call: here

Video call: here

[gusu-emilu]

Wen Ning & Lan Sizhui: The Winter Plum Blossom

Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses, Rated G, 1.4k - read on AO3

@mdzsnet Happy Birthday Wen Ning <3

* * *

The path at the edge of the Cloud Recesses was covered with snow that crunched under Wen Ning’s feet, his soles flattening the snow into the stone path like stamps on a sheet of paper.

A-Yuan giggled. His voice had deepened over the last half of a year. Now even his giggles sounded lower, although they still lightened the air around him and made the corners of Wen Ning’s mouth curl up when he heard.

“Why are you laughing?” Wen Ning asked.

A few snowflakes nestled into A-Yuan’s eyelashes as he looked down the path behind them where Wen Ning’s stark footprints broke up the snow. “It’s just that…” He stifled a laugh. “I’m sorry, Wen-qianbei. It’s just that your footsteps are so loud and crunchy.”

“Oh.” Wen Ning smiled. “Oops.”

“It’s okay. Master won’t notice us.” A-Yuan rocked back and forth on his feet, then glanced at the deep trail of footprints again. “Although, I think he might find out we went somewhere.”

They had woken up early to take a walk together before A-Yuan’s lessons began for the day. It was the first winter Wen Ning was spending in Gusu and his first time seeing the region covered with snow. It was as though the Cloud Recesses itself wore the white robes of a Lan disciple.

A-Yuan had insisted on taking Wen Ning on this short morning trip to show him the prettiest winter scenery of the Cloud Recesses—despite their little outing being a violation of the curfew Lan Qiren enforced so strictly on Wen Ning.

He’s really been learning too much from Wei Ying lately, Wen Ning thought as he smiled to himself, shaking his head.

He turned around and took a few paces down the path back the way they had come.

“Wen-qianbei?” A-Yuan called softly. “Where are you going?”

“Look, we can cover our footprints,” Wen Ning said as he squatted down, shoveled a heap of snow into his arms, and stood up to dump the white fluff onto the path. The tracks his feet had left really were embarrassingly large. Better to hide them.

“I—I don’t think that—”

Wen Ning shoveled another armful of snow onto the path, his footprints vanishing under the mound. His sleeves were wet now. He didn’t mind. He was already…well, cold and dead. He could wade into a pool of icy water and never feel a chill. Dulled senses came in handy sometimes.

A-Yuan was giggling again. “Wen-qianbei?”

“Hm?” Wen Ning said, hugging another giant wad of snow into his chest.

“You’re…you’re still leaving more footprints when you cover the old ones.”

He looked down at the fresh marks he'd left in the snow. “Ah…oh well."

They continued along the path. The flurry of snowflakes scattered through the air had grown thicker. Wen Ning still held some of the snow in his arms, pushing it together until it became compact and rubbing its surface until it turned slick and icy.

“What are you making?” A-Yuan asked.

“I’m not sure,” Wen Ning said. He smoothed the top of his amorphous creation. “I never got to play with snow very much.”

He and Wei Ying both came from clans that lived under more heat and sun than sleet. Wei Ying had joked about constructing an ice sculpture when the first snow came to Gusu. Knowing him, he would probably make one for real, and Wen Ning wanted his own as well.

“Have you ever made anything from snow?” Wen Ning asked.

“Yes. I like drawing in it.” A-Yuan’s eyes lit up with fondness. “Jingyi and I drew a giant rabbit outside the Jingshi one year.”

“…That’s Hanguang-Jun’s room.”

A-Yuan smiled bashfully and folded his hands together. “He told us to flatten the drawing away, but he stared at it the entire time we were cleaning it up. And then a few days later we found a tiny snow-bunny sculpted and hidden behind the Jingshi.” He met Wen Ning’s gaze and nodded. “So I think he liked it.”

Wen Ning could almost feel the fuzziness inside himself imagining such a scene. “Maybe you should make something for him again this year.”

“I think so too. Oh, we’re here!”

They arrived at a clearing in the forest path with a glistening frozen pond surrounded by a grove of plum blossom trees in full bloom. Pink plum blossoms dotted the snow-laden branches like a million tiny hearts in a sea of ice.

Wen Ning drew in a deep breath, letting the vibrance of the flowers color his dulled senses, imagining how crisp and clean the air must be here. “This is beautiful, A-Yuan.”

“I thought you’d like it,” he said.

Wen Ning set down his misshapen snow sculpture at the edge of the pond and walked over to a tree. He placed his hand beneath one of the pink flowers and carefully lifted it closer to his face. “A-Yuan, do you remember Granny? My pópó?”

“Not as much as I would like to.” A-Yuan sidled up next to him, leaning forward to peer at the flower in Wen Ning’s hand. “But yes. She did help raise me.”

It was true. Back then, if Wen Ning wanted to find A-Yuan, the best place to start looking would be Granny’s lap. Otherwise he was probably wandering into someone’s field of crops or waddling around asking for snacks.

“Granny once told me and…” Wen Ning trailed off. He stroked one of the flower’s petals with his thumb. “She once told me and my sister about the five petals of the plum blossom,” he finished, his voice quiet.

“What did she say?” A-Yuan’s smile was smaller now. Hesitant.

“Each of the petals represents one of the Five Blessings.” He pointed to each petal as he spoke. “Health, wealth, longevity, virtue, and…” He closed his fingers on the last petal. “And…peaceful death.”

“Oh,” A-Yuan said.

The petal was limp and fragile in Wen Ning’s touch. “I think you should spend time here. Then you might get these blessings.”

A-Yuan nodded. “If you think so.”

They stood in silence for a while, admiring the flower Wen Ning held, until his mind drifted away.

“Wen-qianbei?”

“Ah?” Wen Ning started. As he turned to A-Yuan, he plucked the single petal off the plum blossom he had been holding. Dumbfounded, he stared at the small pink strip resting in the grey skin of his palm.

A-Yuan slowly reached forward and took Wen Ning’s hand, pressing it closed over the petal.

Warmth spread through Wen Ning’s body. A sensation that didn't come often.

“Plum blossoms…” A-Yuan seemed to search for the words. “Plum blossoms grow in the dead of winter.”

Wen Ning opened his hand to look at the petal one last time, then tucked it in his robes. A snowflake landed on his cheek. He let it stay there. It would take a while to melt.

“You’re right," Wen Ning said. "Although, the blossoms don’t last long. Fleeting. A bit like life,” he said with a soft chuckle. “But if you plant a tree, you’ll see them again soon.”

A-Yuan smiled.

Wen Ning picked a new flower off the tree and gave it to him. “Here.”

“Thank you, Wen-shushu.” A-Yuan held the blossom carefully as they headed back to the center of the Cloud Recesses, following the trail of Wen Ning’s footsteps.

“I’m glad Wei Ying planted you in the ground back then.”

“What?” A-Yuan said through laughter. “Why?”

“So that you could grow through the dead of winter.”

“But I was supposed to be a radish. Not a plum blossom.”

Wen Ning reached into his robes to check that the petal was still there. “Both are good.”

When they arrived back at the main buildings of the Cloud Recesses, each curved roof adorned with a fine layer of snow, Wen Ning reached for A-Yuan’s hand before he could head off to his room. A-Yuan looked back at him questioningly.

“Let’s make a snow sculpture for Hanguang-Jun,” Wen Ning said.

A-Yuan grinned. “Okay. I’ll get Jingyi.”

He ran off to his living quarters, his feet pounding into the trail, for once leaving footprints as deep as Wen Ning’s. Wen Ning watched him until he disappeared behind the doors. He lifted his face to the sky, letting the snow fall into his face.

Five blessings or not, he thought as a snowflake landed on his lips, I think this life will do.

[s-trawberryv-eins]

An Introduction

(NOT MY GIF)

AN INTRODUCTION TO CAROLINE STARK

A/N: Hi! Thanks for reading! So, after months of waffling about wanting to write, I finally sat down and did it. It’s pretty complicated, so it’s pretty important to read this one before you start with anything else. I’ve created an original character, who lives in a slightly alternative universe to the one we were left with after Endgame. I’d like to state that none of my personal changes are reflections of my opinions of what DID happen, but in order to build her as I wish, some things needed to be slightly different.

1)    Steve didn’t go back to Peggy after he returned the stones

2)    Hulk and Banner didn't become one, they’re still two separate beings

3)    Natasha was brought back by Steve as he was able to return the soul stone in return for her life

4)    The compound was rebuilt after the Battle of Earth. There is a memorial for Tony where he died.

A few other things to note:

1)    My first piece of writing will be a background that is applicable to all of the fics. However, many of them will be stand alone, unless I state otherwise. I’ll be creating a masterlist which will lay everything out very clearly, but please feel free to ask if you need to 😊

 Thanks for reading the boring stuff. Everything will be up soon!

 Summary: An introduction to the secret Stark sister. Who is she? Why was she kept a secret? And what happens when everybody finds out?

 Warnings: Abandonment, injury, PTSD, death, blood, but there's plenty of soft love too.

 Word count: 1921

 SUMMER 2004

MALIBU, CALIFORNIA

"Yes, yes, two seconds!" Tottering over to the front door of her bosses lavish Malibu home, Pepper Potts grumbled under her breath, annoyed by the fact that she was the one answering the incessant knocking. "I’m not your maid, Tony!” Sighing, she unlocked the door and prepared to shoo whichever reporter, play bunny, or cold caller had decided that 10 PM on a Tuesday evening was a good time to show up. However, she was greeted with something entirely unexpected.

“Oh! Hello! Are you lost? Where’s your Mom?" In front of Miss Potts stood a small girl, 7 years of age, a sparkly pink bag held tightly in her little hand. Pepper greeted the young girl with the cheeriest voice she could manage in her surprise. Sticking her head out of the door, she looked around, but with a furrowed brow she realised that they were alone. There wasn’t another figure or car in sight.

“Momma said I had to give you this." In her tiny outstretched hand was a thick envelope. "She said my Daddy lives here.” The look on her face told Pepper that she knew exactly what had happened. Even as young as she was, she had an obvious maturity that would break hearts. Her mother had abandoned her, and the girl understood that entirely.

With eyes so wide it hurt, Pepper took the envelope, peeking inside to find a passport, a letter, and a photograph of Mr Stark and a woman. The girls' mother, Pepper presumed. Shock was written into the PAs face, but she forced a smile all the same. After a quick look at the passport, she ushered the child inside.

"Come on in, Caroline. We’ll sort you out, okay?”

 LATE 2008

NEW YORK

A series of loud bangs on her bedroom door pulled Caroline from her daydream. Not even having a chance to respond, the door burst open and three young girls practically fell into her room.

“Turn the TV on!"

“As if you weren’t famous enough!"

“Did you know? You must've known?!"

Wide eyed and clueless as to what her friends were talking about, Caroline blinked back gormlessly as Amelie grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

“What channel?“

“Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?" The 11-year-old spoke up, and all three heads turned to face her, humour in their eyes as they stated what was seemingly obvious.

“Your dad, Care.” Caroline knew her Father had been in some trouble. Happy had shown up outside the halls of residence, whisking her away immediately. The panic set in as her heart sped up violently. As the girls scrambled through the channels, they froze as a man in a suit appeared on the screen. Caroline's dad. Tony Stark. They watched in awe as he addressed his audience. As his daughter, she'd watched a few press conferences before. They were a bore, however, she couldn't lie.

The TV remote fell from Amelie’s hand as he spoke the four words that changed history.

“I am Iron Man.”

 MAY 2012

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK

Footage of the Chitauri destroying the very ground she stood on flashed through Caroline’s mind. Gripping Happy’s arm as she sobbed, the 14-year-old girl cried out desperately for her Father. Their relationship had been very rocky for a while. He’d rejected his new responsibility at first, leaving Pepper to parent the girl. He’d even shipped her off to boarding school, where he further pushed away his long-lost child. It wasn’t until Pepper dragged him by the sleeve to the young girl’s dorm room and forced him inside that he’d actually spoken to his daughter. From there, they established a solid relationship. Caroline, of course, fell head over heels for her Father. He could do no wrong in her eyes. That never changed, even as she grew.

Fear wracked her body at the thought of Tony not surviving the battle. Staring at the sky, she prayed and prayed that he return from that giant swirling hole of death that currently dominated New York. When she saw his body fall through the sky, her fear both vanished and increased ten-fold.

-

Later that evening, JARVIS informed her of her Fathers arrival at the beaten-up tower. Racing to find him, she threw her arms around his neck and cried. She cried and cried until she ran out, but she never let go of his hand.

 MAY 2015

NOVI GRAD, SOKOVIA

“Daddy?” Her voice came out a whimper. She felt weak and small.

“Hey baby girl, I’m uh…I’m guessing you’ve seen, right? Yeah, it’s bad, Care.”

“Dad, what’s going on?”

“Listen, baby, I’ve gotta end this. Me and Thor, uh, we think we’ve got a way. A lot of people will die if we don’t do this. You're the best thing, you know?" His voice was soft, even as he continued to fight off robots and save the world. The line grew staticky and Caroline couldn’t stop the tears that spilled from her eyes. "I'm so glad you showed up on my doorstep all those years ago. I’m sorry for taking so long."

“Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye? Daddy you're scaring me!” Her voice was a desperate whimper, and a pain in her chest bloomed violently.

“I love you, Caroline. Remember th-" Horror erupted over her features as the line went dead. Not knowing whether she'd ever see him again, she made her way to New York, her heart dragging painfully behind her.

 NEW YEARS EVE 2015

AVENGERS COMPOUND

UPSTATE NEW YORK

Caroline and her Father walked through one of the many laboratories of the new compound. On her 18th birthday the Stark girl was offered a position as a biomechanical engineer for the new era S.H.I.E.L.D. program, built following its collapse in 2014. Taking after her Dad, she had excelled in school, and to the amazement of her new bosses, had landed a glowing recommendation from Iron Man himself. The decision for her to live under a different last name to Tony was one he himself had requested in a bid to keep her safe for as long as he could. She had never really met the other Avengers, and only three other people knew of her existence; Pepper, Happy, and Natasha Romanoff. It was easy enough to hide her identity.

Caroline didn’t mind too much. She could still see her parents as much as she pleased, and it prevented any special treatment from schools and professors. Those around Caroline herself knew; her school friends knew, she didn't want to keep a secret from them, and besides, she didn't know any better when she told them at 8 years old.

“How’re you settling in? Are you sure this isn’t too soon? This is too soon. I’m taking you-“ midway through his rambling, Tony realised his daughter both lived and worked at the compound, rendering his threat useless. "I'll take you somewhere. Details, schmetails."  

“Dad! Calm down! You’re spiralling. I’m fine, I’m settling in just fine! Now come on, I need to meet everyone.” A proud smile graced the young girls features as she tried to rid her rather of any worry. With a sigh, he took his daughters hand in his own and led her to the Avengers quarters. Separating just before they entered the room, Caroline took a shaky breath.

“Folks gather round. This is our new Doc. With Banner MIA," his brows drew together as he spoke, and his gaze fell to the floor for a second before finding Caroline "she’s our go to! This is Caroline. Caroline Lockwood.”  A half smile appeared on his face, the bittersweet moment getting the best of him. After a few brief introductions, the girl bid them goodbye to get ready for one of Tony Starks famous New Year’s Eve parties.

 JUNE 2018

AVENGERS COMPOUND

UPSTATE NEW YORK

Pepper sat with her daughter, a blanket around the two of them as they hid. They sat in silence, unable to find the words. Trying to maintain hope when everything around them told them to give up was the hardest battle they'd fought yet. “Momma? We’ll be fine, right? We always win.” Her voice nothing but a whisper in the darkness, she felt her adoptive mothers’ fingers tighten around her own.

“We'll be fine, baby. Your Dad will do what he always does. He'll save us. He'll save everybody.” The sad smile on Caroline's face couldn’t be seen in the dark, but Pepper could tell the moment that it fell. She felt the energy in the air shift. Did they lose? “Baby? Baby what’s wrong?" Placing her soft hands either side of her daughter’s face, she gasped sharply as the blanket fell around them, no longer supported by two bodies. Instead, a dark ash took the place of the youngest Stark.

“I’m sorry, Momma" she choked out before disintegrating completely "I'm sorry.”

Pepper was left alone, covered in heartbreak, grief, and the ashes her child left behind.

OCTOBER 2023

ATLANTA, GEORGIA

"Hey, sweetie. Do you want Mom?" Morgan shook her head and stepped closer to her sister.

“Can you help me? You’re my sister.” With sad, glazed over eyes, Caroline nodded. It's not difficult to sympathise with the two girls. Morgan knew all about her big sister. Stories were told, and pictures were framed in every inch of the house. Morgan idolised her before she’d ever met her. And when, by some miracle, they did meet, it was a few days before their fathers’ funeral. Two days before that, Caroline had been dead.

Dead.

It'd been one hell of a week.

To say the oldest Stark sister walked on eggshells around the younger one would be an understatement. Allowing their relationship to be on Morgan’s terms was the least she could do. The thought that Morgan may reject her completely never left her mind, despite Peppers constant reassurance. “I can braid your hair, if you’d like. Momma taught me when I was a little girl."

-

"Where's Morgan?" Pepper's voice barely registered in Caroline’s brain. She could feel herself drifting further and further away every day. But she didn't have the strength to fight it.

“Happy took her for cheeseburgers.” A hint of smile traced her mouth, but it didn't stick. It never stuck. The bags under her eyes were heavy and dark, and the once rich brown of her eyes seemed to have dulled miserably. After receiving her own private recording from Stark, she felt as if she'd broken completely. Turning to face Pepper, she struggled to continue, her voice hoarse from crying and screaming in the night. "They should be back an-"

“MOMMY SISSY UNCLE HAPPY BOUGHT EXTRA.” Watching the tiny girl stumble through the door, a brown paper bag clutched tightly to her chest, Caroline just stared in awe. Of course, Morgan was too young to really understand what happened. She missed her Daddy, and she knew he wasn’t coming home, but she managed to smile. Her eyes shined bright as ever. The world hadn't tainted her hope, it hadn’t torn away her faith.

It would be so, so easy to just let go. To just give up and fall into the oblivion that called her name. But in doing so, she'd miss even more time with her sister. Watching her eat with a pensive look on her face, clutching on to Pepper and watching all the strangers around her, Caroline made a choice. She could do it for Morgan. She could hold on and keep going.

So, she did.

TAGS:

@bucky-castiel​

[lisatelramor]

Ohaka Mairi

 First of the fic to celebrate 10 years of fandom, this on a Tiger & Bunny fic for @vulcansdarkest <3 I know you didn’t say WHAT for T&B, but hope you like this ^_^;; Also, who else is excited about the news of a 2nd T&B season???

***

Getting a call at seven in the morning on his day off was not a pleasant start to Barnaby’s day. The fact that it was from Kotetsu both made it better and worse. Better because Barnaby did enjoy hearing from him, but worse because if Tiger was up at seven on his day off, it usually meant something was up. “Yes?” Barnaby said, not bothering to hide that he’s a bit annoyed to be woken up on the one day he allows himself to sleep in.

“Bunny!” Kotetsu said, too cheerful by far. “Are you free today?”

Was that a trick question? Kotetsu knew it was Barnaby’s day off. He also knew that usually Barnaby spent half of the day doing a bit of housework and light reading, and the other half either socializing or getting out of the apartment in some way, shape or form. “I don’t have any time sensitive plans,” he said finally. “Why?”

“Great! Can you come over? I meant to ask you earlier this week, but you know, with work and—”

Barnaby tuned him out as Kotetsu went rambling on with excuses. Which meant Kotetsu was nervous about something and had been putting off asking, probably. Barnaby scrubbed at his eyes. “Fine,” he said, cutting off a babble about the importance of… picking the right breakfast food? He had no idea how that was relevant to anything. “When do you want me to be there?”

“Does ten work?” Kotetsu asked.

If Barnaby got up now instead of sleeping more, he could have a leisurely breakfast, clean his dishes, do a bit of exercise and read a chapter of his current novel before going to see Kotetsu. Or he could sleep another hour and be rushed through that list. “I’ll see you at ten,” he said and hung up. If he didn’t hang up Kotetsu could babble on for another half an hour. And Barnaby would let him because it was both somewhat irritating and something he found cute. He had a hard time refusing Kotetsu anything these days.

He realized a moment later that Kotetsu never explained what he wanted Barnaby to come over for, but that was Kotetsu. Barnaby stretched. Well, he was awake now, so leisurely morning it was.

o*O*o

Barnaby had a key to Kotetsu’s apartment, not that he used it often. More often than not, Kotetsu was waiting for him at the door by the time he came over, or they spent time in Barnaby’s apartment instead. No one was waiting for him this time so Barnaby let himself in.

There was music playing, the oldies that Kotetsu liked, and Barnaby could hear Kotetsu talking in a low, distracted sounding voice before he even reached the living room.

“Hello,” he called. “You said ten, and it’s ten, old man.”

Kotetsu’s voice paused and Barnaby had a split second to brace himself as he rounded the corner before a teenage girl latched onto him.

“Barnaby!” Kotetsu’s daughter cried happily. “You’re here!”

“Kaede.” Barnaby awkwardly hugged her back, looking past her to a very sheepish looking Kotetsu. “I didn’t know you were here today.”

“I spent the night,” Kaede said. “Dad and I always try to spend today together when we can.”

Barnaby tried to remember if there was anything special about today’s date and drew a blank. It wasn’t Kotetsu’s birthday and it wasn’t Kaede’s birthday either. It wasn’t a holiday. He couldn’t remember if Kotetsu had done anything around this date last year either. “Oh?” he said finally, pinning Kotetsu with a look that demanded an explanation.

“It’s Tomoe’s birthday,” Kotetsu said, fiddling with his wedding ring, and oh. Barnaby felt a stab of empathy alongside confusion. “Kaede and I usually visit her grave.”

“We bring flowers and a picnic with foods she liked,” Kaede said with a bittersweet smile, “and tell her how our lives are going.”

“That sounds like a great way to remember her,” Barnaby said, knowing how much they both still cared even so many years later, “but why am I here?”

Kotetsu avoided Barnaby’s eyes. “Well. You see.”

“Because you’re family,” Kaede said over her father, throwing him an annoyed look. “It’s about time you meet her. Someone was supposed to talk to you about it ages ago.”

Kotetsu laughed weakly. Barnaby was frozen by Kaede’s explanation. Family. “I know it probably seems like a weird request,” Kotetsu said, “but Kaede’s right. You’re part of the family. I almost asked you along last year but…”

“He chickened out, Kaede said, looking unimpressed by her father’s embarrassment.

“Right,” Kotetsu said. “You’ll come though, right? I’ve told Tomoe all about you so it only feels right to bring you.”

He looked so hopeful and vulnerable that Barnaby knew he’d never be able to say no even if the idea of visiting a stranger’s grave made him feel a bit uncomfortable and like he’d be invading their tradition. When Kaede turned that same hopeful look in his direction, any protest he could have formed crumbled like wet chalk. “I’ll come,” he said.

Kaede immediately brightened with a little cheer and Kotetsu smiled so soft and grateful that Barnaby felt almost guilty because he definitely didn’t deserve that sort of expression directed at him. At the same time he hoarded every moment Kotetsu looked at him like he was important. It was the last thing he should be feeling considering they would be visiting Kotetsu’s wife’s grave. The wife he still very much loved.

“Thank you, Bunny,” Kotetsu said.

Barnaby cleared his throat and couldn’t meet his eyes. “Is there anything I can do to help or…?”

“We made all the food this morning!” Kaede said holding up a bento-style box. “Dad has the tools and incense, and we just need to get flowers!”

“Tools?” Barnaby asked.

Kotetsu picked up a bucket, scoop, and a small broom and rake set. “To clean the grave,” he said. Barnaby, who had never had a need to clean his parents’ graves, blinked. “You’ll see,” Kotetsu said.

“You can carry lunch,” Kaede said, pushing the box into Barnaby’s hands. “I’m going to choose the flowers.”

Barnaby resigned himself to following whatever orders she gave him; he didn’t really know what to expect with any of this.

Kotetsu elbowed him gently. “It’s nothing intimidating,” he said reassuringly. “It’s mostly just a picnic.”

“In a graveyard.”

“Yeah, but where else is best to talk to people you love who moved on?”

Barnaby thought that if he was going to talk to the deceased then it honestly wouldn’t matter where he was doing it from, but if it was what helped Kotetsu, then it was as good a place as any.

“C’mon,” Kaede said heading for the door. “It’s a train ride to get there and I want to get the best flowers before someone else does!”

“You heard her, Bunny, let’s go!”

Barnaby shook his head fondly and followed after them.

o*O*o

Barnaby had been to Kotetsu’s hometown once, and he’d spent the whole trip feeling mildly overwhelmed as Kotetsu’s family welcomed him with open arms. It wasn’t really a surprise that Kotetsu’s wife’s grave was in that same town instead of the city.

“Graves are a family thing,” Kotetsu explained after his brother had dropped them off at the cemetery in his old work truck. He picked his way through rows of headstones that looked less like the graves Barnaby was used to and more like compact stone shrines with pebbled walkways between the rows instead of grassy hills and planted flower bushes. “Every family has one, and your ancestors are buried there, and probably your descendants will be too, though this cemetery isn’t too old, so… Not quite the spanning family shrine some of the real old ones are.”

“How far back is yours?” Barnaby asked, hoping that wasn’t too morbid of a question to ask.

“Eh, only to my great-grandfather. And not all my relatives got buried here. There was a fight in my Gramps’ generation and half the family moved north and never talked to anyone around here again, and if people marry out, then they’re considered part of that family and…” He waved a hand. “It’s complicated. My dad’s buried here though, and a few other relatives.”

“I see.”

“Hurry up!” Kaede called already far ahead in the rows of graves. “You’re so slow.”

“It’s not a race!” Kotetsu called back. “She’s only carrying the flowers,” he muttered, readjusting the bucket of water and garden tools in his hands.

“Want me to take the tools?” Barnaby offered. He only had the food in hand after all.

“I’m fine, I can do this much,” Kotetsu grumbled.

“Suit yourself.”

Kaede came to a stop up ahead, impatiently shifting as they walked closer. The grave was no different from the ones around it that Barnaby could tell, carefully inscribed with Japanese script and a walkway up to it with stone containers for flowers and incense at the base of the grave. It was better cared for than some of the ones they’d passed, but there were still a few scattered leaves and some grass poking up between the stones.

“Not too bad,” Kotetsu said, looking the grave over. “Kaede, why don’t you and Bunny take care of the weeds while I wash the grave?”

“Got it!” Kaede set down her flowers and grabbed Barnaby’s hand. He barely set down the food before she was dragging him over to the garden tools and claiming the tiny rake for herself. “You can sweep up,” she said hold the hand broom out. Barnaby took it and she ran over to start picking grass out between stones.

Kotetsu saw him looking lost and pulled him over. “If she has you sweeping, maybe dust things off before I wash?”

“Right.” That at least was simple enough and he swept away the leaves and dust on the main part of the grave before moving on to the places Kaede finished pulling weeds from to sweep that dirt and bits of dried grass away. Behind him, Kotetsu poured water over the grave and emptied the incense and flower containers of anything that remained in them.

The cleaning didn’t take long, but it was surprisingly companionable, Kotetsu humming something softly and Kaede directing her attention to the task with all the ferocity a twelve year old could manage. Barnaby helped get the last of the grass and they stood back to look at a very clean grave.

Kaede pulled out the flowers—tiger lilies and sunflowers, because Tomoe had liked them, Kotetsu had explained—and arranged them in one of the containers. Kotetsu set incense in the other, lighting it. A sweet, spice-scented smoke rose into the air.

“This is…” Kotetsu pursed his lips. “Usually we take a moment to say something privately, and then go on with things out loud.”

“I won’t interrupt,” Barnaby said feeling out of place.

“Well that’s no good,” Kaede said, “you should say something too.” She tugged Barnaby forward until they were all kneeling in front of the grave.

Barnaby didn’t know what to do, but Kaede bowed her head and made a face like she was trying to telepathically project her thoughts beyond the grave. Kotetsu didn’t quite bow his head or close his eyes, but he went very still, focused inward. They both had private thoughts to say, Kaede to the mother she probably barely remembered and Kotetsu to the woman he had loved.

He watched the smoke rise in lazy coils and wondered what he could say to this woman that meant so much to people he cared about. This woman whose presence lingered even so many years later in Kotetsu and Kaede’s lives.

Would she have approved of Barnaby if she was still alive? Of his closeness to Kotetsu or…? But would he and Kotetsu have gotten as close as they were if she had been alive? It’s a strange feeling, acknowledging how loss had shaped them both. Those holes never quite filled in and left a network of scars that seem to never end. But for all that they were lost, they had been loved. Tomoe was loved still, and no matter the occasional thought wishing Kotetsu wouldn’t hurt over her anymore, he’d never begrudge Kotetsu for caring. He just hoped that if there was a spirit out there watching, she didn’t mind too much that Barnaby had fit in to the broken places in her loved ones’ lives.

Kotetsu shifted, the serious look in his eyes fading to a nostalgic smile. He patted Barnaby’s knee. “This is Barnaby,” he said out loud. “Bunny. I should have brought him here sooner. He’s my partner and I care about him a lot, so expect to see him again in the future.” Kotetsu wanted him to come back and do this again? “He’s looked after me a lot the last few years, and I’d like to think I look after him some too.”

“You do,” Barnaby said, because it was true. They watched each other’s backs. Kotetsu helped give him purpose. Made him a better person. And he helped keep Kotetsu grounded and focused. He liked to think he made Kotetsu smile.

As if on cue, Kotetsu gave him one of the bright, soft smiles that made Barnaby want to fall into his orbit and never leave.

“He’s a pretty cool hero too,” Kaede piped up. “Cooler than Dad.”

“Ouch,” Kotetsu said with an overdramatic hand to his heart. He said something else, so quiet Barnaby only caught something about a promise, before he said louder, “I’m still doing my best, and Bunny helps make that possible. I hope you can welcome him into the family.”

“Of course she does,” Kaede said. “She cares about us being happy and Barnaby is part of that.”

Kotetsu laughed, lifting his hand from Barnaby’s knee to muss Kaede’s hair affectionately. Kaede squawked. “And look at Kaede, she’s almost a teenager! She was so little just a little while ago!”

“Dad, stop being embarrassing!” Kaede complained.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Barnaby teased.

“Betrayal,” Kotetsu said, leaning back like he took a blow. “And to think that I thought you both loved me.”

“Stop being a goof and let’s eat,” Kaede said.

“Right, right,” Kotetsu said with a sigh. He stood up and offered Barnaby a hand.

o*O*o

Kotetsu had actually cooked something that wasn’t fried rice (though there was a small portion of fried rice in the bento). Kaede, noticing him looking in surprise at the variety of foods, said, “Don’t worry, I helped. Nothing’s going to poison you.”

“I can cook just fine,” Kotetsu said, passing plates around. A single small plate went on the grave. Barnaby observed this and guessed that there’d be some kind of food offering and that the shared meal was literal in some sense.

“And yet all I ever see you make is fried rice,” Barnaby said.

“Oi. I made you fried chicken that one time.”

“Mm, yes. One time.” Barnaby smiled as Kotetsu pouted.

“You can barely cook.”

Barnaby shrugged. “You liked the pasta I made you just fine.”

Kotetsu opened his mouth, closed it, and pouted more. Kaede openly laughed at him.

“You see what I deal with?” Kotetsu said toward the gravestone, and oh that was a bit odd, but at the same time… nice. Like there actually was a conversation going on. “Bunny likes to tease me.”

“You make it so easy to do so.”

“You know what? You’re eating some of the seaweed salad,” Kotetsu said to Barnaby even though he knew Barnaby didn’t like it.

Barnaby wrinkled his nose but took it with good grace. “So all the food you included were your wife’s favorites?”

“Yeah,” Kotetsu said. He plucked items from the bento with a pair of chopsticks with ease, putting a little bit of each on all of the plates. Enough that everyone had one of everything, including the grave offering. “Neither of us was huge on cooking, but we both had a few things we made and we’d make them over and over.” He grinned at the memory. “I thought for sure we would get sick of some of them, but you know what? Crappy store bought pasta sauce on cheap noodles is still a comfort food. It’s funny though. When Tomoe got pregnant with Kaede she decided she was going to figure out how to cook for real.” Kotetsu placed a piece of chicken on Kaede’s plate. “She tried a new recipe every week. Almost burnt down the kitchen once. I’d come home and she’d drag me to the kitchen to either try whatever she came up with or help cut things up while she kept things from burning.”

“And you still didn’t figure out how to cook much,” Kaede said.

“Hey, I got better back then too! You don’t remember but on my days off I’d make you pancakes with silly shapes for breakfast and cook dinners so Tomoe had a break.” Kotetsu looked down at his plate, lost in the past. “All the recipes she liked she wrote down and kept in the cupboard… So these are the same recipes,” he finished, focusing on Barnaby.

“It’s kind of cool that I can sort of taste what Mom’s cooking would be like,” Kaede said. “Though I don’t know if either of us made it right.”

“No, it’s pretty close.” Kotetsu took a bite of some seasoned vegetables. “Pretty close.”

Barnaby ate slowly as Kotetsu and Kaede shared a few stories back and forth—things Kotetsu did with Tomoe or that Kotetsu’s mother had told Kaede about over the years.

“We went to high school together you see,” Kotetsu said to Barnaby, and Barnaby vaguely remembered it being mentioned before years ago, though Kotetsu rarely spoke about Tomoe much at all. “And I already knew Antonio, though we didn’t get along. Did I tell you about the kidnapping thing?” he asked Kaede.

“I’ve heard that story a million times,” Kaede said.

Kotetsu looks at Barnaby.

“…I feel like Antonio told it to me once, but we were drunk at the time.”

Kotetsu grinned. “So. Mind you everyone involved were idiot teenagers…”

Barnaby remembered more details as Kotetsu went into a story about gangs and kidnappings and how he ended up friends with Antonio and dating Tomoe and how she’d given him the courage to go into heroism.

“I knew I wanted to see more of the world than my hometown,” Kotetsu said, “but until then I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do. There are some things I regret but… I’ll never regret becoming a hero.”

“I for one am glad you did,” Barnaby said.

Kotetsu sent him a wide grin, and then conversation moved toward more talking about where their lives had changed since the last time they visited the grave, Kotetsu roping him in to talk about some of the more interesting arrests they’d pulled off and the charity work Barnaby continued to do.

As time went on, Barnaby found himself talking unprompted, bringing up daily life with Kotetsu and other heroes and the silly little things that meant so much because they were mundane. Like mornings on days Kotetsu stayed over, sharing coffee as they watched the news, or everyone hanging around the exercise equipment to train and tease and gossip to their hearts’ content. For so long life hadn’t been enjoyable. Barnaby hadn’t had close friends. But now he had mornings without nightmares the night before. He had friends who joked and teased and were there when he needed them. He felt fulfilled where before he felt driven by something close to desperation.

Now Barnaby had moments like this. Belonging because someone cared enough to make space to let him stay.

The food ran out and the stories tapered off. Kotetsu wrapped up the plate that the offerings were on—“It’s not sanitary or good for the wildlife to leave it, Bunny”—and Kaede lit one more stick of incense as she prayed again.

There was nothing for Barnaby to do, but he didn’t feel awkward anymore. In fact…

He knelt next to Kaede, this time trying to think of something to actually say to the woman Kotetsu had loved, still loved and probably always would. That love didn’t mean he didn’t have room in his heart for others.

Thank you, he thought. I don’t know where I’d be if he hadn’t been a hero. If Kotetsu never became Wild Tiger… If he’d retired after his wife’s death… If he’d walked away instead of agreeing to be Barnaby’s partner… Barnaby probably wouldn’t be here right now, or at the very least he wouldn’t be nearly so happy. I’ll try to keep supporting him. To be happy with him as a partner.

He took a breath and let it out slowly. I love him and I hope that’s okay.

Barnaby still hadn’t said it to Kotetsu yet, but he would, someday. He’d like to be partners in all senses of the word. He was pretty sure that they were halfway there already even if nothing had been said. Sometimes Kotetsu looked at Barnaby with the same soft expression he used when he talked about Tomoe and it gave Barnaby hope.

Barnaby would never be a replacement, and he would never want to be.

After a day like today though, he could picture that future, of being adopted into Kotetsu’s family truly. He wanted that.

I’ll be back, he promised the ghost of a woman he would never meet.

When Barnaby looked up, Kotetsu was smiling, holding out a hand.

Barnaby took it and didn’t let go.

o*O*o

“Next year,” Kotetsu said after they dropped Kaede off with his mother, “would you like to help cook with Kaede and me?” Kotetsu’s hands flailed a bit, garden tools rattling in their plastic bag. “If you want to come back again, that is! You don’t have to if it was too weird. I know you probably have different traditions for remembrance and—”

“Yes,” Barnaby said.

“Yes?” Kotetsu echoed, shocked. “Really?”

“It was… surprisingly fun considering we spent several hours in a graveyard.” He wet his lips. “And it means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

Kotetsu gave him that soft look again. “Yeah. It really does.”

“Then I’ll be there.” Barnaby smiled back.

“There’s a festival in August, Obon, that’s a bit like a carnival and a bit where you go clean your ancestor’s grave and remember them. A little like Dia de los Muertos from what Antonio’s told me of his family. It would be all my family, but would you be willing…?”

“Of course.”

“Good because you’re family.” Kotetsu snorted. “I mean I’m pretty sure my mom adopted you back there.”

Barnaby laughed.

Kotetsu pulled him into a hug—a proper hug not just his usual arm over the shoulder. “Thanks. Really.” And Barnaby could swear he felt Kotetsu’s lips graze his cheek as he pulled back, but he wasn’t sure.

The light blush on Kotetsu’s cheeks said he hadn’t imagined it though.

Soon, Barnaby thought, letting their shoulders and hands brush together as they waited for the train home. Soon he would put the feelings in his chest to words. And by the point he did, he knew Kotetsu would meet him halfway like he did time and again in their partnership.

[itskateak]

Oceans and Stars - Epilogue

Story Summary: A story of how Bucky Barnes falls in love with oceans, stars, and the woman who gave him the reasons to.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Velika Dante King (Fem!OC)

Chapter Summary: The Ocean at the Edge of the World has a legend about it. And Velika decides to put it to the test.

Words: 1K

Warnings: Fluff

A/N: And the series is done! Two things: I will never, ever get tired of listening to this song. And my next writing project is Mint Ice Cream & Bubblegum Kisses (Bucky Barnes x Reader). This has been fun to get into writing for tumblr and writing quick and short series. :)

This work is a gift to @fightmemacbeth​, who is the whole reason I am in the Marvel Fandom in the first place. If it wasn’t for her constantly making references to the films (and Agents of Shield) for years on end, I never would’ve gotten fed up enough to just watch the MCU. 

It’s also her fault I’m in love with Bucky Barnes. She started talking about Winter Soldier and I wasn’t remembering details of that film so I went back and rewatched the Captain America films. That was when I fell in love with Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier. 

What I’m saying is: Thank you, Em, for showing me the wonderful thing that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe is. 

Happy Birthday :) <3 

I’m still not getting into Twilight.

 Masterlist

                       ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯．．．

Velika dismounted her horse and landed in the black sand. Her hair blew wildly in the breeze, her skirt billowing around her legs as well. She smiled as Bucky slid off beside her, a breath of amazement leaving him.

The Ocean at the Edge of the World was just as beautiful as she had remembered, if not more. The crystalline blue ocean reflected the setting sun, which painted the sky all sorts of fiery colors. The black sand was warm from the heat of the sun.

"You weren't joking," Bucky whispered, eyes wide. He looked out at the ocean to where it disappeared into the horizon. "It's gorgeous."

"I know. I had never been here before the war, but it was the perfect spot to camp for a few days."  Velika took the horse's reins from him, leading them down the beach to the tidal pools, which held fresh water for them to drink from. 

Bucky followed her, eyes trained on the ocean. His hair was tied in a low bun, but a few stray pieces framed his face from where they'd fallen out. 

"Once I get the horses settled, we can watch the sunset and wait for the stars to come out." Velika tied the horses to a post, petting their muzzles. They snuffled at her and bent their heads to drink from the pools. 

Bucky pulled the packs from the horses and swung them over his shoulder. She reached for his hand and twined her fingers with his, starting back down the beach.

"This really is a beautiful place," Bucky said wistfully. 

"Just wait until the sun goes down and the stars come out." Velika smiled and tugged him closer to the water. They stopped and rolled out a blanket. She slipped her shoes off and ran to the water's edge, her hair flying behind her. She slowed and let the waves wash over her feet and she smiled broadly.

Bucky wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to her cheek. He swayed her slightly, smiling as she laughed. "Your eyes are the same color as the water."

"My eyes are a lighter blue, darling. The water is turquoise. Or cerulean." Velika leaned back against his chest, looking up at him with an amused smile.

"You think so?" Bucky mused, glancing between the water and her eyes. "Yeah, I think you're right." He leaned down and kissed her gently, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek.

Velika laid a hand over his, pulling back after a moment. "You know, this was where I realized I was in love with you."

"Really?"

"Mhmm. During the war, when we camped here. I sat on the shore and stared at the stars. And I just knew." She turned back to look at the horizon. 

"Remember that cove in the Caribbean we found?" He asked, resting his chin on her shoulder. The water washed over their feet, conforming around their ankles without care and greeting them like old friends.

"The one where I dragged you into the water in our underwear?" Velika rested her hands on his where they were wrapped around her waist.

"That's where I knew. Steve and I were out there to clear the base you and I reconned. It was while you were gone and I was missin' you like crazy. He and I just talked for hours and suddenly I just knew." Bucky hummed in her ear, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

"I love you," Velika said.

"I love you, too," Bucky whispered.

                       ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

The stars eventually began to fill the sky, twinkling brightly like they were laughing. The horizon entirely disappeared as the reflection on the Ocean made it nearly indistinguishable of where the sky ended and water began. It was still impossible to make any sort of constellation, but that didn't stop them from trying. A dolphin. A rose. A bunny with the moon. 

Velika laid with her head on Bucky's chest, curled into his side. He rubbed circles on her hip with his thumb, other arm folded under his head. She sat up, rifling through the bags quietly.

"Whatcha doin', doll?" Bucky asked, rolling onto his side to watch her. 

"There's a legend about this Ocean and I figured we could put it to the test while we're out here." Velika drew a marker and flat stone out with a smile. 

"I'm intrigued." Bucky propped his head up with his elbow with a lopsided grin.

"Legend has it, Fate herself made this Ocean. If two lovers write their initials on either side of a stone and throw it as far as they can into the Ocean, the stars will tell them if Fate decrees they should be together. Legend says that every star in this sky were created by lovers casting stones in. A new star will join the sky if the lovers are meant to be." Velika explains, shifting to her knees. She writes her initials - V. D. K. - onto the stone and holds them out to Bucky.

Bucky took the marker and stone, turning it over to write J. B. B. by the light of the full moon. He got to his feet, helping her up and walking with her down to the water's edge. 

"Would you like to throw it?" He asked, tucking the marker into his pocket.

"You do the honors, baby." She responded, stepping back to give him space. 

Bucky brought his arm back and threw the stone as far as he could. The surface of the Ocean was barely disturbed. 

Velika wrapped her arms around his torso, laying her head on his chest. His arms fell around her waist, resting his chin on the top of her head. 

The Ocean's waves were steady, like Bucky's heartbeat. She watched the sky, waiting to see if the legends were true. The stars twinkled back at her, winking and blinking like they were excited. 

Velika grinned suddenly and pulled him down to kiss her. She stood on her toes, throwing her arms around his neck to hold him tight. He smiled into the kiss. 

A new Star sparkled brilliantly above them, reflecting in the Ocean.

𝓞𝓬𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓼 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼

[jiangsspace]

3 TAEHYUNGS x best friend ver.

Having a hot rapper as a best friend had its perks. Firstly, he would always invite you to the best after-parties and introduce you to his famous rapper friends. Secondly, he was the perfect fake boyfriend at bars. Slightly too aggressive when you were approached by guys who wanted to offer you a drink.

“That guy was super slimy!” Taehyung exclaimed as he dropped the possessive boyfriend act and retracted his dominant hand from your waist.

“But that’s just because you think no guy is good for me—” you sighed as you turned around in the bar stool to go and order another ---.

“Well, yeah you could say that. But did you see that guy’s eyes? Roaming all over your body! Disgusting!” He spat the last words like they were bitter.

Taehyung was your best friend because he got you perfectly. All those lazy nights where you just talked and laughed your asses off were golden. He loved the same movies as you, listened to the same music as you and laughed at the same jokes as you.

Even that one night when Taehyung called you up at 2AM knowing you were still up.

“Lipi-ya!” He screamed into the phone so loud you thought you were going to lose hearing.

“What the fuck!” you cursed failing to contain your laughter. He always started his conversation with a scream.

“I have a present for you,” he whispered. “I’m downstairs, let me in.” Click. Never before had he hung up on you like that but you decided not to make him wait since it was so late. Besides, it was winter and you knew he wasn’t wearing warm clothes— he never did.

“Fuck, it’s cold!” he shivered, dragging his words out. He shrugged the leather jacket off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor with a thump.

“You are aware of the fact that you might catch a cold if you keep roaming the streets in nothing but a leather jacket, right?” you scolded him with your hands on your hips.

“I can’t take you seriously when you’re wearing such adorable sandals,” he pointed at your bunny slippers.

“They’re slippers, dummy—” you glared at him raising your hand as if to give him a slap on the arm.

“Anyway, I got you a gift.” He pushed past you into the kitchen and rummaged your fridge for a minute searching for his favorite energy drink. Why on earth did you support his sick habit?

“What for?” you wondered, sitting down on the worn out couch. Taehyung smile at you wickedly and took out a small box out of the kangaroo pocket of his oversized Thrasher hoodie — which, for the record, you got for him as a birthday gift.

“I just released some new music  — a true fan would know, by the way,” he sighed dramatically.

“Why did you buy me a gift?” You were still so confused. “I mean, why are you rewarding me for releasing new stuff?”

“‘Cause you always support me and let me whine and complain to you,” Taehyung smiled. You motioned for him to sit down next to you, which he did. 

Opening the box you saw a beautiful emerald bracelet with a golden clasp. Taehyung grabbed the jewel delicately into his long fingers and made a move to tie it around your wrist.

“It’s custom-made by the way,” he pointed out concentrated on the clasp.

“You. Are a dummy!” you exclaimed while trying not to sniff and cry.

“You’re the most fashionable out of all my friends—” you twirled in front of Taehyung to show off the new outfit you had gathered together with your minimal student budget.

“I’m your only friend,” Taehyung cut you off with a deadly smirk, rendering you to stop dead in your tracks.

“Mean much?” You pout at his sudden witty remark.

You met Taehyung in high school where he was the aspiring drama kid and passionate singer whereas you were the piano prodigy assigned to play at every school performance. When your music teacher paired the tall and friendly kid with the cute piano player, a friendship was inevitable.

“I’m third grade student Kim Taehyung.” He extended a lanky arm with long fingers at you. Hesitantly, you took it.

“Third grade student Y/N.” You blurted out.

Over time you two became closer and you spent nearly every waking hour together. By the time high school was over you had both enrolled into the same university — by accident.

Taehyung had converted from the tall yet skinny boy into a man with muscles.

“Oh shut up! I could easily lift you over my head!” Taehyung towered over you.

“That’s just because you’re taller!” You laughed at his face, taunting him.

Taehyung let out an exaggerated scoff shaking his head in that adorable way when he was inconvenienced or annoyed.

“Don’t make me lift you over my head,” he smiled, taunting you.

“Are you threatening me? Me?” you laughed, but your snickering was cut by Taehyung’s quick hands that took a firm hold of your waist and lifted you up on his broad shoulders. Gasping out loud you kicked your foot as a reflex, but Taehyung had an iron strong grip on your middle.

“Take your words back!” He playfully growled into your ear.

“Never!”

“Why do you always skate so close to me?” you let out an exasperated sigh to which Taehyung just shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s because I like you so much!” he smiles his boxy smile and sends you one of his annoyingly adorable V-signs.

Lately Taehyung was acting different and you couldn’t quite wrap your head around his behavior. He was kind to you on other days as well, but lately he had been so much more thoughtful and caring. He was acting so differently, it almost scared you. It definitely took you off guard when he would show up to your daily hangout spot with your favorite drinks and snacks.

“Here, I brought you the banana kicks you like so much,” he blurted out throwing the bag of heaven into your lap.

“You do know I could’ve just bought these on my own, right?” you lifted your head up to meet his stern gaze as he rolled up with his skateboard.

“Yeah, I know.” He scrunched his nose in protest. “But it’s more practical I buy them for you on my way here, right?”

You threw your head back to let it rest on the tree trunk you had been leaning on while waiting for him. He seemed uncomfortable as he rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his sneakers like they were the most interesting artwork there ever was.

“Tae,” you drew his attention to you. “Talk to me.”

He scrunched his face in shame, the defined eyebrows quivering ever so slightly. But he complied and sat down next to you. Taehyung had a confession to make — which he didn’t really want to admit. At least not to you.

“You know there are no topics you can’t discuss with me.” You pressed your head on his shoulder as a way of solidarity.

“I’ve— There’s this girl I really like. She’s the reason I wake up in the mornings.” Finally getting the courage to speak those words aloud lifted a massive weight off of Taehyung’s shoulders and he felt instantly more relaxed. But the fact you were leaning onto him now, made blush creep up his cheeks. Since he was, in fact, talking about you. His best friend.

@astraeus thank you for bearing with all my super weird questions. i had so much fun writing this and i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did.

[ikkydikky]

Here it comes! Time for an end of the year “Here’s what I drew this year” list. Mainly just to archive my art now for future’s sake and tell myself my thought process and how I felt about it now.

I’m skipping over sketches and going straight to stuff that was finished and polished and I’ll explain each image as we go. Buckle up boys its going to be a long one. 

We’re going to go to the first image I did this year and explain how things went from there!

Drawing #1, Scrubbed off Katia Managan 

March 3rd 2017

Art is actually kind of hard when you don’t know what form, line consistency, anatomy, or any of those things are! In fact I only know about two of them right now! And how to put into practice one of them! This image shows what its really like to start out with base-nothing. The idea is cute! And I’ll probably redo it later on when I am probably a years worth better. It marks however the first thing I really posted online. To me, that makes it special.

Drawing #2, Sigrid, but smug.

September 9th, 2017

BIG gap between the two! And not a lot of improvement, or maybe a lot of improvement? Who knows. I think this image was the first thing I did digitally that I put up for other people to see, and it was exciting! There’s absolutely no construction to this. Prior to this image being done I was basically drawing people’s heads and circles. Like, pages upon pages of circle grinding to actually know how to draw a circle digitally.

The main reason why there was such a gap between March and September was due to me graduating high school. I basically didn’t feel like drawing at all when I already had the work load of school ontop of me. But the art starts coming a lot faster now. Yes you can see there was a huge prequel influence. 

Drawing #3, Blushin Bob

September 29th, 2017

Art is something that you can really do a lot of, but you can easily get burnt out on. Animal crossing is actually one of my favorite games out there, and to try to pay tribute I drew this. Not uh, not exactly my favorite. 

This image has me trying basically 3 new things I’ve never done before. Shading, clothes, fur tufts, and bodies. Yeah. Not exactly my best job at any of those. The shadows are, very inconsistent and its clear I didn’t really know how to do it properly. The fur is atrocious with it looking like spiked tumors, and the shirt rides up way too high like hes wearing a shirt thats way too short! Also he might be a bit too skinny. 

This is kind of an image that broke me. At the time I was trying to fix every error when I just couldn’t, from the arm in the first attempt being god awful, to how the shading and shirt looks. I genuinely think this is the worst image in my library, and I knew it at the time since I drew nothing for all of October. You know. The month that’s meant to be the most inspiring artistically?

Drawing #4, Gondola The Peaceful Giant

November 12th, 2017

This was actually just a shitty paint up I did of a sketch practicing perspective. It was mainly for a draw thread on 8chan’s /v/ and probably my only work I’ve posted to an image board. I think generally doing art for anonymous people is a bit thankless. Its great for practicing but it really gives back no validation.

Keep in your memory these clouds, I’ll be talking about those later. 

Drawing #5, Bunny, The space mechanic.

November 12th, 2017

This character was a mistake, not the drawing but the character! This is my first actual tabletop character and boy I flubbed it. But this is art retrospective. Not roleplay retrospective. Anyway. A portrait done with a new pen style that I don’t think worked out too well. It comes off a bit too rough and gritty. But it makes for unique coloring when it comes to painting. I’ll actually have some more to say about that in a bit too! This also marks the point where I really got into drawing again. See. The table top group I’m in rewards you for drawing pictures of your characters, no matter how shitty it is, as long as you do your best, you get a reward in game. Its actually a really, really neat system!

Drawing #6, Oh dear god why.

November 16th, 2017

This is going to be a reoccurring character, so. Lets get to talking about it here. This character was as far as I know, a joke character made by a friend that got turned into a full blown character for a campaign, she is nonsensical, random, actually crazy, and worst of all, vibrantly colored. She is the Deviant Art Sparkledog as a character. Which funny enough, is her character name. This was my first attempt at really going ‘sexy’ and ‘nude’. And actually I think Sparkledog is a perfect candidate for it because its already cringy and god awful to look at! So it hides my bad attempts at a sexy lady behind an already cringy character. Thanks friend.

Anyway to talk about the art its self. It was done with no ref or pose. And I think it kind of shows. Everything’s proportionate to a degree but something about the perspective of the whole thing feels... off. Of course the background is just slapped together with glue but I mean on the character. She’s laying on the ground but not in a way that I think is possible or comfortable.

This also goes as my second attempt at fur, it’s, better. But definitely not good. Ontop of that this is probably my first attempt at an actual muzzle! Pic below related.

Muzzles are really hard to do. For some reason. If you ever read Loomis’ Fun with a Pencil it becomes slightly easier, but it also kind of isn’t. A month later and I still struggle with them, A lot of my joke sketches I often forgo any sort of attempt at drawing a muzzle and go for round head shapes, this works out if the character’s species is a prey type, as the eyes for herbivores are often on the side of the head, while for predators, its facing dead ahead. On another note, apparently I can just *do legs* with almost ease. I’ll touch on this more in a bit.

Drawing #7, A background for the end.

December 2nd, 2017

Tabletop is a wonderful thing, art groups are also an amazing experience to ever be apart of. The group I’ve been with has been an amazing experience for me artistically as I’ve learned to grow so much more. This is an image I did as soon as I woke up on my birthday. Friend A. did the character sketch. Friend b. did the coloring of the characters, and I got to practice something that I’ve wanted to do for ages.

Environmental art.

Ontop of character art and such, one thing that always draws my attention is environment art. Its something you can always get lost in. Your eyes can search to every corner imagining what it would be like to be there. Genuinely amazing works of art is often environment art. 

Its also time we talk about the clouds. I hope you remembered them from the gondola picture. See. Clouds are all about layers, and layers, and layers. Especially when done in a thunder storm. They’re something I might recommend painting if you ever want to start out! I do however think the clouds in the gondola image work a lot better. But I think that might be from the several things I did to trick myself to think they look better.

 And that’s all there really is to say on this image. Which is a problem. I learned a bit more about perspective and how floors work when under character’s feet... and how to do lightning kind of. But there isn’t much else. If I were to do this more I’d probably add another cliff to the background. A mountain, a landscape just beyond the fog, because it seems unfinished as it stands. 

Drawing #8, Oh dear god why, Revengeance.

December 5th? 2017

Probably the only unfinished image that gets posted! So lets talk about it. I think fur is my least favorite detail to make ever.Yet it also is my favorite when its done. The tail also might not be the best but its league’s better than my first attempt! But lets talk about the main thing about this image.

PAWS.

I don’t have a thing for paws, or feet, that’s not my kink. I think footjobs are sort of appealing sure but I don’t care much for it. so this was my first attempt at paws, and I think I did damn well. However, digitigrade legs are something I still have an issue with, and I am working towards fixing that. I don’t think furry characters look great when their legs are humans, but with paws. As well I think legs are the easiest part of the body to draw in some ways, that might just be me.

The face also is a bit of a mistake? Its better than its.. original incarnation...

[NOT EVEN THE DEAD KNOW PEACE FROM THIS EVIL]

Animal faces with human features is the proper way to do things, but human faces with animal features is... Hell incarnate.

Also that ass took me like 30 tries to get right god damn. 

Drawing #9, The last hoot for today.

December 18th, 2017

The last one for today. Some point after Christmas I’ll post probably another three drawings. But this is the final one. Lets talk about a few things about myself.

Art style is all about inspiration. You pick up inspiration from everywhere. Specifically from art styles you really, genuinely enjoy. You might have noticed the art style at first was I Wanna Be The Kazerad and then to something completely different from Kazerad but not distinct from anyone else. This is the process I think to finding your own art style. Emulation.

You might also noticed I ditched aliased (pixely) lines in favor of smooth lines, this was because I was having a tiny issue with drawing at large scale. For some reason I always liked zooming in real close on my 2000x2000 canvas and drawing tiny little things. The bunny picture is a really good example of this. He only took up the tiny corner of my much, much larger canvas. Speaking of his part of this post, lets get into color.

There’s been 3 ways I colored things, the first was plain flats, second was with a sort of homemade crayon brush (Ala Bunny and Gondola), and third was a unique way in how I did the eyes of this image. Looking at them closer you can see theres, actually a lot of rich detail in them!

This was a pretty easy thing to do and it has such amazing results that, I want to do a full image using it just to try it. For how I did it, I use krita, and how it handles gigantic brushes is like most art programs, by automatically raising the spacing between each ‘use’ (for a lack of a better term.)

Here’s what the blue part looks like with a white background behind it and the layer count to make this beside it. (Only one of them visible.)

It also kind of hits close to to another artist I’ve been following pretty closely as of lately. (And more recently on tumblr.)

You might not have heard of @jamdrawers , and you should definitely check them out if you haven’t. They are someone who, in my eyes, has such a wonderful art style. Other artists that do a style with pixelly, aliased lines don’t even come close in my opinion. I bring jam up here because of a few things, the art style he presents has thoroughly inspired me to pick back up trying to draw in aliased lines again, and because going forward I’ll continue looking to him for inspiration. Also if you read this jam tell winrarphile I said thanks for getting me into your art. 

Now, when it comes to the owl its self. I regret not adding a thicker outline to all of her character, and instead kept it to just the head shape, as well I do think she comes out a bit bland. Of course color wise its to keep in theme with the rest of the table top groups color theme. But outline wise? Definitely needs work. I tried a ‘hair style’ for her but that didn’t really work out either. So I kept it to the three feathers at the top of the head. I also think I spent more time on this image than I did any other, to quote myself “I’ll finish this owl up in about an hour or two”, which quickly lead to 8 days instead, just through procrastination.

Don’t do something in art if you really don’t want to do it. You can easily, easily get fatigued and burnt out with out delay, but among this procrastination came other sketches that, I don’t think I’ll post here, but helped me learn hands somewhat. So there is that.

Thus ends this posts governing topic. If you read this whole thing, good job. If you didn’t and skimmed to the end. That’s fine too! I understand I got a bit wordy but, I genuinely wanted to lay out my thoughts about all this.

In conclusion, I think the rate at which I’m getting better is decent, Mistakes are being ironed out each new drawing I take on. Each study and figure drawing adds onto the many experiences I’ll use for later in my artistic career, and I think the rate at which I’m drawing is far too slow for my own tastes, as such its a goal for the upcoming year to get a lot faster with finishing each drawing so I can quickly move onto the next. Thank you for reading this.

Have a noid chewin’ some pizza as a reward for coming down to the end.

[mytherapistthinksimfunny]

The Endless Thirst of Grace Michaud

It’s almost 11 pm, and in the four hours that I have been home from work, I’ve been reading articles about Adam Driver. Alone in my apartment, I snort to myself as I read The Cut’s “I Want to Be Adam Driver’s Baby”  and “21 Things I Would Like to Do With Adam Driver” which I relate to a little too well. I, too, want to “peruse real-estate listings” with Adam Driver. 

In my nearly 26 years of living, Adam Driver is this month’s Grace Michaud’s “It Boy.” Last month it was Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Next month? Who knows, but Henry Cavill is looking mighty fine in The Witcher. 

For anyone who has ever known me, this causes little concern. To everyone joining the Grace Michaud journey: welcome. You are about to experience an everyday occurrence.

New friends, or people who only interact with me via social media: I suffer from being infinitely thirsty. My thirst can never be quenched. Usually the thirst comes at a normal level, like any thirst, and starts out as a simple tickle in the throat. If offered a drink I wouldn’t say no. But I don’t actively do anything about it. I could go for a drink, but I’m not about to get up and get one. Then the thought becomes nagging, that maybe I really should get up and get a drink right now. I’ll crave water, a simple free drink that comes from the tap. Soon my thirst becomes more distinct. I’m craving an Arnold Palmer and I need that Arnold Palmer now. I drink and drink and still I’m thirsty, drinking like I’m in the desert, about to die unless I drink the world’s entire water supply right now. 

I am, of course, not talking about liquids. I’m talking about men.

An attractive male on a film or show catches my eye, and I make note. Soon I’m watching every movie they’ve ever made until I’m in a downward spiral of interviews in the trenches of YouTube and Google. 

I’ve been attracted to the male species since before I could form a concrete memory. The evidence is in a video of my dad teasing me at three about a crush I have on a boy named Ricardo. Wracking my memory, the name sounds familiar, and I’m aware I had crushes when I was in preschool.

How in the world did my tiny brain comprehend the very idea of crushes? That one could feel something more than just friendship with someone? That I, a mere three-year-old just learning how to not urinate my pants, was able to identify that? I’ve dated 30-year-old men who are nowhere near that level of emotionally intelligent. 

Who were you, Ricardo? Why was I fascinated with you? Was I attracted to you? Do three-year- olds recognize attraction? Where are you now Ricardo? Have you met your metaphorical Lucy?

So we begin, reader, towards an agonizing life of never-ending attraction to men. Now, I am absolutely not going to go into my dating life. That is just one long humiliating and questionable series of life decisions that even I don’t want to get into. Let’s just say, at 11, there was an entire diary entry of pictures from my yearbook of a kid named Kyle who once took a pinecone out of my hair. I shudder at the thought. And don’t get me started about junior year of high school.                                                                      

I mention Ricardo to show you that my thirst for men was always there, whether I knew it or not. To me, it seems, it was just a normal feeling that was a part of me. Nothing unusual. My karate teacher was a hottie and probably why I loved going to karate. I loved men so much that I wanted to be them. I dressed in boy’s clothes, even boy’s underwear, and occasionally asked my parents to call me Michael. Now, you’re probably thinking: “Wow there is a lot to unpack here.” But this was 1997 and my parents just went along with it, not really caring as long as I went to bed when they told me to. While others may think something entirely different, I just chalk this up to being that boy crazy. I didn’t start wearing dresses until I hit puberty….but I’m already getting off topic and I don’t want this to turn into an episode of Big Mouth. Let’s try and remain focused here: I’m an obsessive person.

This is my Kindle library as of March 20, 2020:

There is a home movie of my two-year-old self pointing to my Tweedy Bird hat excitedly. “I have Tweedy Bird on my hat!” I repeat over and over with a lisp, clearly very excited I had something I loved on an item of clothing. Even then, when I loved something, I was all in. 

Combine my obsessive personality with my attraction to the male species? We descend into madness, my friends. From cartoon characters, to television shows, to actors, to rock stars, to actors again. I obsess most over men I don’t personally know. Think 25 years of pictures covering walls. Merchandise. Staying up till 3 am diving into the corners of the internet for every last drop of information I could get. 

And it all started with Bugs Bunny.

Bugs Bunny was my first foray into fangirl territory. It was that episode when Bugs Bunny dressed as a Viking woman that drew me into the Bugs Bunny portal of obsession. I wasn’t attracted to Bugs Bunny in drag, necessarily; I was more fascinated by the idea of Elmer Fudd falling in love with Bugs Bunny. That Bugs was a character that could be loved romantically. I know this sounds really bizarre and heavy, but I fully believe that I was fascinated by romantic love that early in my life. 

Soon I didn’t stop talking about Bugs Bunny. I had an entire Bugs Bunny tracksuit, slippers, and a doll. There’s a picture of me in my entire ensemble while holding the doll, ecstatic. For my fourth birthday my mom made me a homemade Bugs Bunny Halloween costume. Bugs Bunny was even my imaginary friend for a bit there. I must have worn out the Space Jam VHS tape.

Note the Bugs Bunny watch. 

That’s childhood obsession for you. When I loved Pokemon all I would do was talk about it and dream about it. 

Then it was Digimon. In twenty six years, it hasn’t stopped. Up until December of 2019, it’s been one TV show after the other, examples being Avatar the Last Airbender, Total Drama Island, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Mr. Robot, Fleabag, Frasier, and most recently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Harry Potter has always been a love for me, and I’ve been obsessed with two different book series: the comic books The Umbrella Academy (the show is a DISASTER compared to how good the comics are), and The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (a book series about a vampire; as a bonus, see how many vampires you can count). A common theme for all of these things was the fact that I was attracted to a singular male character and their relationship to others.

In preparing to write this I wrote about 6 pages worth of notes, all ranging in obsession. To completely write about every single one would take a novel with each of my multiple obsessions being individual chapters. For example, during the Total Drama Island years I was constantly up till 3 am on the weekends making YouTube videos for the show. If you can find them...I’d be impressed. (But actually, please don’t.) I’ll try to provide a list and a little comment, as I split my obsessions into various categories. 

At 11, I discovered the Sprouse twins and my object of desire went from cartoon characters to actors. I was known as “the Sprouse twins” girl, specifically Cole, during sixth grade. This was the first time I covered my room and locker in posters. 

A year later, we jumped dramatically and came to my obsessive emo phase. While I listened to a lot of bands, my attention was turned mostly to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. (The latter I would later meet after MCR broke up when I was about 20 years old after his solo show,  and it was just as awkward as I could imagine). That’s when my room was completely covered in Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance posters. I wore a lot of black and those years were honestly my cringiest moments. Hey, we were all 13. 

I started to shift more from short, skinny, guyliner-wearing men and noticing tall, muscular, and handsome ones. I can pinpoint when I started to first feel sexually attracted to a man (at an appropriate age! I was going through puberty!) when I saw the trailer for Fantastic Four, and Chris Evans came out shirtless in a towel. Oh GOD what an ICONIC moment. Goodbye Sprouse Twins, hello six packs.

The summer going into high school, I saw The Dark Knight 3 times because of Christian Bale as Batman. He walked in wearing that tight black shirt and my expectations for men from there on out would never match up to Batman. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast seemed hotter now (you all know what scene I’m talking about), That attraction became the strangest when I remarked to my friend that Ultron was pretty hot for a robot. 

Maybe that’s why I love Kylo Ren so much. He’s the combination of two of my great loves: a buff emo. 

The high school years followed a somewhat similar pattern, but mostly actors more so than musicians. To be fair, in high school Fall Out Boy broke up and didn’t get back together till I was in college, and My Chemical Romance only released one album in my four years. So during high school and college there weren't really any “emo” guys or musicians to lust over. 

Now in 2020 I live in Brooklyn where every man and their mother is a “musician” so the whole idea turns me off. It was fun while it lasted though, and I’ll always be an emo kid at heart. I’ve seen Fall Out Boy 7 times in the last 10 years, and I paid an insane amount of money for My Chemical Romance reunion tour tickets. 

High school was a time where everyone was entering a more mature phase of their puberty journey, and for me, that was lusting after men over the age of 30. I had a hella crush on Zachary Quinto (who I saw walk past me once in the Village and I almost pooped my pants) even though I knew he was gay. I went through a Freddie Mercury phase for a bit too, I mean, come on, that chest hair.

I had a few months lusting after Colin Farrell after seeing him in Fright Night (which I recently found out was written by my favorite Buffy writer! seventeen-year-old me foreshadowing the present). In The Phantom of the Opera I sided with the Phantom the entire time, wishing that I could be seduced through opera in a hidden Parisian cave. My mom introduced me to Ryan Gosling who became my dream man. While reading Great Gatsby I had a huge crush on Seth Meyers who I would imagine Nick Carraway as. He does sort of look like Toby McGuire? He was the first of many goofy men that would lead to John Mulaney, Rob Delaney, Nathan Fielder, Ben Wyatt, and Niles Crane. Chris Pratt still fits into that category, though he’s the perfect combination of goofy and buff. When The Avengers came out my senior year of high school, I saw it 4 times in the theater. 

The British invasion didn’t happen until my senior year and defined my college years, with posters of Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender, Eddie Redmayne, and James Norton. My feet ache thinking about the times I waited in line at a movie premiere or a film set to get a glimpse of any of these gents. When I saw Benedict Cumberbatch on set in Boston my knees gave out. Domhnall Gleeson is also in that group of fine British men despite being Irish. It’s why I always have a moral dilemma whenever General Hux comes on screen in Star Wars. Twice I had a hardcore crush on Seth MacFarlane, going to the Ted 2 set living in Boston, waving to him as he got into his car. I would meet him again 3 years later when I worked on Harry, looking like a total disaster. But he said “hi” to me which sent me to cloud 9. I once waited in a lobby of a show to meet Lee Pace even though I didn’t see the show. 

All of these men at one point adorned my room, desktop background, dorm room (which was covered in posters, no wonder I rarely ever had a boy in there), and phone background. Today my phone background is the throne room scene of Rey and Kylo in The Last Jedi. Why do you think I had Tweedy Bird on my hat? I need my obsession with me at all times and I want the world to see. 

(Thank God tattoos are expensive and I was too young to get them during my hardcore obsessions. Imagine if I had a giant Total Drama Island tattoo on my back? I shudder.) 

While a lot of the attraction for these men was based on personality, looks, and accents, I also have a tendency to become enamoured with villains and dark characters. In 1999 I was in the movie theater seeing The Phantom Menace. Up until that point, there were virtually no children featured in Star Wars films, so when a young Anakin Skywalker graced the screen, my five-year-old heart would not stop beating. I loved him so much, I carried a Pepsi bottle with his image on it everywhere I went. I slept with it. My comfort blanket was a Pepsi bottle with a picture of a nine-year-old boy. 

I had the famous Phantom Menace poster with young Anakin Skywalker with the shadow of Darth Vader behind him. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in the theater, “That’s Darth Vader as a little boy.” When I saw Return of the Jedi my favorite scene was when Luke took off Vader’s mask, because you got to see Vader’s real face for the first time. That Vader actually was a human and not a monster fascinated me to the point of obsession which, as you probably have figured out, still carries over to the sequel trilogy. 

Bugs Bunny established my fanaticism, but Anakin Skywalker determined my type: men presented as villains but actually are redeemed over time. Through the years I think I’ve enjoyed getting to figure out someone. Their character is presented as one dimensional, and then even the tiniest thing that strays from that is seen as fascinating. There’s a great quote from an Adam Driver profile in the New York Times that I think encapsulates it: 

“A manner so resolute that when some emotion does manage to escape - whether through a glint in his eyes or the unpredictable undulations of his voice - that transgression can’t help but take you by surprise.” 

Now my therapist says that probably comes with my need to help and fix the real boys in my life. We both joked that our favorite character in A Haunting of Hill House was the drug-addicted little brother. 

I think it is totally unfair, because I know that I can’t personally help them... though ok, she may be a little right.

While I enjoy “complicated” from afar, it does subconsciously fulfill the need for what I can’t do in reality, which is being someone’s reason to change. Mostly through love. Turns out, in real life, it is far less romantic to be dating someone with a lot of emotional issues! Who knew! 

You decide for yourself. Here are all the fictional characters I’ve obsessed over who fit this category: 

-Kylo Ren (I mean, duh)

-Prince Zuko (the original Kylo Ren)

-The Phantom of the Opera (Thank you, Leslie Knope)

-Damon from Vampire Diaries

-Hot Priest from Fleabag (ok not a villain but he’s supposed to be a holy man and you think aw he’s never gonna...AND THEN HE DOES!) 

-Mr. Darcy (again not a villain but he was to Elizabeth at first!!!!)

-Duncan from Total Drama Island

-Draco Malfoy (that bleached blonde hair attraction still hasn’t gone away, oops)

-Spock in JJ Abrams’s last good movie Star Trek

-Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (oh if my heart could beat it would break my chest, how many times have I cried over that sweet platinum blonde baby?) 

Look, I know this is all fictional and in no way real. None of these men exist and are all a fantasy. Hey, I watch You and am extremely creeped out by Joe! I don’t root for him! I also hope I don’t stay this way forever. I really don’t want to be a Twilight mom. I’ve calmed down in my old age, ok? I don’t wait in the cold for hours at a stage door anymore, and I go on real dates now. I’ve even had a few boyfriends in my days who were nothing like the men I lusted after nor did I even compare. 

I completely agree that all these men would be horrible to date! Draco Malfoy was totally a bigot and bully. Kylo Ren killed his dad, and I have a good relationship with my dad, so I can’t really relate. And yes, Spike before he got his soul is nothing to wish for in a boyfriend, even if it was fun to watch him. Kylo Ren and Spike have killed multiple people. I’m not down to date a murderer. 

One day I’ll be able to consume something I enjoy and move on after a week. Growing up, mundane suburban life was a little more interesting when you get lost in a fantasy for a while. To be focused on something other than school, work, or even your own anxieties. If anything, I think my obsessive personality towards men in particular just pushes me to look for more and to yearn for more instead of being depressed that I don’t get to live it. I don’t just settle for the first boy to like me back. I strive to one day not to marry a celebrity, a comedian, or an anthropomorphic cartoon character, but someone who makes me feel like I’m the heroine of my own show. 

For now, I’ll just wait for the Phantom to spring me into his underground lair. 

Taken 2 minutes before I published this. 

[megsblackfirewrites]

My Golden Obsession: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“You look delicious,” Gabriel smiled as Jack fit his utility belt around his hips.

“I’m in uniform, Gabe,” Jack smirked before he patted his sidearm. “And armed.”

“Who says I’m not into gunplay?” Gabriel grinned devilishly.

Jack rolled his eyes before he walked over and gave Gabriel a kiss. “Lock the door behind you, please,” he said as he grabbed his keys off of the counter. “Should be home around four. Try not to miss me too much, okay?”

Gabriel touched his chest and pouted. “Oh, how could I do anything but miss you, mi amor?” he asked.

“Could go to work,” Jack laughed. “Don’t they miss you?”

“They do,” Gabriel chuckled as he trailed a hand down Jack’s face. “I suppose I should see if I can finish that commission. I could make that niece of yours something nice for her birthday.”

“Hana would love that,” Jack laughed. “Something to do with bunnies, if you can manage.”

“Next to teddy bears, bunnies are the most popular,” Gabriel smiled before kissing Jack. “You have a good day, mi luna.”

Jack gave his boyfriend one more kiss, savouring the taste of his mouth, before he left out the front door.

                                                        ***

Jack did his best not to groan as he spotted Dolly walking down the sidewalk towards him. He locked the door to his cruiser, telling himself that he wasn’t going to kill her no matter how annoying she was. Backing the cruiser over her would not solve anything, nor would driving back and forth over her corpse. He took a deep breath and turned around to confront the woman.

“Hello, Dolly,” he greeted as she stopped at the end of his driveway.

“Well, don’t you look good in blue,” she licked her lips.

Jack forced a smile to his face. Everyone said that to him today and he wanted to scream. Did anyone see anything other than a fucktoy when they saw him? Was anyone ever going to see him as a person and not someone’s walking wet dream? Because he was getting sick of this.

“It looks good on anyone,” he said before he turned towards his house. “Excuse me; I want to get changed.”

“I could help with that,” she offered.

“I’m not interested,” he snapped. “Please, I’ve had a long day. I do not wish to banter.”

“Oh, come on, Jack,” Dolly started to say before Gabriel’s car pulled into his driveway.

“You aren’t bothering him, are you, Dolly?” Gabriel called as he stepped out of his car.

“Oh, perish the thought,” Dolly laughed.

Jack used the distraction to retreat into his house. He texted Gabriel and asked for an hour to himself to unwind. Gabriel promised him that he would get the hour and the rest of the night if he wanted it. There was leftover soup in the fridge if he wanted it. Jack smiled and told Gabriel that he’d keep him updated on what he was willing to deal with after he’d gotten changed and taken a shower.

Jack shook his head as he stood under the hot spray of the shower. He blew water out of his mouth, enjoying the gentle caress of the spray against his chest and shoulders. It felt good to be clean; he hadn’t done much other than run the roads, but he still wasn’t used to the L.A heat and had sweated like a pig. The layer of salt on his flesh was unpleasant and he wanted it off.

He scrubbed himself clean, whistling softly as he worked. He washed off, checked himself over one last time to make sure he hadn’t missed anything, and turned the shower off. He was feeling much better as he got changed into his off-work clothing, humming a little.

‘You can come over now,’ he texted to Gabriel.

‘Ten minutes,’ Gabriel texted back.

Almost exactly ten minutes later, Gabriel walked in with a plate of something that smelt delicious and like chocolate. Jack licked his lips as Gabriel set the plate on the table, revealing that the wonderful smell belonged to fresh chocolate chip cookies. Gabriel turned around and smirked at him, shrugging a shoulder.

“I had time to make you something nice,” he said before offering his arms. “Need a hug?”

“Yes,” Jack sighed as he stepped into the awaiting arms. “Dolly ruins whatever semblance of a good mood I have left.”

“She is being unusually annoying,” he agreed. “Are you alright?”

“I am now,” Jack sighed as he snuggled closer. “Mmm, you smell good.”

“Might have sprayed a little extra cologne on before coming over,” Gabriel chuckled and nuzzled his face into the side of Jack’s head. “I know how much you love it.”

“It suits you,” Jack smiled before he pulled away. “So, what’s on the menu tonight, my chef?”

“Cheese-stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon,” Gabriel smirked as he went to get the ingredients. “And a nice helping of fresh vegetables.”

“Sounds amazing,” Jack smiled as he sat down at the island to watch. “Jesse’s favourite?”

“Nah, couldn’t get the brat to eat it,” Gabriel laughed. “Said the texture was all wrong.”

“Think he’d eat it now?” Jack asked.

“Who knows,” Gabriel smiled as he started shredding cheese. “Kid might eat like a fucking king now.”

Jack laughed as he watched Gabriel work. His mouth was watering by the time the chicken was put into the oven and the vegetables were frying in the pan. Gabriel smirked before picking up a cookie and slowly feeding it to Jack, crooning softly in Spanish until Jack was squirming and blushing in his seat. Gabriel popped the last bite into his mouth and kissed Jack, running his chocolate-covered tongue across Jack’s.

Jack groaned at the taste and eagerly returned the kiss. He let Gabriel lift him up onto the island, those big hands settling on his hips. Jack tilted his head slowly to the side before he nervously licked his lips.

“Gabe, what do you see when you look at me?” he asked softly.

“Hmm?” Gabriel blinked at him. “What do you mean?”

“Do I…do I just look like a blond bimbo?” he looked down at his lap.

“What?” Gabriel demanded before he tipped Jack’s jaw up. “What do you mean?”

Jack swallowed and closed his eyes. “All my life, all anyone’s ever talked about was how handsome I was,” he whispered. “How beautiful my hair was or how pretty my eyes were. They told me that my looks would get me places. I was treated like a toy, a pretty thing to put on a shelf, rather than a person. Everyone talked like that about me. They still do.” He let out a weak noise and opened his eyes as tears spilled down his cheeks. “What do you see?”

Gabriel’s eyebrows drew close together before he gently cupped Jack’s face. “You are beautiful,” he said. “But you are so much more than a pretty face, Jack. You’re smart and funny and so kind-hearted.” He kissed Jack gently and wiped away the tears. “I could listen to you talk for hours and never say a word. I look at you and see a wonderful life, perhaps not easy, but worthwhile and beautiful, just like you.”

Jack let out a soft sob and held his arms out. Gabriel hugged Jack close, kissing over his cheeks and soothing his tears away. They kissed wetly, Jack’s tears still falling even as he calmed down. Gabriel pulled away to check on their supper, letting Jack regain his composure. Jack swallowed and pushed himself off the island.

He walked around it, pausing to watch Gabriel for a moment. What did he see when he looked at Gabriel? He was so worried about being seen as a person, but did he do the same to Gabriel? He took in the handsome man with his strong, muscular figure and smiled. No, he knew Gabriel was more than just an amazingly handsome man; he was smart, devoted, loving, and so witty that it hurt sometimes. This was a man that had suffered as much as others, but came out stronger for it.

He stepped forward as Gabriel closed the oven door and gently kissed over Gabriel’s shoulders. Gabriel exhaled softly and reached back to cup his cheek. His dark brown eyes were soft and loving, no trace of judgement in them.

“Thank you,” Jack murmured. “Thank you so much, Gabriel.”

“Anything for you, Jack,” Gabriel soothed as he turned around to kiss Jack again.

Gabriel flexed his hand carefully. It had been years since he had done this. Could he still pull it off without being caught? If not, it was going to be a very short return of The Reaper and a very long stint behind bars for Gabriel Reyes.

He tapped a finger against the wall of the building he was leaning on, watching the parking lot carefully. He had already scoped out Dolly’s car and determined the quickest way to it. With so few people in the parking lot, they wouldn’t be disturbed. He knew the cameras were lousy and so long as he kept his head down, they wouldn’t notice him.

He spotted Dolly striding across the parking lot in her ludicrously high heels. She swayed a little, drunk and helpless. Worse than normal, anyways. He started walking slowly towards her, timing his steps perfectly with the motion of the cameras.

“Heya,” Dolly greeted dumbly when she spotted him. “What’s a guy like you doin’ out here at this time of night?”

Dumb as ever; she hadn’t changed since she had chased relentlessly after Jesse even though she was almost ten years his senior. She was lucky Jesse decided to chase after his dragon before she had stepped out of line. Perhaps he should have killed her back then and saved Jack the misfortune of catching her eye. Might have saved a lot of men some headaches.

Gabriel smiled and continued forward. Recognition dawned in her eyes and she smiled sweetly. She opened her mouth, stepping forward, and Gabriel stepped willingly into the kiss. He pulled her close, caressing her spine so that she moaned into his mouth. It would mask how hard he punched her in the stomach. He moved aside, holding her hair back as if she were puking as she doubled over.

He helped her into the backseat of her car, taking her keys from her. He patted her cheek, smiling sweetly at her.

“Let me drive you home,” he soothed. “You’re so drunk, chica. You’re throwing up.”

Dolly let out a whimper of pain and held her stomach. “Gabe, it hurts,��� she whined.

“Ssh, it’s okay,” he soothed as he closed the door and climbed into the driver’s seat.

He drove out of the parking lot, waiting until he was out of the range of the cameras before he slammed on the brakes. Dolly slammed into the back of his seat, shrieking in surprise and pain. She tried to get up, but Gabriel started going again. A few streets later, he slammed the brakes on again. He smirked as her face bounced off the dash, smearing blood across the knobs for her radio. He reached down and pushed her back into the back seat.

She slumped against the floor, completely knocked out as blood dribbled out of her nose. He drove through the city, whistling softly as he headed for the outskirts. He’d already been to his old workshop to see if it was still operational and he was delighted to see that four years of disuse hadn’t dulled any of his equipment past the point of recovery. He pulled up behind the house and hauled her down into the basement. He dropped her onto the old armchair and strapped her into place.

He wiped the blood away from her nose so she didn’t inhale it and smiled. He patted her cheek before going to dump the car a few streets over. He’d walk home, as always, and return in a few nights for her. She could scream all she wanted; the walls were soundproofed so well that an explosion could go off down there and no one would ever know.

The Reaper was thorough. No one would even find the body until he was ready to dump her. The police were going to lose their minds and while he felt bad that Jack would have to deal with this, he knew it was necessary. People like Dolly were a waste of flesh and it was his duty to rid the world of them.

[clockworkcreatures]

This is for Brittney.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? -I do all the time. Probably 3 times a week. Like am I just making this all up. Am I real? Are you? 2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? -Like 2. I'm not really afraid I'm just afraid of being attacked and tends to happen in the dark 3. The person you would never want to meet? -Probably Donald. 4. What is your favorite word? -Facetious, I learned it in 8th grade and I loved it. It took my forever to say it correctly. 5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? -Pine. They smell nice and are pokey 6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? -That I have a giant pimple in the middle of my forehead and it's sucks 7. What shirt are you wearing? -my kymastrie shirt. 8. What do you label yourself as? -Like sexually? Bisexual ethically? Black; African American 9. Bright room or dark room? -dark. I bought a black curtain so my room would stay dark all day. 10. What were you doing at midnight last night? -reading 11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? -17 12. Who told you they loved you last? -TJ 13. Your worst enemy? -Ralph 14. What is your current desktop picture? -it's just a black screen. I'm boring and never felt like changing it 15. Do you like someone? -TJ lol 16. The last song you listened to? -Bad and Boujee 17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? -Yes 18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? -Donald T. Sometimes Irving though and TJ 19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? -I'm personally pretty against slavery but I would just get TJ. He would just hang out 20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) -My hair 21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? -I think I would be attractive. I hope I have a beard. I would definitely want to walk around shirtless outside. Maybe try masturbating. 22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? -I'm unfortunately talentless. I can do accounting pretty quickly without mistakes 23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? -Butterflies 24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. -Wheat bread pepper jack and cheddar cheese. Salami and bacon. Honey mustard. Olives pickles lettuce and onions. 25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? -I would just put it in my savings account. That's really not a lot. I'm an adult :( 26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? -I'm sad that I have to go by myself but as long as I get to come back I might go to a South American country. Maybe Brazil. They have the most black people outside of Africa. People really forget that. 27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? -Rum. I think it taste alright also I can make the cake, and get drunk 28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? -If you break my rules I have the right to set you to sea on a boat that's on fire. 29. What is your favorite expletive? -Fun fact I had to just look up the word expletive. But my favorite swear word is asshat. It's how I use to describe Irving. But because of who my boyfriend and my other best friend (Kathy) I don't cuss that often. 30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? -I have a box of letters I have written and that people have given me I would save that. 31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? -I haven't had too many bad experiences. And I think the ones I have had are important to who I am. I wouldn't erase them 32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! -Brazil 33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? -I haven't lost anyone close to me yet so I'm going to save this gift until someone I love and need in my life does die 34. What was your last dream about? -No idea. I usually write them down but I forgot. 35. Are you a good….at ice skating? -I wouldn't say I'm good. I've only done it once. It was TJ and I first date I definitely did better than him. I never fell. 36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? -not that I can remember. 37. Have you ever built a snowman? - I built a snow Easter bunny one Easter but that's it. 38. What is the color of your socks? - I'm not wearing any but most of them are multi colored 39. What type of music do you like? -I mainly listen to R&B but I like 21p and similar bands whatever category they fall into. 40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? -sunsets 41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? -vanilla 42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) -the Steelers 43. Do you have any scars? - I have one that's shaped like an airplane from an iron falling on me. It's really faded now. It happened when I was like 5 44. What do you want to be when you graduate? -an accountant or doing some sort of accounting for individual people or businesses. I don't think I want to work in an accounting firm. 45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? -I'm not too fond of my nose but also my lack of motivation. 46. Are you reliable? -I would say so 47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? -"Are you happy?" 48. Do you hold grudges? -it just depends on what the other person and how much I care about them did but I definitely can. 49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? -a peacock and a raccoon. Those are my 2 favorite animals. I'm sure the combination would look scary as hell but that's fine. 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? -I've had too many to tell one exactly. I'm kind of weird. 51. Are you a good liar? -I am. I purposely do things when I tell lies that I want caught so people think those are my tales. 52. How long could you go without talking? - probably like a week 53. What has been you worst haircut/style? - probably right now. My hair is uneven because I just cut chunks out. 54. Have you ever baked your own cake? -as in birthday cake. No but I have bought my own pizza 55. Can you do any accents other than your own? -no. I suck 56. What do you like on your toast? -butter. I'm up to trying avocado though 57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? -probably cubes. I don't really draw. 58. What would be you dream car? - my exact same car except it won't be a stick shift. 59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. - I do sing in the shower. I usually just stand there also and like blank out 60. Do you believe in aliens? - I find it hard to know that the universe is as big as it is and that there aren't other live forms out there. Yes I believe 61. Do you often read your horoscope? -maybe twice a month. I'm obsessed with myself 62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? - F but like the cursive f 63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? -dragons 64. What do you think about babies? - right now I think they are very cute but I don't want them. They would ruin my life. They are monsters. I do like them though and they tend to like me. 65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.