#it’s still fade to black don’t get your hopes up lol its still plot without smut

[exileandtrust]

Handprints

Rating: Mature Warnings: graphic depictions of violence Relationships: Optimus prime/you Tags: soulmate au, reader fic, female reader, canon typical violence, canon divergent Summary: You gave up on finding your soulmate years ago. There was no reason to even try. So, he found you.

Read now on AO3

[kickingstonesandbones]

ADA: Songs the BSD characters remind me of (even though no one asked)

I’ve recently watched all 3 seasons of the Anime, the movie and the OVA and have started reading the Manga from the beginning. Right now I am only at chapter 40 because I started reading like 2 days ago, so idk stuff that would happen after the Anime storyline (if it goes that much further than season 3 ending, I wouldn’t know). I based this off on either specific lyrics that made me think it would fit the character or a certain vibe I was getting from a character. For some characters it was easier, for some not so much lol It is why some characters have multiple songs that make me think of them while others only have one (if they even do have one, that is – but the ADA does, except for Katai). So please do not rip into me because you think a song might not fit them as well as I do, because I just have not gotten to the latest chapter of the Manga yet, so there are some characters I do not know that well yet but I wanted to do this for fun. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this list~ Also, feel free to add to my list if you have songs that I haven’t mentioned but think would fit the characters, if you want to~

My taste in music is also pretty broad and not limited to certain languages or genres (though I do have my preferences), so I will provide translations of the lyrics in different languages from English. The German ones (like Kontra K, Elif, etc.) were translated by myself (on the spot), for other languages like Romanian or Korean, etc. I had to look up translations on the internet.

Disclaimer: For the songs for Dazai, one might want to consider a TW, for one of his songs has extremely open-no-room-for-speculation suicidal lyrics. If this affects you, please skip that one, I will put that song last on his list.

And, well, because this is 12 pages long in the document, I will be making a cut here…

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𝔸𝔻𝔸 𝕚𝕟 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝

💙 Wölfe (Wolves) by Kontra K 💙

It’s about so much more than just strength, it’s about solidarity and virtue / It runs so much deeper than your wounds could ever get / We’re walking through the fire together until the day we die […] /

And we are so infinitely far away from being perfect / But what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger / And hope dies last / It dies last /

A lot of the members have been through quite some shit, but they hold it together all the time and always pull through and manage to keep moving forward sooo (some random arsehole I talked to spoilered me about Yosano and Mori  -_-)

💙 Born For This by The Score 💙

A force that they can’t stop / They just don’t get it, I think they forget / I’m not done until I’m on top / I know I was born for this / I know I was born for this […] /

We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain / We come from different places but have the same name / ‘Cause we were born for this / We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame / Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame /

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ℕ𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

I can’t believe / That when I breathe / That there’s something good inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me / So close to me / That memory / Of that one good thing inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me /

If I went out the back door, nobody would stop me / But, where would I go? / ‘Cause I ain’t never had a real home / So, what do I know? / So, I could keep runnin’, hide until they find me / But, what would that do? /

That he really hates himself that much and how insecure he is in his right to be alive not just simply because he is a living being really hurts to see.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

Don’t know how to face it / Let’s go back to basics / Yes, say what you mean, do what you say, but man I hate this / I just don’t know what I’m chasing, don’t know what I’m chasing / Yes, somebody told me / Life is something you don’t wanna play with / But I just keep on playing like life is just a playground […] / I look at myself and I ask what the goal is / Yeah, tell me what your goal is / I’m just so lost in emotions, I don’t even notice / I just slip into a place and I don’t think straight / Devil in my ear tryna tell me everything’s great / And in a year realize I’m in the same place / Running in the same race, same pace […] /

Get that sickness out my mouth / I feel like my train is derailing / I can feel it / Yo these words are only words until they actions / Words until they actions, strive on empty satisfactions / Yeah, the fact is I don’t know, fact is I don’t know /

💙 월식  (My Tragedy) by Taeyeon 💙

At the end of an empty day / Everyone busily returns from somewhere / In the red night sky / I disappear into the darkness little by litte / These many sparkling lights / There isn’t a single light that’s mine / Under the cold shade by myself / Like it wasn’t there from the start /

💙 Oceans by Jacob Lee 💙

I learnt to let go when I was younger / Scared of growing old / I would swim far into the ocean / And try to stay afloat / Until my lungs would cough up water […] /

I don't want love no more / Though it's the one thing I've been searching for / Though it's the one thing that I miss the most / Now I'm afraid to be alone / I learnt to grow old when I was younger / Scared of staying young / Afraid of the thoughts that I had conjured / That sat atop my tongue / Knowing I'd change the worlds opinion / If they would just, listen up / But they won't, now /

I feel worthless / Maybe I should open the drawer / Burn the pages / Write poems with the ash on the floor / Pour the ink, into the sink / And watch it drain from the shore /

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𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 𝕆𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

I know Dazai has a looooot of songs, but tbh I could’ve added at least another 15 because. There. Were. Just.  S O .  M A N Y .  T H A T  F I T  H I M  S O  W E L L ‼‼ (Well, at least the ones I could think of off of the top of my head right away.)

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

Don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man / Little do they know, every song is a lifespan / Yeah, they’ve taken one, but I’m takin’ my last chance / To hold all we know and let go with both hands / Though, don’t you know that plots are made from concrete / Right through the stone, can you hear my heart beat? / Beats through my bone, like no memory left me / Not for a second or a minute when I dream […] / My heart beats heavy in an open chest / And, I wanna say goodbye, but there’s nobody left /

I broke it all, and I put to the test / Put your hands in mine, and feel this emptiness / There’s no beat in my chest / ‘Cause there’s nothin’ left / No, it ain’t goodbye, its a last caress  / What’s another dream? / You could hardly sleep /

Makes me think of Oda aka the bond they had aka the admiration Dazai had for him.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

I ain’t sleeping lately / I ain’t sleeping lately / Yes, I know that I’m the only person that can change me / Maybe, that’s why I ain’t changing / That’s why I ain’t changing / I got too much on my mind, I guess I don’t know how to face it /

He obviously has a lot of issues, and I bet he still doesn’t think of himself as a good person. It strikes me as if he’s thinking that Agency Dazai is not much different from Mafia Dazai. “Your hands are black. Mafia black,” as Higuchi said. I think he did not deny it when she said that, so he doesn’t disagree with her.

💙 Rain by Hollywood Undead 💙

I don’t mind, no I don’t mind, I don’t mind the rain / Simple things and subtleties, they always stay the same / I don’t mind, that I don’t mind, no I don’t mind the rain / Like a widow’s heart, we fall apart, but never fade away (fade away) /

Run like a child, do you know where I came from? / No, I don’t, but I’m singing all the same songs / I’m alone, and you’re looking for your anyone / Does it hurt just to know that it’s all gone? / I can feel the pain in the words that you say / Hidden in the letters that were written to no name […] / Buried in red, white, and a side of some blue / Some will die too late, and somebody too soon / If he could come back, we’ll see what it cost him / We had to lose it all, just to know that we lost one /

💙 Lass mich lieber allein (better just leave me alone) by Kontra K 💙

Man, don’t explain the world to me, it isn’t perfect / And just as imperfect are also you, her and me / All of that isn’t a problem to me / But tell me, since when does hatred laugh so audaciously into my face? / But it’s somehow alright for me […] / Man, I wish for a minuscule part of naivety back / But it seems it’s somehow too late for me / Somehow already too late for me […] /

Already been wandering for so long, you forget / Who is worthy of sacrificing yourself for and for whom you better not do it / You run along the street of success without any luck (on your side) / But she walks out of hell into heaven only once and then right back / If you end up where you started then where is the meaning? /

Because I also have my baggage to carry all on my own / Just like all of the fuckers that think I’m living in heaven all by myself / But the fire and the flames in which I’ve been standing in for so long already / Man, they refuse to see them / But it’s somehow alright for me /

You better just leave me alone / Because when they carry you on their hands, they will (eventually) let you drop / I’d rather fall alone/by myself / Rather alone/by myself /

💙 Lies by Will Jay 💙

I'd rather tell myself if I ignore / These thoughts they'll go away / And my toxic friends have changed / Truth is I hate confrontation / Deal with it tomorrow / 'Cause there's nothing I can do / That's my favourite excuse / Feeding my procrastination […] /

And I think I just realised I would do anything / To keep hiding the pain I've been burying / That's why I tell / Lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lies /

💙 Du willst es (You want it) by Kontra K 💙

Only the good ones die young, and not long after the best ones follow / No idea, ask death why he thinks that I am so damn bad / Still here, we’re almost not worthy of heaven / Working day for day, only the hatred kills the pain / Life will shoot you in the chest but only ever hit your heart / Thank God that place in my chest has been emptied a long time ago […] /

We asked God, “why” / But the devil said, “doesn’t matter” / We’re swimming in a pool full of misery / But bring us another glass of it /

💙 Wie gemacht dafür (like we were made for it) by Kontra K 💙

Pretty normal, normal / Because you can’t get me, get me further down (the hole/ditch) / Than I’ve already been, you get it? […] / I’m going one-on-one with my inner demons, and I’ve been doing that for the past 13 years / I’ve been there, no matter what happened / Ask your gangsters, they know my voice / Have respect, respect for the realness / But fucking piss me off, and I’ll be sending you to heaven […] /

What pressure are you talking about, I inhale this city deep into my lungs / Put it on the beat and I’ll be giving you a new reason for your hatred /

Like we were made for it, we’re running through hell barefooted / We’re living rent-free in their heads, with the real ones, with the real ones / Like we were made for it, always loyal to my people / Swapping none of my friends for money, for the real ones, for the real ones […] /

If you’re my enemy, I’ll give you lead (bullets) / If you’re my friend, I’ll give you love / Because a wolf stays fucking loyal only to his family /

💙 Lonely by Nathan Wagner 💙

Is everybody lonely? / Is everybody scared? / Is everybody worried / That no one really cares? / See I'm afraid to love, but afraid to be alone / Still I wonder why my heart is always broke / What a way to live, let the fear take all control / Oh, this ain't life, no / I'm not alive […] /

'Cause I'm afraid to show the people who I am / I'm not special, I'm just a simple broken man / So I will hide my face with my picture perfect mask / Oh, this ain't life, no / It's just a lie […] /

If I looked you in the eye / And showed the broken things inside / Would you run away? / Would you run away? / If you saw my darkest parts / The wicked things inside my heart / Would you run away? / Or are you the same? /

The following one makes me think of Mafia Dazai

💙 Body Count by Grey ft. Thutmose 💙

I got a hunger, I got a fever / And it just won't quit / I got a temper, I got a bullet / With your name on it / Everybody wonders what it's like on top / I don't gotta wonder 'cause I call the shots […] /

My blood runs cold and my feet run faster / I still got heart, I hear a heart don't matter / Say what you want and it'll be your last words / It ain't a secret, I got a hit list / And baby, you're up next /

Stack 'em up, stack 'em up / Teach 'em not to fuck with me / Bag 'em up, bag 'em up / Let 'em know who runs these streets / Take 'em down, take 'em down / Count 'em out like one, two, three / Add a-na-na-na-na-na-na-nother one  / To the body count /

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T r i g g e r   W a r n i n g  !

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💙 Bullet by Hollywood Undead 💙

Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again / It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends / I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends / One’s a bottle of pills, one’s a bottle of Gin / I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top / I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off / Asphalt to me has never looked so soft / I bet my momma found my letter, now she’s calling the cops / I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it / 'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance / Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent / 'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is / I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife / But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice / I never bought a suit before in my life / But when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice /

We hit the sky, there goes the light / No more sun, why's it always night / When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream / When you can't dream, well, what’s life mean? / We feel a little pity, but don't empathize / The old are getting older, watch a young man die […] /

When you were young, you never thought you'd die / Found that you could but too scared to try / You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye / Climb to the roof to see if you could fly /

So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow / Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow

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𝕐𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕠 𝔸𝕜𝕚𝕜𝕠

💙 Brunette Ambition by Qveen Herby 💙

'Cause it's been three weeks and four days / No days off, just runways / I’m fucked up, I'll throw shade / Outwork you on a bad day […] /

On a mission, got no competition / It's hard to sleep with brunette ambition / Revenge is sweet, pussy: my religion / They say slow down, but I never listen /

Old me forsaken, these rules are for breaking / I get lonely with no new friends / Associate, but they can't relate / When you want the world, they’re uncomfortable /

This one is 50% lyrics, 50% overall energy of the song. Yosano is a bad bitch, and I love her.

💙 STFD by TeZATalks 💙    [Flash Warning for epilepsy]

I'm not here to take no names or reservations / I'm the devil telling Satan I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down / Imma kill it let me live just how I'm livin' / Ghetto heart with good intentions / I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down /

I'm chasing freedom for the fearless / I gotta do it 'cause I can't chase fear myself / I'm 'bout as broken as I confess / But better than most that lay cower / Proud of who they crowd / You don't know me / Coming to take your crown / Bow down / You know that I can do better, better / I don't need you to come in and show me how / Settle down / Cause you know that I can do better, better /

This song is mostly just the vibe for me. Quite…. unapologetic. Like the badass bitch vibe Yosano gives off, despite (or probably especially because of) her past.

💙 Nur mir (only to myself) by Elif 💙

Can’t believe what’s happening to me / Your words have manipulated me / I shouldn’t lose the connection to myself / Because otherwise your words will always stay with me / At first, you were there for me / But then you wanted me as your property […] / This city is big enough for the two of us / I have to share it with 4 million others anyway / I get onto the same train, stand on the same platform / Oh, everything’s profit (to you), everything’s yours /

But I only belong to myself, only to myself / Belong to myself, only to myself / Not to her, not to him, not to you /

💙 Disease by Hollywood Undead 💙

Our words are broken but they’re spoken aloud / So come together, come together again / The time is now, let Armageddon begin / They say beginnings always start with the ends / I say forever and forever, Amen /

Forget what you are / Forget what you feel / We stand apart but fall together / Nothing ever lasts forever /

We’re born to live, we’re born to die / We’re forced to swallow these pills and to never ask why / What I’ve become, why can’t you see / That everybody, everybody, everybody’s got this disease? /

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𝔼𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕒𝕨𝕒 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕡𝕠

💙 The Wolf by SIAMÉS 💙

Each and every day / Hiding from the sunshine / Wandering in the shade / Not too old, not too young / Every night again / Dancing with the moonlight / Somewhere far away / I can hear your call […] / Ain’t no fairytale / What I see in your eyes / Awaiting your mistake / Not too close, not too far /

Honestly, finding a song for Ranpo somehow was harder than it should’ve been lmao Originally, this song is about addiction, but if you read them in the sense of it being about a criminal, whom Ranpo is about to catch, it makes more sense. I am sorry I can’t provide a better song for him right now djhfksjlhdfujhhgkfc

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𝕂𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕒 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕠

💙 Fuck You by Silent Child 💙

Am I wasting my breath on you / Feels like my words are never getting through, yeah / I never said I hate you to someone so much before / I'm light headed when we talk and then you shut the door, god damn / Like what are we still talking for, yeah /

I really hope you don’t see tomorrow  / I tried to play nice with you / 'Cause all you ever do is try to fuck up my day / And you were successful / (But I know the truth) / No you don't have anything better to do / Everything you ever loved has tried to escape you / So why would I want anything to do with you /

Fuck you /

Don’t lie, he would blast this at full volume when Dazai fucks up his schedule again HAHAHA (I love their dynamic)

💙 Waiting by Zhavia Ward 💙

The truth is you don't even / Know what the hell you believe / But you should believe / Lions don't lose sleep / Over the opinions of sheep /

So if you're waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' /

Empire State kinda view / And I'm up here with the crew / I got the feelin' that you wishin' / You could be up here too / Maybe I should feel bad for you / Be a little sentimental / But I don't, no I won't / Make excuses for you to hide behind /

This one makes me think of the time Fyodor tried to break him mentally by making that little girl sacrifice herself (Season 3), but he got back up pretty quickly again after having his ideals get shaken like that.

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𝔽𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕐𝕦𝕜𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚

💙 S.C.A.V.A. by Hollywood Undead 💙

Here's the massacre, a mausoleum fit for me / Lived a hundred years, a hundred years I didn't see / Gave all my hope away, isn't any left for me? / Bombs are splitting atoms, what can the future bring? / We can fill a million choirs and wait till children sing / We can walk a million miles and end up in the sea / And our lungs just keep filling and lying when we breathe / The world's filled with liars, liars like me / And I look at my child, it's finite, this feeling / Eyes blue like the sky, I see all of this meaning / I reach up to God and I ask if I'm dreaming […] /

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes / Everybody pays, no one knows the price / We know the price of sin, the sin of sacrifice / I know I'll sin again, but who can save me twice? / How much can we ask? You'll get the answer first / How much can we kneel with the air that chills the earth? / The air keeps getting colder, my knees keep hitting dirt / The innocent can cry without the guilty getting hurt / You ask who you love and you don't know, no, do you? / The spirit of God just passes right through you / You gave away heaven, handed right to you / And I can see it all, tell me, is it true? /

Fukuzawa is that anime character that’s visibly been through a lot of shit (and has done a lot of shit as well, even morally grey or black), which could be why he’s so stern and not a man of many words. Marked by life, if you will. He also gives off a very “wise man” kinda vibe right from the beginning, so I think that this song somewhat fits him because it is wondering about the state of the world and human nature.

💙 Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch 💙

This is your last warning / A courtesy call / I am not afraid / Of the storm that comes my way / When it hits it shakes me to the core / And makes me stronger than before / It’s not a question about trust / But will you stand with us? […] /

There’s a rumble in the floor / So get prepared for war / When it hits it’ll knock you to the ground / When it shakes up everything around / But survivial is a must / So will you stand with us? /  

This song just has that badass vibe. And no one can deny that Fukuzawa has a badass and intimidating vibe as well as he seems so stern and stoic most of the time.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝕁𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠𝕦

💙 Nesimtit by Mark Stam 💙

I don't have lots of cash / But enough for me to buy you an ice cream / For us to go on a walk / And for you to whisper to me in the waves of the ocean / I've taken some days from the border / And I put some behind the door, on ice / For cloudy weather / So that we can have them when the movie of life passes […] /

Let me be your lifeline / When your world is in the process of demolition / Let your dreams fly / I promise, we'll catch them somewhere around the sun /

Oddly enough, the Tanizaki siblings were just as hard for me as Ranpo… There aren’t really that many songs that would make me think of them. But this Romanian one made me (partly) think of him, I also think it’s cute and would probably fit him lol Especially the last four lines make me think of him and Naomi. After all, he’d even burn down the whole world if it was for her sake. All in all, this just sounds like him in the sense of a really supporting person/friend/brother.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 ℕ𝕒𝕠𝕞𝕚

💙 You Should See Me In A Crown by Billie Eilish 💙

You say, "Come over, baby / I think you're pretty" / I'm okay, I'm not your baby / If you think I'm pretty /

You should see me in a crown / I'm gonna run this nothing town / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by / You should see me in a crown / Your silence is my favorite sound / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by one /

Naomi isn’t giving me the same “badass bitch” vibe as Yosano does, but she does have that “badass princess” vibe. Is that making any kind of sense? Like, she does not have an ability, but she is neither dumb nor completely helpless in all situations. So, there is a slight badass vibe, but not the “I can and I. W i l l . Kick your stupid. Bitch. Ass.” – so a…. “badass princess”? Because she also has that elegant aura about her. I hope I am making sense…?

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ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕦𝕟𝕠 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕠

💙 2! 3! by BTS 💙

We know that you are happy right now / That you're slaying right now / You have all what you deserve / And we are so damn proud / But you're people, like us / You have spars, you get hurt / You get tired of the pressure / You get tired of the rush / God, thank you so much! / For giving us the chance / To tell you that we're here for you / And this will never change /

Lay on us / When dark times come and surround you / Our light will help you to get through / Our love is gonna heal you / Lay on us / The ones who would go to space to / Steal some stars just to give you 'cause it would make you feel good / We're gonna stay with you forever, until the end / We swear that we're not going anywhere / Yeah we're not going anywhere / We know the road can be so tough / But with holding hands / Together we take a nice deep breath /

Haruno strikes me as the kind of person, who’d be a really supportive friend, so I thought this might fit her. I have not seen much of her and her character neither in the anime nor in the manga yet, so I don’t really know whether this is any good or if it does her any justice.

On the other hand, I feel this song would also fit the Tanizaki siblings well.

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𝕄𝕚𝕪𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕚

💙 Puste sie weg (blow them away) by Kontra K 💙

Love in the air – blow it away / 9mm on the chest – then blow it away / 3g on the mirror – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest / Hate in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest […] /

Because everyone’s talking, talking, talking too much / But unfortunately never do it, do it, do it / And I don’t hate, hate, hate the player / But I’d rather kill a whole team by myself /

I’d rather have three, four warriors than one thousand “brothers” / I’d rather pick up cents from the ground than break bread with liars / I’d rather be broke like I used to be than be a part time dealer / I’d rather have a heart of gold than sharing with no one at all (no one) /

Hatred in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest /

Take the lyrics quite literally, “blow them away”. The feeling of this song fits him, I think, because of his sheer strength. He just blows away hatred, malice, etc. and is unaffected by any of it as his heart and his head stay innocent and pure, even if naive.

I have to say though, it can be a pun, especially the part of “9mm (gun) on the chest” would be most obvious for it (especially considering that the “on the chest” part does not specify in German whether it’s your own chest or you are holding a gun to someone’s else’s chest lol). In general “puste xy weg” means to blow it away with the air out of your mouth, but colloquially it can also mean gunning down something or someone. And if you apply that meaning to every single line with “blow it away”, the meaning turns around from not letting it bother you to killing it, which I find interesting with this character. (Because he definitely has great potential to actually kill someone with his ability alone.) Though what I thought when I heard this song was that it might fit him with the meaning of him letting nothing bother him.

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𝕀𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 𝕂𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕜𝕒

💙 Alaska by Elif 💙

Sometimes I’m thinking, I’m going insane like everyone else / They said I’d be going nuts and yeah, I’m starting to believe them / -7°C, I’m walking through the city park by myself / The down jacket is keeping me warm, but in my heart, there’s Alaska /

I don’t know what love is / No matter how much of it I get, I need more of it / It’s tearing me apart on the inside / When I, once again, don’t know where I’ll be getting it from / Even my therapist says, he doesn’t know any further / My dark side, it’s stronger than the good one / My youth was poisened, the future is uncertain / It is how it is yeah, it is how it is /

💙 Godsent by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I used to share, I used to care / The good in me is gone I'm bad / I used to give, I used to feel / The things you did will never heal / Take a look at me now / See what I've become / I will no longer feed the machine / Can't control the monster in me, no / The way that I feel / Makes it harder to breathe / When I'm thinking about you / The monster is real /

This makes me think of her in the Port Mafia.

💙 Boomerang by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I've been gone for a while now / But only to gain my power / I've been fighting my demons / And I'm back up on my feet (and now) / The harder you fall down / The stronger you come back later / Now I feel like an army / And I've only just begun /

This one in turn makes me think of her in the Agency.

💙 Circles (제자리) by G.Soul 💙

Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again / Always come back to me / Back again / Eventually / Here again / Why is it so hard to leave? / Here again / We always stay here […] / Answer me, I don’t know, no / Just don’t know / You’re getting stuck / Forever / Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again /

This makes me think of what Kouyou (I hope I am remembering her name correctly) was saying about her as a flower of darkness, as she was kind of turning in circles (no pun intended)–between wanting to be in the light and “accepting” that she only belongs into the darkness–at the beginning before she finally joined the Agency.

💙 Excuses (변명) by G.Soul 💙

I told you not to be too good to me / That it would make it too hard on you / No matter what you say now / I don’t hear a word of it […] / Even though I may be making a mistake / Even though I may regret this as time goes on / Baby, I think that we should just end it here now /

Even though the song in total has a different vibe (and story lmao), these parts of the lyrics makes me think of Kyouka telling Atsushi that there is no saving her, and that the light is no place for her (directly after saving her from the Port Mafia). It kinda makes me think of the part, specifically, where Atsushi suggests going on a “date” and at the end of it, Kyouka wants the last place they go to to be the police station.

.

𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 & 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Sing To Me by Missio 💙

Somehow I got nominated as a king of sadness / Got so much I know that I could even feed the birds / And that's why / I prayed, I prayed, God sent me right to voicemail / It's like, all day my vanity is for sale / Take it away, my head is in my own hell /

Sing to me, I am not doing well / Getting tired of my own words / Sing to me 'cause I can't hear myself / Through the loudness of my own hurts / Call me selfish when I say this, say this / I'm kinda helpless, and I need you / Sing to me 'cause I'm not doing well /

Somebody told me that there's two sides to this life / I think I might've chosen darkness over light /

These two are two sides of the same coin, but no side is brighter than the other. I feel like they are kind of mirroring each other in the way they feel about themselves, which is why these lyrics mirror both of them towards each other as both are in need of salvation as they’re drowning in their own minds. Dazai is just better at hiding it from Atsushi.

💙 Namae wo yobu yo (Call A Name) by Luck Life (Season 1 Ending) 💙

I was searching / For the reason I’m able to remain as myself / If there’s a version of me / That exists within your heart / That even amid the darkness on this long, hilly road / I feel I can become a new me / Able to make my way through / So that each of us, walking our individual moments, can keep on smiling / So that we can keep moving forward, exploring the meaning of life together / I’ll call out a name / Your name / So that you can remain who you are /

Technically, lyrically it’s the entirety of the song, but I will not write down all of it lmao And it’s the Atsushi and Dazai parallels here again. It’s not just the ending with the animation that shows it for me, but the lyrics reflect both of them in them as well. I absolutely loved this ending. I never ship characters as I do not care about that, but I really love these two (separately)~ (What they mean for each other aka what they might mean for each other in the future [peace of mind/finding worth for Atsushi, and a reason to live for Dazai, etc.], how they’re already helping each other [Dazai helping Atsushi with feeling worthless, and Dazai finding a bit of piece of mind], etc. etc. etc.) I haven’t loved 2 characters in an anime as much as this in quite a long time (The last time was Kougami and Akane in Psycho Pass) as I find making up characters as complex as them and make them fit together as well as them/make them complement each other/balance each other out is actually pretty hard to do really well.

.

Making up this list took waaaaay longer than it should’ve. (I did not include Katai because I couldn’t think of a single song for him, sorry.)

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “The Wrath of Conn.”

Lol, I couldn’t resist. Anyway this is for the multitude of you Conn groupies who wanted a little something form his perspective. Well cue a couple pages of him sort of being an asshole. But also it is totally plot relevant so there is that. 

Hope you all enjoy. This was actually kind of difficult to write, and I had to re-write it at least once :) 

The ship was a strange place now, months had gone by without his presence, and without his connection to their thoughts, and in that time, things had changed. Conn wasn’t entirely sure he appreciated it, but only because that meant he had to re-gather all the information he had originally collected on his human crew members to begin with.

It had been a difficult few months, the most difficult the ship had ever experienced. Conn wasn’t exactly displeased at that fact considering that it was the collective fear and horror from the Cannibal incident that had finally broken him out of his Coma, but he was also displeased to find that things had changed somewhat. Conn didn’t lie change, especially the change that he saw within the Commander. The only person aboard the ship that he could actually communicate with mind to mind.

Well actually scratch that, there were a few others he could speak with, but currently the weighed about fifteen pounds and had language ability so rudimentary it was like trying to talk with the dog. 

Regardless, the last few months  had absolutely ruined what tentative trust the two of them had garnered. 

After returning to the ship, and after putting the Commander into a sort of psychological coma to deal with shock, a HAZMAT team from earth had been called to deal with the issue. Ensuing autopsies had proven that the crew had, in fact, been eating each other despite their being plenty of food left in storage. The remaining survivor, who the commander had been forced to kill in self defense was one Captain Everett Malaney Ex UNSC officer and current freelance ship contractor for both tourist and colonist divisions. By all right he had been an upstanding decision. 

His autopsy had shown that advanced scurvy including kidney failure was the main reason for his monstrous appearance, bruised skin, thinning hair, infected gums and so on. As for the behavior of the crew, it could only be put down to some sort of exaggerated mass hysteria when people realized they would likely die alone in space billions of miles from home in the blackness of space.

Commander Vir had been….. Ok at that point,  but the subsequent venture into a border-world prison had shattered his already cracked composure.

Conn was the only one who had been able to experience the fall from the man’s own perspective. Watching inside his head as he careened into a psychological spiral that had eventually brought them to the earth for treatment. 

Generally conn would have said that he totally didn’t care about anyone’s mental status, and he still would say the same upon being prompted, but this was something that needed to be taken care of and it needed to be done quickly. It wasn’t his fault he was the only one who would truly be able to handle it.

So there he floated in the darkness of early morning, down the hall and towards the mess hall, a ghost town in the early morning devoid of both the sleeping crew-members and the skeleton crew who were off working at their perspective jobs.

He could sense five minds on approach to the room. Three rudimentary and childish minds, and one completely alien guided primarily by smell and hearing. She was the one to  sense his first, with that powerful nose of hers. She didn’t like his smell, it was a burning and caustic thing that made her uneasy, and generally caused her to sneeze.

The next to notice were the spiderlings underdeveloped noses that were already almost as good as the dogs. They were strange creatures to be sure and Conn wasn’t sure how he thought about them.

Tendrils billowing at his back he floated into the room. 

With a whine of agitation, the dog lifted her head from where she had been grooming one of the spiderlings cradled between her two forward paws. Her tongue was still out from where she had been dragging it down the monstrosity’s back. Finally recognizing that he wasn’t going to leave she went back to her grooming. The soft scritch scritch scritch sound of her tongue on fur echoing around the room. She hadn’t originally known how to feel about the spiderlings, but they did smell oddly like Adam, and they looked enough like puppies that she could almost ignore the fact that they had extra legs.

He floated a bit closer to where the commander was sitting alone at one of the tables pen in hand making soft scratching noises as it moved across the paper.

Clinging to his back, like some sort of grotesque backpack, was another one of those little monstrosities. This one’s name was Glados, and Conn was almost sure that she was entirely a creation of anger and hatred aggressively protective of the commander even more so now that they considered his current psychological state.

Conn was only halfway across the room when the scratching of the pen slowed.

Adam paused, and Conn listened as a chill went up the man's spine. He could feel something watching him. And Conn marveled at that fact not entirely sure how the human could know that he was here when he had made no noise. Glados turned her head and hissed at him, but Conn flicked at her with his mind making her shrink back with a whimper.

Setting down his pencil, Adam turned slowly in his seat.

His expression registered absolutely no shock upon seeing Conn floating towards him. On the surface, he looked older as if he had aged ten years in the past month. He was slightly disheveled too hair mussed over his head, skin pale, with dark circles under his eyes. Everything about him seemed washed out.

“Conn.”  The man said, his voice echoing about the room. It was soft, flat, and uncharacteristic of him.

Conn paused glancing through the man’s mind to get a good look at the paper. His vision wasn’t so good in the dark confines of the ship. Generally his species spent much of its time in the direct light of stars, so much of his world was seen through other people’s heads. He saw the sketchy line drawing of a zombie head with hesitant crosshatched marks of shading.

:”Still haven't bothered to tell your therapist about that?” Conn projected into his mind.

He felt a sudden flash of anger in the man before it faded away dimmed as soon as it had come. That fact made Conn displeased.

He didn’t like the man without some sort of passion, and if he couldn't get happiness he would have settled for anger.

Not that he cared of course.

“No…. I haven’t.”

“Why not?”

“You should already know the answer to that.” The commander said turning back to his drawing, “Go on, I know you’ve already looked.”

Of course Conn had taken a look. 

“Why do you insist on getting over this yourself when someone payers her a truckload of cash to help. It seems stupid and prideful.”

“Keep going.” The man prompted.

“Well consider now that I am here you no longer have privacy, so there is no reason to try and hide it anymore.”

There was a deep sigh, and the man tilted back his head. Inside Conn could hear his inner monologue urging his anger down. Conn couldn’t understand what kind of privacy invasion this was, in fact he should have seen this coming, but he still didn't want to explain himself to the strange creature and it’s freaky black eyes.

“Why do you want me to explain myself when you can just read my mind anyway. Why do you need to hear it from me.”

“I don’t need to hear anything, you need to hear it.”

The man paused setting down his pencil and turning again to look at Conn, one of his eyebrows was raised and the expression he had taken on was almost one of a disapproving father, which was a strange expression on a man that spends most of his time in the mental headspace of a 12 year old.

“Why do you care.” 

Con kicked his feet a little causing himself to float upwards towards the ceiling, “ I don’t care accept for your constant inner pity party is putting me off my relaxation time. I did just wake up from a coma after all, and the last thing I want is to have to deal with your dysfunctional thoughts invading my snooping. You see it is very difficult to dig up juicy secrets on the rest of the crew when your ‘oh woe is me’ attitude keeps breaking into my concentration.”

Another little spark of anger, this time a little stronger.

yes , that was good, better to have to moving out and being destructive that way than moving in. However, the human locked down his troughs with an angry twist of his lips, “Will it get you out of my head.”

“Alright.”

“What do I need to do.”

“Nothing really. I am going to say something to you and you are going to respond, that’s it.”

The human hesitated his chin lowered a bit, but eventually he sat back arms crossed, “Ok seems easy enough.”

“Bitch”

The human frowned, “Hold on.”

“Bitch.”

“Hey,” Another flash of anger, “What the hell kind of statement is that.”

“Whiny pathetic bitch.”

The human stood, “Hold on, I said I would play your game, and then you just come at me with insults.” That little spark was growing inside his chest heating up nice and warm. Conn could almost feel it as if it was his own. He liked the sensation. Human emotions were so fun to feel, so fun to play with. They gave him physical sensations he was physically incapable of having.

“Whiny- pathetic - bitch.” he repeated 

“You know what Conn screw you and the horse you rode in on because I have no idea where you are getting this.”

“Really. Someone once told me that actions speak louder than words and here you are moaning to your therapist about how hard your life is, and how hard it is to sleep and how hard everything is wa wa…. Wa.”

The human thrust a finger at him, “You shut your trash mouth. I am not going to be shamed for getting myself help. What I had to go through was rough, and I wasn’t ready for it. I could sit in the corner and cry about it, but here I am getting help holding myself together, so you can just shut up.”

“Doesn’t seem to be working.” “What the hell is that supposed to mean.”

Conn held out his hands to either side, “Look around Commander. Here you are sitting alone in the dark at three in the morning drawing pictures of cannibal zombies. I mean honestly you have gone and lost it. If you really wanted to get better you would probably tell her that you keep seeing him when you look in the mirror.”

“Fuck you Conn. I needed time, I STILL need time, and I will TAKE all of the TIME I NEED.”

If he could have cracked his knuckles he would have. This was fun, “No you can’t. You have a job to do, and by acting like this you are letting the entire crew down.

“Id let the crew down more if I took over not being ready.”

“Then why aren’t you ready?”

The human stepped forward right up in his face. The spark had lit into a flame fanned. The anger was billowing outwards, “I think I deserve to feel like shit for a little while. I watched a man die.”

“You mean the man you killed.” Conn went on smuggly 

The human was even closer to him now, chest to chest, “I DID-NOT-KILL-HIM. I survived. That man may have deserved what he got and maybe he didn’t, but no one died and made me GOD so it's not my place to decide.”

“You didn’t help him though, did you.”

“No, I didn’t, but why was it MY job to help him. Me against an entire prison. The guards weren't going to stop them, they hated that guy just as much as the rest of us, and while we are on the subject. YES I wanted him dead, any normal person would. I’m not a saint, I’m not perfect and yes I have those sort of thoughts. In fact, I got what was coming to me; my punishment was the beating I got. Anyone who blames me for any of that can go right to hell.” The flame was roaring nice and warm now. It was anger, and it was making both of them feel light. Blood ran through their hands and into their heads. 

It felt sort of nice to be mad.

“Oh please, if you really believed that, you wouldn't feel so guilty.”

The human snarled. The dogs and the spiderlings on the floor had retreated under a table, but Glados hissed along with him. “You think I feel guilty because of HIM, no. I feel guilty because I didn’t live up to my own standards. If I really am who I thought I was, I would have helped him no matter what, but I didn't and that's why I am frustrated. I am not the man I thought I was, and that PISSES ME OFF.”

Conn floated a little closer two dark eyes looking into one green one, “You know who you remind me of?”

“Oh please tell me more, I am DYING to know.”

Conn paused allowing the tension to build, “Mr. Everett.”

The room had gone very silent. Glados stopped growling, and her little ears went back, “Take…. That…. Back.” The human hissed in a horse whisper.

“Make… me.” Conn whispered back 

He watched from the Commander’s peripheral vision as Glados crawled across the floor and under the table. He was getting into dangerous territory, but that was no matter. He would manage just fine, “Come on, just look at his career, mirrors your own now wouldn't it. I can just imagine it, the ship goes dark and poor little Adam Vir loses his mind and starts eating the crew.”

A vein was pulsing just above the man’s good eye, “I would not.”

“I wonder what the Drev taste like. I mean Sunny is small enough, you could probably catch her and chop her up into bite sized pieces if you really wanted to.” 

‘I said SHUT UP.” “Why should I!”

The man lifted his hands as if he was going to choke Conn, but held back balling them into fists, “I would never do that, and I don’t give a damn what you say. I would keep my cool, and we would find a way out because that is what we always do.”

Conn shrugged intentionally and quite completely blowing him off as if it was nothing.

“You know it’s just sad. You trying to justify yourself.”

“What do you want from me Conn. Why are you her. Does messing with people get you off or something. Is this some kind of sadistic pleasure for you?” 

There was silence in the room for a long moment. 

Waffles whined below the table, and the spiderlings chirped nervously along with her.

“No Commander.” His voice lost it’s edge, he let it slip take on a more distant quality inside the man’s head.

“These thoughts aren’t mine…..” The human looked on in confusion, the flame in his chest pausing.

“They’re yours.” The flame was snuffed blown into smoke which rose into confusion on his face. He took a step back.

“What are you talking about?”

“None of those words were mine. I stole them all from your own head. All of the insults all of the illogical assumptions.” He grinned, “they made you mad, didn’t they because they didn’t make sense.”

The man just stood there mouth agape jaw working furiously though no sound came out

“You argued pretty heavily with me didn’t you. Thought I was being some sort of asshole….” Laughter, not that he could make the sound, but inside the man’s head he could sound like anything, “I’m not the asshole, Commander...you are. Calling yourself names, doubting yourself. Personally my opinion is that if you are allowed to do it, than I am. I mean if it’s inside your own head than you must believe it.”

“But I don’t.” the man whispered 

“Than what do you believe commander?” He waited there, knowing the answer but watching as the human struggled to find it inside his own cluttered head. Parts of his subconscious doing its best to hide the truth, but then he snagged it. Just a tendril, but it was enough.

He sighed deflating, “I want to feel normal again, I want to get back to work. I wanted someone to be angry at me, someone to yell at me like I won't shatter. I want them to tell me that I am NOT doing as well as I could. I want people to expect MORE from me not less because less means that they believe in me less. Even if I can’t reach it, I want people to honestly believe that I can because maybe if someone believe it, it’s true.”

“You feel like people have been making excuses for you.”

He threw his hands in the air, “Exactly. They’ve been going so easy, they've been so nice, but that's not what I want… It’s not what I need. I know it sounds stupid, but I want someone to come in here and tell me to my face that I need to do better because they'd be right. All the doctors and all my friends they think they are being supportive, and they are, but that’s not what I need. I need expectations.” 

Conn crossed his arms, “Fine, do better. Get off your ass and get back to work.”

He sighed, “it’s different coming from you.”

“Why?”

“Because You know exactly what I want, but you're probably don’t mean it. I don’t need platitudes Conn.”

More laughter. He liked the sound it was fun, and it was a great way to mock people, “Platitudes. Do you honestly think I care about your feelings enough to give you platitudes. I am being honest. I think you’re being a selfish asshole sitting here all alone in the dark coloring when you have a job to do. Do better.” The man was glaring at him again. That little spark in his chest had come back easier than it had before, Conn reveled in the feeling of his anger.

“What do you want Commander, right now what do you feel right now.”

“Probably the desire to strangle you.” Conn didn’t even bother flinching.

“You don’t really want that.”

He sighed in annoyance, “Fine, I don’t want that…. I….” Conn waved a hand trying to prompt him on. Conn could feel it, a sort of buildup of emotion inside the man. Physically it felt like a cap on a shaken up bottle filling his entire body up till just under his head, like he was trying to keep his face out of the water in order to avoid drowning.

“You now what, honestly I’M PISSED OFF. IT’S NOT FAIR DAMN IT. If I could just…..”

“Come on….” Conn coaxed.

“If I could just, clear it all out then maybe I’d feel better, but I have to act all civilized because of my rank. I have to be in control.

Conn waved a hand dismissively and motioned around the room, “Well go on, no one is stopping you.”

“Not on the ship.” The man hissed in return.

“It’s your ship isn’t it. Look around, Commander what is the worst you could do, break a couple of chairs bust the coffee machine , nothing you couldn’t pay for.”

“What if the crew sees. 

“Screw them.” Conn said, “everyone will be better off if you get a little destructive now versus not doing it and being a lot more destructive later.”

THe man held his eyes for a very long moment, “It won’t be pretty.”

“I’m inside your head, I have seen plenty of things that aren't pretty.” 

There was silence for a few seconds before.

“You should probably step back.”

This time Conn did as directed floating back and high watching as the man turned on the spot. His head was bowed, his hands curled into claws at his side. He watched from the sky as one dog and three spiderlings slunk across the room and hid under the salad bar.

He allowed himself to feel the buildup as the man’s hands began to shake uncontrollably, his breathing grew heavy, blood rushed into his face and neck, and then, the cap burst from the bottle….

WIth a scream of anger, almost inhuman the man lashed out with his prosthetic leg kicking the table. The power was enough to snap some of the bolts holding it in place and it hit the floor on it’s side with a crash. Chairs went flying along with creative curses Conn would have to save for later. Silverware crashed onto the ground. Lights hung from exposed wires. Metal screeched as it was dented. Paper was rent and scattered about the floor like confetti. 

Minutes passed by followed a reign of destruction so impressive Conn admitted he actually underestimated what was going to happen. 

The commander  stood at the center of the room surrounded by carnage. His hands were bleeding. He tilted his head back towards the ceiling screamed again and fell to his knees breathing hard. There he went quiet and Conn could feel as the last bit drained from him, dripping onto the floor and dissipating away.

The red faded from his neck and face, and with an exhausted sigh he flopped onto his back one bloody hand resting on his stomach, the other resting on the floor as he stared at the ceiling. Conn floated over, adjusting the gravity field so he sunk to the floor, and lay down as well. Their heads were side by side, though their feet were going in opposite directions.

They lay like that for a minute.

After a few moments, There was a soft shuffling on the floor as waffles slunk from under the salad bar crouched close to the ground, her tail sweeping fast and slow to the ground her ears back.

She scooted closer to the commander, whimpering and yawning with agitation.

The commander patted her ears as he stared up at the ceiling, and she lay against him in the crook of his arm. 

Noise down in the hallway, along with the sound of rushing feet and a group of humans charged onto the deck carrying an assorted array of weaponry. They paused in the doorway to the mess hall from two doorways looking both worried and confused spotting the commander lying amidst the carnage.

“Commander wha-”

The man held up a finger, “SHHH…. Shhhhh.” 

The humans went quiet looking between each other with confused expressions. Dr. katie poked her head around the door frame and glanced around the room, then with tentative steps she walked quietly into the room and towards where the commander lay. She didn’t say anything but paused, then shrugged and slowly lowered herself to the ground, adjusting herself till she was flat on her back staring up at the ceiling. The other humans looked between each other in surprised confusion, but one of the marines shrugged walked forward and lay down on one of Conn’s other sides resting his hands atop his stomach in silent contemplation.

Following their baser social instincts, the other humans followed until, one by one, he was surrounded by an array of human bodies all staring up at the sky in deep contemplation. Conn reached out to them feeling their solidarity to their commander, and then connected the two together allowing the Commander to hear them for one brief moment.

There was silence and then, inside his head.

“Thank you, Conn.”

“don’t mention it.”

...

“Conn.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t EVER try that on anyone else.... ever again.” 

“You have my word, Commander.” 

 Whatever..... its not like he cared.

[opalsdarkreadings]

Obey me

Pairing: Yandere Bakugou x reader

Warning: kidnapping, mentions of violence

Genre: Thriller, romance,

You knew it the minute the alarm blared through the yard, you weren’t gonna make it. Your feet slap agianst the lushes green grass, your determination overriding your fear as the light of the tunnel began to shout for you on the other end. A golden gate standing nearly as ten feet tall with spearheads resting atop, tips so sharp they caught the glare of the afternoon rays. Hissing, the two doors begin to slowly retract, mocking your foolish decision to ever think you could escape.

“No, no god please...please don’t let it end here!”you scream out to yourself, tears pouring out your eyes like a rushing river. Just a few more feet, a few more feet and then you’re out of this hell hole. Your eyes lock on the gates doors, the alarms crying fading into the background, your breathing slowed and everything around you melts into black, the gates being your only focuses.

The clock against time began ticking along in your mind, the door seemingly shutting faster as the number jump down.

5...........4.

You whiz past the garden, the milky white gazebo, the towering structure stood like a sneering reminder of the day you lost your hope and freedom. The memory flashing in your mind like a beacon.

“Bakugou, you can't keep me locked in here! I’m not a damn doll to be placed on a shelf and be stared at!” You huffed out, face flooded with heat as steam practically curled out your ear. The gentle breeze of that afternoon caress against your cheek but it surely didn't bring a delighted feeling with it. “You know what, I’m not arguing with you. I’m leaving.” You went to step aside but In a matter of seconds, you caught between a broad chest and the edge of the gazebo. “I think you keep forgetting something...” he inches over to your ear, lips slightly grazing over the lobe before he spoke, “I am a God compared to you, whatever I say goes and if you can’t comply to those...wishes, I’ll make you understand why I’m Number one.”

You blink away the foul memory and rush past the garden like the devil himself was trailing after you. You lost everything that day, your freedom, friends, and family, and among all that, your sense of dignity. You’ve already convinced yourself of the measures you’ll take to be free and you certainly weren’t to keen on those options.

3.............2

The back portion of the large estate peeked over the skyscrapers like trees surrounded it. A cold shiver ran down your spin. The pointed rooftop reminds you of those old gothic buildings were the stone demons stood perching atop the roof with menacing deep-rooted eyes that seem to stares holes into you. Of course that wasn’t the only bone chilling factor about the building, it came with its own closet of skeletons as well.

“If you’d stop fighting, you wouldn’t be in here.” That voice, so deep and rough that’ll fill your body with hot shudders, now all brought a feeling of disgusts and fear. You couldn’t even look his way. The chains holding your arms from your side clanks against the stone wall behind you as you shifted away from the entrance. Oh, that was the biggest mistake you’d made that day. Like bull spotting red, he charged towards you. Nose flared and eyes glaring daggers, in a matter of seconds he had you on your knees, your arms held behind you as the chains pulled back from your body leaning forward. Sparks pop off from his hands, his usual scowl was pulled into a sinister smile as he looked back down at your trembling form. The glint In his eyes filled with nothing but with sadistic pleasure. You had broken down begging him to let you out as the gravel under you, cut and sink into your flesh bring on more bruises skin. “Don’t give me that, you clearly haven’t learned your lesson. After all, you can’t get all of your Gods love without learning what punishments await your disobedience.” He sneered, lip curled into a wide grin that had your hair standing. “Now start counting.”

Memories you’ve tried so hard to surpass, had you drowning in them as they pop into your mind. Tears cloud your visions, the old creaking hinges of the door becoming louder as you approached closer to the gate. “Just a little more, just a little more .” You mumble to your self, your breath ragged, and clothes were torn but you could care less. You could practically taste your freedom and that’s all that matters.

1..........0

The gate paused, the doors becoming still and leaving just enough space for you to squeeze through, not processing that the gates had stop you slipped through the crack and stood outside the estate with bewildered eyes. You were out, you were finally out. You take a good look around, drinking up your surroundings. The road ahead of you stretched out for mile for what it seems, but you remember there was a small gas station only 3 miles away. It’ll be a while, but you’ll ask for help there and hopefully share with the world who Bakugou truly is, maybe he could get help. The trees gently sway from the breeze passing by, the fresh smell of pin filling your nose and......burnt caramel.

“Enjoying the breeze pet, cause you surely won’t be seeing it again.”

The world came crashing down on your like a brick. You plan, you kissing up to his psychotic ass, you consent punishments and sex you had to endure in order to live to his standards, just so you could get to this point. It was all wasted.

“You heard me, now speak.”

His gruff-voiced called, each word dripping with seething anger. At that moment your flight or fight instinct took in and you took off. This threw Katsuki off at first but he quickly recovers and launched off after you like a speeding arrow. A series of sparks flew from his hand before he created one big enough to project his body further and slam into yours. You went to ground like a newborn calf, with him standing over you with sparks popping off in his palms. You lay their eyes dull and body so heavy that added weight of Bakugou’s shoe over your chest felt like he was pressing the world into you.

“I’ve told you countless times, no matter how much you fight, cuss, spit, or plot, I’ll always be a step ahead of you. As your god it’s my duty to watch over your clumsy ass, so don’t hurt yourself trying to escape. You’re ruining yourself so stop fighting and obey me.”

Your lids feel like lead as you began to lose consciousness. His crimson orbs being the last thing you see before everything fades to black

“Obey me Y/n.”

First-time writing for Bakugou, lol I didn’t make Him angry enough.

I hope you enjoy 😉



[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

Katabasis Patterns in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Or, in which I make use of my official Classics minor (and my unofficial film nerd minor) while ignoring my French major altogether.

Howdy, everyone, and welcome to this week’s episode of Extremely On My Bullshit!  Today we’re going to talk at length about how the trip to Davy Jones’ Locker in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End borrows elements from various classical narratives containing a katabasis, or a trip to the Underworld.  This will be a slightly Tumblr-ified version of an actual paper I wrote for my Classical Antiquity On Screen final.

Shoutout to this post by @charlesdances, which allowed me to infodump about Hades/Persephone parallels in Barbossa and Elizabeth’s relationship across the trilogy, and to @aye-tortuga for requesting this longer post, which I teased at the end of the aforementioned meta.

Right then, let’s get started!  Under a cut to spare your dashes from long post made longer still by screencaps and works cited (yep, it’s that kind of meta).  For the purposes of this meta, only the first three Pirates films will be considered canon as the later sequels contradicted elements of the established lore.

I touched on this in the first paragraph, but I’ll begin by defining two words which will appear throughout this meta: katabasis and anabasis.  Katabasis and anabasis are Ancient Greek terms which refer to “that narrative . . . that portrays the hero’s descent into, and ascent from, the underworld—the journey to hell” (Holtsmark 25).  (If you want to get etymological about it, kata is down, ana is up, and baino comes from the verb meaning “to go [on foot].”)

This katabasis narrative takes place in the first act of At World’s End.  If you’ll recall, Dead Man’s Chest ended with Elizabeth chaining Jack to the Black Pearl’s mast: she knew the Kraken was only interested in Jack, so she sacrificed him to give herself and the others a chance to escape.  However, at the very end of the film, Elizabeth and the crew of the Pearl pledge to retrieve Jack from his resting place in Davy Jones’ Locker (the Underworld), and Tia Dalma offers both herself and Barbossa as guides to those “weird and haunted shores.”

So, after the cinematic fucking masterpiece that is the opening “Hoist the Colours” sequence (I also wrote a paper on that lol), we find ourselves in Singapore, where Elizabeth, Barbossa, and co. meet with the pirate lord Sao Feng in hopes of obtaining a map to the Locker.  The Singapore segment opens with Elizabeth piloting a lone craft along a murky river, evoking images of Charon with his ferryman’s pole:

As she poles the boat along, she sings a pirate tune with decidedly death-centric lyrics, tuning us in to the symbolism and themes at play: “Some men have died and some are alive / Others sail on the sea / With the keys to the cage and the Devil to pay / We lay to Fiddler’s Green.* / The bell has been raised from its watery grave / Hear its sepulchral tone . . .” (*A form of afterlife from maritime folklore)

At the end of this scene, we see something odd: Tia Dalma dressed as a blind organ grinder.

Plot-wise, this serves to divert the colonial soldiers’ attention from the pirates’ activity, but metaphorically, here she represents the blind seer Tiresias, whom Odysseus encounters when he first enters the realm of Hades (Odyssey 11.187-149).

When the pirates meet Sao Feng, the imagery starts to mix a little.  The filmmakers present Sao Feng in a somewhat Hades-esque (Hadean?) manner (steam, flames, and warm tones, with a skylight to imply subterranean depths):

However, while he is a powerful figure, he does not keep the Underworld itself (that duty falls to Jones); he merely keeps the knowledge of its entrance.  Barbossa attempts to gain this knowledge by presenting Sao Feng with a silver coin: a reminder of his duty as Pirate Lord as well as another Charon parallel.  Barbossa’s tactic does not work, but like in the previous scene, the imagery prepares viewers for the descent to come.

After getting Sao Feng’s navigational charts another way, the pirates’ journey to the underworld continues in earnest.  When Will expresses doubt about their path, Barbossa nearly quotes the Aeneid outright: “Trust me, young Master Turner: it’s not gettin’ to the Land of the Dead that’s the problem; it’s gettin’ back.”  This echoes the Cumaean Sibyl’s famous words to Aeneas: “Easy is the descent to [the Underworld]: night and day the door of gloomy Dis stands open; but to recall one’s steps and pass out to the upper air, this is the task, this the toil!” (Aeneid 6.126-129, tr. H.R. Fairclough).  Aeneas, guided by the Sibyl, passes through the mouth of a cave as part of his descent (“A deep cave there was, yawning wide and vast, of jagged rock” (Aeneid 6.237-238, cf. 6.262-263, tr. Fairclough)); likewise the pirates, guided by Barbossa and the charts, pass through a cave as they travel into stranger climes:

(Buuuut to be fair, this one is possibly just incidental or else more of a reference to Gustave Doré’s art for Rime of the Ancient Mariner rather than a reference to any specific classical text.  Doré’s artwork is used elsewhere in PotC, so it’s prolly just aesthetic.  Also caves are cool and the ultimate symbolic doorway.)

Next they come to a distant, shadowy realm with a misty sky and a sea tranquil enough to reflect starlight:

Again, this could also be incidental (and/or just a really cool homage to the sailing-to-the-moon scene in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)), but it does have a classical counterpart: “The ship took us to the deep, outermost Ocean / And the land of the Cimmerians, a people / Shrouded in mist.  The sun never shines there [...] Nor bathes them in the glow of its last golden rays; / Their wretched sky is always racked with night’s gloom” (Odyssey 11.14-19).

Both of these qualities—the cave and the darkness—fit Holtsmark’s observations on katabatic patterns: “The entryway to the other world is often conceived as lying in caves or grottoes or other openings in the earth’s crust into the nether regions, such as chasms or clefts. . . . The lower world is generally dank and dark, and the journey usually takes place at dusk or during the night” (Holtsmark 25).

At last, the pirates’ ship goes over the edge of an enormous waterfall and the screen fades to black.  Voices from the original Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride echo over the dark screen, ending with the ominous phrase “Dead men tell no tales.”  However, we shall soon see this proved very wrong, for the pirates encounter several souls with tales to tell.  As for these nameless voices, they may represent multitudes of “bloodless shades” (Metamorphoses 10.42) left to languish in other parts of the Locker/Underworld.

At this point, the narrative cuts from the pirate band to Jack in Davy Jones’ Locker.  Jack warrants special punishment from Jones for disobeying the rules of a bargain they’d once struck (*yells forever about the good parts of The Price of Freedom and the crimes wrought by the DMTNT retcons*).  Jack’s own special hell, recalling the punishments of Tantalus and Sisyphus (Odyssey 11.611-629), does include his beloved Black Pearl (explicitly stated, by Jack himself, to be a symbol of personal freedom), but now it rests completely beached upon an endless, windless salt flat.  Jack is utterly alone in this wasteland, save for a crew of his own imaginary doppelgängers.

(I’m gonna be real with y’all: I don’t care for this scene at all and it brings the narrative to a screeching halt, so let’s just take a moment to angstily reflect on how profoundly this affects Jack-the-character’s psyche/mental state for the rest of the film and move on to better things.  God bless RPers and fic writers who deal with this scene and its effects in a deliciously Watsonian way.)

Tia Dalma/Calypso’s crabs eventually come to bear both captain and ship back to the sea.  This could be seen as classical-type divine aid/favoritism (a semi-literal deus ex machina) or as awkward, oh-no-what-do-we-do-now screenwriting, take your pick.  The crabs take Jack and the Pearl directly to the rest of the pirates, who have washed up on the Locker’s desolate shore.  In a twist on the classical formula, Jack initially thinks his rescuers the dead ones as they recount their past experiences.  Additionally, Jack represents a sort of Eurydice figure as the dead-in-need-of-rescuing, while his Orpheus, Elizabeth, is ironically the one who “killed” him in the first place.  All the pirates (Jack included) finally set sail in the freed Black Pearl and attempt to escape this Underworld: the anabasis has begun.

On their way out, when the sky grows dark, the crew encounter scores upon scores of shades floating aimlessly upon the sea:

This parallels Odysseus’ experience (“Then out of Erebus / The souls of the dead gathered / . . . They drifted up to the pit from all sides / With an eerie cry, and pale fear seized me” (Odyssey 11.34-35, 40-41)) as well as that of Aeneas (“Hither rushed all the [ghostly] throng, streaming to the banks . . . They stood, pleading to be the first ferried across, and stretched out hands in yearning for the farther shore” (Aeneid 6.305, 313-314)).  Tia Dalma reveals that long ago, Calypso had charged Davy Jones “to ferry those who died at sea to the Other Side,” but he has since abandoned his duty, hence his current eldritch appearance.  This explicitly posits Jones as a failed psychopomp who has now left these souls stranded like the unburied men of the Odyssey and Aeneid.

The crew leave these shades in peace until Elizabeth spots a familiar face: her father.

At this point I must ask you to rewatch this scene so you can fully appreciate the parallels without me including a lengthy transcript in this already long post.

This scene comes directly from classical literature, as both Odysseus and Aeneas encountered dead parents in the Underworld.  Odysseus saw his mother: “. . . At once / She knew me, and her words reached me on wings: / ‘My child, how did you come to the undergloom / While you are still alive?  It is hard for the living / To reach these shores.  There are many rivers to cross, / Great bodies of water, nightmarish streams, / And Ocean itself, which cannot be crossed on foot / But only in a well-built ship’” (Odyssey 11.151-158).  Like Elizabeth, Odysseus had no prior knowledge of his mother’s passing (11.170).  His mother warned him of the dangerous situation which had sprung up during his absence, just as Weatherby Swann warned the pirates of the dangers of Davy Jones’ Heart.  Aeneas likewise encountered the spirit of his father, Anchises: “‘Have you come at last[?] . . . Over what lands, what wide seas have you journeyed to my welcome! What dangers have beset you, my son!’” (Aeneid 6.687-693).  Anchises, too, offers some advice for the future, for he “tells of the wars that the hero next must wage . . . [and] how to face or flee each peril” (6.890-892).  Having Elizabeth be the one to encounter a dead parent in the Underworld confirms her as the series’ protagonist, in case that wasn’t patently obvious from the rest of the trilogy (and the failure of Pirates 4 and 5).  Weatherby Swann’s warning also serves to remind the audience of the stakes.

Finally, the pirates make their way out of the Locker.  While the remainder of their journey takes more inspiration from Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Western European folklore than classical literature, the latter’s influence on the film remains quite clear.  When the pirates return to the land of the living, it is daybreak:

(*Lawrence of Arabia theme, but on a cello*)

So, too, does Odysseus emerge from the Underworld into a new dawn: “Our ship left the River Ocean / And came to the swell of the open sea / . . . Where Dawn has her dancing grounds / And the Sun his risings” (Odyssey 12.1-5).  The pirates thus complete their katabasis/anabasis, and with rather more luck than Orpheus.

In review: The pirates begin their katabasis in Singapore, which boasts a plethora of Underworld symbolism, including a death-centric song and images of Charon, Tiresias, and Hades.  They cross various waters in their descent, mirroring locations from Homer and Vergil, and Barbossa quotes the Cumaean Sibyl.  Elizabeth and the pirates retrieve Jack from the Locker’s punishments in a twist on the Orpheus and Eurydice myth.  Like Odysseus and Aeneas, Elizabeth sees her dead parent in the Underworld, who warns her of things to come.  In the end, the pirates emerge from the Underworld into the light of dawn, signalling their return to life.  By borrowing from Homer, Vergil, and Ovid, At World’s End presents an Underworld narrative which is familiar in structure and yet easily incorporated into a new mythology: “Same story, different versions.”

(Please message me if you’d like to quote/reference this post in a paper and I can give you my name + details on the official version!  Plagiarism is shitty and unnecessary!)

WORKS CITED

Crispin, A.C.  Pirates of the Caribbean: The Price of Freedom.  Disney Editions, 2011.

Fairclough, H.R., translator.  The Aeneid.  1916.  By Vergil.  Theoi Project, www.theoi.com/Text/VirgilAeneid6.html.  Accessed 4 May 2019.

Holtsmark, Erling B.  “The Katabasis Theme in Modern Cinema.”  Classical Myth & Culture in Modern Cinema, edited by Martin M. Winkler, Oxford University Press, 2001, pp. 23-50.

Homer.  The Odyssey.  The Essential Homer, translated and edited by Stanley Lombardo, Hackett Publishing Company, 2000, pp. 241-482.

Ovid.  Metamorphoses.  Translated by Stanley Lombardo, Hackett Publishing Company, 2010.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Bill Nighy, Chow Yun-Fat, Geoffrey Rush, Tom Hollander, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2007.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Bill Nighy, Tom Hollander, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2005.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2003.

[angelicorn]

FFVII Remake Analysis Chapter 1 (1/2)

My sister was introduced to FFVII via my gameplay and reacted to it with fresh eyes which I’ve written down and posted to tumblr up to chapter 5–which I will continue posting some time in the future (I finished the game, but have looked towards another project in place of the reactions) The past couple weeks, she’s been playing the game while we stop every so often to dissect and analyze the mediums used in this game for story telling purpose. We analyze the music, blank/negative spaces, lighting, camera angles and shots, the introduction of characters, using characters to reveal information/reveal to us the lack of info the players know, etc.

Everyone is free to their own opinions. We just wanted to share our thoughts and understanding of the story and its characters through the use of rhetorical appeals found in the game that push towards a common narrative that all players of this game can agree on—what FFVII’s story is about. We are free to our own interpretations and preferences. The plot devices and rhetoric strategies used in this game are there for specific reasons and this is our (me and my sister’s) take on that. We hope you enjoy this lengthy analysis.

Spoilers, for those who have not yet played the game.

When you begin the new game, you’re introduced to dry and barren land. The first sign of life we see is a bird flying across the sky and towards a bleak looking city. The scenery is washed out with hues of gray, black, etc.—the city is filled with people in contrast to the rocky terrain we saw prior, but it still seems dry and barren in a different sense. The flowers aren’t even growing. A reflection of a washed out greenish light reflects in the eyes of a child playing at a park and it’s coming out of something steel and man-made. It doesn’t look welcoming—it looks ominous. The brooding music and the way this pale light doesn’t illuminate everything around it, but rather makes everything else in comparison, darker, tells us so.

The scenes fades to black and we are next shown a mysterious nameless girl who is perched in front of a pipe(?) with the same glow that we saw coming from the reactor in the last scene. She opens her eyes and the camera cuts to a side view of her. We don’t see her expression, but we see the green glow of the pipes flicker almost as if it’s conversing with her. We see a yellow flower and it’s a a call back to the dead flower growing by the curb in the earlier scenes. It makes us question whether the green glow is something that’s alive and not meant to be harvested to an extent that the flowers are dying. She stands up and looks away from the screen into something unknown to the viewers. We’re further intrigued. Maybe she isn’t meant to be near the green glow? We don’t yet know.

She walks out into the street and bumps into someone who doesn’t even apologize or excuse himself. She drops a few of her flowers. A woman glances at her but no one helps this girl. A man even tramples on one of her flowers. We don’t see her face, but she picks it up with two hands—she’s carrying it like it’s something precious to her. Yes—this steel city is empty of greenery similarly to the way most people depicted are empty of compassion towards life (the environment)

She looks towards the sky and we are left with a lot of questions as to what she is to this story we are embarking on. The camera pans out to a large city enclosed within walls and divided into sections like a pizza—a telltale sign of a society being controlled by a higher power/hierarchy. The sound of drums, wind instruments and the brass instruments gradually become louder and louder until a streak of pale green light shoots across from the upper right corner and strikes the middle of the screen like a meteor. The logo appears to the sound of brass instruments and drums overpowering the score and this crescendo marks the beginning of an epic journey: Final Fantasy VII Remake.

The music gradually quiets down and we pan closer and closer into another section of the city with cuts of a moving train and a mysterious man with a large sword on his back perched on top of this train. We can’t help but wonder why he isn’t inside the train like a normal person and we‘re left to wonder if he’s trying to sneak in undetected. The train slows down to a stop in front of 2 grunts whose faces we can’t see. A closer look at the train—it doesn’t look like it’s meant for people to ride in. It looks like a heavy duty train that’s meant to transport things.

The grunts get their asses handed to them by three characters that are introduced. They’re wearing attire that’s a bit similar to each other so we get the feel that they’re acting as a 3-man unit/team. The camera pans to a big guy with shades and a metal cylinder arm. The guy looks intimidating and to be quite honest, sketchy. Is he supposed to be a good guy or a bad guy? We’ll have to play on to find out.

The three headbands wait for this big guy to give the signal and when he gives them the ok with a head nod, they nod in understanding and turn around to get to their destination.

“Get down here, merc.” The first line is spoken by this big guy whose name flashes on the screen as Barret.

We see the same man with the big sword riding atop the train from before as he back flips onto the scene and coolly looks up at the viewers in true protagonist/hero fashion and this is where we know without a doubt, we are definitely going to be playing as this mysterious, fellow. The striking eyes and spiky-hair tells us so (lol).

The story begins in the middle of all this action. We don’t know this guy’s name, why we’re working for Barret or what their objective even is yet, which leaves a unique way of storytelling by piecing information together. We rely on characters around us and our interactions with them to figure out just wtf is going on.

I wanted to note that the music is quick paced while the brass carries a low melody which, together, evokes a sense of urgency and covertness. We get an idea that perhaps we will be infiltrating this place. Also, the chapter of the title clues us in on what we’re doing. We’re destroying a reactor—a source of energy—which we can safely assume is that green stuff shooting out of that structure from the intro and that it is supplying this walled city with power/electricity.

The player has control of this character and, as Barret puts it, “you’re up” and made to engage in a battle with the same type of grunts as before, all in tutorial fashion. We learn that this man’s name is Cloud. We learn from the first few battles that Cloud is a cocky little shit swordsman based on his scripted dialogue between himself and the grunts. (The grunts warn him that they’ll shoot if he moves and he challenges them with the line, Go ahead.) Our first level up isn’t level 1, it’s level 7, and he already has a few abilities and a spell, plus different fighting modes, so we know he’s has some kind of fighting experience already. 

Additionally, the fighting modes are called Operator mode and Punisher mode. These are words that evoke a lack of autonomy. Operator suggests that a person must do something to make a tool or system function properly. Cloud is a tool to make another tool work. Punisher suggests that a person is inflicting damage, pain, death, etc.towards people who have committed grave crimes/sins —someone who takes away someone else’s autonomy.

We learn more about our main man through the other characters. Jessie and Biggs’ conversation reveals his full name, Cloud Strife, and that he was a SOLDIER which is stylized in all caps in the subtitles showing us that it may be more than just a title or occupation in this game. Biggs describes him as a professional in comparison to the rest of them. Professional in what specifically? He was trained to fight, what with all the abilities and fighting styles he has at this point. That leaves us with the question: what is a SOLDIER exactly, and why isn’t he a SOLDIER anymore?

His interaction with Wedge tells a lot about his character and gives us insight as to what the situation is and what his relationship to them is. Wedge gives a thumbs up—no words from Wedge—yet Cloud is moved to say this is a one time “gig” emphasizing his role as a mercenary and he reiterates it by saying when the job is done, their connection between himself and their group will also end. From a storytelling standpoint, this interaction leads us to separate ourselves emotionally from the rest of the group. To Cloud—the player—this is just another day at work.

Jessie and Biggs continue to talk about the player character, but you cannot interact with them at this point. As you approach Barret, he pushes you aside to watch over Jessie and Biggs. We get a stronger impression that Barret is a team leader of some sort—one that doesn’t seem to approve of your presence. Does that have anything to do with being a former SOLDIER?

Cloud isn’t interested in what Wedge thinks. Cloud is aloof and kinda fuckin’ rude. We wonder what made him this way?

Barret warns Cloud that he’d better be worth the money. He doesn’t even call him by his name. He calls Cloud merc, which further puts emotional distance between the two.

The fact that the player is left behind to fight the baddies alone while the rest make their way forward creates a distance between them as well. Cloud is working for them—not with them. A job’s a job.

Cloud takes the elevator alone and enters an area where we see Wedge is left behind while the rest of the group tells you to hurry and to pick up the pace.

As the player, I personally was annoyed that they aren’t more appreciative. I can’t keep up with you guys bc I’m left behind doing all the fighting keeping all of you from harm. However—fighting is what’s expected of the player—that’s what we were hired to do, right? I’m just being salty bc my efforts aren’t being noticed the way I want. Here, I feel inferior.

If you choose to interact with Wedge before going further, he tells you he will secure an escape route, asks you to keep his friends safe, and not to worry about him. Cloud may not give two shits yet, but as the player, I’ve begun to form an emotional attachment to Wedge. This guy is so caring! Cloud’s cold personality does not sway him! HOW can I not like Wedge?

We join up with the others and Barret asks him for directions to get to some bridge above mako storage. He then goes on in an increasingly aggravated manner and asks Cloud if he’s still a “loyal little doggy”. We can draw several conclusions from from this dialogue.

1. Cloud was once affiliated with some kind of power/company/force in opposition to Barret & co.

2. We are made to believe that Cloud left this company some time before for reasons we do not yet know.

2. Cloud was hired to help them infiltrate a building belonging to this opposing entity.

3. Barret’s lack of trust in Cloud correlates to his former affiliation with the opposing entity.

4. Mako is a source that this opposing entity has in possession. This building is huge. They must have quite a lot of it.

We are left with several questions about this character we are playing.

1. What is his objective?

2. What are his morals?

3. Where does his loyalty lie?

We lack this information, but we do know that Barret does not fully trust him because he’s a former enemy. So, can we trust Cloud too? Is he credible? Is he speaking the truth? Should we believe what he says? What if he’s a double agent? We have to play on as this character to find out.

Cloud experiences some kind of headache at the mention of “loyal little doggy” and it feeds us the idea that maybe he’s negatively triggered by it because it reminds him of something traumatic. This may be a clue that explains the reason for his departure from SOLDIER.

Barret calls him a mutt and exclaims “we can do this with you or we can do this without you.”

Cloud recovers from his headache and responds calmly. “Different reactor, different layout, depends when it was built. Never seen one like this, but I’ll manage.”

Barret’s use of “we” and “you” followed by Cloud’s “I” creates more of a separation between them.

Biggs gets the door open, but not for long. Cloud enters first—alone—Barret reaches his hand forward and shouts “wait!” and Cloud is left to fight alone while the others are locked outside of the room. When the fighting is over, Jessie chirps happily as she enters the room and makes a flirtatious comment which Barret tries to quickly shut down (lol).

Jessie gets this new door to open with her knowledge of passcodes through a friend. No one else at command will talk to them, but they must make due.

Now we know that this small team is a part of a bigger force, however, there isn’t a sense of unity as the command won’t socialize with this team specifically. Why though?

Biggs tells Jessie to be careful to which she responds with a smile. Cute moment showing Biggs’ concern and Jessie’s optimism/confidence—traits that may help us to understand their motivations and nature’s little more in the upcoming chapters.

If you talk to Barret, the first thing he tells Cloud is to be ready for the increasing security. “We can’t afford any more mistakes.” And he includes Cloud in this “we” this time around. It’s a subtle way for Barret to say they are a team and they should be working together. It also subtly reveals Barret’s soft and caring side. Classic soft teddy bear in a grizzly bear’s skin. You care, Barret—and the players care about you too, regardless what Cloud says.

Before getting into the elevator, Jessie asks about someone named Tifa and though it isn’t any of her business, she wonders if she and Cloud are close which is italicized to give an important emphasis on their relationship. Here, Jessie separates herself from the relationship between Cloud and Tifa, yet her interest in their relationship plus the flirting and comments on Cloud’s appearance hints that she may be interested in him ins romantic sense.

We hear and see a new name and for new players to the FFVII franchise, it’s common for people to consciously try to connect that name to a character. Tifa...Tifa... who is she? Why is Jessie asking Cloud about her? Wait, was Tifa the one who hired Cloud? Oh, is she the pink girl we saw in the intro?

The flashback sequence is important because it affirms to us that the pink girl from the intro is not Tifa, but an entirely different character. It is also worth noting that before the flashback, Cloud looks away from Jessie and willingly tries to remember Tifa. This flashback juxtaposes the quick flash of memories and migrain he receives when Barret calls him a loyal doggy. Those memories cause him pain when he remembers even bits and parts of it. The memories with Tifa are...well, we don’t quite know what they are to him yet, but there’s a stark contrast between how Cloud reacts towards the two memories.

The flashback reveals a town that doesn’t look like the city streets of the intro. We are experiencing this flashback through Cloud’s eyes. He looks at this tower hears Tifa call his name, and there we see she is surrounded by other boys. His focus jumps back and forth between her back to her surroundings. He turns away and Tifa asks if he is ignoring her. He focuses on her displeased face again and that is the last thing we see before the flashback ends—everything else in the background gets washed out with a pale green hue except for Tifa’s face. A hue of red is the only vibrant color left, and it’s centered on her face—we cut back to Cloud, and I don’t know if this the lighting effect was intended, but the red color on Cloud’s face is emphasized against a washed out background for a brief moment as well before the pale green hues face back into the regular color scheme. We also here what sounds like a heartbeat within the sharp static sounds? And so what are we left to think about this scene?

The music, mostly string instruments are played in a minor key that evoke mystery, nostalgia, and a sense of meekness. Tifa is the only one waving to him while the other boys rarely move an inch.

In the English version, he lifts his right hand with his palm open, a gentle gesture, and says “Tifa and I...” before he’s interrupted with the elevator buzzer.

We’re left with a sense that Tifa is someone from his childhood—a cute girl who is evidently popular among the other kids. The flashback initially leads us to think he wasn’t interested in being her friend as a child or that he was too shy/felt too inferior to all the boys hanging around her to accept her invitation...? The focus on Tifa’s face in his flashback, the redness in his face, followed by the subtle heart beat hints at a crush and that perhaps he may have been jealous/inferior to the other boys around her—thus, his hesitation when trying to explain his relationship with Tifa to Jessie.

An interesting fact that I noticed outside of my sister’s play through and discussions, the Japanese version has Cloud saying “oretachi” to refer to himself and Tifa. I looked into it, and basically—he’s trying to make himself seem more masculine and confident while also revealing that the relationship between he and Tifa is informal—implying that they are close.

It also shows subtle feelings of inferiority. He had to refer to himself like that to establish his masculinity right after a flashback with Tifa being surrounded by other boys. Way to be subtle about his feelings!

The English version, while less obvious, hints at his crush on Tifa in a different sense. The way he says “Tifa and I...” is a little less deep than how he usually speaks. Vocalization, hand gestures, facial expressions, music, and lighting and colorization in this short scene reveal a lot about Cloud’s feelings. His shyness in remembering this flashback reveal something tender in relation to this friend of his.

Just a fun fact that I personally wanted to share. For the sake of this analysis however, I won’t be talking about the Japanese dialogue and will only be referring to the English localization from this point on. Just wanted to share this info as it blatantly points towards Cloud’s characterization so early on in the story.in comparison to the English version.

Also note: the distance between Jessie and Cloud before the flashback and after. Jessie inches closer to Cloud and is the active participant in trying to close the distance between them, while Cloud stands still—a reflection of Cloud’s characterization and his relationship to others at this point. He’s seems to be socially stunted. While everyone else is trying to get closer to him, he’s emotionally and mentally not ready to make that connection.

There is so much to dissect in every chapter, but I’ve reached the image attachment limit and will continue this another time with screenshots attached as I believe it’s important to examine visual mediums while also providing images that are being examined in an analysis. 

So... to be continued in another post... stay tuned.

[gilbirda]

Just realized I didn’t finish porting this to tumblr lol

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Chapter 4: Secrets

She looked back up to him, her eyes watery as if she were about to cry but holding it behind an angry scowl. “He didn’t love me, and I see it now, because back then he only wanted me for what I had more than for who I was. He just wanted me to be a pretty face attached to his fucktoy.”

Bog gulped. This was bad. Worse than bad. Marianne must have been fifteen when all of this happened. She was a just child!

“But it didn’t stop there,” she kept talking, the first tears going down her cheeks, but he didn’t make any comment about it. “People started talking and spreading more and more rumours about what really happened between us. They said that I was incapable of satisfying any man, that I was a frigid, frozen Empress. Everything you can think of, they said about me.”

“But you were fifteen! How could they expect you to do that?” Marianne snorted, unamused.

“You tell me! Every girl in school was more than ready to drop her panties for him, I was the defective one!” her voice broke. The girl rubbed her eyes with her long sleeved black t-shirt, trying to stop the stream of tears going down her face. “You’ll have to excuse me, I’m not usually a crier. That’s my sister’s job.”

“Don’t worry,” Bog thought about putting a hand on her shoulder, but he talked himself out of doing it. Maybe it would do worse than good in that moment.

“I had to…,” she continued, “I had to endure this, you know? My sister only knows what everyone else does, and she can’t know the truth.”

“Why not? Why didn’t you tell an adult then? Or the Director?”

“You don’t understand. Roland is the big promise, the poster child of this school. No one would believe me,” she sniffed, the tears finally stopping as she looked at him in the eyes. “And the Director is my father. He adores Roland like the son he never had.”

Bog blinked once, twice. The plot thickens, he thought.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, “for having to suffer that alone.”

“I guess so. But at least now someone knows,” she smiled softly and then sighed again. “I’m a mess.” Marianne looked down to the smudges of makeup on her sleeves.

“Nah, it’s just paint. Here,” he offered her a handkerchief to clean her face.

“I’m sorry,” the girl murmured, her voice muffled by the cloth, “I’m ruining your stuff.”

“Don’t worry about it. I have tons. My mother usually gives me those for Christmas.” He breathed when she finally smiled, feeling a weird clench on his heart.

They settled into a comfortable silence as the sun started to set somewhere on the horizon, the light coming through the windows going more orange by the minute. Marianne finished cleaning her face of the make-up but didn’t immediately give back the handkerchief to its proper owner. As she thought of cleaning it on her house and return it the next day, she dwelled on the fact that she had just told her deepest secrets to a person she barely knew; a secret that she didn’t dare to tell anyone. Maybe that’s why she felt comfortable sharing her suffering - he was a complete stranger to the situation, after all. He didn’t know Roland so he didn’t idolize him, and he didn’t know her before the whole incident so he wasn’t taken aback by the sudden transformation of her personality. She felt like she could be herself around this not-quite-stranger-anymore.

“The worst part is,” she continued after clearing her throat, her eyes looking down to the piece of cloth on her hands, “I really liked him. He was so good looking, you know?” Marianne let out a dry laugh. “How stupid of me.”

“You were young. Don’t beat yourself up because of that,” the teenager looked up to the man still standing a few steps in front of her, the fading light of the sun bouncing on his angular face making shadows that made difficult the task of reading his expression. For a moment she thought that he sounded a bit sad.

“Not that young,” she sighed in defeat.

Another moment of silence fell on the Library, but this time there was a certain kind of tension radiating from Bog. She knew that there was something that he wanted to say and wondered what it would be about. He had tried to comfort her, but what was his real opinion about this? Was he going to treat her differently from now on? She hoped that he didn’t.

“It’s getting late,” he finally said, but something told her that it wasn’t what he had in mind. Marianne blinked as she realized that the light was almost completely gone and she couldn’t see what was in front of her.

“Yeah, I should be going home or Dawn is going to get worried.”

“I could give you a ride home,” Bog offered quickly, and if she could see his face she knew he would be slightly blushing. He wasn’t the type to initiate a socializing situation. “If you want to.” He added like in an afterthought.

“That… that would be great. Thanks.”

They both managed their way out of the Library and the forgotten books to be catalogued tomorrow. She waited in silence as he closed the door with his keys and followed him into the parking in equal silence. He still looked like he was thinking about something serious, and she could almost see the thoughts going back and forth behind his blue eyes framed by his small glasses. Curiosity burned the tip of her tongue, but she knew she was in no place to demand anything. She had opened her soul today but that didn’t mean that he had to do the same and share every thought and secret with her.

It was indeed a childish thought, so she did her best to shove it way back into her mind and focus on her reflection on the car window as she waited for him to unlock the car doors. Man, her face was a puffy red mess. She didn’t know how she was going to hide this from Dawn once she got home.

“Where to?” Bog asked once she seated beside him on shotgun and had fastened her seatbelt.

“It’s not far from here. Take me to Willow’s Park and I can walk.”

“I’m not going to make you walk alone at night,” he frowned without looking at her.

“Well…,” Marianne tried not to dwell on that fact that he wouldn’t look at her, “if you insist…”

She told him her address and he finally started the car, leaving the almost empty parking behind.

The ride wasn’t as quiet as the Library was, the soft murmur of the car engine and low music coming from the old stereo filling in for the conversation that wasn’t happening. Bog still looked like he wanted to tell her something, but so far no luck. She sighed when the familiar buildings of her street surrounded them.

“I…,” his voice startled her. Bog turned his eyes in her direction (finally!) and then looked back to the road even if they were going so slow that a man walking his dog was faster than them. “I…”

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, Bog,” Marianne dropped her nickname. “Really.”

He sighed.

“I know. But still you deserve a bit of sincerity. I guess?” it was almost cute seeing a grown man as nervous as Dawn the day of the Spring Ball.

“I appreciate the thought,” the car stopped in front of her house and the librarian killed the engine before leaning back on his seat and sighing deeply.

“I want to tell you before you find out by other people,” she smirked when he gave her an apologetic smile. Marianne shuffled on her seat and turned her body in his direction, silently telling him that she was listening. “I was told that I was too hideous to love. By a girl I loved. On my last year of high school.”

Marianne blinked in surprise at the, well, normal secret. She didn’t know what she was expecting but it wasn’t definitely this. A heartbreak? She could deal with that. But it was clear that this went further than that for him.

“What?” she deadpanned. “Tell me you didn’t believe her.”

“Well…. She didn’t actually had to say the words. I kind of understood it by the context.” he started to fidget with his fingers, not really looking at her.

Marianne snorted.

“Then maybe you should have stayed to hear what she really wanted to say. You are not hideous, Bog.”

It was his time to snort.

“Tell that to my “dear” classmates back in high school,” he grumbled and fixed his eyes in some point outside of the car. Marianne sighed. This was just the tip of the iceberg, she was sure of it. This man oozed low self-esteem and image issues. But she couldn’t do more than hear him when he needed someone to talk to.

“Teenagers are cruel and stupid and full of crap. Believe me, I’m one of those,” she put her left hand on his right one, which was now clenched in a fist on his leg. “Don’t believe any word they say because they usually are driven by a strong need to belong, like sheeps in a herd. If someone decided to target you, everyone would follow even if they don’t agree with it.”

“Suddenly I feel like you are the adult in this car,” Bog snickered.

“Nah, I just had to suffer herd mentality the last few years. Rationalizing it helps me when I don’t want to go to school.”

“Aren’t you a brave little thing?” he smiled when she blushed at his comment.

“I’m not going to comfort you anymore, idiot,” she huffed and looked elsewhere, provoking a laugh on the man by her side. She finally caved in and joined him in the laughing, the mood between them finally easing into something more of the usual.

A car honking brought them out of their little bubble, making them realize that she should really go home and he should move the car before someone called the police for blocking the road. At this hour there weren’t many cars but better safe than sorry.

It was then when both realized that Marianne still had one hand on him. The girl blinked and withdrew it so fast that it became a blur, her heart going at full speed. She hoped that he wouldn’t think anything bad about her, like she was some kind of creep. Marianne didn’t risk it and turned to open the door as fast as she could, blurting out a goodbye and a thanks before rushing to the door of her house, disappearing behind it when she managed to open it.

If she had turned and looked inside the car she would have seen a blushing Bog looking at his right hand, his bony cheeks painted a soft shade of pink.

***

That night, sleep evaded the librarian. He kept thinking back to the events of the day, from discovering the general opinion of the girl he was working with, to the impromptu heart to heart and the way that they easily swung back into their happy routine.

Bog couldn’t believe that he had told Marianne about what happened so many years ago. He hadn’t told anyone, not even his mother. But with Marianne, trusting her and confiding in her came easily. She was that kind of person, he guessed, people that radiated charisma and were reliable and capable of guarding a secret.

He wondered how she was like before all the stuff that happened to her. She didn’t seem to like her old self much and by what other teachers told him, she was a completely different person back then. Bog was sure that a experience like that changed anyone, no matter how strong you were.

He turned in his bed, restless as his thoughts went to darker places. He couldn’t imagine what she would have felt like when she discovered that the person she loved only wanted her body, and openly went to other women in places where people could see them. And then have all the whole school ganging up on her on a daily basis.

He scoffed. Marianne was right, teenagers were mindless sheep fighting for approval, eager to agree with the general opinion no matter how absurd it was. He was bullied for being too ugly, Marianne for being too pretty. Because they couldn’t pick on her appearance they made up stories about her, but that was the only difference to his situation.

None of them deserved her, he was sure of that. She was so brave and strong, capable of enduring all the rumours and the sideway glances with determination; she was passionate about the things she loved, like her sister and her music, and she was not scared to admit it out loud; she didn’t hesitate to make her opinion known even if it made anyone angry with her.

Bog looked once again at his hand, feeling the ghost of her touch where her fingers laid against his skin. Marianne didn’t hesitate today when she touched him or when she told him that it was stupid to think that he was too hideous to love. Even if it was a white lie, her golden eyes shone with the usual determination and stubbornness that drove her, and he appreciated it.

But still, he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her.

[hamliet]

In This Fading World: How Shipping Solves Everything (in TG)

aka hamliet’s ramblings about what the point of all the romance is in the manga

*before my inbox explodes, the title is facetious, please don’t send me hate*

I like ships. A lot. Usually I view them as fun for a series but only a few, if any, are like, central to the plot/themes. But in TG the romance is actually extremely relevant to the series’ themes, and despite the common assumption that TG isn’t a romance manga, it... kind of is in a lot of respects, because TG is about life, and what makes life worth it is connection, and all kinds of connections--family, friendship, and romance. (I might do other metas on the family and friendships in TG and how they convey certain themes too, just as powerfully as the romances, but this meta is specifically about romantic dynamics.)

TG honestly has a lot of romance (like the whole story started with a date) and is basically Ishida’s “shoujo with corpses.” Each canon/likely to be canon ship is at its core driven by loneliness answered with empathy, and each ship allegorizes the story’s main themes and the importance of solving the ghoul/human conflict the same way: through an alliance based in empathy and self-reflection. 

NB: there are some dynamics I consider subtextually romantic in TG that I won’t get into here, like Hsaiko (though Saiko’s feelings are not clarified) but since Hsiao and Saiko don’t have proper arcs it’s a little harder to extrapolate on whether or not they’re conveying a theme at this point.

I’m also not saying anyone has to ship these ships, or not ship certain obsessive ones I discuss (I ship several of those ones!), just simply explaining what I think Ishida is doing with them/why he included this dynamic in the story. 

Kuzen/Ukina, Kasuka/Kureo, Hikari/Arata: Tragedy and Repetition

I debated whether or not to include these but ultimately decided to because I think they best represent the world everyone needs to move away from.

Kasuka and Kureo and Hikari and Arata were both truly in love, yet Kasuka was killed in the conflict by Eto and Hikari by Arima--both of whom are children forced into this conflict from birth but who decided to create a new world. The people who want to create a new world literally kill Hikari and Kasuka, both of whom can’t escape the role they were cast into in the world. Kasuka has more choice as a human, but chooses to fight and dies for it, and Hikari was a “wild” ghoul in her youth and it eventually sent Arima after her even after she changed, because the old, tragic world is unforgiving. Both Kureo and Arata then lost themselves to grief and fought to protect what they had and were taken from their kids as a result. 

And Ukina and Kuzen show us that a relationship between ghoul and human was not possible so long as people keep to the rules of the old world, yet also suggests what might be possible if they break them.

We don’t know Ukina’s motivations--Eto seems to think she was simply motivated by her story, though Kuzen’s claims about what Ukina said to him cast doubt on this.Ukina empathized, and that drew him to her. But in the end he couldn’t break free of the cycle, and killed her, though she empathized again... maybe. 

But forgot her daughter, and Yoshimura too then abandoned Eto. You can’t nurture a new world if you abandon it no matter your motivations. All three of these love stories, however simple they are in the manga, are tragedies that the rest of our cast is trying to avoid. 

Touken: Humanity and Ghoulhood

Ah, the main ship, and a parallel of all ships in TG because everyone is a parallel to Kaneki (I'm not kidding. Everyone is). We begin with Touka and Kaneki refusing to empathize with each other. Kaneki calls her a monster. Kaneki is the living embodiment at this point of how humanity views ghouls: he draws them as monsters, but then Kaneki becomes one (because the monsters in TG are not ghouls nor humans; they are everyone and no one at the same time).

She tells him to go to hell when he has the nerve to ask her for help without any semblance of empathy. Because how can humanity dare ask ghouls for anything after what they’ve put them through?

Kaneki fears violence, but Touka uses violence to cope with her trauma, symbolic of how ghouls are forced to used violence to survive.. Kaneki is terrified of being abandoned, but Kaneki abandons people when he grows to fear them leaving him. That’s what drives humanity in fearing ghouls: losing the people they love (and their own lives, of course). Touka and Kaneki then both inflict these traumas on each other.

And yet throughout part one, they rescue each other. Why? Because both of them can't stand to see the world the way it is, and in each Touka refuses to accept that she couldn't do anything about Ryouko's death and turns into a murderer, in the process revealing to Kaneki just how little she values her life.

But Kaneki tells her even if she doesn't value her life, he does. And he helps her, even though he thinks it's wrong, because he empathizes. And when Kaneki can't let Nishiki and Kimi die, Touka shows up to help. But they can't be together in this terrible world. Like Ukina and Kuzen, they're separated by the selfishness of humans and ghouls and the entire conflict, a conflict that makes strength the only way to survive. They both just want to be with the people they love, because they’re scared of being alone. And Touka sees Kaneki's pain. She calls him on it, because she feels the same way, but she does it in the wrong way, and regrets it. Which is why it's so important when they reunite and she calls him on it again, but doesn't push him or force him.

It's also important that it was on Kaneki to come back and not on Touka to go to him. As a human (sort of) he's on the privileged side, and it's more on humans to make amends at this point because they're oppressing ghouls instead of seeking to talk to them. Kaneki can't ignore ghouls for humans (Haise) or humans for ghouls (OEKneki).

And when Kaneki and Touka get together, it's not perfect. Their relationship has codependent elements and they have communication issues because they are still both afraid of losing each other, of being alone. The human/ghoul alliance also has major communication issues and humans like Kaneki are still struggling to realize they aren’t better.

Touka doesn't want to lose Kaneki: hence, why she tells him she’s pregnant and doesn’t go to save Yoriko. Kaneki knows who she is; Yoriko doesn’t, because Touka’s afraid of being known just the same as Kaneki is.

And Kaneki doesn't want to lose Touka.

But Touka needs to learn to hold on a bit more now, because unlike before when Kaneki was Haise, this time he's married her. They've committed. And she does, digging him out. A ghoul saves Tokyo.

However, now that they’re reunited, they've got to communicate better, and trust each other more. They're having a baby. A life, as Yomo says, that gives him hope for the world. That's why we saw the fetus panel in 160.

If Kaneki died, there would be no future. If humanity dies, there is no future for ghouls, and same for ghouls with humans.

The baby represents new life (since the main theme is live, life=hope) directly from an alliance between ghoul and human (a marriage). But the baby who is both human and ghoul represents the fact that they have to overcome it, that they have a chance to break out of the cycle their parents perpetuated and that the word perpetuated. As the alliance overcomes their issues, so will Touken, I believe.

Akiramon and Seiaki: Justice and Sacrifice

To start with, it's impossible to discuss Akira and Amon’s relationship without Takizawa since he's an integral part of their relationship, and it’s impossible to discuss Seiaki without Amon, so I’m discussing them together. Through Akira and Amon, we see the CCG's two main sources of existence: traumatized orphans seeking to escape their legacies (Amon) and people seeking to honor their legacies (Akira). And then we have someone like Takizawa, who like Ui is neither and therefore an outlier of sorts, and hence is the one best able to have an honest perspective on the situation: it’s why he’s the most self-aware of the trio, though he has his own flaws.

Akira and Amon are both searching for justice, and specifically for answers. Takizawa from the beginning is a very stereotypical businessman, less about the noble aspects of the CCG. That’s why he’s the one who breaks down when facing the Owl Suppression Operation. He sees it for what it is and he doesn’t want to die.

Akira, in contrast, and Amon both believe the answer is to wipe out ghouls and therefore right the twisted world. Their idea of justice is black and white; there's right and wrong, and they want desperately to be on the right side of it. So they don't consider their place or role in the world. They are like Kaneki before the Steel Beam Incident, content to consider themselves separate from ghouls, yet unlike Kaneki they both choose to be a part of the conflict.

We also see the idea of sacrifice as it ties into justice in their relationship, and with their relationship with Seidou. Seidou is willing to sacrifice himself to save Amon--for Akira. Except both he and Amon wind up captured and tortured, and Akira believes them dead, and winds up alone. And then Akira sacrifices herself for Seidou, and Amon sacrifices himself for both of them, and Seidou sacrifices himself for both of them.

It's. A sacrificial cycle lol. But Amon himself said what he thought of redemptive death, because really they are all seeking redemption--Akira for not stopping Seidou, Seidou for what he did as a ghoul, Amon for Donato: it's trash.

Sacrifice is not justice. Justice is not served by looking outwards; it's served by looking at yourself.

Their refusal to consider themselves as part of the problem is brought to the forefront when Touka talks to Akira and makes her hug it out with Hinami. The thing is, I don't like this scene in many ways because I think it was disrespectful to Hinami, but like all things in TG it's gray, so there is good in it too, and basically it's that Touka was asking Akira to see herself in Hinami. The need to examine yourself is also tied to empathy, because it asks you to step into someone else's shoes and see yourself there.  An orphan who just wanted her parents, like Touka, like Amon. What is justice, then, if it just leaves hurting children, no matter what they are? As Akira says, whom should I be hating, then?

Akira and Amon both struggle with this, and they see that in each other and know that the other one understands this struggle. They empathize with each other, standing by each other’s side.

It's convenient that Akira and Amon then get to disappear from the narrative while Touka and Kaneki get hunted by the CCG, because they've always represented the human privilege in parallel to the ghoul symbol of Touken. But everyone who's been ignoring the ghoul problem--like, everyone in Tokyo--is then called on it by Dragon, and they have to go back to the CCG and face what they tried to ignore. The fact that they forgot what justice was.

And again, it's gray, because it can also be seen as them returning to cling to their past safety, but Donato sees that that is shattered. And Amon faces him, and needs to realize that it's not the answer he's been seeking--no matter what his past is, he is the one who needs to examine himself to create justice. He needs to be honest with himself. And Akira needs to be honest with herself, and that includes taking this advice from Touka here:

And give those quinques back to Hinami, to allow her to mourn for her father as Akira mourns for hers.

Ayahina: Child Soldiers and Traumatized Orphans

Ah, our sweet lost children. One of TG's main themes has always been how children suffer the most in any conflict. We see that through how almost every child in the series pays for their parents' mistakes (Kaneki's mom taking out her anguish on him, Eto's abandonment, etc.), the Sunlit Garden, the Oggai. And then we have two sets of parents who love their kids: the Fueguchis and the Kirishimas, but neither are allowed to raise their children because the CCG hunts them down and murders/captures them. Both Ryouko and Hikari sacrifice themselves for their children.  

Both Ayato and Hinami are traumatized orphans and child soldiers, but Hinami is initially presented as the former more so than the latter, and vice versa for Ayato. Hinami and Ayato both foil Touka in how they cope with trauma--Hinami grieves, but she isn’t allowed to grieve properly; Ayato is angry right from the beginning because no one allows him to grieve. Eventually both take a similar path in joining Aogiri both with the intentions of protecting the people they love. And it’s no coincidence the entire conflict is run on a diet of child soldiers in the Sunlit Garden. The conflict depends on hurting orphans like the Yasuhisas and Amon to populate the CCG and the soldiers created in the Sunlit Garden. And by creating orphans on the other (ghoul) side, they fuel the conflict on the other side as well, driving Hinami to join Aogiri as well as Ayato.

But the conflict doesn’t have to continue, as Ayato and Hinami’s relationship shows us. They both did terrible things as members of Aogiri, as it’s a terrorist organization after all, but they found a way out, and it wasn’t through learning to protect everyone and it wasn’t through fighting on their strength. It was through empathizing with each other.

Instead of fearing him as her superior, Hinami sees him for more than just a soldier. She sees him as someone with a sister (whom he’s desperately trying to protect in his own edgelord way). And so Ayato, who’s largely isolated himself from people who care about him, grows to empathize with her as well. They express the emotions the other cannot.

How can the world answer the wrong it’s done both of them? It can’t, not really. But they can find a way to live with each other.

The answer isn’t in Hinami hugging the daughter of her parents’ murderer; it’s in allowing her to mourn, and in empathizing with her loneliness. Which Ayato understands. He can’t fix her problems, he can’t fix what’s going on with Akira, but he can be there for her because he understands her pain. Even if the world never figures it out, they will have each other, and they can have hope in that.

However, that’s not enough, because the world keeps interfering in Hinami and Ayato’s relationship. Hinami almost dies sacrificing herself for other children against other children.

Because the cycle is going to repeat and repeat and repeat until someone says No. That’s why while Kaneki’s return was Bad for his personal development, it was good thematically, because someone was saying no to this child dying. That’s why Ayato is not going to get to sacrifice himself fighting kagune gremlins, either.

They find hope and comfort through their empathy for each other, but the world needs to be fixed in order for Hinami and Ayato to find peace.

Mutsurie: Duty and Compassion

Now let me talk about my favorite ship, Mutsurie. It parallels Touken ('I don't care if you die' instead of 'I don't want you to die' lol) and Ayahina ('let's go home' and plans to save bae from death in Cochlea/Rushima) explicitly in terms of structure, but also brings elements of Akiramon and Ayahina's themes. Mutsuki is a traumatized, exploited child turned into a child soldier like Amon, Ayato, and Hinami. Urie has a CCG legacy like Akira and prioritizes his job above anyone around him, shutting himself off and becoming cold. The first notion we have of what Urie thinks of Mutsuki is this:

A hypocrite. Worthless. Because that's what the CCG thinks of Mutsuki as well, as we see when Matsuri then orders Mutsuki to go on a death mission and Tokage warns Sasaki about him. Mutsuki is worthless, because he has mental health problems and because he is physically weak. The irony is Urie is projecting onto Mutsuki his worst fear about himself: that he is worthless, not enough for his father to come home to.

That he is a hypocrite, because deep down he knows none of this CCG promotion strength stuff will make him happy. But Urie refuses to acknowledge this and projects it onto Mutsuki and Shirazu.

But the ship all starts in chapter 29. That's where Urie fails. He's following exactly what Matsuri wanted him to do, and he gets in huge trouble because he simply isn't strong enough. He loses control, and he lashes out at Mutsuki, at the CCG's weak reality. But instead of lashing out back at him, even though Urie endangered him for selfish gain, even though Urie hurt him by punching through Mutsuki's stomach, Mutsuki reaches for him. Mutsuki tells him he is not alone. Mutsuki empathizes, the thing Urie refused to do with Mutsuki earlier though he knew inside that they were the same.

And that's the answer for the entire series, isn't it? Empathy. It's not perfect--Mutsuki is behaving like an abuse victim in many respects because he wants the pain to stop, but the thing is, Urie does stop. Urie does change in how he treats Mutsuki from there on out, going to protect him from Hakatori, worrying about him on Rushima, etc.

Mutsuki does not want revenge on Urie for punching him because he understands him--in Urie's pain, he sees his own, and that's the answer for humans and ghouls and their personal relationships between each other as well. For example, if we get a Mutsuki-Touka talk, it'd probably be similar in that Mutsuki and Touka both fear abandonment, and can understand that in each other.

Later on, Mutsuki and Urie reverse their arcs just like how Kaneki clung to strength at the end of the first TG like Touka did at the beginning.. Mutsuki clings to the CCG, but his trauma is only growing worse the stronger he gets in the CCG. To the point where the difference between himself and a ghoul is no longer evident, even in what he eats.

And the more Urie's trauma with his father repeats, the more unable to succeed he becomes: at work, and in everything. Symbolically, Mutsuki and Urie embody the alliance as well. The alliance is bound to an extent by ignoring wrongs, and there is good and bad in there. Urie blinds himself to Mutsuki's faults (like Mutsuki didn't acknowledge what Urie had done to him) and that leads to their issues boiling up and boiling over because issues have to be addressed, not swept under the rug. But what made the difference for Urie initially was that he took the lesson, and changed. Mutsuki is now showing that he, too, has changed. And that's what the CCG needs to do: change. Accept that they hurt ghouls, and ghouls need to do likewise, and change. But no change comes unless there is empathy.

Mutsurie having a proper resolution would include a conversation, and also leaving the CCG I believe since the CCG is limiting Urie's growth. They both need to leave in order to heal like the traumatized children they are.

Nishikimi: Desperation and a Holdfast

Nishiki and Kimi were introduced together and have always really shared an arc. Their entire relationship is blatantly about loneliness and empathy.

It's interesting to me how they go to such opposite, and both wrong, extremes post Anteiku Raid. Nishiki dumps Kimi, ostensibly to protect her, but when he hears she's working with Kanou he decides to search for her. Dude, you shouldn't have waited. If you wanted to be with her, regardless of the dangers, that was her decision to make, not yours for her. And Kimi goes too far in the other direction, committing atrocities for the sake of creating a world where she can live with Nishiki. They are both desperate people, as we see from their introduction:

The only thing they've had to cling to is the other, and that the other understands their loneliness. Kimi’s attempts to fix the world have brought more loneliness and pain into it, and exploited the loneliness of the Oggai orphans like Hajime. Nishiki’s attempts to avoid the conflict brought more loneliness to Kimi, driving her to do what she did.

Maybe working together, they can make a better world.

Yoriomi: Ignorance and Memories

I’ve jokingly called this a plot device more than a ship before but @aspoonofsugar wrote a great analysis of how Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship contrasts Mutsurie, Touken, Akiramon, and Ayahina here. It is symbolic of how humans have a relatively easy time fitting in in society, in contrast to Kaneki and Touka, and also Urie and Mutsuki, even in terms of gender roles.

But like the entirety of Tokyo ignored the ghoul problem until Dragon erupted from below them, Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship is not perfect and is founded in memories (childhood classmates) and what’s expected of them. They can’t escape the conflict, though, because Takeomi is a voluntary part of the CCG and even though Urie hates them for the fact that Takeomi’s father is still alive and he seemingly has it all as the perfect human, consequences start to hit Yoriko and Takeomi. Yoriko’s friendship gets her arrested and sentenced to die, and Takeomi loses his father.

Neither of them are major characters, and that’s why I find Mutsuki’s jealousy of Touka (that he projects onto Yoriko) and Urie’s jealousy of Takeomi a more interesting way of looking at their relationship. Yoriko even realizes how little she empathized with her friend, not realizing she was a ghoul, and empathizes now when she can’t even see Touka:

Takeomi still does not get it. He doesn’t understand Urie hated him for years, and to an extent, that belief in his friends parallels him to Yoriko, but it’s ignorance. He doesn’t get he helped create the culture that sentenced Yoriko to death. But he does do the right thing and springs her from prison, but returns to the CCG to fight. In the end, I would like Takeomi to empathize with Urie since they’ve both lost their fathers now and he can now understand the loneliness eating Urie, and I’d like him to empathize even with Urie’s love for Mutsuki because he’s going to have to face Yoriko’s platonic love for Touka soon. Now Takeomi will have to face someone who’s personally hurt him/tried to take away people he loved, and I hope he gives Urie encouragement even if he doesn’t ever forgive Mutsuki.

Utaren: Hope and Despair

Uta and Yomo's relationship is subtextual but it's definitely there so I'm including it 'cause I can. Their relationship was first categorized by anger and by a desire to be strong with each other. Firstly they used their strengths to fight each other, then united them in the hopes of taking down Arima for Renji's sake, and then Yomo left when his strength got him almost killed by Arima. The fact that they were equal in strength is not to be dismissed; it’s symbolic of how they see themselves in each other, of how they can relate.

But they also suffer from terrible communication issues, and Yomo isn’t able to understand Uta beyond the physical strength aspect. Uta didn't understand Yomo’s hope, how the world could be different, partially because Yomo completely failed to communicate to both Uta and Itori what it was about Anteiku, about ghouls and humans--and I think the reason for Yomo’s failed communication is because he was still clinging to the idea of living while losing. If Yomo can only find hope through watching others' happiness (Touken) then Uta can only find it when watching others' despair.

But don't they both deserve some happiness themselves? Yomo doesn't understand Uta, but he wants to live with him anyways. He wants to connect, because that makes them feel alive. I have hope they will learn to empathize with each other. Even if you can’t understand, living with each other, perhaps you can connect, perhaps that initial spark of empathy through even just physical strength can grow.

After all, they’ve saved each other.

Yomo was wrong, as he says now. There are things worth holding into, and he's starting to learn that. And Uta was wrong. He can't not live with Yomo and not live without him. He has to live with him. He couldn't, after all, let Yomo die, no matter how fun it might have been, and yet Yomo counters his exact worldview that life is despair. Like Nishikimi, they offer each other something to hold onto, and slowly, I would hope, that would mean branching out to get to connect with others as well.

Uihai: Lies and Comfort

Ui loves Hairu, but she's a mirage--or is she? Her personality is entirely hers, as far as we know. But she represents the Sunlit Garden, being the first character to introduce it to us. And Ui, being Ui (an Amon and Urie foil) is so focused on The Mission and justice it disrupts him showing his feelings to her, and his actions and assignments lead to her death.  

Good job Ui. -__- And Hairu is the opposite. Her desperate desire for love and praise is what drives her to get herself killed:

Of course Hairu didn’t know Ui cared about her, and she was appreciated. Why would she? Ui never told her. And the thing about Ui is that after her death, he’s been unable to break out of his own pride, which keeps him trapped in loneliness. We see it here, when he cries:

Hairu is less of a lie than Ui is. Having people around convinced him that everything was fine, that he didn’t need to examine himself, but when they’re stripped away, he loses himself.

He sees no need for justice when he might just be able to get Hairu back, because he misses her, he misses closeness, because that’s what Ui craves. He doesn’t want to be known because like Kaneki, Amon, and more he uses the idea of being Just to justify the fact that he exists and deserves to be known, and yet paradoxically all he wants is for someone to be with him, for comfort.

Ui’s slowly starting to learn that justice may not quite be what he thought, but I’m not sure he entirely gets it.

Is she still Hairu to Ui, if she's only half-human, if he’s faced with the fact that justice was all a lie and he was never just? That's the question the manga still has to answer. He can’t truly empathize with her until he knows who she truly is, until he knows what the CCG is. That’s why it would make so much symbolic sense for Hairu to be ET, for Ui to realize that he was not fighting against the “other” of ghouls the entire time: he was fighting against people worthy of love. He was fighting against himself. And Hairu who was always fighting against her own kind, what with her virulent hatred of ghouls:

...despite being a ghoul herself--well, it’d be fitting for her to be turned into the very Beast she comforted Ui after his fight with in the first manga.

And that’s why I would like to see a moment for Uihai in that, wherein Hairu sees she is loved, and Ui sees that he is accepted even by a half-human he fought against.

Nakimiza: Nostalgia and Freedom

Nakimiza is a ship I’m still bitter about how it ended so bear with me. The themes of nostalgia and freedom from that nostalgia are Everywhere in the manga. Like, everywhere. Nostalgia is understood, but dangerous, and clinging to it prevents the conflict from ever being solved.

Naki is a very caring individual, but he doesn’t seem to get how much Miza cares about him, because he’s focused on Yamori, even when he’s saving her.

They’re both leaders of various ghoul gangs, and they care about each other and understand each other (at least, Miza understands him), and Miza expressly has feelings for him. But Naki never gets to overcome his nostalgia. It kills him instead. It kills him, ironically, as he’s idolizing Yamori, despite the fact that he’s fighting to save the Aogiri kids:

When Yamori killed an Aogiri child. But Miza after his death shows that she wants to move on from nostalgia, that she still can continue:

That’s why I think Miza will find happiness, but I’m still heartbroken.

Shuuneki, Tsukikana, Hairima, and Mutsuneki: Obsession and Mirages

And now, let’s discuss the ships that also are one-sided canon, but that I think unlike the other ships listed above, do not balance each other out and were obsessions because they focus more on an idea of who the person is, on what the person represents to them, rather than whom the person actually is (there’s definitely idolizing going on in every single ship I discussed above too, but I think these ships are more… it was not going to work out, let’s just say that).

What do all these ships have in common? They’re one-sided and extremely unhealthy, and you could add Hinakane to it too because though I don’t think that one has a romantic element to it there’s still something not healthy there.

For Karren, Hairu, and Mutsuki, the reason they loved their respective crushes was because, well, they showed them the kindness as a child no one else did. (Kaneki called the Qs his kids; it counts.)

Rather than true empathy, there’s idolization and an encouragement of bad behaviors thanks to a lack of equal connection and communication, amplified by a power dynamic that sets these ships apart from the other ships even if the previously discussed ships have at times encouraged each other’s flaws too. Hairu aspires to be like Arima, her mentor and very likely her relative--by killing and is killed for it. Shuu is a master to Karren, and she dies serving him--though beautifully, he empathizes with her in the end and shows he values her life.

Kaneki is a king and a boss to Shuu, and he’s forgotten his family following him--though I do believe Shuu’s love of Kaneki is moving in a more healthy direction having planned Touken’s wedding for them, as he’s no longer desperate to keep Kaneki all to himself--but while it was romantic it was completely unhealthy.

Kaneki is a father to Mutsuki, and Mutsuki became like him in abandoning the Qs pursuing him.

(Notably other ships like Uihai and Ayahina wherein Ui and Ayato were respectively above Hairu and Hinami in work, the power difference is not present, which we see in how Ui allows Hairu to call him Koori and Ayato and Hinami are equals in every sense.) 

So what’s Ishida saying with this? The human-ghoul conflict is not ever going to be solved by people staying in their lane, nor is it going to be solved by people idolizing the other (and we see a lot of humans wishing they had the strength of ghouls and ghouls wishing they had that privileges of humans) or sweeping issues under the bridge. You can’t write the wrongs of the past if, like Kaneki, you fail to communicate to your children, or if you are too afraid to directly counter the system like Arima, or if like Shuu you pretend it never happened. The reason these obsessions all lead to death and destruction is because of this lack of communication. Connecting is vital to creating a new world.

Fururize: Obsession and Control

Ah, the Disaster Ship that started this whole manga. But it parallels all these other ships, too. It’s obsessive, so it parallels the unhealthy one-sided ones I mentioned, but it also foils the canon/likely-to-be-canon ones even though Fururize won’t ever be canon except one-sided. The reasons why Furuta and Rize have thus far not had a chance at happiness is because neither of them is capable of empathizing.

And how could they? As Rize says, as Furuta says, they were created to be used, and unlike Hairu, never had a chance. It’s really not surprising Rize uses Furuta to escape. She’d only seen people be created to be used as breeders or as soldiers.

Furuta then uses everyone around him. He tells Kaneki he was just a pawn in his game. Even Rize doesn’t show much care for Shachi despite the fact that he loves her and is a Good Dad, and it’s Shachi’s love for Rize that gives me a smidgeon of hope for her, because Shachi is honestly the best dad in the series and that should be rewarded, I would hope.

Rize uses pleasure to distract herself from ever feeling lonely, and whether she does or not, we don’t know. But we know Furuta feels lonely. He’s consumed by it, by how alone he’s been since his birth.

Eto points out he doesn’t get to call his father, father. He’s furious that Rize can be with other people instead of wanting to be with him. He’s destroying himself with his own loneliness (like Kaneki), and the world around him (unlike Kaneki), because he’s so lonely, and can’t empathize.

That’s why, before the ending, I really, really, really want to see Kaneki show Furuta some compassion, and think it would be fitting for both their arcs.

[peachymilkis]

NURSE!JIN HOGWARTS AU

- fluff with the tiniest teeny tinest amount of angst

- roughly 2.5K words

-pls enjoy

this is my first one and im starting with ma boy jin cuz im going in age order

pls don’t judge me im new to bullet scenarios

anyway lets get on with it

okay so basically kim seokjin was a star gryffindor whilst he was in hogwarts

perfect grades

head prefect

everyone loved him

and he loved his school

he was always interested in nursing

mostly because his six best friends always ended up in madam pomfreys hospital wing thanks to their rambunctious adventures

so after graduating and two years of training seokjin went on to become a nurse at hogwarts

madam pomfrey absolutely adored him

one day after tending to a first year ravenclaw had accidentally fallen off of their broom and sprained their ankle madam pomfrey called seokjin to her office

“is something the matter?” the young man asked the head nurse in a questioning tone

He was rarely ever called to her office so he became worried if he had accidentally done something wrong

“you know, my dear boy, im just getting too old for this job. i think its time for me to retire.”

seokjins facial features visibly sulked

“no what do you mean? whos gonna be head nurse now? nobodys better than you! youre the best nurse in all of wizarding history you cant just leave!”

poor boy pleaded with his heart

madam pomfrey had become like a mother to him so it did make her sad to leave but the poor thing was too tired to go on

“actually that’s what I want to talk to you about. I really would like it if you became the head nurse”

ma boys jaw dropped to the floor

“me? head nurse?”

what?????

“yes you!”

and like that seokjin was appointed as the new head nurse of hogwarts

news spread like a wildfire all over the school

of course how could it not spread when every student was head over heels with the beautiful wizard

so much so that students would feign injuries just for the chance to be up close and personal with him

now this is where you come in

you were in your final year at hogwarts

ready to graduate and get out of there to get on with your life

obviously you too have heard of the ethereal nurse and the news of him becoming head nurse

you were only two years younger than him so you had had him in a few of your classes when he was still a student himself

you seldom spoke with im but you spoke with him enough to know how naturally flirty he is without even trying

when you two were paired he would always manage to send you a wink or blow you a kiss

you always thought he was weird but that may or may not have been you denying the fluttering of your heart every time he did that

then again you saw it do it to his friends all the time so you quickly got rid of any feelings you may have felt for him

when he graduated you thought that you finally wouldn’t have to deal with seeing with him

even though it did make you a little sad to see him go

but HA you were so wrong

you would sometimes catch him in the hallways

one time he looked back at you and you could’ve sworn he sent you a little eye wink

you quickly walked away and dismissed the thought

one day your in the great hall eating breakfast with you best friend

fifth year ravenclaw jeon jungkook

he also happened to be one of the six best friends of kim seokjin that were earlier mentioned

“i swear i thought he winked at me earlier but its so absurd so im sure im seeing things now.”

you exclaimed to the ravenclaw

he looked at you with this knowing look that you were completely oblivious to

“who knows y/n maybe he likes you or something”

you felt a blush creeping up your neck

“yea right. even if he did wink at me, he winks and blows kisses at other people all the time.”

you scoffed

theres no way he would ever have feelings for you

but the thought still lingered in your mind

Jungkook managed to notice the blush creeping onto your cheeks and smirked

your best friend may or may not have started plotting something

a few days later whilst you and jungkook were walking to lunch

two oddly cheery six years named park jimin and kin taehyung ran towards you two

“y/n jungkook we have to visit hagrid right now!”

jimin grabbed onto your arm and like that all of you ran off to visit hagrids little hut

you were confused but knew better to question the hyper boys who also happened to be your best friends

taehyung knocked hard on hagrids door until hagrid finally opened it

“ey slow down there buddy.”

“hagrid we heard you got a pet dragon!” the hyper hufflepuff yelled

hagrid quickly shushed him and pushed us all inside his hut

“who now told you? it was meant to be a secret!”

“i found out actually! i caught you at diagon alley

said jimin the proud slytherin

hagrid let out of sigh of relief

“at least it was only you who saw.”

“can we see him!?” jungkook asked excitedly

“oh why not?”

hagrid gave in after seeing four puppy faces staring back at him with hope in their eyes

he took out his baby pet dragon

you reached out to pet it but guess what

he got scared and bit you

you yelped and brought your pointer finger to your chest

you looked at the bite mark

“y/n are you okay!?”

“oh no what do we do!?”

“bad Herbert!”

the voices started fading away

oh no youre fainting

well fuck

everything went black

now back to ma boy seokjin

he was having a pretty calm day

no one was in the hospital wing at the moment

but then all of a sudden in come running three male students along with a hagrid and a girl in his arms

“jin hyung we need help ASAP!”

“hyung y/n fainted after being bitten by a baby dragon!”

at the sound of your named jin quickly got to work

“lay her down here ill take care of the rest.”

you pushed everyone out of the hospital wing and focused on getting you all better

a few hours later you opened your eyes

you looked around and realized you were in the hospital wing

you remembered what happened before fainting

“damn Herbert.” you muttered to yourself

you heard a chuckle causing you to jump out of shock

you looked over and realized that you were not alone in the room

jin had actually been sitting on the chair beside the bed

no he hadn’t been watching you while you were sleeping

what???

that would be totally preposterous

lmao he was totally watching you

for a good hour

not in a creepy way tho

your cheeks reddened when you realized how close he was so you quickly sat up

“are you feeling better y/n?”

you nodded still not making eye contact with him

“yeah kind of. my finger still really hurts though.”

jin nodded and got up from his seat

“well the good news is that i managed to get the venom out of your finger. the bad news is you cant do anything with that hand and i have to make sure its all good so you have to stay here for at least three days to recover.”

THREE DAYS?!?!

“what!? three days!?”

theres no way you would survive being alone with jin for the next three days

may i also include that it is friday and those days there are rarely any students that come for injuries

jin laughed this weird windshield wiper laugh that you found oddly cute

“is it that bad spending three days with me?”

YES

“no its just.. you know, it’s the weekend and all..”

you quickly made up a lie

“don’t worry y/n. i will make the next three days as fun as possible for you.”

he gave you this smile with a cheeky little wink that had your heart pounding against you chest

oh lord were you in for a treat

day 1

you were awoken to an entire cart of candy beside you

“mister kim what is all this?”

“ew mister kim sounds weird just call me jin.”

“but anyway. these candies were sent to you from jimin, taehyung, jungkook, and me!”

a big UWU

you smiled happily and excitedly

“aw my best friends are so swee- wait you too?”

jin chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck

damn he looked good

wait what

“well yea, theyre my best friends too so basically that makes us best friends by assotciation!”

another big UWU

your cheeks reddened and you let out a shy smile

“well thank you.”

jins nervous smile quickly transformed into a relieved smile and he started walking away

you don’t know what came over you but

“would you like to join me? these are too many for me to eat on my own and i don’t really like eating by myself. i could use the company.”

you stared at him hopeful

his heart started pounding with delight

“yes of course!”

and basically the rest of the day was spent with you two talking and getting to know each other and eating all the delicious and mysterious snacks that were gifted to you

day 2

jin had woken up extra early with a happier smile and a skip to his step

he walked into the hospital wing and saw you still fast asleep

he walked over to you and brought the blanket over your shoulder as it was a little chillier today

he watched over you for another few minutes with a fond smile on his face before getting back to work

you had been awake for a bit before jin walked in but you freaked out so you pretended to be asleep

so basically you witnessed what happened

your face was so red it’s a surprise jin didn’t notice lol

you wondered throughout the day why your evil best friends hadn’t even bothered to visit you

you definitely didn’t start planning a kill list

later that day you really needed to pee so you got up to go to the bathroom

you started turning the corner when

BAM!

smack dab into jins chest

his first reaction was to gab you before you fell back

so basically you were against his chest with his strong arms holding you tightly to his body

you both stayed like that for a few seconds before you both made eye contact

quickly you both jumped back and started coughing awkwardly and looking anywhere but at each other

“i uh, gotta pee bye!”

you ran to the bathroom faster than a snitch

you slammed your back against the stall door and clutched onto your chest where your heart is

jin stayed still as a rock after you ran off

his face was stuck with the biggest grin that not even any medicine or potion could wipe off

he could still feel your body against his

you could still feel his body wrapped around yours

it felt right

obviously you pushed your feelings back

you fervently avoided jin for the rest of the day

it wasn’t easy but you managed

jin on the other hand wanted to talk to you so badly

he realized he would give you your space though

neither of you could sleep that night

day 3

jin managed to get a good three hours of sleep that night

he would’ve slept in lowkey if he wasn’t determined to talk to you

you on the other hand ended up falling asleep at around 7 in the morning

jin practically ran into the hospital wing at 8 in the morning to find you still sleeping

you ended up sleeping until 3 in the afternoon

you were awoken by jin when he was checking in on your finger

immediately you sat up

you looked up at jin and immediately regretted it

both of you froze again

jin looking down at you with his hand around your tiny wrist

you, sat up on the bed staring into his eyes that were basically traps

your faces were mere inches apart

“y/n”

the way he said that had chills running down your spine

it was just so breathy and his voice was lowered and it was just uGH

you then coughed and immediately looked away

jin sighed and slowly reached his hand under your chin

he carefully and cautiously turned your face to him

without a word he delicately planted his lips onto yours

your eyes opened wide as his closed into the kiss

after a second or two your eyes closed as well and you reciprocated the kiss

he pulled away and looked into your eyes

“y/n i have to tell you something.”

you were still in shock of the kiss but his sentenced immediately brought you back

you turned your face and coughed, trying to remember how to breathe cuz apparently you forgot

“y-yeah what is it?”

you tried sounding as normal as possible

you failed

“i like you.”

your jaw dropped

“huh?”

“i know its really sudden but i really like you and i have for the past four years.”

“wait what? am i being pranked? theres no way. you were always so popular and come on you were a Gryffindor and you were always so flirty with everyone and-“

jin cut you off by laughing

you stared at him dumbfounded

“why are you laughing!?”

“y/n i was never flirty with anyone that wasn’t you, or my six other best friends, who are all male. i know you never noticed but i loved sending you winks and kissy faces because seeing your face redden and run away was just so cute. but i never confessed while i was still a student here. i was a coward.”

you finally eased and let out a chuckle yourself

“wow a cowardly gryffindor. who would’ve thought.”

jin let out a laugh as well and scratched the back of his neck

a nervous habit of his, you’ve noticed

“anyway, is there any way you could give this coward a chance as your boyfriend?”

your heart was beating hard as you smiled shyly

“after you let go of my wrist though.”

jin looked down and realized he had been holding on the your wrist this entire time

he blushed and let go

“oops.”

what a cutie!!

“wait im getting a chance!?”

you nodded and he smushed you in between his arms

once again

it felt right

you were both startled when you heard the doors slam open and in come three boys clapping and holding a big cake that read

‘CONGRATULATIONS ON FINALLY DATING (took you long enough)’

which resulted in jin letting go of the hug and chasing after them

as jin was chasing taehyung and jimin, jungkook ran over to you and gave you a big hug

“so i see my plan worked!”

you pushed him off of you and glared at him

“what plan?”

“my plan to get you into the hospital wing ofc!”

“so you all got me bit by a baby dragon!?!”

oops

and with that jungkook runs away as well

“JEON JUNGKOOK COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!”

and like that had your life become even more eventful

ughhhhh idk how i feel about this but pls give me some feedback and  might post a namjoon one next depending on how i feel lol thanks for reading

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Chapter 9 

Summary:  A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn't stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Y/N your Name

Word Count:  1415

Warnings: none

A/N: Sorry for the late update. This is more like a filler chapter, with the next one, the main part of the story will start, so we are working ourselves into the plot now! I hope you still like this little short update. :)

Chapter 1  •  Chapter 2  •  Chapter 3  •  Chapter 4  •  Chapter 5  •  Chapter 6  •  Chapter 7  •  Chapter 8 Chapter 10

A few days have passed since Tom had left the country and you were sitting on your sofa, home alone, staring at the little rectangular device on your table. You knew, he was busy filming this new film he had mentioned before during one of your conversations. It excited you a lot, thinking about it but there was also this weird longing inside you. A little twitch in your chest, that always appeared when you thought about Montreal and how far it was away from London. How far away he was. You grabbed your phone and opened the messenger, typing in a quick message for Tom.

You: How’s Montreal?

Once you pressed the send button, you stared a little while on the screen until it automatically turned black. A frustrated groan escaped your lips as you threw yourself backwards on the sofa. It was late in London so it must've been sometime after Lunch in Canada. Maybe Tom had a little break or day off, who knew but you hoped for an answer soon.

It felt like ages and it was close to midnight when your smartphone vibrated and indicated a new message. Tired and a little groggy you got hold of the device and checked out the message, that was shown on the screen. You sighed and rubbed your eyes from the bright light that was irritating your them before you got to read the message.

The Spiderman: Really loving it so far. How have you been?

You: Glad to hear! I’m tired.  And drowning in paperwork. I’d love to burn down my office at some point.

That was true. Work has been very exhausting the past few days and you had to work overtime most days. It was good on one side because it made you think less about Tom. On the other it still didn't matter because even if you had one single thought about him, you knew you missed him. A lot. It was too early to admit though, so you kept quiet about it and tried to avoid this topic at any cost.

The Spiderman: Someone needs holidays

You: not affordable lol

The Spiderman: You can have Tessa. She’s a great Stress relief and that's basically like holidays too :)

Did he really just write that? Did Thomas Stanley Holland offer you to have his dog for stress relief? You sat up in your bed as your re-read the message out loud. You weren't imagining this message but yet you still repeated what he wrote, just in case there could be a misunderstanding.

You: You'd actually allow me to have Tess? Like for real?

The Spiderman: I saw you two together. I trust you with her.

You: You're crazy!

The Spiderman: Well, I tried to help

It seemed that he really meant it but you didn't feel comfortable, having a dog in your apartment that you only met once. It was also unclear if there were dogs allowed on this property anyway, you needed to check that out for sure.

You: If my stress level rises even more, I’ll get back at your offer

The Spiderman: Sure thing! Any Plans tonight?

You laughed at his question as you made yourself comfortable on your bed once again.

You: Nah, just staying in, binge watching Stranger Things

‘And thinking about you’, you thought, but didn't write. It was awful how fast this boy had you curled around his finger even though you tried to tell yourself, that it needed to develop slowly. That was definitely the opposite of careful and slow but whenever you talked to him, you couldn't care less.

The Spiderman: Sounds fun. I’d love to join

And there it was again. The little attempt of Tom flirting with you.

You: I don't think you'd enjoy watching with me

The Spiderman: aww don't say that. I bet I would!

You: I’ll let you try it once

The Spiderman: Promise?

You: Promise.

And after that, you fell asleep peacefully in your sheets, the TV still on in the background.

The Spiderman: I’m bored. Entertain me

You were surprised when you heard your phone buzz as Toms message appeared on the Screen. You didn't expect him to message you so quick after the other night, since its only been a couple of days. Of course your exchange of messages got less than in the beginning but that was only because the two of you were busy working and the time difference didnt make it easy on you either.

You: Got nothing to do?

You messaged back, as you got into the train that’d take you back home from work.

The Spiderman: Sitting around and getting makeup done

You: lol your ugly ass needs makeup

You imagined Tom sitting still in a chair with a woman standing next to him, plastering all kinds of colour on his face to make him look suitable for his role. You giggled at the thought and reacted to the next message, that came in just before arriving at your destination.

The Spiderman: I need to look beat up lmao

You: Don't you always look like that?

There was no response until you got home. At first you thought he might be mad at you but his countermessage made you laugh out loud and you were pretty sure, that Tom was smiling as well.

The Spiderman: Well, I might look beat up but at least I'm no babyface grandma!

You: But even when I'm 50 I’ll still look like 30, So i've got that goin’ for me

The Spiderman: True though. A real keeper

You: Go away

The Spiderman: :)

Groaning, you put your phone back on the table. How was it even possible, that this guy made you laugh so easy? You shook your head in disbelief about Tom's words. Keeper. He said you’re a keeper but did he really mean it that way? ‘Stop Overthinking!’, you scolded yourself but it didn't help. You got this warm fuzzy feeling inside of you and liked it. You started to like the way Tom made you feel and the anxiety about the thought of you two dating started to fade.

It was the middle of the week and you were utterly bored when you arrived back home from work. Not knowing what to do with your time, you grabbed your laptop and started to surf the internet. You went from News sites to Facebook, checked out Twitter and at last you found yourself checking out videos on Youtube. Then something kinda hit you and you typed in Toms Name in the Search bar. ‘Okay, lets see what happens’ you thought, as you pressed the enter tab on your keyboard.

Many videos of Tom in different interviews popped up and you watched through some of them, smiling like a donkey in love. After you’ve seen a few, something else popped into your eyes and with a curious look you clicked the video. You had no idea what would come up next.

You: You have my heart and we'll never be worlds apart

The Spiderman: ??

You: Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star

The Spiderman: Oh no …

You: Baby, 'cause in the dark

The Spiderman: Stop

You: You can't see shiny cars

The Spiderman: I got it

You: And that's when you need me there

The Spiderman: This is hilarious

You: With you I'll always share BECAUSE

The Spiderman: I'm gonna block your number lol

You: When the sun shines, we shine together Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath that I'm a stick it out till the end

The Spiderman: You've seen the lip sync … I got it

You: You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, EH, EH, EH

The Spiderman: Are you finished?

You: I pissed myself watching it

The Spiderman: Would've loved to see your reaction :D

You: How did you do that?

The Spiderman: What do you mean?

You: The dancing!! Where did you learn to perform like that??

The Spiderman: Uhh, I went to classes and been in a musical? Lmao

You: What are you even??

The Spiderman: :D

You: No seriously. You're unreal. Some Alien or what not

The Spiderman: I can teach you some stuff if you want

You: Nah, I'm a potato. I'm not even able to stand next to you without tripping.

The Spiderman: Noo you’d do great. I'm a good teacher

You: I bet you are

The Spiderman: ;)

Taglist: @hollandorks  @beardedsteveslut @ilivefortomholland @casualprincess77 @agirlwithpointlessideas @isabellamozarella03 @MENDES-HOLLAND @thiswildfire @wastedheartnat @hollandbaby @moonofmy-life @smileylaurens @random-fandom-lady @heartoftheadventure @blackazkaban @augurydemon @homecomjng @punkass-potato @unfoldingdaydreams @thefriendlyneighborhoodspidey @rivedale @tiffanypooh@claraholland

[kyuu-rereads-umineko]

Ep6, Chapter 2 (Part 2)

In which Battler gets a rude awakening, and Ange and Ikuko drop anvils on our heads.

When we last left off, Battler was making a beeline towards... Um, Meta-Kuwadorian, I guess? To meet with Beato.

hoooo god. Kumasawa is there, and greets him with, “Welcome, Master. Beatrice-sama is waiting for you. This way, please...”

The narrative is pretty obviously set up to parallel Battler/Beato with Kinzo/Kuwa-Beato, I’m aware of that, but oh god is Kumasawa’s greeting loaded as hell in hindsight.

“This place was a villa set aside for Beatrice’s use. It was a sacred site for her only, built so that she could spend her days without being affected by the outside world.”

Battler reflects on how glad he is that Beato was revived and “everything’s okay,” and I’m actually starting to feel a bit nauseous here good lord

“The dining hall [...] existed so that they could enjoy some black tea while discussing the truth, now that he had finally reached all of it.” As much as the Kinzo parallel throughout this scene is making me sick, the prospect of Beato and Battler talking things over once he figures things out is an appealing one.

oh goooooooooooood. Battler asks how Beato’s doing (and if she’s the “same as usual,” critically), and Kumasawa replies, “Oh yes, she is in very high spirits now. She has been waiting for you all this time, Master.” She doesn’t actually say anything to suggest Beato’s different somehow...

I think I need to adjust my thinking here a bit. On a logical level, I was fully aware of how Genji, Kumasawa, and Nanjo had a hand in Kinzo’s treatment of Kuwa-Beato (and how much of a role they played in Yasu’s downward spiral), but on an emotional level, I don’t think it really sank in until now, assuming this is indicative of how they responded to the situation in the real world as well.

I don’t know why this is making me feel so strongly now of all times, given that I’ve been well aware for a long time that everyone on the island had their own part to play in bringing about the tragedy, but... Eugh. I’ll be damned if Kumasawa’s behaviour here isn’t leaving a horrid taste in my mouth for whatever reason.

Anyways. Battler enters the dining hall, to find Beato... who bows to him. uh oh

She thanks him for “giving me this form,” and Battler, being Battler, breaks down into tears. okay who am i kidding i 100% teared up the first time i read this scene because i was relieved to see she was back

Poor Battler’s so caught up in his own emotions he doesn’t even realize at first that Beato’s demure behaviour isn’t an act she’s putting on...

He apologizes to her, and she replies that he has nothing to apologize for, calling him “Father” in the process. The music fades out almost immediately. hoo boy

“Beatrice was born for your sake, Father.” In hindsight, the way Ep6 handles this concept - that Beato exists “for Battler” - is something I feel very meh about. Thinking back on it in general, I suppose Ep6 is probably one of my least favourite episodes of the bunch - Erika feels like she’s overstayed her welcome (barring her death at the end, that scene was amazing and no not just because she died), the attempt at making her sympathetic falls flat on its face, the whole Greek Chorus thing with Featherine and Ange is kinda... weird (I do enjoy it, but something about it feels very strange, even beyond the whole meta in your meta in your meta shenanigans), Ep7 goes on to handle the question of “who does Beato exist for, if anyone,” much more gracefully than this (It’s still interesting to see the different halfs of Beato playing off each other, and I think it’s an important clue as to the nature of Beato as we know her and as a facet of Yasu, but it just doesn’t really feel... “right,” to me?), and to top it off, it goes on and on. I felt like Ep5 was stretching it with just the first twilight plus Hideyoshi as far as murders went, but Ep6 doesn’t even get past the first twilight. I mean, sure, a lot of the plot’s taking place in the Meta-World now, but still - seeing as Battler spends like 60% of the episode in a coma, it doesn’t really work for me. 

BOY I’M GETTING SIDETRACKED A LOT HUH

Anyways! Battler asks Beato to stop being so polite and to talk how she normally does, and she’s completely clueless... Battler changes the topic to the food on the table, she replies that she wanted to prepare a “modest reward” for him completing the 6th game, and... Kumasawa interjects, still without explaining the situation to Battler. Sh-she does actually know what’s going on here, what Battler was expecting, right...?

Battler confronts her, and she gets flustered. Beato, meanwhile, gets ready to pop open a bottle of champagne, saying, “In the hopes that you will prove victorious over your longtime rival, Furudo Erika...” and Battler promptly loses it, scattering things everywhere. “Who... are you...?”

Oooh. I’d forgotten that when Beato replies, she uses “watashi” instead of “warawa”. Not that it doesn’t make sense, or that it’s a surprise, but it’s interesting in hindsight, given that the use of “watashi” in Ep4′s Tea Party was one of the biggest clues in the first half of the series to Yasu’s existence.

At any rate, when she repeats that she was “born for Battler’s sake,” he snaps and shouts at Genji (in another layer of meta? man i don’t even know anymore) to explain what’s going on. When Genji informs him that she truly is Beato, he states that she’s “totally wrong, a fake.” O-ouch...

It’s quite easy to read Battler’s denial here as similar to Kinzo’s (likely) reaction to Kuwa-Beato in the real world... which, granted, is the point, but still!

Again, for some reason (maybe her closeness to Yasu while she was a servant? shruuug), Kumasawa’s responses to Battler rub me the wrong way a lot more than Genji’s do, saying that Beato “was only born a short while ago” and that it’d “be cruel to expect her to act as she once did so soon.”

“The old Beatrice-sama had lived for a thousand years... This Beatrice-sama, on the other hand, was only born a short while ago...! If she appears to be a different person, well, that just can’t be helped...!”

Battler asks if that means he has to wait a thousand years for her to become the same Beato we all know and love, and Kumasawa says that someone’s personality is determined by more than just their birth. Cut to Ange and Tohya!

“Even if you had two of the exact same person, they could change enormously depending on their upbringing.” dot dot dot

“Even though they might be the same human to start with, their upbringing could change them so much they effectively become two different people.” dot dot dot

Ooh, I’d forgotten that this line is dropped so earlier - Tohya/Ikuko makes a comment about how the term “person” relates to “personalities,” and Ange thinks, “If a personality is what makes a person a person in our eyes, you could probably say that a second personality represents a different person entirely, even if it inhabits the same flesh body.”

In hindsight, this line is something else I feel kinda lukewarm about. I mean, it’s a pretty obvious “HEY READERS ARE YOU LISTENING,” thing, but good grief is it ever beating you over the head with the whole “SHANNON AND KANON ARE THE SAME PERSON” thing. Not very subtle at all, really...

“...It seems you’re quite a skilled reader... For most of my readers, it would be necessary to spend several hundred pages to explain how a single person can become different people depending on their upbringing and time.” LOL

And Ange fires back with, “Don’t underestimate your readers. We aren’t just reading. We read... and we think.” I wonder if we’re seeing a bit of Ryukishi’s internal frustration surfacing here?

That’s not a jab at him, for the record. Given Umineko’s underlying theme of making an effort to think about other people and understand them, I’d be frustrated to have readers dismissing it as impossible or what-have-you as well.

“If I make a hundred people read it, only 90 people will actually be able to. However, only 50 will actually understand what it means. And not even 20 will actually think beyond that... And all I ask is that they think it over a bit.” Hmm. Interesting echo on Yasu’s desires, huh... That even if a thousand people should read her tale, as long as just one person understands, that’s all she wants...

Ange observes that Ikuko’s forgery has the same “scent” as the message bottles, which is likely why the Witch Hunters became so interested in her to begin with. Well, that makes sense, given that her forgeries were written by someone who was actually there!

“...Why does her tale have the same scent as Beatrice’s, I wonder...? Is it because... she actually has reached the truth, as she claims? Does this mean that anyone who knows the truth could create an endless number of message bottles? Is that what the catbox world is like...?”

With Ange’s determination to find “a hint of the truth from within this story” so she can bring an end to the catbox, we cut back to Battler... showing the 6th game to a Beato piece.

After having a very one-sided conversation, he snaps again. Poor guy...

“You created many kinds of furniture, as well as several tales in the past... When I saw that, I was sure... you were having a great time doing it, but that’s wrong. You were... unbelievably lonely.” Oh, Yasu...

Battler acknowledges that chick!Beato is alive, and the Beatrice he knew as she was a thousand years ago, but the fact that she looks identical to Beato is what causes him grief. While there’s no doubt that Battler’s arc in Ep6 is very deliberately mirroring Kinzo’s arc with Bice’s death and Kuwadorian Beatrice, I feel like there’s a critical difference starting to surface here - where Kinzo was unable to emotionally accept that Kuwa-Beato was actually his daughter, until after it was too late for him to try atoning for his sins (whether or not he actually could is up for debate, but), Battler eventually does, at least outwardly. Even when chick!Beato regains her memories, he still seems to accept that the Beato he knew is gone, as shown in the funeral at the start of Ep7.

I suppose whether or not that’s a good thing, given that he still treats chick!Beato exactly the same as the old Beato come Ep8, is up in the air, but...

[quartings]

The importance of mystery: A storytelling analysis

Okay, so this has been on my mind for quite a while! What differentiates those shows that are good at the start, versus those which take a whole season to get rolling, versus those which start out promising but then decline quickly? Well, I believe it has to do with-

1) Is there a big mystery element introduced in the first few episodes?

2) Do we get closer to understanding the mystery outside of background subtext after the first season (or at least the first 20+ episodes)?

The short reason is because this is a good way for the writers of the show to tell the audience that they have properly thought through what story the show will have, that it even HAS a story, and that they trust the audience to have fun figuring it out as the show progresses! Basically, it shows they actually know what kind of show they're making and are trying their best to make everyone happy!

For example, shows like Gravity Falls and the new Ducktales reboot have those huge reveals at the ends of their pilots in order to tell audiences that their central stories will revolve around certain things that will be better fleshed out later in the first season via other mysteries! The faith that this generates in audiences will guarantee their return and hype in the future!

However, there are shows where there are big mysteries, but only in subtext for many episodes. Take Steven Universe, where Rose's past is referenced all the time in the first season but isn't a MAJOR part of the show's central conflict until much later. Or Rick and Morty, where the overarching plot isn't fully alluded to until the second last episode of the first season. Before then, both shows could just be called pretty decent and interesting shows that people would say "whoaa, dude! You gotta watch this cartoon! It's got a wacky thing and it's kinda different! Investment? Ehh who needs that! It's so zany!" Huh. I guess that's another thing these shows have in common aside from... you know...

Anyways! There's also shows which promise huge things but don't deliver on them or mess up the execution of the mystery. An example that still haunts me is the Pokemon Black and White series, where the key mysteries we see in the show's first few episodes are: Zekrom's involvement and Team Rocket's huge new direction. Neither of these things get properly addressed later on- they simply fade away as the show progresses, winding up in disappointing the fanbase who came to see how such big new changes would shake up the status quo, leaving them feeling cheated.

And there's shows which seem to not even have subtext of mystery until much later, such as Adventure Time. As such, the show only had its initially niche fanbase because it was riding on bizarreness alone- if all sorts of crazy things could and did happen, they start to lose importance the more things went on. Of course, this eventually got fixed, but it goes to show that making a show bright and silly and cute and crazy isn't enough to make it good- otherwise the 500th time you have your characters make funny faces and flail around screaming, you'll bore your audience and just be left with people who're like Patrick Star watching the show where people get hit in the head with coconuts.

And lastly, I wish to discuss the difference between mystery and hype! Hype is a different factor from mystery in that it comes entirely out of nowhere to grab more viewers, while mystery is more along the lines of something audiences could predict or hope for as they watched through the series. Examples of dishonorable perpetrators of abusing hype can be seen in shows like Spongebob or the Fairly OddParents like "WHAT IF SPONGEBOB HAD ROUND PANTS?!??" or "WOW, TIMMY GETS A NEW PET DOG!!" And other "clickbait" premises. Things such as introducing new characters without foreshadowing and then having said characters not actually contributing to the overarching plot, or crossovers which don't have lasting impacts on the show, or randomly inviting guest animators for crazy shenanigans could be seen as hype.

So, what does this mean? Well, we can take away that we should choose the shows we watch just like how we choose to watch YouTube videos- don't get clickbaited! Instead of being hyped for that radical new character next episode, consider and speculate on how this character would interact with the show's main plot! Instead of starting that show because "lol I saw a screenshot from that in a silly meme and it looks funny!", check out some behind the scenes stuff and see how excited the crew is to work on the show! Make sure the show can properly balance its plot and comedy and you too, can avoid being in a Bionicle Gen2 or Powerpuff Girls (2016) level disappointed fan!

[severalbakuras]

time

to

finish

s3

im not prepared

(apologies to mobile users for the long post)

episode 5:

intro is a pink screen. it’s established pink is a mourning colour. hrmmm.

oh its an eyeball SHIRO

that’s not a good looking room to be in

that HAIR

hallucinating already, this is Not Good.

so he’s like totally alone in that room that is just bad practice right there. supervisor’s gonna get fucked if they get caught.

and. another shiro. one who’s kept clean-shaven. oh ok i know where this is going i think.

operation kuron is so unsubtle that i think we’re in for several layers of bait-n-switch until it turns out shiro never actually existed. schrodinger’s Shiro. shirodinger. 

he escaped waaaaaay too easily - yeah. called it.

‘stage 3′ so stage one is ??? and stage two is this guy.

ok so shiro obvs remembers some things but i find it interesting that we’ve had no internal thoughts beyond memories of the tube/surgery. like he’s not thought about voltron or the paladins or allura and coran like he has no idea if they survived or not. nothing at all by the five minute mark.

HAGGAR FINALLY I’VE MISSED YOU SO

yeah you keep an eye on that boy. im sure absolutely nothing will happen to this guy.

self-cauterization holy shit.

“what killed you?” is the first spoken line of dialogue from shiro i think. everything else is just vague confusion noises and/or battle grunts iirc. we haven’t even had an internal line of thought yet (which i know don’t rly happen in this series like everyone tends to speak aloud but still he’s ALL alone). i think that’s significant, somehow.

how the fuck has he not frozen to death in that skinny suit.

SHIRO NO THAT COULD BE AN ACID LAKE

“subject Y0XT39″ i will eat a raw garlic clove if this turns out to be the real shiro.

wow that’s rly bad for blood circulation like way to make him lose his hands jackasses.

so these two are space cannibals. neat.

if you’re trying to convince people of who you are why would you just say your first name? he WANTS these guys to know who he is, there’s no point being cagey. say your surname shiro go ahead.

knowledge of who the paladins are rly is being kept tight under wraps. so long as nobody ever thinks to check out any planet where galra were known to have integrated into local alien communities to the point of children.

i :) wonder :) who :) might :) do :) that :)

(i wonder how earth’s doing. everyone has family down there who misses them (besides keith since he’s living in a shack in the desert and nobody from the MILITARY-ish training academy told his dad to come pick him up apparently))

lotor i swear to fuck don’t you dare pull a dreamworks smirk DONT DO YOU DARE

so galra channels are hackable

that big guy’s totally having a SUPPRESSING FIIIIIRE moment

i rly like this winter backdrop i love being able to see the brushstrokes on the snow (like digital ones but they count).

he’s starving but he doesn’t take a single bite of the food onscreen can’t tell if suspicious or #mood bc i don’t like people watching me eat either lol

so operation kuron isn’t something widely known then or Hold up those robo-soldiers have no reaction whatsoever to a unit falling down until the hangar doors close.

ok those two guys in the cave HAVE to be in on it or shiro would’ve died on that planet. why keep the ship above a Death Planet for him to be permitted to escape to unless they had someone down on the Death Planet who could send him back to the right ship to deliver to voltron without him knowing he was being played?

like this is ALL phase 3.

‘stop spying on me’

‘do your fucking job’

HA. IDEAS. IN ZARKON’S HEAD. AHHAHAA

i think this is the first time i’ve seen lotor angry like haggar gets under his skin so easily i hope they talk again soon. ‘I AM THE LEADER’ his VOICE damn.

ok so like i already know lotor is half-galran and he’s probably half-altean too like in the original series with the hair and all. but i don’t think haggar is his mother even though she’s also altean. he’s hyper-focused on not being like his father in that scene but he also seems the type that he’d leave a snarky comment about his mother too if she were. and she doesn’t ever refer to him as her son, only zarkon’s. she’d surely say ‘our’ son, unless she officially disowned him as part of his banishment and hates his guts but then surely he’d have at least SOME reaction to seeing her unless he was, like, literally banished at birth and doesn’t know who she is and that he’s half-altean. bc if he knew he was he’d connect the dots between ‘only altean on the ship’ and his dad v quickly.

like i do know the story behind exactly how original lotor (aka sincline) is half altean and it’s Unpleasant and makes zarkon a fucking monster and i doubt this series would even imply that that was the case here but if it did and our lotor knew this was the truth behind his parentage that could explain his lack of reaction to haggar AND his deeply intrinsic rejection of his father.

oh come ON the ship is stocked with oxygen!!!!!! why would a ship that’s intended for a robot pilot need oxygen!!!!!!!!

seven days, when he’s already in a bad way re blood loss/injury (like a healing serious wound burns calories and fluid by the truckload) and didn’t have much water to go on beforehand. if i didn’t think something was up before man.

finally, almost 20 minutes in, we finally see him think of his teammates. took long enough.

black lion notices. hrm.

episode six:

nice shooting lancFCUKING KILL THEM ALLURA

SAME LANCE

HUG YOUR SON SHIRO actually no you’re not shiro stay the fuck away from him

‘weird headache’ since this isn’t a dramatic romance show, he’s not got Invisible Anime Disease #5 so there’s absolutely a tracker in his brain.

A HUNK MOMENT THAT ISN’T ABOUT FOOD I’M CRY (like it intersects with pidge but i don’t mind it’s nice that he gets to show his own brains in what feels like forever)

shiro automatically stepping back in ‘this is what we do mode’ is SHRHCHCH. NO. even if he WASN’T a clone he’s still recovering and is missing out on potentially months of their relationships changing and being redefined. he can’t just step back in like that.

ok so like???? if there’d been more scenes like this early on??? i’d probably be totally into klance?? like keith doesn’t really grasp the depths of the issue with lance judging by how the shot holds on lance leaving and his facial expressions and all but keith tries and lance tries and there’s no cheap joke thrown in there’s no rejecting that there was any emotional connection. it’s not solved the problem lance has by any means but it’s lance opening up to keith about his vulnerabilities and worries and it’s keith doing his best to help him both as a leader and a friend and the narrative doesn’t turn either of them into a joke for it. THAT IS MY SHIT RIGHT THERE.

like i’m obvs lowkey into enemies-friends-lovers (bc otherwise i wouldn’t consider keitor or any of my other ships which i won’t name bc i’ve made it this far without comparing anything to warcraft so i won’t start now) but i guess i much prefer the friends-lovers stage. (especially when only one half of the pair considers the other as ‘enemy’ in the first place).

‘just whack it’ is a universal law that will last forever

SHIRO ARE YOU IN THE LEADER CHAIR. NO? SHUT UP.

fucking fake ass shiro he doesn’t even acknowledge keith stepping up to make a plan as leader like he always fucking wanted him to do he just sails on into his own plan without so much as a ‘sorry’. fuck you fake shiro. firo.

and keith just stands there like a lemon like this is ok ahrhfhg. firo i swear to god if you drag keith back down into the place he was on the gas planet before lance intervened i’m gonna be so mad.

interesting that we don’t get a reaction shot of lance when keith offers to stay behind instead of taking back red. considering how that was literally what the last scene between him and keith was about is all.

so clones are genetically identical so the black lion picking up on firo’s ~spark of life~ fading or whatever to rescue him isn’t odd. but the black lion knows your soul and it’s not happy.

(could be an issue when the real shiro returns tho but eh that’s a problem for futuretron)

I LOVE THIS LOYAL PETTY BASTARD

“Victory or death!” OH COME ON YOU’RE MAKING THE WARCRAFT REFERENCES FOR ME. LOKTAR OGAR

so perhaps lotor squad isn’t in on operation kuron?

i wonder what’s being whispered during the mind control scenes.

that ship looks like a space fox... or maybe a star fox.

in two minds about this part like right now firo IS right but they DO need to actually try and confront lotor at some point. it’s ALWAYS going to be a bad time bc lotor has figured out how to use plot armor to protect himself so sometimes you just need to attack that face down trap card and face the consequences or you’ll be stuck forever yknow?

OH IT’S HER. FROM THE SHIP. COOL i was wondering if that’d come up again.

oops he’s ambidextrous.

also i think ezor might be a little crueler than she lets on, she’s got some v. vicious expressions going on in this grapple.

ZETHRID THINKS ALLURA’S A WORTHY OPPONENT ZELLURA YOU ARE CLEARED FOR LAUNCH (in other news i am a terrible person)

honestly those are both equally high priority targets, either one WILL fuck things up in the future no matter if they follow firo or keith.

now lotor how do you know they were about to attack, unless you perhaps had a direct link into the lions communication lines, which have been kinda previously established as being impossible to hack?

(so that’s one point in them also knowing about project kuron)

YES KEITH THIS IS WHAT YOU DO BEST ON THE FLY INSTINCTIVE GOOD MOVE

hooooly shit lotor’s maaaad

get your hand off him firo.

“i’m sorry i had to step in back there” step in. STEP IN. LIKE YOU WEREN’T IN CONTROL OF THE ENTIRE MISSION START TO FINISH. he sets up ‘you were the leader and you weren’t good enough’ almost on purpose..

the former isn’t true because keith still stepped down and firo commanded all their movements from the ship and the latter isn’t true because no plan survives contact with the enemy keith basically had it as under control as shiro always did. considering the circumstances he did damn well AND he scored a ‘fuck you’ point against lotor by using lotor’s own new ship to wreck the teledove.

“i thought i had it under control” ;A;

HE’S BEEN THERE SINCE THEY ALL FORMED VOLTRON YOU FUCK. HE WAS GOOD AT THIS UNTIL YOU GOT HERE.

FUCK YOU FIRO.

damn that’s cold haggar.

episode seven:

i’m. um. huh. those certainly were memories i’ll need to pause on later.

this dramatic scene is being ruined by all the cute little triforces floating around.

my civil war theory is officially dead now i guess. goodbye, civil war theory. it was nice to have you as a handy aversion of the whole ‘X race is like this while Y race is like this’ trope that always shows up in sci fi and fantasy and sci-fantasy~

this music is giving me jack sparrow IN SPACE vibes.

oooh the dust particle effect in the light shafts in the air is pretty and a good attention to detail.

now see like why wasn’t his spirit projection thing back in season 1 more like this??? he has a character he’s got personality he’s just like his daughter i’d actually MISS this guy if that spirit projection thing had been like his true self and not a bland whatever he was he’s so forgettable i can’t even remember what he was like.

ZARKON WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. YOUR VOICE. YOUR EYES.

so like galra culture has a class/caste system and is kinda militaristic. explains a lot in the future i guess.

“WHAT IS THAT” is that the same cat narti has? and oh god no he’s a dork.

OH NO HE’S A REALLY BIG DORK AAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAA BABY ALLURA. SHE’S SO CUTE.

oh so he married honerva? oh no. OH NO SHE BETTER NOT BE HAGGAR. DON’T DO THIS.

“it was a customary gesture” tf is that all about.

“by willow!” is that the first canon mention of a deity? cool.

so the red paladin was technically the first paladin.

this thing is eldritch as fuck.

“Am I a leg?!” god i am so sad that you’re going to die horribly i love you.

now it’s REALLY eldritch.

god she really is haggar.

so alteans definitely age then (which proves empress allura was definitely dead a long LONG time before alt-eans went all mind-controlly).

honergar’s giving me major ‘that bloodbender who’s name i’ve forgotten’ vibes.

I KNEW QUINTESSENCE WAS BAD SHIT

he loves her so much im gonna cry.

so the lions cannot pick up on deceit then. they accept the will of their paladin over the safety of voltron as a whole and the other lions. they cast no moral judgement.

so there could easily be an evil voltron somewhere.

ZARKON NO HE’S HOLDING HER HAND ARGH.

so those weird purple cloud creatures from another dimension are puppeteering the corpse of the first black paladin, taking his basic desire for power and extending it into a galaxy spanning genocidal crusade because???

their home dimension must be a fucking hell dimension if things like that are trying to escape.

that guard made it seem like they sorta knew and accepted why their planet was destroyed so i guess zarkon returning from death was such a massive cultural shock that they all fell into line. bc otherwise i find it hard to believe that every single galra would join the battle (like yeah the blades exist but they’re a tiny movement) and not question what the fuck happened to his eyes or voice or how he came back from the fucking dead or why they’re meant to suddenly hate everyone.

ok so why do most of the galra have similar glowing eyes iirc? surely the vast majority should have the normal eyes that old zarkon and lotor have but they don’t. unless like successful generals are permitted to ‘live’ forever by taking the creatures into their bodies but then like they have far too much personality for that. the loktar ogar guy for example. what gives.

that’s kind of a leap at lotor’s motives but an understandable one, they don’t know how much lotor detests being like his father so i doubt he’d do the same damn thing his father was trying to do.

he’s baaaaack and he’s got no new tricks, zombieman zarkon’s still just as thick as the last time~

lotor’s gonna be so mad. and also this doesn’t actually explain why haggar lets zarkon run roughshod all over her much better plans prior to this because she doesn’t remember being his husband until this episode.

and also also imo this means haggar definitely can’t be lotor’s mother bc when we’re seeing things coran can’t possibly know like honerva on her death bed we’re probably seeing haggar’s vision of events and he doesn’t appear to be a factor in either of their lives but she remembers their wedding perfectly.

(unless he’s a zombaby but he can’t be because his eyes don’t glow).

hrm.

season four when.

[bangtan-yeonghon]

24 HOURS | Jungkook

Genre: Fluff | Angst

Characters: Reader, Jungkook, Hoseok, Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung

Plot: It was your birthday, the one day you waited for a long time after your relationship with Jungkook became official. You had everything planned, but it seemed like it was not going to go your way.

Word count: 3,850

A/N: This was meant to be a drabble for ‘The Last Dance’ and a gift for my dear @taeminsgirl159​, but it turned out really long so I guess it’s more of a bonus chapter. huhuhuhu~ And also I decided to give it a name, one of its own, I felt it deserved it. ^^ I am dead tired rn so I’ll most probably go to sleep right after posting it. Hope you like it!~ 

1:35 AM

You kept staring at the clock on your phone as if waiting for a sign from him. It was exhausting, but you could not fall asleep either. You would put your phone down and bury your face in the pillow, then pick it up again only to see that not even 5 minutes passed.

Everything felt like a dream after the dance show in which you and Jungkook made everyone's mouth drop, people were showering you with compliments, more offers came your way, and definitely more recognition. Messages and calls coming from every direction, rumors, headlines, news, pictures, they were almost overwhelming for you, a person not used to the spotlight. There were times when your relationship was on the brink of being discovered, and that put you both under great pressure. But a month or two after the heat died out and things went back to normal.

It had already been half a year since you started dating, a time filled with good and bad things, just like in any other relationship. The only thing making it harder for you was time, or better said lack of it...Meeting was hard, and most of the time it was in the studio, practicing for some event. At times he would crash at your place, making your problems shrink to almost nothing as the everything around you faded to black. In those precious moments it was just you and him. Missing him was something you were used to, but now a special day was just around the corner -your birthday- and you wanted to spend every second of it with the person you loved most. You could not stand it anymore, you had to talk to him, to hear his voice at least, so you called him. The phone kept ringing and ringing with no answer, but just as you were about to give up, he picked up.

"Hello, love!"

"Oh! Hey, stranger!"

" Stranger?"  Jungkook laughed.

"I haven't seen you in a week..."

"Well you know how things get when there's a concert ahead."

"I know, but still...I miss you..."

"I miss you too, Y/N," his voice softened and you both went silent for a second. "Why did you call so late at night? Did something happen??"

"No, no, I just wanted to listen to your voice. And..."

"And?"

"I was wondering...do you think you can convince your manager to let you spend tomorrow with me? At least for a couple of hours..."

"I am so stupid! Y/N, I am sorry, I was so caught up in everything that I forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"We have to go a day earlier..."

"What do you mean you have to go a day earlier?" you felt everything shatter in your chest.

"I am sorry, Y/N, that's what the management decided, there's really nothing I can do..."

"But why?" you were trying so hard to fight back the tears, it was hard to speak.

"I don't know exactly, they didn't give any details. They just told us to be ready in the morning."

"Why does it have to be tomorrow..."

"Why? Is tomorrow a special day or something?"

"You...never mind. Were you rehearsing right now?"

"Yeah. Actually I have to go."

"Jungkook..."

"I'm sorry, love. Talk to you later?"

"Ok," you said disheartenedly.

"Sleep well, Y/N. I love you!"

"Love you too! Don't overdo it, ok? Drink lots of tea and take care of your vocal chords, please."

"Got it! I'll call you tomorrow after we land, ok?"

"Ok."

"Bye!!!"

"Bye..."

You wanted to be angry, you wanted to blame him, you wanted to scream at him, but his voice was so tender, so sweet it melted your screams, turning them into silent tears. Tiny wet spots were forming around you on the bed sheet as you stood there speechless. It was going to be a fantastic day; and to think it was supposed to be the best since you two became a couple...You had had everything planned out for the past month, but apparently did not take into consideration the possibility of the company changing their schedule. And you could not figure out why. That did not happen before. But you were too tired to let yourself slip into overthinking.

Sometime at dawn, right when the sun starts pushing away the darkness, making the sky a beautiful canvas of shiny stars and soft light around the blue horizon, a message popped up on your phone. And next to it, wrapped in sheets, with messy hair and clothes, was you. The tiredness that accumulated throughout the past week plus the sadness from the night before put you into a deep sleep, resulting in you only reading the message three hours later, being thankful it was not a call that would disrupt your sweet dreams.

"Morning, love! We arrived safely. It's a bit chilly outside, make sure to take a hoodie if you go out today. I didn't want to wake you up so I didn't call. I'll be back soon, baby, and then we'll see each other for sure. I'll call you tonight if I have some free time. Take care of you, and I love you! ❤"

A bittersweet smile made your lips curve. You put the phone down and stared at the ceiling.

"Happy birthday to me..."

You let it go with a soft sigh and went in to take a shower. The hot water seemed to wash all your problems and relax every muscle in your body. You put on your usual 'practice attire'. You had nothing to do all day without Jungkook, so you thought it would be better to just work on some choreographies to keep your mind occupied. You opened the door and almost tripped on the cute and vividly colored flower basket left at the entrance.

"Oh shit!" you exclaimed as you calculated where to put your foot so that you won't ruin the gift nor fall and smash your face on the floor. "Phew, that was close. Who put this here?! Jeez, I almost died." you laughed. You crouched down next to it with a smile on your face and admired the delicate flowers. "So beautiful," you mumbled. Then your eyes landed on a piece of paper that was carefully placed in the middle of the bouquet.

Hope you have a wonderful day.

Sincerely,

Your secret admirer.

"Secret admirer? What secret admirer?" you laughed thinking they were from Jungkook. "This boy..."

Then you jumped up, startled by the loud sound of your ringtone.

"Oh, Jesus! Hoseok?" you looked at the screen, a bit confused, a bit worried. "Hey, Hoseok, what's up?"

"Happy birthday, kiddo!!"

"Oh, my God, Hoseok! My ear!" you chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sorry! You know I always get excited when your birthday comes."

"Thank you, my dear friend!"

"So, how are you going to celebrate?"

"Uhhh...Dancing?"

"Dancing? As in practice?"

"Yeah..."

"No, you're not! Jeez, Y/N, take a break!"

"Well there's nothing else to do. I'm bored. I had something in mind, but then you left one day earlier and..."

"Oh, I am sorry about that..."

"It's ok, there's nothing you could have done. Is Jungkook there with you?"

"No, he's on the stage for the sound check. Why?"

"Nothing, never mind. Did you, perhaps, sent me flowers?"

"Flowers? No?"

"Did Jungkook mention anything, then?"

"No, why?"

"I received this basket full of flowers and apparently they are 'from an admirer'"

"An admirer? Lol, that's not me, kiddo, my gift will arrive a bit later. I got you something nice, hope you'll like it."

"Aww~ I am sure I will. Tell Jungkook to call me when he's done, ok?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Ok, take care and good luck on the concert!!!"

"Thank you!!! Happy birthday!!!"

"Oh, my! How many times are you going to say that?" you laughed again.

"As many as it takes."

"Well, at least someone remembers it..."

"No way...did he- did Jungkook forget your birthday?!?"

"It seems like it...I guess he was so focused on the concert, that it slipped."

"This kid..." he seemed angered.

"It's ok, don't worry. It can happen to anyone, I'm not sad nor angry."

"But still...Oh, anyway, I have to go now. Have a great day, kiddo, and don't overwork yourself, okay?"

"Got it! Do well on the concert! See you soon!"

"See yah!"

-Call ended-

"So he did forget...but the flowers? Secret admirer...Eh, whatever," you said as you picked the basket with a smile on your face. You indulged in their sweet smell as you took them inside and placed them on the coffee table in your small living room.

You kept thinking about Jungkook on the way to the studio, he never forgot your birthday. It was really weird. You blamed it on the schedule, but it was not the first time he had shows, and he would always find the time to at least send you a text. Now there was nothing, and it was somewhat fishy. He acted just the way he always did, so he was not mad at you. That is precisely why you decided to go practice your moves instead of staying home in front of the TV.

"Hello!" a cute kid on the street said, handing you a piece of paper.

"Oh, hey there!" you smiled as you took it and he left.

You looked at it. The words 'You are beautiful! Have a great day, and may your smile never fade away' were written on it. Your lips curved up into a bright smile. You looked back at the small kid.

"This is so sweet," you said.

You read it again and then put it in your pocket, where it was safe. Now you were walking down the streets with a more cheerful expression. You were confused at first, seeing this random child come to you and hand you a piece of paper out of nowhere, but the kindness of the gesture made it vanish.

You made it to the studio after you got yourself a large cup of coffee, enough to bring you back to life. The hallways were so silent compared to the days before, when people were running everywhere to get the outfits, to hand in paperwork, arrange things for the schedule of the boys, everything that needs to be done before a tour. It was exhausting for the staff, just as it was for the boys. You were glad you got green light to stay home this time to work on your projects. You like it when it was like this, it gave you complete freedom and peace.

You made your way to the dance studio and just as you turned the lights on, your heart almost stopped. The bright light coming from a video projector that was right in front, blinding you, and the loud sound coming from the speakers gave you a great scare. You turned the lights off again, took a few steps inside and looked at the wall where images were dancing on their own. The familiarity of the faces that appeared one after the other made your smile grow gradually.

"Happy birthday, Y/N!!! You're getting old, kiddo!!" Hoseok screamed with the same energy he always seemed to have around you. "I'll have to make sure you keep those knees moving. We need to work on that dance routine you showed me when I get back. I already miss you. See you soon!!!"

"I miss you too, sunshine!" you said, and took a seat on the chair that was strategically placed right next to the projector.

"Happy birthday, Y/N, my dearest dance teacher! I hope you will stay with us for a long, long time, and laugh with us while we practice new moves. It's always a pleasure to work on choreographies with you. Have a wonderful day, Y/N!" Jimin said cutely and threw you some hearts.

"Happy birthday, Y/N! You are a blessing for a dancer like me. Hah! Thank you for always having the patience to teach me the moves. I hope we'll be together till the end. I think a person with your passion, dedication, and positive energy is hard to find in this world. You are wonderful! Have a great day, Y/N! Love you!" Namjoon followed, with a smile that could melt the hearts of every woman in the building.

"Y/N!!! It's your birthday!! Hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day, just like you! Happy birthday!!! Get ready for my surprise when I come back! I won't cut you any slack just because I am not there right now. You won't be able to escape." Taehyung said, beaming like a child.

"Happy birthday, Y/N! Stay as awesome as you are! And never forget to take a rest every now and then, it's not good to work non-stop. I am always grateful for what you do for us. Hope you have a really nice day! See you soon!" Yoongi sweetly said.

"Look who's talking! You should take a break, always hiding in that studio of yours," you replied.

"Yaaah~ it's already your birthday. It seems like only days ago you were running around the room, trying to pay Taehyung back for painting your face with cream from your birthday cake. This time we can't be by your side, but we made this to make up for it. Well, actually, it was not my idea, but having me here is enough to make your day better,right? Hahahaha. Here's a present for you," he blew a kiss towards the camera. "Happy birthday!!"

"Oh, my God. Here he goes again," you laughed.

You were getting so excited, breathing stopping for a second, anticipating who was going to appear next. But the screen suddenly went black, washing away all the happiness on your face. You looked at the projector, thinking it broke or something, but it seemed to be working just fine. You fell into the pit of sadness, this time not able to stop it. He really forgot... you thought. But just then the wall lit up again.

"You thought it was over?" a soft voice said.

Your head snapped up. Jungkook was staring back at you, with eyes as gentle as the way words left his lips.

"I hope you are not crying right now, baby. That's the last thing I'd want."

"This isn't helping! Oh, my God, I can't believe you, Jeon Jungkook!"

"This time of the year came again, huh? My dearest friend and beautiful girlfriend is turning one year older. Saying this in front of a camera is really weird, but I wanted to make something special for you. You deserve the whole world, my love. I am so sorry I can't be by your side right now, but I promise I'll make up for it. I knew you would come here, and I am thankful you did, to be honest, but don't overwork yourself, okay? You know that for me you are the most important, right? I will be home soon and I promise I will give you all my time. Thank you for being by my side, Y/N. Happy birthday, baby! I love you!"

"I love you too!" you said between sobs.

You could not help but cry at his sincere and warm words. He did it, he fooled you. You laughed at yourself for the sole fact that you even thought he would actually forget your birthday, him of all people. You stood there for a few minutes, trying to calm down, and then put some music on and danced till day turned into night. On the way back home it seemed the stars were shining even more than they usually did, like even nature was celebrating. You were a bit worried that Jungkook did not call you back, even though you sent him a message before you left the studio. But you thought that maybe he was tired. You took out the keys and unlocked the door.

Your mouth dropped. Dozens of rose petals were carefully scattered across the floor, making it your personal red carpet. On both margins there were candles, lighting up the path towards your bedroom. There was a sweet scent filling the air, and soft music playing in the background. You took small, shy steps, as your heart raced. The door to your bedroom was slightly open. A soft scream came out of your lungs when you entered.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday, my dear Y/N~ Happy birthday to you!~"

Just a few steps in front of you Jungkook was standing with a cake in his hands, smiling brightly at you as he sang. Tears fell down like drops of rain. He was closing the distance between you, but you could not even look at him. A strong waves of feelings was making you shake.

"Happy birthday, love!" he said when he was right next to you.

"When did you come?!?"

"I never left," he chuckled.

"What?! Oh, my God! I can't believe this!"

You were a mess, smiling and crying at the same time. He lifted the cake in front of your face.

"Y/N, the candles. Make a wish."

You nodded, closed your eyes, and, after making the wish, blew out all the candles in one try. He was so happy that his surprise event went well from beginning to end. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your nose in his chest. He kissed your forehead multiple times before you let him go place the cake on the kitchen table. You followed him, still wondering if all of this was a dream. Forget what you planned to do on your birthday, this was ten times better.

"When did you have time to do all of this??" you said in awe, playing with the petals under your feet.

"I had the whole day and house to myself," he smirked.

"So this was all your plan from the beginning?"

"Yeah. I knew you would be going to the studio if I was not here with you, and I took the chance."

"I can't believe you did all this."

"If it's for you, I can do anything."

"That's so cheesy!"

"But you like it."

"I like it. And the boys? They didn't leave either?"

"No, they did leave. I convinced the management to give me a free day, a whole day to spend with you."

He came in front of you and put his arms around your waist, pulling you closer.

"This...is so beautiful. It's perfect!"

"I am glad you like it." He pressed his forehead on yours.

"I love you!"

"I love you too, baby!"

You pushed your body up and locked lips with him in a sweet, slow, soft kiss. You were also the first one to break it, saying you needed to take a quick shower. While you were in the shower he turned on the TV and searched for something nice to watch. Twenty minutes later you were both cuddling on the sofa in the living room, eating the delicious cake he bought for you. The room was dimly lit by the candles he brought from the hallway, giving the moment the perfect, intimate touch. After you were done eating you placed your head on his shoulder, eyes falling on the basket full of flowers.

"Oh, right! Was this also your doing?" you looked up at him as you pointed at it.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Do you like them?"

You looked at him for a couple of seconds then placed a kiss on the corner of his lips, taking him by surprise.

"I love them!"

"Did you also get the note?"

"The note? Aah! That was also you?!?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, my God! I just thought the kid was just giving people those notes, and I happened to get one."

"No, that was all for you. I knew you would be down, and I wanted to keep this beautiful smile on your face for the whole day. But the only way I could do this, was to get you out of the house, and for that I had to put you through some pain. I'm sorry about that, Y/N."

" No, no! It's alright, really. It was all worth it."

You snuggled closer to him and hugged him tightly. He roamed his fingers through your hair, sending shivers down your spine. He was so warm, and being in his embrace made you feel so safe, so at peace, it was almost addicting. His love was the drug that kept you going.

"So when do you have to leave?"

"In the morning...24 hours is all I got."

"Time flies so fast...How many hours do I have left?"

"Hmm, it's 1AM now so that makes it...7 hours?"

"We should make the best out of it...but I am so tired..." your eyes were closing.

"You should sleep. Just being by your side is enough for me. And I am quite drained too. These past few days have been so exhausting. Let me lay on this side (of the sofa) so you have enough space."

"We can go to the bedroom..."

"Do you have enough energy left?"

"Nah..." you giggled, eyes closed.

"See? Me neither. So let's just sleep here."

"Did you set up your alarm?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, then."

You moved around so that he was laying on the edge of the sofa, occupying more than half of it, and you on top of him, head resting on his chest and feet tangled with his. He did not mind the weight of your body, pressing down on his. You were still fighting sleep to try and watch the movie till the end, but his tender way of playing with your hair made it impossible.

"I love you..." was the last thing you mumbled before you entered Dreamland.

The next morning you both woke up feeling recharged, cheerful, and ready to face whatever challenge was to come in your way. You brushed your teeth together, making fun of each other, then you helped him style his messy morning hair. You did not notice until that morning that he actually brought his suitcase there, already aware that he had to rush to the airport. You stood in front of the door for a few more minutes holding hands and whispering sweet words as you were lost in each other's eyes. Then his phone started ringing, sign that his manager was outside.

"I have to go..."

"I don't want you to..."

"I don't want to either. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. Stay safe, take care of your vocal chords. Drink the tea I made for you, I heard it is good for singers. And come home fast."

"Noted! Love you!" he gave you a quick kiss.

"Love you too!"

You opened the door and stood there till he got into the car. You waved him goodbye one more time as the car got lost in the distance. You might have not done everything that was on that list you made, but it definitely was the best birthday of your life.