#it’s weird cause i’ve mentioned it to other people and no one else seems to experience this

[bloggrgirl]

it’s my birthday tomorrow and i recently rediscovered an old flame of mine (went down memory lane of my emo phase and got the sad kind of nostalgic). double kill. need to see ptv in concert to feel better

[hopetorun]

10 SASHA BARKOV!!

framed for a crime they didn’t commit … kinda … this took on a life of its own. sorry sasha isn’t actually in it much.

“It’s a frame job,” Matthew hisses through the phone. There’s a long pause, dead air as his words process through all the layers of security and as the response filters back.

“You can’t be sure of that,” Darryl says. “You haven’t been working with him very long.”

“Long enough,” Matthew says. The phone’s a land line, corded and attached to the wall. It’s an old safehouse, but when he asked Darryl said it’s more secure this way. No chance of the phone being taken away from the room it’s supposed to be in, falling into the wrong hands. “He doesn’t kill people, not like this. He doesn’t kill the wrong people and then get caught.”

“Well, he did,” Darryl says, his voice flat. “You have a mission to finish out. Report now while I’ve got you on the phone anyway, and then go back to your apartment and get to work.”

Matthew reports. There’s not much to tell aside from Sasha being dragged away by the local police at the crack of dawn today. His next meeting with his mark isn’t until tomorrow, and he and Sasha hadn’t made much headway on the data from the extraction Sasha made two nights ago.

Sasha would have mentioned if he killed someone during that B&E. He would’ve mentioned it if there was even a chance someone died. He knows about cleaning up loose ends. He trusts Matthew to help him with that. Matthew decides not to mention the data, or the little progress they’ve made with it. Technically that’s Sasha’s mission anyway.

They set a deadline for Matthew’s next report, he tells Darryl he’ll head home, and then he locks up the safehouse and heads to Sasha’s apartment. It’s been ransacked, of course. Maybe by more than just the cops. If this was a frame-up to get Sasha out of the way, then whoever did it had plenty of time to get in here and look for evidence.

Matthew knows more than any of them, though. He finds the safe quickly, behind a false wall in the coat closet, and gets it open on the second try. The hard drive from two nights ago is still there — thank god — and so is Sasha’s phone. Not his cover phone, the important one. The one where Matthew can activate the voice control and say call Paul, and it does.

“Sasha?” the voice on the other end of the line says.

Matthew clears his throat. “It’s not — it’s Matthew. Sasha’s been arrested.”

Paul swears under his breath but otherwise seems to take it in stride. “Local police,” Matthew continues. “They say it’s for murder. He didn’t kill anyone.”

“I know he didn’t,” Paul mutters. “Fuck.”

Matthew stands in the closet, clutching the phone he can’t actually unlock, waiting impatiently for Paul to say anything else. He just swears again, and then says, “Is there anything else?”

It’s a long shot. It’s a risk. It’s possible Matthew’s about to make the biggest mistake of his career, including the time he dropped an armed charge off a roof and caused a city-wide lockdown in Bucharest. He doesn’t even know if Paul trusts him. Sasha was concerningly vague on the subject. But he spent years training to analyze a situation, and to trust his instincts because his instincts are honed by years of practice at this. His conscious mind is still working through all the pieces of evidence that are telling him to say it, but he knows they’re there. You don’t get to where he is in this job without good instincts and the ability to read the field.

“Darryl doesn’t want me looking into it,” he says. “He was insistent. Didn’t listen when I said it wasn’t like Sasha to leave a mess like that.”

Paul hums. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions,” Matthew continues.

“But you think it’s weird your handler wanted you to leave your partner in a former Soviet bloc prison?”

“Yeah,” Matthew says. “Yeah.”

“No fucking kidding.”

“I didn’t tell him about the hard drive,” Matthew adds. “That was strictly Sasha’s mission. Technically I’m not required to report to him about it.”

“Okay,” Paul says. Faintly, Matthew can hear typing. He’s holding the phone so hard his hand hurts. “I — okay. I need to get some balls rolling. Can you take this phone back your place and store it securely?”

Matthew can. But— “Darryl knows my safe code. He’s not in the country, but he could be.”

“Doesn’t matter. Take it anyway. I need to be able to reach you.”

Matthew does it. He gets a distracted goodbye from Paul, and then has to stand there trying to focus his mind for several minutes. He leaves the hard drive in the safe and locks it again, and then wipes down everything he’s touched. If the place gets searched again, his fingerprints here won’t help anyone.

With Sasha’s phone shoved in his pocket, he heads home and hopes to hell Darryl doesn’t decide he needs to check in on him in person anytime soon.

[enassbraid]

mkay so hurt comfort request...what if rui/mizuki end up meeting the reader on the rooftop (by coincidence) only to find they're there for the exact same reason, to avoid bullying/teasing

“𝐈𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐡..”

A chance rooftop encounter and..?

Featuring Rui Kamishiro & Mizuki Akiyama

Hi anon, ask and you shall receive. Tried to keep the hurt and comfort well balanced here, so I hope you like. also this was supposed to be a lot longer but tumblr crashed and I lost my old draft…

Cw) themes of depression, brief suicide mention, brief transphobia in Mizuki’s part, cursing, isolation

Rui Kamishiro

Rui had a routine, one that was rarely broken. Even if he hated it, he’d always return to that loop of nothing. He chose the rooftop as ‘his spot’ specifically ‘cause it was rare for anyone else to visit it, a perfect escape from the cruel ridicules form his peers.

On this particular day, he realized someone was also on the rooftop. Though no where near him, rather, the whole other side. He didn’t bother speaking to you, not knowing what your intentions were or why you were even there. But at the same time, it sparked Rui’s curiosity.

Over the course of the next week, he noticed you were still there. It wasn’t a temporary thing? As selfish as Rui felt, he felt like his space was being invaded, despite it being a public area. But usually it was only him in this public area, like it was his. Ignoring all the screams of “don’t do it” ringing in his head, he decided to go up to you. Whether you wanted to talk or not was on you.

“Purple hair with a blue streak… unkempt appearance… are you, by any chance, Kamishiro Rui..?”

‘Unkempt appearance’ and a hair description felt a bit better than ‘weirdo guy,’ but could they ever just refer to him as his name?

“Yeah, that’s me. I’ve never really seen you around before, what’s your name?”

“(Full name), and you probably haven’t seen me around ‘cause I used to hideout in the bathroom… but I got found there, and it didn’t feel safe anymore, so I came up here. I heard this is the freak spot of the school, you and some other kid are who they talk about most when they bring it up.”

‘Some other kid’ rang in his ears, that’s Mizuki. He wanted to bring them up and how they haven’t been coming to school recently, but he refrained. He could tell you later, it didn’t feel appropriate talking about someone else with the current topic.

“I came to the rooftop one day to meet a friend, but it became a habit even if they aren’t on the rooftop on days. What do you mean hiding in the bathroom? And it didn’t feel safe anymore? If you’re okay with telling me… that is.”

You hesitated for a moment. Could you really tell a guy you just met about your whole bullying situation? But he also didn’t seem to know you, or even of you. It’s not like he’d get the idea. But the words couldn’t help but escape your mouth anyways.

“I get bullied a lot, y’know, the usual “Hider in the bathroom” story. Um… yeah, this school year hasn’t been the best… or the last few for that matter..”

Rui’s eyes focused on your face, your eyes held a solemn look as you spoke, as if there’s a deeper story you don’t wish to tell. He respected that, of course. This whole ‘first encounter’ is already deep enough.

“I can see where you’re coming from, I’m sure you already heard of me. I’m the weird guy who has sick and twisted ideas that are always harming people, as they say. I don’t think I’ve physically harmed anyone..”

His face scrunched up into a thinking look, making you chuckle softly. The rest of the lunch period went by without another word spoken. The silence was quiet, but a comfortable one nonetheless. When the bell rang, Rui didn’t bid a farewell, instead he only nodded his head and smiled, not giving you much time to return it.

The next few weeks went by as normal, boring and empty. But at least Rui had a new friend, someone to look forward too seeing. It felt a little less lonely on that rooftop now that it wasn’t just him and an occasional Mizuki. Although, if he did have one complaint, it’s that you didn’t talk a lot. Which he could understand, but in the back of his mind it felt like it was your way of saying “leave me alone.”

Which made him realize, he never got your number, or any other way to contact you outside of school. And Rui was far too anxious to talk to you in the halls or classes, worried about bringing unwanted attention to himself that could give more material for newer rumors. If you weren’t initiating more communication, did that mean something?

He tried not to think about it, he really did. But what if you were just as weirded out by him as everyone else? And you were only using him for company too feel less alone? What if…

“Hey, (Name), are we… friends?”

His question caught you off guard, it was so.. random. Not only was it the first thing he’s said to you all day, but you thought it was clear you guys were somewhat close enough to consider each other friends. Did he not see it?

“Of course we are Rui. I’m sorry if this comes off weird, but you’re honestly my only friend..”

Your only friend? He didn’t know whether to feel bad or honored, maybe both? Your response reassured him, visibly relaxing a tad bit more into your presence.

“We graduate soon, don’t we? What school are you planning to attend?”

He almost forgot you were in the same grade as him, and that graduation was slowly creeping up on you two. He never really thought about the future that much, not even knowing if he’d make it or not. Where did he wanna go next..

“I’m not sure, I think my mom is enrolling me in some random school around here, I don’t know which one though. What about you?”

“Kamiyama, I think. My parents were pushing me towards the girl’s academy, so they could have enrolled me without letting me know.”

He knew he wasn’t going to Kamiyama, the name didn’t ring a bell nor did he think of it. So this was most likely the last school year you’d see each other, isn’t it? For some reason, Rui felt genuine sadness. Not an “oh this is the last time we’ll see each other in school” feeling, but an “oh…” feeling. He didn’t know you nearly as long as Mizuki, but something about your rooftop meetings meant more than they should have to Rui. He got too accustomed.

That was one of the last times you two talked before graduating. There was never a number exchange, only a “nice knowing you.” The farewell was bittersweet, but it is what it is, you thought.

The first year at Kamiyama went by faster than you’d have liked. There was a weird classmate you had that you acquainted yourself with. He was… loud, but friendly. Having someone like that as your friend made it easier to get to know others. After all, this was a fresh start. There were more students at Kamiyama than your junior high, potential friends were everywhere. It was a sweet reassurance in your mind.

The break before second year was a lot less lonely than the previous year, but there was still something missing. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but there was something you yearned for that wasn’t there. It felt selfish, after so long you aren’t being ridiculed, and you’re still looking for more than that.

You didn’t like thinking about junior high, it was too painful to relive. But you knew it had something to do with it, but what? You start your second year at Kamiyama tomorrow, maybe you could pin point it there.

The new first years were… interesting. Individually they were all okay, but if you group them, it’s certainly a unique group. But one of their names sounded familiar, so maybe it would be worth your while talking to them. This year was looking good so far, really good. But…

“(Name), I knew you looked familiar. You’ve grown a lot, how have you been?”

That voice was one you knew all too well. Slowly turning around, you easily identified the owner of the voice. Rui

His hair is shorter, and he doesn’t look unkempt at all compared to when you last saw him. His eyes aren’t lacking the light they lacked before, and he’s tall.

“Rui? You said you weren’t going to be at Kamiyama, what are you doing here?”

“Well.. there was an incident at my last school, and they had to transfer me. Apparently explosive aren’t okay to use on school property!”

“You didn’t think that before!?”

The two of you broke out into laughter, genuine laughter. Not the awkward laughs or chuckles you’d give on the rooftop. It was only now you realized how depressed both of you were back then, not even capable of giving real emotion back to each other.

“So why did you choose Kamiyama? Did you miss me?” You were joking, kinda. You do wish he missed you though.

“Ah, well that and I know a couple others attending here. My one childhood friend and another friend from junior high, I believe I mentioned them too you before. Their names are Nene Kusanagi & Mizuki Akiyama.”

So that was the familiar name, Akiyama. It was better to introduce yourself now then later after so long of knowing of them.

“I’m sure we have a lot to catch up on, what do you say we go out to eat after classes?”

The way Rui spoke softly and with a smile made you understand that empty feeling you had before. You were missing Rui. He was the missing puzzle piece.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

Mizuki Akiyama

You’re not sure if meeting Mizuki was the best or worst thing to ever happen to you. You always tried to steer clear of others, avoid any cruel remarks at all costs. Lunchtime was the worst time of day if you couldn’t run away. For a while, you just endured being bullied during the free period, slowly starting to not care about food getting thrown at you or being humiliated in front of everyone.

At some point, you heard of a ‘freak who can’t comprehend identity’ hid on the rooftop ‘like a pussy’ to avoid humiliation. These words spiked your interest, were they seriously just bullying people to the point of hiding outdoors? And not ashamed of themselves?

Your mind wandered to this ‘freak.’ What made them consider them a freak? You knew from experience they couldn’t be too bad, just looking at the situation they put you in. If they’re hiding in the rooftop all the time, then maybe…

Slowly, you made your way up the stairwell, all the way to the top. The rooftop. With hesitation, you opened the door, met with the cool breeze from outside. It felt a lot less stuffy up here, and wondered why people didn’t come up here usually, it’s a nice view and comfortable. I’m getting off track you thought.

Your eyes scanned for this mysterious kid, not exactly knowing what you should be looking for. Did they have long hair or short hair? Sweater or no sweater? But judging by the way your peers said it, there should only be one person up here. And you think you just found them.

“What do you want.. here to tell me what I am and what I can’t be?”

They spoke first, annoyance clearly lingering in their voice. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea…

“I um, heard about you.. the kids that were bullying me said you hide up here a lot, and I just wanted to, yknow, meet you? I guess..”

“Meet me?”

Mizuki never knew people thought they were someone worth wanting to meet. But at the same time, their guard was still up. What if they sent you so they can keep getting picked on? Of course those guys would stoop that low.

“Yeah, I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions like this, but it seemed like you were in a similar situation? With being ridiculed and bullied. We don’t have to be friends or anything, just… acquainted.”

Acquaintances, friends, companions, so many different words to describe someone who keeps you from being alone. Is there really any difference in the end? Mizuki was full of reluctance, but their heart told them to ‘go for it, meet someone new.’

“You can sit here, I don’t have lunch though, so if you don’t and you’re hungry, you’re out of luck.”

“Actually I do have something, yakisoba. Do you wanna split it?”

Splitting yakisoba wasn’t anything Mizuki hasn’t heard of, but it’s not something they’ve ever seen people do in front of them, let alone be the one apart of splitting it. It was certainly new. But, today they’re already on a roll with trying new things.

“Sure…”

You pulled out the container holding the yakisoba, keeping it warm and fresh throughout the time it was in your bag. Opening the lid made the strong scent hit yours and Mizuki’s nose almost immediately, it smelt good. Really good in fact it reminded Mizuki how they should have ate something today by now.

“Doesn’t it smell good? I made it myself. But I haven’t tried it yet, so I don’t know if the flavor is as good as it’s scent..”

“Well that makes me your food critic doesn’t it? Lemme get the first bite.”

They moved closer holding their utensil over the container, careful not to get anything on their uniform. Taking a medium portion into their mouth, the flavor exploded on their tongue. This was really good.

“You did such a good job! This tastes amazing… um..”

Your name, they were going to say your name, if they knew it. Your face twisted with concern, was the aftertaste terrible?

“Is there something wrong? Sorry if I messed something up…”

“No no! You didn’t mess anything up, I just don’t know your name. If.. you don’t mind sharing it?”

Right, you guys never properly introduced yourselves. This was a slightly random meeting, but you could have sworn you introduced yourself.

“I’m (Full Name), sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…”

“It’s all good, I’m Mizuki Akiyama, you can just call me Mizuki. Although I would have thought you heard my name around cause of how much everyone talks about me.”

Their name suited them, a lot. It was a pretty name for a pretty person. Only now are you able to get a better look at their face. You averted your eyes before Mizuki could catch you staring.

“Uh, well then, Mizuki. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

[brienneoftarth1989]

Heya! I hope your requests are still open :3

I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna write a Miranda Hilmarson x f!reader where reader is a detective that chose Miranda to help her on a case (they secretly have been crushing on each other for a while now) and they kinda get closer and confess their feelings? Happy ending and maybe some Smut if you feel comfy enough?

I absolutely LOVE your works and I’ve had this idea in my head for a while now but I have NO experience in writing Miranda what so ever xD

Hope you enjoy this! I loved writing this and I’m so glad you enjoy my work. I love knowing that people enjoy it!

Rubbish Detective NSFW

Larissa Weems x fem reader

Summary: read request

Warnings: graphic description of injuries, mention of rape, serial killer mentioned which is based on real person, fingering, cunnilingus, almost caught, happy ending, just smut.

Requests Open

———————————

Since being promoted to detective it has been absolutely manic at the station. You were told by your superior that most detectives don’t get major cases until a couple months down the line but you seemed to be very lucky considering you were currently dealing with a serial killer that seems to be targeting women. They are currently known as The Eyeball Killer because once they have killed their victim they surgically remove both their eyeballs.

At the moment you believe they are doing this because they want some kind of trophy from each victim, or they have some weird obsession with eyeballs. You were currently sitting in your office trying to come up with any kind of leads. You were looking at his first victim Mary Lou Pratt. She was found shot in the back of the head but the post mortem showed that her eyes had been surgically removed.

Ok so you have one piece of information. The killer has good surgical skills, maybe they have medical training? Maybe they practised really well before trying their skills on a person but either way they managed to get the eyeballs out of their sockets without causing too much damage to the surrounding tissue.

You also knew that Mary Lou had stolen some goods from a warehouse. You did think that maybe it was someone who held a grudge but this would have been quite the over reaction for stealing some goods with low value. You followed that lead for a while but it went cold. Around the same time a young woman named Veronica came down to the station and reported that she had been raped and he tried to kill her.

You could tell she had been attacked due the fact she had a massive head wound. She had been seen again a week later with some guy in a truck. You decided to have the vehicle pulled over to see if she was ok hoping the guy she was with might have been the killer but you had no such luck and his story checked out.

At the moment you had no leads and there was nothing you could do until they attacked again because at the moment there was no moving forward. You hated when cases came to a halt like this because the only way you could move forward resulted in someone else dying. You sat in your office with your head in your hands until you were startled by your office phone ringing.

You shot up hoping that something related to your case was coming through. “Detective y/ln speaking” you answered. “Detective, a body has been found. A young woman, half naked, head wound and no eyes” they stated. You immediately knew that this was The Eyeball Killer’s doing. “Send me over the address, I’m on my way” you said as you waited for them to fax over the address.

You walked out of your office with the piece of paper and went to find your colleague. “Miranda, we have a development in the case. You're with me for the rest of this case. I believe we have a serial killer on our hands” you said to her as you quickly walked past her to which she followed.

There were two reasons why you chose Miranda as your partner for the rest of this case. One she was a really good constable and always came up with great ideas but the second and most important reason was that you had this huge crush on her and you just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. You knew that Miranda didn’t feel the same hence why you have never said anything so just spending time with her was enough instead.

You both made your way to the squad car with you getting in the driver side of the car and Miranda getting in the passenger seat. “So what lead do we have this time?” Miranda asked. “We have just had a call stating that a half naked young woman has been found. Killed in the same way as the very first victim.

“Oh shit. We better get down there quick. Hopefully we will be able to follow a good lead this time that will get us further in identifying the killer” she said as you started the engine and sped off in the direction of where the body was found. The journey was silent due to you both trying to mentally prepare yourself for what you were about to see and praying that this lead will get you somewhere this time. You don’t want more innocent people to die.

When you arrived you were greeted by the officers already on scene. “What do we know so far?” you asked as you and Miranda walked into the crime scene which happened to be a motel room. “Ok so we have managed to identify her due to her having her ID on her. The victim is 27 year old Susan Peterson. She was found half naked with her top pulled up to reveal her breasts” the officer said.

“Just like the first victim, so we are definitely dealing with the same killer” you said as you and Miranda walked over to the body. You and Miranda assessed the body with you calling out what you could see while Miranda made a note of everything you said. “Victim has a gunshot wound to the back of the head as well as her left breast. I’m going to say the bullet has entered the heart but won’t know until the autopsy.

“There is one more thing you should know, detective,” the officer said to you. “Yes and what is that?” you asked. “Apparently she told her parole officer that she knew who Mary Lou’s killer was. I reckon that’s why she was the next victim” he said plainly. “Fuck sake!” you shouted as you stormed off the crime scene. That was just your luck. Your one lead had been killed and she actually had information that would have aided the case.

Miranda followed you making sure you were ok. You went straight to the front desk and asked for a room as you just needed somewhere to sit and think for 10 minutes. They handed over a key and as you went to turn around you ended up walking straight into Miranda. “Shit, I’m sorry Miranda, I just need 10 minutes to think” you said as you looked at the key number and went to find the room.

“I will come with you. We can just sit and chat. It doesn’t even need to be about the case. A distraction might help at a time like this” she said as she squeezed your shoulder gently trying to reassure you. This is why you liked her. Well not only is she beautiful but she had an amazing personality and a caring soul. You just wished she felt the same.

When you got into the room you just sat down on the only double bed and just laid back trying to absorb all the information that had been thrown at you in the last half an hour. You let out a huge sigh. “I feel bad for the families. Like who knows what their last words to them were. Were things left on good terms? Just makes you think about things. You never really know when your last day on this planet is, so you might as well do things you want and say the things that deep down you want to say” she said while playing with her hands.

She had a point. “I think you're right about that Miranda” you said not really knowing what to say. You wanted to tell her how you felt but you were currently on a job and you didn’t think it was the right time but when was the time ever right? You thought about saying something until you felt Miranda’s hand grip your thigh quite high up.

You shot your head to look at her. “Well I just wanted to say, considering I was just saying we should always speak what’s on our minds while we still have the chance. I just wanted to say that I really like you y/n. I have since the moment I first met you. I didn’t say anything before because I didn’t know what your reaction would be and considering we are co-workers I didn’t want to make things awkward” she said to you while caressing your thigh.

That’s it you’re officially the worst detective in the world. How could you not tell that the woman you had been crushing on for ages also felt the exact same way. You didn’t know how to respond so you did the only thing you could think of at that moment and that was to kiss her.

You brought your hand to cup her face and slowly leaned in for a gentle yet passionate kiss. Miranda relaxed into your grasp before finally responding to the kiss. The gentle and passionate kiss eventually turned into something more desperate. When you finally pulled away for air you both just rested your foreheads on one another waiting for the other to say something.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this to happen” Miranda whispered as she grazed your lips. “We have the time, why don’t I show you how desperate I have been for this moment” you whispered as you connected your lips once again. You moaned into the kiss as you grabbed her vest and took it off her, throwing it onto the floor.

You pushed Miranda onto the bed as you then crawled onto her body trailing kisses from the base of her neck all the way to her lips. Miranda let out a moan as you teased her neck with your kisses. You leaned back so you could unbutton her shirt which revealed a black bra which hugged her breasts perfectly which caused you to moan at the sight of her.

You let your hands trail around her back so you could unclasp her bra. As soon as that was off you gently kissed down from her neck to her perfect breasts, playing with one as you teased her hardened bud with your tongue on the other. You watched as Miranda moaned at the pleasure. You continued to tease her breasts before then starting your descent down to her pants.

You made quick work getting those off but just as you were about to remove her panties she flipped you on your back so she could strip you of your own clothing. I guess it was only fair to be stripped down as well. You moaned as she kissed all over your body and removed your clothing piece by piece before you were both just left sitting on the bed in your underwear.

You both just stared at each other before both letting out a little laugh. “I never thought this would happen Miranda. I’ve dreamed about this for ages but never did I believe we would be here doing this right now” you said as you looked straight into Miranda’s eyes. “I’ve wanted this from the moment I met you y/n. Now come here I want you to fuck me like you have been dreaming of for ages” she whispered as she pulled you towards her.

You pushed Miranda on her back before going straight down to where she needed you most. “Mmm you’re so wet for me Miranda. Do I really turn you on this much” you moaned as you stared at the dark wet patch that was left on her panties. You traced the wet patch with the tip of your finger as you watched as she bucked her hips into your hand.

“Please y/n stop being a tease. I need to feel you inside me. I’m begging you please I need you to fuck me” she moaned. That was all you needed to hear. You ripped her panties from her body not caring anymore about them. You left small little kisses along the inside of her thigh trailing all the way up to her dripping cunt. You decided you wanted to tease Miranda so you gently blew on her clit but never touched it before continuing your trail of kisses back down her other thigh.

“Please y/n! I ne..need to feel you! I want you to m..make me cum!” she moaned as she absently bucked her hips trying to get some kind of friction against nothing. You didn’t want to keep teasing her so finally you took a long slow lick along her folds before finally focusing on her clit tracing patterns all over it. She tasted amazing and you wanted to worship her body forever. You gazed up into Miranda’s eyes as you picked up your pace with your tongue.

You trailed your hands up her body so you could play with her breasts while you continued to eat her out. You could stay there forever licking at her dripping cunt as you continued to suck harder on her clit and pinching her nipples ever so slightly. Miranda let out a gasp before letting out a deep moan. You could tell she was in ecstasy and you didn’t want her to stop until she was screaming your name.

“Fuck y/n, don’t stop, don’t stop ahhh right there baby, just like that!” she moaned as she finally made eye contact with you which just caused her to throw her head back again in pleasure at the thought of you watching her get closer and closer to her orgasm. You felt her start to grind her pussy into your mouth which just showed how close she was to cumming. “Cum for me baby, I want to taste every last drop of cum you have for me” you moaned into her pussy. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m cumming y/n! Don’t stop! Right there! Make me cu..ahhh” she screamed as she finally felt her release.

You let her ride out her orgasm on your tongue before slowly pulling away and leaning up to kiss Miranda so she could taste herself on your lips. “Mmm fuck that was amazing y/n” she whispered before continuing to kiss you tasting every last drop of cum that just came from her pussy. “Now I think it’s time I return the favour” she giggled as she once again flipped you on your back so she could dominate you.

She pinned your arms above your head as she trailed kisses down your body, between your breasts and down to your dripping cunt. She eventually let go of your arms letting them rest on your breasts as she gently squeezed them. You kept your arms above your head though wanting to please the woman in front of you. This was a dream come true and you couldn’t wait for Miranda to fuck the shit out of you.

As Miranda made her way to your cunt she traced a finger up and down your folds which caused you to let out this ungodly moan. “Please I need to feel you inside me” you moaned as you held intense eye contact with the woman who was about to bury her face in your pussy. With that Miranda slowly entered a single finger into your dripping wet core.

You moaned at the sudden sensation of her inside of you as you then felt her tongue on your clit. “Fuck Miranda! More! I need more!” you moaned as you then felt Miranda add another finger to your core before then picking up her movements on your clit. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer. “Don’t stop! That's it, right there! Fuck I’m going to cum!” you screamed as you finally felt the orgasm take over your body.

You felt the movement of her fingers slow down inside of you helping you ride out the rest of the orgasm before slowly removing them from your core. You watched as she then put her fingers in her mouth as she cleaned up your cum off her fingers. You moaned at the sight in front of you. Miranda then crawled up your body before leaving a small gentle kiss on your lips. “I want you to sit on my face” you moaned which caused Miranda to smile at your comment.

Just as she was about to position herself on your face you heard a bang on the door. “Detective, we think we have found something. You better come and have a look” you heard one of your colleagues say. “Umm yes. Just give me a minute and I will be out” you shouted back as you and Miranda just stayed there frozen in your position.

You both started laughing at the thought that the two of you could’ve just been caught. “Come on, we better get ourselves sorted. This case is far from over but trust me nor is this” you smiled at Miranda bringing her closer for one last kiss, for now.

[malusienki]

why does listening to classical music automatically make you “an old soul” “nerdy” “weird” “boring”

more under the cut (it’s long, sorry)

like? is it just me having a different standpoint or do i not get it? why is it that classical music is considered boring? what caused that? what???? im convinced the people saying these things have listened to like. vivaldi’s four seasons. boccherini’s minuet. offenbach’s can-can. and called it a day. these people probably don’t even know that it’s called “minuet” and only refer to the toreador march as the “fnaf song” <- (i don’t have anything against this per se, fnaf is a really cool thing i just never got into it fully and it only irks me just a little but that’s a whole other topic) without knowing what it’s from. now that goes to say i don’t expect everyone who criticizes and doesn’t like it to immediately go listen to the entire library of classical music and be enlightened but it’s a little offputting when you go out of your way to continuously remind someone that they’re weird for listening to and enjoying operas and/or classical music.

that last little bit was taken from what my friend— or i guess ex-friend now but the term still seems unfamiliar— would kind of do to me but to a lower degree i think. they said they found my interest in opera cool and would .. kind of listen to my rants and stuff and i appreciate it but then they’d go and make offhand comments about how weird i was and would use my interest in opera to sort of like.. “you can’t be talking you like OPERA” in a jokey manner i guess? that sort of thing. i thought that was normal and even though it hurt my feelings, it was all jokes, yeah? [i recognize now that thats not how that works and even though occasional jokes are okay your interests should never be the butt of the “joke” if it’s constantly repeated and hurts your feelings] and i think people don’t realize how much of a foundation classical music in itself is. i cannot tell you how many times i’ve recognized a piece to be a fragment from an opera or a mozart composition or like.. jeez i don’t fucking know, beethoven. out in the wild. in pop music, in movies, in shows, etc. even instagram reels/tiktok. if you frequent those you’ll come to find that there are a lot of trending “audios” using like.. lacrimosa or vivaldi’s four seasons or fuckin like prokofiev’s dance of the knights or act II of swan lake. i remember my mom was watching a netflix movie, a fucking cheesy ass romance or something, and there was a moment where the flower duet from lakmé played. the goddamn mario movie has a clip of carmen’s “l’amour est un oiseau rebelle”/the habanera within the first like, what. ten? fifteen minutes? i might be getting needlessly annoyed but it’s really fucking aggravating getting told i’m weird for liking something supposedly no one else under the age of 50 does. thanks guys. i really appreciate your supportiveness— but that’s besides the point.

my main reason that i’m even writing this is because my assumption (of course, this is most likely an incorrect assumption because i’m only 15 and only have so much life experience) is that the same people who often go around saying that classical music is boring and dull are the ones who are constantly wanting to push the arts to be funded. if you’re gonna fund the arts, fund ALL of them. not just “‘“‘“modern”””” stuff. not just musical theatre or plays. i think people forget that? maybe they ignore it. maybe they just don’t know. that’s why education is so important.

now that being said, i know seeing an opera or going to a concert can be expensive— and i wish that wasn’t the case. there’s always free livestreams, there’s always concerts, there’s albums, youtube videos, i know when i was in chicago i listened to the classical radio, etc. nothing beats seeing these things live in the theatre but it’s better than nothing i think?

also, i don’t mean to say classical is better than anything i mentioned above. no. i’m just sick and fucking tired of being told this and that about my interest when all i want to do is to be happy and consume something in peace without being hardcore judged for it and i really appreciate the small little operablr community.

there’s definitely more that i missed to this so if i think of anything more i’ll add on to it but i’m just… hrrrrgggg anger rage frustration. head in hands. so tired.

thank you for your time

[toobz-drawz]

Wanted For Dead

Ace Frehley x Reader

Warnings: You do die at the end of this because I’m not making a cliff hanger again, alien sex, Ace has a alien dick wowzer, Dom/sub???, also blood but not much gore.

Summary: You’ve been on the run from Ace who happens to be a bounty hunter wanting to acquire the cash prize for you dead, yet things go not according to plan.

Additional Information: This is of the many fanfics I’m about to crank out according to the poll I did a few weeks ago, yes, I’ll get to the many KISS members who have 0 fanfics so you don’t feel like no one cares enough to make anything on them. (Please don’t be afraid to ask me about imagines or prompts you want me to do of said character.)

Characters: 14,495

I’ve been on the run for what seems like forever.

I haven’t spent a second resting, that only makes me lazy and slow. I won’t spend a moment not running from him..Oh lord, he’s had me on the edge of my seat ever since our first encounter. Every corner or turn I take has my heart pounding, wondering if he’s near, ready to blow my brains out and serve me to the man who personally paid to kill me on a silver fucking platter. 

I mean all I did was just break a few couple of guys’ hearts, and took their precious family jewels and money with me. 

I didn’t think I would be wanted for dead just for that! I kept a gun on my side just In case I did have to face him or anyone else who wanted that chase prize one on one. I hid my face with a red bandanna and cowboy hat so no one could see my full face, except the eyes that would pierce your soul. I rode on my horse day in and day out, and I was just fine with that, if I got around living this life I’d be fine with that too. Forgot to mention that I May-haps killed a few men too back in the day, leaving them with only a red stained kiss mark on their cheek so they’d know who killed them. 

That was until one day I got a bit sloppy, my feet were killing me and I needed a second to settle down somewhere for a drink or two. I was in a small town, and luckily there was a saloon. I walked in, made my way to the counter, and ordered myself a beer. My throat was killing me, I had ran out of water in my canteen a while ago, and desperately needed to fill up before taking my leave to the next town.

One drink turned into two and two became twice as many bottles of liquor that I would have liked. My head rested on the cool counter, head fuzzy and liquor running down my chin. Glasses surrounded me, a glass half empty of booze was in my hand. 

As I said, I got lazy and you know what happens now to people who get lazy.

The door to the saloon opened, you could hear loud foot steps behind me. The person who just walked in sat beside me, I felt their eyes digging a whole into my skull, so I lifted my head up from off of the counter and looked at who had joined me other than the drunks in the background making a bunch of ruckus. My vision was hazy, I couldn’t make out the figure, until my brain started to focus on things. I blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, and it wasn’t just the alcohol taking effect on my vision. The man sitting next to me had a blue tint to his skin, dark blue blotches scattered across his skin, and his face was covered in some kind of marking..? Although the only thing that had me almost spit out my liquor was the makeup and lipstick on his face, no man who stepped foot in a small town or any town Frank would want to be cat called by the drunks and asked if they wanted to sleep with them cause the man looked girly enough to be called such vile things. 

He wore skin tight black clothing, with a silver belt and a weird triangular piece that covered his chest. I almost started bursting out laughing at the guy because of his attire, it looked to ridiculous, I mean how could anyone take this guy seriously! 

His yellow bright eyes dug holes into my forehead, he looked as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t spit it out immediately, so I was the first to break the silence between us. “How about you take a picture it’ll last longer”. I spat out in slurs. He looked disgusted, seeing me in such a state. It only took me a few seconds before realizing that his gun was pressed up against my forehead. “Woah there, don’t get too ahead of yourself. Hey, aren’t you the one I’m running from?” I had no clue what I was saying, the words just kind of fell from out of my mouth. I pushed the gun away from my forehead, so I could sit up and not have my spine screaming at me from the awful position I had been sitting in.  “Well sweetheart…” The way he said the words sweetheart just fell out so smoothly against his tongue, and don’t get me started on his accent too..I repeated the word many times, before having to knock myself out of the state I was in to focus on what the man had to say. 

“How about we just go outside and get this over with shall we? I mean it’s only fair that you get to see the stars one final time before I blow your brains out from the crimes that you have committed.” He said smooth and simple, letting me have an option that no other bounty hunter would let me have. I smiled at the man who still held me at gun point, which was odd for me— well, for anyone to do really! Especially at a time where I’m so close to death. Yet I’ve been waiting for someone to put me out of my misery. “I’d like that, thank you..Although I do have one last wish to make, I still have one final heart to break before I would like to go.”  I took a swig of the booze that was in my firm grip. He’d flipped his gun, sliding it back into his holster. He seemed unamused with anything that had been going on at the moment, not giving a care in the world at all that he was about to kill a woman as if he had done it one too many times to give a damn. A mission is a mission and he wouldn’t stop for a second depending on the gender or race. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to break yours in the gutter as my final wish.” He took the words I had said to him a back, he looked shocked to say the least, watching his expression on his face change and his pupils grow small. “Excuse me?” He asked, confused if he heard what I said correctly, questioning if it was just the alcohol making me talk or if it was the honest to god truth. “You heard what I said, I don’t need to repeat myself do I?” We sat there in silence, staring into one another’s eyes, before he took a deep breath and exhaled out loud. He turned himself around, hopping off of his seat, making his way to the front, then signaling to me to follow him and that’s just what I did. I followed him outside to the side of the saloon. 

The night sky was so bright, the stars lit up the sky, making it seemed so peaceful outside. 

He pulled me by my blouse before slamming me into the brick wall, “Better make this quick, because I have a whole lot of other people next on my list so don’t feel so special now all of a sudden, got it?” I swallowed hard, nodding in response. 

He ripped my bandanna off, while his other hand grabbed a hold of my jaw, forcing me to open my jaw wide open, just for him to shove the dirty ol’ thing into my mouth so I’d be quiet. Wouldn’t want anybody to get suspicious and see the two of us getting down at ass crack of midnight. “Don’t make a sound for me, alright pretty girl?” I nodded, with that said, his needy hands grabbed a hold of my hips, running his hands up and down my curves, stopping them at my ass. He’d lift me up, supporting some of my weight against the wall, as if it was second nature to me I wrapped my legs around his skinny hips. My hands would find their way to his neck and hair, his hair surprisingly felt so soft, shame I’d ruffle it up and get it tangled in my grasp in the end.

It wouldn’t be long until he quit being so soft with my body and started to do a damn thing. His hands would start to unbutton my blouse, hastily trying to expose my body to him so he could get a burning image of me stuck in his head forever. Once the blasted thing was off, and the cold had hit my body faster than his eyes could settle on my tear drop breasts, luckily for him I didn’t wear bras, so he got a good look of the pretty girls without no further conflict, he attacked them almost immediately. His lips connected itself to one of my nipples, his hand grabbed onto the other breast that was left all alone and started fiddling with the bud, his digits felt so rough against my skin, but yet made my nipples rock hard. His actions made me squirm and whine in his grasp. His gaze shot up to my face, seeing me so vulnerable and soft just made him feel more In control of me than he already was. The man I once ran from, scared out of my wits to face, littered my chest in bruises and bites, only making me beg for more of this torture but sadly was muffled due to the bandanna. My legs squeezed his hips, as I make a failed attempt to rub my clothed crotch against his, trying to relieve the now pent up pleasure. I wanted desperately for him to come and scratch me. He could see how pained I was, and felt the same way in the moment. Removing his head from my chest, while his hands started to remove the bottom half of his outfit that hugged his skin so tight that you could see every single detail and curve of his body. He pulled out his half hardened cock from out of its confinements. I looked down in between us to see how big he was at the moment and I swore to god I thought I was going to be seeing more than just the stars after he was done with me from just the guess of his length, I couldn’t make out too much due to it being so dark outside. “Too eager are we? You don’t even have you pants pulled down and you want me to fuck you till you’re too drunk on my cock to say anything.” He put me down, I made do with my pants and pulled them down all the way, pulling them off my feet, just before getting my body tangled with his again. His hands held my thighs, face now stuffed in between my neck and shoulder, with heavy breathing fanning against my skin. Show you how pent up he really was. At first I didn’t notice his unusual dick that was laying on the inside of my thigh, it appeared skinny at the tip and big at the base with a bumpy pattern on the bottom side of his shaft. I’d take any dick but his was unusual, it didn’t surprise me at this point cause this man was full of surprises and looked of it too.

My head laid against the cold brick wall, my gaze fixated on the night sky, while the man who still had no name to his face proceeded to put my soaking wet underwear to the side, running a finger in between my folds, gathering up my slick juices. His digits ran past my aching clit, and I swear to god I could already see my vision go blurry just by him giving my clit just a bit of attention it ached so badly for. 

I decided to get brave finally, by removing my hand from his hair, grabbing a hold of his jaw and forcing him to look me dead in the eye, before spitting out my bandanna which hit his face. “You listen here bounty hunter…I’m giving you the count of 3 to start fucking me or so god help me because If you haven’t already noticed I don’t like to be gentle or slow in this particular situation…” His yellow eyes were as bright as the stars in the sky, blinking at you for a couple of moments, then suddenly attacking your neck, biting as hard into your skin— just enough to break the skin and make you bleed. This action made you gasp, the first noise he heard escape from your lips and it made me want to hear more from you. You let go of his jaw, grabbing on tightly to his shoulders, you let your head fall to the side for him to get a better angle as he littered your neck too. You’d hear him muffle a name, confused you pull yourself away from him and look at him. “My name is Ace..” He spoke softly, suddenly out of no where he slams himself inside of you, knocking the wind out of your breath as you try your hardest to scream out in pain as you feel him fill you up to the brim, stretching your insides as much as they could possibly go, feeling the stinging pain that jolted throughout your body in waves. Ace let you take a moment to get used to his length. 

Your pussy hugged his dick so tightly, spasming around his length, hungry for more action than just this. Ace pinned you against the wall, digging his finger tips into your skin, leaving crescent marking on your soft skin, as he started to fuck you at such a brutal pace. You wish you hadn’t spat out that bandanna right about now. You had covered your mouth with your hand, digging your nails into your cheeks, as you let your noises pour from out of your mouth muffled. His length slid past your gummy walls, making such vile noises, as he pounded you firmly against the wall. It felt like his dick was wiggling from inside of your pussy as if it had a mind of its own, the tip found the spots inside of you that made you squeal from such pleasure. “You’ll be the death of me when I’m finished with you, god why do I have to kill someone so pretty like you..?” Aces mouth started to run, too busy fucking you inside and out to realize what he was saying was too out of character for him. I bounced up and down his cock whenever it got a chance to, making me seem too desperate for him. I ripped my hand away from my face, my palm was covered in drool as well as my chin. “I need you to cum inside of me— please, that’s all I ask for mon amor..” I spoke out in between moans. His pace started to get sloppy, I could tell he was as close as I was. Ace wasn’t even pulling out anymore, he’d pull only the slightest out before pounding back into my pussy as if I was a drug to him he wanted desperately to get so high on that he’d do anything for just to get his hands on. 

Not much longer after that, he hit a spot inside of me, that had me throwing my head back against the brick wall and moaning out his name, before cumming all over his cock. My eyes rolled into the back of my skull, as he fucked me through my high. “Fuck— fuck, fuck, I’m close..” he warned me. Wrapping his arms around my bottom half of my torso, thrusting into me one last time, before he too came tumbling down and cumming as hard and as deep inside of me as he could. 

We took time to exchange eye contact and heavy panting. He pulled out of me, leaving me with sticky thighs. Ace started to pull himself together, putting his clothing back in its rightful place, waiting for me to pull my pants back up so people wouldn’t find me naked and dead in the gutter. 

I pulled my pants up, stuffed my bandanna in my pocket, huffing out loud in defeat. I held my hands behind my head, walking to the front of the saloon, and head up to the sky. I heard the sound of Ace pulled out his gun from out of his holster, just imagining how he looked aiming the gun to the point he had a clear shot of my head. 

The stars took my focus off of the blow that hit my skull with so my force the next seconds all I could see was pure black. 

Ace blew at his guns smoke, not looking at my dead body on the ground that was painting the dirt and dust a deep red color, and got onto his horse that was not too far from the saloon, now riding off into the night to seek his well deserved cash prize. 

[onewmin]

the perfume on the shelf. pt. 10 | bangchan

Pairings: Bang Chan x Fem!reader, Kim Yugyeom x Fem!reader

Summary: Falling in love with your best friend was never a part of the plan. So you end it up. But does he want to put a stop to it, too?

Warnings: AU, Yugyeom is being the voice of reason, the reader and Chan are insufferable (mostly the reader), description of a poor relationship with the parents, mentions of a sexual assault, cursing, the appearance of an ex-girlfriend, an airport cliché, some typos. The narration jumping from the past to the present tense is intentional

Gaeul means ‘autumn’ (just in case :))

Author’s note: hey! I’ve been absent for quite a long time, and couldn’t give you anything better thank this, sorry </3. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was going to get worse, lol. This part is quite long, btw. I’m trying my best to finish this series, that’s why it’s taking me longer than usual to post. I’ll try my best to post a new part either once in two weeks or once a month. Hope you’re still interested in the series. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading <3

Disclaimer: the names and appearances of real people are used for inspiration and writing purposes only. I do not claim anything, everything belongs to its owners.

Part 9 | Part 11

You hated the countryside. Or the idea of staying there with your parents. You didn’t figure that out yet.

To begin with, you absolutely despised the long hours it took you to get to the place. When your parents abruptly decided to change their place of living, moving from their apartment to the semi-detached house in the village four hours away from Seoul (the house that was used solely for summer vacation previously), you were definitely not pleased. With your forever unfinished psychological separation from the family, you knew better than anybody else that you’d have no choice but to come and see them, at least, once a month at the weekend — especially when it happened in summer.

Moreover? Honestly, there were too many things to add to this. For starters, you hated you father’s guts. Despite having been raised as someone who was supposed to respect their elders without a question, you couldn’t but roll your eyes every time he opened his mouth. And when you’d vent to your mom, she… She would be defending her husband’s actions, always. Even when he was in the wrong.

Sitting at the dinner table with them, you silently chewed on your salad, another weird show about politics running as a background. Your parents would throw in the most obscure of their opinions, the ones that made you sick to your stomach — but you wouldn’t dare to say anything. ‘Cause you outgrew the phase of arguing with them, trying to prove them wrong, trying to get through their hatred and prejudices. You were too grown to try and change two almost senior citizens so that they wouldn’t hate everyone who differed from them in any capacity.

Your cat meowed, stretching her paws on the armchair beside you. Whenever you thought about a family, she would be the only creature who came to mind.

“Do you feel like you’ve separated?” You therapist asked.

You shrugged your shoulders. “Sometimes it feels like it. But”, you gulped, “sometimes I would find myself being too engrossed in the family drama”.

She hummed. “That’s what they want from you. To continue being involved. To continue being the only thing that unites them”.

“I’m pretty sure they’d be fine without me”. You huffed. “My mom loves her husband too much to even think about how miserable he makes her life to be”.

“Would you remind me, please, how long they were dating before getting married?”

“Two months”.

“How long had they been living together, just the two of them?”

You scratched your chin. “Ummm… Never, I guess. My grandma lives with them now.”

“Something always unites your parents, and it never seems to be the love they have for each other. It’s either you or your grandmother”. Your therapist took her glasses off and looked you in the eyes. “When one of the elements disappears, or both of them do, they’ll have nothing in common anymore”.

You shook your head back then, and you were shaking it now too. Your parents might have been the worst example of a healthy relationship, however, they both held onto the toxicity. You father did it for the sake of comfort, as you mother had always been the breadwinner of the family — the matriarch, if you will. She provided him with a home, paid for his higher education, paid all the bills while he was not, in fact, bringing home the bacon, quite the opposite, actually; and she never noticed his utterly shitty behavior. Or she chose to ignore his vile habits of breaking your heart, your will, your love for him as a father.

Your mother never cared about it. Ignorance is a blessing, after all.

“We’ll have guests tonight”, your mother said when you were helping her with the dishes. “Don’t lock yourself in your room, please”.

“Who’s going to come?”

A playful smile was shining on her lips. “It’s a surprise”.

You’re let out a deep sigh, not expecting anything good to come out of it. It was either your annoying aunt, who’d preach about you not being married when her daughter, who was your age, was divorced twice and heading towards her third marriage; or it was someone else from your relatives — maybe your father’s creepy elder brother, who used to touch you inappropriately when you were a kid. No, no way it was him — your mother hated his guts too. Too bad she didn’t hate her husband who never cut off his older brother for groping both his child and wife. Too bad.

As you were done with the dishes you left your mom to play with your cat, and went to the back door, to seclude yourself in the patio your parents never used until there were guests. All you wanted was some peace and quiet in this mad house.

You didn’t even have a minute to start another crochet project when your phone buzzed.

“Oh god, Yugyeom, another cat meme?” You mumbled as you opened the app. Fortunately, it wasn’t a meme.

“A little bird told me we’re coming to your family’s country house. Wasn’t my idea”.

You chuckled. “Right. They definitely want to play matchmakers”.

“Great”. He responded. A couple of seconds later another message popped up. “It’s exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend”.

You smiled. “Yeah, me too”.

A couple of weeks passed after Youngjae’s birthday, and since then you and Yugyeom were speaking regularly. Followed each other on the social media again, exchanged your numbers. Although you did regret adding him on Instagram, as he kept on constantly sending you animal videos. Not that it was annoying, it was just… Unusual. You were not used to male attention after Chan.

Oh no, not again. Shut up.

You didn’t allow yourself to drown in the memories of him. It got better, day by day, but it was still an open wound. Even though it wasn’t bleeding anymore. At one point you decided that all the bleeding turned into the infinite pool of tears you cried throughout the whole relationship. Nevertheless, the mere mentioning of him still brought you pain; you thought about talking it out with your therapist but it felt like even she was tired of all this Chan talk.

When you were together, the tiniest thought of him with someone else made your heart ache, as you laid on the floor of your bedroom, tears clouding your vision. The paparazzi taking pictures of him with the singers he worked with, his backup dancers, his acquaintances — all of that, as you scrolled through those photos, almost forced you to break through your rib cage with your fingers with so much ferocity, that you could rip your heart out. Just not to feel any of that pain anymore.

Because he never went out with you publicly. It was only in a group with friends, or you had to wait till the paps took all of the candid photos of him before you could walk out, or you were supposed to pretend to be a stranger, walking past him. You were not interesting to the paparazzi as much as Chan’s idol and actress friends were. You were bland, grey, a simple background noise. Who would ever even consider you dating Chan?

Yeah, right. That would be you in your delusional state of mind.

Time passed quickly and in mere moments the Kims were at the door. Yugyeom was beaming at your parents, bowing to them as you did the same to his. It wasn’t like you hadn’t seen each other for years — you’d greet his parents whenever you met them in the village, and your parents certainly saw Yugyeom in his rare visits. The four of them were still friends — or they appeared to be like that for the sake of the families’ images — only you and Yugyeom were estranged. As you sat down the table, you realized it was the first time in years when both of your families gathered. And it was the first time in years you and Yugyeom were sitting opposite, and not beside each other.

Holding hands under the table, fingers intertwined as your palms were sweating with every gentle touch of his. You had never experienced so much love after Yugyeom. Whatever love Chan had for you was never expressed — it was hidden, as if he were ashamed of those feelings all along. But wasn’t it the truth? Wasn’t it what he said to you?

You shook your head again, earning a concerned look from Yugyeom. You didn’t think he’d understand this crap, shit, no one would. Eunjoo was the first one to tell you the relationship you shared was unhealthy, but, despite you agreeing with her, you never had the strength to leave him. Except for that one time several months ago, that launched all of the vicious bullshit circle that had happened recently.

As all of the dinner went on as a blur, when you answered Yugyeom’s parents’ questions about your job and life almost mechanically, unlike Mr. Kim Yugyeom, who seemed actually delighted to share his news with your parents.

“I can never escape him, right?” The thought leaped through your head. “But do I really want to?”

Your parents conversation swiftly moved to the living room, for them to go on and watch yet another favourite film of theirs; you and Yugyeom were left to do the dishes alone. In silence. Not a word uttered while he was washing the dishes and you were wiping them up.

“D’you wanna go on a bike ride?” He suddenly uttered.

“Yeah”.

Having jumped on your old pink bike, you made your way to the Kim’s house, when Yugyeom rushed to get his one too. Several minutes later you rode through the empty country road; inhaling the smell of freshly-cut yellowish grass and cool autumn wind, you did your best to outrace the man in front of you. And every time you looked at him, slightly turning his head to you to say you were slow, you were reminded of a dark-haired boy whom you’d know since you were ten. He had that smile that felt like a warm summer evening filled with the honey smell of a linden tree. He was funny, his innocent curiosity and love for the world were the first things that made you fall for him long before you knew what love was.

Do you know it now? After all these years, do you know what love is? Is it that gut-wrenching feeling that arose inside whenever you thought of Chan? Is it crying almost every day because you knew he could never love you? Is it going through his ex’s accounts to find something within yourself to alter — only for him to never notice your efforts? Is this love?

Or is it riding your bikes through the night to your place? Is it this lingering feeling whenever he looked your way? Is it feeling comfort whenever he wrapped his arms around you?

Is Chan the love you’ve been craving? Or did you give up on Yugyeom too quick and lost your chance for love forever?

You pulled yourself from the thoughts as the two of you reached the destination — your place, that meadow where you always used to spend time during your relationship. Now the place was forgotten by the two of you, abandoned by the love that used to be in a full bloom.

Yugyeom plopped on the blanket and you carefully sat beside him, pulling your knees to your chest, hugging them and laying your chin down on your knees.

“There are no stars tonight”, he mumbled. A corner of your mouth lifted, but you didn’t respond. To be frank, you had no idea what to say.

Yugyeom sighed. “D’you think I’m boring?”

“What?” You brows knitted.

“Am I boring? Do I give off boring vibes?” He put his hands behind his head and stretched a little.

“Why are you askin’ me?”

“‘Cause you’re the only girl I talk to”, he began, “not romantically, I mean”.

Ouch. Ouch? Bitch, ouch? You’re slightly hurt you’re not romantically linked with your childhood sweetheart?

“So you need advice?”

“Sort of”. He nodded. “I went out with this girl from work a couple of times but she says I’m too boring”.

“Stop talking to her”.

“I like her too much to do it”.

You gave a tight-lipped smile in response, feeling your blood boil for some reason. Why a possibility of Yugyeom having a relationship makes you… dissatisfied? Why does it even bother you?

He, on the other hand, seemed to notice your slight change of demeanor. “You’re okay?”

Having nodded, you kept on staring at the sky. What were you supposed to say? It wasn’t a Minho situation where he’d ask you about Eunjoo and what she liked; it was different. It was Yugyeom, the golden boy who seemed to come down from Heaven, the sweet boy who’d wipe your tears every time your parents made you feel miserable, the perfect boy who slipped through your fingers. Were you really holding onto him after all those years? Was Chan actually right?

“I dunno what to say”, you uttered. “Maybe you should take her to the movies or something”.

“She’s a not a fan of mainstream cinema”, he responded right away.

“Coffee then”.

“She hates it”.

“A walk in the park?”

“She’s allergic to grass”.

You huffed and rolled your eyes. “Is she even real?”

Yugyeom chuckled. “She certainly is”.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you”. You changed your position so that your back would be flat against the blanket. Watching the sky, you continued. “I’m not the person to give you dating advice”.

“Why are you so angry suddenly?”

You sighed. “I’m not”.

Yugyeom hummed. “I just thought”, he resumed, “that we’re sharing our love-life problems with each other. Guess we’re not”.

Of course.

In the past couple of weeks only the dead didn’t hear you moaning about Chan and his sudden departure to Australia. Yugyeom fell a victim to your oversharing as well, and he actually tried to give you some solid advice — like to reconcile with Chris, for example. Reconciliation? Nope.

Yugyeom also suggested you be the first one to apologize, as, in his eyes, that would help both of you to throw the weight off your shoulders. A reasonable idea, right? It never stood a chance, though.

Because, despite you accusing Chan of selfishness and having too much pride to even consider saying a tiny ‘sorry’, you possessed absolutely the same qualities. Same brazen arrogance, same pride boiling your brain every time you wanted to run back to him and make the first move. You would never do that, never in a million years. No matter how much you loved him, Chan was supposed to be the first one to apologize.

“Are you trying to guilt-trip me or something?” You sat on the blanket. “I won’t tell you anything ever again then”.

You got up abruptly and clumsily stumbled on your feet, almost falling down. When Yugyeom tried to help you, you brushed his hands off. “Don’t help me if I bother you that much”.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you?” You barked. “First you barge into my life which already was a fuckin’ mess, and now you tell me about your love-life? For what? For what exact reason, Yugyeom?”

“You need to know”. He answered calmly.

“Why? What for?”

“‘Cause you need to”. He assured. “You live in delusions, you build your life around them. You live off the idea of a prince who’d come and save you. You need to stop that and live in the reality for once”.

“I don’t-“ You shook your head.

“You do”, Yugyeom insisted. He took a deep breath. “You had the same idea when we were kids, and I was happy to be the one to come and save you. Because I loved you more than anything in this world”. You could feel your eyes getting heavy. “I still do, believe it or not. But I’m not willing to be your savior again. I don’t want to be Chan’s rebound either. I’m trying to move on from… Whatever you and I have. I want the same for you.”

You licked your lips and turned your head away. “That’s why you told me about your little girlfriend?” You muttered in a shaky voice.

You couldn’t see it but Yugyeom clenched his jaw, as he always used to when being extremely annoyed.

“I told you ‘cause you need to see it. You need to realize you have to move on too. ‘Cause Chan won’t magically come back and beg for your forgiveness and you’ll live happily ever after. That’s not how it works”. He drew in a breath again. “And I won’t either. I do love you, still, and I always will, and the fact that”, he gulped, “the fact that you’re still wearing this necklace gives me hope, it does, but… I can’t be both your boyfriend and therapist, like I used to. You have to work on yourself on your own. Neither I, nor Chan will fix it for you. You need to realize you have to take the first step. Not him or me. You”.

Maybe what you needed was brutal honesty. Perhaps Yugyeom chose the right tactic — to befriend you and then put your face in the mud. Because you needed that. Because, no matter how much therapy sessions you had, the main issue still wasn’t fixed. You were keen on waiting for someone to come and help you, when you should’ve been the one to help yourself. Yes, you have always been a people pleaser, but can’t people pleasers be selfish too? Can’t they have their little pride bloom inside their chests?

“Guess you’re right”.

“I always am”.

You let out a deep sigh and sat back on the blanket, your head resting on Yugyeom’s shoulder. “I’m sorry”.

“Don’t be”, he answered softly, “I get it”.

“I just…” A sudden choking feeling seemed to squeeze your throat. “I don’t know what to do”. Your last words came out as a whisper.

“You do”, he said, “I just gave you a manual”. You let out a breathy laugh.

“I’m being serious, Yugyeom”.

“Me too”. He turned his head to face yours, as you rested your head on your knees now. In the dark of the night his angelic features seemed to have a slight addition of devilishness to them. And then it hit you like a sudden snowball thrown at someone does. You don’t know him. You know the boy you grew up with, the guy you used to love. You have no idea who the man that’s sitting right in front of you is. He seems nice, has a way with words, and he does resemble somebody you would call the ‘love of your life’. He isn’t the same boy anymore. As well as you are not the same girl. As well as Chan is not the guy your brain thought him to be.

He’s imperfect, stupid. He has no clue of what love is, he’s never had a sweet affection shown to him because he never stayed to get it. It’s not the responsibility that he runs away from, it’s affection. It’s pure adoration that makes him fall out of love with every person that ever experienced those feelings towards him. You can’t change him. And you don’t need to.

The only thing you need to do is make the first step. Push your pride far up your ass, collect yourself, forget the cruel words he ever said to you. Perhaps, then you won’t have to hate him to fall out of love. Perhaps, the two of you will have a chance to start over. But it’s you who needs to make the first move, you, who has to save whatever’s left between the two of you. You, because Chan’s too scared to do it.

“Can you get me out of here?”

Yugyeom smiled. “Of course”.

Chan’s plane was about to take off in six hours. “Maybe I’ll convince him to stay”, you thought, while pressing your bike’s pedals as fast as you could. Yugyeom has always had a way with your parents so he’ll convince them he has to take you back to the city. Your cat will stay with them when you’re gone, and, while kissing her between her big ears, you promised to come back tomorrow afternoon.

“Where’s your car?” Yugyeom asked when the two of you settled in your seats.

“Parking lot”, you mumbled, “mom and dad insisted on picking me and Gaeul”.

Yugyeom chuckled. “They really like your cat”.

You responded with a smile. “Is there a story behind her name?”

“Do you wanna talk to me that bad?”

“I have to drive to the airport for four hours to help the girl that I love get back with her ex, do you really-“

“Jeez, chill!” You raised your hands. “What about that work crush of yours?”

“That’s the whole point”, he crooned, “I help you, you help me”.

“I thought you were doing this out of the kindness of your heart”.

“Oh no, quoting Mr. Martins now? Do you know how far up my ass he got when he came back to Columbia University?” Yugyeom whined. “Literature wasn’t even my major, I only took it because of you”.

“Stop, I get it”, you flipped your hair, “I’m irresistible”.

Yugyeom laughed and you followed his lead. That’s what felt like home, like a safe space. Someplace where you didn’t need to prove the worthiness of yourself. Someplace where you were loved just ‘cause you existed. The purest form of love it was, the feeling you had never felt after him.

“See”, he continued, “we can be friends”.

“We’re not friends”.

Yugyeom raised an eyebrow as a response to your sentence. “I don’t know you yet, and you don’t know me. We need to get to know each other”.

He smiled again and nodded, a sudden rosy colour creeping up his ears. “Guess you’re right”.

“I always am”.

“So then”, Yugyeom didn’t seem to stop talking at all, “tell me the story behind your cat’s name”.

“They’re not much to tell”, you affirmed him, “it’s as easy as it seems. I found her on the street on a cool, rainy evening. It happened in autumn, so that’s the whole idea to her name. Oh, and she was the dirtiest kitten I’ve ever seen”.

Yugyeom hummed. “I thought, as a writer, you had better imagination”.

“Oh my god”, you cursed, “shut up!”

The road to the airport went on without a moment of silence, as you and Yugyeom kept on talking about everything. He told you about his job in New York, his past relationships, new friends and a golden retriever he adopted with his ex-girlfriend.

“So she took the custody of the dog?” You couldn’t believe your ears.

“She was quite adamant about the dog staying with her”, Yugyeom took a turn, as the two of you were twenty minutes away from the airport. “I couldn’t do anything about it”.

“Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is too smart”, you mumbled. A line appeared between his brows as you continued. “Why say ‘adamant’ when you can just say… Something like, ‘She was a bitch’ or whatever?”

Yugyeom chortled at your words. “Don’t act like an idiot. The fact that you gave up writing doesn’t give you the right to play dumb”.

You hesitated to respond. On the one hand, you didn’t play dumb, you just didn’t enjoy overcomplicating your speech. On the other hand, though… Yugyeom could be right. You used not to care about using simple words in your every day conversation when your dream still sounded like a possible reality. To be fair, you hadn’t noticed such small details about yourself before Yugyeom pointed them out.

“Stop lecturing me”. You murmured.

“Don’t think I can”, he continued. “You can lecture me too, y’know”.

“Oh, just give me a reason”.

The last ten minutes were blessed by the long-awaited silence, while you scratched your neck and kept on biting your nails. The relatively fresh manicure was ripped off from some of your nails, making them look like a shit show. You could’ve sworn Yugyeom heard the hopeless thumping of your heart.

“You didn’t have to drive here”, you said quietly when he stopped at the airport’s parking lot. “You didn’t have to do this for me”.

“I think I had to”, he answered and turned his head to face you. “I want you to be happy, that’s all”.

You sighed. Your leg was shaking violently as you watched the entrance and checked the time. “Maybe I should wait inside”. Yugyeom nodded. Before you opened the car door, something prompted you to look at him again. “Thanks for driving me here. I got it now”.

Yugyeom shook his head. “I’m not leaving until this…whole thing is resolved. Don’t even start with me”, he stopped you before you could chime in with your piece of mind, “I’ll wait for you here. Don’t wanna go home anyways”.

“Thank you, Yugyeom”.

Five minutes later you were in the waiting lounge. You took the phone from your pocket — it was almost 2 A.M. — and texted Minho, while your fingers were shaking. “He won’t like me being here”, you thought as the message was sent, “I promised him and Eunjoo I wouldn’t do anything like that”.

Minho didn’t tell you about Chan much: you assured you didn’t need to know his whereabouts. However, you did know that Lee Know would come and say goodbye to his best friend before his departure. “No, he’ll kill me. I swore I wouldn’t, shit, why am I even here? What’s the point? What if Chan doesn’t want to see me? Shit, shit, shit”. You were pacing around the waiting room with the few people were waiting for their respective flights there. Everyone was quiet but you.

A flight to Melbourne was about to take off at 4 o’clock in the morning.

Lee Know wasn’t responding. You pressed the phone to you chest as you leg was shaking uncontrollably again. “He’ll be here, right? Or did he change his mind? What if decided to stay? God, I hope he did”.

As the check-in for the flight was announced, the previously quiet hall got filled with camera clicks and loud voices. Paparazzi. A group of girls almost swooped you off of your feet as they sprinted towards the source of noise. You noticed the posters and pictures, and your heartbeat became so loud you could hear it inside your head. Chan was here.

You could see his bodyguards, Han, who was telling the paparazzi off for invading Chan’s privacy, and… You caught the glimpse of him. His curly hair was fuzzy due to the probable lack of care for it, but his dimples were at a full display. And before you could break through the photographers and a few of his fangirls, you saw somebody else. Someone with a long blonde hair, mesmerizing hazel eyes — as he sang in some of his songs — a tight grey tracksuit and a hand, intertwined with his. Kang Micha. Chan’s ex-girlfriend.

They both exchanged a couple of words with each other before Chan confirmed their relationship to one of the paparazzi. Your poor heart found it too horrifying to handle as it fell to your feet and scattered to even smaller pieces. Now it was impossible to fix. Your worst fear, the one that had been following you since the moment you and Chan started your mistakenship, came true. This play you watched from afar was a legitimate proof that Micha was the only woman on his mind. You were right. You were right. She was the only woman he had ever loved, she was the only woman he thought about while making love to you. It was always her. Her, her and only her.

You fought back the tears with as much effort as you could. Now you didn’t want him to notice you; and as Chan moved to the check-in desk, you ran to the exit, just to cry it out, just to leave before he saw you. You didn’t need to feel even more humiliated than at the moment.

As you got outside, somebody suddenly grabbed your hand. And before you could even shake the stranger’s grip off, you heard, “What the hell are you doing here?”

One look at Minho’s displeased face gave it off — he wasn’t quite happy about it either. “I-I-“, you stuttered. “I don’t really know now. I thought I could… We could… But it doesn’t matter now, right?” You gave him a half-smile, and it took everything from you not to let it turn into a full-blown howling.

Minho shook his head and pulled you in for a quick hug. “I told you not to come”, he whispered when he let you out of his grip. “Wait for me here and I’ll drive you home-“

“No need to”, you stated, “I already have a driver. See you later, Minho”. Before he could utter another word, you moved to Yugyeom’s car; he was already outside, waiting at the passenger’s door. Good he didn’t leave.

A cool autumn morning turned into a freezing one in a spin of a moment. The hope you carefully kept in your heart disappeared, having packed her bags in mere seconds. There was no more hope left in you, no love, nothing. The only thing you wanted was to curl up beside your cat and drown yourself in the flood of tears. And Yugyeom seemed to understand your desire, as he started the car and drove from the parking lot without asking any questions.

Minho watched as the car left his sight, and having taken a deep breath, came back inside the building. Chan had just finished his flight registration and was ready to go to the departures.

“Where you’ve been?” He asked when Lee Know approached him. “We’re ready to go”.

Minho nodded and gave his best friend a tight hug; the first time they would be apart for the longest time finally approached them. Minho truly loved Chan, no matter how dumb he was sometimes. However, the love drama he got himself dragged into left him uneasy — so he couldn’t not fuck with Chan’s conscience (or whatever was left of it) one last time before he left.

“She was here”, he said quietly while Micha was busy talking on the phone. Chan’s eyes widened, and his whole face seemed to lit up at the mere mention of her name.

“Where’s she?” His eyes were scanning the airport in desperate attempts to land on her face.

“Was here”. Minho responded firmly. “She saw you and Micha and left”. Chan let out a deep breath. “Don’t regret… Don’t come to regret whatever this is, Chan. I’m not an expert in love, but”, Lee Know tapped his best friend’s shoulder, “but I think that it’ll come back to both of you if it’s meant to be”.

Chris sniffed and rubbed his slightly red eyes. “Don’t lecture me, I get it”.

“Don’t think you do”. Minho detected. “It’s good if you let each other go, even for a while. ‘Cause I’m honestly tired of all this drama, man”.

Chan plastered a smile of his face. “Say ‘hi’ to Eunjoo from me”.

“I’ll say it to both of them”.

Taglist:

@heylookwhoitis @amaranth-writing @itstorimf @tenshimara @whyyougottadothatbro

The story’s masterlist <3

[starry-miki]

⭐️ Get to know the artist! ⭐️

(+Obey Me! Questionnaire)

Here we are again… back again with another year down. Wow time really does fly by doesn’t it? My Anniversary for my tumblr was back in August but I was not really active until near the end of the year, (sorta) So I’ve decided to welcome the new year, with a ‘get to know artist’ post. I should’ve done this a while ago but I didn’t think of it till now. 😘

I will warn that this is much longer then intended, so maybe a 10 or 15 minute read, also warn of some profanity but mostly for phrases.

I will be answering basic art related questions and Obey Me! Questions near the bottom. (Which is the part that is much longer than I intended it to be)

Basic questions

Hello everyone, you may call me Miki, I’m a Obey Me! (Mostly a side characters) and OC artist. I don’t have a preferred pronounce so you may refer to be however you like!

Age: old enough to commit tax evasion. (Adult) 😘

Favorite color: good question I don’t actually have one I think lots of colors are pretty. 🥰

Birthday: April 5th (Aries?)

How long have I been drawing?

I’ve been drawing for about 3ish years, however the first year and half was on and off.

Would I be a good art moot?

If I’m being honest I’m more shy and people scary me, so if you would like to be friends you might need to approach first…. But I do have small surges of courage to message first sometimes! How my friends would describe my personality…

“The one with no care in the world that just tags along for the ride and accepts their fate” -Questionable TikTok post sent by my by friend.

To be honest I’m all over the place with my art….

Commission?

I have been thinking about open commissions and I think I will some time this year, but I’m a bit of a noob with rendering so I will practice before then!

A Fun fact: I’m a cat in a human’s body and need at least 10 to 12 hours of sleep to feel full rested, this also causes my sleeping schedule to get messed up. :P

What type of crime would I get arrested for?

Arson, honestly fire is so pretty when it burns things…. Has a weird magical feeling when you watch it….

An art advice?

I’m honestly still an artist noob so take what I say with a grain of salt. But for those starting out drawing, don’t worry about finding your art style it will develop in time while you learn and improve as well when you discover your likes and dislikes. I know one of the common advices usually given to find an art style is to reference off your favorite artists, it can work for some but for many others this advice doesn’t work, sometimes it can create a perfection of wanting to copy someone else art style or getting frustrated that it doesn’t look similar to your favorite artist style. But I promise patience and practice will pay off, don’t be afraid to indulge a bit out of your comfort zone and explore different styles, besides you may find yourself surprised with what you discovered.

Obey Me! related questions!

What and when did you play obey me?

I start back in early April, I kept getting ads for it on my Instagram and at some point I got tired of seeing it (and thought somebody in the universe really want me to play the game) and decided to play it, I didn’t think much about it and it was mostly something to kill time and I could have deleted it later when I got bored.

Did I mention that would be almost 4 years ago? (April 3, 2020)

Which of the brothers and side characters would I get along the best?

If I’m being honest I feel like I would get along with the majority of the cast, there always seems to be something I have in common or could do with the characters, I’ll start with the brothers first and also keep it short.

Lucifer: listening to classical music together or attending classical music concerts.

Mammon: ??? (actually the least brother I have common with)

Levi: video games, discussion of franchises and theories, etc.

Satan: appreciate cats and learning new things and intake of knowledge.

Asmo: I’m a rat so I love me some gossip while also doing self care. 😘

Beel: late night food runs or sneaking in the kitchen late a night to eat something (I do that in RL anyway)

Belphie: honestly sleeping buddies and anti lucifer club but I luv luci but still would like to occasionally join in the pranks. 😘

Diavolo: I honestly wouldn’t hang around with Diavolo if I’m being honest… just not much in common and other factors but I’m not going to elaborate.

Barbatos: I love me some good tea, some delicious food, pastries and barbatos company. 🥰

Simeon: honestly reminds me of some type of nice coworker and would just see him occasionally. (Still a pretty boy tho)

Luke: I’m the second or first sweets tester, I’m eat up those pastries and protect the bby. 🥹

Solomon: It works and I won’t elaborate. But I will say I will be with Solomon and Barbatos on a hot summer day with the AC on full blast cause we can’t stand the heat. (I heat up so quickly and are much more prone to a heat exhaustion, so you probably guessed that summer isn’t my favorite season.) 😘

First character crush?

If I’m being honest I didn’t really had one? But I had a very light crush on mammon. If that counts for anything.

Current crushes?

This should be a no brainer but old man and surprisingly barbs. Which i feel like many wouldn’t know since I rarely draw him (exact a few times) or ever mention me having a little crush about him. 😗

Favorite obey me outfits or event?

I would say the chief/apron from the brothers and for event I think the vampire event is my favorite. 🤔

(I’ve already started running out of questions so I went to the B LOV questions to rizz you up lmao.)

B’s log question. From (2022) Devildom Homework

(I also skip some of the questions cause they have already been answered or I got no answer)

Link for the OM! Cast B’s Log (I recommend reading it, but not necessarily):

Things I like:

making sure I try to end conversations or interactions with people feeling happy or feeling positive. (Which definitely has drawn bad people but I have been more careful and selective) 😘

Favorite item: (like food???)

Homemade banana milkshake, fruits and pastries. 🥰

What you secretly think about the person you love:

how did that happen??? 😀

Your motto?

1. Sleep it off.

2. fuck around and find out until you find the solution (or create a new problem or make it worse). 😘

3. Everything is going to be okay, eat some sweets and try again. ☺️

Love Questionnaire.

Be the first one to confess love is what you will… do.

Be possessive is what you will?

“Won’t do, and don’t want to be possessive over either” -Solomon

Tbh same. 💀

Be jealous is what you will?

Do not. I find jealousy to be such an ugly emotion to feel and would like to avoid or completely eliminate the feeling when it rarely occurs.

A love with obstacles is….

honestly a pain in the ass but it honestly depends on the type of obstacle and if I love that person enough.

Days that you think about the person you love so much that you can’t fall asleep… do not exist.

Times when you can’t be honestly convey your feelings. Does not exist

—-

Devildom borderline:

Devildom charm distribution chart (self assessment ver.)

Dead set in the middle just a little bit to the reliable.

Please explain your choice on the chart!

If I’m being honest I don’t really find myself cool, cute, spoiled nor reliable. I’m more neutral? I mean if group projects count I guess I would be a little reliable? I’ll do my part of the project but I don’t really ask others if they need help with their work load but I do with friends though.

Tell me! Your borderline!

Border line of “Horror”- which on is more scary?

(1) 24hr long lecture from lucifer

(2) bungee jump form the highest mountain in the Devildom without a cord.

(3) other. “When you are thinking about eating a certain food in the fridge and when you get to it, it’s already been eaten. My day is ruined” 😔

Borderline of "Don't wanna do" - Which one would you avoid?

1. Asmo's 1-day photograph assistant

2. Beel's 1-day cook

3. Others. “Hurting people’s feelings and stomping their happy mood, I prefer someone to discuss about rocket science if that’s what they are passionate about and not understanding what they are talking about. It’s rare to see people have pure passion in something and talk about it excitedly, I never wish for that passion or excitedness to die out.

Borderline of "Wanna try" - Which one would you prefer experiencing?

1. 1-day Demon King

2. 1-day Devildom Spy

3. Others. “I honestly want to walk around nature solo and in different landscapes, maybe walk in a flowery meadow in the evening with pretty pink and purple evening sky or walk through a dark cloudy evening forest with light snow gently falling.”

Borderline of "Blessed" - Which one makes you happier?

1. People surrounding are smiling.

2. Enjoying yourself from the bottom of your heart.

3. Others. “I would say all of above and possibly more, happiness is a fleeting feeling and can sometimes be difficult to feel in everyday life, any way to achieve even the smallest of happiness even if it’s from the most simplest things is good in my book.”

Borderline of "Cheating" - Absolutely, not allowed!

1. Holding hands

2. Meeting eyes

3. Others. “Depends on the circumstances” :P

-End

What would you do once Obey Me! Reaches to the end?

Cry, that would be my thirteen reason why, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, AND ILL KEEP THE ANSWER SHORT TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT. 😔😭

Well I think that’s enough questions to answer! I hope the questionnaires give you a little insight about me. This year I do hope to be more active and post just a bit more the i have from last year. And for those who made this far let me know what your responses are for the B’s Log questionnaire! Happy New Year to everyone, and may you be blessed to a wonderful year! ☺️💕

[heres-to-all-that-is-mine]

Considering the votes were a unanimous yes heeere we go here’s One of my little story concepts I’ve been rotating passively in my head (as put together by copy-pasting several paragraphs worth of my rambling and a few additional or summarised sections);

Podcast pitch for you! A radio show host gets accidentally shunted into an alternate reality which appears to be an exact replica of the “real world”, except there’s no people in it (and things are a little more… dream-like, abstract, strange and supernatural perhaps)

However, the radio show connects them to the real world - people can call in, and they can still broadcast, but most of their time is spent trying to survive and make sense of their new life, not to mention trying to figure out how and why this happened, and how to get back

Wouldn’t it be fucked up if, in a season finale, they make it back to the real world… only to find it wasn’t the *right* world?

Unsure of how it would be “wrong” - perhaps some important person is missing and nobody knows what they’re talking about, or something is fundamentally *different* about the world

Or perhaps it’s an instance of the classic “being in the wrong dimension is making me sick/glitch out/other fucked up symptom”

Perhaps they never existed in this new world. Mm. Either way they’re not making it out of this situation entirely human. Whether figuratively or not,,, up for debate

(Above paragraph provided by my dear friend Raz who enables me)

Ha wouldn’t it be fucked up if their world never existed. They simply spawned into reality spontaneously at the moment that “shunted them into a parallel dimension”

Or perhaps their existence destabilised their dimension causing everyone to disappear rather than them disappearing from the world

I shall have to puzzle over it….. Was thinking of perhaps nightvale in terms of the strangeness of the “empty” world but that’s a bit much

Mayhaps,

Perhaps they’re wondering if the things they’re seeing are *real* or simply some kind of isolation induced hallucination

I can think of several sad or bittersweet endings for the guy but I do also wanna come up with some nicer ones……

For the former, for example - whatever caused them to pop into existence was only temporary, and time and space corrects itself and smooths out the wrinkle of their existence, causing them to cease to exist. Or perhaps they could choose to end the pocket dimension themself, snipping it off of the “real” world for whatever reason

To elaborate on my thoughts up there;

Season One Storyline;

Radio Show Host (let’s call them Cam as a temporary name) kicks up the broadcast, only for some sort of event to occur - they dismiss it as weird, but harmless, considering it only lasts a few seconds and nothing’s really gone wrong as far as they can tell.

The episode goes as it should pretty much; they take calls from listeners, talk about whatever the show is meant to be about, just Regular Radio Broadcast.

However, things go sideways when they step out of the room to find that there’s absolutely nobody else in the building. Maybe during a commercial/song break? Idk. Either way they come back unsettled and the episode ends on something of a strange, sour note.

Things kick into gear by episode two with them returning panicked, rambling about how everyone is gone and they’re all alone. In the whole town, and nobody they know outside the town is answering their messages. Listeners call in, confused, because they live in the town and everyone is still there, which does not help with Cam’s panicking.

From then on things devolve into some sort of chaos as strange things happen around town with Cam, while listeners remain confused if this is some sort of prank or interactive story or whatever.

Blah blah, somehow Cam manages to “get back to the real world” by the season finale, and things seem fine!

Season two!

This one is perhaps told through a different medium? Cam might be recording their own podcast or something like that, rather than a radio broadcast - unsure, might stick to broadcast. Either way it takes place a while after their “escape” but not too long, and they’ve noticed that people have no idea who they are. There’s no record of their existence, not even the few people they did know seem to recognise them, and they’re stuck staying at a motel or something because their residence isn’t under their name as it should be.

They come to the conclusion that this isn’t their universe, and they’re starting to feel off.

Season ends with them going to another dimension - perhaps back to the one they were in originally? - having come to the conclusion that rather than something transporting them to an empty dimension as they’d thought originally, it might instead have been that something did indeed happen to the people in their universe. Something they might be able to undo.

Season three?

I’m not sure what to put down for season three here but essentially, in this season, they come to the slow realisation that there’s something wrong with their home dimension - and themself, by extension.

Turns out, that event that kicked off the whole story? That was the event that created them. That was the moment they came into existence. Everything before that was just the world changing itself to retroactively exist, or at least fill in the gaps of Cam’s memory.

That’s like, all I’ve got. :)

[spade-riddles]

Submission: The Bait & Switch Theory

Lately I've been hate-reading a pop culture subreddit. It's not focused on Taylor, but people have been posting about her a lot lately (for obvious reasons). The overall vibe is pretty negative towards Taylor, but I usually skim the comments to see what casual fans are saying.

I want to share some recent comments I've seen (no usernames, and I rewrote some parts so they aren't word-for-word). Warning, you will probably get frustrated reading them. I did. But these are theories from casual listeners, non-swifties, who believe that Taylor really dates men, and they see this situation from a totally different angle than we do. While you read them, see if you have any new ideas about where Taylor might be going with this MH thing. I'll share my own thoughts after the comments. Another warning: this is a very long post-- sorry!

(These are all from a thread discussing a DailyMail article about how Taylor and MH are allegedly writing music together for her next album. I'll come back to my thoughts on this.)

On the subject of Midnights and MH, has anyone else gone back and listened to Question…? with him in mind? It all makes a lot of sense. Bejeweled too (the 1975 call themselves “the band”) and Cardigan.

Also “I swear that it was something/ ‘cause I don’t remember who I was/ Before you painted all my nights/ a color I’ve searched for since” from Question sounds a lot like “Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/You showed me colors/You know I can't see with anyone else” from Illicit Affairs.

^^ Comment 1. Bolded parts from me.

All of it makes sense in context of falling in love with MH.

Anti-hero? She knew this relationship wouldn't be well received.

Midnight Rain? Joe was "sunshine she was midnight rain. He wanted a bride, she was chasing that fame."

Snow on the Beach? "Weird but fucking beautiful, you wanting me tonight feels impossible."

Labyrinth? "Uh-oh, I'm falling in love again. I thought this plane was going down, how'd you turn it right around?"

The entire album was about MH the entire time and we had no idea.

^^ Comment 2. I bolded the last sentence.

I don't understand how Taylor TOLD US Cardigan "was about" MH while on stage, into a microphone, and people are still denying it.

She wasn't trolling. She was revealing.

Cardigan is about him. And it seems like they weren't ON in 2014 and OFF for the next 8 years. Instead it's looking like they've gone back to each other again and again.

^^ Comment 3. This is the one that was most illuminating to me. Bolded part from me.

I think if they break up soon, she will phase him out and never mention him again.

^^ Comment 4. I'll come back to this one too.

Okay. So. Let's consider some hypotheticals.

Let's say Taylor wants to reintroduce Karlie into her public life. 

Let's say they want the public Kaylor narrative to be as close to real life as possible. Let's also assume that they don't want to out anyone and that there are contracts limiting what they can say about their beards.

Let's say there's someone else Taylor has known since about 2014: MH. A dude with an awful reputation, definitely worse than Karlie's.

Let's say the narrative they want people to believe, one day, is that Karlie is the one that got away from Taylor. They were a couple a decade ago, then they were together on and off, having an illicit affair with each other the entire time they were "in relationships" with JA and JK. And after Taylor and JA broke up, she privately reunited with Karlie and they lived happily ever after.

Let's also assume, maybe incorrectly (idk), that Karlie is the real William Bowery, and that Taylor wants people to know that JA didn't write or produce any of her music. Conveniently, MH is ALSO a musician. They're rumored to have written music together in the past, although we've never heard it, and now they're seen at the studio together.

So I wonder if Taylor and Karlie are limited in what they can say or imply, especially when it comes to the Karlie/JK timeline. Instead, Taylor is briefly introducing MH as her boyfriend and letting everyone speculate about how she's been in love with him for ages and how she cheated on JA with MH for years and how they write music together. She spells out the ENTIRE fucking story for everyone, and they finally start to piece it together. The only part that's wrong is that the story has the name MH where it should say KK.

What if this is a bait and switch? Where MH totally disappears from the picture, never to be mentioned again, but only after she uses him to plant a narrative. We don't get any musical collaboration after all. Maybe MH, being a loose canon, even alludes to faking a relationship with Taylor.

And then 5 seconds later, she switches out MH for KK. They do the exact same things together. KK goes to shows, they go out to dinner, maybe she's seen leaving Electric Lady, or she's seen with an LV bag going into Taylor's building. Maybe TS11 doesn't feature any songs with MH, but William Bowery is still credited even though JA is long gone. And maybe they just let people connect the dots over time. Like a folk tale, where no one really knows for sure what happened between Taylor, Karlie, JA, JK, and MH, but it's generally accepted that Taylor and Karlie have loved each other for a long time. Over the years, people forget some of the details and accept the Kaylor folklore as fact.

I'm so curious as to what you all think.

By the way, I know this is long enough already, but I do just want to say that I don't want to minimize MH's disgusting behaviors. I do believe it's morally wrong to prop up people like MH (and JK), because it lends credibility to dangerous ideas and disguises wolves as sheep. I think this is a line T & K are okay with crossing, and they are probably in a very complicated situation, but I'm not trying to excuse them for their roles here.

[swan-of-sunrise]

The Halcyon Hypothesis

Summary: A chance meeting on the New York subway between a stressed-out graduate student and a brilliant but dorky scientist takes a surprising turn in both of their lives.

Pairing: Bruce Banner X Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Here’s another little one-shot I found hiding on an old flash drive! It’s officially dedicated to all you guys who’ve been struggling with finals and to all the other Bruce Banner fans out there lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!  

The Halcyon Hypothesis (Fanfiction Masterlist)

“Dammit!” (Y/N) swore under her breath as she edged her way into the extremely cramped train and tried not to lose grip on the large stack of notes in her arms. People funneled into the train behind her and in no time, she was crammed tightly into the train as the doors closed; if Professor Taylors hadn’t kept us after class, I’d be on an almost-deserted train right now with my own personal space, she thought with annoyance as the train began to move, but at least I can still cram a little studying in.

She planted her feet so the motions of the train wouldn’t cause her to lose balance and opened her notebook to her most recent notes. Sweat-covered passengers shifted around her as more and more people boarded at the next several stops, but she did her best to ignore them as she struggled to understand everything she’d hastily jotted down earlier. Burnout was hitting her hard as the fall semester drew to a close and her roommates were in the midst of a fight of epic proportions, so the only think keeping her going was the six cups of coffee she’d already had and the promise of another when she arrived back home. All of a sudden, the train slammed on its brakes harder than usual; most of the other passengers were holding onto hand straps but since (Y/N) wasn’t, the train’s jarring movement sent her stumbling into the man standing next to her. “Shit, sorry about that.”

“That’s okay. There’s an extra hand strap over here if you wanna use it.”

(Y/N) glanced up from her notes and momentarily forgot to speak when she caught sight of the man’s kindly smile and strangely-captivating eyes. “I’m fine, I’ve gotta hold my notes.”

The man nodded in understanding and she returned her focus to the scribbles on her page of notes. A few moments later, though, the man spoke again. “You mixed up a couple of your definitions.”

“Excuse me?”

He looked a little startled by her annoyed reply, but nevertheless he continued. “The, um, the definitions for adenosine triphosphate and adenylate cyclase at the top of your page should be swapped.”

Still slightly irritated that her studying was interrupted again, (Y/N) looked at the definitions he spoke of and to her surprise, the man was correct. “Well, I’ll be damned. Are you a biology expert or something?”

“You could say that. I, ah, actually have one of my PhD’s in it,” The man replied. Instead of acting smug about his apparent multiple doctorates, he seemed a little embarrassed to have mentioned them at all; he rubbed his neck awkwardly with his free hand and looked at everything in the train car but her as his ears flushed a vivid shade of pink.

His shyness is kinda cute, (Y/N) thought with a growing smile, her earlier annoyance long-gone. “That’s cool! I’m working on my master’s in biology right now and I can’t even imagine working on a doctorate; I’ve never been more stressed in my life. So stressed, apparently, that I can’t tell the difference between a nucleotide and an enzyme! It’s just that my professors won’t ease up on the workload and things are a little tense with my roommates so I don’t get much studying in at home, and-” She stopped her rambling and cringed internally; why the hell was she unloading all this onto a stranger on a train? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on a rant there. Stress, you know…”

“That’s okay, stress can make people do a lot of weird things.” The man’s eyes were unfocused, as if he was thinking about something else, but the strange look disappeared after a moment and was replaced with a bashful grin. “…If you want, I could look over your notes to make sure everything’s correct? Not that it’s not correct, of course! I’m sure it’s great, but, you know, just to be on the safe side…?”

“Um…sure, I guess. Thanks!” (Y/N) handed him her notebook and pencil and watched as he began flipping through the pages, scanning the information and used the pencil to make corrections when necessary. The train clinked and clanked along as he remained concentrated on his work, and (Y/N) took the opportunity to examine him a little. His dark curly hair was streaked with a few strands of grey, even though he appeared to be on the younger side. I’d probably have grey hair too if I had more than one doctorate, she thought with an inward chuckle before resuming her observations. He wore wire-framed glasses that had a tendency to slide down his nose, and she could clearly see the smile lines that surrounded his vivid green eyes. Just as she was debating whether or not she should try to give him her number or just simply ask for the handsome stranger’s name, he closed her notebook and looked up at her.

“Well, there were a couple of mistakes with some formulas but other than that, everything looks great! Not bad for a person who says they don’t know the difference between a nucleotide and an enzyme.” His teasing words and flirtatious smile caused her stomach to flutter.

“Thank you,” She took her notebook back and clutched it to her chest. “Now I’ve just gotta study all this and try to pass my final on Friday.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine; your notes are very thorough and well-written, so you shouldn’t have any problem.”

“Easy for you to say, dude, you’ve probably got half-a-dozen PhD’s under your belt.” Her eyebrows rose when he gave her a sheepish look. “You’ve got more than that?”

The man shrugged as he shuffled his feet in embarrassment. “I’m not really the type to brag.” A silence fell over them for several moments until he spoke up again, his timid green eyes fixated on hers. “I, um, I just wanted to say that I think it’s wonderful you’re involved in the sciences…as a woman, I mean, because women haven’t always been encouraged into pursuing STEM careers but times are finally changing and I…well, I-I think it’s admirable.” He rubbed his neck awkwardly and he gave her a half smile that made her heart skip a beat. “You know, it’s like what Nichelle Nichols used to say: ‘Science is not a boy’s game, it’s not a girl’s game. It’s everyone’s game. It’s about where we are…’”

“‘…and where we’re going.’” (Y/N) smiled bashfully at the impressed look he was giving her and fiddled with the metal spiral holding her notebook together. “Lieutenant Uhura was my favorite Star Trek character when I was a kid. That’s sweet of you to say, Doctor…?”

“Bruce. My name’s Bruce.”

She shook his outstretched hand. “(Y/N).” Their eyes met and her breath hitched as she took in the intensity of his gaze, barely aware that their hands were still touching and that she could smell his intoxicating cedar cologne. The intensity of her courses that semester meant that she hadn’t had much time for romance but judging by the way she felt herself react to Bruce in the brief amount of time she’d known him, she could easily imagine herself charging headfirst back into the world of dating alongside the handsome scientist standing so close to her.

“Now approaching Grand Central Station!”

“This is me,” Bruce looked almost disappointed at the announcement but then his green eyes suddenly lit up; he scrambled to pull his wallet out and finally pulled out a business card as the train stopped and the doors opened. “Here’s my number, let me know how your test goes! It was really nice talking to you, (Y/N)!” With a small wave, he pushed through the packed train and out of sight.

“Bye Bruce,” (Y/N) mumbled dejectedly; she’d finally met a nice guy but he was gone as quickly as he came. But at least I have his number, she thought with a growing grin, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a long while. She looked down at the business card in her hand and nearly dropped it in surprise, for printed neatly on the card was the name Dr. Bruce Banner. “Holy shit! I had an Avenger look over my biology notes?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, let me get this straight: you met a beautiful woman on the subway the other day, bonded over your shared nerdy love of science and Star Trek, and even stared into each other’s eyes for a little bit like they do in those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies…yet you didn’t bother to try and get her number? Geez, you’re rustier at all this than Capsicle!”

Pulling away from his microscope, Bruce took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I already told you, Tony, I gave her my business card before I got off the train. If she wants to contact me, then she will and we can see where we go from there.”

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed as he spun his desk chair around in a circle. “Yeah, that’s just the way every woman dreams of being wooed. Ever hear of romance, Brucie?”

“Did you seriously just call me-?”

“If you knew her last name and where she went to school, then we could have J.A.R.V.I.S. track her down and then you could go down there and surprise her…” The billionaire’s face illuminated with a bright smile. “I’m talking flowers, chocolates, expensive dinner reservations, front-row tickets to Hamilton, the whole shebang. You could easily sweep this chick off her exhausted and stressed-out feet, dude, if only you’d just bothered to take a page out of your BFF’s book.”

Bruce snorted. “And conversely, have you ever heard of stalking in the fourth degree? Those tricks might work with Pepper but you’re you and I’m me, Tony, and I’m definitely not the kind of guy that women would want to be swept off their feet by. I can’t even remember when I last went on a date, it’s been so long-”

The muffled chiming of Bruce’s cellphone echoed throughout the laboratory and interrupted his protests; he unearthed the phone from beneath a pile of loose papers and frowned when he noticed a new text message from an unknown number, but his confusion quickly shifted to elation once he read the text.

Unknown: Hi Bruce, this is (Y/N) from the train. You’ll be pleased to know that I got an A on my final!

The gif of a cutely-animated Spock dancing around in circles on the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise made Bruce snort in amusement, and it was soon followed up by a second text.

Unknown: Would it be too forward to ask if I can buy you a coffee, to thank you again for double-checking my notes and brightening my day?

“It seems that I might’ve misjudged your mystery lady…” Tony admitted as he peered over Bruce’s shoulder at the cell phone in his hand, a small but genuine smile on his bearded face. “You know what the word ‘halcyon’ means? It indicates a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful, but a funny thing about that word is that can also describe happiness in the general sense.” Bruce arched a brow and the billionaire shrugged. “Pepper’s got me listening to some philosophy podcasts, they’re weird but pretty good. My point is that your chance for halcyon isn’t gone, my Jolly Green friend; it’s quite literally in the palm of your hand, but you’ve gotta be the one to hold on tight to it.”

The billionaire clapped Bruce on the shoulder and whistled a show-tune as he left him alone in the laboratory. The scientist reveled in the lighthearted feeling that threatened to consume him, unable to recall the last instance he’d felt so pleased to receive a simple text; (Y/N) knew about the Other Guy and the life Bruce led as an Avenger, and yet she still reached out on her own volition and even invited him out for coffee. It was presumptive to assume she felt the same way about him, but he’d be naïve not to acknowledge the intensity that had been evident in her (Y/E/C) eyes when they shook hands on the train.

“It’s just a cup of coffee,” Bruce muttered to himself, nervously biting his lip as he stared down at his phone, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard in hesitation. “Not necessarily my halcyon…”

The scientist typed out his enthusiastic reply and he couldn’t help but smile again, his heart hammering away in his chest as he thought about all the data he’d need to collect to prove his halcyon hypothesis correct and how nice it would be to have a scientist as lovely as (Y/N) to conduct some experiments alongside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Aww, I love a happy ending! Bonus points to anyone who can guess which show-tune Tony was humming (Hint: It’s from an old film musical that people consider to be a Christmas movie lol). Thank you all so much for reading and commenting, and I hope that you have a wonderful holiday season!

Fanfiction Masterlist

Marvel Taglist: @brooke0297

All Works: @crowleysqueenofhell @momc95 @groovy-lady​

[aidansplaguewind]

This isn’t Aidan related but I just needed to get something off my chest and I felt like I could trust you with it. You’re free to judge me, in fact I judge myself too. As someone who’s been in fandoms for like 15 years now, whenever I’ve been crushing on an irl person and not a character, I’ve never been able to feel “happy” for them when they have a partner. I get so jealous. I keep thinking “what does this woman have that I don’t” and it’s killing me. And I can’t even mention this to other people because they, obviously, judge me. I’m not proud of this and I wish I could change it. But I get super jealous and start comparing myself to that woman and it fucks my mental health up. I don’t know how people are ok with the fact that somebody has the person they want so much. I’m literally praying inside for a break up. Ugh.

Oh, I'm not going to judge you for this anon, because I understand it. I've always felt like people who are really, really, into someone and want them in that way, and then say they are happy for that person when that person is in love with someone else, either maybe didn't want them as bad as they thought, or is lying a little bit. To everyone else as well as themselves. And that goes for celebs or irl crushes.

That's not to say I don't want happiness for Aidan, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terribly jealous. With that being said, I have too much respect for him to ever say anything negative about his partner in case he saw it (my blog is like the top Aidan blog on here now so it wouldn't be hard) or, if I were in a position to do such a thing, try to break him up with his partner.

What I don't get, is when it's someone irl, no one cares if you hate your crush's girlfriend/boyfriend. They seem to totally understand it and will even participate in the partner-bashing with you, but the second you do it over a celebrity, people jump to attack you. That's just so weird to me because celebrities are completely out our reach, so who really gives a fuck if we hate their partners? With real life crushes it's actually much more possible to cause harm with jealousy and hatred.

But anyway, you don't have to worry about me judging you for that, but I have no doubt others have. Hell, I'll probably get some judging me just for what I said here. I give no fucks. I'm too old to care what strangers on the internet think of me. I do, however, still keep some thoughts and opinions to myself on here. Not because I care what they think of me, but because I just don't feel like dealing with the drama and anons it would bring with it.

I think what you're feeling is pretty damn normal, the rest just don't want to admit it.

[stormblessed95]

Hello 👋 This is an out of box question 😅

I’ve noticed Jimin bring this up a lot recently, especially yesterday during his cute workshop vlog, and it’s got me curious. He’s been mentioning that he’s become really shy and kinda anxious/or awkward when he is doing a vlive or something by himself, and I’m not sure why? The big thing I can most definitely see if the pandemic having an effect on it, but during 2020 they were pretty active on vlive and doing things remotely so I’m curious if something else happened that made his anxious by himself? Like he did a few vlive’s during 2020 and then there seemed to be a shift and I can count a few small statements where he mentions saying it is weird being by himself and wanting his members. My heart aches whenever he says those things cause I don’t like being by myself and can relate, it’s just something I noticed he is saying now and I just got curious cause it seems to be new. 💜 보라해

Jimin has actually been talking about being or feeling shy for a very long time, not just the past few years. He was self nominated and all the members agreed in an older interview that he was the most shy member in the group. Namjoon then made the iconic "he is shy, just not on stage" comment lol which encouraged many.... many edits.... 🤣

JK in 2020 also voted Jimin as the member who is most shy (Jimin voting JK lol)

Many ARMYs over the years would describe Jimin as being the most shy member when they spoke to them at fansigns too, even when he can also be crazy bold with them at times too.

He was described in a few different articles over the years about being shy, but still bold.

Article link from the tweet

Even all the way back predebut, Tae jokingly asked Jimin why he was so shy and would look out for him in school

He often gets shy easily, especially when he makes a mistake or messes up and would go hide with or hug on the members to bring himself comfort. Lol

He IS an extrovert, but he is most comfortable with people he knows well and loves around him and with him. And I think it's always been this way. There is no one way to be an extrovert or introvert btw. Extrovert doesn't mean you aren't shy. It just means that you draw energy from being around people. And introvert means you draw energy from being alone. Jimin likes being around people. Doesn't mean he is comfortable around ALL people right away. Lol it just means he likes being around HIS people whenever he can. 🥰 and that he would prefer the company of the people he loves and is comfortable around then being alone.

But that has nothing to do with people he doesn't know! Lol which is probably where that shyness starts kicking in. But who knows. In the end, I trust Jimin knows himself best and does whatever brings him happiness. And I'm glad he is surrounded by so many people who loves him! All 3 logs so far has included them talking about missing the other members. They all really do love each other dearly.

Idk if this helped at all. Other than just talking about Jimin being shy. Lol but hopefully it did. Thank you for the ask 🥰💜💜

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

Most of the time when we talk about social media being bad for us we mean for our mental health. These platforms make us anxious, depressed, and insecure, and for many reasons: the constant social comparison; the superficiality and inauthenticity of it all; being ranked and rated by strangers. All this seems to make us miserable.

But I don’t just think it makes us miserable. I’ve written before about how it makes us bitchy. And self-absorbed. And over time I’m becoming convinced that our most pressing concern isn’t that social media makes us feel worse about ourselves. It’s that social media makes us worse people.

Social comparison, for example. This is one of the main problems people mention when talking about the harms of social media. Constantly comparing our beauty, our success, our lifestyle, our popularity, to infinite streams of other people makes us feel anxious and inadequate, yes. But I also think it makes us resentful. Bitter. Competitive. Quietly wishing for others to fail. We talk constantly about what like, follow and comment metrics do to our self-esteem—but don’t they also make us so shallow? We hate when people judge us by numbers on a screen, but aren’t we doing it all the time, to everyone else, even subconsciously? We talk endlessly about how editing apps and filters give girls and young women anxiety and body dysmorphia, which is important, but never about how they make us competitive, envious, vain. Sometimes it’s not my self-esteem I’m worried about. It’s who I become when I obsess over my profile and image and what everyone else is doing. Sometimes I lock my screen and don’t like who is looking back at me in its black reflection.

I think the same is true of dating apps. There’s so much discourse about how these platforms make us sad and anxious. We talk about how bad being ghosted is for our mental health, and how being swiped past destroys our self-esteem. But don’t they also just make us horrible? Funny how we never talk about who we become when we use these apps; how we behave. Honestly I feel more pity for those relentlessly swiping through and ghosting people than the ones who keep getting rejected. Isn’t that the real tragedy? It’s terrible to be treated like some disposable product but worse, I think, to watch yourself shopping for another person, to know you’re judging them on the most superficial standards that you would hate someone to judge you on, to act in this psychopathic way where you’re paying premium to access “Your Top Picks” of human beings. People always say dating apps make them feel weird and I think this is why. It’s not always mental health. Sometimes it’s a deeper sense that this is wrong; that this is inhuman.

We also complain, constantly, about how inauthentic everyone is, how people are always performing and how this fakeness makes us feel insecure and inferior. But what about being fake ourselves? It’s so easy to be dishonest now. We can so easily disguise our vanity as virtue. Here’s a post about Palestine where I’m posing! I’m standing up for conservative values—with a hot selfie of me at a protest! People on all sides pretend their platforms are about political causes and activism when really they just provide perfect opportunities to constantly talk about themselves. And to be rewarded for doing nothing! Now you can be showered with praise for that heartfelt tweet you typed about your mum on Mother’s Day when you didn’t bother to call her or write her a card. You can be applauded by strangers for that Instagram post about how much you love the daughter you don’t spend any time with and never really listen to. And even if we mean it, I think sharing these things shreds them of sincerity. Now we feel a flicker of integrity and immediately publicise and monetise it until it’s dead. We enjoy validation from the fakest displays of virtue and then at the same time revel in the downfall of others; reserve so little faith and forgiveness for anyone else.

And actually, paradoxically, I think all this is a major part of the mental health crisis. This feeling that we are all becoming worse. Our loss of empathy, our lack of regard for others, our neurotic obsession with our own image—it’s taking a toll. Maybe subconsciously. But I think deep down we know it. We know when people are using their dying relatives for Twitter likes, filming their private moments of “quiet reflection”, all the way to posing on the train tracks at Auschwitz for their Tinder profiles, that the conversation can no longer just be about how bad social media is for our mental health. It has to be how bad it is for our humanity.

Of course it isn’t just social media to blame. The trade-off in modern life seems to be comfort and freedom in return for being so horrifically trapped in our own heads. So much of modern culture now seems to exist to excuse our self-obsession. [...] And I think more generally our problem is a progressive culture where we are afraid to say what is decent moral conduct, where we can’t really call out what is undignified or distasteful anymore, where we’re terrified to enforce any ethical expectations.

But then: social media. Modernity mined culture of its customs, denied the importance of families, made a mockery of generational wisdom—and then left the door wide open for companies to crawl in and decide what we value. What did we expect when we took down the traditions? When we uprooted our communities? And allowed a generation to be raised by algorithms and the role models it generates for them? And these platforms are always just there, too, reminding us constantly, daily, hourly, that it’s okay to have so little regard for other people. Of course we can all be cruel and selfish and insincere sometimes—but never before in history have we had a portable machine here to promote it. To indulge it. To reward our self-obsession and rename it personal branding, to protect our vanity as #selfexpression, to defend our basest desires “because you owe it to yourself”!

Of course some people will insist that you can use social media selectively, for good things. You just have to be smart with it. Sure! Maybe you’ve trained your algorithm to deliver you diet videos and exercise tips and positive affirmations. Hate to say it but it’s still all about you. It’s all about your self-improvement. Still a constant, even subconscious reminder to think about yourself. Even healthier algorithms and platforms all have the same problem: you are the centre. What are you thinking about? What’s on your mind? We are a generation forever being told to take ourselves more seriously [...] and we wonder why Gen Z grow up to be self-absorbed and entitled and constantly think their existence is invalidated by the real world.

And yes, of course, you can argue we are accountable. We can avoid these platforms and try to treat people well. No they’re not an excuse to be a bad person. But I worry. I worry that there’s never been such constant cultural messaging. There’s never been so much nudging. There’s never been more incentives. And I worry most for the children—the 7 year-old girls now behaving like Instagram influencers, adopting their mannerisms, who think growing up is getting to buy more products and have a career where a camera is constantly on them. I worry that kind, humble, modest children are being raised by influencers whose income relies on the most shallow human impulses, who have zero incentive to teach them any morals or decency. And companies are getting closer and closer access to them, all the time ramping up the incentives to behave badly.

And actually, I’m losing hope for people taking accountability because all this has accelerated so much and so fast that we can’t seem to see what it’s doing to us, let alone make better choices. Having a camera roll full of thousands of selfies is now completely normal. So is checking how many likes your tweet has while someone is talking to you. So is swiping through human beings like you’re on Amazon. Most of us do things like this sometimes and we feel that it’s weird, we know it’s a bit bleak, but more and more people don’t seem to even see a problem. They spend five hours a week taking selfies and don’t see it as vanity. They talk about people’s follower counts like it’s a measure of worth without a thought of what’s becoming of them. They are so obsessed with their digital reputation they can’t see how they are degrading their real life one for it. They can point to all the ways social media is killing their mental health but never their humility. And so many of us delude ourselves that these platforms are harmless and light-hearted, all while we can feel them destroying us on the inside. All while we are becoming steadily more self-absorbed, in ways that play out in our real relationships and I think eat away at us and our respect for ourselves. Maybe that funny feeling we get from social media isn’t always anxiety. Maybe sometimes that feeling is shame.

Oh well! We’re having fun, right? We’re entertained! We’re all more connected, apparently. But who said I want to be connected to people like this? I don’t even feel connected to myself when I behave this way. I’m starting to think that [...] all this places insane psychological demands on people until they degenerate into someone they are not. Or at least someone less than they could have been.

I honestly don’t know where we go from here. Distancing ourselves from these platforms, yes. Staying away from things that, no matter how normal they seem now, we feel are changing us for the worse. But I also think a good place to start is to change the way we talk about social media. Not just about our vulnerabilities but our vices. Not just about our anxiety but our arrogance. And to look at ourselves, honestly, all of us, and think, for once, not only about how all this is making us feel. But who the hell is it making us become?

[cherrypink-t]

Did the cis women in anyone else’s life take their transition personally, like really fucking personally? Cause mine did. For awhile it seemed like some of the women in my family felt personally slighted or something. As if me doing what I wanted with my body was an insult to them somehow.

For example my great grandmother had a lot to say about my transition, most of which I actually didn’t listen to. I honestly never planned on coming out to her, we weren’t close, she wasn’t going to be around for all that long (she was like 87), I didn’t really see a reason in bugging her about it. She was very progressive on most issues so that wasn’t why I didn’t want to come out to her, it really just seemed like a hassel. But she apparently noticed that my chest seemed different (not in a creepy way it’s very noticeable if someone was used to seeing me in a bra not a binder) and asked my aunt who outed me to her. So when I went over to her house to help my grandma care for her the first thing I’m met with when I walk into her room is something along the lines of, “why don’t you want to be a woman? Women are amazing?,” along with something else I didn’t hear cause I just told her to mind her own business and walked away. I’d always found that almost lectured odd because I’ve literally never said anything about women in regards to my transition other than the fact that I’m not one. I was able to force an apology for this by just refusing to go over and help take care of her. I know it wasn’t sincere but she was always extremely stubborn, and never said sorry for anything so it felt like a win in my book. Maybe that was mean of me but not much I can do about it now.

My aunt had a semi similar comment. I mentioned that I didn’t want to go to Texas because of the laws there (at the time they weren’t as crazy as now but still bad) and she went on this weird rant about women that ended with, “but you think being a woman is the worst thing in the world,” then finish it with, “well I guess it is,” referring to how women are treated especially in places like Texas. This whole conversation felt just so accusatory, and kinda te/rfy. I don’t mind discussing feminism and things like that with her but she turned a convo about me not wanting to go to Texas because of the anti-trans laws there into what seemed like a competition about who had it worse. Then seemed to turn this whole thing on me, as if I was transitioning to avoid misogyny which is just classic te/rf talk. Because obviously me declaring that I’m a trans guy means everyone treats me like a man now /s.

In both these conversations it really felt like they considered me transitioning to be somehow hurting them. Idk, maybe it’s because I’m the only person in the youngest generation of our family born afab, and they feel frustrated now there’s not a daughter in the family or something. It’s just so frustrating cause I’ve never said anything bad about women or anything like that. I’m just not one and for some reason they act like that’s me insulting them.

Idk, I’m just honestly trying to make sense of all the weird interactions I’ve had since coming out as trans masc. I don’t get why they happen and they always seem to come out of nowhere. It’s like people think I’ve done something mean just by transitioning which is ridiculous. I just hate that I can’t talk about some of my problems to my aunt anymore. We used to be so close and now it feels like whenever something about me being trans comes up there’s a divide between us.

[dragondemoness]

Ultimate Cuteness Reader - Ultra Despair Girls Edition (Story Mode) Part One

New parts every Saturday! Wow, look at me, setting a schedule…

Now joined by Toko Fukawa and Komaru Naegi, you continued your journey.

Komaru remembered a very large bridge that you could use to escape Towa City. Together, you ventured inside a busted-up hotel and solved a Monokuma Kid’s riddle before leaving on the opposite side and heading towards the bridge.

Before crossing, you heard a voice.

“Hey! You three!”

A young boy with messy brown hair and a blue jacket rushed towards you. He seemed bubbly and bouncy, happy to finally see some normal people.

He noticed the bands on you and Komaru’s wrists, and was relieved to see that he wasn’t alone.

Not that it was a good thing, but it was reassuring.

He introduced himself as Yuta Asahina, causing Toko to jolt in shock. You thought for a moment before turning to her.

“Asahina? Wasn’t there an Asahina in your class, Toko?” You asked. She groaned.

“Ugh, yeah… That idiot swimmer girl.” She muttered.

While Komaru and Yuta were talking, the former mentioned that you had a wristband too, and waved you over to them.

You walked to them, and Komaru took hold of your wrist to show it to him.

The fact that one more person was stuck in the Warriors of Hopes’ game was disturbing, but Yuta noticed something else.

“Woah… You’re adorable,” he muttered in awe. Komaru beamed.

“I know, right?? They literally went to Hope’s Peak as the Ultimate Cuteness!” She said, making you blush.

“Y-Yeah, it’s true. I’m (Name) (Last Name). Nice to meet you.” You smiled shyly.

Yuta grinned. “Nice to meet you! You’re so cute!” This made your blush deepen, and you heard Toko groan in the background.

“S-Seriously? Do you get this everywhere?”

After that, the four of you started crossing the bridge. Yuta rushed ahead of you, forcing you, Toko and Komaru to try and catch up with him.

You made it to the end, only to find that the rest of the bridge had collapsed. Then you were forced to scramble back to the other side when the bridge started falling apart due to the Monokuma Kids’ meddling.

Then Yuta started pumping himself up, preparing to swim to the other side. Which was naturally met with skepticism and shock from the two girls.

“Swimming… Wasn’t that Asahina’s talent? The one from Hope’s Peak?” You asked Toko.

“Y-Yeah… I wouldn’t be surprised if he could swim too.” Yuta rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile.

“Well, track and field is more my specialty, but I can do it. It’s not that I’m bad, it’s just that there was always someone better.”

You and Toko exchanged a look.

“But even so, the other side looks so far away,” Komaru protested.

“Yeah, that looks pretty tiring,” Yuta said.

“But the water is freezing, and with all the pollution, there are weird creatures in there…” Toko said.

“Then I guess I’ll be extra careful,” Yuta responded. Toko walked over to him.

“No, it’s not that! I’m telling you not to try it, you idiot swimmer! D-Don’t be a hero!”

What she said made you remember your time at Hope’s Peak. Even if you were in a different class, you overheard several instances where she called one of her classmates an “idiot swimmer.”

“Idiot swimmer…? But I’m on the track team!” Yuta protested.

“Anyway! This isn’t the time to rush into things. Let’s think this out.” Toko insisted.

“I’m honored that you worry about me, but I’ve already made up my mind.” Yuta responded, only irritating Toko further.

“S-So you’re just going to refuse to listen to reason?!” She called out.

“Look, all I have to do is ask for help from those Future Foundation guys once I get across, right? I’ll bring back help, I promise! So just wait for me until then, okay?”

“Assuming they actually help you…” You muttered, but your voice was muffled by your plush rabbit, which you held in front of your face.

With that, Yuta started walking to the end of the bridge. With one more warning from Komaru, he dived into the water and began swimming rapidly to the other side. Komaru cheered him on while Toko watched him anxiously and you were intrigued. 

Suddenly, a huge explosion went off, and the water that erupted from the ocean began pouring back onto the ground. Once it finally stopped, Yuta was nowhere to be seen.

The three of you stood in shock. Komaru wanted to go back in and save him, but Toko shot the idea down. 

Yuta was dead. Nobody could survive after something like that.

The realization sunk in, and Komaru fell to the ground in tears. After that, she saw no hope in continuing.

Toko, clearly irritated and not sure of what to do, tried to motivate her with a small speech. Even though it took a couple of tries, Komaru stood back up. With no more options, she swore to keep going. For Yuta’s sake as well.

Then Toko presented another way of escape: the subway. The trains were likely down, but they could walk across the train tracks and escape that way.

With a new hope in mind, although small, Komaru was ready to continue. 

Then she looked over at you. You hadn’t said anything yet, and she was concerned.

“(Name)? Are you okay?” She slowly approached you.

“He’s g-gone… He’s dead… S-So that’s wh-what happens when we t-try to leave this place…?”

Your hands began shaking, and you fell to your knees, holding your plush rabbit in front of your face as the tears fell down.

“It’s not fair! We should have had more time! We only just met, and now he’s dead! It’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not FAIR!” You wailed, seemingly a mixture of despair and rage. A childish tantrum, but somehow it was understandable. 

“Oh no no! It’s okay!” Komaru exclaimed, rushing over to comfort you. Toko sighed in irritation.

“Oh come on! Now I have to deal with t-two blubbering morons?”

Komaru held you close to her and rubbed your back lightly while you cried into her chest. She swore she saw your bunny’s head move as you held it in front of your face, but she brushed it off. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay… Yuta might not be with us anymore, but there’s still a chance of escape. There’s still hope!” Komaru tried to cheer you up. You looked up at her with a red, tear-stained face.

“Hope…?” Your voice was weak and barely heard. Komaru grinned and nodded.

“Yeah! There’s a subway we can use to escape.” She tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “So try to keep your chin up, okay? You’re too cute to be crying like this.” 

You wiped your tears and nodded. Komaru helped you to your feet. Then she knelt down, picked up your bunny and handed it back to you with a smile.

“Here you go!” You took it from her with a small smile of your own. “Thanks…”

Komaru gently held your shoulders as you walked back to Toko.

“Ugh… Now what am I supposed to say to that i-idiot swimmer girl?” She seemed genuinely concerned for how she would react, but it passed when she noticed you two there. 

“Took you long enough! I was about to leave without you…”

“Sorry…” Komaru smiled sheepishly.

“Geez, how did you g-go from crying and pathetic to all warm and cuddly? You make no sense…”

“Anyway, we’ve found another way to escape, so let’s get going. (Name), are you okay now?” 

You sniffled and nodded. “Yeah.”

Komaru smiled. “Great! Let’s get out of here together, okay?” You nodded in agreement.

“And you too, Toko.” Toko said nothing.

With that, the three of you left the bridge and headed to search for the underground subway.