#it's 530 AM and i have to work at 2 PM

[genericpuff]

The Mishandling of LO’s S3 Mi(n)season Hiatus - Part 3 2/2

ALRIGHT. THIS IS THE LAST PART. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

I had completely forgotten how long the mi(n)season finale for S3 was, but I suppose it makes sense considering it was operating as the true cliffhanger before the 4 month break.

If you haven't read the first 3 parts of this episodic breakdown, please go check these ones out first:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 1/2

Alright, let's get this show on the road!

CAUTION: THIS IS PART 2 OF THE THIRD PART OF A 3 + 1 PART SERIES IN WHICH I WILL BE SPOILING MUCH OF EPISODES 251-253. THIS EPISODE CONTAINS TOPICS SURROUNDING SEXUAL ASSAULT. THIS WILL BE A LONG POST. BRACE YOURSELF.

We've gotten delusional Leuce. We've gotten erasure of the SA. We've gotten a complete bastardization of the original myths that this story got its claim to fame on. The dread has set in, and all I want to do is get off Mr Bones' Wild Ride. But we have one more stretch of mind-numbing track to go, because the reveal of Persephone starting winter was not the end, oh no. The true cliffhanger of this episode - upon which the fans and critics alike have sat on for 4 months - proves that when we think Rachel has gotten crazy enough in this circus she calls a "retelling", she manages to prove that yes, she can make things even crazier, and no, you will not have a good time.

Ironically, despite that opening, I actually have a lot less to say about this last part of Episode 253 than I did about the first part. Obviously there's no feasible way to top "Persephone causes winter", but this episode does come rather close in its absurdity. Ultimately, if these essays have proven anything, it's just how much Rachel retcons things, to such an extent now that she seems to be retconning or outright forgetting information that she established just a handful of episodes prior. You'll see what I mean here as we go along in this.

As soon as it's hinted at that Persephone has started winter, we cut away to Apollo. Because, as per LO tradition, we can't spend longer than 10-15 panels on a single scene.

Already this seems like... really odd framing.

This is Apollo. A character who has been a villain since basically the beginning of the comic, when he sexually assaulted Persephone. This is not something that's up for debate. This is not something that can be refuted, as much as the comic may try to erase it or twist it into something else.

And yet, the vibe I get from this is, "Misled but good-deep-down character being taken advantage of by a sinister being." This isn't the type of framing we should be seeing around a character like Apollo.

I mentioned it ages ago in my post about the SA erasure that it really feels like Rachel is slyly trying to make Apollo empathetic, from giving us an entire episode in his perspective to adding extra panels into the books to making Persephone weirdly reminiscent of feelings for Apollo that she never had.

One thing I also touch on in that post is how Apollo is framed against Zeus. Zeus is also a villain character for much of the series, and even after he's "redeemed", the fanbase still considers him largely to be an antagonistic force. So to have Apollo be trying to take down Zeus comes across as very "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" and I really don't like seeing that framing when it's regarding a rapist.

And this scene largely feels the same. It feels like Rachel's trying to sway the audience into believing Apollo is like Draco Malfoy - a misled boy who "didn't know any better" and was being manipulated by a greater evil. If you haven't guessed by now, that "greater evil" is Ouranos.

Why is it Ouranos? In my opinion (so take this with grains of salt) this is because they need to somehow "one up" Kronos and give Persephone and Hades a tangible force to fight against, to draw a clean line in the sand between "good" and "evil" so that we, the audience, will be forced to categorize Persephone and Hades as "good" and someone else as "evil".

But really, why Ouranos? We're told that he manipulated Gaia to use her powers in an attempt to create "hierarchy" (whatever the FUCK that means, I don't think Rachel really understands how societal hierarchies are created) but there's NOTHING to imply that he was tyrannical or "evil" in the same way that Kronos has been depicted. Rachel's basically submitting this whole plotline to "well it's in the prophecy" but there was NOTHING dictating that she had to try and write a "prophecy" storyline to begin with. So as a result, it feels very tacked on and it's hard to tell what the point is, it really just seems like Rachel watched too much Marvel one week and decided that Lore Olympus - a fantasy romance - needed a big bad.

And by extension it feels like Apollo is being used as a pawn in this dynamic. By making him subservient to an "evil" force, it means he can labelled as definitively "evil", and thus it gives Rachel a vehicle to have Apollo taken down - or even perhaps empathized with much like in the Draco Malfoy sense - without having to touch the SA plot that she set up and never resolved.

He was evil before, but he wasn't the kind of evil that Rachel could write around. Because she doesn't know how to write SA or give her female characters any sense of retribution or agency. We've seen that already with her robbing Demeter of winter and Persephone of her feelings regarding the SA. There was never going to be a chance in hell she was going to be able to write herself out of a plotline she's been procrastinating for 4+ years.

That said, this is just a vibe I get, so I'm not gonna speak on it much more. This is one of those "we're really not gonna know until the comic returns" situations.

Once again, Rachel's trying to make Apollo seem like a "master manipulator", but she's also trying to make him seem like he's the one being manipulated, but she's ALSO trying to write him as a big dumb idiot who literally can't grasp consent. Apollo has to be one of the most inconsistently written characters in the entire comic, and yes, that includes Persephone. Again, it just goes to show she hasn't been able to fully commit to the SA plotline because Apollo's motivations and intelligence levels change with each passing episode. Sometimes he's being nefarious and plotting to overthrow the King, other times he's literally asking a nymph if she'd be willing to cut her hair to look like Persephone. The comic can't choose and so we, the audience, can't tell why Apollo is even still here.

Again, this is SUCH bizarre framing. If we're to believe that Persephone has been "cursed" by no longer being able to create Spring, only Winter, then does that make Ouranos and Apollo the heroes here? Because Ouranos is right, if Persephone is causing winter, that's going to kill the mortals, which is the complete OPPOSITE of what she's trying to do. So what are we left with? A plotline where Apollo and Ouranos might actually have a point about how she rushed into a marriage with the King of the Underworld and sacrificed everything that gave her agency and power - both metaphorically and literally - in the process?

Again, this is why Rachel fundamentally misunderstands the original purpose of The Hymn to Demeter and how she's, by and large, made her retelling worse in an attempt to be "subversive". It puts the plot and character motivations in a place where it's hard to tell what the story is trying to say, I can understand if maybe Rachel's trying to write a conflict where Apollo uses this information to manipulate her, but it doesn't help that knowing EVERYTHING we know about the H x P relationship within the context of this comic, Ouranos has a point that Persephone's union with the King of the Dead is problematic. It might not be the same "problematic" that we're all thinking of, but it really just reinforces the criticisms of this relationship. Is the comic really asking us to say "fuck the human race, they're in love" ??? Because that's NOT what the point of the original myth was in the slightest and it's just a really weird place to put your audience in.

It's 4:45 AM right now as I'm typing this so my thoughts are a little scattered, but all this really feels like is an attempt on Rachel's part to create a new "big bad" for her to use as a distraction from the SA plot and to give Persephone a "flaw", but that "flaw" really only takes away the strength of another character.

Oh, and by the way? This whole "you need the fertility goddess" thing? THE COMIC HAS ALREADY TOLD US THIS WON'T WORK BECAUSE SHE HAS TO BE IN LOVE WITH APOLLO FOR HIM TO BE ABLE TO USE HER POWERS. SO RACHEL'S ALREADY WRITTEN HERSELF INTO A CORNER THAT SHE'LL EITHER HAVE TO SOLVE OR RETCON ENTIRELY. DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS SO ABSURD???

This line is kind of jarring because we had the Kassandra prophecy at the beginning that talked about the herb, but the prophecy Ouranos is talking about is the one about the sons of kings overthrowing their fathers. I definitely forgot about that one for a hot second reading this, I didn't get how this sequence related to the poisonous plant thing because they're framed as completely separate prophecies. It's not like Kassandra said in her initial prophecy that this plant would be used to overthrow a King again, she just said that the plant still existed and Psyche figured it out on her own that Apollo was gonna use it on Zeus. IDK that's just something that bugged me (also again, why are they believing her prophecies when we literally just had it established an episode ago that no one believes her prophecies LMAO)

Because if it wasn't enough for LO to have one Evil Robot Jeff Bridges villain, it had to throw in another one for good measure. It's just a line of dads and grandpas going back centuries waiting for their turn in the ring with Persephone.

lmao I love this 'hint' at Apollo being the one to write the note from Hebe and leave the cupcake for Zeus. Like... duh? We already put that together as SOON as Psyche said gasp "Zeus!" and then it showed Zeus eating the cupcake while Psyche called him on the phone telling him Apollo was gonna try and harm him. This sequence of 'revealing what really happened' doesn't work here because we've already been told what happened.

Except we know he won't. There's no tension to this whatsoever.

That's Hebe by the way.

It's odd that Apollo is embracing this prophecy when he has a kid himself. He literally has a fully grown son in this comic. I guess Apollo forgot about that, just like Rachel.

And that's it. That's the midseason finale. Ouranos is the new twist villain and Apollo is... whatever the fuck Rachel plans on doing with him.

Now, this leads me to my original motivation to create this series of reviews. It spawned from a conversation we were having in the Discord, discussing what it must be like to be a free reader who hasn't paid for the FP episodes that are still behind a paywall. This is not standard for LO, it hasn't kept FP episodes behind paywalls in the past during long hiatuses like this. I can even prove this with screenshots from the Wayback Machine, during the last midseason hiatus:

(whoof, that rating has dropped. I know it doesn't seem like much but for a series with millions of readers, by law of averages it takes a LOT of poor ratings to pull that number down compared to a series that only has a few readers)

Point is, this is the first time Rachel/WT have done this. Now, I will make this perfectly clear, I don't think this was a decision that was purely on Rachel. WT controls much of the backend like paywall costs, release dates, etc. so I'm not gonna go pinning this on her.

However, I do think this is a completely bungled attempt at trying to get people to pay up. LO has been dropping in views steadily but surely since the midseason break for S2. It's not pulling in the peak numbers that it used to, while it does still pull in a lot more views and money than other series on the platform, it's nowhere near the juggernaut that it once was in terms of record-breaking numbers, and I think WT knows that. So this really comes across as a stunt to get readers to FP, assuming that people will HAVE to pay if they're left waiting for 4 months.

But here's the flaw in that logic - people are still going to have to wait 4 months anyways. Reading those 3 locked episodes, especially all at once, will still leave you in the same place as you were beforehand.

And it shows in the numbers that people aren't falling for the bait.

Again, 17k likes still isn't anything to sneeze at for a FP episode, but it's still just barely above the new average that LO has gained over the past two years. I remember a time when those like counts would be 30k+. And now, despite being on break 4 months with these episodes still locked behind a wall, it's barely able to scrap by its new average of roughly 14-15k, and that average is when episodes are actually updating.

Obviously like counts = / = viewcounts but when they fluctuate, we know that the views have to be as well by extension, at least to some extent, and that's still engagement that's dropped of in and of itself. And we can also see a rough look at how the views have dropped off through the comic's landing page. Now, it's hard to compare data because there was a time when WT actually didn't give follower/view counts on the landing page (this was also when the like count capped at 99k) but we can still see a downslide in growth very visibly in the view count, sub count, and most of all, the rating, which has been steadily dropping for years now.

August 2020:

May 2021:

November 2021:

March 2022 (don't get confused by the 995 million, this is where view count comes in):

September 2022:

March 2023:

Today (October 24th, 2023):

Again, there's no way to get a true clear picture of LO's stats beyond this surface level data, but it does show that LO is just not getting the rapid growth it used to. People are moving on from it. And while its view and sub count are steadily increasing (albeit slowly for a webtoon that gets as much marketing as it does) the average rating is going down. It's clear that the majority of LO's growth happened between 2018 and 2020, which would make sense as the series was still relatively new compared to how it's become old news today, and Webtoons experienced a boom in 2020 due to the COVID-19 lockdowns - a boom that they think still applies in the year 2023, judging by their attempts to import as many series onto the platform as possible and capitalize on an audience that just isn't there anymore.

All of this leads me to wonder - what's in it for free readers after all this? Because if you recall from where we started, the cliffhanger they started on was Hades - possessed by Kronos - attempting to strangle Persephone, a cliffhanger that was resolved within seconds for FastPass readers. If they don't FastPass after that, they'll be met with numerous reveals that don't even make sense for the plot as a whole (such as Leuce making up the text messages).

Again, I don't want to claim that this was a decision on Rachel's part, but it really seems like either she didn't plan this hiatus, or her inability to write naturally without the need for addictive-style formatting as a crutch made it so that the free readers would be given the worst midseason premiere ever.

And what are we, the FastPass readers, going to return to? There are still so many plot threads that have been left unresolved, multiple villains being setup, and as far as Webtoons and Rachel have revealed during NYCC, LO is supposed to end by the spring. That's 20-30 weeks TOPS, which isn't exactly a whole lot of wiggle room for a writer like Rachel who's chronically bad at pacing and getting to the point of the plots she's established.

I know there are so many readers right now anticipating the return of this comic, some of whom genuinely believe this comic is "better than ever" and others who are critical of it but hope that the comic will come back in a better state after the hiatus. But right now there's so much evidence to support the contrary - that LO is about to come back in as bad, if not worse, condition than it was in when it left.

And through all this, for a comic that's finally ending after 5 years, I have to ask - where is the hype? Why are Webtoons and Rachel keeping the finale of this comic behind closed doors? Where's the promotional art, the hinting at what's to come, the attempts to generate any semblance of excitement for the readers who are still left after clinging onto this ride for 5 years? Why were the fans themselves barred out of their own communities during the majority of the hiatus?

And that just leads me to an even more discouraging thought. This is not meant to accuse Rachel or make assumptions. It's simply a thought that I had while thinking about what the series could possibly pull upon its return, so please, take this with MOUNTAINS of salt. It's one thing I hadn't considered with the knowledge that LO will be returning with 3 episodes still behind a paywall, a 'buffer' in and of itself for Rachel to work off of.

Rachel only technically needs one episode ready for the release. Not three as she normally would if the episodes had been unlocked like in previous hiatuses. That's not including whatever buffer episodes she would need beyond the upload schedule, but she's proven to be chronically bad at maintaining a buffer as well since day one.

We haven't seen any promotional art. No hinting. No hyping beyond what's been seen for her "Rachel Smythe Presents" series.

With all that in mind, I have one question to leave this on:

Has Rachel even started working on Episode 254 yet?

[kingxfmischief]

[Lmao so it's 430 in the morning let's go over how the last day pr so has been.

1. Friday morning I forget my psychiatric meds, don't realize til I go to bed Friday night. Start having brain zaps around 7 pm Friday night. Said brain zaps are SEVERE all Saturday. They're still happening but minor now.

2. Go to bed at around 200 am Friday, except oops random severe pain in my legs and my brain also REFUSES to sleep. I got MAYBE two hours total through the nine hours I had to sleep.

3. Couldn't sleep longer cause I had a work rehire event that I was barely able to stay awake for while also suffering severe mental symptoms.

4. Go home, try to nap. Got less than an hour, still couldn't sleep right.

5. Go to get dinner. Same exact dinner I had Friday night, eat it around 5 or 530. Oops it causes SEVERE nausea that leaves me feeling like I'm gonna vomit until I go to bed around 9.

6. Guess what? STILL CANT FUCKING SLEEP RIGHT. Got a couple hours at first, woke up at 1230 needing the bathroom. Still vivid dreams and not proper sleep but it was something. Nausea wasn't there at first but anytime I'm awake more than 5 minutes it returns. Not as severe as when I went to bed but still not great. But oh guess what? Couldn't fall asleep at all between 1230 and 230. And then after that I can sleep for about 45 minutes to an hour at a time and the two times I've done that it's still been extremely vivid dreams, nightmares in both fucking cases, that are super realistic.

So now I'm nauseous, dealing with minor brain zaps still, and can't fuxking sleep for more than an hour at a time and only allowed extremely vivid nightmares.

I'm not sure if I wanna scream, die, or start crying.]

[jimmyflemion]

36 years, 6 months & 5 days ago it began.We entered Pearl Studios, a jingle studio on the east side of Milwaukee, 2 blocks from Shorewood.Thanx to Char Fiore who talked her soundman Todd Scott into having us record our album there for $20 an hour.We got there at 7 pm, set up, Todd set up the mikes & we proceeded to knock out 3 songs that night (What The Trouble Was, Funhouse & Therapist).Todd asked how many songs were going to be on the record & we said around 16, we thought we would be done with the record quickly, in no time.That was February 3, 1986. 2 years, 9 months & 18 days & 500 hours of studio recording & mixing time later October 21,1988,  the albums appeared at our doorstep 1010 of them.50 boxes were in our possession piled against our living room wall. We took them to Peaches record store to put on consignment. Dennis playing nice purposely didn't spell out "F**cked Over Jesus" on his song on the back of the album artwork, instead opting for "F'd Over Jesus" to make it more commercial. The Peaches sales team at the record store counter still needed to protect its public & placed the records in a safe spot in their display racks. We had made our debut album. We had our own album in our hands. It had taken a long time, but it was all worth the time, sweat & effort it took to pull it off. It put a smile on our faces, like we had really accomplished something after 8 & a half years being in a band together at that point. The endless takes & retakes. Listening, studying, honing.Between working day jobs, coming home recording, overdubbing, rehearsing, practicing & writing the melody lines, playing, strumming & drumming techniques, we would rent a reel to reel and cello on the weekends, record songs that were written during the time of the record, made up songs were recorded, shows were played & in the meantime Dennis was working on the artwork for The Frogs as well as Right & Natural as both records were only 5 months apart. Often we would leave Pearl Recording studio at 2 am & I would have to be to work at the hospital at 530 am. Blessingsz to Todd for all his hard work engineering the record, who would be doing sound at nights for shows as well as working during the day so he fit us into his schedule as best as he could. Upon meeting Kurt he told Dennis thanks for the album (Dennis had given him both "It's Only Right & Natural" & "The Frogs" LP's, & Dennis said you mean "It's Only Right & Natural" & he said  "The Frogs" I've been looking for that album forever, I love that album".

We had needed an identification number on the sleeve of the album so Dennis suggested 8-08-88We had hoped somehow we could have matched the release date August 8, 1988Today is a MondayDennis & I were both born on MondayToday is August 8, 2022 so I thought it a good day to release this friend & companion album

The Frogs (The 2022 Addition)

F'd Over Jesus (In Strum Mental)

Hades High School (Scream)

Trap

She Was A Mortal (Immortal Mix)

Ocean Tide (In Strum Mental)

C-R-Y (Demo)

Why Did It Have 2 Rain?

Smile (Aaron's Calling!)

What The Trouble was With Your Mind

Layin' Down My Love 4 U (In Strum Mental)

Buried Me Alive (Demo)

Therapist

And So You're The King (3 Guitars)

F'd Over Jesus #2

Don't B Afraid (Demo)

Funhouse #2

I Can't Remember (Irish Grandpa)

Ocean Tide (Top hat Mix)

I'm A Jesus Child (Joy Ride Mix)

Purrsion Cat

Whether U Like It Or Not I Love U (Demo)

I Can't Remember (In Strum Mental)

Includes:

In Strum Mentals (We always thought on playback that they sounded amazing at full volume in the studio) DemosAlternate out-takes Songs slated that didn't make the final cut due to the 16 song plan (Why Did It Have 2 Rain?, Trap, Therapist)& alas home overdubs

Something for all It is available for your listening pleasure across all the platforms in this fine digital atmosphereSpotify, Itunes & all the others u know & love

Hope everyone is wellI haven't seen u all in person for a long time but as always I am grateful for your support

Love,

         Jimmy

[gommyworm]

>:^l

[pbandjesse]

I find it really frustrating that I can not fall asleep at night and then I am not awake and happy until like 4 pm. Its frustrating. And like. If I had a scheduled job like James, that went from 2 til 10. I honestly think I would enjoy that. Because at least Im awake for most of that time and maybe it would knock me out after. I miss my afternoon job. I miss overnights. I hope as the world opens up again I can find something like that again. 

Today wasnt all bad. But I was so tired. Its that kind of tired where I can barely see straight. Its not fun. James woke me up like I asked. And I got a shower and washed the leftover dye out of my hair. I wore my new dress and I felt very cute. I got on animal crossing for a little but after I completed the little tasks I had I just sat on the couch and watched videos. I had a donut.  And we hung out for a while. 

But I was. Very tired. He decided around 11 to start getting ready for a bike ride. And I told him I felt like a drain on our family and he tried to make me feel like I wasnt. Because he really doesnt feel like I am. But its hard. Capitalism has tainted my self worth. But it is nice to hear him tell me that its okay. 

So while he biked I stopped fighting myself and slept. But I slept a lot longer than I expected to. I asked James to wake me up when he got back but I honestly dont know when he got back. Because he did come wake me up but I think I fell back asleep? Unclear. I wandered out around 130 and he was making pasta and offered to make me lunch. I asked for a grilled cheese. Which was good but I have a wound on the roof of my mouth again so it hurt to eat it. 

But we sat together and ate our lunch until it was time for him to leave for work. 

I didnt really know what to do with myself. James suggested working on stuff for me and Jess's store because he can tell I feel better when I am making that stuff. And its true. But it was hard to like. Get started. I also knew I had to go to the grocery store and get white vinegar and quarters. And I thought I would try to find a jean jacket to paint or bead. 

So I psyched myself up and headed out. I decided to drive to the thrift store fire. And I didnt have amazing luck, but I did find a pretty good jean jacket. It smelled weird though so I put it in the laundry when I got home. And I got a pair of sweatpants and a sweater for James. I saw there was a Lidel across the street and I had heard it was a nice grocery store so I decided to try it out. 

I would say. Mixed results. It was very pretty inside. Kind of a fancier Aldi. A really nice baked good section. I did get vinegar. And they had bundles of dried lavender so I got one of those for the car. Which I dropped all over the self check out and made the security guard laugh at me. Oops. 

Since I did not get the quarters (or soda) I needed. I put in the grocery store by Hampden and headed there. I was like a half hour away. Which was a little surprising. But that was okay. I had a nice drive. 

When I got there I decided I would order chipotle because it was in the same shopping center. And when I logged into my account I found I had a free entree! Excellent. So I got free chipotle for dinner. And I got my quarters and soda and was in a very good mood. 

I walked across the street and grabbed my food. The manager there was really nice. And then it was time to go home. 

I got back here and unpack a few things. Had my chipotle, which was very good. As I finished eating I felt a little mad because I actually felt good. Like perfectly awake and happy. And it was 530 pm. It was just. Frustrating. But I decided to go with it. 

I cleaned. I tried to run the dishwasher and found the start button isnt working? So I washed everything by hand. James says he'll look into it and if we cant figure it out well ask Mr Will.  

But I vacuumed and got to work on some shop stuff. I photographed all the little things. And a tote bag. And since I was doing all the frog plushes I decided. What the hell. Ill post it on my frog instagram. I havent posted on there since June but I still have 3000 followers. So what the hell. 

And I am so glad I did. Because within an hour I had 300 likes on the first post and nice comments excited I was coming back and that the froggies were going to be for sale finally. And that gave me so much joy that people were excited so I got some inspiration for more froggie based things. Like making patches on the totebags. And so I worked for a couple hours making some of those. I am really excited. We already have like 30 followers on the new instagram. I am just really excited that other people are excited. It gives me something to work for. 

I worked on those frogs for a while. And then went to get the mail. My new velvet body suit came. The one fits great. The other is fine but was a surprise thong. Still will be good under a sweater which is the whole point of the body suits. 

I took a quick shower and now I am on the couch looking at creepy videos and thinking about making hot chocolate. I hope James comes home early. He has off tomorrow and I hope I can just feel normal like I do right now. 

Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourselves. 

[listenupb]

June 23, 2020

I gotta start taking melatonin again until my sleep schedule is back to normal.

8:20 AM: wakeup. AH YEET YEET. I have a meeting in 10 minutes. RIP me.

9:15 AM: i brew some tea while I take my dog out to the bathroom and clean her wound before wrapping it back up. - 0 cal

9:30 AM: another meeting. I find out that my complex turned the water off because of a leak. CAN I PLEASE GET A NOTICE BEFORE YOU DO THAT?! My god, today is trying me.

10:30 AM: there ain't no rest for the wicked. another meeting right after the 930 one finished. I've been waiting 2 weeks for this meeting and it was definitely worth the wait. I'm not 90% finished with one of my projects thanks to this godsend.

11:00 AM: I'm hungry so I stuff some M&Ms down my throat before my next meeting. - 140 cal

11:30 AM: another meeting, my god.

12:00 PM: another meeting. Jesus take me now. I did my makeup while listening to the presenter. Gotta take some nice selfies today.

1:00 PM: I start prepping my favorite food to eat!! King ranch chicken and rice 🤤🤤🤤 if I could eat that every day for the rest of my life I'd be satisfied.

2:00 PM: another meeting. It's the last one of the day and I'll finally be able to work in peace. WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO PUT 6 MEETINGS ON MY CALENDAR TODAY?! Snack. Cheese and crackers. - 250 cal

3:00 PM: my food is finished. TIME TO EAT. Asian salad and king ranch chicken!!! - 530 cal

5:00 PM: take my dog outside before the frigging rain starts

Okay I dropped half the rice on the counter while plating this. Please excuse the poor presentation. I know chef Gordon Ramsey would roast me crisply for this. But it tastes good.

4:00 PM: run/walk 3 miles while FaceTiming my mom. - 340 cal

5:30 PM: dessert time. Choconana smoothie. - 250 cal

Total calories consumed: 1170

Calories burned: 340

Net calories: 830

[ask-lunticas-characters]

Im not mad at my partner, I'm mad at what ever makes it so hard for them to stay up. That they run out of things to keep them awake when at watch videos. That I try and do stuff with them that doesn't need driving or exercise, and it still falls threw.

Im not mad at the friend whose dog got a cold so they had to cancel. Im mad that we might not get to go to the oddity thing. Because the dmv decided instead of just issuing their new license, they took it from my partner and are needing to do a special test to insure that my partner can drive even though they use a wheelchair. Im mad that I'm scared to drive in san diego Diego a car to much bigger than any I've ever driven. Im mad that we have to rely on people for rides. That we have to ask friends because our room mate will complain if the planned outing takes more than 2 hours. (Which isn't enough for us to really get anything done or feel better from being stuck in the house all the time)

Im not mad that the roommate took a shower at 530 PM, I'm mad that im not sure when dinner is gonna be done, whose making it and what's going on.

Im mad that today is so all over the place.

We had plans to go to a cool event that we have been planning to attend for at least a month, about 12 partner gets ready, friend shows some time after, we go to the event, maybe till close at 6pm, maybe grab food shortly after, or come home and eat. Watch videos, get plushies done.

That was the plan.

Instead, partner had trouble waking up, didn't even have ability to get out of bed to eat breakfast which they had at like 1pm. Started working in wheelchair wheel replacements which was super hard, and during which friend messaged saying puppy sick and so no ride. Which ment we could work on the wheels longer, but ment main plan completely changed. Than I try and take up the time with videos so we arnt bored, but partner falls asleep about 5, the cook is in the shower at 530 and dinner is supposed to be served at 630-7 and I don't even know if the meat is thawed.

I don't have the fabric for getting the plushies just right, I don't have any gaming systems, I got my projects and the computer I basically stole from my partner. That's all there is to keep me busy when my partner is sleeping or doing something else.

So when I try and hint wanting to watch new movies, or go fabric shopping, having the basically only ride in the house be unreliable and unable to actually listen when we say shit. I get restlessly angry. Especially since I can't Express anger right on my own. It's been nice not having Matt's anger on my shoulder always. But what am I supposed to do? The stress is still there!

I wish I could scream and yell. Instead I feel like crying. Isolating myself till it all goes away.

Masterbate and sleep it all away.

Ive been fighting with quentin over stupid shit because he's frustrated too.

- raven

[queencryo]

Journal 3

now with readmore

Journal 3

So! After typing up the last blog post, it was like… 6 am, or some shit like that. And so I finally went to sleep, very very very tired.

Silly and I had planned for me to have the buffalo chicken dip ready before she got home form work, but I… fucked that up, and slept until like 630 pm. She didn’t seem to be upset by it, but I kind of was so. Anyway!

I started on the dip, and she came home, I welcomed her (I love welcoming her home. It makes me look forward to being here long-term). Dip didn’t get started in the crockpot until like 730, 8 (I had to heat freezer chicken so it was cuttable and not frozen, I used the stove) (normally I use regular raw chicken, but I got nervous while shopping with silly’s mom so I like. Just got freezer chicken.) It turned out pretty well actually! The freezer chicken tasted very good on its own, and I’m just now realizing that after a couple days in the fridge the chicken starts breaking down in the dip anyway (I didn’t realize this until silly pointed it out, cuz I’m a [not stupid, but I don’t pay very much attention to things around me])

On that note, me and silly have started, like. Trying to be mean to ourselves less. It started cuz she. Is very mean to herself, but I then realized I still am too, so we’re! trying to do that less. It’s neat I guess. I like it. Kindness is good.

Don’t remember what was eaten for dinner that night. Something? Went upstairs to watch something while the dip cooked.

The dip was good! Silly says it was good, and that makes me very very happy. I added like. A good amount of buffalo sauce after it was done cooking, cuz it still needed some more kick. Ya know? Some  kick? (I’m typing this on my laptop so I’m like. Kind of zoning out while I’m typing it. Dw about it)

Around then I realized that silly might have problems eating that as a meal bc chips are carbs are sugar, so… bleh. Still, *I’ll* eat it as meals, nyeh. I think I’ll ocntinue using raw chicken for the dip at home, it’s nice to have the leftovers from it to put into spaghetti. Chicken spaghetti.

That night I resolved to just not sleep and stay up and eat breakfast with silly before she went to work, because that seemed very fun and nice ya know? Watched a lot of adventure time, I think I’m up to like. Season 5 now (the long one)

But… around an hour before she was scheduled to wake p I was like “oh well I mean it’ll be fine if I just… sleep for an hour and wake up with her…”

Long story short I slept until about 530 pm, and was startled to wake to an empty bed. Apparently I sleepily said I loved her before she left, though, so I guess that’s not a total loss.

So! Later that night, silly comes home all excited, and like. “Hey we should buy an xbox one”

And you know I am nothing if not someone who is willing to make very expensive decisions for like no reason. So long story short we go to gamestop, and make a delightful purchase of Halo: master chief collection, two controllers, Mass Effect: Andromeda, and NO t-shirts that say gamer girl >>>:(

Ate a place in town that is apparently The Local Wing Place. I got. Mild wings, which honestly were barely even hot. I guess I shoulda heeded the menu bit that said the mild was mostly butter. A fool am I. The fried pickles were spears not slices so they were like! Still good, EXTREMELY hot but still good.

Came home, set up the xbox. Halo requires downloading of all the games (because of course). It’s like. 70 GB, but we reduce this by setting Halo 3 to higher priority and disabling Halo 4.

Playing 3 with silly was very fun. She’s way way better at it than me, mostly bc she is smart and stays back whereas I, dumbo raised on normal difficulty that I am, rush in and die quickly in heroic.

She spent like. An hour and a half or something updating her old xbox account. Her new xbox avatar looks way better, and is extremely cool (like her). She says it feels really nice updating all of that to her new self. I can understand the feeling: ridding the wolrd of another footprint of a you that’s a lie is. Very nice, I think.

So we played more halo! No highlights, I think, but it was really nice. And fun. I’m a girl and I’m gay now and I love jesus, but I still love halo C:

I ALSO brought fable 2 along, and played it while silly slept. Gotdamn I fucking love fable 2. Silly says I’m cute when I’m really excited about something. I was REALLY excited about fable 2. I think this is the first time I’ve ever done a run that’s (hopefully) gonna be mostly strength, and possibly I’m gonna use a hammer, where before I always ALWAYS used a katana. But. I just unlocked third level shock (oo) and a very pretty steel cleaver (ooo), so… ….. hopin’ I’ll be a good bastard.

Next day. Went with silly to work, as it was Friday and Time For The Magic Commander (Commeownder, in the local parlance). I only played commander a little bit, though, before silly called me over “hey do you wanna join the draft so that there are 5 rounds and everyone suffers” (my words not hers), and of course yes, that sounds so fun.

So! What draft is is each table (of I think eight people?) opens a pack of cards for each person there. You pick out the card you want from that pack, and pass it on to the next person. Then pick a card from the new pack, then the next, then so on and on. It was very fun, and I fell kinda quickly into running a Golgari (green and black) deck, which went well for me I think? (Also I just. Like golgari. They’re cool, and not annoying like blue). I had a lot of undergrowth effects, which depended on how many creatures I had in my graveyard. MEANING, that I had a lot of creatures in my deck, and enough land to keep them flowing. So, at one point, I had a, I think, 13/13 or 16/16 (idr) Rhizome lurker (gains +1/1 for each creature in graveyard), so that was… cool? Neat?

I won my first match of the draft, largely due to my opponent offering me a lot of tips cuz I was new (the boyfriend (boyfriend, right? They’re not married?) of the person silly had an encounter with a couple months ago. I think that was before we were dating. But that guy was my first opponent, and it went well?) largely due to his help, I won te first game of the match, then the second game timed out.

Second match was against F, who everyone silly knows apparently has a crush on (I also have a crush on them (they/them)), they were very very sweet and I enjoyed my game with them a lot even though they kicked the love of god out of my ass. But they also like. Told jokes during it, so whatevs. (turns out a deck of flyers will kick a goglari deck with no reach/flying in the ass.) they also helped me edit my deck, so that was very very kind of them, and I very much appreciate it.

Uh… other highlights… uh, I played silly’s ex (they dated for like. I think a month? But still. He’s not nearly as big as silly described him), and apparently hurt his feelings because I am a. very very mean and abrasive person if you take the things I say seriously. I. feel bad about that. And I spent the rest of the night noting to please not take the things I said seriously. I ended the night with 1 win, 1 draw, 3 losses, but that’s? very very much better than I expected, tbh. I guess using a deck I actually had a hand in the creation of helps a lottttt. So that’s cool! Silly said my deck was good, but that as after F edited it, so idk if it counts?

Silly says she’s glad I actually enjoy magic and I’m not just humoring her. I do very much enjoy it! I don’t think I want to get to the level she is at (due to cost, if nothing else), it at the very least will be added to my long list of “things I have or had an interest in, that I have a dabbling or casual knowledge of that is beyond the average person by a degree ranging from slight to significant, but still pales in comparison to the knowledge of an actual practitioner”.  … this list is much much longer than the list of things I actually know things about. ;;

Spent like 30 minutes after the draft talking with silly and two regulars. I was annoying and unkind, and felt very unhappy with myself following. I also had to actually leave the store after it closed, since that’s like. The Rules. Silence and isolation (waiting in the car) are not conducive to recovery from self hatred, so that festered a little bit. I was fine eventually, though. Uh… yeah! Had to make a mark in my calendar.

Tried to stay up and play fable, but ended up falling asleep like 10 minutes after silly (I am a fucking scourge and I fail regularly to sleep at the same time as her. I am a Night Bitch)

Oh, also I was unmedicated for the entirety of the draft night, so that’de, like… that’s why I was so fucking annoying all day. That just kinda happens when I’m off it long enough, I guess.

I don’t remember more from that night, so let’s move on.

Got up w silly the next day, ate cereal, went up to the store. Woo!

Sat down with silly’s ex, some other dude. Started reading the book gf gave me about Learning Magic Good And Shit, it was actually real neat and cool! Apparently that’s what he wanted for Christmas, so it was. Slightly awkward!

I read that for a while, then joined in on a magic game. Players: one of the regulars talked to last night before closing, some girl I’d never seen called E (who was very sweet, I now love her), and some dude I don’t remember at all.

We had two games, I only remember that in the second one I ran Estrid The Masked as commander, and that was a. Long Fucking Game. Partially because I had like 11 enchantments on the board at one point, and kept using Estrid and Oath Of Terezi (planeswalkers do TWO things on a turn). Uh…

Highlights:

I had “every time someone casts a spell, make them pay an extra mana or else you can draw another card”, which I then doubled with Estrid’s invocation (at least until I had too many cards to know what to do with, so I put some enchantments in the graveyard before I ulted with estrid) I ulted Estrid like 2-3 times, lmao At one point between ults, I had “all enchantments are creatures” on the field, and then E played “destroy all creatures that aren’t pirates”, so I. lost. Uh. All my motherfucking creatures, except Estrid (not a creature), and a God (had a mask). And ALL my fucking enchantments. WARB- anyway next turn I ulted estrid again and got them all back. Lmfao. at the end of the game it cost about 14 mana / creature to attack me, it was AMAZING, the guy who made fucktons of tokens couldn’t TOUCH me so anyway. I used sacred mesa, plus like 48 mana (untapping all my enchanted lands is GREAT) to create 24 pegasi, which then became 24 4/4 flying angels (Divine Visitation), which was GREAT holy DAMN

I lost in the end, got milled by regular dude for like. 55 cards in one turn.

I coulda prevented this by exiling the creatures he used to mill me, but I just… didn’t. Ever. :C because I’m a foollllllll I also could’ve prevented this by swinging angels at him at the same time I killed the other player (E left before then, I guess she had work or something), but I just. Didn’t do that, because I was scared something would happen to them? It was an eminently foolish thing to not do, especially since I could make So Fucking Many angels. Always. Jesus I could make so many angels.

Meanwhile, silly was moving a shitton of boxes for the Big Fuckhuge Sale the next day. I felt bad that I couldn’t help, but I couldn’t bc if I got injured I could sue. Fair, I guess, but doesn’t make it easier to just sit on the sidelines. At least I brought ibuprofen from home.

Said quick goodbye to regulars who were chill, and who I played my first couple of games with.

Silly got told to just. Go home when her shift ended yesterday, which was upsetting bc she’d been looking forward to playing magic like. The whole day. Not quite the same, but we did play a few games when we got home. So that was nice C:

I ate dip for dinner, silly ate chicken buffalo. She is so. SO bad at eating all the meat on the bones. She says it’s cuz gristle is gross, but like .it’s. it’s MEAT. Eat the meat. So I ate all the gristle off the end of her wings while she said I was disgusting.

We finished halo 3 last night. I felt like. Stupid and bad because I was bein a failure at it, but god that was like. Soooo stupid. Lmfao. I shouldn’t have done that!

I finally managed to log in to my Microsoft account. Apparently my fucking username was staffgripper36, and I have no goddamned clue why that is my username for that.

But I made an avatar and she’s like. Cool af and she has a sundress so I guess I can’t really complain too much, can I?

We also started ODST! It is Neat, and I really like it thus far. I can’t remember ever seeing that intro cutscene in my life, but I guess that’s cuz I was an impatient 12 year old at the time, lmfao.

Then I played fable 2 til 7 am while silly slept. I. Don’t know why I fucking did that. I did get married, though. To marion the bookshop owner. We live in the corner house of the bowerstone market, just like the one playthrough of fable wherein I remember the name of my wife to this day (Hannah the Traveller) That house is my Home, you got me?

Finally onto today! 2520 words in. If words were feet, this journal entry would be a half-mile.

Alright… it has now been more than a full week since I started this journal entry. I’m back in Texas, and I… feel bad for that. I fear how much has been lost.

So! Next morning, I get up with silly and we go to The Work Place. The Big Fucking Sale is going on. I still wished I could help more, but unfortunately that is… not a possibility…

Wandered around the store for a while. Picked up: 4000 AD, a very old-looking game that seems neat. Mostly bought it cuz it looked old and aged as shit founders of gloomhaven, a game I got cuz it reminded me of marielda Anime Chess, that’s not the real name but silly said she’d been thinking about buying it for like. A While, so I bought it because I hate her an AD&D character sheets book, that still had some old character sheets in it (fuckin score) some VERY old vampire the masquerade stuff, including what I’m guessing is probably the first book that offered playing a hunter rather than a vampire? Also the sourcebook as of like 1992. More is the same than is different, though I guess that’s also cuz I barely know modern world of darkness

Sat around and read the hunter book for like. Basically a couple hours or something? Idk. Talked a little bit with some of the regulars, T and her boyfriend.

Eventually, left and went to the ice cream store across the street, ate Goat Cheese Ice Cream Oh Boy, and started writing this journal.

I wrote school’s motto on the chalkboard there, and later heard someone say “I… don’t know what that means. Should I know what that means?

Was surprised by the entrance of Silly. Goodness me I love her so much.

We then went home and like. Chilled.

She made alfredo/lentil pasta (so she doesn’t die from carbs) and fish. I, meanwhile, attempted to make raspberry cheesecake.

I got kinda stressed by the cheesecake process, cuz I was trying to multitask but still didn’t feel like I was going fast enough. I started doing that dumb anxiety over-done stuff thing that I do sometimes.

I then proceeded to open a very-fizzed dr pepper and just kinda. Break down a lil bit. I managed to keep it together until I had the cheesecake done, at least, I’m kinda proud of myself for that!

But yeah. Then I started crying or something, I don’t fully remember. I remember I accidentally made silly cry because I am an idiot, and also I was feeling bad because I felt helpless and pathetic, and typical consolation doesn’t really help with that. I’m sorry for that, darlin.

Anyway. She’s a really good fucking cook, like she’s better than my mom and dad both. Like not to be the kinda person who overpraises ther significant, but :eyes: !!! who knew that adding spices and not cooking from a box improved things??? @mom

I don’t really remember the rest of the night, nothing interesting I suppose. We probably played halo odst or something, and cuddled.

The cheesecake was… not to my taste, personally. Silly claims to kinda like it, but personally it fell into the “this isn’t really that good at all, why do I keep wantng to eat it”, probably my favorite part was the pre-baked crust.

Yeah! Stuf like that.

We got up the next morning. Busy day!!! The next 3 days, silly had em off and we were gonna make this day fuckin WORK for us

So we went to like. The nearby game store

There was a cat! And also I bought some magic card boosters. No news. Why the fuck was there a shitton of pathfinder corebooks on the Shelf O’ Unloved Games. Rude.

Had a fun conversation at a pet store

The game store near where silly worked had some things. She got halo 5, meaning she had The Complete Collection, not that it matters cuz everything after reach sucks. But anyway. She also got an application for there! So that’s really good, yay! Woo!

The nearby hobby shop was very neat, it had a shitton of gundam stuff, and like. Model trains! Wow! Apparently model rockets don’t fuckin come with the engine or anything.g that seems a little silly to me. Also they had some 3-d printing stations, but they’re apparently out for now. Idk whassup there.

Got some jingle bells at the nearby craft store, or whatever. Ran into a coworker of silly’s. she revealed that she almost named herself Katherine, and would’ve shortened it to Cat, meaning we fucking skated THIS close to me just absolutely refusing to talk to her in that alternate timeline.

Ate at dairy queen bc I had a gift card

THRIFT STORES

I made some very VERY nice discoveries. Oh HO, how delightful… some nice mugs, that I decided not to get on account of I was already transporting 3 of the things back home. But uhhh…. I got some cute skirts I think, basically just some bottoms, from the first store. Learned that my feet are not made for thrift store women’s heels. Sob.

Thrift shop two I found some very VERY nice things, including BASEBALL MOM SHIRT, and also a shirt for a basketball team for the immaculate conception high school, or some shit. I’m so excited to reveal that one. Also some things that were actually women’s tops, that might actually fit me or some shit (spoiler, they will not once I retry them on) (lol)

I uh… THINK after that we went home? And made tacos!!!!!! Holy shit silly makes such good fucking tacos oh my god. Like. I used to hate taco night at home, cuz that meant like. Dry hamburger meat with Taco Seasoning from HEB, in a hard taco shell.

But. I have discovered the truth of mixing a bit of salsa, corn, and beans into the meat, and getting it all moist, and also applying sour cream to the tacos. God they were so good holy fuck. Holy fuck. What a goddess.

We then proceeded to, I think, finish halo odst. What absolute heroines we are. I think we also watched all of otgw. I gushed about, like. The painfully o bvious metaphors and stuff that I knew about, and silly thought I was dumb I’m sure. But she did cry at the end, bc it’s very good and also because I was crying.

Stayed up later than silly did. Cried a little bit before I went to sleep because I. love her so much. Dear fuck I love her.

Ate breakfast the next morning. Returned from showering to find that silly was shooting me with a nerf gun. The fucker. We had a nerf gun fight and I’m PRETTY sure I got the better of her, because I’m very good and also extremely cool. :3 side note but she’s so amazing and I love her so much. NOT tearing up a little bit about how I am so extremely blessed to have met her. Jesus.

But uh. After that it was time to start packing, kind of. There was a not-small amount of crying. And divvying up of stuff, since I like. Did NOT have space for all of my things. Three piles: taking with me, hopefully to have mailed back to me (seriously, I need some of that stuff please. :C ), and Giving to silly because I love her and I love giving her things.

In that last group was: my first fountain pen (idk if that one or the one leye gave me was the first one I owned. But hey. Meh.) (I’m just gonna pronounce that as Ley-yey for the rest of my life. For anyone who’s not me, though, it’s like lye). She used it to write poetry on the piece of paper I used to demonstrate how to use it, and to get the ink going, and stuff. She then folded it up to look like a heart, because she’s the biggest dork on earth and also my favorite person ever to live. She did this while she was, in her words, “picking stuff out of the downstairs laundry baskets”, which is why I walked in on her doig this. The second time a ploy like this was foiled by my walking downstairs. What a loser. And yes I cried a LOT on reading that poetry, because, just… jesus. How could I not. my tentacle skirt. Please take care of it, it’s important! Hopefully I have found suitable replacements for it… probably some other stuff? I don’t fully remember… sorry….

She gave me the shirt for the now-defunct electric company owned by the Shithead dad of her childhood friend. Holy FUCK the perfect gift for me. Wow. I love artifacts!!! (we are both magpies lmao)

Never did find that pair of compression shorts she gave me last time I was down. I hope those turn up sometime, they were super handy.

Uh… so yeah. We packed up. Got most of my stuff sorted out, and figured out an outfit for the next day. I think here was where we watched otgw, actually. But yeah! Uh…

I don’t really remember much more, except hugging each other and crying. And remembering that soon I would be apart from her and feeling a deep, yawning sense of loss. And a longing to graduate so I can join her up north.

I tried to go to sleep with her, but I failed. I ended up closing my eyes for a little while, then stealing the 8.5x11 boarding pass I printed and gave to her (we each got one of the boarding passes, and one of the like. Ticket printed things? Of when I went up there. Even), and wrote her a letter on it with my/her fountain pen. I don’t remember much of what it said, beyond that I loved her in a way I never thought possible.

Went to the airport. Cried a little bit on the way there. Focused more on keeping intact for both of our sakes, since we were going on the Frightening route to the airport. I started to break down as I started getting close, thugh. Cried into her arms a little more as I got out of the car and left her behind for another few months. God,  Ihate it so much.

Writing these journals this far after the fact is bad both because I don’t remember as much, and also because I start missing her all over again. :C:C:C:C:C

But uh… yeah,  Ithink that’s it. Became emotionally dead as I went through the airport. Had to rush to make my first flight. Cuz… wanted to spend as much time as possible with my beautiful girlfriend before we had to go to the accursed birds’ nest. The TSA saw me as a girl. That was cool, but then they patted me down real fuckin thoroughly. Ate a biscuit after getting through. Basically slept through the rest of the thing.

Only started crying again once I got home.

Alright. We’re done here I think. I know I forgot a lot and that *hurts* me, but it’ll be alright. Honk.

These journals will likely get less detailed as time goes on. But as their number is yet small I think it’s okay.

[indigo474]

42122

Mads tried to pull some b/s by saying she would only talk to her counselor if she could stay home. She missed 3 days the week before because she was sick. I had to tell her no. Her excuse was she didn't want to miss class? makes no sense. SHe agreed to go to school and see her counselor.( zoom) She has been complaining about having anxiety. She is getting her period this week so yeah i get it.. she texted to say her counselor really helped her. the absolute best thing i have heard all week. she also texted, her dad hasn't reached out to her in a month. i mean,the last time he did he asked her to call him.. not sure why he just doesnt call her. Probably so he can blame not talking to her on her. as far as i know she hasn't heard from her sister either.. she still has her christmas gift. i will never understand. i have to stop trying and think of myself- why waste energy trying to figure that whole sickness.. boy, does it cut deep- for me and Mads. Mothers day will be another hard day.. hopefully we won't have a repeat of what happened last year. I'm starting to think some people just get away with being shitty human beings.

i've been up since 2am. my anxiety was hitting me hard at 2am. i am hormonal. guess what helps anxiety.. exercise and yet i can't seem to fucking do it. i lift weights at home- arms- squats but i should be doing more and it would make he feel a hell of alot better. so up at 2 am and laidin bed until 530- so i got up late. iam exhausted. i forgot to get gum on my way home from work and now i have gum anxiety.

i think they read my emails at work- not a huge deal because i didn't write anything bad- just not work related and i along with others was told to not do that

i got myself some tylenol pm and im actually afraid to take it- its been years since i took anything other than melatonin to sleep.

every storm eventually runs out of rain-

[thelonestriker]

11/22/2021

Reflections

On what I want in life

On how I could improve myself for the better

On how I could reach my target and full potential

Here are my random thoughts:

1. On physical abuse - Never did I know that pushing/shoving the love of your life is already considered physical abuse. My father, though he is the best father I could ever ask, had a history of physically hurting my mother. I promised myself that I would never emulate what he has done in the past. But recently, for the past few months, I've demonstrated several times that I have tendency to do those things too. I must ALWAYS remember that any form of physical harm, whether it's just pinching someone, preventing someone from moving - basically, using force to someone to overpower them in an aggressive manner - is ABUSE. So, I, at all costs, must strive not to repeat them over again. It can't be helped that in every relationship there would always be a misunderstanding or an argument. Mature men, who have no anger issues, would be ABLE TO TAKE A STEP BACK in case there's a trigger, or at least, BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND that shouting/ using physical force WOULD JUST MAKE THINGS WORSE.

2. On habits - Recently, I've read a review on the book Atomic Habits. It's gist is basically practicing good habits in small scale over a period of time. It is said that doing such would yield big results over one's life. So what habits do I choose? One is making the bed every morning, upon waking up, or after taking a bath. Another is waking up early and also, sleeping early. 9 to 9:30 pm should be the beginning of sleeping time. 5-530 am is waking time. Also, I'd like to practice not checking my phone the first thing in the morning. And also, packing the right things, clothes, and food a day prior to working days.

3. On finances - I've handled my finances poorly recently. There's no one to blame but me. I must learn how to budget my money IMMEDIATELY upon receiving them. I've forgotten how to invest money wisely. One for the future, remember?

4. On health - I've really neglected myself physically as I rarely exercise and don't eat the proper type of food. So what now, Karl? How do we fix your posture or alleviate your back pains? By playing mobile legends? Come on, grow up! Just a 1 minute plank per day would always do. Just one!

5. On career - Do I really want to become a doctor? Am I prepared to take that leap of faith? Am I enough? I lack the motivation to read, read and read. How do you begin to love something without making enough effort for it to love you back?

[foxseries65]

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Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed is commonly caused by incorrectly configured system settings or irregular entries in the Windows registry. This error can be fixed with special software that repairs the registry and tunes up system settings to restore stability If you have Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed then we strongly recommend that you Download (Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed) Repair Tool. This article contains information that shows you how to fix Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed both (manually) and (automatically) , In addition, this article will help you troubleshoot some common error messages related to Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed that you may receive.

Note: This article was updated on 2021-01-08 and previously published under WIKI_Q210794

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Meaning of Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed?

A mistake or inaccuracy, an error is caused about by committing miscalculations on the things that you do. It is a state of having a wrong judgement or conception in your conduct that allows catastrophic things to happen. In machines, error is a way to measure the difference between the observed value or the computed value of an event against its real value.

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Causes of Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed?

If you have received this error on your PC, it means that there was a malfunction in your system operation. Common reasons include incorrect or failed installation or uninstallation of software that may have left invalid entries in your Windows registry, consequences of a virus or malware attack, improper system shutdown due to a power failure or another factor, someone with little technical knowledge accidentally deleting a necessary system file or registry entry, as well as a number of other causes. The immediate cause of the 'Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed' error is a failure to correctly run one of its normal operations by a system or application component.

More info on Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed

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Please uninstallit before be very appreciated Hi, when I try to install Dolby home theater it says-_' There is another PCEE product installed already. Setup will now exit'any help will installing this product. 'PCEE needs to be installed' when trying to enable Dolby Home Theater

Do you latest driver. My desktop systems that I have all Dolby Home Theater within my Realtek driver. I have a Lenovo Laptop with RealTek audio audio support' whatever that is. Pro do not specifically state Dolby.

The specs for the ASRock P55 have RealTek audio but there is no Dolby. It does say ' Premium Blu-ray 'PCEE needs to be installed'. The only Dolby that I know of is a separate application, and not part of RealTek. and Dolby, but the Dolby is a separate application.

Can someone help me out? Downloaded the run the Dolby Home Theater msi. Went to the PCEE folder to have Dolby software? I saw a few posts about enabling e.g.

Then got the error message,

Dolby home theater v4 setup wizard ended premature...

A couple of days ago I decided to factory reset my Acer Aspire v3-772g laptop by using windows built in function in windows 10.

Dolby DIGItal HOME THEATER cannot be installed after upgrading to Windows 8.1

Then i went to C/Drivers/WIN/Audio/DolbyGUI/ audio, but I want my Home Theater back!!!! THe setup.exe doesnt start installation, plusHT(home theater) gives removed dolby. I message saying - cannot installed due to an error. However I can install dolby digital advanced to windows 8.1 I have problem with installing Dolby Digitial Theater Home app.

Thank you I have lenovo edge E531 with 8gb there is setup.exe, dolbydigitalplusAA.msi and dolbydigitalplusHT.msi. Can you please help ram, intel core i5-3230M 2.6GHz, GeForce 740M Hi there, today i was forced by microsoft to upgrade from windows 8 me resolve this matter.... I unistalled previous conexant drivers (windows 8) and installed new conexant (for windows8.1).

U310 with Windows 8: Dolby Home Theater error

Thanks someone help me! Press the star on the left to thank them with a Kudo!If you find identify the verified solution and benefit from it.Follow @LenovoForums on Twitter! Hey everyone! I have Ideapad U310 and a post helpful and it answers your question, please mark it as an 'Accepted Solution'! Please, can get you going http://forums.lenovo.com/t5/IdeaPad-Y-U-V-Z-and-P-series/Doly-Audio-driver-cannot-start-after-upgrad... Regards Solid Cruver Did someone help you today?

Hi lucia_k, Welcome to Lenovo Community Forums! This thread should a lot! This will help the rest of the Community with similar issues after updating windows 8.1 dolby doesnt work.

U310 with Windows 8: Dolby Home Theater error

Same solution? Any Go prob.

to Solution.

Dolby home theater error message on T430S

Hi everybody When my Thinkpad T430S starts of them worked for me. Any help please I looked everywhere for a solution but none it shows this error message (see attachment).

Lenovo One Key Theater Won't Install and Dolby Home Theater Doesn't Work Either

On Friday, my laptop wouldn't boot up, not Update came to my laptop and I upgraded last week Wednesday. error message saying that this application does not work for this version of Windows. I couldn't perform Start-up Repair, from Windows 8.1 to 10. Reference Theater application but it does not work.

Furthermore, I noticed the Dolby Home sure if this is related to the Creators update. Before, I had One Key Theater installed and it worked perfectly fine. I had upgraded my Y500 this:https://pcsupport.lenovo.com/us/en/solutions/HT104006 I've been trying to reinstall One Key Theater and I keep getting an

I didn't have the Dobly Home Theater app. The Windows 10 Creator's System Recovery nor a PC Refresh.

Dolby Home Theater V4 changed to Dolby Digital Plus after Realtek Audio Driver update Windows 8.1

Z510. After upgraded to Windows 8.1. Does this Dolby Digital Plus mentioned by you better than V4 to the latest version for my unit (ver. 6.0.1.7027). Since no issues are encountered I have not updated in some aspect aside from the ones that you already stated?

Hi,I'm now using Ideapad

(W520) Dolby Home Theater V4 changed to Dolby Digi...

to Solution. I really need the improved audio for my softphone ASAP. Thanks. Mod's Edit: System model added Go to Subject line to improve visibility / clarity Moved posting to the correct Thinkpad forum Solved! Hi Guys, I recently upgraded a W520 to

Windows 10 with the Dolby HT installed.

Dolby digital plus home theater audio driver mismatch error message

Pcee Dolby

Hi folks, I keep getting an error message saying the current audio driver is version 7.6.4.9 but my software expects driver version 7.5.1.1.

Dolby Home Theater/Dolby Digital Plus not working

Solved! to Solution. Go

Dolby Home Theater/Dolby Digital Plus not working

View solution in Solved! to Solution. Go original post

dolby advance v2 and dolby home theater v4 driver

View Solution.

Clean boot win8.1 dolby pcee error

How do to Solution. Go identify the verified solution and benefit from it.Follow @LenovoForums on Twitter!

Hi Jstephan007, Open Device Manager and uninstall the Sound Solved! This will help the rest of the Community with similar issues i fix it? Press the star on the left to thank them with a Kudo!If you find a post helpful and it answers your question, please mark it as an 'Accepted Solution'! adapter (Conexant) under Sound and game controllers.

U310 Touch Hinge broke screen, Inter Rapid State Technolody, Dolby Home Theater error

Office Depot and have had non-stop issues from the moment I purchased it. Hi Lenovo, I purchased Lenovo Ideapad U310 Touch model last June through

Dolby Home Theater V4

A great place where you can find solutions for your issues with help from I have looked into your issue about your HP Pavilion dv6 Notebook and issues with Dolby Home Theater V4 not working correctly. the community!I came across your post about the Notebook, and wanted to assist you!

Dolby Home Theater

This will help the rest of the Community with similar issues someone help you today? identify the verified solution and benefit from it.Follow @LenovoForums on Twitter! Press the star on the left to thank them with a Kudo!If you find a post helpful and it answers your question, please mark it as an 'Accepted Solution'! Let us know. Regards Soha Did

Dolby Home Theater V3 on Y460

I am using download applications and drivers from lenovo. Windows 7 Home Premium. Anyone can help? Thanks and Regards, try to

Why isn't Dolby Home Theater available for the T520

Its the worst audio in any notebook such even though the audio driver is the same for it. Why isn't the Theature package supported on the T520's and Theater won't install. PCEE needed it says.I tried it for the heck of it just to see since my sound it pretty bad quality for everything expect beeps and alerts.

The Dobly Moved post to its own thread and edited subject line to reflect content. That is alot of notebooks and dozens of brands as well. Mod edit: I've seen and owned and worked on.

Dolby Home Theater keeps turning off every few min...

I am currently using windows 8.1, everytime i play my game (CS:GO) Dolby Home Theater automatically turns off and everything becomes soft.

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(2) Dolby Home Theater v4 setup error - another PCEE product installed

Pcee Driver X64

(3) 'PCEE needs to be installed' when trying to enable Dolby Home Theater

(4) Dolby home theater v4 setup wizard ended premature...

(5) Dolby DIGItal HOME THEATER cannot be installed after upgrading to Windows 8.1

Pcee Needs To Be Installed Dolby Windows 10 Software

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[dailyaudiobible]

08/16/2018 DAB Transcript

Nehemiah 11:1-12:26 , 1 Corinthians 10:14-11:2 , Psalms 34:11-22 , Proverbs 21:14-16

Today is the 16th day of August, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it's a pleasure and an honor as it is every day to be in your presence to reach out through all of these miles of wires and land in your earbuds or however, in whatever speaker you're using. It’s great to be here with you today, wherever you might be. It’s lovely here in the rolling hills of Tennessee. We’re in the steamy thick of the summer time but it's, hot as it might be, very beautiful, lovely, fertile time here in the rolling hills. And I hope it's lovely wherever you might be. So, we’re reading from the Good News Translation this week and we’ll pick up where we left off yesterday in the book of Nehemiah, chapter 11 verse 1 through 12 verse 26 today.

Commentary:

Okay. In Paul's first letter to the Corinthians [blablablablablabla]. In First Corinthians today, Paul answered a question about passively participating in what would otherwise be sinful activity. And the specific issue was whether a person could eat meat sacrificed to a false idol. So, in Corinth Greek and Roman gods were worshiped and the meat from those sacrifices found their way into the meat market, making it virtually impossible for a believer to know whether they were eating sacrificed meat and thereby passively participating in idolatry. Paul was making it clear today that the meat wasn't the issue and they could eat in good conscience, but actively attempting to put one foot in the body of Christ and another in idol worship was something that was not gonna to work. In other words, the meat wasn't the issue, the posture of heart was the issue. But this raised other questions, what if a friend or associate who worshiped another God invited a believer to share a meal, that meal could have been sacrificed to an idol and the household to be eating it in the idols honor. Wouldn’t that be participating in idolatry? And Paul said, someone who isn’t a believer asks you home for dinner, than accept the invitation if you want to and eat whatever’s offered to you without raising questions, right? But if someone tells you this meat was offered to an idol, well, then don't eat it because someone told you that. Like, if your host said, oh, hey I know you worship Jesus, but this particular hamburger was sacrificed to Molech. If someone’s telling you that, whether your host or another guest, they’re telling you that for reason because they know what you believe. So, if it's brought up then, of course, abstain. So, I mean, today we rarely, if ever, consider whether our food supply been part of a cultic ritual, but the underlying principle applies in all kinds of ways. We must be vigilantly aware of the effect of our lives on others and treat them with respect and honor, especially if they are giving respect and honor to our convictions. So, Paul summarized it and, I mean, and the way that he summarized this, it touches everything. So here's how Paul said to handle these kinds of situations. Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God, which leaves us one simple question that can always be asked before every decision we make. Can I do this for the glory of God? If the answer is no, then don't do it. If the answer is yes, then you're free to do it. I mean, if we would just keep that one thing before us. Can I do this for the glory of God? If we would keep that before us in all of our dealings imagine the clarity we would have in our lives for navigating this world.

Prayer:

Father, every day we invite you into what we've read. We ask you to apply it to our lives and plant it deep within our hearts and we’re asking that again, that we might remember that as we’re navigating through this day, as were interacting with people and making choices and decisions, that we will simply consider, take the moment to consult you. Can I do this to honor God? We pray for direction and clarity all of the time about our next steps when you've given us the tools to discern these things. And we were given such counsel today. Can I do this for the glory of God. Come Holy Spirit into that question today. We ask in Jesus name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, it’s where you find what's going on around here. So, be sure to check it out.

Check out the Prayer Wall. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Visit the Daily Audio Bible shop for resources that are available for the journey through the Bible.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible in the mission that we share in common, to bring God's spoken word read fresh every day to anyone who will listen to it, anywhere on this planet, any time of day or night and to build community around that rhythm so that we know we’re not alone, that we’re all coming around this global campfire and allowing God's word to speak to us. If that brings life to you then thank you for your partnership. There's a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey Daily Audio Bible family. It’s Monica in Kentucky and I just wanted to share with you some gratitude. I am just really grateful to the people who call in in the good times and in the bad times who want to call in and give encouragement but also to call in and just plead for help. And just a few that come to mind, Pastor Gene, we’re are all praying for you for job interviews then you call in and you encourage everybody and you just give us a good word about the Lord. And Miguel in Santa Rosa, and Lee, and Mark Street, and so many others that just call in when they’re hurting and struggling but also give a good word of encouragement and just praise and glorification of our Lord and Father. So, just keep it up people. Blind Tony, you’re another one. You cut to the quick but then you also just talk about how good and great everything is and how good and great our God is through your poetry. And I’m just so moved so often. Terry the Trucker, you’re another one. You confess your sin, you tell us how you’re struggling, but then you call in and tell us how good God is and how encouraged you are when people shout you out and tell you that there praying for you. There’s so many others on the line and I just want to thank everybody who just keep it real. Jay from Tennessee. You’re another one. I could go on and on and I just want to thank everybody because day and and day out it’s nothing but good encouragement and truth that shows up here through the family. So, he blessed and have a great week. Bye.

It’s August the 12th, 2018. It’s about 7:19 PM here in California. Greetings from California by beloved friends of God. This is Angel and I am giving my Father praise and thanks for allowing me to report to you that my brain surgery was a success. It confounded all the doctors and they said the surgery went amazingly well. I had two aneurysms embedded in my brain and they were quite large in size. And one of them was about to burst. Friday, August the 10th, 2018 I was scheduled for surgery and they went inside and found a __ aneurysm. So they placed __ . The surgery was to take six hours and I was out of the hospital the following day. Unbelievable! This was Saturday, August 11th, 2018. Laurie from North Carolina, Becky from Tampa, and all the other friends, thank you for your compassion. Thank you Brian and Jill for making this podcast available and blessing me. I am praying for all requests coming in. __ . God is still on the throne. And prayer changes __ . Angel from California.

Hi. My name’s Adam. This is my first time calling although I’ve been listening for a few years now. I’m calling today, it’s 530 in the morning on August 13th and we are about to head to the hospital for my second daughter to be born. I’m just calling today to ask for prayer for health for both her and my wife but also for prayer for my daughter’s well-being in growing up in the church and in Christ and for my wife and I to be good role models of that. So, thank you for hearing me and thank you for being such a great community and family. Bye.

Hey DAB family it’s Nobody Gets Left Behind in Colorado. I just want to say hi to everybody and just let you all know that today is my husband and my 13th anniversary. Today, on this day 13 years ago, on the 13th we got married and I’m just so grateful to God for everything he’s done with our marriage. And we’ve come a long way only by the grace of God and give God all the glory and honor for our marriage. It’s funny because I woke up this morning, I get up at 5 o’clock to make his lunch. And I got up this morning and I noticed as he stuck all of the pizza boxes and stuff in the trash and it filled up the trashcan. And my mind automatically started to complain and wonder why he did that. And I felt immediately God stop that and I heard His voice and I just heard Him say, why don’t you just wake up and be grateful every day for everything. Just wake up with that in your mind instead of complaining. Funny thing is is that our proverb today was about the nagging wife. So, I thought that was pretty interesting but I am just so grateful to God for stopping me in that moment and, you know, and at the same time He reminded me it was our anniversary and had I continued to think like that way…I would’ve…my husband would’ve got out of bed and our anniversary would’ve been blown from, you know, bad thoughts. I just wanted to encourage everybody. I love you all. I’m praying for you Ashton family, everybody. I love you guys. Have a good week.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Mental Health/Dysphoria

Lee says:

We don’t answer questions about suicidality on the blog, but we do encourage you to reach out for help- our Suicide Hotlines and Mental Health Services post is a good place to look if you are in crisis.

Coping with dysphoria:

Our Dysphoria Tips Masterpost

Dysphoria when you have to sleep

Dysphoria when you have to go swimming

Dysphoria that prevents you from leaving the house/doing activities of daily living

Disablity-friendly dysphoria tips

A coping tip

Body neutrality

Dysphoria while at camp

Motivating yourself to socialize

Calming down when you can’t correct people who deadname you

Overcoming invalidation

Staying clean when you have dysphoria about showering

Shower dysphoria

WikiHow to cope with gender dysphoria

9 strategies for dealing with body dysphoria

How do I deal with dysphoria?

20 Small Things To Do When Gender Dysphoria Gets You Down

25 Things I Do To Make My Body Dysphoria Feel Smaller and Quieter

More on coping with dysphoria

Dealing with dysphoria

A post with suggestions for coping with dysphoria

Transfeminine-Specific:

Transfeminine Dysphoria Tips

More dysphoria tips

Hip dysphoria

Transfeminine Period Dyphoria

In-the-closet transfeminine dysphoria tips

More in-the-closet transfeminine dysphoria tips

Transfeminine resource page

NSFW-ish tips

Songs

Virtual makeover

Dysphoria about not being able to birth a child

Transfeminine Resources

Transmasculine-Specific:

Transmasculine dysphoria

Dysphoria when you have to wear a dress

Dysphoria and periods

Masturbation with dysphoria

Transmasculine Resources

Nonbinary-Specific:

Fluctuating Dysphoria or Genderfluidity

Androgyny + dysphoria tips

What am I: Figuring out your identity

Non-Crisis Mental Health Resources:

Belly breathing

Awareness of unhealthy thinking styles

Distress tolerance skills

Distress tolerance activities

Panic list for distress tolerance

Improving distress

How to make a comfort box

Emotion regulation skills

Emotion regulation worksheet

Soothing grounding exercise

Physical grounding exercise

Mental grounding exercise

Grounding techniques

Problem goal framework

Mindfulness of your current emotion

Letting Go of Painful Emotions

Vicious cycle and alternatives

What will help?

Positive self-talk

Behavioral Activation

STOPP worksheet

Triggers

Coping with dissociation

Handling dissociation

10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation

An interactive self-care guide

7 cups of tea - an online chatting service. It’s not really meant for crisis situations, but it can used to talk about a host of issues with other individuals. It appears to be mostly geared toward mental health support and discussion.

www.dbsalliance.org - a nationally recognized organization that offers support and resources for those dealing with bipolar disorder(s) and depression.

@mentalillnessmouse (tumblr blog)

@trans-folx-fighting-eds (tumblr blog)

Download therapy worksheets / And more of them / And even more / Also some more

The Trevor Project’s Glossary of Resources

Talking to others:

Telling your parents you struggle with mental illness

How to tell someone you’re suicidal

Coming out as transgender (Includes links on how to come out to different people, like parents, friends, teachers, etc)

Self-Harm:

Self-Injury Recovery

Reducing self-harm

Self-harm coping tips and distractions

How to Recovery from Self-Injury

Steps to self-harm recovery

Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques

Safety Plan

Self-Injury Support: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288) (www.selfinjury.com)

Helpful Links

What to expect with hospitalization

This article for trans women of color who are feeling suicidal

Counseling and prevention resources

Helpful Organizations

Online Suicide Prevention Help

America:

Trans Lifeline - US.: (877-565-8860)

The Trevor Project’s “Trevor Lifeline” - (866-488-7386); they also have a texting and online chatting service.

CrisisChat - www.crisischat.org (an online chatting service)

Crisis Text Line -  www.crisistextline.org (texting service)

Longislandcrisiscenter.org - (516-679-1111); they also offer online chatting services.

GLBT Youth Support Line 800-850-8078

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Self Harm: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Pregnancy Hotline 1-800-4-OPTIONS (1-800-467-8466)

National Association for Children of Alcoholics 1-888-55-4COAS (1-888-554-2627)

National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)

National Drug Abuse Hotline 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357)

National Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention 1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PT)

Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET

Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000

Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS

Nami Helpline: 1-800-950-6264

USA Suicide Hotlines By State

Alabama Suicide Hotlines

Alaska Suicide Hotlines

Arizona Suicide Hotlines

Arkansas Suicide Hotlines

California Suicide Hotlines

Colorado Suicide Hotlines

Connecticut Suicide Hotlines

Delaware Suicide Hotlines

Florida Suicide Hotlines

Georgia Suicide Hotlines

Hawaii Suicide Hotlines

Idaho Suicide Hotlines

Illinois Suicide Hotlines

Indiana Suicide Hotlines

Iowa Suicide Hotlines

Kansas Suicide Hotlines

Kentucky Suicide Hotlines

Louisiana Suicide Hotlines

Maine Suicide Hotlines

Maryland Suicide Hotlines

Massachusetts Suicide Hotlines

Michigan Suicide Hotlines

Minnesota Suicide Hotlines

Mississippi Suicide Hotlines

Missouri Suicide Hotlines

Montana Suicide Hotlines

Nebraska Suicide Hotlines

Nevada Suicide Hotlines

New Hampshire Suicide Hotlines

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North Dakota Suicide Hotlines

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Pennsylvania Suicide Hotlines

Rhode Island Suicide Hotlines

South Carolina Suicide Hotlines

South Dakota Suicide Hotlines

Tennessee Suicide Hotlines

Texas Suicide Hotlines

Utah Suicide Hotlines

Vermont Suicide Hotlines

Virginia Suicide Hotlines

Washington Suicide Hotlines

Washington D.C. Suicide Hotlines

West Virginia Suicide Hotlines

Wisconsin Suicide Hotlines

Wyoming Suicide Hotlines

Canada

PFLAG Canada - ( 1-888-530-6777 ext. 226);  resources and education on issues of sexual orientation and gender identity. E-mail: gender@pflagcanada.ca

Trans Lifeline - (877-330-6366); http://www.translifeline.org/

24/7 Crisis Line: (Canada only) 905-522-1477

Kids Help Phone Canada: 1800-688-6868

Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 (All of Canada, age <20)

Helpline 1: 604-872-3311 (Greater Vancouver)

Helpline 2: 18666613311 (Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast)

Helpline 3: 1-866-872-0113 (TTY)

Helpline 4: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) (BC-wide)

Website: WWW.CRISISCENTRE.BC.CA

Mental Health Crisis Line 1-866-996-0991 (Ottawa and Eastern Ontario)

Mental Help Health Line 1-866-531-2600 (Ontario)

United Kingdom

Switchboard: The LGBT+ Helpline - (0300-330-0630) available from 10am-10pm daily; also offers online chatting services. E-mail: chris@switchboard.lgbt

MindLine Trans+ The UK now has a national trans helpline run by mental health charity Mind staffed by trans/non-binary volunteers (open from Wednesday to Sunday from 8pm to midnight)

Samaritans - (116-123); seems like they are LGBTQ friendly and offer online chatting services. “We positively welcome enquiries from all sections of the community, including Black and Minority Ethnic groups, people with disabilities and members of the LGBT community.”  E-mail: jo@samaritans.org

Supportline- (01708 765200)

Childline- (0800 1111) Up to the age of 18

Mind- (0300 123 3393) for 18 years old and up

The Mix- (0808 808 4994)

LGBT Helpline Scotland: (0300 123 2523) Open every Tuesday and Wednesday from 12pm to 9pm

Breathing Space- (0800 83 85 87) 24 hours at weekends, 6pm Friday to 6am Monday, 6pm-2am on weekdays Monday to Thursday

Gay and Lesbian Youth Northern Ireland- (02890 89 02 02)

LGBT Cymru Helpline- (0800 840 2069) Open Monday and Wednesday 7pm to 9pm

The Beaumont Society- (01582 412220)

Gender Trust- (01527 894838)

Gires- (01372 801554)

Mermaids- (0844 334 0550)

Beat - ED hotline: Helpline 0345 634 1414 Youthline 0345 634 7650 (UK only)

National AIDS Helpline: (UK Only) 0800 567 123

Lothian Gay & Lesbian Switchboard – Scotland: (Scotland Only) 0131 556 4049

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: (UK only) 0844-561-6855

Women’s Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline: (UK Only) 0345 023 468

Sexual Abuse Centre: (UK Only) 0117 935 1707

Child Helpline: (UK Only) 0800-111

Youth to Youth: (UK only) 020-8896-3675

Childline: 0800 1111

Abuse Not: 0808 8005015

Brook Young People’s Information Service: 0800 0185023

Eating Disorder Support: 01494 793223

Anxiety UK: 0844 477 5774

Depression Alliance: 0845 123 23 20

Rape Crisis Centre: 01708 765200

Rape/sexual assault: 0808 8000 123 (female) or 0808 8000122 (male)

Miscarriage Association: 01924 200799

LLGS Helpline (LGBT): 0300 330 0630

Sexuality support: 01708 765200

Bereavement: 0800 9177 416

Runaway/homeless: 0808 800 70 70

CareConfidential Pregnancy/post abortion: 0800 028 2228

Women’s Aid National

Domestic Violence Helpline 0345 023 468

National AIDS Helpline: 0800 567 123

Australia

Q Life - (1800-184-527); also offers online chatting services from 5:30-10:30 pm daily.

beyondblue - (1300-22-4636); LGBTQI friendly and also offers online chatting services.

Kids Helpline- (1800-55-1800) for people between the ages of 5 and 25.

OII Australia (Organisation Intersex International Australia Limited) - “OII Australia is an independent support, education and policy development organisation, by and for people with intersex variations or traits. Our work focuses on human rights, bodily autonomy and self-determination, and on evidence-based,patient-directed healthcare.”

http://au.reachout.com/ - may help with finding region-specific resources

Parent Help Line (Australia only): 1300-364-100

Lifeline Australia: 13-11-14 https://www.lifeline.org.au

the black dog institute ( https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/education-training )

headspace ( https://www.headspace.org.au )

Relationships Australia: 1300-364-277 (domestic abuse)

Kids Helpline: (Australia) 1800-55-1800

Mensline Australia: 1300-789-978

Helpline 1: 13 11 14

Website: www.lifeline.org.au

NSW1800 636 825

SA131465

QLD1300 363 622

WA1800 676 822

NT1800 019 116

TAS1800 332 388

ACT1800 629 354

VIC1300 280 354

Salvos Careline 1300 36 36 22 (National)

Lifeline 13 11 14

Depression:

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) – Can use in US, U.K., Canada and Singapore

Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999

National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)

National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000

Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS

NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632

Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET

Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357

Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999

Teléfono de la Esperanza (Spain only) 902 500 002 / 91 459 00 50

Domestic Abuse:

National Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-422-4453

National Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD): 1-800-787-32324

Center for the Prevention of School Violence: 1-800-299-6504

Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-548-2722

Healing Woman Foundation (Abuse): 1-800-477-4111

Child Abuse Hotline Support & Information: 1-800-792-5200

Sexual Assault Support (24/7, English & Spanish): 1-800-223-5001

Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish: 1-800-992-2600

Alcohol & Drug Abuse:

National Association for Children of Alcoholics: 1-888-55-4COAS (1-888-554-2627)

National Drug Abuse: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Al-Anon/Alateen Hope & Help for young people who are the relatives & friends of a problem drinker): 1-800-344-2666

Alcohol/Drug Abuse Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Be Sober Hotline: 1-800-BE-SOBER (1-800-237-6237)

Cocaine Help Line: 1-800-COCAINE (1-800-262-2463)

24 Hour Cocaine Support Line: 1-800-992-9239

Ecstasy Addiction: 1-800-468-6933

Marijuana Anonymous: 1-800-766-6779

Youth & Teen Hotlines:

National Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663

Youth America Hotline: 1-877-YOUTHLINE (1-877-968-8454)

Covenant House Nine-Line (Teens): 1-800-999-9999

Boys Town National: 1-800-448-3000

Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900

TeenLine: 1-800-522-8336

Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663 or 1-800-422-0009

Runaway Support (All Calls are Confidential): 800-231-694

National Runaway Hotline: (US only) 1800-231-6946

National Youth Crisis Hotline:(US only) 800-442-442-4673

Pregnancy Hotlines:

Pregnancy Support: 1-800-4-OPTIONS (1-800-467-8466)

Pregnancy National Helpline: 1-800-356-5761

Young Pregnant Support: 1-800 550-4900

Parental Stress Hotline: 1-800-632-8188

Other:

Self-Injury Support: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288) (www.selfinjury.com)

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention: 1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PST)

Eating Disorders Center: 1-888-236-1188

Help Finding a Therapist: 1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7274)

Panic Disorder Information and Support: 1-800-64-PANIC (1-800-647-2642)

TalkZone (Peer Counselors): 1-800-475-TALK (1-800-475-2855)

Gay & Lesbian National Support: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

(Credit to @mentalillnessmouse for the hotlines by topic!)

International Hotlines

International helplines

International rape crisis hotlines

Hotlines by country

https://www.imalive.org/ (it isn’t open 24/7 but should work in every country)

Argentina Suicide Hotlines

Armenia Suicide Hotlines

Australia Suicide Hotlines

Austria Suicide Hotlines

Barbados Suicide Hotlines

Belgium Suicide Hotlines

Botswana Suicide Hotlines

Brazil Suicide Hotlines

Canada Suicide Hotlines

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France Suicide Hotlines

Germany Suicide Hotlines

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Hong Kong Suicide Hotlines

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Israel Suicide Hotlines

Italy Suicide Hotlines

Japan Suicide Hotlines

Liberia Suicide Hotlines

Lithuania Suicide Hotlines

Malaysia Suicide Hotlines

Malta Suicide Hotlines

Mauritius Suicide Hotlines

Namibia Suicide Hotlines

Netherlands Suicide Hotlines

New Zealand Suicide Hotlines

Norway Suicide Hotlines

Papua New Guinea Suicide Hotlines

Philippines Suicide Hotlines

Poland Suicide Hotlines

Portugal Suicide Hotlines

Russian Federation Suicide Hotlines

Somoa Suicide Hotlines

Serbia Suicide Hotlines

Singapore Suicide Hotlines

South Africa Suicide Hotlines

South Korea Suicide Hotlines

Spain Suicide Hotlines

Sri Lanka Suicide Hotlines

St. Vincent Suicide Hotlines

Sudan Suicide Hotlines

Sweden Suicide Hotlines

Switzerland Suicide Hotlines

Taiwan Suicide Hotlines

Thailand Suicide Hotlines

Tobago Suicide Hotlines

Tonga Suicide Hotlines

Trinidad and Tobago Suicide Hotlines

Turkey Suicide Hotlines

Ukraine Suicide Hotlines

United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines

Zimbabwe Suicide Hotlines

[andyelson]

of all

Of All

Characters: Leati/Addison/wwe wrestlers..

** Warnings**

: Smut, XxX etc

:Authors Note::

This is my first story in YEARS upon YEARS. but with the help or the motivation, of Raven and countless others but i'd be writing everyone, forever but i read a few of hers and said, to myself

_ GET TO WRITING YOU FOOL!_

So here we go!

Addison just started, her new career finally starting fresh she always remembered Leati but it's been forever since she seen him does he remember her? does he even know she's back, her now job now is to cater to hospitals all over the tampa/ penscola area. treating sport injuries on the side.

5am wake up call:

_ SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA_

briefly went off, her alarm when she knew leati was starting his profession in the world wrestling entertainment she couldn't help but fear for him the last time they spoke he was at georgia tech playing football and the wrestling world was where he wanted to be They last spoke on christmas before he left for his big break in football

** Forward to 3 years later**

Addison got up and thought to herself "

_ Today is going to be the day i take that ring tone off!!_

she found the carol of the bells play list and clicked through the 250 songs of christmas music but couldn't find something, so she left it on jingle bells. She then proceeded to start the shower, only to hear the same ring tone that she got woken up to, she answered," Hello this is nurse Addison Jess how can i help you what hospital are you located at". the man on the receivng end couldn't help but laugh his dark, low chuckle.. Addison yes i'm at the Leati Emergency Room.. they're treating me fare but you could help.. he said before she cut him off with "Leati"? as in the " i want to be a professional wrestler, cut off the girl and never talk to her again Leati"? she could hear the sigh in his voice, He then sighed and came back with a

_ "I'll let you go. sorry i bothered you. i'll get in contact with the doctor here_

Addison cut him off, and said

wait No. No you'll wait forever with them. i'm on call i just, didn't expect to hear from you. i didn't know if you had my number. I can come see you at your hotel. And we can go from there. Can i meet you in the lobby Leati at 6?

Leati smiled as big as a child at christmas, and said

_ Addy, it's almost christmas. Are you sure? Your probably really busy? but if you insist doc, 6:00 sure. I'll see you then_

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/8d/09/9a/8d099a20e6537a5d4a54f69b31483cab.jpg

She finished her day at clincials and decided to check the weather, Naomi her friend at the hospital in Tampa kept looking over at Addison all day wondering why she was so excited and why she had to be out by 4:00.

_ Addy girl, you know it's almost christmas we're not going to get out of here until at leat 530, maybe even later girl your crazy to be thinking your going to get out of here at 4_

Addy just smiled and sipped her coffee,

_ I just don't know how else to tell you this Naomi.... _

Naomi laughed and turned her chair around to Addy,

_ Girll, you better spill or that coffee is going to be spilt and i know you and your cofee not to mess with you until ast least 4 cups!_

Addison, sighed and said

_ "Girl you remember Leati right? Leati Anaoi naomi asked? Addy nervously smiled and said "Mhmm. thats the one". Naomi laughed and said "girl, jon and him go way back i'd be stupid, to not know who that guy is,why though what's going on". Addison began Well, he called me and i was short with him, and now i don't know what to say to him because i'm not even interested but i answered my phone, because he called and you know when a patient calls i'm ** #1** it just kicks inside me, and i become this new person._ Naomi smiled and said _ Simple girl. Call him back and diagnose him as your date._ Addy smacked Naomi, and laughed as the two got back to work. Addy became nervous all day and didn't even know if she could pick her phone up to even dial his number she had his number and was nervous to even help him. nervous that he'd still be the same, Nervous that he looked the same, smelt the same. Nervous over a guy thats becoming a wrestler. Maybe he's made it to the big time and just has an injury and she would treat him and never hear from him again. She wasn't ready to let him go.

3:30 pm

_ Hello this is Addison Jess. how can i help you. what hospital or facility do you need_ she sounded so professional so intimidating, So sexy, Addison didn't get any response? she took the phone off from her ear, connection was strong. She decided to try again. _ Hello this is addison Jess. do you need emergency medical attention_ He finally spoke _ I don't know if its emergency, but i need attention, Addison it's me Leati. I have a left leg injury happened 2 1/2 weeks ago at a house show. I didn't get any medical treatment because Doc Anderson, wasnt around so i just haven't seen anyone. I'd like to see you so you can see it better, I'm no medical tech talker here. When can we set a time up._ She was happy he stopped talking, not like his voice was soothing and it sent shivers up her spine and in her most sensitive spots, because that was not even the case ( trying to be professional and not wanting to ask him where he was staying because she was going to make him feel better in ways no doctor could) She replied with a Yes leati, i can come meet you in say about an hour or two i have a few more patients and a couple write ups to write would 5:30 be okay? You could tell by his response, he was grinning ear to ear and finally spoke _ Yes. 5:30 sounds great Doc. I am at WillowSpring suites Room 1616.. My leg already feels better, maybe some dinner might be in an order and i'll be back in no time._ Addison laughed and said _ leati, i'll see you soon try not to move much and i'll see you around 5:30_ They both hung up Addison smiled all thorugh out the later parts of her shift, Naomi stopped by the station, as Addison was finishing up her last note. _ So me and jon are trying out this new cafe after he gets done at the gym he was wondering if you wanted to tag along, i also wanted to go to the new christmas store 2 blocks over and jon doesn't like shopping did ya wanna go?_ Addy looked up, and said _ I'm going to have to have a rain check.. i'm going to make a "Hotel, run safety protocal, on someone, new athlete in town thinks he broke his leg or hip. _ Naomi smiled and knew what her plan was but went along with it, _ Plus girl i gotta change. i smell like children, and germs from god knows what!_ they both laughed and started to shut their site down and walk out for the evening before leaving they hugged and naomi said for her to call her

** Getting in her white Jeep. Addison, ouldn't wait to see Leati. wondering what he'd look like wondering, what he smelt like wondering if he wanted the same things she wanted. She wanted him She wanted to help him she didn't know, why she wanted him she just knew she was ready to see him.**

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ad/d1/c7/add1c7914f79e1d7fe7726cb2b05ba1d.jpg

She pulled in to the hotel, and was taken back by the hotel and it's beauty she thought to herself well he is in the business backed by the McMahons so they wouldn't put their talent in a shank but by god this is top of the top. She wore her dark purple scrubs and her columbia jacket her hair was just freshened colored a blonde with dark underneath and her nails we're painted a cherry red color to match her toes. She looked at herself in her mirror about 50 times thinking to herself _ I' look fine. i'm a nurse. I'm not here to be his escort and sleep with him. But what if i am?_ She was hoping his injury wasn't serious, as she walked in the lobby she was seriously taken back by how spacious and beautiful it was. She asked the recepitionsit if there was a elevator near by the lady working the desk, replied with _ Yes Mam'm down the hall, on the right._ Addison thanked her and walked down the long corridor and pushed the elevator door.

She couldn't believe how beautiful this hotel was. She was so taken back by the rooms and how the structure was so breathtaking she couldn't wait to get back to Naomi and tell her about this one. She came to his room and her breath was gone she had nervous hands and she didn't know if she could even do this she looked at the room number 1616 she was hoping he wasn't in there and that it was a complete set up. she knocked and a soft voice

_ Come in please_

She smiled before walking in, knowing how polite he was was a shock. She shut the door behind her, and walked closer to him he was beautiful seriously so beautiful for the first time, her lower regions ached and she wanted to smack herself,for being this gullable she was a nurse she did this daily at the hospital She began her exam of simple questions. that she knew like the back of her hand but protocol. she had to ask.

_ "So mr. Anoai, i'm going to need you to just ask the simple questions, i do appologize for them, its just protocol". _

he laughed and said

_ Whatever you want doc. but please, before we start, can you call me Leati._

Addison smiled and wrote a heart and leati. like a 5 year old child. She said sure Leati, So now i start, she swallowed what seemed to be everything she needed to say. as she began, How much do you weigh: Leati said on average about 255 pounds. she smiled and wrote that on her piece of paper, and your allergies. he replied with lemon pepper and lemon oil. she then wrote that, and began to lick her lips praying he didn't see, what she was doing but he did (Busted) She thought She started but she stopped,

_ I can't ask this question Leati, but i have to and just know I am in no, way interested but, as she stopped mid sentance, she w went with the burning response, Whens the last time you had sex_ He shot his brown/blue eyes up at her, and said _ 2 1/2 years_ Happiness came rushing over her, she had to make sure she kept her happiness about that to herself and calmy restored back and wrote what he said. She then asked what kind of diet he was on and other questions. it was nearly 8:30. and she was starving, She glanced around the room and noticed a suitcase and leati was only wearing a tight fitted Black shirt with black basketball shorts. his hair was tied back in a low bun, she asked him where a good local bistro place was, he stopped her and said are you amplying we go grab dinner nurse? he smiled big by this time, and said _ I don't think the nurse is supposed to take the patient out for dinner_ Addison replied with "i'm breaking #231 rule of, conduct. Lets go for dinner it's part of the ritual. i need to uh see if you can eat. Leati laughed and said _ Ohhh i can eat_ Addison smiled and said lets see..

They walked down to a nearby cafe called LinPas Leati seemed to know where to go. They both grabbed a booth and looked at the menu's Leati ordered a medium Hazelnut coffee and Addison had the same but large, and both shared 2 large egg and cheese danish's with donuts. Addison felt like this was a date, she asked him about his family and he began with a _ My family is in the professional wrestling business My father, My late brother and I are in it, I'm in a bloodline of wrestling. I know when i last saw you I was in georgia tech playing football but that was forever ago. I feel like i don't even remember you from that. We have changed so much. My brother i think you remember him, more than you remember me. Yeah Matt passed hard time for me, my mom dad they took it the worse. Losing my brother the way we did made me think of coming back to georgia tech to teach, being in this business scared me of losing myself like we did Matt. _ Addison smiled and rubbed his hand as he began to tear up, she felt this overwhelming care for him. They began talking about what he's been up to in the business, _ "You know the positive stuff, been working for him. Been doing it for him, you know he would of wanted this more than anything, Been with the shield, for about 2 years Colby and Jon they're great theyre brothers to me especially since matt's been gone I feel that Matt sent them to me"_ ( THANKS BRO!) as he began to laugh Addison laughed leati said, enough about me. what about you. Addison smiled and said well i went to nursing school and began this crazy ride with Naomi. and shes been my partner in crime for years, I of course remember matt and when i heard the news it broke my heart I did send flowers to your parents and they thanked me for them. Leati smiled, and said yeah they mentioned you. i i I just couldn't bring myself to see you. but here we are. "Should we get back to the hotel? So you can finish your exam Doc?" Joe said Addison laughed and said we should, _ I wouldn't want you to miss the best part of the exam._ Leati laughed, and said _ WHAT? the shot? Yeah i'm pumped about that Doc._ Leati payed for the meal, and they both walked back to the hotel. Hand in Hand, Leati felt warm inside and really hoped this wasn't going to be the end. Just then, Addy's phone rang. I have to take this, we can continue walking, though we're almost there, _ hello this is " Addison Jess how can i help you. Oh hey! yeah, oh yeah still up for that one. Of course I can yeah i'll see you soon. Thanks for calling."_ Addy looked up and smiled, sorry friend of mine we haven't seen each other in a long time good to hear from old friends you know. Leati smiled as he held the door open for her, into the hotel. Leati stopped her, in the lobby, and took her hand in his, _ Look Addy you don't have to be my doctor if he...._ Addy looked at him confused? _He? Leati. it wasn't a "HE". it was a SHE. it was Naomi. she wondered if we had fell into a bliss, you know how she is you know how girls are. they're like trained gossip writers for STAR! and Entertainment weekley I want to be your doctor Leati. Lets go on upstairs where it's more quiet.

** ** ** 10:30 pm. the exam was over, and Joe was pretty tired. Addison diagnosed him with a Incarcerated hernia, His first concern was having sex. he blantly asked her, " Can i still engage in sex_ she sighed and said, I'll let this slide, Your not that bad YET but thats my diagnosis I need you to go see, my actual doctor that i work with so he can better run tests, and make sure But if your finding someone to get the last one in, i'm sure you will be fine. He smiled and she noticed him looking at her in a way.** 

He was anxious to even try the thing that he's longed for the most. They got back to his room, and she sat on the couch as he walked into the spacious kitchen as he ran his hands over his face he was so nervous not wanting to mess anything up. Leati heard clinkings of keys he thought she left he walked in the room, with 2 glasses of wine and felt relieved she was still there. she smiled up at him, and noticed the white wine she smiled and took her glass he sat next to her, and asked who she was talking too she smiled and said naomi you know she worries I just said i was staying late and i'd talk to her tomorrow i hope it will make her back off shes so protective but she has her rights. Leati smiled and took her glass from her and sat the glass down on the table, he smiled and went in for the kiss, addison he breathed into her mouth, You taste so good all she could do was moan back into his mouth of appreciation, he was such a good kisser one of those that you watch on a movie, his tongue tasted like heaven, and she wanted more but she could feel the wetness beneath her she hated herself for making him stop but she couldn't take much more, she removed her scrubs and kicked her pants off and sighed a relief revealing, her black bra and thong leati licked his lips and, smiled at what he witnessed addison asked You like? he choked on his breath and moaned and led her back to the bed Addison, took his sweats off, and revealed his boxers and his harden cock, she asked my patient ready for me i can see, he smiled and said you have no idea, how ready i am for you. *Concentrate, by Demi lovato started playing, Don't love ya cause i need to, but it's everything you do to me, make music when ya moaning from night until the morning.. just tell me when your ready and i'm going to paint your body with my lips... baby i do anything you want, lock me down like i'm your slave he slipped from his wallet, and grabbed a condom. Leati, moaned as he rolled the condom on, he was already swollen, and his cock was mad at him for protecting his hood, with a slight move she was on top of him, slow at first she couldn't bare the pain he was huge, he went slow at first but quickly picked up pace matching, her moans, he slowly started moving his hands freely and found her left breast she took his hand and firmly positioned it so he had to massage what was finally his. he slowly moved her over in the middle of the bed, and postioned himself in front of her, she couldn't help but pull him down so he was as close to her chest as he allowed himself, and began thrusting deep, giving her no warning that he was in charge, her moans became louder as he kept hitting every single wave of emotion that they had together, he came back up and started trailing kisses from her stomach, to her nipple, to her other and to her neck, all while thrusting deeper into her. Addison's body started convulsing more and more with each deep thrust he threw into her, she stopped, as leati asked Was it too much she didnt answer and got on all fours as, she instructed him to enter he asked are we sure we're ready for this? he grabbed the lube from her side of the bed and applied some, and entered her slowly as she moaned Don't go slow. i'm ready and i need you she said, Leati burried himself inside her as deep as her behind would allow. she began with soft moans of pleasure, as the moans became louder the screams we're right with the moans, Leati felt himself almost ready to cum but couldn't its too soon, he pulled out and addy sighed of disbelief he brought her down to him as she, was now instructed to lay on his side, as he began to fondle with her ever so swollen parts with one finger of his one move, and she was done for she licked her lips, and begged god and begged him to not stop. her toes curled and she threw her leg over his to give him more space his fingers quickened as he invited two inside her she came with seconds after he tried a third as she grabbed his cock it only took two to three pumps and he came hard and fast she enjoyed his juices all over her You taste so good leati, Your sweet on the inside and outside he smiled a sleepily smile, and laughed and said ditto doc, i only wish i could of came inside you. But that's next... they soon caught their breaths and driftedd into a sleep, For the first time Leati had it all.... okay okay okay this is my first story, in i don't even know. 3 -5 years i wrote actively when myspace was around. i miss those stories so much and i wish i saved them. I wrote heavily on randy orton. ( I blame my 2003 era) for him and my writings but thank god i upgraded to Roman. I hope my people that i tag enjoy this I know it's not as great as ya'lls. but Hallmark christmas movies inspired me and Jake, ( Long story on him) And Sex inspired me. I'll think about writing another part to this if anyone thinks i should. Thanks guys Enjoy

[mccarranhandymanservices-blog]

Professional Toilet Trouble Services in Las Vegas Henderson NV | McCarran Handyman Services

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 Your toilet work fine one minute and the next minute your flush stops releasing water suddenly! Every couple having toddlers understands the problem of clogged drain when the toddler chooses that the bathroom ducky requires a dip flush. And especially leakages are irritating, which can make a water pool in your bathroom and one could not even track the place of leakage. At McCarran Handyman Services, we provide the best toilet trouble services in Las Vegas Henderson NV at affordable prices. Just call McCarran Handyman Services; the best toiler trouble services company in Las Vegas Henderson NV to solve all your toilet trouble problems. Cost? Free estimates? Call today or schedule online fast!

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[izuaalaniz]

19:27 pm WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a WEDNESDAY #IJA #530-57-7257

#CRIMINAL_THREAT BY #RAUL_DAVILA STATING HE IS GOING TO KILL #MY_SON. THE #ASSAILANT #RAUL_DAVILA IS KNOWN TO ASSOCIATE WITH EL SICARIO SINALOENSE A #GROUP_OF_ELITE_MEN THAT INCLUDE #PRINCE_HARRY AND #GEORGE_SOROS WHO WORK ON BEHALF OF HAVING #IZUA'S SON #SEXUALLY_MOLESTED EVERYDAY, THIS IS NOT A SCAM. I HAVE ACHEIVED RECOGNOTION OF THE #FEDERAL_BUREAU_OF_INVESTIGATION #OPERATOR #CHRISTOPHER_A_WRAY ON 14 JUN 2Q19a AND THE #CENTRAL_INTELLIGENCE_AGENCY #DIRECTOR #GINA_CHERI_HASPEL 16 JUN 2Q19a.

12:35 pm WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a WEDNESDAY #IJA #530-57-7257

ONE YEAR AGO #PROTESTING #MY_GOVERNMENT HOWEVER THINGS HAVE CHANGED, I THOUGHT #MY_SON'S FATHER WAS CLEAN A VICTIM AND I HAD KEY POLITICAL OFFICIALS AND WELL KNOWN PUBLIC FIGURES LEADING ME TO THINK THAT WAS SO, I WAS GRAVELY WRONG HE IS A HEINOUS INDIVIDUAL DEVOID OF A HEART. MANY OF THOSE THAT HAD GIVEN WORD TO BE #MY_SON AND #MY_EMBASSADORS AND HELP PROTECT #MY_SON AND TO HELP REPRESENT ME HAVE GONE AWRY #DIGRESSED AND STABBED ME IN THE BACK FOR NO PURPOSE, THEY HAVE NOW TURNED TO #CRIMINALLY_THREATENING #MY_ONLY_SON SOME OF THESE PEOPLE INCLUDE John Cena AND THE #UFC aka #ATILLA , The Howard Stern Show TRUELLY 'HEINOUS INDIVIDUALS DEVOID OF A HEART'[OPERATOR #MONTY_DEAN_KAISER 12:43 pm WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a] IT IS BELEIVED THAT Miley Cyrus , #STEVEN_SPEILBERG , #HARVEY_LEVIN OF #TMZ AND MOST THOSE NAMED ON LAST YEARS RESCIND HAVE TURNED INTO IN HOME IN ESPIONAGE SABATOGERS. AS STATED I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR I WAS ALSO TERRIBLY WRONG ABOUT THE CHILD'S FATHER HE IS A DEGENERATE WHO LIED TO ME OUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP HE IS A CORRUPT CIA AGENT OF WHICH I DID NOT KNOW OF WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER I WAS ALSO BEING LED DOWN THE PATH TO BELEIVING THAT MY NOW SEPERATED FROM HISBAND THE IN HOME IN ESPIONAGE SABATOGER AND SELF PROCLAIMED SEXUAL PREDATOR POSSIBLY #SEXUAL_CHILD_MOLESTER WHO HAS #CRIMINALLY_THREATENED TO #SEXUALLY_MOLEST AND #KILL #MY_SON WAS A VICTIM A #DEFLAGGED SOLDIER HE IS NOT HE IS JUST A #MOOCHIE #HUMAN_CLONE OF SOME ELITE OR THE #CORRUPT_GOVERNMENTAL_STATE SET TO GIVE ME A SUB SERVIANT LIFE AND NEVER ALLOW ME TO KNOW THE TRUTH. I FEAR THE WORSE. THIS IS #OPERATION_KNIgHT_RizE WE SEEK THIS CHILDS FREEDOM FROM SALE INTO THE #BLACK_MARKET_SEX_TRADE_OF_THE_MOVIE_INDUSTRY LED BY Charlie Sheen , THE #POTUS Donald J. Trump AND #RAUL_DAVILA AND HIS #GROUP_OF_MERRIMAN WHICH INCLUDE #KANYE_WEST I WORK #w/ Deborah Norville OF Inside Edition TO EXPOSE THIS #DARK #SEEDY #WORLD AND BRING #RESCUE TO #MY_SON #RICARDO_REUBEN_ZUNIGA-ALANIZ THIS OPERATION ALSO SEEKS TO '#OVERTHROW THE #CORRUPT_GOVERNMENTAL_STATE$ OF THIS WORLD'[OPERATOR #PRESIDENT_NORTH_KOREA Kim Jong-Un 13:14 pm WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a]. THIS CHILD #MY_MINOR_SON IS #ATTENDING #MASSSCHUSETTS_OF_TECHNOLOGY #MIT ON A #FULL_RIDE #ACADEMIC_SCHOLARSHIP ON A #PAPER_TRAIL WHICH SHOULD PROVIDE #ASSURANCES THAT THIS #MINOR_CHILD WHO IS 17 YEARS OF AGE A MALE 'DOES NOT GET #MOOCHIED #HUMAN_CLONED, #PUNKED , EMPREGNATED AS A FEMALE BY THE FATHER OR ABUSED SEXUALLY IN HIS ORIGINAL CLONED BODY IN LOS S GELES AGAINST HIS WILL'[OPERATOR Mike Pompeo #US_SECRETARY_OF_STATE 14:07 PM WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a] THIS IN IT SELF SHOULD MAKE IT QUITE IMPOSSIBLE TO HARM ABUSE #CRIMINAL_THREATS, #SEXUAL_MOLESTATION OR #DEATH OF #MY_SON I DEMAND ACTION FROM LOCAL, STATE, FEDERAL AND INTERNATIONAL AUTHORITIES TO #RESCUE #PROTECT AND #PRESERVE #MY_MINOR_SON AS THEIR ARE MANY HIGH PROFILE INDIVIDUALS KEY POLITICAL OFFICIALS 'INCLUDING THE President Donald J. Trump'[OPERATOR 14:18 pm WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a] CELEBRITIES AND ELITES ARE INVOLVED IN #ORCHESTRATED_RACKETEERING aka #SEXUAL_CHILD_MOLESTATION. THIS CHILD HAS STATED THROUGH #VOICE_HELMET THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE MADE TO IDENTIY AS TRANSGENDERED BY INTIMIDATION FORCE OF HIS FATHER #JAIME_GUILLEN 22 JAN 1975 aka #JORGE_RICARDO_ZUNIGA-BARRERA aka #MARIO_LOPEZ IMDb ALL ONE IN THE SAME A CORRUPT SPY A YPS '#HELL_BENT ON DOING HIS ONLY SON AND I #IZUA HARM'[OPERATOR #DEBORAH_NORVILLE 13:21 pm WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a]. 'STOP_RAPE'[OPERATOR Mike Pompeo US Secretary of State 13:23 pm 03 JUL 2Q19a].

#FILIBUSTER #NoWar #NoRAPE #NoNUKE$ #NOPEACEFULDISARMENT JOIN #LIFEISBUTADREAM A CAMPAIGN ESTABLISHED BY MY SON #RICARDO TO PROVIDE #FUNDAMENTAL_RIGHTS TO ALL CITIZENS OF THIS #PLANET #FamilyReunification @UN @WhiteHouse @INTERPOL_HQ @CIA @FBI @SpeakerPelosi @AOC @CNN @NASA @AP

#SEXUALLY_HARASSED #NUCLEAR #RESEARCH_ASSISTANT from @unlv 09 MAY 2Q19a BY @CIA INVOLVMENT I SEEK INTERVENTION IN THIS MOST PRESSING MATTER THAT INCLUDES @POTUS @realDonaldTrump BEING A #SEXUAL_CHILD_PREDATOR AGAINST #MY_SON #RRZA #911CHILD INFORMING @VP @USSupremeCourt @CNN @BBC

02:15 am WPT 03 JUL 2Q19a WEDNESDAY #IJA #530-57-7257

ACTIVELY #PROTESTING #MY_GOVERNMENT #Nuclear_Protestet_Mom #IZUA '#OPERATION_KNIgHT_RizE. STOP_RAPE'[OPERATER Mike Pompeo 2:23 am WPT 03 MAY 2Q19a].