#it's called depression Margaret look it up

[topguncortez]

All My Heart & All My Being | Jake x Shy!Wifey

opposites attract masterlist | main masterlist

synopsis: Jake & Y/N are given devastating news on what was supposed to be a routine midwife visit. Jake navigates how to tell his kids about the circle of life.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: miscarriage, tears, fear of doctors, cursing, talks of death, canon character death, mentions of depression, mentions of stillbirths

note: miscarriages happen in 1 out of 4 pregnancies. Most miscarriages are spontaneous, meaning that you did nothing to cause it. miscarriages are never your fault, and it doesn't make you any less of a parent. Angel baby parents are still parents.

Jake couldn’t hide his excitement. It was Y/N’s second ultrasound since she had discovered she was pregnant. It was the appointment where they were finally going to hear their baby’s heartbeat. Even though they had been here twice before, the same butterflies and nervous feelings still arose in their bellies. Jake was trying his best to not crush Y/N’s hand with his strong grip as they waited for the doctor to come in. 

Jake was halfway out of the chair he was sitting in, at eye level with Y/N’s bare belly. His eyes were wide as he was retelling the story of his last dogfight with Rooster and Coyote. Y/N couldn’t help the smile on her face as she ran her hand through his soft blonde hair. 

“And then, I broke right, turning right into the sun with Rooster still hot on my tail, but the ol’ man still hasn’t learned any new tricks,” Jake laughed, “He lost me in the sun, and I was able to turn quickly and get behind him to get missile lock on him.” 

“Going to turn this one into an aviator before they’re even born,” Y/N giggled. Jake looked up at her with pure admiration and love in his green eyes. 

“They’ve got a handful of uncles and aunts who will turn them into an aviator if I don’t,” Jake said as there was a soft knock on the door. Y/N sat up on her elbows and told whoever it was to come in, but Jake’s eyebrows furrowed at the young nurse who walked through the door, “Where’s Doctor Carpenter?” 

The nurse smiled at him as she walked to the ultrasound machine, “She’s with another mother right now, but she’ll be here soon.” Y/N nodded and laid back down on the exam table, “My name is Margaret, and I’ll be doing the initial look, taking a few pictures and then Doctor Carpenter will be in.” 

“Okay,” Y/N nodded, feeling the grip of nerves in her throat. Jake could feel the anxiety rolling off his wife in waves and squeezed his wife’s hand. Y/N looked over at him, as Jake raised their conjoined hands to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. 

“How have you been feeling, Mrs. Seresin?” Margaret asked. 

“Oh please, call me Y/N,” Y/N said softly, “I’ve been feeling more tired than usual with this one. It’s our third baby,” Jake gave her hand a squeeze, “But lately, my back has been hurting, I’ve had these weird dizzy spells, just overall felt like crap.” 

Margaret nodded as she put some of the cool gel on Y/N’s belly. Y/N let out a shaky breath as Margaret pressed the transducer to Y/N’s lower belly. She always hated this part of the exam, feeling like her bladder was going to explode from the pressure. 

Jake sucked in a breath as he watched Y/N stare up at the ceiling. She was uncomfortable and Jake hated that. “Did you hear about Dragon’s wedding present for Rooster?” Y/N looked at her husband and shook her head, “Well apparently, it was a fancy little picture book. Rooster was actually speechless, and you know that man is nev-” 

“How far along are you?” Margaret asked, interrupting Jake. He looked up at her, noticing the pinched look on her face. 

“12 weeks,” Y/N nodded, “But isn’t that on my chart?” 

Margaret nodded and plastered a fake smile on her face, “Y-yeah, yes, it’s just that-” 

Jake’s shoulders squared as he stood up from his seat, “That what? What’s wrong?” 

Margaret set the transducer down and turned to face both of them, “I’m not seeing anything on the ultrasound.” 

“What?” Y/N looked from the nurse to Jake and back at the nurse. She felt her heart start to race as she pushed herself up on her elbows, “There’s. . .there’s no baby? I lost the-” 

“I don’t know,” Margaret said, “I-I’m not really authorized to read-” 

“How about you go find someone who is?” Jake said sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. Margaret nodded rapidly and scurried out of the room with her head down. Jake scoffed and ran his hand through his hair, his jaw clenched shut, “What a fucking joke. Can you-” He looked down at his wife to find tears running down her cheeks, “Hey, sweets, what’s wrong?” 

“There’s no baby,” Y/N cried, and Jake wrapped her in his strong embrace. 

“We don’t know that,” Jake said, his voice strong and steady, “The nurse even said she’s not authorized to read it.” He pulled Y/N away from his chest and held her face in his hands. She looked up into his green eyes, “You hear me? We can’t jump to conclusions yet.” Y/N closed her eyes and nodded her head, not really believing a word Jake said. And to be honest, he wasn’t even sure if he believed what he said either. 

Jake gently shifted Y/N’s body so he could sit on the edge of the small exam table and hold his wife. They waited in painful silence for the doctor to come in. The only sound was the occasional sniffle from Y/N, which was followed by Jake pressing his lips to the top of her head. A small knock pulled them out of their quiet embrace as their usual doctor walked into the room. Jake felt some relief in his body, but the look on the doctor’s face didn’t help ease much of it. 

“I’m sorry for the wait,” Doctor Carpenter said, giving them both a sad smile, “Let’s see what’s going on.” She quickly went to the ultrasound machine. Jake moved off the exam table and stood by her side, holding her hand in both of his. 

Doctor Carpenter did the same thing as the nurse had done previously, putting the cold gel on Y/N’s belly and spreading it around her lower abdomen. Y/N looked up at the ceiling as Jake’s eyes were on the black-and-white screen in front of him. Doctor Carpenter worked in silence as she moved the transducer around, freezing on a spot, and taking a picture, before moving to another spot. The silence stretched for about ten minutes before Doctor Carpenter sighed, and placed the transducer down.  

Y/N closed her eyes as she felt Doctor Carpenter’s eyes on her. She couldn’t hear the words that came out of the doctor’s mouth but felt Jake squeeze her hand. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N and Jake, but there isn’t a viable fetus present,” Doctor Carpenter said, “I’m afraid Y/N has had what we call a spontaneous miscarriage. It doesn’t present like a normal. . .” 

It was all a blur after that. 

She could hear the door to the exam room shut. She could feel Jake move to lean over her and run a hand through her hair. She could faintly make out the sound of his voice as he spoke to her. She could feel him hold her in his arms, rubbing her back and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She could hear him sniffle and wipe away the tears from under his eyes. 

The car ride home was quiet, as Y/N leaned her head against the window, looking at the familiar landscape pass her by. Jake would occasionally glance over at her, noticing the hand that sat protectively on her belly. He shifted in his seat and looked at his wife again. 

Jake cleared his throat, “Are you in pain?” 

“Not physically,” Y/N answered, “It’s just. . . when you think about a miscarriage or losing a baby, you imagine blood and pain, not. . .” Y/N fought back tears, her mind trying to come up with the right words to say. Jake reached his hand across the center console and grabbed hers. Neither of them said another word as they drove the rest of the way home. 

When they arrived home, Jake noticed Amelia Benjamin’s bike by the front door. She usually babysat the kids after school while Jake & Y/N were at work. It was supposed to be a happy night, while Jake and Y/N shared pictures of their unborn child, and listen as Alex and Ella argued about whether it was going to be a boy or a girl. Now, all Y/N felt was dread of having to face her children and her parents. 

“Why don’t you go into the house from the garage and up the back steps,” Jake said, looking at his wife, “And I’ll go corral the kids to the backyard.” Y/N nodded her head in agreement, “I’ll be up soon and draw you a bath-” 

“I just want to lay in bed,” Y/N said, looking at Jake, “I’m okay. . . or I will be anyway.” 

Jake gave her a smile. Y/N was one of the toughest women he knew. She had to be tough when being married to an aviator. Nothing in Jake’s life was ever promised and Y/N had known that first hand. She had watched as partners of fellow aviators had been given folded flags instead of getting to hug their loved ones again. She always feared losing Jake, never one of her own babies. 

“I’m going to go in now,” Y/N said and Jake nodded. 

“Y/N,” Jake called her name as he stepped out of the truck. She looked up at him, “I love you, with all my heart and all my being.” 

Y/N smiled, “I love you too, with all my heart and all my being.” 

Jake took a moment, trying to gather his thoughts as he watched Y/N walk into the house. He turned the truck off and gathered his duffle bag from the back seat, before making his way to the backyard where he could hear the loud laughter of his kids. 

The second that Jake opened the gate to the backyard, Alex and Ella ran right to him. He greeted them with his usual bright smile and kiss on the cheek. He thanked Amelia for watching them and paid her. Then he stood on the front porch with Alex and Ella as Amelia rode her bike the two blocks it took to get to her house. 

“C’mon, let’s go get a snack,” Jake said, leading his kids inside the house. Alex climbed up on the stool at the kitchen island, while Jake sat Ella down on hers. He cut them up an apple, splitting it between the two of them, and giving them each a big dollop of peanut butter to go with. 

“Where’s Mommy?” Alex asked, looking around the kitchen for the usual bright ball of sunshine that was Y/N Seresin. 

“She’s uh,” Jake cleared his throat, “She’s not feeling well. She’s laying down right now.” 

“What wrong wit Mommy?” Ella asked, looking up at Jake with those big green eyes. Jake knew that at some point in time, they needed to talk to the kids about what happened, but he was hoping that he would have some time to gather his thoughts before telling them. If it was up to Jake, he would wait to talk to them, but he also knew that Y/N hated keeping things from them. 

“Your mommy,” Jake shook his head, “We found out today that. . . we lost the baby.” The room was silent for a moment as the five and two-and-a-half-year-old were trying to come to terms with what their father just said. How does one even explain the circle of life to kids? 

“How?” Ella asked. 

“I’m not really sure, Elles,” Jake said, running his hand over her blonde hair, “Sometimes, it just happens. There’s no explanation. There’s no reason. Sometimes, God decides he needs the baby a bit more than we do.” 

Alex blinked a couple of times, staring at the bottom wrung of the chair that Steve had chewed up, “Is that Baby with Uncle Bradley’s mom and dad?” 

Jake nodded, “Yeah. The baby is with Uncle Bradley’s mom and Dad, and Grandpa Seresin, and the dog your mommy had as a child, and Aunt Dragon’s babies.” 

“I don’t wike that,” Ella pouted, as the tears slowly started to roll down her cheeks. Jake cooed and walked over to her, picking her up in his arms, and holding her head against his chest as she cried. 

“I know, baby girl, I know,” Jake sniffled, “No one does. It’s hard to lose the people you love,” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “All we can do now, is show mama some love, give her some extra cuddles. She’s going to be sad for a while.” 

“I wanna go to Mommy,” Ella mumbled and Jake nodded. He carried Ella in his arms and walked up the stairs toward their shared room. Alex stayed in his spot, still staring at that beat-up wrung of the stool. 

Jake knocked softly on the bedroom door, waiting for the invite from Y/N to let him in. He knew not to overcrowd her and make her feel uncomfortable. Sometimes Y/N reminded him of a scared, feral dog that had been kicked one too many times. But her quiet, soft voice granted him permission to come in, and Jake gently pushed the door open. 

Y/N was facing the door and looked up to see her baby girl with tears rolling down her cheeks. Y/N gave Jake a sad smile and shifted a bit in bed to make room for Ella. Silently, Jake stepped across the threshold and brought Ella to Y/N. 

“My baby girl, what are the tears for?” Y/N asked Ella, as Jake pulled back the covers and gently placed her next to her mom. 

“I don’t want you to be sad,” Ella mumbled, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“I know,” Y/N said softly, “I’ll only be sad for a little while, I promise.” She pulled Ella in close to her chest and rubbed her back. Ella was like Jake in so many ways, that the small gesture was a sure way to make them both fall asleep. 

Jake smiled at his girls before returning downstairs to make Y/N some tea. Alex was still in the same spot as he was when Jake went upstairs. He eyed his child as he filled and set the kettle on the stove. Jake always felt like he had a hard time connecting with Alex. Y/N was already four months pregnant with him when Jake came home from a mission. And Jake had to leave when he was only three months old for another mission. Alex was also the complete opposite of his father and Jake struggled to find things they had in common. 

“What’re you thinking about, Lex?” Jake asked, leaning against the counter. 

“Do you know where I can get white roses?” Alex said, looking up at his dad. Jake’s eyebrows furrowed, “Uncle Rooster always gets Aunt Dragon white roses on Ida’s birthday. He says they are for membrance.” 

“Remembrance,” Jake said, “And I think I know a place where we can get some.” 

— — — 

Three days later, Jake and Alex were in the middle of Y/N’s garden, while she sat in a chair with Ella. Doctor Carpenter told her to take the next couple of days easy while her body and mind processed the news of the miscarriage. The kids had been a great help, keeping Y/N’s mind off the loss and giving her the extra cuddles that she didn’t know she needed. 

“White Roses love the sun,” Y/N said, as Alex finished digging the whole, “You picked a perfect spot, Alex.” 

The little boy wiped the sweat from his brow as Jake brought over the poted plant, “Thanks, momma.” 

“Alright Ella, you want to come help with this?” Jake asked, and the little girl happily obliged. She wiggled out of her moms lap and walked over to where the two boys were standing. 

Jake gently pulled the rose bush from the bucket it sat in, remembering all the critiques Y/N gave him while he helped her plant to other flowers in the garden. Ella and Alex cupped the bottom of the plant as they gently eased it into the hole. Y/N stood up from her chair and walked over to her family, watching as the kids covered the base of the rose bush with fresh soil. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes as Jake put his arm around her, pulling her flush against his side. 

“There!” Alex said, clapping the dirt off of his hands, “Do you like it?!” 

“We love it, baby,” Jake smiled, “Now come here! Family hug!” Y/N giggled as the kids ran right towards their legs, hugging them tightly, “I love you guys, with all my heart, and all my being.”

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[iceman-kazansky]

4 times Donald Malarkey Wanted to kiss you , the one time he did.

Pairings: Donald Malarkey x f!reader

Requested by: none, just an idea I had :)

Warnings: Bastogne, Mentions of depression, character death, Donald being flustered, uhh tons of switches of POV's but just read it and be happy.

A/n: reallllyyy didn't like this. I mean, I like the Toccoa part (#1) but I felt like it gradually decreased in quality as it went on. Also, my first ever band of brothers fic so be weary.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚��*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

1. Close call in Toccoa

Malarkey, shamefully, had noticed how much his thoughts were about you. He found you occupying his mind about anything and everything. Something you said yesterday, your smile when Luz had mocked Coronel sink, your eyes and how they shined in the dark moonlight during the notorious night march, your hands when you'd accidentally brushed your knuckles against his during breakfast this morning.

All the little things nobody else would care to notice Malarky cherished like it was religion. Of course, Malarkey's best friends, Muck and Penkala, had caught wind of his obsession when he spoke just a little too much of the woman within the company.

They teased him for it, as all friends do when they learn their best bud is crushing a little too hard on a girl.

Sitting in the cafeteria, Malarkey was subject to that teasing. "Whatcha dreaming about larkey'?" Warren asked, a cheeky smile stretched across his face.

"You already know it's Y/n, so why'd you ask?" Alex was quick to respond, Warren nodding in fake thoughtfulness.

"I imagine Malarky sits and dreams all about kissing Y/n. I saw him staring at her yesterday. Ain't that right Malarky? What were you thinking about then?" Warren's smile grows even larger and he puckers his lips, "mhmm" He groans with a mock high-pitch voice, "y/n, Please kiss me! You're so pretty! I really, really love you y'know!"

The ginger flushes red from embarrassment, Although, Donald won't lie to himself, he does think of the softness of your lips more than he'd like to admit… but that wasn't the point. He thinks to himself while he swats his friend harshly from across the table, trying to shut him up before the whole company learns his secret. "Can it, will you?" He whisper-yells, kicking Warren in the shins full force to which causes the blond haired boy to exclaim in agony.

"It's true! I swear, you probably think about kissing her–" Warren is cut off by a very familiar voice and Malarkey's stomach drops in fear.

"Who's thinking about kissing who?" You say, plopping down in the seat next to Malarky innocently, while the poor ginger turns as red in the face as his hair on his head.

Theres a few beats of stunned, awkward silence before finally Alex answers "Malarky thinks about kissing-" Donald shoots him a warning glare and a hard nudge of his foot, "-Margaret. Yeah, a girl back home whom he knew. A real broad, that one."

Malarkey doesn't notice the way your face falls at the mention of someone at home, "Y-yeah" He stutters out. "Margaret. Real pretty." Or the way you go silent and your shoulders slump.

"Sounds real nice." You half mumble while you shovel a spoon of oatmeal in your mouth.

Muck and Penkala glance at each other with looks that say 'oh fuck' while everyone resumes eating breakfast in an awkward silence.

Oh fuck was right.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

2. Thunder and flash

Malarkey hit the ground with a thud, his white parachute settling on the ground behind him while he worked on cutting himself free and condensing the fabric into a tight roll.

It was dark, with sounds of gunfire in the distance. A rustle in the bushes caused Malarkey's head to snap in that direction. "Thunder?" He called out hesitantly, cautious not to be too loud.

The bush moved, followed by "flash" in response and a silhouette stepped out.

With the limited lighting Malarkey was squinting to see who he had reunited with. Was it Liebgott? Toye? Winters? Was it you?

It didn't take long to get an answer when the person made themselves known, stepping into a thick beam of moonlight, face illuminated by the white light.

Malarkey was beyond relieved. He had found you. Even better, still alive and breathing. He doesn’t know what he would've done had it been your body, strung up in the branches of a tree.

"You're alive." He all but whispered.

"What'd you think was gonna happen? Really thought the Krauts got the better of me?" You chuckle, a warm smile on your face, "Have a little faith, will you?"

Oh how he wanted to cup your cheeks and kiss you.

Malarkey wanted to reach forwards, grab your face with his hands, and plant his lips on yours. He wanted to show you how worried he was. How sickeningly scared he had been that you were dead before he'd even jumped from the plane.

There is a silence while you move to embrace each other, eyes staring into one another's in an emotion you both can't quite name, something you'll find out later when feelings unravel themselves.

Malarkey doesn't notice the way you both subconsciously had begun leaning into each other, faces inching closer. A thought flashed across Malarkey's mind. He could kiss you. He could ruin his friendship.

Little did he know, none of that would need to be decided as A voice calls from the bushes "Thunder?" immediately met with you calling out a quick 'flash!' And pulling away.

Begrudgingly, Malarkey realizes he must find easy company, there's no time to sulk, he finishes packing his parachute into a tight ball and stands to join you and the new soldier they joined with.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

3. Drunken confession in the times after Carentan

The bar was deafening and unorderly. Soldiers of all ranks and ages were drinking, a golden yellow ale were being thrust into the air in cheer over the recent win in Carentan.

Malarkey and his best friends, Warren Muck and Alex Penkala were seated in a small booth towards the back of the bar with each of them having an ale on the table.

Malarkey excuses himself, going to grab another drink, he blows a sigh through his lips and begins pushing himself through the mass of people and to the bar.

When he finally got to the counter, two bartenders were rushing between calls for another beer. He was going to be here for awhile.

While standing patiently waiting for a drink, a figure approaches. Malarkey recognizes it as Lieutenant Winters and immediately is straightening himself out when he approaches. "Sir?" He questions when the red-headed lieutenant stops in front of him.

"Malarkey. I think it'd be best for sergeant Y/n to be off for the night. Except, she won't listen to me."

Donald smiles at the Lieutenant, peeking over his shoulder in the direction he came, sure enough seeing a drunken you, half asleep and nearly falling off your chair. "Will do, lieutenant."

"Have a good evening, Malarkey." And with that the man was off.

Making his way over to you, the ginger tapped you on the shoulder gently, prompting a grunt in response. "C'mon y/n, we gotta get you to bed."

Attempting to stand you nearly topple over, Malarkey's hand reaching out to grip your forearm, a giggle escaping your drunken lips. After stumbling out into the warm summer air and across camp, Malarkey had you nearly in bed and was ready to leave you to your own.

He draws in a deep breath and leans down hesitantly. Malarkey places his lips lightly on your cheek for a moment, hunched over your half-asleep form.

Moments pass where you stay like that before he whispers a soft "good night" and exits the room promptly.

when he leaves he can feel the giddiness running through his veins, a smile pulling itself onto his lips.

Oh god he was in for it.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

4. Bastogne; frozen hell

Malarkey wasn’t sure what to do anymore. There was a dull ache that filled his chest, a sensation that he could only describe as a leech sucking the life straight from the organ that pumped blood throughout his body. He was a man stranded on an island, unable to get off.

Muck was gone. Penkala was gone too. Gone as in, He’d never talk to them again. Bodies blown into oblivion by a direct hit of a mortar. If he’d known the last words he had spoken to them would've been so soon, he would have told them a whole lot more. Told them how good of friends they had become and how dear they had become to him. But he'd never get that chance because they had been taken from him all too soon. Like a bandaid being pulled off a fresh wound, much to early to fend off the infectious depression threatening to poison him from the brain. Kill him with his own emotions.

Oh god, he wanted to break down. He wanted to be held in the arms of the person he loved. Wanted to cry so hard all his worries went away. But Malarkey wasn’t supposed to do that; wasn't allowed for he was a man in a time of war.

Malarkey was perched on the edge of the cot he was assigned, elbows resting on tired knees and supporting his head while he stared meaninglessly at the floor. His eyes traced over the brown cracks etched into worn floorboards, following each individual splinter and fissure, curious to where they ended up.

“Malarkey?”

He knew it was you, in the back of his mind your voice clicked, but he didn’t have it in himself to look up or respond in fear he would break down. He didn’t want to seem so vulnerable in front of you.

“Don?”

Malarkey could feel a piece of his cold, lifeless gaze peel away with the soft mention of his name, the syllables falling delicately from your perfect mouth. And when he looked up, his crestfallen gaze meeting your concerned one, he felt the strong want to cry. The emotion must've crossed his face more prominently than he’d have liked, as something flashed in your gaze and immediately you were ready to comfort the grief-stricken man.

“Oh, Malarkey.” You say, breath no louder than a whisper, immediately seating yourself beside him on the bed and wrapping your arms around him, pulling him into the most delicate hug he’s ever had.

He finds it comforting how it reminds him of his mother back home. How she used to wrap him up in her arms and whisper sweet nothings into his ear when he would cry. Malarkey thinks about a lot of things while lying in your arms. He thinks about Muck, teasing him about something stupid he had done while Alex laughs from the side, adding on to the playful mocking they induce. He thinks about home, about his brothers John and Bob and his sister, Marilyn, or his mother and father, how they were all waiting patiently for his return to the states.

“I’m so so sorry.” You mumble into his hair, rocking the boy gently, “I know how much they meant to you.”

Malarkey doesn’t respond, he just cries silently into the comfort of your shoulder. He weeps onto your clothed arm, snot and wet tears soaking into the worn green fabric of your tunic– not like you mind.

When he feels like he's had enough, he's pulling away, red eyes puffy with tears and staring at you. "Thanks." It's quiet, such a low whisper before Malarkey is pulling away and standing up, leaving the tent.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

5. A broad named Margaret

Malarkey was done with war, done with the horrors forever etched into the fabrics of his very brain, done with firing a hot round of smoking gunpowder and bronze metal into a German's body and watching them fall to the ground.

He never thought he could have been happier when he received the news that the last of the German army surrendered.

The first thing he did was go looking for you, asking his fellow easy company boys if they'd seen you. After many, 'I Don't know, sir,' Liebgott was his savior and pointed out you were in a building just across the street.

Malarkey, bursting with joy, raced across the street and into the house, nearly running into you as he threw open the door.

He didn't even think, he just grabbed you and kissed you out of glee. He pulled away shortly after, barely recognizing the fact he probably ruined a good friendship out of his own moments of joy, and you looked like you were about to short circuit, pure surprise painting your face, "The Germans surrendered, the war's over!"

Malarkey is smiling down at you when your fist grab his collar harshly and yank him back down into a kiss.

He blinks in surprise, taken aback by your boldness, before melting into the kiss.

Yours and his lips move in sync, the world muted around the both of you, and the only sound was the beat of your hearts. The kiss was sweet as honey, soft and gentle, but full of love and affection. The taste of his lips lingered on yours, like a memory etched in your soul that you would never forget.

"Im sorry-" you splutter out shortly after.

"Sorry? About what?" Malarkey asks, a look of shock melting into his features.

"About Margaret– you love her, not me, and I just ruined that.. oh my God you probably hate me right now! Im just–"

Malarkey smiles and crashes his lips onto yours to silence your rambling, "You don't know how long I've wanted that." He whispers when he pulls away and leans his forehead against yours.

"B-but Margaret?"

"Oh silly," He chuckles, "Margaret was never real. We were talking about you."

"You were… thinking about kissing me?" A look of confusion paints your face while Malarkey laughs.

"Yes, sweetheart." He says before kissing you again.

If Malarkey thought he was happy about the end of the war, boy was he wrong. This made his whole life a greater place that he'd describe as a sunny meadow with white clouds scuttling across a vast blue sky and a colorful array of daisies and red eyed-susan's that blow gently in a breeze tainted with a smell of salt that wafts from the nearby ocean. That was his dream. To live there, in that place, with you. Luckily for him, the war was over, and you were both going home, together.

[saratinz]

Fine China

pairing ➩ Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Natasha x Sam (Modern AU)

warnings ➩ depression, addiction, alcohol, pills, angst, sad ending, cheating

synopsis ➩ Based off 'Fine China' by Lana Del Rey

word count ➩ 1.9k

You stare at the white dress you once loved so dearly. “Yeah, of course you can have it, Natasha.” 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you again. I know what I’m asking is insensitive, but this, it really means a lot.” 

“It’s okay, Nat. You’re going to look stunning. I’ve been left on my wedding day, twice, think I have a problem, and until I figure that out, I can’t be anywhere near this shit.”

“Thank you so much. God I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m so happy for you.” 

“I know this is asking a lot, but will you be my maid of honor?”

“I’d love to.” You put on your best fake smile. But as soon as she leaves, you slide down your wall, screaming to numb the pain you’ve been through in 

Four years ago

I wore diamonds for the birth of your baby

For the birth of your son

Steve Rogers always wanted a child, just his fatherly nature I guess. His ex-wife, Margaret, has always been a third in your relationship. You get the call while getting your makeup and hair done, quickly getting off your chair to drive to the hospital. You were shocked that this baby is coming out, considering it a month before his due date. Peggy manages to look gorgeous even while going through one of the most painful things known to man. “Hey sweetheart, can we talk in private for a second?” Steve pulls you into the hall.

“Oh, of course.” 

On the same day, my husband-to-be

Packed his things to run

“I’m so sorry , Y/n, my family is the most important thing to me right now.”

“I thought I was your family.”

“I love them.”

“I know that but do you really, y’know, love her that way?”

“I do.”

“You were supposed to say that to me.” You half-heartedly chuckle.

“Can you not joke right now.”

“Fuck you Steve. I gave up everything for you, I listened to you, I stayed with you after you cheated on me and impregnated Peggy, I was even gonna raise a child with you at 25.”

Was bittersweet to say the least

One life begins, one comes undone

You drive away from the hospital, speeding home to drink copious amounts of alcohol.

I've always been a strong woman of faith

Strong like a tree, but the unlucky one

You haven’t cried in years. When you went through your first break-up, you vowed never to cry over a boy again. And you didn’t. But right now, in this situation, you figure that it constitutes a few tears.

I'm going down now

With all of my

You feel broken. After suppressing every painful event in your life for nine years, you finally express your emotions. It’s a rough night, and all you could do was cry until you couldn’t anymore.

Fine china and fresh linen

All of my dresses with them tags still on them

You get a storage unit, and keep everything from your wedding that never happened, hoping that one day, you would get to use it for real.

Fine china and dull silver

My white horses and my ivory almonds

“You’re a beautiful girl, sure you want to mess with this stuff.”

“Give me the goddamn pills, Luke.”

I guess they really got the best of us, didn't they?

They said that love was enough, but it wasn’t

You think of the time you almost broke up with Steve. It was when Peggy found out she was pregnant, but the two of you had been together for a year, meaning that he cheated without a doubt. Your friends tried to help, but the best they could muster was a question. “Do you love him?”

“I do, yeah.”

“Then maybe that’s your answer.”

The Earth shattered, the sky opened 

The rain was fire, but we were wooden

All hell broke loose, as all of your friends found out Steve left you. Some of them were understanding, some of them dropped him immediately. One of those being Bucky Barnes, who was the only person who didn’t talk to you like you could break at any moment. And over the next year, you fell in love, the next year you got engaged. And now, three years after Steve broke your heart, you find yourself getting ready to be wed. You can’t believe you’re finally going to live your dream. 

I wore diamonds for the day of our wedding

For our day in the sun

You felt beautiful in your dress. “Y/n . We need to talk.”

“Buck, you’re not supposed to see me, it’s like, bad luck or whatever.” You let out a little laugh. You were never the superstitious type.

On the same day, my mother-to-be said she wouldn't come

“My mom, she’s not coming.”

“Oh god, is she sick or something. It would be a little tricky, but we could figure out rescheduling.”

“No, she’s just refusing to come.”

“I thought your mom liked me. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s not you, it’s just, I told her about your little pill problem.”

“What are you talking about”

“Don’t play dumb, I know you’re not on anti-depressants like you say. I may not be a doctor but I have Google.”

It's always been that way with me

No time for change, no time for fun

“Okay I’m sorry for lying, but what gave you the right to rifle through my stuff, and then talk to your mom  instead of me about it?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? Wait, you’re not talking about, no, what the fuck James? No, this, it can’t be happening again.”

It's always been that way, it seems

One love begins, one comes undone

“I’m so sorry, Y/n, I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t sit back and watch as you kill yourself.”

“Oh my god, so you’re leaving me because I like to relax.”

“It’s not just pills you’re addicted to, you’re addicted to me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means you’re like a leach, sucking the life force out of me. You’re never satisfied.”

“I didn’t want you to leave like Steve did.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“I do.”

“I’m never gonna hear you say those words, am I?”

“I don’t know, Y/n, maybe one day.”

I'm going down now

With all of my

“So, I’ll do whatever I have to, I wanna be with you, I’ll get help. I’ll go to therapy, I’ll do whatever it takes, just please. Please.”

“I love you, Y/n, I always will.”

Fine china and fresh linen

All of my dresses with them tags still on them

Back to your storage unit, everything goes. You really thought this was it. You’re a fucking idiot.

Fine china and dull silver

My white horses and my ivory almonds

You try to get clean, and you manage to stay that way for three months. But one day, when you couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky and your sponsor was on vacation, you take a little trip to your favorite dealer. “Hey, haven’t seen you in awhile. You getting sober or something?”

“Went to rehab, stayed off drugs for a guy. I’m just gonna ruin my chance with him, I guess.”

“You sure you wanna do that?”

“Fuck him, I need to think about me.”

I guess they really got the best of us, didn't they?

They said that love was enough, but it wasn’t

“I’m using again Bucky, and I’m not gonna stop.”

“Please don’t do this.”

The Earth shattered, the sky opened

The rain was fire, but we were wooden

“I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, me too.”

Present day

All of my, all of my fine china

After five drinks and two pills, you get up on the little stage area that was set up.

All of my, all of my fine china

“Hey guys, as the maid of honor, I would like to say congratulations to my best friend and her wonderful new husband, Sam. But oh my god, if I hear anyone compliment the table cloth, dishes, decor, or god forbid the dress, I’m going to scream.”

All of my, all of my fine china

“Funny story actually, this was all supposed to be for my wedding. Bucky, where are you? Oh there he is. Handsome, right? Kind of an asshole but if you’re looking for a hook up, I highly recommend. He’s my ex who left me on our wedding day, so, yikes.”

Blue, ah, blue

“She stole my whole wedding. Hell she even stole the lingerie I was planning on wearing for my wedding night. So none of this planning is hers is what I’m trying to say. Guess I could be a fucking wedding planner or something. Ha, wouldn’t that be ironic, the girl who can’t seem to get married helping other people live her dream.”

All of my, all of my fine china

Natasha looks furious. But she didn’t want to stop you. She had done something pretty fucked up too, and even though you said you were okay, she knew you. She knew the pain you were going through. Not from experience though, only listening. She could never fully comprehend the damage done.

All of my, all of my fine china

You continue to embarrass yourself, but you’re too cross-faded to care.

Blue, ah

“Is anyone else still thinking about how weird it is that she’s wearing my underwear? I mean, I never wore them but it still seems a bit strange. Here’s a little secret, that’s her something blue.”

Fine china and fresh linen

All of my dresses with them tags still on them

The next morning, you wake with the worst hangover of your life. Oh shit, you ruined Nat’s wedding. As if things couldn’t get any worse, you’re not even in your apartment. Where the fuck are you?

Fine china and dull silver

My white horses and my ivory almonds

“Hey sleepyhead.” 

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck happened last night?”

“You don’t remember? We had sex.”

“Oh god, what about Peggy?”

“She’s a bitch, I never should have left you.”

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”

“What’s wrong baby?”

“You’re a terrible person. I need to go.” You scurry out of that hell-scape, cursing your drunk self.

I guess they really got the best of us, didn't they?

They said that love was enough, but it wasn’t

“I’d like to check into rehab again.” 

“That’s good Y/n.”

“I have one question, though.”

“What is it?”

“You were never gonna get back together with me, right? I mean it was pretty good incentive, but you were never serious.”

“No, we still have a chance.”

“Cut the shit Bucky. You don’t have to lie to me, just stop playing with my emotions.”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Goodbye James.”

The Earth shattered, the sky opened

The rain was fire, but we were wooden

“Here you go. Everything you asked for is there.” Nat gives you boxes upon boxes of your wedding stuff back. 

Fine china, fine china, fine china

You break every plate, cup, and bowl.

Fresh linen, fresh linen, fresh linen

You burn every table cloth, napkin, and the dress you now hate with your whole heart.

Maybe one day you’ll get married, but you needed this stuff gone, and you needed to never think about it again. So far all you’ve gotten out of your engagements was depression, addiction, and some shards of fine china.

Masterlist / Spinoff series

[scintillyyy]

whelp. i did it. somehow. firefighter show is done.

margaret is a new favorite problematic redeemable mom. "wanna go shopping for flowers together? i'm not trying to overstep or imply you're doing bad, i just thought it'd be nice"

aw buck realized his worth. and subconscious mom and dad let him go. but not daniel! wait no it's buck. and buck's going back for himself. the whole i'm a firefighter thing was cheesy as hell tho!

you know who's op? albert's mom. love women who are too good for everyone around them.

frankly margaret is right to nag about the couch. but look at these parents!! trying so hard!! like. trying to finally be what buck hoped they would be? good for him.

ah eddie's couch. adorable. opening up to him, even better <3

eddie and buck on a poker date <3 looking sharp boys <3

okay clearly this sending chim back to academy is to have him recognize what a leader he is. but like. god cap would literally be one of the worst bosses in the world if he was real.

and then academy! clearly they're doing a burn tower. fun fact, there's no fire, just smoky barrels to mimic smoky conditions. it's apparently super miserable. anyways i don't know if la does academy all the time or something, but it's usually only done after the new hires come on. and it's only like. 6-12 weeks of job training?? idk. when they recommended my husband spend some days at academy to practice acting up after he did officer school he had to go on his off days from actual work because the city's not going to pay for him to mess around at academy when he's still got to do his current job. they're not paying someone overtime to fill in for him. the exception was when they had him do the week of officer school, but even then on days he had school and shift, he just returned to shift after he was done with class.

i have a review for you cap, you're an hr nightmare <3

ahahaha. maddie singing in the 911 call. christ, the cheese. and everyone clapped.

okay. how did cap get he an extension on her state licensing requirements c'mon. that has nothing to do with the lafd aside from the fact that they probably provide the cont ed required to maintain. when it's due for renewal and if it gets renewed is entirely up to the state (or should be. idk about california i guess).

you know this whole eddie needs to not be set in his ways and get out of his comfort zone? (he needs to confess to buck. wait what who said that.)

ah, the taxes thing. i mean i like the story thay they're gonna get married (chim and maddie) but the taxes thing is just a little silly. like jee is two? and since taxes are done for the previous years 1) they may have already had to do taxes with consideration of jee and living together and 2) we're talking about potentially doing taxes for the year that maddie was gone. so there should be no way that she would he like "i'm gonna claim jee on mine". that whole being gone for majority of it would be a big long conversation. i feel like maddie and chim would probably have had these discussions already.

i do like hen bringing up the whole maddie leaving thing tho. while i want her and chim to be happy, hen does make excellent points about that and their relationship and his indecision in general.

but she is being unfair about maddie having ppd and not trusting chim. because those aren't necessarily connected. women with ppd. listen there's so much shame involved, especially with the ones you love the most. how do you admit to your husband some of the things that ppd might make you feel about your child? depression itself is irrational, but with ppd there's also a real fear that if you admit to some of those things, you will lose your child. but overall it was a good discussion between them.

of course the ring was with jee lol.

and hen and maddie had a good talk. and maddie's proposing aw.

listen i haven't said much about these buck and eddie lovelines, but all in all its generally inoffensive to me but i'm not super feeling it. definitely rushed tho. and buck's new love interest is very underwritten and such a non-presence that i don't even remember her name.

and listen. i like the sperm donor storyline but i also hate when shows lean in on "haha pregnant lady so she comes in and starts eating spaghetti cause she's hungry and makes buck go out just to buy her pickles". cravings and hunger are there, but they're generally pretty reasonable.

buck taking charge in the bridge collapse. how much he's grown.

once again the world's fastest premature baby with the world's biggest premature baby. good for buck giving the baby to the mom. that's growth.

look at everyone settling down. you can tell this was meant to be a maybe we're not getting renewed thing lol

anyways good for them. the show is just as ridiculous as i remembered and then some, but i didn't hate it. just needs more union. :)

[thebreakfastgenie]

Complete Guide to M*A*S*H Episodes Written and Directed by Cast Members

Some of these episodes feature co-writers or co-directors. I also did not make the distinction between written by, story by, and teleplay by credits, because the purpose of this list is to find episodes cast members were involved in behind the scenes. I may later update this post to include that information, but it is all available on imdb.

Written by Mike Farrell The Yalu Brick Road Run for the Money

Directed by Mike Farrell Ain't Love Grand Heal Thyself Strange Bedfellows

Written and Directed by Mike Farrell Death Takes a Holiday War Co-Respondent

Directed by Harry Morgan The Novocaine Mutiny End Run Patent 4077 Rally 'Round the Flagg, Boys Stars and Stripes Tell It to the Marines Blood Brothers Who Knew? U.N., the Night and the Music

Directed by David Ogden StiersThat Darn Kid Identity Crisis

Directed by Jamie Farr Friends and Enemies

Written by McLean Stevenson The Army-Navy Game The Trial of Henry Blake

Alan Alda's episodes are under the cut, because his section is longer than the rest of the post. Also available in Venn diagram form here.

Written by Alan Alda The Longjohn Flap Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde The Party Hey, Look Me Over

Directed by Alan Alda Mail Call Bulletin Board The Late Captain Pierce Dear Mildred The Kids Dear Ma Margaret's Engagement Exorcism The Billfold Syndrome Major Ego Guerilla My Dreams Yessir, That's Our Baby Father's Day Depressing News Bottoms Up Communication Breakdown Where There's a Will, There's a War

Written and Directed by Alan Alda Dear Sigmund Hepatitis Fallen Idol War of Nerves In Love and War Comrades in Arms Part 1 Comrades in Arms Part 2 Dear Sis Inga Life Time Lend a Hand Dreams The Life You Save Follies of the Living--Concerns of the Dead Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen

[ernieernieboi]

all about ernie!

FULL NAME:  Ernest Eugene Jackson

NICKNAMES: Ernie, DumpsterxBaby666, Count Cockula

AGE: "29" (actually 83)

BIRTHDATE: December 1 0th, 1941

ZODIAC: Sagittarius sun, Aries moon, Leo rising 

SPECIES: Vampire

PLACE OF BIRTH:  Manhattan, New York (raised in Harlem)

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Lunar Cove, Rhode Island

NEIGHBORHOOD: Sunny Harbor

OCCUPATION: Bartender/Twitch Streamer

Character Inspo: Book!Damon Salvatore(The Vampire Diaries), Stewie Griffin (Family Guy), Gengar (Pokemon), and Paddington (Bear).

The most important thing to know about Ernie is that he is a Sagittarius Sun, Aries Moon, Leo Rising. Which is to say that even before he was turned into a Vampire, he was led by the dark side. 

In 1939, Ernie's biological parents, Margaret Rutherford and Ernest Sr, began having an affair. At the time, Margaret was engaged to Dalton Jessup, the successor to his father’s farming company, Jessup Agricultural. Having an affair, especially one that was interracial, ran a huge risk, and would ultimately end in bloodshed. 

The affair was revealed when Dalton heard Ernest Sr. and Margaret after coming home from work one afternoon. Not wanting to lose her meal ticket, and become a social pariah, Margaret threw Ernest under the bus. She claimed she was assaulted, and Ernest was chased down by Connor and some of the men in town and brutally beaten till his last breath.

Margaret remained with Dalton and tried to put what she’d done behind her. She had saved her engagement, and her reputation, and best of all, she was pregnant. She knew in her heart the baby wasn’t Dalton’s, she tried everything in her power to try and get rid of the baby to no avail. 

When a biracial baby was looking back at the both of them the day she had Ernie all hell broke loose. Her husband threatened to divorce her, so they both agreed to leave Ernie in a dumpster outside the hospital. Finally, she had left the remnants of her affair in the past for good -- or so she thought.

Ernest’s baby sister, Mabel, had swooped in once the hospital had found Ernie outside, they contacted her, she went to get him and raised him as her own. 

Ernie was raised in Harlem with his Uncle Bobby and his two cousins, Titus and Alonzo. Since he doesn’t remember a time they were not in his life, he just called them his brothers. They always got into trouble growing up, with Ernie being the ring leader. 

He had no career plans, he only just wanted to have a good time. He just kind of buzzed through life just doing any and everything he found interest in. 

Ernie is a troublemaker. From the fighting throughout grade school, the box of cigarettes or bottle of booze Mabel would find in his room, or the numerous jobs he’d been fired from — he was never one to follow rules. Whatever he wanted to do took precedence, if it made you uncomfortable, then that was a you problem. 

Ralph Middlemas was Ernie’s first love. No, he never told him this, nor did he tell anyone else. They also didn’t actually date. Also, despite the fact that they’ve EXCHANGED BODILY FLUIDS, he tried to act cool and nonchalant around Ralph because he didn’t want to come off too strong. But again, first love! 

When Ernie heard the news that Ralph “died” he fell into a deep depression. Unfortunately for Ernie, it was the 60s and depression hadn’t been invented yet. Thankfully the 70s were just on the horizon and he would seek refuge in COCAINE!! 

In his depressed, coke-induced haze, Ernie sought out answers for what really happened to Ralph. Especially after he noticed strings of mysterious murders that had been happening. Perhaps it was the drugs that gave him foresight, or the burning love he had for Ralph, but he looked all over New York. Going from the morgue he worked at, to hunting down all the people he knew to ask questions that would only lead him to more questions.

Ultimately he ran into Mistress JaCynthia, a landlady who lived in Manhattan. She would tell him everything he wanted to know in regards to Ralph and then some. But in exchange for his life. 

When Ernie was turned, he still had no luck finding Ralph even after leaving New York and taking his search to a National level. In the end, Ernie fell deeper into his depression when he couldn’t find him. He would abruptly stop his search in Missouri where he would decide to settle down … as a heterosexual. 

He married a woman, got a job as a taxidermist, stopped doing coke, and went by the name Cornelius Butterscotch the Third. 

His wife, Polly, had secrets of her own. While Ernie was chasing the past, she was on the run from her past as a Mormon. They became close, so close that he confessed to her that he was a vampire. Instead of being afraid, she wanted in. Per her request, Ernie turned her. For many reasons, Ernie was still doubling down on his heterosexuality, even when the two stopped being intimate just months into their marriage. That was until Bisexual Brandon stepped onto the scene. 

Brandon, their mailman, entered the picture, and though they both began sleeping with him behind each other's backs. The truth came out when Brandon was mauled by a school of hammerhead sharks while on vacation. They noticed both of their reactions were too intense for a guy who was just the mail man and they both realized their slut-atious, backstabbing ways. 

Both thought his death was too far-fetched to be true and they both blamed each other (Ernie believed Polly knew about the affair so she killed Brandon, and vice versa). Tensions built and after numerous fights, they switched from close friends to brutal enemies. So they just... broke up. They never got an official divorce, so legally The Butterscotches are still a thing. Last Ernie checked, his ex-wife ran a Christian Pole Dancing class and is a Speech Pathologist (Which is unfortunate, she should be dead!). For the record Bisexual Brandon was actually killed by hammerhead sharks, it kind of funny that the Ex-Morman Vampire and her Gay Vampire Husband both thought this was completely far-fetched.

After the divorce/breakup, He continued to travel the world, he was hoping to find Ralph hiding out somewhere, but he became more fixated on the world around him. For decades he hopped from place to place letting his insatiable curiosity lead the way. When he heard whispers about hunters at large, he made his way to Lunar Cove. 

ERN-Trivia:

Ernie is a bartender but gets most of his income on Twitch going by the name DumpsterxBaby. He is a rising creator pulling in almost half a million streams weekly. He used to document his travels but these days he talks conspiracy theories. They are never anything he believes, but he likes the rage bait. There is one theory he believes, however. He swears Keanu Reaves and Alexa Demie are fellow vampires, he promises he saw them back in the '70s down at the ice cream shop sharing a banana split. Mind you, this is when he was doing coke. 

He recently went viral for receiving a donation from an anonymous source for $500,000 dollars. He acted surprised on the live but he knew it was coming. After he was turned into a vampire and honed in on his abilities, he sought out his biological mother, Margaret. She and Connor were now married with a son. Ernie began stealing and selling the most valuable items in the FIVE houses she and Connor owned. By the time Ernie was married, he racked up almost a million dollars. 

Going back and forth to the Jessup Household(s) became annoying. Instead, Ernie would compel Connor to begin walking nonstop, specifically walking through all fifty states. He would make it to Maryland before getting hit by an 18-wheeler.

With Connor out of the way, Ernie would target the heir to the corporation (the son), but instead of killing him, he compelled him to give him a bi-annual lump sum of money, every year, until the day he dies. When he does die, he is to give the company to Ernie (BAD IDEA!)

Ernie is terrified of cats. 

Ernie is a troll, he has a lot of free time on his hands. So he is always looking for a way to entertain himself. Usually, that means finding fresh new ways to get on people’s nerves. 

For example, Ernie continues to troll his biological mother. He won't elaborate on this as it would tarnish his fun-loving persona revealing a sinister side that would scare people away. Let's just say Margaret is currently in an insane asylum battling The Night Terrors.

Shortly after his divorce, Ernie made a last-ditch effort to lure in Ralph. He did a short stint as an adult film star, he went by the name Count Cockula. He only did this for about 4 months (he made 2,700 films … no follow-up questions, please).

His followers on Twitch have brought up the resemblance to CC, but Ernie will gaslight them (I don't look like him) or will simply laugh it off. 

He is a strict top (no need to consult with Ralph on this. Just take Ernie’s word.)

Ernie is a flirt. Usually, there is no end goal, nor is any gender safe. He just thinks flirting is fun. Again, he’s a Sagittarius. 

Potential Connections: 

Friends - Ernie is nice, be his fucking friend!

Enemies - Perhaps your character has fallen victim to one of Ernie's games. Or you just don't like his gay ass.

Familiar Face - Ernie has lived many lives, has your chara crossed paths with him once upon a time?

Neighbors- He currently resides in Sunny Harbor so all the SunDawgs(???) feel free to say hi!

+ Any connection is fine, just message for your ideas.

[kittyandco]

YOU HATED CARRIE'S FILM ADAPTATION TOO?? Let's be friends, it's a travesty they changed the ending from the book so much !!!

HOLD ON HOLD ON NOW I DON'T HATE IT I DON'T

y'all listen to me tho: i see so much of my younger self in carrie. she's described as awkward, quiet, chubby, almost grotesque at times, but with the capacity to be beautiful (per the book's framing) if she wasn't a victim of her circumstances. i relate to carrie in many ways, still. that's why i root for her and appreciate her and love her

in my critique i mostly want to focus on her appearance, because it is not trivial or superficial in her case. she was ostracized for being "fat" (she was called a pig because she wasn't skinny, that's why the pig's blood poured on her at the dance specifically was important), for having acne, for dressing too modestly, for looking too severe and like an easy target at the same time.

i understand that it was the 70s and everyone on screen had to be skinny especially if portrayed as sympathetic hell it's still that way in 2023 lmao, and i do like sissy's portrayal of carrie, she's iconic! BUT THOSE ARE IMPORTANT DETAILS, ESPECIALLY TO ME, WHO COULD REALLY RELATE. the things people say to you, the way you are treated -- those things do not leave you for a long time.

of course that isn't the only reason i relate to her, but her appearance was described in detail many times throughout the book. and it all stems from her mother, and the primary plot is the relationship between them.

her mom overfed her on purpose, in part, so that she didn't get attention from men. carrie ate a lot of chocolate and other comfort foods to "fill the gaping hole inside" (or something to that effect), and then she'd notice that she would gain weight and see a new breakout, but she wouldn't care, because she felt hopeless anyway. she wore "unflattering" clothes because of her mother's ideas of modesty and to hide away from the shaming of her peers.

we really don't see any of that in the movie. as someone who used to binge at times like that, who gained a lot of weight due to depression in my younger teens, who didn't want to be seen but couldn't because people would target me and beat me down for YEARS... i could really relate to her that way. and i had no idea because up until 2021, i had only seen the movie (and i loved it, i still like it, but when She's Just Like Me For Real in the book, it's harder to accept some of the film's choices).

body image was a big theme in the book, and i wish that the movie would have explored that more. a lot of time was dedicated to it. carrie constantly lamented over it. i think it would have been more powerful if she looked more like herself on screen, especially to girlies like me

also i don't think margaret was as unhinged as she should have been aljaslksd

[answrs]

odd request from me perhaps, and likely not one that anyone can help with, but does/did anyone who follows me (or maybe in the tags) used to read fic on a doctor who fansite called A Teaspoon and An Open Mind. This would have been around late 00's, probably early-mid '10s.

narrowing down anyone that fits the bill I'm specifically looking for anyone who by chance downloaded or otherwise has a copy of any of the fics by a user that went by MM (I don't know her actual username. one of the M's was likely Margaret, possibly Miriam?)

her works focused on Ten and Donna (almost? she did also love Jack) exclusively, and in one particular fic to fix-it the season 4 finale Donna coughs up a brain, ood-style, which then in turn becomes the original ood hivemind. another involved space whales (though I doubt the illustration I made for her was posted with it, which is probably for the best :') - it was around the time Alpha Sapphire was released and I was a tween so it was very. uh. Heavily Based™ on kyogre, oops.)

anyway after several computers and at least two regretted Delete Everything You've Ever Made Or Enjoyed And Be A Real Adult™ Depressive Episodes, she's been admitting that she wished she had any of her stories left besides a little printed out crack drabble that escaped the shredder the other, chaptered printouts got. I've not been able to find anything with what I've got since I never used the site myself and don't even know more than this. the new specials have brought up the regret feelings again and I'd like to help see if I can do anything for her though.

just putting feelers out in case anyone can help me find them for her, or direct me to like. anything at all. even just a name (of the site, of the username, of the fics, honestly anything) would be appreciated. obviously my bare-bones-at-best info has been... not particularly helpful in finding anything. :<

[feckcops]

Sedated: How Modern Capitalism Created Our Mental Health Crisis – Book Review

“In Sedated, Davies shows that the so-called mental health crisis stems from the assumption that mental illnesses arise within the ‘broken brain’ of an individual sufferer. This is the ‘biochemical model’ of mental illness. In contrast to what many of us assume, the idea that mental illnesses are caused by an imbalance of neurochemicals and can only be treated by using psychotropics like antidepressants, or mood stabilisers or antipsychotics, is a theory that has never been proven. Neither depression nor schizophrenia, neither anxiety nor bipolar disorder, have ever been observed in vivo. No one has ever been able to point to an MRI or CT scan and say, ‘Look! There it is!’

“According to Davies, this is because the biochemical model of mental illness is wrong. He argues that many diagnosed conditions (though in his book he sticks to the example of depression), are not down to malfunctioning grey matter, but are, instead, an understandable reaction to wider societal problems. In Sedated, Davies painstakingly debunks the individual, brain-based view of mental illness and explains why its apparently unquestioned acceptance by the general public as the only means of conceiving human distress should concern us. Not only does our taking this model for granted encourage the administration of potent drugs to those who don’t necessarily need them, it also results in the obfuscation of other plausible sources of hardship such as poverty, discrimination, loneliness, and environmental factors such as pollution. These are undoubtedly complex and more challenging to tackle than the comparably simple option of taking a pill every day. Pharmaceutical companies created the narrative of the broken brain to profit from them, and most governments of industrialised countries went along with it.

“This wider discussion about how business, economics, and politics shaped psychiatry and vice versa is central to the main thrust of Sedated. Through the course of the book, Davies plots developments in psychiatry against those in the UK’s social, political, and economic spheres in order to demonstrate how the neoliberal, uber self-reliant free-market nurtured by Margaret Thatcher’s government of the 1980s has shaped how we understand mental wellness and illness, as well as ourselves, right up to the present day: ‘By putting economic servitude before real individual health and flourishing, our priorities have become dramatically and dangerously misplaced, and more suffering, paradoxically, has been the unhappy result’. A key takeaway from this well-evidenced historical analysis is that the issues with our mental health system are deeply entrenched; simply throwing more money at the situation, by funding more facilities and professionals, will merely perpetuate the same ‘failing approach’.”

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

Updated recommendation of mash episodes to watch for people who don’t want to go through the whole thing. I recommend all of them bc I am going for the general tone of the show and characters but will mark the ones that get mentioned later as plot relevant with a *

This goes out to an anon who asked me which episodes to watch over a year ago when I had barely watched any myself. Now I’ve seen it all and can answer honestly.

Also note the show has a lot of goofy A plot serious B plot so try and stick the episodes out in case you aren’t seeing the relevant one.

S1

Yankee Doodle doctor

Tuttle

Sometimes you hear the bullet

Ceasefire

S2

Radars report

Dr pierce and mr Hyde

Kim

Lip

Deal me out

George

Mail call

S3

OR

Springtime

Check up

Alcoholics unanimous

Adams ribs

Bombed

The consultant

Aid station

Love and marriage

Abyssinia Henry*

S4

Welcome to Korea 1/2*

Change of command*

It happened one night

The late captain pierce

Dear Mildred

The kids

Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?

Dear Peggy

Mail call again

Dear ma

Hawkeye

Deluge

The interview

S5

Bug out 1/2

Margaret’s engagement *

Out of sight out of mind

The nurses * (kind of plot relevant? It’s the turning point for margret becoming more sympathetic so while the episode itself doesn’t get mentioned again it’s imperative to understanding her more so than any other episode focusing on a single character)

The abduction of margret houlinhan

Dear sigmund

Mulcahys war

The Korean surgeon

Hawkeye get your gun

Hawks nightmare

End run

Hanky panky

Post op

Margrets marriage *

S6

Fade out fade in*

Fallen idol

War of nerves

What’s up doc

Dr Winchester and Mr Hyde

S7

Peace on us

Dear comrade

An eye for a tooth

Dear sis

Inga. Listen. Does it have a lot to do with the horrors of war or characterization? No. Does it say fuck womanizing and also canonize Hawkeye as a bottom? Yeah.

Hot lips is back in town

Cave

Rally round the Flagg boys

Preventative Medicine

Ain’t love grand

The party

S8

Too many cooks

Are you now Margret

Guerrilla my dreams

Goodbye Radar*

Period of adjustment

The yalu brick road

Lifetime

Stars and Stripes

Yessir that’s my baby

Bottle fatigue

Heal thyself

Morale victory

Dreams

War Co-Respondent

S9

Best of enemies

Letters

Father’s Day

Death takes a holiday

No sweat

Depressing news

No laughing matter

Oh how we danced

Bottoms up

Bless you Hawkeye

Blood brothers

The life you save

S10

Follies of the living concerns of the dead

Birthday girls

A holy mess

The tooth shall set you free

Pressure points

Where there’s a will there’s a war

Sons and Bowlers

Picture this

S11

Hey look me over

Trick or treatment.

Who knew

Bombshells

Settling debts

Run for the money

As time goes by

Goodbye, farewell, amen*

[sexpistolsarchive]

Paul Cook’s mum interview for the Daily Mail after the Bill Grundy incident (1976).

[Image ID: On the left the title reads ‘My Paul the punk, by his mother’. Then continues:

The punk rock drummer Paul Cook may be in for a rotten suprise next week.

When he returns home from a somewhat disrupted tour, he is likely to find he’s no longer welcome.

For his mother, 44-year-old Mrs Sylvia Cook, is heartily fed up with Punk Rock in general and the Sex Pistols pop group in particular.

“For four years my bedroom has been full of drums” she said yesterday at her [illegible] two-down council house in Hammersmith.

“I wouldn’t mind if he played tunes, but it’s just bang bang bang. My hall is full of Sex Pistols’ dirty washing and my husband has temporarily left house because he can’t stand the rows. It’s rotten. The Sex Pistols don’t believe in anyone giving them advice, especially mothers and fathers. I’m going to make a very nice little dining-room out of Paul’s bedroom. I don’t think I really want him back.”

On the right, the subtitle reads ‘Loutish’. And underneath that:

Mrs Cook is not suprised that The Sex Pistols’ swearing loutishness on TV caused such storm and led to the cancellation of many tour bookings. In fact, after finding the  group’s singer, Johnny Rotten, in her house one day, nothing suprises her.

“I found him sleeping in the wrong end of Paul’s bed. I don’t quite know what I’d found, because his hair was multi-coloured, mainly ginger. When he got dressed he was smothered with safety pins, [illegible] dummy round his neck and a razor blade. After he’d been around a I used to tell my husband that it wasn’t suprising he couldn’t get any pins to eat his winkles because Johnny Rotten had them all. We all had a say in calling him Johnny Rotten, because his teeth were all green and decayed.”

Mind you, says Mrs Cook, Johnny Rotten never swore at her.

“He was a very quiet boy... depressing looking. He never ate much and used to sit on the step in the back kitchen.”

As for 20-year-old Paul, she thinks he takes his musical talent from her side of the family.

“His great-grandmother, who’s now 89, plays the piano and I’m quite a singer myself round in the pub”

Even when he was very small he used to play the biscuit tins.

“I’ve asked the band to play for me at parties, but they refuse. They say I’m old fashioned.”

Now Mrs Cook is off to Ramsgate with her 13-year-old daughter, Margaret, to spend a quiet Christmas away from the pressures of Punk Rock.

Had she bought a present for her son perhaps?

Mrs Cook was not amused.

“What I feel like giving him for Christmas is a punch on the nose.” she said. END]

[felixthefish]

after replaying aaf for the thousand time, ive finally decided to write this down cause on god this game makes me rethink everything everytime i replay it. i really wish we could have something similar to higurashis or uminekos 'answer arcs' or just answers to some crucial questions that we still don't have an answer to. and im talking about questions which are actually important to helping us discover the full picture. the cutscene we see at the end which reveals which characters are which just isn't enough, i mean everyone can put two and two together and find out which souls inhabit which character because of the clues we get within the gameplay. i mean we're literally getting introduced to a whole new set of characters in chapter 2 without even knowing the base info about our main cast.

honestly there are so many to the point i dont know where to start, like first of all what were the relationships between the characters like before they got inhabited by the eastwood souls. did they also act the same way they do now with andy before and if they did what is the reason for that? and now that they have been inhabited by the souls will they still act the same with each other? or would it impact their relationships? and most importantly how would it impact their mental health? and since we're on the topic of mental health, how is andy doing now after everything he's seen (peter, the entity, the glitches, louis's body etc,,). what about the eastwoods? after everything that's happened they must be traumatized and even depressed, especially louis since he's been in the game the longest. also in the halloween special melody accidentally calls margaret 'mom'. does that imply that isabella is directly controlling melody? and if so is isabella aware of the other souls inhabiting the characters. or did melody and margaret have a mother-daughter relationship before they got inhabited? and IF the eastwoods are directly controlling the characters, why don't they just talk with each other like they normally would? after all there's no need for any of them to keep up the video game character facade if the others know who is truly inhabiting the character. and my most important question

what was peter's role in the story BEFORE he got controlled by the entity? would his role be similar to a father figure to the main cast? considering he looks older than them (appearance wise he looks older for example the eyebags he has + his voice is way deeper). also what is his relationship with andy as of now considering everything he's done to him? alright i want to cut this short so here are last few question, is everyone else aware of the glitches or can only andy see them? if they can see them why don't they react to them? are they the ones causing them or is the entity causing them? and if the entity IS the one causing them, why aren't they concerned about them?

wow this is long,,, hope you enjoyed me rambling.

[ryanstillwrites-if]

2 and 12 for the romanticism ask?

i'm so glad you asked. since you weren't specific with characters, i'm just going to give you all of them.

2. What does your OCs handwriting look like? 

12. What is their character theme song and why? If it has lyrics, which line best fits them?

Adelaide: runaway by avril lavigne. this song is about having a bad day and doing what you can to make yourself feel better. this fits Adelaide because she's not having a bad day, she's having a bad life and she will say or do anything she pleases, if it'll make her feel even a fraction better. the most fitting lyrics are from the first verse: "you can't kick me down, i'm already on the ground. no, you can't 'cause you couldn't catch me anyhow."

Hayden: don't stop me now by queen. as the happiest person alive, this song fits Hayden to a tee. the song was written while Freddie Mercury was in his prime, the band itself had and were currently releasing many hit songs and this song represents them not wanting their exhilarating fun and success to ever end. the same goes for Hayden; they might not have a fully functioning heart but they're happy with the way their life is and they're going to have as much fun as they can, no matter who tries to stop them. what lyrics are more fitting than the chorus itself: "(don't stop me now) i'm having such a good time, i'm having a ball."

Gabriel: how soon is now by the smiths. the whole song deals with being human and trying to find love, which is what Gabriel wants most before he dies. he resonates a lot with the narrator who in the very first verse speaks of his shyness and how its affected the way people see and treat him, which is probably why those are the lyrics that fit him the best. "i am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar, i am the son and heir of nothing in particular."

Jordan: how can i make it okay by wolf alice. this song is about a person experiencing anxiety is doing new things and opening up about their feelings and insecurities but the narrator continually reassures them that they love them and will be there for them. as a therapist, this is essentially Jordan's everyday life and they wouldn't change it for anything. they love their job and they love helping people, especially everyone in the support group. "i just want to make you happy, how can i make it okay? nothing else is as important as that to me."

Mavis/Maverick: is there something that i missed by spinn. the main theme of the song is about wanting to be in a better place or situation than you're in currently and how you can never truly be content in life. this is very much true for M, they're not satisfied with their life and yet it's everything they imagined for themself five or ten years prior. the most fitting lyrics come from the chorus: "there must be something more than this and i need it, i need it. there must be something more than this; i don't see it, don't feel it."

Kade: mononokay by sorority noise. this song is all about struggling with mental illness and the recovery process. the narrator talks of his struggle with depression and anxiety, and if he even remembers what happiness feels like, as well as how these feelings have affected his relationships with other people. Kade struggles a lot with his cancer coming back and he doesn't know how to handle it, and he also deals with his own depression because of it. simply put, Kade isn't doing well, mentally or physically, and he doesn't know how to fix it - or if it's even worth fixing. the lyrics that fit him best come from the second verse: "Call me depressed and tell me to get over it, it's not in my head and it's in my blood."

Margaret: girls just want to have fun by cyndi lauper. Margaret's lived a long life and now, she just wants to have fun. do i even need to tell you which lyrics are most fitting?

[waeirfaahl]

The absent identity and face of the High Priestess issue

In my previous post I already discussed about every problem of this character and her followers/tribe/servants. No motivation, no goal, no personality, no explanation of who they are, where they came from and what they want. Absolutely unexplained and random fangirls, who literally caused the entire 5 season.  Keep in mind that the cult queen a.k.a. the high priestess is the most cruel and f*cked up character in the entire show. If you merge Zira from “The Lion King: Simba’s Pride” and Margaret White from “Carrie” into one being, you will get this psychopath bitch. Here I’ll talk about one moment I can’t understand why it was written and presented this way.

Look at this sequence, how they dress her up and put a mask on her face.

Also notice that the mask and the crown are the two separate accessories:

Did you notice something? First of all, why their masks resemble a geisha face? Second, why the colors of the masks of these worshipers and the seven sisters remind Yin-Yang thing? One half is darker, another one is lighter. And third — why this entire scene teases like “Look at how she hides her face and identity, the mystery and very important character with big role”, if in the end neither her identity nor her face were revealed? I’m not joking, the 1 episode throws the intrigue about her, but other episodes give nothing. So, what’s a point of such focusing on hiding her face in this sequence?

Look at this now. In Aku’s assumption scene she still has no face. Moreover, the mask itself with horns, i.e. not the crown and the mask. So, is it a blooper or it is another proof that Aku knows nothing about her and her followers, i.e. he never saw her face and never knew her identity, and literally left his blood for absolutely random women for absolutely no reason? I've lost count of how many times 5 season has already turned Aku into an irresponsible idiot. Might I remind you, Aku ignored Jack all these 50 years and just waited his death. And he always used robots and demons against Jack (once Imakandi warriors). Although, much more effective way for Jack’s death would be creating some inner demons-illusions out of Jack’s negative emotions like despair, depression and guilt (Aku did that in classic episode, creating Jack’s evil self out of his fury)

Unfortunately, even in animatic of 9 episode we can’t see her face. But, at least, here she took off only her mask, while the crown is still on her head. And, at least, in animatic she drinks among her followers. Why the final version created the blooper with the horned mask, I have no idea. If in animatic for 10 episode Jack’s parents were old and grey-haired, I’ll laugh, ‘cause the final version again made a huge blooper.

Working on the cancelled animated movie with the same story, Genndy wanted the new villain, while Aku already was killed off-screen even before events of the movie. Probably exactly she was this new main villain. If Aku died, then in such conditions it would be understandable for a fanatical cult to appear — well, you know, a gang of so-called nostalgic zealots for the deceased dictator, who wish either to bring him back to life and restore order due to the anarchy and power struggle that has come, or to finish his desire in the form of Jack's murder and to rule the planet themselves or whatever. And in such conditions there would be an explanation and a sense of why she always told her daughters that Aku is a god and a patron, and Jack is the pure evil. And since we’d know her motivation and goal, there would be no need to show her face. She would perfectly work both as a symbol of fanaticism and as a character with own personality and motivation and goal. In 5 season she, her followers and daughters have absolutely no relatioships with Aku whatsoever and can’t have at all.

[angel-lopes2000]

Theory: 3 Women is an unofficial sequel to Carrie & The Shining.

(Please, don't take this shit seriously. It's just for fun 😂)

(3 women cover, released in 1977 and directed by Robert Altman)

So, last year - after I finished to watch Carrie, I had excited to meet (and re-meet) more Sissy's works during 1970s. And one of her works that got me attrached beyond "Prime Cut", it was "3 Women" by Robert Altman. And besides having Sissy Spacek, my other surprise is to know that Shelley Duvall (Wendy from The Shining) also played this movie - and it was 3 years before "The Shining". And since then, my mind blowed because after seeing these two talented actresses playing together, I felt as I was seeing Carrie and Wendy - and both of these characters were also from Stephen King' books, which made me think as 3 Women was like "Carrie and The Shining crossover". And here's where the theory was born:

3 Women happens after Carrie and The Shining's events. All of us remember how did those movies ended, right?

In "Carrie", after murdering most students during prom, Carrie walked home, saw her mother, she was backstabbed and she kills her mother and then, the house collapses and both Carrie and Margaret dies.

While in "The Shining", After finding her younger son Danny, Wendy reunites to her son and both escaped from hotel, leaving Jack to freeze to death.

"And where do 3 Women fit in both these movies?" You wonder me. So, here's my theory:

Years had passed after Wendy and Danny escaped from the hotel, both of them have terrible memories about their past, especially Wendy about being chased by her ex-husband Jack, trying to break the door with a heavy axe. Danny grew up and had age enough to live as a normal citizen and moved to another city, the same happened to Wendy. So, she took her suitcases and moved to a small California town as a way to have her "new beginning" and recover from abuse and all nightmares she've experienced. And as a way to forget stuff, she decided to change her name to ''Millie'' and now, she works to a health spa, caring to elder people and changed even her clothes and personality, turning more outgoing and excessively talkative - in a try to get a new social-life. (Things that she've never got before, duo Jack's alchohol' issues and his abuse towards his son and a failed marriage previously.) And this was Wendy's ending after The Shining.

While Carrie, she've survived the house's collapse miraculously. As God gave that poor girl a new life-chance, so the girl crawled out from all those mess but she've escaped from Chamberlain town, once the police could looking for her. So, Carrie walked away, living as a fugitive and taking rides to escape from her past (like Wendy after the hotel and abusive marriage). But during a ride, a truck driver recognized her and tried to call police and Carrie used her powers as her defense, the truck driver dies and Carrie got terrified for hurt a person again. Highly depressed, starving, weak, lost and homeless, Carrie tried to give up from her life, so she walked to the most highest top and jumped away... But once again, she didn't die - but lost all her memories, instead. She was almost going to death when a humble Texan elderly couple found her and cared of her, adopting as their daughter. Carrie had been raised for some days by those elderly couple that cared, giving her right feed to get her more proteins and strenght enough that she had missing since her first years living with Margaret. Carrie's adoptive mother named the girl as "Mildred" but once the girl developed a like for everything in pink color - she nicknamed affectionately as "Pinky Rose". And this was Carrie's ending after Chamberlain's events.

Once Carrie showed to be responsible enough to live by herself, she moved to California town, looking for a part-time job and then, she got to be contracted to work at the same health spa that ''Millie'' works, then she meets Millie and got to close to.

Evidences that show Carrie's consequences from her previous to newer life with Millie (Wendy).

When Millie takes Pinky to a tavern to drink some beer, it is shown that Carrie never experienced any kind of these liquid - thanks to her religious mother' traits, where Carrie/Pinky were prevented to get a normal life for everything being sinful, according to Margaret.

Pinky's reactions is always like a real excited child - she's always grinning, goofing around as making bubbles to a cola or playing with a wheelchair, showing us that inside, she's still a naive and innocent girl as Carrie always had been. Her maturing had been ruined since Margaret even never told her how a period worked, thing that was completely normal to the feminine' nature. Making Carrie to be embarassed and humiliated while other girls that should explain her, chose to just throw her pads because ''this was more funny than helping a needing and scared girl that really didn't know what was happening.".

In the end, after Pinky recovered from coma and changed personalities to Millie - it's like Millie turned her own mother. Let's not forget that 3 Women ended to Pinky, Millie and Willie living together as a ''new family'' from a grandma, a mother and a daughter.

These poor lifes had a darker backstory, leading with abuse and a lot of shit, and this why they met together coincidentally. They had been hurt and broken from disturbed people that should given them love and caring and they had nothing than violence and traumas.

So, Carrie and Wendy met and lived together and they ended, killing their past and going up to a new life. Free of violence and any mistreatment.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Non Youtuber AU (5) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four

Anything for a taste (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Phil has been a TA for the last few years while completing his PhD, which has mostly consisted of paperwork and covering the occasional seminar, but in all that time he can't remember taking notice of any student in particular.

That is, until Daniel Howell walks into the second class of term wearing a ripped shirt that hangs off one shoulder, the delicate curve of his collarbone exposed to the hush of the room.

Then Phil is a goner.

Caller Unknown (ao3) - Marranje

Summary: “Well, can I scam you?”

Dan blinked.

What.

“Did you… did you just ask if you could scam me?”

“Yes. Can I scam you?” he repeated.

“… sure, you can try,” Dan replied, baffled.

or, that scam caller au nobody asked for

Change Will Come (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Dan’s a depressed university student. Phil’s just a cute coffee shop barista who writes notes on Dan’s hot chocolates.

Don't need to know your name. (ao3) - Septic84

Summary: A Thursday tradition changes much to Phil's surprise and it leads to wonderful things down the road.

fade to black (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: That’s the thing about Phil. He’s a tease.

or

films, flirting, and other things that start with f.

Falling In Love With The Enemy - dxnhowell

Summary: punk!phil gets dared by Chris to ask rich!dan out. They hate each other and Phil doesn’t want to do the dare but he loves challenges. He only has two weeks until the deadline to make Dan fall in love with him.

Flore Luna (ao3) - strawberrysunflower

Summary: It’s been eighteen months since Dan returned to the Wizarding world, and he’s making real strides. He’s living in his own tiny studio flat. He has a job in a failing bookshop. He’s relearning spells that kids as young as eleven have already mastered.

And he’s developed an unhealthy grudge on the irritating, black-haired florist across the alley.

Gathering Threads - lestericalphan

Summary: Miloria is changing: Louise is now finding herself in charge of a kingdom, Dan has been having strange dreams about a boy who later shows up on his doorstep along with the King of the East Crest, and Jack is now having to look after both Darcy and her Mother.

But magic is stirring again after centuries asleep and the Gods seem to be contently watching as power shifts from head to head.

give this thing a try (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan is a cashier at a grocery store, and Phil is his supervisor. One evening at work, Phil surprises Dan by asking him out on a date, and of course Dan, who's had a crush on Phil since forever, says yes. Cue, the freaking out and comfort ensues.

Home - placingglaciers

Summary: What do you get when you cross a troubled runaway with a lost photographer? A mess, that's what.

i want the life i never had (ao3) - bugselfs

Summary: “I’m nervous,” she admits. “But it’ll be okay, right?”

Dan smiles at her. “Of course it will,” he promises. “And if everyone hates you and you have no friends because your old ones have all left you for the popular kids, you’ll still have me. And Miss Margaret.”

“Oh, great,” Sophia says dryly, cutting into her breakfast. “Good to know my only friends will be my geeky dad and the crazy cat lady that lives next door.”

“We don’t say crazy, Sophia. She’s eccentric.”

POV: Your 11 year old daughter wants to see the penguins but you just want to stare at the guy feeding them.

it comes in waves (ao3) - sadlybunny

Summary: Dan trembles in his seat. “And- and what shall I call you?”

He moves his thumb to grip at Dan’s chin roughly. “Captain.” His face inches closer. “Or on very special occasions, Captain Lester, sir.”

It’s 1728 in Port Royal, Jamaica. Daniel Howell, the son of Governor Howell, is engaged to be married to a woman he has never met. The night of their betrothal, Daniel is kidnapped by swashbuckling pirate captain, Philip Lester. As Dan learns about pirate life on the Liberty Galley, he discovers things about himself that he never knew before. Maybe he doesn’t want to return to his father, after all.

Midnight Garden (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: He who plants a garden plants happiness.

In which Phil is a gardener at the palace and Dan is a reclusive prince.

No Man Is An Island (ao3) - strawberrysunflower

Summary: While drunk and desperate to get away from the creatively-stifling hubbub of London, Dan rents a farmhouse on the Isle of Man for four weeks to finish writing his latest book. All he wants is silence. Peace. Solitude.

Then he meets Phil, the farm owners’ dorky, clumsy, stupidly handsome son.

No One Less Than Perfect (ao3) - CanDanAndPhilNot (enbycalhoun)

Summary: Dan doesn't mind being a single father to his four-year-old Elizabeth, but sometimes he gets lonely. The problem is, he won't settle for anyone who is less than perfect. So maybe, he might just ask Elizabeth's (and maybe his) favorite Daycare worker, Phil on a date.

Of Paparazzi and Succulents - botanistlester

Summary: Actor!Dan is running away from a mob of fans when he runs into a flower shop. There, he meets a quirky florist who has an absurd liking towards succulents, seeming to think they have

Our House (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Enemy is a harsh word. Rival sounds so immature, like Dan’s the star of some teen drama on Netflix. Competition is close, but not quite there.

In simple terms, Dan has a distaste for Phil Lester. Otherwise known as AmazingPhil in their line of business, for some reason that’s beyond Dan. What makes him so amazing anyway?

There’s a reason the network wanted Daniel Howell and Phil Lester for this specific series, and Dan guesses there’s really only one way to find out that answer.

or

And they were co-hosts. Oh my god they were co-hosts.

Sail Away With Me (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: It was a fluke. Dan shouldn’t have ever gone with Sam to a party on a yacht. He shouldn’t have trusted her to go. But in a chance encounter, he ends up in bed with Phil Lester, a billionaire CEO of a luxury clothing company. When he thinks he’s screwed up enough, he realizes he’s in way too deep. Because Phil Lester has fallen in love with him. The catch: Dan gave Phil a fake name and all Phil has to remember Dan by is the tattoo on his hip and the necklace he left behind.

scratch bark bite (oh, love me, i lied) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Music & Drama teacher Dan Howell has a well-known rivalry with his coworker, English teacher Phil Lester.

An unforeseen event flips everything Dan thought he knew about Phil and himself on its head. Slowly but surely, the grudge withers, and the two of them cross the line between enemy and friend. But what will happen when their true intents and feelings get revealed? And was what they had ever really a rivalry? Was it even mutual?

"Seriously?" (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan and Phil meet while candle shopping and one of them can't help but comment on how obnoxious/boring/etc the scents the other one is picking out are

-

the time Phil met a totally-not-handsome stranger and only sort-of wished they'd never meet again. Tough luck?

Song Stuck In My Head - xinyanhowell

Summary: Phil’s best friend is getting married. How can one song change so many lives forever?

Stardust - brerediddy

Summary: HS AU. Dan is not a writer. Dan just likes to look at the stars and listen to the river move and hang out with his best friend Phil. He’s not a writer, but somehow, writing changes everything.

The Other Side Of The Counter (ao3) - CanDanAndPhilNot (enbycalhoun)

Summary: Dan needs to stop pining after his bartender, Phil. Maybe another Tinder date will help. Probably not, but he can hope.

The River (ao3) - Portia331

Summary: Dan arrived in Melbourne two weeks ago with just one suitcase crammed with running gear, psychology textbooks, and a mere fraction of his wardrobe especially curated to fit both his aesthetic and the Melbourne weather.

He's about to start in the role of a lifetime on a 12 month contract, but he's barely ready for the Australian summer heat, let alone what the world is about to throw at him.