#it's either they were perfect and did nothing wrong or they were evil the entire time with the worst intentions and i'm just. tired lol

[theghostofashton]

something to be said about how easily characters of color have their trauma diminished. how swiftly and thoughtlessly people decide that it is inconvenient or burdensome, to have to consider, to have to care about the way a character of color's life experience and trauma may have affected their decision making. how characters of color either have their trauma sanitized or disregarded and how both serve the ultimate goal of diminishing it. diminishing the reality of non-palatable reactions to trauma, the possibility that it may affect their behavior in ways that are seemingly obvious when talking about white characters. characters of color are either perfect angels who can't be flawed and will never do a thing wrong or evil villains with malicious intentions solely existing to cause problems. never real, never human, either examples of what to be or what not to be. it's exhausting.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Ketheric continues to be the member of the Chosen I struggle to get a grip on. Like the other three I can tell you the details of why (I think) they grew up to monsters:

Long post.

-

Let's start with Gortash: spent his childhood being told he was a selfish monster for his thoughts - apparently from birth - for the way he perceived the world, for *checks notes* wanting his parents attention as an undeveloped human being that relies on its parents to survive and thrive.

Then his parents send him to hell as part of a deal. Because that's where monsters go isn't it? They go to hell to suffer eternal damnation because they were monsters in life.

So you grow up in one of the literal cesspits of the universe, where the only people you meet are the literal scum of the universe, or those you're going to learn to see as weak fools who had to rely on others - and were ultimately willing to commit atrocities themselves - who were taken advantage of by the scum of the universe. You get to the Hells by committing atrocities, either because you want something so badly you'll fuck somebody over for it (out of greed, or because you couldn't fix it yourself (weak)) or because you did them of your own volition. And curiously, some of these people had their price tags wrapped in such subtle terms they don't even realise they did anything wrong! Lesson learned; anyone will willingly be a monster if you make the evil sound nice. Every single devil you meet has had the humanity flayed from their soul, and they got to where they are in their existences by fomenting (and committing) hate and rape and murder and everything evil under the sun as a regular Monday morning in the ultimate goal to make the universe an evil place. Devils are also 'self made men', everybody started from nothing as a lemure and clawed their way to where they are now. Every social interaction in the Hells is manipulation and abuse. Everyone there hurts everyone.

But you do have one example of a good person! There's Hope! Lovely lady, kind and sweet... Trapped in hell being abused forever going insane because of it because your ambitious sister fucked you over. That's where trust and love being a good person gets you.

And that was his entire social life. That was the people he had to look to for examples. All his early experiences were limited to a sample of the absolute worst it has to offer, and he has a very skewed view of the universe.

And the fact that he's apparently so damn good at sex a lady gave him a ring worth everything she owns after growing up around a pleasure devil whose role is harming and corrupting people with sex and has built in charm person at etc is not ringing alarm bells(!) I'm not side-eyeing the boudoir at all.

I wonder why having a child/teen spend their formative years in the evil factory literally designed to spit out monsters... spat out a monster? Kudos to Karlach, though: just how many layers of defence mechanisms has she got in her brain?

Gortash's thought processes are 50% through the lens of engineering and 50% through the lens of a devil's perspective to me. People will sell out others for their own gain, because they're too weak to do it themselves or because they're bastards. If you don't get with the programme you're the victim. You only get ahead by being ruthless. Everybody is untrustworthy, and relying on them will get you betrayed. The world is divided into the weak and the ruthlessly strong who take what they want. Yes, he's a monster. And so are his parents. And so is everyone. And then Bane saw this perfect example of his way of thinking and said 'that one.'

-

Orin: obviously we've got grooming. The fact that her formative memories include her mother trying to murder her, and the fact that she feels like the only person who has ever cared about her or supported her is her grandfather. Who is implied to have been raping her, or intending to. All she's permitted is to have her brain poisoned by her faith, which her life revolves around, and then her kin 'does it all wrong' and inherits everything she's been groomed to believe is hers. But no, 'they're not wrong,' says everybody around her 'you are!'

She's a Bhaalspawn, so her relationships with her kin are "kill or be killed," as Helena proved. You will please father by slaughtering your siblings, or you will die - or worse. You must be and stay favoured by Bhaal above all the others to be truly safe ("safe"), and Durge outranking her is a threat to her existence. Actually Durge existing is a threat to her well-being. She has no way to live a life outside the cult, never has and never will. Her life is insanely lonely and mostly consists of paranoia.

But the overlaying theme here is that she's a changeling. She's mirrorkin with no unique physical identity of her own, she can only reflect those of others. To be dnd canon accurate: she has no real facial features, no pigmentation. She's not permitted an identity of her own, and was punished for trying. She's a mirror born and raised to reflect the glory of Bhaal, the glory of her failed grandfather, the rise of Bhaal's favourite child. Never her own. Gee, I wonder why she literally wears people's skins.

Denied the ability to do anything but live according to what she's told, she does her best to live up to it because to fail is to become her parents and the countless aunts and uncles currently enjoying their damnation in the Throne of Blood. And then she's told she's doing it wrong. By everybody. She's a 'rabid dog'. She, despite having doctrine poured into her ears and probably carved into her flesh her entire life 'doesn't understand Bhaal.' And everybody is insanely patronising about it! You're never allowed to be anything but what we tell you to be, but you're still not good enough! Which is death. The Temple of Bhaal needs murder feminism.

-

The Dark Urge is my favourite little nightmare, and I've talked about them at length: much of Orin's trauma also applies to them, although where she's a mirror made to reflect the egos of others, Durge is only allowed one identity: Bhaal's. Where Orin can never seem to reach the standards forced on her, Durge is never allowed to fail to meet them, or else. Every outside connection they ever had was brutally sabotaged, and they've had 'you're a monster and only I (your abusive Father) can love you' drilled into their mind. They hate themself. We got the threat of sexual exploitation (assuming it didn't happen), there's a subtle undercurrent of incest to some interactions. The prayer for forgiveness kind of sums it all up: 'I'm sorry for forming an emotional connection that isn't blind love for you father, but don't fret, I'll destroy it with my own hands just like everything else and then finally get to kill myself just like I've always wanted.'

-

But Ketheric? Like villains don't need tragic backstories to be terrible people, but it does make them more interesting.

OK, so your bio family is fucked up and I definitely get the impression that they sucked (Malus is giving me vibes that say he'd have been a villain anyway, and might've been secretly Sharran to start with; Gerringothe seems to be drowning whatever her issues are in gold), and then the loving family you made for yourself broke: your wife died, and your daughter died, sure. But plenty of people on Toril probably have similar if not the same stories and didn't go evil overlord! Why are you doing this? What is informing these decisions? Why does your existence hinge so much on your dead daughter that your son is basically named after her and you seem to hate him for existing and not being her? Does Shar have something to do with it? Has Ketheric just carved out so much memory and emotion, so much of his own identity, that all that's left is the grief and the hunger for the pain to stop but, as per Shar's intent, it keeps coming back, with less and less positive memories to soften the pain. A wound that festers and never heals. Is the obsession with Isobel because she's the icon of everything that was good in his life, and her loss was the moment everything good was gone? Was he a rational man who turned to Shar to stop the pain in a moment of understandable grief and rage at her sister, and then was trapped in a cycle that destroyed everything that was good in that man until we get the General?

Just guess working my way through his entire backstory...

[klemsk-a]

TL;DR

S2a undermines the concept of redemption so badly it makes me want to cry.

Megatron changing for the better is interesting because it’s complicated. He used to be a warlord, a tyrant, people suffered directly as a consequence of his actions. Unfortunately ES fails to show us these consequences. The closes we have are Starscreams words and that is far from showing us anything.

There are no flashbacks, no actual conversations. Nothing but the present and most of it is from childrens perspective.

This lack of nuance is frustrating. For all we know Megatron might’ve acted exactly the same, but changed factions therefore he is a good guy know.

And this “autobots = good, decepticons = bad” morality is so on the nose in s2a it’s actually kind of pathetic.

The new season needed a villain, and all the hatred for cybertronians apparently evaporated (everybody else just had a change of heart ig and the only 2 people who actually disliked them are dead) and the cons were “always” bad so it doesn’t matter.

It allows the writers not to think about Megatron and problems accompanying his redemption because his victims are terrible so… it’s all fine, don’t worry 👍.

Perhaps it isn’t this way and I majorly misinterpreted the show.

The existence of the chaos terrans really makes me doubt it tho. It also makes me incredibly mad.

Aftermath literally comes into existence, has no idea what’s going on, who is everyone and they’re all fighting. So he does too. And immediately gets called terrible, basically the evil version of the terrans.

WHAT KIND OF MESSAGES IS THAT?

That because you aren’t from a perfect family you’re evil? That is what I got out of it.

Terrans = whole Emberstone = good

Chaos terrans = broken Emberstone = bad

For a show about acceptance and empathy that is a terrible plot point 😀

The episode with Aftermath and Jawbreaker (was extremely boring imo but that’s not important) gives you the impression they’re going to further develop Aftermath. Have him questioning orders and thinking about his choices. But no, he STOLE the entire water from a cave in one tank (how did he even manage???)

Spitfire is an even worse example.

On her first day alive, she gets told that if she wins a race she gets to go on an autobot mission.

She wins, by endangering Alex, and they tell her she won’t get the reword. It’s all understandable but the writers clearly don’t know anything about raising children or children in general.

Yes Spitfire did a bad thing and has to be taught that her behaviour was bad. No they cannot be mad at her for not immediately understanding and agreeing with them. That’s why children (especially toddlers) are infuriating. They don’t know better so you have to teach them, but they will find a loophole to help them get what they want (obviously depends on a child but we are rolling with Spitfires personality). Now depending on what they’ve done to get to it you either reward them or punish them. Because they don’t necessarily understand what they did wrong, even if it’s obvious to you, it can be hard to explain in a way that satisfies a child.

Spitfire lashing out and attacking Twitch is common for kids who believe that someone got something they deserved. It’s especially common if a kid has problems with aggression.

That could’ve been an interesting character development and a good message. Sometimes children won’t be easy to deal with (as all the terrans are, sure they can make bad decisions but ultimately they don’t cause much problems), sometimes they have unpleasant personalities or behavioural problems but it doesn’t make them evil. Being there and loving a child isn’t enough to raise them, discipline is needed and so is patience.

But no.

Aftermath and Spitfire are chaos terrans so they are evil by proxy. Too bad lol.

Twitch and Thrash needed to learn everything. So did Nightshade, Hashtag and Jawbreaker. There was a great deal about self discovery.

Aftermath and Spitfire already have alt modes (at least Spitfire I don’t actually remember Aftermath) and they are just terrible, no good people.

Case closed, problem solved.

Oh. And then they died so…

Unlucky 🤷‍♀️

Redemption in media, especially kids media is important. It sends a message that you can in fact mess up in life, make a couple (hundreds) of mistakes and still come out on top.

But redemption is earned, and it can be (and often is) hard to changed for the better (as opposed to changing for worse).

You shouldn’t change for those you have hurt but so it won’t happen again, so you won’t hurt others again.

Some will come back, some will not.

It IS important that you try nonetheless.

Because no matter what explaining isn’t excusing and no one is born evil.

This show is so FRUSTRATING to me because I cared, and still do obviously (I wrote two versions of this but accidentally deleted the first one so had to write one again).

I really hope S2b will be back on track about acceptance and redemption.

I think Starscream deserved better but sincerely hope they (autobots) will get a hold of him, and him and Megatron will actually talk.

At least let Starscream have his father-daughter relationship with Hashtag, please 🙏.

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

Jonathan Sims

Half the fandom will vilify him and call him stupid or an irredeemable monster for his choices, which he made because he was a little sneaky. The other half will woobify and baby him and act like he had no agency or choice in his actions and every other character is to blame for the consequences.

The classic monster/human struggle of finding one's humanity after doing unimaginable harm, Jon Sims is often morally misinterpreted as being a "good" or "bad" person, instead of someone who has done good and bad things in his very human experience of having the world's most toxic workplace and being in his 20s.

Fandom constantly asserts he’s done nothing wrong and can do no wrong however the entire podcast is about how trauma fucks people up. 4th season of the show spends a lot of time on him having a crisis about the morality of feeding off people’s fear in a way that deeply hurts them. Fandom ignores this season apart from to talk about how mean the others characters were to him in it. Characters he’s hurt are described by the fandom as ‘whiny’, ‘self-serving’, ‘a tantruming child’. He has a female narrative foil with a story arc that mirrors his. She is hated by much of the fandom

Wei Wuxian

Sooo many people think he's God's Perfect Little Boy or something but like. This man killed. This man literally tortured someone to death. Was it due to trauma? Sure! Doesn't fucking make it okay! And it's not like he shows true remorse for it either. As much as I love Wei Wuxian, he's not exactly the example of morally good/okay. (Can't say he's evil either though. Like. Look at all the good he did and tried to do in his life.)

He tortured a guy but he also did his best and got a second chance with a new life

[multimilfs]

Alma Peregrine x Fem!Reader: Artificial Permanence

Summary: Anon sent... Alma Peregrine + 9 -- "You need to wake up because I can't do this without you."

AO3

Prompts found here!

A/N: Damn I missed writing for Alma!!

Full Ficmas List

Tag List: @escapetodreamworld @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @multifandomfix @elenaguarnieri @evil-feather @imtrashinflames @nonbinary-cryptid-baby @jojalie @ashpheh

Warning(s): Light body horror

You never intended on becoming a murderer. 

No one comes into the world with the intention of taking lives, but somewhere along the way, a piece of them changes and goes dark. You have spent your whole life trying to avoid a part of you going dark. You didn’t want to take lives, you wanted to save them. 

But it all happened so fast. 

One second you’re preparing a surprise breakfast in the kitchen with Emma and Fiona, the next Millard is calling you from the front door. You turn and rush to the door. Millard never yells, always the picture of the perfect gentleman, sometimes crossing the entire house to deliver simple messages to you. 

If he’s yelling then something is terribly wrong. Were Alma awake already—it’s a fluke she isn’t, but you’d enlisted the children’s help in making her a nice breakfast before she woke—she’d scold him for not using an inside voice. 

“What is it, Millard?” You ask. 

He pushes you towards the door and you step onto the porch. It’s the perfect day, but the breeze from the water makes you shiver, pulling your robe tighter over your nightdress. Seeing the police officer standing on the porch makes you glad you did. 

Your appearance is the least of your worries when you take in the scene. 

The police officer is a gruff, round man, with a permanent scowl etched onto his face. He stands in the center of the porch with Olive and Claire on either side of him. White-knuckled hands grip their shoulders and you stand straighter, fury building at the terrified, pained looks on their faces. 

“Can I help you, Officer?” You ask coldly. 

“Yeah, your wayward freaks set the Pub on fire this morning,” He says, glaring at you, “I need you or the Headmistress to come down to the station.” 

“They’re children, surely you’re not going to arrest them?” 

His grip tightens on the girls and they both wince. Your fist clenches at your side. It’s all you can do to hold in your peculiarity, the air around you thrumming with your own desire to lash out at the man. But you do nothing, too worried you’d hurt the girls in the process. 

You have a good handle on your peculiarity, but when you’re emotional enough, all bets are off. And you can’t claim to be calm at the moment. 

“I can and I will!” He roars. 

“You will not!” You snap back, stepping forward and into his space, “Now unhand my children.” 

There’s a split second where his eyes widen. You wonder what he sees in your face that inspires the fear you see, a twisted glee blossoming amidst your anger. He grasps for words and his grip loosens on Claire and Olive.

Claire tries to pull away, frightened by the raised voices. Her attempt at escape draws the Officer’s attention and he reasserts his grip. When he does, it is like steel as it clamps roughly on Claire, and she lets out a frightened cry. 

You don’t hesitate before spearing the knife in your hand through his chest. 

He gasps and releases the girls. You go to look into his eyes, only to find them gone. His face is seared by red, yellow, and blue markings criss-crossing across his skin. There are dark blue marks under the sockets of his eyes where his skin seared against his cheekbones. A thin, white substance drips down his cheeks. 

You realize with horror that the knife acted as a conduit of your peculiarity—which struck him as lightning this time—and the liquid you're watching drip down his cheeks are what would be his eyes… if they hadn’t exploded from the heat. A shriek leaves your lips and you let go of the Officer. 

His body falls backwards and flops onto the porch steps with a heavy thud. Your eyes are stuck on the knife protruding from his chest, black from the electrical heat. 

“Impressive.” Enoch says behind you. 

Turning slowly, horror settling in your bones as you look into several of the children’s faces, you stare at Enoch. He’s leaning against the doorway with a look of admiration on his face. Your stomach turns. 

“The lightning was a nice touch.” He adds. 

“It really is interesting, Miss. Miss Peregrine never lets us watch.” Olive says sweetly. 

You know Alma is no stranger to taking lives; being an Ymbryne in the current society of peculiars made her well equipped for that, but knowing it interested your children was another thing entirely. Folding your shaking hands in front of you, you force a smile. 

“Children,” You say, voice faltering, “Will one of you keep watch for any other law enforcement? I have to go speak with Miss Peregrine about this.” 

“No you don’t, I know where she usually puts the bodies.” Enoch says. 

He backs up a little when you stare at him and you wonder again how you must look, “Just keep watch, Enoch.” 

All of the children on the porch nod. You slip back into the house and start up the stairs, ignoring Emma’s concerned calls after you, not sure you have the strength now to explain it all to her. Alma would make this all easier. Alma would make this go away. 

Despite that, you can’t help but sitting with the information that you’ve just made yourself a murderer. You lost control and took a life. It makes your stomach turn and you stop in the hall, leaning against the bannister, holding back the bile threatening to rise in your throat. 

Alma is asleep peacefully, wrapped in soft blue sheets. You hate having to wake her like this. 

“Alma,” You whisper, rounding the bed and kneeling at her side, “I need you to wake up—You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.” 

One blue eye squints open and you try to smile. Both eyes shoot open when she takes in your appearance; kneeling next to her side of the bed, shaking and on the verge of tears. Her hands grab your face. Her unblinking eyes are running over you, relieved to find nothing wrong, only to widen when she remembers the children. 

“What has happened?” Alma demands. 

She’s out of bed in a flash and wrapping herself in her own robe, talon-like nails ripping through the fabric, though she pays it no mind. When she’s steps from the door, you find your voice again. 

“I killed that police officer.” You admit. 

Alma freezes in place. Slowly, she turns on her heel, eyes piercing you. 

“I beg your pardon?” 

The dam breaks, “I sent the girls into town for a few things and he came back, saying they set the pub on fire, he was so cruel and he made Claire cry and—and then I stabbed him. In the chest. And his eyes exploded!” 

The Ymbryne deflates, coming back to sit on the bed. She pinches the bridge of her nose and sits as you stare at the floor in silent horror. 

You replay the scene in your head. It feels like a blur—you didn’t even remember having the knife in your hand until it was through his heart. Then he was discolored and eyeless. You shudder. Alma gently pulls you up onto the bed to sit next to her. 

“All of the children are alive and well?” She asks. 

You nod. 

“The only one harmed is the officer?” 

You nod again. “I’ll take care of it, darling. He’ll be alive again tomorrow. You’re alright.” 

“I killed someone, Alma.” You whisper. 

“That does happen at times.” Alma says. 

“How can you be so casual about this? I’m a murderer.” 

Alma can’t help it, but a small chuckle leaves her lips. You jerk away. Intent on soothing you, you’re pulled back against her, her lips pressed to your temple in apology. 

The idea of taking a life makes you feel like a monster. Yet, everyone else is unphased, even acting like the whole situation was humorous. You feel like you’ve missed a memo of some kind, especially if the children were unbothered. 

“Darling, you’re not a murderer if your victim is alive the next day,” Alma says, “You protected the children. That’s what matters. Not the cruel officer who will wake up none-the-wiser in a few hours.” 

“I still feel awful about it.” You admit. 

She nods, “That will pass with time. Now, let’s handle this, shall we?” 

Alma stands and offers you her hand. You take it in your own, letting the warmth of her ground you. You also use it to distract you from the twisted amusement on her face. 

You still feel no better about taking a life, but at least you know it isn’t permanent. 

[dirtytransmasc]

Are yyou team green or black? And why?

team green, though I'm not in support of every green character (namely Otto though my opinion of him is complicated. I also have opinions on Aegon and his characterization that makes it even more complicated)

[I have only read bits and pieces of the book, so my opinion is based almost solely on the show. keep this in mind]

I'm team green for 3 big reasons. they're more complex, thought not perfect by any means, more morally "right", and are simply more my vibe when it comes to characters. now this is very simplified and not at all nuanced, so stick with me for a minute.

Firstly, they're more complex. the greens have very deep, detailed, and nuanced lives and stories that lead to them being very complex characters that can't be put into a box. Alicent was a child bride who had lost her mother young became a mother young and suffered at the hands of power and men all her life. her children were affected by this and the world they were forced to grow up in throughout their lives. even individually her kids are drastically different; aegon the child who was forced into a life he did not want and suffered due to his father neglect and mother pain. Helaena who was never understood and grew up treated like an oddity. Aemond who was never seen to his full potential, always ignored or looked over, angry throughout his life. each of them has strengths and weaknesses, flaws and benefits, they're imperfect but never completely horrid. they're also never simplified (not entirely, even when the plot and writers seek to simplify them) to the point that they put on a moral pedestal or made straight evil (i'd even argue that the attempts of the writer to oversimplify them as evil and in the wrong makes them 10x more fascinating). I find TB characters tended to miss the mark on that, always put in the moral light, not even allowed a moment to reflect on their actions, lives, or positions in any nuanced or meaningful way, so they always just feel dull. they're also out on a moral highground that they can never be budged from, which makes them harder to like and honestly, really boring. they get away with everything instead of being emotionally and morally nuanced.

secondly, they're more morally "right". I will never say that any of the greens are perfect, they are far from it (with the exception of Helaena and her kids, who have done literally nothing to anyone, but I digress). what I will say, 9/10 times there is some level of reasoning that has some level of reasoning. Alicent always tries to do whats best for everyone, all throughout the series she tried to do best by the court, the king, her children, the realm, and Rhaenyra. did she always succeed? no, but she always tried and her mistakes were almost always honest. I will say she held resentment towards Rhaenya, but honestly, I can't blame her. Rhaenyra's lies and behavior hurt Alicent over and over again so for her to be angry is expected.when it came to succession, Alicent backed Rhaenyra until it was made clear she and Daemon would be a threat to her children's lives and even than she held mercy for Rhaenyra. Aegon's drinking can be blamed on the abuse and neglect he suffered at Viserys, Otto, and Alicent's (though the abuse and neglect from his mother is insanely different and nuanced. she perpetuated her pain onto him because she couldn't heal herself. so I hesitate to call it abuse, cause its so much more complicated than that) hands. though nothing will justify his rape of Dyana, I personally think it was a bad add in on the writers part, and leave it at that. Aemonds rage after years of being ignored doesn't entirely justify what he did to luke, but he had reason for his cruelty after years of Luke (and jace tbh) being cruel just because they could. TB characters tend to do terrible things in response to either A. nothing B. their own terrible things. Daemon kills who he wants when he feels like it, even for stating facts. Rhaneyra will lie and hurt those around her to protect her bastard children. both of them conspire to protect themselves and allow themselves to be wed, really just cause. while there are times they have their reasons, its a lot less of the time, and typically the backing to their actions, is they were trying to unbury themselves from within their own graves. (to preface, I don't care about rhaenyra sleeping around, it doesn't bother me, but its the fact that she will hurt everyone around her to protect her lies, allowing a child to be maimed and people to be murdered)

thirdly, they're my vibe. I like morally complex character, who are, to be frank, pathetic. I like characters with complex trauma's and issues, who aren't perfect people but its not entirely their fault. I would much rather watch a whole show about alicent, a child bride who tries so hard to be a good wife, queen, and mother while not prepared for any such role. Aegon who is a boy with severe mommy and daddy issues, a drinking problem, a flawed past, and constantly wet eyes. Helaena an ignored girl who has suffered for no better reason then her family. and Aemond, a boy who was tormented, bullied, maimed, and made stronger by it at the cost of his compassion and emotional stability - over a nepo baby who was coddled by her father, her murderous husband with a knack for unneeded violence, and her similarly coddled children (the show boiled them down to this, in my opinion). one is simply more up my alley than the other. I want character that need to be dissected, who have suffered, who hurt me to look at.

also, team black created almost all of their own problems. seeing as the main source of contention had to do with Rhaenyra's kids being bastards, which was Rhaenyra's problem, which she caused, and kept digging and digging that grave (faking Laenors death just so she could marry daemon, turning the blame on aemond when luke maimed him furthering the divide amongst the house, trying to wed Helaena to Jace putting her in danger, trying to take the driftmark throne and killing Vaemond for a claim her sons did not have, etc,) till viserys's death, earns her a lot less pity from me. at the end of the day, her being a woman was only a needle in a haystack worth of problems she caused herself that hurt her claim. if she had just strived to create to connection with ancient and her kids, and didn't make herself look like a threat to everyone who lessened her claim (which alicents kids would be the first people to be taken out) alicent would have backed like she had all season and there would have been no war, maybe conflict, but no war.

theres also the effect of the fans on my opinion. I have faced more cruelty, terrible media analysis, and outright ableism/misogny/(blood and sexual based) purist ideology/etc. from the TB fans then I have ever witness by TG fans. TB fans have ruined almost all of the TB characters for me in more ways than I can count, so I will say I am very biased.

thats why I'm team green. as a whole they are simply more appealing, their stories are more interesting, demand more attention to detail and emotional understanding, and from my point of view were the "right" side to be on in the war (the war was wrong on both sides, but my chips lie in the favour of the greens).

[shadowmaat]

The Jedi were evil all along!

I debated replying to the thread I saw condemning the Jedi as "rigid" and implying they weren't that different from the Sith, but I would have been the only voice of dissent and given that one of the replies was from a Red Hat Cultist veering off on a frothy anti-Obama rant, I figured it was safer to just make my own post.

Look, no one is saying the Jedi are perfect, but they sure as fuck aren't evil, either. If you're basing your entire opinion on the thoughts and experiences of one individual then your view is incredibly flawed and you should maybe think outside the narrow hole you've dug for yourself.

From what I can tell, some of the worst critics of the Jedi seem to be fans of Anakin Skywalker. Or at least a carefully curated version of Anakin who was a perpetual victim and never did anything wrong. It seems to boil down to "if the Jedi had just let Anakin be openly married to Padmè, nothing bad would have happened!" Which is... certainly a take.

The one argument I see trumpeted over and over (and over) again is that the Jedi prohibition against "attachment" is terrible and wrong and makes them no better than the Sith. This hinges almost entirely on the idea that "attachment" is the same thing as "love."

It isn't. Fans have spent decades explaining why it isn't only to have their reasoning mostly ignored in favor of the more angsty/tragic idea that the Jedi were forbidden to love. 🙄

"Attachment," IMO, can best be summed up as a literal interpretation of this ever-popular gif:

[img: Rosa from Brooklyn 99. She's holding a small yellow lab puppy as she says, "I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."]

Anakin has, admittedly, "had" Padmè for three years instead of a day and a half, but when he thought she was going to die, he killed everyone in the Temple, then killed her, and then continued on a murderous rampage for the next 19 years or so.

"Attachment" is dangerous for anyone, but especially for someone like Anakin, who has additional powers at his command, rigorous training in how to use them, and three years experience as a war leader.

Personally, I also have questions about whether or not marriage is actually forbidden among the Jedi or if Anakin just assumed it was because "attachment." I can see it not being a common thing, and I can also understand a relationship coming under scrutiny to insure that it's a healthy form of love that won't interfere with a Jedi's ability to do their job, but it wouldn't surprise me if Anakin never looked into it because it would mean "sharing" Padmè with others.

Even if marriage wasn't allowed as a whole formal, legalized thing it doesn't mean Jedi can't form relationships. It would, as usual with the Jedi, be about balance. Can someone balance their personal relationship with their commitments to the Order? Can they set their loved one aside to do what must be done? Or will they drop everything to immediately rush to their loved one's side regardless of the risk to others?

We all know what Anakin would do; we've seen it with our own eyes.

The point is, condemning the entire Jedi Order because they didn't give Anakin everything he wanted, when he wanted it, and without question is a little bit of a stretch. Plus, all jokes about his inability to keep a secret aside, it isn't as if he ever went to them to discuss things.

"Well, he didn't think he could trust them because they hated him!" Uh, no, they decidedly didn't hate him, he just believed they did. It all hinges on his beliefs, not reality. And while you could certainly blame Palpatine for reinforcing his beliefs that the Jedi can't be trusted and that everyone hates/is jealous of him, it isn't as if Palps made that up out of thin air: he built on the seeds already within Anakin.

"That's because the Jedi-" No. Insecurities are rarely rational, and while you can argue that the Jedi "didn't do enough" to help Anakin, there are a few salient points to remember:

Anakin isn't the only Jedi in the Order; they have thousands of people to consider.

You have to know there's a problem in order to help.

The person has to be willing to accept that help in order for things to change.

The last two points also apply to those who would condemn Obi-Wan in particular. He has to KNOW a problem exists and then he has to talk his way around to try and get Anakin to accept his help. I know from personal experience just how heartbreakingly difficult it is to help a loved one when they won't admit there's a problem or they won't listen to your advice.

I can think of a lot of ideas that would be fun to experiment with in terms of making changes to the Jedi Order, but most of them involve adding more distance from the Senate and none of them are about catering to the specific (perceived) needs of one Jedi.

[genericpuff]

I really can't wait to see how you write Demeter! Is she going to be the villain?

yaay it's a good day for asks! sorry because I'm about to go on ANOTHER HUGE TANGENT LMAO but I hope it answers your question thoroughly enough ! 😅 (and if it doesn't at all lmk LOL) Demeter's gonna be an interesting one. I think you already know the answer to this, but I really can't stand how she's villainized like some Mother Gothel archetype, especially when it comes to how Rachel portrays it, because everything Demeter thinks/does/says is honestly justified, try as Rachel might to make her seem like some insane overbearing 'evil' stepmother. Everything always comes back to "Demeter bad!" whereas reading her depiction of Persephone is like watching The Little Mermaid as an adult.

(it's very frustrating, to say the least LMAO)

Personally I'm gonna be going for what LO started with, but never followed up on - Demeter wants to see her daughter gain independence, but is fearful of her being taken advantage of and hurt the same way she, her "sisters", and her "mother" was (and yes, I have my own way of tackling the incest and familial labels in a way Rachel could have but didn't, I don't wanna reveal too much but it's very fun and I can't wait to explore it haha). All this is gonna affect how her relationship with her daughter plays out - it won't be exactly like the Hymn of Demeter, focusing solely on Demeter's grief, but it won't be exactly like LO either where it throws aside the purpose and messaging of the original myth entirely. All the gods are nuanced and morally problematic in their own way, and that includes Persephone and Hades.

Honestly, I think the reason why so many myth 'retellings' like LO end up being this Flanderized in their characterizations ("Demeter bad, Persephone good!" and "Zeus bad husband, Hades perfect husband!") is because there's so little material surrounding Persephone and Hades compared to all the others. While this can make it fun for having more freedom in re-interpretations, it unfortunately has the opposite effect as well where people tend to forgo the entire point of the original story so they can have some feel good cute story where Hades was some "soft" husband who did nothing wrong and Persephone was some "boss babe" icon with no nuance in between.

I see this type of fetishization of the original myth in a lot of these interpretations but especially Rachel's work. I'm not sure if "fandomification" is a word that can be used here, but I definitely get the feeling Rachel idolizes and fetishizes Greek myth the same way a lot of young Westerners often idolize and fetishize Japanese lore and content, or, more personally, Indigenous cultures (as I myself am Indigenous, specifically Mi'kmaq) - by reducing it down to its most "consumable" formats and turning it into something more 'palatable' and 'fandom-y' for modern audiences that almost comes across as pandering and demeaning to anyone looking for anything with more depth than a teaspoon (and especially to those who belong to the respective cultures being portrayed through this lens).

This isn't to say that creators have to stick to their lane when writing about other cultures or myths, but you can tell when someone hasn't done their research and is working from a very romanticized template they've built up in their heads. Rachel's, in this case, feels like it's definitely come from her time on Tumblr back in the day, when Hades x Persephone writing prompts were all the rage and people were coming up with all sorts of feel good AU content. The thing with AU prompts like that though is they're just that - prompts, memes, mere thought experiments or hypotheticals, not something that can necessarily work as an actual serious long form story unless you know what you're doing. I think creators who want to go so far as to 're-interpret' these stories through their own lens have a huge responsibility to still recognize and treat the original source material with some semblance of respect. In this regard, LO in its current state really should have stayed as a slice-of-life type series if it wanted to keep things light.

And I'm saying this entirely as someone who grew up on weeb content in the freaking West and got more into Greek myth because of LO. That's why I don't entirely chastise it, fandom-y type stories like LO can definitely help introduce people to cultures and stories they wouldn't have batted an eye at before (as I've started to detest LO over the last year, it's made for even better learning because I've had to research the original myths just to see how Rachel is misfiring on them entirely LMAO) but there comes the added responsibility of making sure you're not erasing or reducing the original material in favor of the silly cutesy stuff. It's an entry point, not the entire course! And that's a responsibility that falls both on the audience and the content's creator, IMO.

Yay, more text dumps! Sorry if a lot of that seems weirdly gatekeepy, it's def not what I'm trying to get across, just trying to voice my own frustrations with the depiction of LO's characters as best I can, I feel like a lot of it comes down to Rachel just not having done proper research and relying solely on tropes and self-fulfilling fantasies. If LO stayed as a slice-of-life thing that would have been fine, there's definitely a place for that sort of feel-good goofy storytelling, but by trying to be super ultra serious, it's tripped over its own feet because that's just not what Rachel is capable of depicting at this moment. She's trying to write a super serious story, but doesn't come across as if she actually takes it seriously by extension and it shows.

TL ; DR: Basically, we're gonna actually hone in on Demeter's trauma from the Titanomachy and how it affects her parenting style and 'controlling' tendencies, not only of Persephone, but of the community of nymphs she's fostered over the years. It's not about whether Demeter is the hero or the villain, because that would be missing the point entirely - it's about her role and experiences as a mother and leader of her community, a woman in a struggling position of power among a patriarchal system, and a mother who lost her child to that same patriarchal system, whether by choice or through forced marriage. No matter how one wishes to tell it, whether it's in tragedy or celebration, you can't have the story of Persephone and Hades without Demeter. That is the core of what I want to focus on and bring back to the retellings of Hades and Persephone.

[trollex-is-gay]

More AU talk, got a bit rambly so I hid it under the cut

Being real, I don't believe Velvet and Veneer have perfect parents. Speaking from my own experience, a house can be lovely and the family can seem perfect but parents can still suck even if it looks like they love their kids. Sometimes neglect can be emotional. The way Veneer behaves in response to his sister compared to his sister's general attitude makes me think neither of these two were taught how to properly handle their emotions. Velvet has developed this mean and almost immoral worldview and personality and her brother was never taught to stand up for himself, the two of them were super close as young kids but when they hit their teens things kind of...took a wrong turn. We don't know much about their species, but odds are they have their own struggles physically, and that doesn't even COVER all of the emotional turmoil that most teenagers go through. Veneer is used to following and looking up to his sister, and so he never stood against her. But when they got older and Velvet grew more and more unstable with nobody but her easily pushed around brother to comfort her, he couldn't find it in him to be any sort of enemy to her. She needed somebody and he didn't know how to make her stop being so mean but he also didn't want to abandon her. Velvet never intended for genuine harm to come to her brother, but at the same time she was stringing him along and roping him in on her scheme, she hurt him probably more than she realized and she didn't feel immediate regret. She knew exactly what she was doing, but she saw it as doing Veneer a favor, not as something wrong. She was helping him become rich and famous after all! She believed she was right the entire time, and the only person attempting to guide her at ALL was Floyd, who was weak and dying and too tiny for her to want to listen to. He was the only adult present because for whatever reason, dead or neglectful, the duo's parents are nowhere to be seen, nobody mature and sensible is trying to stop them. Their assistant was the closest one could get but they wouldn't listen to her either because she's simply that: an assistant. Velvet was doing horrible things and was completely aware of it all, but she didn't feel regret because she thought she was doing the right thing for her and her brother. Nobody else was going to give them what they wanted, but she didn't know how to get it without taking some shortcuts.

Veneer is the "less evil" sibling because he was tamer and he didn't have the strength to stand up for himself or anyone else. He tried his best to get through to his sister but his meek nature and his need for someone to love him and be proud of him got in the way, he couldn't bite back...and part of him enjoyed what they were doing. After the fact, when he had his change of heart, he felt so sick for it...but he did enjoy parts of it. He enjoyed being famous. He enjoyed having so many people cheer his name. He enjoyed having so much stuff. He enjoyed being able to stand with his sister and be loved by her. He enjoyed being good at singing for once, and he had to take Floyd's talent for it. It was nothing personal, but now he can't stop thinking about how wrong he feels for loving it. Velvet is twisted up inside sitting in that cell. They put her with her brother because when they tried to separate her she freaked out. Veneer wasn't sure if he wanted to be near her, but he gave it a shot, and realized that she was falling apart now. If she was in a cell alone or with a stranger, she would've lost her mind. She needed her brother to just be there. They don't talk much at all. But she just wants him around. She still cares, but she hasn't told him that. She doesn't know what to do with herself, and she almost hates herself for letting this happen to them. Now they're stuck in prison for who knows how long and their parents are probably not even coming for them. What if she spends her whole life in here? What if she dies in here? What if Veneer dies in here? It's eating her from the inside out and Veneer worries for her, but he's still trying to get his space in that cramped little room of his. Prison is going to ruin both of them emotionally and mentally, more than they already are, but Veneer knows that Velvet is going to be far worse than he could ever be. If they stay here, and they EVER get released, Velvet will be worse. And that scares him for so many reasons.

[ladymorghul]

I agree with the previous anon and your answer, it's so annoying to watch the promos, interviews and so on and being disappointed and even worried because of the things they hint at. It seems that they will completely destroy the family dynamics of the greens and while they are far from a perfect family and have many problematic aspects, the writers will go too far if they simply oppose Alicent to her sons, create unnecessary feud between Aegond during the war and by making Helaena being ignored by everyone. So there is only hate, envy, betrayal and lack of understanding between them, huh. Where is Jace vs Daemon feud, or Rhaenyra vs Baela and Rhaena? Not to mention Rhaenys.

We have to wait and see I guess, but if half of these actual theories concerning the greens turn out to be true, then what do you think that Condal talked about when he said that many people will change sides in s2?? Many of us assumed that he was referring to TB losing some support in the fandom because of B&C, but now it seems that what he actually meant was: the green fandom will become even smaller." And it sucks.

i'm not sure what ryan meant. i did see people get more comfortable with the green kids and seen maybe a bit more pro green voices but whatever i saw is insignificant in comparison to tb, which is the majority.

i think condal has this idea that the way he wrote alicent makes her more sympathetic to the viewers and i've seen some share his sentiment and call book alicent a villain but i think it's just another way of saying ambitious women who do what many favorite male characters do are evil and unrealstic and far more easier to hate.

i think he also probably thinks b&c will turn people off but let me be doubtful. first... daemon stans still love daemon despite everything he already did and b&c is a daemon thing, rhaenyra won't be involved in planning it so it's not even gonna be seen as a tb thing. furthermore if they'll make b&c a failed kidnapping even that's gonna soften daemon more than the book version.

so the majority of the people are obviously tb and i think this will strengthen despite the clip coming out of daemon scaring rhaenyra because at the end of the day tb fans are for rhaenyra so daemon can easily be set aside in their minds, if that make sense.

i don't think anyone will switch sides in season 2. i think the time for switching was last season while we were supposed to see what led to alicent making her choices (and we saw most of it up to episode 7). but since they took her motivation and turned into 'she heard a dying man babble something about aegon and so she crowned aegon' to such a degree that even beesbury was like 'stop playing around' then of course... who can switch sides based on that if everything that is happening is taken as 'alicent misheard viserys' and she has no actual real motivation anymore for either his crowning or standing by his side. everyone will just be like 'awww all of this is happening because she was foolish when she heard viserys' so there is no reason for anyone to switch because the story is fully telling you what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.

show!alicent is a character whose entire arc was constructed on who show!rhaenyra needed her to be. there's nothing more to be said about it.

[incorrect-skylanders-quotes]

My (kinda disjointed) thoughts on some Skylanders ships (part 1)

Trying something new today! It's gonna be hard to write an opinion on Skylander ships, considering the fact that most of them are crackships and half the characters have really basic personalities, but I'll try my best. I'm starting with the dragon Skylanders, but I'll eventually cover other Skylander pairings in the future.

Spyro x Cynder: 9/10. Pretty basic, all things considered. It's the ship people choose because they were hardcore Legend of Spyro fans and shipped Spynder back then. I do think they have a good dynamic; Cynder's evil past is ripe with angst and hurt/comfort potential, and Spyro being the one to save her naturally makes him a perfect candidate to provide the "comfort" part. At the same time though, I understand the appeal of having them remain platonic since as of 2023, Skylanders is the only Spyro media to have both appear without any hint of romance between them.

Spyro x Sunburn: 6/10. It's mostly an ironic ship I thought of as a joke during the early days back when I only did incorrect quotes exclusively about the dragon Skylanders. I don't think Sunburn and Spyro would really have a whole lot of interesting interactions.

Spyro x Whirlwind: 1/10. I don't see the appeal. To me, they're just friends or coworkers. Nothing more than that. The only reason anyone ships this is that they hate Cynder or Spynder, but they also don't want to ship Spyro with the humanoid girls or Sonic Boom because "interspecies romance yucky"

Whirlwind x Cynder: 9/10. The opposite of Spywind. These two have a great dynamic, Whirlwind being ostracized for her mixed heritage, while Cynder's distrusted for her past as a servant of Malefor. The two could find a lot of comfort in each other due to their shared experiences. The only reason it's not a complete 10/10 is because I prefer pairing the two with other characters.

Whirlwind x Sunburn: 8/10. It's aight. I guess the way their backstories contrast is interesting, Whirlwind used to be hated for being a dragon hybrid while Sunburn was coveted for the same reason.

Whirlwind x Camo: 7/10. No strong opinions.

Sunburn x Camo: 8/10. I can see why it has appeal. Two pranksters goofin' off together is always nice.

Whirlwind x Sunburn x Camo: 9/10. Whirlwind and her two supportive bfs, who are also dating each other. I think overall I prefer polyshipping these three over their separate ships, but the reasons why are based entirely on fanon I made up regarding the three.

Whirlwind x Zap: 5/10 ...Eh? Nothing wrong with it, but I don't really see the appeal either. It's better than Spywind because the entire basis for the ship isn't just "a hetero dragon ship for Spyro that isn't Cynder"

Side note: Damn, Whirlwind has a lot of ships. Why is that?

Drobot x Camo: 8/10. I think it's really funny. Drobot the serious, intelligent, and logical-minded, while Camo is a jokester who makes fruit explode for shits and giggles. The contrast between serious and silly always makes for a fun dynamic, and I think if the two ever got meaningful interactions, Camo would be the guy who'd get Drobot to loosen up.

Bash x Flashwing: 8/10. This pairing actually has ground to stand on since it's one of the only ships that have actual potential for being canon. Bash falling in love with Flashwing is literally half of her backstory, and it's a standout trait for Bash and Skylanders in general. It's rare for Skylanders characters to actually have romantic feelings for anyone, much less each other, which is what makes this ship so appealing, it's potential for exploring this idea. Sadly, canon has not seen that potential. There's been no actual exploration of the pairing in Skylanders media, not even the comics or Skylanders Academy, which literally exist to flesh out the goddamn Skylanders. The closest we get is apparently from a book called "Skylanders Universe: The Complete Collection, page 39" which states Flashwing canonically likes Bash back, though she won't admit it out loud (don't quote me on this, I got it from the wiki). That's it. That's all we get. If the pairing actually got explored in official Skylanders material, then it'd be a 9 or a 10.

[yiifu]

till the end of the moon random musings

needed to get it all out of my system after speed bingewatching like 26 episodes over the weekend so here goes the word vomit

carnival float scene

i keep going back to rewatch that carnival float scene when ye xiwu and tantaijin are acting out the skit of the killing of the devil god ... the music is so fitting (it’s probably my fav song in the entire ost) and the whole thing feels like foreshadowing? it’s a near-perfect summary of the entire story in one scene. when she takes his mask off but her mask stays on it’s like she sees and knows everything about him but he doesn’t know her at all. she knows all his intentions and what he will become. tantaijin is so sincere in his feelings at that moment but she’s still hiding her feelings and intentions behind her mask. same thing with the wedding ceremony and the veil - she’s still hidden, but he’s sincere. and he can’t see her so he doesn’t know.

wedding scene

also, like, wow. the ep 26(?) wedding scene was, as someone on tumblr put it, like ‘watching a car crash in slow motion’ even the date was wrong (ominous). the whole time i was shaking my head to myself while watching tantaijin look the happiest he’s ever been (like even though he wants her in a twisted way, u still gotta feel bad for him somehow, he was really so happy and put in effort to embroider the veil, etc.) the knives were all out here, i knew it was coming and it’s going to get worse once we get to the aftermath right. (i last stopped at the wedding scene right before she drives the nails into him.)

mingye/clam arc

is it just me or am i seeing so many parallels between this arc and the real lives of the protagonists? mingye and sangjiu played by the main couple. xiaolin dies. sangjiu turns evil and goes back for revenge which is almost like what li susu is doing to get back at the devil god before he turns evil. mingye and sangjiu end in tragedy, which is the same outcome for our main couple in the first half. tianhuan being a scheming evil person in general like bingchang. also the fact that xiaolin and li susu/ye wuxi were really martial siblings in li susu’s life, just like they were clam siblings in the mingye arc.

one thing i still don’t understand yet: why did ye xiwu keep wanting to go help xiaolin escape the prison? was it just because she cared for him more after being siblings in the mingye arc? or because her was her martial brother in her first life? or was it also something else? i feel like i missed a bunch of motivations here lol 

xiaolin and tantaijin

so many things to unpack for xiaolin and tantaijin’s r/ship - right from their childhood to adulthood. you could see them as brothers in a way, like what xiaolin said in his letter. idk what they really feel about each other either - seems like xiaolin’s a little regretful, judging from his last letter. also taking into account parallels with the mingye/clam arc where they’re not even on the same side (clam family vs mingye/gods), and in the end xiaolin’s alter-ego is also dead, but not directly by tantaijin’s/mingye’s hand. unless xiaolin gets a second chance later on in the story, the two of them were never going to officially reconcile/fight together. gonna have to see what others said about this because i don’t even know where to begin organizing my thoughts about them LOL

pian ran and ye qingyu

really glad for pian ran and ye qingyu - i had to skip through some of their scenes due to a lack of time but the gist i got was that they got the chance to be relatively transparent with each other esp about pian ran’s past, and pian ran even got her love thread back (yay!). also her decision to stay in the city, both to be with ye qingyu and also to serve tantaijin, was pretty rad. wishing nothing but the best for this couple.

ye bingchang

ye bingchang .... she’s not typed on personalitydatabase but if i had to give her a type i’d guess she’s an infj, albeit a severely misguided one. basing it on another character who’s closest to her in terms of goals and the way they handle people - jin guangyao from mdzs who’s generally agreed to be an enfj. bingchang has a goal/vision of what she needs to survive (Ni) and uses Fe (manipulation of people) to achieve that. with jin guangyao, similar need to protect themselves, value themselves above others, very, very good at manipulating people by saying the right words, have attempted murder, villain origin backstory of having been mistreated by others for being of a lower social status, etc. 

also mbti with ye bingchang and tantaijin

i keep talking about mbti but i’m no mbti expert, just really love using it to understand people. if you compare bingchang with tantaijin you can see they both have kinda similar methods of doing things? - manipulating people towards some common goal through a careful plan. it’s just that ye bingchang’s is purely for personal gain while tantaijin wants personal gain but also accounts for the wider society as well. 

ye bingchang (infj): main goal of protecting herself (Ni). executes a plan to manipulate people to make it fall into place (Fe). able to adapt her behaviour to the people around her (Fe, Se?). uses whatever means necessary.

tantaijin: main goal of controlling and reuniting the two kingdoms to create peace (Ni), reduce the same kind of suffering he felt in his personal life (Ni, Fi). executes a plan to outsmart his enemies and recruit people (Te). uses whatever means necessary but also has some internal moral code he follows (Fi).

based on what i vaguely recall about the way tantaijin and bingchang convince people, there’s also a difference. bingchang is very value-oriented (asks ye xiwu to have pity on her, to not compete with her for tantaijin, justifying her actions using the universal value of justice for those who suffer unjustly, she uses universal values like compassion and pity, love, etc. to convince people, it’s giving Fe). 

tantaijin uses a lot of psychological manipulation too - knows how to talk people into having no choice but to follow him, knows how to use scare tactics without being actually mean (e.g. the tonic pill he gave pian ran to swallow, threatening to kill those ministers who didn’t want to come teach him just to scare them) his manipulation is a different brand from bingchang’s but just as effective.

but compared to bingchang, i feel tantaijin is a lot more practical in manipulating people. if i recall correctly he usually resorts to logic to convince people (or fear of death lmao). making people understand that they have no other way out of the situation and the only plausible way is his way. e.g. bringing ye xiwu back to him after she helped xiaolin escape. he doesn’t plead with her to come back because he’s lonely and loves her etc., that’s what a high Fe user might do. instead he uses action and rearranges the environment to suit his plan (Te) he makes her kill xiaolin, makes her hated by all so that the only logical way she can get out is to flee back to him. he’s in the depths of emotional turmoil by that point but he still resorts to hard force and objective control (Te) to keep ye xiwu by his side so he can relieve his emotional frustration and loneliness

might write another thing on a comparison between him and william james moriarty from moriarty the patriot (also an intj commanding a group of loyal people towards a vision) later on, just to sort out my tantaijin intj agenda when i remember

the main pairing

going back to our main pairing, what i’m getting out of this is that the two of them can never be together in this configuration, i.e. with him as the emperor/future-devil-god and she as his so-called assassin. they were never going to work out like this because there’s too much to lose and too much going on for them to work anything out properly. (also given that both of them don’t seem to be people who prioritize emotions very much in their decision-making). 

luo yunxi’s portrayal of tantaijin is so good, he manages to get that crazed-obsessed-yet good-looking character archetype down pat. truly deserving of the main character title. i keep thinking of that tweet which goes “but he murdered people. so? and he looked good doing it” etc.

for now li susu/ye xiwu’s feelings are still very murky (maybe some others might read her as already having fallen for him but still being bound by duty and fear and anger and other things) but for me it’s still difficult to figure out what exactly she’s feeling. gonna go look at some analysis posts on tumblr to understand what i’m missing.

to go off on a tangent (because i like to think of plot stuff in relation to tropes in other things), it’s sort of like wei wuxian and lan wangji in wwx’s first life. war was going on, wwx had too much to lose and his head wasn’t in the right place. the two of them were never going to work out in that first life no matter how hard they tried. only after wwx’s resurrection did they (more on wwx’s part) have time to bond and sort out their thoughts and feelings properly in a time of relative peace and stability, when the stakes weren’t as high. 

similarly, tantaijin and yewuxi need that second half of the story, when stuff isn’t as high-stakes (no war going on) to sort everything out between them.

extra: characters who won my heart

pian ran - temperamental fox girl who just needs a break, still does her duties well, treated by tantaijin like a whiny younger sister or student, ye xiwu’s wingwoman

pang yizhi/scholar pang - literally the only carefree soul in this entire angst-fest (if it matters, he feels very enfp to me), would be fun to hang out with, the perfect foil to xiaolin, somehow managed to get on the wrong side of tantaijin alongside xiaolin and escaped unscathed, he’s here to assist and watch the show and fly back to the immortal world of daozhangs after it ends

gan baiyu - speaking of someone who’s always watching the show, who could forget the ever-loyal gan baiyu who’s stayed by tantaijin’s side as he rose to power? who stood by when tantaijin was throwing all his tantrums? best boy honestly

really looking forward to the second half/arc (?) of the drama after the 500 years!

[semantic-vegas]

The Eclipse ep. 11 -- *must* I have so many feelings?

Ok. I have never done anything on this godforsaken site beyond reblogging, but my thoughts have been going back and forth since Friday and maybe writing it down will make me stop thinking about it??

It feels like people are removing nuance from the issue of the variety of responses to Thua’s actions in ep. 11. Can we understand Thua’s motivations and feel that he was entirely justified? Yes! Can we understand Thua’s motivations and still feel upset? Also yes! Is it necessary to tell people that they’re watching it wrong or thinking about it wrong if they either *are* or *aren’t* upset? I certainly don’t think so. It’s not really something you can be right about in the first place. 

I think that’s what’s bothering me the most (maybe I’m being way too dramatic about tumblr discourse, but it feels like it’s reflecting the very issue that the show is trying to address: You don’t get to decide what’s right for everyone), but I also just want to explore my *own* feelings about this week’s episode.

Absolute mess below the cut. 

I disagree with a lot of the takes about this episode, which ..essentially means nothing. This is a   t e l e v i s i o n   (web, whatever) show. Everyone is allowed to have their own interpretations and feelings, and no one’s are more or less valid. None of the characters are perfect. They aren’t supposed to be. That’s what makes the show so good. A lot of people have eloquently expressed the “true evil” of this show being the system etc. etc., so I won’t go into it.

I say all that to say that I’m trying to unpack why I feel so strongly about this episode and the “twist”. This is what this post is. Not judgment or character assassination. Just trying to figure out why I reacted differently to this than other parts of the series where somewhat similar ~unsavory~ things were done by our beloveds.

SO. Thua. 

I just saw a few posts that people being upset about Thua outing Akk and Aye is hypocritical/unwarranted, since Aye blackmailed Akk with the cheek kiss picture and told Thua’s own mom more about him and his struggles than Thua consented to. (Note that I don’t have the energy to go back and watch that scene, so ... I’m just talking out of my ass about it, maybe?)

Again, valid interpretation that I’m not discrediting... it’s just that I don’t personally think they’re anywhere near the same thing. I think intention and audience are important things to consider here (though in the end I’m NOT saying simply having good intentions make outing and/or blackmail correct PLS).

When Aye spoke to Thua’s mother, it came from a place of seeing him struggling and wanting to find a way to help. Was it overstepping a boundary and crossing a line? Yeah, sure. Did Thua have every right to be upset about it even if having it out in the open brought some relief? Of course. I didn’t see much discourse about it at the time, but I think we can all agree that even if it wasn’t the best move, Aye was genuinely trying to help. And the conversation took place in a safe space -- a cafe full of queer people and allies.

The “blackmail” thing. I don’t think this even really needs to be discussed. Does anyone actually think Aye would have posted that photo?? We can say that it was an insensitive way to tease/urge Akk into doing what he wanted, but that’s literally their entire relationship. Aye pushes. Akk yields (and is arguably much better for it). The bigger issue to me was the lack of consent for the kiss, but that’s another thing. At its base, this was Aye and Akk doing Aye and Akk things in a car alone together in the parking lot of the Gay Café. 

(Again, maybe I’m doing too much work to “justify” these two events, but also again, this is just how I feel about them. I’m not really wanting to psychoanalyze myself here)

Ok, so. The big scene.

I think the two factors I brought up earlier -- intention and audience -- are part of why this scene was so upsetting to me and thus maybe hard for me to be super objective about.

Do I think Thua was justified in finally snapping after being forced to endure merciless bullying and the other assorted horrors of Suppalo? Damn right. Do I think he was right to bring Aye’s lack of impartiality to light? Sure.

Do I think the outing was necessary or justified? NO. First of all, this was in front of the entire school, which is so very obviously the opposite of a safe space. Thua himself knows how hostile and homophobic the administration and many of the students are.

Second of all, I think it’s pretty evident in Louis’ acting that the outing brought him some sense of schadenfreude. He had a smirk on his face. Imo (and as he later said), he was so angry at Aye and Akk for “covering for each other” that he wanted to hurt them. It was an act of revenge before it was an act of providing evidence of a compromised party.

As other people have pointed out, it was super messed up of him to steal Aye’s dead uncle’s journal to try to get between Aye and Akk... and then go beyond that and read it?? 

And then go beyond *that* and up the ante on the curse? And then shout about how Akk and Aye don’t get to use their love to justify their mistakes.. while conveniently forgetting to own up to any of his own actions? I guess I don’t feel like Aye forcing Thua into a half-assed, explanation-free confession and then Thua offering himself up for punishment (that one can assume would be much less publicized) remedies that. 

I also find his words during that “confession/explanation” scene confusing. Akk asks something like “Why have you changed?” and Thua replies (this is a direct quote from the ENG subs) “I think I just feel ashamed seeing younger students make such sacrifices and then be threatened. I think every change requires sacrifice. If my bad action could change anything at all, it was worth it.”

But his bad actions specifically made things so much worse for the younger students???? Thua was responsible for the banner, the account, and the doll. Arguably, his actions were more mentally traumatizing for The World Remembers than having an errant flower pot fall next to them or having red paint flung on their posters (again, not excusing any of that OR the literal Truck oh my God Akk even if it was idling it could’ve seriously hurt someone).

So that doesn’t feel like a satisfactory explanation. 

I guess at the end of the day, I feel so upset because Thua had more pieces of the puzzle than anyone else -- he knew about Aye’s uncle, Akk’s actions, Teacher Chadok’s wrongs, when the curse started, etc. etc. -- and he chose to do *that* about it.

Instead of talking to The World Remembers members and bringing them in on the plan and offering them a way to fight back, he used them just like everyone else did. And hurt them much more in the process.

Instead of confronting Aye (whose actions made it clear he genuinely cares for and respects Thua) with his knowledge of Akk being the curse, he assumed that they were covering for each other and let spite and jealousy fuel him. If he had just talked to Aye, he would’ve found out that Aye wasn’t going to let Akk weasel out of facing concequences (we all know he’d been pushing him to tell the truth for weeks) – in the moment, he was just trying to avoid Akk’s entire mental state being shattered in front of the whole school.

I guess that’s what makes the whole thing feel so tragic for all the characters. If they had just communicated and confided in each other, they could have all worked together. Something something people feeling alone facing oppressive systems and choosing to try to survive alone instead of coming together to fight... 

So yeah. Again, I love that Thua’s character finally had enough. I love that he was allowed to break out of the goody-two-shoes mold and scream and yell and fight. I love that he was allowed to make that mistake. It’s obviously realistic to just say things to hurt people when you’re angry. I think it makes the show more interesting, and obviously that scene had a huge response regardless of people’s positions on it.

But I do think people are allowed to be upset. I’m upset.

He had *so* much time (planning the next moves of the curse, observing Aye and Akk, deciding how to target Chadok) to rethink his choices, and he just kept doubling down. Again, realistic. Again, upsetting.

And I think the reason people are even *more* upset is because there was no resolution to that blatant shit move of his. I know a ton of people have brought it up, but the fact that we didn’t get to hear an *actual* full explanation of his actions, that no one yelled at him because of the outing specifically, that we didn’t get to see them all fall apart again together and end up with stronger friendships because of it..... bull. 

Ik some people feel as though the point was that everyone let go of their hurt with the whole truth out in the open... but I think that’s a cop-out tbh. And I love the sweet moments as much as everyone else, but for the story this show is telling, I think we really needed that scene, and ik they could’ve done so much with it.

TL;DR: I feel so upset at Thua because it feels like he had a more complete picture than everyone else and simply used that insight to make everything worse. The audience needed more closure than cutting to a scene where everyone was making a BL together.. as much as I feel like watching BL “fixes” some of my issues. I wish they would’ve given us an extra episode with those cute scenes and actually addressed what needed to be addressed in this one.

Wow. Not sure if I feel better, but this is more than I’ve written recreationally in over 2 years, so.. go me?

[heretic-altias]

FFXIVWrite Day 29 - Contravention

New POV bc I've never actually written from his before. I honestly just couldn't find the right way to approach this one from Kito's POV, bc while it's part of his overarching WoL story, this particular story's weight is simply not his. When did the evil brother become a compelling character of his own and get a whole arc in my head anyway?

Don’t know my characters? Here’s a basic breakdown to help you out!

~

The end of the world was something that brought people together. Especially when it was the Scions calling them. Their journey had been long and their connections widespread, so it seemed as if nearly the entire world answered their call.

That also meant Sharlayan had too many visitors arriving at once to properly track. Or maybe they just had stopped caring when it was clear everyone was showing up for this purpose.

Either way, nobody noticed when a man wanted in three Alliance nations entered the city.

After all, his intent was the same as the rest of them.

Word had reached Kotah where he had been sitting restlessly in the Rising Stones unable to do anything. No one wanted to risk the Scions’ reputation by bringing him anywhere so he had remained. Even as the skies burned, and the very world threatened to crumble. Even as word came back of more and more death.

But the moment he’d heard about what the Scions planned to do, something had snapped. He couldn’t keep doing nothing, no matter what anyone thought.

So he’d dragged himself to Sharlayan along with every other ally the Scions had ever made. It had been easy, so many people were going that all he had to do was say he was a friend of the Scions and one of the groups had let him onto their boat in exchange for a little help moving their cargo around. He’d always wanted to go, but he’d never imagined ‘impending doom’ would be the circumstance. He had stood upon the deck of that boat as it approached the city feeling no joy, only the weight of many lives in the bag that thumped against his side with every step he took.

He knew he wouldn’t get the chance to see the city he’d always dreamed about. He didn’t deserve to anyway. But he had something to offer the cause, and he would see it into the right hands himself. His own had been the wrong ones for all too long, he would not risk allowing another to use it in that way.

It took him a bit to find Kito in the collection of people that had moved from the docks to Labyrinthos to work on the starship. But the moment they locked eyes, Kotah was ready for the lecture he got.

“What are you doing here? You can’t just walk into Sharlayan! We told you that!” Kito demanded, pulling him off to the side.

“I know. But there was something I had to give you. It’s not nearly enough, but this has a lot of aether stored in it. You know where it came from. I couldn’t place it in any hands others than yours directly” Kotah told him, opening the bag and holding its contents out.

It was an unusual stone, polished to perfection. Marred only by the strange Allagan technology fused to its surface.

Kotah knew Kito would recognize it. It had sat atop Kotah’s staff for a long time. The same staff he had taken many innocent lives with in pursuit of utter madness.

“You… you brought that here?” Kito’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“This aether was stolen. Lives were taken to collect it. Lives that didn’t deserve it. I will suffer the consequences for that for the rest of my life, as you have told me countless times. But… maybe their souls can find peace if it’s used for something good? Your ship needs power, and this is a lot of power” Kotah told him.

A part of him also just wanted to be rid of it. Looking at it made him sick. What had he done? What had he become? Would he have ever snapped out of his insanity without being forcibly removed from the world itself?

That wasn’t the man he was anymore. But that man’s shadow would always follow him. He should not and would not be forgiven. He was a terrible man, a killer and a criminal who had hurt countless people. Such things didn’t simply go away when you realized your wrongs. Not when they were that big.

There were times it broke him. The weight of his actions. Times he cursed himself for falling into that madness. Times he wished he could go back and redo his life and make everyone see him differently.

The greatest punishment of all, was simply continuing to live with it all.

But he could spend the time he still had trying to be better. And this seemed like the right choice.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if the Scions will want it. We’d have to talk to them…” Kito sighed.

“Do you want it?” Kotah asked.

Kito’s ears twitched in surprise.

“The Scions are great people. I’m glad you have them. And Urianger has become a good friend of mine. But you’re my brother. Whatever they decide, I want your thoughts first” Kotah added quickly.

“It’s… complicated. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But I think you have the right idea. That aether should be used for something good if it’s going to be used at all. And leaving it there is just asking for someone with other ideas to find it eventually, if not now then someday long after we’re dead. Using it for something truly good… I think that’s the only thing that can be done to honor those lives” Kito answered after a long moment of silent thought.

Kotah nodded, and the two of them set off to find the Scions.

How much Kito had grown. Kotah could still remember the shy child he’d been years ago, only lighting up outside their family when the conversation turned to plants. Now, even just walking across the settlement in Labyrinthos, the Miqo’te carried himself with a certain strength and nobility one could only describe as what a hero should be. He had become someone good. Someone worth following. Someone people believed in. Someone who’s legacy would continue to inspire people until the world ceased to be, as a long averted future had told them all too well.

How had Kotah ended up so far off track? They’d both suffered the same loss. And yet it had set them on such different paths. He had become someone to be feared. Someone unworthy of trust. Someone history would be quick to blot from its pages for fear his name would sully the images of the worthy.

And somehow the better one of the two was risking everything to save the world. Could Kotah really stay here yet again and wait for an unknown? Could he continue on in a crumbling world knowing his brother had died trying to save it if the worst came to pass?

His hands curled into fists, his nails digging into his palms.

No. He could not. Maybe his efforts would make no difference. But he had to try. He had to protect the family he had left. If nothing else, he could do that little bit of good for this world and for his family.

These were thoughts running through his mind, so intense that he barely even paid attention to Kito’s quick hushed conversation with the Scions as he pulled them all aside. He only heard enough to know their answer: they would accept his offering. They agreed that if anything would offer any release to these souls, it was this.

And so as they thanked him for what he’d chosen to do, he ended up blurting out what he knew he wanted to do.

“I’m coming with you. I have to. Please”

Glances were exchanged between the Scions and Warrior of Light. Kotah’s long viera ears fell against his head, making him look suddenly much smaller and less determined than he’d felt.

“I know it probably looks bad. I know my presence in anything looks bad. But I can’t let you do this alone. If you don’t come back I can’t sit here watching the world burn knowing I could have done something. And even if you succeed, what if the cost is too high? I can’t be left down here knowing this world could have had all of you. I wouldn’t be a big loss out there if it came to it, but any of you would be. Let me help you” he pleaded.

The Scions quickly gathered close together and spoke in hushed voices. It was Urianger who gave their answer, his expression soft and understanding.

“This is not a matter of politics. That has always been the primary reason thy presence has been a delicate matter. Thou hast proven thy loyalty to us back upon the First, and I would never deny thy strength when I was the one who mentored thee in astrology. But one cannot go to battle intending to give their life over to death’s grasp. Thou art welcome to fight alongside us, but do not throw thine own life away so swiftly. Thy goal must be to return alongside us” 

“I can do my best. I won’t let any of you die, but I know full well you all feel the same way about each other. And for the world with your plan to go at all. I will only risk as much as the rest of you, I promise” Kotah swore.

And that was how a criminal, a man deserving of no honor, ended up traveling to the edge of the universe alongside the world’s most beloved heroes.

[usernamesuggestionsarefunny]

“Lost Crown” by Sarah Miller has issues (Or I am extremely nitpicky when it comes to OTMAA)

I love “Lost Crown.” I may repeat that a thousand times. It is an almost perfect book and I doubt any Romanov historical fiction book will ever compare to “Lost Crown” in quality of writing, characterization, historical accuracy, depicting the love this family had for each other, wholesomeness, and pretty much anything else. I have reread that book three times. I admire Sarah Miller a lot for what she accomplished, hers is one of the few books I have re-read and I swear I hate re-reading the same books, so this is a huge deal.

If you are looking for a review praising it though, you are in the wrong place, because I actually think the book is flawed and I am going to be talking exclusively about said flaws (Single flaw? It depends on how you see it, it is mostly one issue).

I love “Lost Crown”, but I am also ridiculously sensitive regarding Sarah Millerʼs attitude towards Alexandra and Alexei, the latter most of all, because he was a child.

“People can stomach the political necessity of executing the tsar, the empress, and maybe the 13-year-old heir to the throne, but there was no reason for those four sisters to die”- Sarah Miller.

That is from an interview. I can not find the exact source, but I am sure I read it somewhere and that it is accurate. Sure, she was talking about what OTHER people feel about Alexeiʼs death when compared to OTMAʼs, but she did NOT make her own opinion known, which makes me think she either doesn't consider that way of thinking discusting or even disagrees too much.

Wow, Miller, really? Does that mean that if Nicholas had removed the Pauline Laws you would have “stomached” the deaths of these girls you wrote a masterpiece about better?

Nothing against Sarah Miller herself, as many people outside the niche Romanov fandom bubble have this mindset, but I genuinely find these sorts of comments and opinions gross. For any who think like that:

A) Premeditatedly (And assuming you are of sound mind) killing innocents for super logic and pragmatic, even downright Einstein level of genius political reasons is just as evil as killing them for any other reason. Yes, ANY other reason. Come at me with whatever “buts” you like. The reasoning of murderers throughout history may be diverse, more or less understandable, or even nonexistent in some cases, but if the effects are the same (Innocents end up dead as a consequence of their immediate actions), then they are just as evil in my eyes.

B) They also had political reasons to kill the girls. They could have been used as a White symbol of resistance against the Bolsheviks, who also wanted to demoralize the upcoming armies by killing the entire family (Further proof that “tactical” doesn't take away from the “evil” of it all).

C) He was 13, the literal youngest, you psychos. His murder was as wrong, sickening, shocking, and unjustified as that of his sisters. I don't care if he doesn't fit your aesthetics OTMA-edit-blog-whatever “Which Romanov Sister are you most like?” quiz or feminist college dissertation on how OTMA were overlooked in favor of him (Bo freaking hoo you care more than OTMA, who loved their brother, did, get over it).

Ok, rant over, let's get to the point. This all brings me to the only aspect of “Lost Crown” I have trouble coming to terms with: It is obvious reading it that Sarah Miller feels little for Alexei, projects those feelings onto the girls, and the worst part is that people don't notice. Well, I do. At first I thought I was seeing things, because not a single Romanov enthusiast had pointed out the same stuff I have issues with, but then I read that quote in the interview and thought: “Maybe I am not so crazy after all, I may be a sensitive little bitch, true, but I am not crazy” lol.

It should be said that I don’t think like this because I consider Alexei’s characterization on Lost Crown bad, on the contrary.

Alexeiʼs characterization is perfect in my view, and it is clear that Sarah Miller did her research on his personality, which is not what troubles me. She might feel “little” for him (Sorry, vibes she gives) but she does feel, I have never claimed she is not compassionate. It is hard to read about him without feeling a twinge of compassion. Sarah does feel for him and his illness, it is clear she does.

The best portrayal I have read of Alexei in Romanov fiction is actually from Sarah Miller’s Lost Crown. It is clear she TRIED to write him with a lot of empathy and sensitivity. But here is the thing, Sarah flawlessly described the POV of each sister but decided not to include Alexei’s POV, which I believe she would have been perfectly capable of handling. I read a review that said that Sarah probably knew too many POVs would ruin the book, but I think that is just silly, because four POVs are already too much. If you are fine with using four I don’t think a fifth one would ruin the story. Sarah is a talented writer, if she had wanted to include Al, she would have.

I think maybe Sarah felt Alexei’s POV was unnecessary for a book marketed towards teenage girls, or that it “ruined” the almost perfect young adult theme of the four sisters. I mean, even “serious” nonfiction author, Helen Rappaport, left Alexei out of the title of her “Four sisters” book, even though the book also talked about him a lot, almost as much as it talked about each of the four sisters individually. Alternatively, Sarah didn’t WANT to include his POV because of reasons already mentioned, she didn’t feel as much for him, which is fine, I mean, it is her book. This is not necessarily the issue.

What I truly freaking dislike are all those scenes where “Olga” is literally jealous of Alexei. Once, because he was allowed a friend to play with him in Tobolsk while her own friend was sent away (Ok, fair, that made a lot of sense), and the second time, when he was comforted in the Rus because he was afraid of the gunshots (The soldiers were killing seagulls). It makes sense Olga was afraid and wanted comfort as well, especially on the infamous Rus where they were not allowed to lock their doors, but her character gave these vibes: “Why DoNt theeyy comfOrt uus? Whaat about uss? He doesnʼt even need it as much!! His fear is not ValiD in comparison to ours!!! I am so jealous and resentful of my brother and I am totally Olga you guys!!!!”

The worst part is when Tatiana is jealous that the fake rescuers wanted to take Alexei down the window first (Oh, I don't know… maybe because he was ill and taking him down would be the hardest thing to do?! Maybe because as Sarah Miller HERSELF said, his murder made most political sense, and at that time, it was logical people thought he was in the most danger??), and “Tatiana”, the most mature, virtually Alexei’s second mother, and the best friend of politically astute Olga, who was bound to know all of this, was jealous, something we are the readers are supposed to view as “fair” and sympathize with.

I would have believed this jealousy arousing from fear coming from Anastasia, the youngest girl and almost a child herself, but not 21-year-old Tatiana. Romanov fans love bitching about authors making up fake cat fights between the girls and antagonizing them, which I sympathize with, one of many reasons “The Tsarina's daughter” was trashed (As it should be) and I don't want to read it. But Sarah Miller makes Tatiana jealous of the fact her disabled brother (Who it makes more political sense to kill) is being put into consideration first in a dangerous rescue attempt and no one bats an eye only because “Lost Crown” has more prestige in the fandom, and “Tsarina's daughter” was in general inaccurate, had insulting scenes, and the author had the nerve to give it a more satisfying ending by making Tatiana survive (Oh no! That didn't actually happen! The horror!! How dare the author put fiction in that fiction book!!!!).

I don't care anymore if people come at me. It is almost perfect, but some parts still irritate me and feel as insulting as parts of “The Tsarina's daughter”, or even the “The Last Tsars” and “The Passion of Marie Romanov” scenes where Maria has sex with a guard. Yea, THOSE scenes. There, I said it. Parts of “Lost Crown” actually offended me MORE, because Maria exploring her sexuality (gasp! horror!) with a guard in FICTION is not as bad as “the Romanov sisters mocking their little brotherʼs fictional self-harm issues” in fiction (I will get to that). Oh! And an added plus is that the author of “The Passion of Marie Romanov” is, as I am, just as horrified about the murder of Alexei as she is about the murder of his innocent sisters, as everyone should be.

Not only are Olga and Tatiana irritatingly jealous and resentful of her brother... but Anastasia is irritatingly jealous and resentful of her brother. The one described as the closest to her brother is. She is suuper annoyed about the family focusing so much on him after they all arrived at Ekaterinburg. Picture this: She has been separated from her parents and favorite sister, her other half of the pair, for weeks. She has missed Maria and wants to see her “so much it is pathetic'' (As she similarly described in a letter), she has worried for their well being and their conditions for weeks, and instead of being happy about the reunion, she is resentful about her brother receiving more attention from his mother for his silly “so painful it can make you pass out” hemophilia attack. She literally says something similar to “what is the use of being together again after weeks of worry and longing if people are paying so much attention to my sick brother, also, I totally am Anastasia, the same girl that wrote a letter to Ekaterinburg talking about how sweet Alexei was, you guys, the same girl that tried to cheer him up and make him laugh when he was ill you guys” *rolls eyes*

“But usernamesuggestionsarefunny...” you say, “you are too sensitive,” you say. “They could have had those thoughts of jealousy for their brother in real life because they were human!” You say.

I am fine with the authors exploring less than perfect sides of the characters (But Alexei-related jealousy issues are the go-to for most Romanov fiction writers, it is overused and rarely done differently, I said what I said), it is fiction, and in real life they weren't perfect and must have had their fights, we just have less information on that. What I don't like is when the narrative doesn't call it out as something wrong, or it villianizes, even if slightly, one of the characters, making you take the other characterʼs side even when, once you reflect about it, is not 100% guaranteed. It is especially obvious why these scenes annoy me when you consider we don't actually get Alexei´s POV. Sarah Miller didn't give us one. So we are just supposed to sympathise with Olgaʼs and only Olgaʼs thoughts and feelings of jealousy, not with Alexei´s own fear of gunshots. We are supposed to sympathize with Anastasiaʼs feelings of jealousy. We never know if Alexei sensed this resentment coming from his favorite sister, how it made him feel if it did, sometimes he is almost treated as some obstacle of sorts to the girls´ happiness instead of a character, I don't know how to explain it, but it is so blatant and annoying.

Oh wait! None of what I mentioned before is the worst part of the book, the part that angered me the most, that angered me more than “Maria having fictional sex with a guard” levels of anger. I leave that for the last part of my rant: The worst part is that Sarah Miller literally implies that after they arrived at Ekaterinburg, Alexei hurt himself on purpose. Now, I don't think this is true in real life, but I understand why Sarah Miller got the idea from: Nicholas´s diary entry, where he mentioned that Alexei bumped his knee against the bed “as if on purpose”. I personally think his expression was meant more as a “This is so freaking inconvenient” or “Why did it have to happen now?” kind of thing, like, Alexei was not in the best health before and now the bump had made the situation worse, you know what I mean? Maybe Nicholas was even annoyed at Alexeiʼs carelessness, but that is it. I donʼt think Nicholas meant he LITERALLY thought Alexei had done it on purpose. He just didn't, in my opinion. It is also possible he was simply going through a typical puberty growth spurt, which as most teenage boys and men are aware, makes you a bit clumsy because you are growing too fast and can´t calculate the size of your limbs lol.

Now, I am not bothered by Sarah Miller's interpretation of Alexei doing it on purpose. It wouldn't bother me even if it could be 100% disproven (I literally support escape plot fictional additions in Romanov fiction for the sake of the plot/story/character development/satisfying end/you name it wholeheartedly). It is fiction after all. I just want serious elements added or included in the story to be treated with the severity they guarrant.

Sarah made the girls aware of the fact their brother might have hit himself on purpose, which, considering his illness, would have caused him a lot of pain, like, A LOT, and it did. He kept his family awake with moans of pain in real life. I am sure Sarah Miller knows about this. I am sure by this point in his life Alexei knew his own body enough to realize this as well if it were true that he did it on purpose (Which I genuinely doubt). This tiny “detail” she decided to include in her book was literally self-harm.

Well, she made the four girls dismiss their brotherʼs self-harm as something selfish he did for attention, and I felt sick. I knew girls in junior high, around Alexei´s age, who did this. No laughing matter, and SUPER out of character for OTMA, even, I would venture, Anastasia, to dismiss this with a laugh as they did, but for some reason not even literal Romanov experts and scholars in the book reviews who are faaar more knowledgeable than me noticed this, maybe because they were blatantly tricked by the narrative (And so were you).The girls making light of their brother self-harming is treated by the narrative as a “cute” and “funny” sister bonding moment (It literally is treated that way, why did no one else notice? Why am I the only one upset about this?). The girls were right and their brother is an attention-seeking asshole for self harming. Also, self-harm is funny and if people do it “for attention” (Which in fact means there are deeper mental health issues that should be attended to), it should not be taken seriously. That is what we are supposed to get from that scene.

This wouldn't bother me if, again, we got Alexeiʼs point of view of this situation, so we the readers could see why he is doing what he is doing and empathize, maybe raise awareness to the serious mental health topic of self harm. Like seriously, hemorrhages into the joints, or in general some hemorrhages cause a lot of pain, and I think Romanov fans underestimate just how much. For example, in Spala, he sometimes had to pass out to be free from it. If he had bumped his knee as a form of self harm knowing it would cause that sort of physical pain, it would have probably meant that his emotional pain was becoming almost unbearable to cope with. That is one of the explanations people who self harm give (Not the only reason people self harm though, and it is much more complex than that), that the physical pain distracts them from the emotional pain. Like seriously, few people would go through that pain for attention, but we the readers are just supposed to believe Alexei was “playing with his illness”, and that he was not taking into account his motherʼs *cough cough his jealous sistersʼ cough cough* suffering.

Like for real, read the following passage from Anastasiaʼs pov and imagine if Alexei had been a 13-year-old girl and her older sisters mocked her self-harm issues behind her back, we would be calling the sisters bitches, Cinderellaʼs step sisters. If the older sisters were older BROTHERS people would go even further, some would call them abusive and uncaring pricks. Think about it for a second, how the way the narrative portrays something tricks you to see this as a “cute” sister bonding moment.

~

Every time the crowd in the doorway thins, I can see our brother sitting there in Maria’s cot like it’s a striped throne and he’s Tsar Aleksei II.

“I bet he hurt his knee on purpose,” I whisper to my sisters.

“If that’s true, I’d like to take him across my own knee,” Olga says.

“Olga!” Tatiana scolds. “How could you?”

“After what we went through for all those weeks because he was too sick to move? It isn’t fair to play with his illness like that.”

“The first time was not on purpose, Olga.”

“I know it. But think of how Mama suffers. It’s selfish of him.”

“Mama doesn’t seem to mind,” I say. “She looks pretty pleased to have someone to fuss over.” Tatiana’s jaw falls open so far her teeth ought to drop out. “And the only good part so far is that Mama’s hovered so much, Aleksei hasn’t had a chance to notice his own dog is missing.”

“Don’t, Nastya,” Maria begs. “Not on our first day all together again.”

I shut my mouth, but what’s the use of being all together again if everybody’s going to set up camp around Aleksei’s cot and never mind the rest of us?

-

Lmao I can't with “Anastasia” here. She is so selfish and annoying, sue me.

Nooo, H-O-W D-A-R-E Alexei have legitimate mental health issues as a result of his imprisonment when the book is about OTMA and THEIR thoughts and emotions during imprisonment? How dare I expect Alexei to be treated as a character and not a prop or obstacle to show how nice the poor girls are to put up with his spoilt ass, the attention he gets and his silly "selfish" cries for help?

Sarah actually does give us scenes of Alexei coping with the separation from his parents. His character is treated sensibly while he is at Tobolsk, and to that I give the author a lot of credit, but if she had already touched upon Alexei’s coping, as well as some of his feelings about the separation and of his illness, what was the need to include this fictional self-harm mini plot then? To make it about the girls and how much it annoys them? This is another thing I have noticed, a small minority of exclusively OTMA fans, most often people new to the last imperial family (so Sarah Miller has no excuse lol), talk about Alexei´s illness as if the only real victims were the girls, the people forced to”put up” with it and how much their brother's illness diverted their mother's attention from them, and Sarah Miller does write about Alexei´s illness like this in SOME parts of her book, which is infuriating. This does NOT mean the girls were not deeply affected, or the side effects of his illness, including potential favoritism, should not be mentioned or even extensively explored in fiction, but I don't like when it is made out to be the only important thing, when Alexei is right there, literally about to die in excruciating agony or something but... oh,well.

By the way, how come no author writes about how it affects the girls to see or know their brother is suffering? How come that is not made into a source of conflict for them? Pierre Gillard literally writes it affected their moods, never mentioned jealousy. Like seriously it would be super interesting, kind of accurate and still focus exclusively on the girls if that is what the author is most interested in, but I guess writers prefer to project THEIR personal “my parents loved my youngest sibling more than me” traumas onto OTMA lmao. I mean, Pierre Gillard said his sisters worshiped him, which I genuinely think is hyperbolic and immensely whitewashed. I take the “too good to be true” memoirs with a grain of salt, just like most people and *clearly* Sarah Millar. Of course the girls were human, and I think they got fed up with and bored of their brother once in a while, but if Pierre wrote that they worshiped him it was because he mainly witnessed love between them, more than fights or resentment, and he wanted that love remembered. Why is it the LAST thing remembered in Romanov fiction then? Why does Sarah Miller gloss over that at the worst possible times?

Romanov fans know this is a book true to reality that has no escapes or twists, so this self-harm side-plot leads to NOWHERE in the narrative, a total dead end (Absolutely no pun intended). It was literally added for the “lols”, or as a mini side plot. I hated it, I truly did.

How dare I expect something as serious as self harm to be given importance by the narrative after the author herself decided to add it to the story for no reason at all when she could have easily explained the incident away as an accident? Like seriously, that diary account from Nicholas is all we have and in no way is Alexei doing it on purpose the only valid or even most obvious explanation. If you still want to write about it, good! It might be interesting! But treat it S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y I guess I am super sensitive but that is just me. I literally can't believe no one else has pointed this out.

Not everyone will get the reference, but an example of characters being treated unfairly by popular characters, and the narrative wanting to make you side with the popular characters, who are being unjust, is the case of Percy and the twins from Harry Potter. I love the twins and don't care for Percy that much. The twins are my favorite characters, but the fact is that they were bullies to Percy, and the narrative never called this out. It made you side with the twins and not Percy. It made you angry at Percy for his admittedly cruel actions but not the twins for their unwarranted mocking of their brother. After Percy apologized, the twins should have also done so, but this never happened. According to the narrative, the twins did nothing wrong.

Obviously, the popular characters in this case are the Grand Duchesses, who in Lost Crown didn't actually do anything nearly as bad as the twins. It was just gossip and private thoughts, but again... Alexeiʼs POV people! We don't get it! Or at least, if Sarah didn't want to write it or it took too much space, an explanation of his self-destructive behaviour through a heartfelt talk between the siblings. The narrative convinces you that the way the sisters are talking about their self-harming brother is completely fine. It never calls it out, it never proves them wrong, in fact, most readers didn't notice nor cared, but might come to internalize the belief that people who self harm are attention seeking, or that people that are chronically ill are wrong to have mental health issues because they are not being “grateful” enough to the people who care for them, they are being “unfair” to them, and not “appreciating” all the caretakers have had to do for their sake. It is a pretty toxic message, I don´t know, don´t mind me, I am a sensitive little bitch.

Alexei behaves horribly with Anastasia in Ekaterinburg as well, by the way. I hated him in that scene. He “pranks” her in a way that could have easily killed her. But the anecdote is told from Anastasiaʼs POV, we rightfully side with her and see how scared she is. The narrative shows us Alexei crossed the line, that is the difference.

To be honest, this other book is objectively less accurate, but I preferred “Anastasia and her sisters” to “Lost Crown”. Sure it has a made up romance between Anastasia and Botkinʼs son, and you know what? That innocent fictional addition is not nearly as harmful as Sarah Millerʼs diary-entry-based self-harm side plot and the possible message it sends to the readers, something that, admittedly, she may have not realized as she wrote it was harmful.

Another thing, this is more tongue in cheek. The only sister who never thinks of Alexei with humorous over the top resentment is, as far as I can remember, Maria (At least my fave Maria escaped from that terrible detail in the girlsʼ characterization lol). I appreciate Maria never did so, not even when Alix said “Thank God it wasnʼt Alexei!” when Maria hurt her eye. The only thing Maria thought was that her motherʼs expression hurt her feelings, which I completely get. I mean, that line was so obnoxious and obviously put there to show the readers how horrible Alexeiʼs existence was for the girls lmao, and it is impressive that Sarah Miller held herself back there from making Maria have an internal monologue on how little her mother loves her even though it was clear what Alix meant (Though I still don't like the line, it was downright cruel, sure Alix could have said it in a moment of carelessness, but in context with the rest of the book, it sounds as if the author was trying to tell me: “Look how poor OTMA were neglected by Alix in favor of the brat Alexei”). Mariaʼs love for her brother is also connected by the narrative to her nurturing nature and longing to be a mother, which was so ashfkdfhgdfgi I loved it! I canʼt believe Sarah Miller seems to think the same way as I do, that Mariaʼs personality makes it unlikely she was not as close to her brother.

The fact Maria is often talked about as the “jealous” one or “least close” to her brother for literally no reason (no evidence whatsoever) makes me consider the fact she escaped this book intact from resentment a triumph honestly, at least in that aspect I applaud Sarah Miller.

Tatiana doesn't escape from the rescentful part of the characterization, and many of the times she worries about Alexei, she clearly does so solely for her mother's sake (Literally, when she is caring for Alexei she barely thinks of him as a brother but as her motherʼs “sunbeam”, when Alexei calls for his mother in a clearly upset tone because they just literally ARRESTED his sailor nanny, Tatiana is like: how ddaaare he annoy my poor sick mother!!! When he is EQUALLY SICK!!). I loved the way Miller portrayed Tatianaʼs love for Alexandra btw. Tatianaʼs love for Alexei just doesn't appear to be as genuine as that of Maria in this book.

In conclusion, Lost Crown was almost perfect, and I have waaay less problem with the book than I have with the way the fandom blindly worships it as if it were the Bible of Romanov historical fiction. Sure, love it! I have read it 3 times and plan to do so again, maybe that is why I noticed these details while other fans did not, maybe I love it more than you do guys lol. In fact, I advise you to read it again, or buy and read it if you haven´t, maybe you will do so with new eyes, maybe not. But don't just appeal to it as authority on what good Romanov fiction is. Lost Crown is far from perfect, and if you have stuff you have issues with (I hope someone will say something in the comments, maybe even something new, and prove I am not alone, lol), or you like another Romanov fiction book more, even “silly” and inaccurate “they escape” fantasy books, you should be free to speak your mind without being called ignorant.

[marvelousfangirl01]

REST IN PEACE, THE HAUNTING’S FREE (Part IV)

RATING: M for Graphic Depictions of Violence

Please pop over to Ao3 where this fic is also available! https://archiveofourown.org/works/43721379/chapters/109942566 :)

---

Shit.

The black widow bride was back, dead but alive, able to think and feel for herself. What had George done to deserve this? Had his mental state gone so far south that he couldn’t hold the curse any longer?

George didn’t foresee himself returning to Leota’s seance chamber at any point in his afterlife, yet here he was.

“Georgie!” Leota’s gravelly voice was an endless echo in the chamber. The odd glow of the room, the bizarrely textured and colorful rugs, and Leota’s bright-green face… It all made George feel a bit woozy. “Good to see you again!”

George waved feebly to the enchantress. “I need your help, Leota,” George stated. “I made a terrible mistake. I… let her out.” George knelt next to Leota’s crystal ball. His knees felt like they were about to buckle. Leota was an averagely beautiful woman with sweet eyes and flowing hair—though nowhere near as beautiful as Constance. George was ashamed that he was even objectively looking at Leota.

No. Constance was evil. He should not be looking objectively at Constance either – he had no loyalty to her. She was his killer…

Just let it go already! George scolded himself. His hatbox was filled with his head again. He was not happy with Constance at this moment. If he were, he wouldn’t be here in Madame Leota’s chamber asking for revenge once again!

“It was all an accident,” George sighed. “I was afraid and it got out of control… I felt my hands shaking and then it was like the whole house was shaking…”

He was entirely out of breath.

“Mmm,” Leota hummed, eyes glowing. “Sounds like you want revenge.”

“What?” George denied it, but the psychic was correct. “You’re jumping right to the point…”

“I know you, Hightower. You are a hardworking man who won’t give up his successes for anything.” Leota’s crystal ball began to levitate higher. George craned his skull to see her. Developing in her eyes was a crazed look, one that would put Constance’s large blue eyes to shame. And maybe it wasn’t totally wrong to look at pretty Leota, the one who had saved his life for many years and kept Constance at bay.

Leota had her affairs going, though. She’d dabbled in relationships with ghosts and ghouls alike. Besides, the crystal ball situation was… inconvenient, for physical touch.

If anything, George just wanted Constance back. For himself.

“But you won’t escape your past if you keep fighting for those same successes you once had,” Leota continued.

George reeled. “How can I let it go when it’s been part of my life for so long? When I wake up I only think of her, Leota. I want to keep her enslaved but also set her free. I want to escape her, yet I don’t. I hate her yet I love her.”

The panic would never subside. Months of dancing in the empty foyer of Hightower Mansion, years of clinking glasses flowing with ruby red wine, a lifetime of kisses that George just wanted to get back, a death by hatchet… the memories would always assault him.

Unless, in fact, he could get Constance back.

“I have an idea.”

George hadn’t realized he spoke at the same time as Leota, but the green crystal ball was already emitting an unusually bright color.

“Does this excite you?” Leota’s voice echoed once again, but not due to the seance chamber’s open space; no, this was a work of her magic.

Constance’s precious face, gold with radiance and youthful beauty, appeared as a blockade in front of him. She clasped her hands innocently over her heart, just as she always did, but the hatchet didn’t appear. A few more seconds and she would’ve started murmuring sweet nothings to George.

“Leota, you think… we could bring her back?”

“Yes. With the amount of care you still harbor for her, it would be easy to materialize a past version of Constance and use that to trap her instead of using the attic.”

It was sick; it was horrible.

And yet, all of it was perfect.

“So if this goes according to plan, she won’t remember our argument just now, nor will she remember her act of murder?”

“It will all cease to exist for her because she will be trapped in her past.”

“Will she still be plotting for the best time to kill me?” George’s head shuddered again. The thought and precision put into her killing were pure evil. “She thought about it for our entire marriage, I am sure.”

Leota dropped back to her position on the table, no longer floating like an angel. She went silent.

“I cannot be sure. That thought would be associated with the past version of Constance.” The enchantress clicked her tongue. “I suppose it would just exemplify your past life, if she were to remain obsessed with killing you. Besides, you can’t die again. You’re already dead.”

“I’m already dead.”

George was entranced. Women, visions, surrounded him. Supple breasts pressed against his naked chest. Soft red lips kissing his collarbone. The silver hatchet, ruby blood spilling on the carriage cushions. And perhaps there was something to be said about the way George liked Constance’s obsessive mind, her crazed eyes when she got the slightest bit mad.

We’re all a little crazed here, George reasoned. There was no reason to be so attracted to Constance. Leota wore floating curly hair that glowed when she was excited; Constance, a murderess with a disappearing hatchet; even George’s own head had a habit of its own, one that embarrassed him very frequently.

But now Constance’s instability was Hightower’s once again, and he would never have to remember the result of it. The axe would never actually strike him. And if she did attack him, he would not feel the pain, and could quickly ask Leota to reverse the memories so that Constance could perform the entire marriage again. A sickening dance, a staged performance.

He—and she—would be dancing in their memories, forever into the depths of their afterlife.

And Constance would have no escape from George’s perfect life.