#it's nothing personal i cant even remember why i blocked it i think it just spammed my dash LMAO

[holytrickster]

honestly i get embarrassed i don't have like. a single other interest I'm as into because i just know everyone around me is probably sick of it

[hella1975]

you just reblogged a post from a succession blog i follow istg i had a stroke when i saw that username and yours together when worlds collide ig

im stalking u bestie im in ur walls

[mmediocreman]

about jjk leaks (latest chapter)

so i got leaked... not by my own account, a friend told me. and im actually on a jjk hiatus since july ish. which means i dont consume any jjk stuff nor do i draw them.

but the leak my friend told me is just something i cant ignore, so for the first time i drew something (the latest shoko related drawings)

even when i got leaked early and drew something early i still try to post it after official release, which.. after months of not thinking abt jjk i misremembered as being minggu malem (the night of sat to sun) but its actually malem minggu, (the night of sun to mon) its a language thing and im generally bad at remembering

so i posted the stuff like 18 hours early, by mistake

aaaaand i got hate comments, again, from japanese people of the fandom. like even when i say i didnt get leaked on my own accord and it was an honest mistake that does nothing does it? bc they just wanna harass people. and if i have to 'delete' it to make it up to them, why? why cant they just block me, ill be honest and i dont wanna lose the comments i already got.

idk coming back to the jjk fandom esp on twitter was a mistake, i can stop ppl from commenting but not qrt.. unless i privated my stuff, but i already blocked that person. like i already admit i was in the wrong why the fuck do i have to do stuff on my profile when you dont even follow me to cater to your needs when you can just fucking block me?

ill reiterate what i said on my previous post regarding the same topic. if you wanna complain on your page thats fine, you do you but to think you have the right to do that on someone else's?? gurl...

sorry i just needed to vent, i know the internet is a shitty place lol

[toxicruins101]

"I'm sorry" Tommyinnit x Male! Emotionless! Reader.

PLATONIC

Angst

TW: Screaming, blood, injuries, fighting, swearing, guilt tripping.

Read at your own risk.

Tommy had always enjoyed m/n's company, even though he acted like a robot and had zero clue of how a human acts.

Tommy didn't know why but m/n had never shown any emotion it was like his body and mind were blocking off that part of him, tommy always wondered what m/n's personality would be like.

Would he be sarcastic, playful and happy?

Or dramatic, quiet and skillful?

Yet as of now to Tommy m/n was a total ass.

Tommy walked by the oath to his house holding his arm blocking it from freeing more blood as his eye was bruised and closed blood and injuries covered his arms and face as he walked.

M/n ran behind him untroubled with a blank face catching up to him while slowing down at his side.

Tommy turned and went to his house ignoring his friend and went inmideatly to a chest taking some bandages and a healing potion, he drank the potion and some minor injuries closed up.

He started at the chest and if items could die that chest would be long gone.

M/n stood behind him.

"Tommy?" he heard m/n's blank voice behind him but he only glared harder at the chest a million thoughts swarming his head.

"Tommy." spoke m/n again but this time only hatred swarmed his head as the burning sensation of despair, hate, sadness, bubbled in his chest as he wanted to scream, fight, cry, create a ruckus.

But nothing came out, just pure silence.

"what the fuck is wrong with you." spoke Tommy his voice has never been deadlier

He frased his words like a question yet it was anything but

"huh?..." spoke m/n confusion sparked across his features yet he knew better

"you heard me, what the FUCK, is wrong with you?!" screamed Tommy while turning around and looking at m/n tears welling up in his eyes

"AND YOU JUST WATCHED AS THAT MONSTER, THAT MONSTER-" spoke Tommy but got cut off

"Dream?" asked m/n

Tommy got his sword out and pointed it at m/n's neck, tears threatening to fall at any given moment.

"Dont" he spoke a dangerous tone to his voice as his grip on the sword never flattered neither did it's position on m/n's neck

M/n just stared at the sword with no fear and no emotion seen, he raised his hand and tried to love it away but Tommy's grip was firm and stayed there.

M/n simply stared at the cuts on his fingers as the blood spread around his fingers but he didn't mind it he just took Tommy's left over bandages and wrapped them around his fingers making sure they were tight so they stopped the bleeding.

"what's wrong?" Spoke m/n as he looked at tommy who had been glaring at him the whole time, fists clenched in anger.

"everything

Everything is fucking wrong

Your supposed to be my friend, someone i can trust"

Spoke tommy getting angrier by the minute

Hatred filling his veins as his thoughts and reason became blinded by rage.

"yet you fucking watched as that monster brought me to the brink of death." Tommy said tears threatening to fall again and his voice started getting closer and closer to screaming.

"but you wanted to fight him, you challenged him if I remember" you said as a matter of fact.

"yes, but if you were thinking straight you'd know that when your FRIEND is getting his ass kicked by his ENEMY, YOU'D STEP IN TO SAVE THEM INSTEAD OF WATCHING AS IF THIS WAS SOME TYPE OF FUCKING CIRCUS" screamed tommy at m/n as the only thing processing through his brain was anger.

Before m/n could respond tommy continued his speech.

"I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT THE PERSON I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS WOULD HAVE MY BACK, FUCKING EXCUSE ME FOR ASSUMING YOU'D AT LEAST BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT"

"JUST BECAUSE YOU CANT PROCESS EMOTION DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T FUCKING HUMAN, DO YOU EVEN HAVE A THOUGHT PROCESS OR DO YOU JUST STAND THERE ALL DAY WATCHING PEOPLE GET BEATEN UP AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT, CAUSE OH POOR YOU CANT FEEL A FUCKING THING."

"HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF STANDING ALL DAY DOING NOTHING YOU DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE WITH YOUR LIFE AND GET A FUCKING MOVE ON ASSHOLE."

Tommy screamed at you without making eye contact and turning around to gather more things

Honestly he was fucking tired of your behaviour, he cared about you but sometimes enough is enough

God, he reminded himself of Wilbur in pogtopia screaming at him for every little thing he did wrong.

Did he go to far?

No it's fine, m/n probably-

He heard the sound of water falling on the hard floor and looked outside

It wasn't raining, then-

Tommy turned around and saw m/n there wide eyes as tears fell after one another from his eyes.

He went to speak but was cut off by his own raggedy breathing

M/n composed himself and looked down as he continued crying.

"I'm sorry" spoke his voice this time filled with guilt and sorrow.

(A/n: I really want to do a enemies to lovers story with dream on here, would you guys like that? It would be like all the other stories on my page but it would be much more emotional so if you guys don't want that then just tell me so yeeeahhh)

[ivoncu]

× . 𝗟𝗢𝗪𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗡𝗘'𝗦 𝗘𝗬𝗘𝗦.

pairings. t. eichi/reader.

synopsis. you were someone dearest to eichi, it really is a shame it has to end this way, but you brought your downfall upon yourself even after his warnings.

content. angst, set in place during the war arc, implied suicide? (reader), dancing w him, he "executed" reader, can be read romantically or platonically?

(n) — take this shitty eichi angst while i work my way through writers block. i shouldnt have written this since i forgot most of the things that happened in the war but i cant get my grubby hands off the angst material it gives </3

Tension rose amongst you and the students of Yumenosaki—especially between you and Eichi, although it is probably one-sided in Eichi's part.

He knew although you were quiet; you were still stubborn. He had seen it before, watching you on stage all alone like that against powerful units of Yumenosaki.

You were truly an irrational idiot, but somehow he was enamoured by you.

And as he stands in front of you in the same stage he'd see you perform; all words disappeared one after another.

Why must you be so stubborn? Why won't you just back away when he specifically told you to stay out of his way?

He shouldn't even feel this sad, you brought this to yourself. Furthermore, he has already made up with the fact that he only views you as a tool to success; all like the others.

Sacrificing you is one step closer to it.

"We've come far, Tenshouin." You suddenly spoke, breaking him away from his train of thoughts.

"... Right. And to think that I'd be fighting against someone dearest to me too." He hung his head low, further trying to fight away the sadness soon envelopes his whole heart.

"And to think that you started off as a lonely boy too." Ah, how irritating. Must you really bring that up?

Nonetheless, he's still sad; this'll be the last time he'd ever hear you, no?

"But I never lied, Eichi."

Suddenly, you pulled him in closer, hands intertwined with one another. For one last time, you looked at him in the eyes. Just like this.

The crowds erupt into cheering at your sudden fanservice, but all of those entered and left his ears.

On this stage, it'll be the last time he would ever see you in an equal ground.

"Neither have I lied before," he suddenly swift you in, "—at least not to you." He twirled you around and dipped you onto the ground. Your lower half fallen as your hands gripped onto Eichi's hand for dear life.

"For an ill person, you sure do have a lot of energy to waste." You looked up to him, a smirk crawling up your face.

He knew that smirk; it wasn't your usual smirk, it seemed more nervous.

You were nervous.

"Fufu, I do want to give it my all fighting against you."

"But the promise we made, [Name]—it will not be broken." he said, letting go of your hand completely, the fall you faced was gentle; but you're sure after this fight your fall will be much worse.

For now, everybody's attention is on you. Every slight mistake you make, the crowds can see it—if not, the people you're about to fight against will.

Your mind wandered to his words before your performance. Right the promise. But do you even have the time to think about it now? This'll be your last time dancing on this stage, you should put in your all into it.

... But you're still going to be defeated completely to plump by that friend of yours, wouldn't you?

The thought made you stumble on your own feet; nonetheless, you had the perfect cover-up for it and continued performing as if nothing had happened.

"If we are to be separated, if we are to lose our way; I shall make sure we'll be connected, no matter how many times it takes." He whispered those words. You remember it vividly.

It was you who made that promise. From the corner, you and Eichi made eye contact. His smile still lingers, but you knew him well. He was sad that this has to happen.

If only you could just stay right there with him for a little longer. If only you were a better use to him to the point where he'd at least try and put in some effort in preventing you from doing this.

This feeling; it isn't love. It isn't hatred either, so what is it? Do you hate that man? Yes you do. But do you wish you'd just stay by his side forever? Yes you do.

Feelings are complicated, you wish you could be saved by this feeling instead.

Your performance ends and soon fine came out, dancing with grace and brilliance that you wish you'd achieve before you retire as an idol.

But you suppose you cannot get everything you want in your life.

The vote rendered to fine by a lot; a humiliating defeat for you, but you didn't care.

You clapped for they had stood victorious once again, your face soften as Eichi's only grows sadder.

"It's a promise. I'll wait for you, Tenshouin." Was your last word spoken to him before you went off stage.

Why is he reacting to his victory this way? Why was he sad that you didn't win?

Should he run after you? No, he shouldn't. That's a terrible idea.

"Eichi-kun? Are you okay?" A certain teammate of his asks, voicing his concern while the other had already gone offstage.

It is just the same at the end of the day.

"No, I'm fine. Let's go, Aoba-kun." Eichi replied, a rather weak smile he flashed his teammate that didn't seem like him at all.

"If only I could prevent you from leaving." Those words lingered in Eichi's thoughts as he steals glances to the seat next to him.

You are absent again for today.

Did the others give you too much headaches lately? He doesn't know. He wish he'd know what you're thinking most of the time, really.

No matter how many times he'd convince himself you didn't came to school, he still managed to find himself walking up the stairs to the rooftop.

For the final step he took and the slam of the door; he could only respond nonchalantly with a smile.

There you were, on the rooftop—orange rays of the sunset enveloping your figure as he walks forward—forward to you.

"It's quite nostalgic, isn't it?" Eichi asks, further and further getting closer to you who stood too closely to the railing. His heart beats faster and faster with every step he took.

"We... Met like this, right?"

"Correct. It is far in the past already, so it's not a surprise to see that you've forgotten about it already."

Silence overtook the two of you.

"Tenshouin—"

"I like you." Your voice overlaps with his. You locked eyes with one another, eyes widen in surprise.

Oh, how you pitied one another after the sudden confession.

Your gaze falls down onto the ground and so did his for a moment.

"—and that is why I offer you a proposal," he said, reaching out a hand to you. "Join fine with me. We'll fit great together as a team."

Your eyes widen once again, falling short to his proposal.

"I see great potential hidden deep within you; we're both the same, [Name]." He started to spoke, "—our motive, our reasoning; everything."

"You want to see this school change for the better, and so do I. We can change it if we work together, I'm sure of it."

"You can win your fans back once again, if not thousands of people more—with me, nobody would even dare bother you."

"With me, you can climb up the ladder of Yumenosaki's most powerful unit and punish those who deemed you wrong! Wouldn't you like that?"

"Please don't monologue your way through this." You immediately cut him off.

"Right, sorry." He apologized, smiling sheepishly at you. "Nonetheless, what do you say? Will you take my hand in offer?" He asks, smiling softly at you.

You were silent, replying with almost to no sound to his offer, but he still wanted to believe that there's some slight chance that you'd take it; take his hand and be together with him once again.

He really enjoys your company after all.

You took his hand, but not in a way he was expecting you to. His eyes widen as he was pulled closer to you, hands intertwined with one another.

Your gaze soften at his bewildered expression. Without any warning, you whisked him away into a waltz.

"We made a promise. We'd entrust our hearts to each other in order for no one else to steal it away." You said, waltzing along with the confused Eichi.

Eichi soon hung his head low, smiling. He can never really know just what you're thinking, can he?

"That is correct—although that was nothing more but a foolish dream instead of a promise."

"Must it be a dream? Don't you wish for it to happen? You do like me, no?"

"Right. I do like you, but it'd be better if it just stays as a foolish dream of mine; one that will never come true."

"—since you're going to leave my life sooner or later..." Was all he could mumble that day. He wish he'd reminiscence those memories with you longer.

The air was colder than usual, yet the same orange-tint light illuminates you just like the other times.

"I enjoy everything we went through together." You muttered, glancing back at him with a smile on your face.

"Laughing with you, crying with you, being with you..." You trailed off, your grip on the railing only tightens, "dancing with you..."

How much longer can we last? He asks to himself, unable to move from his spot. He wasn't sure on what to do. You didn't accept his invitation to fine, so he deems you as nothing but an obstace.

He should be viewing you as such, but he simply couldn't.

He really did enjoy your company. He really did, he never wanted all of this to happen—this'll never happened if you weren't so stubborn.

It is... Truly baffling.

So for one last time, allow him to return your kind gesture—allow him to whisk you away into a waltz, all like those times you'd do for him.

Ah, why are you looking at him like that? Well, he suppose it's going to happen considering he had "executed" you, but he did tried to help you fix your reputation back.

Your trust and admiration in him already dissolved into nothingness months prior, but nonetheless, you followed. Into the waltz you two shall dance for one last time.

He couldn't help but laugh; laugh it all away, ignoring the tears that's already forming at the corner of his eyes as he dips you.

He'll really miss you.

The waltz on the rooftop signify the end—the end of your everlasting relationship with him, whatever it is you two had between each other.

And that was the last time he ever saw you inside Yumenosaki too. There was rumors speculating around your disappearance—some say you committed suicide while some say you fled to live in another country as a normal high schooler.

He knows better than to trust baseless rumors, but the former does make more sense than the latter.

He has finally gain control over Yumenosaki completely. He does wonder, if you are here would you be happy? Would you continue to stay by his side or would it all end up like this nonetheless?

You are a true enigmatic. Wherever you are, he does truly hope that you'll find your happiness once again. As for him, he is happy now. He thinks.

[dunmeshi-darlings]

apologies as i do not like being negative on here, i prefer positivity and fun. but something ive been thinking about lately. You know, maybe i am just an old hat on the internet. I remember things like AOL, Going to newgrounds to play flash games, Old youtube layout, And i Remember Fanfiction.net (gosh this definitely shows my age). Ive been in the online space for many years, easily over fifteen years to say the least. And ive been in the fandom side of the internet for most of it, And i remember how delightful and fun it was growing up. Fandoms were fun, people did amazing art and wrote fanfictions and had fun. They shipped all kinds of characters and every ship under the sun was possible and ships from entirely different series. and nobody cared what you shipped, hell some of the most popular ships of the time were "problematic" and nobody cared. Because at the end of the day everyone knew fandom was just fun and games and playing pretend. we were all basically playing with dolls in our minds and it was fun. When did it become so hateful and aggressive? people attacking each other over fandom stuff that was the norm years ago? Before id see people shipping themselves with sailor moon and naruto and everyone would love it. We would see sasuke shipped with his brother in the naruto anime, or inuyasha (200 years old) and kagome (15 years old) being the main couple of the inuyasha anime and everyone loved it? Fandom was fun and people could do whatever they wanted because its fictional, nothing mattered and how you treated real life people was infinitely more important that what you did fiction wise because it didnt matter. fiction is fiction and people can do what they want in it? and if we didnt like it? (and there were things i didnt like) we just blocked and moved on, called em squicks and that was the end of it. But now? now fandom is such a violent hateful place. People are at each others necks because they like pixels in the wrong way, or like two sets of pixels kissing the wrong way. It turned from this fun place people could be creative and do there things and basically played pretend to this contest of Morals and ethics where if you did something people didnt like you will get torn apart and attacked. Have some of the worst accusations possible casually thrown at you like the person wasnt saying such awful things. Calling people awful things and accusing them of the most horiffic things. People are doxxing each other, ruining each others lives, stalking and harassing them over fiction...Fictional fandom stuff?! ive seen people say such violent, hateful, even racist things toward others for there taste in fiction? Fandom has gone from this fun welcoming place where people have fun and do what they want. Because we all knew that what you enjoyed in fiction wasnt an indicator of how you are as a real person in real life. I mean Horror movies are incredibly popular, including things such as saw where the focuss is gore and death and people being killed. does somebody who like saw movies want to actually murder people violently? no clearly not. I mean hell, Game of Thrones was the most popular show for years and it was jokingly known as the incest show. Does that mean the people who liked game of thrones are into incest? no absolutely not. But for some reason stuff you like in fandoms and shipping makes you a monster? this is a sad thing.

People who view shipping and fandom as ethics tests and morality tests and attack and tear down other people because they like things in fiction have ruined fandoms and made being in fandoms miserable and its why fandoms are nothing like they used to be. There much smaller and less active and the level of love and dedication in them is nothing like it used to be. because its full of violent hateful people that cant separate fiction from reality.

[dollita-fawn]

This is not an attack, more like a rant of my own but you see how you say everything is okay except for stuff with minors? You understand that some people’s limits are a little bit above just stuff involving minors?

You recognize that repulse you feel, that icky feeling, the feeling that you want to puke and you need to say, need to clarify that stuff with minors is not okay and shouldn’t exist?

Well some people feel the exact same repulse and icky feeling and the NEED to say that it shouldn’t exist when it comes to rape and incest.

I find it mind boggling that people are told to ignore, block and move on… and the same people will FOR SURE tear someone to shreds if someone wrote pedo stuff (rightfully so!) but don’t people understand that for rape and incest it’s the same thing? At least for a good chunk of people?

Like just IMAGINE being told to ignore, block and move on when someone is writing about minors, it’s icky, disgusting.

triggering topic warning!

i understand what you’re saying. (im terrible at wording things but) this is part of my point. Like when I find something involving a minor, no i don’t attack a writer directly or anon message. Yes its vile, but doing that is doing way more harm than good.

A lot of people are arguing the more you do attack, the more they’ll write. I agree. Which is why i think the solution is to block and move on. Im not trying to invalidate.

Attacking a writer for whatever topic it may be only encourages. Anon hate does no good because really who wants to listen to a stranger tell them not to do something?

i cant remember the account, but there was a minor on here who wrote incest about other minors. She got hate especially on anon and what did she do? Replied to the anon with more of what triggered them.

Another thing, like i said in the previous rant, the more you interact with darker content, by sending it, visiting the blog, commenting wtv, the more it will show up on your feed. That’s why ive said to block and move on if you dont want to see the content. The more you do to prevent these things (which for non-con, incest, rape topics and wtv else gets nothing but a community label) the more you’re pulling it towards yourself.

And not to be that person, but those types of fanfics have been around since forever, on ao3 especially. Part of the reason there’s been more lately is because of the complaints.

There’s also people who need to learn to read warnings above fics and on intro pages before interacting. I’ve seen people saying how a fic was super cute until they realized it had incest. I understand that repulsive feeling, but the warnings are there 9/10. Like i said, if they aren’t, there’s easy ways to ask the writer to include them.

It’s all about your own morals. Some people think writing for minors is okay, while you don’t. Some people may enjoy bdsm, and you don’t. Some may find comfort in writing for trauma kinks while you find it gross. Regardless of you find it wrong, the writers may not. In some cases that may mean they need professional help or something, but that isn’t your job to push. Either way, harassment to this degree is childish and does not fix anything. Only draws things out further.

Would we really do half the shit we write about in fanfiction in real life? Like if Leon was real, do you think he would realistically even have children? I don’t think he would. But it is fiction (ik that’s a very common argument but the point still stands) if the character was real, none of this shit would go down irl. This includes vanilla kinks - hard kinks.

Again, I see your point but I hope you understand what i mean by this.

EDIT (again sorry i keep adding on😭)- id like to point out how this anon was respectful even though they’re arguing their views. and not calling REAL people literal slurs and telling people to die for it.

[fischlslays]

Update on the Raelya Raasini situation..!

Lmao, as yall know from the last post, she was stalking me and some creepy shit. My friend @hunterxhunterisbest contacted her and guess what? She denied that she talked about me💀 bro its so obvious, and you acting stupid is actually driving me nuts💀

Like bro even took the "I always knew Mona mains can get along with Fischl mains." From my blog and said, "I wasn't talking about her, but the first one."

💀💀

AND, she stalked my account long enough to know that I put her in my DNI list, here is the conversation between her and my friend. I'm rlly srry for y'all's eyes💀

HELP I CANT WITH BITCH ANYMORE.

And btw, again, calling me a "bish" did nothing at all.

How you felt after calling me a "bish":🥰😍💋💅🔥

Bro pls use something else, you called me a bitch 4 times in row now, be creative. And we both know that you still have access to your goddamn account💀

Esther (my friend) had to go through hell and meet Satan to get this ugly ass mf to text back💀💀

"TELL ME" 💀💀 I don't have to say anything, do I? "I blocked her too! How-" that's even worse bro💀 and yall better be grateful for yalls ass😭 I'm rlly sorry Esther.

💀💀

"But she doesn't know one small detail" "I'm still there" bro watched a lil too much of Batman💀 its insulting to compare him to some random ugly ass mf on tumblr💀 even Esther herself said: "why is she acting so cringy? Is she going to tell me a government secret?😭"

Bro stalked for too long to see my DNI list💀💀 and yea, Esther hates you and thinks you the cringiest person to ever step a foot on this Earth. And no she ain't neutral💀

Yes, you are the creepiest person I've ever talked to💀 and you still deny it. See? That mf admitted that she was stalking me, lmao, tbh, you though you actually changed smth💀 I already knew that you are a creepy stalker, I didn't need you to inform me, but thank anyway.

"She put me in her DNI list."

"And you still interacted?"

"Yes, because I'm not Raeyla"

"Have you lost it?"

Lmao this part got me laughing😭😭

I know you are not Raeyla, but didn't want to expose you to your sweet friends and virtual family, nor your dear followers💀, "Raasini". Tbh, I'm glad that is not your name, because it would be such a waste of a pretty name on a shitty person💀

"I called her friend a loser bc she is"

💀 mf don't get Leisel into this. You actually thought you did smth?💀💀 bro go cry yourself to sleep or smth, it would've been better for all of us💀 and for the third time, Leisel ain't a loser, and again, you clearly didn't see your self💀do us a favour and never show your fac again, and leave your blog, no one is going to miss you anyway💀 if you lied about your name, why would your followers trust you again?💀 Next time Raasini tries to act cool, remember that she likes Hisoka (a pedophile from hunter x hunter), Oliver Tree(search what he did to Melanie), and The Manni Show (master of slurs).💀

"Idk hes hot" 💀💀 go get your eyes checked. Is this what you call hot?

Raasini is this your man?💀💀 I don't blame you, you get attracted to shit cuz u are, rlly. U guys deserve eachother.💀

Again, I'm rlly sorry Esther, and I sorry for everyone who's reading this except that mf, I bet she cringed too💀

"Peace✌" Bitch shut up💀 bro tried so hard to be Drake💀💀 NOT THE "..."💀

hoW dAre yOU! 💀 I swear no one cares, and I feel so bad for Esther. And btw Esther, you ate. And I agree with every single word you said.

And since that mf said that she just said what I did to her, I'm done, that's it, if you are playing that game, I'll do so too💀

Oh, by the way, remember the time you faked living in Ohio? And the time you were hard-core simping over Kaeya and Scaramouche and called them daddies but then you call me and Leisel losers for liking Fischl and Mona?💀 Or the time you acted all cringy by stuttering through text even though you weren't not Role-playing? Or the time you used the "..." so damn much that I gave my phone the nastiest side eye ever? And the time you acted all emo?💀 bro I have too much things, but I too lazy to list them all, and i don't want my followers to cringe💀

Here is my gift for you <3 tbh, I glad not the only who thinks that💀 and Raasini, your grammar and spelling books are crying in the corner💀 victim rizz fr. and when I saw the screenshots that Esther sent me, you wrote "bulliying"💀 I didn't know ppl could fuck up the word Bullying. Bro, are you even 17?💀💀

And thx @sulli1361 for your advice, I blocked her, let's hope that mf doesn't make another account to stalk me again💀 because I'm so done with her.

Thx @notafan77 for your prayerz

And thx for @urbestgirlever and @hunterxhunterisbest for keeping up with her

And did you actually put an Oliver Tree quote on your post that was supposed to "expose" me?💀 I hope you are truly embarrassed, because if I was you I'd never show my face ever again. Not for the next 15 years at least.

And if yall want me to posy the screenshots, just tell me, I don't mind, that bitch asked for it.

"Peace out✌" this is going to haunt Mr down forever. Thx Raasini, I'm Traumatised, and so are my followers.

Tags (sry for yalls eyes): @foreveryoung @toxiccluvvv @breaking-panic @disa-ster @whatskillingthekids @vernadettachiara @sillyreadergal-blog @bleakqblake @shinobusupremecy @shinobuscanonwife @shinobu @shinobu-blogging-blog @slutsssphobia @sluttsxphobia @ask-the-insect-hashira @anime-fan- @astrox @simpinxdisrespectfully @pr3tty @notafan77 @piercingmylove @honeydazai @hunterxhunterisbest @hopperowo @toastdee66 @ask-chachamaru-kny @sulli1361 @ask-thekny @orangepegacorn-blog @booplsnoot @ilynaru @ilynes @sarahwinchester97 @mistymuichiro @mistymuichirou @reawakened-goddess @seaacutie42 @limeiscool @limebreaker @urbestgirlever @popcorn-and-other-fun-stuff @hottestcelebrities @horrorchicxoxo @delmissesryan @tomioka-pudding

[lover-of-mine]

this is like the start to some very good mutual pining fics. why cant you date him???

ASKAOSKOAKS yk, I was thinking that if my life was a tv show the team slowburn angsty friends to lovers is having a great week because of recent developments. But basically, we met almost exactly 12 years ago, we bonded because I had a crush on his best friend at the time, he had a crush on my best friend at the time and they didn't want to date us lol and then we just stuck around. But we kinda cursed ourselves by bonding over wanting other people because there are always other people involved, he's currently in a very messy on/off relationship and they are taking some space to figure shit out, and he lives in a different city, but I live in the same city as his mom, he came to see her, we ended up spending about 10 hours together, things were said, questions were asked, feelings might've been uncovered, because I never truly thought about the possibility of me having feelings for him before Saturday, like I think he's hot, but I never thought beyond the vague awareness that I think he is attractive lol, like seriously, if you asked me last week I would've confidently said it's not like that between us, someone literally asked me on Saturday if I was his gf and I just laughed, but he went back to his city, we see each other once every 2 years at this point, I don't know how he's feeling, so like, I'm not sabotaging our friendship because I'm confused because we kissed at 5 am after a night out lol but realistically, we both had issues with long-distance relationships in the past and that's not something either one of us would be willing to get into even if without the other complications, so I can't date him logistically even if this was a thing that we multually want, which I'm honestly not sure, because I'm pretty sure he's gonna get back together with his ex, so I'm in pretend it never happened mode, repression at it's finest. But things to add to the fanfic plots: all of his exes are me in different fonts, even he can admit that, every time I break up with someone he says and I quote "you need to find someone who sees you like I do", we can't go anywhere together without someone assuming we are a couple and this has been happening the whole time we've known each other, I'm pretty sure his mom and sisters have a bet going on whether we end up together or not because of the way they react to us hanging out, we will constantly spend so long talking about absolutely nothing it was a real problem when we were teenagers because we lived like, 2 blocks away from each other, so we would walk back towards home, sit in this bench that's in the midway from my house and his and then suddenly both our parents were calling because we missed curfew by an hour but we've been sitting somewhere we can see both our houses for like, 3, like that guy cannot get me to shut up lol, we have a pact to get married in 2029 if we fail to find love until then, but we also promised to be each other best woman/man of honor, he's not big on physical touch, he doesn't like people in his space, but I'm a physical touch person, and he always lets me play with his fingers when I'm stressed and that's legit the nicest thing someone constantly does for me because sometimes I don't even notice and the dude is giving me his hand, I have a tendency to surround myself with things his favorite color when I miss him, if I'm around he constantly just looks at me to fact check whatever story he's telling because he thinks I remember more stuff about his life than he does, and I'm typing this out and thinking about the past 12 years for the past week and I'm sitting here like "for the love of god am I in a fucking 500k words slowburn friends to lover fic" I don't know, it's very complicated but here I am. I don't know if you ever watched Love, Rosie, but I feel like what I imagine Rosie felt finding the letter and calling Alex just to find out he's engaged aoskaokaoskaksasss

[ahaura]

7?? 💓

7. Any media/fandom you will avoid at all costs?

personally speaking i make a point of avoiding n.eil g.aiman and anything related to him. i know there are legitimate criticisms against him which i cant remember atm (bad memory day </3) but my dislike for him goes back longer than people have made posts about it. it all started when i was reading this anthology of short horror fiction and i understand that the thing about anthologies is that due to the variety there are bound to be some authors and/or selections i won't like for whatever reason and that's just part of the process. HOWEVER. at that point i had never read one of his works before but i'd heard a lot about him. so i read the selection and it sucked. i don't remember what it was about but i do remember it was a challenge to slog through and i was grateful for when it was over. i was disappointed because even then he'd been hyped up and maybe this was just a bad selection of his work but in any case it did not make a good impression on me and i moved on. flash forward to at least a few years later and i'm reading a different anthology. "horror of the decade" ed. by ellen datlow, something i never finished which requires its own post but to sum up some of her selections DEFINITELY should not have been hailed "best of the decade." they shouldn't have been selected as good horror at all if in my opinion. but anyway g.aiman was on the bookjacket and i was like *sigh* okay well im not really looking forward to it but i guess i'll give it a shot especially since it was one of the shorter entries. and then i read it and it fucking sucked. it was ass. it was some stupid story about sailors lost at sea who resorted to cannibalism or something and i wanted to like it but i just couldn't get behind his writing. at that point, to me, it felt like he'd just been included so that his name could be slapped on the cover and they selected one of his works at random. it felt a lot like quality didn't matter for some of the selections as much as the name or maybe filling up space. or perhaps it's the editor's personal choice which is why i dislike datlow as an editor. and dont get me wrong there was a few REALLY, REALLY good selections in that volume but g.aiman's was NOT one of them. and it just felt like an utter waste of time and a joke because there was nothing impressive or noteworthy about his writing or storytelling ability and what always makes my dislike worse is when people's fanbases have to hype them up as a god-send or revolutionary. now i am aware that maybe these were just. bad selections and not representative of his full body of work and to that i say too bad i dont care. and i am also aware that there are probably fans of his i am mutuals with who love his work which is fine great good for them this is not directed @ them but it's irrelevant. because i think he sucks and he's overrated and exacerbates it all is that he's on tumblr as like the resident uwu celebrity author or whatever and it's like. you come onto the silly little blogging site where i reblog silly images with my friends and mutuals and make me not only hear about him but make me see his TAKES? his posts? JAIL! JAIL FOR 1000 YEARS! and in any case it doesn't really matter the block button is free and filtering tags exist but also if ONE more person recs his books to me i will explode. i dont want to read him i do not care i dont think he's more noteworthy or talented than anyone else on the scene (not that i am aware of the scene) i just do not care and do not want to hear about him. yeehaw <3

[jimblejamblewritings]

changes hurt | part 7.

Summary: (Y/N) has always been one of the stronger Alphas. Which is saying something when the Avengers is a team overrun with Alphas. A mission gone wrong changes her entire world and when everyone starts treating her different, she doesn’t know if she can cope. Change hurts and (Y/N)’s not sure it’s a pain she cant bear.

Warnings for the Series: strong language, angst, fluff, assault, a/b/o dynamics, sexual content (not sure if there will be smut or just talks, leaning more to just talks but since I don’t know, let’s just say 18+ readers only)

Pairing: Steve x black!reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

In a matter of seconds, Sharon was pressed up against the wall. No one else on the team moved. It was rare that Steve went into full Alpha mode— the last time Nat could remember was when they were fighting Ultron. It was a scary reminder how dominant he could really be.

“Don’t you ever, ever enter her room again without her permission.”

“I didn’t know she wasn’t an Alpha when I got there.”

Steve pressed her further into the wall. “And the minute you found out you should’ve left like she asked. You deserved whatever she did to you.”

His attention was drawn elsewhere when the elevator dinged. Happy stepped into the room, you were nowhere in sight. Steve dropped Sharon and walked up to the large bodyguard.

“Where is she?”

“She doesn’t want to see you, Cap.”

“Please, Happy.”

The man sighed and told him you were with Roseanne. The secretary took the rest of the day off to hang out with you and you would be staying over at her place for the night. He had come back to get your stuff and would drop it off later that night. Steve offered to take his place.

“Be my guest, but don’t be upset if she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Happy walked off to pack a bag for you. Steve swallowed as he watched Happy, now the only person with permission to enter your room, disappear. Sharon started to leave and Steve grabbed her elbow.

“I don’t want to hear again from my Omega that you messed with her. Are we understood?”

She pulled herself from his grasp and went back downstairs to finish her own work before leaving for the mission she was scheduled to go on. Steve could do nothing but pace in his room, waiting for night to fall so he could drop off your bag to Roseanne’s house. He eventually stopped pacing, thinking he might walk through the floor if he did. Steve flopped onto the bed, reliving the earlier events. He should have paid attention more.

You weren’t blocking him to try to worm your way out punishment. It was because you became overwhelmed. There was still Alpha in you, those old cells took a while to die off. And you would always have your memories. He should have taken it slower and he knew he messed up. If he had heard you talking as you headed up the stairs, he wouldn’t have even started the punishment in the first place. Finding out an Alpha was in your space without permission made him pissed beyond belief.

~~

“You don’t remember me?” you asked as the waitress poured coffee for you and Roseanne.

“Sor— (Y/N)? Oh my goodness! Sorry, the smell is different. Wait why do you smell like…” she faltered off and you laughed.

The diner wasn’t busy, you and Roseanne had come in while the lunch rush was ending. She had taken you to the mall but you both only had one measly bag to show for the many hours you had spent in the stores. There were also other staff members to take care of customers. You moved over so the waitress had a place to sit. She rubbed your shoulder gingerly as you and Roseanne explained everything that happened.

“I can’t imagine if my dynamic switched suddenly.”

“What’s it like?”

“Being at the bottom?” She pulled at her uniform. “Sucks like hell sometimes. You just have to keep yourself in good places and you would never notice.”

The waitress hopped back up as her manager came from the back room. She gave a cheeky smile to you as she tapped the table with her notepad.

“Food’s on me. Not just for saving my life, you seem like you need it.”

You thanked her before you and Roseanne left to get in her car and drive to her apartment. New York City was expensive and even with a good job at SHIELD, Roseanne still wasn’t living the life of luxury. Not the same way Tony and the rest of the team did. You weren’t complaining though. The couch was better than staying anywhere in the tower.

The day melted into night. Roseanne offered to give you some of her clothes which you accepted and went to go take a shower. You were hoping Happy didn’t forget your bag. There was no way of contacting him either— you left your phone when you had run out of your room. Clean and tired, you grabbed a few pillows and began to tuck one of the bedsheets into the couch to make a makeshift bed. You ignored the knocking at the door. It was Roseanne’s house, her guest. Her feet raced to the door to open it.

“What do you want?” The Beta asked with venom.

“Let me in, Roseanne.”

You froze at the voice. It was obviously Steve.

“She doesn’t want to see you.”

“Damn it, Rose, please.”

She looked back at you— Steve also taking the opportunity to look. You were still as a marble statue as you sat on the couch. Staring straight ahead, you made no indicator of yes or no. Roseanne opened the door wider.

“You have five minutes then get out.”

“Thank you. Doll? I brought your stuff.”

You didn’t respond. Steve just set the bag down on the couch. He sat on the floor in front of you. He knew he had to speak because you probably wouldn’t and Roseanne seemed like she was going to enforce the five minute rule rather strictly.

“I’m here to apologize. Seriously, (Y/N).”

“You already forgot I was an Alpha.” You drew your knees up to your chest. “I’ve never had a punishment before and you still went full out. I’m not used to this life.”

“I should have known to take it slower. That’s my fault and my fault only.”

You nodded in agreement. Steve wanted to reach out and touch you but thought better of it. There was nothing else to say and you weren’t coming home with him that night. He wasn’t going to wait for Roseanne to kick him out, he knew when to make an exit. Apologizing one more time, Steve got up from the floor and left. He waited outside the door for a couple minutes in hopes that you would run out but when that didn’t happen he hung his head low and started his motorcycle to head home.

He heard you come home in the late afternoon the next day, staying in his room as your feet shuffled past his door. His ears perked up when the shuffling came back and then stopped. It felt like eternities and then a sound he desperately wanted to hear came from the other side of the door.

“Steve?” you asked.

Steve shot straight out of bed and to the door. He opened the door and had to restrain himself from reaching out to touch or kiss you. You stood in front of him, unsure of what you wanted to say or why you were even there. You were also unsure of why he was shirtless. Steve stayed quiet, watching your eyes close and then open again.

“I understand that the entire team has accepted the new dynamic but it’s still hard for me. I still have Al— those old memories and feelings. I’m not meaning to mess up or try to force the old dynamic. You guys have to be aware of that and take it slow when I do something I’m used to. I’m trying, I really am. I need you to understand me.”

Steve nodded. “I do. I promise you, I understand.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Nothing, just came from filing a mission report. Was thinking about ordering in, maybe hit the gym.”

That explained the lack of a shirt.  

“You don’t stop training, do you,” you said with a chuckle.

Steve smiled. “Have to stay in shape.”

“As if you need it… do you want to just stay in, Alpha?” you asked, gently.

You had never called him by his presentation ever since becoming an Omega. Steve stuttered through a yes and moved aside so you could step in. You rested your head on Steve’s chest. He moved to place you completely on top of him. It was calming like gentle waves— the scent of Steve.

He was content to lay there and just listen to your heartbeat that was slightly slower in rhythm than his was. You lifted your head to look at him. Steve opened his mouth to say something when your lips found his neck. Instead of words, a low moan came out. You kissed and nibbled on the left side before moving to the right. It didn’t take much effort to leave hickeys on his pale skin. You sat up and looked at your work. Steve rubbed circles on your waist, enjoying the lazy smile on your face.

“Can I…” your voice faded off. This was the first time you were asking and couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“Can you what?”

He probably shouldn’t have taunted but the way you looked everywhere but him made him want to tease you some more. He was hoping you’d ask what he wanted but needed to hear it come from your mouth. Your fingers pushed at his neck but Steve just shook his head.

“Not good enough, want to hear you say it. Can you what, Omega?”

“Can I claim you… please?”

You weren’t looking at him as you asked, focusing on your nails splayed out against his chest instead. It drove him insane. You always drove him crazy even when you were an Alpha. Steve could think of a few times in the past that he wanted to be in this exact situation. The first time was after the Battle of New York. You two had kissed in the heat of the moment, excitement from winning, and it felt right. Then you sat on his lap when you were all eating shawarma and threatened Tony that you would melt his Iron Man suit.

That’s when he knew he liked you, the only Alpha he ever liked that way— just as stubborn as him but also just as righteous, maybe even more so. But he wasn’t ready for a bond. He wanted to and even told you but felt too out of time. He was still getting used to the modern world. With a wink and a smile, you said he couldn’t count on you to wait for him but that you might. And then you stole his jacket— he realized he liked you wrapped in his clothes, a temporary claim of sorts even if it was only in his mind.

The second time was when you helped him find Bucky. Without hesitation, because Steve and Nat trusted Barnes, you began searching for the man that dumped Steve on the riverbank. You worked tirelessly to bring his friend home and somehow succeeded. And then Bucky went on a covert solo mission and was accused of blowing up the UN meeting in Vienna. You believed Bucky when he said he didn’t do it even when no one else did because a covert mission meant they weren’t tracking his whereabouts.

After the fight in the airport, when you told him you would stay behind to clear their name while he and Bucky fled to Siberia and did what they needed to do. He wanted you to come with them— that was one of the few times you had ever won a standoff against him. Then he wanted to bond as a promise that he would come back because for a moment he wasn’t sure that he would.

The third time was in the alleyway before he knew you weren’t an Alpha anymore. The way you were willing to put yourself in potential danger to save an Omega waitress you had only known for five hours. Twice as righteous. And refused to let him scent you until he threatened a standoff. Just as stubborn. He was so close to you. His lips on your skin, no matter how soft, felt like they should be there.

And now you two were here. You were actually going to go through with something he had been fantasizing for some time about. You were on top of him begging to claim him. The funny part was you didn’t have to. The first face he saw when he thawed from ice— you had a claim on him from the beginning. Steve tilted your chin up with his index finger until you weren’t focused on his pecs anymore but looking him in the eye.

“Of course you can.”

You leaned back down to suck harshly on the hickeys that were already there. Your teeth grazed his skin, hesitantly. Even when you were an Alpha, you had never gotten this close to bonding with someone before. Another reassurance from Steve and you bit down on the gland right beneath the skin. He hissed slightly as your bite broke the very surface of his skin— your bite a lot more shallow as an Omega.

He sucked in a breath at your lips unexpectedly on his. You wanted a kiss before you did the other side. Steve tilted his head back more, eyes closed in pure bliss. You worked carefully on the other side, wanting to prolong the moment. It was intimate. A claiming before ever sleeping with each other. If he wasn’t enjoying it so much he would have commented on how old-fashioned this was even for someone like him from a different time.

“Now me?”

Steve’s eyes snapped open. He sat up abruptly, his arms having to catch you and hold you from sliding off of him. Your eyes widened in fear that you had just ruined everything. Steve rubbed a thumb over your cheekbone and then played with your hair— careful not to mess it up or try to run his fingers through it— to reassure you.

“Are you sure? We can wait, no press—”

“I want to. I want everyone to know.”

“You want everyone to know I’m your Alpha, yeah? Want them to know you’re my Omega?”

You nodded with determination. “All yours.”

“It’s going to hurt a bit,” Steve warned.

“I trust you.”

Steve tilted your head back. He wasn’t joking when he said it would hurt. The force of the bite brought tears to your eyes. Without meaning to, your palms heated up at the feeling. Steve didn’t mind. He even relished in the burn a little bit as he went to the other side. He could feel the tears drip off of your chin and hurried the process along, licking at the wounds. His lips met yours and he wiped away your tears with his hands.

“You did so good for me… I love you.”

You looked Steve in the eye. It wasn’t in the heat of the moment. His face read the same seriousness as if he was going over a mission with the team. You kissed him once more and his favorite smile of yours, the blissful and lazy one, returned to your face.

“I love you too.”

Steve threw himself back down on the bed and the two of you returned to your relaxation before anything had happened. This was right. Steve knew it was right and his only regret was that he hadn’t bonded with you sooner. But none of that mattered anymore because you were in his arms anyway. No matter what mission came next no matter who crossed him, he had you to come back to and that was good enough.

(Part 8)...

[systemexploration]

Hey so I’m the same anon who gave reason why I’m not plural, I didn’t realize I didn’t give any reason for the am side of things, oops. So for that if I am a system I think monoconcious(?) would be best to describe us, and I mean one of the big things that stuck out to me is that for my whole life I’ve been using I/me and us/we interchangeably, and occasionally I’ll have times where I don’t feel like the same person? Like no amnesia, so in bead talk, nothing like that just “ope I’m not [my name] anymore, okay then” and when then happens and I feel like me again the way I remember those times versus not those times is different (like imagine watching a video of someone making a sandwich, except instead of a video you’re watching yourself make a sandwich, but you didn’t make the sandwhich, if that makes any sense?) and when I am doing the whole not me thing I’ve noticed that it’s the same few not mes repeating, and for the longest time we thought we were a system, like we kept track of everything and such until I started comparing my experiences to others and found that not many people share these same experiences, so I’m either doing the whole delusions thing again or I’m special in the worst way possible (that was a joke)

Anyways these are some “am sys” points that stick out to me the most, sorry for the block of text or any odd wording

those reasons definitely sound similar to plural experiences, they could be a result of depersonalization but again they could be either

i think one thing that could help in figuring it out further is figuring out if you just feel disconnected from yourself or if you separately feel like someone else. that sounds a bit confusing but i hope it makes sense. monoconscious systems can be distinct headmates or they can be median systems where the headmates are more blurred together.

it can be hard to figure out which you are experiencing since plurality can be so many things, like there can be a lack of communication that makes you feel alone or you can feel really similar to headmates so your separate identities are blurred.

unfortunately i cant tell you if you are a system or not but i do think those experiences are similar enough to plural experiences that it is definitely worth continuing to try and figure it out!! i know one thing that helped with us (btw we aren't a median system /info) is referring to each other as separate people, even when our core, mouse, was unsure. doing that allowed action to happen whether that be continuing the syscovery or realizing that you arent a system.

sorry i couldnt be of more help! /lh

[joankellyforever]

Demons,

They knew me before I knew them

Asmodeus,

I didnt know he was my jealous best friend!

Killed off all my lovers

just to watch me make love to myself

Crowned The King of lust

Turns intimacy into redrum every time he makes guns bust

Into me I will let you see endurance is for the less of us

He want you to fall in lust with the act

not the soul you tie to when you interact

And what is greed without money?

And who in Satans kingdom ARE YOU IF YOU AINT GOT ANY?

You see, I am poor cause my thoughts aint even worth a penny!

But you mother lovers owe me at least a dollar

For all the times I had to get bent over by a blue collar

I knew Tom, Nick & Harry before my own father

Cause 9 is the highest number and zero is a portal

So does staying low really make you immortal?

I heard if you wanted to tell time you should look at turtles

As I take cheap flights over your head into my cell

No matter where I go these places will always ring a bell

I remember cheap hotels

like a i remember soliders buying fake love to get out of hell!

It's only a crime if someone tells!

And even if you do!

WHO IN SATANS KINGDOM IS GONNA BELIEVE A POOR OLD GIRL LIKE YOU?

Besides, You dont even have time to stop and snitch

And karmas a bitch

you should play her role?

Rob these pimps and try not to fall in the rabbit hole

That happens when you stop judging girls who sell their souls

You start to see the spiritual goal

33, I learned to master me

when I learned they tryna master the sheep

The Goats tryna master the sleep

What if Gods son was never named Jesus?

What if they been just tryna predict us?

Like some under world order to replace us

They live in fear with the need of never ending surveillance

So I tell them agents, You better bug a boo me in advance

Like a double sided mirror

To help big brother see more clearer

They poured rats into the city

but dont think its gonna be me

I aint with the rat racing

Money chasing

Airplane Lacing

Water spacing

Chip tracing

reset that this world is facing

If they rewrite history then all we have is our memories

And if they tell us trauma produces two E's in febreeze

Then is the one who is in control allowed to call me crazy?

I thought crazy was believing in both space and heaven

But then there is perfection

and accountability and thats the number seven

We are at end of the 6k in world prison

and we lock up children to build better fate

did you know child marriage is legal in 42 states

So what kind of future do we face

If we are allowing Satanic rulers to dictate our faith??

I mean its NYC for Gods sake

its 15$ an eighth

That right there should be illegal

But then again Papa Pharma is real Lethal

and never the less anything is better than picking up a needle

Or smoking rocks

The streets dont love nobody and you can hear that from every corner and block

Nobody really wanna do what they gotta do to survive

Some people really just get tired of asking God why

So the soul cries as the flesh dies

Imagine living such a life

that you cheated life

I mean by then only to God can you be a wife

Cant love youre own kind cause youre enemy to your own mind

But I heard the Messiah might have had dreads

So I might as well just live as if i'm already dead

cause if they can do it to him

They can do it to anybody

Life is like Monopoly

A single person playing a double minded game

You might wanna ask Cern why nothing is the same

Learn Hebrew and dont say I never tried to warn you!

[jumpbootsjamstring]

I was patient.

Im remembering... even after knowing what you did. I was willing and even stated I would still talk to you. I still can't figure out why you said the thing you did.

Sloppy

Sounds silly but fuck that just regressed all progress you made in my mind. For a split second you turned back in to that horrible abusive person who first broke my heart with so much rotten behavior/cheating. It still blows my mind (no pun intended) nothing in ur mind stopped you from saying that. Gonna repeat myself but still makes no sense how u cried to me saying "Don't see anyone else or it will shatter me". Then without skipping a beat u tell me you blew this guy sloppy.

It hurt. It really hurt. It still hurts. It felt direct. Intentional.

You have to be like actually retarded because god damn Sofia what were you thinking.

Even after that... I said I would stick around. I know I was upset but I gave you time. The thing that really killed me was I thought you were shocked... overwhelmed and silent so I gave you time. But then I saw ur post... telling me to fuck off ur lawn lol. "You absolute bitch" *I still stand by that btw* you got caught cause ur dumbass cant help posting dumb shit on Tumblr. U got caught and took the time to tell me to fuck off. The one time I was upset and loosing it... you told me to fuck off. I was patient with you when you lost it ... I would stay and talk, making sure you were ok.

Some real love you had for me. You got so mad when I questioned ur love but look how fast you threw me away when you had some other guy waiting on the sidelines. You couldn't even let me talk.

I know ur probably thinking back to when I broke up with you. It was over text and I didn't want to meet with you because ur pretty face and tears would sway me to stay. I waited a week and u were silent. I blocked u for that. You might think we are even cause I know that hurt you. But at least I gave you the chance. I WOULD HAVE TALKED TO YOU AND I GAVE YOU THAT CHOICE. Ive always stood around for you but I wasn't given that luxury. You just blocked me and ran away.

I hope you find the one but u need to improve and get treated.

I suggest not lying or cheating on someone. That kinda ruins the whole relationship.

I know u have it rough. I know you loved me and I know I loved you Sofia.

But it still hurts my bad

[rosiesbunny]

12/20/2023 5:01pm (angel numbers seen: 333/999)

i did something resilient today, i finally blocked my ex-bf. he broke up w me june 2021 the last time I saw him in person was november 2021, six months after we broke up. the duration of my time w him was filled with fear, confusion, high anxiety, and so many more emotions i can't name. he was my first everything but, in some of the wrong ways, it took me a very long time to admit so many things bc i made the choice to heal alone. he had anger issues to which he would project onto me, he made me feel unsafe, i was never able to be myself around him, i always felt hopeless w myself bc i just felt so alone in that relationship, i never felt loved everything was one-sided bc EVERYTHING had to be his way. i was so devoted to him but, he would take advantage of my kindness.

ive come to realize that i was never able to leave him bc i was codependent at that time and i was also afraid to be alone. after he broke up w me, two days later i knew and he told me that he was dating someone; his ex. he couldn't bare to be alone so he went to find someone else to be w for the time being, how did you think i feel? i was so lost bc i let you control me and i let you turn me into someone i wasn't, i couldn't remember who i was, i forgot what i liked, i forgot what my passions were bc i felt so held back whenever you wouldn't let me express myself. i felt like something was wrong w me every time you would nitpick my behavior, it was always the littlest things you didn't like about me. you saw me as nothing more than an object bc that exactly what you told me, you didn't even care enough to understand me at all when i would express my vulnerability to you. i told you my biggest secret and you didn't even spend 1 minute to comfort me you went back to talking about yourself and yelling at me over a text message.

i felt so alone and lost w myself afterwards, i had nothing to do but, to think about what i did wrong and how things ended the way they did. it didn't help knowing that you practically cheated on me it made it worse, i kept thinking i did something wrong that i couldn't keep you entertained enough or you just got tired of me so you went to find someone who could fulfil you. i felt like shit, i wouldn't let myself cry i was so numb and traumatized i couldn't understand my own body and what it was going through.

you did all the wrong things whenever i would share my vulnerable side, you made me feel scared and all you did was talk about yourself. i dont regret dating you but, you gave me a bad experience of romance and although i had good times w you there were so many things that could've been solved better if you just took the time to be considerate, but you chose not to. you lost someone who was genuine and unconditional, i would've done anything for you.

i finally blocked you on everything bc ive realized the true extend of your actions after so long. you never truly cared for me and i dont deserve someone like you, youre a scum and misogynistic person. im honest about being a curious and nosy person, thats the only reason why i still had you on my socials but, your actions really pushed me, i hate you. i feel tension in my body for removing all contact from you bc i finally gained the courage to not allow you to gain access to me in anyway. i cant quite figure out why i still held on to your socials and stuff but, i have finally let you go from my life. you hold a significance but, youre not anything special im so much stronger than i was in the past you not longer serve a purpose to me.

[theharshestaddiction]

it's been 4 years now apparently. i don't think I really loved him, I was just vulnerable and young.

i dont know how to explain what it is like after being groomed. it is painful to live with this trauma. i find that my own relationships sometimes cant feel as fulfilling because im not used to having such a consistent relationship. my boyfriend is a constant point of joy and affection my life. i self sabotage to try and recreate what it is like to be groomed and I cant. nothing feels the same as when he did it, or when she did. to be groomed by a teacher is an entirely different experience. when she was older it felt more like a high school thing, she was freshly graduated, but with him he was grown. he saw something in me even though I'm so young, of course I felt special. of course I felt special. it gets harder to remember exactly what happened a lot of the time, I think I am blocking it all out now. i spend everyday on the bus dreaming of writing a book or screenplay that can represent how this feels, but this pain cannot be put into words. i am loved and cared for by nearly everyone I know now, but the pain seems so attractive.

if i were to create a film or book about it I wouldnt want the actor to show his face. i think it would represent how I never put an identity to his name. i never ever made him a real person, here or in real life. my ex girlfriend might remember, but I doubt it. it would be all hands and movements, maybe some shots of his face up close. but it would be just like how it feels. bits and pieces, while I give my whole body and soul.

i always feel like someones gonna go through my blogs if im ever killed or if i die, so i think I should clarify. he never touched me inappropriately, he never raped or assaulted me. he complimented, encouraged and was personal with me. i don't know if he meant to groom me, I dont know what his intention was. i don't know why I was his favorite. i wish i did so i could swallow this all down.

i rarely write or talk about this because it hurts so much, but its been getting bad again. not processing this properly has been bad for me. i think about it on the bus all the time. for at least an hour a day I reminisce on what I think is gone. there was nothing ever there in the first place. i could talk about it endlessly and still say nothing, still describe nothing. there is a cork in my throat and I cant say words. why cant I admit it to myself? why do I still doubt him?

i know he was a good man. i want to know that, at least. the warmth I felt when he was hurting me was unlike anything I have known. like an absent part in my heart had been filled. probably because I was so angry with my parents at the time. i feel like I'm giving away too much. if I'm dead and youre reading this please don't go after him. i don't love him, I wish I never met him. he still works in schools I think. i have been searching for his social media for years, but I am unable to find it. there is nothing on him. no linked in or anything. its weird. his name is too common.

i find that i have a strange attraction to older men now. or maybe just one. pedro pascal is attractive to me, but i dont think thats because of this. hes just attractive. anyhow, I find that i read a lot of fanfiction with age gap relationships. it isn't to like, get me off or anything dumb. i just . i want to feel that way again. i want to feel so far beneath someone that when they lift me up an inch it feels like the first breath I've taken in years.

i am complacent in my own pain.

i wish he had touched me sometimes. i wonder what his bed may have felt like, when im alone and angry. i get mad that he probably has a girlfriend, and that hes forgotten about me by now. i know he only saw me last a year ago but hes probably had a hundred students since my class.i wish he would think about me, or email me. i wish I would wake up to a notification and see his name asking how I am. i just want him to see that I'm doing well in school, just like he remembers. i feel like he would care that I didn't give up. i feel like hes the only one who ever made me feel like my writing was really worth something. i dont let anyone read my stuff anymore unless its for school. no one would compliment it like he did, and even if they could it wouldnt be from him so what does it reall matter.

i remember when i learned he didnt have a girlfriend. i remember trying not to smile, thinking it could be me. i was 14, maybe. she was allergic to shellfish and he had bought her a dinner with shellfish in it, but I don't think thats why they broke up. maybe she found out that he's kind of a loser.

i just wish love hadnt been so ruined for me. it feels like my heart has been beaten down in everyway possible now. sexually, and emotionally.

i hate knowing that this is a shared pain. i hate knowing im not the only one. i hate that im letting go of this in some stupid post on a blog i made for him. i hate that there were others, i hate that there will be others. i should have been the only one for him. i should be the one with him and i should be killing him and hurting him the way he hurts me even now.

at the end of that movie she kills the man, the one with no face. i don't know anything else about the plot, but she stabs him to death in his kitchen.