#it's probably not by much but it's pretty significant in comparison to the guy who spent the past few years in self-imposed house arrest

[yuurivoice]

Hi Yuuri I just wanted to say I miss Howell. That’s all I hope you have a good day😊

I do too! There's still a lot about him I want to know and figure out. I was able to delve into him a bit more (and get some much needed closure) with some friends. I don't think he's really a character that I want to do various iterations of in different worlds and campaigns, because it's that specific story of his that I love. If it's removed from that world and story, I'd rather have another shot at a new character.

I was able to salvage a couple of relationships out of the rubble from the entire ordeal surrounding TnD, and I've got no beef with anyone who wasn't literal human trash, so Howell's place in my heart is unscathed in terms of being attached to a really shitty time and situation.

Reflecting on those days, that shit was a nightmare scenario. Obviously my own emotional turmoil pales in comparison to the literal criminal and victim in our midst, don't get that twisted because those most directly impacted by one asshole's actions should be the primary concern. It is a hell of a pill to swallow having something that dear to you go up in flames in such a public and grotesque way.

I don't blame anyone who feels any type of way about how it was handled and the aftermath of it. The truth of it all is, one person's really fucked up actions had widespread effects on a lot of people. The radius of that bomb was no joke.

Howell is very dear to me, and those Sundays were genuinely the favorite day of the week for me over that time. The backlash, anger, resentment, and then emptiness of it all really took its toll, as I'm sure it did on everyone caught in the blast zone.

The bad guy got got in the end, and I'm thankful for the folks who made sure that happened.

That year as a whole was really difficult. That wasn't the only heavy thing I had to work through that year. There was a stretch of six months that were probably the worst of my adult life in terms of interpersonal turmoil. The universe really took a bat to my kneecaps.

Saying ALLLLLLLL of that to say, if I had lost my love for Howell, it would have taken a significant toll on me creatively. I would not so freely share the parts of myself it takes to create the stories and characters I do now. I can pretty confidently say that something like Echoes or Shattered would never happen.

I struggled mightily with BitterSweet Chapter 3 for that reason. It was hard to want to carve out pieces of myself to share with the world, and certainly very difficult to work with anyone else out of fear that their bad actions could rob me of my passion even more.

But I learned a lot, and over that time I also think I was able to show my community how serious situations get handled while I'm at the helm. I hate that me and the team have been on the frontlines of a few really serious community PR nightmares, but I do think we've been able to exhibit an ability to treat things with maturity, respect, and direct action.

So Howell means a lot to me. We've been on two journeys, one fictional, and one real...and boy we've gotten our asses kicked more than a few times.

There is a chance, albeit a small one, that there's a DnD story to be told with Howell and some friends, for the world to partake in. Don't know if it'll happen, but the chances aren't 0%...

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

nice suit dumbass, did your husband pick it out for you?

[meanbossart]

i always love asking ppl this; how does your character (du drow) see themselves .vs. how they are seen by others (loved ones, friends, acquaintances, etc)

That is a good question!

When it comes to his self-perception, DU Drow assumes he cuts a very intimidating and off-putting figure at worst - and someone impressive and powerful at best.; he doesn't care either way as long as it favors him in either being left alone or getting what he wants out of people. He believes himself to appear confident and as having little regard for other people besides for his tight-knit group of friends and partner. He does believe that he's reliable - and even caring, as weirdly as he may express it. Not particularly intelligent but not dense enough to seem like an idiot. When it comes to more complex stuff - his needs, wants, beliefs, and how that comes across - his self-understanding is extremely lacking and vague. He doesn't have much of a point of comparison, however, so he doesn't really grapple with that.

When it comes to strangers (at least on the surface) he is pretty much right that he comes across as a scary, powerful person. Funnily enough, in the Underdark he is way less impressive to most of the population - a strange sight nonetheless, but his tactics don't work as well on it's citizens. Most drow don't know what to make of him, and generaly don't take him seriously or assume him to be half-something else or even not a drow at all.

(Shadowheart's and Astarion's POVs below, NOTE: these are based on what their relationships are like at the end-game/post-game, obviously there would be some significant differences if we were to talk about first-impressions and so on)

Shadowheart, being his closest friend, sees DU drow as kind of a doofus. She understands him as an animal with simple motivations and impulses, and has no real interest in pushing him to be anything else - in fact she envies how simplistically DU drow seems to view life and every hurdle that it throws his way, and looks up to him for seeming largely unaffected by his circumstances and unburdened by the things he has done/have happened to him. She does think he's a very fun person to be around - and someone she can say anything to and trust him to tell her exactly whats on his mind back, and generally tell her to pull herself by the bootstraps instead of letting her wallow in misery - she has overall a lot of respect and appreciation for the guy, though she doesn't express it too often since she thinks his ego is inflated enough. She isn't afraid or unnerved by him in the slightest and is kind of amused at how much other people are - she pretty much forgets that he looks like a freak.

As his romantic partner, Astarion's perception on him is fairly different. He thinks a bit more highly of Du drow's intellect than it probably appears, and finds it frustrating that he guy just doesn't seem to want to entertain a lot of... Thinking. He knows he can be perceptive and insightful based on how he treats him, but for whatever reason never applies that to himself, and the more they grow to know each other the more he thinks it's just a barrier DU drow has set up so he doesn't have to grapple with the things he's done and what he is. He is under no illusions that DU drow isn't a egoistical, blood-thirsty person (he likes those things about him, anyway) but worries that one day something will click in his brain, and all that willful ignorance will culminate into something terrible. He also thinks DU drow is a far more empathetic person than himself.

He really likes DU drow's company for his unfiltered demeanor - he thinks he's funny and a good listener (lol) and finds a lot of comfort in being with someone who seems incapable of hiding how they feel about him and their relationship, and doesn't think DU drow has much capacity for being manipulative or deceptive. Naturally he adores how much DU drow seems willing to devote himself to him, but it bothers him that it sometimes seem to veer into weird, damsel-in-distress-fantasy territory. Basically there's a lot about the guy that Astarion both likes and doesn't simultaneously.

[tmntkiseki]

This is a bit tangential to your Bo staff thought, but it made me think about it.

I’ve always thought Donny was the weakest fighter, mostly because on screen he’s the most likely to just drop what he’s doing or trip over himself. Which I attribute to him having his focus split between training and tech.

However, I personally don’t think him being physically the weakest makes sense. I don’t know a lot about the Bo staff either, but he uses it to launch himself quite a bit which has gotta take some crazy upper body strength. Which also tracks since he’s the one who’s (most often) working with heavy machinery. I think that’s a really interesting thought about how the weapon could lead to that stereotype, though. A guy with a staff doesn’t immediately look as imposing as a guy with a sword, even if they’re built the same.

Yeah, being physically weak and being the weakest fighter are two different things. As a casual observer, the bō comes off as a weapon that is far trickier to utilize effectively in combat as an offensive weapon than, say, Leonardo's katanas or Raphael's sais, simply due to the fact it's not a blade weapon; it is, for lack of better comparison, a glorified stick. And because it is a stick, it doesn't look particularly intimidating, which might give off the impression that Don is weak and doesn't have as much going for him when faced with a crowd of enemies.

However, what the bō lacks in raw attack power it more than makes up for in overall utility. A lot of Donatello's fighting style seems to rely on first defending against attacks with his bō, then finding an opportunity to counterattack using either the bō itself or his own strength. This gif offers a pretty good example of what Donnie looks like when he's at his best in combat, since we get to see him using his bō both offensively and defensively.

Like, especially note how the encounter with the Foot Ninja wielding the katana plays out. Don first uses his bō to block his attacker's weapon, then kicks him away while spinning the bō in the event the Foot Ninja attempts a counterattack, adopting a defensive posture in the process. A lot of lovely little details in the span of only a few seconds that show just what kind of fighter Don is.

Again, it's difficult to talk about how the turtles fight when you don't study/practice martial arts yourself, but Don is an interesting case study because he's probably one of the strongest turtles physically, yet his weapon of choice and the fighting style that comes along with it demands that he fight more defensively.

Edit: ALSO, in regards to Don having his focus divided between both ninja training and inventing, that would definitely account for some of his occasional clumsy moments during missions. He's definitely dedicated when it comes to his actual training sessions, but if he's spending a significant amount of time working on his machines, then he's likely not getting in quite as much practice as, say, Leo.

[emiliosandozsequence]

okay i'm gonna be very frustrated and angry probably but none of this is directed at you guys i promise!!! i'm just!!!! upset!!!!!!!!!! (tagging you so you see this emily!! 💕 @thesparrow1996 )

let me start off by saying i am not a book purist by any means, but when visual media is being made from a book, i would like it to, at the very least, be telling the same story and that isn't what happened here. it wasn't even telling the same story as the first film in the series.

in the last film, it seemed pretty apparent that paul's visions were going to become a reality and then in this one they Sort Of did that, but Not Really but that isn't even my biggest gripe with it. my biggest gripe is that the last film was telling the story of the book and this film was telling a different story altogether.

my other issue is how chani's character was completely changed. and think is probably because i've been obsessed with her character and the lovestory between her and paul (which is CENTRAL TO THE PLOT OF THE WHOLE SERIES BTW) since i first discovered dune when i was in high school.

in the book, she's supporting paul. she agrees with everything he's doing. she and the fremen all support him because the fact that the bene gesserit are controlling things from the shadows is NOT!!!!! a well known thing!! in fact no one knows that except the bene gesserit!!! OF WHICH CHANI IS CANONICALLY ONE!!!!!! (and even then the bene gesserit are very much a 'knowledge divided' kind of people so no one knows everything about the society) she and irulan are literally narrative foils!!!! like the entire reason i made this web weave was because of how much i fucking LOVE chani's storyline, and because i really love how it shows even the most well meaning of people can fall into the trap of doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. but i suppose it makes less sense to anyone else who hasn't read the book because they also entirely erased the existence of paul's first son.

in the books, paul has a son before he has his twins and that son is murdered by the very last of the harkonnens in a last ditch effort to erase the atreides bloodline. before this, paul is refusing to take the water of life because he has a family and he doesn't want to jeopardize that!! after his son is murdered, he takes the water of life, so he can enact revenge on the harkonnens and start his holy war. by then, he his so distraught that he really doesn't care if his visions become a reality and, while they tried to do this with the destruction of sietch tabr in this film, it does not have anywhere NEAR the same emotional impact because of how it was done (without paul really ever spending any significant time among the people there).

also, as you can imagine, i've got an issue with how they leave this film especially since this isn't even really the full first book and chani and paul's lovestory seems to not be anywhere near as central to the main plot as it is in the books.

all of this is an issue if they want to make further films because they've literally wrecked the storyline with this film. as i said: paul and chani's lovestory is central to the plot. everything happens the way that it does because paul is in love with her and treasures her above everything and, without the existence of his son, without him really seeming to truly care about her, the rest of the story is just going to come across as cheap by comparison.

i wouldn't have had as much of a problem with this if they'd started out the last film by steering it in this direction, but they so very much did not do that. this film really feels like denis villenueve was writing his own fix-it fanfic and that's what i hate about it most.

as for things i did enjoy:

everything on geidi prime; the black sun was so fucking cool. i completely forgot that was a thing from the books. i also loved how the fireworks looked like ink blots

stilgar!!! he's not really like that in the books, but i didn't even care bc it was genuinely funny and i had a good time whenever he was onscreen.

the way chani refused to bow to paul because they're supposed to be equals (you deserve so much better, babygirl, i'm so so sorry for what they've done to your story)

florence pugh did exactly what i thought she would and made me like irulan a WHOLE lot more than i do in the books and the miniseries.

crazy paul and jessica and alia!!! deeply obsessed with their evil family slay

also all the weird family stuff in general, including when feyd and harkonnen made out in front of the whole population of geidi prime

the whole bit with paul learning to ride the sandworm!! that was so fucking good

the part where paul is walking toward rabban out of the fog of the sand on arrakis after he tells muad'dib to come face him. that literally was my fav scene and it was only a few seconds long.

[ladygwyndolin]

You're clearly a great fan of Murcielago's villain protagonists, but what are your opinions on the antagonists?

well you can't send me an ask like this an expect me not to rate each of them individually, but i assume you knew this. crafty, glasses! I'm gonna rate the primaries here but I'll rate the secondaries next. Only up to Silver Scent.

Arc 0: Unnamed Serial Killer

Cringe loser, no swag, no style, unmemorable, no standards. Died in an accident. 0/5.

Arc 1: Tasuku Iimura

Just kind of a big brute, somewhat sad backstory but doesn't really bring anything to the table. This arc isn't really about him though. 1/5.

Arc 2: Hyoue Satori

Total patsy. Basically irrelevant as his only real contribution was bankrolling a cooler, sexier villain. 1/5.

Arc 3: Takeru Asagi

We're starting to get somewhere. He's still fairly meh, but his MO and backstory are way more interesting than the previous villains and his genuine care for his daughter gives him a bit of heart. OFC, he pales in comparison to how amazing a character said daughter is, but I'll give him a point for trying. 2/5.

Arc 4: Gold Marie

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!!! I LOVE GOLD MARIE. Absolutely horrible and irredeemable monster, twisted in fun and unique ways, tragic backstory, gay, disgusting, and, well. Y'know. She's got. uh. well. Anyway, one of the best in the series, no question. 5/5.

Arc 5: The Rainy Day Killer

Hands down the most terrifying villain in the entire series and it's not even close. I get the creeps just looking at him. It takes a lot to be a monster in a world as monstrous as Murcielago's, but boy oh boy does he do it. Great backstory, too. Gonna give him a 4/5 just because of how SCARY he is.

Arc 6: Marie Misaka

Meh. This arc is more about Kuroko herself being the villain rather than this chick, so she barely gets any screentime and doesn't have much to offer. 2/5 cuz there's some implied gay shit at least.

Arc 7: Toukichirou Higaki

Mostly a vehicle for more interesting side characters. His fighting style is cool, but his ultimate goal of dying in battle doesn't have any real weight to it. Pretty forgettable. 2/5.

Arc 8: Shin Tatewaki

Boring villain from a boring arc. 1/5 cuz i think his scar looks cool.

Arc 9: Cobalt Conrad

A very solid mad scientist archetype. I think his relatively friendly and calm demeanor persisting throughout both arcs he's in is great and I like that he came back as a villain in the first place. His ultimately plan is pretty simple and I feel like more could be done with him, but given that we haven't seen the last of him I think there's a chance we'll get new stuff from him too. 4/5.

Arc 10: Kurono

YEAH BABY YEAH BABY LET'S GO!!!!!!!!! I LOVE KURONO!!!! Cool split personality ghost with probably the best fight in the entire series (due to the fact that Kuroko is hilarious throughout it) and sympathetic motivation make her extremely memorable. A lot of people rank Master Swordsman as their favorite arc, and while it's not my personal pick, scenes with Kurono make me understand exactly why so many people love it. 5/5.

Arc 11: Rose Marie

Best boy with one of the best arcs. I looooove TTDUP and how fucked up it is, and this weird conjoined cannibal queen is what makes it work. The second most unsettling villain after the rainy day killer as well. Easy 6/5, I would love if we got more villains like him in the future.

Arc 12: Comedy Writer

Easily the least threatening major villain and thus one of the least interesting. This is another arc where Kuroko eclipses the actual antagonist by a significant margin, so his only real noteworthy moment is when Kuroko kills the shit out of him. 1/5.

Arc 13: Hazuki Sendou

Gross. Loser. Doesn't deserve Zenpachi. Keep that in your pants, loser. 1/5.

Arc 14: Yuusuke Arima

A deeply tragic and sympathetic villain, and one who we get to know as a person far more than most other villains. Serial killer or not, I just felt really fucking bad for this guy. Not huge on his sudden double evil turn at the very end so I've gotta dock him a point for that, but I'm overall a fan. 3/5.

Arc 15: Mineko and Ayako

Honestly it was tough for me to decide which one of these two was the "main" villain so I ultimately decided to just go with both of them because hey, it's my list. My verdict is that they did literally nothing wrong and should not be held accountable for any crimes whatsoever. 5/5.

Hopefully that answers your question!

[dnickels]

as someone from northern usa who’s considering moving i would love to hear more about the culture shock you experienced if you’d like to share

I have to begin with a few caveats, which is that I am making sweeping generalizations that will probably not hold true across race/class/gender lines, or in all situations, etc. but in my experience, as a lifelong Houstonian who spent significant time in places including Massachusetts and Pennsylvania, people in the Gulf Coast south are much more open to being friendly with strangers than people further north. Waving and making conversation with people you may not know but see often is the norm. A stranger on the bus or in line might comment on your haircut, tattoos, and start up a conversation. People might join you at a table at an outdoor coffeehouse for a little chit-chat. Generally if you can prove you are cool, open to low-stakes friendly small-talk, you can get pretty far even with people like cashiers or servers.

In comparison i found northern people to be pretty hostile across the board. Just not warm the same way. I realized that they never meant anything by it, but I'd be out on a walk and wave at my neighbors only to get stared at with disgusted confusion. I'd make a remark about the weather at checkout and be answered with a confrontational "OK?". Even my coworkers took a long time to warm up to me. I was pretty hurt and confused about why all my attempts to make polite conversation fell totally flat. I tried to tell a guy without an umbrella on the street that rain was in the forecast and he just straight up scoffed at me. A housemate in Massachusetts told me "When I met you I didn't know why you were being nice all the time, but now I know it's because you're nice." I'm not even that nice! I had another Mass housemate ask if I was angry at them because I was sitting out on the porch enjoying myself after work-- all these houses had porches and not a single person came out to sit on them. Like yes, there was a discharge of firearms across the street but that was an unusual circumstance (heavy drinking, frat boys). No one got hurt. The weather's nice, the vibes are good, why not sit outside and wave at people?

To this day I can't stand it when people want something from me but won't offer even a perfunctory "good morning" and just launch straight into their purpose. Say hello to me! If I get to work and people start immediately on work conversations I will stop them and make them go through a "Good morning, how are you?" exchange because god damn it, there has to be rules! Be courteous to me!!!

I also find that southern people are much more likely to couch their criticisms more gently or just not remark on something they think is ridiculous/stupid/ugly, whereas northern people will absolutely let you fucking know they hate whatever xyz thing you're doing/wearing. Funny example: I was part of an outdoor walking tour in Mass when two local guys came up and started openly gawking at the very idea of a historic walking tour. "What is this? Some kind of class?" One then looked at me and said "Well, don't have too much fun!" in a disgusted tone. It was hilarious.

Again, there are jerks in Houston (and plenty of bigots and racists) so I don't want to paint too rosy a picture, and the character of Htown specifically is change rapidly due to immigration from within the United States, but I found the rules were pretty similar in other southern states I've since worked in or passed through.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

There was a party outside the Bill Murray pub yesterday, home to Angel Comedy, a really really cool comedy club in London. They had comedians doing sets out of windows and off of rooftops, a situation in which filming and sharing the film on the internet is fair game, because if you don’t want the shit you say posted online, you shouldn’t shout it from a rooftop to a crowded yard in the middle of the afternoon. As such, yesterday I posted a video of Sam Campbell’s set, which was fucking awesome and everyone should go watch it and take the advice in his crowd work about downloading videos off YouTube.

Sam Campbell talked some shit about Nish Kumar during his set, and this is because Nish was the headline act, so he was in the area to make Sam say horrible things or whatever else he was accused of doing. Well guess what, everyone? That guy who filmed Sam Campbell also got Nish Kumar’s entire 24-minute set, which is fucking amazing. I have been lucky enough to hear a lot of stand-up comedy in the last couple of years, and this specific video, for the novelty of the occasion and the timing and everything else, is one of my favourite things I’ve gotten. And I’m allowed to share it. Because if you don’t want the things you say shared on the public internet, you shouldn’t shout them from a rooftop like, to quote the eighth wonder of the world, a fucking Beatle. (This weirdly is not the first time I’ve said the following sentence on this blog: “That analogy is of course imperfect, because hopefully Nish Kumar has beaten fewer women than John Lennon.”) When I made my post yesterday comparing the rooftop comedians to Beatles, I had not yet heard Nish Kumar’s set in which he did the same thing. I mean, it’s a very obvious comparison to make and was probably everyone’s first thought, but still, let me have this, I like that I chose the same comparison as Nish Kumar.

This is so fucking cool. This is, as Nish acknowledges right at the beginning, pretty much exactly how Nish Kumar is meant to be. He should always be shouting his material from a fucking rooftop, really. I’ve heard him talk in podcasts about how weird it is (in good ways and bad ways) that sometimes some of his gigs start to feel like a rally, but I’ve heard a bunch of Nish Kumar stand-up gigs and I’ve never heard that rally effect before this one. The way the audience cheers and whoops the more significant points, that’s the rally he’s described on podcasts. I’m going to guess the rally effect was triggered 5% because a major general election has just been called so everyone’s feeling pretty hyped up about politics, and 95% because it’s pretty hard to shout political screeds to a gathered crowd from a literal rooftop and have it not turn into a rally. I’ve heard plenty of Nish Kumar stand-up before, but it was something excitingly different to see a Nish Kumar rally (obviously the rally effect has its downsides, as Nish has outlined in measured interviews on podcasts before, but I’m pretty sure this specific one was cool).

This was the Nish Kumar that the tabloids think he is, the Nish Kumar that’s caricatured by other comedians who make jokes about him, the Nish Kumar that he isn’t always. This was 24 minutes of material that was purely, specifically political. I say “specifically” because sure, all Nish’s material is political in the same way that everything is political, he can take cultural or sociological or personal topics and tie them back to some political lens. But this set was entirely material about specific party politics or politicians, which isn’t how he always is. Nish Kumar’s current show involves stuff about football injuries and eccentric billionaires and making fun of Ed Gamble and talking shit about right-wing comedians and terrible Channel 4 television shows and some movie about tennis and listening to podcasts on a train. He specifically chose, for this set, to skip all of those topics, stick entirely to his stuff about various governments, and make it a political rally. And given the nature of this occasion (shouting from an actual rooftop) and the current timing, I think that was a fairly cool decision.

I might be wrong, but I think he’s going to structure his current show, when it’s a proper coherent hour-long format, around that little government history lesson dating back to Gordon Brown, but fill it out with the other stuff, from here and his less explicitly political things. I’m not sure that that’s what he’s doing, but it’s my guess based on how he’s structured these WIP sets, and as I’ve said before, it’s not reached it’s final form yet but if he takes all his current bits and structures them all nicely around some historical context (I fucking love historical context), I think he might be currently stringing together the best stand-up show of the last whole bunch of years. Not Nish’s best show. The best show. The part of my brain that is careful with language is yelling at me to change that to “my favourite show”, which obviously would be much more accurate because comedy is subjective, but no, that part of my brain can fuck off for this one time. You heard me, I meant what I said. It’s the best stand-up show.

This isn’t that show, it’s 24 cherry-picked minutes of it, delivered from a rooftop with the passion of eighteen comedians and six political activists, and what more could you want than that? I have to admit, this video made me start to think… what do I have booked at 14:50 during my five days in Edinburgh this summer, on the four days when I am not currently booked to see Nish Kumar (in his regular show, not podcast)? And should I consider skipping any of them to see Nish Kumar’s show more than once? I won’t, obviously. That would be an absurd thing to do, a waste of the amazing and unique opportunity that the Edinburgh Fringe Festival offers to see that wide a range of acts in one place. I won’t do that. I’m just saying that for one moment, watching him near the end of his set with the wind in his hair like an action movie star/Beatle shouting at the audience at the top of his voice and doing everything at once, I did briefly consider it. Seriously, there's a bit near the end where he does look like he's doing a fight scene in a movie. I don't call him the eighth wonder of the world for nothing.

I am ridiculously lucky that the coolest person I know got this whole thing on video so I get to see it despite the size of the Atlantic Ocean, and anyone else reading this post is ridiculously lucky that you get ot see it too, definitely give this a watch. And a download, as Sam Campbell mentioned. It's not likely to get taken down any time soon or anything, it's just good to get in the habit of saving your media.

(Obligatory note: Obviously this also made me laugh, I always feel the need to clarify that with a Nish Kumar set where I talk about anything besides specifically how funny it was, because I feel like I'm validating the people who claim he's just a "political rally" guy and people like him because they agree with him and not because he's funny, I didn't talk about it much in this post because Nish is always funny so in this post I focused on what made this set different from the others, but yes this set was also very fucking funny, I figure that can just go without saying once in a while. I'll tell you what, the first time I listen to more than three minutes of a Nish Kumar stand-up set without having to catch my breath from laughter, I'll let you know. Until then, assume it's funny.)

[kharonite]

Consolidated thoughts on my portrayal of Shockwave, or "That One Mech With Joshua Valienté Syndrome (Sorry For The Obscure Long Earth Reference)".

Foreword: I don't like IDW all that much (specifically, I don't like JRO's writing), I don't care for IDW Shockwave as a character and therefore I take zero inspiration from him specifically, though you can probably draw parallels between traits he shares with other canonical instalments. My favorite Shockwaves are the original G1, TFA and Aligned, so mine is a (kind of awkward, as I haven't written him long enough for him to really come into his own yet) mishmash of all three.

I love rambling! I never shut up! I'll shove the rest under a cut to save everyone's dashes. If you like borderline nonsensical word salad, I hope you enjoy.

Part One: Unloneliness And Underworld Kaonites.

Underworld Kaonites are my invention, so I'm obligated to throw a short tangent about them in here. Yes, I know Shockwave is (in some canons) from Tarn. Mine is from Kaon. Who give a shit.

Cybertron is a planet with layers. Like an onion, if an onion were more spread out, with space between the layers. From the mantle of the stratosphere to the depths of the planetary core, every layer of the planet houses some form of civilization (housed, before the War wiped most of them out); and, inevitably, there was some cultural divide between "surface dwellers" and "those weird subterranean guys". To lift an excerpt from my own writing: "Underworld Kaonites possess their own subculture and social aptitudes, differing from that of surface dwellers; they are calm, implacable mechanisms that lack investment in personal connections and instead focus on the collective progression of their society. They don’t yield much in the way of emotional response, and seem entirely dispassionate."

Worldbuilding, yay. Underworld Kaonites were the toughest underground residents of them all, thanks to just how inhospitable their territories were by comparison. They lived in close-knit clans, but every single one of them was equally as content alone as they were around others. Their social bonds were built on necessity. New ideas had to benefit the many, or they were not good ideas. They did not mourn their dead, they recycled them. While the surface dwellers looked to the stars, the Underworld Kaonites looked deeper into Cybertron itself, reading tectonic movements and spidering energon veins and the pulses of life thrown out by the Well with as much significance as the surface dwellers tracked the movement of celestial bodies.

Rarely did any of them migrate to the surface, but Shockwave did; and he found himself surrounded by mechanisms that looked, acted and thought completely differently from what he was familiar with. And he started having ideas.

Part Two: Logical Loyalty, And The Re-evaluation Of.

Shockwave did not love Megatron. He loved a vision of domination and unification and perfect social cohesion, and Megatron was, for a time, someone who embodied that vision. At this point Shockwave was already a pretty prideful mech, utterly self-obsessed with his vast intellect, but it was logical to kneel. So, he knelt, and he played the role of fanatical follower.

And then Megatron left, and Shockwave clung to his vision and convinced himself it would still come to pass for as long as he could. He failed to account for the variable that is chaos. Following the exodus and his promotion to Guardian, he experienced endless mutinies from the remaining Decepticons that were supposed to obey him, but decided they were better off doing whatever they wanted, got beat up by Elita-1 over and over, was energy-starved and wounded, and decided this whole "being completely helpless" thing wasn't for him. Megatron had likely died off in space somewhere, Cybertron was also dead, and Shockwave fell back on that one fundamental goal he had been raised to believe was the most important of all—survival.

And he was very, very good at surviving.

Part Three: The World Within A World.

Shockwave returned to the Underworld, and started to build.

Others followed him, inevitably, but they were surface dwellers, and either died in the depths or fled back to the light. Shockwave continued to build, but most importantly, he began to dismantle. Anything constituting infrastructure, he uprooted, tore apart and reinvented. When he was done with all that, he proceeded to reinvent himself.

Physically, yes, but mentally as well. He straddled the cultural divide between subterranean and surface dweller; a limitless collective of practices and beliefs cemented in unfeeling logic. He had laid the foundations for a prosperous future, but it was not a future he intended to inherit alone. So what if he could live forever? There was no satisfaction in being purely self-serving. He wanted his far-reaching influence to shape the lives of others. In other words, Shockwave fancied himself a god.

And in the Underworld, at the top of a food chain he'd manufactured himself, maybe he was. He decided what lived and what died. He maintained a perfect ecological balance, down to each and every atom of each and every specimen of flora and fauna, the landscape they lived off, the energon that sustained them. He'd seeded a biosphere thousands of leagues in circumference, shaped it over the millennia, and now it thrived in the palm of his hand. If he closed his fist, it would all cease to exist. It was on a relatively small scale, yes, but what higher power could he obtain?

Then the War, which he had dismissed as a priority, suddenly ended, Cybertron was restored, and Shockwave was thrown headfirst into another phase of uncertainty. Chaos had returned to haunt him again.

Part Four: That One Mech With Joshua Valienté Syndrome.

Shockwave enjoys being alone. He enjoys being around other people, too. He has no preference either way. He doesn't need friendship, he doesn't feel empathy, he just wants to observe and maybe continue playing at being god on an increasingly broader scale. If he can snatch up a few allies to bolster his standing, that's all well and good, but he is the embodiment of self-sufficiency. He regards people like he regards a particularly interesting bug, which is less of an insult when you realize just how much he loves bugs.

To be clear: his apparent social ineptitude is, for the most part, an act. He understands people just fine; getting them to explain their beliefs and actions is just something he likes to do because it gives him more data to work with. Others seem to tolerate him more, even trust him, when he fumbles social norms, so that's what he does. He doesn't want to appear as a threat, so he acts non-threatening.

This isn't to say he knows everything; he is, on occasion, kind of a dumbass that relies too heavily on patterns of behavior to make predictions, and he is a very proud individual who can be riled with the right insult. Certain mechs (coughRatchetcough) seem to draw this flaw out more than others. Consequently, it's these individuals that fascinate him the most.

His ultimate, over-arching goal is exactly as he explained here: progress for the sake of progress. This is reflected in his relationship with his son, Predaking, who for this blog's divergent canon he created for no other reason than he could. Does he love his son? Maybe, probably, kinda. As everything is with Shockwave, it's complicated.

(My) Shockwave is not evil. He is not good. He performs acts that can be considered either, depending on who you ask. Ultimately, he serves only one master: pure logic. But what is logic? A miserable narrative crutch to justify making a character irredeemably evil. But enough talk, have at you!

Part Five: Jesus Christ, I'm Still Typing, Anyway How About That Logic, Huh?

There are two forms of logic, which Wikipedia is going to help me explain as loosely as possible, because I'm stupid: formal logic and informal logic.

Formal logic is the academic, mathematical, science-y one. Informal logic concerns itself with everyday events, discourse, and criticism. Canonical portrayals of Shockwave's "logic" are often kind of fucking dumb in an unfun way, so I have chosen to disregard them and invent my own take. He embodies all forms of logic, scientific or otherwise. Logic is simply fundamental to the way the world works, and how society is influenced, and he takes advantage of a deep understanding of it. He's the logic-inator, baby.

"I loved it when Shockwave said "it's logic-ing time" and logic'd all over those guys."—Some Guy, Probably.

Part Six: Don't Look At This Post's Wordcount. Please.

I love Shockwave. I hope you guys will love my take on Shockwave, too, even if it's nonsensical in parts and kind of dumb in others. Transformers is an inherently goofy franchise, and I love goofy shit, so this blog isn't going to be serious all the time because that just sucks the fun out of it. If you read to this point, hey, thanks!

Just like Cybertron, and onions, Shockwave has layers. Over time, I expect they'll become more apparent. Maybe they'll start peeling and he'll become someone very different. Who knows.

[yohangaontdj]

The Devil Judge Rewatch Ep3 (Part 3)

Continuation of Part 1, which can be found here. And Part 2, here.

Gaon's Change in Clothing

How loose and ill-fitting they were at the beginning. And obviously rummaged from Yohan's wardrobe.

Then becoming more exactly to Gaon's size. And without Gaon able to leave the Kang mansion, Yohan must have ordered it for him. And he seemed to like having Gaon in white. Maybe because of how see-through the colour could be.

And now, moving on to other stuff I love about Ep 3.

Cute cute Isaac!

Look at him coming to share his treats with baby Yohan, and how happy his smile was.

And I can't help but wonder if because Isaac is lonely too. His mother gone and his dad lost in his grief for his wife. Probably didn't even have the energy to deal with him. And maybe that is why Isaac had latched onto baby Yohan.

First look at Adult Isaac and Young Elijah

Now we truly get to see how much the resemblance is there between Gaon and Isaac.

No wonder Gaon was so shocked.

The Filming of TDJ

I love TDJ for the cinematography also. The way they frame the shots that, for me, are like artworks on their own. And which also had a lot of significance also. Not framed just to have a pretty shot.

The Top-Down Zoom-In Shot

TDJ uses this a lot. And what struck me in this re-watch and which I have to make a comparison.

It is how subtle, the difference between our first time seeing the round table where the President and the rest that Yohan wanted to take down in his revenge. The edges as the camera zoomed in, it sort of resemble the shot when Yohan was looking through the rifle to shoot at the bus driver.

And maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I just feel like this lot of rich people that was at the church fire, they are now in the line of sight - targets that Yohan had been aiming to gun down.

Cause these two are so different from when the camera had zoomed into the live court show in Ep1. The edges are round and the camera had went through what looked like a ring of fire before stopping above the courtroom. And fire is such a significant part of TDJ.

And look at Yohan and Gaon and Jinjoo making a triangle which is a shape that often means stability.

The Shift in Light to Show Passage of Time

Another often used shot in TDJ. The change in the length of light shining in to show time awas passing.

Used twice in just this episode, and will appear again later on. Just love love the beauty of it.

Gaon sleeping the morning away due to the pills he had taken.

The passage of time until Yohan showed up in his hoodie and white sneakers to beat the hell out of the guy who had planted the bomb.

That's about it for Ep3 which is my favourite always.

[eshtaresht]

oh damn oh jees I'm so normal sooo sooooo normal rn ahaha! emotionally, I'm feeling sorta ZGBZFDHZV HV ZDH DZVVZDS ZD ZZV LZV. like, it's trigun, I expected it to hit hard BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO HIT SO HARD spoilers for ep 10 under the cut as usual

tbh I'm mostly shaking about the next ep and impending season finale, but this one was still pretty brutal

firstly, the goofs. vash fucking SNEESING and getting ruthlessly bullied by wolfwood is pretty much in spirit of their relationship in 98' anime and I'd love to see more of it (pls I hope there'll be a season 2)

scar reveal! I was afraid they're gonna give him a glow up and yeah, some scars are barely visible, but the other ones look awful. so, everything I hoped for, good to see he's in pain /j. also nico tried so hard not to stare at shirtless vash... he's looking away respectfully

vash is such a wet cat pathetic paperbag of a guy... just let that guy take a shot, barely flinched, took the bullet 'cause he thinks he deserved it. didn't even think of attending the wound until wolfwood said so. and, mind you, vash doesn't have any superhuman abilities so that must've hurt like hell

nico's job is so funny because to keep vash safe he has to get into mega epic fights, but also remind that idiot to eat and take care of wounds. again, vashwood duo feels more like the original now, after the sandsteamer. I think nico actualy started caring about vash since he saved the orphanage, it's great to see him conflicted with his mission

also policemen from ep 1 and the guy who shot vash are like... second best side characters in stampede and this is not a compliment. the best ones are nomads who ate worms btw

oh meryl, she's gonna girlboss so hard now... woe to all the haters and naysayers, she's getting character development and faces the same conflict as vash and nico thus gaining more narrative significance!! don't get me wrong, manga and 98' anime meryl was a crucial character, but she's getting much more freedom in stampede to develop and get into action

the moment where she gets up during wolfwood voiceover is when we start to see the "iron lady" and I'm so here for it! now we just have to wait for her designated therapy dog girlfriend to appear and when I can be at peace

tbh I don't really care about roberto. no hate, just neutral, rip drunckle grumps

everybody just dumped zazie... so rude, meryl didn't even answer their question >:(

elendira is..... not bad, but disappointing in comparison to the manga's gorgeously evil and hilariour girlboss who was also explicitly trans! oh look, she's a child experiment plant hybrid now, yay... meh

TESLA CONFIRMED omg I'm SOO exited for the next episode we're gonna be in SO MUCH PAIN

knives yeeting vash into the pit got a giggle out of me, but also... damn he actually was preparing all these years, crafting a perfect trap. and all the plants... he couldn't fix them and boy oh boy, I'm pretty sure he gathered them not for safekeeping... HE'S GONNA DO A LAST RUN ON THEM TO "FIX" VASH!! that was probably what elendira was refering to when she started crying

I am the normallest about this. these twins are such hyppocrites I wanna study and dissect them. knives doing the most cruel thing to his sisters so he can get rid of everything that makes vash human in hopes that if they were on the same footage they would finally stay together.......

and the words that he says to vash hurt so much more because it's true. he does love humans, but the main thing driving him is guilt. in stampede, more than ever, vash blames himself for pretty much all human suffering, because he helped the great fall happen. no wonder he's so depressed and not nearly as goofy! homeboy doesn't just protect the lives rem saved, his pacifistic quest is penance for all the people he (thinks he) killed

july is going to destroy him.

[kohakurin8]

Dissecting Kimetsu no Yaiba

~ Zenitsu & Susano-O ~

💜🐇

So, I began watching Kimetsu no Yaiba because I adore yokai and mythology. It's so immensely fun for me to try identifying what yokai are being referenced in the series, since it takes place during the time period of Japan before they were classified as distinct species, instead simply being collectively labeled as "Oni".

However, while the obvious mythological parallels in the series lie within the titular Oni and their significance, I recently came to the realization that this has blinded us from the mythological references made by the human characters as well.

And it all starts with Zenitsu Agatsuma

I was recently researching the Japanese kami of storms, Susano-O, for a character when I came to this creative epiphany, if you will. Let's start by summarizing the absolute rollercoaster that is this kami epitome of an annoying little brother who grows up to be real hot shit.

Most accounts agree that after Izanagi visited Izanami in Yomi, he bathed himself and from it created several children. Amaterasu was born when he washed his right eye, Tsukuyomi from his left eye, and awkward ol' middle-child Susano-O was born when Izanagi washed his nose.

Cause ya know, that's a great way to start out life. The Nose Child.

But more upsetting than that to newly "born" Susano-O was actually the absence of his mother, Izanami. He cried and cried and threw big fits and tantrums because he missed his mother so much, something his siblings I guess couldn't really relate to. And, true to form, Susano-O continued to act out as he got older, oftentimes quarreling with perfect-child Amaterasu. Without going into too much detail, let's just say one of these fateful quarrels led to Susano-O throwing one of his Tantrums ™ and getting kicked out of Takamagahara -- a.k.a. Heaven for Gods

So while he was meandering around the mortal realm, he met a grieving old couple who requested his assistance. Turns out they've been terrorized by a monstrous 8-headed serpent called Yamata-no-Orochi who's eaten one of their 8 daughters every year. So instead of just...moving away like normal people, they ask for Susano-O's help in saving their final daughter. Susano-O, being a nice guy and all, promised he'd save her in exchange for her hand in marriage. They agreed and to protect the girl he turned her into a comb and placed her on his hair.

That's one way to handle a damsel in distress I guess.

Then he had the couple prepare a huge tub of sake, let the Orochi get so drunk it passed out, then carved it up into little pieces, discovering a sword in it's tail. Because that's totally normal. But, hey, in the end Susano-O got a pretty little wife and regained the love and approval of his family so... win-win?

Now at this point you might be wondering "How exactly does this apply to Zenitsu?"

Or maybe you're thinking "Rin, are you sane? Should I be getting you help?"

In either case just hear me out here. Susano-O is described as being wild and emotional, as well as very destructive and short-tempered. Zenitsu also displays these traits -- his reactions are overdramatic, he tends to be very emotional, and he's very quick to anger in certain circumstances.

There's also the fact that they both have lightning powers, but that's a given. As a side note, they also both have messy and odd hairstyles.

Zenitsu is always afraid of something and always animated. His emotions spike erratically and tbh...he whines a lot.

But that's fine because remember when i said Susano-O threw fits over missing his mom? Well, this is probably where the comparison of the two is most relevant -- though it's made to sound more like Susano-O is a bratty child, but if you read between the lines, it's more accurate to say that he was just... lonely. Susano-O whined for his mother because he felt left behind, alone, and scared.

If we look back to the Spider arc on Mount Natagumo we see Zenitsu feeling the exact same way, and even admitting that he feels abandoned and alone quite frequently. It's a mutual feeling the two have.

There's also the matter of Nezuko and Zenitsu's valiant determination to protect her. It's incredibly reminiscent of Susano-O's determination to protect his future wife.

So the more I research it, the more I've concluded that Zenitsu is definitely supposed to be a reference to Susano-O.

Feel free to share your opinions on the matter with me!

[gojology]

— Gojo and Nanami | Their Insecurities

pairing : insecure gojo x gender neutral reader, insecure nanami x gender neutral reader warnings : unedited, probably some misspellings, maybe some cursing, i probably dont make sense at all wordcount : 1703 a/n : this is so bad dear god please forgive me for deeming this as content

GOJO SATORU ‧₊˚✩��.

☆ Gojo’s insecure about his lack of bodyhair. His lack of facial hair and arm hair worries him. Being babyfaced wasn’t something positive in his eyes- no, he wishes he was physically more masculine.

   Your eyes meet his, the sun rays bathing both of you in an orange filtered light. His mouth is slightly opened, skin flush to the touch. After a night of intimacy, your ready for another round, pushing your palm towards his forehead. “Good morning, Satoru.” you say, voice slightly wavering even in the most private presence, without the formalities and what not, he’s surprisingly normal, and it’s taken you a bit to adjust to that. He’s warm, but it’s the good kind of warm, and it shows on his silly, dopey smile.

    You guess it wasn’t the time for more sex, so you resist your urges, directing the energy to something else.

    Gradually, your palms find themselves on his cheeks, and you pinch them slightly, giving him a look you hope is loving- because you really do mean it. Your rest assured, as the curve to his swollen lips grew even wider. The sounds of bird chirped as your fingers danced across his jawline, finally at your final stop, his chin. 

    You tip his chin up, and sure enough, hickeys are adorning his neck. A feeling of joy and honor fills you for a brief second, you were the one that was allowed to see him vulnerable, given the pass into his locked up heart. He finally breaks the silence between the two of you, pushing away your slack hand delicately. 

    It’s peculiar, there’s a tremble to his lips, like he’s scared, or about to burst into a fit of tears. You think it should be the other way around, but here you were, arms held close to your chest, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation, bated breath preventing you from questioning the sudden change in tone. 

    “Hey, um, Y/N, weird ass question, but, am I hairy? Like, wooly mammoth hairy?” 

    You can’t tell if it’s sarcasm or not.

    Trying not to make a face, you shrug your shoulders. “Well, I mean, not really. You’re actually pretty nonhairy, in terms of uh... The average-” you pause, realizing how drastically his face fell. “-But I do like non-hairy guys! Who would wanna date a wooly mammoth anyways? Hey, baby..” you coo, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek, fluttering your eyelashes.     “What’s this about? Hey, you know, you can just be straightforward with me, I don’t mind.” 

    He doesn’t take a moment of hesitation, exasperatedly blurting out, “Does my lack of.. Hair, bother you?” but it seems he regrets it, your cheeks puffing up, stifling a giggle. Yet, he maintains the bone-chilling eye contact, his eyes are as vivid as ever, so blue it looked like the entrance to heaven. Your immediately lulled, whatever he was going to say was definitely urgent.

    “W-What? Are you being serious?” covering your mouth, your voice is muffled, but his face looks absolutely terrified, and you relish in how funny he looked. It wasn’t everyday that he was genuinely frightened, well, maybe he didn’t show it often.    “Of course not! Why would I be even remotely worried about bodyhair when I have something way more eye-catching in front of me?”

    The shock turns into a sheepish smile, returning for a second time, your heart melting instantly. He takes a long, deep breath, exhaling the tension away, tugging at the covers to go over his chest. You hadn’t realized that he had stolen more than half of the blanket for himself, but you don’t make a fuss about it. 

    For all the weight he carried on his sagging shoulders, you’re sure the warmth is appreciated. 

NANAMI KENTO ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Nanami thinks he’s a boring person, through and through. Outside of work, he doesn’t see why anyone would want him. Some days, he wonders if he should pick up on Gojo’s personality, telling jokes and being sarcastic and what not.

   The fine, white porcelain Nanami had gifted you was beautiful, to say the least. Nanami frequently shone it until it glimmered in the light, wiping any smudge or speck of dirt that dared to get on his beloved tea set that he gifted to you a few months prior. Gold trim, alongside depictions of birds fluttering about, and your favorite flowers. It’s perfect for you, and that’s why he had gotten it. His eyes had instantly brightened, picturing your beaming face as you served the two of you some tea.

   But he wonders, would you be happier if he perhaps gifted you something more up to date in comparison to the porcelain? He had enough money to buy you the world, bags, jewelry, he’d often used to hear stories of his co-workers giving their wives expensive, well, anything, and they’d be over the moon. A sudden realization grew inside of him at the thought of this:    

   Was he too out-of-date?    

   The thought went rampant in his usually collected mind, twisting and turning at night, only the sound of you, deep in sleep, could calm the troubled man down. As a consequence to his overthinking, he got little to no rest, and if he got little to no rest, his eyebags would turn their ugly, sneering faces in his direction.

     And so, as he’s baking tea cakes to go along with the afternoon tea the two of you would routinely drink, he’s going deep into depth of himself. He’s a good worker, good at...

     What was he good at? Aside from work, he can’t see why he’d be of use. Nanami acknowledges he’s stoic, which may be good in some cases, but often, everyone runs away from him because he appears as scary with those cold, calculating eyes. As opposed to Gojo, everyone enjoyed how lenient of a teacher he was. Well, Nanami isn’t sure on that, maybe aside from Megumi, Nobara, and Yuuji, everyone hated that. Regardless, him and Gojo don’t share something in common.

     Gojo has humor, and he doesn’t. 

     So why did you like him? 

     Nanami’s subconsciously drumming his long, bony fingers against the counter, eyes studying the ceiling like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Steadily, an acrid smell completely overwhelmed your senses- now, you’re hacking into your arm, and finally, Nanami comes back to Earth. 

     He blinks a few times, like he’s drinking in his surroundings, before he realizes the tea cakes are completely burning into a crisp.

Now, he’s on heightened alert, yanking open the handle to the oven and fanning out the flames with a random oven mitt he had hastily grabbed for. Beads of sweat are developing on his skin, before finally, you rush in, still hacking up a storm with a large pot of freezing water in your shaking hands.

     Nanami curses himself for ever appearing as informal, but then he remembers he’s infront of his significant other, he didn’t have to put on an act. His face relaxes, and he opens his mouth to speak, to apologize, but he’s paused- by you. You raise your palm up at him, the other hand opening up a window looking over the garden.

      “Nana.” he freezes completely, the affectionate nickname was specially reserved for confrontations like this. You spoke softly, which, for some reason, was significantly worse than you screaming into his ear. Your eyes follow suit, staring at his collar, loosening his tie. He winces, but Nanami’s not sure why he does. You had touched him millions of times, so why was it now that he didn’t accept it?

     “Yes, my love?” he finally breathes out, wrapping a strong, gentle arm around your waist just loosely. You place your thumb just below his lower lip, your index finger rubbing his plush lips all at the same time. The exchange is purely affectionate, yet, he’s still tense. 

    “What has gotten into you?” you murmur. 

    “I- Nothing, darling, I’ll bake another-” 

    “No.” is all you say before you grab him by the chin, unwavering. Usually, those piercing eyes of his are emotionless, something shocking. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, so why is it that it’s blocked off? But you guess it wasn’t the case here, he stared back with the same level of intensity, fear and peculiarity. You stay in that position for a little, savoring just how much you must mean to him, it wasn’t everyday he was vulnerable and let you inside.      Your breathing is heavy, eyelids heavy as well due to his routinely ruckus every night, but you’re determined to erase any trace there was left of that.       You kiss him. It’s sloppy, yet chaste. A fight for dominance usually occurs between the two of you, and almost routinely, Nanami wins, but this time, he lets you do the work. 

   Your lips never once trail away from his own. Heavy breathing through nostrils, hands roaming where it shouldn’t at such an early time, but who gave a fuck about the rules? It wasn’t a workplace, and you’d never let it be one. He clings onto your figure, you savor his muscular physique. Not once do his hands not roam, your flesh was his, and his was yours. 

    Finally, you pull away, heat rising to your cheeks, tears are beginning to dawn on your glassy eyes. “I’ve listened to you roll around in bed every night, mumbling shit about how you don’t see why I’d want you. You better donate your eyes and brain to charity right now.” 

   This wasn’t the reaction, or beatdown he was expecting. He flinches at the vivid image he got of you gouging out his eyeballs. “...Why must I do that? 

   “Because, you don’t use them, obviously. If you took a fucking second of your life to look deeper into your personality below the surface level, you’d see how fucking amazing you are and I love you for that.” 

   Shaking your head furiously, you shush him up yet again when he finally decides to speak up, tears are beginning to spill down your cheeks. “Shut up, Nana. Shut. Up.” pulling him in for another kiss, your hands grabbing at his shoulder like he was going to let go. 

   But he never did. 

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part 1 of 3

Disclaimers and trigger warnings: 

1. These fairytales are European, although there’s often overlap in themes globally. I know European fairytales better, which is essentially the reason I’m not going to branch out too far. I opted to also stick to Western movies so as not to narrow things down, but also in particular “waves hand towards all of Ghibli” amongst many others. There’s a reason the guys in Ghibli are so gender.

2. TW for discussions of rape culture and rape fantasies

EDIT: FUCK I’M A GOBLIN CHILD! FORGOT TO PUT A MASSIVE MASSIVE THANK YOU TO @mimsyaf​ WHO HAS BEEN THE NICEST, KINDEST EDITOR ON THESE THOUGHTS AND CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH TO THEM AND GENERALLY IS A WONDERFUL PERSON!

Part 2

Part 3

1. Introduction

I recently wrote a little thing, which was about Daniel as a fairytale protagonist – specifically one that goes through some of the kinds of transformations that are often associated with female protagonists of fairytales.

I used quotes from Red Riding Hood, Labyrinth, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and Dracula, which, as an aside – the overlap between fairytales, horror, and fantasy and the ways each of those genres delve into very deep, basic questions of humanity and the world is something that will always make me feral. I will be generally sticking with fairytales though. Also I am very excited about some of those Labyrinth concepts going around!

I’m going to use “feminine” and “masculine” in both gendered (as in relating specifically to people) and non-gendered (as in relating to codes) ways throughout this, depending on context.

To be binary for a moment, because sample-sizes of other genders are low, women are usually able to fall into either feminine or masculine arcs, although sometimes the masculine-coded woman can become a “not like the other girls” stereotype and the feminine-coded woman a shallow cliché – in both cases they’re also under more scrutiny and judgement, so it’s always worth asking “is this character not working for me because of the writing or because I have ingrained biases? (Both?)”

Men don’t often get feminine-coded arcs. Because. Probably a mix of biases and bigotry. But there are some that seem to have slipped beneath the shuttered fence of “Sufficient Narrative Testosterone,” and Daniel LaRusso is one of them.

2. Some Dude Comparisons (Men Doing Manly Action-Hero Things like being trans symbolism and loving your girlfriend… seriously those things are hella manly, I wish we saw more of that onscreen…)

a. Neo

Much like Neo The Matrix, whose journey is filled with transgender subtext and specifically and repeatedly references Alice In Wonderland, Daniel doesn’t go through quite the kind of hero's journey usually associated with Yer Standard Male Hero, especially the type found in the 80s/90s.

Neo is my favourite comparison, because of the purposefulness of his journey as a trans narrative and the use of Alice. But I’m sure there are other non-traditional male heroes out there (but are they trans tho? Please tell me, I want trans action heroes).

Neo “passes” as a socially acceptable man, but online goes by a different name - the name he prefers to be known by - feels like there’s something inherently wrong about the world around him and his body’s place in that society, and then gets taken down the rabbit hole (with his consent, although without really “knowing” what he’s consenting to) to discover that it’s the world that’s wrong - not him. And by accessing this truth he can literally make his body do and become whatever he wants it to.

Yay. (The message of the Matrix is actually that trans people can fly).

Neo is – kind of like Daniel – a strange character for Very Cis Straight Guys to imprint on. He spends most of the first movie unsure about what’s going on, out of his depth, and often getting beaten up. He is compared to Alice several times and at the end he dies. He loses. He has to be woken up with true love’s kiss, in a fun little Sleeping Beauty/Snow White twist. Yes, after that he can fly, but before that he’s getting dead-named and hate-crimed by The Most Obvious Stand-In For Normativity, Agent Smith, and being carried by people far more physically capable than he is (people who also fall outside of normative existence).

Trinity and Neo in The Matrix. The fact that a lot of the time neither of them is gendered is something. Literally brought to life by true love’s kiss.

I’m not about to argue that Daniel LaRusso is purposefully written along these same thought processes, so much as the luck of the way he was written, cast, directed, acted, and costumed all came together in the right way. And this is even more obvious when compared to That Other Underdog Fite Movie That Was By The Same Director as Karate Kid.

b. Rocky

The interesting thing about Rocky is that he is (despite being a male action icon) also not written as a Traditionally Masculine person. Large portions of Rocky – and subsequent Rocky films – are his fear and insecurity about fighting vs his inability to apply his skills to another piece of work and wanting to do right by his girlfriend (and future wife), Adrian. The fighting is most often pushed onto him against his will.

Much like in Karate Kid there is barely any fighting in Rocky I. Most of it is dedicated to how much Rocky loves Adrian and the two of them getting together. The fight is – again like in Karate Kid – a necessary violence, rather than a glorified one (within the plot, obviously watching any movie like this is also partly about the badassness of some element of the violence – whether stamina or the crane kick, it’s all about not backing down against a more powerful opponent).

Rocky is played by Sylvester Stallone. He’s tough, he’s already a fighter (albeit in the movie not a great one yet), he’s taking the fight for cash – so although he’s also soft-spoken and sweet, you’re aware of the fact that he’s got those traits that’d make a male audience go “Hell Yeah, A Man,” or whatever it is a male audience does watching movies like that… cis straight men imprinting on oiled muscle men sure is a strange phenomenon, why do you wanna watch a boxing match? So you can watch toned guys groaning and grappling with each other? Because you want to feel like A Man by allowing yourself to touch the skin of other men?

Apollo and Rocky in Rocky III. This sequence also includes prolonged shots of their crotches as they run. Sylvester Stallone directed this. This was intentional. Bros.

Daniel LaRusso is not built like that. But that doesn’t really have to matter. Being smallish and probably more likely to be described as “pretty” than handsome, and not having a toxic masculine bone in his body does not a feminine archetype make. It just makes a compelling (and pretty) underdog. 

c. Daniel

So where does the main difference really lie? Between Rocky and Daniel? Well, Rocky has the plot in his hands – Daniel, largely, does not. Rocky is acting. Daniel is reacting or being pushed into situations by others. Just like our boy Neo. Just like Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Snow White – just like some of the women in some contemporary(ish) fairytale films like Buttercup (Princess Bride), Dorothy (Wizard of Oz), or Sarah (Labyrinth).

This isn’t a necessary negative about stories about girls and women, so much as looking at what it is girls and women in fairytales have/don’t have, what they want, and how they’re going to get it. It’s about power (lack of), sexuality (repressed, then liberated), men, and crossing some taboo lines. It’s also about queerness.

3. The Karate Kid Part One: Leaving Home

Daniel LaRusso is a poor, skinny, shortish kid (played by a skinny, shortish twenty-two-year old) who doesn’t fit in after having been taken away from the home he was familiar with against his will. Not every male protagonist in a fairytale leaves of his own will, and not every female protagonist leaves under duress – Red Riding Hood, for example, seems perfectly happy to enter the forest. However generally a hero is “striking out to make his fortune,” and generally a heroine is fleeing or making a bargain or being married off or waiting for help to arrive. She is often stuck (and even Red Riding Hood requires saving at some point).

Daniel then encounters a beautiful, lovely girl on the beach, puts on a red hoodie (red is significant), is beaten up by a large, attractive bully, loses what little clout he may have had with his new friends, and generally has a mostly miserable time until he befriends and is saved by Mr Miyagi. To do a little Cinderella comparison: Miyagi is the fairy godmother who pushes Daniel to go to the ball in disguise as well, and that disguise falls to pieces as he’s running away.

Then Daniel asks for help, Miyagi gets him enrolled in a Karate Tournament, and starts teaching him. Daniel wins the tournament and gets the girl, the end.

While Daniel has chutzpah and is a wonderful character, none of the big events are initiated by him, except for the initial going to the forest/beach (and within all of these events Daniel absolutely makes choices – I’m not saying he’s passive): Lucille takes them to California, Miyagi pushes him to go to the dance, Miyagi again decides to enroll him in the tournament and trains him, and only because Kreese doesn’t allow for any other option, Ali is the one who more often than not approaches Daniel, and even their first encounter is pushed by Daniel’s friends.

Daniel really is at a dance/ball in disguise and receives a flower from a girl who recognises him through said disguise, it’s unbearable! It’s adorable! I get it Ali, I fucking get it!

Daniel’s main journey within this – apart from not getting killed by karate thugs (love u Johnny <3) and kissing Ali – is to learn from Miyagi. He’s not necessarily a full-on feminine fairytale archetype at this point, although there are fun things to pull out of it, mainly in the context of later films and Cobra Kai: the subtext of karate and how that builds throughout all the stories, the red clothes, the themes of obsession, his being targeted by boys whose masculinity is more than a little bit toxic and based on shame… more on all that coming up.

He doesn’t technically get a home until they build him a room at Miyagi’s place, but he definitely leaves the woods at the end of this one, trophy lifted in the air after being handed to him by a tearful Johnny and all.

And then they made a sequel.

4. The Karate Kid Part Two: Not Out Of The Woods Yet

Daniel’s won the competition, Kreese chokes out Johnny for daring to lose and cry, more life-lessons are given (for man without forgiveness in heart…) and Daniel and Ali break-up off-screen, confirming that TKK1 was not really about the girl after all, which, despite Daniel and Kumiko having wonderful chemistry, is also an ongoing theme. Daniel enters the screen in The Most Baby-Blue Outfit seen since Tiana’s dress in Princess and the Frog? Or that dress in Enchanted? Maybe Cinderella’s (technically silver, but later depicted as blue)? 

(Sidenote: At everyone who says Sam ought to wear a callback to that suit,  you are correct and sexy).

Surprise, Miyagi’s building him a room.

Double-surprise, Miyagi needs to go to Okinawa.

Triple surprise, Daniel reveals he’s going with him, because he’s his son dammit.

The Karate Kid Part Two is maybe the least Daniel-LaRusso-Feminine-Fairytale-Protagonist of the three, because it’s not really his movie. Daniel runs around with Kumiko (aka the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen), continues to be The Best Non-Toxic Boy a middle-aged Okinawan karate master could ask for, lands himself another Built Karate Rival (twice is just a coincidence, right? Right?), and eventually doesn’t die while wearing red again – twice: When Chozen almost strangles him to death at the Miyagi dojo and then during the final fight. The Saving Of The Girl (both the little girl in the storm and Kumiko) actually puts him in a more traditional masculine space than the previous movie did, even if the main theme of the film is about compassion and kindness and by the end, once more the boy whose masculinity is built on rockhard abs and matchsticks is on his knees. Daniel just has that power over big boys. It’s called kick/punch them in the face hard enough that they see stars.

There’s an aside to be made here about how much Daniel really is an observer in other peoples stories in this, although he is the factor that sends both Chozen and Kumiko into completely different directions in life (Chozen and Kumiko main characters when?) Anyway he comes out of it presumably okay, despite being almost killed. Maybe a few therapy sessions and he’ll get over it. Too bad Terry Silver is lurking around the corner…

5. The Karate Kid Part Three: The Big Bad Wolf

Alright people have written Words about the third movie. It’s fascinating. It’s odd. It’s eye-straining. It’s like olives – you’re either fully onboard the madness or it’s too off-putting for you (or you’re like. Eh, don’t see what all the fuss is about either way...). It’s basically a non-consensual secret BDSM relationship between a guy in his thirties (played by a Very Tall twenty-seven year old Thomas Ian Griffith) and a 17/18 year old (played by a shorter twenty-eight year old Ralph Macchio).

Also recently we got more information on Mr. Griffith’s input on the uh… vibes of the film. Apparently it wasn’t just The Sweetness of Ralph Macchio’s face, the screenplay (whatever that amounted to in the first place – release the script!), the soundtrack, the direction to not tone it down under any circumstances, the fact that Macchio categorically refused to play a romance between himself and an actress who was sixteen, no: it was also TIG coming up with fun ways to torture Daniel’s character and suggesting these to the director. Clearly everyone has fun hurting Mr Macchio (including Mr Macchio).

The point is that aaallll of that amounts to that Intense Homoerotic Dubiously-Consented-To D/s subtext that haunts the movie and gives a lot of fun stuff to play with. It’s also a film that – if we’re analysing Daniel along feminine-coded fairytale lines recontextualises his role in this universe.

The Fairytale goes topsy-turvy. Through the looking glass. Enter Big Bad Wolf stage right. Karate is a metaphor for Daniel’s bisexual awakening. 

“Oh, when will an attractive man touch me in ways that aren’t about hurting me?” he asks after two movies of being hurt by boys with rippling muscles. “Why do men continue to notice me only to hit me? Do you think wearing red is making me too noticeable? Anyway, Mr Silver looked really good in his gi today.” 

Daniel’s diary must be a trip.

[snowlily95]

Aerith in light of healthcare provider

So, I've wanted to write an analysis about Aerith in light of her medical viewpoint for quite a long time but only recently got the chance to complete it. It is well known in the game that Aerith is the healer of the story. She possesses a great MP with a limit break to heal and buff people which greatly affects your gameplay. Of course, you can equip others with Healing and Prayer materias to render them useful for healing as well. But story-wise, no one can take away Aerith's status as the healer. We know in canon that Aerith provided herbs to the Sector 5 slums doctor to create medicine. And if you finished the Corneo Stash side quest in Chapter 14, you can return to the church and see a couple of elderly sitting on the pew praying. And when you come closer to them you'll hear them talking about how they didn't see Aerith around and they're sure she's alright and probably be around healing people. You know, since the Sector 7 plate just fell. (Even though Aerith is not alright actually coz she was kidnapped by Shinra by this time) Point is, we are fed by the NPCs on how much Aerith had helped around as a healer. She had been doing this for years.

While being in denial about who she actually is, being a healer had always been implanted in her. She is used to it. When you're used to being a healer, there's a certain level when you have a different reaction compared to others. The way you think is different. Apart from that, she's also a Cetra. And we knew for a fact Cetra had a certain affinity towards souls who are returning to the Planet. Meaning, as much as she is used to healing others, she's also used to sensing death.

My whole point is that being a Cardiac Anaesthesiologist and Intensivist as I am, I can totally relate my position with Aerith, as we both have constantly helped people and encounter death on daily basis. While I'm pretty confident that the majority of these might be coincidences (because I'm pretty sure there are no doctors in the SE team), I thought the coincidences are pretty cool to ponder upon and I'm amazed at how the subtle differences between Aerith's reaction to events from other characters.

I'm gonna ignore the meta part of Aerith, mainly because I'm not discussing how much Aerith knew, and if there was anything in jeopardy of what she knew whatsoever. So we're gonna focus on the fact that she is used to healing and feeling people's death. People who are used to death on daily basis had a certain unique view on life and death. And that affects how we act upon facing them too. While this is evident throughout Remake, I'm gonna focus on the plate drop event to be more concise. I will also use Tifa as a comparison to make it easier to see the difference between the reaction of the two. Let’s start!

1) Aerith is quick in emergency situations.

When you are used to people dying, you developed a certain immunity and you are able to have a sound mind and composure at the sudden change of event. As healthcare providers, we face stable situations turning into critical real fast. And we have a switch in our minds that turns us from standby mode to rescue mode. This is exactly what happened to Aerith when Don Corneo revealed Shinra's plan to blow up Sector 7's support pillar. Tifa is part of Sector 7. It is her home. Which is why her reaction showed how she was super devastated, she slowly stood up and muttered "They wouldn't..." because she couldn't believe it. Aerith? She had that switch in her mind, and she immediately turned and say "Come on, guys! We gotta go!". She switched into that critical mode in a second. It helps that she's also not personally connected to Sector 7, and thus her judgment was not as impaired. Of course, they both switched into the critical mode in the sewer, but it was at the moment of revelation that made it different. Just like how healthcare providers switched at the moment of revelation that their patients are at the brink of death—you immediately jumped into rescue mode.

2) She plans for the worst.

Remember after they defeated Abzu and Tifa started to question Corneo's information? She didn't want to believe it, because it didn't make sense to destroy your years of efforts building the plate just to get back to a small group like AVALANCHE. Think about the money they put in to build it, they're gonna have to put them all again. In fact, along their way out of the sewer, Tifa voiced out multiple times how this had been bothering her. But I'm intrigued with Aerith's reply "If he's telling the truth, then we should go. And if it turns out he was lying, then so what?". This here is exactly what doctors do. We plan and prepare for the worst. And if the worst didn't happen, then so what? If you ever had life-saving surgery, your doctors would tell you "You need this surgery coz you might die. But if you do the surgery, there's a high chance you'll survive, but there's a small chance you'll die too". And we prepare for that small chance that our patients die. No, we don't let our preparations lacking because we hope they'll survive. We prepare for the worst outcome possible and get all the equipment ready in case they'll die. If they didn't, then so what? It doesn't mean our preparations were futile efforts. It only means we were prepared. And that line of Aerith seriously hits home to me.

3) She hopes for the best.

Before they crossed the water sewer, Tifa once again voiced out how she couldn't stop thinking about what Corneo said, and she was still hoping that he was lying. And then Aerith said, "The future isn't set in stone". (Again, I'm gonna ignore the meta part of Aerith) And then she proceeded to set up that small date with Tifa. Believe it or not, this is actually what we do during bad calls. We'd talk about what we would do after all this ends; we'd go out dining, or playing games/darts, or go drinking, or whatever it is that makes us happy. Just to keep our minds calm and to allow us to hope for the future, even if it's just a few hours away. It gives us hope and courage to go on. We plan for the worst, but we hope for the best. The more critical the situation is, the more you need to be level-headed. And needless to say, after this point onwards, Tifa is much more calmed down from her struggle to keep herself focus.

4) She follows orders.

This might sound weird to some, but the ability to cast away your worry and focus on what you can do, instead of what you should do, is important in emergency situations. You need to know what you don't know. You don't get in the way of your comrades. If you're not good at intubating, you don't insist to intubate in emergency situations just because you wanna help. Seriously, you'll just make things worse. When Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith were attacked before climbing up and out of the sewer, Cloud asked both Tifa and Aerith to keep going. Aerith immediately answers "Okay" and left—without a single but. This is significant because it shows that Aerith knew she'd be better off leaving. She doesn't need to offer help, coz her help was not needed. This is not the place where she could help. The ability to recognize this is very important for healthcare professionals. Tifa was a bit more reluctant to leave, but that's probably because she is a martial artist in-game. Also, the fact that Aerith could still joke "We're not delicious" is just so real lol! Yup, we joke sometimes when we're facing deaths—doesn't mean we lose focus in saving the dying person in front of us, don't worry. And then it happens again when they reached Sector 7 when Cloud asked them to stay with Wedge as he goes up, Aerith immediately answered "sure"—because she can "patch" Wedge up, it's where her abilities lie. This is even more accentuated when an injured Wedge argued that he can still fight when he clearly can't—making this point even more obvious. Aerith is someone with a healthcare mind, Wedge was not.

5) She supports her comrades emotionally even when she’s worried too.

When they reached the surface, they spotted a Shinra helicopter. Cloud assured them they're only on patrol. Aerith turned to Tifa and said, "Don't worry, we'll make it in time". This moment is also very iconic to me. As I mentioned, I'm an anaesthesiologist. We are the support doctors to surgeons and physicians. Those moments when we're operating on AAA surgeries and the patient is losing liters of blood and literally dying, we're pumping bloods in with our hands and get those Level 1 machines operating, and the surgeons would be panicking because it keeps bleeding? Yep, I did say it before. "We'll make it. Just concentrate on the surgery and don't worry about the bleeding", even though I'm sweating and dying here trying to keep the patient alive. But I pretended to be calm in front of my team and cheered them on. Because the whole team needs to keep calm. If one of the team loses hope, then bid your chance farewell. As an anaesthesiologist, we're almost like the anchor in the room. People look at us to know if everything's alright. I need to tell them it's alright, so they need not worry. Aerith knew Tifa is worried. And she tried to keep Tifa calm with reassurance. Even if she probably freaked out herself.

6) She doesn’t discriminate.

After they defeated the ghost at the haunted maintenance facility, Cloud tried to kill it, and Aerith didn't let him. When Cloud said that thing was dangerous, Aerith said she knows and added "but even so..." she didn't feel right about killing it. (Let's ignore the fact that the Ghoul was a lonely creature for now) It then goes to drop the train wreck which almost killed them had it not been for Cloud. Now this would have been avoided had Aerith let Cloud killed it—maybe. But here's the thing. When you're hyper-aware that people are dying left and right, you value life more. No one deserves to die, even the worst criminal in the world. You're a law-abiding citizen? You're a criminal? It doesn't make a difference to us. I know this is something super hard to comprehend. But technically only when the law subjects the criminal to the death sentence that a person should be left to die. I've been a doctor for eleven years, I was a prison doctor for two. I had the first-hand experience of dealing with criminals. It's not my job to determine whether they deserve to die or not. It's not my call whether they will turn a new leaf had they lived. I know this is something others find difficult to relate to and agree with—happens to my non-medical family and friends. The verdict to us is simple. It's a life. It's worth saving. Period. (Technically the ghosts are dead though but my point still stands)

7) She tries to her best abilities and lets go of what is out of her control.

Tifa's emotions are tampered with again when they confirmed Shinra was going to drop the plate when they overheard the Turks conversation. Her voice shook, we can literally hear it. Aerith's response was "all we can do now is keep moving". And she's right. When they reached Sector 7 and the Whispers were preventing them, she said "we have to get past whatever it takes". And later on, Tifa left to help Cloud and Barret, and Aerith agreed to get to Seventh Heaven to ensure Marlene's safety. Wedge had a short mental breakdown when he realized he was no good to anyone up or down the crime scene. And Aerith told him "We can still save a lot of lives", "That's no excuse to give up", "I need to know I did everything I could". Her encouragement helped Wedge save more people. Some argued, did she not care about the lives that already died? Now here's my point; no, we don't. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but really. What can we do for people who are already dead? Nothing. What can we do for people who are still alive? Everything. And this is the core of being a healthcare provider—we prioritize. Yes, we're also humans. We can get emotional when our own friends and relatives die. (Aerith might not be as calm had it happened at Sector 5) But when we put the healthcare provider cap on, we mean business. That is why when disasters happened, and we triage people with a black tag? That's when we know we couldn't do anything for them. We don't mourn at the black tags. We move on to the other tags instead. So that we know we already did everything in our power to help. And yes, it doesn't matter even if we lost more lives than we saved. It's worth it, even if we only saved one person out of thousands of deaths. Just like how Aerith saved Betty in Sector 7. That one life is worth it.

[whetstonefires]

I DON'T WANT TO BE TYPICAL so hmmm. han?

How I feel about this character

I...love Han, slightly against my will but also, like. He's a fun guy.

I think he got new backstory in his own movie that no one cares about except Donald Glover played Lando??? But I'm always going to be here for the Han who burned his Imperial pilot career (that can't have been super easy to achieve as an orphan) to save a seven-foot-tall minority dude who was getting abused by the government.

The fact that Chewie stuck with him afterward--like, there's the formal debt thing? But I've always felt like there was very much also the part where Chewbacca looked at this baby pilot who'd just thrown away the entire edifice of his own survival in a hostile galaxy for his sake, and felt that on a personal level there was no way he could let the natural consequences of that decision catch up. That he could not live with himself if he did that any more than Han could have lived with not saving him.

I have so many feelings about that! That Han is both the kind of person who is actually worth caring about and believing in even though he doesn't think so, and someone who when we meet him has been living most of his adult life with the heavy constant consequence of what it cost him to make the heroic choice just once.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Uh...just Leia, really? If I don't have a problem with a canon ship I don't tend to mess with it. He can have history with Lando, that's sometimes charming, but I think I like it a little better if he doesn't so I probably can't say I ship that.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Uh......based on my rant above, gotta be Chewie actually. I like his friendships with Luke and Lando a lot but the one with Chewie has been pivotal to his whole life so constantly for so long and it is incredibly neglected, both officially and on the fan side. Has it been seriously explored anywhere outside the hated Christmas special.

...to what extent is Chewie's general neglect a result of Christmas Special Radiation rather than the fact that the character doesn't speak English or look human? Not a lot I think, but maybe a bit.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I have no sense of what the popular opinions about Han are. Han takes are so all over the map.

I think Han can probably cook. Like it's not fancy and it's not even pretty, but it's safe and as wholesome as you get when fresh veggies aren't cheap, and it tastes decent. He probably experiments in the kitchen a lot but in the same unscientific way he mods his ship.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Uh well you see I'm kind of detached from What Happened In Canon after the OT at this point but I think a cool direction to go with Han is he keeps trying things.

Because, see, Han doesn't know how to be chill. Han has been in survival mode almost his whole life, but for much of it he's been pretty good at being constantly one step ahead of the reaper, you know? He's always in danger but he's rarely helpless and his whole thing is the hustle to maintain that margin, he's got to move move move.

But Han is not going to be useful or happy in a political context. He can't contribute meaningfully to most of Leia's Republic-constructing work post-trilogy, and he's not under any direct personal survival crunch anymore. So like, I feel like he'd go through phases--he'd involve himself in the military/security end of things because hey he has rank and he's not bad at it, and it works well with his stimulus-seeking high baseline arousal and it's important.

But as things stabilized, which I insist they would in my canon, security work would get more boring and routine and the interesting bits would get less compatible with spending time with Leia, and he'd increasingly be choosing between 'desk work' and 'being told what to do,' so he'd pull out of that.

And this would put him into a cycle of not finding personal fulfillment in whatever he was focusing on, because he's used to having a sense that even his objectively stupid and banal activities are Very Important because his life was routinely on the line and in comparison a more normal routine feels Pointless.

Eventually I think he'd be a pretty heavily involved parent, but before that and after the kids were old enough not to need full-time attention, Han would go through these intense phases trying balance access to the domesticity he does actually want and his needs to not 'be bored' or 'feel useless.'

Honestly there are similarities to what Anakin would go through if he'd left the Order to be Padme's husband after the war, because they do have some significant points of commonality, but Han is a very different, much more stable person with a lot better-developed sense of agency so there would be a lot of 'storming off at a high point of personal frustration to take random cargo jobs in the Falcon for three months and then having to call Leia about the huge drug-smuggling operation that he stumbled ass-first into' but probably no actual breakdowns.