#it's rare that i can look at my art and feel like i'm. legit getting better as i draw

[starleska]

Hey I saw your fainting request and thought it looked great....I have a request of my own...

Can...you do wally x reader who is autistic? Like gets distracted and/or hyperfixated on things easily, does stims like arm flapping as an example, and other stuff?

Just love wally from welcome home ever since I randomly stumbled upon welcome home! I wish they would 'find tapes of the show' so we could legit watch the episodes and stuff! Imagine the glitches and tibits they could add in! Oh I'd love it! And I adore the puppets and this adorable horror so much!

oh hell yeah, this is the ask i was waiting for!!! 🔥🔥🔥 of course i can fill out this prompt for you darling - i'm autistic myself, and it's my headcanon that every single member of the Welcome Home cast is some shade of neurodivergent 🥰💖 the lovely official arm-flapping art of both Julie and Frank is all the evidence i need!! plus, Wally sleeping on a cake...i'm choosing to believe he's a big fan of that kind of texture 😂💖 speaking of!...

Wally Darling x Autistic Reader headcanons

⭐ when you first tell Wally you're autistic, he doesn't quite grasp the concept. he nods when you give the clinical definition, but it's clear he doesn't understand why you're making the distinction. however, when you first describe your special interests, Wally's eyes light up! he grabs a pencil and his sketchbook, and quickly scrawls a crude picture of your mutual neighbour Frank, along with a host of pretty butterflies. then, right by his side Wally doodles himself, surrounded by floating apples. "It's good to be excited by things," says Wally, with all the sage wisdom of a tenured professor. ever distracted, he flips to a new page and carefully (his tongue sticks out during the process!) renders you in pencil. then, he fills in the blank space with pretty, stylised doodles of all your most beloved interests - even the obscure ones which are not easily communicated in picture form 💖 from that moment on, you know you and Wally are kindred spirits. ⭐ stimming is something Wally does regularly, and he loves it when you stim too!! Wally's most prominent stim is singing - he's constantly humming a tune or thoughtlessly mumbling lyrics to himself, sometimes from known songs, and sometimes from original compositions. Wally is also prone to pacing and threading his fingers together when he's nervous or stressed: a rare occurrence, as his outward persona is typically bright and relaxed. however, Wally never wants his pals to feel left out: if his friends are stimming, he'll quite happily mirror the movements!! Julie adores it when Wally flaps along with her, and although Frank will never admit it, he appreciates when Wally sits on the floor and rocks with him. whichever stims you prefer, he's always delighted to be a part of what helps you navigate the world and make your body and brain feel better 🥰 ⭐ Wally loves to give you deep-pressure hugs. your new neighbourhood is a kind and accepting place, but even you can become overwhelmed by its sweet, rainbow brightness. you don't know why, but one particularly hypersensitive day, you begin to approach a meltdown and have nowhere to escape. without a word, Wally slips his soft, fuzzy arms around your waist and pulls you into his chest, face-first. his strength is astonishing, and although you have an initial moment of panic, all that tension and terror starts to slip away as you inhale his unique fruit-felt scent. Wally hums to you as he holds you - and keeps you in his arms until you feel relaxed enough to slip out of your own accord 🥺 i hope this is what you were looking for, anon :3c i know we all have our unique experiences as autistic people, but i hope this was broad enough and relevant to you. have a great day 😊💖

[toxictoad]

HADES 2 GODS RANKED BY HOW MUCH I WANT TO KISS THEM

(and also gameplay)

DISCLAIMER: I don’t think any of the gods are bad. I’m ranking them in comparison to each other. Even the worst boon in the game is still good, and obviously all the art is great.

Also I'm writing this in EA patch 4.

Aphrodite–

I mean she’s obviously hot– she’s THE goddess of beauty, but Hades 2 is an absolute improvement. This isn’t just Aphrodite, this is Aphrodite Areia. Kick ass, honey I love you so much. You don’t need clothes to fight a war. She’s so salty I want her to step on me.

Her boons are pretty good. Decent damage and her duo boons are nice. Heartthrobs are BROKEN and I do builds with them as often as I can. Meshes well with other gods. Love Handles is my favorite duo boon in the game.

Please kiss me 9/10 times Gameplay 10/10

Apollo–

He’s a pretty boy, but his prep vibes bring him down a bit. He’s funny though and I love all his interactions with other gods.

Good boons. I don’t usually take his core stuff unless I have the Sister Blades, but having a larger area of damage is nice. I like his sprint boon. Sunny Disposition is great if you’re doing a Heartthrob build. Generally he’s good but there are better core boons.

Please kiss me 5/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Artemis–

Goddess of lesbians. Not wlw but I believe in their beliefs you know. The bear pelt and all the antlers are SERVING. She’s like if one of those hunter dudes on tinder was actually hot. I love her but also I’m a man so I feel like she should be with someone else.

She’s not a core god so her boons are a little hard to judge. Critical damage is always nice, and running into her is always better for a run. All her offerings are good, although Pressure Points is better with the Sister Blades or the Witch’s Staff. I’m just gonna rank her compared to the other ‘lesser’ offerings in the game, not compared to the regular boons because she only appears once per run.

Please kiss me 7/10 times (But like platonically) Gameplay 10/10

Demeter–

Gilf. Don’t @ me you know it’s true. I’m a little disappointed that they made her look younger for Hades 2 but I guess it makes sense lore wise. Old lady in armor is peak art. I love her, I adore her, and her design is magnificent. Mwah.

Her boons are good. Freeze is a great effect especially for getting used to the game. Not as effective with the Umbral Flames or Sister blades, but they’re great with the Moonstone Axe and Witch’s Staff. Rare Crop is only good early and Plentiful Forage is objectively kinda bad but I take it every time.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 8/10

Hephaestus–

Spoilers: He’s the hottest male Olympian. I LOVE him. Please hold me in your arms my stupid little bisexual heart needs to be cuddled by a sweaty blacksmith. HOW could Aphrodite cheat on this man? He's perfect. Also legit the funniest god.

His boons are a little hit or miss. When they’re common they aren’t great but they stack pretty well. His magic gain boon is probably the worst out of all of them, but Mint Condition and Uncanny Fortitude are hands down my favorite boons, and like I said: Love Handles is my absolute favorite duo boon.

Please kiss me 10/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Hera–

My QUEEN. I love her. Please leave your husband. I would treat you so much better. She’s elegant, she’s powerful, she’s HERA. Josette Eales voices her and does an IMMACULATE job. I want Hera to call me a good boy please please please.

Her boons are alright. Hitch is a good effect if you can apply it in a large area but it’s not great against Guardians. In the most recent patch they changed her cast and I think it’s a little worse. She has alright duo boons, and Queen’s Ransom is funny and also can be pretty op if you have Hera as some of your main boons.

Please kiss me 10/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Hermes–

ADHD TWINK. He’s my homeboy and I vibe with him hard. Longer hair suits him and I wanna take him on a date to an aquarium. So pretty. I hope he can see his husband Charon again soon.

Speed boons are always cool. Dodge chance is invaluable if you have shit reaction times like I do. Nimble Mind is his only boon I don’t like because it just doesn’t feel very effective. Nimble Limbs is awesome for the Moonstone Axe, and Quick Buck is one of my most chosen boons. Ultimately good but his boons can feel a little ineffective when they’re common.

Please kiss me 7/10 times Gameplay 9/10

Hestia–

Not a gilf but I do love her. She’s sassy and ruthless and I love her design so much. I want to sit in the thicc auntie’s lap please. Super hot punk old lady.

Scorch is a great effect. Her attack and special boons are awesone and her cast is good. Getting Flame Strike, Ice Flourish from Demeter, and then their Freezer Burn duo boon is how I beat Chronos the first time. The rest of her duos are fine but not amazing.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 9/10

Poseidon–

He’s definitely hotter than in the first game, just not my type. He’s very funny in an annoying kind of way (Side note: I REALLY want him and Odysseus to learn about each other. Their beef would be SO funny)

His core boons feel less powerful than in the first game. Double Up and Hydraulic Might are the only boons of his I take consistently. Damage isn’t terrible but not the best. His duo boons are generally pretty good though. Island Getaway is nice when you can get it.

Please kiss me 3/10 times Gameplay 5/10

Selene–

Ethereal moon mommy. I love her. Would probably be terrifying to approach in any capacity but she’s just SO pretty.

It’s a little weird to rank her since hexes are the replacement for Olympian aid in the first game, but generally they’re all pretty good. Wolf Howl is my favorite. I never take Twilight Curse or Dark Side, but that might just be because I don’t understand them.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Zeus–

No.

His boons also seem a little weaker than the first game, but chain lightning is a fun effect when you get it pumped up a bit. Blitz is a kinda weak effect but if you can get Toasting Fork on them they’re good. His legendary boon and duo boons are both a little meh.

Please kiss me -100/10 times. Leave me alone. Gameplay 4/10

This was fun. I'm probably gonna do this again with other characters lol.

[z0urcherri]

Not really a full review but just the thoughts at the forefront of my mind If they'd of just cut some horror references (Shining elevator especially) down into shorter scenes (it'd also work as an unobtrusive background element) AND made it easier to tell apart future and past characters that happen to be in the same scene together, this film would honestly be damn near perfect. It was still an enjoyable experience, though. Alot of scenes genuinely come close to freaking me out, like the respawn terminal failure. Having a fully voice acted cast and some custom models was a treat, i just don't see why some were custom and some were just Scout with a mustache slapped on. Plus, in the funeral scene, it's too noticeable how detailed Redmond and Blutarch are compared to everyone else in the room. I joked at one point that they blew the character budget on those two and couldn't afford to detail everyone else. The voice direction also felt lacking, with certain actors (excluding Scout's and Soldier's bc DAMN i actually asked a couple times if they got Rick, posthumously, and Nathan to do the voice work) focusing more on sounding as much as they could like the original mercs than the actual performance. Mind you i'm not saying they did a BAD job, they did after all do a fantastic job with the emotional line deliveries. Usually, you would complain about the cartoony art style of TF2 clashing with someone's high-end attempt to make the shots photorealistic or so, but since Fortress Films went to all the trouble of touching up everything with grit and keeping it consistent throughout scenes, it honestly works well even if non-TF2 models end up being used. The contrast actually fits. The plot...honestly, again, this is where i wish certain horror tropes got cut way down. Did we really need a whole scene of zombie mercs doing stereotypical zombie things? I don't even think it added anything to the plot, it just happened and was pretty easy to forget right after they're all killed. It's just how it never gets referenced again once it's over. I'm...also not really a fan of the shoehorned Christian imagery around the end. It's basically another trope and again it added pretty much nothing. It's also fun trying to figure out who can and can't actually die. This, ironically, might be the only thing from the zombie scene worth any salt, if the implication is RED mercs zombify after some time while BLU just infinitely respawns (Jules wouldn't be dead and therefore would not need saving if this were the case, which is inch resting) The attention to detail otherwise is fantastic. I keep finding parallels i didn't catch the first time. Along with shots that are legit drop-dead GORGEOUS, or even cutting-edge as far as cinematography goes and are incredibly rare to see in other SFM animations, the mo-cap is some of the best i've seen. It's rough sometimes and makes for some funny facial expressions, but when it works it WORKS. The theatrical feel is just...unmatched. You almost wonder if Valve themselves produced this because of how good the scenes look. I was also really impressed with the sound design, and also the fire and water effects, prominent throughout the film. Obviously, i think the film was really, really good, it's just that some parts feel like this project started as a shitpost animation, before getting stitched together with the parts where the team decided "no, we need to put actual effort into this". I also don't understand why, if the soundtrack is an original composition, the artist couldn't be credited anywhere. Anyway, go see Emesis Blue and come back with your own thoughts.

[myherobirdbros]

BNHA Chapter 403: Review by Birdbros

First let me just say that baby Toshinori is so cute I can't breathe. Now, to the actual review. I love that his childhood was good and beautiful. That he didn't grow up in tragedy and had a loving mother and potentially the reason why he's so invested in being a hero. Because she didn't discourage him and instead fostered his dream so he could be proud of who'd he become one day. Also may I just say that this entire All Might arc has been giving. It has given so much and I've loved every second off it because honestly some people needed to be reminded why this man was the number 1 hero. Still though, just the thought of his mother dying and All Might having to take on the world and fix it without here breaks me in a way I can't fully explain.

Yeah no, nop, no. I won't let you do this. He's not gonna die. Not All Might. Not after everything. I refuse to accept it. He has so many other steps to take Okay! Stop it. What do you mean and end of an era?! AFO you absolute fucking clown, do not hurt him! I mean it!!!!!!!

Damn..... he really cut off Toshinori's backstory just like that. Wtf man. We rarely get this man reflecting about himself and you had to go and do that!!!! The fuck is wrong with you!!!!! I hope you die a painful death AFO it's all you deserve you piece of shit......I'm getting way too emotional *sigh* Okay, let's try and be more logical here. Now that All Might hasn't been able to use Bakugou's quirk it means Bakugou might come back right? My boy might finally come back and save him, right? Right?! I mean it makes so much sense. Feels like the story has been building up to this. Midoriya fighting to win and Bakugou fighting to rescue. Like a reverse role. Please please Hirokoshi. You can't have taken Edgeshot from me and Katsuki too. You can't T_T Don't Nobara me man, please. Also once again, fuck you AFO your arrogance will def be the end of you. Toshinori won't die a hero because HE WON'T DIE AT ALL!

Thanks a lot Stain. Seriously thanks man. You could not have done anything but lose your quirk to this man (turns out I lowkey hate Stain *sigh*). Ugh, I know it's not really your fault and you sort of tries to save my man a little while ago but fuck, did you have to lose your quirk to this loser too?! I'm already mouring Hawks damn it. I can't do this anymore. Look at Toshinori's face T_T No one should ever make him look this hopeless, ever. This shit is illegal. Also, imagine loving killing someone so much you literally tear your mouth wide open joker style, the fuck AFO, the actual fuck? My dude you really need to sit down and finish that ancient comic book of yours because this aint it fam. This really aint it. You're so villain it's not even funny anymore.

Shoutout to Tobita (my absolute favorite villain - he makes me so soft protect him at all cost) and star's crew who just like me would have hesitated to fire at All Might. I love you all and I hope when Bakugou comes back he beats the shit out of AFO for you. (Horikoshi do not make a liar out of me). Also psycho eyes AFO. Once again this man does not fail to creep me out. Die!

Is he... is he planning to tear All Might in two? Is he really about to do this?! WTF WTF WTF STOOOOOOP. I can't do this. My sanity cannot handle this. Someone stop him! Fuck Midoriya crying is breaking my soul. This is not okay. I'm not okay. Shigaraki you bitch stop laughing! Everyone just stop. This can't be happening T_T This is so grusome I'm legit tearing up. And Midoriya's eyes is killing me. This is so wrong so so wrong. Someone please please please.

I...... Oh my God..... my baby. My baby. He's back!!!! He's back yall. I..... Katsuki..... oh sweetheart T_T

I'm so emotional I legit walked away from my screen to take a break from this rollarcoaster. Thank you thank you thank you Hirokoshi! Thank you!!!! Also can we take a second to appreciate the beautiful art people. U.I exploding, Midoriya's tears blowing in the same direction. The light that shines on that tiny figure on top of U.A and then that zoom in on Bakugou's weathered figure. It's all so *chef's kiss* beautiful. I'm in love. And def will print this panel out and hang it on my room because my baby is back!!!!!!!

I take that back. I'm hanging this up. Me and Best Jeanist sobbing over this right now. Our baby is alive!!!!!!! But look at him, he's so tired and haggered and back from the dead. He deserves a nap, not to fight a psycho who can't just quietly go into ground and never come back. Also theory: now that Bakugou has essentially come back from the dead, might his quirk have evolved to the extreme edge like we've seen for many before him such as Touya and Uraraka? And since Katsuki literally died maybe his evolved even more? My biggest hope. Beat his ass Katsuki. Make him regret that he was ever born.

Not a bakudeku shipper but I'm 100% a bakudeku friendship apologist so this, seeing Midoriya look up, tears flooding from his eyes because he's so fucking terrified he'll lose his mentor just like he lost his childhood friend only to then look up and see Bakugou is doing something to me I cannot explain. And Katsuki.... Katsuki with the ancient All Might card he's still holding onto for dear life. Katsuki remembering their baby selves. Katsuki being so out of it but standing up to fight for All Might like All Might stood up to fight for him at Kamino..... *sobs hysterically in a corner* Also the symbolism of All Might always having looked back at his past because all the steps felt so important just to now look forward because the steps his kids are gonna take are the important thing for him now..... yeah I'm not okay.

This is truly the beginning of a new era huh. Bakugou and Midoriya, carrying on All Might's dreams and hopes..... Hirokoshi you bastard. How can you do this to me. WTF MAN WTF!!!!!! And look at Katsuki's eyes. The explosion within them. It's so beautiful. I love it so much. And now him and Izuku's feelings are one; they'll save All Might and redefine hero society.

*stands up and applauds like crazy* There has been several misses for me in this manga but moments like this is why I'm happy I never gave up on it.

Welcome back Katsuki darling. Welcome back, it's been too long.

[likegemstone]

I have been in a really good groove with creating lately, and just with like "working" in general. In the past, creating has often involved a massive and constant mental wrestling match against myself—second guessing every decision, fighting through constant discouragement, rarely if ever feeling confident in what I'm working on, etc. Just all this emotional/mental exertion on top of the regular emotional/mental exertion that goes into making art.

But lately I have felt really in sync with myself—we're dancing instead of wrestling. I've been brave enough to try out new things that I've never done before (which is REALLY hard for me, like REALLY hard), and been able to notice and accept the areas of my work that I can see need improvement without beating myself up bc they aren't "good enough" yet. It has been really nice, and has shown me that, when I can care for and take responsibility for myself properly (which I now have the skills and tools to do thanks to a lot of inner work and also therapy), I can learn, grow, and improve pretty steadily, and without all the agony of that fucking exhausting wrestling match.

However.

I made a post recently about how I want to draw Daivad getting his ass kicked (and also kicking ass), right? That is in great part due to the fact that I was, at the time, rereading Kengan Asura/Kengan Omega (which is an MMA manga) and I was Very Inspired. And I still am. I've been gathering reference and inspo ever since then. And today I ran out of Haikyuu!! to watch so I was like okay now is the time—I want to draw some sick action scenes with Daivad.

But then. Here comes the anxiety. The overwhelm. The "there's no way you can pull off some sick action scenes—you can barely place characters in a scene and make it look legit, you want to try to do multiple characters interacting in a scene in extreme and dynamic poses?? no shot. and once you try and inevitably fail then you're going to be discouraged and start beating yourself up again and you'll ruin this momentum we've got going on."

So, this post is going to be me using those tools and skills I have now to work through this. Because I know I can. I've done it before.

First skill I'm going to be using: recognizing what exactly is triggering this anxiety, and figuring out a plan to care for the Part of me that's triggered. I want to ensure I'm making my decisions from Core, not from a triggered Part, and I also want to ensure I'm caring for those vulnerable Parts!

I think the thing that is making me feel so anxious and overwhelmed is because dynamic action scenes are so far out of my comfort zone and I haven't come up with a plan for connecting the dots of my current skill to Dynamic Action Scene Skill. It's a whole big leap, and that Part of me sees aaaaalllll of those, like dozens of really tricky dots that I have not mastered yet (perspective, composition, conveying movement, dynamic poses IN perspective, and so on) and is like "!!!!! HOLD UP THAT'S TOO MUCH I CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT ALL AT ONCE. Trying to master all that stuff will take literal years and probably good money to pay for lessons from people who know wtf they're doing!!"

So, I'll care for that Part by saying: That's true! And it's okay! I'm not going to try to get the perfect action scene down right away, because you're right. Trying to force that would absolutely wreck our confidence and be really frustrating as well. And I appreciate the reminder that biting off more than I can chew can knock me back a few steps. Small bites are best sometimes.

Next skill, now that that Part has calmed down a lot and also feels steadied: coming up with a plan. I want to draw Daivad getting his ass kicked, but don't currently have the skills to pull off a whole Dynamic Action Scene yet. So how am I going to meet that desire/feed my inspiration (Daivad getting his ass kicked) while still protecting my Parts, challenging my skills, and caring for my mental health?

One dot at a time.

I could start with just breaking down some of my favorite panels from KA. Examining how Daromeon frames his scenes, how he works with perspective, how he conveys movement, etc. But specifically I want to see Daivad getting his ass kicked—so maybe I'll start with just one pose that feels doable for my skill level, use KA as reference for the pose and put Daivad in it, and since I have gotten decent at capturing his likeness, I can challenge myself to put an extreme expression on his face and still have him be recognizable. That's totally doable—it'll take time and work and lots of effort, but it's doable! And it will bring me one step closer to Dynamic Action Scene skill level!

Alright, now I'm feeling excited and fired up and also I have an exact pose in mind and I think I already have it saved somewhere, so I am off to draw Daivad, Bloody and In Pain. Wish me luck y'all!

[shiroxix]

hi how are you doing. soft. 4 12 13 14 16 :) 29

I'm doing decently. Not feeling well, but entertained and happy at least! What flower would you like to be given? Honestly any. I genuinely really like flowers. And I can give them to Jay to take care of/keep alive. Hibiscus, hyacinths, chrysanthemums, tulips, and any pale/yellow/pink rose varieties are my favorites, though. How are you? Good, actually. Slowly starting to figure things out for my health, which is making each day a little easier. What is your comfort food? God I have so many. Food is my comfort, honestly. Potatoes in pretty much any form (though I like fries, those spiralized chips, and mashed potatoes best), pot roast, pineapple, and grilled zucchini. I can pretty much always eat fries, though... they're usually what I gravitate toward when I need something to calm me down. Favorite feel-good show? You know, I am really not a TV person at all. I don't tend to re-watch things either. I'm really enjoying Dungeon Meshi right now, though. I'm more of a Let's Play enjoyer ahaha. I watch a lot of Hermitcraft, Game Grumps, and Pointcrow lately. Game Grumps playing Zelda or Sonic is usually where I gravitate if I need to unwind. I also adore every single playlist of Dan playing his childhood games solo.

Compliment the person who sent you this number-- You bastard! lmao just kidding. You legit have one of the most enjoyable sense of humor of anyone I know and I love how like... effortless and breezy your art looks. You make art look like fun again. And you're really fucking funny. Morning, Afternoon, or Night? It honestly depends on the day. I really like my mornings during the week where I wake up and slowly get started. I love the afternoons when Jay gets home and we just hang out in the living room chatting, and I super adore the rare nights where I get to stay up until 1 AM playing video games with my friends.

[chipped-chimera]

Thought I'd do a little bit of a personal update! I'm doing the reorganising thing which is still slow but really motivating - enough that I'm having good energy days where I'm getting more done! I should be able to start work on the new fish tank soon!

More commentary/thoughts/where I'm going creatively below the cut. (It might be a bit heavy, you've been warned - check tags for more info)

EDIT: Fixed Tumblr borking this, now looks like how this WAS SUPPOSED TO oof

So I'm in the process of redoing my entire office just to fit this fish thank (which has now been leak tested so we're good to go), as well as reorganising based on tips I picked up from this book for people with ADHD that I've found massively helpful. Honestly it's been great for helping me just THROW SHIT OUT because while I can have my moments of ruthless detachment and clear inventory my family is very much a 'use/reuse/reappropriate' kind of deal, which while great often gives me hesitation throwing stuff out primarily because of that pressure - especially when I'm stuck living with them. Now I know it's necessary to get everything to a state where it will STAY organised.

It's also let me take inventory of the stupid amount of traditional media art supplies which have been sitting there since high school in near pristine unused condition (we are talking a LOT of very useable acrylic paints here) and get them all organised. After chatting with my psychologist yesterday I've bought more/replacements for things I had to throw out (literally dry as a bone markers) as she literally said she 'very much encouraged' my idea of starting a visual art diary to help process emotions and stuff.

I know over the years my inspiration to do stuff has withered, usually because it's been hammered by bad moods (caused primarily by external forces I could not control on top of my already battered neurology). I know now because of shit in my past that has been largely unresolved, art has never been an outlet for emotions for me because I'm so afraid of taking up space. Despite emotions being a powerful source for art, I rarely draw on them both because I have spent so much time trying not to feel them or hiding them because unfortunately my history is one of a lot of rejection, right down to a very young age where my caregivers should have been way more on the ball. It's helped me acknowledge my way of expressing love and affection is kind of fucked - when I feel close to someone or like them a lot it has the opposite effect where I instinctively want to pull away from them because I'm scared I'm going to 'ruin it', like my life is tainted and by associating with them I'll drag them down somehow. I know it's silly but it's very hard to get past because it's automatic - that was the only way I was guarenteed to get affection, if I was the most borin, biddable, palatable child in existence who caused no problems, even if it meant enduring physical and emotional pain alone. I inherently find it hard to trust people being genuine about liking me as a person because I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop when they realise I'm too much hassle - which unfortunately was the circumstance my relationship ended around so yeah, that did not fucking help. Basically I go from being really comfortable around someone to masking intensely and yeah that is NOT GOOD. I also legit feel the reason I have alexytheimia is because I had to develop a buffer so early in my life just to survive as far as I have.

I'm hoping art journalling will help me process some of those thoughts and feelings and I still want to try and show them, just to show myself they DO have value, they are a valid part of the human experience and they should be allowed to take up space - I do not need to hide them away or cut pieces of myself out to become more 'palateable' to people. So yeah um, I guess there will be some vent art, I don't know if I'll post only to my art blog or here because it's more sketchy shit and I reserve the art blog for finished pieces now ... either way knowing me it's going to be highly metaphorical and symbolic so I don't know how 'triggering' it could be but either way I'll probably tag the absolute shit out of it just to make sure I don't adversely effect someone (yes I am aware of the irony in me saying that as it's basically me trying to 'not ruin' things again but even putting it out there at all is a big enough step - also tags are just basic decency).

So uh ... That's what I've been up to? Also why I've been kind of shit about WIP Wednesday tagging and responding to other tag games (which I am now once again remembering a bunch of that I STILL have sitting in my motifs cause I still wanna do them ; m ;) I think I tend to get something like reverse SAD this time of year, arguably for the same reasons SAD develops - it gets so damn hot that I have the curtains closed in my office (which has the biggest window in the house) all day to keep the heat out. So arguably I have just made 'tiny dark winter' for about two months because I ain't going outside when it's over 30C (aka the temp tomorrow. And the day after THAT. Fuck I hate summer). Just instead of dark and cold it's dark and sweaty - feeling clammy also being a sensory problem for me so all around BAD TIME until the season changes :/

Outside of all that I'm speculating writing a wlw romance in a western setting because I have had on off cowboy rot since forever and I should probably do something with that already. Currently speculative Native American love interest/secondary protagonist with a background that probably touches on maybe the boarding schools and then reconnection with culture. We've had similar stories with our indigenous population in Australia unfortunately (colonialism is a plague) so I can sort of have some understanding but I probably need to hit the books on that one. For any Americans/Canadians reading this if you know some good books, PLEASE send me your references, I really want to make sure I do this right. I reblogged a post a few days ago about how Native Americans are often dehumanised in westerns and they just become part of the landscape, and I really want to push against that. Also do some contrasting against how oppressive western colonial era culture was by comparison to native culture honestly because I feel that would be a really interesting dynamic. Idk when/if stuff with this project will start happening but we'll see.

If you read this far, thanks! It's pretty validating to know people care this much, since it's hard for me to believe people do care a lot of the time because of all the above bullshit. So just so you know, I love you guys 💖 and you get a bonus cat:

Tiny p.s. living with my parents now is very different from when I was a child, I know the people who caused me hurt are long, long gone. They are not the same people anymore - so I am okay! It's still frustrating but more for the reasons of wishing I had my own (bigger) space to live in and put all my stuff and just 'I am a 30 year old extremely supressed lesbian speed running puberty and this environment is not conducive to exploring that' if anything. While I'm out with my Mum I can't like ... talk about that shit lol. So yeah, frustrating but for entirely different reasons. Just clearing that up.

[openly-journaling]

Wrath: Friday January 20th 2023

Was in the middle of working on a mini animation and our last nib broke and we move in a little over a week now provided the weather is good. Kind of late to order more so now we won't be able to draw for two weeks unless we desperately pull out our old tablet and learn to redraw on that thing.

I'm sobbing dying inside because we finally got off block and got our creativity back after nearly an entire year it feels like. Like we really got back into it.

I never really realized how much of a coping mechanism art was until we fell out of after healing from a lot of our trauma and now are dividing back into it since we're we're staying in the town that legitimately gave us all our worst traumas. And then of course the creativity came back.

Does make me wonder if we ever get comfortable enough if we'll ever even somewhat give drawing up. I say somewhat because we do want to try architecture but at the same time I have a feeling there a couple people down south that may very well resurface a lot of trauma for us. Which, while we don't exactly want and definitely try to avoid, it's good for our art.

So maybe our trauma isn't all bad.

But I've also come to this realization that a lot of artists really hate their art and their art style. Which is odd to us because we've been in that same boat but not to such severity. If we make a mistake we hate specifically that mistake but let it be to learn from it in the future. I think the early gentle parenting growing up that our dad gave us before foster care shattered us helped shape our confidence early on. So we don't struggle quite as much. We rarely compare our art to others and when we do it's more of an obsession over their art that we try to even semi copy that art style or implement it into our own.

Perhaps the worst hate we put on our art is when something just isn't working perspective wise or the lineart isn't working. I suppose we have worked to be perfect but perfect to us. Which was almost always good enough.

The way the whole class would stand over our shoulder in amazement and watch us draw gave us a confidence too. It made us feel good and adored. Considering we didn't get a ton of attention growing up.

It became less and less impressive to people as we got older but there are still some people that absolutely go wild for our art. We've finally found a comfortable community that loves it! The furry community has been very kind to our art.

I think our problem for so long was trying to draw furry art in front of people that decided dogs having head hair must mean that's a horse despite the different nose and sharp teeth. That was annoying. Completely different face shapes. We drew animals in front of people that preferred human art.

Which, while we still enjoy doing sometimes, we are still heavily learning and even come to learn more how much happier furry art brings us. So.. we'll stick with what we love most, what we're good at whether people like it or don't. And eventually we'll find our crowd.

I'm just glad we don't have a huge lack of confidence in our skill of art. We can look back at the oldest shit and wonder how people thought that was good. And it makes us realize that we have come a very very long way. We're proud of ourselves. Really.

Next we're going to attempt to work on more perspectives. Like this piece I'm so damn proud of. Our first drawing where we're really trying a different perspective.

No actually, that's the second one. Now that I think of it, this is our first. Unfortunately so many people want to call it inappropriate though and it never hit off. Like I'm sorry that people legit have asses? I'm sorry for drawing it right? She fell that's the whole point of this piece was just to get a literal difference in perspective. It's not like I'm exposing her or giving you a full on ass shot in the face. My god. And that was before a signature change as you can see

Anyway. We've come a very long way since then and I'm just happy with all of it. Satisfied that we can do so well.

I guess I do sometimes wish our art style wasn't so set as it is because there are definitely artists that have art styles we're jealous of. But to be fair, if we all had the same style... I think art would get pretty boring. So.. I'm glad I have a recognized art style of my own.

It does change depending on the headmate but not always. I'm not arguing with that. Hell most of our headmates can't draw at all! I'm glad to be one that can.

[theabominableblogger]

All right, this is gonna be a long one... 1, 5, 10, 14, 15, 20, 25, 30, 32, and 37 for the CR questions.

Legit the first words out of my mouth were "oh Jesus!"

Here we go! CR time bay-beee! I've only been in the fandom for about a year and a half but I'm raring to go!

1- Character you don’t particularly like, but will defend vehemently when people dislike them for the wrong reasons.

Starting things off with a bang (hehe), I'm gonna go with Scanlan. A lot of people overlook him as the archetypal horny bard, which is the point of the character. His growth is subtle and doesn't really become extremely noticeable until he leaves in "A Bard's Lament." He's saved Vox Machina's butt on countless occasions and yet the team still kinda pushes him aside. They touched on this a little bit too in the first season of TLOVM with this little teases of foreshadowing and shots of him looking disappointed and I thought that was really cool. Also the clutch counterspell at 8th Lvl against Vecna is just *chef's kiss*

5- Meta you would write if you did not fear people would be SUPER weird about it. This is also an invitation to write that meta and block the haters.

I feel like a bunch of meta I've thought about has already been talked about. I've seen a bunch of phenomenal posts by many Critters on this site, including @captainofthetidesbreath and it's very intriguing and sometimes refreshing to get different perspectives on things that happen. One of my favorites I've read was a breakdown on the infamous Trent dinner scene in C2 which IMO is VERY reminiscent of the dinner sequence in Curse of Strahd. Matt defintely takes elements from well known DnD campaigns and salt bae sprinkles them into Exandria.

10- Favorite and least favorite Matt Mercer Original Subclass.

Super easy. Favorite is the Blighted Druid from Taldorei Reborn mainly because of its AoE in higher levels and addition to AC. Least favorite is the Blood Magic Wizard because as a piddly widdle wizard, your hit die is A D6. And you want your wizard to WILLINGLY cause damage to themselves?!? Hard pass.

14- Describe the art you would most like to create or commission if talent/money were no object.

God, there's so many things I wanna create. Right now I'm working on the Callowmoore supercut (which sits right now at about 35 min) and a few attempts at animatics here and there. The main two animatics I wanna try my hand at are Fearne and Ashton's fireside chat in C3 and Capeleb in C2.

Cosplay is also a thing I wanna get more into. I did a few CR casual cosplays this year (Imogen and Vax) for a ren faire and GenCon and I was so surprised by everyone's compliments on them.

15- Favorite one-on-one conversation (can be between two PCs, or a PC and NPC).

Oh God. So far Fjord and Essek's conversation after Molly's failed return made me bawl like a baby and so did Orym telling Will he couldn't stay in C3. Also for the Mighty Nein Reunited, Essek stopping by. 10/10 will die happily.

20. What non-D&D TTRPG would you most like to see Critical Role run a one shot in?

Arkham Horror would be pretty cool, I'm not gonna lie. Or Dresden Files. Or Balikbayan: Returning Home

25. What class do you most want to see Matt play if he is in a future EXU campaign as a new (not Dariax) PC?

Matt sure does love his spellcasters so let's mix it up. I wanna see him as an absolute madman of a paladin.

30. What is your favorite theory or headcanon that has absolutely no bearing on the plot and isn’t important at all, but which is completely compliant with canon?

I still think Caleb and Essek would have tried to go back for that freaking necrotic gem that Caleb almost got nuked trying to get. That whole scenario is freaking hilarious.

32. If the CR main cast were to play the original 7 tombtakers per The Nine Eyes of Lucien (Brevyn, Cree, Jurrell, Lucien, Otis, Tyffial, and Zoren) in a one shot, who should play whom? Assume Matt DMs, but you do not need to have Taliesin play Lucien.

Oh absolutely Matt plays Lucien. I would have Ashley be Brevyn (because it only makes sense given the connection), Zoren be Liam, Sam be Otis (because karma is a god), Cree be Laura actually, Travis be Jurrell, and Marisha be Tyffial. Have Taliesin switch out with Matt sometimes when Matt comes in as Vess DeRogna. Double DM!

37. You have to take a 16 hour road trip with one NPC from each campaign (all at once, ie, three other people). The NPCs cannot shorten the road trip in any way and the road trip must be via driving but you can do it in two 8 hour days and share a motel room if you’d like. Who do you pick?

Oh geez. Probably Gilmore and Essek and Weva and I'll explain. Essek would be the person I would talk to for small talk and get along with (and talk about how exhausting it is to just be) and Gilmore to absolutely come in and be like "I got the music!" and slams on the soundtrack from Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Weva would also be the one who tells really extravagant stories because she has to be some sort of death cleric who has stories from being a magical mortician.

[benefits1986]

morogonomic

When it rains, it floods.

One of the things I do when I combat the flu (and cortisol) is watching a good movie. Dad has been cooking more with the help of my recipes, and pre-prepared ingredients with exact measures and specific instructions because your noona has been kinda clunky recently. I have been able to slow down a bit and what better way to wind down than to watch a movie together on a stormy MNL night, right?

And so, the new interface of Netflix is fucked. LOL. I rarely watch movies lately because I need to get stuff in places I don't even know when, where, or how. CHZ. Crap on crap on crap is what Netflix is, generally speaking. LOL. Kaya mejj wala na rin ako pake. When I saw Brillante Ma Mendoza's Moro, I knew I was not going to have a "chill" viewing experience. I actually browsed again and again. I wanted something calming or something that won't make me think. However, ang gwapo ni Piolo tapos 'yung ilong niya, parang ginawa na naman. CHOZ. Mala-Pinnochio na e and super pointed. LOL.

Brillante's brilliance is one of the reasons why I love indie films. The shaky shots, the bokeh, the colors, the frame, the details. It's giving ethnographic research on super steroids, babyyyyyy! Kabogstra Viva, Seiko, and Star Cinema. EMS.

The first time I saw Serbis ages ago, sabi ko, JUSQ. Ano ba 'to? Bakit I can feel the UGH seeping into my system. Naggawa niyang mag-appeal sa 5 senses even when it was but another indie film. Looking back, taob Vivamax sa Serbis. Isa pa lang 'yan a. Tabi. Choopi. And may social relevance pa as in god-tier levels.

Siguro, kasi Serbis is housed in cinema rin kaya appealing sa akin. Pero super graphic niya na hanggang ngayon, kunot-noo pa rin ako. Para sa mga nagsasabing porn-ish ang Serbis, bobo niyong lahat. Hahahaha. Eat shit. Serbis is a movie that moves people. Lalabasan ka ng inis, galit, poot, at higit sa lahat pawis. Kasi naman, I kennat why naman ganun here sa earth mga ganaps? And the kambing in one of the scenes, just super graphic. It's horrific and terrific. Ganernnn.

Iniisip ko nga kung papanood ko sa tatay kong pakitong-kitong itong Serbis pero baka mastress lang siya kesa mag-enjoy. HAHAHAHA. Namention kasi ni dad a few weeks back na ang legit daw pala ni Mercedes Carbral. Sabi ko naman: You haven't seen her in her glory, yet! Hahahahahaha.

Si Brillante, unapologetic sa timeline ng pelikula niya. And proud siya diyan. May flow siya kung saan immersion ang laban ng kwento niya. HOOOHOOOHOOO. Kaya nga, indie 'di ba? Budget, medyo malaki. Hahahahahaha. Pero 'yung mga paganaps niya, pakkkk.

Hindi talaga ako nasa-starstruck masyado, let alone naiintimidate, pero mannnnn. The first time I saw him in the flesh, solid. Kasi, he lets his art speak for him. PAK. Nakipagkwentuhan to the max talaga ako kasi sobrang gusto ko makita details niya up close. LOL. As a fangirl po tayo e. Tapos usap-usap kami about his films. HUHUHUHU. Pigil-pigil pa akong tumili kasi in that moment, I am living the dreammmmm, babbyyyy. Simple lang pero solid.

I think first time ni Dad manood ng Brillante Ma Mendoza film. So, boogsh. Hahahahahaha. Puro kasi Seiko saka Vivamax trip neto. LOL.

Side Note: Years back, tinanong ako ng tatay ko bakit naman daw 'yung 50 Shades of Grey ang lala. I'm like wtf do you mean? Syempre, explain-explain siya. Me: Hay. It's is what it is. And the target market are women who are bottled up. Research shows that... ayun. PAKSHET NA MALAGKET. Galetwoman na naman me. Apaka bobo talaga manood. Hahahahahaha. Also, kako, baka na-insecure lang din siya because... Hahaha. Boogsh. Forda record, OA nung 50 Shades. Honestly. Jusq. Pero pang-mainstream kasi siya, so ayun. Next!

Sabi ko na humanda siya. Aba sabi ba naman, bakit wala pang nangyayari sa mga unang scenes. In fairness sa comment niya, totoo 'yan. Ganyan si Brillante. 'Di naman sing-bagal ni Kidlat Tahimik pero mabagal talaga first few minutes ng pelikula niya. He takes time to expose his narrative.

In true fashion, may papoetic vibe kung saan, ang goal ay pag-isipin ka agad-agad. LOL. Sa ending naman, lagi't laging open-ended na syempre, ayaw ng mga typical Pinoys. HAHAHAHAHA.

I won't go into the "spoiler" route pero ukilkilin natin ang paglikha ni Ma Mendoza. Hahahahahaha. Shemayyyy. 'Yung shots niya, parang nasa frame ka as a "wingman" or "wingwoman" kasi iba pag-shot niya. 'Yung para kang Marites. Tapos, 'yung shaky shots epek niya, minsan may sense, minsan wala.

I think pinaka gusto ko is 'yung lights. As in. Solb na solb. 'Di siya fancy, pero kaya niyang magpa-sepia sa foreground tapos muted pero popping background. HAHAHAHA. Eat shit mga ibang manlilikha. Puwedeng edited na 'to lalo these days, pero naisip pa niya talaga 'yun 'di ba?

'Yung depth of field niya mula super shallow to super deep abot kabilang universe. EMS. Ang galing kasi kita mo talaga. Pinagisipan. Ginalingan kahit minsan medyo pilit. HUY. Hahahahahaha. Gets ba? Ayun. Mahirap kasi lalo 'pag camera mo, ems lang. CHOZ. Pero mahirap kasi budget is usually a constrict rather than a construct. HUY. Sino ka na naman diyan?

Then, the frames. 'Di siya Wong Kar-wai na frame within a frame within a frame. Sa tingin ko kasi, walang ganito sa Philippine cinema. Wala pa. Baka paparating pa lang. *wink*wink* Hahahaha. 'Yung framing niya, reflective ng Philippine culture. Either super wide or super tight. EMS. Walang in between. Paano mo nga ba kasi ife-frame ang isang bansang sobrang lala ng curation of the poor, the middle class, and the upper class, 'di ba po? CHOZ.

Anyhow, set design and prod. Isa pa 'to. Ang boogsh. 'Di siya fancy, pero malapit sa realidad. 'Yung parang hiniram ang mga costume ng cast sa kapitbahayan. Ganern. Eat shit ulit. Hahahahahaha. Compared to Oro, Plata, Mata, hahahahahahahahaha. 'Yun na lang talaga. I come in peace. EMS.

Another thing kay Ma Me is 'yung grainy pero sharp vibe. Basta. Gets ba? Or baka ako lang na naman yan. Pati textured skin ni Piolo, hindi naklusot. Pati imperfection nung nunal ni Piolo, putok na putok. Pati pag-tulo ng mga sinampay na damit nung housewife ni Baron, poetic. Hahahaha. Parang may subtext lahat. EMS.

I remember one question thrown by an audience (not me, syempre) about a film, not sure if Brillante 'yun. Tinanong kung intentional ba raw or subtext 'yung pink-ish color grading. Sabi nung direktor, ah. Napansin mo rin? Actually, wala lang. Gusto ko lang ng ganung color para maiba. HAHAHAHA. Tawa naman ang audience. LOL.

Details. Ang pinaka simpleng sapul details is 'yung mga weeds as in damong ligaw na nasa lupa after nung shot ng mga Most Wanted. Sobrang liit na details lang nun, pero juskoooolordeeee. Take my soul. Ganerrnn.

So, what?

I really wanna see more films from the Philippines that are trending with a purpose. 'Di lang 'yung puro landian to the max o kaya naman, puro very good girls and bois. HUY. We deserve a better cinema experience even sa online. Actually, lalo sa online. Dapat naman e magkaroon na ng impit finally ang mga pelikulang may kwento AT may kwenta. As I keep saying, cinema is a reflection of one's identity --on a personal level, and a societal level.

Para naman sana, may bigat at buga na tayo sa pagbaha at pagbayo sa bansa lalo na't sobrang disaster-prone natin. Para naman sa mga new breed na pagmamanahan natin ng legacy na sana naman, may silbi, savay-savay. Para naman sa pag-stop right now ng mga kulay ni ganito at ni ganyan forda greater good. Para naman kako, masawata na talaga ang kanser ng lipunan na nakaatang sa mga mamayan at sa bawat buwis at boto or hindi nila pagboto. Para naman sana, baka bukas, mas piliin natin ang Pilipinas ng hindi sapilitan lang. Para naman, baka naman, baka lang, makausad na ng tuluyan ang Bapor Tabo patungo sa West Philippine Sea. CHOZ. Para naman, kesa mega cities na reclaimed naman (ulol) ang focus, sustainable living and working spaces ang pamana natin sa next generation, 'di po ba?

Umaaray at dumudugo na ang middle class. Pati mga alta-ish, mejj nase-stress na sa lagay ng shit dito. LOL. Kaya naman, ano na? Ano ba? Ano pa? Ano? Suntukan? Ang agaaaa. Abangan! PS1: Fave shot ko sa Moro is 'yung part na may mother and son na parang Jesus and Mary pero Muslim. Basta. No spoiler. Abangan n'yo na lang kung masisipat niyo. Hihihihihihi.

PS2: Walang PS2 for today. Bukas na lang siguro. CHZ.

[fvaleraye]

I think this is the sauciest thing y’all are EVER going to get from me ASDLFKJN Hopefully it doesn’t get me mcfucking sniped-

[crymeariveronceagain]

If you don’t mind answering, (I know you might have a lot of asks already, I’m sorry if me adding to them is making you feel overwhelmed.) how do you think the Kotlc cast would do in something similar to a Big Brother/Sister program? (Where you’re assigned to a kid to sort of mentor or take care of depending on the kid’s age.)

u already got sprayed with "YOU ARE NOT ANNOYING OR OVERWHELMING" juice once, i'm not gonna do it again, but I will admit i am sorely tempted.

oooooh let me thiiink

Sophie: Sophie is really a logical leader. She's straightforward, and offers like, legit good advice. This girl is just really invested, but in like, a good way. She's just a nice person to have on your side. She probably takes you out to the library or bookstore, because she's a nerd, and she likes reading, but when you guys talk about life in the coffee shop she listens and gives you all sorts of tips about how to deal with bullies. It's highkey... just. Nice. She's a nice person, especially to someone younger than her. She's always been an older sister type of person, and when she was little she was her own to guide and defend herself. So this is honestly her being what she needed when she was little.

Keefe: Oh. My gosh. He would be thrilled to do this, he's telling you tips on how to get away with eating in class and how to cut school constantly and still pass. He's showing you all the best spots in the school, and he 100% shows up to your extracurricular skill-showing-off-day, whether it's art or sports or robotics or even chess. He's super encouraging and super fun to be around. He cracks jokes constantly and he just really enjoys being someone someone littler looks up to. Alvar was always that kind of person to him, and even then, he rarely saw Alvar, so like, having someone look up to really makes him excited and want to do the absolute best by them.

Fitz: He's not super invested, but that's okay. He'll hang out once in a while but like. Eh. He's got a ton on his plate, and this program is just another extra thing for him to do, another box to check off. He checks it off, and it's all fine and good, but he's great, but when he gets home he just crashes into his bed and he's so exhausted that he doesn't move for a long while.

Biana: Has anyone ever wanted to mentor someone else more? No. Is she doing her absolute best? Yes. Does she know what she's doing? Absolutely not. I love her for that. She's doing everything she can and it's really sweet. She loves hanging out with you, loves doing things with you, and she's just a bit scattered, but it's so sweet and she really means everything that when she's consistently ten minutes late it doesn't even matter because she brought ripplepuffs and smiles brighter than the stars.

Tam: Super invested. Really cares and really wants to know. He's a lot more on the supportive side than you'd expect, and he doesn't sugar coat things. He tells you the truth. Straight facts. He's an active listener, and always tries to help you get to the best solutions. You never go anywhere interesting, or anything, but he's smart, and he sees reality for what it is, and is always willing to help or to listen.

Linh: She will let you tell her all the problems, you're holding a cat, sitting in a garden, everything's gonna be okay. Literally. She's like this aura of "it's gonna be okay." Sometimes older siblings, even the kind that are chosen, exist to show you that you can do it too. Linh is that kind of person. You can make it because she made it. You're going to be okay because she was. Everything is going to be alright because Linh is on your side, and everything that's going bad has been going bad for a long time and Linh's seen the bad too. You're not gonna face it alone.

Marella: She's effortlessly cool. Like she is the coolest person anyone will ever see. She's sassy, smart, quick on her feet, and she is everything you ever want to be. She's so, so cool. Like, the epitome of cool. She's the chewing bubblegum, black painted nails and dark eyeliner of the word cool. It's just so fun to hang out with her. She really cares, and it shows, and she listens and while she's not overly invested, or even super invested, she's cool. So at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter all that much.

Dex: Okay, he's not cool. Especially not in comparison to Marella. But he always has the best ideas and the best solutions, and he'll always make you laugh. He's just a fun person to be around and hang out with. So, no matter if he's practically "anti-cool juice" squished into a capri-sun pouch, when you hang out with him, you have a good time.

Stina: The queen of sarcasm. She listens, she really does, but her responses are all kind of sarcastic, and she doesn't really know how to act around kids, and when she's flustered she gets a little mean. So she's not super fun to be around, but it's because she doesn't know what she's doing, not because she's trying to be mean.

Maruca: Boba tea and sticky notes for you to hang up on your mirror. No, I'm not going to expand. She's just a steady presence of calm and it's really quite nice to be around her because she radiates calm out of her like other people radiate panic. It's nice to be around, and she's dangerous, too, but in a way that makes you know that nothing's gonna bother you as long as you're with her.

[peppertaemint]

hi, from your blog I learn a lot about shinee and you are doing well. Do not take my following questions the wrong way. I do see you being vocal and critica of bts and their fandom from time to time. It is good to know both sides of the fandom, good and evil, well done on talking about it. My question may seem rude but why are you also not critical of shinee, their fans and their company. I only see you write good things about shinee not a negative review, be it their solo projects to you they are perfect etc. Is it okay for someone like me who is learning about them to just know their good and positive aspects. Does this mean they are perfect idols, who have never said or done anything wrong, and as for their fandom they are not xenophobic, racist and etc as well.

Hi Anon,

I really like your Ask. Thank you for submitting it.

SHINee (and for that matter all groups/artists) are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, does the wrong thing, has beef with their company etc.

As for me, I don't have a lot of complaints about SM re SHINee. They have a contract that gives them final say on everything, and they put out music and concepts that are satisfying to me and intellectually stimulating as someone who studied art and music.

I have complained about the fandom here before, but I rarely need to because they don't really move like army or blinks or stays apparently (lol). I don't see racism or xenophobia within the fandom on a daily basis. The new, younger Taemin fans are the ones I see it mostly with (once every two months maybe? Lol) but they're mostly busy making Taemin sound like SM's Cinderella when he's legit the favourite.

The thing I think you're forgetting Anon is that this is a fandom that suffered trauma and still experiences grief. There are "bigger fish to fry" in SHINee World than cyber bullying a kid for saying something dumb or attacking journalists. When the New Yorker published that terrible article last month, the vast majority of shawols politely listed the problems with it. Of course there are exceptions but there were a lot of people, including myself, reminding fans of our behaviour standards.

The fandom fundamentally has a different perspective. It's not an easy thing. And the shawol fights you see on occasion are often younger fans not respecting Jonghyun's legacy. Some even say they don't care to know him. I'm sure you can understand how hurtful that is to a lot of the fans. It pains me when I come across it because his music is nothing short of brilliant.

I've said this before in other posts, but people are welcome to send in asks that are critical of ANY group. That includes SHINee and Taemin, especially now that we know Taemin is healthier. When he was unwell, I was not comfortable going down that route but I think that's understandable given well, everything.

Does SHINee have a "bad" aspect? Sure. They've done cultural appropriation like all other kpop groups in some of their styling occasionally. Don't Call Me had some hip hop looks blended with other fashions. I think they're good at creating something new out of different elements; I didn't feel like they were in hip hop cosplay. However, I do think they could be more careful with some elements (the durag, some of the hats chosen).

Do I have criticisms? Only a few. I think my main criticism centers on how unwell Taemin was before he enlisted and how the fans experienced that. But how can I blame anyone? When someone gets sick, they get sick. And he was already sick for a long time. I wish there was a way he could have been helped, and that fans could have felt comforted and less worried. My only choice is to trust SM has learned from its mistakes. SM made horrific, tragic mistakes and I do think some of the ire for Hybe is rooted in how they're inexperienced and seem to not put the health and training of their talent first when they should have learned from other's companies mistakes.

[l1l1l1l1]

Heroine for Hire review

Finally got around to reading this, it's been on my list since someone on Tiktok recommended it! After reading the first chapter, I wasn't sure how I felt about Serizawa being a "playboy" and needing Kodakamine to be his bodyguard from other girls. Like you can be upfront and set boundaries with people!! Anyway, continuing on, I enjoyed this series A LOT. The art style is *chef's kiss* and I especially love that Kodakamine is a girlboss lmao like she can defend herself, is sweet and is so pretty. She's become one of my favorite shoujo leads, it's pretty rare for one not to annoy me at least once. Serizawa did grow on me, I'm glad they got together!! Although I do wish we got to see more of them after being official, the series was too short!! I was expecting like 30 or 40 chapters but I guess looking back, the plot became complete once they became a couple.

I loved Kazune and Kozuki together, I just knew they'd be a couple. Kazune and Kodakamine could be cousin's in law hahah. I would've loved to see more of this couple tbh.

I somewhat felt bad for Sakaki, legit if he had communicated when they were younger that he didn't mean what he said, he and Kodakamine could've been together cause I think she liked him back then(?) possibly?? Or maybe she just liked him as a good friend, but one things for sure, they were the closest, she literally said he was "special". It was bittersweet to see him tell Kodakamine to confess to Serizawa before it's too late because that's the mistake he made. It does make me feel slightly better that he's slowly getting better at communicating with girls and is learning from his past.

Honestly I want to reread it again lol, it was just full of fluff and made my heart full!

Rate: 9.5

[kaydeefalls]

For the writer ask meme: 3, 11, 12 for The Pride

Aw, nice, thank you! The Pride Pact, cheesy meet-cute AU of my heart.

3. Any deleted scenes that didn't make it into the fic?

Nope! I wrote this one in chronological order and 100% by the seat of my pants, just grooving with where it decided to take me. Never had anything extraneous to delete. (That's pretty normal for me, though -- it's rare that I write entire scenes and then delete them later. It definitely happens, but not often.)

11. What happens to these characters 2, 5, 10 years later?

You know, normal stuff. IDK, these are the most real-world-normal versions of the TOG characters I've ever written. Nicky and Joe definitely move in together way too quickly, probably within a couple of months. Joe switches career paths a couple of times, trying to figure out a way to make a living in the arts a little more directly. Nile bullies them into holding their wedding reception at the Guard and is genuinely surprised and thrilled when they actually follow through. She and Celeste probably shack up at some point. Lykon finishes his degree and becomes a social worker, but keeps pulling bar shifts anyway because he enjoys it and likes the excuse to hang out with Andy and Quynh. Everything is soft and occasionally stressful because that's what real life is but they all stay friends and stuff. Just nice happy things, IDK.

12. Pick a scene and give writer's commentary on your thoughts.

OH GOD HOW DO I EVEN

fine

Once in the cab, he ignores Joe as best he can, resting his head against the window. The glass feels cool against his face. Finally, Joe breaks the silence. "I'm sorry," he says. "I don't know what I said that pissed you off so much, but whatever it was, I am sorry."

"Okay," Nicky tells the window, still not looking at him.

"Nicky." When he doesn't respond, Joe reaches out to rub Nicky's shoulder. "C'mon, please. I don't think you've ever been mad at me before, and I really want to make it right. This sucks."

Nicky considers shrugging him off, but realizes he's already leaning into Joe's touch in spite of himself. "It's nothing, it's stupid. I'll probably forget about it in the morning anyway."

"I won't, though. Please, Nicky, just talk to me—"

"I just wish you would stop bringing up the damn Pride pact," Nicky says, all in a rush, knowing exactly how ridiculous he must sound. "Like—it's fine, whatever, I know you and I are never going to…" He swallows and shakes his head. "I've made my peace with it. But you don't need to keep reminding all our friends exactly how unfuckable you think I am."

Joe freezes, his grip on Nicky's shoulder tightening. "That's not—"

"I know that is not how you intend it," Nicky says quietly. "It's just a joke at this point, but that's how it feels, so. I wish you wouldn't."

So, like, it's no secret that the Pride pact is based on an actual agreement I made (at Pride) with the woman who is now my wife, because we were the only two queer women in a social group dominated by gay men. (Very little else about the fic is based on RL, but the basic premise, yes.) Anyway. The way SHE tells it, she'd tried to chat me up a few times at that point, but I was clearly not interested, so she proposed the pact as a way to prove that we could just be friends and I wouldn't have to worry about her Making It Weird. From my perspective, I legit had no idea she was interested and felt very Warned Off by the way she shot me down out of absolutely nowhere when we weren't even flirting or anything. But whatever, it's all good.

Fast forward a couple of years. We're still just friends. She still brings up the pact as a joke among our friends on the regular, and at one point I get drunk with a mutual friend and rant about it to him for like an hour because, like, I haven't had a date in ages and there are still only a bare handful of other female-identified folks in our friend group and I would really appreciate it if my ONE friend who is also inclined towards women would stop reminding all of our mutual friends exactly how unfuckable she finds me. (Unbeknownst to me, the reason she keeps mentioning it is because she is solidly crushing on me at this point and is overcompensating because she still doesn't want to make it weird.)

That conversation between Nicky and Joe? We never actually had it. Because it honestly wound up not being relevant by the time we got together in real life, and it was just that one random night I got really ticked off about it -- it's not something I was genuinely upset by, it had just been a weird night and I'd been in a shitty mood. But that's my imagining of how much more quickly we might have gotten our shit together if we'd ever actually TALKED ABOUT IT like freaking grownups. Living vicariously through fictional characters, folks!

(Other fun fact: my wife reads almost all my fic before I post it these days. When she got to that scene, she was like OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE WHOLE TIME and it was legitimately hilarious.)

[butchbarneygumble]

Got tagged by @lucky-lacmac ! I always grasp the chance to talk about my comfort characters so HERE GO They vary depending on hyperfixations so I'm going with what comes to mind rn and thus they're not numbered wheeeeeee Prohyas Warrior (Mighty Magiswords)

I just. I was just smitten by this guy from day one. I was in Florida, caught the first episode on TV. Wasn't too enticed by the show yet, but soon found myself dreaming of the characters. Gave it more of a chance when I was back home, and eventually got way too into it and it moved from Background Noise to Hell Yeah I Love You!!!! The show in general brings me so much joy but something about Accordion Man just... speaks to me. He insist he's manly and has a killer bod, but he's also openly fond of cute things like dolphins and lil bugs and is super motherly. I just love when characters defy gender expectations. And I love his design, his attitude, his voice, the sense of humour he brings, and that hair, man. That hair Sends Me. He's probably one of the reasons I dyed my hair blue.... not to mention both he and Vambre are just unapologetic manchildren who just try to have fun with their job and adult life. I really relate to that and wish CN would do more cartoons about that. I'm tired of children protags jhckgfgs

honestly every character in this show gets comfort character vibes from me (just please give vambre a break with the hornyposting she deserves so much more) and the fact it has like no fandom at all is criminal

Conker (Conker's Bad Fur Day)

Imagine if you will, I was 6 years old or so when Bad Fur Day released. I had no knowledge of it until my dad bought it for himself from the bargain bin in a local Intertoys that is now gone. Playing it through a bit (sneakily) my mom caught me JUST at the moment he threw up during the opening cutscene. I cried out of secondhand embarrassed, mom consoled me and it went into storage until I was 13 Then I found footage of the Great Mighty Poo on Youtube and snuck in that damn game again. Now, I had actual knowledge of English and as a teenager, the concept of an adult game was just very exciting. I fell in love with Conker, but in a different way a lot of people do. I see him as a normal guy who's just having a really weird day and his greed ruins his life. It's poetic, and I want to hug him a lot. But also slap him for being a little shit. He was there for me in my strange teenhood, when I was exploring adult subjects when I probably shouldn't, but it's been good all the way through. Probably my gateway into the furry fandom as well. As an adult I find myself enjoying the non-edgy stuff more - and it reflects in the fan material I produce of Conker. He is still very important to me and I love him a lot.

Barley Lightfoot (Onward)

Rarely was there ever a character I could point at and be like "me." Girls in animation were always just... There, or very girly to a point I couldn't see myself in there. Surprise, surprise, Renée, you're not even a girl!!! Barley is one of those characters that I saw myself in. I do not have a sibling, but sometimes do wish I had one - and live vigorously throughout media portrayals of them. He is me as my best self - supportive, loud, clumsy, outwardly scary but otherwise just trying to do the right thing. He's one of those "Do I want to date you or do I want your gender" types. Ian is a good boy too ofc, but Barley to me is especially personal. His choice of fashion and body shape, right down to his big jawline, I feel mirrors myself. However, where both Lightfoot bros shine is that I share the experience of having "half a dad".

When Barley and Ian were going through the underground river and he was talking about the last memory of his dad, I saw me. I cried buckets. My dad was diagnosed with ALS somewhere around when I first read about Onward's development, and when I saw it with him he was already paralyzed and wheelchair-bound. He was smiling all the way through. Fergy Fudgehog (Viva Piñata)

Lilshit. Absolute trash animal. Why do I love you so much? I dunno. He's kind of awful. Whereas originally characterized as a scaredy-cat who hated the idea of parties, he eventually got flanderized into a nasty little so-and-so who would sell his own adoptive brother if it meant he could get a snack out of it. When he's not that, he's a whiny manchild. Yet he entices me. His colour pattern, and my fondness for hedgehogs... him making weird noises a lot. I like him enough to have had a role play account for him for a while that's still around!! Sometimes you don't know why you like a character and that's okay.

Luigi (Super Mario Bros) Mario (Super Mario Bros)

When I was 12 I first got into Mario. And I don't mean playing the games and enjoying them, but actively into the characters, lore, and stories... for as much as you can say Mario has story. Mario and Luigi are just such pleasant looking characters. They shouldn't be cute but they are. They were my first crushes and recently I've gotten back into it and I'm just here for it. Mario and Luigi are cute and I should say it!!!!!I legit find them attractive, physically and mentally. Also shipping Luigi with Peasley gives me happiness and I hate teenage me for having bad taste and hating it.

Donkey Kong Diddy Kong Dixie Kong

Donkey Kong is the Absolute, the Eternal. He has always been there in my life, and so have his games. Something about that ape makes me feel comfortable and happy and I just want to hug him. I love the lore of the games, the aesthetics - toony-yet-realistic, and it influenced the HELL out of my own art style. Donkey Kong is just a Cool Soft Gorilla who WILL kick ass. Diddy and Dixie were also super influentual to me. DKC2 is one of my most favourite video games, starring two of my most favourite characters, and my favourite aesthetic... though, in a fun case of chicken-and-egg situation, I dunno if my love for pirates came from DKC2 or other way around. Lars Barriga (Steven Universe)

Babby's First Gender Envy When Lars' entire arc happened, I was in college, constantly trying to discover myself. I enjoyed the character before the arc but the arc just elevated my love for him to the stars. He's just a fella, so nervous about what other people think about him... later in the show you get an insight on why he's like that. Then, he's dragged to space, forced to confront his emotional constipation, Fuckin Dies trying to save his new friends, and is brought back to life as a badass pink space zombie. Something about that just vibed with me super strongly. And how Steven always saw the good in him even if he bullied him. I love him so much. I love them both. That's the main ones! I tag whomever wants to do this I'm bad at tagging jdkfghjd