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jyunshiim · 2 years

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Broken compass *✬★*☽ ⤷𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘟 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Contains → implies slight nsfw content

Listen to → Broken compass

Word count → 12.9k

TW → No major TW

Summary:

It’s just the way it is. Fate brought upon such intermittent human emotions, fracturing a person and their bond.. Though it was inevitable. However thoughts dwell on a person over time and slowly sink in, making one question…’If only…’

The warmish rays of the autumn sun beamed gracefully through the towering windows in your spacious cafeteria as you and your friends conversed about your summer and reminisced about the fun you all had. A cushioned booth that seated at least 6 of you was perfect for you and your friends as you leaned back into the booth, knees pressing against the round, creamish table in front of you. Han, Hyunjin and Yeji had been your friends since the age of 16; they’ve seen you at your highs and lows, your best and worst and yet they stayed with you and treated you like someone incredibly special to them. They were the best friends you asked for and they had, without fail, made sure everyone was treated equally with lots of love and adoration. It was staggering to you how you all grew up together and attended the same university too, though it was comforting - despite knowing you wouldn't see them all the time as you would in school - but that was okay. They all took a course suited them best spotlighting their talents; Han took literature with a combined English degree, Hyunjin took fine art with a year abroad and Yeji took graphic design. However, they all pursued something they wanted a career in, something they enjoyed…except for you. You were denied entry for criminology since your grades and entry points did not add up to the requirements so it was Communication that you had to choose because your points aligned with the requirements. The disappointment was spiteful but it was out of your control to change it now.

The ice in your plastic cup brushed up against each other, rattling, as you swirled the watery coffee as you and your dear friends talked about summer and all the things they got up to; Hyunjin opened an Etsy shop, Yeji managed to complete a course during summer to increase her skills to get a job and Han had been relentlessly writing in his charcoal grey notebook with his chewed pen slipped into the spine. The 4 of you spoke together as the ice in your cup melted further before Hyunjin had to leave for his class. “oh yeah you reminded me that I had a class too!” you pounce up grabbing your bag and cup before waddling past Yeji to get out of the booth.

“I finish my classes at 6pm today,” Yeji frowned as she opened her arms to give you a hug.

“oh my god no! that’s so long, you can do it though and if you want us to wait we can,” you offer as she waves her hands gesturing not to.

“We’ll message you later, good luck on your classes!” Han bounces his leg as he waves you and Hyunjin goodbye.

You take a sip of your coffee as you open the large, tan doors to your lecture room before the professor arrives. You take a seat; The theatre was ample with elevated ceilings. It was bigger than you expected but you played it safe and sat close to the front of the room,5 rows up, 3 seats down so it was easier for you to dash out. The faint, bitter, diluted taste of coffee was repulsive since the water weakened the caffeine that you needed for that energy boost for a 9am class. It was completely diluted now and there is no use in drinking it. What a shame you couldn’t finish it before the class. Other people begin to fill up the room although your row remains empty. It was relieving. You gently place your phone on the table and scroll through your social media to kill some time before your professor comes in.

You felt a tap on the table before your head shot up in dismay, your skin going slightly pale since you didn't know a single soul in the class - yet.

He clears his throat. “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here ?” pointing at the seat next to you.

“Oh, yeah-” you realised what you said “OH NO I mean no, sorry,” your ears flared up red but from the corner of your eye the person sat down and put his headphones around his neck. Your eyes scan across the row and there was no one but you and him. Regardless, you embarrassed yourself to the first person who actually spoke to you.

“You seemed a little bit lonely, I hope you don’t mind” He smiled. He seemed incredibly sweet so you let it pass. You unconsciously picked up on certain features like the dimple on the left side of his cheek, his walnut locks perched at his eyebrows and his lips were full and were a pinkish hue like a strawberry bonbon.

“I’m Chan by the way, it’s rude of me not introducing myself and then invading your personal space” he lets out an endearing giggle. Your ears began to burn up again with embarrassment. Did you really give such an aura? your semi dry throat croaks slightly before you clear it again.

“Ah no no, you didn’t.Thank you for the company Chan!” you nervously chuckled as your thumb picks at your cuticle.

The energy you created was tense and you felt nervous but he seemed to be very gentle and calm with you and your nerves. He seemed… really nice.

“and you are?” he attempts to persevere with the conversation. You felt a wave of awkwardness and cringe dissipate through your body before you turned your head to him to respond.

“oh yeah of course i’m [YN]” you nod as you give a polite smile.

“It's very nice to meet you, I hope we can become friends over the course,” his gentle tone sounded sincere and honest, it was comforting and refreshing.

You felt deflated after 2 hours of your first ever class and wanted to head off to the rooftop cafe that looked over the campus, so you latched onto your bag strap and briskly tried to head off alone without any more conversation. “Hey, what other classes are you in?” Chan asks. It was obvious he was starting a conversation with you because he wanted to know you better and of course you couldn’t be open with him just yet. Sharing schedules wouldn’t hurt though?

“Oh, well i’m in seminar class A i think that should be the only different thing on everyone's schedules?” You turn to him leaving a gap in between. He inches closer; “I'm a bit confused about how to know what my class is?” he shows his screen on his phone. You carefully examine his timetable and pinpoint the class he's in.

A deafening silence flooded your mind.

“Oh great! We can always go to class together, if you don’t mind,” he smiles again both his dimples appearing.You nodded your head before he walked around to leave but stopped to turn around; “I hope we can be friends!”

That would be nice.

–

A few months go by. You and Chan became closer since he was the only one in the class that cared about the subject and understood it at the same level as you. You studied together often whenever you had the time and met up outside of campus with him and your other friends. Chan and your friends got along extremely well and he treated each one of them as he would a close friend.

Hyunjin and Yeji organised a small gathering to get to know Chan better.

[Online]

You: I was wondering, why dont we go out sometime?

Chan: that sounds good to me

Yeji: woow this is the first time I heard you say that?! but of course!!

Hyunjin is typing

Hyunjin: Sounds good to me!

You: okie, we can go to the one near my house?

Han: sure thing, 7pm tonight, lets go.

You: that was so straight up but okay lmaoo

Everyone agrees in unison and so that evening you, Chan and your friends were hanging out again. The night felt like a blur to you. A lot happened at once but what you could remember was Chan asking you if you were okay every minute and making sure you didn’t feel too overwhelmed. He didn’t drink a lot, perhaps only two drinks but it seemed to you that he was a heavy weight. Only Chan, You and Yeji were sober, however Han and Hyunjin visited another universe that night…

“Why does my brother have to embarrass me like that!” Yeji whines as Hyunjin anchors her down. Chan helps Yeji put Hyunjin into her car.

“I did not expect him to-”

“be like this? yeah never put him and Han in one room.. a competition every time!” Yeji groans in disappointment. “put the other one in the back as well i’ll take him home too but he’s going to get a slap from me tomorrow!”

You and Chan slip out a laugh in unison before looking at each other, stupefied.

“Well, I’ll be off, Yeji, I’ll see you soon, good luck with those two…” you giggle before waving goodbye.

“Hey, don’t leave without me,” Chan runs after you, the side of his arm brushing against yours slightly.

“Oh, you live this way too?” you ask him slightly staggered that he was walking in the same direction.

“Oh, no I don’t but I am in no way letting you walk alone in the dark,” he shakes his head. You felt his body lean into yours before his hands placed themselves on your shoulders to move you away from the road. It didn't faze you in the moment but it truly did mean a lot.

“Where do you live then?” you ask him, tilting your head to the side.

“I live in a student apartment complex too but it’s not your one, it’s the one that’s opposite the convenience store,” you instantly knew where he was talking about. It was a 10 minute walk from your place so it wasn’t far at all.

The breeze was gentle, gliding through the leaves that rustled above your head as you walked contently next to Chan as he talked about his experiences in his flat - it was not sounding pleasant at all!

“Oh.. that does not sound fun at all I’m so sorry! Just know you can come over anytime just drop me a text and i’ll be down,” you nudge his shoulder playfully instantly becoming bashful.

He chuckles softly, it was the half giggle half chuckle that you found endearing. “thank you, I will keep a note of that. Feel free to ask me out whenever, my flatmates are awful so I wouldn't want to bring you around,” he shakes his head, tsking at the comment he made.

“a-ask out?” you thought to yourself, a sheer wave of panic inundating you. He didn't mean that way.

“Well Chan, if you need an escape I'm always here…” you smile, assuring him some sort of freedom from his flatmates.

What was that? That foreign feeling in your stomach?

“thank you so much, you’re the first person to actually offer that and care about how I feel, thank you,” he looks down smiling in appreciation before he lowers himself to the ground.

“wow, hey are you okay?” you stop your hand before it touches his brunette curls. You inspect to see what he was doing and you feel his fingers on your shoelace. Your body is set into panic.

“Hey! you don’t need to do that,” you squeal in embarrassment.

“hey, listen, it’s fine,” he swats your hand away. You were completely dumbfounded to say the least.

–

The crispness of the air was nostalgic to the days when you were younger, around 9 years old, when you and Yeji used to play in the park together despite your fingers freezing into icicles. You vividly remember when you, Yeji and Hyunjin used to play at the top of the play trail before a young boy climbed up to the top and was startled that there were people there and started crying - that was how you all met Han.November had emerged. The temperature plummeted drastically which was a shock to you yet you felt reminiscent of your youth. The blanket on your lap accumulated warmth as you fiddled with the corner because the soft material was satisfying to touch. You sat at your desk, gazing out of your window on a bleak evening as the sun wanes at the horizon setting to let the entrancing moon set itself directly outside your window, a mighty breeze perforates the warmth of your bedroom through a crevice at your window since you forgot to close it fully. Your room had the perfect view of the moon, especially when it sat high and mighty beaming its pearly luminescence. Your eyes were almost magnetised to such a simple thing but it felt like home to you since the moon was the only thing that gave you comfort when you were alone.

You reached over to your phone to cure your boredom and decided to message Chan.

You: Hey, what are you doing?

Chan: Nothing right now, my flatmates are burning something in the kitchen and honestly being irritating.

You: Well, you’re free to come over if you want to. I’m only doing some of my assignment

Chan: Oh yeah! If you don’t mind I'll be on my way in like 15… thank you

You were caught by surprise at the instantaneous reply yet you felt gratified that he was keeping you company as well as letting him escape from his flatmates from hell.

20 long minutes go by and you get a text from Chan that he’s downstairs. You take the elevator down and scan your keycards to open the security doors to let him in. “Wow, your place is so much nicer…” he looked around mouth, slightly parted in awe.

You push the ashy grey door to your room revealing a heaven-like scene - to Chan. Everything was a simple white, from your bedding to your blinds to the accessories that decorate your walls. He scans the room; the white, flower fairy lights adorned the headboard of your bed along with the outskirts of the window frame, draping down the sides to create an heavenly atmosphere. Your room was comfortable to him and he instantly felt at home.

“It’s so peaceful here,” he lays on your bed as he turns his head to the window. “Wow, it must be so nice here, you really made this place so homely.” he smiles.

you giggle, “seems to me you’ve made yourself at home,” you say as you push his legs aside so you could sit down too. There was a brief silence as Chan turned his head to look at you with his sleepy eyes, your eyes felt as if they were bolted to him before you shook yourself back.

Chan inhales sharply. “Well I have my laptop too so we can actually be productive because trying to study in my flat is so shit,” he scoffs as he pulls his laptop out of his bag. You follow by standing up and moving to your desk, resting your knees against the desk for comfort.

He leans against the white wall whilst sitting cross legged on your bed. His eyes were fixated on his screen; he was focused and the quiet allowed him to focus. As you sit at your desk, you rummage through the last draw of your desk;

“Hey Chan, did you want a drink and some snacks, I have a few things here,” you grab a few different ones for him to choose.

Chan’s heart was warm and he felt like he met a friend just as genuine as himself, as selfless and caring as himself. It was surreal to him. Everything was starting off strong and you were grateful. Who would’ve thought that you and a mere friend would be studying together with the scintillating orb that gleaming into your bedroom. Everything just felt perfect.

–

The new year is thought to be filled with goals and ambitions that ought to be fulfilled by the end of the year. You thought it was stupid. To you, it meant more deadlines which were incredibly close together from your most difficult units. You and Chan sat at a library, he had an energy drink and you had your coffee next to your laptop, it was very clear that you both would talk all night instead of actually getting any work done. You prod Chan’s hand to attain his attention, his deep brown eyes looking up to focus on yours instead of the screen he had been staring at for the last 35 minutes;

“Chan,” you call his name in a hushed tone. He peeks above his screen and pushes one of his headphones back from his ear. “Yeah? Are you alright, do you need help with anything?” he asked, heedfully listening to what you had to say.

It had been a few months and you wondered why he spent 90% of his time with you. Was it because you were his only friend? It couldn’t be right? He’d always help you with your work and always give his notes to you and wait for you, it didn't matter where or what the weather was. You wondered for a while and thought you’d ask him the question whilst it was just you and him together so you gathered your courage to ask.

“you almost always hang out with me all the time and talk to me and share literally everything with me… why?” it almost sounded like you were putting yourself down and you had to admit a small percentage were the pure insecurities talking. Why did he even like you in the first place?

The question was striking to him. He blinked blankly at you and titled his head, scrunching his forehead as he thought about the question, his lips slightly pouted. “ No reason, I just think you’re nice to hang around, you’re a nice person,” he smiles again. That sickly sweet smile. That’s when you felt it again but this time it was different from the last. The breathlessness, the pains within your chest, the burning ears. It couldn’t be the feeling of embarrassment, it was much more than that.

“Oh right, I was just curious because you always talk to me and message me and wait for me and -” you pause for a moment to see his expression. It was a softish smile, his features so gentle; “slow down, don't worry, you’re just a really really nice person and I enjoy hanging out with you”

You nod at his response. It sounded so simple yet you felt like it had more meaning to it, like an iceberg. You remained silent after his response attempting to process what you were feeling.

“now let's get some work done, we are not good study buddies!” He prods the surface of your hand before your fingers close inwards instinctively.

Your cheeks burn a crimson along with the tips of your ears, panic settling in for no reason. “O-oh um i’ll be back, i’m just going to the bathroom,” you point, nervously breathy laugh escapes your lips before you push the chair back and speed walk to the nearest bathroom.

Your hand lingered over your chest, your forehead forming tiny specks of sweat that would race down your face. This was abnormal. Your heart felt like a rock anchoring you down but you had to compose yourself. you didn't want chan to feel like he was a problem because he really wasn't. He was nothing but sweet and selfless. You inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly and gathered your emotions and walked back out. You hoped Chan didn’t think you left upset or worse, abandoned him.

You walk back to the corner you were both sitting in, your legs feeling like jelly, and sit yourself down in front of him. His thick lips were pouty and a rosy hue, his hair was messy from ruffling it and his eyes were droopy as if he were to drift away whilst he looks down at his notes, hand on head, processing what he wrote but he seemed so gentle at this moment, like a sleepy puppy. Your fingers twitch to move his stray hairs away from his face before his eyes glance at you and you retrieve your fingers. “are you alright? you went away for a while?” He asks with a concerned tone.

“oh dont worry I just felt a bit sick,”

“sick! we should get you home!” he sits up alert.

“Wait, no! not sick… I think I'm just tired. It’s fine Chan don't worry,” you tut, clearing your throat as you sit up straight adjusting your posture.

“we’ll go in an hour from now,”

The remaining time there was awkward yet spending your time with him was enjoyable as if you didn't want that moment to end at all.

–

You were desk bound again because of your assignment deadlines that were close. You rest your elbow on your desk, leaning your head onto your hand as you fidget with a pen tapping it onto the desk. You contemplated the things that happened over the last few weeks for a while. The bedroom was silent, the ticking of the clock getting quieter as your clamorous thoughts engulfed you in that moment. You could hear your heart thumping out of your chest, the sudden feeling of pins and needles in your right leg from the lack of movement. You were overthinking again. The phone pings and the blue screen beams back at you alerting you of a new notification. Could it be the email from your professor or was it him?

Chris: Hey, you haven’t messaged me when you went home, is everything okay? Are you feeling better?

You breathed deeply, your fingers grasping the phone until the little line pops up and starts blinking.

blink

You carefully thought about your response. it shouldn't be too painstakingly cringe, or serious or blunt. Just the regular you. Although you were too aware of your behaviour for you to be somewhat normal.

You: Hey, i’m okay. i think i’m overworking a lot and my head started to hurt don’t worry about me

Chris: Oh okay, just don’t overwork yourself. I can hand you some of my notes if that helps and you can copy them?

Chris: And don't say no because I know you would :/

he read you like an open book, welp.

–

As time went by, your relationship with him was flourishing like a blossom tree on a spring day. Every moment was something new with your new friend and it was enjoyable to be with him. You went out with him, he came over to visit, you spent your breaks with him and he obviously helped you with note-taking. He made sure you were walking away from the road which caught you off guard, his hands gently settling on your shoulders and carefully moving you aside. He drapes his arm over your shoulders as you walk towards your accommodation; It was only then, when you and Chan were walking back where you really felt something and you realised what it was this whole time, it was like a final awakening and you accepted what this feeling was. You really did like Chan. It wasn’t the typical ‘i like him’, it was a burning passion, a longing for someone so kind and selfless like him, someone who understood you through your highs and lows. Chan was everything you wanted in a person yet you forced yourself to believe it was an unrealistic standard and went along with it. Your heart thumped through your best. You could feel your ears redden from the nerves and coyness.

–

The door to your room slammed against the wooden door frame that had only recently been replaced. Chan crashed onto your bed, his face buried amongst your plushies and pillows, his black cap beside him letting his chestnut locks sit against your ivory pillows. The sun rays beamed in through the blinds that were open enough to let a few rays illuminate your small bedroom. It was getting dark soon. You set your bag on the tan wooden floor although before you could sit on your bed, you had to change. “Chan, I'm just going to change real quick, you can play whatever you want on my laptop,” you point at your laptop as you open the door to the bathroom. You needed some time to get yourself together. You and Chan are just friends. Chan leaned back into your bedding, he felt at ease when he was at your place.

It darkened outside, the resplendent sunset disappearing over the horizon allowing the scintillating stars to adorn the stygian night sky. After you put your things away and hung up your bag behind the door, you jumped into your bed crossing your legs and leaning back into all your plushies and pillows. Chan was closest to the wall, leaning his head against it in a torpid state.

“are you alright?” you prod his shoulder, his head whipping to face you. His resting face was extremely pouty and his eyes seemed droopy from being exhausted. Almost always, Chan seemed sleepy with you but little did you know he was comfortable enough to be in a vulnerable state around you.

“oh yeah, I’m okay don’t worry about it!” He tried to sound somewhat energetic.

You and Chan talked, ate some snacks, talked again and watched a show together before it got too late. Chan teased every now and then by taking something of yours and holding it back, annoying you slightly; “Come on Chan give me my phone back!” you whine

Chan laughs “it’s kinda cute when you’re annoyed,” he says returning your phone.

What did he say?

You and Chan peacefully sit together again, only millimetres apart from each other, the tension in the room rising by the second until Chan sighs deeply.

“oh wow it’s already 12:30!” he leaps out of your bed. “I have to go, I have a meeting with the director of our year tomorrow at 9am”

“oh! i’m so sorry for keeping you for so long, i’ll walk you out,” you hastily lurch out, finding your slippers and a zip up hoodie to keep you covered and warm.

Chan’s smile was only on one side of his face, one of those smiles that you give (or get) when you are appreciative. “Thank you,” his voice was hushed but to you it sounded relaxing. You didn’t want him to leave.

You wave to him as he walks down the tenebrous street alone with his hood up.He exhaled in relief. He felt nervous, bothersome even, causing him to want to tear his hair out. Of course, these were destructive thoughts however they were one of many. He aggressively slapped his cheeks as he tried to shake himself back to what he thought was reality.

You tap away at your phone to message Chan despite him only just leaving. You couldn’t get enough.

YOU: let me know when you get some, it’s really late and dark

CHAN: I will <3

You stare at your phone with your mouth slightly parted. Do guys send hearts like this to anyone? It was too late at night to even ponder about it so you buried your face into your heap of pillows and plushie although something was different. Chan’s scent lingered. A mixture of sandalwood with hints of rose, you didn’t want to get up and stayed laid down on your bed, your cheek pressed against the pillow Chan was laying on as you held your phone on the lowest brightness waiting for him to reply.

Your eyes begin to droop, becoming heavy like rocks were tied to your eyelids before everything went dark. Your phone remained in your hands.

–

Sun rays greeted you as they slipped through the tiny gaps in the blinds gradually awakening you. A small groan passes your lips as you hear the birds chirping to one another, singing their morning song. Your hands pat your mattress in search of your phone; 7:56AM. You could’ve sworn you were waiting for a text from Chan! You shoot up awake, panic stricken, and jumped up from your bed frantically to unlock your phone. There was no message from Chan and you began to get worried, why did you fall asleep without checking if he got home safe! What if he got ambushed or hurt? Thoughts flooded your head until it began to overflow. Your fingertips pushed the hair out of your face despite stubborn strands falling back as you paced the room.

You pause as you see the ‘typing…’ pop up on your chat with him and relief hits you instantly. You

CHAN: Hey, sorry for not messaging you. I got home within an hour of leaving yours and fell asleep really quickly. I can imagine how worried you must be. let's meet on campus? sorry …

He finally responded at 8:10AM. Your anxiety evaporated and you brushed it off for now and calmed yourself down.

However Chan didn't get home within the hour of departing from your home. He took a detour to a small convenience store to buy a simple iced tea and took a stroll down a bridge. He thought to himself, a lot. There are many things a person could think about when it comes to understanding a relationship, whether that may be platonic or romantic. It was a topic that was sensitive to him due to whatever happened in his dismal past thus choosing to ignore it and start afresh. He knew he was insecure and worried of losing your trust or that he might do something to upset you resulting in you not liking him. He felt on edge most of the time though he tried to push it to the side because he knew you were nothing but caring to him although he was worried that he wasn’t up to your expectations. It was a constant battle with himself and he didn't know how to deal with it. He walked the rest of his way home, exhausting himself as you rested peacefully. That's all that mattered to him. Chan is a person that thinks about his actions and the consequences to an extent that is damaging. He is incredibly fearful of doing things wrong or hurting people which explains why he chooses to not have many people in his circle unlike yourself as you rely on your wonderful friends. He couldn't tell exactly what he felt and how to put it into place, so he thought and thought over and over again until it was painful to even think again.

Chan lay in his bed with his towel dried hair and sighed at the ceiling. “leave it until tomorrow,” he said to himself. He unlocked his phone to message you but before he could tap a few letters into the keyboard, he curled up in his bed drifting soundly to sleep.

–

During the first period class, as the lecturer presented the class, Chan nudged you to grasp your attention. Your head turned first and your eyes followed; he seemed a little different today his curls were messier and his cheeks were rosier. You didn't know if your feelings were just making you hallucinate.

“what?” you whispered in a hushed tone.

“ I got you this,” Chan hands you under the theatre room desk. It was your favourite drink from the store you always go to with him, it was surprising he even remembered.

Your demeanour changes. You were excited over such a small thing that he remembered that it made your heart skip a beat.

“What are you going to do now?” Chan asked as you both walked side by side to leave the room.

“I’m not too sure to be honest, is there anything you wanted to do?” you ask him.

Chan thought for a moment. “Have you started the assignment yet? could we start it together?” he did and said anything to spend more time with you.

“you’re eager aren’t you,” you giggle, your cheeks blushing a roseate hue. He couldn’t say how much he wanted to be in your company so these excuses will have to do.

It was always assignments that got you and Chan to be together otherwise there would be no excuse for you guys to hang out. You weren't the most straight forward person and nor was he so beating around the bush was something you both had turns out which began to get frustrating. You and Chan sat next to each other at a table as you assisted each other with the assignment. He had an endearing habit of chewing the top of his pen when he was focused planning and to him, it was endearing that you would do piano taps on the table to keep focused. He made sure he was close to you, shoulders touching, knees touching under the table and faces a couple inches apart. You had to contain yourself, so you started biting your lips due to your nerves. Thoughts raced through your head as you gazed at Chan focused staring back at his notebook. You turned back and felt his knee touch yours, causing you to move your knees together tightly so they didn't hit him again. His company was pleasant.

After an hour or so, you tapped the back of Chan’s hand -

“what’s up?” his face was close to yours and you felt like you could just kiss him right now but you couldn't let your impulsive thoughts take over. You gulp as your eyes trail from his lips back to his hazel brown eyes.

“should we perhaps go now? we’ve been here for a while” you gulp as you try to maintain eye contact with him though the nerves began to creep up slowly but steadily.

“If you want to, let's go,” he closes his notebook and laptop. “do you want to see the sunset with me today, only if you want to of course I understand if you have other things to do,” he scratches the back of his head and lets out a slight nervous chuckle.

Your heart was beating out of its chest that it felt painful but you didnt turn down his invitation. He made a bold move and this was clearly a date! you were relieved that he could ask you out for something other than writing an essay…

“ Of course, that sounds really nice! I’ll go home and get changed and I'll meet you,” you tell him sweetly.

“i’ll come to yours and we can go together,” he smiles as he rests a hand on the side of your arm. Chan actually meant ‘let's go on a date and watch the sunset, i’ll pick you up’ but he didn't try to coerce you into something you didn't want such as going on a ‘date’.

–

You got ready and changed into something a little warmer. You checked your phone and instantly saw Chan’s name on the screen meaning he was waiting for you downstairs. Your hair was tied up today, a long, tan coat draping down your body. You and Chan walk side by side talking about all the intricacies of the world. Just you and him under a setting sun and the potential sight of the moon. Chan took you to a secluded area away where there was a perfect view of the sunset. “this is where I come sometimes when I need a break from everything,” he says as he sits down on the sand, looking out to the sunset looking over the ocean. It was like a small cove looking area that was separated away from the main beach.

The sound of the ocean crashing onto the warm beige sands; the beach was imbued with such serenity within that moment in time. It was later during the evening so people had gone home and it was just you and Chan. The gentle breeze misplaced a strand of your hair sticking to your lips until you felt a finger brush against it attempting to move it away. Within that moment, your eyes locked with his and for a moment you felt the world stop. The waves stopped crashing against the shore and the wind stopped, although that’s what you thought. You could tell from the way he looked at you something in him changed.

“Too close?” his dimples deepen as he smiles at you shyly.

Your cheeks were now visibly red from being incredibly flustered. “o-oh no! no, don't worry” you clear your throat as he continues to smile, furrowing his brows as he gazes endearingly at you.

You and Chan spoke about a plethora of things from dreams and ambitions to your childhood unlocking deep aspects that you haven't told anyone. You felt like it was safe with him, he felt safe to be around. This felt more like a date than hanging out but ‘date’ was never uttered so you thought to keep that idea to yourself except, Chan thought the exact same thing.

–

As you and Chan walk side by side down the promenade, his fingers twitch as you admire the view to your right. He gulped hard before clearing his throat before his fingers slipped between your fingers attaining your attention as you turned your head around instantly. Your cheeks flood a pink, then a red and your eyes widen as if you saw a ghost, turning pale; his fingers tightened and grasped your hand. Your mouth was agape, eyes doe eyed facing Chan as he simply smiled with red ears. He was just as nervous.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he gulps.

You process it for a moment. He’s holding my hand. Chan is holding my hand. He likes me. He actually likes me back. you stop for a moment and you move your hand away from his, now facing him.

“I really like you, I hope it’s not something that would push us apart because I know we’re good friends too and I want us to stay as good friends bu-” You cut Chan off his nervous rambling by laying a soft kiss on his pouty lips. He paused for a moment before he pulled you in and returned the favour. A million fireworks and an army of butterflies set off whilst a heavy weight from your shoulders ascended. Chan moved back slightly, the winsome sparkle in his eyes clasping your heart as his flushed cheeks were a soft rosy pink, you couldn't help but examine his face again and again. Although, to Chan, you were just as entrancing as if you were an angel set free to roam earth. Every inch of you, to him, was like fine china; so dainty and delicate and he knew he wanted nothing but for you to be happy and safe. Anything he did was for you.

From that day, the rose tinted glasses veiled the naive eyes of two new lovers.

Although, it wasn’t official as one would say. Feelings were mutual although there was no step further into the relationship. It was confusing but you knew he liked you back but you waited for the right moment and the right time.

–

You were on campus using the library for some study time since you had some exams approaching. Chan had a meeting prior to meeting you to study as you alway do although this time he was a little later than usual:

You: hey where are you? It's been over an hour. Should I meet you elsewhere?

You: I feel stupid sitting here alone :/

typing..

Chris Bang: Hey, I'm so sorry. The meeting went over a bit today but if you want we can go and study somewhere else instead of the library.

Chris Bang: the librarian is a bit moody sometimes and doesn't like it when we talk

You: Where were you thinking?

Chris Bang: how about at a coffee shop together, you like coffee right?

You: but you don't! it’s unfair on you

Chris Bang: I’ll get something else dont worry <3

The stupid heart again. Your heart fluttered and melted within seconds of reading his selfless messages. You wondered to yourself if he was truly human because of his genuine kindness and selflessness. You closed your notebook and laptop and slid them into your grey, leather tote that you decorated with keychains that he gifted to you for no reason. One was a pearly keychain with a white, clear puppy charm attached to one side; you saw it when you visited a store together and he instantly bought it for you. However, you were the same when it came to love languages. You bought him a necklace with a tiny bear charm in the centre because he knew how much you loved them so it felt like having you with him all the time. The sentimental gifts were one way to keep a part of him with you and vice versa. You got up from the booth you were sitting at and realised you dropped something. You crouched to grab it from under the table before knocking your head from underneath. You bit your lip to stop any noise leaving your mouth but the back of your head thumped from the collison.

“hey hey, are you alright?” you hear a concerned voice from behind and as your teary eyes meet Chan’s worried face, you feel at ease.

you nod, despite the back of your head hurting slightly. “Let's go before you get hurt again,” he whispered as his hand hovered, waiting for you to grab it. As you stood up, he gently ruffled your hair to tease you a little bit before you winced at him, swatting his hand away. He found it endearing but he knew you didn’t like it all the time so he kept it to a minimum.

Everything felt too good to be true.

–

The weather began to get colder considering it was around mid November now. You could barely comprehend that summer went by so fast and it pained you to reminisce about it because of how amazing Chan made it for you - not that it usually isn’t but you get the idea. The icy air brushed the tip of your rosy red nose as your hands shovelled deeper into your coat pocket attempting to accumulate some warmth. You glanced to your right to see Chan with his hood over his head, his side profile peering from it. Your sharp inhale caught his attention as he turned his head to you slightly; “you alright?” he asks as he offers his gloves to you from his pocket without a second thought, it’s like he prepared himself.

you nod, “yeah, it’s just really cold and i’m so smart, I didn't bring a scarf with me,” you scoff at yourself.

“hm, maybe you should organise yourself a little more, good thing i’m pretty organised” his honey-like voice distracts you from the fact he removed his scarf from his neck and wrapped it around yours.

“ Wait, stand still for me,” he asks as he carefully secures it, the gentleness causing a tornado to whirl in your stomach. You were bewitched by Chan and his ascendant nature since he wasn’t worried about taking bold steps. You felt comfortable enough around him although your fervid feelings made you feel agitated at times.

You felt agitated because you knew you weren't just friends but you werent dating either so it was confusing. The anxiety consumed you from the inside out even though you knew what he saw you as.

–

The reason Chan kept it this way was simply because he was afraid of commitment and afraid that he would end up alone again. It was his fate to be left isolated from the world and he couldn't help but challenge it. He wanted to make sure that things would go smoothly and that his intrusive thoughts didn't get to him although it was a constant battle against him and himself, attempting to fight for something he really wanted.

–

His scent lingers on his scarf; A light lemon scent combined with a hint of apple, but the slightly sour green kind, with a sprinkle of spice and slight mintiness. During your daze, you and Chan end up at a coffee shop where he leads the way to a sequestered spot near the back of the cafe. “This is my favourite seat,” he says as he places his bag down along with his jacket. Your bag rests against the wooden panelled wall, painted a light beige tone as Chan turns to go to the counter.

“wait, wait for me!” you leave your things and your jacket at the booth.

“hey, it’s fine, I can get the things you si-”

“nono, let me come with you,” you insisted.

Chan’s heart set free butterflies swarming his stomach when you insisted on joining him. It always happened whenever you would stand by him, brush fingertips on accident, the gentle nudge whenever you look over to his notes or whenever he’s showing you something, whenever he accidentally bumps into you when you suddenly stop walking - a habit of yours you never knew you had. It was the small things that made his heart ache, his stomach flutter and his cheeks burn up by his nerves. You had an impact on him and yet you were left unaware of it.

You and Chan stood side by side waiting to order at the counter. You scan the comprehensive menu that had a million different combinations - maybe a million was an exaggeration. You couldn’t decide between a coffee or a cold pressed juice or perhaps a smoothie? The choices you had were almost impossible to choose from until you turned to Chan to ask for his opinion.

“hey Chan,” you tug at his sleeve, his cheeks blazing red.

“u-uh yeah,” he turns to you, gulping hard.

“Firstly, are you okay, you look really hot?” The choice of words were interesting but you went with it.

“oh yeah, i’m fine! i think the heating in here is on full,” he chuckles nervously.

“ohh yeah, I suppose it is. I was meant to ask, what are you getting?” you point at the menu.

Chan takes a moment to decide. “What do you want?” he asks

“I don't know, that’s why I'm asking you?” You prod his arm.

“oh well choose 2 things,” he says calmly.

“umm I liked the hazelnut latte and the green apple and berry smoothie,” you carefully read the menu.

“Then we’ll get those!” he decides before going to the counter to order without telling you what he wanted. He ordered both the things you wanted and you were left speechless, why was he like this.

During that evening, you both worked on things you had to do for your assignments while sipping on your drinks. “Can I try the smoothie?” you ask Chan. He nods and pushes the tall glass to you. You share the same straw as him, sipping the smoothie; “mm I made a good choice this is really good!” you return the glass with a ring of your lip gloss around the straw. Chan didn’t care. His lips place itself on the straw from where you drank, the rush of nerves and butterflies swarming through his body. To him, you were angelic; the way you spoke to him in a soft tone, whenever you found something funny and gently pushed him or hit his arm he found it extremely endearing. Whenever your head was absorbed into your textbooks or study or the habit you had of having your forehead creased as if you were angry was endearing to him and the way you’d chew the inside of your cheek and had to remind you to stop. All the small things made his heart flutter

–

You and Chan left the café at closing time after spending 90% of the time talking about something unrelated to the topic you were writing about, laughing with him and exchanging looks full of adoration. You never felt happier. You walked together, endlessly talking about a myriad of random things that seemed to be engaging for both you and Chan. It was the small acts of service that would send you into a daze like pulling you in front of him when careless people run by or when your earring got stuck onto his bracelet when he tried to take a leaf out of your hair but was gentle with you. It was the small things you loved so much, your heart physically couldn't take it.

–

As hours passed, the clouds began to appear, heavy, ready to set the torrential rain charging down to brawl with the concrete and leaves.

“It’s about to give us a rainstorm…” Chan sighs as he looks up before the heavy raindrops descend from the sky. You squeal at the cold drops of water gradually drenching you before you reach out to grab Chan’s hand. Who knew it would rain the day you forgot to bring your umbrella…

“I think we should go home,” you say as you hold his hand to guide him back to your place in the torrential rain. It was rather sweet how during the whole route home, Chan held his jacket over you to try and keep you as dry as possible although it was no use. The rain pounded the ground in rage as the wind roared fiercely; it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

–

The doors to your flat open up and the warmth collides with you like two elements combining; like fire and water. Luckily your accommodation complex was always warm during the winter time. Your hair was dripping in water as well as Chan’s hair too; “oh no, everything is drenched!” You gasp at his hoodie that felt like a soaked sponge, the palms of your hands pressing against his chest examining the saturated attire.

His hands gently wrap around the wrists moving them down, away from the hoodie with a smile full of endearment; “It’ll dry up soon, don't worry,” he smiles. Even though you both were stuck in bad weather, he managed to make you feel safe and happy first.

<< For Chan, it was the lack of safety he had that made him so unbearingly cautious of you and your safety. He wanted to make sure you were safe and happy with him, it was the least he could do by giving, if he couldn’t receive it in the first place >>

There was an odd feeling in your stomach that evening, something felt like it had shifted and was ought to happen although you brushed it off. It was a typical thing for you to feel when you and Chan were alone together. You felt sorry for him for having to hang out with someone who did the same thing day after day, you felt sorry you didn’t make things interesting despite trying but he didn't seem to mind. He seemed to always be immersed into anything and everything you had to say, do, or show. But why did he keep things as ‘just friends’?

–

It was late. You and Chan hadn’t stayed out for this long since you met and it felt somewhat rebellious, not to anyone in particular but mostly to yourself. It felt like Chan would whisk you away to somewhere so far away, where it would only be you and him. Nothing else in the world would compare to that. You tapped in your keycard to get into your building, Chan closely walking behind you; The sliding doors closed behind you, your footsteps resounding in the hallway as you walked towards the elevator. Your fingers itched but you clenched them tightly, digging your nails into your palms; glancing over to your side, you see Chan with his gentle smile as he tugs at the strings on his drenched hoodie. You press the button. No one was around, not a single student in the building was walking around at this time, considering it was 4:10AM. You press the up button to the elevator and wait for it to descend to the ground floor. “Thank you for tonight, this was the most fun I have ever had,” your voice was hushed and soft only for him to hear. Chan lowered himself to your face; “Thank you for giving me your time and allowing me to take you out for this long” the huskiness was soft and gentle, especially when he was speaking in a softer tone. You both stepped into the elevator and pressed the 6th floor since that was the floor your room was. Once the doors close, you turn to look at Chan; you both exchange a few looks. The energy was tense and you felt like something would happen and it did to your surprise. Chan’s palms cup your jaw as his lips press firmly against yours. It felt desperate, as if he had been holding back for a long time. Your cheeks burn up, your heart races and your forehead forms beads of sweat from the sudden surge of emotions. You froze, not in fear, but in shock. You didn’t know what to do and quite frankly, there was a lot but instead you leaned your body against the metallic wall of the elevator, your hands clenched towards your chest and eyes closed tightly. A million thoughts in a millisecond hasten intensifying your anxiety about everything within that moment. To him, it seemed like it didn’t matter; He parted away from you and let you open your eyes to comprehend what he did. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to shock you like that I just–” he sounded regretful, gulping so harshly as you watched his throat, your eyes gazing back up at him again.

“it’s fine,” you mumbled, trying to gather your thoughts, attempting to fathom his actions.Though from that moment, it did feel a little awkward and your response was worse than anything else you could have said.

You got to your floor and opened your room with your keycard taking off your jacket and throwing it onto the floor because it was still wet, pulling your hair tie out from your hair to let it down. You turn around to Chan who hung his head low, chewing his inner cheek, his solemn expression making his aura grey and dismal.

You clear your throat and take a step towards him.

“You can try again,” you whisper to him, “but please take your wet hoodie off,” You giggle. Chan’s face changes from a sad frown to a confused expression although his face also had relief written all over it. His eyes shot up in confusion and disbelief. “Wait, you didn't mind? you’re not mad?” the franticness of his tone causing Chan to stutter.. you shook your head.

And so, he slipped his hoodie off his body. “Seems like this is wet too…” he tugs at his t-shirt, the mischievous character slipping out within this moment as he starts becoming comfortable.

Without words being exchanged, without any more time being wasted Chan was cupping your face as his lips collided onto yours. The desperation in his bearing conveying to you everything he wanted. His lips brushed against yours like an ocean on an empty shoreline, like the universe paired you guys together like the ocean and the shore, like the moon and the sun; you both already knew you couldn’t live without each other. Chan inches closer to the edge of your bed. You melted into him, the way his lips would trail from your wet lips down to your jaw, to your neck and back to your lips again. You hesitated for a moment as your fingertips hooked under hist-shirt, halting Chan briefly before he eagerly pulled it over his head, casting it to the floor without a care. Living with this hellish anxiety about Chan seemed to dissipate as if he were a celestial being. It felt like you were living in hell with heaven right by your side. Chan’s teeth nip the tender skin on your neck, your gasp alerting him. “are you okay with this?” He asks with a worrisome tone in his voice. You nod your head, your fingers entangled between his locks, your fingertips grazing over his cheeks and lips ever so lightly. He left more kisses, whilst you placed your hands under his shirt holding him closer to you. One thing led to another as impulsive decisions were made between the two but you didn't care. You liked him a lot to the point you would definitely call it love. He loved you more than anything. The intimacy between you and Chan was all that mattered, you wanted nothing more than that.

Chirping birds sang their song at the break of dawn, the gentle sun peeking through the gaps of your blinds. Slowly, you open your eyes to see Chan on the other side of your once vacant bed. His messy locks lay across your pillow before he turns to face you again still soundly asleep and resting. His fingers twitched in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing as though he saw something unsettling or fearsome. He did it again, his lips frowning in his sleep, was he having a nightmare or bad dream of some sort? You shuffled closer to him, wanting his arms to go around you again and within that instance, his arms held you close. It was a tight grasp however considering his dream, you were someone he needed then.

–

A few months went by labelless again. You and Chan did ‘couple’ things without the official title and you didn’t know why yet you didn't want to instigate a conversation about it in case it caused any problems which you strongly doubted.

You, Chan and your other friends met up again one evening at Yeji and Hyunjin’s house for a gathering the Hwangs organised since it had been a while they invited you around.

“Wow, it’s changed so much since we were kids!” you point at the new decor and wallpaper.

“I remember how we used to joke about pushing you down the stairs,” Han laughs and nudges you. “ah yes how could I forget, YOU were throwing a tantrum because you wanted something from Hyunjin’s room and he said no so that was your first instinct!” you nudge back. Reminiscing about your past with them felt as if you were reliving your past; you turned to Chan and he seemed reserved, sitting on the couch next to you his head hanging low. You duck under to peer at him though his woeful expression worried you slightly. You poke his shoulder and inaudibly mouth ‘are you okay?’. He returns a simple nod.

You and Han teased each other, as best friends do, although Chan felt quite protective of you at that moment and put his arm around you pulling you towards him. It definitely isn't malicious at all although you felt like the others were gawking at you right now.

Yeji leans over and whispers to your ear; “since when?” although you hush her by putting your index finger on your lips.

–

The beaming pearly moon shone over you and Chan as you both walked side by side, hand in hand. “You know, the moon is so pretty isn’t it?” you stop for a moment, admiring the floating orb.

“It really is..” Chan says softly as he gazes lovingly at you. His heart began thumping aggressively out of his chest, his throat becoming dry from being so flustered. You turn to him, your sweet smile releasing an explosion of confetti in his stomach. He couldn't help but smile. He inched closer, only a couple centimetres from your face before setting a soft, gentle kiss on your lips.

Everything felt perfect ~

The following few months stayed the same, just you and Chan visiting each other everyday. He visited your apartment so often, it was as if he lived there. You had so much planned for the future with Chan it was like the universe gifted you a blessing in disguise. Though something so beautiful blossomed, there was a pit in Chan’s stomach he couldn’t get rid of.

Self hatred,regret, insecurity, anxiety. The whole lot came crashing down, ruining his parade of emotions he had been enduring over the last few months. He tried to fight it and ward it off like an evil spirit but it came back, again and again. He didn’t know why he felt so much hate towards himself, constantly beating himself down to the ground when he knew he didn’t do anything wrong. It was all tough up until he had the opportunity to forget everything when he was with you, leaving any self destructive behaviour behind. He felt like he was back on track. His past was something you were unaware of since he kept it hidden and locked away, confined to the depths of his mind. He didn’t know whether he could be there for you all the time not because he didn’t love and care, but because he was so unsure about himself and whether he could handle the tragic effects of his unknown past. He didn’t tell you because he was afraid you’d leave and that would destroy him, being the reason for his demise.

But it takes courage.

Chan stares at his ceiling wondering what to do after seeing you so happy, patiently waiting for an answer that he knew you were waiting for despite not asking him. He pondered how to approach what he wanted to say; over text? too cruel. Over the phone? too cold and heated. Not at all? definitely a devilish thing to do. He knew what he had to do whilst feeling an excruciating tension in his chest whilst thinking about it. He fiddles with the necklace you bought him and reflected on the time he spent with you. The experiences he fulfilled with you. The things he took from you and couldn’t give back in case you regretted everything you did with him. He knew he was building up his walls again due to his past and the corruption that he, himself, endured.

You got a call from Chan on a random evening.You remembered the date clearly.. The blinds were slightly open as the breeze meandered through the slits into your bedroom circulating the small interior. You stood in the middle of your bedroom, with a smile on your face, since Chan called you. Hearing his voice was like medicine to you, it made you feel happier whenever you had a bad day or something of the sort. You tapped the green answer button and raised the phone to your ear as you continued to tidy your bedroom. Your cheeks ached from smiling so much since you missed him every second of every day.

Except, something wasn't right… Your stomach twisted into a knot.

Chan’s voice wasn't elated as it usually is. He didn’t sound happy or sad or excited or anything. He sounded serious, which wasn't like him at all. You clear your throat;

“Hey, are you alright Chan? Are you sick?” you ask him worried if he needed your help.

“hey, no i’m fine..” he pauses, “well kind of i don't know.. I wanted to ask if we could meet?” He asks.

“Of course Chan, i’ve just cleaned my apartment, did you want to come over? you suggested sounding rather fretful.

Chan thought for a while, this was a very important decision. “I can meet you at your place,” he said with slight hesitation.

Chan had been in a situation that had made him feel like he was a burden to anyone that he came into contact with. Despite his overwhelming, undying love for you he felt like it was too much for him to bear. Not you; the idea of eventually disappointing you with the possibility of you leaving him, loathing him, resenting him because of him. Of course he trusted you so much, he could trust you with his life however there was a feeling of guilt, worry, and an amalgamation of other things fused into one emotion. He didn’t want to hurt you and make you feel any bitterness towards him since he knew how much you loved him. He sat in his bedroom a few minutes before the phone call to you wondering what to say and how to say it but it was better said in person. He didn't want you to waste your time on someone that was seen as unreliable except no one understood his feelings like you did. That was the problem. You understood yet he refused to believe there was someone who did, someone made for him, someone who was tied to him with the string of fate. He ignored everything and went with what he thought was right; Sometimes following the heart is better than your mind..

‘You didn't do anything wrong’ that's all he wanted to tell you but it would sound like excuses. Chan was too close with chaos to the point where fear and chaos resided comfortably in his head slowly eating at his fragmented mind. He felt like he entered an eternal darkness that was difficult to escape, he was truly trapped now.

–

Chan sat next to you, your eyes glinting in the winter sunlight that broke through the blinds. You sat against your headboard smiling at Chan with deep admiration, just as you would usually when you were with him. He gulped before he spoke. “So…” he began with a hefty sigh, “ I don’t think we should become anything more than friends,” he sets it straight and clear slightly choking up on his words.. You stare at him with a blank expression your smile immediately fading to nothing, the words you wanted to say were getting stuck in your throat. It was painful. You wanted to say so much, so many questions yet not one came out and all you could do is stare at him. “I understand if there isn't much to say and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or lead you on and I know we did things you’ll regret and I took things from you I cannot return…,” he explains, his voice cracking at every moment he felt his heart break. “I understand if you don't want to see me again or hate me but you are so amazing, someone else would do a better job at being good to you,” he spewed absurd words at you that spiralled into your head and made you feel faint and overwhelmed but you listened because you really cared about him.

“you were nothing but amazing and I want you to know that you have done nothing for me to make this decision,” he said. “I don’t think, right now, I’m in the right state to be there for you, to protect you and to love you in the right way. I dont think I’m simply fit enough to be someone that you can be in love with.”

– “I don’t think i’m good enough for you and for whatever reason, I cannot tell you why…”

– “ For you, someday, … I wish I could give you all my love to you but I can’t help the way I feel and it hurts just as much it hurts you.”

He rambles. He lets himself say everything he felt explaining himself from start to finish. You filled your lungs with air and inhaled sharply before deciding to respond to Chan. “I understand,” you say. Nothing more, nothing less. You watched his expression change from somewhat fine to teary-eyed before he snapped and released a waterfall of tears.

“Please understand that everything I did and I said, I meant with my whole heart and I wouldn't change a single thing I endured with you,” he swallowed his words struggling to speak as his tears overthrew him. “you deserve so much more than this.”

“I understand you Chan, please don’t be upset,” you hold yourself back from exploding into tears, your heart cracking every millisecond. You have never, not once, seen Chan in such a vulnerable state, sobbing, eyes puffy and red. “Don’t cry or be upset,” you try to comfort him, brushing his cheeks dry, even though in that moment your heart was shattering into a million pieces, your soul was crushed and everything you ever feared arose from the dead. Your stomach knotted and your throat tightened making it harder for you to share your feelings but all you could do is force him a broken smile.

Chan stood up, drying his eyes and clearing his throat. “We can stay as friends and eventually we’ll be okay, right?” he puts his hands on your shoulders, gazing into your eyes that were already pooling at the sight of him. You nod without a second thought. This was a complicated relationship from the start but you couldn’t blame him. You wanted to kiss him but you couldn’t. He wanted to kiss you but he just explained why he couldn't be with you putting you both in a vulnerable state. Chan didn’t want to give you false hope but he couldn't help it so he pulled you close cupping one side of your tear-stained cheek setting a passionate, hard kiss onto your lips. You melted into him, fusing your fragmented heart with his as your eyes let the teardrops run down your cheek. This wasn’t a goodbye, yet it felt like it since the dynamic of you and Chan has completely changed now. You didn’t blame him, you never would. Once he parted away from you, drying your tears from your face, he took a step back and brushed his hands down his face and took a deep breath; “I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have continued to give you false hope…you shouldn’t have felt anything for me…i’m so sorry”

You shake your head, tears streaming uncontrollably down your cheeks.

“If you don’t feel comfortable at any point of us being friends, let me know okay?” He still cared about you so you wondered how it would all go from now on. “i’ll see you soon…” he tries to break a smile from under all the sorrow. You nod.

The door closes. As it does, you stand against it before sliding down with your hands in your palms sobbing by yourself, your heart aching from the heartbreak you were suffering. You sobbed to yourself for a while until you felt numb. As Chan gets home, he sits on the edge of his bed feeling parts of his heart empty and void. What has he done? He blames himself for hurting you, for being an awful friend, for being an awful person. He hated what he just created, he felt as though he should’ve kept quiet. All he wanted was for you to be happy although he ruined it even more.He grips onto his hair tightly as he lets himself loose, sobbing to himself on the floor. He needed something more to distract but there was nothing. He takes the sleeve of his hoodie to dry his face before lying on his back staring at his ceiling for hours on end.

You both looked at your phones to message each other but it didn’t feel right.

1:23 AM you sit on your bed squeezing a plushie for comfort as you surveyed the luminous, consoling orb that is situated in the centre of the sky outside of your bedroom window. The luminosity comforted you as you stared at it; despite tumultuous emotions and irrepressible tears you coped, the moon felt like a friend that gave you a gentle hug. You already missed the sweetness that you once had between you and Chan, his gentle hugs especially when he nuzzled his head into the nook of your neck or when he held your hands when they were turning a crimson in the bleak winter weather. He cared a lot about you so you didn’t understand why he halted anything from becoming more. ‘we can stay as friends right’ - those words echoed in your head. You knew it would be a lot for you to overcome these feelings but would he do the same? Would it take a long time? You didn't know, although you had all these questions that were left unanswered.

Time went on.

Everything felt unfamiliar when you returned to your classes even though he sat next to you and tried to make you smile. He slid a peach tea next to you before the class started but when your eyes met it was a different story. “Thank you,” you croaked before clearing your throat. You didn't open it but you put it in your bag as you tried to hold your tears back.

“how are you today?” he asked. The audacity of Chan asking that very question when you were left in tears and pain. “fine I guess,” you lied.

“I know you’re not fine, I'm sorry…” he whispered. You wanted to disappear at that moment but you simply shrugged and brushed it off.

The same thing occurred almost everyday until you began to meet your friends more and gradually tried to ignore and get over the harsh emotions you were feeling.

You: Hey

Chan: Hi

You: how are you?

Chan: the same

Chan: you?

You: i’m okay

*you lie again*

Chan: That's good, I'm happy you’re feeling better. I’ve got a part time job for the summer.

You: oh that’s cool! i hope it goes well, all the best

He’s moving on. A part of your heart felt empty almost as if it wasn’t fully healed from everything just yet but it would be easier if he moved on first. It would hurt much less than you leaving him first but Chan thought otherwise. He didn't want to leave the feelings behind first because he fell harder than he should have. Seeing you move on, to him, hurt less since he turned you down first and he felt guilty for it as if he were a villain. There was more than one shattered heart and only one was healing.

September. Autumn.

A new season and a new academic year approaches which also means your birthday was close by. You started to go into your classes later and leave later even though he wasn't in your class anymore since he chose different units. There were very few lectures you did share with him yet he sat at the front alone and it felt awkward to sit with him when there wasn’t much conversation over summer, only a few hey’s and how are you’s. That’s what broke you ever so slightly, you were drifting apart and you could feel the bond tear.

You walk through the campus and you see him walking in the opposing direction and you pretend not to see him because you couldn't face him but he called out your name;

“hey!” he waves at you, a softish smile paints his face as his eyes sparkle as he looks at you. you remembered that smile and how he used to squeeze you tight whilst smiling like that. You stopped for a moment and blankly glared in his direction confused about what he wanted to talk about.

“Happy birthday,” he says softly. He wanted to say ‘I love you’ but he put himself in a situation where it was impossible for you to go back to those feelings when you were ready to move on. He wanted to give you a hug and tell you how much he missed you but he was far gone from the opportunity.

“thank you,” you respond. A simple thank you and a smile. What more could have been said?

You hoped to be loved by him again although it felt far from that now. Despite Chan saying it wasn’t you, it felt like it. It felt like you weren't enough, unloveable and undesirable but the moments you shared with him also proved otherwise so you were conflicted with a myriad of feelings in the moment. You just wanted him to comfort you, to love you, to be yours but none of that was plausible anymore. He’s moved on and so have you, bittersweet yet something you both could learn from; it was just an instance of being the right person at the wrong time. From being someone you thought you’d be close to forever, you both seemed to have turned into strangers instead.

You lied again, you didn’t stay as friends anymore. Time found a way to rupture the bond you had left hanging by a strong and eradicated what was left. You missed him and every moment you spent with him from start to finish and despite the harrowing emotional warfare you met along the way, you missed Chan’s sweetness. His pureness and honesty was something you appreciated since he went above and beyond to make you feel as happy as possible but one wrong idea cast the relationship into ruin.

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somanyscarsonmyskin · 10 months

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incoherent thoughts

07/07/2023

I’ve gone completely numb. Discomfort and frustration. Lonely. Still feel like a fraud. Maybe it’s all performative. It must be. Nothing that bad ever happened to me to justify such a reaction. I’m overly dramatic. Why do I feel like I need to have something wrong with me? Maybe I just want to be a special little snowflake like the rest of my generation. Numb. Everything feels flat. I wish my tummy was also flat. Restrict. Restrict. Restrict. Restrict. Don’t break the habit. I’m not even restricting enough. I just want to grab a knife and drag it through my arms and thighs. But I promised I wouldn’t, so I won’t. Or maybe I’ve become too cowardly to do it again. Maybe I was never actually brave enough. Other people’s scars look better. They last longer. There’s more of them. They go deeper. I want to be that beautiful. Beautifully sick. Sickly beautiful. Maybe I’m just going crazy. Hope my therapist doesn’t get too concerned; I’m not actually sick anyway. This must all be fake. There’s no reason for it. I’m just too high maintenance for anyone to give me enough attention. I’m just too competitive not to get on the mentally ill train with the rest of the people I know. They have actual problems though. They deserve a spot on the train. I should just be under it. Under it with all the other normies. With the neurotypicals, and the ones that didn’t have it that bad. The ones that are just overreacting to minor inconveniences. The ones that are not on meds. The ones that just have the blues sometimes. The ones that never needed to be in the hospital. Or under observation. The train is for the ones that had actually narcissistic parents, that got beaten up in school, that cut deeper, that tried to end it, that get the help when they look “off” because off for them means an actual crisis, not just looking slightly sad or distracted. It’s for the ones that actually got to that goal weight and ended up scaring everyone around them. I want to look like a ghost. I want to be repulsed by food instead of craving it so much. I want my clothes to fall off me. I want my nails to be blue, my lips dry, my jawline sharp, my hipbones to create that nice little gap between my tummy and my underwear, and my legs to not touch. I want to count my ribs without lifting my arms. I want bruises all over my body. I want. I want. I want. I’m so greedy… I’m too lazy to even have an ED. I think about running until I collapse. I never actually do it. I give in to food when it gets difficult to stay consistent. Maybe I just don’t hate myself enough. Maybe I haven’t gotten to that point yet. Definitely, I’m not sick enough. Definitely, I’m not mentally ill enough. Definitely, I’m not sick at all. For sure I’m just faking it. Otherwise, I’d just do it. I’d just fucking do it. I would have done it. I’d bear the evidence on my fucking body. My scars would be beautiful. Too deep to fade. My bones would be exposed. People would think I’m about to die of consumption like a Victorian child. I’d look ethereal. Otherworldly. I don’t want to see anyone anymore. Social interactions drain me. Even seeing L. has become too much. Taking care of D. has become too much. It’s triggering. It makes me feel invalidated. It reminds me that no one listens to my advice or anything I have to say, really. In turn, I’m draining K. myself. He gets triggered by my self-punishing behaviour, he feels like his efforts are pointless. I’m just too exhausted to keep up the good girlfriend act. My libido is the lowest it’s ever been since we got together. I used sex to punish myself today and to feel something. Anything. And I triggered him, cause he sees right through me. It's not fair to use him to hurt myself. But I can’t hurt myself in other ways. I want to smoke until my lungs burn. I want to put out each cigarette on my arm. I want to cut. I want to run until I collapse. I can’t do any of that. He would know. He would be upset. He would be disappointed and betrayed. He would feel powerless. I can’t get out of bed. I just stare at the ceiling until I fall asleep. I just want to sleep.

#apathetic #i'm not okay #depressed #depression #fraud #imposter syndrome #ed #ednos #ana #anorexia #meanspo #self hatred #self deprecation #self harm #self destruction

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years

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survey #012

“... you were the only one” ♥

In what form of communication did you last use to talk to the person you’re currently interested in? Via the Discord app. When was the last time something really cute happened to you? Oh god Girt called me an adorable petname recently in a super cute way but for some reason I don't want to share it. Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? We exclusively use Discord. But to answer the question from a general sense, we don't message 24/7. We talk a lot, but it varies day-by-day. Has anything happened to you within the past month that’s made you really happy? I'm losing a considerable amount of weight!!!! I'm speechlessly stoked about it, my loved ones have been so supportive, and I'm just THRILLED. As I'm answering this I actually recently got out of the shower and put on a slightly older pair of pjs because they'd gotten too short and tight for my liking, but now they fit mostly comfortably! My thyroid really had to have been the problem with my appetite, because now that I'm on a med for that, bam, not hungry and weight is falling. Do you want to see someone right now? It's actually pretty comical just how badly I wanna see my boyfriend, I'm just in a mood where I wanna be with him. Did a boy or girl text message you last? Nonbinary. What was the last thing you looked up on Youtube? Y'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL I've sent myself to horny jail because of Richard Kruspe, I'm exploring his band's music and the motorcycle scenes in "You Can't Run Away" give me HOT FLASHES HELP I need a BONKIN' Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? He does not. What exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated? I've never been drunk. Do you actually love your parents? I most certainly do. Have you ever thrown up from working out? No. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? I'm not sharing a drink with anyone but my boyfriend considering I mean I kiss him anyway, and yet even STILL I don't like drinking after someone else. Have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke? I feel like Hell woulda frozen over before Mom's mom ever even thought of doing so. Mom's dad certainly never did, since he died when I was a baby. I've seen my dad's parents like once, but I have no memory of them, so I was definitely too young to be hearing jokes like that. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? I want to say my younger sister? But I'm not sure. Last person to make you seriously mad? I don't know about *seriously* mad. I rarely get to that state. Who have you recently made up with after fighting? No one, really. The last person that slept in your bed gets arrested, what do you do? I'm going to assume you mean other than me for this, haha. I mean, I wouldn't be able to DO anything; it's not like I could bail him out. I'd be shocked as a motherfucker for sure, and obviously extremely disappointed unless of course it's a false charge. When was the last time you were told you were cute? Literally earlier actually, haha. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? Girt, and yes. This is so fuckin cheesy but I always tell him that's when our major height difference is THE BEST because it's CUTE how my ear is level with his chest so I can hear his heart. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? GAY RIGHTS. GAY FUCKING RIGHTS. It is APPALLING that consensual, age-appropriate love is "controversial" and considered repulsive by so many. I just cannot, and I mean cannot, understand how that person was once me. Now I'm super happily out and pan because everybody is fucking beautiful and I'm very grateful that's just how my romantic and sexual chemistry works. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? Dark, and ideally, GOTHIC. Give me leather, spikes, studs, and chains and we're *OK emoji* Do you have to take daily vitamins? I actually JUST started a daily multi-vitamin. When I saw the doctor for that sinus infection, he pointed out that he could tell through observation points that I was lacking a number of vitamins and nutrients, so ig that's why Mom bought them. Do you still wear a mask? I do. Has anyone ever stolen something valuable from you? No, not that I remember. Someone stole our basketball hoop at my childhood home, but I don't consider that "valuable." I’ve making this space for you to rant. Sometimes we all need to vent about something. UHHHH I'm not really feeling like ranting, tbh. In a p good mood. What is your religion/spirituality and why? I enjoy reading about people’s beliefs since I don’t have any. Agnostic/spiritual-ish/anti-religion. I use this phrase a lot, but I genuinely do mean I could write a doctoral college-length essay on why. I was baptized as a baby. I was brought up with the Catholic mindset meant to be my mold. I did their "rituals." I kept warping myself to fit, and I just simply never did. Saying "fuck the mold" and walking away and finding freedom and ownership of my identity will always be one of my greatest accomplishments, in my genuine opinion, and was a sense of liberation like no other. If you could live forever, would you? Hell no. Do you believe in extraterrestrials? Bro don't even TRY me with "we are the only intelligent life form in all the infinite universe," get out. Have you ever gotten injured while playing a sport? I'm certain I did as a kid. I played a good number back then. What do you think of this whole Will Smith/Oscar’s situation? Oh god that's too complicated a topic and I do not feel like getting into it. Do you think there is a possibility for a zombie apocalypse? My instinctive response is "yeah, why not?", but I'm actually quite sure I once read a scientific article on why a zombie apocalypse among humans cannot be achieved. I remember none of the theory, but I do recall there being one from a reliable source. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Girt. Have you ever seen a magic show? Yes. What is your mother’s middle name? Also Marie. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Since I've migrated out of living on my bed, I usually sit in the living room with Mom to eat. When was the last time you had your photo taken professionally? Maybe like, a week prior to Mother's Day. When is your birthday? What do you usually do to celebrate? February 5th. Me and my loved ones go out to dinner at my choice of restaurant. Have you ever forgotten your birthday or anyone else’s? Ack, one of my biggest embarrassments is that I TOTALLY fucking spaced on Sara's birthday when we were still friends. Like I knew when it was, but that day, I just. Didn't think about it. I didn't even message her that day. I don't care what I think of her now, that was being a shitty "best" friend. I also forget my dad's birthday a lot (at this very moment I don't remember the date even, lasdkjf;alkwe), like I am just so fuckin bad with numbers. Do you know anyone born on a holiday? A handful, actually. My brother's b-day is Earth Day, I have a sister born on the 4th of July, and coolest of all is I know a dude born on Halloween! Can you say happy birthday in another language? In German, the accepted/main phrase is "alles gute zum Geburtstag," which literally translates to "all good for your birthday." They have quite interesting birthday suspicions and traditions regarding wishing one a happy birthday. I am so fascinated by German culture, man. Have you ever worn a tiara or sash saying it was your birthday? Ha, I do in fact remember for my 16th birthday dinner, my then-best friend Summer tagged along and brought me a sparkly tiara that she practically forced me to wear. She's a doll. Do you have a job? I do not. Do you have a cell phone with you right now? Yep, it's playing music. Are you keeping any secrets? None of any real substance. Were you ever teased about being the “new kid”? I don't think so, no. Have you ever competed in a beauty pageant? Hell fuckin' no. Do you know sign language? Nope. Can you understand Spanish? I cannot. Do you know anybody with a really weird name? Well, I and therefore my family refer to my boyfriend as "Girt," and whenever I've shared it in place of his *actual* name, a new person will without fail ask for clarification on what I said, lmfao. A nickname like that gets ya some double-takes. Would you ever name your child after yourself? GOD absolutely not. This is just my personal opinion, but I have always seen that as appearing incredibly egotistical and even possessive. Have you ever tasted a Habanero pepper? I have. Raw. Not a pleasant experience. Do you enjoy babysitting? HELL no, the time I was practically forced to babysit my nephew because literally no one else could, I nearly had a full-on anxiety attack. Like I'm impressed I kept it together. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering, even though I get lost on the rules quite a bit. That was one of Jason's biggest hobbies so over nearly four years of dating it was kinda inevitable I eventually learned a decent amount. I adore the art more than anything. Do you own a Wii? Wii do (god I hate myself and the god that forced me here) Name one person you would die for no matter what: My mother. Just giving her one more day would be worth it (she's fine btw, I realize that sounds like she's dead lmao). Name your youngest male relative: Ryder. Would you ever dye your hair bubblegum pink? Bubblegum intensity, probably not. What’s your opinion on people wearing high heels to school? Work it queen, 'cuz I couldn't. Seriously, let people wear whatever the hell's comfortable to or confidence-building for them. What are you hungry for right now? Absolutely nothing. I barely touched my ramen dinner that I didn't want in the first place; I only heated it up because I needed something in me because I don't want that low blood sugar craziness again. I could only take a few bites regardless. When’s the last time you threw up? A number of years ago, either in 2017 (most likely) or 2018. Why did you throw up? My body was NOT okay with this mood stabilizer med I was put on that I absolutely did not stay on long because it kept making me puke a little bit after taking it with dinner. What difficulty do you play on Guitar Hero? Hard and Expert, but I'm RUSTY. Used to be almost exclusively Expert. What will you be doing tomorrow? Girt is coming OVERRRRR Do you listen to any music that doesn’t have lyrics? Not usually, but I have my soft spots for game soundtracks and some other instrumentals. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uh... I mean I guess a blood clot? Heart attack? What do you think about dating websites? Not for me, but you do you, boo. Your ex, do you still love them? I don't. God, 2016 Brittany would never, ever, believe that. We did it, kiddo. Are you two still friends? No, and I don't want to be. There are times where I wish I had tabs on how he's doing, but it really, really is for the best that we just... don't exist as even a simple social media post in each other's lives. I was toxic to him. I had an unhealthy obsession with him. What we have now, nothing, is optimal for both of our wellbeings, I'm sure. What is the best way to tell someone that they stink? I uh, probably just wouldn't.

#lyrics: ''you can't run away'' by emigrate #survey #surveys #random surveys #random questions

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cottonkendi · 2 years

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Your Babies | 40

MASTERLIST

Sano Shinichiro x f!Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Genre: Established Relationship, Angst

Warning: Spoiler warnings

Synopsis: Wait for me ft. Home

Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41

a/n: a short chapter for today~ we can now start recovering. maybe.

Quickly giving the room a quick scan, a heavy feeling weighs you down, disappointment eating at you along with the familiar feeling of emptiness that you’ve grown used to over the short period of 3 days.

Kneeling in front of Shinichiro with grandpa, Manjiro and Emma beside you, the four of you all silently bow and listen to every word that each visitor has whispered in front of you.

It is both torture and a form of closure, having to hear everyone’s words about Shinichiro. Hearing the many kind words and thoughts about him has surely done something to you, putting your tears at ease but it still leaves you empty inside.

Especially when there’s an empty space beside Emma where Izana could be sitting right now.

Letting out a silent sigh, the four of you move to the side in order for the monk to take over the ceremony. All the while, your heads are bowed, hands tightly grasping onto Manjiro and Emma’s hands, the two silently crying. The room is quiet, save for the cries of the visitors. You catch the sight of your parents silently sitting by the side, beside them are the kids, Draken, Takashi, Pah-chin, Haruchiyo and Senju. But no Kazutora nor Keisuke.

Their absence reminds you of the things that you still need to do. Reminds you of the court case that needs your time, reminds you of the conversation that still needs to be held with their parents.

It seems there’s no end to this cycle that you’re stuck in.

Biting your lip to suppress any emotions from showing on your face, you help the two kids stand as the four of you bow to the visitors as they all start filing out of the premises, the ceremony now done which will then lead to Shinichiro’s body being brought back to the funeral home for the cremation.

Just as you’re about to pull the two kids closer to you, your eyes catch something. Whipping your head to the side, you almost cry out but instead, you gently remove the two kids and guide them to grandpa and the others before excusing yourself.

Running outside, you almost trip as you turn a corner, eyes desperately trying to catch what you had seen earlier.

It almost feels too good to be true when you hear it.

Hear the familiar motor rumbling only a few feet away from you.

Tears immediately brims your eyes, lips trembling as you cry out his name, hands reaching out and trying your best to catch him before he can slip away from you once more. “Wait! Don’t go!”

It’s cruel, seeing him look at you with such anger and hatred as he turns his back to you. “Izana, wait! Don’t g-” Your voice gets cut short after Izana slaps your hand away, lips turned down into a scowl as he glares at you.

It shoots an arrow right through your body, the sting quickly turning into overwhelming pain as the hand that he slapped falls limply by your side.

Maybe it’s the shock, maybe it’s the sadness.

But your heart hurts.

You have never thought Izana would reject you like this. Never thought there would come a time where the kids that you loved so much would be so repulsed by your touch.

But alas, this isn’t about you. This isn’t your time to delve in your emotions.

“What do you want? I already visited, didn’t I? What more do you need-” Pulling him into your arms, you can’t help but bury your face onto his hair, tears slipping past your lids as you shakily smile.

“I’m glad you’re here, ‘Zana.”

Sniffling, you press a kiss on the side of his head, fingers carefully caressing his hair as he continues to sit on his bike, frozen in place. “I’m so relieved to see you her-”

“Why are you making things harder for me, Y/N? Why are you making it seem like I’m wanted here when it’s so clear that I don’t have a place here?” Izana mumbles, voice cracking ever so slightly. You can feel him try to pull away but you only pull him closer, shaking your head as you press another kiss to his head, eyes shut tight as your tears continue to roll down your cheeks.

“You belong here, ‘Zana. They want you here. Emma’s waiting for you. Manjiro wants to meet you. Shinichiro and I… we’ve been trying for so long. For so long, we’ve planned how we’ll finally be able to take you home. Even now, even when he’s gone… I’m still here Izana. I’m still here. And I’ll do my best to take you home, where you belong…” Letting go of him, you grasp his shoulders, eyes making contact with his even when he tries to look away from you.

“I promise, I’ll bring you home-”

“This isn’t home… this isn’t home, Y/N!” Forcing your hands away from him, you’re left standing there, holding in your sobs as you watch Izana angrily point at you. “How can you call this home when you’re letting the people who killed Shinichiro stay with you?! Why;d you have to let those people be closer to Shinichiro now even after what they’ve done for him?!”

Shaking your head at him, you try to hold onto him but he only pushes you away. “It’s not like that. They were- it was an accident - they never meant to hurt him, they were just trying to get Manjiro a gift and things were wrong and misunderstandings were mad-”

“You’re siding with them…” The sheer disappointment in his voice breaks you as he gives you one last glare before turning away, driving as fast as he can in order to get away from you, his skin crawling with disgust and pain at just hearing you try to defend them. Try to defend the kids that had killed his brother.

Left in the parking lot, you almost fall to the ground if it weren’t for someone helping you, tiny hands grasping your arm as they help you to the nearby wall, your hands shaking as you silently cry from what Izana had implied.

It seems as if you’ve made things worse.

You’ve only pushed Izana farther away.

“Was that… was that Izana?”

Opening your eyes, you’re met with Manjiro’s hardened face, lips turned into a scowl as he tightly holds onto your shaking hands, both of you cold to the touch. Wiping your tears away, you nod at him, hands cupping his cheeks even though you’re still shaking quite bad.

“Yes… he was quite upset with what I said… it’s fine-”

“He made you cry, Y/N-nee.” Manjiro grits out, hands curling into fists as he looks at the direction where Izana had left. “You can’t just let him do those things. I won’t let him. I’ll protect you. I’ll protect you and Emma and grandpa.”

Chuckling, you shake your head, arms wrapping around him. “You don’t have to protect me… I’ll be the one doing the protecting, alright? Let me protect you… I’ll protect all of you.”

taglist:

@lagrimasdeglitter @sseorin @sunahyejin @agoddess-inashell @wakasagurl @diestheticu @queen-flower @salty-salty @the2ndl @crapimahuman @imkumichan @angelmitsuri @coconois @princessatoru @akaashis-liquidluck @bajifairyy @tsukkisukkii @chaoticyuna @missarabellla @kawasbaby @bittermoonlightsblog @yukihime-mikeys-girl @vanderaliwaal @astro-pioneer @nomnom21 @tamakislover @misinfe @starryshi @honeysoob @monsterm21-blog @justalamppost @arisu003 @quacksonlover81 @shaak-ti-s @yuuki4646 @manjiroarchiviste @gouzouuuuu @sh4nn @bubs-world @lordbugs @notsostraightweeb @xbabybajix @aruhappy

#sano shinichiro #sano shinichiro x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyorev #tokrev #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokrev x reader #sano shinichiro angst #sano shinichiro imagines #tokyo revengers angst #tokyo revengers imagines #kurokawa izana #sano manjiro

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anxiouspotatorants · 3 years

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It is time. It is finally time for the new Suicide Squad rant (and spoilers will be plentiful):

As someone who was into DC Comics and comics in the mid to late 2010s and had so much hype for the first Suicide Squad movie only to be let down, I was so nervous for this one. I knew it was going to be a roller coaster, but whether I would come out happy or disappointed was up in the air. Having just seen it I will say this: I have no idea if this was a good movie-movie. It was insane. The comedy. The violence. The high emotion. I’m still trying to take it all in. But one thing I do know is that this is an amazing Suicide Squad movie. Gunn and co took the best parts of the comic concept and went batshit with it and that is how this property should be handled (in my opinion). Screw edgelordisms, we need full on insanity free of aiming for shock-value or sexy brutality we want chaos baby.

Starting the whole movie as they did, with Savant as the POV for a mission (or part of the mission) that just goes to hell immediately and kills off so many before the title arrives is the perfect way to start this movie. Like the second I realized this was how they were doing it I was just smiling from ear to ear, this is the spirit of the property.

Part of me wishes we got more Amanda Waller, but what we had was impeccable. Then again, this is Viola Davis we’re talking about, and if she was born to play any character in a superhero story, it is Amanda Waller.

And points to her tech team, introducing them with the death bets was just a lovely way to show how regular this is and how awful everyone is in this movie.

I’m not going to pretend like Deadshot and Bloodsport didn’t have the exact same character- and plot premises… but I will say that Bloodsport felt better executed.

I love that they kept some of the past members and not just Harley. Rick Flag got to have a full personality and interactions with his team members and to be a true leader and it made me so happy for someone who initially did not give a single shit about his character. The Harley friendship? The Dubois friendship? The friendship with that guerilla leader? Amazing. The one American soldier in fictional media I genuinely like. You go Mr Flag.

The new members were… they were insane in the best way. Gone are the shitty stereotypes and present are some of the wackiest creations to ever grace the mainstream movie-sphere (aka the slightly less normal comic creations): A man who has to shoot out polka dots two times a day so as not to die from a space virus. A giant child murdering weasel. A guy who detaches his limbs and slaps people with said detached limbs. King Shark. The second person to command rats with a fancy gadget. They are all crazy and all weird and all more or less morally repulsive people and I love them.

The amount of times I did a double take over the soundtrack I swear. Jessie Reyez? The Pixies? It was so much fun to pick up on once I did.

Was the depiction of a vague Latin American country stereotypical? Yes. Was the secret American involvement predictable and felt mildly patronizing from a non-American, part Latina point of view? Yep. But damn it if I didn’t have a good time with those stereotypes and laugh my ass off at how well executed some were. I don’t know if it was meant as parody, but that one secretary has me thinking so — and if so I am pleased.

Speaking of Latino dictators Harley’s one day romance with one of the villains was something I never knew I needed. Like it was so perfect for Harley that when it happened I almost hit myself for not realizing that this kind of plot should be a normal thing for Harley. And the end of it? Perfect not only in this standalone movie, but also in conjunction with the first and with BoP.

The Taika Waititi cameo??? Oh my god??? I did not expect that and I love it?? Sir, What We Do in the Shadows is impeccable.

Rick Flag’s death actually surprised me. It shouldn’t as this is Suicide Squad, but I kind of expected him to be on Harley’s level of unkillable (because let’s face it, no one kills Harley). What I will say is that his death was good and his final words and actions made me love him all the more. I hope this spawns more Rick Flag content, or at least inspires me to look at what already exists, if he already is as this movie made him (it’s been ages since I read one of the Suicide Squad reboot comics okay).

Starro. How can a villain be so wacky and so terrifying at the same time? I did not expect a literal alien starfish to have more terrifying powers and a more tragic plot execution than Enchantress. But here we are. And that damn star just wanted to be floating in space, and instead it was stuck getting revenge by killing and puppeteering human corpses. Wow that thing was creepier the more you think about it.

I don’t know what I think about Polka Dot Man. I loved watching him on screen but also damn those mommy-issues were on a new level. Not just in his backstory but how he literally sees her in every person around him that was insane. Very funny but like also the kind that makes you laugh just because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how else to releive the tension.

When Waller got knocked out by a staff member I immediately thought «oh my god Amanda Waller is going to kill half the staff for this», so I’m mildly surprised and disappointed that I didn’t get to see that happen. But also I should maybe expect something like this in a potential future Suicide Squad movie. We can’t have everything in a movie as packed as this.

Peacemaker was very horrible and worked really well. Don’t really have much to say about him, not because I didn’t enjoy him but because I already feel like the film itself has said it for me. But the planting and payoff for his death? Chef’s. Kiss.

Harley’s wardrobe was beautiful. Ratcatcher 2’s combat outfit felt like a steampunk plague dream. Bloodsport’s mask was supercool. Rick Flag’s t-shirt was amazing. But the best little outfit was the Mafalda-keychain and her red dress, hands down. Oh and King Shark’s fake moustache finger moment.

King Shark is shaped like a friend I don’t care how many people he ate alive on screen he looks so huggable. It feels like wanting to pet a bear. You know it will kill you but damn it look at those paws and those cute eyes!

I really need to give it to not just James Gunn but the entire production team for this movie. The aesthetic was perfect. The story was the right blend of whimsical and violent. The finished product was a literal rollercoaster and I mean that in a good way. If superhero movies have to be like amusement parks, I hope they’re more like this one and BoP.

I’ll finish on the note that while I think this movie was great and hopefully a step in the right direction for the DCU/DCEU (as in stop trying to play Marvel’s game and just do your own thing/ let your creative teams run wild and free), it is not the first step. Cathy Yan, Birds of Prey and the production team for it took a step first, and they deserve due credit and attention. If you loved this Suicide Squad movie and haven’t watched BoP yet, do so. Because they really are in the same ballpark while doing things in slightly different ways. And any good DCEU movie deserves more attention so the studios know that creativity and risks should be rewarded. I want more DC movies like this, not necessarily in genre but in creative risks. I want a Black Canary rock movie. I want Alfred in a reverse heist movie alone in the batcave against Gotham villains. I want Gotham Academy on screen play by play from the comics. I want a fully animated psychedelic-like Khalid Nassour as Dr. Fate movie. I want elevated horror movie Constantine. I want weird ass Lois Lane journalist movies with a heavy side of Superman. And I want DC movies I didn’t even know I wanted.

Support creativity in mainstream comic movies. Help me become a DC fan and happy about it again.

803 notes · View notes

spikesbimbo · 3 years

Text

Kingky

Pairing: Prince!Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: getting royal dick on valentine's day < 3

cw: body worship, dacryphilia, marking, breeding , praise (receiving and giving), sir/king kink, defaming royalty??(idfk what to call it) treason, possessiveness, borderline yandere, hurt/comfort, body worship, rough sex to soft sex, mind games, sacrilege, slight cnc (barley), former virgin reader, corruption kink, false sympathy, sweetheart to meanie >: ( , idk if this is slow burn

wc: 7.8k

a/n: for the jj plays cupid event!!!!! Thanks to @alto-march-of-death and @kmorgzz for helping build this story and giving me the title.

Happy valentines day,

love valentine < 3

- 18+ Minors DNI

“Stop being a crybaby, calm down”

His stern voice making you more anxious, not knowing how you ended up sitting in his lap. Feeling like a dog under him, or right now on top of him. Wondering how you got in this position daily, hourly.

You didn't understand why he kept you around, always having his hand around you whenever he could. You weren't the only pretty girl in the country, you weren't even qualified to be with him, being a somewhat servant before him snatching you up.

As much as you tried you couldn't ignore the stares and side comments of all the other girls in the harem, it made your eyes water, trying to wipe them when you got back to your room the prince gave you, all the others living in the same building, much more run down than yours; maybe that was one of the reasons.

Looking in the solid gold mirror he gifted you, ‘just cause’, always reflecting your red and puffy eyes daily as you called your most trusted maid to grab you some ice.

She was the only thing keeping you sane. No, the prince never did or pushed you to give him anything, but it was natural to be scared. Being in a foreign state after your guardians sold you. Aran, the only one who treated you like a human being and not a prize, saving you from being sold completely by saying that the prince would take care of you. As he worked under him his whole life as guard, proving his dedication.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Thinking back to the day you listened to the first love of your life, dressing in their outfits on the day of the celebration. Aran keeping a close watch on you, seeing your uncertainty knowing you had no other way out.

He flashed you a small smile, not big enough for anyone to see but you, trying his best to reassure you that everything was going as planned.

Hearing the drums stop, you and everyone else at the festival turned their heads to the large door, carved out of the most luxurious stone, their family crest being engraved onto it.

You bowed seeing everyone else do it, the head advisors words being caught in your mind, "To properly curtsy, you place the right foot behind the left and then it's just a slight bob, what you don't want is when a lady goes too far down and then she can't come up."

This being the third time you done it since you've been here, the first after running into prince Sakusa’s advisor. Him declaring that you would be a perfect match for his concubine after seeing you at the banquet the other day.

He continued by saying that he wouldn't be able to deny your beauty and that you would be perfect for him, even making an exception for you due to his distaste with the women in his country.

You tried to zone out of the conversation until the words “produce an heir” brought you back. You froze, throat closing, sweat now forming on your body extremely repulsed at the thought of being in that situation. Aran quickly noticed the state you were in and told his advisor that you weren't feeling good, leading you back to your room, his hand supporting your back as you trembled in his hold.

You entered the room that had been provided for you while you stayed here, immediately crying your eyes out as soon as the door closed. Your dreams of having a family, a normal family, the only thing you've ever wanted, being snatched right from your roughed up hands.

You turned your attention back , hearing the Herald speak. His voice being loud shocking you, but you still kept your balance not wanting to mess up already.

“Now introducing His Grace, the Duke of Inari, followed by His Royal Highnesses, the Princes of Inari.”

You slightly looked up, seeing the king followed by the two princes, not being able to tell them apart.

But luckily Aran moved ajar to his prince, the other prince’s and duke’s guard doing the same for them before they went their separate ways. Everyone lifting their heads now as you did the same following in suit. The party resumed itself as you could see everyone going back to drinking and taking along with the music returning.

They moved to the prince's chair, making out that they were talking, not being able to read their lips, not that you wanted too, what was their business you had no involvement in nor did you want to. But that changed when you saw aran gesture towards you out of the corner of your eye.

That's when the prince you would grow to care for laid his dark eyes on you for the first time, not being able to take them off, making you shiver in embarrassment. The outfit you had on only covering the parts that needed to be. The ‘dress’ you had on having slits on your legs all the way up your upper thighs,borderline hips.

The white, almost see through material held together by jewels and gold, along with your hair being fastened the same way, hoping nothing was out of place. You wanted to do a good job for him, trusting him with all your heart since he was the only you've had your whole life.

You were brought back to reality by noticing that Aran and the price weren't in the same place, quickly looking around before you were greeted by a charming smile as you turned your head straight again.

“Good evening my lady” he said, holding his right hand covered in jewels out, slightly bowing to be eye level with you, his smile not fading. And as you looked him in the eyes you froze yet again, getting entranced by his gaze, so warm and compassionate yet terrifyingly cold, remembering the power he held.

You looked up at aran for a second, him reassuring you that you were supposed to give him your hand, so you did.

“Good evening, your royal highness.” trying to be as confident as you could, again breaking eye contact with the prince one again to look at aran, making sure everything you did was right.

“Would you care to join me for some drinks?” the crown on his head shining brighter than the stars, his eyes still lingering on you.

“Y-yes your highness” you stuttered out, shocked that this was working. Even if you didnt what you were supposed to say. No? You'd probably be executed if you did, the thoughts plaguing your mind as you walked alongside him and Aran towards their table.

He sat down patting next to him for you to sit. Yo looked up at Aran, standing there nodding as confirmation. As you then sat next to him, as far away as you could without it being obvious, or at least he didn't mind.

He poured you a drink into a gold cup, guessing the red liquid to be wine, before pushing it towards you “Thank you your highness” you said more assured this time, picking it up with both hands wrapped around it, nervous that you'd drop it.

This continued the whole night, feeling more comfortable due to the alcohol and Aran being your ‘protector’; even though he'd kill you if the prince asked him too. Lucky that you weren't lightheaded, this night being the first time you've ever had more than one drink.

You even laughed, the prince saying something funny trying to get it out of you, and from the moment he saw your smile he was entranced.

A few days after you were requested by the prince, Aran coming to fetch you. The relief on both of your faces that you'd at least end up somewhere where he could watch over you too.

You were greeted by him after passing through the gate, the prince himself helping you get out of the carriage and not your guard. He expressed that he couldn't keep his mind off you for days, your pretty face being the only thing running though his mind before finally asking you to be one of his girls.

As much as you didnt want to be “one of his many girls” you didn't have any other option than to be with, some random guy, sorry- a prince. Or be sold to an old guy whose wife ‘suddenly’ died, the thought making you cringe.

You put on a fake smile, finally let go of all your hopes and dreams, letting yourself be his, completely in and out. “Yes your highness. I would love that!”

---------------------------------------------------------------

“Miss y/n!” your maid said coming back. “The prince wants to see you!” she exasperatedly said, running back here as it was urgent to get you ready to see him, always having to look perfect for him.

He probably wanted to talk to you about valentine’s day, something he or anyone in this country doesn't celebrate, mentioning it to him about a week ago as you laid in his arms after being with him the whole evening.

Thinking back on it; being embarrassed at how you asked, covering your face at the thought.

“I-it's um-, a day where… couples spend together” you said in a combination of mumbling and whispering out the last part, not wanting to make anything out of you twos 'relationship’. Not expecting anything after being together after being his for almost 9 months.

You've grown accustomed to not expecting anything, always getting disappointed in the end. Being emotional was hard, running in the nearest private place letting your tears run free at the littlest things, but at the end of the day it was just because no one listened to you. Someone being the slightest bit attentive to you was all it took to make you happy,.

She ran a bath for you, the steam rising as you got in it, giving you the ice you requested for your face while putting in some oils from the flowers you were growing.

Them residing in the same garden that grew the ones you planted for the a few months ago, wanting to give them as a sort of goodbye present, or not. Still being unsure about staying with him, even already writing a letter around a month ago; hiding it in the pocket in the fur coat.

You just knew at the moment you were going to play into his hands, letting him do whatever he wanted to you, not that you wouldn't enjoy it; he always took care of you.

Another reason you've grown attached to him, not realizing if you genuinely liked him, or the affection and attention he so profusely gave you. Sometimes you ever questioned your love, not romantic anymore for Aran, wondering the same. The both of them being the only ones to ever treat you with any sort of care or respect, besides your personal maid.

After doing your hair the way he liked it, along with putting on the light fitted dress you loved to wear, tou took one last look in the mirror before you walked to his office.

“My lord...” you stummerd now, clinging onto his robe straddling his leg, a heat rising up to your face. Your body never knowing how to control itself after being with him.

The other woman's jealousy still got to you, even the way they looked at you made you cower. You were sensitive, still not numb to it after everything you've been through. You were weak inside and outside. Nowhere near good enough to be his, whatever he wanted to call it.

But he noticed, not letting none of them do anything to you, you having your own personal bodyguard now. Usually spending the night with him in his room, and during the day you just sit in his lap and entertain him while he works.

He was in no way a bad prince, in fact he was a great one in your opinion, putting everyone first along with his brother, twin brother, as you learned. But something you also understood was do as you were told or it would be the end of your life, as your dear friend Aran said.

“Just because he likes you doesn't mean he’ll keep you forever.” His words always replaying themselves in your mind every time the prince did something for you, whether it was buying you something again, or that one time he gifted you a whole garden for you to tend to when he couldn't be around.

Yes you were insecure about you two’s ‘relationship’, wondering if you should just leave as you later found out any of the girls were free to leave. But the way he treats you you've grown accustomed to. Waking up in the morning, the first thing crossing your mind being him, even if you slept in separate beds. Immediately reaching out for him being disappointed when he wasn't next to you.

---------------------------------

There’s nobody else here, which is as much of a surprise to you as it is to the rest of the girls that had been ushered out. It’s just you and him, with the overwhelming tension blinding and dizzying.

The bath that you two were in, warmed to your liking, was only adding to that fact. After rubbing his shoulders and feeding him the sliced apples he liked, pampering him like the royalty he was, your arms got tired along with your mind. Thinking about the fact that you may not be here in a month, the ache in your heart growing.

Reaching out for some of the wine his maids had prepared earlier in the glasses as he beat you to it. Gently taking your jaw into his hand, tilting your head back enough, as you let him. Letting the slightly chilled liquid make its way down your throat. His eyes grazing you like you were a little lamb and he was a big bad wolf coming knocking on your door.

His thumb swipes once across your lips, partly cleaning up some of the wine that escaped your them. His soft grin widening, his voice being laced with the smell of liquor. “you’re so pretty, my love.” pushing your pulled up hair to the side, laying soft open mouthed kisses along your neck. Shivering at the touch while melting into his arms. “so pretty.”

You heart flutters in fearful anticipation, the lust in your body rising to the top. Every movement of his forcing a sharp, terrifying jab at your chest. He stares, stares for too long

His fingers holding a vice grip to your jaw, thumb poking at your lips, tugging your lower lip down. Marveling at you for a few more moments, before his hand falls back to his side, and he sighs.

He was entranced from the very moment he saw you.

He helped you out of the tub as it grew too cool, placing your hands in his as he then picked you up over the ledge. Placing your feet on the floor, your wet body now getting cold while admiring his slightly tanned figure as he loosely wrapped the light robe around your frame, doing the same to himself.

His broad toned chest peeking through; his pretty collarbones exposed just for you. Impure thoughts getting to you as you remembered the last time the two of you were in here. Your legs wrapped around his head, dangling, as he made you cum over and over again on the cold marble countertop.

He picked you up again, mumbling out something along the lines of “beautiful”. His big arms supporting your back and legs as he took you to his bed, sitting you down in his lap as he calls the maids in, always females, telling them to bring in some food before placing his attention back on you.

“Are you okay dear?” he asked looking at you yet again bringing you back to reality, placing his hand on your thigh, making its way slightly under your robe .

“Yes your highness-, I'm fine. Thank you for asking.” you responded giving him a warm smile. Not entirely fake, as you were enjoying yourself, but were you really happy?

You wanted the average; a nice house, a family you could always come back to, a warm bed and clothes. And he made sure to give you all the material things you could ask for. But again, were you really happy? At the end of the day you just wanted genuine love and affection.

The maids knocked on the door, him letting them in as they brought trays of food, your eyes lighting up as a smile peeked through when you saw your favorite. Making you heart beat even faster that he remembered what you told him, even though he asked you.

You fed him as usual, placing him before yourself as you were taught, not minding. Instead feeling like a mom feeding her kids, a giggle coming between you lips at how peaceful he looked.

“What's so funny?” he asked, his words coming out as concerned that he wasn't in on it.

“Nothing my lord, its just… i was thinking of how cute you looked” you said trying to hold back the laughs still trying to make their way out of your mouth.

“Cute?” he questioned, looking vaguely offended that someone would call him, the strong, handsome, intimating prince ‘cute’.

“Yes my lord”

“What about me is cute, huh?” he asked again, sounding like a child. “Is it this?” he said, now grabbing a piece of meat while opening your mouth. Taking the food in between your lips, your cheeks stuffed as you chewed on it, looking the happiest he's ever seen you. His heart growing with every movement you did. “Your right… it is.”

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, moving his hand to your waist firmly gripping it. Feeling the affection ooze out of him as he leaned into your neck. His breath being blown onto your neck with every word, his lips being so close yet so far.

You nodded, another smile appearing on your face, trying to hold back your eyes watering, not letting one tear slip out. You turned your body facing him, his hands never leaving your body. Resting your head against his chest, letting you do whatever you wanted to him.

He turned your head out of his body, facing him now. Connecting your eyes with his while he stroked your forehead.

His lips meet yours, not even realizing for a second, the feeling of his plump ones against yours being so natural at this point. Making you give him a good morning, goodnight, a good whenever kiss, everyday. One kiss turning into many, an overwhelming amount by the time his mouth is trailing down your shoulder. His wet open mouth kisses, spit and marks being left behind.

Stopping when his neck can't turn anymore. Instead repositioning you to sit higher on his lap as he now can kiss your arm, doing the same but adding his hands down your body this time.

You let out a whine when he slid your dainty little robe to the side, your body now being exposed to the cooler air, tensing you up. Hardening, hoping he would just keep paying attention to everything but that, your nipples rubbing up and down against the linen fabric, your legs straddled his thigh as he slightly bounced you everytime he reattached himself to your skin.

His warm hand eased the cold feeling as he placed in on your inner thigh; a wave of heat rushing through you as he gripped it, fingers inching closer and closer while his eyes looked down upon you, his lip behind your ears, feeling his hot breath be blown onto the to top of your spine making yous shiver in his summery embrace.

“y -ah, your high-ness” you moaned out, your hands nothing compared to the size of his, reaching out for his wrist, barely being able to wrap your trembling fingers around it.

Your dramatic, conscious tears finally spilling out as you feel his length grown against the swell of your ass involuntary grinding against it.

“Why so formal my love?” he smirked, the hunger in his voice evident, spreading your poor little cunt open. His fingers sliding down it, gathering the slick in between them before teasing his finger in your hole. Only putting just past his nail in, feeling the wet hotness slide down his knuckle letting out a heavy groan at the sight.

He pulled the finger out, moving his head so you could have a clear view of him as he placed his ring finger on his tongue sucking on it, deliberately making it sound as lewd as it could. Loving how flustered your pretty face got as you hid into his arm, clenching your fists around the fluff of his collar.

He let out a little laugh, thinking about how precious you were while sliding his hands up your thigh and separating the sides of your robe letting the shoulder fall off completely all the way down to your waist.

His fingers covered in slick and saliva now fondling your tits he freed, his middle finger and thumb pinching your nipple, already hardened from earlier. Internally blaming it on the cold and not how worked up he got you.

Opening your legs with his other hand, letting you back rest of his chest once again, hiking your knees up to give him a full view, looking down or in the big mirror he had against the wall.

Returning his hands to the mess of your cunt, this time actually sliding his finger fully in, no warning besides the fact that he was obviously growing impatient. Wanting to devour you, but reminding himself that he had to take his time or he would break you.

“You get like this… for me?” he teased nudging his head into yours, forcing you to look at your reflection. Your legs spread open just for him, your greedy little hole swallowing him up as you whined out not knowing for what.

Your mostly naked body against his still clothed,m while his eyes stared into yours from the mirror, your cheeks being squished into his hands as he makes you maintain looking at the scene, bringing your pouted lips to his, so irresistible.

The formerly neat bed you two were on now being the opposite, the roses you said you loved being spread out all over the mattress as he pulled away from the kiss to lay you down on the soft quilt

His body towering over yours, knowing already in the back of his head that the maids would have to come in for a second time to clean up, just to throw away his sheets after he took care of you tonight.

Voice high pitched as you sobbed in embarrassment from his lips attaching to your nipple, fingers fucking into you shallowly, his slow pace getting faster every second.

Sucking on your chest, the pain being eased by his tongue dragging the spit over them, before working against it by using his teeth almost drawing blood. Your writhing under him, mouth open, no sound coming out except gasps, the way you’re squirming under him makes him grow even harder .

“I just want to fuck you, my dear, over and over again. The only thing I ever think of is you. Your precious moans and the pleasured look on your face is always running through my mind.” kissing away the tears falling on your cheeks before they fell onto your chest.

Leaning back into you and whispering into your ear, his breath tickling your baby hairs. “Fuck you till you cant think anymore, till all you can think of is me... just like you deserve.”

Sweat dripping down your back as he flips you over, your robe falling completely off, bare as the day you were born. Him trailing his finger down your spine, your ass already in the air knowing how he liked it.

Feeling the need burning under your skin, your hole clenching around nothing, wanting so desperately to be filled.

He wants to defile you, fuck you so much that all you know is him. Whether it was his cock making its way into your hole or mouth, barely being able to fit it but doing your best. His cock twitching at the thought of it.

His hand wrapping around your throat bringing you out of your own little world, choking you with your back to his chest, your knees doing their best to support you.

The atmosphere quickly changing, feeling the displeasure seep out from him. “Now what was that letter, hmm?” he questioned, already knowing, wanting you to explain what the fuck was going on in that pretty little head of yours.

The fact that you, a noble now thanks to him, wanted to leave the man who gave you everything you heart desired? He thought you were crazy. Even questioning if anyone had put any poison in your food.

“Y-your highness!” you choked out, turning around quickly trying to solve the problem you created, fat tears falling once again.

“I- um, well… the other women were-“ you cried thinking back to this morning when you went to grab the white and yellow flowers that you've been pampering for so long. This now being the second time they've done something like this.

“A-and…i've taken a liking to you, Your highness. please forgive me!” you sobbed out, knowing what you said. His naturally flirty nature made you doubt yourself, Not knowing if he even liked you back.

Your head now hurting from putting yourself in this position, already getting too attached to him, what were you thinking? You? With the future king, your food must have really been tampered with.

“Huh?” he said, ignoring the words coming out of your mouth being music to his ears. His somber voice turning damned as his anger was rising.

“you'd think i'd let you leave me? I don't think you understand dear...i'd kill you and everyone working under you if you left me.'' you winced at the threat is his tone, not knowing if he was being sincere or not, working against it so you'd never find out.

“You don't think I noticed? I always have guards around you. They let me know your every movement, whether it's taking a stroll outside or going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and they just so happened to see you crying your eyes out.” He stated loosening his grip. “But don't worry dear, I took care of them.”

“W-what?”

“You'll never have to see them again my love, I got rid of them.” he said with his unforgiving smile, almost cooing at you. Moving his hand from around your neck to cupping your face, his body still hovering over you. “So now it's just me and you.”

The strange thing is that you felt no fear, even knowing that getting rid of them meant he killed some of them, but why did it make your heart flutter? Why did it get you more excited? You were really going insane.

“You know I'm the only man that can take care of you, the only one can fill this needy little cunt up. he said, spreading you open, slightly pushing one of his fingers in. “i've got your slutty body trained to get soaking at just my presence”

“my lord-” you sang, thinking of how gentle he was while still controlling you. Remembering the first time he laid his hands on you. It hurt so bad, even though he spent a good amount of time prepping you to the point where you felt ‘messy’, but it still pained you to take him.

The first time you've ever been touched, and when you told him he froze, never being in this situation before. He thrived knowing that he would be the one to take the purity out of your body, preparing a whole week to ease you up. But you would never tell him this, not because you were scared for your life, but more of a caring reason, not wanting to hurt his feelings and ego in a sense.

“That's not my name.” he said, shoving his finger all the way in you in one motion, gasping at the action, still not letting a word out . “Fuck princess, call me by my name.”

You hesitated, your body not following suit. “Cmon love” he said almost pleading with you, his voice once changing again, sounding like a sad kid right now. “You're not gonna get anything till I hear that pretty voice say my name” he continued moving his finger in you, your moans bouncing off the walls.

You've never been so conflicted, not knowing what to do, just letting yourself be his completely in and out again. “P-prince Atsumu-”

“Fuck.” he groaned, your soft whine letting out his name, accompanied by prince. But he could deal with that. That fact that he's got you wrapped around his finger right now, literally, has him fueled. This all he needs to keep him going, to prove you would be nothing without him, without realizing deep down it was the same for him.

“You only get like this for me don't you. Of course you do! i'm the only man you've ever been with.” he confidently stated, keeping it that way, not caring if he had to use his bloodthirsty hands to do it. “Your brain only thinks dirty thoughts when I'm around, huh?”

He continued playing with you, touching every part of your body, the parts that he taught you about, some that you couldn't even get to, making you act like a fool under him getting him even more ansty. “fuck-.” he groaned taking his clothes fully off, letting his cock finally be free. The friction of his robe already making it leak with pre-cum, standing on its own against his stomach, so red and needy.

“You ready princess?” he said dragging you by your ass towards him, rolling you over as you arched your back, now face down ass up.

Presenting yourself for him as he let his cock rest on your ass, lubing it all up with your slick as he rubbed against it, wanting to stretch you out comfortably for you, pain and pleasure to mix not be separate.

“a-ahh,” you panted out, his thrusts immediately taking your breath away, not being able to catch it. His hands wandering all over your body before grabbing you shoulder, pulling you back against him, his other hand grabbing your tits, his grip tight.

HIs slow pace quickens as you clench around him, his other hand gripping under your hips to hold you up. He's never heard something so beautiful in his life, your moans and whines echoing around in his big room.

He's also never seen something this beautiful, looking in the mirror as your face is all fucked out for him. You tiny little cunt taking him whole, his balls slapping against your clit making you squeal with every thrust.

This position being his favorite, him able to see your body in every angle with help of the mirror, letting him abuse your body for hours. Watching his big hands tease your hardened nipples while you wheezed out nonsense, going completely dumb from his dick.

“You gonna be louder? Gonna let your precious guard know your getting fucked?” he tells you, thrusting into you harder, the jealousy that was settled in him rising back up. Ever since he first saw you he noticed the way you looked at him, putting it to the side due to the fact that he and Aran were close and that you too had nothing going on.

But the possessiveness in him grew after you tried to leave him, wanting to claim you in every way, wanting you to not be even able to function without him or his dick, him being the only thing in your mind. The heat growing under his skin this time, burning up throughout him as he fucks into you harder, pulling you close to him, his face now in your neck.

You could only whine at the shame you felt, Aran not even crossing your mind like that anymore. His hand unyielding its place on your breast, his fingernails leaving marks there as leaves sloppy kisses under your ear, knowing how sensitive you were there.

“You like this, right? Getting fucked like a whore, showing off. Like it when you’re stuffed full of my cock, pounding my own cum into you? You know cant leave me”

The vulgar splurge of words coming from his mouth along with his cock nuding your cervix at this angle was knocking the sense out of you, letting your moans finally be free, not holding them back anymore. Your body going limp in his hold, lucky that he was holding onto you so desperately, his hot breath sticking to the slobber he left on your neck.

“tsumu,” you gasped out to his delight, not even realizing what you had just said, too lost in pleasure. Knowing that he now has you in the palm of his hand. Saying his name so casually and lewd, like he wasn't going to rule the country one day. Pushing against his tight unchanging hold on you. “Can’t , please― ”

“You’re addressing someone of importance you know.” He said, regripping the base of your neck hard enough to hold you in place. “People are killed for not addressing royalty properly. Confidence overflowing through his words, finally having the upper hand.

“It would be a shame if that happened to you”. He continued, a slight tease in his voice, his cock getting harder looking at your pretty little tears dripping down your cheeks, falling onto your tits.

“-i didn’t mean to!” you sniffled, moving your arms backwards, grabbing onto him, lucky that he wouldn't cut your hands off for touching royalty at him. Tears now flowing from fear and pleasure.

“Tell me who I am, then I might forgive you.” he teased, playing mind games with you, having you fall and break into his hands, made him grow in excitement. “M-my lord” you moaned, not wanting to give in. “No.” he asserted, his grip on your neck tightening again. “Tell me who i really am”

You trembled in his hold that was growing looser with every second, knowing exactly what he wanted. “f-future king” you muttered out trying not to cry, embarrassed of how this, he, was affecting you.

You would normally be scared in this situation but the way his cock was pulsing inside you making all your worries go away. If you were to die, you would gladly if this was the reason why.

Your words getting to him, somehow fucking into you harder, bruising your cervix, breaking into your womb. “You want me cum inside? Leave my cum stuffed up inside of you? Hmm?” you could only nod, knowing you had no other choice, not that you wouldn't choose the other option in this situation, the feeling of pleasure overriding your logical thoughts.

“Can't hear you.” He uttered, groans following him. ”y-yes!” you whined like a baby, not wanting the feeling of him to leave. You were really spoiled, always getting what you wanted, and as usual he followed though, never saying no to you. “What a good girl, already thinking of how to help me.”

You don't know how long it’s been anymore, can’t think of anything besides ‘Prince Atsumu’, just how he wanted it. He couldn't picture anything other than him fucking you full of cum until your swelling with it. Unable to move as he flips you over facing him, wanting to see face first the mess he was making in your cunt.

Every part of him wants to own you, in and out. Wants to break you down until you're completely his, until your body responds to only him, until your brain is trained to be completely his, not giving any other man any attention.

“Want me to breed you, want me to fuck so much of my cum into you, that it’ll be spilling outta you for days? M’gonna knock you up full of my babies, just like a good little girl,” he groaned, having your wrists pinned to the bed with one hand.

Not like you could move, his strong arms holding you in place. Your pitiful whines not being heard over the sound of his balls slapping into you, the sound of you creaming all over him being white noise at this point. But the idea is nice at the moment; being unable to move, just being Prince Atsumu’s, the future king of Inari’s plaything to fuck as he pleases.

“Tight little cunt, swallowing my cock up,” he tells you, watching as the drool escapes your mouth, kissing it off of you. “Gonna fuck you till your pregnant angel, I’m gonna fuck you again and again until your carrying my heir. You’d like that, right love? Fuck my cum in and out of you.”

“y-yeah tsumu please tsu- tsumiee, please -ahhh” you cried, not caring what the consequences were. He was thrilled, his excitement being shown through his body, finally breaking you down to this state.

The fact that he turned you, a sweet, nervous virgin, into a needy little thing. Still remembering the day he took it, getting on his knees for the first time in his life, being the first person he's ever pleased and not the opposite.

Something about you made him keep coming back, wanting to see your face scrunch up in delight, caring about you more than himself, wanting to be your first and last. He genuinely thought he was going crazy, not experiencing a human emotion.

“Gonna fill you up with little princesses and princes so you gotta stick around and we’ll make a whole kingdom for ourselves.” he stated, wanting to make sure no one could mistake you as anything but his.

Your “yeah” makes his heart burst. You soft, sweet voice saying just what he wants makes him snap, hips relentless as he fucks you, unable to think beyond anything except fucking a baby, or two, into you. Wanting to see you so big and needy.

His heads in a whole nother world, the urge to fuck you, make you his own, the only thing not draining him. He trails finger down to your clit, rubbing it energetically. Listening to your sobs, edging him to not stop.

“Please” you voiced out, choking on your words. Being so close, yet so far. Him not letting you orgasm until he wanted you to. His selfish desires making you kick your legs out in complaint.

Feeling his cock pulsing inside you, finally moving his fingers on your clit again; blessing the gods that he at last let you cum, your body shaking as he slid his length deeper into you. You let out a cry, clinging onto him. His shoulders being placed into your arms as you didnt let him go, chest rising and falling dramatically.

“Fuck!,” he grunted. You nails digging into his skin, leaving little crescents there. Dropping into your neck as he finally feels sedated, cum shooting hot and thick into you. Holding you as you did him, your eyes already staring to close.

“You take everything so good, princess. so slutty,” he says, affectionate as he can be, looking at the mess you were making. His newfound love for you pouring out with every touch he laid on you. Not pulling out of you as he picked you up to get the dirty sheets off the bed, your head falling back his arms, eyes burning to close, lips slightly open.

“My love...” he murmured, now laying his body on yours, skin to skin. His face in your chest, your hands grabbing onto his fluffy hair. “You’re such a sweet girl… a pretty little thing.” he whispered, knowing you loved when the words left his mouth.

You murmured back, wanting the words ‘I love you'' to come out so desperately. Hiccupping as he adjusted himself in you. Leaving light kisses on your chest, clenching at the sensation, hating being so sensitive.

As he trails his hand down your chest to the pendant necklace laying in between your breasts, the first gift he ever got you.

He noticed you never took it off, just this one, not the countess rings, headpieces and other necklaces he bought you. He knew that you very much appreciated those, but this one was special to you, even keeping it on whenever you had to put on other jewelry whenever he had events, tucking it in the chest part of your corset.

You coddled him, his real personality coming back, where he acted like a needy baby, loving how you held him in your arms. Feeling like home along with his mellow smell, the scent of burnt amber mixed with the comfy smell of fresh linen making you melt into his touch everytime he pulled you closer.

He didn't want to admit how attached to you he was. Your warm smile, soft body, always knowing how to take care of him and make him feel warm and cozy, his personal stress reliever. Swearing he saw a halo around you head when you woke him up every morning, the light shining through the windows providing another testament.

“Were you serious?” you said, voice course and shaky. Wanting to hear the words you wanted the most.

“I'm the future king, they can't go against my orders.” He said reading your mind again, understanding how stressful it must be in your position. “Besides you already are in the eye of the people.” he huffed out, rubbing your stomach with his warm hands.

You saw a smile appear on his face before he disconnected himself from you, disregarding the warmth leaving your body.

“P-prince Astumu! You can't!” you uttered trying to take it off as fast as you could, hands scrambling. “Shh, see?” he said, turning your head to the mirror. “Look at how well it fits you.” he continued. You thinking his mind was clouded right now. Your naked form covered by the sheets the sheets. Your being a mess, along with your eyes looking red and swollen.The crown being the only thing presentable, sitting upon your fucked out head.

“fuck, you’re so pretty...” he said, giving you a longing kiss on the forehead, taking his time separating from you.

“W-what are we?”you said finally placing the crown back on the dresser.

“What do you want us to be?” he said, letting out a laugh, trying not to be so serious as he's never felt this way before. Being nervous for the first time since he was a kid.

“I'm serious.” you said pulling away from him. His shocked attitude working the fastest he's ever done in his whole career. His face expressing his need

“Ok...” pulling you back to him, the thought of you leaving making him want to crumble. ‘I need you.”

“And?…i'm not the only one you need.” you said trying to push him, his immature side coming in at the worst times.

“Fuck, okay my love, i promise you, you or I won’t be going anywhere, okay? I swear on god's green earth and everything I own.” suffocating you in his arms so you couldn't leave, pressing his lips against your head speaking every word that came into his mind.

Before you moved your head looking at him in the eyes, the blanket pulled up over the both of you, the roses wilted all over the floor. Your stare halting his thoughts, your eyes telling him to spill every secret that he held against you, wanting to know his very thought about you.

His eyes met yours, not being able to look away. A sigh left his lips as a blush grew on his face, you being the first person to leave him like this. At last he regained his composure, his messy haired, scratched up self speaking. “If you'd just let me explain.”

2K notes · View notes

wrenreid · 2 years

Text

Conflict of Interest

Chapter Seven: Mistakes and Avoidance

"C'mon, Y/n, you never miss class!"

"I went to training this morning, I'm not going to class," you say from your spot on your bed, looking up at Nina.

They fold their arms. "What's been up with you?"

"I don't feel well. It's probably just a virus, I'll be fine."

"Is that why I beat you in sprints today?"

"Yep, now go before you're late."

She huffs out a sigh. "Fine. I'll actually take notes so you're not behind."

"Thank you, Nin."

Nina nods, "No problem. Get some rest."

You give her a thumbs up and they head out of your room, making her way to class. You roll over onto your side, facing the wall that's just inches away.

Ever since Friday, when the incident happened (you can't bring yourself to admit what actually occurred, even just in your head), you've been a ball of emotions. Those were mostly anger, confusion, frustration, and disappointment. You're angry with yourself for what happened and with him for kicking you out. You're confused as to why he kicked you out in the first place, he acted like he wanted it. You're frustrated and disappointed in yourself for doing probably, no, definitely, the dumbest thing in your life.

But hey, at least you didn't actually sleep with your professor. That's something. Right?

You groan, burying your head into your pillow, pulling the cream colored covers up over your face.

A sick feeling has been washing over your body, mostly your stomach, probably anxiety and guilt, ever since your teacher fin... did what he did. So you weren't entirely lying to Nina when you said you didn't feel well.

You don't want to see him. Not now, not yet, probably not ever. You don't feel like getting out of bed, but you know you have to go to training in the mornings or it'll look bad on you. A good seven week coma sounds wonderful though. You wouldn't have to face Spencer Reid at all or even hear his name. No one could question you about why you're upset. You'd just be asleep for over almost two month. It's a dream really.

But you know you'll have to go back to class eventually. Just not today. Maybe you could drop his class entirely, work out a way to do it online. All you know is, you don't want to see Dr Reid's stupid (but really pretty) face again.

The image of his face over yours as he touches you plays in your mind. You try to force it out, repulsed (and slightly turned on) and angered by the thought. Your skin tingles with excitement at the memory. You groan aloud again and stand up, grabbing the strawberry melatonin gummies from your cabinet. You pop three of them and lay back down. Sleeping is the only way you can escape this embarrassing and frustrating feeling. Well, hopefully, dreams seem to not be your friend.

You eventually curl up and doze off into a forced sleep.

"Get your ass up," Nina says, throwing one of her pillows at you.

You grunt. "No."

"Yes, let's go to dinner."

"No. I don't feel well."

"You still have to eat."

"If I just puke it up it won't do much for me anyway."

"Fine. I'm going to get some food, I'll see you later." Nina leaves the room again and you roll back over, facing the wall and reclose your eyes.

You've been in bed all day since after shooting practice. The melatonin really worked its magic.

You're not even sure why the situation is affecting you so much. Maybe because he's your professor and you'll have to see him again, or maybe because Nina was right. You have a crush on him. But now that's ruined because he's an asshole who made you leave after... you still can't admit what actually happened. You're done with whatever weird little feelings you had for him, they're being pushed way down into a box then kicked off a cliff.

Sunset rolls around shortly, an orange glow shining through the window, seeming to blind you. You pull the covers over your face again.

Nina returns about an hour after she left for dinner. She brought you back a bagel.

You sit up, legs criss crossed in front of you. "Thank you," you say softly and eat the bagel.

"Are you okay?"

You give them a soft nod. "I just, yeah, don't feel great."

"Okay..." they sigh softly.

The notes are in my black notebook if you want to copy.

"Thank you, you're a life saver."

"I am aren't I?" Nina beams.

You chuckle, rolling your eyes softly as you get her notebook out of their bag. You copy the notes into your purple and blue watercolor notebook from Target that you thought was pretty.

Once you're done with that, you lay back down in bed and watch Netflix. You fall back asleep after about six episodes.

You wake up the next morning for workouts, still feeling sick about the entire Dr. Reid situation. You get changed in a black t shirt (good for hiding sweat) and grey running shorts.

"Are you sure you're okay to train today?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I have to go anyway, or they'll think I'm a wuss."

Nina shrugs.

You lace up your tennis shoes and head out with Nina.

The running sucks, but at least you can focus on the sting in your side instead of the fact that your professor pissed you off.

You finish the two mile run, cooling yourself off with some water before you guys have to do timed sprints.

You channel your anger into motivation to run as fast and hard as you can. You finish in third in your group, and fourth the second sprint.

"Oh my God, I'm dying," Nina says as they come up to you, pouring water on yourself.

"Yeah me too," you try to slow your breathing.

"You were like super fast, homegirl."

"I'm honestly not sure how I did that."

She laughs and you all finish up.

_____

"You go ahead without me," you say to your friend as you're headed to Profiling 101, "I'm going to head to the restroom."

"Oh okay," Nina says and disappears inside the classroom.

You hesitate, thinking about what you're about to do for a moment. You turn on your heels and head back to the dorms, not wanting to see him.

A part of you feels like you're overreacting, but what kind of man kicks you out after a moment like that? You thought he was different.

chapter eight

tags: @sexualityisajoke @nomajdetective @reidscake @kenreadsfanfics @assemblemotherfuckers @reidslovely @smackdabbinboi @calicocatty @hotchandspencearedilfs @kodiakwhiskey

131 notes · View notes

hoe-doroki · 3 years

Text

steel and lace

minors do not interact

warnings: 18+, anal play, sex toys, voyeuristic fantasy, scratching, creampie

pairing: bakugou x fem!reader

wc: 3.8k

summary: The only one who manages to get Bakugou’s birthday right is you.

a/n: This is my addition to the Bakugou Birthday Bash collab (masterlist). Many thanks to @lady-bakuhoe for helping me flesh out the ideas with this story!! You were integral to this idea, love! And additional thanks to @whats-her-quirk and @therealvalkyrie for beta reading <333

edit: I no longer write x reader but here’s my old masterlist - mobile | desktop

Bakugou never took work off on his birthday.

Never. Why would he? Villains didn’t give a shit that this was the day the old hag had unceremoniously had him evacuated into a hospital room however many years ago. They didn’t give a shit that his friends—who were also heroes who should be fucking working, by the way—wanna come over to his house and surprise him. As though his reconnaissance-trained ears weren’t as fucking fine tuned at hearing idiots on the other side of the door as theirs.

What villains should care about was that he was a year older, wiser, and fucking stronger, and he was going to kick all their asses. That was what he told all his idiot friends every year when they asked him if he was going to take off work.

Every year he regretted it.

The idiots he works with really must not care about hero work, because every year they want to send him out on a field post sugar crash from some store-bought cake with his name on it. Or buy him gifts that he’ll probably toss in the trash on the way home. He’s not being rude; he just doesn’t need junk that he never would have bought himself in the first place.

Everyone is always grinning at him, wishing him a happy birthday—as though he’s any goddamn happier to see their ugly mugs flapping their lips at him—and trying to start stupid-ass conversations. If he doesn’t like small talk normally, why would he want it on his birthday?

And the singing.

If people really wanted to wish him a happy birthday, they’d find a way to do it silently while doing some respectable fucking hero work. Make his day easier.

But no, none of that was what happened. So he should have just stayed home. Let the villains have a fucking field day on April 20th, and he could have his real gift killing them all tomorrow on the 21st.

But, unfortunately, he was a dumbass and had gone to work anyway, like he’d learned nothing from the last many years of antics. And the continued antics had got him a little pissy. And when he was pissed off, his heart rate increased, his breathing grew heavier, and, of course, he sweat.

Well. Guess what happened?

“Bakugou, I am currently paying to treat burns and fractures on three villains. Care to explain?”

Best Jeanist was sitting in his office chair, blinding sunlight streaming in behind him. Late afternoon sun—darker in color but way more resentful towards human eyes, apparently. It was reflecting off of all of the neighboring glass corporate buildings, making Bakugou squint behind his mask.

Bakugou shrugged, petulant as he stood behind his chair instead of sitting in it. “Overkill.”

Best Jeanist nodded. “Did you…lose control?”

“Tch,” Bakugou scoffed. As if he ever lost control. “Villains were weaker than I thought.”

Bakugou felt the stare of that one fucking eye and stood firm. He knew he was looking at a suspension, hopefully just for a day or two. It wasn’t like he’d done anything terrible. Villains got hurt sometimes, just like pros did, and they got their care and then they got their justice. It’s not like Bakugou was violent on purpose. Anymore. And Jeanist sure as hell knew that, so it wouldn’t take Bakugou off the field for more than a slap on the wrist. He probably wouldn’t even be technically suspended. Just chained by the fucking dick to his desk with some paperwork.

“Just…” Bakugou braced for it, narrowing his eyes but keeping his snarl to a minimum. “Just be more careful next time. Shower and go home—see you tomorrow.”

Bakugou’s jaw dropped. He closed it quickly, trying not to look like Dunce Face in front of his boss, but in all that was real and true what? He was just about to say something—he didn’t know what, probably something insubordinate—when Best Jeanist took out his own paperwork and waved him away.

“Happy birthday, Bakugou.”

Oh. So that was it.

Bakugou grit his teeth. Happy fucking birthday indeed.

It was nothing. His brain told him over and over again that it was fucking nothing. He hadn’t been punished, he hadn’t even really done anything wrong; he just hadn’t been squeaky clean up to fucking code. He could still show up for work tomorrow, business as usual. He should be tickled fucking pink.

But he wasn’t. Special treatment for being the birthday boy? What was he? Five years old and given a pass after stealing the chicken nuggets off Deku’s plate? Jesus Christ.

And if he was honest, he was mostly pissed at himself. Sure, he could blame how the weather always seemed to sprint from spring to summer around his birthday every year, strengthening his quirk. He could blame the villains for being weak enough that they had no business even stepping foot in his neighborhood. But losing control of his quirk even a little—and it had been a little—was fucking amateur and he’d have to pencil in some extra time at the gym. Maybe snatch Shitty Hair for some sparring, and, unfortunately, probably nab an extra therapy session and talk about this anger thing again.

At least walking instead of sitting on that stifling, crowded train car was doing him some good. Let him cool off a bit before he got home and you saw that something was wrong. He was nearly entirely relaxed by the time he got to his building’s lobby, even having the grace to nod at the concierge—who didn’t know it was his birthday, thank God—before heading up the elevator.

When he got off on his floor, it suddenly occurred to him that you might have done something truly repulsive, like inviting his friends over. He could imagine Shitty Hair’s shitty fucking hair sticking up from behind your sofa as he tried to hide before leaping up and yelling surprise.

Well, if that was the case, then the surprise was going to be him kicking all his dumb friends out of the apartment with one foot. Ain’t no way he was going to host a party on his birthday.

It turned out his worry was for nothing, though, because when he turned the knob—fully braced to punch out some teeth with his other hand—he was greeted with a totally bare apartment.

Like barren.

For starters, it was perfectly clean. Bakugou kept a tidy house normally, but this was certainly cleaner than he’d left it this morning. But more than that, there was nothing extra lying around. No stupid friends. No presents. No cake or even the smell of one. It was almost disconcerting.

No, it was a relief. A relief because he didn’t want any of that stuff. He’d had the slice of cake at work—and was slightly hangry now to show for it—and wasn’t interested in having another. And even though you’d choose better gifts than the extras at work would, it was nothing he couldn’t buy himself. So no, this was perfect. He was absolutely not disappointed. Maybe a bit confused. But not disappointed.

He took his shoes off and set his things on the small table by the door. Then he wandered into the kitchen, downed some water, and thought about what he might make for dinner. He might have expected that you and he would make dinner together or maybe even that you would have surprised him with something, but he didn’t mind doing it alone. It wasn’t like he’d learned to cook just to find a housewife someday to con into doing it all for him.

He decided to go to the bedroom first to plug in his phone. He was just sliding it out of his pocket when he opened the door, saw you, and stopped short.

You were on the bed—not in bed, but on it—wearing a black zip up with his signature orange x over the chest. You were on your knees with your legs spread wide, looking him dead in the eye with a deadly smirk on your face, painted in bright lipstick.

“New prototype. You like?”

The two of you had met when you were scouted from his parents’ business to design the clothing for his first merchandise line. He’d sworn off dating you from the beginning, because the last thing he wanted was to give the old hag anything to say about, firstly, her being at all responsible for finding him a girlfriend or secondly, the fact that dating a fashion designer would mean he was dating his parents. He’d said fuck that to anyone who would listen.

But you’d gotten his brain from the beginning. Your designs were all sick from the sketch to mock up to the prototypes you always wore for him. Maybe he was a simple man for falling for a girl dressed in his colors, aiming to please him, but fuck it. You were talented, too smart for your own good, and pretty as hell.

So what? Now he had a dream girlfriend and one more reason to fight with his mom. Net positive for sure.

Still, that jacket wasn’t a prototype. That was from his first official line, no doubt, and he’d seen you wear it hundreds of times. He knew from here how much it would smell like detergent and how much like you.

You caught his eyes, raised your brows once, and then pulled the zip on the sweatshirt.

Underneath was nothing but lace and ribbon, contrasting the black and orange of the sweatshirt with moss green outlining your silhouette. The moss green from his gauntlets and his belt was caged around you in the thinnest strips of fabric, scraps of floral barely covering your breasts and pussy. The lingerie was an all-in-one, with the tiny bra connected to the panties by a few ribbons crossing over your belly. Not hiding a damn thing, but showing it off for all its worth.

“Fuck,” Bakugou groaned when the sweatshirt hit the bed, your arms still in the sleeves, but the look underneath now fully revealed to him. He could feel the blood going to his dick, just seeing you on display like that getting him up to half mast in seconds.

“Not a lot of coverage on this version,” you mused, sticking your thumb under a bra strap. “Maybe an edit for the second try?”

Bakugou growled, taking a step forward, but you weren’t done just yet.

“I was also thinking maybe full panties next time,” you said, turning around, sitting on your heels. The sweatshirt hung just below your ass, framing round cheeks that were caged by thin elastic crosses, and that was it. Not so much as a triangle of fabric to speak of. “Maybe write: Property of Dynamight on them? Or is that too much text?”

That was all it took for Bakugou to pounce. One arc of his fist had his shirt thrown with a smack to the floor and then his hands were on your shoulders, spinning you face up as he pushed you flat on the bed.

“You know I don’t like unnecessary words,” he growled.

And then he was kissing you, a hand running up the falke stockings pinned on your thighs as you pulled your arms out of the sweatshirt. One leg came up automatically to wrap around his hip, and Bakugou began rutting against your center, fully hard already. On his second grinding thrust, his pants snagged on the scrap of lace you were wearing. Wetness was already glistening on his trousers and he moved his thumb down to your core, groaning at what he felt.

“Crotchless panties?” he mumbled against your mouth. “You’re making this too easy, sweetheart.”

“Shouldn’t have to work so hard on your birthday,” you mewled.

There was a rumble in Bakugou’s throat, half scoff, half chuckle. “Yeah, remind me of that next year, will you?”

You were soaked already—the swipe of his thumb told you that much. Either you’d gotten really excited when he’d texted you that he was coming home early, or you’d…gotten yourself excited at some point after. Either way, it meant that foreplay could wait for round two.

He pulled his thumb away from your core and pressed it against your lip, smudging what lipstick had survived the kisses down your chin. You were half ruined already. You stuck your tongue out and licked at essence on his thumb before sucking it into your mouth, eyes wide as you looked up at him. Fuck, he could feel himself straining against his pants, grinding circles against your half-bare cunt for a spot of relief.

After you licked him clean, he took his hand back, leaving your mouth open and wanting as he began to fuss with the front of his pants. He caught your smudged lips again, holding your jaw with one hand as he pushed his pants down with the other. He pulled his lower half away from you, kicking off the pants—hadn’t bothered with boxers for the commute home—and let them slide off the edge of the bed.

“Ready?” he asked.

Your smile was big and you bit the tip of your tongue, nodding your head twice. That was all he needed. He grabbed his cock in his fist and slid it through your wetness just once, and then he pushed himself in.

Immediately, he felt the drag of something hard and angled against your lower wall right along his cock, pressing from tip to base as he slid home inside of you.

“Woah,” he groaned. “What the fuck?”

You giggled, the action making your walls flutter against him.

“Got myself a new toy,” you said coyly, wrapping your legs around his hips. “Promise you can get yourself something pretty on my birthday too.”

Bakugou reach a hand around your thigh, feeling the elastic garter pulled taut against the stockings that were rubbing so deliciously against his back and his hips. He grabbed a handful of your ass, and the tips of his fingers felt a rounded edge of warm metal slid just between your ass cheeks.

“You fucking naughty minx.” Bakugou grinned, showing all his teeth, rearing back out of you before thrusting back in, feeling the novel pressure of the toy on the way out and back.

No wonder you had been so wet to begin with. You must have lubed yourself up before putting in that butt plug—which wasn’t small, from what he could feel of it. He could imagine you, one leg up on the sink, ass sticking out as you fingered yourself, mouth dropping open when you inserted the toy. How cold it would have been when it first touched your pert little hole and how you’d gotten it all warm for him as you waited with your little secret for him to get home.

“It’s curved to hit prostates,” you gasped as Bakugou rocked hard, steady thrusts into you. “In case you’re interested.”

The thought, much to Bakugou’s surprise, sent a thrill right through his belly down to his dick. He couldn’t help but slam rapidly into you, making your eyes roll back. Fuck, was that something he wanted? It wasn’t something he’d ever thought about, and he didn’t have the mind right now to ponder it.

“God you feel so big.”

“You feel so tight, sweetheart,” Bakugou grunted, refusing to acknowledge the fresh heat that was on his cheeks after your previous comment. “Squeezing me from all sides.”

The butt plug left it so there was barely enough room in your pussy for his cock to pump in and out. The pressure was hard on one side, making him fucking twitch every time the head of his cock caught against it, leading him to opt for long, deep thrusts in and out of you. It was so good that he didn’t even care if the only present he got for his birthday was a little hunk of stainless steel halfway up your ass. He’d gotten home five minutes ago and already he could feel his balls tightening, threatening to bust a nut.

“Just think of it, Katsuki,” you said, your voice dreamy as he fucked you raw. “All the women wearing this set, thinking of you when they show it off for their partners. All wishing that you were the one fucking them. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, baby? But they’ll never have anything but their husband’s sad cock that they pretend is yours.”

“Fuck,” Bakugou growled, putting a hand on the headboard and nearly splintering it in his grip. You were riling him up and it made him want to press his palm flat against the burnished oak and let off his quirk, send shards flying. His hand was already drenched with more sweat than it should have been, just like with those villains earlier. Goddamn this time of year. He couldn’t help it; his quirk begged for it. He was in dire need of release of some kind, and it wasn’t like he could cum yet. He had to know how your pussy felt when it convulsed around him, ass cheeks tensing and squeezing that toy hard against his cock until he was spurting into you.

Bakugou let off a few crackling pops from his palm, moaning as relief filled him, the tension lessened for a moment. A faint smell of wood smoke spread through the room, slightly embittered by the resin blackening around his hand. One more scorch mark on the bed frame. You groaned underneath him, taken by the sight of Bakugou’s ever-tight control slipping for you. You knew he’d fuck you through the bed until the rest of the frame gave way if he wanted. You’d both be flat on a busted mattress and he’d keep going until he felt you clench around him.

“How’s that sound, Katsu?” you continued, your voice growing higher as Bakugou took his hand off the headboard and pressed four fingers, still sweaty and heated from his quirk, against the lace covering your clit. It was soaked through. “A-Ah, you’d like the idea of a woman home alone, dressed up just for you, fucking herself on the dildo she hides in the back of your closet, screaming out your name and hoping to God that her neighbors don’t hear?”

Bakugou couldn’t do the long, slow thrusts anymore. Your legs had grown tighter around his waist, your calves soft and silken against his ass as he kept his thrusts deep. The butt plug was rubbing against the base of his cock as he pounded into you, his fingers swiping over your clit with little finesse, but speed and steady pressure making up for it.

“But no matter…” you continued, the words coming out in little huffs as you panted with your head thrown back. Bakugou couldn’t resist leaning down and licking a line up the length of your neck, biting your earlobe when he got to the top, “no dildo, no matter how expensive, no matter how long and fat, will be good enough. The whole time…they’ll know they’re missing out. Oh, fuck.”

All of a sudden, your thighs were squeezing tight against his hip bones, arms thrown over his back and finger scratching hot lines that would mark him even more as yours tomorrow. Then you were gasping, walls squeezing and Bakugou fought against your grip to pull out just enough so that the metal toy was rubbing just over the cleft of his head with every convulsion.

He didn’t stand a chance. There was hardly any warning before he was cumming into you, streaks of his seed dribbling out of you. He couldn’t even pump himself through it; you were gripping him so tightly and, more than that, he didn’t want to move. Everything was white hot, so he just waited it out, barely moving save for where his hand was still rubbing over your clit.

Eventually you stopped him, grabbing his wrist just as the grip of your cunt loosened around him. Then you brought his hand, glistening with moisture, up to your mouth, and broadly laved your tongue from the base of his fingers to the tips, looking him dead in the eye. You then brought his hand down to your neck, and allowed him to streak the combined fluids across and down your décolletage.

Fuck—there was no way he was going to work on his birthday next year. He’d let villains overtake the city first.

“They’ll know they’re missing out,” you breathed, and it took Bakugou a second to figure out that you were continuing your voyeuristic fantasy from before, playing it out to the end, “They might even think they understand. But the only one who will truly know, is me.”

You smiled, your eyes and grin both heavy, sleepy, sated.

“Got that fucking right,” Bakugou said, pulling out of you, his cum already dripping down your ass. He eyed it, only catching a glimpse of the glinting metal plug before your legs fell to the bed, spread and limp. He smacked your hip lightly with one hand. “Roll over.”

In no mood to argue, you flipped willingly, ass up, plug still hidden from view. The lingerie was damp in some spots from where your wetness had spilled from your pussy. He leaned his mouth towards one of the strips of elastic stretching against the swell of your ass and bit. You gasped, back arching, and Katsuki smirked as he pulled away.

“A fucking lingerie line?”

A chuckle escaped your throat. “It was supposed to be a joke, but now…”

Katsuki pinched the elastic with his fingers and snapped it, watching the slight jiggle of your cheeks as you jolted. “No.”

“But Katsuki,” you whined.

“Mm,” he amended, as close to ‘maybe’ as you were going to get. You both could always talk about the idea—truly ridiculous idea—later. Katsuki put a hand on one cheek under the strips of lingerie and spread it.

There was the plug, a stainless steel handle. It was thin and shaped like an oblong donut, not like one of those cheap bejeweled things. This one, even just what he could see of it, screamed quality, and, for a moment, Bakugou wondered again what it would be like to wear. If you’d gotten it in, he sure as fuck could. And he did hold a certain anatomical advantage in using it.

He put his thumb and forefinger to the phalange and gave the toy a twist, pressing it just slightly deeper into your hole. You groaned, your voice low and deep in the pillow like when he gave you a back massage. He smirked and kept at it. Seemed this was a birthday gift for him after all.

“Katsu, don’t tease,” you moaned. “Sensitive.”

Bakugou, however, had no mercy. He flipped you over again, pulling a little yelp from you, and then picked you up bridal style, carrying you off the bed.

“Where are we going?” you asked, your voice suddenly much more awake.

“Shower,” he answered simply. He squeezed the meat of your upper thigh. Not quite your ass but close enough for the point to be made. “I’m not done with my present yet.”

#bakugou smut #bakugo smut #bnha smut #mha smut #tw: voyeurism #not/sfw #bakugou birthday bash

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bokutosworld · 3 years

Text

convenience store stranger | suna rintarou

pairing: suna x f!reader word count, genre: 2.1k words, college au. fluff. another meet cute story lol. warning: none summary: in which your late shifts become less boring and more interesting when a cute stranger stumbles in at 2 AM. a/n: my first time writing for suna god im scared but i really liked how this turned out!!

The first time he meets you happens on one of his late night convenience store runs. It was exams season and Suna’s been pulling all-nighter after all-nighter. To say he was exhausted would’ve been an understatement.

He’s barely making it through on the third night and if he didn’t take a break soon, he was sure he’d have passed out on his desk. With his mind hazy from reading too many words and trying to understand a semester’s worth of lessons in one night, he decides to stand up and get some fresh air.

Which is how he found himself currently standing at aisle four of the only convenience store that was still open near his apartment. He scans the rack for something that can wake him and his brain up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing but he could definitely feel eyes burning holes in the back of his head.

He settles on a pack of jelly sticks and a cup of spicy instant noodles and heads towards the counter. You mutter a greeting when he reaches the cashier and begin scanning his items.

When he hands over the cash for payment, your fingers brush with his cold ones, making you recoil harshly as if he was repulsing.

“Something wrong?” He laughs when he sees your reaction. “I know I look like a mess now but I won’t bite you.” He bends his knees slightly, tilting his head to get a look at your embarrassed face.

“No, I’m sorry.” You avoid his intense gaze, continuing to pack his purchase. When you look at him, he’s still staring with his piercing eyes that it almost takes your breath away.

Shaking your head to bring yourself to reality, you give him his items. “Your hands felt cold and I was just shocked.” You feel that same electricity sparking between you again when he takes the bag from you. “I.. well.. thank you. Have a great evening.”

“It’s 2 AM,” Suna chuckles and you sigh before correcting yourself and bowing to him in goodbye. “See you around,” he shouts over his back as he walks out the door. It was the first time he saw you in that store and he was sure it wasn’t going to be the last.

The second time he’d actually planned it according to your shift. If his past trips to the store were anything to go by, he’d learned that you always took the evening shift. It was something he discovered after being called out by your co-worker on the third time that he restlessly looked around the store during a visit.

He should be on his bed, phone in his hand as he mindlessly scrolled until he fell asleep. But with the memory of his interaction with you lingering on his mind, he wanted to see you.

“Hey, got time for a customer?” He greets the moment he steps inside the empty convenience store. You look up from the book that you were reading and quickly stand to welcome him. “What are you reading?”

Hiding the book from his view, you retort, “Aren’t you going to buy something?”

He grins, taking in your tired disposition and the bags that had formed under your eyes before retreating to the shelves. When he returns, he slides over a can of energy drink, iced coffee, and a large bag of chips.

You assume he’d leave immediately once he’s paid for everything. You certainly didn’t expect him to take out the coffee and give it to you.

“This is for you.” He opens his own drink and leans by the counter. “Doesn’t it ever get boring here? I mean it’s midnight and you’re alone. I’m betting not many people even drop by at this time.” He faces the door, crossing his arms around his chest and staring at both of your reflections at the glass.

Worn out from your classes in the day, you take his coffee offering, instantly feeling the rush of caffeine flow through your veins and waking you up. “The job pays relatively well. Besides I can’t really work in the mornings, I have uni.”

“So you’re a college student too.” He turns around and extends a hand out to you. “I’m Suna Rintarou.”

You introduce yourself as you shake hands with him. And as soon as pleasantries were exchanged, he immediately launched into a story about how his earlier day went. He was a natural conversationalist and despite this being your first time talking with him, you didn’t feel an ounce of awkwardness. You didn’t know what it was about him but his presence made you feel comfortable.

You learned about what he was studying (to your surprise, Psychology), how he spends his weekends playing volleyball (he was a middle blocker and an excellent one at that, he boasted), and how he ended up here during the night he first saw you (the all-nighter went well and he passed all his exams).

He rips open the chips he bought and offers you some as you lay your story before him. He munches as he listened to you rant about how you loathed your course (Business Management) and the many case studies and papers you had to do each day. He nods his head in understanding as you explain why you needed this part-time job (to pay for apartment fees).

You were having so much fun in his company that you didn’t notice the time pass by. (He arrived to the store at 12:32 AM. The clock on the wall now reads 2:32 AM). And for the duration of his stay, you were surprised that no one ever came by. He only ever left your side when a taxi driver walked in.

Suna steered clear from the counter and kept his distance as you did your job. From your peripheral, you could see that he watched you like a hawk from the side and it made you somehow conscious. When the customer exited, you playfully threw a tissue at him,

“I couldn’t concentrate when you were standing there and looking at me like that!”

He went back to his position but this time, he leaned close with his hands on the counter. “Like what?"

Well how could you say to him that you thought he looked effortlessly hot in his sweatshirt and track pants? And was that an adorably messy bedhead? How could you say that you liked the teasing smile that he’d been giving you throughout the night?

You chuckle and shake your head, “Nothing.” You reach for the book you were reading prior his arrival and took your seat. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow? You should go back.”

“Do you not want me around anymore?”

“It’s not that, I…”

He cuts you off, “Good, then it’s settled. I’m not going anywhere. I like talking with you too much to go back home. Let me entertain you some more.” He sits down at the chair on one of the tables near the counter and then goes back to chatting with you.

Since that night, Suna had been scheduling more trips to the convenience store. Sometimes, he’d really only visit to bother you. At times, he’d bring his books and laptop with him so he could work on a paper while you restocked the shelves and cleaned around. On rare occasions, he’d help you out on a business plan and the customers who’d enter the store would be amused at the sight of you and him huddled behind the counter with your serious thinking faces on.

He’d become a part of your life that it felt unnerving not to have him around on your shifts. And it certainly showed on your face how disappointed and heartbroken you were when consecutive nights passed without his visits. Your co-worker even called you out on it.

“So where’s the cutie been?” She asked one time when the two of you were at the back lounge while you logged in for your shift. You groan at the nickname she gave him and she laughs at you.

“How would I know?”

“Don’t you guys talk almost every day and night?”

“Only on nights that he visits me.” You pause, thinking about the possibilities why he could’ve stopped coming. And before you knew it, you were ranting. “God, are we even friends? I don’t know his number. Did he ghost me? Is this considered ghosting? It’s been a week. I’m scared I did or said something.”

She’s watching you pace around the room. “Maybe he got bored of me. Or maybe he realized I’m not really worth his time and dipped. Sleeping is much better than hanging out with me at 1 AM anyway.”

You’re stopped in your tracks when she suddenly grabs your shoulders. “Overthinking is not a good look on you.” She makes you take deep breaths to calm down. “I’m sure he’s just busy right now. He’ll visit again soon.”

“I don’t know why I’m being like this.”

The look she gives you is incredulous, her mouth gaping wide at your statement. “Are you serious?”

“What?” You ask, not anticipating the next words that would come from her.

“It’s obvious that you like him.”

The next time you see him was on campus. You don’t know how long it’s been since he last spent time with you on your shift. (Though if you were counting, you were definitely sure that it’s been two weeks and three days since then.)

You tried not to think too much about what his absence could mean but the pang in your heart never left. Those two weeks that he didn’t show up allowed you some time to think about your conversation with your friend. You like him.

Back then, you were too quick to shut down the idea. Denying any ounce of feeling for the boy as you saw him as no more than someone who had too much time on his hands to bother you on your shifts. A good friend is what you specifically used to defend your relationship with him.

So then why was it that your heart was beating so rapidly as Suna waved at you from across the cafeteria? Why couldn’t you stop smiling as you watched him make his way to your table and sit down beside you?

“Hey there.” He slings his arms around and pulls you for a side hug. “Long time no see.”

You almost couldn’t hear him over the loud thumping of your heart in your ears. He’s still smiling and waiting for you to reply. “Yeah, been a while. I’ve gotten the peace and quiet back in my shifts.”

He breaks out in laughter while opening a snack bar. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to stop by. I just came out from a major presentation that I’ve been preparing for during the past weeks. And guess what?”

You perk your eyebrows at his question. “What?”

“Our group did great.” He raises a hand for a high-five and you indulge him. “The teacher liked our slides and our analysis of the topic. Ah, I feel so good right now!” He leans back with his hands behind his head, but he suddenly jerks.

“We should go out!” Suna grabs your hands and looks at you expectantly. “You’re free the whole day tomorrow right? You’re not working the shift? Let’s celebrate. It’s my treat!”

Feeling overwhelmed by his invitation and his overall excitedness, you laugh and pull back. “Calm down, Suna. I don’t know about tomorrow.”

“Why? Are you busy?”

“Not really but..”

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem.” He tucks a loose hair behind your ear, leaning close with his voice barely over a whisper, “It’s perfect. I’ve wanted to take you on a date for a long time now.”

“What?” You stare at him wide-eyed.

“Come on, you’ve never thought about us?” He finds the situation entertaining. Your flustered reaction reminds him of the night that he met you.

“Why do you think I’ve been coming to the convenience store when I could be sleeping at that time? I like being around you. My day doesn’t feel complete if I don’t at least see you or tell you about my day or listen to you rant about the latest episode of your favorite series.”

You like him.

“Go out with me.” He kisses the back of your hand. “Please?”

The corners of your lips unconsciously curves up and Suna sends your heart doing somersaults when he says something about how he’s finally got to see the beautiful smile he’s been wanting to see for weeks.

Your friend was right. You do like him.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #suna x reader #suna imagines #haikyuucafe #haikyuucreations #suna fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu fics #suna x y/n #suna x you #haikyuu x you #suna rintaro x reader #hq suna #suna rintaro #haikyuu!!

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dokoni-mo · 3 years

Text

She Truly Was || Muzan Kibustsuji x F!Reader

Summary: Enmu helps Muzan remember you.

SFW // Fluff with small amounts of Angst

Word Count: 4626

WARNINGS: *slight Mugen Train spoilers*, slight mentions of implied sexual activity, obsessive(?) behavior, Muzan is soft for one person only, some angst, mentions of injury, mentions of blood, I also barely proofread this lol

A/N: I've had this in my head for a while and decided to write it down. This is largely just a compilation of scenarios I made in my head to fall asleep at night when I was stressing over exams and stuff, all loosely thrown together with a plot. This is my first time writing for demon slayer, so please be patient! I also am basing a lot of my info about the characters on s1 of the anime, some of the manga, and the wiki. I apologize if something isn't accurate. tldr; I just think he's neat.

Despite having lived through thousands of years with hundreds of stormy nights in the midst, Muzan Kibutsuji never learned to appreciate them.

Something about nights like those in Japan just never sat right with the demon. It wasn't that they were too dreary, not at all. Life as a demon was plenty dreary. On the other hand, it wasn't that they were to lively either. No one ever went out on stormy nights; demon or not. Perhaps it was just because the rain was another reminder of the singularity that was being a demon. The poignant pitter patter just seemed to have a way of whispering to whoever heard it, telling them the most unpleasant yet quiet truths of their lives.

After Muzan's bloody meeting with the lower moons, he had told Enmu his task Muzan had planned for the pitiful, weaker demon. Although he had doubts that Enmu could hear him over the sound of the weaker demon's screams of pain from the blood he gave, Muzan was pleasantly surprised when Enmu understood the orders the first time around. Seeing as though it would cause trouble if the lower moon started to go around bragging about his newfound power and job, Muzan decided it would be best to keep a crimson eye on the demon.

This is what led to the scene before Muzan now.

Muzan had taken Enmu back to one of his many properties scattered across Japan, this one being tucked away in a lush, quiet forest in the middle of seemingly nowhere. The lower moon had not said a word throughout the entire journey there, and still refused to say anything now. Most likely out of fear.

Although it had been a long day of wrangling the lesser worms he called pawns (or "moons" if he was generous), Muzan did not want to show any weakness towards Enmu by resting. To busy himself, Muzan decided to do the tedious work the humans have him do in the job he took to please his human wife.

That insufferable woman.

With his bowler hat placed on his desk, Muzan had taken a seat in his large, leather chair, ordering Enmu to stand at the edge of the desk and face the opposite way. And, for extra edge, he was not to say or do anything.

It had been about two hours since then. The room was filled with only the sounds of Muzan's writing and the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner.

Although he ordered it to be that way, Muzan was already sick of it.

Peering his red eyes up from the papers scrawled below him, Muzan fixated his bone-chilling gaze upon the back of Enmu's head. Muzan could see the corners of the lower moon's mouth turned upwards as he faced the wall, presenting himself with an expression of dumb content.

Freak.

Enmu was definately a curious specimen. So eager to die, yet so eager to please Muzan. The demon lord would have been confused if he were not who he was.

Perhaps it was his own boredom setting in, perhaps it was because he wanted to feed his already gargantuan ego, or perhaps it was just because he was tired, Muzan decided to speak up.

"Tell me," Muzan said, his deep, smooth voice making Enmu perk up slightly, "Why is it that are you so loyal to me?"

Enmu took this as an opportunity to finally move, but not without some caution. The lower demon only turned his neck towards Muzan, along with a tilt of his shoulder. Muzan noted the disobedience of orders, but decided to let it slide this time.

The rain must have told him to be generous that night.

"Why, Master Kibustsuji," Enmu said, a faint blush adorning his cheeks, "It is because I am so delighted to be in your presence, and have my power be of service to you."

The demon lord felt his jaw clench at this, his red eyes peering up at the lower moon from under his abyssal lashes. Although Enmu had an... odd, way of putting things, Muzan always did like it when someone stroked his ego, even if all they ever said was the same banter over and over again. He was nearly perfection, afterall.

Muzan sat quietly and pondered Enmu's response for a second, before formulating his own.

"Your power, as you put it," Muzan said, his voice firm, "What is it?"

Enmu's grin widened, "Dream Manipulation, Master. I can enter, manipulate, or control anyone's dreams however I want to. I can use it to kill from the inside, eating a person spirit first and body second. I can also put people to sleep."

Muzan wasn't necessarily impressed by this, but he wasn't disappointed either. An ordinary power, really. Nothing that could ever rival his own.

However...

Muzan's gaze flickered down to the surface of his desk. A flicker of a long lost yet not forgotten feeling bubbled deep inside of his being. A mere spark of light, really, a piece of warmth he felt from long ago, lost to the wayside by the vestiges of time.

It was something Muzan thought he would never experience again.

Dream manipulation, huh?

It might be worth a try.

Muzan looked back up to Enmu, sharpening his gaze, "Tell me, are you able to give... pleasant dreams?"

Enmu was surprised to hear this come from Muzan to say the absolute least. He took this as another opportunity to disobey orders and turn to Muzan again, this time fully and whole-heartedly. The lower moon looked right into those blood red eyes, looking for any sign of a rare flicker of humor or joking.

Muzan's gaze was serious, poised as ever.

Muzan was being for real.

Taking a pause to swallow, Enmu allowed his soft smirk to return to his gray, pale face.

"Why," the lower moon retorted, "I can, Master, yes."

Muzan eyed the lesser demon for a good second at his response.

This move was risky. It could damage his image. Yet, if he was to do this with any of his pawns, he would do it with Enmu. Enmu seemed to have no intent on harming Muzan or his image in any way; he was far too loyal for that.

Besides, if someone were to question the might of Muzan, he could just prove them wrong.

Muzan leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and lacing his fingers together, wrapping them around his knee. His icy gaze still on Enmu, he spoke again.

"I wish to see a pleasant dream."

Muzan nearly rolled his eyes when he saw just how wide Enmu's grin had gotten and just how flushed his face got.

It was repulsive.

But, if it meant what Muzan thought it would mean...

It was worth stomaching.

After a breif moment used to compose himself, Enmu's smile faded to normal again. He pulled up the sleeves to his coat.

"I will give you a dream where you will experience the happiest days of your life over again, Master Kibutsuji," the lower moon stated, "Is this to your liking or would you prefer something else?"

"No," Muzan stated flatly, "That is fine."

Perfect, even.

Enmu smiled widely one last time, holding out his arm and pointing it at the demon lord.

"Sweet dreams, my lord." Was the last thing Muzan heard before falling into a deep, deep sleep.

"Muzan..."

Despite his blood demon art being so much weaker than his, Muzan wasn't quite ready for just how Enmu put him into a dream like that. Muzan's headache had grown ten-fold now, and he could feel that his face was scrunched.

"Muzan..."

Slowly but surely regaining his full consciousness, Muzan could first feel that he was in different clothes than what he had been wearing before. These ones were lighter, softer, and much more airy than his normal suit. Squinting open his crimson eyes, he saw that he was in what appeared to be a long, dark, flowing kimono.

The second thing Muzan could feel was that it was rather cool where he was, and that he appeared to be lying on the ground. Sifting his weight slowly, he could then feel that his head was lain upon what felt like two soft, plush pillows firmly squished together.

The third thing, however, took him a little longer to discern quite that it was. At first, he thought it was a pair of chopsticks running across his scalp over and over again. Upon, further thought, however, Muzan was further snapped back into awareness.

Those were not chopsticks.

Those were fingers.

All too familiar fingers.

"Muzan..!"

Muzan felt a stir deep down inside of him. He recognized this feeling, this touch, this warmth. It had been so, so long since he had felt like this. How long was it again? It had to be an eternity ago. An eternity wrapped within all time time in the world.

Muzan was speechless. Muzan couldn't move. Muzan was struck from deep within, and nothing in the world could ever compare to its blow.

"Muzan!"

Although the calling of the demon's lord name had been going on for some time now, he was just now able to respond.

Tilting his chin upwards towards the voice's source, Muzan nearly fell to bits right then and there. If he was someone else, he would have wept deep, earnest tears at the very sight of the being above him. For everything and nothing surrounded him as he studied the bright, radiant face above him, and nothing else seemed to exist other than that smile.

Other than her.

Her.

Oh, her, her, her.

His beloved. His sun, moon and stars. The ground beneath his feet and the air around him. His joy and love, his woes and sorrow. His fears and excitement. His warmth and his cold.

You.

You were really here.

"I was wondering if you were ever gonna wake up," you said, a faint laugh behind your voice, "You were out for so long!"

This scene was all too familiar to Muzan. He had replayed it in his head countless times, as if it were the only record left in the world.

He knew what this day was, and he knew all of your lines.

How could he ever forget?

Every moment he had ever spent with you had been a blessing.

Right now, his head was cradled in your lap, your soft, delicate fingers combing through his hair oh so gently as he had slept. It was deep into the night, and ordinarily Muzan would not be sleeping at this time. However, your touch was just so relaxing to him.

Everything about you was.

Today, you and him had spent the night wandering through the garden of your home together, chatting about anything and everything. It was only about two months into your relationship with Muzan. Muzan had first come to your home with the intention of eating everyone within the residence, but once he saw your face, watched you, saw your heart, your spirit, your you, he just couldn't.

He just...

couldn't.

You were human, yes.

But Muzan didn't care.

He was in love with you.

Muzan had yet to tell you the truth about him, however.

But that could come later.

"Muzan, are you alright?" He heard your voice echo again, snapping him out of his trance. He saw your face painted with worry, making his own features soften.

His darling angel. If only you knew just how much it pained him to see you with anything other than a smile.

Muzan reached his hand upwards, steadily maneuvering his fingers to brush your hair behind your ear and cup your warm cheek. He was shocked at how real you felt, shocked at just how similar it felt to all those years ago.

Perhaps Muzan had to give Enmu a reward.

The demon lord caressed your cheek gingerly with his cold, calloused thumb, savoring in just how warm your flesh was compared to his. For the first time in what felt like eons, Muzan felt a smile adorn his handsome features. Not one put on just to appease the humans around him, but genuine. The type of smile only you got to see.

Only you.

"I'm more than alright, my darling." He responded, his voice soft and warm, without the normal venom he gives to his subordinates. A voice reserved restrictively for you.

Finally, you let a soft grin come over your heavenly face again, making all seven of Muzan's hearts swell.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," you said, "But it's about to be dawn soon. I don't want you to get a burn, so let's go in the house again, okay?"

Ah yes, the lie Muzan told you. He, of course, couldn't be with you in the sunlight (as much as he wanted to). So he had told you that he had a rare disorder that made him extra prone to sunburns and heatstroke.

Just something to keep you safe from the truth.

His soft smile still adorning his features, Muzan gave you a nod as he slid his head off of your lap. Since you were on your knees, you were quicker to stand than him. Brushing off your kimono quickly, you offered one of your hands to Muzan to help him stand, of which he gladly took. He had long since forgotted just how perfectly your hand fit into his, along with how radiant your kimono made you look.

Once he was back on his feet, Muzan couldn't help but to hold your arms, holding you a few feet away from him to simply admire you for a moment, his crimson eyes doing laps around your face and body.

You were perfect to him.

Every single thing about you was without flaw in his eyes. Not one curve of your body was too shallow or too wide. Not one strand of your hair was misplaced or without poise. Not one feature on your face took away from your radiant beauty. And you had not one bad bone inside of your body.

Muzan was never one to believe in angels.

However, if anyone in any part of the world were to tell him that you were one of them, straight from the heavens themselves,

He would believe them.

As soon as Muzan stepped through the door, his hand in your own, the scene before him changed in one giant, peaceful flash of white light.

Before him now was no longer the house that he had shared with you all those years ago. Now, in its place, was a beautiful, lush springtime garden, all dredged under the cover of the night. It was not devoid of light, however. There were a few lanterns afloat in the water of the stream, as well as some within the structure of the small bridge that went over top of it. Flowers adorned every nook and cranny of the space, and the occasional insect or bird would make a brief appearance.

A small slice of paradise, just for you and Muzan Kibutsuji.

Fearing that you were no longer by his side, Muzan turned his head. His fears were quickly subsided when he saw you there next to him. Your delicate hands were placed on the railing of the bridge, and your eyes were fixated on the calm water below, almost as if it were a window into the heavens above. There was a small smile plastered on your face, and the delicate lights illuminated each of your features so perfectly.

Muzan knew this night.

This was the night he told you the truth.

The truth about him, about his "condition", about where he went for days on end, about why he couldn't walk with you in the sun, about everything.

This was the one night Muzan had ever felt fear.

"Is it really true, Muzan?" You asked, your gaze still fixated on the water below, "Are you really a demon?"

Muzan felt his lips part in small surprise. Even though he had replayed this night time and time again in his mind, it felt as if this were all happening for the first time over again.

Enmu really was good at this.

Muzan wet his lips before responding, setting his gaze on your precious, beautiful face and refusing to move it, "Yes, my love. It is true. I would not lie to you about this, I..."

A pause to collect this thoughts, before he could continue, "I kept it from you to protect you, (Y/N). I did not want any harm to come to you. My darling, I... I love you. My love for you knows no bounds. You are the stars that shine at night, and you are the shining moon above. Each time I look upon you, all I can stand to think of is how deep my love for you runs. I... I need you, (Y/N). I do not wish for you to be frightened of me, my angel. I would never, not ever harm you, nor let any harm come to you."

You still weren't looking at Muzan, yet your smile had yet to falter. Muzan felt a bubble of nervousness in his gut. Although he knew your response to his words already, even thinking of this moment never failed to make his stomach churn. He hoped his words to you were enough. He doubted that he had ever said anything more truthful in his entire life.

After a long pause of silence between the two of you, you closed your eyes and widened your smile. Then, you opened your eyes again, finally turning to face your lover. You looked Muzan right in the eyes, seemingly unfazed that you were standing so dangerously close to the most powerful being alive.

You were so brave.

Your heart was so big.

Muzan felt so overwhelmed.

"Muzan," you said, your cheeks dusting a light pink.

What you said next to him, Muzan could never get out of his head, never forget. No matter how much he tried, he would never not ever forget your words in that moment.

Within that one short, simple phrase, the king of demons fell in love all over again.

"I've always known."

Another flash within his crimson eyes, and the scene had changed again. Nighttime again, of course, but this time within the confines of the bedroom you and Muzan shared. Both you and Muzan were nude, sans the blanket that covered the lower half of your forms. Muzan was on his back, one strong arm wrapped around you, the other cradling the back of his head. Your legs were intertwined with his, and your hair and hands were sprawled out on top of his lean, muscular chest.

Muzan knew this night as well.

It was his most loved night with you, but also his most dreaded.

How cruel fate was.

Stroking your back with the tips of his fingers, Muzan stared up at the ceiling above the two of you. Your body was flush against his, and as warm as ever. He wondered to himself if he was making you cold. If he was, you didn't seem to mind.

After a long period of savoring the silence between you and him, you softly snorted out a cute, soft giggle. This made Muzan angle his chin downward to look at the top of your head.

"What is it?" He questioned.

You giggled again, tilting your head up to look at him. Smiling, you turned your body to lay on top of the demon king, your breasts smushing against his own. Instinctively, Muzan laid his hands on your hips, rubbing small circles into them as he held you in place.

"I just find it funny that even though you profess to have so much stamina, you get tired after only two rounds." You explained to him, a playful mischievousness in your tone and eyes.

Muzan breathed out a smile, reaching up a clawed hand to brush your hair out of your face.

"As I recall it, you were the one complaining it was too much." He quipped back.

You snorted, "As if that ever stopped you before."

The demon let out a soft chuckle, leaning forward to give you a kiss on the forehead. Muzan couldn't remember ever laughing so genuinely before you came along. You truly were the light of his life. You filled his days with the sunlight he had long since forgotten, as well with the warmth no other demon could ever have.

He loved you.

He loved you he loved you he loved you.

And he still did.

He watched as you dropped your gaze to his chest, running your fingers along the flesh.

"Muzan..." you said, your voice more serious than before, "I've been thinking a lot lately..."

The demon king hummed, brushing more hair from your face.

"What has been on your mind, my love?" He asked.

You paused for a second before continuing on. Muzan could practically see the gears turning in your head.

"Well, I... I'm not getting any younger, you know, and I've been thinking. I... I really love you, Muzan. You're the only person I can imagine myself being with for the rest of my life. The other day, I was in town, and I saw the cutest family ever with a husband and a wife and two adorable little children, and it made me think..."

You looked up at him again, giving him a soft smile.

"What if we were to have a family of our own?"

Muzan could feel the same sense of joy, love, and pride in his chest as he did this same moment all those years ago. In this moment, he had never felt closer to you before, nor could you recall ever looking more beautiful.

He wanted nothing more than to be a family with you for the rest of eternity.

"Darling, you know what that would mean, correct?" He questioned you. He had told you long before that demons could only have offspring with other demons, for a demon baby would eat its human mother from the inside and kill her. It was gruesome, and had originally made you cringe at the thought. Muzan had thought your reaction was quite cute.

"Yes, yes, I know," you answered, "and I'd be ready for it. Even if I'm a demon, and even if I can never go out in the sun again or live normally ever again, I'd be happy knowing I got to be with you and our baby for the rest of time."

Muzan gave you a smile in return, his long, white fangs flashing in the light of the night. Leaning forward, he kissed you upon your soft, warms lips, gently pulling you closer to him.

This was one of the thousands of reasons why he loved you.

You were always so sweet, so kind and optimistic. He would admit, he did have a soft spot for you and you alone. But he didn't care. You were worth it. You were worth every single piece of money on planet earth. You were worth the sun the moon and the stars, and all the planets here and beyond. You were worth any injury, any heartache, and any trial or tribulation in the world.

The king of the demons unquestionably, unfathomably, undeniably, adored you.

Pulling gently away from the kiss, Muzan looked deep into your eyes, right past your pupils and looked right into your soul, your very being.

"I would want nothing more, my sunlight."

If Muzan could turn back the hands of time, he would have kept you here with him for the rest of everything and beyond.

For he did not know then that was the last kiss you and him would share.

Another flash, and Muzan was no longer greeted with a visage of the past. Much to his dismay, the demon was now greeted with the sight of his office, with a smiling Enmu creepily watching him from across his desk.

What a fucking freakshow.

Taking in a breath of air through his nose, Muzan sat up tall in his chair again, rubbing the bridge of his nose with this thumb and pointer finger.

You were gone again. You were again nothing up a memory, a whisper of a time from the past.

Muzan could hardly bare it.

He had felt you, held you near him.

And just as fast as you came back, you were gone again.

This was a pain almost too hard to bear.

How long was he asleep for? Muzan really didn't care how long it was.

No amount of time with you was enough.

"Did you have the pleasant dream you wished for, Master?" Enmu asked the demon king. The lesser moon was lucky Muzan was in a somewhat good mood that day.

"Yes." Muzan replied simply, closing his eyes to rub them with his thumb, "Excellent work."

Enmu's smile widened at this, his cheeks turning pink again.

"Why, thank you, Master." He responded, his excitement prevalent in his voice.

Enmu really was a special one.

After composing himself again, Muzan scooted his chair forward up to his desk, fixing his gaze back onto his work sprawled out below.

Muzan just wanted to be alone again after that. He had been alone for years now, but he wanted Enmu out of the room. Although he could have easily ordered it to be so, he again did not want to show any weakness to the lower moon.

Christ on a bike. Muzan was so fucking stubborn.

He remembered all the times you nagged him for it.

Oh, what he would give to have you nag him one last time.

After a long bout of silence, the lesser demon decided to speak up again. He turned his head over his shoulder again to Muzan, trying to sound as naieve and innocent as possible.

"Master," Enmu said, "Where is she now?"

Muzan stopped his movements and glared up at Enmu with a venomous glare. How dare he even refer to you. You were so far above him, how dare Enmu even think to invoke your name.

Though Muzan wanted to kill the other demon right on the spot, he decided against it. He still wanted to see how Enmu would do on his mission. Also, Muzan had to admit that he did feel lighter and more generous after his dream with you. And he supposed it was fair that Enmu had his questions.

Feeling nice, Muzan decided to entertain Enmu's question.

Shifting his gaze back to the papers below, Muzan replied.

"Gone." he said, "The night she asked about a family was the last night I saw her alive. The next day, a group of slayers found her and our house. They knew who she was and that she was human, but killed her anyway. All in attempt to get to me. I found her in a pool of her own blood, limp and cold. The slayers died that same night."

Enmu's smile faded at this, his face taking on a look of shock. Closing his lips into a tight line, Enmu looked away, out of a quiet unconscious respect. Everything made so much more sense to Enmu now. Why the demon king was the way he was, his hatred for slayers, his cold-hearted, murderous nature.

It all clicked into place.

"I... I am sorry for your loss, Master." He said, his voice quieter than normal, "She seemed like a lovely woman."

Muzan peered up at the back of Enmu's head. Through his thick, black lashes.

"Yes..." Muzan said.

"She truly was."

#demon slayer #kny fanfic #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba muzan #kimestsu no yaiba #demon slayer x y/n #demon slayer x you #demon slayer x reader #muzan kibutsuji #muzan kibutsuji x reader

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miioouu · 3 years

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Sakusa's Babysitter

Ok so here's part 2 of the Sakusa fic! You guys really enjoyed it and it made me so so happy!!

Warning:smut, age gap, sir kink...

The next day, when you walked out of your room, everything was normal. The kids were still asleep, silence reigning in the luxurious house, nothing new. It's when you made your way downstairs, expecting the kitchen to be vacant as always, your typical nanny day was about to be disturbed. There's your boss, shirtless, sitting at the table, coffee in hand and sports journal in the other. You fixed your hair, tug down on your short sleeping shorts a little, if you knew he was here, you would've prepared yourself beforehand, and cleared your throat. As soon as eyes met your figure, a polite smiled reached your lips followed by a "Good morning sir. I didn't know you had the day off today, I would've gotten up earlier and made you your breakfast. Did you sleep well?"

His response was mortifying. Accusing tone with a hint of teasing. Putting his mug down, staring right into your eyes, penetrating to your soul "Would've slept better if my sheets didn't smell like cherry blossom.... You know I prefer more musky, deep smells right? Did you change our typical products perhaps? Or is it something else?" An eyebrow raised, a malice curve to his lips, did he know? From the way he's speaking to you, so condescending, you were sure that he caught you. And you weren't really wrong. Feigning innocence and ignorance, you apologized, promising to change the sheets right away, and to prove that you bolted out of the kitchen as soon as you finished your sentence, you wanted to escape this thick tension.

Finally in his dark room, you softly closed the door behind you, finally letting out a deep breath. But don't relax way too fast Y/n, you haven't even looked at his bed yet. It looked messier than usual, a weird smell in the room that you couldn't pinpoint, but you were sure it wasn't cherry blossom. Lifting the cover off, your mouth hung open... Did you leave that? In the middle of the wrinkled sheets, a pool of white substance could be found, you're not dumb, you knew exactly what it was, you just didn't know whose it is. And it's a dirty idea you're having tight now, really, you could've just chucked them in the washing machine and forget about it right? But your mind had a better plan, a naughtier one for sure. Your hand sliding along the mattress feeling the soft cotton, reaching destination, dipping a fingertip in the drying out liquid. Your heart was beating fast, loud, too loud ringing in your head. Your mind going haywire trying to convince yourself to get a grip and do what you were supposed to do, but your unconsciousness craving for more, what if you just...? And you should've thought twice before guiding your hand to your mouth, tongue swirling around your fingers, tastes so good it made your eyes roll back... It's his, you can tell.

Too preoccupied tasting your boss, you didn't even notice that he was in the room all along, until a chuckle resonated in the large room. Your eyes went wide, your body froze, and your cheeks turned red in embarrassment and humiliation. That's it, that's the end of your dream life! "Can't believe such a dirty girl was taking care of my children.... Tell me though, does it taste good? Do you want more?" What were you supposed to answer, to say to that. You took to long, in his opinion, your mind too busy trying to decipher what's going on to give him a proper response, but you didn't need to now anyway. In an instant he was right before you, bent down and face to face, a malicious smile on his lips and you wonder since when does he smile like that. "I think you do, I can tell!" And with that you were pushed back, landing on the puddle wetting your thin shirt, feeling it stick to your skin. It should've repulsed you, but it only made the heat in your core stronger. The tip of his fingers, rough from years and years of volleyball, brushing alongside your thighs, going up, up, till they reached the hem of your shorts and sliding under, his thumb resting right between your thigh and your heat "You're gonna stay quiet for sir little one? Don't want my sons to wake up mmm?" You couldn't talk, only nod as he slid your drenching panties to the side, chuckling at your arousal. The other hand fast to push his sweats down his legs, surprised that a man like him wasn't wearing any type of underwear underneath, but that thought didn't last too long, because you were more worried about something else. Standing tall and proud, pink tip already drooling pre, and a prominent vein that you knew will make you see stars. The only things that brought you from you daydream is the sound of spitting echoing in the room, a liquid hitting your sensitive spot that made you whimper slightly.

His eyes never once left yours as he sunk into you, observing your every emotion, from the wrinkle of your eyebrows, your lips parting to let out a soft whimper, a sigh of relief as he barely bottomed out, too much for you to handle all at once. He started with a slow pace, though already making you feel dizzy with all the passion he's pouring into it. Now that you think about it, you never once saw him with a woman, he always said he's too busy for silly rendezvous, that explains the zeal he's putting out. Gradually becoming faster, deeper, hitting that spot inside of you that made you saw stars. Your nails digging into his forearm for support, like your life depends on it. You broke your promise, a moan escaped you as you couldn't contain it in anymore, it's all too much it's all too good. Years of experience showing as he pounded into you, relentlessly to add, the man was showing off you can tell by the chuckle that left him when you struggled to breathe out his name as quietly as you can. The hand that was once on your hip moving up, lacing around your throat and giving it a good squeeze. Your eyes rolled back, your back arched, and the air hitting your hot wet back had you shiver with goosebumps, had you biting down your lips, but in vain, your screams had to be let out.

The man is smart, he knows how to use his brain, but also his mouth "Didn't you promise to keep quite? I don't like it when you disrespect your sir.... Apologize to me right now" He waited for two seconds, his hand teasingly getting tighter, too tight to speak properly, and when you took your time to actually answer him, he stopped all movements, pulling out and ready to walk away, but you couldn't let him slip like that. As soon as his fingers left the already bruising skin of your neck you spoke, you begged, you cried for him to stay, to not leave you, promising him that you were so so sorry, and it genuinely surprised you when you saw a smile on his face, a rare one as he came back. Relief washed over you, but you didn't have time to savor it, he slipped inside you in one swift movement, his thrust sloppier but more intense than before, how is that even possible? And to make sure you won't break your promise again, he leaned in, slowly, almost hesitantly. His eyes bore into yours for a second before fluttering shut, for the first time, he locked his lips with yours, making the whole experience much more intimate than it was before. And you couldn't complain. Not when your entire body was shaking, your soul trembling from within with excitement and pleasure. Not when the knot kept getting tighter and tighter, threatening to break at any moment now. It's when his teeth nipped at your bottom lip, his tongue massaged yours sensually, his hands caressing you so softly like you're as fragile as porcelain, contrasting with the movements of his hips, furious and goal-oriented, the goal of breaking you apart, that you finally reached your high. Your back creating a perfect curve again, arching into him, you chests collided, he could feel the fast beating of your heart. Your nails dagger on his back, sinking into his skin is what triggered his climax, he painted your walls a warm white, the same you saw earlier this morning on his sheets.

You wanted to stay a little longer, catch your breath again and melt into his touch, but your boss had different ideas, ones that broke your heart into thousands of pieces. When the words left his mouth you couldn't help but feel... empty? Disappointed? But what did you expect from Sakusa Kiyoomi other than "Go get a shower and dress properly, the kids are going to wake up soon"...

Tags: @iheartkuroorin @psychedelicwh0r3

#sakusa x reader #sakusa smut #sakusa kiyoomi #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #smut #haikyuu smut #Sakusa kiyoomi x reader

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mionemymind · 3 years

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Chapter 1: Code 10-15

Favorite Crime

Series Summary: Y/n L/n, daughter of the villainous group, “The Gisbourne”. They’re known to do the cruelest things around the world in order to get what they want. In order to stray away from her family, Y/n is the founder and sole member of the vigilante group, “The Robins”. She does what she can in order to assist those in need of help in New York City.

However, what happens when the Avengers are tasked with finally defeating the Gisbournes? What happens when they use their newest member, Wanda Maximoff, to get to the black sheep of the family? What happens if they both fall in love? But what if it was all a mission to Wanda?

A/n: This story is told through different splices of Y/n and Wanda’s story. Italics are generally flashbacks. And be sure to read the lyrics of the story. It’s not in the same order as the original song but this is purposely done :) (Not my GIF)

Warnings: Betrayal, angst, cursing, happy ending

Word Count: 2.9k

Masterlist

Chapter 0 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Bonus

Know that I loved you so bad I let you treat me like that I was your willing accomplice, honey

“Guys, let me introduce you to our newest member of the team, Wanda Maximoff.” Heads turned as the brunette timidly walked into the room. She fiddled with her hands as she shyly mumbled a quick hello to the intimidating crowd. It was Natasha that broke the silence first. “Welcome to the team, Wanda.”

Soon introductions happened but Wanda had yet to say anything else. All she could focus on was trying her best to not read their thoughts. It seemed that Natasha was the easiest to sit by since her thoughts were surprisingly quiet. She found Tony and Thor to be the loudest while Bucky’s felt a little...damaged.

Nonetheless, Steve excused the two as he led Wanda to her new room. Opening the door for her, Wanda found herself to be in a spotless and minimalistic room. The colors were on the grayscale and everything smelled and looked brand new.

“Here’s your room.” Wanda walked in, enjoying the fact that she can finally have something of her own. But considering who she was living with, she felt a little overwhelmed at the possibility of the bed itself being worth more than her childhood home.

“Everything in here can accommodate your needs just as long as you know how to work one of these,” Steve said as he held up a small tablet for the room controls. Wanda laughed a little and jokingly asked, “Are you telling me you don’t?” Her voice was strongly laced with her Sokovian accent, which was something Wanda lightly cursed herself about.

This was a change. This was new. This was a place she could start a new page and maybe even a new Wanda.

Steve slightly blushed as he scratched the back of his neck. He placed the tablet back on the nightstand and said, “Well...let’s just say I’m not one with the current times.”

“So, an old soul?”

“You could say that.” Slowly backing to the door, Steve held on to the handle and said, “But, I’ll give you time to adjust. Also, before I forget, we have a talking robot in the building. So if you hear a very smart alek voice, that’s just the robot.”

Steve gave Wanda a comforting smile before closing the door. Looking around once more, Wanda noticed that she had her own flat screen in the room. There was a desk in the corner as well as two various doors. Going through them, one door led to her own luxurious bathroom and the other led to her own walk-in closet.

Wanda walked back into the main room and saw that she had glass doors leading to the balcony. Pulled in by the breathtaking view, Wanda slid out to the balcony and watched the scenery in front of her. It was night time yet New York felt as lively as the morning. “This really is the city that never sleeps.” And as Wanda continued to watch, she could only hope that this was the new beginning she needed.

“So you’ve been here a couple of months,” Clint stated as he and Wanda finished their training session. “How do you feel?” He tossed Wanda a towel which she caught with ease. While wiping the sweat off her face, she responded with, “I feel good.”

It was an obvious lie yet Clint didn’t manage to catch it. And if he did, he would’ve figured it was the nervousness talking. However, Wanda couldn’t help but think that she’s never felt so lonely till now.

“Well, that’s good to hear.” Clint picked up the various items they used for training and started to place them back in their original places. “Heads up, I think Steve is going to give you your first big mission.”

Wanda was putting back the weights when she said, “Really?” For the first few months, she’s been shadowing the other Avengers during their missions. Sometimes they would ask for Wanda’s opinion on how she would have handled the situation and other times she would just watch.

“Yeah. The team is impressed. You learn really quickly.”

“I don’t want to let anybody down.” It was rather late for it because Wanda already felt like she let herself down.

“You won’t. I know you won’t.”

Looking down at the file given to her, Wanda first noticed how young the girl looked in the picture. There were tiny scars on her face but none looked prominent. The thing that pulled in the most was her alluring eyes. They appeared soft at first but Wanda had a feeling there was more to those tired eyes.

“So, her name is Y/n L/n and my mission is to get close to her?” Wanda asked. She couldn’t really wrap her thoughts on why she was needed on this mission. The girl didn’t seem like the type to know much combat. So it shouldn’t be too hard for the Avengers to get her.

“Correct. You’re tasked with getting close to her to the point she can trust you. Since not a lot of people know you’re a part of the Avengers, you can help us use her to get to her family.” Wanda sighed. She didn’t want to disappoint them on her first big mission but why did it feel like the Avengers were in over their heads?

Regardless of her anxiety, Wanda swallowed it down and said, “Okay, when should I start?”

Those things I did Just so I could call you mine The things you did Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

Natasha, Steve, and Wanda sat in hiding. They were currently waiting for their target to arrive at the designated location. Various S.H.I.E.L.D. agents hid with the scenery and the night had only aided in their secrecy.

As the minutes ticked by since Y/n’s last message, Wanda couldn’t help but feel nauseous from her actions. Here she was, standing with the good side of history yet she couldn’t help but feel so repulsed by her actions.

Doubt plagued her mind which only increased her anxiety. While fiddling with her fingers, Wanda could only think about her. She thought about everything that could happen to Y/n. From how the government could possibly treat her to the possible interrogation that she would have to go through.

Oddly enough, she hoped that it wasn’t Natasha that could have a chance of doing that. Because if it were her, Y/n would end up in two ways. Beaten and bruised or hopelessly enamored by Natasha. Both ways made Wanda more anxious for this outcome. As sick as it was, Wanda would rather have Y/n be beaten and bruised than the latter. Jealousy was an ugly look on Wanda as well as betrayal.

“Do we really have to do this Steve?” Wanda could feel her hands start to shake but she quickly pulled herself together. Steve was right beside her. At any chance he felt that she was distracted, he would have her immediately escorted out.

“It’s the only way, Wanda.” The lack of doubt in his voice made Wanda shiver. She felt hopeless yet she was the only one to blame. She practically led Y/n to slaughter.

“But she’s nothing like them. You see what she does on her own.” Although Wanda knew there was no chance of pleading her case to Steve, she still tried because this was Y/n for fuck’s sake.

“I’m sorry Wanda but one good person can’t make up for what her entire family has done to many.” Looking back to the entrance of the tunnel, Wanda could only think about the good things that Y/n has done with her. Because to her, one good person was enough.

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we do 'Cause I was going down, but I was doing it with you Yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Wanda and Y/n were hanging out at an abandoned playground near the boat docks. Surprisingly, things were still intact despite the wear and tear they’ve been through. Y/n hung upside down on the monkey bars as she watched Wanda swing closely by her.

Maybe it was the way her hair flowed through the night breeze. Or maybe it was the way that she still shone through the darkness of the night. Or maybe it was this new happy look she had on her face. Or maybe - no - it was just the way she was - always is. She’s Wanda Maximoff. With all the blood rushing down to her head, and this overbearing feeling in her chest, Y/n said, “You know that I love you, right?”

Wanda stopped swinging and looked over at Y/n. There was a small bewildered look on her face but she didn’t look disgusted by the question. “What?” There was suddenly a rush of blood pounding in Wanda’s ears. She hoped that her mind wasn’t playing tricks with her especially now.

“I know it’s crazy - I haven’t even taken you out on a first date or anything but,” there was a glint to Wanda’s eyes and that confirmed everything that Y/n was feeling, “...I do.”

Y/n pulled her body upwards and replaced her legs with her hands on the monkey bars. She swung back and forth to get her blood flowing in other directions besides her head. She looked at Wanda and saw this doubted look on her face. So Y/n quickly added, “Yeah, I love you.”

“And what makes you say that?” Wanda had various answers in mind to her own question. Y/n could possibly be on drugs or she hung upside down for far too long. Or maybe, Y/n is just out of her fucking mind. But still, Wanda only hoped that Y/n would reassure her that she heard correctly. That she does love her.

Thinking about it for a moment, Y/n suddenly found the right words to say as she swung forward and landed right in front of Wanda. She placed her hands on the ropes of the swing, her face lowering down Wanda’s, little distance between them as Y/n said, “Well, you see me as my own person. Not somebody that’s the daughter of something. Just...me.”

Wanda’s breath was caught in her throat. Suddenly her senses were filled with anything about Y/n. Her ocean scented cologne, the hair pomade she uses to style, and the way her face looked so beautiful as if it was constructed by Michelangelo.

“Anyone can do that Y/n,” she whispered. Her eyes showcased her heart as she kept looking down at Y/n’s lips. But the way Y/n’s masked made her eyes looked constantly made Wanda look back up.

“I wouldn’t call you anyone,” Y/n said cockily. “You’re Wanda Maximoff. The girl that sees the best in people and the girl I so happen to be in love with.” Love. It was so easy for Y/n to say to Wanda despite everything she has been through with her family.

No one taught her love yet when she looked at Wanda, all she could do is feel it. “You feel so comfortable saying that around me yet I haven’t said it back,” Wanda joked. By now, her breath caught in her throat with how close they were getting.

By now, their foreheads touched as Wanda’s grip on the ropes of the swing tightened. “Well, I have a feeling that you will someday. And if you don’t, at least I got it off my chest.” And someday would be today.

Slowly, the two were leaning in when - RING!

The annoying alarm that blared through Y/n’s beeper made her groan. Now, someday would be in the future. “Uhhhhh - duty calls,” she said in distaste, however, Y/n had so badly wanted to stay with Wanda. Surprisingly, Wanda felt the same way. But vigilante duties were important to Y/n. So with another kiss on Wanda’s cheek, Y/n saluted goodbye. “See you Wands. You better practice saying those words now.” Y/n left with a wink and a smile on her face.

The room was tense as Y/n stood before her family. Sharp eyes looked into Y/n’s soul as they beckoned her to finally say her peace. “I don’t want to be a part of this family anymore.”

This type of tantrum was nothing new with Y/n. Everyone knew she didn’t like being part of this family but it never got this intense. “You don’t know what you’re saying Y/n,” her Dad reasoned but frankly, he was getting aggravated by this whole shenanigan.

“No, I do know what I’m saying.” She knew her family wouldn’t treat her seriously. They never did and she was hoping that they would once more because, after this fight, she would never come back.

“You’re throwing your life away, over what? Some girl?” The whole thing was quite pathetic to them. How could you throw the whole world away for somebody they believed Y/n hardly knew?

“She’s treated me better than you,” she countered. However, her family simply rolled their eyes at her statement.

“Oh yeah? Go ahead with your little friend then but don’t come running back when things go south.” The cigar in his hands was placed into the ashtray nearby. Y/n’s parents hardly looked when they heard Y/n’s footsteps leaving the room for they truly believed their daughter would come back. Because in a family like theirs, blood is the only thing you can trust.

Perched up on the balcony, with the breeze of the night flowing past them, Wanda and Y/n were laughing at the various things their powers did. However, the night turned with Y/n teasing Wanda endlessly. “I hate you,” she said as she slightly shoved Y/n as she smiled. “Sure you do,” Y/n replied with a smirk plastered on her face.

“I seriously do,” Wanda said as she noticed Y/n look at her lips. The two leaning in closer to each other. “Okay, and what are you going to do about it?” Y/n licked her lips as she could feel her heart explode with how little space was between them.

“Thi-,” the moment was cut short was Wanda’s phone rang. Their foreheads touched at the obvious annoyment to the interruption. Y/n had to physically remember to breathe as Wanda gave her a sorry smile. “Duty calls?” Y/n said to lighten the mood.

“Duty calls.” Seeing the frown on Wanda’s face made Y/n want to kiss her even more. “God, her lips must be soft,” she thought loudly. Wanda blushed at Y/n’s words but Y/n hardly noticed. All she wanted was to remove her frown. So she settled for the next best thing. She kissed Wanda’s cheek, letting it linger for a couple of seconds.

“See you later Maximoff.” Feeling overwhelmed with joy, Wanda shoved Y/n off the building as Y/n saluted her goodbye. Smiles were still plastered on both faces.

The ringing still went as Wanda saw Y/n successfully swing away. She picked up her phone with a sigh, having to remove all her flustered emotions as she answered the call. “Hello.”

“What the hell was that, Wanda?” She knew it was coming especially since the team had a very close eye on this mission. Failure wasn’t an option. “It was called acting, maybe you should try it, Tony.” She could already feel his eye roll from a mile away.

“You’re lucky I called when I did.” Luck...if it was luck, then her heart shouldn’t have ached this much. “Yeah...thanks, Tony.”

Y/n arrived at their place in huffed breaths. The adrenaline from breaking away from her family still running through her veins. “Wanda?!” She yelled out. The tunnel echoing her voice. “Wanda?!” There was still no response.

Before Y/n could call out again, the sound of combat boots echoed through the tunnel. Y/n sighed in relief knowing that Wanda was here. “Love - I think we can still make it before my family finds…”

Slowly, the figure stepped into the light provided by the moon. His chiseled jaw and god-like physique caused Y/n to go into a defensive mode. Y/n didn’t need to see the shield in his hand to know this was Steve Rogers aka Captain America.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Wanda?” Steve didn’t respond as he pressed his fingers onto his comms. “Target is here. Move forward.” Suddenly, Y/n could feel something latch on to her back, a spread of electricity shooting through her body.

Y/n dropped to her knees, groaning in pain as she still looked at Steve. A hard boot to her back made her face roughly connect to the dirty concrete. The electrifying feeling intensifying more than ever.

As they cuffed her arms and legs, Y/n couldn’t help but focus on how much her body was on fire. She thrashed and struggled in their hold and all she could think to yell out was, “Wanda!” Screams of pain and helpless begging for Wanda’s presence echoed through the tunnels.

And as Y/n slowly faded in and out of consciousness, Wanda stood at the exit of the tunnel, hearing the love of her life begging for her to save her.

Chapter 2

Taglist: @abimess @dandelions4us @lostandsearching @magically-queer-stuff @olsensnpm @randomshyperson @somewhatgreatexpectations @spacevoyager2 @when-wolves-howl @xxromanoffxx @yourtaletotell

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #favorite crime

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