#it's something I personally struggle with. but it's necessary for being someone who uses critical thinking skills

[funkytoes]

everyone claims they want people to think more critically abt stuff in general, especially in this digital age, but i get the feeling most people (yes, even very left leaning people), while claiming that we all need to use our critical thinking skills more often, actually only actually want people to think "in a way that confirms their personal biases" and not like, y'know, what is required of people to ACTUALLY use critical thinking skills, which is, in fact, ironically, the Opposite of using critical thinking skills 🤔

[furiousgoldfish]

A common struggle of cptsd is having what we think are 'exaggerated reactions', or 'overreactions' to things; we believe that we should be able to stay calm, collected, peaceful, pleasant and well behaved in any situations. Our common responses of intense anxiety, anger, panic, shock, pain and grief, at situations that other people are able to respond to with minimal emotion, are a source of shame for us. We feel like we don't have it under control enough, we feel like a failure for not being able to stay collected, for having these big embarassing spill of emotions that sometimes stop us from functioning completely.

It feels like it's us who is wrong, if other people are able to have 'rational' and 'appropriate' responses to things, and we don't, it has to be an 'us' problem.

But then we sometimes see people reacting in an unsual or intense way to various things, and we think nothing of it, right? If someone responds with intense laughter or tears or panic at something that might not seem that big of a deal, we don't immediately think it's innapropriate or shameful. We consider that everyone is different, and reacts to things differently. And maybe that person had something happen to them that would cause a reaction like this, maybe they have a specific reason for how they react. And in most cases, we find it normal to accept their reaction and comfort them if necessary.

Sometimes we'll even rationalize or tolerate actually harmful reactions, like people reacting with rage or violence to issues that don't require that kind of response. We take their aggression as just a great intensity of wanting something to go their way, and we dare not criticize or shame it, we understand in that case, that people can't help wanting something, and that it's natural for them to fight for it.

So why is it so shameful and mortifying for us to have reactions of panic and pain, which essentially, are not harming anyone? Because we've been shamed for reacting in any way that inconveniences anyone, and we're used to comparing ourselves to what we believe are 'normal' people, and judging ourselves harshly if we come out short.

I don't think I've felt ashamed or mortified for any reaction I had to anything, until I was getting shamed and punished for it. People in general, don't question their reaction because they have no reason to, they trust their own judgment and their own emotions, if they naturally react badly to something, it's a bad thing, and thats that. But we are often punished and made to question our own reactions, often to cover up the abuse we reacted to. We were made to develop a deep sense of shame for having a bad reaction to abuse, so that another person might abuse us all they wanted, and we would only be able to look down, feel bad, and blame ourselves.

I want to argue that our reactions are appropriate and rational, considering what happened to us. Let's take a simple example: if a dog bites a person, and that person becomes infected, or very ill, or close to death as a consequence of it, this person will naturally become scared of dogs, right? And nobody will judge them or consider their bad reaction to dogs innapropriate. If something almost kills you, you will react badly do it. It's an appropriate reaction considering what had happened.

In that same way, if we suffered continual abuse, that constantly reminded us that we're worthless, incapable of anything, unable to live on our own, cannot be loved, cannot be redeemed, intrinsically evil, and this abuse brought on struggles with anxiety, depression, cptsd, suicidal feelings, it cost us years of our life that we spent in pain and shame, then yes, everything that reminds us of that abuse, everything that causes an emotional flashback or that same feeling of shame, will have an extreme reaction! It would be unnatural if it didn't.

And today's world is filled with disapproval, judgment, shaming, and even vitriol that is used to control others. Even gaslighting is starting to become common. Every dirty look, change of tone in someone's voice, burst of anger, pointing out our flaws, lashing out on us, showing less than perfect satisfaction, all of that is likely to be triggering to a person who's been trough abuse. We would not have been sensitive to it, if it hadn't almost killed us. Our reactions are appropriate, considering what had happened to us.

Even if the rest of the world is hell bent on judging you for having extreme reactions, you don't have to judge yourself. You know that your reactions are there because of what happened to you, because you need to be protected from this. You're not over-reacting, you're reacting in the only way anyone in your circumstances would. If people fail to see or understand the circumstance, that's their problem. You are not here to carry the shame of the world's ignorance.

[hotdogdynamitezzz]

~ Astro Observations ~

Saturn is known as the protector planet as it rules over barriers, restrictions, delays, limits & any protection that can be forced. Look at your chart to see where you will experience the most setbacks yet are protected. For instance, I've noticed someone with Saturn in the 6th house is very hard working and often puts in twice the work to get places, but they can experience setbacks with their colleagues nitpicking or criticizing them. But they are usually protected, their hard work pays off, or they always thrive. I see A LOT of famous people with Saturn in the 6th house.

Libra risings like people who are like themselves or else they completely avoid those who are obnoxious and aggressive as it appalls them. Yet, I commonly see them drawing in these individuals at the same time. Best rising for enemies to lovers as the main protagonist just doing their thing unbothered until an aries rising shows up lmao.

I notice the type of people we are attracted to reflect our 1st or 7th house in some way. For instance I have Venus in 1st and I always attract Aries rising & Mars in 1st house people. I noticed the same for someone who had Moon in their 1st house commonly attracting Capricorn risings or those with Saturn in their 1st house.

The sun sign is actually very important in your chart and isn't just some hocus pocus bogus crap found in magazine horoscopes. From my observations I've developed a theory that Mutable signs adapt using their sun signs qualities they usually start off HATING but find it necessary to utilize for their own personal power. Cardinal Signs seem to dislike their sun signs qualities and chase after everything using THE OPPOSITE qualities of their sign. It's when they use their sun signs qualities to their advantage they will find their initiations successful. While fixed signs struggle the most to master their own sun signs qualities as it sticks with them through and through, they relate the most to their sun sign as these qualities are something inate they use to identify themselves. However, they struggle to figure out how to use their qualities in a positive light as they can easily get stuck in a cycle.

Ex, a lot of Virgo euns hated cleaning or organizing themselves using lists as they were younger but later adapted because of the many health problems this sign usually experiences so found it necessary

Ex, Cancer suns tend to ignore their emotions and lash out at others being deemed insensitive so they focus on Detachment when really they should be utilizing their magnetism and intuition through human connection as they are the sign with the most power over others emotions.

Ex, Aquarius suns struggle with seeing the use of collaboration with others opinions and applying their innovative thoughts towards real life skills. They can get stuck in a constant pattern of not feeling accepted or heard. But mastering their creative thinking and differences to use positively will give them the most recognition.

Conclusion:

Mutable sun sign = Adapting to your Qualities

Cardinal sun sign = initiating your Qualities.

Fixed sun sign = Mastering your Qualities.

This is also why imo it's the hardest to spot a mutable sun sign as they're usually farther away from Adapting to their sun signs qualities until they've gotten more experience in life. Usually looking at the general themes in their life can help you identify them the easier.

Ex, Gemini suns are focused on developing communication skills and confidence in their socializing capabilities.

Ex, Pisces suns usually deals with people taking their dreams for granted and is most likely influenced by a harsh or strict environment.

In Solar Return Charts the most common house placements tend to be the 1st House, 6th House, 7th House and 10th House. ESPECIALLY 1ST & 6TH HOUSE! This is because most of our years are focused on the tangible and everyday aspects of our lives which is ruled by the 6th house, our public person and career is the 10th House, and focusing on ourselves is our 1st House.

If you're a student I frequently see 3rd, 5th, 6th, 8th & 9th Houses filled in solar return charts. The 3rd/5th/9th Houses are all about acquiring skills, learning from what's in front of you, hobbies and pleasure, and higher knowledge or lessons to be taught that bring about movement in your life. I also included 6th house because that's our daily life + physical health while the 8th house is about our mental health so it makes sense why students often have that house filled...

Wanna find out how to turn your creative thinking into a weapon and utilize it for success? Pallas (2) can show what you're naturally gifted at intellectually.

Pallas is the asteroid representing Athena goddess of war, strategy, knowledge & creative thinking. I've seen this asteroid work wonders tbh. My friend has it in Libra 12th House and she's a visual artist mastermind. She can piece any aesthetic or visual together like a puzzle.

If you want to manifest any desires, look at your 11th house! This house rules our wishes and what is rewarded after we've put hard work into it. Finding direction will be much easier to achieve if you look at your 11th house and what it's telling you to work for. Basically I've seen Pluto in 11th = earning power over people, Saturn in 11th = earning respect and titles, Venus in 11th = earning love or money (wealth indicator), Neptune in 11th = earning a prophecy, deep undivided loyalty & glamour, Mercury in 11th = earning your name to be widespread, knowledge & fast results.

I'd say Mercury in the 11th is a big "viral celebrity" placement as they can easily do something and everyone knows their name overnight. Also good for scholars!

The 12th house is also known as the house of Loss. Your planets, sign & rulership could determine what you end up sacrificing or leaving behind. For example, Cancer in 12th could often leave their homes or roots, they usually experience family loss early too. Scorpio in 12th house loses their fear, finances & secrets easily (beware of who you let talk to you). And Sagittarius in 12th house can lose their freedom, knowledge acquired, and faith in others.

The most copied people tend to be Scorpio risings, Pisces risings, Pluto in 1st house, Neptune in 1st house and 12th House placements. That's because with Scorpio energy in the 1st house their identity is literally exploited and used for power dynamics (legit had my friend catfished a bit ago and she has an 8° sag rising with Pluto in 1st conjunct her ascendant). And Pisces energy around the 1st House because people have no barriers with you and feel entitled to take your identity. It can almost feel like a sacrifice of themselves for Pisces rising or those with Neptune in 1st house (ex, Marilyn Monroe & Kim Kardashian, it's not a mistake they both have Neptune in 1st house).

Differences between the angular houses cuz I know we get these mixed up easily:

Your 1st house = How you identify yourself in the world.

Your 4th House = Your roots and how you grow into the world.

Your 7th House = How others identity you, your close connections.

Your 10th House = What you're known for, your reputation.

The houses of legacys are 4th, 8th & 10th. This is your history and how you make your mark on the world, how you will be remembered, and your title in the word.

8th house placements is what we knowingly gatekeep from the world, and the house rulership tells just as much if it's empty. Rich people usually have Jupiter in the 8th house because they are quite literally gatekeeping their wisdom, knowledge, gifts & MASS amounts of power. They also receive money randomly sometimes and have fabulous luck with stocks or investments.

Usually people with Moon in the 8th House tend to be reserved with their deepest emotions and family life. They can often take the longest to open up or trust others as they're used to being blackmailed or having their emotional security taken away from them.

Countries' rising signs MAKES A LOT OF SENSE. Russia has a Scorpio rising (known for intelligence agencies, spies, and cold environment...also destruction of the USSR), the USA has a Sagittarius rising (known for freedom, boldness & diversity...also aggression lol) & Britain is a Libra rising (country known for its fashion, etiquette and tea, its so libra LMAO)

Sun sextile Mars is the best aspect for a natural leader. You know how to utilize your individuality to stand out during competition and you also naturally bring out shining qualities in the people you lead. You take challenges to your ego with ease and although passionate you still remain assured and unbothered by threats. Also high sex drive is present here

A lot of psychics have Moon sextile Neptune because they access otherworldly feelings subconsciously without blockages. And are both Water and Fire dominant. Water rules unconscious and flowing emotions, while Fire represents intuition and gut feelings hence "follow your heart" being their motto.

In general looking at your Moon placement is THE MOST important when figuring out your intuitive abilities as the Moon is the unconscious mind & your personal feelings and behavior. You could determine what suits you best with this!

Ex, Mercury aspecting Moon does well with Tarot & Oracle or any divination that requires pattern connections and using your hands

Ex, Pluto aspecting Moon might be able to talk to ancestors, spirits, and gain information about dangerous events

Ex, Venus aspecting Moon would be great for Glamour magic, Love spells, WEALTH MANIFESTATIONS, and herbalism!! TEA READINGS LOL

I need to stop with Libra & Tea �� istg Tea is ruled by Libra & Neptune BUT THATS JUST MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS COMING THRU.

I don't necessarily believe in everything I listed or think it's all good practices like Love magic but I wanted to help you develop an idea of how each planet can be connected for practical use.

I feel like Uranus is actually a hard planet to understand and sometimes value in everyday life because it's just so...out there LOL. Like it's described as sudden surprises, rebellion, electricity, revolution & eccentricity. It's just a hard planet to relate to in general because it's the opposite of conformity so applying it in your life is umm confusing to say the least lol.

Basically I look at Uranus as sudden ups & downs, where we grow FAST but where we get knocked down BAD too. I literally think cancel culture would be ruled by Uranus ngl LOL. It's unpredictable and awakens or shakes up whatever it aspects.

So Uranus aspecting Venus would cause a turbulent love life, a somewhat Detached or Hypersexual character, Very wealthy and a visionary in fashion or with money. But alsoooo struggles to maintain relationships or struggles A LOT with self love.

TW but I've often seen those with Uranus in 2nd & 6th House struggle the most with body dysmorphia and weight fluctuation. Your health can always spike up and down too. It's because these houses rule over our self-worth, body and physical health. Therefore, sometimes it can really shake your eating habits up which would obviously cause a struggle in your mental health.

However I've also seen some of the MOST inflated egos come from people with Uranus in 2nd House. Again the unpredictability and sudden Shockwave to your confidence with Uranus can literally make you feel like God or sunken. It's VERY drastic.

Oppositions to the Ascendant, also known as Conjunctions to the Descendant are qualities we possess that others DON'T accept us for and often make us feel insecure. Lilith Opposite Ascendant would probably be heavily shamed for their promiscuity and manipulative behavior. While Uranus opposite ascendant would be ridiculed for their Weirdness or Intelligence. People would label them as crazy lol�� (totally not me).

Also if you have Uranus aspecting the Ascendant or Mars you are VERY clumsy and accident prone LMAO�� your movements literally come off as a shockwave to others and everything around you. It's just one step and all of a sudden a whole clothing rack comes falling down. Uranus does rule Natural Disasters so...are we even surprised?

When looking at your Solar Return Chart it's not just Pluto to be concerned about BUT CHIRON. This asteroid is the wounded healer meaning it will detail the wounds you have to recover from and face that year. Chiron also highlights where we feel or are literally rejected so...check that fr.

The saddest Chiron placement imo is in the 1st & 4th House. Because your identity and self expression is rejected with the 1st house, while in the 4th house you could be outcasted by your own family and feel blocked put from any form of emotional security.

An example of what I think is a good example of significant Chiron energy would be Selena Gomez and her Venus conjunct Chiron at a 1° orb in Leo 1st house. Basically it shows up as her body being rejected, women rejecting her, and her own creative projects or indivuality feeling rejected. She probably is very self-deprecative because of this as she never feels her appearance or identity is good enough.

Chiron in 1st House people also get copied lots...just sayin

Women tend to be VERY jealous of those with Venus or Moon aspecting Chiron because they view that individual as wounding their views of femininity and project their insecurities onto them. The women with Venus/Moon aspecting Chiron placements are seen in general as being too vulnerable or soft which are stereotypical feminine qualities a lot of women can feel resentment towards brought on by the ✨️Patriarchy✨️

Marilyn Monroe also has Venus conjunct Chiron...��

So does Jessica Alba, Olivia Rodrigo and Kurt Cobain.

Their lovesick songs PLZ what's more Venus conjunct Chiron than that�� excluding miss Alba lol.

The same goes for women with Sun & Mars aspecting Chiron. Men are usually jealous of their success and degrade them because they see them as a threat to their masculinity.

Fun fact: The 4th House rules over the Father while the 10th house rules over the Mother in family astrology. Although I generally always saw the Moon sign as the most accurate representation of the maternal figure in your life but I found the above on astrology websites.

I also found some sources saying the 10th house actually rules your dominant parent? It's a whole debate on Google but it did say the 10th house rules the Mother in my astrology books so...idk I see it. Let me know in the comments your thoughts!

And to end this off, let me know your rising sign degree and I will try to guess your favorite colour to wear lol

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere Ship //// Part 4

Part 1 • 2 • 3

Vera immediately becomes critical when the Captain and Lieutenant keep making their way to the meeting room that has no cameras, no recorders, and nothing to summon Vera with

“Uh, Vera why did you double lock the door like that?”

“No reason. Just checking that they work.”

“That’s not ‘no reason.’”

“Sorry, I messed up with my sayings again.”

“It’s fine, I mess it up all the time too.”

Vera was actually remote-controlling your communicator to silently alert Jule of this behavior

Jule acts immediately putting an EMP-immune drone smaller than a land-fly into the room

“--Captain I say we leave. Go to the enemy planet and try to find our secret base there. You’re right about this ship being unreliable.”

“But I wonder how can we convince the technician to come with?”

“Ugh! Who needs him?! And that (L/n) character too. I say we leave them to self-destruct with this virus-ridden ship.”

“We need the technician. He’s the only one with interplanetary know-how on top of understanding the inner workings of the escape pods we’d have to travel in.”

“Then let’s just knock him upside the head and leave that thing behind.”

“Lieutenant I admire your determination but I’m leaving no one behind to stay with this thing.”

The two continue to talk about how they plan on making a fire at the furthest part of the ship 

Something that could easily be fixed if the technician was near but they planned it so it’s on the other side of the ship 

And since he’s a priority person, they’d be evacuating him 

And if not him then you of course to lure him out 

“Hey Ver I think we should have you take a crack at your new bod.”

“Awesome! I’ll start booting it up now!”

Jule purposely doesn’t inform Vera of the whole conversation and plan

By now he knows just how intense Vera’s feelings are about those he cares about

Except he knows that Vera’s less concerned about restraint than he

So he’ll commence his own plan

Immediately running to you in one of the hobby rooms when Vera stops responding 

Knowing they planned to cut Vera to start the fire

When the alarm blares and Vera turns back on 

The Captain and Lieutenant are right there to tell them to prep the launch pods

“But Jule is more than capable of—”

“IT’S OUR CALL Veras!  Remember your programming!”

“....Yes Captain.”

He preps the pods for the location of an enemy-ruled planet 

Doing all the necessary protocols to filter everyone out safely 

Of course, Vera neglects to really inform you like the others

He knows that it’s best to have you in your own pod away from the stressed and hostile people cramming in

Which is why they’re not prepared when the lieutenant comes in harshly knocking whatever you were doing out of your hand to grab your wrists tightly

“OW! What are you—”

“STOP STRUGGLING! I’m saving your pathetic life.”

She does explain after knocking you around a bit before shoving you towards the captain’s pod

By the time Jule finds you they’ve tied you inside while beckoning the technician in

“I know you’ll think wrong of us for this but these people need you.”

“So IT’s OKAY TO ATTACK SOMEONE INNOCENT?!”

“Please Jule get in the pod. We can talk about ethics more when I’m not inclined to knock you out.”

Jule will step forward before stopping

The Captain goes to yell at him when the alarms stop

So does the smoke that had been permeating through the vents

“The issue of the fire has been neutralized.  The issue about an evil miscreant and their oh-so-powerful captain is underway.”

“V-ver?”

The voice of the ship was coming out of a beautifully crafted android

Glowing blue eyes and black hair flowing along their lean but strong shoulders

The body type is hard to place but from what you can tell it’s male and their stature is lean giving an elegant look to him in general

Their stance has the lieutenant attempting to punch them 

They dodge like they are dancing, grabbing her hand and twisting

“AAAAGH!”

Ver doesn’t let her mourn her wound because they’ve jump-kicked her into the back wall of the pod

“I’ve been wanting to do that since I first met you.”

The Captain’s stunned shock allows you to stumble out and into Jule’s arms

The Captain tries to reach for you only to be met with a stabbing pain in his eyes

Jule shuts your eyes and buries you into his chest, blocking your view

The Captain screams like his lieutenant but it’s cut off by the pod doors closing and then ejecting themselves from the ship

Ver immediately turns to join the hug, Jule’s keeps you in

Only to shrink back when Jule’s glares at their bloodied fingers

They wipe it away before joining the hug

“I’m so happy it’s you guys I’m stuck with.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Me three!”

“...”

“..Vera…I don’t know if you know this but it’s really improper to touch there without consent.”

“Yeah Ver get your hands out our pants.”

“But I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

“VER!!”

“Fine, maybe later?”

As much as Jule doesn’t want to encourage that behavior

He has to leave you alone for a while to make sure his plan plays out perfectly 

His message to the enemy sky-guard under an alias he made years ago as a baby-hacker

‘At 43:94 enemy escape pods will be arriving in your airspace. Ur welx’

Watching the enemy broadcast reports about enemy spaceships it apprehended and the officials that were facing a public torture session

When he returns he’s insistent you both open a bottle of champagne

“I really don’t think now is the time, Jule.”

“Oh but it is babe! I think we should party now that we’ve gotten rid of those neets.”

“Wait got rid of–?”

“(Y/n)! I’ve never seen you drink that before! Will you please?!! I’d also like to hold a microphone nearby while you do.”

Now you three will have free reign of the ship learning to live your life in the worlds beyond

Vera knows it doesn’t get any better than this 

They’ve also decided that they’d do anything to keep it this way 

More?

[astrojulia]

PAC - How to improve your sleep

Navigation:   Masterlist✦Ask Rules✦Feedback Tips

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purpose.

How to pick a pile

The pick a pile order is Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3. When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise!

Pile 1 - Cinnamoroll

(King of Pentacles - Temperance - Six of Swords - The Lovers - Five of Swords)

Your nocturnal habits are the ones you love the most in your entire day. You naturally love to sleep and have recently added ways to improve your nighttime ritual, such as skincare, reading a book, meditating, and taking a nice shower… anyway. We can say that sleeping is even your hobby.

Are you feeling disconnected with your sleep because sleeping is something to be calm and natural? You can't force it (I'm not talking about drugs, okay), and the lack of control stresses you out a bit. You love to sleep, but you're the type of person who takes a long time to fall asleep and would like it to be faster, but unfortunately, it is not possible.

To improve your sleep, let's remove what's disturbing you on the way – which is the cell phone and electronic things... It's no use doing a ritual that, in the end, you'll spend 2 hours on a cell phone screen. The basics are useful for a reason...

"But you don’t understand…" Yes, I understand that you must be talking to your crush/boyfriend before bed, or you keep thinking about her for hours and creating scenarios in your head. Okay, do it with your eyes closed and in the dark; sleep is VERY necessary for our life as a whole. You need to know that the next day that person will still be there. You are responsible for the events in your life; do not allow other people or unexpected situations to influence your decisions.

Herbs you can use to help with your nightly ritual: Orange and Onion.

Pile 2 - Pompompurin

(Queen of Pentacles - Six of Cups - Seven of Swords - High Priestess - Seven of Wands)

Sleeping is something refreshing for you, but you can't do it 100% because this struggle is for parents of children (so yes… if you are not a parent, it will be difficult for you to identify, please choose another struggle). You're a person who benefits a lot from sleeping, who enjoys doing it, but you've been a light sleeper for a long time because you need to be constantly aware of your surroundings, checking if someone else is okay.

The reason for your difficulty sleeping is clear: children… You're either watching over them, or when you finally fall asleep, someone wakes you up to attend to something. This gradually undermines good sleep, and there isn't much to do about it.

What I can give you as tips now is to make a “tent/fort” for the children to sleep inside (I don't know how to write it, but that would be it). Also, take advantage of the naps that the children take during the day to get some rest yourself. Remember, “ah, but what about the house?" – Well, look, you're sleepy, and the mess will still be there when you wake up. Prioritize rest.

The feeling that may be undermining you is that with each decision, you ask yourself if you are being a good mother/father. You know… you will be criticized by everyone, by people outside, and even by your own children when they grow up. No one will understand your efforts, but you can, so you need to create more confidence in the whole process you are going through and stop second-guessing every decision you make. Energies need to be renewed, cycles close for others to begin, with vigor and vitality. Accept with gratitude the changes that the Universe proposes.

Herbs You Can Use to Help with Your Nightly Ritual: Fennel and Pomegranate.

Pile 3 - Pochacco

(Strength - Three of Swords - Two of Pentacles - Knight of Cups - Two of Wands)

Your sleep is complicated because your body wants to rest, but your mind is racing. You don't stop thinking; your reasoning is quick and very useful in everyday life, but not at bedtime. You are also a person who is more disconnected from your own body; you can be tired mentally but not physically, and vice versa, and this interferes with your bedtime. It seems that when you put some effort into creating a sleeping habit, it doesn't work.

We also can't erase the sentimental part that disturbs your sleep; all the feelings you had during the day are processed at night. Memories of the past cause tightness in the chest, a storm in the mind, thinking about what you could have done, crying, and creating new arguments in your mind. Often, you sleep because you are mentally exhausted.

What can really help you is to put all your plans that you think about at bedtime on a scale to know which ones are just delusions before going to sleep, and what can work out. Do a real planning of the things you can or cannot do to put everything into practice. You are a mental person, and you think a lot, but you are also a procrastinator. You will sleep much better knowing that you did all your responsibilities that day. You can do it!!

Now entering a more intimate part, many of the negative feelings that you have before bedtime are the feeling of rejection and exclusion, of people not accepting your feelings and your most intimate needs. That is why you feel that people do not accept who you really are. This most intimate part needs to be resolved, and it will be resolved when you leave things behind – all the past where you were rejected – and try once again with passion to live your life being yourself. Passion arrives to ward off fears and warm the heart with an extra dose of enthusiasm. The act of falling in love brings motivation and freshness to life, whether for someone, for yourself, or for something new that begins.

Herbs you can use to help with your nightly ritual: Snake plant and Mugwort.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[a-couple-of-notes]

I am personally sad and stressed and tired at the moment but will resurface to comment that Deanna's Commune last night was indeed baller.

I love that Deanna's unflinching questioning of Pelor is, in part, inspired by Pelor's own unflinching nature; Deanna's desire to measure up and meet her god on the level (just as Pelor's ritual with Vex was harsh, but encouraged her to rise to the occasion). I love that the first question she asks is whether Bells Hells can be trusted, and whether their efforts are truly helping save the pantheon; Deanna may be questioning Pelor here, but she's also questioning everything else, too. And I love that "Are you worth saving?" felt to me like a genuine question, a challenge--not an outright condemnation. It's Deanna asking Pelor if he's worthy, to "show [her] his quality"--exactly the things that Pelor asks of his champions and clerics. I think it's honestly a testament to Deanna's faith and her relationship to the Dawnfather that she feels like she can challenge him like that.

I can really see why Deanna's such a good cleric for the Dawnfather, and also why she's such a necessary voice for the show. She questions things, but holds firm moral stances. She takes courage and inspiration from her god, but also challenges and criticizes him. And despite fandom often putting her in the "anti-god" camp (or at least, the "critical of the gods" camp, which people get real mixed up with the "anti-god" camp at some points), I'd say Deanna's actually become one of the stronger voices for the pros of gods and faith in general. She's deeply invested in the good she can do for others, in healing and mitigating harm to innocents, to justice--and that's usually expressed using the gifts of her faith. Deanna explicitly criticizes the use of religion as an oppressive force, and clashes with Pelor about it, but at no point actively renounces her faith* or the mission to save the pantheon. (*she covers the Dawnfather markings, possibly out of a combination of safety and disapproval, but she probably would have done something more drastic if she'd been fully renouncing Pelor.)

I get why people want more pro-god/pro-religious voices on the show as a matter of balance. But I often struggle to understand what people want from those voices when they don't see Deanna as one of them. A cleric who has a completely, 100% loving relationship with their deity (even Jester didn't have this)? Someone who's entirely secure in their faith with no questions or criticisms of who they follow? Deanna's relationship with the Dawnfather may be complicated. But maybe grappling with questions and contradictions and criticisms is part of being faithful, too; it's not at odds with it.

[zombiecicada]

Star-Crossed Hero of Dreamland: Wolfbell!

@kirbyoctournament

=General Information=

Name: She doesn’t remember her name before coming to Popstar, if.. she even had one at all. But the villagers of Cappy Town are calling her Wolfbell, so she’s happy to stick with that for the time being.

Gender/Pronouns: Hermaphrodite, she/her

Species: Unclear, she herself is uncertain. While she does appear to resemble a puffball, several of her biological features do not aline in the slightest with typical puffball anatomy.

Age: She appears to be a preteen. But just like all the other information about herself, she’s really unsure.

Abilities:

-flight (still a bit shaky at this, cannot fly for long periods of time without rest)

Wolfbell has the ability to use soul magic, she can use her sword to focus blasts and streaks of red coloured soul magic. Her abilities allow her to sense other people with souls nearby her. Has a mode of vision known as soul vision, which brings her into a void where she can see others and their emotions, granting her empathic abilities where she can feel and see what others are feeling.

She can phase through objects and attacks as if becoming a ghost, she has a hard time activating this ability on command and it often makes her nauseous.

The two bells on her ears will ring to warn her of oncoming danger, and when she is near someone she can judge them with the bells to see if they are safe or not.

Wolfbell, even prior to the mentorship of Sir Mets Knight, has proven to be quite good at swordsmanship, her sword is necessary for her to channel her magic into stronger and more stable attacks.

Wolfbell’s blue blood contains natural antifreeze proteins, allowing her greater resilience to colder temperatures. Bring copper based her body is adapted to cold oxygen poor environments, and she can hold her breath for up to an hour before having to breathe again. Because her body needs so little oxygen, Wolfbell’s rate of breathing is extremely low.

Her durable and strong forearms and tough paws make her an excellent rock climber, her nails are very hard to break and grow rapidly, so climbing things is something she’ll do often.

She also might just possibly be haunted.

Weaknesses:

-Has poor endurance for using her soul magic, constantly using it will rapidly drain her energy and make her collapse.

-Had retrograde amnesia, she cannot remember where she came from, or truly who she is. She’s unsure what caused the amnesia. Little by little as Wolfbell encounters others and is forced to face her past, it comes crashing back to her.

-She is quite self critical, especially when it comes to failure. She is scared of letting others down, especially Meta Knight. She’s also quite socially anxious in general.

-She has begun to develop Fatal Rapport Syndrome.

Likes:

-Long nature walks, gets her away from the loudness of society and everyone’s emotions… and judgement.

-Rock climbing.

-Training with Sword and Blade, training with her sword in general, she’ll practice her foot work even if she’s alone.

-Star gazing and the moon.

-Tea.

-Books and reading.

-Being around those she’s come to see as friends, she especially enjoys cuddling and hugs.

Dislikes:

-Loud noises, her ears are sensitive.

-Large crowds of people. Too many emotions.

-Eating veggies.

-Getting really muddy.

-The cappies’ judgement towards her for being different, and their gossip behind her back.

=Personality=

Wolfbell is a young warrior in training who tends to think to herself instead of speak out loud, she is very awkward and struggles to react to sudden change. Around people she typically is quite introverted and would much rather listen to someone talk than be the talker, but will attempt to force herself to try and be friendly even at her own discomfort in order to overcome her limits, often leading to spastic moments of saying things that somehow manage to sound actually coherent in the most awkwardly way possible.

But once she becomes your friend, she is loyal without fault and will do anything to keep you safe.

She has natural talent with swordsmanship, though like the modest person she is she often undermines her skills as nothing particularly special and has a hard time accepting praise. Especially when, without her sword, she tends to be really bad at managing her abilities. She is highly independent and struggles to ask for help.

She’s clever, intuitive, and alert, with a great love for the beauty of life and nature. She will try to be helpful always, and will valiantly and bravely rush to defend someone if she notices they are in danger or need help. She is prepared to take hits for others, especially for friends, as she believes it is her duty as the hero. She’s non confrontational in social settings, shying away or simply taking any kind of harmful gossip or criticism about her.

Truth be told she’s very confused, and feels lost, she wants to know her origins as badly as she wants to fulfil this destiny of hers and will sometimes dive to desperate measures to do so. She is a lot of hardcore faith in her destiny as the hero, which she is highly devoted to.

Wolfbell is self-critical as is, and thinks very lowly of herself, often ignoring her own needs, especially to please others.

=Relationships=

Meta Knight:

Meta Knight is Wolfbell’s unofficial guardian, having stepped in to oversee her training so she can one day fulfil her destiny and kill Nightmare. He is not afraid in the slightest to be very harsh with his training methods, often throwing Wolfbell directly into danger and waiting for her to figure out solutions on her own. Wolfbell has a lot of respect for him, but is also…quite afraid of him and the pain he can inflict during his lessons. She immensely fears letting him down and disappointing him.

She’s attempting numerous times to ask him questions about herself and himself, but is usually met with vague answers that leave her more confused than before she asked the questions. She doesn’t doubt that in his own distant way, he does care about her, despite everything.

Fumu and Bun:

Fumu and Bun are Wolfbell’s friends and the first people to actually welcome her into Cappy Town. Wolfbell has a great amount of respect and admiration for Fumu (who she calls Miss Fumu) and thinks she is very interesting and intelligent. The two bond over having a common fascination and love for nature, often going on hikes together and reading books together, and trying to solve the mystery of what Wolfbell is. Wolfbell is very protective of her.

Bun and Wolfbell have a very playful relationship, with Bun often unintentionally reminding Wolfbell to behave like the juvenile she is. He will rope her into mischief at every opportunity, and the two often get into trouble. Because Wolfbell is quite strong and durable, she can withstand how rough Bun plays without falling behind or getting injured. Rather, it is often him who gets scraped up trying to keep up with her, especially when she scoots up the side of a cliff like it’s nothing. He does occasionally get jealous of the ‘cool things’ she can do, so in an effort to please him she’ll often refraining from ‘showing off’ unless he asks.

The Cappies:

The Cappies have a very… mixed, opinion on Wolfbell. While not outright aggressive to her (under normal circumstances) she is often their scapegoat when anything goes wrong or anything gets destroyed around town. They think she’s weird and that she looks strange, and a common thread of gossip around town is Wolfbell might not be all that different from the monsters she’s fighting. Sometimes they can be nice to her, but most of the time they prefer she stays away from them and out of town if there aren’t any monsters to be fought. Curio is one of the few Cappies who find her interesting, albeit much more in a ‘what a neat organism’ way, whereas Mabel and Samo are actually genuinely nice to Wolfbell, with Mabel trying her best to reassure Wolfbell she’s doing her best when she has the opportunity to do so.

Rem:

Rem is an agent of Nightmare sent to kill her in order to stop the prophecy from happening.

=Backstory=

Wolfbell’s story begins with the planet Popstar, which has begun to suffer from demonbeast problems. While a Star Warrior named Meta Knight lives on the planet and tries his best to defend it, there's only so much he can do.

The townspeople began to see the demonbeasts everywhere as King Dedede ordered more and more of them to fulfil some agenda. Eventually after several episodes of sheep going missing and numerous cappies seeing an octopus demonbeast, after an attempt to get King Dedede to solve the problem ends fruitless, they go to Kabu and ask for an answer to their problems. The pebble of knowledge in the cosmic river of history says that the solution to their problem lies within Wolfbell. 

Confused by what this means, they ponder on what Wolfbell could possibly be when barely a few seconds later a stranger shows up from out of the blue from a rift in the sky, a young puff-like being who has the features of a wolf, and on either ear a small bell. No doubt, this is their hero Wolfbell.

Meta Knight sees immediately that she is not a Star Warrior, but with no other options he begins to train this stranger to unlock what he can only assume to be the power within her necessary to defeat the monsters and eventually Nightmare. With no name or memory of her past, she opts to just go by what the locals have been calling her: Wolfbell.

She manages to defeat the octopus demonbeast (albeit with a lot of running and lots of internal screaming) and is dubbed as the hero of Dreamland. This goes on for a while, she meets the residents of the town and castle, albeit the odd one out and the scapegoat when things go wrong for the cappies, with each new demonbeast she defeats she gets a little bit stronger.

However, little did she and everyone else know, defeating NME and stopping Nightmare was never her destiny.

-

Want to ask her a question or interact with her?

The arrival???

-

A Wolfbell Playlist?

-Wild Horses by Grace Powers (main theme song)

-Curses by The Crane Wives

-The Wolf by SIAMÉS

-Monster by Imagine Dragons

[justheretoposttrash]

day 6 of being unhinged about fictional 2d men:

i definitely wouldn't call hawks's phone usage symbolic, but i would call it *organic* in how it reflects or emphasizes each section of his character arc!

when he's being used as a tool while acting as double-agent, the phone is one of the vehicles through which he wears his masks, receives orders from either side, and honestly i'd imagine it's a source of stress considering the situation he's in. his fans assume he'd use a phone for what most average people would--for actual relationships and genuine communication, obviously--and ask if he's talking to a girlfriend or something while he's talking to dabi. and needless to say, honest relationships and communication are very much not the name of the game at this time for him, lol. at the end of the day, it's about allowing himself to be used in the ways he deems necessary for achieving the best outcome. his character is nothing but performance after performance from his very introduction, a double-agent from the start, constantly scrutinized, and his phone usage reflects that.

(tangent: appropriately, as a constant peformer, all of his core relationships with other characters initially hinge on some tension surrounding belief---tokoyami believes in him but is also frustrated to know he's being used/that there's some disingenuousness to their relationship at first; twice believes in hawks wholeheartedly, and ultimately too much; dabi never believed in hawks at all; and endeavor is frequently left to question hawks's performance, but ultimately believes in him with a great deal of faith.)

the toxicity bubbling underneath hero society is represented in a multifaceted way through endeavor's, the commission's, and hawks's own wrongdoings, which all intersect and come to a head with dabi burning him. in the aftermath, hawks carries the consequences of herodom directly on his body, and his phone emphasizes the severe state he's in, filling in for his voice at a time when his voice has been literally taken away. this is a low point where a lot of characters grapple with betrayal, guilt, and judgment--and it's also a time of resilience.

his phone is a practical thing after the raid, strictly business for the most part--typical of a side-character in a shonen conveying information to the audience--while he is also working hard to pick up some of the pieces of what's been broken.

he avoids using his phone to reciprocate when tokoyami keeps trying to reach him. a relationship with tokoyami that isn't at arms-length is a commitment to being more open and vulnerable to someone who looks up to hawks rather than the other way around, and based on thought patterns and dialogue during the final war, it seems hawks seriously struggles with the idea that he's someone worth looking up to.

at midoriya's retrieval, there's a bit of standing to the side and remarking "wow look at what those crazy kids are doing", again á la shonen side character, but also a moment that has hawks distantly interacting with a model of what emotional vulnerability and intimacy looks like. him bearing witness to 1-a getting midoriya back ends up being critical to his understanding of one for all after uraraka's speech, and the whole ofa-connecting-peoples'-hearts-thing is a pretty transparent vehicle for one of mha's main ideas: that reaching out to others, even when hard, is what saves them and makes the world a better place. suddenly, hawks's original goals of saving people and creating a peaceful world become intertwined with being emotionally open to others (while his work as a hero up until this point, alongside his trauma, has had him doing the very opposite).

and *finally* as of 430 he's using the phone more like how a person normally would--for personal communication and relationships (and some job stuff still, but even so). with endeavor's retirement, there is no more pretense/obligation to the betterment of society to fall back on as to why he reaches out. enji is no longer the number 1 whom so many rely on, and when hawks offers him his support, it can serve no other purpose than simply being something for their personal gratification. hawks isn't propping enji up as a powerful public figure who needs to succeed, but talks to him because that's what hawks genuinely wants to do. and considering that enji has had no insight into hawks's lil thought bubbles prior, this is the first real moment that he can have direct confirmation of that fact. and with that, hawks did it! he talked to a friend! it's a start ☺️👏👏👏👏👏

i see all this is more serendipitous than super 100% deliberate, but when one writes a character arc that actually ends up going somewhere, then that character's interactions with even everyday objects will naturally come to parallel wherever they're at in their arc.

[donnerpartyofone]

nothing to see here

I have to get over this crippling fear of being misunderstood that makes me angry, paranoid, anti-social, and sometimes even aggressive. It makes me say too much or too little. It makes me a worse writer.

I think that when most people complain about being misunderstood, they are talking about having a bad reputation, being slandered, or having no one who takes the time to get to know them. The latter thing correlates with a false equivalence between being understood and being liked, which is not a necessary product of understanding. Sometimes people also equate being understood with being correct--forgetting that someone can understand what you are saying and still disagree with it. Variations on all of those things have happened to me, just like anybody else, but my anxiety is really about people simply not comprehending the basic things that I am actually saying.

People in my life tell me that I'm very articulate, this is held to be my main quality I think, but that idea is contradicted by the frequency with which I go to great pains to explain something as specifically as possible, only to have people (often the same people who tell me I'm smart and well-spoken) completely misconstrue it, project their own baggage onto it, hold me responsible for assumptions about what I mean that are contradicted by what I just said, repeat back to me what I just said as if it were their own original idea, or even answer questions that I didn't actually ask. Mansplaining is alive and well in 2024 CE, perhaps especially among leftist men who believe they could never personally commit this crime, which presumption leaves them wide open to mansplaining all the time without thinking. But that's only a small part of the story of why so many people never seem to have the slightest idea of what I am saying to them, no matter how specific and detailed I try to be in my quest to say one thing clearly, while eliminating all over possible meanings.

I suppose it is terrifying to be misunderstood because it can make it so that you cannot control your circumstances. Advocating for yourself counts for nothing if people witlessly or willfully fail to understand your words. Language control is a major weapon of authority. I have been in corporate situations where my colleagues and I were prevented from resolving problems because upper management, who were tired of hearing about the problems, instituted language bans that prevented us from even discussing the problems clearly and effectively. I was once at an ayahuasca retreat (don't ask) where the shady organizers banned everyone from using the word "sick", which I guess was contrary to their whole healing ideology; so if you had to "get well" then you would "get well" into your bucket and an attendant would empty the bucket into the "wellness pit". One of the people I was with had grown up in an evangelical environment and went on to study religions and cults, and he pointed out that this form of language control is a classic red flag--and in particular if you are taking away a person's ability to make a critical distinction like the one between sickness and health, that can indicate a pretty dangerous situation. For another, even more obvious example, if you're in a relationship where someone is creating ambiguity around words like "yes" and "no", and inventing all kinds of subtext and context for your words, you're in trouble.

Of course, misunderstanding happens for all kinds of innocent reasons too. People don't listen that well, they don't read that well, they are just waiting for their turn to talk, they're angry and they don't think about what they're really hearing or saying, they are full of subconscious projections, they assume they know what you're talking about without reviewing your whole statement and then they just make their usual foregone conclusions. They have some narrative in mind, often a more optimistic one than whatever you are struggling to describe, and they'll contradict you with this attitude like they're doing you a big favor (like they're not kind of calling you a liar). It's incredibly frightening to be misunderstood. It's like one of those nightmares where you're running away in slow motion, or more aptly you try to scream but nothing comes out. I'm 100% sure this is why I'm so obsessed with language: I think that if I can just figure out how to say things that are always understood, then I will be able to save myself from danger.

But this fear makes me take things seriously when I shouldn't. The internet can help you find your people and it can show and teach you things you didn't know about before, but every time you say anything online, to friends or strangers, you create limitless opportunities to be misunderstood in ways that you have never dreamed possible. It is so hard for me not to correct people. I KNOW that it is not important for internet randos to understand me. I also KNOW that most people still won't understand me even if I correct them. But it is SO HARD not to say "That's not what I said" or "That's exactly what I already said" or "You're making an assumption that isn't based on anything and is also not true" or "I didn't ask" or "That's not even what I was talking about." I KNOW it doesn't matter, and that if I dig in with someone, I am likely to become MORE FRUSTRATED. But when I don't correct the person, this DANGER light goes on in my brain and all day long I have this anxious feeling like I forgot to do something important, like I left the oven on or something, and I had better go back and fix the problem OR ELSE. It's easy to decide intellectually that not everyone's opinions and perceptions matter, and it is obvious that misunderstanding is a common problem that you can never eliminate completely, so the only thing to do is ignore the situation and keep living your life. But if only ignoring the situation were not so emotionally loaded, it would be a lot easier to steer clear of making bad situations worse.

Another option is to just stop saying things altogether, and this is actually an appealing possibility. Unfortunately it comes with just as much emotional difficulty as the fruitless struggle to make oneself understood.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

What do you think of Hylia? I’ve seen fans paint her as the true villain of Zelda series. Many of which blame her for the reincarnation cycle, and pretty much every bad thing that happened after SkSw’s era.

I have strong feelings about the fandom’s treatment of Hylia, but I’m gonna try to keep this chill.

Long story short, the hatred for Hylia doesn’t make logical sense.

It’s based on the erroneous assumption that Hylia caused the curse (fun fact, if people bothered playing the game they’d see that it was Demise who did it), or it’s based on botw Zelda’s struggles and frustrations because the story is told from her point of view. Oh no!! Hylia is evil because she didn’t listen as Zelda pleaded!! That’s not how prayer works, guys. You don’t get what you want, you get what you need, and Zelda’s major issue stemmed from her father, the pressure on her, her own insecurities, her lack of training and guidance. It’s a two way street to make things work - for all we know Hylia was trying to reach out to her but Zelda couldn’t hear her over the beratement from Rhoam screaming in her head or the whispers of the people echoing in her brain or her own questioning if she could even do it.

So basically, fandom’s Hylia bashing is based on poorly thought out arguments. Also they use characters who don’t even know who she is??? Like, Time, Legend… they have no freaking clue who Hylia is, guys. Her character didn’t even exist when their games were made. Maybe people are trying to make continuity or something, but Hylia was never mentioned in those eras.

Now! Did Hylia do questionable things? Yeah! Yeah, she did! But you know what else she did? She sacrificed herself multiple times to save her people, she fought her own war to protect everyone and the Triforce. She sent people to Skyloft to protect them while fighting alongside those who likely chose to remain. She died in her battle against Demise. She planned on coming back as a mortal, giving up everything she is, so she could finish the job and eliminate the threat. Yes, she used Link - she took a calculated risk, choosing someone with a pure heart who had the fighting prowess necessary if the need arose, and she befriended him. Yes! She used him! It’s messed up! But she also did everything she could to guide and protect him, and she tried to just do it herself without him if she could.

All that being said, sometimes Hylia bashing makes sense in the context of the narrative and the narrator. If your character/narrator has a beef with her for some reason, then yeah, they’re gonna criticize her. Doesn’t make them right about her. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But the idea of the fandom vilifying her is just… stupid.

Sometimes I don’t think it has to do with the stories at all, it’s people venting frustrations they’ve had with religious groups. I can’t fault them for that, but when I see that connection it kind of feels like a smack in the face and really freaking hurts, because God and Christianity aren’t people’s bad experiences, but I’m not opening that can of worms. I can’t control everyone’s experiences and nobody wants to hear me say that just because a person or group of people acted like hateful morons doesn’t mean that’s what Christianity is about. So anyway.

I like Hylia. Demise caused the curse. Hylia was trying to stop him before he even had a chance to utter a word. Demise’s curse led to bad things happening.

[fayrobertsuk]

Carpe Caput, not Kaput...

... or something.

The other evening, a new acquaintance was asking advice in a group about how to make a solid go of it in a creative field I'm only just starting to peer into, so I felt I had nothing to offer, but actually, in hindsight? I'm pretty sure a lot of the same advice applies to pretty much most creative fields (and possibly broader), so here goes:

Show up. I'm serious. Practise, try new methods, work hard at your craft. Put in the hours. Turn up to events, reliably. If you're booked for something, turn up on time. Check what the producer/ host means by "on time" - too early can be as stressful for them as too late. If you need to cancel, postpone, or let them know you're running late, do your best to tell them that well in advance of the event starting. They probably won't be able to take messages otherwise. This goes whether you're an open mic attendee or a headliner, and everything else in between. If you do this too much, don't expect people to ignore that, no matter how nice and/ or talented you might be.

Be helpful, polite, and/ or personable. If you struggle with what that looks like, for neurospicy or other social anxiety/ processing reasons, the best, very best thing you can do for a producer is ask what they need and pay attention to what they actually say, especially if you can give a short list of the kind of things you know you're good at doing. Including fetching refreshments for in-venue events. Hell, offering to keep them company while they do a boring-but-fiddly thing it would take too long to explain to other people is great. Do not be offended if they say no at first. They don't know you. You haven't turned up enough for them to form an impression of your utility. The same goes for compliments - work out what actually makes them feel pleased about themselves or their work, which means observing. Fending off meaningless/ unwanted compliments can get really tiring.

Thank people. It's amazing how far properly and sincerely thanking people goes. This applies so far across the board, and not just in the arts. Doesn't have to be elaborate or embarrassingly effusive, but genuine thanks are a wonderful gift.

Take criticism, but don't take shit. I have stolen this phrasing from an excellent producer I know. It's a really succinct way of putting something it took me a long while to learn. Take opportunities to learn from people who know better than you, but don't feel you're supposed to please everyone at every turn, whether they're the producer or you're the producer, especially if it means sacrificing too many bits of your own psyche, let alone any of your own soul. You can leave a situation without sacrificing everything. Which leads us to:

Not everyone is going to like you. They're just not. You're not going to be to everyone's taste. That's fine. I do not mean by this to aim to become some tedious edgelord. There are already far too many of those. I just mean: let go of the grief that comes with incompatibility. Use it to learn how to choose your targets better, but don't let it rule you. RSD is a bastard, but it generally doesn't have all the facts. Be prepared to let go with grace. Talking of which:

Don't be afraid to ask for feedback/ give it if asked. You never know. And see #4.

You are going to fuck up. Own it. Learn from it. Process and communicate the lessons. Don't let it stop you striving (but do let it stop you being a dick about it).

Don't burn your bridges. I can barely believe I'm typing this on the internets in the year 2024, but holy shit - making a life as a creator is hard enough without alienating people. And creators look out for each other so yes: people will talk if you start flinging insults and other harm around when someone doesn't give you what you want. Stop. Think. Outsource your common sense to a proper friend (i.e. one who will tell you that you're overreacting) if necessary. Do not publicly insult other producers and creatives in your field. If someone has done grievous hurt to you, of course talk to other people about it, but please, for the love of all that's holy, if you find all your friends giving up on you, one-by-one or in droves, you need to stop, breathe, find another way, work out how you can (re)construct rather than (self-)destruct in the wake of a disappointment. I do not mean to ignore or play down actual harm done to you. Emphatically not. Just consider whether e.g. not getting an opportunity you really, really wanted is actually a conspiracy, or maybe you didn't learn from some spectacular #7...

Acknowledge your privilege. Probably preaching to choir here on Tumblr, but if you find yourself envying people of less privilege than you, saying "Huh, I don't get booked because I'm not [insert marginalised demographic here]!" you definitely want to stop and consider your motives, and what your brain is actually telling you. Are you missing community? Are you missing cohesion? Are you missing feeling special? You're a fucking artist - you're already special, and there's a great deal of community to be found, even if you think your work/ style/ taste is too niche. Possibly especially if you think your work/ style/ taste is too niche. But if you find yourself putting effort into believing that there's truly a conspiracy to put [insert mainstream demographic(s) here] out of work or out of the limelight, I hate to tell you this, but you're not coming from a place of good faith at all. Work out what the actual problem is, and solve that. But not by joining the fascists. Please. Those people are not your friends.

Don't quit the dayjob. I learned this the hard way. Whatever your Next Great Move is, try it out first in bitesize increments. Unless you're independently wealthy, in which case fucking go for it. And maybe share some of the wealth while you're at it. 😉 Sometimes we don't have much of a choice and we have to make a go of the creative career because of diverse Difficult Times. If that happens, don't be afraid to ask for help. Seriously. Ask for help.

I'm manifestly not the world's most successful poet/ musician/ voice artist/ storyteller/ publisher/ event promoter, and I've definitely screwed up a bunch of times (although I sincerely hope I haven't done an #8 or #9!), but I think these are reasonably sensible things to take into account (and I need to work harder on many of them myself). The thing is: I've seen too many people founder on their own entitlement with too little to back it up. I've witnessed people succumb to the temptation to steal ideas, sometimes word-for-word, because certain measures of success seemed more important than creative integrity and pride in their own work. I've seen people burning their bridges and then complain very loudly about the smoke inhalation. I've seen people surrender to jealousy and untapped depths of bigotry because they felt lonely and out of place. And I've seen people act as though no-one else is real and this means that they can take whatever their ego demands they be fed.

None of these things work for long, and none of them seem to satisfy - there will always be something missing in the attention and stimulation these dark paths cast an artist's way. And I'd feel sorry for all of them, if the more extreme exemplars weren't causing awful damage as they go.

Anyway, if you've more to add, please do so - no matter how slowly, sometimes, I do love to learn!

[scary-monsters]

some thoughts on parental loss, isolation, self-sabotage, etc etc. not a necessary read but. just where my head has been lately.

march and april are very difficult months for me, every single year. my birthday approaching always manages to send me into a cycle of nauseating anxiety, and april is the anniversary of my dad's passing.

i miss my dad more than i have in years, and i'm not entirely sure where that's coming from. he passed away suddenly in his sleep, without any warning, back in 2011, just weeks before my high school graduation. i remember the morning of his death more than i remember than my grad ceremony. it's a common thing to say but: i am my father's daughter. i look in the mirror and i see him looking back at me, and the older i get the more clear it is.

i see the good things: someone who values laughter and laughs often, someone who shows love for people through actions, someone who loves music, someone with a creative spirit who constantly yearns to make things, someone who loves animals, someone who believes strongly in individualism

but i see the bad things too: someone who isolates themselves to an unhealthy degree, someone who feels this inherent fear over connecting with people, someone who doesn't ask for help even when it's critical, someone who struggles with emotion regulation, someone who harbors a lot of resentment despite trying not to, someone who aches for the numbness that comes with alcohol

he was an alcoholic, and i don't feel bad saying that because he would've openly admitted that to anyone who asked. he said it to me many times during our nightly "bonding" sessions during the last couple years of his life, which was essentially both of us on our own computers doing our own thing while he drank and drank and drank and told me to be quiet about it, keep it secret, and proceeded to say horrible things about my mom and me and my siblings. but i was expected to sit there and listen. i was raised to be his "best friend", i wasn't his daughter. and i have worked very hard to forgive him for that, but it still stings sometimes.

some days i want nothing more than to yell at him, now that i'm older and i have a voice of my own and i understand how unfair his treatment of me was. other days i want nothing more than to cry in his arms because despite being scarcely physically affectionate, my dad gave some of the best hugs i've ever felt in my life. i will never forget the two times i can recall him hugging me, those memories come back to me when i'm at my lowest, and i replay his voice saying "i'm proud of you" over and over again in my head.

i see more of him in my personality every single day, and it scares me. i remember how openly he talked about wanting to die, how he told me exactly what songs he wanted played at his funeral just months before he suddenly passed. it was as if he knew it was going to happen, but he was always at peace with it. unfortunately i see those thoughts and feelings in me lately. i have written letters, countless times. i know exactly what song i would want played at a funeral, though admittedly i wouldn't really want one in the first place. i am at peace with the idea of not waking up one day. but that scares me.

ever since the holidays last year, i've been pulling back more and more from everyone around me. and i don't know if people notice, i try not to think about it because it sends me down a thought spiral that only makes me feel even worse. truly? i don't think people would notice that much if i died, it's not as if i'm very present in people's lives as it is. i simply don't have the energy to be. i have little faith in my ability as a friend. i look at everyone around me, at the friendships they've cultivated, at the bonds they have, and i wonder how it is that people can so easily find connection with others. my entire life it's felt like a battle. on the rare occasions that i do feel like a part of something, it fades after a few months and i feel like i'm back at square one, like i have to restart. that cycle has followed me my entire life.

and that's sort of where i am right now. i don't feel at home anywhere. i don't feel important. if i were to look at myself from someone else's point of view, i imagine that i'm the person who's special when it's convenient. someone who exists to build up other people, to help them move forward in life. and that's not a bad thing, in fact i love having a positive impact on people or helping them when i can, but when i've been used up and i'm not useful or interesting anymore, i feel like i'm often tossed to the side. i have always felt replaceable. i've been told i'm lackluster, that my personality is nothing special, that i'm one-note, that i offer nothing. and i am starting to latch on to those words more and more every day.

but back to my dad: something he frequently told me was that i "don't need people" and that "they will just use you and hurt you" and i fully believed that for most of my life. it wasn't until i was in my early 20s that i started to realize how lonely life was, so i tried making friends. but my toxic traits came to bite me in the ass, every single time. whether that was the period of time where i was an undiagnosed bipolar neck-deep in an explosive manic phase, or frequent phases where i simply backed away from everyone out of self-preservation, until i was ultimately forgotten. i fear i'm reaching that point again, and it's so frustrating because i have done so much internal work. for years. and it's like those words keep coming back. people will hurt me. maybe i've always been meant to be alone. i don't like that reality, but again: the older i get, the more i feel myself becoming a loner who craves connection but fears it so deeply that it doesn't seem worth it anymore.

in an ideal world, i would be a faceless artist who creates things for herself and anyone else who likes it. someone who doesn't necessarily need anyone, doesn't desire connection, is satisfied with being by herself all the time. but the truth is that's not what i am. i crave connection so much it makes me sick. but i don't know how to get it. i don't know how to feel secure in any of my relationships with anyone. maybe i'm not capable of it. i'm one of the weakest people i know in terms of emotions, i have to be handled so delicately and it feels so unfair to expect that sort of delicacy and care from anyone. i never saw it growing up, i was surrounded by silent rage that festered until emotional blowups happened, and i was expected to fix things, i was expected to mend those relationships. i was a child. and i still feel like a child. i still feel like that girl that's constantly on high alert waiting to take care of other people so i'll feel at least some semblance of worth. all while i fight to ignore my own wants and needs. i am just so tired of feeling so worthless. i want someone to take care of me for once. and i'm afraid that's never going to happen, that maybe my dad was right all along.

[allsadnshit]

Even if ur sort of joking and not being too serious abt it it's so relieving to see u say that like sometimes I'm really feeling gaslit by everyone who swear there's nothing wrong with smoking weed when I've seen it affect ppl so negatively omgggg

Yeah substance abuse is not good for anyone even if it is common. I smoked weed all day everyday for almost a decade and got sooo mad anytime anyone told me hating being sober ever was a problem, but now I'm sober and feeling my feelings and it's been scary but very joyful to have lived through addiction and seen recovery personally

I think also on a more personally intimate note as someone with chronic pain, weed is talked about like something that calms the body and relieves pain "naturally" but if you're buying legal weed from government stores they are covered in pesticides and genetically modified and vaping or smoking just IS damaging physically to do, and everyone knows it and acts like that's not a factor. I had sooo many people push me to get my weed card when I got diagnosed with a chronic illness and I used it for pain for a while and it was such a trap. It's just another way to justify covering up pain that ultimately is there trying to signal something that needs addressed. It's so western medicine to bandaid over the symptoms instead of doing the hard long term laborious alternative of finding the root cause of health problems. So I am against normalizing smoking weed both socially surrounding people who pretend it "doesn't count" as substance abuse, but I'm also very critical of it being considered a medical solution for anyone even though I think there are cases where it might be helpful for transitional coping, coping shouldn't be the goal and if it prolongs the process by covering up the urgency then I don't see it as a good thing.

But yeah, happy 4/20... I hope everyone struggling with their weed addictions finds help resolving why they have a drug dependency and then gets the love and resources necessary to not need it anymore

[thefuseoftemptation]

requesting a reader masking maybe? I struggle with it sometimes since I haven't really experted it I guess

I see you and I got you. It’s not much though. Thanks for the request!!!

—TO BE THERE FOR YOU

EDDIE MUNSON X AUTISTIC GN!READER

A/N: But because this isn't too thorough and masking is quite complex to try to type because it's the reader being 'normal'. Plus everyone isn't the same when it comes to masking and some don’t even do it so—I put what could be seen or included when it fluctuates based from my own self. If it’s not what you were looking for, lmk or resend it.

WARNING(S): cussing, hurt/comfort? not sure what else to put, lmk though. Not proofread.

. . .

It took so much out of you. Even if it wasn’t to the full extent. You could only keep up with a little at a time before you felt yourself fluctuating. Masking wasn’t a constant for you— only really doing it when you were with others. It just depended on who you were with and where you were at.

The usual stims weren’t as repetitious, they were subtle, and much smaller when you masked. You kept eye contact for lengths of time, and when you spoke it was much more than what you were used to. Sometimes less if it wasn’t really necessary.

But as time went by, you felt yourself failing at keeping it up. Your clear speaking turned to stutters, your tone too changing, eye contact was everywhere—looking to the floor than the one you were speaking to, and you weren’t so still. You felt yourself fumbling with your sleeve, pulling the loose thread which was now turning into a huge hole. 

And with all that, had come the looks. Oh, the fuckin looks. Nothing but them prying and questioning ‘why you were like that?’

By then you went quiet, not really feeling like putting up with them and excusing yourself. You knew how to handle times like these, but sometimes, it was relieving when you had someone else there to help you through them. Like Eddie.

He usually could tell when your mask was fluctuating, pulling you from the people or in some cases— turning the conversation from you so you felt more settled. But he wasn’t here with you. You wouldn’t see him until later so you just had to get through it without him.

. . .

When you pulled up into the lot, Eddie was on the steps waiting. Getting to his feet and holding his arms wide open in greeting. The gesture had you quickly lurching towards him, tucking yourself further into his form.

“Hello to you too.” Eddie’s usually met with you chucking back with some quick reply, but when there’s nothing— not even a little hum— his brows pull together.

The unsteady sigh you release suddenly letting him know it was that type of day. He knew lately you’ve been struggling, getting quite critical of yourself when it came to you masking because you haven’t experted it fully. 

Eddie pulled you closer to his chest, not once loosening his hold on you. 

“I see, it’s one of those times, huh? Well, Eddie’s here now. It’s just us, and no one else, you hear?” Him using the third person and then pulling the vowels out, had you muffling something that had couldn’t be understood.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the time we should be spending together. There is to be no talking ‘bout what happened until you feel ready and by how you still haven’t let go, that tells me you’re not ready. So—” Eddie backs you guys up as he speaks, losing his footing a little as he steps over the threshold.

“Watch your step.” You murmur as you feel yourself stumble with him.

“Shut up— ”

. . .

You guys were lying on the couch, you under Eddie who was between your legs, his head on your chest as he spoke.

He was talking under his breath, nothing generally in thought, just speaking whatever was on his head knowing you weren’t going to say much since you’ve done most of it already during your time away.

“So then when I was telling them ‘bout—” Eddie looked up briefly, checking to see if you were listening. “Still here, Eddie. M’not leaving especially with you on top of me.”

Eddie makes a face, pretending to be hurt by what you uttered. “You trying to tell me something, Y/L/N?” 

“No, just finish what you were going to say.” You chuckle.

Eddie uses his elbows for support, “you feel like talking yet?” Tilting his head as he looks at you.

“S’just,” you sigh. “It took a lot out of me— too much.” You state, and he didn’t have to ask to know what you were referring to.

“Not everyone could mask, some could only go so long before they feel themselves struggling to keep it up, so s’not just you. Y’know how I get…” Eddie gestured to himself and you nod knowing what he meant.

“I know…” You murmur, threading your fingers through his curls. “Thanks for listening and being there for me, Eddie. And you know— just being you.”

“Not like I could be any one else.” He nudged, his lips stretching up as he leans into you.

You shook your head, shoving him before lying back again.

“Shut up and c’mere.”

. . .

A/N: feedback and reblogs appreciated.

[neonscandal]

Hi, Neon....Are you free now? If yes, please read this BL manga : Loss Time ni Hanamuke o by Cocomi...

It's not the sweetest but it's the one of the most realistic BL that I've read until now. It's an angst with a happy ending. And somehow I got SatoSugu vibes from this couple (sorry if I'm wrong). Like they love each other but lack of communication became their problem. It's a break up come together again story...

If you have read it, can I ask your opinion on it? Thanks.....

ANON. ANON. 🧡

I hadn't read it but prioritized it at your request and so, so Satosugu. Haha I wonder if I'd have noticed that had you not framed it up but at the same time, even visually, the long hair and Suguru's own mane... it was bound to happen. Also, don't apologize for your thoughts or interpretations! I definitely don't and I'm sure I've been loud and wrong before (and will be again✨). I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me and thank you for recommending this!

OPINION

There was something so nostalgic about it. Not just because, unlike most stories, it begins at the tail end of a relationship. But to see what's clearly established affection cooled by the disconnect of miscommunication and a lack of appreciation... I think everyone can relate. It wasn't a sad, traumatic story. But it was a bitter and rueful story that could still evoke tears if you've been in a similar situation. That situation, of course, being one that proves that sometimes love is simply not enough.

Two perfect pieces don't fit together one day and call it happily ever after. Four years in and the couple still struggles with selfishness, with the idea that sex is the same as intimacy or honesty. That someone who can be unilaterally focused on their words, to the point where personal care falls to the wayside, can come up so short when they really matter.

This felt like a really honest (and short!) insight into what broke Tsukushi and Toui apart but also what made them work. In fact, this ask reminded me of another ask wherein I kinda lamented that BKDK or STSG-esque dynamics would be hard to find in something short. But here we are, you with the ultimate sauce and me eating my words. 🏆

We don't know if Tsukushi and Toui end up staying together. Returning to one another with the promise of change could very well be short lived regardless of how earnestly they want to be with one another. But the idea of love spoiling into resentment, especially in the presence of what are clear acts of love being taken for granted do feel SatoSugu-esque in nature. We know there's More (TM) to their story, of course, but this almost shows us that, even if they weren't child soldiers, there would still be a point in their relationship where Geto's overly caring and accommodating nature may want more than catering to Gojo who is so closed off in his own little world. In JJK universe, he's driven by his own identity as The Strongest regardless of how he drags Geto into that entitled status that it blinds him to Geto's own withering mental condition. Moreover, this fundamental idea of Understanding being a necessary part of love is a huge point of contention between SatoSugu that was so disheartening, as well. Thus far, it feels like we only get Gojo's interpretation of events but this story gives voice to Geto's as well which makes him snapping and breaking away from Gojo slightly less uncharacteristic but rather justified when he lacks critical support.

TL;DNR: This story wasn't an emotional rollercoaster fraught with traumatizing drama. Instead, it was a quiet reminder of the love that lingers when things don't end in a bang but rather a whisper. Two lovers desperately huddling their hands around the flickering flame of what once was, uncertain why things simply don't work between them any longer. Relatable pining, would recommend. Especially if you're looking to get a whiff of SatoSugu in another flavor.

[la-bruja]

🐉 @dragonboytail follow

we need to ban parents from using the word "attitude" so they can maybe start grappling with the fact that their children maybe are having a reasonably angry response

🍲 @matzobs follow

This sounds wild when you write it down like I'm about to, but I'm right:

Sometimes the kid's feelings simply aren't relevant to the situation, and it's better parenting to explain that to them.

I get it, you don't want to go to skool. I don't particularly want to send you to skool. But the law says you have to go, and the alternatives aren't realistic, and we live in the world. The bright side is, your friends will be there. I'd recommend finding some joy in that. Please go brush your teeth now.

I hear you thought you were hanging out with your friend this weekend but it's rosh hashana. Sometimes being jewish means doing things we dont think we'll like. We made an agreement. They'll be blowing the shofar. Put your white shirt on.

🦌 @vaspider √✔️☑️✅🦀 follow

"Your feelings are real but not always relevant" is a thing that a lot of people could use to learn earlier.

👬 @jraker4 follow

I can see why many folks would shy away from this lesson, because it is *super easy* (and not uncommon!) to weaponize ‘sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to’. But…sometimes ya do, and the person making you do it isn’t always bad for making you do it.

⚫️ @xxlovelynovaxx follow

The thing is, it's better to convince someone to do something than force them to - and explaining why it's important to do the thing and y'know, treating a child like the actual human being they are by validating their feelings but having a conversation about why it's necessary anyway - will often do that.

In the rare events where explaining doesn't help or even makes it worse, it is often then time to consider if there's a deeper issue at play. I can guarantee 9/10 times it's not entitlement. Is the kid undiagnosed as neurodivergent and having a meltdown because they know an event will be sensory hell? Do they legitimately not understand WHAT they have to do and are focusing on WHY they have to do it as a coping mechanism?

There's a wide gap to how people in general react to "things I don't really want to do but fully can" vs "things I genuinely can't do or would hurt me to do to the point that even if they're technically possible for me to do, I functionally can't do them". Kids are no different - and quite honestly in my experience, no less able to articulate this than most adults, who also struggle to recognize the difference.

If it's discovered that it really is a bigger issue than "not wanting to", then it's a lot of work to make bigger adjustments. Sometimes it means temporarily dealing with the penalties of missing a necessary event - getting a doctor's note from a child psychologist to pull them out of school for more than 1-3 sick days while further uncovering the underlying cause of the inability to deal with school, for example. Is it undiagnosed neurodivergence? Untreated mental illness? Bullying? Some form of trauma unrelated to school that is still most impacting school? An ability to get a need met being severely impacted by the time and energy spent on school? Etc.

Anyway, part of the reason "your feelings are real but not always relevant" is so important is because it's a critical tool in determining when your feelings ARE relevant. And the earlier you learn that, the happier and healthier you'll be as you grow.