#it's the entire thesis of this show and it means everything to me actually

[queerly-autistic]

I'm thinking again about Lucius going 'maybe the time spent with you is the best it's ever going to get for him' and Stede responding with 'I'm not ready to believe that', because, fuck, isn't that literally the whole heart and centre and soul of this whole show? When you're at your lowest point, and everyone else has (understandably, tbh) given up on you, the power of having that one person who says 'I'm still here, and I refuse to believe that it can't get better for you'? Someone who sees you at your worst and absolutely believes there's more to you than that? That one person who loves you when you're at your most unlovable and believes in you and your future even when you can't see it? The absolute conviction that you can come back, you can recover, you can make amends, you can be happy? Like. This show. Fuck.

[that-ari-blogger]

"Do you want to know a secret?" (The Portal)

I think that the rules of writing are overblown.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things you should and shouldn’t do when telling a story, but those are more guidelines than actual rules.

Case and point, She-Ra is a story predicated on repetition, which shouldn’t be as entertaining as it is. The “bad ending” is effectively another season, which is a unique premise, and a threat that the story absolutely delivers on multiple times.

But, to me at least, the story is enthralling, and keeps me coming back to it. It works, not despite its repetition, but because of it.

Although, that isn’t exactly true. I’ve described the story as cyclical before, but it isn’t entirely. It’s a spiral, because the cycle of abuse is an innately unstable dynamic, and will only end in tragedy if it isn’t broken.

If you don’t want to take my word for this, I give you the season 3 finale, The Portal, which spells out the series’ thesis in about as blunt of a way as is possible.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Watchmen, Batman: The Killing Joke, Superman: For The Man Who Has Everything, Justice League Unlimited)

I grew up reading Alan Moore comics, and if you don’t know who that is, I both pity you and envy you. Alan Moore is one of the most misrepresented writers of the modern age, and its entirely his own fault.

Moore is known for writing V For Vendetta, The Killing Joke, and Watchmen, all of which have a distinctly grim tone. He is one of those writers who seems to care more about the story he is telling than how much people enjoy it, and so he usually has a point to make.

Unfortunately, we end up with the Cyber Punk dilemma, in which Alan Moore’s genuinely unrivalled literary talent leads to people really enjoying his stories, which means they unintentionally miss the actual themes of those stories. In the case of Watchmen, this led to people seeing the gore and the violence and the depression and trying to replicate that.

This is where we get The Boys from, shallow sadness and spectacle. If that’s your thing, go for it, but it isn’t mine.

But I bring up Moore in a discussion of She-Ra for a reason, and that is the relentless hope inherent in his writing. In Moore’s stories, hope prevails every single time, with the only exception being extremely subjective. The Killing Joke focuses on the idea that everyone is one bad day away from becoming evil, and that gets proven wrong. Watchmen is about how small humans are and how annihilation changes people, yet the characters are able to find joy and an escape from their trauma, and show kindness to each other even when the sky almost literally falls on their heads.

The Boys isn’t very good as an adaptation of Moore’s themes (In my opinion). If you want one that actually understands the source material, watch The Incredibles, or Justice League Unlimited, or She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.

I have praised She-Ra for its animation and pacing, as well as its overarching story, but I think its greatest strength is its humanity. Characters in She-Ra are incredibly fragile, psychologically, and yet they are incredibly resilient.

Catra and Adora’s development gets methodically and efficiently destroyed by Shadow Weaver, and yet Adora becomes a hero and Catra… well, we’ll see how that works out in later seasons.

One of my favourite Moore stories is a superman story from 1985 called For The Man Who Has Everything. This was adapted into an episode of Justice League Unlimited, but I prefer the comic.

The story follows Superman being forced to live out his greatest desire. It doesn’t sound that bad, but the point is that he is kept happy and therefore out of the picture while villains can do villain things. It’s very much a story from its time, and I love it.

Interestingly, however, Superman’s dream takes him back to Krypton, where he isn’t Superman, and he is happy. He has a wife, and a son, and he never lost anything. He can spend time with his parents.

Even with the shenanigans that ensue (because this is a comic), his time in this dream is fun, and relaxing. Until he works out he’s dreaming, and has to let it go. Superman gets the choice of happiness, or duty, and he takes duty.

The scene in which he says goodbye to his “son”, who does not exist and therefore does not matter, is heartbreaking, and if I ever do comic reviews, I’m talking about this one first.

I now turn your gaze to queen Angella, from whose perspective this story is being told.

The episode actually does a bit of a bait and switch with the point of view, convincing its audience that it is about either Glimmer or Bow, and it kind of is, but not entirely.

Angella has everything she could possibly want, her daughter, her husband, her city. There is no war, there is nothing. Everything is perfect.

“This is perfect, my love, but it’s not real. I remember now. I miss you so much, but Glimmer needs my help, and I can’t stay with nothing but memories. Goodbye Micah”

Does this ring any bells?

I want to point out that this is still Catra’s hallucination, the thing that she wants. So why does she want Angella and Glimmer to be happy?

Catra wants Adora, and arguably loves her, but in an extremely dysfunctional way that says "if I can't have her, nobody can". She is petty, and fully the villain in this episode.

So, the way that she gets Adora to be hers is by ensuring that the people who accepted her would have no space for her in their lives. Why would Glimmer want to spend time with Adora? She has her father. Why would Angella accept Adora? She has her family.

What Catra doesn’t understand is that love isn’t transactional, and that these people are genuinely kind and accepting.

There's the idea of "what you are in the dark." The concept of what a person does when there are no consequences. Characters in this episode keep getting moments like this, when they know that they are fading from existence, and are given moments to show their true colours. Entrapta chooses to be grateful, Bow chooses to be reassuring, and Glimmer chooses to be emotional.

The thing that breaks people out of Catra’s reality is the unexpected. Its Catra’s lack of understanding of people that leads to those people being themselves and instinctively breaking free.

Case and point, Angella and Glimmer help Adora, and because this world was completely unprepared for that minour act of kindness, it can’t keep them contained.

Now, I know what scene you are expecting me to talk about, so I’m going to make you wait, and talk about Catra instead.

Catra is the villain of this episode. If it wasn’t for this being set in her mind, she would have zero nuance. By which I mean, everything about her as a character here is done externally, the way she acts makes her seem like a generic, abusive partner.

Because let me be clear about Catra’s actions here. This is abuse, and it is treated as such by the story. The show doesn’t make apologies for her in this episode, or try to justify it here. Subtlety be damned here, Catra is abusive.

And so, I will read her this way, for this episode. We have seen the nuance leading up to this moment, and we will see a redemption arc. But this is Catra at her lowest, and so I will put aside the past and future to examine the present and the present only. Catra is abusive.

There are two ways you could read this drop in subtlety. One, there are parts of this character that you aren’t seeing, left blank. This episode is presenting you with a character and not showing you the whole thing. Or two, this is a character who has been broken by the story, almost as if parts of her have been removed or lost. Catra is now a fragment of her former self.

I wonder if any of this is reflected in her character design.

“If you hadn’t gotten captured, your sword wouldn’t have opened the portal. If you hadn’t gotten the sword and been the world’s worst She-Ra, none of this would have happened. Admit it Adora, the world would still be standing if you had never come through that portal in the first place.”

This hurts Adora because it’s true. Ok that’s unfair, and inaccurate, but it’s not entirely wrong, and that’s the kicker.

Catra isn’t making this up, she’s just leaving out important details. Because of course, if Adora hadn’t been captured, things would have worked out better, but who was it that captured her? Who was it that made the choice to pull the switch? Who was it that destroyed the world out of spite?

Catra blames Adora for her own actions, and that is, once again, abuse. Which is why it’s so satisfying when Adora stands up for herself.

“I didn’t make you pull the switch. I didn’t make you do anything. I didn’t break the world. But I am gonna fix it.”

Hope is relentless.

But I also want to point out the claiming of agency here. Catra was weirdly insightful at the start of her monologue.

“It's always the same with you, Adora. ‘I have to do this. Oh, we have to do that.’”

Adora’s word choice is a flaw. I looked back at the past few seasons and did a word search through the scripts. I don’t think Adora uses the word “want” more than once at all up to this point.

Essentially, Catra sees things, but extrapolates exactly the wrong message from it. It’s almost as if she’s only seeing half of the world, like her vision is impaired or incomplete somehow.

I wonder if that is reflected in her character design.

In any case, Adora frequently says that she “has to” do things. “Need” is also something she says a lot, and this has the effect of making her an extremely passive character in her own story.

Like I said, this is a moment of agency, but the entire story is a story about that agency. The characters are making choices to either get out of or go along with the downward spiral that the tragic form has set out for them. Catra made the choice to follow, but Adora didn’t. Adora’s word choice makes her look like she has made no choice, but a lack of action is still a decision.

So here, when Adora declares she is “gonna fix it", she takes her agency and decides to walk in a different direction.

This reminds me of an earlier episode, that being Promise.

Hey, look at that action. Looks familiar, right?

This is the only episode I found where Adora says she wants something, although her actual wording is “I never wanted to leave you” when talking to Catra. Go figure.

The moment in question was the episode’s namesake.

“It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.” “You promise?” “I promise.”

Agency. Adora is making a decision to stay with Catra and protect her. She is knowingly choosing to do something.

It’s telling that the two most prominent times Adora has done this have been to protect people. It’s almost as if she wants to be useful, or helpful, or protective. Almost as if she wants to be wanted. It would seem Adora is just as addicted to the highs of Shadow Weaver’s programming as Catra, she just has a better support group.

Although this isn’t a full victory, she doesn’t want to save the world, she is just going to, – we still don’t know what Adora wants – this is a partial success. Hold onto that idea, it will come back later.

“Do you want to know a secret? I am a coward. I've always been the queen who stays behind. Micah was the brave one. And then Glimmer, oh, Glimmer. So much like her father. And once again I stayed behind, letting her make the hard choices, letting her be brave for me. I told myself I was being responsible, but, Adora, I was just scared. And then I met you. You inspired us. You inspired me. Not because it was your destiny, but because you never let fear stop you. And now I choose to be brave.”

Queen Angella is voiced by Reshma Shetty. She doesn’t get much praise, but for this monologue, I think she deserves so much more than she got.

In my fourth post about She-Ra, I discussed Adora’s ability to inspire and linked her to Batman, something I stand by to this day.

In universe, She-Ra isn’t important because she’s a warrior. She exists as a leader, to protect people and pull them into a greater tomorrow. She shines a light for others to follow.

That is what happens in The Portal, Adora succeeds not by fighting the enemy, but by being herself. She only becomes She-Ra to destroy the portal at the end. To save Etheria, the giant sword lady isn’t important.

I mentioned earlier that humans are fragile and resilient at the same time, and I give you Angella as evidence for that claim. Here is someone who has lost her husband, and makes decisions based on that fear and trauma. But when push comes to shove, the fear is secondary.

Reality falling apart lets directors get away with true nonsense. Micah's staff has no reason to be here, other than the fact that it makes a phenomenal metaphor for Angella's trauma. But that's all you need.

Jon Pertwee was the third doctor, and while he isn’t nearly as iconic or influential as some of his predecessors and successors, he did deliver the line that defined the whole series.

“Courage isn't just a matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.”

I started my discussion of this season by claiming that this is the season in which the characters put a dent the tragic cycle, and I have mentioned several times that the cycle of abuse is unstable. So, here is my thesis.

Catra’s arc fails, not in a story sense, but in a personal one. The idea that every character has a single story arc is something is a specific bugbear of mine, and Catra is kind of my case and point for that. She has a redemption arc up to this point, and she ends up as a villain. Then the story continues and she has to start again and decide where to go next. She has no choice but to move in a different direction from here.

But she tasted redemption already. The crimson wastes gave her a taste of what she is missing, and it offered her an out. It gave her a choice, she made one, and consequences were served. I can’t help but imagine that for the entirety of the next season, she is considering running off to the wastes again.

That idea of consequences comes back with Adora, who makes a good decision, and is rewarded for it. Or rather, she makes a decision to actually do something. Adora becomes an active character, and that is what starts to break the cycle. Because now the motion is halted, and the puppets are pulling the strings.

But, this isn’t a complete victory. Angella is lost, Entrapta and Micah are still gone, none of the villains actually get defeated. For an episode with lasting consequences, not much actually happened.

This episode is big on the fact that this is all a dream, which should destroy the engagement. But it doesn’t. In reality, it preserves the status quo physically, but lets all the characters spontaneously experience character development. The victory of this season is that growth, but it came at a cost.

I want to briefly talk about that final shot, before I go, because this is how you introduce a villain. Sure, the voice acting is impeccable, and the cinematography gives an air of mystery and menace to this threat, but the showstopper is the reveal that this villain can destroy a moon with ease.

You see a fleet of ships, there was no battle here, just a villain showing off for nobody but himself. He gets interrupted by the plot, and he’s busy DESTROYING A MOON.

Horde Prime is f***ing terrifying.

This scene is in this episode too. It's meant to show how reality is falling apart, but I actually have a reading of why it's here. I think Catra wanted to preserve who Adora was, hence why she is the source of all the paradoxes. But Catra doesn't understand that Mara's legacy and Razz's teaching are a big part of Adora.

Final Thoughts

I’m going to talk about the implications for later seasons for a moment here, so if you’re avoiding spoilers, now you know.

I think Catra being the villain here makes her redemption so much more compelling, because she actually needs it. There is a difference between this and, for example, Hunter from The Owl House, who doesn’t really need redemption because he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Catra here has very much done wrong and is evil as defined by the show. But the show’s message is that anyone can change, and that the cycle of abuse isn’t set in stone.

So, Catra will redeem herself, and she will struggle, and fall back, and try again. Forgive her or not, the redemption is the effort to be better.

Next week (or whenever the next post is released, I have a terrible work schedule), I will be discussing The Coronation, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[reikunrei]

Omg thank you for your post about El!! That theory is fun and all but I can't believe people think it has any chance of happening in the show. It would amount to a "it was all a dream" ending, people who hate it, and most of all, as you said it wouldn't make sense. I wonder what you think El's ending is going to be, staying true to the themes of the show? I have no idea what they're going to do with her character and I'm really curious to find out. There's also that video of Millie saying she saw her character's ending and thought "ooohh" and walked away slowly. I feel like dying isn't a good choice but then she's just going to be living her life with her friends and her new found family? That seems too... simple. I'm curious to know your thoughts!

yeah, it's a theory that really drives me up a wall because it sequesters el into this "she's not actually important at all" role, which is just... shitty. for all their flaws, the duffers have a pretty good track record when it comes to writing strong female characters (for the most part), and so it feels just wildly out of character for them to pull the rug out from under el and say "oh, she wasn't actually real the entire time" (whether that be for will-based or mike-based manifestation theories. in both (or any) cases, it pushes her into a position of solely aiding her male counterparts and undoing everything handled in her own personal arc. thus: misogyny).

like you said, it really does feel akin to the "it was all a dream" types of storylines, which the duffers have explicitly scoffed at and said is not what's happening. so like, even if it wouldn't completely undermine the story as it's been presented to us thus far, we have more-or-less solid confirmation that it wouldn't be the basis of st5's conclusion, straight from the horse's mouth.

the only time "it's all fake/it's not real" really comes into play (from what we've seen) is regarding stuff with the lab and, specifically, the mf and henry. the "it's all just a dream" stuff is already explicitly presented to us as a bad thing, or not the solution and rather part of the problem. even as it specifically ties to el, nina is something that's largely or entirely fabricated (even if it has real anchor points), and while she comes out of it having regained her powers, that's very likely not the only goal of nina (but i won't get into that here, that's something james talks about a lot in his upcoming thesis post) and the unreality of it all is much more nefarious than it's been presented as thus far.

i mean, even thinking about st2 and will facing the mf as if it's not real/just a nightmare that he can tell to "go away"... only to have that trust in unreality be his whole undoing? like... it just doesn't make sense to me to make "she's not real" a conclusion when every single bit of unreality we've seen thus far has only aggravated things.

and i know i said this in the tags of that post earlier, but just to bring it to the forefront here... it really confuses me to have el's arc be about being different, being an outsider, and feeling like she doesn't belong because she's weird or "the monster"... only to say she should just be shut away forever or killed because of it? like... just say you think "undesirable" weird people should be separated from society and be done with it.

it's the antithesis of the entire show. stranger things, at its core, since the beginning, has been about society's outcasts trying to find their place in the world and accepting their "freak" side and not trying to "fit in." our introduction of henry has explicitly furthered this idea by putting the burden of accommodation on society, not on the individual. and i'd be shocked if they had her reach a point where she felt like she couldn't find a place in the world when we already see that she's more than capable of fostering a comfortable environment with her friends. it's too much like just... giving up, to go the route of "she's not real."

as for what i think the end of her story will be... i have no idea LOL i don't feel confident enough in anything to put down something concrete here. basically, i just don't think it's going to be something akin to "she's a figment of someone's imagination" or was "created" by one of the other characters. she has her own story, her own history, her own life. i don't know what millie could have been reacting to, but i wouldn't be shocked if it was less so "el's ending" and more so something about answering the question of who she really is. so... less of "what's her last scene on the show" and more just... generally figuring out what her whole deal is, you know? because there's still a lot of holes in her past that need filling.

so i guess an answer i can give here, which is definitely wishful thinking, is that i believe the way her story is "wrapped up" will revolve around learning who her parents really are and the actual history of her life (ie. she's not actually jane ives, one of the henries is her parent in some way shape or form, perhaps even brenner is her biological father in some way, etc.), while also touching on the truth of what happened in the lab in 1979 and forward/figuring out just how messy the order of events presented in nina was. like, i firmly believe that the ending of her arc will involve having to come to terms with some really harsh truths about herself and her lineage, and finally wrap up the whole "monster vs superhero" argument she's had going on in her head. so i do think she'll get her "happy life" with her new family and friends, it'll just be a very messy road to get there.

which ties very neatly into some of the overall themes of the show: that sometimes good people do bad things, bad people do good things, not everything is black and white, and the answer to everything is love, compassion, and understanding, even when someone does something "monstrous."

anyway. thank you for giving me a reason to talk about this more and sorry for rambling LOL this stuff just gets me heated!! it annoys me to no end to see characters constantly shoved into the position of "supporting byler" at the expense of their own arcs, and it especially stings for me when it's done to el. especially because i'm in the camp of, if the show had to pick a singular main character, it would be el. she's the tie between the outside world and the lab. she's the one person who helps to really keep everything together and offer answers. so it just feels wildly counterintuitive to essentially give all of that to someone else and make her an expendable middleman.

[acklestarkism]

SUPERNATURAL FINALE : an honest, maybe sometimes controversial, take on tv's biggest disappointment of this decade.

DISCLAIMER : in this essay, i will give my opinion about 15x20 of the silly long-running show Supernatural (no kidding???) and i stand by the fact that i hate it, BUT i am not just going to trash talk my comfort show the entire time, and will try to bring into light the things that actually worked (ahem, yes, i will try to find some...) in this episode. i don't need any attacks on my opinion, you can disagree with the things i am going to say, but let's stay civil, right ? hope you enjoy it !

let's face it, no need to beat around the bush : Dean's death is THE worst thing that could've ever happened to us. 15 years of adoring, worshiping THE best character ever created on tv just for losing him ?? this way ?? feels (sorry but...) fucking disrepectful to me. and listen, i haven't seen that cursed episode again in six months, so don't mind me if my blurry memories are failing me... it still makes me so mad, that the episode starts on OUR beloved hero living a peaceful life, happy, kind of, finally free from god's (yeah, more like chuck) who's been through literal hell, faced a hundred deaths, just to end up on that stupid rebar. fuckin stupid quick, meaningless death of a HERO. i can't even think straight when it comes to this but what makes it EVEN WORST is the freakin comedic part of this episode. the pie in the face ??? when THE Dean Winchester is about to die ??? or Sam's fuckin hideous wig ??? the episode focuses on some POINTLESS hunt involving a fuckin vampire literally no soul remembered from season 1 (if you did remember without even looking it up and just happen to have this knowledge, i am sorry AND really impressed) ?? are you just kidding ?? your main character dies, and you just make it absolutely no big of a deal ? i could not. disrespectful, once again.

Dean isn't even the only one who's been failed on this finale because the same disrespect is put on Sam. i'm not bringing back the wig again (BUT THE WIG THO ??? i know the budget is low with covid and everything but come on ??) but the blurry wife is the icing on the cake. but where they failed Sam the most is the way in 15 years (okay this is not only finale related but i thought it deserved to be brought into light) they never EVER gave the man a real closure with Jess. they literally bring every character back from the dead, or at least give the boys an opportunity to say goodbye at some point but they never even cared giving Sam a proper closure from the most important relationship in his life. this, pals, makes me insanely angry. but at least, Sam gets to live and have an ordinary life until his last breathe.

Castiel isn't even really mentioned again ?? i mean, no need for a long thesis about this shame but he's been a fan favorite for YEARS and they just ???

i reached the part where i have to list the things that worked for me in this cursed episode. well. it gave us Dean x Miracle ? the man deserved to have a dog. and it was one of the cutest thing they ever did on this show. Miracle is somehow Dean's little sparkle of joy and hope after losing Cas. kudos (somehow, in a way, i don't know) to Dean's last speech to Sam, and their heartbreaking exchange. it really moved me, and made sense, it was in character. Dean dying on his feet was also appreciated (and those kudos go to Jensen, thank you buddy) but i will explain why in the next paragraph. anyway, i don't have anything more to add, and trust me i tried really hard!! oh, the photography was also decent, but it's one thing Supernatural always did well, so... not surprising.

i am NOT a supporter of Dean dying in the finale, and i am thankful to the wonderful talented writer in this fandom for their amazing fix-it fictions on the finale. this ground is covered, so i am leaving you with ao3 for all the ways the show could have ended WITHOUT Dean dying. my man deserved to be happy and free ans well. i am going to cover the ground of THE WRITERS REALLY WANT DEAN DYING. fine. i don't agree, but you do you baby. 15 years of the show, Dean Winchester was depicted as a HERO. the fanbase has been dedicated for FIFTEEN FUCKIN YEARS and being myself a 2006 Supernatural fan, this finale made me feel like it was a total loss of time. as i said before, i WORSHIPPED (and i still do) this character like i've never worshipped any other character. what he (and we) deserved for always sacrificing his own happiness and life was to die the hero he's always been. to die, i don't know, saving Sam one last time ? with a show with great biblical implication, didn't he deserve a great biblical tragedy ending ? something huge, epic ? and i know this could be controversial because they are no longer under the influence of god himself, but he could have been paralleled to Jesus somehow, just joining heaven next to Jack and Cas as his mission on earth was over. i don't know. just thinking about things.

what could've also been great would have been Dean's life flashing before his eyes as he was dying. glimpse of unseen good moments, memories, as a tribute to the character. once again, he deserved no less than to be praised for everything he did for his family, and for the world.

anyway. revival is now a thing all over social medias and it could both heal us, or destroy us. it raised a lot of concerns, the most important being will Cas' confession finally be aknowledge ? i sure hope it will for misha's perfect delivery of it, and his fight to allow his character to be himself fully. but i also hope this revival finds a way to "cancel" the mistake the writers made with this finally. it could make sense. it could be yet another illusion, trick, anything really and they could (just like us) pretend it never happened (spoiler alert : it really never happened) and i don't want my hopes too high. but it's possible.

thank you so much for your attention. i wanted to write an essay about the finale but i feel like i've been here and there talking nonsense. i've never really expressed my disappointment before, as it was something really personal to me, but i am glad i finally did. there could have been so much more things said. or said in a better way, but i tried my best :(

love y'all, spn family <3

[heart4reigns]

UNTOUCHABLE, jey uso (ii).

previous chapter

warnings: curse words, making out i guess idk, flirting, substances, cigarettes, alcohol, pet names, people trying to flirt w you

tags: wrap it up kiddos, comedy time!! dominik being slightly jealous because he’s a protective bff

BEING with the top frat boy was difficult at first. the two of you had to adjust your social life, schedule, and everything in-between. it was also kind of weird for people to see the two of you together, but no one dared to say anything. your friends, on the other hand, were very ecstatic about you venturing into the love game. especially for becky and seth. they insisted on going on double-dates with the two of you.

you were still trying your best to show affection for him; as it was hard for you to express your feelings sometimes. jey, contrary to the popular belief–was a kind and loving partner. he understood that you were not used to all of this. you didn’t expect it, coming from him with his entire reign of being a fuckboy. this was something special for him. the love he had for you was genuine and he was willing to try. you weren’t official yet, the two of you were comfortable with what you had now.

it was just a regular friday before finals; seth with his thesis draft, becky with her laptop, jey with his blunt, and you with your books. he was passing the joint to everyone and to your relief, you needed that joint. being the teaching assistant for several first years stressed you out. not to mention, you had to keep track of his academics too. jey decided that he actually needed to change in order for him to graduate. no, he didn’t leave behind his parties and all of that fraternity bullshit; but he wanted to become a better person.

so, he enrolled to one of your study groups.

at first he was joking around, still being the rowdy frat boy he was, but when he saw you during your teaching mode, jey knew he wouldn’t mess with you. “fuck, you rolling another one already?” seth chuckled, seeing him pull out the papers. “blame ms. teaching assistant right here taking up all the puffs.” he ruffled your hair. “finals are coming and i need a break.” you defended yourself.

“are you coming back to your town for holidays?” you shook your head at becky’s question. “no, my mom is going to paris. for no fucking reason.” becky chuckled. “you don’t wanna go with her?” “i think i’ll stay here, i mean i got a job in town. so, summer job. yippie!” you sarcastically said. “what about you becks?” the orange-haired girl took a bite of her apple before answering you. “seth and i are gonna stay with my parents for a bit, we’re not gonna be here for summer, you’ll suffer on your own.” she replied. “and you?” you faced your boyfriend, who was still focusing on his rolling joint.

“i’m staying here, baby. i need to work on my thesis.” jey replied, passing you the freshly-rolled blunt. you took a hit off it, feeling the smoke inside your throat. “you know what? take that one. i’ll just roll another one, baby.” he chuckled and took a quick peck on your forehead. you flared up in embarrassment, still not used to romantic gestures. “awww, look. she’s blushing! seth, take a pic!” “i’ll kick your ass, becky.”

nighttime came and you parted ways with the eccentric couple, leaving you and jey all alone in the abandoned park near the campus ground. the two of you were laying down, head slightly fuzzy due to the substance you took. “i hate you.” you muttered, nuzzling your head on the crook of his neck. “every time you get high on your own, you always blame me, sweetheart.” “i hate you for having good dealers.” you continued. “don’t hate the player, hate the game.” your head felt very light as you studied his features. “you know, you’re really pretty.” you caressed his face. “i could say the same thing, baby.” he leaned closer, lips connecting with each other–taking in the heat of summer.

“are you staying with me tonight?” he asked, in-between kisses. “do you want me to?” you teased him. “you don’t know how much i want you tonight.” he whispered. “well today is your unlucky day, uso. the girls are gonna throw a surprise party for bianca for killing the ballet performance.” yo saw him groan in despair. “fuck, baby. you and your sorority stuff.” jey complained. “hey, i didn’t complain when you were out on a boys camping trip for a week.” you defended yourself. “okay, you’re right. i’m sorry.” “apologies will be accepted in the form of kisses.”

finals came by and you were finishing up your last lab exams for the semester. you quickly packed up your stuff and went outside the lab. to your surprise, you spotted a certain senior leaning on one of the railings in front of your class. "hey, baby." your cheeks reddened as he kissed your forehead. "what are you doing here?" you furrowed your brows. "came to pick you up, we're going to town. you deserve a treat baby."

you got a full princess treatment from him. he took you on never-ending dates, you never paid for anything when you were with him. you insisted on paying every time you were out, but he would always decline. "we're coming to roman's party right?" "i'll go if you go to the seminar with me." jey lit up his cigarette, passing it to you. "fine, i'll go to the damn seminar with you, baby." your eyes lit up in excitement. "thank you."

"how was your finals?" the two of you were eating in some random diner in town. "it was okay, i think i kinda messed up for my last lab report." you sighed. "nah baby, you never failed a class. you're not cody." he joked, making you smile. "cody failed statistics... had to mentor him for 5 months, he's doing great now though." you added. "how about you? how's your thesis going?" you returned the question. "halfway there, i'm doing this for you baby." you shook your head. "you're doing this for yourself." you smiled.

it was true that jey had a boost on his academics, even the professors noticed. right now, he was attending a seminar, with you as one of the speakers. it was about some medical seminar that he didn't really know about. but he was there for you. "bless my old heart. jey uso, in the flesh. what are you doing here?" professor heyman chuckled when he saw jey writing down his name on the admission booth. "hey professor heyman. here for my girl." he pointed at you, who was preparing for the session.

"well, good for you then." months passed and his feelings for you grew stronger. his life turned upside down and he was happy. at certain times, he felt like he didn't deserve you–as the two of you had different backgrounds. the man sat down, waiting for your session to begin. you were on the standing near the podium. the two of you made eye-contact and jey gave you a wink. "good luck, baby." he mouthed. "thank you." you replied.

"hello everyone, good morning. my name is (y/n) (l/n), i'll be representing the medical faculty for today's seminar." he was very proud of you.

the ride back to your dorm wasn't silent at all. his left hand on the steering wheel and his right hand on your thigh. "you staying with me tonight?" you nodded, still reading your book. "words, baby." "yes, head-boy of the bloodline, the main event, the one and only jey uso." you mocked him. you expected him to groan in response, but a chuckle came out of his mouth. "damn, (y/n). i love you so much."

his 'i love you' got into your head. there you were, slightly distracted. "yo, you okay?" you looked up and saw jey's twin, jimmy. "huh?" you muttered. "you look distracted." he shrugged his shoulders. jey was downstairs, waiting for the pizza to arrive. you couldn't really go anywhere because security was already on their duty. so you were stuck in jey's room, which was in front of jimmy's room and right next to roman's.

"yeah, (y/n). what's up?" roman nudged you. the three of you grew closer, due to your 'relationship' with jey. "nothing man, it's just..." you sighed. "jey confessed to me." they were confused. "i think we know he likes you alrea-" "he said 'i love you'." the room became quiet. "that's new. my brother doesn't say 'i love you' to people, (y/n)." jimmy added. "man, this is just new..." roman muttered. "what did you say after that?" jimmy asked, drinking his water.

you didn't say anything. "i don't know, i didn't say anything. it came out of the blue. fuck, i'm too scared to say it back. i'm not used to this." you admitted. "i mean, don't force yourself if you're not ready. i'm sure he'll understand-" "yo, i got the pizza!" your conversation was cut short.

summer came and you were very ecstatic for it. you got a new job and you were going to spend the summer with jey. you were quite relieved to know that the campus guards were on their break, so you could sneak easily to the boys dormitory. you were back in jey's room, trying your best to stay awake. it was only 6 pm and you were very sleepy. he forgot to bring his keys and you were waiting for him to come back from the gym.

jey: [picture attached]

jey: what's good

your eyes widened in surprise as you saw his attached picture. "this man is taking thirst traps..." you muttered.

(y/n): get ur ass here

(y/n): why are u as a man taking thirst traps?????

(y/n): ok no actually keep them coming

jey: lmaooooo

jey: ur wish is my command, princess

jey: on my way back don't fall asleep just yet

"open up." you stood up from his bed, his sweatshirt falling to your knees. "now what did i say about looking cute with my clothes on?" he immediately dropped his duffle bag to hug you. "ew, go shower first." you joked as he couldn't stop kissing your entire face. "are you ready for roman's party?" you shook your head. "i'm literally wearing your sweatshirt and no pants, do i look ready?"

it was roman's birthday party. you took a liking to the college athlete, he was one of those frat boys that wasn't a douchebag. the two of you were finally ready to go. "do you always look this good?" he was standing behind you, hands on your waist. "and are you always this flirty?" he couldn't help but to laugh at your question. "only to you now, babygirl. let's go."

the party was obviously packed, roman was a popular college athlete with a bright future. "yo, uce. happy birthday!" jey hugged him, passing him his birthday present. "happy birthday, uce." you followed jey's gesture. "look, it's my favorite couple. thanks guys, enjoy yourself tonight!" roman gave the two of you red cups filled with whatever alcohol was available on the counter.

"too bad becky and seth are already out of town, miss them already." jey sighed, taking a drag of his cigarette. "yeah, kinda miss getting ready with her." you added. "i think jimmy's asking me to play beer pong with him." jey pointed at his twin, who was waving his entire arms at the two of you. "you wanna come?" you shook your head. "nah, i'm going outside for some fresh air. it's getting cloudy here." he nodded. "you sure? want me to come?" once again, you shook your head. "it's okay, got your guys everywhere. they know what to do if anything happens."

all of the frat boys took an oath to protect the sorority girls at all cost. especially now, since you were seeing their head-boy. even though you were totally capable of protecting yourself, jey had all of his boys to protect you. "dom!" you spotted your best friend, chilling near the pool with his tiny group. "(y/n)!" he greeted you back. "i miss you." you admitted. "you're too occupied with jey to think about me." he rolled his eyes. "hey, it's not like that." you smacked your head.

"anyways, this is austin. people call him theory for no fucking reason, he's from alpha academy, you know? near your new workplace." you nodded in response. your guard was still up to new people. "yeah. hi." you said, with a straight face. "you didn't tell me damage ctrl had pretty girls like her." you immediately furrowed your brows in disgust. "dude, she has a boyfriend." dom added, trying to diffuse the situation. "and where's her boyfriend?"

"he's right here, man. get your own girl." you were startled to hear jey's voice coming from behind you. his arms were around your waist, pushing you closer to him. "alright, damn. was just messing around." he chuckled. "dom, think jimmy needs another beer pong player. go inside." dominik couldn't help but to comply with his head-boy, leaving you behind with theory and jey. "you got any problem here, dude?" jey raised an eyebrow. "n- nah, just trying to have fun." he stuttered. "then move along."

his possessiveness towards you was the first thing you noticed when you started seeing each other. "he didn't say anything right, baby?" you shook your head. "no, it's alright." jey kissed your forehead. "he better pack the fuck up. i run this place." you chuckled at his sentence. "okay then main event jey uso, wanna get shitfaced?"

the night went on and you were already drunk in whatever you took from the party. at this point, you didn't even realize what was going on. "you ready to bounce, baby?" you took the last shot from your cup, head already fuzzy from the alcohol. "i'm gonna climb the walls." you joked. "don't need to, security cleared an hour ago. let's go back."

his dorm was so comfortable, you thought. you didn't know if you were too drunk to realize that you were still standing in front of his room, body paralyzed. "baby, come in! what are you doing?" he dragged you inside, guiding your body to the worn-out couch. "you okay there?" he asked. "i'm fine, just fuzzy." you replied with your eyes closed.

silence filled the room. you weren't tired, the alcohol was keeping you awake. "hi." he greeted you out of the blue. "hi?" you chuckled. "why the fuck are you so pretty?" jey asked, moving his body closer to yours. "i could say the same thing about you." you flirted back. "fuck, you really know how to rile me up, huh?" the man smirked, slowly pushing you down with him on top of you. the situation turned heated as you felt him kissing your neck.

"shit, this is too bright." he complained, practically skipping to dim the lights. you laughed at his antics. "okay, where were we?" he couldn't help but to laugh as well. you pulled his face closer to your, not breaking eye-contact. you felt his lips connecting with yours as his hands roamed under your shirt. slowly, but surely, your hands wandered around his pants, unbuckling his belt. "baby wait, nah... let me get protection." you nodded. "if you pull out your power rangers figures as protection, i will kill you."

"baby, we’re all out.” you couldn’t help but to chuckle. “damn. okay then, no.” he nodded at your answers, pulling back his pants. “thanks for understanding, i’m not on the pill.” “you don’t need to thank me, that’s bare minimum.” your heart fluttered a bit at his answers. goddamn, i’m so fucking in love with him, you thought.

the two of you laid on the couch, still trying to contain your laughters. "you're one of a kind, baby." he brushed your hair with his fingers. "god, if a year ago someone told me i'd be with you. i wouldn't believe it." jey added. "shut up, it's not like i'm the top diva or something." you chuckled, feeling the substance hitting you. "nah, i'm glad you don't have the keys with you that night. imagine if you had them, we'd still be strangers by now." the alcohol inside your veins toned down, you were wide awake.

"i never got to say i love you." you suddenly blurted out. it caught him off-guard. the atmosphere was comfortable enough for the two of you to just stay silent. "i know it's hard for me to express how i feel, because it's all new to me. but i love you." you continued, facing him. "thank you for also being patient with me, baby." jey continued to brush your hair with his fingers. "i'd do anything for you, princess."

"i can't believe you'd settle with someone like me." you confessed. "someone like you? you're all that i want." oh, jey uso was one big sweet-talker. you couldn't help but to blush at his sentence. the room was dark, the only source of light was the stupid fucking lava lamp that you hated. although you couldn't see him perfectly, you knew that he was staring at you. "something wrong with my face?" you asked. "nah, i just like looking at you."

despite all of those rumors about him, jey treated you with all of his heart. "you know," he paused for a second, sitting up from his position. "after we graduate and when we have proper jobs and our lives are settled, let's live together." your eyes widened in surprise. "are you joking?" he immediately turned on the lights. "i'm not joking, princess." the thought of moving in together never crossed your mind.

"or we don't have to if you don't want to." he added, hesitating a bit. "i'd love to." you blurted out. "we have the entire future in front of us, i just thought you wouldn't see me in it." his gaze softened. "baby, how many times do i need to tell you that i love you? you're making me a better person." he lit up his joint, passing it to you.

"here's to the future?" "to the future."

a/n: MODERN ROMANCE IS PASSING JOINTS TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. anyways, hope you enjoyed it because i enjoyed writing this !!

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | iii

Jake still can’t seem to get the girl from the bar off his mind, even after his time in Baltimore was long forgotten to everyone else. He spends his free time getting to know her, realizing quickly that she’s everything he’s dreamed of. She makes fast at showing him that not everyone is interested in him solely for the fame, but he’s still puzzled at how she pushed him to the brink of falling in love with her in only a mere few weeks.

Read part two here

Read part four here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: university exams/exam season (🤢), drinking, smoking (weed & cigarettes), long distance, annoying brotherly activities, fluff, mentions of provocative text messages, not really a whole lot w this one, but sorry if i missed any!

hi! here’s part three :) this is mostly a filler to advance to the main story, but i wanted to throw in some long distance fluffiness because i love hurting my own feelings! lots of dialogue to set the scene/relationship/emotion. as always, enjoy, and please be kind and ignore any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻🫶🏻 also disclaimer I am no longer a science student at university so some of the science-y stuff may not be perfectly accurate, no hate pls

~

An incoming call shook you from your focus, your eyes quickly darting down at your phone to see who it was from. You removed your glasses for a moment, rubbing your eyes to wake yourself up. When you put them back on, you noticed that Jake was the one causing the disturbance. A small smile crossed your lips as you picked your phone up, swiping across the screen to accept the video call. His face appeared after a few seconds, a beaming grin plastered on his cheeks. His hair was damp, likely from him showering after the concert he’d just had. A few hours earlier, he promised he’d call when he got back to the hotel, and it wasn’t like Jake to forget a promise.

“Hello, beautiful.” He said before you had a chance to greet him. You let out a small laugh, clicking the lamp on that was sitting on your computer desk. You placed your phone against the screen of your laptop, propping it up so you didn’t have to hold it.

“Hello, handsome.” You greeted back. “But, I am far from beautiful right about now.” You dismissed him, taking your hair down from its messy bun and putting it back up, neater this time. “I think this paper is going to kill me.” You truly meant it. You were in the midst of writing your final thesis paper for your undergraduate degree. After doing a research credit all year long, the paper proved the most difficult of the whole process.

“I think you’re going to ace it.” He said, taking a seat on the hotel bed. “What’s it on, anyway? You never actually told me.” He was right; you’d been working on it the entire time you’d known him, but never dived into the specifics with him, too afraid of talking his ear off about your year-long journey.

“Um,” you gave a small chuckle, pulling out your draft report. “The study of blood-glucose measurement based on blood resistivity.” You muttered the title before tossing the book of paper back down. His eyes widened a bit, trying to process what you were saying, but he covered it up quickly with a supportive nod.

“I love it when you talk science to me.” He sighed, a note of humour radiating from him. You let out a giggle, happy he’d called to ease the tension between you and your work. “But, you know, could you give me a refresher on what exactly that means?” He asked, leaning back against his headboard. You noticed he was shirtless, feeling a small flutter in your stomach at the sight.

“You mean to tell me you can’t tell me all about a diabetic study based off voltage and curve fitting?” You asked, an incredulous look in your eye. He laughed, giving a shrug.

“I’m a bit rusty.” You admired his features, how beautiful he looked when he was happy. You also noticed he looked tired himself, his eyes drooping slightly.

“I’ve been doing a research credit for my degree. I read a study about something similar way back in high school and it stuck with me, because my father’s side of the family struggles with diabetes. My dad and two of my brothers have Type 1. I decided to take a deeper look into it for my thesis.” You explained. He gave you his full attention, humming an agreement to assure you he was listening. “But basically what I’m doing is experimenting to see if we can measure a persons blood-sugar level in a non-invasive way. I studied pulses with electrodes and compared the voltage to different blood-sugar levels on a curve to see if it’s a suitable way to calculate it.”

“Did it work?” He asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Well, sort of.” You scratched your head, furrowing your eyebrows slightly, trying to find the best way to explain it. “There’s definitely a correlation, and I think if it was studied further, it could genuinely get somewhere. It would be pretty cool if it did. Blood-sugar level tests are extremely troublesome in general. They take time, they’re painful, and super expensive in the long run. I know my family spent thousands of dollars on Will and Sam when they were kids, and we had good insurance. It was really interesting to look at. I’m glad I picked it, but almost seven months of study is a lot to compile into one report.” You chuckled. “It’s required to be 40-60 pages long.”

“I think you’re a genius,” he said as a matter-of-fact “and I know that whatever you put down on that paper is going to be fantastic.” He assured you. You gave him a smile, appreciating his words.

“I can only be so much of a genius with a recycled idea,” you reminded, sitting up in your chair. “But I’m almost done the bulk of the work now, so I can forget about it soon enough.”

“When is it due?” He questioned.

“Friday.” You sighed, looking at your calendar. “Three days to go and I’m officially done.”

“See? That’s not so bad. I’ll read it when you’re finished and tell you how amazing it is. I probably won’t understand any of it, but I do know how to give you a compliment.” He flashed the smile that you’d been missing so much. And he was right, he sure did know how to compliment you. It was his favourite pastime, even when you looked as run down as you did in that moment.

“And I would be more than delighted to share it with you.” You watched him again, more interested in him than you’d ever been in your schoolwork. “Anyway, enough about me. How’d your show go, rockstar?”

“I don’t think I can ever get enough of you,” the cheesy line was accompanied by a goofier grin. You rolled your eyes, both of you knowing you weren’t really annoyed with him. “It was good. The crowds are always amazing. We played really well, but I am tired though.”

“Of course you are; it’s hard work to put on a good show.” You sympathized. You could tell how much he loved what he did, but he was always exhausted when he called you at night, which was a common occurrence. He’d been gone for almost two weeks, now, and if he absolutely could not call you during the day, he texted as much as he could. Communication was never ceased, in turn, never leaving you wondering if he meant everything he’d told you. It only took him the length of the plane ride to use your number after he left, claiming he didn’t stop thinking of you once while he was flying away from you. Now, the end of your semester was quickly approaching, which meant the end of your bachelor studies as well.

The day you’d so conveniently ran into him at the coffee shop had sparked a beautifully blossoming relationship. That evening, both went back to your house, where he’d met your roommates (well, officially, at least) and you all had dinner together. You’d given him the house tour he’d been so eager for, and eventually you went back to his hotel with him. Much to everyone’s disbelief, it was completely PG the whole night, aside from a few kisses. You’d met his brothers, spent some time with them and were lucky enough to get to know them, even if it wasn’t much past the surface level. You and Jake spent the night talking, listening to music and really getting past the superficialities.

Not once did he make an advance, proving to you even further that he meant what he’d told you. You shared a bed with him night, falling asleep wrapped in each others arms with no intent for sex or any other hidden implications. It was something you’d never experienced before. When you woke, you got breakfast together. You went with him to the airport to see him off, and he’d kissed you. That’s where the intimacy ended. Now, you had to see him through a phone screen or a camera, always aching to be held by him again. It was the most peace you’d ever known from another person.

You were still nervous, finding it hard to integrate another person into your daily routine in such a way, but the process was made so much easier because of the type of person he was. He was understanding of your timidity, always kind and gentle, he was quick with his words and they were always sweet, and he was gorgeous. Making Jake a part of your every day life had been easier than anything you’d ever done. Nothing was official; it was mostly just phone calls and texting, even if it was constant. A lot of it was innocent, asking about each others days, or mindless chatter that you would never bother to share with anyone else. No matter what you had to say, he always seemed to want to listen. Occasionally, the flirting would take over. He was usually very respectful, he didn’t like to initiate until he knew you were okay with it, but every now and then, he’d send a risky text or picture first. Nothing too graphic, just enough to let you know he was thinking about you. You’d never admit it, but they were some of your favourite texts to receive. Sometimes you would send one first, particularly when it was a bad time for him, just to be an asshole.

You were still processing the entire situation. You’d never been in a relationship or a ‘situationship’, as some say, without it starting with sex, or at least the intent of only having sex. It was nice, knowing him so well before he knew you so intimately. The emotional intimacy felt way nicer than any physical gratification you could imagine. You felt yourself really falling for Jake, despite being so evasive of the idea when you first met him. You truly felt like he was someone you could love, or he was someone who could love you like you’d always wanted.

“When is your ceremony?” He asked. Your eyes shot up to the screen, breaking out of your thoughts.

“Uh, what, sorry?” You cleared your throat, feeling a bit embarrassed for zoning out.

“Your graduation ceremony?” He asked again, not bothered by having to repeat himself.

“Oh,” you looked at your calendar again, eyes tracking the days. There was a big red circle with the word ‘freedom’ scribbled in it. You chuckled to yourself, remembering when Eve had written it. She was over the moon for you when you submitted your credits for review to graduate. She was taking her degree slow, likely to finish in five years rather than four. Knowing that you would still be there with her while she finished, or that she wouldn’t have to leave you behind when she moved away, made both of you relieved beyond measure. “The 24th.” You clarified.

“I have a show that day.” His voice was sad. You felt a bit of disappointment at his words, but you understood. Besides, you’d only known him for a couple weeks; you couldn’t expect him to drop everything to go to your graduation when he barely knew you.

“That’s okay.” You assured him. “I didn’t expect you to go anyway.” You realized how harsh your words sounded after they came out. A solemn look fell across his features. “No, Jake, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” You rushed out. “I just meant that we’ve only been talking for a few weeks. I would never expect you to drop your whole life to come and see my ceremony.”

“You say that like you’re not important to me.” He said, fidgeting with something behind the screen.

“I know I am, Jake.” You assured him. “And you’re important to me, too. I just know that life is busy. Especially for you, rockstar.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Maybe Eve will be generous enough to do a video call with me.” He suggested. You nodded, thinking that wasn’t a bad idea at all.

“I’ll have to ask her, but I’m sure she would. I think she likes you.” He let out a small laugh.

“Well that’s good, I guess.” His attention was disrupted by a knock on his door. “Hold on,” he mumbled, getting out of the bed. He continued holding the phone, not wanting to miss a moment of time talking to you. You heard his hotel door open, only being able to see his shoulder on the camera.

“Hello, brother.” You heard a voice say. You could recognize it as Josh’s. He’d joined your calls a fair few times over the last few weeks, just the same as Danny and Sam. You were slowly getting to know all of the boys, which was really making you feel like Jake was serious about this whole thing. “Care to partake?” You heard a laugh fall from Jake, warming your heart. You were certain that it had become your favourite sound in the whole world.

“Yeah, but she has to join, too.” Jake informed his brother.

“Oh, is that y/n?” Josh asked, his excitement growing. “Actually, I don’t think I even have to ask.”

“Hi, Josh!” Your voice echoed from the phone. You saw a struggle on the screen, hearing muffled bumps and noises, until eventually Josh’s smiling face popped into view.

“Hey, mama.” You could hear Jake arguing with his brother, trying to get his phone back. Josh seemed to be walking down the hallway, now, away from his twin. You couldn’t help but giggle at the interaction. “You wanna get drunk with us?” He asked. You eyed your laptop screen, internally debating if you should or not.

“You know, you guys are awfully bad influences.” You teased.

“Is that a yes?” You could see Jake approaching in the background of the camera, now. Josh raised his eyebrow at you in anticipation. He was still evading Jake, picking up his speed as he ran away from him.

“Josh, don’t pressure her into it.” Jake scolded. He sounded far away, you could barely make out what he was saying. You were having a hard time holding back your laughs, now. The whole situation was perfectly comedic and seemed to be exactly what you needed to feel better.

“Yeah, I’d love to, Josh.” You agreed. He let out a triumphant noise, halting his movement completely. Jake finally reached him, grabbing his phone back. You finally lost control of your laughter when you saw his grumpy expression appear in the frame. “Hi, honey.” You joked through bouts of giggles, wiping away a tear that had fallen.

“I’m glad you think he’s funny,” Jake tried to sound annoyed, but he was failing miserably, unable to stay upset while seeing you so happy. “Try being around him all of the time.”

“Oh come on, he’s not that bad.” You comforted, catching your breath.

“You have no idea.” He grumbled, making his way back to his hotel room. Josh appeared behind him, holding a liquor bottle in his hand. You stood yourself, throwing a hoodie on over your tank top. Jake watched you silently, admiring you. He thought you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, even when you were doing the most mundane tasks. You grabbed your cigarette pack from the desk and slipped it into the pocket. “Are you sure you want to stay on the phone? I can let you go, I know you have work to do.” The concern was dripping from his words.

“I’m okay, I want to talk to you guys. I wasn’t getting much work done, anyway. I think I just have to take a break, start fresh tomorrow.” You were lying, but only slightly. Your work was not going fantastic, but you were making progress. Still, you’d rather put the last bit of your report off until tomorrow if it meant you got to spend time with Jake, even if it was virtual.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Jake said, a note of warning in his tone.

“She wants to hang out with us, Jake. Don’t convince her to change her mind.” You could practically hear Josh’s eye roll in his statement.

“What, I’m not- you know what? Get out.” Even as he said it, there was a smile on his face and a ghost of a laugh in his voice. You thought it was sweet, how close the two boys were. Twin thing aside, they really were best friends. They knew each other better than anyone else, and they were always functioning on the same wavelength. Even when they were mad at each other, they were never really mad.

Almost nightly you’d see an appearance from Josh in your FaceTimes with Jake. He’d instantly added you on his personal social media’s, wanting to know you just as bad as Jake did, but for a different reason. You remembered back to a few days after they left, how Josh had sent you a message telling you that ‘if Jake talked so highly about you, he had to know you, too’. The instant acceptance was heartwarming. The boys reminded you of your own brothers. You were excited for them all to meet, eventually. They’d talked on the phone a few times, but you couldn’t wait for them to all be together and really know each other.

Just as you were exiting your room, your phone began to vibrate again. A grin pulled at your lips. Your brother Sam was calling, too. “Hold on, guys.” You said, clicking the hold button on your current call and answering the video from your sibling. “Hello, spawn of Satan.” You greeted as soon as the call connected.

“I’m really starting to question if you love me or not.” He shot back. You chuckled.

“Oh, I do love you, brother dearest, but it’s because I have to.” You teased. “Hold on, I’m on the phone with Jake. I’m going to merge it.” You informed him. He gave a nod. You clicked into the other call, pressing the merge button. Within a moment, the screen was shared between Jake and Sam. It took Jake a moment to realize what happened, but when he did, his eyes lit up.

“It’s other Sam!” He said. Your brother cracked a smile, probably larger than any one he’d ever given you.

“What’s up, rockstar?” Sam asked. Josh peeked his head into view, not wanting to miss out on any of the conversation. “Twin rockstars!” Jake and Josh got a chuckle out of it. You’d instantly told Sam about Jake, calling him right after you got home from the airport. Sam, being a nosy little shit, did a deep dive of him on all social media’s. Within a few days, all of your brothers knew about him, and were begging you to let them meet him. So, you thought you’d ease the transition by allowing them on a few of your calls with him. Sam had taken to him immediately, especially upon learning he also had a brother named Sam. According to him, it was fate that you and Jake ended up together. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he wanted to date Jake, too.

“Glad I’m so easily forgettable.” You rolled your eyes, making your way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Ally was sitting at the table with a bowl of soup and her laptop in front of her. She looked like she’d been crying, staring down her final assignment with a look of disdain on her face. Exam season always put a damper on the household mood. You walked over and gave her a supportive shoulder pat, knowing you were close to the same mental state. Sam found himself chatting away with the other two boys, completely ignoring your comment, which only proved your point further. “M’going outside, if you wanna join.” You told her. She shook her head, barely being able to formulate words.

“I have to finish this.” She groaned, relaxing into her chair. “Due tomorrow.”

“Stuck?” You asked, peering down at her screen. She nodded. You gazed at the question that was left answerless, the last one on the page. “Is this Calc III?” She gave a nod. “Okay, where’s your work for it so far?” She pointed out a paragraph.

“I just can’t seem to get the numbers to work out.” She let out a long sigh, throwing her pencil down on the table. You looked over it for a minute, studying the numbers she was using.

“Okay, it’s a relation between a flux and a line integral, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” You turned the volume down on your phone a bit, not wanting to distract her while the boys talked.

“You remember the unit where you talked about the three main integral theorems?” She gave a hum, seeming to get what you’re saying. “One of those has an equation that will solve this question. And you’ll need to remember it for the exam, too, because there’s a couple questions about it.” You told her. She looked like she was wracking her brain for an answer, desperate to remember what you were talking about. After a moment, it seemed to click.

“Stoke’s theorem!” She exploded, catching the attention of all of the boys on the phone call. She noticed the lack of noise, a blush rising to her cheeks. You held up your hand for a high-five, helping her forget about her outburst. “Thank you.” She whispered.

“No problem,” you assured her “now, if you want to join, I will be outside getting fucked up. I am trying to forget about my thesis.” She let out a small laugh.

“How many pages?” She asked.

“I am on page 51, if you must know. Nearly there!” You cheered yourself on. “I should be able to finish it tomorrow.” You went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of wine and a container of cut up fruit someone had bought at the grocery store.

“I believe in you.” She said, turning back to her laptop. “I might be out in a bit. I haven’t seen Eve all day. Not sure if she’s alive or not, so I’ll have to check on her first.” You saw Sam perk up at the mention of Eve’s name. He probably hadn’t heard from her, either. She was fully immersed in studying, more so than anyone else. She took her exams extremely serious. With a smaller course load, she wanted to ensure her marks were as best as they could be. You were proud of her for it. She worked really hard, but you did miss her presence during exam weeks.

“Saw her this morning drinking orange juice from the bottle, haven’t seen her since.” You informed her. The two of you shared a laugh. “She’s alive, just in hermit mode.”

You parted ways, opening the front door after putting on a pair of slippers. You moved over to the patio chairs placed around a table on the porch. It was a closed porch with large glass windows and another door leading to the street. You thought it was peaceful, finding it your favourite spot in the whole house. You sat down, resting your feet on the table. You pulled out a joint and a cigarette from the cardboard box in your pocket. “What did I miss?” You asked them, now focusing on your screen again.

“We were actually just talking about how much we hate you,” Sam said, a hint of fake sympathy accompanying his words.

“Mmhmm,” you mumbled, joint now between your lips and your lighter setting the tip ablaze. You took a large inhale, the cherry glowing red in the dim lighting. A billow of smoke flowed from your mouth as you exhaled. Almost instantly, you felt the tension melt off your shoulders. Josh seemed positively buzzed, his cheeks burning red and his smile never leaving. Sam looked as though he was ready for bed, eyes heavy and bloodshot. You were sure he’d been high for hours. Jake was sipping a drink silently, but his eyes never seemed to move from the camera.

“Alex and I are flying in Friday morning.” Sam said. Your eyes lit up, a course of adrenaline flowing through your veins.

“Really?” He gave a nod.

“Yeah, we decided to come early, spend some with with you before mom and dad got there. I think our flight leaves here at five.” He explained. “So you better have all of your shit done, because we want to party.” He warned.

“It will be, don’t worry.” You promised. “I think I’ll have my report done by tomorrow. I just have to type the conclusion and my entire novel of sources.” You chuckled to yourself, looking down at the joint between your fingers. “I’ll get Ally to proofread it; she said she would a few days ago. After that, I’m a free woman.” You announced, feeling proud of yourself for getting this far.

After that, the chatter died down. Sam eventually hung up, telling everyone he was tired and wanted to go to bed. You bid your goodbye, already feeling the anticipation begin for his arrival. You and the twins continued on with mindless conversation, sipping away at your drinks. When you cigarette pack was down to the last three, and the bottle of wine was threatening the end, Josh was ready to retire for the night, too. He was dozing off in Jake’s bed every so often, a small snore falling from his mouth periodically. You were caught up in Jake, not caring that the rest of the company had dwindled down. He was exhausted but still immersed in your conversations about nothing, and everything.

It wasn’t too long before Josh stumbled away to his own hotel room. He gave a solemn goodnight, telling you that he wished you were there with them, before he toddled away. Your cheeks were warm in the cool night air, the liquor and weed weighing heavily on you, but not any more than your tiredness.

When Jake settled into bed under the covers, as much as sleep wanted to become him, he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes. “Are you going to bed, beautiful?” He mumbled. You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. He was barely formulating the words, head buried so deep in the pillow you could hardly see him anymore.

“I think you probably should.” You told him, concern becoming you. “We can talk tomorrow, rockstar.”

“Don’t want to,” he mumbled “just want you here with me.” Your heart ached, hating to admit to yourself that you felt the same way.

“I know, I do too.” You finally mustered out. As much as you enjoyed talking with Jake, and as aware as you were about your feelings for him, the opening up part was proving quite difficult. You had no problem with the flirting, or the endless conversations, or even the sex talk, but telling him how you truly felt was troublesome. You weren’t sure if it was because you were scared of rejection, or because you were just scared of falling in love with him. “I miss you.” You whispered.

“I miss you too, beautiful.” He seemed more alert now, energized by the fact you’d made that proclamation first, this time.

“When can I see you again?” You picked at some frayed strings on your pants, avoiding looking at him.

“Soon, I promise. Once you finish school, I’ll take you around the world with me.” His smile brought your attention back to him. You found it impossible to look anywhere else. Your chest burned at his statement, wondering if he was being truthful or not.

“You mean it?”

“Never meant anything more in my life.” He assured you. “I hate sleeping alone, now, ‘cause I know what it’s like to sleep next to you.” You stood to go back inside, butting out your last cigarette of the night before entering through the front door and locking it behind you. You didn’t answer him until you were in your bedroom with the door closed.

“Don’t make promises you don’t mean, rockstar.” You took off your sweater and your pants, climbing into bed. The alcohol was buzzing through your veins, making your head feel a bit fuzzy. You were more than ready for bed.

“I’ve never told you anything I didn’t mean, baby.” The pet name rolled off his tongue so effortlessly, like he was meant to call you that all along, but it hit you with such an impact that you were sure it had stopped your heart for a moment. He’d called you plenty of other names, more in a compliment context, but such a domestic title was something very new. He didn’t even notice the effect it had on you; he was laying there with his eyes closed, phone only showing half of his face in the frame. When you didn’t answer, he opened one of his eyes to see what was going on. “I’m sorry, did that bother you? I wasn’t thinking,” he rushed out.

“No, Jake. It’s okay.” You reassured him. “I liked it.” A small smile creeped onto his face. You couldn’t help but return it. “I think I’m falling for you, rockstar.” You breathed after a moment too long.

“I already have, witchy woman.” His eyes were open again, watching the blush spread across your cheeks. That was the best way he could say it, because he was afraid he’d already fallen in love with you. He was glad he could at least tell you a sliver of what he was feeling for you. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Soon,” you said, curling up into your blankets.

“Can we stay on the phone tonight?” He asked. “I don’t want to hang up.”

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” You turned over, plugging your phone into the charger. You set your phone on your nightstand, propped up against a book so he could see you. He shuffled around, doing the same thing. This wasn’t the first time you’d fallen asleep with him on the phone. You hadn’t done it in a few days, though. It was nice. When the days permitted, sometimes you even got to wake up to him before he had to go. He usually waited as long as he could before hanging up so he could at least try to say good morning. If you were awake first, you did the same. You really enjoyed the little routines you two had been building together.

You both settled into your beds, rustling in the pillows and blankets to find the comfiest position. You watched your phone, wanting to soak in every second of seeing his face. “Goodnight, beautiful.” He mumbled, sleep calling to him. “Sleep well, I’ll see you in the morning.” He said it as if it were a promise.

“Goodnight, rockstar.” You whispered. His eyes fluttered closed as he bit his tongue, holding back any other words. The ‘L’ word was always so dangerously close to slipping out of his mouth. He felt so stupid, wanting to say ‘I love you’, when he’d only known you for a few weeks, but he felt like he really did. He’d never met anyone else who made him feel like you did, and it started from the minute he saw you.

Before you closed your own eyes, they drifted to the wall behind your computer desk. The record sleeve of one of Jake’s albums stood so beautifully prominent, his signature illuminated by your desk lamp. Your gaze lingered over the sharpie marks, stomach fluttering at the memory of him writing it. You fell asleep with a smile, already excited to wake up to him in the morning.

~

Tag list: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice

[plusultraetc]

hii three questions in one ask for fun. who r ur favorite charas, what r ur fav arcs and what r ur fav subplots in mha :}} big fan of the todofam sideplot and the endeavor agency arc… bkdk third wheeling family drama. hilarious… 😁😁

genuinely HOW could you do this to me, I am so indecisive and I have so many favorite things </3 Also get ready for the sheer volume of words I am about to throw at you :D

SO, favorite characters. Obv there are So Many Characters in this show, but I still feel like I can count the ones I don't like on one hand and have fingers left over. I definitely have some obvious favorites (Aizawa, Mic, Shinsou) and some only-slightly-less obvious ones (Shigaraki, All Might, Hawks), but there are also some faves I don't yap about as much like Kirishima, Jirou, Miruko, and VLAD KING the LOVE of my LIFE. I queued a post recently about Inasa being an underrated fave, which is still true, but Vlad King is truly the king (haHA) of underrated faves. I love that man a ridiculous amount. THE TL;DR HERE IS THAT I LOVE 98% OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS SHOW SM IT'S UNREAL.

Arcs & subplots under the keep reading bc my main personality trait (never shutting up) struck again ! The short answer is Sports Festival & Todorokis, Shinsou, Rooftop gang for anyone who doesn't want to stare at that wall of text 😭

Favorite arcs: I have almost as many favorite arcs as I do favorite characters LMAO. You are SO RIGHT about the Endeavor Agency arc; usually people are forced to witness Midoriya & Bakugou's drama but oh, how the tables have turned. I also love Fuyumi and Natsuo and am always delighted to see them, even if they <3 punching me directly in the feelings :(

The USJ arc is, imo, a perfectly executed plot point, so from a writing perspective I really love USJ. It's got action, it's got character spotlights, but most importantly, it ties together the plot/character/worldbuilding threads of the first season so perfectly. Like. It's seamless. It was a writing school level moment. No notes.

The Hideout Raid arc (specifically All Might vs AFO) and Paranormal Liberation War gave me grays at 25. Joint Training is always a delight. But if I had to pick One Arc to Rule Them All it might honestly be Sports Festival?? It features all of my top three favorite characters for more than one (1) scene each and it is just. Such a wild time.

There is so much to unpack about this arc but it has a very special place in my heart bc the first time I ever watched it (so, like, 5+ years ago) my sister and I for some reason decided to treat it like people who care about the Super Bowl treat the Super Bowl. It was our Olympics except the team we were rooting for changed depending on the episode. To this day I remember my sister turning on a DIME from hating Bakugou since Season 1 Episode 1 to CHAMPIONING him with her whole chest bc Monoma pissed her off so much when he stole Bakugou's headbands. And now he's like her second favorite character in the entire series so?? Origin story moment ig.

Last but not least, favorite subplots!!

TODOROKIS. YEAH. Their entire plotline was one of the major factors that motivated me to catch up on the show. I was like what do you mean they're trying to give superhero Fire Lord Ozai a redemption arc? What do you mean that other fire guy was actually a Todoroki? Like... you have to remember that where I left off w this show, Endeavor seemed to exist solely to give Shouto a backstory, and honestly I remembered like nothing about Dabi. If getting back into MHA was a pit of quicksand the Todorokis truly walked me right up to the edge of it. It was like that part of TAZ where Taako is like 'okay that's weird enough that I'm gonna go in there.'

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Shinsou's off-screen character arc is EVERYTHING to me. I could write a thesis on this side character who appears like. Three times in the entire show. Shinsou really said 'I will be a mirror character AND undo the First Great Contradiction of this series AND have tangible, believable character growth, all while being given less screen time than Mineta' and I love that for him.

The rooftop gang... I'm not going to say much on this one for manga reasons but it's definitely a subplot I find very compelling. I'm still ruminating on its execution so far but I Did Cry over the Reveal in season 5. It re-contextualized so much, not just about Aizawa and Mic, but about UA and the lives of hero students. Ack.

TYSM FOR THIS ASK, this week has been three weeks long but I had so much fun writing this exhausted ramble <3

[thebramblewood]

In which we discover Ulrike's puzzling new obsession.

Previous / Next

Transcript under the cut.

Helena: “Faaaaaust?!? Oh, there you are. You will not believe the day I’ve- Ulrike… What in the fresh gnome hell am I looking at here?”

Ulrike: “Oh, yeah! I stumbled upon this little guy today and couldn’t resist adding him to the collection. Isn’t he adorable? What should we name him?”

Helena: “He’s… naked.”

Ulrike: “Sharp observation, Zhao.”

Helena: “Tell me the truth, Faust. Am I going to have to stage a gnome intervention?”

Ulrike: “Well, you know I’ve been struggling with just a touch of artistic block lately.”

Helena: “I’ve noticed, yes.”

Ulrike: “I’m stressed about my thesis. Nothing I do seems interesting or innovative or even good anymore. Plus, I signed up for that stupid hipster gallery opening when I don’t even have a piece ready to show!”

Helena: [settles in for a long talk] “I’m still waiting to hear where the gnomes come in. Is this your cry for help, compulsively purchasing bizarre lawn ornaments? Should I actually be concerned?”

Ulrike: “No! I mean, yeah, at first it was a weirdly comforting distraction. But I think I’m a secret genius, Zhao, because these guys could be the key to everything!”

Helena: “You think these inanimate objects are going to, what, show you the meaning of life?”

Ulrike: “Of course not! But they are going to make me the star of that postmodernist jerk-off contest.”

Helena: “And let me guess. That maddeningly cryptic explanation is all I’m going to get.”

Ulrike: “A lady never reveals her cards too early. I have to be certain it’s going to work first. Anyway, I want to hear all about your terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

Helena: “Maybe I was being a little overdramatic. But I got caught in a downpour again because it literally never stops raining here. I spent the entire day feeling and probably smelling like a wet dog. Then this asshole in workshop took an unprompted shit all over my short story.”

Ulrike: “Yep, classic asshole move.”

Helena: “I remember hearing something about ‘feminist drivel.’ Then I think my soul left my body and I sort of blacked out.”

Ulrike: “Fucking misogynist swine. Do you want me to kill him for you?”

Helena: “Yeah, you and what army?”

Ulrike: [crushes Helena’s ribcage] “Me and my army of gnomes, obviously.”

Helena: [struggling for breath] “I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

[sweetvixen1996]

Mafia Boys & Gifts As Manipulation

Okay so I need somewhere else to exorcise my Kinnporsche brain rot, and I guess that’s you fine people. So I submit my thesis of this post: 

In episode 7, we see Vegas, Kinn, & Kim all give a gift as a way to manipulate the recipient. 

One of the writers (who are trash people) are very smart to do is to echo certain beats with characters through their action to hammer a point home. A good example is Kinn kissing a drunk Porsche at the end of E3 and then sleeping with a drugged Porsche at the end of E4 -both acts of physical... attraction performed while Porsche is unable to fully consent but the latter having far more serious consequences. 

The manipulative gift giving in E7 really hammers home that Vegas, Kinn, & Kim really are FAR MORE ALIKE than any of them would like to think. But its all about lenses. 

So lets look at it:

Vegas:

Let's start with the most obvious example, shall we? 

Vegas spends this entire episode pseudo-courting Porsche. Both to mess with Kinn, and to get a competent man in the Minor Family’s control (likely under his father’s orders), Vegas is going to use what he knows of Porsche to win him over. Including this gorgeous bike. Vegas explicitly frames Porsche getting the bike as a reward for a job goes well. That, by its very nature, makes it not truly a gift. Instead its payment, a carrot dangled above Porsche's head. Also, on top of Vegas just knowing that Porsche likes motorcycles, I think this serves as a reminder of their little motorcycle ride date back from E5 when Vegas was around to (seemingly) provide comfort when Kinn was not. Basically, Vegas is saying, “Look what I can give you, look at how much fun we can have together, and look at how well I know you but you just got to do this one thing for me and you can have all of it.”

For the record, I do think Vegas genuinely likes Porsche, and is probably physically attracted to him. Everything he does in this episode and beyond is absolutely a power play, with Porsche just being another piece on the chess board in the game of domination Vegas is constantly trying to play with Kinn, but, unlike his thin veiled contempt for Tawan, Vegas seems to truly enjoy spending time around Porsche. I always think back to that hug they shared and how Vegas just sort of melted into it. It’s hard to fake that sort of react. 

Maybe in a different life, they could have been actual friends.

In hindsight, I do wonder how much about the bodyguards all being happy and Vegas caring about them is a show and how much of it is real. Vegas definitely wants to frame life at the Minor Family as a better alternative to serving the Major Family, but we also know that Vegas is not incapable of caring about the people around him. In fact, he’s something he desperately wants to be good at. 

On a side note, we also get the case of Vegas giving the pork skewer to Pete. It's a small thing, and probably also manipulation, but with how important food becomes in their relationship, I think it's worth noting.

Kinn:

I almost hesitate to call this manipulation, because this moment is really just so sweet. So instead I'll discuss how Vegas uses the bike as a reward while Kinn uses his favorite gun as an excuse. For these two knuckleheads, E7 is a transitional period. E6 had them admitting for their attraction and affection for each other, and the Side Story had them cementing that what they had in the woods isn't going away, but E7 here is them trying to figure out what this new dynamic means and how it can exist back in the “real world.”

Kinn is not ready to say “I love you” verbally to Porsche yet. He cannot fully put his trust in Porsche just yet. After everything with Taiwan, and just well his entire life, all the jealousy and insecurity and possessiveness is coming out in full force. Not to mention, Kinn is stuck at home recovering from his injuries, likely making him feel useless. Plus, he has to at least have a suspicion that Vegas was the one who drugged and took Porsche back in E4 -on top of actively plotting to take Porsche away now.

Yet Kinn also knows he needs to be careful. Even if he can't say those things, he knows he at least needs to give something up or risk Porsche pulling away. Specifically, pulling towards Vegas. So he gives Porsche’ his gun, the one Kinn always keeps on him. It's Kinn’s way of saying, “even if I can't be with you in person, this gun is my way of being with you in spirit.”

Then he tells Porsche that Porsche has to come back so he can return Kinn’s gun. Now this is a fun little gray area, because Kinn IS able to say Porsche needs to come back to him -not why, mind you, he’s not their yet. But Kinn is trying his best. Unlike Vegas, who views Porsche as part of a game, Ken sees Porsche as the prize at the end of the game. The only thing that matters. The thing Kinn wants to get above all, no matter what he has to sacrifice.

I love this whole interaction because it just runs the gauntlet of emotions. It's sweet, it's sappy, it's funny, it's flirty, and it's a little tense. Overall, it's a good example of both Kinn’s own emotional limitations, and Kinn trying his damnedest to show how he feels since he's not great at putting things into words. And if that involves a little manipulation, well there are probably worse things in the world.

Also I think it is really funny that this entire scene and the situation with the gun is very reminiscent of the concept of the Lady’s Favor. That being where noble women would give Knights a personal token, usually a handkerchief or a ribbon, when they went off to do something dangerous as both a token of their affections and to make the Knight promise to come back. The promise, of course being so that the Knight would stay safe, and so the Knight would have an excuse to visit their Lady again.

Kim:

The Kimchay relationship is interesting because it somehow manages to be both the most wholesome while also being the most duplicitous. One of the things that makes all three of the major couples in this series interesting (or controversial, depending on who you ask) is that there is a very clear uneven power dynamic. Kinn is Porsche’s boss and a mafia leader, and Vegas literally has Pete chained up in his house -you can't get much more even than that. And yet, both of them are in a situation in which the power dynamic difference is obvious. That's not the case with Kimchay. While it's true that there is the obvious unbalance of the Idol/Fan dynamic, and the age gap being jussssst wide enough that Kim and Chay are at different points in their developmental adult life, the real power dynamic difference comes from the fact that this entire relationship is built flat on a lie. It is a lie that Kim himself eventually comes to love and wish was true, but not one that could have ever been sustained.

There are a lot of really great metas out there about how Kim is actually the most dangerous of his brothers, and is far more willing to coldly manipulate and act for his goal, and you see a lot of that these early interactions with Chay. 

At this point, I think it's safe to say that while Kim may think Chay is cute and sweet, and is charmed by him despite himself, Chay is still just a means to the end within his investigation. He's also completely aware a Chay’s infatuation with him and is using that to get through the door of Chay’s life and house -quite literally.

If the motorcycle was a reward from Vegas, and the gun was an excuse from Kinn, I'd say that Kim is using the guitar as almost a form of payment. A way of further buying Chay's trust and good nature. He may have even specifically brought it as a way to override Chay questioning why Kim knew where he lived. 

And yet it's also important to point out that this episode is a turning point in their relationship, just like it is for KinnPorsche. Before this, Chay was a tool, if a very charming one. Kim doesn't even really have the patience with him to wait for Chay to finish talking and expressing his doubt about accepting the guitar before asking to use the bathroom. Not to mention further taking advantage of Chay’s feelings for him in order to get Chay out of the house so Kim could investigate the Mysterious Locked Room.

But then Kim finds the Idol Wall, and everything changes. I am 100% convinced that is the moment where Kim not only knows that Chay has nothing to do with any potential mafia dirty business, but also when Kim starts feeling some guilt over his manipulation of Chay. Both of which should make him immediately back off, and we see in the next episode that that is sort of what he does, but his initial response is instead to engage further -even outright flirting with the implicit promise of further contact with the two,  even though it actually doesn't have any merit at this point. 

Basically, this is when Chay starts to become REAL to Kim.

[zhouxiangs]

You asked for insane meta about Way so brace yourself! This thesis is going to be a full-throated defence of the world’s most problematic loser (defence of his character, not his actions mind you). TBH I can’t believe I’m going to write an essay about a show which is at best nonsensical and at worst built around a premise I find both cringeworthy and inherently offensive, but what can I say – I’m a sucker for well-acted foils with sad eyes and complex characterisation!

In the aftermath of ep 9, I’ve become increasingly frustrated at the number of takes which firmly centre the assault (and the mind-influencing) in terms of Way’s supposed feelings of possession/jealously/entitlement towards Babe, without taking into consideration his identity as a victim of lifelong grooming and abuse, as well as the particulars of their specific situation. Before I go any further, I just want to issue a disclaimer (cos I know ppl will come for me) that a) I’ve not read the book and quite frankly would not go near it with a ten foot pole, so everything that follows is based on show canon alone (and anything in the book which might contradict me is therefore irrelevant!), and b) trying to contextualise someone’s behaviour is in no way the same thing as trying to apologise for or justify it – it’s about attempting to understand why someone felt compelled to act the way they did, which yes in real life is virtually always because of toxic masculinity/misogyny/male entitlement, but we all know this show is (thankfully) not based in the real world!

Unlike with other characters, we haven’t seen flashbacks of Way’s time at Tony’s so we don’t know as much about his experience. But there are some observations which seem fairly obvious and others which are reasonable inferences: we know he lived on the streets (so in all likelihood didn’t come from a loving, stable family environment), we know he takes anti-anxiety medication, we know he’s terrified of Tony, who has emotionally and physically abused him (just look at his entire demeanour in that one scene – no way that’s the first time Tony’s laid hands on him), and that everything he has (including the clothes on his back) actually belongs to Tony, who wouldn’t hesitate to take it all away in the blink of an eye. We know he was groomed to (ugh) impregnate Babe, and we know his power is very strong (and yet he’s presumably never used it to escape Tony which is further evidence of the effect of the grooming/abuse). It’s also likely that, until he met Babe, he hadn’t known much in the way of physical affection, not just because of the horrible environment he grew up in, but because it seems likely that anyone aware of his powers would be wary about getting too close (literally).

So bearing all that in mind, we have this messed up, emotionally stunted, not quite an adult who is sent out into the world with one purpose: to knock up Babe. And then he meets this person, who looks like Pavel, and whose ignorance means he thinks nothing of slinging an arm around Way’s shoulder, of hugging him, touching him – of course he falls in love! But he’s on a mission, remember. And if he fails, he can expect more denigration, more violence. So he thinks to himself, it’s fine – maybe he’ll fall for me too and then we can have beautiful little babies and Tony will be satisfied and leave us alone and everyone will live happily ever after (apart from the aforementioned beautiful little babies who will be trafficked but hey, you can’t have everything!). So time passes, and Babe is flirty but nothing more, and all the while Tony is there in the background, threatening, manipulating. And as the years go by, Way becomes more and more anxious, more and more desperate (ten years! Ten years he's been living this terrible double life!), because he knows that if he fails it will mean nothing but pain, not just for him but for Babe as well – better he gets Babe to love him back than having to let Tony do it his way.

And so let’s put the mind-screwing of Babe into that context: as I said, Way’s power is supposedly very strong, and yet (up until the last ep) when we’ve seen him use it on Babe it’s usually been more of a subtle influencing than an outright compulsion, and even then it’s one that apparently wears off almost the second Babe leaves his side! Way: ‘Oh Babe, you should totally dump Charlie, no good will come of it.’ Babe: ‘Totally, yes, you’re absolutely spot-on – I’ll get right on it!’ [Five minutes later, after Charlie has googly-eyed his way back into Babe’s orbit] ‘Eh, all is forgotten – let’s fuck!’ So forgive me for finding it hard to believe that Babe’s commitment issues have all these years been single-handedly engineered by Way. Do we really think Babe escaped Tony without any baggage, any trust issues of his own?? That he was totally open to and ready for unconditional love and a healthy relationship if only evil Way hadn’t interfered?? And have we forgotten the part where Way said ‘haven’t YOU always told ME not to tie my life to anyone else?’ (emphasis mine)? When Way says there’s no-one else who’s truly loved them, do we honestly think that’s manipulation and not just something he genuinely believes himself?? This is not a well-adjusted man, people!

But even if we disregard all that, remember the context! If Babe finds love elsewhere, what do you (or more importantly, what does Way) think Tony will do? Shrug and let Babe skip off into the sunset hand in hand with his new beau? If you put his isolating of Babe into that context then imo it looks very different – it’s not a jealous creep ensuring his target stays by his side, but a scared, conflicted pawn trying to buy them more time, stave off the awful inevitable. I might not agree with him, but I do think in Way’s eyes he’s PROTECTING Babe. Like I said earlier, Tony is still controlling everything; he’s ALLOWING Way this semblance of freedom, of doing it on his own terms, but only on the condition that Way fulfils his end of the bargain, and if he can’t, well Tony will just get it done himself, and you can guarantee it won’t be pretty. (Now I’m not saying Way’s feelings for Babe don’t also play a part, but hey guess what, humans are complex, multi-faceted beings who sometimes are not even aware themselves of their own motivations!)

Nowhere is that more obvious than in the assault scene itself. This isn’t a guy just trying to get laid, get what’s ‘rightfully his’ - this is someone falling apart, someone driven by desperation, who sincerely believes this abhorrent act is the best – the only – way forward (again, before the pitchforks appear: not saying that excuses/justifies his action – nothing does). Notice that after Babe revives, Way doesn’t try and compel him again, even though there’s ample physical contact tween them – he’s only interested in trying to make Babe understand. And notice he hasn’t tried to compel Babe in this way before – it’s only after his true identity has been revealed and he knows there’s no going back that he falls back on this despairing, horrific last resort. (And there's one thing I’m really curious about - Way’s just found out that Tony lied about him being the only enigma left, that Pete’s one too, and that Pete (who is evidently powerful himself) wants to take Tony down. So consider this: had Way’s secret not been revealed, do we think this revelation would have been the tipping point that let him envision another way out? One in which he doesn’t have to (further) betray Babe, but instead helps him defeat Tony and opens up the possibility of a future where they’re all truly free to choose their own destiny? Regardless of his feelings for Babe, you can’t tell me he seriously wanted things to go down the way they did.)

Okay, the end is now in sight, but just in case I haven’t pissed people off enough, here’s the part where I lay into Babe! Not about the assault, obviously. Would hope it doesn’t need to be said that he is in no way whatsoever responsible for that. No, my issue with Babe is the glaring discrepancy tween his words and actions when it comes to his friendship with Way. Time and time again he says that Way’s his closest, bestest friend, the only one he trusts, yada yada. And yet his actions never back that up. From what we see of their relationship, this unwavering loyalty and intimacy only seems goes one way – Way worships Babe, knows everything about him, and Babe is content to sit back and soak up all that adulation. It’s why he never addresses Way’s feelings for him - he doesn’t want to jeopardise their set-up. Yes, obviously it’s in Way’s own interest not to share with/confide in Babe because of what he’s hiding, but at no point do we see Babe actually express any real interest in Way as an individual, in his (lack of) ambition, his (lack of) relationships. E.g. in the conversation where Babe makes a comment about Way’s boy getting jealous and Way laughs it off saying he doesn’t have anyone and Babe knows that – Babe’s not actually concerned, he’s not actually interested, he’s not really even thinking about Way as he says it - he probably doesn’t even hear Way’s response! He’s preoccupied by his own relationship woes. Think about it, Way is only really able to maintain his secret identity because Babe is, to be blunt, not at all interested in his life! Let’s face it, nobody on this show is exactly great at stealth so there's no way Way (hah) would've been able to keep it up for ten years if Babe had ever actually tried to learn more about him. He doesn’t know Way takes anti-anxiety meds, he doesn’t wonder about Way’s lack of friends or lovers or family, he asks once about Way being content losing to him then accepts his answer and never thinks about it again. I genuinely think Way more or less stops existing to Babe the second he leaves his sight (unless they’re fighting but that’s only because it’s an inconvenience!). Sorry to say it, but Babe is just self-centred! I mean, look at the way his professionalism took a flying jump when Charlie entered the picture - he didn’t think about Dean, he didn’t think about how his blatant favouritism would affect the team dynamic or performance (yeah Way was totally right about that!) – he just thought about himself. He drops Way, his supposed closest, bestest friend, like a hot potato the second Charlie shows up, he cries on his shoulder when they break-up and then stands him up the second a reconciliation is in sight. And he never really apologises for anything – he just bats his eyelashes, gets a bit handsy, and wheedles his way back into Way’s good books because he knows he can. Because he knows Way can’t say no to him, can’t stay mad at him. Ignoring the unrequited love, the mind wipes, and the general batshit insanity of the plot for a second: Babe is just a shitty friend, there's no two ways about it!

TBC... (1/2)

LISTEN there's no real way to measure how good/bad something is, the only thing that actually matters is if you enjoy the thing or not; i've watched and am watching objectively better shows that don't mean a tenth of what this one means to me, so listen to your heart, anon. also here, take this. you deserve it:

that being said! thank you so much for putting this so eloquently because honestly pretty much SAME, and i could never lmao but i'm going to try to reply to this slowly so i can hopefully make sense of my thoughts/put them in order a bit. apologies in advance bc this will take me A While. (i really mean it when i say thank you so so much for this, i gasped when i saw the beginning of the ask and then the (1/2) at the bottom???? ANYWAY PEOPLE IF YOU'RE READING THIS 👆 which you totally should, because it's wonderful, enjoy! it will be very worth your time.)

psa: just like anon i am basing all my readings and theories solely on my observations of the show, since i haven't read the novel and i am considering it its own story separate from this anyway. please do not take this as any kind of invitation for novel spoilers. thank you. i will read it eventually. unless i lose interest before that happens, in which case i won't.

another psa i guess re: contextualisation of a character's behaviour and actions =/= justifying or excusing them. absolutely! i do not defend way's actions although i do defend way as a character; i would love to pry him open like an old clock and learn how those pretty gears of his make him work, for what is worth. but also we're talking about a fictional character and his fictional actions, please don't forget that. (not directed specifically at anon) (yeah fiction does have an impact in the real world but we should be engaging with it as discerning adults, so. yk.)

also one last thing (truly) before i get to the actual reply, because this will be relevant later so i'd rather make a blanket statement now: as the audience we're drawing our interpretations on things that may very well be a product of different acting abilities, storytelling, a weird script, etc. more than deliberate narrative or interpretative choices. sometimes roses don't mean a thing! such is life, but whatever the reason all this is still in the final piece, so we're pretending they do.

ok, let's go.

yeahh you can really tell how different people's readings of characters/situations are just from this, i've been reading some truly (to me) wild things especially since last ep aired. by which i mean that i simply don’t see how anyone gets to that reading. and of course that's normal, ymmv, and none of us might be correct at all; tbf we could even argue that there isn’t a correct way to interpret anything. after all everyone perceives life through the lens of their lived experiences etc. so let’s have fun with the meta. but back to way: even ignoring the fact that my understanding of his character and motivations seems to be completely different to some people's, i'd say generally i'm just more interested in understanding the why and the how more than caring about any kind of morals. this doesn't mean i don't dislike characters, only that it’s mostly just because (as an example: i don't like top from dff not because of what we saw in the last ep, but because he annoys me so much. on the other hand i like fluke, because he is. certainly something. still want him to die though.) it doesn't have to be related to how i’d see them as a person, if that explains it better; i’m not saying they’re fictional and therefore we shouldn’t care that much either or i wouldn’t be on tumblr in the first place. also i am currently writing about my blorbo so that would make me a liar lol i guess what i wanted to say with all this is that even if i agreed with those interpretations, that wouldn't necessarily make me not like way because this just doesn’t factor into me liking or disliking a character. also i don’t judge people and characters them the same way, and i don’t choose to like or dislike a character/piece of media independently of how objectively or morally good or not it is. i enjoy seeing how characters work and what they do, i just don’t assign any moral value to what they do idk. also it’s the blorbo that chooses the tumblr user, not the other way around. tangent over, hopefully lol

that’s something i absolutely need: way backstory. please. tbh i’m not sure how literally we should take the thing about being homeless (did he literally live in the streets or did tony mean that he didn’t have anything/a family and he would be completely alone without him?) but for the sake of drama i’m rolling with it. there’s a more obvious reason tony takes them in as kids other than they’re more easily manipulable, which is their malleability. if there’s something everyone knows about abusers is how much easier it is for them to control their victim(s) by isolating them from their families and loved ones, and the kids mostly arrived to tony already like that. they are completely at his mercy, and either through (the illusion of) love or fear, it is so easy for tony to control the children even into adulthood. also we’ve seen how he treats each one differently and i assume way is so love starved because of how he’s been treated his whole life, and while on some level i get keeping a tighter leash on him because he’s so special/necessary, specially being the only one left, and he may have turned out a completely different person/been less afraid and dependant if he wasn’t abused… holy shit. even when tony cups way’s face in his hand in jeff’s flashback as a sign of affection and encouragement, way doesn’t look anything other than terrified. so yeah, personally i have no doubt that tony’s been ruthless with him. as i said in a different post i think way is completely hopeless; to me he sees tony as someone all powerful, which adds to why he is still under his control even if way is, that we know as of now, more powerful than him and could technically use his powers to escape. also i think his powers work more as a strong suggestion, but i’ll circle back to this later when it’s relevant again, sorry lol

kinda tangentially: i would love to know if any of tony’s grown kids that he didn’t sell (yet?) love him in some way? either the ones we know or some others we don’t, because loving your abuser is not something you can control, and the father/child dynamic makes it extra complicated imo. i don’t believe tony capable of consistently treating anyone well for a second, but i do wonder if some of them were… luckier. 

OOOH THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION. can you believe me, certified way expert (self-diagnosed), hadn't even thought about that? i’m not naturally a touchy person except with animals for some reason, think… pretty much way with everyone else that isn’t babe lol, and maybe because of that i tend to notice touches a lot (bet no one could have guessed that from my gifs) so i noticed how stiff way is sometimes around everyone else, even with alan which seems to be the one he’s closest to after babe, when he’s so touchy with babe. and yet it didn’t occur to me even though jeff has explained before having to go through something similar because of his powers smh but yes that makes total sense! their physicality is one thing i love about their friendship, just because i love seeing people being like that, i think it’s sweet.

see this is something i find interesting regarding people’s reactions to both charlie and way, because charlie also approached babe under false pretenses while still under tony’s thumb. he lied to babe, and yes he may have had a completely different agenda to begin with, but ultimately both charlie and way approached babe with a goal, fell in love, and are trying to protect him each in their own way. only charlie is hopeful and less broken, and at the core of way there’s mostly despair, but both of them are doing what they think is their best to protect babe: charlie thinks they can escape tony so he tries to do that, and way believes none of them can so he thinks at least being together will make things more bearable. (i don’t think he’s thought a lot about the babies for some reason, maybe because i imagine myself in his position and think about how horrifying it would be to even ponder about.) i’m not saying we should condemn charlie, but i don’t understand the double standard. and not to turn this into the omegaverse oppression olympics, but it’s pretty clear already for the very little we’ve seen of way with tony that charlie has a way less brutal past with him than way does, so it’s no wonder to me that he’s still optimistic. not to mention that judging by age alone charlie has been in the family for a lot less time. AND not to mention comparing him to babe. worlds apart.

see?

literally!!! honestly i think way’s powers work more as a strong suggestion than anything else, which still doesn’t make them useless by any means but it’s not the same influencing someone than changing his mind, which is why he kept mind-controlling babe as his relationship with charlie progressed and he grew more desperate, because he had to kept going back every time babe thought through what he was feeling. imo he’s just putting an idea in the person’s mind not changing their whole psyche, so unless they accept it (babe believing his words because he’s someone he trusts) they can fight it off (both babe and charlie right after the SA attempt scene). 

ALSO YES ABSOLUTELY this is what i think about the most. everyone in that family is emotionally stunted and understandably so, but with this we get to the crux of way and babe’s relationship imo. (and again this is my interpretation according to what we’ve been told/shown so far, if it turns out to be something different nevermind, etc.) they met each other 10 years ago when both of them were alone and hurt (babe because he’d found out the truth, way because *waves around at everything*), they became friends, they became each other’s support, they became best friends!! and yes they had a father uncle figure of sorts they could rely on in alan and they had the rest of the team, but they became completely dependent on each other. their whole relationship seems to have been based around the ethos that no one else understands them like each other (which is funny considering how true that was for way even if babe had no idea, and in a way is no wonder he fell in love when babe didn’t) which kinda trapped them in a feedback loop. of course babe thought exactly like that 10 years ago are you kidding me? the commitment issues were the least of his concerns. they kept telling both themselves and each other that as long as babe had way and way had babe they didn’t need anyone else, but while way was waiting for babe to look at him and notice that they could be together romantically babe was slowly but surely healing and moving on from under the shadow of the chen family. something that way can’t do. and then charlie came along, and he didn’t have the pheromone which meant babe could enjoy their time together, and babe was finally ready to trust someone enough to fall in love, only that someone wasn’t way.

most importantly, it’s not only that things will go badly for both of them (which. is already enough lol) after this, but that way wants for things to stay the same. up until charlie showed up babe legitimately only cared about racing, the team, and way. even if way hadn’t been in love with babe, i think it’s perfectly understandable that he would have felt left behind, even with babe still spending many hours with him, just because they used to be together all the time. even alan said so.

and of course to make matters worse there’s the whole thing of the inescapable horrors of tony’s plan and all that, so really, no wonder way has been getting so desperate. also (and i can’t believe i’m using exactly the same defense i was using for CHARLIE at the beginning of the series) i do believe way has been sincere in that he believes what he says and he believes he is doing the best he can for babe. does not mean it actually is the best or good at all but it’s what he truly believes, and that’s what’s important.

the assault scene was so hard to watch, and not to diminish babe’s pain in the least but you could really tell what way was going through and how much it hurt him to do what he was doing, because indeed, way hasn’t done anything like this before. if he was that bad he could have done it 10 years ago and be done with it, but he didn’t. (again i’ll get back to this later because i have more to say about the type of mind-control.) it’s only when he’s been found out and he sees no way forward when he does what surely tony would want him and probably has told him to do. and still he’s so devastated over it, you can see his desperation the whole time and like you said, he has more than ample opportunity to get babe back under his control but as soon as charlie stops him he doesn’t continue. it still doesn’t excuse that he made even the attempt, but i firmly believe that he was as glad as i was when charlie showed up. 

about pete, even if it’s just because it’s what makes sense to me narratively with the whole enigma parallel, i think this knowledge has to change something in way. at some point he has to realise that he's just trying to delude himself by believing tony's lies, and i think having pete near has to be the catalyst for that, because he is also the living proof of there being a way out. he’s an enigma, he was one of tony’s children, and now he’s free and he’s not connected to tony anymore. so yeah, i am waiting for that way redemption arc, and it better come fast. 

and this is the part where i have to defend babe lmao i don’t think you’re wrong with it maybe being a case of telling and not showing which isn’t great, but it could also be about babe being so enamoured with charlie that he’s neglecting way… momentarily. we still see them alone together, but way is more tense and stressed than ever and babe has constant relationship drama with charlie, so i think it’s understandable there’s more attention to that. also this may be just me projecting but i do think babe is dumb af irt way’s feelings towards him, either in really not seeing them or gaslighting himself (as he tries to do everyone else) in there not being anything to see in the first place; it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way and he doesn’t want to loose his best friend, so he takes the easy way out by pretending there’s nothing there. i do think he’s putting his foot down with everyone else if not way himself by repeatedly defining their relationship to them and saying in no unclear terms that they are friends and they couldn’t be anything else, same as when he said the thing about way’s boy

i think it was a not-so-subtle way to tell him to look elsewhere. but then we get things like the joke in that flashback at the aunt’s restaurant (which tbf was from many years ago) which felt like a punch in the gut to me lol there are a couple more moments when babe jokes about way being his boyfriend/makes a comment about him acting like his boyfriend which is what makes me think he’s just dumb and not cruel.

about the racing i honestly. don’t know what to say because why would the hours spent training be more important than the actual performance? i still do think dean should have been the one to race, don’t get me wrong, but the logic isn’t really logicking for me there. i don’t think the narrative supports my belief that he’s better than charlie at all but still charlie is using babe’s senses to race and not winning, so. why would you (babe) do that to my child, specifically when we’re told that he would have been fair/respected all the work dean has been putting into training if not for charlie?

[chenfordspiral]

A Chenford Thesis on 5x10

Hi, hello. It’s me again! I’ve taken my time with this one because the creative juices just wouldn’t quite flow the way they often did with my little essay for 5x08. I’m surprised I actually managed to get this done before 5x18 ultimately kills us all. That might’ve actually given me the necessary push to finish this because I know I won’t be able to focus after Tuesday. 

Kinda surprised I wrote this at all. Because I was not planning on writing anything but the thing for 5x08. But here we are. You've all given me enough reason to get over my fears and just do this.

So, let’s get started.

Previously on The Tim&Lucy Show – uhm, I mean, The Rookie: Tim asks Lucy out on a date after they’ve finally admitted their feelings for each other. 

That can only mean one thing now: Date night is finally here! 

I love everything about this opening scene. I never would’ve expected to get a rom com like montage of Lucy and Tim stressing over what outfit to wear for their first official date. 

I get giddy every time I see this scene, seriously. 

They’re such different people, but in this moment, they do the same thing. They’ve cleaned out almost their entire closets trying to find the right thing to wear. Tim’s wearing the same pants the whole time, but cannot for the life of him decide on the right button down. 

Meanwhile, Lucy has pulled out all the dresses she’s worn that signify important moments in their journey. The green dress from Angela & Wesley’s first attempted wedding when Tim asked her to save him a dance before it all went to hell but also gave us one of the most significant Chenford moments that had them realize there might be something more between them (I love that hug). 

The dress from the horrendous double date with Blondie and the WIP, where they spent the entire time talking to each other instead of their dates. 

And then the dress she wore to Nyla’s wedding when they finally had that dance he still owed her and told her she’d be the arresting officer on future reports (she’s always been more important than his career). 

But none of those dresses are right for this occasion. It’s time to pick something that’s new. Because this is a new beginning. She just can’t decide which outfit she likes best. 

And then there’s our boy Timothy again. He’s finally frustrated enough to stop trying on different shirts and gets his phone. I don’t know what I expected, but not what happened next. 

Because I never would have imagined that Tim Bradford would stress so much that he would need to call his best friend to calm himself down. And said best friend just happens to be the woman he’s going out with. 

Yeah, I love him. I love them. 

I also love the little pout Lucy makes right before her phone rings. It’s so adorable. She goes to grab her phone, slightly nervous when she realizes it’s Tim who’s calling her, because she’s not even close to being ready to leave. “Hi, I’m almost there” she says, as she stands in the middle of the chaos she’s created trying to find the right thing to wear. 

But Tim catches on immediately. “No, no. No you’re not” because he knows her too well. Lucy grins a little guiltily at being caught, “No, I’m not, sorry. Uhm, are you?”  

“No!” Because of course he isn’t. He wants to look perfect for their date. They both do. They’re both stressing so much. And I love it. “Look, does this restaurant have a dress code?” 

I’m sorry, Tim. You’re asking her about the restaurant? Were you not the one who planned it? Or did you just google ‘most romantic restaurant in town’ and go with it?! Either way, he’s so indecisive that he needs to know if there’s certain expectations from the restaurant. Or maybe he’s just asking Lucy what she’d like to see him wear even though he’s the one who planned everything but is now so flustered that he needs her advice. 

Am I thinking about this too much? Probably. Anyway. 

“Uhh, no. I mean, you could wear cargo shorts, if you wanted.” Ha, as if, Lucy. He would never. But he’s intrigued now. Come on, we all know he knows she’s teasing him here. “Really?” he asks, taking the bait. Or pretending to, anyway. “Yeah, I mean. What does it matter as long as you’re comfortable?” 

“Nice try. That was clearly a test. And you should know better than to test the master” he says while grinning like an idiot. And Lucy just laughs while he says it and fondly rolls her eyes at his, really their, ridiculousness. 

“What are you wearing?” You did not just ask that, Timothy. I know he means it as innocently as possible, but in any other context this would sound very… suggestive, you know. And we already know Lucy’s answer to this before she can say a word: she doesn’t know. Just that she has a lot that she’s already discarded as ‘no’. And she tells him as much. 

To which he responds “Well, we are running low on time. Traffic’s getting ugly.” How long have they been married again? Oh, right. Legally speaking, zero seconds. Emotionally speaking, basically since the day they met. “Yeah, I know. It’s – it’s silly. I just need to make a decision…” Yeah, Lucy, you do. But don’t feel bad. I’m not convinced Tim’s made a final decision yet, either.

“Ah, yes. The green dress. It is decided.” “Great. I’ll… I’ll see you soon.” “Okay. Bye.” I am losing my mind over how soft their voices are here. And look at those smiles. I. Am. Melting. All the nervousness seems to have faded away for a bit. They’re all soft smiles and excitement now. They can’t wait to start this new chapter of their story. 

Lucy takes another look in the mirror after hanging up the phone, still smiling. She likes that dress; she likes the way Tim gave her a once-over and appreciated her in it. And she could hear it in his voice that he remembers how she looked, too. So, this seems fitting. Right? 

“No. God.” 

I’m cackling. Come on Lucy, you’ve already tried on everything you have in your closet. What are you gonna wear?! 

Now, before I even get into this next part, let me just say this: 

I apologize if their first date falls a bit short here. As much as I love this scene, I also kind of hate it because I still get very uncomfortable watching it. I can feel the awkwardness through my screen and it’s making me feel weird. I keep looking away, talking to myself to cover the dialogue or just skip parts of it entirely because I can’t get over the weirdness.

That being said, I will try my best to get through it at least once so I can do this justice, because it’s such an important part of Chenford’s story. But, again, apologies if it feels a bit off at times. 

So, here goes nothing then. 

We finally get to see what they’ve decided to wear. Tim‘s in the same button down as he was when he called Lucy. Now he’s got a nice suit jacket over it, looking pretty handsome. And Lucy, my girl. She chose a dress. Wow. That’s… revealing for a first date. But she looks absolutely gorgeous (yes, I have a girl crush). 

But aside from looking great in their outfits, they look very uncomfortable as they sit side by side in weird silence that’s occasionally filled with the most awkward and unnatural small talk we’ve ever seen between them. Come on, are you actually talking about bread?! 

I can’t help but cackle whenever I see Tim brushing away what I consider to be an imaginary breadcrumb to keep busy. Well, when he’s not checking her out in that gorgeous dress. Can’t blame him though, cause I am definitely looking, too. Respectfully, of course. Just like he is. He almost looks shy when he does it, actually. God, I love him. 

I’m not going to cover all the small talk here because that would be too painful for me, but I will say this. I think most of us were expecting an awkward first date, I even wrote it down somewhere right after the winter finale aired that I wanted it to be awkward. Didn’t think it would make me feel that embarrassed and uncomfortable though. 

Well done, TR. 

But it makes perfect sense. It is going to be awkward and weird when you transition from best friends to lovers. Even more so after spending months barely talking to each other after basically breaking up. They will need a bit of time to find their way in this new relationship. Yes, they know everything about each other. But being together romantically is new; it’s different. It’s a complete 180 compared to the previous few months. 

But once they do find their way, it will all be worth it. Because they’re going be so good together. 

Lucy finally breaks the awkward silence and weird small talk. “Why is this so weird? We’ve literally eaten together hundreds of times.” “Because… our other meals only ever held the promise of being shot at afterwards. You know. And not, like, naked time.”

Timothy?!

I. Am. Cackling. Again. But I can’t help it. Lucy’s reaction is just so priceless, and his expression when he realizes what he just said is sending me. I’m definitely having a good laugh. 

And yeah, his comment here is less than ideal and we can see that he regrets it as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Ok, he kind of regrets it. Look at that head tilt, shrug, and little smirk after Lucy’s ‘are you serious?!’ response. Yeah, he wants it. But it breaks the tension and the awkwardness. They can finally talk to one another. 

They’re finding their way. 

Also, can anyone blame him for going there? He knows how their “undercover” kisses went. She basically jumped him, repeatedly. It’s not too far-fetched to think that this might be happening after they’re done with dinner. But Lucy pretends not to know what he means. For now.  

“Please. I mean, we’ve seen plenty of naked people after we ate.” “Yeah, that’s… that’s not what I m–” “No no no, I know. I know, I know. I – I feel like I might… I need – I might just need you to reset your expectations a little bit.”

Look how his attention is immediately laser-focused on her and what she has to say. He doesn’t wanna miss or misinterpret anything she has to say right now. He knows this is important. 

“You’re not gonna see me naked for… a while.” 

Clearly, she doesn’t know that he already saw her bare back and literally short-circuited in Vegas. Mh. Maybe it’s a good thing they won’t be going there for a while. Gives him more time to mentally prepare himself for it. Anyway. 

I admire the way Lucy isn’t afraid of voicing her wishes here. She knows that she can be open with Tim in a way she hasn’t been able to with anyone else before. She already feels secure enough with him to let him know what she wants without fearing that he’s gonna leave. Because she knows he respects her and won’t judge her for what she wants. Or doesn’t want, just yet. 

“I mean, I don’t wanna rush into that. I wanna take things slow.” 

I love that she wants to approach this relationship differently than what we’ve seen of her with previous relationships before. Because everything with Tim is different. Because Tim is different. He’s, what I like to call, her first and only love. 

We’ve never seen Lucy in love with anyone before. We’ve never seen her heartbroken over someone she dated. With Nolan, she was frustrated that he could end things with her so easily. With Emmett, she was mad that he didn’t break up with her face to face. And with the WIP, she was the one to do the dumping. And she never called any of them her boyfriend for a reason. 

The only time we saw her heartbroken was when she thought Tim didn’t want her in 5x02. Maybe even in 4x21 when she thought he wanted to marry Blondie and she saw him fake-propose (still hate you for that, Timothy. But can I actually hate someone I love?). 

So, we know this is different for Lucy. And she knows it, too. 

Right now, she wants to take this slow. She wants to do this right. Have this date, then a second one, then their first real kiss without the pretense of UC work. “I just don’t think we should jump into bed together just because we know each other so well. I mean, do you –?”  

Because this is “the most important relationship in [her] life” after all. She wants to enjoy just finally getting to be with Tim. She wants to make sure she cherishes every single one of those early moments of what will be the last relationship of her life. When you know it’s gonna last, why rush?

And I love that Tim is so easily on board. He doesn’t question her wishes, doesn’t pressure her into anything she’s not ready for (unlike a certain former WIP). He’s accepting her pace. “Agreed.” Because he understands. She might not want to go there just yet, but he knows it’s in the future. Because he knows he’s the most important person in her life. There’s no question that this is serious for her. She just wants to do this right.

And look at the way he’s looking at her while he listens. I’m melting over here. He’s so damn smitten, my heart can’t take this. Again, I love him. Imagine this said in the way Rachel says it in ep 7x04 of Friends. That’s usually what I mean when I write that. 

“Yeah?”

You can hear the relief in Lucy’s voice and see it in her eyes. Happy that he’s understanding, that he’s okay with the way she wants to do this, and she didn’t miscalculate how he’d respond. Yes, there might’ve been a small part of her that was a bit scared that he wouldn’t understand. But at the end of the day, Tim’s always respected Lucy and what she has to say and wants. That’ll never change. 

Their first little moment of normalcy is interrupted when Tim hears the door to the restaurant open and looks over and then around himself. What are you doing, Tim? Focus on the woman sitting next to you, please. Lucy of course sees how he’s suddenly started squirming in his seat and looks over her shoulder. 

She has a little smirk on her face when she’s turning back around, already suspecting what he might be afraid of. “Are you worried someone from the station’s gonna walk in?” “What?” “You are!” “No, I…“ “Wow.” Yeah, she’s kinda enjoying his unease. 

But he’s a bit, well not exactly annoyed, but definitely not happy, either. “What are the odds?” As Lucy gestures ‘who knows,’ they’re interrupted yet again by a loud crash from the kitchen. They both look over, trying to figure out what’s going on. I really appreciate that Tim’s not annoyed at what’s happening but defends the staff because they’re working in a stressful environment. 

But because they’re cops, Lucy is on alert. Should they do something? Nope, says Tim. Let it blow over on its own. But it doesn’t. It takes a turn for the worse. Because of course it does, it’s Chenford’s first date and they cannot enjoy a moment of peace. 

Now, why does Tim have his gun and badge with him, on a date? Well, he’s a creature of habit, he needs to be prepared for every possible scenario. Still didn’t expect that part though. But I gotta say, thank you. Cause they’re one badass couple (couple!!!), working in tandem to get the situation under control and helping the chef. 

And yes, I clocked Lucy’s little touch to Tim’s arm (and it’s the second one in this entire scene already!) right before they stood up. Once more proving to me that physical touch is definitely one of her love languages. 

After it’s all handled and the guy is in cuffs and the chef’s wound is taken care of, Tim and Lucy look at one another. “What are the chances of someone from the station walking in now?” Aaaand, cue the lights, the cops have arrived. Well, busted. And Tim is more than a little frustrated at how this night has turned out. He just wanted to enjoy finally being able to go out with Lucy. 

He turns back around toward her and, holy. That barely-held-in laugh from Lucy as she looks at him? Dying. She’s enjoying this, because come on, it is kind of hilarious. 

Before, she was joking that the odds were in their favor and there was no chance in hell anyone they knew could walk in. But now it’s actually about to happen. And their names are most likely gonna be on the police report. So people will know they were there together. Having a romantic dinner. Or trying to, anyway. 

This should be interesting. 

Also, I’m seven pages in, and I’ve only covered the first two scenes? No wonder this is taking me forever to write. It can really only get worse from here. 

It’s the next day, and we see them standing together, secluded and removed from the hustle of the rest of the bullpen, deep in conversation. They immediately stop talking when Officer Jan (hi!) walks by. And I need to point out Lucy’s little pose as she tilts her head to the side in greeting. I cannot stop laughing whenever I see it. It’s so adorable and so freaking Lucy. 

Once he’s passed them, Lucy starts talking again. “Okay, we can’t deny the facts. We were both at the restaurant, it’s in the police report.” “And all we know is that the witness reports mention the fact that we were sitting together.” “Yeah.” 

Yup, there it is. Both names in the police report, countless witnesses that can attest to them sitting together… this is bad. Because they both know that what they’re doing is against the rules and they don’t seem to be in a rush to tell people. Or be ready for it. 

See, this is one of the things that surprised me about them getting together this early. And the way they did. Usually, Tim is a stickler for rules. Him dating a subordinate officer in his direct chain of command? And one he once trained, no less? That’s definitely not following the rules. He doesn’t often go against his sense of duty. I assumed this to be a big obstacle and a reason for Tim not to go for it. 

But here’s the big but. 

He’s always been willing to follow his heart instead of his head when it’s about the things and people that matter more. When it’s about the people he loves. Especially because he’s not a big fan of change. 

His world changed and shifted dramatically after he realized that he was in love with Lucy. When he pulled the plug on their professional partnership. When he was single again and had to see the woman he loves with someone else, thinking he had no chance whatsoever. Same for early season 1 Tim after Isabel left. 

There was no stability for him other than the job. 

And I don’t think he’s ready to face the fact that something will have to change eventually. And who can blame him? He’s looked for stability his whole life. 

“This is not strange,” Lucy says after looking around the station again. “Co-workers eat together, it’s a thing.” They do. But not when it’s just two of them and they’re dressed the way you two were. That and the ambiance screamed ‘date’. “At the most romantic restaurant in town?” Most romantic restaurant in town? Wow, look at you, Timothy. Going all out for your woman. Mister “I’m not trying to be romantic” proving once more that he is, in fact, a big fat romantic at heart. 

And Lucy gets it: “Right.” They really can’t deny why they were there together. After another look around the bullpen, Lucy tries a different tactic. “Well, I mean. We could come clean.” You could what? Lucy! 

I did not see this coming. And Lucy being the one to say it? Yeah, she really is in love. We know she’s not opposed to keeping a relationship a secret. She never even considered coming clean about being with Nolan years ago. And they were peers, basically. Not subordinate and superior officer like her and Tim. 

But I’ll repeat myself: Tim is different. Everything is different with him because for the first time, Lucy is actually in love and is therefore okay with telling her boss. Well, her boss’s boss, technically. She seems to be okay with all the potential professional change and backlash.  

“Are you ready for that? Are you ready for Smitty’s commentary on us… dating or the ooh’s every time we walk into the roll call room together?” 

Okay, so much to unpack here. 

First: clearly, Tim was not expecting this from her either. Look at how he looks at her right after she says it. He’s seen how Lucy likes to keep the guys she dates at arm’s length. (But that’s because none of them were you, Timothy.) Second: it’s kind of hilarious that he would assume Smitty of all people to be the one most likely to make fun of them (he won’t, btw). Third: Lucy NOT freaking out about Tim saying they’re dating?

Nope, I’m not squealing with joy over here at all. They’ve had one ‘barely-qualifies-as-a-date’ date and Lucy is perfectly content with labeling their relationship. Then again, she already called him her most important relationship before they were together, so I guess it makes sense that she’d be okay with it. 

But I’m still overjoyed that she’s so content with it all. 

And lastly: I’m sorry Timothy. But once you disclose your relationship, chances are pretty slim to none that you’ll be walking into roll call together again. You’re her superior; dating each other while still working together can’t actually happen, at least not while you’re in the same chain of command. Something’s gonna change. Seems like he’s a bit in denial here, because, again, he’s probably not fully ready for that professional change that has to happen eventually.  

And now Lucy also doesn’t seem too happy about that anymore, either. “Or we could lie.” But interesting that that wasn’t her first thought. And then it’s like a switch flipped after she said lie, because now she’s coming up with a cover story for a UC stint about drug dealers in the restaurant which just so happens to have required Tim’s help.  

One little flaw here, at least for me. You two have barely talked to each other for months, but somehow, he’s the one you asked for help? Interesting. Would that really be believable? But Tim’s on board. Because at least it’s something plausible, kind of. “Not bad.” “Thank you.” Oh, they’re so cute in this moment. 

And the moment gets interrupted by Nolan, thank you very much. All he says is “Morning,” and suddenly Tim and Lucy are rattling down their cover story. Hey, my loves. He just said ‘morning’. No need to explain yourselves when he literally hasn’t asked you anything. And Nolan is as confused as I am: “What?” 

Because really Lucy? Even though Nolan didn’t ask, aren’t you supposed to be good at lying and being convincing when telling a cover story? If he were more perceptive in this moment, he would’ve caught on immediately and you two would’ve been busted. 

Their attention is turned towards Celina and Aaron, who they can hear talking and laughing in the roll call room. They briefly discuss if anything’s going on between them before Sergeant Grey’s knocking on his office window to get their attention. Nolan excuses himself after Grey motions for Tim and Lucy to come join him. 

And yes. They look guilty. And apprehensive. Maybe even a little scared. They share a brief look before making their way over. And Tim, ever the gentleman since Lucy became his rookie, is the one to open the door and let her walk in ahead of him (thank you Eric Winter, for insisting to be the one to open the door. Nice continuity!).

But oh boy, does Lucy look even guiltier now that she’s standing in front of Grey. Tim actually looks kind of okay, but he’s already bracing himself for bad news. Also, I absolutely love that their stances mirror each other here. 

Now, we all saw the sneak peek before the episode aired, but it always surprises me again how Grey just goes in for the kill shot without warning. “I think you know how I feel about co-workers dating.” Yup, so they’re getting busted, right? And they think so, too. Look at how they immediately turn toward and look at each other. 

I won’t recite all of Grey’s speech here, but there are a few things that are pretty important. “How power dynamics can skew things” – that is for sure a not-so-subtle hint that they need to think about their obvious imbalance of power. And that he suspects there’s something happening between them. 

And watch their reactions to that. They’re clearly uncomfortable, Tim especially. Because he doesn’t want anyone to think he’s abusing his power to force Lucy into a relationship with him. We all know that’s not what’s happening, but people can be bitches. And they might also assume that she’s going to receive special treatment from him because she’s sleeping with him. 

The entire time Grey is talking, Tim and Lucy can’t seem to stand still. They keep fidgeting with their hands, looking at each other for reassurance. Waiting for the shoe to drop. 

“Feelings are bound to develop. But we can’t afford a hint of impropriety.” “We couldn’t agree more.” It’s we. They’ve been together a matter of days, but it’s already we instead of I. They’re in this together. No matter what. Tim isn’t letting her go because of some work issues. Have I mentioned that I love them? 

“Look. I don’t wanna be the old guy interfering with people’s lives. Especially their love life. But –“  Oh, here it comes. 

But then it doesn’t. Because for now, Grey is done with what he wanted to say; now, he’s switching gears. It’s no longer about Tim and Lucy, but Aaron and Celina. And it totally was about them before – he wouldn’t have had to talk about the power imbalance if it had been about Aaron and Celina from the start. 

Because, come on. He totally knows there’s something going on that wasn’t there before. He’s had a front row seat to Chenford since the day they met. He’s seen how they’ve evolved from rookie and TO who barely knew each other to best friends. He’s seen the looks and the glances. He’s seen how they’ve always gravitated toward each other, yet how distant they’ve been since Lucy came back from UC school. He saw how uncomfortable they were when he told them to ride together again. And suddenly they’re totally at ease with each other and smiling?

Yeah, he’s not blind. But he’s willing to let them be (for now) and come to him whenever they’re ready. Because they deserve to be happy. 

He’s seen them at their best and at their worst. But he’s never seen them at their happiest until now. So, he semi-subtly lets them know that they need to consider the work issue at some point, and rather sooner than later. For now though, he just wants them to talk to Aaron and Celina about the problems of dating a cop. 

He’s totally picked the right people for this… “Oh, the irony,” as Tim so eloquently puts it after they’ve agreed to talk to them and left Grey’s office. Also, I have to mention how they turned around to look toward Aaron and Celina in complete sync. They’re so in tune with one another… I love it. And he opened the door for her again. I love you, Tim. Yes, I know I know. You’re Lucy’s, but a girl can dream. 

They briefly talk about talking to Celina and Aaron and how awesome that’s going to be. “Can’t wait,” Tim says. Because that’s a disaster waiting to happen. He doesn’t talk about personal stuff in the shop unless it’s with Lucy. And Lucy can’t in good conscience talk to a fellow female officer about not dating a cop when she’s currently dating one herself. 

But Lucy wouldn’t be Lucy if she didn’t find a way anyway. So when she spots Nolan across the bullpen again, she immediately says she’ll get him to do it and walks off. Leaving Tim a bit annoyed, because “That’s cheating!” But Lucy doesn’t care and simply giggles as she walks away. 

Also: height difference! Lucy looks absolutely tiny next to Tim in this shot. Okay, she always does. But with the way she looks up at him, she looks shorter than usual. And I’m loving it. 

Update: I’m now eleven pages in and only halfway through the Chenford parts of the ep. No, I don’t have a problem at all. 

Moving along. Tim and Aaron are out patrolling. Tim looks over at him and gives in. He has to ask. Grey told him to. “You and Celina dating?” And Aaron is as surprised as anybody would be when Sergeant ‘no-personal-life-in-the-shop’ Bradford starts a conversation about personal stuff. 

I love these two together. And this scene does not disappoint, either. Aaron says it wouldn’t be a problem for him and Celina do date, as cops date all the time. But it’d be different if they were in the same chain of command. He points out all the issues I mentioned above: people assuming she’s dating an SO out of duress, him making decisions based on the relationship. In short: “It’d be a nightmare, man. One of us would probably have to transfer to a whole different station.”

And Tim’s super uncomfortable. Because that’s not where he saw the conversation going. He didn’t want to hear about all the issues he and Lucy inevitably have to deal with for the second time that day. He’s literally squirming in his seat, a bit of panic written all over his face before he deflects. “Forget I asked.” Conversation over. 

Because he still doesn’t really wanna think about the inevitable. He and Lucy can’t keep working together. No matter the fact that she’s no longer riding with him. He’s still her direct superior. Something will have to change. Again, that’s not something Tim’s a big fan of. 

Later on, after hell has broken loose, Tim and Lucy stand between a shop and the SWAT van, looking around, taking in the scene of chaos because one of the bank robbers has taken a hostage. This is now the problem they need to solve. But they take a brief moment to talk anyway. 

“Remember this morning? When dating in secret was our biggest problem?” Lucy asks while they’re surrounded by numerous cops. And body cams. Subtle, real subtle. “Feels like a million years ago.” “Yeah. Did you talk to Aaron?” “Ya.” “And?” “He neither confirmed nor denied.” “But?” “But, he pointed out that it wouldn’t be problematic because he’s not her superior and doesn’t fall in her chain of command.” 

“Oh.” Yes, Lucy looks a bit sad here. But I don’t think it’s because she’s scared he’ll break things off. He’s already made his decision when he asked her to dinner. Twice. It’s more about the fact that once again, she’s reminded that they won’t be able to continue working together anymore. And just like Tim, she’s not ready for that inevitable change yet. 

But as soon as Tim’s phone pings, alerting him that he has their hostages phone number, they’re both right back to business. Lucy doesn’t hesitate to back Tim up as they’re taking cover behind a shop door and he’s talking to the hostage and their bad guy. 

Despite all the issues pointed out by Grey and Aaron before, Lucy and Tim still manage work together seamlessly. They don’t let their relationship become an issue here. Lucy doesn’t tell Tim not to go ahead with his plan even though it’s dangerous and she’s scared for him. She knows he has to do his job. 

They’re both focused on the job.

Even when Tim and Aaron are dangling off a rooftop in their shop later that day, Tim is focused on his job. He’s not letting Aaron risk his life for him. But Aaron knows there’s something – someone – waiting for Tim to make it back safely. “You go out first. […] Sir, with all due respect, Lucy will kill me if I let you die, so I’m dead either way.” 

Aaron, I love you. He knows there’s something between them. He’s been the one closest to both of them in recent months, at least while on the job. He’s seen their interactions. And whether or not he’s aware they’re together now – he definitely has his suspicions – he knows one thing for certain: Tim and Lucy are in love. And willing to do anything for the other person. But he makes Aaron leave the shop first, anyway.

I know we all want cute, worried moments between Tim and Lucy and maybe expected one in this episode after that incident. But it makes sense not to show it, at least here. Because it emphasizes that they know the risks of the job. Just like they did with the hostage situation. Does that make it easier? No, of course not. They still worry about each other. But they don’t need those interactions after every near-death moment. 

(Would love to see some in the future, though. 5x18?)

Instead, it’s easy bantering here. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t die. You owe me a re-do on our date.” “It’s what gave me the will to live.” Gave me the will to live. O. M. G. Timothy! In a moment when he was staring death in the face, he only thought about needing to make it out to take her on another date. She makes him want to live, people. She’s his reason to live. 

Okay, I really need to calm down before I keep writing. Wow. 

“In my mind I’m hitting you right now.” “That’s good to know.” Oh, how I love their bickering. They’re still them.

Despite all the professional issues that were not-so-subtly pointed out to them today, they still don’t seem to care much, yet. They’re gonna enjoy themselves before they have to worry about any of that somewhere down the line. So, second first date under what appear to be Christmas lights it is. Yes, I’m going with Christmas lights here because in my world, this date happened in late November/early December-ish. 

Because what is time in The Rookie universe? If they can’t keep a timeline, I’m making my own and running with it.

I swoon every time I watch this scene. 

It’s the way they sit together, each having one foot on the other’s chair. There’s no tension, they’re completely at ease and relaxed. It’s so perfectly them to not have this do-over at some other fancy restaurant but at a food truck instead. Is that a traditional place to have a date? No. But when have they ever done anything the ‘traditional’ way? 

Falling in love with your former rookie or TO is already pretty non-traditional. But it’s not like they could’ve stopped it from happening. 

“Streets of Vietnam. That’s where we ended up. So I guess this is our first date.” “Mh, last night was, for sure.” Wasn’t she the one to say they needed a re-do for their first date in the scene before this one? Now it’s suddenly not the first, but the second? Interesting, Lucy. I see ya. 

“I mean, it’s a better story for the grandkids.” Grandkids?! Lucy, you keep surprising me in the best way possible. They’ve been on one date that can barely count as such, and she’s already happy to talk about something that’s decades into the future. 

Because she sees a future with him. She wants that future. She already feels secure enough to know that that’s where they’re headed. And she’s totally fine with that. Lucy ‘commitment phobe’ Chen is ready to spend the rest of her life with Tim. And that thought just completely ruined me. Again. (One of these days, my family might just have to write ‘death by Chenford’ on my tombstone.)

And Tim is as surprised as I am. “We’ve got grandkids now? Nice.” I love this for him. Because now he knows for certain that that’s something in the future. Yes, again, they’re years, decades away from that. But Lucy just confirmed that that’s what she sees for them. That that’s what she wants with him. They just started dating, and she already can’t wait to tell the story to their grandkids. 

Tim will finally be able to have that future that he’s always dreamed of. He doesn’t have to settle for anything less than what he wants. 

And Lucy’s laugh after he says ‘nice’. Oh, she is the cutest. And look at him. Man, they’re just so happy. No, neither one of them was expecting to have this kind of conversation during their second date. Sometimes you just say things without thinking them through. But then you get an unexpected yet wonderful answer in return, and it doesn’t matter anymore.

Now the only thing that matters is that they’re already on the same page. 

He’s still smiling when he turns in his seat a bit and then sees nothing good. “Do not break into that car.” He’s so exasperated. He just wants to enjoy this little date with Lucy, can’t people leave them alone and commit their crimes somewhere else, far away from them? 

But instead of getting up to arrest the guy, he simply gets out his badge (again, he doesn’t seem to go anywhere without it) and yells: “Hey moron!” before showing off said badge, and effectively scaring the guy away. And I’m cackling at Tim’s disbelieving headshake. Because it’s so Tim. 

Lucy seems to be a little surprised that he would just let him get away without even trying. “You know he’s just gonna break into a car in a different neighborhood.” Because she knows that he’s usually cop first, everything else second. 

But, once again, like at the end of 5x08, Tim and Lucy are the only thing that matters in this moment. “Well, then some other cop can arrest him,” he says when they’re finally turned toward each other again. Tim Bradford letting a would-be car thief go so he can enjoy being with the woman he loves? 

Some things really do matter more. 

Look at him looking at Lucy with such adoration. Have we ever seen Tim look at her like this before? I know we have a few good moments prior to this, but this is a whole other level. He doesn’t have to hide anything anymore. He can finally show her how much he adores her. Because now he knows it’s reciprocated.

And it’s so beautiful. Because Tim fell in love. But he would’ve kept his feelings to himself for as long as he thought he was in it alone. Hell, he probably would’ve taken them to his grave if she hadn’t blurted out how she felt in 5x08. No matter how much he wanted to explore this thing with her, he was keeping his distance, because he couldn’t take another rejection; and she seemed happy. 

But now he gets to openly show his love. Or as openly as you can when you’re keeping a relationship a secret. But: he doesn’t have to hide it from her anymore. His cards are on the table, her cards are on the table. Hiding from each other and their feelings is in the past. 

He leans toward her, cradling the side of her face with one hand to close the distance. But he’s also giving her enough space and time to stop him if she’s not ready. But she is. They’re both ready to do this. Look at the way they both smile into that kiss. Urgh, they’re so cute. So in love. 

And, omg. Tim’s other hand on her thigh? He’s not really someone to show a lot of  affection, much less in public. But here he is, touching her wherever he can because, well, now he can. He’s allowed. No, he didn’t ask but he’s keeping it respectful and without making Lucy feel uncomfortable. 

She knows he’s not one to do this too much, so maybe she’s actually enjoying it quite a lot. She is, after all, a pretty physically affectionate person, which we’ll get so see even more in the episodes after this one. It’s definitely one of her love languages (damn, I already said this once, haven’t I?). So she probably loves that that’s reciprocated.

They finally close the distance and share their first kiss. Their first real kiss. The last first kiss they’ll ever have, because we all know this is for keeps. Nothing and no one will keep them apart, I am sure of it. They’ll face every and all challenges together from here on out. 

And it’s so different from all the kisses they shared under the guise of undercover work. It’s not as heated, not as tension filled, not as obviously passionate. But it’s so sweet, so romantic, so tender. And for once, it’s actually real. And filled with all the love they feel for one another.  

For me, this is the perfect first real kiss for Tim and Lucy. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top. Just the two of them enjoying themselves outside in front of a food truck in a super sweet and yet romantic setting. And no matter how many times I’ve seen this scene already, somehow it gets even sweeter with time. 

We’ve only gotten a tiny glimpse into the Chenford dating-era, but we can see throughout the entire episode that they’re still their bickering, teasing selves. And I love that for them. And here’s a semi-lengthy explanation as to why. 

Every once in a while, my mind just wanders to little Tim never getting the kind of love from his father that he deserved. How is a child supposed to know they’re worthy of love if they have to endure so much pain and abuse? 

He thought he’d found it in Isabel. But she broke his heart, too. She left him in pieces, arguably even more broken than ever before. 

Every relationship has given him reason to think he’s unlovable. That he’s not worthy. I admire this guy for risking his heart again with Lucy. Because it’s been used and abused so many times before. 

There’s always so much wonder in his eyes when he looks at her because a part of him still doesn’t fully believe that this kindhearted, empathetic ball of sunshine actually likes him as much as he likes her. 

And there’s the relief that he’s finally found the right person. The one who will love him unconditionally. The one who already does. The one who gets him like no one else has before. The one who doesn’t give up on him. The one who takes care of him even when he doesn’t want and has never asked her to. 

And Lucy. She hasn’t had an easy childhood either. Yes, it was completely different from Tim’s, but she has her own scars from the emotional trauma inflicted by her parents who’ve always made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. 

She said it herself once. Nothing she’s ever done was enough. Not her grades, her friends, her boyfriends, her professional choices, or any choice at all, it seems. 

And with her romantic partners it’s also been pretty devastating. No, she was never as invested as she could’ve been, because she’s never actually been in love. But there’s still some form of trauma from that, too. 

So letting herself love and be loved is as difficult for her as it is for Tim. And yet, it happened. Because Tim has never made her feel like she’s not enough. Yes, he constantly challenged her and made her doubt herself as a rookie, but that was necessary in order for her to become a good cop. It was to help her be better, not belittle her like her parents did. 

She’s basically been taught to second guess every decision she’s ever made since she was a child. But Tim’s let her learn to believe in herself and her abilities. “You don’t let anyone ever tell you you can’t do something,” he said to her on her last day of training.  

Because he knows she’s capable. It took some time, but he’s learned to trust her abilities and her choices. He’s simply learned to trust her. With everything. And more than he’s ever trusted anyone else before. 

Sure, they’ve had their ups and downs, and he’s been an ass toward her in the beginning when he was lost, but ultimately, she knows she can trust him with everything, too. 

Because, just like she is for him, he’s the one who gets her like no one has before. Who takes care of her no questions asked. Who believes in her. Who doesn’t give up on her. Who loves her in a way she’s never been loved before. 

They both have enough reasons to not let themselves trust anyone with their heart. And yet, here they are, together. Completely at ease and truly happy for the first time in forever, maybe their whole lives.  

Because they’ve earned each other’s trust; tiny brick by tiny brick by tiny brick, they’ve let themselves trust each other and fall in love.

Finally, they’re with the one person who they can be themselves with. Who won’t judge. Who will support them and stay by their side no matter what. Who they can trust wholeheartedly. Who accepts and loves them the way they are. They’re finally with their person. They don’t have to change to be and make each other inexplicably happy. 

If soulmates do exist, Tim and Lucy definitely found theirs in each other. And I admire them for doing this together.

My everlasting gratitude to everyone who took some time out of their day to read, comment, reblog and/or like my Chenford thesis on 5x08. You’ve made it so much easier for me to use my recently found inspiration and keep writing. I hope this lives up to expectations and you enjoy this as much as the one for 5x08. And as always, a special thank you to @escapismqueen for her patience as I complained about my writer’s block (wow, I can actually say that now), asked questions about grammar because English is confusing, and for encouraging me to keep writing in the first place. Hope this is a nice little surprise for you tonight. 

[that-ari-blogger]

Unconventional (Happy Day In Hell)

When I set out to write this series, I was initially prepared to analyse Hazbin Hotel episode by episode, in the same way as my coverage of The Owl House and She-Ra, but I don’t think that does the musical justice at all.

The story is compressed to a boiling point, and each episode has so much happening in it that the posts would invariably be split in two anyway under the weight of stuff to talk about.

So instead, I will be discussing the songs themselves, and how they push the story forward. This series is dense, and I will try to cover all of the plotlines I can, but I am limiting the analysis to those songs, for the most part, there are a few individual scenes that need dwelling upon.

So, with that in mind, let’s look at Happy Day in Hell and how it positions the story as a satire of and the antithesis for everything Disney.

Let me explain.

CONTENT WARNING: This is the start of a series on Hazbin Hotel. There will be discussion of almost everything that happens in that musical, so I highly recommend you check out the content warnings that apply to the show. For now, put simply, there will be foul language, as well as discussion of sex, violence, and abuse. Please heed the warnings.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Hazbin Hotel, Moana, Wicked, Beauty and the Beast)

Happy Day In Hell is the “I want” song of the series. Think of How Far I’ll Go, from Moana, but let’s take apart the differences there.

Moana wants to explore the world and make her home better by going out and seeking new horizons. Her story is a solo one, about personal betterment and connection to her past through her self. Charlie wants to make her home better by staying here and better people’s lives in a more tangible way.

As such, How Far I’ll Go positions Moana as a misfit in a perfect place.

“I know everybody on this island seems so happy on this island Everything is by design I know everybody on this island has a role on this island So maybe I can roll with mine”

Moana’s otherness comes from her internal struggle. She wants to indulge in her curiosity. Everyone thinks she is one of them, but she can’t square the role with her own desires.

Meanwhile, Charlie is convinced that everyone shares her mindset. She loves her home and thinks that she can make it better to live in with everyone else’s help. The problem is, she’s not positioned as right in this song. Everyone thinks she is crazy, and she is literally singing about hell.

“There's a warm, fuzzy feelin' that wafts through the air Every street so revealing, it's hard not to stare It's a realm so appealing, it beats anywhere If you don't mind the smell It's a happy day in hell”

So, Charlie’s home is an acquired taste, but she is attached to it, and she sings about how it makes her feel. Contrast what she is saying with her experience.

Charlie walks through what could well be an active warzone. The smell she mentions is that of a corpse. But Charlie is oblivious, right?

Well, not entirely. Charlie is aware of everything going on and reacts with horror to horrifying things and with discomfort to less horrifying things.

Which brings me to my thesis for the musical.

Hazbin Hotel is about redemption, sure, but its also about disentangling naivety from hope. The Charlie who sings this song is singing about a place that doesn’t exist. Hell isn’t what she thinks it is. Her hope is naïve, at this point.

Except, that isn't entirely correct, it's kinda true, but there's more going on here. Hold this thought.

"I can hear all their stories, the lost and displaced and I know that they're more of an aquired taste If I open the door and I give them a place at my Hazbin Hotel"

Charlie does see Hell for what it is, but she focuses in on the idea that everyone has a reason for doing what they're doing, and that anyone can be better. She's an optimist.

The point of the series is Charlie coming to terms with what Hell actually is and redeeming sinners doesn’t mean making them more like Heaven, instead it means making Hell better for what it is. She becomes wiser over the course of the story, but that hope never fades.

The song actually presents a reason for this blind spot, heaven’s genocide.

The song implies that the reason Charlie’s motivation is “make Hell more like Heaven” is the fear of retribution. The song sets up the stakes really well for what happens should Charlie fail. The series may be a comedy, but it treats topics like genocide with the seriousness that they need.

Which leads me to my point about this song. The song is entirely setup. The series’ main flaw is its limited runtime, which messes with the pacing something savage and is categorically not the writers’ fault. I blame the Amazon execs who quantified art into a monetary scale, and whichever bastard decided on the eight-episode season that is also wreaking havoc with Doctor Who at the moment. But the effect is there.

Every medium has its benefits. But I challenge you to pull this shot off in live action.

So, Happy Day In Hell does a lot to negate this by setting up the themes and plot points that the series will specialise in. Notably, the clash of Charlie’s dream of bettering people’s lives against the threat of invasion, as well as the pseudo-biblical imagery.

This is reflected in the music itself. Most obviously, the song changes tempo several times to foreshadow the rollercoaster pacing, but in a more subtle way, the melody holds up the idea of hope.

I want to prefix this by saying that musical notation is not really my specialty. Part of why this blog exists is as a way for me to teach myself these, so bear with me on this. If you know better than me, please correct me in the replies.

As Charlie opens the song, her part emphasises key words to ground itself at the start of each bar. Those being “do”, “know”, the first syllable of “Heaven”, and “plans”. The notes on these remain stable on a repeated C as she reassures herself with what she knows, before her high reaching dreams are represented by the A on “Heaven”, and she roots herself back down with the B for “plans” and she prepares to keep dreaming. It’s a stable loop that allows for optimism as it rises and will repeat itself until something changes.

Speaking of which, the second phrase is the same exact progression, with the exception that it resolves to G instead as Charlie starts to gain momentum. This is also represented by the note length, with the final note being much slower and pensive than the rest of the phrase, until Charlie is finally in the moment and off on her journey.

And we have our first tempo change, rising in pace to match Charlie’s ambition and accompany the crowd singing along, and this is the most Disney part of the song.

The chorus, in reference to those who aren’t the main characters, exists in songs like this to tell the audience what the general consensus is. For example, in Wicked, the chorus reacts with joy to the death of the Wicked Witch, and so the audience can generally assume that the rest of Oz is pretty happy as well.

Disney loves having chorus members sing along to set the scene for their stories, be it Beauty and the Beast’s villagers singing about Belle in a song named after her, or Where You Are from Moana.

The difference here, is the denizens of Hell are talking about how awful their lives are, and how they are accustomed to violence and death. It’s a subversion.

You may notice that the scene setting song and the "I want" song are usually distinct numbers, but Hazbin Hotel doesn’t have time for that. Like I said, this musical is dense.

Before I finish up, I want to mention one word that changes Charlie’s entire character for me. “Fuck”. More specifically:

“Today is gonna be a fuckin’ happy day in hell”.

I am not usually one for cursing in writing. I usually deem it as wasted space that could have been better achieved through cinematography or acting or just any other word. This is honestly rather hypocritical of me, considering my own vernacular.

But, I don’t see that problem here. Here, the word accentuates Charlie’s perseverance and the intensity of her dream. The song’s name stops going from a hope and becomes a threat. Charlie doesn’t think that Hell will get better, she is going to make it better.

This one-word changes Charlie from naïve to relentless, and it reframes what hope is about. Because fundamentally, Charlie is hopeful. She has no reason to believe her dream will work, that’s why she needs hope, and that’s what she needs to inspire in others.

Philosophy is often attributed to great works, but the quote that best exemplifies Charlie comes from the least likely of places, X (the website formerly known as Twitter), and a user called Crowsfault:

"People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider’s webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of the cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go."

Final Thoughts

To those for whom this is my first post, helo. I'm Ari, I do analysis about things I like and things I don't from a storytelling standpoint. These are my opinions, and I am not to be taken as an authority on anything.

I love Hazbin Hotel so much, despite its many flaws. This series isn’t for everyone, but it is something I enjoyed, and something I want to talk about.

And there is something to that. Every piece of media has an audience, and Hazbin Hotel feels like it was written directly for tumblr. It critiques the internet as a whole, and its propensity to see things as black and white. Lets be clear, the first redeemed sinner was Sir Pentious, a character who began his story as a villain. But the show is also catered to an audience that will take it apart, and to me at least, Tumblr is the place where people do that.

Even the design and art style are Tumblr coded.

This is why I find LavenderTowne’s redesigns so interesting. They are an exploration of what might happen if the show was written for a slightly different audience with different expectations and standards, and I will be talking about the second of those videos in a post coming soon.

Next week, however, I will be covering Hell Is Forever and the introduction of Heaven. So stick around if that interests you.

Next

[highfantasy-soul]

NATLA Episode 6 - Masks (5/5)

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]

An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.

Of course, full spoilers ahead.

<previous/next>

After Zuko's painful flashback, we get the animated series' convo between Aang and Zuko from the Blue Spirit episode - I like closing with this bit as it has built naturally from the conversation earlier. Instead of Aang just randomly telling Zuko he thinks they could have been friends out of the blue, he's built a connection with Zuko - they've humanized themselves to each other, so the comment about friendship actually makes sense.

I think the live-action did a really good job taking great concepts from the animated series and fleshing them out to make them more organic rather than a blunt 'here's the lesson, kids' thesis statement that comes out of the blue and you just need to take on faith because it's a kid's show and you just accept the leap of logic for the sake of the story (Katara claiming she's Aang's 'family' in episode 3 of the animated series vs her telling him that at the end of the live-action season after they've, you know, actually built a familial foundation with each other).

And just like the animated series, Zuko can't take the compassion, the kindness, the nudging toward a softer future, and just blasts with his firebending, pushing Aang away. He knows it won't really hurt Aang, it's not actually a strike to incapacitate, it's a blow to ward off any sign of weakness or 'humanity'.

The follow-up flashback with Ozai talking to Zuko as he's 'recovering' was such a good addition. Ozai GENUINELY believes he's doing a good thing for his son. He GENUINELY thinks he's helping. Again, I love the complexity they're giving Ozai and Zuko's relationship where there actually IS a chance that Zuko could get in his father's good graces - honestly, that makes his turn to join Team Avatar that much more impactful. It's not a 'well I was never going to get the approval from my father anyways' decision, it truly was a 'I could have had it all, but it wasn't right'.

To me, that's what made the OG redemption arc so good: Zuko DID choose to 'get everything he ever wanted' and turned away after he was secure in that - but there was still that little lingering knowledge that Ozai really never would actually accept him - it was all a ploy. The live-action strengthened that thread with making it so that Ozai really could accept him - it's a real thing Zuko would be giving up rather than a shallow imitation of 'acceptance' the animation gave Ozai and Zuko.

Ozai insisting that Zuko needs to be able to give up the weak in order to preserve the strong is such an interesting beat to keep hammering home with Ozai and his world view. He's obsessed with his own version of 'strength' and I honestly think there's a lot of trauma for him around that idea. When Zuko argues that the weak can become strong, I think that it actually shakes Ozai, that's why he lashes out in anger at that comment - just like Zuko does when Aang tells him that he can be better than what the fire nation is right now. Ozai mentions Zuko's mom and I think it terrifies him, the idea that the 'weak' can become strong - I think Ozai has been taught that either you're strong or you're weak, it's innate and unchangeable. He can't imagine he's created a weak child, so Zuko MUST be naturally strong, he's just been too sheltered so it hasn't been able to come out yet.

The idea that what Ozai thought was fundamental could actually change I think shifts Ozai's entire world view. If he accepts that, then it would mean all his 'sacrificing of the weak' would have been incorrect even by his own logic - and I think it could tie back to Ursa, his wife, as well. I hope we get more on her and Ozai's actual dynamic in season 2 as it was something I felt was lacking from the OG show. Ozai, I believe is struggling as to where, actually, to place Ursa on his 'weak' or 'strong' hierarchy and it's destabilizing to him. He has to keep up the idea that the strong are strong the weak are weak and it's just the natural order of the world that the fire nation is on top - because it means they're inherently strong and that cannot change.

AAAHHHHHHH the 41st reveal!!!!!!!!! Just, the genius of that move - the layers, the angst, the connection Zuko and the crew now naturally have - it's just so good. Zuko is surrounded by evidence reminding him of the biggest failure in his father's eyes - the reason he was punished right before him. Of course he's going to harbor resentment, then extra anger when they don't treat him with respect due to his resenting them. Of course he's going to have so many conflicting feelings about being surrounded by the people whose lives he saved - at the cost of his home, his dignity, and his father's love.

He didn't intentionally set out to sacrifice all that to save their lives, but his actions led to that outcome anyways and I think that's such an interesting take to have on a 'sacrifice to save lives' story. Zuko was just doing what he thought was right. He was trying to save people, and he took his actions not having a clue what it would cost him. It's not a cut and dry - I saw something bad happening and willingly took the consequence to save them, it's much more complex than that - a complex story where the one who unwittingly gave the sacrifice learns that it truly was a sacrifice and not a punishment. Someone who was forced into a 'hero' position who has to grow and change in order to fit into that hero mold their actions have already put them in. It's just a really fascinating angle to show a heroic act.

I've seen some issues about the 41st being Zuko's assigned crew, so I wanted to address that: I assumed that all Fire Nation military was the navy. They're an island nation and every single Fire Nation military group we see are on or from ships - and we see presumably the same soldiers operating the ship as we do on the war rhinos when they come ashore. So I didn't think it was odd at all that the battalion that was about to be sacrificed in a land assault was also the one running the ship. I also don't think it 'cheapens' Zuko's sacrifice or makes it so that it was a…idk, story choice that said 'see, it's justified what all happened'. Definitely didn't see Ozai's convo with Zuko after being burned as the writers saying 'see, all this is justified and we should see good logic in Ozai's choice here' - it was very clearly still framed as bad? Yeah, Ozai thinks he's doing the right thing, but like, media literacy y'all.

Ugh, Lieutenant Jee and the rest of the crew showing Zuko the respect a crown prince would usually get right after one of Zuko's greatest 'failures' of a mission. Zuko is confused at Aang's compassion toward him, angry that he's poking holes in his world view, and crawling back on board after having lost the Avatar once again - and being greeted with love and care and respect. "Our prince has returned" - It's not the home Zuko thinks he needs to return to, but it IS the home he and the crew have made for themselves over the past 3 years. It's a place he's being welcomed back to while he's still thinking the goal is to get back to the fire nation. Such a good message that unfortunately, Zuko doesn't see quite yet, but each little step in the right direction counts.

Again, linking the ending monologue back to EVERY character in the show - this time the narrative having drawn so many parallels to how Zuko retains his mask and then showing how his father reacts the same way - showing that Ozai is wearing a mask too, just one that's been welded onto him through many more years. This was truly Zuko's episode - and it's his mask that needs to slip the most - or rather, for him to realize that the Blue Spirit that saved Aang and connected with him wasn't the mask at all, but rather what could be his true face.

I really, really liked the alterations from the animated series they did in this episode. Yes, having Zuko fight his father in the Agni Kai was a HUGE change, having his father be more than a cold and distant disapproving figure was VERY different, but I think this is what the showrunners meant when they said they were taking a more 'mature' and 'GOT' tone with this adaptation: they were adding depth and nuance to the 'villains' and making them more grounded in reality than the heightened villainy of the animated series. Older kids (and adults) can handle seeing a villain have complex interactions - they can understand that even though Ozai BELIEVES he's doing the right thing by Zuko, that he ISN'T ACTUALLY (ok, some of us can see that, others seem to think the show was saying Ozai is good, actually but that's an issue with them and their media literacy, not with the writing of the show that expects the audience to have critical thinking skills).

Anyways, it was a fantastic episode and has provided much content for my essay about live-action Ozai that I'm writing.

[likeabxrdinflight]

I definitely miss when the crown was more political, but I guess they were too scared to touch the politics of the 90s and 2000s too much, given it's all still very recent. tony blair really could have been a much more prominent character given how much they highlighted figures like churchill and thatcher and even anthony eden in previous seasons. some of the bigger historical moments are handwaved away too, when JFK and the suez crisis and aberfan and even the fog from the 1950s got entire episodes. it's very odd to me that there wasn't a 9/11 or iraq episode that dealt with how the fallout of all that was handled for blair. honestly it could have been two episodes at least, and previous seasons would have done it. they gave the suez crisis like, three or four episodes. thatcher got several dedicated to her and the falklands and managed to balance that with the diana story just fine.

the past two seasons really became the diana show, however, and the entire thing suffered for it. the main subject, elizabeth herself, was relegated to a background character. imelda staunton just didn't get the material to work with that her predecessors did. it really felt like the show lost some of its teeth. and like, yes, elizabeth debicki did incredible as diana, but lord they dragged that story out far too long and ultimately I think the show suffered for it. they let the interpersonal drama between charles, diana, and camilla consume everything else and the show really lost something of itself for it. even diana herself gets kind of screwed over for this- her story becomes about her failed marriage and relationship drama, and not any of the other incredible things she did with her life.

all that said, this last batch of episodes were still a lot better than season five and six part one. it finally put the focus back on elizabeth and gave imelda something to do. the margaret episode was incredible. there was at least some return of the politics, albeit I still think they missed the mark with blair. but I think the show ends on an interesting note, one I think a lot of people felt at the time of the actual queen's death- that the show's over, and it's never going to be the same after her. whatever becomes of the real monarchy, it's not going to be the same. elizabeth held that shit together with sheer force of will and glue, and I have my doubts that it will still be intact at the end of my lifetime- I think peter morgan does, too, though he seems a bit sadder about it than I am.

also I am positive the last couple scenes, and possibly a good chunk of that last episode, were re-written and shot after the real elizabeth died. but what they did with that was...I could see some people finding it tacky, but I thought it was nice. so while I think the last two seasons were overall weaker, it mostly stuck the landing. good show, interesting reflection on the monarchy, had it's issues, but good, generally. made you think a bit.

and I will say, and I've said this before, that the show is overall a bit wishy-washy on its opinion of the monarchy. I think that's still true. but it very much is, and always was, about the way the crown kills the people who get too close to it. and this last season was no different- I've said before that season one was about the slow death of a young woman named elizabeth windsor, murdered by elizabeth regina.

season six outright states that, and in many ways, I think that was the thesis of the entire show. the crown kills the personhood of the one who wears it and harms everyone in its immediate vicinity. what that means, exactly, and whether there's a good purpose behind it, might be left up to the viewer to decide.

[talesfromthebandgeekmafia]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god too much to process I’m about to fucking cry I never cry at tv man THEY LEFT THEM IN AN INN 😭 PETE & LUCIUS GOT MARRIED. WHILE ED LOOKED AT STEDE. the whole crew—well not the whole crew. Izzy oh my god fuck man. They gave him the fucking thesis of the show. Our Flag Does Mean Fucking Death 🏳️‍🌈 our love for eachother and the community we’ve built will both outlive and tear down all of the walls that forced us to the margins

The fucking monkey’s paw got me man I was just thinking today about how my initial season 2 predictions ended with Izzy succumbing to his hubris and bitterness and dying for it I DIDNT KNOW. I DIDNT KNOW HOW HE’D TURN IT AROUND! Ah Fuck 😭 gonna try not to think about him at Calypso’s Birthday. He was so happy and at peace with himself. He finally had a real home and a community. He was a good first mate. He was part of the family. He died apologizing for making Ed feel like he couldn’t be loved and assuring him he was with his hand on his face saying ‘there he is’ but this time it’s Ed not Blackbeard 🥺 Rest In Peace darling Unicorn man I did not expect to end up loving you so much <3

but yeah pushing that gutwrenching tragedy aside for a second (wait nevermind actually because I just realized Izzy got shot in the right side aka the one which according to this show’s logic has all the important bits in it FUCK—) the entire crew is back on The Revenge PLUS Zheng and MOTHERFUCKIN SPANISH JACKIE!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT SPANISH JACKIE REGULAR CREW MEMBER POSSIBILITIES NEXT SEASON????? Fuck me even if our hard work doesn’t pan out (#renew as a crew) and we don’t get our third season I could live with this ending. Ed and Stede are happily retired fixing up an inn, they both know they love eachother, the rest of the crew is off together doing their pirate thing but still able to pop back and visit whenever. Though Ricky when they catch you Ricky you son of a bitch istg. Little weasel. Demeans Jackie, tries to wipe out an entire culture because they didn’t let him play pirate, assumes (of fucking course) that a white man is the real power behind Blackbeard’s glory not Ed’s tactical genius and martial skill. Murders Izzy putting a damper on an otherwise badass scene where everyone looks fucking incredible in their fancy matching coats.

I can’t with Our Flag Means Death man. Despite budget cuts and less episodes they fucking did it again. I know I’ve said it before but I seriously cannot understate how much ofmd means to me. What a season, everything I’d hoped for and more from my favorite show <3

[artbyblastweave]

Just finished off The Magicians (the syfy adaptation, in case there was any confusion). Was told to expect something godawful; was actually pleasantly surprised, in the sense that this is the only time I’ve seen a show like this semi-competently wrap everything up in a normal-length season finale that comes on the tail of one of their basically-could-have-been-in-the-middle-of-an-earlier-season Wacky Heist Plots. It was a shitshow but not Rise-of-Skywalker levels. It should have been much more viscerally unpleasant than it was.

Structurally I feel like one of the show’s biggest problems was that they never really worked out what to do with Quentin, their erstwhile protagonist; Conceptually, he’s interesting because he’s meh. He’s Harry Potter if Harry Potter’s childhood was conventionally shitty, middle-of-the-road suburbia shitty, and there’s an interesting statement wrapped up in how his unwavering love of the fantasy series of his childhood is validated (it was all very literally real!) but he himself isn’t necessarily exceptional, he’s the “chosen one” not by birthright but by virtue of groundhog day shenanigans where the people who instigated the loop keep trying to steer him into not getting everyone killed, he’s kind of a fuckup and a burnout who keeps learning that escape isn’t and can’t be what he needs it to be. All of which worked really well for me in the first season. 

But to synthesize a lot of meandering misgivings I have with his character arc.... you can only push the disillusionment line so far before he basically gets that being the chosen one is a bogus concept and that fantasy novels aren’t a life roadmap... and from there he’s basically just constantly putting out emergent fires, and I never felt like there was necessarily a thesis with his character- the bones of one, rattling around, the obvious parallels he has with the first-season Big Bad as an obsessive looking for an escape, but never quite realized. And without looking it up, his death feels like the kind of thing where the actor wanted to leave the show and the writers had to grit their teeth and make do. 

All of this leading to a situation where, in the final Quentinless season, it’s very strange because the cast is objectively now composed entirely of cast members I found more interesting and charming and funnier on their face than Quentin, and they’re throwing in a lot of meta-level elbows to the rib about how it was never really Quentin’s story exclusively, right, these characters are strong enough to carry it themselves, but there’s undeniably something missing, for all his deliberate mediocrity. Well, that’s kind of it, isn’t it? Deliberately trying to cultivate mediocrity in a character in order to make a point, but then not springboarding to something more complicated than that, at least not in a way I found satisfying. I mean if you start cracking jokes about how you don’t really need your mediocre white male protagonist that badly, and then you demonstrate that you’re basically right.... that’s kind of an implicit condemnation of the four seasons you spent with this guy as the lead, isn’t it? The bottom should fall out of your show, actually, if you remove the protagonist. Pick a guy who is the center of the story, with a good reason for that. Or keep the haves-and-have-nots dual-life-path-with-the-childhood-friend thing going further. I dunno. I respect their attempted pivot into an ensemble thing but it didn’t quite land.

(Also I didn’t like the Penny-23/Penny-40 situation. It was like they couldn’t figure out a satisfying direction for Penny 40 so they pseudo-kill him and replace him with a version whose character development occurred in a doomed timeline. Other things could have happened there!)

But, broadly speaking, I did like it moment to moment. There was never a single moment that I was watching the show and wanted to not be, never a single moment where I was not entertained, very few jokes that I didn’t find entertaining. I think this might be what it’s like to watch an okay television program. Striking that balance where nothing you’re watching is too grotesquely uninteresting that you get up and walk away, even if the zoomed-out overarching narrative skeleton is one of those bizarre badly reconstructed fossil amalgamations borne out of the 1800s paleontological arms races. Interesting experience all around.