#it's the only way to go
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Also I know you said that Wilhelm probably wouldn’t be as close with Subaru due to Heinkel’s presence, but I’d like to think that he still thinks very fondly of Subaru as the one who made the fight against the Whale possible. Perhaps he decides to work to save his life as a form of repaying the debt? (Even while Subaru insists that he’s fine, please—)
I still personally really adore the idea of Subaru falling asleep right after the fight against he Whale because it was exhausting and scaring the crap out of Wilhelm and also the entire army. I know that technically doesn’t fit with the idea of Heinkel having sought him out due to rumors of his condition, but it’s such a funny alternative scene— or maybe Heinkel only found out because he’s like a bloodhound for information on Sleeping Diseases idk—
Absolutely!! Subaru and him interact less but he still 100% cares about Subaru and would try to save him!! The only thing all three Astrea have in common is that they all want to save Subaru lmao.
…yes, all three, because although Heinkel is only onboard to save Louanna, I imagine he would end up working with the Emilia Camp instead of the Priscilla Camp here (Emilia can also help him get the Dragon’s Blood after all?) and Subaru is a bit like fungus, grows on you after a while.
In canon, he kinda sees Schult as the “son he never had” so in this case, he sees Subaru as that L M A O. Or maybe his pet rat. That’s also accurate. Poor Rein either way.
As Subaru is “ill” I imagine most people (including Wilhelm!) would insist Subaru shouldn't be present during the whale fight. OFC Subaru is not skipping that, so he would go either way. And Subaru also doesn’t like looking weak, so i 100% imagine he would try to sleep a little *before* the whale hunt so as to not give them any other reason to call him that.
Of course, this would be the exact moment in which Wilhelm and Crusch go fetch him to talk about some Classified Information… Wilhelm would be uncomfortable af at seeing him sleeping peacefully, Crusch would be having war trauma (Fourier!) and Heinkel would be scoffing and muttering something like: “You dipshits, he is sleeping, not dead.” while sitting next to Subaru’s bed.
(About your other Ask i havent replied to yet— You do raise a good point OP. Reinhard's scene WAS a good scene...OKAY... won't write it rn because I have an important deadline soon and I really can't write when stressed, not even short scenes, but I shall try writing it later (in two weeks or so?) when I have more free time (I'm starting a new job :D). If i do manage to write something interesting I shall post it as a reply to your other ask instead of in Ao3 though! Will be tagging all No Rest for The Wicked stuff under that tag now so you can find the ask easily when i post. No idea how anon asks work lmao)
#fanfic ask#No Rest For The Wicked#The Astrea Drama is endless...#every verse must have Astrea drama#it's the only way to go#re zero#re: zero
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I can behave normally around books
#shitpost#anyway guess who brought home 24 new books today?#if you guessed me. well. you would be correct#in my defense I only bought 5#for a combined total of usd#where’d the number go. it was 17 usd#the rest were from me going through what my dad was getting rid of for space and claiming it for myself#but either way#24 in one day is a personal record I think#also I do fully intend to read all of these it’s not hoarding for hoardings sake
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ok not to be that guy but like. labor rights and working class rights can coexist with 24h services and late amenities. its certainly hard to do so without worker exploitation in this political and social environment, it’s not a conflict likely to resolve overnight. but 24h services are important and especially valuable to those of us that are disabled or are on a different circadian rhythm. in fact more professional, health, and government services should be available or at least possible to work on asynchronously (if applicable) during late or odd hours, while workers also get sufficient pay for their labor and proper consistent scheduling. this would be much easier on the workers with night schedules if the entire professional world didn’t grind to a halt at 5pmEST
#just like. it doesn’t have to be this way#the number of people I’ve talked to who would absolutely do a night schedule if it didn’t suck ass because you can never get anything done#like. go to the doctor. without waking up at your equivalent of 2am to make their latest afternoon slot#the sleep deprivation of trying to keep a normal schedule and trying to get stuff done sometimes on my natural schedule are like#the same. I started getting fevers any time I stayed up longer than 14 hours bc I had to do it so often to make appts#it’s only a little better now because I’ve been strict with a schedule that’s somewhere in the middle#so I at least have 2 hours to try and do stuff before the entire country fucks off to bed#.txt
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quiz enjoyers! i am now inviting you to come create something in my workshop❕
#new bracken quiz just dropped!!#only took me like three hours actually. kind of impressive#for the way that i write quizzes. i will go 'let me write a piece of short fiction' and then expect to do it in one sitting#I DID IT TONIGHT THOUGH. almost 2000 words in the document. crazy shit#anyway um. what if i told you all that this one is normal for sure. nice normal regular quiz that will be nice to you#i won't pinky promise but you are free to believe me if you want <3#uquiz#my uquizzes#my quizzes#uquiz quiz#uquizzes#uquiz link#quiz link#quizzes#quiz#is there a tag for fucked up narrative/poetry based quizzes. how do i get that to the target audience#^ guy who has been spending this whole time cultivating the target audience
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dr robby and the terrible horrible no good very bad day

#the way this is only like half the stuff going on too 😭😭😭#catch my guy on the roof next week#the pitt
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in
#viktor#arcane#ig my assumption would be that he wears both simultaneously cause in the scene where he injects the shimmer#it seems implied that he just threw off his clothes and kept experimenting#so one might assume he was already wearing the smaller one underneath#tho it is a funny image to think of him just being like 'one sec i gotta go all the way home and grab my other brace to do this'#he can take off the back brace too cause hes not wearing it in the scene where he's in the hospital bed and you can see his shoulder#where the strap would be#but that one seems to make even less sense functionality wise#everything looks like its screwed together#or screwed INTO him#but only the top bolts on his spine are i think#in the close ups of his back brace model it looks like theres cushioning underneath the parts of it that cover the rest of his spine#so he can take it off. but HOW#what parts of it unscrew/detatch to pull open and off#does it not do that at all and he just has to shimmy it off his shoulder and all the way down his legs to get it off like a romper#the shape language of the designs are cool but like. tell me how it wooorrkkksss#forgive me if im just dumb and dont know at all how braces work and theres a very simple practical explanation for all this#any king who wants to infodump about mobility aids at me....the floor is yours#something to be said i suppose about the fact that zaunites have crazy prosthetics with wild augmentations that work flawlessly#and piltover's like. idk heres some fucking uncomfortable ass metal. salo gets wheelchair in non ada compliant place#they havent ever needed to adapt to accommodate disabilities etc etc#or maybe artists were just like 'heres a design' and everybody clapped and didnt give it a second thought#and then they just turned off the visibility on the mesh when they didnt need it knowing thered not be a scene where its taken off#dont even wanna THINK about what that rig would look like#like 40 different controllers#soft body and rigid hard surfaces needing to move together....#a cold chill just shot up my spine#<- guy who is only an animator and doesnt know how to rig#forgive the magic wand tool with zero cleanup. i am lazy
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Everyone at G.U.N. is freaking out because Stone suddenly vanished.
#stobotnik#agent stone#doctor ivo robotnik#sonic movie universe#his own shoujo filter#to be clear robotnik knows stone will save him even if he doesn't do this#but he also knows that stone will save him with more violence if he does#so he saves this little trick for particularly annoying kidnappers#i firmly believe ivo is not above acting pathetic to get what he wants#this is just another way to manipulate people!#only works on stone though#walters seeing that video: oh no not again#agent stone i know you want to go save him but we have to wait for-#he left didn't he
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every day i wake up and am mad at the end of steves storyline and the full and complete lack of people who GET IT
#steve rogers#stucky#captian america#bucky barnes#captain america the first avenger#peggy litterally found steve alone in a destroyed bar after bucky “died” trying to get drunk or drink himself to death#blameing himself for bucks death#then peggs goes and says “allow barnes the dignity of his choice” in reference to him falling from the train#THEN when steve is gonna crash the carrier#BRO LITTERALLY SAYS “THIS IS MY CHOICE”#GIRL WE GET IT#you couldnt stand being without him so you decided the only way to join him was in death#but he knew it would be seen as heroic to die that way#THERE WERE OTHER WAYS TO LIVE AND SAVE THE WORLD#but he chose the one that let him claim martyrdom#n e ways#i would and will eventually write many essays about them but for now i am gonna go back to pretending to do homework#also if anyone has fic recs gimme
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it’s our turn to make you smile
#It’s the way that all of these kids admire Deku the same way Izuku Katsuki and Shoto all looked up to all might sobs#this is my way of coping with the news that the manga is ending#but this is kind of a redraw of the first ever mha drawing I ever did you could probably find it here if you scroll far enough but dOnt#anyways Right after I finished binging the series back in 2020 I was so inspired to draw#MHA will always have a special place in my heart#it’s the series that not only got me back into art but also into digital art for the first time#so sad to see it go but excited to continue loving it even when it ends#bnha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#my art#mha#midoriya izuku#deku#bnha fanart#deku fanart#eri fanart#Deku and eri#eri#Kota#katsuma shimano#mahoro shimano#Katsuma Mahoro#Deku and kids#Deku and Kota#mha fanart#boku no hero academia fanart#my hero academia fanart
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#p5r#persona 5 protagonist#akechi goro#IM FREEEE IM FREEE IM FREEEEE#IT ONLY TOOK 24 HOURS AND THEN SOME AND 2 MONTHS OF SANITY!!!!!!#im never drawing anything like this again ill be going bsck to 3/4 bust up 0 backgrounds.#persona 5#shuake#ANYWAY. listened to a lot of picture you by chapp3ll roan while drawing this…#and like the correlation isnt there but i think abt all the mutual things….joker bringing rival up twice and akechi being shocked#my art#doodle#doodles#and the way at the end akc thinks that joker wished him back because of pity 😔#do you picture me like i picture you am i in the frame of your point of view…#joker being the only person akc trusts and relies on but is it the same….is it all just pity…..#ANYWAYYYYYYY my sanity! gone! i have to go study for my test now and alllll my hw and honey im home day art
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Bruce tries to adopt Ellie, who is immediately against it. She keeps throwing him off her trail and he keeps tracking her down. She's honestly concerned, and normally she would handle her problems by herself- but this is Batman.
So when Bruce gets a little too close and Ellie is just so tired... she calls for Danny.
"Mom!"
Cue college student, perpetually tired and overworked Danny "High King Phantom" Fenton appearing from the very shadows Batman normally does himself, seeing the situation and going off at this "clearly older man" chasing his daughter in the middle of the night.
Cue the most elaborate "stop trying to adopt my kid before I adopt yours" series of battles
#danny phantom#dc comics#batfam#batman#dani fenton#danny fenton#bruce wayne#dc x dp#ellie fenton#feel like ellie would be deaged in this one#while danny allows her to travel freely he has a check in system for her#as well as periods she has to come visit so she can go to doctors appointments or for holidays#he also forced vlad to help set up her human identity and she has online schooling#feel like everytime someone in the batfam tries to get info from danny or ellie on how they came to be they both are incredibly vague#but in a way that sets vlad in a really bad light#they dont mention the cloning they just phrase it as “vlad took advantage of danny when he was younger and ellie was the result”#danny complains often about child support and how vlad “still tries to make family ties”#ellie just says vlad lies and its why she consider danny her only parent
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I wish we could have met in some other way.
Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates
If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3
Still frames/Individual gifs:


If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way
#death note#dn#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#oh god here we go#death note jdrama#death note 2015#death note 2006#death note musical#lctw#l change the world#dntm#lawlightweek2024#my art#collapses i am NEVER putting this much effort in one piece ever again /hj this was the Only one i had mostly prepared in advance#ironically the most painstaking part about making this entire thing was converting the images into an animated file#that wasn't either horrifically compressed or just. wouldn't loop. why do gifs have to look so BAD it's so inconvenient#and THEN i realized I had to forcibly Stitch the two animations together so they would actually be synced and it wouldn't look dumb#and the end result is STILL so compressed. because Tumblr. uhhh just don't click on it it'll look so scuffed LOL. anyways#this is what i get for watching Every Adaptation of Death Note. i am a death note multiverse truther#usually i'd have something clever to say in the tags but. this drained the life out of me just uh.#yeah. they're doomed in every universe. this is the only way they could've met. they are doomed by their own natures and the#circumstances that surround them. there is no universe where light tries to prevent L's death. and even in the cases where L Doesn't die#there is no universe where L can save light. there is no universe where he can truly “catch” Kira and make him see where he went wrong#(<- if you read LCTW you know. :) )#in every universe and adaptation L will call Light his first friend. in some universes they'll take that notion more seriously than others#no matter what one of them will die due to the other. its the only constant. it's the only way it can ever be. they are the others downfall
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he won
bonus:
#oi oi don’t steal my tags i see u 🫵#svsss#mdzs#moshang#hualian#bingqiu#sqq u spoilt brat#binghe is def the best cook out of the three gongs i’m not saying this lightly#we know lwj can cook from the extras and i can only assume hc can cook bc the only thing he CANT do is write BUT:#xl enjoys cooking so ofc hc is gonna let him express himself culinarily#and wwx is a spice fanatic weirdo who wants to go live his m!lf dreams into the sunset#lwj will not get in the way of that#sqq however is perfectly content having bingmei cook his meals forever and never stepping into a kitchen#scum villian self saving system#scum villain#mo dao zu shi#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#wangxian#mine#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#wei wuxian#lan wangji#xie lian#hua cheng#shang qinghua#mobei jun
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i really love how intensely Mirabelle reacts to act 5 Siffrin botched friendquest.
Isabeau is mostly operating out of concern and, eventually, hurt. he already knows something’s up before Siffrin gets to him. he knows something truly awful must be wrong for Siffrin to be lashing out like they are, and as soon as he can’t handle the situation anymore, he leaves and asks (with strained cheer) for time apart to cool off.
most of Bonnie’s anger comes from being upset and afraid that Siffrin would willingly put themself in danger for no reason, when that’s exactly why they’ve been so unsettled since the eye incident. they hate that Siffrin values their own life so little, they hate that they’re the cause of any pain or loss for him, and here he is, putting himself in that situation AGAIN. on purpose. it’s loud and explosive, but it’s familiar, too, being “hated” by Bonnie for this reason.
Odile pushes, and keeps pushing, until her concern overwhelms Siffrin and they strike where they know she’s most vulnerable. she gets physical, just for a moment, grabbing his collar before controlling herself and letting go. her fury shuts down into cold detachment, and she walks away.
but Mirabelle—dear, sweet, gentle, loving Mirabelle, “the most wonderful being on earth,” with her secret “ruthless side” that largely involves lightly badmouthing people behind their backs and then apologizing—slaps them. immediately.
and then COMPLETELY RENOUNCES THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
not just “we’re not friends anymore,” but “we were never friends in the first place.”
that’s!!! pretty extreme!!!!
of course, she ALSO starts by asking what’s wrong. something must have happened for him to act like this. but as soon as Siffrin brushes her off, she jumps past that line of questioning and dives headfirst into re-evaluating everything she thought she knew about them as a a person.
if he could say something like that to her and not see anything wrong with it, then she was wrong to treat him as a friend, wrong to read camaraderie into his teasing, wrong to think they must care about them all under their aloof demeanor.
that’s how Mirabelle phrases it—“I was wrong about you”—but i think that there’s a hidden layer of I was right about you, too.
she talks about the way they tease her like she had to convince herself that he was doing it in a friendly way. she says they talk like they “know better than her” like that’s a thought she’s had for a LONG time.
“Always soooo mysterious, Siffrin, always talking as if you're better than me! As if you know me!!! But you don't, Siffrin!!! You're just as lost and useless as I am!!! So stop!!! Talking!!! As if you know me!!!!!!”
none of this comes across as a new, sudden way to view Siffrin for her. it doesn’t shock or confuse her. it makes her angry, defensive, almost like she was waiting for something like this to happen at some point. the feeling of resentment, frustration, jealousy, being patronized and condescended to—this is something she’s been actively pushing down and rejecting this entire time, but they’ve given her ample reason for it all to boil to the surface. violently.
Mirabelle’s kindness is not inherent or easy. it’s a choice she’s making. she treats Siffrin warmly because she gives him the benefit of the doubt—refusing to act based on anxiety-fueled, cynical speculation, and reassuring herself that his actions are driven by care and friendship even if she can’t quite see it.
“I was wrong about you” doesn’t mean she always and without question believed them to be a fundamentally kind, caring person from the beginning—it’s that her first, colder instincts were right, and she was wrong to convince herself otherwise.
never mind that she asked what was wrong at first. she barely gives them time to speak in their own defense, to explain what they really meant by what they said. all of her suppressed doubts and frustrations are getting aired out now, now that all the trust she’d so deliberately placed in him has been betrayed. her pain feels bigger than this singular moment, so when she hurts him back, she makes sure it extends back through the entirety of their relationship for him, too.
“You're awful. You're not my friend, not my ally, not anything. You never were.”
like the others, she goes back to the clocktower and tells Siffrin not to come back until later. but there’s a finality to the way she ends this confrontation that isn’t quite there with the others. Isabeau and Odile reach their breaking point and remove themselves from the situation, asking for space to cool off but still somewhat leaving the door open for Siffrin to tell them what’s really going on at some point. Mirabelle is the only one who tries to fully cut ties—after everything else she says, her “I don’t want to see you until tonight” reads to me somewhat as “I don’t want to see you anymore unless I have to.”
I can’t wait to never see you again.
even back at the clocktower, Mirabelle doesn’t really defend Siffrin’s place in the party when Odile suggests leaving them behind out of concern for their trustworthiness on the most important day of the journey. Isabeau and Bonnie protest out of sentimentality and faith in Siffrin’s abilities and connection to them, and Mirabelle agrees, but…
“I agree, but... B-But would he even agree to come with us, still? Maybe they won't even come back tonight...”
she doesn’t say much outside of that. maybe the stutter and hesitation here are signs of regret about how things happened, but she lacks Isabeau and Bonnie’s confidence that Siffrin even wants to come back to them in the first place. she doesn’t trust that their bond was real anymore. maybe it never was in the first place, or maybe she broke whatever was there herself.
and she’s still mad when they finally catch up to Siffrin at the King! and she makes sure Siffrin knows that—after saving them, assuring him that he no longer needs to fight, that they’re all there for him. she still cares, of course she still cares—she’s still hurt, too, but they can figure that part out once there’s less world-ending stuff going on.
she’s the first to say that they all reserve the right to still be angry at Siffrin later—and that they’ve already forgiven him.
she’s also the first to say we want to stay with you, too. it’s not just you.

she was wrong! she thought they didn’t care but they care so much, it’s overwhelming, it’s world-ending.
i think she’s gonna be wallowing in guilt post-canon the moment she remembers what she said and did TO SIFFRIN and not just what Siffrin said to her. especially now that she knows Siffrin’s exact hangups, and especially especially if she figures out what Siffrin was trying to say.
they put themself through hell out of loneliness and fear that none of the others cared about him the way he cared about them, he was going insane from repetition and exhaustion and hunger and trying to keep them all safe and together, and all they did in the midst of all that was say something kind of mean to her one time (that turned out to not even be MEANT to be mean it was supposed to be HELPFUL they just SAID IT ALL WRONG) and she SLAPPED THEM? and told him that they WEREN’T FRIENDS AT ALL??? how could she!!! she should have known better!! what they said hurt a lot but still!!!
so when they eventually manage to try to talk about it, they end up almost in, like, a guilt competition.
Mirabelle apologizing for how she reacted, that she shouldn’t have yelled or hit him, that she doesn’t want to be the kind of person who acts that way out of anger and she’s sorry that she made Siffrin expect that reaction from her, she should have known better and believed in him more and they only messed up like that because they were losing their mind in a time loop but what’s HER excuse—
and Siffrin going nononono stop I deserved it—(HUH DON’T SAY THAT NO YOU DIDN’T)—and that he should never have said such awful things to her, ever, and she was under so much pressure already with the weight of the country and everyone’s lives and futures and her religion and their whole party counting on her to do this impossible task because she’s the only one who can, all this unbearable expectation and hope crushing her, and they KNEW that but they thought they could skip to the ending as though her feelings didn’t matter at all, like helping her wasn’t as important as saving a little time—
until they’re just. in tears together, apologizing for all the horrible things they did in between complimenting each other’s strength and kindness and resilience and how much they admire each other and saying that no, everything you did was completely understandable, actually, the only one who sucks here is me. which neither of them will accept coming from the other!!
they’re so similar, in ways they couldn’t really understand, before.
warm, affectionate, perfect Mirabelle, the resolute hero, a beacon of compassion and hope for all those around her, who wears her heart on her sleeve, her fear making her courage shine all the brighter—nothing like the insignificant, forgettable Siffrin, too terrified to be known, too fragile to touch, too selfish and disgusting to bear letting go.
cool, mysterious, unflappable Siffrin, the worldly traveler, as charming and silly as they are confident and skilled, who brushed off losing an eye like it was nothing, accepting the risks of this journey with barely more than a shrug—nothing like the anxious, stagnant, undeserving Mirabelle, a fraud and a nobody crumbling under the weight of a mission too important to be entrusted to someone like her, doubting herself, doubting her friends, doubting her mentor, doubting her faith, too weak and brittle to bend and change the way the world needs her to without breaking.
not worth bothering others with their problems. they should be able to handle this alone. stay positive, stay calm. breathe in, and out.
they’ll struggle with it, still—the hiding, the minimizing—but now, they understand each other a little better. they can hold each other accountable for what they leave unsaid.
it’ll get easier, eventually. they have plenty of time.

#i!!! don’t know how to end posts!#this was supposed to be about One Quick Thought and then i just. kept going.#it’s REALLY LONG. SORRY?#some of this is a rehash of what i said in the mirabelle edition loop hangout post#i didn’t want to repeat EVERYTHING though so. no prologue discussion this time#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#mypost#isat meta#mirasif qpr#it makes me wonder what other negative impressions she’s harboring about the others#surely siffrin isn’t the only one that she has twisted up somewhat in her head in ways that she has to talk herself out of#it’s a very anxiety-based behavior. making up worst-case stories in your head about yourself and other people#and having to remind yourself that those worst cases aren’t necessarily reality#the most obvious (to me) in the party would be comparing herself to Isabeau and feeling Some Type of Way about finding herself lacking#even if no one else sees it like that.#he’s strong he’s brave he’s reliable he’s heroic—he’s COMFORTABLE WITH CHANGE……#meanwhile she’s just!!! same old mirabelle!!!!!#incapable of changing in so many ways that seem so easy for everyone else! what’s wrong with her that she can’t!!!!#if it’s not clear absolutely none of this is like. critical or disparaging of mirabelle. i fucking adore her.#and her handling this the absolute Worst out of all of them (Bonnie included!) is part of that#LET HER BE MESSYYYYYY#btw for those familiar i’m picturing the guilt competition very much in Steven Vs Amethyst (steven universe) style
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Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
#hazbin spoilers#hazbin hotel#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#analysis#dissociation#look idk what to tell you all#I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense#when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations#he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything#literally I've been there#the difference between him and me tho#is that he can't show it#he's the king of hell#he has to bluff his way through conversations#but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind#and watch him reply to the things he DID catch#anyways#NEW BLORBO????#who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel#and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character#I love him#he's so sad
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