#it's worth it for love!!! every type!!!! every type is given just as much weight!!!

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

thinking about how Les Mis is historical fiction that was written so soon after the historical event that inspired it in this Chili's tonight ladies

[writtenbymoonflower]

Round

You hate your chubby cheeks and Sirius is deeply offended. Sirius Black x gn!reader. modern!au

cw: negative self talk, no specific body type but reader has a round face, swearing

1.1k words

You huffed as you took in your appearance, wishing you could blame the mirror, maybe it was warped, maybe it made you look different. But then your hand mirror would also be inaccurate, as well as the bathroom mirror, and store windows, or every reflective surface. You wished you could believe that level of delusion, but ultimately you were given over to facts, so you had to face the truth that your face just looked like that. 

You cruelly pinched at the flesh on your cheeks, under your eyes, and even around your jaw. You tried sucking in, then puffing out, but nothing made your face look defined in the way you desperately wanted. You just wished that your cheekbones had a little definition, but instead all you had was a round and puffy face. By now most people your age had dropped the baby weight in their cheeks, but you hadn’t, and no amount of contour or bronzer made them look sharper. You were still pinching at your face when your boyfriend walked in. 

“What’re you doin’ in here, dolly?” You dropped your hands like a child caught in the cookie jar, feeling caught.

“Nothin’” You said in quiet response. All Sirius did was hum before moving to stand behind you and lean over your shoulder, both of you in front of the mirror. You looked up to meet his eyes, but you weren’t able to him looking like he wanted to eat you alive, dropping eye contact almost instantly. He chuckled evilly. 

“Hm, so pretty.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned over to kiss the same cheek you had scrutinized not seconds before and held in a wince. “Your cheek is all red, babydoll.” 

“Maybe you just make me flushed.” 

“No,” He laughed, “No baby, I know what that looks like, trust me. This is different. Besides, you look all sad.” He pouted when he said that, grabbing your face in one hand and kissing over more of your cheek before stepping away to sit on your bed. You swiveled in your chair to look at him. Well, at least be facing his direction, you kept your gaze strictly on your lap as you spoke.

“Siri?” You said hesitantly. 

“Yes, dolly?” He had pulled out his phone and was scrolling. 

“I- You know that surgery everyone’s getting? The face one?” 

“I think you’re gonna have to be more specific than that, dollface.” He still didn’t look up from his phone. 

“The cheek fat one. I-” You took a deep breath. “I think I want to get it.” That made him look up so fast you thought he might get whiplash.

“What?” He laughed. You would feel insulted, but you knew that Sirius only laughed like that when he was shocked or upset, his eyes were wide as he searched for any sign of you pranking or messing with him. 

“It’s just a thought.” You instantly backpeddled “I just thought it might be worth thinking about.” You said sheepishly.

“Well it’s not.” He laughed again, clearly not finding it funny. “What put that shit in your head?” You felt defensive. 

“I just think my face is too round. I look like a blowfish or something.” You forced a laugh. 

“What? No?” He stood up from the bed and stepped over to you, crouching down to meet your eyes. Only after he saw your sad expression did he soften. 

“I just-” You debated the right words. “I just think I would look better if my cheeks were more hollow. There’s just so much-” You pinched at the flesh of your cheeks. “There’s so much fat on them, I look like Charlie Brown.” 

“Okay firstly, I don’t know who that is, but if they look like you I’m guessing they’re adorable.” You rolled your eyes. “Secondly, I love your face. It's my favorite. Stop being so mean to it.” 

“But you don’t know what it’s like." You whined. "Your face is perfect, all of you is.” And you meant it. Sirius always looked like he could be carved from marble. He had a perfectly structured face, gorgeous eyes framed by too-long-to-be-fair lashes, and inky black hair. He looked like a model on a bad day. On a good day you could barely bring yourself too look at him.

“Compliment taken.” He smirked, displaying his shiny and sharp canines. “But you aren’t giving yourself enough credit, gorgeous.” He looked so distraught, it didn’t suit him at all. He batted your cruel hands away from your cheeks to grab your face instead. “Just because your face is round doesn’t mean you are any less beautiful.” He said, sincerely. You tried to look down but his grip didn’t let you. “If I’m being honest actually, your cheeks are one of my favorite parts of you.” 

You scoffed at him. “You can’t be for real.” 

“I am, baby!” He argued. He started to pinch your cheeks, though much kinder than you were. “They’re so cute.” He pouted. “I know you don’t like them, and I don’t wanna draw attention to it if it’s gonna bother you,” He stood up, tilting your face up to look in his eyes, swimming with sympathy, love, and a hint of playfulness. “But, I think they’re fucking precious. I just wanna grab your little face every time I see you. You’re like a little cherub.” You laughed. It’s not the look you were going for, but the way he described it didn’t seem so bad, especially not when there was affection dripping from every word he spoke. 

“You’re really sweet.” Was all you could say, standing up to hug him. He accepted you greedily, squeezing you close to him.

“I wish you saw how gorgeous you are, baby.” He nuzzled into your neck. You thought you could cry.

“It’s okay, I know you love me, it’s enough.” You pulled away from his neck to look at him. 

“Yeah, at least for now.” He smiled, leaning down to press his lips to yours. You kissed him back, hoping he could feel your gratitude. “Anyway,” He said when he pulled away. “There’s a practical advantage I really like.” He was all at once his usual wolfish self, giving you no time to question his meaning before speaking again. “More face for me to love.” He spun you both around, throwing you onto the bed and pinning you down before squishing your cheeks in his hands and sponging rapid-fire kisses all over your face. 

You let out an awful squeal of surprise. “Siri!” You giggled, barely able to speak between attacks. He looked at you hungrily before kissing you greedily, pulling a high-pitched whine from your throat.

“I think you like it too, dollface.”

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/752847373085081600/i-wanna-miss-fratpeters-nose-so-badly

how does he react!!

THAT SENT TOO FAST I WASNT FINISHED😭

does he get shy?? does he pretend he’s unaffected or is he like do it again and again and again!!!🥹

--

soft!frat!peter <3

'what was that?'

you surprise attacked him with a kiss and went right back to watching tv, but this kiss wasn't on his mouth or his cheek so he's a tad bit confused.

'a little kissy.' it happened too quick. he saw a flash, felt a quick peck and you were submerged into netflix like nothing happened. 'want another?' it was rhetorical, you push up to place another to the same spot.

'why my nose?'

you steal another. 'why not?' and another. you go for a third after his bashful laugh, you swear you see a hint of pink coat his cheeks. 'i don't know, i've never had one, i guess.'

sometimes peter drops his lack of intimacy a little too casually. this is one of those times, how has no one ever given him nose kisses?

'have you ever felt like you wanna kiss every inch of me? not in a sexual way, but like, you wanna kiss me because i'm so cute?'

'i'm scared you'll read into my answer.' that's a total yes.

'well, there's a bunch of different types of kisses, so you're welcome for showing you another.' peter bids for your attention. 'what are the different types of kisses?'

'hm,' you sit up to straddle his lap. 'i mean, you know about this one.' a light peck to his forehead. 'and this one,' another on his cheek. your lips brush over his as you whisper, 'and you love this kind.' your hand on his chest tells you your guess was right.

'what else is there?' warm hands rest on your thighs, peter's speaking softly with his focus on you and you only. you could tease him, but you're going to take this delicate moment and file it away to replay when you’re questioning if he’s worth waiting around for. 

'you just learned about this one.' peter didn't know he could like attention on his nose so much. but when it comes from you, of course he does.

'any more?' he doesn't want it to end.

'how about an eskimo kiss?' peter's heard of them, but he's never had one so he pretends like he doesn't know what it is. you lean down to push your nose against his, you dig in at the last second before pulling away.

'the harder you do it, the more you love them.' you're not sure if that's true or not, but you heard it somewhere and it's nice to think about. 'that seems dangerous, you might end up with a broken nose.' you could scream about the undertone of his sentence, but you won't. it's another thing to file away.

'then you might like butterfly kisses.'

'what's-' peter stops, little flutters dance over his cheeks. his heart pounds hard, a swirl of matching insects take flight in his stomach.

'what do you think about that one?'

'do it again.' you cup his face before blinking against his skin.

it's airy, a hint of something youthful, wholesome, comforting. it's like stepping outside and feeling the sun coat over your arms, heating you from the inside out, gifting you with warmth you didn't know you needed or lacked.

it reminds him of you.

it's his favorite.

'you like them?' there's no question this time, he's got a full on blush. 'can i have another?' he savors the tickle. you give a finale, sealing it with an overdramatic 'muah!' against his lips.

'i like your flutter kisses.' you finger comb his hair, laying down any stray pieces from moving around on his pillow. 'you can have flutter kisses whenever you want.'

peter doesn't need to be told twice.

'flutter kisses. i demand more butterflies.'

'be careful, you might attract a whole swarm.'

peter makes prayer hands and mouths a 'thank you,' with his eyes closed before going dead weight underneath you.

'i'm ready to be suffocated.' 

[literatureloverx]

Just use this blog! I would love to get your thoughts in Chuuya since you do such an amazing job with Fyodor. Would be awesome to know your ideal types for the other bsd guys (..well chuuya mainly)

Such a cutie patootie request 🥹 I love it, and I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while now!

I’m a bit nervous about writing a character who isn’t Fyodor, but I really hope I can meet your expectations. ❤️ I would hate to disappoint. 🥺

Just a heads-up: I’m also planning to write about Dazai’s, Nikolai’s, and maybe even Akutagawa’s ideal types at some point. ❤️

Chuuya x fem!reader, Chuuya x ideal type!reader.🧡

Chuuya’s ideal type

In my character analysis post for Fyodor, I mentioned that Fyodor is not a "darling-neutral" character, which suggests that he has a very clear and non-negotiable ideal type.

However, this is certainly not the case with our beloved Chuuya.

Chuuya is genuinely "darling-neutral," but I’d like to depict an ideal type nonetheless, as I believe he has some aspects he would greatly admire in a woman.

Although I can’t recall where I read it, it was mentioned somewhere that Chuuya appreciates elegant people with a good sense of fashion.

When I think of such a person, I immediately picture an elegant woman who knows how to carry herself effectively and gracefully.

A good sense of fashion often indicates high self-esteem and self-worth.

This leads me to believe that Chuuya’s ideal type would definitely be someone confident.

It’s important to clarify that confidence doesn’t mean being loud or mean.

Imagine someone who is elegant, feminine (but not hyper-feminine), and confident.

This person would not be gracefully meek or silent but would act, look, behave, and move with class and confidence.

Given Chuuya’s own pride in his male strength, his keen sense of fashion, and his confidence brimming with pride, I believe he would fall for such a person almost immediately.

However, his ideal partner should not challenge him in a way that disrupts his sense of harmony.

This is precisely why he says he hates Dazai; it’s not that he hates Dazai himself, but rather the constant challenges Dazai presents that unsettle him.

Chuuya is a proud man in every possible way, and he wouldn’t easily tolerate disrespect or undue challenge.

In terms of physical appearance, I don’t think that attributes like hair or skin color, height (even though he is 5'3"/160 cm), or weight would be of significant importance to him.

However, I don’t believe he would be attracted to someone who is obese. Don’t get me wrong—he is strong enough to carry someone regardless of their weight, but it’s simply not his vibe.

“If a person’s body is prominent, it should be due to athleticism.”—Chuuya, probably.

Still, I don’t see him caring much about your fitness level either.

When I said he is "darling-neutral," I genuinely meant it.

I believe that Chuuya could easily fall in love with a shy, more masculine, sincere, or careful partner.

He has a beautiful and deeply humane heart, which allows him to see the best in his partner, no matter their characteristics.

However, this is not in a naive way—he would guide his partner to the right path if he sensed something might be off.

On the emotional side, Chuuya loves challenges, but his life is already filled with them. He might seek rest in his partner’s arms rather than being constantly challenged.

He would likely get bored with someone who is only loving but not truly engaging, as he is not a passive person himself.

Chuuya is active in whatever he does.

Chuuya is active in everything he does, so he needs a partner who can at least keep up with his lifestyle.

As a feared man and a valuable part of the Port Mafia—an executive, no less—his position should not intimidate his partner.

This is why I believe he wouldn’t keep his situation a secret.

He wants a true partner, someone loyal to him who also has a life of her own with meaningful activities, so she doesn’t feel alone or isolated when he’s not around.

His ideal partner should be independent and capable of taking care of herself, but also willing to let him take care of her—not because she needs it, but because she wants it.

This is how Chuuya expresses his love, through grand gestures and physical affection.

His partner should accept this wholeheartedly.

Loyalty is one of the most important aspects of Chuuya's relationship with his partner. He is loyal until the end of time, and he expects the same in return.

Then there’s his expensive wine collection—he’s not a heavy drinker, but he enjoys a good glass of wine now and then, especially when celebrating or unwinding after a long day.

He would expect his partner to share these peaceful moments with him. His vulnerable state when he drinks and relaxes gives him a sense of domestic warmth.

I’m not sure if this is a common interpretation of Chuuya’s character, but I see him as a somewhat possessive lover—perhaps not possessive in the typical sense, but definitely territorial.

Sexually, he may be very possessive, but in other aspects, he’s more about asserting his territory.

Because he won’t take it lightly if someone flirts with you or eyes you, you’ll need to be someone who can maintain a certain distance from others when necessary.

This is why I envisioned an ideal type for Chuuya who is classy, carrying herself with elegance and confidence, rather than someone who is chatty or bubbly.

Chuuya is territorial, and while you’re free to do as you please—go shopping with friends (he would even give you his black card), meet them anywhere, or engage in any activities you like—he barely has time for himself.

So, when he does have time for the two of you, he would expect you to set everything else aside to spend that time together.

That is why he needs someone who is ready to make sacrifices when needed.

Edit: I practically forgot to mention any real sexual content about his potential darling, so here they are:

I don’t think he would care whether his partner is a virgin or not, but if you are, he’d be very proud to be your first and would strive to make your first experience as beautiful and sensually unforgettable as possible.

However, I can’t see him being attracted to someone who is "too open" with sexual encounters, like someone who sleeps around.

This simply doesn’t align with the image of a woman who carries herself with confidence and grace.

[theflowerrooms]

dad spencer headcannons PLEASE

THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVED DOING THIS SO MUCH

Lowkey wanna write more dad!spencer

Spencer was always loving and caring, always doting on you. But since you’d gotten pregnant, he’s done nothing but take excellent care of you, doing everything in his power to make sure you’re not overexerting yourself, and making sure you’re comfortable and healthy.

Spencer started off having pre-parental panic for the first three months of your pregnancy. He read countless amounts of books on parenting and pregnancy, he knew everything from what you should eat to what what you should watch on tv in order to have the happiest, healthiest pregnancy.

Picking the name was a hassle, you would constantly blank, not thinking of a single name you liked, and Spencer would suggest names like Mildred, Earl, or something from a different language that, while it would have a beautiful meaning, you struggled to pronounce.

When you found out you were having a boy, you both eventually decided to name the baby after people you cared about, and when he was born, he was given the name Jason David Reid. It was beyond important to Spencer that you’d named him after Gideon.

Your birth wasn’t nearly as hard as your pregnancy, and all of it was worth it when your baby was cleaned up and in your arms.

It felt even more worth it when they placed him in Spencer’s, seeing a father hold his son for the first time. You’d seen Spencer cry, a few times. But you’d never seen him cry like this, tears of love and enchantment, tears for you, tears for your baby, and tears for your family.

Spencer was the only one in the room during your birth, at your request. It wasn’t until afterward that they let people in, and of course, the team who’d been waiting at the hospital for six hours crowded into the room, washing their hands at Spencer’s request.

You both cried again, watching your baby be passed around between these people that you loved like family. Penelope had been crying since a nurse informed her that your baby boy had been born healthy and happy. Jj cried the first time she saw him, Emily cried the second he was in her arms. Rossi sobbed when he heard his name for the first time.

Your first night home from the hospital was hard. The baby slept so good, he hardly cried, he was such a happy baby. But you and Spencer were so nervous. He’d read every book and website he could get his hands on, spoken to so many seasoned parents and paediatricians. But still you both were nervous.

That quickly faded, and you got used to having a new baby. You’d gotten used to waking up to change or feed him, gotten used to the weight of a baby in your arms.

He wasn’t a big baby, still very healthy and happy, just a little guy. And he already looked like Spencer, button nose and a full head of hair, just a shade darker than his father’s.

The baby went through a series of nicknames. Because Jason’s a lovely name, just not a baby name, and David felt worse. You went from calling him Jay, to JJ, which was confusing, to JD, which is what stuck. Baby JD, JD Reid.

JD was happy and content almost all the time, but what calmed him down fastest was the sound of Spencer’s voice. So Spencer would spend hours talking to JD, explaining the history of Hallows Eve, or telling him about different types of plants.

When JD was around 10 months, he said his first word which was bird. He loved birds, his mobile had handmade birds sewn by Penelope, his wallpaper had little blue birds just below the trim, He saw them a lot outside in the yard. Spencer cried the first time he said it, from how cute it was, from the fact that Gideon loved birds before he passed.

As JD grew, he proved himself to be very intelligent, which Spencer took great pride in. He was speaking full sentences before he turned two, he could identify many different types of dinosaurs, which became his new obsession after birds.

Spencer would read to him often, the first book being ‘Goodnight Moon’, the second being ‘The Narrative of John Smith.” JD was able to remember nearly all of the words to the books that Spencer would read to him, but he struggled to read and he was diagnosed with Dyslexia when he was almost 5.

Being a dad and husband is the most important thing to Spencer. He happily spends less time working and more time with JD and you.

Neither you nor Spencer had cried so much until you became parents, he’d cry over how cute you looked holding JD in your arms as he slept, he’d cry over how sweet JD’s voice was as he told him he loved him, He’d cry watching JD and Hank play pirates together. And he broke down in tears of love when JD ran to hug him when he got home, wearing a shirt that read “big brother”

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Our pure-hearted, all-loving hero... he can be a little brat (especially back in OS/early in his journey, when he was much more of a hot-blooded boy hero), but his heart's worth its weight in solid gold and he grows into such a kind, patient character with strong ideals, which is why Hero of Ideals suits him best (even the movie manga opted to adapt that version of the movie, rather than the one where Ash is Hero of Truth, and expanded on it!)

[I hope you have "long post" and "image heavy" muted if you need to, because this post's a doozy and given tumblr, if my blog's ever deleted, posts with read mores will be rendered inaccessible forever, so I don't like to make them!]

A lot of people complained about how young Ash looked in BW! (and complained even more about Sun & Moon's very divisive art style... and we wound up seeing great growth for his love of a whole region, and achieved a goal integral to achieving his dreams), but from the first episode of BW!, my first impression was of how mature and calm Ash is with Iris and Trip in regards to their initially abrasive and varingly aloof personalities.

Iris was friendlier and more excitable, more childlike, but Ash took her barbs in stride and patiently waited for her to open up about her dreams (she keeps it secret in the first episode, using that cute, childish word "naisho" instead of saying it's a secret "himitsu"--the same childish word she uses when asked about what Kairyuu/Dragonite told her in their reunion episode) and background (we don't know she ran away from the academy or what her hometown was like until season 2!)

The way Ash handled Tory (who was a traumatized, younger child--and Ash wanted to fight him at first, before understanding him!), Lucario (also traumatized, insulted Ash and Pikachu's bond--Ash fought him and fell off a hill, wrestling with him, before he saw Lucario's memory of being "abandoned" and broke down in tears, apologizing for what he said when he didn't know anything...), Chimchar (a traumatized Pokemon, Ash was patient, kind, and loving to him, even when he lashed out while out of control due to Blaze, which he previously could only use to save his life...), etc., is very different from how he handled Iris (who was bullied subtly by being completely ostracized, no one would sit or eat or play with her at the academy, she was so depressed, she stopped eating--this is canon and not lingered on, but she plainly says it and that her dorm mother making her food that would remind her of home, just berries skewered on a stick, "saved her") and even Trip.

(By the way, Ash apologizing to Lucario, in tears of regret over what he said to Lucario when he didn't understand him is when I first started to truly love and respect Ash's character and growth! Before that, I really was only a big fan of the TRio.)

By contrast to those rockier beginnings with other kids, Ash was patient and encouraging with Trip, even while Trip purposefully kept him and everyone else (even his Pokemon who loved him, as Alder said...) at bay and rejected all his attempts at friendship, before he got the answers he needed from Alder and slowly stopped shutting others out. He had every right to lash out at Trip for making fun of him, but kept trying to befriend him and showed interest in his journey and growth.

(Trip was also his youngest main rival at that point, even if he is a very book-smart child prodigy type who was an excellent battler from the start, he still fell apart in front of unexpected, unorthodox techniques like Bell/Bianca and Satoshi/Ash's out-of-the-box strategies.)

Naturally, there's also his very patient and encouraging bond with Lillie, who also had her trauma-induced fear of Pokemon (much like Tory!) and dissociative amnesia, the early loss of her father in infancy, and the distance between her and her mother (too wrapped-up in work and her obsession with Ultra Beasts to notice her own child's trauma and falling behind her peers...) to overcome, but the focus of this post is BW! I already write a lot about Lillie, she's another favourite of mine. <3

It's worth noting, too, that Pikachu was Ash's first "problem Pokemon"... even if it's usually the Fire types who are traumatized, Pikachu has abandonment issues like Chimchar and Tepig did. Pikachu famously hates being inside a pokeball and Ash always repesects this boundary and becomes very, very upset in XY when he believed Pikachu was forced into a pokeball... the pokeball factory episode was, otherwise, a very light-hearted episode, but Pikachu's boundaries and possible trauma is taken seriously.

This scene mirrors a similar breakdown Alain has when he finds out all he's done, under the impression he was protecting his loved ones, was aiding Lysandre's genocidal plans... both smash their fists into hard surfaces, blaming themselves for failing to protect loved ones.

In a very early Kanto episode, Sparks Fly for Magnemite, we learn Pikachu has abandonment issues so bad, he doesn't want to be separated from Ash for even an overnight stay in the Pokemon Center. It seems Pikachu (fortunately) quickly become much more secure in his bond with Ash and no longer fears being separated for medical treatment, but this is very, very sad and telling!

Although we never delve very deeply into that for most of the series... (an early magazine scan has Ookido-hakase/Professor Oak theorize Pikachu's previous trainer abandoned it), we were finally given some answers late in series!

In the AU movie, Pikachu says* his reason for not going into the pokeball: "It's because I always want to be with you." ;O;

... unless this is a dream or hallucination, given Ash is on the verge of unconsciousness when it happens--but if we really want to believe it happened, maybe his latent Aura post-cognition abailities kicked in and he understood Pikachu's feelings, like when Victini slept in his lap, crying, and Ash saw Victini's dream of his past.

As for the main series canon, in the first episode of Pocket Monsters 2019 (Pokemon Journeys), we learn Ash's Pikachu was a lone, possibly orphaned, Pichu, who was briefly raised by a Kangaskhan, carried in her pouch with her child, until he grew too heavy and quietly left at night (without saying goodbye) to live by his own strength, evolving into Pikachu as he did so.

If Lusamine not taking Lillie's (because they're irrational or not logical) feelings seriously gave her a complex where she always needed to claim her stances are "logical" even when they're based in emotion... I wonder what it tells us that "child prodigy" Trip defaulting to blaming his loss to Alder on him doing something wrong or being inherently lacking ("What did I do wrong? What do I lack?"), because he doesn't ever consider a simple difference in experience is all it is... that Alder's many years of wisdom and Pokemon training give him an advantage over rookie trainer Trip, who's shown to be averse to being called a "child" (Iris ropes him into battling Ash twice by calling him a kid), because he always has to prove he's an adult. He thinks there's something inherently "lacking" in him or "wrong" about his method if he doesn't achieve.

All of that is canon, but if you further analyze his character, Trip has a superiority complex, which is very often a defense mechanism to mask feelings of inferiority. He canonically places a lot of worth in the image he projects and constantly puts down others. Add that to being a child prodigy and his preoccupation with proving he's an adult (but doesn't bat an eyelid at someone calling him "unjust" for his violent methods in the Venipede episode, like he's already accepted being a terrible person, because he thinks striving for peace like idealistic Ash is "naive"--Trip has a very cynical view of adults, yet thinks of himself as such...)

Trip only cares to be seen as strong and mature, not good (he's not even surprised to be called bad, he's already accepted it, he doesn't care), and if he fails, he blames his lack of knowledge or his inherent nature as lacking.

Because his self-worth is in being a genius and being better than the rest, so he seeks outside validation, namely Alder's, who Trip behaves so jealously about, Alder canonically compares him to a fickle-hearted woman (well, he messes up the phrase 'Onna-gokoro to haru no sora.' "A woman's heart is as fickle as the sky of spring" because he was hitting on Junsa-san/Officer Jenny earlier, so he says "fickle as Junsa-san"... Freudian slip. ^^;;;;)

Trip, when asked what he was battling for, what he wanted to prove... he said it was to prove his strength to Alder.

That's all he wanted! To prove his strength and be acknowledged by his hero. Alder even asks him if he likes him. Adeku frankly asks it in the Japanese version, but the dub dances around with "do you have any admiration for a man such as myself"--which Trip doesn't answer verbally, although he really doesn't have to, because the scene makes it clear and is a lens that clarifies all his past behaviour.

That's all Trip wants: love and acknowledgement. Which he believed he could only get by becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature as fast as possible, likely taking Alder's to be some stronger and grow up quickly too literally, as head animator Iwane said, Shootie was just "a little too grown-up."

It takes a long, long time for Trip to unlearn prioritizing battles over anything else and to embrace childhood (which hey, is one of the main themes of BW!), because it's a precious time which we can never return to... so, Alder's current idealogy is to enjoy life, make friends, love Pokemon, and not dwell on the past. Ash's approach to being a Pokemon Champion and Master is the same.

Alder's introductory episode made it very clear he and Ash are very, very similar characters... and we see this again in Journeys, in the kind of advice Champion Ash gives younger kids. Ash and Alder have a similar wisdom they'd like to impart, I know, it's funny calling Ash wise, but he has high emotional intelligence and is incredibly wise in that respect for his age... it took Alder many, many long years to arrive at the same conclusion Ash reached.

Ash's Japanese name, Satoshi, means "Wisdom." (Another cute detail: Ash's little brother, Lei, whose Hawaiian name means a "Garland of Flowers-- in Japanese, would be pronounced as Rei, which also means "Wisdom." Lei likely has a name chosen to have meaning in both Hawaiian and Japanese. ^^)

Bonus shout-out to Ash, Iris, and Cilan all protecting Keldeo until he finds the courage to face his fears, correct his mistakes, and save his friends...

Ash is a very good friend, AG, DP, and BW! are all part of his development into the kinder character he became today. Some people might miss how rude he was to his friends in OS, but he can still playfully dish it out, he's just calmer and more sure of himself, so less likely to sweat the small stuff and recognizes when someone, whether Pokemon or trainer, just needs time and patience.

[gvfgal]

Chapter 14: Funeral of Innocence

Barbarian. Biker!Jake

18+ story, minors DNI

A/n: I apologize for the wait! I’m in an extremely busy season in my life and I’m doing my best to work in writing into my schedule. We’re getting very close to the end, so if you just stick with me a little while longer, I promise I’ll make it worth your while! Thanks again for all your support. ❤️

Content Warnings: mentions of death & grief, graphic violence, depictions and descriptions of injury and death, heavy drinking, fluffy dad Jake (I fuckin love dad Jake).

Word Count: 4.3k

Two Months Later

Jake sat on the worn-out couch, staring at the black TV screen as the heavy rain pounded against the roof of the trailer. It was the anniversary of Jaxon’s death, a day that seemed to drag the storm clouds with it every year. Even here in Nevada, where rain was a rarity, the gloom found him, like it was drawn to the darkness that lived in his heart on this day.

His thoughts were far away, lost in the memories of that night. No matter how hard he tried to distract himself, his mind always wandered back to the moment that changed everything. The pain was still there, raw and jagged, like the wound had never truly healed.

His phone vibrated on the couch beside him, the screen lighting up with an incoming call. Ace’s name flashed across it, and for a moment, Jake considered letting it go to voicemail. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, especially not today. But on the last ring, he answered.

“Hey, Ace,” Jake’s voice was rough, the weight of the day pressing down on him.

“Hey, kid,” Ace’s voice came through the receiver, a rare softness in his tone. Ace knew what day it was; all the Barbarians did. They had all lost Jaxon that night, but Jake had lost more than a brother in arms—he had lost the closest thing to a real brother he’d ever have. “How ya holding up?”

Jake shrugged, even though he knew Ace couldn’t see him. “I’m alright, I guess.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, the silence heavy with unsaid words. Ace wasn’t the type to offer comfort in the traditional sense, but he was always there, a steady presence in Jake’s life. They didn’t need to say much; they both knew the pain, the loss.

“I’ve been thinking about him a lot today,” Ace finally said, his voice low. “Hard not to, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Jake replied, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Me too. Every year, it’s like the wound gets ripped open again.”

Ace grunted, a sound that was part agreement, part frustration. “Ain’t nothin’ gonna fill that hole, kid. But you keep goin’, for him. That’s all we can do.”

Jake nodded, “yeah, I know. Doesn’t make it easier, though.”

“No, it don’t,” Ace agreed, his voice tinged with a shared pain. After a brief pause, he added, “Just remember, you’re not alone in this. We all miss him.”

Jake clenched his jaw, resisting the urge to scoff. Sure, the other Barbarians missed Jax—he was a presence that no one could forget, both within the club and beyond. But no one felt the loss like Jake did. None of them carried the burden of knowing that his own father set the chain of events in motion. The thought alone made his blood boil.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Ace.”

Just then, Jake heard the soft, familiar sound of your footsteps as you approached from the back room. When he looked up, he saw you glowing, your damp hair cascading over your shoulders, still fresh from the shower. The sight of you, six months along, with your belly now a prominent, rounded bump sitting high on your midsection, filled him with a warmth he couldn't find anywhere else. You and that baby were the only light in his otherwise shadowed world. Seeing you like this, Jake finally understood why Ace had given you the nickname Sunshine.

He couldn’t help but grin as you came over to him, standing by his side. Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around your waist and kissed the bump over the oversized t-shirt that nearly swallowed you whole.

“Promise me you won’t sit around and mope all day,” Ace's voice crackled through the phone, pulling Jake’s attention back. “Some of the guys and I are headin’ to the Tavern later. You should come.”

As you ran your fingers through his hair, Jake leaned into your touch, feeling the tension slowly ease from his body. The warmth of your hand was soothing, but it couldn’t fully extinguish the torment raging inside him.

“I’ll think about it,” Jake replied, knowing full well he had no intention of going. The thought of being around the guys, pretending everything was fine, was the last thing he wanted.

After a few more words of goodbye, he hung up the phone and turned his full attention to you. You sat down beside him, your hand instinctively moving to your belly as Jake’s hand found its way there too, rubbing gentle circles over the growing life inside.

“You okay, baby?” you asked softly, your eyes full of concern. You knew what day it was. The past few weeks, Jake had been unusually on edge, and today, the tension had reached its peak. His sleep had been restless, and more often than not, you’d wake in the middle of the night to find him absent from bed, only to spot him through the kitchen window, standing on the porch with a haunted look in his eyes.

“I’m fine. Just tired,” he lied, the words coming out far too easily.

You didn’t believe him, but you didn’t push. Instead, you wrapped your arms around him and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. “Do you wanna get out of the house today? We could go into town, grab something to eat, even if it’s raining. I’ll even eat at that one terrible barbecue place you like,” you teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Jake chuckled, appreciating your effort. He squeezed your leg before returning his hand to your stomach. “Nah, baby. Really, I’m fine. I just wanna hang out here with my two girls and watch some terrible ’80s movies.”

You saw the strain in his eyes, the way he was forcing himself to push through the day. But you also recognized his effort to be present with you, to not let the darkness consume him completely. So, you agreed to the movie day, knowing that it was his way of coping. He could’ve easily shut you out, but instead, he chose to stay close.

Jake headed to the kitchen to pop some popcorn while you sifted through Riley’s collection of movies, eventually settling on The Toxic Avenger. It was cheesy and over-the-top, just the kind of distraction Jake needed.

The two of you curled up on the couch, sharing a blanket that was almost too small for both of you. You laughed at the ridiculousness of the movie, and for a little while, Jake managed to push the pain to the back of his mind. But it wasn’t long before you, in your pregnant state, drifted off to sleep. Jake wasn’t surprised; these days, you seemed to nap more than you stayed awake. He found it endearing how easily you’d fall asleep, your head resting on his shoulder, your soft snores filling the room.

He stayed still, not wanting to wake you, and watched the rest of the movie alone. When it ended and you were still fast asleep, Jake carefully slipped out from under you, making sure you were comfortable before turning off the TV and leaving you to rest.

Moving quietly, Jake made his way to the kitchen and retrieved a half-full bottle of whiskey from the back of the cabinet. He grabbed his helmet, laced up his boots, and pocketed his keys before stepping out into the cool air. The rain had stopped, but the sky remained a threatening gray, the gloom hanging over everything like a shroud.

Jake stashed the bottle in his bike’s trunk compartment, mounted his motorcycle, and revved the engine. The roar of the bike was a familiar comfort, a temporary escape from the heaviness that threatened to swallow him whole like the shirt you wore. Without looking back at the trailer, he pulled out of Cactus Creek, the wheels kicking up gravel as he sped off in the direction of the town cemetery.

The sun dipped low on the horizon, bathing the dusty road in a warm, golden glow. Two small boys, Jake and Jaxon, pedaled their worn bikes with all the energy their seven-year-old bodies could muster. Their voices filled the air with the imagined roar of motorcycle engines as they raced up and down the street, the sound of their laughter breaking the stillness of the quiet trailer park.

Their bikes were far from the shiny, top-of-the-line models the rich kids in Crystal Bay flaunted, but to Jake and Jaxon, they were the coolest choppers in the world. Each push of the pedal, each turn of the handlebars, was a taste of the freedom they dreamed of. One day, they knew, they’d be tearing down the open road on gleaming Harleys, just like the men they idolized. For now, though, these battered bikes were more than enough to fuel their wildest fantasies.

As they skidded to a stop near a patch of dirt, Jake noticed Jaxon’s usual grin had faded. The weight of his recent loss was evident in his hunched shoulders and the way he absently kicked at the gravel.

“Hey, Jax,” Jake called out, his voice softening as he pulled up beside his friend. “You okay?”

Jaxon shrugged, keeping his eyes on the ground. “Just thinking about my dad,” he mumbled, his voice barely audible.

Jake hesitated, unsure of what to say. He’d heard the adults talking about Jaxon’s dad, about the horrific accident and how Jaxon’s mom was nowhere to be seen, leaving him alone. But Jake didn’t see Jaxon as alone—not really.

“You know,” Jake began, trying to sound confident, “as long as I’m around, you’ve got family. My dad says you’re gonna be staying with us for a little while.”

Jaxon looked up, a glimmer of hope in his teary eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jake nodded firmly. “We’ll be like real brothers. Always will be, no matter what.”

Jaxon’s lips curved into a small smile. “Yeah, we’re brothers.”

Jake beamed, feeling a swell of pride in his chest. “And when we’re Barbarians like our dads, we’ll have a ton more brothers. We’ll ride together, just like them.”

The boys shared a moment of silent understanding, their eyes reflecting the innocent dreams of a future where they’d be inseparable, bound not just by friendship, but by the brotherhood of the club.

But as the sun dipped further below the horizon, casting long shadows across the dirt road, an eerie stillness settled in the air. The boys, lost in their fantasies of roaring engines and leather jackets, couldn’t sense the dark clouds that loomed over their future. They didn’t know how the very dreams they cherished would one day become a nightmare that neither of them would be able to escape.

Jake parked his bike just outside the cemetery’s chain-link fence, knowing the Barbarian emblem emblazoned on the side would deter anyone from daring to touch it. The cemetery was larger than one might expect for such a small town, serving as the final resting place for the dead from three neighboring communities. Most of the headstones were shrouded in weeds, the graves neglected, their living relatives long gone or uninterested in tending to the past. But one section stood out: the back right corner, reserved for the Barbarians. These were the only headstones that remained meticulously cared for, maintained in a silent rotation by probee members to ensure their fallen brothers had a fitting final resting place. A few stones loomed larger than the rest—those were reserved for the fallen leaders.

Jake meandered toward the newest and largest of them, his bottle of whiskey dangling from his hand. Rex’s full name was chiseled into the gaudy headstone, and a well-known photo of him in his Barbarian attire was prominently displayed in the center. Jake stood there for a moment, staring at the face of the man who had once loomed so large in his life, offering what little respect he had left for him.

But he didn’t linger. His real destination was further back, where Jaxon’s headstone lay. He’d deliberately avoided this spot on the day of Rex’s funeral, unable to face it then. But now, on the anniversary of Jaxon’s death, after a decade away, it felt like a duty—a painful, necessary duty, to pay his best friend a visit.

Jaxon’s headstone was modest in comparison to Rex’s, and Jake couldn’t help but find it absurd. Rex had drunk himself to death, while Jaxon’s death had been a true sacrifice for the Barbarians, a life given for the good of the club. Yet here was Jaxon, buried under a simple stone. Still, it was well cared for, the inscription clear and clean. The photo of Jaxon at seventeen—sandy curls, blue eyes, and that familiar wide grin—was heartbreakingly youthful.

Jake lowered himself to the ground beside the headstone, the weight of ten years of absence pressing down on him. He didn’t say a word, just sat there, the silence of the cemetery wrapping around him as he finally faced the grave of his best friend. The familiar ache of loss and guilt surged through him, the memories of their last days together rushing back, vivid and painful.

“It is a Barbarian’s sworn duty to always serve this family. You have a duty to live and die by the Code of the Barbarians,” Rex barked, his voice harsh and unyielding as Jake struggled to catch his breath. The taste of blood filled his mouth, and he spat it onto the dirt at his feet, the metallic tang lingering as Rex’s words drilled into him. “It is your duty to lay down your life, if need be, for the good of this family. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Jake choked out, his voice strained, the pain in his ribs nearly unbearable.

Rex’s eyes narrowed, his voice rising to a thunderous roar. “I said, do you understand, probee?!”

Jake forced himself to stand taller, summoning every last ounce of strength he had left. “Yes!” he shouted, his voice stronger this time, defiant even in his exhaustion.

A smirk tugged at the corners of Rex’s mouth. “Boys, I think he’s ready.”

Jake turned his head, catching sight of Jax standing beside him, equally battered and bruised. The two of them had endured the same grueling initiation, their bodies screaming in protest from the punishment they’d taken. But despite the pain, they both wore blood-soaked smiles. They had finally done it—after years of dreaming, they had become Barbarians.

The ceremony concluded with the presentation of their jackets, the final symbol of their acceptance into the brotherhood. As the celebration commenced, the aches and pains began to fade, numbed by the countless drinks that were thrust into their hands.

"We did it," Jaxon said, his voice rough with excitement as he playfully shoved Jake. "We finally did it, man. We’re Barbarians."

Jake grinned back, his heart swelling with pride. "That’s right. Real brothers now."

Jaxon shook his head, his sandy curls swaying with the movement. "No, man. We’ve always been real brothers. This just makes it a hell of a lot cooler," he added with a smirk.

They laughed, clinking their glasses together, spilling liquor onto the ground as they toasted to their achievement.

That night, they crashed at Ace’s house, still wrapped in their new jackets, the leather worn but loved. Even as the sun crept up, the sounds of the party filled the house, the energy refusing to die down.

Jaxon groaned as he sat up from the couch, clutching his side where the bruising had already begun to form. He lifted his shirt to examine the damage, wincing at the deep purples and blues blooming across his ribs. But despite the pain, there was a sense of pride that outweighed it all—because they had made it.

Jake shifted on the sofa across from him, groaning as the pain in his muscles made itself known. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, blinking until his gaze locked with Jaxon’s. For a moment, they just stared at each other, taking in the sight of their battered and bruised faces. Then, as if on cue, they both broke into laughter.

"You look like shit," Jaxon joked, grabbing his head as his hangover set in.

"Right back at you," Jake shot back, wincing as he leaned too hard on his elbow.

They gathered themselves as best they could, then dragged their aching bodies toward the backyard where the party was still rolling.

When the rest of the Barbarians saw them, a cheer erupted, beer cans raised high despite the early hour.

"There they are," Rex boomed, pride evident as he clapped them on the shoulders. The boys pretended the movement didn’t hurt like hell.

"How are you two feeling?" Ace asked from a lawn chair, feet propped up, his own hangover evident.

"On top of the world," Jake replied with a smirk, just as a sharp pain shot through his head. "And a little bit like shit."

"Same here," Jaxon agreed, gesturing to his bruised body. "I was drinking to numb this, but I think I might’ve made it worse."

"Bullshit," Riley called from the Blackstone where he was whipping up breakfast. "All you gotta do is keep drinking, and you won’t feel a thing."

"Nothing cures a hangover like an ice-cold beer," Ace chimed in, tossing two beers to Rex from the cooler beside him.

The men cheered as the boys shotgunned the beers, then Riley appeared with a disposable camera while Steeljaw took over the grill.

"Alright boys, smile," Riley instructed as he focused the lens. "We’ve gotta capture this moment."

"We’re proud of you boys," Ace added, raising his can in their direction.

"Damn straight," Rex agreed.

Jaxon threw an arm over Jake’s shoulder, the two of them grinning at one another before turning to the camera. The flash went off, capturing the moment—two brothers bound by blood, brotherhood, and the all too iron-clad loyalty of the Barbarians.

Tears streamed down Jake’s face as the drizzle turned into a steady rain, each drop mingling with the wetness on his cheeks. That memory had once been a beacon of joy, a reminder of simpler, happier times. Now, it was tainted, a bitter reminder of loss.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, man,” Jake whispered, his voice thick with grief, as if Jaxon were sitting right beside him.

“I shouldn’t have listened to Rex. I should’ve been down there with you. Maybe if I was, you’d still be here. Or maybe…” His voice cracked as he lowered his head, fresh sobs wracking his body. “Maybe you’d be here instead of me. You should be here, Jax.”

Jake sat there, the rain soaking him to the bone, but he didn’t care. The bottle of whiskey lay forgotten beside him—somehow, even that wouldn’t dull the pain.

“Jake?”

His head snapped up at the sound of your voice. You stood there, a zipper jacket pulled tight over your growing belly, hood shielding your face as you squinted through the downpour, struggling up the slight incline to reach him.

“Cherry?” Jake’s voice wavered as you drew near, your figure becoming clearer through the haze. “What are you doing out here?”

“I was worried about you,” you replied, breathless as you finally reached him. “Thank God for modern technology and location sharing.”

Your attempt at a lighthearted joke fell flat; Jake’s face remained shadowed with sorrow. Without a word, you lowered yourself beside him, resting your head gently on his shoulder.

The two of you sat in silence, letting the rain pour over you, Jake secretly thankful for the way it disguised the tears that continued to spill from his eyes.

“I miss him,” he confessed, the pain in his voice almost palpable. “He’s supposed to be here.”

“I know, baby,” you murmured, your hand finding his, squeezing gently. Sometimes, there were no words that could offer comfort, only the simple acknowledgment of grief. “I know.”

Jake’s hand unconsciously moved to your round belly, his thoughts drifting to what life would’ve been like if Jaxon were still around, if he could be here to see Jake become a father. He knew, without a doubt, that Jaxon would’ve made the best uncle. They had spent countless hours talking about what it would be like to have little Barbarians of their own. The fact that Jaxon would never see that dream come true gnawed at Jake’s soul.

Just then, a gentle nudge pressed against Jake’s palm. The baby shifted, a tiny movement, but it made you both freeze.

“Did she just…?” Jake’s voice held a glimmer of joy, a sound you hadn’t heard from him in far too long.

You nodded, placing your hand over his, a soft smile playing on your lips. “Yeah, she did.”

For weeks, you had tried to get the baby to move for Jake, but she always seemed to be still whenever he was around. It was as if she was waiting for just the right moment.

Jake closed his eyes, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. In his heart, he took that small kick as a sign—a sign that your little girl already knew her uncle Jax. For all Jake knew, Jaxon was watching over her, waiting for the perfect moment to send her down to meet you both.

Jake gently pressed on your stomach, and the baby responded with another, stronger movement, more pronounced than before. You both laughed in amazement, marveling at the little life inside you.

You sat together in silence, captivated by the way your baby seemed more active than ever.

“She’s never moved this much for me,” you said, laughing softly as you watched Jake’s face light up with wonder.

“So she is a daddy’s girl after all,” he grinned, eyes never leaving your belly.

After a moment, Jake exhaled a deep, weary sigh. “I wanna go home,” he said, his voice heavy with longing.

You placed a gentle hand on his cheek and kissed him softly. “Then let’s go home,” you whispered, your words filled with love and comfort.

Jake stared into Jaxon’s lifeless eyes, desperately willing him to blink away the blood pooling in them. But no miracle came. The cold reality hit him like a sledgehammer; Jaxon was gone. With a trembling, blood-soaked hand, Jake gently closed his friend’s eyelids, sealing the finality of it.

The gunfire had long since ceased, and the roar of engines retreating into the distance signaled the rival gang’s hasty departure. The battlefield was eerily quiet now, save for the anguished shouts of the Barbarians as they scrambled to regroup. But Jake felt detached, like he was watching everything unfold through a thick fog. He wanted to scream for help, but no sound came from his throat, he was paralyzed by the shock of it all.

His eyes swept across the chaotic scene, landing on Nicky, who emerged from behind a large boulder several yards away, the same boulder Jaxon had dashed from when the first shot rang out. The sight of Nicky, unscathed except for a graze on his arm, ignited a slow burn of rage in Jake’s chest.

Just then, Madcap jogged over, his eyes widening in horror as he took in the scene before him. “Oh shit,” he murmured, his voice barely audible. But Jake didn’t acknowledge him, his focus was fixed on Jaxon’s pale, still face.

One by one, more men gathered around, forming a silent circle. Ace was there, his expression stony, and eventually, Rex arrived. One of the men clasped a hand over his mouth, turning away to hide his reaction to the gruesome sight. They all stood frozen, unsure of what to do next. The weight of what had just happened settled heavily over them.

Rex, usually the first to bark out orders, seemed momentarily at a loss. His stern gaze faltered as he looked down at Jaxon’s body, and for a brief second, even he seemed human—vulnerable. But the hesitation was brief. He quickly hardened, barking out commands to the men. “Get him up. Now.”

The men moved slowly, as if reluctant to touch Jaxon, as if moving him would make this tragedy all too real. They began to pry Jake’s arms away, but he was frozen in disbelief, his mind refusing to register the reality of what was happening. He still couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jaxon’s face.

That was when Nicky joined the crowd, clutching his arm where he’d been grazed. Jake’s eyes finally snapped up, locking onto Nicky’s face with a deadly intensity.

“You false fired,” Jake spat, his voice low and filled with venom.

Nicky blinked, feigning confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Jake’s expression twisted in fury. “You fired before the signal,” he growled, his voice gaining strength with each word. “You left me and Jax exposed. And you didn’t even cover him.”

Before anyone could react, Jake lunged at Nicky, his fist connecting with Nicky’s jaw in a vicious punch that sent him reeling. The men rushed in to pull Jake off, but not before he landed another blow. His anger was white-hot, boiling over, his grief fueling every strike. It took several of the Barbarians to finally drag him away, his breath coming in ragged gasps as they held him back.

All Jake could do was watch as they carried Jaxon’s lifeless body away, his heart shattering into pieces he didn’t know how to mend. The reality of what had happened finally started to sink in, leaving a hollow pit in his chest.

This wasn’t just the death of his best friend—it marked the burial of their innocence, the final toll of a life they could never return to. Jaxon’s funeral wasn’t merely a farewell to a fallen brother; it was the funeral of their boyhood dreams, the loss of the idealistic belief that their bond was unbreakable. In its place, a harsh reality settled in—one where loyalty and brotherhood had been betrayed, where the very code they lived by had demanded this terrible sacrifice. This was the true funeral, not just of Jaxon, but of everything they had once held sacred.

Taglist: @edgingthedarkness @earthgrlsreasy @wetkleenex-gvf @hollyco @dannys-dream @slut4lando @josh-iamyour-mama @gretasfallingsky @takenbythemadness @scoreofinfantryvines

[vouam]

I'm gonna be honest, telling fat people "Your body is unhealthy, go fix your lifestyle" is not really body neutrality. It's the same thing any random fatphobic person tells us every day.

I get that there's an issue with the body positivity movement relying too much on just sexualizing women. But there's one thing that movement has that I have just never, ever gotten from the body neutrality movement, and that is kindness. The world tells me I'm disgusting and worthless, and the response of body neturality people is, well, very neutral. It's mostly a "Whatever. You shouldn't care about that. Also eat healthier lol".

Body positivity, however flawed it may be, at least shows kindness and understanding. And has the courage to actually disagree and outright say "No, your body is not disgusting. You are allowed to exist the way you are and you can still find love and happiness". Which are extremely normal things to want, but when fat people want them, the body neutrality position say that it's suddenly bad to even say that because it means you're defining your worth via your desireabilty too much and you should just learn to not care that people find you gross and will never want you (and also you should really stop being so lazy and learn some self control when it comes to food).

I hear you, and thank you for sharing your perspective.

I feel like I’ve seen a lot of ‘body neutralist’ conversations being led by gym-bro types that basically just say ‘it’s toxic to say everybody is beautiful, its enabling fat people, they need to just be healthy’ and I really don’t like that because it feels like they’re missing the point of why I like the movement.

While I agree that someones worth and desirability shouldn’t be determined by their size, I would never say that they are wrong for wanting to be loved/desired while being fat.

People have this misconception all the time that overweight/underweight means unhealthy. In extreme cases of course it is, but sometimes people are quick to label someone as unhealthy from just a number on the scales, when in reality everyone is different - you can be ‘overweight’ and healthier than someone who isn’t, the BMI scale is awful 😭 The body neutralist movement would (I guess should, in an ideal world) tell people that they don’t need to change themselves if they don’t look like the typical standard of beauty, and instead the only weight advice would be given by a doctor, asking if someones weight could be causing them problems/worsening problems that are already there. (And yes I’m aware that often doctors do this too much, and ignore other possible factors just because of someone’s weight..)

I’m kind of between two sides when it comes to a lot of things. Like for example I don’t like when the body positivity movement implies that people don’t need to change their body when they are actually unhealthy due to their weight. They would never say it to someone who is underweight due to anorexia nervosa, then why say it to someone who is overweight from a different type of eating disorder. But I say that I’m between two sides because I understand that fat people face a lot more abuse and less compassion/sympathy over their weight than underweight people. Being underweight is often seen as desirable and overweight isn’t. People deserve to always feel kindness no matter their size. And a lot of buddy neutralists need to learn that it is not easy to change your weight, for both mental and physical reasons. They shouldn’t be hounded at for not being the epitome of a healthy body.

I really enjoy this discussion, please feel free (and others who see this too) to share your opinions on this. I’ve never been fat, so I really don’t think I’m the best person to speak about the negative sides of the movement. But of course I would love to hear more, there are probably things I’ve never even thought about.

[laurelindebear]

I wonder how much of the 'Mary Sue' thing is born of insecurity. I am always afraid of my characters being Mary Sues because I am deeply insecure and have a really baked-in fear of being unlikeable, cringey, annoying, burdensome...of existing, really, in a way which others can perceive negatively. Perfection is the path to love and acceptance and worth (for me; I can and do love others even while acknowledging their faults. Or at least I think I love them as far as I understand love, which is possibly not far.) (I am aware this is hugely fucked up, almost as much as my parentheses usage.)

But when I roleplay or create characters, my biggest power fantasy is 'kinda like me, but better in every way'. I want to be good, I want to be courageous and noble and heroic and strong in all the ways I am not in real life. I've had some chaotic-neutral type characters in RP, but even there they have often trended towards goodness and altruism over time, or at least have a solid moral code.

I've never made it through an 'evil' playthrough of a game. It's not fun, I don't want to do it. Maybe that means I'm not, deep down, inherently cruel and harmful. Maybe it just reminds me too much of the darkness I know is there that I have to try to keep locked down. I suspect it's the latter.

If I want to put a character in a world to, on some level, act out an imaginary scenario for myself, I do feel pressure to make them 'special' in some ways. Partly this is so they'll be interesting, but partly it's so they'll be worthy and good enough to 'earn' their place somehow. Because even in my own fantasies, I am not and could never be brave enough, clever enough, interesting enough, and certainly not beautiful enough to be worthy of renown, of adventure, of great deeds, of love, of power, of desire. So it has to be someone else that's relatable enough, but far, far better than me. How realistic can they be, if I'm real, and I'm not enough?

Given all that, it would hardly be surprising if I ended up with Mary Sues. No lesser figure could carry that much weight.

[leclercsbf]

I need the director's cut for the hours i lost because this was so beautifully heartbreaking i'm not over it yet 🥺🥺🥺

ant, hello! ♥️ really sorry for breaking your heart and charles’. i’ll write a happier fic next time (or at least i hope i will), but for now you can find the outline and some commentary for the hours i lost under the cut! this is pretty long, so consider yourself warned.

↳ fanfic writers: director’s cut !

i wrote this on the exact same day that the idea came to me, which is pretty rare considering the fact that i have more than a thousand ideas in my phone’s notes prompt graveyard. like most fic ideas, this stemmed from a Shower Thought, and this was the general premise i typed out as soon as i stepped out of the bathroom:

charlos future fic where they’re both old and retired and charles has won multiple wdcs like he’s been dreaming he would for so long but now he wonders what life would have been like if had just allowed himself to love carlos like he wanted to, if he had allowed carlos to love him like carlos wanted to. he wonders if having his name permanently etched into the history of the sport is worth not being with the one person who matters most. he wonders if it’s worth watching carlos walk down the altar, if it’s worth watching carlos build a home with someone who isn’t him. it had felt worth it at the time. now he’s not so sure. it’s too late, though. no point thinking about things he can’t change. when he wakes up, the world will still be turning. life goes on.

from there, i hashed out a few bullet points using the things i wanted to include in the fic. my outlines are typically more elaborate, but i knew this piece wouldn’t be very long so i didn’t put too much weight in planning. if you look through some of the sentences below (and in the general premise above), you’ll notice that some of them remained unchanged and were added to the fic as is. some details were altered just so i could get my ideas and words to flow better.

fic is structured in a way that shows snapshots of his life

maybe charles lives in monaco or ibiza (if it’s ibiza maybe it’s because it’s carlos’ home but it’s not, and maybe this is the closest charles could be, the closest he could allow himself to be)

maybe charles gets called into maranello for some event or other, maybe he bumps into carlos there

show him spending some time with family, arthur is in f1 so every free day counts

during his last summer break in formula one, charles meets a redhead who doesn’t recognize him, who doesn’t remind him of anyone he knows. for a night, charles lets himself forget.

carlos had retired before charles did, and by the time a year had passed he was already married and expecting his first child. carlos confesses that he had needed something to anchor him outside of racing, because if he didn’t have anything to hold onto he would have gone back to the sport (“he would have gone back to charles remains unspoken”, but they both know the words are sitting in the back of carlos’ throat)

charles had only let himself give in once, in singapore. they had been drunk—charles on whatever he’d found at the hotel bar, carlos on champagne and club liquor and the high of a race win—and in the dim light carlos had called him cariño, tesoro, mi cielo. in the dim light, charles stops himself from saying i love you, but he thinks his eyes might have given him away. in the morning, they don’t talk about it. [i wrote more in this bullet point, but it remained relatively unchanged in the fic save for a few words.]

carlos visits charles and they get to talking. “i think about us sometimes.” “i do, too. we’ve had a good run, no?” charles watches him leave. he would never dream of tearing down the life carlos had built for himself.

charles thinks about arthur, and he thinks about ollie, and he thinks about bravery. he thinks about all the ways he and arthur are similar, about all the ways that they’re not.

these notes already fairly long for such a short fic, but because i’m usually incapable of writing without having a shit ton of planning beforehand, i also made a timeline of years and the important events that occurred in each one.

2024: max wdc 2025: CL1 (charles’ first title) 2026: CL2 2027: CS1 (carlos’ first title) 2028: CS2 2029: CL3 2030: CL4 2031: CS3, carlos retires after the season 2032: CL5, carlos is married with a kid on the way 2033: CL6 2034: CL7 2035: CL8, charles retires after the season

it’s extremely optimistic of me to create a timeline where charles was able to beat schumi’s record, but i figured that losing carlos is painful enough that charles at least deserves to set a bunch of new records in exchange for his loneliness. but yeah, this timeline made it easier to work around the non-linear narration since it allowed me to create reference points for myself. i always write fics from start to finish regardless of the actual order of events, so having a roadmap of sorts basically greased the gears. but yeah, that’s pretty much it in terms of my writing process for this fic! i’m not entirely sure if my long and winding notes are of any interest, but if they are, i hope this was an interesting read. again, thanks so much for this ask! ♥️ babbling about notes is pretty fun.

[pure-ablution]

How I achieved my dream body

This is perhaps quite a controversial topic, and I’d like to make the point that this post isn’t advice to anyone. This blog is first and foremost my own personal archive, and I’m making this post for myself, so that I can return to my routine if ever necessary. If you find these tips helpful for your own situation, then I’ll be glad for you, but I don’t want to encourage anyone to undertake strict dietary restrictions and exercises which might not work for them, and might not be best for their mental or physical health.

I never underwent extremely drastic changes when it came to my body; I was slim to begin with, but I had more fat than was best for my bone structure and body type, and so working on losing a few pounds and decreasing my proportions made a huge difference to my looks and my self esteem. I went from a US size 4 to a 00, I did it very slowly over 2 years, and now at the other end I’ve found that my clothes hang so much better, my face is so much prettier without a layer of fat hiding my features, and overall my appearance is much cleaner and looks much more cohesive. I don’t have any cellulite anymore, and I love my body—I feel confident in every outfit and in nothing at all.

Fasting and calorie deficits

I’ve always found that fasting helps to clear my head and better my concentration, and when I started at uni, I began fasting regularly for the cognitive benefits. This also had the added effect of weight loss, and I find that fasting is a really easy way for me to maintain a steady loss and quickly rectify overindulgences. I don’t have much of an appetite due to my medication, and I think that’s why fasting is so easy for me; I just don’t feel hungry when fasting, and in fact, it seems to energise me. I tried intermittent fasting, but it didn’t work all that well for me, so now I stick to a routine that has given me the best proven results in terms of weight and mental energy: a 5:2 diet, with a 24 hour fast weekly, and a 72 hour fast once a month.

When I was actively trying to lose weight, I maintained quite a strict calorie deficit, but once I hit my target weight and began working on body recomposition, I stopped with the deficit and began to maintain. I eat without worrying about calories now, but I still track my food intake to maintain discipline, and so that I can retrace my steps if problems ever arise.

Finding a gym I loved

I tried going to the free university gym during my first year, but I think I went a total of about 3 times for the whole year. I hated that gym; it was an hour’s walk away from my accommodation, it was poorly-equipped, and I felt self-conscious surrounded by students. When I started my second year, I made the decision to invest in a membership to a beautiful high-end gym much closer to me, and I go every single day—usually twice a day!—to use the equipment, attend classes, and take a sauna. It’s expensive, but I think I get my money’s worth, and the selection of classes is amazing. I have my classes on rotation, but I mostly stick to mat and reformer pilates, barre, aerobics, tai chi/qigong, and iyengar yoga. I use the treadmill and weights every single day, and I try to swim at least once a week. I go early in the morning, so the gym is quiet, but everyone I meet in class is always so friendly, and the atmosphere is just really welcoming and encouraging. Having a sauna so nearby to me is a big drive, too, and in the early days I used the sauna as a reason for me to go to the gym and work out; I absolutely love saunas so it worked really well as a kind of self-bribery.

Walking everywhere, on the flat

I can’t drive, so I made the decision not to buy a bike and thus forced myself into walking everywhere. I try to hit a minimum of 10,000 steps every day, but most days I clock up something closer to 15,000–20,000 just by running errands, visiting friends, and attending classes. Walking helps me so much with my posture, and sometimes it feels as though the fat is just melting off through this very low-impact but constant exercise. My body puts on muscle quickly, and so walking on the flat without any incline puts the least amount of strain on my muscles and prevents my legs from bulking up; my university town is extremely flat so this isn’t much of a problem, but when I’m in my hilly hometown, I tend to swap out my outdoor walking for the treadmill.

Low weights, high reps

I was afraid of lifting weights for a long time because my body is naturally very prone to putting on muscle, and I wanted to look soft and slender with minimal muscle definition. I used to only do exercises using resistance and my own bodyweight, but my gym offered a womens-only beginners’ weightlifting class and I joined out of curiosity. I’m not going to say that my mindset and routine have been completely changed, but weightlifting has helped to round out my hips, lift my butt and chest, and generally smooth out my figure in a way that cardio and calisthenics cannot, and so light weights with high repetitions have found their way into my routine. I usually use free weights, but I also like the P.Volve system if I’m working out at home or travelling.

Intense and regular massage

Massage is the key to almost everything in my opinion, and it’s played a crucial role in my body’s shaping. I deeply massage and stretch my muscles before and after exercise to encourage them to grow long and lean rather than short and thick, I use a fascia blaster and vibration therapy to rid my body of cellulite, I use a dry brush, gua sha and movement cups on my body almost every single day to encourage circulation and tone, and I see professionals for very regular massage, acupuncture/acupressure, and chiropractic therapies so that my skeleton is well-aligned and my particularly problematic muscles and veins are kept in check. I think that, without massage and other such treatments, I’d be in significant pain and my body wouldn’t look and feel as smooth and supple as it does now; I probably wouldn’t have managed to achieve my fitness goals due to muscle spasms and bulky areas, and I’d be suffering inside and out.

Prioritising protein, fat, and fibre

My diet is strict and it follows a philosophy that I consider to be very organic and very feminine in content. That sounds a little like hogwash, but I really do believe that women should eat differently from men; we should eat much more fat to nourish us, and we should incorporate ingredients that support our hormones and other bodily systems in the proper way. I make almost all of my meals from scratch, and I try to buy seasonal and locally-produced ingredients, since it makes very logical sense to me to eat in accordance with nature’s original intention. Of course, I indulge in exotic fruit and meals at restaurants, but for me these are special treats, not regular occurrences, and I do stay very disciplined in my everyday diet. I eat a lot of seafood, a lot of whole dairy, a lot of organ meats and homemade broths, and I’m always trying new juice recipes and ways to incorporate more vegetables and whole fibres into my diet. I don’t deny myself anything except fast food, and I don’t believe in following diets that cut out whole food groups, but I do try to prioritise what makes me feel energised and has the best effect on my skin and hair.

Lots and lots of sparkling water

I’m a total sparkling water addict, I admit it, and sparkling water is such a godsend in so many different ways. It has filled me up on days when I was starving hungry, it’s tasty and can be found in so many different flavours, and it’s a much healthier option than fizzy pop but much more interesting than plain old still water. I keep bottles and bottles of the stuff in the fridge, and I drink it plain, infuse it with chopped fruit, and mix with cordials for a drink that makes it fun for me to hit my hydration goals and helps me to maintain my diet.

Supplements and medication

I’ll be completely frank, and say that the biggest help when it came to discipline and appetite suppression was my ADHD medication. I’d never in a million years suggest taking medication you don’t need; Vyvanse is a dangerous drug without medical supervision, but in my case it was medically necessary. I could suddenly think clearer, and my cravings for foods entirely disappeared, I no longer found myself eating out of boredom, and my appetite was suppressed to the point that I had to set alarms to remind myself to eat. It’s not something I'd recommend unless you need it, but I’d be lying if I said that I lost weight without the help of medication.

I also took supplements throughout my journey, and I found that taking apple cider vinegar and a high-dose liquid B12 vitamin helped quite a lot with losing and maintaining my weight. I took multivitamins and calcium supplements to help boost my nutrition when I was in a calorie deficit, and when I started weightlifting, then I took small amounts of protein powder and creatine in my smoothies. Supplements helped me a lot with maintaining my overall health during a period of stress for my body, and amplified the results of my efforts, but you definitely can’t lose weight through supplements alone.

Diligently tracking my progress

Discipline was crucial to my success, and there were many days when I wanted to cheat on my diet or exercise routine, but didn’t, because I didn’t want to be held accountable for my laziness when it came to tracking it in my diary. I tracked absolutely everything and still do, from my food and water intake to my vitamin levels and my exercise routine. I had specific and incremental goals for weights, percentages, and measurements, I took regular photos of myself for comparison, and I used waist beads as a physical reminder of my progress. Consistency is the key for amazing results, and the only way I can assure my consistency is to note it down and hold it up against my past track record.

Focusing on my assets and faking the rest

Nobody is perfect, and I don’t believe that anyone can truly achieve their ‘dream body’ without a little faking it. Personally, I focused on bringing my natural assets up to an extreme level—so for me, that was shrinking my waist down as much as possible—and then I turned to fakery for the rest. I had minimally-invasive lipo shots for areas where I naturally held onto fat, I used RF microneedling to tighten my skin and remove stretch marks, and I had ultrasonic cavitation to eliminate cellulite and create an almost unnaturally smooth surface to my body. After losing weight, I found that my breasts weren’t as full as I would have liked, and I still had hip dips, so I now use high-quality silicone pads to fill out my silhouette and create a smoother, curvier shape. Perhaps in the future I’ll look at fat transfers or implants, but for now I’m happy without surgery, and I look incredible with my fake boobs and hips.

[thefinalboss387]

Xehanort is a character that I have... complicated feelings about.

I truly want to love him, and on paper he has a lot of qualities that I typically like in villain characters. Buuuuuuut...

(This a long and spoilery post, so it’s under the cut!)

In a lot of ways, Xehanort is very similar to the character of Palpatine from Star Wars. I just recently posted a very long, rambly, half-coherant post about how much I love Palpatine and how he checks all the right boxes for me in what I love in a character. I actually just now, a few minutes before typing this, realized that Death Battle even did a Palpatine vs. Xehanort episode... which is pretty cool. I’ve compared the two in my mind for a long time... but, in my opinion, Palpatine is Xehanort done RIGHT.

Don’t worry - this post will NOT be a comparison between the two characters, I only bring this up because a lot of the positives I’m about to highlight are also positives I see in the character of Palpatine, one of my favorite characters of all time. So despite any negatives I’m about to talk about, the potential is most definitely there for Xehanort to blow me away and become one of my all-time faves.

If you are a fan of Xehanort, please don’t come at me with hate or anything like that. Honestly, I want to like Xehanort. There is a reason I’m posting this in his tags - I’m not trying to hate on the character or say he is bad, I’m just laying out my issues (AND the things I like about him!) and why I think he could have been done SO much better. So if you have reasons for loving him, or have respectful counter-arguments to my points, I would love to hear them. Maybe, and hopefully, you can change my mind and make me love the character again.

Xehanort’s past is given to us very slowly, bit by bit, layer by layer, which I actually rather liked. With each game, you learned more about where he came from, what he was up to, what he wanted. Xehanort’s story is one loaded with manipulating everyone around him, finding young people to mentor before slowly corrupting and possessing their bodies, remorselessly discarding people that no longer serve any use to him... all qualities that I LOVED about Palpatine, and his status as a manipulative mastermind type of villain. Xehanort is the one personally responsible for pretty much all of the events of the Kingdom Hearts series.

I love characters, especially villains, that take on mentorship roles. Mentoring youth is a topic that carries a lot of weight and personal relevance to me, and I find it fun to explore all facets of that, even with villainous characters that inject toxicity to those relationships. Exploring how those types of relationships can go so wrong, or even exploring the good that may come out of otherwise irredeemable sociopaths through their mentoring. And Xehanort has a lot of these.

Xehanort manipulates Terra into believing he is the only one on his side, acting caring and supportive, only to eventually possess his body. He takes on Ventus as a pupil, and when Ventus proves to be too soft for what Xehanort has in store, he unlocks his dark side in Vanitas and takes him in as a pupil instead, manipulating the two boys to eventually clash for his benefit. He begins to offer guidance and support to Riku, only to possess his body as well. He takes on disciples in the form of Organization XIII, misinforms and practically brainwashes them all into doing his bidding, and begins a process to eventually - you guessed it - possess all of their bodies as well. He manipulates all of these people, and every iteration of Xehanort is campy, dramatic, and fun to watch. He even eventually makes plans to turn Sora, the hero of the story and his greatest enemy, into one of his pawns and new bodies.

All of that is AMAZING, and lays the groundwork for a really compelling villain.

It’s also worth noting that Xehanort DOES have something I love that Palpatine does not; the ability to transform into cool final boss forms. The final boss sequences of Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II, and the crazy forms that Ansem and Xemnas take on, are highlights of the entire series for me. Even Kingdom Hearts III’s final boss sequence kiiiiiiiiind of counts I guess, though I found it disappointing compared to the others. Give me giant monstrous dragon-esque forms over a suit of armor any day!!

My main issue is.... there’s a point where Xehanort stops feeling like an actual character, and starts feeling more like a lifeless plot device?

Throughout the series, we meet many different iterations of Xehanort. At first, most of them pop up one at a time and that’s fine. But then, as the series goes on and time travel becomes a thing, all of these iterations start showing up all at once, all doing different things and all effectively acting as their own unique characters.

If we take out the Organization XIII members that are far along on their “getting possessed” journey and just have some Xehanort influence on their own personalities, and JUST count the different iterations of Xehanort himself, we haaaaaave....

Young Xehanort, who is Master Xehanort as a youth. This is the iteration that introduces time travel and starts all of these iterations acting independently and existing all at the same time.

Master Xehanort, Xehanort’s “true” form and an old man.

Terra-Xehanort, Master Xehanort possessing Terra’s body. He gains amnesia and begins acting as Ansem’s lab assistant, but it is speculated (but not decisively answered) whether he actually has amnesia or if it’s a ruse.

Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, Terra-Xehanort’s Heartless, who goes on to possess Riku’s body. He also steals the real Ansem’s name to make things just a little more plot twist-y and convoluted.

Xemnas, Terra-Xehanort’s Nobody. Honestly, I’ve come to think of him as probably my favorite of Xehanort’s iterations - he shows so much manipulation in his dealings with Organization XIII, he fights by flinging freakin’ BUILDINGS at you, he has two red lightsabers to REALLY cement the Palpatine comparisons, HE is the iteration that gets closure on Xehanort’s history with Ansem the Wise... Of all of these iterations, Xemnas is the one that, to me, feels the most like Xehanort’s successor in the overall narrative.

For most of the games of the series, only one iteration of Xehanort showed up at a time. Ansem and Xemnas existed at the same time due to the nature of Heartless and Nobodies, but they are met and dealt with completely independently in different games. No big deal. But when time travel becomes a thing, and five different, unique Xehanorts are running around with personalities and relationships of their own, not to mention all of the other characters with a piece of Xehanort inside of them that are beginning to adopt his ambitions and philosophies, things start to feel really muddled. And that’s not even counting things like his secret “No Heart” armored boss fight and things like that.

Can Xehanort be considered a character if he is actually somehow multiple faces, multiple personalities, multiple identities, multiple characters at once? You have to go through so many character pages on the Kingdom Hearts Wiki just to get this one character’s full story and history.

I feel like Xehanort - XEHANORT, the big villain of the series and amazing manipulative mastermind extraordinaire - can’t really be a favorite character. He almost feels like a concept. An idea. Each of his individual parts all feel like fully fleshed-out, complete characters worthy of being a favorite, and sure, they do each carry certain traits in common... but they all have completely different personalities, different quirks, different faces, different voice actors, different relationships with different characters, different abilities and strengths, different weapons... is it really fair to say that all of that is just one character? It almost feels like it’s cheating.

For most of the series, all of these different iterations led into each other, mapping out just how deeply Xehanort’s manipulations and possessing went. When you consider each version of Xehanort to be a different chapter of his story, it still worked. But when the last few games messed with time travel and made all of these forms independent of each other and coexisting, each one continuing the relationships and feuds exclusive to each of them, it just starts to feel muddled and confusing. I would have much rather seen one form of Xehanort bouncing around and causing havoc to all of his old adversaries and pawns, having the memories and experiences of all his former selves, to tie all of his iterations together and add to his continuity. Instead, the series decided to add to the continuity of each individual piece of Xehanort and give each of them closure independent of each other, which does a disservice to Xehanort as a whole.

I’m probably overthinking this. I love Kingdom Hearts. A lot of my favorite gaming experiences ever came from the Kingdom Hearts franchise. I have a lot of fond memories of the series and its characters. Roxas and Axel/Lea are particular favorites of mine, and I’ll always love the series for incorporating Disney characters - especially the Disney villains. It just kills me because Xehanort has so many things that, on paper, would guarantee him a spot on my list of favorite characters of all time. I just can’t get over that hurdle of feeling like he is more of a concept than a character at this point. All they had to do, I feel, was give Xehanort one “self” to fuse all of the past Xehanorts together and give the overall character a sense of continuity and closure, instead of reviving all of his past selves separately.

When the final battle of Kingdom Hearts III happens, it feels like we are taking down Master Xehanort, the antagonist of Birth by Sleep, NOT the antagonist that has been plaguing us throughout the entire franchise.

[polarisbibliotheque]

Little longish update!

Hello my awesome people, I hope you're all doing great 🖤

I've been quiet for a while because of my recovery - turns out getting better is messier than getting sick HAHAHA but guess I'll go through it.

Got another appointment with my nutritionist on monday and last month I already managed to put up some weight, so that's a huge win!!

Unfortunately, my mind's been running low with ideas to write currently, and I do apologize. Also, to everyone interacting with me, I WILL ANSWER YOU LOVELY BEINGS PROPERLY 🖤🖤 I hadn't had enough energy to do it currently T-T

I will muster my energy to reply to every single of you gentle souls out here, but do know you make my days shine brighter and I'm endlessly thankful to all of you in this blog 🥰

On a side note, I feel like I'm getting myself back - can't quite explain it, but it's such a beautiful feeling. My sister took me to the Guns n' Roses concert last weekend and hell, I didn't know I freaking NEEDED that in my life!!

Guns IS on my Top 5 favourite bands of all time, I know all lyrics and useless trivia, I fangirl for all of them and my heart almost jumped from my chest when I saw the packed stadium. I forgot how much I LOVE this kind of stuff!!

Of course, next day I had absolutelly no voice thanks Mr. Axl Rose for making me scream like the damned for 3h straight and I literally couldn't get up from my bed, but hell.... It was SO worth it!

Don't recommend this kind of craziness when you're recovering your health, don't be reckless like me 🙃

I'm feeling my energy and sense of self slowly coming back, I just have to manage my week schedule and make up a better routine. I'll include dropping by to chat with you guys more frequently and update with stories at least once /twice a month!

It's a work in progress, though - but I thank you all for being in this journey here with me, always hoping my stories can bring you some light or warmness ^^

Also, I just found out Slash has a chronic heart condition and was given 6 weeks to live, with prospects of having a heart failure and transplant, and the man is alive and kicking, freaking ripped and rocking out on the stage 20 years after...

Well. I'm kinda very emotional right now, 'cause suddenly my prospects of 12 years of healthy living until a liver transplant or failure doesn't sound that bad. Who knows, maybe with looking out for my health and keeping great habits in that department, I might just kick this illness in the ass for a while just like he's doing!

I never realized how looking at someone with a similar condition and seeing them pushing against the odds was so... Hopeful, I guess. I think that's what people mean when they say representation matters - this feeling.

Who would've know, my health role model and angel of hope would be THE Slash from Gn'R, notoriously known for giving no f*cks regarding basically everything in life

Well, I hope you are all healthy, well and reading great stories. I wish you can all find your lights of hope in the darkness, even if they aren't really the "midfulness gratitude" type ^^

I mean... Mine is a guitarrist with a top hat who happens to be a snake enthusiast. Hope comes in all shapes and sizes I guess xD

AND I WILL ANSWER TO MY INBOX MESSAGES JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL MY ENERGY AND ~M O T I V A T I O N~ IS BACK!! Really, thank you guys for being so kind and wonderful to me, I hope to give it back to you.

See you soon!! 🖤

My rockstar guardian angel cheking on me after a long rough month, exclusive images.

[deepworkspace]

How did I get to where I am today?

I mean it always starts with a vision I wanted to be a career woman and a family woman I wanted it all, and I had it all. Everything was falling into place it wasn’t easy, I mean I knew the road to success wasn’t a straight road so part of me was prepared for some struggles. My consulting business was starting to form, my relationship was blooming and work was making sense.

It was like a storm hit, one thing after the other. Everything started to get so demanding, I was game to take on every challenge that came my way. I was committed, I had the answers for everything except what motherhood was about to dish me. I welcomed motherhood with open arms. I had plans to work through my pregnancy I believed that it was going to be manageable, I had a great support system, I knew what I was doing at work. I had a plan that made me feel like I had it all figured out.

Then boom I started spotting after 6 weeks I thought I was going to lose my baby I was already mentally invested in becoming a mom. I felt like God was testing me seeing if I was really about that life, seeing what was I willing to sacrifice to keep my baby. I quit my job, I stopped all business projects literally went on bed rest, I felt like everything else could come back but me having a baby was now or never. Those sacrifices were only the beginning, my morning sickness was so severe I had to take nausea pills, I lost weight, had nights I had to go to urgent care to receive IV because my body didn’t have any nutrients left. The doctor there even told me that at the rate I was going, the baby would survive but I wouldn’t. So It was important that I really try hard to take care of myself.

I went day and night curled up in the bed by myself not wanting to be touched or even seen, I didn’t even want to smell. I kept the house at 68 degrees it was like a freezer, that was the only way I got through my days. Eventually things got better, but it was days I was so sick it felt like it was just me, God and my baby. It was my most traumatic blessings. You’d think with losing everything I worked for and the relationship issues I faced I would run but I turned around to have two more daughters with the same experience. Through all the pain I faced in pregnancy I found ways to endure. Everyday I was fighting depression and darkness but the love that I have was stronger than it all. I knew it was only for the moment and I would get through. The love I tapped into having my children was worth the sacrifices I made, they bring me so much joy and purpose they made me into a woman and grew me spiritually. I pray everyday that God protects and provide for our family. 🤎

But with this new discovery of love I’ve lost myself. A few years have passed and now I’m looking at who I used to be and I admire her. I ask myself who am I now? what do I want with my life? Am I just Mommy now? I’ve given so much and I’m still so young, I have great potential but what is it that I want and who am I now other than Mommy? What type of woman am I? What do I want? Though I was a extrovert woman before I’m a introvert mother now... as I navigate Motherhood I’m on the journey of re-self discovery self care and growth in womanhood.

[moodymisty]

✨Your Lingerie vs The Bad Batch✨

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙| 𝕬𝖔3]

Authors note: These may or may not have inspired some fic wips send help

Relationships: Hunter/Fem!Reader, Tech/Fem!Reader, Echo/Fem!Reader, Wrecker/Fem!Reader, Crosshair/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Lewd but not full NSFW but still 18+ only please, Mentions of Lingerie and other naughty-ish things

✦ Echo ✦

Echo is a simple man. He loves the classics; Delicate lace and soft edges, not too aggressive but not too demure.

But he'll also be onboard with whatever you like the most, as your confidence is just as much of a turn-on as the outfit itself. But if he ever had to think of something that would really get his engine going...

While Echo may have traded out of his reg armor when he decided to join Clone Force 99- changing into black and red paint to fit along side them- he'll still always have a weakness for you wearing something colored in that ever distinctive 501st blue.

✦ Tech ✦

Tech loves elegance. He is as clean cut as he can reasonably get given his circumstances, and has a guilty(but not at all guilty) desire for seeing you in the same.

When he thinks of lingerie he instantly thinks of slips and corsets; Things an heiress or princess would wear. They make you feel expensive, like you should be walking down a palace hall with a robe worth double it's weight in credits.

If you ever chose wear something like that? Blue screen. Full kernel error. 404 'Tech.exe' not found. His hands will gently lay against your thighs and feel both your skin and the fabric underneath his palms, face boiling hot while you however, feel incredibly pleased.

✦ Hunter ✦

Hunter secretly loves letting you have the lead every now and again, and he's able to let himself melt under your touch. But he's has never actually said it out loud, even if you already knew.

One day you decided to really capitalize it, having invited him to your home while he was on shore leave.

You'd kissed him and before long, decided to tell him you needed to change really quick. Hunter found it a little odd, but watched as you ran off like you were about to open Life Day presents, swiping something from your closet on the way.

You returned a few minutes later dolled up in with jet black, full garter belt and stockings. Hunter's throat choked up so that he grew almost silent, to the point that you worried you didn't look as good as you felt.

That turned out to not be the case, and Hunter enjoyed playing that night what he felt was maybe a little too much.

You still have that same set packed away in a safe spot, breaking it out every now and again when Hunter gives you that look.

✦ Wrecker ✦

You had tried the whole 'fancy lingerie' thing before, as a surprise when Wrecker had a rare bit of shore leave after a longer than usual deployment.

And while it certainly didn't go badly, not a set of even the most expensive lingerie could beat the way his chest tightens at the sight of you wearing his own clothes.

Having once decided to steal one of his black undershirts, the sleeves went down past your hands and the bottom went to your thighs, as it was meant for someone far larger than you.

When he'd caught you in the process of stealing it, you had jokingly asked how it looked; fingers grasping the bottom hem and spanning the fabric out on either side.

Wrecker figured out words weren't going to work when he spit out 'you good look yeah', which make you bust out laughing, then he busted out laughing in response to you; Before he just decided to pick you up and move you to a more desirable locale.

✦ Crosshair ✦

Crosshair more so wants the outfit to fit the scenario. Wearing some soft lace and ruffles? Best become pliant and behaved under his hands.

Pulling on a more demure type of slip, that you'd almost be scared to touch with rough hands ? Crosshair can corrupt you, while watching fabric worth far more than its weight in credits softly rub against your thighs.

Jet black or fire red bras and garter belts with tight, harsh seams? Not many can tame a clone like him, but he'd love to see you try.

Crosshair will always be a brat, but it's a matter of which type of brat you're getting. Lingerie helps set the mood, though he won't admit he also likes the rare feeling of softness against his skin.

[bratz-kitten]

random thoughts on the moon signs

moon in pisces is literally my favorite placement ever. something about these people makes me feel safe. as a capricorn moon, i repress my emotions constantly and i’m deadly afraid of showing vulnerability, but pisces moons give off this vibe of constantly being consumed by their emotions – and it’s fascinating. you make me feel like it’s okay to express my deeply emotional side; even better, you encourage it. you’re the type of people who i love crying with while eating ice cream, even cuddling with. your empathy and passion for your interests is your biggest strength.

moon in aquarius reminds me of that shrek quote of him being an onion – you guys have layers upon layers upon layers. my brother is an aquarius moon and sometimes i feel like i’m the only person who knows how emotional he really is. you hate showing this part of yourself – it’s hidden safely from prying hands; you racionalize your emotions, repress them, attempt to conceal them; but ultimately, your deeply compassionate and intuitive nature will be shown – even if only to the very few you trust. your dreams are your biggest strength.

i have never met a cancer moon without raging mommy issues yet who was deeply attached to their mother. you always share this very close bond and she’s very present in your life – yet its so obviously this very toxic dynamic. you guys get this fame for being the only ones with ‘stable’ emotions because your moon is exalted but you’re like.. not. your emotions aren’t stable; much on the contrary, and even if you’re very emotional, you don’t particularly like showing it. most of the cancer moons i’ve known are iffy about expressing their feelings. you joke a lot about your trauma, though, and so you give people the impression of knowing you when really, they don’t know the half of it.

moon in sagittarius makes it feel like life is worth living. you dream so much and so high; you’re so open about your love for adventure and freedom, so optimistic and fun-loving – to the point where most people don’t understand how turbulent your emotions are underneath the façade. you give off the vibe of the funny friend who’s depressed and afraid to show it because you’re supposed to be the one who raises the spirits. doesn’t it hurt when you try opening up to others and they almost seem bothered by it because they prefer it when you’re just this bubble of fun? you need to learn to take that weight off your shoulders – stop trying to entertain others and realize that they’re the ones who need to entertain you. this is your show, baby. your resilience is your strength.

is it possible to be a capricorn moon without having strict parents and a terrible childhood in which you had to raise yourself? because i think it’s kind of a given. it’s so funny how literally everyone sees you as this cold, unemotional, strong person yet you probably cry everyday. a lot of problems with self-worth every time you’re in a bad place mentally, which is constantly. extremely calculating – you always do shit with a clear purpose in mind and it can come off like you’re using people for your own gains. your ability to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against you is your strength. i almost feel like you thrive on pain because that’s how you’ve learned to grow and adapt.

moon in aries people are so smart, and most of all, dedicated. you make me want to get my life together so bad – you’re the type of people to set a goal and go through with it no matter what. you’re always on to something, looking for opportunities and recognition. you see what you want and you go for it. you’re so easy to rile up and lose it, though, it’s so funny how you’re so bold and passionate yet so big of a crybaby (all aries placements are tbh).

moon in scorpio stop being so pessimistic pleathe i will kiss you in the lips just don’t lose your faith in humanity /yet/. trust is the most important thing in the world to you which is funny because you have raging trust issues. so sensitive but you cover that up with anger. you be looking like you wanna commit sporadic murder when on the inside you’re just so hurt. you’re so dependable, things might be in deep shit but as soon as you’re in the room i know we’ll find a way to fix it. if the l*ve of my life doesn’t end up being a scorpio moon i’ll be so pissed.

moon in leo YOU’RE SO INFURIATING PLEASE SHUT UP OR I’LL FUCK YOU??????? massive egos, you know you’re the shit and you won’t shut up about it. likes to start arguments just to rile everyone up and then laugh maniacally in the corner at the chaos they created. always have a wicked plan in mind and i’ll go along with it because you’re also stupidly endearing. the best friends, literally always there when you’re down and sosososo supportive. i’ve noticed that feeling insecure is quite possible the worst thing you can feel, it’ll start to take a toll on your physical health. your ability to be a fucking idiot but also a /pretty/ idiot is your biggest strength.

moon in virgo if you say “well actually, that’s not how that works” one more time i’ll throw hands. incredibly nit-picky and obsessive but also the types of people to have a pile of dirt on their room?? mom friend, WILL take care of her babies/friends. you always ruin the mood yet.. you’re so fun to be around? how does that even work? i could listen to you talk for hours. i don’t think you know what the concept of relaxation is. also pleathe stop with that need to fix others. the fact that you’re so focused on your goals and willing to do just about anything is your biggest strength (it’s also kinda scary).

my mom’s moon is in libra and ma’am can you please stop transferring your mommy issues onto me? i get it, you had a codependent relationship with her and she showed you she loved you while also constantly criticising you and treating you like an extension of herself. my bestie is a libra moon too and it’s also like that. just.. mommy issues and insecurities for days. a passion 4 fashion and people love to be around you. also, i can’t understand how you feel. like, you’ll cry a lot and love so hard yet when you break up with someone you’ll never spare a thought about them again? it’s almost like you can turn your feelings off. which is funny, because that’s supposed to be a capricorn moon thing but i’ve never met one who can stop caring, they just act like they’re heartless to protect themselves. either way, libra moons can switch from sweethearts to cold and aggressive in a literal second and it’s scary but also cool.

moon in gemini please don’t ever shut up you have so much to say, your interests are so fascinating and the way you talk with so much passion about literally anything makes my heart do the flippy thing. also so complicated, can you name one person in this world who fully knows and comprehends you? very secretive, people feel like they know you because you talk a lot and are very open about certain things but as soon as something actually serious happens you turn into allison dilaurentis real quick.

moon in taurus why are you so pretty? you’re so extra too, you always leave the house looking straight off the runaway. you’re literally so caring for your friends and overprotective too, possessive of even them. you prioritize comfort a lot, wether it be on your home or concerning yourself. you’re very good with people, i feel like you’re the ex that your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t ever shut up about because she misses you and wants you to be The one. you need to learn that change isn’t the enemy!! change is fundamental for personal growth. hold grudges for a crazy amount of time. very weird sense of humor, in an oddly endearing way. your mentality of “if they’ve hurt you, they’ve hurt me too” is your biggest strength.