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kaleldobrev · 8 days

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You're Gonna Kill Me Sweetheart (3) — The 15 Year Problem Series

Pairing: MOC!Dean Winchester x F. Reader

Feat. Character(s): Reader & Dean Winchester

Series Summary: Needing help on a poltergeist case, you ask fellow hunter Sam Winchester for help. Despite having a broken arm, Sam agrees to help you. But, just as he’s about to head out and meet you, Dean tells him that he’ll take his place and help instead.

Chapter Word Count: 2.7k

Chapter Warnings: Cursing (4x), Age Gap (15 years), Sexual tension, Slightly vulnerable Dean, Self-Loathing Dean & Sexual fantasies (nothing explicit)

Authors Note: A prequel series to the Old Man Universe (OMU) on how Dean and reader met | Takes place a few days after Dean is cured from being a demon in 2016 (please read this post for reasonings why it’s 2016, not 2014) | A little bit of a slower part, but Dean and Y/N get to know each other a little bit. This was originally supposed to be a part of chapter 2, but I didn’t like how long chapter 2 was and I thought this section could be its own chapter | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

⋆ The 15 Year Problem Masterlist ⋆

⇠ Go Back & Read Chapter 2

Walking into the motel room, there was indeed a single bed, and it didn't look like the normal motel size you were used to. It somehow looked smaller than usual, but you weren't sure if it was because you were nervous and your eyes were playing tricks on you, or it was in fact smaller.

You turned to Dean, who was still staring at the single bed. "The bed looks a little small," you said, the two of you still standing in the doorway; almost afraid to enter the gaudy room, which looked to have about fifty different shades of green.

"Guy said it was a queen," Dean commented, his voice sounding a little bit annoyed. "It's a queen my ass," he mumbled, being the first one to enter the room, leaving you to stay in the doorway. You held back a chuckle at his comment.

As he was about to place the duffel onto the bed, you closed the door behind you. "Do you have a preferred side?" He asked, the moment you turned to face him again.

"The right if that's okay," you answered, biting your bottom lip with slight hesitation at your answer. "Unless you want it." Back at yours and your boyfriend's apartment, you tended to have the left side, despite your preference for the right side as it was farther away from the door. But when he moved in, he automatically claimed the right, leaving you to endure the left.

Dean shrugged. "Left is fine with me," he said, placing his duffel bag on the left side of the bed.

There was a part of Dean that was happy that you had picked the right, as it was farther away from the door. He knew that you would be able to take care of yourself, but he strangely felt better being near the door so he would be able to protect you at a moment's notice.

He watched you walk over to the right side, placing your duffel down and unzipping it, almost matching his movements. He couldn't help but grin a bit. "Do you want to shower first or can I?" You asked.

"You can go first. Just don't use up all the hot water," he winked, before zippering up his bag and pushing it underneath the bed. At this point, he couldn't tell if his wink was flirtatious or just out of habit.

You felt your cheeks grow hot from his wink, hoping that you weren't blushing. And if you were, hoping that he didn't notice. You wanted more than anything to tell him that he could join you, but you resisted. There was no way in Hell he would say yes, as he probably looked at you like a child, or someone that he felt like he needed to protect.

But you couldn't help but wonder what his body looked like underneath the layers of clothes that he wore. You wondered what it would feel like to run your hands up and down his chest, placing kisses along his jaw and down his neck, as the water ran down both your bodies. You licked your bottom lip at the thought, again, hoping that Dean didn't notice. Your throat was dry again — you needed to get into the shower quick.

"Thanks, I'll make it quick!" You briefly smiled, before making a beeline for the bathroom.

Once he saw you enter the bathroom and shut the door, he couldn't help but notice that he didn't hear you lock the door. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled to himself, and he licked and bit his bottom lip. He was thankful that you weren't here to see him.

But the urge to open that door and join you in the shower right now was strong. All he wanted to do was run his hands along your arms and kiss your neck and bare shoulders from behind you, as the water traced every inch of your bodies. He wanted to admire the way the water hit your curves, and hear you moan against him. He was curious how you would react to his touch. Fuck, he thought. This was going to be a long few days.

He had to snap out of his fantasy, even though he didn't want to. But he needed to be realistic about the situation and dynamic between the two of you if he was going to survive the next several days. He was 37, and you were 22 — a fifteen-year difference. It wasn't a small difference by any means, and it was just big enough for people to question the relationship between the two of you if you were to ever end up together. Then again, there was no way you would actively choose to be with him, or someone like him; he had too much emotional and psychological trauma and baggage to the point that he sometimes didn't recognize himself anymore. He'd been to Hell and back (figuratively and literally) and handled all of this trauma by either drowning it with alcohol, violence, or bottling it up to the point that it nearly kills him. You didn't deserve to be around this, you deserved to be with someone that was normal — or at least normal enough.

You were young and beautiful, and barely had any scars (at least from what he could see). You'd been hunting for only a handful of years, so he figured you hadn't been emotionally traumatized as much as he had been over the years, from hunting for almost three decades. Despite being a hunter, you had more years ahead of you than he had.

As he tried to distract himself from you, his mind starting to think about what your boyfriend was like. Was he a hunter like you? Did he live with you? Was he into cars like you were? Why didn't he come to this hunt with you? But Dean knew that he was jealous of him, jealous because he had got to love you unconditionally, and touch you in ways that Dean would never be able to.

He heard the sounds of your clothes hitting the bathroom tile, the shower not even on yet. You were naked just a few feet away from him, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He balled up his fist as he sat at the table, going through his dad's journal — something he hadn't done in such a long time, and tried his best to focus on the pages. But he was having more trouble concentrating than he'd like to admit, because he was too focused on what you were possibly doing in the bathroom.

Finally, the water went on, and he let out a deep breath. "This is gonna be a long few days," he mumbled to himself. Getting up from the chair, he knew that he needed some kind of distraction, because hearing you in the shower was going to be the death of him. "Hey, I'm gonna grab something from the diner down the street. Want anything?"

"Um, if they have apple pie can you get me a slice? If not, bacon cheeseburger please!" You yelled out, no hesitation in your answer whatsoever.

"Fuck me," he mumbled.

"What?" You called out again, sounding a little confused. "Dean?"

"Uh, apple pie or bacon cheeseburger, got it," he said quickly, grabbing his keys and jacket. "I'll be back in two shakes," he called out to you before opening the motel door and quickly shutting it behind him: not even waiting for you to respond to him.

As he locked the door behind him, he hesitated slightly to leave, leaning his forehead against the door gently. He didn't want to leave, that was one of the last things he had wanted, but he needed to in order to try and stop these fantasies of you. The constant wondering of what you currently looked like in the shower, the wondering if you would moan if he kissed your neck; how your soft and smooth skin would feel against the roughness of his own. Stop it, stop it, he repeated.

You barely even had time to answer him, as you heard the motel door slam shut; the sound causing you to jump a little at the suddenness. You had a couple of emotions swirling inside of you: confusion and disappointment. You were confused at the suddenness of the diner question, but you were a little disappointed that he didn't even offer to take you with once you got out of the shower. You couldn't help but wonder if you had done something to offend him in the short amount of time you had been together. No, you've barely done anything, you concluded. You wondered what his deal was, and if something had possibly triggered this reaction from him.

Once finishing up your shower, you did your usual post shower routine — nixing the brushing of your teeth, as you were moments away from devouring either a mouthwatering bacon cheeseburger that rivaled the feeling of sex, or the sweetness of apple pie.

Exiting the bathroom, you grabbed the remote off the side table, hoping that there would be something watchable at this hour besides infomercials. You didn't dislike them, but you preferred something with some substance to it.

Flipping through the channels, you repeated 'No,' a few times, after each switch, not finding anything suitable. But after a few No's in a row, a smile finally graced your lips as you saw the sweet, sweet image of one of your favorite cartoon dogs: Scooby-Doo. It was the start of one of your favorite Scooby-Doo movies too, Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, and you couldn't help but keep it on the screen.

It was a movie you hadn't seen in such a long time, as back at home, you either had to hide watching this from your boyfriend whenever it was on, or had to skip it all together, as he felt that you shouldn't be watching cartoons at your age. You hoped that Dean wouldn't mind or make fun or you in the same way your boyfriend had did.

Pulling back up to the motel with two bacon cheeseburgers and two slices of pie in the bag next to him, he gripped the steering wheel one final time and took a deep breath. He had only been gone about twenty minutes, and twenty minutes was not enough time. But yet, it seemed like an eternity away from you that he never wanted to face again. He needed to be near you, but he needed to be far away.

He sighed, bracing himself, slightly praying that you had managed to fall asleep while he was gone so he wouldn't have to make awkward conversation with you. You had told him that you were exhausted after all.

But as he reached the motel door, he heard the television on, and he held his ear up to the door to hear what you could possibly be watching at this hour. When his ear reached the door, he chuckled quietly to himself, hearing the voice of his favorite cartoon dog. You're gonna kill me Sweetheart, he thought.

Unlocking the door, he almost had to walk right out. Son of a bitch, he said, thankful that he didn't say it out loud. You were lying on your stomach, holding your head up with your hands, swinging your feet carelessly in the air, with a long shirt on that seemed to be about two sizes too big for you. He hoped to God that you were wearing shorts or underwear underneath.

You turned to him, your smile beaming. "Welcome back," you said. "That was quick."

"Yeah, there was um...no line," he said, clearing his throat. Stop thinking about if she has underwear on, stop thinking about if she has underwear on. Stop objectifying her. "Scooby-Doo," he pointed to the screen, trying to drown out his Rated R thoughts. "Love that dog."

Your smile remained, and it appeared to get wider. "I love Scooby-Doo, and Zombie Island is one of my favorite Scooby-Doo movies," the way your voice sounded made his heart melt; you sounded so incredibly happy. "I'm glad you don't mind, because I don't get to watch this that often." Your eyes looked so sad now, and Dean felt his heart starting to break for you. Did your boyfriend not like when you watched this? He desperately wanted to ask, but knew it wasn't his place to.

"I don't mind at all. You're never too old for cartoons, or Scooby-Doo," he smiled, placing the two bags of food down on the table. "You know, Scooby-Doo is one of those things where, no matter where me, Sammy, and my dad were, it was always on. Sometimes, my dad would be gone for hours or days at a time, and Scooby and the gang and my brother were the only ones that kept me company. Made me feel less alone, even if I felt alone."

Dean's words were making your heart break, hearing about the childhood that he never had, but always wanted. You knew that what he was telling you wasn't meant to be a sad thing but, you could hear it in the way his tone sounded, and the way he smiled, as it slightly looked sad and pained.

As you watched him take the food out of the bags, you smiled with delight seeing that not only did he get bacon cheeseburgers for both of you, but he got two slices of apple pie in addition. "They had both?" You asked, promptly sitting at the table.

"Yeah. I know you said one or the other, but I thought why not get both if they had both?" Dean shrugged, separating the food out. You couldn't help but be weirdly appreciative of this gesture, as this was something that your boyfriend would have never thought to do. He would have gotten one or the other, saying that getting both would have been too much.

The only sounds that filled the air were the comedic stylings of Scooby and the Gang, the occasional laughter from either you and Dean (or both), and the sounds of the pair of you chewing the pie that often came with moaning. Despite there being no talking from either one of you, it was nice and comfortable; no awkwardness to be found. When you looked over at him, he genuinely looked happy. You weren't sure if it was because of Scooby and the Gang, the pie, or both; but it was nice to see him so happy. You didn't have a lot to compare it to, to be fair, but based on stories you had heard from Sam and from other hunters, Dean has had it rougher than most.

You had wanted to tell Dean how much you appreciated having this moment with him, because it was the kind of moment that you didn't get to have very often. But you decided against it, feeling that it would somehow make the moment awkward between the two of you.

A few moments passed, and he was the one that had broken the silence. "Mind if I ask you something?" He asked between bites.

"Sure," you answered.

"How'd you get into hunting?" He asked the dreaded question, and you felt a knot in the pit of your stomach. It was a question you've been asked several times over the years by numerous hunters, but you've always managed to re-focus the question onto them. It wasn't like you had a problem answering the question, but it was something that you had rarely talked about, as the pain of it still seemed so fresh despite it being over five years ago. Your hunting story was something that even your parents didn't know fully, and you were unsure if they would ever know.

But there was something about Dean that had made you feel safe, and made you feel like it was okay to share it with him. But your body wouldn't allow that, and you stayed frozen, almost shut down.

"Hey," Dean said, and hearing his voice made you snap out of the current state that you were in, afraid that if you were in this state any longer, it would have been much harder to reel yourself back in. "Don't sweat it okay?"

"I'm sorry," you apologized, even though you had no reason to.

"Don't be," he reassured you. "Tell me when you're ready."

You nodded back at him, slightly smiling, and feeling relieved that he didn't place any kind of pressure on you to tell. You really did appreciate Dean, even if he didn't realize it.

⤑ Move Forward & Read Chapter 4 (Not yet available)

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#Dean Winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #spn #supernatural #spn imagine #supernatural imagine #spn one shot #supernatural one shot #dean x you #dean x reader #reader insert #female reader #the 15 year problem

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anotherghoul666 · 2 years

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i JUST started listening to sleep token and went to the tag only to find you there, please tell me more about this band?? collective?? i need more

You got it buddy! One order of a full Sleep Token beginner primer, coming up!

Sleep Token are a rock? metal? genre blending collective based out of England, tho nobody's 100% sure of where the members are from because they are also a masked and anonymous project. Their style of music varies greatly from album to album and song to song. From soft ballads, to electronic music, to indie, to progressive / prog metal, to post-rock / post-metal, and now with their newest singles, a definite shift into heavier sounds with roots in djent and -core genre elements like breakdowns and scream vocals, let's just say they are very diverse and there are not many bands that sound the same out there. Their blending is pretty unique, and imo will prove to be genre-defining in the coming years. They are signed to Spinefarm records and they're touring as we speak in Europe.

They formed in 2016 and self-released their first EP called One that same year. Their second EP aptly called Two was released in 2017 on Basick. They currently have two full length albums out on Spinefarm, 2019's Sundowning and 2021's This Place Will Become Your Tomb, which are the crux of the material you wanna look into. I always advise that you listen to the whole albums front to back because artists plan these tracklists deliberately, so we owe it to them to consume their output the way they intended us to, but! I also realize nowadays nobody does that because of Spotify and streaming, unfortunately, so: for Sundowning, I'd recommend Sugar as a first track because it touches on both the soft and harsh sides of the album beautifully; and for TPWBYT I'd say start with Alkaline (bonus points for a delicious video to get you into their visual side too). On January 6th and 7th 2023, they released two new songs to showcase their new sound, Chokehold and The Summoning. These two singles seem to be the optimal path currently to get into the band. There are rumors of a new album called Take Me Back To Eden to be released this year, there's a tracklist floating around online though we don't know if its legit, and there are also rumors for new singles coming out, at the time of writing this, tomorrow and in two days, on the 19th and 20th of January 2023. There's also a recording of an acoustic show called From The Room Below floating online, with new takes on their previous songs and a few choice covers like Billie Eilish's When The Party's Over, surprising crossovers that are emotional experiences.

Now, visually and in theme, you'll notice the band has a storyline of sorts. The lore of Sleep Token is this: the band was formed after an ancient deity called Sleep (a reductive name that doesn't encompass the deity's nature at all, but its true name cannot be spoken in any human tongue) revealed itself to the singer, Vessel, in his sleep. Sleep appears to be a powerful force worshiped in ancient civilizations, that gave them the blessing of dreams and the curse of nightmares. Since this apparition, Vessel's life purpose has been to worship and make offerings to Sleep via music. The members of the band are all called vessels, we can infer vessels for Sleep. The singer is Vessel I, but the fandom's moved to just calling him Vessel. The other members are just called by their numbers. II is on drums, III is on bass, IV is on guitar. They're all vessels. They wear masks to hide their identities, with what seems to be full body black paint and some variety of stage costumes including hooded coats and capes and now apparently full pauldrons and void wizard staves.

You'll come across some specific lingo when encountering Sleep Token content or in the fandom. These terms mostly come from their official social media so they use them themselves, it's not fan made. "Worship" is the tagline, kinda like "Nema" is with Ghost. You'll see fans telling each other that all the time. To Worship is to take part in enjoying the band in any way you can: listening to the music, watching videos, streaming their stuff, spreading the word, going to shows, buying merch, etc. Sleep Token's shows are called Rituals, like Ghost's. Pictures and videos are referred to as Sacred Moments, or Sacred Moments in Time. The bands they tour with are called Brethren. Sleep Token's songs are called Offerings. Because they are written as a means to Worship the Sleep deity. Offerings can also be in the form of instrument playthroughs, videos, etc. What the band produces. When you listened to new material or acquire merch, you also Consume. A note on their anonymity to finish: while there are rumors about who the band members are, nothing's confirmed and the band's explicit wish is to maintain this anonymity, so it fundamental to respect those wishes and not try to dig. They value art for art, they let the music speak for itself, and they explicitely wish for their music to be detached from who they are as people. Let's leave the magic in place both for them and for us!

Welcome to the fold! Worship!

#sleep token

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ruershrimo · 5 months

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take me back (take me with you) | f. megumi x fem! reader | chapter 6: beginning

ao3 link for additional author’s notes | playlist | prev | next | m.list

chapter synopsis:

'“Why else do you think I am the way I am? I may be shy and scatterbrained, or a horrible woman with a muddled sense of morality or what I think should and should not happen, when in reality it’s just what I want to happen. But this is why I’m so resolute, and so stubborn. This is why I love you so fiercely. All mothers are like that to some degree, even if my own would never let me bear witness to it.”

You haven’t told her you love her too in years.'

'And Itadori seems… like a good person. I think it’s good, that… you were able to find a friend like that.”

“It was. He’s a really, really good guy.”

“You love him a lot,” Megumi says.

---

You and Megumi set out to prevent an emergency involving Yuuji and a cursed object. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. But at least everyone is fine in the end, even if it means you'll have to walk away from almost everything (or maybe it's the other way around).

You're going to be all on your own. Still, now it seems like this will hurt less now.

word count: ~8k; tws: none for now :)

17-6-2018

The two of you walk down the lane. It’s midnight. There’s a loitering silence in the air, no words exchanged between you and him, and it twists your heart in brief moments of hurt when you’re not trying to keep your mind occupied with other things. Your legs move subconsciously without you caring to think of them, the route to the hospital ingrained in your mind as if intrinsically there.

At some point, you think your hand with its sweat and its grip is going to leave imprints like a marring on his skin, but it’s of your own selfishness that you choose to hold onto his wrist anyway.

There’s a million things you could say to him right now, things you’ll forcefully push to the very back of your throat, things you’ll keep under lock and key in a mangled mix of quiet anticipation and sombre anxieties. Right now you’re holding his wrist and that’s enough for you, to have him walking behind you if not beside, to be two people near each other— not together— in silence since any conversation is not an option; any conversation could lead to the last spark needed to be fanned into the flame for it to erupt bigger and brighter than ever before.

If you asked about Tsumiki right now, or why either of them never bothered to speak to you since 2016, it could break you apart, of that you’re sure. And even without words it threatens to do so to you like a chandelier of melting wax candles hanging above you being suspended precariously from the ceiling or light lightning soon to be thrown down mercilessly from the sky.

“The turning to Sendai Hospital is on the right.”

“I know the routes better,” you let out, and rather disappointingly it sounds brasher and more derogatory aloud instead of the unobtrusive tone you were aiming for— you hope it doesn’t hurt him but then wonder why you still even cared that much about how he felt about what you said or did anyway, “I got myself accustomed to taking the one on the left that leads you through. Quick shortcut and all.”

You’re not looking back, but the light pull of his hand from the hold of your wrist seems to suggest his slight reeling back in a small sense of surprise and an equal amount of shock, as if suddenly remembering the fact you were your own person, that you had your own autonomy as one, because somehow everyone thought you weren’t.

It’s strange to look back at how you were before: meek, timid. Too shy to speak up. Too innocent to be angered by anything. Always dreaming, mind bleary as if on a cloud in blurred skies, hiding behind the backs of others like a petrified forest critter.

And now you’re this— this person who frowns and disagrees and retorts at every little thing, and as much as you have to, as much as it was nearly inevitable the way you turned out, all you can think you share with the person you were when you first met Megumi and Tsumiki was your need to be useful— and even that has been exacerbated by how you’ve grown, how you’ve become this person you grew into. And a part of you— no, just you as a whole— doesn’t like yourself at all.

Your father was right. That little girl was hopeful, obedient, kind, caring— you don’t know why even then you were dissatisfied with the way you were, or why your dissatisfaction would matter because at that time you’d cared so little about everything besides caring for people and having fun with the pair of siblings that you were so rarely bothered by it, that it was still just a slight whisper from the back of your head that could be shushed or tuned out with library visits and nights in front of the TV and the glow of old cartoons. Your father was right and this is proved even more by the fact that the whole situation just infuriates you on the surface, and just makes you feel like an empty, hollow shell left behind when you reach deeper into yourself.

That little girl had potential, potential to be useful but kind, obedient and close to the people who raised her even if it meant abandoning her own ideals. But you’d been so devoted to them, you think, that she was killed and destroyed in the world she grew up in, and now there’s a space for her that’s left vacant due to the way she wasted away. You miss her, the girl you once were, you miss being her, how easy and lighthearted everything was and how all of you felt so content in every sense of the word. But you don’t want her back. Now that’s just what makes you miserable sometimes.

Self-reflection just made you feel revolted by yourself. You keep your eyes on the road.

“It’s here,” you state, pointing at the building in front of you.

Sendai General Hospital is an institution made out of bare concrete. Its walls are yellowed and close in on its wards like a prison, coloured using old paint that hasn’t been repainted over and is as pallid-looking as the skin of the people sitting on the beds it is inhabited by. Just being in it feels like a hit to the body and the brain and the senses, too. There are old-fashioned tiles on its floors, their pale beige hue muted yet the blinding shine on them harshly mopped clean. Inside it reeks of an imminent presence of sickness or death or illnesses and conditions never to be able to be defeated and sterile sanitisers. Looking at the latex-blue curtains in it feels like a blindfold unwantedly, forcefully pulled over both your vision and your ears.

“You and that Itadori seem close.”

“We are,” you say, then you add, not really knowing why, “He’s my best friend.” Maybe you’re trying to make him jealous, rile him up a bit. But even then you wouldn’t want him to be riled up, nor would you be satisfied if he were to keep silent. Maybe you just wanted to hurt him, to hurt him back or something, if only for something small, even if you’d already resolved not to do so.

You’ll make sure not to do that again, though.

Instead he does something else, takes another route instead. “Then it seems you visit his grandfather often.”

“Uh-huh,” you nod as the two of you enter the hospital, and you have to blink a few times as always in order to adjust yourself to the light and how it reflects off the detachedly clean floor. “My mother’s here, too.”

“Oh, I’m sorry— is she alright?”

“She’s okay, I… think. She… she got sick a while back and stays here now,” you explain, “Let’s not talk about that…—I mean, I… don’t really want to.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep saying that.” It just makes people feel worse.

He doesn’t push further and you suppose that’s okay. Your chest hurts a bit, like phantom pain on a wound that’s still there. There’s not really a way to explain it but almost everything makes you feel that way these days. Everything makes you feel horrible to some degree. Maybe it’s being a girl, maybe it’s being a teenager, but it’s not quite either, you guess.

“He won’t be here for a while,” you say, “He’s either still in the room where his grandfather is or he’s buying flowers for him.”

“Then I’ll just contact them and let them know the whole situation first.”

Who’s ‘them’?

“Okay.” You turn your back on him, “—wait.”

“What?”

“Do you have any emergency contact or something? Like, a trusted adult who could help you with any of this? In case things go really bad?”

“...why would you need one?” he questions.

You roll your eyes, “Just give it to me, damn it… if there’s anything I have nowadays, it’s probably foresight for stuff like this. For emergencies.”

He gives you the number, albeit a bit begrudgingly. Why’d he have to be so pissy about anything and everything?

“Okay, thanks. I’m going to visit my mother now.”

The air and the colour from it seems distant as always, the ward she was basically imprisoned in smelling of the indistinguishable mix of sanitiser and sickness. There her body chains her to her bed, and there is little she can do besides rely on and weakly cling to the nurses who assist her, a frail shadow of what she once was.

“Hi, Mummy.”

She turns to you, and your chest constricts. Her hair, once much longer, the type that you dreamed to have as it billowed in the wind, the type that invited you caressively to bury yourself in and take in that heady scent of roses that emanated from it— that hair is now replaced with a cloth wrapped around her head. Radiation. Chemotherapy.

The wrinkles on her face make the difference between her now and her years ago all the more stark. Every visit you come back here, you’ve forced yourself to be acclimated to this new reality, one where she isn’t waiting at home no matter how tedious the fights get or how exhausting it was eating with someone who remained silent, someone who chose to continue suffering if it meant she could hurt and turn her daughter to guilt (as if that would change anything). At least she was there.

Cancer is a terminal illness, especially the type your mother is facing— regardless of how much chemotherapy she would struggle through and how much you didn’t want to acknowledge a truth so plain and conspicuously bare, she would be confined to this bed until her final days, her illness like gyves tying her limbs and forcing her earthbound; the bed a cage she could never be liberated from.

Sometimes she made it a point to you that she didn’t want to liberate herself from it anyway, and you’d never been so depressed yet irked by anything else. (You’d regret everything— not spending time with her, not appreciating her nearly enough— except for your decision to be involved in the Jujutsu world, if not as a sorcerer then as a doctor. That was, and is— your ultimatum. Your end all be all of this whole situation.”

“Hello. Where’s that Itadori boy?”

“Not here today, he’s still with his grandfather— maybe later.” You swing your bag over your shoulder, rummaging through it a while before pulling it out. “I’ve something for you, by the way.”

“Oh! These,” she exclaims, and she smiles faintly, bits of colour rushing back to her face like watercolour dots on moistened paper. “I used to make them for you, sometimes. They used to be your favourite when you were really little.”

“I know,” you explain, “That’s why I made them. I don’t like them anymore, but… I can’t remember your favourite food or if I ever asked, and I know you don’t like the food they give you here as much as… I don’t know. Your own cooking, I guess.”

“It’s not my favourite,” she states, matter-of-factly, bluntly, “But thank you for the effort. My favourite will always be my own mother’s cooking.”

Silence.

“Now that I look back at everything, there are so many things I regret. Things I should have done but never did out of fear; things I should not have done and never apologised for out of pride. I’d like it if you could be different. Your grandmother went out the same way. At least, even if you had the same illnesses as we did, which I hope the genes for which have been curbed by your father’s— at least you would not leave the world with regret,” she looks down at her hands, staring down at them solemnly like a shadow, an excluded figure. “But it was a good life.”

“...then maybe you can tell me more. While you— while we still have time. What was your childhood like? What was your mother like?” It feels strange, imposturous, maybe— to be referring to someone basically a stranger as “grandmother”, to name someone so far away from you so intimate, even if the only generation between you, tying the two of you together, was your mother’s. If you had a daughter it would be the same for her, most likely. There’s a part of you that would find honour in becoming your mother once you’d grown, but there’s a part of you that would think being such would accost you horribly, for all time.

She sighs, “I’ll tell you later. There would be so much to say, like compressing all my words into one tiny paper. The stories have weight in them the same way letters and words in handwriting can be firm and large. But if I were to start,” she begins, “I’ll say that I was born as the daughter of two very powerful sorcerers. Now, I know how much this would sound like some nonsense spouted by your mother, but I think you should listen anyway.

“My parents loved each other a lot, but my mother had come from an obscure clan whose name I can’t remember, but who had high hopes in them having a child with a powerful cursed technique as their last resort, since, if I recall correctly, there had been a crisis within the clan for it to keep surviving.

“I still remember when they found out I had no cursed technique and how terrified they were. In me I had a bit more than the relatively normal amount of cursed energy most people have, and so I was expected to have techniques as powerful as they did. They loved me and treated me preciously, like a fragile object, so long as I was quiet and demure— and I guess to some extent I still was and still am today. They wondered what they could do to run from the clan, as if they didn’t have enough power when they were supposed to protect me despite my father’s bullheaded industry and my mother’s patience-formed strength. They lacked grit to grapple against them, and only in this did they lack it, I think; only against my mother’s family did they not have the ability to resolve things whether peacefully or violently. And eventually they just gave up and thought they would just… surrender me over when I entered my adolescent years. I was their daughter. I… suppose they didn’t love me enough. I know it sounds awful— thinking that they should have always protected me, through and through—”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“—when it could have been the clan itself that would have been mostly to blame.”

“But they were still supposed to protect you! They were your parents—”

“Why else do you think I am the way I am? I may be a shy and scatterbrained or a horrible woman with a muddled sense of morality or what I think should and should not happen when in reality it’s just what I want to happen, but this is why I’m so resolute, and so stubborn. This is why I love you so fiercely. All mothers are like that to some degree, even if my own would never let me bear witness to it.” You haven’t told her you love her too in years.

“But then when I was an adult I met your father, who was a bit like a country bumpkin, but a formidable sorcerer and a kind, honest person, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with the person he was both inside and out. And for the next few years we struggled to have a child until I found out I was pregnant with you,” she continues, “Even though by that time I was well into my late thirties, we were overjoyed and decided to keep you.”

Suddenly you wish there had been more time before things were ruined. Time for you to know her better, the beginning of your existence. You would have begged her for old photos, stories, mementos of her and your father.

“And now the clan’s faded into obscurity, finally. The younger members left and the older ones passed away peacefully. Happy story, right?”

“...yeah.” It all ended well, but you don’t know if you can say the same for your mother’s. At least, you hope, when she goes away, it can be swift and peaceful like the way her relatives did.

Then suddenly there’s a buzz in your pocket. An inconvenient one, out of the blue.

“You should go get that first,” she says.

“...okay.”

You lift it up to your face and feel like crushing the damn thing. Old number. Stupid number. Number you haven’t called in months because you’d given up on that bastard— oh. The two of you were working together now.

You turn away from your mother, creeping to the edge of the room. “What’s wrong?”

“I just talked to him, but I think it would be easier if you came back and was there with him too since you know him better than I do. And he… doesn’t seem like the brightest. He may think that it’s not important enough to hand over unless you ask him to or something.”

You muffle your voice with your hand and whisper, “Hey, you shut up, you know nothing about him. He’s way smarter than people give him credit for. But I’m— I’m with my mother right now. Wait for a second. Just ask him to wait for me first; he wouldn’t need any of my help for all of this yet. Make a friend or get a life or something.”

“...fine. But you’ll have to join us later. He’s bound to ask about you.”

“Then just tell him I’m with my mother!” you snap, still whispering.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Wh— you little— oh, don’t you hang up now—”

Weird thing is, he probably wasn’t even being so infuriating on purpose. And you wouldn’t have burst out at someone for being that way anyway. It was only because it was him, specifically.

You’d sworn to put that past you.

Your immaturity strikes once again.

“If you have to go now,” your mother says, “You should. Just come back again next time. I can tell you the rest. Thank you again for the food, [Name].” She doesn’t call you ‘darling’ anymore, doesn’t she? Just your name.

“Okay. Sorry.”

You swing the bag back over your shoulder, wearing it this time instead of taking it off, easing your way out of the room.

“It’s okay,” she assures you, “Goodbye. I love you.”

“...I love you, too,” you say, but it’ll mingle with all the other sounds in the hospital, and it’ll be drowned out like a ship in the middle of nowhere, your voice soft and thoroughly soused by the cacophony of bleak noises like telephone rings and beeps from electrocardiographs outside of her deafeningly quiet hospital room.

“Hi, Yuuji,” you greet them in the dimly lit waiting area, “...and Megumi. Sorry to keep the two of you guys waiting for so long.”

“Oh, hey; it’s okay!” he goes, although in his voice it seems that there’s been some of his usual energy seeping away from him. “Didn’t know the two of you knew each other until just now or that you were a part of some magic curse society. Are you guys childhood friends who met because of all that cursed stuff or something?”

“Something like that,” Megumi explains.

“It’s a long story,” you say, not exactly denying him nor conceding his words anyway. Once again, there’s a trace of anger despite your promise to be untethered to your puerility like this. “Anyway, are you okay, Yuuji? How’s your grandfather?”

He pauses. “Oh, about that… he just passed away.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Yuuji…” you hold the fabric of his jacket (sometimes it still feels wrong to try and hold his hand— it just makes your heart ache again like a scab being clawed at) and pull him into a brief caress, patting his back as gently as you can manage.

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine,” he smiles as you pull yourself away, “Grandpa wouldn’t want me to be crying right now anyway. So don’t worry.”

“Okay, I won’t. But if you’re sad, just know you can always talk to me.”

He laughs, softer than the boisterous manner he usually does so in, “Yeah, I know.”

Megumi clears his throat, pointedly trying to make a sound, “Anyway. Itadori Yuuji—”

“Just call him Itadori. You don’t have to be so uptight.”

“Nah, [Name], I’m fine—”

Megumi sighs. “Anyway, we need you to give the cursed object now.”

“Oh, yeah, that,” you start, “So, Yuuji, do you have the thing that Megumi would have explained to you? The cursed object? We need it for everyone to be safe, and all.”

“Yeah! Hold on, let me get it. I told you I didn’t have it already, but here’s the box,” he says, tossing it over to Megumi.

He retrieves the box. It’s ancient and wooden, the craftsmanship behind it elite and adroit, and the paper on it has the words for a buddhist sutra written on it like an inscription. You’ve heard of it before, the kind of curse it was meant to seal, but it definitely couldn’t be—

He opens the box.

Holy shit.

“Where is it?”

“It’s empty…” Megumi panics, “Wait— hold on!”

Things are bad— as in, they couldn’t get any worse— not only was the school doomed by the loss of its cursed object, the cursed object was Sukuna Ryomen’s finger itself.

You blame your inadequacy, your inability to have stopped everything sooner— if not for that nobody would have gotten hurt. If not for that there wouldn’t even be a risk of anything happening anyway. You should’ve tried harder to sense it, and you should’ve focused more on it to keep the student body safe and sound.

It was your fault. No one else was to blame but your useless self, and even if that were wrong, you’d still have the most to be blamed for.

Megumi has a hand on Yuuji’s shoulder, keeping the other boy from moving, his breathing erratic and his eyes wide in frantic shock.

“...well, they were saying, ‘let’s open it up to see what’s inside it tonight’,” Yuuji clarifies, standing a few centimetres away from the door, “Why? Is that bad?”

Sasaki and Iguchi?

The air in the hospital feels particularly chilly tonight, gooseflesh terrorising your skin all over, and for all the kinds of reasons that would cause anything like such.

“It’s way worse than bad,” Megumi declared, fear and grim so thick in his voice they were tangible enough to be cut through with a knife. “Your friends are going to die.”

“We’ve got to go,” you rush, “Now! Quick!”

It passes by like a blur, as if you’re in that moment and out of it simultaneously. Your mind has been bombarded with and pressed so thoroughly onto the moment, like tissue on a wet surface, that it seems it’s being blanked out, while your legs continue to run despite your mind nearly forgetting, at this point, why you’re running— as if your legs moving so frantically to help them was something intrinsic, something you didn’t need your mind for.

Sasaki and Iguchi are in danger. Sasaki and Iguchi are in danger.

You didn’t know them all too well, really— just through Yuuji, and Yuuji himself wasn’t as close to the two of them, being their junior and all. And although a part of you was doing this just because you could, like the way you did when you first discovered your cursed technique, you knew that another was doing this for Yuuji. If in any way they were hurt or could not survive, he would blame himself to no end. He possessed such a kindness within him, so much that it hit the depths of your soul sometimes; shattered your heart so gently a million times over or heated it in the kindly way mothers heated pans on stoves despite the heat of it being greater than that of blue flame. If anything happened to them, no matter how much or how little he knew of them, he wouldn’t be able to live after that.

The two of them are near the barrier separating the school from the street before you (you struggle with catching up to them— one’s a star athlete and another has been training for much longer than you, you’re sure), the gates tall and enveloped in darkness. You didn’t think much of school except for when it came to your grades and being with Yuuji, thinking of these gates— the ones that you and Yuuji use when you’re running super late— in particular as just a shortcut entrance you paid little attention to, just something treated with indifference as you passed through them whenever you were late. Yet now they echoed denial, refusal, and slim chances— it was unlikely that they’d be alright, especially since this cursed object in particular was the finger of Sukuna Ryomen.

“Is that the building?” Megumi questions, “Where are they?”

“Fourth floor— guh!” Yuuji seems to come to an abrupt halt, nearly slamming into what seems to be an invisible wall. A veil.

“Yuuji!”

“I’ll handle this,” Megumi declares, hopping onto the metal wires, more directed to Yuuji than you. So even he can tell how selfless Yuuji is, even after only having just met him.

“I may not know those two that well, but—” Yuuji starts, “But they’re friends! I have to help!”

“You’re staying here,” Megumi commands, “[Name], if you could— get your father or any sorcerers you know to come here and help.”

He climbs over the gate.

He’s going away from you again. Slipping away from your grasp. And now, all you can do is watch. There’s nothing else— nothing else you can do, at all. If you went inside now, you wouldn’t be able to help except— what?— tend to their injuries? Manipulate your own cells into weapons? The former wasn’t possible with how much you’d strained yourself from running so quickly earlier, and the latter was too dangerous: you hadn’t even started with the basics of that yet, on your father’s obstinate insistence that even if he’d let you play doctor he wouldn’t let you manipulate any of the cells in your body into any kind of usable weapon. Any simple wrong move could make things turn south in the most drastically terrifying of ways. If you went in there, you’d just die, and there’d be more casualties, more trouble, more problems caused by you and you alone.

You can’t even call your father, either. That would always be your last resort— because even if you fought, you still needed him to rest. You didn’t want him overexerting himself by using his cursed technique at all.

(You were selfish. You didn’t want to lose your father. You didn’t want to have to visit not one but two parents lying sick and tired and grey in matching hospital beds.)

“Yuuji?” you start, turning to him. “You’re…deathly quiet. Are you okay?”

His lips quiver slightly, a faint whimpering noise coming out of him. Is he crying?

“Yuuji, look at me. Are you okay?” you ask, as gently and softly as you can right now, despite your ragged, unsteady, unathletic-addled breaths. You place a hand on his shoulder, slowly rubbing up and down from his shoulder and crook of his neck to his back. “It’s okay. …Megumi’s a good and… capable, strong person and jujutsu sorcerer. He’ll be okay, and they’ll be okay too. Just… just put your trust in him, okay?”

“I’m sorry, [Name], but I’ve got to go,” he tells you, “You stay here, and call for help or something. I’m sorry, but I’ve just really got to do it!”

He hugs you, quickly, deftly. And then he crosses the gate, leaving you all alone like Megumi did. You wish he’d hug you longer, that you could take care of him for a little longer— it was your last way to be useful now.

Still, there’s someone you could call, now that you remember him.

The emergency contact.

You snatch your phone out, resolute.

“Hello! Gojo Satoru speaking,” the voice on the other line says.

You’ve heard it plenty before by accident.

When Gojo and Megumi are back, Yuuji’s in the form of a figure slung over Gojo’s shoulders like he’s been reply entrenched into slumber, his body seemingly limp and his torso completely bare. There’s barely an ounce of movement in him, except for slow exhales and inhales you can see on his chest. Sasaki and Iguchi are both nearly the same, the former covered in bruises and in a deep, panicked haze, and the latter as asleep as Yuuji seemed to be while harbouring injuries he may never recover from.

The only non-roughed up one here is Gojo, it seems; Megumi has a stream of blood running from the top of his head in rivulets, staining his sweaty, scraped forehead.

“Wh— you two, what happened? Why are they all asleep? What happened to Yuuji? Are they okay? What—”

“Calm down, kid,” Gojo says, “They’ll be fine. I mean, there’s a 100% chance that your friend can be executed, but…”

“Executed?” you almost scream, “What the hell happened? You said things would be okay!”

“Uh-uh, again, calm down. I mean, we don’t even know when they’re gonna make him kick the bucket! He ate Sukuna’s finger, by the way.” He holds his arms up in faux surrender.

“Gojo you ignorant slut! Don’t you fucking dare tell me to ‘calm down!’ He ate Sukuna’s finger? Why weren’t you able to stop anything? What’s going to happen to him now? You know what— give him to me!”

“You know, it’s not like I’m scared of being hunted down by your father if you use your cursed technique— I mean, I’m leagues stronger than him— but the stuff was too strong. It’s not like you’ll be able to get rid of the finger in your little boyfriend.”

“He’s not her boyfriend!” Megumi interjects.

“Thank you, Megumi!” Your face is going hot like a campfire fanned by the wind.

“Oh?” Gojo adds, a teasing lilt in his voice. “Anyway, we’re going to get him to a place where we can cover everything with talismans to surround him.”

They’re going to execute him at Jujutsu High after.

“I’m coming with you.”

“You sure?” Gojo asks, “Your father isn’t going to like you travelling so far away without telling him.”

Megumi shifts, a little sombre. “[Name], you don’t have to.”

“...I’m doing this for Yuuji, not for you.”

“You okay?” Gojo asks while the three of you are back in the hospital. (You hate this building so much.) Iguchi’s been transferred to a ward, Sasaki having woken up and insisting on staying with him. “I’ve got kikufuku if you want some. You must be really tired since it’s so late, huh?”

The whole situation is so incredulous you’re unsure of whether you want to burst out laughing or dismember someone.

“...nothing. Wait, let me see Yuuji again.”

Everyone is asleep, it seems— all except for you and Gojo. Yuuji’s been knocked out, and Megumi’s stuck in the world of his dreams.

You can’t sleep. There’s just nothing to put your mind at rest.

At least if there’s one thing you can do it’s this.

Gojo picks him up by the sides of his torso (now temporarily clothed with a spare white shirt) like a child with a heavy book. “Woah— he’s pretty heavy for a fifteen year old kid.”

You lay Yuuji face-up on the line of hospital chairs. There are thin scarlet marks right under his eyes— Sukuna’s eyelids, you’ve been told.

You should’ve done more to protect him.

Slowly, reticently, you kneel by the side of the chairs. You press your fingertips onto that pair of thin tiny lines.

Nothing happens. You can’t picture his cells being able to grow back. It’s as if there’s been a slit on his face and its outline has been replaced with brand-new skin. His cells don’t budge.

“Why don’t you help Megumi? I bet he’s got plenty of healable injuries.”

“…I don’t think I’ll be able to help much. I could faint if I try helping him now. It’s better to leave it to Dr Ieiri or something.”

“Pft,” he scoffs, “Shoko? She’s definitely not going to heal all of him. It’ll just be a waste of her time. You can just help him with the tiny scrapes and bruises first. And I’ll even tell her that you did it. She’s really fond of you, you know.”

You give him a shy, modest smile. “Thanks, then.”

It’s time to get to work.

Megumi’s skin is smooth like a baby’s just like the last time you felt it, though the frown on his face, ever-present, is bound to cause wrinkles there in less than a few decades’ time. You place your hands on him, bruised and bloody, watching in your mind and directing his cells as they work.

Once the smaller injuries have been dealt with, you stop. “I can’t really work on the one on his head, since then you’d get another fainted person to carry around, but he should be fine with some bandages and patching-up there, because I’ve already kind of catalysed the start of that area’s healing process a little. Other than that, he should be completely fine. I’ll give it, say… two weeks or so for it to get better completely.”

“Good work!” he smiles, the outline of his cheeks visible on his blindfold.

“By the way, Mr Gojo…”

“You know, I appreciate the respect you’re giving me now, but just Gojo is fine.”

“Okay, Gojo. Do you think Yuuji will be okay?”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure. And I’m going to ask them to suspend his sentence. I’ll just see whether he wants that or not once he wakes up.”

“That’s the thing. I’m not sure if he even will.”

Gojo laughs. “Don’t worry. He was really strong, and able to switch between being possessed by Sukuna and being himself at will. We haven't seen that kind of talent in a millennia! I’m sure they’ll listen to me, anyway.”

“Thank you,” you sigh. Thank goodness. “If you need any type of payment, um… teleport to my house whenever you get inconvenient little cuts like bruises and stuff. I can help.”

“Nah, reverse cursed technique’s got me covered.”

“Oh, wait— I forgot about that— um… I can…”

“Just leave it to me! No payment required,” he exclaims, holding both thumbs up. “And for the record, the one who wanted to save Yuuji was actually Megumi.”

You wouldn’t have imagined that would happen. Megumi— pragmatic, serious, unkind when he needs to be (no matter how kind of a person he actually is— no, was— at heart), different from Tsumiki in so many ways. There was no way he would have been the one vouching for Yuuji, someone he’d only just met, to be spared.

“Really?” you ask, “I… wouldn’t have thought he was the one who would do it. I thought, maybe, you were just… really kind tonight or something…”

“Well, maybe it was because he saw how much you cared about Itadori and did it for you, or maybe he had met Itadori, liked him, and just wanted to save a good person,” Gojo suspects, “But if there’s one thing for sure it’s that your old friend saved your new one.”

“...oh.”

You’ll have to bring it up with him next time— maybe, if he’s still there tomorrow…

“I know you’re mad at him, but a lot has happened,” Gojo states, voice lower, softer like a schoolteacher’s, “Still, I won’t tell you that you have to give him a chance or any of that. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to thank him or anything. I’m sure he did it out of his own volition without expecting anything from you. He knew he probably didn’t deserve to if it were you.”

You pause. “No, it’s just… I’ll talk to him again the next time I see him. Alone, most likely. And I can figure something out. I think that would be the best way to go around things. Thank you, Gojo.”

18-6-2018

The aftershocks are still there, although you’ve come out unscathed.

Last night was a mingled mess, a blur. You’d tried your best to help Iguchi by the time Yuuji was placed in the room of talismans and you could come back to the hospital and visit, but in the end he still needed better help than that. His injuries were too large of scale for how you were at that moment, already tired after healing some of the numbers done on Megumi.

(You were useless. You couldn’t help anyone. You couldn’t prevent Yuuji from being hit with such soul-striking guilt., couldn’t help Sasaki from being traumatised, couldn’t help Iguchi enough for him to be back at school soon—)

Sasaki’s injuries were limited to bruises and scrapes, but though you could help her physically, there was nothing you could do to assist her emotionally.

You stayed with them for a few hours in the ICU and then one of the hospital wards (a floor under your mother’s), your father calling you once the sun had risen.

“Gojo Satoru told me about everything that happened.”

“Yeah. I know you’ll scold me, but… not now. I’m sorry, I’m just really tired.” You hang up.

For all you spoke of wanting to be useful, the night when your powers were needed the most was when you were at your most useless— you couldn’t help them, you couldn’t help attack the cursed spirits, and the only thing you could do was call for an adult’s help like a little, scared and helpless girl.

You needed to train, and train harder than you had been doing for the past few years.

There’s a knock on the door, a dot-dot-dot-dot-dot. dot dot. It’s Yuuji, you know it is. How ever could you not?

Timidly, movements quiet like the room itself, you pull the door knob, seeing him there, relatively unscathed. You sigh in relief, a moment’s respite before you return to the panic you had been living in before since you deserve the respite less than other people do— no, you don’t deserve such a break at all, you’re absolutely sure of that, not after what you pulled, how horribly and utterly useless you were, you’ll remind yourself of that again and again and again— the heart-piercing guilt and the worry and the constant need to care for the people around you, almost like a mother, maybe, but you don’t like that thought as much as you think you should. Maybe if your own mother knew, she’d disagree— maybe she’d tell you that you should be a mother, maybe she’d ignore that you were also a child at certain times— the most convenient ones, probably. When she thinks it good that you, a child, were someone’s caretaker because women should take pride in and appreciate that, she would encourage you to be one; when she thinks it bad that as a caretaker and a so-called ‘adult’ you can have your own autonomy, agency and opinions, then maybe she’d remind you that in her eyes you knew nothing of the world. But maybe, just maybe, there was also a chance that she wouldn’t be like that in any way.

But you wouldn’t put it past her.

“Yuuji, are you okay?” There are questions about to spill out of you, tears about to fall like gushing rivers, but you’re just happy he’s alive at this point.

“Yeah.” His voice is soft. Your chest twinges; it hurts like an awful, intransigent little bruise. “Hi, [Name].” It feels so unignorable, the way it’s filled with such sorrow and worry that it weighs his usually loud and boisterous voice down.

“I thought that—” you start, lips trembling, “I thought there was a chance I couldn’t lose you. The only thing I could do was—” you sniffle, “Hope that they could delay it or something.”

“Yeah. I’ll explain it later,” he says, his voice sincere.

You squeeze the wrist of his sleeve. “Don’t do things like that ever again,” you plead, “Promise me that at least.”

“I promise.”

“And keep your promises.”

“I will.”

“...want to come inside?”

He walks inside, and you step back to make way for him.

“Sorry I came so late,” he says to you and Sasaki, who shakes her head in reassurance. “Hello, Sasaki,” he greets, “Is Iguchi okay?”

They speak for a while— you don’t feel like it’s much of your right to join their conversation, since you did nearly nothing at all when they were most in danger, so you leave them be for a while. It would be better not to bother them right now, anyway. They’ve both been traumatised until it reached beneath their bones within the past twenty-four hours.

When you leave the hospital, Sasaki tells you that she’s going to stay. You tell her to take care, squeezing her hand one final time.

You let her, patting her on the back. You’ll call them later— she’d given you her contact— just to check on the two of them.

“Where’s Megumi?” you ask Yuuji.

“Oh, Fushiguro? I’m not too sure, but that Gojo guy said he’ll be there soon.”

“Where, though?”

Sheepishly, in peak Yuuji fashion, he scratches the back of his neck. “Actually, another reason why I came here was also because… I mean, I know you and him weren’t close, but I’m going to the place where they’ll keep Grandpa’s ashes, and I think… you know, you could come with me. I… I don’t think I’d be able to do it really well alone, even though he had definitely made it clear he seriously didn’t want me moping around after his death and all. Gojo and Megumi will probably be there, but I thought it would be better if you were there because I know you better than those two, and you’re my friend. So… could you come with me? I know that he never really showed it, but I think he had always liked you a lot. Like, he was happy we were friends and stuff.”

“...mhm. I’ll always be happy about that,” you tell him, before pulling him into a hug. The guy must need one right now. You’ve never hugged him before. Your heart hurts.

The air is hot and humid with the breath of summer, bundles of mosquitoes bound to be breeding new ones these next few weeks. Up in the sky is the sun, bold and bright, glaring down harshly at the two of you.

“Before he passed away, Grandpa actually said something. He… kind of cursed me, if I’m being honest,” Yuuji starts. “He said I was a strong kid, so I should help people. And I’m going to do that. So that was why when Gojo asked if I wanted to be executed immediately or just eat all the fingers before dying, I chose the second option. I… I think I want to help people that way.”

‘You’ve already helped people enough. You helped me,’ you almost tell him.

You frown, because that’s the only thing you can do right now. You search for words to say the same way you do looking for dog books in libraries chock-full with those of other genres. “I’m… disappointed, I— I know I should be grateful, grateful that you’re still going to be alive and all, but… you’re still going to be in danger, and you’re still going to be executed one day. I mean, again, I know I should be happy you’re going to have more time alive and that I can still see you, but what if things don’t go as planned? What if you lose control of yourself once you reach, like, the fifth finger or something?”

You’re selfish like that. In a way, you’re just the way your mother is. You should’ve always known— you were her beloved daughter after all, and the people you know would be loved the same way she did you since the day she knew of your existence, and maybe even before that.

“Don’t worry,” he grins, wide as always. Even in an over-enveloping darkness he still manages to be the light. “I’ll be just fine. I’m a strong kid, after all. And we’ll always be friends!”

Gojo asks if he and Yuuji can talk in private for a while. You wonder if this was how your mother felt as she had to give the person she loved most away (but you will have to go away, one day), because you can briefly tell what Gojo is going to ask. You wonder if she felt this twice.

Yuuji can’t stay with you forever. In the same way you can’t remain by your mother and father’s sides for all eternity.

This won’t be the last time you’re here, you think. For a place of death, it’s quite a bit beautiful how there’s such large masses of grass and plants surrounding it.

Megumi nearly walks past you, his eyes on the old photographs of the deceased all around him.

“Megumi.”

He turns around.

“I just wanted to thank you for wanting to save my friend, even if you may not have wanted to do it for me, specifically… um… I didn’t expect that you’d still be here. Are your injuries okay?”

“I’m okay,” he answers you. “And also, I…” he hesitates, the first time he’s talked to you for something actually related to the two of you in a long time— nearly two years if you’re counting correctly, but the thoughts in your head are a bit too jumbled to count at the moment. “I didn’t really do it for you, though. It… it was for Tsumiki.”

“Oh.”

“Wait! I’m sorry, that didn’t… come out right. But I should also apologise for something else. You wouldn’t have been thrown into this world anyway if not for my own demon dogs years ago.”

“No, no, it wasn’t your fault. And I would have wanted to be in it anyway. There’s not many who can heal other people and all, so I just thought… even if I can’t do as much yet, since I don’t have reversed cursed technique and the drawbacks that come from mine are really bad, I can still help people sometimes if they’re dealing with relatively minor injuries. I can, um… make things easier for people. I can be useful like that. I’d keep to it anyway, because I’m stubborn, but… yeah. It wasn’t your fault, really.”

“Okay. That’s good to hear.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m happy to know that Tsumiki is okay.”

Silence again for a while. The air turns a little more sombre, and a lot more awkward.

“She is. And Itadori seems… like a good person. I think it’s good, that… you were able to find a friend like that.”

“It was. He’s a really, really good guy.”

“You love him a lot,” Megumi says.

“I do. He’s a really good friend. If there’s something I’ll always know I know that, at least.”

“I can see that. It doesn’t seem like he loves you back in the same way, though.”

“...wow. Way to be blunt, Megumi. And yes, I do know that, too.”

“Let’s just… change the subject.”

“You’re the one who introduced it in the first place.”

“Okay. How… how are you?”

“I’m good. Wait, I think you should… go back to them. Maybe they’ll need you there right about now. He’s probably going to have to go to Jujutsu High, right?”

He pauses. “Yeah. I’m sorry, [Name].”

“No, no. That’s okay. I expected it. It’s just that I’ll miss him a lot,” you tell him, “He took care of me, kind of. You know I’ve always been a bit of an awkward or shy person, but he still approached me since I was new and we ended up hitting off as friends, kind of. We did a lot of stuff together.”

Sounds pretty familiar, huh.

“If you want I can make sure he’s safe for you.”

“...you should be able to do that regardless of whether it’s my wish for you to do so or not…” you state, “But that would help, I guess. And I’m sorry for my attitude towards you for the past few hours or so. Thank you again.”

“...I’m sorry I never spoke to you for so long, by the way,” he says abruptly. ‘By the way’? Classic Megumi…

“I could tell you were. It’s… it’s okay. The two of you kind of have a habit of doing that.”

All your rage, your loneliness, your feelings of abandonment— and this is all you can do. This is all you can say. You can only just let it go, in the end.

“I’ll explain it all one day.”

“You don’t have to if it’s hard.”

He stays. “No, I will. I promise. And I promise I’ll start to talk to you again, as well. I was just… scared of a few things, maybe.”

“That’s okay.”

The two of you aren’t quite friends again yet, but it’ll happen soon. Maybe. And even if it doesn’t, you’re finally able to say, with an open, honest heart, that that doesn’t matter as much anymore.

“I guess this is goodbye again, then.”

“Not really.”

“Oh, right— promise to keep in touch, okay? My patience is running thin with you,” you chuckle at that last part, attempting to joke and make things lighter again.

“Promise.”

“I’m going to go home now, by the way. Please tell Yuuji that I wish him the best and I’ll visit when I have my own money to visit Tokyo and all.”

“I will.”

“And help me say goodbye to him for me,” you add, “Hope that’s not too much for you to do. Sorry for the trouble. It’s just that I’d actually just about cry if I had to do it in real time right in front of him. Be good to him and be good friends, okay? Keep that promise, at the very least. That’s the one thing that I wish for the most.”

“Bye, Megumi.” You turn back in the direction opposite of his.

“Wait—!”

His hand is on your wrist. Now you’re in front of him, like yesterday, and he’s holding your wrist, albeit a bit gentler than the way he used to pull it a whole eight years ago.

His eyes are cast away from you, slightly avoidantly and in a way that’s a bit abashed. “I’ll miss you, [Name].”

“It won’t even feel like I’m not there,” you say. Though his grip is slightly tight, he loosens it as soon as you try to slide it up, as if he’d let you be free of it if you want him to.

You squeeze his hand instead, turning to face him. It feels warm. It feels like there’s blood coursing through you, the sensation more tender and tangible than it’s ever been.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, [Name]. I’ll… I’ll call.”

“Thank you.”

Now you’re the one slipping away from his grasp. You move your hand away and walk back. The door slides open.

2010. Springs, summers, autumns, winters. Hands on wrists, a back faced to your eyes, wide with innocence. Warmth and laughter and happiness and love. Days coloured with vibrant hues and time spent with dog books and in libraries. Frowns were greeted with smiles. Hesitance was non-existent. You didn’t feel a need to compensate for your uselessness. You were a child. You didn’t feel useless at all. You just felt this: a constant leaping in your heart, the corners of your mouth twisting up into a juvenile grin, braiding someone’s beautiful brown hair and tying it with a pretty cherry hair tie.

You want to cry as you walk back home.

You’re pretty sure you do.

taglist:

@bakananya, @sindulgent666, @shartnart1, @lolmais, @mechalily, @pweewee, @notsaelty, @nattisbored

(please send an ask/state in the notes if you'd like to join! if I can't tag your username properly, I've written it in italics. so sorry for any trouble!)

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the-virgoperspective · 1 month

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The Signs As The Most Iconic Albums of The 2010’s (IMO)

Aries: DAMN by Kendrick Lamar (2017)

This album brought heat. Heat that could burn this planet straight to ashes. It’s confrontational, angry, fast-paced, and entirely innovative. There were levels upon levels upon levels to the songs that embarked you on an exhilarating auditory adventure. It’s an aries album! Specifically aries moon and ascendant (this is not a biased decision) because of how each house I feel is represented here. If you really listen to the lyrics and notice the flow of how Kendrick placed each song; there’s no question about it. It covers self identity, finance, communication, family, birth, love, death, travel, community, and the subconscious. It. Covers. Everything. There is a bold confidence here that almost seems like overcompensation for vulnerability/fear in some songs. It focuses on black on black crime, it goes back to its roots, and it’s downright funky (very aquarius in 11th vibes). It’s brash, bold, fiery, and energizing! I could go on about this album for days. It literally won 11 awards in one year! There’s just so much to it!

Songs I Recommend: BLOOD, ELEMENT, PRIDE, XXX. (FEAT. U2.), & DUCKWORTH

Taurus: Ego Death by The Internet (2015)

Sheeeeesh! This album is spectacular! There is such a romantic and smooth vibe to every single song; even the ones that aren’t particularly loving in its lyricism. The r&b/soul elements are alive and well here. The Internet brought the true feeling of that genre back with their own modern and homely twist to it. There is a lot of focus on devotion to another, strong love, physicality, situationships, the low key grind, and enjoying the finer things in life. It has a very venusian vibe but not in an airy way; more so steady and sensual. You can’t help but to move your body in whichever way feels most natural to this album. It’s rich, it’s svelte, it’s earthy, decadent, and simply smooth as butter. The taurus energy is just so strong here, esp taurus sun and venus, as there is a consistent and calming energy within this album. I heavily associate it with this sign because it also speaks to an element of hedonism, as there are clear indications of money/material belongings/love never being enough from life, but I’d consider that aspect to be an extreme.

Songs I Recommend: Gabby (feat. Janelle Monáe), Under Control, Palace/Curse (feat. Steve Lacy & Tyler, The Creator), Get Away, + Girl (feat. KAYTRANADA)

Gemini: Notion by Tash Sultana (2016)

If you have never heard of this artist or album, I implore you to give them a listen, especially if you are a lover of true musicians. This album is difficult for me to describe, mainly because it renders you speechless (which I find funny for a gemini album). It is very mercurial. Tash (this artist is genderfluid and goes by they/them pronouns) was groundbreaking with this album, with it only having a mere 6 songs, and they each hold a different tone yet carry the same message. Tash really shows how exploratory/changeable they are when it comes to various sounds and emotions throughout one song. This album is so varied, tantalizing, and profound. It’s even more mind blowing knowing they created all of these songs on their own and played every single instrument themselves. No joke. Bonus points for Tash being a gemini sun! The lyricism is also very powerful here, as they discuss topics of coming into oneself, paving new paths, and the ramifications of toxic love and habits. This album carries so much versatility and musical passion and that’s really all I can think to say. Such a fantastic introduction. Bravo.

Songs I Recommend: Jungle, Synergy, Notion, Gemini, + Big Smoke

Cancer: + by Ed Sheeran (2011)

Ohhh my. This album still has my heart under lock and key. I had to give cancer (specifically moon and asc) this album because it’s just so delicate and so extremely precious. This album feels like drinking a warm cup of tea while wrapped in a blanket and it’s drizzling outside during fall. Literally. The water/cardinal element and energy is very present here. The way Ed put each song in order to flow so perfectly and cover nearly every emotion was just beautiful. The feeling in this album is very heavy and raw, discussing deep traumas, heartbreak, grief, and addiction; yet also focuses on the sheer joy/love of life and the confidence that can be found within it. This album screams cancer. Bonus points because Ed is a cancer ascendant! He really poured himself into this one and dug very deeply into his own heart. I just feel like this one isn’t debatable or even should be explained. It’s soft, saucy, simple, solemn, and comforting. Honestly, what more can I say? It’s just a perfect cozy album especially if you need a good cry or have been bit by the love bug.

Songs I Recommend: Lego House, Grade 8, Kiss Me, Give Me Love, + Sunburn

Leo: Electra Heart by Marina & The Diamonds (2012)

This is another one of my favorites. It’s timeless, satirical, and downright genius if you ask me. It has a nuance of impulsivity and pomp that is so electrifying; paired with heavy bass and powerful pop beats. It’s leo energy! One thing I have always personally associated with leo placements is power; not only career wise but in their movements, their way of life, and the way they carry themselves. This album was and is powerful! It has carried its popularity through two generations of teen/young adult populations and it’s going absolutely nowhere. I still see memes and references to it circulating! The lyricism is what stuck the most for me (personally) as the entire album is a reflection of what society expects and at times demands from young womxn. It is also a reflection of young womxn trying to figure out who they are, to find themselves, and trying to love. It demands you to look at societies’ expectations and how damaging it can be to a person, and that brings forth (imo) a lot of emotion and self reflection.

Songs I Recommend: Teen Idle, Power & Control, Primadonna, Sex Yeah, + Radioactive

Virgo: channel ORANGE by Frank Ocean (2012)

Oof. Okay, here we go. This album carried me through a lot and I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little biased. It’s difficult to describe this album and how it makes you feel. It covers so many things, loneliness, love, desire, addiction, nepotism, etc. Frank has a criticizing lyricism in some of his songs while also being extremely articulate in the delivery (huge virgo energy). There isn’t a single word that is sung or spoke that I don’t understand. This album is quite varied in feeling and carried a lot of mutable energy to me. It is very intellectual, calm, caring, engaging, and changeable. There is an anxious feeling to it as well and it showcases vulnerability in a way that is inviting yet compelling. You can tell Frank put an incredible amount of thought and time into making this album and that speaks so much for virgo placements to me. I’d associate virgo mercury and venus more than the others but they all still apply. Such a thorough and beautifully constructed album. It’s an A+ and always a classic.

Songs I Recommend: Sweet Life, Crack Rock, Thinkin Bout You, Pink Matter (feat. André 3000), + Forrest Gump

Libra: Mylo Xyloto by Coldplay (2011)

I already know I might get shit for this but let me explain myself. This is such a libra album mainly due to its strong focus on being with someone (companionship). There are many songs that focus on being in love and in a relationship. It also focuses on the beauty and pleasure of life and love, which is very venusian. This album takes you on such a beautiful auditory journey that you really never want it to end. It hits the highs and lows, as libra is not always all about love and light, as isn’t any other sign. The band touches on impulsivity, indecision, relationships, and the strength/health of those relationships. Despite its jovial sounds, they can be discussing such deeply poetic subjects. They can really make anything sound pretty; even ones that are really meant to be sad but are still so stunning in its delivery. Coldplay absolutely did something with this one, as it brings forth such an array of emotions and daydreams. Their music (imo) is made for movies (specifically romances or romcoms).

Songs I Recommend: Hurts Like Heaven, Princess of China (feat. Rihanna), Us Against the World, Paradise, + Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

Scorpio: AM by Arctic Monkeys (2013)

Let me start by saying that this is one of my favorite albums and I still have every song in my library, so obviously, I’m still obsessed. Which leads me to my next point, this album screams “be in love with me, obsess over me, tell me I’m yours and you’re mine” in nearly every song. The lyrics are a bit possessive, very detail oriented, and make many references to knowing something beforehand or finding something out that they already know (intuitiveness). This is scorpio through and through in my opinion. It’s dark, it’s powerful, it’s sly, and it’s captivating. Alex Turner and his leather clad band were honestly the cherry on top of their sound. They looked the part, with their smoldering gazes, gelled and curly classic hair do’s, and black and white filters in their music videos. They also blew up the alternative scene when it came to western style alternative music, so they had a very distinct sound that set them apart from everyone else. Verrrry scorpionic and yes, once again, I am still obsessed.

Songs I Recommend: Arabella, One For the Road, Do I Wanna Know?, Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?, + R U Mine?

Sagittarius: Tourist History by Two Door Cinema Club (2010)

Alright folks, this is another one of my favorites. This is an album that you can dance and/or lose your mind to. There are a lot of metaphors in the lyricism and TDCC did a great job of portraying their messages without revealing much; really leaving it up to you to interpret them in your own way. This album is hard to pin down (much like sagittarius) but focuses mainly on change, passion, independence, travel, taking charge, appreciating life, and appreciating the people you may encounter in your life. It has a very approachable and energizing feel to a lot of the songs and carries that jovial/jupiterian energy that is associated with sagittarius placements. This album has high energy songs and even the low energy ones still have a high to them; much like a rollercoaster. In my opinion, it’s a strong portrayal of the fluctuation of feeling and time, just with its melody and song. This one is very special to me for many reasons, but the biggest one is it just makes me so happy!

Songs I Recommend: What You Know, This Is the Life, Undercover Martyn, Cigarettes In the Theatre, + I Can Talk

Capricorn: Ctrl by SZA (2017)

What a beautiful album. This one I also had on repeat constantly and I know I’m not alone. SZA brought the subjects of internal pressure/expectations of the self and the huge importance of self-worth to the forefront here. It has a huge cardinal energy to it. This is such a coming of age album and focuses a lot on growth of the self and the heart. She really poured herself into this one. It feels very personal, like she is singing straight to you at times, and feels very down to earth as a whole. This album I associate with capricorn asc and venus more than any but I feel like it could apply to other placements as well. Bonus points since SZA is a capricorn asc herself! She used many sound bites of her mother giving her words of true wisdom throughout the album (saturn energy/wisdom from elders) that added a very familial aspect. This album got personal and was very suave and casual in its delivery. It feels like your closest homegirl made it just for you. She was so real for that.

Songs I Recommend: Doves In the Wind (feat. Kendrick Lamar), Prom, Go Gina, Anything, + 20 Something

Aquarius: 2014 Forest Hills Drive by J. Cole (2014)

Y’all, I had this album on repeat constantly in high school. This album is so well rounded and touches on some compelling wordplay; and it’s very poignant and intelligent. J. Cole touches on important topics that most rappers would find difficult or uncomfortable to speak on in their music. This album is very indicative of love/faith and the lack thereof within the self and the community. There are songs that are uplifting, nostalgic, introspective, and at times comical and sexual. There are songs that focus heavily on the rigidity of hyper-masculinity and how hard it can make someone, especially when considering their environment and upbringing. He touches on the hood lifestyle and mindset, growing up in poverty, being the odd one out, and struggling throughout life. This album is two sides of the same coin, casting light on the restriction of the mind, heart, and soul (strong saturn energy) and the beauty of healing. In conclusion, wow, this album opened me up in a way I didn’t think was possible.

Songs I Recommend: Apparently, G.O.M.D, A Tale Of 2 Citiez, No Role Modelz, + St. Tropez

Pisces: Hozier by Hozier (2014)

Where do I even start?! This album is absolutely everything and a bag of chips. It’s affectionate, it’s ethereal, it’s watery, at times lonely, and haunting. The pisces energy is so heavy in this album! It feels like you’re traveling through a forest in search of a lover from a past life; pining, crawling to the one you love. I heavily associate pisces venus with this album (esp with it being exalted in venus). Hozier’s lyricism is poetically profound and transports you to another time with nearly every song. This album has so many elements to it, paying homage to bluegrass, folk, r&b, and fables from his homeland of Ireland. He nurtures the themes of life and death, love and hate, and how they like to mingle with each other. The love he sings for is dreamy and purely devoted, with depth in its rhythm. It’s such a great album to use as an escape as well! This album is incredible and was truly a gift to us all. What an introduction, Hozier.

Songs I Recommend: Run, Cherry Wine, It Will Come Back, Work Song, + In A Week (feat. Karen Cowley)

☥ ombré divider by @cafekitsune ☥

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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

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fic rec friday 20

welcome to the twentieth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. for we are the beautiful thieves by @caimani-ao3

Keith and Lance go undercover (sort of) at General Iverson's gala to steal back an Altean artifact the general stole while treasure-hunting. Keith's job? Sneaking away in the middle of the party to find the artifact. Lance's job? Looking pretty in a dress.

love love LOVE adventure fics this shit ROCKS. voltron?? thief archeologists whose main goal is to steal artefacts from rich asshole collectors and return them to where they came from?? iconique!! klance playing the pretty distrction?? iconique moreso!!

2. ring my bell by @dumdum692 [EXPLICIT]

And granted, Keith has always been a sore spot for him in this way; Lance has always felt at odds with his domesticated temperament, and Keith holds absolutely none of that. Keith doesn't give two whopping shits about getting pimples, or if Stacy in English class thinks he has bad breath. Keith isn't standing zombie-eyed in the purple lights of a party, plotting woe-is-me narratives of his own melancholia and loneliness, gazing detachedly into a red Solo cup full of jungle juice - he just is, and that's always made Lance, in equal parts, devastatingly embarrassed and devastatingly horny.

Sadly, this scale weights significantly more towards the horny end as of late, because Keith is developing quite a few, very distinctly Galra characteristics, and it's driving Lance absolutely buck fucking nuts.

______________________________________________

Keith goes through puberty. Devastation ensues.

this fic is a proud truther of two important things: a) lance’s type is literally anyone who can kick his ass and look good doing it, and b) lance has a big vocabulary entirely so he can be as melodramatic as possible whenever he so pleases. and i for one am thankful for its service.

3. Cross My Path by @wittyy-name [EXPLICIT]

Lance owns a witch themed cat cafe that rescues black cats. Each one has a unique collar and color coded name to help tell them apart. He's not supposed to play favorites, but he's already adopted his favorite, Red, as his own. Cold and distant to everyone, Red is extremely affectionate to Lance. Needy. Clingy. Protective. But Lance doesn't mind. He makes Lance's home a little less lonely. He's a little weird, but aren't all cats? He loves his baby boy, and he's eternally grateful for the day that little black fluff ball crossed his path.

Lance doesn't think twice about Red's odd quirks. That is, until he wakes up with a naked stranger in his bed.

And hey! Turns out Red is actually a witch named Keith who's been cursed to be a cat for twenty years. A really hot witch who's still very affectionate towards Lance.

any fic that’s tagged with catboy keith is a winner in my book tbh. and this fic is AMAZING the entire concept is unbelievably cool and the storyline is adorable!! also healthy relationship boundaries and expectations for the win!! plus rough sex also!!

4. know by petalloso

Keith couldn’t feel his legs. Upon further realization, he couldn’t feel his arms either, or his hands. He could, however, feel Lance’s hands, and they were all over him, running up and down his chest in inspection, tilting his chin this way and that, pulling him up from the floor where he figured he’d landed probably because his knees had just given out on him.

“Stupid,” he heard Lance say. “You blew out your legs.”

those 2016 fics man!! they never miss they just dont!! insane to me that this author apologises for being ooc as if their portrayal of keith is not the most in character portrayal possibly ever lol. AND this fic has oldest child lance my beloved

5. stud by petalloso

“Ow.”

Keith stops in his tracks, listening. The voice comes again, louder and more elongated this time, muffled behind the door.

“Ouch,” it says, and then, “shit shit shit.”

lance IS the type of impulsive dumbass to pierce is own ears, and i thank this writer greatly for pointing that out. this fic is cute and sweet and silly which are my three for three basically

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#can u believe that we have now made it to 100 fics recced!! and 20 weeks of fic rec friday!!#whooo!!!#vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #established klance #pre klance #flirting #bad flirting #bamf keith #bamf lance #bamf klance #modern au #fic rec #fic rec friday

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tetrakys · 1 year

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Are we all secretly Argentinian? A brief history of VPN in Beemoov's fandom

Once upon a time, when only High School Life and maybe Eldarya TO were out, players were able to choose their own bank when making a purchase on the games websites. Some banks were extremely cheap compared to others, the cheapest of all being Argentina. This from the perspective of people living in other countries. As an example:

2800 Gold coins were worth 39€ or 49$ or 400 ARS 400 ARS were the equivalent of 27$ in 2016.

So, clearly, anyone given the chance would spend less with such a big discount. And the chance was indeed given, since it was easy to just select another country's bank on the website.

Fast-forward a few years, the option to choose a bank was removed, and people could only use the bank associated to the country they were connecting from. It didn’t take much time for people to realise that it was enough to change IP via a VPN to make the games think you were connecting from Argentina and still access its bank. Additionally, Argentinian's currency was getting more and more devaluated in time and prices were never really adjusted at the bank. So, those 2800 Gold which were worth 400ARS or 27$ in 2016, were now worth 11$ in 2019.

This VPN trick has been around for years now. Not all players were aware of course, and not everyone was comfortable in using a VPN or able to. But still, quite a lot of people were doing so. Some of them even made a business out of it, recharging other people's accounts using a VPN and taking a fee for their "service".

Fast-forward again, to 2022. The VPN trick escalated, the secret was not that much of a secret anymore, especially because people were freely talking about it everywhere, Discord, Facebook, all social media really, even TikTok videos were made explaining how to do it. Very simply, too many people were using it. Consequently, Beemoov worked on it and managed to remove Argentina's bank from most VPNs for people playing from Europe and North America. (NOT South America, as I vaguely remember it was mentioned that they were trying to protect the Argentinians living in nearby countries). This led to a crazy uproar, mostly from the biggest fandom affected, the French one. People were leaving tons of messages on all socials demanding the reinstatement of Argentina, and also sending curses and death threats to Beemoov employees. The most recurrent message was of people outraged that the company had blocked VPNs without telling their players and demanding dialogue and compromise. On the other hand, Beemoov replied that VPNs were never a functionality of the games, and they don't need to discuss it with players.

Approximate translation of Beemoov's official reply (neither French nor English are my mother tongues so feel free to double check):

"Goodmorning. The use of VPN isn't a functionality offered by the game, just like it isn't normal use of the game to circumvent the base tariffs. Thus it's normal and logic that the company would put a stop at this technique. (Without having to communicate it since it's not a functionality of the game that we are retiring or modifying, but the exploitation of a fallacy.) The tariffs that each country pays are established according to their buying power. Of the 2 euros payment that can be done by the players via VPN Argentina, the company only earns a few cents. And with just a few cents it's clearly impossible to cover the costs of the episodes production and business costs in general, pay our employees, and create new content for our players. Under these conditions, it's certain that the company would eventually go bankrupt. (Like many of you wish, but us not that much.) To give you a less abstract example, it's as if someone would accept to see their salary of 1329 euros (minimum wage, for example) drop to 44 euros. Do you think this person would be able to live without any problem? We are sorry if our base tariffs are not convenient for you and we understand that they are not accessible to all of our players, but these are what allow the company to survive and to make new content. Of course like in all free-to-play games you are not obliged to pay and you always have the possibility of playing for free (and this is thanks to the players who pay the normal price)."

Fast forward again to this year, August 2023. The economic crisis in Argentina has led to high inflation and 22% devaluation of currency. All businesses have had to up their prices, including Beemoov. Those 2800 gold coins that used to be worth 400 ARS ~ 27$ in 2016, and then 11$ in 2019? Are now worth 1.14$. Beemoov has had to up the prices and now these are costed at 6,800 ARS (or 19.43$), an increment of 17 times its original value (but still less than the 2016 dollar equivalent).

Consequently, we have seen now the rest of the fandom, the part that hadn't been affected one year ago, going ballistic. And the same kind of threats and complaints that were posted last year by the European fandom are now posted by the American fandom. One would assume that only the Argentinians are complaining, rightfully so, since they are the ones directly affected. But actually most of the complaints come from people living elsewhere who were either using VPNs for their own benefit or created a business out of it.

(these are from 4 different people I found with just a 5 minutes search, we really live in a capitalist dream lmao)

Additionally, people have been upset about the company's reply. This message has been circulating in several social media, and people wonder if it's true or fake.

I don't know who originally posted so I can't say if it's true or not. (Personally I tend to believe it is.)

(Using Google translate here because I don't know a word of Portuguese, so please correct me if this is wrong.)

"To be fair, Latin America is far from our biggest customer, but that's not the point. Beemoov was forced to take action after numerous abuses by players (and in particular 80% of purchases from Brazil) using VPNs to connect to Argentina and take advantage of this country's poor financial situation to buy APs and other in-game currencies. The few players currently residing in Argentina are unfortunately affected by the situation and we are very sorry, but we could not remain inactive in the face of a fraud of this magnitude that puts the company's sustainability at risk (payment of employees, office rent, work equipment, taxes, creation of new content, etc... Each of these must be paid in euros following the French currency - as we are located in France)."

People have been particularly offended by that "LATAM isn't our biggest customer" which isn't hate, it's a fact. Despite the LATAM fandom being big (second only to France by number of players), the currencies of all the countries involved are worth less than euros, and that's why it can't be the biggest client, it's just math.

Some math below for who is interested, but feel free to skip: For example 1300 gold are costed 200 in mexican pesos which is 10.7 euros. Similarly this same amount of gold is 30BRL in Brazil, which translates to 1.6 euros. Compared, 1300 gold in France are costed 19 euros. (On top of these there are also bank fees and currency exchange fees). This means that, if no one were using VPN, it would take two mexican players for Beemoov to earn the same amount as they earn from a French player. And even more, 12 Brazillian players to pay what they get from one single French player. (Again, I'm not considering bank fees, so these numbers should actually be higher). Of course this is just an example on one single purchase. It's not representative of the whole bank. But with some very hacky math, approximately I think that LATAM doesn't contribute to more than a quarter of Beemoov's revenue (and keep in mind that for the past year LATAM could use Argentina VPN and Europe couldn't). Of course, again, this is veeeery approximate, but I remember Brazil wasn't included in Uncoven, so I think that if they are cutting another bank in the future it might be that one. This is not the case for New Gen of course since we know Brazillian is one of the languages included.

So, where are we now?

VPNs are still being used of course, not Argentina but other countries (mostly Brazil, Turkey, and a few others). I don't think there's any stopping VPNs for good in the old games, but I'm pretty confident the company might've found a way for New Gen.

What do I think of all this?

These up here are facts. Now my personal opinion is that things aren't that black and white. I totally agree with the fact that the company has expenses and needs to pay salaries of their employees etc etc. At the same time it's also true that for whatever business when a product is faulty prices are lowered. Eldarya ANE has not the same quality as the other games, prices should reflect that but they don't. Similarly, some episodes are released very bugged, and people have to replay 3, 4, 5 times to get the illustration they would've been able to get in one playthrough and should be compensated for that. In Moonlight Lovers there was a crazy bug for more than a year, me and the friends I made guides with had to replay each episode at least 5-8 times. I don't even want to try to estimate the amount of money I wasted on that game otherwise I would curl in a ball and cry. The company should've provided compensation to us and all the players who played Moonlight Lovers during that year, but they didn't. So when episodes are bugged and people have to replay many times I see VPNs as morally justified.

But bugs asides, the point is that if VPNs were used only a few times, and only by those players who really would not be able to play otherwise, then nothing would've happened. But as always, when something is abused the "authorities" try to put a stop to it. (Because really it's crazy that a middle-class European via VPN spends only a few cents on each episode and then expects to see more content. This isn't only fraud against the company, but also disrespectful toward the players who pay full price and allow the games to keep existing.)

However, I want to end this post with a positive message, if anyone made it this far it's earned. During my deep dive in the fandom to write this post, I saw that the trolls, the haters, the death and violence threats against Beemoov workers or other players, the wishes to see the company go bankrupt and everyone left without a job, all these came from Europeans and Americans alike. Seeing all these curses and threats in english, french, spanish, brazillian portuguese etc warmed my heart. There is no racism when it comes to hate, humanity sucks everywhere 💕

#beemoov #eldarya #my candy love #mcl #peggy's corner

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kaddyssammlung · 9 months

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Sundowning

– Transcript from Revolver Sleep Token Special Edition

Sleep token formed in 2016 in the UK. They self-released their debut EP “One” in December of that year, before signing to Basic Records for their 2017 three-track follow-up “Two”.

From the beginning, there was a mystique about them: The image of four anonymous musicians in cloaks and ornate-looking masks, their exposed chests and arms, daubed in the thick black paint, invited questions. At first, Sleep Token answered those questions if cryptically but soon they would begin declining all interviews. In the early days, it seems, Sleep Token acknowledged that their story required a little exposition. A commonly held misconception among the fandom is that Sleep Token had only ever done one interview with British music magazine Metal Hammer in 2017, around at that time of the “Calcutta” single release. In fact, the band granted another interview in 2018 to Kerrang and in both of those rare press engagements, Vessel underscored the artistic purpose of their concealed identities.

“How we got here is irrelevant,as irrelevant as who we are - what matters is the music and the message” Vessel declared to Metal Hammer. “We are here to serve, Sleep and project his message”. When asked in that same conversation about the band's genre-defying approach, he said, “life is dark, life is bright, life is ugly, life is beautiful. Don't get lost in genres. They will disorient you, music, as for everyone”. In the Kerrang interview, Vessel doubled down on Sleep Token's philosophy of unhinging the art from its makers. “The true identities behind Sleep Token are immaterial and ultimately irrelevant”. As Vessel said at the time, “art has become entangled with identity...our aesthetic is there to fill the void left by that absence. True to those words, Sleep Token have remained anonymous and eschwed interviews ever since. Instead, they have communicated about entirely through their music and its accompanying visuals. Each song is an apparent offering to the primeval deity known as Sleep.

A once powerful being who, according to the band's lore, promised Vessel ultimate glory if he were to devote himself fully to him. He is now known as Sleep because, as background information shared by Basic Records put it, no modern tongue can properly express its name.

His past saw him wield far greater power than in modern age, bestowing ancient civilizations with the gift of dreams and the curse of nightmares. As insightful fans have noted, Sleep bears a wealth of similarities to the shadow archetype in Jungian philosophy, which is part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, and desires, and the aspects of oneself that are seen as not just unacceptable to society but contradictory to one's own personal morals and values. Is Vessel devoting himself to Sleep by offering him this music as a token or is he appeasing him? The consequences among the fans will have poured their free time into unpacking the overarching narrative in the band's music as that it's the story of a toxic power struggle. Vessel oscillates from a love bordering on obsession to frustration, desperation, and anger at Sleep's apparent indifference or even outright resistance towards him explaining the fluctuations on Sleep token's song to the text. This narrative had already been foregrounded in the band's first two EPs, but it was much more fully realized on the 2019 debut album “Sundowning”, which also marked the first release on Spineform Records. Its title refers to a phenomenon experienced by dementia patients regarding a range of behavioral changes that typically, but not necessarily, begin as the sun is setting and resolves themselves by morning. Those who experience it may become agitated or anxious, sometimes feeling like theyare in a wrong place, like they need to go home despite already being at home.

Sundowning, the album title, might then refer to a feeling of disorientation and distress that comes over Vessel whenever Sleep, presumably a creature of the night, arrives. The lyrics of “the night does not belong to God”, seemingly confirms this. You can remember only till the sun recedes once again. Vessel groans before the chanted hooks come in. The night comes down like heaven. “Sundowning” didn't get a typical album rollout. By the time it was released in November 2019, all of its 12 songs were already in fans' hands. Starting on June 21st, the summer solstice, the band dropped a new track every other Thursday at that time of sunset in the native United Kingdom. Beginning with album opener, that night does not belong to God and proceeding along the tracklist order. From both an artist and a marketing perspective, it was an innovative approach. One of many Sleep token were out to buck tradition, but only did the regularity of the world build a sense of anticipation. But it also kept Sleep Token at the front of fans' minds as they outpaced the speed at which most bands could release singles ahead of a new album.

Brilliantly, the campaign also fit into the band's story. Every fortnight as the sun was setting, Vessel presented yet another offering to Sleep. On “Sundowning”, as well as the band's subsequent LPs, each of these offerings had its own visual identity. In a case of Sleep token's first album, every song is represented by a sigil, a series of interconnected shapes, often lines, triangles, and circles that construct some sort of meaning. It is believed that the symbols have various origins. Some reference the Elder Futhark, (the oldest runic alphabet, which is also referenced in the Sleep token's logo,)

and the Enochian letters (an occult language) while others resemble the symbols for demons in the goetic grimoire Ars Goetia (a 17th century book oof sorcery). The aspect of the sigils that has most fascinated the fans, however, is the connection to alchemical symbology. Alchemy is an ancient tradition that is both philosophical and proto-scientific, and fans have latched onto the alchemical meanings of the sigils as meanings of finding hidden significance written within the songs. For instance, the sigil for the offering features the symbol for a callous or crucible and the symbol for fumes or smokes, suggesting the idea of something being burned as a ritual sacrifice. Within the song itself, Vessel makes this notion more explicit. This is a giving, an offering, in your favor, a sacrifice in your name, he sings.

That's one of the simpler examples. For a song like Dark Signs, the symbology becomes a little more complex. One of the individual symbols in the sigil refers to sublimination, a phenomenon in which someone witnesses something that challenges the limits of human understanding and the capabilities of human comprehension. This may well be that Vessel experiences interacting with sleep. In a chemical context, sublimination refers to a substance transformation from the solid to the gas stage or vice versa, which could be interpreted as a metaphor for the transition from being in one's body to being only a spirit. Meanwhile, the symbol for iron, which also appears in the Dark Signs sigil, is traditionally associated with the process of making two opposite chemical components separate from each other. Consequently, it's hardly a coincidence that the song itself establishes a growing sense of the division between Vessel and Sleep. Where we met, there must have been dark signs. Vessel sings while he later contends in the chorus that I hate who I have become, as a result of surrendering himself to Sleep. Vessel's feelings toward Sleep fluctuate so wildly, that the over-aching narrative of “Sundowning” is hard to grasp at first. The album opens by establishing Vessel's devotion toward Sleep in its most straightforward and reverent form. The minimalistic “the night does not belong to God” is practically a modern devotional hymn, presenting Vessel at his most eager to worship Sleep. In contrast, the offering introduces not only heavier riffs but also a fuller picture of the seemingly limitless capacities Vessel believes he has for love. The reoccurring image of biting and feeding is underscored by every repetition of take a bite, suggesting that Vessel is fully willing to lose parts of himself, even violently, to sustain and please sleep.

By the third track, “Levitate”, the foundations begin to wobble with Vessel, now gripped by anxiety over the prospect of being separated from Sleep or of Sleep no longer needing him. I can tell you won't remember my cracking bones. He despairs, eventually asking, will you levitate, where I won't reach you? In the next song, Dark Signs, his fears have come true and he's looking at the wreckage of the relationship, missing the man he was before the first, before the first even again. Yet after the conflict between them intensifies and “Higher”, “Take Aim” finds Vessel so deep in a state of love that he's defiant, almost daring Sleep to come back to him. Make me tear my body, make me yearn for your embrace. He challenges. “Sugar, a couple of tracks later represents the second emotional peak of the album with Vessel in the full throes of desire but with an undertone of darkness and violence. He knows Sleep plays a twisted little game but remains addicted to the pain none of the less. After the romantic dreaminess of “Drag Me Under”,

“Sundowning” ends on a note of frustration with Bloodsport. Once again, everything for Vessel has fallen apart and he's left exhausted by all the sacrifice for limited reward: “I made Loving You a Bloodsport I can't win” he curses, making the second downturn in his mood and fortune on the record. It serves as a lasting reminder, intensified by the singer sobbing over the final thrills of the piano that their bond as a destructive force where Vessel gives and Sleep takes. Musically speaking, “Sundowning” is arguably Sleep Token's softest album. It might be the most pop-oriented as well. Give, for example, has the slickness and the arcing, aerobic shape in the melody of something that might have floated around the mainstream in the mid-2010s while a vibrating synth lands that and trap percussion of “Dark Signs” and “Sugar” evoke the feeling of modern R&B.

On the other hand, there's plenty here that verifies Sleep Token's metal credentials. The bite of the guitars cut through like a surprise attack in the middle of a song, a bait-and switch structure that has become all the more frequent as Sleep Token have evolved. A notable expectation is “The Offering” which melts siren-like synths with noshing guitars and intertwines them tightly rather than handling them as a separate tool. By far the heaviest song on “Sundowning”, however, is called an alternative metal slice of fury that stones and swaggers with greater harshness than anything else on the album. Recalling Death Tones at their angriest as well as Sleep Token's contemporaries in Liverpool metal upstarts “Loathe”. Regardless, it's rare for Sleep Token to stick to just one sound. Even the anger of “God” dissipates for a while with a delicate, twinkling piano bridge. When “Sundowning” was released, Sleep Token were in a promising position. On October 3, 2019, they performed a ritual at the Underworld, a 500-capacity venue in London that often acts as the first rung on the ladder of an up-and-coming band's success.

Plant a flag at the Underworld and it's a sign your band is truly going somewhere.

Later that year, the album brought them to the US for the first time and then they returned to the UK for a headline tour in the early 2020s. Unbeknownst to them, however, the ritual they played at the 900-capacity Islington Assembly Hall on January 31 would be the final one for almost a year and a half. Not even the act of worshiping Sleep could justify gathering during the COVID-19 pandemic. The band did attempt to organize a series of socially distanced shows known as the Isolation Rituals in March 2021, but the virus was still too rampant at the time for them to go ahead. Not even Sleep himself could know how fast Sleep Token might have risen if there hadn't been a pathogen standing in their way. None of the last, when the stacking of ritual was approved by the government again, would neatly coincidence with a whole new chapter for the band. Sleep Token's son was about to rise to another level.

(This text was taken from the Revovler Special Edition Collector's mag; I don't own any of this)

#sleep token #sleep token worship #sleep token revolver

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kimigia · 10 months

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my problem with owari no seraph's writing, from someone who's been reading it since 2016

finally decided to revive this blog after it sat untouched for years and collected copius amounts of dust.... just ignore my old posts LMAO

anyways, i have a small list of issues that i think i've already posted about before? but i wanted to compile them all, and add on anything i haven't mentioned before.

*small spoiler warning for recent chapters & light novel*

the countless neglected side plots and characters. i understand that every side story will eventually get its time to shine... but when? i don't think i'd have such a problem with it if the comic updated more often, but i understand that kagami has other scripts to write and it takes yamamoto time to draw the beautiful art. but it's been years since we last saw characters like lacus welt, rene simm, seishiro hiragi, chess belle, makoto narumi and horn skuld. i definintely think it's a huge shame that after being present for like, 50 or so chapters, they just... disappeared. hell, last time yoichi's plan to get revenge on lacus was mentioned was over 5 years ago. again, if the updates were faster i wouldn't have such a problem with it taking so many chapters to finally get to the side storylines. but i just feel like it's been way too long at this point... this has already been stated before, but the lack of mistuba, kimizuki, yoichi, and sometimes shinoa's respective stories being addressed is also really annoying. it feels like they've been completely forgotten and neglected and like the comic is just 'mika & yu + extras''. i want to see yoichi get his revenge on lacus, i want to see ferid's backstory, i want to see mitsuba's relationship with her sister branched out more, i want to see chess and horn and how they're relevant to crowley's story, i want to see where narumi ran off to, i want to see kimizuki's storyline with his sister, and i know these will be addressed eventually, but like... when? to add onto this, i feel like new storylines keep being added on without old ones being addressed. the whole thing with mika turning into a demon, turning into a sword, finding out the first's past, and all of that. but then again, it took us years to finally figure out the first's past, so i trust that these side plots will also eventually get addressed! it's just very messy, and all over the place.

2. the same lines being repeated over and over again. i swear to god every couple of chapters they go through the same dialogue of "we're going to revive everyone and save all of our family members and save the whole world" and i just feel like nothing really happens after that? just from chapters 100-130 it's been mentioned SO many times and i just. if i'm missing something i'd appreciate it if someone could just tell me at this point because i really don't see why the almost exact same dialogue has to be said so often. i am perfectly aware that the whole storyline revives around the importance of companionship, friendship, and love, but it just seems futile for the same exact thing to be stated so often. i think when it's SHOWN rather than just being told is really nice, like how krul and ashera's backstory was played out, or how the love between paimon and bael was shown. we can draw our own conclusions and interpret the story differently based on what we see rather than being spoonfed the same information over and over again. ashera basically cursed his sister because he couldn't fathom living without her, and bael ended his life because he couldn't fathom living without paimon. i think when the love and importance of the character's relationships with each other is shown like this, rather than the same dialogue being restated chapter after chapter, the story flows much smoother.

3. the lack of character development. again, if i've somehow missed it then please just tell me because i can't find it anywhere. specifically in yu's case, because it's been YEARS. i will say, in the early volumes of the manga i definitely saw him undergo a huge change, because before he got put in the demon army he had a very sour attitude and refused to make friends. but after he found his new family, he did a complete 180 and made it his life's mission to live for them and do anything to save them, mika included (later on) but again, that was years ago and since then i've honestly been unable to see much change in his behavior. despite the numerous times guren has shown himself to be a shifty, shady person that's hard to trust, it doesn't go through yu's head. even after they had that huge fight around chapter 112, his anger towards guren wasn't even about the fact that guren planned for his family to be murdered by ferid! he rarely listens to mika, and he generally just goes off and does whatever he likes. i UNDERSTAND that this is just part of his character and personality, but my god is it frustrating to watch... i will say though, him bowing to krul and requesting her help to save mika was a nice surprise that i didn't anticipate. i'd really like to see more of that! more of him listening to other characters who desperately try to help him, etc.

4. the way female characters are written and treated. i understand that this is a shounen manga, but the only female characters in the series being used for fan service gets on my nerves a LOT, especially since they're not really that well written in the first place. also the dialogue and interactions between them... i really really hate that majority of the conversations between just shinoa and mitsuba are played off as boob jokes or something when they could be having legitimate bonding moments and building their friendships. like i'm not gonna lie, shinoa is an absolutely FASCINATING character to me. but i want to see the girls interact with other girls outside of topics that have to do with a man or just making boob jokes!!! (i've only read volume 1 of the catastrophe manga,) but going off of that, the way there could've been so much more attention paid to sayuri's character for example but a lot of the spotlight on her just consisted of either a. her boobs being shown or b. somebody talking about her boobs. i'm not gonna lie, one of the first pages of the manga being a naked 14 year old girl was ....?? anyways. and how could i forget about chess and horn! they're vampires that're hundreds to thousands of years old, and they can't even fall in love or feel romantic desire, but the whole blushing thing while getting down on their knees to suck crowley's blood from his finger? chess getting jealous of horn for being able to suck his blood? hello? like... come on. i will say though, i really like how krul's character is written. in my opinion, she's an example of a well written female character.

an additional note that's not criticism: my opinions on the new art style are kinda 50/50... i feel like for the adult/older characters, the tiny eyes and sharper/more realistic features can make them look kinda weird sometimes, especially their front profiles. but for the younger/child/teen characters, i actually really like it and i feel like it suits them! not having their eyes take up half of their faces anymore looks good, and it can also be interpreted as physical growth.

anyways, there are so so so many things that i legitimately love about owari no seraph, so this isn't me just shitting on the entire series. i'm gonna follow it through to the end, and i'm excited to see how that goes! i just think the writing could use.... some work.

*please excuse any typos*

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #ons #mikaela hyakuya #sote #yuuchirou hyakuya #don't say i'm just complaining istg this is one of my favorite series i wouldn't read it if i hated it #also i'm giving legitimate criticism and backing it up w evidence so idk i think this is perfectly reasonable #shinoa hiragi

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onbearfeet · 3 months

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As requested, here are a few Monster Mash asks based on the "oc asks: not-so-nice edition" list. You decide which characters they're for.

What is a surprising thing your character hides?

What does your character do when they should be sleeping but can't?

What's the worst wound your character has experienced? It can be physical or emotional.

Mwahahahahahaaaaaaa. I think I'll do multiple characters. WARNING: There's mature content in this one, and it's not just canon-typical violence. See the tags if you're worried.

What is a surprising thing your character hides?

Ted has a really beautiful singing voice, even in Man-Thing form. He no longer has the physical equipment to form words in any human language, though, so he's sensitive about it and doesn't let on that he still enjoys singing. But he's sung more than a few lullabies to Jack when he's been asleep or in a coma or whatever. And Alpine gets funny little children's melodies or goofy love songs when it's just the two of them. She accepts this as no less than the worship she deserves, of course.

Elsa is shockingly generous and tells no one but her accountant about it. She inherited an absolutely stupid amount of money from her father's estate, and she IMMEDIATELY stopped using his fortune to fund his "crusade", so she's essentially sitting on a dragon's hoard. She took almost nothing with her when she ran away, so she's lived poor for most of her adult life and is deeply sympathetic to other people in that situation, not that she'll admit it. She had her finance pro shut down the murder-cult fund and set up a clean new fund to support whatever charity she damn well pleases. She's still trying to think of ideas and will probably ask the boys eventually, but just for a start, every public library in the state got a healthy donation, and every shelter she stayed in that treated its inhabitants halfway decently got a bigger one. She's also looking into funding--founding, if she has to--an organization defending the rights and interests of homeschooled children, especially those in high-control environments. Elsa was homeschooled for much of her education according to Ulysses' rather eccentric tastes, and she had to teach herself an awful lot of actual education out of the library. And that's before all the trouble she had as a non-emancipated minor who didn't have her own copies of her identity documents.

God, what DOESN'T Jack hide? He's been alive long enough that there's a huge gray zone of stuff he might have failed to mention because he doesn't want people to know OR because it just never came up. He obviously hasn't discussed his family of origin in detail, at least not with Elsa or Bucky, but I don't consider that surprising. I'm tempted to say his hidden side is something sweet and wholesome, but that's not surprising either. If I said he was hiding something terrible he or the wolf had done, that probably wouldn't surprise most people at all. If I had to guess ... the only SURPRISING thing I can think of is his spirituality, which is complex and deeply personal to him. His family might have been Orthodox, but he's got a lot of Catholic guilt written all over him, and the curse only complicates that more. I don't think he's talked to anyone about what he does or doesn't believe in a hundred years or more. He certainly hasn't talked to me.

Bucky was a sex worker in a time-displaced brothel. Okay, that's both a joke AND an oversimplification, but the first thing I thought of when I saw this question was that Bucky had the same problem as Jack: old, complicated, obviously full of both good traits and horrible trauma so nothing is SURPRISING. Then I remembered that around 2016, I handwrote a story establishing that Bucky had worked for a while as an artist at Lady Sally's. If you've never read Spider Robinson's Callahan books, they're a series of short SF stories and novels centered on a bar run by (spoiler alert) a time traveler who's trying to save the world retroactively by preventing the Cold War from going hot. They are brilliant and hilarious and they formed me as a person. There is also a spin-off series focusing on Callahan's wife, Lady Sally McGee, who does the same thing but with a brothel. The reasoning is complex, but the stories are delightful and some of the first positive, sympathetic, relatively clear-eyed depictions of sex workers (or artists, as they're called here and who am I to disagree?) I ever encountered. So it is my headcanon that young Bucky Barnes started washing dishes at Lady Sally's as a teenager, and she kept an eye on the kid because he had a lot of history ahead of him. He worked as an artist for at least a year before the war, not least because it was the only job in the late 30s that paid well enough to let him afford Steve's medicines. (Sally was keeping an eye on Buck's "roommate", too.) Bucky never told Steve, but he was actually quite a talented and popular artist, and he liked working there. He gave notice when he and Steve finally admitted their feelings for each other, wanting to be monogamous with the man he loved, but Sally insisted he come to her if he or Steve ever needed anything in the future, and she slipped him money from time to time via his former coworkers--who, as far as Steve knew, were just girls Bucky dated to keep up appearances. The connection came in handy, too, when the Winter Soldier was sent to kill a man at Lady Sally's and the staff were able to send him away again thanks to his half-remembered connection to the place. Lady Sally's is closed in our time, but you never know when Bucky might get a phone call from the Lady.

What does your character do when they should be sleeping but can't? I'll leave Ted out of this one on the grounds that his biology is different enough that "should be sleeping" may not apply.

So, on a sleepless night at Bloodstone Manor? Jack bakes. He's got access to a well-stocked kitchen now, anything he makes WILL get eaten, and baking is less likely to wake anyone else than playing his guitar or running endless zoomie laps. He also feels a little better when he can do something kind (and profoundly human) out of his emotional turmoil. Helping people helps Jack, and if there are no monsters to rescue or curses to break, he can at least make sure his people have something delicious for breakfast. (Or a midnight snack. Let's face it, somebody else will wake up from a nightmare in an hour.)

Elsa is currently the queen of maladaptive coping mechanisms. She's cut down on drinking since the boys moved in, much to everyone's relief, but she's still in rough shape emotionally. Although she sleeps better than the others thanks to her sleep-anywhere hunter training, she does occasionally have nights when her brain won't shut up, and her solution to that is to run herself into the ground. She'll hit the dojo for as many hours as it takes, usually. Bucky is trying to coax her into something less destructive in his unique sergeant-y way. The sentence "Your magic rock is not an excuse to bust your knuckles again, so wear some damn gloves!" has been uttered.

Bucky is actually the best adjusted on this front, mostly because his sleep disturbances are the worst. (Jack has more traumatic memories overall. Bucky’s are more concentrated, and he's had to heal brain damage on top of it.) Thanks to his time in Wakanda, he's learned some basic meditation techniques and some therapy exercises to help himself calm down a little. Alpine has some kind of extra sense for when Bucky is in distress, so on the rare occasion she's not already in bed with him when he wakes up screaming, she'll come running in immediately. He usually ends up either curled around her, doing breathing exercises, or settling down in bed with a book while she purrs on his chest until the tension finally melts out of him. Bucky isn't healed by any stretch of the imagination, but by God he's trying.

What's the worst wound your character has experienced? It can be physical or emotional.

Ted Sallis died of his injuries from a horrific accident, drowning in a swamp while his super-soldier serum burned him from the inside out after the so-called love of his life betrayed him. That's the worst for him. Only Jack knows about it, and even he doesn't know it all. Nothing else comes close.

Jack is pretty good at toughing out physical pain by now, so his worst wounds are definitely emotional. I think the worst one was finding out that his sister, Lissa, had died. It was a natural death, but he didn't find out until years later, and she was his last connection to who he was before the wolf. The wound has never fully healed.

Elsa's worst wound is what she told Bucky about in "Bucky Meets the Legion of Monsters": realizing that the monsters she'd been hunting, even without her father's input, had mostly been people. That's an identity-shattering experience that has fundamentally changed her.

Bucky’s worst physical wound was losing his arm. His worst emotional wound was either when he realized Steve wasn't coming to save him from Hydra a second time or when he realized Steve wasn't coming back from his time jaunt. Bucky is profoundly loyal and loving, and he is constantly disappointed by other people's failure to meet him where he is. Thus, he doesn't trust easily, but Steve has always had Bucky’s entire heart, and Steve's broken it twice now. It wasn't intentional the first time and we don't yet know what happened the second, but like Jack, Bucky is walking around with an unhealed wound in his soul. If Steve ever reappears in Bucky’s life, there will be Consequences. Even if Bucky will always forgive Steve and would take him back without hesitation, the rest of the squad will have serious concerns about a fella who'd abandon Bucky Barnes two whole times.

#werewolf by night #bucky barnes #jack russell #ted sallis #elsa bloodstone #alpine the cat #monster mash #lady sally mcgee #callahan's crosstime saloon #one of the books is called Lady Slings The Booze #how can you not love that #ask game #man thing #cw sex mention #cw discussion of sex work

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thomatri · 22 days

Text

Anyone Else But You

Synopsis- based off of Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches

Paring - Semi Eita x freader

Warning- cursing, implied underage drinking, alcohol

———————————————————————

“Semi” I say as we’re cuddled up on the coach watching some movie we’ve watched a million times before

“Yeah love?” He asks looking down at me

“Honestly sometimes I feel like your a part time lover and a full time friend” I say snicker and he smiles

“Well I was your best friend before your boyfriend so I guess that makes sense” he says and I nod

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2011 first year of high school

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“I can’t believe that’s your bag” Semi says snickering

He came over the night before to help me pack my bag NOT to bully me just to clarify

“Well it’s trendy in America” I say and he laughs

———————————————

2014 first year of college

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“I can’t believe there making the lead guitarist ride the train to the venue” I say scrolling on my phone

And he kisses my forehead

“Hm?” I ask looking up and he smiles

“Now is not the time to be mindlessly scrolling now is the time to celebrate” Semi says laughing and I smile putting my phone away

“And what are we celebrating?” I ask staring into his beautiful eyes

“My first gig duh” he says ruffling my hair

“HEY!”

———

I helped Semi through the entire prepping process along with the manager of the band and now there about to start

As the lights dim I hear the guitar rift and the singer begin to sing

And all I can focus on is how incredible Semi looks

He swings from side to side shredding his guitar

He’s amazing

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2013 third year of high school

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“You know one day we’re going to be something great” Semi says the wind blowing as we sit on the roof top

“Oh yeah?”

“Hell yeah!” He says and I laugh

“Like What?” I ask smiling

“We’ll definitely not modeling since we’re pretty ugly” he says snickering and I glare

“Speak for yourself I’m adorable” I say and he kisses me

“Damn Right”

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2013 third year of high school

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I rush out of the house

Geez who knew private school kids knew how to party

God I don’t even know if who’s throwing the part is from our school

I walk until I somehow find myself in what seems to be a forest though I’m pretty sure the owner to the house backyard leads into a forest

I stare at the trees and pebbles on the ground in silence. The only sound I hear is my own heavy breath and the trees rustling until I hear someone shoes crinkle the leaves behind me

“Y/n? Oh my god there you are” Semi says hugging me from behind tighty

“I’m so so sorry I knew you didn’t want to go to this stupid party and I made you anyways I promise I won’t ever do something like this again. We can study for the stupid test all you want tomorrow I swear” Semi says putting his head on my shoulders

“I…I’ll think about it right now I jus wanna sit down” I say drowsy and over stimulated

————————————————-

2011 second year of high school

————————————————-

“Oh my god this band is amazing”

“I know”Semi says

We’re just speeding (within the speed limit)

To who knows where with the windows rolled down and playing music

We’d be blasting it but we don’t want to get in trouble

————————————————

2013 third year

————————————————

Semi and I gulp as we walk into math

Despite Shiratorizawa being known for its smart students it has some duds and Semi and I are apart of those duds

But jus because we sometimes cheat and fail a few assignments doesn’t mean we’re not smart

“And begin” the teacher says and we all flip over our papers

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2016 third year of college

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“I can’t believe I’m fucking graduating this year” I say feeling overwhelming

“It’s going to be okay I promise” Semi says holding me as we lay on my bed

“I don’t know how you just saying everything going to be okay makes me feel a little better” I say smiling up at him

“It’s because my love so powerful it mops the floor with depression”Semi says and I snicker

“I love the way you make me feel” I say hugging him

“And I love you” Semi says kissing my forehead

————————————————

2015 second year of college

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“God now my manager on my ass about selling tickets because our last show was smaller than the one before but like seriously we’ve been doing good I don’t know what she’s on!” Semi says pouring himself another shot

I hate seeming him like this

“Semi it’s going to be okay. Look on the bright side atleast you have a stage to perform on, I have to play to you and myself in my dorm room alone” I say chuckling a bit at the end

He stares at me

“Yeah Whatever” he says and I frown

————————————————

2015 first year of college

————————————————

As Semi and his band start to play the crowd goes wild usually I just sing along to the lyrics but I’m feeling tispy and am louder than I usually would be

“IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN” I scream and Semi looks at me and bust out laughing seemingly playing better than before

I’m gonna have to scream more often at his concerts

————————————————

Part 2?

Fun fact you and Semi started dating towards the end of your first year of college

#haikyuu masterlist #haikyuu x reader #haikyu fluff #haikyu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu semi #semi x reader

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tacticalhimbo · 3 months

Text

REMEMBERING PULSE NIGHTCLUB - COMMUNITY COALITION AGAINST ONEPULSE

The only prominent post going around about the Pulse Nightclub shooting in 2016 is my own, and is unfortunately cursed to the fate of receiving reblogs of an inaccurate version. So, 8 years later, I'm doing the right thing and making a new post to properly honor the victims and their families.

May these beautiful souls rest in peace, and may we never forget their names (not in picture order, afaik):

Stanley Almodovar III, 23

Amanda Alvear, 25

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26

Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21

Martin Benitez Torres, 33

Antonio D Brown, 30

Darryl R Burt II, 29

Jonathan A Camuy Vega, 24

Angel L Candelario-Padro, 28

Simon A Carrillo Fernandez, 31

Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25

Luis D Conde, 39

Cory J Connell, 21

Tevin E Crosby, 25

Franky J Dejesus Velazquez, 50

Deonka D Drayton, 32

Mercedes M Flores, 26

Peter O Gonzalez-Cruz, 22

Juan R Guerrero, 22

Paul T Henry, 41

Frank Hernandez, 27

Miguel A Honorato, 30

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40

Jason B Josaphat, 19

Eddie J Justice, 30

Anthony L Laureano Disla, 25

Christopher A Leinonen, 32

Brenda L Marquez McCool, 49

Jean C Mendez Perez, 35

Akyra Monet Murray, 18

Kimberly Morris, 37

Jean C Nieves Rodriguez, 27

Luis O Ocasio-Capo, 20

Geraldo A Ortiz-Jimenez, 25

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32

Enrique L Rios Jr, 25

Juan P Rivera Velazquez, 37

Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24

Christopher J Sanfeliz, 24

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25

Edward Sotomayor Jr, 34

Shane E Tomlinson, 33

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25

Luis S Vielma, 22

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37

Jerald A Wright, 31

Will it gain the traction it needs? Probably not. But I'm not as... distant, about today, as I have been over the years. Because let's face it... This hits close to home for me. I said this in my original posting, too:

As someone who lives relatively near Orlando, I remember this day so vividly and I still feel a lot of pain for the victims even five years later.

I remember biting back tears in my living room because I wasn't out of the closet, and couldn't let my family know just how much this hurt me. I remember breaking down that night while scrolling the headlines, watching as the number of fatalities kept climbing. I remember staring at the button on Facebook asking me if I was safe.

And to this day, even with those involved and responsible gone... I still do not feel safe as a queer man in this state or in this country.

More importantly, though, it's important to highlight the community impacted by it, and the way onePULSE and its founder (Barbara Poma), the city of Orlando, and the State of Florida have exploited and continue to exploit the deaths of these individuals.

Information from here on out will be taken from the Community Coalition Agaisnt a Pulse Museum's official website, which can be found at the following link: [ LINK ]

The Community Coalition Against a Pulse Museum (CCAPM) is a group of surviving victims, family members of victims, activists, and scholars who have banded together to fight against the onePULSE Foundation's privatized memorial and museum complex. Our position is that money raised in the name of the mass shooting should go to the continued care of survivors. A public memorial park that does not seek to capitalize on the mass shooting in any way is the only option for a just memorial.

In addition, we seek justice for mass shooting victims by exposing the history and scope of unpermitted renovations and code violations at Pulse, which impaired the escape and rescue of shooting victims. We believe that Pulse owners Rosario Poma and Barbara Poma should be held accountable for these violations, rather than continuing to profit from a tragedy that was exacerbated by their illegal business decisions. We also want to see the City of Orlando held accountable for their continued failure to enforce the law and bring the business into compliance.

So what are the prominent issues?

WE ARE AGAINST COMMODIFYING MASS MURDER

The onePULSE Foundation has placed a gift shop feet away from where 49 people were murdered on the site of the interim memorial. We firmly renounce putting any price tag on the murder of our loved ones. The proposed museum is also slated to have a gift shop and a price of admission.

WE ARE AGAINST TURNING A PUBLIC TRAGEDY INTO PRIVATE PROFITS

Pulse nightclub owner, Barbara Poma, refused to sell the property to the City of Orlando for a public memorial. Instead, she created the onePULSE Foundation and has taken an executive salary in her self-made position as CEO. Perks have also included national recognition, celebrity, political connections, and undeserved accolades as an LGBTQ+ ally.

WE ARE AGAINST TURNING A MASS SHOOTING INTO A TOURIST ATTRACTION

The onePULSE Foundation has received a $10 MILLION tourism development tax grant from Orange County for the building of a museum. The tax application shows how the proposed memorial/museum complex has been intended to increase tourism during the off-season. The corporate Board of Trustees also reflects the local tourism industry.

WE SUPPORT INVESTING IN THE CONTINUED CARE OF SURVIVORS

Money raised in the name of the mass shooting at Pulse is going to multi-million dollar buildings rather than the continued care of the people who were directly affected. Available services and organizations have not provided adequate care to survivors and the onePULSE Foundation has not stepped in to fill any gaps; focusing instead on cultural and "educational" programs, while ignoring the ongoing needs of survivors.

WE CALL OUT A CHANGING MISSION

For years, the onePULSE Foundation raised funds for community grants for victims' families and survivors. In 2019, "community grants" were removed from the organization's mission. According to the released 2018 990s, only $1k was spent on community grants. People have donated money to the organization thinking that they were helping survivors.

WE ACKNOWLEDGE CONFLICTS OF INTEREST

onePULSE Foundation CEO Barbara Poma is currently being sued by survivors and victims' families as part of a security negligence lawsuit. This lawsuit also alleges the illegal transfer of the Pulse nightclub property which was transferred via quit claim deed in the months after the shooting to two other LLCs owned by Barbara and Rosario Poma. Funds raised by the non-profit are being invested in the Pulse property that the Poma's still own.

As of 2024, this case is still pending, with the latest service list being posted on the docket as of June 11. The case number is publicly available (2018-CA-006102-O) and is searchable via the Orange County Clerk of Courts Record Search.

WE AFFIRM A PUBLIC MEMORIAL PARK IS STILL POSSIBLE

Public memorial parks have been the overwhelming response to mass shootings around the country, including Aurora, Columbine, Las Vegas, and Newtown. Most have been built by volunteers, with no executive salaries. The OnePULSE Foundation's proposed museum attraction seeks to unnecessarily turn the shooting into a spectacle and requires merchandising the tragedy. Mass murder is not for sale!

WE CONTINUE TO EXPOSE UNPERMITTED RENOVATIONS AND CODE VIOLATIONS

Public records affirm that Pulse Nightclub was a death trap due to its unpermitted renovations and code violations. Documents show that these issues affected the both the escape and rescue of Pulse survivors on June 12, 2016. We continue to collect, document, and uncover these issues since the City of Orlando has still not released all relevant records to the public.

Survivors of the incident, as well as their families and those who have faced similar tragedy, have also signed an open letter [ LINK ] calling attention to these issues, provided documented evidence of the above claims [ LINK ], and have also been running a petition since 2019 to call attention to the matter:

Of course, it is important to note that the individuals mentioned (Barbara Poma, the Orlando City Council, etc.) are not the only ones involved in making this state an unsafe place for its queer community.

As noted in my original posting as well, the unsafe nature of this state runs through its government. The fight for our rights, our recognition, and our safety still continues. Here are some facts from the original post (dated June 12, 2021):

In June 2021, the Governor of Florida vetoed an "item-lined budget bill" - that legally provides mental health, counseling, and compensation directly towards victims of the June 2016 Pulse nightclub Orlando shooting.

While they cannot be enforced, sodomy laws still exist in Florida to this day. Every year, we are still criminalized by a technicality.

In many places, same-sex domestic partnerships are still not granted. It is only viable in approximately nine counties, thirty cities, and one town.

It took until 2016 for same-sex couples to be granted the same parental rights during in vitro fertilization and surrogacy as opposite-sex couples. Before then, the non-biological mother and father was not the child's legal parent nor guardian.

The state's "hate crime law" only accounts for sexual orientation, and does not protect victims who were attacked for their gender identity.

Anti-discrimination laws for sexual orientation and gender identity are not state-wide nor equally applicable within each county/town.

On June 1, 2021, Governor of Florida Ron DeSantis signed a bill to exclude transgender women from participating in sports designated for female students. This bill passed because of a last-minute legislative "procedural maneuver". The HRC is currently establishing a campaign to try and stop the law from going into effect (called "nullification") on midnight July 1.

Gay-panic and Trans-panic are still viable legal defenses, resulting in these abhorrent hate crimes to be decreased from murder to the lesser charge of manslaughter.

Conversion therapy against minors is not banned state-wide, and is still legal within many areas of the state. In fact, in some areas, a ban on the practice is deemed "unenforceable".

And that is just the tip of the iceberg, because if you've been active in your advocacy for the community (or at the very least, following me for a decent period of time)... Then you know just how unsafe Florida has become. You know how, even under the Biden administration, people like Governor Ron DeSantis have gone unchallenged in their writing and enforcement of vile legislation. You know how this legislation has begun creeping its way up to the top, to the federal level, and remained unchallenged the whole way up.

Here are some more "fun facts" about just how much we must fight against in the wake of this tragedy:

States like Florida have eliminated 80% of all trans adult care (SB 254), adults can be thrown in jail for using the bathroom of their gender identity (SB 1674), and trans people with correct gender markers on their drivers licenses can be charged with fraud (Florida Dept. of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles memo).

The State of Florida has had several travel advisories issued against it by local LGBTQ+ organizations (e.g., Equality Florida) and national organizations (e.g., Human Rights Campaign).

Likewise, many social media laws targeting "adult content and pornography" (HB 3) include sneaky, vague language that will very much target the existence of queer folk using the internet in this state.

More states within the United States are explicitly passing anti-trans legislation than not, and moreso now than ever [ source; dated June 4th ].

The time for relying on those above us is over. We MUST kill the plague of individualism and build community. If we don't support one another, nobody will. No amount of pinkwashing, placation, or sanitation will change that.

We are here. We are queer. We will never forget, and we cannot allow ourselves to.

#txt #tw homophobia #tw mass shooting #long post #orlando united #remembering pulse #lgbtq #lgbtq+#important #florida politics #no pulse museum #nopulsemuseum #justice for pulse #justice4pulse

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