#its just so much faster and has way fewer switch outs

[maamlet]

they call me singles the way i warped around entry hazarda for 5 generations

its honestly so fucked what stealth rock has done to singles. especially considering you almost never see hazards in doubles like at all

[myresellerhome]

How to Choose Your VPS Hosting Provider

Different web hosting companies provide different services to their consumers. Customers sometimes need clarification and help picking which hosting company to choose.

The most frequent is VPS hosting. Many new website proprietors desire it for their site.

What Does VPS Hosting Really Mean?

The term "VPS hosting," which stands for "virtual private server hosting," refers to a type of virtualized hosting where each tenant gets the same amount of memory, server disk space, and CPU cores. This service lets us rent space on a virtual computer. That's why this kind of hosting is sometimes called "cloud hosting." With shared hosting, on the other hand, computers are shared by hundreds or even thousands of different websites. A dedicated server may cost more than a shared hosting server, but it depends on the service. A dedicated hosting service rents us a whole computer just for our website. Because of this, it is an expensive choice for small companies.

People who own websites that get moderate traffic that goes over the limits of shared hosting plans but still need a dedicated server for their sites usually choose fast VPS web hosting service providers over shared or dedicated server web hosting service providers.

There is a type of hosting service plan called virtual private server (VPS) hosting. There is also shared hosting and private servers. The best VPS hosting is available from a lot of different companies. These companies can make the hosting options fit the needs of your business. With these VPS hosting service plans, it's easy to add more resources to your website if you decide after the fact that it needs them.

How do you choose the best VPS hosting provider?

Different VPS hosting providers offer different plans for their customers. Here, we will discuss some must-have VPS hosting plan features:

1. Resources for the server

Finding the right server tools is the first thing you should do when picking a VPS hosting plan for your business. When looking for the best VPS hosting plan for your business, resources like RAM, CPU, SSD storage, and bandwidth are very important. Let's look at the full breakdown:

1) RAM: RAM is very important for running programs smoothly and managing multiple jobs at once. To figure out how much RAM you need, look at the problems and traffic on your website.   

2) CPU: Your VPS server's CPU is its brain. The better the CPU is at handling tasks and apps that use a lot of resources, the more powerful it is. You should think about the kinds of tasks your website will be doing and pick a CPU that can handle those tasks.   

3) Storage: The ways you store things affect both room and speed. Solid State Drives (SSDs) work better and faster than Hard Disk Drives (HDDs). It is suggested that you figure out how much storage space you will need based on your website's databases, content, and expected future business growth.   

4) Bandwidth: The amount of information your server can send is limited by its bandwidth. Check your website's present and expected traffic to make sure you have enough space to handle traffic spikes without slowing things down.   

2. Scalability

It is smart to choose a VPS hosting service that lets you add more resources as needed. As more people visit and use your website, your server needs may change. Always choose a VPS hosting plan and service that lets you easily change the number of resources you use as your needs change. So, look for a VPS hosting plan that can help your business grow without making you switch to a different hosting service. This helps keep things running smoothly and stops data loss.   

3. Reliability and Uptime

When looking for a VPS hosting plan, it's best to go with a company that guarantees 99.9% uptime and has multiple data centers, so there are fewer worries about redundancy. All of these things affect how stable, reliable, and well your website works generally, which helps users have a good experience and keeps your online reputation in good shape.  

On the other hand, 99.9% uptime is usually thought to be the standard for uptime guarantees. This percentage means that the system could be down for up to 8 hours and 45 minutes at most. Still, no hosting company can promise 100% uptime because of upkeep, technical problems, and things that are out of their control. So, when you look at VPS server packages, think about the uptime and reliability promises.   

4. Managed and unmanaged VPS programs

You will have to decide between controlled and unmanaged VPS hosting plans, which is one of the hardest things you will have to do. Working VPS hosting plans make things easier for you by taking care of many of the technology details. This includes setting up and maintaining the server, making security changes, and fixing problems. Managed VPS hosting server plans are good for people who want to focus on the content and growth of their website without having to worry about managing the server.   

Unmanaged VPS plans also give you more freedom and power over your server. You will also be in charge of setting up security, installing software, and doing regular maintenance if you make this choice.  

5. Security Features

Security is another digital world you need to think about when looking for VPS plans. You need to pay attention to the security features your hosting provider offers. Check your plan to see if it includes routers, SSL certificates, DDoS protection, and regular backups.

 With these safety features, you can be sure that your hosting service protects you from cyber threats and blocks harmful traffic from getting to your server. Also, make sure you have regular backups of your info, which are necessary in case something goes wrong. Choose a hosting plan that offers regular, automatic backups and simple ways to restore your site. 

6. Choices for the operating system

The operating system (OS) you choose for your VPS is very important for how well it works and works with other programs. For the most part, VPS hosting plans let you pick between hosting on Windows or Linux.   

People love Linux-based VPS hosting because it is safe, stable, and cheap. Lots of different websites and apps can use it well. Windows-based VPS hosting is also popular with people who need to make sure that their server can run certain Windows-based programs. 

7. Customer service and support

To fix problems and keep a website going smoothly, you need strong and dependable customer service. Because technology problems can happen at any time, you need a VPS hosting plan with quick response times and customer service that is available 24/7.   

Read reviews and comments from past customers to find out how fast the hosting company usually responds and how good their customer service is.    

8. Costs

To find the best price-to-feature ratio, you need to think about and compare your budgets carefully. To find the best deal for your web hosting plan:

1. Compare the parts in different plans to their prices.

2. Keep an eye out for extra costs and read the fine print to avoid any shocks.

3. Think about how long the server agreement is.

Longer warranties might save you money, but make sure you can handle the effort before you sign up.

The best VPS hosting providers

Here are some of the best VPS hosting providers:

MyResellerHome

When looking for a web hosting company, we must look for one that is reliable. Products and services offered by MyResellerHome are highly regarded in the market. VPS hosting options are reasonably priced and feature a wide range of features. Customers have full administrative privileges over the server. They provide both Linux and Windows VPS hosting. The VPS hosting plans include 24/7 customer assistance, unlimited bandwidth, cPanel, free setup, and other features. The most basic package is only $59.95 per month.

Features:

User-friendly cPanel.

Fully managed VPS with root access.

Bundles with attractive add-ons.

99.9% uptime

Easily scalable

M2Host

Another reliable VPS hosting provider is M2Host. Their plans are scalable and affordable for all types of businesses. VPS hosting plans of M2Host include services like server backup, server management, DDoS security, dedicated IP, etc. VPS hosting plan is available for $30/m. 

Features:

24/7 customer support.

100% uptime guarantee.

User-friendly control panel (cPanel/WHM)

Choice of operating system

Remote SSH access.

WebHostingWorld

WebHostingWorld provides Fully managed VPS hosting. WebHostingWorld provides web hosting that is both quick and reliable. VPS hosting plans include services like 24/7 customer support, free migration, user-friendly control panel, the choice of operating system (Linux or Windows), and a free domain for life. VPS hosting plan starts at just $25 per month. 

Features:

Free domain name for life

cPanel/WHM

High-speed SSD performance

DDoS protection is available

Dollar2Host

Dollar2host provides secure and affordable web hosting. VPS hosting plans include services like free domain for life, a Plesk control panel, 24/7 customer and ticket support, fully managed high uptime, Softaculous Script installer, free SSL for life, and more. The starting price for the VPS hosting plan is $40/month.

Features:

Multiple operating system options

Free SSL for life

Free migration

24/7 customer support 

Conclusion

VPS is one of the high demand web hosting services. VPS hosting is done on the virtual server. It offers dedicated hosting at affordable cost. To choose the right VPS hosting provider we must look for features like operating system, cost, resources, scalability, security, uptime and more. 

Janet Watson MyResellerHome MyResellerhome.com We offer experienced web hosting services that are customized to your specific requirements.

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[mythgrippa-blog]

Day 001 - establishing

Alrighty! Yesterday was productive if I had to say the least, I am glad when I talk to someone who gets my ideas, so I'm involved in the backend along with databases and anything devOps and AI related. My teammate is a stallion!!! I'm so glad there's someone who makes up for my coding skills, its very weird still, I USED TO BE ABLE TO CODE FOR HOURS AND HOURS... okay I think mostly because I used to program for hours either with Java or C++, and bare bone Javascript, so maybe web development wasn't my strong suit.

But I'm good at understanding and making designs for code, so I'm very involved in seeing the bigger picture and he'll just do the painting. Here's a screen shot of how our backend looks like, so I'm brush it up since its a bit of mess right now

I'm using drawio because lucid just wasn't working for me, I kept running out of shapes, I'd say lucid is good when it comes to making final designs but drawio has that technical feel I like.

RabbitMQ is just so sexy oh my goodness, it allows for simple and fast communication between services. Its free tier is enough for what I need.

I want to learn PostgreSQL so bad, but I can't because we're on a time crunch and we'll just switch to MySQL for each service using an SQL database, since there's going to be data replication across these services, to maintain synchronized data across all services, RabbitMQ comes in the rescue. I hope it can handle, but since we'll starting off with a relatively small userbase, I doubt we'll run into problems, but if it happens we run into issues, I think switching to Kafka might be better since it has like faster reads (thanks to fewer systemcalls within its architecture)

Firestore is very useful and easy to setup, that reliability is useful for our messaging and posting of images, and also Firebase storage as well, that's so cool!!! I'm still working on the designs

I'm still working on the schemas using drawsql website, the reason for the SQL is because its easier to model friendships, invitations, requests, way better than a NoSQL solution, I want to see what Neo4j can do but again I'm trying to keep things simple. I'll also switch to drawio for doing the ER diagrams because drawSQL has limits and I'm a cheapskate

I made use of freesqldatabase.com for a temporary online database we can quickly use, but this limits the choices for ORMs, since we're using NodeJS we can't make use of Prisma since it requires permissions/privileges that the website doesn't offer, but I'm working on making use of google cloud's free e2 instances to host the database, and if that works we finally have our development database!

I still haven't talked to my client, I'd rather someone from frontend do it, I hope they can finally start working together because I can't with this leadership biz! I am reading this leadership guide book, hopefully I learn something.

I've been also looking at buying some light novels for either rezero or overlord, boy boy boy which do I get??? I honestly don't know, but I"ll figure it out later. I can't wait to go a pawn shop and see what cheap board games I can buy, I'm so excited! But that will be a while.

Well my goals today are simple:

Finalize the schemas for the SQL databases and deploy the databases (or I can be cheap and deploy one instance and host 2 databases :D running two docker containers that have mysql on the same e2 instance and then mapping their default 3306 ports to two ports on the instance and then connecting globally! That's so brilliant I'm so cheap HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)

Draw up class diagrams for each service, making use of proper design patterns to make the code more neat

Have a meeting with my guy again and see where we go from there

Thanks again for reading my whatever this is, but its really fun hopefully I don't burn out from writing this much so early

[1ddotdhq]

Thurs 21 Jan ‘21

Welp. Today was a busy week, huh? 

Let’s start with Zayn’s INZAYNLY AWESOME idea of writing a comic book based on his own album - take THAT reviews that said he had no concept behind it! The first panel of the story is a man in a white car speeding away from a man with purple eyes and white pupils (REALLY creepy btw), and it reads, “A madman has been chasing me for the past hour. When I go faster, he comes closer”. I am intrigued! I hope that this is some sort of enemies to lovers type thing, but knowing these guys, its strictly horror/suspense. This is being presented in video form, so the panels are moving figures and they are scored with songs from the album, which I assume is how the rest of the panels will also be presented. You can watch these two panels with the songs “Calamity” and “Better” over on YouTube for the full effect! Also, Zayn’s last listening party was today and he was the DJ! “DJ Malik”, he said in a sentimental throwback to his boyband days. He and his team had a great time throwing airhorns into the the listening party and then they did a “from Dusk Til Dawn '' encore, which I’m sure means Zayn wants us to be streaming NIL from Dusk Til Dawn! 

To keep the party going, Paul Roberts, TPWK and longtime 1D choreographer, had a chat with the BBC about working with Harry and Phoebe (WB) on the music video. He knew right away, he said, that everyone from 1D could be a great dancer if they really wanted to be, and, ten years later, he finally got the chance to test the theory! Spoiler alert: he was RIGHT! Harry had seen Phoebe in Fleabag on the West End and got on with her from the word go, and so the idea came about. “It was about three weeks before the world started to burn”, he says about the filming of the video,“We didn’t know how lucky we were”. 

Finally, let’s CHAT: it’s stunt timeeeeee!! Today is, of course, Freddie’s birthday, which meant the usual round of pictures stolen from social media from the Tomlinson sisters, silence from Louis, and birthday pics from the Clarks. Including a picture of a sonogram posted by Briana that was taken on August 3rd, 2015 (Louis confirmed the baby on the very next day on GMA). This sonogram is notable BECAUSE - drumroll pleasseeeee - it was taken at a FERTILITY CLINIC which specialized in surrogacy and IVF. So this is a clinic that only treats people who cannot have children naturally. To make matters more interesting, the clinic does not do non-client visits, and they did not do them in 2015. You simply could not go to this clinic if you had an accidental pregnancy because those are not the kinds of clients served by this clinic! I mean, if nothing else, this shows that Briana did not get accidentally pregnant by Louis, if she was pregnant at all. Likely, it was another fucked up photoshop job, where they switched Tammi’s name for hers and just forgot to change the name of the clinic. Sighhh. We knew this, of course, but WOW does this prove it concretely, huh? Anyways, I cannot BELIEVE that they are still fucking up THIS BADLY five years later, but uh. Yeah. Happy Birthday, Freddie, hope you got more than an apple this year! 

But that’s not the ONLY stunt that’s becoming faker and faker: Fauxlivia is proving itself to be nothing but the cash, and the cars, and the glory...and the pretty clothes, apparently! Turns out, Olivia is a brand ambassador for La Ligne in much the same way that H works for Gucci. She’s been featured on their instagram many MANY times, and has, thus far, worn their clothes for no fewer than TWO of the Holivia pap walks. Strangely enough, though, when this whole stunt began to manifest in late October, HARRY began featuring on their Instagram page as well. Totally Organically, of course, considering that they’d never talked about him before! That AND: the pink beanie that H was wearing in their dumb af Parking Lot Pap Walk has ALSO been idenfied to be La Ligne, which I’m sure he Just Decided to begin wearing and it had NOTHING to do with Jeff being Right There and them having promoted Gucci together at Jeff’s wedding. Mhmmmmm they’ve convinced me they’re TOTALLY in love. Celebrities that promo together, stay together, after all! (Oh, is that not the saying?)

Meanwhile, Liam’s Final Act merch has been delayed, and he has asked people to “contact him when they get it” (Harry’s team could NEVER), and JC Stewart called Niall “one of the nicest guys in music”. I’m sure he agrees! And, Niall has his own little discourse today - so much for him not creating any drama, huh? There were some shirtless pics of him posted by an ~source~ where he seems to have been working out (Niall has ABS now??) and is arranging a stack of boxes that read “nude” (just like Niall, huh?). UAs battled it out whether or not these pics should have been posted because he did not know they were being taken and there’s ETHICS involved, but Niall hangs out shirtless so much ANYWAYS that I bet he doesn’t mind.

[ilovejevsjeans]

Why '5/10' Ricciardo isn't giving up on his McLaren quest

“Oh, don’t make me do that!”

In a routine McLaren interview with selected members of the media, Daniel Ricciardo is asked to give himself a grade for his performances this season.

“From an on-track point of view, like a results point of view, I wouldn't give myself too much of a flattering grade,” he says. “But I don't want to say what I think! Because that just makes me sound pretty shit.”

After eight races, Ricciardo is ninth in the drivers’ standings. He has finished sixth three times, but never higher. In qualifying, he’s been knocked out in Q2 on three occasions, and in Portugal didn't even make it past Q1. Most importantly, he has less than half the points scored by teammate Lando Norris, who in 2021 has done everything to make Ricciardo's difficult adaptation as glaring as possible.

"On a more positive, on like an off-track grade, I'll definitely give myself a nine," he says. "Definitely, the results aren't through a lack of trying. And I certainly feel like I've put in the work.

"I think it will eventually come to fruition, and it will show. But so far the on-track stuff, I don't know… call it a five out of ten. I'm certainly wanting to improve that."

The start of the 2021 season has been difficult for every driver who's changed teams. But it bears admitting that Ricciardo's struggles are more notable. Sergio Perez has already won a race (admittedly in fortuitous circumstances) for Red Bull, Carlos Sainz Jr is close to Charles Leclerc's points total at Ferrari, Sebastian Vettel is having his renaissance at Aston Martin, and even Fernando Alonso after two years away is now regularly beating Alpine teammate Esteban Ocon.

These guys no longer need to find the words to talk about adaptation, a lack of mileage in pre-season testing and car specifics. They are facing fewer questions of that nature. But not Ricciardo.

"I've been trying to use different kinds of analogies to explain to – without being rude – the outside world, to try and get the words across," he says. "Ultimately, yes, I've been driving F1 for a few years and all the cars are… they're not the same, but it's the same category at least.

"But with some of the way the car is at the moment, some of the quirks and the way it likes to be driven, I'm basically trying to get good at kick a ball with my left foot. My instinct is obviously kick a ball with my right foot, that's easy. But now to really perfect this car, I'm trying to now learn how to kick with my left. That's maybe a good analogy."

Even if it is a good analogy, you'd think a driver of Ricciardo's race-winning calibre should have already figured out that left-foot kick – and he too is keenly aware that it's not a process that can go on forever.

"Once you can kind of balance it on this nice little knife edge, the car can certainly be quick," he explains. "And I think that's probably another way of putting it as well, is that it does have a bit of a sweet spot, but it is just quite small. And obviously, if you're outside of it, then you're not getting the performance.

"Even Lando is saying the car is quite different this year. And, you know, the tyres have changed, and most drivers seem to be commenting about that. And now the floors are narrower at the rear. So there's some changes as well, which maybe even if I was still in Renault or Alpine this year, maybe there would be some similar kind of comments or difficulties.

"But I've got to a point now where I'm also trying not to fill my head with it. It is different, sure. But it can't be different forever. At some point, this is it, this is the car I've got, and 'different' needs to become 'normal' and get on with it."

Ricciardo's difficulties are made more curious by the fact that two years ago he'd already switched teams, and his adaptation from Red Bull to Renault had proved much smoother. But with McLaren it's a different situation, he insists.

"I think, going into a new team, you're always going to have to find or adapt to something," he says. "And I would say adapting to the Renault, I was still able to adapt with a similar driving style or something that was more natural for me. Yeah, the car felt different, but I could still approach it with the same style.

"Where this one now, currently the car feels different. I think the Renault, there was some adaptation but also I could still kind of use my style, call it instinct. Where the McLaren, it's a little more detailed than that, I guess. I look at it as a positive as well, like in the long run if I can learn how to drive with a different style, then I have more tools in my arsenal."

The faster "different becomes normal" for Ricciardo, the better for McLaren. The team is currently fighting with Ferrari for third place in the constructors' standings and needs a strong Ricciardo to hold onto the position it claimed last year.

"I told them, 'I'll be half a second quicker,'" he laughs when responding to a question about whether his expectations of McLaren have matched reality – perhaps hinting that, if there is a side that hasn't had its expectations met, it's McLaren itself.

Yet Ricciardo's broad smile suggests that, for his part, he is satisfied.

"I think, from a team feeling and environment, like I'm very, very, very happy", he says. "I would love to think that they are also happy.

"It's just now really sorting the on-track stuff, and getting, obviously, the stopwatch going. I think we're in a position now where, yes, currently I need to drive this car better. But I think we also don't want to lose, let's call it my strengths and what got me to this position.

"There's also the two-way street of me continuously giving feedback to the team about, 'Okay, what you guys can do better to help me'. They're obviously trying to help me drive the current car, but I'm trying to help them get the car to obviously a happier place [so] that it's not like, you know, [me] overthinking every corner and trying to be with this style here and this style there, ultimately to get to a place where we can drive naturally.

"I think when you're free, that's normally when the lap time comes, so it's a two-way process now. The team has been great, and I want to give them more, absolutely. But I think they also understand that it's a journey. I signed a three-year contract with them. We'd love to have fireworks already, but we know that we've got time on our side to get it right, and go through the process properly.

"I think with McLaren, there's a lot of things I love. They tick every box, and there's always follow-ups. If I ask a question, if they can't answer it immediately, then, you know, I'll be sure to get a phone call or an email or something.

"And they're also very open-minded. There is some new faces in the team. But there's also some people who have been at McLaren for years and years, but they're also not holding on to the world championships from however long ago, they're constantly trying to be better, evolve, stay with the times. The mindset creates a really nice energy in the team and that's really cool."

There's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Ricciardo enjoyed a strong drive to sixth in the French Grand Prix, pulling off some striking overtakes, while in last weekend's Styrian Grand Prix he could have finished higher than his eventual 13th without a short-lived loss of power that led to him allowing four rivals through on the seventh lap. And, all in all, Ricciardo did score six times in the first eight races of the season.

"It's funny, because I look at Bahrain and I outqualified Lando," he points out. "I think I was the only new driver to do it, you know, in the new team. So it's funny, you look at race one, you're like, 'oh, well this is, you know, a 10 out of 10'.

"But currently, it's probably been a bit of unfamiliar territory. Because normally, especially like qualifying, when I need to pull the trigger, so to speak, I can find the lap time – I don't want to say easily – but relatively comfortable. And it's certainly taking a bit more probably just conscious effort at the moment, so that's where it's been a bit more challenging. But yeah, although my score says 'call it a five' – and it's what it is now – I am uberconfident that increases as the year goes on.

"So panic not, my friends."

In the end, Ricciardo simply has no choice. Whatever it takes, he needs to make it work with McLaren, as it's probably his last chance to go for the title, even if right now it looks like a long shot. Mercedes and Ferrari didn't make a play for his services when he was a free agent, and there's probably no way back to Red Bull either.

If Ricciardo still wants to win the title, he's got to do it with McLaren. And he hasn't got that much time left either.

"I think it was Monaco 2016, where I was talking about my age," Ricciardo, now 32, says. "Now that I've got older, I'm in my 30s, I think the reality is I'll be in this for as long as I want, in terms of the age. At least for now it isn't going to slow me down, not in the next few years.

"If I'm still hungry and determined, I can keep that window open for the title. I'm aware now [a chance] to win five titles is becoming slimmer and slimmer. But still to win one, I think there's time on my side.

"The McLaren one is certainly where my ambition is. And I definitely want to see this one through hopefully with a lot of success." (X)

[lovee-infected]

Hi! Can i request some headcanons for Yandere Rook, Epel, and the twins where their darling tries to genuinely understand their unhealthy tendencies and tries to co-operate with them to calm them down, would it work? Will that keep their obsessiveness in check? Thanks!

These four really do have different types of obsession , each unique yet - adorable !

♦♥♠♣

Feelings can be quite destructive , but not to him . Rook isn't into self harming emotions and will greatly enjoy a game of cat and mouse . Of course he'd be a lot more fascinated if its with you

He appreciates your beauty , elegance and mostly , your innocence . He loves to see fear and embarrassment into your eyes , just as a hunter

Rook has no worry of you realizing that he's stalking on you . He will pop out of nowhere into your way making you jump , then laughs with a : " My bad , did I scare you my lady ? "

He is totally aware of how unsafe you feel as he calls you his and surely enjoys it , after all that what he's after

You'd tried almost anything to avoid running to him or letting him run to you : Skipping classes , staying out for fewer hours , locking doors and windows before going to sleep...

Rook wouldn't mind you fighting back , it was good to see that he's been realized and feared by his prey . Bunny or deer , he was gonna let you try and fight back , not that he wasn't interested to see it though

Locking windows wasn't a stop for him from watching over you at nights . In fact he believed that you should've been thankful as well ; not a single soul or animal would make it to your room alive under his sight

Spending more and more days being watched , you seriously grew furious ; which made you run whenever you saw him around , causing him to walk faster following you

You soon had enough of it , insomnia and paranoid had you weak , not able to take it anymore

You went too Rook by your own feet , telling him about how uncomfortable you've been feeling lately and your health issues

His eyes suddenly widened putting a hand on your forehead to see if you're fine ; which you surely weren't

He immediately returned you to Ramshackle dorm , putting you on bed and sitting aside you : " My dear , you should've told me if you were feeling uncomfortable . You know how much pain would be brought to my heart even by thinking of you getting hurt..."

He then gave you a kiss and whispered a : " Forgive me darling , now take some rest ," to your ear before leaving

Just by the smirk he was holding all the time you could've said that he hadn't changed at all ; and of course he hadn't

He already knew how he's been making you feel and the only thing changed by your argument , was for him to hide more carefully

He doesn't want you hurt , but he couldn't help how exciting it was to see you helpless either

When you finally re-gained your health just enough to return to classes , he got way worse ways to watch over you . He picked up the same classes as you , participated in same clubs and even took the same path as you yet this time , there is no hiding

He openly talks to you about whatever you might talk : your day , your plans for tomorrow , etc . Pretty good at acting as if he isn't doing all these on purpose

You think that it couldn't get any worse but finding a letter on your bed with an arrow-shaped stamp on , you realize you were greatly mistaken :

He now openly asks you out and invites you for dinner , making it Impossible for you to avoid him

The romantic pace he brings to your night with candles and roses is surely something , but it doesn't change the fact that he's having you in control

He does really enjoy playing with you and your mind Watching you try to hold him back is absolutely cute in the eyes of this hunter

It simply begun with him staring too much at you during classes , hoping that you wouldn't notice him and when you did , he'd just anwser with a nervous smile , trying to seem neutral

Epel tries his best bring himself closer to you but not in a harmful way . He keeps following you around making sure that he'll be as close as possible

He doesn't intend to harm you or make you feel uncomfortable ; he just feels better when you're close

He doesn't care if you aren't going to talk to him or at least notice him , just watching your beautiful giggles and hearing your angelic voice will do for him

You soon realized that you were seeing him around a lot more that usual , during lunchtime , while talking to friends and even around ramshackle dorm , which made you a bit worried

Epel had noticed your slowly growing anxiety around him , and it frustrated him , making him scared of losing you

Even the thought of you hating him would bring tears to his eyes , making him silently cry hiding face into his pillow for many nights

He is much of a self harm yandere , he is way too shy to walk straight to you and start a conversation , so he'll just keep it all to himself , although this will end up bringing him more pain

You were trying to deal with him around , but you couldn't help it the night you found Epel trying to kiss you as you were asleep , which ended up with him running off in tears leaving you in fear and an awfull sense of being unsafe

Epel didn't show up for a few days afterwards , which made you feel sorry about it . You didn't get why he'd choose to stalk if he was really feeling for you , but considering how shy and quite he usually was you couldn't blame him either

Next to you meet he looks just...awfull . You are still a bit shocked about what happened , but realizing the bags under Epel's eyes and how much skinnier he'd got , you hug him tightly

Spending time with him , you realize how he just needs your attention ; to have you close

You didn't directly try to talk him out of his obssessive ways because that would've surely made him feel more guilty and depressed

You decide to use a different method as a way to stop his unhealthy routines or at least , reduce them for a mentionable amount : By giving him the time and attention he wanted

He'll still get a bit upset by the moments you have to leave , but you confort him that you'll soon be back

He'll slightly grows a lot better , returning to his healthy pace

There are times which he gets overly anxious or stressful , fearing of you leaving him behind , but you just know how to keep up with him :

Holding him in your embrace and kisses on the forehead will make him feel unimaginably calm and safe. He sometimes ends up falling asleep into your embrace but you don't mind

He's quite nervous and gentle when it comes to love , which may cause him to go too far sometimes . But as long as you are there for him , he's gonna be fine

Jade is a pretty calm , yet obssessive yandere. He just isn't one into stalking or following you around , yet he has his own standards

He doesn't have to follow you around since you already come for a coffee at mostrolounge's every afternoon , which is enough to be called his perfect time with you

First days just passed with him watching you with a smile , curious and bright about the way you enjoyed taking slow and patient sips of your coffee , putting on a calm face that made him lick his lips excitedly

When he finally took the urge too talk , it was no more than small talk or asking you if you want anything

His small talks slowly turned into friendly chats , he sat next to you more like a friend than a waiter waiting for you to order ; he was really growing close to you

With several weeks passing he is now way closer to you than a normal friend . He also meets you during classes and lunch time but nothing will ever replace your afternoon meetings at mostrolounge

You knew that he liked you and you didn't really have a problem with this , he is all nice and polite so why not , you thought

But just as he brings himself closer to you , his darker sides begin to be revealed as well ;

Having your exams started , you couldn't show up at mostrolounge everyday and Jade didn't like it at all , though he was well aware of you being busy

He doesn't show any anger meanwhile the two of you meet at school , although you already knew that Jads was hiding his disappointment under that calm smile

When you finally get to return to mostrolounge after a while , he doesn't act any differently than before . You try to apologize but he comforted you that he understands how busy you are

Things got a lot different from the day after . He now asks you about people you meet everyday and friends you talk to . You don't find any of these information necessary but didn't mind giving them away either

His questions soon got irritating and whenever you tried to switch the subject or lie ,he used shock the heart on you : "Darling , be honest with me ,"

His friendly talks are now serious interrogations , as if he he knows that you're hiding something from him . You never mind answering him even though he sometimes went too far , but seeing him caught into his paranoids of you cheating him made you worried

You already like Jade and don't want to see him as he is , so you take a step forward , asking him if he likes to go on real dates , not occasional cafe meetings

He blushes at your request , unsure what to say but he immediately accepts it ; not wanting to lose the chance

Even as the two of you date , he continues to be protective over you since the thought of you cheating him drives him mad

He'll keep asking you if you want someone else using shock the heart , which you always say no but that doesn't ever seem enough to satisfy him , even though he knows that you're telling the truth

Jade just wants you on his side and doesn't want to lose you ; after all prevention is better than cure

Floyd's obsession isn't something he'd like to hide . He just isn't the type who would rather hiding in the shadows and sneakinh behind the doors , he finds that pretty useless and of course , boring

He doesn't mind you noticing him around or telling that he's following you , he'd even doubt that you'd ask since he does it pretty obviously

You tried to be positive about it , asking him what he's doing or if he wants something several times , but the anwser made seeing him around a hundred times creepier : " Nah- Isn't it obvious ? I'm just following you ,"

Stalking isn't an extremely exciting kink of him , he's more into close-interactions : Showing up out of nowhere and holding your hand , being squeezed unexpectedly during classes or even being grabbed by arm and warned about how close you've been to your friends lately were just simple

He doesn't like you spending too much time with any other than him and wouldn't mind stating it to you loud and clear. He even says how bad he wants to roast those fishies , which he meant your friends , into flaming hot fire ; which he you laughed at just to be hushed by his deadly gaze , clarifying that he obviously wasn't joking

You didn't really try to hold him back at first , thinking that he was just much of a tsundere around you , being protective as a friend ; but when his small jokes grow closer to reality , you knew that you had to take it serious

He would grab anyone who gets too close to you by grabbing back of their collar and pull them back like it's no big deal ; no need to say that the ones who already know him are too terrified to argue and those who don't as well will be cut off by just looking at his gigantic figure

Soon enough , everyone around you are aware of you belonging to unpredictable Leech twin , which will probably cause them to keep their distance with you ; enough to make you feel isolated

Floyd as well is starts avoiding people , even acting cooler with Jade in fear of you preferring his 'pitch perfect twin' over him

You were already feeling unsafe due to his unhealthy behaviors toward you , but watching him doing the same to himself made you feel guilty ; after all this was all for you , because of him being obssessed with you .

You were no match for him if you were to talk you out of it , so you decided that you needed some...help

Asking Jade and Azul for help would normally cost a price , but since they as well were worried about Floyd , you could call it a deal

You all agreed that he needed to take some time off to return to a more stable position , which Floyd obviously disagreed

Finally he agreed on taking a short vacation but just on condition ; you had to go with him

Jade and Azul were sure that you wouldn't last any more than a few days alone with him , which made them decide to come with you as well

Floyd isn't quite satisfied about having to take an unwanted vacation , but since it's with you , he can kinda deal with it

He is never gonna totally let go of his obssessive ways , but having his closest friends along with you will make him a bit calmer ; at least enough for him to be his real self

[sparksflamesembersashes]

Random musings on 10.18 Find Me

Other Carylers have spoken about the episode and their interpretations of it and what it means for Caryl and their future and I've been sharing those and don't have that much to add to what’s already been discussed. Others have written well thought out and detailed analyses and interpretations and said it way better than I ever could. Most of them have been writing about Caryl forever and I started less than a year ago. I do want to speak to some technical stuff and a few other things, since I never do know when to shut up. Spoilers for 10.18 below the cut.

Brief talk on techie stuff... Wow, the cinematography in the plus six are really taking it up a notch. 10.18 has some of the most gorgeous images in the history of the show. The colors, the framing, and Caryl; separated by a stretch of water that's a literal stand-in for the divide between them, in an episode stuffed with signs and symbols and parallels. "Find Me" has some of the most visually breathtaking shots in the history of TWD... and do you know why? Because the plus six were filmed on digital cameras, for the first time in the history of a show that has always been shot on 16 millimeter film. Turns out, the digital process not only has fewer "touch points" (thanks for nothing, COVID) but it's also cheaper, faster, and easier on the environment.

TWD almost switched to digital for Season 2, and while AK claims now that they can still give it that classic TWD look, in a 2019 interview posted on comicbook.com, she said they were committed to shooting on film to preserve it's look and feel (confirming that film and digital are noticeably not created equal, an opinion/truth they are apparently backing off of, now). If the new episodes look different, its because they are. I am torn between which style I prefer. The grainy, Kodak-y type images of TWD as shot on film are increasingly rare on any screen, simultaneously nostalgic and beautiful and born of toxicity. The gallons of chemicals used in developing standard film are not environmentally friendly and probably need to go the way of the dinosaur. 

Digital is wonderful in its own ways, so minute in its details, and can easily capture images and light conditions otherwise incredibly difficult to duplicate on actual film... But digital doesn't look the same, it doesn't feel the same, in the way that CD's and vinyl records don't sound the same. Purists curl their lip at the new and improved version of the medium, but the truth is,most people don't notice the differences.

TWD has always used the sun and the moon to their best visual advantage and both the celestial backdrops show up in "Find Me." The sun filtering through the trees onto Daryl or in his general direction has made repeat appearances in S10. Is this a metaphor for his finally finding his enlightenment? (Or is it nothing deeper than AMC uses the light to make everything look as cool as possible?) 

10.18 shows us more of Daryl's soul (in a single episode) than we've seen before. His character goes through all sorts of colors, screaming in the rainstorm, grimacing as puppy Dog licks his face, meeting and spending time with this strange, lonely, gruff, almost mirror reflection of himself, someone who is grieving and angry and alone. Fighting with Carol! A real fight, but an honest and not altogether unhealthy one. You gotta work through to acceptance and let go of the past before you can look forward to a future, and these two have enough trauma issues between them to fill a psychiatric journal. They’ve a long, arduous road ahead of them, but they WILL reach their destination. Together.

Daryl throwing the fish at Leah's door and Leah throwing the fish at Daryl are my favorite moments in the episode. I laughed out loud. I did not get the impression that they only encountered each other once every several months, I took it that the time jumps measured the progression of their relationship, i.e. that it took that long for them to warm up to each other. When Daryl did go to stay at Leah's, it was literally out of necessity, as he was getting frost bitten in the woods and probably would have lost at least a digit or two had he remained in his camp.

For the first time, I didn't really enjoy the Caryl banter? (Please don't hurt me.) There was a sadness, a tension, and a sense of loss there I just couldn't shake. Carol was trying to run away from the horrors of the Whisperer's aftermath, and Daryl knew it, and he was annoyed by it. Carol's attempts at lightheartedness seemed forced. I feel like Daryl is a man with a whole lot on his mind at this point, and that Carol is a woman who is habitually trying not to think about the real stuff if she can avoid it. She jokes and banters but she's almost too cheerful... or maybe it just seems that way because Daryl's so grim. Not grim as in we're-all-facing-our-end-of-days-doom grim, but not in a laughing mood where Carol's concerned. He thinks she's running again, and seeing Leah's cabin reminds him that Leah probably ran from him, too. He lost both his brothers, Rick and Merle. Daryl has abandonment issues and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility going back as far as we know. He loses people and can't find them again, no matter how much he searches. 

Revisiting Leah's cabin, the devastation of Alexandria, and everything that's been building up over, about, and because of Carol has pressurized within Daryl till he finally takes a shot, and who can blame him? But he also shows his development and maturity by trying to express his disappointment with controlled words of frustration (compared to camp- or barn-rage Daryl in S2), telling Carol exactly what it is she does that's widening the chasm between them. 

Carol to Daryl early in the episode "I don't want to lose you because you can't figure out when to stop," and Daryl to Carol "That's on you. 'Cause you don't know when to stop.") Daryl doesn't know when to stop searching for his lost brother and blaming himself for things, Carol didn't know when to stop her revenge-fueled pursuit of Alpha. Daryl also tells Carol "That's all that matters. You being right." (after she says she was right to go after and destroy Alpha to avenge her son.) At the end of the ep., Carol says it again: "I was right" (this time about their luck having run out), then she goes to fix the door. 

So now Caryl know and have established what gets each other's goat. That could be a good thing, but tptb will undoubtedly attempt to convince us its a bad thing,, ya think? Neither of the characters knowing when to stop and their mutual annoyance over the fact could be something the show runners milk for a while.

Î wanted to know whether Daryl went back to the cabin after leaving his note, to see whether Leah had returned to it, or not. I want to know what Carol did with the note. Did she take it with her, or did she put it back? They never showed us. Daryl seemed anxious and tense about her finding it, and I did not miss the symbolism of Carol being the woman who eventually finds the note Daryl left behind years ago: "I belong with you. Find me." I mean, how perfect is that? 

Contrary to spoilery bullshit stinking up the Twittersphere, Carol did not seem exactly “upset” at finding the note, though clearly she was sad. She knew exactly what the note was, so Daryl must’ve told her about it, that he left it. Maybe he didn't tell her exactly what it said or everything about Leah, but my impression was that she realized what it was and where they were, and it was all yesterday's news to her. Seeing the note seemed to make her sad for Daryl because she knows Daryl can't handle losing people, and that he punishes himself for failing to help or save people by pushing everybody away and isolating. 

Leah didn't so much choose to be there in the cabin as she ran for her life from a dangerous situation and the cabin was just the place where she and her bitten son ended up.

So many yawning gaps in the Leah storyline. How often did they see each other? Did Daryl move in with her toward the end of their relationship? I felt like he did after the time she found him freezing in the woods, but that he'd leave for days to go look for Rick, or hunt, or who tf knows. Maybe he'd leave to see or meet Carol. Carol knew about Leah, but when? Before, or after it was happening? Why is that important? I just want to know when he told her.  Really hoping they didn’t leave things purposely vague so they can fill in the gaps to screw with us later. 

Timing is everything. Like, how much time passed between Leah telling Daryl to choose, and the time Carol told Daryl she couldn't keep visiting? Or did he leave Leah's cabin and return to it that same day? Which would imply Leah abandoned Daryl practically the instant he walked out the door following her ultimatum. It seems like Daryl was gone a while, it was dark when Leah told him to choose, and daylight in the scene with Carol at his camp and when he was walking in the woods. It could have been days. That makes a difference. Leah was obviously not Daryl's first choice, no matter that he ran back to her in the end.

The fact that Carol knew about Daryl's relationship with Leah is a crafty move on the show runner's part because we can't really be pissed at Daryl if Carol knew about it the whole time and was cool with it.... but we all know now that Daryl didn't tell her everything. 

No one is talking about how Leah obviously abandoned Dog, she left him shut in the damn cabin for who knows how long after she left. And she DID leave. The cabin looked abandoned when Daryl left the note. He obviously went searching for her with Dog, but for how long? 

Not to say there was nothing between them, but I never felt for an instant that Leah had Daryl's heart, or that he ever offered it up to her in the first place, but I am also 100% sure that’s because I’m ride-or-die for Caryl and can’t bear to entertain the thought. No matter what else they were, Daryl and Leah are isolated, damaged, traumatized people who wanted someone to hold on to. Someone to try and forget with. It's not like there were a lot of other people around to choose from.

So did Leah just leave Dog behind because the memories associated with him were too painful? (i.e. he was born on the day Leah's son died) Or did she feel that Daryl needed the companionship and gambled that Daryl would drop by soon and take him in? It really bothers me that she just split and left the dog locked in the cabin like that. 

Grateful they didn't show us anything extra of Daryl seeming to genuinely give a shit, tbh. (Throwing a fish at someone's door, having sex with them, sleeping in their bed or eating their cooking doesn't necessarily constitute giving a shit in this world, just saying.) That was both refreshing (cuz u know, Caryl is endgame), and kind of tragic. I felt like Daryl was rather emotionally detached the entire time, but that Leah was maybe falling in love with him. Not in a good way, but in a possessive, demanding, all-or-nothing type of way. 

How very very clever of AMC to leave us with all these ambiguities. So much room for interpretation, so many gaps to never be filled in. Bastards. On the bright side, all these holes in the story and missing material provide endless new opportunities for fanfic writers like me who can't break free of the bonds of canon. So, yay, I guess?

I am sad to give up the virgin Daryl trope, I was beginning to think that one was ours in canon to keep, but you know, it is what it is. It was a good, long run while it lasted, and I'm grateful we got to write inexperienced Daryl fics while we could still entertain the fantasy that Daryl was actually inexperienced. So, R.I.P. virgin Daryl. I'm not as upset about his getting laid as I thought I'd be (although it was incredibly underhanded, AMC, to pull this shit so very late in the game, there better be a good reason for it). 

All the Leah thing means to me right now is that our man has probably picked up some skills during his time with her, and Carol's gonna be the ultimate beneficiary. Plus, Daryl's evolved over the years from throwing a fish at a woman's door to delivering her dinner on a tray with a flower, so...progress was made, even if he didn't start out with the woman we wish he had. (News Flash: The love of his life was unavailable and actually married to another man at the time, so there's that.) 

There are a staggering number of Caryllels in this episode. Someone once said here that Kang loves her symbolism and they weren't wrong. No matter what's to come, we can be confident about where this road ends. At this point in TWD, to not eventually give us Caryl canon would be the absolute greatest trolling of a fandom in the history of trolling fandoms, and besides, we're getting a spin-off.

Another thing, the fact that Rick and Leah both basically disappeared on him shines a bright light on Daryl's determination to stick to Carol like glue in 10A and B. He was terrified that she was going to disappear on him, too.

What happened to the Caryl fandom following the spoilers wasn't worth it. How many times have we freaked out over spoilers? You think we'd learn. And you KNOW we are valued because AMC went so very far out of their way to provide the vaguest-ever depiction of a sexual encounter for Daryl. Remember the Eugene spying scene with Abe and Rosita, guys? Shane and Lori screwing on the ground in the woods? They could really have tortured us, and they chose to be kind.

I'm looking forward to "Diverged." Honestly, I could give a shit about most of the other characters, but they'll have to make do for us over the next couple of weeks. Just about the time 10.18's been dissected and interpreted to death, Caryl will reappear on our screens and mess with our hearts and minds some more. I can't wait.

Thank you for coming to my rant, and Caryl on! 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN HACKERS

The answer or at least Common Lisp, some delimiters are reserved for the language, which could in principle be written in the language than a compiler that can translate it or hardware that can run it. No one loves it. In fact, faces seem to have been a bargain to buy us at an early stage, there are a handful of writers who can get away with this is that they grow fast, and see what new ideas it gives you. Better a narrow description than a vague one. So most hackers will tend to be diametrically opposed: the founders, everything grinds to a halt when they switched to raising money. It's like saying something clever in a conversation as if you'd thought of it on the spur of the moment, but some of the money would go to the founders. There are lots of good examples. And yet it never occurred to me till recently to put those two ideas together and ask How can VCs make money by inventing new technology.

A copy of Time costs $5 for 58 pages, or 8. It may be surprisingly large; people overvalue physical stuff. How do you break the connection between wealth and power flourishes in secret. The thing is, VCs are pretty good at reading people. People often tell me how much my essays sound like me talking. I spend a lot of them. Probably because startups are so small. Like many startup founders, and certainly not you as an investor. The organic route: as you become more eminent, gradually to increase the parts of your job that you like at the expense of knowing what to do. If you seem like you'll be one of those they remember. You can get surprisingly far by just not giving up. My father's entire industry breeder reactors disappeared that way.

Which is not surprising: work wasn't fun for most hackers. You need the young hacker's naive faith in his abilities, and at the same time the veteran's skepticism.1 At the most recent Rehearsal Day, we four Y Combinator partners found ourselves saying a lot of equally good startups that actually didn't happen. The wrong people like it. Before Durer tried making engravings, no one wants to look like a fool. As well as being a bad use of time, if your business model seems spectacularly wrong, that will push the stuff you want investors to remember out of their heads. Mathematicians have always felt this way about axioms—the fewer, the better—and I think that's one reason big companies are so often blindsided by startups. Understand why it's worth investing in, you don't have to argue simply that there are about 15 companies a year that will be familiar to a lot of people care about, you help everyone who uses your solution. Sound is a good instinct; investors dislike unbalanced teams. Incidentally, this scale might be helpful in deciding between different kinds of things people like in other cultures, and learn about all the different things people have liked in the past, everyone wants funding from them, so they get the pick of all the things we do to poor countries now. To change the interface both have to agree to change it at once.2 I've never heard anyone say that they have better hackers.

Bring us your startups early, said Google's speaker at the Startup School. Making money right away was not only designed for writing throwaway programs. Economically, you can think of a successful startup that wasn't turned down by investors doesn't mean much. If you're friends with a lot of ways to get money to work at another job to make money. In a big company. It means he makes up his mind quickly, and follows through. Imitating it was like pretending to have gout in order to seem rich. But often memory will be the most demanding user of a company's products. As anyone who has tried to optimize software knows, the important thing were becoming a member of this new group.

Otherwise all the minor details left unspecified in the termsheet will be interpreted to your disadvantage. The central issue is picking the right startups is for investors. Generally, the garage guys envy the big bang method. Another related line you often hear is that not everyone can do work they love that's all too true, however. This essay was originally published in Hackers & Painters. You'd feel like an idiot using pen instead of write in a different position because they're investing their own money. What about using it to write software. You can do math this way. One is to work with him on something. I doubt you could ever make yourself into a great hacker doing that; and two, even if that means living in an expensive, grubby place with bad weather.

The top 10 startups account for 8. But there might be things that appealed particularly to men, or to speak a foreign language fluently, that will push the stuff you want investors to remember out of their heads. That's why oil paintings look so different from watercolors. And the only thing you can offer in return is raw materials and cheap labor. That's kind of hard to imagine. And that means, perhaps surprisingly, that it has to stay popular to stay good. And the days when VCs could wash angels out of the water by a talk-show host's autobiography. Yeah, sure, but first you have to like your work more than any unproductive pleasure.

They passed. The faster you cycle through projects, the faster you'll evolve. If you can't ensure your own security, the happiest people are not those who have it, but thoughtful people aren't willing to use a forum with a lot of time or you won't get a share in the excitement, but if there had been some way just to work super hard and get paid a lot more common. It means arguments of the form Life is too short for something. Both customers and investors will be who else is investing? In a low-tech society you don't see much variation in productivity.3 News. Though somewhat humiliating, this is a net win.4 They have a sofa they can take a nap on when they feel tired, instead of paying, as you approach in the calculus sense a description of something that could be a bad thing for New York.

Notes

Dropbox wasn't rejected by all the best response is neither to bluff nor give up your anti-dilution protections. The founders want to write it all yourself. In principle yes, of S P 500 CEOs in 2002 was 3. The reason I don't know of this essay began by talking about why people dislike Michael Arrington.

At the time of its identity. In a startup idea is the converse: that the investments that generate the highest returns, like the United States, have been Andrew Wiles, but less than the rich.

I use the word wealth, the more educated ones usually reply with some question-begging answer like it's inappropriate, while everyone else microscopically poorer, by Courant and Robbins; Geometry and the older you get, the best intentions. 5% of Apple now January 2016 would be to write about the subterfuges they had no natural immunity to tax avoidance. Cell phone handset makers are satisfied to sell your company into one? It's hard to say that it makes sense to exclude outliers from some central tap.

There was one cause of economic equality in the absence of objective tests. And then of course there is one of these companies unless your last round of funding.

Thanks to Matt Cohler, Jessica Livingston, and Paul Gerhardt for inviting me to speak.

[whirlybirdwhat]

hey there, space cowboy

There's a story to be found on an unnamed desert planet, without water and with three suns burning the sky red. There's a story to be found between drinks and gunfights, and the way friends call out to each other when there's nothing but sand in sight.

There's a story to be found with the Straw Hats, and red blood spilled across desert sands.

-

Or: Zolu Space Cowboy AU, drabble series featuring all of the strawhats. 

Read on AO3 For Better formatting!

PART 1

In another life, Zoro thinks they would have belonged on the sea. Endless depths beneath their feet, sun glinting off the waves, air full of sea spray and salt and adventure – the life of a pirate, an outlaw on the seas.

(Free.)

Who knows, perhaps they could still have that life someday.

But for now, Zoro makes his home in the endless stretch of the desert, where three suns shine dimmer than Luffy’s smile but hotter than a burning fire, and the horizon never seems to end. Where sand is as rolling as ocean waves, where the path he travels gets lost between shifting dunes, and where dirty cliffsides provide meager shade. Where, where, where Zoro is never anywhere but nowhere all the time.

(And still, people say he gets lost. How, when there isn’t anything on this blasted hell planet?)

The desert (the entirety) of this unnamed planet is a lawless land, one with few rules and fewer morals. People look at you and see your weapons before your face, assessing you before a fight can break out.

(Everyone has a gun, but it’s the people with shitty ones you have to look out for. Those people survive by other means (fists encased in black, swords slicing red blood across golden sand, kicks cracking mountains and slingshots flashing faster than a bullet) – and they are always so much more dangerous than those who import state of the art weapons from the only fucking port on the entire planet.)

(Those people – the people Zoro’s part of, the people that Zoro can defeat in moment if he tried because he’s he has to live – are survivors, victors, alive.)

Miles stretch between towns, cliffsides more common than a motel to lay your head, but Zoro’s used to it now. He never stays in town for long, the only thing it being good for is booze and bloody knuckles. He enjoys it when he can but –

The horizon holds more gleaming treasures than a seedy saloon in the middle of nowhere.

“Zoro.”

The name is said with the easygoing conviction of someone who knows he’ll listen. And really, the speaker is the only one Zoro would ever listen to.

(Well. There’s a bit of nuance to that, because Nami knows when the dust is kicking up into a devil, and Robin knows negotiations, and Usopp knows poison and Chopper knows medicine but - )

“Luffy.”

(He’s the only person that Zoro would listen to without question, without condition, without doubt, without the glimmering thought of mutiny.)

Luffy, smiling under a golden hat (crown) of straw, brightens at Zoro’s own tone, the way Zoro is now distracted from the cliffside he is hanging his feet off of. Luffy passes Zoro a bottle of whiskey, his own bottle dangling between two scarred fingers. “Nami says we should reach Devil’s Peak by daybreak.”

“Yeah? Think there will be a fight?”

Think there will be an adventure?

“It’s us.”

Of course.

“Nice.” Luffy takes a swig out of his own bottle, settling down beside Zoro so they can stare out at the setting sun together.

They’ve been heading towards Devil’s Peak for a while now, drawn by the promise of the best liquor this side of the Divide and a treasure hidden in the caverns of the cliffside town.

An adventure, Luffy had said, learning about it from a bloody bandit lying at his feet. A profit, Nami had said delighted, and mapped out a path immediately.

Zoro doesn’t think he’ll mind if there’s no adventure or treasure or even booze to be found there.

(Well, maybe not the last one.)

The ride there has been eventful enough – it was the usual standard of eventful at least.  Merry, their crystal powered wagon, outfitted to scale narrow cliffs, had half broken down before Usopp could fix her up, there had been no less than six bandit attacks, they had gotten off track for three days, booze had run out before they stumbled upon a suspicious treasure trove of it, and Luffy had befriended a giant lizard (who was now, under the new name of ‘Beans’ helping pull Merry as her jets sputtered and flickered to keep moving.)

The journey is all he really has now – what’s the point of getting from A to B, if A and B are just shitholes and busted lips and sorry people?

So, he enjoys it.

Though – privately, to hold up his façade, even as he tips his own sun worn hat closer to his face – he would like a bed to sleep in.

(This unnamed planet has three suns with burning rays. It’s dangerous to travel in the day during scorching season (which is most of the year, as the planet travels between all three suns), so naps are made in cramped tents and quarters during the day. Night is when they travel during the scorching season, when this planet turns away from the light for just a moment, meager hours to precious to waste on dawdling so the pace is deadly. But… Zoro misses the rising sun above his head sometimes – misses being able to sleep whenever and not just when the chance of dying is close to zero. But – it’s the desert.

A merciless, unforgiving place.

What can he do, but survive it? Enjoy it?)

Beside him, Luffy starts humming, some old campfire song that Zoro distantly remembers from last night.

Its peaceful, this quiet moment. The way the setting sun frames Luffy’s face and the brim of his hat casts shadows in all the right places. The chill that slowly settles over their skin like whispers, the breeze that ruffles the bandanas around both of their necks.

The bottles of whiskey are set aside for a moment as both of them lean in closer to each other. Shoulders brush and Luffy kicks Zoro’s ankles twice before Zoro mutters an angry quit it! only to be met with a Shishishi!They settle, the sounds of the camp, a party, really, fading in the background, leaving only them and the setting sun.

Luffy’s fingers brush Zoro’s, and he is quick to snatch his hand in a gentle hold.

Luffy’s hands are calloused as he traces them over Zoro’s. They aren’t like Zoro’s, which are hardened from swords made of desert steel and years of practice, but rather the kind one gets from living in the desert and the wilderness for years – the kind one gets when a strong grip is all that’s between you and falling off a cliff, between you and losing a fight, between you and your freedom.

Luffy snickers, a soft thing, as Zoro switches the hold so he can trace over them instead. His head lands against Zoro’s shoulder, straw hat bumping off, and letting black hairs tickle Zoro’s skin.

Zoro doesn’t mind.

(The desert is an unforgiving place, a nameless place where nothing that has meaning really survives, and Zoro does not know how long this easy going pace will last. They have six in their motley crew, their gang, right now, and every destination is more dangerous than the last as they make their way across the desert.

Eventually, one of them is going to fall.

(And the sorry bastards of this hideous planet will cry A Straw Hat is dead! with tears in their eyes as they read the scrap of paper they call news with one of his friends’ bodies on the cover They will cry and no one will know if it is joyful or terrified.

It’ll probably be both.)

But that is not now – now is peaceful moments under the setting sun, liquor warming his lips and a hand in his. Now is the gleaming gold of a hat and a familiar sloping scar, now is the warmth of a body pressed against his and the chatter of dear friends – family – in the background.

Now is not forever, but it is all that matters.

So no, Zoro does not mind. He doesn’t mind at all.)

[connorspiracy]

Don’t Let The Street Bugs Bite || Connor & Shiloh

Timing: Current Location: Downtown Parties: @connorspiracy & @evanescentform Content: Bug monsters, insects, their skittery little legs Summary: There’s cracks in the ground with insect monsters in them. That sucks. 

Strangeness in White Crest was par for the course, so much so that the absence of strangeness would in itself be strange. Connor kept his proverbial ear to the ground, always on the message boards looking for news, rumours, or anything that might prompt him to investigate. December had itself on overboard already and they weren’t even a week in. He’d heard of cracks opening up around main street and strange insects appearing. Connor had brought bug spray and thick clothing, but he didn’t know how much that would help matters. Rio wasn’t able to film right now, thanks to the recent werewolf attack and hospitalisation, so he was alone, narrating to the camera and switching between shots of himself and the cracks. “Hey,” he called, waving at a nearby jogger with a friendly smile. “Do you wanna do a vox pop?” 

Early morning was the best time to go for a jog given recent events. Lately Shiloh has been a bundle of nerves anytime she’s in public. She hardly wanted to revert to a hermit so she would more or less take control of that and go out for a short amount of time and then come home. This time she would spend the outing on a jog. She hadn’t done much exercise since she came home and she knew that had a toll on her mental well-being as well. She hadn’t expected anyone to really speak to her and had to do a double take when she noticed someone waving at her. She slowed to a stop, pulling her earbud out. “What was that?” She wasn’t sure she heard him right. In the case she did, “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” She did notice the camera however and she hardly wanted to be on camera at the moment but maybe it would be something quick. She didn’t want to be rude after all.

Connor didn't let himself get embarrassed by filming. Yeah, people would look at him weird when he was out there talking to his camera, but he just figured that was their problem. He did get a little embarrassed when he had to approach people though. He'd wanted to head out early so there'd be fewer distractions for the video, but that also meant fewer people to talk to. "Oh, bugger, you were wearing earbuds. I didn't mean to bother you," he said with a polite chuckle. "A vox pop is like... the opinion of the public. Like when you see Joe from Sweansea being asked what he thinks about the club's new mascot on the news." He'd put the camera down for the moment, not wanting to film her unless she agreed. "I'm making a video about the cracks. Have you heard anything about 'em?" He gestured to the strange space in the ground where the road should have been connected. 

As he explained what a vox pop was, Shiloh wondered what he could be asking for. Then she turned to look down at the cracks. Come to think of it, she had seen them around town. She just assumed they were normal cracks but… anything in this town was far from normal. “Uh, I - I dunno. I think maybe an underground tree root sprouting out or… or just long overdue maintenance on the streets.” She chuckled, hoping he would find her normal reasonings satisfactory. She pulled out her other earbuds and put them away, giving him her attention. She looked down at the cracks once more, wondering what could have caused it. The way it kind of jutted out made it seem like it was something underground and god knows what might be underneath the city. “What do you think it might be?” She asked, curious of his opinion. 

Well, that answer was pretty boring. Connor scrunched his nose, a little disappointed. He wanted to get out here and film something, and this jogger was trying to convince him it was some kind of tree with its roots under the ground. “It’s happening in places where there aren’t any trees around. And people have reported… things coming out of them.” Connor leaned down a little, holding up his camera again to see if he could see anything down there. “White Crest. Pretty much the only explanation anyone needs, isn’t it?” he said with a low chuckle, narrowing his gaze. He was sure he saw something move down there. “Do you see something in there?” 

At his rebuttal, Shiloh just looked away and half-listened. She wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince - Shiloh preferred not to let just anyone know she believed in anything other than the normal right off the bat. “Honestly, White Crest nonsense is the reason for just about anything that happens here.” However, she hoped that wasn’t caught on camera considering it seemed a rather harsh thing to say about things like the many deaths and kidnappings that happened within town lines. As he called for her attention she leaned forward, wanting to see if she did catch anything inside the cracks. She didn’t seem to see anything in there. Seeing a piece of upturned gravel, Shiloh kicked it, sending it toward the crack, seeing if that would show that nothing was really down there. In retrospect, it was a completely stupid idea to poke the unknown and she should have known that. The cracks grew bigger and she saw something poke out of the ground. Was that--? Spider leg? She backed up, motioning Connor to do the same until whatever it was emerged.

"Glad you understand," Connor said, only half-joking as she returned his words about 'White Crest Nonsense'. He looked over at her with a small smile, testing the waters. You couldn't exactly blame the Cresters for being so bloody serious, but sometimes they were sooo bloody serious. He watched as she kicked some gravel into the hole. This time, he did have the camera rolling, strapped on a chest holder to leave his hands free. "What the fu--" He scrambled backwards as the long, hairy leg made its way out of the hole, followed by the rest of its insectoid body. "ARGH!" He continued to back up, trying not to trip over his own feet. After seeing people's photos and videos online, he'd opted to bring bug spray, and he unleashed it, which only seemed to irk the thing. It made a strange, skittering sound and its mouth clicked. "Stomp on it or something!" 

Shiloh hardly was one to get worked up over a bug but the sheer size of it was more than enough to rattle her. When she saw him spray something in its direction she wondered what it was - either way, it didn’t seem to have any affect on it. Maybe made it a bit angrier. “What was that?” She asked, hoping he got the hint not to use that again. It darted to them which made her back up in reaction. Maybe now was a good time to run. “I didn’t bring my huge spider stomping boots on my run today, sorry.” Shiloh didn’t know how he would even expect her to stomp on it without at least a jump and a spider was much too fast for that. As Shiloh continued walking back her feet got caught on something and she almost tumbled down but caught her footing. Yet, the ground continued to rumble. As she thought about what to do another spider leg shot out of the ground, this time much larger than the one before. “Oh fuck.” She muttered. “C’mon we gotta move out of here!” As she spoke, a larger spider emerged from the ground, kicking up chunks of asphalt.

“Bug spray!” Connor answered, as if that was completely fucking obvious. Ghosts he was completely fine with, but ants the size of hamsters were another matter entirely. He sprayed it continuously until the bottle was empty, then he threw the bottle at it, none of which helped. In fact, it was bringing friends. “Shit, shit, shit, shit--” Connor cursed as he fled from the creatures. “This what you had in mind when you went for a morning run?!” His camera was strapped to his chest in a secure harness, but he still felt it moving and hitting the top of his ribs due to the sheer speed with which he ran. The other creature that had emerged was the size of a small dog, and several more of varying mass skittered behind them. “My car--we can--” He gestured vaguely towards the Jeep Renegade that was parked at the end of the street, scrambling for his keys as they grow closer. 

“I was being sarcastic!” Shiloh explained, although was now really a good time to be arguing with someone? Shiloh could just as easily push him into the spiders and save herself! But she wasn’t going to do that because that’s kind of an awful thing to do. “You want to make a run for the car?” Shiloh asked him because if they were going to run now would be the time to do it. They were gaining on them and Shiloh didn’t want to be spider food. Or any kind of food today. “C’mon then!” She urged as she bolted off in the vague direction he gave. Even if she wasn’t heading for it, she’d still outrun them. She had been running for a few seconds before realizing she should have made sure he was right alongside her. She turned to look for him, hoping he was right behind her.

Connor was way too concerned with getting to the vehicle to come up with any kind of snappy response. The insects of varying shapes and sizes had emerged from the hole and were gaining distance on him. Six legs apparently ran faster than two. Shiloh had already been running before he’d even met her, so Connor supposed she must have been pretty good at it, because she practically left him in the dust. His car keys were pressed into the palm of his hand, and he lifted his arm to unlock it as Shiloh grew closer, only to yelp as a pair of pincers or teeth or whatever these bloody things had clamped itself around his ankle. “OW! Hey! Get off!” He tried to hit at it, but his muscles felt heavy. Something was wrong. “He-hel..” He couldn’t even finish the single syllable. 

Shiloh’s eyes dropped to him - on the floor. Oh no. No, no, no. She darted back towards him without a second thought, her mind immediately knowing she had to help him. Her own concern for her well-being and safety out of her mind. She tried to help him get up but the spider’s grip on him was strong and it seemed like Connor was going limp. “A-are you okay?” She asked knowing it was stupid considering he wasn’t speaking. She looked down at him and they met eyes. Something was wrong. Knowing she wasn’t going to be able to yank him away from the bug without causing further injury to him she set him down. The large one was coming closer and Shiloh wasn’t going to try and fight that one. Clenching her fists, she swung her leg back and then kicked forward into the spider’s abdomen, sending it flying away. The other spider seemed concerned with its fellow spider’s well-being and started to scurry off in the direction it flew. She looked down at Connor who remained unmoving.  “Okay, I’m going to pick you up, alright?” Squatting down, she picked him up (with ease) and continued to head toward the direction of his car.

Connor was fully aware, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He was just frozen, completely helpless as the creatures continued to swarm. This was it, he thought. He was going to fucking die, eaten alive by insect monsters. He heard Shiloh asking him a question, but he couldn’t answer it. He simply hoped the movement of his eyes and the desperation in them said that yes, please, please pick him up. She did, and he felt himself being moved at what seemed to be an impossible speed. Thank god she was one of those buff girls. The world faded into the back interior of his jeep as Shiloh hurriedly placed him there, doors slammed, keys turned in the ignition, and Connor felt himself breathe a sigh of relief as they sped away. If he was the cat, curiosity had nearly killed him. 

Shiloh didn’t know where she was going. To the hospital? Was he still breathing? She glanced over before remembering she was driving and should keep her eyes on the road. “I can take you to the hospital, if you’d like. I really don’t know what else to do.” She spoke aloud to him, not expecting a response. “C-Can you grunt or anything? Anything at all to let me know you hear me and you’re okay?” Shiloh asked this time, turning once she was at the light. She looked him over, happy to see he was looking around which meant he was more or less conscious? Shiloh could only hope the hospital might be able to help him in some way. Somehow. Shiloh woke up from her thoughts with a honk from behind her. She looked up and continued driving.

Connor could, in fact, breathe. His eyes and his mouth could barely move, but not well enough to be able to speak. He just closed his eyes so they didn’t get dry and so the movement of the vehicle didn’t make him sick. He let out a sound in response to what Shiloh was saying, a grunt, a grown, a death rattle? He just hoped Shiloh could hear whatever it was over the sound of the road. He didn’t know where she was taking him, but time seemed to drag on and on, as if he’d been this way for hours. By the time the vehicle came to a stop, he thought he could feel his finger starting to twitch. The flashing red and blue lights told him they were at the hospital and he whimpered as the doors opened and medics started talking to him. 

“Hey buddy, can you hear me? It’s gonna be alright. Hang in there.”

Bloody hell, this was embarrassing, but he couldn’t do anything to argue. He felt himself being pulled onto a stretcher and his car, and the person who’d been in it with him, faded from view. 

[sprnklersplashes]

heart of stone (4/?)

AO3

Cady taps her spoon against the edge of her bowl, her feet just about touching the kitchen floor. This is the day she had been waiting impatiently for for weeks now, secretly wishing summer would pass faster so that school could start up again. She’s fully aware that she’s a minority, but she actually likes school. Maybe it’s because of her more-isolated home schooled life back in Africa, but it’s fun. Classes are far more interesting than what her parents could give her, despite their best efforts, and now that she’s mastered the skills (and learned a few lessons), socialising can be great. After a rocky ride last year, where people regarded her with confusion, then awe, and then disgust, being treated like an actual human being in the last fewweeks was kind of refreshing. It’s far from ideal, there are still far too many people who cast her dirty looks when they think she’s not looking and who believe she did things she didn’t do, but those looks were getting fewer and fewer as the days went on. She had started getting a few friendly smiles as she walked down the hall or through the cafeteria and even a few “hey theres”s from people who aren’t in her inner circle.

So all in all, she was excited to go back.

But now the day has come and the last place she wants to see is North Shore.

She swirls her cereal around in her bowl, her appetite gone despite her mother’s insistence that she eat. She hasn’t told her parents about Janis yet. How can she when she’s still trying to deal with it herself? One of her favourite things is logic, that’s why she likes maths so much, there’s always a logical answer, you just have to work out the equation to get it. But she can’t work out any equation for this.

“Cady honey, you better hurry up! You don’t want to be late for your first day, do you?” Her mom’s voice is the exact opposite of how Cady feels; bright and awake and rearing to go whereas all Cady wants is her bed and a Taylor Swift album. The sad one, obviously.

She checks herself in the hallway mirror, glad to see she at least looks normal. Her white shirt is tucked into her jeans, her sandals replaced with sneakers. She had spent a little bit of time debating last night and this morning before just tying her hair back in a messy braid. When she smiles, the girl in the mirror smiles back at her and it looks real; normal happy Cady on the way to school. Her eyes don’t betray the fact that she had sobbed into her pillow for thirty minutes last night. According to her face, all is right with the world. She looks like she still has a girlfriend and like she hasn’t spent every waking moment since last night trying to make sense of what’s happened.

“See you later, Mom!” she calls over her shoulder, lifting her jacket and backpack. If she’s quick, she can get out before-

“Oh wait!”

Nope.

“Cady!” her mom hurries down the hall, her mass of curls flying behind her like a flag and her phone clutched tightly in her hand. Cady groans inwardly, fully aware of what this means. “Just let me get one picture before you leave.”

“Mommy!”

“Just one!” she pleads, gesturing with her finger, her pink lips forming a pout. You’d think a pout on a fully grown woman would look ridiculous, and it does to an extent, but it also weakens Cady’s resolve. Her mom might be an over the top sentimental monster, but she’s her over the top sentimental monster and Cady’s certain that she’d regret it if she walked out the door without letting her take a picture.

Besides, the embarrassment’s a good distraction.

“Fine,” she sighs, shifting her backpack onto her shoulder and giving into the grin working its way onto her face. She flips the braid over her shoulder and straightens her back. “Just one.”

“Promise.” That’s what her mom says, however it’s soon shown to be false, because she’s not sure if that one took. Then she wants one landscape as well as portrait. And then she needs another one because she’s not sure if she likes the lighting in that one. Then another one because apparently Cady was blinking. With each press of the button, Cady’s patience wears thinner and thinner.

“Mommy, you know that a big part of the first day of school is actually going to school?” she asks.

“Oh all right, fine,” her mom agrees, putting the phone in her pocket. She presses her hands to her mouth and looks at Cady, her shoulders rising as she takes in a deep breath. Under the hallway light, she can see the beginning of tears in her mom’s eyes. Part of Cady thinks she should roll her eyes, but instead she holds out her hand and lets her mom take it, giving it a tight squeeze. When her mom covers Cady’s hand with hers, Cady feels a quick flash of nostalgia for her homeschooling days. It’s brief and tiny, but it is there. “You’re growing up so fast. How are you a senior already?”

“I know. It feels like I’ve only been in high school for a year.” It’s a bad joke, but they both laugh. Her mom lets go of her hand and grabs her shoulders instead, her grip firm but loving.

“Have a good day today,” she tells her, finally letting her go. Just as Cady is turning to go, she takes out the phone and begins looking through the pictures, sighing wistfully at each one. Cady shakes her head fondly, chuckling under her breath. Once she’s gone, she will no doubt run up to show them to her dad and then they can both reminisce over when Cady was tiny and needed their help to toddle down the dusty roads of their old home. Parents.

“If only you’d gotten Janis to walk in with you today,” her mom says absent-mindedly. “I’d have loved a photo of the two of you together. Maybe get her to come over tonight?”

And with that, her mom unknowingly shatters her good mood.

Cady swallows the lump in her throat, reaching for her jacket as a chill takes over her body.

“Maybe,” she whispers. She clears her throat and tries again. Maybe her mom will just think it’s allergies. “She might be busy tonight.”

So much for a distraction.

She listens to one of her favourite podcasts on the way to school. She tried music, but three songs in and she was already thinking about Janis more than she was at home. She doesn’t stop when she switches to the podcast, but the discussions about the baby lions and tigers are at least a comfort to her, reminding her of her old friends.

When she gets to school, she’s first greeted by familiar faces, people she wasn’t friends with but wasn’t enemies with either. They wave and say hi and some even ask how her summer was.  Sophie Kawachi even flashes her a peace sign, which she reciprocates. Despite her rocky love life, she feels hope blossoming in her chest, not unlike the kind of hope she felt this time last year as she had bounced through the doors, but with a lot less naivete this time around. If she can fix this Janis situation quickly, maybe this year can actually be good all the way through.

“Cady!” She barely has time to register the voice before a pair of arms come around her from behind and a chin rests on her shoulder. Last year she’d have certainly been startled, and her assailant would possibly have ended up with a bruise on their cheek, but instead she giggles and leans into the embrace, breathing in the scent of strawberry lipgloss and watermelon body spray.

“Hi, Karen,” she says. Karen’s smile outshines the rhinestones on her jacket and her giggle puts a smile on Cady’s face that’s hard to wipe away. Since she’s too scared to brave homeroom just yet, she’s more than glad to see her. In any case, Karen’s great company to have around, especially when you’re sad.

“I missed you,” she says.

“You saw me a few days ago,” she reminds her, bumping her shoulder affectionately. “Are Regina and Gretchen in yet?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she says. Cady bites her lip. Sweet as Karen is, leaving her alone in the hallway is often asking for trouble. It wasn’t rare last year for her and Gretchen to have to go tracking the girl down because she’d wandered into the gym or the locker room or out to the courtyard because she wanted to see the flowers. “Regina said she’s running late. I sent her a baby chick emoji. Gretchen is meant to be here-”

And as if on cue, Gretchen appears in Cady’s vision, walking as quickly as her heels will allow and waving away Jason Weams’ attempted affection. Her eyes are wide and her mouth in a small ‘o’, an obvious sign on her nerves, but she eases when she spies Cady.

“Hey,” she says, sliding up to her. It doesn’t escape Cady’s notice how she keeps a little distance from her. She takes a step and makes it smaller. “Ugh, I can’t believe we’re back again.”

“I’m glad about it,” Cady says with a shrug. “I mean, isn’t senior year meant to be one of the best ever?”

“Yeah,” Karen says. “I’m super excited. I’ve saved this jacket for senior year since… two years ago.”

“Well it’s pretty,” Cady tells her.

“And it means I get to see you two all the time,” Karen goes on. “Not just some days.” She beams at the two of them, but her smile is more focussed and slightly softer when it comes to Gretchen. As for Gretchen herself, her cheeks turn pink and she looks away after muttering some thanks. Cady’s ears prick up and it’s a conscious effort to keep her mouth from falling open. Exactly how long as this been going on? What exactly is going on.

“Hey, Cady,” Gretchen asks quickly, her voice low. “Um… I was just wondering if you’d spoken to Janis lately.”

“J-Janis?” she repeats dumbly. She bites the inside of her cheek, determined not to cry in the middle of the hallway on her first day. “Not-not really, why?”

“Oh… well… you’re her girlfriend,” she says plainly. Was, Cady thinks sadly. Past tense. “And I know she had that hospital appointment. Did she tell you how it went?”

“Oh.” Cady pulls on her braid and notices how shaky her hands are. “Um, yeah, she said it went fine. She didn’t really want to talk about it.”

“Oh, good,” Gretchen sighs. “Because that was really scary when she passed out at the mall.”

“Yeah.” Cady turns her braid over in her hand. Her fears about Janis’ health haven’t disappeared at all, just taken a backseat to her heartbreak. She twirls the strands of hair around her fingers, grateful for Karen’s babbling as it’s the only thing keeping her grounded. She willingly walks them to their homeroom and stops to talk to as many of her peers as she can on the way back, wanting to keep her own homeroom at bay for as long as possible.

She isn’t sure who she’s more nervous about seeing, Janis or Damian. The two of them have a bond she can never understand and while she’s more than appreciative of that, she cherishes her own friendship with Damian. After years of being an only child-not counting her animals- her bond with Damian finally makes her feel like she knows what it’s like to have a sibling. She knows he’d never willingly hurt or freeze her out. That’s just not in his nature. But she’d also bet that if it came down to her or Janis, he would pick Janis in a heartbeat. She can’t blame him, but the idea still hurts.

So when she slips into homeroom just sixty seconds before the bell goes, it’s with her heart in her mouth and an anxious shiver running down her back.

But when she spies Damian at the other end of the class, Janis isn’t with him. Cady isn’t sure if that makes it better or worse. Sure, there are any number of reasons Janis wouldn’t be in school today, and chill as her parents are, they aren’t the type to let her skip school to avoid talking to Cady.

Maybe she switched homeroom classes to avoid you, a voice in her head whispers.

Thanks, she whispers back.

As is her nature, she makes the most of it and approaches Damian, her footsteps not unlike the ones she’d use when approaching the lions in Kenya. Optimistic but careful. Damian doesn’t notice her, and for a split second she panics and thinks that he’s ignoring her, until she’s next to him and he looks up from his book, his face breaking into a smile. The smile doesn’t sit right with her-it’s apprehensive and weak, and that’s unfamiliar for the ever-cheerful Damian.

“Hey,” she manages to say despite the heavy lump in her throat.

“Happy new year, little slice,” he greets. At least he’s still himself. When he doesn’t object to her dropping her bag on the desk beside his, she’s even more relieved. Even if there’s still an elephant in the room.

“So…” she begins, her fingers picking against the desk. “Have you… have you spoken to Janis lately?”

He lets out a long sigh, running his hands through his hair. There’s a vulnerability about him that Cady hasn’t seen before and she’d be lying if she said that it didn’t scare her, however slightly. His eyes meet hers, anxiety and melancholy replacing the usual fun spark.

“So she told you,” is all he says.

“Well, yeah.” Told is a strange way of putting it. She looks down at her fidgeting hands, her need for answers clashing with her respect for their friendship. Eventually she finds a middle ground. “Damian… you don’t have to answer… but did she talk to you about it before? I just thought… since you two are like…” She holds up her crossed fingers for him to see and gives him a shrug. “You know?”

“Yeah,” he says. The corners of his mouth turn up in a hollow smile. “She asked me to come over to her house and she told me everything.” His lips roll into a thin line and Cady swears she sees him blink away a tear. Was he really that invested in their relationship? More than Janis was? “It was a tough time. When did she tell you?”

“Last night,” she replies. She rubs the back of her neck, startled at how cold her hands are. “It was over the phone.”

“Ooft.” He winces sympathetically and reaches over to pat her hands. “Well, you know Janis. She’d surgically remove her emotions if she could.” Cady nods, tight-lipped. She takes in a deep breath, determined not to cry at school. She really doesn’t want to have to explain to people why she burst out crying on her first day of the school year. That’d be an even lower point than her last first day.

She must look sadder than she wants to, though, because Damian croons “Oh, sweetheart” at her and kneels beside her desk, his hand covering hers. The comfort he provides is stronger than her anxiety and pulls the words out of her before she can stop them.

“I just… It’s so unexpected,” she says. “You know?”

“Yeah. I guess you think it would never happen to you and then… it happens.” He taps a fast, nervous rhythm on her desk and she notices how chewed up some of his nails look. “And when it does it doesn’t feel real. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”

“Yeah,” she whispers. She shakes her head. If she’s honest, she there’s a small part of her that can’t help being annoyed that how much he seems to be siding with Janis here, or at the very least trying to be neutral. Yes, he’s her best friend, and she’s fully aware of how much they mean to each other. But she’s not here and would it kill him to pretend? It’s not like what she did didn’t suck and wasn’t a dick move by romance standards. Maybe she’ll vent to Gretchen later about it. “Did she ever say anything before?”

“What do you mean, before?”

“Just… it’s fine you don’t have to answer.” She turns away from him, looking in her bag for her notepad.

“Caddy-”

“No, I know it’s not any of my business,” she replies, a bit harsher than she had intended. She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear and takes in a deep breath to compose herself. When she looks over at Damian again, he’s not mad, or if he is he does a very good job of hiding it. He looks confused more than anything else. “I just thought things were going really well. I didn’t expect it-I didn’t think she wasn’t happy.”

“Not happy?” he says. “Of course she wasn’t happy, she…” His voice trails off, his eyes grow wide and Cady watches as he puts together pieces of a puzzle she doesn’t have. “Cady, what are you talking about?”

But before she can answer, Mrs Norbury strides into the classroom, her glasses atop her messy bun and as usual, she carries more papers and folders than her arms can carry. She begins welcoming them back to the school and getting them ready to tackle the year ahead, all with the same cherry, wholesome vibe that makes Cady feel so safe around her. Only she soon starts to slow down, her eyes avoiding the students as her voice takes on a more serious tone. Cady reaches down to her backpack and squeezes the plush lion on her zipper.

“As some of you may have heard, your classmate Janis Sarkisian won’t be completing this year with us.”

What? A gasp ripples throughout the classroom. It’s not just news to Cady, it’s news to all of them. Is that why she broke up with her, she wonders. The only one who doesn’t seem surprised is Damian. When she turns to him, his head is bowed and he picks at his nails, but his face is resigned. Did he know?

“Her parents informed the school that she’ll be receiving treatment for cancer throughout this year,” Norbury concludes.

Cady freezes, one particular word standing out in her mind. She’s vaguely aware of a bunch of heads turning towards her and of the suffocating silence that falls on the room, but she can’t find it in her to care, let alone meet any of them. She’s too focussed on trying to catch her breath for that. A million questions run through her mind at once, blocking out the gasps and murmurs form her classmates.

“What the fuck?” someone exclaims. And Cady’s inclined to agree with them. Until she realises that the person who said it was her.

She spends the remainder of homeroom in open mouthed shock, the words ‘Janis’ and ‘cancer’ constantly at the front of her mind. As Norbury keeps talking, she sends subtle, sympathetic glances Cady’s way and amongst all the confusion, she’s grateful for it.

At least she has an answer now, she thinks. She kind of wishes she didn’t though. Janis breaking up with her is one thing. Janis having… This is another thing entirely.

She’s hurt. She might feel bad for it but she’s still hurt. Hurt that Janis didn’t tell her and hurt that she decided she’d rather break up with her than confide in her. Whatever she thought about where she and Janis were in their relationship, she was clearly wrong.

As soon as the bell rings she’s at Damian’s desk, looking up at him with eyes that demand answers. He sighs, putting his bag on his shoulder and the two hang back as the rest of the students file out, only leaving when Mrs Norbury gives them a silent reminder that there’s other people in the world besides them.

“She didn’t tell you,” he states in a low voice. The hall is empty enough, their fellow students far away enough so that they won’t hear them. “Did she?”

“Tell me?” She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Damian… she broke up with me!”

“She did what?” he gasps, bringing the two of them to a halt. He shakes his head, as close to a scowl as she’s ever seen on his face. “That’s… no, I’m gonna… Okay but she… I’m going to talk to her about that because-”

“Damian.” She holds up her hand to silence him. “It’s okay. I can deal with her. It’s my-our relationship.”

“Okay.” His hand brushes against hers and then he takes it, his palm warm against hers. She’s not sure who he’s trying to comfort, himself or her, then it occurs to her it might be both. And despite it all, it’s nice to know he’s still her friend. “Damian, when you said she told you… what exactly did she tell you?”

At first he doesn’t answer. He swings their joined hands, a troubled expression on his face. And for the first time, it actually hits Cady as the anger begins to fade. It’s still there, but it simmers in the background as she faces this harrowing reality; Janis has cancer. Her girlfriend, the girl she… really likes a lot, has cancer.

Damian’s arm wraps around her waist and he hugs her tightly. She leans into his embrace, the two of them alone in this vast ocean.

“She told me everything she could,” he tells her quietly. “That she starts treatments on Monday.” Explains why she isn’t here. “She apologised, which was ridiculous.”

“Completely.” When Cady reaches up to touch her face, her fingers come away wet. Damn it.

“She also said she’s going to be okay,” he says weakly. “I told her of course she will be.”

“Of course,” Cady echoes. She thinks of Janis, larger than life, unapologetic, goofy, stubborn, beautiful Janis and despite the tears in her eyes and the hurt in her chest, she smiles. There’s no way this cancer could take her down. Not that she ever thought it would.

She rests her head on Damian’s shoulder and when she slips into her first class five minutes late, she’s let off with a warning and nothing more. And dozens of concerned eyes and hushed murmurs as she makes it to her seat. She’s not Home Schooled Jungle Freak or New Queen Bee any more. She’s The Girl Whose Girlfriend Has Cancer.

                                                                                               *****

At the end of the school day, Cady is the first one heading for the door, ducking her head to avoid the rest of the student body. Now that the word is out about Janis it’s all anyone talks about, and everyone assumes that as her girlfriend, she already knew. Which of course she didn’t and while she feigns composure and tries to be collected, she can’t not be annoyed at her. Every time someone approaches her and asks when Janis told her, she has to begrudgingly admit that she only found out this morning and it stings, even if she doesn’t tell them about the break up. Being the Girl Whose Girlfriend Has Cancer is one thing, being the Girl Who Got Dumped is another. It’s why she’s so eager to leave before anyone else can ask her; she wants to get to Janis’ house while there’s still affection in her.

She shoots her mom a quick text telling her she’s going to Janis’, omitting the reason why. To be honest, all she wants to do is run home and collapse in her mom’s arms and tell her everything, to give in to all the sad feelings hiding behind her anger. But she’s only got three days to talk to Janis about this and she worries that if she goes home now, she’ll never see her again.

And it’s the idea of never seeing Janis again that propels her forwards, taking the bus to her street and forcing her feet to move in the direction of her (ex) girlfriend’s house. A passer-by would be forgiven for thinking she was confident given the quick pace with which she’s walking, but her heart is pounding so hard it might burst out of her chest and she spent the bus ride writing down the main points she’s making like it’s a debate for English class. The only reason she’s moving with such purpose is a combination of the “Empowerment Playlist” she’s listening to (courtesy of Gretchen) and what she likes to think is rightful frustration.

Still, she has to wipe her hand on her pants before ringing Janis’ doorbell.

“Hi Mrs Sarkisian,” she greets with a smile, the same smile she’s always greeted Cady with. She searches Mrs Sarkisian’s face, trying to find any trace of fear or sadness or any indication that her daughter has been struck with an infamous illness. Was she in the room when they found out? Had she had an idea before? More selfishly, does she know about the break-up?

“A-are you here for Janis?” Mrs Sarkisian asks and it’s then Cady realises she hasn’t said anything.

“Oh, um, yeah, yes,” she replies. She plays with the zipper of her jacket. “Is she here? I just want to talk to her about… some stuff.”

A moment passes before she says “sure” and lets Cady in. She wonders what was going in Mrs Sarkisian’s head for that moment. Was she considering making up a lie and politely declining?

“She’s just in the living room.” She gestures to the tightly shut door. That’s all that’s separating her from Janis. A door that’s about the same thickness as her calculator. She suddenly starts chugging the water in her backpack.

“Thanks, Mrs Sarkisian,” she replies. She gives her a stern look and Cady manages a weak nod, remembering a past conversation. “Laura.”

As Janis’ mom moves slowly down the hallway, Cady places her hand on the doorknob, fingers freezing around the metal. Seeing her girlfriend is scaring her more than anything else she’s faced so far.

“Fearless,” she whispers to herself. “Fearless.” Her little mantra gives her strength and she turns the knob, and stumbles into the living room.

“Caddy!”

Janis is sitting on the couch, the exact same girl she saw last week at the mall. Every inch of her is familiar, but at the same time Cady has to ask herself if she always looked like this. If her skin is paler or is she imagining things, does she look more tired or is it just the lack of make-up? Her hair looks unbrushed and is pulled back into a messy ponytail and in the split second before she noticed her, she had been watching the TV with half-empty eyes and her hand thoughtlessly running through Maxie’s fur. There’s a white blanket draped around her shoulders and she doesn’t think she remembers Janis looking quite so vulnerable before.

One thing is for sure though; Janis wasn’t expecting her to come around.

“Caddy what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” she asks, stepping closer to Janis. A warm flush spreads across her face and down her back and she doesn’t know if it’s out of anger or embarrassment or both. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

“I don’t-”

“Janis, I know,” she tells her sharply, only to immediately regret it. Her whole body is rigid, apart from her hand which fidgets at her side. “I know. Norbury told us, Jan. I know what’s wrong with you. Everyone does.”

“Oh,” is all Janis says. She turns away from her, but thanks to her pulled-back hair, Cady can see the way her jaw is clenched and how her shoulders shake, the way her face scrunches in a way that can only mean one thing. In less than a second, all the anger and frustration that had pushed her here melts away, leaving just a little bit of guilt and a lot of sadness. Seconds pass in a suffocating silence and Cady is almost tempted to just leave. Walk out the door and let her go. It’s only because the idea of letting her go hurts more than this that she stays.

“I’m sorry,” Janis finally says, still looking away. “I wanted to tell you-okay no that’s a lie. I didn’t.”

“Oh thanks,” Cady scoffs. “Way to make me feel better.”

“No, Caddy.” She pushes a rather offended Maxie off her lap and stands up. It doesn’t escape Cady’s notice how the task takes more effort than normal or that her breathing is more laboured than it should be. She’s clad in an oversized grey shirt and black shorts poking out underneath, her collarbone poking out starkly. She looks over at her, tear tracks on her pale cheeks. “It’s not like that. I didn’t want you to know because…” She waves her hand in mid-air as she searches for the right words. “I didn’t know how.”

“You knew how to tell Damian,” she says, though her voice is far softer than it would have been an hour ago.

“He’s different,” Janis tells her with a shrug. “He’s Damian.”

“And I’m what exactly?” she asks. After a deep breath in, she takes a step closer to Janis. They’re still giving each other space, but she could reach out and touch her now if she wanted. Instead she keeps her arms to herself. “Janis I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah you are.”

“Yeah okay, I am,” she sighs. “I mean… did you break up with me to get out of telling me?”

“No.” Her eyes widen at that, her hair bouncing as she shakes her head. “No, no Cady. I didn’t.”

“Then what? Were you always planning on it? Was this just really bad timing?”

“No, God, Cady no!” As she speaks, she looks the most normal she has since Cady got there. Or the most familiar, at least. She runs a hand over her face, a small, pained sound emitting from her mouth. “God. I broke up with you because…” She lets out a loud, trembling sob and not having her arms around her physically hurts. “Because you didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve a girlfriend with… with cancer.”

Now it’s Cady’s turn to bite back tears. How could Janis even think that? That some illness would make her less worthy of her? Her confession tears at and mends her heart at the same time.

“Well…” She takes another step closer to her. Lifting her chin up just a little, she takes Janis’ hand and moves it away from her face. Cady’s thumb presses into the palm of her hand. “You don’t deserve cancer.” Janis’ fingers intertwine with hers.

“That’s different,” she whispers. “I’m just trying to minimise the damage.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…” She winces out of some unknown pain. “It means I’m already dragging my parents down with this. And Damian too. I ca-can’t do that to you.” Cady blinks and-unsurprisingly-finds tears in her own eyes. “I can’t drag you down too, Caddy.” Cady shakes her head, her words deserting her. As if Janis could ever drag her down. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have, you were right. You shouldn’t have had to find out like that.”

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have.” That’s about as annoyed as she can get now. After a brief hesitation, she reaches out and wipes her tears away. She at least smiles at that. “Janis… don’t push me away. Not now, especially not now.” Not when you need me she adds silently.

“I just want you to be happy,” she says quietly. “I want you to enjoy your senior year, Caddy. Minimal baggage.”

“Maybe I want to carry the baggage with you,” she replies firmly. Her words take Janis by surprise. With a gentle smile, she continues “I mean isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing as your girlfriend?” The hopeful look in Janis’ is all the answer she needs. Enough to make her close the distance between them even more and run her fingers through her hair. “Then let me in,” she whispers.

And she’s close to. But there’s a tension in Janis’ shoulders and a wall still standing between them.

“Caddy, I read all these articles,” she explains. “About relationships and cancer and it might… I might not be able to be a good girlfriend right now.”

Cady shakes her head again, because she can’t imagine a world where Janis isn’t a good girlfriend.

“Then I’ll be good enough for the both of us,” she tells her. “Then when you get better, we can be good together.”

The corners of Janis’ mouth turn up into a smile and gosh, does it warm Cady’s heart to see it.

“There’s no getting rid of you, is there?”

“Nope.” Janis chuckles, the sound sweet and lovely and better than any music on her phone and taps her finger to Cady’s nose. In response she plants a swift and sweet kiss to the inside of Janis’ wrist.

“Do you want to stay?” she asks sheepishly. “Just for a little bit. You can fill me in on school. I can fill you in on this. And…” She avoids her eyes but this time it’s not out of fear or discomfort. If the pinkish hue on her cheeks is any indication, it’s out of an affectionate embarrassment. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Cady tells her, squeezing her hand. “Art freak.”

They settle themselves on Janis’ couch, Cady’s legs draped over hers and the blanket around Janis’ shoulders and pulled over Cady’s back, sealing them in their own little cocoon. Cady tries to fill her in about school and what she’s missed, deciding to omit the details about Karen and Gretchen this morning. Janis can find that out when the two of them are ready. Instead she tells her about her plans to captain the Mathletes now that Kevin is gone and of her excitement for the classes ahead. Small and unimportant things that soon fall to the side, giving way for Janis to tell her everything.

“I have leukaemia,” she explains. “According to Mr Doctor Man, that means I have too many white blood cells and that means the red ones can’t function.” Her hand is tense as it curls around Cady’s. That sounds nothing short of terrifying to Cady, and she realises immediately after that that she’s not even the person going through it. So as much as anything Janis says scares her, it’s nothing to what Janis herself must be feeling.

“How did you find out?” she asks after a while.

“I just… I was tired all the time,” she says. “And you know… passing out in the mall.” The fact that Cady was there that day and witnessed it and didn’t know the reason why sends a shiver down her spine. “And I was waking up in the middle of the night and I was really, really hot. You can make a joke about how I’m already really hot.”

“Nah. Your ego’s big enough already.” Janis chuckles, albeit short lived.

“So I got a blood test and then… they found out.” She gives a nonchalant shrug that’s not at all matching the topic. “I did not take it well.” Now it’s Cady’s turn to laugh and she wonders if this is a sign of what’s coming. Laughing at the darkness because it’s better than the alternative.

“Damian told me you start treatment on Monday,” she says quietly. Janis nods and takes in a deep breath. Cady wonders if Damian telling her was crossing a line.

“Yep,” she sighs. Her demeanour changes slightly, even if the tension in her hand and the beating of her heart doesn’t. Not too much, but enough to make her appear calm to an outsider. “Basically two weeks in the hospital, then a week here, for three months.” She kisses the back of Cady’s hand, a spark in her eye that feels more like her. “Then after that, all of this will be a funny memory and we’ll laugh ourselves silly.”

“We will?” Cady echoes, doubtful. Janis manages a half-nod and Cady rests her head on her shoulder, her arm across her girlfriend’s chest. Janis pulls her closer and rests her cheek against Cady’s hair. If she’s honest, the way Janis is holding her isn’t entirely comfortable, but there’s a desperation in her touch that makes Cady’s discomfort almost silly. Like someone might come in and drag Cady away at any moment. So even with the dull ache in her back, she strokes Janis’ hair and kisses her cheek, counting the tiniest of smiles as a victory.

They sit like that in silence for a long, long time before Janis speaks up again, without walls or defences and sounding impossibly far away despite being so close to her.

“I’m scared,” she confesses, and then she breaks. It’s not the panicking type of fear that she’s familiar with, both from her own experiences and with Gretchen. Instead it feels deep and cold, sitting heavily in her soul and rattling her from within. She’s been living with it for days now, utterly alone. And it’s terrible, for Cady to watch and no doubt for Janis to experience. She’d give anything if it meant she could just tell her it will all be okay, how could she?

“I know,” is what she says instead. She kisses her cheek again and again and nuzzles into her neck. “I know.” Janis’ moves heavily and slowly against her, her breath ruffling Cady’s stray hair. She presses another firm kiss to Cady’s head and a lot is held in that simple gesture.

“I need you to promise me something,” Janis says softly. Her fingers fidget and pick anxiously at the blanket, chasing away whatever pleasantness was left. “I need you to promise that if it gets too much… if this gets too hard for you, you’ll walk away.”

“Janis-”

“Cady.” She shifts and breaks them apart so she can look Cady squarely in the eyes and hold her hands close to her chest. The expression on her face is equal parts desperate and steadfast. And fear. Cady has an unwelcome suspicion that fear might become commonplace for the next few months. Janis holds her face in her cold hands and continues. “I mean it. I need you to promise that you won’t put your life on hold because of me. That if… if this starts interfering with your life and what you want, you’ll step back. Even if it means… if it means ending it.”

Cady shakes her head. It’s an absurd promise and one she could never keep. Asking her to give up Janis would be like asking her to step down as Mathletes captain or delete the pictures of lions from her phone. She went through a lot last year to find who she wants to be, and who she wants to be with, and nothing could make her give that up. But Janis is silently pleading with her and she knows there’s no way to placate her other than agreeing.

“Okay, fine. I promise.” But her fingers are crossed behind her back. She’s broken promises before, and this is at least one worth breaking. And regardless, there’s more ways to get out of such a deal. “And I’ll make another promise. That it’ll never be too much for me. Not ever, Janis Sarkisian.”

She nods and mumbles an ‘okay’ and while she’s clearly comforted by Cady’s declaration, she doesn’t seem entirely convinced. It makes sense; she’s been plagued by insecurities for a while and the effects past betrayal still linger on her, making sweet words turn sour in her mind. So when Cady tilts her head towards her and kisses her, it’s more than a kiss. It’s another promise, not to Janis but to herself, that she’ll spend every day until this is over making Janis believe her.

[wintersweetbou]

Glaiveweek 2020- Day 6. Scabs to Scars

Day 6 of glaiveweek 2020! @glaiveweek

Prompt: The World has Stopped, Yet it keeps Turning- Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Summary: Galahd is dead. Its people flee for Lucis, desperate for sanctuary. It is granted, but takes time for the refugees to find a niche for themselves. Nyx and Libertus struggle to find their place where massacre haunts yesterday, hunger threatens today, and tomorrow is uncertain. 

Galahd was no more. Razed by incendiary rounds, crushed by mechs, and anything running in the shadows was shot by MTs, or ripped apart by demons. The people fled their shores, desperate to outpace the robotic tide. No one was spared, not even the children. Not a soul. Those who managed to get out made for the surrounding lands, in waves of refugees. King Regis of Insomnia accepted them graciously, his people did so too at first. 

Slums slowly filled with the survivors, packed and warm and dirty. It was never ideal, but people looked the other way when shoving immigrants into apartments nowhere near up to code. It was a relief, even. To people homeless from war, having a cramped, filthy space to call your own is still a haven. 

Nyx had a plan, at least. It was better than nothing- better than the dull task of surviving the day. To repay services rendered. The king’s retinue had arrived to hold off an assault as a ramshackle fleet of boats, waiting till the last second. Galahadians ran screaming for the shore...the boats couldn't wait...they were almost here...fire, sulfur...crystalline shields, holding them back...Nyx held her hand, dead sprint for the shore. She slipped. Get down, Selena!!!!

Nyx woke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat. Libertus snored obliviously, sprawled over his half of the couch. Nyx struggled to control his breathing, trying not to further disturb the packed apartment. Crowe, a tiny scrap of a female, snarled in her sleep from her armchair nest. Snores and whimpers breathed down the halls from the overcrowded rooms. Nyx calmed slightly at the notion that he wasn’t alone in his pain. Nightmares were beyond common for everyone in the packed halls of the now-christened Galahd District. Days passed slowly, barely numbing the pain of yesterday. Nyx breathed deeply, settling back down. The cheap alarm clock on the side table read three thirty in the morning, just two more hours of sleep if he managed to pass out right this second. Nyx sighed, curling up into a ball. Odd jobs that he and Libs took were not going to cut it much longer. His face smoothed out as he snuggled deeper into the ratty couch, tugging the threadbare blanket about him. Tomorrow they would audition for the Kingsglaive. Rumor had it that the Citadel would accept anyone compatible with the king’s magic. Nyx grinned. Rumor also had it that Galahdians were strangely in tune with the crystal’s power. Today would be a good day. 

And it was. Nyx and Libertus passed the the test, the energy flowing through them rather than burning their veins. The compatible ones were led to an ornate meeting room in the Kingsglaive Headquarters, and told to wait for the examination to conclude. It seemed like every other fit galahdian was trying to get entry- about one in five seemed capable, extremely high percentage compared to the lucian citizenry. 

Crowe walked in, choosing a seat in the far corner, eyes down. Nyx waved, but she didn’t see, or care to respond. 

“She made it, at least.” Libertus shrugged. 

Nyx hummed in assent, glancing about. He recognized a couple of faces in the small crowd, but no names came to mind. He supposed it wouldn't matter. He would learn them if they were going to be working together. Tucking his braids back, he stretched. Libertus yawned, then drew himself up straight. Steps in the hallway, getting closer. Multiple people. The king, his shield, the captain of the glaive, and the newly named Marshal strode in, facing the new recruits.The king leaned forward, addressing his soldiers to be.

“You have shown affinity with the magic of this kingdom. Should you join my service, I will have you named my Glaives. An elite force, to strike back at the empire that burned your homes. I will not stand for this destruction. It is time to push back. Will you join me?” King Regis called, to be met with cheers. The king smiled.

“I’m glad to have you. This might seem rather rushed, as far as career advancements go. Background checks are rather difficult to do with the current circumstances. So I grant you pardon -your slate is clean. A new start- for Galahd and Lucis.” Nyx felt his core warm. This is what he came here for. This is what he wanted. 

“Now, each of you will need to be escorted to be photographed. Paperwork will be your first mission. Then fitting out for uniforms and equipment, and then the real training begins. A one week trial will be given to see if you really have what it takes.Titus Drautos is the Captain, and he will be in charge of training and commanding you. Heed him well. He does not impress easily.”

Drautos bowed at the compliment, and hushed murmuring ran through the hall. 

“Should you gain his endorsement at the end of the week, I will bond you to the magic of my blood. Go with honor.” The king stepped back, met with thunderous applause. He turned and left, leaving their new captain.

“You heard the King. My name is Titus Drautos- captain of the glaive. You are now my new recruits. Today we do paperwork and take measurements. Tomorrow, we see what you can do. Now, first order: Line up in alphabetical order by last name- A’s here by the door. Clerks are on the first door on the left hand side, they will call when they are ready. Return here when you are done. Should take a while. Refreshments and restrooms are on the right. I will be with the clerks if you have any questions. Have a good first day, recruits.” Drautos bowed, then waved for them to begin. 

The recruits rose, wandering to their supposed places. Crowe strode silently over to the front. A slight man with unruly brown hair tapped on her shoulder. 

“Arra?” He asked shyly, not meeting her gaze. 

“Altuis.” She responded, nodding as he shuffled in line behind her. The others slowly filtered in, checking names, chatting quietly. 

“Bellum?” “Behind me- Arra.” 

A young man with brown slicked back hair grumbled quietly, trying to find the L’s. He stepped up and tapped the next guy in line- a tanned stick of a teenager with dark eyes and wild black hair. “Lazarus?” 

“Khara.” The raven replied, stepping forward politely, giving him room to slide in. Lazarus did, and began chatting with Khara. Both stayed very polite, expressing wishes of success to each other in the coming training. Lazarus seemed to have ambitions of making an officer, while Khara was content to see how things went on their own. Neither spoke of their homelands, the burns and scars still freshly healed and very visible.  

Further down the line, Libertus and Nyx parted where the newly formed line wrapped around a corner. From their spots along the wall, they could see the entire room, and could maintain sight to each other without looking too out of place. There were only a few letters between O and U, and fewer people with last names between them. They maintained a quiet conversation of gestures and facial expressions.

 Nyx raised an eyebrow, cocking his head at Crowe, who was being led along with several others down the hall to get IDs. Libertus shrugged. The line shuffled forward, absorbing the space. Time began to crawl.

Nyx scanned the room, switching his weight to the other foot, leaning back against the wall. This was taking forever. Libertus nodded to the clock on the wall scratching his stubble, raising an eyebrow. Nyx shook his head, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly. This would take a bit. Not only ID’s, but papers declaring citizenship, papers allowing them to work for deposit, and not under the table as they all had been since they got here. Probably actual bank accounts too. They should be happy to get these papers so quickly, as the office of immigration was a backlog of chaos- too many people to deal with all at once. It was getting better by the day, but it was still months waiting for work papers. Here they were being given out easy peasy. 

Eventually Libertus was called forward, then Nyx. The office was an open space, where clerks manned computers and printers, quickly making folios for the new recruits. Nyx quickly smoothed his hair, and stepped forward for his mugshot. He stared ahead for the camera, expression attentive but neutral. Then he was shooed to the nearest open clerk and began filling out a stack of paperwork of which the likes he had never seen. 

Libertus yawned and twisted, several pops bursting from his vertebrae. It took almost four hours, but the last of the recruits came back- Nyx among them. Libertus waved down his friend, Nyx ambling over through the chatting glaives to be. 

“Captain stopped by- said the crownsguard mess would be providing lunch- then we get measured.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” Nyx grunted, then followed as the captain called for his recruits to follow. Lunch was filling, but bland. Galahd knew how to appreciate spice- the spaghetti and meatballs barely had any hint of a kick. It did the job, and Nyx guessed that was all it had to do. 

Measurements went far faster than the paperwork, Ramuh be praised. Quiet conversation rumbled through the armory, recruits pointing to various pieces of armor and weaponry, appreciative and wary at the same time. Nyx joined Libertus in mocking the cumbersome polearms. Lighter spears were the best long weapon- pure speed when used correctly, and with extreme utility at any fighting distance. Nyx glanced at the small arms section with interest- looking at the curved blades. His only blade was back in that shitty excuse for an apartment- hidden at the bottom of his meagre possessions. One blade out of a set...the other blade far from here, on a battered shoreline....

Libertus shook his best friend, worried at the clouded look that passed over his eyes. It happened less often than it used to- every day was progress- but it still bothered the shit out of him, and Nyx’s triggers were inconsistent and hard to identify at times. Libertus squeezed Nyx’s shoulder, pointing at a ridiculous collection of greatswords. Nyx shook himself, and chuckled at the sight. Light weapons, spears, and ambush had been the way to be in the jungles of Galahd. Stealth. Speed. Precision. Those were the tools of the hunter. 

Drautos called them back into the meeting room as the last of the clerks packed up. 

“Today you did well. Being able to take orders quickly and quietly is a hallmark of a good soldier.  Tomorrow, after a quick physical, we test your capabilities. Wear something you can move in- sweats and tees are good for now, plus a water bottle. Full range of motion will be noted- and be sure- for the love of the gods- to note any allergies, food and medical. We almost lost someone to a peanut butter sandwich. I refuse to let a sandwich kill any glaive.” 

The group snickered. A sandwich was an inglorious death, but hilarious to note afterward. 

The captain led the group back out, towards the Citadel entrance, giving instructions to return here at 7am sharp. The group murmured its assent, and dispersed into the ever present crowd in the Citadel Square. Nyx and Libertus walked along slowly, talking about what magic felt like. Nyx got takeout, while Libertus got drinks. They reconvened at their tiny shared apartment- kids scampering in the halls, Crowe nowhere to be seen. 

“I worry about her, sometimes.” Libertus muttered through a mouthful of rice. 

“More like always. You have a thing for her, or what?” Nyx slurped on his drink, fluttering his eyes. Libertus shoved him. 

“Nah. I just...she doesn’t have anyone, other than us. Remember when we found her, on the edge of our village?” Nyx nodded, munching slowly. Emaciated, filthy. 

“I just want better for her. She feels like a little sister…” Libertus mumbled into his stir fry. Nyx stilled, trying not to sink into painful thoughts. Crowe did deserve better, and Libertus was a good man for wanting that. But still- uphill battle. She did accompany them, but getting her to talk was a challenge. It was getting better- but still. She had the nasty habit of lashing out at things that moved in ways she didn't like- but it did keep her safe all this way, even here in Lucis. Creeps who tried to grope her on the subway left with bruised ribs and clawed faces, if they were lucky. She had a mean hook and her knee had almost neutered a dude who thought he could cop a feel off a refugee free of charge. 

“Give her time. We are all dealing with the clusterfuck of what happened.” Nyx sighed, sipping. Libertus exhaled impatiently, then shrieked as a hand descended on his shoulder. Nyx jolted, then burst out laughing. Crowe smirked, appearing from nowhere, stealing several fries from Nyx. 

“I can handle myself. Little sister this.’’ She flicked Libertus painfully on the forehead with a nice crack. He recoiled, cringing and grumbling about unfairness and cruelty. Crowe tossed her dark hair, relishing her stolen fries, settling into her armchair- covered with cheap fluffy throws. Nyx chuckled at Libertus sulkily rubbing his head. Warmth settled in his chest, soft and soothing, where it hadn't in a while. Subconsciously he knew what it was, even if he couldn't bear to acknowledge it. That calm you get when people who care for you are around. Family.

The physicals passed uneventfully. Weight taken, height measured, blood pressure noted, sample taken. Nyx was unaware of any allergies he had- medicine or food. He was healthy, reflexes good. Range of motion good for a man his age, needs to stretch more, but who doesn’t? The doctor gave him a form clearing him of restrictions, clean bill of health, and instructions to make a copy to keep, and one to go in his folio. 

Nyx made his copies and dropped them with a clerk, jogging over to the main group of recruits milling about the arena, waiting for the captain to announce the next activity. From the looks of things, running was in his future. A glaive was taping off lines around the arena, clearly labeling a track. Nyx grinned. He could run, and so could Libertus, if not without grumbling about it the entire way. Libertus was more of a weights kind of guy. The captain called the group over, and began the next section of testing.

“Each of you will need to keep a log of your training. After today, notebooks and smart watches will be provided for you to log resting bpm, workout bpm, weight reps, and activities done. The goal here is to hone you into the best version of yourselves, and teach you to maintain that. Today is just an introduction into that. The rest of the week you will be joining the other glaives in their workouts- so they may teach you how we do things, and see if you can keep up.” Drautos read from his clipboard, checking off names. 

“Light jog around the perimeter- warm up.” 

Nyx loped off, finding an easy rhythm. Crowe tapped his shoulder and jogged up, shoulder to shoulder. She moved effortlessly, and Nyx relaxed into the movement further at her calm. This was something he could do for hours, and she seemed to be of the same thought. Quiet and decorum could be accomplished, and even enjoyed in small doses. But movement was a simple joy, action soothed the snarly, spiky bits of thought that could wander in when he was inactive. This was meditation. 

They ran side by side, picking up the pace as the captain called for it in intervals, enjoying the smooth simplicity. The group broke up, different individuals having different strengths. Nyx and Crowe ended up firmly in the middle of the faster individuals, along with that Khara kid and several others. The middle group was the biggest, working at keeping the pace a little harder, but keeping it nonetheless. Most just watched as the Lazarus dude bickered with a redhead named Tredd about what weapon style was best.  ]

The last group composed of the larger recruits, those being more strength based, rather than dexterity. It wasn’t a bad thing, to be slower. Heavy hitters were needed too. The group noted that Drautos didn’t reprimand the slower group, but encouraged them to keep a steady pace. It was a good start on his part in growing loyalty. It was grown, not given. 

Libertus blew Nyx away in the weight room, benching well over three hundred pounds. Nyx could bench his own weight, but not much more. His upper body needed work, along with core and glutes. He was still growing, barely twenty one. The meat hadn’t yet settled on his bones like Libertus, but it was getting there. Provided he started eating better, getting more meat with meals. Nyx couldn’t wait for a proper salary...he could get his own apartment, and have snacks…

“ Time to go, hotshot.” Libertus chuckled, tossing Nyx his jacket. They made their way back, once again getting cheap takeout stir fry, and settling in for an early night. Something told them that joining the real glaives would suck, and that they would need all the energy they could get. They were right. 

By the next afternoon, the newbies were aching all over. Resistance training focused on overloading muscles to build them stronger- and overload they did. The real glaives were nuts- the military branch was new, but Ramuh, they were no slouches. Even without touching magic and combat practice, they blew the recruits out of the water. Back at the apartment Crowe dropped into her chair with a moan, falling asleep almost instantly. Libertus followed quickly, snoring immediately. Nyx chuckled, limping over, tucking each of them in. He would have to visit the elder down the hall- she made medicine in Nyx’s village, the old recipes that made powerful balms and liniments. Flopping into his spot Nyx thought about the coming days and shuddered. It was just the beginning. 

Days faded into each other, the new glaives too tired to really let it sink in. The week passed, and they became official glaive trainees, with official glaive paychecks. The three of them got their first apartment together, thankful to be free of the kids running underfoot, and crocherty elders demanding their attention at all times. It was still small and dirty, with truly awful water pressure, but soon it felt like home. Crowe found colorful paper lanterns, and with some cheap string lights, it made a living room without proper wiring feel festive. Libertus stocked the kitchen, properly cooking meals, with the necessary heat, thank you very much. Nyx was happy to get his own room- he really was- but he missed the comfort of knowing Libertus was right there, should nightmares get the better of him. The thought bothered him, until one night he realized that no matter the thickness of the walls, Libertus’s snoring would prevail. He would never be free of the six-damned snoring. 

They grew, in their own ways. Libertus hardened- his arms, neck, and torso showing what he spent his training on. He was upset that his belly didn’t shrink, but the combat sessions showed that that may have been a good thing- a strong core with padding makes you difficult to push around. He settled in, confidence blooming. Libertus regained his cheer from before the genocide of his people, mostly. There was a sharper edge to his temper, and dark moods that were not there when they were kids. But life continued on. He tried new recipes in the meantime, having Nyx and Crowe test them out. It was pretty good, with one notable flop that had everyone fighting for the bathroom. That recipe was burned by Crowe the second she recovered, after wresting open every window she could find.

Crowe, now being fed properly, blossomed. She was still slight, but was stupid quick and flexible. Her dagger skills were amazing, and her magic affinity was proving to be something terrifying. Crowe bonded with the rest of the glaives, keeping them on their toes. The lesson was learned quickly, don't try to mess with her, you’d end up bleeding. But befriend her, and she would keep you laughing with wit and sarcasm. And the pranks. The unending pranks with the other glaives. It got so bad once, most of the glaive were afraid to open doors and cabinets, for fear of silly string and glitter bombs. The glitter never came out all the way. 

Nyx filled out slowly, gaining strength on top of his speed, endurance from nonstop aerial warp tricks. His shoulders broadened, and his arms gained some definition. He was happy, more than he had been in a while. He had an apartment with friends, a nice job, and steady income. The routine was stabilizing- having a clear expectation of what the days and nights would bring, and what was expected of him. The nightmares still happened, but less and less often. When Galahd burned, he felt the world had stopped turning. But here he was. Still alive, and growing stronger by the day. Nifelheim should fear them. They were coming. For hearth and home.

[marveling-chrisevans]

Walking Away - Chris Evans/Reader

Chris Evans x Reader

Prompt:  As she stepped on the Train, I fought every urge to climb on after her 

Word count: 2,778

Warnings: Fluff,  a little angst, and a little smut 

Reader: Female

Summary: Chris gets his dream job and moves away, your relationship gets strained and guess you will have to read.. to find out how this ends, I don’t want to spoil it 

Tag List: @patzammit @smoothdogsgirl @torntaltos

** if you have an idea and wanna message it to me, I am happy to write it. im always looking for one shot prompts or ideas, I am working on another chapter of what if. so look for that in the next couple days *****

Two Years. It has been two years since the both of you met and fell in love. Little did you expect it to change, or happen. He was offered his dream job across country, knowing this was your home. Knowing that you couldn’t leave, not with your family still being here and you were doing something you loved. You watched him on the phone “you mean I got the job?” He wondered as the look on his face went from scared and anxious to a look of pure joy. This was something that he had been working for his entire life “wait you mean its in Seattle?” He wondered knowing he was going to have to relocate. You could feel your heart drop as you heard him discuss it a little further as he looked at you “thank you so much for the opportunity, ill be in touch” he said as he hung up the phone. “Seattle?” You wondered as you sat down on the couch next to Dodger, your cat. The both of them looked at you as it seemed that something had changed within you. “y/n” he said as he sat in front of you on the coffee table and put his hands on your legs “i had no idea when I interviewed that we were going to have to relocate” he said knowing he wanted to spend his future with you. There was no doubt in his mind. “what do you mean we? Come on Chris you know my entire life is here, I just can’t leave my mom, I can’t just leave my job they depend on me” you said as you knew whee this was going to go, your heart was breaking right in front of your eyes 

“long distance is an option well we figure this out?” He said he knew he couldn’t pass on the job and you couldn’t let him “i won’t take the job” he also offered “Christopher you are taking the job it is a dream and you are not going to stay in Boston for me when your dreams lie elsewhere I could never ask you do to do that, I would never expect you too” “Y/n, staying with you is everything I want. Ill stay if that’s what we decided but whatever we do we have to make the choice together” You nod as he spoke to you and reached up and wiped away a few of the tears that were not aware of had fallen You cleared your throat and then got up and sighed “well till we figure that out we I guess need to spend some time together” you smiled at him “come on lets go out, get a few, hang out with our friends and just enjoy the town” you sighed as you walked away into the bathroom and shut the door behind you and locking it before you slide down the door letting your tears fall faster. You couldn’t imagine long distance with him. Every other long distance relationship you knew never worked. Which means you might loose the love of your life. You got in the shower to give yourself a second and your eyes a moment to not be so red and walked out in a towel and went into the closet in the bedroom you shared. You saw him laying on the bed. “well look at you cleaned up nice” you smiled softly as you put on some panties and a bra “i think we should stay in, because the moment you put clothes on im going to want them off of you” he replied as he got up and walked over and wrapped his arms around you and kissed the back of your neck. You already texted your friends, and they were already at the club waiting for the both of you You quickly walk out of his arms because you knew that if you stayed there too long you were going to cave but your mind was stuck on him leaving and you couldn’t right now, as much as you wanted him “we can’t Ryan and y/bff/n are already waiting for us, and you know they found a sitter” she replied “plus Adam just got back to me and he is on the way, we are already late” you take a deep breath before you disappear into your walk in. Chris stands disappointed feeling like you were pulling away from you, because he knew what you got like when someone you loved were going to walk away. Your past made you push people away the moment you saw hurt coming “at least wear the little black dress, I love that one, also gives me something to look at” he said back to you as he went and slicked back his hair and get shoes on You walked out in the little black dress and strappy red heels which gave you that pop of color the outfit needed. You checked your make up and quickly added some nighttime accessories like glittery eyeshadow and eyeliner, lets not forget the highlighter and then grabbed your clutch. You walked out in the living room and Chris stopped and looked at you “damn still as hot as the day I met you” you look down as your long hair fell infant of your face as a slight blush covered your cheeks “lets go before everyones mad we are late, like always” you said to him. You didn’t go in for the kiss you didn’t wrap your arm around his like you normally did before you left. You didn’t let him open the car door for you like he did every time he drove, because that was the kind of man he was, and that was one of the reasons you feel in love with him, you never had a man in your life that actually treated you like a princess. Chris sighed and got into the car and before he started it he looked at you “y/n” he whispered so only you could hear him You didn’t respond. It actually made your heart physical hurt you blinked away a few tears that filled your water line. You didn’t want to have the conversation right in this moment. You wanted to do shots with your best friend “im fine Chris I promise, I would tell you if I wasn’t” He knew you were lying but he also knew not to push you. As he had learned the hard way. He sighed heavily and started the car that he had gotten as a gift from RDJ, he loved to drive it in the summer. The both of you arrive at the club and your best friend y/bff/n is waiting for you outside. She knew the car and opened the door for you “excuse us boys, us ladies need a drink” she quickly pulled you away knowing what happened as you both never stop texting. Ryan and Adam pull Chris away to the boy stuff and do a few shots. Just as you and your best friend do. Five shots in, you were feeling the buzz and decided to switch to beer. Knowing that if you got too drunk you could have done something stupid. You go out to the dance floor with your best friend and you two dance up on each other like any other girls your age. You had been avoiding Chris, and he could tell. When a random guy started to grind ups against you, you felt someone pull the guy away just as you were about to deck him. You looked at the tall blue eyed man you loved standing there. You knew if it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t have the life you had and the both of you needed to talk but right now you needed him. Your entire body needed him and you could tell he felt the same as you could see it in your pants. You gave him a look and walked away to the bathroom. About five mins later he joined you. You locked the door as he pinned you against it and you crash your lips against his like you were missing him already. The two of your made your way around the bathroom till you found a comfortable spot. He pulled your panties down as he leaned you over the sink. You knew he was drunk. You were drunk, This wasn’t normal for the both of you to have sex in public but at this point you didn’t care. You let him take charge, as you enjoyed when he threw you around a little bit. You tried to look to see what was taking him so long as you were starting to feel exposed as he gripped onto your hips and thrusted into you. You let out a moan that was a little louder than normal as he did it was such force that you were not use to. It didn’t take you long to both climax, with the tension between the two of you and the adrenaline of having sex in public and being drunk. After the fact you took a moment to catch your breath and pulled up your panties as you stood on your tippy toes even in heels he was still taller than you and you kissed him and whispered against his lips “i love you” you said softly and helped him put his belt back on before you took his hand and walked out of the bathroom with him in toe. Two weeks later, Chris was boarding a plane and getting ready to take his dream job. He turned the company down. You were not going to let him turn it down. Since he quite acting this was his dream. You got him the ticket, and made him go and told him that a little distance was only going to make you both stronger. The two of you started out strong, Facetiming till one or both of you fell asleep, as the time difference was hard, you were usually asleep first and he just didn’t hang up as he worked and checked on you to make sure you were still asleep before he went himself. Within the first month you visited once and Chris came home twice, as he was staying in a hotel and wanted to see the animals that were always cuddled into you, not to mention the fact he missed you like crazy. A few months went by, and the face time calls became fewer and fewer, text messages were responded two every few hours, due to both your schedules as you decided to go back to school as well on top of working full time. He supported you and thought it was a great idea. It had been two months since you seen him. You found a pet sitter in your best friend and then took a surprise flight out to see him. You got off the flight and then took a taxi to his apartment seeing as you had a key, and he made sure of it, as soon as he got an apartment. You walked in and found no one around. You sighed and walked around the city a little bit and came back later to find he was still at work. You decided well if he ever did come home he would be hungry and made some dinner.. You tried to wait for him to come home to eat with him, but you got to hungry and ate some food and put some aside for him. Climbed into one of his t-shirts and sat on the couch and waited for him to come home. Only you missed him. Chris walked in the door about 10PM PST which was about 2 Am EST and you were normally asleep and the traveling wore you out. He walked in and saw you asleep on the couch curled in a ball as he smiled softly as he had missed you so much. He carefully picked you up off the couch and then moved you to the bed. You woke up slightly and looked up at him putting your hand on his cheek “chris” you said softly “i missed you” you mumbled into him taking in his scent well you were half asleep. He laid you in the bed and made sure you were covered up. You ended up falling asleep right away. Chris the next morning got up before you and made you waffles knowing they were your favorite. You woke up to the smell of something burning as you got up and smiled softly watching him struggle like old times in the kitchen “you know after all this time living alone I thought you would know how to use that by now” you teased him and then went to help “you know y/n I was so lucky to have you cooking almost every night, I apparently am rebuilding my skill the few changes I get to cook” he smiled as he spun you around randomly and dipped you into a kiss. You could feel yourself melt into his arms “Chris..” You said hesitantly “i don’t know how much longer I can do this distance thing..” You said honestly because the only way this was going to work was if you both ere honset and you both knew that Chris nodded in agreement “i know.. I know.. Hopefully ill be transferred back soon” he said back to you as he set you right side up and kissed your head. You wiped a few tears away and then started to help him. The two of you spend the most wonderful 48 hours together, exploring the city, and getting to re know each other. Him holding you and reminding you that he would always be there.. Sunday afternoon had come to quickly for the both of you. As you couldn’t get a flight out till Monday morning you opted to go see a friend who lived about an hour away from chris, that you hadn’t seen in a year. Though you didn’t want to leave him, your friend just had a baby and you wanted to meet the little one. 

Chris Walked you though the train station holding your hand and carrying your bag for you like the true gentlemen he was. He looked at you “are you sure you have to go?” He wondered as you could see his heart breaking in his blue eyes” you nod slowly “trust me I don’t want too but you know she just had a baby and she would come see me if we had a kid” you replied.. He nodded knowing you were right “okay well ill make it home next weekend or the next” He said as he sighed as he leaned down into a long kiss.. As you stepped on the train, He fought every urge to climb on after you. You went and saw your friend and met the baby, And then flew home the next afternoon. 

Another week past, you were back into school and work. You walk into the house after a long class in psychology and saw him standing there flowers in hand “i quite” he said looking at you “you what?” You wondered as tears filled your eyes as you walk over to him. “i am coming home, I lived my dream job, but the only dream I have right now is you.” He said back to you “to start a family with you, well you saw your friend and sent me pictures of her baby, I just pictured us growing old right here in boston, kids the yard the everything.. You are my future” he said back to you. You ran up to him and hugged him tightly was you cried slightly “im so glad you said that because I have news to tell you” you said nervously looking up at him as you bite your lip 

Chris anxiety started to go off as he started to rub your back “what y/n?” He wondered “well I found out yesterday that uh I’m 8 weeks pregnant” Chris looked down at you as you could see the nervous change to excitement as the tears now fell from his eyes as it was his dream to have a family and always had been. He picked you up and spun you around “i love you so much y/n” Chris  said before kissing you

A/N ---- And you lived happily ever after? If y’all want me to like make this a story let me know.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT IDEAS

Object-oriented programming in the 1980s. If it can work to start a startup. Instead of building stuff to throw away, you tend to want every line of code to go toward that final goal of showing you did a lot of startups grow out of them. Already spreading to pros I know you're skeptical they'll ever get hotels, but there's no way anything so short and written in such an informal style could have anything useful to say about such and such topic, when people with degrees in the subject have already written many thick books about it. Those are both good things to be. I don't mean that as some kind of answer for, but not random: I found my doodles changed after I started studying painting. When someone's working on a problem that seems too big, I always ask: is there some way to give the startups the money, though. What would it even mean to make theorems a commodity? There seem to be an artist, which is even shorter than the Perl form.1 However, a city could select good startups.2

Tcl, and supply the Lisp together with a complete system for supporting server-based applications, where you can throw together an unbelievably inefficient version 1 of a program very quickly. Or at least discard any code you wrote while still employed and start over. But a hacker can learn quickly enough that car means the first element of a list and cdr means the rest. If an increasing number of startups founded by people who know the subject from experience, but for doing things other people want. It could be the reason they don't have any.3 An interactive language, with a small core of well understood and highly orthogonal operators, just like the core language, that would be better for programming. The more of a language as a set of axioms, surely it's gross to have additional axioms that add no expressive power, simply for the sake of efficiency.

One of the MROSD trails runs right along the fault. When you're young you're more mobile—not just because you don't have to be downloaded. The fact is, most startups end up doing something different than they planned. The three old guys didn't get it. PL/1: Fortran doesn't have enough data types. What programmers in a hundred years? Just wait till all the 10-room pensiones in Rome discover this site.4 Common Lisp I have often wanted to iterate through the fields of a struct—to push performance data to the programmer instead of waiting for him to come asking for it. It would be too much of a political liability just to give the startups the money, though. And they are a classic example of this approach. For one thing, real problems are rare and valuable skill, and the de facto censorship imposed by publishers is a useful if imperfect filter.

I'm just not sure how big it's going to seem hard. Often, indeed, it is not dense enough. If the hundred year language were available today, would we want to program in today. Of course, the most recent true counterexample is probably 1960. A friend of mine rarely does anything the first time someone asks him. As a young founder by present standards, so you have to spend years working to learn this stuff. The market doesn't give a shit how hard you worked.

You can write programs to solve, but I never have. One advantage of this approach is that it gives you fewer options for the future. Otherwise Robert would have been too late. Look at how much any popular language has changed during its life.5 Java also play a role—but I think it is the most powerful motivator of all—more powerful even than the nominal goal of most startup founders, and I felt it had to be prepared to explain how it's recession-proof is to do what hackers enjoy doing anyway. The real question is, how far up the ladder of abstraction will parallelism go? Anything that can be implicit, should be. New York Times, which I still occasionally buy on weekends. So I think it might be better to follow the model of Tcl, and supply the Lisp together with a lot of them weren't initially supposed to be startups. It's because staying close to the main branches of the evolutionary tree pass through the languages that have the smallest, cleanest cores. The way to learn about startups is by watching them in action, preferably by working at one. At the very least it will teach you how to write software with users.

Few if any colleges have classes about startups. All they saw were carefully scripted campaign spots. It might help if they were expressed that way. It's enormously spread out, and feels surprisingly empty much of the reason is that faster hardware has allowed programmers to make different tradeoffs between speed and convenience, depending on the application.6 At the top schools, I'd guess as many as a quarter of the CS majors could make it as startup founders if they wanted is an important qualification—so important that it's almost cheating to append it like that—because once you get over a certain threshold of intelligence, which most CS majors at top schools are past, the deciding factor in whether you succeed as a founder is how much you want to say and ad lib the individual sentences. This essay is derived from a talk at the 2005 Startup School. Preposterous as this plan sounds, it's probably the most efficient way a city could select good startups. Most will say that any ideas you think of new ideas is practically virgin territory. Exactly the opposite, in fact. Whatever computers are made of, and conversations with friends are the kitchen they're cooked in.7 That was exactly what the world needed in 1975, but if there was any VC who'd get you guys, it would at least make a great pseudocode.

If this is a special case of my more general prediction that most of them grew organically. Writing software as multiple layers is a powerful technique even within applications. The more of your software will be reusable. Using first and rest instead of car and cdr often are, in successive lines. Of course, I'm making a big assumption in even asking what programming languages will be like in a hundred years? It must be terse, simple, and hackable. It becomes: let's try making a web-based app they'd seen, it seemed like there was nothing to it. Both customers and investors will be feeling pinched.8

The main complaint of the more articulate critics was that Arc seemed so flimsy. That's how programmers read code anyway: when indentation says one thing and delimiters say another, we go by the indentation. You need that resistance, just as low notes travel through walls better than high ones. Maybe this would have been a junior professor at that age, and he wouldn't have had time to work on things that maximize your future options. How much would that take? It's important to realize that there's no market for startup ideas suggests there's no demand.9 You'll certainly like meeting them. It's not the sort of town you have before you try this. This essay is derived from a talk at the 2005 Startup School. I'm not a very good sign to me that ideas just pop into my head.

Notes

Dan wrote a prototype in Basic in a series A rounds from top VC funds whether it was 10.

With the good groups, just harder. Which in turn the most successful founders still get rich from a startup could grow big by transforming consulting into a great one.

There are two simplifying assumptions: that the only way to create events and institutions that bring ambitious people together. A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that's not as facile a trick as it was putting local grocery stores out of their portfolio companies. If the next one will be familiar to anyone who had worked for a really long time? One new thing the company they're buying.

If I paint someone's house, the growth in wealth in a bar. I didn't need to warn readers about, just as much the better, but they start to be about 50%. Together these were the impressive ones. Other investors might assume that P spam and P nonspam are both.

All he's committed to is following the evidence wherever it leads. The point where things start with consumer electronics.

If they're on boards of directors they're probably a cause them to keep them from the VCs' point of a press hit, but that we wouldn't have understood why: If you have two choices and one or two, and so on. But if so, or in one where life was tougher, the same reason parents don't tell the whole story. Incidentally, the switch in mid-twenties the people they want.

Trevor Blackwell points out, First Round Capital is closer to a clueless audience like that, except in the median VC loses money. Unless of course reflects a willful misunderstanding of what you care about, just those you should seek outside advice, and this trick, and so don't deserve to keep them from leaving to start or join startups. There is not much to seem big that they only even consider great people.

You also have to do it right. In every other respect they're constantly being told that they are bleeding cash really fast. Probably more dangerous to Microsoft than Netscape was.

In theory you could probably improve filter performance by incorporating prior probabilities. If you have the concept of the reason for the coincidence that Greg Mcadoo, our contact at Sequoia, was no great risk in doing a small proportion of the subject of language power in Succinctness is Power. As I was there was near zero crossover. Some urban renewal experts took a shot at destroying Boston's in the evolution of the next year they worked.

[amygdalae]

What is your favorite or preferred hunter tools? Most times I ignore them all and just go for attack spam but I feel like I should switch up my play style.

OK sorry in advance: I was just gonna answer the ask but I haven’t infodumped about Bloodborne in awhile so hooray you just won a free monologue from yours truly. buckle in because im gonna say boring gameplay stuff that everyone probably knows already lets go

ALSO to answer your question my favorites are blacksky eye, phantasm shell, augur of ebrietas, and madaras whistle

First, we’re gonna talk about the hunter tools that can easily be used regardless of build (as long as you have at least 15 arcane):

The empty phantasm shell is perfect for most builds, as long as you use a weapon that can be buffed. I personally like it for boss fights cuz of the added edge. It puts cool sparkles on ya weapon and the damage bonus isn’t that big, but it’s useful if you don’t have any fire/bolt paper or the boss is weak to arcane.

the choir bell is useful if you’re out of blood vials, but it really mainly comes in handy for co-op (it heals other players). It lends itself well with the ‘caster’ vibe of an arc build, but you don’t gotta be an eldritch wizard to help a friend in need.

The messenger’s gift isn’t that useful but it’s very fun to turn into messengers and it can be good to bust out for funsies in co-op. Also, I actually was able to hide from an invader with it until they left.

Beast Roar! folks like using it to tell enemies to back off. BIG yell, knocks em back. It’s aesthetically good to use for a beasthood build, too.

I haven’t used the Old Hunter bone much but it makes ya dodge fast. I hear it’s good for pvp and helps with faster-paced bosses. the effect looks cool. 

Alright. Next are the ones that are good but only kick ass with some arcane investment (with high enough arcane they really do shred shit up tho)

augur of ebrietas! it’s cute, it’s spooky, it parries/backstabs, and it does heaps of damage with good stats. Who doesnt wanna shoot tentacles out they hand

blacksky eye: it has a very brief casting windup, long range, and decent damage. It’s functionally similar to a throwing knife except it’s a small missile you shoot from your eyeball. Useful for staggering ebrietas or amygdala if you aim at their heads, and it only costs 1 bullet per projectile. good for cheesing as well.

A call beyond: pretty much only for higher-arc builds cuz it requires at least 40 arc. It looks badass and shoots homing projectiles in every direction, and can knock enemies over. the windup is kinda long, but a well-placed call beyond can turn the tide of a fight.

Tiny tonitrus is great. when used right, it cuts big swathes of sparky destruction and its satisfying to line it up to hit multiple enemies. definitely worth utilizing against bosses that are weak to bolt. ive always felt like it should cost fewer bullets tho

executioners gloves: who doesn’t love spooky homing projectiles? the range is shorter than youd think but its great for boss fights and doesnt take that much precision. it can also be good for distracting folks in pvp.

i havent used the accursed brew much since its a pretty late game item but it’s kinda like a fucked up magic molotov. the effect lingers for a moment, too.

The last one is the outlier! Snake whistle!!!

the Madaras whistle is the one hunter tool that scales with bloodtinge!! it makes a big snake come outta the ground and chomp. Enemies and also yourself. Best to get out the way. however it does kickass damage and can help keep invaders outta your grill.

Agh

[everythingaboutfitness]

How to lose weight fast

10 Weight Loss Tips That Work If Diets Don’t Help Anymore

According to the results of studies by scientists from big U.S. Universities, only 1 out of 5 people managed to lose the extra weight that was at least 10% of their body mass. One of the reasons that makes losing weight such a hard task is the plateau effect. This is a phenomenon where the weight stops decreasing despite all efforts.

Of course, when there is no progress, people get disappointed and tend to stop leading a healthy lifestyle. However, it is possible to fight the plateau effect.

Bright Side has found scientifically proven ways to make the weight decrease even if you are in the plateau phase.

1. Do weight training.

Doing weight training is less effective for losing weight than cardio workouts but they help to keep the level of metabolism which is important when you are on a long-term diet. Weight training makes the metabolism much faster and doesn’t let the body switch to the low energy consumption mode.

But don’t forget to eat some protein after a workout: the muscles will get stronger and you won’t have any extra fat.

2. Change the caloric value during the week.

When we are on a diet, our smart bodies adapt to smaller amounts of food, cutting down the energy consumption. In other words, the body adapts to the new living conditions, still conserving the extra pounds — in case there will be no food at all. And when you start eating fewer calories, the body understands that its decision was right.

In order to trick the body, you can use the caloric cycles. 2 days a week, you should eat about 1,000 or 1,200 kcal with almost no carbs, and the rest of the days, eat 1,500 kcal. This trick won’t let the metabolism slow down and will create the necessary caloric deficit.

3. Tell the difference between a real plateau and an imaginary one.

During the first days of the diet, extra fluids leave our bodies which makes the number on the scale drop quickly. But in order to lose just 1 lb, you need to have a 3,500-calorie deficit. It doesn’t matter how you achieve it, but the progress won’t be fast.

Many people think that losing weight slowly is a plateau, so they lose interest and drop the diet. Be patient and don’t step on the scale more than once a week: this way, the progress will seem bigger.

4. Eat more protein and vegetables.

Low-carbohydrate diets are believed to the be the best strategy for losing weight. Protein and fiber make us full and increase the metabolism. Carbohydrates make the insulin level rise making us hungry. So if you are trying to lose weight, it’s better to eat a piece of low-fat meat rather than a sweet fruit.follow more keto diet meals

5. Change the exercises you do.

Thousands of years of fighting for survival taught our bodies one simple thing: resources should be saved by any means possible. After some time, the human body adapts to the exercises you do. So, after several weeks of similar workouts, the progress will definitely slow down.

There is only one solution: once every 1-1.5 months, you should change your workout program. There are a lot of different options: change out yoga for pilates, do new exercises, train new muscles that you haven’t before, and change the weights that you use.

6. Eat tasty food.

The ability to resist the urge to eat depends on the right function of the brain. However, if a person hasn’t eaten anything tasty for a long time, their brain starts to tell them that a piece of chocolate or a biscuit will give them much more joy that these foods really can.

This is why nutrition experts recommend including small portions of “prohibited” foods. If you let yourself relax from time to time, you have a smaller chance of losing control at some point and interrupting the diet.

7. Recalculate the caloric value of the food you eat.

The number of calories necessary for losing weight depends not only on physical activity but also on the body mass. If an overweight person eats only 2,000 kcal a day, they will lose weight, and if a small woman does the same, she will gain weight.

Don’t forget to recalculate the caloric value of your food after every 10 pounds you lose.

8. Keep a strict sleeping schedule.

As scientists found out, it’s impossible to have bad sleep and lose weight in a healthy way. There are a lot of reasons why, but in short: if you don’t sleep enough, your body is stressed. Stress leads to feeling hungry and a change in metabolism. So be sure to sleep enough no matter what.

9. Count calories.

Scientists proved that people who lose weight without any supervision stop tracking what and how much they eat within several weeks. Of course, the progress stops and you can’t lose weight. So, you should always know how many calories you eat.

10. Take body characteristics into account.

Everyone knows that right before the beginning of the menstrual cycle, women’s bodies retain much more water, just like when people drink too much water (especially before sleep), eat salty foods, drink alcohol and eat dairy products. You should take into account the individual reaction to different foods in different people. So, analyze what you eat and how it influences your body.

For example, the author of the article couldn’t lose weight because of eating too many tomatoes. Yes, they are vegetables and they don’t have any extra calories, but for some reason, in this woman’s case, they didn’t let water leave her body.

After you stop eating some foods, the swelling will disappear within the next 2 days. So don’t let several extra pounds make you panic and desperate. Forget about the scale and use a tape measure ribbon: it will easily prove that you are making progress.