#its nothing to do with christopher being in any better of a situation

[johnconstantinekissesmen]

oh eddie

[gibuckaroo]

Buck has never been picked last in any group games he was ever part of.

Of course, he hasn’t. Buck goes above and beyond to please his peers, he makes himself big enough he doesn’t go unnoticed, he tries hard to make his name known, and he picks up every little thing to make people know he’s there and he listens and he’d be good to have on their team.

He may not always be the first choice, and that’s a cross that he has to bear—no one likes anybody who tries too hard, anyway. But it also means at some point, somebody will choose him because it’s better to be the one doing something, than nothing at all.

So, he had surface level relationships with the people at school. At home he’s always been invisible and he has learned to accept that—it’ll always be his reality with his parents no matter how hard he tries, doesn’t matter if he empties himself, doesn’t matter if he scrubs his skin dry, doesn’t matter if he tries.

When he met the 118, somehow, he kept being chosen. Even if it was in the more idiotic situations—he was being chosen. First, even, at times. They even made him feel that he didn’t need to try that hard anymore.

Then came Eddie.

And Christopher.

And for them, Buck didn’t even need to try at all.

Doesn’t mean he stopped, but he felt like he didn’t need to anymore. For the first time, he felt how warmth spread around his chest at the conscious decision of being chosen time and time again. It can be a hang out with Eddie, or being at the zoo with Chris, or asking to bake a dozen cupcakes, or just being there to taste whatever Eddie was trying in the kitchen.

He was the first.

He was the only one.

He was their emergency contact, their one call away friend, their runner, their best friend. Both of them. Especially Eddie.

Eddie who keeps his heart on his sleeve, who has walls around him that Buck has moved and pushed to the side with him, who took his time to show Buck every skeleton he has kept in his closet, who has peeled away layers of himself to show Buck.

It took years, and he has tried, and it is worth it.

Eddie chose him. Eddie chooses him. Buck feels chosen. Eddie finds him irreplaceable. Eddie finds him important. Buck rejoices.

This is how it feels like, he thinks, to be the first pick.

But then Eddie is leaning on another person, laugh ringing throughout the fire house, smile crinkling at his eyes and hasn’t it taken him a while to get that out of him?

And suddenly Eddie is saying no, and Eddie is saying wait, and Eddie is saying maybe.

Eddie has never been reluctant with him. Not for a long while.

And he remembers the first steps Eddie took here, in his house, in his home, how sure he was, how comfortable to cement his place in the heart of who Buck was? How he abhorred it, how he welcomed it just as fast.

He looks at Tommy now beside Eddie and how he abhors it. How he took his first steps—sure and comfortable and confident in Buck’s house, Buck’s home, in the heart of who he has in Eddie?

He takes notes of the similarities, of the easy banter that flows, of the stories they exchange, of how they fit so seamlessly without trying.

Buck tried for Eddie, and it worked. But he tried and worked, and it seems like Tommy doesn’t need to, seems like Eddie has welcomed him in spaces Buck tried so long to see without even asking.

And for a very long time; Buck feels like that elementary kid again waiting to be picked at dodgeball, knowing how hard he worked at PE so the other kids noticed how good he was, and only being chosen on the fifth call.

And he feels something wedge itself in the crevices of his chest, sharp and wicked and painful. He can feel it drip its slimy thorns in his flesh, poking and pushing him to snap, to explode.

If Eddie was to open him, he’d find his lungs green and beating his name. If Eddie was to open him, his ribcage would cradle him in, would house his body under Buck’s skin—he’s afraid he won’t let him out again. He’s afraid Eddie might let him go.

He’s afraid Eddie might not be choosing him this time.

People flee Buck.

People see how much he tries, and they don’t like anybody who tries that hard, anyway. It was only a matter of time. He should have known it was inevitable.

But he had hoped Eddie was different.

He hoped he was different to Eddie.

He thought that Eddie has carved a space for him right beside him, only meant for the shape of his head and the curve of his arms and the weight of his back. He thought Eddie has made him a room in his home, in his mind, in his heart.

He thought that was his space alone.

But there seems to be a new occupant, and it’s eating Buck alive.

[mystery-moose]

EYO THE OSCAR NOMS ARE OUT

Let’s discuss!

BEST PICTURE: I've seen four of the ten nominees this year! Not a bad score for me. Of the remainder I am very interested in American Fiction, Anatomy of a Fall, and Past Lives. American Fiction in particular got Jeffrey Wright a Best Actor nomination! I love Jeffrey Wright! He deserves more recognition! Any film that can get him that has gotta be worth something.

Of the ones I’ve seen… I’d probably select Killers of the Flower Moon as the best? It’s a hard watch, but the craft on display at every level is exceptional. If not that, then… I dunno, maybe Barbie? The Holdovers is a safe choice, it’s a great movie, but there’s almost nothing… surprising about it. Barbie is CONSTANTLY surprising! But it’s also a madcap comedy bathed in metaphor so… man I don’t know!

Regardless, I wouldn’t pick Oppenheimer. Not to disrespect it, I genuinely believe it to be a very interesting film that’s compelling to watch, and as always Christopher Nolan’s ability to make weird-ass films with experimental structures popular with a mass audience is worthy of tremendous respect. But its pacing is rushed, its script is sometimes awkward to the point of parody, and I just don’t know that it’s saying or doing anything THAT interesting or enlightening about the real people involved or about people or history in general. Y’know?

BEST DIRECTOR: Nothing but Best Picture nominees here, which makes sense. Pretty blown away that Alexander Payne didn't get a nom here for The Holdovers. Not blown away at all that Greta Gerwig didn't get one for Barbie, despite that whole thing clearly being her baby. A real Streisand situation here, I'd say! "Eight nominations on the shelf, did this film direct itself?" Regardless of who wins (or even who I think deserves to!) I'd definitely say Gerwig got snubbed here.

BEST ACTOR: All best picture nominees here, save for Colman Domingo for Rustin. Had never heard of this film before, because it's a Netflix film and they always bury all their work, but it's about a civil rights activist so that makes... how many years that the Academy has included one of these in a Best Actor/Actress context? Selma, Harriet, Judas and the Black Messiah. I'm sure Colman Domingo gives a good performance, just noting that the Academy loves to nominate these for acting awards and not honor them in most any other way. (Hey, Jeffrey Wright's in that movie too! Good year for him!)

Bradley Cooper's here too. I don't think I like him very much! I've never disliked him really, but I've never loved his performance either. But the Academy seems to, since he's been nominated... TWELVE TIMES? Holy SHIT no wonder I wasn't surprised to see his name. Never won one, though. He keeps this up, maybe they'll throw him a pity one like they did for DiCaprio. Then again, I don't think Cooper assigns as much value to it as Leo did -- or at least, it doesn't feel like it. I care so little about Bradley Cooper! I don't follow his personal journey very closely! He's fine, I guess!

As a fan, I'd LOVE to see Jeffrey Wright take it, even though I haven't seen his movie. Of the ones I have, Cillian Murphy is very good in Oppenheimer, no question, but I've gotta give it to my man Paulie G. Dude is an incredibly talented actor with a non-traditional look who's done great work for decades and deserves a big win. He's fantastic in Holdovers too! It's a layered, funny, incredibly natural performance that he just falls into. Not particularly showy, which lowers his chances for a win, but to me (and most sensible folks) that makes it a better performance, so there, nyeh!

BEST ACTRESS: I haven't seen four of these but if they don't give it to Lily Gladstone they've fucked up. Sorry, other nominees, that's all there is to it. Also, where the fuck is Margot Robbie? She's incredible in Barbie! If I get to Supporting Actor and Ryan Gosling is there, this is misogyny.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: This is misogyny!! But I'd love for Gosling to win for this. It'd be his first, and for a role like this that'd be hilarious. That being said it's still a tremendous performance! His commitment to the role both on-screen and off is clear, he's having a ball throughout, and he does his own dancing! God, I just wanna see his speech.

That being said, he has some extremely stiff competition. De Niro continues his golden year renaissance with an excellent performance of a very evil man in Killers of the Flower Moon, and Downey Jr. is so good in Oppenheimer that it took me a couple minutes and a scene transition to realize it was him at all! Also Sterling K. Brown and Mark Ruffalo are here! I like both those guys! If I had to pick one that I've seen that isn't Gosling? Probably Downey Jr. If I gave Oppenheimer one award, it would be this one.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I like all these actresses, I think America Ferrera is very good in Barbie, and Jodie Foster has been doing great work lately, but this award belongs to Da'Vine Joy Randolph. She takes a character that could be one note in The Holdovers and invests them with so much life and complexity and history. I still think about that movie in part because of her, and because she made choices that made that character feel more authentic. It's maybe the most I've been impressed by an actress in a good long while, frankly! She deserves this one! Don't fuck it up, Academy! (but I know you will)

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: All Best Picture nominees, save for a movie called May December... because it's a Netflix film, of course. God, they sure do make a lot of award-worthy films I never ever hear about, huh! Wild how that happens! (Did you even know a new Spy Kids movie came out this year? Of course you didn't! It was on Netflix!)

I haven't seen four of these, but heard good things about Past Lives. I do really love The Holdovers though! Unless one of the others really knocks my socks off, I'd be comfortable with that winning here.

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Oppenheimer does not deserve this. I'm sorry, maybe it's a failure of editing, but the pacing on this thing is too breakneck. Maybe that's a failure of editing more than screenplay, though. Then again, the dialogue itself is uh... often pretty blunt and borderline silly, in that Nolan sort of way! So, y'know!

I'd love to see Barbie win it. It's so fucking funny, and occasionally vibrating with pathos. But I haven't seen the others, and they might rule, actually! American Fiction might be great! I'm looking forward to finding out when it hits digital!

ANIMATED FEATURE: I still think we probably shouldn't cordon these off into their own category, but then so few would get nominated for anything, so let's just live in the world we have, huh? The Boy and the Heron is a Miyazaki film, so that automatically makes it a contender, though I've heard some mixed things about it. Nimona is a dark horse that I remember having some buzz around it earlier this year, and Robot Dreams is a sad movie about a robot so it's automatically a movie I vibe with! Elemental... exists! (Why in the hell was this nominated and not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem?! Why of all things did THAT get snubbed?!)

But we all know this belongs to Across the Spider-Verse. It might not be a complete narrative, but purely on visual spectacle alone, it should win. It is, without question, the wildest eyeball experience I've ever had watching a movie, finally dethroning the previous occupiers, the Wachowskis' Speed Racer and the animated film Redline. It is constantly visually surprising and experimental, to the point that much like its predecessor I don't know how they fucking did some of the stuff they did. It's not the out-of-nowhere immediate game-changer that its predecessor was, and it might not have the immediate influence on an entire genre in the same way... but I think it pushes the medium even further! I can't wait to see what other movies look like in the future because of it.

(also the production sounds like it was a nightmare, animators deserve more pay and more respect, unionize, etc.)

PRODUCTION DESIGN: I mean, of all the things about Napoleon, how it looked was the absolute best of them. I wouldn't be too upset if it won... except I would, because Barbie. I mean, come on. COME ON. This one's a gimme. (Though why is The Creator not here? I know it was a pretty bad movie, but the design? Absolutely impeccable vibes!)

COSTUME DESIGN: I mean. Barbie. Did you see Ken's outfits?

CINEMATOGRAPHY: This is my nerd-ass award I care about. I've liked Hoyte van Hoytema's work in the past, and if Oppenheimer won this I wouldn't think it a complete miscarriage of justice -- it's got some really great images in it. But to me this is Flower Moon's award to lose. I haven't seen the others, but I don't know that anything else is going to match that. It's not too showy, but it is pretty damn impeccable.

There are also movies that I think got snubbed here, like John Wick 4 (yes I'm serious) and Sisu (again, I'm serious) and The Killer. Heck, they didn't even nominate The Holdovers here, and that movie leans into its period setting by aping the cinematography of films from that period! That's neat!

EDITING: That Oppenheimer is here is more proof the Academy doesn't know what good editing is. I mean, if you isolated a couple scenes of that movie, there IS great editing there! And even structurally, I think it makes some bold choices that should be rewarded! But as a whole, I didn't feel like I had time to breathe during a scene, and most of that is down to Nolan always choosing to cut or transition too soon. Sometimes it's even a matter of seconds! But those seconds matter! They're the difference between me feeling like I'm moving through a room and feeling like I'm being hurried through a room, y'know what I mean?

I'd probably go with Flower Moon here, but Holdovers has a lovely, languid pace to it and some very funny cuts, so I'm leaning in that direction too. Haven't seen the others!

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING: How is Barbie not here?! What the hell kind of award show is this?! (A Bad one, we all know this.)

SOUND: (This used to be two awards, one for sound mixing and one for sound editing, and on a technical level those are two very different skills, but whatever, Academy!)

This is one I think that Oppenheimer will probably take, because it does some cool things with sound a few times. But it's also one that I think The Creator might actually deserve. Some really killer sound in that film, right up there with its production design -- which it should have gotten a nomination for! Also, Mission: Impossible dark horse, just to give it something. Because I love those movies, even if this year's was maybe my fourth-favorite Mission: Impossible movie that still makes it better than most movies!

VISUAL EFFECTS: It's kind of a long-shot, but I'm pulling for Godzilla Minus One here. Guardians looked good, The Creator looked good (it's about all it did) and I absolutely adore and respect the commitment to practical stunts and car chases and effects in Mission: Impossible and it should get all the recognition possible for throwing a real train off a real cliff... but c'mon. It's Godzilla. And by all accounts, it does so much with so little, at least in terms of budget. It's a movie directed by a guy who previously supervised visual effects! Of course it was gonna look good! That it looks that good at that budget though? Might be enough to get it the big win. Here's to hoping! It'd be nice to see a movie that cost about ten million dollars be recognized as having better visual effects than a movie that cost... two hundred and fifty million Jesus Christ what are you doing Disney.

ORIGINAL SCORE: Be neat to see Indiana Jones take this one! Good score, nice but not too reverent. But I don't have particularly strong feelings this like I have in previous ones. Don't remember many movie scores from this year, nothing's made it into my playlist beyond a couple Mission: Impossible tracks, certainly nothing's impressed me as much as something like The Batman's score or anything.

ORIGINAL SONG: Two songs from Barbie here, one from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie (yes it's real and yes it's historically inaccurate!) and one from... Killers of the Flower Moon. Uh oh. Uh oh! I was all ready to be ride or die for "I'm Just Ken" (and to be clear if it won I wouldn't object) but that song in Flower Moon and how it hits at the end... well. It should probably win, is what I'm saying. Even if it's not the fun choice. Be nice to see it performed, at least. These will all be great performances, probably!

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: I haven't seen any of these! I usually don't until at least year or two after the fact! Just how I end up watching documentaries, usually. It'll probably be the one about Ukraine, though. Not necessarily because it's the best one, but because the Academy likes to think that making picks like that is somehow activism. (Also can you believe that's still happening? Ukrainian sovereignty, end the war, etc.)

INTERNATIONAL FEATURE: Haven't seen any of these, but heard good things about Society of the Snow. Zone of Interest is a best picture nominee, so odds are that'll be the one that wins. Surprised a Japanese film got in here but it's not Godzilla! Damn! Was hoping for a dark horse win for Big G!

ANIMATED SHORT: Never seen 'em!

DOCUMENTARY SHORT: Most of the short documentaries I watch are on Youtube these days!

LIVE ACTION SHORT: Good for all these people who got nominated!

THAT'S IT hoo boy the Oscars, huh. This year's a bit of a dull one, nothing that I'm really excited about winning anything outside of like, Barbie. Killers of the Flower Moon definitely deserves a lot of awards, but how many it'll get remains to be seen. Also I just realized DiCaprio didn't score a nomination for his part in that! Just Lily Gladstone! Haha! Good! (Though I do think DiCaprio's work has improved noticeably after he finally got his stupid Oscar. Almost like he stopped trying so hard and that made his performances feel more natural! Wild!)

Anyway, next year I'm gonna be stumping hard for Dune 2 so. Be prepared for that.

[foreignobjecticus]

Full House (UK 1985) vagueish review that waffles on too long. TL;DR: Watch it if you like Christopher Strauli being a DARLING BABY, but otherwise you’re not missing much.

Watched this one for Christopher Strauli and he’s cute as all hell in it but the overall theme of the show is grating, bordering on unwatchably outdated. Series 1 is by far the best where they’re just establishing the characters and having vaguely odd-couple-like situations, whereas S2 is a bit of a transition phase to S3′s basically constant baby-themed episodes. While not unenjoyable, it got very same samey by mid-S2, with S3 being exactly what you’d predict, although it’s S2E1 that’s called Baby Talk, and from that episode on, the theme just grows.

Overall, the show’s INCREDIBLY dated in almost all of its dialogue, the character interplay, and visuals. Paul (Strauli) and his wife Marsha are the “proper” married couple, and Murray and Diana are the shacked up couple. Diana spends all of S1 trying to get Murray to marry her. 90% of conversations either revolve around staid marriage jokes (all of which are, of course, dripping in traditional roles of the time I suppose), or once they’re married, it’s immediately and constantly about having babies.

(Side note: apparently Strauli was 39 in this. No. Fucking. WAY. Whereas his wife was played by an actress who was 31? I have a feeling the IMDB is wrong. That can’t possibly be right.)

Anyway, my point is they’re portrayed as quite young couples, probably in their late 20s (unless it was said explicity, but I don’t recall so). Idk. Personally, as a person around their portrayed ages, watching them struggle to afford things and exist in a world that was, adjusted for XYZ, markedly more accessible than it is to people my age today, driven nothing short of blindly by rigid gender roles and nuclear family expectations... nearly nothing of the show is relatable to me as a modern audience member. Murray, the struggling artist, is the closest we get to someone resembling a modern relatable character, but he’s just as steeped in sexism, smoking, and a societally acceptable level of irresponsibility that I can’t bring myself to see him as all that much better than the others. And lastly, but by no means least, is the way in which the show reinforces all these “traditional” values with zero room or regard for the kind of change that was actually being seen at the time of writing and filming. The incident that stands out most to me is Marsha sitting down with her husband Paul and complaining about her boss feeling her up. She complains about sexual harrassment from her boss to her husband, and the only thing we get out of it is Paul very calmly asking if she’s complained and Marsha replying (paraphrased), “I can’t complain---some of the other girls like it!“ Cue laugh track.

At the end of the day, only Christopher Strauli made it for me. Without him, I wouldn’t have watched through to the end, and the only thing that got me to do S3 at all was the fact that the episodes are only approx. 24 mins long. I DID enjoy S1 because it had variety and wasn’t entirely about incredibly rigid gender roles, but overall it’s only a show I’d ever watch again if I wanted to get the characters in mind when reading or writing a fic. A fix-it fic. Definitely with an AV-stand in character like the single author for the fandom on AO3 has done (go check out the works! I won’t mention a name here but click here for the fandom list). I didn’t hate the show by any means---it is funny, and they do manage a good amount of jokes that don’t fall into the categories I’ve listed above, but overall it’s a comfort show comedy; it doesn’t challenge any of its contemporary issues at all, it doesn’t try to stand out in any way, and from everything else I’ve said above, it means it’s dug itself into this niche that’s aged terribly and (in my opinion) very likely alienated itself from modern audiences due to the way it maintains and reinforces strict gender norms, period-typical LGBTQIA+phobia (I didn’t mention the few episodes that cover the topic, but you can imagine the same old same old there), and fails to do anything that hasn’t been done better in other shows before or since. That being said, the main actors are decent overall, their personalities aren’t insufferable, the extras are generally quite good too, the sets reflect a decent budget, and the humour that hasn’t soured is quite amusing.

TL;DR: Watch it if you like Christopher Strauli being a DARLING BABY, but otherwise you’re not missing much.

(Fun fact: someone’s put 1830 stills up on IMDB for this show, which is SUPER impressive.)

[youn9racha]

Cold Face

Requested by: Anon

Pairing: Chanxfem!reader

Words: 4.6k words

Genre: Smut with a slight angst

Synopsis: already ticked off by how close (y/n) is to thr boys, after jisung tried to feed them some food, its is up to chan to put (y/n) in place.

Warning: jealous!chan (yes its a warning), dom!chan, sub!reader, fingering (fem receiving), oral sex (fem receiving), unprotected penetrated sex (wrap it up kids!!), edging, overstimulation, mentions of daddy.

Extra Notes: it feels like forever i’ve been writing lmfao, my bad its just if you checked my ella’s ramblingzz then you would know that i have started uni and i might disappear outta nowhere. but please don’t stop requesting, i can’t guarantee that i‘ll do it at a short time, but i’ll for sure work on it. also i want to thank you anon for the request. i’ll quit rambling and i hope you enjoy it !! also this is long as fuck wtf—

———————————————————————————

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

———————————————————————————

“You really think you’re so funny, don’t you, baby girl?”Chan harshly whispered to you, as he pinned you into the bed using his hands to wrap your wrist and situated between your head, while you just looked down in shame and slight arousal with your legs shaking.

‘What lead up to this?’ some might ask, what lead up for the sweet, caring of a boyfriend named Christopher Chan Bang to get mad at his precious girlfriend? He loves his girlfriend too much and, more often than not, he lets his girlfriend off the hook, so why is he right now looking with full malice and lust at you?

Well, it started when you were at the company building. Intially, you brought snacks for him and the boys since they’ve worked so hard for their comeback that your gut was telling you that like they weren’t taking care of themselves, especially Chris. You were fairly really close to the members, but you were mainly close to the two members that is often seen producing with Chan, aka Changbin and Jisung, and putting an emphasis on Jisung, as you were the closest to him out of the two.

Despite his introverted semblance, it was safe to say that Jisung has warmed up to you pretty quickly, which satisfied Chan, as seeing you interacting with the rest of the boys, whom he affectionately dubs as his kids, in a positive way and being friends with them gave him a warm, endearing feeling inside him. Chan adores and trusts you and the boys all too much, at times you all jokingly get into fights into winning Chan’s affection. But all in all, Chan was all too happy to see his favorite people getting along.

That is until he saw how much you’ve been getting too involved with the rest of 3racha, better-or worse-yet the rest of the members. Chan isn’t typically jealous, and he knows that your eyes are only set on him and that you proudly proclaim him as your boyfriend. However, you’ve noticed how Chan would give you a certain glare, a glare you’ve never seen him give to you, everytime you were sitting too close to Jisung. When Jisung is out of sight and hearing, you would look at Chan with worry and ask him, “what’s the matter?” to which he would say either ‘it’s fine,’ or shake his head and shrugs it off.

With the days pass, and you keep getting closer to the members and start constantly ask about them. You would bring up any excuse to come up and see them, with the inclusion of Chris of course. However, you have noticed that the more you got closer to the member, the more cold Chan has gotten. He knew that you cared for the members, and he never really stops you from hanging out with them, but he saw how much you’ve been giving them more attention than usual, especially to Jisung.

You got on the elevator to the dance practice room, and once the elevator dings and opens up it’s door, you met up with two familiar faces stopping their tracks once seeing you coming out, with the face holders being Felix and Jeongin. Their faces brightened up upon meeting you as you got out the elevator, “(y/n)! Hey!” Felix exclaimed, as he squeezed your body with a tight hug. You groaned due to the tightness of his hug—he maybe small in frame but don’t underestimate his strength—and lightly giggle, “hey, Lixie!” You said warmly, as he pulled away from me. Your eyes met with Jeongin bright smile, which he extend his arm, “(y/n)!” he said, his embrace was magnetic as you pulled yourself into his arms.

After your greetings, you asked about Chan’s whereabouts, “hey, have you seen Chris? I got us all snacks and I want him and you guys to eat.” You said, picking up your bags, to which both boys’ eyes started sparkle. “Oh my god, you are god sent!” Jeongin excitedly said, to which you shook your head, “oh no, please, you guys work too hard, you deserve to eat.”

The two boys nodded and took the bags out of your hand. You resisted at first, but Felix reassured you that Jeongin and he can carry it, you lifted your eyebrow, “you don’t think I can carry it?” jokingly threatening them, the two young boys widened their eyes at your claim and quickly looked at each other nervously.

“N-no! I-t’s not like that!” Jeongin stammered, nudging Felix for him to speak for him to which he lifted his arm. “We just wanted to help you, its noth—“

”I was playing with you guys, I know you guys wanted to help,” You chuckle making both boys frown, “You’re mean,” Felix pouted, taking one bag from your hand while Jeongin took the other. You found the two boys adorable, they felt like your younger siblings rather than friends. You often played with them, mess around with them, and bicker each other like actual siblings, but it was with full platonic love and endearment.

Following along them, the three of you stood in front of the door of the practice room. You can hear music coming from the room, which could mean that they’re in the middle of practicing. Your guilt began increasing for interrupting their work, but your motherly instincts kicked in when you’ve noticed how much stress the boys were getting into. Particularly with how all of them having a sharp eye and being strong perfectionists, they would sacrifice anything to make their comebacks work the way they want it to be, even with essential needs being put on the line. You shook your head, knowing that, although it‘s not a good idea to interrupt them, it’s for their benefits, especially when you saw how excited Felix and Jeongin was when they saw your bag filled with food.

Felix pushed himself into the door, Jeongin following along and stopping at the door from sliding shut to make way for you. “Hey guys! Guess who came in with food?!” Felix announced excitedly, raising the bag of food. The room only had the group members and no staff was seen, your guilt senses have decrease, since you didn’t want to deal with them scolding you for ruining their unnecessary diet, but you could not care less.

The boys were elated to see you, with all of them, approaching you and hugging you, while Chan stood ther painting that smile of endearment seeing his favorite people at each other. That is that‘s what he likes to think that what he’s doing. While yes, it was a genuine smile of affection, but inside of him was something quite opposite. As bad as he feels for feeling like this, there’s this certain irritation inside of him he couldn’t explain, and it only occurs when he sees you close with the members. He doesn’t understand why he would feel something like this, typically he’s not the jealous type, but seeing you with the way the members touch you, feel you, smell you, look at you even, his thought view changed from something innocent to something unexplainably bad that he finds confusing.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a tight hug wrapped around his torso, he shook his head and looked at the source and sees you nuzzling into him. Those evil thoughts were later put at the side as he smiled softly, and hugged you back. “Hi, baby,” He said, kissing your forehead, as you smiled at him back. There was a groan of disgust in the background from the boys,

“Ew!”

“That’s enough, mom and dad!”

“We really didn’t need to see that!”

”I.N, cover your eyes!”

“Changbin, stop! I am an adult!”

And so much more, as you let go of Chan with a smile, looking at the boys, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder. You laughed at the dramatic bunch, while Chan just shook his head at their action.

They’ve unpacked the food on the ground, the aroma of it has replaced the smell of hard work and sweat, which made them let out an exaggerated “wow!” You and Chan held hands as you both walked at the group and sat down with them. However before he sat, Chan wanted to go get his water bottle refilled, he informed and then held onto your shoulders, “want anything?”

“No, I’m fine,” you smiled at him, as lightly caressed his fingertips, to which he nodded back. He got up and asked the boys the same question, to which all denied, and there he went out. You sat next to Jisung as you all began to feast. While waiting for Chan, you were listening to Minho’s and Hyunjin’s comedic bickering since both kept going back and forth on who’s messed up the dance. You were all laughing at them, you wished Chan was here to listen at their argument. “Why aren’t you eating?” Jisung broke out of your mini trance, and saw that you were barely eating. You didn’t realize that the food was untouched by you, as you were busy interacting with the boys and waiting for Chan.

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” you let out a snickered commented, hopefully easing Jisung‘s concerns. You looked down at your food, and picked up your chopsticks only to see a piece of meat floating in front of you. “Try this! It’s really good!” Jisung offered excitedly with his food placed in front of your face. To say that this action caught you off guard was an understatement, however you saw how Jisung held in an innocent look to his face, waiting for you to eat the piece of meat that is situated between his chopsticks. He put his head to the side, “c’mon, try it!”

After the mini encouragement, you gave in and leaned in to eat his food, to which you excitedly moaned at how good the food is as Jisung nodded at you with a smile. While the gesture was innocent from both ends, Chan did not see it that way when he walked in and sees you eating Jisung’s food. He held into his water bottle harshly and his face switched from a neutral faced to a cold one. Felix was the first to notice his presence, his face also began to switch from elation to intimidation from his end. “Hey, Chan..” Felix nervously said, which made you turn around smiling at your boyfriend. However your smile didn’t last long as Chan looked at you with coldness, he walked in silence and sat down next to you.

Everyone suddenly became silent seeing how the leader did not look pleased, as he quickly began munching down on his food. You broke the silent with a cough, “baby, are you okay?” You tried speaking to him. Usually, the boys would cringe at the way you called Chan a nickname, however with the tension that build in this room, it was a good idea for all not to showcase anything and just eat their food.

Chan, looking down at his food, simply replied with, “yeah, I’m good.” You looked at him confused then back at the members, whom all mirrored the same expression as you. You tried again, “are you sure nothing happened?”

“No, nothing happened,” He spoke after swallowing his food, he then looked up at you with a fake smile, “how about you let Jisung finish feeding your food and then meet me at the house okay?” He said, sarcastically as he dropped his chopsticks, making you and everyone else in the room jumped. You looked at him with an astonished face as he got up and left the room.

Of course, everyone, including yourself, have seen him get mad, however no one has ever seen him getting really mad at you like this, let alone get jealous, so it was a surprise for all of you to see how he is. You got up and left as well, going to find Chan before he leaves to resolve this. Meanwhile the boys sat still shocked about what happened, “do you think they’re gonna be okay?” Jisung broke the mini silence to ask as he felt guilty about all this. Minho responded with, “they’ll be fine.”

“How can you be sure? Chan has never been this mad at her before and I feel really bad! I don’t want him to think I was flirting with her or anything, I see her as my siste—“ Jisung began to ramble until Minho interrupted, “Hannie, we both know that Chan isn’t gonna leave (y/n) just like that, he’s a grown man, he’ll for sure talk to her about this,”

”Yeah, and besides we all know that Chan’s doing this to get her attention,” He added, which made everyone looked at him with a confused expression. “What do you mean?” Jisung asked.

Minho snickered, “c’mon, you guys haven’t realized that she starte to show up less for Chan and more for us? especially for pretty anime boy right over there?” he said, pointing at Jisung at the last sentence with his head. “It’s obviously clear that he’s jealous,” Minho was making sense despite being very nonchalant and eating his food. It’s like as if he’s been studying everyone’s moves, which could creep anyone out, but he used it for his benefit. They don’t call him Lee Know for nothing.

“How can you be so sure though, Mr. Lee?” Hyunjin scoffed at him. Minho looked at Jeongin for a second then back down at his food, “let us just say that if Chan used the ‘(y/n) is too tired to come and visit’ excuse, then you know they’ve resolved everything.”

”Minho, I am literally twenty years old, just say they’re gonna have hard sex and go,” Jeongin bluntly respond, which made everyone widened their eyes with surprise, except for Minho, who simply snapped his head up at him, and Seungmin, “I’m talking about them going on a road trip, you imbecile!”

“Oh, we all know that you meant something else,” Seungmin came in with defense. As the chaos commenced, Jisung zoned out into his thoughts. Maybe Minho was right, maybe Chan was just jealous and he just wanted your attention. But whatever assumptions it was, he hoped there’s a positive resolution for the both of you.

~~ ”Chan! Chan!“ You yelled out his name as you both walked out the building and onto the garage parking lot. Chan was walking ahead of you, ignoring your calls for his name as he went to where his car was located. As his walks was getting faster, you began running after him. His walks stopped when he reached his car and you held onto his arms, you flipped him around he looked at you. His face was stone ice at you, there wasn‘t a single emotion showcasing in his face, which terrified you. You backed away slightly in fear if you say anything that could trigger him. You don’t necessarily think he would do anything to hurt you physically, but it’s best with the small distance part to be on the safer side.

He didn’t say anything, so you opted to speak up. You sighed, “Channie, talk to me,” you were frowning at his lack of expression and response, “please tell me, what’s wrong?” your voice was hushed but it was screaming with sadness, you know he was upset, which resulted in you being upset as well. Your law of distance broke when you decided to held onto his arm, “c’mon, Channie, speak to me.” Your eyes were slowly spilling with tears.

He sighs at his sight of you crying, “just get in the damn car,” He spat out and began walking into his car, making you let go of him and following him. On your way back home, you still continued with your pleads, only to get no response coming out of him. After realizing that you won’t get anything, you sighed and looked away from him. You don’t see him, nor do you know, but Chan keeps looking at you then back on the road, it was like he was keeping an eye on you and examining you. He just inhaled and exhaled through his nose as his hands were on the wheel.

As you arrived home and got into your complex, Chan walked into the bedroom and you followed along, “Chan, please!“ Your pleads resumed, hoping this time you’ll hear him speak. You reached the bedroom door, expecting him to close the door at your face, he instead grabbed you and harshly pinned you into the door, after closing it. You gasped at his action, not daring to look at him.

“You wanna hear me speak? I’ll speak,” He said in a low voice, which gave you goosebumps. “Look at me,” He commanded, but you didn’t do as he says due to your intimidation. He held your jaw and forced you to look at him, which made you widened your eyes at him, “I said look at me!” He said, slightly louder. “O-okay” You stammered back at him.

“Good,“ he nodded, his hand was still in your jaw, making you look at him. You examined his face, his expressionless eyes had a dangerous cocktail in them, it was a mixture of both anger and lust, and you gulped with intimidation at him. To say that he looked mad wasn’t enough, he not only looked mad, but he looked even more attractive than what he is, which something bubbled inside your stomach after seeing his state.

“I’ll tell you what happened,” He lets put the fakest smile at you, which set even more fear and arousal into you, “I went to go get my waterbottle refilled at water cooler, and when I came back, I see my girlfriend, whom hasn’t been giving the attention that I ever so deserve and instead been giving to my friends, getting fed by my own best friend,” he ranted, and with every word, his accent thickened and your guilt risen.

You bit your lips to showcase your guilt to him and shook your head, “Channie, please, I’m so sorry, I just wanted to be friends with them, I don’t see them the same as you do, you’re nothing like them—“ Your words were interrupted by Chan’s hand moving to your neck and squeezing it, which made you let out a small whine, he smirked at your weak state, “I know that you’re sorry, and you were always forgiven,” he said, which made your eyebrows furrow, “but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting punished.”

Your eyes widened, as you knew what he meant, you gulped at his statement, before you can say anythin, Chan crashed his lips into yours. Your lips and his were battling along with your tongues against each other, with you letting a small whimpered, “chan…”

“That’s not my name,” Chan pulled away, not looking at you, it’s like he was waiting for you to correct yourself. “Daddy?…”

”That’s right,” He huskily said, with his hand letting go of your neck and taking you to your bed. He roughly began kissing you again, as you made noises into his mouth. ”Please…” You spoke through his mouth. He bit your bottom lips, which made you moan. His mouth and teeth began assaulting your lower face and neck, as you moaned out every touch he gave you. He pulled away from you and looked at you, “you’re enjoy this, don’t you?” He said menacingly, while you just pouted due to the lack of touch, “don’t give me that face, it won’t lessen your punishment,” He let out a scoff.

Chan slowly began stripping your clothes off of your body, while he stayed dressed. You begged for him to remove his clothing while he was busy removing yours, but he ignored your request. After undoing all article of clothing and left bare, Chan looked at you once more, “my dumb pretty bad girl,“ he muttered to hismelf as he began grazing his teeth onto your body once again, this time it was much harder in order to make sure you’re getting marked. It wasn’t limited to your neck, he keeps going down with bite marks and kisses from your neck to your chest, your abdomen to your thighs and back up to your collarbone. Your whole body was covered in red bites that‘ll slowly transform into purple-pink bruises by the time goes by, and your excitement just exhilarated.

His mouth went down once again, he tapped your legs, “spread your legs,” he said, which you complied. He was now face to face to your core and you were anticipating whether he’ll do anything. It was like he was observing your organ, which is exactly what he was doing until his tongue began situated itself in your slit. You moaned out at his action, putting your hands in his hair, which he pushed your hand away. Since he didn’t let you touch you, you resorted to touching yourself, resulting in him pushing away your hand again. Punishment one; no touching yourself or him.

Since you couldn’t touch yourself nor him, your hands were held onto the sheets after it flailing around cluelessly. His tongue was beginning to moving in rapid his speed, tasting every single bit of you. He moaned at the bitter yet sweet taste, enjoying the flavor of you, and with his voice, created mini vibrations. “Daddy… I’m gon—“ You breathed out, feeling the butterflies in your stomach started to fluttrr, until Chan stopped his tongue movements and took it out. You whined out at him, which he chuckled at you, “You may taste good, honey, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are not worthy of cumming,” He villainously said. Punishment two; no cumming unless being told to.

You pouted at the feeling of an orgasm disappeared, which Chan snickered at your pathetic state. His mouth was placed onto your mouth again, this time it tasted different. You tasted yourself, and you knew he did it to humiliate you, not satisfy you. Focusing on your tongue on his, you didn’t notice that his hands were getting dangerously close to your slit, until he inserted two fingers, in which instinctively made you pull away and started breathing heavily. His fingers curled inside you, then pulling it out, then back in, then repeating. As he was thrusting, you were moaning out with every time his fingers got in and out of you, while Chan was just huskily chuckled at how adorable yet pathetic you looked.

”Are you gonna cum?” Chan says, you opened your eyes and you see a smile. He saw how your toes curl, how your body was spasming, how your breathing was heavier, he knew you were getting closer. You foolishly nodded at him, and he took out his fingers before you get the chance of getting your peak. You whined out again, as Chan simply just licked his fingers to tease you. After licking his fingers, he finally began removing his clothes, “I know you want this,” he said while he took his shirt off. All you can do is look at him with a heaving chest while he was getting bare.

He was now out of his boxers and leaned down to look at you, “for a bad girl, you’ve been taking my punishments so well,” he smiled at me, while my head was moving from side to side, not sure where to place it due to your fucked out state. “I knew there’s hope for you,” He commented, as he kisses your lips once again, and you kissing him back. Your body wasn’t responsive only if Chan touches you, this is where your body works once again. His kiss moved from your mouth to your soft spot on your neck, in the midst of your moan, you said, “I’m glad, I’m all yours, dadd—Ah!”

You yelped as Chan inserted himself without warning, which made him groan as the feeling of your whole being put around his hard member. His thrusts were slowly started to get faster, making you scream out a bunch of whines and moans, “oh my god! daddy!” While he mainly he groans out a bunch of cuss words. With his fast pace and his whole member hitting the right spots, it was easier to say that you were getting closer to your peak once again. Chan knows your body language so he would know that you were ready to cum.

“Daddy… I—I—Fuck!” You cussed out, unable to speak due to your brain being clouded, but Chan knew exactly what you mean. He groaned, “let it out,” he says before hissing and panting a “holy fuck!”

After a few more thrusts, you finally came and your back began to arch due to the pleasure. However, Chan didn’t stop, he still carried on thrusting. “What?” You hushed, which Chan smirked at you, “You thought I won’t punish you?” He asked, then laughed at you. Your head shook againin confusion, as your body was getting overwhelmed, and realization also hit you. Punishment three; Overstimulation.

You yelped out as Chan’s thrusts were getting rougher and harder. His moans were getting louder, as he whimpered out a “I’m gonna cum…” His groans and grumbles slowly began turning into high pitched moans and whimpers, which indicates that he was close, along with you.

His thrusts became sloppy, your voices started to get higher, and his hand began holding yours, which ultimately made you both cum on the spot. He laid on top of you after he rode out his orgasm, both of you panting for air.

After catching both of your breaths, you expected to rest, however you sensed Chan’s lips getting into your ears as he whispered, “this isn’t over I hope you know that…” And you can’t be mad at that.

~~

—bonus ending—

The next day rolled around with Minho, Jisung and Hyunjin sitting around in the hallway, waiting for Chan to show up. It wasn’t like him to be late, but considering what happened yesterday, they all assumed that it was likely that he was still processing everything and still needed some time. However that changed when he texted them prior that he was gonna show up. Jisung was still feeling anxious about the two of you, whether not one or both of you got hurt. He also prepared an apology and an explanation for Chan, in case he wants to hear it.

They heard the elevator ding, and looked at the people that showed up. It was you and Chan. His arm were wrapped around your shoulders while your and his hand were holding each other. Your hoodie was up as you both looked at each other with affection, like you both never had a breakdown yesterday. You both walked out and looked at the boys in the hallway, you both let out a “hey guys!”

The trio masked a confused looked, but quickly faded away as to not cause a stir. “Hi!” Hyunjin placed a smile and waved at the two of you as you two stood in front of the seated men.

Minho looked at them with a questioning face, eyeing the both of you and studying your appearances. His brown eyes landed on your neck and saw the purple marks painted onto your skin, knowing exactly what were it caused by. “Damn, Chan, was it that serious?” Minho thought to himself.

“Hey! what happened to your neck?” The question was directed at you as he pointed at your neck which you pinched your hood under your chin to hide your bruised neck. “oh, it’s nothing, its just bed bugs,” you nervously chuckled as you became flustered, which made Chan bit his lips to prevent himself from laughing. Minho knew exactly what those bruises are. He knew they were hickeys, he wasn’t an idiot, he just wanted to tease you both. Hyunjin and Jisung caughts on, as they both looked at each other, mild disgust in their eyes.

Jisung shook his head, got up and looked at Chan, “Chan, look, I didn’t mean to do anything to (y/n), I have nothing b—“

“Hannie! It’s fine, we’re good,” Chan patted Jisung’s shoulder reassuringly to stop his rambling, “everything’s fine, ain’t that right, babe?” Chan looked down at you, while you nodded with a smile, “yeah, we‘ve talked about it, and we’ve resolved everything.”

Jisung looked slightly confused at the both of you, but then switched into a smile, “oh, okay, I’m glad,” he nodded at you both, which Chan nodded back. “Alright, I’ll see you guys in a few, yeah? I‘m gonna go…” Chan looked at you back then at the boys again, “we’re gonna go produce some more music, we’ll see you three around,” and there you and Chan walked away leaving a dumbfounded Jisung, a flustered Hyunjin and a smug yet disgusted Minho.

”I hate how I am correct,“ Minho grimace, as he drank his can of energy drink. “But on the brightside, they seem to be happy together again,” Jisung responded back with a shrug, “yeah, and getting my money from Changbin’s stupid ass,” Minho bluntly spoke as he drank through his drink, which made the boys chuckle. “I still can’t believe you made a bet with Changbin,” Hyunjin said, with Minho responded with a shrug, “I knew I was gonna win though, he really thought they won’t have make up sex, t-ha” Minho tsked and had spoke through the can again, “please,” before he went in with another sip.

Jisung was first to start walking, “while I’m happy for the couple, let’s get out of here, because I think they’re gonna be making more than just music,” he shudders at the thought, which made Hyunjin and Minho hurry themselves out before they witness anything. ~~

[jamesbuchananxsteviegrant]

[AU, SMUT] What Are You? | Bucky x Steve x Reader

Category: AU, Smut (Mandatory) Age: 18+ Trigger Warnings: Mafia themes, derogatory language, intercourse Ship: Steve x Bucky x Reader Summary: Steve and Bucky Are Planning Some Work With a Client, But What Happens When That Client Doesn't Respect Their Girl? Request: N/A Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 2.6k

—

Almost everyone knew - there was no doubt about that. Everyone should’ve known, at least, but those who didn’t pay enough attention… sorry for them.

Everyone who heard the sound of the heels clacking against the marble flooring would straighten themselves up as if the sound was coming from the men themselves.

Which men? Oh, which men indeed.

That’s not to say that the woman couldn’t have any kind of friendships with any of the men in the building - she does need a little bit of platonic fun here and there.

“Slow down, Aphrodite, you might chip the flooring.” A mocking voice calls from behind her. Despite it being from a familiar face, the other men still stiffen as if they were the ones doing wrong.

“You might shatter the mirrors if you look in them for any longer.” The woman retorts as she attempts to hide the grin that forms at her own comeback.

The man, however, doesn’t even try to hide his smile as he turns his strides into a jog to catch up with her.

“How do you even know how often I stare in the mirror? You spying on me?” Sam asks, the pair glancing at each other and both now smiling.

“So you admit that you stare at the mirror, and not just look at it?” The woman tactically avoids his question with her own retort.

Sam’s laugh echoes through the corridor they’re walking through. It’s quite spectacular really - some would mistake it for being a palace. A place where only the good-willed people reside. Almost a shame that it’s full of the likes of James ‘Bucky’ Barnes and Steve Rogers - the two men who own just about all the power there is in New York, let alone Manhattan.

“You know they’re not done yet, right?” The man quizzes, a content smile still on his lips as his hands rest in the front pockets of his black trousers.

The woman doesn’t respond, simply nods.

Sam catches it out the corner of his eye and simply shakes his head.

“You have a habit of interrupting their meetings.”

“And you have a habit of saying things that might get you killed one day.” (Y/N) answers, but her gentle smile admits that that’s not entirely true.

Her attire consists of a loose but very fitting crimson dress that sits mid-thigh, along with the matching red heels that are buckled around her ankles. A simple silver chain around her neck that has two small, but very expensive, black and red diamonds resting in the centre of her collarbone.

“Tell Steve that his car’s being valeted if he needs it anytime soon.” The man comments as he turns off down another corridor, different to (Y/N)’s route.

She simply nods again.

Why is it that she’s heading toward her husbands’ meeting? Because she’s interested in seeing how it will end. The man who has been persisting to speak with Steve and Bucky for the last sixteen months is desperate, to say the least. He wants investment in their three hotels that are situated across NYC, in Queens, Brooklyn and Manhattan.

She was the one who decided on where those hotels would be built, so she wants to see the man, John Walker, crumble as her partners’ pretend they care, only to tell him no.

It might seem like a waste of time but in reality, it’s to see how the man deals with hearing the word no, and whether Bucky and Steve need to deal with him.

“Ma’am.” Christopher greets as (Y/N) approaches the door of the conference room that her men are in.

“Chris.” She responds, nodding her head as he opens the door for her. “How’s it going, gentlemen?” The woman adds as she casually struts into the room, grabbing everyone's attention.

There’s a moment of silence as everyone turns to look at the woman who’s interrupted their meeting. Steve and Bucky simply smile as they take a moment to admire their wife.

“Excuse me?” John is the first to speak up and everyone’s attention turns to him, including (Y/N), who doesn’t seem phased by his evident frustration.

“You’re excused.” Her response is simple but ignites a spark inside of the man.

“Do you usually let whores just stroll around and cause inconvenience in their wake, gentlemen?” He asks, but his eyes remain on (Y/N).

The woman’s eyebrows raise, and a surprised but impressed smile etches its way onto her face. She says nothing. John stares at her with a quirked brow, waiting for a response from the two men his question was directed to, so obliviously aware of the fearful stares he’s now getting from everyone else in the room.

Bucky and Steve’s heads turned very slowly, in sync, back toward their guest, their smiles now distorted into that of pure fury.

“Would you like to say that again?” Steve speaks up first, John now turning his head toward the boss in curiosity of his sudden change of voice.

That’s when the man notices all the stares on him. His eyebrows furrow as he acknowledges everyone’s expression. His eyes flick from the other men in the room to Bucky and Steve, to (Y/N), and back to the two leaders.

He gulps.

“I said: Say. It. Again.” Steve enunciates.

“Come here, doll,” Bucky speaks up also, his eyes flicking from John to (Y/N) for a brief moment, his arm opening up and inviting the woman to situate herself on his knee.

The woman obliges, striding over to her husbands and letting the brunet’s arm wrap around her as she sits.

John’s eyes haven’t left Steve’s, too mortified to even blink, but he catches the action of Bucky and (Y/N).

Steve’s eyebrow quirks, reminding his guest that he’s waiting. And Steve hates waiting.

“I didn’t mean- I didn’t know she was- gentlemen, please, look, this is all a big misunderstanding, I just-”

“Called our woman a whore and an inconvenience.” Bucky finishes his sentence, his expression just as murderous as Steve’s, despite the soothing actions of his hand stroking his wife’s waist.

“I didn’t know she was your-”

“And you think that excuses it?” Steve interrogates. “You think calling any woman a whore is acceptable? An inconvenience?”

John gulps and the sound echoes in the room. His eyes flicker away from Steve’s for a moment to the woman herself, intentionally or not, but his eyes drop to the prominent cleavage on display.

Bucky smirks at the action that most definitely didn’t go unnoticed by himself.

“Sweetheart,” Steve begins, John’s attention darting straight back to the blond’s once more. (Y/N) hums in response. “Who do you belong to?”

(Y/N) bites her lip, core throbbing at the obvious dominance and possession of the two men.

“You and James.” She whispers, Bucky’s hand gripping her waist tightly at the use of his birth name.

The sweat glistening on John’s forehead is clear as day.

Knowing what’ll get everyone in the room riled up even moreso, (Y/N) turns herself around so she’s facing Bucky, sat on his lap, legs on either side of his body. Everyone else in the room keeps their eyes firmly locked on the glass table or the white ceiling.

A pleasant hum resonates from the brunet’s throat, his hands naturally adjusting to rest on her hips.

The moment John’s eyes flicker to (Y/N) once more and then drift down her back, a gun is cocked and metal is pressed firmly against the back of the man’s head.

The woman goes to turn her head around to see what’s happened but Bucky’s lips locking with hers prevents that from happening. She whimpers against his mouth and he absolutely adores it.

“Bend over this table for me, doll.” The man murmurs. “Let’s show Mister Walker what a proper whore looks like.”

The excitement that sparkles in his wife’s eyes makes his cock throb between his legs.

“Yes, sir.”

The pet name makes both men throb.

The woman stands up and turns herself around, making sure every sway of her hips is a show to be watched. Her eyes lock with none other than their security lead, Tony Stark, who’s holding the gun up to Walker’s head, as she bends herself over the table, dress drooping at the front to display her cleavage.

Tony’s eyes don’t even flicker away from her own. The staff in this building know better than to try and indulge in what is rightfully Bucky and Steve’s. John, however, sees this as a prime opportunity to stare at what he believes he’s being offered, his trousers getting tighter.

(Y/N) sees it. She finds is humorous.

Bucky’s hands slide their way up the backs of his wife’s bare thighs, pushing up the crimson material as he reaches it.

Her eyes flutter shut and lips part in satisfaction at the feeling.

“Tell us what you want, doll.” Bucky mumbles, sitting the bottom of her dress at the base of her back, grinning at her lack of underwear.

“Touch me.”

The explicit word that escapes John’s lips are heard clear as day and he knows it, face once again panicking as he looks back at Steve, whose expression still hasn’t changed.

“Where do you want me to touch you, princess?” James continues, not paying an ounce of attention to anyone else in the room right now besides his missus.

His fingers stroke the top of her inner thighs, seeing her soaking wet core already dripping down them.

“Want you to touch my pussy.” (Y/N) breathes, eyes flitting open barely a millimetre.

James presses soft kisses on his wife’s ass before sliding his middle and ring finger lightly over her slit. The action gets a mewl out of her.

Fifteen men in this room in total, only two of them can touch this woman yet all fifteen are dreaming about it.

“Move.” Steve states, prompting John to widen his eyes once more, but this time the words aren’t directed at him.

Bucky grins and obliges, removing his hands from his girl and stands up.

(Y/N)’s eyes open fully this time as she whines in complaint at the loss of contact, but a large smack on her ass distorts her whine into a large gasp.

“You’ll get what’s coming to you, sweetheart.” Steve states, manoeuvring himself so he’s stood directly behind his wife, Bucky casually pulling his own gun out of his inner blazer pocket and wiping it down with his hands.

John’s face stays facing Steve, but his eyes follow Bucky as the brunet moves behind him and out of his sight.

Tony takes the sign to back away and let his boss take over from here.

Steve has no shame as he unbuckles his belt, undoes his trousers and pulls out his rock-hard cock, stroking it with his hand a few times while his other hand returns to Bucky’s previous actions.

“You see that?” Bucky whispers in John’s ears, prompting the man to gasp and jump in his seat. He gulps again but remains silent. “I asked you a question.”

The man frantically nods, fearful for his life, and absolutely humiliated.

“You’re so wet, baby,” Steve murmurs, leaning down and moving her hair aside, kissing the back of her neck.

Before the woman can even respond, her husband thrusts himself inside of her in one go, (Y/N)’s back arching and moaning so loud that Christopher can probably hear outside the door, and Steve’s head being thrown back, his own moan equally loud.

Bucky almost loses his composure if it wasn’t for the fact that he knew not to falter when making sure a man like John Walker was wanting his woman.

“Fuck…” Walker whispers, lips parted as he stares at the woman in front of him being railed by none other than Steven Rogers.

“Keep watching because this is your death wish.” Bucky whispers, John’s eyes widening. “Does she look good?”

John nods his head almost desperately.

Her moans only get faster and louder as Steve fucks her.

“Remind him what you are, sweetheart?” The blond groans, grabbing the woman’s hair and pulling her head back so she’s more or less face-to-face with Walker alongside her other husband.

“A whore.” (Y/N) practically begs.

“Louder.” Steve demands.

“A whore!”

“I said: fucking louder!”

“A WHORE! I’m your whore, sir!” She screams, John losing it and standing up to lean forwards but a gunshot firing beside his head makes him stumble back down to his seat.

(Y/N) flinches are the known noise but settles quickly as Bucky strokes her face with the hand that’s not holding the freshly-fired weapon.

“Don’t you fucking dare move an inch toward our wife.” Bucky threatens to the man he’s leaning over.

John gulps but nods, not taking his eyes off (Y/N).

“Is she inconvenient now, Walker?” Steve asks, glaring daggers at the man. He only shakes his head, eyes only meeting Steve’s for a split second. “No?” He breathes. “Then what is she?”

The guest falls speechless, shaking his head as his eyes flicker between Steve and (Y/N).

“Hot as fuck.” He whispers, Bucky growling in his ear.

“Fuck!” (Y/N) cries out, desperate eyes staring at Bucky’s, who smirks at her state.

“Think our girl wants to cum, Steve.” He comments, John panting in his seat.

“Yeah? You wanna show this scum what a good girl you are for us, baby girl?” Steve grunts, not slowing down but rather speeding up as he too reaches his peak.

The woman’s head nods in desperation, face flushed as her eyes flicker across all men in the room, including Tony’s, who simply winks at her before removing his stare.

“Say it, doll.” Bucky demands.

“I wanna cum.” (Y/N) gasps, watching her brunet lover shake his head.

“Gonna have to do better than that, doll.”

“Please,” She begs. “Please, daddy. Sir. Please, let me cum!” Her voice screams, Steve grunting in response to the feeling of her squeezing his cock, milking him for all his worth.

“Cum, baby girl.” He permits. “Cum like the whore you are.”

And how she does.

Her scream could shatter glass, Christopher would be concerned if he hadn’t already established the differences between the woman’s fearful screams and her pleasure-filled ones.

Taking full advantage of Bucky’s distraction, John leaps forward to get a taste of the woman who’s almost passing out from the pleasure, but that’s the last move he makes as a bullet is shot through his back, knocking him down onto the table.

Tony doesn’t seem phased as he shakes the smoke from his gun, settling it back into his pocket.

Making sure the woman doesn’t collapse atop the, now dead, man on the table, Bucky holds her up while Steve sorts himself out before pulling her back across the table and into his lap.

“You okay, sweetheart?” The blond whispers, smoothing the hair out of her face.

(Y/N) nods but keeps her eyes shut as she rests against her husband’s chest.

“Words, baby.” He requests.

“M’okay.”

“That’s my girl.”

Two of the security men alongside Tony head over and remove the body from the room, Bucky asking for someone to clean up the mess whilst walking over to his two lovers.

“We okay?” The brunet murmurs, Steve smirking and nodding before both paying attention to their girl who’s still half unconscious.

“Does anyone else in the room have anything to say before we carry on?” Steve asks, everyone shaking their heads frantically. “Good, now leave.” And they do.

“You okay, baby doll?” Bucky whispers, cocooning her cheek with his hand.

The woman nods and manages to open her eyes.

“Yeah.”

“That’s our girl.”

Tag List

Everything Tag List: @nosoulnoproblems | @rileyloves5  | @girl-who-loves-mythology | @avngrsinitiative | @lookinsidemyhead |@xbabykookiix | @myspectacularfantasies | @fanfic-anyone | @rororo06 | @queenofbuskers | @vapingisntmything | @tony-stank3 | @hermione-grangers-wife | @lili-ann-love | @the-omni-princess | @tayahs-blog | @regulus-black | @saturnsteverogers| @fyfiexo | @amazingiam00 | @deviltownn | @buckybarneses | @fafulous | roryshitposts | trynnabemultifandom | @moodboreddd | @hopingforbarnes | @an-adventureland | justassaneasiam-ll | @profoundllamanickeleggs | @xbongox | @minetticatinwonderland | @thinkaboutmara | @xxaestheticboyxx | @sparklycollectionofoldmemes | @wandaneedstherapy | @georgiadixon | @nerdy-thespian-10 | @nsb-supertrio | @thinkaboutmara | @captainamerica-is-bae | @spookyparadisesheep | @supernaturallover2002 | @notsochillnerd | @peggycarter-steverogers | @reann-shitposting |

Stucky x Reader Only Tag List: @polarbearnamedpanda | @marvelous-glims

[an-optimist-prime]

Hold the line (I won't let go) [Chapter 1]

A 9-1-1/Buddie Fanfic

Summary: What happens next isn't Buck's proudest moment, and he's not even entirely sure why he does it at all. Maybe it's because he's still shaking with adrenaline, aching and freshly bruised, smoke still heavy in his lungs. Maybe it’s because Chim's been back a week and still hasn't said a word to him.

But then, it could be that Buck's genuinely struck dumb by Eddie's audacity - that Eddie feels owed anything at all from him, that he thinks he can talk to Buck like that after leaving him the way everyone else has and does and will - it makes venom bubble up into his throat, hot and acrid.

"Firefighter Buckley to Dispatcher Diaz," he starts, his knuckles white on the radio, something mean and furious trying to burst its way out of his chest, "You don't get to say shit like that to me anymore."

-

Or, the story of how Buck and Eddie finally get together after Eddie leaves the LAFD and becomes a Dispatcher.

Chapter: 1/2

Word Count: 4000

Rating/Warnings: T, None Apply

AO3 Link

***

“I’m leaving the 118.” Eddie announces, and Buck’s entire life is thrown completely sideways by it.

“Do you not trust me anymore?” Buck asks later, when it's just the two of them. He knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t understand why Eddie would do this. “Did I do something?”

“No, Buck, that’s not what this is about,” Eddie reassures, or tries to, at least. “I just need to be safer for Christopher.”

And Buck can never fault him for that, but surely, there has to be another way. Buck leaves the party that night hoping that Eddie will change his mind. That next time he sees Eddie at the station, he’ll say ‘actually, I changed my mind’.

But no, Eddie means it. No amount of reasoning or reassuring sways his mind, and two weeks after his announcement at the Christmas party, Eddie clocks out of Station 118 for the last time.

“Hey, this isn’t the end for us,” Eddie promises on the last day, as he clears out his stuff from their shared locker. Buck says nothing. He can’t even muster up the spirit to agree, because that’s it. Four years of partnership, and Eddie is just leaving. All of that talk about ‘you’re stuck with us’ and then he goes and does this.

And perhaps the worst part is that Buck can’t help but feel that this has been building for a while. They’ve drifted apart recently, even Buck can see that, and contrary to popular belief, he can actually tell when he’s not wanted.

So, Buck just storms up to the loft, ignoring Hen’s kind, sad eyes and Bobby’s concerned ones. He sits at the table, his eyes drawn to the empty chairs, and wonders, not for the first or last time, what about him isn’t worth sticking around for.

***

Buck would be a liar if he said things between him and Eddie weren’t really tense for a while.

Eddie ends up becoming a dispatcher, and objectively, Buck can see that it’s a fantastic fit for him. He gets to use his medic knowledge, and still helps people without any of the danger of being on the scene.

The small, selfish part of Buck desperately misses his partner, but the larger part of him is just relieved. Relieved that Eddie is out of danger, relieved that he’ll never have to go home to Chris and explain that he failed to keep his dad safe.

But the selfish part of him is louder, and it’s angry.

It’s misplaced anger, and Buck knows it’s completely unfair. It’s his emotions getting the better of him, and he needs to sort it out before he does something he can’t take back.

Ultimately, that’s how he justifies the distance he puts between himself and Eddie. That he’s just trying to sort out his own mess of feelings about the whole situation, and that he just needs some time for things to settle.

So, when Buck gets a text like,

From - Eddie (ICE) [14:21]: Hey, do you want to come over tonight? Movies and pizza?

He replies with,

To - Eddie (ICE) [14:25]: Sorry, I have plans with Taylor.

He categorically does not have plans with Taylor that particular night, but Eddie doesn’t know that, and it serves its purpose.

Weeks pass like this, and instead of settling into anything, or sorting out fuck all, his anger simmers, and starts to fester. He and Eddie go from seeing each other almost every day to barely even seeing each other at all.

The only reason they see each other at all is because Buck makes time to see Chris. He still picks him up from school sometimes, or drops by while Carla is there to help with his homework. Whatever happens between him and Eddie, he’s determined not to let his own petty bullshit hurt Chris again. Even then, they’re fleeting moments, never more than a few minutes at a time.

(If Buck’s being honest, he knows exactly what’s going on here. He can practically hear Dr. Copeland’s voice in his head, telling him that this is a maladaptive attempt at self preservation. That he’s pushing Eddie away on purpose, leaving Eddie before Eddie can leave him.

Buck knows it’s bad. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, and self destructive to boot. But, he can’t seem to make himself stop. Maddie left again, Chim followed, and now Eddie's left him too, and he's the only common denominator he can see. How long until it's Athena? Or Bobby?)

If Eddie ever notices, he says nothing.

***

All of Buck’s unresolved issues finally come to a head on a call.

It's a huge five-alarm fire at an office complex, the building already ablaze by the time they get there. Eddie is on their radio line, helping direct them to people still trapped in the building.

Buck should find his voice reassuring, like he has his back on a call again. Instead it just puts him on edge, every staticky word just a reminder of the distance between them.

Bobby has just called for the team to evacuate when Buck hears something, a crumbling crack and low bellow, then something like a whimper - it’s probably nothing he isn’t already prepared for. After all, buildings make all kinds of noises like that as they go down.

But he can’t just leave without checking.

“Buck, status?” Bobby’s voice crackles through his radio.

“I’m in the northeast quadrant of the fifth floor,” Buck replies, as he quickly checks the offices one last time, “I’m doing one last sweep, I think I heard something.”

“That part of the building is unstable, I need you out now.” Bobby replies, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Buck is good at his job. He can tell that this building is minutes away from collapse. He can feel the intense heat of the fire, even through all of his turnout gear, and can hear the ominous creaking noises the building is beginning to make.

But still. What if there’s someone there?

“I’ll be out in a minute, I just have to check.”

“Buck.” This time it’s Eddie’s voice that echoes through, edged with concern. “You need to leave.”

“I know, I’m almost done,” Buck replies, exasperated, because it’s a little rich of Eddie to make comments like that when he’s not even here to see or hear any of it for himself. He checks the last of the offices down the hall, and satisfied that they’re truly empty, begins to make his way to the exit. “Buck to Captain Nash, I’m—”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because the section of floor beneath him caves.

He’s thankfully half off the section, so he manages to grab a hold of the edge on his way down, catching himself. He slams into a support beam, hitting his chest and jarring his shoulder, but it slows him just enough that when he lets go, he lands, stumbling to his knees on the floor below.

It’s a hard landing, but overall a safe one, all things considered.

Buck pushes himself to his feet, groaning. He takes stock of himself. He’s winded, sore, and his heart is hammering with adrenaline, because that could have been so much worse. But, by some miracle that seems to be the extent of his injuries.

Through his radio, he can hear Eddie’s panicked voice, “Buck? Can you hear me?”

“I’m okay,” Buck manages to wheeze out. “Floor caved. Coming out now.”

“Buck, stay where you are,” Bobby commands. “We’re sending someone to—”

“No need,” Buck cuts in. The building isn’t safe, and no one from the team should come back in. Buck forces himself to move, sucking in a pained breath as he does so, and heads towards the exit. “I’m fine.”

With all the noise around Buck, it's hard to tell what Eddie's tone is through the crackling radio, but it's some cross of fear and aggravation. "Buck? Are you hurt? You sound like you're hurt. You're hurt, aren't you? Just stay there—"

"I said I'm fine," Buck snaps. He's perfectly aware he just proved everyone right with his recklessness once again. There’s no need to rub it in.

Despite his assurances that he’s not injured, Chim and Ravi meet him anyway, helping Buck out into the fresh air and straight towards one of the ambulances. Hen checks him over, her hands experienced and gentle, and after a few minutes, she seems satisfied.

“Looks like today was your lucky day, Buckaroo,” Hen says, sounding more than a little bit surprised. “You have some bruised ribs, and you might want to keep ice on your shoulder, but you don’t seem to have any other injuries aside from that.”

“How?” Chim asks, although he sounds more concerned than anything else. “You fell through the floor.”

“I did, but caught myself and landed right,” Buck says, before turning to Bobby, who has been standing there watching the whole time. “Told you I was fine.”

Bobby rolls his eyes, but Buck can tell that he’s relieved. “We’re going to talk about this, Buck.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck replies, because he knows the drill by now. He does something reckless, Bobby lectures him for it, and then he’s on dish duty or inventory for a week or two.

A moment later, Eddie’s voice cuts through the radio, “Bobby, is he–?”

“All firefighters present and accounted for, dispatch,” Bobby replies, “No serious injuries.”

There's a relieved sigh and exhale-through-the-nose type laugh that usually signifies that there's nothing actually funny happening, then Eddie says, "Jesus, you scared me. You need to be more careful, Buck."

What happens next isn't Buck's proudest moment, and he's not even entirely sure why he does it at all. Maybe it's because he's still shaking with adrenaline, aching and freshly bruised, smoke still heavy in his lungs. Maybe it’s because Chim's been back a week and still hasn't said a word to him.

But then, it could be that Buck's genuinely struck dumb by Eddie's audacity - that Eddie feels owed anything at all from him, that he thinks he can talk to Buck like that after leaving him the way everyone else has and does and will - it makes venom bubble up into his throat, hot and acrid.

"Firefighter Buckley to Dispatcher Diaz," he starts, his knuckles white on the radio, something mean and furious trying to burst its way out of his chest, "You don't get to say shit like that to me anymore."

There's a pause, a soft crackle in the carrier wave that lasts long enough that Buck begins to think he actually didn't say anything out loud.

Then Eddie's voice comes through. "...what?"

"Don't act like you have my back," Buck says - definitely out loud this time, his aggravation building, "You don't. So, you don't get to say shit like that to me - don't act like that with me anymore."

Eddie has the gall to sound indignant when he replies, "Excuse me?"

"Buck," Bobby warns, but Buck ignores it.

“I’m sorry, I was just surprised that we’re actually talking again.” Eddie hisses, his tone just as acidic.

"Oh, shut up," Buck spits back, "Don't pretend like you care that we weren’t talking - You're not my partner anymore–”

"So you're admitting you were avoiding me?"

"You left, Eddie!" Buck accuses, "You're the one who up and left! So don’t even bother—"

The line cuts out between them, and a quick glance at Bobby makes it clear that he's the one that cut it. Almost immediately, Buck is overcome with regret and guilt for what he’s said, so much so that it makes him nauseous.

“In the truck - now," Bobby orders, and Buck doesn’t argue. He endures the silent and frankly awkward drive back to the station, before heading straight up to Bobby’s office.

Once they’re inside, Buck just collapses into one of the seats, and Bobby sighs. Buck can see that he’s torn between being Bobby his Captain, and Bobby his friend.

“Am I fired?” Buck asks, straight to the point.

“No,” Bobby replies, sounding more exhausted than anything else. “But I am going to have to give you an official warning. Those calls are recorded and logged.”

“That’s fair,” Buck says, as he grinds the palms of his hands into his eyes and just tries not to cry. Once again, he’s managed to ruin everything. He’d let his emotions get the better of him, and on a job too.

Everyone with a radio had heard his outburst, had heard the way he’d spoken to his best friend. He must have sounded so desperate, so needy, and more than a little unhinged.

It’s no wonder that people keep leaving him behind.

After a moment, Bobby continues. “Are you still talking to a therapist?”

“No, I stopped a while back,” Buck admits. He’d thought he’d been doing fine, but, well.

“Well, I’m going to strongly suggest you go back,” Bobby says, his tone gentle but leaving no room for argument.

Buck just nods in response. He must look like an absolute mess if Bobby isn’t even going to give him a serve for his recklessness.

“I’m also going to send you home now,” Bobby continues, his voice stern. “Not only because you’re not in the right headspace, but because you need to take it easy after that fall. Are you okay to drive yourself?”

Buck nods again.

“Okay, I’m going to be checking in later tonight,” Bobby says, standing up to leave. As he does, he rests his hand on Buck’s shoulder for a moment. “Buck, you’ve got people who care about you. I know you struggle to see that sometimes, but you do.”

Buck nods, and follows Bobby out. He gathers his stuff from his locker and flees the station as fast as humanly possible. Once he gets to his apartment, he manages to email Dr. Copeland about setting up appointments again before just crawling into his bed.

Then the tears start.

He and Eddie have gotten through so much together. The tsunami, the lawsuit, the shooting. But this might actually be the final nail in the coffin, the final thing that Eddie just can’t move beyond. And Eddie would be completely justified if he was done. If he left him behind. Because the fact is Buck is a disaster who can’t sort his shit out.

He wallows, letting the physical ache of his injuries wash over him. They hurt less than the ache in his chest at the realization that Eddie won’t ever want to speak to him again. He’s such a mess that by the time Taylor sends him a quick text canceling their evening plans because of a story she’s chasing up, it’s actually a relief.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur, and Buck is only stirred from his thoughts by a knock at his door, a bit after six. It’s probably Bobby, checking in, so Buck goes to get it. When he opens it though, it’s not Bobby waiting there.

“Hey,” Eddie says, quietly.

“Hey,” Buck parrots, because he doesn’t know what else to say. He hadn’t been sure that he’d ever get to see Eddie again, let alone so soon, and he finds himself utterly unprepared.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Eddie asks, looking past Buck into the apartment.

“Uh, no, you’re fine,” Buck replies, suddenly conscious that he almost certainly looks like a mess. “Taylor has a work thing.”

There is a beat, where neither of them moves or says anything.

“Can I come in?” Eddie asks, uncharacteristically unsure. The fact that he knocked is strange enough, since Eddie still has a key to his apartment.

(Buck hadn’t been able to bring himself to ask for it back, knowing what that would have meant for them.)

“Oh yeah, of course,” Buck says, stepping back so that Eddie can enter the apartment. Buck closes the door behind them, and feels the weight of what’s about to happen settle upon him.

Buck instinctively moves to the kitchen, but hesitates at the fridge. Instead, he pauses on the other side of the kitchen counter, almost grateful for the distance between them.

Even as he fights the urge to move closer to Eddie.

Awkward silence falls in the loft, and Buck isn’t sure that it’s ever been this tense between them, even after the lawsuit. He fights the urge to fidget, trying to distract himself from the inevitable awful conversation that this is going to be. But the fact that Eddie’s here, at his apartment, is a good sign. Maybe if he grovels enough, they can still salvage some part of their friendship out of this. Buck takes a steadying breath, and goes to speak.

“I’m sorry,” they both say, at the exact same time, before breaking into nervous laughter.

“Can I go first?" Buck asks. He isn’t sure what Eddie thinks he needs to apologize for. As far as he can tell, Eddie hasn’t really done anything wrong at all.

“Go ahead.”

“I’m so sorry,” Buck begins, completely contrite. “I was really upset today, and I didn't mean any of it. You were right. I'm the one who's been pulling away, and it wasn't fair of m e to blame you for that."

The words hang in the air for a moment, before Eddie speaks. "We used to talk to each other. I just don't understand why you've been pulling away. Did something happen?"

"No, nothing. It's nothing," Buck deflects, not sure how to explain himself without sounding absolutely self absorbed and pathetic.

Eddie sighs. "Buck, work with me here."

"Seriously, don't even worry about it. It's stupid. I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

“Evan,” Eddie says, his tone gentle but also firm. Instantly, Buck knows that he’s not going to get out of this one. Eddie using his name always makes him fold like paper.

“I thought you didn't need me anymore,” Buck admits, despising how needy it sounds. “I don't think anyone actually does."

"I always need you," Eddie insists. "Bobby said to give you some space, but they don't know you like I do. I should have known better."

Buck is pretty sure that no one knows him like Eddie does, but that doesn’t mean that he’s about to make that Eddie problem.

"I'm fine! Really. The last few months have just been a lot," Buck quickly insists, because the last thing he wants to do is burden anyone, "And, I mean, you were going through your own things. I'm not the one who got shot."

Eddie considers him for a moment, "You were there too."

"Yeah, but it's not the same,” Buck says, and something inside him breaks. Suddenly it’s like the dam is open, and he can’t seem to stop what comes out, “I wasn't the one who got hurt. I was—I was just so useless. I-I-I mean, you trust me to have your back, to keep you safe, to keep Chris safe, and when it matters most, I can't—”

“Buck—” Eddie tries, as he moves closer to Buck.

"And I'm so sorry—”

“Buck—”

“—that I can’t—”

"Buck. None of that is on you,” Eddie cuts him off, as he closes the rest of this distance between them. He places his hands on either side of Buck’s face, and the weight and warmth of Eddie’s hands shocks Buck into silence. “I mean it."

There’s nowhere else to look but into Eddie’s eyes, and it steals Buck’s breath away.

After a heavy moment, Eddie continues.

“There was a moment today, where I thought I heard you die, and there was nothing I could do about it,” Eddie starts, and Buck knows exactly what that’s like. He felt the same way after the well, and especially after the shooting. "And I'm going to be honest, Buck, it was awful, and I didn't handle it well. But, it just made me realize that I have no idea what I would do without you. I meant what I said at the hospital that day. You're not expendable."

Buck’s eyes start to burn with unshed tears.

"So, I'm sorry,” Eddie continues, his voice sounding as rough as Buck feels. “I shouldn't have blindsided you like that, at the Christmas party. Especially with everything else you were going through. I didn't stop to think about how my decision to leave the 118 was going to affect you."

"I mean, you were right,” Buck says, his voice rougher than he would like it to be. “You need to do what's best for Chris."

"Still, I should have told you."

“Why?" Buck asks. At Eddie’s confusion, he clarifies, "Like, why would it matter, how it affects me?"

"Because you're my partner," Eddie says, simply. "That's just as true now as it was then."

Buck will never understand how Eddie can completely upturn his world, and put it back together again, better than it was before. He doesn’t feel like he deserves it, but he’ll try and try again until he does.

“I’ve missed you,” Buck admits, trying really hard not to cry. “I just want things to go back to how they were.”

“Yeah, me too,” Eddie agrees, softly and honestly.

“You can have my back any day,” Buck adds, because he needs Eddie to understand that he feels the same way. That, even after everything, they still have this.

“And you could have mine,” Eddie finishes off, quietly, as his hands trail down to Buck’s shoulders.

Buck can’t help but pull him into a tight embrace. Eddie eagerly reciprocates, holding him back just as strongly. Buck isn’t not sure how long they stay there, holding each other like that before they reluctantly pull away. As they do, the movement jostles Buck’s shoulder, and he can’t help but wi nce.

“Sorry, it’s my shoulder.” Buck says, at Eddie’s concerned look.

“Hey, let me check,” Eddie sa ys, as he carefully pulls up the side of Buck’s shirt to check his injuries.

It’s not new behavior, Eddie always gets like this after a close call, insisting on looking Buck over himself. Even after he’d been given the all clear by Hen or Chim. Looking down, Buck can see that his side is already mottled blue. He’s definitely going to be sore for the next few days. Eddie, meanwhile, says nothing as he assesses the bruising, before moving his attention to his shoulder.

“You should be icing that,” Eddie instructs, moving to the freezer and pulling out one of the ice packs. He gently presses it to Buck’s injury, their hands brushing as he does so.

“Thanks,” Buck mumbles, his capacity to say anything more articulate suddenly gone.

“So, you said the floor caved?” Eddie asks, as he continues to check him over.

“Ah, yeah. I was heading to the exit when it just gave out,” Buck explains, “I landed about as well as you could hope.”

“You were so lucky,” Eddie says. There’s no judgment in his tone, just relief.

“I know right? It's a nice change,” Buck jokes, and even Eddie huffs a laugh. After a moment, he asks, “So, how is it at dispatch?”

“Uh, really good, all things considered,” Eddie replies, taking the olive branch for what it is.

They quickly fall into easy conversation, and Buck knows they’ll be okay.

***

A few hours later they're both still at the apartment, sitting on the couch and idly watching some action movie Buck had found on netflix. Eddie is seemingly reluctant to leave, and Buck isn’t going to make him.

Beside Buck, his phone begins to ring, the caller ID indicating that it’s Bobby checking in, as promised.

Eddie turns at the sound, his expression curious.

“It’s just Bobby, checking in.” Buck explains.

Eddie smiles. “Tell him I said hi.”

“Will do.” Buck promises, as he stands and moves to the kitchen for some semblance of privacy, before answering. “Hey Bobby.”

“Hey Buck, how’re you doing?”

“Fine. Sore, but not too bad,” Buck answers, truthfully. “I emailed my therapist too.”

Bobby hums in approval. He must hear noise in the background, because he asks, “Is someone else there?”

“Uh, Yeah, I’m with Eddie. He says hi, by the way.”

Bobby does not seem to be the least bit surprised. “I’m really glad to hear that, Buck.”

Buck glances across to where Eddie is sitting. It hits him then, with the intensity of a bullet, just how much he’s been missing this. “Yeah, me too.”

***

So, that was chapter one of my newest Buddie fic. Chapter two should be up by next weekend, and definitely before season 5B at the latest.

What did you think? If you did, please consider leaving a like/kudos or comment, either here or on the Archive (Fic Link). Positive feedback is what keeps me going!

[ravens-words]

Buddie Fic Recs (2/?)

Part 2 of me fangirling over Buddie fics

As always, if you want to be tagged in any future ones I do, let me know please (asks, messages, replies, anything goes)

Here's Part 1

Medium Length Fics (10-50k)

❄ i want your midnights by allysavedtheday (@littlespooneven )

In which Eddie decides to rent out his spare room to help with mortgage repayments right around the time Buck decides to move out of Abby's place after some not so gentle prodding from Maddie. It's a coincidence. Or serendipity. Or maybe just really good timing.

Roommate AU Excellence. I really can't talk enough about how much I LOVE this fic. It's really got it all- pining, Christopher and Buck being adorable, Buddie slow burn, strangers to friends to best friends to lovers. A+++++

❄ a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things

Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that.

But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”

So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in 

This is one of the very few post-lawsuit fics that hit just right. Everyone is in character. Everyone is treated fairly, and we get an insight into people's heads. It's wonderful, and nuanced and introduced an OC, Cole, that reminded me of Red, and though he wasn't a big part of the fic, I feel like he was an amazing addition to Buck's journey here. Buddie's getting together is adorable, and it features our boys being dorks and I just LOVE it.

❄ where there's smoke, there's fire by wakeupnew

It turns out that being in a secret relationship with your best friend in an active fire department is kind of a life-altering situation, once it's suddenly not a secret anymore.

THIS FIC. Established relationship. Adorable, funny and perfect. But then it gets better. It deals with what it means for Buck and Eddie to be in a relationship while they're on the same team and you can feel their struggles and their fears and in the end, it shows just how strong their relationship is. Perfection.

❄ Everything At Once by Clockwork_Mockingbird

Buck comes into a lot of money.

Nothing changes so of course everything does.

This fic is really really cute. Buck and the firefam's relationship is so beautiful here. The Buckley Parents aren't featured that much, but the author dealt with them in a way that was fair, and one I personally loved. Buck and Eddie and Christopher are just wholesome here.

❄ I Didn't Know I Was Lonely 'Til I Saw Your Face by HMSLusitania

Total strangers Buck and Eddie go to couple's therapy together to get out of the therapy requirements their captains have placed on them.

This fic has taken over my heart. It's an AU that somehow manages to be both serious and hilarious. The timeline is a mashup of Canon but the author wrote everything in such a way that it actually made sense, and just- it is absolutely FANTASTIC.

❄ Don't Take the Money by HMSLusitania

“You know, being stuck here isn’t actually the end of the world,” Chimney says, coming up to the table and picking up one of the smoke detectors. “It just feels like it, Buck. Trust me, I know.”

“I’m pretty sure it might actually be the end of the world,” Buck says. “Considering this is the sixth time I’ve lived this day.”

Chimney stares at him for a beat and then his eyebrows lift. “Wait, are you like – dude, are you in Groundhog Day?”

OR

The post-lawsuit time-loop AU literally no one asked for.

This one has it all- humor, angst, family feels, Buddie being idiots in love, Bobby being a good dad. All of it. This is another post lawsuit fic that deals with everything in a graceful and rational way, which is something I adore.

Short Fics (1-10k)

🍁 you can shake the world by autumnchills

Alternatively, 5 times Buck gives a special post-it note to someone in the station and 1 time someone gives one to him.

The cutest fic, you say? Well, this is it. Buck has the purest, biggest heart, and it SHOWS. He's sweet, and kind, and pure. And this fic embodies that. I ADORE IT.

🍁 good love grown by farfromthstars (@buckactuallys)

living with buck gives albert a front row view to whatever it is buck and eddie have got going on.

I'm in love with Outsider POV and oooh, boy is this wonderful. In character, funny, cute, oblivious idiots in love. I'm on love with it.

Tagging:@djdangerlove @miss-macca @alwaysablossom @mazieken @captainbfresh @aliceschuyler @brekkers-kaz @malikjavaddzayn @diazalex @very-blue-blue-jays

[sarcasmco]

>> tear myself apart by tate mcrae

task003 - pt.01

tw: depression, guilt, anxiety, impending doom, slight suicidal thoughts, death mention

the day of christopher nash’s memorial... robin couldn’t bring herself to go, opting to sit in her room, lights never turned on. her heart was with the family, but a gnawing feeling of responsibility was clawing its way up her throat. it felt as though she needed to cry but physically couldn’t, so it traveled through her body in shivers. after everything they had lost, after everything they had been through, witnessed, done. 

this wasn’t the path she expected to find herself down, surrounded by people who understood yet feeling oh so alone. what would happen next was up in the air, a guess to anyone, and robin felt something in the pit of her stomach that insisted it would be bad, and there was a lot she wanted to get out before it was her time. so much she needed to say that she could never really say out loud, or simply wouldn’t allow herself. 

so she grabbed a pen and paper. first ammends: herself - the child that had everything and then had it taken away.

hi,

i was going to write "dear robin" but that just feels stupid, doesn't it? i wish i had your ignorance right about now. if i told you what was going on, you would think i was lying anyway, that it was just another crazy movie plot that mom was going to yell at us for. but just listen, okay? 

why am i writing now? well... it’s hard to explain. i’ve thought about you; missed you. after trying so hard to forget all those bad times, i feel like i can’t anymore. i can’t run anymore. to be who i need to be, i need to be you too.

there’s a memorial today for a kid that... probably went through hell, if i’m being honest. i should’ve done something; i could’ve done more. am i to blame? maybe if i hadn’t tried to bury it like everything else in our life, if i didn’t want our life to be normal so bad, maybe i could’ve looked harder, talked to the right people, actually helped and not hid like a fucking coward.

i’m selfish. maybe it should’ve been me. not you, but me, because we are not the same anymore, and i don’t know when exactly that happened.

i tried so hard to stay true to you, but maybe i am just like mom and dad. i just go along with what people tell me, what’s easy, go where they tell me, and then i’m left with the fallout when things go bad. i know there’s nothing i logically could’ve done, but it doesn’t feel like it. there’s the shape of a dead kid in my heart that will never be filled because of what i failed to stop!

fuck this isn’t what i wanted, any of it, but i have to remember, it’s not all bad. you’ve found a family of sorts; of misfits that make you feel like maybe, somehow, you do belong in this big, strange world. there’s this guy named steve who completely ignored us in high school, but actually turned out to be really cool. we’ve gone through some really awful situations, but he’s always with you at the end of it. he’s our best friend, and we feel so safe with him, i wish you could’ve met him. eddie is like looking in a mirror, you would’ve loved him. everyone calls him a freak, and every time it kills you a little inside. you want to protect him, but all you can do is make him smile when you get the chance. and max is the best little sister who you silently vow to always watch over. she’s feisty and reminds me a lot of us to be honest, before... before everything got so bad.

i'm sorry, rob. truly. i had hoped to have better news for us by now. you deserve so much better, and if i do make it through this, all of this, i promise to do right by you.

even if it kills me, she wants to add, but doesn’t. there are wet spots on the paper, but she doesn’t think about them. she wants to burn it, but she’s tired, so she tosses it in a drawer and forgets about it.

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

[buckleyydiaz]

what he deserves

Ship: Buck/Eddie

Summary: It had to be done - someone had to do it, to make sure Buck got the best in life, what he truly wanted. As the old adage says, “if you love someone, let them go.” Eddie could only hope it paid off in the end, because it really wasn’t feeling as though it would.

Words: 2.4k

Eddie didn’t want to be angry at Buck - it felt wrong, went against every fibre of his being, to feel so pissed off with Buck, of all people, his best friend, his partner, the most selfless man he knew, who would never do anything with the intent of hurting anyone else.

But anger was easy. Anger was familiar, being consumed by a burning rage was comfortable, easy, no matter how much he didn’t like it - no matter how much it scared Eddie, because it was too easy - and he couldn’t afford to fall back into old habits.

What Eddie was certain of, however, was that he would rather be pissed off at Buck, he would rather risk going back to what he swore to himself, to Buck, that he would never do again, than move beyond the anger. Because he didn’t know what would lie beyond it, but he was sure it would be a hell of a lot more frightening than all of the possibilities which anger provided him with.

He knew if he hadn’t stopped attending therapy as soon as it had stopped being mandated for him, that his therapist would have most likely told him that he had to move past anger, that he had to acknowledge what he really felt, but that was bullshit. Therapy had never really been Eddie’s thing, anyways.

So Eddie would sit and let his anger stew for a while, letting it simmer inside, burning him up from the insides - he deserved it anyway, he thought, as he tried desperately to make excuses to his own mind as to why it was right for him to do what he so clearly knew to be wrong.

He deserved to hurt himself by letting the anger build, he decided, because he simply managed to miss that something was so significantly wrong with Buck, that he wasn’t - wouldn’t be - happy in their relationship. Eddie had never wanted to do anything but protect and love Buck, but he had done nothing but fail at that, evidently.

It was all just made worse by the fact that Buck didn’t say anything, that he never had. He had never mentioned that he wanted more, that just Christopher and Eddie couldn’t be enough for him.

Instead, Eddie found out because he simply happened to walk past at just the right - or as it felt, wrong - time.

“I’ve always wanted a kid of my own.”

That was all it took. Eddie didn’t even know what on Earth Buck had been talking about with Chim for that to come up, but it had, and that was all that mattered.

Eddie would bend over backwards for Buck, he would do almost anything he could to make things as good as they could be for him, because he deserved it, but of course, the one thing that Buck wanted, was the one thing that Eddie was unable to provide.

A child. Of his own.

Eddie had always known that Buck loved children - he had made that clear from very early on in their friendship, and the way he was with Christopher was proof. Buck had proven that he would walk through hell and back for him, and Eddie knew that Buck was his son’s absolute favourite person in the world. He had always figured that would be enough for Buck, had always hoped it would be, because Eddie couldn’t give Buck a child of his own, nor was he sure if he was in a position in his life to have another child, if it were even a distant possibility.

As he thought about it, the anger began to dissipate, much to Eddie’s disappointment, because he knew what was coming.

Waves of sadness began to wash over him, and as they crashed and crashed, it felt like he was drowning. He preferred the violent, scorching pain of rage, to this dull, aching feeling that left him desperately gasping for breath, for a tiny bit of happiness, that was nowhere to be found.

Eddie hated to wallow in self-pity, but it was better to sit alone and sulk than to force anyone else to deal with his chaos, his broken heart.

Because he knew, no matter how much he wished he could, that he would do whatever it took to make Buck happy.

The strange selflessness was proof of Buck’s impact, proof of all of the ways he had changed Eddie for the better. And now Eddie had to do just one thing, one tiny thing, for the betterment of Buck’s life.

He had to let go, no matter how much it hurt, or how much he hated doing it. Buck would never do it for himself, not even if it was holding him back from happiness.

--

Eddie wasn’t sure which had been harder - breaking up with Buck, watching his crestfallen expression, which did nothing to make Eddie feel better about breaking his own heart on some Buck-esque self-sacrificial attempt at doing the right thing, or telling Christopher that Dad and Buck weren’t dating anymore, that Buck wouldn’t spend almost every night with them anymore. Both just made Eddie wish he could have stayed oblivious, that it then wouldn’t have been him that was the bad guy who had to do the breaking up - which, he had realised, would probably lead to him being alienated at work (they had all always liked Buck more than him, not that he could fault them for that, he felt the same way, but it meant that there would be hell to pay for hurting him, even though it was for Buck) - and who had to break the news to his son.

But it had to be done - someone had to do it, to make sure Buck got the best of life, what he truly wanted. As the old adage says, “if you love someone, let them go.” Eddie could only hope it paid off in the end, because it really wasn’t feeling as though it would.

--

When Eddie turned up to the 118 for his next shift, it was clear everyone knew what had happened. Buck had told Maddie, who had told Chim, and before long, the entire firehouse knew exactly what Eddie had done.

Eddie Diaz had been just the next in line to break Buck’s heart, just as Abby had before him, which he had sworn to never do. He was certain he was angrier at himself for doing so than anyone else, but he also knew it was for the best. It was for Buck. It had to be.

But all of the excuses he had for his actions within his head meant nothing to the others, who refused to so much as talk to him in passing, which only felt worse, because their shift was so quiet, and they were stuck there, just them.

While Hen, Chimney, Bobby and Buck sat up in the kitchen, each doing their own thing but sharing the space, Eddie had isolated himself to the gym - it was easier to be on his own of his own volition, and to pretend it wasn’t essentially going to be forced upon him.

Eddie tried to lose himself in what he was doing, tried to get each punch to the bag to take him further out of his mind, with little success, although it had rendered him unaware enough of his surroundings that he had not noticed Hen walking up behind him for far too long, not until she cleared her throat to get his attention.

He kept his back turned to her, not particularly keen to be chewed out for breaking up with Buck, for hurting him, when Buck was hardly the most hurt in the situation.

“Eddie, what happened?” She asked, as Eddie continued to try and tune her out. “You were both so happy.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at Hen’s words, because that’s what he had thought too, but he kept his focus firmly on the punching bag in front of him.

“Clearly not,” he muttered, not even sure that Hen would hear him, but she did, and reached out to touch his shoulder, causing him to turn around.

“Look, I can’t deal with you berating me for upsetting poor little Buck right now, okay, and I don’t think it’s really even your place to get involved.”

Eddie felt a little bad for snapping at her, but at the same time, he didn’t have the capacity to deal with the consequences of actions he hadn’t even wanted to take - not yet.

Hen, however, was clearly unbothered, used to dealing with people far ruder than Eddie, on what could be as often as a daily basis, in their job.

“Hey, I haven’t come here for Buck. I wanted to make sure you are okay, this can’t have been easy on you, and I hope you don’t think we are all against you.”

That made Eddie feel the slightest bit better, to have someone who wasn’t against him, when even he himself was conflicted on it, but it left him unsure as to what to say, because he wasn’t okay, but any attempt at a lie, Hen would almost immediately see right through him. He had to try anyway.

“I’m fine Hen, it's fine.”

As he predicted, Hen immediately gave him a look along the lines of are you fucking kidding me, not taking his bullshit for one moment.

“No its not, Eddie, and if you don’t want to talk about it with me, fine, but for the love of God, please talk to someone, okay?” After a moment where neither spoke, she began walking away, but briefly turned around - “You are as much our family as Buck is. It’s not that we don’t care about you, or blame you, it’s just much harder to tell when something is wrong than with Buck.”

Any other time he would have rolled his eyes at what she was saying, but to be honest, he appreciated the reassurance, because when they were all ignoring him, but were so concerned about Buck, it stung, just a bit, even if he deserved it.

“He wants a kid.”

Hen faced Eddie again, furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to work out what Eddie meant - Buck had always been so happy with Eddie and with Christopher.

“I heard him say it to Chimney. He wants a kid, one of his own.”

Eddie looked up from his hands, which he had been fiddling with as he spoke softly, to see Hen looking at him pityingly, but also to see Chim walking towards them, seemingly summoned by his name.

“Aw, Eddie, are you sure he meant that? Maybe it was out of context? Because you know that Buck loves Christopher like his own.”

“Well clearly that wasn’t enough for him!” He exclaimed, anger flooding through his veins as he tried to rein it back in - it wasn’t Hen’s fault that he hadn’t been enough for Buck, the same way he hadn’t been enough for Shannon. “So it’s done now. He can go off and find some woman and have a kid of his own. It’d be unfair of me to hold him back from that.”

Chim must have been close enough to hear what Eddie was saying, as a look of realisation, mixed with the same pity on Hen’s, painted his face.

“That’s not what he was saying, you know? Buck is so in love with you, and Christopher is his entire world. You are both everything that he has ever wanted.”

Eddie looked at Chim curiously, confused, because Chim had been a part of the initial conversation, and what he was saying seemed so far the opposite of what he had heard.

“Buck has always wanted a kid of his own, and he has one now, thanks to you - or he did.”

Eddie wondered if Hen and Chim could tell that the only thing he could think was oh shit. He had just ruined the best relationship he had ever been in over a misunderstanding.

“Go get him back, Eddie,” Hen said, smiling, and Eddie knew he had to do just that.

He made his way up the stairs to the kitchen area, trying to work out how on Earth he could grovel enough to make up for what he did. Eddie found Buck sat alone, Bobby having returned to his office.

“Buck, I- uh, I need to apologise,” Eddie began, looking at Buck, his eyes red and puffy, which just tugged on his heartstrings to see, knowing he was the cause.

Buck wouldn’t even look up at him.

“I, uh, heard you talking to Chim.”

Eddie watched as Buck looked up, horror all over his face.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep Eddie, I know Christopher is just your son and always will be, I just… love you both.”

Buck’s apology confused Eddie for a moment, because none of this was remotely his fault, Buck hadn’t said anything wrong - what part of the conversation was he even referring to? - but was he surprised by the show of Buck’s self-flagellating nature? Not particularly - Buck never had mastered being nice to himself.

“Overstep? You are my best friend, we are family! You could never! I thought you didn’t want us anymore.”

It was Buck’s turn to look confused, his head tilted to the side as he looked up towards Eddie.

“Why would you think that?”

“You said that you wanted a kid of your own, and I can’t give that to you!”

Buck’s eyes widened as Eddie spoke, eventually a slight smile appearing as he realised what had happened.

“And you didn’t listen past that? Eddie, you should know that you and Chris are all I need, or want.”

Begrudgingly, Eddie smiled slightly too.

“Yeah I should have, shouldn’t I?”

Buck stood up and made his way to where Eddie was standing, pulling him tight.

“I’m so glad I didn’t lose you,” Buck murmured, speaking softly into Eddie’s shoulder, his eyes welling up slightly with relief and joy.

“I love you, Buck.”

Eddie smiled as he said that, but before Buck was able to say it back, the bell began to ring out through the station, causing them to pull apart, rolling their eyes.

As they raced down the stairs to meet with the rest of the team, they were greeted with a grateful chorus of cheers from their friends.

They grinned, and Buck lent over to kiss Eddie on his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, you’re back together, but please, do not subject us to your ridiculous PDA. We do not need to see that.”

[cyberdva]

take me home- b.c.

Summary: Staying with Stray Kids over the holidays via the first-hand invitation from Chan sounded like the perfect vision. When New Years’ roles around tension grew, in the coming days you’d have to leave and someone needed to confess the secret scratching at his core for years on end. With a little plan from your best friend’s bandmates, this new year would be one to remember forever.

Warnings: Cursing, Mentions of Anxiety, and a Makeout Scene

Word Count: 2.3k

Stray Kids Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: (Gender Neutral Reader!!)  hey everyone! it’s sort of a tradition for me to write a short little fic for new years. this time i chose to write about chan since he’s turned my life around and brought so much positive change into my life. i’m forever grateful to him and stray kids. thank you for reading all of my sappy drama. life is going to get better!

Being away from the same place you’d called home for the past who knows long felt strange. Don’t get me wrong, it was a major relief to be able to roam around a different area after the entire world was basically held captive in their own minds for the better. Having a second family in the form of an idol group, led by the most talented person you could think of, gave an excuse to seek refuge in their dorms, but this time they nearly begged for your presence for just a few days. Listening to Felix and Seungmin plead over the phone, ironic desperation laced in their tone, for a month and a half took a white flag waving on your behalf. Putting eight celebrities, and countless others, in the possibility of danger was the glue holding you back. Nights of pondering aimlessly always led to the same conclusion. Staying and going was a bitter conflict. Flabbergasted by all the trouble you got yourself into, the thought of leaving was a knee-jerk reaction. Either Felix and Seungmin got their way or the other way around, and if an agreement couldn’t be reached a full-on melancholy would forge in its place.

“Y/N…” Chan’s voice faded in and out with vigor, a perfect speech was freshly prepped in his mind wanting nothing but to have you here with him next week, “I have a question. You have to listen to the whole thing until you answer, okay?” His teeth grazed a chunk of flesh dragging in backwards in anticipation. 

“I’ll come visit.” There was a cold breeze, lacing the darkness with foreign excitement, a feeling you had last had back in freshman year when Chris came home to visit you  Training was the main priority for him, his young mind opened up the new group his company yearned to produce. Either lead a normal childhood or give the future its star-studded path. It hurt to see him go, more than anything had before, but when your bedroom door slowly creaked open it was worth the wait. Chan still remembers how you hugged him, tightly with so much emotion, it made him come to terms with the feeling brewing in his own mind. Truly cliché, but the way butterflies bubbled in his stomach and hands shook like leaves on a palm tree stuck in a brawny gust gave him desires which laid discrete too prolonged. Your response ignited that same lust, Chan’s voice hitched in between the words collapsing from his delicate lips. It brought a stunted tint to your cheeks, a rare occurrence in general. 

The man’s eyes fluttered in amazement, “Y-You’re serious, not joking right?” Fingertips grazed the dew buttons nearing the edge of his phone, mimicking his posture at the moment.

“Do I not sound serious?” A puff of humor fell from your mouth, “Just make sure I don’t regret it, I’ll text you tomorrow Chrissy.” Left in his own bewilderment, it only had now begun to register the weight of the situation. His only lover, one-sided in his wit, of a near lifetime, was coming just for him, and his annoying ‘children.’ 

“I fucking hate that nickname.” 

“Are you even old enough to have alcohol?” Buzzing with anticipation, the young woman dashed past an elated Minho forcefully dancing with Hyunjin, who looked about to pass out from drained practice from earlier on. Your hands clutched onto a champagne bottle, it still has a hint of frost to the touch. Jeongin flashed her a pout and gave swift retaliation, “It’s not for me! Hannie told me to open it for all of us!” His long fingers snatched it right back into his possession. 

Changbin laid motionless on the couch, "It’s five minutes until midnight! Seungmin could you go grab Chan, I have no clue where he is.” A nod came from the other man, his footsteps faded in a quick manner. The aura swelled cheer through every inch of your body, it has been so long since you’d last experienced such an amazing weekend with the ardent people. Something did feel off, and everyone noticed. Chan just wasn’t as sociable, his time was mostly spent scrambling on his phone or just in utter silence. 

An abnormal amount of time passed and Seungmin was nowhere to be found. Your legs cracked a bit as you stood up, your mission was to now find that man-child if it was the last thing you did. Nerves jittered across your arms and wrists, it lingered in the small crevasses between tight joints. You were in love with Christopher Bang and this moment was the same as any other with him, but that sentence never fully processed in your mind. Instead doubts about confessions replayed constantly, it was an anxiety pressed down to the base of your concerns, yet it still bobbed for attention every now and again. 

“You alright?” Placing your body against the hard doorframe of Chan’s room wasn’t the brightest idea. A hard chunk of metal pressed directly into your thigh making this conversation more awkward to begin with. Chris was at a small wooden desk, still working his creativity to death, even during a celebration. His large, slick headphones fortunately didn’t block out the sound of your tender voice. It came as a surprise to him, normally Chan wasn’t this jumpy. Even a small amount of embarrassment tainted the normally confident persona of himself. He quickly spun around and tilted his head in recognition, silently motioning you to speak. 

Moving from the uncomfortable stance you continued, "You’ve been acting really weird lately. You know you can talk to me about anything. I’ll always be here for you no matter what.” Scanning his face for any reaction probably made things a bit worse, his posture caved in on itself and you couldn’t help feeling bad for possibly brining up something he clearly didn’t want to talk about. For the one moment he looked up at you it brought pang of guilt over your chest. 

A sigh escaped you unconsciously, “Sorry if I made you upset or anything, I’ll let you work some more, but at least get some rest later.” Chan shook his hands in retaliation as you spoke, slowly getting up from his seat as he did.

“I don’t know how to say this,” his eyes darted every which way except for you, “I should’ve told you a lot earlier and I regret not doing that and shit, but just listen to me.” You slowly bobbed your head up in down in a confused likeness. He radiated uneasiness in an odd, eager way. The silence between each sentence ate away at your mind. 

He reached out for your wrist, slowly moving it up waiting for consent, “Y/N, we’ve known each other for a really long time and ever since second grade I’ve…” he stopped. Now your agitation grew, what was he even talking about? His breathing staggered, “I’ve had like the biggest crush on you.” Did I just hear that right? A wave of panic took control over the two of you.Still yet to response, and react fot that matter, to what Chan said it made him start to plung into some sort of hysteria. 

Finally words pieced themselves together, “You’re in love with me?” He nodded, “Why didn’t you say anything.” When Chris would say he was shy you never thought it was to that extent. Imagining how hard that must’ve been to conceal wasn’t that difficult, your feeling for the man definitely were the exact same. Back in high school all your friends would be graced to hear your stories about how Chan is so hot, how much you miss him, how you’re going to marry him, and more and more. It was tough to never see him in person, it stung when you would call him in the rare date he was allowed to. 

“I like you too, ever since first grade for me.” His spirit turned into the complete opposite of before, now with a crimson shade of disbelief painted across his lug, “Your ears are red.” You laughed, his hands reached to tuck his hair back over the spectacle. 

“What do we do now?” The question floated in the air with the intensity of the conversation peeling away. Neither adult fully understood what was happening. The importance of their relationship crumbled away with small banter and painful jokes.

A bright idea formulated in your mind, “We could kiss.” Chris blankly took in what you said and graced a devious smile, “I like that idea.” Chan grabbed your waist and snatched you closer to his body, which was strangely warm. Not like you were complaining. Brushing a few obscure hairs away from your face he peered extensively at your stunning features, taking them all in. It wasn't long until Chan smashed his lips into your own and you eagerly returned the kiss.

For the next few minutes the two were engulfed in a kiss, making the whole room sway and trip over its own feet. Your grip on him became tighter and you locked your fingers together at his back, making sure you wouldn't lose him. After a few more minutes Chan began to push his lips to your neck, making sure to explore every inch of your skin with his tongue. You giggled and clutched him closer. Your lips caressed his chin and his neck, kissing every inch of them and playing with his eyelashes. Chan opened his mouth to kiss your neck but you put a finger on his lips, but he kept going. You heard footsteps coming closer even with the small noises coming from the older one. 

“I found him…” Seungmin walked right through the open door and adjusted to the scene in front of him, “Ew!” his face contorted into a disgusted look, “I found Y/N too.” Now that your expected make out session was confirmed, the rest of the boys peaked down the hallway with oddly happy faces. Chan was beet-red and began muttering quick apologies under his breath. Adorning a beaming smile you took his hand and guided Chan back to the rest of the group, “You talk too much, but that’s why I love you.” 

“Love me? Well, um I love you too.. I have for a really long time.” Your heart swelled from his cumbersome behavior, he really never changed much from his youth. With that said your cheeks flushed and a broad smile spread across your face, as your entire body flushed from head to toe. The boy had a way of making your cheeks do a very special kind of glow. With only a minute and a half on the clock it was awfully laid back. Normally people go all out on New Years, but everyone just wanted this one to end as quickly as possible. Spaced away from his large crew you noticed that there was a rather large difference in Chan’s mind and the way he acted. In front of his members there was a much more dominant manner to his actions. He really cared about them, luck was the only way to describe how you felt about knowing him so personally. 

Felix was the most thrilled of the bunch, "Twenty seconds left!” He bounced up and down with his grin growing wider than before. Whenever Felix was around the atmosphere automatically lit up. He just has that special feeling to him. While you flashed backed into your mind thinking about random anomalies Chan was gazing at you with piercing eyes and when you threw a glance back at him, he stayed still. Out of the blue, grabbing your hands and holding it tight.

“Ten!” This didn’t feel wrong, nor right, never in a million years did you think your childhood best friend would keep the same feelings for you tucked away. Trying to fill that void with one night stands, relationships that never ended well, and even distancing yourself from Chris wasn’t ever the answer you thought it was.

“Nine!” He was hidden in plain sight, could you be labeled the fool in all of this? Really Chris could too, it took so long to face the truth.”

“Eight!” Putting his career on the line is the next discussion, if fans or media found out about the two of you his contract could be terminated. The hate he faces already is too much, you would never want to hurt him.

“Seven!” The harmonic combination of everyone’s chants was relaxing, calming the storm of thousands of ‘What if..’ questions piling from your brain.

“Can I kiss you?” Chris was now right by your ear, burning straight into your sight. You jerked your body back in reflex, not expecting him to be so close.

“Six!” 

“What do you mean?” It was obvious, your mind felt as if it was short circuiting. This was not the first idea that popped into your head when you decided to come visit.

“Five!”

“Yes or no, hurry up.” From the tone of his voice you could tell he was dead serious. Time was running out.

“Four! Three!”

“Uh sure..” You swore a small sparkle in his eyes glistened at the response, his entire face lighting up. 

“Two!” Chris leaned closer, grabbing your chin delicately. His finger stroked the sides of your chin as his lips filled the gap and connected with yours. His lips were firm but soft and somehow you felt safe in his embrace. The kiss was soft and feather light. It lasted for maybe a couple of seconds before Chris pulled back. Your lips were still slightly swollen and her lips felt like they were on fire. You breathed slowly and opened your eyes to find him gazing at you.

"That was... good," you said a bit dazed.

He gave you a half-grin. "You're a natural." Your face broke out into a full smile still trying to wrap your head around all of this. 

“Do you mind?” Did everyone see that? Slowly your head turned to face the apparent audience all giving different reactions.”

“Minho, why don’t you kiss me like that?”

“Shut up Jisung.” Maybe this year won’t be so bad after all. 

-

-

-

“One day i’m going to marry you!”

“Chris were only like twelve, you’re going to find someone a lot better one day.”

“I don’t think i’ll ever find anyone as perfect as you.”

“Stop it!”

“I’m serious! I love you Y/N! Forever!”

“Love you too Chrissy, hurry up before we’re late for your swim practice!”

cyberdva 2021

[fruitydiaz-archived]

fuck it! my turn.

it has to be him

post 4.13 fic babbyyy

3,741 words

AO3 link

“We should’ve gotten here sooner.”

“That kid is just lucky he met you.”

“Diaz, you want to ride with the kid to the hospital?”

“Yeah — “

The sound of gunfire, the sound he should recognize instantly, the sound he should recognize anywhere, the sound that still haunts him in the middle of the night sometimes.

The sound he missed.

“That’d be great — “

Except he doesn’t get to finish his words — not before the bullet makes impact and it’s piercing his shirt, his skin, his shoulder.

What?

He looks up, stunned. The pain is radiating from his shoulder, spreading through his body — but it can’t be. It can’t be.

He locks eyes with Buck — Buck. Buck who’s standing right in front of him, staring back at him with the same shock he knows is all over his own face. Buck who’s covered in blood.

Eddie’s heart rate picks up at the sight, Buck covered in blood — that’s never good. But it’s not his own, he realizes. It’s not Buck’s blood — it’s Eddie’s. Momentarily, that’s comforting. Buck’s okay, Buck’s okay.

He’s never going to get that stain out, he thinks, belatedly, before his vision starts to go blurry around the edges.

Right.

He’s been shot. He’s been shot in the middle of fucking Los Angeles, in the middle of the street, in his LAFD uniform.

He’s been shot.

He doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know why, doesn’t know how this happened. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t hear anything but ringing in his ears, barely notices the way his body tips to the side before he’s falling, barely registers the pain that shoots through his body as he crumples against the gravel. He’s barely there.

Buck stares, his whole world is spinning, tilting on its axis in agonizing slow motion. Eddie was just there, standing in front of him, beating himself up for not seeing the signs sooner, talking to him — when it all stopped. And now he’s bleeding. Buck couldn’t see it at first, not really, not against the dark blue of Eddie’s uniform. But it’s all over him, he can feel it, taste it, smell it.

He doesn’t understand.

Eddie’s been shot.

He watches as Eddie collapses, watches the blood spill onto the concrete, watches it spread to places it shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t be — none of this should be. His stomach twists, turns on itself, and Buck thinks for a moment that he might be sick, that he might fall to his knees and spill his lunch out over the street. Maybe he’ll get shot.

Maybe he’ll get shot.

Everything is frozen and he can’t move and he keeps waiting for something to happen, for something to snap and he’ll wake up in his bed, safe and warm — like this has all been one twisted dream.

He keeps waiting for Eddie to stand back up, to brush it off, to squeeze Buck’s shoulder and then disappear into the ambulance, safe, riding off with Charlie — like this has all been one twisted dream.

He keeps waiting for another bullet to take him.

We always wanted to go together. That’s love.

But it doesn’t happen, none of it happens. Another bullet rips through the air but Buck never hears it, he barely registers the way Captain Mehta collides into him, slamming him against the firetruck, and pushing him to the ground.

He finds Eddie’s eyes instantly. It’s devastating, the way his eyes have gone glassy and unseeing. But they’re on Buck, locked with his own, and if he can just hold his gaze then he’ll know he’s okay.

If Eddie keeps his eyes on him, if Buck doesn’t blink for a second, if he can still see the life in Eddie’s eyes, then he’ll know he’s okay.

But Eddie’s losing grip on his own consciousness. He feels himself reach out, the feeble movement of his hand shifting over gravel, but it’s not enough. He can’t reach him, he can’t touch him, no matter how much he wants to.

And, oh, does he want to. He’s never wanted so badly in his life to reach out and grab a hold of Buck’s hand and allow himself to be pulled to safety. He remembers the day the truck exploded, the day it crashed and burned and crushed Buck’s leg beneath its weight. He remembers it vividly — he saw it in his dreams for months. He remembers fighting the urge to run to him until it was safe, remembers kneeling by his head while Chimney — Chimney the paramedic with years of experience on him — moved to help lift the truck, remembers holding Buck’s hand in his and trying his best to make him believe that everything was going to be okay.

He wishes he knew that everything was going to be okay, wishes Buck’s hand was in his right now. But Buck is safe.

Buck is safe on the other side of that truck and Captain Mehta is holding him down, keeping him there, and that’s good. One of them needs to stay alive — and it’s not going to be Eddie.

He remembers the day Shannon died, remembers sitting over her in the ambulance, watching the life leave her body.

“Leaving again...I’m so sorry. I’d love...a little more time.”

And he had been so angry with her, so angry with her for leaving, because it was just like her.

“Hey, did you miss me while I was gone?”

“I missed you all the time.”

“I missed you all the time, too, kid. I’m never going to leave you again.”

He guesses that makes him a hypocrite, being mad at Shannon for leaving Chris again, when here he is, doing the same damn thing, bleeding out on the street just like her. And worse — he’s a liar, too. He should’ve known better than to tell Chris he’d never leave him, because here he is, doing it again.

But Buck is okay, Buck is still on the other side of that truck and Eddie can see his eyes. They’re scared but they’re full of life and righteous fury and Eddie knows that as long as Buck’s alive Christopher will be okay.

“I’ve failed that kid more times than I care to count, but I love him enough to never stop trying. And I know you do too.”

Christopher will be okay. Buck will take care of him.

They’re going to be okay. Eddie can leave them.

They’re going to be okay.

Buck watches, horrified as Eddie’s eyes start to leave his. No no no no. He has to stay with him, he has to keep his eyes on his, he can’t go.

But Eddie’s eyes slip closed and Buck feels everything inside of him break.

This can’t happen. It can’t happen. Not like this.

“You’re a badass under pressure, brother.”

“Me?”

No. Not me. Buck’s nothing under pressure, nothing without his uniform. He’s a coward, hiding behind a truck while his best friend lays out in the open, vulnerable and unprotected, bleeding out.

“You can have my back any day.”

“Yeah? Or, you know...you could have mine.”

“Alright, deal.”

Buck was supposed to have his back — that was the deal.

They do this together, or not at all.

The world comes roaring back to life around him, a flurry of shouting, people scrambling around them, bullets ripping through the air, Captain Mehta on him, yelling into his radio.

“Firefighter down, I repeat, firefighter down — we are taking fire.”

Firefighter down — that’s Eddie.

Buck feels the adrenaline surge through him, feels his brain finally kick back online, as he digs his hands into the concrete and pushes himself up. He ignores Mehta’s screams of protest — all he’s thinking about is Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie. He scrambles to get his feet under him and moves to run around the truck to Eddie but Mehta’s hands are grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and they’re twisting and pulling him back, slamming his body against the truck and tugging him towards the ground.

“Don’t be stupid, Buckley,” Mehta growls. “I’m not letting you get yourself killed.”

“I-I-I have to help, Eddie,” Buck shouts, surprised at the sound of his own voice. “I can’t leave him out there.”

“Did you not hear me?” The captain jabs a finger out to the side, where Eddie had been standing before the bullet sliced through him. “We are taking fire. Your friend doesn’t need you to be reckless right now.”

“He’s not just my friend,” Buck bites back, his voice hoarse. “He — he’s my partner. I told him I’d have his back and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

He’s never been one to give up — it’s not what he does — especially not on Eddie. He gets back on his hands and knees and looks under the truck. Eddie’s still there, of course, rolled onto his back. His skin is turning pale and Buck’s blood is running cold.

He looks back up at Mehta.

“I have to get to him — I...I can crawl under the truck and get to him." Mehta looks at him — and Buck gets it. He’s seen this same face on his own captain plenty of times — the fear of the situation, the loss of control, the need to keep his team safe — that’s his job, and the damning realization that Buck is going to do whatever it takes to save whoever it is that needs saving — because that’s his job.

He shakes his head minutely and presses his lips together before gesturing to his medics to move over to them. Buck takes the opportunity to dive under the truck.

It gets quieter under there, even with the blood rushing in his ears.

Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie.

It’s not the first time he’s been under a firetruck. They have to do this sort of thing when training — to be prepared for any scenario. He remembers having to dive under the truck with his team and a dozen civilians when a gas main broke two years back and the whole neighborhood went up in flames. Eddie was in the house with that kid and the 217 had to fly overhead to put the fires out.

That was fine.

He also remembers the explosion. The truck on top of him. The heat and the pain and the fear.

He remembers it all.

But he’s not thinking about any of that as he crawls his way to Eddie, gravel and debris digging into his skin. He has to get to Eddie. That’s all that matters.

When he reaches the other side of the truck he stretches his arm out to pull himself over to Eddie — but another shot rings out and Buck barely manages to pull himself back under the truck before a bullet ricochets off the concrete. It’s not close enough to have hit him — the sniper isn’t that great of a hit — but it’s enough to deliver a message.

If you try — you’re dead.

They need more time — but they don’t have it. Buck’s watching the life drain out of Eddie’s body and onto the street, he’s watching him slip away and he can’t wait any longer. He needs him.

Buck can hear someone screaming, muffled shouts and feet scraping against the street behind him, on the other side of the truck, and bullets ricocheting against metal — a distraction.

He moves on instinct, fingers scraping against the concrete as he climbs over to Eddie.

“Eddie, Eddie,” He’s screaming, repeating Eddie’s name over and over, like a mantra, begging him to wake up, begging him to look at him. Eddie’s head lulls to the side as Buck climbs over him, shielding his body with his own, if only several minutes too late. His fingers are on Eddie’s neck, checking for a pulse, the other pressing hard against his wound. It’s only his years of experience that keep him from retching at the feeling of Eddie’s blood spilling over his fingers.

“Got a pulse, but it’s weak,” Buck shouts to no one, really. The other team can’t hear him — not with the truck between them and the gunfire and the sounds of people screaming. But it’s his job and if he can cling to the one thing he knows how to do — they can make it through this.

“Buck…” Buck feels the muscles in Eddie’s neck moves and glances down to see him looking up at him, eyelids low.

“Hey,” Buck breathes, smiling for the first time. He feels his eyes sting with tears — surprised they hadn’t come sooner, but he blinks them back. They’re not in the clear yet. “You’re gonna be okay, Eds. I’ve got you.”

“Shot…” Eddie slurs, eyes rolling back in his head momentarily. Buck swallows hard.

“Yeah, we’re gonna take care of that.”

“‘stopher…”

“I’ll take care of him, Eddie, you know that. But right now...right now I’m taking care of you. I’ve gotta — I’ve gotta get you around the truck.” It’s not going to be easy and it’s going to hurt like hell, they both know that. Buck takes a moment to apologize before he’s moving again. He climbs over Eddie, crouches by his head, and shoves his arms up under Eddie’s. The first thing he feels is Eddie’s blood, still bleeding out his wound, staining Buck’s shirt.

It’s fine — he was going to burn it anyways, when all this is over, when Eddie’s safe.

Eddie grunts in pain, the movement jostling his entire body, the bullet still embedded in his shoulder. Buck lets out a string of apologies as he pulls Eddie back as quickly as possible, fully aware that they are still out in the open with a sniper set on putting them both in the morgue.

It’s nothing short of a miracle, getting Eddie around to the side of the truck with the chaos around them. Mehta’s team is with them in seconds and they’re lifting Eddie into the truck together. Buck doesn’t even think when he climbs in with their medic, pulling the door shut behind him as the captain and another member climb into the front seat.

A few bullets dent the windows but Buck’s not paying them any mind. He’s barely breathing, barely listening as the medic in the back instructs him, as Mehta shouts information to dispatch and they start to pull away from the scene.

Buck’s shoving his fingers through the front of Eddie’s shirt, pulling it open with frantic energy. The medic is there in a second, pressing gauze against Eddie’s shoulder.

“Hold your hand against this firmly and put pressure,” They direct Buck and he nods. He’s back at Eddie’s side instantly, pressing down onto the gauze and desperately praying to a God he’s not even sure that he believes in — but Eddie does.

Eddie does — Buck’s heard him mumble a prayer under his breath enough times while on calls to know that even if he says he’s not religious — he believes in something, someone out there watching over them. And it’s gotten them this far, so, Buck prays.

He presses his fingers hard over Eddie’s shoulder and prays that they make it to the hospital on time, prays that they did enough to stop the bleeding, that the doctors will be able to extract the bullet and patch Eddie up, prays that he’ll get to go home and see his kid and Buck won’t have to break the news that yet another one of his parents has left him.

He prays that this isn’t the last moment they get, that the last words Eddie spoke weren’t words that dragged himself down, weren’t words heavy with self-doubt. He prays that Eddie lives, that he’ll live and they’ll catch the sniper and no one — not Eddie, not Eddie — will die. He prays that the trauma won’t scar them forever.

He prays. Please don’t take him. I love him. I love him.

The moment they arrive at the hospital is a blur. His hands, his arms, his chest are soaked in blood — but he doesn’t care. He follows, footsteps robotic, as they lift Eddie’s limp body onto a stretcher and wheel him into the hospital. Mehta has to pull him back before the doors close on him.

“We can’t go with him, Buckley. They’ll take care of him.”

He nods, numb.

He ends up in a waiting room, sitting in wait while word gets delivered to his team. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there, how long it’s been since the bullet cut through Eddie. He doesn’t know who’s calling his team, or who they’re calling, or if they’ll even be able to get there — not with firefighters being targeted.

He’s alone and he’s tired. He spent 30 minutes in the hospital bathroom alone, staring at his bloodstained reflection in the mirror before breaking down, scrubbing at his skin frantically to get it off of him. No matter how much soap, no matter how hard he scrubbed, he can still smell it, he can still taste it, he can still feel it.

Eddie.

All he can do is replay the events over and over again in his mind. Eddie standing in front of him, Eddie getting shot, Eddie stunned, staring back at him, Eddie collapsing, Eddie bleeding out, Eddie’s eyes, Eddie’s life.

Eddie.

Buck doesn’t notice the people milling about the waiting room, doesn’t keep count of the people that come in and the people that leave while he sits there, waiting. He stares at a stray mark on the wall across from him, a small thing, the tiniest imperfection on an otherwise perfectly white, perfectly sterile wall. It’s all he can look at.

“Buck,” A voice calls him, eventually, and he looks up, surprised to see Bobby standing over him.

Logically, he knows that Bobby’s aging, same as the rest of them, wearing down as the years drag by, but Buck’s never noticed it until now. The lines on his face are deep-set and his eyes look just as tired as Buck feels, heavy with emotion. Has he always had grey hair?

“Bobby.” Buck’s voice cracks and he’s lifting himself up and falling into Bobby’s arms before he even processes what’s happening. “Bobby, I tried — I tried — I couldn’t.”

Bobby shushes him, pressing one hand to the back of Buck’s head and holding him close, the other rubbing up and down his back. He holds Buck like that for several minutes, letting him sob into him, his tears soaking the shoulder of Bobby’s shirt.

Eventually they sit again, side by side, slumped against one another.

“Captain Mehta told me you disobeyed direct orders, climbed under the firetruck to get Eddie to safety even while you were under fire,” Bobby says eventually, his voice deceivingly light.

“I had to do it,” Buck looks at him, eyes red, and Bobby hates that this isn’t the first time he’s seen this face on Buck. He saw it when Doug stabbed Chimney, when he took Maddie. He saw it when Eddie cut his line, when he was buried under 30 feet of wet mud and Buck wanted to dig him out by hand. He knows what Buck looks like when he’s terrified of losing someone he loves.

“I know you did, kid.”

They’re quiet again, both staring at that spot on the wall while new patients and nurses move around them.

“How are you doing?” Bobby asks, quietly, and it might be a stupid question — the answer’s pretty clear — but he has to ask. Buck’s next inhale is shaky, and Bobby reaches out to hold his hand.

“I...I watched him die...Cap...I mean I’ve seen — I’ve seen people, you know, die...on the job, plenty of times, but I’ve never…” Bobby nods.

“He’s alive, Buck, and they’re working on him right now — the best doctors. You did everything you could.”

“But was it enough? I mean — if he dies, Bobby...if he dies I don’t...I don’t know what I’ll do.”

And Bobby knows what it’s like to not be able to save the people you love, to feel weighed down by the guilt that you could’ve, should’ve done more. He carries it every day, and now Buck’s going to have to too — at least for a while, until they know Eddie’s status.

“The idea of losing someone you love,” Bobby begins, looking over at Buck. “It’s scary. It’s the scariest thing in the world. You can never really imagine what it would be like until you live it. You have to face the idea that you might have to live a life without them — and you can’t.”

“I don’t want to do this without him,” Buck says, voice shaking. “I can’t do this without him. He’s my best friend, my partner, my — I don’t. We’re supposed to do this together, Bobby...how am I supposed to tell Christopher that I let his dad die?”

Bobby presses his lips together and nods.

“For now, you tell him the truth. His dad was hurt on the job but they’re working on him. When we know, he’ll know, but for now...Look, Buck, Eddie trusts you with Chris more than anyone and Christopher loves you. You might not be his dad but you’re the closest thing he has right now. So you do what you always do; you love him and you support him. That’s all you can do.”

Buck nods and rubs at his eyes. When he drops his hand back down into his lap he sees the dried blood, caked under his fingernails, and he feels the threat of vomit rise up in him again.

“I think you should go home for a bit —” Buck starts to protest. “Just an hour, or two. Get cleaned up, get into some new clothes, go talk to Christopher. We’re not going to have any more news on Eddie for a while, so, just go and take care of yourself so you can be here when we do.”

Buck wants to argue, but his shirt is caked with blood and it’s uncomfortable, and it smells. And the longer he sits in this waiting room the further he loses himself in this spiral of Eddie Eddie Eddie. And someone has to tell Christopher that his dad’s not coming home tonight.

And it has to be him.

So he gets up, forces a weak smile at Bobby, and drags himself out of the hospital.

It has to be him.

[an-optimist-prime]

Darling, feel better love

A Buddie 9-1-1 Fanfic

Summary: Eddie catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

-

Or, Buck gets injured (again) and it forces Eddie to confront his feelings for Buck.

Word Count: 2270

Rating/Warnings: T, N/A

AO3 Link

*

Eddie absolutely hates hospital waiting rooms.

More specifically, he hates how useless they make him feel. There’s nothing to do but patiently, and anxiously, wait for further news on Buck’s condition after his latest accident.

Buck’s doctor had been out about an hour earlier. He’d reassured them all Buck was stable, and while it would take time, he would in fact recover. It was a massive relief, but still, Eddie couldn’t quell the need to see Buck and assess his injuries for himself.

It’s the seventh time Buck has been in hospital in just under three years. And that’s just in the time Eddie’s known him. Based on the stories he’s heard from Bobby and Maddie, he’s always been disaster prone.

This latest injury had happened while they were on call to a building fire. In typical Buck fashion, he’d disobeyed a direct order to evacuate, deciding instead to do one last sweep of the floor he was on.

That, of course, was when the floor collapsed beneath him.

They’d barely had time to pull Buck out, battered and broken, before the rest of the building collapsed.

Eddie’s not too much of a man to admit that the whole situation had scared the shit out of him. As soon as he’d realised that Buck had not followed him out, cold dread seized him. It was only compounded by the dead silence when Eddie tried to raise him on the radio.

While it had only taken them a few minutes to find Buck and pull him out, for Eddie it had felt like hours. When Buck emerged lifeless and unnaturally still, it was like Eddie's heart had stopped, and only started again when Hen had said there was still a pulse.

Although, if Eddie’s being honest, the accident itself didn’t really surprise him. Buck has a habit of being a self-sacrificing idiot, with no regard for himself or his own safety. But if Buck keeps on this road, keeps doing things like this, there’s a real chance that it’ll kill him.

And Eddie isn’t sure how he’d survive that.

He’d grown used to being alone, given that for so long it’d been just him and Christopher. But then came Buck, who’d somehow managed to worm his way into their lives and carve out a space in his heart since pretty much day one.

Eddie isn’t sure at what point he fell in love with Buck, but in hindsight it’s painfully obvious.

And it tears him up, that Buck almost died, and he’s never told him how he feels. Because Buck deserves to know. Buck deserves to have someone brave enough to tell him.

Most of all, Buck deserves to have someone he wants back.

Because honestly, Eddie is pretty sure that Buck doesn’t feel the same way he does. After all, Buck gives 100% to everyone he cares about, and lives with his heart on his sleeve. Eddie’s also heard enough about Buck 1.0 to know that if Buck wanted him that way, he’d know by now. But throughout their friendship, Buck has never shown any inclination that he feels the same way.

The last thing Eddie wants to do is make his best friend uncomfortable, and ruin what they’ve managed to build together. So, he pushes it down, determined to move on.

But, every now and again, there’ll be a moment. A moment where their eyes will meet across a scene, or they’ll be watching a movie and Buck will lean into him. In those moments, Eddie thinks there might be a chance that Buck feels something more .

Needless to say, Eddie feels torn.

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted by a nurse, speaking to the assembled group in the waiting room.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” the nurse asks. He’s not the only one there. Maddie’s there, of course, along with Chim and Bobby. Both Athena and Hen had been there earlier as well, but had to leave. “You can see him now. Don’t stay for too long though, he needs rest.”

They all follow the nurse through to Buck’s room.

His skin is pale and he looks completely exhausted, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. Buck instantly perks up the moment he sees them, his eyes lighting up as they file in.

“Hey guys,” Buck says, his voice raspy. There are no words for how much relief it fills him with, to see Buck alive and well enough to speak. The perpetual ache in his chest abates slightly, and Eddie hangs back as the others rush forward.

Maddie rushes straight to his bedside, quickly wrapping her little brother into a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Chim greets, perching on the end of the bed. “How’s our favourite disaster magnet feeling?”

“I’m the favourite?” Buck replies, always first out the gate with deprecating humour.

“Who else would it be?” Chim states. “You should ask them if they have a frequent flyer program at this hospital. What is this, like your sixth stay in three years?”

“Seventh,” Eddie corrects.

“Seventh?” Buck repeats, as if it’s only just now occurring to him that he’s spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals over the last few years. After a moment, Buck breaks into a joking smile. “Two more and then the next one's free, right?”

“How about no more?” Maddie suggests as she pulls back slightly, her eyes glassy. Eddie wholeheartedly agrees.

“How about you listen to your sister?,” Bobby says. “Let’s try to avoid hospital stays in future.”

“Okay,” Buck says, and Eddie knows this is the closest thing they’ll get to a promise in regards to this. “Seriously though, I’m fine. The doctor thinks I’ll be home in a week or so.”

Even so, Maddie still fusses over him while Chim and Bobby keep up the conversation. Eddie, meanwhile, continues to hang back, trying his absolute best to shove down a conflicting range of emotions, and work out just what he’s going to do about them.

Bobby is the first to leave, obviously relieved to see that Buck is conscious and stable. On his way out, he pauses next to Eddie.

“You’re overthinking it,” Bobby says quietly, so that only Eddie hears. “Just be honest with him. I think you’ll be surprised at how well it goes.”

“Is it that obvious?” Eddie asks, more than a little panicked that he hasn't been hiding it as well as he thought.

Bobby doesn’t respond, instead just giving him a look before he leaves, and it’s answer enough.

If the Captain knows, there’s a not small chance that Hen and Chim know, and probably Athena too. And if Chim knows, then Maddie definitely knows, and Dios, that’s a realisation all of its own.

Eddie hazards a glance to the others. Maddie is too busy with Buck, but Chim notices, and gives him a look as well.

They definitely know.

Eddie barely has any time to come to grips with the fact that his massive crush on his best friend is apparently public knowledge at the firehouse before Chim and Maddie begin to leave as well.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow!” Maddie promises, as she and Chim make their way out.

“Looking forward to it!” Buck says, with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.  As soon as she leaves though, Buck deflates, no longer needing to keep up his energetic charade.

Eddie knows that Buck considers himself a burden to others. He sees it in the way that he always puts others first, and how he’ll always try to make others feel better at the expense of himself.

It speaks volumes about how far they’ve come, that Buck is comfortable enough around him to let his walls drop. To be vulnerable.

Eddie takes the spot right next to Buck that Maddie was previously occupying, making a mental note to not stay too long. Buck really does need to rest, but Eddie just needs a bit more time to convince himself he’s really okay.

As he sits, Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s arm, just above his wrist. It’s grounding, to feel his warm skin, a reminder that he’s alive.

“Tell Chris I’m sorry I’ll miss pizza night this Friday.” Buck says, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“I’m sure he’ll understand.” Eddie says, because he will. He’s such a good kid. He’ll bring Chris to visit him in a few days, when Buck has more of his energy back.

It says so much though, about the kind of person that Buck is. Even in a hospital bed, he’s still thinking about others first.

As bad as it sounds, it frustrates Eddie sometimes, seeing just how selfless Buck can be. Like he doesn’t think he’s worth the worry.

And now that he’s seen it for himself, that he knows that Buck’s okay, Eddie starts to get just a little bit angry. He can feel it, how the rage simmers just beneath the surface of his skin.

How could Buck do something so reckless? Does he really not see what it does to others, to those around him? Or does he just not care?

His internal strife must be pretty obvious, because after a moment, Buck asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Really?” Eddie barks out a humourless laugh at the absurdity of the question. “You almost died, Buck.” His voice drops to a hiss, sharper than he intended it to be. He catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

And just like that, Eddie’s furious all over again. How can Buck joke about something like this? “Buck—“

“Eddie.”

“This is serious. You can’t just do things like that.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “I thought I’d heard something, so I went and checked. What if someone was still in there? Am I supposed to just leave them behind?”

Yes, Eddie wants to say, but he knows that Buck is right. He probably would have gone back to check as well. He’s not going to win the argument on this front, so he changes tact.

“You almost died, again,” Eddie repeats, because really, that’s the important part here.

“But I didn’t,” Buck insists.

Eddie sighs again. They’re just going around in circles. He looks down, to where his hand is still holding Buck’s wrist. Now is the time for honesty. How would he have felt, if Buck had died and he never told him just how much he means to him?

But this isn’t about him - if nothing else, Buck should know that somebody loves him, the way he deserves to be.

“You can’t keep doing this, Buck. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Eddie confesses. "I can't lose you.

"You won't." Buck promises, as if he could ever keep a promise like that.

He could take the easy way out, and just leave it there, especially since words so often fail him. But he refuses to back down, this time. Steeling himself, Eddie reaches out to grasp Buck’s hand, twining their fingers together. His skin is rough, calloused from hard work, but the pulse that beats against Eddie’s palm is comforting.

Buck's eyes go wide at the contact.

He meets Eddie's eyes, realisation dawning on his face.

"Oh."

His gaze flicks down to Eddie's lips and back up.

Taking a chance, Eddie leans in, closing the last few inches of distance between them. The kiss is gentle and chaste, but full of promise. Eddie breaks away after a moment, cognizant of Buck’s injured state. But before he can pull away, Buck reaches up with his free hand and pulls him right back in.

Their second kiss is just as good as the first, and Eddie melts into the softness of Buck’s lips against his own.

A pained exhale snaps Eddie back to reality and he reluctantly pulls away. “You’re not well.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, slightly breathless but not seeming to mind. “Besides, I’ve really been hoping that would happen for a while now.”

“Me too,” Eddie says, heart thrumming in his chest. After a moment, he adds, “Why did you never say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had, not when I didn’t know how you felt,” Buck admits. “I know that I have a reputation, and I didn’t want you to think that’s all it was about.”

“I never would have thought that,” Eddie says, his heart clenching at the words. He may not have ever met ‘Buck 1.0’, but in the time he’s known Buck, he’s never been anything less than loyal and selfless. He doesn’t like that Buck thinks he’d judge him for his past. “But, same. About not wanting to ruin it.”

“I love you,” Buck blurts out. “Sorry, I know that’s a lot, really early, but it’s true.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie quickly reassures. “It’s not too much, at all. I love you too.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh. “God, we’re both idiots.”

“Yeah, we are.” Eddie ducks his head to hide his fond grin. “So what happens now?”

“I’m going to date you so hard.” Buck states, absolutely beaming.

“Well first, how about we work on getting you out of here?” Eddie starts. He can’t seem to pull himself away from Buck, although Buck doesn’t seem to want to let go either. “And then I take you out to dinner?”

“If you insist.”

*

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a like/kudos or comment, either here or on the Archive (Fic Link).  I’m always up to talk Buddie, 9-1-1 and fandom in general, so please feel free to come chat with me, here on tumblr or on my twitter. Thanks again  ❤️

[fuabloboi]

The Treehouse

Day 2 of @petopher-events March 2021 - Kid fic

1982

“Hey! That’s my tree!” Chris peeked down, rubbing his face with the back of his arm as he heard a high-pitched fierce voice.

He groaned, running a hand over his short bristly hair. All he wanted was some peace and quiet. Chris had just been beaten to a pulp by his father, and he was aware that if Gerard saw him cry, he would be battered all over again. He had ended up on a sturdy tree in the preserve after sneaking out the window, silently sobbing to himself. There was nowhere else Chris could have gone. If he tried to run away, Gerard would have still found him and he would have been returned to the Argent household by someone else. Sadly, his father had way too much influence over the county and its people.

“Shut up, it hasn’t got your name on it.” he shouted back.

“As a matter of fact, yes it does.” the voice cried out in reply.

Chris turned his head and caught sight of the initials ‘P. H.’ engraved onto the bark. He almost fell off when he faced forwards and saw a little dark-haired boy with big blue eyes perched opposite him.

“See.” he tilted his head.

“Well, now it’s got mine.” Chris muttered, fishing the pocket knife he carried everywhere and carving his own initials leaving a gap next to the other.

The boy rolled his eyes but outstretched his arm, “I’m Peter. Are you- are you okay?”

“Chris,” he said, shaking the boy’s hand, “And yeah I’m fine.”

“Don’t look like it.”

There wasn’t a single day he didn’t have a black eye, a bruise, or a cut. Gerard always found some reason to punish him and not even his own mother could do anything about it. He wasn’t even sure of how he was alive at that point.

“It doesn’t matter.” he replied hastily and asked, “How old are you?”

“Six.” Peter told him and continued, “What about you?”

“I’m twelve. And how’d you get up here so fast?” Chris inquired since he was confused as to how a six-year-old could race up such a tall tree.

Peter’s deep blue eyes briefly flashed in a golden yellow, and Chris realized that this kid was what Gerard wanted him to hunt down; a werewolf. However, unlike the vivid picture of bloodthirsty savage werewolves and their young that Gerard had painted in his head, the boy didn’t seem like a threat at all. Chris saw him as a human, not a monster.

Peter gasped suddenly, “You’re one of them aren’t you?”

“One of who?” he raised an eyebrow.

“The Argents.” the boy stated calmly.

Chris flinched and nodded at him. He had expected Peter to be afraid of him, and even run away, but he hadn’t. He sat completely unfazed and Chris was surprised.

“What are you doing here?” Peter questioned again.

“Nothing really. It’s peaceful up here and I like it.” he lied. Peter didn’t need to know why he actually came there. Chris wasn’t even sure whether the wolf would have understood if he had been honest.

“Cool!” the boy stared at him before exclaiming with a grin, revealing the absence of a few teeth, making Chris smile as well.

*

“Hey!” Peter greeted, hurtling up the tree and settling in front of him.

“Hey, Peter. What’s this?” Chris smiled at the boy and asked when he held out an energy bar packed in a blue wrapper.

“What it looks like, obviously.” he regarded, waving it, “Take it. I got it for you.”

“Me? Why?” he said, taking it from the wolf’s hands and tearing it open.

“You ask too many questions. I brought it thinking you might be here when I came.” Peter answered, digging into another energy bar that he had kept in his pocket.

“Well, thanks.” Chris replied, taking a bite.

He knew his father would have him whipped for accepting food from a werewolf without a second thought, but he was too famished to care. Gerard didn’t only beat him, he also starved Chris as punishment. The bar tasted like heaven and he wolfed it down. He was more than glad that Peter had brought it for him and yet he was also puzzled.

“You were hungry, I sensed it yesterday.” Peter revealed, licking his fingers.

“Really?” Chris said and stuffed the wrapper in his jacket pocket, “Why did you bring it, though? Why did you trust me? You know I’m… one of them.”

Chris didn’t even want to mention his own last name. He detested being an Argent and being referred to by that name.

“You smell nice.” Peter responded matter-of-factly, but Chris was confused.

He had loathed his own scent, however, with time he had grown accustomed to it. Chris knew he smelled of dried blood combined with sweat and he was pretty sure that didn’t smell nice. Horrible and disgusting seemed more likely.

“Excuse me, what?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, Ta said that people who smell nice are good people and I can trust them.” Peter explained.

“Ta?”

“Talia, my sister. She started taking care of me after Ma and Pa- after they went to a better place.”

Everyone had heard the term ‘a better place’ at some point in their lives and that was when Chris pieced it together. Peter wasn’t just any ordinary werewolf who lived in Beacon Hills.

“You- you’re a Hale.” Chris stated wide-eyed.

“Yup.” Peter said bobbing his head.

It had taken place about a year ago when he was eleven and Chris could remember it clearly. Gerard had gloated to his fellow hunters about his achievement of being able to capture and kill both Richard and Emilia Hale, the two oldest members of the family, who were also widely known in the supernatural world. He had seen them briefly and to him, they seemed like genuinely pleasant people. His father had told him that Chris wasn’t old enough to understand, but he was sure that Gerard wasn’t doing something right if he could so heartlessly torture him. He had come to acknowledge that Gerard had the best interest to no one and only for himself.

1986

Chris yawned, his legs dangling from the tree and Peter was munching on an apple, murdering it with his fangs. The wolf was taller now and his hair had grown, the fringe covering his forehead and just above his eyes. It had been a gloomy day and Chris had made it to the tree right after training. He had been beaten again and his body had ached so much that he struggled to get on the tree, but Peter had helped him up and offered an apple.

They had been meeting every day for four years now and Gerard, thankfully, hadn’t suspected a thing. It was most probably since his younger sister Katherine had been born three years ago. The young wolf would arrive with food and they’d sit there together, sometimes talking and sometimes silent.

As a result of their conversations, Chris had discovered that Talia, Peter’s older sister was the alpha of the Hale pack and was the mother to a little wolf girl named Laura. He also found out that Peter was prone to have fits of rage, destroying his own toys. However, Peter had mentioned that he felt comfortable with him and Chris had never witnessed such behavior from the wolf.

“Christopher?” the boy called out.

Peter had begun to call him ‘Christopher’ instead of what everyone else called him in his life and Chris found that amusing. He liked the boy and he didn’t mind meeting him each day for the rest of his life. Chris wondered whether things would change by then, whether he’d escape Gerard and there would be no more hunting, a world where he and Peter could meet freely, no violence, no death, just peace, and happiness.

“Yeah?” he replied lazily, yawning again. Chris was still tired and he needed to nap. He couldn’t do that at home, and as uncomfortable as it would be, Chris felt like sleeping up on the tree.

“What do you think about a treehouse?” Peter suggested with a grin, chucking away the remainder of the apple.

“I like that.” Chris smiled, “But… only if you help me build one.”

Peter rolled his eyes and groaned, “Of course you’d say that. Fine, I’ll help.”

“Great. We start tomorrow. I’m gonna nap.” he muttered to the wolf before closing his eyes, cozying himself on the not-so-comfy branch.

“Well, I’ll be here protecting you.” Peter said and Chris laughed a little.

“And what are you going to do if someone tries to kill us?” He opened an eye to look at the Hale.

In an instant, Peter drew his claws and tried to growl menacingly. Chris thought that it was adorable.

1988

“Christopher!!!” Peter exclaimed, jumping off the tree and launching himself onto Chris, wrapping him in a tight hug. The wolf was twelve and several inches shorter than him but was obviously stronger than most kids his age.

“Peter, woah geez I’m human.” he laughed, stuck inside the rib-crushing hug.

“Happy 18th Birthday! Well, late birthday.” the boy shouted, hugging him tighter.

“Thank you, kiddo.” Chris groaned and Peter let go of him, grinning.

It had been Chris’ birthday the week before and he had been in Japan, doing his first gun deal with the goddamn Yakuza. Gerard’s idea of a birthday present was putting him in a near-death situation and Chris wasn’t even surprised. The experience had been extremely unsettling and so terrible, that he wanted to forget his 18th birthday. He had informed Peter about it a few days before but not many details as even Chris had been unaware of what he was going into until he had made it to the venue.

“What happened? You look pretty shaken up.” Peter eyed him, suspiciously.

“Yeah, it wasn’t that great. It was a gun deal with the Yakuza and it didn’t go that well, but I’m alive, right? So that’s what matters.” Chris managed a weak smile. He knew he couldn’t lie and Peter was always worried about him so he kept the details of figures materializing out of the shadows with swords similar to ninjatos to himself.

“The ya- what?” the wolf blinked at him.

“It’s like Japanese mafia, Pete.” he answered, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Woah geez. Are you hurt?” Peter raised an eyebrow at him.

“Nah, nah I’m good.” Chris smiled. He was telling the truth in a way. Though he was injured then, he was better now and he was used to the pain regardless.

“Well enough of that. We’re going to have a proper celebration.” the boy smirked and Chris wanted to facepalm himself. He was sure that Peter would have planned something. It was just the way he was. Chris had never wanted anything for his birthday but the wolf would get him small trinkets and he appreciated it very much.

Chris had genuinely been surprised when Peter had introduced him as his best friend to the rest of the Hales. Peter’s sister Talia had dinner prepared and even baked a cake with ‘Happy 18th Birthday Chris!’ on it. Peter had made him what seemed like a bracelet with a little piece of wood shaped like a tree, which Chris assumed was to signify how they met. He had almost cried at the Hale House. He had never been so happy and no one had ever done anything so amazing for him. The Hales had treated Chris like he was one of their own and given him a birthday that he would never forget. The next morning Chris had sneaked back into the house, and Gerard hadn’t noticed his disappearance as always.

1992

“Christopher!” Peter yelled, and he could detect the excitement in his voice, “I did it!”

Chris sniggered as he slipped the wolf figurine that he had been carving for the past hour into his left jacket pocket. He sheathed the knife in his boot, stepped out, and settled on a branch before hanging upside down to greet the wolf.

“I did my first evolved shift!” he panted as he came to a halt.

It took a while for Peter to come into view and Chris shut his eyes when he did, almost plummeting onto the ground below.

“Why are you naked?” Chris groaned.

“What do you- have you seen wolves wearing clothes?” Peter whined back.

“Go get yourself some clothes or I’m leaving.” he said, with his eyes still closed.

There was another whine from the younger boy and it made him snicker. He loved how Peter could always lighten up his mood somehow. It was good and he felt lucky to have the wolf in his life. It had been ten years since they had met and Chris’ life had changed for the better though his father still made his life a living hell. Peter made him forget all of it when they spent time together.

“Ughhh will you come with me? Please, please, pretty please Christopher?”

“Fine.”

Chris landed onto his feet with a flip without opening his eyes and Peter snorted, before snarling. When he glanced in the direction of the sound, Chris saw a wolf with dark black sleek fur. He lowered himself onto one knee so he could run his hand through Peter’s coat. He let out something like a satisfied purr and Chris got back onto his feet. Then they were off, sprinting through the preserve back to the Hale house. Peter was quick, but Chris managed to keep up with him.

Once they had arrived at the residence, Peter shot up the stairs to his room. He came back down in his usual V-neck and jeans with a pout. His hair was shorter now and in a mess as always, yet Chris considered it to look good on him. The two of them went back to their tree, this time walking slowly.

They spent the day chasing each other around through the trees. Chris felt like an idiot for playing, but he was having fun and soon he became comfortable. It was pretty late when Chris was feeling exhausted, so Peter decided that they should take a swim in the lake. They fooled around for a couple of minutes and it was when they dried off to get dressed that Chris remembered about the wolf he had carved. When they got back to the treehouse, Chris had gifted the figurine to an astonished Peter. The wolf had adored it from first sight and thanked him endlessly. Since it was dark, they silently lied down next to each other on the wooden floor. Chris was an adult so he knew that Gerard didn’t give a damn about him as long as he was at the house in the morning.

“Christopher, can I say something?” Peter suddenly spoke up.

“Yeah?” he responded, turning to the side and propping himself up on his elbow.

“I- I- it’s hard to say.” he chuckled lightly, “Never mind.”

“Just go on Pete.” Chris hummed at the boy.

“I- I like you. A lot. You know- more- more than just a friend. I- I just didn’t understand it before.” he mumbled, stuttering a little.

Chris sighed, closing his eyes and lying on his back once more.

“Peter, you’re sixteen. What you feel- it’s not love. It’s just something you feel at this age as you grow.” he explained, “You will know what it’s like to be in love when you’re older, but this as much as you think it is, it isn’t.”

“Okay.” said Peter, softly and Chris flinched as he detected the hurt in the Hale’s voice.

‘I smiled sadly for a love I could not obey’ from David Bowie’s Lady Stardust started ringing in his head, because that’s exactly what he was doing now.

He had acknowledged that there was more than just a brotherly affection he felt towards Peter. He wanted to wrap the wolf in his arms, love him and protect him, but it just wasn’t right. Peter was a sixteen-year-old. He was still a boy in high school while Chris - he was twenty-two; an adult. Chris was disgusted by his own self for the attraction he had to the teenager. It may just be a six year age gap, but Peter was a kid and he wasn’t. It was wrong and Chris detested that he couldn’t view Peter as just his best friend anymore.

Even if their ages weren’t a problem, anything else between them would only give Gerard more reason to harm Peter if he found out. Chris didn’t give a damn about what happened to him. He needed the wolf to be safe no matter what and it would break him if Peter was hurt. It was a sacrifice that he had to make, so they wouldn’t lose what they already had. To Gerard, it wouldn’t be just about loving a werewolf, but also about loving a man.

1993

Peter was already at the treehouse when Chris got there. They were still the best of friends even after the confession from Peter almost a year ago. Things remained just the same and the younger boy didn��t make any advances. This day Chris had news. News that was going to change his life and possibly affect their friendship as well.

“Hey, Pete.” Chris greeted as he settled himself opposite Peter on the wooden floor.

“Christopher.” Peter smiled at him. He had grown into a beautiful man now and Chris still could recall the six-year-old with the missing teeth. Chris had literally watched him grow through the years.

“I’ve- I’ve got news. I’m getting-” he started to say, but was soon interrupted.

“Married next week,” Peter finished his sentence and Chris frowned, “What? All of the supernatural world knows. A hunter family visiting Beacon Hills? It’s obvious. Besides, news spreads around here fast.”

He stared at Peter with his jaw dropped and then nodded. The wolf was right about all of it and Gerard had planned it to be a grand wedding. The funny thing about that was the fact that Chris had never seen the girl he was going to marry or even heard her name. Obviously, Gerard was doing it for his own benefit. He pondered over the question of what it would be like to live with a stranger for the rest of his life.

“Yes.” he said, confirming what Peter had said.

“Well, I’ve got some news too, Christopher.” Peter spoke again, his tone slightly somber.

“What’s that?” Chris inquired.

“I’m leaving. For college that is.” his voice was soft, and Chris couldn’t believe that he had forgotten. Of course, Peter was going to leave. He had mentioned that he was contemplating that decision some time ago. Maybe Chris had been thinking that it wouldn’t come to that.

“Where to?” he asked the boy.

“Oh, that- no idea yet. I’ve got a little more time.” Peter grinned and Chris cracked up.

They spent that entire day together as there was a possibility that it would be the last one they could meet each other freely. It was as much as he could have. Though Chris loved him too, they would be star-crossed lovers and he just wanted to save Peter from that pain.

1998

“Daddy, where thish?” the little dark-haired fair girl in Chris’ arms chirped.

“We’re going to see my good friend, Ally sweetheart.” he said, kissing the top of her head. She was four but insisted on being carried and Chris just couldn’t say no.

“Okay, Daddy.” she hummed, resting her head against his collarbone.

It had been a long while since he had gone back to the treehouse. Chris had become busier with the business and had the responsibility of sustaining a family. Besides, Peter was away as well and he missed the wolf dearly. It was tough at first, not being able to meet his best friend, talk to him or hear of how he was doing. Even if it got easier with time, the Hale was on Chris’ mind every single day and the feelings were still there though he was a husband, a father.

Talia had secretly informed Chris that Peter would be returning to Beacon Hills because she had figured that he’d want to see the wolf again. She didn’t know of his feelings but knew how close they had been.

“Peter!” Chris called out when he arrived at the tree.

“Christopher!” there was a roar and Peter landed, leaping off the tree. Allison stared in amusement.

Chris caught his breath when he got a proper look at Peter. His hair had grown slightly, but it was still the gorgeous mess it used to be. He hadn’t changed much, but Chris could see that Peter had matured, despite the goofy grin on his face. Peter wasn’t a boy. He was a man. It hurt Chris. Seeing the one he always wanted. The one he couldn’t have.

“And who is this angel, then?” Peter spoke first, beaming at his daughter.

“Allison, my daughter.” Chris smiled at the Hale, “Allison, this is Peter, my best friend.”

The words sounded almost bitter in his mouth. Best friends. That was all they could be, but at least they had that.

“Hello, Allison.” the wolf said, waving at her and Chris removed her from his chest, holding her towards Peter.

“Hi, Peter.” she chuckled at him.

Peter raised an eyebrow and Chris insisted with a nod. The wolf gently took Allison into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck instantly. He gazed at him, thrilled. Chris was glad that Allison was comfortable with him since every time Gerard was nearby, she’d break down crying. He didn’t blame her and kept her away from the man as much as he could. It was also amazing to see Peter so happy after years of not meeting each other.

They chatted as Peter gave Allison a piggyback and played with her, fooling around. Chris got the idea that Peter was great with kids and then realized that he was already an uncle to a sixteen-year-old girl, a ten-year-old boy as well as a four-year-old girl. He tried to picture what it would be like to raise a child with Peter, but soon let that thought go because it hurt too much.

As they talked, the wolf revealed that he didn’t want to go to law school, since he didn’t want to stay away from the pack for much longer and didn’t need a job for himself. He also wanted to be where Chris was. That piece of information made Chris feel better and even if they couldn’t hang out in their treehouse, there was a chance they could run into each other frequently.

When evening arrived, Chris decided that it was high time to leave. His wife Victoria would be paranoid and there was no cell signal in that area. Allison also seemed to be exhausted after playing. They had stayed there for a good amount of time. Before they said their goodbyes, Chris wrapped his arms around Peter and pulled him into a tight hug. He gently ruffled his hair like he did when they were younger, earning a snicker from the Hale in return. It had been forever since they last hugged and Chris missed it more than he could fathom.

“Hey, sweetie. I need you to help me.” Chris told Allison as they got to the edge of the preserve.

“Yes, Daddy?” she asked, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Can you promise me that you won’t tell anyone about Peter? And if someone asks where we were, will you tell them we were at the park? Can you do that for me?” he requested. Chris had wanted Peter to meet Allison and he knew what could take place if anyone else found out about that.

“I promise. I will do that.” she grinned at him and then frowned, “But why?”

“You’ll understand when you get older, sweetie.” Chris pressed his lips to the side of her head.

“Okay, Daddy. Park.” she yawned, falling asleep on Chris.

2003

Chris crept down the stairs with his flashlight, trying to make the least sound possible. It didn’t take him long to make out Peter and Derek hiding in the dark.

“Pete, Der?” he whispered to them.

He had managed to shake off Gerard and the other hunters before making it to the Nemeton. Peter had brought him there a couple of times and he figured that it would be where Peter and Derek ran off to. Though it would take the others a while to find the Nemeton, Gerard wouldn’t stop at tracking the wolves down, so Chris had to make sure they got away safely. He didn’t want to see what would happen to them otherwise. Peter was usually up to no good and Chris made sure to keep an eye on him as much as he could. It also didn't help that there were three other werewolf packs in Beacon Hills at the time. It could be a jackpot for Gerard.

“Yeah?” Chris heard Peter’s voice answer him, but his tone was more of a question.

“You have to get out now. Gerard- he’s coming.” he informed them and, both Peter and Derek slowly made their way towards Chris.

“Hey.” Derek said, his expression showing slight fear. The boy was about fifteen.

“Hey, Der.” Chris replied with a smile and glanced at Peter. He swore that the older wolf only got more attractive each time he saw him, which really wasn’t much. They met, but not as frequently as they used to and it almost tore Chris into pieces. He missed Peter terribly and when he lay in bed at night, Chris knew that he wanted Peter next to him instead of Victoria, and she was aware of that as well. She didn't know about Peter, but she did know that Chris wasn't exactly in love with her since it was the same with her for Chris.

Peter moved forward to hug him but Chris deflected it by grabbing his arm. He pouted and groaned.

"Peter, seriously, you need to be more careful. Gerard is so much more on alert these days and I- Peter- I don't…" Chris tried to say and faltered because the lump that formed in his throat didn't allow him to speak further.

Peter put his arms around Chris, wrapping him into a tight hug, "Don't worry, Christopher. I'll be fine."

"Don't you 'I'll be fine' me, Peter. I always worry about you. Promise to me that you'll take care." Chris told the younger man, ruffling his hair.

"Yes, I promise." he mumbled, resting his chin on Chris' shoulder.

Chris wished that the hug could go on for longer. However, they had to get moving now and hugs were for a later time. He pulled away from Peter begrudgingly before it got to the point that he couldn’t bring himself to let go of the wolf. It felt like torture.

He led them out from what looked like a root cellar as quickly as he could. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around just yet. Chris glanced at Peter.

“Yeah, I don’t hear anyone. I think we can get back home safely.” Peter said, reading Chris’ mind, “Der, go on. I’ll be right behind you.”

The teenager nodded and hurried off, disappearing among the trees.

Peter gazed at him, “I’ll see you around I guess.”

“Remember your promise?” Chris asked the Hale.

“Yes, Christopher. I promise I’ll take care.” Peter answered with a smirk and then he was gone, leaving Chris all on his own by the Nemeton.

2004

Chris’ heart was heavy in his chest. He had contacted Peter a few days ago and asked to meet him at the treehouse. He and Victoria had decided to leave Beacon Hills and stay away from Gerard. Victoria didn’t want Allison to be exposed to the supernatural and Chris didn’t either. Chris was sure that Gerard would try to snake his way into the little girl’s mind and twist her views like he did with his younger sister Kate. Even if Gerard didn’t take that route, Chris didn’t want Allison to live through a childhood similar to his. He didn’t want his daughter to grow up to hunt those similar to Peter. Those two were the people in Chris’ life that he loved the most and it would kill him if something happened to either one of them.

He climbed the tree and got himself onto the treehouse to see that Peter was sitting there waiting for him.

“Christopher, what’s going on? You asked to meet me.” Peter said, studying him intently.

“Yeah, Peter, I have news.” Chris told him with a sigh.

Peter raised an eyebrow, rising to his feet, “News? Last time you said that you were going to get married. You’re not getting married again are you?”

Chris chuckled softly, shaking head at the wolf, “No, Peter, I’m not getting married again. I’m- we- we’re leaving Beacon Hills.

“Leaving? You’re going? For how long?” Peter inquired, astounded.

Chris shrugged. They weren’t sure whether they’d ever move back and that was what hurt the most. He would likely never see Peter ever again. Though, Chris was ready if that was what it took to not have to watch his daughter hunt down Peter and his family.

The wolf launched onto Chris, taking him into a tight hug. Chris stumbled backward, but regained his footing and wrapped his arms around Peter. His heart shattered when he heard a sniffling sound.

“Hey, Pete…” Chris choked out the words, stroking Peter’s head with one hand and rubbing his back with the other.

“I- I know we haven’t seen each other much lately, but- but you’re my best friend. You- you were always there for me for most of my life.” he mumbled, “I’ll- I’ll miss you, Christopher. What will I do without you?”

“I’ll miss you too, Pete, but that’s how things are. I’m sorry. I just want you to be safe. You’ll do great without me, I’m sure.” Chris said to Peter, ruffling the younger man’s hair.

Peter silently clung to him a little longer and then finally spoke, “Promise me you’d at least let me know you’re alive from time to time?”

“Promise.”

They spent the rest of the day walking through the preserve that had been a home to them. Chris tried to take it all in before he left. The preserve had been his sanctuary and had given him his best friend.

2011

In just one night, Chris’ entire world crashed down upon him as he watched helplessly. It started off when Stiles had implied that Kate had set the Hale House on fire and unfortunately, it all made sense to him. The idea that someone of his blood was the reason for the demise of a family that actually cared about him, made his blood boil. His younger sister was the reason that Peter was so badly injured and in a vegetative comatose state. The sole reason Chris had left Beacon Hills was to make sure that Peter would be safe and if he had remained there, the wolf would be happy and full of life, while the other Hales would still be alive.

It had gotten even worse subsequently when it was revealed that it was in fact Peter who was the alpha. The bloodthirsty alpha committing all the murders in Beacon Hills. The alpha that Chris had returned to Beacon Hills to hunt. His best friend was the alpha. His beloved Peter was the monster that Chris was attempting to kill.

That wasn’t all. Peter had murdered Kate, ripping her throat out with his claws, that too in front of Allison. Then Peter had been set on fire before having his own throat ripped out by Derek, right in front of Chris’ eyes and he just stood there, unable to do anything. Everything he was used to and everyone he had known was different and he assumed that was what pain did to people.

Chris wished he could have done more. He could have intervened. He could have tried to help Peter this time. But he didn’t and so now here he was at an unholy hour, back at the treehouse, sobbing to himself exactly like he did twenty nine years ago, except then there was no treehouse then. Chris could remember how he had cried when he heard about the fire and that was nothing compared to the pain he felt this night. Chris thought about how could have saved Peter from his fate, but this time he had lost Peter completely and his mind wouldn’t stop recalling the six-year-old with the missing teeth, the crazy mischievous teenager that would joke around with him, the man Chris had deeply fallen in love with. It was like a hole in his heart, one that could never be filled.

Peter was gone and Chris didn’t want to believe that. It was Peter. He didn’t just die. He just couldn’t. Chris hated everything, he hated everyone including himself. He didn’t give a fuck anymore. Nothing mattered any longer.

This was exactly what Chris had tried to avoid and all he had done was fuel it. Even if it wasn’t directly, Chris was still to blame. He had failed everyone and he wondered what Peter had been thinking when he saw Chris standing there, doing nothing for him. His best friend, not lending a hand when he was dying. Had Peter given up on Chris as he died? It broke him into pieces.

Chris looked over at where he had carved his name next to Peter’s and he raised an eyebrow. Maybe his vision was blurry from the crying but he could make out a plus sign between their names. He rubbed his eyes and looked again to see just that. Had some kid found their treehouse and done that?

Or had it been Peter?

Had the wolf still had those feelings for him from almost two decades ago? Had Peter still loved Chris despite the rejection, despite Chris getting married to a woman? Had Peter yearned for him when he was away from Beacon Hills? Had Peter carved the sign between their names because it was his little secret since no one would know what it meant and since he thought Chris wouldn’t see it as he wouldn’t come back? Did Peter love Chris as he lay on the preserve floor, seconds away from his death? Chris would never have those answers because he was too late, too idiotic, and foolish.

His heart ached even more. If Peter did love him, he would have died thinking that Chris never felt the same way about him, though in reality, Chris did. He wished he would have just told the wolf the truth and then explained why they couldn’t be together.

Chris glanced at his watch, realizing that it was almost 3 in the morning. Here he was mourning a werewolf while his family mourned his younger sister. He had to get back home. Although his heart was in pain for someone else, Chris had his duties. He ran his hand over the carvings of the tree and drew back his sleeve, exposing the wrist he wore Peter’s gift and kissed it. Chris had worn it every single day of his life after receiving it and that was all he had of the wolf now.

*

Chris wasn’t sure whether his life was getting worse or better. First Kate, then Peter and now Victoria. However, Peter was back and it drove Chris mad. He had mourned for the wolf, cried his eyes out wishing he could have saved the wolf and hating himself for doing nothing. Then Peter had emerged out of nowhere at the warehouse and Chris couldn’t believe his eyes. He felt stupid for crying and he had been right when he thought that Peter didn’t just die. The fact that Peter had returned to the world of the living the exact night Victoria died baffled him. It was as if the universe willed it.

He found himself in the treehouse once again after Allison had fallen asleep. Chris was happy, and yet so furious. Couldn’t have Peter said something? Couldn’t he have left Chris a sign showing that he was alive? Chris wasn’t crying this time. Instead, he had settled on the floor with his head against the wall, eyes closed, rubbing his forehead trying to make sense of all the different emotions churning inside his system.

There were a few creaks accompanied by a shuffling sound and then a voice said, “Christopher, it’s me.”

There was no way Chris didn’t recognize that voice. It made him feel like his heart was about to melt. He opened his eyes to stare right into Peter’s, drowning in the beautiful blue ones that Chris had always had adored. The wolf was sitting in front of him, cross-legged. There was stubble on Peter’s face now and he was as gorgeous as always. Chris wanted to kiss the heck out of the man.

“I fucking hate you.” he mumbled, before springing towards Peter and into his arms, taking him into a bone-crushing hug. The familiar scent felt like home and Chris was warm inside. He melted into Peter as the wolf hugged him, gently rubbing Chris’ back, and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Chris had already forgiven the man before the apology and pulled away to look at him again. He couldn’t begin to describe how much he had missed Peter. To Chris, it had been like an eternity until he had seen Peter again. Peter smiled at him and Chris was smiling back naturally, a few tears streaming down his cheeks. He peeked at the carving and Peter cleared his throat.

“About that… It’s probably not the right time to tell you this, but I’m not sixteen anymore, so I’m sure it’s real.” he said, and produced the wolf figurine Chris had given him.

“You loved me?” Chris asked the wolf.

“No, Christopher I love you. Always have and still do.” Peter replied, taking Chris’ face in his hands.

He wasn’t sure if he was hearing wrong. Peter had loved him all along.

“But- but you didn’t…” Chris tried to say.

“I knew you must have a good reason to hide it and just stay friends with me, so I didn’t say anything again. I could still smell it on you though. Talia was the one who told it to me because she could smell it too. Heck at first, I didn’t know and I couldn’t stand myself for falling for my best friend. I was confused why you didn’t want something more between us, but I understood eventually. And now we’re here, Christopher. What have we got to lose?” Peter spoke softly, looking into his eyes and stroking his cheek.

Chris was kissing Peter before he knew it, letting loose of all the emotions that he had been bottling up for years. He had never thought this day would come, and he tightened the hug, not wanting to let go of the wolf. He couldn’t let that happen again. Peter was kissing him back passionately, and Chris got lost in all his feelings. It felt good. The taste of Peter’s lips on his, the wolf’s touch against his skin, the warmth. He pulled back, resting his head against Peter’s neck.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this but was glad that there was a chance for Peter and him. Chris could be with the one he had truly loved when he was a boy. It was possible now, though it had seemed impossible back then. They could still have a future. Peter held Chris in his arms as they stayed in the treehouse in silence. They didn’t need to say anything.

When Chris had run off to the preserve twenty nine years ago and sobbed to himself on this very tree, he had never imagined that it would lead him to happiness.