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heyidkyay · 1 year

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I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Fifteen

A/n: Hey:) There's a lot going on in this part, but also a new pov, though it's really short! Couple of surprises in here too... haven't been too active as of late either and I'm not too sure when the next part will be out, just struggling atm but I hope you enjoy fifteen!:)

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Body issues, insecurities, panic attacks, lots of emotions basically... but there's some fluff too, very lovely stuffs:)

Masterlist

“You ready?”

My head snapped up at the sound of Lee’s gentle voice. He was stood in the bathroom’s doorway waiting patiently for me, he wore a soothing smile. The unnecessary gesture helped ease my mind somewhat, but I noted that my hand was still trembling even as I moved to stand.

I nodded at him in a silent reply.

Even after the assent, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to pull myself up off the hospital bed- I had been getting better and better at it though. In truth, it had taken everything but a forklift to get me up out of it the first time around, since then things had only gotten easier for me, even with all the aches and pains. Because if there was anything anyone should know about me it was that I was stubborn to an absolute fault.

Lee didn’t comment on the pace though, nor my stiff gait as I slowly made my way towards him. Instead he simply asked me other things to keep my brain active. How I'd slept, if I'd caught up on this new show we'd both been watching, what music Matty'd had me listening to.

“Where’s our Matty today then anyway? Patients have been commenting on the sudden peace and quiet.”

I snorted and Lee, the sweetheart, gave me an apologetic smile when I winced at the sudden pain that flooded my chest. Even so, I was still unable to help the small grin I gave him.

“He’s downstairs getting breakfast with Ross.” I replied, picking at the remnants of the plaster they’d removed from my inner elbow when they’d taken the IV out. “Wanted to be on my own for this part.”

I was gifted an understanding nod in reply to my faint admission, and Lee took my good arm in his when I finally reached him. That was all that was said on the topic.

The bathroom was pretty big compared to what I’d actually pictured the first time I’d tried getting out of bed for a wee. It was a shower room, or that’s what Matty had called it. It had a sink and its very own toilet, but it was essentially just a massive shower. The head was situated on the far side wall and had a square drain just below it, but there were no dividers in the floor that separated the shower from the rest of the room. Only another long drain by the door’s threshold.

It was a pretty cool concept, but I’d yet to put it to actual use. That was what this morning was all about though. And to say that I was nervous would have been a huge fucking understatement.

I inhaled as best as I could whilst my eyes darted around the mostly void space, needing to ebb some of the anxiety I felt, but even that simple task was slowly getting easier for me. I had to admit that Dr. Mann’s advice on doing those breathing and coughing exercises had sounded inhuman and had fucking killed the first few times round, but they were working. Helping a lot actually. And that’s all I could really ask for.

Hopefully soon enough I’ll be out of this place. But I’ll easily admit that I will definitely miss all the lovely patients that have been in and out of here too, as well as some of the wards amazing staff. They’d truthfully been such a massive support system and had helped endlessly when I’d needed a distraction from my own frail state.

“You gonna be okay?” Lee questioned me then, it was a prompt, that much was sure, but his voice held so much sincerity. He was one of the few I’d come to treasure most.

I glanced towards him and forced myself to give him a verbal response, after all he’d had to put up with my silent nods and moody cues all morning.

“Yeah.” I breathed, eyes dancing away from his again, scared he’d see through my lie. “And you’ll be just outside the door, in case I need you?” I added quietly.

“Just a shout away.” Lee reassured me in that sweet tone of his, rubbing at my forearm once before evidently letting go. He gestured towards one of the bathroom’s corners, “And if you can’t shout, then try and pull that long orange rope for me, yeah? Like we spoke about.”

I swallowed then pulled my bottom lip into my mouth.

Lee must’ve known that I wasn’t in much of talkative mood, because he smiled once more and then went to take a seat back by the bed. I dragged myself to my impending doom, carefully shutting the door behind me.

I took a moment then to centre myself, locking the latch promptly, and then turned to have another look around. A towel had already been hung up for me just by the sink, one from home, and a small array of shower essentials were lined up on a hanger by the shower head, though, the mirror was what caught my immediate attention.

It was something I’d been avoiding each and every time I came in to use the sink or the toilet, now though… I almost felt myself drifting towards it. First with my eyes, unable to draw my gaze away from it for too long, and then with my body altogether. It just seemed to automatically stray in that direction.

Then with a jerk, I realised the intention there and quickly turned away before I could get a close enough look, pivoting back towards the shower head instead. I started it up.

It had been a long couple days. Tiring, although all I'd done is mainly just sleep.

They’d seemed to drag on though, so repetitive, so mundane.

Just meds, meds, meds.

And talk, talk, talk.

I wanted to be out of here already. I wanted to be back home, where I felt safe. Home, where I could hole away for a while and deal with this all properly. Instead of facing it head on whilst having to front a smile for everyone else at the same time.

One bad day. One terrible fucking evening. And now my whole world felt as though it had fallen apart. Like sand seeping through clasped hands.

Usually, I was the one who knew how to deal with it all, with everything life threw at me. I knew how to cope. I was the one who’d always coped. I had to be. I’d always been. That was just how it had always worked. With my dad, then with mum, and the guys…

The water heated beneath my palm. I let my eyes slip close.

I was devastated, honestly. That’s the only word I could use to describe the way I’d been feeling recently.

It felt like I was stuck in this never ending loop, a blackhole of nothingness. A vicious cycle of good and then shit and then fucked. Because when things were finally going good, finally getting better, life would just mow me the fuck back down. Literally, this time around, my mind unhelpfully supplied.

So as I carefully undressed and stepped under the shower's warm water, I had to try very hard not to think back to that night. To the screech of tires. To the shouts of my name. But the water it reminded me too much of the rain. It itched and it burned my skin. And it all felt a little too much.

Blindly I swatted outwards towards the shower’s temperature dial, turning it and turning it until I shocked my body back to the present with a sharp stinging cold.

I had yet to even open my eyes either. To peer down at my battered body. The scars that marred it, both new and old. And still, I wanted to cry.

I swallowed, again. But that lump I felt forming in the back of my throat was only growing. I had to lean against the wall to stabilise myself, body shaking now. Panic coming in waves. I only had one free hand, the other in its cast and wrapped up tight, impenetrable to the water. I used it to soften the fall of my head when I let it hang, unable to hold it up much longer.

My hair was wet, I could feel it clinging to the back of my neck. I promised I’d try to keep it out from under the spray, the wound they're still tender. But now it was wet and I’d gone and broken that promise. That thought only crumpled me further, cowering me in the corner just outside the spray’s cold curtain.

My chest heaved even in the frigid room and the water clung to the tiles and to my skin. It made me shiver even though I felt like I was close to melting.

My ribs hurt, my whole upper body really. And my arm slipped out from under me causing my hand fall to my side. Thoughtlessly I laid my fingertips against the skin there, wondering briefly if it was yellowing, or if it was still black and blue and purple. My breath hitched when I felt the new groove there. The line that numbed my fingers enough for them to dart away on their own accord. My arm followed just behind them and I found myself slumping, turning and slipping further down the tiled wall. Everything so cold.

I don’t know how much time passed before a tentative knock sounded on the door.

My head darted up so quickly I fretted over whether or not I’d just added whiplash to my extensive list of injuries. But I had to make sure that the door was still locked. That no one else could get in. I didn’t need anyone seeing me like this.

“Y/n? You alright in there?”

It was just Lee.

“It’s just Lee.” I whispered to myself then inhaled sharply, ignoring the heat that licked its way through my chest. I forced a bravado. “Yeah!” I called back to him over the strength of the shower, “Fine!”

“You sure?”

“‘Course! Be out soon.”

I heard his hummed assent and then saw his shadow disappear from beneath the door.

Fuck.

“Fuck!” I huffed, digging a knuckle into the corner of my eye and forcing myself to toughen up. “Fuck.” I repeated again, even softer than the last. The panic still looming.

I strained myself trying to stand, gripping the nearby bar to aid me, but I did it in the end. And I had to push everything out of my head during the next few moments that followed, strategically washing myself down and rinsing off before I could crumble again. I kept my eyes tightly shut throughout it all, dismissing the more tender areas of my mangled body and focusing on the task at hand.

I could only assume that it was over in minutes, but those minutes had felt like hours to me. It’d almost been torturous.

I was quick to step away from where I’d been toying with the spray, too scared to fully submerge myself under it again, and was cautious not to slip as I tiptoed my way over towards the towel.

It was honestly by chance that I happened to look up when I’d gotten the towel wrapped round me, only to see that I was in line with the mirror.

So I stood there, bare feet pressed against the chilly laminate tiles beneath me, and tried to keep my breaths even. Match the heartbeat I heard in my left ear. The fine cut of silver that hung above the sink stared back at me mercilessly, and although now it was slightly fogged, I couldn’t find it in myself to tear my eyes away. The girl who stood within its four harsh lines was the same person I’d always been, only this girl, she was also the person I’d been running from. Trying to escape. For so, very long.

I watched when the smudgey girl walked closer to me, then observed the way she held up a frail hand to wipe at the chilly glass. The sound it made echoed within the room but it cleared the steam.

Looking, I saw that her hair was long -unruly, really- longer than it had been in years. The ends of it they crept their way across the line of her shoulders and like ivy they intertwined, framing her features and darkening the colour that normally resided in irises so bright and alive. Those eyes were somewhat sunken this morning, hazy, hidden beneath heavy lids and black lashes that were long. The skin beneath them dark, only emphasising the vivid scarlet that rimmed her waterline and shot across the whites of her eyes like lightning.

Her cheeks were hollow which only made her look all the more gaunt. Haunted almost. And were exaggerated by the gloomy shadow of sodden hair that had fallen into her face. I blinked, watching the way she licked lightly at her muted pink lips. They were dry, bitten and frayed from hours of relentless anxiety, but parted ever so slightly that her hot breath was able to fog the mirrored glass a tad.

The face she wore was young, unlined by worry, supple yet sharp. But had also been kissed by the cruel blades of glass and falling debris, spoiled by fading bruises that crept across the skin of her jaw and temples. Those bruises trickled though, inch by inch down her body, over her shiny collarbones and beneath the towel she’d swaddled herself in.

Some, a mere few, had described her face as beautiful, effortlessly pretty, but if she was being honest, deep down she knew that it was just a mask. A disguise used to conceal everything she herself didn’t want to see, didn’t want to seep out and taint what little good remained of her.

I gazed at the sad reflection, and it gazed back at me. I had to bite back and swallow down the fear that crawled its way up my throat- because yes, she was pretty, but she was also ruined, monstrous, and marred. The accident only further proved that point and I had to stand there and just stare, picking myself up piece by piece.

And believe it or not, it wasn’t for the first time. I found myself wondering over how many pieces I'd lost, missing or scattered, like that of an overused puzzle.

—ROSS’S POV—

“Fucking stupid.” Ross mumbled hotly under his breath, wondering why he’d ever even agreed to helping out in the first place.

“Oh just piss off, Ross.”

He turned his head and sent a bored glare in the direction the voice had come from. Matty was on the other side of the room from him, playing with blankets and pillows, and just being an overall twat really.

“You piss off. How the fuck have you had me standing here for the last fifteen minutes? My arms are aching, mate.”

Matty merely rolled his eyes and Hann, who was a way away, holding up the other end which belonged to one of the endless supplies that Matty had coerced him into bringing over, sighed too. For a minute there Ross actually thought he was going to have some back up, but knew he was wrong the second Adam opened his fat mouth.

“Toughen up and hold it higher, would you?”

“Yeah, what Hann said!” Matty snarked, looking back at them from inside the fortress he’d started to build. “Besides, you’re a fucking tree, Ross, this should feel like light work to you.”

Ross’s eyes only narrowed further and he had to clench his jaw to keep from actually decking Hann and Matty both when the pair of them only continued to hassle him over his placement of the string. He just hoped that Y/n showered quickly.

—

Even though it’d been a fucking task, one which left me feeling drained and scrubbed raw. It also did feel really good to be clean again. No more blood or sweat.

I’d long since shut the shower off and had to call out to Lee to ask for the clothes I’d accidentally left on the foot of my bed in my haste to get this whole thing over with, as well as my reluctancy to even go through with it. My head had been a mess, in shorter terms, so it was just a surprise that the clothes had been the only thing I’d forgotten.

Although, instead of the neat pile I’d made, Lee had slipped a baggy through the cracked opening I'd made in the door whilst cowering behind it, wrapped up securely in my towel. I’d frowned and told him he must’ve misheard me, but the nurse only shook the bag and told me, with a small chuckle, that he definitely hadn’t misunderstood. So I’d taken it and had been so pleasantly surprised by the sight that had greeted me upon opening it up.

My dressing gown! The one I lived when I was home, the same one I’d been gifted a few years ago by my nana. It was the perfect ratio of fluffy to towel, and left you feeling as though you were wandering around a spa. I almost squealed as I draped it over my shoulders, revelling in the immense comfort it brought me even with the struggle to get my casted arm through the sleeve.

I didn’t sneak another glance in the mirror though, mostly due to the fact that I couldn’t face it, but also because already knew that I was sporting a smile. It was a very thoughtful gift and I wondered over who had the foresight to bring it to the hospital for me.

Nevertheless, I upturned the rest of the bag I’d been handed and found that the gown hadn’t been my only gift. A pair of newly brought slippers rested at the bottom, alongside a silk hair-tie and a pair of… lacy knickers.

I snorted out loud at the sight of them, instantly clueing onto the suspect at hand. Only Healy would push his luck like this. But I still slipped into them, as well as the slippers that felt like an honest to god dream. Then took the time to try and tuck the damp strands of my hair into a loose ponytail with the tie I’d been gifted, but it was a shoddy attempt due to me being only one handed and unable to tug my arms up any higher than my waist. And that was with me really trying, too.

I sighed huffily to myself and gave up after the third attempt, but didn’t let it dampen the warmth that had shrouded me since I’d received the goodie bag. Though, I did find myself having to take a couple more breaths before I actually unlocked the door and pulled it open.

I didn’t know what I’d expected waiting on the other side of it. Perhaps Lee lounging on one of the many chairs that scattered the room, or Matty and Ross pissing about after having returned from the canteen. But this.. this surely wasn’t it.

“Surprise!” The four boys shouted at me. Ross wearing a fancy tiara and grinning like a clown from where he’d made himself comfortable on the end of my bed. Hann holding a tray of cupcakes topped with chocolate and fondant whilst giving me a lopsided smile, one that sort of gave away his helpless shrug and said, ‘Sorry if you hate this but here you go’. Lee was there too, chuckling away at the picture my face must’ve made, recording it all on someones phone. And then there was Matty, who was beaming brightly just by the bathroom door with his hands hidden behind his back, rocking in place.

My mouth was wide open and swinging in complete truth, this was all so incredible. From the buffet of snacks that had been smuggled in, as well as the banners and streamers that were hung up on the walls, to the balloons which littered the corners of the room and made the entrance to the pillow fortress that had been made even grander.

My eyes, watering and bright, darted between the four as I struggled to find the right words to say, or any words at all.

“Wow.” Was what I settled on and chuckled along with the rest of them even when Matty pulled me into a hug. “Did you plan all this?” I whispered out loud, wet gaze still jumping around what had once been my dreary hospital room.

Matty’s grin when he pulled away from me was only that much brighter and he nodded at me rapidly before he asked, “You like it then?”

“Like it?” I breathed out in awe, “I fucking love it.”

I turned to the rest of them on shaky feet, “Thank you. All of you. I- I don’t know what to say to be honest.”

“How about dig in?” Ross decided for me, already jumping up to cross the room. My attention followed his. “I picked up a Chinese a while ago and it’s been sat in that bag just waiting for me.”

I cracked an airy chuckle and rolled my eyes at him before gesturing to go ahead. “By all means, mate. Hate for you to go hungry on my account.”

Matty snorted from beside me and I glanced over when he leant in closer and whispered, “Watched him eat three cookies and eight of them mini sausage rolls before I had to have Hann take over unpacking everything for him.”

“Sounds about right.” I hummed, taking a cupcake from Adam when he approached whilst Matty darted his way over to take the phone from Lee. I could only assume that they'd started watching it when the two of them begun chuckling and smiling down at the thing. “Thanks again, for the cupcake and the party.” I smiled towards Adam and took a small bite out of the side of the frosted treat, “So, who’s bright idea was all this then?”

Hann quirked a brow in retort that told me more than his smirk ever did. “Do you even need to ask?” He jerked his chin back over towards the curly haired prat in the corner. “Texted me late last night, wanting to cheer you up.”

Ah.

I nodded at Hann slowly. Last night had been a tough one. I’d felt grim. The pain wouldn’t subside so I couldn't sleep. And I was non-stop crying. Just fraying at the edges, waiting to come undone.

Matty had been there though, alongside the doctors and Lee. I hated the thought of them seeing me like that, so weak and fragile. Even a bit embarrassed about the whole charade now I was stood with Hann. I tried to ignore it.

“Carls should be by too,” Adam mentioned to me, “Wanted to stop in after work.”

I grinned, I loved the party they'd thrown but seeing Carly right now would probably top seeing Bowie play live. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I’d only seen her in brief passing this week, when I’d been hazing in and out of sleep due to the medication I’d been on. But I did know that she’d stopped by an awful lot though, I’d woken up to see flowers on the sill, and my favourite chocolates on the side. Her lovely perfume always seemed to linger too.

The late morning quickly bled into afternoon and I found myself forgetting about pain and hurt and lies. Just bathing in the warmth I felt surrounding me. Lee had gone back to making his rounds but said he’d be stopping in again before he finished. Leaving me with two adult children and an annoyingly loved up couple when Carly finally arrived. I made the most of it though, because I loved them. And I could see the amount of love they had for me in return during the time we spent playing board games and talking and gossiping about ours lives and just laughing.

It all felt so surreal.

It was actually long past visiting hours when the nurse on-duty finally had to kick Ross, Hann and Carly out- but they’d only been able to stay as long as they had because no one else on the ward had had any complaints about them, seeing as we’d passed around the shit ton of food Matty had gone and ordered.

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling away though even as the door shut behind the three. I was sad to see them go but still so energised by the good time we’d had.

“Oi.”

My head turned towards where Matty’s voice had come from and frowned when he was nowhere to be seen.

“Matty? Where the fuck are you?” I asked around an amused snort. I really shouldn’t have been all that surprised when he stuck his head out of the fort he'd made with spare sheets and filled with pillows, but somehow I was.

“You coming or what?” He beckoned me.

I stared a him for a very long second before an airy laugh escaped me, the only sort that didn’t seem to hurt all that much these days. And without another word said, I stood and made my way over to join him, smiling in appreciation when he gave me his hand so that I could lower myself down onto the floor.

“Your castle awaits you and all that crap.” Matty whispered to me with a goofy grin and helped settle me into a comfortable position, one where a mountain of pillows was able to cocoon my body.

Once I was okay and ignoring the twitch in my back, I could finally glance about the place. I hadn’t had the chance to look it over before with all the excitement that'd been going on, but it really was incredible. Somehow Matty had managed to wrangle up an impressive number of sheets which stretched from one side of my bed over to two chairs he’d found, he’d strung up a few strings of battery operated fairy lights that trailed from one end to another, and had my laptop already opened up to Netflix.

The smile I broke into stretched my skin when Matty pressed play and the intro to one of my all-time favourite films begun to play. It then grew impossibly wider when he pulled a bowl of popcorn out of nowhere and nestle it between us.

I had to reel it in a tad, I knew that, but it was hard. I didn't think many people had gone so above and beyond for me before. I felt truly loved.

“This better be salted, Healy.” I told him with a mock stern expression, cautiously taking a piece from the bowl.

Matty rolled his eyes at me, “Yes, alright, Drama queen. Don’t have a conniption on me.”

My mouth quirked on its own accord. “Be the best place for it, but I’d hate to go and ruin your plans.”

With an exasperated shake of his head and a hidden smile that wasn’t quite so hard to see, Matty stole a handful and popped some into his gob. “It’s salted, princess. Promise.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “For your sake you’d better not be lying.”

He laughed happily. “What’ve you got against sweet? Or buttered, or God forbid-”

I shot a hand out to clasp it over his mouth. “If you dare say toffee, I swear.”

“Toffee.” Matty finished, having licked my palm to free himself from my hold. I grimaced at both the foul gesture and the flavour.

“It’s the worst kind!”

“As opposed to stuffing your face with salt? It just dries your mouth out.”

I levelled him with a serious look, “Says the man inhaling it.”

Matty shrugged at me, eyes locked back on the screen. “’S good.”

He hushed me before I could contradict him and so I simply settled on a well deserved huff, relaxing further into the cushions whilst the films soundtrack played and Matty stole another handful of popcorn from the bowl.

—

My brow pinched when I stirred awake and my entire body ached with it. I hissed quietly to myself as I peered through squinted eyes to try and get a grasp back on reality.

It seemed like Matty and I had fallen asleep in the fort whilst watching old film classics late last night and if the sun, which skittered through the opening of sheets surrounding us, was to be believed it was now early morning.

I rubbed at my tired eyes then practically jumped out of my skin when Ross’s giant head popped into view at the entrance, scaring the shit out of me. I put a hand to my heart as an inaudible gasp bypassed my lips and had to narrow my eyes at him when he merely laughed in retort.

“Knob.” I cursed him, sniffing before I caught sight of a still-sleeping Matty sprawled out beside me, mouth wide open and catching flies, his head nestled into my side.

“You love me really.” Ross replied rightly as his gaze skirted between us. His happy expression dimmed by a couple dozen bulbs and was rapidly replaced by a solemn sort of smile, “Er, you fancy coming out to join me? And maybe not waking him up whilst you’re at it.”

At the confused face I pulled, Ross just gave me an imploring sort of look with his eyes that I couldn’t outright ignore, and so when I carefully nodded in agreement he stuck out a hand. Slowly but surely he pulled me from the makeshift tent and with a pained wince I thanked him.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” He replied and the furrow between my brows only deepened at his words.

“Ross, what-”

But my sentence was immediately cut short when my eyes met the shrivelled figure who was stood by the door, their face a priceless picture, appearing as though they were about to make a dive for the window instead of the actual door. Desperation and guilt swarming every fibre of their being.

“George?”

Part sixteen>

91 notes · View notes

voidcat · 1 year

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— a mutual intoxication

characters: dazai osamu, you

notes: implied toxic unlabeled past relationship, idk what this is beyond that, ive been doing some p stupid shit lately i needed dazai to shake me out of it. also my e key has issues so there may b missing lettrs

song: Los Borrachos (I Don't Have Any Hope Left But The Weather Is Nice) by Car Seat Headrest i think?? im notsure

Turning your phone off with a sigh, you close your eyes, sensing that presence hovering over your shoulder a little too late.

You have grown rusty, it seems, for he stands like that, too close for comfort, close enough for you to feel his breath and his eyes glued on the black screen of your phone.

“Look who’s here!”

Dazai Osamu exclaims giddily as he makes a turn around and slides right next to you. As if its some mere coincidence the two of you ran into one another and not something he foresaw before you even decided to drop by this cafe.

And so Dazai settles down, makes himself comfortable, easing in and blending into your side, to the environment.

A quick look shot his way, at your phone and the people idling in the cafe, you wait and wait, swallow down each second thats been passing.

And he catches it no matter how quick.

Of course he would, this is Dazai after all. Nothing gets past his senses, his wicked perception, his inituition.

Dazai's presence right here, right now means only one thing: That he has won.

Or so, he thinks. And once he does, it is the truth and absolute truth, even despite the circumstances preventing it, he will make sure to eradicate.

So far his voice falls deaf on your ears, as often was the case in your past, just a background noise to fill the air and nothing else–

"Someone has been busy, hm?" his coo leaves you on the edge, and you have half a mind to not jolt up or shoot another glance by your phone.

You know this.

You know Dazai, he is just doing what he does best, you are better than this: giving him what he seeks.

"So, what are they like? Have they been helping you with that itch on your brain that needs a good scratch?"

It shouldn't sting when you have grown used to it, but it does, just a little.

Not because he is right– he is, that's another issue, but because you're still doing that after all that time.

A little attention never killed anyone, that part of your brain reasons but another is quick to remind you of all those myths and tragedies of Greece.

It is nowhere as satisfactory as the real thing obviously, but even messages of sweet words and praises gets you going– though you hate to admit it, that you like this, you relish on this, the high of it.

Bonus points when the compliments are not the typical ones you can see everywhere, when the terms of endearment and what follows them sound to be thought over.

Lips pulled tight, you only stare at Dazai without a word.

"Not deserving of your voice? Not even the scoldings?" he tilts his head to the side with a smirk.

Bandaged hand over the table moves on its own.

They seem fresh, you cannot help but make a note of. Perhaps he came across a discount recently. There is no way in hell he would pay for these. Not when he has the agency's stash to raid, or you to buy and apply a fresh set.

His weird unique way of showing vulnerability, in his own way. But how can you blame the man?

He was already a mess when the two of you met.

Finger swiped over the screen, he taps the passcode, only to be left alone with the lockscreen.

Head turned to face you, another smirk that says "I'm impressed."

thanks no thanks, i don't need your compliments, you want to say.

you are not worried per se, you do not owe your piece of shit of an ex any explanation.

how things will turn out however, has you wondering. You know Dazai, but there are times when even you're at a loss of predicting his mind.

Friend of a friend– you doubt he knows that friend in th first place. Maybe their social media profiles at most but that's not much to go by.

The phone comes to life then– of course it had to be th fingerprint you had forgotten about.

Yet Dazai only seems pleasant at th turn of events. From your expression, he can tell this was not intentional but where's the fun if he doesn't go around claiming you were always waiting for him to return to your loving embrace.

"Not good enough apparently."

you whip your head at his voice, confusion clear on your face.

"Since you're sitting here alone all by yourself, not even on a call or texting." he shrugs as if he is explaining something simple, some truth of life to a kid.

"And do pray tell, Dazai, how am i supposed to text or talk when you have my phone?" you don't realize your teeth grithing.

To your reaction he only offers a grin, aware you know the answer as well as him.

even now, him going through your phone is old news. He did that before, and so did you– returning the favor.

If you wanted all his attention on himself, he demanded the same in return, give and take, until you suffocate.

and yet, even now that air stinging and filling your lungs does not hurt. the unbreathable toxic air is welcome in your lungs, an old friend you cannot shake off your life.

dull eyes ignore your question as they quickly go over chat histories, a little sneak at your photo roll without a doubt and side private accounts you keep limited to few people in your life.

with a sigh, he turns the device off and tosses it back on the table, leaning on his back, relaxing entirely. "My, my– and here I was worried you had forgotten all about me."

You had, as a matter of fact, yet you doubt he'd take your word for it, not when he has something brewing in his head to prove. Whaatever it may be, you know it won't end up in your favor.

"Now I just feel bad," that indifferent tone of his rings loud and clear.

hah! as if he is in any position to feel bad for your sake, what an awful attempt at a joke.

"Darling, you deserve better than that." "And that 'better' is supposed to be you?" you retort without missing a beat, annoyance clear in your voice.

"Well," he drags the word with a tilt of his head, gaze locked on the ceiling as if it's the wide blue sky instead, "Not saying I'm the best you've had, surely there are plenty of fish in the sea,"

a lie, you are aware, what he truly says is 'your words, not mine'.

"You deserve someone to match your wits." he concludes.

When you turn to look at his face, you see him sliding down slightly, head thrown back and resting.

even when complimenting, he makes sure to cast the hook where he wants it, all he has to do is sit and wait.

and hate yourself just as much, you know it has worked, that he is right. As exhasuting as it was to be ...something with Dazai Osamu, it was exciting, keeping the adrenaline rushing constantly, the ups and downs, highs and lows, the clashing and the sudden unision in the face of anything else.

"Not some sorry excuse of a person who cannot even pick up on one third of the things and teasings you say."

this, you're unsure if it is the living and breathing Dazai that says it, or the little one nestling in the back of your hand, always making sure to remind you he will never leave you alone.

Th who of it does not matter though.

Bcause all the ticks and kcks of your relationship with him, it was the unspoken understanding you enjoyed more than anything.

A look is all it takes, a gesture is all he needs, no words spoken, no thoughts admitted out loud verbally.

With a mind as sharp and bright as Dazai's, he understood you more than anyone else.

But being understood is not the entirety of it.

that's where communication plays in after all.

and as bright as he may be, Dazai took this to his advantage, his vague tactics to keep you around.

Sweetness but not too much, attention just long enough to keep you waiting for more, at the ready with big eyes–

letting your shoulders drop and realizing the tension you had on this whole time, you lean back as well, mirroring the man next to you and letting your body fall toward his direction a little.

Who are you to judge Dazai Osamu when you haven't been any better?

maybe this is what you wanted this whole time, letting this 'break up' last longer than the prvious ghosting phases, ignoring him on purpose and seeking out a new source to keep you up.

you can feel an arm draping over you, not bothering to open your eyes. this, too, has become something you've grown all too familiar with– one of the dolce ones, even when th grip becomes tight– keeping the other locked in.

because for any chain Dazai has on you, he possesses a matching one.

He might be the human with the highest perception skills for all you care– you know him, and that speaks for itself.

back and forth, it's a never ending dance of teasing, stepping on toes on purpose, pretending to have gotten bored in the middle only to surprise the second party with a sudden spin and bending of the waist– leaning in, nose to nose, until your visions blur into nothing but each other, and the mess you have left in your trail.

#didnt end this exactly in th way i wanted but i think this one is better #u can pretend he says mst lik 'ill makeu forget abt thm in no time' and ur inner monologue smt abt how thres no need for this already #uh anyays #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #felizai #menthol ellness<3 #dazai x reader #dazai x you #bsd x you #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x you #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu x reader #gender neutral reader

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thelavendercatalogue · 8 months

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LJS Ship Lore: Jigen x Queen Malta

The moment you create a ship so unknown in the fandom it doesnt even have FANART

Yep, say hello to one of the ships in my Lavender Jacket Series AND my Fantasy AU.

As Ive stated before Jigens Gravestone is canon in my Ljs series because it's premise is suppose to stick as the final trust exercise between Jigen and Lupin after their reunion in the Pyramid to cement their partnership to the highest form it could be. The final nail in the coffin so to speak, solidifying their old and new partnership so to speak. Putting each others life and trust in one another where uncertainty grows.

However, in the background of Gravestone, a small relationship had been growing

You see, the Malta x Jigen ship is canon for both RoA. . . .

(Ill explain their relationship in RoA on my other blog @roads-of-arkael)

. . . .and LJS, however sadly in LJS she still dies following Gravestones plot line.

However, in the time frame of Gravestone, loosing Malta actually did bother Jigen greatly

After the shit that Cicciolina had pulled on him, Malta was essentially breath of fresh air compared to the people he knew from the past.

Dedicated, headstrong, maybe not as fearless as he may have been, but dutiful, loving, caring, all things Jigen forgot people could be.

As a result, the two had surprisingly become friends in a way quite quickly, both seeing eye-to-eye about how they each believed the world worked and coming to an understand each other's points of view on it. And it wasn't any surprise why the two ended up hooking up, far out of the spotlight, their relationship kept private from prying camera's and peeping paparazzi.

But no amount of tip toeing and hush-hush could have ever prepared Jigen for the night of her death

Loosing Malta absolutely fucking sucked for Jigen, because she was one of the few, besides Lupin to show him people could be selfless, caring without motive other then the good for the people they cared about.

Jigen loved few people, Malta loved a whole country and thought unity was the best thing and she got killed for it cause other's didn't support the view.

He never did move on from her death. It still stung even years later. Which is why for one of the head canons i have for LJS, one of the things Jigen has left to remember her by is her music. What she was famous for. What she hoped would bring the two countries together.

He ended up buying the CD's she produced shortly after her death, and once in a while you might actually catch him listening to them when he's relaxing. Both because he likes the music, but also because its the remembrance

He's thrilled to find out his sister likes her music too because she has records and albums he hasn't been lucky enough to find,

They're constantly playing in the apartment when Jigen's alone. . . .

He doesn't talk about her much. Preferring instead to keep the memories he has of her private and close-kept. Just little memories he can keep that he doesn't have to share.

Just like how their relationship was kept secret. . .all to themselves. . .nobody else. . .

#lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #daisuke jigen #jigen daisuke #jigen #Lupin III: The Lavender Jacket Series #Jigen x Queen Malta #Jigens gravestone #Lupin III Koike #Koike Jigen Daisuke #daisuke jigen's gravestone

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too-much-sunshine · 2 months

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Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

#woftl #sunshinetalks #woftl spoilers #kinda?#Idk bestieee #Ugh everytime I worry abt a chapter it turns out being #fav so i think its time i start trusting myself #I say #knowing I wont #UuU #ASDfghjk you are still so nice #Im never getting over this ask #Im a gonner UuU

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puddingseikkx · 10 months

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today was my worst binge in a long time i feel like shit and now im forcing myself to starve i have to lose 7-8kg before the end of the month at least hopefully i can and im gonna try to stick to my workouts again which is going okay so far i just wish i was small and handsome. i have such bad skin rn and its making me made and me gaining weight from this binge is just gonna make it more worse hopefully i can purge everything and that the lax will be able to get rid of everything

i might have to res sunday but idc im only eating fruit bc i cant gain more weight i dont wanna go back up i hope im shitting for like the next 12 hours i wanna be empty

i NEED to be empty i wanna be able to show my progress to all my friends and have them worry about me and talk about how small i am at my lowest weight ive been years i cant mess this up more

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ventismacchiato · 4 months

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omg ur active rn hii update kai ive started training for my job and so far it hasnt been too bad but ik im gna start dreading ts once i start having to run the register and talk to ppl smh but for now imma enjoy being in the background while i can 😪 its been so cold here where i live too im freezinf my tits off

how has college been so far hopefully not TOO bad LMFAO have u fully moved in yet? take care of urself bae ‼️

-🏷️

omg good luck 🙁 hope ppl aren’t too mean to you working the register is so scary ALSO SAME it finally snowed so now i’m driving and walking to class in four feet snow i can’t do this shit

it’s been…going 😭 i’ve been so tired i’m fighting for my life but it’s okay new year new me 💔 AND YES FOR THE MOST PART i’ll show u some of my desk space look

#kai mail 💌#🏷️ anon #future doctor desk tour 😍

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mindmeltonabun-blog · 4 months

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My Demon: Theories and Analysis for Eps 9-10

Happy New Year, Readers!

I hope 2024 brings great things for everyone. I delayed posting a T&A post for Eps 9-10 partly due to holiday busyness and partly because I'm tired of plagiarists taking my theories and ideas and reposting them as their own. For those who have been my followers for a while now, you know this has been a constant issue for me. I don't think it's hard to give someone credit for original ideas that they've come up with.

I thought I wouldn't encounter this same issue with the MD fandom, but I was wrong. I saw a Twitter user taking multiple theories of mine and reposting them as their own. I don't rule out the possibility that people can have the same thoughts, but when you're specifically mentioning things only I had talked about and no one else did, it makes you look guilty as hell.

Hours after I posted my T&A for Eps 1-6, they decided to take multiple theories of mine and post them to their account. One example is how they took my idea that the cross necklace either once belonged to Do Hee or was given to Gu Won by Do Hee. Another example is how they took my idea that the cross tattoo on her wrist symbolized she was the source of it all. There are many more examples, but I don't want to spend all my time listing them all out. It's the same old spill, though; they're doing it for clout. In the future, I won't be posting my theories or analysis for eps until a day or two before the newest episodes come out. This ensures the cheaters won't be able to use my theories for their own personal gains. But enough about this piece of trash.

I want to forewarn everyone this post is very long like 17 pages so definitely take a break from it whenever. If you have any questions about anything I've written so far for MD, please feel free to use the "Ask Me Anything" button and I'll try to answer your questions ASAP! There are probably grammatical mistakes...it's hard to edit 17 pgs worth of shit haha. Finally, if you choose to use my stuff, give me credit, that's all I ask.

Time to put on our thinking caps to analyze and theorize!

Section 1: General Thoughts

Eps 9-10 were top-notch! I admire the writer's ability to incorporate twists inspired by literature, movies, kdramas, fairytales, art, math, etc. One major theme appears to be the profound impact our choices can have, leading to unintended consequences not only for ourselves but also for others. The show also delves into the coexistence of seemingly opposing elements, such as angels and devils or odd and even numbers.

The clock in the intro, featuring angels and devils, draws inspiration from MC Escher's "Circle IV: Heaven and Hell." Escher, influenced by mathematics, created art that explored the interlocking nature of opposites, mirroring the eternal connection between Do Hee and Gu Won.

Now, let's discuss the intricate math woven into this show. The complexity of the numerical elements has forever changed my perception of numbers. For instance, I once saw "snake eyes" as 1+1=2, but after MD, I now see it as 11. Similarly, 10 used to be just 10, but after MD, I see 01 is its mirror image, and 1+0=1.

MD provides a fresh perspective on Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment" and "Demons," exploring psychological complexities, moral and existential dilemmas, societal and political systems, faith, morality, isolation, alienation, guilt, internal struggles, and redemption. Much like these literary works, MD delves into the psychological toll of potential crimes and the impact of abuse on individuals. It's a concoction of various influences, reminiscent of Frankenstein, weaving elements from Romeo and Juliet, DAYS, TOTNT, Goblin, Lucifer, The Bodyguard, Greek Mythology, Christianity/Catholicism, Cinderella, and Beauty and the Beast.

The overarching message from MD seems to be that everyone harbors inner demons, and it's how we confront and handle these demons that defines us. Our choices can lead to positive, creative outcomes or negative, destructive consequences, shaping not only our self-perception but also how others perceive us—angelic guardians or malevolent demons.

Section 2: Gu Won's Past

2.1 Gu Won's Name: A Divine Revelation

As I revisited my previous ideas and rewatched episodes, Jang Mi's line, "I'd say the heavens or his ancestors did," really got me thinking. Recall that in my last post I theorized Gu Won might be related to Madam Ju. Well, after I saw Jang Mi's comment, I felt like I might be onto something.

I repeatedly wrote "Ju Yi Sun…Ju Yi Sun" and thought about ways my theory could be wrong (like, what if he's a Park? Kim? Choi? Cho? Jin?). That's when it all started clicking. Gu Won's current name had ties to Catholicism/Christianity, so his past name must've been the same. Out of all the last names mentioned in this, only one was associated with religion--Ju. You see, there's a wordplay in Gu Won's past name, Ju Yi Sun. In Korean, "Ju" means "Lord," but it can also mean "wine" and "week" (hint hint… the show's got themes of Catholicism/Christianity and time, haha). The second syllable of his name, "Sun", sounds like "son". When you piece it all together, you'll realize Gu Won's past name means "Lord's son" aka Jesus. I've now realized the clues proving he is a "Ju" have been there since the very start, but I just didn't connect the dots until now haha. Additional clues are available on my Twitter for those interested!

I doubt we'll witness Gu Won pulling off miracles like walking on water, but he has showcased some Jesus-like feats. Remember Ep 1, where he performed the fish miracle for Park Bok Gyu? That's similar to what Jesus did (miracle #6, to be exact), haha. Then in Ep 3, he healed the sick, echoing another one of Jesus's miracles. And in Ep 10, Jesus—I mean Gu Won—brought Do Hee back from the dead, a blend of miracles #11, 15, and 33. Who knows, maybe we'll get to see another Jesus-like miracle before this show wraps up? Perhaps calming a storm at sea or casting demons into a herd of pigs, haha.

Throughout the series, Gu Won has been frequently seen with wine, a symbol often linked to Jesus and representative of his blood. In Ep 9, Gu Won tells God he prefers wine because it's the tears of God. Interestingly, in the original myth, these tears were attributed to Jesus, not God. Jesus shed tears when witnessing Lucifer Morningstar's fall from Heaven. The writer's choice to attribute the tears to God may hint at their intention to portray Gu Won as a blend of Jesus and Lucifer Morningstar. It makes you wonder though if God shed tears after Gu Won died the first time around or when he started going "bad", doesn't it? Haha.

For those unfamiliar, Lucifer Morningstar earned the moniker of the Devil following his rebellion against God, leading to his descent from heaven into Hell. Before this rebellion, his name carried positive connotations such as light bringer, dawn bringer, and the morning star, associated with the planet Venus and the Goddess of Love. Examining Won's former name, Yi Sun, the word "Sun" stands out. Given the sun is a type of star, this connection holds significant meaning. Coupled with the dawn imagery in Ep 1 and Ep 10, the connection to Lucifer Morningstar becomes apparent. Gu Won's story started with him playing the roles of Jesus and Lucifer Morningstar. After his fall from Heaven, he transformed into the Devil. As Gu Won reunites with Do Hee, his journey comes full circle, bringing him back to his original identity as Yi Sun aka Jesus/Lucifer Morningstar.

If Gu Won is indeed a Ju, it would introduce some serious drama in the show. This means he'd be related to people responsible for the past deaths of Do Hee's parents and the current threats on her life. It's giving me Romeo and Juliet vibes haha. In Eps 11-12, I think Gu Won will discover he's a Ju. This discovery will affect him deeply, knowing he's related to those who've inflicted so much pain upon Do Hee both in the past and present. This revelation will weigh heavily on him, leading him to end his relationship with Do Hee due to overwhelming guilt.

Section 2.2 The Past...Flip It and Reverse It

Let's revisit the Joseon dynasty, a time when societal norms were so conservative and backward! My theory about Gu Won's past remains largely unchanged. I still believe the major obstacle to Gu Won and Do Hee's love story was the differences in their social classes and that Gu Won became a demon because of Do Hee. However, I'd like to add a few more details to this theory.

Before delving into the intricacies of Gu Won's past, it's essential to grasp a couple of key points. Firstly, the past is the reverse of the present. Secondly, within the show, the notion of "wealth" or "richness" takes on an unconventional meaning. While wealth is conventionally linked with material affluence --having substantial money (i.e dollar dollar bills)--here, being "wealthy" or "rich" can also mean having a soul, as souls are considered a form of currency. For example, in the present, Do Hee is rich in both the conventional and unconventional sense-- she has substantial monetary wealth and a soul. However, in the past, Do Hee was poor in the conventional sense (she was the Cinderella character in this context) but rich in the unconventional sense (i.e had a soul). Now, Gu Won in the present is rich in the conventional sense but poor in the unconventional sense (has no soul; he's the Cinderella type character in this sense). In contrast, in the past, Gu Won was rich both in terms of monetary wealth and spiritual wealth. I hope this wasn't too confusing for anyone!

Before Gu Won was a mean bankrupt vampire in the the present, he was a kind man who was well-loved by his servants in the past. Gu Won treated them with respect and as equals. This type of behavior would've been viewed by many of his social class as unusual and unconventional. In the hierarchical society of the time, where nobility often maintained a distinct separation from their servants, Gu Won's compassionate and egalitarian approach set him apart. His genuine care for those around him challenged societal norms, earning him both admiration and, inevitably, disapproval from those who clung to the traditional expectations of class distinction.

One such person who would've greatly disapproved of Gu Won's actions was his father. Judging from the flashbacks, it seemed Gu Won's father was a strict individual devoted to tradition, adherence to societal rules, and maintaining an image of wealth and power. In contrast, Gu Won disregarded these conventions, prioritizing modernity and challenging norms, a stark departure from his father's values. Therefore, Gu Won's father would've viewed Gu Won as a rebel and a devil similar to how Madam Ju viewed Seok Min. Unlike Seok Min, however, Gu Won was inherently a good person. Side note, I think it was funny that in the past, Gu Won was all about being modern, while in the present, he's all about tradition haha. How the times have changed!

Being a hedonistic individual, Gu Won would have been a frequent visitor to local kisaeng houses, and this is where I believe he initially encountered Do Hee and God. My bet is that God may have been employed as either the owner or a waitress here. As we know, God tends to hang around places with casino games, and kisaeng houses often had various gambling games.

In the past, Do Hee was the antithesis of her present self. Unlike the present Do Hee, who held no belief in God and perceived her life as modern warfare, the Do Hee of the past was deeply religious and traditional. Similar to Sonia in "Crime and Punishment", Do Hee worked as a kisaeng to support her family. Her family's financial status was probably in shambles due to her father's gambling problems and alcoholism. Despite his vices, I don't think Do Hee's father was abusive like Ga Yeong's father in the present. I think he was more like Sonia's father, where even though he was a gambler and drunkard, he never mistreated or abused Do Hee.

Much like Sonia, Do Hee was a devout Catholic. However, in contrast to Sonia, Do Hee couldn't openly practice her faith. This was because during the Joseon dynasty, the predominant religion was Confucianism. Those of the Confucius faith viewed the rise of Catholicism as a major threat to their current belief system. Therefore, many Catholics faced persecution during the Joseon dynasty.

Despite coming from two different worlds (rich vs poor), Gu Won and Do Hee connected because they were seen as oddballs and outcasts in their own social classes. Gu Won, a nobleman who treated his servants as equals found common ground with Do Hee, a religious prostitute. These two odd birds were equally matched in every respect (odd and even get it? 1+1=2), creating a connection that transcended societal norms--they were, essentially, each other's soulmates. Their only "crime" was being born in the wrong era. Their love wasn't destined to flourish during the Joseon Dynasty. Instead, it was meant to thrive in the more modern times, like the present. If only these two had a time machine to fast forward to the future. Oh right...they did have a time machine and it was called God haha.

In Ep 9, God said to Gu Won, "Some call me time". Gu Won and Do Hee had the favor of God and time on their side. While God couldn't fast-forward time in the conventional sense (i.e give them a time machine or snap her fingers to transport them to the future), she could fast-forward time in the sense that she could make one lover immortal, freezing them in time, while she reincarnated the other lover at the right time so they could meet.

Just as in the present, Gu Won and Do Hee in the past also had to deal with people who were trying to sabotage their relationship. Much like their present-day counterparts, Ga Yeong and Seok Hoon of the past were among those who sought to break up Gu Won and Do Hee for their own selfish gains. Just remember what Gu Won said in Ep 1, "Evil stems from human desires". It's the desires of these two that contributed to the tragic fates of Gu Won and Do Hee in the past.

In the past, Gu Won's father had likely chosen Ga Yeong as a bride for Gu Won instead of Do Hee. Unlike her life now, past Ga Yeong was from an affluent and influential family, making her an ideal match by Joseon's standards with her beauty, wealth, and power. What remained unchanged from the past to the present is that Ga Yeong still had a bad personality and was just as obsessed with Gu Won in the past as she was in the present.

As for Seok Hoon, being a Ju in the past, he likely still enjoyed wealth, but instead of being the humble and kind person we know him to be today (I still have my doubts btw), he was a greedy and power-hungry Ju.

If we go with my theory that Gu Won was a Ju, one might ask, what was the relationship between him and Seok Hoon in the past? I think they were brothers--Gu Won, the lazy older brother set to take over the Ju household, and Seok Hoon, the younger, ambitious brother. Seok Hoon was probably jealous of Gu Won because Gu Won seemingly had everything handed to him on a silver platter without much effort or desire (maybe they were like Cain and Abel?). Side note, I'm going to laugh if it turns out Seok Hoon killed Gu Won with a rock because that's what Cain did to Abel.

Another possibility is that Gu Won and Seok Hoon were brothers who found themselves in love with the same woman. Seok Hoon got butt hurt because Do Hee chose Gu Won over him so he decided to destroy them both. If he couldn't get love, he would seek power (hmmmm sounds similar to the present haha).

Gu Won and Do Hee were just trying to be in their own little love nest but societal norms and people's desires got in the way. Similar to the present, Ga Yeong and Seok Hoon teamed up to exploit the lovebirds' vulnerabilities. Ga Yeong coveted Gu Won's heart while Seok Hoon sought the position of heir to the Ju household. Gu Won's vulnerability was Do Hee, and Do Hee's Achilles' heel was her Catholic faith. Team Judas decided to use the lovebirds' secrets to fulfill their greatest desires. As we've seen in the show, revealing people's deepest secrets can be an effective means to achieve one's goals.

Seok Hoon found out Gu Won was in love with Do Hee and wanted to marry her which again was a no-no because noblemen couldn't marry those from lower social classes than them. And Ga Gyeong, she discovered Do Hee was a Catholic by paying someone off.

Seok Hoon and Ga Yeong probably informed Gu Won's father about Gu Won and Do Hee's secret relationship. Gu Won's father couldn't have Gu Won tarnished the family reputation by being involved with a Catholic kisaeng so he sought to eliminate Do Hee.

On the day they died, Gu Won and Do Hee were doing normal couple things like walking on the beach. However, their blissful day turned into a nightmare as they found themselves being chased by the men Gu Won's father had hired to kill Do Hee. They eventually ended up being cornered on a cliff. Subsequently, they fell into the ocean similar to the events of Ep 1. The only difference between the events of Ep 1 and the past was that Gu Won was a mortal man who didn't have the powers to save him and Do Hee.

After this death, Gu Won woke up in Hell. Why? Because he was rich and lazy. Remember what Do Hee said in Ep 1- the rich and those who don't believe in God go to Hell. You might wonder why being rich automatically lands you in Hell? It's because those who are rich usually acquire their monetary wealth through unethical and immoral means. In turn, their actions eat away at their soul until they have none. Therefore, those who don't have souls go to Hell. While Gu Won might not have been directly involved in shady dealings, he still lived off his family's wealth which may have been obtained through dishonest means. Additionally, Gu Won's slothful nature and lack of diligent work might have been another factor contributing to his descent into Hell. As for Gu Won's religious beliefs, I don't think he had one. However, maybe he did in the end because of Do Hee.

So, what about Do Hee then? Where did she end up? She probably found herself in Heaven because she was poor and believed in God. This created the same issue for the lovers in death as they had in life-- being in separate worlds. Just like in life, they weren't able to be together even in death. Do Hee ended up wishing she could be where Gu Won was, which in this case was Hell. Do Hee sacrifice her soul/Heaven for Hell.

Do Hee's sacrificial act probably deeply touched God and prompted her to offer the two lovers a once-in-a-lifetime job...become demons and earn your souls back. However, I think Gu Won wouldn't have wanted Do Hee to become a monster, so he negotiated with God that he would become a monster for the both of them. Meaning he would work as a demon to earn back both of their souls and spare Do Hee the life of working as a demon.

By doing so, Gu Won would be able to save them from Hell and live a happy life in a place between Heaven and Hell, which was Earth. However, it wouldn't be all rainbows and unicorns though. Without any soul money to bargain with, Gu Won had to give up the only bargaining chip he had--his human memories. With the last vestige of his humanity gone, God imbued him with powers so that he could work towards saving his and Do Hee's souls from Hell so that they could have a better and brighter tomorrow.

Alternatively, I can envision the events unfolding similarly to those in Episode 1 with minor differences. Gu Won regained consciousness in the waters, and instead of turning back to try and save Do Hee, he swam up and left her behind. Once ashore, he felt immense guilt about his actions and saw himself as a monster and a poison to the very woman he claimed to have loved. Like the previous theory, God appeared and offered him a deal that would allow him to redeem himself. Though I find this theory plausible, I believe the other one is more likely to occur.

Section 3: More On The Contract with God

Section 3.1 Soul Money

Now let's take a deeper dive into the specifics of Gu Won's once-in-a-lifetime job! I'll start this section off with an analogy. God is the owner of Jesus Corp. Bank where money is stored. When I say money, I'm not talking about dollar bills, I'm talking about souls or as I like to call it, "soul money".

Gu Won is working at Jesus Corp. Bank as a loan officer because he's spiritually bankrupt as in he has 0 Soul Wons (SW) in his soul bank account. As with any job, Gu Won gets paid except he doesn't get paid with earthly money, he earns soul money. To buy a soul, you have to have 1000 SW (1000 SW=1000 W). For every year that he works, he earns 10 SW or 10 won (I will go over how I came up with these calculations further down). This may seem like a lousy pay, but when it comes to reclaiming your soul, sacrifices must be made. It really is a small price to pay hahaha.

Anyways, if it costs 1000 won (1000 SW) for a soul, how many years does Gu Won have to work to earn 1000 won at a pay rate of 10 won per year? 100 years. You're probably thinking where are you getting these values from and how the math ain't mathing, but don't worry just keep reading!

Let's first start out with how I deduced a soul is worth 1000 won. I kept thinking about the bill God was holding which was 1000 won. 1000 is "cheon" which means Heaven in Korean. It dawned on me that souls have the same value as Heaven, meaning souls = 1000 won and Heaven = 1000 won. You have to have a soul to go to Heaven and those who end up in Hell have no soul.

After this, I started to investigate the clocks. I discovered the clocks in Gu Won's place and on the promotional posters were decimal clocks, commonly used by those in accounting for payroll and hourly billing. If you're curious about what these clocks are, just Google it. I'm not going to spend more time writing than I have to

Ok so now you're wondering how I came up with 10 won/year. Let's consider how Gu Won's 10th name would be Sip Won or 10 Won. Then consider how there are a total of 10 hours on the clocks in Gu Won's place which are representative of 10 years. Put those things together! Each "hour" on the clock is 1 year and each time the hour hand moves from 1 hour to the next, it's 10 won. Therefore, it's 10 won/year.

To help you understand this, I have created a figure below that includes the decimal clocks seen in Gu Won's place (orange), the promotional poster (green), and a 12-hour clock (red). It should be noted that both the orange clock and green clock have a total of 10 hours, it's just that they start at different numbers. The clocks (orange) seen in Gu Won's place are a countdown until the people go to Hell while Gu Won's clock (green) is a countdown until he gets his soul and Heaven.

Now, let's revisit the deal Gu Won offers people. The term is that you get 10 years of Heaven for selling your soul (keep in mind you don't get all of Heaven, you only get 10 years of Heaven). Mathematically calculate how much 10 years of Heaven is worth to see if it's really an equal exchange. Multiply the rate (10 won/year) by the number of years which is 10 years and you would get what? 100 won. That's how much 10 years of Heaven is worth...100 won. You might be thinking now that it wasn't an equal exchange at all, right? Depends on how you look at it! One way to look at it is that you just got cheated because you sold your soul valued at 1000 won for only 100 won of Heaven.

On the other hand, one could view it as a fair exchange because these people (except for the mother and daughter) were trying to cheat the system. Meaning they didn't want to work hard to acquire their Heaven, they would rather acquire it through dishonest means (i.e signing the contract). In the end, the cheater got cheated so it's fair haha!

The thing is every time one engaged in shady crap, it eats at your soul until you're spiritually bankrupt. In this context, you've already sold your soul to the devil. You didn't need to sign a contract with the Devil to go to Hell, you would've ended up there sooner or later because you had engaged in deceitful acts to acquire your greatest desires. One could then see Gu Won was doing the world a huge favor by signing contracts with these cheaters because he removed these bad eggs from the living world more quickly!

Some might wonder, can you be a rich person while living and not end up in Hell after? Yes, you can. How? By acquiring your wealth through honest means, following the rules, and engaging in acts of charity. In this way, you would not only be materialistically rich but spiritually rich as well.

The moral lesson in MD is to live a righteous life and work hard for the things you want in life. If you decide to engage in dishonest behavior (i.e cheating), just know you may not have to pay for it while you're living, but you'll eventually have to pay for it in the afterlife.

Section 3.2 Why Did Gu Won Have to Work for 200 Years?

Now let's consider what would happen if say were in Hell like Gu Won was, but wanted Heaven? What can you do if you are spiritually bankrupt? You got to WORK BITCHHHH to earn back your soul. Shit.... that's hard for a sloth who had never worked a day in their life...cough...cough Gu Won.

Why did Gu Won have to work for 200 years? It's because he not only had to buy back his soul but he also had to buy back Do Hee's soul too. Let's do some math....if a soul costs 1000 won and you make 10 won/year, how many years would you have to work? 100 years (10x=1000; x = 100). Again, because he had to get Do Hee's soul out of Hell, he had to work an extra 100 years.

I believe in the first 100 years on the job, Gu Won earned back Do Hee's soul which freed it from Hell. In turn, this allowed her to become reincarnated while Gu Won was still stuck working towards getting his soul back.

Now, you might be wondering if Gu Won obtained more deals, wouldn't he earn back his soul faster? Nope. It doesn't matter how many contracts he signed, he still got paid the same amount every year. What mattered was that he worked period. And this is why Gu Won didn't know how many contracts he had to sign to prevent spontaneous combustion haha. He didn't get that all he had to do was work. To earn back your soul, you have to be diligent, not take any shortcuts, and follow the rules. As a worker at Jesus Corp bank, if you're lazy for one second, you spontaneously combust haha. If you cheat and break rules, same thing haha.

One might think Gu Won would be able to get out of his job as a demon if he became human right? Not quite. I was wrong in my previous theory when I said after he became human, he would no longer face the threat of spontaneous combustion. He still faced the threat because he did not fulfill his end of the contract with God. Gu Won agreed to work as a demon for 200 years in exchange for his and Do Hee's souls. The keywords are "demon" and "200 years".

The moment he became fully human, it was like he breached his contract with God. Hence this was why he still faced the threat of spontaneous combustion even after he became a human. He was close to hitting 200 years exactly but you know some things got in the way haha. God was basically dangling a bone (i.e Do Hee) in front of Gu Won to motivate him to become a guardian demon faster. Oh and the last piece of his soul is in Do Hee!

So how much longer does Gu Won have to work for God? ~1.2 years. If you look at the clock at the beginning of Ep 9, you'll see the hour hand is pointing at ~8.80 which equates to ~1.2 years left haha. This is why later in the ep, the writer hints at this by having Gu Won say to Do Hee, "Otherwise, I might have to wait another year." So yeah, if you don't work, you die and if you break the contract, you die hahaha. I think Gu Won will continue to work for God even after his contract with her ends.

It was funny Gu Won was trying to blame God for everything. I was like boy you're the one that signed the damn contract haha. You made that decision and now you have to face the consequences of your actions haha. End of the day, God was just trying to help these two lovebirds out and to get Gu Won to grow the fuck up and know the true meaning of hard work haha. Oh, and she was also trying to get him to forgive himself for what happened in the past.

Something Punny

Let's take a quick break with something funny before we head into the next section! So what do you get when you cross a line? Read that really slowly and think about it for a minute.....YOU GET A CROSS HAHAHAHAHAHA. This writer though hahahahahaha. On a serious note, it's because Gu Won and Ga Yeong crossed the line that things have been going in a more positive direction.

Section 4: The Mechanics of The Tattoo Transfer

Before going into how everyone's choices influenced Gu Won and Do Hee's fate, let's first explore the mechanics of the tattoo transfer. I have to say, I'll never trust anything Park Bok Gyu says ever again haha. Because I believed in his little hypothesis, my theory was completely wrong haha.

The essential conditions for the tattoo transfer are as follows: 1) A full moon must be present, 2) Gu Won and Do Hee must face a life-and-death situation, 3) The person without the tattoo must genuinely desire to save the person with the tattoo, and 4) The person with the tattoo must be near death or on the brink of it. The location and timing of the ritual are inconsequential. As long as the specified conditions are met, the transfer can take place!

Section 5: Fate is a Web Woven By a Myriad of Choices

Section 5.1 Free Will Vs. Fate

Ok now let's talk about the great debate...Free Will vs Fate. Did anyone catch the writer's stance on this debate? It was conveyed in Ep 1 and Ep 10! The writer believes these two concepts can coexist with one another. This belief is known as "compatibilism"!

What is compatibilism? It's the belief that while external forces, such as God, upbringing, society, and environment, may play a role in shaping our fate, the ultimate responsibility for our decisions lies with us as individuals. All actions, whether deemed as good or evil, are fundamentally driven by the choices we make. These choices, in turn, are influenced by our internal desires, which can be shaped by external forces. In this perspective, we are active agents, empowered to play a significant role in shaping our own fates through the conscious decisions we make.

God can influence our choices, but the crux of the matter remains we are free to choose whether or not to align our choices with divine guidance. As my bf noted, "Those who don't obey God or adhere to their plans tend to find things don't work out for them. This underscores the idea that aligning our choices with divine guidance can lead to a more favorable fate.

In the show, Do Hee's decision to save Gu Won and vice versa, who had the cross tattoo, can be seen as a complex interplay between free will, determinism, and compatibilism. Her desire to save him reflects an exercise of personal agency, emphasizing the role of free will in her choice. Simultaneously, the symbolism of the cross introduces a deterministic element, suggesting an alignment with a divine plan. This dynamic highlights the compatibility between personal choice (free will) and external influences (determinism/fate), echoing the principles of compatibilism.

Simply put, God can present you with a plan, and you can choose to follow that plan or not. It's your decision. If you choose to follow the plan and things don't work out then don't go around blaming God because you're the one who made the decision, you're the one who's responsible. Nevertheless, the underlying belief is that adhering to God's plan can lead to favorable outcomes.

The ending scenes of Episode 10 exemplify the convergence of everyone choices influencing the fate of Gu Won and Do Hee. Let's start with the puppet master – God. If God hadn't conveyed to Gu Won that Do Hee needed to die to regain his power, what would have happened? Gu Won and Do Hee's plan would likely have failed, leading to Gu Won's demise. However, God disclosed this crucial piece of information to set in motion a chain of events that ultimately resulted in a positive outcome. I aslo see this as one of God's tests to determine if Gu Won was ready to have the training wheels taken off haha.

Gu Won had the option not to disclose to Park Bok Gyu what God had communicated, but he opted otherwise. As a result, Gu Won's actions led to Park Bok Gyu expressing his concerns about the necessity of Do Hee's death, which Ga Yeong overheard. This, in turn, led to Ga Yeong providing poison to Do Hee, a necessary step in fulfilling God's plan for Gu Won to regain his powers.

You see, God does know everything despite her saying otherwise (in this show, God does lie haha). She knows all the possible outcomes there are and intervenes strategically to ensure things align with her desires. Thank God, she's Team Dowon haha!

Section 5.2 Team Judas

I believe Ga Yeong's decision to disclose Gu Won's secret to Seok Min will have broader consequences than she anticipated. In the preview for Ep 11, we see Seok Hoon joining forces with Seok Min, with the motive behind Seok Hoon's decision left unrevealed. I can only speculate and say that Seok Hoon perceives joining forces with Seok Min as the lesser of two evils. Thanks to Ga Yeong, Seok Hoon views Gu Won as the embodiment of evil that needs to be exposed and crucified, and the only person with the necessary "power" for such an undertaking is Seok Min. My question is, is Seok Hoon ready to sell his soul to the Devil? In all honesty, Seok Hoon is just doing this because he wants Do Hee to be with him and not Gu Won.

I guess Seok Hoon and Seok Min will devise a plan to expose Gu Won as a demon/devil. I have no clue how exactly they're supposed to do that given when someone tries to film Gu Won doing magic, the camera cuts out. The only other way I could see them able to accomplish this goal is by hiring someone to stab Gu Won in public so people can see Gu Won can instantly heal. Or if they want to do it "The Bodyguard" style, they would hire someone to shoot Do Hee, and then Gu Won would jump in front to protect her which again would expose him as a supernatural being since he would instantly heal. In either case, People would then see Gu Won as a monster. They would try to hunt him down like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast and crucify him like Jesus. Then again this plan might fail because Gu Won being a human now might not be able to instantly heal anymore.

Another theory is that Seok Hoon is teaming up with Seok Min to take him down. Maybe Seok Hoon realized after the incident at the gas station that Seok Min was behind everything. Seok Hoon will go undercover to dig up evidence of Seok Min's crimes. This could be his redemption arc maybe. Again, I still have my doubts that Seok Hoon is actually a good guy, but I could definitely be wrong!

Section 5.3 Do Gyeong

I might be in the minority, but I genuinely hope Do Gyeong survived the car crash so that he can testify against his father. While I understand Do Gyeong crashed his car into the gas station because he saw death as the only way to escape his father's abuse, it was still wrong. I also think he did this as a way to get revenge on his father. By crashing his car into the gas station, the police would start investigating his father. In turn, this could lead them to discover Seok Min as the real culprit behind everything. Additionally, I think Do Gyeong was the one who stuck a knife into Kwang Chul's chest after he was burnt like a crispy duck. Do Gyeong probably did this for the same reason as I mentioned above...to lead cops and Gu Won to his father.

Section 6: Madam Ju, Murder of Do Hee's Parents, and Seok Min

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but Madam Ju wasn't in Eps 9-10. This was odd given that in previous eps, she would always make some sort of appearance. I posed a question in my previous posts asking if Madam Ju was a figment of Do Hee's imagination or a real spirit/ghost. I've concluded Madam Ju is not just a figment of Do Hee's imagination. I think she's a real spirit/ghost.

Going back to Ep 1, Do Hee wished on her 28th (8+2=10 haha) birthday that Madam Ju would be around for a very long time to continue stabbing her in the back. God granted Do Hee's wish. God probably allowed Madam Ju to come back and talk to Do Hee as a spirit to help her heal. However, I think God restricts what Madam Ju can tell Do Hee. I feel like we'll see Madam Ju again after Do Hee discovers her dark secret.

In regards to the deaths of Do Hee's parents, I don't think Madam Ju killed them. I think it may have been an accident, but Madam Ju still blamed herself for it. Maybe what happened was that Madam Ju committed a crime out of greed like cutting costs on the production of electronic products or sabotaging a product to get insurance money and Do Hee's father found out about it. Subsequently, he went to investigate it/fix it and that's when the explosion happened.

Interestingly in Ep 10, we saw Seok Min with a tape recorder on the day Do Hee arrived at the Ju household. Could it be that Seok Min recorded his mother confessing her dirty secret and guilt for the deaths of Do Hee's parents? This might explain why Seok Min said, "So it's you, mother's way out." Maybe Seok Min was planning on using the recording to later blackmail her so he could get the chairman position.

Another theory I have is that Do Hee's father had discovered what Madam Ju was trying to cover up and then Seok Min found out about it. Seok Min then took the initiative to cover up his mother's dirty secret by getting rid of the only person who knew about it by planting a bomb in their car. Seok Min probably did all of this because he thought it would "win" his mother's love and approval and that she wouldn't see him as a devil anymore. Additionally, he thought in his own twisted way that by doing this, he was protecting his mother. Maybe Seok Min's real desire was that he just wanted Madam Ju to love him.

When Seok Min discovered Madam Ju's Chief Financial Officer had uncovered her secret and contacted Do Hee about it, Seok Min once again, turned to murder to "protect" his mother. Instead of receiving gratitude for his actions, Madam Ju scolded him for them. This was the final straw that broke the camel's back. If Seok Min couldn't have love, he would seek power, even if it meant killing Madam Ju. This act is what essentially transformed him into the real devil demon.

I just had an interesting thought. Seok Min killed the very thing he loved to obtain power, mirroring what God implied Gu Won should do with Do Hee to regain his powers (anyone getting Thanos and Soul Stone vibes haha). Perhaps this is the real difference between Seok Min and Gu Won. Gu Won wasn't willing to sacrifice the one he loved for power. Instead, he was willing to sacrifice himself to save the one he loved, which transformed him into a guardian demon. Gu Won's prioritization of Do Hee's needs over his own enabled him to obtain real power.

Section 7: Guardian Demon

Do Hee was right when she said Gu Won would be reborn as a perfect demon hahaha.....guardian demon that is! He probably follow a path similar to Lucifer Morningstar from the show "Lucifer," transforming into a figure with a psychologist-like role, assisting others in finding redemption and embracing goodness haha.

Section 7. 1 God Placed People From All Walks of Life In Gu Won's Path to Help Him Become His Best Self

Every person God strategically placed in Gu Won's path served a unique purpose, guiding him toward personal growth and offering them a chance at salvation. Take, for instance, the Wild Dogs. God orchestrated their encounter to provide Gu Won with an opportunity to rehabilitate them, transforming them into a force for good rather than evil. Similarly, the girl and her mother were placed in Gu Won's path so that he could learn guilt and compassion. Additionally, they were placed in his path so he could use his guardian demon powers to heal the girl without damning her mother to Hell!

In the case of Ga Yeong and Seok Min, I think God placed them in Gu Won's path so he can learn to forgive those who basically killed him in the past. Forgiving those whose choices once led to one's death is a challenge, but it's a necessary step in Gu Won's journey toward becoming a guardian demon.

Simultaneously, God granted Ga Yeong and Seok Min a second chance at redemption for their past actions. Witnessing Gu Won and Do Hee's genuine love for each other might be the very thing that contributes to the healing of their dark hearts, leading them to realize that deceit and manipulation should not be employed to obtain love. Quite frankly, they both need to learn to let go and move on haha.

As for Park Bok Gyu, God strategically placed him in Gu Won's life to be a positive influence, reminding Gu Won of his humanity and encouraging him to embrace his role as a guardian demon. In return, God restored Park Bok Gyu's past memories, preventing him from inadvertently signing another contract and facing a second stint in Hell. It's a fair exchange, highlighting God's generous repayment for those who serve her purpose. Random thought, is Secretary Shin like a real angel or something? Because "shin" in Korean does mean "god" haha.

Last but certainly not least, Do Hee. God placed her in Gu Won's path to assist him in confronting his inner demons, particularly the guilt he harbors for failing to protect her in their past lives. Forgiving oneself is one of the most challenging feats, and Do Hee is poised to help Gu Won realize that the tragic events of the past were not his fault. This, perhaps, stands as one of the final steps before Gu Won can fully embrace his role as a guardian demon.

God also put Do Hee on Gu Won's path so he can help Do Hee in her journey of self-forgiveness. Do Hee carried the burden of guilt for the deaths of her parents and Madam Ju, and God intended for Gu Won to be a guiding light in helping her forgive herself. Moreover, God orchestrated their meeting to help Do Hee overcome her lingering fears, including her aversion to water (in Ep 9 she didn't want to get on the ferry haha). I think her fear of water stemmed from the traumatic events of their past lives, where she and Gu Won met their demise in the ocean.

Section 7.2 No More Following The Rules in The Demon Book

In my last post, I predicted Gu Won would break one of the rules in the demon book to protect Do Hee and that's exactly what happened in Ep 10! Can you guess which rule he broke? It was the rule that stated, "You can't bring back the dead". With the training wheels off, Gu Won could now bring back the dead and that's how Do Hee was alive again and fully healed. You're probably like wait why didn't Gu Won spontaneously combust? Because he became a guardian demon!

You see, the rules in the demon book only applied to devil demons, not guardian demons. What does this mean? It means Gu Won could now do all the things the rule book said devil demons couldn't do (review my previous post for the rules). According to Kwang Chul, humans were greater than the devil or God because they could be anything. Be it the devil, god, or something much greater. In Gu Won's case, he became something much greater. He became a mutant.... a mortal human with demon powers just like I previously said.

Here comes that quote again, "With great powers come great responsibilities." God couldn't make Gu Won a guardian demon right off the bat. He had to go through a bunch of trials and tribulations beforehand so he could learn to use those powers responsibly. I mean, can you imagine if God gave Gu Won those God-like powers with no rules back when he was a spoiled lazy rich boy during Joseon? The world would be destroyed as we know it!

However, it's not over yet people! Remember Gu Won still has 1.2 years left of work in his contract with God! If he doesn't finish up that contract, he can still spontaneously combust regardless if he's a guardian demon or not! Also, Gu Won can kill now which is scary! If I were Seok Min, I would be shaking in my boots right now. Madam Ju did say Seok Min would have to pay for his sins sooner or later!

In the end, Gu Won won't be a man who couldn't have his cake and eat it too. He'll become a man who can have his cake and eat it too! He just has to learn to be a good hard-working boy like Pinocchio haha. If you work hard and live a righteous life, God rewards you with all of your heart's desires (The atheist in me wants to vomit... sorry haha).

Section 8: Who Leaked Information About Gu Won and Do Hee's Whereabouts?

Everyone is thinking it's Secretary Shin who leaked the info about Gu Won and Do Hee's location. However, I think it was Do Gyeong. Seok Min probably had Kwang Chul place a tracker on Do Hee's car and when Do Gyeong hacked Seok Min's phone, he was able to obtain the tracking data. As for Team Judas, maybe Seok Hoon had placed a tracker in Do Hee's purse or put himself as a contact in her "Find My" app!

Section 9: Symbolism

Section 9.1 The Necklaces

In my first MD post, I highlighted the presence of both a silver and a gold necklace worn by Gu Won and Do Hee, and I've now unraveled the significance behind them: Gold symbolizes the Sun and Heaven, while Silver represents the Moon and Hell. Let's delve into Gu Won's necklaces first.

As mentioned previously, the silver cross necklace was speculated to either have belonged to Do Hee or been a gift from her to Gu Won. Notably, Gu Won's gold necklace doesn't feature a cross (unlike Do Hee's necklaces, which bear lover's knots). Why is this? Simply put, Gu Won didn't embrace faith in God and wasn't a Catholic. Gu Won wearing the silver necklace with the cross serves as a testament to Do Hee's steadfast faith, which played a pivotal role in saving them from eternal damnation in Hell. At the same time, when I think of silver, I think of Judas who betrayed Jesus for 30 silver coins, werewolves, and vampires haha.

The choice of material may also offer insights into Gu Won and Do Hee's past. Gold, being an expensive material, was a luxury afforded only by the wealthy, such as noblemen. In contrast, silver, being more affordable, aligns with the humbler status of individuals like kisaengs. Silver exudes humility akin to Do Hee, while gold mirrors the extravagant and ostentatious nature of Gu Won haha.

Now, turning to Do Hee's necklaces – they symbolize the enduring connection between her and Gu Won, transcending realms of Hell and Heaven forever and to infinity! Their love acts as a powerful force, enabling them to overcome any barriers to be reunited.

Section 9.2 Flowers

Section 9.2a Devil's Trumpets

Remember Devil's Trumpets from "The Glory" haha? Its scientific name is Datura stramonium, also known as devil's snare (any Harry Potter fans here? haha). This plant belongs to the nightshade family, a group where many members are poisonous (potatoes, eggplants, tomatoes, etc are part of this family, but they're not toxic). While Devil's Trumpets can be highly toxic, they can also possess medicinal properties and have been used to treat various illnesses. Occult practitioners sometimes consume this flower for visionary experiences.

In the story of Romeo and Juliet, the poison the star-crossed lovers consumed was from a member of the nightshade family called "Belladonna." Considering this, Ga Yeong's poison to Do Hee could have been either Devil's Trumpets or Belladonna. Additionally, the Devil's Trumpet might symbolize Gu Won, suggesting that despite the toxicity of his family (the Ju family), he is a benevolent person capable of healing rather than harming. He's an eggplant haha!

Section 9.2b Poppy

What do poppies symbolize? Death, dreams, and remembrance. It's fitting given in the Ep 11 preview, Gu Won will have a dream of his past life and remember shit. Who knows maybe we will finally get to see how he died? The poppy in his ear could also be a foreshadow that he will die again verrryyyy soon haha.

Section 9.3 Snakes

Christianity seems to have a knack for twisting once-positive symbols into something negative! Before snakes became synonymous with evil, the Devil, and Satan, they were revered as good spirits in Greek and Korean mythology

In Ancient Greece, snakes were often linked to Agathodaimon, a lesser deity meaning "good/noble spirit" (this is what Gu Won is; I bet the writer will mention this term haha). Agathodaemons were household gods and protectors of those who worshipped them. Representations of Agathodaimon featured snakes with a poppy flower (similar to Gu Won's in the EP 11 preview) and an ear of grain, symbolizing prosperity and fertility respectively. This deity was also portrayed as a man holding a cornucopia, akin to Thanksgiving traditions. Ancient Greeks would honor Agathodaimon with a few drops of wine after a meal.

In Greek myths, Agathodaimon was believed to be the spouse of Tyche (probably Do Hee), the goddess of fate and fortune (also known as Lady Fortuna or Lady Luck). In Egypt, Agathodaimon was associated with Osiris, the Lord of the Underworld, and Shai, the god of fate. Basically, you would want Agathodaimon because he would bring you good luck, wealth, and protection.

In Korean mythology, snakes were also viewed as creatures of good luck. For example, in Korean myths, the Imoogi was one big fat snake that brought good luck and fertility to crops. However, it was believed if you ever prevented an Imoogi from ascending to the Heavens, bad shit would happen like plagues, typhoons, infertile land, and famine. The overall message is don't kill snakes because bad shit will happen. I'm suddenly getting a bad feeling Gu Won is going to get killed and a natural disaster will occur haha. For those wanting to learn more about Imoogis, you can click on the link below or Google it.

So y'all are probably wondering why the hell i'm telling you all of this? It's because in Ep 10, Gu Won rolled what is known as "snake eyes". The reason this roll is called "snake eyes" is because the 1's resemble the two pips to the eyes of a snake. In craps, this roll can either mean you're really lucky or unlucky, representing an odd phenomenon. For example, when you roll snake eyes on the initial roll, you have to roll it again on the next roll to win the round. However, the probability of rolling "snake eyes" is very low (2.78%).

Another thing to mention is how 2 odd numbers can equal an even number where 1+1=2. You could also view Gu Won's roll as a good omen because it's 1...1....11 which is considered a lucky number! Our little lovers are snakes who are bringers of luck and fertility haha.

FYI, one of God's rolls was a "push" or "standoff" roll which are two 6's. Like snake eyes, this roll has the same low probability of 2.78%. The funny thing about Gu Won's roll and God's roll is that Gu Won's roll is the lowest value you can get which is 2 and God's roll is the highest value you can get which is 12.

Section 10: OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS

I have none. I'm brain-dead from researching, thinking of stuff, and editing this monster of a post. K byeeee

#my demon #there are probably grammatical mistakes #song kang #kim yoojung #do dohee #jeong gu won #gu won #devil #ga Yeong #do hee #why did i write so much #my brain hurts now #kim you jung #long post #long reads #i hate plagiarists #daemon #seok hoon #the writer of this show is so religious hahaha

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kill-the-feels · 7 months

Text

the most dangerous thing is to love ~ ch. IV

a/n: hey besties!! it's been a hot minute since i've been on here and even longer since i updated this, but i come bearing a fun chapter so i hope you'll forgive me! i've also got the next four or five chapters plotted out, so the next few updates should be quicker in coming! thanks to everyone who's waited and loved it so far! <3 (previous part) (master list)

warnings: language, lots of snark, references to past injuries, slight horror vibe at the end

word count: ~4.9k

You crouch behind Fett as he lays flat against the edge of the cliff, eyes squinting in the blistering sunlight.

The crystal water all around you shimmers in the distance, the dark forest and cave system between you and the shore.

“I don’t see anything,” he says. You creep up beside him, mirroring his pose, lest you fall over the side.

This is the highest point on the island, a rocky hill that left the both of you winded on the climb up.

“Nothing?” you repeat. He gives you a wicked side-eye, the kind that gives a blaster bolt a run for its money, irritation at your questioning evident.

“Nothing. You’re positive it was bones you found?” You clench your jaw, his skeptical tone grating. This is the third time the two of you have been over this.

“Unless sticks are shockingly white and humanoid. And carry ancient med kits.” He snorts beside you, wiggling himself back away from the ledge.

“This little island is clearly uninhabited. And there are no signs of life. Which makes the presence of another human-”

“Disturbing, to say the least,” you interrupt. He glares at you.

“And unlikely.” You glance at the horizon. Empty, same as it has been.

“Or like us — unlucky. Who’s to say they weren’t like us? Survivors who washed up here, survived as long as they could, then died.” You paint a morbid picture, and Fett makes a face.

“This cannot be the only island on the whole planet. Someone has to be out there.” He's trying to be logical about this whole thing, but you remain unconvinced.

“Maybe. But I don’t like our odds.” Fett fiddles with a button on his wrist, and you watch as it blinks red twice, then shuts off.

“Damn it,” he mutters under his breath, hurrying back the way you came before you can ask any questions. ~~~ The climb back down takes the rest of your afternoon, and the two of you retreat back into the caves as night sets in, building a fire and sitting closer to it for warmth.

“We need food,” you say, halving a ration bar and passing him half. He scowls at it.

“These taste like shit,” Fett says bluntly. You nibble on the edge of it, trying to make it last, so you can trick your stomach into thinking it’s more food than it is.

“I’m sorry, I’ll have the chef prepare something else for next time,” you say, and he glares at you, his favorite pastime.

“If someone hadn’t tossed my helmet, it’d be easier to find things to eat.” You make a face, sticking your tongue out at him like a three-year-old. Always about that damn helmet.

“We could also fish," you suggest. "Got to be plenty of those.” Fett pokes a stick in the fire, ignoring you.

“Tomorrow you’re showing me where you found the bones,” he says instead. Unease slithers down your spine.

“I’d rather not go back there.” He finally glances at you, disdain barely masked on his face.

“Afraid of the nexu?” You clench your jaw, grabbing your own stick to poke the fire with.

“No.” It’s the truth. It’s not the nexu that leaves your skin crawling. It’s the idea of being back in that spot. Everything was so still and quiet, and you can’t shake the sensation that something else was there besides the nexu, watching you.

“If you found the med kit there, odds are there are other supplies. We’re going back.” His tone leaves no room for argument, and you bite off another corner of your ration bar, gathering your courage to poke the proverbial bear again.

“Why are you the one calling all the shots?” You interrupt the silence, unable to let it go. Fett doesn't respond at first, instead twisting his stick in the flames, burning a neat circle around the end. His silence is worse than his caustic arguments, because you can't argue with silence.

“I thought this was a truce.” Bitterness seeps into your voice as you try again.

“If you with your infinite knowledge of survival would like to be in charge, then by all means,” he says calmly. A small flame grows on the end of the stick, steadily climbing up its length to his hand. Fett smudges the stick out in the dirt.

The side of his mouth tilts up, just barely, and you gape. Instead of arguing with you, meeting your anger with the plenty of his own that he's got stored up, he does that.

“Did you just make a joke?” Your own stick burns, and you toss it in the fire instead of extinguishing it.

“I don’t make jokes,” he says, stretching out on his back, one hand resting behind his head. You stare at him as he throws the other arm over his eyes.

“You made a joke.” He gives you a noncommittal hum.

“Some of us are trying to sleep,” Fett says. You snatch up another stick, letting it catch fire. When it burns, you hold onto it, torn between smudging it out and burying it in Fett’s ribs.

In the end, you put it in the dirt beside his stick, pillowing your hands under your head and shutting your eyes. ~~~ “Get up.” The foot to the ribs doesn’t feel any better than before, and your eyes fly open, glare ready.

“Good morning to you too, ass,” you mutter. The sun is barely peaking over the hills but the morning is already hot and steamy, with distant creatures calling out in the jungle.

The waves crash against the rocks as you eat the half of the ration bar Fett passes you on his way out of the cave. You’re scrambling to follow, still half-asleep and vaguely confused.

“Easy,” you huff, sliding on loose rocks as you make your way up the hill. “Do you know where you’re going?”

In your haste to follow him, you put your foot down on the wrong rock, and it twists, sending you sprawling on your knees. Fett catches hold of your upper arm before you can slide too far down, hefting you back to your feet.

“We’re meant to be walking, not sliding,” he says. Blowing hair out of your eyes, you watch where you step, until the two of you reach the top of the hill, just outside of the tree line.

“Where do we go from here?” He's looking at you expectedly, like you should just know where to go. You hesitate, trying to remember.

“I was trying to head to the beach, where we washed up,” you say. “And I know I headed downwards, pretty much straight in.” You bite your lip, unsure how to tell Fett that you basically stumbled onto the spot.

He glances at the sky.

“You have no idea where we should be going,” he says. It isn’t a question.

“I know the general idea. Just… be quiet and let me think.” After the nexu attacked you, it was a miracle you managed to make it back. The green all looks the same, and you have a feeling that the less you try to navigate, the more the your instinct takes over. Plus, the cave is next to the water, so you were able to follow the sound of the waves as you got close enough.

But as you walk forward, the jungle starts to look a little less confusing, certain landmarks seeming familiar. Fett follows silently behind you, shoving leaves and branches out of his way with more force than is probably strictly necessary.

He says nothing, but gradually his breathing gets heavier, like he’s struggling to keep up, still recovering from being sick. You round the corner, into a small, open area littered with rocks.

“Let’s stop for a minute,” you say. Fett glances around, eyes tracing the line of the trees.

“Is this where you were?” he asks, leaning on a waist-high rock. You shake your head.

“No, I don’t recognize any of this. But I need a breather.” The look he gives you is not amused.

“So we keep walking.” He starts off, headed in what feels like the complete wrong direction. With a groan, you hurry after him.

“We can keep walking all you want, but I’m telling you, I need to take a breather, and so do you, and I’m not sure which way I-”

Fett takes another step forward and something clicks under his foot. He freezes and you react on instinct, holding your breath.

“What was that?” He glances back at you without moving, then looks down, lips set in a grim line. Slowly, he crouches, keeping his feet in the same position, until he can brush the leaves and detritus of the jungle away.

His spine stiffens, ramrod straight, and more telling than anything he could say with his words.

“It’s a mine,” he says, voice flat and without any emotion. He's way too calm for the situation, in your opinion. You squint at the ground, just able to make out the top of a durasteel circle.

“Why is there a fucking mine?” you ask, voice a horrified whisper. Fett looks around as he carefully stands back up.

“I don’t know. But there are probably more. Are there any under your feet?” You crouch, maintaining your position the same way he did, and carefully clear away the leaves covering the ground around you.

“I don’t see any.” Fett’s jaw clenches.

“Go back the way we came,” he says. “Watch your feet, trace your steps as best you can.”

“And you?” He eyes the distance between you two.

“Just go.” You shake your head.

“No, we can come up with something. We’re a team now, remember?” He rolls his eyes.

“As if you’d ever let me forget.” Instead of stepping away, you step closer.

“For once in your fucking life, can’t you listen?” he says, angry. “If you step on one, at best we’re both screwed, at worst, we both die.” You stop moving.

“Okay. Since we’re stuck — for now — let’s discuss: why are there mines?” You add the “for now” when he glares at you.

“You’ll be happy to know this counts as a sign of life,” Fett says. “And is one hell of a disturbing way to find out.” Thunder rumbles above the two of you.

“It definitely ranks above the bones,” you say. The wind whistles through the trees, brushing over your skin, leaving chills in its wake.

“Bones can’t kill you.” He looks above him, at the way the clouds are steadily thickening.

“What do we do?” Fett looks behind him, at the way the two of you came. He sighs, rubbing his hands down his face.

“I don’t suppose you have secrets skills with defusing bombs hidden up your sleeve.” You’d almost believe it was a joke, except you know Fett and find it hard to believe he’s joking right now. You’re certainly not laughing.

“Sorry, fresh out of that one,” you say, wiping the sweat off your forehead. Fett closes his eyes, seeming to gather himself before he looks at your fingers.

“Alright. Do exactly as I say.” He reaches for one of the pouches on his belt, pulling out a tiny blade and a little pointed rod of durasteel. When you hesitate, he shakes them at you, drawing you closer.

You move carefully, examining the ground before you shuffle your feet forward until you’re right in front of him.

“What now?” Fett crouches a little, trying to get a good look at the mine.

“Clean it off some more — carefully — so we can see what we’re working with. There should be a place to unscrew the casing. That’s what the pointed piece is for. Tell me when you’ve done that.”

Gently, holding your breath lest you breathe too hard and set the damn thing off, you scrape away dirt and leaves until the muddy mine stares up at you. There’s a raised circular section, with dirt caked into what looks like a tiny X.

“Unscrew there,” Boba says, and you flex your fingers to try and work out the shakiness.

“No problem. Anything else while I’m down here? Some refreshments, maybe?” He scoffs.

“Cut the shit and focus on what you’re doing.” You save the choice words you’ve got for him because it takes too much of your concentration to make sure the little rod is fitting correctly in the corroded X of the screw.

Slowly, it gives way and starts to twist.

“Wait until it’s almost all the way free, then switch to your fingers and twist — slowly. When you get it out, put it to the side and pry the casing open just enough to see what’s inside. Try not to disturb any wires.” He makes the instruction sound like something as simple as baking.

“How am I meant to pry it open and not disturb any wires?” The screw loosens dangerously and you quickly grab at it with your fingers, giving it the final few twists it takes to pull it all the way out. You set it and the rod to the side. Taking a deep breath, you ready yourself for the hard part.

“Get at an angle where you can see down inside without moving it too much. Tell me what you see.” You make a face, the angle required putting your face right next to his leg.

The proximity is weird and makes the situation even worse. Squinting, you try to make out what’s under the dirt.

“Bunches of wires,” you mutter.

“I know that,” Fett says, and you can hear the eye roll. “What color?”

Your head is fully pressed against his leg now, fingers trying to delicately crack open the side some more.

“Brown,” you say finally. “And a blue and white one. Maybe a black one under all that? Or a dark grey?” He huffs.

“Which? It’s important to know.” And really, it shouldn’t surprise you that Fett knows how to disarm a mine. He is the Boba Fett after all.

“Black,” you say decisively, because either you’re right or you’ll be dead wrong and blissfully dead so you don’t have to hear about how you were wrong.

“Cut the brown wire.” You look at the blade in your hand.

“Uh, not to question you, but that was awful quick. Are you sure, buddy?” He looks down at you, where your head is still pressed to his leg.

“Cut the brown wire,” he says through gritted teeth.

Slowly, you stab the blade into the gap, trying to not to touch any other wires. Your heart is racing, skin buzzing with anticipation.

Ever so gently, you turn the blade, watching in fascination as it severs the brown wire.

It is a win, you suppose, that you don’t immediately blow up.

But Fett still has to move his foot.

“Is it cut?” he asks. You nod, already carefully backing away.

“Get back here,” he says, “and cut the blue and white one.”

“I have to cut more?” You’re not proud of the way your voice whines. He glares at you, not even dignifying you with a response.

This time, you’re less careful, slicing your way through it.

“And now the dark grey one?” you ask. He jerks his gaze down to you.

“You said it was black!” Is that fear in his voice?

“I meant black, calm down.”

“Don’t touch the last wire. Back up.” You hold your breath, watching.

Your heart bangs against your rib cage as Fett slowly inches his weight off.

There’s a click and you squeeze your eyes shut. Waiting.

It doesn’t blow.

“Fuck,” he hisses, resting his palms on his thighs, catching his breath. You sigh in relief and he pins you with an unamused stare.

“Some thanks for saving your life would be nice,” you say, and he ignores you. The thunder is louder this time, vibrating against your bones.

“Let’s get moving,” Fett orders, as a few fat raindrops start to fall on your heads.

“Back to camp?” you ask, and he shakes his head.

“It’d take too long. Let’s find somewhere to hunker down.” The two of you set off in the opposite direction, moving as quickly as you can as the rain picks up. ~~~ He’s damn lucky.

Squinting through the curtain of rain, Boba follows you as the two of you try to find somewhere to take shelter.

It makes him wish he had his helmet, but he’s not complaining, because he’s damn lucky.

Even now, his hands are still shaking so badly that he keeps them clenched into fists, ignoring the way his legs feel weak and wobbly. He’ll take that to his grave, thank you very much.

But still, being forced to confront his own mortality twice in less than a week is not doing great things for his mental space, especially when he has to deal with you, instead of having peace and quiet to process everything.

“Up ahead,” he calls, seeing a rocky overhang that juts out enough to offer some cover.

Cold rain runs down the back of his neck, slipping underneath the collar of his flight suit and sending shivers down his spine.

It worsens his mood, his frustration making it hard to concentrate. You slide underneath the rock, the space just big enough for the two of you to sit shoulder-to-shoulder, heads brushing the rock above you.

“I hate the rain.” Boba blinks at you as the words slip from the both of you in unison.

“Ha,” you say, nudging your shoulder with his. He shoves back, disliking the contact. “Figures we’d have something in common.” Boba scowls out at the grey curtain cutting the two of you off from the rest of the world.

Rain makes his bones ache, makes him feel cold and clammy, and it’s just so loud.

“It’ll pass,” he says, not sure if he’s reassuring himself or you. You glance at him.

“I know. But if you get sick again, I’m going to be pissed.” He rolls his eyes.

“Not gonna get sick.” You don’t look convinced, your hands twisting in your lap. Rainwater that must have been collecting above him gushes over the side of the rock, running down his side, soaking him. Boba glares, biting back the groan and unintentionally shifting closer to you.

“Easy, big guy,” you say, and he looks down to find your hand in the center of his chest piece as he ends up nearly in your lap.

“It’s getting too wet over here,” he says, glad that his brown skin hides the way he can feel his cheeks getting hot.

With a long-suffering sigh, you scoot over, towards the edge on your side, and he moves closer, hating that his options are touching you or sitting in the small waterfall.

“If it isn’t raining, it broiling hot,” you say. “I wish we could just have one day with moderate temperatures and nothing trying to kill us. No cliffs, no killer cats, and no fucking mines.” Boba snorts.

“I dunno. Mines and cliffs are easy enough to avoid. If there wasn’t any challenge, we might get bored.” You roll your eyes at him, and Boba looks away, momentarily distracted by the strange jump in his chest.

It’s the physical contact, he decides. He hasn’t had something like that in years, not since Jango died. Obviously, he’s had lovers. But it’s different, a quick release that ends just as soon as it’s begun.

The last time he sat this close to someone? And didn’t do anything else, but just sat? He couldn’t say.

“What if it doesn’t let up? Do we camp here?” You make a good point, but he’s not exactly sure where the two of you are, and the rain makes it hard to see where you’ve been. Trying to navigate your way back to camp could prove fatal.

“We don’t have to make a decision yet,” he says, giving you a non-answer that has you rolling your eyes again.

“Sure thing, boss,” you mutter, tilting your head back and closing your eyes. Your brow stays furrowed, like you’re thinking about something that’s troubling you. Boba stares at the rain, willing it to stop. It doesn’t work. It never does, but it didn’t stop him from trying when he was a little boy and it doesn’t stop now.

“How does a person like you end up on a bounty hunter’s radar?” he asks, hating the silence. You open one eye, glancing at him, unamused.

“You know how. It’s the same as it always is.” Objectively, he knows the answer. Jabba put the bounty out, so it has something to do with the Hutts. It’s why he took this job.

But he wants to know what exactly you, of all people, did to merit being hunted down, other than being a wise-ass.

You clench your hands in your lap, twisting your fingers around each other. There’s a barely contained anger there, simmering just below the surface. He recognizes it because he sees it in himself, an odd realization to have.

“That can’t be the whole story,” he prods. “You weren’t worth the fuel it took to find you.” Your jaw clenches and you stare pointedly into the rain.

“And yet, it is.” You don’t offer anything else, just take a few measured breaths in and out, calming your temper. It’s a little impressive actually, to see that you are capable of reigning in your blistering comments. ~~~ You know what he’s doing. He’s probing, trying to learn more about you. What you don’t know is why. You two might be allies, but you’re certainly not friends.

He scraps a spare blade over the side of the rock, sharpening it.

Most likely he’s asking because he still can’t believe that the Hutts are really that petty. Regrettably? They are.

Fett shifts beside you, his knee brushing yours, and you resist the urge to shove him away. You’re cranky right now, back stiff and stinging with the stitches.

And just when you’d started to dry out from the last afternoon thunder shower, here you are, soaking wet again.

Your head hurts too, most likely from dehydration and hunger, and you’re to the point where you just want to tear into something with your hands. Fett’s looking more and more like a solid target, especially if you have to keep sitting in close quarters like this.

“Something is jamming my fucking signal,” Fett says, breaking the silence. Slowly, you turn to look at him.

He shows you the same button on his wrist he was messing with when you climbed to the high point on the island. Once more, it blinks red twice, then shuts off.

“It’s not just dead?” you ask, unsure how it works.

“No, it’s not dead. This thing is meant to be used in emergencies. It’s powerful and can pick up any frequency. When it can connect. Even if there’s no one in the area, it should let me transmit something out, to be heard if someone gets near us.” You hear the unintentional emphasis on “if.” Not knowing exactly where you are in the galaxy makes this ten times harder.

For all you know, the two of you could be in the far reaches, where people rarely — if ever — make it.

“Have you been trying it out this whole time?” He gives you his signature side-eye, before slapping it a little harder.

“When I’ve been awake and able, yes. I’m not an idiot.” Your mouth opens of its own volition, the scathing reply poised to leap off your tongue, Fett unintentionally setting you up perfectly.

And just like that, it quits raining, saving you from most likely putting your foot in your mouth again and starting another fight with Fett.

The last remnants of rain drip down the branches of the trees, soaking into the ground, filling the jungle with a quiet hush. You peer into foliage, watching as a steamy mist rises up from the warm ground.

Now that the rain has stopped, it’s humid, everything around you clammy. Fett wastes no time brushing past you, slicking his hair back, the curls unruly and wet.

He peers into the jungle around you, eyes scanning the foliage.

“Does any of this look familiar?” he asks, and you’re tempted to say yes, just so he thinks you’re more useful than you currently are.

“No,” you say honestly. “I think we made a wrong turn.” Fett rolls his eyes.

“There is no ‘we’ in this. You got us lost.”

“Ehh,” you say, face screwing up. “Maybe technically, but really I told you from the beginning. I don’t know how I got there.” His scoff is filled with contempt, and he shoves your shoulder.

“That way. That’s the direction of the caves. We’ll try again tomorrow.” The prospect of spending another day hiking through the jungle in the broiling heat and inevitable rain does not fill you with joy, but you figure it’s in your best interest not to argue right now.

So you stomp forward, crashing through the foliage, generally being as loud as you can, because you’re learning that the creatures who inhabit this island dislike the noise and tend to run from it.

You round the corner of another large boulder, and freeze.

The tree.

In the misty steam rising from the jungle floor, it’s not as clear as it was the last time, but it’s definitely the tree, the same moss covering it as last time. There’s the pool beside it; you're unable to see the waterfall trickling down, but able to hear it in the hushed stillness all the same.

Fett rams into your back, nearly knocking you over, and you don’t even protest at the sudden sharp pain from your stitches.

You just keep staring at the tree, the mist moving all around, like another entity.

Your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth, unwilling to break the silence, even to tell him this is it. The sun is still overhead, and if you look behind you, you can see it peeking through the trees. But in front of you, this tree and its little haven, remain shrouded in shadows.

Your eyes fall to the base of the tree, where you know the patch of grass rests, housing the long-forgotten bones.

You force your foot forward, having difficulty picking it up, like you’re slogging through layers of mud.

You shouldn’t be here.

The words come unbidden to your mind, whispered as clear as day, like someone spoke them into your ear. Fett hasn’t moved either, looking between you and the tree. He squints at something, resting on a root beside the tree. The dark shape looks familiar, and you’re fairly certain it wasn’t here last time.

A cold wind whistles through the trees above your head, stirring the mist and rushing over your arms, like two cold hands.

You back up a step, bumping into Fett again. Something is wrong here. You shouldn’t be here. There’s a pregnant pause, the anticipation nearly killing you, everything in your body telling you to run.

You blink. Once. Twice.

The mist fades away. Gradually, the sun seeps into the clearing, the cold wind replaced by the same balmy breeze everywhere else on the island.

In the absence of the mist, you can see what the shape is.

“Is that my fucking helmet?” Fett speaks first, disrupting the silence and causing you to jump. He charges forward before you can stop him, and you have no choice but to follow, feet no longer stuck to the ground.

He snatches it up and spins on you, finger pointed in accusation.

“Is this why you didn’t want to come here? Why you’ve been leading me in fucking circles? Real funny.” You’re shaking your head, genuinely afraid, but not of him. It feels like he’s disturbing something, being too loud when he should grab the helmet and get the hell out of here.

“I didn’t know,” you whisper. “It wasn’t here last time. I swear.” Your eyes fall to the patch of grass, the bright green almost unnatural against the dark moss.

Is there—? Yes, just there, the white of the bone. Only, it looks like it’s been rearranged, because you definitely left that thing sticking up more.

“Fett, we need to go,” you say softly, and he must hear something in your voice that your words are not saying, because he blinks and looks around for the first time.

The leaves brush together above you, sounding like a crowd whispering. Debating something. The sun shifts again, slipping out of the clearing, and you watch as the mist starts to swirl back up. The cold returns, and you take a quick step back, as shivers race up and down your spine.

Fett tugs his helmet on and reaches for a blaster.

“Don’t,” you risk calling. “Let’s go.” You take another step back, out of the clearing, into the sunny jungle. Fett looks back at the tree one more time, before he follows you.

Neither of you speak for the entire trek back to the cave.

When the sun sets, Fett tightens his grip on his blaster, and you notice the way he stokes the fire higher, until it lights up every corner of the cave.

#boba fett x reader #boba fett x you #reader insert #listen I know mines don't work like that but this is SW so we're pretending #I wrote this and then let it percolate over the summer while having an identity crisis #but here we are finally and doing much better <3 #thanks for reading!! <3

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