#but here we are finally and doing much better <3

[silverwhittlingknife]

So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!

No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)

25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim

This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:

WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3

Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)

I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!

Below the cut:

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)

On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)

Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)

I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)

I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)

1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)

2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)

3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)

4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)

5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)

On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)

6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)

7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)

8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)

9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)

10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)

Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)

11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)

12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)

13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)

14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)

15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)

I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)

16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have.  If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)

17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)

17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)

18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)

19) In my head he’s the responsible one.  (Gotham Knights 10)

I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)

20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)

21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)

22) I trust him.  When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)

23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)

24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)

25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)

Final rambling thoughts:

TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.

SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.

And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf

All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.

But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!

Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.

And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --

-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3

[sanaexus]

social's as shidou's girlfriend

-liked by itoshi_sae, isaichii and 145.7k others

yourusername: i feel bad for rin this mf don't even go easy on his on girl

tagged: shiidoryu

shiidoryu: they say all is fair in war and love ↳itoshi_sae: it's love and war fucking idiot ↳shiidoryu: you love me 🥺👉👈 ↳yourusername: mate IN MY FUCKING COMMENTS? ↳shiidoryu: you're saving as if i don't eat that pussy every night ↳yourusername: blocked. reported. I FUCKING HATE YOU??? ↳chigi.who: woah guys maybe like don't do that here??

nikkoki: why the last image. ↳yourusername: why not 🙁 ↳megubachi: for gits and shiggles 🥰 ↳rin.itoshi: that's not the fucking quote?? ↳megubachi: and you're not the best striker so stafu ↳rin.itoshi: TAJTS SO UNNNESCARY?? ↳isaichii: look at rin finally genz-ing w the spelling errors and capital letters ↳hiyori: feels like yesterday he was js a little baby ↳megubachi: they grow up too fast ↳rin.itoshi: you guys are my 13th reason.

shiidoryu: si 💔you💔won't💔mention💔the💔part💔where💔i💔 bought💔you💔icecream💔and 💔then💔talked💔sjit💔ab 💔your💔ex💔 ↳yourusername: and you're not gonna mention the part where we had the bet who could swing the fastest and i won bc you fell on your butt and felt like you were ab to throw up so you HAD to get me icecream? ↳shiidoryu: #donttakltomeiamdespressed #betryaedbymyowngf #emo ↳karasu_tabito: HE FELL ON HIS ASS? DO YOU HAVE THE RECORDING I'LL PAY FOR IT ↳yourusername: bet how much we talking? ↳karasu_tabito: enough to buy another shidou prolly ↳yourusername: check your dms ↳eita.otoya: are we buying people from the black market ↳kenyu.yukimiya: no we are not the fuck?

-liked by kuniisuke, megubachi and 159.4k others

shiidoryu: i actually do love my girl and i don't always act gay

tagged: yourusername

julian.loki: "i actually do love my girl" proceeds to try to throw her into a garbage can ↳mikka.kaiser: fucking dustbin you mean? ↳hiyori: OH MY GOD U REMIND ME AB LINDASY FROM MY 4TH GRADE CLASS WHO USED TO NITPICK ON EVERYONE FOR THERE ENGLISH ↳mikka.kaiser: their* ↳isaichii: stfu it's called a trashcan ↳kuniisuke: i think we're straying off topic BC THAT'S A WHOLE AHH HUMAN THAT'S GOING TO BE PUT ON A FUCKING DUSTBIN ↳mikka.kaiser: in* ↳oliver.aikyu: i swear to fucking god i will ↳alexis.ness: nuh uh ↳yourusername: MAN KUNIGAMI AND OLIVER THE ONLY REAL ONES FR ↳oliver.aiku: we gotchu girl ↳kuniisuke: second that except in a less gay manner ↳julian.loki: SHE'S BEING PUT IN TRASH. ↳rin.itoshi: she's fine. shidou has that trash tan all the time ↳megubachi: i think she's okay considering how ego roams around with that garbage ahh haircut ↳isaichii: that trash can't be worse than igaguri's football skills, she's fine ↳mikka.kaiser: YOU SAID FOOTBALL THANK FUCKING YOU ↳shiidoryu: you're fucking him?

user1: ignoring the second picture the one is actually so cute like 🌷🧚‍♀️💅🎀💕✨‼💯 ↳yourusername: lyt cutie ↳shiidoryu: YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME CUTE? ↳yourusername: go stare at sae's ass or something ↳itoshi_sae: no don't do that don't stare at my ass ↳yourusername: jokes aside he was actually nice to me in that picture (he didn't try throwing me off) ↳user2: something in that sentence makes me think she got thrown off a swing far too many times ↳shiidoryu: in my defense she keeps putting tomatoes in my sandwhich ↳yourusername: you look like one don't blame me

karasu_tabito: did he fall on his butt this time? ↳yourusername: he was careful bc i was sitting on his lap ↳eita.otoya: shidou in his softie green flag era? ↳yourusername: what if he's actually doing this to gain my trust and like gives me off to some kidnapper ↳nikkoki: bffr rn he would probably BE the kidnapper ↳shiidoryu: yeah what if I AM the kidnapper

-liked by chigi.who, hiyori and 198.5k others

yourusername: he isn't always an asshole <3

tagged: shiidoryu

chigi.who: the last picture?? ↳yourusername: my life goals right there ↳yourusername: shidou that better be us when we grow up ↳shiidoryu: that already IS us ↳yourusername: are you called me a 73.8 year old grandma? ↳shiidoryu: IN MY DEFENSE IM CALLING MY SELF A GRANDPA TOO

aryu.jubei: your hair is very ✨glam✨drop the hair care routine (did he try to yank your hair?) ↳yourusername: check dms ↳yourusername: SURPRISNGLY NO?? HE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE TODAY?? ↳shiidoryu: i'm always nice baby ↳yourusername: yeah to your side chicks ↳shiidoryu: YOU are the side chick, sae is ml ↳yourusername: oh fuck you what does that man have other than thick thighs, a thick ass and an ass attitude ↳itoshi_sae: what do i not have ↳yourusername: proper relationship with your family ↳itoshi_sae: fuck off

shiidoryu: you look pretty ↳yourusername: ily im gonna go cry ↳shiidoryu: DON'T CRY WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOW I COMPLIMENTED YOU ↳yourusername: THAT'S THE THING YOI COMPLIMENTED ME ↳shiidoryu: wajt

user3: she looks so pretty and happy in the second pic. shidou you better watch out, i'm in your walls ↳shiidoryu: my walls are nasty, what if my dead hamsters are there ↳yourusername: MY TEIGO. I BOUGHT IT TO YOUR HOUSE AND IT JS DESPAWNED ↳shiidoryu: I'M SORRY

user4: when a zesty ass loving thigh loving (man loving) tomato looking demon who kicks balls around and pick fight w emo boys can pull ↳yourusername: my dms are open for u ↳shiidoryu: no they're not ↳oliver.aiku: how much we betting that he's gonna go make 15 accounts to spam y/n dms ↳isaichii: betting a whole ahh bachira ↳megubachi: WHY ARE U BETTING ME OFF??? ↳chigi.who: betting my other acl ↳kuniisuke: HELP WHAT?? ↳kenyu.yukimiya: betting my already shit vision ↳nagi.seishiro: my gaming console ↳reo.miikage: my entire networth ↳itoshi_sae: my abibas sponsorship ↳user5: ABIBAS 🔥🔥💯💯🔛🔝🗣🗣 ↳rin.itoshi: betting off my brother ↳itoshi_sae: what

welllll that took a lot longer than it should have buttt here you go shidou simps i had fun writing this ig sorta maybe kinda idk

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The Stand-in Stands Up (all puns intended)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 eps - I do enjoy that the other Joe’s past is now coming back to haunt the present. For our Joe, the hits just keep on coming. Meanwhile, I know my heartstrings are being intentionally tugged, but I did feel sorry for Ming in this episode (at the last). And I think Up is doing a great job with this frankly difficult role if he can make me feel anything approaching sympathy for Ming. Ming's breakdown was excellent. Very dramatic.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 6 of 12 - These two are entirely boyfriends who just don’t happen to be dating. It’s Schrödinger’s relationship. It's crazy that these two are already sleeping together and I still can’t wait for them to kiss. Very nicely done. Good tension point. This was a really cute episode but nothing much happened.

In other news, the sound effects REALLY bother me in this show. It might have been in the running as a 10/10, except for those fucking sound effects.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 16 - I like how the majority of this show is just basically struggling with first love. It’s strangely sweet and innocent as a result. Frankly, right now, I need that - it’s comforting. It’s not exciting, but I can’t deny that thi is the highlight of the middle of my week.

Peem to Phum = use your words. Phum = SMOOCH. 

Bet you all heard this one coming: NO SINGING. 

Note: Satang (Toey) is a fantastic actor. I love the way he changes the physicality of his body for his roles. In this part, he’s kind of loose-limbed and floppy. He doesn't look younger but the way he inhabits his body does.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - GeminiForth (AKA G4) are back and glory-be they showed up on YouTube. Still I’m worried it won’t stay there after the Cherry Magic debacle. So I stayed up late that night to gank it. 

Back to the show.

One of the things I’ve always loved about this IP, is how genuine and decent and earnest all of the kids are. They’re all trying so hard not to hurt each other's feelings. It’s all just a terrible case of miscommunication. G4 are perfect casting for these roles. That said, I have the same challenges with this version as I did with the JBL - it’s a bit frenetic and can be clownishly too MUCH for me. 

Meanwhile, the he feeds strays trope has popped up again. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Trash watch here. MAME warning! I found it rather lacklustre and inoffensive but still managed to invent dildo smores.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 12 - Honestly? I’m kind of enjoying watching the friendships develop between the housemates. Of course I know they’re probably gonna all end up sleeping together, but right now the communal easy-going companionship and teasing is the most fun. Other than that, this is an unremarkable Thai BL pulp with better than normal acting and consistency (for a pulp).

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Moo is the clinginess boyfriend in the entire universe. The thing I think I love best about this couple, and the show, is what great communicators they are. That said they are not great actors. I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t expect great acting from my Thai BL, but it’s a little rough going sometimes with this pair.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - It’s taken me a long time, but I finally realized what I dislike about this show. It’s the pacing. Or rather, the lack of it. And I’m not saying that the pacing is necessarily off, in fact this is a typical JBL thing. But for some reason, in this show, I find it particularly annoying.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - Honestly, this was a perfectly fine little friends to lovers BL, with better than average kissing from Korea. But for some reason it never really hit for me. The very end was extremely odd. A bit of a disappointment for a longer piece from Strongberry. I think they tried to be too classically BL and that is just not their strength-berry. Strongberry is better when they explore something a little edgy, or a little outside the box. 7/10

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - also I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

You Made My Day (Thai YT) - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard. Apparently it's cute but basically a 10 min advert.

KWill To Reunite With Seo In Guk, Ahn Jae Hyun in Comeback! For those who don't know the MV for his song Please Don't is a heavy hitting shock tactic BL adjacent piece featuring major Korean actors. (The closest we are likely to ever get.) Look it was a BIG DEAL at the time. Kinda like Kpop's Broke Back Mountain moment. More here:

I don't often report on the Kpop scene but this is very interesting.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - Star Hunter + MosBank on iQIYI for 12 weeks? If nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Flipping stellar side couple Wandee, thank you.

Love the mains too of course.

This is that funny little unnamed (muli-named) BL/GL something from Korea that's happening on YouTube right now. It's cute! I guess it's falling under the moniker Fake Buddies.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[sophrosynesworld]

With all my love, pt. 3

Part 3 is finally here and *gasp* lore?!

Do you know how hard it is to escape your top 5 pro-hero ex-boyfriend? His voice plays on my radio during my commute. His image is plastered across the news in the lobby this morning before lunch—he’s acting irrationally again. He’s always been too much of a hothead.

His recent heroic deeds have garnered both admiration and scrutiny. My departure seems to have affected him, causing some of his harsher traits to resurface. I never anticipated that he would notice, let alone react like this.

"I don't care if he's a jerk. Dynamite is one of the best heroes of this generation," I overhear one of the news anchors saying. The radio in the small restaurant makes it hard to miss.

"Dynamite is one bad decision away from killing someone," the woman says, clearly frustrated with her cohost. "I don't even know if it would be on accident."

"He has saved more people this year than Deku. How is that not a hero?" the cohost argues back.

"He's also cost this city thousands of man-hours repairing the damage his blasts created."

I set my tablet down, trying to push their argument out of my head. The familiar chime of bells rings, drawing my gaze to the doorway.

A redhead stands there, his eyes scanning the restaurant until they find mine. His face softens as he makes his way over, pulling out a chair and sitting across from me.

"You look good today," he says warmly. "Changed your hair?"

"No, but I did change my relationship status." I roll my eyes at his attempt at small talk. I know my ex-boyfriend's best friend didn’t just call me up to chat.

He chuckles, a sound out of place given the tension. “Look, I know things have been rough for you.”

“Rough? That’s putting it mildly.”

He leans forward, elbows on the table. “I want to help. He’s worried about you, you know.”

I sigh, glancing at the drawing in front of me. “He wasn’t worried when I was crying myself to sleep.”

“I get it,” he says softly. “But he’s struggling too. The hero life isn’t as glamorous as it seems. You know that better than anyone.” My heart skips a beat at the reminder of my early retirement. “The constant pressure, the expectations... it’s taking a toll on him.”

I look up, meeting his eyes. They hold sincerity, a genuine concern I hadn’t expected. “What do you want from me?” I whisper.

“Talk to him. Just once. Hear him out. You both deserve that closure.”

I lean back, the weight of his words settling over me.

“Fine,” I say after a long pause. “I’ll talk to him. But this doesn’t mean anything beyond that.”

He nods, a small smile playing on his lips. “That’s all I’m asking. Thank you.”

He settles back into his chair and picks up the menu. "Why don't we order something?"

I nod, grateful for the change in topic. "Sure. I hear their ramen is amazing."

We browse the menu, tension easing as we focus on the food. The waitress comes by, and we place our orders—spicy miso ramen for me, tonkotsu ramen for him.

As we wait, the restaurant buzzes with lunchtime chatter. Clinking utensils, humming conversations, and occasional laughter create a comforting atmosphere. It feels almost normal, a brief break from the chaos.

“So,” he says, breaking the silence, “how’s work? Still drawing those amazing designs?”

I smile, appreciating his interest. “Yeah, hectic, but I’m managing. Deadlines are killer, though.” He laughs as our waitress places two bowls in front of us.

“I can imagine. But your work is worth it. You’ve got talent, always have.”

“Thanks,” I say, feeling more at ease. “How about you? How’s hero life?”

“It’s... a lot,” he admits, mouth full of food. He swallows. “But it’s worth it, knowing we’re making a difference." I hum in agreement, tasting my food. The flavorful broth dances across my tongue, making me do an unconscious happy dance.

"We really do miss you though," Kiri says, his voice trailing off as he scratches his neck. I feel a pang of remembrance. I've never stopped missing being a hero. I hate not being able to work with my best friends.

"I don't get a retirement package as a hero," I reply, forcing a smile to mask my heartache. But it's clear my facade fails as regret fills Kiri's eyes. Apologies spill from his lips, but I don't listen. Instead, I reach out and gently place my hand on his for a brief moment.

"Eijiro, I promise you I've moved on. I don't blame anyone for what happened," I assure him, pushing another smile onto my face. "I got over that a long time ago."

I withdraw my hand and continue to eat, the conversation flowing more easily after a few moments. We reminisce about our days at UA, share laughs about our coworkers, and for a while, it feels like old times.

By the time we finish, I feel lighter, the past weeks’ weight lifting slightly. It’s not a solution, but it’s a start.

“Thanks for meeting me,” he says as we stand to leave. “and for agreeing to talk to him.”

I nod, a sense of anticipation blooming. “We’ll see how it goes.”

As we step out into the city’s noise, I unblock his number from my phone and watch in horror as hundreds of missed messages flood my phone screen.

[daenysx]

hi hello gorgeous <3

Can i request a James x fem reader who calls him shortly after she leaves for work because she fell hard on a pavement and scratched her knee and elbow and hurt her wrist and he comes to get her and finds her crying on the pavement and poor thing is so worried for her and takes care of her?

(This exact thing happened to me today but only i was going to a final and i sat and cried but only difference is THAT I DO NOT HAVE JAMES POTTER Im sobbing)

hi baby, i hope you're okay!! thank you for requesting, here's our perfect fictional boyfriend for you, i hope you enjoy <333

james potter x fem!reader ♡

"jamie?"

james drops the plate he has in his hand on the counter. are you crying? you sound like you're crying and that's literally his worst nightmare.

"baby?" he says quickly. "what happened? are you okay?"

your voice sounds muffled through the phone. james hears you take a deep breath before speaking. "i fell."

"where are you?" he asks, panicking. "are you okay?"

you try to walk out of people's way as you speak to james. your unoccupied wrist hurts very much and you feel something warm in your sweater.

"i couldn't get to work." you say to him. "i'm in front of the flower shop next to the park now."

"i'm coming." he says, grabbing the car keys. "10 minutes, okay? can you wait for me?"

"yes." you say. "don't rush, i'm fine."

you don't sound fine but james is sane enough to drive carefully. he prays to traffic fairies for empty roads, he can see the florist' shop in almost 9 minutes. he sees you next thing, you're sitting on the edge of a pavement with a small tear on your jeans.

he parks the car with half a mind, rushes to your side. your eyes look puffy, cheeks blushed with adrenaline and possibly pain. you hold your wrist in your other palm, james can see a tiny bit of blood dripping from your knee.

"angel." he says, cupping your cheeks. "are you okay? does it hurt too badly?"

you don't answer, instead you put your head on james's chest and cry slowly against him. you called your boss while waiting for james and thank god she's nice enough to tell you to take the day off. james holds you, the street is not too crowded and people prefer using the other side of the pavement. you cry your embarrasment and hurting on your boyfriend as he gently tries to calm you down.

"we need to see a doctor." james says before kissing your forehead. "your knee looks bad."

"it's not actually that bad." you say, sniffing. "it's just a scratch. my wrist hurts a bit."

"angel." he says, he uses his trying-to-be-convincing voice. "please don't be stubborn. they can at least make sure nothing's wrong."

"i'm fine, jamie." you say, using your better hand to dry your tears. "i'm mostly crying because of embarrassment. can we please go home?"

you're looking at him with widened eyes and james has nothing else to say. "but if you still feel pain we will go to a hospital, okay?"

you nod obediently. james helps you stand up, he takes your bag on his shoulder. you hold his hand as he leads you to car. he makes sure you're okay before sitting on the driver' seat.

he holds your hand the entire way. your tears are almost gone, you're not hurting anywhere badly but your body feels sore. you dream of your warm bed and a cup of hot tea. james's thumb rubs the back of your hand. you look at his face, his side profile is something out of heaven. you squeeze his fingers, he gives you a perfect smile. "i'm gonna take care of you so well, you'll feel better than ever." he promises you sweetly.

"i know, jamie." you say. "thank you for picking me up."

"please, angel." he scoffs. "in what world i'm leaving my girl alone in the street when she falls?"

you bring his hand to your lips to give him a little kiss. his heartbeat fastens. he's gonna give you the nicest doctor treatment when you get home. he'll probably be stuck to your side until you get sick of him.

the smell of home has never felt better. you go to the bathroom first thing, james comes after you. "let's get you out of these clothes."

"been waiting for that, haven't you?" you tease. james deserves a few jokes, he's been worried too much.

"since the minute you left for work." he says. he helps you until you are left in your panties and your little tank top.

"baby." he whispers when he sees your knee clearly. he makes a pitiful sound. your knee is scratched and it looks a bit bloody. your wrist feels better but it's definitely gonna need ice. you show james your elbow, it has a tinier scratch too. james starts cleaning up your knee first with you sitting on the closed lid of the toilet.

"tell me if it hurts." he says. he has big hands but he knows how to use them gently. you don't make a sound when he cleans up your knee. "do you think we can use the cream we got for my hand on your scratches?" he asks. james once hit his hand on the sharp side of his locker in gym and he had to use a cream for his scar. you think it might be work for you. you nod.

he cleans up your elbow too, you're thankful none of your little scars need wrapping. james brings the cream and he applies it on your skin. you both wash your hands when james finishes up. he takes your dirty clothes from the bathroom floor before leaving.

"i think i need ice for my wrist." you say. "can you get me an ice pack, handsome?"

"of course." he says. "go to bed, sweetheart, i'll be right back."

your entire body relaxes when it hits the bed, you are careful when you settle down but still it feels so nice to be home. falling down in the street is something so suddenly happened, you think it's funny how you can remember the exact moment and the embarrassment you felt on the pavement. it's okay, though. it's normal.

your hero comes back with an ice pack. he sits on your side of bed, takes your wrist to his free hand softly. he presses the ice pack on the slight swollen skin. you let out a shaky breath.

"does it hurt?" he asks, his brows raised.

"no, just cold." you answer. you're gonna be okay.

james kisses your forehead. his hand still holds the ice pack. "are you hungry?" he asks. "can i get you anything?"

you shake your head. "i just wanna sleep, jamie. get under the blanket?" you ask with a hopeful look and a gentle voice. two things james can never resist.

he joins you under the blanket. he has to be the big spoon to hold the ice pack still on your wrist. he kisses your head affectionally. "do you feel better?" he asks. it doesn't hurt to be sure.

you nod. "i'm fine, promise."

sleep comes easily, especially when james draws shapes on your arm with his free hand. you love the occasional kisses he brushes on your head. he holds the ice on your skin until it starts melting, no matter how freezing it is against his hand. it's nothing more painful than seeing his girl cry.

[anonymous-yandere-writer]

Requested by: @elysiumrealms

Sure! I did think some fleshing out on how the rest of the family acts around them would be cool to write. Sorry this took so long btw, my inbox gets stuffed pretty quickly and it was finals week. Anyway thanks for the ask!

-

Anon-Yan 💌‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Platonic Yandere Malleus

Pt.3

For you, the time before your punishment was nothing but a blurry mess.

Genuinely you don't remember all your horrible habits and manipulative tactics, you just remember acting on your insticts and not really thinking before you acted.

The few things you do remember is the interactions you had with your other family members.

The most memorable were the ones with Grandpa Lilia, when you were younger he loved cuddling you upside-down. Even if his grip was iron-strong it still felt so warm that you didn't want to leave.

When you got older he would allow you to play with some of his video games, he was always so sweet and helpful. Making sure you never got too frustrated at one certain part before taking the controller from you and completing whatever challenge had you stumped.

Lilia just loves babying you in a way he never got to with either of his original children.

He never failed to make you feel like the spoiled little brat you were.

"Ooh! Don't cry Darling, there's no need for that. Here, do you need Grandpa to help you? Okay sweet-pea. Don't worry, grandpa's here for you"

Then there's uncle Silver, who whose probably the most boring person to hang out with out of everyone in the family.

Don't get me wrong, you enjoyed his company but nothing even vaguely interesting happened whenever you hung around him.

He always really apologetic about it though, even going as far to bring you a little toy everytime he was allowed alone time with you. Typically is just a teddy bear, so that at night when you fell asleep you would think of your uncle Silver.

"Sorry we weren't able to play today. Here, have this. It's so when you fall asleep at night, you'll always remember your uncle Silver."

Your uncle sebek on other hand, he was hard to forget.

He was always loud, his voice commanded battalions after all. So a voice like his would definitely need for job like that.

You and him never played together, in his own words "WAKA-SAMA'S CHILD DESERVES A MUCH BETTER PLAYMATE THAN A LOWRANKING OFFICER SUCH AS MYSELF!"

Or whatever that was supposed to mean. You never really understood his way of thinking. While he was screaming his head off about not being good enough for you, you had sit and listen to him whilst daydreaming of all the video games Grandpa Lilia would play with you later.

It was boring, and eventually as you grew older you learned to tune him out.

Though I guess that wasn't the greatest idea, because within a week of learning how tune out his voice he came to you sobbing on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness.

"PLEASE FORGIVE ME WAKA-SAMA'S CHILD! WHATEVER SLIGHT HAVE DONE TO YOU, I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS AND MERCY! JUST PLEASE STOP IGNORING ME MY LEIGE!"

But I guess that all leads you to where you are now. Stuck in a boring old rickety tower. Stuck studying and doing chores all day. At least Father allowed for your family to visit from time to time.

Their faces and voices make the endless cycle you've been going through day-to-day slightly more bareable. But to be perfectly honest, with every passing moment that you're stuck here; in this damned tower made to be your prison, you lose a small peice of your sanity.

A peice of your mind that can never be returned to it's owner.

Trully a cruel thing to do, especially to your own child. Isolating them from everyone and everything they've ever known to prove a point, when it wasn't even truly their own faults that caused such a mess? Foolish, and downright cruel if anyone asked you.

Ah, but what can you do?

You did do this to yourself after all, might as well own up to your mistakes and pay the price.

[trainfanz]

Further ramblings on London 2024 as I've now had a chance to listen to it! Below the cut! (I can't send out the audio, sorry.) SPOILERS ABOUND!

ACT ONE

"Stop that boring music!" IS GONE!

There really isn't a lot to separate the additional trains. Their introductions and little pre-race mantras are all "They're fast!"

Al Knott sounds great.

I appreciate they rewrote Crazy to actually make it more of an intro song for Rusty instead of just sticking it there.

Arguing before 'I Am Me' is hard to follow with no visuals!

"Friends!" "Friends!" "More than friends?!" "-just friends." HAHA

"Trucks will identify themselves! Fuel Trucks!" Honey, they're all fuel trucks.

Freight really doesn't get to finish and I don't think I really like that.

Stopping here to say that Hydra is the standout of this new incarnation. Going into his little mantra at every applicable moment and annoying everyone else is hilarious.

AC/DC is... fine. Still prefer the older sound.

New take on Pumping Iron however is pretty good!

I want to see Control offering Pearl a spot to sit so bad.

"Please welcome to the other side of the tracks: Momma McCoy." "HOW WE DOIN?!" That's great.

Shoutout to them for using my preferred little outro ditty for the blues. Hard to explain what I mean.

I get that the 4th qualifying engine isn't integral to the downhill final but to only have 1 winner in Race 2 feels weird.

Surprise El DeBarge Lyrics???

ACT TWO

The Rap is pulling a lot from the first two incarnations - "Race Time" shows up in the megamix but not in the actual song.

Dinah UGLY crying hhhh

Slick gets her own take on Wide Smile. Not sure if I like it but it's definitely unique.

Still think what immediately follows Race 3 ends up being 2 versions of the same scene stuck together, but that's not this production's problem.

It stings that Right Place, Right Time is gone. I get that it doesn't really work with the fuel trucks as apposed to the Rockies but I miss it!

No awkward key change in Starlight Sequence!! (If you've heard the current German version, you know.)

For how integral to the plot he is I expected Hydra to get a little more of his own number, but the "It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when" is the most song he gets and the rest is just talking.

Aaand here's Lord Andy's big twist, Rusty explicitly converts himself to run on hydrogen. More on this in a few lines!

They REALLY get their mileage out of what they got Lord Andy to write for this production.

Ok, I see what people mean by them altering Prusty in 2017 to fit 'I Do' better instead of changing the song again. I get it now. I think.

Even as a sapphic, Greaseball still can't spell.

New lyrics in Light At The End of The Tunnel is WEIRD.

I don't hate that they try to work in a message about clean fuels but at the same time I don't think its necessary? Was the original Starlight really meant to convince the audience that coal is the future in real life? Not really. Especially at the end things feel a bit heavy handed but again, I don't HATE it.

Still amazed I am open to/liking this new take on Starlight as much as I am.

[blushsani]

solicitude | c.s

⋆ choi san x gn reader ⋆ wc : 3k ⋆ genre : angst . fluff . ⋆ warnings : mention of injuries . mentions of financial issues . ⋆ details : happy ending . hurt & comfort . boxing au . making up (?) . ⋆ synopsis : in which san needs & learns to put himself first more. ⋆ notes : second post we cheer!! hi guys!! i rlly hope u enjoy this <3 / i do just want to quickly mention that i often feel like i word things strangely when i’m writing sometimes so i’m hoping no one can pick up on that through this 😭 if u can, i do apologise! bare with me guys just bare with me

the type of anger that leaves your heart somehow simultaneously light and heavy because of the rage is a type of anger you have never been good at handling.

the type of anger that leaves waves of shakes throughout your body from head to toe is a type of anger you have never been good at handling.

and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot force yourself to stop thinking about how san should know better. san does know better. to say san should’ve brought all this to an end by now is an understatement.

yet here he is, battered and bruised once again. you can’t help but wonder how much longer this is going to go on for. how much further san will let this go.

this is the type of anger you hate feeling and-

“y/n…y/n, hey…”

san’s lowly spoken voice catches your attention immediately, snatching you from your thoughts. and you pay him none of your attention. you don’t even spare him a single glance. the first time you had looked him straight in the eyes was exactly when you first stepped into his personal room backstage, and since then, you haven’t given him the satisfaction of even one look.

“baby pl—”

“don’t call me that.”

“no please don’t pu-”

“san stop. stop talking.” the sound of your words is like an icy blade, swiftly cutting through the air, and it’s more so the tone of your voice that makes san’s heart drop than it is your words. 

san doesn’t think this would be much of a relationship if he  hadn’t seen you on an unfortunate day when you’re packed full of irritation and pissed off, but between your almost two year relationship, he’s never been the target or cause of any anger this intense.

it goes without needing to be said that arguments and getting on each other’s nerves as a couple is warranted and happens but the anger san can feel from you is suffocating and the knowledge that you’re upset to this degree because of him is a strenuous weight he’s struggling to carry because he adores you and he can’t handle hurting you, let alone the thought of it.

there’s a delay in san noticing you grabbing your things and preparing to leave, too caught up with his thoughts and the nagging ache surrounding his jaw and the sharp pain in his ribcage that’s the current cause of his laboured breathing. 

and when it finally does click to him that you’re clearly planning to leave, he internally begins to panic. that panic rises from zero to hundred within a matter of seconds, growing increasingly external as he notes that there’s no longer any belongings left of yours for you to grab. no more denying the inevitable.

“i’ll make sure wooyoung calls me if anything…if anything happens. please just. rest.” you find yourself putting a weak yet clear emphasis on the word “rest”.

if there’s one thing san doesn’t do often enough, it’s resting. 

he eventually listens to his body and the signals it gives him, but not without a fight. not without overstepping that line just once.

and it pisses you off.

however, you have a good sense that san is too aware of the damage he’s caused tonight to dare cross that line again, and you can’t help but think to yourself that it’s about time.

as you turn to leave, ready to make a beeline for the door before that voice in the back of your head tells you to stay, san already proves himself faster.

“please stay. please. i want you here.”

it’s like you felt a punch to the gut as soon as the words left his mouth.

the tone of his voice leaves your knees ready to buckle, simultaneously leaving you fighting the feeling.

you put your weight mostly on your left leg as you turn around, looking at him with the right side of your body still facing the door.

your stance was throwing him a message of expectancy. if he truly wanted you to stay, now was his chance to make you want to stay too and his understanding of that was immediate.

so he carefully knocks his head in the direction of the empty space beside him, gesturing for you to sit, and you are almost fully convinced that you’d hear his heart shatter into thousands of pieces if you denied him right now.

you decide to accept him and take up that empty space instead with a deep breath.

as you take a seat on the black, somewhat stiff yet relatively comfortable couch, shifting to your comfortability, you remember how much you were reminded of a doctor’s office when you were first brought into san’s backstage room. 

but the room is sadly much more familiar to you now, way more than an office belonging to a doctor. and that truly gets under your skin because you–you and san were never supposed to get used to this room or this routine.

this routine where san gets in that ring weekly with the promise of much needed cash if he wins the match.

san feels your clothed shoulder brush against his bare one and immediately seeks your hand, gingerly grabbing it. truthfully, you don’t think there’s a life out there of you and san where you wouldn’t accept his piece of affection and place a hand of your own over his.

there’s a moment of silence that you know will soon be filled with san’s voice, so you patiently wait for him. you suppose he needs a moment to gather his thoughts, and you understand that.

“i don’t want to keep putting you through this y/n.” san starts off.

“so stop.”

“baby, we both know it’s not that easy.”

“stop for the both of us.”

“y/n–”

“let’s stop talking about me for a moment. let’s actually talk about you.” your tone is firm.

you turn your body around so that your front is facing him entirely, leg propped up.

“these past few moments, i’ve only–i only see you bruised and weak. there’s not a single inch of your body i haven’t seen bruised. i only see you hurt. how much of this are you physically able to take before you–what if your body just fails on you one day san?” 

“i can’t keep watching you like this. i can’t keep watching you hurting like this. and you don’t have to san, you don’t have to keep doing this, there’s other ways. it’s not like we’re out on the streets.”

the soft skin of your palm lightly touches against san’s cheek. you’re lifting his face up with a finger momentarily hooked under his chin so that he can look you in the eyes. 

the second his eyes connect with yours, turning his body so that he can face you the same way you’re facing him, you can tell so many emotions and thoughts are going around in that pretty little heart and head of his.

he grabs your wrist ever so gently, holding onto you as he digs his cheek further into your palm, all while his gaze never faltering.

for the umpteenth time, you feel your belly swirl and flutter.

you stroke his cheek before continuing, “you know i wouldn’t be able to handle it if something happened to you. and that’s why you need to decide what you’re gonna do.”

you pull away from him. his gaze is dead set on you, eyes widened slightly. it’s the mix of your words and the abrupt lack of contact that he really…really doesn’t like.

he really doesn’t like where this seems to be going.

“if you can’t put yourself first right now, then we need to start thinking about what this means for us.”

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

san’s mind drifts back to how the past week has been.

it’s consisted of so many thoughts, questions, fears and a considerable amount of time to let the deep ache rooted in his muscles ease.

and it’s all brought him to your front door on a sunday afternoon, a sense of uncertainty surrounding him that he can’t seem to ignore. 

it was a late afternoon when he received your awaited phone call yesterday. he was too close to missing it, busy washing dishes in his kitchen and having to swiftly dry his hands and then run to his living room where he had left his phone.

he was the quickest you’ve ever seen him to spew apologies to you, and quite frankly, you were just as quick to reassure him through an auditory smile.

but as he stands, waiting for you to open the door, he returns to the feeling of doubt swirling around in his mind. 

he’s afraid. he’s afraid because he knows that he will always want you, but he isn’t entirely sure that you still want him. he isn’t entirely certain he’d choose himself either if he were you.

he’s been so stupid.

he finds it so stupid that he’s even in this situation, getting so wrapped into his own head. he finds it so stupid because he’s aware of how avoidable this was.

he loves you and the answer will always be you.

his answer will always be you.

so the next thing he knows, your apartment door is opening, presenting you. san sucks in a deep breath as he finds himself instantly locking eyes with you.

you’re pretty. 

he mentally notes how pretty you look. glowing, almost.

“hi.” you’re the first to speak, quick to take notice of how nervous san looks.

a very brief second goes by before he replies, “hi. hi–how have you been?”

“i’ve been okay,” you nod to yourself before continuing, “but how have you been? how do you feel? you been resting up okay?”

san’s heart slightly tugs at the genuine care you show him unconditionally.

“yeah–yeah, i’m okay. i’m, uh, i’m glad you’ve been okay too y/n.”

you give san a small smile. it’s knowing, and so is the smile he gives you in return.

one of the first things you came to love about san is how much his eyes can speak for him, and that’s why you can’t ignore how much he’s expressing to you just by looking into his eyes.

silence thickens over the pair of you. it’s somehow a synchronic mix of awkward and comfortable. unfamiliar but familiar.

it’s one of those moments where words don’t have to be exchanged for two people to know what the other is thinking. it’s such a knowing moment; he sees that just as much as you do.

“i remembered to–uh…grab some coffee on friday. it’s that brand you like. come in, i’ll make us some.”

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you place san’s mug down on the coffee table first, followed up by your own white mug.

it’s just as you’re about to take a seat on the opposite armchair that you suddenly feel the familiarity of san grabbing your hand. your train of thought stops, and you raise your head to look at him, surprised at the sudden contact but most definitely accepting of it.

san pats the empty seat next to him on the loveseat, and maybe it’s silly how quick you were to comply. you can’t say you care very much though.

as you both adjust to face each other on the sofa, you slowly take more and more notice of how you and san haven’t stopped firmly holding hands. 

it makes you smile.

it makes a tiny but affirmative feeling of hope twitch through you.

you hear san take a deep breath and return your gaze back to him, ready to have this conversation.

things needs to be talked through and san’s just as aware as you of that.

you take notice of the way his gaze is somewhere distant behind you and rub his hand with your thumb. it seems to bring him back to you. his gaze hooks back onto you, giving you a slight sad smile before looking down and looking back up within a matter of a few seconds.

he seems like he doesn’t quite know where to start, but he does seem to eventually find his way.

“you’ve been more than patient with me. and i…i truly owe you an apology for being so patient to begin with.” you cock your head to the side ever so slightly, intently listening.

“i’ve probably thought more than i have throughout my whole life this week,” he laughs for a moment and there’s a small chuckle of your own, “and i kept thinking about how i’d feel if the roles were reversed. if it was you in those rings instead of me. if i had to watch  you keep getting hurt. how i’d feel if i came backstage with you and saw you covered with bruises. hurt. and…i know i wouldn’t be able to handle it y/n.”

your lips drew a thin line as you nodded. so much was going through your mind and you wanted to take deep care in putting all the scrambled pieces together. but for now, you’re just focusing on the man before you.

“i took time to think about me too. just…me. not only my well-being physically, but my well-being mentally as well. i took time to actually care for me. properly.”

it’s like you feel a spark of light shoot through you at his words. 

you’ve said it once and you’ll say it again, san truly just thinking about himself for once is something you don’t see enough of, and you’ve expressed to him before how important it is that he takes the time to do that. 

you remember his exact words when you had a conversation with him about it.

“i’m not used to it. i’m just…not. it doesn’t come easy to me.”

and you remember your exact words in response too.

“well i love you. and if you’ll let me, then i wanna help you get used to it.”

so hearing him say that’s something he finally put some attention on and tended to…

god it makes you happy. relief goes through you from head to toe and you exhale with a fond smile, needing somewhere to let the feeling out before it just explodes within you.

“oh san.” you find yourself deciding words wouldn’t feel like enough and swiftly lean forwards instead, capturing him in a tight hug.

 

it melts your heart how quick san is to return the hug just as tightly, finding his own little space in your neck.

you rub san’s nape, murmuring a loving “i’m proud of you san” and receiving a gentle squeeze in response.

he kisses your neck before pulling away.

“i’m choosing you. it will never ever be worth putting us both through this anymore. i’m so sorry it took this long. i’m so so so sorry. i will always be sorry for not showing you sooner than i choose and always will choose you.”

there’s so much sincerity dripping from his voice. it leaves your heart throbbing, partly with love and partly with ache. you don’t want this to be something san keeps beating himself up over. 

san is a man who never says anything he doesn’t truly mean, so you know this will be a moment he’ll think about even when the grey hairs start making an appearance (and hopefully you’ll still be there to remind him he was always forgiven).

you quickly find yourself overwhelmed by all your thoughts and feelings and before you can even think properly, you’re once again smothering yourself in san’s hold. 

your chin digs into san’s shoulder as you speak, “i forgive you san. thank you for being open with me.”

you continue as you pull away, hands gently gripped on san’s shoulders, “and thank you for putting yourself first. i’m proud of you. i know money is an issue right now. i’m here with you. we’re gonna get through it, yeah? that just isn’t the way we’re gonna do it. you were just–in pain all the time. ‘s not fair. you can’t keep putting yourself through that and i told you last week that i can’t keep watching you put yourself through that. i won’t.”

“i know, i know. i’m hearing you.” san gently nods, sincerity swimming in his eyes and full to the brim in his voice. he removes your hands from his shoulders, taking them into his own instead and pressing a wet kiss onto your knuckle.

“and,” you lightly cough, “...i’m sorry for how harsh i was last week. i was just–i was feeling a lot and i was scared and i felt so angry and…i am really sorry san.” your tone is just as regretful as you feel. although you know you were and are justified in your feelings, you don’t agree with how you spoke to san. that’s not a way you’ve ever spoken to him before and you don’t plan to ever make a habit of it.

“thank you. to be truthful with you love, if the roles were reversed, i would’ve been the exact same way you were. you had every right to feel what you were feeling.”

you warmly smile at the response, once again sinking into the realisation of how big the love you feel for him is. 

within seconds, you find yourself simultaneously sinking into his arms. and for the umpteenth time, he accepts you. he welcomes you in with arms wide open like he always does.

you don’t think you’ve ever felt so comfortable with someone.

but it’s later on when you’re laid beside him, tracing your fingertips along the bruises that required a little more time to fade than the others, the pair of you warming one another up with the soft holds you’ve had on each other the entire rest of the day that you realise just how comfortable you feel with him.

it’s almost laughable to you how just the previous week, you no longer knew what you and san would look like. and now, he’s in your arms, scattering kisses all over your face, erupting never ending giggles from you.

it’s the first night you’ve been able to drift to sleep with a content chest and mind.

knowing you get to wake up to his presence. knowing there will be a you and san tomorrow.

- yours sincerely, qei ౨ৎ

[eueuphoriaz]

Levi's heart (Part 1)

I have been hesitating on this analysis because there are so many layers to Levi's character, and so many people have analysed Levi down to his molecular cells. It has taken me weeks to organise the information and trying to make sense of them and I think I am now much clearer about the doubts that I have.

So, I have read many Levihan analysis about how the word "heart" lies above Hange in Chapt 139, which is parallel to the chapter title "Hearts", which is the first time Levi and Hange were introduced to each other.

Now, my cynical and critical mind started to question, what is the link there? Could it be just the placement and coincidence? This thought led me to think very deeply about Levi's heart. And this is going to be at least a 3 part post because Levi is such a layered and deep and mysterious character that I have gotten lost in trying to understand him based on the manga and anime.

I intend to organise this into 3 separate posts:

1) No regrets OVA

2) The transition between post-Erwin and monologue when he is looking for Zeke at the final battle

3) Last speech to the vets in Chapt 139.

Of course, I wear heavy Levihan goggles because the "hearts" parallel is what got me curious to do some investigation into this area. I may have missed out other important analysis or snippets of information, so if I do, please kindly point out to me. Once again, these are all my own points of view and let's agree to disagree, if that ever happen.

Along the way, I may digress because there are some other Levihan crumbs that I picked up, but I will mention them in other posts.

Let's start

-----------------------------------

So, I started to look back at the very first time when Levi is introduced to the idea of "hearts". It was in the No Regrets OVA and it should be noted that Levi, when he was first recruited into the Survey Corps, he had not intention of enlisting at all.

Now, there are a lot of influences that he received. Most of the scenes have been cut out from the anime but if you look at the manga, there are a lot of his inner thoughts which gives an insight about the changes in his thought process.

-----------------------------

Erwin and Levi's interaction on his first titan kill

So first up, the very first mention of "Dedicating hearts" to Levi was from Erwin, and it happened when Levi is watching guard while Furlan and Isabel went to search for the document.

We see Erwin complimenting Levi's skills.

"....you are a natural.... others feel safer...."

Levi then looked shocked and downplay his skills, mentioning that his success was built upon another soldier's death.

Then Erwin took this chance to talk about the bigger picture of sacrifice and "dedicating heart"

This interaction ended with Isabel coming along and taking Levi away. But the seed of the "hearts" have been planted.

-------------------------

Hange appears

Now, this is the part I tried to link "hearts" and what it means to Levi. Of course Levihan alert!

So, we know that after the interaction with Erwin, Levi, Furlan and Isabel were discussing about their plans when Hange intrudes.

I wont mention more about her excitement and kindness when she approached him. So, while Levi was still digesting what Erwin told him about "hearts" and "sacrifices", Hange came over and complimented on his strength.

Now, Erwin also complimented Levi's success. Erwin then planted the seed of "dedication" and "sacrifices" in Levi. Hange, on the other hand, wanted to know Levi's strength so that the soldiers can fight better. I find Levi's responses to both Erwin and Hange here very interesting.

- When Erwin mentioned that Levi is a natural, Levi attributed it to him learning from how other people fight.

- When Hange told Levi that he had given other hope that they can fight better, Levi basically accepted her compliment and did not know how to engage further.

Now, going back to this panel when they first saw a titan, Levi also had thought that the soldiers are using lousy skills to engage the titan. So I am guessing that there already is a connection when Hange mention the soldiers could learn to fight better from him. However, the Ackerman strength is instinctual so I am thinking that while Levi recognised a certain connection/ agreement with Hange, he really cannot explain how he had done it.

This is where I think thats why he said he didnt want to be responsible for anyone else's lives. After digesting what Erwin said, that the Survey Corps is built upon selfless sacrifices, and that no one will regret dedicating their hearts, he encountered Hange, who wanted to know how to fight better from him (and likely increasing her chances to dedicate her heart). I am guessing that he is putting 2 and 2 together and did not want to be the reason for more sacrifices because he knows that Hange, and probably the other soldiers, are ready to die, based on what Erwin said about "dedicating hearts".

Now, probably at this point in time, Levi did not understand the why. But I am guessing that he felt something strong enough to want to avoid it. And I am guessing it could be some form of emotional attachment. At this point in time, the 3 of them are still thinking about getting the document and completing their job, so my guess here is that Hange opened out something within him, after Erwin told him about the Survey Corps and their grand view of the world.

I mean, he could have told Furlan that he is indeed tired, or that he had feigned tiredness to chase Hange away but Levi had to mention about being responsible to other lives to Furlan after Hange left. 🤔

---------------------------

Isabel's heart

So, the next chapter, we see a snippet of Isabel doing the salute and hinting her dedication to the cause of the Survey Corps. Now look at her reactions and Levi's and Furlan's expressions. I am guessing all 3 of then are shocked at the possibility that they could be emotionally attached to the Survey Corps.

Furlan's analysis

Furlan is such a clever and perspective character. I swear all the blonds must have gotten some good IQ genes from Isayama.

Anyway, the scene then cuts to Levi doing some internal thinking while the 3 of them rested. In his internal reflection, he reviewed his and Furlan's and Isabel's experiences with the Survey Corps. It is interesting to note that he recalled Erwin's words at the Underground when he was captured, instead of the compliment Erwin gave him. He, however, remembered what Hange said to him.

I am guessing that to Levi, Erwin is still the mission he has to fulfil. Hange has that personal connection with him. See how Hange is grouped together with Furlan/ Isabel (his connection to his past in the Underground), Flagon and his man (his negative experiences and adjustment to the surface) and Hange (his positive experience and connection to the surface).

I am guessing that emotionally, he is still trying to decide on what he wanted. He is still thinking about the bigger purpose in life: What does it mean to stay on the surface, outside the Walls? Why? What is the purpose of fighting and lending his strength?

To sidetrack a little: I am thinking that Levi is trying to read into Erwin's motives. Because Levi knows that Erwin knows he wants to kill him. To continue this fascade of "lending his strength to the Survey Corps" would mean that they have a chance to stay aboveground. I think Levi struggles here because that would mean that he will be "responsible" for the "hearts" which he will built on upon moving forward because of his strength. Now, I think this is also why Levi recognise Erwin as his liege because he cannot see further than what Erwin had allowed him to. He choose to follow Erwin and trust his decisions because that is the only way for him to commit his strength to the sacrifices of Furlan and Isabel (to be free of the Underground and the Walls)

Back to Furlan.

So while Levi is thinking about all these, Furlan and Isabel talked about whether or not to continue their mission.

Now, take a look at what Furlan said about someone noticing if the 3 of them get close to Erwin.

Who could that someone be? We know that Hange already noticed Levi and Furlan had to emphasized one someone noticing them.

Of course it could just be Furlan being cautious and careful. Now, the next scene where Isabel started to express her attachment to the Survey Corps, he directly referenced to the candy which Hange gifted.

And lastly, even though Levi did not share anything about his own internal thoughts, Furlan successfully guessed that Levi is also having some emotional attachment to the Survey Corp with the "dedication of hearts" thing.

Now, Furlan would not have known what Erwin had told Levi, because he was not present. He was, however, present when he saw Levi reaction to Hange, when Levi said he did not want to be responsible for others (and these are, presumably, based in Levi's introspection of what Erwin told him). Furlan was also there when Hange gave Isabel the candy. Also to sidetrack to Levi's reflection above, Furlan had also looked to Levi's strength to "raise hell" while Isabel talked about "causes worth dying". So while Levi is trying to put all these together and see a purpose in life (what is worth to stay above ground and out of the Walls?), Furlan had already saw that going on with Levi.

The only reason why Furlan was able to see that is because Levi wavered in his interactions with Hange- he did not want her to dedicate her heart but he knows that all the Survey Corps members have dedicated their hearts. And as I mentioned earlier, Levi had struggled because to maintain above ground, he had to lend his strength to the Survey Corps, which means he have to see all the hearts being dedicated, even if he didnt want to.

--------------------------

Yes, I know it is everywhere, but this "hearts" thing with Levi, and especially his "dedicate your heart" to Hange in 132 has too many unknowns. I will try to clean up if I can, but it really shows me how deep deep Levi is.

I am planning Part 2 on post Erwin and his monologue when he is trying to find Zeke in final battle. I am also very intrigued by that monologue because that is the second time, or rather first in the main manga, that Levi talked about "hearts" (excluding the heartbreaking farewell in 132). 💔

[medusapelagia]

Seeds of Dreams, Seeds of Truth 4\11

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson Tags: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Magic, Regent Prince/King Steve Harrington, Knight Eddie Munson, Prison, Sick Steve Harrington, Vomiting, Attempted Murder, Poisoning, Double povs, Panic Attacks, Magic,

Read it here or on AO3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, l Part 5, (soon Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11)

WC: 2023

When Steve comes back to his senses the first thing he notices is the smell, the familiar mix of sweat and metal that always follows Eddie around.

“Ed?” he calls, confused and not daring to open his eyes after all those awful dreams that he had, but a warm hand closes around his hand.

“Hi, Stevie.” The familiar voice replies and finally Steve finds the courage to open his eyes and meet the big dark pools he loves so much.

The Regent Prince lifts an arm, caressing Eddie’s face, doubtful. “Is this… is this real?” he whispers, not daring to hope that he is finally free: there are no prison bars, no little sky square to look at, no moldy blankets or cold floor. He is lying in a bed, maybe not as comfortable as his royal one but still way better than the cold stones he slept on in the last few nights.

“This is real. I’m real, Steve.” The knight replies with a sad smile, kissing his knuckles, and Steve feels a pain in his soul seeing how sad his lover is. He tries to lift himself, failing miserably, and needs Eddie’s help to sit up in the bed.

“Are you ok? What happened after the coronation? Are you hurt? And the others? Where are they? Gareth? Have you seen Gareth? And those in the castle? Are they safe? I saw Joyce once and she told me that people were disappearing!” Steve shoots one question after another without even taking a breath. His heart beats so fast with worry that it feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest. Eddie puts a hand on his shoulder, with a little pressure to ground him while he keeps talking to him in a soothing voice, trying to calm him down.

“I’m fine. Gar is fine. We are ok. Just try to take a deep breath. For me. Come on… Just one… Close your eyes and follow my voice.” Eddie insists, and Steve closes his eyes, letting the voice of his lover guide him. “Deep breath in… and out. Again. In… and out.”

Slowly, one breath at a time, Steve regains his composure. “I’m sorry…” he whispers, lowering his eyes, but Eddie lifts his chin.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. You are worried for your people, and that’s exactly what great kings do. I'm so proud of you, Steve. You handled a horrible situation so well. Thanks to you no one was injured during the coronation, I promise. We stayed back, as you ordered, even if it broke my heart let them take you away from me.” Eddie confesses, brushing away some hair from Steve’s face. “I would like to ask you to promise me you’ll never give me an order like that again in your life, but I know it’s not something I can ask from you.” He says, but when Steve lowers his eyes Eddie pinches his chin and makes him stare into his eyes. “You are a great king and you care about your people and I respect you for that.”

Steve tries to turn away from Eddie but his tight grip doesn’t let him go, and when their eyes meet again he finally confesses, “I’m sorry that I ordered you to stay back, but I don’t want to imagine what would have happened if I wouldn’t have given you that order…”

Eddie nods in silence; if Steve hadn’t ordered his guard to stay back, the Sacred House’s floor would have been tainted with blood and it would have been the beginning of a civil war. Neither of them would want that for their people.

Steve coughs and Eddie is quick to offer him some water. When he regains his breath the prince turns toward his personal guard. “How did you make me escape?” 

Eddie smirks. “You know me, Stevie, I have my ways. It wasn’t hard to blend in with the other guards and let myself in, I know the castle better than anyone. We have spent years playing hide and seek, finding secret passages, and running from one side of the castle to the other unnoticed. It was good training.” Eddie replies with a wink, helping Steve to lie back. “Joyce helped us. She put some sleeping drug in the guards’ rations and we got in and out. A piece of cake.” Eddie winks, but somehow Steve doubts that it was so easy.

“My father will be furious; you know his temper. We have to get back before something awful happens.” Steve begs, but Eddie shakes his head.

“It’s not him you have to worry about, Steve, but  you !” Eddie replies, looking concerned. “When I saw you in the dungeons for a moment I thought… I thought… Fuck! I’m sorry, Steve! I’m so sorry I didn’t come to get you as soon as they took you away. Please forgive me.” He begs, holding Steve’s hand and kissing his knuckles.

Steve shakes his head, softly, “There is nothing to forgive. I trust you with my life and you have nothing to be sorry about. I just wished you didn't have to risk your life to save mine.”

“You are our rightful king, my life and my soul belong to you.” Eddie declares, lowering his face and kissing Steve's lips. It’s just a peck, sweet and soft, but it’s all Steve needed.

“Where are we?” he asks, turning around to look at the little room that has nothing to do with his castle.

Eddie scratches his head in embarrassment, “Do you remember the stories… those about the mages that live at the end of the woods? Well, they aren’t stories at all. There is a little house at the end of the woods that is protected by many enchantments, only those in need might find it. And… Well. We were in need. So here we are.” He explains quickly, lifting his hands.

“What? How?” Steve blinks a few times, trying to clear his mind. “Are you telling me… are you telling me that stories are real? That there are mages here?”

Steve’s nanny has told him many stories about mages, enchantments and dark forces, and how his predecessor fought bravely and freed the kingdom, but that’s all the were: stories.

Eddie nods seriously. “There are and they saved your life.” He explains, “Your father was poisoning you. If we would have waited another day to rescue you… well, let’s say that I don’t think that there would have been anything to rescue.” Eddie replies harshly, biting his cheek.

“That’s not possible.” Steve protests, “My father is a stern man, but he is not cruel. I’m sure he was just holding me in prison before a regular trial.”

“Steve, he put you in a cell without even talking to you. Do you really think he was going to give you a fair trial?.”

Steve lowers his eyes. He knows that Eddie is right but he can’t believe that his own father tried to kill him. “Why would he? I’m his only son.”

“You are, but you ruled for the last three years and there are people ready to fight for you. I think that killing you was the easiest way to … to…”

“To get rid of you.” A tall blond woman says.

Steve turns his head toward the tall woman: she’s dressed in black and has numerous crystals around her neck, but what betrays her origins are her eyes: they are as green as the spring grass, with little golden flakes that shine in an unhuman way even in the dim light. He has never seen a mage in his life but if the stories are true, as they seem they are, mages have traces of old blood in their veins.  

Steve is still staring at the mage when a cute little blond girl, holding a tray with a bowl of hot soup, comes into the room. She has the same golden flakes in her blue eyes, and her ears are softly pointed on the top.

“You are awake. That’s good news.” She says smiling brightly, her eyes so blue that Steve could swear that he hears seagulls when he looks her in the eye.

“Who are you?” Steve asks, surprised.

“That’s no one of your business,” the tall woman replies abruptly, and when Steve turns his head he sees that she is standing right in front of him.

“Those are the mages that saved your life.” Eddie explains, “But they are very jealous of their privacy. They gave us shelter but won’t tell us their names.”

“There is power in names, a power that your people forgot. You gave them away too quickly.” The woman says, “But if you want a word in common language to identify us, I’m Robin, and she is Chrissy.”

Eddie frowns. “I tried to get a name out of you for days and you never told me!” he complains, but the woman winks.

“You didn’t ask nicely.” She replies, ,moving closer to Steve, grabbing his chin with no gentleness, and staring into his eyes. “Uhm… your eyes look almost clear. Did he throw up again?” she asks Eddie, who shakes his head.

“No. He had some seizures during the night and sweated a lot like you said he would have, but no more black goo stuff.”

The woman nods, pleased. “Good. That’s good. You are stronger than you look, princeling.” She declares while Steve observes her, his confusion written in big letters on his face. “Open your mouth.” She orders, getting a vial with some green liquid that smells disgusting and Steve’s mouth remains stubbornly closed. “I’ll give you an easy choice: do you want to live? If the answer is yes, open your mouth.”

The taste is even worse than the smell, but the woman is quick to close Steve’s mouth with her hands and make him gulp down everything.

A couple of tears escape from Steve’s eyes, and at that moment the girl removes her hands. “That’s called  Crocodile Tears , can you guess why?” she asks amused, then offers him some water, which Steve swallows to wash away the terrible taste from his mouth.

Eddie grabs Steve’s hand, holding it to his chest. “But he’ll be fine, right? You gave him the potion and…”

“Yes. He will survive.” She responds, taking her vials and disappearing again, while the cute blond girl remains in the room.

Steve’s head turns to follow the jingling of the numerous crystals and almost doesn’t notice that the other girl is still in the room.

“Don’t judge her too harshly.” She says in a whisper. “She lost her family during the purge.” 

Steve frowns, confused, “The purge was ages ago.” 

“I know. But some of us are blessed with a long life. If you can call it a blessing. Someone would call it a curse.” The girl murmurs, almost to herself, but when she turns toward Steve she is gleaming, “I’m glad you are feeling better, your Majesty.” She says, making a little bow that would have had Steve’s father horrified by its sloppiness, but that in Steve’s eyes looks so sweet.

“Thank you for saving my life.”

She chuckles, hiding her beautiful smile behind her hands, “It was an honor.” 

Steve turns toward Eddie, looking for answers, but his personal guard seems as puzzled as he is.

“Eat as much as you can,” she points at the tray, “you’ll need your strength back.” She says, before leaving the room.

Eddie helps him eat the soup, feeding him spoon after spoon like he was a baby. Steve tries to complain, but from the way Eddie’s hands shake while holding the spoon he understands that Eddie needs this more than him. So he relaxes and lets Eddie feed him, until his eyes start to close again.

“No more?” Eddie asks, taking away the bowl.

“Sorry…” Steve whispers in a drowsy voice.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Eddie replies, tucking the blankets in around him and kissing his forehead. “Don’t worry your pretty head. All you need to do is rest.”

tag list: @katyawriteswhump

[kill-the-feels]

the most dangerous thing is to love ~ ch. IV

a/n: hey besties!! it's been a hot minute since i've been on here and even longer since i updated this, but i come bearing a fun chapter so i hope you'll forgive me! i've also got the next four or five chapters plotted out, so the next few updates should be quicker in coming! thanks to everyone who's waited and loved it so far! <3 (previous part) (master list)

warnings: language, lots of snark, references to past injuries, slight horror vibe at the end

word count: ~4.9k

You crouch behind Fett as he lays flat against the edge of the cliff, eyes squinting in the blistering sunlight.

The crystal water all around you shimmers in the distance, the dark forest and cave system between you and the shore.

“I don’t see anything,” he says. You creep up beside him, mirroring his pose, lest you fall over the side.

This is the highest point on the island, a rocky hill that left the both of you winded on the climb up.

“Nothing?” you repeat. He gives you a wicked side-eye, the kind that gives a blaster bolt a run for its money, irritation at your questioning evident.

“Nothing. You’re positive it was bones you found?” You clench your jaw, his skeptical tone grating. This is the third time the two of you have been over this.

“Unless sticks are shockingly white and humanoid. And carry ancient med kits.” He snorts beside you, wiggling himself back away from the ledge.

“This little island is clearly uninhabited. And there are no signs of life. Which makes the presence of another human-”

“Disturbing, to say the least,” you interrupt. He glares at you.

“And unlikely.” You glance at the horizon. Empty, same as it has been.

“Or like us — unlucky. Who’s to say they weren’t like us? Survivors who washed up here, survived as long as they could, then died.” You paint a morbid picture, and Fett makes a face.

“This cannot be the only island on the whole planet. Someone has to be out there.” He's trying to be logical about this whole thing, but you remain unconvinced.

“Maybe. But I don’t like our odds.” Fett fiddles with a button on his wrist, and you watch as it blinks red twice, then shuts off.

“Damn it,” he mutters under his breath, hurrying back the way you came before you can ask any questions. ~~~ The climb back down takes the rest of your afternoon, and the two of you retreat back into the caves as night sets in, building a fire and sitting closer to it for warmth.

“We need food,” you say, halving a ration bar and passing him half. He scowls at it.

“These taste like shit,” Fett says bluntly. You nibble on the edge of it, trying to make it last, so you can trick your stomach into thinking it’s more food than it is.

“I’m sorry, I’ll have the chef prepare something else for next time,” you say, and he glares at you, his favorite pastime.

“If someone hadn’t tossed my helmet, it’d be easier to find things to eat.” You make a face, sticking your tongue out at him like a three-year-old. Always about that damn helmet.

“We could also fish," you suggest. "Got to be plenty of those.” Fett pokes a stick in the fire, ignoring you.

“Tomorrow you’re showing me where you found the bones,” he says instead. Unease slithers down your spine.

“I’d rather not go back there.” He finally glances at you, disdain barely masked on his face.

“Afraid of the nexu?” You clench your jaw, grabbing your own stick to poke the fire with.

“No.” It’s the truth. It’s not the nexu that leaves your skin crawling. It’s the idea of being back in that spot. Everything was so still and quiet, and you can’t shake the sensation that something else was there besides the nexu, watching you.

“If you found the med kit there, odds are there are other supplies. We’re going back.” His tone leaves no room for argument, and you bite off another corner of your ration bar, gathering your courage to poke the proverbial bear again.

“Why are you the one calling all the shots?” You interrupt the silence, unable to let it go. Fett doesn't respond at first, instead twisting his stick in the flames, burning a neat circle around the end. His silence is worse than his caustic arguments, because you can't argue with silence.

“I thought this was a truce.” Bitterness seeps into your voice as you try again.

“If you with your infinite knowledge of survival would like to be in charge, then by all means,” he says calmly. A small flame grows on the end of the stick, steadily climbing up its length to his hand. Fett smudges the stick out in the dirt.

The side of his mouth tilts up, just barely, and you gape. Instead of arguing with you, meeting your anger with the plenty of his own that he's got stored up, he does that.

“Did you just make a joke?” Your own stick burns, and you toss it in the fire instead of extinguishing it.

“I don’t make jokes,” he says, stretching out on his back, one hand resting behind his head. You stare at him as he throws the other arm over his eyes.

“You made a joke.” He gives you a noncommittal hum.

“Some of us are trying to sleep,” Fett says. You snatch up another stick, letting it catch fire. When it burns, you hold onto it, torn between smudging it out and burying it in Fett’s ribs.

In the end, you put it in the dirt beside his stick, pillowing your hands under your head and shutting your eyes. ~~~ “Get up.” The foot to the ribs doesn’t feel any better than before, and your eyes fly open, glare ready.

“Good morning to you too, ass,” you mutter. The sun is barely peaking over the hills but the morning is already hot and steamy, with distant creatures calling out in the jungle.

The waves crash against the rocks as you eat the half of the ration bar Fett passes you on his way out of the cave. You’re scrambling to follow, still half-asleep and vaguely confused.

“Easy,” you huff, sliding on loose rocks as you make your way up the hill. “Do you know where you’re going?”

In your haste to follow him, you put your foot down on the wrong rock, and it twists, sending you sprawling on your knees. Fett catches hold of your upper arm before you can slide too far down, hefting you back to your feet.

“We’re meant to be walking, not sliding,” he says. Blowing hair out of your eyes, you watch where you step, until the two of you reach the top of the hill, just outside of the tree line.

“Where do we go from here?” He's looking at you expectedly, like you should just know where to go. You hesitate, trying to remember.

“I was trying to head to the beach, where we washed up,” you say. “And I know I headed downwards, pretty much straight in.” You bite your lip, unsure how to tell Fett that you basically stumbled onto the spot.

He glances at the sky.

“You have no idea where we should be going,” he says. It isn’t a question.

“I know the general idea. Just… be quiet and let me think.” After the nexu attacked you, it was a miracle you managed to make it back. The green all looks the same, and you have a feeling that the less you try to navigate, the more the your instinct takes over. Plus, the cave is next to the water, so you were able to follow the sound of the waves as you got close enough.

But as you walk forward, the jungle starts to look a little less confusing, certain landmarks seeming familiar. Fett follows silently behind you, shoving leaves and branches out of his way with more force than is probably strictly necessary.

He says nothing, but gradually his breathing gets heavier, like he’s struggling to keep up, still recovering from being sick. You round the corner, into a small, open area littered with rocks.

“Let’s stop for a minute,” you say. Fett glances around, eyes tracing the line of the trees.

“Is this where you were?” he asks, leaning on a waist-high rock. You shake your head.

“No, I don’t recognize any of this. But I need a breather.” The look he gives you is not amused.

“So we keep walking.” He starts off, headed in what feels like the complete wrong direction. With a groan, you hurry after him.

“We can keep walking all you want, but I’m telling you, I need to take a breather, and so do you, and I’m not sure which way I-”

Fett takes another step forward and something clicks under his foot. He freezes and you react on instinct, holding your breath.

“What was that?” He glances back at you without moving, then looks down, lips set in a grim line. Slowly, he crouches, keeping his feet in the same position, until he can brush the leaves and detritus of the jungle away.

His spine stiffens, ramrod straight, and more telling than anything he could say with his words.

“It’s a mine,” he says, voice flat and without any emotion. He's way too calm for the situation, in your opinion. You squint at the ground, just able to make out the top of a durasteel circle.

“Why is there a fucking mine?” you ask, voice a horrified whisper. Fett looks around as he carefully stands back up.

“I don’t know. But there are probably more. Are there any under your feet?” You crouch, maintaining your position the same way he did, and carefully clear away the leaves covering the ground around you.

“I don’t see any.” Fett’s jaw clenches.

“Go back the way we came,” he says. “Watch your feet, trace your steps as best you can.”

“And you?” He eyes the distance between you two.

“Just go.” You shake your head.

“No, we can come up with something. We’re a team now, remember?” He rolls his eyes.

“As if you’d ever let me forget.” Instead of stepping away, you step closer.

“For once in your fucking life, can’t you listen?” he says, angry. “If you step on one, at best we’re both screwed, at worst, we both die.” You stop moving.

“Okay. Since we’re stuck — for now — let’s discuss: why are there mines?” You add the “for now” when he glares at you.

“You’ll be happy to know this counts as a sign of life,” Fett says. “And is one hell of a disturbing way to find out.” Thunder rumbles above the two of you.

“It definitely ranks above the bones,” you say. The wind whistles through the trees, brushing over your skin, leaving chills in its wake.

“Bones can’t kill you.” He looks above him, at the way the clouds are steadily thickening.

“What do we do?” Fett looks behind him, at the way the two of you came. He sighs, rubbing his hands down his face.

“I don’t suppose you have secrets skills with defusing bombs hidden up your sleeve.” You’d almost believe it was a joke, except you know Fett and find it hard to believe he’s joking right now. You’re certainly not laughing.

“Sorry, fresh out of that one,” you say, wiping the sweat off your forehead. Fett closes his eyes, seeming to gather himself before he looks at your fingers.

“Alright. Do exactly as I say.” He reaches for one of the pouches on his belt, pulling out a tiny blade and a little pointed rod of durasteel. When you hesitate, he shakes them at you, drawing you closer.

You move carefully, examining the ground before you shuffle your feet forward until you’re right in front of him.

“What now?” Fett crouches a little, trying to get a good look at the mine.

“Clean it off some more — carefully — so we can see what we’re working with. There should be a place to unscrew the casing. That’s what the pointed piece is for. Tell me when you’ve done that.”

Gently, holding your breath lest you breathe too hard and set the damn thing off, you scrape away dirt and leaves until the muddy mine stares up at you. There’s a raised circular section, with dirt caked into what looks like a tiny X.

“Unscrew there,” Boba says, and you flex your fingers to try and work out the shakiness.

“No problem. Anything else while I’m down here? Some refreshments, maybe?” He scoffs.

“Cut the shit and focus on what you’re doing.” You save the choice words you’ve got for him because it takes too much of your concentration to make sure the little rod is fitting correctly in the corroded X of the screw.

Slowly, it gives way and starts to twist.

“Wait until it’s almost all the way free, then switch to your fingers and twist — slowly. When you get it out, put it to the side and pry the casing open just enough to see what’s inside. Try not to disturb any wires.” He makes the instruction sound like something as simple as baking.

“How am I meant to pry it open and not disturb any wires?” The screw loosens dangerously and you quickly grab at it with your fingers, giving it the final few twists it takes to pull it all the way out. You set it and the rod to the side. Taking a deep breath, you ready yourself for the hard part.

“Get at an angle where you can see down inside without moving it too much. Tell me what you see.” You make a face, the angle required putting your face right next to his leg.

The proximity is weird and makes the situation even worse. Squinting, you try to make out what’s under the dirt.

“Bunches of wires,” you mutter.

“I know that,” Fett says, and you can hear the eye roll. “What color?”

Your head is fully pressed against his leg now, fingers trying to delicately crack open the side some more.

“Brown,” you say finally. “And a blue and white one. Maybe a black one under all that? Or a dark grey?” He huffs.

“Which? It’s important to know.” And really, it shouldn’t surprise you that Fett knows how to disarm a mine. He is the Boba Fett after all.

“Black,” you say decisively, because either you’re right or you’ll be dead wrong and blissfully dead so you don’t have to hear about how you were wrong.

“Cut the brown wire.” You look at the blade in your hand.

“Uh, not to question you, but that was awful quick. Are you sure, buddy?” He looks down at you, where your head is still pressed to his leg.

“Cut the brown wire,” he says through gritted teeth.

Slowly, you stab the blade into the gap, trying to not to touch any other wires. Your heart is racing, skin buzzing with anticipation.

Ever so gently, you turn the blade, watching in fascination as it severs the brown wire.

It is a win, you suppose, that you don’t immediately blow up.

But Fett still has to move his foot.

“Is it cut?” he asks. You nod, already carefully backing away.

“Get back here,” he says, “and cut the blue and white one.”

“I have to cut more?” You’re not proud of the way your voice whines. He glares at you, not even dignifying you with a response.

This time, you’re less careful, slicing your way through it.

“And now the dark grey one?” you ask. He jerks his gaze down to you.

“You said it was black!” Is that fear in his voice?

“I meant black, calm down.”

“Don’t touch the last wire. Back up.” You hold your breath, watching.

Your heart bangs against your rib cage as Fett slowly inches his weight off.

There’s a click and you squeeze your eyes shut. Waiting.

It doesn’t blow.

“Fuck,” he hisses, resting his palms on his thighs, catching his breath. You sigh in relief and he pins you with an unamused stare.

“Some thanks for saving your life would be nice,” you say, and he ignores you. The thunder is louder this time, vibrating against your bones.

“Let’s get moving,” Fett orders, as a few fat raindrops start to fall on your heads.

“Back to camp?” you ask, and he shakes his head.

“It’d take too long. Let’s find somewhere to hunker down.” The two of you set off in the opposite direction, moving as quickly as you can as the rain picks up. ~~~ He’s damn lucky.

Squinting through the curtain of rain, Boba follows you as the two of you try to find somewhere to take shelter.

It makes him wish he had his helmet, but he’s not complaining, because he’s damn lucky.

Even now, his hands are still shaking so badly that he keeps them clenched into fists, ignoring the way his legs feel weak and wobbly. He’ll take that to his grave, thank you very much.

But still, being forced to confront his own mortality twice in less than a week is not doing great things for his mental space, especially when he has to deal with you, instead of having peace and quiet to process everything.

“Up ahead,” he calls, seeing a rocky overhang that juts out enough to offer some cover.

Cold rain runs down the back of his neck, slipping underneath the collar of his flight suit and sending shivers down his spine.

It worsens his mood, his frustration making it hard to concentrate. You slide underneath the rock, the space just big enough for the two of you to sit shoulder-to-shoulder, heads brushing the rock above you.

“I hate the rain.” Boba blinks at you as the words slip from the both of you in unison.

“Ha,” you say, nudging your shoulder with his. He shoves back, disliking the contact. “Figures we’d have something in common.” Boba scowls out at the grey curtain cutting the two of you off from the rest of the world.

Rain makes his bones ache, makes him feel cold and clammy, and it’s just so loud.

“It’ll pass,” he says, not sure if he’s reassuring himself or you. You glance at him.

“I know. But if you get sick again, I’m going to be pissed.” He rolls his eyes.

“Not gonna get sick.” You don’t look convinced, your hands twisting in your lap. Rainwater that must have been collecting above him gushes over the side of the rock, running down his side, soaking him. Boba glares, biting back the groan and unintentionally shifting closer to you.

“Easy, big guy,” you say, and he looks down to find your hand in the center of his chest piece as he ends up nearly in your lap.

“It’s getting too wet over here,” he says, glad that his brown skin hides the way he can feel his cheeks getting hot.

With a long-suffering sigh, you scoot over, towards the edge on your side, and he moves closer, hating that his options are touching you or sitting in the small waterfall.

“If it isn’t raining, it broiling hot,” you say. “I wish we could just have one day with moderate temperatures and nothing trying to kill us. No cliffs, no killer cats, and no fucking mines.” Boba snorts.

“I dunno. Mines and cliffs are easy enough to avoid. If there wasn’t any challenge, we might get bored.” You roll your eyes at him, and Boba looks away, momentarily distracted by the strange jump in his chest.

It’s the physical contact, he decides. He hasn’t had something like that in years, not since Jango died. Obviously, he’s had lovers. But it’s different, a quick release that ends just as soon as it’s begun.

The last time he sat this close to someone? And didn’t do anything else, but just sat? He couldn’t say.

“What if it doesn’t let up? Do we camp here?” You make a good point, but he’s not exactly sure where the two of you are, and the rain makes it hard to see where you’ve been. Trying to navigate your way back to camp could prove fatal.

“We don’t have to make a decision yet,” he says, giving you a non-answer that has you rolling your eyes again.

“Sure thing, boss,” you mutter, tilting your head back and closing your eyes. Your brow stays furrowed, like you’re thinking about something that’s troubling you. Boba stares at the rain, willing it to stop. It doesn’t work. It never does, but it didn’t stop him from trying when he was a little boy and it doesn’t stop now.

“How does a person like you end up on a bounty hunter’s radar?” he asks, hating the silence. You open one eye, glancing at him, unamused.

“You know how. It’s the same as it always is.” Objectively, he knows the answer. Jabba put the bounty out, so it has something to do with the Hutts. It’s why he took this job.

But he wants to know what exactly you, of all people, did to merit being hunted down, other than being a wise-ass.

You clench your hands in your lap, twisting your fingers around each other. There’s a barely contained anger there, simmering just below the surface. He recognizes it because he sees it in himself, an odd realization to have.

“That can’t be the whole story,” he prods. “You weren’t worth the fuel it took to find you.” Your jaw clenches and you stare pointedly into the rain.

“And yet, it is.” You don’t offer anything else, just take a few measured breaths in and out, calming your temper. It’s a little impressive actually, to see that you are capable of reigning in your blistering comments. ~~~ You know what he’s doing. He’s probing, trying to learn more about you. What you don’t know is why. You two might be allies, but you’re certainly not friends.

He scraps a spare blade over the side of the rock, sharpening it.

Most likely he’s asking because he still can’t believe that the Hutts are really that petty. Regrettably? They are.

Fett shifts beside you, his knee brushing yours, and you resist the urge to shove him away. You’re cranky right now, back stiff and stinging with the stitches.

And just when you’d started to dry out from the last afternoon thunder shower, here you are, soaking wet again.

Your head hurts too, most likely from dehydration and hunger, and you’re to the point where you just want to tear into something with your hands. Fett’s looking more and more like a solid target, especially if you have to keep sitting in close quarters like this.

“Something is jamming my fucking signal,” Fett says, breaking the silence. Slowly, you turn to look at him.

He shows you the same button on his wrist he was messing with when you climbed to the high point on the island. Once more, it blinks red twice, then shuts off.

“It’s not just dead?” you ask, unsure how it works.

“No, it’s not dead. This thing is meant to be used in emergencies. It’s powerful and can pick up any frequency. When it can connect. Even if there’s no one in the area, it should let me transmit something out, to be heard if someone gets near us.” You hear the unintentional emphasis on “if.” Not knowing exactly where you are in the galaxy makes this ten times harder.

For all you know, the two of you could be in the far reaches, where people rarely — if ever — make it.

“Have you been trying it out this whole time?” He gives you his signature side-eye, before slapping it a little harder.

“When I’ve been awake and able, yes. I’m not an idiot.” Your mouth opens of its own volition, the scathing reply poised to leap off your tongue, Fett unintentionally setting you up perfectly.

And just like that, it quits raining, saving you from most likely putting your foot in your mouth again and starting another fight with Fett.

The last remnants of rain drip down the branches of the trees, soaking into the ground, filling the jungle with a quiet hush. You peer into foliage, watching as a steamy mist rises up from the warm ground.

Now that the rain has stopped, it’s humid, everything around you clammy. Fett wastes no time brushing past you, slicking his hair back, the curls unruly and wet.

He peers into the jungle around you, eyes scanning the foliage.

“Does any of this look familiar?” he asks, and you’re tempted to say yes, just so he thinks you’re more useful than you currently are.

“No,” you say honestly. “I think we made a wrong turn.” Fett rolls his eyes.

“There is no ‘we’ in this. You got us lost.”

“Ehh,” you say, face screwing up. “Maybe technically, but really I told you from the beginning. I don’t know how I got there.” His scoff is filled with contempt, and he shoves your shoulder.

“That way. That’s the direction of the caves. We’ll try again tomorrow.” The prospect of spending another day hiking through the jungle in the broiling heat and inevitable rain does not fill you with joy, but you figure it’s in your best interest not to argue right now.

So you stomp forward, crashing through the foliage, generally being as loud as you can, because you’re learning that the creatures who inhabit this island dislike the noise and tend to run from it.

You round the corner of another large boulder, and freeze.

The tree.

In the misty steam rising from the jungle floor, it’s not as clear as it was the last time, but it’s definitely the tree, the same moss covering it as last time. There’s the pool beside it; you're unable to see the waterfall trickling down, but able to hear it in the hushed stillness all the same.

Fett rams into your back, nearly knocking you over, and you don’t even protest at the sudden sharp pain from your stitches.

You just keep staring at the tree, the mist moving all around, like another entity.

Your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth, unwilling to break the silence, even to tell him this is it. The sun is still overhead, and if you look behind you, you can see it peeking through the trees. But in front of you, this tree and its little haven, remain shrouded in shadows.

Your eyes fall to the base of the tree, where you know the patch of grass rests, housing the long-forgotten bones.

You force your foot forward, having difficulty picking it up, like you’re slogging through layers of mud.

You shouldn’t be here.

The words come unbidden to your mind, whispered as clear as day, like someone spoke them into your ear. Fett hasn’t moved either, looking between you and the tree. He squints at something, resting on a root beside the tree. The dark shape looks familiar, and you’re fairly certain it wasn’t here last time.

A cold wind whistles through the trees above your head, stirring the mist and rushing over your arms, like two cold hands.

You back up a step, bumping into Fett again. Something is wrong here. You shouldn’t be here. There’s a pregnant pause, the anticipation nearly killing you, everything in your body telling you to run.

You blink. Once. Twice.

The mist fades away. Gradually, the sun seeps into the clearing, the cold wind replaced by the same balmy breeze everywhere else on the island.

In the absence of the mist, you can see what the shape is.

“Is that my fucking helmet?” Fett speaks first, disrupting the silence and causing you to jump. He charges forward before you can stop him, and you have no choice but to follow, feet no longer stuck to the ground.

He snatches it up and spins on you, finger pointed in accusation.

“Is this why you didn’t want to come here? Why you’ve been leading me in fucking circles? Real funny.” You’re shaking your head, genuinely afraid, but not of him. It feels like he’s disturbing something, being too loud when he should grab the helmet and get the hell out of here.

“I didn’t know,” you whisper. “It wasn’t here last time. I swear.” Your eyes fall to the patch of grass, the bright green almost unnatural against the dark moss.

Is there—? Yes, just there, the white of the bone. Only, it looks like it’s been rearranged, because you definitely left that thing sticking up more.

“Fett, we need to go,” you say softly, and he must hear something in your voice that your words are not saying, because he blinks and looks around for the first time.

The leaves brush together above you, sounding like a crowd whispering. Debating something. The sun shifts again, slipping out of the clearing, and you watch as the mist starts to swirl back up. The cold returns, and you take a quick step back, as shivers race up and down your spine.

Fett tugs his helmet on and reaches for a blaster.

“Don’t,” you risk calling. “Let’s go.” You take another step back, out of the clearing, into the sunny jungle. Fett looks back at the tree one more time, before he follows you.

Neither of you speak for the entire trek back to the cave.

When the sun sets, Fett tightens his grip on his blaster, and you notice the way he stokes the fire higher, until it lights up every corner of the cave.

[pitske]

ROTZBACKE! HAKENZAHN! OI! OI! OI!

[disastersteps]

being sick while getting caught red-handed...!!

[fereldanwench]

im so glad this is my last day of work for the week and i have monday off

this week has been ROUGH

[despite-everything]

it can be so fucking hard to be close to people who have very different understandings of time and respect than you.

[niuxita21]

The absolute Misty Quigley-level mental gymnastics by Ana to come to the conclusion that her breaking Mariana's heart in season 1 was somehow all Juan Carlos's fault because if he hadn't gotten involved with Tere, Ana wouldn't have found out the day of the baptism and she wouldn't have gotten mad at Mariana for keeping that secret from her and, thus, rejected her when she told Ana she was in love with her 🤣🤣