#ive mentioned it multiple times in the past so it just gets annoying having to deal with people constantly asking about it

[saline-coelacanth]

Just a reminder that I am NOT working on the Ninjago fusion au anymore so do not send me asks about it I will not answer them

[mountainficss]

heyy .. IVE BEEN THINKING AGAIN … FRAT CHEOL ??? like nothing really specific just… frat cheol.😊

- 🦈

!! mentions of: multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, marking

🦈 ANON STOP HAVING SUCH GOOD IDEAS??? i’m not too knowledgeable on frat boys but from what i hear they’re crazy and they party a LOT. or so the stereotype says 👀

i feel like cheollie wouldn’t be super obnoxious, but he would try to annoy you a bit. definitely not the brightest in college but at the very least makes an effort. very into sports and drinking. you’d probably meet him at some frat party your friend dragged you to, and you’d definitely catch his attention. since he doesn’t know how to deal with his little crush on you he’d just bug you the whole night. annoying little flirt for sure. would throw his arm around your shoulder while you’re sitting on the couch sipping punch from your plastic cup because you didn’t want alcohol. would shamelessly ask if you looked just as pretty without clothes on, and that would earn him a hard punch to the arm 😳 you’d never even consider sleeping with seungcheol! right?

wrong! in fact, you’d probably consider it more than once over the span of an hour. you’d let yourself give in, let yourself indulge in your temptations just this once. besides, he might be a good fuck! :) he’d drag you off to an unoccupied bathroom and would absolutely fuck your brains out, probably making you cum more times than any of your past lovers combined could. he even helped you fix your clothes and smooth out your hair after. you let yourself enjoy this moment with him for the night, but cut all ties with him afterwards. you didn’t fuck him again, didn’t contact him again, didn’t even go to another frat party because you didn’t want to risk seeing him again. you refused to let yourself get played, because he definitely wasn’t thinking about seeing you again! right?

wrong! he started magically appearing outside your classes, telling you that he asked around for your schedule so he could see you more often. you’d be skeptical of the fact that pretty frat boy seungcheol was asking around for your schedule, so you’d keep your guard up for a bit. but when he continued to walk you to your classes and sit with you while you study, you kind of grew to like him. even though you tried to avoid him before, he still looked for you. it made you wonder why he was so insistent on spending time with you, even though the reason is blatantly obvious. he definitely likes you. it’s very noticeable when he looks for you everywhere he goes and follows around you like some protective guard dog.

it’s also very noticeable when he fucks you sensually in your own bed while your roommate is away :( you promised yourself you’d never give in to seungcheol again, but you just couldn’t help it :( almost every time he’s walked you back to your dorm room you’ve dragged him inside with you. and he just fucks you so good—he fucks you like he’s in love with you, rutting into you slowly and holding your hands while he does it. he’d suck a bunch of pretty hickeys onto your neck, marking and claiming you. not only that, but he’d beg you to mark him, beg you to bite and suck every part of his neck so you two can have pretty matching marks. you wouldn’t think he’d want you to mark him, knowing that he was well-known on campus for being popular with women. but you’d never argue, marking his neck almost as much as he marked yours.

what you still fail to notice is that seungcheol likes you and likes you a lot. you figured that he was just the campus whore and you were one of his many toys. you’d assume you would be just another fuck-and-go for him, but that was far from the truth. he was attracted to not only your body, but your strong personality too. he’d always want to see you outside of fucking, whether it be walking you to your classes or just tagging along while you study. he genuinely enjoys your company, and he’d continue to try and prove it to you even though you’re oblivious <3

[juyeonszn]

JE NE SAIS QUOI

PAIRING jacob bae x f!reader

WORD COUNT 7.33k

GENRES smut ﹒fluff ﹒itty bitty angst

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, strangers to ?? to lovers, volleyball team captain!jacob (ohhhh ive been waiting for this one..), lots of 97 liner cameos, jacob is an honorary tbz frat member but isn’t actually a member lol, reader is down bad for him, mentions of alcohol, volleyball terms that i learned from haikyuu 😭, an annoying ex girlfriend, AURKAY here we go: bathroom sex, wall sex, bathroom sink counter sex, and mirror sex all in one, doggy style and also missionary? i guess?, NO FOREPLAY BUT FUCK IT WE FALL LIKE SOLDIERS FOR REAL, marking-ish, unprotected sex, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, and everyone’s favorite! creampie!, a cutesy ending

SUMMARY jacob thought the concept of fraternities was stupid. so stupid that despite every single one of his friends being in one, he still refused to join. however, after meeting you at one of the tbz parties, he’s starting to think maybe they’re not that horrible.

MORE HELLAURRRR ok i know this is 45 mins overdue but i barely finished this last night and i worked at 5 am this morning so 😭 ANYWAYYY this fic is actually my favorite so far… idk i just have this natural writing affinity when it comes to jacob which u can tell by the length…. if u enjoyed pls reblog! and don’t forget to check out the other fics in the series!

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble @zzoguri @deoboyznet @cloverdaisies @vernyangel @ericlvr

TAGLIST @millksea

SERIES MASTERLIST

“And there’s another point for the IST U Bears. Wow these boys are on fire tonight.”

The announcer’s voice booms throughout the gymnasium, intertwining with the cheers of the crowd. They all sound like the buzzing of a bee in Jacob’s ears, but that’s a good thing. It pricks at his skin, lighting it on fire and getting his morale going.

The team just needed one more point and they would win this set, sending them on their way to the championship game. This would be the first time in IST history that their boys’ volleyball team would make it this far, and that was all thanks to Jacob becoming captain for his senior year.

Their coach calls for a quick time out, giving Jacob a moment of reprieve before his final serve of the game. He wipes away the sweat on his forehead, shaking the front of his jersey to air it out and cool him down a little. The team’s manager passes him a water bottle. He loves the adrenaline rush that courses through his veins when he’s on the court. It’s unlike any other feeling he’s ever felt in his life.

“Alright, Bae. You’ve got this, right?” Jacob’s coach gives him a pointed look.

“Of course, Coach. There’s no way in hell that we’re losing this game tonight.” He gives him a firm nod, lips curled into a confident smile. There wasn’t a chance that Jacob Bae would go down without a fight. He was securing that championship seat whether anyone liked it or not.

The team heads back out and a referee hands Jacob the volleyball. He blows a raspberry, twirling the ball on his fingertips while waiting for the whistle. As soon as he hears it, he takes a couple steps back. A breeze cuts through his hair when he runs, executing his infamous jump serve with practiced ease. The ball flies past the players of the other team, hitting the court just in front of the line.

His teammates are yelling and throttling his body around before he even realizes that they’ve won. Some of them are riling up the crowd, others are on their knees crying tears of joy. He was anticipating this outcome, but for some reason he’s still shell shocked. Everything around him is static and white noise.

“Holy shit, Jacob. I can’t believe you did that,” Kim Mingyu, the team’s star middle blocker, slaps him on the back. He’s also drenched in sweat, patting his face with a towel.

“You and me both, to be completely honest.” Jacob laughs a bit, collecting his things so he can head to the locker room.

He’s slightly grateful that tonight’s game ended a little early, giving him enough time to get ready before the Tau Beta Zeta party. He wasn’t even that big of a party person. He only went to provide moral support for his friends who happened to all be in the fraternity. Most people would even go as far as assuming he was also in it considering how often he was spotted at that house, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He actually thought fraternities were dumb. In his eyes, they held no purpose.

A bunch of guys living together under the guise of brotherhood when in reality they spent most of their time partying was just stupid. You could do that without the fancy titles or the expected respect from fellow students. He loved his friends, truly, but he didn’t understand the hype.

Jacob showers quickly and changes into a hoodie and some baggy jeans. He ruffles his hair in front of a mirror, grabbing his backpack and swinging it over his shoulder. As he’s preparing to leave, someone calls out to him.

“Yo, Cobie! Are you going to the TBZ party?”

He spins around to find the source, learning it belongs to Jeong Jaehyun. The setter nods, pulling his hood over his head. “Like I always do. Why?”

“I heard through the grapevine that Haeun was going with some friends. I just thought I’d warn you,” he squeezes the shoulder that isn’t hoisting his backpack. “I figured you’d want to take things chill this next week with the championship game on Friday.”

Jacob hums in response and Jaehyun takes that as his cue to be on his way. Of course this would be his luck. Just as he thinks life is getting easier for him, something has to come and throw a curveball at him. This something happened to be his ex-girlfriend, who’d done nothing but terrorize Jacob while they were together. Imagine the most toxic, vile person in the world, then dress her in Jimmy Choo sandals and a designer handbag. That was Haeun.

The only logical reason for her to attend the TBZ party was because his friends were still trying to rack up their numbers. He wouldn’t put it past them if that meant acquiring any and every student on campus. After tonight they would find out who won the stupid competition between them and the KAT sorority, hopefully putting a pin in their godforsaken rivalry once and for all. The winner determined if he was even going to the big end of semester party or not.

Jacob sighs, heading out so he can help out his friends in any way he can. Now that he’s been cursed with the knowledge that he might run into his ex, he’s half tempted to just ditch the whole thing. (He won’t, but the idea is flirting with him.) They’ve been broken up for well over a year now, but somehow she always manages to worm her way back and make him miserable. Quite frankly, he’s tired of it.

When Jacob arrives at the Tau Beta Zeta house, his friends are all over the place. Sangyeon is typing away on his phone, pacing back and forth in the living room. The action from the calm and collected fraternity president makes him kind of nervous. He escapes into the kitchen where Sunwoo and Eric are putting away all of the alcohol. Kevin and Chanhee are complaining about God knows what to each other, and he can faintly hear Hyunjae and Haknyeon upstairs. His juniors start clapping and hollering as soon as they see him enter.

“Woah woah woah, we’ve got a celebrity on our hands guys.” Eric jokes, dapping up the older male.

“Congrats, Cobie,” Sunwoo joins in, fist bumping his senior and handing him a beer bottle. “Do you think you’re gonna win next week?”

“I sure hope so,” Jacob snorts, uncapping the bottle with the opener on the fridge. “I didn’t bring us all this way for nothing.”

Nothing super eventful happens after that, just the guys setting up for the party. They’re projecting that this is the one that secures their victory for the competition. Jacob really couldn’t care less, sitting himself on the couch and scrolling through his phone as he nurses his beer. They all maneuver around him, setting up speakers here, lights there. It’s all pointless in his eyes.

When the party has finally started and the house is packed with partygoers, Jacob hasn’t budged from his spot. The only reason he has a fresh beer is because Eric grabbed one for him in passing. This was what he subjected himself to for hours on end every Friday night. His ass cemented to one of the sofas in the living room and his phone being his main source of entertainment.

It’s as you’re exiting the kitchen with your friends that you notice him. You laugh into your drink at the boredom written all over his face. His extremely handsome face. His hair falls into his eyes and slightly obstructs his vision, but that just accelerates the beating of your heart. You don’t know what it is, but there’s something about him that makes you want to learn his name and everything there is about him.

“Y/N, have you found a nice boy to give you a fun time before hell week?” Haeun asks you, running perfectly manicured fingernails through her hair. “That’s the whole point of being here, isn’t it?”

You didn’t want to tag along, honestly. You were content with staying in tonight and studying for your A&PII exam. You only agreed to get Haeun off your back, because you were well aware of how annoying she could get when she didn’t get what she wanted. She gave the KAT sorority president a run for her money sometimes.

“Uh, no. I’ll just see where the night takes me,” you shrug, keeping a poker face so she doesn’t see who you’re already ogling.

Knowing her, she would make it difficult for you. She would torture you and tease you relentlessly because that was just who she was. Haeun wasn’t satisfied unless she felt good about herself. You didn’t know why you were still friends with her. Maybe it was because she was one of the first people who sought you out after your transfer to IST. Maybe it was because you were afraid of being blacklisted by practically every other student if you dropped her. Her power was insane.

“Boring,” she drags out the vowels, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna see if Cha Eunwoo is here yet.”

You watch as she disappears into the sardine-packed house, looking for the senior. Your other friend, Minjee, just sighs once the dictator is out of earshot— which isn’t even that far considering how loud the music is. She turns to you with a weak smile.

“Don’t let her ruin anything for you. Just go enjoy yourself before she does.”

You don’t need to be told a second time, chugging the contents of your red solo cup for some liquid courage. Your mission was simple; be ten times more fun than the party itself. That would surely catch Couch Boy’s attention. It wasn’t like the Tau Beta Zeta guys didn’t put all their effort into throwing the craziest parties at the school, but clearly this dude wasn’t for it.

Your feet carry you over to the living room, your teeth chewing on your lip nervously. You’d never hit on someone before, let alone at a party. The scariest part was the potential rejection in front of hundreds of your peers. But it was okay! You could do this. You think.

“Hi.”

The word leaves your mouth without your brain even registering it, eyes wide like you’d just done something wrong. He looks up from his phone, mirroring your expression. His tongue darts out to swipe across his bottom lip and then he’s scooting over to make room for you.

“Hi,” he says after a few seconds.

“I’m Y/n,” you extend your hand awkwardly, but he takes it, shaking it with a firm grip that has you crossing your legs. “I— uh— this is kinda weird, but um— I saw you from over there and thought you were cute.”

You swallow thickly, tucking some hair behind your ear. How did Haeun do this on the regular? He smiles at your fumbling and oh God, you think you might pass out from how attractive he is. You don’t have much alcohol in your system and you’re starting to regret how sober you are.

“I’m Jacob,” he rests an arm on the back of the couch. “Thanks for coming up to me. I would’ve missed your pretty face otherwise.”

Is he flirting with you? Holy shit, he’s flirting with you.

“Do you come to Tau Beta Zeta parties often?” You ask to continue the conversation. He nods.

“I practically live here,” Jacob laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners. “How about you, Y/N? What are you studying?”

Oh, so he was one of the members. You wouldn’t have guessed with how disinterested he seemed at his own party. It takes you a moment to realize he’s shifted the focus onto you, scanning your features for a response. You purse your lips.

“Not really. I’m more of a homebody. I’m only here to let loose before finals. I actually just transferred to IST U this semester for the exceptional Pre-Med department. I’m still sorta navigating my way around and meeting people.”

So that’s why he’s never seen you on campus. You’re completely new to the school and you’re in a completely different department than he is. Nonetheless, you’re really cute and Jacob hasn’t put himself out there since breaking up with Haeun. He’s been so concentrated on maintaining his grades and putting in the work for volleyball, he hasn’t even had the time to. But now that finals and the championship game are all next week, he supposes he can allot some just this once…

“How are you liking it here so far?” He asks you genuinely. It winds you a little. You’ve never had someone actually care about what you had to say or show interest in you. Even at your old school, no one batted an eye at you. You doubt anyone knew you transferred.

“The campus itself is beautiful. It’s a lot bigger than my previous one. And so far, everyone’s been nothing but kind to me. I wish I would’ve gone with my gut and came here straight out of high school.” You pick at a thread on your skirt.

“We all live and we all learn, that’s a part of life,” Jacob shrugs, nudging your leg with his foot. “Would you like to grab another drink with me?”

“Yeah, that would be great, actually.” You both stand from the couch.

Since sitting with him, the party has grown in size. Fellow students filled every available corner of the house, nearly standing body to body in order to fit everyone in the building. The amount of attendees should be a fire hazard, honestly. Jacob laces your fingers together so he doesn’t lose you in the mass of people blocking the path to the kitchen. There’s a game of Rage Cage going on where there’s usually a round of beer pong and it looks like this one guy is about to die with how many empty cups are in front of him.

“What are you drinking?” Jacob turns to you once you’ve reached the alcohol table. You shake your head.

“Surprise me.”

“You’re playing Russian Roulette here, Y/N,” his lips curl up into a devious smile that most people would run away from, especially when it’s on the face of a stranger. “You’re really trusting me with your life right now.”

Luckily, you’ve always been into that type of thing. Nice guys who looked like they could give you an unforgettable night. And in the short period you’ve known Jacob, he appeared to be just that. All you can do is nip at your lower lip, the fleet of a smile gracing his sight.

He passes you a cup and gestures for you to taste his concoction. It burns the course of your throat, but doesn’t remind you of straight battery acid. You give him a thumbs up of approval and he cheers, fist bumping the air. You giggle at his reaction. Perhaps stepping out of your comfort zone was the best decision you’ve made all night. He knocks his own cup against yours and takes a swig, wincing.

“I might’ve made mine just a bit stronger than usual,” his voice is hoarse and you can’t help but laugh a little harder. “I put all of my expertise into yours.”

“It’s good to know you’re a gentleman and you’re not trying to get me drunk on purpose,” you tease, sipping at the beverage gingerly. “However, that does mean you’ll need to be flashier in your attempts to woo me. I have very high standards.”

Jacob’s smile widens, his teeth peeking from behind his lips. The expression makes you lightheaded. It should be a crime to look as good as he does, without even trying either. “I don’t know… All I’m hearing is that you want me to woo you…”

He’s caught you red-handed, but it isn’t like you were doing much to conceal that fact. You’d like to think you were being very obvious with your intentions on purpose. You glance up at him from the rim of your cup, your lower back leaning on the counter. “Maybe I do… Are you opposed to that, Jacob?”

He takes a step closer to you, and then another until he has you caged between him and the kitchen counter. Really, he couldn’t give any less of a fuck about the clusters of people nearby. When Jacob Bae had a goal in mind, he made damn sure to work for it. His volleyball career could attest to that. His drink slides across the surface, spilling a little on the back of his hand. He leans down to your ear. “Not at all. But I don’t think you’ll be able to handle what happens when I succeed.”

You feel your cheeks warm, your throat drying, and it’s not because of the effects from the alcohol you’ve just consumed. You’ve known this guy, what, thirty minutes max? And he was already figuring out exactly what it took to get your gears grinding? What a quick fucking leaner. He knows he’s won, too, if the way you’ve gone cotton-mouthed is anything to go by. The ghost of a grin brushes the shell of your ear and it requires the entirety of your strength not to pounce on this stranger in the middle of this goddamn party.

“Everybody who isn’t Tau Beta Zeta, get the fuck out! Someone called the cops!”

A record scratch-like halt puts a pin in the moment, forcing Jacob to step away from you with a groan. This would be just your luck, wouldn’t it? You found a ‘nice boy to give you a fun time before hell week’ and then this stupid party gets raided. It’s annoying, actually. Aggravating, even. Your lips unconsciously form pout out of disappointment and Jacob feels a piece of himself die along with it.

“Shit, you gotta get out of here before they show up and start dragging people out,” he runs a hand through his hair with a hiss.

If it had been a minute earlier, you would’ve fallen to your knees by now. Unfortunately, that was not the case. You needed to find Haeun and Minjee. You do a quick 180° in hopes of spotting either of them.

“Yeah, I need to find my—” You interrupt yourself when you see the former of the two stomping towards you with an indistinguishable look in her eye. “—Friends…”

“Let’s go, Y/N,” her tone is snappy and she glances over at Jacob for a brief moment. You don’t have time to realize what’s happening until her petite fingers are wrapping around your wrist, hauling you out of the kitchen. A yelp escapes your lips as you turn to wave to your… whatever he is to you now.

Initially, you assumed she was just ticked off by the whole cop call thing. At least, that made sense if she’d gotten anywhere with that Cha Eunwoo guy she had been talking about all day leading up to the party. But then Minjee’s driving you back your apartment and she’s whipping around in the passenger seat to give you the nastiest glare you’ve ever been on the receiving end of.

“What the hell is your problem?” She looks two seconds away from bursting a vein in her forehead.

“Wh— huh?” You’re thoroughly confused. What the fuck did you do to her?

“Why were you talking to Jacob Bae? You do know that’s my ex, right?” Her gaze has softened, but could still very much kill you if she wanted to. The wrath of Lee Haeun was more terrifying than that of any horror movie villain to ever exist.

No.

No no no no. The world stops on its axis and it’s like you’ve been told your favorite song was written about a used tissue. You don’t hear anything else she says, feeling like you just had ear muffs placed over your head. This isn’t fair. The universe officially hated you. You were number one on the list of people who deserved the worst possible fate, your name underlined twice with red ink and a star beside it.

You really didn’t have it in you to care about what Haeun thought. If this was the reason you were finally given to stop talking to her, then so be it. What you were worried about was Jacob hating you. He clearly saw that you were friends. Why would he want to pursue anything with one of his ex’s friends? Any sane person would avoid that situation if they could.

Despite not knowing that it was Jacob specifically, you knew the details of their breakup and why things ended so messily. It made sense that she was an authoritarian even in her relationships. That was just in her nature. If she didn’t control every aspect of her life, she would lose her mind. Normally you wouldn’t have batted an eye at that, not nearly enough energy in you to deal with that level of bossiness. But it was starting to bleed into your personal life. And that was a line you weren’t so willing to let her cross.

You could only pray that this was fixable.

Finals week passes by in a breeze, and before he knows it, Jacob is on the court for the championship game. There’s a different aura to him than there usually is when it comes to his volleyball games. He feels ten times more determined. (He would never admit to anyone that it’s because he’s hoping he’ll see you at the end of semester party tonight.)

He actually really enjoyed your presence and your personality. The rate at which his heart beat around you was something he hadn’t felt in a while and it was nice. He liked those little butterflies that came with the start of something new. He liked the jitters and the giggles and everything in between. It reminded him that there was still youth, there was still excitement in his life.

Sure, it was kind of weird that you were friends with his ex-girlfriend. The same ex-girlfriend that he couldn’t stand being in the same room as for more than five minutes at a time. But from your reaction to her dragging you away, Jacob thinks that you didn’t know about him and Haeun. If you did, you wouldn’t have gone up to him in the first place. Unless you knew and just didn’t care, then he didn’t care either. It’s not like he ever plans to allow Haeun to resurface and sink her nails back into him. That’s one mistake he’ll never make again.

Before he knows it, he’s swapping back into the game. He rolls his neck and pops his fingers, getting into position to receive this next serve. Even with this fire lit underneath him, both teams are neck and neck. With every point that IST scored, the opposing team would just catch back up without breaking a sweat. If Jacob wasn’t captain and wasn’t used to being so calm and collected during matches, he’d probably start getting as pissed as Kim Mingyu looks right now.

The referee blows his whistle and the ball is over the net. Jeon Jungkook, the team’s libero, dives for it, the volleyball bouncing off the back of his hand and back up into the air. It’s currently the fourth set and IST has two under their belt. They needed to win this one lest they wanted to go into the fifth. Everyone is on edge, but won’t stop at nothing that isn’t victory. Jacob shifts to set the ball to Jaehyun, who swings his arm back and spikes it to the other side of the court.

One of their players receives it with ease, and they’re back to square one. There’s that back and forth of both teams setting and spiking, only for the other to receive and send it back over. Jacob feels like this game is never gonna end, especially with how agile their libero is and how in tune he is with their setter. But then he makes eye contact with Lee Seokmin, an opposite hitter who’s proven time and time again that he’ll go wherever Jacob needs him to, do whatever Jacob wants him to. And that’s exactly what he does.

Mingyu bumps the ball towards the net and just when they think Jacob’s going to set it, he swaps places with Seokmin. The hitter gets beneath the volleyball and pushes it off the tip of his fingers, watching as Jacob perfectly times his jump to smack it with the palm of his hand. It’s something the two had only ever practiced a handful of times, but knew it would come in handy when everything was right. The entire interaction is flawless, and the captain’s spike lands, scoring that final point that IST needed to win the set and the game.

Just like the previous game, Jacob doesn’t even register the roaring cheers from everyone around him until they’re throwing him and Seokmin up like they themselves were volleyballs. The team is going insane, hyping up the crowd and running around the court like children. A sense of pride swells in Jacob’s chest, a crinkly-eyed smile nestling on his face like the fondness of a father.

They continue the joy-train all the way into the locker room. Jacob showers and throws on some gray cargo pants, pairing them with a black half-zip jacket. Most of the team was going to the end of semester party tonight, treating it as a post-celebratory reward for their big win. It was still so surreal for the captain. All of the pressure that had been riding on him the entire season, the strive for being someone bigger than himself. He’s grateful it paid off.

Meanwhile, you were damn near ripping your hair out, nerves eating away at the edges of your stomach like you were with the skin around your nails. After a taxing week of final exams and the anxiety of wanting to see Jacob Bae again to clear any bad air, you found yourself at the TBZ end of semester party along with Haeun and Minjee. You were thankful that your life was intact, Haeun’s irritation simmering into something a lot more bearable.

Though just a smidge pissed off that you didn’t do your research, she wasn’t as mad about the whole break of girl-code incident. She got off of your back a little too easily, though, so you were still waiting for another strike. You couldn’t help but feel as if she was planning another form of action.

You’d been at this party for at least an hour, and the attendance was double that of last week’s. They weren’t kidding when they said this was the party of all parties at IST University. You were starting to think that maybe Jacob really was going to avoid you like you were the Black Plague or equivalent. Why else would he not be at one of his own parties? Wasn’t it, like, a requirement for fraternity members to make an appearance at the things they hosted?

Being friends with Haeun really screwed everything up for you. Not only did you have to sleep with one eye open, but also keep your distance from just about every male on campus out of fear that she fucked with them, too. Why did it have to be Jacob Bae? Why couldn’t it have been someone more douchey, more up her alley? He was way too sweet, way too cute for someone of her kind. He deserved someone that could hand him the world. (Not that you were insinuating that it was you, but even you knew you were a better person than Lee Haeun.)

And as if a higher being truly existed, your prayers are answered in the form of Jacob Bae walking through the front door. A gaggle of partygoers surround him and the group of guys he’s with, including some of the fraternity brothers. You faintly hear whoops and hollers over the near deafening music, everyone patting them on their backs. Most of the attention is on Jacob and his gorgeous smile, though.

“IST U’s pride and joy! National volleyball champion, Jacob-fucking-Bae,” Lee Hyunjae wolf-whistles, shaking him around like he was maraca.

Jacob laughs, looking down at the floor to shy away from all of the eyes on him. He’s glad everybody is pleased with his accomplishment, but really all he wants to do is find you. He’s still not 100% sure you’re even here, but he has high hopes that maybe you were into him as much as he was with you. Now that he’s free of both volleyball and schoolwork for a while, he can take his time getting to know you better.

You psych yourself up to go over to him once his audience has parted and gone back to whatever it was they were doing prior to his arrival. A grimace consumes your features as you knock back the cup of jungle juice in your hand, blowing a raspberry. Minjee gives you a smile of encouragement, like she knows exactly what you’re about to do.

However, someone beats you to it. You watch with bated breath as Haeun flips her hair over her shoulder, her heels clicking on the wooden floor all the way up to Jacob. The sight of another girl talking to the guy you’re interested in has never made you as ill as it does right now, her glossy lips pouted and her hands clasped behind her back.

“Heard about the big win, Jakey,” she smiles almost evilly, calling him by a nickname that he hasn’t been called in months. “Wanna claim your prize?”

Jacob knows what she’s doing. It’s obvious. Haeun saw the two of you together last week and now she’s pretending that she gives a shit just so she can feel like she’s the one in control. He’s seen this scene too many times to fall for it. He pokes his cheek with his tongue, hands shoving into the front pocket of his jacket.

“Don’t you have someone else that you can bother, tonight? I’m spoken for.” He shrugs, stepping around her. Okay, so perhaps you’d only had one conversation together. That was enough for him. He doesn’t have to search far or wide for you, a grin replacing his deadpan once he sees your face. “Hi.”

“H-Hi,” your voice comes out unsteady. “I— uh— wh— well, I kinda thought you were avoiding me.”

His eyebrows quirks up. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m friends with your tyrant of an ex-girlfriend and I’m a horrible person for still wanting you,” you begin to ramble, playing with a strand of your hair. “And then you weren’t here.”

Jacob laughs, pushing your hand down and tucking the same piece behind your ear. “I don’t really care that you’re friends with Haeun. Honestly, no one’s ever *really friends with her. It’s hard to stand a person who’s that insufferable. And I’m on the volleyball team. Tonight was the championship game, which is why I was late.”

“So you don’t hate me and want me to die?”

“I could never.” He shakes his head, taking one of your hands into his.

“If that’s the case, then can you show me how to properly enjoy a frat party?” You trace patterns on his palm.

“I’ll be so real with you, Y/N, even *I don’t know how to do that,” he snorts. “I’m not a Tau Beta Zeta member, so I guess that explains it.”

“Woah what?” You gape at him. “This entire time I thought you were…”

“Nah, I’m just friends with all of the guys here. I might as well be, but I’m not. Frats are stupid to me,” Jacob leads you out of the living room and into the kitchen to get himself a drink. “Though, I don’t think they’re that bad anymore.”

As he’s reaching for an empty cup, a thought crosses your mind. It’s bold, but you don’t have the willpower to force it away. “You know, you didn’t get to show me what would happen if you succeeded in sweeping me off of my feet.”

He pauses what he’s doing, turning to glance at you over his shoulder with dark eyes. Are you saying what he thinks you’re saying?

“And something’s telling me you were extremely successful.”

*Fuck the drink, Jacob thinks to himself, dropping the cup in favor of whisking you away. He pulls you into the nearest empty room, which happens to be the downstairs bathroom. From one second to the next, you’re pinned to the door, both of your wrists firm in his grip. He’s so close that his nose nudges yours, lips only a hair’s breadth from your own.

“Should’ve known you were dangerous from the get go,” he breathes, the distance between you driving you crazy. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

A gasp escapes you, your eyelids fluttering shut. This was pure insanity. Before you can complain about the lack of contact, Jacob’s mouth is on yours, lips moving against yours so skillfully and so roughly. He takes your wrists into one hand, holding them above your head while the other slips beneath your top. His fingertips burn into your skin and you don’t hold back the whine that sneaks out from your chest.

You pull back for air, sighing when his kiss travels down your neck and focuses on your collarbone. It’s not enough, you need to feel him everywhere. Your pulse is racing and you’re sure he can feel it when he leaves a trail of nibbles and kisses along your jawline. They travel south, paving their path on what’s visible of your jugular and sternum.

There’s a haste of fingers roaming and lips exploring. This was uncharted territory for, seeing as you hadn’t been in a situation like this since moving schools. If there was anyone you wanted to get down and dirty with in the bathroom of a frat party, it was Jacob Bae. His free hand wanders under your skirt, a knuckle running along your clothed, but damp, slit. You both hiss.

“Already so wet for me?” He asks you smugly, the curve of his smile carved into the space where your ear meets your neck. You don’t have the patience to power through any teasing.

“Need you so bad, Jacob,” you don’t like the pitchiness of your voice, or how you’re pretty much begging right now. “Wanna skip the foreplay.”

Jacob grins almost wickedly, kissing the tip of your nose. “So ready and so eager for me. Your wish is my command, sweetheart.”

He doesn’t waste any time getting you out of your clothes, starting with your top and then shoving your skirt past your thighs. You kick it off and move to help him. His jacket comes off in one fluid motion, giving you the perfect display of his muscular back and toned abdomen. All of years of volleyball came to fruition in the form of his godlike sculpted body.

You drag a nail through the valley of his abs, unbuttoning his cargoes and palming him through his underwear. He curses under his breath, forehead falling to your shoulder. You may very well be the death of him, he decides. When he’s finally had enough, he swats your hand away, removing the briefs so he can give you what you so graciously asked for. He pumps his length a couple times before guiding the tip to your entrance.

Jacob hooks one of your legs around his waist, pushing your panties to the side so he can slip into you carefully. You don’t even stop the moan that breaches your vocal cords, back arching off of the door and your chest pushing into his. The stretch burns slightly, but not nearly enough to interrupt the pleasure coursing throughout your body. There’s a fire in the pit of your stomach that he fans the flames of the deeper he sinks into you, lips imprinted into the skin of your neck.

His fingers burn the skin of your thigh where he holds it up, slowly pressing his cock into cunt and sliding out as soon as he bottoms out. You’re dizzy, so dizzy that stars have begun to form behind your eyelids and he’s only just started. He rocks into you at a meticulous pace, the blunt nails of his other hand digging into your hip to keep himself composed.

He wants to take his time with you first. He wants you to feel every ridge and vein of his cock as your walls squeeze him in. He wants the feeling of the two of you connected to be engraved into your brain, a memory that nothing could erase even if it tried. Your head knocks against the door when you crane it to give him more access to the column of your throat, whining when he sucks marks into the surface.

“F-Fuck, Jacob,” you whimper. “Feel— god— feel so, so stuffed.”

You practically hiccup your words, overstimulated with everything that’s going on at once. It’s too much. The way he nips at your skin. The way he groans every time you clench around him. The way he’s *buried into you like you were the only source of warmth he’ll ever get. It’s too much, but it feels fucking fantastic.

“Yeah, baby? Am I fucking you good? Giving it to you like no one else can?” He exerts himself, his lips slipping on the thin sheen of sweat coating your bodies. All you can do is moan again, bucking your hips into his to minimize the gap between you as much as physically possible.

His cock is just the right balance of girth and length, filling you up and hitting the spots you need him to. Your sanity falls through the cracks with every click of his hips into yours. He *is fucking you good. He *is giving it to you like no one else can. It didn’t even take him long to figure out what you liked, using that knowledge to his advantage so he could ravage you.

You’re too lost in the pleasure to notice the coil in your stomach curling to the point of snapping. With each ram of his dick in your pussy, he winds you up more and more until it breaks in half. You see nothing but white for a few seconds, spots of various colors bleeding into it. A sound so far away from you bursts out from its home in the back of your throat. Your orgasm coaxes out his, painting your walls with milky ropes and a moan of his own.

The two of you pant breathlessly, lips brushing as you attempt to calm down. Jacob pinches your side, kissing you once before pulling out and letting go of your hip. “Do you have the energy to give me one more? I don’t think I’m finished with you just yet.”

You let out a guttural groan, nodding and colliding your mouths in another desperate kiss. Your fingers run through the strands of his hair, tugging at the nape of his neck as he transfers you to sink. He spins you around, bending you over the counter and pecking your shoulder as he eases his cock back into the velvet of your pussy.

You’re both still sensitive, sighing at the feeling of a second intrusion. He grips your hip and presses down on your lower back just as he speeds up the pacing of his thrusts. Instinctively, you hike up a knee onto the counter, wanting him even deeper and even harder than previously. Heat pools in that same spot at the base of your abdomen, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

“Look in the mirror, sweetheart,” he grunts, throwing his head back and tightening his grasp on your waist. “Want you to watch me fuck you stupid.”

You wail, eyes heavy lidded as you witness Jacob plowing into you from behind. It hurts, the fact that you can’t even convey into sounds how amazing it feels. They’re all trapped in your chest and throat, begging to be set free. You wish they could bounce off of the walls, reverberating in your ears. Your cheeks are wet from the tears that have spilled over. You look like a mess with your makeup smeared and your face puffy. Anyone who saw you after this would know exactly what went down in this bathroom.

Jacob doesn’t slow his assault, instead hovering over and trapping you beneath his broad frame. He drills into you deeper, harder, faster— and oh god you don’t want him to stop. You think he’s making good on his word, fucking you so insanely stupid that not a single thought occupies your mind. All there is, is Jacob Bae and the deliciousness of his cock wedging itself further into your cunt like he wants to live there.

“You’re taking me so well, baby. So so well,” he coos, your back curving into his chest.

Your elbows might give out from supporting your weight and now Jacob’s too, especially with how empty your head is. You don’t really have the consciousness to keep yourself up. It’s at the point where the mirror has started to fog, a blurry image of him abusing your pussy in your line of sight.

He knows you’re on the brink of an orgasm, your walls spasming slightly in warning. He pulls out enough to flip you onto your back, pushing in and resuming where he left off. His thumb sneaks down to your clit, rubbing in precise circles with precise pressure. Despite there being no mirror covered in steam in the shape of your bodies in front of you, your vision is still hazy. You can barely see the expressions Jacob makes, his brows knitting together and lower lip between his teeth.

You pull him down to connect your mouths, whining into him as he continues to fuck into you like there wasn’t a whole party still going on on the side of the door. Your knees are folded to your chest, allowing his cock to kiss all the way inside of you. “I’m— fuck— so close, Cobie.”

“C’mon, baby, you can cum for me,” he goads, applying more pressure to the shape he’s drawing on your clit.

One particularly timed thrust and the bumping of his pelvic bone on the sensitive bundle of nerves tips you off of your peak. Your climax washes over you, tidal waves of pleasure cresting at full force. You moan loudly, the rippling of your walls triggering Jacob’s own release.

He pulls out gently, for the final time. His chest rises and falls rapidly, in sync with yours. You’re both exhausted, spent from going at it like jackrabbits— as if you’d never get the chance to do it again. You meet eyes and then burst into laughter, your hands coming up to cup his cheeks.

“That was… Wow…” You breathe, moving some of his hair from obstructing his eyesight.

“I always follow through with my promises, you know,” he wraps his arms around your waist. “So, what do I get now that I’ve wooed you?”

You press the hints of a kiss to his lips. “An exclusive all-access pass to me, my phone number, and the rights to ask me out on a date whenever you please.”

Jacob smiles that crinkle eye smile of his, knowing full well that he plans on cashing all three of those right now. He may have not been the biggest fan of fraternities or their parties, but he sure as hell loved them at this moment in time.

He thinks he was a winner in more ways than one that night.

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[lxkeeeee]

「GUNITA」 Scaramouche x GN! Reader —memory, recollection

synopsis: thunder rumbles in the distance, soft pitter patter of rain hitting the cold cement sidewalk, the reflection of the street light can be seen on the puddle forming everywhere. Two strangers sharing an umbrella as they wait for the bus the cold evening winds making them shiver—this specific scene ignites a warmth feeling—a memory perhaps?

genre: Reincarnation Au, fluff with angst if you squint

warnings: curse words, mentions of death and trauma (past life)

Scaramouche groaned in annoyance as he has been waiting underneath the large tree by the street—waiting for the bus, it has been hours since his shift at the cafe ended, the sun had already set hours ago and he can see dark grey clouds starting to form.

“shit, I forgot to bring my umbrella.” he mutters underneath his breath, cursing himself for insisting it wouldn't rain today.

Kazuha had already left awhile ago as both of his moms picked him up, he offered him a ride home but he insisted that he would be fine in just taking the bus and in which the latter respected his wishes and bid him farewell.

He scoffed at the memory, deeply regretting not accepting the offer—he puts on his headphones, taking out his phone and eventually choosing a song—come inside of my heart by IV of SPADES started to play, and shoving his hands and along with his phone into the pocket of his dark black pants. Scaramouche didn't really like listening to romance songs but he just decided to give this song a try since he kept hearing it on social media.

As he stood there, under the night sky filled with dark and thunderous clouds, headphones blasting with music, he's getting more annoyed by the second—He could just call his aunt to pick him up but he prefers not to see the smug look of Nahida that she was right that it was gonna rain and he insisted it would not due to how sunny the morning was.

He felt a soft tap on his shoulder, then another and another.

“unfuckingbelievable.” he grumbles under his breath, “Good thing both my phone and headphones are waterproof.” he mutters to himself as he felt his clothes starting to get wet—his loose white polo shirt starting to have wet stains from the rain, thunder can be heard in the distance.

You gently rearrange the flowers that was displayed on the windows, watering them to their required amount, you passed by the glass door of the shop and you flipped the open sign to closed. You smiled to yourself, proud of the accomplishment you have done for the day.

Your eyes traveled to the numerous plants inside your shop, a warmth feeling in your heart to see them grow so healthy and beautifully. You gently removed your gardening gloves and put them to where you usually store it, a small bead of sweat trailing down at the side of your face—quickly using your arm to wipe them off.

“Alright, it's time to close the shop.” you mutter to yourself.

On Sundays you worked at your very own flowershop and during Mondays until Saturdays you worked at your clinic—specifically a vet and during that time you have workers doing your work at the flowershop and you'll take their shift during late afternoons. You just love growing your own flowers and vegetables and be able to sell them to the people and watch their eyes glint in awe and admiration for something that your very hands grew—it fills your heart with pride and joy.

You grabbed your bag—along with your phone, wallet, umbrella, and keys before eventually closing the shop, your eyes noticing the dark grey clouds forming and eventually seeing soft pitter patter of rain hitting the ground. You smiled softly to yourself, “At least the plants outside can get water.” before opening up your umbrella and began walking towards the bus stop. Their shoes making small taps against the cement sidewalk, their eyes occasionally looking the ripples in the small puddles created by the rain, the street lights casting a shadow over their body as they passed by multiple buildings. Their eyes landed into the big tree where the bus stop sign is at, “They seriously needed to build a small waiting shed there.” they mutter to themselves before their eyes landed into...a person?

They thought to themselves, eyes squinting to get a better view, the person was soaked—their once loose white polo shirt has been completely wet to the point they can see the undershirt underneath it, their hair dripping wet and is that a headphone?

They winced, the person looked like they've been there for awhile now.

You sighed to yourself as you slowly approached the the male with your umbrella in hand.

He didn't seem to notice you, his eyes closed and you can hear the song that was playing on his headphones.

Is he asleep? You thought to yourself, feeling pity for the guy before eventually sharing your umbrella with him, the rain finally stopped hitting the male and started to hit on the soft rubber material of the umbrella.

Your eyes continued to examine the guys features and you would be lying to yourself if you didn't find him attractive.

He has been here for archons how long, he stopped caring that he got wet a few minutes ago, he decided to get lost into the music as the rain continued to pour, some of his dark indigo hair getting into his face.

Alam mo ba kung pano nahulog sayo, naramdaman lang bigla ng puso¹ the singer of the song he was listening to sang, he just got lost into the moment. He got lost in his thoughts when suddenly the soft taps of the rain hitting his body stopped, at first he thought the rain had stopped pouring but he knew it didn't as he could still hear the tapping of raindrops hitting something rubber?

He opened his left eye and his soft indigo eyes finally seeing a person standing next to him sharing their umbrella.

Usually he would grumble in annoyance or perhaps curse at the person if a stranger did this but surprisingly he did not, his eyes scanning the feature of the person next to him—finding familiarity in those [e/c] eyes of theirs and how they looked at him in concern and for a brief moment he felt warm despite the wet and cold shirt he was wearing that disgustingly stick into his skin.

He wanted to know that the stranger knew that he acknowledged their presence, “Thank you.” he softly mutters, briefly surprised by himself before eventually managing his cool.

You nodded at him as you continue to hold the umbrella between the two of you.

Isayaw mo ako, (Trans: dance with me,)

Sa gitna ng ulan mahal ko, (in the middle of the rain my love,)

Kapalit man nito'y buhay ko, (in exchange for my life,)

Gagawin ang lahat para sayo, (I would do everything for you,)

Alam kong mahal mo na rin ako. (I know that you loved me too.)

There was oddly familiarity in this scene and unknowingly both of you knew that, de ja vu perhaps?

Both of you stood so close to each to share a single umbrella, his cold wet sleeves against their own dry ones, he mutters a soft “Sorry for that.” and they just replied with “Don't worry about it.”

Scaramouche just nodded before he felt himself slowly get lost into the music again and [y/n] noticed and they just smiled, “I'll tell you when the bus comes.” and Scaramouche just nodded.

As he closed his eyes, a memory flashed into his mind.

“Archons it's starting to rain.” a familiar person says and he just rolled his eyes as he noticed their glinting [e/c] eyes staring at his hat.

“No [y/n] sweetheart, I am not going to share my hat.” he scoffed and they just whined as small pear shaped items started to form as the rain hit the green jewelry on their hip.

“Please, please, pleasee I'm starting to create bloom reactions and it doesn't hurt much but it's pretty annoying.” they whined and the harbinger just rolled their eyes, “Ugh this bitch, you're lucky I love you.” he mutters in annoyance as he urges the other to shelter under his large hat.

“I love you too, Kunikuzushi.”

His eyes snapped wide open, as his soft indigo eyes immediately landed on to the stranger next to him their hand typing away on their phone and the other holding the umbrella. He can recall that both the person in his memory and the one outside his mind are the same person. He can feel his heart thumped loudly against his ribcage.

Your eyes left your screen—[e/c] eyes against soft indigo ones.

The male can feel his mouth drying as he felt a certain longing for you, his heart arched unexplainably. Why is he reacting like this to you? A mere stranger sharing their umbrella to him.

Despite the words he just said on his mind, he knew that somehow and someway both of you knew each other, both of you were connected with one another.

He wants to say something but they might think he just lost his sanity while waiting for the bus for god knows how long and speaking of bus where the fuck is it? It's been like 2 hours already—it was actually just almost an hour.

“Is there something wrong?” you asked as you noticed the male staring at you for some time now, you didn't mind it though—actually you do mind because who wouldn't mind if an extremely attractive person was staring at you? But despite that, he somehow looks familiar, you feel your heart tugging it's strings telling you something. The way it ached as you admired his features, everything about him look so familiar as if you've met him years ago.

Archons your voice is so smooth, he noted. He swallowed the lump in his throat and you noticed how his adams apple bobbed up and down. “Sorry, I got lost in thought. I just thought that you kind of looked familiar despite just meeting for the first time.” he says, voice hoarse as he felt his heart thumped very loudly against his chest. “Sorry, I know it's weird but why do I have a feeling that I somehow knew you?”

Oh great and late barbatos, this man is so fine, you thought to your head before giving the man with a soft smile. “No worries, I get it. I've been getting that feeling when I saw you too. Like I've known you for awhile now.”

Scaramouche smiled, accidentally surprising himself the second time during that day, “My name is Kunikuzushi but usually I go by Scaramouche.” he introduces himself and you nodded, heart thumping as you heard his name—it sounds so familiar, a certain longing in your heart, an urge to just embrace him but you shook away those thoughts as you opt to smile at him, “It is a pleasure to meet you Scaramouche, my name is [y/n].”

Scaramouche's eyes widen when you said your name, warmth enveloping his body, heart thumping wildly against his ribcage. Hearing you say your own name brought so many emotions in him. He wants to hold you and never let you go again. He felt like he had lost you before but now he found you once more.

“It is also a pleasure to meet you [y/n].” he softly says and they nodded, his soft indigo eyes landed on their hand that was holding the umbrella. “Would you like it if I hold the umbrella?” he asked and the other just shake their head, “It's fine, I can handle it.” they say and Scaramouche shook his head, “Please let me, it's the least I could do.” and [y/n] sighs before gently giving the male the umbrella they were holding. Scaramouche held the umbrella and made sure both of them didn't get wet from the rain, the winds making both of them shiver. In the corner of his eye he can see the other typed away on their phone—he just looked away to respect their privacy.

A few minutes have passed and still no sign of the bus arriving.

“My friend is about to pick me up in a few minutes, do you like it if you want to hitch a ride with us?” the other spoke softly, there's just something about the two of them under the rain sharing an umbrella that feels intimate or maybe Scaramouche is going insane.

He shakes his, “Thank you for the kind offer but I prefer not to wet your friend's car seat.” he says as he gestures to his really wet clothes. The other just looked at him in guilt, “Sorry, I forgot.” they say and he chuckles, “Fret not, I can wait a few more minutes and if push comes to shove I'm gonna ask my friends to pick me up.” he says and the other just nodded, “If so, please take my umbrella. I don't want you to stay underneath the rain. It might make you sick.” they say.

“Thank you, I'll return it to you. May I perhaps ask for your number so I can schedule when I could return it and also perhaps if you want to get dinner sometime?” he asks, uncharacteristically hopeful for a mere thing as a phone number but fuck it.

Scaramouche noticed how the other's face turned a shade of red underneath the street light and he silently chuckles, not knowing with his own blush coated cheeks.

The other nodded and their hand immediately scrambled to their pockets to look for your wallet—your long and slender hands found it and began to look for a specific card.

“Aha!” you cheered softly and Scaramouche could just chuckle at your excited self, he watched as you handed him a card, his eyes scanned the letters—and it was a business card, filled with your name, number, email, social media and shop address.

He smiled before taking out his phone—you watched him type your number and see him typed and sent a message to it. Your phone dinged, you opened to see an unfamiliar number.

09×××××××××: hey, this is scaramouche.

You quickly saved it and gave the male a smile. “Let's go out for dinner next time.” you winked and it made the other blush lightly and you chuckled despite the loud beating of your heart and the warmth of your cheeks.

Somewhere around the the distance you noticed a familiar car approaching where both of you stood.

“It seems my ride is here, are you really sure don't want to give you a ride?” You asks and the other just nodded, “Yeah, I think I'll be fine.”

The car halted on where you stood and the car window slid down and to reveal a familiar Funeral Parlor Director.

“Yoohoo! What a bunch of wet kittens you two are.” the brown haired female said and you rolled your eyes at her, “Hey, Hu.” you greeted and the other just wink, “Hey,hey!” before closing the window again and the click of the car door can be heard.

You turned to look at Scaramouche, “Text me once you get home okay? And please be safe.” You say not really wanting to leave him alone in the rain.

The other just smiled, “Same as you, do text me if you got home safe.” and you nodded.

Scaramouche carefully guided you towards the car door, making sure you didn't get wet, you waved goodbye to him and he let a small wave in return.

His soft indigo eyes watched the figure of the car slowly disappears into the distance.

A few minutes later a soon saw a bus approaching where he stood and mutters underneath his breath, fucking finally.

Scaramouche was annoyed it took a goddamn sweet time to get here but it was eased up since he got to meet you.

He closed the umbrella before he boarded the bus, the conductor just giving him a side eye and he just deadpans before choosing a seat at the back.

He mindlessly scrolled through his social media before a ding can be heard and a notification appeared at the top of his screen.

[y/n] : I got home safely, how about you? Are you still waiting for the bus?

Scaramouche smiled before typing a reply.

[Scaramouche]: don't worry, the bus arrived a few minutes you guys left.

He typed and sent and another ding can be heard a few seconds later.

[y/n] : thank archons, please get home safe&lt;3

Seeing the heart symbol made his flutter, he shook his head before typing his reply.

[Scaramouche] : I will, don't worry. I'll talk to you later&lt;3

He typed and sent and another ding can be heard.

[y/n] : alright! Travel safe. See you later!

Scaramouche smiled before turning off his phone as he continues to listen to some music.

a/n: omg I'm so proud of this oneeee, I might make it into mini series of what the two would usually do when they hung outtt and I might try making it into a smau a little bittt. But anyways there's probably another part for this. THIS HAS BEEN BASED OFF ON SOMEONES IDEA [the one tagged]

tags: @baelloraa

⊰᯽⊱┈───── ✧ ─────┈⊰᯽⊱

reblogs are appreciated&lt;3

[gravesphillip]

could i make a request for graves? ^^

reader is not the military and when graves have some time off they go camping and do all the "caming stuff" together and exploring things. and then they have sex outside <3 and so fluff...i need graves fluff

i love your writing so much!!!! ive never made a request b4 so i donno how much details u need

-shy anon who likes to lurk

Campgrounds // Phillip Graves

warnings: general smut, fem!reader, boring ass plot, just pure fluff. if I missed any lmk!

an: i love this request! please make sure to mention if the reader is gn, female, or male next time too!

this was honestly a big flop to me, but I hope someone enjoys this 😭

having a husband in the military gets lonely sometimes, boresome even. yawning occasionally, stuck at home with noone nothing to do. noone to talk to.

even if you were to message him, he wouldn't be able to see it until later that night, –in which you'd be dead asleep. awakening to replies you missed saddened you.

you don't even know how you two managed to marry. even if you don't see him often, you never felt regret for anything you've done with him. you still loved him, very dearly.

when he did get time off, it was about 1-2 month long breaks before he had to leave again. you two would usually stay at home, just appreciating the time you had received with him.

everyday was the same old, same old. answering his late night messages, having to wait until the next day to then do the same thing.

but, one day was different. earlier that day you had asked him when he had another period of time he could go home. waking up to multiple messages from him rather than just 1 or 2.

you could feel his excitement through the text. he had invited you to go camping when he did come home. the change of scenery may help your cabin sickness. his response also included when he would be home.

May 21. Start packing up, we'll leave after I arrive home.

it was the 19th. you couldn't wait, you needed to start preparing for when he does come home.

packing up your clothes and whatever remained of his. grabbing the essentials for a camping trip: bug spray, towels, deodorant, food, drinks, and, your tents of course.

carrying the 2 heavy dufflebags, huffing all the way towards the door before dropping them in relief.

leaving 2 outfits for the 2 days you had to wait for him. all you had to do now was wait.

—

waking up to your annoying alarm, set to 10:00 AM. rubbing your eyes and yawning.

hes coming home today. you need to get ready to leave soon. hopping up from your bed, putting on your shoes and coat. normally, he always gets home near 12 PM.

you had already had the outfit you were wanting to wear for today, the 21st, on. from the night before, hoping to buy some time for the morning.

making yourself a quick breakfast, constantly checking the time anxiously.

your thought broken by 2 loud knocks on the door. sure that it was him. after of weeks of not seeing him face to face, it was kind of nerve wracking.

walking up to the front door, turning the knob until the door swung open towards you.

"Phill.." he was past the doorway within an instant, bringing you in for a kiss. his hands on your hips full of desire.

"we need to get going, not now.." you mumbled under the full kiss. Phillip grunted, nibbling on your lip before pulling away.

graves personal campground he has had for years wasn't very far. it would just be a 60 minute drive there.

caressing his shoulder, maintaining eye contact with him. you haven't seen him in so long, you needed him so bad. your heart was racing, but you had to wait.

moving your hand down to the dufflebags, wincing in how heavy they were as you lifted them up.

"need help, sweetheart..?" he cooed, rubbing your strained back.

you let go of one of the dufflebags, alot of weight releasing from your arm. able to manage it now. Graves picked up the one you dropped, carrying it with ease.

andd out the door you two go. the whole drive there, a familiar hand was resting on your thigh, never leaving until you got to the grounds.

taking quick glances of him, he looked so fucking handsome. lips slightly parted, the scar on his face highlighted, his well groomed hair sitting on his head. not to mention, the best part of him– his eyes. you could ramble on for ages about how perfect he was made.

pulling into the gravel road, the big letter "G" for graves plastered on the property. still as beautiful as ever, never once flawed since the first time he brought you here. it had a nice forest behind it, and some medium sized hills within it.

as he parked the car up by the main area where the tents go, you looked around. there was a shed for the required camping items and emergency kits.

"ready, baby?" Graves spoke, rubbing up your arm. startling you, you jumped turning to him. "sorry, yeah." the weird body response earned you a puzzled look before he chuckled it off.

turning off the engine, he patted your thigh before opening the car door and getting out. following his actions, heading towards the back doors.

clicking it open, pushing it up, you grabbed one of the dufflebags. Graves, did the same walking up to the area. he plopped the bag down before unzipping it and pulling the tent out.

unfolding it, getting the sticks together. he had it up in a matter of no time. by the time he turned around, you were too, done putting yours up.

"well.. choice is yours," holding his arms up around him. "–you decide what we do first. obviously the bonfire will have to wait until later." looking behind him, towards the mountains, he took the hint at what you wanted– a short hike.

–

the hike took way longer than you thought. only 45 minutes in, but almost to the top of the hill, thank god. you debated turning around but phillip insisted. it's a time killer, so why not?

you began thinking about later tonight, if maybe you wanted to make a move or not. heat growing between your legs. you don't know how much longer you could wait, but you had to.

not seeing him in ages took a toll on you heavily. he pointed to pretty flowers you two had spotted, commenting on them and comparing them to you. you could feel the tension between you two.

sweat dripped from your forehead, onto the cheeks then off. the mountain was larger than you had expected, looking from it afar in the car set a false set of hope for you.

graves tossed a rag back towards you, to wipe your face and attempt to cool it. obviously, didn't work. "when are we getting back..?" you gulped, tugging at your hot layers sticking to your skin.

"we still got all day, doll." he said, annoyed by your impatience.

"we do this every year, oh my godd-" quickly shortened by a cough from the heat exhaustion you suffered from.

"I guess we can head back. It'll be around bonfire time when we do get back." he said, glaring at his watch, just hitting the 5 PM mark.

–

you watched as graves stirred the logs around in the pit, attempting to get a starting spark on it. the sun had just starting setting, the purple, dark sky had been flowing up mixing with the suns ray.

"its pretty, huh?" phillip whispered from the pit, finally getting a light. blowing on it a couple times with an easily flammable object, safe to say he got it going!

assuming he was talking about the sky, you nodded slowly turning your focus back at him. "we'll wait until the fire is only coals before making s'mores." you could feel his presence approaching closer, grasping your waist softly.

he littered kisses on your neck, laughing at the sudden affection, almost puzzled. "not outside, phillip.." your response coming out more like a whine than anything.

nuzzling into your neck, "noone can see us, we are covered by the forest." graves shuffled on the ground covered by a thick blanket underneath him that you had set down earlier.

he pulled you down, inviting you into his lap. settling your legs over his thighs, stretching them apart to fit over him. pulled chest to chest by him, his breath hitting your cold skin sending shivers up your spine.

his hands explored your thighs, testing your limits. finding way to the hem of your shirt before making eye contact with you. the piece of fabric slowly lifted up exposing your bra comfortable on your chest. he tugged it over your arms and head tossing it by the campfire.

graves met your neck with his lips, suckling on it. bound to leave hickeys. his hands moving up towards your breast, lifting your bra with the back of his hand while slipping up into it. soft sighs left your throat by the sudden intrusion.

your nipples grew hard by the gust of cold flying into your bra as well by his cold large hands. gripping his hair, gently yanking it as you used it to grind up against him. clothed sex hitting right up on his bulge, almost protruding from his pants restraining the monster.

"need it.." desperately spoke as both hands wandered down to his belt. his tongue still doing wonders on your neck, leading up to your jugular vein. biting down softly as you leaned away with a pained grunt. your hands finally able to unbuckle the clip before pulling it out of his pants straps.

the belt was nowhere to be seen within 2 seconds of unraveling it. Graves finally got off your neck, "I missed you so much, baby.." hearing his low, southern, lewd accent made a small puddle form between your legs, rubbing them together from it.

he was too, quick to remove your bottoms before you were only sat on his lap in only your panties, eventually pushing them to the side before playing with yourself for a bit. unbuttoning his jeans, pushing it so the tent under it can get a bit of relief.

your hands slid into the hem of his boxers, guiding them to be sat under his balls as his almost-full-erect cock sprung up. looking down at his half lidded eyes as his thighs squirmed under you. dragging one finger down the middle, picking up some precum. wrapping your whole hand around it, jerking it multiple times causing him to thrust up in pleasure. "i- shit.. need to fuck you..."

sighing at the sight of him commanding, you lifted yourself up above the tip. rubbing your folds across it, both glistening with slick mixed together. his hands got grasp of your waist again before pulling you down impatiently. a synced whine came from both parties before you were half full if him.

a tear built up in your eye from the burning pain that you felt when he first ever took you. it was a good kind of pain, you loved him so fucking much that you didn't care. pushing yourself up again before thrusting yourself back onto him.

"god, you drive me so fuckin' crazy." he spoke before digging his nails into your hips, beginning to thrust his bottom half into you like a rabid animal. there was no sounds besides the fire crackling, moans & groans, and the sound of you two connecting.

clenching quickly, you realized his snuck his thumb below, rubbing fast gruesome circles into your clit. "fuck- if you keep that up ill-" a sob interrupts you as you fell into his shoulder. your legs growing numb, but still keeping a consistent pace.

"c'mon, cum for me, sweetheart.." his pace too, becoming undone and sloppy. it didn't take much longer until you took your last thrust, cumming in sync with him. your head falling up back again as you arched your back until both chests met.

sitting there for a bit, he kept inside you, "s'mores?" he said grinning a stupid grin, trying to break the silence. you just laughed while burying your head into him once more.

"I love you so much, sugar."

"I love you too."

SUPPPEER late, im sorry but there you go..!

[amnesiacsleepy]

Alright so ive had time to think about it and I believe I finally realize why TotK's Sage system is so much more annoying to use than BotW's champion abilities (spoilers for TotK btw. i mean its been a month+ since release but yeah)

When you get a new champion ability in BotW, it's mapped to an appropriate button, or is the next best thing. Daruk's protection is a forcefield that is passively on the shield button, Revali's Gale is an updraft on the jump button, Urbosa's fury is a charge-attack upgrade in the attack button, and Mipha's Grace is a fully passive heal that functions like a fairy except it's a full heal.

All of these powers are set to their own button, making them intuitive to use. This even applies to the Master Cycle, which is a rune, which is a completely separate button, the L button.

In TotK, however, none of the abilities the sages have are passive. You have to run over to them, press A, and then you can use it (in Yunobo's case you have to press a AGAIN which really disrupts the flow of gameplay). The closest comparison I can make is Persona 4 using awful menuing and scrolling a bunch to Persona 5's use of unique buttons, except they did this backwards.

This doesn't even mention when you want to use one sage's ability, but end up using another one because they all go if fighting enemies even if you dont want them to. I genuinely have not used Riju's lightning strike since finishing the Lightning Temple despite how god damn strong it is.

None of this even touches on how much of a one-man army Link is, especially after grabbing a full set of attack up armor. The sages become borderline irrelevant (minus Tulin, he's AWESOME).

Even when you get a fucking mech that you can fuse thing on to like flamethrowers and rockets its still not worth losing the flurry rush and other faster and straight up better attacks you can do off the mech, which also takes battery power and you can still take damage on. And if you use it to get over gloom/lava then a hoverbike is just more convinient for how cheap and fast you can make them.

Something else I have a problem with is the Sage's Will system which essentially lets you deepen your connection with the sages for four per sage. This is supposed to mirror BotW's Champion's ballad quest, where you go around the map collection emblems for each champion and then getting a faster recharge tike for each, which I have my own problems with, but thats for another time.

Each sage bond you deepen increases their damage. That's it. It doesn't enchance their abilities at all, which is a real disappointment.

They could have made Sidon's water shield last longer/for three hits, to closer mirror Daruk's Protection. Riju's lightning could have become a fusion to your arrows, Tulin's gust could have blown farther, and Yunobo's could have created a bigger explosion or have him roll faster. But then, I guess the Sages would have had to become stronger themselves, which maybe that's future DLC? But we don't know now so I'm not giving the benefit if the doubt.

As for how to fix it, Sidon's could be just a bonus to your shield like Daruk was. Riju's could,as previously mentioned, been an arrow fuse with a cooldown.

As for Yunobo and Tulin, I'm not as sure. But instead if forcing them onto a button, why not just... make the buttons reprogramable like in OoT, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Minish Cap, Wind Waker, the Oracle games, A Link to the Past, A Link Between Worlds, and MORE.

Why Nintendo did away with the reprogrammable buttons system is beyond me, but being able to put a specific rune/weapon/sage ability/throwable material/zonai devine/etc. would make things a lot more manageable.

The kicker is, there's already a SUPER watered-down version of it, with the rune, shield, weapon, and bow buttons. You cant swap what's on there in the sense you cant have multiple weapons or runes, but you CAN choose which one is used when you press the buttons.

But then we need to figure out which buttons would be reprogrammable, and I propose that first we swap the jump button to A like in so maby other games. Does it screw up muscle memory? For sure, but by doing this we can have Y, X, L, R, D-pad Up, D-pad Left, D-pad Right, and D-pad down as reprogrammable (you can manually put in whistle too I guess). This would free up a bunch of space for the player to put things, and allow for a bunch of freedom on what is put onto the reprogrammed buttons. To change them, you coukd just go into your menu and choose from there, whether its a weapon, a sage ability, or anything else mentioned above.

I'm not completely certain this would solve all the problems the game has, but I do think it would be a huge QoL. Maybe too big, they might have to make that system in a whole new Zelda game in like 15 years.

[sortagaysortahigh]

Hi I was just wondering if you are still gonna write the last part of sex education or if it’s not gonna happen

Dont send me no asks about sex ed when i already said my piece on it. Yall goin get what you get and stop sending me passive aggressive asks or yall not getting shit

Ive been on a hiatus bc of life and medical issues which was already said. Not to mention before that the writers block + lack of motivation bc intrinsic motivation only lasts so long and yall do not interact w writers past a singular like.

I already said it was in the works. If you dont wanna wait any longer ok cool dont and unfollow me or simply do not interact with my blog and my content. Ive been getting a ton of passive aggressive ass asks that i dont answer bc yall are fucking annoying, like truly. I dont give a damn if yall like my writing or not, im not a damn robot here to write for you constantly and if ive already explained where im at w the sex ed series multiple times why the hell are yall still sending me shit like this.

I write what I want to write. If i want to continue the sex ed series I will, Ill write it and post it when I see fit and when I have time to do so. Stop sending me and other writers on this hellsite asks like these before yall never get shit else.

[jeromefart]

ok heres my jedi survivor thoughts. and let me preface by saying i am incredibly excited for this game and will be buying it once i get a ps5. i will be saying negative things but i honestly do not care that much and i am 100% in love with everything we’ve seen from this game so far

i think that the walk run and sprint animations are a little scuffed. the run animation in fallen order wasn’t great, but now all the movement animations look off. i hope this is something they fix.

i honestly like the map system from fallen order. its a star wars holo map!! its fun and interactive!! it is hard to see exactly whats happening, but i think having to adapt to it improves the immersive experience. because most maps in star wars are holo maps, and if you were in the star wars universe, that’s what you’d be using.

some people complained about it being more open world, but i love open world games. i doubt they will be empty and i know they will be filled with tons of secrets and small details. fallen order is a game about exploration. you are meant to explore each corner and complete your map. you are meant to find secrets. and even without treasure chests, it’s still rewarding. each thing you scan has a small blurb about it. each echo you hear is part of a larger story. its honestly an incredible concept. its so unique and works so well for detail oriented people who like to search for a story and find answers instead of being told everything. it’s rewarding when you get every echo in a category. then you can read back and learn the lore of animals, planets, characters, and the galaxy. fallen order is a massive game, and survivor is going to be even bigger.

(a side note: ive put hundreds of hours in breath of the wild, and while very open and immersive, it tends to fall short in the rewarding category. there are 900 korok seeds hidden throughout the game, where you do small hidden minigames. at the end of collecting them, you get a useless collectible item. its useless and while it’s meant to be funny as it is a pile of shit, it’s just annoying. so comparing korok seeds to force echoes is very eye opening. because you actually get a sense of gratification out of getting to listen to an echo from the past, rather than shooting a bullseye or putting a rock into a hole)

i really loved the progression in fallen order. you go through a path, and then unlock a shortcut back. so later on, you can breeze through shortcuts to get to certain locations. the lack of fast travel made sense in some aspects. they wanted to keep it grounded and realistic, like with the holo map i mentioned. with the shortcuts, it didn’t take long to get to one area from another. but where the issue arrives is that its still super tedious, annoying, and hard to remember where each path leads. it’s immersive, but too immersive. i had to use a guide to get through zeffo. it was a massive planet that you return to multiple times. and 100%ing it was a NIGHTMARE. it took me a week. with that said, the addition of fast travel in survivor is exciting. it could be said that it takes away from some of the immersive factors of the previous game, but honestly? it is going to be life changing. gone are the days where im tearing my hair out running in circles trying to backtrack to the place that has 99% completion (well, maybe i’ll still have this problem).

i feel like this goes without saying, but i am in love with cal’s design. he has grown so much since fallen order, and i just adore how rugged he looks. i was unhappy with his appearance in the teaser trailer, but i kept my hopes up with the action figure illustrations. thankfully, his design is perfect. his outfit is so nice and im excited to see the customization.

this isnt really worth mentioning but let’s talk pricing. 70 bucks? fine. games are expensive nowadays. but the 20 dollar expansion pack that only includes cosmetics? honestly insane. it’s just luke and han inspired outfits, i think? the r2 bd skin is cute but other than that, it’s a waste of money imo. that is 90 fucking dollars!!!!!

the combat is exciting. i loved the split sabers in the previous game and it’s going to be so fun to use them more. the combos look effortlessly cool and ive rewatched cal twirl around his blades and throw them a million times now. it is hot. double saber gameplay looks cool too. i loved using it in fallen order even though it’s wide ranged attacks with less damage designed for attacking groups of enemies. so seeing it used on singular enemies and turned into a full usable form rather than something to switch to for a specific scenario is really nice. the crossguard saber looks cool too. some people were hating but i dont know why? i think a claymore style saber is really awesome and i have played some games with that attack style and it is actually what i prefer next to long range stuff. i love long range.

and speaking of long range, cal has a blaster. we havent seen him use it yet, but im excited. and i would not be surprised if it has little functionality. i have a feeling it will be used more for interactions with the environment than combat. im annoying when i play games and if you give me a long range weapon i will take out everything i can from as far away as possible. playing stealthy is super fun. so i will probably do that in survivor. hell i do it in fallen order. i abuse the shit out of the lightsaber throw move

lets talk CHARACTERS!

first, cal kestis. i love him 💕 he is gorgeous and im obsessed w his new design as i mentioned previously. it seems like hes going to be struggling with the dark side and justifying his actions as the fight against the ever expanding empire worsens. the way cameron has described all of this has me very excited. i loved the part in fallen order where he directly faces his trauma. it was so powerful and it really resonated with me. i almost cried tbh. anyway im super excited to see what happens next!! i love cal :))

the mantis crew. we don’t know much about what theyre up to, but im sure theyre all doing fine. it was expected that theyd all branch off and find their own purposes in the galaxy. looks like cere is building a jedi archive or something. and somehow greez let cal fly the mantis, maybe hes settled down in his home planet? or he gambled his life away LMAO. and merrin never planned on permanently staying with the mantis crew. shes probably back trying to rebuild dathomir and the nightsisters or something.

bode akuna. he seems cool and im very excited to see what hes like! it looks like him and cal form a bond despite their differences, like brothers in arms. the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? everyone hates the empire, so they are all united through that. yes, i do ship him and cal, but im trying not to be too crazy about it and wait til we see more. anyway, i like the buddy ai thing that they’re going to do with him. its bound to be pretty cool.

the mystery man played by cody fern!! ok, i need to share this because i think its funny. so when the trailer came out and it was confirmed that cody fern is playing him, i looked him up and learned he was in ahs. i was already a casual fan but had only seen 3 seasons, so i watched apocalypse. big mistake. i got super hyperfixated and binged the rest of the seasons (haven’t seen death valley and nyc yet tho). but it was worth it honestly. cody is super cool and watching his role in apocalypse got me super hyped. he plays a great villain!!! i have been saying this forever, but i want him and cal to have homoerotic tension. michael and another character (the one played by evan, i think his name is gallant?) have the most homoerotic tension ever. i mean, some of the dialogue is literally “are you gay?” “would that excite you?” i mean. COME ONNN.

[laurelnose]

Very New to your blog and the posts are probably way old but I saw you do Witcher Biology (??) rants sometimes and Id love to hear your take, if you have one, on what monsters (namely "naturally occurring" ones like draconids and insectoids) contribute to the ecosystem if anything and whether or not they should be hunted into extinction. I was discussing it w/ a friend last night after dealing with Iocaste, the last silver basilisk, and now its smthn I'm Invested in

re monster ecosystems: I just figure theyve probably found a niche in the world by now and can eat anything smaller incl. humans but because theyve got no natural predators aside from eachother and arent hunted by anything but witchers , monsters are just breeding and eating and wldnt that damage the land? or have they made their own like, circle of life or whatever ? Ive little knowledge on the subject as a whole but the whole thing intrigues me

hi & extremely belated welcome, anon! my apologies for the length of time you’ve been waiting for this answer; I had to think carefully about how I wanted to respond to this ask, because: there’s a lot going on here. also, because I am a disaster, I ended up posting it to ao3 first while I was avoiding tumblr for a spell and then completely forgot to come back. oops. i’m sorry!! This one’s about 5000 words long, which is a lot for tumblr, so reading on AO3 may be preferable.

-

The two main thrusts of your first ask (how do monsters interact with the ecosystem and should they be eradicated from the Continent) are questions of invasion ecology, the study of non-native/invasive species and their effects on the environment. Monsters, having arrived on the Continent about 1200 years ago during the Conjunction of Spheres from entirely alien dimensions, are indeed technically non-native species!

However, invasion ecology is…somewhat controversial, to say the least—there are a lot of invasive species, who have a lot of different & complex impacts, and a lot of different ideas about what we might do about any of this, and it’s basically all arguing all the time, so I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to approach the topic. Not to mention that for reasons I couldn’t initially put my finger on, it seemed wrong to apply theories of invasion ecology to the Witcher monsters. We’ll get into it! There are also a couple of common misconceptions/oversimplifications of how ecology works in your second ask which I want to unpack. Hopefully I pulled this together into something that makes sense, and feel free to ask me for clarification!

Some important background facts:

Species have always been moving to and “invading” new places on their own; humans and globalization have accelerated this process into a Big Problem, as the sheer number of invasive species being introduced all over the globe strains ecosystems already under pressure, but “native ranges” are always shifting, sometimes more dramatically than you might expect. If you go far enough back in time, all species are “non-native”.

Because of this, the very definition of “invasive species” is hotly contested. This is why you’ll hear dozens of terms like introduced species, injurious species, naturalized species, non-native species, etc.; these all have slightly different connotations, but all refer to a species that did not originate in a particular location.

An introduced species is usually classified as “invasive” as opposed to “non-native” or “naturalized” if its presence significantly alters the ecosystem it invades; some people define this more narrowly as a species that causes harm to an ecosystem. “Harm” can take a lot of different forms, as every non-native species interacts differently with the ecosystem they were introduced to.

Aside from various potential impacts to human economic activity, most forms of ecological harm by introduced species involve the decline of native species, by a variety of mechanisms; invaders might eat natives, outcompete them for food, interbreed with them, carry novel pathogens, etc. Invasive species are primarily a threat to biodiversity.

Now, here’s my Hot Take:

The Conjunction of Spheres is analogous to real-life ecological cataclysms such as the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event, and thus monsters are not invasive species.

The Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event saw the extinction of 75% of all species on Earth after the Chicxulub asteroid hit, including the non-avian dinosaurs. The Earth has had several disasters like this, of varying severity—the Great Oxidation Event killed almost literally everything on Earth except for the cyanobacteria who caused it. These cataclysmic extinction events completely upended existing ecosystems, altering habitats beyond recognition and leaving swathes of niches emptied of life that the survivors could evolve to exploit.

The most recent Conjunction of Spheres on the Continent is supposed to have thrown everyone living on the planet at the time into chaos and darkness; it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that the interpenetration of multiple spheres caused mass extinction of species living in the pre-Conjunction environment, similar to Chicxulub or the GOE!

But Socks, you might say, evolution works on a massive timescale! It took millions of years to fill the niches left open by Chicxulub, but it’s only been 1200 years since the Conjunction of Spheres! And you are absolutely right*, but the Conjunction of Spheres canonically came pre-loaded with new species. We actually have no proof that any of the animals we see originated on the Continent: if humans are a post-Conjunction phenomenon, why not also dogs? Why not bears? Who’s to say any of those were actually there before-hand? (The elves, I guess, but as they have not, actually, said so, there’s no proof!!)

* FTR, 1200 years is a shockingly short period of time to go from cataclysm that plunged the world into darkness and chaos to functioning medieval-era society considering how long it actually took humanity to build 13 century Europe (horses had been domesticated for at least 3000 years by that time), even if we’re not assuming that most of the ecosystem was destroyed, so, my timeline concerns here are minimal, lmfao. TIMELINE WHAT TIMELINE.

…and actually now that I think about it the three options for the origin of dogs are a) elves or dwarves domesticated them, b) humans brought dogs with them during the Conjunction, or c) dogs have existed for less than 1200 years, and I refuse to accept that dogs are practically a new invention in the witcherverse, wtf.

Anyways: we really have no idea which species are truly “native” to the Continent, or what the physical environment was like prior to the Conjunction. While monsters are not native to the Continent, monsters are also not invasive—there cannot be decline of pre-Conjunction biodiversity or harm to the pre-Conjunction ecosystem because there is no pre-Conjunction ecosystem anymore.

should monsters be hunted to extinction?

So, the thing is, I think we should try to eradicate invasive species from non-native ranges if we can; the biggest problem with that is feasibility, not morality. It’s much more difficult than one might think to eradicate an invasive species once it’s established, and we have to be very careful that the methods we choose don’t have other impacts, but invasive species are a huge threat to the biodiversity of Earth! If monsters are invasive species, then the answer is yes, they should be eradicated from the places they are not native to.

(Notably, on Earth this kind of eradication is not the same thing as extinction; it would be a local extinction, or extirpation, where the species is totally wiped out in the places it invaded but still exists in its native range. This does get way more complicated if the invasive is already extinct in its native range.)

However, I have just outlined a possibility that would make it plausible for monsters not to be invasive species. Let me also outline why I prefer this interpretation. Here is a book conversation between the sorcerer Dorregaray of Vole and Geralt:

“Our world is in equilibrium. The annihilation, the killing, of any creatures that inhabit this world upsets that equilibrium. And a lack of equilibrium brings closer extinction; extinction and the end of the world as we know it. … Every species has its own natural enemies, every one is the natural enemy of other species. That also includes humans. The extermination of the natural enemies of humans, which you dedicate yourself to, and which one can begin to observe, threatens the degeneration of the race.”

“Do you know what, sorcerer?” Geralt said, annoyed. “One day, take yourself to a mother whose child has been devoured by a basilisk, and tell her she ought to be glad, because thanks to that the human race has escaped degeneration. See what she says to you.”

–The Bounds of Reason, ch. 6

This is a, uh, incredibly unsubtle reference to a debate that has been ongoing for decades; Geralt’s stance here is one of the key arguments in opposition to wolf and bear reintroduction. What do we do about large predators that may pose a threat to humans? How do we balance preservation of the ecosystem with the safety of people who have to coexist with these predators?

I can’t fully agree with Geralt, because large predators are integral to the ecosystem, which I value for its own sake and because humans depend on healthy ecosystems. But I can’t fully agree with Dorregaray either, because Geralt is right: human life is valuable and worthy of protecting. This is an issue that India has been running into in the past ten years; as their tiger conservation efforts yield fruit, people become more likely to encounter tigers, and thus more likely to have a bad encounter with a tiger. It’s become a political struggle as rural people who have to actually live with the possibility of a tiger attack come into conflict with urban conservationists who just really want to preserve tigers (& in some incidents, some of those conservationists have been Western, which is a whole additional level of fuckery). The fact is, there isn’t a good answer to this yet! We certainly should not drive tigers, wolves, or any other large predator to extinction, but we also have to figure out a way to keep people safe. It’s something humanity still has to wrestle with.

Under this framing, which CDPR reinforced when they chose to have the Count di Salvaress defend Iocaste as an endangered species while making significant provisions to minimize the damage she could do to human life, there’s far too much baggage attached for me to say yes, monsters should be hunted into extinction. If you’re going to make monsters analogous to wolves, of course I do not think we should get rid of monsters entirely!

And frankly, Geralt doesn’t think so either, despite his hardline stance about monsters that eat humans. Sapkowski isn’t exactly an anti-conservationist; though Dorregaray is shown as out of touch in this passage, at another point the narrative sides with him calling Philippa out on exterminating a species of ermine for her fur collar, and it’s consistently put forth that Geralt’s best quality is that he doesn’t want to perform violence for the sake of it or destroy things without cause, and one of the representations of that is that he refuses to kill endangered species even at cost to himself:

“What should I say about you, who rejects a lucrative proposition every other day? You won’t kill hirikkas, because they’re an endangered species, or mecopterans, because they’re harmless, or night spirits, because they’re sweet, or dragons, because your code forbids it.”

–Eternal Flame, ch. 2

If monsters and other post-Conjunction creatures are invasive species, the nuance in this conversation is flattened, and Geralt’s refusal to kill mecopterans and hirikkas becomes a flaw rather than a virtue. Boring! I also think that one of the strongest themes in the witcherverse is the idea of all monsters being human ills; wraiths are manifestations of hatred, necrophages multiply because of human bloodshed, cursed ones are created out of malice, mages like Alzur and Idarran of Ulivo go out of their way to straight-up create monsters from scratch*, etc. Iocaste attacks humans and takes livestock because the traditional prey of the silver basilisk, roe deer, has been extirpated by human destruction of their habitat. The aeschna in Blood of Elves attacks humans because humans have altered and polluted the flow of the Pontar, hunting the aeschna’s previous food (seals) to extinction. The true monster is the actions of humans. Monsters that appeared unbidden from another dimension into a previously functional ecosystem to invade and cause problems undermines this theme; monsters that are integrated into the ecosystem and subject to the same social and ecological forces as other animals supports it.

* Idarran’s “idr” monsters from Season of Storms absolutely should be eradicated. Did the world not have enough man-eating arthropods, Idarran? Did you really have to mutate horrible new ones and release them in populated areas?? Mages are a scourge, lmfao

Additionally, one of the biggest reasons I felt like I couldn’t actually apply invasion ecology to monsters was that, whether you accept my Conjunction theory as sufficient biological justification for this or not, monsters just don’t really behave like invasive species. It’s hard to explain this because the setting is pretty brief about its ecological details, but aside from the fact that the narrative frames them like just part of the ecosystem of the world, there are never any details like “that type of flower doesn’t exist anymore because giant centipede tunneling destroyed the soil they needed to grow in.” When monsters are the aggressors, their victims are always humans, not the environment or other animals, and again monsters are themselves often treated as victims of human actions.

So I say monsters aren’t invasive species!

Which means that monsters are, regardless of their strange origins, now a part of the Continent’s ecosystem just as much as bears and wolves.

So let’s talk monster ecology.

what do monsters contribute to the ecosystem, if anything?

So, the phrase “contributing to the ecosystem” is actually super loaded, and I want to unpack that before we go anywhere else. Ecosystems are made up of organisms, and organisms interact with and impact ecosystems, but they don’t necessarily contribute to ecosystems! The implication of “contribute” is that it is possible for an organism to not contribute, and it follows from there that some organisms are not useful. This is functionally nonsensical, and also dangerous.

Conservationists talk a lot about “intrinsic value,�� which in this context is the idea that we should want to keep species around just because their existence is valuable! Biodiversity is intrinsically valuable. This is important, firstly because I do believe that all species are intrinsically valuable, but also: ecosystems are so enormously complicated that we do not know the full extent of any species or individual organism’s impact, and we can’t predict what the consequences of removing any given species might be. Treating all species as intrinsically valuable is hedging our bets. All organisms affect the ecosystem, because it’s impossible for them not to, and while some species definitely have outsize impact, none of them are “not contributing,” and frankly even if some of them weren’t, it would be the absolute height of human arrogance for us to decide we could tell which ones were useless when we barely even know what most species eat. Mosquitoes are the base of the entire goddamn food chain, and you still get assholes claiming they don’t “contribute anything.” Of course, most people don’t really mean all of these implications when they use the phrase, but I don’t find it useful to talk about what species “contribute,” and avoid using that language if I can!

What I assume you mean by “what do monsters contribute” is a combination of “what roles might monsters play in the ecosystem” and “are monsters actively harmful to the ecosystem, i.e. do they cause loss of biodiversity?”

And this is difficult to answer! As I’ve said, I don’t think monsters are invasive species, and thus don’t harm the ecosystem, though we know that monsters can be harmful to humans. However, when it comes to the role they do play in the ecosystem, there isn’t enough in canon for me to do more than wildly speculate! Also, there are so so many of them, and the role of a hirikka is going to be wildly different from that of a draconid.

Just offhandedly, most of the big predatory monsters can be assumed to fill the same roles as Earth’s big predators, one of the big ones being overpopulation of prey species, which has ramifications throughout the ecosystem. Some of them are canonically ecosystem engineers, or animals that physically alter their environment (think beavers); for instance, shaelmaar and nekker tunneling. Additionally, the big insectoid colonies can’t be relying solely on naturally-occurring caves for their homes; they’ve gotta be constructing some stuff themselves. These tunnels can be repurposed as habitat for other organisms, from giant centipedes to sewant mushrooms. Necrophages, like corpse-eaters in our world, likely limit the spread of diseases from decomposing flesh (and really wouldn’t be as much of an issue if everyone would stop, you know, doing war and mass murder, lmfao). Arachasae use tree trunks and organic plant material to conceal themselves, which is likely contributing to plant reproduction in a few different ways—but the arachasae decorating essay is a different topic that I swear I will finish one day oh my god—

…anyways, feel free to ask about any specific monsters or niches if you’re curious, but if I tried to go into detail with every single potential niche/ecosystem service all of the monsters we know of might fill, we would be here all day!

Let’s talk about a couple specific things you brought up in your second ask.

> theyve probably found a niche in the world by now and can eat anything smaller incl. humans

I mean…maybe! That is, yeah, they’ve definitely settled into niches by now, but feeding is way more complicated and interesting than that.

For instance: orcas can eat basically whatever the fuck they want—orcas are fully capable of bringing down everything from fish to seals to gray whales to great white sharks. But they don’t. In the Pacific Northwest, the resident orca pods almost exclusively eat salmon, while the transient pods largely feed on seals. Orcas are kind of an extreme example, but this is something called resource partitioning and it’s a big part of how animals limit competition with one another and what enables lots of predators to coexist in one place!

We see a big fuck-off dragon thing and we assume that it’ll eat anything it can fit in its mouth, and definitely some predators work like that. But just because an animal is technically capable of eating something and deriving nutrition from it doesn’t mean that it will. Silver basilisks made roe deer the staple of their diet before the destruction of beech forests meant they had to turn to humans—which is a pretty specific dietary restriction when there should be multiple species of deer running around, not to mention everything else a draconid could be killing! And given how many types of draconid there are…I have to assume there’s some kind of resource partitioning going on to prevent them all from conflicting with each other! For instance, if basilisks prefer roe deer, maybe forktails prefer wild goats, while wyverns are mostly kleptoparasitic (stealing other predators’ kills).

And of course, not all monsters eat humans at all; harpies steal from and attack humans, so they’re a dangerous nuisance, but they don’t seem to eat them. And in the books Geralt mentions plenty of monsters which are totally harmless.

So yes, there are lots of things monsters could be eating, but it would strongly depend, and there’s a lot of interesting places one can take monster diets! Netflix decided their strigas only eat specific organs, leaving the rest of the body untouche, & I love that for her. More monsters that need a particular kind of nutrition that leads them to take only specific body parts from some kills!

> because theyve got no natural predators aside from each other and arent hunted by anything but witchers, monsters are just breeding and eating and wldnt that damage the land? or have they made their own like, circle of life or whatever ?

Absolutely—invasive species whose populations rapidly increase once they’re away from their natural predators cause the decline of native species, often by eating natives directly or competing with natives for resources. And in fact, even native species who become overpopulated can seriously damage the ecosystem (see: white-tailed deer in the United States, whose overpopulation has such negative ecological effects that some people argue we should classify them as invasive, even though they have definitely been here this whole time).

However, even if we grant that monsters are invasive, it’s a little more complicated than that for a few reasons!

Despite the apparent preponderance of them in the witcher games, most monsters are supposed to be strongly on the decline, like witchers themselves. Geralt’s profession is falling out of necessity; human development of the Continent is going to be the biggest suppressing factor in monster populations in the future. Monster overpopulation is just canonically not a problem in this universe! But even in the scenario where the Inevitable March Of Civilization isn’t threatening monster populations, there are a lot of factors that could and would limit monster populations.

(TL;DR for this next part: yeah I definitely think they’ve figured out their own little circle of life—the term you’re looking for is ecosystem equilibrium, btw!—& I’m going to take the next 1.2k to talk about how.)

For starters, predation is only one among many limiting factors that affect populations & prevent them from ballooning out of control:

food availability: If there’s not enough food, there’s not enough food! It also matters how adaptable the animal’s diet is—silver basilisks moved from deer to humans, but if the eucalyptus went extinct koalas would not switch to eating cycads.

illness and parasites: Some people argue these are more important than direct predation for limiting populations, and I am often inclined to agree. Basically, if a population becomes very dense, illness and parasites spread more quickly, creating a natural limiter on how many animals can live in any one place. The greater susceptibility of some individuals to illness or parasites also winnows down populations. Non-native species often escape a good portion of their native diseases by moving to a new range—however, given how fast bacteria and viruses evolve, 1,200 years is a pretty decent amount of time for new diseases to arise. Also, just going to drop a link to my treatise on monster parasites here. It’s gross, mind the warning at the start of the post.

mate availability: If only a certain percentage of the population is actually able to reproduce, that’ll eventually bring the total number down. RIP Iocaste’s boyfriend 😔

territory/shelter availability: Animals need a certain amount of space and certain types of spaces to survive, and space isn’t infinite! It again depends on how adaptable an animal is; rats find ways to thrive nearly everywhere, but pandas can only live where there’s bamboo. If there’s not enough space to hide from predators, reproduce safely, store food, and avoid adverse weather, the population again limits itself naturally.

natural disasters: Wildfires, drought, flooding, tsunamis, storms, etc. pick off significant portions of wildlife populations. Disasters are sporadic rather than directly linked to population like most of the other factors but these periodic blows to population and the other impacts of fire or flooding are often integral to the ecosystem (see especially: fire regimes and fire ecology.)

Now let’s talk predation & monsters! (Genuinely, I think predation is one of the most interesting things in ecology; people tend to simplify it down to things eat other things, which—yeah, but there’s so much more going on there!)

First, I wouldn’t underestimate the effects of monsters eating other monsters! Even if it’s rare for a draconid to snatch up a nekker and carry it off, the threat of a draconid doing so can have dramatic impacts; researchers found that just playing the sound of dog barks on a beach stopped raccoons from foraging for crabs for over a month after the barking stopped, leading to an increase in crab populations, even though no raccoons ever encountered a dog. This is called the ecosystem of fear (which as a term is metal as hell) and it theorizes that just the fear of predators can lead to chronic stress for prey animals, decreasing reproduction and making them more susceptible to disease. Maybe draconids in Toussaint eat only a few dozen nekkers a year, but that might cause thousands of nekkers to have fewer offspring or fall to disease. When it comes to ecosystems the direct effect is usually only a small part of the story!

Second, when we talk about a species not having natural predators, we’re usually talking about an animal that would have a predator back in its home range—lionfish, for instance, have plenty of predators in their natural range (the Indo-Pacific), but no natural predators in their invasive range (the Caribbean), so invasive lionfish, suddenly freed of a limiting factor, can run amok. However, a great white shark has, aside from orcas (who do not actually eat white sharks, they’re just assholes sometimes) and occasionally other white sharks, more or less no natural predators anywhere once it reaches maturity, and that’s fine! Lack of predation of great white sharks did not cause their populations to explode and consume the ocean. White sharks are limited by other factors.

So: it is possible that wherever draconids originated (and it’s entirely possible that “draconids” came from multiple different places, tbh) there was something bigger that preyed on them, but it’s not unreasonable to assume they were also apex predators in their previous dimension (I mean…look at them), and that adult draconids were never really preyed on by anything else! It isn’t necessarily an issue for there not to be predators of certain monsters on the Continent.

(Though, of course, we also shouldn’t forget that most apex predators are prey when they’re young—baby white sharks are snack-sized for a lot of fishes, and bear cubs and wolf pups are similarly vulnerable. Based on the size of the eggs you see in TW3 draconid nests, a basilisk is hatched around the size of a little dog, which is the perfect size for small, ballsy predators such as wolverines to sneak into a nest and snap them up—predators such as more wolverines or raptors like eagles and hawks might also come directly for the eggs.)

When it comes to smaller monsters such as nekkers, who likely weren’t apex predators in their original dimensions and would thus be subject to that lack of natural predators—there are usually specific reasons why prey species manage to avoid predation in their introduced range. Lionfish confound Caribbean predators because lionfish are covered with huge poisonous spines that Caribbean predators don’t know how to deal with.

Drowners, on the other hand, are basically just man-shaped fish; they don’t have any adaptations or defenses that would really stump a bear or a wolf. Again, bigger monsters are still probably checking the populations of smaller monsters no matter what, but there’s really no reason a bear couldn’t figure out how to eat a drowner! Unless a monster has a unique defense (e.g. scurver spines), is actively distasteful to eat (rotfiends, probably), or is just difficult to take down (nekkers in packs), most of the non-monster predators* on the Continent will have incorporated various monsters into their diet by now, or suppressed monster populations indirectly with the threat of predation or by competing with them for food. It has been over a thousand years, which is nothing evolutionarily but is still a decent period of time for mammals, who pass hunting techniques down to their babies, to figure out how to eat ghouls—especially if we’re considering that the Continent’s mammals may also be a result of the Conjunction and would thus have to have been just as adaptable as the monsters to establish themselves. And I’ve also actually talked before about how wolves specifically might be preying on necrophages!

* For reference, the non-monster predators are, considering the Continent is more or less Europe, most likely lynxes, brown bears/polar bears (in Skellige), wolverines, foxes, badgers, and a variety of large birds of prey.

So—yes, if monsters were truly overpopulating, then that would damage the ecosystem. However, canon tells us they are definitely not doing that, and there are also many factors that would prevent that from happening!

(Though I will say that some of the reasons white-tailed deer are overpopulated are that we got rid of cougars and wolves and human development creates a lot of extra habitat of the type that deer like. Given that we know many of draconids are for sure in significant danger of going extinct, and the trajectory that Europe’s wolf and bear populations followed in real life, it is possible that the Continent will have to contend with an overpopulation of some of the smaller monsters at some point as they continue to try to eradicate the larger predators, both monster and non-monsters—you think the drowner problem is bad now, wait until the bears are gone and city development has tripled the number of sewers. Yet another of those humans-make-monster-problems-worse things I am fond of in the Witcherverse!)

…whew. that was a lot of words. In conclusion: ecology is really cool & there’s a bunch of ways monsters can fit into it!!

[wienerbarnes]

On My Mind

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,490

Warnings: fluffy first date vibes, mentions about pregnancy and infertility, overall not angsty tho

A/N: sorry for the long wait yall! ive been super slumped with class and other organizations im apart of and work and yea :) thank yall for understanding<3

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

A metal finger pokes your side as you re rack the weights you’ve used during your workout in the gym. You look at Bucky through the window in front of you as he’s seemingly finished his own workout as well. The two of you don’t work out together, his routine that’s fit, for, well, a super soldier, is much too much for you, but you still arrive together and leave together.

“I have a surprise for you.” Bucky says, as he begins to walk backwards, encouraging you to walk with him.

“What’s that?” You ask as you approach the doors of the gym, exiting out into the hallway.

“I’m taking you out tonight.”

You giggle. Because the thought sounds hilarious. Until you realize he’s not laughing with you. “What are you talking about, Bucky?” You ask, smile dropping into a serious frown.

“It’s been over a year and a half since you’ve been here; over a year and a half since you’ve died. I think it’s time.” He tells you.

“Bucky, I don’t know. Don’t people follow you around? Take pictures? I can’t have my picture taken.” You tell him. The only person you really let take your picture is Bucky. You haven’t seen all of them, but you know he’s got hundreds of random pictures of your face in his camera roll. Some of them include him, some of them don’t, some are of you asleep, some are of you cooking, some are of you naked. Besides the point.

“Trust me. I’ve got the perfect spot. Dress cute for me tonight, yeah? You always do.”

…

It takes what feels like hours for you to decide what to wear. What does cute mean? Fancy? Casual? Business casual? Should you wear colors? Bucky wouldn’t take you somewhere where you can’t wear colors.

You decide on a dark green midi dress, small yellow and burgundy flowers covering the dress in a pattern. The thin straps sit on your shoulders and your tattooed leg slips through the slit on the side as you slip on a pair of brown platforms. Atop you slip on what’s probably the only black piece of clothing you own besides what’s been given to you here at the tower; a black denim jacket, one that Bucky got for you because you gave him that bright orange top that one time and it was time you have something of his style.

You almost regret shaving your head realizing as you look in the mirror just how much attention is now brought to yourself. As if dating Bucky Barnes wasn’t enough.

Sooner than you’d hoped, there’s a knock on your door and Bucky’s arrived, a casual dark button down shirt tucked into black slacks, leather shoes on his feet and he looks delicious. A mix of the young man from the 40’s and the modern soldier of today. The brooding, intimidating man wearing slightly high waisted slacks that are only missing a pair of suspenders. Goth and gentlemanly all the same.

You don’t miss the large bouquet of flowers in his hands, flowers of every shape and color and you gasp in surprise. “Did you think I wouldn’t bring my date flowers on our first date? You look beautiful. As always. Are you just about ready?” He tells you confidently, suaveness dripping from his voice as he looks at you lovingly. He can tell you’re nervous by the way your clammy hands take the flowers and you frantically look for a vase to put them in. But he’s not nervous. He actually doesn’t think he’s been this excited to take a girl out, ever. Maybe it’s been a while, but he thinks it has more to do with the fact that it’s you he’s going out with.

The drive to the small restaurant isn’t long, and on the way Bucky explains to you the small Italian place he grew to love as a teenager, the restaurant now run by the grandchildren of the original owners.

Upon entering the restaurant, smells of garlic and basil flood your nostrils and look around to see the place… empty. There’s only one other small family in the corner of the room, a younger couple with a child that couldn’t be older than five or six.

A teenage waitress leads the two of you to a table far enough away from the other family for some privacy and you have to ask Bucky if this place is actually as good as he says it is.

He laughs, “The place is just more popular for takeout, is all. Trust me, baby.” You can’t argue after being called the sweet pet name as you take your eyes off your boyfriend to skim down the menu.

Soon enough orders are placed and the two of you enjoy a comfortable silence, munching on the bread that was brought to the table. A loud, joyful giggle draws your eyes to the other family in the room, parents looking lovingly at their child as they seemingly recount some story of their day.

Multiple thoughts run through your head watching the little girl, her smooth skin, thick hair put up in tiny pigtails, her body covered in a pair of pink overalls and a glittery top underneath. Something your kid would be dressed in. Your kid.

Bucky’s words interrupt your thoughts but not your stare, “Do you ever think about it?”

“Think about what?” You reply, watching the girl rip at the bread in her small hands, sticking pieces of the soft middle bit in her mouth as she continues talking.

“Having a kid.”

You pause before answering truthfully, “Never. Until right now.”

“Never? At all?”

You finally pull away your stare before you’re caught, “Well, no one really thinks about kids when they're a teenager. And even then, I was poor growing up, so all I saw when thinking about a baby is how much I couldn’t afford one. And then when I joined the Marines, I figured… I’d die. Die with some honor for some stupid cause and that’d be it. And then in Hydra, well, I really thought I’d die there. And then when I got out… I suppose I never thought that I actually do have the chance now. I mean I have the safety of the tower, I have a full fridge at all times, access to medical care…” You trail off.

“I shouldn’t get ahead of myself; I’m not even sure I can have kids what with all that Hydra did to me - all the shit they pumped into me.” You pick at a piece of bread in the basket in front of you, not noticing the color drain from Bucky’s face.

You brought up a fear in him he never thought about. Can he have kids? Did the serum affect him in that aspect? If he did get someone pregnant, would the baby survive? With some kind of serum in them from him? He remembers hearing about so many other soldiers being given the serum and dying, not being able to handle the chemical changes. If grown men and healthy soldiers died from it, how could a baby survive?

“Do you?” You break his thoughts.

“Do I, what?” He asks, trying to mask the sudden fear from showing on his face.

“Think about it?”

“Constantly. I have since I was a kid.” He tells you, and your mouth drops in amused shock.

“A kid?!” He’s glad you seem to be past the thought of not being able to have kids because your carefree smile and amusement at the thought of ten year old Bucky taking care of his younger sister and wanting a kid of his own is enough to calm him down.

“I took care of my sister all the time. I think I liked her more than she liked me, I was always trying to drag her to hang out with me, teach her stuff, and she always just wanted to play with her dolls.” He laughs, thinking of all the time his little sister would grow annoyed at all the time he wanted to spend with her.

The smile on your face is bright as you watch him recount his childhood memory, but he sees the slight sadness in your eyes; he knows you were an only child. The food arrives and interrupts him before he can say anything about it, Thank you’s echoing from the couple as two plates of lasagna are placed in front of them.

A few minutes of silence goes by as the two of you begin eating away at the full plate of pasta and meat sauce. “For the record, I think you’d make the most fantastic mother.” Bucky tells you, and you pause the fork in the air and look up at him, not expecting him to tell you that.

“Thanks.” You tell him simply, appreciating the comment more than you think he’ll ever know.

[mooswords]

It’s all coming back

Pairing: semi eita x reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Tags: war au, minor character death (mentioned), angst

Ramblings: i think ive peaked with this fic. i also cried multiple times writing this but like... thats nothing new sklajsdbk. thank you to lyra for beta-ing and yelling about this with me every step of the way <3

---

The summer breeze sweeps through the valley, warm air bringing little relief from the afternoon sun. You can feel the sweat dripping in familiar discomfort down your back as you pull at the weeds invading your struggling potato crop. It’s mind-numbing work, but it has to be done. Anyway, you’re almost-

Your name is yelled, loud and panicked. Tsutomu’s stumbling form is running towards you. 

“There’s a man,” he pants. “There’s a man coming up the hill.”

“Is it Tadashi?”

“I don’t think it’s him. He-” Tsutomu throws a look over his shoulder, like he can see through the house and fences to remind himself what this man looks like. “He’s got a sword I think.”

“A soldier?” you breathe, the stone in your stomach dropping lower. Your shoulder aches. It’s still healing, a lingering reminder that soldiers are nothing but bad news. It’s been nearly a year since the war ended, but they like to ignore that fact. 

Through the summer haze, you can see a blurry figure trudging up the road winding up to the house. Even at this distance, you can tell it’s definitely not Tadashi.

“Kei and Hikota are further out," you tell him, eyes still set on the figure. "Go find them and stay in the barn together until I come and get you, OK?”

“But-”

“Tsutomu. Go.”

The mystery figure is nearly at the house by the time you make it out the front door, shotgun in hand. Now you're closer you can see the ash-grey hair, the sword swinging at his hip. At this distance, you can also see the nervous smile on his face. Reluctantly, you lean the shotgun against the door jam.

He stops a few respectful paces away, and you let your eyes flit over him scornfully. “You’ve got guts, showing up here again.”

Semi winces. He knew not to expect a warm welcome, especially with how he left, but he hadn’t expected this. You don’t look the same as he remembers - more worn, more beaten down by the ebb and flow of life than he had hoped. There is a new assertiveness that you wear, still a few sizes too big for you to fill out properly but nonetheless folding strong and confident across your shoulders. It speaks to many years alone, being forced to grow up too quickly. 

He supposes that’s partially his fault though.

“What do you want?” you ask, chin tilted up. Defiant as always. He’s glad that hasn’t changed.

“I’m… the war’s over. I came home.”

“Home?” You sound incredulous, a mocking edge to your voice.

“Yes,” Semi says, uncertainty beginning to cloud his words. “To you.”

You scoff. It seems the years have gifted you with a certain bitterness; he can not fault you for it, but it still grates at his rose-tinted memories. You were never a particularly joyful child - joy wasn’t a luxury people like you and he could afford - but there was a hope he remembered, a desperate spark that you’d imbue into the stories you’d tell the younger kids. The woman in front of him today deals only in blunt, unsavoury realities.

“Home to me,” you repeat, nodding slowly. Your tone is less than impressed. “Tell me-” you cock your head, contempt in every move, “since when do you leave your home without even a goodbye?”

You can see the confusion in the furrow of his brow. How could he not know? 

“I’m sorry, I-” he shifts, looking less like a war-hardened soldier and more like the lanky 17-year-old you knew all those years ago. “I wasn't brave enough.”

“And yet you were brave enough to go fight in a war that's stretched on for years.” You bite your tongue, frustration welling up because you want to hug him forever but you also can’t let yourself slip up. He’s a soldier. He left. You have the younger kids to think about too, and you aren’t going to let him come in and destroy this family you have fought tooth and nail for. 

“You seem like you’re doing OK now.”

“Yeah, now,” you bite back. “I’m doing OK now because I survived long enough to get out of the city walls. Barely. You can’t just waltz back in here like you never left.”

“I had to go, they needed me.”

“They needed you?! What about Tsutomu?” 

He looks sheepish at that. Maybe you're finally getting through to him.

“He had you?” he tries.

Then again, how could he know? He may have seen horrors fighting for six long years, but Semi left before the city really began to fall apart. You have survived your own nightmares. Humanity is capable of more atrocities than just war. 

“Of course he had me, I wasn't going to abandon him after his own brother did.” It's a low blow, but you can't find it in yourself to care. “But that doesn’t erase the fact I was one girl! I was struggling to feed my own siblings let alone yours! Do you think young girls can find work in the city? Do you think I could protect all of the kids?” 

You’re shaking now, animated in your fury, and the words are pouring out faster and more uncontrolled than you had imagined. You have had six years to think of what you would say to Semi if he ever came home, but right now you can't remember a word of the carefully scathing speeches you had drafted in those long nights. This is far less elegant, nothing more than the messy sum of repressed emotions and long-forgotten promises.

“You left! When I needed you! You left me alone, just to-” you angrily smear your tears, jaw clenching, “-to go fight in some stupid war they already had thousands of men to fight.”

“You had the others, and I couldn’t just-”

The door behind you creaks.

“Go back to your siblings, Kei,” you say, not turning.

Semi’s eyes are pulled to the proud arch of a young boy’s head. For someone with dirt smeared across his cheek and a sun-bleached shirt, the kid holds himself with something akin to royal grace. Semi would be impressed if he didn’t recognise the faux bravado as the carefully cultivated shield it is. He used to wear the same brand of armour.

“You sure?” the boy asks, a well-worn aloofness in his tone that that shouldn’t belong to someone still so young. If life hasn’t been kind to you, it has been rougher for this kid.

“I’m sure.” You turn, finally, and Semi catches the edge of your smile. He wonders if it still pulls higher on one side like it used to. He wonders if you still remember that secret handshake you made him learn all those years ago, if you still love the sunflowers that used to grow in the upper circles of the city, if you still get that faraway look in your eye when you get lost in the labyrinth of your own mind.

It’s jarring, Semi thinks as he watches the final nasty look thrown his way before the boy disappears back into the doorway. The image these memories paint is so out of sync with the woman he sees before him now, and no amount of reminiscing will bring them back together.

“So… who’s he?”

Impassiveness slides back over your face, the momentary softness slipping out of sight. “His family has also been torn away by this war. We stick together because we have no one else. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Come on, please,” Semi starts. This is not how he expected this reunion to go. He takes a tentative step forward. “I know you’re angry, but I truly never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep you and the kids safe.”

You don’t shake off his careful hand on your shoulder; you’re not sure you could. The fight is draining from your body, and as the anger recedes, you start to see him come into focus. The dusty bandage wrapped around his hand, the lines running deep around his eyes. Maybe you had survived your own nightmares, but you were a fool to think that made his any lighter.

“I’m sorry,” he says, pressing closer. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen to you, but I’d do it again. I’m sorry I had to leave you and the kids, but I don’t regret going to fight.”

“And I don’t hate you for wanting to fight,” you relent, finally meeting his eyes. They’re sadder now, yet he can’t help feel relieved that the animosity has drained away. 

You shrug, pained smile stuck awkwardly on your face. “But you still left us.”

Somehow, the lack of anger makes your words cut deeper. They have lost their accusing edge, replaced with a blunt resignation that makes his heartache. There’s resentment rallying in his stomach against your disappointment, and it mixes unpleasantly with the hope he had walked up to you with. 

“I said I’m sorry, didn’t I?” He can hear the annoyance leaking through, and from the line of tension that returns to your shoulders, so do you.

There’s a long moment, full of memories and chances long lost to history, where all you can feel is the inevitable beginnings of a new battle. The lamentable reality is that you were never taught how to back down from a challenge; to do so would just send you reeling back down to the bottom of the hard-won steps you had already taken. But haven’t you fought enough? Haven’t you fought your past enough, must you now fight him too? 

“You can say sorry all you like, it doesn’t change the past.” Your voice comes out more resigned, less annoyed than you had wanted. 

“Why are you so set on the past?” he demands, frustration tearing through the thin blanket of peace that had settled. “I’m here now, trying to make amends and you-”

“I don’t care what’s happening now, I want answers for what happened back then! Why didn’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trusted you, I- I just…” he throws his hands up, pacing a few steps away. “It was something I needed to do. Talking to you wasn’t going to change that.”

“Oh, so I didn’t matter then?” you say, lips pressed together painfully. It’s a wet anger; blurry eyes and choked voice. You had stared down more fearsome men than Semi Eita without a tremble, but his long-forgotten familiarity somehow makes this so much harder. “My opinion didn’t matter, my life didn’t-”

“Don’t be stupid, of course you mattered! Why do you think I left, huh? You and Tsutomu matter more than anything else-”

“Well that’s not what it seemed like to me and Tsutomu!” you yell back, sick to your stomach. “One day you were here, and the next you were gone! No warning, no nothing! Tsutomu was ten, Semi. TEN.” 

He hadn’t been there to see the pieces of your life shatter apart, to see Tsutomu look so confused, to hear him ask, so quiet and ashamed, if it was his fault his brother left. He hadn’t been there to see you patch your family back together with tape you couldn’t even afford and promises you literally bled to uphold.

“I was fighting to protect you-”

“You left us for dead.”

“You would be dead if they had reached the city! What was I supposed to do? Sit back and let others die for me while I did nothing?”

You huff, dragging a hand over your eyes. Your shoulder aches. “So you thought the military needed one extra person? One extra body, that’s all it took to win the war?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he groans.

“Do I?” you fire back, leaning forward into his personal space. “Do I know? Because I was of the understanding we were a team, and then you left without a word!”

He can tell from your face you are just as frustrated at this conversation going in circles as he is. And he knows you have a point - he did leave without saying anything, and it’s a guilt that still weighs on him. But in his core, he knows he is right too. Why shouldn’t he want to defend his home? Why shouldn’t he have gone? 

“I did what I had to protect you and the kids.” His voice drops into a low anger that holds more fury than any scream could. “I’m not going to apologise for wanting to protect what I love, no matter if you appreciate it or not.”

Your eyes dart between his, narrowed and searching. There’s definitely more underlying those words, years of unspoken almosts that had to be forgotten. Even just saying that much dredges up old memories he thought long gone, lost to time and unfortunate circumstance. 

“I’d appreciate not being left alone to feed-”

“Stop being dramatic, you weren’t alone. The kids are smart, and W-”

“They were literally kids!" you flare, tongue cutting with scorn sharper than any blade he's faced. "What, you wanted me to let Yachi go work in the factories? Let Tsutomu go fight in the pits? We both know that would have been a death sentence.”

“You had Wakatoshi, and-”

“Wakatoshi died!” 

Semi has been stabbed before. It’s a strange sensation; if there’s enough adrenalin flooding your veins, it almost feels like nothing more than a poke. But slowly, a creeping realization will set in as the wetness of your shirt becomes too much to ignore and your eyes are drawn irrevocably down. It’s only then the pain will hit you.

This doesn’t feel like that. This is immediate pain, your words splattering sharp and bright across his chest. He stutters back a step, breaths coming in short and shallow bursts.

“What… who...”

Your lips are pressed together, face turned away from him. The breath you pull in is shaky, and when you meet his eyes, they’re apologetic and guilty.

“The… the town guard caught Tsutomu trying to pocket medicine for me, and they were going to take him but Wakatoshi stepped in and it all happened so fast I…” a breathy sigh escapes you, right on the cusp of a sob. “I’m so sorry Eita, I didn’t mean to tell you like that.”

“It’s-”

It’s not OK. Wakatoshi has been a reliable fixture in Semi’s life for years, unshakable through everything. His certainty was something Semi had always admired. And despite his severity, there was a gentleness to his composure - lifting the kids up onto his shoulders during the rare parades or quietly teaching them how to play knucklebones. It’s unthinkable, for Semi to have survived this war but Wakatoshi to not.

“I’m OK,” he says. 

The quiet hand you lay on his arm doesn’t help, only serving to remind him that you lost Wakatoshi too. And maybe he lost you a long time ago too. Just one more thing to add to the never-ending list of all he’s lost to this war.

Semi can only laugh, a bitter, broken sound that echoes in his own ears. It’s an ugly thing; to fight and bleed and sacrifice for a country that has never done anything for you, only to come home and be slapped with everything else that’s slipped away in the process. Of course his selflessness would be repaid in frayed relationships and lost friends.

“I’m OK,” he repeats, because he needs it to be true this time.

“Are you?” you ask, concern slipping in under the blunt question. He wants to laugh again. You always have asked the hard questions. 

Your hand slides up to cup his cheek, palm rough but touch gentle against his skin, and he leans into it rather than answer. With his eyes closed, for just this moment, he can almost believe reality isn’t quite as bleak as it actually is. 

When he opens them your head is tilted, looking up at him with exhausted but understanding eyes. Sighing, your head falls forward to knock against his chest. You shoulders slump, and he slowly reaches around to grasp the back of your shirt. It’s still messy between you, and he knows this is only the beginning of a long road back to the trust you shared before. 

Yet as your arms come up to wrap around him too, he thinks maybe there’s hope for him. 

“I missed you,” you whisper into his shirt.

Maybe even hope for you and him. It might not ever be the same, but that is a battle to be faced later. 

For now, he finally lets the tears come. For Wakatoshi. For everything he went through, for everything he put you and Tsutomu through. For the simple relief of not having to fight anymore.

He feels your arms tighten around his waist. 

“It’s OK,” you tell him, and he thinks, someday, he might just believe you.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 9/?

Word Count: 1.7k

Author’s Note: Y/N- Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best Friend’s Name)

I am sorry. lmao.

Half of my links are glitched tf out fuck this shit, touched grass yesterday but that grind don’t fuckin stop babey

Warnings: Angst - Injury, Description of said injury, Mentions of Jason’s past, Swearing, Dark Themes, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Jason clutched his right side as he gasped for a long breath of the cold, rainy air surrounding him. Everything hurt and he could barely move enough to text Dick that he was down. He would hold and add pressure to the stab wound sitting directly on his waist, but he could feel the blood seeping through the gaps in his fingers as he held it. His hands were covered by the blood and he was losing it fast.

He wasn’t going to walk this off by any means, he was going to need Dick to go get him and bring him back to the hospital wing of the Batcave because he couldn’t move and he felt his eyes drooping as he waiting and tried to keep his breathing in check, while Dick was scrambling to go get him.

There would be a few questions he would have to answer to Y/N. Not even just Y/N, to Lian, his Goddaughter, who he was planning on seeing in the morning since Y/N was going to a dance competition, or at least he thought she was.

But in that moment, so many memories flew back into his head, the hopelessness as he sat there for a few seconds, bleeding out after the explosion that Joker had set off on him. And then the minutes in the Lazarus Pit as he drowned himself back to life, the water filling his lungs as he cried and screamed. But no one came.

This time, however, Dick came.

Dick swooped his baby brother up and onto his back and he tried to run to the Batmobile as fast as he could, knowing time was of the essence for saving Jason’s life. Jason had broke off from Dick for a few seconds before this moment, and it was the only thing Dick was worried about. That Dick had said to come back to him, alive.

In the car, Dick put his hands on Jason's gaping wound, trying to press his hands into it as well to slow the bleeding, the Batmobile had the ability to drive itself, and Dick thanked whatever God was watching that it did. Jason was struggling for breath at this moment, and Dick was terrified.

“You’re going to be oaky, Jase. I swear. Please. Don’t die on me, it feels like yesterday that I got you back,” he leaned into Jason’s face, “Not again, please,” Dick begged and begged as he rushed Jason to Alfred, who was waiting to operate on Jason.

--------------------------------------------

Y/N woke up as always, this time, without a text from Jason. She thought nothing of it, thinking he was safe in his house with his loving family. She went to go get coffee to kick start her day, and A/N wasn’t in the kitchen. She, still, thought nothing of it, since A/N’s lover was over the night before and she had to turn up her music to ignore the sounds coming from the other side of the house. She sent Jason a quick text,

Good morning, Jay. I hope you slept well.

And she returned to her room, coffee in hand, to write some quick little stories about  what she had placed in her journal. Not many of the ideas in there were able to be built off of, but she still tried her best with every idea she had, to see if it could be something more.

It normally never was, but it was always something she craved. The ideas of writing a book always enticed her, but she never thought she was talented enough to do so.

She heard her roommate’s door open and then the front door as A/N waved off her lover. It was a quiet Saturday morning, and Y/N loved that as she dove further and further into her work, immersing herself in the story of two lovers who were destined to meet after one moved to the hometown of the other to pursue criminal psychology.

She couldn’t get her mind off of Jason. They hadn’t even known each other for a week but she knew he was worth her time. A few hours passed by from when she sent the first text.

---------------------------------------------

Dick held Jason’s hand as he was hooked up to many different machines, he could breathe on his own, but the IV and the blood bags were hard to keep Dick’s eyes off of. If only I had been watching a little closer, he thought.

Jason fumbled in his pain-induced sleep, moaning and groaning as he did so when he opened his eyes to find a worried, sleep-deprived and very rough-looking Dick at his bedside, to which, Dick collapsed on Jason in a hug.

“Thank God,” Dick breathed.

“What... what the fuck.... what the fuck happened?” Jason stuttered, like a blanket of sleep and drugs had limited his mobility and brain function.

“I don’t know, Jase. That’s what I was hoping you’d tell me, but then again, your blood alcohol level was suspicious.”

“I... I didn’t drink... drink that much.”

“No, you didn’t. But you did drink, who was with you?”

“I don’t... know.”

“I think you were roofied so they could get the upper hand on you. You almost died, Jase.”

“Come...c’mere,” Jason managed to say, and when Dick came to him, he moved on of his hands onto Dick’s cheek, “Big... big annoying... big little annoying brother.”

“Shhhhhh, little wing,” Dick comforted his little brother, “You weren’t supposed to grow that much taller than me,” he laughed, “Dickhead,” he laughed again, then sighed, and stepped back from Jason to pace back and forth, he was stressed, “I told Roy-”

“Will.”

“Will, sorry. I told Will that you won’t be able to see Lian today, he asked what happened, he might drop by.”

“He should... shouldn’t have to... see me this... this way,” Jason said, eyes pooling with tears, “No one... should.”

“Don’t know how we’re going to explain this to your little girlfriend.”

“Oh... Man... I like... I like her.”

“I know you do, and that’s an issue when you’re high as a kite in a hospital bed, bleeding out, Jase,” Dick tried to explain, “Especially when she doesn’t know you’re Red Hood, dumbass.”

“Oh,” he said.

“I know, Jase. If it was me and Barbara didn’t know, I wouldn’t know what to do,” he sighed, “Haven’t even met this girl,” he laughed.

“It’s... it’s only been... 5 days,” he stuttered.

“and 3 back-to-back, multiple hour, spanning days, worth of dates. You don’t do that with someone you don’t think should meet your family.”

“You’re... stubborn.”

“And you’re my brother. It doesn’t take blood to exhibit the same traits.”

“The meds... are... are wearing off.”

“Do you need more?”

“Not... yet,” he struggled with his words, “Phone?”

“I mean, yeah I can give you your phone,” Dick said as he went to go unplug and hand Jason his phone, realizing that Y/N had texted Jason he said, “Guess you have someone who wants to know where you are more than Will does.”

“Will cares,” Jason said as he took the phone and read Y/N’s text,

I guess it isn’t morning anymore, huh.

Well that’s on me for texting you at 6 in the morning after I know you’ve been working late.

And I’m going to see my Goddaughter today, so I’ve been sleeping in to preserve energy for her.

Can’t forget that she’s what, 1 year old? Girl must have a lot of energy.

Her name’s Lian, and yeah. She’s a ball of energy.

He said as Lian and her dad, Will, formerly known as Roy, walked into the hospital wing of the Batcave. The secret wasn’t hidden to the little girl yet because she couldn’t remember a lot. But, she sure did recognize her Uncle Jay when she screamed her name.

Will brought his daughter up and put her beside her Uncle, and she cuddled into him, he would hold her back.

“Hey... Will.”

“You look like shit, Jaybird.”

“I feel... feel like shit.”

“You’re also talking slow, bud.”

“Drugs... do that... Will.”

“At least you’re not dead, I have no idea how I’d cope or even explain that to Lian.”

“She... she has your... eyes.”

“She’s growing into my nose too.”

“Your nose... looks like shit... on your face.”

“Okay, dickhead. You’re bedridden but yeah, attack me like you used to, I’ll just pull the plug.”

“Lian... would hate you... you for that,” he groaned as he said it.

“Do you need more drugs? I can tell Dick,” Will asked.

“Yeah... I think-”

“Don’t worry about finishing that, Jaybird. I got you.”

------------------------------------------------------

The wet ground surrounding the house Y/N lived in was a representation of what she considered, the bad things, washing away from her life as she got to know Jason more. She wished they could talk more that day, but she did not want to take away time from him and his Goddaughter. Family matters a lot to Y/N, so a thought like that just seemed selfish for her to think when she knew that little girl needed him.

She didn’t think he got injured or anything from the Office, it was a safer place than the fuckin Wayne Manor hallways. She texted Artemis,

So, you’re Wally’s girlfriend, and Wally is Dick’s best friend? Am I hearing you right?

That’s basically the intertwine we have here, yes.

So once you’re in this family, you’re IN, huh?

Nervous?

Not a chance.

The thrill of flipping off pap hasn’t left you yet?

Does everyone know about that? And yes, it’s still massively fun to do.

Wally says Dick is the only one who doesn’t think its that funny.

Lame.

C’mon now, that’s my best friend, but yeah, that’s pretty fucking lame.

You’re the fun best friend, then. You see the fun in making a fool of the pap.

You know it.

Artemis knew of what happened on patrol between Jason and his unknown attacker. Dick had told Artemis to distract Y/N from wondering why Jason seemed drunk, if he seemed drunk. The extents they went to to hide the fact that they were the vigilantes protecting the city, they didn’t know if she was going to be able to keep the secret.

Jason would talk to her after that message,

That storm last night was terrible.

I wish that we were together when it happened. I hate lightning.

Well, you were in Cali.

Did I not tell you? My competition was cancelled because the entire country is fucked with weather.

Oh. That sucks.

Do you want to spend the night here?

---------------------------------------

Do you want to spend the night here?

Jason stared at that text for a while. He did, he wanted to spend the night with her, but he was in pain, hooked to machines, with obvious wounds and bandages. He couldn’t spend the night with her.

I can’t. I’m in Metropolis with Will and Lian. Can we reschedule?

Of course we can. As long as you make sure we actually get to spend the night together.

He asked Dick in that moment, “How... how long... long til I heal?”

“Depends. You’ll be okay-ish in 5 days, but in 7-10 we have to take out your stitches if you’ve been taking care of them,” he said.

“That... that long? Damn.”

[matbaerzal]

5+1 | T. Konecny

Summary: 5 times you take care of your seemingly helpless neighbour TK and the one time he takes care of you.   A/N: I just reached 400 followers, so consider this my thank you for sticking around! hope you like this :) Warnings: multiple swears (it’s TK, what do you expect), mentions of blood Words: 3,4K Copyright © @matbaerzal 2020 All Rights Reserved

I You’d met Travis Konecny a couple times, running into him in the hallway. Your conversations never went past small talk. You already knew who he was and what he did for a living and even though you never covered the subject during your talks, he knew that you knew. He also knew that you didn’t really care, that to you, he was just a neighbour you talked about the weather with. So when you see him one afternoon in the hallway as he’s about to unlock his door, you don’t hesitate to say hello. Only after noticing his split knuckles, “Jesus, what happened there?” you exclaim. He looks down at his hands “oh, I’ve just come from a game”. “Do you usually end up like this after a game?” you laugh. He chuckles, scratching the back of his neck, “it happens, I guess”. He goes to put his key in the door but fumbles a bit and drops it on the floor. He swears under his breath, leaning his head back and brushing his hand over his face. Meanwhile, you walk the few steps over to him bending down to get his key, going to unlock the door for him. “There you go” you say slightly amused at his reaction to dropping his keys, “thanks” he says with what you think is a blush to his cheeks. “No worries, anytime” you say as you turn back to your own door, smiling back at him one last time before entering your apartment.

II It’s not long until the next time you see him, and somehow his knuckles look worse than they did last time. “Another game?” you ask him. He looks confused before he notices you’re looking at his hands. “Uh, yeah, yesterday” he admits, a guilty look on his face. He’s got a couple bags of groceries on the floor next to his already open door, he leans down to take them, but one of the handles breaks, and it falls to the floor, making all its contents spill out on the hallway. You try to contain a laugh, thinking this guy really doesn’t have a ton of good luck. “Shit, that’s just great,” he exaggerates. This time you can’t contain your laugh, going to help him collect some of the items. “You really don’t have to,” ignoring him you continue to collect as much as you can hold. “A thank you would be nice” you joke. He grabs the bag that’s still intact with his free hand and holds the door open for you to enter. “Thank you” he finally says as you get to his kitchen. As you’d been too busy trying to collect his groceries, you hadn’t noticed that somehow the wounds on his knuckles had reopened. You don’t think he’s even noticed himself. There’s not much blood, but enough to have you worried, and on instinct you grab his hand to inspect it. You don’t see the look of surprise he gives you, as you’re too focused on his hand. He finally notices the blood after you say “do you have any cleansing alcohol around?”. “No, I don’t think so” he mumbles, your head shoots up to give him a judgy look. “How do you not have that? You seem like you’d need it on a weekly basis,” you drop his hand and start to walk towards your own apartment. “I’ll be right back” you tell him.

When you come back all his groceries are put away and he’s sat by the kitchen island waiting for you. You place a bag of cotton balls on the counter, take one out, put some alcohol on it and you place the bottle next to the bag. Putting your hand out, you wait for him to give you his hand. You smile when he does and focus your attention on his hand. He winces slightly, but then clears his throat in an attempt to cover it up. You’re too focused on his hand to notice him staring at you, trying to memorize the features of your face. He was rendered speechless the first time he saw you in the hallway, and he kicks himself after every time you two talk. For not being able to hold a proper conversation and only talking about the weather, and other boring, insignificant things. When he told Nolan about his cute neighbour, he’d laughed at him, saying it’s a good thing he doesn’t talk too much around you, that it would definitely ruin his chances and just annoy you.

Now that you’re here in his apartment though, holding his hand, he grows restless. “Have you ever been to a game?” he says before he can stop himself. You’re almost done with his hand, doing the last couple touches, “It’s been a while, to be honest” you admit. “My dad’s a flyers fan, so I went to some games growing up” you continue. “Your dad’s a fan, eh?” he teases, “yeah, I think he’d have a heart attack if he found out you’re my neighbour” you blush. The situation only gets worse when you realize you’re still holding his hand, when you don’t really need to anymore. You quickly drop it and clear your throat, “where can I throw these out?” you ask, referring to the used cotton balls. “Oh don’t worry about it, I’ll do it, thank you for…” unsure of how to say it he just puts his hand up. “No problem, I- uh, I should get going, but I’ll see you around, yeah?” you stress, already starting to leave. “Sure yeah, don’t forget these '' he says, holding out the alcohol and cotton balls, “you can keep those, I think you need them more than I do” you joke before leaving his apartment.

III One day a couple weeks later there’s a knock on your door. When you open it, you find Travis on the other side with a sheepish look on his face. He's holding the cleansing alcohol and the cotton balls in his hands. Once again his knuckles are split, “I was cleaning and stuff, and they reopened, would you mind helping me out?” he says with a shy tone. You open your door wider motioning for him to enter, “I’m starting to suspect you’re a bit of a goon” you laugh. He snorts “me? A goon??” he feigns offence. You lead the way into your living room and sit down on the couch. He places the alcohol and the cotton on your table and sits next to you. “I’d say I have enough evidence to prove my case at this point” you say as you start the cleaning process. You’re not sure if he blushes or if you’re just imagining it, so you focus your attention back on his hand.

“Would you ever want to come to a game?” he says. “I mean, I could get you tickets if you wanted to go to one” he clarifies. His question catches you off guard, not expecting him to offer anything in return for your help. You look up at him, “I mean, yeah, that’d be- I’d get to see why you get into so much trouble” you stumble in your words before deciding to tease him. He chuckles “ok, great. We’re going on the road tomorrow, but we have a couple home games next week. How’s Saturday?”. You smile, thinking for a second if you have plans next weekend, “Saturday works” you conclude. He goes back to his apartment when you’ve finished up, promising to get you that ticket to the game.

IV You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find him attractive, and you swear you caught him staring at you the last time you saw him, which made you think maybe he thought the same about you. And then there was the fact he asked you to help him clean his knuckles when he’d be perfectly able to do it himself. And he’d left the cleansing alcohol at your apartment sheepishly admitting he was likely to come to you if it happened again. You couldn’t help but find his helplessness a bit charming. You also had to admit to watching his away games, surprised to see that he only got into one fight, though he looked like he was fine afterwards. Though his attitude on the ice explained why he ended up in fights in the first place, annoying people without end.

You knew he was back home, having checked out his schedule, but you were still surprised when he knocked on your door. You didn’t expect to see him until Saturday before or after the game he’d invited you to. You were in the kitchen making dinner, so you walked over to your door. “Hey, what’s up?” you say when you see him, his knuckles seem fine, so you wondered what could’ve possibly brought him to your door. “Hey, do you have any potatoes I could borrow? I forgot to buy some earlier,” He says. “Yeah, sure. You making dinner?” you reply, walking back into the kitchen to find what he needed. “Well I was about to start when I realized I was missing potatoes” he chuckles. “Fuck, that smells amazing” he mutters as he enters the kitchen after you. You laugh, “thank you, would you like some?”, only after realizing you’ve basically invited him to have dinner with you. You blush, and hope he doesn’t notice. “Sure, I guess I don’t need the potatoes anymore then” he says, smirking. “I guess so” you laugh, “would you like anything to drink?” you offer. You take out two plates and start plating the food, “just water’s fine” he says.

You walk over to the dining table with the plates and motion for him to sit. After placing the plates on the table you go to the kitchen to get your drinks and cutlery. You give him his water before finally sitting down, placing his knife and fork next to his plate. Travis is scanning his brain for something other than the weather to talk about when he takes the first bite. “God, that’s amazing” he hums, his mouth full of food you can barely understand what he’s saying. “You’ve been this good at cooking all along? And you decided to keep that from me?” He says after finally swallowing his first bite. You roll your eyes “So I’m meant to make you dinner now, too?” you say. “I mean I’m already cleaning you up after every fight you have” you continue teasing him. This time you swear you see him blush, and he shrugs “I wouldn’t complain if you did”. “I sure hope not, I’d kill to have someone make me dinner everyday” you joke.

The conversation flows easily between you two from there on, and Travis throws in a compliment here and there. He starts with complimenting the dinner once again, and then he makes a comment about your apartment being nice. Then he blushes again as he thanks you for looking after him and taking care of his knuckles. Which is when you bring up that you’d watched a couple of the games. His whole face lights up “Wait, really?”, “Yeah, I wanted to know what to expect on Saturday, I guess” you admit. With that he abruptly checks the time, “shit, it’s getting late. Look, I hate to be lame but-”, you interrupt him “you have a game tomorrow, it’s ok, I get it”. You blush at the fact that you just revealed knowing his schedule, and he smirks at you, deciding not to comment on it. You get up to follow him to your door, feeling like you could have sat for hours talking to him if he didn’t have to go. He surprises you by wrapping his arms around you in a soft hug, “thank you again, for dinner” he murmurs before letting you go. His hands lingering on you for a moment longer. You're stuck in your spot, looking into his eyes, shaking yourself out of it, you give him a smile “yeah, no problem, anytime” you finally speak. With that he leaves, making you feel as if your night got cut short, leaving you wanting more. More of what, you’re not exactly sure, just more of him.

V You don’t get to see him before the game, but he’d given you the tickets and told you where to go. He’d said you’d be sitting by some of his teammates girlfriends, which you didn’t want to read into. Upon seeing you they asked you if you were TK’s girl, which made you blush, shrugging, saying that he’d invited you, but you weren’t his girl in that sense. At which they just smirked. During the whole game you saw him make great plays and occasionally annoy the opposing team. In the third period he managed to tie the game and then get in a fight in his next shift. He seemed to be fine, but you knew he’d probably make you check his knuckles after the game. They ended up winning the game towards the end of overtime. You’d been at the edge of your seat and on instinct you and the other girls jumped up and hugged each other when you heard the goal horn. You followed them to go meet Travis after the game, having promised him you’d drive him home after.

When he sees you he walks straight over to you, you barely have time to take in how good he looks in his game-day suit before he’s hugging you, you’re quick to hug him back. “How are your hands?” you ask as he lets you go, “They’ll be better after you have a look at them” he jokes. “I’m starting to think I’m just your caretaker” you shoot back. “You’re more than that, you know that” he says as he puts his arm around you. Waving goodbye to his teammates as he starts walking. You quickly wave to the girls you’d sat with, blushing as they’re all looking at his arm around your shoulder. He keeps it there the whole way to your car, and you can’t help but think about how natural it feels there. Like you’ve done this a hundred times. He lets you go when you get to your car, but puts his arm around you again the second you arrive at your building. You look at the hand rested on your shoulder, having noticed earlier that his knuckles are split once again. You take his hand on instinct, “try not to reopen them this time, yeah? I’m running out of cotton balls” you muse. “I’ll buy more, plus it’s a good excuse to come see you” he says like it’s obvious. You laugh “You don’t need an excuse, you can just come and see me, you know”.

You arrive at your door, and his arm leaves your shoulder for a second time. He scratches the back of his neck “Yeah, I just never seemed to know what to talk about around you, and when you helped me with my key that one time, that was probably the first time we talked about something other than the stupid weather” he laughs “and then I acted like a nervous teenager the next time and dropped all my groceries, but then we had an actual conversation, so I figured I’d just use that as an exuse.” he finishes. You try to hide your blush, but you notice he’s blushing too. He takes a step closer to you, his hand brushing up your arm. He hesitantly leans in, and you mirror his action. He’s so close, noses touching, eyes closing. All one of you has to do is take the last step and lean in. But as your phone rings you jump away from him. You scramble to check who’s calling “Sorry, it’s my dad, I should take this… I promised him I’d tell him about the game”. Travis nods, you smile apologetically as you answer your dad’s call. The two of you awkwardly retreat to each of your apartments.

VI Travis had to leave the next day, going on another roadtrip. You had his number, but you’d discovered he was terrible at replying to messages so you didn’t speak often. Plus you were both busy with work, so you didn’t have much time to text back and forth. You were left to wonder what would have happened if your dad hadn’t called. It was obvious you would have kissed, but where would that leave the two of you? What would the aftermath be?

The day he gets home you get a text from him, “Can you come help me with something?”. You had just gotten home from work so you text back saying you’ll be over in a minute. Going to change into something more comfortable, but you make sure to still look put together. And when you enter his apartment you’re glad you didn’t opt for the sweats that were calling your name. His lights are dimmed, and a couple candles are lit, and the smell of whatever he’s cooking fills the room. Surprisingly it doesn’t actually smell bad. You don’t think he heard you come in, because when you see him he’s moving to the music by the stove. You lean your shoulder on the wall, wanting to see how long it takes before he notices you. When he does though, he doesn’t stop dancing like you expected him too, his smile just grows, but there is a slight blush to his cheeks.

“How long have you been standing there?” he says, stopping his movements as a new song comes on. You ignore his question, “what’s all this? You got a date or something?” you ask him. “Yeah, and she just got here, right on time” he winks. Now it’s your turn to blush, pretty confident that he’s referring to you. “I realized maybe you feel like I’ve been using you, so I just wanted to do something for you. So you know that I don’t take you for granted” he continued. “And also I didn’t know if you’d actually want to go on a date with me, so I decided to just-” he gestures around the room, not sure how to finish his sentence. “Decided to trick me into one?” you laugh. “Just so you know, I would have said yes” you clarify. “Good, that’s good. Dinner’s almost ready, so just make yourself comfortable”. He behaves like a perfect gentleman, pouring wine in your glass, serving you dinner. “Did you catch this fish yourself?” you tease, knowing about his favorite spare time activity. He laughs “no, if I’d had time to, I would have”. You smile and take a sip of your wine. When you’re finished eating you both go to the kitchen to clear the dishes, you ignore him when he says you don’t need to help. Thinking the quicker they’re done, the quicker you two can move to the couch and address the elephant in the room.

When you finally get settled on the couch, his arm finds it way over your shoulder and you lean into him easily. He’s the first to break the silence, “you’re always on my mind. At any given moment you’re there, and it made me really nervous at first, but now everything just feels so natural” you hum in agreement. “You’ve somehow managed to lure your way into my mind too” you say and he nudges you for teasing him. You look up at him, and he’s a lot closer than you expected, yet not quite close enough. You really hope there won’t be any interruptions this time, though you’re sure you’d ignore it this time around. “I really like you, you know” he says, his eyes are focused on your lips, and as you lean in closer, noses touching, you close your eyes. “I really like you too” you sigh and wait for him to take the final step. His hand finds the nape of your neck before he finally leans in the rest of the way, lips softly touching. The first kiss is soft, almost hesitant, but it doesn’t take long before they’re firmer, more confident. You’re completely wrapped up in each other, time standing still. Not breaking away until you absolutely have to, to catch your breaths. “I’ve wanted to do that for ages now”, “me too” you smile, leaning in for another kiss. Not being able to stop now that you know what it feels like.

[sapphicambitions]

hey! hey! why do you hate the television format??

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me

I would like to state for the record before we begin that this is my personal reasons for not enjoying the format of television and not “why television is bad'' because im sure there's many people whose reasoning for liking TV is the same as my reasons for disliking them. please dont get mad at me if you disagree lmao

I feel like the short answer could be: “I have a degree in theatre and i prefer books” 

But really i hate the fact that the story is subject to change via outside forces.

In a well written play or book, there is a beginning, middle and end. It is a complete story that has been well thought out and woven together. Every detail is important and makes sense dramaturgically. You have your characters and your plot and nothing about that changes. We’re taught in Theatre School (TM) that the playwright is the first artist, and everything goes back to the playwright’s words. The story cannot change because of outside forces and it will not change over time. Once a book has been published, it is done. And yeah in theatre, a play can be done by many people with multiple interpretations of the story but it always goes back to the playwright’s words as they are the first artist and it is about honoring those words. Yada yada. you get it.

TV is always subject to change. Actors leave because there was drama on set or because they have other projects to work on. Writers change and the tone of the show changes. Or they go to a different network and the show changes. You never know how long the show is actually going to go so it could be cancelled in the middle of an important plot they never got to wrap up or the show could extend past the original plot idea and the seasons get more and more ridiculous as they’re just trying to come up with shit to do so they can keep the show running.

Like supernatural, which went on for far too fucking long and just kept spitting out nonsense when they could have wrapped up in season five.

Like the Vampire Diaries, where the main fucking character Elena Gilbert left the show (which was ridiculous!!) or when her little brother Jeremy was just like written out of the show and then never talked about again like what the hell

Like Timeless, which got cancelled after two seasons and left so many loose ends (they had to like, beg for a movie to wrap everything up) 

Like the Magicians, which just, like, sigh. Y’all know. I don’t want to get into it. Y’all know. 

Hell, even Parks and Rec, with Ann and Chris leaving the show. If Parks and Rec had been a book Ann would have never left!!! Never!!! 

Characters get pregnant because the actors who play them get pregnant and suddenly THAT’s the plot line of the season. (Wynonna Earp, Brooklyn 99, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Sex and The City, Bones, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Once Upon A Time, Charmed, The Vampire Diaries, Parks and Rec, Grey’s Anatomy, The X-Files, Yes I Looked Up This List To Prove My Point)

If an actor breaks their foot then the writers have to change the plot. Everything about the story is subject to change due to outside forces and that might be a selling point for some people but i do not vibe with it!! 

And also, you’re watching the story unfold over the course of time and something could change halfway through the season and they abandon the really cool plot they were working on to suddenly set up a way for them to kill off the main character of the show. (okay apparently i do want to get into it with the magicians).

Like call me a snob but i like a concise arch! Something that the show is working towards, the story that they’re telling and the thesis of the show, and the end goal they’re working towards. I just honestly don’t like the “stories wrap up in one season and will we get another? Maybe? Okay yes we will so let’s come up with a new big bad for the characters to fight who’s got ideas” or like if you get seven seasons into a show and they’re like “And here’s my long lost sister that ive literally never mentioned before but we needed something exciting for the plot so here she is!” like i hate that shit. I know my old roommate loooooved when TV shows pulled twists like that so im not saying it’s bad writing im saying I personally hate this style of writing. 

I just keep throwing in these disclaimers so no one gets pissy at me lmao 

I think what caused me to realize and put a name to these feelings was watching the Schitt’s Creek Finale. I love Schitt’s Creek because it feels like one concise story. The characters all grow and develop and have an arch and at the natural conclusion of that arch, the story wrapped up. I loved that shit. It was a game changer for me. Any other show would have kept going and the tone of the show would have been totally different and frankly im glad they wrapped it up when they did and as they did. It was a perfect ending. 

I haven’t really watched the Good Place but I’m told similar things about it. 

Avatar the Last Airbender which we can all agree is the greatest show ever written had a clear plotline throughout the whole series and a goal they were working towards even if they did have side plots, it was all building up to one endgame. And it was stellar. 

I also recently rewatched parks and rec which is one of my favorite shows of all time and i do truly love it but like the whole point of the show originally was that they were gonna build a park and there were times in the show that they just totally forgot about that goal to work on other storylines until they were like ANN’S LEAVING WE GOTTA BREAK GROUND. That’s annoying! And once parks and rec started getting really popular and making more money they were able to be like “let’s send them to england! France! DC! Scotland! San Francisco! Let’s bring in Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and John McCain and Madeleine Albright! Which like all of that was really cool and some of the best parts of the series but also just another example of how the show changed over time as they got more name recognition and money. 

Also lmao i just had the thought that it doesn't really matter what community did because the point of that show was to be batshit and they succeeded spectacularly. What a good time. Just had to add that in there. 

So yeah that’s why i hate the television format because everything is subject to change from the plot to the tone to the writing to the characters and a lot of times there isn’t a clear narrative arch as they’re just coming up with nonsense to keep the show going and i just don’t vibe with that. 

So if i hate the television format why do i still watch it, you ask? You never shut about tv shows on your blog and yet here you are declaring that you hate them. What’s up with that. Well, the answer is simple. I have major FOMO. Also lmao quite honestly i just recently came to these conclusions and put words to these feelings during the quarantine so after 23 years of being pissy at tv shows all the time i honestly probably will watch less of it. I probably wont stop completely tho. Ive already said that im not gonna watch tv shows with queer characters until the show is over and its been confirmed for me that the show treats its queer characters and viewers with respect and dignity and i stand by that. (It’s the only reason why ive started to watch black sails.) im for sure never watching another cw show again. I have literally never finished a CW show because something has happened in it halfway through that pissed me off so much i never finished the series

So that’s my opinion does anyone also feel the same way? I feel like im crazy

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Imma analyze Amity's diary entries now even though Lost In Language was like ten episodes ago. I was just rewatching it and wanted to share my analysis on what Amity's written

"I saw that human girl again. I may have...overreacted. I don't wanna come across as cruel, I just can't show weakness!"

Okay, let's start here. I think the most interesting part of this is actually her line about now showing weakness. I mean we could focus on the fact that she regrets being so harsh on Luz, but we all know she's a good person by now who doesn't want to be cruel and hurt people. That's no secret. What I find interesting is the reason Amity was so hostile, bordering on cruel. Because she can't show weakness. Nowadays I see people assuming this line might be in reference to her cruch on Luz. She can't show how soft Luz really makes her, you know? But that doesn't make sense because at the time Amity didn't like Luz. Any positive feelings that Amity has for Luz started developing at the end of Lost In Language. I think the emotion she's trying not to express as not to look weak is sadness and hurt. As ive said before, Luz humiliated and upset Amity during their first two meetings. Like, from episode 3 where Willow and Luz cheat in class, we see their actions have consequences. They hurt people. Amity in specific. And that was her first impression of Luz. A cheater. A liar. Somebody willing to let Amity get in trouble or be called jealous and vindictive before she's willing to admit she cheated. And Luz once again humiliated her in episode 5. And again in episode 7 when Luz was hanging out with Amity's cruel older siblings and seemingly going through her diary. Amity fully thought Luz was humiliating her on purpose. Getting her in trouble on purpose. Trying to get closer to her just so she could toy with her. Amity thought Luz was trying to be cruel when Luz hurt her because she never ever met someone who just...did dumb things sometimes without thinking. With her parents and siblings and friends, any hurtful action was meant to be hurtful. Why would she assume that when Luz hurt her it was any different? Luz was anxious around Luz because "every time you get near me I get in trouble!" And she was still hurt from what Luz had done in the past. I think that's the weakness she didn't wanna show. Amity doesn't like being cruel, even to people she think deserve it, but I think her coldness towards Luz in particular was a defense strategy. She was sad and anxious and hurt and embarassed, but those emotions are all weak. They make her look and feel helpless. Anger isn't weak though, so maybe if she's rude and cold towards Luz instead of being hurt and humiliated in frint of Luz she won't look so pathetic. Because Blight's don't show weakness.

"It's not fair! I'm the only one who knows Ed and Em aren't perfect! Why do they keep getting away with things?!?"z

This reveals a little bit more about their general family dynamic. Because we know now that Edric and Emira don't get in trouble very often. That people seemingly think the two are 'perfect'. This probably includes their parents. If Ed and Em really keep getting away with everything (and we know they're big trouble makers) from their parents who we know abuse Amity, then that explains a lot about the dynamic between the Blight siblings. Why Ed and Em think it's okay to make fun of and humiliate and hurt Amity with little to no remorse. Because Edric and Emira have been taught to believe Amity somehow deserves to be treated poorly. That somehow the two of them are above Amity. Because when abusive parents pick a favorite child, then it isn't hard to play siblings against each other. To get their favorites to follow in their footsteps and participate in abusing the 'lesser' child. Which seems like exactly what's happening here. I mean, Edric and Emira's excuses of "It's tough love" and "We're doing this to help Amity" and "This is for her own good" when they were trying to get ahold of Amity's diary sounded like they were taken right out of the mouths of abusive gaslighting parents. Edric and Emira can skip class and vandalize library property without fear of repercautions. Amity goes into a panic over the tiniest mistakes and visibly flinched when people raise their voices at her. This line in her diary kinda confirmed what id already been suspecting from Ed and Em's disregard for Amity's feelings.

"I wish I had somewhere to go.."

This one was interesting to me. Because it can be taken in a few ways. Obviously this "somewhere to go" would be an attempt to escape her horrible home life. The question is weather she means somewhere to go temporarily away from the eyes of her family, or if she wants to run away from home or something of the sort but doesn't have anywhere to run to. And I can't help leaning towards the latter. It would be a little weird for Amity to wish for a place that's all her own to go temporarily when she already has her library hangout. I mean, it seems like she has been hanging out im her library room for a while, and nobody in her family hang out in the library like she does, so Amity does have somewhere to go in that sense already. However Amity didn't, at the time, have anywhere to go if she tried to escape her parents abuse permenantly. All her friends at the time she'd met through her parents so there's no way they would have helped her, Amity's parents had already burned her ties with the only friend who didn't have any loyalty to them and might have been willing to help Amity (Willow), and Amity wasn't very close to Luz at the time. Amity is definately a victim of abuse. It wouldn't surprise me if she wanted out but was being held back by how her parents isolated her to where she only knew people who support her abusive parents.

"Why won't the human leave me alone?!?"

At first I thought Amity was annoyed that Luz wanted to be friends with her. After all, we saw Luz trying and failing to befriend Amity earlier that episode, right? But this entry was almost certainly written before Lost In Language. And before Lost In Language, Luz didn't really try to befriend Amity. This is probably about how Amity thought Luz was a bully. As I mentioned earlier in the post, Amity thought Luz hurt and humiliated her on purpose. Thought Luz was going out of her way to toy with Amity. The thing that lead Amity to dislike Luz was that she thought Luz was dishonest and unremorseful. Amity's had enough of people who are dishonest and unremorseful. Her parents, siblings, and so called friends are all those things. And at first she must have thought Luz was just like them. Luz hurt Amity, Luz lied in how she represented herself, Luz didn't officially apologize until after this diary entry will have been made. And Amity must have been so done with that kind of thing. With lies and unapologetic attitudes. With bullies. And she thought Luz was a bully. I feel like that's the reason she really wanted Luz to just leave her alone. After all, earlier in the episode she said "Every time you come near me I get in trouble! Just leave me alone!", which reminds me a lot of her diary entry also showing a desire for Luz to leave her be.

"I called my teacher mom again..."

Honestly, while Amity calling her teacher mom doesn't seem like anything noteworthy on the surface, I would say it is important. Because for starters, Amity is a bit old to make this mistake. Little kids will sometimes call their teacher mom once or twice by mistake because they're used to the person taking care of them being their mother so sometimes without thinking they'll call their caretaker mom. However ive never heard of a highschooler, a child in the age range where they're less dependent on their parents than little kids are and less likely to see all caretakers as parental figures, call their teacher mom. Much less do it multiple times. And I can't help but wonder if this might be caused by the fact that her parents are the worst, forcing Amity to cling onto her teachers for the praise and support her parents don't give her. She's being abused by her parents, of course she'd grab onto her teachers to be parental figures because they're the only adults she has that don't hurt her. Because fourteen year olds don't usually get into the habit of calling their teachers mom and the fact that Amity has might be a sign of just how wrong things are at home.

"Sorry I haven't written for a while. Wait! Why am I apologizing?"

I mean, honestly, apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong is classic abuse victim behavior. And it is incredibly in character for Amity. She seems to have this perpetual sense of guilt over just...being human (metaphorically, she's a witch, not a human). Over any emotions or the smallest mistakes. It's pretty obvious that someone has made Amity to always feel guilty. Like she's doing something wrong or not doing enough right. To the point where not writing in her diary for a while is something she instinctively apologized for. It's kinds just...classic abuse victim behavior, typical of someone with a lot of self loathing, and makes me wanna punt her parents even more because I habe the feeling they're behind that tendancy.

[her-story6]

“5 times Cathy calls Lina ‘mum’ and 1 time Lina calls Cathy her daughter”

aka, my most recent procrastination project. I promise I’ll get to the other fics, y’all, I swear. Thank you for being so patient.

Note- I don’t usually hc Cathy as calling Lina ‘mum’ but it was fun to explore for one fic.

.

     I

No one could ever figure out how Cathy was always the last one to get sick when a bug went through the house. It was just how it was, every time.

Funnily enough, every time, she would do the same old routine. The others don’t think she noticed the pattern, but it was blatantly obvious to them, and it would be annoying if it wasn’t so endearing.

First, she would try and deny it, but once they made it to the theater, she couldn’t hide it for very long before she was frog marched back home and into bed. From there someone, usually Catalina, would stay by her side for a few days until she had either become less stubborn or more lucid. Either way, she would eventually give in and agree to rest. Finally, she would come back around and pretend like nothing ever happened. 

Honestly, this cycle happened in some form or another for all the Queens, so no one said anything. They all had their own reactions to illness that more or less stemmed from past trauma, and none of them desired to relive anything like that.

The most recent illness was no different.

To no one's surprise, Cathy had been driven home by Catalina between the afternoon and evening performances, and the elder were currently in the process of trying to get her goddaughter into bed without physical injury.

“Look, Cathy, love, just let me help you,” Lina tried again as Cathy just barely caught herself on the kitchen counter instead of tumbling to the floor.

“I got it, Ari,” the sixth Queen huffed, face scrunching in concentration. She was probably trying to sound determined and intimidating, but Catalina would have laughed if she wasn't so exasperated 

“Mija, you barely made it inside without cracking your skull on the ice. I'm begging you, just let me hold your arm when you go up the steps.”

Cathy, who had been taking a short break on a stool, glanced slowly between the aforementioned steps and her godmother, clearly thinking carefully (or as carefully as she could in her half-lucid state) before sighing.

“Fine. But just to get you off my back.” 

“Fair enough, querida.” Catalina smirked before sliding forward and linking arms with the smaller woman. Cathy struggled to stand for a moment, before allowing Lina to lead her to the steps.

The first Queen would have been very worried about her goddaughter’s sudden lack of basic motor skills, except it was already a miracle she had managed to survive one show without passing out. This specific illness had caused even Anna, the most composed of all of them, to slide magnificently down the theater staircase before telling Jane all sorts of embarrassing secrets..

They had all been so tired and so out of it that they had practically blacked out for three days, and with the hazy mind came awkward conversations and hours laying in bed.

By the time they reached the top of two flights of stairs, Catalina was supporting basically all of Cathy’s weight. She regarded this as a good thing, though, as it meant that the girl would put up little fight in going to bed.

“Lina, don't we have a show?” Cathy broke the silence that had formed when they reached her door, rolling her head to look at her godmother.

“Not right now, Cath. It's time for bed.” Catalina noted the shift in tone and adapted accordingly, lowering her tone and slowing her speech.

“It's bedtime?” 

“Exactly, querida,” Catalina chuckled. “Do you want to change clothes?” 

Cathy let out a long, almost dramatic groan as she glanced between the dresser and the bed, before shaking her head.

“No. I wanna sleep.”

“Alright, then. Come on.” 

The older woman led Cathy to the bed and helped her get situated under the covers. While she burrowed deeply so was barely distinguishable under the blankets, Catalina turned to close the curtains and set down the water bottle she had slipped under her arm on the way up here.

After said tasks were done, she sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush a lock of hair out of her goddaughter’s eyes. 

“Sweet dreams, mi hija. I'll be right downstairs if you need me.”

“Mhmmm” Cathy hummed in acknowledgment, pushing slightly into the touch as she shifted in bed. Catalina smiled softly at her for a moment, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, mi hermosa hija,” she whispered softly as she rose from the bed and walked towards the door. Just as she was about to slip through it, though, a quiet mutter from Cathy stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Love you too, mum.”

     II

Catalina didn't mention that night to anyone.

She didn't mention how her heart skipped a beat, and then she couldn’t stop smiling all night.

She didn’t tell the other Queens of the slip-up, because she could imagine their amused and slightly concerned expressions now. 

She most certainly didn’t say anything to Cathy, because honestly- she didn’t want to know whether she meant it or not, or if she would be ashamed or proud, or if she truly felt that way.

As such, the first Queen tried her best to continue life as normal. Pushing the incident to the back of her mind, she was almost able to act completely normal around her goddaughter again. 

Until, of course, she said something that was arguably even more heart-stopping.

“Querida, I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s very reasonable,” Catalina tried to reason as the two faced off in the kitchen. The other four were lounging in the living room and trying very hard to not be seen listening in.

“Come on, Catty, just think about it, I mean-”

“No, Cathy. That’s just not realistic. I’m sorry, love.”

“But, madrina-” the sixth Queen whined, leaning dramatically over the counter. Catalina, who had been digging around in the fridge for ingredients (as Cathy had interrupted her while she was fixing dinner), turned around much faster than she meant to and stared at her goddaughter open-mouthed.

“What did you just say?”

“I- oh, I’m so sorry,” Cathy began to stutter as she sat back and looked down, “I didn’t mean, I mean, I did, but if you’re not alright with it, then I’ll never say it again, of course, I’m sorry, I-” 

“No!” Catalina exclaimed, then immediately composed herself. “No, it’s fine. It’s great actually.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, of course. It’s only fair, if I call you hija then why can’t you call me madrina?” Catalina smiled, reaching across the counter to squeeze Cathy’s arm gently. The younger woman gave her a hesitant smile, then nodded.

“Alright, good.”

“Good,” Catalina echoed. She watched her goddaughter for a few more moments, pretending not to feel Jane’s amused gaze on them, then took a step back. “The answer’s still no, though, mija.”

“Ughhhhhhh,” Cathy groaned dramatically, lowering her forehead onto the counter. “Fiinneeee”

Catalina could do nothing but chuckle.

          III

It had been a few weeks and Catalina was just about used to hearing the word ‘madrina’ from her goddaughter’s mouth and every time, she couldn’t help but beam. The proud look on Cathy’s face when she noticed was almost enough to give her a heart attack.

What really did give her a heart attack, though, was when she received a call from the hospital, telling her that Cathy had been in an accident.

This certainly wasn’t the first time one of them had ended up in an ambulance. 

Anne, of course, had taken multiple trips, but there was also the time Jane sprained her wrist and when Anna had taken a wrong step on her morning jog and ended up in an ankle cast for the next two months. 

As such, after the doctors assured her that Cathy was all fine and they just needed someone to pick her up because the car was not drivable, the panic wore off and she was more relieved than worried. 

When she arrived at the hospital, the nurses led her outside a sitting room where she could see Cathy sitting, holding her purse close to her chest and bouncing her leg restlessly. The nurse peaked her head into the room, gesturing for Lina to stay put, and said- 

“Catherine, your mother’s here to pick you up. You have all the forms settled, so you’re free to go.”

Before Catalina could say anything, the nurse disappeared around a corner as Cathy slipped through the door.  

“Heyyyy,” Cathy started, shifting her purse so it was over her shoulder and looking up at her godmother. “Sorry about that, they didn’t seem to like my idea of just getting a taxi home.”

Catalina was relieved to see that Cathy was more embarrassed than nervous, so she decided to ignore the elephant in the room as the two started walking to the exit.

“No problem, mija. I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah, me too,” she chuckled. “It wasn’t my fault, by the way. The other guy took full responsibility and his insurance will pay for everything.” 

“That’s good.” Catalina nodded, holding the door open as they went outside. Cathy shivered slightly against the nipping wind, but said nothing else on the walk to the car. 

Once they were back on the road, though, Catalina grew tired of the awkward silence.

“So,” she started, and out of her peripherals she could see Cathy shift, “mother, huh?” Catalina tried to keep her tone light and amused, and was grateful when her goddaughter let out a soft chuckle. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. It was all so rushed and I didn’t want to make it more complicated than it had to be by explaining our relationship. They wouldn’t even let me call you.” 

“No worries, I was just wondering. Our relationship is pretty hard to explain.”

“You can say that again,” Cathy agreed, and the two laughed as the conversation easily shifted to a more lighthearted topic.

           IV

“Oh, come on Catherine! Do you really have to be so uptight all the time?”

The room suddenly became silent at Cathy’s outburst, all heads, which had previously been focused on a heated argument between Anne and Catalina, turning to the sixth Queen. Cathy took this as permission to continue.

“I’m sorry, but you really need to lighten up some times! Anne just wants to go out with Kat and I for a night, what’s the big deal?”

Catalina was taken aback, unaware that her goddaughter was even involved in the issue, but didn’t back down.

“The big deal is that it’s not safe. I’m not letting you stay out all night in the middle of winter, especially with the roads like they are. We are already down one vehicle, we can’t lose the other one too.” The first Queen tried to keep her voice even, but the look of anger in Cathy’s eyes caused her to waver on the last few words. 

“Why do you even get a say? We’re all adults in this situation and it’s really none of your business,” Cathy countered. Anne had taken a step back and was now more of a spectator than a participant. Arguments between Cathy and Lina were rare, and when it happened, they all knew not to get involved.

“First of all because it’s my name on the car registration,” Lina started, quickly losing patience. “Secondly because I don’t want any of you getting hurt when I can stop it.” 

“You wouldn’t stop Anna or Jane from going!” Cathy exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “It’s just because you don’t trust us.”

“That is not true at all and you know it, Catherine Parr.” Catalina’s voice had lowered dangerously, and Anna and Kitty took an actual step back.

“Do I?! How would you know how I think?”

“You need to calm down. It’s been a long week and we all need a break,” Catalina once again tried to reason calmly, having caught herself before she could make the conversation spiral further. 

“Come on, mom! You can’t control us forever.” 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, but I think you should-,” Catalina stopped dead when her brain registered what Cathy had said. “Wait, what?!”

“I-” Cathy’s voice suddenly returned to its normal pitch as she came to the same realization. The room was frozen for a solid minute, all eyes back on Cathy, as her eyes grew wide and her face contorted in confusion. “Whatever.” She finally scoffed, then immediately disappeared up the steps.

Catalina watched after her, mouth wide open and blinking comically. Only the sudden cackling laughter from Jane brought her out of a stupor.

“Oh my god!” Jane said through laughter. “That was beautiful.”

“Jane-” Anna warned, but there was a clear amused smirk on her face as well. 

 “You all heard that too, right?” Catalina turned to them, still reeling. 

“Oh, yeah!” Jane beamed widely, reaching forward to pat her friend’s arm. “Good luck with that, love.” 

 “Oh, thanks,” Catalina said sarcastically, rolling her eyes even as she tried to process the last few minutes. 

 “So.....” Anne interjected after a few moments of silence, the word clearly a question. 

“No, Anne,” Jane answered her question before it could be asked. “It was a stupid idea in the first place and I think Cathy’s out for the night anyway.” Catalina sent the third Queen a grateful look for taking the question.

“Ughhhh, fine,” Anne huffed dramatically. “It’s probably for the better anyway. Now Kit and I can finish our movie marathon.”

It was quite a statement on Catalina’s mental state when she said nothing to try and discourage the cousins from pulling (another) all-nighter, and the two took the momentary lapse to disappear up the steps. This hesitation was also noticed by Jane and Anna, who glanced at each other in concern. 

“You alright, Lina?” 

“I-” she started, then paused and leaned back against the fridge with a sigh, “This is going to be a really awkward conversation, isn’t it?”

Jane chuckled softly, nodding. “Yeah, probably. Kitty called me ‘mum’ once and she didn’t look me in the eye again for a week.” 

“That’s just the thing, though. This isn’t the first time.”

“It isn’t?” Anna joined in the conversation now, sliding onto a stool across from the other two women.

“I mean, we all know she calls me ‘madrina’, which is different, but still. But she was really sick one night and right before she fell asleep, she, uh... she said ‘love you too mum’” 

“Awwwww” Jane cooed, smiling cheekily. 

 “Not helpful, Jane,” Catalina bit back, without any real force behind it.

“Sorry, sorry, I know. But seriously, do you have a problem with it?”

“No! I mean, I don’t want to make it a normal thing, obviously, but it’s nice to know that she thinks of me like that.”

“Then what’s the issue?” Anna asked, leaning her chin her hand and tilting her head.

“I just don’t want her to feel weird about it. We’ve had.... conversations. About her mother and my Mary and not replacing them and the like, and I just.... I don’t know, it just feels weird.”

“That makes sense. I suggest you let it rest for now. Wait for her to come to you, maybe.”  

“You’re right, Jane, I know,” Catalina shook her head, sighing once more. “There’s nothing I can do for now. Thank you, ladies.”

“No problem, Ari.” Anna smiled, and Jane nodded in agreement. “Go get some sleep.”

“That’s exactly the plan. Maybe I’ll stop by Anne’s room on the way and apologize. Good night, Queens.” Catalina nodded politely at them, then slipped up the stairs. 

“Good night,” they echoed, sending each other one last amused look before carrying on with their nightly routine. 

          V

It had been two days, and Catalina was trying her best to be patient, but Cathy had yet to initiate any conversation with her, let alone one about the topic that was very clearly weighing heavily on both of their minds.

It was painfully clear that they were avoiding each other, and based on Jane’s annoyed sighs and Anna’s pointed glances, the others had noticed as well.

Eventually, though, to everyone’s surprise, it was Cathy who broke the silence.

“Lina, can you help me fix dinner?”

Alright, so it wasn’t what she was hoping to hear, but at least it was something. Catalina, of course, accepted immediately and the two soon found themselves alone in the kitchen, once again surrounded by an uncomfortable silence.

It wasn’t until the meal was in the oven that the first Queen decided enough was enough.

“Cathy, I think we need to-” Catalina started, setting down the bowl she had been washing.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Ari. Can’t we just pretend it never happened? Please?” 

The sincerity in her goddaughter's voice almost caused Catalina to give in, but she shook her head and stood her ground.

“You know we can’t, querida. Let’s just get it over with, huh?”

Cathy looked ready to object, but after a quick internal battle, she sighed and nodded, turning the faucet off and jumping up on the counter. Catalina watched her carefully, then followed suit, setting down her washcloth and leaning against the fridge.

“First of all,” Cathy started, shifting so her feet were tucked under her. Lina held back a comment about dirty shoes on the counter as her goddaughter composed her thoughts. “I just wanted to apologize for the argument in the first place. It was stupid and I didn’t mean anything that I said.”

Catalina nodded slowly, mulling over her words, before asking simply- “Anything?”  

Cathy hesitated, knowing exactly what she was referring to. “I-,” she paused, swallowing hard. “I honestly don’t know. I was worried at first that you would be uncomfortable, that I had crossed a boundary, and of course I don’t plan on... on calling you that on a regular basis or anything, but....... I dunno.”

Catalina nodded once more, then allowed herself to hesitate, set on thinking out her thoughts before saying them.

“I completely understand. As we’re being honest, I also have to say that I could not tell you all my feelings about it. I think- I think that if it became a habit, I might not be very comfortable with that, but I would never be upset about a slip-up. And every so often, if it comes out... less on accident, I don’t think I would protest too hard.”

“No, yeah, I get it.” Cathy nodded, visibly relaxing as the tension seeped away. “What had me so confused was the difference between ‘madrina’ and ‘mom’. Two completely different connotations, but I have no way of putting the specifics in words.”

“Yeah! Yeah, that was exactly what I was thinking.” Catalina nodded, a smile forming on her face. “It’s actually really nice, to know that you see me like that, because I completely reciprocate that feeling. It’s very clearly not a traditional relationship, but we don’t have to explain it to anyone else if we don’t want to.”

“The word ‘traditional’ doesn’t apply to anything in this house, it seems,” Cathy joked, and then smirked slightly. “You know, that wasn’t the first time I had made that mistake.”

“Oh, I know,” said Catalina simply. Cathy seemed surprised for only a moment before she just shook her head and chuckled softly. 

“So we’re good?”

“Of course, mija.” Catalina nodded, reaching to squeeze her goddaughter’s leg. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier. I was just nervous you would say something I didn’t want to hear.”

“Oh, me too. But I’m glad we got it all sorted.”

The two stared at each other for a few more moments, just smiling and allowing themselves to appreciate the moment. 

‘The moment’, however, was cut off with a shrill beep from the stove, which caused Catalina to jump and bump her side on the fridge handle. 

“Ow!” 

“Oh, careful, madrina.” Cathy smiled cheekily, “Don’t want to break those fragile old bones of yours.”

“I’ll have you know, mija,” Catalina retorted, as they both set to work on taking out the pans and setting them out on the counter, “These bones are barely a year old. I think I’ll be fine.”

“If anything, that’s more concerning! These bones materialized out of thin air!”

“Oh, please querida, don’t give me an existential crisis right now, I can’t handle it.”

“Your old lady brain struggling to keep up?” Cathy asked, barely containing a laugh.

“Why, you-!”

And when the others came down to the duo ignoring the still beeping oven as they bickered, they didn’t say anything, too relieved to see that they were speaking again. 

          +I

The Queens didn’t go out to bars together very much anymore, after numerous bad experiences their first few months, but every so often, when a large celebration was in order, they made an exception for Anne and allowed the second Queen to bring them around to her favorite establishments.  

By this point in the night, there had already been multiple counts of harassment amongst the six of them, and no one was really reacting anymore. Even Lina, who was above only Cathy in the ‘most likely to get catcalled’ list, had been forced to get a little snippy when a man wouldn’t leave her alone.

Cathy, of course, was blissfully unaware of most of this.

The others had tried to explain to her multiple times why she wasn’t harassed nearly as much as the others. 

(‘It’s because you look like a twelve year old’ Anne had suggested, and then Anna had shaken her head and said ‘No, it’s just because you look like you would kill anyone who touched you. That’s a compliment, by the way’.)

That wasn’t to say she was completely unharmed, for she had of course had her fair share of bad experiences. They were just rarer.

This, apparently, was just one of those nights, though, because as Catalina made her way back from the bathroom at their most recent (and final, accordion to Jane) bar, she just barely caught her goddaughter’s curly hair peeking out from behind a large muscular man leaning over her on the other side of the room. 

Immediately, the first Queen changed her route and pushed through the throng, trying to gauge the situation before interrupting. As she grew closer, she began to catch snippets of their conversation.

“Come on, beautiful,” the man sneered, leaning cockily against the wall and effectively cutting off Cathy’s escape route.

“I already said no, I’m sorry,” Cathy responded, much calmer than Lina had worried. “Look, I just want to go back to my friends, please.”

Something in the man’s expression changed, and Catalina had no desire to see what happened next (it could have been fine, but she wasn’t going to take that chance) so she sped up and covered the last remaining ground in seconds, before sliding seamlessly between her goddaughter and the man.

“Kindly leave my daughter alone, sir,” Catalina tried to be as civil as possible, crossing her arms and drawing herself up to her full height.

“Your daughter?” the man questioned, scoffing slightly. He leaned around Lina to peer at Cathy. “You come to bars with your mom?”

“Actually I come to bars with my daughter, but that’s really none of your business. Please just leave her alone.”

He looked ready to argue, but with one raised eyebrow from Lina, he decided it wasn’t worth it and turned on his heel, walking away while muttering something under his breath.

“Thank you, but I really didn’t need your help. It was more amusing than anything.” Cathy rolled her eyes, stepping out and following her godmother through the crowd back to their table. 

“I know, I just thought it was better to be safe than sorry.” 

“Fair enough.” Cathy nodded, then hesitated. “‘Your daughter’, huh?” 

Catalina let out a barking laugh, then cocked her head in thought, pulling Cathy to a stop. Cathy tilted her head in curiosity, glancing back at her godmother. Finally, Catalina simply nodded and said, now completely serious-  

“You heard me.”