#joanie rambles

[foodlesoodlesdoodles]

A dog raised in the fighting ring never knows when to learn when it’s Down.

[zestyderg]

Side characters and other creatures (mer au edition)! Part 1 I guess

Rockin' Billy

Billy is a pilot whale mer who was driven out of his pod for his terrible, selfish behavior. He's a big bully who has no qualms with harming other merfolk to get the things he wants. The shark trio took him in, and they do not know what Billy is truly like. He's kept to himself and at most he's unhelpful and kind of rude to the others. Let's just hope that is all that he does...

The Bonehemoth

The Bonehemoth is a Rock Whale. Rock Whales are giant, long-lived cetaceans that typically inhabit cooler stretches of ocean. They're deep divers and feed on a variety of things, using their large flat teeth to crush prey, large rocks, and even chunks of ice. The older the Rock Whale, the larger and thicker the mustache. The rocky protrusions on their bodies that they're named after are completely grown in by maturity. The Bonehemoth itself is a very old individual. Merfolk steer clear of the great whale, and while it does not actually target mers, it is a messy eater and rumored to have devoured many of them on accident.

The Bonehemoth has little to fear, with it being an extremely large and ancient animal.

However there are still some things it's very afraid of...

[ket-pupp]

lil irl post just to say GODDDDD I LUV BRIAN SELLA AND MATT UYCHICH AND THE FRONT BOTTOMS BRAIN GO BRRRRRRRRRR

and for the first time, after like the past 5 concerts going alone, i finally went to one with friends :)

tonight was good

okay pup eepy

good night ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

[carsickcrow]

finally learning my first actual song on my banjo! folk music is so rad and this song is pretty easy but it has an unfortunate (ableist) name… it does have some alternate names apparently but i’ve only seen it called the aforementioned name which i’m not comfortable saying. so. that’s a thing. but anyway it’s apparently one of the easiest folk songs to learn on banjo and i can kinda play the first half of it now!

[as-is-above-so-below]

The Captain - Simon Riley x Sniper!Reader, Wife!Reader

Part 6: Darling

summary: Ghost’s sniper wife (reader) joins Task Force 141 on an op, against his wishes call sign: Freyja warning: implied sexual content, MDNI Note: PART 6 HAS ARRIVED! Thank you for all of your support! A special thank you to @lethalchiralium and @peachesofteal for workshopping with me, per usual, and being my beta! Enjoy and blessed be! (p.s. ghost drinking an orange sodie lol) << Previous | Next >>

Simon could hear his daughter’s screams as he came up the walkway to their front door, duffel slung over his shoulder. He had returned from a month-long deployment an hour ago and only allowed himself enough time to debrief and return his weapons once on base before hopping in his car and heading home.

He entered the house, still in full gear (mask and all), to find his heavily pregnant wife pacing the living room, their crying daughter in her arms. Her eyes and cheeks were red when she turned to the door, sobbing in relief at the sight of him.

“Oh, sweetheart. What’s going on?” he asked, dropping his bag by the door and going to her.

“She has a-a cold.”

“I can see that.” He wiped at the snot and drool on Joanie’s lip with his glove. “Where’s Roach?”

“He went to pick König up. You didn’t see him?”

“No. Must’ve just missed ‘im.” When Price handed out assignments for their most recent deployment, Roach had offered (more like decided) to stay with Freyja for the duration of his absence. With König also deployed, it made sense for him to help her with the baby and housekeeping while Simon was gone. Better than staying on base – alone – for a month. Knowing someone was in the house with his family made him feel better about leaving for such an extended period, especially with his track record. The last time he had left the country, leaving his pregnant spouse behind…

Simon rubbed his daughter’s back, his heartstrings tugging at the thought of her being in pain. “Give ’er here, I’ll take a turn.”

“Si, no, you must be exhausted-”

“I am exhausted, which means I’m in no mood to argue. Go to bed, love, please.”

His pleading didn’t seem to affect her as she went back to doing laps around the couch. “The doctor said there’s nothing we can do. It just has to pass. I’ve tried everything. Chest salve, shower steam, saline – nothing’s working. Every-Every time we put her down or sit down, the screaming just gets worse. Can’t stop…moving, and your son is kicking the shit out of me-”

This was ironic, considering how Joan only kicked when Simon or one of their friends spoke or touched her belly. Now, their son only ever kicked for her.

“Freyja.”

She stopped her rambling and found he had stepped into her path; he firmly held her biceps and dragged his hands up and down. Freyja sniffled as another tear slipped down her cheek. No singular word could describe how she felt (and probably looked). Drained, fatigued, beaten, dog-tired; none quite did the trick.

“You look like shit. You need to get some rest.”

“No, Simon, please just go to…bed.”

Soon as Ghost took Joan and returned to massaging her spine, her wails simmered to quiet whimpers as she cuddled into him. She dropped her head onto his shoulder, little fingers hanging from the collar of his shirt to the top of his vest. Their baby was getting big, her senseless baby talk beginning to lean more toward coherent vocabulary. When Joanie cried a soft “Dada” against his neck, Freyja started to sob harder, the heels of her palms dug into her eyes. 

Shit. “What’s wrong? She stopped screaming bloody murder. That’s a good thing.”

“I’ve been trying to calm her down for hours! You come home, and after five minutes, you’ve fixed it. She hates me! She fucking hates me!”

“Frey, look at me.” He stopped comforting Joan for a moment to tilt his wife’s chin up, forcing her to listen to him. When she did, he took his hand back. “Babies see their mothers as an extension of themselves. She knows your heartbeat and breathing sounds; she gets food from you…”

“Who told you that?”

“…I read about it.”

Freyja softened, tears no longer flowing freely. “You read parenting books?”

“Of course I do. I want to be the best for them and you.” He pulled her into his chest with one arm, his covered lips pressing into her hair. “You are her mother. I could never take your place. You’re her home. But I’ve been gone for a month, and I’ve never been away from her this long. There’s something to be said about missing her dad and wanting some comfort.”

When Simon brushed her tears away, she turned to kiss his palm, then rested her cheek there. Freyja didn’t know how, but her husband sure had a way with words, always knowing how to make her feel better. 

“Better?”

“Mhm,” she hummed and, before she could reach to pull his mask up, Joanie whined in frustration, kicking her legs impatiently, about to start up again. Simon chuckled and let his wife go, his heavy boots thunking against the hard floor as he began what would be a long night of getting his steps in. 

“Good. Now do as Daddy tells you and go to bed. Don’t make me tell you again.”

.

.

.

Coming up on the end of her pregnancy, the ‘waddling’ stage was in full swing. If Freyja thought she was big just before Joan was born, she was almost certainly a whale now, and she was losing energy much faster than before. This time around, though, they were sure to schedule a c-section for the week before her due date. The OB didn’t put up much of an argument with her medical history and Joan’s early arrival.

Her phone pinged again as she rounded the corner toward her husband’s office.

And again.

Joan’s irritable whines became more evident as she closed in on her destination. “Si, I can only move so fast.”

“Oh, thank god.” Ghost detached Joan’s iron grip from his mask while she was distracted. She continued to kick her little legs against him, trying to get away. “She’s antsy. I can’t get her down for shit. She’s sick of me.”

He wheeled his chair around the desk and tugged her missing sock back on (to her protest) until he reached the other side and placed her feet on the floor. “See? Mum’s here. Go see her,” he cooed, her tiny hands gripping his thumbs for support.

“Dad Ghost” as she had lovingly coined Simon in his work attire, was a walking contradiction. An arguably massive man, a masked mystery to majority of the population on base, snapping otherwise cocky and egotistical soldiers back in line. Still, no one dared to laugh as he screamed at them for poor technique or a lackluster performance with a blonde baby on his hip or strapped to his back. It never failed to make her want to giggle, hearing such a soft, gentle tone from the big scary skull plate affixed to his balaclava. 

Freyja was halfway across the room when he stood their daughter between his comically large boots. “She won’t go that far,” she admonished. “If you give her too big of a task, she’s not going to even try-”

As if sensing her mother’s doubt, Joan took a steady step forward, still holding Simon’s hands in deep concentration. Then another, and another –

Until he couldn’t stretch forward anymore, and she let go, hobbling towards Freyja until she stumbled at her feet, letting out a soft baby grunt.

They both stared at each other in silence, eyes wide and mouths agape in shock. Neither spoke for a good minute, until Joanie pulled herself up again by Freyja’s cargo pants, babbling, “Mum mum mum mummm”, gnawing at the thick material and looking up with big, brown eyes.

“Did she just…?”

“I told you, she’s bloody brilliant.” Simon shot up to scoop the baby and place her in his wife’s waiting arms.

“My big, smart girl! I can’t believe it!” She squealed and giggled as Freyja peppered her face in fat, wet kisses and gently shook her. Ghost joined in, playfully nibbling at the rolls on the other side through the black material covering his face. Joanie smacked them both away, screaming with joy. Amongst all the commotion, Price stopped in the doorway on his way to their brief (which they were about to be late for). 

“What’s going on here?” he asked, fists on his hips in faux anger. “I thought we had an understanding! No fun at work without Granddad.”

“We officially have a walker on our hands!”

Price gasped and crossed the room in an instant. “And I missed it?!” He shoved the stack of mission folders at the lieutenant and stole his granddaughter from her mother, hiking her high up on his waist. “You walked without me? I’m offended, little miss, but I’ll settle for a victory lap.”

He plucked his green bucket hat off the top of his head and dropped it onto hers, earning a high-pitched shriek of delight when it covered her face. “Let’s roll, everybody. We’ve got a meeting to get to,” he commanded before marching down the hall. “Oi, lads! She walked!”

A chorus of cheers broke out in the distance, followed by a wall-shaking group chant, “Joanie! Joanie! Joanie!”

Freyja just stood there, pouting, arms crossed atop her belly. “Just once, I’d like to celebrate our baby’s milestones in peace.”

“You know that’s not possible, love.” Ghost chuckled next to her, offering a single pat to her ass as they headed to the briefing. While neither of them would be going, it was their job to know what was going on during their impending absence. The ruckus started to die down when the couple sat, and the others followed suit. Soap placed a mug of peppermint tea in front of her, which she thanked him for, and  Laswell, Gaz, and Soap filed around the table.

“Kӧnig and Roach should be here shortly,” Price said, bouncing Joan on his lap as Ghost passed out manila folders.

Gaz checked his watch with a furrowed brow. “It’s five past. Maybe they forgot?”

“Just give them a few minutes. I’m sure they’ll be here.”

“His office was closed, so he’s definitely in there. I can go grab ‘im. It’s no trouble,” he offered, the metal legs of his chair scraping against the floor as he stood up.

“Be my guest, Sergeant,” Freyja hummed, making eye contact with John as she sipped her tea, hiding her mischievous grin behind the cup. She waited for an appropriate amount of time, about how long it would take to take ten paces up the hall before she held up five fingers. 

“You’re a demon.”

“Five, four, three, two…”

“Verdammt nochmal!” 

There’s a loud bang, eerily similar to the sound of a six-foot-six body slamming into the floor. Boots thunder against the ground until Gaz appears in the doorway again, eyes wide and blushing like a madman.

“Genau deshalb habe ich das Militär verlassen, keiner von euch hat den Anstand, verdammt noch mal anzuklopfen!”

“Didn’t knock, did you.”

“Nope.”

“How bad?”

König stomped into the meeting, red as a tomato as he jerked his long, tangled (read: freshly fucked) hair into a knot at the base of his neck before slipping his hood on. Roach walked in behind him, grinning like an absolute idiot (read: clearly the one doing the fucking), albeit a bit flush, and his clothes untucked and wrinkled as he plopped beside John. 

“At least I didn’t get knifed this time.”

“Der Tag ist noch jung, Unteroffizier.”

“I don’t know what that means, but it sounded like a threat.”

“It was,” Freyja sang, her body shaking as she attempted to withhold laughter.

By the time Price had finished divulging the details of the op scheduled for the end of the month (which was also around the time of her c-section, which left Freyja and those deploying disappointed), Joanie had escaped his hold to crawl across the table and landed in her mother’s lap. She sat back against Frey’s round belly, happily gnawing on a teething ring while the captain combed her fingers through her soft, blonde curls. 

John cleared his throat and leaned back, tipping the chair on its back legs. “So…In a shocking turn of events, Roach is the top–”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, CAPTAIN?!” Soap screeched after choking on his coffee, leaving a stain on his shirt as it dripped from his nose.

“Oh, mein Gott…” 

“I don’t know. What did I say, Sergeant?”

Across the table, Roach held his lips between his teeth as he wheezed, quickly signing, “Only for my king.”

“PLEASE PLÖTZE! Stop talking!” König, finally deciding he’d had enough, shot up from his seat and practically sprinted out of the room, almost bonking his head on the door frame on his way out. A moment later, he stormed back in and snagged his forgotten file awaiting him in Roach’s outstretched hand before turning back out.

Biting his lip, Soap muttered, “Interesting…” to himself, eyeing the Austrian’s retreating form before flicking back over to Roach. The Brit was already looking at him, probably having heard him being sat next to him. He winked with a devilish smirk, and practically purred, “S’alright, happens tae th' best o' us.”

.

.

.

A few days shy of their next mission, and the birth of the newest Riley, the gang gathered around their living room for one last game night before Roach, König, Soap, and John departed for another mission. Roach and König were less than pleased to be missing the birth of their godson, but it couldn’t be helped.

Kyle placed a red eight down on the stack of cards, ending his turn. “C’mon, mate, what’s the wildest thing you’ve done on a mission?” he prodded, raising a brow in Simon’s direction. “You know all our stories. It’s only fair.”

The two shared a knowing look, and Freyja giggled once before Kyle interrupted, “Besides that, you heathens.”

Simon pressed against the kitchen chair he had dragged in for himself, seriously considering what he would consider the most outlandish activity he had partaken in outside of combat. Particularly, that didn’t involve screwing his wife in places they shouldn’t, like public places, sniper lookouts, cars, or supply closets…

Before he could drift too far, he caught the saucy side-eye his wife was throwing him from her deep armchair.

“No.”

Soap peeked up from his hand with a quirked brow. “Does Ghostie have an embarrassing secret? Now we have to know!”

“It’s not a secret, and I’m not embarrassed by it just because I don’t flaunt it around,” he said, shot back the rest of his whiskey, and replaced his mask. Simon didn’t always wear it with their friends; he just so happened to feel inclined to it that night. There was no rhyme or reason as to when he needed the comfort; the urge just came and went as it pleased. 

He tried his best to sound completely disinterested, hoping the discussion would blow over as he threw down his card. “Blue.”

Unfortunately, his plan did not work, and all interest in their game of Uno was lost. Kyle threw his hand down on the table, completely giddy. “WHAT IS IT?! TELL US!”

Simon groaned, throwing his cards at his wife, who simply laughed. “See, look what you did.” He sighed and begrudgingly unhooked his mask from behind his ears, tossing that at her too. After a beat, he let his tongue loll out, revealing a silver ball.

Several (if not all) of their jaws dropped, save for Freyja’s, who was utterly thrilled that this was happening.

Johnny was the first to speak. “Is…that…” he stuttered, staring unabashedly in disbelief. 

He snapped his mouth shut again once everyone had had a decent look. “Alright, can we move on please–”

The Scot pounced across the space, clearing the coffee table as he knocked Simon out of his chair, taking them both down into a heap on the floor. They wrestled as he tried to dig his fingers into Ghost’s mouth and pry it open again. “LEMME SEE!”

“JOHNNY!” Simon roared, bucking and thrashing his hips in attempt to get the man off, but he quickly scooted up until he sat firmly on his chest, knees pinning his shoulders as he yanked the piercing back out.

“Awe, so that’s why you’re always fuckin’ like horny teenagers! Oh, ah bet that feels good on your cu-”

“SHUT UP, SOAP!” “THAT’LL DO!” 

Freyja whipped her slipper at Johnny’s head, which he swiftly dodged. Meanwhile, Gaz was face down on the floor, having a fit and struggling to breathe. Price looked like he would actually rather die than endure another moment of the scene unfolding at his feet. Kӧnig was carefully weaving between people and furniture to remove Soap before he got hurt, and Roach stayed in his spot, mouth open in silent laughter.

Thank God Joanie was a heavy sleeper.

“Are you gonnae sit there ‘n tell meh that a’m wrong? A husband should always eat arse!”

“JOHNNY, OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

Kyle finally caught his breath and cut back in, “But does it WORK?!”

Everybody froze, including Kӧnig, whose hands looped under Johnny’s armpits, about to extract him. From underneath him, Simon glared up at his wife (who started this whole fucking mess). “Freyja–”

But Freyja, being the brat she is and loving the chaos, “…It works.”

Simon covered his face with both of his now freed hands, so utterly sick of her shit as the sergeant shook his shoulders, he and Gaz both screaming like madmen. Kӧnig still hovered over them, ready to remove Johnny if Simon called for it, his red hair up in a neat top knot at the crown of his head. A few strands hung loosely by his ears and at the peak of his forehead, framing his pale skin.

“AAAAAYYYYYY, SO YOU DO GIVE GOOD HEAD!”

He removed his shield at that, looking up at Johnny with a confused expression. “Who said I don’t give good head?”

Price flinched with a crinkled nose and grabbed his hat from the back of the couch. “That’s my cue.”

“Scary guys either have monster cock or scary good head,” Kyle stated as if it were pure fact.

“But he has both.”

“I can’t fucking take this.” Simon finally shoved at Johnny and the Austrian lifted him with ease, standing the Scot back on his feet.

Soap dusted off his pants. “Damn, you’ll have’ta get one’a those, Köni,” he teased and turned to face the giant, looking up at him with a boyish grin. 

König’s skin, ever the shy one, immediately painted itself a rosy hue, unable to be hidden by any hood or mask. Even Roach was taken by his brashness and turned a little pink himself, choosing to sip his drink. König was, unfortunately, frozen in place, wide eyes staring down at Johnny’s proud face.

Three seconds pass.

Then two more.

Then three again.

“OH MY GOD, THAT WAS THEM?! The threesome you told me about a few weeks ago, was them?”

With nowhere else to go, König collapsed onto the couch and pulled the neck of his sweater over his face. “Verdammter Himmel, Johnny…” If he could crawl into a hole and die, he would.

“What can ah say? M’services are world-class.”

“Can confirm,” Roach added, having put his glass down so he could use both hands to talk.

Johnny raised a brow and dragged his eyes from Roach’s shoes, slowly up his shins, then his thighs and chest before settling on the challenging smirk on his freckled face. “‘S that so?” he asked, stepping into the space between Roach’s knees and the table.

Roach simply nodded, looking up at his boyfriend through hooded lashes, resembling a lovesick puppy with shocking accuracy. He knew exactly what he was doing, too, the tip of his tongue poking out between his teeth. Roach was a…talented flirt, to say the least.

His glass was carefully removed from his hand and placed on a coaster. Without a second thought, Soap wrapped his fingers around Roach’s wrist, dragged it behind his neck, and tossed the man over his shoulder. Gaz gaped, completely dumbfounded into silence – flabbergasted, if you will. He paused in the entryway, looking over his opposite shoulder.

“You comin’, Kö?”

König, still tucked away in the corner of the couch, peeked out from the cocoon he had created with his sweater. Even his forehead was tinged red, still. He openly stared for a bit before mustering up enough courage to rise again, and in an impossibly meek voice for such a large man, replied, “...Yes, sir,” and loosely tangled their fingers together.

Kyle threw his hands up then dropped them onto his head, dragging his cap back a bit. “WHAT IS GOING ON?!”

Freyja offered a sympathetic pat, her bottom lip jutted out. Poor Simon, who had returned to his seat, covered his mouth with one palm as he tried to contain his chuckles. He pulled his mask back on after retrieving it from the floor.

“Don’t worry, Gaz,” she said and poked his cheek. “We’ll find you a nice girl.”

“I GET AROUND FINE!” He swatted her hand away, glowering at her. “You’re all just a bunch of slags!”

He jumped up, abandoning his beer and putting his hat back in place. “Where’s my niece? I need to restore my innocence,” he grumbled, trudging upstairs.

“Simon, did he just call us sluts?”

“Yes, darling.”

taglist: @esthervalea, @miss-leto, @sweetestcowboy, @blueoorchid, @apocalypticseagull, @eatingtheworldsoffanfiction, @covenlovenn, @330bpm-whiplash, @gnoccheyy, @jaggernauticals, @dwkfan, @untoldshortsofthefandomsdoms, @bobfloydsgf, @maviee, @thomaslefteyebrow, @kyovy, @prodyng, @scout-fang, @avalkyrieofparis, @misshoneypaper, @berryjuicyy, @voteforpedropascal, @beakami, @addictedtothefictionalworld

Copyright © 2023 as-is-above-so-below. All rights reserved.

[shares-a-vest]

can i ask where you get your inspo for your joanie munson series? i want to write more fics for emma but i dont really have, to put it lightly, good childhood memories or experiences so im not really sure how to make them realistic or "cute"

Hi CJ! Thank you so much for the ask and for supporting my little Joanie Munson AU. I LOVE seeing you pop up in my notifications when I write about her 💖 Tbh, I’m a little like squeeee someone is asking about my writing, right now!

Okay, before I delve into some rambling about my Joanie Munson AU, I just want to give a shout-out to everyone for getting through childhood crappiness, whatever it may be. Sending you all (and you, CJ) the biggest hugs.

Sooooo I don’t actually draw inspo from real-life experiences. Nothing that happened with Joanie happened to me and a lot of this AU is driven by me wanting to give Steve and Eddie a loving little family that is all cute and silly and filled with love.

The only thing miiiight come from real life is the fact that most fics are set at Steddie’s apartment or someone’s home. As a kid, my family were pretty housebound because I was sick and even now my life circumstances have me living in a bit of a small bubble – it’s all good btw, but I’m just trying not to give details, so apologies if this part reads a little too vague!

With only a couple of exceptions, most of this AU has developed via community events/prompts.

Right now, I’m working my way through each of the Flufftober Spring Prompts. I try to treat this AU as I would any other prompts – just starting with a super basic idea, maybe even a line of dialogue that gets in my head and seeing where it goes.

For example, the ‘Daisies’ prompt. I knew I wanted Joanie to be making daisy chains with Claudia. Then I thought it could include Wayne, then I wrote from his perspective, then added this silly side Steddie moment. And I always keep in mind how I have this AU set up (even if a lot of those ideas are just sloshing around in my head for now).

Like, Joanie’s grandparent figures are Claudia and Wayne, so what’s her relationship/dynamic like with them? How does Joanie’s personality shape the ficlet too? How is she like Steve and/or Eddie personality-wise in this situation? What parts of her are just your average excitable kid?

I know that overall, I want to keep this AU fluffy and silly. It sometimes falls into angst territory when I start writing about Steve’s parents but I can never bear to leave my Blorbo sad for too long.

Tbh, some comments/tags on my Flufftober Spring writing have me thinking about the meta aspects of this AU in ways I hadn’t before. It’s not like I pre-planned writing a Steddie Dads AU btw, I just fell into it after one ficlet and started to build it out from there. And even things I find myself writing about then sort of become an ongoing thing – if that makes sense. Like Joanie owning a Furby and the silly saga of that has appeared three times now.

The comment on THIS ficlet perfectly sums up an underlying… theme??? I guess, in this AU (Steddie healing their inner child, which BRB SOBBING 😭). Another tag by @marvel-ous-m on this one beautifully described this AU as ‘slices of life’ which it very much is, and I enjoy sticking to that. I guess what I’m getting at with all this is using your own parameters and the interior world of your Emmaverse AU to your advantage.

Gosh I hope this reads okay and isn't too rambling!! I love your Emmaverse and can't wait to read more of it.

Feel free to reply, send more asks or DM (if you want, no pressure of course!) I hope this was helpful in some way 💖😊

[ghosts-of-love]

first off, i LOVED lost then found. its pretty much my favourite fic of all time. i reread it constantly, especially if i’ve had a hard time. i’ve just wondered, who did you picture joanie as? i picture her as being played by martha since she shares the names of debbie (of) maddox’s children and husband. again, love your writing!

-c

hello! thank you so much for this! it always makes me so happy to know that people reread my work, especially Lost Then Found which is, unbelievably, two and a half years old now!

i'm about to start rambling sorry. it is so valid to picture Joanie as Martha tbh because there are definitely some similarities and you're right that i gave her debbie's kids and husband (though i imagine peter looking different tbf!). the person who does look, to me, most like the Joanie in my head is Amy Adams, but only in certain photos where she looks more relaxed and like, less made-up for the cameras? idk she's got the perfect hair colour and face. Joanie does have more laughter lines though and the same nose as the Captain, and as i say in the first chapter i think, she's just started going slightly grey (but only just). if i could draw i would make this happen to show you!

and again, because she exists in my noggin, i find that most of the photos that look like her have a blurry quality to them or, again, tend to be of her when she's just milling around/behind the scenes photos from film sets.

in Lost then Found, she would look most like the bottom right photo, but older with shorter hair that's got some grey in. i'm feeling like a healthy sprinkle of Catherine Tate in there wouldn't go amiss? just a hazy, blurry version of those two mixed. she has the ability to look stern to tell kids (or the Captain) off but she also has the best sense of humour and you can tell that by her face completely, like in the two top photos.

i just love her a lot. my sweet sweet joanie etc. she is real to me 💖

[canyouhearthelight]

Leather Houses, Chapter 1

Mike lives in the same small, boring town he grew up in.  Then he gets a panicked call from his best friend, Joanie.  What originally seems like her overreacting turns into a nightmare that starts to consume their neighbors - and possibly them as well.

Another horror story.  Like any horror, there are some content warnings for this one.  I’m going to try to tag them, but just in case:

Body Horror (pseudo. Not actually bodies, but potential trigger)

Emetophobia (nothing graphic or on screen, but referred to)

Memory loss/Gaslighting

Blood mentions

Death (off screen)

I was originally going to post the first half of this, since it’s 4 parts total, but I want to see how well this part does before I post any more, since it’s such a departure from what I’m known for on here.

It all started in the most mundane way possible: my best friend, Joanie, called me in hysterics.  To be clear, she did this quite frequently.  Joanie was prone to getting worked up over the smallest things, like spilling water on her shirt, losing her sneakers for the third time in a day…. any little inconvenience.  Every molehill became the next Mount Everest when it happened to Joanie.  The only reason it was tolerable was the fact that, when things really got pear-shaped? She was rock solid in an actual crisis.  Just… not in the face of a stubbed toe.

As usual, I let her ramble until she ran out of breath. “Joanie. You know I can’t understand a word you’re saying when you’re this upset,” I sighed heavily. “Did someone send another letter about your house?”  She had bought her first house about a year prior and immediately painted the exterior a glorious tangerine color.  It made me smile every time I saw the absurd, shining beacon of her personality.

Her neighbors though? No smiles there.

A few sniffles came through the phone as she tried to calm herself down to a dull roar. “Michael.  I know I sound crazy, but please humor me.  Where is the closest grocery store?”

Confused, I played along. “It’s on the corner of Fourth and Maple.  Right where it’s been our entire lives.”  Sanderson, Vermont, clocked in at a robust 500 inhabitants, and not much in the way of shopping.  Fourth and Maple wasn’t just the closest grocery store – it was the only one we had.

“And who owns it?” she demanded.

“Uhhhh… I guess Max MacReady does now, but his parents used to.” I sat down and rubbed the back of my neck. “Joanie, what’s going on?”

“I ran out of coffee, so I headed over there to get some more. Normal day stuff.” I prepared myself for her to tell me the store was out of coffee, and preemptively started telling myself not to strangle her. “But when I got there, it was boarded up.”

“Wait, what – “

“Boarded up, Michael.  And it looked like it had been boarded up for years, if not longer.”  She was starting to cry again, and stopped to take a couple more deep breaths.  “I went to the library to ask Suzie Fuller about it, and she looked at me like I was speaking another language!  She swore there not only wasn’t a store there, but there never had been. And she told me she never heard of any MacReadys living in Sanderson.”

“Joanie,” I groaned. “That doesn’t make sense.  Everyone knows the MacReadys, she was just pulling your leg.”

“No. You don’t get to tell me I am over-reacting,” she nearly shouted. “I asked around.  Unless the entire town is in on the joke, no one here has heard of them.”

“Joanie – “

“Check the phone book,” she demanded. “I’ll wait.”

Swearing under my breath, I decided to humor her.  Sanderson had stopped printing phone books a while back, like most places I would imagine, but I had one from about twenty years ago under one leg of my kitchen table to keep it from scratching the floor.  I managed to pull it free and tucked my phone back into the crook of my neck. “Okay. Looking at the M’s…..”  I froze in my tracks. The list of names jumped straight from Mackintosh, Abigail, to Meyers, Thomas.  “Maybe they’re unlisted,” I pointed out. “I’ll grab one of my yearbooks.  Max was only a couple years ahead of us.”

“You think I didn’t try that, too?” Her voice was tinged with the kind of laughter that belonged at a funeral. “But go for it.”

It took a moment to find it, but eventually I had my high school yearbook from freshman year.  I flipped through the sophomore, junior, and senior classes, trying to find a photo of Max, but to no avail.  And it was clear that it wasn’t because his photo wasn’t taken – a handful of other students had placeholder silhouettes instead of actual photos.

Max just didn’t exist in the yearbook.

I was arguing with myself as much as with my friend at this point. “People don’t just stop existing,” I tried to explain.

“I know,” she sniffled. “But you’re the only other person I’ve found who remembers anyone in that family, or the store, ever existing.”

I was halfway through putting on my jacket before I even realized I had made a decision. “I’m going down there.  This has to be some kind of prank.”

“A prank wouldn’t change a fifteen-year-old yearbook,” Joanie pleaded. “Or a phonebook that isn’t even being printed anymore.”

“I have to see it for myself.  I’ll call you back.”

_______________________

On the walk over to the store, I constructed arguments in my head with whoever the person pulling this insane stunt was.  It was so mean-spirited, so cruel.  I couldn’t even imagine who in Sanderson was even capable of so thoroughly erasing someone’s entire existence.  Or better yet, why?  This was beyond witness protection level stuff – the movies always seemed like the person going into witness protection would ‘die’ and then suddenly a new person would move into a house across the country.  I was so focused on trying to figure out who was doing this, and why, that I was startled out of my thoughts only by one thing.

The door to the store wouldn’t open.

I realized that I had, on autopilot, walked all the way to the store and attempted to walk in like I had done thousands of times over the years.  But the door was locked, in broad daylight.  I gave it a couple more, experimental tugs, but it remained firmly closed.  A closer inspection showed a lockbox covering the deadbolt, the kind that realtors used when they were showing houses.

Slowly, I stepped back and looked around.  Joanie hadn’t been kidding when she said it had been boarded up for years. The signage was gone, paper lined the windows on the inside, and a few roofing tiles had blown away in one lopsided patch over the entrance.  Even the windows, which had been pristine and well lit the day before, showed yellowed cracks in a couple of spots – the kind of cracks that came from age and temperature changes, not from vandalism.  In one corner, close to the bottom of the glass, I found a place where the paper had been chewed away by a rat or something.  Kneeling carefully, I cupped my hands around the hole and peeked through.

What I saw sent me running in a panic to Joanie’s house.  When I got there, she opened the door while I was still pounding on it and yanked me into the house.  Now, I was the one babbling incoherently on her couch, while she poured me a glass of water and waited for me to stop. The inside of what had been my neighborhood grocery store the day before, was covered in decades of filth and rodent droppings.  This wasn’t possible.

“While you were seeing for yourself that I was telling the truth,” she glanced at me pointedly, “I did some digging.  Tax records, births and deaths, anything I could try to dig up online about the MacReady family.”

“Praise Google,” I murmured.

“Hold the hallelujahs,” she warned me. “Even online, they don’t exist. The store never existed, either.”

“Except it did.” I was about to fall to pieces. “We both remember it.”

“I know,” she sighed. “What I don’t understand is why we are the only two who do.”

________________________________________

Joanie and I spent every spare moment we had for the next week trying to find anyone else who remembered the grocery store being there, or any clue as to what was going on.  Online research was more frustrating than helpful; we kept finding information about something called the Mandela Effect.  Except, this wasn’t a moment in history that we weren’t part of, or the title of a kids book, or a TV show that we may have made up or mis-remembered as kids.  This was several generations of a family that suddenly vanished without a trace except the memories of two increasingly-frantic people.

Right when we were forced to give up asking questions or risk being hauled away to a hospital under a psychiatric hold, the entire story took another horrible turn: Suzie Fuller, the town librarian, vanished next.

She didn’t disappear from one day to the next, like the MacReady family seemed to. It was a Saturday, and I had arrived at the library early with a goal of digging through old newspapers on microfiche to see if anything similar had happened in Sanderson’s past.  Suzie was there when I arrived, still waking up and waving to me as she took a sip of her coffee.  Four hours later, when I was heading out to grab some lunch, the assistant librarian – Steven Holden – was there, instead.

“Hey Steve,” I greeted him, confused. “Suzie have to leave early? She okay?”

Steven just looked confused and laughed nervously. “Mike, what are you talking about? I’ve been here all day.”

“I swear I saw Suzie when I got here.”

“Dude… who the hell is Suzie?”

A finger of ice trickled down my spine, but I tried to bluff. “I have no idea,” I forced myself to smile and shake my head. “Maybe I’m just tired.  Too much research.”

The former-assistant librarian’s face cleared as he grinned. “I’ve been there.   Got too caught up binge-watching a TV show and called Eddie the wrong name one morning.”

I grimaced on cue. “Thankfully, I don’t have a spouse to piss off.  Just you to give me funny looks.”

“Take a break, man.”

“On it.” I gave a half-hearted salute and forced myself to walk calmly out the door and around the corner before I called Joanie

As soon as she picked up, I hissed at her frantically. “Who is the librarian in Sanderson?”

“Suzie – “ She cut off with a sob. “Oh god, Suzie?”

“Steve has never heard of her,” I whispered through clenched teeth.  “She was here this morning, when I walked in.  She had coffee in that huge travel mug she always carries, and that ugly floral dress she wears every damned Saturday like clockwork.”

“The cabbage roses,” Joanie affirmed half-heartedly.

“Right.  I thought she had just gone home early.  Maybe she was sick, I don’t know. But no, Steve didn’t know who the fuck I was talking about.”

“I’m headed to your house,” she told me, tears in her voice. “I can’t be alone right now.”

“Way ahead of you,” I agreed. “You remember where the key is?”

“Yeah, the hanging plant across from the porch swing.”

“See you in a few.”

masterpost     next

[mystical-one]

Can you recommend me some of your favorite Joan, Bob or George songs? I’ve been in need of some new music lately lol

i absolutely can! It got a bit long so i put it under the cut :)

I'm not too familiar with Joan Baez's entire discography, but I really enjoy the album Baez Sings Dylan (I especially love her cover of Don't Think Twice It's Alright and Boots of Spanish Leather!). Also, I've said this before, but I loooove @harisontour's Fruity Joanie playlist <3

As for Bob's stuff, I have a pretty basic taste in his music but I really REALLY love the entirety of Nashville Skyline. Country Pie is apparently my most played song of all time on spotify (normal behaviour) and I reallly love To Be Alone With You. At the moment I'm also really obsessed with the album Highway 61 Revisited!!! ALSO, his live performances from 1975 are transcendental (stream Isis live at Boston Music Hall)

And George. WHERE do I start. I think my favorite album is between Gone Troppo (whence came my URL) and All Things Must Pass, but I also really love the album George Harrison from 1979 (Soft-Hearted Hana is another of my top songs <3). I'd reccommend checking out the ATMP 50th anniversary edition, since it has some lovely gems on it like Cosmic Empire and Going Down to Golders Green.

If you're already familiar with George's discography, I'd also reccommend checking out some of the rarer songs from the late 80s and early 90s like Cockamamie Business, Poor Little Girl, Sat Singing and Lay His Head, most of which aren't on spotify because they haven't been re-released yet but are SO good regardless.

Not to plug my own brand but I actually rated every George album a while back, if you're willing to delve into my insane little slideshow about it <3

Also, the entire Traveling Wilbury's discography is sooo good and I cannot reccommend it enough 🧘‍♀️

Sorry if this got too rambly or off-topic but I hope it helps a little! Good luck in your music travels :))

[purpleyin]

Savitar, Joe West, and/or E2 Killer Frost for the character opinion bingo. :D

Doing all 3 in my rambly way, but let's go with Joe West first.

I think Joe is a fairly solid character, who got a decent amount of depth early on in the show. I don't always agree with his character's choices (especially the over protectiveness in S1) but he has a good heart and it's clear he's always coming to things with good intentions. He's pretty likeable too, I've rarely come across anyone who dislikes him, though I've seen a few which surprised me!

The 'wasted potential' is minor and more related to the mid seasons. S1/2 had great stuff for Joe but I feel like it's s3/4/5 had much less and it was mainly focused on him and Cecile rather than just Joe. Less in S5 was unavoidable due to the actor's injury but I remember there was a whole other plot that got scrapped about Joe finally getting a new partner and it was a real shame we didn't get to see that with him. I've only seen til mid S6 and it sounds like he gets more to do with his promotion recently at least so I look forward to seeing what more he gets when I finally catch up with the show.

I think we don't get to see him being a dad to Wally, Jenna (maybe even Joanie?) as much as we should. Like, we occasionally still get him giving his nuggets of wisdom to Barry, Iris, and sometimes Caitlin as a sort of father figure for her, but I'm trying to remember when him and Cisco last had a good talk, it feels too long but maybe I've forgotten some.

I don't know if it's gotten better more recently but I think he did in the past also fall foul of becoming the writer's exposition character, in the sense that he's one of the non-scientist characters who prompts the explanations. Sometimes that did a bit of a disservice to his character I think, that he's often made to be the confused person in the room, since he is smart in others ways; he's quick witted, must be good at logic/deductive reason given he's a detective and good enough to get promoted as well, and he's got some impressive social skills, he's good at advice and talking people round gently usually. I think mainly though it would really have been nice to see more of Joe at his day job in those mid seasons and also him outside his work and Team Flash, in a capacity other than just his dating Cecile. I'd say where are Joe's hobbies and friends, but none of the cast ever seem to have outside friends except when the writer's want someone new to kill off/become a villain...

Now for Earth-2 Killer Frost

I enjoyed most of what we got with Earth-2 Killer Frost, though I was always curious if - after what we got on E1 with Frost and Caitlin sharing a body - that meant there was a Caitlin pushed to the back of her mind on E2, suppressed instead of Frost. I occasionally think about writing fanfic for her but mostly I stick to thinking about E1-Caitlin and Frost to be honest.

There were also all sorts of interesting angles about metahumans on Earth-2 and possible discrimination coming from Harry's well-intentioned 'detectors' for safety that might have been why her, Reverb and others felt they had to join Zoom, or were bitter enough about their treatment to. But it did feel like they just went for her being evil, because, and I would have liked to know more there - I suspect the writers didn't know why any more than they do for E1-Frost's arc.

I really disliked how they offed her, that felt anti-climatic for such a powerful character and just used to shock Caitlin more as if being abducted etc wasn't trauma enough for her end of S2 arc. I think it could've been fun to keep her around for occasional appearances, possibly even become a sometimes anti-hero ally for Earth-2. But then I would also have really loved it if we'd gotten an E2 spin off with Jesse and Jay, that had occasionally appearances from E2 Barry, Iris, Harry, Wally etc. Not likely but it would have been fun, you know.

And saved for last, Savitar.

Anyone who's seen my The Flash fics back catalogue isn't gonna be surprised that this was one of the characters that got on my brain majorly. I love time-travel, time-loops, all the timey-wimey-make-my-head-hurts overthinking of this stuff, and the added identity issues to boot is great. Plus, I love the meta about Barry versus Savitar. How such a good guy could turn so bad, it just fascinates me from an evolved characterization point of view and buttons had to be pressed down to push him over that edge. Also, I eat up angst and his character is just so damn tragic any plot with him comes with boatloads.

I know it's not popular to enjoy villains or spend so much time creating fanworks for them - in case people think you're condoning/romanticizing things - but part of why I like writing explanations for how he is (and in some cases more of a redemption arc) is precisely because he used to be Barry. I feel like the capacity for good/hope is still in there somewhere and the team canonically tend to give people 2nd chances etc, possibly more than they should.

Re: not enough screen time, we got a lot of suit/CGI Savitar but not enough of unsuited Grant playing him for my liking. It was so interesting to see how different he played Savitar. There was also a lot of wasted potential with the show just dropping the early S3 stuff for Dr. Alchemy and Savitar's followers with no resolution, and little ongoing link to Julian either, but I'd seen people blame switching show runners for that fault.

I think one of the reasons I'm rather attached to writing this character now and wanting to just do better than canon ever did - see the adoption papers square - is because they never explained his origin all that well. And the show continues to be ableist too where Savitar is just one example of that with how they treat his scars on multiple occasions. They also glossed over the speedforce prison causing insanity angle for his turning bad which seemed kind of relevant, not an excuse for what he does but certainly part of an explanation and something that seemed too throwaway in canon. There's the damage to his eye affecting him and Barry's likely PTSD that Savitar will only have so much worse with the timeline he came from, and both those make for interesting things to explore that canon clearly never will... so time for fics to instead.

[soshesighs]

Mid-Year Book Freak Out Tag

I honestly just don’t have anywhere to put this (though I might make a thread of my answers on twitter too, I’m still debating it), and I really wanted to answer and play along with the cool kids, so I’m tossing it up on here. All this is going to do is show off my indecisiveness, but hey ho. I like rambling about books. 

(Under a cut though because this got really long. Shocker.)

Best book you’ve read so far this year? I’m super late to the game, but Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas was definitely one of them that I finished and just wanted to kick myself for putting it off for so long. It’s such a beautiful, carefully written, inclusive story, and it deserves all the hype it’s gotten. Runners up: The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun, Love From Scratch by Kaitlyn Hill.

Best sequel you’ve read so far this year? Where the Drowned Girls Go by Seanan McGuire, probably! I’m the biggest fan of Wayward Children series, and every time we get a new novella, it feels like coming home. (Also, Seanan McGuire is doing some of the best work writing diverse main characters in the game right now, I swear.) Runner up: Saga #55 by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples, making a triumphant return after a nearly four year hiatus.

New release you haven’t read yet, but want to? I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston. Yes, I’m kicking myself that I haven’t picked it up yet. No, I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll get to it soon, I swear. Honestly. Runner up: Book of Night by Holly Black.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year? There is no simple answer here. You get a list: Nine Liars by Maureen Johnson Greywaren by Maggie Stiefvater Husband Material by Alexis Hall Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble by Alexis Hall Empty Smiles by Katherine Arden Stellarlune by Shannon Messenger

Biggest disappointment? Definitely The Temperature of Me and You by Brian Zepka. I got an ARC of this from NetGalley and was so excited about it (queer romance + super powers? sign me the hell up), and it just... it was so bad. It was a great premise, and probably could be a good book, but it needs so much work to get there. The plot is all tied up in a neat, incredibly unrealistic bow, and nothing is ever explained. Nothing makes any sense. Runner up: Gallant by Victoria Schwab, and that pains me to say. Look, I adore V, I really do, but this one was a bit of a let down in that not much happened. It’s very, very atmosphere-driven, very reliant on V’s lyrical prose over plot. Beautiful book to listen to (and hold a physical copy of - the illustrations are gorgeous), but a bit lacking.

Biggest surprise? Probably Bravely by Maggie Stiefvater. Brave was never my favorite Disney movie, but this was a great companion novel. Disney couldn’t have asked a better author to take on this book, given Maggie’s History degree focusing on early Scottish history, along with her knowledge-base of Celtic culture and mythology. I liked the ARC I read of it so much that I bought a physical copy as well. Runner up: The Audacity of Sara Grayson by Joani Elliott. I went into this knowing nothing about it really, no real expectations - it just happened to be the book of the month one month for my work book club - and it was a delight. A love letter to anxious writers with imposter syndrome, I swear.

Favorite new (to you or debut) author? Hmm. Can I say Rachel Smythe? I read the bind-up Volume One of Lore Olympus and loved every second of it. I wanted to dive right in to reading it all on webtoons, and I did start to after finishing the volume, but it fell to the backburner as life got hectic. But I just got Volume Two in the mail today, and I’m very, very excited.

Newest fictional crush? Benny from Love From Scratch (the pun game is so strong with this one, not to mention the sheer level of support he gives to Reese) or Mei from Under the Whispering Door (get you a girl who will jump to your defense with kitchen knives at the slightest need).

Newest favorite character? Charlie from The Charm Offensive. The mental health and diverse sexuality representation in this book meant a lot to me, but Charlie in particular... I’m not sure I’ve ever read a ‘romantic hero’ character, so to speak, that deals so openly and on-page with anxiety and depression and OCD and isn’t shunned or seen as unlovable for it, and I needed that.

Book that made you cry? Back to Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune again. So much crying, but in a good way, if that makes sense? The book centers on the stages of grief, so there’s a lot of talk about love and loss, about how to make the most of the time we have with people, about how it’s never enough time. Ever. And it made me sob, but then glued my heart back together again, and I loved every second of it.

Book that made you happy? Network Effect by Martha Wells. The Murderbot Diaries series is my go-to comfort reread - I’ve gone through the whole series five times, I think? In two years? Anyway, this is easily one of my favorite books of all time now, and the most satisfying reunion plotline I’ve ever read in a book. Period.

Most beautiful book you received or bought so far this year? The special edition Diviners Series (by Libba Bray) bind-up from The Bookish Box. This series was done incredibly dirty by the publishing industry and never given a full set of all 4 books in the same format (as in, all hardback or all paperback) with matching covers. There are... I think 4 different variations on covers for the series - they changed it that many times - but never was the full series done to match, ever. Two book boxes did gorgeous sets of them this year, but this one... this one is truly magical.

What books do you need to read by the end of the year? Ahahaha, so many. Again, you get a list, because I can’t pick just one or two: Ariadne by Jennifer Saint (Ariadne is my all-time favorite character from Greek mythology, and she is constantly forgotten. She got a whole book written about her and I haven’t read it yet, and honestly how?) Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson Something Fabulous by Alexis Hall A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall The Bronzed Beasts by Roshani Chokshi Beyond the End of the World by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner Wild is the Witch by Rachel Griffin (This is my only currently lingering ARC on NetGalley, so I need to get to it before early August, ahhhh.)

[foodlesoodlesdoodles]

Realizing I’m gonna have to elaborate on Joujis kids if I’m gonna draw more Kakyoin because Joel accidentally brought him back and by that time she’s died fighting and killing Time Man ™️ (the reason for all my crossover shit)

[poorguysheadcanon]

okay hi im back with more ideas for the cutest couple out there you know how they have that handshake? how did that come about? was elle just randomly like yes we need one right now ! or were they super sleepdeprived and redbull hyped?! i need to know

this has been sitting in my inbox for ages but honestly i see them at like 3AM, desperately trying to stay awake so Elle can get through one more chapter, and Elle suggests they take a brain break. Emmett assumes this means to take a nap or something but within a few minutes they have started to make a handshake. it starts as this silly thing but it actually sticks and they use it any time they need a little encouragement or if something particularly good has happened

[renegadeshroom]

something something if i had a dollar for every outwardly cheerful teenage sciencey nerd girl strongly associated with both the colour green and frogs, who had slightly more insight into a magical otherworld than their friends did before getting isekai'd, that got possessed by an evil amphibious alien with big horns during the final act of the story and effectively got taken out of said narrative for much of that chunk of the tale due to said possession while the bad guy used them to fight their friends something something but its fucked up that its happened twice

[waitingforgodets]

Meet me in the heat of summer

Under the Juniper tree

We’ll start a new life

And live ‘til 103

And I promise to love you forever

If you’ll do the same for me

[ghosts-of-love]

only a hundred words i'm afraid x( but i really really love this passage and would love to get your commentary on it :D hope your holiday is off to a good start!

And amongst that, the three of them always meet for lunch every Friday at Kitty’s Café. The Captain makes sure to maintain his façade of careful neutrality when listening to Pat’s stories, not reacting to them with any more or less emotion than a good friend would. It’s a tough line to walk, but he manages it. 

It’s often not just a Pat thing. For example, it is important to him that he doesn’t let any of his friends know how humorous he finds them, except for the eponymous Kitty of Kitty’s Café, and that’s only sometimes, in his moments of weakness. 

Okay so! I know this is a short bit so I'm not going word for word or anything but I've somehow still got a lot of thoughts about it! apologies for what is definitely the most rambling and incoherent response i've ever achieved 😅😅

I think the thing here is that, in the same way that in the Ghosts Archive book the Captain reveals he thinks he has bad posture - this Captain thinks that he must have a very expressive face - it is something he realised as a teenager and tried his best to get rid of going into adulthood. And honestly, yeah he's right, people can tell when he's annoyed or bored quite easily - teachers would call him out on it in class, which is how he realises. It's not a problem as he grows up until he gets closer friends (ghosts gang whoop whoop) and Pat.

I feel like at some point in the past, the early days of their friendship, Pat told a story and the Captain let out an uncharacteristic 'my god, that's outrageous!' and it was so surprising to everyone that he saw them all exchange confused looks - he took it to be a negative thing, whereas they were all just like, 'woah hey, this guy can be expressive??'. I know I didn't mention the other ghosts in this fic but they are there and all friends - I'd hoped mentioning Kitty was enough to show that haha. Anyway later in the bathroom mirror at home and he imagines then studies his own face and thinks 'oh god, i look ridiculously enamoured, everyone must know'. and it's at that point that he knows he's gotta try harder to hide it (at this point Pat is still married and he doesn't want anyone's pity about being in love with a married man, and then Pat is getting divorced and he doesn't want anyone's judgement for being in love with a soon to be divorced man, it's all very complicated, and there's never a good time to admit anything to anyone).

and then whenever he puts on his neutral listening face, he's sitting there nodding and thinking 'i am getting a good grade in friend' etc until it becomes second nature to him after so many years.

it's also like. if he reacts to everyone with the same level of emotion (or lackthereof) then he can never be accused of favouring anyone. but also, they can all definitely see through him. they see the little smiles he does, they see how careful he is around Pat, they might not fully understand why, but they share looks and in the early years they talk about it behind his back (not in a bad way, just in a slightly concerned way) until they forget a bit too and becomes normal for them all.

And along with the being-in-love-with-Pat bit, you've also got that kind, fatherly side to Cap - which we also see when they're hanging out with Joanie's children over Christmas but yeah - that he doesn't want to show to his friends because he thinks it makes him vulnerable. man's not really got a father figure to speak of, so...

Not to be cringe but I actually based this small passage (and all the thoughts and feelings behind it) on specific people in my family and how we all interact - my mum, uncle and granny. they just. idk how to explain it. but the bit about not letting his friends know how funny he finds them is basically what i can only assume is going through my family's heads too. it feels like it's always a competition to be the funniest person in the room, but it can't be loud, outrageous humour. it's like a quiet, dry, clever wit and you've won the family gathering if you get a sensible chuckle out of everyone else who is otherwise pretending they don't find you funny. this makes it sound like i don't like them - they are the better side of the family and i love them so much. but yeah, i often base a lot of the Captain's family dynamics on my own because i think it fits well with his character in a modern au.

I also think in this fic (and all of my fics to be honest) the Captain spends a lot of time trying to make Pat laugh in a similar sort of way (a bit like he does in the show, a bit like my family does) and then quietly (proudly) smiling a little to himself, but only after checking that other people are laughing too so that he can pass it off as laughing at his own joke.

And then, obviously you've got Pat's perspective which is that they're best friends and they're very close and he's met his family and they love him and they have weekly lunches (with Humphrey but still) but the Captain always seems tense in a way he's always had to explain as anxiety or autism or something he can't understand and may never. Ironically the only times he doesn't seem that way are when they're alone together, because the Captain is thinking less about how he's being perceived, and he's able to relax and be more himself.

crikey that was a lot of words and i don't think that any of it actually makes sense haha! i hope that you got something from it though and if you want me to explain anything else more then i can definitely try!!

also my holiday was BRILLIANT thank you for asking!!