#jonny give me more content about their time at university!!!!!!

[elizaisdunn]

college era Jon 🎓📚

[starrypawz]

❝  have you ever had something…missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞ for Johnny and Lucas? :eyes:

Prompts AO3 @the-passenger-if

Happy Passenger Game Eve, it's been a fun journey following this game since 2019 and Pime thanks for letting me run amock with your creation as I make my own very niche content from it and hopefully there's much more to come 💜

The voice of the budget Sagan has trailed into silence followed shortly by the sound of the projector winding down. The sparsely populated theatre had been quickly vacated leaving them bathed in silence, alone and the only light the dull glow of the exit sign and the dull lights on the stairs. 

Lucas leans into Jonny’s shoulder. 

“I don’t think they’ve changed that show since I was in 6th grade,” Jonny mumbles and Lucas gives a faint snort. 

“Was that the last time you saw it?”

“No,” Jonny pauses, “Last time I… wasn’t really paying attention to it,” 

“Are you trying to tell me I’m not the first person you’ve taken here to take advantage of the fact it’s a dark room,” Jonny snorts, “No… I uh was you know-” “Oh” “Yeah,” Jonny clears his throat and Lucas gives a knowing chuckle, “Mostly stared at the colours,” squeezes Lucas’s shoulder gently as he pulls him in closer. 

It’s little effort for Lucas to climb over the arm of the seat  into Jonny’s lap and Jonny pulls Lucas in for a kiss and sighs into it as his hands settle into that sweet spot on Lucas’s hips. 

Lucas kisses back, but Jonny finds it… lacking. He’s well aware by this point of the various ways Lucas enjoys teasing but… this doesn’t quite feel like it.

“Lucas?”

“Yeah darlin?”

“You…” He sighs a few potential sentences bubble up and then pop immediately before he settles on, “Ok? I mean are you ok?” 

“I’m,” Lucas pauses as also for him a few potential sentences bubble up and then pop immediately, “I don’t know,”

Jonny tenses up

“I just… I feel kind of weird,”

“Weird?” Jonny catches his lip, “Like sick or?”

Lucas shakes his head, “Just… weird,” 

Weird is probably the understatement of the century. But the word both seems to encompass everything and explain nothing. 

“Do…. Should we get out of here?” Jonny swallows, “Like… need some air?” 

Lucas mumbles a no, shifts position so he’s tucked under Jonny’s chin and sighs softly as he feels Jonny’s fingers slip under the back of his shirt and start running circles on the small of his back. 

Lucas doesn’t even know where to start. His mind is seldom quiet at the best of times (Even on the best days he’s aware of that spot right at the base of hisnothecaket’s skull where the spine comes out and he’s got a grip right there, most of the time it feels like fingers, on a bad day it feels like he’s got the casket’s skull in his maw and then he just needs to bite down and he’ll puncture through and sever everything like in that documentary on lions in a highschool biology class.  Right now his thoughts feel tangled, like that time when the thecasketnohe was five and the Christmas lights had come out and they were tangled up all weird and somehow he’d sat there with Livvy and mom having to untangle them. 

(And Lucas had actually been pretty good at it, and they’d said that “Dad” has been pretty good at it and implied maybe he’d got it from them and Lucas hadn’t known if he wanted to revel in smugness at their ignorance or feel guilty about this whole situation) 

The show had started, a ten minute express tour of the seeming known universe (If only they knew) and as it progressed Lucas had found himself increasingly becoming unmoored whilst watching the cosmos roll on by reminding him of how he’s barely fits into these bones and it makes them ache and how everything here is small, so small not even a tiny dot within the eyes of what he actually is and how by the the time one of those four eyes blinks all of this would’ve been birthed and died and he wouldn’t have even noticed and how everything he feels is dulled but also too much at the same time and… 

“You…” Lucas begins as he grabs onto a stay thought like a lifeline,  “You ever feel like something’s missing?” 

“I…” Jonny pauses, “Is this… a trans thing?”

“No… kind of… not ugh,” Lucas catches his lip as he tries to pull something useful out of his tangled Christmas lights thoughts, “It’s… about everything,” 

“About everything huh?” Jonny huffs.

“Yeah,” Lucas sighs, “Everything just… feels weird sometimes? I guess, I don’t know, like… inside something feels wrong and you can’t quite work out what it is”

“I… I get it,” Jonny offers up with a sigh. 

You don’t A part of Lucas says You really really don’t

The projector whirs back to life and the film grain overlain starfield reappears with a burst of music where someone’s gone a little too heavy on the synthesiser  and the budget Sagan begins its narration of the vastness of the universe and the smallness of this planet he’s ended up on all over again and Lucas clings tighter onto Jonny and Jonny presses a kiss to the top of Lucas’ head. 

“It feels less like it when I’m around you,” Lucas mumbles and Jonny holds him closer. 

Homesick, the word comes to him some time later. 

Homesick.

[mamahersh]

I have been left on a cliffhanger, and now I understand in some small measure how people felt in the gap between MAG 185 and 186. What a great cliffhanger tho, with Jon phasing out and Martin nodding along till he realizes he's alone and the tape ends.

Quick commentary tho on the actual content of today's three eps: 

I find that most statements in S5 this far have generally fallen in one if two categories: the ones that are there for the "message" and the ones to help push along elements of the plot. Generally there wasn't much overlap in the first half of the season, but now that we're pushing into the endgame there's def some more overlap occurring. Admittedly MAG 183 (Monument) falls more into the former than the latter category but we do get the introduction of Martin's "personal journey" plot arc leading up to the entrance of London. But more to the point, I enjoyed Monument in part because having gone through a Bachelor's degree in Physics at a smaller state University, you tend to bump into at least one or two of the type of people that were stuck in the Monument. Admittedly, none of the professors I knew were ever that cartoonishly prideful, but there was always that one female Dr. who would give out reprimands if she was ever addressed as anything else if you messed up more than once. But also not to say that professors and doctors who are that cartoonishly prideful don't exist, just means I was lucky enough to have never met them while I was in school. I will say, seemed a *bit* sexist to imply all the academically prideful wankers in the tower were all men, but I get it; most people who go to those lengths for their academic careers generally *are* men and particularly those who would fear being so very very wrong... Well I get. I don't agree, but I get it.

Now that I've alienated my audience, MAG 184 (Like Ants) is almost serendipitous in relation to MAG a day: two Corruption statements in one day? what’re the odds? But in any case, this was a great set up for revealing Jon's other major power relating to other people in the apocalypse... Upgrading people from Watched to Watcher. You may ask, "if Jon's trying to be better, why would he curse someone to Avatarhood?" Well for a lot reasons, most of which he explains in the episode, but I think a reason that was too... Basic? To be spoken would be he was curious to see what would happen exactly and wanted to give the gift to someone he cared about personally. Listen, this man has been asking questions since we met him and after he Became it got 10 times worse. Even in the Apocalypse he's been asking questions it's just now he has instant access to all the answers that the Eye has. So do you really think Jon, if given the choice between less guilt and getting his questions answered, would ever actually choose "less guilt"? Thank for listening to my TED talk.

Gosh, I loved though how *finally* Martin seems to be realizing at least a little where Jon's coming from. Yeah yeah, unlawful detainment, Jonny feeling the need to apologize for it getting too real... Listen it's appreciated but hilariously enough it was a "bit too real" with war flashback central back in 163. Anyways, back in topic, 185 was great because Martin finally connects the dots on why Jon isn't smiting everything he sees and why he hasn't been raising everyone they bump into to Avatarhood. Why the domains perpetuate even without a guiding hand and what happens when they are *truly* removed of their foundational fear.

But what interests me more is how Martin tries to decide whether the inspector should be "lifted up". Martin has always tried to make the world a better place after the end, and it's interesting that he seems to think that that means people should strive to be better people to do so. Not happier, not necessarily less Fearful, but going ever towards a world where Love outweighs Fear as a grand whole. So when given the choice of potentially lessening one man's suffering but forcing him to instead subsist on the suffering of others, he asks Jon whether the man would enjoy that new existence of living on other people's suffering? Jon basically says yes, based on the man's previous behaviour and outlook before the apocalypse, he more than likely would, and so Martin judges the man and tells Jon to leave him. So instead of lessening the man's suffering but ultimately encouraging him to be a worse person by "rewarding" his previous bad behavior and allowing him to feel good about hurting other people; Martin chooses to keep that man in suffering so that when him and Jon eventually save the world, he can come out of it potentially having realized that what he had been doing was wrong because had had suffered like that himself.

Martin, in this choice, has learned that him and Jon have basically been given the power of deities: to judge if someone is worthy of less suffering, and then to make it so they have greater responsibility, if a similarly miserable existence. Martin has made the choice that he would rather people do not live if they are to subsist off the suffering of others, particularly if they enjoy it. And if I've heard the rumors about the next episode correctly, Martin will discuss with himself the full implications of his world view to their logical conclusion and I actually can't wait to discuss it.

EDIT: I revised the MAG 184 section a bit because I had forgotten (somehow) that Timothy Hodge and Jordan Kennedy were two very different people lmfaooooo.

[tma-ficrec]

Five All Time Mod Recs

To start off this blog, we decided to submit ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known and show y’all our TMA top fic recs!

These are fics of very different premises and categories that stayed with us and soothed our souls. Feel free to ask for more recs (or more specific stuff) because we’re definitely not done. Enjoy!

Mod Ami:

Statement Ends  by @martivist 4k words. Jonmartin. Angst. Post-canon AU. Ending Speculation. Lore speculation. S5 AU.

"Final statement of Jonathan Sims. The Archivist. Statement given… I think it’s June? We haven’t done very well counting time since the days stopped. Summer 2019, call it that. Statement begins.

We’ve found a way to send them back where they came from. All of them."

Forty-some years after the apocalypse abruptly ends, the final acts of Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood come to light.

Mod note: This fic... goddamit this fic. I read it halfway through s5 and I genuinely think this is one of the best endings the show could have had. It hit all the points Jonny made and then some. This fic is pain, yes, but the best kind.

Ninety Feet To Home by @judesstfrancis 33k words. Jonmartin. No Powers AU. Baseball Players AU. Fluff. Pining.

Jon isn’t really Martin Blackwood’s biggest fan. And he knows it’s a him problem, because it’s not like Blackwood is a terrible person or like he loses on purposes just to ruin Jon’s life, but he can’t help it. In his defense, if you were on a hot streak and the same person kept coming in and ruining it for you every single time, you'd harbor a bit of resentment towards them, too.

Mod note: I’m so obsessed with this AU that I broke my vow of not making fanart for TMA and made fanart of it. Yeah. Sue me. It’s the perfect levels of pining, ridiculousness and it brought me (an argentinian whose only baseball reference is the HSM musical number) tremendous joy. As the us-statians would say: home fucking run. ALSO, MARTIN BLACKWOOD IS LATINOOOOO.

Maybe not the stuff of legend by imperfectcircle. 14k words. Jonmartin. Post-canon AU. S5 AU. Ending Speculation. Lore speculation. Angst with a Happy Ending.

Martin forgets slowly at first, and then all at once. One moment he's grasping at memories, desperate without knowing why to retain even a single image of an angry, scarred stranger saying incomprehensible things about eyes, and the next, nothing. He can't even remember what had him so anxious just now. A car alarm, probably, or a dog barking in the distance. He's always startled easily.

Mod note: I still quote it to myself from time to time. ‘’Martin, you ate the megalodon’’ makes me giggle and also terribly sad. This is an excellent way of exploring entities lore, as well as grief and hope. 

the garden of forking paths by @bibliocratic. 49k words. Jonmartin. Post-canon AU. Ending Speculation. Angst with a Happy Ending. Use of Spiral Doors.

Whatever he had predicted might happen, Jon wasn't expecting to survive upon demolishing the Panopticon. He certainly wasn't expecting to be rescued.

Instead, he wakes up in an alternative universe where he's never been the Archivist, and Martin Blackwood doesn't exist.

Martin Blackwood wakes up somewhere else entirely.

Mod note: I’m argentinian and the major element in this story is a Borgues book. OF COURSE IT’S HERE. This fic is an absolute ride and so so so beautiful - multiple universes and Jon and Martin doing the same thing over and over and over again, with hope of finding each other.

Family, Found  by Dribbledscribbles. Gen fic. 9k words. S4 Divergent. Canon Divergence. 

It’s Basira who catches onto it.

The collective shift that seems to come over them when heading in or out of the Institute. Not just the oppressive sensation of being observed, their every move catalogued for the voyeuristic cravings of some unseen Eye(s). That feeling remained with them even when they left the Institute these days, but it was always stronger inside its walls. That wasn’t the change. Nor was it the point.

The point was: making life worse for Jonathan Sims.

Mod note: Do you want to hit the Eye? Do you want all the Entities’s plans to be twarted by the power of found family? Do you want everyone who blamed Jon for everything in S4 to sit down and apologise? This is your fic.

Mod Ebby:

the apple of the eye by  gocrazygostupid. 2.8k words. Fluff. Lore speculation.

TELL ME, ARCHIVIST

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SONG?

i'm not sure. i don't really get the chance to listen to music

if i told you, what would you do with it?

Mod note: I am absolutely weak towards any fic that gives the Entities some form of sentience, no matter what canon said. Especially when these interactions are so surprisingly soft. 

I WOULD PLAY IT

I WOULD LISTEN

in the chillest land and on the strangest sea by  imperfectcircle and raven (singlecrow). 19k words. S4 Divergent. Canon divergence, in the space between 159-160

Jon remembers a statement he read years ago given by a Jesuit priest, who said that the shortest prayer he knew was, just, fuck it, as in fuck it; it's in God's hands. He takes Daisy's hand and trails on after her.

or; hope is a thing with feathers.

Mod note: Everytime I read this fic, I end up at least a little teary eyed. It’s not exactly happy, more bittersweet, considering, but I still love it.

Come Love This World (Come Hate It, Too) by cedarbranch. 3.3k words. Character Study, fluff and angst, spans s1-5. Canon Compliant. 

Jon never liked poetry, until Martin.

Mod note: Yes I am picking fics that personally came for my heart one way or another, not much else to say, besides that “it feels like loving you” haunts me still to this day, in a good way.

i love you, i'm glad i exist by kissyourlocalmoth. 1.7k words. Scottish safehouse period. Fluff.  Established relationship.

Martin was thinking of a poem. It’s name sat on the tip of his tongue, aching to get out. It was a lovely one, too: something about how life felt easy now, at peace; how the small things felt like everything, a poem about… the importance of the little moments. These last few days had been like that, he thought. He couldn’t stop smiling to himself recently, and even Jon teased him about it sometimes, though he was hardly less giddy. He thought of the immense joy the little things brought him now, the mugs of tea they made for each other, how he would lay in their bed late at night staring at the ceiling, his love nestled against his chest, overflowing with so much contentment and fondness he did not know what to make of himself.

Mod note: Short and sweet, it was the first time I read that particular poem, and now it’s forever intertwined in my head with little scenes of jon and martin in the scottish safehouse before 160 happens.

exit wound by autoclaves. 3.1k words. Post-canon AU. Ending speculation.

Suppose there is a house on a hilltop. Suppose there is a story. There is always a story, and every universe is always expanding.

Mod note: I would’ve liked to tag this more, but it would probably spoil the twist it has. Reading back on it, the narration reminds me of the statement from 196, which I find fitting and a funny coincidence, considering. 

[thedreadvampy]

A few notes for people coming in through my Mechanisms posts:

Morgan (who plays Ivy Alexandria) is my big brother (big as in age, he's shorter than me 😊). His pronouns are he/him but Ivy's are she/her afaik. Also APPARENTLY he reads my TUMBLR still so hi Morgan I'm Exposed

Kofi (Marius) is my partner. Further back on the blog he's also sometimes referred to as Mechsam (because my other partner's name is Sam). Sometimes he tag searches Marius or the Mechanisms on here, you have been warned. also things you say to me I may mention to him so like. Bear in mind. I'm also working with him on art for his upcoming solo albums The Wassailant and The Death Of Byron Von Raum so I HOLD FORBIDDEN MARIUS LORE which I Will Not Be Revealing.

Yes I know the person who played Nastya, but they've asked to remain relatively anonymous so I will generally refer to them as Nastya or the Artist Formerly Known as Nastya and use neutral pronouns. Because of their request for privacy I will generally steer clear of talking about them as a person except in passing.

While I consider the other Mechs friends to varying degrees, at time of writing I don't think I've seen them since DTTM and we haven't seen much of each other in the last few years. so I'm not like. a direct line to Jonny or Tim or whoever

Which being said I'm not a direct line to anyone. if you want to ask Kofi something, he's on Twitter and happy to be @ed directly.

which being said, don't be weird about it. Kofi is a performer but he's also a person and it's been discomforting for him the few times strangers have approached him asking about our relationship or referencing conversations and injokes he and I have had.

I worked with the Mechs for a good few years on official art for albums and publicity (I did paintings for Once, Ulysses and High Noon, and the poster and logo for DTTM - Bifrost official character art was @evelynhewett) and I've been into the band since 2011. However I was never on the Discord or very active in fandom beyond live events and chatting with a few people, so my knowledge of Old Fan Lore is potentially limited.

I also did Kofi's makeup and styling for DTTM, you're welcome

the mechanisms are all dorks it's weird they're like. Famous People now.

Serious note: there are some deadnames/names that have fallen out of use on this blog bc I've been on here for the whole 9 year Mechs history. It goes without saying: please be cool about this and don't run around saying SO AND SO'S NAME USED TO BE X, and if you could flag it to me if you think you've seen something you shouldn't, that would be useful, bc it's weird to have long-defunct deadnames pop up in my notifs.

If you were gonna ask, the weirdest thing about the explosion of Mechs fandom is how many of you have photos of my brother as your icon bc I'm used to him being on Tumblr (he's not any more) and I keep thinking you're him at first glance.

If you would like to know more about the Mechanisms the people rather than the Mechanisms the characters, I have compiled and anonymised some of my favourite anecdotes here and you can play a game called Which Mechanism Did This Ridiculous Thing. u can send me your guesses I will neither confirm not deny but I will enjoy it

I'm not bothered by ships but I don't engage in shipping content among crewmates because Those Are My Friends. I won't give you shipping hcs (because I don't have any) and I would prefer not to hear yours.

Nothing I say is canon. the only thing that's meaningfully canon is what's in the albums and fiction published by the band. Also my memory is crap so sometimes I do misunderstand or misremember things and it's not my story to tell.

Having said which: there is no hard and fast Mechanisms canon, according to the band, everything each member writes/says is canon to their character but not necessarily to everyone (which I suppose means in Jonny's universe there is no tube sun)

also I started the tube sun fight in 2014 by accident (I thought Tube Sun was the only obvious take given that the whole band agreed Fort Galfridian was a cylinder) and have not backed down since and now you're all my accomplices in bullying Jonny which 😘👌If you're confused about anything Tube Sun I will explain Tube Sun I have a Lot of explanatory drawings kicking around from the original discussion and more recent conversations

PLEASE do not tag posts I make about the band members out of character as “lore” or “forbidden mechanisms lore” or stuff like that. let’s be clear here. it is not lore it’s gossip. I’m telling anecdotes about my friends. on this blog we maintain a separation between the Mechanisms as characters and the Mechanisms as Actual Human People Who Exist. the space pirate crew of the aurora are fair game but the 9 people who started a band in college are actual people who I know and who are part of my life and it is weird and uncomfortable when people take the things I say about my friends and build them into like. headcanons or fan lore or basis for speculation about their lives or whatever. do what you want on your own time but please respect that it’s weird for me to have my anecdotes about Actual People and our Actual Lives treated as juicy fandom content.

Additional note about TMA because apparently I have to say this: Just because I have in the past been friends with Jonny (and there hasn't been much overlap between when we socialised with each other much and when he did TMA) DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE ANY PARTICULAR INSIGHT INTO TMA. I had nothing to do with any element of the production, nor did Morgan or Kofi, I have had a grand total of one (1) conversation with Jonny in like 2017 about the podcast which can be summed up as 'I listened to your podcast' 'cool I don't really want to talk about it'. I have no special or particular knowledge about TMA (other than that I know a handful of the actors involved through my Mechanisms social groups) and yet sometimes people hold me to the standard of some sort of authority/voice of God which is. wild. I Do Not Know Anything About The Magnus Archives Except That I Have Listened To The Podcast.

[taiey]

TMA Character Episode Appearances

I like numbers so I used the wiki to count up how many episodes each TMA character appears in, with some changes. Here’s my list of episodes. Statements from that character are bolded and some of the short quasi-statements are italicised. Question to ask yourself before you read: who do you think is in the third-most episodes?

As the wiki says, it's easier to count the episodes John doesn't appear in. (12 episodes in season 3 and 6 in season 4.) So doing the subtraction, it's 166 episodes as of 184, if you include the liveshow and also 120 and 142, where he is, after all, in the statement.

Martin's in 72; by season, 6 9 17 15 and all of season five. Plus the liveshow, but not including the fluff episode. What I’m looking to count here is sort of a measure of how much content we have about them but also recognising that being spread out does tend to increase the weight the audience gives it. So “here’s the dog incident, btw” is new information but endorsed fanfic is just extrapolation from what we already have, plus personal invention.

The character in the third-most episodes is Basira. 42; 6 in s2, 15 in s3, 17 in s4 and 4 episodes so far this season. And it's not a slim margin. We actually really do have a lot more time with her than most characters.

Then we jump down to—so I previously made a post saying Elias and Melanie are both in 25 episodes? Except I wasn’t counting 160. My count absolutely includes the episode where we learn Elias’s true motivation and backstory, lol. 3, 4, 11, 6, 2—that includes Curiosity. Mentions are different thing harder to count, if you’re feeling he should loom more omnipresently; letters to Jonah Magnus don’t feel like appearances to me.

Tim is also 26 episodes, including the liveshow: 4 in s1, 7 in s2, 14 in s3, 2 in s5. Which basically means we have 5 [/or 7] episodes where things are okay between him and John. ☺

Melanie’s in 25. 1, 2, 12, 10, [pending]. The two statements that cover the end of her youtubing career give us a really solid foundation and then it’s amazing what you can do with key points and blocks of exposition connected by informative mentions.

Daisy's in 22 episodes. Just one in season two, 11 in s3, 9 in s4 and one in season five. We talk about her and Basira as one coequal unit a lot, probably because they are in-universe, but stepping back it’s suddenly obvious that, like, the narrative focus is always on Basira, even when the plots are ones that usually play out with focus on the Daisy character.

Next on the list is Gertrude Robinson, who, at 15 episodes, is quite possibly the only character I was expecting to appear less. Even moreso because I could go up to 21, depending on whether I counted the one with the pig, We All Ignore The Pit (in one paragraph that focuses on Kilbride), Dreamer (in a dream???), Third Degree (extensive description of her actions in non-statement format), Hive (you called me ‘dear’) orrr Burnt Offering?? with her circle and pictures, like??? I’m probably still missing some, honestly;—the more minor a character the more lenient I am about counting an appearance versus a mention; with 15 voiced I lean not but wobbilyly.

At this point I’m switching to an unnumbered list because I'm not sure I’ve thought of every character to check.

Georgie and Helen are in 13 episodes each —counting 47, Helen Richardson's statement, and all the Distortion appearances from 101 on inclusive. She is Helen Richardson, and also ate her. — including the WTG episode even though it wasn't written by Jonny because it was written by Sasha Sienna and doesn't have any other non-Sa... non-Sienna characters in it, that is totally objective ok.

Peter Lukas: 12. This includes Boatswain’s Call, in which he’s characterised so differently from his later appearances it spawned a fan theory that said appearances were secretly Evan Lukas, but not, as you will notice, without protest.

Not!Sasha is in 11 episodes. (That doesn't include the Not!Other!People appearances, because *waves hands* it makes sense to me this way.)

You may notice that Sasha James has not appeared on this list yet; that's because she's only in 5. 3 in season 1 and 2 in season 5.

Trevor Herbert! Almost forgot him. Nine episodes, in a palindromic season spread, 1 2 3 2 1. He gives... one statement that must have been three times longer than most, and half of one with Julia.

Gerry, Julia, and Mikaele: eight. (This includes Gerry’s appearance as ‘on fire’ in 117.) Julia and Mikaele both give two statements—well, one and a half for Julia.

Agnes, Annabelle and Michael Shelley: seven. Agnes’ is marking novel ground around the “appears in statement”/”mentioned” border; Annabelle is just normal and Michael Shelley is the obvious.

Jane and Nikola: six. The wiki says Jane appears in 152 and I find that hilarious but sadly no; it also says Nikola appears in 083 which I am dubious of but ok.

Jude, Oliver and Adelard??? Five??? You may have missed Oliver’s appearances in Hive and Grifter’s Bone, but I feel like this is definitely missing Adelard??? I guess it’s because that’s four statements from him, which is the most we get from any single person. [citation needed]

MANUELA DOMINGUEZ: four, her two statements and the other two from Daedalus.

Jordan Kennedy makes the list for the obvious reason, with three (three!) appearances. (55, 184, and I’m counting 120 because his bit goes on for a while)

okay, that’s all for now. go forth and correct me, please! c:

[rosy-cheekx]

“You’re such a dork.” for the emotional writing prompts! I don't know anything about critical role, really, so for TMA :)

I spy, with my little eye, Bryce’s attempts to shove her own interests into her fics. Anyways, I am an American in college so I was basing this on my own experiences oops. Enjoy!

Date night was Wednesday evenings. Jon and Martin both found it preferable for a variety of reasons; it was the most likely nights for happy hours at the pubs in town, guaranteeing a cheap drink, and keeping to a weekday night minimized the chance of Jon seeing one of his students out. He hated seeing his students. Not that he hated them of course, he really rather liked them…not that they would ever know that. Being a professor, of parapsychology of all things, was rather rewarding. He knew the content inside and out (it felt good, using the mark of The Eye to actively work against it, to pass along information instead of consuming). And they didn’t seem to mind him either.

That was the thing about university students. They really didn’t care about who he was or where he came from. The fact that he was a scrawny, scarred Englishman in a lecture hall in Scotland didn’t matter to them. In the classroom, all they cared was whether he taught the material well (he did) and was kind to those with late assignments (he was. He had been a university student once too; he remembered the anxiety and depression that took him and his mates in waves). He was a good professor; Jon knew that objectively in the marks his students received. But in the subjective? His student had decided they liked him.

This had dawned on him at the end of his first semester; when he was inundated with emails of sincere thank-you for a great semester, for being such a helpful teacher, for taking the time to help review, et cetera. Martin had grinned at him, poking a tongue out his mouth and making some remark about teacher’s pets coming full circle (Jon was never a teacher’s pet though. He had always asked too many questions. He welcomed those questions with open arms now, to be the teacher he hadn’t had.)

The next semester it had been more obvious that students liked him now that he knew where to look. It was in the open “good-mornings” and questions about his weekend plans, and in the fact that he had the best attendance records of his department. It was in the way they asked genuine questions about his material and the waitlists miles long to get into his sections. Later on, it was in the gentle ribbings about his looking tired and the grey hairs even as they celebrated his fortieth birthday with him, bringing in cupcakes and sneaking in between lectures to decorate his office and the sincere questions over his scars, his life, his relationship with Martin (his introductory lecture always featured Martin and Her Regency, their thick orange tabby). To make eight wonderful semesters short, he was familiar with his students, and they weren’t afraid to be familiar back. Which was wonderful in the classroom and all, but not when he was trying have a relaxing evening with his husband.

Which brings them back to Wednesdays. Wednesdays were the days least likely to have students out in town, he had learned from Dr. Kerrigan, the positive psych professor, because Thirsty Thursdays started off the weekend’s partying and drinking for the undergraduates. Wednesday was the day students, in theory, buckled down to finish homework and give themselves a free weekend.

So here they were, Martin in a collared shirt, printed with tiny flowers, and jeans, hair bleached white from the Lonely and curling softly at his temples; Jon in a slouchy ribbed turtleneck and high-waisted pants, his own thick curls half-piled atop his head. Jon was listening intently as Martin spoke animatedly, talking about his own day as a guidance counselor at the local primary school.

“…and I swear Jon, if it wasn’t bad enough that Kimmy has decided never to speak to Lawrence again, now Lawrence has confided in me that he is positively in love with her.”

“Did he say that verbatim? In love, I mean.”

“I mean, no, but he said he was willing to give her all his Squishmallows for a playdate. Squishmallows. That’s real eight-year-old commitment, right there.”

Jon barked out a laugh and put on a puppy-eyed expression, grinning all the while. “Martin Blackwood, do you hereby take Jonathan Sim’s stuffed animals, to have and to ho-”

A gentle swat to the knee with Martin’s shoe cut Jon off. “Oi! Respect my children. They may be fools but its not their faults their brains aren’t developed yet. And yes, I know, ‘they’re not developed ‘til twenty-five and you can argue that your students’ brains aren’t developed either.’ But it’s different. They’re babies.”

“And I’m the All-Knowing One,” Jon mused thoughtfully around a forkful of food, earning him another love-filled kick.

“Speaking of,” Martin pointed to Jon with his glass, eyeing him deliberately. “Midterms next week, yeah? How do you think it’ll go?”

Jon shrugged, scratching at the back of his neck. “Alright, I hope. First exam went well but could’ve been better. I’m worried about Avonni, honestly, he’s nodded off a few times in class and I’m not confident he has someone to get the material from.”

“He has you.” A pointed, snow-white eyebrow.

“Right, but sometimes students don’t want to ask for notes because they think I’ll say no. Maybe I should email him. Speaking of email! Did I tell you what Suzanne sent out?”

“Oh no, what?”

They carried on like this through their meal and into dessert, and not for the first time Jon was struck by the sheer normalcy of it all. His greatest concerns were Suzanne’s passive-aggressive emails and his students, not the inevitable destruction of reality as they knew it to be. They were scarred, inside and out, everyone who had escaped The Magnus Institute was, but they were safe and free and happy. In defiance of everything that had happened to and because of them.

“Dr. Sims!”

Uh oh. Spoke too soon.

Bite of lava cake halfway to his mouth, Jon squeezed his eyes shut, rolling his eyes back in his head and willing there to be another professor with the surname Sims in the restaurant. When he opened his eyes, Martin was valiantly trying to suppress a smile as he eyed something, someone, over his head. Jon twisted awkwardly in his seat to see—

“Parker. What a surprise.” His voice was warm but carefully measured, and the dark-skinned boy waved, shit-eating grin on his face. “I have told you that you can call me Jon.”

“Yeah, I know, but you earned that doctorate! And “Doctor Jon” sounds awful, like you should have your own show or something.”

He hadn’t earned that doctorate, actually, but Martin’s expertise in lying and the disastrous apocalypse that had left everyone disoriented meant it had been easy to exaggerate some of Jon’s CV and manufacture a fake diploma.

“I do have my own show. Monday and Wednesday mornings, where I teach a bunch of caffeinated undergrads parapsychology,” Jon replied easily. “You’re welcome to tune in.” He liked Parker; he was a bit of a class clown, liked to ask off-topic questions or pretend to sneak a look at Jon’s answer sheets, but he was sharp and knew his stuff. Jon respected that. He reminded Jon of someone he dearly missed.

But Parker had already turned his attention to Martin, who was watching the interaction with mirth in his eyes. “Hello sir! I’m Parker McMichael, Jon’s favorite student.” Martin shook the extended hand and nodded in mock seriousness.

“Of course. Pleasure to finally meet you. Are you the one with the essay on ESP or the one on psychokinesis?”

“Neither,” Parker shook his head proudly, short dreads swaying gently with the movement. “The Validity and Continuity of Near-Death Experiences,” he made a mock marquee with his hands, arching curved fingers to indicate the title hanging in the air. “Researching any consistencies in near-death experiences stories, whether they’re legitimate, and what they mean if they are. But-” Parker shook his head and turned his attention back to Jon. “That’s not why I’m interrupting.” He took his phone out of pocket idly as he spoke. “I’m afraid I’ve come to settle a dispute among the 11 a.m. section.”

Oh no.

The Ceaseless Watcher whispered to him, unbidden, the dispute in question. Jon generally knew how to suppress the powers, and they were weaker than they had been, once upon a time, but when he’s caught off guard with the desire to know, to Know, it could still overtake him.

“This you?” A blurry screenshot of a Youtube video is shoved under his nose, a part of a text chain titled Sim’s Spoopy Spirits, captioned by many text bubbles expressing disbelief and objections and a variety of emojis. Jon took the phone and examined it, the truth already sure in his chest. Yes, that was him, dressed in his Jonny d’Ville costume, eyeliner streaked and eyes closed, mid-ballad. God, he wished he could be rid of those Youtube videos.

Jon’s gaping silence must have been enough of an answer for Parker because he whooped a little too loudly for the restaurant they were in and pumped his fist to his chest before typing very quickly on his phone. “I knew it! Take that Sabina,” he was mumbling to himself, lost in his texts for a moment.

Martin took the opportunity to clear his throat. “Sorry, uh, no one’s asked so I will. How did you know to look for him-us-here?” Jon frowned, He hadn’t thought about that.

“Oh, a couple of my mates work here and mentioned seeing Dr. Sims and his husband here a lot on Wednesdays and I dunno about you so much, but Dr. Sims is pretty habitual. Figured it was as good a guess as any. Some things can’t wait til Monday.”

“..an email. Parker. You could’ve sent me an email.” Fingers ran over scarred face, as if he could wipe the irritation (and Martin’s poorly-hidden laugh) from existence.

“But then I couldn’t do this.” His phone was back up again, level with his own face and he twisted so both his own and Jon’s faces were in the shot. “I’m here at 7:02 pm on Wednesday the 26, here to make a very important announcement,” Parker spoke to the camera with confidence. “Dr. Sims just confirmed to me that he is the one, the only, Jonny d’Ville.” Parker held the camera to Jon’s voice. “Anything to say to your adoring fans?”

Jon sighed and tugged on an errant curl. “Don’t forget, reading due Monday.” He wasn’t genuinely upset with Parker, just filled with fond embarrassment.

Parker sent the video off and clapped the back of Jon’s chair. “Well, Dr. D’Ville, its been a pleasure. Everyone’s really excited to get a confirmation on your status of coolest teacher. Any plans for the evening?”

Jon sighed through his lower lip, stray curls framing his scalp flying upward in the sudden burst of wind. “Watching a documentary and trying to forget—wait. What?”

“Oh yeah no, everyone thinks it’s badass. You’ve got a super nice voice and the stories you told were really interesting, if a little buckwild.”

Jon felt his cheeks flush and Martin grinned slyly at him from across the table. “Y-Yes. I guess we were rather good.”

Parker gave his farewells and Jon’s shoulders sagged (he had immediately righted his posture on seeing Parker, his grandmother’s voice in his ear reminding him of his manners), turning his full attention back to his husband. Martin had maintained that grin and was eyeing him intensely, like he expected Jon to say something.

“What, Martin?”

“God, you’re such a dork.” The words were soft, expression fond, and Jon could feel the radiation of unadulterated love Martin gave off in his smile, the one only ever used for Jon. “You really love your students, don’t you? You know how much they love you, right?”

Jon grumbled, but he couldn’t quite sweep the smile off his face either as their waiter made his way over with their check.

“No comment. But we are switching to Tuesday date nights.”

[jorts-lad]

If you haven’t already, may I suggest watching the the post TMA episode 200 live stream. You can find it on the past live streams on the Rusty Quill twitch page. It’s a great time and many fun chats about the show from many of the people at Rusty Quill. If you need more of a reason below I have some fun quotes throughout all 3 parts of the stream.

Slight tangent before that, I do suggest continuing watch their streams, they are pretty great and also if you haven’t yet the other RQ podcasts are amazing.

I might not have the exact quotes but eh, I got them mostly.

In character Among Us (Start)

- “I realize we could end up with like 10 Martins at this point, or 10 Johns, but I feel like that will add to the drama”

- “I hate it already”

- “And it will give Robbin Lennox more screen time then he did in the show so it will be really good!”

- “Hey everybody look at me, I’m hot, I’m the fun one, I’m sexy. Sexy Tim.”

- “Keep adding to canon, that’s right, keep adding canon”

- “Your voice has changed a lot over the years, it’s like you’ve lost track of it”. “I’ve started smoking *laughter*”

- “i like fan fic”

- “All season 1 Tim round”

- “You mean a notTim?”

- “What a Tim to be alive”

- “We can’t have John as the imposter because you’d always hear from a distant corner of the ship, ‘Ceaseless Watcher’ ”

- “If I were the Corruption I guess I would just say, *corruption noises*”

- “Enjoy space black?”

- “That’s the key with Elias, just very British”

- “Hot John rights”

- “This is Elias Shiteatinggrin Bouchard”

- “I don’t suppose there’s an open position at the Archive?”. “Fun-ally enough there’s quite a few”

Jackbox

- “Aww, I love those” “Motion Sickness?” “Yeh”

- “I refuse to say Dino Nuggies”

- “So how is everyone?”

- “I cyber bully Martyn a lot”

- Question: A rejected fear from Smirke’s list. Answers: Vacuuming or The Fandom

- “I’m not voting for either because I don’t understand either joke!”

- “Alex told me to turn it on” “Alex isn’t the boss of you!”

- Question: Ah, yes, Elias Bouchard’s only weakness: Answers: Loose Morals and Fast Women or Mirrors and Thigh High Boots

- Question: What did Martyn photoshop Alex as this time? Answers: The Entire Cast of Glee or A Dinonuggie

- “Keen as mustard”

- “I really thought I had it with Senpai”

- “Hello, I’m Alasdair, the unsung hero of The Magnus Archives.”

- “In a real way aren’t you always playing Helen?”

- Question: It’s all fun and games until Daisy... Answers: Runs Out of Bullets or Kills a Cockney Delivery Driver

- “Wow. Wow. Wow. Jonathan.”

- “I took over the Stellar Firma transcripts and I come into the series at episode 60, I have no idea what the hell is going on. And then I have to describe the noise Tim makes with his mouth.” “It’s technically called speech I think”

- “Someone in the chat said, ‘Content warning: Tim Meredith’”.

- “Original recording of Rick Astley doing what?”

- Question: Martin’s favorite sweater had THIS written on it: Answers: This is what a Tea-Drinker Looks Like or Twink

- “I forgot about the good cows” “How could you forget about the good cows?!”

- “Crawdaddy”

- Not a quote but all i’m gonna say is, Autumn PHRASING

- “Alex. But wrong”

- “Content Warning: Daddies”

- “Martin wearing a shirt that says ‘Tea Daddy’”

- “The two genders: Crawdaddies and Regular Daddies.”

- “It’s alright it’s just a podcast” jonny please don’t i’ll start aggressively crying at you.

- *Jonny and Sasha discus what they are gonna eat for dinner*

- *Jonny messing everything up*

- “I used to play Martin, but ya know”

- “Oh wait does that mean Tim is now kayaking with John and Martin?” STOP IM CRYING

- “Do you here the raw capitalism in his voice”

- “Aw Daisy Chains”. “That’s not what it says”. “That’s what I choose to read”

- *everyone making Alex uncomfortable with words*

- “Oops all Ben”

The Huge Chinking’ Quiz of the Season (End)

- *everyone ominously saying Martyn*

- “Episode 69” “And what is the title of that one?” “Nice”

- “Jacky-B”

- “It’s just a spin off where nothing bad happens and ya’ know cause like Gerry Keay said the fears were the only entity and I said no, fuck you that’s wrong”

- “Alexander J. Bone”

- “Dino nuggets”

- *zooms in on Mike’s face* “You’re doing what? On my stream!”

- “Magns Achves”

- *extended sounds of chicken noises*

- “Spider [nonbinary] is my gender”

- “Over 9,000?”

- “Everyone go home Twitch is over”

- “Tim, I mean Mike”

- “Can we not make Tim a verb”

- “Swoon, swoon, swoon, Adelard Dekker”

- “not a soup store, just soup!”

- *talking about Jonah Magnus* “Cause he’s a bitch!”

- “You can’t just pop in a contact lens, ya got to bring in the whole man”

- “I was covered in disinfectant before I stroked him”

- “Don’t just straps your friends down and pull things out of them, I guess”

- “Rusty Quill Streams is a podcast”

- “Rusty asmr hours”

- “Ceaseless Watcher, turn your gaze aping these ribs!”

- “The Twilight universe is actually set in the Magnus universe” *disapproving* “NO”

- “I thought you said Shrek shaved her”

- “how’s it feel to get the last line in the show?” “VINDICATION”

- “And for the last time, Statement Ends”

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

for the ship game: george knightley/emma woodhouse, paris geller/rory gilmore, roy kent/keeley jones, anne shirley cuthbert/gilbert blythe

Knightley/Emma - SHIP IT!

What made you ship it? I honestly can’t remember when I started! (A very Austen sentiment.) I think I read Emma for the first time when I was around 18, and I remember really liking them together and feeling very giddy during the part where Emma asks him to ask her to dance. 

What are your favorite things about the ship? I really enjoy how they’ve known each other for a long time and get a lot of enjoyment out of being so honest with each other and kind of testing each other’s nerves constantly in an affectionate way, and the specific familial-but-not connection of “Our siblings married each other” just tickles me. And they go on such a great journey together!! My fondness for the pairing was renewed by the ‘09 version, since I really love Romola Garai and Jonny Lee Miller’s chemistry, and let’s not even GET INTO what Emma. (2020) has done for this situation.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? I don’t know if this is unpopular, but I do really like the read of Emma as demi/on the ace spectrum and the way that ties into her contentment with not planning to marry and then being sort of shocked by the epiphany of her romantic feelings for Knightley, I think that interpretation tracks really well, and it’s really neat to see a sexual orientation that has only really been recognized recently portrayed so accurately in a novel from so long ago! (I feel similarly about the depiction of Fanny having severe anxiety in Mansfield Park, which is something I really cherish.)

Rory/Paris - SHIP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What made you ship it? It is my love?? It is my life??? Honestly, it started as a joke of the “Rory needs to give up on men, her true soulmate Paris is RIGHT THERE!” variety, but then it immediately became God’s honest truth to me, and has been these twelve years since I first decided to watch GG with my Raris goggles on.

What are your favorite things about the ship? EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG! I guess my VERY favorite thing is that I just think they are such funny and awesomely matched scene partners. That comedic chemistry! *chef’s kiss* And also that they have tons of scenes together in every season. I love that.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? This isn’t about the ship, necessarily, but: I do like Rory with Logan almost as much as with Paris (obviously not as much because it’s impossible), so I am kind of a diabolical multishipper in the Rory department. (I like Paris with Doyle a lot too, in the universe where she and Rory are tragically heterosexual.)

Roy/Keeley - SHIP IT!

What made you ship it? Um, the show being EXTREMELY CHARMING in all things, including their depiction of this relationship? And besides: who among us does not ship the cheerful one with the grumpy one?

What are your favorite things about the ship? I actually have only seen Ted Lasso once so far (except for the first two episodes, which I finally rewatched!), so I haven’t seen their relationship in awhile, but I feel like this moment sums it up completely. Like. How do you not fall for that?

 Also, I think I’ve posted about this already at some point, but I love Keeley coming into the locker room and holding Roy to comfort him at the end of the season -- I feel like that, paired with Rebecca comforting Ted outside the karaoke club, shows women as capable of really being a pillar of strength in an m/f dynamic in a way that I feel is ... really rare to see in movies and on television? I felt like I was watching something new seeing those two moments toward the end of the season, and I really value that depiction of women as a solidly STRONG, grounding presence with whom a man can be truly vulnerable and kind of fall apart in the ... guardianship of? If that makes any sense. I think it is something that’s way more common in life than we get to see represented. (Yes, I did just sneak some Ted/Rebecca love in there. Bwa ha ha!)

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? Nope!

Anne Shirley Cuthbert/Gilbert Blythe - Don’t Ship It! (Sort of, it’s complicated!)

Why don’t you ship it? I would count the AOGG incarnation of Anne/Gilbert as a lifelong favorite ship, but I had a trickier time with AWAE’s version. I like all the stuff that happened between them in canon just fine, and find a lot of it very dear and sweet, but this pairing is just so low on the list of things I love about this show, and it makes me sad how it’s like 97% of the fandom response. I get why it is, because that’s always going to be the situation with a show that’s got a will-they-won’t-they pairing, but it still makes me sad!

What would have made you like it? Honestly, I don’t think anything needs to change for me, I just want people to be paying more attention to the rest of the ensemble in fandom, hahaha. This is such a weird complaint! If there was no such thing as fandom, I would be 100% down with their relationship as it exists in the text of the show. (Though I would’ve liked to see them do their own version of a few more of the book haps, like THE LADY OF SHALOTT RESCUE!)

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? Oh yeah, I think they’re lovely! I just don’t really think of them as, like ... a me ship? You know how some ships make you go “THAT’S ME!” at the center of your soul, like, it just gets you and speaks to you? That is not me and this version of Anne/Gilbert. But that’s okay! (Also, like, obviously I’m an adult and maybe not the target audience for this, which totally makes sense but is also sort of disorienting due to Anne/Gilbert being a favorite pairing from the time that I was very small and could not imagine being as grownup and mature as they were in comparison to tiny moi. Retellings of your lifelong faves, man! They’ll confuse you emotionally!)

[schrijverr]

Cared For

Jonny is the smallest and secretly loves that fact since it gets him attention from the others. When it suddenly stops he’s crushed and cries during crew night, and gets hugged and comforted

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed something or you want me to tag anything!

~~~~~~~~~~

Jonny was small, he knew he was small.

New Texas already didn’t have a tall planetary average and he also hadn’t had any luck with genetics, which meant that the other Mechanisms towered over him, no matter age or gender. He was the tiniest of them all and he, surprisingly enough, loved that fact.

He loved how Brian would come up from behind and grab the thing he was reaching for and hand it to him with a pat on the head, no matter how much he grumbled about it.

He loved how Ashes would use his head as a rest and lean on him always giving him a smirk, despite him complaining about it messing up his hair.

He loved how when he visited Raphaellas lab, his feet would dangle when he sat on her chair, even if he told her she was too tall to be normal and she laughed at him.

He loved how Marius randomly hugged him, enveloping him entirely, making him disappear completely if he was wearing his coat, regardless of the fact that he would tell Marius he was suffocating.

He loved how he could curl up in Ivys lap and she’d just put her chin on top of his and continue reading, sometimes even out loud if it was something Jonny would be interested in, despite him insisting he wasn’t a little kid, although he expected she’d already seen through him and knew how much he liked her soothing voice.

He loved how The Toy Soldier always called him Little Chap and ruffled his hair, no matter how much he pouted when it did.

He loved how Tim would run up to him and just pick him up in a bridal carry and take him with him to whatever destination and no matter how much Jonny complained about it, he never fought and he always smiled slightly.

He loved how Nastya, who he saw as his little sister, let him snuggle up with her in her pillow nest in the engine room. She would curl around him as the big spoon and held him tight to her chest, making Jonny glow with contentment, in spite of the wiggling.

Not that he’d ever admit it, but all these thing made him feel small and that smallness made him feel cherished, made him feel like he was special and that the others cared for him.

Which is why it came as a hug shock when it all suddenly stopped.

First he noticed that the chair had been lowered when he visited Raphaella in her lab, but she could’ve done that because she needed to be lower to observe something. And Brian, who didn’t help him get his mug, instead just looking at him until he climbed onto the counter, could be because his switch was flipped.

But then Ashes stopped leaning on him and Marius didn’t hug him anymore, Tim asked him to come with him instead of just grabbing him, The Toy Soldier called him Old Sport like it did with Brian and Marius and when he went to Nastya during the night, she turned away from him leaving him hugless or the big spoon.

Confused and hurt he needed to know if it was really everyone, so he went to Ivy. She would know what he needed from her and hug him to make him feel better. So he crawled into her lap and waited.

For a second nothing happened, but then her arms snaked around him and he couldn’t suppress a smile. He’d made the right choice. That smile fell the moment she rested her chin on his shoulder instead of on top of his head and then she’d stayed quiet despite the book being about different guns, which was definitely an interest of Jonny.

He didn’t know what to do with that. Inside him a bubble of unease started to swell as he wondered what he’d done wrong. Did they not love him anymore? Were they mad at him? How could he fix it?

Miserable he burrowed closer in Ivys lap, but didn’t say a thing as he tried not to let the overwhelming feeling make him cry, which was pretty hard.

When he’d calmed down a bit, enough to realize that this was just making him sadder and he needed to cry alone in his bed, he untangled himself and softly said goodbye, completely missing Ivys gentle smile as he rushed out of the library.

Safely in his room he pulled the blanket over him and curled into a ball, soft sniffles and chocked off sobs coming out of his throat while he convinced himself that everyone hated him and he’d done something irredeemable.

He stayed in his room for a long while, until he could think of the sudden change without feeling the need to immediately cry. Then he took a shower and tried to get rid of all the evidence that he’d been crying.

While he’d been crying his eyes out in his room he’d made a plan and he had to get to work if he wanted it to succeed. The plan was quite simple, he would subtly try to get the affection back by hinting at it.

The first person he came across was Marius, who was leaning against the kitchen counter with a drink. He smiled at Jonny and asked: “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good, just tired.” Jonny didn’t even have to fake the yawn. He stumbled forwards and leaned against Marius’ chest as he mumbled: “Could just fall asleep here.”

His hope had been that Marius would steady him, maybe even with two hands and that might turn into a hug. It didn’t work completely.

Marius put one hand on his shoulder to keep him from sagging, but did nothing more than lead him back to his room with some distance between them while he said: “I think you need to go to bed then, Jonny.”

Jonny was pouting inside and missed the warm, fond tone. He allowed Marius to push him into his room and collapsed on his bed, just lying there until he heard Marius close the door with a small chuckle.

Later he would run into Tim, deliberately planned since he’d just shot himself in the foot, and ask if he would be willing to bring him to the med bay. Tim had wide eyes of concern as he nodded, but he did not carry Jonny instead hoisting one arm over his shoulder and letting Jonny lean on him awkwardly as they made their way through the ship.

He sat on Raphaellas desk instead of the chair waiting to see if she’d make a playful comment about his feet, but instead she told him he needed to sit on the chair, because she needed the space.

Brian was wiling to grab something for him, but only after he’d asked and moved out of the way and The Toy Soldier could be persuaded to pet his head after he’d gotten something stuck in his hair and asked it to get it out. Jonny was also still welcome in Nastyas pillow nest and he could just curl up against her back and she wouldn’t protest.

Jonny didn’t really have a plan for Ashes and he thought straight up asking Ivy to read to him was a step too far, so he just brought something to fiddle with and tried not to mind the chin on his shoulder too much.

Still, it wasn’t working and he felt his mechanical heart break with every little rejection.

It’d been months now and it was getting increasingly harder not to cry every time he wasn’t hugged, wasn’t carried, wasn’t petted on the head, just every time he wasn’t loved. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong or how to fix it and the lack of affection was wearing him down.

The bubble of wrongness was building up in his chest and it was only a matter of time until it burst and every little bit of sadness came popping out.

It happened during crew night, something Brian had implemented after he’d been stuck to his chair for a month and no one had noticed, it was just a check up to see if everyone was still there and to fuck around a bit.

Jonny had been looking forward to crew night, hoping that whatever he’d done would’ve been forgiven and he could wiggle between Brian and Raphaella, the two tallest members, unlike last time when he’d ended up on the floor next to Tim.

Alas it wasn’t meant to be, he was too late and there wasn’t any room left between the two of them. There still was a small spot between Marius and the edge of the couch, though, which was still pretty damn good.

Marius was tall enough and the space was so small that it was only natural if Jonny leaned on him a bit and who knew, maybe Marius would put an arm around Jonny to make some space and he could burrow into Marius’ armpit.

But when Jonny had wiggled himself into the spot, Marius told him: “We can also grab you a chair, if you’d like.”

And suddenly Jonny just couldn’t take it anymore. He made eye contact with Marius, his bottom lip wobbling before his face crumbled as he started crying, loud and ugly sobs, shocking everyone.

For a second everyone was frozen then they all rushed to their crying First Mate. Brian knelt in front of him and softly touched Jonnys knee and asked: “Hey, hey, Jonny, it’s okay, everything is alright, just breathe, just breathe, okay. Can you tell us what’s wrong?”

Jonny gasped and took a few shaky breaths, but he fell apart again in a blubbering mess when he wanted tot tell them. He sniffled: “I- I just- why- don’t under- understand- what-”

“Hey, just calm down.” Marius soothed, “What don’t you understand?”

“Why you all don’t love me anymore.” Jonny cried, sobbing loudly again and hugging his knees to his chest.

A stunned silence came over the crew of the Aurora then they all fell over themselves to assure him that of course they still loved him. Concerned Tim exclaimed: “Where in the universe did you get that idea?”

Jonny had calmed down a bit with all their reassurances and glanced at them over his knees, his eyes still wet and soft sniffles coming out of his mouth. He swallowed and said: “You all just suddenly stop- stopped and I don’t- I don’t know what I, what I did or how- how to fix it.”

That didn’t clear anything up at all and Raphaella asked: “What did we stop?”

Biting his lips, Jonny considered not telling them, he’d spend so long grumbling at them about it that I’d would seem weird to just completely turn around, but the empty void in his chest won out. So he whispered: “You all stopped treating me like- like I was small and precious.”

“What?” Ashes said.

“Uhm,” Jonny began embarrassed, “you all just had these little things that made me feel small and suddenly you all sto- stopped.”

His voice broke over the last part and the tears started flowing again. He hated that he was crying so much, but it had all just built up and he couldn’t stop it no matter how hard he tried.

On the others the realization dawned of what was up with their crew mate. They hadn’t really noticed how upset he’d gotten over it and the outburst had shocked them a bit, so they were glad they’d gotten something to fix. Marius immediately took him into his arms and The Toy Soldier patted his head.

“We’re so sorry, Jonny.” Brian said, “We thought we were helping you.”

That got Jonnys attention and he made a confused questioning noise. Tim explained: “You’re always grumbling about it, so when we noticed it was all of us not just one person, we thought you didn’t like it, so we decided to stop. We wouldn’t have done it, if we knew.”

“It’s not your- your fault.” Jonny mumbled into Marius’ chest, “Sorry for seeming un- ungrateful.”

The arms around him tightened around him and Marius said: “Don’t be sorry about that, we should’ve asked.”

They stayed like that for a while until the sniffles stopped and the tears ran dry.

With Jonny calmed down Raphaella asked the question that she’d been burning to ask ever since he admitted what was wrong: “Why do you like feeling small so much?”

Jonny flushed an adorable shade of red, he spluttered for a bit, before he softly replied: “It makes me feel special and cared for, it’s nice.”

Under other circumstances Jonny would never had admitted that, but emotional exhaustion had lowered his barriers and a voice inside his mind urged him to tell them anything to get them to do the nice things again.

“Ahw, you’re the cutest.” Tim cooed and also hugged Jonny.

He got redder, but that didn’t stop him from leaning into the touch and allowing a smile to creep up his face.

They stayed on the couch just hugging and reassuring Jonny the entire night. Everyone had been pretty spooked by his reaction, they’d never seen him as anything else than strong and happy, so to see him break down like that had shook them to their core. So they lavished him with attention in the hope of never having to witness that again.

Marius didn’t think he would ever forget Jonnys face crumbling at his suggestion or the feeling of him sobbing against his side.

Jonny was always small, with a pudgy face that hadn’t rid itself of all the baby fat yet and a cute smile. The crew of the Aurora had long ago decided that he was their little bastard that needed to be protected. It had been hard to stop and it had been even harder to find out how it had impacted Jonny.

It wasn’t mentioned again, but the other resumed everything even adding a some new stuff. It became more common to see Jonny being carried, for someone to ruffle his hair or to swing him up into a hug out of nowhere startling him or to see him in a lap instead of on a chair.

He’d stopped grumbling about it, allowing a smile on his face instead. It was small smile, but a content and happy smile that made it all worth it.

Yes, Jonny was small, he knew he was small, but with a crew like this how much of a problem is that?

[thezolblade]

not sure how to sum up my thoughts about the tma finale, but to get them down in words & out of my head, and for anyone who’s curious... kinda mixed feelings.

there’s a point where it’s hard to come up with meta, because my thoughts shift from ‘what would be the right thing to do in-universe?’ to ‘what would make a fun or unfun story?’, and there’s not always an easy yes/no, for each category, for each hypothetical way the plot could have gone. especially when the author makes the consequences deliberately ambiguous in canon, by having characters explicitly state that they don’t know what might happen, and that even the information they do have could be unreliable.

the worst-case scenario, complete multiverse genocide? the best-case scenario, the cosmic horror fails to take over another world? neither are a canon consequence, and anyone telling a story (hypothetical future canon or fan content) could decide to tell a story at either extreme or anywhere in between, and it’s all fiction either way.

whether it’s fun or not? a lot of the s4/5 slide into heavier trauma-horror hit too hard for me to feel like ‘so, global genocide or multiverse genocide?’ was a fun either-or to imagine, and that was the binary option that Jon was assuming. So I guess I might not be playing with the finale much in the fandom sandbox. Some people do seem to have found the heaviest parts of s5 fun, so, good for them?

i. ) If the original core of the idea for tma was something like, ‘spooky monsters caught on tape, released into another world, with a survivor giving 4th-wall breaking apology implying that they’re coming for us next!!’, and it’d all been s3-ish levels of ‘fun escapist’ horror on the way there, then i probably would have enjoyed that ending, because I’m not seriously worried about fictional monsters coming for us irl. Imagining it would just be ‘ooh, spooky’.

ii. ) So, that same ending feels like it hit heavier because we had... painfully long audio of victims realistically screaming, and in gradually more episodes I felt horrified to the point of feeling a bit sickened, instead of sad in a cathartic way. So the prospect of ‘entities released into another world to do the same but more’ makes me imagine exponentially more of the worst of it. The difference between this and my last paragraph isn’t exactly in the ending of the show being any different, or the in-universe consequences being any different for the characters making the decision. It’s in how the emotional arc hits for listeners, how much realistic pain we’re imagining.

By the 2nd half of s4 I was more worried about the Archivist’s victims than the main characters, especially when Jonny confirmed that the plot was meant to imply that the Archivist may have driven some of them to suicide off-screen. I was still rooting for the characters to try to fix things - even in a tragedy, the compelling part tends to be seeing the characters make an effort, whether it works or not. I didn’t find it all that satisfying to see the characters forget about that problem by getting desensitized/distracted until the focus shifted to constant gory torture for everyone in the world instead. And then in season 5, the ‘lighter’ moments didn’t have much impact for me because they felt thoroughly overshadowed by the constant gory torture of everyone around them.

I still love the earlier seasons, though. I liked the characters for trying to help people, whenever they put their heart into it. And I like how the worldbuilding explores people’s relationship with fear - how things can go so differently for different people, including all the minor characters, depending on their own emotional landscape and the sort of dangers that target them. And i really don’t want to give up reading ace fic by ace authors, when being able to access an ace community online has meant a lot and gotten me thinking, even if it’s come right around the time I can’t get out of the house much to figure out what sort of ace relationship might work for me irl.

I’ll stay in fandom, even if it means avoiding the parts that I’m not as interested in. I still kinda wish more of the fandom was on the same wavelength about some things, though. Why does everyone seem to treat the safehouse era as fluffy, when Jon was still stalking Jess and his other victims night and day? (He stopped attacking anyone new, but he never blinded himself to free his existing victims - and even if he had, Jonah probably would’ve killed him to bury the knowledge of how to quit before appointing another Archivist...) And the full bodycount / survivor list of the attack on the Institute was still unknown, from what Basira had told them. I used to assume that fandom would treat the safehouse era as the grim starting point for fix-it fics that end up happy, but instead almost everyone seems to treat it as a situation that was already fluffy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fic with, e.g., Martin asking Basira whether any more survivors of the shooting had gotten in touch, on the second day in Scotland. o.0

[brokemylegflippingthefirewall]

*This is absolutely a fic promotion, but plz hear me out on the discourse part too

So, self inserts and original characters, the worst fanfic catgeory (fanfiction.net literally says that in one of its fic groupings, and I'm pretty sure the number of views on any fanfic website says the same).

TLDR- Yes, I agree that this stereotype carries truth, but I do think SIs and OCs have more potential to be explored, and the stigma surrounding these labels is blocking that. And oh god I just want to know so badly if this is the deal with the work I'm currently writing or if I genuinely just can't write well.

The longer version- (this was written quite late into the night/ I'm in Singapore/, and might not be so well organized, I apologize for that.)

To what extent is this stigma "justified"? I mostly use AO3 for reading fics, and when I see the OC/SI tag, the thing is....I came to look for fics about canon characters and might not have the wish to invest my time in taking in a new character. I understand that most people who read fanfiction would feel the same. This, I think, is more or less justified. If you came to look for a certain canon character/relationship, and you don't want to get invested in any OCs, then of course the OC/SI tag isn't for you.

But... I think that's about it. Bcs here's the thing,

1. Using the OC/SI format does NOT automatically make the fic worse in quality. Hell, I'm not even sure if the statistical "fact" that these tags generate the worst fics is true. Judging from what I've read in the tma fandom and my other past fandoms, the stuff with OC/SI isn't inherently worse or better than the rest of the fics. There are ones that are pretty normal in writing quality, and the ones where the prose is rly good, others where plot design stands out etc. Of course, there is a lot of wish fulfillment and the like, but... there's also a lot of that in fics that write about canon characters.

2. I can't really say whether a wish fulfillment "I just want to write cool scenes/fluff" fic is better or worse than a more serious fic that explores some characterization or plot point. I think stories (all stories, books, fanfic, myths, everything) exist to entertain us and make us feel things. I am not sure if writing a feel good story is any less meaningful than writing a story that brings people "deeper" thoughts and makes them feel good in some other way. And this isn't even the issue at hand, because fundamentally, writing an OC/SI or not doesn't determine what the content is about. I agree that a larger proportion of OC/SI fics tend to be more on the lighthearted side, but... so is most of the content consumed in the other tags. Readers don't seem to have a problem with feel good stories/fix it fics etc when there is no OC or SI, so I don't see why that type of fic paired with an OC/SI should be considered any less "meaningful".

3. Guys/gals, what is an OC/SI?

Yes, it is very personal, and it is very wish fulfillment, but... isn't that like a common literature thing...like in general? Look at the works that "real writers" publish, from contemporary to the classics, which writer doesn't write about themselves? Like, just off the top of my head, Les Miserables, Marius? Um, Dante's Inferno? (and that guy did not self insert into some random thing he straightup went for the Christian Canon😂 used his real name too, so Jonny I guess if you feel awkward about your MCs name you can think of Dante//Jk). But seriously, self insert and wish fulfillment is a big part of literature itself, and while there are things to be said about these tropes, if people don't have that much of a problem with them in other literature, I don't see why fanfic OC/SIs shouldn't be treated the same.

4. in relation to the last point. More specifically...

I do think that a lot of fanfiction which write about the original characters are also OC/SIs to different extents. I've read fics that depict pairings where the author and readers project heavily onto one (or more) of the characters. I've read stuff where the author uses a minor character to explore the established world building/character dynamics and it's clear that it's an SI but with the appearance of being a canon character (and yes it gets tons more views than one that's written as SI). How do I know this? Because I am one of those readers who project onto those characters, and I know why I read those fics, I know why I like them. It's because I can self insert, and feel like I am part of the story, part of the world. Isn't that something most people want to do? I mean, Universal Studios? Specific franchise themed museums? COSPLAY??? Of course that's not all there is to engaging with a story, but what's the shame in wanting to be a part of an already established world building, or want to love a wonderfully designed character? (slight tangent, but if u feel like it's bcs ur not as interesting/cool as the story's world or other characters appear to be then I can tell you with certainty that's not true. You are very interesting and cool and absolutely deserve to be part of a fantasy world.) Isn't that a big part of why "real literature" is written and read as well? So... what's the problem with being like, okay, I'm just gonna insert myself into the world now, through this original character? Of course, I'm not asking for people who prefer to write strictly in canon characters to change that. What I mean to say is, writing it in the form of an OC/SI, doesn't make it a lot different from other fics, or hell, from classic literature even.

I think a potential problem might be the feeling that you are taking too much creative liberty with something that is established canon, by having your own character directly interact with it. But, um, can't the same thing be said if you take a canon character, and then proceed to project heavily onto them? Like, a big part of why I don't feel comfortable writing just canon characters is that I know I'm clearly projecting and it feels awkward to rewrite an already established character to explore my own thoughts/desires. I would rather just straightup design a new character. (this is all just personal feelings, I haven't thought enough about this to make any kind of argument here. And of course, the main reason is I can't trust myself to write canon characters that don't ooc in some way so having one as my protag might kill me with my own awkwardness. )

5. the potential.

Now this is looking far ahead because I'm not sure how much our current system for distribution of knowledge & copyright can allow it. But damn. The OC/SI thing has a lot of potential. There is one thing that makes it different from writing in canon characters, and that is the way it opens up a clear space for you to add your own experience into the story. When exploring your own world view through the lense of an already established world, or vice versa, so much can be revealed about both, perhaps even bringing to light aspects of the narrative the author hadn't previously seen. We all know this feeling, it's when we ramble on about one of our stories or worlds to a friend, and they point something out, and we're like ooooh that makes a lot of sense but I hadn't thought about it before. Yea, like those moments. Stories are generally made more interesting by their interaction with many different perspectives/experiences. With OC/SI it straightup allows you to be like, okay, I'm going to engage my own experience with this fictional world/character now. I mean, isnt that also a large part of how fanfics work in general? Readers/writers bouncing symbols and experiences off each other in the form of stories? Reading about the various interpretations of canon stuff? Whats the problem with tagging it as it is? I'm just thinking about the fics that could have been written as OC/SI and explored the story in some fascinating way which weren't written at all or were discontinued bcs the number of views discouraged those authors. (I feel that with my current work as well, though I have already written half of it and the remaining half is too juicy to give up so I'll probably be completing it)

6. conclusion, sorta

I guess what I want for OC/SO fics is just the same treatment as everything else. Saw it in the tags you were searching for? Look at the teaser. Do you find it interesting? No, then very well. Yes, then click in and take a look. Do you like the writing style? Are you getting into the narrative?... etc. You know, like, same standards you would have for any other kind of fic. Not feeling like you want to read about a new character? Cool, no problem at all, click away. But I do not think that the current difference in number of views is just based on whether readers are interested in reading about a new character or not. In fact, that's what I want it to be. Show me that "true" difference, the one without the stigma behind it, because, as the same goes for every kind of stigmatized community, you're not receiving the proportionate amount of positive feedback, but what's worse is you can't even trust the criticism you receive. If no one engages, or someone gives a negative feedback, how am I supposed to know if it's because my writing is bad? or my teaser wasn't interesting? or my character was badly written/designed? Or if it was to a certain extent, bcs of the stigma? I do want criticism, of course I do, it's the first step to every improvement, and I would love it if I could get feedback that I can trust. (and this brings us to the truely "oppressed" community of the fanfic world, the people who write very good but cant write interesting teasers//jk)

7. the entirely skippable straw man rant part, also the expression of my love for The Magnus Archives.

some straw man: if you like writing your own characters so much, why not just write your own story entirely? and publish it?

You think I'm not annoyed about that? Here's the thing, I LIKE THIS WORLD I READ FROM THIS BOOK/SOME OTHER FORM OF MEDIA OR WHATEVER, I like it, it's brilliant, I want to write for it, about it, be in it, think about it, read about it, engage in whatever way I can. I CAN'T just "go write my own." And who do you think is more annoyed about not being able to publish the stuff? (According to you) I have written something that is potentially publishable (thank you btw I know you don't exist and is a strawman I invented just now but I've gotta get my compliments where I can//Jk), and I can't publish it in any potentially big way (and rightfully not) because I have no copyright over the characters. I worked hard to design my character, to make the plot meaningful, and to study the original canon plot and characters so that it would all fit together (I mean, partially bcs I can't force myself to sit down and write sth that is any less complex), and I can't actually publish it where more people will read it. And of course, on top of that, even less people will feel like reading once that "original character" tag is up. Does it look like I would be here if I could "just write my own"?

(slight tangent but come on what even is "your own"? how many classic European lit books were just fanfics of each other which were all just fanfics of the Bible or Greek mythology or sth? Stories and symbols have no boundaries it's the economic system that drew those.)

Damn this got way longer than I thought and it's morning now😂 guess I ran out of space to actually promote my fic, might have to do that in a seperate post then. But to anyone who actually read up to here, I'm so sorry for wasting your time no but srsly thanks for reading all of these jumbled thoughts, and good luck with whatever you are working on at the moment, I know you're probably working on something if you're reading through these tags. And of course good luck to the tma folk we're gonna face the end together🙏. good night (I should rly go to sleep now😂)

[ieatmypizzawithaforkandknife]

TMA: Episode 13, “Alone”

Summary: Naomi Herne dictates her statement regarding “the events following the funeral of my fiancé, Evan Lukas.”

Our first in-person statement! So exciting! Not as exciting as the ones towards the end of this season for sure, but it makes sense to introduce the idea prior to them being necessary, and it was a nice change of pace.

That being said, I really didn’t like the voice actor in this one. There were a few moments that felt stilted or where it felt like she was over-acting, and it bugged me. At the beginning of the series, I didn’t like how Jonathan seemed to be speaking dramatically on purpose, and my annoyance here was for similar reasons. Since I’m more or less neutral towards the character herself, I’m kind of glad this was her only episode this season, and I’m hoping she’s not in future seasons either.

Because this was recorded “live”, we finally get confirmation of how the in-universe date relates to the real-life date. Naomi gives the date as January 13th, 2016, and this episode was aired on April 20th, 2016. It’s close, which is nice, but not exact, which would have been cooler IMO, but it makes sense that they might not have known the air date when they recorded it. It doesn’t throw any huge wrenches into the timeline I have going though, which is all I care about in the end.

First off, it’s a little suspicious how quickly she goes head over heels for Evan. They meet while waiting for a job interview, and when he had to go in to the interview, she “felt a pang of loss like nothing I’d known before, all for a stranger who I’d met barely ten minutes ago”? When she was always pretty content on her own in life? On its own, I could chalk it up to an extreme loneliness that she’d underestimated or was in denial about. But she says that “he was so unlike anyone I had ever met before”, and his family was some of the creepiest people in any of these stories yet that weren’t explicitly monsters. I don’t know whether the family isn’t human or if it’s something else, but there’s definitely something not right about them, and I’m really expecting them to show up again at some point.

Naomi never gives us any real impression of Evan’s personality either. She talks about him enough at the beginning of the episode that by the end of her rambling we should have had some kind of idea of who he is, but all that we really know is that he seemed perfect for her. It’s like he’s this blank slate, and whatever she needed, he was. (For any Animorphs fans who might be reading this, her starry-eyed description of their relationship reminded me a lot of the way Peter describes the last year or so of his marriage before Eva “died” in book 10. So you can understand my concern.) Their relationship is too perfect and harmonious. It’s not real. And when she conveniently decides not to contact any of his friends after he died? The paranoid part of me wonders how real any of it was.

It is interesting that the reason he gives for his apparent schism with his family is religion - specifically, that they were religious and he wasn’t. In and of itself this is normal enough - a common occurrence, even. But I am officially suspicious any time religion (especially Christianity or Christian-coded religion) is mentioned in these statements. Naomi mentions towards the beginning of her statement something that a pastor told her about humans being “creatures of community by nature”. This same pastor told her he was “worried I’d get lost” - which, if you recall, is exactly what almost happened in that foggy field after she crashed her car. She was lost for a time, and, we’re led to believe, was almost lost forever.

She describes the mist in the field as seeming malicious, and that it made her feel “utterly forsaken”, and although she didn’t think there was any particular presence in it, it seemed to swirl around her deliberately and eventually tried to pull her into an open grave. But Jonathan says at the end that there couldn’t have been any fog where she was, “given the incredibly high winds during the storm that night.” And he couldn’t find any graveyard/chapel matching the description she gave anywhere in the area. So where was she, and how did she get there? And who or what was controlling that mist? The field, the mist, the chapel, and the graveyard are all obviously Not Quite Right, but then again neither was the Lukas family earlier that night. So when and what was her first supernatural interaction that night?

I think it’s obvious by now that I don’t like the Lukas family at all and I think they’re up to no good. But it’s worth noting that Evan apparently somehow helped Naomi out of that mist (despite being dead) by his disembodied voice telling her to turn left. It was a small thing, but without that direction she might never have gotten out. So is he really not evil like I got the impression the rest of his family is?

On a completely unrelated note...someone needs to talk to Jonathan about his bedside manner. Between his condescending tone and him telling her to her face that she should probably see a shrink, I’m only surprised that she didn’t storm out on him sooner. Whose bright idea was it to let this guy interact with the public? I love him but he is not a people person at all lol.

Fortunately, before she left, Jonathan asked her to leave the broken piece of stone from the graveyard with them - although I wonder if anyone even gave it a second glance after that, or if it was just shoved into a corner somewhere and itself forgotten. The word “FORGOTTEN” on the stone was of course supposed to be creepy to us the listeners, and is almost certainly some kind of clue in the bigger mystery, but as someone who has come to frequent cemeteries (as part of an interest in genealogy, not with any involvement in the supernatural, thank you very much), it was probably just the end of a very common phrase on headstones: “GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.” Which is, ironically, the exact opposite in meaning to “FORGOTTEN.”

One last thing. This is either a complete coincidence, or a very big clue, and I can’t decide which. In episode 11, “Antonio Blake” first sees his father in one of his “death dreams” 10 days before his father actually dies. In that same statement, “Antonio” says that he first saw Gertrude Robinson in a “death dream” on March 12th, 2015. Evan Lukas died on March 22nd, 2015 - exactly 10 days after “Antonio” first saw Gertrude Robinson in one of those dreams. I have no idea how the deaths of Evan Lukas and Gertrude Robinson could possibly be related, but the timing is a little too perfect for me to dismiss it out of hand.

This post is part of a series where I write my thoughts about each episode and obsessively connect dots in an effort to figure out The Big Mysteries of the series. All posts in this series are tagged “is this liveblogging?” Comments and messages are welcome but I have only listened to season 1, so I ask that you not spoil me for anything beyond episode 40. In the words of Jonny Sims…thanks for listening!

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG168!

- Yay for Oliver! From the announced title I had suspected The End and/or him because of his veins/roots/tendrils/not-tentacles, so that one wasn’t misleading!

Most of the episode was an audio pun on “Roots”/“Routes”: both the veins, and the reference to a Corpse Road. I’m… not sure about the double-meaning, though (since usually, titles refer both the core of the “statement” and something happening in the metaplot) – obviously, the “roots” were The End’s, they were almost a character by themselves (we could hear them creaking in the background alongside the whispers, a reminder that… they could grow. They could invade other domains when they would need); and the system presented by Oliver could (as he explained) come out of his domain to invade others’ in the search for more victims, which is how this universe could potentially end… but is there an additional meaning that could apply in Jon&Martin’s discussion, or in Jon’s decision to not go after Oliver?

(Regarding Martin: jealousy associated to “roots” makes me think of Corruption, though I don’t subscribe to the idea that Martin is being supernaturally OOC right now (I see how he could potentially be led towards bad choices, but I don’t feel like he’s under an influence right now outside of his own feelings). But I wonder if one of the meanings of “roots” will make sense in retrospect…)

- I was a bit sad to not hear Oliver himself but:

* Jonny, once again, did an amazing job at nailing the intonations and inflections of Oliver’s VA for the character; so, yes, it wasn’t directly Oliver, but we could hear when it was him directly addressing Jon, when it was the “statement” form, and when it was back to Jon.

(* Though I have a tiny sliver of doubt regarding the final “Report ends” afterwards: was it Oliver’s, making fun of Jon’s “statement ends” in the same way that Simon did after he got compelled to blurt out his life story after Martin prompted him? Interestingly, Oliver hadn’t joked about the “statement ends” in MAG121, though he already knew a lot about Jon and his dreams back then, and made it obvious in MAG168 that he knew more than us about Jon’s current state and how he functions (calling him The Eye’s “archive”, and pointing out that Jon can “only take”, which… yeah, feel like that will be relevant later). Or was it Jon saying the “Report ends.” to gain back a semblance of normalcy and making light fun of Oliver’s way of organising his “report” and/or trying to distance himself from what Oliver was saying, reminding himself that it was a subjective statement and that whatever Oliver says is to take with caution since he’s above all an agent of his own patron, however convinced and convincing he may sound? I feel like it was Jon saying that “Report ends.”, given how his voice sobered up, but both could make sense in their own ways…)

* Funnily, it makes sense for Oliver to give his “statement” in this fashion! Because, so far, he had never directly communicated with an Archivist in a situation that would allow reciprocity: he gave his statement to the Institute, while watching Gertrude in the next room (MAG011); he gave his statement to Jon while Jon was in a coma, so unable to answer him (MAG121); and now, he gave his “report” about his domain through Jon, addressing it both to The Eye and to Jon (… but is there a difference at this point?). In all cases, he was unreachable. So now, it feels even more significant that the only person he has ever interacted with on tape was End-touched Georgie, and that she managed to exchange words with him…

- Given how Oliver gave this “report” to Jon, that the “I” was clearly Oliver… What does it say about the narrator of previous statements? Were the “I”s in those the domains or the Fears themselves, talking through Jon?

… If that’s the case, what is exactly happening with the tape recorders, who are gorging themselves with these new forms of statements and apparently freeing Jon from the weight of them…?

(And who was the narrator in MAG167 then? The Eye itself?)

- Laughing so hard because Oliver’s background (MAG011: “I’ve lived in London for almost a decade now. I came here to do my undergraduate degree at the London School of Economics. I ended up taking a position with Barclays shortly after graduating and did well enough there.”) showed so much in the way he organised his ~report~ (not a “statement”, not a “terror”, but a “report”, Oliver wanted to be SPECIAL, uh…):

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Report to prevent future deaths. This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. 1 – Coroner I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored. 2 – Coroner’s legal powers […] 3 – Investigation and inquest […] 4 – Circumstances of the death […] 5 – Coroner’s concerns […] The matters of concern are as follows. a) […] b) […] c) […] d) […] 6 – Actions that should be taken […] 7 – Your response”

Organised, classified, taking an example to illustrate… and even: doing something else than the subject of his report. It wasn’t a report “to prevent future deaths”. It was a report “about” future deaths and how they couldn’t be prevented. Oliver, please.

- Handsome Man Of Many Aliases:

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “First off, I should admit that I lied to get in here.” […] ARCHIVIST: I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives. Unsurprisingly, he came up with nothing. Antonio Blake is a fake name and all of the contact details he provided were similarly fraudulent. It’s almost certainly a joke, a bit of hazing for the new boss, maybe? Best not to engage with it, I think.

(MAG121) OLIVER: So… My name is Oliver Banks. In my other statements, I used the name “Antonio Blake”, but I don’t really think either name has much meaning for me anymore. […] I’m Antonio. GEORGIE: Sure.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “1 – Coroner. I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored.”

… jumped on the Apocalypse occasion to get himself a fancy title, “Coroner”. With the interesting point that a coroner goes back through time to investigate someone’s death, backwards, while Oliver reads the death forwards, as in how it will happen.

- I find the way Oliver referred to Jon really interesting:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Hum… Hello, Jon. Do you… m–mind if I call you Jon? I�� I mean. You don’t actually know me, it’s just… well. “Archivist”, it’s so… formal, isn’t it? And I do kind of know you…?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a ‘plea for mercy’ or a ‘call to action’.”

He used to go with “Archivist” (as a title) and Jon. The “Jon” was clearly a callback to the time he had visited Jon in the hospital (pushing towards casual sympathy? At the very least, reminding him of the last time Oliver had chosen to call him “Jon”, and why he had visited him in the first place), but calling him The Eye’s “Archive” is new on all levels: first time that Oliver calls him that way, and first time that anyone except Jonah called him that way.

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Because the thing about the Archivist is that… well: it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named “the Archive”. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon – you are a record of fear. Both in mind, as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement; and in body, as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.”

So, as much as I had a few reservations about the content of what Oliver was seeing/predicting… it’s true that he knows a lot, about Jon and about how he functions, what he is right now in the grand scheme of things.

* Also: once again, The Eye’s Archive. Not Jonah’s. Jonah is irrelevant. “The Magnus(’) Archive” is not applying to this season so far.

* … Interesting that, although Oliver had directly mentioned that the “Spider” had pushed him to come visit Jon in MAG121, there was no mention at all of any Web activity in this one, as if it was also irrelevant/wouldn’t be able to do anything noteworthy to change the planned course?

- I really love how Oliver tried to sound professional and respectable and kind of… objective about everything?, and at the same time, absolutely went into “My Patron Is Better Than Yours” territory:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Report to prevent future deaths. This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! […] I am Oliver Banks, sometimes known as Antonio Blake, or doctor Thomas Pridchard. I serve The Coming End That Waits For All And Will Not Be Ignored. […] I make this report under no “authority”, no “regulation” or act of law, save the hollow power and grim responsibility given me by the Termination Of All Life. […] a) When Danika Gelsthorpe reaches the end of her Corpse Root, she will die. This new world of Fear reviles death as a release, but the Coming End cannot exist without its reality. It is not a being of dangled promises and shifting torments; the certainty of death waits for all who travel the Corpse Roots, and that certainty… will be delivered on, without hesitation or consideration of any other factors. b) This place has a limit, on the fear that can be generated from them, as their pool is necessarily finite and ultimately, however slowly, it will be exhausted. To be offset, this consideration will require the acquisition of victims from other domains as replacements, potentially inciting… “bad feeling” between those domains. […] However slowly, the domains of Death will be removing sufferers from a closed system. However many thousands of years may be experienced in the meantime… eventually, this world will be left barren and empty. […] Even if such a fate could be avoided, as it comes closer and the other Entities grow in their awareness of their own end, the grotesque ripples of their own impossible panic shall glut and feed my master, gorging it to the point where, perhaps, it will even surpass The Watcher in prominence. […] The End does not fear its own cessation, for it is the certainty and promise of all life, however strange, that it will one day finish, and that includes its own stark existence. It shall be the last and, when the universe is silent and still forever, it shall perhaps, in that impossible moment before it vanishes, finally be satisfied.”

* That condescending tone towards the other Fears, and the fact that they do not truly deliver death (as it would mean losing their victims), but My-Patron-Is-Better-And-A-True-One so The End has to deliver what it promises. (Does that confirm that, for example, Richard-the-human-worm respawned or was still “living” in a way after Sam went through him?)

* … My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Other-Fears so it will go after the others to get access to their pools of victims, to find new ones.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Other-Fears so it will feed from them since The End will come after their victims and dry them out of victims, and they can do nothing about it.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Beholding so it could grow even stronger than it even though Beholding is the current ruler and had reality reshaped to have it on top of everything.

* My-Patron-Is-Better-Than-Everything so it will celebrate its own death, since Ending Itself after having ended everything means that it will have accomplished its true purpose.

(* Bonus “I-Am-My-Patron”, so Jon killing him would just be fine in the order of things, too.)

Like. WOW, Oliver, wow. Really fond of your patron, aren’t you, down to making it like a “challenge” to The Eye.

- Confirmation that The End’s domain lies both in the fear of death (since Danika had served it her entire life), but Oliver insisted pretty much that it also requires actual death to function/to work with its nature.

… So, I’m torn about what degree of credence to give Oliver. On the one side: it goes very well with the message Jonny keeps repeating (including in his gaming streams or in The Mechanisms universe) that “all things end”, that nothing can last forever – it’s what Oliver directly told Jon, it works. It could be the programmed annihilation of this world, whether we (the audience) get to witness it or not: I’m still thinking that The Extinction could come into play and wipe out everything, but if no other Change/cataclysm happens, it could go this way, with this world gradually, slowly dying, because at the core of it, it contained its own doom (the Fears have free reign and can never be truly satiated, so they’ll dry out the whole world without caring about creating a long-lasting “ecosystem”. They don’t know how to preserve, only to consume).

On the other hand, Oliver was extremely adamant about the fact that it would happen, but… has no proof that it will?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “In exactly thirteen stretches of the root on which Danika travels – a stretch being measured in the waves of nauseating terror that flow out of her with such rhythmic regularity – she will finally arrive at her destination. […] I watch, as with each motion, each laboured, reluctant movement along her path, Danika Gelsthorpe is painfully, and inescapably aware of what it is that lies at the end of it. She tries to move backwards, off to the side, any direction other than that unstoppable, inescapable forwards. But her limbs seize up with the attempt. She tries to stay still, but can do so only with the most incredible of efforts. To eke out another few seconds of stasis sets every nerve in her body aflame with agony and effort, begging her to scream, despite her jaw being set in a frozen rictus of sombre mourning. I see her relive the coming moment of her inevitable demise. […] When Danika Gelsthorpe reaches the end of her Corpse Root, she will die. This new world of Fear reviles death as a release, but the Coming End cannot exist without its reality. It is not a being of dangled promises and shifting torments; the certainty of death waits for all who travel the Corpse Roots, and that certainty… will be delivered on, without hesitation or consideration of any other factors.”

The “thirteen stretches” sound like a clear references to the 13 Fears used in Jonah’s incantation (the fourteenth, The Eye, being supposed to rule over the others) and/or the fact that it requires 14 “points” to work (thirteen stretches meaning that there are fourteen points between the beginning and The End), but what I’m more interested is that… there are still thirteen stretches for Danika to travel. What if there is actually no way to travel a whole stretch, because it keeps stretching and getting longer, just because death has to be a horizon that is, by nature, forever elusive, even though Oliver is convinced that it must be a reachable goal since he believes in his patron? (Plus: how come The End will be able to touch other domains when necessary? Wouldn’t it just collapse on itself and disappear on its own, without first putting a dent into others?)

I’m not sure! On the one hand, it works well as a programmed ending, makes sense, and Oliver and The End have displayed time and time again that The End deals in certainty (and Oliver kept repeating that word); on the other hand… as he said, he’s absolutely loyal to his patron, now. Of course he would feel like The End makes the most sense in this world, that the cycle it functions in will keep going, that the same rules apply, that The End will even surpass The Eye. It all feels very subjective. So… we’ll see.

(But given that uncertainty: it feels to me like precisely, we won’t get that scenario, we won’t know for sure that it would have worked this way, because something else will happen. Something that won’t prevent all things from “ending”, but in different circumstances than the current ones…)

- What about Georgie, in the order described by Oliver, though? Given that the rules have changed, and if people are only able to die in The End’s domain by fearing their death, what would happen if the last human standing doesn’t “fear”?

- That puts to mind Peter’s explanation to Martin about why, according to him, The End had not attempted to carry its ritual, and how it was distinct from The Extinction:

(MAG134) PETER: There are two Powers that, to my knowledge, have never attempted to fully manifest, never had followers set them up for a ritual: Mother-of-Puppets, and Terminus. The Web, and The End. The Web, I’ve never really been sure about: if I were to guess, I would say it actually prefers the world as is, playing everyone against each other, and so on. The End, on the other hand… The End doesn’t really need one: it knows that it gets everything eventually, so why bother. The End manifesting would not be a new world of terror; it would be a lifeless world. Devoid of everything. MARTIN: … Including fear. PETER: Exactly. It has no reason to truly attempt to enter our world, it’s… passive. But The Extinction… The Extinction is… different. It’s active. It will seek to create a lifeless world, in a way that none of the other Powers ever would. Some interpretations suggest it might replace us with something new, that can then fear annihilation in turn. But I and those like me would rather that did not happen.

Not that passive given that Oliver mentioned that his domain would go after others’ to get a new supply of victims, when necessary (and that it would the one to upset the current equilibrium), and that Oliver was actually participating in spreading in patron’s fear by warning about the end to come, but!

- Interesting bit is that The End and Oliver have a relationship with time that seems to tie present and future close together (“The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one.”), with The End being the only and absolute future possible, while Beholding… doesn’t. It has access to past information, to events currently happening, but Jon pointed out that his powers couldn’t access the future:

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: She… thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. Like she promised. [STATIC DECREASES] But she’s conflicted. MARTIN: And will she? ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know, th–the future, th–that’s… that’s not something I can see.

Nice contrast, which makes sense, but also: Jon is special, even for an agent of Beholding, something that Oliver seemed to imply (“But know that, even you, will all your power, cannot keep the world alive forever.”). What can Jon do, in this new reality, besides turning predators into preys and being untouchable for the monsters…?

(I’m also squinting at Oliver’s words, because it could imply… that Jon is currently the only thing keeping the world “alive”, right now?)

- … If Oliver is right, though, laughing forever that Jonah, who feared death the most, would have BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF:

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I beg you, do not pursue this goal; if only a single lesson may be gleaned from my life of long study, and longer hardship, it is that the fear of Death is natural, and to flee from it will only bring greater misery. Repent of your sins, Jonah. Seek forgiveness. I am certain the Dread Powers cannot take a soul that keeps faith in the Resurrection.”

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Why does a man seek to destroy the world? It’s a simple enough answer: for immortality, and power […]; to place yourself beyond pain, and death, and fear. It is an awful thing to know about yourself, but the freedom, Jon, the freedom of it all…! I have dedicated my life to handing the world to these Dread Powers, all for my own gain, and I feel… nothing but satisfaction, in that choice. I am to be a king of a ruined world, and I shall never die. I believe there are far more people in this world who’d take that bargain than you would ever guess. And I have beaten all of them.”

… since his invocation also invited “[all that] dies”. He could have gone with “all that fears to die” or something like that, allowing for a loophole, but he specifically called for all that “dies”.

Jonah.

Jonah, you’re so effing stupid.

(- Re: Jonah, it’s delightful that… he has not been mentioned at all by other monsters/avatars (Annabelle, Helen, the Not!Them) so far. Oliver didn’t either. When it comes to establishing who caused the apocalypse, they’re fully crediting Jon and/or pointing out his relation to The Eye:

(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!

(MAG165) NOT!SASHA: Well, of course you want to wallow in my shame like your voyeur master!

(MAG166) HELEN: And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”

And yes, obviously, Jon was manipulated into doing it, didn’t willingly and knowingly cause it! But it’s hilarious that they’re all “Who?” about Jonah’s whole existence; he… seems absolutely irrelevant to the whole apocalypse deal although he tried to take credit for it. I wonder in which state we’ll meet him and/or if he will be able to express himself in any way – so far, I’m banking on him either being the Panopticon (having merged with the building) or being wrapped in cobwebs.)

- Interestingly, Oliver seemed to credit some level of sentience to the Fears themselves?

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “To be offset, this consideration will require the acquisition of victims from other domains as replacements, potentially inciting… ‘bad feeling’ between those domains. […] Even if such a fate could be avoided, as it comes closer and the other Entities grow in their awareness of their own end, the grotesque ripples of their own impossible panic shall glut and feed my master, gorging it to the point where, perhaps, it will even surpass The Watcher in prominence. The others may take what actions they wish; they may plot and plan and tear themselves apart in an attempt to separate from the fate that they know they cannot escape; but they will fail.”

I could expect the avatars/monsters to panic and try to sustain themselves, but the Fears/domains themselves…? (And once again: that phenomenon is very reminiscent of the way Peter described his own fear of The Extinction, as something that could eradicate him and other Fears/avatars…)

- AHAHHA about the image that when Danika would have travelled through the “thirteen stretches”, she would reach the end/The End and die… because that suuuuuure seemed reminiscent of Jon&Martin’s current travels, having to travel through (13) domains in order to reach The Panopticon, without knowing what would happen then.

Not ominous at all.

- I am… really interested in Oliver’s mention that Jon now “may only take”, combined with the fact that Oliver directly called him The Eye’s “Archive”. Specifically since, in MAG121, Oliver had highlighted Jon’s ability to extract statement:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Sorry to go on…! I’m… I don’t talk to many people these days. Putting my thoughts outside myself, it gets a bit… mm… clumsy. Be easier if you could talk back, right? Ask me questions and just have it tumble all out. But no. It’s… it’s just me. Wish there was a better way, but… Touching someone’s mind, it’s not… as simple as that, is it? Doesn’t always make things clearer, y’know? Still. I gave the old woman a statement so, maybe I owe you one as well. That’s… how it works, right? Give you a terror, give you a dream. ’s not like I don’t have them to spare.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “I make this report under no ‘authority’, no ‘regulation’ or act of law, save the hollow power and grim responsibility given me by the Termination Of All Life. With it, I may see and spread the hidden veins of destiny that wrap us close and draw us through the empty, yearning parody of meaning that we call life, knowing at all stages that the last and final point of this journey is a blank and futile end. […] Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a ‘plea for mercy’ or a ‘call to action’. I would have offered it willingly, of course, but to do so is no longer an option. You cannot ask; you may only take.”

The circumstances in season 5 have changed, we’ve seen that in the way Jon is managing the new “statements”: he has to let them out, he gets liberated from their weight once they have “poured out of [him] down into the tape”. He can only delay the moment he does it for a very short while, he has to do it when they reach a domain. The only exception has been in MAG167, when he gave a statement about Gertrude and her assistants, which was (at least partially) prompted by Martin’s questions.

So we see a difference between “Archive” and “Archivist” as of now with the statements. We’ve also seen Jon using his powers to “know”, prompted (Martin asking him questions in MAG164) and not (Jon knowing about Annabelle’s phone call in MAG167).Witht the exception of channelling The Eye’s powers to turn a predator into a prey, his abilities now seem mostly passive, but I wonder if it will mean something more, regarding his status as an “Archive” (and if Annabelle is planning to use that)…

(… Concrete question too: is Jon still able to compel, nowadays?)

- There are some bits of Martin’s words that made me go “!” because it implies that he had discussed with Jon about these matters beforehand:

(MAG168) MARTIN: Okay… [FOOTSTEPS] I mean… Well, I don’t like this place. ARCHIVIST: Once again, Martin, that’s… [CHUCKLING] sort of the point…! MARTIN: Yeah, yeah, I know, alright, I get it, it’s just… it’s more than that. This place, what did you call it, the… th– … the “Rotten Core”? ARCHIVIST: The Corpse Roots. MARTIN: Yeah, yeah, that. Well, it… It feels… [SIGH] I don’t know, it feels like it’s– ARCHIVIST: Waiting. MARTIN: Yeah! [CREAKING SOUND] Waiting. [SILENCE PUNCTUATED BY THE WHISPERS] This is the one with the, em… the Death guy, isn’t it? ARCHIVIST: This is Oliver Banks’s domain, yes. MARTIN: … So it’s him who’s waiting. […] Alright, fine, yes, yes, I am jealous, alright? Yes, if you absolutely must know! ARCHIVIST: Because he woke me up. MARTIN: [SPLUTTERING] I was there weeks, and nothing. He talks to you for five minutes, and suddenly you’re back on your feet, and bouncing around like a, like a spring chicken! ARCHIVIST: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] I mean, that’s really not– MARTIN: I mean, what’s so special about him, that you wake up for him and not me, hm? [CREAKING SOUND] Enlighten me.

* “Rotten Core” is MAG157’s title; it’s Adelard’s last message to Gertrude, that was put on Jon’s desk together with the tape of Martin&Peter’s conversation about going down in the tunnels, the association of the two prompting Jon to panic by realising that Martin was probably manipulated into something that didn’t actually have much to do with The Extinction. “Rotten Core” in itself never appeared in Adelard’s email (could have been the subject of it, though?) and, officially, we still don’t know who sent that statement to Jon (Jonah didn’t take credit for that one, neither did Martin or Peter, so… probably Annabelle). But Martin using the phrase seems to imply that he has been filled in about it – did Jon&Martin talk about The Extinction, since the end of MAG159?

* Martin already knew that the “Death Guy” had woken Jon up, so… Jon has explained what happened, too. Unless Martin heard the other tapes during season 4? (And Jon remembered about it and about the fact that it was specifically Oliver who woke him up: this is the first time he has acknowledged that.)

So! They have been exchanging information offscreen!

- I’m HOWLING at petty/jealous Martin.

I didn’t feel like it was toxic or dangerous or OOC at all – Martin [INORDINATELY PLEASED] Blackwood has… quite often been portrayed as incredibly petty and jealous when it came to Jon:

(MAG088) BASIRA: I just, I mean he was good company. Y’know, when he wasn’t being a paranoia machine. He was funny, you know? MARTIN: What, Jon? BASIRA: Yeah. MARTIN: I don’t think I’ve ever heard him tell a joke. BASIRA: Maybe you weren’t listening. MARTIN: Right. Well, I’m sure it’ll get sorted out when DAISY brings him in and you can probably talk to him then. Oh! Sorry, I forgot you’re not actually with the police any more, are you.

(MAG106) MELANIE: [CHUCKLE] Right, well… The jury’s still out on Elias. And anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you. BASIRA: Hm. I dunno, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist. MELANIE: Aaah…! I got the exact same, when Jon was hiding out and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff. Martin was not impressed. BASIRA: Huff. That boy needs to relax. MELANIE: Or at least find someone else to fuss over.

When MAG121’s case number had been revealed (not in Early-Access, but on the public release), there had been many laughs about the fact that Jon had woken up on February 15th, and how much would it suck for Martin to think that his tearful begging from the trailer migt have happened the day before, on Valentine’s Day, only for handsome mlm Death Prophet Oliver Banks to waltz in and get Jon to wake up instantly? So I’m laughing very hard that yes, Martin is INCREDIBLY and irrationally jealous about it, about not having been able to be the one to wake Jon up like in cheesy romance movies.

… the part that does worry me, however, is how lightly Martin seems to be taking the whole “Kill Bill” thing, and how much of it was being jealous over someone Jon had “needed” help from (not so long after Annabelle made a dig at Martin for the fact that he wasn’t feeling useful to Jon right now). I feel like most of the exchange had Martin caricaturing himself a bit, or at least being aware of how silly he sounded, though? And it felt to me like his insistence towards Jon explaining his reluctance to murder was for Jon to, well, explain what is bothering him about it (outside of an ethical question, there is also the fact that Jon… might feel like if he were to do that to avatars, then other avatars/people would be entitled to do the same to him. Which, honestly? Fair. Jon attacked and wrecked innocent people for his own benefit in season 4. If they decided that, even though he has stopped now, he still has hurt people, still is a monster and still needs to die, the same logic could apply.)

There is indeed an absolute disconnect between Martin’s solution (“smiting”) and the tone/enthusiasm/casualness with which he offers it, and it could be rooted in his own feeling of uselessness, the fact he wants to take revenge over those who hurt him and Jon… So I don’t feel like he’s being supernaturally manipulated, but I’m definitely worried that he could take risks and/or make a veryyyy bad decision while trying to prove that no, he can be “useful”…

- ! Jon sounded SO FOND and so amused at Martin’s jealousy! His insidious “Martin~?” and audible smiles! “My husband is a bitch and I love him” feeling, overall.

I like that the exchange seemed well-handled for both of them: Jon naturally standing his ground and pointing out that Martin’s logic was absolutely childish (“Look, Martin: I am sorry you feel that way, but I’m not going to kill a man just because you’re jealous.”), without sounding accusing either; and Martin ultimately relenting (“Fine. I suppose that’s… reasonable.”). They were two idiots in love, Martin being a bigger idiot this time around, but! Idiots.

- Really curious about how Martin will react if they cross paths with Simon or Daisy. Would he encourage Jon to “smite” them too? Or would he be more ambivalent, a bit torn about it? Why has he reacted differently towards Helen – is it strategical, and he just wants to try to use her as long as he can? Is it because he identifies her as the woman he had seen in the corridors, and still feels guilty about not trying to help her then?

… I’m terrified of how he will react if they cross paths with Jared or Jude, however. Jared terrorised him and caused him to accept Peter’s offer, and Jude hurt Jon deeply, something Jon has a very obvious mark to show for. (Same with Jonah: I think that for Martin, it’s clear in his mind that they’ll “smite” Jonah once they reach the Panopticon. I’m not convinced that, after what happened with the Not!Them, Jon would want to do that anymore: if some monsters and avatars didn’t really have a “choice”, then what about Jonah? At which point did he go rotten, irredeemable? What’s the difference between him and Oliver, who’s currently diversifying the way he’s torturing his victims in his domain “for variety”? Is it only Jon’s personal feelings about whether someone helped him a little bit or ensured his personal misery?)

(- ;; Now that Martin has a connection to Oliver through his jealousy… What if Martin’s ending is to lose Jon and then join Oliver’s domain to at least get an exit and cease to be…?)

- I’m a bit more concerned about what is happening in Jon’s head. First off, the way he presented Oliver, as someone who had “helped” him… versus the way he used to describe his “choice” to wake up:

(MAG121) OLIVER: The thing is, Jon, right now, you have a choice. You’ve put it off a long time; but it’s trapping you here. You are not quite human enough to die, but – still too human to survive. You’re… balanced on an edge, where The End can’t touch you, but you can’t escape Him. I made a choice. We all made choices. Now, you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I don’t know, Martin. [FOOTSTEPS] I just, I don’t think he’s… [SIGH] I don’t know, I don’t think he’s evil. [CREAKING SOUND] MARTIN: Oh, yeah, sure, he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison…! ARCHIVIST: It’s just… He helped me. Wh–when I was… He woke me up. MARTIN: Wow. What a hero.

Back in MAG136, Jon wasn’t sure he had made a good decision; it was put into perspective when we learned a few episodes later that, at this point, Jon had already attacked three people to feed, without letting the others know. Trolley problem: was it right, for Jon not to die, if it meant sacrificing three people (soon-to-be five) to sustain himself? Was it a “good” choice?

This episode, Jon unnaturally presented it as Oliver having “helped” him by waking him up, which, mMMM. Seems like he has made his peace with that choice – which, on the one hand, good because less self-deprecating (it’s normal to want to survive), but on the other hand, there would be reasons to still feel guilty for making it, given the consequences?

I’m not really surprised about Jon expressing a degree of sympathy towards Oliver, or at least pointing out that their degree of “choice” in their transformations bears similarities, given that Oliver’s story, his first dreams, the power inflicted on him, came with a gradual desensitisation and acceptance. Chronologically, Oliver’s story is that of someone who gradually stopped fighting fate and came to embrace his Fear-patron (a turning point being when he lost someone precious to him).

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “It was there, sleeping on my friend Anahita’s sofa, in the depths of my misery, that I first started to have the dreams. […] These dreams have been a regular part of my sleeping for about eight years now. Even as life improved and I found a new job and place to live – believe it or not I now work selling crystals and tarot cards in a “magic” shop – they continued to crop up a few times each month.

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) “How many months has it been like this? Was there a time before? There must have been. I remember a life that was not itching, not fear, not nectar-sweet song. I had a job. I sold crystals. They were clean, and sharp and bright and they did not sing to me, though I sometimes said they did. We would sell the stones to smiling young couples with colour in their hair. I remember, before I found the nest, someone new came. His name was Oliver, and he would look at me so strangely. Not with lust or affection or contempt, but with sadness. Such a deep sadness. And once with fear.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: And about two years before I came to your Institute, something happened – something I didn’t want to talk about. Didn’t even want to think about. I… [SIGH] I started to see them when I was awake.

(MAG042, Jennifer Ling) “The sign above didn’t have an obvious name, simply reading ‘Crystals. Books. Tarot’. He was tall, black and careworn, deep lines of worry etched into an otherwise handsome face. When he saw me looking at him, he began to walk up to me, still with that intense look. I took a couple of steps back, and asked if I could help him. He shook his head as if unsure what to say, then asked me what I was listening to. A chill ran over me as I realised he was staring at my ears. I said I wasn’t listening to anything, as I wasn’t wearing headphones, and asked him what he wanted. He shook his head again, and mumbled something about protecting my hearing. He turned away then, and started walking back into the shop.”

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “This worked fine until I saw my father in the dream, walking down Oxford Street, the pulsing veins climbing up his leg and into his chest. I tried to warn him of course – asked leading questions on his health and how he was feeling, whether he’d been tired recently. I even went so far as to book him a doctor’s appointment, much to his annoyance. It did no good, though – ten days later the heart attack came for him and, despite the rapid response of the paramedics and how much of his medical history I had immediately to hand, there was nothing I could do to save him. He died on New Year’s Eve, and as 2014 ended, so did any hope I had of my dreams doing good in the world.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: Wish I… knew why I came here. I s’pose there’s only so long you can dream about someone, and not at least try to find them. That was it with the old woman too. That was different, though. Way I figure it? She stuck her nose in just about everywhere it wasn’t wanted and stirred up hornets. ‘Till all the precautions in the world couldn’t stop Death from finally catching her. If I’d’ve known more back then, I’m… not sure I would’ve bothered trying to warn her. Still. You live and learn, don’t you?

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “I’m well aware that I don’t even know your name, and I have no responsibility to try and prevent whatever fate is coming for you. Based on my previous experience, such a thing is likely impossible anyway, but after what I saw I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try. I did as much research into your Institute as possible, and arranged an appointment to provide a statement about some spurious supernatural encounter. Even then I was told that the Archivist only reviews the written statements once they have been taken, so here I am, pouring out my lunatic story on paper in the hopes that you might eventually read it. If you do see this in time and read this far, then to be honest I don’t know what else to tell you. Be careful. There is something coming for you and I don’t know what it is, but it is so much worse than anything I can imagine. At the very least you should look into appointing a successor. Good luck.”

(MAG121) OLIVER: Mmm… Let me tell you about how I tried to escape. […] It’s been almost ten years since I first started dreaming about the deaths of others, seeing those… awful veins crawling into them. Into… wounds not yet open, or… skulls not yet split. People who were about to die. Every night, I’d watch as they’d… sneak up and into folks about to choke on blood, or urging into hearts about to convulse. I’ve… come to terms with it. [DRY LAUGHTER] I’ve learned to live with it! […] And the worst part was that somewhere in me, I… I liked it! Underneath all that awful fear, it felt… like… home. […] I wanted to escape. I… needed to. […] At that moment, a sudden calm came over me. I understood it all. I could follow the line of the huge veins that encased the ship down into the water, leading off to a point almost a mile from the South-East. There. That was it. That was our fate. Where we would always be. Because I was going to take us there. Running was pointless. To try and to escape from my task would only serve to fulfil another. I finally understood what I needed to do.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “With it, I may see and spread the hidden veins of destiny that wrap us close and draw us through the empty, yearning parody of meaning that we call life, knowing at all stages that the last and final point of this journey is a blank and futile end. I have no power to stop it, and even if I did… I would not do so; for to rob a soul of death is as torturous as its inevitable coming. […] And I shall help, ushering on this final, blank emptiness. Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned. But I am too much of my patron now and my feelings cannot help but reflect the shadows of… anticipation that lurk within the grave. […] And so the scope of my domain is yours…! Enter it and destroy me if you wish. I fear the annihilation you would gift me as little as I desire it. I am now, as the thing I feed, a fixed point, that has neither the longing nor the ability to change its state of existence. […] All – things – end, and every step you take, whatever direction you may choose… only brings you closer to it.”

[Dates-wise: Jennifer Ling left her statement in November 2013 and events were about the previous month; given Oliver’s reaction, he was already seeing the veins when awake back then. Jane Prentiss left her statement in February 2014, so she had met Oliver before he lost his father. “Antonio” left his statement in March 2015; Oliver visited Jon on February 15th 2018.]

It has been around eleven years, by the date of the apocalypse, for Oliver to reach this current state in which he describes himself as “The End that laces through every fibre of my soul” and “too much of my patron”. It only took Jon three years.

Though, overall, I was back at the feeling of the MAG140s episodes with the words/thoughts Jon has for victims and avatars:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: A lot to think about. I… I feel… [FOOTSTEPS] No. I don’t want to destroy Oliver Banks. It wouldn’t do any good. I know that, and he never asked for this any more than I did. I feel badly for those that exist in his domain, o–of course, I do, but… At least, their suffering will be over, eventually. I can’t destroy everyone I cross paths with, it… [SIGH] No. If Oliver will not seek me out, then… I will leave him be. [TINY CHUCKLES] The avatar of Death… shall live. Martin’s going to be thrilled…! [SIGH]

* Stfu about deciding what is “better” for victims, Jon. (As a personal choice, yes, I would probably prefer the prospect of dying over eternal torment; HOWEVER, it’s not Jon’s place to establish what’s better for others, so Jon trying to rationalise his decision to go after Oliver? Nop, I don’t care, own up to your feelings, don’t scramble for excuses by saying you think it might be more ~charitable~ :<)

* Oliver who “never asked for this any more than I did” also explained very casually that:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Sometimes, for some small variety, I will allow Danika to brush against another root: the final fate of someone she loves. […] And with each one, she knows her steps forward bring closer not only her own end, but all of theirs. Time walks forward with her, but she has not the strength to stop it. Her fate draws ever-nearer, filling me with the joy of watchful fear, but also my own concerns.”

He’s not a passive jailor. Oliver is actively enjoying tormenting his victims in different ways “for some small variety”.

I thiiiiink more and more that Jon might now be targeting the whole Fear-system, and not (anymore) the individual avatars/monsters who were pushed and twisted by the Fears to become their servants, as he had begun to think about in the second half of season 4 (“I was so sure I’d find something up there. But instead, it was just another broken person trying to come to terms with the wreckage of their life.” about Manuela, lamenting over Jane, etc.) But that brings us back to that awkward stage where it feels to me like Jon is almost more humanising avatars/monsters currently hurting their victims, than the victims themselves who are just… there, and not extremely relevant.

(I’m reaaaally really really curious about how Jon will behave towards Jonah.)

- … I’m also a bit concerned that Jon deciding that Oliver’s victims at least get to die implies something bigger: that Jon is… giving up on the idea to reverse/undo this apocalypse. If these people die, they die, it’s over. Which means that, right now, Jon doesn’t think he has a better alternative to offer them. He had hopes at the end of MAG162, he got a few hints in MAG164 about how to banish the Fears; he… might already be giving hope of fixing things, without officially voicing it?

  MAG169’s title screams Desolation to me (+ bonus Agnes, with the way she got anchored to Gertrude and/or her death), and that could mean Jude (… which would be extremely interesting right now, given Martin “Kill Bill” Blackwood’s willingness to harm monsters/avatars; what could go possibly wrong with making him meet someone who physically hurt Jon, leaving a mark to show for it on one of his hands? So much). There is also a potential connection to the Distortion, and in way that could mean bad stuff (and Jon and/or Martin having to go through the door). Potentially Jon’s lighter being put to use, or Jon&Martin getting a clue about why Jon was gifted it?

Alternatively, if the meaning is more oblique and meant to subvert expectations: Vast stuff?

[nox-scrie]

The Burning Devil

TMA5 Countdown- Day 1, The Corruption and The Vast

So... the trailer dropped yesterday and this fanfic is NOT really true to the canon universe but I don't really care (as Jonny doesn't care about me or my feelings). Also it's not corrected so I'm sowwy for this @pilesofnonsense . Hope y'all like it though!!

Content Warnings: Burning, Loneliness, Cancer and some kind of Madness

Characters: Jon "Jarchivist" Sims, Martin "Too Pure 4 This" Blackwood, Jude Perry and some OCs

Fears: The Corruption, The Vast and some mentions of The Eye

Rating: Teen and Up Audience

Setting: ~a month after the ending of Season 4

Word Count: 3585

~~

The Burning Devil

The train almost reached London when the weird things started happening. Most of the passengers were asleep, the train having been going non-stop for the last 15 hours. Nobody even cared to look at the two men sitting in a bed together in a sleep  car, one of the two shaking so badly you couldn't focus on his shape and the other franatically searching for something in a backpack.

The first light bulb went out as easily as if you blew a candle. One of the men started nervously bitting his lip, before abandonind the bag and craddling the trembling man in his arms. A girl on a few beds away from them, headphones in her years and a book opened in her lap, sent a nasty look towards the non-functioning light, and then looked at the two men as if she knew they were looking at her. She didn't say anything though, other than smiling in an approving way.

Then, the whole train shook, as if it was passed by an electric wave. Now most of the passangers were awake, some screaming in distress, others just mumbling about the poor quality of transportation in England.  Nobody looked at the men that were hugging on the bed, and how something started... moving on one of their skin. A sigh escaped the trembling person as they started clinging to their lover's sweater.

"Martin." was all he said, and then the eyes that have appeared on his skin started blinking rapidly, chaotically, and Martin started feeling sick.

"I... I think I can find it, Jon. I really do. Just..."

"No. The girl. She has something to tell me."

Jon was looking down at the dirty bedsheets, rows of sweat covering his forehead, but the eyes kept staring at the girl with the headphones, who was now half out of her bed and walking the short distance towards them. Martin covered Jon's forearms with a blanket, but he could do anything about the eyes that appeared on his lovers' face and neck. He was hungry, and there was no other meal than information, trauma, pain and sorrow he needed right now.

"Hey... is your partner okay? It looks like-" and then she saw the eyes. The moment was imprinted on her face, which turned a ghostly white, her black eyes wide and mouth started opening to let out a scream.

"No." was all Jon said, looking at her with his own eyes, and the scream was stuck in the girl's throat. The eyes on Jon's skin started to shine, as if blazing from within. "Tell me... tell me your story."

A tape recorder appeared on his hand out of thin air, and Martin closed his eyes for a few seconds and signaled for the girl to have a seat on their bed. She did that, but Martin wasn't sure how much of that was her own will and how much The Eye's. He extended a hand though, and she looked at it, panicked, before looking at Martin once again and seeing.. something on his face that made her take his hand.

Nobody was paying attention to the two men and the girl that were sitting in a bed, prefering to watch the windows that were now cracked in shapes that perfectly resembled some eyes. Martin started feeling his heart pumping, fatigue overtaking his body, and he didn't look st Jon, he couldn't. Instead, he focused on the girl's face and clasped her hand with both of his.

Jon pressed play, and the eyes were rolling around and around on his skin, all kinds of colors and shapes, from white to blue to purple and yellow, from small to wide and enlongated. His voice was calm, collected, and it sent a chill down Martin's spine as he tightened his grip on the girl's hand. He hated the this, the fact that The Eye had so much control, the way it turned his lover into a puppet. Even though anger was building up inside his chest, he took a deep breath and focused on the story. There was nothing either of them could do now.

"Statement of... Alicia Jesper... regarding the last car race she ever took part in. Statement recorded directly from subject, the first of November, 2018. Statement begins."

There was a moment of silence, and the eyes focused on Alicia at once, burning on her. She let out a sigh, one of distress or fear or both, and she opened her mouth and started talking. The words were heavy, and being dragged out like this was like seeing someone be placed in a chair and given a handgun, so they can kill themselves before it gets worse for them. Martin felt his hands crushed by her, and he realized that maybe she was angry too. He hoped she was; anger is not hopelessness, he would know.

"I've always been interested in cars. Either in an aesthetic sort of way, or driving them, cars are a constant in my life more than anything else... or, they used to be, at least.

My first memory is me in the front seat, being held by my father. I remember how small my hands were on the steering wheel, and how he laughed, or caughed, because I was shaking and I thought that's what it felt like to drive on a bumpy road. I must have been around three or four years old then, and my father died when I was ten. Mom never recovered, and by the time I turned fourteen, sha has changed half a dozen of jobs and has given up entirely on at least trying to get better.

When she told me we had to sell the car to pay our rent, I revolted. It was not my fault that she couldn't get herself into psychiatric help, and neither was the car's. I told her, begged her, to try to get into therapy and finding a job, but she was hellbent. And that's how I got my first fake ID.

One of the upperclassmen, some person named Morgan Doe, was into this shady, movie-like, kind of bussines. They had a reputation for faking IDs and other documents, and getting their hands on everything you wanted for the right price. I took all of our economies, which were really not that many now that I think of it, and asked for a Graduation Certificate and a fake ID. They haven't even looked at me for more than three seconds, and nodded. In two weeks, I was a new person, Allison Jay, an 18 year old who was taking a gap year before going to the University of Manchester. I got a job of delivering pizza without even trying too hard.

Now I just had to learn how to drive. There are many... many Youtube tutorials and Wikihow articles that really do help, but I had to learn it on my own, my short body barely reaching the pedals. It was a long process, but luckily I haven't destroyed anything in the time I was learning, and the police never stopped my car, even as I knew I was not driving under the speed limit.

From then on, it was the time for jobs related to driving: I delivered pizza, drove people around, even signed up for Uber for a while. The tips were good, but I had to clean the backseat so often that the material started wearing off. All in all, throught high school my mom and I did great money wise. She was still a nasty thing, angry and... in pain all the time, but at least we had something to put on the table every day. And then she died too, and I was left with a three-room apartment and crappy car. I was finishing high school then, and after the graduation ceremony, I packed my things, burned up any remains of the name Alicia Jesper I could find, sold the apartment and the car and left.

My first sports car was won in a race. It was a lucky strike; I was with one of my friends, Mirabella Ashton, who's place I was crashing, and we thought it could be fun. We were both into driving, and my friend even participated in a few races, but I was a newbie. Still, when this drunk guy came to us and said that he will race for his car, my fingers started trembling and my brain was on fire, and before I knew what was happening, I said yes. My friend was pretty tipsy too, and they let me borrow their car as long as I get it back in one piece. I joked that they didn't even know me, but I was nervous anyway. I placed a few grans on the bet, almost all of the money I had left, got into my friends' car and tried to calm my heart. I looked at the other drivers, all of them young and overrexcited that they will compete against a drunk guy and a girl, and the anger that started in my heart was more powerful than any fuel you can lay your eyes on.

So I drove. And I won. I shared the profit after the first race with my friend, and with the rest of the money and the car, I left the city. And so my life of car racing started. It was not always illegal, but it was hard to make a name for yourself in a men's world, without college or relations to send you to the top. I lived the next decade in abandoned train stations and open fields, drank so much booze my blood turned to beer, and had the time of my life. It was last year, when the incident happened.

I was good at what I was doing. I was so good, people were started to call me The Burning Devil, and got out of my way when I came to the races. It's not a popular activity, with only a few true sponsors, and after I settled down I started to get to know most of the people that came to these events. It would have been surprising to not notice the new person who came in that awful day, all dressed in red leather and with ginger hair.

She said her name was Jude, not giving a last name too. She said she was a newbie, as if you couldn't see that from how she was too-casually leaned on her car. She said she wanted to race, and that she wanted to race me.

I laughed, a bitter sound, and told her I don't want to crush her dreams when they're still so young. She in retutn extended a hand towards me, a wide smile on her face, and told me that if I give her a chance I might just change my mind. I didn't laugh this time; there was something in her voice... it made me jump slightly, as if there was a small flame under my feet. She was the one who laughed, and got inside her car without wating for me to shake her hand.

I looked at my friends, at my family basically, the only people who have cared for me and helped me improve, and smiled an already winning smile. They cheered me, and Mirabella, who was staying at my place for the time being, gave me a kiss on the lips. We were kind of in a relationship at the time, but that didn't continue after the race.

It was an easy win. I had a decade of experience and a good car, way better than the one I won when I was eighteen. I looked over to the girl in red leather, and she was staring right back at me. As the signal that warned us to get ready was heard, she smiled at me, again. This time I felt the flame cover my arms, and I hissed. I remember thinking that I should not let her get in my head.

This race was held on a hill, as were most of the races sponsored by Simon Fairchild. We were supposed to ride from the bottom of it to the top and make an U-turn to get back to where we started. It was more complicated than one might think, having to control the car both as you drive on a diagonal line, and and as you turn on a small area of space. Yet, I've made this circuit for more than a dozen of times so I wasn't worrying.

It took me only three minutes to get ahead by a good few hundred of metres. I could barely see har car, as red as her clothes, in the rear view mirror, and laughed out loud, feeling one with the car, feeling so free and so present in the world... The top of the hill was right ahead, and I was already feeling the taste of the rum the others' were going to give me and the smell of Mirabella's skin when she hugged me. It will be amazing to see the girl in red red with anger.

I reached the top of the hill witht he right speed limit to make the turn. My hand was on the break, at ready, and just as I turned it it... wasn't moving. It was stuck. I frantically started moving the handle, the end of the cliff top approaching me hurriedly, and I just couldn't. I started unbuckling my seat belt, ready to jump out of the car, and then I saw the red car, right next to my window. With half a mind I thought about how could she have gotten there so fast, and then I started to notice the fire. Her whole car was ablaze. She was laughing, but I couldn't hear her, just watch the wicked way her lips moved, and then she waved at me and I noticed that.. her skin was dripping. Just like the wax of a candle. The last thing I remember before plumetting off the hill was that her eyes and hair have caught fire too, and that it was beautiful in it's horror.

And then the car plummeted off the cliff. My seat belt was off, and I frantically tried to open the door, but it was stuck too. I think I screamed, I must have screamed, waiting for my awful end. But I.. I didn't die. The car was falling at a constant speed, like a paper airplane, almost floating in the air. The sky above me was too bright, and the green of the hill was barely noticeable in my fall. I didn't move, out of terror that changing my position might cause the lose of balance the car has. So I just waited for my inevitable death.

It's a weird thing, knowing that you'll die in only a few minutes, and knowing how it will happen, but being useless as in making a change. I watched the sky above me, that burning blue, and thought of my father. He has died of lung cancer from working long hourse in a mine around my hometown. Mom passed away in a similar way, lung cancer, but it was a weird thing... she has never smoked, or been around so heavily polluted air as my father did.

As the car kept crashing, falling, floating, I felt it. I felt the air being stuck in my chest, and I started coughing. I couldn't breath. I couldn't open my mouth enough to get in some air, any air, I couldn't make my nose inhale, or my chest stop hurting, and my head started feeling heavy as I was coughing and falling and floating towards my own death. I felt blood vessels explode across my skin with ugly pops, my eyes glued shut, I felt hopeless and wished so, so, hard to just die already.

And then it stopped. The car was still floating at a constant speed, but the pain in my chest was no longer there. I could breath, and I did that for at least ten minutes before allowing myself to open my eyes. The sky was brighter than ever, and I hated it.

That's how I lived for what must have been three days. It was coughing fits and the impossibility to breath, it was me crying softly in the driver's seat, not caring about any kind of balance as I tried with all my might to open the door, any door, and kill myself to escape from that hell. The sky turned black when night begun, such as it did everyday, but even that was too bright, ablaze, mocking me in its freedom. I couldn't sleep. I didn't feel hunger, or thirst, either, I just sat there, watching, wishing to die, wishing for the coughing fits to stop, but none of my wishes came true.

When I felt something of that floating shift, I was just getting out of a coughing fit. This one was different than the others, blood having painted my hands now. That was the moment the car started falling.

It took only a few seconds. It took only a few seconds for it to get stuck in a tree around the other end of the hill, and for me to open the driver's door as if it was nothing. I fell on the ground and started running, expecting to be sore or hungry or in pain, at least, but I was feeling nothing. I ran and left my crashed car behind, as far away as I could. I needed to get on the road, to hitchhike to the city, and to make sure everyone knew I'm okay.

That's when I saw all the people gathered right where the race started, cheering for the girl in red so loudly I could hear it from almost a mile away. I stopped in my tracks; there was no way they could have been sitting there for three days, in exactly the same clothes. Uncertain, I walked towards them and saw the girl, Jude, with her arm around Mirabella's shoulder, saying something in her ear. She was not burned up. She was fine, her car was fine, her clothes were fine. I was not fine.

When Jude saw me, she smiled that wide, awful grin. I felt like I could cry, but I cried so much in the air that I don't think I'll be able to do it again. Jude thanked me for the race, and kissed Mirabella on the head. Her eyes were slightly unfocused, but she looked at me with an indescribable expression, before turning in Jude's embrace, away from me.

"And thanks for my prize, too." said Jude, barely above a whisper, as she turned towards the crowd with Mirabella. I could see that Mirabella's shirt had a hole on the shoulder where Jude's hand has been, a hole that looked as if it was burned in the material. It was the shape of the girl in red's hand.

I hitchhiked the way home. None of my friends offered me a ride."

Martin's hands were sore, and Allison's eyes were red, as if she has been crying. Jon no longer had the eyes covering his skin and he looked tired, not sick, as he looked before. The trembling stopped, and the windows were back in their original shape. Most of the passangers thought they must have imagined them breaking, or saw the branches of the trees in the pale moonlight hitting across the windows and thought they were cracks.

"Statement ends. Thank you... Alicia. "

"Do. Not. Call me. That." she extracted her hands from Martin's grip and formed a fist towards Jon, clutching her jaw. "I don't know what you just did, how you made me talk, but what I've been through has been hard enough without some creppy guy digging in my past and making me throw up all my trauma to be recorded on that stupid tape. Do you and your boyfriend get off on that?"

"It's really not like that Allison, we-" Martin started, but she extended her hand and made a fist of his sweater, threatening him now.

"Stop it. Stop it. This has been.. a very weird night. I will go back to sleep and when I wake up you two will not say a word to me ever again, not if you don't want me to call the cops. This night, this discussion, has not happened."

Jon let out a soft, unamused laugh, and nodded. Allison got up from the bed, clutching her hands around her neck, and started coughing. She returned to her bed with her back turned towards them, headphones in her ears, and did not move from that position.

"I hate when that you have to do that." Martin said, failing to hide the edge of his voice.

"I know. Me too. But it will be over soon, okay? It will be over soon."

They looked at each other and Jon sighed, placing a small kiss on Martin's forehead. He has been getting hungrier and hungrier in the past few days, but at noleast now they had a plan. Jon clutched the tape recorder in his hand and looked at the sky, the sky that was looking back at him, and hoped that their plan will work.

[comicteaparty]

September 21st-September 27th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from September 21st, 2019 to September 27th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

How would you describe the target audience for your comic?  Did you intend to aim at that audience, or did it just happen?

Deo101 (Millennium)

My target audience for millennium http://millennium.spiderforest.com/ was and is LGBT youth. Specifically teens. I know when I was a kid reading a story where gay people are just kind of... There? No jokes, no stereotypes, more than one... That would have helped me a lot. So I'm trying to make that for other kids! I think the story has reached a much wider/older audience then I intended, but I know it has helped at least some LGBT youth/young adults and that's all I could ever ask for.(edited)

spacerocketbunny

The target audience for Ghost Junk Sickness is definitely queer youth and young adults! Much like what @Deo101 (Millennium) is saying, basically we wanted something like the cool action scifi comics we read when we were younger with good queer rep that's integrated and normalized in the universe! As it turned out though, the audience we reached has been all over the place ranging from older women to big biker dudes?? Every time we go to cons we can never guess who'll purchase a book because the range is so varied! I'm sure we still reach the original target to an extent but the rest is all over the map it seems! I don't think it's a bad thing, it's just been pretty unexpected

Deo101 (Millennium)

Not bad at all ^^ more like a pleasant surprise!

spacerocketbunny

Exactly!

Deo101 (Millennium)

I think those other, older people are also looking for a story to reach their inner child... And I think that's great

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Lol, I feel the similarly way about my own story. My goal was definitely to make something me as a kiddo would have loved, which essentially would have been shonen stories but with a female majority cast. I think I already figured my target audience would be similar to me, but I've been consistently surprised by how many male identifying folks like it. I guess I do like that they can hang though X) Anyway, these are my floppy, post work out thoughts. Hopefully they make sense.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

The target audience for Phantomarine (http://www.phantomarine.com/) was never super clear from the beginning - I just wanted to make something I'd like as a teen. Luckily (or unluckily! in terms of describing it to people ) the story is a mishmash of a bunch of different genres. It's not quite a ghost story, not quite a pirate adventure, not quite a fantasy epic, but it has elements of them all. And it does seem to have attracted people who like those different genres. It may not be easy if I ever want to publish it properly (it's a little difficult to describe my 'brand' ) but as it is, it's got everything I would have liked when I was between 14 and 18.

My happiest surprise is hearing about the younger kids who have read it, understood it, and really enjoyed it. Knowing that 10-12 year olds can appreciate my work is really awesome. I try to keep the language and scary/questionable content at Harry Potter levels, but I like having some of the depth/maturity of stories like The Golden Compass. If they like Phantomarine now, I really hope they find extra enjoyment with it as they grow up. It's going to be a ride!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Gosh, I get that feel of being multi-genre and not knowing quite how to describe your Brand X') I feel like I've gotten better at defining it over time but it's still a struggle to briefly describe what my thing even is some days. Also Golden Compass I'm always excited to find other comic folks who were also influenced by that series.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

It's my gold standard for the right blend of fantasy, reality, and maturity. It's just the best

keii4ii

The target audience for Heart of Keol (https://heartofkeol.com/) is extremely tiny, but it does have appeal for people outside of that niche. I make it for myself, and the relevant aspects of "myself" here are: a) Grew up in Korea, is living (or has lived for an extended period of time) in a predominantly English-speaking part of the world b) Bonus points if they spent some time living in rural Korea c) Is into slow burn drama about characters who could be described as being "genuine" and probably "lawful" as well d) Likes the aesthetics of fantasy settings, but is more into the mundane, almost slice of life, side of drama e) Is very much into reading between the lines for more emotional stuff. Reads a lot of heart from sceneries, possibly more than from faces. (I have face blindness and this affects how I experience comics both as a reader and as a creator)

Obviously people who meet both a) and b) are gonna be harder to find! But if one can meet c), d) and e), that's enough to enjoy the comic the way it's meant to be enjoyed, or so I hope.

The reason a) and b) matter is because it affects how the setting/aesthetics come across. To someone like me, the old Korea setting feels homey, warm, nostalgic. It's like a shorthand for "sit down and enjoy this heartfelt slow burn tale." But to others, Magical Asia might feel exciting and exotic, which isn't really what the story is meant to be, so there may be some dissonance.

seetherabbit

I haven't given much thought about the target audience for Vulperra. (https://vulperra.com/) other than then it's probably for people who like adventure, fantasy and cartoony-ish animals

Cronaj

My target audience is kind of all of the place. Initially when I began scripting my comic, Whispers of the Past, I was really into anime and manga, especially ones like Attack on Titan that were a gritty fantasy. However, since then, my style and story have changed tremendously. My target audience now tends to be young women, aged 15-25, who enjoy detailed world building in high fantasy and are definitely into family drama in story telling. Initially, I wrote the story to fit certain perameters that I myself enjoyed. For example, I am particularly obsessed with the idea of the mundane meeting the fantastical and amazing. The quiet lull of ordinary life juxtaposed by the rigor of magical entities. I specifically focus a lot on drawing beautiful artwork for the panels, because I myself am a picky-pants when it comes to selecting comics I want to read. Another one of my obsessions is a fantasy setting so detailed that you feel like if the story ended, the world would still live on. (One of my inspirations was the Inheritance series by Christopher Paolini, in which the author essentially wrote several languages, similar to Tolkien.) In reality, my readers tend to be women aged 30+ (probably who watch k-dramas like I do), and a lot of D&D players. It's fun really, discovering how much of my own hobbies bleed into my stories.

AntiBunny

Early on with AntiBunny http://antibunny.net/ I was hoping for fans of scifi and film noir. What I got were fans of classic cartoons and furries. Which is fine by me really. Furries are nice people who are passionate about their hobbies (and spend money).

Jonny Aleksey

A superhero audience was always the intention for J-Man (http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/the-undefeatable-j-man/), but specifically, right now, I'm aiming for something all ages. Slightly teen drama, cartoony but grounded. My inspirations were Spectacular Spider-Man and the DCAU so anyone who likes that is the readership I expect. Hopefully I can reach people who are on the fence about superheroes. The all ages aspect is something newish relatively speaking. When I started my webcomic I wanted to stay away from the "deep real edgy" tone I made when I was in high school (shiver). It took me a bit to really get that tone down. I don't use curse words and only mild blood, but occasionally stuff that borders on teen+ go through. (there's one instance in #5 where J-Man's face gets burnt by the villain that might've been a bit much) I don't think the all ages banner is going to restrict me from telling certain storylines/character development. Just means it won't be excessively grim.

Erin/Leif & Thorn on Kickstarter

The target audience for my webcomics is LGBT nerds who want stories that give them strong feelings, and who like SF/F, anime, competent characters that don't have to take turns with the Idiot Ball to keep the plot moving, and cats. Admittedly that last bit might be redundant, since everyone on the internet likes cats.

Ash🦀

I’ll be honest with you, I’m the target audience of my comic. (http://www.fwmgofficial.com/) it’s not out yet (it’ll be out October 31st) but as the writer I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. Mostly, it’s just targeted to young adults and autistic people. I never got to see people like me in comics, so I wrote a comic where an autistic person can be the hero too, even in his own way. For me, I figure whoever likes it likes it and that’s good enough for me. (also furries. Definitely targeted furries)

Kay Rose

@Ash🦀 cant wait to read it!

Ash🦀

QwQ thank you!!

MJ Massey

So far Black Ball is pulling in a mix of people who like the vintage aesthetic (1920s and art deco with some old-school macabre for some reason?) and people who like shonen manga, which is great. Even if Black Ball isn't specifically macabre or strictly shounen (though I myself have made shounen battle manga-esque comics in the past)

DaemonDan (The Demon Archives)

Audience of my comic... Per Google it's 18-35 year old men from the US and Russia XD Which makes sense given it's a pretty hard sci-fi with a lot of military action from dudes in power armor and etc. Though I try not to go too "high octane action!1!" and explore more psychological elements too.