#just finished watching something that I know damned well the budget got cut short

[loregoddess]

I think I've figured out why I like On the Way to a Smile so much, and it's not bc it made Advent Children make sense, or explain Rufus and the Turks' seemingly sudden heel-face turn...

but rather bc it's about that weird timeframe of "after the adventure comes to an end and the world must heal", but not in a vague "and then they rebuilt"--it actually takes and explores a handful of characters and makes that weird narrative timeframe (which so often gets glossed over via "x years later" in epilogues and stuff)--the book makes that weird timeframe the story focus itself

[kumkaniudaku]

Understanding

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17

Recommended Listening: Understanding x Xscape, Purple Emoji (ft. J. Cole) x Ty Dolla $ign, My World x Asian

Word Count: 2,137 

If you were going to win an award that afternoon, it’d be for attire, not confidence. Your expertly crafted golf outfit was the only thing willing your feet forward once you parked your car in front of Senior’s golf course.

Black women and men dressed like modern Jet magazine ads waltzed in and out of the clubhouse while you scanned the area for your party. You’d been to your fair share of golf courses, but none as exquisite as The National. Marble accents complemented modern brass finishes and unbeatable views of the city. The desire to take photos for your father was almost too much to shake, but you managed to play it cool. Acting out of place was surely some type of faux pas for the wealthy.

Across the way, Senior sat at the bar sipping a glass of water while thumbing through a newspaper. His furrowed brow was identical to Yahya’s whenever he was knee-deep in work or a good book. The mental comparison made you smile before ushering in a tinge of sadness. For two people so undeniably similar, they were miles apart physically and mentally.

You navigated through groups of young and old alike on the way to the bar.

“You made it on time,” Senior spoke without looking up from a story on education budget cuts.

“I made it with time to spare.”

“You don’t get praise for doing what’s right.”

“Think of how much better things would be if we did.”

Senior paused his reading to take a deep breath and shake his head. You mentally berated yourself for overstepping so soon. Not even five minutes into the outing and you had already committed an avoidable infraction

Yahya I prolonged the unbearable silence as he continued to read through another article, reading each line painstakingly slow while you watched in agony.

“I apologize. That was unnecessary.”

“I’ll ask you again,” he spoke, finally looking away from the newspaper to study your face. “Let’s leave the character right here. We’re here for a purpose, so grab your clubs and follow me to the first hole. I hope your game is as good as you are at running your mouth.” Taking his retort in stride, you quickly grabbed your set of clubs and followed with no objections. “After you.”

Senior found himself immediately impressed though he wouldn’t verbalize his feelings. He watched you breeze through each hole with near expert precision, opening a series of questions at hole 5 during casual small talk.

“Where’d you say you were from again?”

“A tiny town in South Carolina that you probably wouldn’t know.”

“Try me,” he answered while taking stock of his position on the fairway.

“Anderson, South Carolina. Home of Larry Nance and the great Chadwick Boseman.”

“Can’t forget James Kennedy, Young Lady.”

You cocked your head back in surprise. “What you know about Radio? I mean outside of what the movie says?”

Senior remained quiet long enough to take a hard swing. The loud “whiff” of his driver slicing through crisp, clean air didn’t match the stroke’s output. Both of you watch the golf ball sail high into the air before making a landing well short of the intended destination. Senior shook his head at the miscalculation before turning to answer your question.

“Black folks from all over are connected, even without all that Snapgram and Facebook foolishness.”

“I could argue it’s helped, right? How else would you be able to share your granddaughter’s first steps with the whole family?”

“In photo albums. You might not remember those, but they did us just fine.”

“Yeah, but it’s instantaneous conversation and information. Who wouldn’t want that?”

“Maybe instantaneous conversation is the problem. We aren’t making enough time to stop and really think about what we’re saying to each other.”

“Mm.” You let the conversation naturally taper before following Senior to his golf cart. The rolling hills provided enough scenery to keep you interested while you sorted the words in your head.

“I think we may have started off on the wrong foot.” You spoke once the cart came to a full stop. Senior trailed behind in silence, gathering a new club while watching you examine the other golfers in the area.

“You’re rather observant.”

You chuckled and plucked a club from your bag. “I’ve been told. Yahya calls me Eagle Eye when I catch something he’s already talked about ten minutes ago.”

“It’s what his Big Mama used to call his Pop-Pop for the same thing. That man was notoriously late to the punchline.” The nostalgia in Yahya I’s voice caught you off guard though he didn’t see your minor fumble. Something in his retelling appealed to your sense of compassion in a way that you considered long gone when it came to him.

“Let’s not beat around the bush. You have an issue with my presence that we should discuss. Because I can assure you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Bold,” Senior responded with a sarcastic laugh. He gestured to nothing in particular as you squared up to take a swing and nodded. “And direct. Continue.”

You took a moment to hit a line drive toward the green in the distance, using the movement as an outlet for the unexpected nerves churning your stomach. Both of you quietly watch the golf ball for its final resting place before you turned to speak.

“You are extremely hard to please, and it is literally ruining your family. Yahya does everything in his power, and, excuse my French, you don’t seem to give a fuck. Why is that?”

“What makes you think that my love isn’t what makes me push him to be the best that he can? It may not be the fluff and frills you’re used to in your home, but it’s what he needs to get him to his potential.”

“Did it help you?”

Senior mistakenly allowed a quick moment of confusion to take over his features. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You tell me. When’s the last time you enjoyed a laugh with your family or felt like you could just...be? You’re carrying a weight that is crushing the people around you, and you don’t even see it.”

“You don’t…” Senior caught his words and bottled them behind his lips. He took a deep breath as he approached his golf ball and took a half-hearted swing. Noticing his misstep, he shook his head. “I’m from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. My father, Yahya’s Pop-Pop, moved my mother and me to a shotgun shack to find work when things weren’t quite shaking out back home. He was in and out of trouble and such. Couldn’t get right, but he had a natural knack for building and design.”

A nearby group of golfers erupted into laughter, helping to break up some tension.

“So architecture’s been in the family for a while,” you asked. Yahya I curled the corner of his lips into a far-off smile.

“A long, long time. It got us out of that shack when my siblings came along and into a house with our own rooms and a backyard. But, my father was a hard man. Hard to please, you know,” he laughed, making a reference to your earlier words. “He wanted the best from me, and he made damn sure he got it. I needed that to get my head out of the clouds.”

“You also needed some reassurance.”

“Perhaps. But, what’s done is done. I look at what I’ve built with no complaints, especially when it comes to my boys. I couldn’t be more proud of the men they’ve become.”

Senior’s proud smile almost looked foreign on his face. You’d never seen more than an indifferent expression or the slight twinge of anger smoldering behind his eyes.

Leaning on your club, you kept your eyes forward to gaze out over the course.

“Yahya would love to hear that. I don’t know if you know this, but he is desperately searching for your approval. There is not enough praise from me or anyone else that could replace knowing that you’re proud of him. Yet, as much as he would like to tell you these things himself, he’s afraid that you’ll think less of him for being vulnerable.”

“I could never think less of the boy. Tough love is still love.”

“Maybe for you,” you added, shrugging. “But, what good is continuing this cycle if it’s hurting the children you claim to love and the grandchildren after them?”

Senior dropped his head in thought before looking up with an unreadable expression. “Deuce will be fine. He’s all the best parts of his mother. I...I’m confident he’ll figure out fatherhood on his own despite my shortcomings. We raised him well.”

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping -”

“That has never stopped you before, young lady.” His light-hearted chuckle invited you to follow suit.

“Fair point,” you laughed. “So, let me cut to the chase. Allowing Yahya to just ‘figure things out’ is a passive existence. Yahya says you’re constantly reminding him to take things into his own hands. Sounds like you should take your own advice. Be the parts of your father that you needed at 33.”

Instead of acknowledging your advice, Senior twirled his club in his hand on the way to the golf cart. He maintained an impenetrable poker face that even the most skilled readers couldn’t interpret. You silently hoped that at least some of your words had made it through his thick skull, but you chose to let the discussion meet a natural end.

As he started the cart, Senior turned to you and smiled. “How the hell you learn to swing like that? I know it wasn’t in Anderson.”

“Hey, we play a little golf here and there!”

“Where? Out in the woods?”

“No, out in the Bayou like you did.”

A small smirk crept across your face as Yahya I chuckled at your joke. He sounded identical to Yahya, full of mirth and beautiful melodies.

“The ole Bayou,” he repeated in a thick accent. “You ain’t seen a place more beautiful in your life.”

“Maybe Yahya and I could visit one day.”

He quickly looked over and shrugged. “Maybe. For now, you focus on defending this lead. I think I’m getting back into my rhythm.”

Senior couldn’t make a convincing comeback, but he did show glimpses of a softer, more personable disposition. He cracked jokes on occasion and asked questions that turned the conversation from a therapy session to banter between associates. Your mind traveled to the possibility of civil family dinners or vacations during the ride home. Though it seemed silly to create imaginary scenarios after one conversation, you couldn’t help the urge to see a better future.

Your happiness helped you float into your shared apartment, making Yahya smile when he caught a glimpse of your wide grin and short skirt.

“Damn, girl,” he hollered from the couch with Leche cradled in his arms. “If Tiger was out there cheeked up like that, I might’ve paid a little more attention to the golf network.”

“Oh, really?”

Your raised eyebrow made Yahya kiss his teeth once he caught on to the joke. “You know what I meant. Where you been anyway?”

“Oh, I was just out doing a little golfing...with your dad.”

“Right. That was today, huh?”

Even Yahya’s best attempt at feigning interest, his question came out in a flat drone typically used on annoying coworkers. You dropped your purse and keys against a nearby barstool on the way to his spot on the couch.

“It was today. I think we had a good time,” you answered as you slid your arms around his neck from behind, placing a gentle kiss behind his ear. “He didn’t yell at me.”

“You must’ve kissed his ass the entire time.”

“No. We talked about how great I am at golf. I mean, I kicked his ass.”

“Good on you, baby girl. Bring honor to our house.” In a surprise maneuver, Yahya pulled you over the couch and into the space beside him. “Is that all?”

Silence blanketed the room, allowing the college basketball game in the background to have center stage. You considered your options carefully, weighing the pros of a potential argument against a peaceful Saturday indoors. Yahya turned his attention back to the television as he waited for a response.

“Did you hear me, baby? He didn’t say anything rude to you, did he?”

“No!” You blurted. Taking a deep breath, you slowly slid the remote off the coffee table and pressed the power button. Yahya blinked twice at his reflection on the black television screen before turning to you for answers. Your fingers danced across his thighs to interlock with his long digits.

“I think...I think we need to have a real talk about your dad.”

----

A/N: I hope this is better late than never. Only two more chapters left! Really striving to have those to y’all by the end of the month.

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[connan-l]

All right, so now that I finally digested the final a little I have some random messy thoughts about Fruits Basket 2019. It got really long lol, but this has been stuck in my head for a while so I needed to get it out!

Honestly, it was a very good adaptation and I’m still in awe I was able able to see the whole manga animated. Fruits Basket is pretty important to me, as I read it for the first time when I was around twelve and it was definitely one of the series that impacted me the most — the way it tackles themes of cycle of abuse, loneliness, grief and moving forward still feel very special to me even now (I briefly wrote a post about it months ago after rereading the manga), so of course I was delighted upon hearing the reboot announced and for the most part, it didn’t disappoint. I’d never truly thought I’d be able to see characters like Rin or Machi actually move on screen in my lifetime so in a way it still feel surreal lmao (RIP to Komaki though). It was really refreshing to revisit the story in that way, especially given amusingly enough I am myself in the middle of some big changes in my life where I have to leave things behind so it felt sort of... well, I won’t say empowering per se, but quite encouraging and satisfying to watch Furuba, and especially its final, at this timing, in a way. It wasn’t perfect, there are certainly a lot of flawed directive choices that I question and unfortunately quite some important cut contents — but even at its lowest it stayed all in all good. I’m genuinely a bit stunned there are people who thinks the entire thing is worthless or a failure, because man, I have seen what a bad anime adaptation looks like, and Fruits Basket 2019 definitely isn’t one. Natsuki Takaya herself was clearly very invested and satisfied in that adaptation — I mean, just the fact she drew arts for every single episodes or for the season 3 ending really shows that I think. And while there’s a part of me who will always have a soft spot for the 2001 anime, there’s no contest that the 2019 one is the superior one and more representative of the original manga as a whole.

I believe some people really don’t realize how... uncommon it is to get such a consistently good-looking and complete anime adaptation for a shojo manga? Shojo really aren’t lucky in that prospect usually; they rarely get animated, and when they do they’re usually very bland or outright bad, or they get one short season of like 13 episodes that never receive any follow-ups — even shojo considered like classics tend to get poor treatment, unless they’re Sailor Moon of course or a long-running magical girls franchise like Precure (and even then we could have a discussion about the way Sailor Moon’s treated compared to say Dragon Ball for example, but that’s another topic entirely). So yeah it is quite awesome we were able to get this kind of anime adaptation that covers the full manga with good quality from start to finish, and I am so, so glad it exists and that it managed to revive and makes the series so popular again. (Hopefully its success means we’ll be able to get more good anime adaptation of shojo manga from now on!)

But yeah, that doesn’t mean there wasn’t problems with it and I also understand why some of the manga fans had issues. We were kind of hyped with the fact this would be a complete adaptation and in the end we only got a... sort-of-complete one lol. The art and animation stayed fine during the run (there certainly were some episodes that were uhhh, lacking in that sense, but that’s just how it is sometimes with productions and budget), but I admit I was a bit letdown regarding the direction, where it often seemed… a bit uncreative or heavy-handed. There was some very beautiful and smart shots here and there, but on the whole I really had an issue with the adaptation failing to actually take more ambitious decisions on its visual aspect, especially compared to the pretty pannelling of the manga — and when it did take these decisions it just was… kind of obnoxious and in-your-face, like the show is trying to hold the watcher’s hand (with unnecessary things like Kyo’s father record player derailing or the whole big ropes symbolizing the curse that often slapped you all over the screen, which usually just made me want to roll my eyes because of how annoying it felt.) Multiple people also pointed out the overdramatization of some scenes like the Kyo and Tohru’s confrontation at the end of season 1 or Akito and Ren’s fight which was, indeed, not very good and a weird choice. Fruits Basket is already a pretty dramatic show and these scenes are already intense, there was no need for such over-the-top theatrical display of emotions that only made them comes off as comedic. I’m probably nitpicking here but it also bothered me some characters’ expressions didn’t feel properly retranscribed (Shigure especially, whose characterization depends a lot on that, really suffered from this), or that odd habit of making some big panorama plans instead of focusing on the faces and bodies, which particularly sucks during emotional scenes (like the backgrounds were pretty I guess, but that’s not what was important here lmao).

Also that might be just a personal thing, but can I point out that the openings were pretty disappointing to me... They're not bad, but they all looked so... bland. The songs are fine but the rest feel so uninspired and it's kind of sad... I dunno, I wasn't asking for much but I just think they could've done more than just scrolling each character looking vaguely melancholic or making them walk randomly one after another :/ The endings have at least pretty illustrations and I'm okay with them (I liked what they did with Kyoko’s photo in season 3 too), but the OPs kind of feel as if they ran out of budget and ideas for them or something. I kind of feel the same with the OST as well, where they’re generally fine but were a bit lackluster, and sometimes… they were kind of played at bad times? I remember the Rin episode in season 2 were the music felt a bit out of place and took me out of the immersion, which is a shame cause it was otherwise a pretty good episode. But that might just be a me-thing here lol. The voice actors were awesome though! (The Japanese ones, at least, I didn’t watch any other dubs). I’ve said it before but special kudos to Maaya Sakamoto cause damn she’s so perfect as Akito, and Shimazaki as Yuki and Toyosaki as Rin truly delivered too. I didn’t know Manaka Iwami at all but I was really impressed by her Tohru, especially in season 3 — she really was good at capturing her character’s subtle emotional turmoils (I think she makes a better Tohru than Yui Horie too, although I admit I missed Horie a little lol.)

Anyway, on the topic of lack of ambition, that might be an unpopular opinion but there’s also the fact that I’m sad they didn’t actually... try to change or add more original scenes. By which I mean, obviously we had some changes, but not ones that were really interesting (when they’re not actively detrimental to the story). For example, I was really hoping that we’d be able to get at least one original episode focused on Ritsu (and Mitsuru too why not) in season 2 or 3, or on Kagura or Kisa; I dunno, it would’ve been a good occasion to give something more to the characters that got sidelined in the original manga, or add some moments that would’ve been nice to develop like about Akito post-cliff confrontation, but we never got that. And well, that makes sense now that we know they seemingly had an episode restriction (at least on season 3), but, yeah, that’s still a shame. Honestly in the end Ritsu’s character made even less sense in the anime, because like, it was nice they tried to adapt his introduction episode so that it feels less “you have to adapt to gender norms to feel better about yourself,” (the gender non-confirmity is definitely one of the bits that aged the less well in FB) but then they still made him cut off his hair and give his feminine clothes to Kagura at the end so why lol. (And speaking of his episode introduction, I dislike that they cut off his conversation with Tohru after the suicide attempt, not only for Ritsu but also for Tohru cause it is one of the small instances bringing up her issues that is set up early on and that is crucial to her, but I’ll come back to this later.)

And now about the biggest problem to me being, the cut content and episodes rearangement. So, just so we’re clear, I definitely don’t think an anime adaptation needs to be a page-by-page adaptation of the manga to be good. Every decent adaptation needs to have changes, and the ones that tries to just follow the source material without any heart often tend to get pretty bad. So changes are good! Cut content are needed sometimes. But in Furuba 19, it really... wasn’t the case.

And the most unfortunate thing being that the one suffering the most from this is the show’s main character herself, Tohru.

So, obviously other characters also got done dirty by this; Yuki and Machi’s relationship was so incredibly shifted in the background and rushed it’s almost funny. I’m one of the people who thinks that, while I do think they’re cute, I definitely agree on the fact their relationship was a bit underdeveloped in the manga — and that Machi’s character especially suffered as a result by being a bit reduced to just "Yuki’s love interest" when she was a character with so much more to offer (and as a whole I also tend to agree with the fact that Yuki probably didn’t need a romance at all and that his arc is more meaningful while focusing on his platonic relationships, but that’s another topic entirely) — but man, if the manga already underdevelopped them, then ohhh boy, the anime just completely dropped the ball. It feels very odd because to me it seemed like season 2 was taking their time with setting them up, so if they knew they had only 13 episodes for season 3 then they should’ve started the changes there; instead we got 1 nice Yuki/Machi/Kakeru episode, and then it’s like "Yep, they’re in love, just trust me." (It does makes me wonder if season 3 wasn’t originally supposed to be longer but then got restrained because of budget or covid or something…) Kakeru also very much suffered because of them cutting off his girlfriend and his complicated relationship with Tohru… Now, to be honest, I’ve always found the Kakeru/Komaki/Tohru subplot pretty... contrived and useless, and Komaki’s not so much a character more than a device for Kakeru’s development, but it does have some good moments relevant to the story’s themes (I like the ‘‘you can’t play suffering olympics with people’s pain’’morale) and it is important to his character (and Komaki is cute, I admit), so it was still sad they shafted it entirely. (Also I kind of like the tense relationship between Tohru and Kakeru. The fact they both seem to not appreciate each other even afterwards feel sort of refreshing even if it’s never explored unfortunately orz.) I was still surprised they didn’t actually try to make a Komaki cameo at the end? Cause I think it would’ve fitted and Kakeru’s girlfriend had already been mentioned in season 2 but... for some reason they... didn’t. (Mayyybe we’ll get an OAV like with Kyoko and Katsuya? Who knows.)

One scene that was skipped/rearranged that I’m very bitter over is the whole Tohru/Kagura confrontation and Kagura/Rin scene — it might not seem like much, but the moment of Tohru refusing to forgive Kagura is very important, and I was pretty annoyed they turned Rin’s trauma response to Kagura’s violence and her subsequent apology/hug to a gag, it legit felt tasteless. The Tohrin scene they removed at the very end too was frustating; it was great they managed to fit in the "Rin doesn’t want to forgive Akito" bit at least (I was afraid they’d cut it off entirely), but it was so essential for her to say to Tohru, not to Haru and Momiji (plus the way they put it in felt very random and awkwardly placed there, when they were initially talking about Tohru before orz). OH AND the Akito/Hana friendship too! Yeah I know it’s not a Big deal but I absolutely love the little glimpses of their friendship and it’s very important to me so I’m disappointed over them not including the ‘Ah-chan’ scene… (It was kind of weird that the show sort-of implied Hana and Kazuma got together too cause that’s… not the vibe at all from the manga… oh well.)

Most people I’ve seen generally only bring up season 3 regarding the cuts/rearangement because it’s the most obvious and the biggest offender, but I personally think there were already problems with season 2 and 1. At first glance I didn’t have much issue with some of the rearrangement, because early Furuba can indeed be pretty episodic, but thinking back on it as a whole I think it might’ve been better to leave some stuff, like Hana and Uo’s episodes for example, to season 2 (I do wonder if they did this specifically so the reboot would offer original content and differ from 2001 early on...) and cut off other not-so-important things from S1 & S2 — because as a result season 2 kind of suffer a bit by being The Yuki Season, which, for as much as I love Yuki, did end up being a bit annoying and made his development feel less natural and gradual, as well as the fact it sidelined the other characters a little and left them with not much conclusion in its final. So this added to how much they ended up cutting in season 3, it makes the show as a whole feels really unequal. I think they did overall a good job in season 3 with what they had, and they really nailed some of the dramatic and Kyoru moments (the sheets scene, cliff confrontation and post-hospital confession were practically perfect), but it is a shame that it ended up as an extremely marathoned emotional roller-caster rather than a more well-paced watch that we would’ve had if it had been 20 or so episodes. (I know others argued that season 3 was what it was because there wasn’t enough content left to cover for 22 or 24 episodes, but I disagree and even if there weren’t, it would’ve been the perfect occasion to add original episodes then. But I think it was more of a budget and Covid issue personally.)

But anyway, all of this isn’t actually what I’m the most annoyed with (and YES that’s a already a lot lmao), those are stuff I can live with, but like I said earlier the most problematic is what they cut off from Tohru’s character. And that indeed includes her parents’ backstory.

So, just so I get this out of the way; yes, I do understand why people were relieved to not see Kyoko and Katsuya’s relationship play out on screen, and yes the age gap and teacher-student thing is creepy and I do kind of wish it hadn’t been written that way. (Though I was a bit amused by people who thought we didn’t get the backstory because of the questionable age gap when, uh... you know I very much doubt the anime industry has an issue with that. Like, to start with, we wouldn’t have had Uo and Kureno’s romance if that was the case (even if Uo and Kureno is less problematic, it’s still the same basis of a underage high school girl/20+ adult man relationship), and second there was a literal romcom anime about a high school girl and an adult man that was broadcasted at the same time as Furuba season 3 lmao. So nah, it wasn’t there the problem to them, it was just time and episode restriction, which was pretty much confirmed with the announcement of the OAV focused on them.)

So, Kyoko and Katsuya is definitely Problematic and I agree on their relationship being uncomfortable; however, I’m a bit baffled that people were literally cheering on not having that part in the show, because it is... it is not just like a small bit of family trivia, it is Extremely important and actively essential to Tohru’s character and Fruits Basket’s themes and narrative as a whole. It’s very important to understand Kyoko’s character, of course; to humanize her and finally present her as a very flawed person and not just the idealized mother that Tohru project upon her, and it is extremely important simply to understand Tohru herself as well; to understand where her way of thinking, her trauma and attitude stems from, and this in a way that just isn’t possible to see with the little fragments of that flashback we got or the bits of Kyo and Kyoko’s interactions.

See, Tohru’s character is principally constructed around two things; her grief over her mother and her almost-pathological selflesness and people-pleaser needs that comes from her abandonment issues and loneliness, and her arc is very much about letting go of both of these things and finally moving forward and letting her life change. There’s this perception of Tohru I see sometimes that she’s not a very interesting character especially compared to others like Yuki or Kyo, or that she ‘‘stays the same kindhearted, naive girl from start to finish,’’ and while I deeply disagree with this I know where it comes from. The thing with Tohru is that she is firstly an extremely emotionally repressed character, and so a lot of her depth and development is made through small, gradual details scattered throughout the manga. It’s done in such a way that except for some obvious scenes those small, apparently insignificant moments are easy to miss or disregarded, and unfortunately it is a lot of these details that the 2019 anime cut, or rearanged in a way that feel less impactful or makes less sense; such as, like I pointed out earlier, her conversation with Ritsu after his suicide attempt. As I’ve seen others point out, this result in altering Tohru’s portrayal and rendering her character mostly about her romance, undercutting and downplaying all of her small, subtle character moments and developments, and miss a bit the second part of the story where the narrative actively challenge the ‘savior/therapist/mom’ that other characters and Tohru herself projected upon her.

And as a result it also means undermining things like her parallel and relationship to Akito, which idealistically should’ve been slowly built up throughout the last season but because of how rushed season 3 was in the end felt a little flat. (Akito’s character in general had some issues also because of the unequal pacing and rearranged scenes, though admittedly I think this was also an issue present in the original manga.) Kyo’s character and his romance with Tohru is the one element that managed to get out of this mostly unscathed (although Kyo also does suffer a bit from it), but because of what was removed from Tohru’s character it still inevitably impacted them by making their characters as individuals lacking. It’s not like it is a complete failure, mind you; I think the anime at least did a decent job at showing Tohru is Not Okay even at the beginning in season 1 (they certainly did a better job at it than the 2001 one lol) and managed to roughly portray her issues well enough overall, but it is just… lacking in the subtlety and nuances that, to me, makes her character and writing really special and unique.

(This post explains what I’ve tried to say here in a much more eloquent and better way that I ever could, and this all put into perspective what I basically love so much about Tohru and Fruits Basket in general.)

And, you know, it would’ve been sad but comprehensible with any other character, but here we’re talking about the story’s literal protagonist, which is why it is the part of the adaptation that makes me feel the most bitter. Tohru and her story is truly amazing and well-written, the thing I was looking forward to the most with this reboot — and while I do understand the episode restriction and I do believe they still did their best with what they had — her arc still deserved to receive a full proper adaptation, not a kind-of-half one.

So, yes, I am at least glad they’ll adapt Kyoko and Katsuya’s story in OAV, but the fact that it will never be included in the actual main narrative is still actively detrimental to it, and it will never have the same effect that if it had been played out before the Kyoru sheets scene where it should’ve been. (I hope they also won’t cut the fact that their story is narrated by Kyo, because that is also a very important detail for both Kyo and the story, but I have the feeling they will…)

Welp, that was quite a long, messy rambling. Not sure if anyone will actually read all of it but if you did then congrats lol. I feel in the end I’ve been really harsh and negative with the reboot… I do love it a lot! If someone asked me I would wholeheartedly recommend it (though I guess I would still argue to read the manga first if you really want to experience the story in all its nuances). I think they truly did an impressive job — even with season 3, which a lot of its episodes were beautifully done and did make me tear up a few times lol. I’m just sad it couldn’t actually offer a better, more nuanced delivery of the story’s depths and of one of my favorite manga protagonists that means a lot to me. But that’s an adaptation that so many fans wanted for years and I’m happy and grateful it’s here cause Fruits Basket deserved at least that much!

[deltaengineering]

What remains of Fall Anime 2020

You might have noticed that I haven’t been keeping up with my season impressions, mostly (but not exclusively) because it’s really boring to come up with new ways to say “it’s isekai, which means it’s garbage for stupids”. So here’s what I ended up finishing, in ascending order of goodinosity.

Hypnosis Mic -Division Rap Battle- Rhyme Anima

Ostentatious rap battles in an insanely stupid universe are very fun. The thing is that this doesn’t want to be a good anime, it wants to sell us on these characters, and the characters are pretty terrible on account of all of them being one-word gimmicks. So, let’s give them three rounds of introductions and have them solve lame, generic crimes for 8 episodes instead of setting up the rivalries that everyone suddenly has later, when the show gets good - because it does start delivering towards the end, and becomes really all I wanted. So I can’t even say I’m disappointed, but the first half of the show is almost entirely worthless. 4/10

Assault Lily Bouquet

I don’t want to be the guy that’s all “I’m mad at this show not catering to what I want”, but I do have to say that Salt Bucket is much better at being a goofy, lighthearted yuri comedy than it is at action (though there are a few choice cuts) and at having an engaging storyline. This is again just an ad for some game or other, so it’s no surprise it has about two dozen characters too many, but it also has quite a lot of superfluous plot - so much so that I suspect it was initially planned to be twice as long. Apart from that, it’s cool and all that some Gainax old hand got to make his own Gunbuster-like, but it’s just not very good at that and all I wanted was Kaede antics and bath scenes, of which 1 per episode is clearly too few. 5/10

The King's Avatar 2

King’s Avatar got a sequel and overall I have to say, I kinda like it more than the first season even though it looks much less ambitious and even the character designs were changed towards the bland. But I honestly don’t care much about the esports aspect of this and much of S2, especially in the back half, is more about schemes and social engineering - as close to an Eve Online anime as we’re ever going to get, I guess. It’s still very chinajank (why the hell does every episode come with a redundant chibi summary of itself, etc), and while I can’t call that “good” it does remind me of a time when I wasn’t filled with useless knowledge of anime tropes and was just enjoying the weirdness. Also, Ye God’s antics is as close to “looking for anime with OP MC” as I’m comfortable with getting. 6/10

Heaven Official's Blessing

Now how about some Chinimation that isn’t very janky? I only became aware of Heaven Official’s Blessing when it suddenly rocketed to the top of the MAL charts, so I gave it a looksie and oh boy. The first few episodes of this show are flat out gorgeous, quite funny and very very gay. So I was ready to agree with MAL for once, except it then launches into an arc that mostly consists of our dudes sitting in a dark pit telling each other stories that aren’t very interesting and seem barely related to the setup. Yeah, the back half of this just isn’t very good at all. And the subs are hot garbage. Still, the beginning is so impressive that I would recommend this show despite the middling rating it’s about to get. 6/10

Ochikobore Fruit Tart

You know the problem that these 5girls4koma stories have, where one of the characters is an annoying pervert, yeah? Well, in Fruit Tart every character is that character, and they’re rather cultured as well. Yes, it’s often of questionable taste and it has a terminal case of 4koma storytelling but dammit if I didn’t enjoy it. It certainly helps that this show’s greatest asset by far is Broko and it seems to be aware of this, because there’s a lot of Broko material. It would have probably have gotten a 6 but the last episode is just so... maximum Fruit Tart. I’m down for some trash if it’s as well made as this, and I do like my kiraralikes spicy, so thumbs up over here. YMM definitely V on this one. 7/10

Majo no Tabitabi

Speaking of things that are hard to recommend despite me liking them a lot, Elaina here challenges the very notion of what a TV show even is supposed to be. I assume most people tune in every week expecting to get something roughly similar. Not so with this one, you could get everything from slice of life antics to Higurashi-style gore, or reasonably deep character study to pervert comedy. I would say that the only unifying thread is the presence of Elaina, who is a very fun character, but there’s an episode she’s not in, so there you go. But I’m a connoisseur of the weird and I also have to say that I enjoyed every episode in its own way. Also, each episode stays remarkably consistent by itself, and in the end it wraps it all up with a sort of neat “life is like a box of chocolates” thematic bow, which isn’t earthshatteringly profound but hey, it’s there. Just don’t go in with expectations, especially not expectations based on the first episode. 7/10

Love Live! Nijigasaki

It’s Love Live. Good old reliable Love Live. Really not much to say about this one, any discussion of what makes this different from previous iterations is going to end up in minutiae only people who already watched this could possibly care about. I do have to say that while the musical numbers are as good as Sunshine’s were towards the end and there’s also a lot more of them, “looking budget deficient outside the CG” is the one thing I didn’t expect from something that’s ostensibly a Sunrise premium product. So boo on that one, apart from that it’s idols (an anagram of solid). 7/10

Garupa Pico Oomori

The chibi SD shorts based off Bang Dream are still better than the main show. Even if S3 was actually quite good, this is just the best thing you can do with 30+ characters that aren’t that deep. Garupa Pico specializes in absurd humor setpieces that at points is better at being Pop Team Epic than Pop Team Epic itself was. Take that, memelords. 7/10

Fire Force S2

Fire Force is just weird, man, and it’s sort of great. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a property of this magnitude show this much of the ol idgaf spirit. How about an episode where the A plot is the most evenhanded exploration of religion i’ve seen in anime, and the B plot is about blowing up a tryhard edgelord by exposing him to panties? How about a subplot where Batman and Thor infiltrate the vatican to kill the pope, only for that to lead into a gay rape backstory, only for that to be resolved by dank weed and dismemberment? It really is quite a thing, as they say. Now, Fire Force certainly delivers hard at points, but it’s also very scattershot, even if S2 is somewhat more consistent than S1. The weakest parts are unsurprisingly still the ones where it’s remembering its fighting shounen template, and that’s not only because I don’t like that, it’s also because it’s particularly and consistently bad at scheduling these huge, simultaneous multifight setpieces it often crescendoes with. But hey, at least these tend to look super cool. In short, Fire Force is a land of contrasts and still the only fighting shounen I give a damn about. 7/10

IDOLiSH7 Second Beat

Did you know that I think Idolshi7 is the best one of all of these huge-ass commercial idol franchises? Yeah, I think it’s better than Love Live, and as of Fall 2020 also the better looking one because Troyca still delivers where Sunrise apparently can’t. I guess still don’t like the music much, thankfully there isn’t a lot of that. It also still specializes in gigantic drama, and to its credit S2 is now much better at either getting to the point or at least making it silly and fun. You show that door who’s boss, Sou. Still fantastic Tsumugis all over the place as well, in fact I think I like all the characters now. Even Banri gets his big moment in this season! Yeah, this stuff is pretty cool. 8/10

Adachi and Shimamura

So here’s the AOTS, and it’s the lovechild of Bloom Into You and Tsuki ga Kirei. While it definitely isn’t as good as either of these two, because it lacks the “about more than just teenagers being hyperbolic about a crush” part from Bloom and the part where it has an actual ending from TgK, it carves out its own niche with its loopy, almost stoned tone that’s full of side weirdos and yuri hyperspace. It’s also uniquely focused, with a tiny core cast and even Shimamura doesn’t really matter all that much. This is all about Adachi, and thankfully Adachi is amazing. Amazingly awkward, that is. It’s very cute. So yeah, this is a bit too lacking in substance to aspire to classic status, but it’s a great time nonetheless. 8/10

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Hi! I know I have other unfinished fic, but I’ve actually been writing a bit, and you can blame @the-well-rested-one! I have five chapters queued up and outline for several more, that’s a good sign! Please comment if you read, or reblog! Thank you to @nikibi6 and @emulateharry for the looksie!

The One Where Harry Styles Sneezed On Me

Day One

There's only three people out on the pavement ahead of her, and a part of Elise is tempted to tip toe because she watches too many movies.

The streets of London are quieter than Elise has seen them since she moved here. She'd basically never left her university classes and not been shoulder to shoulder with wall to wall people. Her classes were over at rush hour and there were a lot of people in London at any time of day. Had you asked her before the move, she would have said she liked big crowds. But now, the tube sometimes gave her anxiety, a brand new thing, because it was so packed.

Today, well London was like a ghost town, like the film where she'd fallen in love with the city and decided she would study abroad there. It was an odd one, but that sounded like her.

28 Days Later was a weird inspiration, but maybe because London was empty in the movie, she was able to see things about it better. It was also why she felt like she should be extra quiet on the nearly deserted streets, this was the closest approximation to her favorite movie scenes she'd probably ever see in one of the biggest cities in the world. Elise had never been to a big city, not really, the largest was maybe Phoenix. But it didn't really feel that much bigger than Tucson, where she grew up, or maybe it had just grown before her eyes so she hadn't noticed.

London was a proper big city as her roommate told her, and Elise hadn't made it for a semester abroad. She'd wound up here for her post graduate work, she couldn't afford it during undergrad. The living expenses, turns out, were too expensive, but she'd found a way later, because there was a will, a dream.

Her will for today had been to find her way after class to the next public green space on her list. She'd done Kensington Gardens, Hyde Park, and Regent's Park. She went after class when she could, if there was sunlight to catch. Today was so pretty, she had decided to go even if it meant catching the tube by herself at night. And then she had stepped out into a London eerily like the one from the movie that had first infatuated her. There were people on the street though, and they didn't look like the walking dead, just the walking afraid. Those who had braved the streets wore masks. One lady had gardening gloves on. Elise wasn't sure if she was underreacting or everybody else was over the top. She hadn't really thought about it, mostly because she was under 80, and well, honestly, maybe she did feel a little bit of the invincibility youth brings.

Apparently lots of Londoners didn't feel the same way. Including those who ran her Uni. She arrived with her notebooks and excited for her day plans, resolute, to find a sign on an easel in the entryway.

"Classes Cancelled today. Online classes will resume tomorrow. All formats will be conducted via Portal for three weeks, or until further notice."

Well, shit. Had they thought to send an email? It may have saved her the trip.

Elise looked at the 100,000 emails in her gmail and discovered they had indeed emailed her. This was why she avoided online courses, she was much better, learned better, in person. Also, she was abysmal at keeping up with things via email. The next few weeks would be a trial.

She'd have to figure it out, and she knew herself; A schedule was necessary, she'd write one down, on paper, to order her life while she had to finish these courses online. But that seemed to be her only coursework for this day.

That was a bright side. She took it as a silver lining, she could head to the old London Heath right away. She considered walking, plotted out her path and realized that it was a long, long way, so long it would steal all of her energy to explore.

The tube was really ghostly, like the ghost town they visited once, Calico or something?

Regardless, she was surprised she wasn't more excited. It was just like 28 Days Later. Well not really, no bloodthirsty, spattered lurchers, but it felt eerie. Like it had the first time she watched it, before she got totally immune to the plot and could only see the sights. She was thankful when a few people got on her carriage, though they sat as far from each other as the spacing allowed. She quickly looked up more information on her phone and estimated how far away the people should be, they were all separated by much more than that.

By the time she got to her destination, she'd normally be just getting out of her first class, and Elise's stomach reminded her that this was meal time. She really was married to a schedule, or at least her biology was. She thought a picnic would be lovely, so she looked up a market and found a Whole Foods nearby. She would splash out for her lunch it looked like, could be worse, could be Waitrose, and must be cheaper than a cafe, surely.

London was pricey. Which she'd known intellectually and was now experiencing literally everyday. As such, Elsie was kinda thinking she needed a job. Was she allowed to work? Maybe on campus. She'd have to ask the question to somebody who knew; she was running through her reserves.

Elise kinda sighed at herself as she walked into Whole Foods. Maybe this was not the best idea. But it was bright and cheery inside and smelled like green juice and roasted vegetables. Her stomach growled and she decided the worst that could happen was she would wind up eating cup o' noodles and have to pack a lunch a lot towards the end of semester before her next stipend.

Elsie shrugged and sang along a little to the song playing overhead. She felt like she rarely heard One Direction here, she heard it played out more in public in the US, and wondered if that was due to public exhaustion. She understood that it had been next level crazy here. Maybe it was just time? They'd been her favorite when she was in early high school. She had decided she was gonna marry Liam in eighth grade. That opinion changed as they all aged. She got too cool for them, and well, some of them grew up nicely. "Just how fast the night changes." She tried to harmonize along. The song also meant she wasn't hurrying she was, however, wandering.

Fruit, she should grab some fruits, that was always a good place to start.

How she wound up by the hot bar she didn't know, but she grabbed a bit of roast chicken and realized the layout was backwards to the one she was used to in Tucson. The metal spoon clanked as she got some potatoes that looked deliciously crunchy and had little burned ridges like she loved. She should have some vegetables. Carrots didn't count, real green things were needed. Asparagus counted. She was looking at the cut fruit, but then thought about her budget concerns and headed over to the produce section.

It was a little emptier than what she assumed was normal, a few ladies and a tall, lanky man in a hoodie and hat were the only people about. He was broad from the back, but had a furtive set to his shoulder that made him smaller. He was also standing exactly where she wanted to be. In front of the bananas, her favorite of the economical fruits. The best bunches clustered where he didn't seem to be doing anything but loitering.

Elise's belly growled, the aroma of her roasted chicken wafted up. She'd give it another minute and if he hadn't moved, she'd try to politely shoulder her way around him, 6 feet or not.

She gave it two minutes. By the end her converse was audible tapping. He still hadn't moved at all. So help her, if he was on his phone! It was time for action. She came up to about his shoulder, and he did not seem to notice there was 5 feet of impatience at his elbow, at least he certainly didn't move. When Elise realized he was on his phone, her patience snapped. That had to break some kind of grocery store etiquette. Was there grocery store etiquette? Certainly, it would extend to standing so people couldn't access foods when you were fucking around on your phone.

She reached past him, "sorry, excuse my reach." she hoped he could hear just how not sorry she was. Elise was good at passive-aggression.

She heard his breathing change and was ready to tell him he had just been blocking the bananas for three minutes, and she knew she wasnt being socially distant, but he was being rude, when he turned towards her. He was being rude, especially by English standards and she would tell him so, even if she wasn't sure if he was exactly impolite, accusing an Englishman of that was very effective.

She realized two things when he looked at her.

One- he was not some stranger- he was HARRY. FUCKING.STYLES!

And two- as his spit splattered all over her face, he wasn't about to call her rude, his gasp had been the beginning of a sneeze.

😷😷😷😷😷

The last hour had been an absolute blur. She had just sat down to eat. And though her 16 year old self would consider this an upgrade, her 23 year old self was really sad the heath was not the site of her lunch, even if it had been switched out for her teenage dream.

Because Harry Styles had started his litany of apologies with a "fuck!" Then a spilling ramble. "I'm so sorry, dammit, I knew I should have just sent somebody. Dammit, Jesus fuck, now you will have to be quarantined too." His hands were fumbling with the wet wipes and she could smell the disinfectant on them. She stopped him short before he was wiping that shit on her face and was redirecting his hand while he was still talking about how they could just both be holed up in his house. It distracted from the fact he was rubbing spittle off her shirt very close to her nipple.

"I mean, it's not huge. Damn, I kinda wish the new house was done. Then we wouldn't even have to see each other. Not that, I um, wouldn't want to see you, or like whatever, but um. We don't know each other and we'll be, like, living together for several weeks. I guess you could quarantine at your place. But I just feel better, cause it's my fault. Seems rude to possibly infect somebody due to negligence, and not like, help them through it. I just had to have my celery juice." That part was said under his breath, and he wasn't holding any juice.

She remembered the closed juice bar. The sign had read: Our fresh bars-juice, smoothie, and coffee are close due to Covid- 19 contagion worries. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Then it clicked, while she wiped his sputum from her face. That is what he was talking about. What the?

"Are you just wandering around whole foods infecting people? You have the virus?"

She realized she'd been talking really loud and attracting attention. Harry certainly realized.

He looked agitated and around to see if they had an audience, and she realized his face was a bit of a liability. That would be some headline for sure. "Harry Styles spreading coronavirus!" or some shit like that. He used to get press for existing, the memory made her soft for him.

"Let's get you checked out. And we can go back to my place and talk?" He made eye contact and she got confused for a second longer.

"What?" Elise found herself saying. She would normally never ever go home with some dude in a store. But, this dude was Harry Styles, and that made her feel simultaneously safer and also like this was a chance she had to take. She also wanted to yell at him a little.

He sighed, like she was a hard to open packet of chips. "Can you check out and meet me outside?" He looked around again and bit his lip because the women nearby were watching them. He handed her his basket and helped her transfer her things to it, "Can you grab my things too?" He didn't sound like she remembered him. But she supposed she'd not done more than listen to his albums once through after she'd grown out of her One Direction phase.

He sounded better. He was still growing up well.

"Huh?" She was not following him. He gave her that exasperated face and thinned his lips before he quickly got a hundred pound note out. "Check out and I'll meet you in my car. I'm near the front, all right?"

She barely remembered checking out. The girl had to prompt her twice, and she'd shoved the sanitizer at her when they'd both had to touch the change. She even considered keeping. Can you grab my things too, the audacity! But she handed it to him promptly and he put it away and sanitized his hands and gave her a squirt too. Chivalry in the time of Corona.

The drive had been quiet. Though she was sure there were things to do, to say, certainly. So the radio played and Harry sang along. It was a surreal moment, right out of her teenage dreams. Listening to Harry Styles sing in his expensive car. The missing piece that made it reality instead of fantasy was that she was not singing along, instead she was confused and hungry.

"Here, I'll warm up your lunch." Was the first thing he said to her as he ushered her into the square house she recognized from something on the internet years ago. It was a little cold inside and Elise fitted her sweater around her shoulders and sat at the wood grain kitchen table. Her food came to her steaming. Then a warm mug she immediately wrapped her hands around.

"You cold?" He asked while moving to a fancy looking blue screened rectangle on the wall. "I'm always cold, so I just wait until someone seems too cold to change anything."

She nodded.

"Right, so you know me?" He asked like it was taking out the garbage.

"Um," Elise took a drink. "Yeah, I was a huge One Direction fan in high school."

He smiled at that. "Ok, is that why you've gone silent? Freaking out?"

"Yeah, and also, I'm not really following. Honestly."

"Why don't you tell me a little about about what you think is going on. Then I'll fill in my side."

She took a breath. "Can I eat my lunch first?" She needed a minute, and she was beyond hungry, and annoyed. Definitely annoyed. And maybe just a touch of freaking out. Harry was her favorite for a lot longer than Liam, if she was honest.

"Oh! Yes, of course." He shook his head, "how rude of me."

That was why he felt rude? Not the bananas or irresponsible shopping trip. Elise widened her eyes at her carton before she dug in and didn't look up until the blender went.

A green smoothie, vibrant and lush, was placed at her elbow. It matched his eyes. "Here, to your health."

"Thank you." She took a sip and smiled. Her blood sugar was rising and she was already feeling considerably better, though her odd situation and figuring it out came to the forefront. "So, um, to my health hmmm?" She cheered the air.

Harry exhaled and nodded.

"To yours as well?"

"I suppose you could say that." He pulled his lip between his forefingers and she remembered that from interviews.

"You're not supposed to touch your face." She ah, ah, ahhed with a grin.

He laughed and it broke some of their tension. "I'm not. Neither are you."

Elise realized she had her chin in her hand. She slapped it lightly on the table and sat up. "Fair enough, so what am I doing here, Mr. Styles?"

He groaned lowly and she wondered what that was about. She didn't let it sidetrack her though, she'd wait out his response.

He took a big gulp of health and Elise watched the chunky residue slide down the glass.

"You've heard of Coronavirus, yes?"

She couldn't help but roll her eyes.

He chuckled, she hoped at himself, what the fuck kind of question was that?

"Right, pretty unavoidable, yeah?" He didn't need her to agree, he kept talking. "I travel a lot."

"Duh!" she interrupted.

At that he really did laugh. "So, I travel a lot, duh, and I flew on a flight where somebody tested positive. There aren't many tests yet, they're rationing them."

"Even for you?" She was surprised.

"Even for me," he sighed. "I'm just a person. Anyway, the person in question asked for a pic for his daughter—."

"Likely story."

"Perhaps, and so, we were in close proximity and we shook hands," she nodded along with the line of his narrative. "They won't test me unless I show symptoms. But quarantine was recommended."

He finished, he'd left out a part though.

"Is Whole Foods part of the quarantine radius?"

He blushed a little, and all of the reasons she'd had some of her earliest fantasies about him surfaced. "No, not as such. But I was low on bananas."

"Nobody you could pay a euro for your bunch of bananas?" She hoped for a laugh.

He squinted. "Course, but I don't like to be a bother."

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "So, in your effort to not inconvenience anyone for a couple hours, you've exposed me by sneezing in my face, rude, and kidnapping me to your house? So, now I have to quarantine too?"

"You aren't a kid. How could I nap you?" This was not a joke, but the humor of it was not escaping either of them.

"Not what that means, though I've no idea why." She shrugged.

"Young lady napped?" He tried.

"Oh god, you are sooo English. Young lady napped." She tried on his drawl.

"That was terrible!" He shook his head like he was offended.

"I thought it was pretty good?" She popped her shoulder and her own little dimple in her left cheek appeared, though it didn't pull the weight his did. He narrowed his eyes before raising up his eyebrows.

"It was alright, I suppose. We have time to perfect it."

"Why's that?" She found herself asking.

"Well, we're pretty much stuck together. How d'ya feel about two weeks at Le Hotel Styles?"

He couldn't be serious, could he?

[amydancepants-peralta]

Could you write a fic about the cold open of 7×04 and what actually wouldve happened if terry wasnt in his office 😂 (By the way i love your content!)

I definitely can!  (Did I spend the majority of today writing this, and very little else?  Yes I did.  Was it a valuable use of my time?  Absolutely.)

Rated NSFW - and also available on AO3 if you’d prefer. 👮🏽‍♀️

oh captain, my captain

With a satisfied hum Amy adjusts the last pile of paperwork on the desk, nudging it slightly to the left so that it sits perfectly perpendicular with both the right and bottom edges of the wood grained surface.  Double checking that all breakable items have been stored away for safekeeping, she stands in the centre of the captain’s office once done, folding her arms across the front of her chest as she allows herself a cursory nod of approval. 

There’s an anxious energy running through to the tip of her right foot, and the steady tick of clock on the wall reminds her of the metronome that used to accompany every music lesson she took in high school.  Briefly, she wonders if her and Jake’s son will play an instrument as well.   

Her nerves are racing, and she’s barrelling towards a severe case of paranoia; but logically she knows that her plan is sound, so Amy runs through several key points in her head, one last time:

1: Scully and Hitchcock’s recent hare-brained plan to build and cook a Mega Pizza at their desk (their mourning period from the pizza vending machine finally coming to an end) had resulted in a small fire and the complete short-wiring of all electrical equipment on the fourth floor, rendering the bullpen and all surrounding offices completely useless,

2: Budget cuts meant that the repair crew would not be in for two more days, and due to the lack of security and surveillance, the floor had been cut off from access entirely - except for Sergeant Santiago, whom they’d trusted would hold the keys to each stairwell in safekeeping, and

3: The growing baby in her uterus has set her hormones onto an all-time high, and if there was any chance for this fantasy to come to life, it was right. now. 

Adjusting the tucked in edges of her version of work attire, Amy fiddles with the toy captain’s badge that she had clipped to the front.  It wasn’t nearly as shiny as the real thing, and was far too light to feel legitimate, but there was still a sliver of joy that ran down her spine whenever she looked at it attached to her chest.  One day, hopefully not too far from now, the real thing would be there permanently.

Flicking her wrist upwards, she looks at watch without ever registering the time.  It was relatively late in the evening and she had texted Jake fifteen minutes ago, explaining that she was finishing up some duties in the precinct and needed some help moving some heavy boxes around in Terry’s office.  Like the sweet and dutiful husband she knew him to be, he had responded within seconds, an emoji filled text message telling her that he was on his way.  

He had been so supportive the past five months - supportive for their entire relationship, if she really thought about it - stocking up on the one brand of tea that didn’t make her feel sick, offering regular back and foot rubs, drawing baths with just the right amount of hot water and bubbles, and complimenting her body with such sincerity that even on her worst days, Amy had still felt a little bit desirable.  He honestly had been exactly the kind of charming husband that she knew he would be, and she couldn’t wait to see him turn into an equally wonderful father to their son.  

She glances at the clock on the wall and sighs, shifting the captain’s hat she’s been holding to her left hand before placing it carefully on her head.  He just needs to work on his punctuality.  

Finally, she can hear the telltale squeak of his favourite sneakers, growing louder as he moves further into the bullpen, and only moments later he calls out - “Ames?” 

“In here!” Amy yells in response, adjusting the stark white blouse one last time and putting on her best Power Pose as she waits.  His steps are faster now that he knows where to go, and as he opens the door and sees his wife standing before him in a makeshift captain’s uniform, Jake’s eyes turn as wide as saucers.  

“Babe?”

“Detective Peralta.  It’s about time you got here.  Close the door.”

With his eyebrows flickering upwards, Jake blinks a few times before responding, the blinds rattling slightly at the force of his movement.  “Yes, ma’am, I apologise for the delay.  I got caught up in - ”

“Spare me the details, detective.  We can discuss your issues with time management later.  There are more important matters at hand.”

His posture straightens and he nods, and a familiar twinkle begins to show in those beautiful brown eyes.  

Focus, Amy.

“It’s come to my attention recently that, despite previous scenarios that have held similar elements, there still appears to be a pressing need for the reality to occur.”  She can see Jake suppressing a grin, and holds her ground as he starts walking towards her.  “And while said earlier exercises have held a very high success rate, it would seem as though sometimes there is just no substitute for the real thing.”

Jake stops just in front of her, close enough that Amy can smell that intoxicating mix of cologne and their fabric softener and Jake.  His grin hasn’t faded - if anything, it’s grown - and he grips his hands behind his back like a dutiful officer of the law.  While his eyes trace up and down her body, taking in the uniform, his grin turns into a full-blown beam, and after he beat he leans forward to whisper -  “You want me to fuck you in the Captain’s Office?”

She nods, quick and stern, and corrects his inflection.  “I’m going to fuck you in the Captain’s Office.”

His breath is warm against her cheek as he lets out a grunted hell yeah, pressing his lips against hers a mere second later.  Warm hands are wrapped around her waist, and hers curl around his neck as the need to be as close as possible to him overthrows the need to play pretend, and when his tongue massages hers Amy cannot help but let out a contented sigh.  

His face has taken on That Look when they finally pull apart, that I’m so turned on look that Amy loves to see (but really, she loves all of his faces, and damn anyone who says that makes her a lovestruck fool), and her heart begins to race at the anticipation of what’s to come.

They’d only been dating a few weeks the first time they tried this; a pared down version of role play with Jake using his very best authoritative captain’s voice and turning Amy on so quickly that the resulting sex had led to multiple orgasms for both.  For their one year anniversary (a date that had been delayed slightly by a temporary Floridian residence), he had set up the reading room in her apartment to be an almost exact replica of Holt’s office, and proceeded to fuck her on every single available surface.  It was a treasured memory, and one that rated very high on her list of Favourite Sexy Timez, and even to this day she cannot read a book in there without getting turned on just a little bit by the thought of it.

Over the years they’d branched out into various role plays, with a special section of their closet dedicated specifically to the costumes they’ve acquired along the way, and while Jake has definitely seen Amy in this captain’s uniform before she’s fairly certain that this change of scenery into something far more real is going to turn him even more than usual.

Lord knows it has definitely worked out that way for her.

His hands have stayed on her waist, and with a grin he yanks her closer, pressing his hips into hers.  Yep.  It’s definitely working for him too.

He pulls her in for another kiss, and as much as she wants to let him, there are a few important details that the need to iron out first, and so Amy presses her hands against the grey shirt that lay underneath his open flannel.

“There needs to be a few quick rules before we go through with this, Peralta.”

“Whatever it is, I’m going to say yes.”

“Obviously.”  She raises her hand, pointing her index finger upwards.  “Rule one, what happens in here never leaves these four walls.”

Jake nods.  “No doubt.  Rule two, I get to replay this in my mind whenever I feel like it.”  His hands slide lower, gripping her butt gently.  “And babe, I’m gonna feel like it a lot.”

Smiling, Amy shakes her head.  “Rule number three.”  She leans in, grabbing the open panels of his shirt and pulling him closer.  “You’ve gotta make me scream, babe.”

He grins, that sexy smirk that once only belonged in the bedroom but over the years has progressed to closets, kitchens, living rooms and even once an elevator with the emergency break on.  “Yes, Captain.”

Oh, mama.  Her breath catches in her chest, and Amy can feel her eyes widen as she looks up at her husband, the facade temporarily stripped away as she speaks.  “Say it again.”

Jake leans in this time, moving his hands to rest two fingers against his forehead, pushing them away quickly in a faux salute, and ohhhh mama.  “At your command, Captain Santiago.”

Her lips are pressed against his before another thought can be made, the amount of desire running through her veins providing more than enough fuel for Amy to get the fire started.  Jake’s hands move just as quickly, wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer before tugging at the blouse that she had tucked so perfectly into place.  Moaning into Jake’s mouth, Amy shuffles them backwards, casting both of his shirts to the floor and feeling the edge of the desk scrape along her thighs as they make their way to the tall leather chair that has held such power in so many moments.  

Jake pushes her against the desk before they can get there, digging his fingers into her ass with such ferocity that Amy feels the blood rush in for repair at his release, and when his hands move up to undo her buttons she lets out another encouraging moan into his mouth.  It had been a passing joke when Jake had misinterpreted her request, months ago on the morning of the Jimmy Jabs, but Amy would be lying if she said there hadn’t been a frisson of excitement run down her spine at the suggestion of it, and now that it was finally happening, she couldn’t wait to get to the good stuff.

A rush of cool air hits her overheated skin as Jake flicks open the last button on her blouse, shoving the panels to the side and letting out an appreciative sigh at what he finds underneath.  She knew him to be a fan of the curves that her pregnancy has blessed her with - particularly when it came to her boobs - and Amy had done her due diligence in researching a front clasping bra specifically for this occasion.  It was nude in colour - work appropriate of course, even if this particular uniform is technically a costume - and had just enough padding and lace to make her chest look incredibly inviting.  

“Ames,” Jake whispers, eyes bright with attraction as he leans down to begin a trail of kisses against her bare skin, scraping his teeth along her collarbone.  Carding her fingers through his hair, Amy uses her right hand to reach in-between Jake’s chest and hers, undoing the clasp in a practiced move and Jake sighs in approval at the sudden change of pace.  His hands move lower; undoing her navy blue slacks as his tongue laps gently at each of her nipples, already aware of the sensitivity that she’s begun to experience there, but tonight all of her nerves are on high alert in other places, and so Amy digs her fingernails into Jake’s hair in silent encouragement to continue.  

He lets out another moan, the sensation of his voice vibrating against her skin as he leaves a gentle bite underneath one breast, lifting her hips up slightly to push her slacks towards the floor.  Amy kicks off her shoes quickly and Jake follows her lead, listening for the heavy thunk as both hers and his hit the ground.  She lets her hands linger along the bulge of her husband’s biceps as they wander lower, undoing the button and fly of Jake’s jeans as his lips move back up towards hers for a heated kiss.

His hands roam along the curve of her belly, touch turning incredibly soft as he traces the gentle swell where their son is currently growing.  He’s been so incredibly enamoured with watching Amy’s body grow, making it a daily ritual to kiss both her and her bump good morning and good night and making Amy’s heart flutter just a little bit each time.  Some nights he rests his head against her abdomen as they lay together on the couch, and on lazy mornings when getting out of bed seems like way too much of an effort he will shuffle down the mattress, leaning in to tell their baby boy the story of how he and Amy met, peppering the moments with truly terrible dad jokes that she just knows he’s been storing up for future reference.  

“You really are my dream girl,”  Jake mumbles against her cheek as he kisses a path towards her earlobe, nipping gently at the hypersensitive spot that only he knows about just below.  Amy’s responding giggle turns into a gasp as he does so, and she grips the waist of his jeans and pushes them down as far as her position will allow, waiting for Jake to pull back slightly so that he can take care of the rest of the material.

The chair moves back into her eye line as Jake shakes the last leg of his jeans off, and Amy rises from her perched position on the edge of the desk to meet her husband, planting her palms square against his chest as she shoves him backwards.  His butt lands square on the seat as he lets out a surprised yelp, and she grins.  “Now I’ve got you exactly where I wanted you, detective.”

He lets out a soft laugh, his arousal obvious in the unusual gruffness of his voice (and the sizeable bulge in his boxers), opening his arms out in silent invitation - and it’s one that Amy is very willing to respond to.  She moves towards Jake, resting one hand along the top of the chair as she plants one knee on the cushion beneath them, and then pauses.

“Wait … the arms on this don’t move.  Can you - ”

“Uh … what if I - ”

“Oof.  Okay let me just put my knee - ow, babe!”

“Sorry!  I think maybe if ..”

“This belly doesn’t make things … How about - Oh god no, my back!”

Out of nowhere, Jake bursts into laughter, the absolute ridiculousness of the situation causing his chest to bounce with joviality.  His hands are resting against Amy’s back, low enough to support her movements as she laughs along with him, tucking her head into his neck as the tears streak down her face.  In mere seconds, all of the tension dissipates, and that is a skill that only someone like her husband could possess.  

Amy rests her hands against Jake’s dancing shoulders, sliding her palms up to cup his jawline, taking in his infectious smile and oh how she loves this man.  Both of their pants are on the floor of their superior’s office, her shirts is wide open and Jake’s hair is all over the place from her fingers running through it, but she feels as comfortable right here as she would if they were at home on their couch.  

She loves Jake Peralta for a lot of reasons, and that was never going to change.  

Bending slightly lower Amy tips the captains cap back and drops her forehead to rest against Jake’s, leaving a soft kiss against the bridge of his nose as their laughter begins to trickle to a stop, and it’s only a second later that he moves his head to capture her lips with his own.  It’s a simple kiss, the sweetness of it all proving to be too much for Amy as they part, and she strokes Jake’s right cheek with her hand stating the most simples of truths: “I love you.”

His cheeks flush slightly as he looks up at her in utter adoration, right hand sliding along her outer thigh as he replies.  “I love you too, Ames.”  Shifting his body ever so slightly, Jake digs his fingers into her skin and continues.  “Here, rest your weight on this leg .. I have an idea how we can make this work.”

“I’m still not going to be able t-ohhhhh.”  The protest dies in the back of Amy’s mouth as Jake’s fingers push her underwear to the side, the angle of her half standing position giving him easy access to where she really wants him.   He circles her clit slowly, watching her lungs expand and contract as he slowly gains speed, and as Amy moves her hands to his shoulders, Jake dips his middle finger inside.  Her breath hitches, and he pulls out before returning, once with two fingers and then again with three.  

“So wet, babe.  You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?”  Jake’s lips are pushing against Amy’s before she can answer, and the feeling of his fingers pumping in and out of her takes all response away from her, letting her tongue push against his in response instead.  

She comes to when he finally pulls away, taking in a shuddering breath before throwing him a withering stare for a millisecond, stating “You were ten minutes late, Peralta.”  Pulling him back in for another kiss Amy sinks her teeth into his lower lip in admonishment, and Jake’s responding groan vibrates again her chest.  She smiles when they part, running her hand through his hair and tugging gently at the roots.  “I had to think about something to pass the time.”

“Mmm,” Jake moans, tucking his head into Amy’s neck as his fingers move faster, “Let me make that up to you, babe.”  He makes no hesitation in twisting his wrist, circling his thumb around in the small, rapid circles that he does so expertly.  It’s a well-practised move, one performed only two days ago when he crowded her up against the kitchen sink and pushed her over the edge while they waited for their coffee to finish brewing. 

His fingers stop pumping, pushing in deep and holding still while slightly crooked.  Jake grins up at her as his thumb doubles down in intensity, and Amy tightens her thighs against his wrist as she comes with a stuttered gasp, a mumbled version of her husband’s name falling from her lips as her shaking legs release him from her grip.  She giggles softly (at least, as much as her racing lungs will allow her) and grabs Jake’s hand as he pulls away, pulling it towards her lips and sucking gently on his fingers, sighing in satisfaction at the taste of her arousal.  “Consider yourself forgiven.”

His hand falls from her grasp, and Jake stretches himself up to kiss Amy, gripping his arms around her lower back tightly as he lifts off of the chair, stumbling back towards the desk and resting her butt against the surface once he feels the hard wood press against his thighs.

“I need to be inside you,” he mumbles between hot kisses as his fingers grip the top of her panties, and Amy lifts her hips again to help the fabric disappear faster.  He makes quick work of his own boxers once her underwear is on the floor - and honestly Amy has fantasised about giving Jake a blowjob in this office enough times that she genuinely had planned to do so - but all the hormones that her body was producing right now had turned her into a horny mess and she, too, needed him inside her now.

Spreading her legs as Jake moves in between them, Amy raises her hand up and pulls away the captains hat that she’d managed to keep on until now, resting it on the surface before planting her hands behind her body for support.  She smiles up at Jake as he groans with lust, pumping his wrist up and down his cock while his tongue darts out to moisten the edge of his mouth.  “You truly are the sexiest woman alive, you know that right?”

She nods, and Jake leans in for a kiss, tongue slipping into her mouth as he pushes his cock inside, fingers digging into her hips before resting beside hers on the desk.  This time it’s Amy’s turn to moan as Jake begins to pump slowly, getting both of them used to this unfamiliar position, and honestly every thrust already feels incredible.  

He watches her with the careful eyes of a well-trained detective, but also that of an attentive husband (both of them had discovered that once pregnant, Amy’s body gave different reactions to things that used to work so well), and she gives Jake an encouraging nod of her head as he begins to pick up speed.  She couldn’t tell if it was the angle that the desk presented, or the fact that there were doing it in the captain’s office, but everything felt fucking amazing and she could already feel her body beginning to respond.

“Oh god Jake, yes …”  Bending back on both hands Amy tents her knees, resting her heels precariously along the edge of the desk and letting her body bounce to the rhythm of Jake’s thrusts as all of nerve endings begin to come alive.  The various collegiate novels and industry awards that are lined up on the shelves behind Jake catch her eye, and the sheer illicitness of what they are doing feels better than she could have possibly anticipated.  They should have done this years ago.  Her husband’s right hand moves to cup one of breasts, pushing the heel of his palm along the bottom just the way she likes, and the pressure feels so good that she lets out a gentle moan.  His fingers move further, circling her sensitive nipple with his thumb and only weeks ago an action like that would have had her screaming in pain, but thank god her body has adjusted to these changes because NOW it feels like he’s lighting a match with every stroke, pushing her closer and closer to combustion.  “Yes!  Harder, babe!”

Jake’s breath is hot against her neck as he leaves a series of slopping kisses, dropping one to her mouth before pulling away, breathless.  “You feel so good Ames, so hot … I can’t believe we’re fucking in the captain’s office.  Fuck I love you.”

Amy moves her head back up slightly, eager to watch her husband as he moves closer to the point of no return, and the sight of his beautiful face as he thrusts harder and harder makes Amy call out his name, circling one leg around his lower body in silent encouragement for more.  Glancing behind her quickly, Amy grips the edge of the captain’s hat from the desk, using her thumb to rotate it within her grasp and places it onto Jake’s head with a cheeky grin.  It seems to spur him on, her body rocking against the desk with every single thrust as he increases the intensity, that determined look that she loves so much falling onto his face as he pushes harder and faster. 

Amy lets her hand slide back down his chest, pinching his right nipple as she goes before heading straight for her clit, holding on to Jake’s steady gaze as she begins to move her fingers in the rapid circles that never fail to get her off.  She doesn’t want this to end, but her first orgasm had felt so. good! and she was absolutely ready for another.  The handles on the desk drawers beneath them begin to rattle as Jake really begins to hammer into her, clearly racing towards climax as he mouths Ames over and over.  

The sensation of it all becomes too much a couple of minutes later and Amy cranes her neck back, calling out her husband’s name as another orgasm takes over her body, the delicious rush of it all making her giggle nonsensically.  From above her, Jake moans as Amy’s insides pulse around him, and when she drops her chin to watch him he grips her butt in both hands, pulling her as close as the bump will allow and changing the angle completely.   

His pubic bone rubs against her clit with every forceful pump from this new position, and even though Amy’s just had an orgasm and she would normally be oversensitive by this point, she’s also incredibly turned on - and as Jake’s thrusts continue she grips her other leg around his waist, holding on to him with nothing but her lower body as another wave washes over her.  This time proves to be too much for Jake as he follows her over the edge, digging his fingers into her skin and calling out her name as he releases everything he has.   

It takes a while for either of them to come down from the high, with only the sound of panting breaths and gentle kisses filling the room.  Slowly they part, holding out items of clothing to the other as they begin to put themselves back together, adding in a lingering touch every time one of them is near enough.  

They clear away the evidence of their tryst with the practiced efficiency of a team that know each other inside and out (because really, that’s the only way you could describe their partnership by now), and Jake pulls Amy in for one last lingering kiss as he fastens the top button of his jeans.

“Alright babe, I’m just gonna grab a few things from my desk while I can get to it, and then let’s go home, yeah?”

Amy nods, running her hand along her ponytail and quickly deciding it probably needs to be redone.  “Yep, I’ll be right out.  Oh, and Jake?” 

He turns at the doorway, one hand still gripping the outside frame, and Amy takes deliberately strong steps towards him.  Grabbing him by the collar, she yanks him in hard and fast for a swift kiss, pulling away before he can even try to deepen it.  There’s a flustered look on his face as they part, which when matched with his I just had sex hair makes him all the more adorable, and Amy gives him a quick wink before pushing him out completely.

“Dismissed.” 

[jjuzoir]

your muku headcanons are just???💗💝💗💖❣️omg ily so much can i request yuki relationship hcs also happy valentines day💌

Request:

A/N: so many days late but here it is! yuki relationship hc!!!

————🌷————

To Date Yuki Rurikawa:

- Just like any HC about any of the minors I’m praying you’re also a minor!

- So you two met at school! You had enrolled a bit later than the rest of the students due to having lived abroad for a few years.

- If he was being honest, he wasn’t exactly excited about a new student especially today considering he had just gotten into a fight about a budget with Sakyo.

- He was chosen by his teacher to show you around the school and help you get familiar with your schedule.

- You didn’t really pay him much mind, he looked kind of annoyed and slightly on edge as he showed you around the empty classrooms.

- And to be honest you felt kind of guilty, he clearly didn’t look like he wanted to be here so you decide to cut the meeting short.

- “I-I think I can handle myself from here, Rurikawa, thanks for the help.”

- You stiffly bow and try and hurry your ass out of the room but he stops you before you can leave.

- “Hey!”

- He looks at you fucking confused and you look back reprocating the confusion??

- “Look, Rurikawa, I don’t wanna bother you anymore- I can handle myself just fine.”

- “Bother me?”

- Uhh?? Did he have no fucking idea how scary he looked? Sure he was quite pretty but the stone cold look he wore and how cautious he was around you all day gave you the impression of being a bother.

- So you explained it as it was and he rolled his eyes at you before commenting that he wasn’t annoyed, it turns out he had just gotten into a fight and he didn’t have anything against you.

- But still, you felt bad and decided to cut the outing off soon after.

- And boy did he kind of feel bad, he knew you were new and that it’d be hard for you to get used to the school and he felt like if you got lost or something it’d be his responsibility.

- And not liking the thought of you being lost due to his inability of hiding his frustration he decides to take matters into his own hands; he would give you that fucking tour you like it or not.

- So that evening he made you a small gift and decided he’d give it to you tomorrow morning and show you around school the first free period you two had.

- And so he did, he dragged you out of you seat and gave you the damned tour, by the end of it you two had accidentally skipped the first 2 periods after break, leaving lunch and another period so you two decided to hide it out in the janitor’s closet.

- Believe it or not, I think Yuki has 100% skipped class due to being tired or bored but I think this would be his first time hiding in a room like this (normally he’d skip by sleeping in the nurse’s office (esp since he used to get teased for dressing like ”a girl” as if clothes had gender lmao)).

- Anyway, you two leave for lunch and as his sorry gift for making you feel uncomfortable before he gives you a small scarf he had learned to make with Omi.

- And that, ladies and gentlemen and non-binary folks, that you became school-friends with Yuki.

- You two didn’t hang out outside of school much, if ever, but you two did enjoy hanging out at school.

- But you wanted to know Yuki beyond him sitting beside you in english as he tried to understand why wound isn’t pronounced wow-und while you lost your fucking shit, you wanted to know Yuki Rurkiawa the cool-green haired guy.

- So you invited him out for a movie :/

- He’s a bit hesitant, you didn’t really know he likes dressing in feminine clothes and he didn’t know if you’d dislike him or make fun of him but after Muku gave a very public speech at the dorm that everyone and the manager heard he was pressured by the guys to go.

- He wears a really pretty skirt and blouse and he looks so pretty and cute you end up staring at him in shock.

- Like, you knew he was very fucking cute and you did have a crush on his rude-ass but omg he was making you blush a lot.

- He catches you staring and feels uncomfortable and he asks you why you’re staring, duh.

- “O-oh? Ah, nothing- I just, I found you really cute-! I mean the outfit, yeah the outfit, not you. Wait- no! I mean you’re cute but-!”

- Oh fuck you now he’s blushing too >:(

- You two laugh a bit before you go out and watch the damned movie,,,

- Not counting the awkward beginning, overall the date was pretty damn smooth.

- Turns out Yuki enjoyed it so much he asked you out on another date the following weekend.

- And it went just as good so you invited him for another one,

- And he invited you again and you did so too and boom!

- Three months in and y’all are basically dating!

- It was so fucking smooth bro, neither of you realized until Azuma pointed it out;

- “How long have you two been dating?”

- “Three month this is our….”

- Wait a damn minute? You two are dating?

- Everyone in the dorm just assumed you were and your friends too, but Yuki never talked it out with you...

- Great no he’s freaking out over you guys’ label.

- Enter angry Yuki calling you after practice.

- “Are we dating?”

- He was so direct about it- it took you a fat second to realize what he had asked you.

- Now you’re all blushy and shit, thank god it’s a phone call…

- “Do you want us to date?”

- “I-I think so… yeah, if you want to?”

- “Yeah, I think I do too,” you whisper and he nods until he realizes you couldn’t see him.

- “Alright, see you on monday?”

- “See you monday, Rurikawa.”

- “OH MY GOD YUKI HAS A S/O!”

- Tenma hears Kazunari’s scream and bolts out of the practice room screaming about how he’s too young and shit.

- “Shut up Hack, it’s not my fault you’re gonna die alone.”

- Dating Yuki is kinda very cute.

- Dates consist of you two going out shopping and making outfits for the other.

- But if you can’t dress well he’s more than happy to help you~

- He’s kind of sweet in a very weird way, he’s the type to not really tell you he loves you but show it.

- If he sees you want something he’s more likely to buy it in secret and gift it than stop you and buy it for you then and there.

- Compliments are rare and can sound backhanded but they’re genuine.

- Is one of the boys who doesn’t like having you around for practice!

- If you are gonna hang around though he’d rather you wait in the communal area or his room with Tenma, mostly because he’d hate having you watch him bluff or fuck up.

- Loves having you help him with costumes though, so prepare to pull all-nighters with him to finish the costumes on time.

- Tenma actually enjoys having you around, you’re a bit kinder in words than Yuki and the green-haired boy doesn’t insult him as much with you around.

- He does eventually tear a few walls down and is more honest with you about his fear of being judged and his previous bullying experiences.

- After a while, he starts becoming more soft with a less sarcastic aura around you but don’t expect his remarks and nicknames to leave.

- Overall? Best boy.

- Take care of him, okay?

[duker42]

*****WARNING*****NSFW

💜The Dinner💜

“ERWIN SMITH! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMNED MIND!!!!!!”

Levi smirked as the outraged bellow could be heard throughout the halls of the officer’s quarters. He fastened his cufflinks, and picked up his cravat as he continued getting dressed.

The high ranking officers of the Survey Corps had been invited, or politely ordered, to attend a dinner at Lord Byron’s estate. The invitation had arrived at the remote Headquarters, along with several lavishly ribboned boxes containing specific dresses for the female officers to wear.

Levi had thought it odd that the Lord be so peculiar about what dresses were seen in attendance, but dismissed the issue as it didn’t concern him. He had no interest in the dealings of the interior nobles and their piggish ways. Now with the racket coming from Y/N’s quarters, his interest was piqued.

Slipping on the well tailored suit jacket, he brushed himself off and walked out of his own quarters, heading towards the continued sounds of amplified anger.

“What the fuck kind of dinner is this!!!! I’m not going to whore myself out for your precious budget! You will just have to cut Levi’s tea order!”

Levi’s smirk disappeared as he heard Y/N’s statement. That wasn’t happening, she would wear the damn dress and just shut up before he would allow Erwin to do that. He walked into the opened door to Y/N’s quarters and stopped dead, eyes widening as he took in the scene.

The dress was...........tiny. It could barely be considered decent. That was what Lord Byron had sent for the officers to wear to a formal dinner? Now he understood why she was so outraged. He had never seen anything like it. Skin tight, the red material clung to every dip and curve of her body. It was low cut, the swells and deep valley between her breasts were prominently on display, practically spilling out of the top. The only cover on her shoulders was a tiny strap on one shoulder, the other creamy expanse of skin was completely bare. And short, By the Walls was it short. Stopping barely beneath the curve of her ass, Y/N’s legs seemed to go on for miles as the smooth lengths were available for viewing.

“Y/N, please. Lord Byron assured me that there was nothing untoward happening tonight. He just requested we dine with him and these dresses be worn. If we do this, he will personally fund the next year’s expedition budget.” Erwin pleaded with his officer, still not dressed himself.

Leaning against the door frame, Levi had an internal debate with himself. On the one hand, he despised everything about the nobles and would take the opposing side just for spite. On the other, he would get to see Y/N in this dress for the evening. It was such a tough decision, but in the end, his libido won.

“Y/N, quit bitching and just wear the damn thing. Erwin, can you please get your giant ass out of my girlfriend’s quarters?” He had to push down a laugh at the way Y/N jumped at the sound of his dry voice and quickly turned towards him.

“This is bullshit!!! You get to wear normal clothes!” Y/N whined.

Levi quirked an eyebrow at the situation. “I hope the Lord doesn’t want me in that dress. I don’t have the chest for it” He snickered.

Erwin’s relieved expression was evident as he used the opportunity to move away from his disgruntled squad leader and make his exit. “Y/N, you are wearing the dress. That’s an order. Levi will kill anyone who tries to touch you anyway.”

Levi did laugh quietly when his little spitfire perked up at the mention of violence. He moved over to her, trailing a single finger up her arm and over the bare shoulder, enjoying the slight shudder she made.

“I think I like this Lord Byron. Even if it’s only for this dress.” His voice was low, seductive.

While he hadn’t been looking forward to a boring dinner with equal boring nobles for company, he couldn’t wait to get the evening started. So he could come back to his quarters and peel this dress off Y/N.

“You won’t like him if he tries something.” She countered, trying to think as his hands glided over the exposed flesh.

His steely grey eyes flashed dangerously as he growled out. “He would be stupid to try and touch what is mine.”

Y/N tittered as she stepped closer to the Captain, placing a warm hand on his chest. “So I’m yours now?”

“Yes.” His answer was short and to the point as he curled elegant fingers around her waist, drawing her against him. Skimming his lips over hers, he hears her sharp intake of breath. He loves knowing she is affected by him the same way she twists his insides around.

As he moves to deepen the connection of their mouths, Hanji bursts through the open door.

“Come on you two, the carriages are waiting!” In a blur of long limbs and flying hair, the energetic woman is off.

“Four Eyes isn’t letting the tiny dress upset her, so let’s go. Move that ass.” He pulls away and holds his arm out for her, containing a smirk at the grumbling he hears from her.

He decided he liked the heels she was wearing to accompany the dress as he got a fantastic view of her ass as she climbed gingerly into the carriage.

Sitting across from her, he got the chance to study her overall appearance. She looked amazing. Her hair was curled and swept to the side, exposing that long neck and drawing attention to vast expanse of skin. Kohl lined eyes gave her a seductive look, finished off with lips stained the same color as her dress. Her only jewelry was the delicate earrings that were her grandmothers. He felt a burst of lust and pride looking at the woman he loved.

Arriving at Lord Byron’s estate shortly after his perusal, Levi froze when Y/N uncrossed her legs to prepare to exit the carriage. He could have sworn he saw a flash of skin. Shaking his head slightly, he exited after Mike and Nanaba, turning to help Y/N down. Holding his hand out to her, he watches carefully as she slides closer to the door and moves to step out, flashing the pale pink skin of her sex briefly.

Levi fights to retain his composure. Y/N is sans underwear. There is nothing under that dress but perfume and skin. His body goes slightly numb as he realizes he now had to sit through a boring dinner with this newfound knowledge. As she flashes a grateful smile to him, his pulse is beating a swift tattoo beneath his chest.

Making their way into the large house, Y/N finds all the female guests are similarly attired. Feeling somewhat better at her lack of cover, she begins to relax. Accepting a glass of wine from a server, she begins to chat with Nanaba and Hanji as Mike, Erwin and Levi are pulled away by the host to discuss some important issue. Most likely an excuse to bar themselves in a room and drink expensive scotch.

Dinner is announced as the men rejoin the ladies. Taking her arm, Levi leads Y/N into the large opulent dining room, making sure to sit on her left side. The first course is served and Levi watches Y/N observe the conversations around her. He had already noticed that the females here were from the military and all were wearing that same small dress in different colors. It seemed the Lord Byron was a bit of a lecher, and used his influence to provide his optical entertainment for the evening.

After wiping his mouth, he returned the napkin to his lap and made the first move. Slowly sliding his hand over, he set his palm lightly on Y/N’s smooth thigh. He felt her tense for a moment before she relaxed, looking at him gratefully as she took a sip of her wine. She had thought he was reassuring her, and he fought to keep the grin from coming to his lips.

Gently, he started tracing random pattern’s in her skin, keeping the touch feather light. Running from her knee to the hem of her dress, he stroked her skin, paying special attention to her sensitive inner thigh. She tightened her thighs around his hand in warning, and received a light pinch in return.

He removed his hand as the staff came to remove their plates and serve the next course. Y/N breathed a small sigh of relief. Levi was distracting her with those skilled hands of his. He had to have known what he was doing to her, and it had surprised her for him to do it in such a public setting. He was always very protective of their relationship, preferring to keep their affections behind closed doors.

As she proceeded to take a bite of the delicate beef of the main course, his warm hand returned to her leg, fingers hooking up underneath the tight dress. Calling attention to herself, Y/N chokes on the food, coughing as she tries to breath properly.

“Alright, brat?” A raised eyebrows meets her glare as she see the amusement swimming in his grey orbs. “Don’t die from pleasure.” His low, wry comment made her bite back a growl.

The smug bastard was enjoying her discomfort as he toyed with the hem. Y/N squirmed, trying to avoid his touch as his fingers worked closer to their goal. A slight moan escaped her as the first contact of his warm fingers made their way to her lips. She cursed her traitorous body as she responded to his touch.

“Good isn’t it?” The older man to her right startled her as he lean over to speak. At her obviously confused expression, he motioned to the food on her plate. “You seem to be really enjoying dinner.”

Levi raised his wine glass to his lips, taking a sip to hide the smirk that fought to make it’s way onto his face.

“Um, yeah. It’s really good.” Y/N flushed, embarrassed her reactions had caught someone’s attention.

She went back to studying her plate diligently as the fingers under her dress continues to slowly stroke the folds of her center. The conversation flowed around her as she used all of her willpower to not move or make a sound.

Desert was complete torture for Y/N. After the plate had been set before her, Levi had pushed one slender finger inside her. Gasping, she could only give a pleasured expression as she went to lift the fork to her mouth. The others around her nodded, thinking her reaction was from the sweet confection, rather than the stimulations of her lover’s hand beneath the table cloth.

Finally, the plates were taken up as Levi removed his hand from her lap, leaving her on the edge of a orgasm in a room full of people. She didn’t know if she should sigh in relief or beg him to finish her off. With a wicked grin, she watched as he slowly brought the glistening digit up and carefully cleaned it with his mouth, eyes dark with lust focused on her.

“Delicious.” He declared, his face rearranging itself into it’s normal passive expression as he turned back to the conversation on his left.

When they finally thanked the host and made their excuses, Y/N practically raced to the waiting carriages. Levi stood behind her, mindful of keeping her from exposing herself to anyone but him. Climbing up behind her, he turned to Mike and Nanaba.

“Ride with Erwin and Hanji.” And closed the carriage door.

Nanaba looked shocked, while Mike had a knowing grin on his face. He knew exactly what had been going on under the table. And he had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen on the ride back to Headquarters. Pulling his alluring date over to the other carriage, he shrugged his shoulders at her.

“The dinner must have gotten to her.”

Mobile MasterList

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

An Unexpected Visitor (Sriracha, Part 40.)

Series description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Early fall of ‘85. Everything seemed to be going just great - you were married, in love, almost finished with with your university studies, you had your baby back in your home and had some exciting news... Which was why someone had took you by a surprise.

A/N: I am honestly having so much fun, sksksks.

Word count: 3.1K

Tagging:  @nemodoren, @missdictatorme, @ysljordy, @creedslove​, @hopperlover, @btchsm, @rita-lean

Master list: H E R E

Series playlist: Jim Hopper 😠

You gave yourself three more days to accommodate to the new situation. It could be just the post-ceremony stress you were experiencing, right? Jim, as the good soul he was in his core, prepared you some breakfast the following morning, bringing it to your bed. It was obvious what you'll be doing that day since he took a day off and Eleven was staying at your mom's. James jokingly said that no-one will see you for the week following the wedding and look at that, he wasn't wrong.

As time went on, it was more and more obvious that something isn't completely in check with you. Whether it was the fact that almost every morning, you spent at least ten minutes with the feeling of being sick or the fact that you were capable of giving Jim a long lecture just because he didn't take off his shoes as soon as he got in. He was jokingly saying that you put your wife mode pretty early and you, as well, chuckled at that. Not knowing what to think about all of that.

The holiday in Maine suddenly wasn't such a good idea as you thought it would be. It was supposed to be your honeymoon and a family holiday at once since your budget wasn't exactly the highest. You were supposed to visit some ultra-romantic location for three days with Jim and spend a week at Joyce's.

Yet a week before the trip itself, you decided that you want to keep the voucher from Joyce for later, sticking to the kids and Joyce for the whole ten days. Hopper sure was caught off guard with that since you were all over the place for the romantic weekend when Joyce gave you the voucher as a wedding gift, yet he didn't protest at all.

You chose Steve as your co-driver to take a short break from being with Hopper all the damn time and to savor those sweet moments on the gas station. A few years, the kids would be disgusted to see you being touchy-feely with each other. You remembered them grinning every time they were visiting your pace and Jim came home, automatically receiving a smooch and a hug for you. Now, they just turned away and talked about stuff. And also, you didn't want him to see you hyperventilating into a paper bag once vomit comes to your throat again.

Steve, on the other hand, kept you busy while he was driving or even if you were sitting behind the steering wheel. He was choosing some nice jams to sing along with kids, or you played some games like word soccer to keep you, Lucas, Dustin, and Nancy busy. Or, when the car was quiet for too long, Nancy would think of a word, letting you guess what she's thinking about. You chose a good bunch for the car ride. Robin, since she couldn't sit on any of the backseats, was mostly hiding in the trunk of Steve’s car and occasionally, she changed with one of the children.

When you were in the middle, changing with Steve, Hopper asked Nancy if she would drive at least for an hour or so because he needed some rest. She nodded, which meant that you got Mike into your car instead of Nancy - Wheeler for a Wheeler, as Dustin had said. Of course that Jim also couldn't see these two snuggling constantly, that was why he asked you to take Mike to your car.

Even if you were locked up with all of these psychos for a good portion of ten days, the vacation couldn't be better. You visited many places, went to a beach to swim and watched movies in the evenings.

"You don't look healthy. Is everything okay back there?" - Joyce asked worriedly when you, her, and Nancy were preparing some peanut butter sandwiches. You shot your gaze at Nancy, but... Who on earth would this girl tell about your sickness?

"That sounds like you're worried if my grumpy old husband..." - You told her loud enough to hear Hopper chuckle from watching the movie. - "It just came across that you think he's beating me. That's not the case, don't worry."

"Hopper beating you?" - Joyce burst out with laughter, looking at Nance who was also grinning. - "You'd sooner kicked his bottom than him even getting to beat you. No, I mean, are you okay? Since the wedding, you had lost a lot of weight and your hair also looks different. And you seem to be tired all the time since you arrived."

"And let's not forget about your morning trips to the bathroom. It's a miracle that El or Hopper didn't notice yet since you're not exactly discreet about it." - Nancy added from cutting the edges. It maybe came off as a rude comment, but it wasnt meant as one. Both of the women were just worried.

"Maybe it's just the nerves, as Robin said." - You tried to shake it off with a nervous smile and you mixed Dustin and Will’s hot cocoa they ordered. At that, both of the ladies looked at you with a face knowing something you didn't.

"What would Hopper say about another child? Have you talked about that?" - Joyce asked pretty blatantly, looking at the peanut butter jar innocently. You weren't exactly surprised that this was their main concern. It crossed your mind too. What if you were pregnant? Just theoretically? There were a few occasions where you nor James were exactly careful with what you were doing in the bed, especially when he came back from the dead.

A long exhale of yours was more than a thousand words. But when you saw Joyce's shocked face, you shook your head immediately. - "I mean, yeah, I theoretically asked him once or twice if having children is something he would still be up to, but his answer... I don't know, gals, it was... He didn't exactly say no, but he wasn’t jumping around with excitement either."

"See?" - Joyce asked fenced with the butter knife in her hand, having her duh face on. - "He's opened to it, and that is the best you'll get out of Hopper. He wasnt too excited about seeing you at the begging either, don't you think?" - She poked fun of you a bit, having Nancy smile as well. - "And now he proclaims it the best idea he ever had." - She walked up to you, hugging one of your sides, Nancy joining on the other side.

"We’ll be here if you'd need some help, okay?" - Nancy whispered. No matter what, the idea of being an auntie made both the ladies smile. And you as a mom? You hadn't a problem with getting Eleven and the children gange under your thumb, what would the difference with your baby be?

Yet you felt kinda nervous when you gave all of the food and drinks to the kids, sitting beside Hopper. Someone started the movie, but the man couldn't look away from you. - "Why are you staring at me? I thought that this phase is way beyond us." - You accused him jokingly, laying down on the couch to watch The Breakfast Club, which was chosen by the girls for the night. Other nights, you watched movies like The Planet of Apes or Star Trek, so it was a fine compromise. Or ’halfway happy’ as Jim and Eleven called it.

"You're not lookin’ good is what I wanted to say." - Hopper chuckled, watching your mouth open wide. - "I mean, you don't usually look this ugly, so I'm just worried." - Jim finished, teasing the living hell out of you. With a smile, you kissed him, feeling the familiar scratch of a beard on your face. - "Shut up and watch the damn movie, James." - You chuckled, getting into a good position.

You fell asleep on the couch in the middle of the movie, both of you. So even if it was Dustin and Mike’s sleeping place, they decided to sleep in the garden in a tent with Steve and Robin, who were telling them scary stories the whole night. You knew that because around three a.m., back pain waked you up and as soon as you got up, Hopper had conquered the whole couch by himself.

When you went to sit on the terrace with a cup of cocoa too, Steve was still sitting there by a fireplace, looking into it while the rest was dead asleep at that time. These lumberjack slumbers had to be heard miles away. The summer air was colder in the area since you were pretty close to the sea, which was nice.

"Some ghosts on your mind, huh?" - You whispered into Steve's ear after sneaking up on him, freaking him the hell out. With a chuckle, you sat down next to him, pulling your sweatshirt closer. Steve took a sip out of your mug without asking and you let him, watching the flames too.

"Can't fall asleep for a reason. You?" - Steve answered the question, looking at the profile of your face. - "Back pain and Hopper being spread all over the couch. Since I got married, I feel like an old lady with all these back pains and late-night waking up." - You chuckled back at the comment about you feeling old.

Yeah. Steve was just three or so years younger, yet the differences between you and him were undeniable. You were married, possibly pregnant, a mother, almost a college graduate with a psychology diploma, and an adult responsible for a man like James Hopper while Steve was just trying to figure out who he even was. He was single, he was still living with his parents and had a job at a video rental. You both were adults now but in different ways.

"It weirdly suits both of you. I am like... No expert, but you feel right together. Jesus, do you remember when I kissed you when we were playing that hide in seek?" - Steve asked embarrassed, looking at you. At that memory, you started to laugh with him, nodding. - "And I how I have shot the basketball ball into your forehead? You had a concussion or something." - You told him back, having him laughing as well.

"Mom was not letting me see the two of you for the next two weeks. She said that you're too dangerous to be friends with." - Steve smiled and then, suddenly you both slipped into your childhood memories once more. He was making you laugh the whole night. You got back to the couch by six in the morning. - "Where were you?" - Jim asked sleepily once you shoved him off your half of the couch. You didn’t answer him, you simply kissed him without saying a word. Oh, what fun making Jim quiet that night it was.

The other day, Robin, Jonathan, Steve, and Hopper planned some kind of a quest for the kids and no matter how adult they were trying to be, they were happy when the four adults told them. And what a better day to spend with your ladies than peeing on sticks, am I right?

"So, does it like have two strips or one strip?" - Joyce asked through the door, looking at the instructions she got at the pharmacy. She was confused as hell, but she wasnt willing to say it out loud. At that moment, you opened up the door, walking out, having three different pee sticks in your hand. - "Do I look like a gynecologist to you, Joyce?" - You asked ironically, putting them on a paper towel so you could all have a good look at what was in front of you.

The only thing Nancy did was that she opened up her mouth unbelievably, Joyce copying her actions within a second. Only you stood there, not knowing what the hell is going on. - "So, it's negative, right?" - You asked with a peal of horrified laughter only being the single thing you were capable of. And you almost fainted when both of them shook their heads in complete sync.

"All three are positive. So... Congratulations?" - Nancy whispered, still looking at the three pregnancy test in front of you. You, my friend, felt that you were in deep shit since that moment. It was your last day in Maine and the other day, Steve was driving you home again. The whole ride, you were quiet, looking out of the window. When Steve wanted to turn off Baba O’Riley, you stopped his hand by catching it, letting it play. The song was somehow translating to your situation with the lyrics like We’re all wasted and Don’t cry. You were feeling like crying.

Any other girl your age would be fine with it. Well, not fine, but they would somehow accept it. Yet you had a lot to think about. Should you let this one dream go? Should you get rid of the baby before Jim gets to know? What would his reaction even be? Jesus, you weren't that scared ever before. But you couldn't bring yourself to tell him nor to for that abortion. The only thing you did was visiting a doctor to confirm the news. It was too late to let the baby go anyway. The doctor could see you tearing up when they told you... - "Congratulations, you're going to be a mom."

A loud ring bell woke you up from your slumber. Jesus, you weren't ready to go to the hospital as a children psychologist that day. You lower back hurt, you were growling, your tummy was in immersive pain. You were getting real pregnant since the day it was confirmed. Maybe it was time to tell Jim and Eleven - but there was nothing sure until the end of month three, so there was no way telling them beforehand. Your mom knew and she almost went crazy with happiness. Yet the rest, no, you didn't consider it appropriate to tell them just yet.

You were in so much stress, as your doctor said, that you should wait before telling the others the news. There was no wonder - your fucking husband was a stressor at his best, Eleven was now at school in Hawkins, which didn't quite help and your new job as a psychologist in the local hospital was quite a burden too. You wouldn't be even able to finish the semester in time, probably, yet you already told your lector about the situation, thinking about taking something called a pregnancy break or whatever, starting the final semester again after you'd give birth. You'd also had a full right to continue studying while having a child home, taking the exams, and other things.

It wasn’t a big problem since the same man had you under his wings since 1983 and he was still friends with your parents. You already started to work on it with the man - first, you had to prove that you're pregnant for real with some report from your doctor, which you have already done. It was more chill than you'd ever say - you could ask for prolonging your studies without having to pay fees or whatever, but you didn't want to freak yourself out too early about being a real mom and... There was much to talk about.

Nonetheless, even in your first trimester, you felt super-pregnant, super huge and it was a wonder that you somehow covered the constant vomiting. It wasnt happening at that moment mostly, yet when it did, your whole dinner usually ended up in the toilet. You cussed as you ran the stairs down. Jesus, you were gassy as a living fuck. Holy damn. You farted on every step you took and when you needed to burb, well, that was something as well. And you were better at these activities than the boys or even your husband.

"I'm coming! I'm coming, just wait a minute, Jesus!" - You yelled at the door, supporting your lower back with your hand, the other one holding the railing. No-one was at home. Jim was at work and El was with her friends outside, probably having some milkshakes at Murphy’s. You still loved that place and you visited it frequently to talk with Ada and you other co-workers or just to have something ultra-unhealthy there with your family.

When you opened up the door, you felt like if you've run a marathon before that. You still had your palm on your lower back when you smiled at the persons who were ringing. It was a tall woman with a boy standing next to her, smiling at you with a surprise in her face. She expected Jim to open up the door. Instead of her ex-husband, it was a girl who was maybe half his age with a golden ring on her left hand.

"My name’s Y/N Hopper. I'm so sorry I didn't hear you ringing before, I was sleeping." - You smiled at the woman pleasantly, knowing that you've seen her before already. And the boy was just super cute. She nodded and took the sight of you once again. - "What are you looking for? Can I help you?" - You asked, inviting them in for a cup of coffee. Maybe it was the former owner of the house? That was where you knew her from?

"Oh, I'm just looking for James Hopper? His secretary told me he lives here?" - The woman asked while you started to prepare the cattle. She was looking around your kitchen, especially on Sara’s pictures on the walls while her boy wandered off to explore the living room.

"Yeah, he should be home every minute now. Do you and Jim know each other?" - You asked with a smile, making her choose between tea and coffee. She decided to have a coffee.

"My name’s Diane. I'm Jim’s ex-wife." - She told you, and when she did, the mug fell out of your palm, breaking into small pieces. You opened up your mouth, picking everything up before the boy would come there and cut himself. So that was where you knew her from. Jim’s old photos. Of course. - "And I need to talk to James as soon as possible."

[midweekupdate]

11/25/20

Do you ever dream of a specific murder, knowing you will never be able to see it come to fruition? Sometimes, time, distance, or the laws of physics intervene but one day, I’m going to be the first woman to commit murder on the moon and then nothing can stop me.

In reality, it’s more likely that Casey will be the one to earn that title but it will be a leap forward for womankind regardless.

So anyways, I had a dream where I basically skinned a man alive. I cut a piece on the inside of his elbow and dragged it towards his fingers like I was pulling a sleeve off (because it was a dream, of course, it came off in one piece. So I did that to both his arms and naturally he was screaming bloody murder the whole time.

Am I allowed to use that phrase? Can you actually say “screaming bloody murder” in the context of a bloody murder in which the victim screamed?

Who would I ask about that?

So I tore the skin off his forearms like a glove, he was screaming, it was all going fine. Then I cut just below his clavicle and around his back as a reference point because obviously, you have to save the head for last. The head is the best part because if you do it right, they’ll still be alive even after they’ve lost most of the blood in their body. So long as the brain as not registered that the heart has stopped pumping blood, you’ve got a bit of time on your hands.

Have you ever watched a person realize that they are dead? Not “going to die”. Actually dead. It’s fascinating. It’s not the same as someone accepting that they will die. Those reactions are pretty standard. Some accept it, some are terrified, some are confused. Nothing overly exciting (though if you get a chance to watch the light leave a person’s eyes, it is truly magical).

But watching someone realize that they have already died. It’s something else.

See, if their body has died before their brain has full registered it, there are a few seconds or even minutes where you can see on their face – especially their eyes – that they’re existing in a way that they shouldn’t. It’s like for that short time, they are an alien or a monster on this planet, completely unwelcome even by themselves. They shouldn’t be here and they don’t want to be here, but they’re trapped.

It’s quite a fascinating expression.

So I always try to leave the head for last.

In my dream, I outlined the head so I knew where to stop carving, and then started doodling. It’s really fun to cut pictures into flush, like tattoos. It’s a little easier than shaping leather and if your knife is sharp enough, it’s like cutting construction paper, but you are leaving a lasting impression in a way that’s only for the two of you. It’s an intimate art show – though not like the one I convinced James to go to with me on a dare and we ended up getting kicked out for laughing too loudly. This is about the psychological aspect as much as it is the physical torture.

I remember I wasn’t as concerned about that, though. I suppose, it’s really weird to be thinking inside a dream without somewhat realizing that it’s a dream. I was more focused on making a map. For the life of me, I wish I could remember what was on the map but I distinctly remember that I drew a map on this man’s torso (with valleys and mountains and stretches of road and rivers carved in). It was very detailed.

By the time I had finished with my mysterious map, there wasn’t much of his torso left, so I dug to the deepest point and sliced the whole thing off so I could preserve the map. Then I moved down to his legs and peeled them off the same way I had his arms. Somewhere near the end of the mapmaking was when he stopped screaming and I remember stabbing him in the thigh to see if he was alive (he was) so I kept on going. After I had used his skin like leg warmers, I went to his feet and at each toe, I pulled as hard as I could until I’d dislocated it, and then put it off where the bone separated.

Dream physics. We’ve discussed this already.

I also know it was a dream because everything was covered in blood. Me, him, the floor, the walls, the ceiling. But nothing was drying. I have a love/hate relationship with dried blood. On one hand, I love the reminders of all the lives I’ve taken and being able to peel or scrub them before bedtime as a way of commemorating the day’s work. On the other hand, dried blood doesn’t come out of ANYTHING. True, I have perfected my techniques for keeping clothes clean, and all the chemicals that actually do their job, but I wouldn’t have had to if blood wasn’t so damn hard to get out.

The best part of my dream was definitely the thick, dark red liquid that shone on the surface of the walls like it was fresh despite knowing it would take hours to get the body to the state it was in.

After I’d removed parts of his toes, I stabbed him in both thighs (right where I’d made the first stab – reduce, reuse, recycle), and pulled downwards, tearing at the muscles and tissue underneath until it all fell open to the bone. I left that open, however, I don’t know why I didn’t tear it off as well.

Regardless, I then moved up to the head, where his face was stained with tears and arterial spray. I don’t think he even had the strength to beg for his life at this point. I cut off both of his eyelids and his lips (but left his mouth there, I just took the pillow-y bit). I stuffed all four on top of his tongue and made him swallow. I could see the bits moving down his throat and on track to his stomach because it was all open but still functioning (DREAM). It was fascinating.

You know, if my life had taken another path, I might have become a nurse or doctor. My fascination for human anatomy takes on a more practical nature instead.

More practical than being a doctor, you say?

Shut up.

Once his eyeballs dried out, I just plucked them right out of their sockets and left them hanging there. But I did dig through to his brain through the eye socket and poke around there for a bit. I left a few knicks and cuts where I could reach but otherwise, I was just trying to mess with him.

I played with his brain for a little while and then I carved a straight line across where his eyes had been, circled his skull and peeled off the top. There was still the skull in the way but the top half of his head was gone.

That was when the man opened his mouth and I think he was going to try and speak.

And then I woke up.

Now I really want to try some of the stuff I dreamed about but how the fuck am I going to do all of that? In the middle of a pandemic? With my budget? Are you kidding me?

Not to mention all that blood would dry so fast in this weather and then I’d be left with this huge mess to clean up.

I was so excited but I just don’t think it can ever happen.

Which is such a shame because it looked really cool.

Oh well.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

[sol1056]

hey! i noticed that you’ve written a lot about how voltron fails as a mecha series, and it got me curious about what a GOOD mecha series looks like. do you have any recs for someone whose only experience with the genre, quite literally, is voltron?

note: that is NOT where I wanted the cut. who knows what the devs are doing over there at tumblr hq.

-----

Welp, there’s more than one kind of mecha. There’s super robots -- where (in general) the robots are ultra-powered and relatively indestructible. Then there’s real robots, which will break down and/or run out of ammunition at the most dramatically critical moments. And then there’s a category that at best might be nearly-sentient robots, which have minds and motivations of their own -- but I wouldn’t say that’s a true category (in terms of the genre) so much as a distinction I've noted.

I’ve never been big into the super robot series (with a few exceptions), and I mostly find the combining robot genre to be frustrating. Former mechanic and engineer who currently works with AI, so a lot of the hand-wavey aspects are frustrating for me, especially in super robots where things mysteriously repair themselves and there’s never a struggle to upgrade/repair. (And don’t even get me started on the idea of controlling a bipedal reactive machine with only two foot pedals and a damn joystick.)

Which is all to say, I suppose I should recommend that you watch the classics, except I’m not really sure what they are because I’ve forgotten most of them. And frankly a lot of them are really shoddy animation by today’s standards, and life is too short to waste time on that. I’ll need to refer you along to other mecha fans to add their recommendations, instead.

Well, I can at least recommend Gundam and Macross, but that’s kind of like saying I recommend Doc Martens and Aididas -- that barely narrows it down, since there’s so many options within each brand. Everyone’s got their favorites in each, as do I, but any mecha series that’s stayed with me is one that found a way to either twist the core trope, or explored implications that other series glossed over.

Note: I’ve never seen any version of Eva, and never felt the urge to, either. Sorry. Ask someone else for input on that. Plus there’s also ones I’ll leave off here ‘cause they’re veering over into AI/robots/tech and less what would usually be called mecha, but they’re still worthwhile: Battle Fairy Yukikaze, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, Broken Blade, Last Exile, and Voices of a Distant Star all come to mind.

Gundam

For me, I adore the technical geeky touches in Gundam F91, but the story is total spaghetti, so you might want to skip that until you’re more familiar with the gundam tropes. (It was meant to be a series, iirc, got shut down, and they took the pieces and made a movie from it, so it’s... kind of compressed, to put it mildly). 

Gundam Wing and Gundam 00 are considerably less geeky on the technical (though they do satisfy the mechanic itch, with a bit more real robot, at least on the technicalities). I like the international core cast, and the way each series explores geopolitical dynamics. (That said, skip the second season of Gundam 00. It just goes totally off the rails into some really wild and wacky directions.)

A long-running concept like Gundam is recognizable across the series thanks to core concepts, and in Gundam’s case it’s the conflicts between imperialism and colonialism, war versus justified rebellion, and pacifism versus a first-strike as self-defense. What I liked with Wing and 00, in particular, was its central pilots felt more tied to (and aware of) the political ramifications of their actions.

I did watch about half of Iron-Blooded Orphans, which struck out in a new direction by having Mars as the colony instead of the lagrange points, but didn’t bother finishing. From what I hear, watch it with a box of tissues, as it’s a return to the classic kill-em-all perspective of the original Gundam series.

Macross

I’m sure someone else will tell you to watch the original Macross (the american version being Robotech, albeit highly edited). I know lots of people adore the first Macross series, but it’s just too late-80s for me. (The hair, my god, the hair.)

Personally, I prefer Macross Frontier -- the amination is much improved, though the fact is I also adore the voices of Yuuichi Nakamura and Aya Endō. Macross has some politics, but it’s mostly internal -- that is, the opponents aren’t human, so whatever debate there is about who’s right or wrong is mostly one-sided, since we only ever see humans doing the talking.

I tried to watch Macross Delta but it just didn’t do it for me -- and therein lies some of the issues (for me) with both Gundam and Macross. Because both have some core elements that they tackle in every series, it can start to feel a bit repetitive.

For Macross it’s always music, Valkyries (the mecha type for Macross), and a love triangle -- which sometimes isn’t even resolved. (I’ve read all kinds of debates about whether Alto ends up with Sheryl or with Ranka, but the series leaves it open.)

A good writer can explore these themes over and over, but between the two, I personally think Gundam has done a bit better of pivoting to take a new angle with each series. But at the same time, Gundam is pretty consistent about not building on a previous series -- with a few notable exceptions, most of its series are alternate-universe stories to each other. In Macross, they’re all continuations of the previous -- so if you’re not into its setup about aliens and weird diseases and whatnot, you’re only going to get more of the same in the next series.

Everything else

So here’s the series I like, but I’m not sure all of these would be counted as ‘true’ mecha by other fans (a debate I mostly ignore, so I’ll leave it to others to argue about that).

Escaflowne -- one of the rare breed of fantasy-styled mecha (Broken Blade being another one that comes to mind). The animation is strongly 80s, but the voice acting is superb, the story (originally meant to be longer, then budget cuts forced a much longer story to squeeze into half the episodes it really deserved).

[It’s also a series I’d call a harbinger, similar to tripping over little-known movies from twenty years ago and realizing every single actor including walk-on parts went on to be massive names. Escaflowne’s got that, but that also extends to its animation team, its director, its composer, on and on. All of them went onto work on some of the greatest hits of anime. That makes Escaflowne immensely (if quietly and somewhat subtly) influential, both for the genre and animation overall.]

Eureka Seven -- another not-on-Earth story. At first the mecha movement -- almost like surfing in the sky -- was odd, but they took some interesting physics concepts and made them not just worldbuilding, but integral parts of the story. Okay, I’m not keen on how the female lead gets successively down-graded as the hero ramps up, but there are some emotional implications of Massive Destructive Machines where Eureka Seven lingers that a lot of other series gloss over.

Fafner in the Azure -- another aliens-against-humans, but first off, I’m gonna say it: you either love Hisashi Hirai‘s character designs or you want to torch them with total prejudice. If you can get past that, Fafner is brutal to its characters well beyond most other series, excepting the earliest Gundams. Although (of course) the pilots are all kids, there are in-story reasons, and there are still adults running the show. And there are consequences, small and large.

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion -- because what would life be if we didn’t have at least one mecha series with character designs from CLAMP. (Which, admittedly, I loathe, but somehow it worked here.) Can’t speak for the second season, but the first season played up something a lot of mecha bypass for just plain banging on each other, which is strategy. It caught me at the time, at least.

Full Metal Panic -- watch this after watching Gundam Wing and/or Gundam 00, to get the tropes they’re playing on with Sousuke Sagara (the ostensible protagonist who just cannot seem to relate to real human beings). I saw one description of him as “about as well-adjusted as a feral child” and that kinda fits. It’s more real robots, and of course parts require some hardcore suspension of disbelief (the commanding officer who looks 14, sounds like she’s 12, and has boobs that never occur in nature on a frame that teeny). But all told, a lot of fun and plenty of explosions.

RahXephon -- this is another oddball one, because the mecha aren’t mecha, they’re golems (as in, creatures made from clay). For all that, there’s a lot of significant mecha influence and tropes at work. It’s held up pretty well, animation-wise, considering its age (from 2002). and while it’s the same ‘strange aliens attack earth’ plotline, it spins all that off in a completely different direction.

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (aka Gurren Lagann) -- don’t watch this one until you’ve seen plenty of others, though, because it’s a fondly affectionate send-up of nearly every possible trope from combining to super to real robots. Cranked up to eleven.

Knights of Sidonia -- of all the ones on this list, KoS is possibly my most favorite. It was an early all-CGI series, and a lot of people were turned off by that, but once you get used to it, the story can carry you along. Like Macross Frontier, it takes place in deep space, where a colony of humans fight for survival with an incomprehensible (and nearly unstoppable) alien foe. But KoS is true science fiction, with a lot of solid science driving its dramatic points. Also--unlike most of the others series--although the characters are technically human, they’ve also evolved as a result of their time in space. For one, they have three genders, for another, they don’t eat; they photosynthesize.

[theirrationalzone]

My Top Ten Games of 2020

Let’s just address the giant elephant in the room from the offset: 2020 has been one giant mess of a year. Every event, every major moment this year just felt like the worst case scenario every time.

For a lot of us though, there was one saving grace: video games.

2020 has been a damn fine year for video games. From the return of certain classic franchises to some amazing new entries and experiences. Gaming really managed to thrive in a year where other entertainment mediums such as films and television struggled.

Let’s dive in and take a look at some of the games that made this year a lot more bearable:

10: Watch Dogs Legion

I’ve had a soft spot for Ubisoft’s hack ‘em up franchise for quite a while. I didn’t think the original was as disappointing as it was made out to be and I thought the second one was an underrated gem. When Legion was first announced, I liked a lot of what the game was setting out to do but I wasn’t ready to pull the trigger on getting it. I decided to give the game a chance in the end and I’m glad I did.

Legion might suffer from the same pitfalls that have plagued other Ubisoft enterprises, but the recruitment mechanic is one of the coolest systems I have seen in any game ever. The fact that you can recruit any NPC that you see on the streets of London and use their unique talents to complete your objectives is just an awesome thing in and of itself. Its depiction of London is also incredibly fun to explore and cause mayhem in. While I found the writing to be pretty subpar, the game quite buggy and the whole PS5 upgrade fiasco a farce, I still found Legion to be a fun open world experience overall.

9: Resident Evil 3

Resident Evil has been on a real hot streak as of late, hasn’t it? Ever since Capcom made a promise to its fans that the Resident Evil series would go back to what made it so popular in the first place, the series has gone from strength to strength. Last year saw the release of the RE2 Remake which was absolutely excellent in that it kept the spirit of the original while also taking a few liberties of its own. It was only a matter of time before RE3 got the same treatment and well... it did.

I’m just going to spit this out. It’s not as good as the RE2 Remake. It didn’t need to be though. I still think this is a good game that provides a satisfying and fun survival horror experience. It carries over a lot of the elements that made the RE2 Remake such an excellent game and in certain areas (especially the writing) it makes a few improvements. Plus the game looks absolutely stunning thanks to the RE Engine. It is quite short. It is missing quite a bit of content from the original game. It definitely isn’t as replayable as the RE2 Remake. I still had a blast with it though overall. If this really is a blip for the Resident Evil series, then it must be in a really good place right now.

8: Tell Me Why

Dontnod Entertainment have fast become one of my favourite developers in the industry right now. When I first played Life is Strange back in 2015, it felt like a revelation. It weaved a fantastic story with characters you genuinely cared for and took you to a place you never wanted to leave. I’ve enjoyed all of their other ventures since then such as the underrated (if quite janky) Vampyr and Life is Strange 2.

Tell Me Why is another venture that fits the Dontnod MO: A grounded emotional story with slight supernatural elements, a degree of player choice and a setting that makes your jaw drop. The major difference here is the game’s attempt to portray a transgender character. That’s nothing new in and of itself. It’s more the fact that it attempts to accurately portray a transgender male character which is a bit of a rarity in all forms of media. Transgender portrayals (from what I’ve seen) tend to focus on male to female rather than female to male.

I’m in no position to comment on whether the portrayal is accurate or not, but I got the impression that Dontnod really went out of their way to get this right. Their FAQ explains that they worked with GLAAD and the voice actor to get it as right as they could. That alone deserves huge praise, but I also loved the Ronan Twins’ story as they dealt with their harsh past and the uncertain future. The game was a delight from beginning to end and it just looks absolutely gorgeous to boot. Dontnod have done it again.

7: Bugsnax

One of the early delights of the last generation was a little ditty known as Octodad: Dadliest Catch. It was a fun little physics based affair which cast you as a octopus masquerading as a human. The game had a terrific sense of humour and it was just bloody fun to play. Young Horses (the developer of the game) kinda went dark after that. They only really resurfaced to release two bonus levels for that game and then they just disappeared again. Now we know why that was the case...

Bugsnax retains some of the qualities that made Octodad such as a memorable game. A great sense of humour and a unique gameplay hook. You play as a reporter sent to the mysterious Snaktooth Island to interview an explorer called Elizabert Megafig who has discovered these unusual creatures known as Bugsnax. After crash landing onto the island, you discover that Elizabert and her significant other have gone missing. It’s up to you to find out what happened while also documenting and capturing Bugsnax for yourself. Capturing the Bugsnax is a big part of what makes this game such a delight to play. As you unlock more tools to play around with, you can come up with different strategies and methods to capture these weird snack based creatures. It’s pretty awesome. Throw in a lovable set of characters to interact with and a beautiful environment to explore, and you’ve got one of the most lovable games released this year.

6: Mafia: Definitive Edition

The last few years haven’t been too kind to the Mafia franchise in my eyes. I really wanted to like Mafia III when it came out back in 2016. It was a sequel I waited years for and it did have some good qualities such as an excellent story that dealt with some pretty heavy topics, solid gameplay mechanics and an amazing licensed soundtrack. Unfortunately the game had one of the most tedious and boring gameplay loops I think I’ve ever seen in an open world game. It just got so dull after the first couple of hours.

This year saw the announcement of the Mafia Trilogy which was to be a celebration of the entire franchise with a remake of the first game, a remaster of the second and a re-release of the third. Half of this was botched with the remaster of II being poorly put together and the re-release of III receiving a broken patch. Things were looking grim for the remake...

As you can see by it being in this list, we were proven wrong. Mafia: DE is a fantastic remake that pays good lip service to the original while also expanding on certain elements. The story which follows the rise and fall of cab driver turned wiseguy Tommy Angelo is more fleshed out with new sequences and character moments that weren’t in the original. Gameplay still retains the solid shooting and cover mechanics of Mafia III and the driving feels absolutely excellent especially when you put it in simulation mode. Lost Heaven is just gorgeous to behold as well with its bustling neighbourhoods and beautiful countryside. I hope this is the beginning of a redemption arc for Hangar 13 and the Mafia franchise. There is a lot of promise to build upon from here.

5: Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise

Anyone who knows me personally or has followed me on social media for a while knows that I’m a big fan of Deadly Premonition. The 2010 cult survival horror hit pretty much encapsulates why I love video games with its lovable hero, an eccentric cast of characters and surprisingly solid mechanics considering the budget it was made for. It was definitely more than the sum of its parts.

When I found out that a sequel was being made exclusively for the Nintendo Switch, my jaw hit the floor pretty hard. I thought any hopes for a sequel were dashed when SWERY left Access Games (the original dev), and yet here we are. A Blessing in Disguise is a brilliant sequel to the zany original. It captures everything that I loved about the original game to a T while also improving in certain aspects. The story is more ambitious this time with it being both prequel and sequel. A lot of the gameplay elements have been improved. The combat benefits from better aiming controls and an upgrade system for both York and his weapon. Getting from A to B is less wonky (and more fun) thanks to the addition of a skateboard rather than a car.

While I do still think the original is better due to the more creative side quests, the more challenging difficulty and the fact that it functions better from a technical perspective, I’m still a big fan of DP2 and it deserves your attention. Here’s hoping that it makes its way to other platforms in the future.

4: Ghost of Tsushima

This last generation has been good for Sony and its Worldwide Studios. In the last five years, they’ve managed to produce hit after hit after hit. A definite far cry from the first year of the PS4 where they produced some dire exclusives. Infamous Second Son was one of these. Sucker Punch’s first effort on the console was very pretty and a good technical showpiece for the console, but as a game, it was boring and dull. I couldn’t even muster the strength to finish it. The standalone expansion First Light was a huge improvement in my eyes. It cut out a lot of the fluff from Second Son. I knew then that Sucker Punch would eventually give us something amazing. They certainly did in the end...

Ghost of Tsushima is honestly one of the best exclusives that Sony has ever produced. Giving us a brutal tale in the vein of a Kurosawa flick where samurai Jin Sakai is forced to betray his code in order to drive out the Mongol force that has enslaved his homeland; we have a story that is genuinely gripping from beginning to end with an incredibly powerful final duel to boot. The combat is incredibly fun with a brilliant combat system that is easy to pick up but challenging to master. Duels especially show the combat system at its finest. Upgrading your abilities genuinely makes you feel incredibly powerful as you begin to decimate enemies left, right and center. Stealth is solid giving you plenty of tools at your disposal and certainly changes up the gameplay a fair bit. Did I mention that Tsushima Island is one of the most aesthetically pleasing locales in any game to date? Well I’m saying it now. It is one of the most beautiful locales in any game to date.

I’m very excited to see where this new IP goes in the future because this first entry is just incredible. A must buy if you own or plan on owning a PlayStation 4 or 5 in the near future.

3: Astro’s Playroom

Memorable pack-in exclusives are a bit of a rarity nowadays. The last one that sticks in my mind is Wii Sports, and that was a long time ago.

Astro’s Playroom serves as the pack-in title for the PlayStation 5 as it is pre-installed on all units. It’s also my favourite exclusive for the console so far. The main reason for this is that Astro’s Playroom evolves past being just a tech demo for the console and its fancy new controller. It actually is a fun little platformer in its own right. It offers something different with every level. In one level you can transform into a giant ball and attempt to navigate some pretty tight platforms, and in the next, you take control of a rocket ship and navigate through corridors while also avoiding bombs. There is great variety here and to be fair, it shows off the potential of the new DualSense controller fantastically.

Plus the game is just one giant love letter to the PlayStation brand and the games that made it what it is today. You’ll see references to obscure PlayStation paraphernalia such as the Multitap and UMD discs, and also games like Final Fantasy VII and Silent Hill. The final boss of the game in particular is one giant callback to something you might remember if you got a PlayStation 1 back in the day. I won’t say any more, but it made me yelp in joy when I saw it. If you plan on getting a PlayStation 5 in the future, make this the first game you play. You won’t regret it.

2: Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2

Activision have been on a roll in the last few years with the revitalisation of some of their classic franchises. Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon for example have enjoyed newfound success thanks to the excellent N Sane Trilogy and Reignited Trilogy. When it was revealed earlier this year that Vicarious Visions and Beenox would be resurrecting the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater franchise with a remake of Pro Skater 1 and 2, my heart skipped a good few beats.

The Pro Skater franchise means a lot to me personally as I have very fond memories of putting hours into 1 and 2 when I was a kid. Going through the Career mode with each skater, learning the gaps and getting used to doing manuals when they were introduced in 2, it’s all ingrained into me. I’m happy to say that this is probably the best remake I have ever played. It perfectly captures what made those first two entries so special. Each level is beautifully recreated with a ton of new details that serve to enhance these levels. The soundtrack includes all of your old favourites like Goldfinger’s Superman and Rage Against the Machine’s Guerilla Radio along with some fantastic new tracks like Less Than Jake’s Bomb Drop.

The gameplay definitely taps more into Pro Skater 3 and 4 territory with Reverts and Flatland tricks included. These tricks don’t feel out of place and the game does give you the option to play it legacy style if you want. It feels magnificent overall though. The physics are pitch perfect. Creating lines and large combos is still as addicting and rewarding as ever. Online leaderboards certainly tempt you to reach for the stars if you’ve got the ability. Career mode isn’t particularly long, but the pretty robust Create-a-Park editor and solid multiplayer suite should keep you coming back for more. I’ve already put dozens of hours into this and I have no intention of stopping anytime soon.

If my number 1 entry on this list didn’t exist, this would be my Game of the Year. As it stands though, this is a very close second.

1: Doom Eternal

How do you follow up one of the best first person shooters in recent memory? Basically turn everything up to eleven and then some. Doom (2016) was such an eye opener when it launched. It gave everything we could have ever wanted from a new Doom game: a whole planet full of demons to kill and some big guns to help them back to where they belong. It was awesome and an easy choice for my GOTY back in 2016.

I anticipated Doom Eternal with bated breath. The excitement was building but the nerves were building with it. How could it live up to the previous one? What if it makes the same mistakes as Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus? Thankfully my worries were unfounded as soon as I loaded up the game and was thrown straight into the fold with a Combat Shotgun and some entry level demons to destroy with it.

Doom Eternal is the FPS genre at its absolute finest. The levels are much bigger with more secrets to find and loads of demons to kill. Said demons are much more plentiful in their ranks and they move faster too. Fortunately enough, you have a huge arsenal to deal death to these demonic denizens from the depths of Hell such as the starter Combat Shotgun, the Plasma Rifle, the Ballista and even a giant sword known as the Crucible. Enemies now have weak points to exploit as well which can turn the tide of battle and it rewards accuracy. Before you know it, you’ll be entangled in a ballet of bullets, beams, blood and guts (HUGE guts mind you.) This game makes you feel like a hero at the end of every fight. It’s so satisfying.

Toss in a soundtrack that will get your blood pumping and your goosebumps raising along with environments that will make your TV or monitor look like a window to a scorched earth, and you have my Game of the Year for 2020. Well deserved for sure. I really need to get on that DLC.

To those of you who actually took the time to read all that, you have my heartfelt thanks. I really appreciate you reading this and I hope my choices made sense.

To those of you who just glanced at each entry and skimmed through the text, I don’t blame you for doing that. I still appreciate you taking a look anyway.

All that’s left for me to say is that I hope each and every one of you has a safe holiday season and I hope that the New Year will be better for all of us.

I’ll see you all in 2021. Stay safe and well, folks.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

Merry Christmas Eve Everybody! We’ve reached the end of my christmas reivews and what not on this blog. 

But as a wise barrel chested canadian man once said, I fucking love christmas, So if i’m finishing up the holiday on my blog I want to go big and stay home. So in honor of the holiday, my memories of it and just how GREAT it makes me feel i’m counting down my top 12 christmas specials! After last year’s worst of list I really wanted to do the oppsiite.. but it was naturally a lot harder. Shows usually put a LOT of effort into their christmas outings, even the ones who do so once a year, so the good FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. To show the contrast I could only find like.. 8 I was comfortable with putting on the worst list and even some of them aren’t that bad just not good. With the best of list? I had over 60 considered and even once I started narrowing down.. it was still around 30 or 40 REALLY GOOD specials I had to work down into this list. It took a lot of work and up to the last one it was really HARD to cut it down this far. But this is the best of the best of the best of the best of the.. you get the bit. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover and this review was already supposed to come out on christmas eve, so, since I won’t be able to use this for another year...

Er. Top 12 Christmas Specials.

12. Merry Christmas Johnny Rose (Schitt’s Creek) So I finally watched all of Schitt’s Creek this year.. and i’m kicking myself for not powering through it’s terrible starting decent ending first season earlier because the show is easly one of the best comedies of the last decade and rightly earned it’s emmy sweep this year. Heartfelt, hilarious, and starring some of the best names old and new in comedy, the show is really great and I recommend checking it out.. just again be aware the first few episodes are not very good and if it wasn’t vital to the rest of the show story wise, i’d just recommend skippping season 1. While the characters minus patriach Johnny are insuferable at first... it’s their growing from self absorbed assholes to still self abosrbed but really good and decent people that is the beating heart of the show. And no where more is this heart on the show’s sleve than at christmas time as this episode is baked in just how far our cast have come.

The episode centers on Johnny Rose, played by Eugene Freaking Levy who co created the show with his equally talented son Dan who desrves the lion’s share of the credit for the show’s upturn in quality. Since the Roses used to have big lavish christmas parties once a year, Johnny decides to throw the equilvent of what they can do on a budget at the Motel they all live in. But his family all has other plans with daughter Alexis, now happily with Ted again, meeting his friends for the first time, son David, played by Dan Levy, busy at his store with his partner, in both senses, patrick and his wife Moira having a performance with her acapella group. At first it just comes off as something typical of johnny: Something well meaning and what not but ultimatley just not something his family is into or that he planend well for.

It’s only when Johnny finds himself alone at the local diner with Moira coming to see him we find out why he’s REALLY doing this: the old lavish parties, which we see one of at the start.. ultimately ended up with him alone, sad and everyone off to their own corners. WIth the family having actually come together over the past 4 seasons, Johny simply wanted to celebrate that and says such in one of the best moments in the entire show and with one hell of a line.

"I just thought, in spite of all the hardship, we found ourselves coming together, the kids, you and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party." But Moira has already taken care of it and thus takes JOhnny home to find all their friends and the rest of the family gathered, wtih the Jazzagals serandading eveyrone with a beautiful rendition of silent night. It’s just a warm, well done character piece that really fits the holiday while also really cementing what the show had become: a show not afraid to make dirty jokes or humilatie it’s cast but one that has a true sweetness to it. It’s only that the first half’s jokes don’t quite pop all that well and feel a bit at johnny’s expense that holds it back. Otherwise this is one i’ll be coming back to every year.

11. Father of the Bob (Bob’s Burgers) Bob’s Burgers is a damn great show i’m season’s behind on. Warm, charming, weird and with an expansive side cast played by a whos who of whose in comedy today. It’s a damn fine show and i’m happy it seems to have manatained it’s quality long after the simpsons and family guy lost theirs. And the show really loves christmas.. and halloween.. and valentine’s day.. and thanksgiving. Oh god does it love thanksgiving. Point is, the shows good at holiday episodes and loves doin em and has produced some stellar ones and I had a lot to pick from here.. but I ended up going with my gut and my personal faviorite. It’s not the most christmasy despite the trappings, but the character work is just too good to leave it out in the cold.  It’s Christmas Eve and the Belcher’s are visiting Bob’s Dad. As you can tell by the fact the most we’ve seen of him is a picture of his restraunt, big bob’s diner in the belcher’s living room and a flashback where he told bob to work instead of play as a kid that set off an episode’s plot, they don’t have the best relationship. Bob has a firm rule about not spending more than 15 minutes with his dad, as that’s the point they run out of things to talk about and his dad starts getting overcrytical and making jabs at bob’s life and restraunt. Linda, being Linda, decides to meddle and when she finds out Big Bob’s short order cook is missing, has our Bob fill in.  But as we see in flash backs it’s not THAT easy to repair things, as there’s a long, bitter history between the two: When a youngbob made his first unique burger and served it to a customer, his dad threw it out without even letting anyone taste it. He then offered bob a partnership when bob was a young man but Bob snapped at Big Bob in front of his friends and left to make burgers his own way, leading to where we are now. And honestly i’ts the perfect origin story for Bob and adds a lot of shades to his character. He’s obessed with the restraunt not just because he genuinely loves cooking but because it’s HIS. His place, to create creative burgers, his family and his regulars. It’s his corner of the sky. It makes the restraunt’s existance and surivvial that much more heartwarming to know the meaning behind it.

Naturally things end up blowing up with Bob pointedly serving the burger to make a point and Big bob walking out angrily and sadly. It takes bob’s gift from the kids, who had their own neat subplot of making gifts for bob in the basement, a snowglobe wrapped in newspaper.. to find out hsi dad kept the newspaper with the review of his first restraunt and kept ALL reviews of Bob’s Burgers. Despite being a stone faced critical ass on the outside, Big BOb STILl cared.. and bob relizes he needs to make amends and actually make an effort instead of just avoiding his dad or gettin gback at him. And through the power of gay club next door line dancing, and nick offerman whose a wonderful guest star here, the two reconcile with Bob admitting he shouldn’t of humilatied his dad even if he had to go his own way, and Big Bob admitting he’s hard to work with, the loss of his wife hit him hard, and he was a bit too much. The two hug, and it’s genuinely just a good, well done story of father and son that somehow gives even more dimension to Bob, an already pretty damn fleshed out character. Just a really great episode whose holiday timing makes it better.. though not being AS much a holiday episode as a really good bob’s burgers that’s enhanced by it is why this one’s so low. Next!

10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K) I”m honestly surpised i’ts taken me THIS long to get to something MST3K related. I’ve loved the show since high school, first exposed to it thanks to a dvd from the library and continuing from there to present day. I love the show’s combination of riff’s on perfectly cheesy movie and fun skits with really good puppets especially for the budget. It’s just good comfort food in show form and no where is comfort food more welcome than christmas, and each era of MST3K, so far hopefully the show will come back again eventually, has had i’ts own damn good christmas special, with this being my faviorite out of the three. 

The other two are good: ironically I have a poster for the santa claus over my computer, or rather crow and tom as santa and pitch aka satan respectively. Yes really, that’s the premise. IT is as awesome and batshit insane as it sounds. Point is I like that one and year without a santa claus, this one just has more personal warmth to me. I jus tlove the holiday feeling of joel and the bots readying for christmas in the host segments. It just feels like christmas and it’s wonderful to see the bots act like kids.  That being said.. it’s still also fucking hilaroius, with the mad’s hilariously petty wish squisher, a device that turns good gifts into socks and other unwanted presents, the best Crow T Robot quote of all time as he gives joel his santa wish

And of course, one of the best and most patently insane christmas songs ever: Have Yourself a Patrick Swayze christmas, which has become oddly sweet after his death and got me to watch road house for the first time last year... and it’s as awesome and wonderfully rediclous as this song inspiried by it and even better once you get the refrences

But while the host segments are what push this film into the list, the movie is still a delightful bit of 60′s cheese as, to restore their children to being children, a couple of martians kidnap santa to bring christmas to mars. Fights iwth robots, an asshole martian and an obnoxious sidekick named droppo, yes really, insue. IT’s just some fun cheese for the holiday and a staple of my holidays. 

9. The Three Wise Men (Letterkenny)  It’s no secret Letterkenny has quickly become one of my faviorite shows. After watching it last January, it’s become part of my being and one of my go too feel good shows, a funny as hell, uniquely weird slice of life show set in rural canada. While like it’s fellow recent legend of canadian television Schitt’s creek it’s first season CAN be a bit rough.. but it’s not as rough and getting through it is worht it as the show immiedatly picked up and became one of the funniest things to ever exist. It’s also uniquely tied to christmas as every year a season of the show has dropped on that day on it’s home streamer Crave TV in canada, and on boxing day here in the us. So it’s only fitting the show also has a REALLY great christmas special. 

It’s Christmas eve and our heroes the hicks, are having a christmas party. For the uniniated the hick’s aren’t really all that “hick” ish just hardworking farmers who still accept everybody and work damn hard. Leading man, terse talker and certified badass Wayne is suprisingly really into christmas, as he spent pretty much every holiday spouting out inacuracies about it but this day? He genuienly enjoys, even insiting on awful holiday drinks only and a midnight toast, the titular three wiseman (Canadian, irish and American Whiskeys, one shot of each). “It’s tradition”.  And thanks to tradition we get the main gag of the episode: most of the episode is wayne calling in various members of the town, most of whom he dosen’t like very much and some who deeply annoy him, to give them presents. And  while i’ve admitted to being a guy who dosen’t like a plot that basically repeats itslef.. it works here.. mostly because while the setup is the same, each member provides something new and hilarious: while it starts innocently enough with Bonnie Mcmurray, local fanservice, nice lady and fangirl of wayne, getting a camera and offering to be an elf, an offer wayne is forced to take up, it soon becomes a parade of weirdness and bullshit Wayne really dosen’t want to put up with and that really makes me laugh hard: Local loveable sex maniac and bar owner Gail goes on for a good minute about her sexual antics with Wayne’s beloved departed uncle eddie after Wayne gives him a picture of the guy, Glenn, another of wayn’es unwanted admirers and local pastor, obsesses over a christmas themed digeredoo, local druggies and emos the skids intitally refuse to open their gift out of prinicpal until wayne simply asks “What if theres drugs in it” (It’s insted vitamin d), the local hockey coach sings a hilarious and gloriously cringe song about having sex with his wife when they were alive and the hockey players make wayne uncomfortable both by crying a bit. Also tanis gets an apron. 

But even if the reactions horrify or piss off our hero into needing his elf’s help, the heart is in the fact that despite hating most of these people, he still got them a gift and one that’s hearfelt and well meaning. And naturally the sweetest is saved for his family of choice with the hicks: Squirrely Dan gets a pencil case for his oft talked about women’s studies class, Dary gets some clonge since he wears his barn clothes everywhere, and Katy gets an obscure korean christmas movie since her subplot that episode had been spent trying to get a christmas movie going, only for everyone to pick it apart: from the racisim of santa and co towards rudolph to pointing out how profoundly fucked up the premise of the santa claus is (including the fact various serial killers could’ve gotten the suit), which I agree with, it’s just a sweet gesture that shows how well he knows his friend. Overall it’s just a fun hangout of an episode that feels like a real christmas party and in these troubling times we could all use that. Now let’s all have a spit.

8. The Feast of Alvis (Sealab 2021) Another Christmas staple for me.. and a gloriously strange one at that. This time we’re checking under the sea with Sealab 2021, one of the earliest adult swim shows and the blueprint for the abriged series format, it took a dry hannah barbara show about an underwater research station and remixed it into the antics of a bunch of idiots and lunatatics throughuly unequipped for the task. Except Dr. Quinn, the only sane person aboard.. most of the time. It was comedy gold courtsey of Adam Reed, creator of the later Frisky Dingo, a throughly underated show, and Archer, which is like Frisky Dingo but refined into it’s truest and most sucessful form. It was magical and just talking about it makes me want to talk about it again at some point, probably in a best of list.  So naturally this madcap energy was perfect for the holidays. Originally the crew planned to use ACTUAL religions for this, but were forced by network to change it.. which ended up being one of those cases where the network ended up actually making the right call as the creators instead created thinly veiled substute for the various religions... and centered it around Alavanism, which is christianity.. but if christ was instead born in the us at some point, and instead of being a pacifist, was a drunken beligernt gun loving redneck who shot a guy in the face, has “vengance is mine” as one of his quotes (from said face shooting) and still had pomp and circumstance as part of his holiday.  Helping this though is our Alvian for the evening is Captain Murphy, the series best character and often the center of it’s best moments, played by the wonderful and sadly late Harry Goz, a half crazed half chidlish cloud cuckoolander who often comes off like a demanding child in an old man’s body. So naturally this holiday is for him and even more naturally he’s holding a massive alvis day cermeony that’s as batshit as he and his religion are in the main deck: he’s got buffalo, a buffet that’s deeply unsanitary, and a hallogen light mimickign the alvistide star that he wants to plop a baby under.  Naturally no one else is happy about this. Well Stormy, local hilarious dumbass, is as the only other alvian on board for this, and a general sucker for dumb shenanigans but he’s so plastared he’s even less coherent than usual and can mostly muster the desire to kick something’s ass or a weak “shut up” Most of all Quinn and his girlfriend debbie, who point out religious tolerance is a part of the sealab charter and that this kind of grotesuqe celebration really isn’t in season. I’ts also a nice dig at “War on Christmas Assholes”, long before that was as big a problem with Muprhy very much being the asshole and his cleebration rapidly crumbling. He also attempts to fire Sparks for being a wiccan stand in so yeah he deserves it. It’s all capped in Muprhy getting visted by a drunken halucination of his lord. All in all easily one of the best and most insane christmas specials ever put to film. If you have HBO Max watch it today or tommorow you will NOT regret it. 

7. Arnold’s Christmas (Hey Arnold)  A classic of my childhood, Hey Arnold is one of the best animated shows period. It’s something i’m not shy about saying, I bleivie I said it in my thanksgiving list and i’ll say it quite a bit. It’s not PERFECT, it has it’s flaws.. but it’s still damn good and the golden standard for slice of life shows. 

This episode naturally is one of it’s best and, while I didn’t catch as a kid the signifigance or what this was about, touches on of all things the vietnam war and the children who were helicoptered out. In a heart destroying story, Mr. Winn, one of Arnold’s boardinghousemates, reveals he has a daughter he has no idea where she is as to give her a better life, he made sure she got on one of those helicopters as an infant. While he was able to immigrate later, he never found her. Arnold being our own personal jesus, refuses to let this stand and goes out of his way to figure it out and goes on a quest that seemingly ends in failure. It falls on Helga to save the day as Helga actually gets what she wanted from her parents, a pair of nice boots, and gets the rare moment where they actually acknoledge her.. but loving arnold and seeing the noblility in his quest.. she gives it up. Just to make someone elses’ dream come true. He may never know who did it and tha’ts okay. An utterly heartwarming and heartbreaking episode. Nuff said. 

6. Santa Claus is Comin To Town  Speaking of classics this is how you do a santa origin story. Not the first or last i’d see, and we’ll get to one of those in a moment. While i’m not a huge fan of Rankin Bass’ other big hit with Rudolph, this one really hits the spot for me and is only this low because it’s pacing is really slow at points. Otherwise this special is near flawless, looks good and holds up today.  As I said this is a good Year One for santa establishing how he became immortal, how he met the elves, he was raised by them, how he started giving out toys, how he met mrs claus you know all the stuff you’d ask about.  To me what really sells it the best though is Mickey Rooney as Santa. While I had no idea who played him till literally writing this article in my mind his earnesness, kindness and genuine nature just.. fit the old elf to me even as a young man and everything from his humble beginings to his wanting to help children just out of kindness to his teaching an old man to dance to his romance just feels.. genuine and warm like christmas should. It just makes me feel good and like others on this list.. FEELS like christmas if that makes any sense. Not a lot else to say. Burger Meister Meisterburger isn’t the best vilian, but it was the early 70′s and we weren’t quite to diamond levels of complex interesting villians just yet so fair enough. Baiscally I don’t have a TON to say about this special in short, I may review it next year, we’ll see, but  it’s really good, really fun and sometimes simple just works I guess? Speaking of stop motion..

5. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Community) I love a good sitcom. I haven’t shared that love enough on here, I should try and change that at some point, but I do, as a fourth of this list should make crystal clear. So while sadly some of my faviorites like Brooklyn Nine Nine, Parks and Rec and Roseanne didn’t make the cut, Community thankfully did. Community is a show that’s really damn good and had THREE awesome Christmas episodes. All three, all winners and all in contention for some time. Regional Holiday music just barely didn’t make the cut. But ultimately I went with the best of the best, the most creative, most character driven, and most intresting. And the one that in Community’s traditional style, decided to take a spin on an old genre.  In this case Abed, the study groups resident pop culture junkie, guy who thinks in tropes and future Huey Duck, is seeing everything in stop motion and may get thrown out of school as a result. With his friends deeply worried, they turn to Greendale’s local psychologist and british areshole Professor Duncan, played by my spirtual father John Oliver. ALL HAIL THIS MAN

Duncan takes the two into Abed’s fantasy and thus into a rankin bass special where Abed slowly weeds out his friends and tries to get rid of Duncan, whose naturally only intrested in proving a case. It’s a fun, chaotic ride including christmas pterodactyls, and the cast all in bizzare forms based on what Abed thinks of htem. it’s really damn creative and beauitfully animated at that.  Naturally like most of these what clinches it is the heart and soul. We find out towards the end WHy this happened: Abed’s mom is spending christmas with her new family instead of him and it’s broken him to not be able to watch specials like they do> Thus the group rally behind their friend, beat duncan in a wonderful christmas number and watch specials with their buddy, as the weird ass family some of whom have or will make out, they are. 

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas With my love of comic strips and sentiment, it should suprise absolutely no one this is on here. I love peanuts and have only grown to love it more over hte years for it’s mealancholy, finely constructed cast and weird bits people forget about like Snoopy’s disco phase, that really damn good arc where his house burned down, his brother stealing his fiance only to have her stolen from him, the fact Lucy threw Linus out once, that peppermint patty was once held back a grade and her snores took her place at her desk, the fact there was a character named 5, Charlie Brown and Linus’ friend roy who introduced peppermint patty to the cast, the fact a character named crybaby boobie exists, the fact there are specials devoted to a pastiche of call of the wild, a friend of linus’ getting cancer, and Flashbeagle. Just flashbeagle. 

It is glorious. And I really need to add that to my review queue.. maybe for late january. Seriously, tis glorious. And I OWN this one. So yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yes the special that made all the specials, especially flashbeagle, possible: A Charlie Brown Christmas This one has always been part of my life, but even beyond it’s signifigance to me, having grown up with it and grafted it to my soul, it’s just .. good. It has some good commentary on the consumrisim of the holiday with Charlie Brown rightly a bit upset about it and ending up roped into directing a christmas play. Great gags, and charlie brown trying to stick up for a scragly tree no one enlse likes insue. Oh and scripture as this is probably the only overtly religious special on the list. Not that ther’es anything wrong with not being religious and celebrating christmas: i’m not anymore but I still do and while I respect people who celebrate the holiday int he spirit of christ I have none for people who bash anyone who dosen’t just see it religiously and whose over zealous about it. Your just as bad as war on christmas people and you should feel bad.  But yeah overal it’s just an inconic special whose clunkyness in production and audio just adds some charm to it. It shows it’s age.. but only in the animation and production values, which is just.. charming. It’s message is timeless, it’s characterization is perfect as you’d expect from peanuts in it’s prime, and i’ts ending is truly heartmelting. If you’ve never seen this one.. just go do that. I can wait. 

3. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)  I”ll be brief on this one as, since it only aired a few weeks ago, i’ve already done a full review on it. But I will justify why such a recent special is this high up: because it’s just that good. It may of JUST been aired, but it’s as good as anything else here and age dosen’t matter. Quality does. There will likely be future specials worth this list i’m sure but for this moment in time this one earns it. It has Santa perfectly charactrized and tells an utterly heartrending story of friendship that ends up ending simply because the two are moving in opposite directions and of Scrooge learning the meaning of christmas. Not thorugh the ghosts, they already brilliantly messed with that one. It’s just really fantastic, gets the christmas spriit perfectly and uses the characters just as flawlessly. I will defintely be watching this one every year. Just a warm, creative, funny as hell special. 

2. Comfort and Joy (Justice League) Speaking of reviews I held off reviews of my final two so I could save more thoughts here. I probably still will review them eventually, especially this one, I just felt i’d be repeating myself or have to be brief like the last one. But yeah this one slaps. The Justice League cartoon is easily one of the best superhero cartoons, if not superhero properties, period. Taking the base already built in from the previous three dcau cartoons, this one builds out the world and expands it , and introduced a young me to my lifelong loves of Martian Manhunter, The Flash and especailly the green lanterns with John Stewarts badass reciting of the oath easily etched in my brain. The only reason he isn’t my faviorite lantern is because mogo exists.. aka the lantern that is a living planet. 

You can see why. But yeah Jon stuck in my mind. So it’s probably no suprise that the christmas special heavily featuring all three. It’s Christmas Time and after the league stops it’s usual disaster, they head off for their usual holiday activities. Batman and Wonder Woman are missing, but it’s fine. While I love both, especailly DCAU Batman, the episode is probably better off not trying to shove them in there just for the sake of it. One of the show’s greatest strength’s was character ballance, not forcing EVERY member of the big 7 into every episode and just using whose needed and shuffling them in and out FAR BETTER than say, Ducktales. Point is this, much like being loved by anyone, was not unusual and it makes the episode tighter. Even more so since this is the ONLY half hour episode in the first two seasons, the rest are basically hour long episodes split into two parters, though still paced for being two episodes so it’s good.. and three movie length three parters for the premire, and the season finales. Fun Fact: As a kid I missed starcrossed and thus had to find out second hand, and barely at that, why hawkgirl was gone at the start of unlimited. I still have not seen it. I will correct this eventually. It was a diffrent time. 

So yeah this episode not only has a main character cast of 6, with 3 other major supporting characters, but is handily split into three amazing plot lines. The first has Green Lantern try to teach Hawkgirl how to have christmas fun by playing on a snowy world, while Hawkgirl takes him to a bar to show how she celebrates.. i.e. getting hammered and starting a fight. Nanananana, she’s gonna start a fight. It’s a fun really sweet segment, and some nice ship tease between the two.  The other two though are what make this special.. not that the first one is bad these two are just really inspiried for the characters involved: For the Flash, who in this series is both Wally and a bit of a smug quipster.. we see beneath the ego and flirting he’s really a sweet, caring guy and spends his christmas finding a toy for the orphans in this case a rapping duck. 

Not QUITE as embarassing btu close. He runs into the Ultra Humanite whose destroying the toys because he hates the comercialism and how it dumbs things down for the kids. Have I mentioned that I love the Ultra Humanite? Because I do.. the animated version. The comics version is REALLY fucking creepy but this version? He’s fucking great, an intellectual whose a formidable threat.. and honestly sympathetic. His motive here, while misguided, is well meaning and his price for selling out the injustice gang and going back to jail quitely? one of the best gags in human history. Getting PBS to say “This program was supported by viewers like you.. and the ultra humanite” He’s just awesome and i’ts a shame he never returned for unlimited. His comic version, while not BAD is just.. not NEARLY as intresting or deep and I wish the comics would have him take after this version.  And that depth shows as once he learns what was going on, he willingly helps flash and simply reprograms the duck to recite the nutcracker. It’s a really nice gesture, that flash returns by giving his foe a christmas tree. Really good stuff.  And I saved the best for last. Heading home for the holidays, Clark takes Jonn with him since otherwise he’d be stuck at the watchtower and batman was apparnetly “Begging” for duty. Granted one wonders what his surrogate dad and adopted sons think but odds are alfred would just drag them up there anyway no mater how much Dick protested. And of course Alfred has watchtower clearance, he’s alfred: he’s the only one besides Diana looking out for bruce.. and no I don’t buy the bullshit from the batman beyond comics that never happened. And Clark too, this is true... but it takes a village to get bruce to go the fuck to sleep and most of that villiage is alfred. And if your wondering “wait won’t he be in danger”... the only thing that can kill this man is apparently bane. He’s survivied earthquakes, poisonings, turning into a supervillian via radaition induced crazies, yes really, apparently dying leading to the supervillian thing, being stabbed, being shot at, having to help raise damien... my point is the guy’s been through a lot in comics, I doubt the dcau version is any less resilent and god damn I miss this old man. Salute alfred, salute.  Where was I oh yeah, Clark insists on taking John home. And it’s stuff like this why I freaking love superman. Many dismiss him as corny, unrelaistic or boring.. all untrue. Sure he’s a boyscout, but he’s meant ot resprsent the best in mankind, what we can truly be powers or no, what we can achieve and the kind of moral, kind person we can be. He’s an inspiration for us all. And this kind of act is what shows that: his response to one of his friends having nowhere to go on christmas and not having been around the holiday? Take him to his house to share in the warmth and love.  And Clark’s parents here show WHY he’s the hero he is and why I freaking love them in all flavors.. except Zack Snyder flavor and even then tha’ts only for Pa “Letting people die is the right thing to do now i’m going to throw myself into a tornado to prove that” kent. But it’s christmas so i’m not here to bitch about zack snyder and if you want that in full, you can pay for it.  My point is they show, as they should how he became the moral paragon he is: they meet a man from mars, who they’ve never met and their son just invited.. and welcmoe him without a thought. While this isnt’ their first alien obviously, and they say so, it’s still really sweet they just warmly welcome the man in and give him their surrogate daughter/their sons’ biological cousin’s room while sh’es away. Oh Kara’s away conveniently skiing with barbra. Also she lives with them in this continuity. Also maybe that’s where dick is. I dunno, but I hope so. Dickbabs for life.. depending on the continuity. I”m still dick and star for life in the titans cartoon.  Point is we get nice of sweet, and hilaroius, holiday stuff: Jonn is suprised to see this side of clark: while he’s always warm and inviting as Clark.. he can also be relaxed, enjoy the holiday and get real spirited. For one day he dosen’t have to be superman. He can just be clark. Evne superman can take a day off.. and he’s superman, he desrves one. Let Bruce and Diana take care of it after they finish marathon sex and Diana finshes with Cheetaah and Maxwell lord.  But yeah as I was saying hilarious as we find out clark used to peak and they had to, and still do, line it with lead foil to make sure he can’t peak, and Martha gives John a sweater, saying his company is all they need for a gift and when it’s a bit big he charmingly grows into it. Jonn also walks among the humans a bit and we get a great little bit of him sneaking down a chimney after hearing the thorughts of a girl whose worried santa isn’t real. It’s just all great stuff that cumilates in Jonn joyfully singing a song in his native tounge while stroking Kara’s cat Streaky.. who sadly does not have a cape or super powers in this universe. Yet. Just a really good superhero story, a damn fine christmas story and one of the best episodes of a stellar show that thankfully is still remembered in this new age of heroes. 

1. It’s Christmas You Dorks (Harvey Beaks) Yup not probably a lot of people’s first choice but fuck it. I’ve loved this one since i saw it a few years ago shorlty after the series ended, having grown far behind and caught up just as it was ending... and regretted it as Harvey Beaks is easily one of my faviorite shows from the wall to wall hit parade that was the 2010′s. It’s charming, hilaroius, heartfelt, and creative.. and really weird if not as weird as CH Greenblaht’s previous show chowder.. but still weird enough.Thankfully Big City Greens is carying the banner for this kind of show, as is Craig of the Creek, so the kind of gentle, slice of life stuff hasn’t gone away, but this show was still it’s own thing and i’m sad it’s gone.  But while it was here it was spectacular and this is one of the best of em if not the best. And naturally for a show like this it has a neat approach: The episode is dialouge free, only having some singing in the last act and that’s diagetic, the characters singing a christmas song. We’ll get to that. This isn’t the FIRST silent christmas special i’ve seen, Courage the Cowardly dog did it’s own take on the nutcracker, but it’s still the best. And given Courage the Cowardly Dog is one of my faviorite shows, that’s high praise. Each segment is charming, unique, and well done. 

As for what each are: The wraparound is a gorgeously animated bit of stop motion or something like it where the spirit of winter goes around and turns fall to winter or helps the kid with winter fun. It’s a bunch of really adorable stuff. The first proper one is the kids having a snowball fight when a bunch of asshole adults interupt, and hte kids end up getting even by hiding in some snowmen. Again just some really fun, really well done stuff.  But the first one that really makes it follows Technobear, local wannabe ladies man in training who has a crush on Harvey’s mom and fantasies about giving her some lovely read shoes and skating with her. His hopes are dashed when instead her daughter michelle, the horrifing baby child pictured above, takes them instead. But not only is it heartwarming to see the stone faced future rule of the world crack a smile, Techno instnatly realizes whats’ improtant and takes the bby ice skating.  The next segment is just some goofy googus with the squirrels, the local crooks who are also squirreels, but it’s still pretty good. We then get Jeremy trying to be santa which is both funny but genuinely heartwarming and finally the best bit as Dade, local killjoy, gets annoyed at everyone singing a popular new christmas song instead of the old standard he likes and being a dick about it before softening a bit when Harvey genuinely offers him camradere. It’s just.. good stuff that’s hard to put into words, and given putting it into words is my thing, it really speaks to just hwo good this special is. it just, makes me feel nice, and really gets the spirit of the holiday in all it’s forms. It’s gorgeously aniamted, well paced, and never stops being entertaining and that’s why it’s both my faviorite and why every year.. i’ll be coming back to little bark. And if nothing else.. it’ll keep this warm, great show alive in my heart.  So with that I end this list. If you didn’t like it tha’ts fine, this is my opinon. But I wanted to share my faviorites with you and hope you’ll check them out this or next chirstmas. Until we meet again... Merry Christmas to all,and to all a good night. 

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Macaroons

Finally got over myself and got a little bit written 4175 words in an evening is okayish. So here you get the snippet. SPOILERS (but no major ones).

Lady Argent and undecided mc, post villain reveal but nothing else. Post the post auction meeting. Coffee vice, argent flirting, no killing. 

Will eventually be filled out to a proper chapter like the other snippets I did, but enjoy!

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Argent shoots you a smirk under the brim of her hat, wide enough to shadow her face, which together with her huge glasses and soft, pink scarf make her look part rich heiress, part sixties Barbie dreamhhouse Cadillac. She looks like she's having fun, the thin coat moving to the sway of her hips, not exactly a disguise, more plausible deniability. You're having a hard time not smiling back, but your lip still stings when you do, so you lick it instead and get a laugh in return.

"Don't think you've made things up to me yet."

"I didn't." You trail half a step behind her, using her as an icebreaker, she commands attention even when she tries to avoid it which suits you just fine.

"And we are not going to do this in some sordid coffee bar." She adjusts her glasses, then picks a new direction. "Or Hoots."

"Fine by me," you agree, wondering how upscale she's planning to go. Not that you need to pay for anything, but she's still a Ranger and might have opinions about your methods to go about that. "Where are we going?"

"There," she points to an elaborately cursive sign, in French to add to the illegibility.

"A bakery?" The smell reveals it even if the sign doesn't.

"You're paying." A brief pause as she turns to you, lowering her sunglasses so you can see the reflections of her eyes. "You do have money to pay for things, right?"

"Of course I do," you say, a little insulted. You know you're not giving the most affluent impression, but you're not about to go broke from some baked goods.

"Don't make that face," she flips your nose with her fingernail, lightning quick, but not sharp enough to hurt. "I don't know how much of a villain you are."

"Not enough to abuse a neighborhood store," you rub your nose. Damn she's fast. "I do have my sights set a little bit higher."

"Good." She pauses outside the shop, giving you an expectant look. "I want a dozen mixed cupcakes, two dozen macaroons and a couple of chocolate éclairs." A short pause as she rubs her chin. "And of course whatever you're having."

"That's a tall order," you say with a straight face. "Anything else?"

"Surprise me." You get a wink and a smirk. "Maybe you'll succeed this time."

---

Once you've finished your shopping, you return to the street, bags in hand. It's a fairly sizable load, but she doesn't offer to help you carry. Not that you mind, if ordering you around for a little makes her feel better, you can take it. It's not that you feel bad for what you did, not exactly, or, well, even if you did, it wouldn't matter because you already done the deed, and it was for a good cause and water under the bridge and all that.

It's around that time during your internal monologue that you realize you are recognizing this neighborhood. You spent some time here almost a year ago, scoping out Argent's apartment, trying to learn her habits so you knew when to strike at her. You're not heading to a park or some public setting, you're heading home. To her home.

Damn. That wasn't something you had counted on, but then again Argent tends to surprise you.

"You probably already know where I live," she says, as if she was the mind reader here.

"I do," you admit. "Just not that's where you were taking me."

"It's been a long day, I am not going to sit around being gawked at. We're in this together, might as well let my hair down a little."

"Just don't expect me to return the favor anytime soon."

"Hah," she laughs, pushing the door open without using neither code nor key. Interesting. "You probably have some stinky lair in the sewer anyway."

"Hey," you protest, schooling your face into impassiveness. "That's just stereotyping."

"Really?" Another laugh." "Maybe an old factory then?"

"Is that really how you picture the other half living?" The elevator doors open once she approaches, but you can see no trace of a camera. How much surveillance is this place under? She's acting like it's safe, but can you trust that?

"Am I wrong though?"

"Not going to tell you." You step in after her, and watch the button for the top floor light up, without her pressing the button.

"I bet I'm right." You can see why Ortega likes her, they've got the same smug vibe going on.

"That's not going to work." She wants to find out where you live, that's an old tactic. Ortega used it back when you were Sidestep.

"Suit yourself." She steps out of the elevator, into what looks very much like a high security waiting room. It doesn't bother to hide it's unfriendliness, reinforced walls, no chairs, very obvious cameras and a single, blank metal door. It's such a departure from the rest of the building that you can't hide your surprise.

"Get many unfriendly visitors?"

"Some," she approaches the door, cocking her head, and it takes a moment before it slides open with a soft, metallic hiss. "It's a useful reminder."

"Reminder of what?" You look suspiciously around the room.

"Here be dragons." She gives you a wink and invites you in over the threshold.

---

You don't know what you expected Argent's apartment to look like, but it wasn't like this. It's huge, sure, high ceilings, spacious rooms, but there's a softness that takes the edge of the modernity. Nothing is white here, the coatroom a creamy yellow, with an absurdly out of place chandelier sending golden reflections playing over Argent's skin. You try not to look as you peel off your outer layer. You have more under there. She less so.

Shedding her coat, hat and shoes, she steps into the lounge, the summer dress making her skin look almost soft, or perhaps that's the reflected light from the powdery-pink walls. Is that the reason for the pastels? You can't help but wonder, but she really does give off a different impression once she's out of the hard lights of the Rangers HQ and the cold blues of her uniform.

"You're staring," she says, and you realize that you are, looking around helplessly for where to deposit your bags.

"Where's the kitchen?" you say, holding the bags up hoping she'll drop the subject.

"Over there," she says, smile turning sharp. "I guess we can be civilized and not eat right out of the bag if you want to."

"Hey, I probably live in a sewer, remember?" The kitchen is crisply turquoise and white, the fifties feel of the rounded appliances making Argent look absurdly like a housewife as she opens up the cupboard to get a tray out.

"Lucky you don't stink, or I would have tossed you in the pool."

"You have a pool?" You unpack your bounty under her watchful eyes, not sure if she's kidding or not.

"Where else would I keep my sharks?" That has to be a joke, but her smile is sharp enough to make you doubt.

"I really hope that's not true, we bought nothing for them." You keep your face straight, doing your best to read hers.

"Maybe I did." She steps closer, running a sharp finger over your breastbone, not sharp enough to cut, just enough to send shivers racing down your spine.

"I thought you already had extracted your pound of flesh." You'd like to imagine that your voice is steady.

"I told you, you still owe me." She tilts her head and licks her lips, the walls reflecting in her skin, turning her shades of sunlit water.

"There are nicer ways I can pay you back," you whisper, leaning in to kiss her, just a soft taste, still wary of teeth.

"Don't bite off more than you can chew." She kisses you back, equally softly, almost gentle in the way she nibbles your sore lip. Even when giving her the privacy of her mind, you can feel her testing her restraint.

"Are there really sharks?" you ask, running a hand up her bare arm. It's soft like sun-warm marble, not unyielding, but with less give than human skin. When you press your fingers against it you can feel the surface give a little, and she gasps into your mouth, holding still for a moment before pulling back.

"Only in my mind," she admits, looking at the arm you touched. No trace of your fingertips there, but she rubs it all the same. "I've got enough pets already."

"Really?" You look around, there's no trace of any food bowl in the kitchen, but it would feel like her to have an aquarium or something. It's a big place.

"Maybe you'll get to meet them eventually. If you behave." She shakes her head and changes the subject. "Coffee or something stronger?"

"Coffee is fine," you say, watching her as she prepares two cups. Capsule ones, high class, no fuss.

There's a quiet moment between you as the machine brews, and you keep looking around the room. Better than looking at her, and you get the feeling she feels the same. It's easier to know what to do in a fight, easier to exchange barbs and quips but the mood turned soft leaving you both unprepared.

"Get the tray," she finally says, grabbing both cups as she heads back towards the lounge. It's probably just a coincidence that her dress brushes gently against you on the way out.

Probably. There's just nothing sure about Argent, you're having a hard time reading her. Everything could have been cleared up with a brief scan, but you've promised to stay out of her head. She's projecting a quiet baseline nervousness that's at odds with her superficial confidence. Is she as bad as you are at this? How many guests have she had over? The flat is decorated to impress, but what if it's just to impress herself? It has the eclectic feel you recognize from your own first taste of freedom, but done on a Ranger budget instead of dumpster diving. Pink and gold, crystal and velvet, the marble of the coffee table, the massive television hung on one wall like a classical painting... you're not sure if you're supposed to read this as boudoir chic or romantic teen.

Unknown ground for both of you.

"So..." Argent speaks first, gesturing to the television. "You want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure," you agree, glad to have something else than conversation to focus on. "You have a bathroom around here?" It's not that you're sweaty from the walk, her place is just a little too warm. That's the only reason.

"Down the hall, first door on the left." She gestures back towards the way you came. "Don't wander, I'll know."

"Afraid I'll find your bedroom?"

"Afraid they're not gonna find your teeth once I kick your face in?"

You both share a companionable smile before you head over in that direction. That's better, more what you're used to.

As you walk, you make a mental map of what you can see of the place. Old habits die hard, and you might need to get out of here quickly one day. It's going to be hard, you're high up, and the entrance to the elevator had the feeling of an airlock. Yes. That's what's been bothering you, the faint hiss when the door opened. Is this place pressurized? Maybe. The air smells clean, maybe a little too clean. A little too quiet, but good insulation only makes sense if you're rich. The corridor continues, but you do obey an take the first door on the left, and as she said, it leads to the bathroom.

Not the master one, for sure. Too small for a flat this size, and with none of the personal touches you had been hoping for. Nothing revealing in the medicine cabinet, the towels crisp and clean as if they had never been used. Does she have a housekeeper? Probably, this place wouldn't be so spotless otherwise.

Ignoring the mirror, you take the chance to check the ventilation system. There's no windows here, but as you thought, the ventilation feels climate controlled. You wish you could put your finger on what it is that bothers you about this place, apart from the fact that you're about to watch movies with a Ranger that knows your secret identity. That's not good. That's very much not good. You splash some cold water in your face to settle your brief anxiety attack, and focus on your breathing for a moment. There's no threat here, at least not more than Argent always is, so why are all your instincts screaming at you to run? To get out when you can?

Looking up at the mirror, you finger your lip while trying to ignore your face. Why is she doing this? What does she get out of it? Nothing here makes sense, let alone you. Biting down on your lip sends a cleansing flash of pain through your system. That you can trust, That's real.

You let out a sigh and splash your face again, checking in the mirror to make sure you leave all your insecurities in the bathroom when you step back out.

No time for weakness.

"That was faster than I thought." Argent looks up from where she's rummaging through one of the bookshelves, where rows and rows of movies stand behind elegant glass doors to keep the dust out. You had thought it was books at a first glance, looks like she's taking her media consumption seriously.

"I'm saving my breakdown for later," you joke. "The coffee would get cold."

"Got the movie picked out, grab a seat." She gestures to the couch, a rounded cloud of pink velvet, just a shade more flamingo than the walls.

"Don't I get a choice?" You carefully sit down, half expecting the couch to swallow you whole, but it's firmer than you imagined it would be. Comfortable. You shove some of the decorative pillows to the side, wondering who puts sequins on something like that. Can't be comfortable.

"Nope." She pops in the disc. "You snooze you lose."

"Couldn't agree more," you say, grabbing one of her macaroons.

"Oh that's just begging for trouble," she chuckles, sliding up on the couch next to you, grabbing another one.

"Have you met me?" You crunch down on it like it was a challenge, and she just pops hers into her mouth and swallows. Damn, did she even chew?

"I have, just didn't think you were as much of an ass without your face on."

"And what do you think now?"

"Oh it's you, alright. But I have to admit you're putting up a good front with the others."

"And how do you feel about that?" You sip your coffee.

"Are you planning to put any more of them in the hospital?"

"If they get in my way." You shake your head, trying to take the edge out of your voice. "Do we need to do this right now?"

"I guess we don't..." she lets out a sigh and carefully peels a cupcake. "If you hurt them too badly, I'll stop you."

"You mean you'll try."

"Oh I haven't begun to get serious with you." You realize with a jolt that her pupils have returned, and are staring straight at you. Three in each eye, and you grit your teeth not to squirm.

"Later. We'll deal with this later, or we'll have to deal with it now and then the coffee will be cold and the the cupcakes will be ruined. You and me both know this isn't something that can last, but right now we have a truce. Right now. Let's deal with next month then."

"Deal." She relaxes slightly, but the pupils remain as she licks the frosting from the cupcake with a silvery tongue you try not to stare at. "Not gonna lie, part of me thinks this is the stupidest decision of my life."

"You're not alone in that." Your face twitches, but you force yourself to look away. Break that eye contact, it made you feel too much like you were prey. "But here we are."

"About to watch a movie." She sinks back into the couch, placing the tray between you, in easy reach. "A sappy one."

"You wouldn't dare," you say unable to stop the smile. Defuse the situation. Good. You would not want to fight her without your armor.

"Don't knock seventies romantic comedies."

"You weren't even born then."

"Neither were you." She gestures to the television and it turns on. Interesting, is it a similar interface to Dr. Mortum's? You don't see a remote anywhere. "I like them from back when there still was a Hollywood."

"Oh no, is this 'Hold for Hero'?" The opening is recognizably garish, late seventies hero flicks were notable only for their lack of taste.

"You've see it?" Her squeal is nothing but delightful.

"Part of it," you say, trying to remember. It had been running on the hotel cable back when you were holing up somewhere... "It was a long time ago, it's the one with the roller skate duel, right?"

"My favorite part," she purrs, grabbing another cupcake. "I wanted roller skates so badly after that. I was so mad I didn't get any for my birthday."

"Could buy some now," you suggest, a little more subdued. Birthdays. Yeah. That was a reminder you didn't need of the divide between you. She grew up watching old movies and getting birthday presents. You...

You remember when you saw it now. Right after you escaped from the farm the second time, you had been holed up in a motel in the middle of nowhere, the television blaring nonsense to help you keep your head quiet.

How long had you stayed there? Long enough to get your feet back under you. Long enough that even drugs couldn't keep you awake. It was only luck that kept you out of their hands, if they had found you they could have recaptured you without issue.

But they didn't.

You realize that you are cradling the empty mug hard enough to make your hands shake, but a glance over at Argent only reveals her eyes welded to the screen. There's a distant look on her face as well that has nothing to do with the softness of the movie. You know that look. Loss and bad memories.

"I'm stealing one of your éclairs," you mumble to break the tension.

"I'll kick your ass later," she mumbles back, equally soft. But her fingers brush yours when you reach for it, and she lets you get your price unmolested.

The movie is easier to focus on for both of you.

---

"I will admit, it was better than I remembered," you admit once the credits are rolling. You can be honest about that, because you weren't exactly in the best headspace last time you saw it.

"Told you." Argent sounds smug, but she's more relaxed as well, Most of the baked goods are gone, and she puts the tray back on the table. "You get to pick the genre next time."

"Not the movie?"

"No, you obviously have bad judgment."

"In many things," you admit with a chuckle. "You got any horror?"

"Have I got..." she huffs, and you can swear the hair almost burrs up like an angry cockatiel. "Yes, I've got horror, and just for that you're getting the good stuff." She pushes out of the couch, stomping over to the shelf and yanking out a movie without even looking.

"Am I supposed to be worried?"

"Only if you don't have better nerves than Ortega."

"Of course I've got better nerves than Ortega, that's not even a question."

"I knew you were going to say that. Liar."

"Prove me wrong then."

"Don't come crying to me when I do." She pops in the movie, then dims all the lights with a wave of her hand. Her skin flickers in the light of the screen as she sneaks back to the couch.

It's only when the couch has settled under her weight and the darkness is complete that you realize what has been bothering you about her apartment.

No windows.

Not a single one.

Sure, it's big, but who builds rooms with no daylight when they're meant for customers with money? There should be panoramic windows everywhere. Was there one in the kitchen? No, you don't think there were. Certainly not here, the darkness would reveal any glimpses of light. You bite back the claustrophobia, this is not a trap, you know that, intellectually. You can understand it for security reasons. No windows means no snooping. This is a fortress, not a cell, there is a difference, but you don't hold the key, do you?

Your rub your palms against your thighs, they feel itchy and damp, your unease heightened by the music. It's hard to sit still, you keep shifting, trying to suppress the need to move. Just breathe. In and out.

In the darkness, a cool hand squeezes yours, a little too hard. Argent.

She holds your hand and the feeling is a grounding one. Her fingers are solid and soft, not damp like yours, but a little slick against your skin. Slippery. She shifts a little, leaning in closer, resting her head on your shoulder. Her hair is soft where it brushes against your neck, she smells like danger and cupcakes. Does she think it's the movie that worries you?

You hope so. You can deal with that. But can you deal with this?

There's nothing soft about her when fighting, but right now she's relaxed and pliable, fitting right next to you, a compact, slick form almost invisible in the dark. You look down at your intertwined hands, no claws, blunt fingertips now, wrapped around yours, reflecting the bluish light of the screen. Someone's getting killed on it, you can hear the screams, but distant. Television never felt real to you, no psychic imprint. A picture of a murder was just a picture because there were no feelings to sense. Detached from reality. Like dead people, nothing to feel there.

Still, you feel her flinch next to you when the female lead stumbles into the water, trashing wildly to untangle herself from what grabs her from below. Empathy? Maybe, she wouldn't have so many movies if they didn't mean anything to her. So you squeeze her hand back, and rest your cheek against the top of her head.

Soft. Deceptively soft. The hair almost cut through your armor when you yanked off a few strands for testing. Testing that didn't make sense. Not yet. There's too many questions that surround her. Questions you should have answers to. She's too dangerous to be an unknown.

But she's holding your hand.

Her breath is too quick, but so is yours and someone is dying gruesomely on screen, the water red with blood. She holds her breath and you kiss the top of her head and she lets you.

The next time she tilts her head so your lips touch her forehead, and then she drags you close, noses bumping before she finds your lips.

Licking a razor. Putting the knife in your mouth when you eat, feeling it clack against your teeth. It makes sense, she's a danger but you never minded putting a blade to your throat and press down. Does she feel the same? Maybe. You've hurt her in the past, you could do it again. But she kisses you all the same, her fingers running through your hair, not cutting your skin. Not like on the screen. Every prey fights back eventually, that's the lesson of horror. Give a girl a knife and they can bring down the biggest monster. Become one herself.

You're not sure who's the monster here. Or who's holding the blade.

Maybe it doesn't matter anymore.

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Little Girls Like You

Summary: it’s little girls like you that don’t know how to keep their mouth shut unless it’s stuffed.

Pairing: Tony Stark x Black!Reader 18+

WC: 3.5k

Warnings: uuuuhh daddy kink, degradation (bc I love that shit), face slapping (bc I love that shit),  dirty talk, unprotected sex, age gap, virgin reader, cheating, basically one of those taboo adult film plots, don’t sleep with your estranged mother’s hot older boyfriend!

A/N pt. 1: I like the idea of dominant Tony so let me have my dominant Tony

A/N pt.2 : If you’re tagged please leave verbal feedback. If you like it at all please say something <3

You were far from little, you were a grown ass woman for crying out loud. But Tony, the man your mother was dating referred to you as just that, a little girl. Your relationship with your mother wasn’t the best. She was estranged with you and you knew it wouldn’t be long until she became that way with Tony.

Throughout your life you realized that your mother was too selfish to even have children and that you just popped out of nowhere, pretty much an accident. She was too invested in her career which is how your relationship with her became the way it was. It was practically nonexistent. 

But Tony, he was around more than her. He was very involved with you and he hadn’t known you that long. You came back from college and that’s when she introduced you two, after she had been dating him for seven months. You saw the way his eyes lit up when he saw you and he saw the way yours did the same. Your mother was trying to kill you with this one. Had she known you were so into older men she would have never brought him around you.

It’s been about a year since you and Tony met each other and the sexual tension between you two was intoxicating but, no one else realized it because your mom was always away for work or trapped in her office budgeting everything for her business.

You and Tony were alone often but no moves were ever made. You were scared, what move could you even make? You don’t know jack shit about making moves.

Yeah typical, the shy virgin with a crush on a guy who is literally old enough to be her father, but you couldn’t stop it. With your mother always gone and pretty much out of the picture, you wondered why Tony even stayed until one day it became clear.

———-

Your mother was out on a business trip again and Tony had just come back from work. The two of you bumped heads a lot and you sometimes would purposely annoy him just to see him irritated with you, to have him raise his voice at you.

“Y/N!” Tony called up the stairs to your room.

“Yeah?,” calling back down, watching your favorite movie and stuffing your face with chips.

“I thought I told you to do the dishes before I got back,” he came up and just burst through your door.

In nothing but a thin tank top and pink sheer bedroom shorts you covered yourself with the blanket, “Tony!!,”

“Why aren’t the dishes done?” He arches an eyebrow, he didn’t seem to care about your attire

“Because I fucking forgot. Now can you get out, I’m in the middle of the best part,”

He walked over, turned your tv off and stood in front of it with his arms crossed.

“Tony, what the hell?,”

“Watch your mouth and your tone,”

You rolled your eyes at him and got out of bed to try and push him out the way but he grabbed your arms and pushed you back down on the bed.

“I want you to go back downstairs and do the dishes like I asked you to do, Y/N,”

“I’ll do them later,” you started playing your game, intentionally disobeying him just to get a rise out of him.

“Y/N. I’m not going to ask again,” he undid his tie and snatched it from his collar.

“Well great because I’m going to say no again,”

What happens next surprises you and has your thighs clenching. He smacks you in your face and the stinging had a moan bleeding from your lips. He grabs your cheeks in his hand, squeezing them to make your face seem chubby.

“It’s little girls like you that never know how to listen. Always opening your mouth to talk back. How about I stuff it so you finally shut up and do as you’re told,”

A squeak left your lips and your eyes wide, “Smack me again,” you whimpered, “Tony, smack me again,”

He smiled at you and pushed you away from him, “Do the damn dishes and maybe I’ll think about listening to your requests,”

He slams your door and you’re left there panting and starring at the door. You stood up, your legs felt like jelly as you walked to the door and slowly walked down the steps. Tony was sitting in the living room with a beer in hand while flipping through the channels. He felt a smile creep up on his face when he heard the water running and the dishes clinking as you started washing them. You loved being a brat around him but you never thought he’d do anything about it and boy did his actions excite you. You still felt his hand making contact with your face and you zoned out while drying the dishes and ended up cutting your palm on a steak knife causing you to call out in pain. Tony stood in the door way.

“What happened?”

You held your hand on the other side of the sink and whined.

“I cut my hand,” you pouted. He walked over to you and held your wrist looking at the cut.

“Nothing we can’t patch up, sit up here,” he patted the counter top and lifted you up when he saw you struggling with only one hand to boost yourself. Tony got the first aid kit from on top of the fridge and turned on the water. He took your hand and held it under warm water.

“I told you to do the dishes, not hurt yourself,”

“I guess little girls like me gotta be more careful,”

You heard him suck in a breath before looking up at you, “Yeah, you do,” he ran a thumb over your cheek and smiled before going back to tend to your hand.

“Sorry for slapping you,” he shook his head, “You just act like such a brat and it drives me insane,”

You felt your face heat up at him calling you that. You loved to hear him call you a brat. He finished disinfecting the cut and wrapping it up and kissing the bandage.

“You’re a good girl, you just don’t like to listen,” he breathed in sharply.

You practically swooned at him calling you a good girl, you clenched your thighs but that action didn’t go unnoticed by him. He ran his hands up and down your thighs and and wet his lips with that God forsaken tongue of his.

“You just frustrate Daddy so much,”

There was no reason in trying to hold the whimpers back at this point. You looked so cute with your eyes wide and your bottom lip poked out.

“You like seeing Daddy frustrated don’t you? You like being reprimanded,” he didn’t break the eye contact, he gripped your thighs, opening them up and stepping closer. Your words got stuck in your throat and your jaw hung open not knowing what to say, you’ve never been in this position but damn you wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

“A little brat like you never been tamed is that it?”

You softly nodded your head. He smiled at you before going to smack you again, a wide smile spreading on your face and your eyes closing in contentment.

“Again.” Wrapping your legs around him absentmindedly, he did it again and you moaned loudly. “Harder please,”

The last slap had you calling out in pleasure. You’ve never been slapped like this before, who would have known you liked it so much? You loved the heat and stinging in your cheek as the blood rushed to the area.

You opened your eyes to look at him and he looked in conflict with himself.

“I can’t do this to your mother,” he muttered to himself.

“She never pays attention to you,” you run your hand down his chest, “how have you lasted so long? Why are you still here?,” You finally got the courage to speak more than a word.

“Because of you,” his tone was strong and certain, "I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t want you but dammit Y/N I can’t help it. Your mother is so wrapped up in her work that we haven't been intimate in over a year and I've been waiting for her but she's never in the mood and that’s her right but it makes me feel like she doesn't want me,”

"I want you, so have me then. You want me, I want you. Take me, Tony," your voice was so gentle and you rubbed his chin with your thumb, "I've been a brat and I- I think it's time for you to handle that, don't you think?,"

He took a minute to contemplate what was happening, and in a blur, he grabbed the back of your head to smash his lips to yours. Your grabbed his collar to pull him closer and he wrapped his hand around your throat before pushing you away from him. You looked so fucking cute to him. Though your eyes were a dark brown, he could see the way your pupils were blown. You were panting and your mouth hung open. You made Tony feel things no one has made him feel. He felt so invigorated when it came to you.

"Little girls like you need to be taught a lesson,"

He smacked you again and you couldn't help but smile. His left hand gripped your throat as the right slapped you again and again until you were bucking your hips.

"Such a slut for pain, aren't you?,"

His language was so vulgar but it only caused your core to throb even more.

"Be a good girl and answer me when I'm talking to you," his hand squeezed your throat harder as he gritted his teeth.

A gasp getting stuck in your throat with a moan you frantically nodded, "Y-yes, Daddy,"

Hearing the word finally seep from your lips he couldn't help but tear the shorts from your legs. He shook his head with a smirk when he saw the wet spot on your panties. Running a thumb up and down the seam of your crotch, your thighs shook.

"Those innocent little gasps are driving me crazy, Y/N,"

You looked up at him through your lashes and recoiled, "I'm sorry, Daddy,"

He smiled and stepped closer, running a thumb over your bottom lip, "It's okay baby, you're finally putting that mouth to good use other than mouthing back to me like a fucking brat... better yet," He grabbed you by your hair and pulled you off the counter moving you to your knees, "Time to stuff that pretty mouth of yours, then maybe you'll think twice about talking to me like you're crazy,"

With one hand he undid his belt and unzipped his pants, pulling them down and his hard on bobbing up and down right in your face. The tip leaking pre-cum, you couldn’t help but lick your lips. You smiled brightly at it, finally getting some action in your life. Tony took himself in his hands and slapped his cock on your pouted lips

"Suck it like a good girl,"

You peered up at him and were nervous, "I- I never,"

He gets a mischievous glint in his eyes as he bents over to be eye level with you.

"Stupid little girls like you just need to be taught everything don't you? Always needing direction," He laughed in your face and while in any other situation you would be offended by those words, coming from him you couldn't help but be turned on.

"Open,"

You did as told and he rested the head on your tongue, lapping up all the saliva that was there, on the head, he slowly pushed himself deeper inch by inch until he hit the back of your throat and you gagged, but he kept you there.

"Breathe through your nose," he hummed

You coughed and felt your spit thicken in the back of your throat. The weight of him felt good in your mouth and your eyes started to water, making your eyeliner and mascara run, this in turn, made Tony throw his head back in a moan.

"You look so pathetic," he smiled down at you, "It's so hot when you look like that,"

You wrapped your lips around him and stared moving back and forth with a little of his direction. With his hand tangled in your hair and him thrusting in your mouth as he leaned against the counter he looked so irresistible with his collar popped like that and his mouth hanging open. He was fucking your mouth and he loved it when you gagged on him.

"Such a good girl," he grunted.

Saliva was dripping from your mouth and black streaks ran down along your cheeks, nipples poking out in your tank top, you were straight out of a porno.

He withdrew himself from your mouth leaving you gasping and coughing. Strings of your spit on his throbbing length you just wanted to go back to sucking it. Tony lifted you back on the counter and took your panties off, admiring how wet you were,

"Jeeesus," he muttered. Running a middle finger up and down your slit you shivered at the contact.

"Guess you've never been eaten out either? No one ever broke you in?," He bit his lip as he continued to stare at your throbbing clit, glistening in your slick.

"N-no, Daddy," you leaned your head on your shoulder as you whined at the feeling of him rubbing you. He pulled a chair up and sat in it as he pulled you closer to the edge.

"Keep those pretty brown eyes on me. Close em and you'll regret it,"

Goosebumps cover your arms at the sound of his gruff voice. He leaned forward and spread your lips open and smiled, "So pink, just like a strawberry cream filled chocolate,”

He looked up at you as he dove in and started to suck on your clit, never feeling this before you had a hard time keeping your eyes on him. He was enjoying seeing you struggle though. His mouth worked on you as whimpers fell from you open mouth. You shook your head in bewilderment and wondered how something so wrong could feel so right. You shouldn't be doing this but you're too far gone to stop.

"nnnn, fuck, Daddy I-," you were cut off but him stuffing two fingers in your mouth, his ring and middle finger swirled getting them wet. He stood up and watched himself fuck your mouth with his fingers and he was entranced.

"Gonna get you nice and open for Daddy, okay?,"

You couldn't help but just nod. He withdrew his fingers and started with just the middle finger, he slowly pushed into you. The feeling was foreign as you never even fingered yourself. He twisted and thrusted slowly getting you worked up until you were begging for him to push a second one in. Once both were in you were done for. With his right hand fucking into you, he placed his left on your pelvic bone and pressed down, massaging as you could feel his fingers fucking into you. The sound of your own wetness intoxicated you.

"Look at you," he smiled in your face, "Looking all fucked out and I haven't even given you the best part. Tell me baby girl, you think you can take it?,"

You were dizzy with the feeling. You were close to cumming and you didn't know what to do. You legs started to shake and you were having trouble keeping yourself up right. He slapped you in the middle of your orgasm fit and that was the push you needed,

"Yes! Yes, Daddy I can take it, I'll be a good girl and take it!," you wheezed for air and looked up at Tony.

"Give it to me, please Daddy," you bit your lip as the tears fell from your eyes.

"You look so stupid when you cry, I love it," He planted his lips on yours as he pumped himself in his hand. The kiss was so sloppy and rushed as you pulled him closer and felt his head nudge against your entrance.

"This might not feel the best at first so I'm gonna need you to look me in my eyes so I can talk you through it okay?," He caressed your cheek and looked at you as he used your juices to get his head slick. He slowly pushed into you and you waited for the pain to hit but it didn't really come, it was just an uncomfortable pressure from something big and foreign from being inside of you. You grunted at the slight discomfort and he slowly rocked his hips back and forth while rubbing your clit. Talking you through it to make it as pleasurable as possible. The attention your clit was getting easily took away the discomfort and you started whining for more.

"More, please," you whispered as you stared back into his eyes, "Give me more, Daddy please," you buck your hips and he smiled at you before pulling out and snapping his hips back into you. You call out in a mixture of pain and pleasure and that's the begging on your end.

Tony was pounding into you relentlessly, not caring if you weren't used to this, you would be used to it now and only for him.

"Fuck, you're so deep Daddy," grabbing at the hair at the nape of his neck your eyes rolled into the back of your head

"Yeeaah," he wrapped his right hand around your throat before placing his left on your lower stomach, "You like feeling Daddy all the way up in your tummy, baby? Like that?," He pushed down at the spot and you could feel him nice and deep. "How's it feel to have me all up in your virgin pussy? Saved this all for me didn't you?,"

You threw your head back as you reclined on your elbows against the counter.

"This is what good girls get when they listen and don't talk back. You gonna be a good girl or are you gonna continue to be a stupid brat like you have been?," He pushed your tank top about your breasts, leaning down to litter your skin with kisses and bites.

You were dazed, you didn't answer which resulted in a slap to your clit, jolting you back into reality, "You're already off to a bad start, baby. Answer Daddy," he was speaking to you so condescendingly and it only pushed you closer to cumming again.

"Yes, Daddy I'll be a good girl. I'll be a good girl just for you!," The pleasure was turning you inside out as you cried.

He wiped the tears to make a clean canvas for the painful yet pleasurable slap he delivered.

"You're gonna make me cum, baby," He hummed.

Your walls tightened at his words, throbbing to feel him cum for you and because of you.

"Gonna paint those pretty pink walls nice and white. You like the sound of that?,"

You got the strength to sit up and stare him dead in his eyes, "Do it, Daddy. Cum for me,"

He rubbed your clit faster and fucked you harder. You raised your legs to your chest and he rolled his hips to hit deep in you causing you to choke on air.

"Look at you. So pretty and spread open all for me. Your sobbing is so cute, knowing you're crying for this dick because it feels so good,"

Your back arched off the counter top as you moaned out and trembled, your hips involuntarily thrusting up. Your walls pulsed against him as you came again.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," he grunted, his eyes screwed shut. You tiredly rubbed his cheeked and coaxed him through it.

"Cum for me, Daddy. Cum for your good girl,"

You sounded so fucked out it made Tony weak. He gave one hard thrust and came deep inside you, causing you to moan at the warm feeling. He jutted as the ripples died down and he rested his head on your chest, kissing your breasts and licking your sore nipples.

"Fuck," you laughed out and sit up the best you could. He supported you against him as he stood up all the way. He kissed along your neck and whispered in your ear.

"Daddy's so proud of you,"

You felt the heat rush to your face once again as he kept the act up.

"I'm gonna carry you upstairs, clean you up and take care of you, okay baby?," He ran his thumb on your sides and you shivered in his grip.

"Yes. Thank you, Daddy," you kissed his cheek and whined as he finally withdrew from you. A sloppy squelch sounding threw the kitchen as his cum ran down your lips.

"Don't worry about that, we have plan B stocked under the sink in my bathroom for emergencies. Though this wasn't the emergency I imagined, it couldn't come in handy any more than now,"

-------------

WHEW! okay, I hope you guys enjoyed this because I enjoyed visualizing it! Please let me know what you think and remember requests and tags are open!

If your tag has a slash through it, it didn’t work

Tags: @sideeffectsofyou @chonisberonica @majikmelanin @babybubastis @fir3flies-light-up-my-sky @ineedmorefanfics @chanchi12 @brownbuble @thevanishedillusion @purplekitten30 @tinylaura @pride-sarcasm-and-pizza @scarletsoldierrr

[1-800-seo]

— 1-800-SEO'𝗌 ᯽ '𝖶𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝖯𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇' —

— 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀: 𝗃𝖺𝖾𝗁𝗒𝗎𝗇 𝗑 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

— 𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖾: 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿/𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖼𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗄𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗒

— 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌: 1810

— 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗝𝗮𝗲𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗮 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘃𝗹𝗼𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝘆 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂

— 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌: 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝖺𝗅𝖼𝗈𝗁𝗈𝗅/𝗋𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖴 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖴𝗇𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌𝖺𝗅 𝗈𝗋 𝖦 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖦𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗅

The familiar ping sound of a new email in your inbox reassures you that you *are* an actual administrative assistant that works in an office and you most likely shouldn’t be ogling the hot guy in the adjacent office building. Considering it’s your first week, it’s not exactly how you’d like to be caught not doing your work if you had to be. You’d started that week as administrative assistant to the executive manager of New Calibre Telecommunications, or NCT for short. He was a slim nice-enough young man named Lee Taeyong; you were in charge of writing or transcribing his letters/emails, making travel arrangements, computing and preparing expense reports and creating department budgets. Just two weeks earlier when you’d said you’d got the job to your brother he’d called you an over-glorified and well endowed personal assistant, and you guess you could say he was right.

This all brought you back to the email that was now sitting in your inbox, one minute old and unopened. Its sender was a Jung Jaehyun, a name you’d never heard before but supposed it was nothing new since you, your self, were new.

You opened it and inside was not the general corporate jargon you expected. Upon your screen was a blank video thumbnail and it’s relative play button, a url link, and a message below it. It read: “For Jeffery who loses everything and who must remember to back up his hard drive.” It also featured a few casual excessive emojis that your computer only registered as a small question mark box, because of course it didn’t register emojis.

You pondered clicking on the play button but decided against it, instead clicking on the url link that was oh so tempting. Upon clicking on it you were swiftly redirected to YouTube.com, you rolled your eyes expecting a rick roll, when in actuality what seemed to be a vlog appeared. The title was “Daily Jaehyun: Post-hotel-hopping Wind Down ⛩✨” Curiosity overtook you and you clicked play, you knew you shouldn’t be doing this in work hours, however a few seconds couldn’t hurt. A smooth and tanned skinned young man lay on a bed in the middle of a hotel room. He had on shorts that were probably too short and no top. His torso was obscured by the blanket but you could still make out his taut muscles underneath the fabric. His hair looks soft and gently rests on his face as he lies horizontally. Next cut is to a glass cup of pink coloured tea and a spoon swirling around the edges. He cuts to him taking a gentle sip and then he pushes some hair out of his dark amber eyes. You hear footsteps in your peripheral and X off the tab. Just in time before the new intern, a somehow harsh looking baby faced girl named Yeji, places a pile of papers on your desk and leaves. A close call.

And so your day goes on like normal... except you can’t get those damn 25 seconds of a certain video out of your head. His gentle face remains seared into your brain. The brand of soft visuals and taut muscles. The contrast of his sharp jawline and the pink tea. The colour matched his gently blushed cheeks, the rose flush that dusted over his honey skin.

And so you went home and couldn’t get him out of your head. You lay awake seeing the image of him sprawled across the hotel king bed, replaying it and relaying it to yourself. You resolved you had to do something, whether that be finish the video or speak to this Jaehyun.

And so, the next day you set about that task. You opened up that email for the second time, this time hovering over the sender’s information. It revealed to you many interesting things. A few of those being that the sender, Jung Jaehyun, sent it from a pc on floor 9, and that pc is located in office 34G, which is part of managerial.

Well now you know this information all you had to do was go visit that specific office in the hopes of a findings. A lingering question stuck out, who is Jeffery? And why was he sending his vlog to him? Of course you have to inform the sender that he sent it to the the wrong person and you definitely didn’t just email him this because you definitely don’t want to see his face, *definitely not*.

You leave your desk and make your way to the lift. Stepping inside, you squish yourself as far back to the wall as possible as fellow office workers pile in. It’s all a bit too close for comfort when you are saved by the bell, or in this case the automated voice saying “Floor 9, Doors Opening.” Everyone removes themselves from the lift and you straighten out your work outfit. Thank goodness you ironed your pencil skirt this morning, never knew you’d be meeting a YouTuber; and possibly a hot one at that.

You make your way to office 34G, dodging past colleagues in the marketing sector. You spot a guy in the closest desk you know as the infamous ‘Ten’, chugging a brown liquid in a vodka bottle you *really* hope is coffee and nothing else.

You approach the needed door and knock firmly twice. Your palms start to sweat and you rub it off on your skirt. A smooth voice calls “come in” and you make your way through the door. A familiar pair of eyes meet your gaze and you begin to wonder if this was a good idea after all. After a small nervous cough you begin, “Sorry to interrupt, I’m ____ ____ from floor 8, I’m administrative assistant to Mr Lee. I received an email yesterday around 2pm and it was rather,” you look at the floor and shuffle your feet, “private. I believe it was for someone else. I came here to let you know.” You attempt to make eye contact but his gaze is a tad intense. You try your best to keep your eyes trained on his brown irises and not the expensive looking navy suit he’s wearing. “Ahh my greatest apologies, I’m sorry for any inconvenience. May I ask what was contained in the email? I send out a lot so I’m not too sure as to what it was regarding.” He lets out a low chuckle.

“Umm it contained a video and a short message, if that’s any help.” You try not to let on you watched it, let alone read it, but the blush creeping up your face probably says too much.

The man you identify as Jaehyun let’s out a startled cough and sits bolt upright in his chair. “It wasn’t anything, umm” he runs a hand through his hair, “obscene.. was it?”

A gasp escapes your lips, a breath you must of been holding in that you didn’t realise you were. “Oh no, not at all! You drank some tea in it and that’s all I saw. I’m greatly sorry for invading your privacy, sir. Please forgive me I’ll be leaving now.” You turn to face the door. What had he been sending? That’s none of your business... however you wouldn’t mind maybe getting to see those muscles again... you clear you’re thinking and press down the door handle.

“**Stop**, before you leave, you at least need to let me explain, and make it up to you some how, I’m the one who has put you in this situation, I’m the one who needs to make amends.” A commanding voice calls out. By the time you turn around he’s stood up and has one hand in a pocket and one on his desk. He looks to be in thought, or troubled.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds or looks I swear.” When he says this he doesn’t sound so composed like he has the rest of the time. “Please, have a seat so I can fix this mess.”

“I don’t know, sir, I have already caused enough interruption.” You mumble out.

“Nonsense, have a seat and all will become clear; I’ll ease your thoughts for you as I’m sure you’re curious.” You cautiously take a seat and look up into his hazelnut eyes.

“Basically, I have a YouTube channel as you might have guessed. I’ve tried to keep it a secret for as long as possible since I don’t really want it getting out. It’d only be fuel for my cheeky tormentors who go by Doyoung and Ten. When I finalise a video, I send it to my work computer since it has more space and let it post on there. However I must’ve accidentally sent it through to yours instead. I believe you’re from floor 8, right? Well, I believe I typed in the computer location code wrong and it sent it to yours instead. I should of typed F9 instead of F8 like I must’ve done. By the way, none of my videos are dodgy on there, it’s just travel vlogs and general ramblings so don’t be too worried.” He closes with a nervous laugh and scratch of the temple. He turns to look at you in the eye, most likely expecting an answer.

“Ahh I see now. Well that clears up a hell of a lot. I do have one question though, if you don’t mind me asking...” you twist a piece of hair round your index finger. “No, go ahead, you already know my big secret what more could you ask anyway.” He lets out a soft laugh and his eyes crinkle.

“Ok. So, not to be rude but, who’s Jeffery?” You pose the question that has boggled you for around 24 hours. You’re met with laughter and an embarrassed face palm. “Well... I can tell you that it is just a silly nickname.” He uncovers his face and you see a sickly sweet smile. “A long time friend of mine, Johnny, jokingly named me that during our college days in the frat houses. It was a wild time.” He relates whilst reminiscing, more than slightly embarrassed.

“Oh ok, that clears up even more, sooo that makes sense, the email was addressed to yourself. I got it now.” You let out a giggle, “You’ve finally solved the puzzle! Can I give you a prize?” He unexpectedly says.

“A prize? What do you mean?“

“Well I’ve put you through a bit too much and I want to make it up to you. How about I take you for lunch this afternoon? Would that be ok?” He gently says, hands clasped.

“I’d love that. As long as I get to hear more crazy stories.”

“Of course, the tales are complimentary, the company is what you pay for.” He jokes, a smile creeping up his face.