#just gonna draw something for every song its in my blood

[t3ooc]

WATCH OUT, YOU MIGHT GET WHAT YOU’RE AFTER

[lunarmoves]

for evermore

summary: you laugh—loud and carefree—and they have never wished so desperately before to be human. if only to love you for the rest of their life.

pairing: DCA sun/moon/eclipse x reader

mentions: gender neutral reader, possessive (obsessive) behavior, ruminations of a robot, dark thoughts ahead tbh (human mortality, fragility, death), oblivious reader if u squint, non-sexual intimacy, forehead kisses, mentions of blood and gore, moon is glitch'd, sun too tbh but its more subtle, sun's pov is like. sm lighter and then moon's is right out of an mcr song, unreliable narrator

a/n: this fic is inspired by @bamsara's iconic solar lunacy. sun&moon in this are very much deeply, irrevocably in love with u, but! when taken from the reader's pov, u can interpret that as you like! hope yall enjoy my silly little 4 am thoughts LMAO hope they make sense

word count: 2k

ao3 link

One of the kids has a bit of a crush on you. 

It’s cute, really. Sun watches the way little Riley holds out a drawing to you—two stick figures holding hands together in a field of flowers colored lavender and cerulean. It’s clear that it’s supposed to be you and Riley, both of you happy as can be. You smile as you take the drawing, admiring the care Riley put into every stroke of their crayons. 

“It’s us!” Riley says proudly, tiny fingers gripping onto your arm that holds the paper. Bright eyes look up eagerly at you for your reaction. “Do you like it?” 

“I love it!” you reply with all the care and adoration you can muster into your voice. Your free hand reaches over to smooth down the hair on Riley’s head. “Oh, you’re so talented! Look how cute we are!” 

Riley beams, bright and happy, and Sun thinks it’s so wonderful that you’re able to get along well with the kids. He twirls a crayon around in his hand, idly spinning it across metal joints and silicon, then returns to doodling across the paper in front of him. Long limbs have pretzeled their way into sitting at one of the kid’s tables not too far from your own. 

“When I grow up,” Riley continues in a steadfast voice, “I’m gonna marry you. And we’ll get a biiiiig house with lotsa puppies! And kitties!” 

“Lotsa puppies and kitties, huh?” you ask as you set the drawing down on the table and pull Riley closer so you can set them on your lap. You pinch at their chubby little cheek. “You ready for that much responsibility, squirt?” 

Riley nods. Sun rests his chin on his palm, propped up on one of his legs. The hand holding his crayon continues to doodle. “Yeah! We’re gonna feed ‘em, and we’re gonna walk ‘em, and dress ‘em up!” 

You hum out a response, but by then Sun is lost in his thoughts. It’s cute, he tells himself again, gaze not really seeing what’s before him as he glances at you and Riley. Humans and their little dreams. Their bonds and their emotions. The freedom they hold within their grasps. Silly, silly humans. Silly, silly, silly.

Sun looks down at his drawing. You and him, standing in front of a little house. Free as can be to live under a bright blue sky with puffy, cotton-candy clouds. He wonders what that is like. To live with someone so closely. Being there when they wake up and when they fall asleep. Seeing them at their highs and their lows. He wonders if that is even feasible, for someone like him. The freedom he dreams about rests just beyond the tips of his artificial fingers. He tilts his head to the side and releases the tight grip he has on his crayon. 

Silly robot, he thinks to himself.

Then, he folds up the drawing and stuffs it into his pocket. 

The pizzaplex, above all else, is a cold place. 

Sun knows its lights are too bright and its colors too jarring at times. It’s something he has grown used to—the only thing he has ever known, really. He is not exposed to much, with how limited his boundaries are and how restrictive the access he has to the internet is. You give him new things to ponder about. You blow away the coldness like it’s nothing. And he thinks the warmth you bring along with you is something he has perhaps always craved, deep inside. Him, modeled after the sun. Ironic, he thinks. 

You play around with the children as he tends to a checkout by the door. It’s quick work, it usually is, and he gives his regular old smile to the parents who pick up their kids and press kisses to their scrunched up little faces in greeting. 

What a concept—kissing, that is. An action done by humans to express some of their pesky little emotions. He waves away the parents and closes the door, white gaze falling on you as you laugh while you chase a few kids around. The daycare was what introduced him to all the idiosyncrasies humans have—it is the only form of contact he has with people. And it is the only way he really learns about certain things he wouldn’t have known about otherwise. 

He thinks back to Riley. He thinks about the rings he sees on humans’ fingers and the terms of endearment they call each other. He watches you spin around and lunge after another giggling kid who squeals and barely evades your grasp. You laugh—loud and carefree—then make eye contact with him for a split second. And Sun feels something strange in his chassis. Something that lights his insides on fire and makes his wires buzz in fervor. Maybe this is the warmth he’s meant to hold—that he is meant to be. His rays do a little spin. 

Then Sun does what he does best. He swoops in, snatching you up from the ground and yelling out something-or-other about kidnapping you for his very evil, very nefarious plans. All in a day’s work, at the daycare. You smile up at him—so small, so tiny in his hold—and he thinks he wouldn’t mind seeing it again and again and again. 

Moon thinks about the stars often. 

He wonders what they look like, if they match the designs that dot his hat and pants. He thinks about you, standing under the night sky. Do you like the stars you see? Do you come to the daycare and compare the artificial ones plastered to the ceiling to the ones you experience every night? Moon doesn’t know if it is enough—if it will ever be enough.

He glides around the daycare on his cable, keeping a watchful eye on the slumbering kids below. You had been subjected to Riley’s grabby hands as they refused to go down without you by their side. So now you lay next to them, idly stroking their hair as they suckle on their thumb and snooze close to your chest. 

Trapped now, he’d told you when he saw Riley latched onto your leg earlier. Bedtime for you. And you simply gave him a defeated smile and caved to the whims of the child. 

Moon ponders about what that must be like—laying so close to another. Would you be as comfortable with him—with his body made of unyielding metal? Would you let him soothe you to sleep with the music box in his chest chiming out a gentle song that would waft through the air? Or maybe you would prefer another human. Hmm, another.

He remembers the kiss you had pressed to Riley’s forehead at their insistence and his fingers reach up to rub thoughtfully at his own. Pesky little emotions. His red gaze always finds itself trailing back to you, lingering on your form through the rest of naptime. And when the lights flick back on, he thinks that his time with you is always too short for him to bear. 

It’s the middle of the night, long after you’ve gone home, and Moon stands in front of an arcade machine that’s turned off. He stares at his reflection in the dark screen, fuzzy red eyes lighting the space up in a hellish glow. One of his hands passes across his mouth smoothly—the sharp teeth that make up his grin. And he thinks back to the parents kissing their children on the cheeks. He thinks about all the ‘sweetheart’s, and the ‘baby’s, and the ‘love’s. He thinks about you. 

Moon wonders what it would be like to be human. 

To just—feel everything, all the time. To hear his heart pounding in his chest. He doesn’t have a heart—never will—but he wonders what it would be like to have one. He’d give you his heart without batting an eye, he thinks. Would you do the same for him?

He ruminates on what it would be like to hold your hand. To feel the plushness of your skin against the firmness of his metal. To look and see the difference between the two. Unnatural, he frowns. Disconnected. Two puzzle pieces that don’t fit together—not in the way he would like. He doesn’t belong to you and the thought strikes him hard enough to frazzle his wires. He imagines you with someone better suited that can live with you, grow old with you. Someone that is not him—not like him, broken and robotic as he is. 

And Moon wonders if this is what it feels like to die. To have the wires ripped from his body and turned into dust. Something nasty festers itself in his hardware, sears through him like a vicious piece of malware.

He stares down at his hands, fingers slim and painted blue. And he sees them doused in ruby red. He wonders what it is like to have it running through tiny, tiny veins. So fragile. He wonders what it is like to hold your skin between his fingers and feel it rip into shreds. His grin tightens and he shakes his head minutely. He looks back up at his reflection and a gleam of purple flashes across his pupils before he seizes it and locks it away.

Eclipse stands in the middle of an empty daycare and watches as you enter through the large, castle doors. 

It’s you, you’re here. They missed you so much, you were gone for so long you were gone for so, so long. But you’re here, and you’re safe, and you’re you.

You freeze when you notice them—looking at you with a too wide smile and too sharp teeth. Their head tilts at you and before they can even process their actions, they’ve already taken several long strides up to your form. Because you’re here, with them, so close they can touch you.

You’re looking up at them with an expression they can’t quite decipher. But they know it must be adoration! It has to be, it must be, what else would it be? And they lean down and reach out two of their hands to grasp at your smaller shoulders. They can feel your heart beating through their fingers.

“I love you!” Eclipse chimes out, hunkered down over your smaller figure. Casting you in their deep, deep shadow. And then they curl down to press the gleaming metal of their grin against your forehead. Again and again and again. I love you I love you I love you so much it hurts what are you doing to us don’t you know this hurts? You smile (you’re smiling, right? You have to be!) at them—confused, sincere maybe—your fingers balled into fists. And Eclipse thinks that if they were to dig through their software, through lines and lines of code, they’d find a little version of you there. Infecting them—constantly there with your kindness and your adoration. Their grin twitches, their eyes upturn. “Marry me!”

You say nothing, only look up at them, but that’s okay! That’s okay, it’s okay it’s okay, right? They are bubbling and boiling alive with the fire that runs through their wires. And they have never wished so desperately before to be human. So they can be with you—outside, under the stars, under the sun the real sun—and hold you, and treasure you until the end of time until you both die.

They think about you and them, standing in front of a little house in a field of lavender and cerulean flowers. They think about waking up with you and going to sleep with you. They think about the softness of your skin and the brightness of your smile. The blood in your veins that can so easily spill over their fingers. 

And they know they are not human. They know you will grow old and you will inevitably move on—leaving them for a place they cannot reach. 

But still, they think, they will love you until the end of your life. And until the end of theirs.

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

these should all have one place, instead of being a whole lot of rbs and individual posts, so.

Sage, during the season break earlier this year, compiled a list of (nearly) every wacked thing (and every little thing said that was *definitely* (probably) a character thing and not a cc!sherb/irl!sherb thing) during the streams between the break! Notes in parentheses beginning with 'future sage' were written like. ten minutes ago while I was looking back at these. anyway-

everything is under the cut bc this shit *long*

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM SHERBERT STREAM "Talking about the finale! and pirate fest!"]

- Yellow light background

- Blue Eye

- Beginnings of blood under said blue eye

- Blue eye/Blood is opposite to C!Sherbert's. (So, rather than being on the right, it's on the left)

- Faint-Faint Scar akin to C!Sherbert's one from S1

- Talking about potions/making potions IRL

- Referring to C!Sherbert's desk as "My Desk"

- Facecam border changed, Now White and Yellow

- Saying that they didn't do anything to the portal

- Trying to remember what the portal + Haley looked like

- "I'm pretty sure this is the same thing that showed up when I was at Haley's grave when I ran away, But I don't really remember."

- "I wasn't really looking at pants"

- "No idea what was going on with shoes, didn't really look."

- "I'm pretty sure you're on my screen," didn't quite exactly catch what they said, but they then asked if we could have been objects, or something along the lines- (Did conform that we *were* on the screen. And not in fact objects.)

- "What shoes were you wearing?" Sherbert to Haley, Haley then asking "Where?", Sherbert then going "When you came out if the portal?"

- Sherbert acting as though this is the first/one of the first time their hearing Syndicate ("I don't know why I know this song so well")

- Seemingly forgeting that they did a cover of Syndicate ("You did a cover of it. Oh, Yeah! I did.")

- "No I'm pretty sure that's a Q," not knowing how we got a bleeding eye from that

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM CENTROSS' STREAM "Mermaid times!!!!!"]

- Blood is more obvious, further down their face (More akin to C!Sherbert's blood drips than they were earlier, only more faint and smaller)

- "you still have blood on your face" "Yeah it's kinda been there, not gonna lie" "it just doesn't leave" (Centross and Sherb talking about the blood. While not necessarily a wack thing - we know its bleeding - its definitely a little thing to point out)

- "I don't remember most things, actually," Centross then tells them how weird that is, and how he feels to constantly re-tell them things. ("It's weird, It's like I have to re-tell you everything")

- "I went to school, it was weird, wasn't used to that one."

- "Rae put us in box," when questioned on 'Rae' (Because Centross was on Mer, So it would've been Theo), "Yeah, Rae." (Rather set on it being Rae and not Theo.)

- (Don't know when this Happened) Chat asked about Sherbert's Blue Eye and what was up with it, and Centross then responded "What do you mean? That's their normal eye."

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM HEYHAY STREAM "Fable SMP Build Tour!!"]

- During when Heyhay is showing off the burned old Ominous Bane base, Sherbert (In chat) say "yeah I burned it after everything" which. once again talking about C!Sherbert in the first person as though they *are* C!Sherbert

- When Heyhay shows off Perix's lab, Sherbert (In chat, again) says "oh so thats what those looked like," referring to the big brewing stands. this is despite the fact that Rae drew C!Sherbert a picture of them, and gave it to C!Sherbert. (Tho, Could be in reference to the materials.) [A very in character thing to say.]

- In response to a question about that (I couldn't watch the stream live, to look at chat, and heyhay doesn't put the chat up, so I don't know what the question was-), Sherbert responds, "well i never went to the alchemy lab so-" again, despite Rae drawing them a picture and givving it to them (Again, could ve in reference to material) [Also again, Very in-character thing to say. Using 'I' in reference to C!Sherbert.]

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM SHERBERT STREAM "IT'S CRAB TIME"]

- Blood seems to have decreased since Centross' stream where it was further down. Either that or it's extra-extra faint and was just more noticeable in Centross' stream.

- The faint Scar that was there previously is no longer there

- Few Minutes In, right when they open minecaft, The Background light changes from yellow to green. (Presumably connected to the fact that Krit's not bleeding eye is Green and/or the Rave room)

- Among us are not yellow and purple, Now Orange and Green (Also corresponding to Krit's eye colors)

- Kirt acknowledging things IRL. Specifically the Among Us, and saying how 'They've always been those colors' [Put In this list because while *in* character (I think. They seemed in character) they most definitely acknowledged things IRL]

- After they leave Minecraft, Light changes back to yellow.

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM SHERBERT STREAM "WE'RE GOING TO THE NETHER"]

- Blood still really faint, but going a little further down their face that last stream (Though, it is to be noted that it is not as far down as in Centross' stream the other day)

- Among us are orange and white (? Could be light blue. very hard to tell with the lighting)

- The maniquine that holds C!Sherbert's coat, goggles, and scarf (the one that hangs on their belt) is now infront of CC!Sherbert's Non-Binary flag.

- Few Minutes In, once they open minecaft, the light in the background changes to purple. (Seems to be the usual (before the whole irl lore stuff) shade)

- "I geuss I cosplayed me a bit ago-"

- They care a lot about *this* hardcore world (Could Jist be Hardcore Lore, Could Be CCC! Lore. Don't know which one.)

- A Jack Stauber song started playing (C!Sherbert canonically only listens to Jack Stauber)

- Syndicate started playing after, They got excited about it

- *Another* Jack Stauber song. (Outside of this, Music seems to be going through its normal rotation)

- A fucking 'nother one- (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- ...Another one. We are on. #4 I do believe. (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "Why do I know this music-?" (They say, lipsinking and dancing like they *know* the music)

- ....#5 now. (Another Jack Stauber song started playing. Though this one was significantly shorter than the rest.)

- A soul shrine showed up in hardcore, when going to look at it, the Nether star had a message in Quixian presumably connecting to the whole IRL lore stuff going on (Tranlation - ⏁⏅ṽ⏇⏅ ⍉⍔⍉ ⍒⌭√ ⌭⍭, UHZKH GLG BRX RJ, (Shift 4 Backward) REWHE DID YOU OG, WHERE DID YOU GO)

- *Another* (#6) Jack Stauber song started playing (It also ran shorter)

- Another (#7) Jack Stauber song started playing (Whole song plays through)

- Another (#8) Jack Stauber song started playing (Whole thing plays through)

- After they close minecaft, light changes back to yellow/white

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FABLE SMP S2 CAST QNA!"]

- Their Pride flags swapped (They're on the opposite sides)

- Sherbert doesn't introduce their character ('I'm Sherbert and I use They/Them pronouns' when questioned, 'Nothing else')

- Characters glitching on the couch (Haley glitching to late s2, and Chaos glitching to a ghost) [Stays that way for the rest of the stream.]

- "A bunch of you started drawing me with wing ears cause I want to be birb." (Once again referring to C!Sherbert in the first person.)

- Everytime Sherbert's answered so far, it's gone back an forth between 3rd and 1st person.

- "It's a weird memory feeling" (And then Centross going "Yeah?")

- When they said their favorite god was Quixis, their light started to change rainbow. They did go back to white/yellow after.

- "Uh. Me." (Seemed very unsure, did not elaborate.)

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "MESSING AROUND IN THE 1.20 SNAPSHOT!"]

-Blood is still faint, but further down their face

- Maniquine (The one with C!Sherbert's fit) is gone from frame

- They open minecaft, light doesn't change

- Among Us are white and red

- Wack Music #1 (A Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Music #2 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Music #3 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "It's *my* music, nice." (The only music C!Sherbert listens to is Jack Stauber. Presumably this is why CCC!Sherbert refers to it as "My Music," once again referring to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- Searching up "NETH", really quietly they went, "Netherum?"

- Wack Music #4 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "I love these songs, they're my songs. I listen to them all the time."

- "Which look most like my converse?" (Refering to C!Sherbert's Yellow/Purple converse as 'my converse')

- "I can make my armor at some point" (Referring to C!Sherbert's armor in 1st person)

- Wack Music #5 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Music #6 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Sherbert going "Don't take this as Canon" when trying to remember their wings name. (Implying the rest of this whole bit *is*)

- Wack Music #7 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "I won't lie, my favorite flower is a blue orchid, but it may change to this."

- Wack Music #8 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Song #9 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing. This one ran shorter.)

- "Rae is gonna- Rae is gonna ascend." (Talking about the new bookshelves.)

- "Rae is gonna love these. I gotta make him some whenever I- whenever I see him again." (Again, talking about the new bookshelves.)

- "I've never speedrun before." "I've only been to the end once." "I have no idea what I'm doing."

- "It's been a long time since I've had to, I dunno, start over."

- "It's been about a year or so." (Season 2 of Fable went on for about a year before the finale.)

- "I don’t know I’ve never done this before"

- "I guess I killed the dragon that one time but I don’t know."

- "I am birb, I got my little wing ears and everything"

- "Yeah, I'll be used to the thunder, I'm not worried about that."

- "'Funky eyes,' I already have a funky eye, i cant handle more."

- "I am not used to being in a new world, kinda forgot this was a thing."

- "I guess if Momboo’s not here then it won’t rain, huh."

- "Always thunder is a lie. I geuss Momboos not here to do that, so I guess that's fine."

- "We gotta go to the moon again."(Refering to the time they played portal. (Portal!Sherbert))

- "'Turn yourself into a warden,' Uh, that's trauma."

- "I guess we're going to the moon again. I wasn't on the moon for a very long time last time, but i definitely was up there." (Portal!Sherbert)

- Sherbert seems a tad stressed (While trying to get to the moon.)

- "Last time I was here I was just kinda getting rid of a robot." (Portal!Sherbert)

- "Well I guess the dude I left up here is doing pretty good for himself." (Portal!Sherbert)

- "Honestly not the weirdest thing that has happened to me. I wont lie, I've had way weirder things happen to me. Objectively. "

- "Giant warden? But this is just going to give me trauma."

- "I got to go to the moon again." (Portal!Sherbert)

- Goes to sleep at the end, same way they end lore.

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "THIS GAME MIGHT MAKE ME CRY"]

- Blood a little further down their face

- Blood around their eye a little darker

- Scar (C!Sherbert's scar) is back

- When asked what crimes they commited, they listed some thing that C!Sherbert did.

- "Jerold where are you? I thought you left me too..." (..so many things. So many things about that sentence.)

- "At least this box is grey, i think I would be a lot worse if I was in another one of the black boxes." "'No obby.' Yeah, exactly."

- "How long is my sentence I’m not necessarily saying I want to get out."

- "I've spent time in boxes before."

- "Might rip up my clothes a little, but it's okay."

- "At least I have something to do in prison this time."

- "You know. This isn't - This isn't to far off from my communicatior.."

- "'Are things talking to right now?' I mean, sure, yeah. I'm in a prison, not sure how else you would be talking to me."

- "'Charles did it,' Yeah, probably."

- They sound nervous. Very akin to how C!Sherbert sounded when they got put in the prison

- Light Blue and Green/Lime Among us.

- "You don’t have to spend your money on games, I’m okay."

- "I've done this before."

- "Do I get out ever?"

- "Atleast not in the ones I've been in, isn't there supposed to be an outside area?"

- "I'd like to get out I probably have some people I'd like to see, maybe… Maybe…"

-"'You remember the prison?' Yeah I remember a lot of things."

-"I'm pretty sure I have people waiting for me on the outside."

-"'Time seems to go slower when in prison,' Yeah. Something like that."

-"Is that an eye? Ugh….Illuminati confirmed."

- "I'm sure they don't want my eye."

- "'What's you eye doing?' Bleeding like always."

- "You know, my communicatior didn't have games."

- "Me and a significant amount of objects that can speak-"

- "I've done things in the past, but I'm pretty sure in the past - 8 days, not the ones in here, i havent done anything that warrents prison." (The finale was 8 days ago.)

- "'Another almost happy ending.' Yeah."

- When Sherb closes the game, they sorta do their thing they do at the end of lore. (You know what I'm talking about-)

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "ADVENTURE FOR THE LIL CRAB GUY"]

- Blood seems a tad darker

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is still there

- Among Us are Red and Orange (Differing from the last time they were on Mer - Which was Orange and Green.)

- They opened minecaft and the light changed to lime green

- "'What happened to the purple and yellow Among uss?' These are the Among Us? This is what they've always been."

- Krit finds an emerald with Quixian written on it, Translates to 'MAYBE THIS ONE?' (Ψ⦚⍔⏚⏅ ṽ⌗⌘⏄ ⍕⍔⌮ - FILTH ZAOP ULV - YBEMA STHI NEO - MAYBE THIS ONE) Presumably Quixis attempting to figure out where Sherbert went after they went through the portal. (Though, if they are in charge of the Rave-Room, presumably they do know where the portals go, and would know that they didn't go through the one to Mer after tye Fable one went out.)

- Centross walks into their room, They have a little crab-claw thingy. They click it. A lot, and Sherb goes 'It's like me, Ahhh-' (Acknowledging things IRL while also in character.)

- "'Little Itty Bitty Bell,'" Yeah, for the Bits!" (Acknowledging things IRL things in character.)

- They close minecaft, Lights change back to yellow.

- MER SMP thumbnail for this stream - The Quixian on the thumbnail is different than what it is in the vod, it Translates to "HELP ME REACH THEM" (⍭⍹Ψ⌆ ⏇⌆ ⌗Ψ⏄⌆⍅ ⌆⏇⌭Ψ - JNFC KC AFPCY CKRF - LPHE ME CHREA EMTH - HELP ME REACH THEM)

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FABLE SMP AMONG US: The Threequel")

- On Plush Shelf - Among Us swaped with purple blob, Techno and Jshlatt swapped, and Techno then swapped with Cubone

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is gone (Again)

- Light changed to a green-Blue, Teal, Cyan if you will. (Not the same as the Mer green)

- 'Among Us' code cover Changes, Translates to 'ARE YOU HERE?' (⍋⍱⌬ ⏚√⍹ ⍋⍉⍋⌬ - DZQ TXN DGDQ - EAR UYO EHER - ARE YOU HERE? (1/2 Right)

- 'Among Us' code cover changes back

- "It's been a while since I've just gotten to do this."

- "That's inevitable. In every world and this one."

- "Even though she's.. back. When did she back?"

- "'Your name is Sherbert, Right?' No, It's a.. Nickname that I got."

- Light changes back after they close Among us.

- The Among Us are Orange and White

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FISH FRIENDS"]

- Blood is further down

- "It's gonna be a *me* CMV." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- Lights changed to green when they opened minecaft

- They have to restart minecaft and light changes back to Yellow

- Lights do eventually turn back to green after they open minecaft

- They close Minecaft light goes back to Yellow

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "GIANT CHICKENS, my worst nightmare"]

- Blood Is darker and further down

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is back

- Light does not change as they open the game

- Among us are Red and White

- "Waking up places, Going through stuff, Kinda my bit."

- "Hey Charles, you wanna talk to me in an odd dream sequence again and really show everybody why I hate you so much?" (Excuse me. What.) (okay no future sage here, i feel like we need to acknowledge this??????)

- "He has a higher kill count than me, guys. Sure my kill count is only one.."

- "I don't think he's gone."

- Charles is not in the basket, now on the desk.

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FABLE SMP SURVIVAL GAMES"]

- Blood Is slightly further down (A little paler than prev. stream.)

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is there but extra faint

- They open Minecaft, Light change to pink (Event Skin eye is pink, this is an event. Hence the pink.)

- They IRL stretch (future sage here. what??)

- While the were drowning, They say "..here again.." really quietly. (Raft!Sherb)

- "I've spent a lot of time practicing for things like this." (GMS!Sherb???????)

- Wack Music #1

- Wack Music #2

- Wack Music #3

- "This is my first time here though.." (Refering to the Mansion. Which is a direct contradictory to canon.)

- Wack Music #4

- Wack Music #5

- "What's this music playing? This is not my fighting music."

- Wack Music #5

- "It's nice to finally win one of these for once, competing in enough anyway."

- While downing (Again) they go, "I've been here before." (Raft!Sherb)

- Near the end of their drowning, They go, "Bye ship." But they look very confused after. (Raft!Sherb)

- Wack Music #6 (Not Jack Stauber, But it is the sad lore music.)

- Wack Music #7

- After they shot and killed Haley in dodge bolt, they go, "In every world. In this one and the next."

- Wack Music #8

- "No idea where the next one of these will be, but hey."

- "Nice to win one for once."

- They close minecaft, Lights change back to yellow

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "DRAWING MORE SHERBS!"]

- Blood is Darker

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is gone again

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "HARDCORE TIME!"]

- Music is not usual music (On starting screen)

- Eyes are now Purple and Yellow, but now in a C!Sherbert way, Purple eye was the blue one

- Other eye, was brown, now yellow, is also beginning to bleed

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is there again

- Charles in background is now Yellow Among us

- Red and Green Among us

- Crab rave not Crab rave

- Chuck is not Chuck. He is Ralph. (Who is a Turtle. Not a Crab)

- Quixis writing on note on desk, Translates to "I THINK I GOT TO YOU" (⍉ ⍔⦚⌭Ψ⍉ ⍉ ⭗⌭⍾ ⌭⭗ ⭗⍩⍬ - G LIRFG G MRE RM MSW - I NKTHI I OTG TO OUY - I THINK I GOT TO YOU)

- Blanket on chair is Light Yellow and Light Blue (Not Normal Yellow and Purple)

- Open Minecaft, Light changes to light purple (Not usual purple)

- "I feel weird." "I feel like I'm wrong."

- "I don't feel like I'm supposed to be here."

- IRL touches purple bleeding eye, gives a weird look

- "Something's wrong. Somethings wrong today."

- "He doesn't belong here, then again-"

- They stretch for a moment, Light momentarily changes yellow.

- Song time, Lights change back to yellow

- "Guess this is where I can die, just one and done."

- They go back to playing Minecaft, Light changes back to purple

- Ears are switched around (White and Black in front, Yellow and purple in back.)

- "'Just like normal?' Yeah just like normal."

- "I have... I don't know what I've been doing."

- Wack Music probably not #1

- "I was sleeping. Maybe. When's the last time I slept?" Quieter, "It doesn't matter."

- "Ahh, My brain feel fuzzy."

- Wack Music #2 (Probably.)

- "'Well what happened before you woke up might contribute to how you feel, What is the last thing you remember before you wake up?' Um. What was- I was finishing the- I went to the- And then I- I- was like.. crying.." (Context wise, No idea, but. In Sherb's most recent C!Sherbert tiktok, They were crying. I assume this is in reference to that.) (future sage again, i think about that tiktok *often*)

- "Yo, I wanna see, I think it is neat when you are.. me.." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person)

- Wack Song #3 (Probably.)

- "This is my Music." Light changes to yellow as they say that, changes back to purple just as quickly

- "I'm doing okay. Ish. Maybe."

- "That's Ominous." They pause, light changes to yellow, once again changes right back

- They spot the DER, "..Rae.." (technically a HC!sherbert thing. Putting it here for ease. Also because sad.)

- Wack Music #4 (Probably.)

- "I see you guys cosplaying me. Is cool." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- "I wanna learn a couple languages, Cause it's hard to figure out what things are saying sometimes."

- "'What languages do you wanna learn?' Well there's a lot of them I don't understand."

- Wack Music #5 (Probably)

- "'Is everything okay Sherbert? I DONT KNOW!"

- They then do a small rant about how they feel weird and not right.

- "Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.."

- "My outfit for stream tomorrow." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person, refering to C!Sherbert's outfit as their own.)

- "Every once and while we get some of my music" (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- "It's doesn't feel like hardcore."

- "Is that I no longer have a Fire Res potion on my belt." (C!Sherbert has a potion belt. I don't believe HC!Sherbert does.)

- Another Music time, Light changes to Yellow

- They go back to Minecaft, Light goes back to Purple

- Wack Music #6 (Probably)

- "I should try them in a potion, that's one of the few things i haven't done."

- "They've only caused damage in the past." (Refering to the Blue Mushrooms)

- "And also what happened with the. With the. The. With the potion."

- Wack Music #7 (Probably)

- During singing to said wack music, light changed to yellow. They change back to purple after.

- Wack Music #8 (Probably)

- While dancing along to said wack music, light changes to yellow, it stays like that even after the music changes

- "'Opinions on frogs?' I had so many- I had so many... I haven't even been to a swamp." Lights change back to purple

- Wack Music #9 (Probably)

- "'We need a doctor, Oh!' but we don't have one!"

- "'I just might drive me crazy~'"

- "I think it makes sense to put the potions underneath."

- They touch both eyes, specifically the blood, pulling their hands away to give them a look. They don't acknowledge it.

- "I'm okay. I'm okay, really." Pause, before the light goes yellow. It quickly changes back.

- "I am not supposed to be here." Light changes yellow. "But I am. But I'm not supposed to be here." Light does not change back.

- Wack Music #10 (Probably)

- "I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll see you. I'll see you." Pause, after yhey close minecaft, "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. I think."

- "I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." They do a little salute before spinning in their chair. They stare at their desk, presumably the note there, for a moment before turning back and ending stream.

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "The Beginning of the End."]

(future sage for note - this was a noting down what happened and what was back to normal and stuff, bc it technically concluded the break, so.)

- Starting stream frame different, On of the Rave room portals, looks to me brown

- Adding to that, Music is different, similar to the music used in rave room cut scenes

- With that, The Camara is slowly zooming out from the Portal (Quixis is there???)

- Border around the facecam is back to normal (Yellow and Purple)

- Light is back to Purple

- Flags are back to normal

- Eye is not bleeding

- "But like, Everything was like way more detailed." "Things could be round."

- They've rubbed at their eye a couple times

- They've also scratched at where C!Sherbert's scar would be

- Lights are switching color between Purple and Pink (Fading. (Just noticed that.))

- Among us are Yellow and Purple

- "Haley was like there. And Centross-"

- "I do not think Centross would ever chose to live with, especially after everything we've done to each other."

- "Sever reset make me cry." (Is that why they were crying in that one Fable tiktok??) (future sage again, please i want to know what the fuck that tiktok was about i think about it way to often-)

- "'No advancements?' Because I’ve done this all already? It’s a world reset not me."

- Kitty Quake ears are back to normal

- "'Are you still in Character..' Yeah, I'm still me!"

《▪︎▪︎》

[tobns]

all the lights went down in hollywood

from the writer’s desk: so, just right off the bat, for the full ~experience~ i recommend you read on ao3, as this is a multimedia fic and everything is formatted for that platform. but i know tumblr fics are slowly becoming a thing again, that’s where i came from and it’s who i’ll always be + i had some people asking, so here you guys go! disclaimer that there is adult material in this fic, so read at your own discretion. happy reading :’)

CHAPTER ONE: FEEL SO UNSTABLE, FUCKING HATE MY LABEL

"Gale is officially not coming back."

Clove wishes she could say this comes as a surprise, but it does not. If anything, it is a dull ringing in her ears, like someone's phone is bleating and they're just pretending to ignore it. The noise is akin to a nail-grating whine that digs underneath her skin.

Except the phone has been ringing for four weeks, and she is ready to rip her flesh off her body.

The suit sitting on the opposite side of the board table plows ahead, adjusting the lapels of his jacket as he speaks. "His team has finalized the paperwork, and as of tomorrow, March 13th, for all legal purposes, he will no longer be attached to The SeventyFourth."

Beside her, Glimmer rolls her eyes. "So why the hell did someone post the Twelve cover this morning to our Instagram?"

"Roxanne is contractually obligated to post to the band's Instagram at minimum once per month."

"Well why couldn't Foxy post that picture of Gale's bare ass? It's the least he deserves after he ditched us."

Across the table, the suit lowers his wire-rimmed glasses. "Ms. Dillon, Mr. Hawthorne provided you all with a formal resignation letter upon his entry into rehab. I'd hardly call that ditching."

Glimmer falls silent.

A formal resignation letter is pushing the envelope considerably. Emmett's still of the belief that Gale doesn't know how to form more than two complete sentences.

Really, they'd forced his hand. They couldn't keep pushing back tour rehearsals to accommodate for his broken heart. At some point, something had to give, and Clove would go to her grave with the truth if anyone decided to ask questions about her call history.

"You're drunk," Foxy warns as Clove starts fumbling with her phone, trying to get the face identification to do its singular job and recognize her as the owner. Apparently, when she's drunk, Apple tells too much of a difference between freckles and specks of glitter and deems her as another person entirely.

"Yeah, no shit."

Foxy's fingers start trying to pry the phone gently from Clove's grip, but Clove immediately swats her hand away, all but clocking her in the face with the point of her elbow as she wrestles herself out of Foxy's proximity. "Stop it," she spits venomously. "If no one else in this fuckin' group is gonna tell him the truth, then I will."

"Clove..."

Clove's face draws up into a tight line. "Foxy," she mimics. "It's bullshit."

"I'm not disagreeing with you, but—"

"But what?" Clove snaps. Her face falls, come on scrolling in her irises as she glares at her publicist. "Rox, this is shit and you know it. Katniss didn't do anything to him, he's a pussy who can't accept that he has always been and never will be anywhere but her friend zone. And now he's making the band suffer because he's suddenly twelve?" She huffs. "We named the album after the number of songs, not how old our fuckin' guitarist acts."

Foxy is silent, lips pressing together in an attempt to suppress the riot act she's dying to read Clove, but knows that ultimately, she cannot. As long as it doesn't grace the top searches of Google, it's out of her hands. Clove's always been a fish in her hands, slipping and darting from her grasp. Every time she thinks she's got Clove, there's a narrow escape back into the pond.

Clove manages to unlock her phone and gets into her contacts, finding Gale's name and violently pressing the call button. Every drone of the phone ringing only heightens her blood pressure.

"What the fuck do you want, Clove?" Gale answers on the third ring, his words slurred together. "'M not hashing this out with you."

"Oh, the hell you are," Clove snarls into the receiver. Beside her, Foxy is now physically biting down on her fist. "You're going to stop acting like a little bitch, you're going to pull your head out of your ass and you're going to be at rehearsal tomorrow. We are not waiting around on you to get over yourself."

"Fuck you," he groans.

"Know who else I fucked? Kat." The silence on the other end is so profound, she wonders if he hung up on her, but she knows she's got him by the throat. She almost wishes he could see the smug grin that so effortlessly drapes over her lips. "While you were whining after every show about whether or not she'd ever give you the time of day, I was with her in all those hotel rooms—"

"Shut up—"

"—and tour bunks, between her legs, making her say my name—"

"God, you are an insufferable cunt—"

"—and guess what? She didn't think about you once! Not one mention of you, ever!" Clove sneers into the receiver, a low laugh rumbling from her chest. "C'mon, Hawthorne, you didn't seriously think she and I wrote honey because we'd caught a marathon of the fuckin' L Word one night and thought it'd be a cute idea for a song."

There's more silence on Gale's end, so Clove takes that as her invitation to keep prattling on. "So if you're gonna be mad at anyone in the band, don't you dare be mad at Katniss for going out on dates with someone that is perfectly kind and normal and sane like she's got every right to. Be mad at the person who was fucking her behind your back for eight months knowing full well how you felt about her. I didn't give a shit about bro code, I don't regret it, and I'd fucking do it again."

"I can't believe you."

"Believe it." Clove switches hands, pulling the phone away from her ear and putting the receiver directly up to her mouth. "You better fucking be at rehearsal tomorrow morning, or you are out." Gale doesn't have an opportunity to protest; she forcefully ends the call and then throws the phone haphazardly over her shoulder. She hears the soft bounce it makes when it lands somewhere on the couch behind her.

Clove bends down, reaching for the shot glass she'd discarded and tossing it back. Foxy just stares at her with wide eyes, wordless. "What?" Clove asks calmly as the tequila carves a neat path down her throat. "I'm expediting the process."

"Yeah," is Foxy's hollow intonation, unsure of what the fuck to say. It's a good thing she said enough for the both of them, then.

Gale was never the favorite in the band. Once upon a time, he'd been tolerable. Those were the days when Madge was on keys, of few but meaningful words and they were opening for nobodies, when it didn't matter the way it does now. And then she left, and Emmett recommended they give one of his sister's friends a listen to see if she'd be a good fit. Katniss was, of course, and everyone loved her. Gale loved her the most, in a way that he was stuffing napalm into all of their cracks that he all but promised to come back and ignite later.

Clove knows she probably put more than just a toe or her neck out, telling Gale the truth, but it was just that: the truth. He never bothered to do anything about his insufferable crush on her, and that was far from Clove's problem. It became her problem when he dialed the dramatics up to an eleven and let the band get in the crosshairs. Twelve was their most successful record to date, got them nominated for three Grammys, and the Twelve tour sold out in minutes.

So, yes, it very much mattered when Gale started saying he couldn't be in the same room as Katniss and pushed tour rehearsals back. And then it really was her problem when he broke his hand after punching a wall, a direct result of their phone conversation, and pretended to go to rehab just so he could punish her by making everything screech to a grinding halt.

She really, really hated him.

"Furthermore—" Clove's never heard anyone use the word furthermore in a conversation that was not scripted by Shakespeare — "Within the terms of his release, Mr. Hawthorne would not be officially released from his contract within the band until a suitable replacement was lined up with the approval of the label."

"Yeah, what about the band's approval?" Marvel says, the steady rap of his fingers against the wooden table never faltering. "Imagine the label's still mad at me for that time I wrecked that golf cart—"

"—they probably are," Katniss chimes in.

"—and they give us someone worse than Gale as a dose of our medicine." He glances around the table at the rest of them, looking for support. "I mean, it's more than just a business arrangement. This is somebody we have to live with, in cramped conditions, for the next seven months. Do you want one of us to become a serial killer?"

"Mr. Dillon," the suit says in a disapproving tone, lowering the wire-rimmed glasses on his nose to glare. Marvel winces, slouching back into his seat; underneath the table, Glimmer has stomped on his foot as hard as she can manage, arms now folded across her chest and a triumphant smirk on her lips that she does her best to water down for appearance's sake. "Considering your own contract and moral clauses, I highly doubt that will be an issue."

"So, what are you saying?" Glimmer asks. "We don't get to pick our new guitarist?"

"It's not just a guitarist, from my understanding. If I'm correct, Mr. Hawthorne also did male lead vocals for the group's latest record."

"That's something Marv or Thresh can do." Clove sits up a little taller in her chair, finding herself nodding along with Katniss's suggestion.

The suit, on the other hand, is skeptical of this. "That may well be true, Ms. Everdeen, but it's of the label's perspective that Mr. Hawthorne's replacement should be able to replace him entirely."

Clove sighs. This is veering on the borderline of asinine and aggravating, and she's got shit to do. Namely, get her band in rehearsal, now that they are apparently back on track. "Okay," she interjects, lifting one of her hands. "So Gale's out, and now we've got to wait on the label to find someone to replace him, and we'll probably figure out who it is once Rox's contract obligates her to post it on the band Instagram. Is tour officially on?"

Suit clears his throat. "Tour is on, yes." He begins ruffling through the stack of papers he has spread out around him. "According to Mr. Abernathy and Ms. Trinket, replacement dates with the venues are in the process of being finalized. The European shows are, I believe, the only ones still up in the air. My understanding is that you will play Amsterdam instead of Po—"

"Okay then," Clove deduces with the clap of her hands. "So when do we start rehearsals? Is the plan still to open in Glendale?"

"Yes, but..."

"And do we have to actually wait for the label to tell us who's joining, or are we allowed to make recommendations and audition people we like?"

"I like that," Marvel nods fervently. "At least gives us some say in the matter."

"And that's how we found Katniss," Glimmer adds, thumb jambing in the direction of their now slightly blushing keyboardist. "She was a perfect fit."

Emmett shrugs. "Told y'all I had good taste."

"That you did, Threshie."

The suit looks visibly uncomfortable where he sits, Clove's sharp eye narrowing in on his body language. It takes only a second to conclude why he's behaving as though his tie is choking him. "We're not going to get to audition anyone, are we?"

Marvel's neck nearly breaks. "What? Why?"

Clove's eyebrows shift upward, and Suit opens his mouth. "Per the terms of his release from his contract, Mr. Hawthorne would not be able to officially leave the band until a replacement was lined up. It's my understanding that we are meeting today because the label signed a new lead guitarist to The SeventyFourth last night, and the paperwork for Mr. Hawthorne's departure was processed and finalized early this morning."

The dull ringing is back in her ears, but this time, everything around her sounds as though it has been plunged into water.

Quite a bit of her disdain for Gale stemmed back to the way that he made Katniss feel (read: like shit, and Clove hated to see her down), but the reason Clove could not stand him, even for the sake of professionalism, was the lack of control she was able to exercise regarding his mere presence. She's always in control, even when others think she's not.

It's why the rest of them throw the baton her way when it comes to leading the charge — and the band — without a complaint. It's because she gets shit done. She doesn't mind making hard decisions that must be made, starting difficult discussions that need to be had. Everyone in The SeventyFourth has always had a fair say, but typically it all boils down to Clove.

She's been doing this twice as long as the rest of them. She's seen shit, and while it doesn't make her better than any of them (she will never be able to play piano like Katniss, or make even the stoniest person crack a laugh like Marvel, or be half the woman Glimmer is or have the rationale Thresh has in any given moment) it incentivizes her to make sure The SeventyFourth is the best it can possibly be. And Gale was the weed that no matter how she tried to rearrange or disguise she simply could not prune. Gale was a force outside of the things she could control. She'd certainly thought about it, but there was no way to physically make him show up for rehearsals. There was no way to quell his broodiness. There was no legal way to be rid of him unless he did it on his own terms.

The only thing that could possibly be worse than having the tour continue to be delayed is hearing that they have already found his replacement, and Clove's got no fucking clue who they could've picked to invade her family.

Slowly, the conversation around her pokes and prods at her bubble.

"I'm calling Haymitch," is the first thing Clove hears clearly, Katniss spinning the chair around so her back is to Suit with her phone already out, unlocked, and mid-dial.

"That's not necessary, Ms. Everdeen, but if you'd like."

Marvel is halfway across the table with how far he is hunched over. "Why weren't we privy to that information? We should have at least been told that the label would be out looking for people; I mean, for fuck's sake, we've all been doing nothing for five weeks. We could've been looking on our own for someone to take his place."

Suit seems to be sweating, even if he's doing a damn fine job with his poker face. "These were terms mentioned in the contract when The SeventyFourth signed with Rose Garden."

"Are you telling me that I don't know how to read?"

"I'm saying that this should not come as a surprise had you read your contracts."

"Those are like the goddamn terms of service," Marvel grumbles. "Nobody reads them!"

"Marvel, shut up," Glimmer says in lieu of smashing his foot underneath her Louboutins for the second time. "You're making it sound like we're stupid."

"Well, we might as well be."

"How far are you from the Garden?" Katniss is saying into the phone, hand cupped around the receiver so Haymitch can hear her. "Did you know that they were finding someone to replace Gale?"

"When do we get to meet them?" Thresh asks, perhaps the calmest of them all. It's why he is the threshold for all of their bullshit: nothing rattles him. "Since they're officially part of the band, we shouldn't be left in the dark. If tour's back on, we need to get into rehearsals."

"I'm glad you asked." The voice does not belong to the suit, but rather a sandy haired man that has burst through the conference room doors with a phone still tucked against his cheek, broad smile across his face. He winks at Katniss, who is staring back at him with her mouth agape. "We wanted to make sure you all were in the same room first," he says, hanging up the call. "And here you all are."

Haymitch.

"What the fuck, Haymitch," are the first words out of Marvel's mouth. "You couldn't have told us?"

Both of Haymitch's hands lift in mock arrest. "Wasn't allowed to." The look he gives Marvel is utterly patronizing. "Can't read the contracts for you, I can only tell you to read 'em carefully." Marvel's eye is now twitching.

"Okay, so who is it?" Clove snaps, already nauseous with the back and forth and stalling. "Who's our new guitarist?"

If it were possible for Haymitch's smile to grow, the upward curve of his lips would be carved in his skin. "So glad you asked." He turns slightly, arms gestured out to the side. "May I introduce — or, for some, reintroduce to you..."

Clove's vision goes red, and she vaguely feels as though she might be sick.

"SeventyFourth's newest guitarist and male lead, Cato Hadley."

[ravenatural]

15 Questions tag game

The rules are: Answer the 15 questions and tag 15 of your mutuals.

Tagged by @echoghost1 , ty Echo!! :D

1. Are you named after anyone? 

Ohh okay so this one is kinda fun because I technically am on four counts! My legal first and middle names both came from two different people ( one a famous author, the other my great great great ( great? I think it’s 4 ) aunt. The other two counts come from chosen names! while I’m not positive how much raven counts ( chosen at 13 because of raven teen titans haha ), Alva is another name I chose for myself that came from an ancestor on my moms side

2. When was the last time you cried? 

Last week? I think? Shit’s been kinda stressful all of a sudden

3. Do you have kids?

I babysat a couple of kids for a few months when I was like 18-ish and worked a job that had a daycare room, and I absolutely adored them to the point my mom started referring to them as my kids, but I am neither a legal guardian nor still in contact since the place went out of business so I’m gonna have to answer no to that one

4. What sports do you play/have played? 

Ohh man okay i don’t think I’ve done any sports since I was like. 10 years old, max. I briefly did soccer, and then basic ballet and tap lessons; I had a couple group recitals, but never advanced past flats, and honestly did not retain even muscle memory on anything

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I can’t because I’m the kind of awkward that struggles with tone inflection and quick wit so when I try people always think I’m serious 😔 

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? 

Something that can be complimented, generally.

Like, one of the things I do as someone with a customer facing job, is actively look for things to complement people on, for a multitude of reasons. It’s def not some kind of a requirement for my position, but more just that I like to break up the basic check-out process a little by finding something that I can genuinely appreciate ( which, the more I’ve done this the wider an appreciation of people’s personal style preferences I’ve had in general ) and communicating to them I like it, which never fails to brighten up an interaction.

It’s honestly really great too, because people often like to share the story behind the things I compliment, and I love to hear those stories, so it’s a good balance I think!

7. What's your eye color? 

I’ve always been told they’re brown but I’m like 98% certain they’re actually hazel? But the definitions of hazel I see are very, well, hazy tbh, and I’m afraid to commit to being 100% certain lmao

8. Scary movies or Happy endings? 

I like both BUT the happy endings I’d really like to have a lot of toil and angst and maybe a lil tragedy first—I want that happy ending to have blood stains that are over time bleached away by sunlight, but forever imprinted onto the fabric

9. Any talents? 

Idk if I’d describe myself as talented in any manner, but that’s mostly because I prefer to think in terms of skill-set over natural talent

That said, I have never formally—or informally really, for that matter—studied gemstones, but I can recognize and name a decent number of them on sight relatively easily, and have ID’d multiple pieces of tanzanite jewelry first try ( something where every individual, all unrelated, who was wearing said jewelry have said I’m the first person to not only think it was something other than sapphire, but to also know instantly. All I can really offer as to how I know is “its just the way it is” because ig the color and shine differences aren’t as easily noticeable to everyone else? ). It’s a side effect of having a detail focused mind that I’m honestly really proud of

10. Where were you born? 

Nice try sucker you’re not getting the answer to my online account security question THAT easily

11. What are your hobbies? 

Drawing

opening new tabs from my YouTube recommendations side bar for every song title that looks interesting and seeing how much new music I can find in one sitting before I get bored

finding hyper specific and sometimes rare things people I know haven’t been able to find and then buying it for them

googling the fuck out of some random ass thing that just came up in conversation until I have a bunch of new fun facts on the subject

sewing

and more!

12. Do you have any pets? 

LOTS

context: my family runs a small hobby farm, + we have our indoor pets ( only cats for indoor now ), we’ve had a variety of livestock over the years, but currently it’s just sheep and chickens for outdoor

13. How tall are you?

Just a lil over 5’5” but not quite 5’6” ( no I don’t need to be that specific but the doctor commented on it last time she took my height and damn if I won’t take the small win )

14. Favourite subject in school?

Mmmmm I’m gonna automatically disqualify art just to make this slightly more challenging for myself.. probably Astronomy? Tbh I’ve never been able to wrap my head around enough math concepts to understand a lot of science formulas, so that whole portion of it didn’t quite work out for me, but I enjoyed the fuck outta reading the textbook

15. Dream Job? 

Oh okay this one is actually really specific, but. Making an anime / cartoon style comic and / or illustrations and maybe a variety of other artwork for NASA, no this position does not exist but I want it IMMENSELY

Hooooo this got a LOT longer than I expected lmao

trying to avoid tagging mutuals I’ve already seen tagged in this one, obvi feel free to ignore if you don’t wanna do it ( we’re low stakes tagging in this household )

@zrllosyn

@magiwou-meowvin

@13threbagel

@lactoseparty

@aggressivelyclueless

@mcfanely

@cosmicteafox

@tunafishprincess

@ukiinas ( I silently salute you for being my longest standing mutual 🫡 )

…and anyone else who’d like to! ( I don’t feel like digging through my followers to fill the list to max shajsisoa have at it fellas )

[myshredda]

I KEEP ON FORGETTING TO GIVE YOU THESE; Supplemental clump songs because I didn’t have enough room last time! (Spoiler alert, they’re all by James Arthur). Duck: “Recovery” (was gonna be for Red, then realized it fits Duck a bit better). Yellow: “Get down” (this was hard ‘cause his character’s so surface level, so this is kinda like his blind faith in the world). Green: “Supposed” (guilt for “failing” his purpose). Finally, “Coming home for Summer” (I think it fits the vibe of your fics<3) -🍓🍷

Oh this is so exciting!!!! Time for lyric analysis I'm putting my old lady glasses on okay here we go!

Recovery is immediately a punch in the gut with the opening lyrics being "I don't want to play this game no more" over and over like OW??? The direct parallel to Duck screaming "I don't want to do this anymore!" in the Healthy song :(((((((((

Get down really is so Yellow, especially that pre-chorus: "I could draw you a picture/I could write all my fears/I could read you a scripture of tears" CRIES thats so him oh god.....

Supposed is so good for Green? Like right from the start? "I should've known better/Than to ever/Look to heaven questioning/Whether I've found it" as a parallel to him venturing up to the attic and looking for answers, even him hearing the bigger Duck say "This is as good as it gets!" and immediately answering with "Can't be! Has to be something else! Doesn't there?" and him asking Lesley if he can stay with her and her immediately answering with "you don't belong up here" like...ow?

I'm like crying and weeping over Coming Home for Summer bc the vibes are so immaculate and it's so in line with what I want my works to reflect and every lyric is so perfect for them that I just want to copy/paste the whole song into this ask but I can't so I'll stick with these bits:

"We shadow-boxed the enemy/Swing until we extradite our fears/They're backed into a corner/Ring the bell, we shed our blood and tears/Like hibernating sun-rays, hoping for the sun/Watching the horizon"

"Oh, we suffered in silence/Through storms and through violence/We've stayed our way/The waves have sub-sided/The clouds have divided/Found a reason to survive/Found the will to stay alive/That will be the last thing that we do/Heading for summer/Back home for summer"

which is like exactly how they live now?? They lived through the teachers and bled and sweat and sobbed and finally made it around to the other side and they can be alive now and they're finally happy oh my GODDDDD its so perfect.

Now! I have a song rec for you! I've been listening to a lot of Lemon Demon lately and I think "Fine" is totally a Yellow song, with his upbeat enthusiasm and his tendency to be in-denial of how dark the world he lives in truly is! These bits are my favorite:

"Everything works out nice in the end/The sun will marry the moon/It'll be fine/Why don't we sit back mellow again/And have a nice afternoon?/It'll be fine"

"I know/That in a snap, all the birds will sing, I know/I know/I'm full of crap, but still"

[eldritchpluto]

GO LISTEN TO LIZARD BOY!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

IM SO MAD MORE PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS SHOW! So, your local giant nerd who has hyperfixed on this show for four goddamn years is gonna explain it, and hopefully convince at least one person to give it a try. I’m gonna put this under a read more for the sake of people’s dashes, but if you like any musicals, PLEASE STICK WITH ME HERE!

Lizard Boy is a musical written by Justin Huertas, and he plays the lead Trevor. The two other primary actors are Kiki DeLohr as Siren, and William A. Williams as Cary. That’s it! It’s only a three person cast, wild I know. This cast is used VERY well, and in incredibly interesting ways.

What’s our main premise? Trevor, our titular lizard boy, (yes I know the name is silly, STICK WITH ME I PROMISE), is living alone. He’s been in his apartment all year, never leaving. Why? After an accident in his youth where he was sprayed with dragon blood after a wild encounter, he’s been covered in scales. He spent much of his following time dealing with social craziness because of it, and he’s sick of being an outcast. So, he stays alone. He only goes out once a year during the city’s “Monster Fest”, since others are dressed up like monsters, and no one looks at him. So, on this year’s fest, he goes out. On a kind of date with a dorky dude named Cary. But, as he’s trying out this weird first date, he comes across Siren. A mysterious woman, whose haunting voice he’s heard in his cryptic dreams. As he tries to figure out this relationship, and who this woman is, chaos ensues.

As much as I love the plot of this show, the music is the real draw! It’s absolutely incredible, and showcases how just three people together can create some incredibly powerful stuff!

Other pros! It’s very gay (and if you ask me, very trans) and meant a lot to me the past four years as I’ve figured out my own stuff. Next, it is VERY creative in every possible way! Next, it’s campy and nerdy and weird as fuck, and is so proud to be all of that. It brings me joy to see something so goddamn weird. Also, all three people involved are very very talented and wonderful!

If you like these other shows, it might be fore you! It has the weird campiness and sincerity of Ride the Cyclone, razias’s shadow, and Be More Chill! Everyone plays their own instruments and does cool vocal stuff with a small cast like Ghost Quartet! It’s about identity in very cool ways like Fun Home!

So, if you want to listen to this show (which you shoulddddddddd) here are some places to start! (Also there will be a new recording coming out soon thats live and will be SO good I was there for one of the recordings for it >:3)

A Terrible Ride- this song was my introduction. It slaps SO fucking hard oh my god. Siren’s voice <3

Take me to bed- Probably my favorite? It’s hard to pick. But big emotion, overlapping parts, amazing instrumentation! The whole deal

Myth to live by- Another favorite! Killer harmonies and just a vibe honestly.

I was going to call you- THIS SONG BREAKS MY HEART BUT ITS AMAZING AHHHHH

ANYWAYS! ITS AMAZING! Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/album/6Db8WJESTAwTXdF43fQLKs?si=wejkyPHDT8C0m8ww-ryzFA and read the synopsis and see more info here http://www.lizardmusical.com

If you have any questions or want more info, send me an ask! I know way too much, and I finally saw the show in person! (Also got to talk to all three actors, which is maybe the coolest thing I’ve ever done!) So yeah!!

[spicy-tomato]

techno sword pt 2 you whores

come get yall juice, techno sword pt 2

pt 1

“Princess, please tell me whats wrong.” he looked concerned and you sit up. Nows as good a time as ever….guess you might as well tell him. 

Being behind a door should make it easier, right? Not really when you know that just behind it is a man that could kick it down with only a fraction of his power. It wasnt. 

“w-well…..for a while i’ve been having these…thoughts….” you trail off, not knowing how to phrase what you’ve been thinking. “about you and….and your sword” even if he can’t see you, you still cover your face out of embarrassment. you hear a soft chuckle from outside and the doorknob jiggle. 

“princess, let me in or speak up” he almost growls through the door. that tone manages to do something to you, making you think about him on top— stop, you can’t do this right now. you need to stay composed for this. 

“o-okay so i’ve been having thoughts about you recently...ive been watching you train and seeing how you come back with your sword coated in blood and it just...i dont know it does something to me i guess…you just look so….i dont know its stupid…” you trail off, figuring you werent making sense. More faint growling can be heard before a loud slam on the door.

“You have three seconds to unlock this door before i break it down, princess’ you stay still on the bed, paralized by what could happen when he gets inside. Is he upset? Is he gonna kick you out? Break up with you? Before you get the chance to register all your thoughts the door is torn from its hinges, the looming figure of your boyfriend striding along your room, dragging his sword behind him. “Ready to speak up now, or do i have to force it out of you.” he pins you below him on the bed, sword discarded next to you, showing just how large it is. You try to stutter out an answer but before you get the chance, he picks the sword back up, using it to cut your clothes cleanly off your body. “Aww are you to dumb to speak to me pet? To busy getting off on the thought of me and my sword? Thinking about how many lives ive taken with it? So dirty.” as he says these things his hand begins to trail from the side of your face down your body, causing you to shiver and let out a whine. “Words princess.”

“P-please...want you to fuck me with your sword.” he chuckles and moves a hand between your thighs, slowly moving to tease your entrance. 

“Already so needy for me and i havent even touched you yet, what a dirty little whore” he starts to tease you, rubbing your clit softly and using his free hand to hold your hips onto the bed. You throw your head back and moan softly, desperate for more pressure and touch. You soon get it as he moves his hand from your hips to tease your entrance, pushing one finger in slowly. You arch into his touch, causing him to pull his hands away. “Be good or ill stop and leave you here, nasty slut” you whine and nod, biting your lip as his finger dives back inside you, stretching you out in a slightly painful way. Hes always been bigger than you in every way, hell his hands were twice the size of yours. Once you adjust, loud moans and cries spill from your lips. He adds a second finger and your eyes roll back from the pleasure of it, your legs moving to wrap around him be they were quickly moved back into place by him. You let out a near sob as he pulls his fingers away from you, reaching to grab his sword. He moves it between your legs, slowly pressing the end of the hilt inside you as you wail at the sensation. He only puts the end of it in before stopping, going back to rubbing light circles on your clit.

“If you want more you have to beg. Tell me how much you want it and maybe ill let you cum.” you start babbling out pleas for him to continue. He pushes the rest in without hesitation, setting a rough pace as you gasp and choke on moans from the sudden stimulation. The pressure on your clit increases as he keeps fucking you with the hilt, bringing you closer with every second. 

“G-gonna...please let me…” just as you say that he pulls the hilt out of you and moves off of you, causing you to let out a choked sob “please please dont stop please” he chuckles darkly and looks down at you.

“Oh so the baby knows how to beg? Maybe i havent done good enough yet,” he quickly resumes his pace, causing you to roll your eyes back and reach your hands to grip his hair and pull him into a rough kiss, masking your moans and cries. He doesnt let up with his pace, bringing you over the edge as your legs begin to tremble, wrapping around his waist. He doesnt slow, if anything he moves faster, your orgasm spurring him on to make you cum again. 

“So pretty, wanted to see you like this for so long. Getting off on something so evil like the whore you are.” he whispers into your ear before moving to bite your neck, drawing a scream from you as you cum again, unable to come down from your first orgasm before the second one hits. Hes relentless at this point, drawing orgasm after orgasm out of you until youre crying, overstimulated and fucked out on the hilt of a sword that has killed thousands. When he finally pulls away, your cum is covering the hilt and almost dripping onto the blade. 

“Gonna do this every time i come back, watch you get fucked out after i take a life with this. Now that ive treated you like the queen you are, i think its my turn baby.” you nod below him, to fucked out to speak and your voice hoarse from screaming for him for what felt like hours. He chuckles and moves you easily to your knees at the edge of the bed in front of where hes sitting. You instinctively open your mouth and he spits into it, you swallowing quickly before he shrugs his pants off and moves you right in front of him. “Looks like youre to dumb to suck me of right so ill just make you do it instead.’ you nod quicky as he puts his member in your mouth, starting to fuck your mouth roughly. He lets out soft growls and groans as he continues to use you like a toy, more tears slipping down your cheeks from how deep he is in your throat. You gag slightly and he throws his head back, moving faster. “So good princess, being so good for me. Gonna fill your mouth up, dont want you to waste a drop.” he keeps going, cumming down your throat and staying there as you swallow every drop before he pulls you off him. You open your mouth to show him and he smiles down at you. He lifts you off the ground and carries you to the bathroom, setting you on the counter as he runs a bath, helping you into it when the water is ready.

“Did so good for me my persephone, so wonderfully.” he praises as he washes your hair. You lay back against his chest and start to drift off, only to be woken by him picking you up and carrying you carefully back to the bed and laying you down. He moves the blankets over you and pulls you against him.

“...mmm love you tecchno”

“i love you too princess” 

[hotwings0203]

I feel like Dabi would be the type of dude who would bully you incessantly at the LOV and for the life of you you can’t figure out why. He’s always around you and making snarky comments or pulling your hair, trying to catch you messing up on missions. You’re sure he hates you, and you do well to stay out of his way, or sometimes when you feel bold you’ll offer a quip of your own. The bullying increases whenever you talk to other guys at the bar, especially when you make Tomura crack a smile, Dabi’s breathing down your neck the second your leader leaves, calling you terrible names and pushing past your boundaries.

Cw: language, nsfw, noncon, manga spoilers, some angst?

In a perfect world, Touya would not have been abandoned and rejected by his family. In a perfect world, Dabi would not exist, and Touya would be eating dinner with his family right now as he shows his little brother how to properly wield fire to its fullest extent.

But there was no such thing as a perfect world, and therefore Dabi did exist. And Dabi doesn’t care for anyone, or anything.

Or so he tells himself.

“Slut”

“Nothing but eye candy, and shitty eye candy at that”

It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, but it doesn’t make it any easier to ignore him

“What was that all about, huh? The fuck are you and crusty snickering about?”

Fed up with his continuous antics, you decide to mouth off a little too.

“Oh nothing, just talking about how adorable you and Hawks would make as a couple. And wipe that sneer off your face, it looks like some of your staples fell out of your mouth.”

It’s nothing too snarky, but in a second he’s shoving you in some dark room, forearm pinned against your throat as his hand is lit up with blue flames merely inches away from you, snarling in your face.

“You wanna be funny, bitch? I got jokes of my own too, why dont I show you what happens to dumb little girls who don’t know their fucking place? I think that would be real funny.”

But his hand is stopped from drawing near your wide eyes when you both hear Twice and Toga calling everyone for their next meeting.

He pushes you away from him, giving you a murderous look over his shoulder as he leaves the room, not paying mind to the way you slide down the wall in the dark.

You take extra precaution to try avoiding him for the next few days, not even making eye contact with him when you two get teamed up for tasks. He never mentions the room incident, if anything he acts as if it never happens. It’s like whiplash for you, he tries to weirdly talk to you more but all you offer him is mumbles and hums of agreement.

The conversation is never long, but it starts to be less talk of degrading you and more of begrudging questioning of what you’ve been up to. You never engage, opting to pretend like you never heard him, and strangely enough he leaves it be.

You give him a side eye one day as he joins you at the bar (much to your discontent), downing your glass just to fill another.

He says nothing as he slides into the stool right next to you, and pours a glass of whiskey for himself as well.

It’s awkwardly silent, you’re not sure if you should leave or not, but you’d be damned if you try to initiate small talk with this psycho.

But then, he speaks.

“Is Shigaraki sending you on the mission to get that UA kid?”

His gravely voice rumbles and cracks from his usual lack of use, and he clears his throat after he talks.

“No.”

“Oh.”

This is excruciating, you think to yourself as he mulls over the drink in his hand for a silent minute or two.

Toga calls you over thankfully at the exact same moment, and you breathe out an inaudible sigh of relief as you slip off the stool to join her.

“Wait-“ Dabi grabs your arm and you flinch out of instinct, expecting a slap or a burn to come from him.

He sees your reaction and shakes his head dismissively, letting you go and muttering a “Nevermind”. You don’t ponder over it as you trip over your own feet to join the eccentric blond.

A week passes, and then two. With each day you maneuver your way around him, request to be partnered up with different people in private, and busy yourself in random tasks. Every time you pass him by the bar he lifts his head from whatever he’s doing and tries to maintain eye contact with you, even going so far as to open his mouth to say or ask god-knows-what.

You try to ignore the foreign hopeful glint in his glacial eyes as you walk right past him, ducking your head as you do so.

It drives Dabi crazy.

He can’t handle any more rejection, he thought his family would be the last straw for him to ever want recognition or love validation from again. He wants to talk to you, to hear your voice as it snaps back with witty comebacks of your own that he secretly enjoys so much, even if it means he has to force it out of you with hateful words. He wants to feel your hair underneath his scarred hands, even if he has to mask the soft wanting of you in forms of yanking the strands. He wants nothing more than to see your eyes fill up with no other sight than him and think only of him, even if it means he has to corner you and scare you into submission.

But your silence is something he’s not used to.

Well, to be fair, you weren’t silent completely, but the only sentences he was hearing from you nowadays was when you were speaking to Shigaraki or the other League members.

You were the only idiot who didn’t notice the smoke curling from his nostrils and ears comically when he’d finally see you stop your stoic act just to open up to other men apart from him. Spinner, Twice, and Compress backed off almost immediately from talking to you for too long when they’d see the look on his face as he watched you surrounded by them, but Tomura would merely smirk from behind your shoulders and keep a level gaze with his subordinate, knowing fully well why he was so pissed off.

You began to notice the weird energy at the base soon after the rest of the men would keep curt conversations with you in comparison to your long talks about video games, sex, and life after you would all win the war.

So you thought it would be best to ask the most semi-normal person there that wasn’t fueled with testosterone and aggression.

“I just don’t get it, why are they all being weird? I mean, we all used to talk so much and now they just...try avoiding me. Except for Tomura of course, he’s still normal I guess. But he always has this smirk on his face when I’m with him and I can’t figure out why.”

Toga stops cleaning her blood-laced needle to give you a sly look, all fangs and glinting white.

“And Dabi?”

“What about him?”

She sits back on her haunches and cocks her head at you. “You really don’t know what’s happening here, do ya?”

“No,” you roll your eyes in exasperation. “But I’ll gladly take any theories here, since apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t get it.”

“He likes you.”

You gape at her for a moment and then burst out laughing.

“What? That’s crazy, he doesn’t like me, he hates me!” He can barely stand being in a room with me, all he does is talk shit and harass me.”

The blond curiously licks at a bead of red from the top of the weapon and you cringe when her own tongue rips from the sharp point.

“You say he can’t stand being in a room with you, so then why is it that he’s always there? He might talk shit, but he talks to you out of everyone else right? Regardless of if it’s something mean.”

You’re thoroughly flabbergasted. She had a point, but it was too much to wrap your head around. She cheerfully hums and gets up to flounce around the room, cleaning her already-tidy room up to a T.

“And that little silent treatment act you’re giving him isn’t helping either. I swear, Jin told me Dabi almost burned his mouth off that one day you, him and Spinner were talking about GTA. He totally cornered the poor guy and threatened his life if he didn’t stop talking to you.”

“You’re joking.”

“Am not. He wanted to do the same to Tomura but I figure he wants to keep his job, so he won’t. Doesnt make it any better for him when you’re all chummy with the one person Dabi can’t stand the most, though.”

No wonder your leader was so smug whenever you two were in the same room, your attention solely focused on him.

You run your hands down your face, moaning about the whole situation being fucked. It’s just your luck that you couldn’t take a clue, but to be fair, how could you? Being called worthless and a waste of space wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for flirty banter.

“Soooo what’re you gonna do now? I heard he’s gonna try talking to you for realsies like, tomorrow or something.”

“Tomorrow?” You yelp, jumping up to your feet. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I can’t face him!”

“Oops,” she giggles, twirling with outstretched arms around her room and falling down onto her bed.

“Oh god, I can’t do this. I don’t even know if I like him! He’s such an ass, and even when he tries to come off as normal he’s just so..unsettling. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good conversation with him.”

Toga props her elbow up to rest her chin on her hand, frowning in thought.

“Why not just tell him how you feel?”

You snort and fold your arms. “Yeah, because the psycho arsonist is really gonna take the word no well.”

“Hmm.. I see what you mean. Oh well, whatever you choose, I’ll support you!”

And with that she skips out of the room sing songing for Twice to make a clone for her.

You were fucked.

And sure enough, the next day he approaches you, hands stuffed in his pockets and an almost bored look on his face.

“Yo newbie, I gotta talk to you for a second. Come with me”.

You look blearily up at him through eye bags and mussed hair, a direct telling of your sleepless night. Your stomach drops when you hear his words, but you nod your head and take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself of the speech you practiced till the sun rose.

No one else is bothering you both today, Shigaraki having gone to visit All For One and the rest of the League left to their own devices. It was something you weren’t so comfortable with, but you doubted a hero would come to save you.

He leads you through the short winding hallways, each step of his growing louder and heavier as the space started growing smaller. Finally, he reaches a dimly lit room and stops outside the door, gesturing for you to go in with a casual wave of his patched wrist.

“After you.”

You raise an unsure eyebrow at his uncharacteristic show of consideration, and do as he says. You’re sweating bullets, fists balled so that your nails are digging into your palms, and vision going in and out of focus as your eyes begin to adjust to your surroundings.

A loud bang pulls you out of your stupor, and you whip around at the sound.

Dabi is already staring back at you with lidded eyes, leaning his weight against the door, his arms crossing over each other.

You shift on both feet, picking at your nails nervously.

“So, what did you wanna talk about?”

He says nothing, but just observes you, his head slightly tilted as if you were some abstract art piece.

“Dabi.”

“You got a lot of nerve, y’know that?”

He pushes himself off the wall and advances slowly towards you, hands stuffed in his trench coat pockets.

You immediately back up with raised palms, sputtering indignantly at his offensive movements coming closer and closer. However you thought his ‘confession’ would go, this was most definitely not starting out like how you planned

“Excuse me? What’re you talking about-“

“I know what you’re doing. You think whoring yourself out to ol’ crusty and the rest of the guys here is gonna make everyone forget just how useless you actually are. What the fuck do you even do here? You fuck up half the missions which I have to come bail your ass out of, you constantly put us in jeopardy by being all friendly with everyone, and you can’t even keep your mouth shut when I need to let off a little steam, as I rightfully should.”

In a perfect world, Dabi would be the light of your eyes, the hero of your world. In a perfect world, Dabi would be able to hold your hand in his smooth one and tell you that he wants you so much that it impairs his rational judgement and makes him say things he doesn’t mean. He’d tell you that your presence is like a weight lifted off his chest, your presence means he doesn’t have to think or worry about the outside world, he just wants you all to himself without anyone interfering.

But this is not a perfect world, and Dabi is not a hero, but rather one of the worst villains.

So he does exactly what one does as a villain.

Instead of a loving look that he knows he’s incapable of, Dabi looks down into your horrified gaze as he traps you against the wall between his scarred arms, spewing misplaced venom at you.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to chill out. First you go ballistic on me ‘cause I talked to Tomura for no reason, then you act all weird and quiet as if you’re some decent person, and now you think you can just bring me in here and tell me how worthless I am? Go fuck yourself, seriously.”

You scoff and make your way to push him but stop when he does what he did a couple weeks ago. You hold bated breath as he casually brings an inflamed hand to scratch at his face as if he can’t feel the hellfire emitting from it, and let out a whine of distress as he lowers his head mere inches from yours, lips almost touching.

“Stop talking to the rest of the guys,” he breaths. “Stop smiling, laughing, or going near anyone who isn’t me.”

You wonder if he knows how insane he sounds. He does, but that’s nothing he doesn’t know already. If anything, it solidifies in his mind that if he is to be as bad as the world has made him out to be, then he is acting exactly fit for the role.

“Why?”

“I don’t need to give sluts like you a reason. It should come as easy, right? What’s putting out for one more person?”

Your eyes are brimming with tears now, your stoic facade showing cracks as you sniffle a little bit.

He eats it up and groans watching salty rivers cascade down your cheeks. Suddenly, he feels as though he can no longer hold back anymore, he feels as though if he thinks for one more second he’ll combust.

So, acting on instinct, he surges forward and presses his lips against yours, swallowing your cries of distress and holding your hands above your head in midst of them frantically beating on his chest.

Your lips are so, so soft compared to his and it’s making him sink deeper into this instinctual daze. He puffs against your writhing lips as he thrusts his hot tongue in your mouth.

You try to bite him but when his hands heat up against your skin you resign to your fate and wail, allowing him to pull his hips flush against yours and start humping your thighs.

He draws back and bites your lips, teeth clacking against yours as he does so. You open your terrified eyes and blanch when you see the look on his face.

Lust is clearly drawn everywhere, from his blown pupils to his heaving chest, all the way to his flushed face and wild eyes. He looks as though he’s about to eat you alive and it’s appropriate that you feel like a lamb about to be slaughtered.

“Dabi, wait, please stop-“

But he cuts your pants off again in favor of slamming his hips against yours again and grinding impossibly hard on your legs, the friction of his jeans catching on your clothed cunt and forcing a mewl out of you.

“I’m not gonna stop. I’ve had enough of you teasing. You’re mine now, and if it takes burning our dear leader alive and this whole place down for you to understand that then I’ll fucking do it.”

He thought that terrorizing you would ease the empty feeling in his heart, that continuously berating you would force him to see you as what he always said you were, just another empty headed cunt. He thought that distancing himself from you and focusing on other things would make him forget about the soft feelings he longed to share with you, feelings he thought perished in the fire he was in when he was a young boy .

Even now, there is an ache in his chest as he hears you beg for him to stop, to let you go, that you’re sorry for whatever you did.

But this is not a perfect world, and not everyone gets their way in life.

You should really learn that, because Dabi already has.

And so Dabi will act accordingly to what life has put out before him .

[graymoon2-archive]

ceramic hearts

cc!sapnap x gn!reader

masterlist

summary- sapnap has never felt love like this, but his friend already has your devotion. the assshole doesn’t deserve it, or you.

warnings- very toxic relationship, gaslighting, swearing, someone (not reader) gets punched, crying, food, caps, dream’s real name, slight panic attack, punz is a fuking asshole, stuttering but its sapnap not reader (lol)

pronouns- they/them when used

song rec- grenade by bruno mars

2.1k

sapnap had been in love with you from the day that he met you. he wasn’t the type to believe in “love at first sight“, but his first sight of you was enough. everything you did was perfect- you were perfect. he knew, in his head, that placing you on this pedestal would only result in a monumental crash.

a crash that would crack his ceramic heart.

the first time he saw you, your eye contact was fleeting, quickly broken by a distaction. sapnap had unfortunately forgotten what was happening in the rush of seeing you, quickly turning to the blond who had captured your attention with a simple touch.

“sapnap, i want you to meet my partner y/n”

small cracks in the ceramic had already begun to form.

he forced his expression to remain calm, aloof perhaps. he didn’t know. even small eye contact with you left him gasping for air. he didn’t know if he could survive being left alone with you.

unfortunately, he would have to learn how to quickly.

“i’ll be right back, i have a conference call for a sponsorship soon.” punz excused, shoving you a little closer to sapnap and walking out the door. sapnap’s house shook slightly as the door slammed shut, and he couldn’t miss the slight flinch that traveled through you at the unexpected sound. it was like he was in tune to every small sound or movement you made; the adrenaline running through his veins made him feel like he was being chased.

“hi” you said quietly, breaking the silence. sapnap stopped himself from gaping at the sound of your voice; he didn’t think he’d ever heard a more wonderful sound. he mentally slapped himself for the thoughts running rampant in his mind- no, you cannot fall in love with your best friend’s partner.

“h-hello” he stuttered, waving his hand at you cheekily. he grinned warmly, hoping to ease your obvious nervousness at being left alone with someone you barely knew. your muscles relaxed a bit at his smile, returning it with one of your own. his silly wave had drawn a chuckle out of you, and he couldn’t help but feel proud of it.

him, proud of making someone he barely knew laugh. he shook his head slightly at the thought.

“d’you want food?” he asked, offering forth the only thing he knew.

“sure, yeah!” you say, slightly more enthusiastic than before. he led you to the pantry, allowing space for you to choose a snack.

“wanna watch a movie or something?” he suggested, scratching the back of his head, “clay just bought a new horror movie i was gonna watch”

“why not?” you shrugged.

he strides into the living room, flopping on the couch and turning on the tv. he switched on the movie. you sat down gingerly a few feet away from him on the couch. the movie began, and sapnap found himself enjoying your silent company. he kept catching himself looking at you as your eyes tracked the movement on the screen. the living room was dark, light from the tv reflected across your face. it flicked as each scene changed, casting different light on your skin.

he didn’t even notice when something apparently scary happened, your muscles tensing and slight jumps were his only indication. he moved discreetly closer to you in an attempt to calm you. your fingernails were digging into your palm. one particularly scary part caused you to grab his hand unconsciously, and sapnap found it hard to focus on anything else, the contact dizzying.

another scare. your nails were digging so far into his flesh he felt sure it would draw blood, but he didn’t care. he pressed his thigh to yours in an effort to calm you. it did.

the movie was nearly over. you were practically using him as a shield, but he didn’t mind. your face was buried in his shoulder, hand gripping his knee. sapnap thought he might pass out, feeling light headed from your proximity.

then the lights flipped on, casting a shadow on the stiff figure in the doorway.

punz.

he strode angrily to where you and sapnap sat

“what the fuck are you doing.” he demanded, yanking your arm, and subsequently you, away from sapnap. the dizzy feeling left, replaced with rage at what punz had just done. you shook your wrist as if he had hurt you.

“chill the fuck out br-“ punz cut him off

“not you. them. what are you doing, you stupid fuck? I left for an hour and you’ve just cozied up with my best friend?”

“i-” you began, but punz cut you off.

“shut up. we’re going home.” he growled, stalking out the door. you looked to sapnap helplessly. he grabbed a piece of paper off the end table and scribbled his number on it, shoving it in your hand and closing your fist. you gave him a grateful look, hurrying out the door like a scared mouse.

sapnap sank to the couch, head in his hands. he had never been this conflicted over one of his friend’s partners before.

he’d never been this conflicted over his choice of friends before.

he did the only thing he knew to do- call his roommate.

clay almost always answered, but for some reason, his phone rang without an answer. sapnap looked at his screen quizzically,

more cracks formed.

on that day, sapnap had sworn three things. three rules he promised himself never to break.

RULE ONE: ALWAYS ANSWER THE PHONE

it was 3 am, any sane person would be sleeping. sapnap was, in fact, a sane person. he was asleep. at night, he turned his phone to do not disturb. no calls went through.

except yours.

his phone rang, ringtone set to the loudest, most annoying ringtone as incentive not to ignore it and go back to sleep. he rubbed his eyes groggily, hitting the green button to accept your call.

“sapnap?” you whisper.

“y/n? it’s 3 am, are you okay?” he asked, suddenly awake.

“punz is mad. do you think you could come pick me up?”

anger coursed through sapnap’s veins. part of him wanted to march his ass over there and knock punz’s teeth in. fortunately, the more logical part of him chose not to, knowing that punz would only take it out on you.

“i’ll be there in five,” he said, trying to keep the anger from edging into his tone. he hung up quickly.

RULE TWO: NEVER GET ANGRY

he drove to the house you and punz shared. he took deep breaths, attempting to calm down before he saw you. he parked on the street, seeing you sitting on the porch. you ran to his car as soon as you saw it.

you didn’t have a bag, he noticed.

you pulled the door open and jumped in, buckling quickly. your knees were shaking. he snaked his hand over slowly and gently, being sure not to startle you. it landed on your thigh, warmth slowing the shaking of your knee.

he pulled in a nearby parking lot. he looked at you, movements deliberately slow. something in the backseat fell over, and you flinched. sapnap felt the anger stirring again, knowing punz was why you were so on edge. punz had you terrified and dependent on him.

“please tell me you aren’t going back.” sapnap said quietly.

“i- punz is just mad, he’s a good guy.”

sapnap held back everything he wanted to yell in that moment.

punz doesn’t care about you

punz isn’t a good guy

i’m not letting you go back there ever again

but wouldn’t that make him just like punz? would keeping you away from punz make him the bad guy?

“why do you stay with him?” sapnap asked, genuinely curious.

“he’s- he’s my boyfriend! i love him!” you exclaim, hurt in your eyes.

“but does he love you?” sapnap muttered.

cracks, cracks, cracks.

“you just don’t see it, sapnap. he does love me.” you reassure him, but it feels more like you’re reassuring yourself. sapnap sighs, restarting the engine.

“at least stay with me for a few days until he cools down. please.” he almost begs.

“fine. i don’t have anything with me though-”

“it’s okay, you can wear some of my clothes or something.” he waves his hand dismissively.

he pulls into the driveway, hopping out the door. he unlocks the door to the house.

“you can take my bed” he says.

“where’ll you sleep?” you ask.

“couch” he mumbles, beelining for the soft pillows.

“no way i make you sleep on the couch.” you argue.

“no way i make you sleep on the couch.” he returns. “we can share my bed.”

the both of you are far too tired to argue more, flopping on his bed and crawling under the covers. sapnap is glad clay sleeps like a log.

RULE THREE: NEVER BREAK THEIR HEART

sapnap wakes before you do. you have your head buried in his chest, his arms hang loosely around your waist. he’s never seen you so peaceful.

the peace is suddenly broken as you jolt awake, muscles tensed and body rigid. you scrabble at the blankets in a panic. he drops his arms from your waist.

“y/n?” sapnap asks, gentle but firm. your eyes open wide, meeting his soft amber ones. you start to sob, collapsing in a heap in his arms.

“what did he do to you?” sapnap asks, rubbing your back. you hiccup.

“he, he uh” you trail off, looking at sapnap.

“if he hurt you i swear…” sapnap trails off, remembering to soften his tone.

sapnap’s phone buzzed, and he sat up against the pillows to grab it. you sat up next to him.

it was punz calling.

he motioned at you to remain quiet, picking up the phone.

“punz? what’s-” punz cut him off again.

“where are they.” he demands

“what? what do you mean?” sapnap asked, playing dumb.

“y/n. where are they?” he asked, tone growing gruffer.

“calm the fuck down, they stayed at my house last night.”

“what” punz seethed.

“that’s what happens when you gaslight and then kick out your partner, punz- they call the one trustworthy person they know.”

you smile weakly at that.

“where the fuck are they.” punz demands, fully yelling at this point. you flinched.

“sitting right next to me, asshole.” sapnap says, impressively keeping his cool. he rests his hand on yours to try and calm you down.

“you fucker.” punz growls.

punz hangs up. you kiss sapnap’s cheek.

“wh-what” sapnap stumbles, pink blooming on his cheeks. you rest your head on his shoulder, feeling peaceful.

the peace doesn’t last, however, when sapnap hears a harsh knocking on the door. dream is somehow still sleeping. sapnap swings his legs over the edge of the bed, heading to the door. you trail behind, wearing shorts and his hoodie. he opens the door to a seething punz, blond hair tousled as if he just woke up.

“what the fuck do you want” sapnap mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

“my partner.” he replies

“they aren’t property, and you don’t get to command them.” sapnap responds calmly, blocking any entrance to his house. you stand behind the brunette. punz spots you, immediately pleading for you to return.

“y/n! can we not fight anymore, please?” he begs

you don't respond.

“y/n, please. i love you!” he keeps trying, only to be met with two steely glares.

“sapnap doesn’t care about you. i do”

“sapnap answers the phone. sapnap doesn’t yell at me. sapnap didn’t break my heart” you say, determination in your voice. sapnap has never admired you more.

“stop this bullshit, y/n. you need me!” punz exclaims.

“i don’t need you for shit, punz.” you spit. you step forward, taking sapnap’s hand.

“we’re done, punz. leave” you demand.

“oh, what are you going to do? no one will love you. you’re dumb, and ugly, and a little pussy. i’m the only one who will ever love you, y/n.” he spits.

“they’re smart, hot as fuck, and braver than you will every be. i love them, stupid bitch” sapnap curses.

“wait you-” you trail off, turning to him.

“can i kiss you?” he whispers, gently bringing a hand to cup your cheek. you nod in confirmation. he presses a soft kiss on your lips, leaning his forehead against yours. he turns back to punz, hand balling into a fist.

“and for you, punz.” he says, punching punz in the nose. the blond cups his now bleeding nose, backing away.

you grin, feeling safer than you have in a long time.

even ceramic hearts can be mended.

a/n- if i can’t make people smile, i will make them cry ( @bunarise )

tags- @allywritesforfun @cr3scentm0on @pixviepie @dukina @wrenqueenisboss @n3r0-1417 @azumakina

[liriostigre]

hey! I wanted to ask what your favorite poetry books are? I have a few but I want to read new and interesting stuff, and I trust your taste :D

hiii ♡

tbh i only started reading poetry collections like,, last year. i'm subscribed to poetryfoundation's newsletter (poem of the day) so i usually just read random poems

anyway, i'm not sure my recs could be considered new (cause i'm gonna start with Mary Oliver ♡) but feel free to message me if you want to know the themes, style, feeling (vibes, if you will) or anything you want to know about these collections. for now, i'm linking my favorite poems in each collection, i hope this helps you choose! ♡

here you go:

Dream Work —Mary Oliver (“Wild Geese.” “Dogfish.”)

Red Bird —Mary Oliver (“Summer Morning.” “Love Sorrow.”)

Blue Horses —Mary Oliver (“To Be Human Is to Sing Your Own Song.” “Loneliness.” “Little Crazy Love Song.”)

The Wild Iris —Louise Glück (“Sunset.” “Retreating Light.”)

Haruko/Love Poems —June Jordan (“On a New Year’s Eve.” “Mendocino Memory.” “Toward a City That Sings.” *under the cut)

Extracting the Stone of Madness —Alejandra Pizarnik (“Primitive Eyes.” “Summer Goodbyes.” *under the cut)

Ariel —Sylvia Plath (“Tulips.” “The Rival.”)

Prelude to Bruise —Saeed Jones (“Postapocalyptic Heartbeat.” *under the cut)

Absolute Trust in the Goodness of the Earth —Alice Walker (“Coming Back from Seeing Your People.” *under the cut)

I Must Be Living Twice —Eileen Myles (“Edward the Confessor.” *under the cut)

Teaching My Mother How To Give Birth —Warsan Shire (“Conversations About Home (at the Deportation Centre.”)

The Black Unicorn —Audre Lorde (“Hanging Fire.” “Sister Outsider.”)

Bright Dead Things —Ada Limón (“The Riveter.” “Glow.”)

Night Sky With Exit Wounds —Ocean Vuong (“Thanksgiving 2006.” “Logophobia.”)

Postcolonial Love Poem —Natalie Diaz (“Manhattan Is a Lenape Word.”)

Crush —Richard Siken (“Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out.”)

Once —Alice Walker (“So We've Come at Last to Freud.”)

“Toward a City That Sings” by June Jordan

Into the topaz the crystalline signals of Manhattan the nightplane lowers my body scintillate with longing to lie positive beside the electric waters of your flesh and I will never tell you the meaning of this poem: Just say, ‘She wrote it and I recognize the reference.’ Please let it go at that. Although it is all the willingness you lend the world as when you picked it up the garbage scattering the cool formalities of Madison Avenue after midnight (where we walked for miles as though we knew the woods well enough to ignore the darkness) although it is all the willingness you lend the world that makes me want to clean up everything in sight (myself included)

for your possible discovery

“Primitive Eyes” by Alejandra Pizarnik

Where fear neither speaks in stories or poems, nor gives shape to terrors or triumphs.

My name, my pronoun — a grey void.

I’m familiar with the full range of fear. I know what it’s like to start singing and to set off slowly through the narrow mountain pass that leads back to the stranger in me, to my own emigrant.

I write to ward off fear and the clawing wind that lodges in my throat.

And in the morning, when you are afraid of finding yourself dead (of there being no more images): the silence of compression, the silence of existence itself. This is how the years fly by. This is how we lost that beautiful animal happiness.

“Summer Goodbyes” by Alejandra Pizarnik

The soft rumor of spreading weeds. The sound of things ruined by the wind. They come to me as if I were the heart of all that exists. I would like to be dead, and also to go inside another heart.

“Postapocalyptic Heartbeat” by Saeed Jones

I. Drugged, I dreamed you a plume of ash, great rush of wrecked air through the towns of my stupor. And when the ocean in your blood went toxic, I thought fire was what we needed: serrated light through the skin, grenade in the chest—pulled linchpin. I saw us breathing on the other side of after. But a blackout is not night; orange-bottled dreams are not sleep. II. I was a cross-legged boy in the third lifetime, empire of blocks in my lap while you walked through the door of your silence, hunting knife in one hand, flask in the other. I waited for you until I forgot to breathe, my want turning me colors only tongues of amaryllis could answer for. It owned me, that hunger, tendriled its way into my name for you. III. In a city made of rain each door, a silence; each lock, a mouth, I walked daily through the spit-slick streets, harbingers on my hands in henna: there will be no after Black-and-blue-garbed strangers, they called me Cassandra. (I had such a body then.) Umbrellas in hand, they listened while they unlistened. there will be no no. after

the world will end no.

you are the reason it no. ends

you no. IV. I didn’t exactly mean to survive myself. Half this life I’ve spent falling out of fourth-story windows. Pigeons for hair, wind for feet. Sometimes I sing “Stormy Weather” on the way down. Today, “Strange Fruit.” Each time, strangers find me drawing my own chalk outline on the sidewalk, cursing with a mouth full of iron, furious at my pulse. V. After ruin, after shards of glass like misplaced stars, after dredge, after the black bite of frost:        you are the after, you are the first hour in a life without clocks; the name of whatever falls from the clouds now is you (it is not rain), a song in a dead language, an unlit earth, a coast broken— how was I to know every word was your name?

“Coming Back from Seeing Your People” by Alice Walker

Coming back From seeing your people You were So wonderfully Full Of yourself.

But now You have supped With vampires They have fed Feasted On you.

They arise Bright-eyed Fit.

You alone have lost Not only Your sleep But also Your glow The luster of Affection Heart welcome Your people Sent home With you.

Beloved You must learn To walk alone To hold The precious Silence To bring home And keep the precious Little That is left Of yourself.

“Edward the Confessor” by Eileen Myles

I have a confession to make I wish there were some role in society I could fulfill I could be a confessor I have a confession to make I have this way when I step into the bakery on 2nd Ave. of wanting to be the only really nice person in the store so the harried sales woman with several toned hair will like me. I do this in all kinds of stores, coffee shops xerox shops, everywhere I go. And invariably I leave my keys, xeroxing, my coffee from the last place I am being so nice. I try so hard to make a great impression on these neutral strangers right down to the perfect warm smile I get entirely lost and stagger back out onto the street, bereft of something major. It’s really leaning too hard on the everyday. My mother was the kind of woman who dragging us into stores always seemed to charm the pants off the cashier. She was such a great person, so human though at home she was such a bitch, I mean really distant. I imitate her and I don’t do it well. She didn’t leave her wallet or us in a store. I’m just a pale imitation it is simply not my style to open the hearts of strangers to my true personhood. I hope you accept this tiny confession of what I am currently going through. And if you are experiencing something of a similar nature tell someone, not me, but tell someone. It’s the new human program to be in. It would be nice for at least these final moments if we could sigh with the relief of being in the same program with all the other humans whispering in school. I can’t quite locate the terror, but I am trying to be my mother or Edward the Confessor smiling down on you with up-praying hands. I am looking down at the tips of my boots as I step across the balcony of the church excited to be allowed to say these things. Outside my church is a relationship. On 11th street this guy and this woman are selling the woman so they can get more dope. All their things are there, rags and loaves of bread and make-up. And there was— this was incredible. Two men lying by the door of the church giving each other blow-jobs. They were sort of street guys, one black one white. I said hey you can’t do that here. They jumped up, one spit come out of his mouth. If you don’t get out of here I’ll call the cops. Don’t call the cops we’ll go, we’ll leave. That was a shock. That was more than I expected to see in a day. Something about seeing the guy spit come out of his mouth. He didn’t have to do that. I guess I scared him. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was scared too.

[inkdemonapologist]

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

nEW SESSION (summary here!), where there’s been an unexpected development to the music issue and its time to [checks my notes] taLK TO THE PROPHET AND BREAK INTO SUSIE’S APARTMENT??? Also, the Prophet and Joey have made.... a truce(???), Prophet is concerned Sammy isn’t going to stay on task now that music is returning and has left him a sort of alarming note, and Jack is uh, trying to hold, too many things, maybe some things he shouldn’t be holding, Jack please put those things back,

anyway heres a stack of out-of-context quotes from our session under the readmore:

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Jack] My favourite thing is, there are so many reasons that Henry could've avoided things that I have no idea WHY Henry isn't affected. [Jack] Like, is he not affected because his art isn't a performance? Is he not affected because he warded his house? Is he not affected because he'S FILLED WITH GLOWING BLOOD?!?

[Jack] He got as far as feeding his cat, and I feel like feeding cat isn't a performance-- [Sammy] Not usually, not unless you sing a song to your cat, which-- [Jack] Awww! [Sammy] -- which, now that I've said that, sounds like something Jack would do actually,

[Sammy] Ohhhh, that's right, Joey just heard some people play some bad notes and start panicking, and then he stood up and passed out, [Jack] Which is probably how Sammy feels every time he hears people mess up music!

[GM] He finds news on the radio, but they’re not talking about that right now. [Joey] What are they talking about? [GM] Something mundane; business or sports or something. [Jack] The, the sportsball team, got a…..uh….. a, a point. Congratulations, sportsball,

[Joey] If the sportscasters sound normal, then Joey is instantly VERY ANGRY.

[Henry] Henry’s not very musically inclined, but he knows some songs, [Sammy] Like, can you hum Twinkle Twinkle Little Star -- [Jack] “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.”

[Jack] Jack has made a vague list of the kinds of people who seem to be affected. [Jack] There’s also “NOT HENRY?????” with a bunch of question marks in this list.

[GM] He’s told that Peter is out of town for a week. [Jack] Hmm. [Sammy] PETER WHERE ARE YOU GOING? [Jack] Hmmmmmm. [Sammy] Jack, is Peter coming here, to check on you, [Jack] HMMMMMMMMMMMMM,

[Sammy] *exasperated* NPCs Stop Getting Involved In The Occult Challenge [Henry] Stop Getting Involved In The Occult Or Draw 25

[Joey] Peter had never seen a Bendy cartoon, and this needed to be fixed. [Joey] The premier is this weekend, and he sent tickets to Pete to correct this, error, in his ways. [Jack] ...I think it is very slowly dawning on Jack, that this means that Pete has been pulled directly into yet another… supernatural nonsense... [Sammy] WE DIDNT DO THIS ONE!!

[Sammy] I CAN’T BELIEVE PHONES ARE THE ANTAGONIST OF THIS ADVENTURE

[Henry] Oh wait--! oh, no, nevermind, I forgot he and Allison probably aren’t together yet. [Sammy] Yeah, I think they just met; they had a meet-cute where they found out they both like Frankenstein and that’s it. [Jack] They actually got married today, since nothing else was happening at the Studio, [Sammy] That’s why Allison hasn’t shown up, she was busy getting married!

[GM] Bendy might’ve been keeping tabs on Henry, but it depends I guess on how distressed Joey is seeming. [Joey] Joey is probably just going to bury his sorrow in studying magic. [GM] Okay! That’s fine and normal Joey behaviour!

[Sammy] Sammy will note that nothing got done in the music department, because he has good priorities.

[Jack] I like the idea that it’s just like, when the teacher isn’t in, and nobody does the work the substitute teacher gave you, [Jack] Everyone’s just playing pokemon in the back, [GM] I thought you were going to say “poker,” but I like the way you ended the sentence better.

[Jack] HMMMMMM. I wonder if we know, any suspicious women, who were around on that specific day, who are known to have, skill and interest in magical things,  [Joey] And also were aware of the cutouts, [Sammy] *cheerfully* Yeah, weird! Anyway!!!!

[Jack] Sammy was acting weird about Allison. Far too agreeable for a Sammy!

[Sammy] *talking about Prophet* If you want to lock him in somewhere, or restrain him, I’ll cooperate. [Jack] Just handcuff him to Jack! [Sammy] SAMMY IS UNEASY WITH THAT PLAN, [Jack] *laughing* What could go wrong! It’s not like Jack is significantly less strong or anything!!

[Jack] Not everyone makes up their entire self, Joey!!! (Affectionate)!!

[Sammy] I give my word, my sheep! [Henry] How good is your word? [Sammy] I mean. It’s pretty good.

[Henry] Henry’s trying to decide if it would be rude to doodle during this very serious conversation. [Jack] I mean, Jack is taking notes, so I feel like-- [Joey] --you can get away with fake note-ing. [GM] No one will know! [GM] Well, Bendy will know, because he’s up high. [GM] Ceiling Bendy

[Sammy] He’s not gonna give you a grade afterwards, like, this isn’t a lecture, [Jack] Time for Prophet Pop Quiz!

[GM] What’s Prophet writing? [Sammy] Um, I gotta think about this... [Jack] “Dear Frightened Shepherd, that Allison person sure is nice, isn’t she?” [GM] “What’s up with everyone ragging on her?” [Joey] “I think I have finally found a way to bridge the gap between us!” [Jack] “I think you need to replace your sheep, they seem kind of suspicious for no reason,” [Jack] “To Do List: Get Better Sheep”

[Sammy] Does this feel like something that’s trying to take his focus, like, very compelling creative ideas? [GM] Yes. [Sammy] ...Prophet will write “don’t get distracted” five more times.

[GM] His mind is abuzz with thoughts of dancing and actoring, [GM] Ideas to be the best Joey ever! [Jack] Oh no.

[Joey] He will wave at the cutout and make a “come here” motion. [Joey] Though also, he’s looking at the cutout like, I’m not quite sure how this works, but I’m going to trust you that it works! So I’m going to do this and see if Bendy shows up! [Jack] Like someone trying to learn how to do phone video calls for the first time, [Joey] YES. Joey’s actually like really close to the cutout, and the motions -- you can make them out, but it’s really awkward,

[Sammy] They’re in no danger. I will take care of the Shepherd’s sheep. [Jack] ...JACK’S BEEN DOWNGRADED!! He’s no longer PROPHET’S sheep!

[Joey] I like how everything Prophet says really just feels like, Knife Cat face.

[GM] You could probably make a Mythos roll to figure it out. [Joey] *rolls* Oh! Extreme success! [GM] Joey’s back!

[GM] Bendy will lead Joey back to the room, where hopefully there are three alive, non-fighting boys!

[Jack] Part of me was like, “What if Jack DOES turn into a cat…?! It’d be pretty hard to write things!” [GM] *laughs* We’ll keep that in our back pocket, in case Jack ever fails a Mythos check. [Jack] Meowthos check…

[Henry] I’m going to have Henry look, look with his Special Eyes.

[Sammy] *failing a roll* Prophet is just, NOT on the ball today, in any way shape or form. [GM] Really hard not to think about music. : ) [Sammy] Ohhhhhh boy, [Jack] Prophet just writes a note to Sammy that says “HOW do you LIVE like this???”

[Henry] Henry’s gonna try to scribble what he remembers of the symbol!  [Sammy] Didn’t we learn, from the last scenario, about reproducing weird symbols, [Henry] No.

[Joey] Did Joey get burnt? [GM] Make a dexterity roll! : ) [Henry] *mumbling* Y’all this entire building is made of wood. *Joey fails* [GM] 1 point of damage, you singe your hand -- on the plus side, you kind of were holding it as it burned up, so it doesn’t fall on the wooden floor. [Sammy] OH GOOD, we’re not LOCKED IN A CLOSET that’s about to burn down? GREAT!

[Joey] We could head over to the infirmary -- [Jack] Jack is already pulling the burn ointment out of his bag. [Jack] He’s prepared this time! [Jack] He’s been practicing, he knows what you’re all like,

[Joey] Joey will give him a smile that’s most recognisable as the “I know you will do good!” smile. [Sammy] Prophet will also smile! It is not a friendly smile. [Jack] It’s a “smile” in quotation marks, but it’s like, baring your teeth as an act of aggression. 

[Jack] Jack lets him go to do the call, but just before he picks up the phone, he says, “Don’t call him Petey.”

[GM] The phone rings, and is not answered. [Joey] Okay! Joey hangs up, says Peter checked into his room, but is not answering. Most likely asleep. [Jack] Half of my brain is going, “what if he’s just stood outside Jack’s house?” The other half of my brain is concerned about manias. I hope he’s not decided that now is a really great time to do more writing, and now he can’t stop, and this could go wrong-- [Jack] This is what Jack’s mind is doing, thinking of all the terrible possibilities. [Joey] While humming. [Jack] ...yes. He’s writing some very troubling lyrics.

[Sammy] *talking about Jack’s compulsive humming* Like Cornifer, [Jack] *starts humming Cornifer’s theme* Dangit, now it’s in my head, why would you do this to me? [Sammy] It’s in character! [Sammy] Method acting. : )

[Joey] Joey’s going to grab supplies to make sure Bendy can… hang around with them! [Joey] Sleepover supplies! Let’s grab your sleepover bag! :D

[Sammy] I don’t know why the idea of a wild Bendy running around across the rooftops is so cute to me… [GM] Probably on all fours, [Jack] Scampering,

[Jack] It’s a good thing Henry’s around because I don’t think Jack can… carry??? An entire Sammy??? [Jack] Like he’s good at holding but he’s not strong at holding.

[Joey] We’ve all been acting terrible for the last 24 hours… [Joey] WAIT. We’ve all been acting terrible for the last 24 hours!!!

[GM] Bendy hides under a blanket or something. [Jack] Comfey… [GM] Cozy boy, [Joey] Bendyrito. [Sammy] BENDYRITO,…….. [GM] Rolled up… snug...

[GM] Is everybody coming into the apartment, or just the two? [Jack] Hmmm….. Jack isn’t fond of either of these options. Going in is suspicious and weird; staying outside makes it look even more like they’re breaking in, to steal things, as opposed to, y’know, breaking in, for,,, “good” reasons(???) [Sammy] We’re not breaking in, we’re just walking into this apartment! What’s so weird about that?! [Jack] That’s breaking in. That’s what breaking in is, Sammy. [Sammy] They don’t have to know that we don’t belong here, maybe Susie gave us a key! [Jack] ...they heard us knocking. [Sammy] [Sammy] We’re BEING POLITE!! SHUT UP!!

[Henry] Jack, did you pick up kleptomania.. [Joey] I thought Jack picked up Being Prepared! [Jack] H-he’s just hoarding a little bit!! It’s fine!!! It’s very, useful, see, already Joey got injured!! It was useful to bring lots of things with him okay!!!!!!!!!

[GM] They do not have the police called on them, so that’s nice. [Sammy] Oh good! [Jack] Thank GOODNESS. [Henry] Love when that happens! [GM] If you guys got arrested, the Lurker’s just out in the car all night, [Henry] oh NO, [Jack] Worse punishment than jail… [Joey] Lurker learns how to drive for fun. [GM] *laughs* Gets curious, [Joey] “I said I wouldn’t leave the car, but--”

[Joey] WAIT. There’s a very important factor that we just decided but didn’t say. [GM] Oh? [Joey] If we have Henry heading home, and everyone else sleep over at Jack’s…. [Joey] ...the Lurker finally gets to meet a cat. *everyone gasps* [Jack] Oh that’s SO important

[Henry] And Henry will probably look at these, while in the car, to make sure they don’t have any gold writing on them-- [Sammy] Isn’t Henry driving??? [Henry] ……Henry is not going to look at them in the car,

[Sammy] We’re all going to bed, Sammy, you don’t need a banjo to sleep! [Joey] You might sleep worse if you have a banjo, actually. You might not stop.

[Sammy] Jack you wanna join us? We’re gonna just jam all night! [Jack] It really is Jammy… [Sammy] *laughs* TRUE Jammy!! Real Jammy Hours… [GM] That makes it a pyJAMa party… a real jammy jam…

[jdrizzle15]

Her Second Return

Just like all of you, and especially my fellow Penny fans, I am absolutely devastated by the Volume 8 finale. I had been in quite a state these last few days, utterly heartbroken, and actually nauseous at times. It feels strange to me to be legitimately grieving a fictional character, but it’s not a bad thing to feel this way. To me, this just shows that CRWBY loves her just as much as us to have written her so well that we connect so completely with her, that it feels like we lost an actual piece of ourselves when she’s gone.

But as you can probably tell by the title, this mega post isn’t gonna be about accepting this end, not in the slightest! Today I want to share canon evidence that can point towards another return of our beloved quirky red headed cinnamon bun! I’m here to spread this hope that I and others in the Nuts & Dolts dolts Discord server have!

I have this separated into many different sections to keep these thoughts organized. With that said, here goes…

A Father’s Words:

In Episode 7 of Volume 7, ‘Worst Case Scenario’ we learn the origins of Penny’s aura, and thus her soul. We also learn that it takes more aura each time she’s brought back. This leaves open an option that could be used at a later point.

Many people theorized that Pietro could indeed revive Penny one more time, which he would absolutely do. But there also lies the possibility that someone else could donate some of theirs, I’m not sure about this as I feel like it’s akin to blood donation where compatibility matters or there's a high risk of altering her, but the possibility is definitely there.

Now, the conversation in Chapter 5 of Volume 8, ‘Amity’ that Pietro and Penny have is an important moment for both Father and Daughter. It was there to show how her death in PvP all that time ago really did have a heavy impact on him and is still affecting him to this day.

Instead of continuing to pretend that everything is A-okay, like he had done for most of Volume 7, he finally lets his true feelings about how it come out to Penny for what is quite likely the first time. Even going so far as to say "Are you asking me to go through that again?" when she offers to take the risk of trying to lift Amity with her power. He wants Penny to be able to live her life.

This entire scene with Pietro established “this is what will likely happen” even if circumstances are much different now, it doesn’t negate the fact that this is a key part of Penny’s story. Scenes like these have a purpose beyond simply making an eventual death all the more heart wrenching. Her never actually getting to live her life makes those scenes basically moot. It makes them effectively pointless from narrative point of view. Unless there's more to it.

Building Relationship:

The build up between Ruby and Penny the last two volumes has been absolutely phenomenal with a definite destination in mind, and this doesn’t feel like that destination. So much of the arc of this season was to help Penny. This girl that our main protagonist absolutely adores and treasures, it would just be awful to throw all of that out for what amounts to an avoidable end. Why use so much of their precious and very limited runtime on deliberately building up this relationship only to end it abruptly, and permanently, when they’re separated?

In my opinion, RT is definitely smarter now than to intentionally set up what was really looking like a budding gay relationship only to kill one of them for good. If N&D wasn't actually going in a romantic direction, why would they leave in all of the romance-adjacent stuff that they got, that's not how ‘just friends’ act. And that is not something you use such valuable time building up for absolutely no pay off whatsoever...

Representation of Hope:

At its core, RWBY has always been about hope. It’s not at the forefront the whole time, but there's been an underlying theme of hopefulness that has persisted since it began. Some describe the show as a Hopepunk, I personally find this to describe RWBY really well. This genre of storytelling is about caring for things deeply and the courage and strength it takes to do so. It’s about never submitting or accepting the way things are. Fighting for what you believe in and standing up for others. RWBY fits all of this extremely well. How does this relate to Penny? She has been shown to be a sign of hope for everyone, but especially for Ruby, the main main protagonist. A prerequisite for a Hopepunk story is the hope.

Her first death in V3 was something that fundamentally changed Ruby. For the first time in the series, we see our main character all but broken by this event. With the loss of Penny, immediately afterwards, Ruby’s hope followed. She made up for it through determination and force of will. We see it affect her multiple times throughout the journey to Volume 7. But upon her return in V7, Hope reached a high point for everyone, the sheer relief on Ruby’s face is plain to see!

In V8 chapter 5 ‘Amity’, Penny literally raises hope by lifting the arena into the sky so Ruby could spread her message. And when she falls, and Amity with her, the connection is lost and hope plummets again. From there things take a very negative turn with the hack begins to take Penny’s agency.

In chapter 11 ’Risk’ is the point in the arc where everyone is reunited for the moment, so two separate hero stories are no longer a thing at that point in time. For the time being focus seemed to be shifted to care about the characters and how they’re going to solve the current problems. This is also where Ruby reaches her lowest emotional point in the season.

It’s not huge, but it’s interesting how connected this is. Before Ruby and Yang share a good cry over learning the possible fate of Summer, Yang brings up restoring optimism and hope to Ruby after the younger sister storms out of the room in frustration. This is where Penny’s scenes take up the rest of the episode. Getting Penny back in control of her own body and safe again is what makes the ending of the episode much brighter, when just 5 minutes before Ruby had been distraught and scared. This then spills over into the group coming up with the plan to use the staff, putting the main group in a much better mood. Of all the things to go right, it’s interesting that it’s Penny.

Things go wrong with the plan in the end and Penny dies. I find it interesting that once again, Penny got them hopeful in their chances of doing something right. Given said plan succeeded but at the cost of Penny of all people, Penny is shown to be the beginning and end of hope for them

The highest and lowest points for hope seem to directly correlate to when Penny’s around. When she comes back again, hope will return too, just like it had before. And because she’ll likely be back for good this time, the second return will probably be close to when Ruby is nearing the complete abandonment of hope. This would be pretty par for the course of the show honestly.

A little aside, but in a sense, Penny also represents Unity. The CCT in Vale fell after her first death, knocking out global communications and the unifying connection it gave. When it was restored for the briefest moment, she was there. Her body connected so she could allow for its launch, her soul lighting the night to hold up Amity with every ounce of her strength. So of course when the Hack succeeds and she falls, she takes global comms down again with her. At a smaller scale - even at the Hack's second last attempt to control her, she draws everyone in the Schnee Manor together. At the start of the volume, Yang states the one thing that they all agree on is not surrendering Penny.

Unity seems appropriate for one whose first song and wish was for but one friend, who would go on to find so many more in the process, and permit for a moment the possibility of all Remnant becoming friends once more. Where she first died, the name of the episode devoted to her story - Amity, "friendship", from the Latin root amicus, "friend" - she almost lives and dies with the very possibility of a united Remnant. It's no wonder she's a priority target for Salem, the great divider, and it seems natural that her next restoration may very well allow the next bid to bring the world together.

The Void Screams:

Moments after Penny's death, we hear a weird scream in the void space. It was a guttural, pained, angry scream, almost like the void space itself was crying out. All the portals shuddered and flickered when it happened.

Some think that this scream was Salem returning, but that happens earlier than Penny’s death, her return is signaled with cinder's arm acting up. We know this because after the arm finished flailing uncontrollably, Cinder said triumphantly "she's back." If it were Salem screaming, it would have happened after she fixed herself, but it didn't.

And I doubt Cinder would have been surprised or unsettled by it considering she was happy Salem returned not long before it. And why would a Salem scream affect the portals anyway, she has no connection to the staff or it's magic.

Another thing to consider is the fact sound is not transmitted through the portals. Otherwise, they would've heard Oscar and the rest calling for them, or the screams of the citizens of Mantle and Atlas. This lowers the possibility of that scream being from Salem even further.

The sound really seems to be coming from something else entirely within the void, and that something is not at all happy. There’s also the fact that Penny was the only person who died in the void space, everyone else was just thrown out of it like Ruby and Co. The only logical cause to me is Penny. Her body was a product (or byproduct) of the same creation magic that made the void space, her blood seems to have been a trigger.

Now I can't be sure about it, but this makes me feel like Penny is almost a part of creation itself? For whatever this thing is to be so angry, that is the only explanation I can think of currently. But all of this could possibly relate to the Narnia allusion of 'the willing victim killed in a traitor's stead' that others have brought up, which will be covered next.

Narnia Parallels:

Atlas has several parallels and references to fictional places (putting aside real world ones like the United States). One of those is that of Narnia, both on the surface and on a deeper level. It is a land of winter year round, where people struggle to survive and there is a present divide between those loyal to the current Monarch and those who are not. James is a parallel to Jadis, the White Witch, a ruler whose thoughts and cares aren’t exactly centered around the actual well being of the people. The hologram table in Ironwood’s office is designed to look like stone, like the Stone Table which features prominently in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He has a handpicked cadre of special agents/secret police, like how Maugrim and his wolves served Jadis. Another key parallel is how Jadis’s winter sets in to oppress and kill everyone in Narnia, but the Witch provides aid and protection to her loyal followers. She has all the power to spare harm to others, and uses it only for the loyal. As soon as Mantle splits from James and Atlas, no care is taken to protect them from the cold of Solitas even though he has every ability to turn the heating grid back on. His protection is only for the loyal.

Now that the parallel is established, let's look into the details. Starting with how James plays the role of Jadis.

"I had forgotten that you are only a common boy. How should you understand reasons of State? You must learn, child, that what would be wrong for you or for any of the common people is not wrong in a great Queen such as I. The weight of the world is on our shoulders. We must be freed from all rules. Ours is a high and lonely destiny." These are the words Jadis says in the Magician’s Nephew to justify the blood civil war she and her sister had waged for rulership of Charn, before she came to Narnia. She won that war, technically, but only after the last battle had been lost and her sister had marched right up to her so that they were face to face. Jadis’s troops were dead, her followers had surrendered, and the capital was under full control of her sister. But, she still had one card, one ultimate play to win and prove the throne of Charn was rightfully her. The Deplorable Word, a piece of old magic that killed everyone and everything except for her on Charn. It was monstrous, senseless, cruel beyond measure. But it got her that hollow victory. This mindset, the disregard for the people except as tools for her own will, the ultimate ‘aoe’ destructive move that no one had even considered her using, the unwillingness to stop even when by all practical measures the war is over, is a shocking parallel to James. In many ways, he is Jadis in mindset and deed.

Then there is the shared desire for A Thing that both James and Jadis have. For James it’s the Winter Maiden and control over her. For Jadis it’s the Silver Apples from the Tree of Youth. And funnily enough, the Maiden Powers parallel the Apples quiet well. These apples grant power and a life of eternal beauty, but should not be taken or eaten on one’s own initiative. They must be given, a gift granted by another, or only suffering will come from obtaining them. "For the fruit always works — it must work — but it does not work happily for any who pluck it at their own will. If any Narnian, unbidden, had stolen an apple and planted it here to protect Narnia, it would have protected Narnia. But it would have done so by making Narnia into another strong and cruel empire like Charn, not the kindly land I mean it to be.” Jadis’s immortality, and some of her power, come from the fact that she ate an Apple of her own will after stealing her way into the garden where the Tree of Youth had been planted. She gained the eternal life she had wanted and the power along with it, but she did so by taking it and was cursed because of it. Her skin turned pale and her lips blackened as if she were a frozen corpse given life. She will be trapped in a life of misery and hate according to Aslan- oh hey Cinder, how’s having stolen the Power you always wanted working out for you? Cinder had the power she wanted, but she only got hungrier, eager to claim more and increase her might. But in her pursuit she was defeated and humiliated by Raven, had to steal her way out of Mistral, and then suffered defeat after defeat while in Atlas. Only in the end, when she didn’t keep pursuing the Maiden Power, did she get any kind of victory.

The reason these parallels to Narnia are so important is one of the most famous events of the series. The cracking of the Stone Table and the rebirth of Aslan after his death. ‘When a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.’ Well, the ‘Stone Table’ in James’s office has cracked, and Penny strikes me as a pretty willing victim. She has never actually committed any actual treachery or harm, as she was the Protector of Mantle, and fought for its and Atlas’s people until the very end. And because of her death, the actual traitor, Winter, who loyally served James until he had gone too far, was saved. Through Penny’s self sacrifice, Winter was saved. So now Death itself will start working backward.

(Major props to my friend @catontheweb for writing this section, I was getting nowhere with it, if they weren't there this part wouldn't exist!)

Norse Mythology:

The tree we see in the post credit scene gives off some serious Yggdrasil vibes. Also called the World Tree, it is essentially all of creation in Norse Mythology. It connects all nine realms, including the God realms of Asgard, the human realm of Midgard, and the underworld of Hel.

Humans are born from the branches of Yggdrasil. The web of Wyrd is woven for every person once they're born, and their path is set from there regardless of how many times the souls cycle over. But at the end, they're destined to end up in one of the worlds, for a myriad of reasons.

I believe Penny landed closest to this giant tree. She was on the center platform in the void space, so if that space is directly above the island(?) the tree is on, it makes sense for her to fall by the center nearest to the tree. This would not only open up all kinds of possibilities for the volume in general, but it would also create options for Penny.

The whole of Yggdrasil’s representations fit well into Penny’s story. Birth, growth, death and rebirth. We can count Penny’s appearance in V7 as birth for now, her growth is all her development in leaving =the military and becoming a Maiden, her death just happened, and her rebirth would be her revival. And this is a cycle she’s gone through before.

The Norse god Odin and Yggdrasil have quite a connection. In one story, Odin cut out one of his own eyes to gain knowledge from a pool underneath Yggdrasil. The only one that fell whose eyes alone are incredibly significant to the story was Ruby. So, they could choose to have her allude to Odin by having Ruby make some kind of deal with whatever entity likely rules over this magical place. An eye for Penny’s life.

There’s another story about Odin, Yggdrasil and the pursuit of knowledge. Odin so loved knowledge, that he sacrificed himself in a quest to learn the deeper magic of runes. It was believed one could only learn the magic spells from runes in death. So, Odin hung himself on Yggdrasil for nine days as an offering, and teetered between life and death. After he mastered the last spell on the ninth night, he ritually died and all light was extinguished from the world. Odin’s death lasted until midnight, when he was reborn and light returned to the world.

This story doesn’t fit Penny perfectly, but allusions often don’t. So If she really did land near the tree, she could be another loose representation of Odin’s story here. What she did wasn’t for knowledge, but to save her friends and keep Cinder from getting the Winter Maiden power. She believed it necessary that she sacrifice herself to achieve this end. As we established, Penny represents Hope, so her death means the loss of hope. This parallels Odin’s story of his death meaning the loss of light itself. So if this theory holds up, it would make this death temporary, until her rebirth and the return of Hope with her once again.

Alternatively, Ruby has the potential of loosely representing Odin in this story as well. Odin later uses the knowledge of the runes to do many things, but the most relevant one right now is awakening the dead. Both of these stories are about making a personal sacrifice to gain something that is desired. Ruby would absolutely make such sacrifices if it meant saving Penny.

It is said that Odin lived “according to his highest will unconditionally, accepting whatever hardships arise from that pursuit, and allowing nothing, not even death, to stand between him and the attainment of his goals." This sounds like Penny's arc of accepting the WM powers. This is more just a general connection between Penny and Odin, but I found it interesting.

Side Note: I encourage anyone who’s interested to look into RWBY connections to Norse Myth, there’s a surprising amount of things that feel eerily similar to the show. Likely just coincidental, but it’s fun to think about!

(If I got any of this wrong, I sincerely apologize by the way. I researched as best I could, but I admit it could have been lacking.)

Ambrosius and the Staff:

Ruby told Ambrosius "we kinda wanna keep her around longer than that" as part of her very specific instructions. Then Penny died about ten to fifteen minutes, at the absolute most thirty minutes later in-universe. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems very short to be considered ‘longer than that’. Technically it is, but when writing a story and a character says something like that, you typically don’t just kill the character they were referring to basically right away. It makes sense for a week-by-week watch, but in a volume binge, which many viewers do, it becomes ironic how fast Penny dies after being removed from her robotic body.

The first time we see the staff of creation being used, it's to save Penny. Using the staff of creation to help Penny is a sign of how incredibly important she is.

They’ve even got this entire transformation sequence for her, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to throw all that away two episodes later. In a meta context, it’s a massive waste of time and budget considering the asset creation for Penny.

Penny is a character who has already hopped bodies two times. And now we're supposed to just believe that this time it really is a final death? Just two episodes after we were explicitly told her body isn't what matters, that "Her soul is who she is" and that "the mechanical parts are just extra"? From a writing perspective, it feels strange, like your breaking a promise right after making it. And frankly, CRWBY is better than that, which makes me think this is not the actual end for her.

A possible connection between Penny, Ruby, and the Staff (thus Creation) can be seen in the intro. As Ruby is falling and being dragged down into the darkness, she is shown reaching for the staff. In the void space, Penny is the one with the relic. So with Penny having this strong connection to Creation, and the lyrics “fight for every life” playing as Ruby reaches for the staff, it’s a safe assumption to make, with the knowledge we now have, that the Staff of Creation represents Penny in this particular moment. Which could mean that V9 will be about, at least partially, fighting for Penny’s life.

Musical Hints:

In terms of music, Friend, as a song for Penny, is very dissonant from the episode itself. The song is oddly cheerful for Penny’s recent untimely death, and it overall highlights the wrong parts of death. It’s simply too happy to be a song about losing one of the most, if not the most joyous characters in the entire show. The song also abruptly ends. There’s no outro, and while this could symbolize the fact that Penny died young, it could be that the song itself is unfinished in a story sense.

What do we hear just before the song finishes, though? A progression of notes that sounds eerily similar to the last line of the opening of Volume 8. The notes for “Fight for ev’ry life” and “Who fin’lly felt alive'' share a similar melodic structure, they aren’t perfect clones of each other, but they are incredibly similar, to the point where it seems intentional. Penny may very well be the life that the opening song is fighting for. It is also worth noting that the line “Fight for every life” comes just after “Sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall,” which is the exact wording used for the description in the Volume 8 finale. Team RWBY risked the fall, yet, strangely the opposite of fighting for every life happened with Penny’s sacrifice. Perhaps the time to fight for every life has yet to happen, and we will see it come Volume 9.

For another thing, the lyrics for Friend are entirely centered on Penny’s feelings for Ruby, to the point where they read very much like a bittersweet love song. The music itself is incredibly cheerful, as mentioned previously, creating a mood whiplash with the end of the volume. Why would we hear a song about Penny’s feelings for Ruby, sounding like a love song, if her death is supposed to be a tragic sacrifice akin to Pyrrha’s? The song may very well be giving a clue into its future use in the show proper.

If this was meant to be a good bye song, why make it so cheerful and romantic sounding? There's only one part about her dying and even then, it's just too accepting and goes right back into cheerfulness. The song is also pretty hopeful, telling Penny's story in a fairly chronological order. And the part where she talks about sacrifice is quite pointedly followed up by one about feeling alive. It also ends with the super cheerful chorus, the word "alive" being the last... (Remember the episode title: The Final Word)

(I want to thank my friend @shadow-0f-x for writing the majority of this section! I was struggling to choose how to tackle it as I am not well versed in music theory.)

What We Didn’t See:

It is likely that Penny understood Jaune's semblance better than him and figured something out about it’s abilities in the same way that she understood Ruby's semblance better than her. She had plenty of time to observe his semblance up close as he boosted her aura to stave off the virus. Because of that intentionally timed cutaway in the finale, we don’t get to hear her explain herself after her strained “Trust me.” All of that seems really suspicious to me.

Pyrrha Parallel:

Pyrrha and Penny both sacrificed themselves to stop or stall Cinder. Jaune tried to convince the both of them to stop. With Pyrrha, he failed, while with Penny he actively helped her sacrifice herself. Doesn’t make sense for the guy who was determined not to let anyone else do what Pyrrha did, unless of course Penny assured him she’d be alright.

The Moment:

RT including the suicide hotline in the description shows that they're aware that Penny basically committed assisted suicide, seeing it as a noble sacrifice worth doing to save her friends. They're aware, and I believe they're smart enough to condemn that decision to hell and back.

The best way to do that in my opinion is to pull her back into the land of the living and let her witness first hand the consequences of throwing her life away so freely. This would show Penny how her actions affected others so maybe she could learn to truly value herself. To not think herself expendable. It would be bold and unwise to portray this choice as something good, unless it was going to be called upon later and be pointed out for how horrible it really is.

On top of this, Penny was way too content with her death, happy even. There's no way team RWBY is letting her stay content with it. It’s almost as though we're supposed to join Ruby and Co. in calling bullshit on what Penny is saying and doing because no, Penny, this is not how things are meant to work. It's as if Penny was basically saying "I want to die for my friends" because most of the volume had been about everyone else making sure she didn't die. She knows it will hurt them. She knows.

At the peak of it all, a choice like this will totally destroy Ruby. It may very well be her breaking point for Volume 9. Curiously, the moment itself is written like it’s the first choice Penny’s ever made, yet the entire Volume shows this isn’t the case. However, this is the first choice that Penny’s made solely independently and it’s rather pertinent that the choice she makes is a mistake. Outside of giving Winter the Maiden gift and saving the day temporarily, this sacrifice will not have any lasting positive effects. Jaune will be saddled with the grief of killing Penny. Ruby will have to live with losing her best friend and not being able to protect her a second time, and Winter now has the burden of the Winter Maiden abilities, making her a target of Cinder. This is a bad thing, and Penny needs to see the long term consequences.

Transfer of Power:

As we all know, colors in RWBY are really important and get a lot of focus in the show. That means the yellow we see as Penny gives Winter the Maiden Powers was intentional and likely important, no matter how insignificant it may seem. It’s possible that the transfer effect being yellow could have something to do with Jaune’s semblance. When Fria gave the power to Penny, the effect was very much blue, so this transfer should have been green since she was the one giving it this time. The weirdness of this transfer and the focus on color in RWBY really makes it look like something’s up with how that went down.

A little off topic, but Penny saying "I won't be gone, I'll be part of you." makes me think... Winter is smart, so when she gets time to think about what Penny said, maybe she'll arrive at the same question many in the audience came to; if she's literally part of Winter, can they be separated again? If Winter starts questioning that, the possibility of Penny coming back just skyrockets.

Fria actually tells Penny "I'll be gone" before giving her powers up, which is an interesting contrast to Penny telling Winter "I won't be gone". She may have gotten that line from Winter be all philosophical in V7, saying Fria was now a part of Penny, but it hits differently coming from an actual Maiden. S5o it’s possible that Maidens usually actually will be gone, but Jaune's semblance did something to change that.

This could go well with the theory that they won't need to find an aura transfer machine, or build another one, because Jaune will have a semblance evolution allowing him to do the transfer instead. It might actually be that this evolution already happened and the golden light we saw was Jaune transferring penny's aura to Winter in some way?

An observation that I find interesting is when Penny gives winter the powers, not only is the aura yellow but penny completely glows yellow too, and she obviously starts to disappear, but she doesn’t seem to fully disappear, she just glows.

It's possibly a fading out effect and she does fully fade but animation makes bright light easier, and so we don't actually see her disappear because she's dead and not gone. But it does once again emphasize the color yellow here!

And the color is coming from Penny, it does go up Winter's arm a bit, but Penny is clearly the source. This transfer is so weird and I’m not really sure how to interpret it. There's just actually no reason that we are aware of to make the effect yellow here is the thing. Unless it has something to do with either Jaune or Ambrosius, or potentially a combination of both...

Jaune’s Aura:

The way we see Jaune's aura break in the finale is strange. His aura shouldn't be breaking here. It had been long enough since he was boosting Penny, he's had time to recharge, and it didn't look like it was a strain on him at all. Plus, we know he has a lot of aura, so there probably wasn't too much to recharge in the first place.

He has a massive amount of aura, it has never broken before as far as I remember. Even if it has though, that doesn’t make this occurrence any less odd. It should absolutely never be a one-hit KO. We didn't see anything that would've drained it, that should not have been enough to break his aura. Unless he did something - something that would require a huge amount of aura - that we just didn't see. That amount of aura drain is far more than just an attempt at healing would do, Jaune absolutely did something with his semblance that took up almost all of his aura.

Pinocchio Allusion:

As any Penny fan knows, her character allusion is Pinocchio, the puppet who became a real boy. Penny deviates from the allusion by having always been a real girl, as Ruby is quick to point out, but she shares many story beats with her original story including multiple deaths. In the original story, Pinocchio dies from being hung by his own strings due to his poor decision making and he dies. Sounds a little familiar, does it not? This is where his tale originally ended. Readers were unsatisfied with this ending however, so the author decided to change the story by reviving Pinocchio and teaching him to be more careful.

Unlike Pinocchio making all the wrong decisions, Penny often makes the right ones, or ones she thinks is right, when concerning others. While usually a good thing, this has meant Penny almost giving herself up multiple times during V8, her last attempt being successful. This is where Penny and Pinocchio begin to share similarities again. They are both very reckless when it concerns themselves. This carelessness comes from different places, but it ends with the same result of them endangering their lives and even sometimes losing them.

In the Disney movie, Pinocchio dies by drowning after going to rescue Geppetto and washes up on the shore (like the beach in V8’s post credit scene). His father is devastated and takes him home to grieve, but as a reward for his selflessness in rescuing his father, the Blue Fairy returns and brings him back to life, as well as granting him humanity. Penny sacrificed her life as well, and it stands to reason that she should be rewarded for it, much like her allusion was.

Penny got her maiden powers from someone with blue aura and then gave her powers to someone with blue aura. So it could be that not only Ambrosius, but Fria and Winter as well represent the Blue Fairy. It could be set up for Winter helping to bring Penny back to life once more. It’s an out there theory I admit, but it’s not outright impossible either. The Blue Fairy in Pinocchio saved him three times that I know of, so RWBY having three representations does make sense.

Geppetto wished for him to live as a real boy, but it depended on what path Pinocchio took. This is very reminiscent of Penny and Pietro. Pietro wants to see her live her life, and surely with him absent in V8C14 that didn't work, despite Penny choosing. Her father did not see her happy enough to live her life, and will only be able to learn her death through others. But Pinocchio's themes were life and being alive. So the likelihood that this is not her end yet is quite high!

A Girl That Fell Through the World:

Penny could be the girl who fell through the world. The girl in the story fled the consequences of a choice. The only person who chose her ultimate fate was Penny. The others were pushed into the void, but she chose to die. The consequence of her choice is Ruby’s grief first and foremost, which Penny won’t see. The girl who fell through the world does come back though, and the world will be changed severely with Penny’s absence. Alternatively, it could also be Penny coming back to Wonderland or wherever they currently are, as long as it’s unrecognizable to her.

What Returning Brings:

Others might say another return would have no story relevant purpose, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Penny gives a profoundly youthful, joyous, and wondrous outlook on the world and story that we hadn't seen since Ruby in Volumes 1-3(not the end), Penny returning would bring a much needed levity back in after the despair they will undoubtedly be going through. While not necessarily a huge thing in most other shows, for RWBY, a show largely about keeping up hope, an ounce of such relief is a necessity.

As much as I hate saying it, Penny’s death does actually make some narrative sense because she had to pass on the Maiden powers. (They could have done this in a number of ways, and I personally think they chose rather poorly, but I digress.) Throughout this whole volume, we can see Penny seemingly being set up to join the main cast, but would have been too strong with the powers. This also accomplishes ridding her of the burden of responsibility that comes with being a Maiden and lets her obtain the freedom that’s so important to her character.

Once she returns, seeing this grief that her actions caused, particularly to Ruby, will get her to realize more that her actions can have serious repercussions. She made a choice, but that choice hurt the people she loves. She must have known that it would but I’m not sure she ever realized just how much.

I didn’t want this post to be heavy in the shipping department, so I largely left it out, but I am going to say this one thing that could have an impact. If Nuts & Dolts is on its way to being canon, which this volume makes it feel highly likely, this could be a catalyst.

It could prompt an arc for the both of them in which Penny learns to live her life fighting for her loved ones, rather than sacrificing it for them. A relationship could potentially start from there. And Ruby seeing Penny learn these things may also help her to stop doing the occasional but very dangerous and reckless things she does. Ruby witnessing Penny coming to terms with what she did to the people that care about her would actually make her stop to think “wait, is this how everyone else would feel if I got myself killed?” That would be a very important moment of character growth for her.

I’m certain there are other significant things that Penny returning can bring to the show. And there are definitely more sections I could add to this. At this point though, assuming anyone even made it this far, I think I’ve been going long enough already. So let’s just roll into the outro!

As painful and hopeless as it seems, I'm choosing to trust them with this because there is absolutely no way they didn't see backlash coming. The way this finale went makes me think that they calculated for backlash and aren’t jumping into something they don’t have a plan to recover from. Whether this trust is unfounded or not remains to be seen, but I don’t think it is currently. I do think, however, that the cause of this backlash was a major misstep. Now that it has happened though, they have a chance to do something good with it.

I know for a lot of you, trust in CRWBY has been damaged, some even irreparably so. And for those that feel this way, I don’t blame you. My trust in them took a hit too, but isn’t broken completely yet. There are many ways that they can bring her back that would make sense with the narrative, they have the ability to make it right, and after going over all of the hints and general weirdness of things many times, I think they will.

I'm feeling pretty confident now and I really didn't expect that to happen at all to be honest. But discussing and theorizing with the discord server seriously helped get my hopes back up surprisingly fast! It’s actually thanks to all of them that this gigantic post even happened! So thanks a ton my fellow Dolts! And a special thanks to!!

@arcana-amicus

@catontheweb

@cosmokyrin

@gaydontmesswithme224

@jammatown919

@shadow-0f-x

They really helped get this thing across the finish line!

And thank YOU for reading all~ of this! I sincerely wish it gave you some of the hope and confidence that I now have!

[tillidontneedfantasy]

A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 9th Studio Album: ‘evermore’

“My collaborators and I are proud to announce that my 9th studio album and folklore’s sister record is here. It’s called evermore,” is how Taylor Swift introduces us to this album in its foreword. One might assume a “sister record” would entail b-sides, or tracks that didn’t quite make the cut for folklore, despite Taylor’s explanation that “we just couldn’t stop writing songs.” evermore’s release came at a strange time, upon the heels of the Folklore: Long Pond Studio Sessions film on Disney+, as well as 5 Grammy nominations for folklore. The world still captivated by folklore, it’s understandable why one might not consume evermore as critically. Even as a die-hard fan, I felt some whiplash by this announcement; I am still processing folklore! Hell, I’m still processing reputation!

If this was the Taylor from two years ago, this may have been a big enough fear of hers to hold off on releasing evermore. But as she explained upon folklore’s surprise release, life is too unpredictable now, and there are zero givens or guarantees. So she followed the same path this time (although making sure it fell in line with her birthday weekend). But it’s not just the strategic timing of the release that she’s thrown out the window for now, but also her mindset whilst making records. As she explains in the evermore album foreword,

“I’ve never done this before. In the past I’ve always treated albums as one-off eras and moved onto planning the next one as soon as an album was released. There was something different with folklore. In making it, I felt less like I was departing and more like I was returning. I loved the escapism I found in these imaginary/not imaginary tales. I loved the ways you welcomed the dreamscapes and tragedies and epic tales of love lost and found. So I just kept writing them.”

This is a revelation for Swift, to let the music lead her into artistic freedom, which is what makes evermore such a triumphant return. Truly folklore’s sister record, Taylor wrote evermore with the same creative team: Aaron Dessner of The National (Swift’s favorite band), long-time pal and collaborator Jack Antonoff, Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, and William Bowery aka Swift’s boyfriend, Joe Alwyn (as officially revealed in the Long Pond Studio Sessions). Additionally, former 1989 tour openers and close friends of Taylor, the HAIM sisters, join the crew, along with Marcus Mumford for some dreamy backup vocals.

The production is just as wistful and mesmerizing as it was on folklore, yet the storytelling on evermore is kicked up a notch, expanding on the topics and worldbuilding established in its sister record, with even sharper lyrics and an effective and elaborate use of alliteration. The best thing about Taylor is that no matter what she does, her masterful lyricism is always at the heart of her art, and somehow, she keeps getting better. Once again, I wanted to explore the rich stories she’s crafted in this woodsy universe. This is how I’ve interpreted the album, but I hope you find your own meaning in the songs as well.

1. willow It is fitting that the opening track to folklore’s sister album, where we wade further into the forest that is Taylor Swift’s imagination and storytelling, would center on the type of tree that is a symbol of hope, belonging, safety, stability, and healing. “willow,” one of the few more obviously autobiographical tracks on the album, is a hymn of gratitude for her man (as she wants you to know, yes, thirteen times), Joe Alwyn, and how the invisible string tethering them together pulled her to him in a time when everyone else was counting her out. Though not as present on many of the other songs later to come on this record, you can feel the lightness in her heart on this song as she embraces the way in which the willow has bent, wrecking her plans, throwing her into the water and leaving her happily lost and afloat in his current. The downward key modulation throughout the last two repetitions of the chorus is beautiful and very fitting for Swift vocally, but also sounds like the feeling of finding your comfort and settling into it, basking it in while you wait for the next place the wind pulls you. Best lyric: “Now this is an open/shut case / I guess I should’ve known from the look on your face / Every bait and switch was a work of art.”

2. champagne problems On the second track of the album, Taylor dives back into the fictional worldbuilding she began to explore on folklore. While on folklore high school relationships and dramatics took center-stage, evermore graduates from adolescence to young adulthood, not that it is any easier emotionally on the listener’s heart. “champagne problems” chronicles a rejected marriage proposal between two college sweethearts at their old dorm building. Taylor sings as the narrator, a reflective, self-deprecating young woman who jokes about belonging in a madhouse and dismisses all her turmoil as champagne problems. The term ‘champagne problems’ itself could have various meanings here: their trivial concerns, the fact that their “sister splashed out on the bottle” of champagne that they will not be using to celebrate as they had hoped, or perhaps it could even hint that excessive drinking is a piece of all the ways the narrator is “fucked in the head,” as they said. Although the person she is singing to is the one who got hurt in the story, the hurt in the narrator’s heart is just as palpable and relatable, because you only have yourself to blame when you self-destruct. Best lyric: “’She would’ve made such a lovely bride, / what a shame she’s fucked in the head,’ they said / but you’ll find the real thing instead / she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred.”

3. gold rush On her YouTube live chat prior to the album’s release, Taylor explained that this song “takes place inside a single daydream where you get lost in thought for a minute and then snap out of it.” The daydream consists of a love story so pure that the town had never seen such a thing; it could only happen in a fantasy for the narrator. How could she possibly have the gall to call them out on their contrarian shit, or end up with her Eagles t-shirt hanging from their door, when they are so coveted by all, and when she cannot withstand the thought of even competing? She sings, “My mind turns your life into folklore / I can’t dare to dream about you anymore,” a sweet little connecting piece to this album’s older sister, effectively convincing herself out of the idea of jumping into the chaos of the gold rush because even inside her own imagination it’s too dangerous. Best lyric: “I don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘till the bone crush.”

4. ‘tis the damn season According to Aaron Dessner, Taylor had written the lyrics for “’tis the damn season” in the middle of the night amidst their Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions recording after a long night of chatting and drinking with their co-conspirator, Jack Antonoff. The lyrics perfectly encapsulate the guttural ache the track evokes. It is a tale of two people who always find their way back to one another in their hometown, which acts as the ever-returning fork in the road. The path taken, back to L.A. in pursuit of her dreams, is the one she chose and continues to choose, but whenever she returns home, she takes a ride down the road not taken, just to get a taste of what could have been, even if just for the weekend. What starts off as an icy homecoming always transforms into the warmest intimacy. The success of this track is aligned with the success of Taylor’s entire career; even with such specific details, it feels so deeply personal to the listener. You know the street you’d drive along late at night laughing, the spot you’d park the car, the person who stars in every what-if. You will never really know if the road not taken is as good as it seems, but that might be ok; sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality, anyway. Best lyric: “It’s the kind of cold / fogs up windshield glass, but I felt it when I passed you / There’s an ache in you / put there by the ache in me.”

5. tolerate it Inspired by the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, “tolerate it” is an agonizing track from the perspective of a devoted wife who polishes plates and paints portraits and waits by the door for her husband with a battle hero’s welcome, who at best tolerates all her adoration. There are few things as painful as idolization being met with indifference, when you have all this love to give to someone who just leaves it there untouched. “tolerate it” captures that desperation for the approval you know will never arrive, but you sit and watch, waiting for it just in case you’re wrong, but you know you’re not. Best lyric: “I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life / drawing hearts in the byline”

6. no body, no crime feat. HAIM “no body, no crime,” the one evermore song solo-written by Taylor, has the clearest plot from beginning to end. In the same vein as the female powerhouse country classic “Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks, Taylor is out for blood to avenge her friend, Este (named for one of the HAIM sisters). The story goes as such: Este’s husband kills her for calling him out on his infidelity, and then Taylor kills the husband and frames his mistress. The HAIM girls, who are long-time friends of Taylor’s and former touring mates, lend their vocals to reinforce the accusation on the husband and to provide Taylor’s alibi. “no body, no crime” is so far the closest we’ve gotten to a return to “country Taylor,” proving that she is still the master of a killer country tune (yes, pun intended, it had to be done I’m sorry). Best lyric: “Good thing Este’s sister’s gonna swear she was with me / (she was with me, dude) / Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

7. happiness Written a week before the album’s release, “happiness” is one of Swift’s strongest and most reflective breakup songs. Although she writes it as though it is recent, there’s a lot of power in knowing that she’s been happily in love for four years, and that she is even better now at doing the thing that has always been best at. She is finally “above the trees,” as she sings, and is able to see it all for what it is, but her character is still in the heat of it all, trying to navigate the stages of grief when a relationship ends. We see the narrator grapple with many of those stages throughout the song. Most striking is the anger displayed in the second verse when she sings: “I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you / No, I didn’t mean that, / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury.” That section is jarring and feels like one of the most honest moments in a Taylor song, the insanely difficult emotional balancing act when we are grieving a relationship. The devastation of loss can distort our perception, and a part of that is the difficulty of understanding how multiple seemingly opposing things can co-exist in our hearts, such as happiness because of someone and happiness after them. But when you leave it all behind and finally find your place above the trees, you can find happiness after someone and also look back and appreciate the happiness they once provided. Both of these things can be true. Best lyric: “Showed you all of my hiding spots / I was dancing when the music stopped.”

8. dorothea Taylor Swift has the uncanny ability to create such developed and well-rounded characters with such little information, which is what makes her storytelling so compelling. In “dorothea,” we learn much about the title character through the narrator’s eyes, and the relationship they once had. The lyric “skipping the prom just to piss off your mom and her pageant schemes” alone tells an entire story in itself. “dorothea” is also the companion song to “’tis the damn season,” just from the other person’s perspective, which helps shine even more light on the story. The narrator of “dorothea” reveres her but wonders if she’s still the same soul in L.A. as she was back in their never-changing town. Whatever the answer, they’re still willing to support her no matter where she is, but she’s always welcome back in Tupelo by her hometown love’s side if she ever just wants to be herself rather than someone known for who they know. Besides, they’re the only soul who can tell which smiles she’s faking. And you can always return to the road not taken. Best lyric: “They all wanna be ya / but are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers? / Well, I guess I’ll never know / and you’ll go on with the show.”

9. coney island feat. The National What really started the folklore / evermore journey was Taylor’s love for The National. Taylor has cited them as one of her favorite bands for many years, and as we know, this led to her beautiful new collaborative relationship with Aaron Dessner. So it would make sense for the track written with the intention of this duet to be so well executed; you can feel the love and care Taylor put into writing this song. In her press for these sister albums, she has spoken about trying to channel frontman Matt Berninger’s writing style. But what actually happened was she just produced her own signature lyricism at its sharpest. “We were like the mall before the internet, it was the one place to be / the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams / sorry for not winning you an arcade ring over and over,” is a hall of famer Swift-ian lyric. “coney island” explores the confusion, hurt, and self-reflection when a passionate affair burns out fast because you did not prioritize that person. And to top it off, Swift and Berninger’s harmonies are achingly beautiful, transporting you right there in the story, on the bench, wondering, over and over. Best lyric: “Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? / Will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

10. ivy Leave it to Taylor Swift to make a song about an affair sound so romantic, and so sympathetic to the narrator, that you’re rooting for adultery. “ivy” tells the tale of a woman in a lifeless marriage, likening her home with him to the tombstone that the widow in town visits each day. I like to think this is the same wife whose husband was out there building other worlds without her in “tolerate it,” because then that means she found someone who celebrates her love, who holds her pain for her, who blooms all over her; they started it, but she’s fighting for it all the way to the end, nonetheless. “ivy” showcases Swift’s gorgeous vocals and her sharp lyrics, with a melody so infectious it is bound to permanently plant its roots in your dreamland. Best lyric: “Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland / my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you.”

11. cowboy like me With the beautifully blended backing vocals of Marcus Mumford, “cowboy like me” is an entrancing love story of two con artists who lost at their own game and got conned into forever with each other. She’d gone from swindling old men for their money and fancy cars to falling victim to the danger of dancing with someone who only has eyes full of stars, and she knows she’ll pay for it. “cowboy like me” is one of the most romantic tracks on the record, proving that life never plays out quite as we plan. Best lyric: “Now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon / with your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con.”

12. long story short One of the more pop-sounding tracks on evermore, “long story short” is pretty much a summary of the long story behind reputation (2017). The song is filled with various metaphors for her reputation crumbling around her, and then finally putting her defenses down to be with her lover, someone as “rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky.” It is a sweet ode to her boyfriend, and a gentle comfort to her past self that it will all work out. But it is also an oddly relatable example of how we shrug off our struggles and minimize them to just a “bad time,” when the time she is singing about was obviously something that deeply affected her (as will be further explored in the title track); but sometimes it actually feels good to just shrug it off as just a blip in your life, because at the end of the day, you survived, and that’s what counts- even if you’re not keeping score anymore. Best lyric: “Pushed from the precipice / clung to the nearest lips / long story short, it was the wrong guy. / Now I’m all about you.”

13. marjorie Whereas track 13 on folklore was a tribute to Swift’s paternal grandfather, evermore’s track 13 is a tribute to her maternal grandmother, Marjorie Finlay, who was an opera singer in the 50s, and passed away in 2003 when Taylor was 13 years old. “marjorie” is quite possibly the most touching track Taylor has ever written thus far in her career. Grief is one of the most difficult topics to tackle in a song; the genius of “marjorie” is that it is simple, yet not understated. Swift reflects on the profound lessons she learned from her grandmother, about the difficult balances of kindness and cleverness, and politeness and power. She curses herself for not cherishing the moments she had with her, for complaining rather than understanding in the moment how admirable her spirit was, for all the amber skies she’d love but will never see. The chorus, blunt and hard-hitting, reminds us that someone does not have to be living to be alive, to be all around, to be with us. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing to me now,” Taylor sings towards the end of the song, right before you hear a sample of Finlay’s opera singing in the background, a truly eye-swelling moment. It is clear that Finlay played a pivotal role in Swift’s own ambitions, as she sings, “all your closets of backlogged dreams, and how you left them all to me.” Marjorie knew she was leaving them in good hands. If you haven’t yet, check out the moving lyric video for the song, where you can see photos and video clips of Marjorie, both throughout her career and in her time with Taylor. Best lyric: “Never be so polite you forget your power, / never wield such power you forget to be polite.”

14. closure On the most experimental track musically on the record, Taylor writes off her need for closure from a relationship of some sort, whether it be romantic or platonic or business, all of which can cause hurt of equal intensity. The subject of the song is trying to make nice with Taylor, and she is just not having it, as it is not coming from a genuine place, but rather to ensure that their life remains picture perfect, or to clear their guilty conscience, or to preserve their own ego. This is a deeply relatable sentiment; as valuable as forgiveness can be, sometimes the person who hurt you just doesn’t deserve it, and all you can do is forgive yourself for blocking their number or shredding their letters. Best lyric: “I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life / staying friends would iron it out so nice.”

15. evermore feat. Bon Iver To close out the standard edition of the album, Taylor joins forces once again with Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, with whom she collaborated on the Grammy-nominated duet, “exile” for folklore. However, Swift leads most of the track this time, lamenting the difficult time she went through in 2016. The piano and Swift’s vocals are haunting, particularly when she describes this time in her life as “catching my death,” consumed by a pain that she feels will never end. If you’ve ever been depressed, you know what that feels like, and the dark places it leads you. Although she is singing about a time four years prior, it sounds so present, and it is heartbreaking to hear her in such a state. When Bon Iver comes in, the tempo of the song picks up, the piano riff becomes more erratic, like a winter storm hitting you in the face, and he voices all the anxieties of the cost of such a downfall. But through those anxieties, Taylor finds not a cure, but an anchor in love, and then the tempo slows back down. By the end of the song, Taylor has the foresight to understand that although it may not feel like it now, the pain she is experiencing is not permanent (a sentiment my therapist has been trying to instill in me for years). In her Apple Music interview with Zane Lowe, Taylor explained how the lyrics parallel the times we are in currently, and so it feels really special to have the album end with someone who knows how it feels to be imprisoned by your pain gently comfort us with the wisdom that “this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.” I hope one day soon, as we leave 2020 far behind, we can all truly believe her. Best lyric: “I was catching my breath / barefoot in the wildest winter catching my death.”

16. right where you left me (bonus track) The first bonus track on evermore, “right where you left me,” captures a moment so earth-crushing, a piece of you is trapped in it forever. In this song specifically, the narrator finds herself stuck in the same corner of a restaurant where she was told by someone she loved that they had met someone else. “Glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on,” she sings in mourning. We have all experienced those moments that we could teleport back to if we just closed our eyes; the scenery, what you wore, the smell and taste of the season, the very point in your body where it felt like your insides were collapsing. Or that one particular person, who is long-gone from your life but seeing them is like time-travelling back to that person you once were, ready to pick up where you left off. But as much as you want to stay in that moment forever, just in case it changes in your favor, the cold reality is that the world stops for no one. Best lyric: “If our love died young, I can’t bear witness / And it’s been so long, but if you ever think you got it wrong / I’m right where you left me.”

17. it’s time to go (bonus track) “right where you left me” was Taylor’s cry for help to get out of restaurant, and “it’s time to go” is the answer to the call, as she sings in the first line, “when the dinner gets cold, and the chatter gets old / you ask for the tab.” This song is about gathering the strength to leave situations and relationships behind that no longer serve you. She grieves the betrayal of someone she thought to be a twin from her dreams (almost definitely referring to former friend, Karlie Kloss), acknowledges that keeping a marriage together for the sake of the kids often actually has the opposite intended effect (possibly- but not certainly- something she and her brother experienced), and recounts attempting to bargain with someone consumed by greed, only able to leave with herself (absolutely referring to the end of her fifteen-year long business relationship with Scott Borchetta, her former record-label owner). But as painful as leaving all of those situations was, Taylor has gained the wisdom to understand that walking away sometimes takes as much strength as persevering. You can’t stay at the restaurant, or at the mercy of someone else forever; you have to forge your own path, even if it’s in the opposite direction of what you envisioned for so long. And even with all her past success behind her, as folklore and evermore have proved, there is so much more ahead of her. Best lyric: “That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul / You know when it’s time to go.”

In a time where we are all trapped in our homes and in our heads, the folklore/evermore experience has been the sweetest escape. If anything, the creation of these wonderful sister records has taught me that our most powerful tool in times of distress is our own imagination. Even just the ability to close my eyes while listening to one of these tracks and feel the character’s story is a gift. The way I’ve always been able to pick up Harry Potter and escape to Hogwarts when I’ve felt alone and friendless, I can listen to folklore and evermore when I feel scared or hopeless and escape into this enchanted forest Taylor has built, where I can climb above the trees and see it all for what it is. I feel so lucky to watch Taylor’s imaginative world unravel around me. I can’t wait to see what she creates next.

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I would literally die for this bitch.  

[panvani]

Mochizuki Jun The Case Study of Vanitas Anime da Vinci Interview - pt. 1 -

An interview with MochiJun about Vanitas was uploaded to Anime da Vinci, and while I’d seen a lot of partial translations, I haven’t spotted a full one. This is my attempt. Corrections and suggestions are gladly accepted. The link to the original is at ddnavi, appended with interview/808972/a/. Since the interview is pretty long, I’ll be breaking it up into three parts.

The opening paragraphs of the article are just the same summary/promotional lines from every other official Vanitas source, so I won’t bother translating them again.

To summarize its contents: Mochizuki talks about inspiration for Vanitas and her time in Paris, how she wants to make people want to go to Paris, and a little spoiler.

She conceived the character of “Vanitas” during her first trip to France...

- Please tell us the details of how The Case Study of Vanitas was born. What kind of idea created this work?

Mochizuki Jun: Aahh, how far should I go back... ahaha...? For my next work [after Pandora Hearts] I’d been thinking, “I want to draw either vampires or a school setting~” and I conceived the character of “Vanitas” during my first trip to France. While sightseeing in Mont Saint-Michel, I mused on drawing “the story of a single vampire who’d watched over an island for something like one hundred years.” Everything else about The Case Study of Vanitas came from that one idea, and the general forms of Vanitas and Noé were born there.

MJ: There were a ton of things I thought about doing for my new serialization after Pandora Hearts, like increasing the number of romance and battle elements. With regards to battle scenes... to be honest, when I was drawing Pandora Hearts, the head editor told me to cut down on them since “you kind of suck at this,” and I wanted to give up. I started thinking, though, like “I don’t draw them so of course they suck! If I drew them more, they’d be good!” and frantically studied to improve with every volume. I have to get way better at anatomy and the composition of fight scenes in comparison to my last work... is what I thought.

- What drew you to vampires in particular? If there are any vampire stories you especially like, please tell us.

MJ: I don’t remember exactly what the first vampire I ever saw was, but when I was little I was really impacted by the movie Interview with the Vampire [based on the novel by Anne Rice.] When I watched it, I was captivated by the tragic and fleeting existence of vampires, as well as the blood sucking scenes, so those ideas were planted firmly in my mind. Plus, it probably had an effect on my fondness for stories with a dynamic between a young man and a girl. This is a little off-topic, but it’s actually where I got the name for the Crimson-Shell protagonist. [The two main characters of Interview with the Vampire are Louis du Pont, a young vampire man, and his adoptive daughter Claudia.]

- Why did you choose to set the story in 19th century Paris? What sort of impression did your first visit to Paris leave?

MJ: Paris was the first place I’d ever visited outside of Japan, so I thought it was huge. I’d been invited as a guest to Japan Expo, and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding the entire time I was on the plane. Everything I saw seemed so new. Noé and I shared our kind of joy for Paris.

MJ: Since then, when taking personal trips overseas, I’d pay really frequent visit to this on-site publishing house in Paris. Their accompaniment for every question or problem I had when it came to any aspect of French culture was really helpful. Since I’d been so blessed to have them, I was able to go into writing ready, thinking “yeah, I’m gonna draw a manga set in France!”

- Yamaguchi Ryuu-san, who got his start designing for Final Fantasy, produced some fantastic drawings of the Paris Catacombs and Notre Dame Cathedral for The Case Study of Vanitas. That being said, it’s interesting how your Paris has not the Eiffel Tower, but a huge “Tower of the Sun” in construction to conflict with the real Paris. Please tell us about any difficulties you’ve experienced when drawing Paris.

MJ: I’m always troubled by the balance between “where I should stay true to the Paris of this time,” and “where I should create a false Paris.” I’d be super happy if this manga made someone take the chance to go to Paris. So, I had a strong passion to invite favoritism for Paris, and wanted that “the manga backgrounds should be the same as Paris!” There are falsehoods in my Paris, but the designs were taken from the real, present day world.

- With such names as the unresolved Beast of Gévaudan Incident, the Marquis de Sade, and Dr. Moreau, never before has Paris been made to adopt such an uncanny and bewitching atmosphere. If you have anything that might be a little bit of a spoiler, please let use hear it.

MJ: The Paladins of the Catholic Church draw their motif from the legend of Charlemagne. The characters from Vanitas aren’t actually the same people as those in the legend, but I like to play around with the shared relationship dynamics and character traits. [”Paladins” refer to the twelve highest ranking Knights of Charlemagne from French mythology collected in what is known as the Matter of France- the most famous of these stories is called the Song of Roland.]

MJ: Then, all of the Malnomen have their motifs taken from fairy tales or famous works of fiction [i.e. Loup Garou, based on Little Red Riding Hood, and Naenia, based on the story of Faust.] At first I thought “well, it’s set in France, so I’ll limit myself to stories documented by Charles Perrault,” but by the second volume I’d expanded my boundaries to the Brothers Grimm and was getting my hands on other stories too.

Pt. 2 here.

Pt. 3 here.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S1:E4; Chapter Four, The Body- [Pt. 1]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘌𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘠/𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧.

|| 𝟑𝐫𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

Mike flips through the drawings Will had given him what seems like ages ago. He found himself unable to tear himself away from one of Will's favorites. It was the party. But they were their dungeons and dragons selves. Will the Wise stood proudly amongst his fellow party members. Together they stood triumphantly.

Mike was pulled from his thoughts at the sound of the feedback from the supercomm.

"Can you please stop that?" He asked exasperatedly at El, who sat in her fort fiddling with the device.

El looks to him, before returning to the com, the crackling of the feedback whining throughout the room.

"Are you deaf?" Mike snapped.

El was determined to keep tinkering away.

"I thought we were friends, you know? But friends tell each other the truth. And they definitely don't lie to each other. You made me think Will was okay, that he was still out there, but he wasn't. He wasn't! Maybe you thought you were helping, but you weren't. You hurt me. Do you understand? What you did sucks. Lucas was right about you. All along."

El's eyes bore into Mike's as he yelled at her. However, she sat there, unfazed before turning back to the com. With the final crackle, the distinctive voice of Will Byers rang over the comm and across the room. He was singing.

"So come on and let me know, Should I stay or should I go?"

Mike slowly looked up from the picture and towards El, goosebumps littering his skin. She was looking to him expectantly, blood dripping from her nose.

"Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now?"

Mike jumped off the couch and ran to El, who slowly handed him the walkie. Mike stared at it in disbelief as he listened to the unmistakable voice of his best friend.

"If I go there will be trouble. If I stay it will be double."

Mike gladly took the comm. His finger pressed firmly on the speaker button he practically yelled into the speaker. "Will, is that you? It's Mike! Do you copy? Over."

El stares at the boy, wishing she could help him more. Alas, she knew Will would be unable to hear him. The room was met with the dreaded static of the other line as Mike waited for a response that would never come.

He tried again.

"Will, are you there? Will!"

Mike saw the look on El's face, knowing she had done her best. He dropped his hand to his side.

"Was that...? Was it...?"

El gave Mike a bittersweet smile.

"Will."

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Michael? Hi, honey. How are you feeling?"

Karen poked her head into her son's room.

Mike stuttered as he lay under the blankets, and she crosses the room to sit at his bedside.

"I, uh... I don't think I can go to school today."

"Oh, that's fine, sweetie. I need to drop off Nance, then I'm gonna check in on Barb's parents. Why don't you grab a book or something and come with me? We can stop by the video store on the way back, pick out whatever you want. Even R-rated."

Karen offered, a small smile on her face.

"I think I just want to stay home today. I mean, if that's okay?" He asked, tentatively.

"Well, are you sure you're gonna be all right here by yourself?"

"I think so."

"Okay." She sighed, patting her son on the arm comfortingly."If you need anything, call Dad at work."

Mike softly nodded his head.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Karen leaned forward and kissed her son on the forehead before stepping out.

"Bye." Mike softly called after his mom.

She turned to him as she closed the door, a smile on her face.

"Bye, sweetie."

As soon as his mother closed the door, Mike jumped up from under the covers, fully clothed. He reached for the supercomm on his bedside table and extended the antenna.

"Lucas, do you copy? Lucas, come on, I know you're there! This is urgent. I'm serious."

Mike stood up from his bed, continuing into the walkie. "I'm not gonna stop until you answer. Lucas. Lucas!" He took a deep breath. "Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas... Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas--"

"Go away, Mike." Lucas had sat up in bed, frustrated as he extended the antenna.

"I'm not in the mood, all right? Over and out."

Before Lucas could close the supercomm antenna, Mike's voice had stopped him.

"No, not 'out.' I'm not messing around, okay? This is about Will. Over."

Lucas paused, not letting himself get his hopes up.

"What about Will? You mean about his funeral? Over."

"No, not his funeral. Screw his funeral!" Mike spits.

"What?"

"Just get over here stat. And bring Dustin and Y/n. Over and out."

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

I blink away the tears as I stare at the same wall my eyes haven't left since I woke up. Lucas saw me and Dustin off and made sure we got home. My whole body has been numb since last night. The image of Will laying lifeless on the gurney hasn't left my mind.

I never would have believed it but, I wanted more than anything to be at school rather than staying home today. Mom thinks it was the stress and trauma that made me sick today, but whatever it really is, she insisted I stay home.

I locked myself in my room as soon as I got home, Dustin had filled Mom in on what happened. She had woken me up this morning, apologizing and asking if there was anything she could do to help. But she couldn't do anything. Nobody could. Will, my best friend, is gone.

Apparently, I was burning up because Mom began freaking out when she felt my forehead. I didn't feel any different apart from grief and heartbreak.

"Alright, Pumpkin, I called the school and they know you're staying home. I wish I could stay with you but I can't miss another work day. I'll be back at the regular time, and you know what number to call if you need anything, right?"

I felt her hand rub my shoulder as I never broke eye contact with the wall. Tears were falling freely down my face, through my scalp and into my ears ears pillow. My left arm had become numb from laying on my left side.

"Mm." I couldn't even bring myself to speak.

"Bye, sweetie."

I heard her footsteps recede followed by the closing of my bedroom door.

I closed my eyes, trying to sleep. But every time my eyes closed I saw it all over again. Will being pulled from the water. I tried to push through it. But my mind began creating scenarios of how he fell in. Countless images of him stumbling over the cliff. Or even the horrific thought of his already lifeless body being tossed into the water by a faceless figure that I only assumed to be his murderer.

Countless, horrendous scenarios playing like a slideshow in my head and the second wave of pain washed over me as it felt as if someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart into dust, while another hand punched my gut.

I rolled over on my back, I felt the anguish surging through my veins and all the way to my fingertips as a wave of anger erupted from deep within. I heard items fall to the floor somewhere around my room and I figured that in my fit I had slammed my fists too hard against my bed, shaking the room somehow.

I quickly dismissed the odd thought and the second wave of hot tears streamed down my cheeks.

My palms began to sweat as I felt my body temperature rise out of what I could only assume was anger. That must be where my fever had come from but I still didn't understand how that all happened.

I was angry my best friend was taken away from me. I loved him, and he was the closest friend I have ever had. And now he's gone. I still refused to believe it yet my mind was cruel enough to replay the worst moment of my life everytime I close my eyes.

Sniffling, I wiped my eyes and sat up. I couldn't stand being alone with anything else to think about and I looked around my room for anything to take my mind off everything that's been happening.

My eyes scanned the room and then they fell on the all too familiar mix tape Will had lent to me just months ago. A bittersweet smile had made its way onto my face and I got out of bed. I put the tape in the boombox and pressed play.

"Should I stay or should I go?"

I sat listening to Will's favorite song and I felt a different wave of emotion wash over me for once.

I think it was a stubborn hope.