#just smth interesting that really isn’t an issue at all these days like I’ve never not known where to go next in a modern game

[clouds]

whenever I go back and play older games I realize how difficult it is to figure out what to do or where to go next

[books-and-catears]

Im actually unsure if ive sent a request already (if i did im sorry i have1 terrible memory T-T;;)

But if not would it be okay to request for an GN! MC who the brothers realize was a big idol back in the human world but they never said that to them? Like maybe they found through magazines or internet or smth?

Hope this is okay and have a good day!!

Awww honey don't apologize! Also thank you so much for the request! You have an amazing day too!

This is such a interesting and hilarious ask!This is going to be super fun to write hehehe :3

(Oh and just a general fact for anyone who comes across my blog I try to always make my MC gender neutral unless a specific gender is requested.)

Lucifer

Lucifer: For some reason there have been a lot of attempts to summon me from the human realm.

MC: Oh? That really works?

Lucifer: Well not always but we occasionally they get it right. But that's the not the issue here.

MC: Oh did they ask for something weird?

Lucifer: I got 22 summons. 18 of them had your name in their demands. And I checked their identities, they are not related to you, in any way. Mind explaining what's going on?

MC: *embarassed* I was slightly drunk on stage one day and might have told the people as a joke that if I ever went missing, they could try asking the devil for me.

Lucifer: Your people? Do you have cult up there?

MC: Well cult is a strong word. Fanbase is the more commonly used term...

Lucifer: How many people?

MC: Um...

Lucifer: How many more times will I be summoned MC?

MC: Um a few million times?

Lucifer: *exasperated dad noises*

Mammon

Mammon: MC what is net worth?

MC: Eh I'm not sure but maybe sum of assets or something

Mammon: YOU HAVE 20 MILLION WORTH OF ASSETS?

MC: Ah well I don't really accept it as mine cause there's a lot of people involved so I signed it over to my parents anyway.

Mammon: BUT HOW DO YOU HAVE THE ASSETS?

MC: 5 years worth of good record and merch sells are enough for it suppose?

Mammon: Records...MC you were a famous singer in the human world?!

MC: Ah well idol is what they called us. We had to dance a lot too.

Mammon: HOW COME NONE OF US KNEW THIS?! MC THIS IS HUGE WE CAN EVEN MARKET YOUR SKILLS HERE AND WE WILL BE RICH!

MC: *sigh*....this is why none of you knew.

Leviathan

Levi: MC can I tell you something strange?

MC: How strange are we talking?

Levi: Like when I saw you for the first time, you looked awfully familiar.

MC: Ah do I resemble some character you like?

Levi: An idol actually. There was this human world group that was a big hit for five years! But then they disbanded two years ago. You look like my favourite one. *Pointing to old poster*

MC: *looks at themself in ridiculous blue hair* Ahahhaa thanks Levi although I gotta admit that is my least favourite look.

Levi: You even have the same name as them it's almost uncanny- wait. Did you say 'MY least favourite look'?

MC: Guilty as charged....

Levi: YOU'RE ACTUALLY MC! THE MC! THE IDOL MC! *falls on the ground*

MC: Levi you okay?! Calm down it's-

Levi: MC IS IN MY ROOM!? MC IS SITTING NEXT TO ME?! MC IS LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AS ME!? MC GOES TO MY SCHOOL!? MC IS MY BEST FRIEND?!

MC: Yes Levi...Yes to all of them now calm down please! You're going to have heart attack!

Satan

Satan: MC come here for a minute would you?

MC: Yes, Satan?

Satan: So I tried to procure some human world magazines for Asmo and ended up going through them myself and *flips to a page and pointing towards an old picture of you* by any chance is this you?

MC: Haha didn't expect you to recognize me with that get up.

Satan: So when were you going to tell us you're about your fame in the human world?

MC: Does it even matter? It has been two years since I've last been on stage I'm sure people have forgotten now.

Satan: The recent article disagrees. *Reads from magazine* "MC hasn't been active in any of their social media accounts recently. While they did tend to go on long breaks of inactivity, this hiatus has been stretching for 5 months. They haven't even appeared in any of their fellow member's pictures either. An interview with one of the members said, 'They haven't even been answering texts nor calls. Their parents tell us they've gone away for a while but won't tell us where."

MC: Jesus I leave for six months and they make a whole mystery novel about me.

Satan: Well it's rather fun to keep the people on their toes. I can think of ways to fuel this fire.

MC: Satan no-

Asmodeus

Asmo: *comes running into your room* MC! How could you not tell me!?

MC: Eh? Tell you what?

Asmo: That you had a partner in the human world already?! And that you both are a FAMOUS POWER COUPLE!?

MC: Eh? Who said I was-

Asmo: Don't you lie to me! *holds up an edit playing on his phone* Look at these two people under the same umbrella! You're the one holding it aren't you!? Who are they MC? Do you love them more than me?!

MC: *sigh* No Asmo, they're just a friend who liked to screw with the paparazzi. And the paparazzi was over eager with us cause a lot of people loved shipping us.

Asmo: And why were you shipped with them?! I'm clearly a better match!

MC: *scratches head* Ah probably I used to pull too many pranks with them on stage and we were given a lot of duets and dances together.

Asmo: Stage? Duets? Dances? MC ...were you an IDOL?!

MC: ....yes?

Asmo: *squealing* WAIT TILL I MAKE YOU BECOME AN IDOL HERE TOO ALONG WITH ME SO PEOPLE WILL SHIP US INSTEAD!

Beelzebub

Beel: MC I heard from the others that you used to be a famous idol.

MC: Ah they told you too? Atleast your reaction is much calmer.

Beel: I heard famous people get lots of gifts from fans! Including snacks and candy!

MC: Haha we did. Only we weren't allowed to eat them.

Beel: ...but it's your gift. Of course you're allowed to eat them?!

MC: *sigh* Being in a idol group meant having to maintain your looks at all times. And weight was a big issue. I remember during tours we only had to live off apples, cucumbers and pea soup for a week.

Beel: That doesn't sound nice at all. *sad Beel noises* Here MC. *gives you half his sandwich* You can eat as much as you like here!

MC: Thank you so much, Beel.

Belphegor

Belphie: Did you get enough sleep being an idol and all? Beel told me you used to be one.

MC: Between late night practices and early morning workouts? I managed on three hours of sleep.

Belphie: That's less than half the ideal amount for humans.

MC: Ah well all of us needed to be perfect with the performance or we'd be screamed at or worse suspended.

Belphie: Performance for people who only need to see your face to start screaming. So much wasted energy. It's good that you left. Adoration from a bunch of strangers isn't worth losing sleep.

MC: I know right? It is nice to have a lot of people love you maybe but if I can't even be awake enough to appreciate them... what's the point?

Belphie: Come here. *wraps you up in his blanket* I help you catch up on the years of sleep you've missed.

MC; Thanks, Belphie.

[kikyan]

Could I request a Mammon drabble? It can be about anything! Thank you so much!!!!

TURN IT UP! Please this drabble is SHIT but I've been wanting to write smth for obey me again. Thank you anon, YOU ARE AMAZING.

Unfortunate

It never clicked to the demon sin of Greed, why his brothers were so close to a human whom they despised since the beginning. Okay, maybe 'despise' is an exaggerated way to describe it but they weren't particularly interested in them. To Lucifer is was just a human that was invited to the DevilDom because of Lord Diavolo's request, none of the brothers cared or even wanted to get close to the human, at least more than necessary. Yes, Mammon was tasked with the responsibility and tedious chore of taking care of this human, making sure that they weren't preyed on by other demons and swallowed whole. Sure, he hated the idea of getting close to the human, rambling on and on about how grateful they should be that the Great Mammon is even wasting his time taking care of them, but of course, that was just a cover-up of his true feelings.

He enjoyed this human's company a lot more than he let be known, at least with the intent because his brothers saw through his facade. He never understood why or how it happened, to Leviathan they were a normie, to Asmo. . .just another human, Belphagor despised them, Beelzebub wanted to eat them, Satan could care less, and Lucifer was putting up with them for Lord Diavolo's sake. Mammon would never admit it straight up unless he was sure of the reaction that he would get from [Reader] would be perfect, or the one he wanted. He liked them, cared for them, hell, even loved them. [Reader] was always with him, even as he brushed them off many times in the beginning, they were stubborn enough to bounce back into his life. Watching the whole TSL series with them, along with Beel, but it was mostly with [Reader]. His quick get rich schemes that [Reader] would sometimes reject or go along with it, really made him feel loved and cared for. When his brothers would verbally abuse him, [Reader] was quick to cheer him up or tell his brothers off.

Having someone who cared for him and took his side, but also wasn't afraid to put him in his place if he needed, was something new and appreciated. From that day forward, he was glued to them. Always barging in their room to hang out, watch movies, go shopping, or on their "mini dates", as he would call them. It was utter bliss to be with [Reader] and he was so thankful that they were the human who came to the DevilDom instead of someone else.

So it made no sense to him, that he was pushed aside for one of his brothers. He had just come back from [Reader's] room who was currently getting ready to go out. Mammon, like always, asked where they were going back.

"Oh, I'm going with Satan to a bookstore. I think we are also getting a small snack in between? Who knows, but yeah."

" W-what!? Then, I'll come too!"

" Sorry Mammon, but I planned this with Satan for some time. If it was a spur of the moment then yeah, I would take you but I can't. I'm sorry, but I promise to make it up to you when I get back. You want me to bring you something?"

" No. . .thank's but no. I'll be fine, have fun. See you later."

His mood instantly dropped but it wasn't anything new, [Reader] felt bad at the way he sluggishly walked out of their room, but it was already planned. There was nothing [Reader] could do but ask Satan if he could come, but even that was a stretch. They already knew Satan's response and how he would go on about how Mammon isn't interested in books like that. Mammon rested his head on his pillow, clearly upset with the events that transpired in their room. He felt bad for trying to barge into [Reader's] outing, maybe his brothers were right and he was just annoying. God, he hated himself a lot for what he was planning, but he was reassuring himself, '[Reader] would understand, I can just play it off that I decided to go into town as well.'

Mammon sighed, this wasn't meant to be. He was currently walking around the bookstore stalking [Reader] and Satan.

“ What do you think about this one, [Reader]. I heard some great reviews but I’m not sure. It’s a 50/50 with them. Either it’s amazing or it’s horrible.”

“ Well, how much does it interest you? If you really want to read it we can buy it but if not let’s pick a different one.”

“ Well. . . how about we pick another one. Don’t want to chance it...is there any book you want?”

“ Hmm, well there was this one…”

“ Oh, that one? I’ve been interested in that one for quite some time but never had the chance to get it so I forgot all about it…”

“Mm, so we’ll take this one then.”

“ Alright, let’s bring it to the front.”

With that, Mammon moved away and was able to avoid being spotted. He hid as he spotted [Reader] and Satan leave the bookstore. He saw them laughing and pointing to a small cafe. There they sat and talked some more, it was nothing serious just about books and reading. Mammon sighed in relief until...he heard his name.

“ [Reader], I don’t know how you put up with Mammon. Isn’t he always in your room?”

“Well yes, but I mean it’s not that hard. . .”

“He doesn’t give you any privacy whatsoever, always barging and thinks he owns you. I honestly don’t know how you put up with him. If it were me, I’d kick him out. He’s always dragging you into schemes, makes you clean up after him, and defends him against Lucifer. He always causes issues…”

“Hmm, I never thought about it like that.”

Mammon felt his heart shatter, his favorite person hated him. He honestly hated what Satan said but he also knew that it wasn’t that far off. It’s true that he spent countless time in [Reader’s] room. Sometimes sleeping in and hiding away in there. After class, he’d go bother [Reader] or even offer to do homework together. Has he always been a bother to [Reader]? Were they just too nice to tell him to bug off? Mammon got up from the table and proceed to walk away, sadness clouding him and some tears threatening to spill.

“ I guess it can be a little too much and sometimes I do mind it, but he doesn’t do it with bad intentions. He truly cares for us, just has horrible execution. His get-rich schemes, well it kinda comes with the sin of greed so we can’t really blame him. I think, having someone to depend on is nice. He’s so used to getting beat on that having someone to comfort him is a miracle. Think about it like us Satan. Aside from me, has there been another person whom you could talk to about books? What about Leviathan and wanting to talk to someone else who isn’t online or 2D? Having me around has changed all of you, yes it can be a bit too much but it’s worth it by seeing your smiles. If it ever gets too much I’d probably tell you guys, but until then I don’t really mind.”

“ [Reader]. . .you really are kind.”

A smile clouded Satan’s lips as he sighed and let out a chuckle. This would have been a much cuter moment had it not been for Mammon already leaving and thinking that [Reader] was bored of him. What a shame, the sin of greed was just so unfortunate.

[dreadpoetssociety]

Her Over Me

TW: death, verbal fighting

Request:  Maybe can you do a Spence x teen! Daughter where Spencer’s new girlfriend is a total ass to y/n and despite her efforts to convince Spencer that she’s extremely harsh, Spencer brushes her off and ignores her until she finally snaps and gets enough of his ignorance, lashing out on him unexpectedly for caring so much for his girlfriend instead of his daughter and she just runs to Garcia’s or JJ’s or smth and spencer finally realizes the truth when his gf asks where the annoying ‘brat’ is? Thank u!

Note: Okay, hopefully this is alright HAH I’ve never written one with Spencer being a dad before, but this was fun. Thank you for the request!!

Pairings: 

Spencer Reid x Girlfriend 

Spencer Reid x Daughter!Reader

()()()()()()

You never liked your fathers new girlfriend. You weren’t sure what he saw in her, or how he didn’t notice the pure evil that bubbled inside the woman’s veins, considering he was a profiler and a genius and all that. He should’ve noticed her behavior a long time ago. 

But alas, he didn’t. As the saying goes, love is blind. You’d tried to bring it up a few times, only to be brushed off, and gave up once you understood he was never going to believe you. The woman was nice to you in front of him, but became someone else when he was gone. You were convinced that if he wasn’t so head over heels for her, he probably would’ve noticed. It was so out of character for him not to, but for a while you didn’t want to ruin his happiness. He hadn’t been interested in anyone since your mom passed away, and even though he pretended to be happy, you had the genetics of a profiler, and just knew he hadn’t been for so long. Not completely, anyway. 

When she came home, your mood changed, as though you were putting an extra wall up.

“Y/N, get over here and take these bags. I won’t wait.” she said.

“Alright.” you for the most part just tried to be compliant. You didn’t want any issues, or even worse, punishment, which had happened more than once now due to her incredible lying of ‘Y/N said this, Y/N said that, I think it’s because she doesn’t like me’ blah blah blah. She knew which buttons to push. 

“Hurry it up, I have things to do.” she said angrily. You picked up the grocery bags and placed them on the island in the kitchen area. As you did, though, a glass salsa jar fell out and onto the floor, cracking into two pieces. You quickly started picking up the pieces and frantically tried to clean it.

“My God, Y/N! I just bought that! You can’t get anything right, can you? I don’t even understand why Spencer doesn’t just put you up for god damn adoption, you’re such a pain to be around. You owe me three dollars and fifty cents for that, and gas money to go back to the store.” she yelled, “For God sake, if I was your mom, I’d die, too.”

You stopped. You turned so quickly that it would’ve given someone whiplash. This was it. This was the last straw. All those times of her calling you a burden, of her blaming everything on you, trying to get rid of you in any way she could. She doesn’t belong in this family. She’s an outsider. What right does she have mentioning your mother. It hit too close to home, especially since you beat yourself up every day over feeling guilty of your mother’s death, and missing her more than words could even describe. It was your breaking point. 

“You know what, Catherine,”

“Catrina” she interrupted.

“Catherine!” you screamed, “You vile, stupid excuse of a woman. Keep my mother out of your slimy, filthy mouth. You don’t have a place in this house.” 

“Excuse me? How dare you tell me what to do, you stupid brat! I’ll tell Spencer about how awful you are, and maybe he’ll punish you again.”

“Honestly Caitlin, I don’t give a god damn. Put your own groceries away. In fact-“ you turned around and dropped all the glass piece back to the floor, “you can clean them the hell up, too.” the two of you broke out in a screaming match then, throwing insults back and forth at the top of your lungs. 

Eventually, Spencer walked in at some point. You didn’t notice, but Catrina did. Her tone had changed, and she as calmer, and anomy somewhat nicer while you absolutely destroyed her.

“Y/N!” he yelled. You turned around. You’d never heard him yell at you like that before.

“Dad! I swear to you. She is literally so harsh. She treats me like trash! And you just let her! She brought up mo-“

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure it’s you who’s screaming at her. I know you’re upset because you miss your mom, but you can’t throw tantrums like this anymore, Y/N.”

You stopped. Anymore? Tantrums? You had et your father’s girlfriend walk all over you this whole time. All those times she got you in trouble she’d bent the truth dramatically. You hadn’t even yelled at her once until now. 

“You’re really going to believe her over your own kid, aren’t you?” you shook your head, “You know what, that’s cool. Do what you want. I’ll do what Cathy has wanted me to do the whole time and see myself out. You know, for some alleged genius and incredible profiler, you’re too easily manipulated. Have fun on date night.” 

“Y/N, get back here!”

But it was too late. You’d snatched the keys, walked out and slammed the door. Your eyes were blurry as the apartment elevator closed before Spencer could get to you, and you made your way down to the garage. 

You got in the car and just drove. You weren’t sure where your body was taking you, but it was just on autopilot, and you eventually ended up at JJ’s, a coworker of your father’s.

You rang the bell, practically about to pass out from crying so much. JJ answered the door pretty quickly, and her face dropped with incredible amounts of concern that you could almost feel it.

“Y/N, oh my God, what’s going on?” 

“Spen- and- a- an-“ you couldn’t even speak. You’d put up with this witch for so long for him, and you were his kid, and he just believed her so easily.

“Okay, hey, hey wait. Come inside, you have to sit down, okay?” JJ helped you in to her living room. The house was seemingly empty, so you assumed Will must’ve taken the kids somewhere. For a few minutes you just cried on her couch while she sat next to you trying to comfort you. Eventually calming down, you began to explain everything from the beginning. The disgusted looks, the insults, the lying, the this, the that, just everything. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, that’s terrible.” JJ said, “Spence really hasn’t said anything about it?”

“No! Literally nothing! He doesn’t even think it’s happening. He doesn’t find it suspicious at all it’s so weird. He gives a damn so much about her that he’ll just like, see past it.” you replied.

“That’s so unlike him.” she said, “Do you want me to talk to him?” 

You shook your head, “It’s just cause more problems with his dumb girlfriend. I don’t even care that he has a girlfriend! He thinks that I hate her because I miss my mom, but I hate her because she’s so mean to me all the time when he isn’t around. The only reason I lost it today was because she brought up my mom.”

“Is that why you got angry at her? What’d she say?” 

“She literally said that if she were my mom, she’d die, too. Like firstly, who says that? What kind of insult is that? Secondly, who would bring up someone’s literal dead mother in any situation, let alone over a stupid jar?” you asked. JJ shrugged, not knowing what to say. You both talked for a few more hours after that, ignoring every attempt Spencer had tried to call you.

“Y/N, you’re genuinely welcome here any time if you need to get away from that.” she said.

“Thanks, JJ, I honestly might take you up on that.” you smiled. You said your goodbyes and made your way home.

When you walked through the front door of your apartment, you saw the two of them sitting on the couch together. Spencer looked at you, you looked back and just walked into your room as though life was normal. That’s all you could do for now. For the following few days, you spent most of your time at JJ’s. Penelope was there too, every once in a while, and once you told her the story, she almost went to straighten Spencer out herself. Garcia wasn’t the type to get angry, but when she was, it was like the day had just suddenly turned to night it was so dark. But, you convinced her out of it, saying you’d deal with it somehow and that you didn’t want anyone else involved.

Spencer had been waiting for his girlfriend to go out when you mysteriously disappeared for the millionth time this week. She walked in a black body con dress, and her beauty almost mesmerized him.

“Hey,” she smiled. She quickly looked around as her and Spencer got closer, “where’s that annoying little brat?” 

And that’s when it finally clicked for him. All of those behaviors he’d picked up on, the way she looked at the top of his head when talking about how you had done something, the way her voice seemed to fluctuate, even just the way she walked around the house. It was almost like a snap back to reality for him, and he regretted ignoring it before. He knew now that you were telling the truth this whole time, and that he’d just looked over you.

“Get out.” he said.

“Spence, what?”

“That’s Dr. Reid for you. Get out of my house. You lied this whole time about Y/N.” his voice was raising, which she’d never seen happen before.

“What? Spence- no, let’s talk this out, you don’t understand!”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. How can I understand someone who treats my kid like nothing and lies about her for no reason? I can understand what you get out of it, a power trip, maybe. Maybe it stems from how you were raised as a child, since you said your mother did the same to you and now you’re doing it unto someone else. So most likely she’s just a surrogate to represent your younger self, correct? You’ve got the same hair color and eye color, so it actually adds up.” he rambled off angrily, but he stopped quickly, “Get out. Take your crap with you. Don’t call me again, we’re done.” 

He slammed the door behind her.

When Spencer showed up to JJ’s house, you, Garcia, and JJ fell silent.

“Y/N, can we talk privately?” he asked. Looking at the two other women, they nodded their heads and gestured for you to go. You both walked out to Spencer’s car, getting in, and starting for a drive.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, you were right this whole time.”

“Yeah, I know.” you retorted. He sighed.

“Genuinely, Y/N. Catrina’s gone I kicked her out. I should’ve seen who she really was from the beginning. I noticed all the signs and just went anyway. More importantly I should’ve listened to you.” 

You stayed silent. What were you supposed to do in a situation like this? You were still mad at him, but wanted to forgive him.

“I’m genuinely sorry.”

“I’ll forgive you eventually, but I’m pissed about it for now.” you stated.

“Which completely makes sense, you have every right to be.”

“Something that might help your case would be a nice trip to the mall, you know. . . “ you smirked. He laughed. The two of you drove around for about an hour and a half talking things out, and the day ended with you, Spencer, Garcia, and JJ all going out together. Of course, not before Garcia and JJ almost killed him, but once it was somewhat settled, the four of you had a good time, especially with you having the satisfaction of knowing that Catrina was literally kicked out of your house. 

[angeltrapz]

I watched the last key just to read ur fic first off, second off, tell me about the Intricate Rituals tm of lawrence and adam

CRIES??? YOU WHAT??? anon pls that is literally so sweet omg... I've never had someone tell me that b4 but I'm sitting here beaming. I hope you liked it/it helped things make more sense!!!!! <3

Okay so. Intricate Rituals™️. They actually have a few. (Touch is a VERY big part of Adam's love language in particular, so you know... intricate rituals that allow you to touch the skin of other men...)

On the mornings that Lawrence has to go to work, he will always kiss Adam's forehead before he leaves, no matter what. Even if Adam's not even awake yet (and let's be real, he probably isn't... not a morning person whatsoever). Does he need to, technically speaking? No. Does he feel uncomfortable if he doesn't + will it bother him for the rest of the day? Yes. I've touched on this before but in any scenario where Lawrence ends up with Adam, he is much more open with his love and, in turn, with his affection. He tells Adam he loves him often, shows that he loves him often; beyond that, I like the idea that he's just a hopeless romantic at heart, and having the life he's always wanted deep down, even if the circumstances were far less than ideal, well... Adam brings it out of him, what can he say? So he always makes sure he kisses his boyfriend's forehead before he goes to work. (And he lets Adam call him/he'll call Adam sometimes on his lunch break just to talk... not every day, but often enough <3)

On the mornings where neither of them have anywhere to be/anything to do, though, Lawrence can often be convinced to stay in bed for little while after they both wake up because, as he's long since learned, sleepy just-woke-up Adam is very, very cuddly. Literally all he has to do is just be like "Please?" and kiss at Lawrence's jaw a little bit and every single time, without fail, Lawrence will just sigh and be like "I suppose..." But make no mistake, he loves it just as much. I think both of them are very like... unused to touch? Especially like this - cuddling purely for the sake of cuddling, no emotional distress to be spoken of, it's purely just to hold each other because they can... this extends to more than just the morning, too; Lawrence's hand on Adam's lower back or his shoulder or his knee when they're close, Adam keeping an arm around Lawrence's middle or leaning against his shoulder or resting his head against Lawrence's back from behind. Adam is definitely more inexperienced with this kind of affection than Lawrence is, but they're both starving for it and if the opportunity presents itself, neither of them will turn it down. Shameless plug but I've written a fic abt this particular concept!

Anyway! Once they get out of bed, though, Lawrence will start a fresh pot of coffee for Adam + Adam will get Lawrence's morning cup of tea ready (it's so funny bc Larry can't stand coffee and Adam has yet to try a flavour of tea he likes... the things they do for love). Lawrence typically makes breakfast for them on these days, because Adam isn't at full capacity yet and because Larry honestly doesn't mind doing so; he kind of likes being able to do that for Adam honestly? Adam has issues with eating (i.e. doesn't eat many meals, doesn't eat with regularity, often feels nauseous + unable to eat, usually eats the same foods... part of that is, naturally, that he's autistic, but also because he's gone so long eating so little that it takes him a while to adjust to the fact that Hey, I Don't Have To Do That Anymore), and Lawrence is very familiar with those issues, so to see Adam eating like three blueberry pancakes and enjoying them makes Lawrence just 🥰 bc he knows it's hard for Adam.

So Lawrence will be at the stove, watching to make sure he knows when to flip the pancakes, and then Adam will walk up behind him and wrap his arms around his waist and lay his head against his back. Sometimes he just rests there, sometimes he leans up a little so he can leave kisses on the back of Lawrence's neck, but the motive is always the same: touch. Lawrence might not say anything in acknowledgement, but he'll always lean back a little bit in Adam's arms to just be like hi, I know you're there, I love you. And they'll stay that way for a while, because why not? They've earned this gentleness, this tenderness, have they not? Eventually they know they'll have to separate so that they can get plates out and silverware and such, but while Lawrence is cooking, they're content to stand and sway a little together.

Another example of Lawrence's romantic tendencies is he'll pull Adam's chair out for him. I firmly think Adam wouldn't care for this if it were Anyone else, but he'll just smile at Lawrence and thank him and sit down because the fact that Lawrence wants to do things like that for him, something so simple but that speaks volumes... he really, really appreciates it. When they sit down he'll knock his ankle against Lawrence's under the table just because he can and Lawrence will do it back and they'll be sitting there grinning like fools bc!! It's so silly but it makes them so happy? And I think they deserve to be silly sometimes. Again, they've earned it.

Um!! Another big one is what they do before bed every night. So when Lawrence gets home from work, after he's had a little bit of time to relax, Adam will herd him into the bathroom and help him to sit on the edge of the bathtub, help unstrap his prosthetic, and he'll get out the special basin + soft washcloths they have specifically for this reason and he'll help Lawrence wash his stump. It's something that Lawrence used to hold so much shame over it, refused to accept any sort of help + made things harder for himself (which I've touched on in my reply to an ask frm @1ceblock), but at one point Adam found him struggling with it and was just like. "I've got this, it's okay. I want to help you. Will you let me help you?" and that's how this little ritual came to be. Once he's done and he's made sure the stump is properly dry, he'll press a kiss or two there and it will always make Lawrence sigh and smile because Adam doesn't have to do that. He does it because he wants to. That means a whole lot to Lawrence, and he always makes sure to let Adam know by kissing him before they leave the bathroom.

After that, once they've changed into their pajamas and are comfortable, Lawrence will get out whatever novel he's been reading lately and settle back against the pillows, and Adam will rest his head on his shoulder and sling an arm over his waist and just. Let out the biggest sigh. He always does, and he does it because he's warm and comfortable and happy and because he loves Lawrence, and Lawrence will rest his cheek against Adam's head and they just lay like that for a while. Sometimes if Adam's interested, Lawrence will read out loud so Adam can hear too, because he's often too tired to read along. They can stay like this for a good hour and a half, honestly. Sometimes Adam falls asleep like this, feeling safe and contented, and it always warms Lawrence's heart. It makes him so happy to see Adam so relaxed just because they're close.

Eventually though, when Lawrence is finally done reading for the night, one of them will pull the other's back to his chest (they act as big/little spoon interchangeably) and whoever it is being big spoon will also put his arm around the other's middle. Of course they stay as they are if Adam's already asleep, because Lawrence doesn't want to wake him up if he's sleeping well, but if not, it depends on who wants to be held more. It took Lawrence a Long time to admit he wanted Adam to do that sometimes, but once he got the hang of it, he's completely unashamed about it; Adam doesn't mind at all + honestly finds it kinda sweet, actually. Again, that kind of thing wasn't exactly smth Lawrence allowed himself before Adam, so it's unfamiliar territory for a good while, but he finds himself quite at ease with it with time <33

Other than those particular tendencies it's the little things; sitting hip-to-hip on the couch despite having plenty of room Not to do that, one resting his head on the other's thigh while they're watching TV/a movie, bumping hips while doing the dishes, stuff like that. They're both a level of touch-starved (Adam more so than Lawrence, I think), so they're kind of navigating this together and are more than happy to indulge in it whenever the opportunity arises.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Good morning/night/afternoon/evening/day/time hello!

So after seeing how many friends mc have, like wait let me count-----

26! in the friendlist not including, the unofficial friend like Corey,...

With how many friends there are, are there any friends that you would delete in favor of flashing out the other characters or would you like to keep it that way?

I have some ideas on who to delete in favor of flashing out the more main characters, but i fear that this might be a bit... yikess.. I understand that people like this characters and me saying that they "should not exist" might get people mad, i hope this does not give you to much problem.

1. Tulip to Penny ( thks one is still debateable)

I know we have too much Penny especially at year 5/6, sidequest and all tht, but I feel like Tulip doesn't have to exist because her existance can be taken by Penny which flashes her character more.

Hear me out, Tulip is great. But after year 3 or maybe 4 her existence is uneeded anymore. In year 3 we can instead use Penny, Penny is a popular person with many friends. It wouldn't be out of character for her to try to understand Merula maybe try to befriend her ( i mean she did befriended Talbot, who isn't exactly the nicest or the most approachable ) but later, on something happend and now there is more substance in Penny hating on Merula rather than yeah, she such a bully or smth.

2. Barnaby to Ben

Ben is really untouched at the early years ( 1 to 3) I feel like the whole ark of Barnaby can be dealt with Ben. Like imagine Ben was Merulas lab dog, but because of Jacob's sibling kindness and all that, he finally have the courage to stand up to Merula proving his Gryffindor side. This could also explain Rowan sudden suspicions of Ben in Year 4, (its quite mean of Rowan tbh) I mean like after year 3 aside from the dating tlsq, Barnaby doesnt really do much does he? I mean you can argue that he have some influence on the last curse vaults but nah-

3. Badeea Ali to Rowan

Simple, we need more Rowan! I think the thing Badeea did in year 5 can easily be done with Rowan, i mean she just disappears later on anyways.

4. Instead of Bea, Rowan should be in the potrait.

5. Talbot as Ben? I'm not so sure about this one but yeah, they could put aside Talbot so we can flash out Ben. The flying solo quest can be switch into Ben losing his Bear again but we get more background to what the Bear meant to him ( maybe about his muggle life?? ) the tlsq could be at around year 5 or 6 to help Jacob's Sibling understand more about whats going through Ben's mind.

6. Diego = Ben

Ben is told to be good at charms we never really get to see it until around year 4 with the red cloak shenanigans. I would like to see JC explore more of his charms ability by teaching mc.

Anyways im not here to bash on your favorite characters im just saying that a lot of the characters are wasted pottential. To much characters can kill a story, rather than adding more characters jc should focus on the current one.

Sadly, they never did

Year0 Rowan

Year 1 Ben, Penny, Merula, (Chiara)

Year 2 Bill, (Chiara)

Year 3 Barnaby, Ismelda, Tulip, Andre Tonks, Talbott. Year 3 is definitely the worse case of it.

Year 4 Charlie

Year 5 Bea, Jae, Badeea, Liz, Diego

Year 6 Alanza

Year 7 Corey

The problem is, the more jc adds the characters the more they just stack up in the background, clogging the story. Imagine the characters as dept and the currency is good writing.

Anyways love your content, keep it up!

Personally, I couldn't begin to imagine doing this.

Not that I'm saying it's a heartless idea, mind you. I've worked with this line of thinking before. I work in children's theatre, and when we adapt scripts for different sized casts, we have to often cut characters or absorb them into others. So this isn't unheard of, and I get it. Still, having grown emotionally attached to each and every one of these little misfits, and feeling like they all have potential in different ways...cutting them is not what I would do at this stage. I believe the TLSQ system should be completely overhauled, and in doing so, used to give screen-time to characters that don't always get a lot. Imagine if each character had a TLSQ that starred them at maybe LV 5, and then a sequel quest at LV 10. Might seem excessive, like too many quests...but again, this goes back to the idea of a revamp. Allow players to hit pause, and put a TLSQ on a "waiting list" so to speak. Allow them to reroll so they can skip one if they want to for whatever reason. Stop having TLSQs disappear forever if they're failed twice.

As far as your first suggestion...I realize that my status as a Tulip fan might be affecting my reaction, but absolutely not. I have no issue with Penny, but if it comes down to omitting one of these two...well, Penny does come with Beatrice, and that whole emotional arc during Years 5 and 6. But I'm not sure if keeping that is worth losing Tulip. Because her storyline with Merula is quite compelling, and it adds to the backstory of one of the mainstay characters. Plus...Tulip is kind of way more interesting than Penny, if I'm being honest. Actually, if I was to have anyone be "absorbed" into anyone else...I feel like Tulip could have easily been the "detention" character in Year 5? And that would have been a way to keep her relevant? Again though, I love Jae so much that I couldn't imagine doing this. But it's one example of how this idea could be done give more focus to fewer characters. You know who could be absorbed into Penny, though? Andre. Just, so long as we're actually thinking about this.

Barnaby is a character who sadly has not done much since his arc ended in Year 3, you're right about that. However, I feel like Ben is just too complicated and too tied to the main story for him to be shuffled with anyone. We still have unanswered questions about the gaps in his memory from Year 2. Did he cross paths with R? With Merula? Then there is the question of his time as the Red Cloak in Year 4. His transformation into "New" Ben, after going into the Portrait Vault with MC. I suppose these things could be transferred over to Barnaby, but that would leave the Year 2 stuff up in the air. And as for transferring it the opposite way, cutting Barnaby to give Ben more prominence...I mean, it could be done, but Ben already has plenty, if you ask me. And I don't see him being able to take on the role of Merula's lapdog, given their history from Year 1.

I'll never say no to getting more of Rowan, and this is something I could actually see working. The idea of Badeea being absorbed into Rowan and that screen time being given to them. I love Badeea, but it's definitely tempting. By in large, the Year 5 characters did feel at least a little gimmicky. They're all wonderful, but the fact that there were four of them, one for each House, and they all had a specific interest that was central to their character? The fact that all things considered, they didn't really matter to the story apart from perhaps Jae? Yeah, I would never want to lose any of them, but I can see why that might work. As for Rowan taking the place of Beatrice...well, that's an idea. For sure. It could give MC the same kind of immediate emotional context. Allow Rowan to be heavily relevant without them actually needing to have any lines. But their entire character would have to shift after that point. If they're absorbing Beatrice' character arc...I mean, the Forbidden Forest comes to mind. Does that still happen? Does Rowan's personality change? What becomes of them after Year 5?

I still believe Ben is doing just fine in terms of his relevance, but I'll admit there's definitely something to the idea of Diego being absorbed into him. And I've grown to truly like Diego. Ben having talent at dueling could show how far he's come. If they depicted it prior to the end of Year 4, it could be foreshadowing of him being the Red Cloak. If he still helps MC prepare to challenge Rakepick in Year 5, it could play into his fear of her. And I like what you're doing with the idea of Talbott being absorbed into Ben....but no, I can't endorse that one. It's just not needed for Ben's story, and Talbott is already so fascinating on his own. I dig the Ravenclaw representation, I dig the Animagus representation.

Either way, it's an interesting topic to think about. Not to worry, I don't take offense at all. I get that people have different opinions and there are certainly valid critiques of this game's writing. I still enjoy it though, and I think the characters are the strongest suit. Their placement in the game, perhaps not quite so much. But it's because of this that I wish for all of them to be handled better, without having to lose any of them. Thank you for the kind words and I hope to hear from you again!

[urmomsstuntdouble]

If ur still doing the 100 followers thing, well I challenge YOU with deciphering Lithuania.

ok anon thank you so much for asking this question because i have in fact recently fallen in love with lithuania, because they are such an interesting character! (also hhhh im so sorry for how late this is) 

Gender

As you may have noticed, I usually use they/them pronouns to refer to Lithuania. I hc them as being nonbinary and using he/they pronouns, though I personally prefer to use they rather than he in that case because. Idk what pronouns you use. But in my experience it’s really hard to get people to call you ‘they’ when you go by ‘he/they’ or ‘she/they’ or smth like that. Though I don't imagine any of the nations are very attached to their “birth gender” (are nations born???), lithuania is one of those who is a bit less attached. They’re just sort of there, in terms of gender. In my headcanons i also think this has something to do with religion, as lithuania was one of the last european countries to convert to Christianity- just because so much of gender as we know it comes from christianity and what people in the 16th and 17th centuries considered a ‘good’ christian. Thats not to say that there are no gender roles in other religions, but that the way westerners typically conceptualize gender has quite a lot to do with the religious conflicts occurring within christianity. Like you can trace the ideas behind the nuclear family archetype back to the protestant reformation. Additionally, I hc them as being Jewish, which further distances them from the western christian gender roles (though that’s not why i hc them as jewish! More on that later). Finally, i just like myself some trans/nb characters. There’s so few popular trans hcs and that makes me kinda sad ya know? Welcome to the trans agenda its just me projecting onto all my faves

Mental Health

Okay, so, i think it’s pretty well known that lithuania’s mental health is wack. They’re often characterised as being a very anxious person, but i think the ways in which they’re anxious is super interesting. For one, they are extremely conflict averse and like to avoid it by being a sort of people pleaser. It’s a sort of defense mechanism, because nobody can hate you if you do whatever they say. Like, if you let people be shitty to you, they won’t hate you for your personality. This is clearly flawed logic because then people are still going to be shitty to you, but. It makes sense to liet. In their mind, it’s okay to let people hurt if your reason is sound enough- Because if they’re not super emotionally engaged in a relationship that’s unhealthy for them, then they can’t get hurt, right? Of course, they can. A good example of this is their relationship with Russia. I think tolvydas sees compliance as necessary there, in order to avoid being hurt. The thing is…compliance is also hurting them, even if they see it as ‘worth it.’ To them, behaving in a submissive way is a survival tactic. A really bad one, but a survival tactic nonetheless. 

This also plays into their tendency to be self-martyring. I think Tolvydas is very good at fighting, and all around a really awesome warrior (strong aragorn energy), which makes them think that they need to be the one to save everyone. Hero complex, sort of. This, coupled with their almost maternal care for Latvia and Estonia, makes them feel like they have a sort of weight-of-the-world on their shoulders. Though Estonia and Latvia do look up to them a lot, Tolvydas can sometimes fail to realise that they are also their own people and can fight their own battles. He feels a sort of obligation to protect them due to their shared culture and languages as The Baltic Trio, though it doesn’t go much further than a sense of obligation. They spent most of their youth fighting, to the extent that that’s most of what Tolvydas personally knows as ‘life,’ but they never actually got to know the other two Baltics very well until the modern day. They have to protect, have to be a caregiver, but they don’t actually know super well the things they’re trying to protect. It’s both a sense of obligation to protect as well as the sense that this is all they’re good at and as long as they’re fighting for a morally just cause, that’ll do. 

I think something that would expose this flaw would be when they were first taken over by the Russian Empire in the 1790s, they were pretty miserable about a lot of things- Like the loss of all their territory and the sudden statelessness of their people- but a big one would’ve been the loss of Poland. This isn’t meant to be super shippy, but you know. They were united into one kingdom, and they had been for centuries, so i don’t imagine it was an easy separation. Though this is more up for debate where real people are concerned, these characters were essentially a big part of each other, ya know? Regardless of how much Lithuania actually likes Poland, they’re still a part of each other and that separation will undoubtedly be painful. Anyway, all that is to say that this separation was at the forefront of their mind during the beginning of the 19th century, and they let it sort of prevent them from taking care of the other Baltics. The issue with that is that they still considered themself to be protecting Estonia and Latvia, even though, in reality, nobody was. Also in reality, Lithuania was making themself out to be the worst off, and were generally sort of annoying to be around at this point in time. Their whole woe-is-me attitude wasn’t fun, and they were hypocritical in that they saw themself as being a better friend than they actually were. They still see themself as being a great friend, and though it’s improved in recent years, they’re still sort of. Flighty, i guess, where friendship is concerned. There was also a lot of annoyance by the other baltics about them being so self-martyring- Tolvydas was Ivan’s favorite, after all (that’s not necessarily a good thing, but. He was softer on them in certain ways). Anyway, I guess the big takeaway of this paragraph is that Liet often lets their self perception cloud the way they act in relationships. 

Much of the stuff I’ve mentioned so far is a result of them having quite a lot of PTSD. I think Lithuania’s character tends to be explored through a few common lenses, those being the medieval vibes of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and through being oppressed by the Russian Empire/Soviet Union. Not to say that there’s not a lot of other content about them, but this is what I see most often. I think that all the nations have some form of PTSD, but with Lithuania it’s very pronounced, and it’s made clear that a lot of their tendencies are a result of past trauma- Like the need to take care of others. This is likely originating with their childhood, as they grew up in a very violent environment where their survival was never guaranteed (survivor’s guilt much?) and violence was just the way of things. This is where the need to protect comes from. There used to be several more Baltic nations, though you could argue that now there’s only two- Lithuania and Latvia, as Estonia does not speak a Baltic language and would really like to be considered Nordic. 

Finally, Lithuania is also an interesting character where forgiveness is concerned. I think their sense of morality is very black and white, so some people (Feliks) will be easily forgiven where others (Ivan) will not. In reality, I think it would definitely be valid for Tolvydas to hate both of them, yet they don't- Because they decided that Feliks was a friend and Ivan was not. Both Feliks and Ivan care very deeply about them, but neither treats Tolvydas in a very good way. Of course, I’m aware that the situation in the Russian Empire/USSR and the Commonwealth were very different, but I’m talking about these three dudes and their relationships with each other beyond the lens of politics. Because Feliks tried to be their friend in a way that didn’t hurt them tremendously, and because. Look at them, Feliks isn’t 5’4 and can’t hurt you. They’re not an intimidating person and they’re not incredibly powerful like Ivan is. Though that’s not all of it- Feliks’ feelings for Tolvydas are definitely a purer, more selfless type of love than what Ivan feels for them- it makes it harder for Tolvydas to hold a grudge against them. Whereas for Ivan, their relationship was about control. He needed to control them as a way of expressing how he felt about them. He represents a lot of what Tolvydas fought against in their youth, so of course they hate him. Of course, I don’t think they like holding grudges. They want to be able to care for everyone, because they know that everyone deserves to be treated well and cared for and all that. You can't exactly do that if you hold a grudge against someone, so it actually kind of sucks for them when they see someone they hate suffering. It’s a sort of conflict of interest- The caregiving instincts vs the hatred for this person- and they often don’t know what to do in that situation. Usually they wind up helping but not happy about it. They just don’t want to see others suffer, despite the fact that they dislike this person (Russia is of course the exception. They don’t want to help him at all anymore). 

Relationship with family

So, this is a bit of an interesting topic. I think the Baltics consider themselves family just because of what they’ve been through together, but they’re not actually blood related. Though they share similar cultures, and languages, they’re just not related. Maybe Lithuania and Latvia are cousins, but yeah. Lithuania sees themself as the head of their little family, as they have the oldest surviving European culture and language. They sometimes get in their head about that, and can act like both a mom friend and a mom who is bad at mom-ing. It’s a sort of self appointed thing, and can be really annoying to the other two. They don’t pay the utmost attention to their fellow Baltics, and are more concerned with physical well being than emotional well being, so, despite establishing themself as a caretaker, do not wind up actually caring for the other Baltics in the ways they need to be cared for. 

Fighting style

So, as I’ve mentioned, Lithuania is a talented fighter. They go hard as shit, and can very much kick your ass. I think they prefer to be very technical about how they fight, with something boring like a broadsword as their weapon of choice, but are not afraid to fight dirty. Like rip off an ear with their teeth kind of playing dirty. I think they take fighting very seriously. Though Lithuania as we know it is only about 800 years old, I think Tolvydas is much older. The definition of a nation (a large body of people united by common descent, history, culture, or language, inhabiting a particular country or territory, according to the oxford dictionary) does not require there to be a central governing body, so I think it’s quite possible for Lithuania to be well over 2000. Anyway, all that is to say that they didn’t grow up in medieval times, so by the time they’re like. Achieving dominance in Eastern Europe, they’re already very old and well versed in many different styles of fighting. In the modern day, I think they’ve learned more different fighting styles from other parts of the world, but will always fall back on the way they learned how to fight in ancient times. 

Religion

So as I mentioned earlier, Lithuania is Jewish in my headcanons (orthodox, specifically. I think they're kinda traditional). I have a couple reasons for this- There has been a historical presence of Ashkenazi Jews in Lithuania, going back to the 13th or 14th century, and this is due to certain legal protections granted to Jewish people under pre-Commonwealth law. They were legally on similar footing to the average free people of Lithuania, and were able to create a slightly more prosperous community than Jews in other areas of Europe. This was also affected by the Black Plague of the 1340s. Orthodox Jews tend to put a high value on cleanliness, and often have two sinks in their houses (my childhood home, for example, had two sinks, and i lived in a majority jewish area). They also happened to be concentrated in Eastern Europe, due to the protections. Because of this, Eastern European Jews have some of the highest sruvival rates for the Black Plague and actually brought up the survival rates of the region as a whole- Though this also resulted in some intense antisemitism, as many Christians blamed Jewish people for the plague even happening, due to their higher survival rates. Despite various expulsions  and the loss of legal rights, the Jewish population remained relatively steady up until world war 2. Jewish people made up about 10% of the total population of Lithuania in 1941, and 45% of the total population of Vilnius. (To put this in perspective, the entire world population is only about 0.2% Jewish). Anyway, all this is to say that it’s not out of the question for Lithuania to be Jewish. 

Extras/Fun stuff

Lithuania loves reading, especially the fantasy/fairy tale genre. It makes them nostalgic without the trauma of reading historical fiction. 

They’re also very musically gifted, and can play the piano, bass, ukelele, and flute. 

They wear docs.

They love hot chocolate. 

They remind me of both Aragorn from lotr and Hozier. They’re such a sweet lad. 

Bicon who has like 5 people thirsting for them at a given moment but is either oblivious or not looking for a relationship right now. 

Here are my fics with lithuania as a main character!

My previous character analyses of lithuania (sorry they’re mostly in shipping contexts, rip) and another good analysis someone else did

My playlist for them

and i think thats it! of course i could always talk more about them, but those are my thoughts for now! thank you so much for the ask, i hope i was able to meet your challenge! 

writing requests

[otonymous]

hiii, first off i love your works 🥺💕 they’re so good and that angst 😪👌 gorgeous. sooo, i myself am also a fanfic writer and tbh that’s what i’ve always specialized in when i first started writing. that’s why when i say this, it honestly hurts me a bit... but i feel like i’m gonna outgrow writing fanfics. what makes me feel sad is that, i don’t actually want to outgrow it. i just feel like at my age i shouldn’t be writing it or smth along those lines. like whenever ppl ask me my hobbies my immediate thought is always writing. then they proceed to ask what genre and i always feel kind of scared to say fanfic since i feel like i’m kinda getting old for that... i still love reading it ofc, tbh it’s better than a lot of actual books i’ve read. but i just feel that if i say it out loud people will judge me. (that last one is more of a self confidence issue but yeah 😞) seeing you and other fanfic writers rlly inspire to continue doing it but i’m not rlly sure anymore ig. i still love writing it, i do. but ig i’m just scared to tell others? i’m not sure... but what would you do 👉👈😞

Hello dear Nonny!

Thank you very much for your kind words!  I really appreciate all your support! 💖

Furthermore, thank you for sending me this very important Ask.  I honestly think it’s something that a number of fanfic writers may come across at some point or another.  Let’s examine this question from a few different perspectives.

1) Many famous authors write fanfiction

Just for the record, there are a slew of published authors who have written fanfiction at some point in time.  

Naomi Novik, for instance — founder of the Organization for Transformative Works (from which the Archive Of Our Own is derived!) and author of Uprooted— wrote fanfiction.  So did Andy Weir, author of The Martian.  He wrote fanfics based off of Ernest Cline’s awesome Ready Player One.

(Check out this article by Catherine Kovach on Bustle.com for more!)

So as a fanfiction writer, you’re in good company.  It doesn’t make you any less a student of the craft than someone who dabbles solely in original work.

2) Everyone doesn’t need to know everything

That being said, I still feel you, dear Nonny.  You may be at a party, meeting new people, and the question inevitably comes up: “So, what do you do for fun?”

And while there is no way of knowing beforehand who would be absolutely thrilled to have a fanfiction writer in their midst (for the record, I know I would’ve been even if I didn’t write them myself), there is also a chance that some people may not understand it.  And that’s perfectly fine too.  If you think about it, belonging to a fandom is a very special thing.  You, along with massive numbers of others (depending on how big your fandom is), have some sort of common ground which serves as a source of joy, fun and excitement.  It allows you to connect with people from all walks of life, all over the globe.  I know my life is enriched by the fandoms of which I’m a part of.  It’s honestly a wonderful thing.

But to the uninitiated, the concept may seem a bit alien.  They might not get it.  And if you’re concerned about what they might think to learn about your beloved hobby for any reason, then I would be inclined to say that they don’t need to know everything.

So if I were to find myself in a situation where I was uncomfortable with full disclosure, I would just simply state that I write fiction.  Romance, fantasy, adventure, horror, comedy, sci-fi, etc., all of these genres are found in the wonderful fanfics I’ve read.  If someone were interested in finding out more about what you write, try describing it in those terms.  

3) You never outgrow the things you love

Based on your Ask, dear Nonny,  I get the sense that you feel like some things have an “expiry date,” that once you reach a certain age, you should’ve moved beyond things you loved and enjoyed in the past, such as fanfiction.

There are some people who are old and grey and still live their lives to its fullest, smiling with a twinkle in their eye that makes them seem much younger than their years.  And then on the flip side, there are people who seem much older than they really are, perhaps by the way they carry themselves.  My point here is that age really is nothing but a number, and (biology aside) you are as old as you choose to feel.  No one has the right to dictate what is deemed acceptable behaviour for another person of a certain age, as long as what they’re doing isn’t hurting themselves or others.  

I’m aware that societal pressures exist, that we may feel like we have to conform to what others expect of us — family, friends, etc.  But we also have to remember that at the end of the day, this life is ours to live.  And it would be a very sad life indeed if we lived it solely according to the standards of those around us, allowing ourselves to be stripped of the things we hold near and dear, such as hobbies we thought we should’ve outgrown.

There are times when I like to engage in a thought experiment that goes something like this:

If this were my very last day on earth, what would I most want to do?  What kind of life would I have liked to have led?  What do I want to be remembered for?

Time is precious.  We can’t afford to waste it on caring about what others think of us.  Chase what makes you happy, my dear.  No one has the responsibility of living your life but yourself.  And it is you that you only need answer to.

I hope this helps you in some way, shape or form, dearest Nonny.  I wish you the best of luck in your writing journey. 💖

- XOXO, Otonymous

[ddarker-dreams]

I could see Scarlet Ribbons’ stand cry being something like “BOWBOWBOWBOWBOW” cuz like.. ribbons... make bows and stuff.... sorry I’m bad at this 🤪

OKAY THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY CUTE THOUGH... i’m going to make a list of possible stand cries, and this is gonna be added on it!! 

anonymous asked: Is scarlet ribbons willing for a smooch 🥺🥺

but of course!! i’ve pictured scarlet ribbons as being a very affectionate and playful stand, since that adds even more Possibilities of the stand acting up around everyone. scarlet ribbons definitely wants to give ppl hugs and stuff, showcasing how affectionate and :D!!! the user is. 

anonymous said: lmaooo imagine the entire bucci gang's reaction when scarlet ribbon's user/reader end up with someone from la squadra XDD in the au where everyone lives of course

it’d be a battlefield... i guess if they weren’t fighting against one another like they were in the anime, it might be slightly better? but i can’t imagine it going over real well, since everyone would be v wary of la squadra. if reader is happy that’s one thing, but there’s going to be a lot of investigation going into it. they need to make sure she’s safe and sound qwq

anon said: Okay so if i got it right Scarlet Ribbon's attack can be a good way to escape out of GioGio's estate after his kidnapping, you know, like Spider man but in stead of spider web/beam it's cutesy pinky rope of ribbon 😂as for the ocean surrounding the island reader can coagulate their ribbons into a small boat and row themselve back to civilazation 👏😂👏 im thriving for independent reader pls don't mind me 🥺 again, much love + appreciation for you to came out with this awesome concept💓💘💓❤💓💕

ohh so like a yandere version of the SR verse? i’ve definitely given it some thought, since i write 99% yandere content (or smth close to that at least, math was never my best subject). anyways i think that it’d be chaotic for any yanderes to deal with scarlet ribbon darling, seeing as having a stand that versatile gives plenty of opportunities to escape! giorno has the added benefit of being able to track darling down using his own ability, but it’d be a game of cat and mouse for a while. i’ll definitely write a yan version of it one day...

anon said: hi lock!! I just wanted to pop by and say that I love your Scarlet Ribbons series so far ♡ such good food.... u spoil us.... :') that being said, what was your motivation behind it? why did you want to take a fluffy route as opposed to your usual yan content? ty and have a nice day!!

hello anon <3 i’m happy to know that you’ve been enjoying it!! trust me i’ve been having way too much fun fleshing everything out too, it’s been a Mega Muse . i still love writing yandere content the most, but i guess picturing a normal universe felt interesting in its own right. more possibilities open up. i had thought about it being everyone going yan, but i scrapped it when i realized that’d just lead to bucciarati’s team killing one another. i’ve given some thought to individual yandere’s in the universe though! 

i think that exploring different types of content is what helps prevent burnout!! so that’s why i’ve channeled some energy into a more normal universe, just so that when i want to write fluff/more humor based stuff i have an outlet for it. u vu...

anon asked: :eyes: what was rooming in with bruno like? how did he feel when reader went to room with fugo? what is rooming in with fugo like? WHAT RIVALRY DID THESE DORKS DEVELOP OVER THE ISSUE??hdknld i can imagine fugo preening when reader's with him and bruno is lowkey .__.)

THE INITIAL ROOMMATE ... boy bruno was pretty excited! i picture reader waking up early some mornings to make him breakfast/coffee, as a way of saying thank you. reader would be very grateful and feel indebted to bruno for all the kindness he’s shown, especially since he’s not even charging rent for staying at his place! it all has a nice, domestic feeling that bruno never realized he longed for. i’m sure he knows it won’t last forever, as nice as that sounds. 

even with all the times he reassured reader that money isn’t a problem, the thought of imposing on someone who has already given reader a lot is hard to get past. bruno had a bit of a stone face when reader mentioned becoming roommates with fugo, but ultimately wouldn’t want to monopolize her time or anything. he still gets to see her everyday! though he’s going to miss the special talks, and breakfasts ... :(( 

bruno probably picks up on fugo’s treatment towards reader before fugo even realizes how he feels lmao. he’s just hoping that no Funny business goes down, semi hypocritical as that may be. acting as a team leader means making scarifies for the well being of the group, and having to put his wants on the back burner. this is definitely one of those instances. 

anon said: Hey thank you for posting about scarlet ribbons, I’ve been having a very rough time mentally ( Rn I’m confined to a 3 mile radius of the house for medical reasons) and this brought me so much joy, I want to share my goth makeup tips with Leone and tend to my collection with GioGio, your characterisation of fugo has also totally changed my mind on him I didn’t even think he was cute before your writing! I hope you are doing well

aaaa i’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time. this is definitely a comfy type of series, so it makes me happy to know that it’s brought you some happiness!! i’ll be posting about it plenty, since i have loooots of ideas for it!! leone would love talking about makeup with you, since everyone else before trish is clueless on the subject. he’d likely surprise you with eye shadow palettes or lipstick that you’ve been wanting! in a very lowkey fashion, just kinda shoving it towards you and saying he saw it on sale and it’s whatever. on the inside he’s screaming though lmaoo

giorno is another person who, when isn’t focused on his dream and such, would be Dying for some reader one on one time. it’s cute, he tries to make his interest seem as organic as possible. he manages to pull it off well! 

I LOOOVE FUGO... once i got a more solid characterization for him down, i wanted to write for him a lot. i really wish we got to see more of him in the anime, but purple haze feedback gave lots of good insights to him as well! i think that while he’s more of a serious character, he’s been shown to have some snark as well.

[elizabeatrice]

Mystery Spot (Chapter 68)

Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga #4

If you get the title reference, I applaud you.

Warning: 1) !!! MANGA SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 68 !!! Duh.

2) I dropped a couple of f bombs and several curses here ... I really ranted lmao.

3) This reaction/review is closer to me spewing wild theories rather than an actual review. But these wild theories are my reactions. So. Ehhh these theories are probably wrong anyway. Lemme have my dark, twisted fun, mkay? Not sure if they’re entirely coherent though.

Had trouble copying some kanji this time around ‘cause they’re so freaking blurry! So I got too lazy to write this yesterday haha. Thank you Ropes of Fate for the translation! Truly commendable heroes of the fandom *sobs*. I also used three panels from Chapter 61, translated by Caim.

Let’s jump into it (ba dum tss).

This chapter is a bit shorter than usual and boy do you feel it. Well. At least I do. But I really hope sensei are taking some time to relax. Last chapter was 45 pages, after all. Y’all deserve it you wonderful creators.

First of all I would like to dedicate the biggest f bomb for the villagers because what the fuck. Why the fuck would you sacrifice poor, innocent young girls just to keep yourself safe? And it’s not even a sacrifice to kami-sama! Y’all just droppin’ these girls to be eaten by supernaturals! And y’all practically manipulated them smh.

Are y’all insane?! Y’all could’ve just moved the fuck out. What kind of insane people just decide to stay near a literal pit of hell? Don’t give me the ‘we’ve lived here for generations’ bs okay ‘cause y’all neighbors be getting eaten by supernaturals but y’all rather trade innocent young girls for your own safety. If Berkians and Asgardians can suck it up and be the bigger nation with all that ‘Berk/Asgard is not a place it’s the people’ shit, y’all can too.

I’ve disliked characters in JSHK before. But I’ve never hated JSHK characters before. Until now. Y’all fucking did it, dumbass villagers.

Ahem. Pardon me.

Because my brain is a literal self-debate machine let me just say that I did consider several possibilities in these ‘people’’s defense. There’s the obvious ‘some people back then didn’t know any better and believe a human sacrifice will solve everything’ mindset. Then there’s the possibility of them being trapped in their village for some reason, hence not having any other choice but to sacrifice those girls.

But y’know what else could be the case? ‘Cause my mind really went dark there for a bit.

The Minamoto clan let it happen.

In the last chapter it was mentioned that the Minamoto clan was involved. And this is a bit shocking now that I think about it more ‘cause Teru has always been adamant that all supernaturals are evil and must be exorcised, humans must be protected.

But what if they just let the villagers sacrifice these girls so that the monsters can be contained in this village, in that pit, instead of running amok to other places and cause more trouble?

Which makes me wonder.

Uh. Where did Teru go to? Does he know about this? Did he go to that pit (or that village, if Kamome Academy wasn’t built on its land)?

If he does know, isn’t he interested in saving a fellow human student and underclassman? If he does know about the Akane clan, isn’t he interested in telling his VP, who’s obsessed with an Akane? Unless ... you know ... he meant for this to happen, which I kinda doubt.

He must know something about this. He went out of his way to make Akane promise to protect Kou if something were to happen. What’s more dangerous than the Grim Reaper showing up looking for a sacrifice who turned out to be Kou’s beloved senpai’s best friend? What if Akane had to choose between Aoi and Kou at some point?

Okie next I wanna talk about Hanako. This is gonna sound just as far fetched as the previous bit lmao but here goes.

Boiiii y’all saw it. The pause before his answer. His face drawn out of view, in an evasive body language.

(Hanako my boy pls do us all a favor and stop lying to your girlfriend, we all know how well that turned out in Picture Perfect lmao)

Theory. He knew what’s been going on all along. Or at least the gist of it.

Remember this?

Imma take a detour a lil bit.

The Far Shore/torii gate refused Nene in chapter 67, right? In my Chapter 67 reaction I said it was the bracelet that saved her but now I think the bracelet probably disguised her as Sumire in the villagers’ eyes. So the Far Shore/torii gate refused her, and we all thought it was because she wasn’t an Akane.

But then we found out that Hanako was right about the village. It was just a ‘made up world’ inside Shinigami’s boundary. It’s just a reenactment of the day Sumire died, probably based on Shinigami’s memories, as the first page of Chapter 64 said.

So of course Nene was refused. Because in his memories, Sumire was the one who fell into the pit that day.

Sumire also said in this chapter’s narration that the villagers sacrificed young girls. Not Akane girls. Also, before the sacrifices began, the monsters already ate villagers anyway, right? They didn’t only eat young girls. It wasn’t said as such. The villagers probably just chose young girls because that’s sorta like the equivalent of offering the best meat or smth. Practically a please accept our humble offering of tenderloin wagyu, O Horrible Monsters.

The coveted bloodline thing was probably a plus, not obligatory. Often in stories, people with high ‘spiritual energy’ are supposed to taste more delicious and grant whoever eats their meat special powers or smth (e.g. Tang Sanzang from Journey to the West). Also ancient cultures sacrifice young girls often, that was the trend.

And they proceeded to try to sacrifice Nene anyway, despite her not being an Akane. They said it themselves. “It doesn’t matter if it’s that girl.”

So according to the (rather vague) information we have, it’s possible that the sacrifice doesn’t have to be an Akane or a girl.

Some of y’all have been theorizing that the Yugi twins got involved with supernaturals, and that sorta lead to their death.

What if this is it?

I myself am not sure how it went down if this is really the case. But I keep imagining our boy’s infamous ‘I’m not going anywhere’ being said by Sumire because bruh she’s the epitome of not going anywhere. She was chosen to be sacrificed since she was a child, not given a choice. Even after she died and became a yorishiro, she was imprisoned in this time prison world or whatever, reliving her death every single day with no escape.

And I couldn’t help but think ‘hoooo shit what if???’

I mean. I don’t know who was the chosen sacrifice. Could be Tsukasa, could be Amane. Maybe he killed his brother so that he wouldn’t get sacrificed, and decided that he’ll die along with his brother. I’m not going anywhere. Maybe it also means I’m not letting you send my brother to be eaten by monsters, and since we can’t escape either, we’re staying here no matter what.

And if the Minamotos were really in on it, it makes sense for Grandma Minamoto to accuse Amane of being an evil murderer. He practically got in the way ‘of other people’s safety’ by killing the chosen sacrifice.

banjjakz also said something about the possibility of Tsukasa being a previous sacrifice. Read about it here and here. It’s pretty interesting!

Besides, a wonder whose precious person got sacrificed and later became their yorishiro? That’d be some parallel, haha.

Sure, Sumire said ‘if the kannagi was switched’. But the early narration didn’t mention a sacrifice of kannagi. Just ‘young girls’.

Look just lemme have this, alright?

Oh. Also I wanted to point out the possible tension/trust issues between Hanako and Nene but many other blogs have pointed it out quite well so I’m just gonna stick with my wild theories.

But I will address what Nene said about the pit.

Where is said pit anyway? In Kamome? Why is it open? Is it Tsukasa changing rumors and allowing more supernaturals to cross back to the Near shore? More likely. I mean, he does grant wishes for supernaturals after all.

Oh. Speaking of Nene. Let’s give her a round of applause for her character development. She’s become of better judgement regarding men’s terrible behavior. Wow. That’s my girl. I mean, we still don’t know much about Shinigami, but from what I’ve seen so far, Sumire guuuurrrrllllll you deserve better.

Regardless of my ships, these supernatural boys should take notes from my precious Kou and how he loves so selflessly. Lmao. Remember that one post-chapter panels in Picture Perfect where he said he’ll find Nene a prince in the real world, even though he likes her? Broooo I want ten of this precious boy.

Lastly, Akane and Aoi.

Where are they? They look like they’re stranded in some wild boundary somewhere, the one with half sunken houses and lost things that usually appear in color spreads. I am so hyped, ‘cause I love the aesthetics, and I wanna see more of this place.

Oh. And Akane’s alive. Phew. I gotta be honest though, I kinda looked forward to his death. Not because I hate the kiddo. He’s technically still human, right. I’m just wondering whether his death or Aoi’s would cause Teru to outright declare war against the Seven Wonders because aren’t these folks supposed to protect students like they claim to be? (This, of course, ignores my previous theories about the Minamoto clan)

Basically I just wanna see some shit go down with Teru mkay ‘cause this powerful dude has been useless for quite too long now.

Aoi’s still pretty confusing, too. She went from this weird expression:

to this:

She kinda looked like she was still under the influence of the drug thingy. But she was also concerned about Akane, even though it’s not like how she worried about Nene in the past. And she knew Akane longer than her, they practically grew up together. Real Aoi would be in tears seeing his condition, y’all. So I guess the drug thingy’s effect is slowly wearing out.

Closing! JSHK is dark but usually not in ways my brain expects it to be. (And a lot of times I still get surprised with the amount of comedy it has lmao.) Sooo sensei are probably gonna prove me wrong about most of these, anyway. Haha.

As always feel free to discuss.

[bi-dazai]

honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.

I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.

Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.

And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex

There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.

And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.

But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.

Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.

At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.

I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.

The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.

It was traumatic, to say the least.

Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.

It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.

At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.

And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.

I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.

Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.

As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.

Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.

I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.

But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.

I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.

At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.

I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.

I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.

But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.

[mkw-raider]

I’d really love to read more of your work! Can I give a prompt rec? I think itd be cool to read a Christmas special fic like a secret Santa or smth where the girls gift eachother personal things and they have pure reactions 🥺

Hey nonny! I hope you enjoy what I came up with, and thank you for the prompt. I always take prompts even if I can’t get to them right away.

The day was cold and grey. Despite it being well into the snowy season, there was only a light dusting of snow covering the ground. Not enough to be an issue, but enough that Marinette thought everything looked much prettier. It could have been a blizzard and well below freezing, but nothing would ruin the day for Marinette.

It was a week away from Christmas break, but her friend group had decided that exchanging gifts should happen today. They had debated between secret Santa, or if all of them should just grab gifts for each other, but they all had multiple people in the group that they would buy presents for anyways and had decided that a price cap on gifts for everyone would be best. Of course, price didn’t matter for Adrien and Chloé, but for Nino, Alya, and Marinette a price limit kept them from breaking the bank. 

Marinette was ecstatic, all her gifts wrapped carefully in her bag, but she had to wait until lunch to exchange the gifts. All through her morning classes, Marinette shook with barely contained excitement. She loved the Holiday season, the weather was beautiful, Parisians were generally nicer, and now, it would be her first Christmas celebrating with her girlfriend. 

As soon as the bell rang for lunch, Marinette shot ahead of her friends. Grabbing Chloé’s hand as she raced by, Marinette pulled her girlfriend towards the lunchroom as quickly as possible. She had the perfect spot in mind, a table large enough for all of them in the corner, but against the windows so Marinette’s first picture of Chloé with her gift with a picture perfect background. Marinette already knew she would treasure the picture.

It took the rest of her friends time to catch up to them, but it gave Marinette the chance to set up her presents in a small pile, ready for distribution. By the time everyone was sat down, Marinette could barely contain herself. She shoved Adrien his present, a Ladybug pillow she had found when she began her search, and handed Nino and Alya their respective presents, matching phone charms of Rena Rouge and Carapace respectively.

Marinette tuned her friends out as they slid her presents towards her and began exchanging gifts, watching her girlfriend instead as she prodded the gift that had been placed in front of her. Chloé carefully lifted the present, before tearing into it gently. Marinette caught the exact moment Chloé realized what she was holding. Her eyes had widened slightly, a soft blush overtaking her cheeks. Her hand had raised itself to gently stroke the material in her hands. It was a soft, cotton hat. The very first thing Marinette had made her in their relationship. 

Marinette had kept it secret from her girlfriend, but she had noticed that Chloé never wore a hat, and had disliked most of the yellow hats they had come across when they had gone shopping together. Most either were bee themed, and though Marinette would have loved to see Chloé in a bee hat, she wasn’t interested, or the hats had pompoms, or were too tight on her head. Marinette had noted all the things Chloé didn’t approve of, and had made her a yellow hat of her own. Loose enough that she would have no issues, and sparing any pompoms or bee themes.

She knew she had done a good job when Chloé softly smiled and put it on, giving Marinette the perfect opportunity to take her picture, immediately setting the image as her phone’s new background.

Chloé turned her smile towards her girlfriend. She leaned on the table in front of her, resting her hand against her head so she could feel the brim of her hat, and she slid an envelope across the table to her girlfriend.

“This is part one, but you can’t open it until you see part two in your room. I had it delivered after you left this morning.”

Marinette gasped, “Chloé we had a price limit.”

Chloé laughed as Marinette pouted at her, “I promise I followed the limit, I just also wanted to surprise you.”

She loved when Chloé smiled at her, loved when Chloé laughed, and she really loved how Chloé could be so thoughtful with her surprises, so Marinette decided to trust her girlfriend. 

The rest of the day passed by in a blur, and soon enough Marinette was climbing up to her room with Chloé trailing behind her. Throwing open her trapdoor, Marinette came face to face with packages of fabric. Against the far wall of her room, behind her chaise, was a knew shelf, already filled with more fabric. Marinette knew her girlfriend, she would have gone to an expensive store and gotten her the best the store had to offer, which meant there was hundreds of dollars of fabric suddenly in her possession.

“This is definitely over the price limit.”

Chloé had come up behind her and slipped her arms around Marinette’s waist. “What are you talking about? Part two of your present was the new shelf. I spent well within the price limit, I got it on sale.”

“But, all of the fabric. Chloé, I know I don’t own this much material.”

“Read your note, Mari.”

Marinette pulled the envelope free, unfolding it. Hey Mari, I know what you’re thinking, ‘The fabric is too much’. I didn’t buy any of it though, Mother bought it for you, so technically it isn’t my gift. I know I’m going to be busy until the New Year and you were bummed we wouldn’t spend the Holidays together, so this is my main gift. I cleared my schedule. Or as cleared as I could. I’m free for the next three days, all for you, and I’ve managed to get father to agree to my absence for a Christmas Eve event if your family will still have me for dinner. I love you, Mari.

Feeling like she was about to cry, Marinette turned in Chloé’s arms to bury her face in the taller girl’s shoulder. Breathing in Chloé’s scent, Marinette smiled. Her girlfriend was the best.

“I love you too, Chloé.”

[musette22]

Hi Minnie! First of all, thank you for being so sweet, reasonable and respectful, I can't even describe how much joy your blog gives me! You are a true pro in emotional support for Evanstan fandom, so I guess I kinda need some reassurance. [1]

The thing is, as you probably know, some Seb stans on Twitter take the whole Chris insta situation and turn it into smth embarassing, like making fun of Seb and Mackie ignoring Chris and calling the idea of the challenge stupid (even though Chris did donate, not just "asked fans for money", as they say). It's like they feel the need to attack the first before smb calls they fav out. [2]

I know there ARE good people in Seb fandom, it's just that the aggressive ones are so loud and spread their bs so fast, I end up seeing it on my TL. No matter how stupid it sounds, it keeps making me sad to see so much hate towards Chris and his fans not from some random locals but from Seb stans. It's like two halves of my heart are torn apart. Not even ship-wise, it just seems so hard to love them both and be present on twitter these days. [3]

And, since I'm whiney af today, one more twitter thing: the CW promo era was some kind of honeymoon for us, sure, but I've recently seen some opinions on how Chris was all lovey-dovey and Seb was stiff and bored and uncomfortable, how their interviews were unnatural and boring. I mean, in my part of fandom (non-English speaking country) there has always been a popular perception of boys' dynamic as these "over-excited puppy playing around a confused cat" vids, if you know what I mean. [4]

But it kinda seemed ok for me, and the way they acted a little awkward around each other etc. Well, you can tell I'm easily affected cause now it does feel more negative to me. Stuuupid, I know. Maybe it's my "let's feel sorry for Chris and his fans" phase, idk. Sorry for bringing it here, you just seem to reassure people so well. [5 and last, it was long lol]

Hello my lovely!! This was indeed long hahaha but that’s totally fine, I myself am also someone who also has trouble keeping things short to I feel you 😘 

This is a very long reply so I’m putting it under the cut so I don’t clog up people’s dashes!

Okay so first of all, let me say I was never a fan of Twitter, but everything I’ve heard lately has just lowered my opinion of it even further. I know there’s a lot of amazing stuff and brilliant folks on there as well, but it also seems to be where all the bitchy, hateful, entitled and inappropriate people congregate. So personally, I’m very happy with my little community on Tumblr when it comes to fandom, and for news and social media I prefer actual news outlets and instagram. The sad truth is that there are a lot of harmful and hateful opinions in the world, and as someone who struggles with anxiety, I try to find ways to avoid a lot of it. Especially the stuff I can’t do anything about (you can try to reason with most haters until you’re blue in the face, and 90% of the time it’s not going to make an ounce of difference). It’s much easier to curate your own experiences on platforms like Tumblr and even Instagram than it is on Twitter, or so I’ve gathered. So I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of helpful advice for you there apart from ‘maybe try and stay away from Twitter if you can’ which you probably don’t really want either...

As for the whole Seb vs Chris issue: it’s clearly completely ridiculous. There is no ground whatsoever to believe they’re at odds. At worst, they’re now just casual work friends, but there is no reason to believe there’s any bad blood. It’s interesting to consider that initially, the argument seemed to be they had fallen out and both disliked each other (no idea where that came from but sure), then it was that Chris didn’t like Sebastian (because he allegedly shaded him when he joked that Scarjo was the only one of his friends who came to see Lobby Hero), and then Chris got Instagram and tagged and followed Seb, but because Seb hasn’t responded to the challenge yet, he now apparently hates Chris. For what reason, god only knows, because only last year at MCM London (where I was present myself) Sebastian gushed about Chris and his experiences with him while filming the Cap movies, and lets not forget it was him who initiated the hug at the Endgame premiere. Long story short: they don’t dislike each other. They’re completely fine, people just like to make up drama for whatever reason.   

As for the Sebastian stans who hate Chris and vice vera: to be honest, I wasn’t even really aware it was an issue until recently, because I was under the naive impression that it was kind of impossible to love one but hate the other. Both of them are such amiable, sweet, thoughtful, funny, talented guys, and everyone who actually knows them adores them, so why on earth anyone could hate either of them is beyond me. But even if you do, I genuinely don’t understand this need to pit them against each other? Why? I think a lot of it is down to people just liking drama, or being actual 12 year-olds who still see the world in a kind of high school dynamic-way. I’m not saying Chris and Sebastian have never done anything wrong, but in my opinion, none of it warrants outright hate or being cancelled over. It’s such an immature and unreasonable take. I’m just sorry for the people who can’t love both of them, because man, are they missing out! I understand that it’s painful for you to see all those opinions when you love both of them so much, but that’s why I try to just avoid them. I know they exist, but not seeing them makes dealing with it a whole lot easier, I promise! ❤️

With regard to the challenge itself: if the celebrities who are taking part in it are not donating themselves, then yeah, that would be problematic. However, we know that Chris donates to a ton of different charities, so there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s donated to this cause as well. Asking people to buy tickets to try and win this “prize” is not in itself an issue, if you ask me. People can think for themselves, can’t they? If they think it’s worth it, they think it’s worth it. They’re not being forced to part with their money, and moreover said money is being used to help people in need. Of course fake and problematic charities exist, but there are still good ones out there as well, so let’s assume for the moment this one is actually doing all of this from a genuine desire to help people and it’s not some money grabbing scheme.

Furthermore, as I’ve said so many times before, I really don’t believe Sebastian and Mackie are “ignoring” Chris. If they’re choosing not to do the challenge (they still might do it at some point) then I’m sure they have a good reason for that and it isn’t that they’re holding a grudge and are thinking “screw this charity and that Chris Evans, I’m going to ghost him to get my revenge!” I mean, do these people even realize how ridiculous that sounds 🙄 I also believe they would have let Chris know about their decision privately. They do have each other’s phone numbers, you know... 

And lastly, about the CW press tour... I don’t know what footage these people have been watching to come to such conclusions, or what’s wrong with their eyes and ears, but that makes NO sense to me. I’ll tell you what; it was mostly the footage from the CW press tour that got me convinced there was something going in between the two of them! Both Chris and Sebastian acted in a way that screamed “smitten kittens” to me, and if there was ever any “stiffness” from Sebastian’s side, then that was no doubt just his slightly more reserved personality compared to Chris and Mackie’s. Chris and Sebastian’s videos together give me LIFE, so for anyone to call them boring is actually kind of insulting lol. To me, almost every interaction Chris and Seb had during that press tour showed that they were either low-key (in a friendship way) or high-key (in a romantic way) crushing on each other, and they clearly admire each other very much. Any awkwardness I’ve ever seen between them for me seemed to stem from that crush (is anyone not at least a little awkward around their crush sometimes?) and not from any dislike from either side. That’s actually such a ridiculous idea to me that it doesn’t even make me worried, it just makes me laugh. Some people really don’t have eyes, it seems. 

Anyway, that was a reeeeeeaaaaaallllyyyyy long reply lmao, I’m sorry! I hope this helps a little though, because I do know how shitty it is to feel like you do about things that are supposed to make you happy!! Tuning out the haters and focusing on people who feel the same way you do in my experience is the best way to get to feeling good again 🥰 Big hug, and hopefully you’ll feel better soon!

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[lost-in-the-spectrum]

How did I get my diagnosis for the Asperger-Synrome?

Hello Folks,

I hope you are doing well and hopefully this post will help some people out there with… whatever they need help in.

Today I’d like to tell you the story of how I actually got to my Asperger diagnosis: How did I know that there could be smth like that? How was the assessment? This post could help some people with getting prepared for an assessment like that, it could also help with even figuring out how to get to an assessment like that tho. All things which I am describing and writing in that post is only about me. These are experiences which I made and that doesn’t mean that you’re about to make the same experiences at all. Never mind if bad or good experiences ... don’t let this story unsettle you!

So... Everything started with meeting dad’s girlfriend for the first time. It was after a long search for a place to stay at. I was forced to be homeless for, I guess 6 months – luckily not longer – because me and my sister didn’t come along very well and my mother died 2013 which took my only home away from me. I also had a weird relationship to my other relatives which is the reason why I absolutely couldn’t imagine to live with them. And in addition, I couldn’t expect from the few friends I had that time that they take me to their homes and try to, you know... support me with food and all that stuff. They all had their own problems and at the same time they all haven’t had money either, especially not for a second person to feed.

So I had no other choice. My dad picked me up at my sister’s house and we both drove all the long way to Berlin, where he lived with his girlfriend. The story between us three is very difficult and private. Let’s say it at this way: Living with my mum became kinda impossible for my dad which is why he has chosen an other woman he could imagine to live with. Yes, I know, first I was furious about that decision too but after talking with my dad I could understand his point. Just to make that point clear that there is no reason to dislike him for the choices he had to make, also for himself. Anyway his girlfriend was a hard thing for me. I didn’t want to have an other woman except my mum by dad’s side and in general I was always scared of meeting her because I have never met her in my life before... and she has been in dad’s life since I was about five years old. So when we arrived at their apartment and ringed she opened the door for us. First of all: She didn’t look like I have imagined. I saw few photos of her somewhere as a kid – and thought she’d be only a good friend of dad... I was naive – and on these photos, I think, she looked a bit different. I was a little surprised, she too. But not because she didn’t know that I am coming – she did know – later she told me that she was stunned by my beauty and she was honest and serious about that thought she had. She also told me that she was scared too to meet me for the first time. She actually expected me to hate her by first sight because she knows what kind of role she’s playing in my life. I was nervous of meeting her for the first time but I’d never have been mean to her, never mind what kind of role or position she is having in my life.

We spent some time together, not only to get to know her better but also because I kinda liked her, at least for the first moments we had together. We talked a lot and went up to the bakery to bring some bread for the morning. We have done that together for many times so that I could see where to go and one morning she told me to bring the bread. So I did, I mean, we have walked that way for three times! I should know where the place is. Well, I didn't.

I walked the way I remembered but suddenly the streets and surrounding looked a little different to me. Or no, they didn't. It was the same as before but I couldn't find the way we both walked together. My “inner navigation” was so bad all of sudden, I didn't even know that it apparently was. So I went to the wrong bakery where the bread we always used to buy was a little more expensive. I was so overdone with that that I didn't care. I bought 5 breads for us, two for dad, two for her and only one for me. We all used to have two breads for the morning but I couldn't afford the second one for me. When I came back I told her my issue and explained that I didn't know where to go so I bought the bread in that bakery where I was. I was disappointed and upset and I didn't hide it. I never really do. She was understanding or at least not angry at all, she just said that we can go the way again or she tries to explain me the way. In the next times I found the right bakery but I seriously needed a self drawn map to find it … even though we have been walking there for three times.

Then one evening, she made some dinner- stuffed paprika with beef and rice and a really nice tomato sauce – and we started talking again about the issue I had. She started telling me that she thinks I could have a kind of disorder which I should already have had since the age of at least five.* She asked me then: 'Have you ever heard of the Asperger-Syndrome?” I of course said that I've never heard about that and asked what it is supposed to be. 'It is Autism or at least one of the many sorts of in the spectrum.' First I thought she's kidding me and in fact annoyed that I have got so many issues with things so that she called me like that or seriously thinks I should be autistic because I seem to be unable to do things. I thought she was offending me because all I knew about these people to that time is that they have a special or even strange behaviour. Also I mixed all these people up and have put them in one box because that is all I heard about them. I didn't know better. Then before I could ask if she's serious she already started telling me why she thinks like that: The way I talk, the fact that I never or barely looked in her eyes while we talked, the fact that I had that issue with finding the way which is actually a simple one – yes, it was... - and my talent and passion for drawing comics and illustrations in a really little time and almost totally perfectly. In addition the things my dad told her, how I was as a little kid and that I had problems to find the one or other friend at school as I never wanted to play with other kids in the kindergarten... she told me that all these things are very familiar to her. She is French-, English-, and German teacher and at the same time she worked half time in the school psychology to test children if they are gifted or having special problems with certain exercises and subjects. She has met many children there and some of them where autistic and behaved almost exactly like me. She also told me what's typical for that syndrome and the more she told me the more I recognized myself in her description. I was surprised and confused, nobody has ever told me about that before, no one ever mentioned that I could have it. I was only the antisocial, bad behaving kid – fun fact: bad behaving because I didn't always say thank you to someone – and many people didn't like me for that. She told me that we could make an online testing first before we start to maybe contact someone who's an expert in it. I agreed, what could go wrong? And I really wanted to know.

So, we made the online test which includes some general questions about my behaviour and “attitude” and the result told us: there is a high possibility for me to have the Asperger-Syndrome. It wasn't to 100% sure that I have it but it was a reason to contact that one person who's an expert in it and who could tell if I have. So dad's girlfriend contacted him and made an appointment. Unfortunately I was meant to wait over a year to get an appointment there and to finally figure out what's wrong with me. We didn't want to wait so we paid... and then we had an appointment just one week later.

We drove to Potsdam near Berlin where the person lived. We met him at his house – yes, where he lived and had his private life – and introduced ourselves, told him that we made this appointment with him because we think I could have the Asperger-Syndrome. And then he started to test me in different tasks. First of all I had to answer some several questions on a piece of paper. How do I feel in certain situations, what are my interests and hobbies, in which things I am absolutely not interested in even though these things are normally interesting to people at my age. I also had to watch pictures of human eyes to tell if these are happy, sad, angry or else. Then he asked my father about my childhood and if there was any special behaviour those days. Dad told what the matter was: I haven't had many friends, spent a lot of time alone in my room drawing comics for almost 2 hours because without that I got nervous and also aggressive. I needed this to feel comfortable. I had a strong imagination and fantasy, could create adventurous stories in a short time and when I was little – about 5 years old – I walked around with a little piece of paper or a small straw of wheat and talked to it or had conversations with it. Sometimes I even created conversations between two personalities, some kind of role play and all in my mind. People kept saying that this isn't a point because little kids mostly have a huge imagination in playing but the way I imagined was special and maybe a little odd. He also mentioned that on some days at my age 'now' – so eighteen those days – I've been sitting at the computer for about three hours – on some days less or even more – playing The Sims 3 creating crazy characters and building crazy houses. The way my dad told him seemed worried and I had such a feeling that my dad tried to convince that man to tell me that this isn't normal and I should stop that. But the man didn't say anything about it. He just wrote it down for the results if I've got the syndrome or not. The  assessment was made of talking and answering to questions on a paper including some “riddles” I had to solute. And at the end of it – after six hours including a little break in between – the man told us that he'll check my answers out. He wasn't sure if I really got it but he could tell that he thinks I may got an attention disorder which prevents me to be focused all the time and which makes me easy to get distracted. And so we left the place and got prepared to wait for the results... until today.

Yes, you read correctly: I haven't got the results by that man until today and the appointment at his place was already about six years ago. Getting a diagnosis never lasts that long so we've tried to contact this man for many times. Not only my dad and his girlfriend but also doctors and psychologists later. Never got an answer and never got the diagnosis if there even was one.

Before this the relationship between me and dad's girlfriend got worse and dad and her began to argue really often. I didn't know if this happened more often than I realized and if they already argued before I came around but I felt kinda uneasy and even a little guilty for that. I also have an insecure personality disorder which makes me often and easily think to be guilty in many things even though it's not the truth. The arguing lasted pretty long and I realized it was probably because of me just like I thought. One time I passed their bed room and just by accident I listened and heard what she said about me. She said since I've been there they argue really often and that I might be the reason for it. I felt very bad for it and that situation got worse.

Later my dad apparently decided to leave with me. He planned to live at his brother's place with me as long as we try to figure out what to do next. The late afternoon before we left, dad's girlfriend sat at the table in the kitchen and she was sad, crying of course. I joined her and before I could ask what the matter is – I mean I knew it but yet I wanted to ask – she just looked into my eyes, furious, sad, disappointed, that's what I could tell because there wasn't anything to misunderstand in that look... she told me again, that dad is gonna leave her for me and I just replied that I am sorry for that, feeling guilty and that I never meant to make that happen.

She just said: 'Well I can't take that feeling of guilt away from you. And I don't want to. If I have to suffer, you should suffer too.'

Those words were very hard. They hurt me and made me feel like a huge mistake. I started thinking many thinks because... I wasn't just depressive. I was suicidal. And that feeling got stronger after hearing this. My dad gave me my suitcase and took his own one. We went downstairs and put them into the car. Then we left.

Some time ago I got a kind of 'legal guardian ', a very nice woman who took care of formal things and who also took a look on my money on my bank account. Her job was it to support me with all these things in life. My dad told her about the disaster we were in and that it's an emergency. So the woman did her best and found a place for me to stay at: A 'social psychological' commune for young people with depressions and other conditions – like me. This commune was in Kiel. My dad and I drove to that place for an introducing meeting to get to know the commune. It was a very nice place, the house was kind of 'JugendStil', so pretty vintage but also modern in either way. The educators there and also the Chef of the commune, a woman at the age of about 35 I guess, were totally nice to me. They noticed the emergency and understood why it was so important to me to finally get help. They met me as a very skinny, depressive person who was tired of life and being. I moved there and had finally the chance to be able to build up an own life.

Living in this commune I also found a psychologist there where I mentioned my Asperger-Syndrome which people think I could have. She started to contact the man in Potsdam too, even twice, as did my 'legal guardian '. No success, no answer, neither to the phone nor to the mail address. But it was certain that we need this diagnosis to maybe find the right therapy for me. So my psychologist contacted an other woman who is also making  assessments   like that. She came around one day and met me, started the assessment. But this  assessment was different. This time my dad wasn't there to tell how I was a child. I repeated the things he told the man in Potsdam and answered to some questions the woman asked me. About my attitude, behaviour and so on. Actually the same but without testing sheets. At the same time she had a white board next to her and explained me what the Asperger-Syndrome actually is, how differently 'our' brain works in contrast to people without the syndrome. That was pretty interesting and something the man in Potsdam didn't do. I got tested in it and at the same time  I learned what it actually is. I also gave permission to be filmed while she's testing me. I still have the video here and it's so weird to see how I looked those days. Much more different than now.

At the end of it all she told me: 'Well, you indeed got it. There is no doubt.' I was happy but confused at the same time. How is it possible that a person who is known for  assessments  like that wasn't sure about my syndrome but this woman who got the same knowledge has no doubts that I'm having it?

I then finally got my diagnosis that day and to be honest: I had a feeling that my life would turn into a better and more confident one because I finally knew who I am.

So Folks, that's my story how I got the diagnosis. It's a pretty long text but I needed to tell you everything what happened to finally get the explanation of who and what I am. You see, the way to this diagnosis can be very long and complicated. The man hasn't given me my diagnosis yet until today, there for I got it from an other person at the same day where I got tested and it was obviously clear that I have it.

Maybe you're prepared now if you should ever want to get tested and as I've already said: This is only my story. It could be that you'll get an appointment much quicker than me and that you get your diagnosis just some days or weeks later – not like with that man who has never given me this until today – maybe you also get the result on the same day as I got from that woman. Just be sure and think about these things before you try to get an appointment: Do you really need it because you want to know what's wrong with you? Because you need special help which you can only get if you have that diagnosis? Would it help you or others to understand you? Or do you actually have no issues with it so that it doesn't matter? Think about these questions before you go on a probably exhausting journey as me, prepare yourself and listen to what your heart needs. My heart needed an explanation for my personality to realize that it's not because of me people got problems with my personality. It's because of them because they have never taken the time to figure out what kind of person I am.

Just saying: There are many people who love the way I am. I seem to be a cool person, not as crap as some idiots tried to make me think.

Have a good day, friends! See you later!

[thefudge]

How is it right that Dany can crucify people when not everyone who she crucified is guilty. Why is collective punishment ok just because the people being punished belong to one class instead of the other. I thought collective punishment of a group whether or not they are guilty was wrong.

i don’t know where this is coming from, but it’s an interesting question and here’s how to look at it, from my point of view

a) i think the show/books are pretty clear in not totally condoning dany’s actions against slavers, despite her passionate reasoning (the show doesn’t do a good job with the ethical ramifications, but rather the practical ones). the issue is not solely rooted in morality; it’s also the fact that collective punishments don’t work on a practical level. dany’s reformation of slaver’s bay is a complicated process which she had hoped to streamline by simply purging the slavers’ class indiscriminately (more on that later on). GRRM and the showrunners (in their hamfisted way) are pointing out that it takes more than that to rehabilitate these societies. 

b) “ when not everyone who she crucified is guilty” - this is our modern outlook on things, but in the world of asoiaf, the mentality is “you have to raze the whole village”, a principle applied by many characters in both books and show. basically, you don’t leave survivors of a certain group or community you mean to disempower, because they will rise up and try to stir that shit again (in this case, they’ll try to bring back slavery, and wouldn’t you know it, the slavers/masters in neighboring cities do. in fact one of the reasons they want to invade mereen is to bring back the good ol’ days. the discussion is a bit more complicated in the books, because there’s a lot more political chaos on both sides). however, you can’t exterminate everyone and call it a day. GRRM underlines that the “raze the whole village” model doesn’t work in the long run, because there are always ppl who survive and remember what happened (”the north remembers” is coming for the boltons in the books), or alternately, the damage done by the extent of the violence has ramifications that the perpetrators don’t even understand.

the best example of this is tywin obliterating house reyne (and btw, unlike dany, he doesn’t just execute the male adult “masters”/nobility, he makes sure no infant, woman, or elder person survives the purge). in theory, tywin is removing a tumor so that nothing will grow back. the problem is, the story of house reyne became infamous. and this made house lannister look formidable and impregnable, BUT, very importantly, it imposed a future pattern: house lannister from now on will have to keep one-upping the competition, secure their power by totally exterminating other houses. if they do anything less, their prestige wanes, i mean there’s even a song about it, for christ’s sake. it’s basically like crossing a line. once you do that, you have to keep crossing it to maintain your position. basically, tywin showed his hand: he doesn’t negotiate, show compassion, or adapt, which makes the whole “a lannister always pays his debts” more of a funeral dirge than a bargaining chip. it also makes house lannister inflexible and rooted in a model that can’t survive a modernization of westeros. (which reminds me, i know there’s talk in the books that tyrion is the child that most resembles tywin, but i think cersei isn’t far off. she has the same mentality of “leave no survivors” which she thinks is very clever cuz she got it from her daddy lol anyway)

these are the ramifications leaders, both good and bad, don’t always see. dany, who is a much better person than tywin all around (and no, i won’t debate this), is also slowly required to up the ante, to cross certain lines. and once you do that, you have to keep going forward (”if i look back, i’m lost”). 

this is all to say that while we as readers/viewers can perceive dany’s actions as problematic, dany and her contemporaries would not, not to the extent we do. in the world of asoiaf this is just another strategy. on the other hand, while readers/viewers didn’t necessarily celebrate the crucifying of slavers & nobility, no one wept over it either. and here i contend with the ethical argument:

(more under the cut cuz this is getting too long) 

 as many others have argued, dany doesn’t understand the hierarchy or the inner workings of these societies and may be killing innocent people while other guiltier masters may get away (163 masters for 163 children is a tough thing to get 100% right). but dany doesn’t have the resources or the ability to measure everyone’s degree of complicity. that’s why in modern society, collective punishment is frowned upon, you just can’t quantify that shit. that doesn’t mean whole groups don’t benefit off of exploitation and must be exonerated. we just don’t resort to indiscriminate violence. in the asoiaf universe, however, when you can’t quantify it, you do what you think is the next best thing which is to root out the tumor. who is likely to reinstate slavery and rise against dany? the masters & nobles. it should also be pointed out that the crucifying is her passionate response to the earlier crucifying of slave children. 

no, dany’s actions aren’t right (or smart, in the long run) and she suffers the consequences for it since she hasn’t really eradicated the problem but 1) the slavers are forcing her hand. she has to respond to the crucifying of children, otherwise she will appear to the people she’s liberating as not much different from the slavers, 2) she is acting on the assumption of the greater good (and her own great destiny as liberator), which can very easily blind a leader to the nitty-gritty of day-to-day politics.

basically, dany is #trying but failing due to 1) deeply flawed systems that were installed long before she got there and 2) her own skewed perception of what a leader can do. 

now, does this make her a blood-thirsty tyrant? i say no. i say she is a good mirror for the unexamined righteous self. she is actually more like us than we’d care to admit. we like to think our heart is in the right place as we strive to do the right thing, but sometimes we end up making things worse. 

and this is coming from someone who has always squinted at dany’s biased and rose-tinted portrayals in the fandom. i’ve always been a dany skeptic who sees a tragic, rather than truly heroic figure in her. she is meant to be an anti-heroine, make no mistake about it, but she will never be the gross caricature d&d fashioned in 1 and ½ episodes. like i said, d&d actually made me more of a dany fan after their reductive conclusion. 

the recent dany love from many ppl stems not from deciding to uncritically “stan” her 5ever, but as a response to d&d’s bad writing. once GoT is put to bed, i think there’s room for more nuanced discourse (and there’s a lot of it already). and as an aside, you can still support and cherish dany and see where her faults lie. 

as a second aside, i always find it interesting that such complex debates about ethics always revolve around dany, but not so much when it comes to other characters. the northeners’ purity politics & isolationism on the show, for instance (which extends to those barbarous wildlings that have to go back beyond the wall)? unexamined. but dany tries to do smth about slavery??? what a heinous human being. again, i know the argument is made in good faith, because after all, the books themselves are supposed to make you question dany’s actions. but i don’t think GRRM meant for ppl to dedicate so much time thinking about those poor, poor masters/slavers. GRRM is rather pointing out the fallacies of collective punishment as a rule, as you mentioned yourself (it never works, it isn’t moral etc) but we’re not supposed to become devil’s advocate for the oppressors (i mean his depiction of some of those nobles & slavers in book 5? priceless. they’re all dehumanized caricatures, or just plain dehumanized).