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#just watched the hours 2002
hangsawoman · 2 years
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“to look life in the face, always to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is. at last, to know it, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away.... always the years between us, always the years, always the love, always the hours.”
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warlenys · 26 days
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. lesbianism is the Point. of all of it
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deathzgf · 10 months
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no " destiny has brought me this lamb chop " or " you think you ' re so great because you have boats " can EVER top " A POLISH POLAND ? ? ? "
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This is how I spend a weekend
I watched Minority Report on Friday night although I had a strong hunch that I would Not Like it, because Tom Cruise is smoking hot in it. Turns out, I did not like it, but Tom Cruise was hot. Absolutely no regrets.
And then I spent the entire Saturday thinking about the blocking and set design in Minority Report, woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. So I went back and watched thirty more minutes of grey dreck just so that I could stare at Tom's beautiful face and on Sunday morning I am exhausted.
Now its 3pm on Sunday and ... I am rewatching the rest of Minority Report because TC is positively glowing in every shot he appears in.
I don't know what it is about this guy, there's just something magical that draws the eye to his face at the exclusion of everything else on the screen.
Observation 1: He can do the subtle eyes shimmering with tears really well. We don't even know what really happened with John's son the first two times this expression appears and I am already sad because I'm empathizing Hard, and hey, I am a deeply unemotional person due to being dead inside. OCD and a lousy job will do that to a person. But I'm also terribly, terribly aroused. The script is thin with regard to John's character but TC's vulnerability and the thin, almost bruised-looking skin under his eyes just Does Things to me.
Observation 2: He can't convey anger with depth. It's just shouting.
SPOILERS AHEAD. If you can even spoil a twenty year old movie. Maybe with expensive vacations and designer lingerie. I'm too poor to have ever tried.
Observation 3: The movie is better on a second watch. I can mentally filter out the silly comedic/action elements that should not have been there in the first place. Without them it's a straight up neo-noir in the vein of LA Confidential. Just as in LA Confidential, there's a Twink (Danny Witwer/Colin Farrell), an evil authority figure, and a beautiful, deeply tormented, emotionally repressed cop.
Observation 4: TC's eyebrows and hair have never looked better.
Observation 5: John Anderton is in love with Lamar Burgess. Of this much I am sure. He saves his only real smile for Lamar and ... hahahaha ... we all know what happens next.
I'm replaying bits of this compulsively. Something intensely fucked up and loving happened between these two men.
"Remember, the eyes ... the eyes of the nation are on us right now. And we both know, I'm not the generation anyone listens to, but people trust you, John. When you speak of your absolute belief in pre-crime, they know its a belief born of pain, not politics. I always understood that, and I may have even encouraged it, to help with the cause. [Deep sigh] But now, your pain is hurting both of us."
Lamar meets John eyes briefly before looking away. John has been looking at Lamar the whole time. John continues to gaze at Lamar with so. much. Love. Concern. And all these feelings just getting in the way of what is So Obvious to Us. Lamar is hiding something. John is honest.
"They're not gonna take it away from us. [long pause. Continues to stare into the face of his Beloved/Teacher/Saviour/Master. Makes a vow] I won't let them."
We stay with this moment for awhile before cutting away (BUT NOT LONG ENOUGH). Which is (still) lovely and a lot of modern films don't do this.
I think, I think this is the most intimate, personal interaction in this movie. Minority Report is poxy with zooming camera, overbearing soundtrack, office environments. But when Lamar and John speak, its quiet and the camera just stops fucking around and doesn't get in the way.
Max von Sydow is class. He's inherently slinky and he purrs.
These two minutes hold the seeds (or fragments? fragments) of a much better movie.
At this moment, I don't know if Tom Cruise can Act, but that face was carved by the Gods.
*deep sigh*
I can't finish the rewatch.
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scoriarose · 4 months
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A baby rattle snake following its mommy ❤️
Definitions of parental behavior differ, but Shine points out that mother snakes seem to go to some trouble for their offspring. For instance, python moms will often stay coiled around their pile of eggs for about 2 months, even though they haven’t had anything to eat for 6 or 7 months. At first glance, it might seem hopeless for a cold-blooded animal to try to incubate its eggs. When the temperature drops sufficiently, though, the python shivers, thereby warming the clutch with heat derived from muscle activity. Many rattlesnakes and their pit viper cousins don’t lay eggs but instead give birth to ready-to-wriggle offspring. Back in the Chiricahua foothills of Arizona, the black-tailed rattler mother that so excited Hardy and Greene stayed near her youngsters and the sheltering rocks of the birth site for more than 9 days. The scenes that the researchers described in 2002 might apply as well to a mother dog and her pups. On day 4 after the birth, Hardy observed superfemale 21 near the birth site as five of her newborns crawled around. They had worked their way out of the shelter’s entrance, over the mother’s body, and a little way into the surrounding grass. An hour later, several youngsters had piled on top of her. When one wriggled over her head, she tolerantly rearranged her coils. Thus, the days went by with the family basking just outside its rocky den. About 9 days after birth, the little snakes shed their skins as their mother watched from a few inches away. The youngsters then disappeared, presumably crawling off on their own. Greene and Hardy’s detailed monitoring of black-tailed rattler life had convinced them that the females typically don’t eat during winter hibernation or the spring pregnancies that follow. Greene paints a heroic picture of the mother, who further delays her return to hunting. “She hasn’t eaten for about 10 months, but she stays around for 10 more days,” he says. He and Hardy have since observed similar behavior in several females.
Source: https://www.sciencenews.org/article/social-lives-snakes
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bingbongsupremacy · 5 months
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Marry Me?
Pairing: Spencer Reid x reader
Warning: I haven't seen criminal minds in a bit so idk if the Spencer in this is 100 percent accurate
Summary: Spencer asks you to marry him at the most random time. Garcia does not approve.
*Not Proof Read* ABC List Criminal Minds
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" That's horrifying. " I wrinkle my nose at the sight of the bloody decapitated woman in the photos lying scattered around the table. This is why I work with Garcia.
Sticky notes are messily pasted onto the photos, illegible scribbles covering them.
" It is. " Spencer agrees.
" Why did you call me in here? " I ask, confused why my boyfriend called me in if he isn't going to expand further on the topic.
Spencer picks up a large Manila folder and shuffles through the contents. " I think I might have figured out the pattern we were looking for. " He pulls out a small stack of papers, each with the name of a high school in the corner. " The Unsub is killing girls from the same high school. Each girl attended the school at a different year. It's like he's going down the line of years. If I'm right, he'll been picking a girl from 2002 next. "
I scan over one of the papers he hands me. " Shit, you're right. " Excitement fills my body. We've been working on this for hours. He figured it out! " Spencer, this is fucking amazing! You figured it out! We need to tell the others. "
" Yes. I also think I might know who the next potential victim is based on other patterns I picked up along the way. " Spencer rambles on. " I think he might be going after Piper Johnson next, the woman we saw on the news interview. We need to check if she's okay. By the way, do you want to get married? "
His words come out so fast it takes me a second to process.
" W-What? " My eyes widen. Did I hear correctly?
Spencer is looking at me his gaze steady. He looks serious. " I know it's a little random, but this case really had me thinking. We don't know how much time we have together. God forbid one of us gets hurt or worse. I don't want to waste any more time with you. I love you and I want to be with you. I'd be the happiest man on earth if you said yes. "
For a moment I forget we're surrounded by gruesome shit. All I can think about is Spencer and our future. All of our plans.
A large smile makes its way onto my face. " Of course I will, Spence. I love you. " I smash my face into his, our lips meeting and immediately sending shivers through my body.
" I love you too, Y/N. So fucking much. " His voice rumbles against my lips.
" You did not just fucking ask Y/N to marry you in a room surrounded by dead women. Spencer, what the fuck. " A surprised voice interrupts us.
Surprised, Spencer and I pull apart to find the owner.
Garcia stares at us, her mouth hung open in surprise. " And you accepted his proposal? Are you insane? Don't get me wrong, you guys are perfect for each other. This proposal was just...so...gory. " She glances at the pictures around the room. " I'll help you plan out a real proposal, alright? Let's press pause on this until tonight. I'll have it all ready by the time you guys get back. " She says confidently, taking on the task we didn't ask her to do.
" It's really not that big of a deal- " I begin.
" It'll be done by tonight. " She says sternly, holding her hand up to stop any argument. " Now, you go let the others know what's going on with the unsub. " She points at me. " You are staying here with me while we set everything up. "
She gently pulls me towards the door, snatching the pack of information out of Spencer's hand.
" But-! "
She doesn't let me finish, swiftly kicking me out of the room.
Behind her, Spencer stand watching me in surprise.
Garcia shuts the door in my face, leaving me standing on the other side alone.
This day has been so confusing.
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videogamepolls · 18 days
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Video Games Polls 9-Month Report
It's been 3 months since my last report and I've polled over 500 more games since then so I wanted to post an update on the top 10 games across each of the four options included in my polls, plus a couple other new categories.
🏆 Most Played
Games with the highest percentage of "Yes" votes:
The Dinosaur Game (2014, AKA Chrome Dino Game) - 93.9%
Pac-Man (1980) - 93.4%
Wii Sports (2006) - 87.7%
Tetris (1985) - 86.9%
Pokemon Go (2016) - 82.9%
Minecraft (2011) - 81.1%
Angry Birds (2009) - 80.1%
Stardew Valley (2016) - 79.3%
Space Invaders (1978) - 78.5%
Animal Crossing: New Horizons (2020) - 74.1%
🏆 Most Known but Not Played
Games with the highest percentage of "No" votes:
Raid: Shadow Legends (2018) - 85.8%
Final Fantasy XI (2002) - 82.1%
Halo Infinite (2021) - 77.6%
Baldur's Gate (1998) - 76.1%
Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn (2000) - 75.8%
Call of Duty (2003) - 75.2%
Counter Strike 2 (2023) - 74.9%
Valorant (2020) - 74.7%
Donkey Kong 3 (1983) - 74.5%
The Last of Us: Part II (2020) - 74.4%
🏆 Most Watched
Games with the highest percentage of "I watched someone play it" votes:
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy (2017) - 54.2%
I Am Bread (2015) - 51.3%
Octodad: Dadliest Catch (2014) - 47.0%
Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach (2021) - 45.6%
Phasmophobia (2020, Early Access) - 41.3%
P.T. (2014) - 41.0%
PowerWash Simulator (2022) - 40.4%
Slender: The Eight Pages (2012) - 38.4%
Raft (2022) - 38.3%
The Convenience Store (2020) - 38.1%
🏆 Most Obscure
Games with the highest percentage of "I've never heard of it" votes:
Just, Bearly (2018) - 96.9%
Anito: Defend a Land Enraged (2003) - 96.6%
That Damn Goat (2023) - 96.5%
Star Seeker in: The Secret of the Sorcerous Standoff (2020) - 96.4%
Mr. Robot and His Robot Factory (1983) - 96.1%
Quando Fuori Piove (2018) - 95.9%
Turovero: The Celestial Tower (2017) - 95.8%
I am Magicami (2020) - 95.8%
Weird and Unfortunate Things are Happening (2020) - 95.5%
The Unholy War (1998) - 95.2%
🏆 Most Balanced
Games with the most even spread of votes:
Human Fall Flat (2016) - 19.3% Yes | 28.5% No | 26.1% Watched | 26.1% Never Heard
Kerbal Space Program (2015) - 21.9% | 31.1% | 24.5% | 22.5%
The Henry Stickmin Collection (2020) - 19.3% | 29.2% | 22% | 29.5%
Ib (2012) - 24.1% | 26.8% | 19.2% | 29.9%
Superhot (2016) - 24.9% | 25.1% | 30.5% | 19.5%
Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (2010) - 25.8% | 31.1% | 20% | 23.2%
Limbo (2010) - 30.2% | 28.7% | 23.9% | 17.1%
Wobble Dogs (2022) - 18% | 25.4% | 25.2% | 31.3%
Slay the Princess (2023) - 30.2% | 27.4% | 26.1% | 16.4%
Baba Is You (2019) - 26% | 32.9% | 19% | 22.1%
🏆 Most Votes
Games with the most number of votes:
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011) - 4,329
Flight Rising (2013) - 4,132
Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines (2004) - 4,053
Final Fantasy XV (2016) - 3,056
Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors (2009) - 2,844
Dark Souls (2011) - 2,823
The Dinosaur Game (2014, AKA Chrome Dino Game) - 2,758
QWOP (2008) - 2,636
Dragon Age II (2011) - 2,576
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006) - 2,398
*I did not take most Pokémon games into consideration since I handle those polls a little differently.
Check out my results spreadsheet for an alphabetized list of all poll results plus some other stats.
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kassiekole22 · 5 months
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Joy Ride
𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐
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𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐
Pairing: Brian O'Conner X Fem!Reader
Description: Brian finds you walking home late one night and offers you a ride, which turns into a night-long joy ride around Miami.
Warnings: Fluff, Speeding, Friends Or Future Lovers? (You Decide)
Word Count: 2.2k
A/N: Sooooo, I watched 2 Fast 2 Furious for the first time a around a month ago and this guy has been on my mind ever since. I have always really loved Paul Walker so this was bound to happen eventually. 😂 I don't know if I plan to write more for him or if this will just be a one time thing, but I have been working on this fic for quite some time now and I'm happy to finally be posting it. More to come from other beloved characters soon! Enjoy the fic and if you want more Brian O'Conner fics in the future, let me know in the comments or inbox! 🖤 (Also did any of you get the reference in the name? 👀)
Main MasterList: 🖤
Kassie's Angels: @mornandil, @lorebite.
(If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)
𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐
2002
The air is pretty cool for a night in Miami, but I don't mind. I walk with my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, protecting them from the slight chill. It's nothing too intense, but I haven't been used to being in cooler temperatures for awhile now.
I walk quickly down the sidewalk as a few cars pass from time to time. The sounds of their engines make my fingers and feet tingle a little, my body missing the feeling of the steering wheel gripped in my fingers and the gas pedal under my foot.
I wrecked pretty badly during my last race, resulting in my car becoming too banged up to drive. Most street racers have other cars to fall back on. Unfortunately for me, my girl was all I had. Now I'm left to walk on foot until I can get enough money to fix her.
The ambiance in the street is pretty calm until I hear the familiar rumble of a very specific engine approaching my side. To my surprise, that iconic silver and blue Nissan Skyline pulls up, slowing down to drive at my walking speed. But the slick paint job or glowing underbody isn't what makes it difficult to look away. The driver is none other than the man who beat me in my last race, Brian O'Conner.
I'm met with a kind smile as he rolls down his windows, his bright blue eyes glancing up at me from the shadows of the interior. There is just something about that man that draws me in. I could never tell what exactly it was, but it pulled me in his direction like a bee to a flower every time I was in the same location as him.
"Ey, need a ride?" He queries in a rasied voice, nearly shouting over the Skyline's growl.
Though it's tempting, I don't want to throw a wrench in any plans he may have. Knowing him, he has another street race or date to get to at this hour. So, despite the aching pain in my feet that is screaming in protest, I respond casually, "Nah, man. I'm good. Home's not too far away anyway, y'know?"
Even though it wouldn't take him too long, it would be pretty pointless to drive only a couple blocks anyway. He takes a mere second to let my words sink in and find an answer, his eyes hopeful as they are taken off the road and landing on me once more.
"We don't gotta take you home. The night's still—" He checks his watch, and his eyes widen slightly as he realizes the time. "—Well, middle-aged, but that don't gotta stop the fun."
I can't contain a faint chuckle at his dumb joke, rolling my eyes as I do so. The next thing I know, my feet are subconsciously coming to a stop, and he gently lays on the brakes. His car is also stopping right beside where I now stand, but the engine still purrs softly to alert all of its consciousness.
"Ah, c'mon, girl. Let's live a little, eh?" He flashes me that dangerous half-smirk that beckons me forward into mischief. It now dawns on me that he might not have the intention of taking me home, which is intriguing in a way.
I contemplate my options for a moment. The only thing waiting for me at home is a couple bottles of beer and some cold pizza left in the fridge from the night prior. It seems like I've been spending most of my time alone lately. Maybe it would be good to spend some time in good company.
"Alright," I give in with a subtle but still noticeable sigh, backing down in my mental debate.
He reaches across and opens the passenger door for me as I round the car, its headlights illuminating me for a brief moment as I cross in front of the bumper before hoping into the seat offered to me. It felt weird being in the left seat and not having a steering wheel before me. I could never get used to those foreign imported cars. 
But regardless, it sure is a beauty. The leather interior smells oddly fresh and calming, with a faint hint of exhaust filtering through the open windows. It's clear he just cleaned her up. Brian was always the type to take care of his rides.
I pull the seatbelt across my chest and lock it in securely, mentally preparing myself for the wild ride I know damn well he is about to take me on. He looks at me and flashes me that cocky yet proud smile as he revvs the engine for only a moment before taking off into the night.
With windows down and speed carrying us, I feel like I'm floating on air. The soft breeze I felt only moments ago is now a fast wind in my hair, and the soft ambiance of the nightlife in Miami is now disturbed by a machine growl.
I glance over at him, and it's as if time slows for just a minute as I take in how happy he is. He's a simple man. He doesn't need the fancy things in life, just a fast car to make the corners of his lips part into that iconic grin I have grown to love.
"Wanna get fuckin' nuts?" He asks me, his voice taking me out of my thoughts and putting me back into reality. That's when I notice that mischievous look in his ocean blue eyes, their pupils blown wide with adrenaline.
Hm... Blue and full of adrenaline, like the blood pumping in our veins.
"What?" I blurt out, not fully comprehending what he is asking, until my gaze wanders down to where his thumbs hovers over the nitro buttons.
I look at the road ahead, seeing that it is completely barren of all life, and I can't help but smirk at the thought of what he is suggesting. It's a dangerous game—playing with speed in such a way—but a thrilling one, for sure.
Taking my eyes off the road ahead to look back at him, I notice the hopeful glint once again in his eyes, only pushing my thought process toward wanting to comply. So without a second breath, I cheer, "Fuck yeah!"
With a simple click of two buttons at once, we are off like a rocket in space. Suddenly, the street lights look like comets, and the lines on the road are just blurs of colors. It's oddly beautiful in a way, and I marvel at how it ignites my soul with such a unique feeling, which I can't possibly seek from anything else. My fingers dig into the sides of my seat as my heart pounds against my ribcage like thunder, both overwhelmed but thirsty for more of this intoxicating rush.
Though Brian only lets this last for a moment, just seconds passed that will remain with me for an eternity. We laugh as the car slows to a semi-normal speed again. My smile is so wide, I can feel my face begin to hurt.
But I don't care. I am just so high on the thrill that my mind is lost in a cloudy space of euphoria. It's crazy how the night went from a quiet walk home to taking a joy ride with one of my rivals, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Once our laughter dies down, the soft purr of the engine is the only thing heard yet again as we both seemingly get lost in our own thoughts. What is he thinking? I wish I knew. The only thing on my mind is how happy I am. It isn't until a couple minutes later that he speaks his mind, taking a deep breath before his lips finally form the words he has been pondering.
"We should do this more often," he suggests in that nonchalant tone he carries quite regularly for someone with such excitement in his life. "Y'know, hang out outside the racing world? You're a cool girl."
I can't repress how my smile softens for a moment at his words as my eyes flick over in his direction while a million responses filter through my mind. This guy is a legend—a local celebrity, if you will. To have this opportunity is an honor. However, I don't necessarily get the vibe of entitlement from him. Instead, his atmosphere reflects something else—something friendly and inviting.
"And you're a cool guy. I'd love to hang with you more often." I reply, trying to sound chill but coming off way more sincere than intended. Though he doesn't seem to mind, in fact, he seems to be pleased with my response.
The next thing I know, he is pulling into a public beach. Its sands are abandoned by any human life due to the lateness of time, though the footprints of the visitors that day still remain like ghosts of the past, their memories carved in the sand until they get washed away by the waves.
He locks the car in park, unhooks his seatbelt, and gets out. I watch through the windshield as he rounds the side of it to rest back on the hood. My eyes study him as he lifts himself to sit on the hood, not once looking back to see if I leave the car as well. It's almost as if he expects me to.
So to fulfill his silent expectations, I swing my door open and hop out after freeing myself from my seatbelt, nearly stumbling as the ground is unexpectedly unsteady where I stand. My feet sink into the sand, and I'm grateful I chose to wear boots tonight over anything else.
Once out of my sticky situation, I take a moment to appreciate the freshness in the air—the sweet smell of the ocean before me for just a second. After approaching him, I rest beside him on the hood, watching the waves crash before us. It reminds me that life is quite like the sea. It's unpredictable, a little scary at times, but beautiful in many unique ways. I release a soft breath, my body relaxing in this calming moment.
"I remember the first time I saw you pull up in that black Trans Am to the race. Fuckin' engine and bass on your stereo roaring over the sound of the crowd." He chuckles while he reminisces about old memories.
"Buni," I correct him as I smile fondly, thinking about the beauty that's currently under a tarp in my garage, just waiting to be repaired and set free on the road once again.
"Yeah, Buni." He parrots me in an almost teasing way. I know he finds the fact that I named my car ridiculous, but I can see it in his eyes that it amuses him all the same. "You're something else, (L/N). A damn good racer, though."
My heart flutters at the compliment, and I feel my cheeks heat up with this familiar warmth that only he ignites in me best. The soft breeze blows through my hair as I think of a reply, running through my strains like an angel's fingertips. But it's not the breeze nor the location that has me in such a calm and joyful state.
I continue to study him—the way his blonde curls blow in the breeze, the corners of his lips turning up ever so slightly to show his contentment, his biceps flexing ever so slightly as he crosses his arms over his chest. It amazes me how all the different shades of blue in his iris reflect the scene before us. It's like I could literally drown in them each time I gaze into them to admire their beauty.
"Yeah? You and your Skyline ain't so bad either." I finally quip with a small bit of sarcasm dripping from my tone after forcing myself out of where my mind has disappeared to for a short time. He smiles softly at my words, because it's evident how I really feel about him. He knows, and I know that, but I don't really care anymore.
We talk until sunrise and watch as the black sky fades into orange and pink, blending with the stars to make them barely visible. Though they are out of sight, I know they still shine brightly above us, like angels waiting for us in heaven. It's quite special—maybe even magical.
The sea reflects the morning sun as it rises from the horizon, its golden rays shining upon us as we remain on the hood of the car. It's just us out here in our own little world. If I learned anything from last night, it's not the place that makes a moment special, but the person you share it with.
I don't know where this road will take us. I know it will be a long one—with plenty of traffic and bumps ahead—but the ride will be an enjoyable one with a new friend in the seat next to me as we speed through it all. And if we happen to get separated some point along the way, I know in my heart that I'll see him again.
𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐
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yelena-bellova · 2 years
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Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Eight
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Chapter Eight: Someone’s Something
Plot: Joel, Y/n and Ellie meet Henry and Sam, who try to convince them to team up to find their way out of Kansas City together.
Word Count: 7.1k
Warnings: tlou ep.5 spoilers, languge, implied smut, guns, mention of death, sa and loss of a child (16+)
A/N: Happy Valentines, y’all!! My gift to you is some light heartbreak with some fluff to soften the blow 😉
As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist unless your age is specified in your bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀
Y’all have blown this lil’ ficlet idea up so much, I’m still shocked it’s this loved. I’m so excited to finish out the second half of the season with you guys. Hang onto your butts 🤍
——————
July 1st, 2002. Austin, Texas.
Y/n had integrated perfectly into the Miller’s life. Sarah adored her, Tommy loved her, and Joel couldn’t get enough of her. He’d never admit it to Sarah, but he was thankful that she’d taken matters into her own hands and snuck down to the hardware store that June day.
In the beginning of July, Sarah went away to a two-week summer camp. Joel and Y/n had seen her off on the bus, Joel fussing over whether or not she had everything she’d need. He didn’t do well when she was gone for more than a day, a combination of missing her dearly and parental worry. Y/n had made it her goal over the course of her trip to distract him as much as she could.
They’d made a dinner date at Joel’s house the day Sarah left, the first of fourteen that Y/n had to keep him busy. His days would be consumed by work, but his nights belonged to them. Y/n knocked on the front door of the house, carrying a six pack she’d picked up on the way.
Joel hurried to the door, swinging it open and enveloping Y/n in a hug. She laughed, clinging to his neck as he literally dragged her into the house. Joel’s lips were on her the second the door shut.
“Missed you,” he mumbled between kisses.
“You saw me, like, six hours ago,” Y/n managed to say.
“Way too long,” Joel smiled against her lips.
Y/n chuckled, “Yeah, well, if I die from lack of oxygen,” she wiggled a hand between their smushed chests, “You’re gonna miss me a whole lot more.”
Joel wrapped an arm around her neck, smiling so big his cheeks hurt. That was the effect Y/n had on him. She’d turned his curmudgeon qualities, plying them like clay until they were soft. He was a new man with her in his life.
“Joel,” she said softly.
“Yeah?” He was barely taking in her words, focused on how her lips were starting to swell from his attention.
“What’s burning?”
It didn’t register at first, then he remembered the food was still in the oven. “Shit,” he muttered, letting her go to run back to the kitchen and save their dinner.
Y/n chuckled, kicking off her shoes and heading in to help him.
Joel’s attempt at a simple roast chicken and potatoes turned out slightly crispy, but good, all in all. They’d eaten it at the table, Joel’s hands stretched across the surface to hold Y/n’s.
After their meal, they retired to the living room. Joel turned on the stereo and fell onto the couch, Y/n laying her legs across his lap.
“Well, day one’s almost over,” she said, “How’re you feeling?”
Joel sighed, “She called earlier when they got there. Sounded real excited.”
“And you could not sound happier about it,” Y/n chortled, “Joel, she’s going to be fine.”
“I know that, it’s just,” Joel strroked his hand over Y/n’s calf, “It’s been me and her for…ever. When she’s off it just…”
Y/n watched her boyfriend with soft eyes, waiting for him to say more.
“I know she’s growin’ up, she’s always been independent, but,” he paused staring down at his hands, “It gets easier and easier for her every year to get on that bus. Makes me think about the day she’ll leave for good.”
“You know that no matter where she goes,” Y/n offered, “She’s always coming back here. She loves you too much.”
Joel gently smiled, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s leg. She always knew the right thing to say.
“And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but she kinda loves me too,” Y/n smirked.
“Yeah, well, there’s a lot to work with there,” Joel winked.
Y/n giggled, her eyes drifting over Joel’s shoulder to the corner of the living room. An acoustic guitar sat propped up in a stand.
“Y’know, I still haven’t heard you play,” she said, nodding to the instrument.
For as much as he loved music, he still got a little bashful about his talent. “I sound like everyone else,” he replied.
“Yeah, nice try,” Y/n wasn’t so easily discouraged, “Play me something.”
Much like his daughter, there wasn’t a lot Joel could deny Y/n. If it was going to make her smile, he’d gladly do it. He lifted her legs off of him and went to retrieve the guitar.
“Does the audience have any requests?” Joel asked, settling back down beside her and fiddling with the tuning pegs.
Y/n tucked her legs into her chest, barely containing her grin, “Something sweet.”
Joel finished tuning the guitar and took his position. He hadn’t played for anyone other than Sarah in a very long time.
The first pluck of the strings relaxed them both, Joel settled into the piece quickly. Y/n watched his fingers dance up and down the string, a series of movements only he knew. It sounded like an old folk song, the kind that told the tale of doomed lovers torn apart by tragedy. She had enough musical knowledge to know it was in a minor key. Sweet, it was not, but it was brimming with passion, and the way Joel watched the strings so intensely only added to it. Y/n was taken aback by the simple beauty of him, pouring himself into the music.
When it was over, a few final notes slowing the tempo before stopping entirely, Joel looked over to Y/n, a whisper of a smile playing upon his lips. Their eyes connected, the ever present flame between them stretching the distance between their bodies. In that moment, Joel was thankful they were alone.
In the same set of seconds, Joel blindly set the guitar down to the side and Y/n surged forward, the two of them meeting in a heated kiss. Y/n held both of Joel’s cheeks in her hands while he maneuvered her on top of him, their lips never losing their connection. The sadness of the song had drawn them together, both needing to feel the fullness of each other’s devotion to counter the loss that the notes had grieved. That wasn’t them, they said with each touch, it could never be them.
—————————
September 28th, 2002. Austin, Texas.
Fall had hit Texas, as much as it could affect the south, anyway. Sarah and Y/n were in the backyard of the Milller home. Sarah had her first soccer game of the season that weekend and she wanted to get in some extra practice.
“Okay,” Y/n called from the goal, “Don’t go easy on me.”
“Yeah, right,” Sarah scoffed, she was never afraid to show the full force of her talent on the field. Faking Y/n out, she broke to the left before making a sudden right turn and shooting the ball through the goal.
“Yes,” she exclaimed, pulling her fists down in celebration.
“Alright, alright, alright,” Y/n smirked, coming up beside Sarah as she did a little victory dance, “Don’t get too cocky. Let’s work on your goalkeeping.”
Sarah grooved her way back to the goal, “Okay, but I’m kinda spectacular at that too.”
“Well, we certainly don’t need to work on your confidence,” Y/n remarked. Sarah had the same cockiness, reserved only for things she was truly great at, as her father.
Joel materialized then, coming through the back door and watching his girls from the deck. “How we lookin’?”
“Today, Taft Middle School,” Y/n replied, catching the ball with her heel as Sarah kicked it, “Tomorrow, FIFA.”
Joel smiled proudly, both at Sarah and Y/n. Most women would have kept distance between them and their partner’s child. Y/n had jumped in headfirst, determined to be there for Sarah as much as she wanted her. She was the feminine influence his daughter had been denied all her life.
“Alright,” Y/n announced, “Good?”
Sarah nodded, “Good.”
Joel saw an opportunity and couldn’t pass it up. He carefully made his way down the steps of the deck, sneaking through the grass and up behind Y/n just as she was about to make her shot. As she wound her leg back, Joel wrapped his arms around her middle and lifted her into the air.
Y/n shrieked as she was swung around, “Joel!”
“Sarah, steal it,” he yelled, smiling as Y/n wriggled in his embrace.
Sarah surged forward, avoiding Y/n’s flailing legs as she fought against Joel, and snatched the ball. She moved through the grass effortlessly and landed a perfect kick into the net.
Laughing heartily, Joel finally released Y/n back to the ground. He shared a high-five with his daughter as she bounded back to them.
“You two are awful,” Y/n gave Joel a shove to his chest, her wide grin contradicting her words.
Joel hung an arm around his girlfriend’s neck, pressing a kiss to her temple. “C’mon,” he separated from Y/n and clapped his hands, “Two-on-one, girls vs. boys.”
“We’re gonna destroy you,” Sarah teased, coming to stand beside Y/n.
“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” he quipped, standing in front of the goal.
The three of them stayed out until sunset, practicing plenty, but laughing more than anything.
—————————
December 25th, 2002. Austin, Texas.
The Millers didn’t do anything spectacular for Christmas. A church service on the 24th, a simple dinner on the 25th, and presents.
It had been decided that both Tommy and Y/n would spend the night, it would make waking up and opening gifts easier than waiting for them to drive over. Tommy had taken the collapsable cot, his body was still used to military accommodations, while Y/n had gone for the couch. Joel and her were still hesitant to spend nights together, sleeping over at the other’s only when Sarah was away at her own sleepovers. Christmas didn’t feel like the time to test any boundaries.
Just past midnight, Y/n was still wide awake, tossing and turning on the sofa. There was a light snowfall happening outside and she hoped if she watched the flakes flutter through the air long enough, she’d drift off to sleep. So far, she’d had no such luck.
She took stock of the living room in its entirety. A fresh pine tree sat in the corner, a modest stack of presents surrounding the trunk. Two stockings were hung on the walls, Sarah and Joel’s names stitched across each. The room still faintly smelled like the batch of cookies her and Sarah had baked earlier in the evening. Even in the dark and completely silent, the house felt warm.
Footsteps down the stairs drew Y/n’s attention away from the decorations. She expected to see Sarah tiptoeing in to sneak a peek at the presents. Instead, Joel’s broad shadow entered the room.
“Can’t sleep?” Y/n asked from the couch.
Joel shook his head, “Nope.”
Y/n gave a small nod, pretending like the silence wasn’t as full of asking as it was. Joel’s posture had purpose in it, he wasn’t leaving until he got what he came for.
He tipped his head back towards the stairs, his eyes never leaving Y/n’s. “C’mon,” he said, his voice raspy with near sleep.
Y/n smiled to herself, throwing off her blanket and crossing the room to take Joel’s hand. The two of them tiptoed back up the stairs, trying not to wake Sarah or Tommy. Y/n knew the walk to Joel’s bedroom like the back of her hand, navigating in the dark made no difference. She certainly didn’t need Joel’s hands on her hips to guide her, but she welcomed them anyway.
Once the door shut, their routine commenced. Joel went to his dresser, blindly reaching into one of his drawers and tossing Y/n one of his flannels. Y/n slipped it on over her t-shirt, the sleeves ending way past the tips of her fingers. They made their way to their dedicated sides of the bed, Joel closest to the door because he felt better being a wall of protection between Y/n and the world.
“We have to get up before Sarah,” Y/n reminded him.
“We’ve got a 50% chance of makin’ it down before her,” Joel said, his hands gliding around her body to pull her into him, “Christmas morning, she’s up at the crack of dawn.”
Y/n drew closer to Joel, resting one hand on his chest and the other gripping the back of his neck. Already, she could feel her body relaxing in a way the couch just couldn’t coax out of her.
All the tension Joel had been carrying in his spine went lax the moment Y/n’s fingers grazed his skin. He was finding it harder and harder to sleep without her.
“Thank you,” she said out of the blue.
“For what?” Joel asked.
Y/n’s fingers danced along the line between the ends of his hair and the base of his skull. “For letting me be a part of all this,” she answered, her voice barely above a whisper.
Joel’s heart swelled, he took one of her cheeks into his hand and let their lips drift towards one another. Six months in, and he wasn’t sure if he could fall any harder in love with Y/n. She wasn’t just his, she was theirs. She was a permanent fixture in their home, the house a little less bright when she was absent from it. She had become a confidante to Sarah, a best friend to Tommy and everything to Joel. How could he not want her in every part of their lives?
“‘M afraid you’re stuck with us, Rosebud,” Joel smiled after he pulled back, brushing his thumb across her cheekbone.
“No place I’d rather be,” Y/n returned his grin.
Pressing one final kiss to her forehead, Joel tucked Y/n against his chest, his chin resting atop her head. She let her hand drift around to his back, her fingers spreading across the expanse as she tried to hold as much of him as she could. They fell asleep within minutes, the gentle snowstorm outside creating beauty that would only enhance the magic of Christmas for the Miller family.
—————————
2023. Kansas City, Missouri.
“Eye on me! Eyes on me!”
Joel’s eyes slid to the other side of the room, to the man with the barrel of his gun pointed at Ellie. Her and Y/n both had their hands raised high.
“You don’t have to worry about what to say,” the young man said, “We don’t wanna hurt you. We wanna help you.”
Joel watched him, he was shifting his weight between both feet, no expert marksman was that nervous to threaten someone’s life. Joel felt significantly better about his chances.
“Okay.”
“Okay, um…” the young man paused, “I don’t know what the next step is with something like this, but if I lower my gun…we didn’t hurt you…so you don’t hurt us…right?”
Joel stared him down, “That’s right.”
“That’s a weird fuckin’ tone, man,” their enemy replied.
“That’s just the way he sounds,” Ellie interrupted, first looking to the stranger and then back to Joel, “He has an asshole voice. Joel, tell him he’s okay.”
Joel stared, nearly a hint of a smirk at his lips, “Everything is great.”
“Dude…” Ellie muttered.
“We’re not going to hurt you,” Y/n intervened, looking to the man, “Now drop the fucking guns before I second guess myself.”
“That wasn’t any better,” Ellie exclaimed.
“Fuck! Okay, listened,” the stranger started, his voice practically trembling, “I’m gonna trust you.”
He then stopped to signal something to the child, Y/n recognized it as ASL. They communicated something none of them could understand.
“But if any of you guys try anything,” the man kept his gun aimed at Ellie, nodding to Joel and Y/n, “Yeah? Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Ellie whispered, her heart was in her throat.
The child backed away from Joel and Y/n’s mattress, his aim still firmly locked onto them. Y/n was trying to get her heartbeat back down to a normal range.
“Can I sit up?” Joel asked, his voice was still on edge.
“Yeah,” the stranger conceded, “Slow. Get up slow.”
Joel obeyed, rising to a seated position without any rush. He raised his hands, the left one grazing Y/n’s injured right. Shockingly, the fleeting touch made her feel a little less nervous. If Joel was good for nothing else, at least he was a good fighter. They could get out of this easily, if necessary.
“Who are you?” Joel asked.
“My name’s Henry,” the now-named stranger answered, “That’s my brother, Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now,” Henry finally lowered his gun, “My guess is you’re running a close second. Her too.”
Y/n and Joel looked to one another, that ambush was going to come back to bite them in the ass, one way or another.
“Henry,” Y/n spoke up, lowering her hands and laying them palm up in her lap, “We’re gonna need a lot more than that.”
The five of them ended up huddled around a lantern, snacking on their dwindling food supply and waiting for the rest of the story to unfold. Henry had made it clear that he had to get some food in his brother first. It had been Ellie’s idea to share what they had left.
“Where’d you get these?” Henry asked, chewing on a cracker.
“From Bill,” Ellie answered, “He’s dead.”
Y/n and Joel had been watching Sam, digging into what they’d shared with him as if he hadn’t eaten in days. There was a real possibility of it, or something along the lines. They both wordlessly handed what was left of their portions to the boy, who in return, signed something to his brother.
“He says ‘thank you,’” Henry relayed, “I’m guessing you don’t have much so, this means a lot.”
“How old is he?” Ellie asked.
The brothers talked amongst themselves, with Henry answering, “He’s eight.”
Ellie nodded, “Cool. I’m Ellie.”
“Y/n,” Y/n spoke up, wanting to try and make the child feel as comfortable as the circumstances would allow.
Henry spelled out the names for Sam, who responded with a sign that both Y/n and Ellie assumed meant ‘cool.’
Ellie smiled before smacking Joel on the knee and waiting for him to introduce himself.
“I’m Joel,” he swallowed his last bite, “Look, you ate, we didn’t kill each other, let’s call this a win-win and move on.”
Henry dusted off his hands, “Well, I’m betting that y’all came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the sun’s up, I’ll show you one.”
Joel and Y/n thought it over separately before glancing over at one another. If Henry hadn’t killed them by now, he wouldn’t. He already knew their supply was low, the only reason he was sticking around was because he needed something from them.
“Okay,” Y/n answered for them, earning a quick turn and glare from Joel, “Sam can take our bed. As soon as morning hits, you show us the route.”
Henry scoffed, “Just like that you’re gonna trust us?”
“I know the eyes of a liar, Henry,” Y/n leaned forward, resting her elbow on her knee, “And you don’t have ‘em. You weren’t even going to kill us in the first place, and you certainly weren’t gonna make him do it.”
Joel was ready to jump in at any second, but Y/n spoke with such precision and intention, he couldn’t come up with any reason to stop her.
“So how about we get some sleep,” Y/n continued, “And tackle this tomorrow?”
Henry’s eyes focused in on Y/n, someone as calculated as she was was either the most honest person on the planet or so calcuating and conniving, they could deceive the worst of humanity.
“Okay,” he landed on trust, “First thing.”
Ellie and Sam settled onto their makeshift mattresses, while the adults sat against the walls of the apartment. Henry on one side, Joel and Y/n on the other.
“What happened to equals?” Joel asked, the edge to his words undercutting the softness of their volume.
“Would what you have said been any different?” Y/n countered, watching as Joel tried to come up with an answer that differed from hers, “Exactly.”
The two of them stayed close to one another, without actually touching. Y/n was still slightly rattled from waking up with Joel’s hand over hers.
“Although my fucking neck’s gonna be messed up all day,” Y/n mumbled, trying to find a comfortable position to rest her head against the wall.
While they trusted an already sleeping Henry enough not to kill them, instinct told both Y/n and Joel to not leave themselves in such a vulnerable positon again. Sleeping sitting up was the only option that would allow them a little bit of rest.
And Joel hated what he was about to offer.
“You can…” he pointed to his shoulder, “If you want.”
“I don’t want” Y/n quickly replied.
Joel sighed in exasperation, “Forget I offered.”
He crossed his arms and settled against the wall, shutting his eyes and shutting down his momentary lapse into generosity.
Y/n inhaled, trying to get over herself. She was getting way too much up close and personal time with Joel to feel comfortable. But it was either another dose or a hideous day of lingering discomfort without the blessing of Ibuprofen.
She awkwardly scooted closer to him until their thighs were touching, causing Joel to open one eye. He looked down at their parallel bodies and back to Y/n.
“Just don’t grab my hand,” she grumbled, laying her head down on his shoulder and praying that her stomach stayed unaffected.
Joel’s body stiffened as she rested on him, a quick shot of adrenaline running through his extremities. He wanted to pretend to be unmoved, unbothered by her touch, but it was impossible. He would never fully be without affection for the way she felt against him.
“Go ahead,” Y/n said, sensing his discomfort but mistaking it for simply physical.
Joel hesitated a few seconds before shaking himself out of his doubt and resting his head on top of Y/n’s.
When the weight of Joel’s skull fell on hers, Y/n’s natural instincts took over and she almost, almost, tucked into him more. It was by the grace of God that she caught herself before she did it. No matter how hard her mind loathed him, her body would have accepted him back in a heartbeat.
The two ex-lovers sat against the wall, still trying to convince themselves that they were miles apart.
—————————
Just as the night before, they woke up so much closer than intended.
Y/n had fully curled into Joel, snuggling into his chest at some point during their glorified nap. When she woke up to the rough scratch of his flannel agaisnt her cheek, drowsiness did not immediately remind her she was in the year 2023. In her sleep-adled state, it was winter of 2002.
When consciousness pulled her back to the land of the living, she lightly groaned. Why were their sleeping selves making everything so complicated?
Y/n rolled off of Joel, causing him to sharply inhale. He blinked a few times, rubbed a hand over his face and evaluated the room. Henry was still asleep, but Sam and Ellie were already awake and sitting on the edges of their beds.
Y/n was beside him, at least twelve inches of space between them.
“I do anything in my sleep?” Joel asked.
Y/n shook her head, sucking on her bottom lip, “Nope.”
Joel wasn’t buying it, “Then whydya got that look on your face?”
“I know why,” Ellie teased in a sing-song tone.
Y/n let out two loud claps, startling Henry awake, and got to her feet. “Rise and shine, time to work.”
Joel stayed on the ground, watching how fast she moved around the room. Something had happened and it had messed with her. He ran a hand over his right shoulder, noticing that it was warm when the rest of him felt cold. He peered back over at Y/n, rifling through her backpack to find Ellie and Sam breakfast. He watched how she crouched down and handed the kids what was assuredly the lion’s share of her rations. How she held up a questioning thumbs up to Sam, who in return, smiled and copied the gesture. How she cared. She still cared so much.
It was killing him.
But there were bigger things to worry about than the stirring in his heart for the woman who perhaps, hadn’t changed that much at all.
————————————
Once fed and watered, the group of five headed a few floors up to the apartment building’s conference room. Henry had promised it had the best view of the city.
“Welcome to Killa City,” he announced, showcasing the place in daylight through the massive windows.
“No FEDRA,” Joel observed.
“Not as of ten days ago, no,” Henry replied.
“We always heard KC FEDRA was-“
“Monsters? Savages?” Henry finished for Joel, “Yeah, you heard right. Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years.”
Y/n looked down at her shoes, “Fucking hell.” It was stories like Kansas City that were one of her reasons for joining the Fireflies.
“And you know what happens when you do that to people?” Henry continued, “The moment they get a chance, they do it right back to you.”
“But you’re not FEDRA,” Joel stated.
Henry paused before answering, “No…worse. I’m a collaborator.”
Joel shook his head, “I don’t work with rats.”
Y/n wasn’t so quick to walk away, Henry had too much of a heart it seemed to be a true collaborator. He had a story.
“Yeah, you fucking do,” Henry said, “Today you do, ‘cause I live here and you two don’t. That’s how I followed you here. I know this city and I’m gonna help you out.”
Joel watched Henry as he spoke, trying to see through him, “Why help us?”
“I saw what you two did,” Henry answered, “The way you killed those men. Now I know where to go, but I don’t know how to make it through alone, not if it’s just Sam and me.”
“You seem capable enough,” Joel replied, “You’re armed.”
“You’re wrong and wrong,” Henry said, “Never killed anyone. And pointing an unloaded gun at you was the closest I’ve ever come to being violent.”
Y/n nodded, no one let their hand shake that much when holding a loaded gun.
“So that’s the deal,” Henry stated, “I show you the way, you clear the way.”
Joel didn’t need anyone else slowing them down or making them more noticeable. And partnering with Henry would only make them bigger targets.
At the table behind them, Ellie and Sam were seated, reading from Ellie’s pun book. The energy was divided down the room; the grown-up side was deathy heavy while the kid’s side was warm and uplifting.
“Haven’t heard that in a long time,” Henry smiled, watching his little brother laugh.
Joel turned back to the window as he tried to put distance between him and the moment. Y/n glanced over at him, watching as the cogs in his mind turned. Her mind was already made up, it would have been wonderful if they could avoid an argument.
“So how’re we getting out?” Joel relented, turning to Henry.
Henry fetched a piece of paper from one of the drawers, office supplies had never been in high demand post-pandemic. He sketched out a square, writing down the names of the roads that cut through the city.
“Highways…” he pointed to one section, “Downtown,” then to the other, “Us. This whole area belongs to Kathleen.”
“And she is…?” Y/n asked, standing between Joel and Henry.
“Leader of the resistance,” Henry answered, “You can see the way we’re bounded by highways. They got people posted all around the inside perimeter. If we get close, we get caught. No question.”
“So how do we get across?” Ellie asked.
Henry banged a fist against the table to get Sam’s attention, signing something to him after. Sam went to drawing on his magnetic erase pad, Joel wasn’t made to feel any better about a kid being involved in the planning of their escape.
Sam held up his pad, having written the word ‘Tunnels’ on it.
Henry snapped his fingers, “Boom.”
“Kansas City has a subway?” Joel asked.
“No,” Henry answered, “But they do have maintenance tunnels. There’s a bunch of buildings all put up by the same developers. And they share these tunnels, including…” he pointed down to a specific section of his sketch, “A bank building here,” he began to draw their route, “So we enter the tunnels here, travel underground, and pop up here. Westside North. Residential. There’s an embankment on the other side of the houses. We head down, pedestrian bridge over the river,” Henry dropped his pencil, “Free as a bird.”
“You’re right,” Joel admitted, “It’s a great plan. So what do you need us for?”
Henry hesitated a moment, “You notice anything strange about this city? I mean, other than the strange shit you’ve already seen?”
“No Infected?” Ellie guessed before Y/n and Joel could.
“Oh, there’s Infected,” Henry replied, “Just not on the surface. FEDRA drove them underground fifteen years ago, and never let them come back up. It’s the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did.’
Joel looked between Y/n and Ellie, “So you want us goin’ into a tunnel?”
“Everyone thinks that it’s full of Infected,” Henry quickly corrected, he sensed Joel’s doubt, “Including Kathleen, which means that we’re not gonna be running into any of her people. But you see, what I know is…it’s empty.”
“You know this?” Y/n questioned, “You’ve seen it? With your own eyes?”
“No,” Henry replied.
Joel took a deep breath, hands on his hips again. Y/n sighed and rested her elbows on the table. Henry was losing them both.
“But the FEDRA guy that I worked with told me that it’s clean,” the young man continued, “Completely clean. They cleared it out. All of it.”
“How long ago?” Y/n asked, shutting her eyes as if it could shut out their problems.
“Like,” Henry shrugged, “Three years ago.”
Joel scoffed, glancing to Ellie as if asking if she was believing this either.
“Okay, maybe there’s one or two,” Henry quickly said, “But you can handle it.”
“You’re making this sound a whole lot simpler than it is,” Y/n responded, looking to Joel, whose eyes were already expectantly waiting on her. “We need a minute.
Y/n pushed open the glass doors, bringing them outside the conference room and giving them a sliver of privacy.
Joel pointed a finger behind them, “You still feel good about this?”
“Not exceptionally, no,” she answered truthfully, “But we don’t exactly have a lot of other options, now do we?”
“If this guy’s gonna endanger our lives more than if we were on our own,” Joel argued, “Then we’re better off-“
“Fighting our way through a city we’ve never been in with targets the size of Texas on our backs?” Y/n finished for him, “Look, I don’t wanna go down there either. But we’re guaranteed a very slow, very painful death if we go it alone. I’d rather have allies and stand a chance, at least.”
Joel wanted to fight tooth and nail, but he knew she was right. She’d always had a talent for being right.
“Plus, it’ll give you plenty to lord over Tommy’s head when we get to Wyoming,” Y/n quipped, her mouth still frowned but her eyes were lit up with humor.
Joel huffed, he’d have laughed if the situation wasn’t so dire. The thought of seeing his brother and his ex together again was a sight he didn’t think he’d ever be ready to see.
Without another word, and a silent concession from Joel, the two of them marched back into the conference room where the debate was still being held.
Henry pointed to Ellie, “She says y’all fought off two Clickers. Is that true?”
Joel and Y/n uncomfortably shifted, the dread sweeping over them.
“And you’re still alive,” Henry stated, “You see? You’re the right people. If it gets bad down there, we turn around, and run right back out the same way we came.”
Joel was about one poorly constructed sentence away from giving the whole idea up, “Oh, that’s your great plan?”
“No, that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan,” Henry fired back, “But as far as I can tell, it’s our only shot.”
Sam signed something to Henry.
“They’re saying,” Henry narrated as he signed back, “They’re going to help us escape,” he turned back to the party, “Right?”
Y/n rolled her eyes, “That was a low fuckin’ blow, man.”
Henry didn’t seem bothered at all by the manipulation.
Joel’s jaw twitched as he thought it all over. Y/n could practically feel his unease. She craned her neck back, muttering more into his body than at him, “Lesser of two evils.”
With every fiber of his being, Joel wanted to fight. But instead, he let his hands fall against his legs, admitting defeat.
—————————
The team got across the city with minimal close calls, every once in a while there’d be a truck or patrol group to avoid. They got to the bank building intact and only slightly out of breath.
“We need to get outta sight,” Joel said, every entrance/exit of the place was structured in a glass wall.
“Uh, I-I-I think it’s this way,” Henry pointed towards one of the halls, the rest of them following.
They trailed through the building till they hit a back door, hopefully leading to the tunnel entrance. Joel and Y/n entered it cautiously with their guns drawn.
“This should be it,” Henry announced, “You ready?”
Joel looked to Ellie, “Get your gun out.”
Rebelling in her own small way, once again, Ellie pulled out the gun from her jacket pocket. At this point, Joel wasn’t surprised in the least that she wasn’t heeding his advice. Him and Y/n marched forward regardless and took the lead. They entered through another door, delivering them into the tunnel system.
“You see?” Henry proved, “It’s empty. The plan is good.”
Joel and Y/n quickly shushed him. “‘The plan is good?’” Joel repeated, “We’ve been down here two seconds. We don’t know anything.”
Henry looked to Ellie, “Your dad’s kind of a pessimist.”
“I’m not her dad.”
“He’s not my dad.”
“He’s not her dad.”
Joel, Y/n and Ellie’s protests overlapped.
“Just point your light forward,” Joel instructed, tightly gripping his own, “And be ready to run.”
Y/n steadied her breathing and began to move beside Joel down the underground maze.
They walked for around an hour, snaking down the sets of tunnels, holding their flashlights and handguns as if they were life itself. Eventually, they turned down a hall with child’s art painted all along it. The door was even painted as castle. All of them examined the walls in quiet confusion.
Sam bounded forward, wanting to go through and explore. Joel threw his hand out to stop him, “No.”
Y/n tucked her flashlight under her chin and gripped her pistol, sharing an affirmative nod with Joel that they were ready. He slowly turned the doorknob and it creaked open, revealing a room that looked…civilized.
The whole place looked like a daycare center. There were toys scattered throughout storage bins, art and books against the walls, small cups, and a faded soccer goal painted across one of the cinderblock walls.
“I heard about places this this,” Joel commented, taking stock of their surroundings, “People went underground after Outbreak Day. Built settlements.”
“What happened to them?” Ellie asked.
“Maybe they didn’t follow the rules and all got infected,” Joel replied.
While Ellie and Sam sat down, playing with a few of the toys, Y/n, Henry and Joel scanned the room. Whoever had been living there, they’d been gone long enough for a layer of dust to settle across everything.
“Hey,” Joel called to Ellie who was being a little too loud, “Keep it down. We’re not out yet.”
“Ah, c’mon,” Ellie groaned, “Can we just rest here for a while? There’s, like, actually shit to do here.”
“Wouldn’t be so bad to wait the light out a bit,” Henry agreed, “Safer in the shadows when we pop back out on the other side.”
Joining Ellie and Henry, Y/n tilted her head in a slight shrug to Joel. It was a smart decision and he was just going to have to get over himself.
Joel shrugged back to the group, raising an eyebrow and going back to checking out the room.
Ellie and Sam occupied themselves by reading comic books and messing around with some of the toys. Henry, Joel and Y/n rested at a table, putting their feet up without actually relaxing at all. At some point, Ellie and Sam switched to kicking a soccer ball around on the makeshift field. Y/n watched carefully as Ellie interacted with the boy, she was so caring and patient. She’d confided that she didn’t have any brothers or sisters, but the glow coming from her radiated big sister energy.
Y/n scooted her chair back and walked across the room. “Can I join?”
Ellie enthusiastically began to switch the ball between her feet, trying to fake Y/n out. Y/n rotated to stand alongside Sam at the goal.
“That’s not fair,” Ellie argued, “There’s two of you.”
“Oh, so you’re saying you can’t do it,” Y/n teased.
Ellie’s determination set in, jumping slightly in place before kicking the ball in between Sam and Y/n’s legs quicker than they could stop it.
“Oh, shit,” she exclaimed, shooting her hands into the air.
Sam and Y/n shared a laugh before Y/n got down on her knees, “Can you teach me something?”
Sam watched her lips and nodded, showing her a sign. To her, it looked like he was pulling something out of his mouth, before bringing his two thumbs up and splitting their directions at his chest.
Y/n mimicked it, “What does this mean?”
“Oh, that’s from Savage Starlight,” Ellie exclaimed, copying the gesture with them, “‘Endure and survive.’”
The three of them continued to sign it over and over. It seemed to make both Ellie and Sam extremely happy, which meant Y/n would do it as many times as they wanted.
Joel and Henry watched from their seats. To say Joel’s heart ached would have been an understatement. His soul was barely holding together, a new piece of it dying off every day. But Y/n and Ellie had somehow kept the last few from withering. It was so subtle, he hadn’t even figured the phenomenon out yet. He was barely self-aware. But seeing Y/n, crouched down on the floor with the kids, still with the innate need to make the world around her better, he came to fully realize his thought from earlier in the day.
She was still his Y/n.
Smiling, laughing, loving, caring, kinder than the world deserved. Underneath all the anger was the woman he had loved with all his heart.
And that fucking terrified him.
As Y/n made her way back to them, Joel pulled himself back to reality, switching gears and channeling his energy into focusing on the kids. Specifically Sam. He was eight years old and in survival mode. No child deserved that. It was making him rethink his stance on the things he’d said earlier.
“If you were collaboratin’ to take care of him,” he said to Henry, “I…I shouldn’t have save what I said. I don’t know your situation. And I’m not sayin’ they should let it go, but all things considered, seems kinda cruel—to send a whole army after you for that.”
Henry waited a few seconds, Ellie’s cheers filling the silence, before speaking. “You know, I wasn’t, uh…exactly telling you the truth before…about me not killing someone.”
Y/n and Joel’s attention turned to him exclusively.
“There was a man,” Henry began, “A great man. You know, he was never afraid…never selfish…and he was always forgiving. Have you ever met someone like that? Kinda man you’d follow anywhere.”
Y/n tensed up, forbidding her eyes from flicking to Joel.
“I mean, I wanted to. Well…I would’ve,” Henry gathered strength for the rest of his story, “Yeah, but, uh…Sam, he, uh, he got sick. Leukemia,” he scanned Joel and Y/n’s somber expressions, “Yeah, anyway, um…there was one drug that worked and, whoa, big shock…there wasn’t much left of it, and it belonged to FEDRA. And if I wanted some, it was gonna take something big. So I gave them something big. That one great man. The leader of the resistance movement in Kansas City. And Kathleen’s brother.”
Understanding washed over Joel and Y/n. All the firepower, the tanks, the trucks, it all made sense.
“Yeah, so, you still think they should take it easy on me?” Henry asked rhetorically, “Or am I the bad guy?”
Y/n stayed silent, weighing morals against necessity. Joel pulled his lips down, barely shaking his head before Henry cut off what he would have said, “I don’t know what you’re waitin’ on, man. The answer’s easy. I am the bad guy because I did a bad guy thing.”
“But you did it to keep him alive,” Y/n spoke up, “You’d go to the ends of the earth for him. That’s not evil, that’s family.”
Henry’s eyes cut through the space between Joel and Y/n, “You two get it,” he nodded toward Joel, ”You may not be her father, but you were someone’s. See, I could tell.”
There it was. The big, dreadful, terrible thing that Joel and Y/n had gotten this far without talking about. It was the unspoken wound, the one deep enough to kill yet shallow enough that it didn’t show. It was a constant phantom pain in both their chests and it broke them all over again to have it brought up.
“You too,” Henry smiled at Y/n, nodding to Ellie, “That is, if she’s not yours.”
Y/n didn’t think the blade could slide any deeper into her heart. She had been something to someone once, and it was as much a part of her still as the air she breathed.
“Uh,” Y/n tearily began, clearing her throat quickly, “No, she’s not mine.”
Joel had had more than he could handle just by Henry’s assumption about him. Referring to Y/n as the word he couldn’t bring himself to utter in that context had sent him over the edge. He picked up his gun from the table and practically jumped to his feet, “We’ve waited long enough.”
Y/n stayed still at the table, holding back her tears took so much strength, it was stealing her ability to move. If she allowed herself to cry in front of Joel, she didn’t think she’d ever recover.
Henry didn’t ask questions, he didn’t bring up the very visible sorrow etched across Y/n’s face. Some hurt was palpable without ever being touched on, and it was painfully clear that Joel hadn’t been the only one to lose a child…
————
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Heyy may I ask which documentaries on various club scenes you've been watching? Really interested in the topic :)
Hey, for sure! I'll link them all. Some of these are about clubbing, and some are more about electronic music, but understanding electronic music is essential for understanding clubbing. So I'm like really obsessed with the Hacienda, which was this big Manchester nightclub in the 80s during the Madchester era, acid house boom. You got this BBC documentary (The Hacienda - The Club that Shook Britain) and also a 1990 doc on Madchester that's a nice little introduction. One of my favourite youtube channels is Trash Theory, they did a great video on Madchester and also New Order's Blue Monday, which is relevant bc New Order basically financed the club so maybe that'll interest you as well. There's also Peter Hook's book about it that I actually still haven't read but it's next up on my to read list. I would also recommend the movie 24 Hour Party People from 2002 that I really love. I'm linking everything I've seen, some acid house, raving, disco, house, techno etc. docs, video essays, other videos and so on. I think a good start, and then from here you'll find more stuff :)
Everybody In The Place: An Incomplete History Of Britain 1984-1992 by Jeremy Deller
The Chemical Generation
Acid House 1988
The Summer Of Rave 1989
Trailblazers: Acid House
Dance Britannia - Acid House
BBC Everyman - E is for Ecstasy - Rave Documentary 1992
The Rave Years - With Keith Flint & Richard Russell
I Was There When House Took Over the World
How House Music Was Born
Pump up the volume: A history of House music
Maestro Documentary - The History of the Paradise Garage
What is House? An Insider's Look at Dance Music - 1991
The Story of When House Music Went Global
When Disco Ruled the World BBC
When Disco Ruled the World VH1
Modulations - Cinema for the Ear
Better Days: The Story of UK Rave
Synth Britannia
We call it techno! A documentary about Germany’s early Techno scene and culture
Sound of Berlin Documentary
Sub Berlin - The Story of Tresor
And then there's also a bunch of real footage you can find on youtube by just typing 80s clubbing or sth like that and it's just so fun.
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peakyltd · 1 year
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Hi Daisy, I've come to request a John fic with the fluff prompt ❛ do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are? ❜( If you feel inspired, of course!) It seems like a line he would use!
Thank you for your request Lee! 🥰 This line really is something John would say, I already saw that cheeky little grin in my mind.
A/N: I wrote it pretty quickly but then I had some trouble with the flow of the story. I feel like it might not completely live up to what I wrote before. So if that's the case, I'm sorry. Anyway I hope you still like and enjoy it. I certainly did have a lot of fun writing John, it reminded me how much I love his character!
Warnings: Swearing. A few rude comments on Linda? Nothing serious. Other than that it's just pure fluff.
Word count: 2002
Family Dinner
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"Please remind me that if you ever want to have a family dinner at our house again, that I'll say no." John mumbles in her ear as he wraps his arms around her waist. "Why?" (Y/N) giggles, looking up at him.
They’re both standing in the kitchen as (Y/N) is finishing up the home made dinner. It was her idea to invite his family but it took her some time to convince John.
"It's pure chaos and Linda is pissing me off with her nagging." He answers her, chewing on this toothpick. "John, you can't say that." She chided, eyeing his family who were sat at the table. The distant was big enough for them not to hear John complaining.
"Oh c'mon (Y/N), don't act like you don't think the same thing." He says as he takes her chin gently between his fingers, turning her face back to him.
As their eyes meet, she can't help but laugh. "See? This is exactly what I mean." John laughs. "I really hope Arthur will grow his balls b-" (Y/N) cuts John off by putting her hand on his mouth, shushing him. "Ssh!" She whispers as she lowers her hand.
"Can I help you with the food (Y/N)?" Linda asks as she approaches the kitchen. "Oh no you don't have to Linda, I'm almost finished. It will come right up"
"It's really no bother." She smiles. "Thank you but it's all set, John will be our waiter tonight." (Y/N) jokes, earning a chuckle from Linda. John, on the other hand, rolls his eyes as he turns to the counter. He takes the toothpick out of his mouth and cuts off some of the meat (Y/N) made.
"If you change your mind, I'll be right there." Linda points at the empty chair next to Arthur. (Y/N) smiles at her. "I appreciate it, Linda." She answers. Watching the woman return to her seat.
(Y/N) hears a deep sigh coming from behind her. "It's no bother" He imitates her. "To me it is." John adds while eating some meat. She pushes playfully against his shoulder. "John."
"I'm right there." He imitates her again. "As if she just came walking in, she's already sitting there for hours."
"John please." (Y/N) chuckles. "She means well. What has she done to you?"
John leans against the counter. "She has to fucking comment on everything someone says or does. As of right now yeah, Arthur just had a drink or two too many. He’s not even pissed yet but she keeps asking him if it's really a good idea to take more whiskey." He sighs frustratedly. "I know I need more whiskey if I need to listen to her any longer."
(Y/N) places her hands on his cheeks and pulls him closer to her. "Try to let it go for tonight, okay? They're both adults and if Arthur has had enough of it, he'll let her know." "He won't." He defends.
"Lets just enjoy the night." She adds as she kisses him softly. "Okay?" "Hm 'kay" John mumbles against her lips as he puts his hands on her waist, pulling her in for another kiss.
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The dinner went well, the Shelby's enjoyed the fresh made food and the drinks were flowing. John had visibly relaxed and was slumped back in his seat, laughing at the conversation he was having with his brothers and cousin.
The kids were running in and out of the house, hopefully getting rid of their last energy of the day before going to bed. Ada was talking to Linda and Polly watched the family, a pleased smile on her face.
(Y/N) went back into the kitchen to get her selfmade pudding. She was excited about the dessert ever since the day she knew his family came over for dinner. It was her favorite and she loved to make it. She added some strawberries on top before taking it back to the table.
Before she could even reach the table, the kids came running in, chasing each other. A shout of John could be heard but it was too late, a few of them bumped into (Y/N). The sudden impact caused her to drop the pudding.
A loud gasp comes from her mouth. “Oh no…” She watches it splash apart, leaving it all over the floor. Disappointment filling her features.
“What have I said about no fucking running around the kitchen! Look what you've done!" John bellows as he stands up, the children immediately apologize. "Sorry mom." "Yes sorry aunt (Y/N)."
She sighs. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. Be careful next time, yeah?" They nod. "Now go back outside." John adds strictly, glaring at the kids. He made sure they were out of sight before he made his way to the kitchen.
"I'm so sorry." She apologizes to his family. "Don't be sorry, love. We've had already more than enough." Polly smiles at her. "We'll come back for pudding another time."
(Y/N) nods, wiping the remains of her dress. "Here let me help you." A voice came from behind her. John got a few towels for her to clean her dress and helped her to tidy the mess on the floor.
Once they were finished she sat back down in her chair. Feeling better after John’s attempts to cheer her up.
Rumbling was heard from the kitchen as John appeared with two bottles of whiskey in his hands. He lifted them above his head, a big grin on his lips. “I got a new dessert!” He cheered. A sigh coming from (Y/N)’s lips. “Oh god…”
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As their evening came to an end, (Y/N) and John said their goodbyes to his family. Their exit was as chaotic as their entrance. Arthur was too drunk and had to be helped into the car by Tommy and Finn. Which resulted in John having tears rolling down his cheeks from laughter and a very annoyed Linda.
When Tommy told John to "shut his fucking mouth or he would help to do so" it caused Arthur to have his own fit of uncontrollable giggles. A lot of shouting and more laughter had followed until Polly and Ada finally managed to get everyone in their cars. As soon as the cars drove out of the drive way, peace had returned.
John wiped the tears off his face. "Did you see his face? Bloody idiot." He started laughing again. "I don’t want to know how they will get him out of the car." (Y/N) giggles. "I would leave him there. He can get out by himself in the morning." He chuckles.
As his laughter calmed down he took a deep breath. "I have to admit that I enjoyed this night more than I thought I would." "I'm glad you did." She beams at him as she pulls him in for a hug, leaning her head against his chest.
John strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head. While he is looking at the garden, an idea pops up in his head.
"Shall I light the fire pit? The weather is still lovely and I wouldn’t mind to spend some time alone with you." He offers. (Y/N) looks up at him. "Oh yes, I would love that. I'll quickly check on the children, I hope they didn't wake up from all the noise."
"Alright." He gives her a quick kiss, leaving her smiling. He collects some branches and makes his way to the fire place.
Once upstairs (Y/N) checks the bedrooms of their children. She finds them sound asleep, as if nothing happened. All of them too tired from their eventful night.
As (Y/N) arrives back outside, John was already sat in front of the fire. A whiskey in his hand and a new toothpick in his mouth. “They’re still sleeping.” She tells him. "I’m glad." He says as he gets up.
"Do I need to get your coat?" "No I'm fine, it's still warm enough." She assures him. "I did get you a blanket." He points at the chair next to his, a blanket hanging on the back of the chair.
She smiles at his gesture. "Thank you, John." She says, sitting down. The fire warms her skin immediately. "I got your wine." John sits next to her, showing her the bottle and filling her glass. "You're such a gentleman, John Shelby."
He chuckles as he hands her the glass. "Of course I am." He answers, putting the bottle down next to him. (Y/N) takes a sip of her drink, leaning back against the chair. The blanket had already warmed up by the fire, making her feel at ease. She takes a deep breath as she looks over the meadow next to their house.
John mimics her and watches the fire. The reflection of the flames dancing on his face. "Aren't we lucky?" She asks, looking at him. "I know I am, I have the most beautiful woman in the world." He grins at her. She blushes lightly at his comment. "Are you flirting with me?" She chuckles.
"Maybe." He smirks at her. "Is it working?" "It already worked a while ago." She jokes. (Y/N) grabs his hand, she softly strokes it with her thumb. John squeezes hers gently. "But yes, it is working." She admits.
A peaceful silence fell over them as they're both sipping on their drinks. As the flames become smaller, John put extra woodblocks and branches in the fire pit. He catches (Y/N) staring at the sky. He looks up as well, gazing at the moon and many stars that were visible this night.
"Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?" He asks (Y/N) as he looks at her, a cheeky grin on his face. She shifts her gaze to him. "My god John." She giggles, hiding her face in her hands. John laughs as he grabs her hands and pulls her up from her chair.
"Don't hide that pretty face of yours." He chuckles. He sneaks his arms around her and pulls her closer. (Y/N) wraps her arms around his neck, brushing her fingers over the short hair on the back of his head.
"I do think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are." John confesses to her as he looks into her eyes. "Nothing compares to you. Not even the moon."
(Y/N) blushes, admiring John’s face. "I love you so much." "I love you too, darling." He tells her as he moves his face closer to hers.
"Before you kiss me, please let me do this." She whispers, earning a confused look from John. (Y/N) takes the toothpick out of his mouth and throws it into the fire.
"Oh." He chuckles. "I don't think it would add much good." She smiles. "You never know, maybe you're into it." He jokes. (Y/N) can't help but giggle at his stupid joke.
“You make me the happiest, John.” She tells him, her voice soft. “Imagine how you make me feel.” John grins at her.
He moves his face closer to hers again. His breath fanning her face. (Y/N) feels the butterflies in her stomach, they're giving her a giddy feeling. She gently pulls him closer until their lips connect.
The kiss starts off soft but steadily becomes heated as they're exploring each others mouth. One of John's hand slowly lowers until he stops on her butt, gently grabbing ahold of it. He grins as she let out a soft moan. Her fingers are tangled in his hair as her other hand rests on his neck, wanting more.
John slowly breaks this kiss, breathing heavily. "I can't get enough of you." He breathes out as he strokes her cheek with his thumb. (Y/N) smiles at him, catching her own breath. "We don't have to stop yet." She teases him. "I wasn't planning on doing so." He smirks as he pulls her in for another passionate kiss.
One of many they would share that night.
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memorycycle · 3 months
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walking down the office and pulling up to a red light my coworker in the lane next to me revs his watch at me like the minute+hour hands spinning mad fast making engine noises and im looking at my poor 2002 digital with over 250k miles on it and its looking back at me like sputtering and farting and needing an oil change and im just watching its stupid llittle whore display struggle to show something readable but then the light turns green and my boss starts honking behind me
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drvscarlett · 5 months
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FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER
Esteban Ocon x childhood bestfriend!reader
Summary: Esteban has been pining over his bestfriend for the longest time. How long will it take her to see that what she's looking for is right in front of her?
The Tortured Drivers' Department series
A/N: And the first person that I'll be crossing off the list is Estie bestie. I think he is probably one of the drivers that gives me the wholesome aura. Let me know what you think or if you wanna be added to the taglist.
Taglist. @tea-bobba @boiohboii @c-losur3 @haikyuen @stelena-klayley @stinkyjax @0710khj @jinimon-tr
Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you. Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to.
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02-13-2002
Dear Diary,
Today I met my first ami (ami is friend in french) and he is Esteban something long name Okon. He is so nice to me. He said hi and helped me swing on the swing sets. I hope I meet more ami like Esteban but he is my favoriteeeee!!!
-y/n.
6 years old Esteban was actually running away from class when he stumbled upon a girl swinging alone at the park's swing set. He frowns because he noticed that every kid at the park have someone to play with but she has no one. Esteban was in an internal battle to just leave it alone but he can't help but feel bad for her.
He walked to the girl and he sat next to the empty swing next to her.
Y/N looked at the stranger that just joined her. Her interest was piqued because no one wants to be around her. She blamed it in her inability to speak French so she was hesitant to scare off the potential play mate.
"I'm Esteban, you are new?" Esteban started.
Esteban's english was not perfect especially with a strong French accent but he can hold a good conversation. He can see how the excited grin appeared in her face.
"Y/N! You speak good, can we be friends?" she asked.
She extends her hands to the boy and Esteban shakes it.
"Mon ami"Esteban agrees.
There was a visible confusion in her face. Esteban mentally slaps himself as he forgot that she cannot speak french.
"It mean friends"he added.
"Mon ami Esteban" it rolls right in her tongue.
And although there was a great language barrier, they managed to stay there at the swing sets till it was time to go home for dinner. Their antics and their grand hand gestures helped them communicate with each other.
11-28-2002
Dear Diary,
I told Estie that I will be missing thanksgiving a lot because I don't live in US. His mom and dad cooked, we had our own version of thanksgiving. I'm so grateful to my mon ami, Estie.
-y/n
Usually, Esteban's afterschool routine was drop his bags and leave the house to meet up with his bestfriend, Y/N. They would go sit at the swing set for hours or maybe watch the television at Y/N's house. It was a routine that Mrs. Ocon has been familiar with ever since Y/N came into the picture.
"Maman, can I talk to you about something"
Esteban made a beeline to his mother as soon as he gets home this afternoon.
"Did you have any troubles in school?" Mrs. Ocon wondered.
"Not at all Maman" Esteban answers "I just need help with something Maman about Y/N"
Mrs. Ocon tried to hide the smile in her face as he mutters a soft "oh". Meanwhile, Esteban reached out a piece of paper from his bag.
"Maman I drew this at school, this is a tradition that Y/N misses in America"Esteban explains.
The paper was filled with drawings of stick figures sitting in a table. The table was filled with dishes messily drawn in a muddle of green, brown, and orange.
Mrs. Ocon looks at her son with confusion, she still didn't know what he needs help in.
"What are you trying to say Esteban?"she asked
"This 28 is the thanksgiving dinner and Y/N says that her parents will be busy. She told me its just like a normal dinner but you say thank you for everything you are grateful about"Esteban elaborates "Can we do that Maman and can we invite Y/N to join us"
"That's a wonderful gesture to do for your friend Esteban" Mrs Ocon coos.
Esteban breaks out into a grin with the agreement of his mother.
"But you will be helping me prepare the dishes okay?" Mrs. Ocon added
"Of course Maman, I'll do anything"
Esteban gives his Mother a tight hug. He was extremely grateful because he knows how much Y/N has been missing so many american things lately. He was just scared that she'll leave France and then go back to America then he will never see her again.
On the other hand, Mrs. Ocon can call it mother instincts but she called it from this moment that her son is in love with his bestfriend.
05-17-2005
Dear Diary,
I like reading a lot while my bestfriend Estie loves riding the small karts. I like going to school, Estie doesn't like that. It seems like were different with each other. I'm scared of losing my bestfriend, what should i do?
But I'll support him. I want him to be happy. Thats what bestfriends do.
-y/n
"I wanna be a race car driver"Esteban blurts out one time that they were watching those Formula 1 races on the television.
Y/N started laughing because she thought it was a joke but when she looked at him, his eyes were looking at the race cars with so much determination.
"Wait, you are serious?"
"Can't you picture me driving those cars? It's like being wind woosh" Esteban mimicked the movement of the cars.
"But its like dangerous, you could crash" Y/N argues.
They have seen some serious crashes in the times that they watched F1. Y/N couldn't forget that dogpile crash in Monaco just a few weeks ago, her heart nearly stopped when the car hits a marshal cleaning up debris.
"Then I'm going to train to be a good driver so I don't crash" Esteban confidently states.
"But what about school?"Y/N asked "You're not seriously leaving me there"
"Woah, I said I wanna be a race car driver"Esteban clarifies "I didn't say anything about leaving you. You are mon ami"
"But school Estie?"Y/N repeats
Both of them knows that Esteban never found a knack for the academics, his favorite class was physical education. As much as Y/N tries to encourage him to study, he didn't like to do that a lot. Esteban always said that the braincells of Y/N will be enough for them to share and to get through life.
"I really wanna be a race car driver"Esteban insisted.
Y/N knew Esteban very well that if he sets his mind to it then he is bound to do it. There is nothing else she can do but support it.
"Esteban Ocon, a grand prix winner" Y/N shows her encouragement "I could picture it the crowd goes roar and you step onto those podiums holding those big trophies"
Esteban grins at her enthusiasm.
"And then I could take you with me to watch them when you finish school"Esteban added "We could travel the world together when I become a driver"
"Esteban wait so if you do become a race driver then maybe I can meet Kimi"Y/N wondered.
"Wow you only want me to go to F1 for Kimi huh"
"Well its a good opportunity to meet the man, the myth, the legend"
06-16-2006
Dear Diary,
I'm just really really sad today. Estie will be moving far away from here. Maybe I only get to see him on the weekends. I'll miss my bestfriend, mon ami
-y/n
They were at the swing sets when Esteban broke the news that he was accepted to compete for karting competitions. Y/N was immediately ecstatic to hear this but there was a frown gracing Esteban's face.
"You just told me that you are gonna compete for go karting but why do you look so sad" Y/N inquires "Isn't this like the first step in being an F1 driver?"
It is but Esteban hadn't predicted how costly this whole thing will be and how sacrifices have to be made in order to reach his dreams.
"We have to leave the house"Esteban breaks the news.
"Leave?"Y/N was confused "I mean don't you really have to leave the house to go to the go karting place..but you'll come back right?"
He shakes his head and Y/N could feel the reason for the sad looks on his face. Her heart feels like cracking especially when Esteban starts to speak again.
"They sold the house to get me a kart" Esteban's voice was filled with so much sadness "They knew it was my dream and the whole family sees a lot of potential that I can do it. I just feel terrible that they have to make sacrifices to make my dreams come true"
They were merely ten years old but it was a lot of burden to carry and to understand. Y/N is at loss for words but she just grabbed Esteban's hands.
"Then you have to give your all and be the best race driver ever okay?"Y/N reminded him
Esteban looked at Y/N and there were stray tears leaving her eyes but she has a brave face on and an encouraging smile. He was lucky to have a family that believes in him and he was even more luckier because he gets to have another supporter in the form of his bestfriend.
"You make a lot of money so you can buy your home again and you can treat your parents out"Y/N says "You have to do well okay, we all believe in you Estie"
And its these words that kept repeating on Esteban's mind whenever he is on track.
11-23-2012
Dear Diary,
It's my birthday today. Did you believe that Estie waited till it turned midnight here in France just to call me. My bestfriend be setting up the standards for everyone. I got a cake in the morning from my classmates and then we went to have dinner. Sixteen, im getting old now.
-y/n
Esteban and Y/N had a tradition since they were kids that they will wait for each other's birthday because they wanted to be the first person to greet each other.
The minute that the clock strikes 12, Y/N's phone starts vibrating. She had a grin on her face upon seeing the name on the caller ID.
"Well hello there Mr. Lightning McQueen"Y/N greeted.
"Happiest birthday to my sweetest mon ami"Esteban cheered on the other line "You know that I wish you all the best things in life and all of happiness that life has to offer"
"I'm surprised you had time to call, don't you have to wake up early later for your race?" Y/N questioned.
It was true, they don't get to talk as much whenever Esteban was in a competition season. Y/N doesn't mind it that much because Esteban will message whenever he can.
"I wouldn't miss my favorite person's day" Esteban answers.
His remarks made Y/N blush. It was a good thing that this is just a phone call conversation or she had some explaining to do.
"That makes me miss you way way more Estie"Y/N sighs "I hope I can see you again"
"Is that your birthday wish?" Esteban jokes
"My birthday wish is an F1 seat for you" Y/N declares.
"Hey, stop wishing about me. It's your day wish for YOUR day" Esteban argues.
"Then I wish for my bestfriend to get an F1 seat so I can meet Kimi"Y/N rephrases.
They spent a good time talking to each other. Y/N updates Esteban about those girls in her class that she wants to be friends with and how difficult physics assignments are. Esteban mentions about the trainings and the different race drivers that he met on track.
Esteban knows that he might probably regret staying up late but everything always seems worth it when it comes to Y/N.
"Well its really nice catching up to you but school starts at 7 tomorrow"Y/N yawns a bit "You must be pretty tired as well with all the training"
"Don't you worry about me here, I'm doing okay"
"You are the best Estie" Y/N said "Goodnight estie, love you"
Love. That's the word that Esteban has been pondering about a lot lately. It was that stage of life that people are getting girlfriends and boyfriends because they love that person. The only person that Esteban thinks he can love and be in a relationship with is Y/N.
First he thought, maybe its because Y/N's a close friends. Many people get the lines blurred between friendship and relationship. However, Esteban is beginning to realize that he likes Y/N more than a friend.
But, Esteban was scared of scaring her off or losing her so he settles with this.
"Good night Y/N, love you more"
01-01-2017
Dear Diary,
So Esteban and I went to our first party because Esteban finally had a permanent team for the upcoming 2017 season. We had a few drinks to celebrate and I met a boy. His name is Vincent. I think we hit it off pretty well.
-y/n
Esteban has this all night planned with him announcing that he is getting a permanent seat in Formula 1 to inviting her to the races to confessing his feelings and then hopefully get a New Year Eve's kiss.
However, here he is in the bathroom chickening out with his plans.
"C'mon Esteban, you can do this" he preps himself.
In his mind, he had everything written and prepared. He will start talking about the childhood how he was so glad to meet her and to her being the number 1 fan since day 1. Then he will move to his realizations and such when he was moving up to F1.
"Just say what you feel and be true. It's gonna work out"Esteban tells his reflection to the mirror.
With one spray of water to the face, Esteban exits the bathroom to find Y/N in the sea of crowd.
He searches for her and he was glad to see that she was still at the same place where he left her. However, his face scrunches up because there was another guy around her.
"Estieee!"Y/N calls out "I want you to meet Vincent, he is my new friend"
Esteban eyes the man because he didn't even look at him. Vincent's eyes were only looking at Y/N's and Esteban could feel his heart drop. He knows that look all too well because that is how he looks at her.
There goes his chance.
12-25-2017
Dear Diary,
This is my first christmas with Vincent as my boyfriend. Were still getting used with the presents thing and I think I overwhelmed him a bit. But I think that its going well, Mom loves Vincent. Dad and Esteban doesn't seem to think that Vincent is good for me.
-y/n
"Okay, time to open christmas presents!" Y/N excitedly announce.
Everyone gathers at the Christmas tree. It was a yearly tradition in the household that after lunch they go one-by-one in opening the gifts. Y/N always loved presents so she would always go first.
"Merry Christmas darling"Vincent says as he gives his present.
Esteban manages to keep his expression straight but he would have gagged if he could. He was filled with so much jealousy that he could have been in that position right now if he didn't chicken out.
Also, there was something so irritating and wrong about Vincent. He just don't have any proof about it. Mr. Y/L/N has a similar theory which he discussed with Esteban when they were in the garage earlier.
Y/N opens the box and she saw a gold chain with the letter V. It was a very beautiful necklace and it seems expensive as well. She musters up a smile as she thanks her boyfriend.
"This is beautiful Vincent" Y/N admires as she takes it off the box.
"I know."Vincent agrees "When I saw it in the store, I immediately thought of you"
The thoughts were sweet but Esteban couldn't help himself.
"Mate"Esteban calls "Y/N doesn't wear gold"
It was the truth that Y/N never wore any gold jewelry but since it was a gift, she was putting on a smile. Esteban knows that Y/N is just being appreciative to be respectful. Frankly, he was a bit pissed off that Vincent didn't even pay attention to that simple details of Y/N.
"Oh, I didn't know that"Vincent sheepishly grins "I didn't notice that, maybe I should take it b-"
"No, no. I'll wear it, its the thought that counts"Y/N settles.
"Next year, I'll get you a better gift" Vincent assures.
Mr. Y/L/N and Esteban could only share an eye roll, they really hope that they don't get to see Vincent next year around.
06-26-2018
Dear Diary,
Today is emotionally draining and I find it hard to sleep with a lots of thoughts in my head. It feels really different to see Estie in an F1 car. I simply can't believe it that he went to watching race cars to driving one. It sucks about whats about to happen but I am so proud of my bestfriend, mon ami Estie. I will always be proud of him no matter what.
-y/n
One of the worst things that could probably happen is to not finish a race but the feeling intensifies when it happened on your home race. Esteban wanted to kick himself for his misfortune. He didn't even get a lap in when Gasly collided him thus ending their races.
"Stupid" Esteban repeats the video all over again.
The door gently opens and Esteban would have shouted to leave him alone but Y/N peeked out of the door. It was like instant moment of peace for Esteban then its back to feeling like a failure because he suddenly remembered that everyone he loves have watched him DNF live.
"Estie, they told me you were here"Y/N greeted "You wanna talk?"
"I rather not" Esteban quickly answered.
"Hey, its just one bad weekend Estie"Y/N sits next to him.
"This is that one weekend that should have been a good weekend. Everyone is watching me and I didn't even start a lap before getting fucked"
The crack in Esteban's voice signifies that it was extremely heartbreaking for him to have this performance for his home race. Y/N could only tap his shoulder for comfort.
"Estie, you will have a lot of weekends ahead of you and you still have a lot more weekends that we will be watching. Don't be too hard on yourself" Y/N comforts "You can bounce back like you always do"
"You believe in me way too much"
"You already came a long way Estie. From sitting and watching them race every Sunday to actually driving a car. You should be proud of yourself" Y/N reminds.
There was something else painful in Esteban's heart. The recent issues regarding the team doesn't guarantee him for a seat in the coming year. It was another reason why he felt so down with what happened.
"Would you still be proud of me even if I don't have an F1 seat?" Esteban asked.
"What? What happened Estie?" Y/N was shocked.
"I might not have a team to drive for next year. I don't know if anyone is going to pick me with my DNFs and everything, I'm not a good candidate"
Esteban sheds the tears he has been trying to hide. He knew that this was a safe place to talk to Y/N. Everything just felt so heavy.
"Oh my god Estie, I'm sorry"Y/N consoles her bestfriend.
The two bestfriend knew how much this Formula 1 seat meant. It was a lot of struggles and sacrifice to reach this moment. One moment they were just kids going on karting season and now Esteban was getting his F1 seat. Now its being taken away, its like waking up from a good dream.
Y/N brushes away her tears and started to pace as if devising a plan.
"Don't you dare think that just because you are not getting a team next year is that you are a bad driver. You are a great driver okay,remember that." Y/N encourages "Take the year off. Improve your skills, get better then make a comeback"
If Y/N believes that he can make a comeback then Esteban believes that as well.
02-03-2019
Dear Diary,
I had a fight with Vincent. He told me that I am spending too much time with Esteban. He wanted me to stay away from Estie like who is he to tell me what to do.
I told him to be more patient with Estie because he really needs support right now. I hate how stupid and irrational Vincent is.
-y/n
Esteban was just picking up one of his cousin at the club when he saw a familiar figure at the alley. He just wanted to say hi to Vincent but when he noticed that he was holding hands with a girl, who is definitely not Y/N, Esteban started to follow.
He watched as how Vincent pulled the girl into a kiss and all Esteban could see was red.
"OHMYGOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"The girl shouts.
Esteban lands a solid punch. He doesn't care if Vincent is drunk or whatever but he should never cheat especially on a woman as amazing as Y/N.
"I tried to give you a chance, you fucking ruined it"Esteban lands another punch at Vincent.
"What the fuck man, get off!"Vincent screams.
The fact that Esteban was willing to let go and watch Y/N be happy with Vincent. He was willing to do that because Vincent makes Y/N happy but seeing this. Its not gonna happen anymore.
Two bouncers of the club broke them off. The girl immediately tended to the beaten up Vincent, Esteban dust himself off as he sets out a threat.
"You better come clean and tell her the truth or else I fucking will" Esteban warns.
"FUCK YOU MAN" Vincent shouts back "I know you like her! I know you are just waiting for an opportunity to ruin us"
"I'm not the one who ruined the fucking relationship Vincent, it was you who fucking cheated on Y/N"
Esteban was seething as he returned to the car. His mind thumbs to call Y/N but he knows that it will break Y/N's heart terribly if he tells her the truth.
09-28-2019
Dear Diary,
I hate this feeling of being ina fight with Esteban. He said some things that aren't true and I said some things that must have hurt him a lot. I don't think we will be okay any time soon. I just wish I could have turned back time to talk about the whole thing more carefully.
-y/n
There are not many things that Esteban and Y/N disagrees with each other. It was quite rare to see them fight each other because they fit perfectly just like that. Usually, their fights are just simple misunderstandings and harmless that they will make up in a day or so.
This time its different.
Everything started when Y/N explained that she'll be moving to Vincent's apartment, something that triggered Esteban greatly. It was apparent that Y/N had no idea of what happened at the club so Esteban told the whole truth.
Y/N is in complete denial and called Esteban a liar. So here they are with their raised tones.
"If you are my fucking friend then you would have told me the minute you saw it" Y/N explained "Why didn't you fucking call"
"I was protecting you. I know it would hurt you to know the truth and I told Vincent that he has to be the one to come clean" Esteban fights back.
"Protecting me with a grand lie?"
"I thought you don't fucking believe me that Vincent is cheating" Esteban frustrated with the argument.
"I don't know who to fucking believe because you would have told me right away if its real" Y/N cried.
The emotions were all too high, they were a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Esteban could not hide the disappointment in his face that Y/N didn't believe him.
"You don't trust me" Esteban realized.
"No Esteban, its not like-"
"Then what is it like?" Esteban asked "It seems as if you totally forgot that it was me who you could always trust no matter what. You forgot that I was your bestfriend since the beginning that was always there."
Y/N didn't want to get all the blame so she strikes back again even though tears were threatening to fall.
"You know its very fucking ironic that you say that" Y/N's words were like bullets "You didn't fucking trust me to believe you either that's why you didn't call"
Esteban was speechless and then he shakes his head.
"Where are you going?"Y/N chases after.
"I'm going home, away from you"
"Fine. Don't fucking come back" Y/N slams the door.
There were a lot of things said and done. They both don't know how they regretted everything.
03-29-2020
Dear Diary,
This whole lockdown is a little bit fucked. I was cleaning up some files in my computer and I saw a photo of me and Estie. I wonder if he is still mad at me and I wonder how he is doing with lockdowns. I wanted to reach out to him but I can't help but think back how much I must have hurt him before.
Vincent is a bit stressed with the whole lockdown situation. He gets frustrated easily especially with the new work set-up. I'm sure he will get better at handling his emotions, I just have to understand this for the moment.
-y/n
Esteban was scrolling through his instagram feed. He had nothing much to do since the lockdown kept everyone inside their homes. There was this feeling of uncertainty when can they race again but Esteban could only hope that they can race again even by May or June.
His hands stopped when he saw the newest instagram post of Y/N. It was a photo of her cooking a dish and the next set of photos showcases more of her lockdown diaries.
There was a bitter smile gracing on Esteban's face when he saw the photo of Vincent. It seems as if Vincent hasn't told the truth yet or maybe he lied to Y/N that's why they are still together. Esteban feels like he could punch the guy if he ever sees him again.
Not a day goes by that he regrets that fight he had with Y/N. It was just utterly pointless that it happened and he misses her. He hopes that she is okay and maybe after this whole lockdown is over then he'll go and find her again.
With heavy sighs, he scrolls past the post without liking it.
08-01-2021
Dear Diary,
Esteban is a grand prix winner. I'm really so proud of him, I shed some tears when he reach the final lap. I don't know if its the emotions or the adrenaline but I also messaged him and I was surprised that he answered. It seems like this is a start of a good thing.
-y/n
There were no words to describe how amazing the feeling was to be on top of the podium. Esteban could only imagine that feeling before but now he is living it. Everything felt like a wild dream because when he started the race he didn't even know that he will end up being a race winner after.
Collapsing to his bed, he finally opens his phone and it was immediately buzzing with so many messages. There was one message conversation that catches his attention
Y/N: Hi Esteban! I hope this is still your number. I watched the race today and I'm really so proud of you. I want to waive a white flag because this is everything that you have dreamed of all these years. There are no words to describe how proud I am of you. You have come a long way from that kid by the swing set. You will always have my support (even if we have a cold war). Y/N: I'm also sorry. I said some things that was really not good for me to say. I'm sorry I'm doing this over a text and I'm sorry that it took me this long. Y/N: I hope you are okay. You better drink up some champagne, you deserve it Grand Prix Winner.
There was this warmth that seems to envelope him as he reads the messages. It feels nice to know that she stills supports him even though they are not talking.
Esteban catches himself smiling through his phone screen confirming that his feelings for her still exist.
"Oh fuck it, this feeling never goes away doesn't it"
01-02-2022
Dear Diary,
Vincent proposed to me today in front of a crowd today. Mentally I wanted to say no because I don't think that I am ready for it or maybe its just the fact that I'm not sure that Vincent is ready for it. I just said yes because there was a large group of people. I felt like I was put on the spot and I didn't like it.
Maybe, its just the nerves.
-y/n
Mrs. Ocon had been keeping tabs with Mrs. Y/L/N even when the two had stopped talking to each other. They often update with each others lives when they get their nails done. Today, Mrs. Ocon couldn't believe the news shared to her so she hurried downstairs to find Esteban.
"Is it true Esteban?" Mrs. Ocon asked
"What's true maman?"
Esteban has just finished doing simulations so he have not been with his phone for quite some time. His mother immediately shoved her phone to his hand. Esteban squints as she watched the video of someone getting proposed at the Eiffel Tower.
"Maman, I'm not getting married anytime soon"Esteban jokes.
He has been pestered multiple times about getting married or getting a girlfriend but Esteban didn't want any of those. Nothing could compare to Y/N so he would rather not date anyone else.
"Just look more closely"Mrs Ocon insisted.
Scrunching up his nose, Esteban finally noticed the familiar faces of the couple. And it feels like a deja vu from his experience so many years ago when he almost confessed for New Years Eve.
Only this time, the pain has been magnified.
"That's good for Y/N, I'm.."Esteban holds his breath "happy for her"
"Honey...It's okay to not feel happy.."
Mrs Ocon has been one of the witness of everything and she knows how much her son loves Y/N. She extended a hug and soon the tall French man just let all his tears fall.
01-09-2023
Dear Diary,
I called it off, Vincent cheated on me and there was another girl on the side. He got her pregnant. I felt so stupid because I have been ignoring so many red flags all these years, I should have known better. I don't know what to fucking do, I hate him so much.
"What the fuck is wrong with me"
Y/N was a mess and anyone else who have been confronted with the reality that they have been in a fucked up relationship for so long will be a complete mess.
"There is nothing wrong with you Y/N" Esteban repeated "It was not your fault that he cheated"
"I was so stupid Estie, I wasted so many years for him"
This has been an ongoing process for a while now. Its been a good two weeks since they broke up but Y/N was still stuck in a period of asking questions and crying.
"I want my fucking life back and I can't get it back"Y/N laments.
Esteban doesn't know what he could do to help but he just became the shoulder that she can lean on. It was a good thing that there weren't much to do yet, he can still be with Y/N for a while.
"You know on the brighter side of life, you are still lucky that you didn't marry him" Esteban suggested "Like imagine all the divorce and process you have to go through if you did marry him"
"I might have ugly children if I married Vincent" Y/N scoffs.
"He is not your problem anymore Y/N, just ignore him"Esteban encourages.
Y/N lets out a frustrated cry as she messes up her hair again.
"I can't just fucking ignore him. He have been with me for a good period of my life and people just expect me to move on and go on with my life. I lost so many things about myself that I don't even trust myself after him"
Tears started falling from her eyes. She wipes them up as Esteban guided her to a chair.
"I'm sorry Y/N, here lets take a seat and I'll get you water" Esteban said before leaving to go to the kitchen.
There was something so nice to have Esteban around. Even if she shouts or screams like that, Esteban is still patient and kind with her. He was not rushing her to move past what she feels, he allows her to speak.
"You know, I can survive on my own" Y/N mutters.
"I know"Esteban agrees as he handed her the water "But I wanted to be here for you. You have always been there for me when I'm at my lowest of lows, I wanna be there for you now"
It was rare to see Y/N's smiles nowadays but with Esteban saying stuffs like that, she can't help but smile. She was very grateful to have Esteban around. She didn't know how she could survive without Esteban's help.
"Thanks estie
02-18-2023
Dear Diary,
Is it too soon to open up my heart again? I really want to try but I am scared. Maybe this is what happens when you've been in a shitty relationship for so long.
I also know that I dont wanna mess up things. If I do mess up things, I'm not going to just miss someone but I'll miss that boy I met at the swingset.
Maybe this year can do me good.
-y/n
"Esteban for a driver, you are pretty slow driving normal cars"Y/N teased.
"I have to be careful, accidents always happen and I don't wanna injure you before a flight" Esteban argues.
Esteban unloads all their bags. The two of them are going abroad however they are going to different countries. Y/N is going back to her old American home and she might be there for a while. On the other hand, Esteban is going to Bahrain for the pre-testing.
"You sure you have everything?" Esteban asked "Passports? Tickets? chargers?"
"Hey Mr. I forgot my passport, dont lecture me about forgetting things"Y/N smirked.
"Just double check and don't be like me then"
For onlookers they look like a couple about to travel together. How Esteban wishes that was the case but they are just a couple of bestfriends.
"Gonna miss you mon ami"Y/N hugs Esteban "I think I see my gate over there, call me okay"
"Of course I will"Esteban assures.
Y/N was already walking a decent few meters away when Esteban started to debate if he should tell her now. It seems spontaneous but this is a now or never situation.
"Wait up Y/N!"
"Did you forget something?"she teased
She turned her head and found Esteban catching up to her. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and Y/N could tell that Esteban was a bit nervous about something.
"Actually there is something I wanna tell you" Esteban starts.
"Oh what about it?"
She tilts her head in curiosity as Esteban takes in a large deep breath.
"I never forgot my passport. I was just using it as an excuse so I can spend more time with you. I didn't wanna go away from you because I miss you and I love you"Esteban declares.
"Aww Estie, you know I love you too-"
"No, Y/N its not that kind of love"Esteban clarifies "I love you as in I love you in a non-platonic way. I love you in a way that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you in a way that I'll do everything so that I'm always coming home to you"
There was silence between the two of them. Esteban was looking for any signs of disgust or rejection in Y/N's eyes but so far those emotions doesn't seem to appear. He feels brave enough to continue further.
"Look, I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend. I know you need time to heal from whatever happened to you. I won't rush you. I have waited since were little kids, this is nothing compared to that. Allow yourself to heal and be yourself. Explore the world. Then if you want me, I'm just here waiting for you"
Esteban's word was filled with so much love and adoration. It was the respect that Y/N needed for having suffer a bad relationship. How could she be so blind not to see what's in front of her all along.
Y/N leans to hug him.
"I won't answer this for now, wait for me to be healed okay?"she whispers.
"Of course Y/N, always waiting for you."
05-01-2024
Dear Diary,
Almost a year and so since my last entry.
I have visited a lot of places to find myself and to heal myself. It was a beautiful journey going to foreign places and trying new things. Actually gave me a new perspective in life that makes me confidently say that I am healed. Some things take a lot of time before we tend to appreciate it.
I have someone waiting for me for almost 22 years already. I'm finally going home to him.
-y/n
115 notes · View notes
heartfullofleeches · 11 months
Note
ICE CREAM MACHINE GHOST LORE-
i am so down for learnin more about R 👀👀
Especially the idea of them and fast food reader catchin up on stuff R didnt get a chance to do???
Chefs kiss for R or maybe just even regular smooches for R
R was born June 1st, 1981 and went missing on the 2nd of June, 2002. This is important to mention not just to give a timeline to his short period alive, but also because he was a huge Scooby-Doo fan and really looking forward the live action film coming out around that time [June 14th]
Fast Food Reader unwinds from a stressful day, and rewards R for good behavior (aka going one day without slapping their ass with a dish rag) by wheeling in the tv used for training tapes and popping in a copy of Scooby-Doo - chilling with R as they watch it. Grabs the blankets they keep in their locker and sets up a little fort in the break room with popcorn and everything. Being the saint they are, Reader may offer to let him use their body so he can enjoy the snacks himself, but R wants to experience everything with them and snatches some poor suckers body to use. Reader doesn't understand why any of their coworkers like them, but then they do shit like this that reminds R a little of what he used to be and fall deeper in love with them with the humanity they've restored in him.
If Reader ever shows him what's new Scooby-Doo they would try to kill him again because he wouldn't stop singing the theme song.
-
R watches from behind the counter as you push the tarp covered trolley into the break room. After cleaning up for the day, you've been in and out of the room without saying much to him or answering his questions. The slam of a locker door and your shoes clicking across the hard floor draw you back to his spot as you fling your bag over your shoulder. You present the item retrieved from within, picking off the plastic film wrapped around the box.
"Hey, I'm done with work and still have a couple hours on the clock. Wanna watch this movie with me? Brought it for you."
"For me?" The confusion in his tone is genuine - still laced with that snarky tone he's known for. "What's the occasion? If you wanted to take me out on a date you could've been a little more romantic with your approach."
"Don't play dumb. You've been muttering lyrics to hex girls songs since I started working here when you think nobody is around. Took a while to figure out where they were from, but it's from a Scooby-Doo film so I thought you'd be interested in watching one with me."
R inspects the box art closer. There is something vaguely familiar about the girl with the orange sweater. Had a crush on someone just because they had the same square glasses and brown hair. That lovable, scared-cat mutt and his equally as jumpy human companion. He and his little brother used to have week long fights to see who got to be who for Halloween... They've taken on a different look, but they're still them. And he's still him. The same young adult who lept over the moon when he first saw that poster hung on the wall of his local theater.
"Got some popcorn and junk in the back. You can use my body for a minute if you want some. Try to make me strip in front of the bathroom mirrors and I will call an exorcist."
"While I appreciate the offer, there's no need." Leaping over the counter, R zips pass you and straight for locked front doors - phasing through the glass and into the body of the understandably terrified customer you chose to ignore as you closed up early. Their eyes briefly widen with fear before glossing over. R stretches, popping the stiff joints in his new body as he rounds the building - leaping through the still open drive through window. He strolls over to you, flashing that wide smile that looked bizarre on a living human face.
"I'm sure I'm better looking as I am, but this body doing anything for you?~"
"Whatever - let's just go."
His stolen heart leaps as you take his hand and pull him along with you to the back. It continues to pound in his ears as you enter the bathroom and take your seat on the floor, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him in the little fort you made using chair and old tablecloths. You take a blanket left on the floor and throw some of it in his lap as you pick up the remote.
"Comfortable?"
Reese looks down at his legs. He looks over at your hand still in his and squeezes it tighter. He fainty remembers the warmth of a high school crushes touch, but there's something different about it this time. The angry swarm of butterflies he felt in his stomach then are calm in the same way his mind is whenever he hears your voice.
"Yeah... I am...."
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justagalwhowrites · 1 year
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CAN YOU WRITE A PRE-OUTBREAK ONESHOT WHERE JOEL TAKES CARE OF HER WHEN SHES SICK?? THAT WOULD BE SO CUTEE
Hi Bestie!
I know I said nothing new today but... I ended up with like 2 hours of writing time and decided to finally respond to an ask. I loved this prompt! Thank you SO MUCH - both for sending it in and (hopefully) patiently waiting for me to get to it. I love you!
Sick Leave
On a visit to Texas, you come down with appendicitis and Joel looks after his girl. Can be read independently, but is within the timeline of Lavender, found on Tumblr here.
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (Lavender reader)
Warnings: None :) Just fluff
Length: 2.1K
Late July, 2002
“And who’s he?” You asked, all but swallowed by the nest of pillows at the head of the bed. 
“That’s Sonny,” Sarah said, curled up beside you, her head on your shoulder. “He’s a mobster, he’s like… the dangerous guy in town?” 
“He’s kinda cute,” you nodded. Sarah’s nose crinkled. “What? If he grew a mustache he’d kind of look like your dad…” 
“Oh, ugh!” She elbowed your ribs lightly, the way she normally would if you hadn’t just had surgery. You winced. “Oh, crap! I’m sorry…” 
“It’s ok,” you adjusted a bit, the spark of pain already fading. “I asked for that, calling your dad cute and all.” 
“Yeah, you kind of did,” she agreed, adjusting, too, so she was snuggled in around your arm. “Plus if you think he’s cute, you should see his body guard, Jason. He’s… ugh, he’s just so good. Oh, look, see? There he is.” 
You giggled a little. 
“He is cute,” you conceded. “Think I like Sonny more, though…” 
“Ugh, you would,” she scoffed. 
Sarah watched the melodrama intently and you just rested your head against hers, enjoying the chance to snuggle a bit with your favorite kid. It had been an unusual visit to Texas this time around. Instead of trying to cram as much fun stuff into the few weeks you were down as you possibly could, you’d come down with appendicitis just after you got into town. That had meant no trips to Six Flags, no midweek beach trips, not even any matinees to watch movies in the comfort of overpowered air conditioning. 
But it had also meant Sarah giving you a thorough education on her latest summer obsession - a soap opera called General Hospital - and Joel, waiting on you hand and foot. 
“Baby Girl?” You heard the front door close as Joel came in. “You forgetting that conversation we had about boundaries again?” 
“No!” Sarah called, rolling her eyes. 
Joel came into the bedroom, a drink carrier with three Diary Queen cups in hand. He shook his head. 
“Sure looks like ya are,” he said, setting the ice cream on the dresser. “Thought we decided to give her some space? Make sure you’re not jostling that incision and giving her time to rest?” 
“But Dad!” She groaned. “I never get to do this…” 
“She’s right, you know,” you said as Joel passed you your Oreo Blizzard. “I’m usually too far away for good soap opera girl time and we’re usually a little too busy when I’m in town to keep up with all the goings on in… where is this again?” 
“Port Charles,” Sarah said. Joel handed her a milkshake with a roll of his eyes. 
“Port Charles,” you said, smiling up at Joel. “So this, really, is vital stuff. Plus, I’ve learned that Jason is, apparently, cute.” 
“Cute, huh?” He asked, getting his own ice cream from the carrier and delicately climbing in on the other side of you. 
“Oh yeah,” Sarah said. “I mean, have you seen him? Those arms!” 
“I do know a thing or two about liking men with nice arms,” you said, giving Joel a teasing look. He shook his head, grinning slightly. 
“Aren’t you a little young to be lookin’ at men’s arms?” Joel asked, leaning over you a little to look at his daughter. 
“Dad, I’m 13,” she rolled her eyes. 
“You’ve been 13 for a week,” he muttered. 
“13 is 13, love,” you took a bite of your Blizzard. “Better get used to it.” 
When Sarah got up to run to the bathroom during the commercial, Joel adjusted your pillows and tucked you against his side. 
“Seriously,” he said, his voice low. “You need to be resting, I can take her out of the house…” 
“Hon, I’ve been in bed for three days,” you smiled at him. “I am resting.” 
“Just worried about you,” he kissed your temple. “Scared the hell outta me…” 
He’d been like this since you’d gotten sick in the first place. 
The first few days of your trip had been fine. There was the ceremonial visit to your favorite Mexican place in town - always the first stop you made besides dropping bags off at Joel’s house. 
Sarah was old enough now that she could stay home on her own in the evenings, so you and Joel went with Tommy and a girl he was seeing - you hadn’t bothered to learn her name, you could already tell she wasn’t going to stick - to listen to music the night your flight got in. The next day you spent in the pool, watching Joel grill from the inflatable lounge chair he’d gotten just for you, margarita in hand. 
“You’re lookin’ mighty comfortable there, Baby,” he teased. 
You shrugged and sipped your drink. 
“Might just have to move in,” you said. “Poolside cocktail service is a really nice perk…” 
You woke up the next day feeling like shit. 
It was like a switch had flipped. You went to bed feeling fine - slightly tipsy, but fine. More than fine after Joel got done with you. And then, right around six in the morning, you were running to the bathroom to puke. 
“Shit, baby,” Joel was sitting on the bathtub next to you, one hand on your back, rubbing in broad circles between your shoulder blades, the other holding your hair in his fist. “Maybe I didn’t cook the chicken all the way through…” 
“When have you ever fucked up on the grill?” You asked, resting your cheek on your arm as it draped against the toilet seat. Joel’s eyes went a little wide. 
“You don’t think you’re…” he broke off. You raised your eyebrows and tried not to laugh. 
“Don’t think morning sickness, shows up two days after you sleep with someone,” you said. “And it’s been a few months since I was here over spring break, I think it would have started sooner than now if I were knocked up.” 
“Right,” he nodded, looking relieved. “Right…” 
“I just picked up a stomach bug at the airport,” you sighed. “Make sure you and Sarah wash your hands a TON, they’re nasty little fuckers…” 
You totally lost your appetite and a fever showed up that afternoon. Joel refused to keep his distance, sending Sarah to stay with Lizzy while he brought you a steady stream of Jell-o, chicken broth and popsicles. 
“You’re going to get yourself sick,” you said the second night you felt like crap. You were lying on your side, Joel wrapped around you, his broad shoulders enveloping you, his hand splayed over your stomach. 
“Don’t care,” he kissed the crown of your head. “Need you at least this close. You’re too fuckin’ far away all the time, not going to let a little stomach flu keep me from touchin’ you while I can.” 
You weren’t noble enough to fight him on it. You had nasty stomach cramps all day on top of everything else. Being held by Joel was about the only thing that made you feel better.
It was about four in the morning when the feeling in your stomach went from cramps to sharp, stabbing pain. It jerked you out of a sound sleep, your hand flying behind you to Joel’s hip, your nails digging into him as you fought to breathe through the agony of it. 
“Baby?” Joel’s voice was thick with sleep. “What’s goin’ on, you OK? Need somethin’?” 
“I think I need to go to the hospital,” you managed through gritted teeth. “I don’t think this is a stomach bug, I think it’s appendicitis…” 
Joel was wide awake then, rushing to put on a shirt and helping you sit up in bed. You winced as you moved, gritting your teeth, the pain sharp. 
“Hold on, Baby,” Joel tucked an arm below your knees and the other around your ribs, tugging you to his side. “I’ve got you…” 
He lifted you off the bed and carried you down the stairs as gently as he could, cradling your feverish body to his chest. He lowered you gingerly into the passenger seat of his truck and buckled you in before he drove to the hospital, going at least 10 over the speed limit the whole way. 
Joel paced the whole time you sat in the ER, going up to talk to someone at the nurses’ station every five minutes until they got you back to be evaluated. 
“Oh,” the doctor said as she looked at your stomach on an ultrasound. “We need to get you back now. Right now. This looks like it’s about to rupture.” 
“Shit,” Joel paced, like a caged animal. The second the doctor left to go arrange emergency surgery, he took your hand, holding it tight. 
“Baby,” you said, voice calm. “It’s an easy surgery, it hardly even counts as surgery, you don’t need to be worried…” 
“They were ready to leave you in the damn waiting room all day,” he frowned. “Then what would have happened?” 
“The surgeon would have had a harder job,” you said. “Joel, hon, it’s fine.” 
He was like that until they took you back for surgery, glaring at doctors and nurses as they whisked you away. 
When you woke up a few hours later, he was there, bouquet of daisies in his hands and a relieved smile on his face. 
“Do me a favor and try real hard to not scare me like that again,” he said, brushing your hair back from your face. 
“I’ll try my best,” you smiled a little. 
But ever since, he’d stuck close by.
“You know,” you said, looking up at him, poking at your Blizzard with the long, red spoon. “I was thinking…” 
“Always dangerous when it comes to you,” he said. You glared at him. 
“Anyway,” you said. “I was thinking… I should probably start doing a bit more. It’s been a few days, I’m feeling pretty good…” 
“Baby,” he sighed. 
“Come on,” you pouted a little. “I’m getting restless.” 
He sighed again. 
“What were you thinkin’?” 
You smiled. 
“Nothing crazy,” you said. “Just… could we do BBQ for dinner? Maybe try to go see a movie tomorrow? We haven’t made it to Men in Black II yet and Sarah really liked the first one…” 
“How about we start with the BBQ and see how you’re doin’ in the morning,” he kissed your temple. “Not gonna let you push it…” 
Joel made sure you had plenty of water and a book before he and Sarah went to pick up dinner, giving you a lingering kiss on your forehead as he left. 
They came home with enough BBQ to feed a small army and made you a plate with brisket and Mac and cheese, your favorites. But they also picked up Men in Black from Blockbuster, along with an ample supply of Mike and Ikes, popcorn and Sno-Caps. While you were getting cleaned up in the bathroom, Joel and Sarah set up the bed with three tray tables and a nest of pillows big enough for all of you to recline and watch the movie. He even lit a candle - lavender scented - on the nightstand. 
“Joel!” You gaped at him. “What’s all this?” 
“Figured we can do it up right,” he said, tucking you into bed and setting the tray table over your legs. 
The three of you had dinner and cuddled close in bed, laughing at Will Smith getting thrown around by aliens. Sarah fell asleep, her head against your shoulder. Joel put on When Harry Met Sally once the first movie ended. 
“I’m sorry this trip has been such a bust,” you said softly as he ran one hand gently up and down your arm. 
He frowned. 
“What are you talkin’ about?” He asked. “Hasn’t been a bust. You know how grateful I am this happened when you were here and not all the way in New York? How glad I am that I got to be the one to take care of you? I’d have been fuckin’ terrified, you all the way up there with just your grandmother to look after you, somethin’ like this happens. Besides, I’ve gotten to spend a week laying around in bed with my girls, not arguin’ with that.” 
You smiled a little. 
“Still,” you said. “Think we should try for the movie tomorrow. Not sure Sarah’s soaps are quite my speed.” 
“If you’re up for it,” he kissed your temple. “But if you need another day or two of rest, don’t fight it. Just let me look after my girl, OK?” 
You closed your eyes, content. 
“OK.” 
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this little drabble of Joel being all soft and caring! It was really fun to write him being all fluffy and worried.
For those wanting some insight into who they're talking about at the beginning, I give you Sonny Corinthos from General Hospital:
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And Jason Morgan from General Hospital:
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You know. For science.
I'm going to go ahead and tag the usual Lavender crowd here. I hope that's OK!!! I'm sorry if it's not and I hope it's not too annoying!
Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings@arizonadaydreamer@mumma-moonchild@blackroseguzzi@candypeaches16@kittenlittle24@wrappedinfiction@oatmeaiboy@pedritosdarling@winchestergypsy90@imnotdatboii @lalalalemonade11 @maknimuk1@mrsdarcyinlovewithbuckybarnes@pedrosaidsheispunk@commanderawkward@n7cje@elliesgirlll@tsunamistorm123@spookyxsam@leeeesahhh @anoverwhelmingdin @untamedheart81 @pedropascalfan221 @pedr0swh0r3 @pedrobae@fifia-writes@fatima-marisa @acf2023 @1soff@encephalitiskat
Thank you so much for reading and being here! Love you all!
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jellogram · 1 year
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Underrated Horror Movies
Horror movies I've seen that I think are underrated and/or deserve more attention in online horror spaces. Watch these if you want to get outside the common recommendations. Pinning this so I can find it again for my own reference and will continue to update and add more.
In no particular order, including all genres and time periods. Some are on this list because they're genuinely good and others are just a really fun ride.
Teeth (2007)
The Invitation (2015)
The Night House (2020)
Pieces (1982)
The Platform (2019)
The Stepfather (1987)
The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)
Rabbits (2002)
Happy Death Day (2017)
The Boy (2016)
Coherence (2013)
They Look Like People (2015)
You're Next (2011)
Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
Häxan (1922)
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
Black Christmas (1974)
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Unfriended (2014)
Ready or Not (2019)
Frankenhooker (1990)
Halloween (2007)
Haunt (2019)
Till Death (2021)
One Hour Photo (2002)
Talk to Me (2023)
American Mary (2012)
The Man Who Laughs (1928)
May (2002)
Jack's Back (1988)
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