#kinda like Amnesia Rules i guess

[shaylai]

That's not who he is anymore, Macaque.

[snivyartjpeg]

space dandy is one of my favorite anime ever so here's a real self indulgent rain code au where the detectives are space bounty hunters and shinigami is yuma's horrible alien parasite

(lore + spoilers below)(it's a lot so warning for that lol)

so like space mercs and bounty hunters are a classic right? imagine there is a whole ranking system on these guys ran by the intergalactic united government, and there's one guy who's the best in the business: a professional bounty hunter who has no name. he simply responds to his ranking- number one.

he carries out his work anonymously, his face only known by very few elites. born and raised to kill, he's really got no other identity to him.

he's never been fit for close combat, so he excels in stealth and marksmanship, as well as using his little genius mind to macgyver his way out of most situations

well eventually number one gets a little too cocky and gets fatally wounded on a mission. as he's dying, he hears the voice of an alien parasite who goes by shinigami. she's close to death as well without a proper host, so she proposes a deal: she takes over his body, and he gets to live. desperate to survive, he accepts, but the shock of her takeover knocks him unconscious and gives him amnesia.

by the way, shinigami works a lot like venom- she gives him super powers but also she does get hungry. yuma ends up letting her devour (read: she takes over his body and makes him devour) any hunted targets they kill.

anyway, now wholly dependent on her as a guide and life support system, number one manages to escape the planet he nearly died on and reach a trade center to find help. however, once he gets there, he is immediately chased by other bounty hunters and police. while running, he catches sight of a wanted poster, featuring someone with a face that looks just like his...

he finds what he thinks is an old abandoned ship to hide in, but turns out this worn down hunk of metal is inhabited by a man named yakou furio and his band of misfit outlaws that are also hiding from the fuzz. they have a big panic upon meeting, but all calm down and ask their newest guest how he got here. after giving his long winded explanation, number one gets accepted into the crew, and they name him yuma, after fubuki endearingly mispronounced the term U.M.A. (Unidentified Monstrous Animal, the thing the crew initially mistook yuma for).

the nda are all different types of aliens too! yakou is of a carnivorous race from a planet that's always raining. desuhiko is from a shapeshifting race of aliens that often blend into other planet populations. fubuki is a 4th dimensional time being, encased in a robotic body so she can interact with the lower plane creatures. halara is basically a furry from a planet ruled by anthropomorphic mammals (they look like some sort of gray fox). and vivia is like danny phantom- a guy who only half died thanks to a wormhole warp accident, so he can travel between spiritual and physical planes and cause anomalies. they've all got their own crimes and past, but they're all good people. will i ever draw them? hopefully someday!

anyway, this kinda plays out like a humorous, episodic show in which the crew go on odd jobs and missions to scrape by, all while trying to not get hunted as bounty targets. eventually things would get intense when they get attacked by a huge ship that's manned by a masked man... and this masked man seems to have it out for yuma, specifically. who is he? why is he attacking? whatever will this band of misfits do?!

i guess we'll have to find out next episode...

(or you can send any asks about this au. i WILL infodump abt it)

[synergysilhouette]

Making Netflix's ATLA an AU instead of a strict remake: some changes I'd make to Book 1

It's my personal opinion that since ATLA was great as-is, it didn't need a remake (even if it is underrated). But if Netflix was gonna make one anyway, I'd prefer they made it an AU and make significant changes without marketing this as "this is exactly like the show you enjoyed as kids/teens." (Note: Possibly controversial changes below)

Sexism against male waterbenders because of Kuruk--Due to what is viewed as a "failure" on Kuruk's part to properly manage his duties as avatar and his spiritual corruption, male waterbenders are believed to lack the necessarily gentleness and spirituality in order to bend properly, with combat or healing. Given how Harun was removed (at least from season 1), he could've been rewritten as a waterbender here, with Pakku as his uncle, who still holds onto tradition, even if it holds him back. Due to being male AND the Avatar, Aang isn't taught waterbending at the North Pole while Katarra is, and she teaches Aang in secret with Pakku's help, which inspires Harun to learn as well. Eventually when he's found out, he and Harun are banished from the tribe (because beliefs can't be changed in a day or two). The sexism also fuels Sokka's inferiority complex; while male waterbenders are seen as lacking control, Sokka's lack of bending at all is seen as a loss of water tribe culture in the south and since the north has much more waterbenders, his role as a non-bending warrior is kind of reduced.

More focus on the Water Tribe--The idea is supposed to be that waterbenders were wiped out, but I do like the idea that we still explore aspects of Water Tribe culture, as well as making the territory larger. Given the fact that most of book 1 takes place in different regions and the Netflix remake kinda condensed things, I do want more episodes to take place in WT territory. Kyoshi Island for example is an EK territory, but is also close to the Southern Air Temple and the Southern Water Tribe, so their culture could be shown as more mixed, maybe even with some hidden waterbenders there. Another (albeit controversial) idea could be introducing Bumi in book 2 before introducing Toph, given that Omashu and Gaoling aren't super far from Each other. We could also introduce Hama here to share more of the SWT culture and introduce the concept of bloodbending much earlier so it's a conflict for Katara throughout the whole series. Perhaps maybe even adapt "The Swamp" episode in this season, since I'm not entirely sure it'll be made in the next season.

Ozai's psychology is explored more--In both the OG show and the remake, he's presented as the pinnacle of evil at a first glance, but that's not completely true. Just like everyone else, he's complex, with his evil being brought about by his upbringing. He isn't trying to rule just because; he truly sees it as his divine right, which makes his persuasiveness that much more powerful. He isn't quite as aggressive as other fire nation antagonists and relies more on his manipulation and charisma. As such, he's good and making people fear him, love him, and second-guess themselves. The remake had Zhao and Azula take him for a joke, tbh, so that would need to be fixed. I'd also make him more acrobatic and agile like Azula rather than just a hard-hitter, and he essentially tells Zuko the half-truth of Ursa's banishment, making it seemed like she killed Azulon and was planning on killing Ozai and Iroh next so that she could have the throne. In reality, Azulon died of natural causes, but Ozai made it appear as though he was murdered in order to frame Ursa. When she confronted him, he banished her and told her to stay gone in order to stop influencing their children. In fact, keeping with her storyline in the comics, Ursa does change her appearance, and Zuko meets with her several times throughout the series (removing the amnesia stuff here).

Lu Ten is alive (for a while)--Something I'd enjoy seeing for a minute would be evil Iroh. Let's say Ozai managed to best him in an agni kai for the throne (inspiring Zuko to do this with Azula later on), and Iroh volunteers to go with Zuko on his journey with the hopes of turning him against his father. With time, he develops affection for his nephew and becomes a better father than Ozai was. He believes Lu Ten won't be a threat to Ozai since he now has the throne, but Ozai sends him to help with the Siege of Ba Sing Se, where he ultimately loses his life. This puts Iroh at the crossroads of destiny like Zuko, but he chooses to defend Team Avatar instead. During his imprisonment in the Fire Nation, Iroh tries to calm the turmoil in Zuko's heart, which confuses Zuko due to Iroh's previous speeches and proverbs about power and triumph over his enemies. And I'd also make a rather odd change: both Lu Ten and Iroh are skilled in chi blocking. I definitely feel like Iroh would be well-versed in the art and teach it to his son.

More emphasis on Avatar Roku and Sozin's friendship. Seeing how Roku is Aang's past life and his friendship with Sozin was part of what led to the Hundred Year War, it should definitely take more precedence outside of book 3.

Iroh is Aang's first firebending teacher--This is super weird, I know, but if we're not gonna have Jeong Jeong, I like the idea that while evil (at first), Iroh is still super wise, and does give Aang a few tips on firebending, which he tries on his own, but lacking guidance he burns Katara (or Sokka; it'd feed into his insecurities as a non-bender if he gets hurt and Katara heals him).

Sokka/Zuko and Katara/Azula rivalry--I remember a video once explaining how Sokka and Katara are parallels of Zuko and Azula, given that their mom was gone at an early age and their father influenced them greatly. The big brother wants his father's love and is insecure, while the little sister seems more powerful and has issues regarding her mom. The big difference is that Ozai was a manipulative father while Hakoda was compassionate. In my revision, Zuko wouldn't take Sokka seriously at first since he's a non-bender, highlighting Sokka's concern of being useless, and his growth would make Zuko feel more insecure in turn. Eventually when Zuko joins the team, they often work together. Azula is rational and a prodigy while Katara is emotional and still learning, but Katara gains confidence while Azula loses it. Just like Zuko, Katara sees it as her mission to stop Azula and sees the pain she goes through. I would also gives Azula a bit more frustrated moments to highlight her youth; a lot of people say she's beyond redemption despite only being 14 and the victim of growing up in an emotionally abusive environment.

[allwormdiet]

Interlude 5

What the hell kinda cape name is Gregor the Snail, anyhow

Man. That's gotta fucking suck that you can't even go get toothpaste or whatever without having to deal with the whole world singling you out for your appearance

Who the fuck blackmails the parahuman they're running errands for, that guy is stupid

Wow, that's. Actually I don't hate this way of talking about fat people being looked down on. Like it sucks that it happens obviously, but it does happen, and the fact that people feel uncomfortable talking about Gregor as a mutant or whatever but feel no shame in mocking him as fat is. Telling.

And it's a shame anyone has to put up with that, much less get used to it like Gregor has.

This rules actually. Get bent, assholes

Little odd to see Newter as like. A teenager who's letting people get blasted on his hallucinogenic body. Not sure what's going on there, but as long as nobody's getting hurt?

Chevalier I get, knight imagery is a classic for superheroes, but what's being referenced with Myrddin?

...Okay I checked Wikipedia and I guess Myrddin was a mad Welsh prophet and some kinda forerunner to Merlin. So is the hero Myrddin a precognitive, or does he have a wizard aesthetic going on but thought calling himself Merlin was somehow too basic?

Questions for later

Okay so he's letting people pay him to trip out on his saliva. Weird, but. Sure.

Man, that's gotta fucking suck.

Poor Elle :(

I totally forgot that "the place" was actually addressed in the interlude. Still easy money it comes up again at some point. Parahuman asylum? Something's going down there.

Interesting that she's trying to bypass the Manton effect. Even more interesting that it's technically possible to do so, but nobody understands how. Power research must be a really frustrating field to work in, huh

Fucking wild that Gregor just decided to do this and Faultline's not even pissed off about it. That's the mark of a good team, I think, or a scarily unhealthy one. Either way.

So here we have the first hints of a conspiratorial organization that sells superpowers and turns people into amnesiac monsters.

Except now they're getting better at not doing the monster part but keeping the amnesia in.

Jesus fucking Christ this is nuts, though

Concluding Thoughts

So this is Cauldron, right? As mentioned before my pre-existing knowledge of Worm is patchwork but I know Cauldron is a secret organization mucking around with power stuff and I'd be shocked if there was two of them, that'd be crazy redundant.

Which then leaves me wondering what the hell they're doing that means they're selling off superpowers. Like, that's fucking nuts. The power of demigods on tap and you use it to get rich? That's so. Prosaic.

I do like Gregor, though, much as this interlude was meant to introduce probably-Cauldron and give us insight into another Brockton Bay team, he's got an interesting perspective as the result of a unique position in the world. Even alongside other "monster capes" he stands out as different.

...I hope Newter isn't doing anything scummy when people are tranced out, I like him and I would prefer to keep liking him.

Anyway. Wrapping up Arc 5 on the next post

[stuckonmain]

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

  Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house 

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

  Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised. 

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You: 

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You: 

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

  You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

  Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

  “Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

  He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

  “Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

  You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

   “I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

  He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

  “You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

  “Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

  “Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

  He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

  “...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

  “That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

  Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

  “Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

  Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

  “Yeah.” 

  “Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

  “We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.” 

  You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears. 

  Raph shook his head. “No.”

  “Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.” 

  “Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

  “Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

  You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

  “What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

  “Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

  “They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

  “Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’. 

  It just felt so real.

  “C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

  Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

  Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his. 

  But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

  “Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

  “It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

  “Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

  You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box. 

  He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’. 

  You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

  “Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

  “I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged. 

  “...Wait, really?”

  “S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

  He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

  “And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

  “Chompy?”

  You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob. 

  Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

  “An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

  “Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

  Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

  “How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

  “Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

  “What?!”

  “He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.” 

  “Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral. 

  You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

  Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

  Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

  Nice.

***

Day 1.

  Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice. 

  But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

  His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating. 

  You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

  And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought. 

  Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore. 

  Fuck. 

  “I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face. 

  He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow. 

  “I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

  “Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

  Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

  “Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

  “I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

  “Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

  “What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

  “...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

  “Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder. 

  “Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

  Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

  “Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

  “Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

  “Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling. 

  “Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

  “Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.” 

  “...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

  “You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

  “Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

  “Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

  “Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

  You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

  “Sure. Knock yourself out.” 

  You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

  “Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

  A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

  Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

  Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

  “Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

  “So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

  “Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.” 

  “So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

  “Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

  “...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

  Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

  You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

  “Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’  masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

  “So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed. 

  “Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered. 

  Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried. 

  This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

  And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

  “Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

  “April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

  “He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms. 

  “Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes. 

  “Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

  “Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

  “I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

  Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

  “Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

  You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again. 

  “It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

  Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

  “I miss  them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…” 

  They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant. 

  That they might be dead. 

  Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

  Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

  Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

  That was always what he remembered first. 

  Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

  He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

  Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

  “No, but do I have any other option?!”

  “...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

  “I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

  Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with. 

  Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

  He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once. 

  He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

  He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

  The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

  Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’. 

  He looked at the next picture. Venus again. 

  There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

  No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box. 

  “Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise. 

  “Dammit, you’re awake?!”

  “Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

  “Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly. 

  “...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

  “I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

  “...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

  “...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

  Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

  Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

  “Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

  Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

  “No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged. 

  “Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

  “Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

  Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

  Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.” 

  “Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?! 

  Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

  Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

  “G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

  Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

  “How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

  “I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

  “Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

  “Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

  “Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

  “Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

  “How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

  Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.”   “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

  Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

  “I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

  “Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

  “Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

  You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

  “We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back. 

  “Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

  “Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

  “So just the usual things then…shelter. What’re we gonna do about shelter?”

  “Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

  “I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

  Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

  “Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

  “Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

  “Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

  You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

  “I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

  Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys.  You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

  You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

  “Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

  Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

  “Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

  “...No it was not.” Raph sighed. 

***

  “D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

  “Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

  “Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

  Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

  “Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

  “Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

  “Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

  “...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

  You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

  “Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

  “Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

  “What the hell is a lifestraw?”

  “It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

  “You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

  “I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

  “What the hell is jargon?”

  “Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

  “Shit, we did that?”

  “Yeah. It was charming.”

***

  “(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

  You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

  “Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

  You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

  Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

  You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

  Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

  Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

  He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

  “Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

  “No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

  You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

  “-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

  You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

  “Great.” Raph replied.

  It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

  Well. Well that was an interesting development. 

  Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

  Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

  And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing… 

  Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

  Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason. 

  He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

  Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes. 

  He looked tired.

  “Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

  “Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

  Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

  An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural. 

  “...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

  Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

  “...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

  “Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

  “Yes, I can.” 

  You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

  “Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

  “Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

  “Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don���t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

  “Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

  “Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

  “That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

  Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

  But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

  Raph glared at the wall.

  The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

  The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

  “AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

  “You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

  “Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

  You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

  “Oh…did you…”

  “Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

  “Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

  He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

  You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

  “The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

  “The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.” 

  “Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

  You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

  “...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

  “Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

  “...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

  “No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

  “It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

  You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

  “Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

  You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

  “I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

  You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead. 

  “Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

  “Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

  “...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

  You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

  “We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

  “Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”   

  “What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

  “I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

  “Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

  You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

  He gestured for you to go ahead.

  You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

  Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

  …Also…what was with the hand? 

  Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

  You blinked.

  He blinked.

  “Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

  “Oh, was I supposed to-”

  “-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

  “-Weird. You guys are weird.”

  “You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

  Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

  “Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

  “Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

  “Cool.” You said softly.

  You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving. 

  Like leaving leaving. 

  It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

  There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

  And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

  Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

  By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope. 

  Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger. 

  You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times. 

  Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with. 

  He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

  You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

  “So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires. 

  “...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car. 

  And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

  “Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

  “Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

  “And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

  “What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

  "Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

  “...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

  “...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

  By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

  Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

  As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.  

  Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

  Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you. 

  New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it. 

  Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh. 

  “So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

  “Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

  You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

  Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

  “Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

  Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound. 

  “Ugh, must you do that?”

  “It tastes good.” He said innocently.

  “Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

  You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

  Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

  At least you were with your best friends. 

  Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

  Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

  And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

  Everything was not entirely alright.

  The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

  “Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

   The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

  The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief. 

  “Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

  You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

  With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

  “Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

  “How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

  “I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

  You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

  “Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

  “Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

  “...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

  “Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister. 

  “Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

  “You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

  “Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

  “Who’s bigfoot?”

  “This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

  “(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

  Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

  “Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

  “Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

  “Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

  “What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

  “Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

  “Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

  “Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

  “So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously. 

  “Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

  “Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

  “Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

  “See, lookit this-” 

  “Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

  You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

  “...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

  Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

  “Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

  Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs,  staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

  Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

  Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

  “Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one  is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

  Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

  “Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

  “Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

  This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

  “Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

  “Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

  “Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror. 

    It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

  For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise. 

  But alas, it was the end of the world.

  So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

  You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

  Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria. 

  Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

  But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien. 

  It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion  so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

  Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

  Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

  “AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

  “Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

  “Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up. 

  Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

  “AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

  “Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

  “Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

  “Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

  “Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms. 

  See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

  It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

  Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

  “You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

  He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

  “...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

  “I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

  You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

  You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

  Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

  “BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

  “Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

  Raph had brothers?

  …No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

  He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

  The robot stepped back.

  Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

  The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

  Donatello.

  Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

  “Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?” 

  “RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

  “Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

  “Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

  Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

  Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

  “So…not great?” You frowned.

  “Not great.” He confirmed.

  “Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched. 

  This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

  Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

  Raph had forgotten him again. 

  Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you. 

  And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different. 

  His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

  “Hey.” They said glumly.

  “Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

  “I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly. 

  Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

  “I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

  “Me too.” 

  “Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

  God, they missed Casey and April.

  You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

  “So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

  “Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort. 

  “Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head. 

  “Yeah…very true.” You smiled. 

  “What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

  You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

  “Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

  “Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

 “Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

  “Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

  You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

  “Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

  Day 35.

  “What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

  “Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders.  It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

  “But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

  “Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

  “What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

  “Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

  “I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

  “Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful,  fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

  “...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

  “Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

  He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

  You groaned. 

***

  You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

  You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

  Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

  You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

  Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’. 

  He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays. 

  After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be. 

  That was the Old World. 

  In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little. 

  (Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

  (Meh, probably.)

  He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling. 

  “Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

  Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

  “How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

  “...Tired.” He grunted.

  “Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens. 

  “Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

  “Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile. 

  “Freezing.” Raph nodded. 

  “Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

  Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

  “Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

  “Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

  You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

  “This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

  “Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

  Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

  “But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

  He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai. 

  You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

  He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

  “Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

  And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

  Oh god, he remembered you. 

  How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

  “I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

  “W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

  “(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

  Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

  He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

  “I remember you!” He exclaimed. 

  You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

  “I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline. 

  “Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

  “Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

  “Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

  “Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

  You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

  And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

  “Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

  “(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

  You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

  Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

  “Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

  “Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

  “Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

  Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

  “Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

  “Yeah.” Raph grunted.

  “So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

  “Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey  smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

  “Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

  “How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

  “Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

  “Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

  “C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

  “I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

  “Woah, how’d that happen?”

  “Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

  “Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

  Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

  “So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

  “Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

  But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same. 

  “Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

  “Thanks guys.” You beamed.

  You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

  Raph couldn’t help but smile too. 

***

  When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming. 

  But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

  So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

  “Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

  “‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

  “You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!” 

  You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

  Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

  “D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

  Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

  “Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

  “It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly. 

  Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

  You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

  (It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.) 

  “I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

  “Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

  You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

  “Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

  You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

  But hey, Raph had a point. 

  At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

  At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

[minorfamilysupremacy]

Not an ask I just want to thank you because like most of us, I am also a grown adult who often can't keep updated on most things and honestly hearing that Bible is acting childish ..kinda makes sense and also I too am pissed off and over BOC

this post is for the handful of anons in my inbox and also @claudiasharon, who wanted to know what the fuck is going on:

while you're most assuredly welcome, i want to be clear that whenever i post about this shit, i am not enjoying the callout aspect of it. callout posts got us into the original mess and as a general rule, i loathe them. i'm just a hurt and furious former stan who got taken for a ride by several shitheads, and bible scrambling to revise history like we all got collective amnesia or are too fucking stupid to remember things that happened all of two years ago makes me even angrier.

his most recent claim, in an interview that hasn't been released yet -- only the promo is out -- is this (subtitles are in the promo, not fan-translated):

yes, everyone, as usual, bible is the true victim, and fucking pond even moreso, despite the fact that BOC has since produced a reality show, a movie, and two television shows (as well as one they made and then just never released, i guess? sorry wuju), and bible himself had 50 engagements the year build's career went to hell. it's a wonder he can do the interview with the boss' boot shoved so far down his throat, in all honesty.

he is also making up sob stories, complete with crocodile tears, about growing up poor (he grew up rich and went to an international school) and almost failing at his dream and letting the family down (he admittedly struggled with acting, but was a working model and studying engineering, an extremely lucrative field, so it's not like the family would have starved without KP).

it is insane how obtuse, callous, and audacious this fucking shit is. first off, we have eyes. we saw your fucking interviews and your quotes and the parasocial dweebs on twitter probably have your five-year record of bowel movements timed to the second. (of course, my information is coming from parasocial dweebs on twitter, so.) secondly, what the literal fuck is wrong with you? are you really looking at the guy who got his career destroyed, almost driven to suicide, had years' worth of dirty laundry leaked at a deliberately-slow trickle to instill maximum damage, and going, 'well, actually, pond and i had it worse :('

pond chose to sit and wring his hands uselessly over a situation he could have prevented in the first place had he banned sucking and fucking between coworkers at the outset. you continue to flap your jaws ceaselessly and try to rewrite history -- 'nuh uh! i NEVER cared about build!' -- like the internet isn't forever and a whole hell of a lot of people can't pull receipts at the drop of a hat. you are an unprofessional, mean-spirited, heartless, dishonest, unbelievably noxious cunt masquerading as a human being. you continue baiting the bear that is social media and then whining when the bear takes your arm off. both of you SHUT THE FUCK UP about build. SHUT THE FUCK UP. he is out of your lives. he is doing nothing to you. he has not mentioned your fucking name once since he apologized for the last set of leaks, while you have been spiraling into the image of a middle-aged dad who's been divorced since 2013 but still can't get over how his bitch ex-wife wronged him.

and even without build in the picture, you come off like a spoiled little brat. when your heinous show finished (and thank god it has), the first thing you did was run to social media to bitch about the ending and how much you hated it. couldn't even be professional for five fucking minutes, huh? you think you're some kind of golden god because you're the boss' current fave and you're sleeping with his niece on the DL? (by the way, homie, your subterfuge with that one is about as well-kept a secret as harvey weinstein was. we all know you're fucking and have been for ages.)

newsflash, shitbag! pond cares about you inasmuch as you're of utility to him! as long as you behave yourself and playact as his personal propaganda machine, then you're fine, but do you really think that the second he so much as sniffs a hint of liability on you that he won't drop you like a hot potato? i, for one, fucking hope he does and soon, because watching someone who was once heralded as one of the brightest new talents in BL prostitute themselves for the whims of a greedy, lying narcissist and torch mountains of international goodwill in favor of making a career as a professional victim makes my stomach turn. if you ever take a mike's hard look at yourself and realize what a chump you've been played for, i hope it fucking hurts you like watching you play us for chumps for so long did to us as a fanbase. but i sincerely doubt you will ever wise up, because isn't it more lucrative and convenient to be a soulless ghoul and not have to take accountability for being an asshole?

eat shit, dude. i hope when the ship finally goes down and pond's tied you to the mast, that it was all worth it.

[trans-mephisto]

Two asks in a row to make up me suddenly dropping off the face of the earth for some time. Yet again this is a question concerning my most beloved blonde bastard, Arthur. How, in your opinion, would Arthur have grown up and acted if he remembered Section 13. Everything else is the same in terms of worldbuilding and backstory. Do you think the Uzais still would've taken him in knowing that he was fully aware of everything done during Section 13 ? Arthur ^wasn't the choosen exwire of his batch since he was in that playroom thingy when the Blue Night went off instead of outside or training like Shiro would have at 15. Would Shiro have taken him in since they are both clones ? Would he still become paladin ? Would he even want to be the paladin, let alone an exorcist ? Would he still hate demons and stick to the rules like canon him did or would he have been more relaxed ? And most importantly, would he still have hated Rin so much ? The main reason he despises him so in canon was bc Arthur thought demons murdered his family and Satan then destroyed the Asylum and caused his amnesia. If he remembered Section 13 he wouldn't have these reasons to hate Rin. If we go with the REALLY fucked up way of things Arthur could even be more open to Rin bc of Satan technically saving Arthur from Section 13 by destroying it. I can imagine a LOT of resentment on Arthur's part for the Order, and since he had no friends from the Order like Shiro I doubt there's anyone to mediate/mellow it out. Everything above ofcourse goes off the assumption that Arthur stayed with True Cross instead of just running off and going AWOL (or god forbid, join the Illuminate or any other enemy of the Order inorder to get revenge for what was done to him)

It's fine! I've been mostly posting on my main blog anyways. But let's see

I personally think he would end up like Shiro? Not personality wise, just how his life would be. Which is basically still being held onto by the Order even if he was "free", since he's obviously a more powerful and stable clone compared to the rest. Not sure if he'd be Paladin, but seeing as Shiro was and still knew about everything going on chances are he still would get appointed that position

Personality wise, I see him being far less happy and open with people. He'd know he's not normal, that he has always had nothing, so he'd probably just be rather uncaring about the world. Ironically, this would make him more mentally stable than he is currently I think lol, so because of that I imagine he'd be less likely to be manipulated and the Uzais wouldn't really have use for him since it seems he was taken in to be shaped into a vessel for Lucifer anyhow

I don't think he'd hate Rin but he'd probably be more cruel than he already is, much like how Shiro was and we see this with a lot of the exorcists in the blue night arc in the past, he'd probably know there really is nothing outside of being an exorcist for him, that any chances at a normal life just probably wouldn't be for him

Honestly I feel like he'd go from a tragic character to being more of a cold "villain", I guess. Not saying there wouldn't be any hope for redeeming him but it'd probably be more difficult if nothing was hidden from him and he knew everything and serving the Order was all he had. Maybe he'd still be friends with Lightning though? I'd have to think on that scenario

I hope my response makes sense, I'm kinda tired atm so I'm not sure if what I'm saying is comprehensive lol

Thanks for the ask though!!

[rainbowxocs]

TW: SEVERE CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT.

Remember: Daisy loves you!!

Name: Daisy, Daisy, Bell!

Alt Name: Ana Liddell.

Old Patient Number: Patient 101. :)

Username: @daisydaisyanswer FRIEND ME ON ROBLOX XD

Old Special Titles: Puppet.

Nicknames: Daisy Mayzie, Monster, Eve, Your Best Friend, Real Ana , False God, False Prophet, Bad Seed, Simulacra, Lost Soul, Doll, Apple, error: 1 14 1, My Lady, Lord Daisy, Queen Daisy, Princess Daisy, Our Star, Nobody, Scapegoat, Sacrificial Lamb, Black Sheep.

Age: 25!!

Pronouns: She/They!

Sexuality: Lesbian!

Gender: Glitchgender, Lostgender!

Species: Unstable Hybrid.

Hybrid Information: Nephilim 33%, Litch 33%, Simulacra 33%.

Disorders: CPTSD, BPD, Insomnia, Autism, Pathological Lying OCD, Chronically Online (Literally), Suicide Ideation, Night Terrors, Dissociative Amnesia, Maladaptive Daydreaming.

Physical Conditions: Chronic Pain, Migraines, Data Rot.

Religion: It’s kinda weird for a god to have a religion no? I am the religion. XD.

Job: I guess you could say I’m a game developer XD.

Lives in: Hmm depends.. Sometimes I’m in my original house.. sometimes Floor 1, Section 1. Floor 9, Section 3, Subsection 1. But Irl I live in Wisconsin XD.

Speaks: English, Fae, Demonic, Angelic, Morse Code, Ciphers, Wing Dings, Leet Speak.

Height: 5’8”

Race: White.

Spirit Level: Acceptance.

Powers: Reality Manipulation, Plant Magic, Teleportation, Technology Manipulation, Hypnosis, Creation Magic, Ice/Snow Magic, "Resetting", Glitching, General Video Game Logic, Generation Loss, Computer Viruses, Banishment, Super Hearing, Divination, Flying, Star/Galaxy Magic.

Weapons: Knives, Swords.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral.

Text Color: Pink!!!!

Hobbies: Painting, Gardening, Sewing, Singing, Sculpting, Writing, Doll Creating, Playing Pretend, Video Games, Lost Media, Xylophone, Piano.

Diet: Can eat normal human food, but due to her condition has to eat.. unconventional… animals.. occasionally…

Favorite Drink: Almond Water, Bloxy Cola, BSODA, Sleepytime Tea, Witches Brew, Grimace Shake, Grape Juice, Apple Juice.

Favorite Meal: Musubi, Bacon Soup, Cheeseburger, Sour Dough Bread, Pepperoni Pizza.

Favorite Snacks: Potato Chips, Zesty Bars, Apples, Popcorn, Flintstones Vitamins, Communion Wafers.

Favorite Candy: Bubble Gum, Gummy Bears, Halloween Candy, Chocolate Coins, Peeps.

Favorite Dessert: Black Forest Cake, Butterscotch Cinnamon Pie, Turkish Delights, Chocolate & Strawberry Icecream, Apple Pie.

Favorite Flower: Daisies.

Scent: Old TV, Decaying Earth, Plastic, Strawberry Shortcake Dolls.

Handedness: Ambidextrous.

Blood Color: Glittery Pink, Sometimes Red, Sometimes Static.

Birthday: December 20th 1999! (I am a Sagittarius!!)

Theme:

Playlist:

Fun Fact: I LOVE YOU!!!

Special Interest: It’s y o u hehehe. :) I also like Roblox and the Internet, and Veggietales!!!

Comfort Objects: Dolly, Teddy, Ducky, Gloomy Bear, Freddy Plush, Imac G3, Fuggler, Flip Phone, IBook G3, Idog, Furby, Weighted Companion Cube, Balloon, Tamagotchi.

Stims: Does a lot of computer based stims. Like resetting herself, using her generation loss power, buffering. She also likes to control things with her powers, and play with her comfort objects, also has a collection of fidget spinners.

Soul: Wrinkled Pink Mushroom

Stimboard: LINK

Moodboard: LINK

Fashionboard: LINK

Models: LINK

Renders:

(This Render was created by Zack Sinner on Roblox!)

Her Minecraft Skin: [picture soon]

Family Tree!!!:

Camilla Liddell. (My mother… I don’t know how to feel about her..)

The Cultivator. (My… Dad…? It feels weird to call him that now… after everything that happened..)

Cosmo Bell (MY REAL DAD!!)

Radio (My Adoptive Dad!)

Ana ThoroughGood. (She’s, my twin I guess… If you could even call her that.)

Friends: You! :) and Mouse!

Crush!!!!!: Eyeris Cataract (I likkkeee her. Hehe~)

Pets: Mel! (Brown, Three Eyed Cat.)

Bread!!! (Pink Patterned Wobbledog with Two Heads and a Tail.)

Unihorsey (Purple Unicorn with a Rainbow Mane and Horn.)

John! (Green Frog.)

Brief Personality: Daisy is quite odd, She seems to act like a teenager from the early 2000s, and because of that a lot of her language is incomprehensible. She is quite possessive and controlling, she was so used to being in control of every little part of her world that now that she is in the real world she has no clue how to handle it. She is trying to be normal and likable so much that it’s almost to her detriment. However she is very sweet when her thoughts don’t consume her.

Brief Backstory:

If you were to ask Daisy what her past was like, you would only get bits and fragments. She would rather bury the past than to dwell on it too much. But, A long time ago, in a place far far away. A little girl named Ana was born. Ana was born out of wedlock to her mother Camilla and an unknown father to both Ana and Camilla.

The two of them lived in a small rural town, mostly made up with farms, a church, and a few mom and pop shops around. Ana however, didn’t know about all of that. Camilla hid her pregnancy from her family and friends, and ended up moving a little ways out of town to a cabin in the woods. This is where Ana grew up for the rest of her life.

Camilla, in order to hide the child and not cause herself to be ostracized by her community: locked Ana inside the house. Ana was not allowed to go outside or go to school or do much of anything. Ana spent most of her childhood trapped in her room, as going anywhere outside of her room almost always meant some sort of punishment from her mother.

Camilla was very neglectful, It’s a miracle that Ana survived as long as she did. Ana was barely fed, one of the only things she was allowed to eat was apples because her mother never noticed them missing. Ana did not have many possessions, her mother however occasionally did give her a gift or two.

Camilla taught Ana how to read using The Bible, Ana was actually very intelligent for her age, after Camilla taught her the basics she gave up on the whole thing, but Ana was able to read the Bible cover to cover. Ana devoured any information she could get her hands on, she slowly taught herself how to draw and how to write.

Her mother would buy her crayons and paper occasionally to keep her busy, and she would draw and write stories about far off lands and princesses and unicorns. She loved to create things. Camilla eventually bought her a few toys, a teddy bear and a doll, which also helped her create stories and such.

One day, Ana was wandering around the house, and saw her mother on the computer. Ana was fascinated with it, she watched her mother from a far, until Camilla picked her up and sat her on the lap while she surfed the web.

Ana loved that computer. She would beg her mom to search up random things and go on random websites. Camilla eventually gave up her old computer to Ana when she got her new one. This opened up a whole new world for Ana, she could play games like Roblox and Animal Jam, and she could google any question she wanted without annoying her mother.

When she was eight years old, she was completely obsessed with Roblox, she loved being able to talk to other kids and play fun games. She was able to teach herself how to type by her obsessive googling and talking to other people. She would take apart the few things she owned, like a music box to see how they worked. She was fascinated with making things.

She would make Roblox games, building houses and horror games for her online friends to play. She felt seen, for the first time in a long time. There were actual people who wanted to talk with her and play with her. She would play the game for hours and hours. It gave her an escape from everything. She could ignore the hunger, she could ignore the loneliness. She was in her own little world.

She created her own little character she named Daisy Bell. After the song. Daisy could do anything. Daisy could fly, Daisy could have a family, Daisy could go to school, Daisy was everything Ana couldn’t be. Ana was just a stupid little girl, she thought.

One week, when Ana was nine years old. She and her mother got into an argument. Which was normal. But something in her mother snapped. She told Ana that she was going away forever, she was going on a vacation and she couldn’t come. Because she was a mistake. She was the reason her life had been ruined. She wish she had never had Ana.

Camilla locked Ana in her room, and left her. That was the last time Camilla would see her daughter for a long while. Ana at first, thought she would come back. This had happened before when Camilla was angry with her, but she waited. And waited. And she ran out of food. She was starving. She tried playing on her computer to ignore it, and writing in her diary.

She began to hear a voice from outside her window, it was attempting to coax her out of her room. It promised her that she was safe, and that it was a friend. Eventually the hunger got to be too much. She tried breaking down the door, but she was too weak. But then she had an idea. She googled how to pick a lock, and was able to escape her room.

So, in her pajamas, she set out for into the snowy forest around her. She wandered for what felt like hours, she was so cold. She wandered and wandered until she came across a train, with a tall shadowy figure standing in front of it.

He comforted the child as she died of hypothermia. He told her that he could give her a world of her own. That he could make her a god, he could give her friends, family, anything she could ever want. As long as she ate the apple.

She of course, accepted. What a wonderful birthday present. She thought. A world of my own. She spent her tenth birthday with what she would now know as “The Cultivator”, her new best friend, and guardian.

The Cultivator taught Ana, now named Daisy. How to use her new powers. She was able to bend reality to her will, he told her that whatever she wanted would appear to her. He asked her what she wanted to make first. She made an apple. Which amused him.

He left her alone with a large empty void. And she began to create her own world.. except.. It didn’t go well at all. Missing textures. Everything fell apart when she built it. Even the premade stuff the cultivator had made for her fell apart in her hands. She collapsed into a pile of bricks. She felt so alone. What if the cultivator got rid of her?

Someone, however. Approached her. As if to answer her loneliness. She created an “NPC”, her name was Mouse. Mouse became Daisy’s best friend, Daisy finally had someone to talk to besides the cultivator and herself. Mouse told her stories about far off lands and adventures she had been on. Mouse told her that she goes where people needed her.

Mouse would disappear in and out of Daisy’s life. Sometimes she would be gone for a few minutes, a few months, a year. Daisy began to grow up, in her own way, slowly becoming a teenager. Mouse taught Daisy how to play the xylophone, and rediscover her love of Piano. Mouse also helped her with how to make her world as semirealistic as possible. She helped Daisy make a cat companion, and taught her how trees work.

[working on the rest, unfortunately you can’t draft an already posted reference lol]

[attempted--eloquence]

Well now that I've seen the movie I guess the only thing I can do is re-read Handle With Care and pretend it never existed in the first place ! Do I dare ask what you thought of it ?

Oh boy. I TRULY am not even sure where to start. I’ll preface this by saying I didn’t have particularly high hopes, and was kinda just expecting to enjoy the nostalgia piece of it all.

However, it felt like the movie substituted substance (character development, coherent storytelling and plot continuation, etc.) for nostalgia? Like a washed up rock band coming back together for a one-night-only reunion show and trying to cram all of their biggest hits into a 2 hour, 20 minute runtime with a bit clumsy execution.

I think the first point that bothers me is the way that the logic/rules of the world that were established in S1 and onward just…don’t exist anymore. The wolfsbane being burnt out without needing the strain of wolfsbane that poisoned Scott. Peter Hale sniffing the ground like a dog (although ngl that was funny as fuck and I’m hoping? intentional) when werewolves can literally smell chemosignals from a good distance away, let alone blood. The nogitsune being Gerard who is already a werewolf, right? But also the nogitsune is not supposed to be able to be a fox and wolf? Also, Mr. Harris acquiring the jar for the Nogitsune from Liam and Hikari in Japan (how did it get there in the first place?), neither of whom he had ever met because he was presumed dead after s3?

I’m also really…confused about the repeated decision to introduce storylines without giving integral background information (or at least, a reason to give a fuck?) Parrish and Malia. Derek Hale having a son. Hikari and Liam in Japan. Gerard becoming a nogitsune.

Especially with Hikari…she’s like the first figure we see in the movie and yet by the end of it, I have no clue at all who she is as a person. Her and Liam (and MASON. What the hell.) are like cardboard cutouts with a button that you push to spit out occasional one-liners.* And I don’t understand the introduction of a new character when they’re essentially a nothing factor and have such limited, flat interactions with the existing cast. They let Eli Hale shine and become someone we root for. I want to care about Hikari! But I feel like I wasn’t given a reason to. I don’t know if the role was written for Kira and unchanged when Arden declined and was replaced, but it seemed like it was written as if we were automatically supposed to know, understand, and root for Hikari while essentially only knowing she’s a kitsune who is Liam’s love interest? and works at a ramen house with him. All her defining traits seemed to be about what she can offer to the plot rather than who she actually is.

Maybe I placed too many expectations on the ability to develop some of these things within the runtime of the movie…but I think if there’s an inability to make all of these plot points logical, some of them could’ve gotten cut. But, I’d really like to know other thoughts/feelings on the movie, though! Also I totally could’ve missed some things in the movie that would’ve alleviated some of my frustrations with it, but I dunno.

Positives! Oh babey I am so glad Theo fucking Raeken was not in that movie. Also the copious use of the word fuck was awesome lmfao. And I thought Eli was funny! (he’s, uh, very much like a Stiles Jr. but I have no comment on that). Also Finstock is Finstock which is cool. And thank the heavens for Alan Deaton. And the scene where Allison had to burn the wolfsbane out and having her mother over her shoulder as a callback to that one scene when she has to stitch up Scott was well done, I thought.

*on the note of characterization, I think I have this same gripe with a lot of characters in the movie. Jackson is essentially there just to keep Lydia company. Malia and Parrish are a thing because…reasons? Allison is undead after 15 years and working through amnesia and she’s somehow not that affected by it? (Yeah, she’s like, murderous and disoriented at first…but after realizing she’s been dead 15 years and remembering Scott she’s kinda fine?) Mason is just another familiar face on the police force. Derek seemed so UnDerek to me. And even after trying to rationalize that fatherhood changes a person, his timid ~just a father trying to do my best to raise my delinquent child of mysterious origins that I love very much~ just didn’t…work for me. Also HIM CHOOSING TO BURN TO DEATH IN FRONT OF HIS KID OMFG.

[raxistaicho]

Are we not Engaged? Part 8.

Ike paralogue opened up, but I’m gonna do the story for a little bit more.

Spoilers under the cut.

Hortensia’s taken Queen Seforia hostage. I don’t care.

Seforia didn’t realize Hortensia was still on Elusia’s side. While this is fair since Ivy defected, what happened to all those Solmian spies?

Oh nvm, the guards just let her in no questions asked, this fucking game.

Hortensia didn’t recognize Ivy for a while lol.

What. “Since Father sacrificed himself,” did Hortensia get amnesia of how Sombron ate him???

God I hate Hortensia.

“Hand them over or I kill the queen,” fine, do it, see what if I care. The rings are more important than her, sad as it.

Ah nice, Alear is calling her out.

Okay Timerra’s pretty cool.

Oh, Hortensia’s been led to believe getting the rings might bring Hyacinth back.

Dammit game, stop trying to make me feel bad for Hortensia.

Guess we’re not fighting Hortensia after all. Give us Byleth!

Seems Hortensia left on her own. Explains why she didn’t have an army. Uh oh, Zephia did something to Goldmary and Rosado :(

Marni and Mauvier then. Give us back Celica and Sigurd! >:(

Uhh, Marni and Mauvier just kinda vaguely captured Queen Seforia.

Zephia’s controlling Hortensia or something. Guess we’ll have to kill her for the greater good. It’ll be tragic. We’ll have a day of mourning. Guess it’s round three with Hortensia after all. We’ll just have to take Byleth from her body.

I can’t NOT use Merrin, Christina Vee voice acts her :D

Marni’s an idiot

Hortensia was actually easier this time since she didn’t bring a tome to this fight so she was no danger to Louis.

Hortensia is back to normal but wants to return to Elusia to take care of the country. But Ivy says Sombron rules the kingdom now. This is actually a really touching and nice scene. Also Hortensia gives Byleth up :D

Heheh, Byleth’s summoning theme is naturally taken from Edge of Dawn. The only ones unaccounted for are Eirika, Corrin, and the stolen six.

Seforia’s fine, Timerra and Fogado saved her.

Hortensia tries to apologize but Seforia gives her a hard time for a bit lol. Seforia’s mostly okay, I’d say.

Timerra’s gonna show us to Corrin.

I finally have money again :’D

Christ, Byleth is fucking BROKEN. His Emblem weapon is just Relics. Which one? Yes.

Veyle’s wandering around the desert. She has to “sleep” which - yeah, it means she switches off with Good!Veyle. Gonna be real awkward if Alear and crew run into her now.

Oh no, I made a terrible mistake putting Byleth on Celine, they’re gonna talk endlessly about all the tea parties.

Everyone got a round of beating up the Ashen Demon for more experience :)

It’s a good thing I didn’t do Ike Paralogue right away, those enemies is big

Did Ike just destroy the fucking castle...

Alear Hortensia C: Hortensia wants Alear to think she’s cute, it’s serious business for her. I guess that’s her character gimmick?

Celine Fogado C: He tries to flirt with her (Celine’s appearance aside, they’re both 17) but she roasts him big time. Nice support, lol.

Celine Hortensia C: Hortensia declares Celine her cuteness rival, but Celine just thinks Hortensia is cute and rambunctious.

Diamant Timerra C: Timerra invites Diamant to go to town with her, but he refuses, saying he needs to train and that Timerra should also. She insists going into town and getting to know her people on a more personal level IS training. This one made me like Timerra quite a bit more, it shows she’s conscientious of the blinders put on her by her high birth, unlike a certain other lance-wielding member of royalty in this series. While Timerra sneaking off to town incognito is dangerous for the same reason Celine doing it is, I’m willing to give Timerra more of a pass because she has more of an active soldiering background through her duties with the Sentinels. Really good support, eager to see the rest of the chain!

Timerra Alfred C: He’s off to train and she offers to eat together afterward, promising it’ll be casual and no political brain-picking. Not a bad support.

I’ve noticed the supports between the royals and between them and Alear are usually of waaaay higher quality than those including the more side-characters. It kinda demonstrates where the focus was in the writing.

Dancer dude is a main character, he gets an intro cutscene, lol.

Corrin’s voice is weird.

Spoopy castle with miasma all over.

Stupid Sexy Seadall.

Pairing Corrin to a dancer is super appropriate.

This is a pretty blatant “teaching” map to show the player how to use Corrin’s Dragon Vein skill properly. Understandable, it’s way different than most skills like it. I think I’ll just keep her on Seadall, though the Covert Dragon Vein ability is also VERY nice and would be pretty hilarious comboed with Yunaka or Celine.

Good Veyle’s back!

Oh no they’re bullying her, they don’t know she has an alternate personality :( Leave Good Veyle alone T_T

Alear is great in this scene!

I would question why they just order her to leave rather than attack her, but given how roided out Veyle was in ch11, sternly telling her to leave and hoping she complies is probably the smartest course of action, lol.

Good Veyle knows the hounds and her relation to Sombron, and the hounds know of her split personality thing, though Good Veyle herself doesn’t know about Evil Veyle. Seems Sombron would order her to do evil and she’d refuse. I’m guessing Evil Veyle is an artificial personality Sombron made to control Veyle more easily. That’s probably what Red Alear is, too.

We’re going back to Firene? I mean sure, why not. There’s no more rings out in the open so at this point there’s not much to do but wait and see what the forces of evil do, They need the 12 rings to fully restore Sombron’s power and they’ll need to attack with rings of their own to have a chance at taking ours. Unless Veyle uses her 100 pickpocketting skill on Alear again.

[misschimotosuwa-blog]

Otome Game Chain?

Rules: feature your 1st Otome game/route, your favorite Otome game/route, and your current Otome game/route.

You can add details if you wish! (If you've been tagged and have never played an Otome game, that's ok. And there's no pressure in reposting either way 😊)

1st Otome Game/Route: My Forged Wedding -- Yamato Kougami

Geez he's hot... Maybe I should take another crack at this game again!!

I first played this in 5th grade 🙊 can you believe it? 🤣 Oops. My class in school had gotten iPads for us to use -- no, I didn't get it on my school iPad. But having an iPad at school made me want one at home, so I got one for Christmas. I guess I found this on the app store... And you know... Hot anime men and a title with "wedding" in it... Of course 5th grade me would get it... And yeah!

If you're wondering, the game is about how you were engaged and were going to have your parents meet your fiance for the first time... But then your fiance breaks off the engagement right before you are supposed to meet with your parents -- but you're too sad and embarrassed and ashamed to tell your parents the truth. You meet at a bar with an old family friend, and his friends all overhear your situation. Depending on whose route you choose -- that guy will step in and pretend to be your fiance... But for a price 🙊 AND you eventually falls in love and get married for real!!

Yamato is a sharp tongued teacher at an all girls highschool. He's not allowed to teach there anymore unless he gets married -- so that's why he jumps at the situation. That's all that I remember.

My Favorite Otome Game/Route: TheNifleheim+(so hard to choose a favorite route... They're all so good..... I guess I'll go with....) Philippe

I RECOMMEND THIS GAME TO EVERYONE IT'S LITERALLY THE BEST (you can read it on the Story Jar app)

Okay soooooooo, you're a beautiful princess who died never knowing true love. You're awakened from your death by three GORGEOUS gentlemen in eccentric but gorgeous clothing. They tell you about you being woken up from death, and are now in the realm of the dead -- Niflheim. They also inform you that you've been chosen to be the bride of the King of Niflheim, and that it is a true honor. Along the way, we meet even more eligible bachelors. Then, we finally meet the king... He's kinda... Too much to handle.. kinda gives you a fright I guess... And he also has a group of girls fawning over him. You are sent back to your new room in his palace... And you think about everyone you've met that day, and whom you'd like to get to know better -- that's where you choose your route. (You can also choose the King of you wish -- don't judge a book by its cover -- King Jean is actually a real sweetie pie).

Philippe -- he's a famous/popular author in Niflheim. You go to visit him at the Library often. Philippe is hiding a big secret though 🙊🧐😉 he's very suave and gentlemanly. Him being an author gives him a charming and poetic nature. He says many romantic things to you 🥰

My Current Otome/Route: Amnesia Memories -- Shin (Heart World)

I've watched all of the anime, and am now playing the Otome.

This is a story/game where -- you guessed it -- wake up with Amnesia. All of your memories are gone. And we see a fairy who introduces himself as "Orion", and explains that on his way to the human realm -- he bumped into you -- therefore making you lose all of your memories, and now he is connected to you? And can't leave until you have regained your memories? So he tries to help you regain your memories, and lets you choose a world to go and try to regain them in? Any world you choose, you end up with a guy who claims to be your boyfriend, and you try to remember and build your romance with them, while also trying to regain memories AND solve mysteries... It's... A LOT.

Shin is a blunt/sharp-tongued boy who is a childhood friend and who has always loved you. He realizes quickly that you have Amnesia, but does all he can to help you regain your memories. You also have to solve a mystery about you waking up injured in that world, and try to prove his innocence... OMG... It's crazy 😅😅😅

Tagging: @angrypaperearthquake @onedivinemisfit @kawaii-ash @algernonpetals @sabraeal @sakurafairymage @kazumasamaanime and anyone else who'd like to join! No pressure!! 💕💕

[bigskydreaming]

If you were editor of Nightwing's book ever since at least the start of Rebirth to today and you were given free reign, what would your story mandates?

Oh no, this is dangerous. LOL. Hmm, I have no idea what to shoot for here, so I'll try to keep it to ten. That's reasonable right? Ten is good. Yeah. Is fine.

Okay, so, in no particular order:

1) Let Dick be competent 101. None of this him having to play hype man for every other character to pop up in HIS title bullshit. Nope. That's not what they're there for. He's the lead man, LET HIM BE THE LEADING MAN. Like sure, everyone has their areas of expertise, he doesn't need or have to be the best at everything, blah blah blah.....but its about the nuance. All of that is kinda lip service because the thing is, you don't go into MOST comic books and NEED to be reminded of that because the lead characters of those books are all constantly getting saved or shown up or chastised by every guest star in their books, you know? This is a very weird, very niche phenomenon very specific to Dick's character, and I'm super over it. I'm here to read about the guy who has literally been doing this longer than most superheroes twice his age. The guy who's been doing this since before he hit double digits. The born acrobat. The destined ultimate warrior or whatever of Gotham's Ornithological Society Of Murder and Pretentiousness. Gimme that guy. And that guy doesn't need to be 'humbled' every other page, because the thing is, he's not some egomaniac to begin with so the everpresent need to humble him doesn't actually come off as humbling! It just comes off as pandering and not even to actual fans of the actual character, so its like.....wyd DC.

2) Let other people take responsibility for their own crap with Dick rather than always just expecting a mea culpa from him. I'm so unbelievably tired of the words I'm sorry from Dick. I love personal accountability, so I never thought I'd have to say this about a character, but enoooooough. They have made it completely in character for this dude to apologize to everyone ELSE for being brainwashed, getting amnesia, being KILLED, like.....the amount of things he's groveled for forgiveness for when he didn't actually do a damn thing wrong or worse yet, was the ACTUAL victim of is like....pretty damn staggering. And meanwhile, there's nary a peep of apology from the people who regularly insult or belittle him, get physically violent with him, take advantage of him or take him for granted, etc, etc, etc. Its entirely too one-sided and imbalanced, and the pendulum needs to swing the other direction, like YESTERDAY, and in a fairly big way, IMO.

3) None of this Baby's First Social Justice Awakening 101 crap. I'm sorry, but no. Especially not when you go out of your way to acknowledge that Dick is Romani, only to then turn around and act like he's only JUST had his eyes opened to an awareness of like, classism and poverty and the real struggles people face day to day? Sorry not sorry, but especially for other white writers out there, do not use people of color as self-inserts for dipping a toe into Learning To See Past Privilege. And especially when talking about a character who has a history of being actively abused and hurt by the system and institutions of power, or hell, even leaving out that particular origin story, who has still been out on the streets helping people since he was a literal child. You can not tell me that this is his first face to face experience with social issues, or the first time he's had the inclination to try and address those head on. (And its also particularly egregious that the people second-guessing Dick in his own title and giving him reality checks or acting like they have more of an awareness of all this than he does like, happen to all be white? OPTICS. LEARN ABOUT THEM. COMMON SENSE. GET SOME.)

Know what would actually be a better way to approach this? Flashbacks. Show us Dick running into situations that make him think back to a case when he was still Robin, when he and Batman had started fighting over their approaches to things, actually SHOW us those conflicts and how their viewpoints had started diverging, and how much of that was due to Dick not having the same experiences as Bruce, or the same standing in society, no matter what house he lived in. THEN you can jump BACK to the present, with the reminder/awareness that this is something that isn't NEWS to Dick, but that he in the past felt he was forced to make his peace with as something he wasn't in a position to do that much about....only NOW, he's in a very DIFFERENT position, and suddenly it just hits him how he's still acting like he did when he was limited in resources or in having to be part of a chain in command or having to factor other responsibilities into things....now he ACTUALLY has the power and the resources to make meaningful change in the ways he ALWAYS wanted to, but maybe just needed time to figure out HOW.

Like you know what would have made Shawn Tsang's story arc so much better? If Dick didn't just remember her as the Pigeon's one time teenage sidekick he'd briefly fought as a kid, but like.....if he remembered her as someone he and Bruce had FOUGHT about. Because he didn't agree with sending someone to juvie for defacing public property as a form of political protest, when it was someone's LIFE who was going to be irrevocably damaged by that while the damage to the city could be fixed with a check, and what made Dick any more deserving of Bruce's leniency and faith in his potential or underlying goodness than Shawn?

But he was still a kid himself back then, and when Bruce responded with his usual conviction, talking about the importance about rule of law and etc etc, Dick just didn't have the words to get through to him then, to get him to understand that this wasn't just Dick not getting it because he was too young, it was BRUCE not getting it, that Dick was literally just saying well he wasn't too young to have been in juvie himself, and of the two of them, he's the one who has experience there so why was Bruce's opinion on whether this was the punishment that fit the crime the one that got to hold more weight here? When Dick's the one who knows what that punishment actually LOOKS like beyond the abstract, for whom it was a reality that still haunts him in ways that even defacing a few statues of some rich old fucks doesn't deserve?

Or hell, go back FURTHER than when he was Robin. Idk where any of those posts are, but I've always wanted to see something where Dick maybe runs into someone he remembers from his time in juvie, maybe a guard who is like, the source of the reasons Dick mistrusts figures of authority and is so hung up on independence and not being under anyone's thumb, or maybe someone who was in there with him, another kid who looked out for him when he didn't have to, etc. Gimme Dick tackling head-on his firsthand awareness that there's no rehabilitation to be found in a jail for kids, when most of those kids don't even need rehabilitation in the first place and only did what they did in order to survive or escape from worse situations or like, were there purely because of racist cops, etc. Let him go after THAT system, driven by personal experiences and memories that maybe only hit him in full after recovering his memories from the Ric Grayson arc, like they're things that he put in a box in his mind a long, long time ago because he didn't have the spoons or reserves to deal with them when he was a kid still so traumatized in so many ways, like, something had to give and so he put all those memories away for another day and just....never got back to them because life kept hitting him with new and fresh trauma every week.

But now something has him thinking back to those early days in Gotham, and reminding him that not everyone had a Bruce Wayne willing and able to give them an out from that place or acrobatic skills to escape it on their own, and like. You want to do something about the cycles of violence in Gotham and Bludhaven? Why not start with the places that literally MANUFACTURE cruelty on an institutional level, that teach kids that no matter what they did to get put there, even if that was nothing at all, they're all going to be treated the same way and given no reason NOT to do whatever it took to be top dog in a dog eat dog world by the time they got out.

There's SO many better approaches to social awareness in the Batbooks than what we're seeing, and like. Sheesh. The bar is way too low.

4) On a related note, if I'm editor of the Nightwing book, the FIRST thing I'm doing is making it a priority to find a writer of color for that book, ideally someone of Rom descent. Its waaaaay past time to let a Romani writer take the reins on Dick, Wanda, Pietro or Doom, aka some of the only prominent Romani characters out there? You can't tell me that there aren't talented writers who identify as Roma who would be more than willing to add their perspective to Dick's archive of narratives, and if an editor's gotta go looking for them? Go fucking look. DC and its fans have milked a lot of mileage out of the idea of Dick being Romani with very little in the way of nuanced storytelling to show for it in the past twenty years, and if DC wants to trot out little reminders that Dick is Romani every couple years, like in the form of a freaking line that has no follow up or expansion to any degree and is offset by an internal monologue that otherwise reads as incredibly privileged, the least they can do is TRY to expand on that with the narrative perspective of someone they claim to be representing via that character.

And no, this isn't gatekeeping, this is prioritizing. Its not about preventing other writers from writing this character, like just for the hell of it, its about being proactive about finding a writer who can write specific aspects of this character that have long gone unaddressed or poorly represented. And like. Okay. Its not easy breaking into the comics industry for anyone, but its particularly not easy for marginalized writers. Most every major comic book company just recites 'make your own stuff first and then show us that' but when you're a writer specifically, finding a compatible artist to partner with on creator-owned indie stuff first, when those artists are in the same position as you are and apologetically and understandably tend to have to take paying work over yours if you can't pay except on the back end, like....there are a lot of hurdles to getting your start in comic books, and while there are more and more marginalized writers in comics these days, DC and Marvel kinda fucked up, because you know what?

After being told 'make your own first, then we'll talk,' writers DID do just that....but then found out that well, due to the ease of online distribution and access these days, for any writers who CAN find an artist to partner with, its a hell of a lot easier to get their content out there these days WITHOUT a major publisher behind them.....and for a lot of marginalized writers in particular, its worth it to keep full creative control in exchange for smaller circulation. Especially when they don't have to deal with editors 'softening' their work to make it more palatable for audiences that quite frankly aren't necessarily their primary target. So yeah, marginalized voices are becoming more and more present in comics, but Marvel and DC for the most part are keeping the same voices centered they always have, and what these voices have to say is becoming less and less relevant and outdated. Because much like this arc from Taylor, even when they DO dip their toes into story matter that's of interest to wider audiences, they're doing so to a degree that still puts them years behind the conversations everyone else is having.

5) The same holds true of disability representation. I stopped reading Taylor's run for a lot of reasons but his way of responding to people unhappy with his depiction of Babs was a key one. If I'm editor on a book, and someone tweets at one of my writers that their depiction of a disabled character was hurtful because it feels like they're doubling back on everything Babs has ever said about not being defined by or ashamed of her disability and now its being treated like a dirty little secret, and that writer's response is essentially to just laugh at them and say there's nothing wrong or ableist about their writing of a disabled person, TO a concerned disabled person? That writer's ass is getting fired. Full stop.

Either you give a shit about this stuff or you don't. Don't pay your readers lip service about how important social issues are to you and how much you care about using superhero narratives to inspire people on these matters if you're gonna turn around and show your ass the second you don't feel comfortable and prioritized by the conversation, like it wouldn't exist without your oh so valuable contributions. ESPECIALLY if you don't identify as sharing the same identity of the marginalized character you're writing. You are a guest in someone else's lived experiences at that point, and you think you've got the right to belittle and talk down to the people who LIVE THERE? Fuck off, my dude.

6) Re-center Dick as someone who the superhero community RESPECTS. I love seeing Dick depicted as someone who has an awareness of his own limitations and an appreciation for what others bring to the table, and so I'm not opposed to him calling on others when he needs to.....but I also would like to see more of the opposite. But not in the way we usually see it these days, where he's asked to come help with a crisis and then usually second-guessed the whole way, and then sent back home without so much as a thank you when its done. Yawn. Sorry. I've read that story by now.

You know what story arc I freaking LOVED as a kid, back in the 90s? In Green Lantern, when Kyle Rayner first became the sole GL, one of his very early arcs, before he ever joined the JLA or anything....was him realizing how little he knew about being a superhero. He was like, my predecessors all had a full fledged CORPS to teach them everything they needed to know, but I had a few lines of exposition from a funny little blue guy in a red pillowcase and then I was off to the races. That's not good enough. There's so much I don't know about being a hero, I don't even KNOW what I still need to know.

So he went on kinda a superhero training roadtrip. He went to Metropolis to ask Superman for advice, he went to Batman to learn from Batman and Robin (Tim at the time). He went to Wonder Woman, Sentinel (Alan Scott, the first Green Lantern), etc, etc. And in the end, Kyle very much became his own kind of hero who wasn't just a pastiche of all those other heroes and the advice they gave him, but like....this put him on the road to that.

And I'd love to see something like that happen in Dick's solo title. We've seen him train in a team setting, we've seen him train the other Robins.....I'd love to see like, young superheroes from OTHER books, not ones created by the title, but like names people actually recognize from other franchises, like, guest star in Nightwing's book to learn from HIM, specifically. I wanna see something where Wally looks at the latest speedster and is like, you know what, if you really wanna be the best hero you can possibly be, then Nightwing's who you gotta go to, because there's no one I trust to make a better hero out of someone than him. I want the newest kid on the JLA block to worry that people aren't taking him seriously because of his age or experience, and he's always hearing them talk about Nightwing and how young he was when he started and so if anyone knows something about how to gain the respect of your older superhero peers, that's the guy to talk to.

Gimme Dick's couch being crashed on at various times by a half dozen new or upcoming young superheroes who all heard or figured out that if they really want to up their superhero game, Nightwing's the guy to see.

7) Bring back Bea. There's no long paragraph expansion on this, its really simply. Bring back Bea. She was one of the freshest breaths of air in Dick's supporting cast in ages, most of the current run is based off her character direction in the first place, she's literally the best suited TO help Dick in this venture, and the reasons they gave for writing her out of Dick's life were all bullshit and they just wanted to focus on his previous relationships, which would be fine if they didn't fall into the same two endless cycles of bring back up, go nowhere with, awkwardly avoid each other for years, rinse and repeat. Like. Bring back Bea, please and thank you, the end.

8) Focus on new villains. Heartless is meh, but the idea of new villains is still better IMO than rehashing Blockbuster, Zucco, etc. Like, nostaglia ain't it. If I want to read Blockbuster fucking up Dick's life, I can do that. They're called back issues. The thing is, love it or hate it, the Blockbuster arc WAS iconic. It left its mark. And anything that doesn't leave just as much of a mark, if they're going to bring him up again, is just gonna be a waste of time, you know? It'll just dilute his overall presence when like, what he was - worked fine as is. We don't need Round Two.

The trick to good villains, IMO, is they have to speak to a fight that needs fighting.

What I mean by that is....the best villains are those who resonate on a more instinctive level because they embody something that already exists in a reader's mind as a conflict that needs fighting. Like, if superheroes exist, if the embodiment of larger than life presences and forces devoted to protecting the world from various things are real....then their villains need to embody the kinds of fights or conflicts that NEED larger than life figures to combat them, at least on a one to one level.

Look at Superman and Lex Luthor. Superman at his core embodies the strength of community. He's the ultimate hero of the people, his essence is that he was the last survivor of a doomed race who was raised by two honest, hard working people to see the beauty in just being ONE of them, in using what he had on behalf of all of them and not just himself. In contrast, Lex Luthor is basically the embodiment of capitalist greed, of excess, of the entitlement of being able to have anything with a snap of your fingers and thus assuming that gives you divine mandate to make the kinds of choices that he sees as only his right to make.

He hates Superman, ultimately, because Superman is the WRONG savior of the people. He wants their only savior to be HIM, half the time he honestly believes he's saving the world FROM Superman, but just as often he's perfectly content to be the villain and not shy about it....because Lex Luthor's ultimate motivation is he wants everyone to know when he's dead and gone that LEX LUTHOR WAS HERE. He genuinely doesn't care WHAT his impact or legacy is at the end of the day, just that it exists and it overshadows most everything else...because all that really matters to him is the irrefutable proof that HE mattered. And thus at their cores, Superman and Lex are perfectly opposed. Ideally situated to eternally be in conflict, their own forever war, because their core natures are incompatible. They CAN'T compromise, without compromising themselves and essentially ending up as someone totally other than who and what they are already.

And you can go down the list. The Joker is the chaos to Batman's order, while Mr. Freeze is the stagnancy of that order taken too far, he's what you get when you freeze everything in your grief and refuse to let anything go on, anything new grow, because that would mean having to admit once and for all that what you're mourning is really gone. Two-Face is the ultimate embodiment of Man vs Self, a once good man at war with his own worse nature, and reminding everyone who looks at him how easily they could fall to the same fate.

And so on and so on. What Dick needs, is more of the same. Like, as much as I'm not a huge fan of Talon stories, I maintain that the Court of Owls were a great foil for him - just they tend to be poorly used in canon as well. But I also think how poorly they come off in canon has a lot to do with canon not really touching on WHY they're such a perfect foil for Dick....and that's Dick's history with being outside the system, mistreated and even exploited by the system. Because the Court, their core concept, is they ARE the system. They are entrenched, enfranchised, institutional power, passed down through generations, dynastic control that is a perfect counterpart to the dynastic power of the Wayne family, embodied in its youngest generation in the form of Bruce's FOUND family, the children he adopted regardless of whether or not his peers found them deserving of that honor. The Court, and their entire....thing...about the Gray Son, is the entitled fury of those denied something they deem theirs simply because they WANT it, and who will burn the whole world down rather than admit defeat or let someone else have it instead.

And that resonates. It could resonate a lot MORE if DC would actually lean into those concepts and allow Dick to explore how the Court are nothing he's not used to, they're literally made up of the same people who have looked down on him ever since he came to Gotham, but now they're actually a face and a name put to all those attitudes, something he can literally FIGHT BACK AGAINST. The Court are literally human-sized embodiments of everything and everyone who's tried to confine Dick since his parents' deaths, tried to define him without his permission, tried to make him other or lesser than who and what he is.....and who thus now exist in a form that Dick can literally BATTLE. So that he doesn't HAVE to just take this stuff lying down.

Thanks to the Court, he doesn't HAVE to just passively accept it, that this is just how life is, that some people are going to view him this way and think this about him and there's nothing he can do about it. He CAN do something about it, in superhero stories. He can kick its ASS, in the form of the Court of Owls and everything its members think about him and intend for him. He can refuse to bow down to them, to accept their mark on him. He can say lol, no, and then blow their shit sky high, ideally with a little help from his family. He can BEAT them, in this incarnated form, and in doing so, even though he can't beat everything they stand for and represent, that victory still matters, still means something symbolic to readers it resonates with.

And that's what we need more of. Villains created specifically to embody concepts that are diametrically opposed to Dick and what he represents. The system, yes, but also villains who embody the kind of tyranny and control he fights back against in his constant battles for autonomy and self control. Villains who embody the 'new hopes' of a second generation just like Dick himself is the focal point of the hopes embodied by the second generation of heroes. I'm actually not the hugest fan of multiversal constant Dick Grayson, but I might like it more if he had an opposite number there, someone he was specifically contrasted with. Idk.

But you get it.

9) Dick having a social life. Gimme the Titans and his siblings showing up JUST to show up. We have room enough for at least a couple pages every other issue where we just get to see these characters having some breathing room, taking a beat to stop and be something other than just a superhero, to be human as well. There's more to life than 24/7 fighting, even for them, and that's largely been lost in modern superhero comics, which kinda sucks, because that was what made most of the more iconic and lasting dynamics between various characters like, STAND the test of time. The larger than life battles between good and evil might be what many of us come to superhero comics FOR, but the relatable back-and-forths and ups and downs of their private lives spent with friends and family tends to be what keeps most of us coming BACK. And lately its all just mission, mission, mission, and I'm like blah, blah, blah and its like, meh, meh, meh. Y'know? Give the guy some down time, and let his friends come spend it with him.

10) Boone. This is purely self-indulgent, but if you know anything about me, you know my obsession with Robin: Year One, Dick's brief time at Vengeance Academy, and the hate/hate relationship he has with his brief frenemy from that period, Boone aka Shrike. This character has SOOOOO much potential to be Dick's true archnemesis and rival, and like. *Sobs* I can't get into it all again. Its too much. I can't do it.

Okay, I absolutely can. And will, probably. But like. Later.

BONUS ROUND:

Other thing I would absolutely insist upon if I were Nightwing editor....

GET THAT FUCKING MEME SHIRT ABOUT BRUCE SLAPPING DICK THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

Like. Seriously. WHAT THE HELL. Why would you double down on THAT? Why is Babs STILL wearing it? (Last I checked, like I think I saw it in a scan from last issue? I'm pretty sure its still there? If not, forget this entire rant, and I am very embarrassed. Okay not that embarrassed. I don't really care if I'm wrong here but like, in case I'm not)...

WHY. Who thought that was funny? No, seriously, on behalf of any other abuse survivors who like me are SERIOUSLY not amused, who the FUCK thinks its FUNNY to have one of Dick's best friends sporting a shirt that no matter what it represents IN universe, to readers OUT of universe, is always going to call to mind the fact that this meme only freaking EXISTS because of all the times DC has obliviously and without acknowledgment written Bruce abusing his children, including the BFF that Babs is literally wearing that right in front of.

Like omg do you hate her, DC? What other possible reason could you have for thinking that would be a cute, funny thing for her to wear around the guy getting SLAPPED, by his DAD, in your shirt's iconography.

Okay I'm done.

LOL.

Sorry, that last one was brewing for awhile. Deep breaths. Woo.

[professor-tammi]

AG rambles, up to the penultimate chapter (I might actually finish the game! soon!)

- ok quick gameplay advice to anyone who’s playing AG, when you get the Catherine / Shamir / Jeralt paralogue, just skip it. yes I am serious. it’s an absolute nightmare to play I spent almost 2 hours restarting it

(maybe it’s a little more forgiving on Normal mode but I honestly doubt it’s by much. this is the worst map I’ve played in any musou game, by far)

- after recruiting Byleth Sylvain of course gets a line about how she’s a “stunning beauty”... Sylvain... (Ingrid tells him to shut up)

- so anyway. the can of worms that is Edelgard in AM... it’s... not great. the game confirms that she’s lost her memory, essentially, and seems to have mentally regressed to being, like... 10 or something. I dunno. either way I am not a fan -- I do kinda get why the writers did it and it puts me at ease to know it at least wasn’t a Creep reason but mmmmm I do not like it

- also hilariously, once you get to the bonus chapter where Arval transports you to Slitherland, Edelgard’s amnesia is sort of randomly undone and Dimitri and Claude have to explain to her that she’s been under mind control for half a year and the Empire is a total mess (which she’s not terribly happy to hear). like, okay, I guess the plot explanation is supposed to be something along the lines of, being in Slitherland undoes the magic? or being away from Thales undoes it? honestly I don’t even know but it’s kinda sloppy writing

- you get little cutscenes (supports! ish!) between your house leader and the other two lords here, which I think is rather nice. Claude and Dimitri’s scene has Claude openly admit that he just wants to Destroy the Church, which... idk how I feel about this being his motivation know because I don’t know Houses!Claude well enough to comment on it, really, but I find their conversation interesting anyhow?

so Dimitri basically goes, “ok I get that you want to destroy the church and I agree on a personal level. but are you cool with faerghus” and Claude is like “yep” and something about this is inherently very funny to me. maybe it’s all the accusations of Dimitri being pro-Church I’ve seen over the years despite evidence to the contrary :’)

anyhow Dimitri then brings up three issues with abolishing the Church, which is that it would make Faerghus kingless again which would lead to another civil war, and that it would cause a problem for actual believers (you don’t say...), and that... it would put commoners and Claude himself at risk. to which Claude says that he can take care of himself. I suppose this is what one might call dimiclaude content :D?

- since Edelstans love taking Dimitri lines out of context I just know we are going to see this one, where Dimitri talks about his three reasons for not wanting the Church gone:

Dimitri: First, abolishing the church would deny the king’s right to rule Faerghus.

which does not look great without the followup line:

Dimitri: Without one, the people will descend into chaos and war.

- the Dimitri / Edelgard conversation is hilariously awkward, though Dimitri at least directly confronts her about Patricia and asks if Edelgard was involved in her death, to which she says that she wasn’t

... then there’s a random earthquake and Edelgard trips and you get a whole CG artpiece of Dimitri helping Edelgard up, where Edelgard takes his hand and starts to thank him before cutting off with a hmph which is also so funny to me. that is remarkably Felix of you Edelgard!!

Edelgard then recounts something similar happening to her as a child, and Dimitri says he has the same memory (I think pretty obviously implying that yes, he did help her up back then too, but she can’t recall it was him), to which Edelgard hastily tries to cut off the conversation and leave (... which I think in turn implies that Edelgard’s memories of Dimitri may have partially come back because Magic, but she’s refusing to acknowledge them because she doesn’t want to grow attached to him,,,,,) (I choose to interpret this as sad siblings content nobody can take that away from me)

- anyway here are my thoughts on the Dimitri / Edelgard conversation: modern AU Dimilix where people keep questioning how and why Dimitri handles Felix’s attitude so well and Dimitri is just like “well, actually, my sister is like that too so I’m used to it! it’s just how some people show affection :)” (Felix overhears this and he Hates It). thanks that is what I think

- in the base camp after ch 12 we get Sylvain talking about Dimilix... fic thought #2 Dimilix with wingman Sylvain. actually, I’m sure that already exists, but still

- Marianne’s base camp dialogue is all about Hilda, and how she recently reunited with her and that she missed her dearly... cute!

- Felix is happy about hopefully not having to face the Death Knight again, which I’m pointing out because it’s a stark contrast to Houses!Felix having base camp dialogues about wanting to fight him in non-AM routes... wonder if that’s a nod to those, or if I’m just reading too much into things

- recruiting Byleth unlocks Felix / Rodrigue A, where they finally talk things out and reconcile. they discuss Glenn, and Rodrigue asks Felix if he wouldn’t have done the same thing in Glenn’s position -- would he have abandoned Dimitri or fought to the death? and Felix, of course, goes “no I would have made sure we BOTH survived >:(” and it’s rather cute ahaha

I noticed this back in 3H as well but Koei’s writers broadly really love criticizing the idea that it is noble to sacrifice yourself for someone else, and that one should instead live for them (this is such an SW thing and it clearly carried over to 3H). this comes out in full force with Felix :D

- the Felix / Shez A support also has some more discussion of Fraldarius / Loog tradition stuff which is, of course, Prime Dimilix Content.

- I rather enjoy the Dedue / Catherine conversations; they discuss how similar their unflinching loyalty to their lord (Dimitri / Rhea) is and Catherine actually goes a step further and compares Dimitri to Rhea. I mostly see Edelgard-Rhea comparisons in fandom, but honestly, the Dimitri-Rhea comparison might ring even more true...

- the Sylvain/Yuri B support is exactly as gay as I’d been told. which is to say. Yuri just straight-up asks Sylvain on a date and Sylvain is like “hmm yeah I’m kinda into that”. if bi Sylvain wasn’t canon enough before it is canon now (but also, it was canon before)

- you get a scene between Caspar and his father before ch 13 that I rather liked, but what stood out to me is that Caspar reacts to the fact that you’ve recruited Linhardt and comments on how he “might be in the Kingdom”. (in the base camp after this chapter, Linhardt is surprisingly at ease with having to potentially fight Caspar; if Shez tells him it must be rough on him since they’re childhood friends, Linhardt just goes “no, not especially”. stone cold!)

- Ashe, of all people, is actually more worried about fighting Caspar, even though they don’t even know each other in this timeline! he mentions that Caspar’s positive attitude was contagious and ponders if they could’ve been friends in another time... you could have. you would have raised a cute kitten together :D!

- for anyone wondering, Edelgard’s siblings are still mentioned in the game -- a random base camp NPC says rumor has it that the emperor’s siblings are all dead, meaning there’s nobody in line to be emperor after Edelgard.

- the most relevant-to-my-personal-interests base camp dialogue is, of course, the Dedue + Felix one, which... well. I’ll just type it out, since I took screencaps:

Dedue: It appears Count Bergliez is now in charge of the Imperial army.

Felix: So I’ve heard. He put up one tough fight in Ailell. Getting past him won’t be easy. He still wishes to be the emperor’s shield, even though he knows that’s going on in the Empire. His sense of duty is admirable. Dialogue option 1: He sounds a lot like Dedue.

Dialogue option 2: He sounds a lot like Felix.

If option 2 is chosen:

[Felix support raised]

Shez: A guy who protects his leader no matter what? Reminds me of you, Felix.

Felix: Hmph. Don’t lump me in with someone like that. I would’ve washed my hands of them and fled a long time ago.

Dedue: I don’t think you’re the kind to make such a decision lightly.

I chose the second option fully expecting Felix to hate it, but it raises support with him? huh!?

objectively speaking, the sort of loyalty described sounds much more akin to Dedue’s than Felix’s, but I occasionally see people complain that Felix stays with Dimitri even throughout his mad phase in early post-timeskip AM and I can only reiterate that Felix is a much more loyal character than people tend to think, especially where Dimitri is concerned

[shadowstalker732]

ALRIGHT LETS GIVE THIS POSTING THING A GO

MY REVAN TIME (one of them at least)

Also spoiler warning a guess for a game over a decade old? (Am I meant to say spoiler warning? Who knows not me)

(Please don’t yell at me about stats I do what I want)

Anyway first playthrough where I don’t stop and hard restart Tarris or Dantooine 13 times because choice reasons and me forgetting that stealth is useless and just letting the game auto level for me (learnt that the hard way), I’ve basically done Tatooine but I haven’t beaten the dragon yet cos I wanted to bugger off to another planet first and chose Kashyyyk. And I’m down in the shadow lands now (do not worry Zaalbar I WILL GET YOU BACK) and yeah that’s where I’m at.

ANYWAY, Shay or Shar Stalker (because the game won’t let me do non-binary) is a light side Revan. Good of heart dumb of ass and yet will still rob you dry if you place bets on a strategy game against them. Height wise around the 1.6m mark (5′3″ for the Americans). Prefers the double lightsaber look (currently got a short green one and a normal blue one for amnesia version). Not a flirt but definitely had something going on with my Exile in the past but that ended in the Mando war at some point… teenagers in war don’t usually do well mentally wise.. back story and post events of Kotor under the cut (also warning it’s long, like super long, and goes into their future story? As well)

SO BACKSTORY,

Shar got some Mando blood floating in their veins from some ancestor and that causes them to go full buir sometimes hence why Mission, Zaalbar, HK-47, T3-M4 and Juhani get bed time stores aboard the Ebon Hawk and chocolate space milk whenever they stop (Rev gets some too because who doesn’t love some good old Choccy milk), droid duo get cleaned basically daily while Bastila gets the bird for even thinking that this is a waste of time and resources.

Wait I said backstory… TEMPLE LIFE!

Rascal trio with Exile and Alek at their heels. All three, good of heart dumb of ass. Shar was a prodigy and excelled in basically all Jedi subjects at the time, was pretty popular with most people and just a nice person who didn’t stand for bullshit. Got into a few “heated” (honestly that’s an understatement) arguments with council members about how some things in the galaxy were handled but mostly had a positive response from people. At this time their main saber was purple and their off hand a short cyan. Joined the Republic in the Mandalorian wars a few months before their 17′th birthday. Didn’t not return to the Temple once after leaving for war.

The War 

(I should mention I get most of my knowledge from wiki skims (not deep reads) and other Tumblr posts so if it’s off canon… it’s my story and Star Wars is my sand box so I MAKE THE RULES HERE BABY!)

After many battles and the relationship between the battle trio growing stronger with time it was also weakening. At one point Shar and Exile had a romantic relationship going but only kept that going for a few months, they both decided that this was not the time to be doing this and if they both survived would actually give the lovers thing a shot (doesn’t happen). Throughout the war all three realise that they must make sacrifices to stop the war, the old saying “sacrifice one to save the many” is said often between the three at first before it becomes second nature. During one of the battles Shar’s cyan lightsaber is completely destroyed including the crystal being completely shattered. After taking the mantle of the Revanchist only uses the name Revan and never removes the helmet unless it’s only the trio and only then will respond to their old names. All three are slipping mentally in this war but have all managed to hold onto the Light side by trusting each other. After the mass shadow generator event Revan looses all contact with Exile (force and otherwise) and assumes death, despite it being Revan’s own order it’s a major pushing point towards the dark.

The End of the War

Revan faces off against Mandalore the Ultimate and slays him, in his dying breathe speaks of the Sith Empire growing in the Unknown Regions and how this war wasn’t only about giving the Mandalorian’s a good fight but also to weaken the republic for Ultimates Empire allies. Not many Mandalorians knew of the Sith truth behind the war and just followed their Mandalor’s word that this war would bring them the honour of a good fight, and it did in a way. After Revan learns of the empire growing hidden amongst uncharted routes, knew that the council would never believe them and so took matters into their own hands. Taking a fleet and insisting it was to chase down the last of the Mandalorian high command, Revan left for the unknown regions.

The Unknown 

Yeah everything went to shit. Rev and Alek get captured and Sith tortured and kind probed by old man Sith Emperor but in that time Revan gains acute knowledge via reverse mind prob, of how the Sith empire is running, where resources are coming from and key weak points. During this time Alek falls completely and Revan fains it for now. Torture continues for a good while until Revan makes the choice that they have been making all through out the war “sacrifice one to save the many”… Revan embraces the dark side and makes a plan, a plan to empower the known galaxy enough to destroy the “true” Sith empire by uniting it as their own Sith empire. Revan knows light will always rise to face the dark and that the light side is strong, someone will rise to take them down after the “true” Sith empire is defeated and only in death will Revan have fulfilled their promise to the unknown Mandalorian and finally be able to be one with the force. Revan embraces the dark fast and is soon sent off by the Sith emperor who thinks Revan is under his control to take control of the star forge and start building the Sith army in the known galaxy, Revan assumes command with now Malek as their right hand.

Beginning of Darth Revan

Basically what is described in the first Kotor game, Darth Duo go find star maps, get to forge, start fucking up the galaxy yadeyadeya. Malek pulls a sick move and fucks up Revan’s plan to stop the Sith Emperor and boom Amnesia time baby. Oh also during Sith times used a red and their old purple lightsaber but when they got captured by Bastila both lightsaber’s goy yoinked and locked up on Coruscant for simple reasons. 

No Memory Time Baby

Council is smart as fuck and call them Shay Stalker AKA their old name to see if that will reawaken light memories or thoughts in Revan and basically try and nudge amnesia Rev to stay lightside cos they don’t want to see their lost padawan fall back to the dark, (Jedi are a complicated subject), also ONLY SHAY no mention of their other name Shar at all! So that will cause problems later for poor Rev when they start remembering things :), basically the game from here on. Memories of a calm life on a farming planet before joining the military, lost both their siblings (AKA Alek and Exile) while away on service. Joined to stop the Sith from taking any more innocent lives. Throughout the game Shay try’s to help as many people as they can and choose the option that will benefit good and innocent people, constantly says fuck to corporations and nasty people, is not afraid to kill a bitch. As I haven’t completed the game fully (but I am planing a lightside finish and I’m not exactly sure when the “I am Revan” bit comes in I’m gonna leave this as it is. Oh and blue main saber and a short green saber with a crystal they managed to purify (AKA was red but returned to its natural colour through meditation and force cleansing, also helped by Bastila)

Memories

Like I said I haven’t finished the game yet BUT after the whole “oh fuck oh stars IM REVAN?????” Lots of shit starts to make sense and the force “spell” (I’m gonna call it spell) that repressed Revan’s memories had already begun to weaken somewhat before this point but this kinda opens the flood gates but not too far just enough for it to not make any sense at all. Team is there for Rev and the game finishes lightside. (Also I know I said this rev not gonna romance but this is post game stuff now and I just don’t wanna romance Bastila in game so yeah) ANYWAY, Revan and Bastila build a healthy relationship together and Revan starts to regain a lot of memories that their friends help them through. Revan remembers why they took the name Revan and actually goes to Coruscant to the high council to explain why they put on the helmet in the first place and the Council adheres to Revan’s request and returns the original helmet. The Star forged one stays in storage for now. Revan also requests their old armour and lightsabers to help regain memories as to why they fell, the council is hesitant at this request and only allows Revan to meditate with their old things at the main temple with a council member present. Over one or two years a lot comes back but there is still a few key dates, names, moments and details missing. Oh and Revan uses force powers to make Bastila preggers. IF BOBA FETT CAN SURVIVE A SARLAC AND PALPATINE CAN EXIST IN THE SEQUELS. REVAN CAN PULL FORCE BULLSHIT TOO!

The Unknown part 2: Electric boogaloo 

Revan finally remembers what made them go dark and realises they fucked up their own plans pretty bad and the Republic IS WORSE OFF THAN HOW IT STARTED COS OPPS REVAN ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A SHIT TON OF FORCE USERS LIGHT AND DARK SO yeah. Bastila was holding the brain cell of the force bond in this moment and Revan decides the best course of action is to go face the Emperor alone… fucking brilliant Revan how the fuck did you win the Mandalorian wars again my good sir? Revan tells Bastila that they (Rev) has been assigned a mission to infiltrate the remanence of Revan’s old Sith Empire and basically destroy it from within and that this mission is basically so hush hush that Bastila isn’t meant to know but Revan thought it only fair to say that they would be gone for potentially a long time for this mission and Bastila, unaware that this would be the last time she saw them, accepted this goodbye and hoped they would return before their baby was born. But Revan has always been a good lier… even to themselves. Without anymore fuss they left the Known Galaxy leaving all their friends and family behind never to be seen again to face off against the bitch that started it all. (I haven’t read the novels or played the SWTOR game and never plan to do either so again I say this is wiki knowledge that I’m doing what ever I please with that knowledge because Star Wars is a sand pit and I’m the kindy kid that’s decided to sit and play with it today)

Mmmmm Watcha SaaaaaaaAy

Revan gets their ass handed to them and imprisoned for three hundred years and tortured and mind probed AGAIN. Also cut off their connections to any other force user to ensure old dude couldn’t get to them as well. Absolutely not having a good time here. After the 300 years of PAIN the force within Revan gets so fucked up that their physicality splits into two entirely separate beings, Dark Revan and Light Revan. When this happens the prison breaks and Light Revan makes their escape and gets out barely alive while Dark Revan hangs back and swears allegiance to Sith Empire and starts plotting to overthrow old dude cos Sith. Light Revan makes it back to the council and they heal them and have a very hard time believing they are Revan until Revan perfectly describes a gift they gave Bastila before they left that now a descendent of Revan now owns. The council doesn’t understand how Revan split into two entire different beings but accept “the force acts in mysterious ways at times”. Revan is FINALLY given knighthood and helps prepare the republic for the Sith Empire that hasn’t attacked yet but definitely will soon. And this is where Tarre comes in.

Mando Time Yeah!

My Tarre will get his own beefy post (def not as big as this one) maybe tomorrow or the next day so for now it’s just what Tarre does and means to Revan. ANYWHO, Tarre becomes Light Revan’s padawan. (I should mention that Light Revan despite being called Light Revan is leaning towards a grey area within the force but isn’t down right evil like dark Revan is. Dark Revan is killing puppies of an endangered species cos their bored evil). Tarre is Revan’s padawan and becomes a knight. Revan enjoys teaching Tarre about the force and understanding how Tarre was brought up a Mandalorian and with the peace between Jedi and Mandalorian’s at this point was welcomed into the Jedi temple later than most. Revan raises Tarre like he is their own son/little brother and they form an extremely powerful force bond because of it. I’ll go in depth on Tarre’s post but Tarre still gets Mando training for 4 months of the year but the jedi training is the rest of the year. Revan joins Tarre when he return to Mandalore to continue his Mando training and learns more about Mandalorian history and culture while there. While on Mandanlore Light Revan truely feels relaxed for once despite random Mando’s sometimes jumping out and challenging them to fights because apparently Revan is now a ghost story and a feared mighty warrior legend and when anyone finds out that Revan is “alive” immediately tries to prove that they are stronger than Revan (which they are not). A few years after Tarre is knighted the war with the True Sith Empire begins.

I don’t know what to call this bit sooooo UWU

Battles, fights, old shit, it’s a war. Revan proves to be supper fucking useful in leadership but doesn’t do as much “sacrifice one to save the many” moves anymore. Revan keeps predicting what the Sith are gonna do an THATS cos Dark Revan is leading the, and Revan knows Revan best but not the reverse. Light Revan knows how Dark Revan will act but Dark Revan doesn’t know how Light Revan will act since Light Revan technically includes Shay/Shar, Mandalorian War Revan, Amnesiac Shay, and post Amnesia. While Dark Revan is only really Darth Revan and post Amnesia so Light Revan technically outweighs Dark Revan. I’ve probably butchered that explanation or done it too late but that’s how it’s gonna be cos it’s midnight and I wanna finish this and post it today. ANYWAY, final battle between the Revan’s. They have a massive duel on the battle field and eventually Light Revan strikes Dark Revan down but also receives some pretty nasty injuries. Light Revan understands the need to be whole again and as Dark Revan “dies” reunites with that half of the force and Revan returns but Revan is so done, so fucking done with living and trying and they had a good run and now they have what was Dark Revan’s and Light Revan’s injuries all on one body and sure if Rev really tried they could probably suck the life force out of some Sith warriors to keep themselves alive but… they just don’t want to. Eventually Tarre finds the fallen Revan reunited at last and stays by their side as Revan finally lets go and becomes one with the force. After the battle Tarre brings Revan’s body back to the Temple to be burnt as Revan had requested but their armour, lightsabers, and other possessions would be taken to a place only Tarre knew of to be sealed away until a far descendent of Revan’s comes along to claim them as their own. The war isn’t over and Revan’s passing only fuels Tarre further into defeating the Sith empire that the republic eventually does after 20 years of war. 

Conclusion 

And that’s the overall story of this Revan, I know very long, very deep, wtf this is your second post after a what? 1 year break? Actually let me check… yeah nope about a year has passed since my Crash post. If you have made it this far thanks for reading my first ever “decent” post about something I’ve been developing for a while now in bits and pieces. Sorry it was so long but then again I did miss a lot of shit. If you want to interact and ask more questions about this Revan go ahead my ask box is open (don’t be weird tho and just cos I post long doesn’t mean you have to ask long unless it’s legit). I’ll try and get the Tarre post out tomorrow around this time too or earlier depends. Thanks again for taking the time to read my word vomit. Also sorry if there are any spelling mistakes I have missed.

Have a good one!

[drowsymachine]

TRAUMAGENICS AND ANTI ENDOS INTERACT ONLY!! TY!! i am only looking for advice. do NOT reblog with discourse.

so, we’ve been identifying as an osdd1-b system ever since we discovered we were a system since,, two?? ish?? years ago. it’s hard to keep track. all I know is it was a while before the pandemic.

but recently we’ve noticed we have more than emotional amnesia- sometimes we can’t remember what other alters did, or when we do it’s not the whole thing. if that makes any sense. we’ve also ruled out that it is not osdd-1a.

now, before you start, i am aware DID is any amount of amnesia at all, I just.. i guess i’m worried we’re somehow not allowed to say “hey, we might’ve been wrong about the osdd thing- it was actually DID”. and i don’t know why we think that, although i can very safely guess denial and/or doubt.

uhhm, but i’m rambling now, i think?? i forgot what advice I was actually going to ask for, so i guess i’ll just put these out here:

is it normal to think you are osdd and then realise you’re DID? is it a common experience, at the very least?

are we- should we realise we made a mistake- allowed to then call ourselves a DID system? Since we do have some amnesia?

also just like,, any other advice regarding this topic?? it’s kinda difficult to put into words, actually.

[harrysbbby]

Don’t Forget Where You Belong -  JJ Maybank x Reader - Part Three

A/N: new part!!! feedback is always appreciated and please let me know if you’d like to be tagged

Part 1

Part 2

“Okay. So, um... we didn't see anything,” Pope said clearly stressed. “We need to have total and complete amnesia.”

“Actually, Pope's right for once,” JJ piped up. You shot him a confused look. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say ‘and what about it, “See, I agree with you sometimes. Deny, deny, deny,” JJ continued to yabber on.

“Guys, we can't keep that money,” Kie said.

“Okay. Not all of us can afford unlimited data plans, Kiara,” JJ shot back at her.

“We really should give it to Lana Grubbs. Technically it was her husbands.” You spoke, raising your hands defensively as JJ shot a glare at you.

“See,” Kie said gesturing towards you, “Otherwise, it's bad karma.”

“Bad karma to be implicated in a felony, too,” Pope spoke directly and with conviction. He kept his head down.

“Pope…” you started but he cut you off.

“We gotta go dark.” He said, lifting his gaze to look around at all of you.

“If that means we get to keep the money, then I agree,” JJ settled. You went to open your mouth to say something, but John B’s voice cut you off.

“I don’t agree,” he said to JJ. He moved to the centre of the porch and began explaining as if he was giving a Ted Talk,

“Just think about it. This is Scooter Grubbs we're talking about. Same dude that's buying individual cigarettes at the Porthole. Shit, one time I saw this dude begging for change in the Save-A-Lot parking lot because he needed gas. We're talking about a dirtbag marina rat who's never had more than 40 bucks in his pocket, and all of a sudden, he's got a Grady-White? Just sayin'.”

“It is a little odd,” you said in agreeance, leaning back on your chair and nodding up at John B. He nodded back as if to say, ‘thank you’ and then turned to the rest of the group who still didn’t look quite as convinced.

“I don’t know…” Pope trailed off. Looking around at you all. He stood and grabbed a fishing rod from the side of the doorway and made his way out to the pontoon. JJ grabbed the other and followed. The five of you made your way out to the water, perching yourselves along the wooden structure. The boys launched their baits into the water as John B started up again.

“All right, so think about it, Pope: How does a marina rat get a Grady-White?” he asked. Pope didn’t even look up from his line as he deadpanned,

“Prostitution”

John B shook his head in disbelief, “Square groupers, bro. Okay, flying under the radar, no aerial surveillance. They don't do that stuff during a hurricane. What does that mean?” He looked around at the rest of you. You and Kie just shrugged as John B sighed, “JJ?”

“They were straight smugglin'.” He answered

“Smuggling, really?” you asked.

“Yup,” John B asserted, “And I guarantee there's a serious amount of contraband.”  

“Hell, yeah,” JJ hooted. His line gave a sharp tug and he struggled to keep control as he reeled in it. “Fish on!”

The group decided that it would be a good idea to throw a kegger in order to “lay low”. Somehow this always seemed to happen, but regardless you helped Kie carry the red solo cups onto the beach and placed them next to the keg. You felt an arm rest again your shoulder and when you turned your head your eyes met JJ’s

“Hey hey,” you said to him, moving your arm to wrap it around his waist, “who will be your claim tonight? Pogue or touron?”

JJ was notorious for accumulating at least one hook-up from each of the Boneyard parties. You were able to hold your own every now and then managing to find a cute boy to occupy you for the night, but it wasn’t quite your thing as it was JJ’s.

“I don’t know, think I’m getting kinda over it,” he said shrugging avoiding your gaze. You head did a double take as you whacked his chest.

“JJ Maybank, over hook-ups at keggers? I think the world is ending!” You spoke melodramatically, placing the back of your hand against your forehead and pretending to faint onto him. He let out a small laugh as he grabbed your body that had fallen across his. You stood up again smiling back at him.

“Yeah, think I just want something… I don’t know, different?” in said in a questioning tone. You furrowed your brows at him. You could see the look on his face was stone-cold serious and it confused you. In all the years you had known JJ he had never spoken about relationships like this. You ruffled his hair as you joked with him to lighten the mood again,

“My little boy’s growing up!” you giggled as he picked you up off your feet and tossed you over his shoulder, a joking ‘piss off’ escaping his lips.

He placed you on your feet again before running off to give John B and Pope the drinks he’d originally come to the keg for. As watched him swagger away juggling the three drinks, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to the thought of JJ wanting that relationship with you. Although you met John B first, he was more like a brother, you had always seen JJ differently. Like when he’d run a hand through his hair to put his cap on backwards your breath would catch in your throat. Or when you could feel your skin spark when he would grab your waist as he picked you up to toss you in the water. Or when you could feel your stomach drop and heart sink every time, he would get close to another girl.

You had always had a thing for JJ, but you knew the rule: no Pogue-on-Pogue macking. But it was killing you. You huffed as you took post next to Kie on the log, taking a huge gulp of your beer.

“You good?” she asked at the sight of your clearly distressed demeanour. “Let me guess, JJ?”

“Shh,” you shushed her placing your hand vigorously over her mouth. “Be quiet, I told you that in confidence.”

You and Kie, being the only two girls, would go to each other for anything that even entered the realm of emotional. The other boys just didn’t understand the need to articulate one’s feelings. You had told Kie about your crush on JJ a few months prior, and she had listened like a best friend should. But she agreed with you when you expressed your concerns about ruining your friendship. As much as you liked him, your friendship with him and the other Pogues was something you had to consider if you decided to risk it on a potential relationship.

“But yes, it is JJ. He said something super weird about not wanting to hook-up with anyone cause he wants something “different”.” You said, emphasising the different and looking at her with a bewildered expression. She hummed as she sipped her drink, clearly mulling over the information.

“That’s good though, right?” she asked, “he might like you too then?”

You shook your head at her,

“No, he said “different”, Kie. I’m normal, someone he sees every day. We’re routine.”

“I guess,” she shrugged. As you remembered what had been playing on the back of your mind, you perked up.

“Although,” you dragged out looking at her with pure excitement. She raised her eyebrows at your tone, “what we really need to talk about is you and John B,” you said nudging her with your elbow.

She looked down shyly, “what’s there to know?” she said playing dumb.

“Oh, come on Kie! You kissed him!”

“I did not,” she said sternly, “I only kissed him on the cheek,” she said flipping her over her shoulder.

You kept your eyes trained her as you narrowed them. She looked at you expectantly before she rolled her eyes.

“No! Y/N, god no! I don’t like him, okay? Not like that.” She said giving you a shove which made your coy smile slip slowly from your face. “I’m just worried about him.”

She looked over to where John B was chatting to a girl with long blonde hair. You nodded, accepting her answer as you felt a body sit beside you. You turned to see the usual mop of blonde hair that was usually in your face. Kie smiled as she slid her sunglasses off her face and onto your nose. You laughed as she did, saying she was going to go chat to John B.

You slyly turned around to JJ, the red, love heart sunnies on your eyes. As you did you slid them down your nose and popped your elbow on your hip, giving him a pout.

“What do you think?” you asked him cheekily.

“I mean you’ve looked worse,” he joked.

“Oh, shut up JJ!”

***

You heard the sound of fist hitting skin, followed the commotion of yelling. You looked up from your conversation with Pope to see Topper tackling JJ. You and Pope ran to the front of group that was forming. By the time you were there JJ was out of the equation and John B was shoving Topper.

“We’re supposed to be incognito remember?” Pope yelled. Sarah was trying to break up the fight, but Topper landed a punch on John B face. JJ went to go forward, but you put your hands against his chest.

“Nuh, uh.” You said holding him back. You looked down at your face with an aggressive expression but relaxed once he met your eyes. He lightly shoved your hands off his chest, huffing as the two of you turned to watch the scene unfold.

“Hey, John B, don't make me drown you like your old man, all right?” you heard Topper growl. JJ held your shoulders as he saw your body go to move forwards, as rage heated your insides.

“Fight, fight, fight!” the crowd kept chanting as John stayed crouched in the water. John B grunted as he tackled Topper into the water.

“Stop you guys!” you heard Kie yell as the boys continued to wrestle. John B nabbed a punch straight into Topper’s face.

“That's what I'm talking' about” JJ jeered.

“Come on!” “You wanna go?” “Come onnnn!”

The boys were yelling viscously at one another as they sized each other up. Topper landed a sharp blow to John B’s nose making him stumble back into the water.

“Stop!” the scream ripped from your throat. It hurt you to see someone doing this to John B.

“Come on, Topper! Let’s go!” John B yelled at him, fire in his eyes as he pounded his chest.

Topper flipped John B into the water and pinned his face down. John B’s arms flailed as he struggled.

“He’s drowning him!” Pope said, distressed.

“I know,” Kie replied with an equally amount of anxiety laced in her voice.

“We need to do something!” you looked around helplessly.

You saw JJ move from beside you and lift his hand up to Topper’s hand brandishing something black and sleek and metal. You heard it click. Oh no.

“Yeah, you know what that is,” JJ spoke menacingly, pushing the barrel further to Topper’s head, “Your move, broski.”

“Chill dude!” Pope called.

“JJ,” you said warningly, stepping towards him both arms outstretched.

“Put the gun down,” Sarah said calmly. JJ didn’t even move to face her as he fired back,

“Did you say somethin', princess?”

“We're good. We're good.” Topper said, his arms raised in surrender. “All right? Come on, man!”

“Y/N can you check your psycho friend, please?” Sarah yelled gesturing to JJ. You moved towards him as he pushed Topper to the ground. You placed your arms on his shoulders “JJ, please” but he pushed you aside as he charged forward.

“Okay, everyone, listen up!” his voice billowed across the boneyard, “Get the hell off our side of the island!”

He fired the gun into the air twice.  

“Are you crazy?” “You idiot!” “It’s not worth it!”

Pope and Kiara were screaming at JJ. “I was saving his life okay?”

Topper and Sarah had bolted once the gun had fired. You turned to see John B struggle to rise up from the water, only to slump and fall back in, water gushing over him again.

“Guy!” you called to them, but they were still yelling – “You're gonna jeopardize everything” – and you knew you couldn’t move John B alone. You grasped his head to keep his head above water so he could breath as you shouted again, “HEY!” there was gravel in your voice as you used all your might to get their attention. The three of them instantly pivoted towards you, taken aback from your uncharacteristic show of aggression towards your friends, “help me.”

You all managed to get John B back to the Chateau. Between the four of you, you managed to carry him inside and lay him on his bed. You had been silent the whole time, all of you, not daring to be the first to speak.

Pope, the often peace maker piped up first, “I think I’m gonna head home.”

Usually after a kegger you would all pass out, still mildly drunk on any surface at John B’s, but after tonight’s events, none of you wanted to stick around much.

“Me too. I’ll drop you,” Kie said. She gave you a small smile and wave as she and Pope exited the room. You were standing in the doorway of John B’s bedroom, observing at his passed-out body. He was breathing fine, just exhausted. So, you came to the conclusion that he would be fine, just needed a decent sleep. You could see the bruise forming on his face, so you made a mental note to check on it and make sure he iced it when you inevitably saw him the next morning.

JJ was sitting on the end of the pull-out couch. He watched the back of your body as you leant against the door frame. He did not dare to say a word to you before you spoke to him. By the glare you had given him as you gathered everyone’s things as he and Pope lugged John B’s body home, he knew you were furious.

He looked like a wounded puppy when turned around to face him.

“Want a ride?” you asked. All he could do to answer was nod.

You drove in silence all the way to JJ’s house. Usually you would just have him stay at your house. Your stepdad was usually oblivious to your actions and your mum didn’t really care what you did as long as you were safe, so JJ was always welcomed. But not by you tonight, not after what he did. No matter how much you wanted him to stay and not have to be in a house with his dad. You needed time to cool off.

You switched the engine of your car off as you pulled into the grassed drive of his house. You sighed as you ran a hand through your hair.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said keeping your eyes trained forward.

“Y/N…” JJ started but you cut him off.

“No,” you said holding your hand up in front of him. His brows were furrowed together, and his eyes were glassy, and it made you feel terrible. But he needed to hear what you had to say, “what you did tonight was so fucking stupid, JJ. I hate Topper as much as you do but you could have killed him.”

JJ went to open his mouth, but you raised your hand before he could speak.

“I know he was drowning John B, but you didn’t have to pull a gun on him. Word of this is gonna spread, and there’s gonna be consequences to that. I don’t want to see you get hurt,” you looked him directly in the eyes. You could see an emotion flash over them, was it guilt? It was something you definitely hadn’t seen before. You felt some tears well up in your eyes. “You’re just so reckless sometimes JJ. You’re gonna get yourself killed! So please, just think a little more next time okay?” you begged him as a single tear slipped from your eye. You hastily wiped it as he nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling you in for a hug. You wrapped your arms as far around his torso as you could from across the center console.

“S’okay, I just worry about you.”

“I know,” he said pulling back. He kept one hand outstretched on your arm, rubbing small circles with his fingers. “Please don’t cry.”

You laughed as you sniffled and wiped your nose with the back of your hand.

“You know I get emotional, especially when I’m drunk,” you laughed. He joined with you, but it wasn’t quite genuine as it usually was. He sheepishly looked forward, avoiding your gaze, “but thanks for the most awkward hug of my life.”

This grabbled a candid cackle from the back of throat as you smiled.

“Yeah remind me to not try and have a moment over the gear stick of a car again,” he said locking his eyes with yours.

“Ahaha, yeah…” you said, holding his stare.

“Yeah,” he responded still looking deeply into your eyes.

You don’t know how long you stayed like that. Time moved differently with JJ. Eventually, he cleared his throat and opened his door, triggering the inside light. You cringe at the brightness after having stared at JJ eyes in the dim for so long.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked standing in the door, crouching down to make eye contact.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you affirmed. JJ shut the door with a solid thunk and wandered inside his shack.

You took a deep breath as you pressed the start engine button. You rested your head against the steering wheel as you groaned: what was this boy doing to you?

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