#kuwei yul bo fanfiction

[appolinyou]

AU in which everything could have been fine and even then they would have found each other.

Jesper extorts food for entering the tent, Nina is cool again even though she doesn't understand how to wear a sari, and Inej is just having a good time

[cawcawbeech]

SIX OF CROWS AND KISSING !!

(Welcome to this silly but intricate guide nobody asked for)

Just so everybody knows and is fully aware, I literally never kissed anybody in my whole damn life. I dont much care to try (for now) unless your name is Amita fucking Suman (jkjk, or not), but that doesnt mean I didnt do some very extensive research on the topic just so I can write what are hopefully non-generic scenes where all of my favorite characters make out till the following sunrise without a single other thought plaguing their empty little minds (exception being if the said thought is used to deepen 'the plot').

Before I say much else, I would like to note that THIS is just a very detailed bullet point list on kissing for all of my boys and girls separate of their partners assigned to them in canon or by the fandom. We will get to how it would actually go in different scenarios with different ships a bit later on if I decide it wont be a waste of my time. PS: No, not every kiss / kisser has to be extraordinary or unique or have whatever traits I ended up slapping on these characters here, Im just extra like that. And its not like anybody can stop me. Deal with it and simply enjoy (whatever this may be)!

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JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY

Jesper has had his fair share of practice in this particular field, we all know it. That is no reason to say that he is a perfect kisser, there are many who have done way more, constantly brag about it, and yet still leave you disappointed. But, this is Jesper we are talking about. Kuwei has said that he is a great kisser too, I choose to trust him on that. That joke he made to cheer up Wylan at Olendaal, the one about kissing Nina / Matthias 'with tongue', it doesnt have to mean anything, but I like to think he is a tongue kind of guy. I also like to think that he is adaptable to any type of person though, he aims to please through-and-through. It saddens me to look deeper, to think about how that may be a result of his low self-esteem, but in moments like these, it makes him happy most of the time, and it is all I could hope for when it comes to my boy.

The first relationship he had been a witness to, the one his mother and father shared before her death, had been a very healthy one. I wouldnt call Colm the perfect father, certainly not after his wife was gone, albeit he is significantly better compared to the hands the rest of our favourite characters have been dealth with, but he was good to Aditi. Most kids, including myself, were the type to be grossed out by PDA, especially when its between their parents, and while thats not in any way a bad thing, we can clearly see that Jesper was not of that type.

Despite his many faults, he was raised fairly well. He knows how to make a comfortable environment, to recognize a clear invitation, what to ask and what not to ask, what is acceptable and what he shouldnt do without a more in-depth discussion. He knows how to create and opportunity where one could deny him if they so wished. I wouldnt say its some overly high bar to jump over, if anything it is the most basic standard any and all should hold themselves to, but I call Jesper 'the consent king' for a reason.

Its said in the book that his mind empties when he kisses the right person, that thinking of methaphors clearly means something is wrong, but hes still pretty descriptive in his POVs if you ask me. Its also very clear that he likes to kiss deep, slow, and involve other sensations throughout which is the part where Id like to include some of my very own hcs (slight temperature / texture play where he drags his rings over skin, hair pulling is a given but I can see him also liking to touch peoples ears a lot, talking in between and whispering during the few subtly initiated pauses, etc). Jespers favourite type of kiss would probably be those he iniciates as soon as he wakes up in the morning. It rains often in Ketterdam, its normal, so he would also probably be one of the rare creatures among the regular Kerch citizens who finds kissing in the rain romantic.

KAZ BREKKER (RIETVELD)

Kaz will have to go through some major healing first, no doubts about that, but Id say he would probably be one of the elite members of the 'Im keeping my eyes open for this' club (until he isnt). I doubt he does much analyzing during, mentally he is on another planet thats probably many lightyears away as he tends to do with a lot of other even remotely intimate things, but theres lots of squinting, eyelid fluttering... Kaz is basically a personafication of that cliche 'when did I close them' quote. In my own experience, I can barely hold eye contact when talking, but I dont really see this as a bad trait. I also dont see it as a trauma response either like some would assume it would be for Kaz, I think its just a him thing. If this man didnt want to kiss somebody, you would not be kissing him, end of.

He likes to focus on teeth, whether by unconsciously (or consciously) biting his partner, having your teeth bump into each other, or licking his own after youre done. Theres lots of shuddering, youll feel him there more than youll hear him, but he is not completely silent either. I dont think he would like beeing cornered, picked up or lifted in any way except on very rare occasions. Just like the pulse thing where he feels for it on the wrist (or neck once he is more comfortable), feeling his weight including the pain of his leg serves to ground him. Perhaps he might also like feeling of you breathing through your nose on his face for the same reasons? He doesnt like leaving things unfinished, even if its just a peck, he will make sure it feels 'complete', I dont know how else to put it. If anybody could overuse the words "Again?", it would be Kaz motherfucking Brekker.

Im in no way saying he will be good, in fact, theres lots of traits here that many wouldnt like, but he tries when he wants to (and again, you would not be kissing this man if he didnt want it), he will learn and he will remember the smallest of details (so that he can ponder over them later). The only thing we hear about Kazs appearance related to his mouth is that there is a scar running through his upper lip. I never got it when people talked about kisses having a taste, but Kaz seems to often call people light-weight, so clearly, he handles his alcohol well, perhaps having developed such a habit to settle down his own supposedly non-existent nerves. It might not be the main reason, we heard about him being on the receiving end of many fights that in certain circumstances and with the ways they are handled lead to similar results, but liquor does leave one dehydrated and with chapped lips.

WYLAN VAN ECK (HENDRIKS)

Unless he is particulary fired up, Wylan likes to start slow and chaste no matter if you are the first, the thousanth person he has kissed or just a person he has kissed a thousand times. Unlike Kaz, he has some experience, sheltered kids know how to have fun in secret (and Im the last person who would ignore that 'lie' about him being kicked out for bedding the tutor, theres some truth to everything), but he is also nowhere near the level of Jesper or Nina or Matthias. We know he likes when his partner feels calm and like they are actually in their body before he goes in for the kill, we saw it with Jesper, but we also see that he isnt the type who needs to ask every time and will just do it when 'the time feels right'. Look out, he just might squeeze into your shirt while youre wearing it and do a makeshift 'surprise attack' from there if he is determined enough for it.

From that, we could say he might have some other habits, including but not limited to the familiar one of guiding his partner through breathing patterns. Maybe sometimes he likes to hold onto your forearms more tightly than necessary (not forcefully though), have your knees touch and bump into one another, straighten his own / your items of clothing, compare hand sizes while making weirdly-intense eye contact, use his thumb to subtly rub at a random tensed muscle, touch foreheads if he is tall enough or rub his face along the side of your neck, anything that would focus your attention to him and the moment... Ironically, as a follow up to the last point and as the kiss drags on, he forgets that he is an actual person who has a weight to them and has to lean back against something with the help of his partner before he falls down and cracks his goddamn skull open.

He likes to leave an effect on whoever he is kissing, but he also likes to 'clean up after himself' as much as possible after its done, which once again serves to bring both of you back down. So yeah, he would probably do something like twirling a stay peace of hair around his finger before neatly tucking it back in place, running that same finger across a brow, down the nose or along the jawline, nudging you playfully with his shoulder, hips or elbows, swaying a bit to slowly return the atmosphere back to relaxed as he secretely links your pinky fingers together. Lips would be his main focus, and he especially likes the soothing effect it has when he is sleepy, but he could also grow to like eyelid, nose, tummy or thigh kisses when it comes to placement.

INEJ GHAFA

Inej has had many men kiss her throughout her life, and unfortunately, theres no need to debate whether she truly enjoyed any of them. Oh how I would love to say that every shitty person is also shit at every other skill they try to master, however, that doesnt have to be the case. The fact that she was a brothel girl doesnt have to mean all of her kisses were bad (to specify, that refers to the technique). That being said, I think she would appreciate the message more than the way its done. It also might result in her not exactly caring about the placement of a kiss, palm, knuckles, hair, cheek, neck, lips, any of them would be equally as intimate to her, platonic or otherwise. Its somewhat similar to what Wylan also likes, but very different too once you look further.

As is with Kaz, you would not be kissing the Inej we know now unless she didnt want you to. I probably should have said this earlier, no, I dont mean that any of the other Crows would enjoy a kiss that was not what they wanted, they wouldnt ignore the signs and will fight the person off if needed, but I hope you understand why Im emphasizing it for these two in particular. I think her kisses would be short, but sweet, a petite little package that can deliver a punch under a right set of conditions, just like she can, the same going for her ship. Physically, we know her lips have an upturn to their shape. As is true with alcohol, salt water has the same drying effect that is only made worse by licking.

One other feature that might make Inejs kisses unique is a possibility of her aquiring more jewellery during her travels. I always imagined that the Suli find piercings to be very meaningful. Perhaps she had some since a very young age, perhaps they were taken from her too during her time at the Menagerie, maybe the holes closed naturally over the long months, maybe she got more whilst working for Kaz, and although it was not put there for such a reason, a lip ring (just as an example) has quite a pleasing effect for either side.

She holds a special appreciation for people who remember their first kiss, or at least remember their first kiss with her, a courtesy she will offer in return as well. It takes special kind of brave to get close (she knows better than most) and never lets the feat of overcoming fear go unappreciated. For some reason, I can see her counting the seconds, not for any reason at all. I wouldnt say its something particulary good nor bad, but Inej doesnt give me the 'let me kiss your words away' signals no matter the situation. The phrases that would fit more would be "We will get through this", "Stay strong, for you", "Lets face it together" or "We shall see each other once more". She seems like the type to keep her affairs secret, but at the end of the day, I also dont think she would mind PDA all that much.

KUWEI YUL-BO

I know the fandom likes to joke that Kuwei is the bad kisser between the two, seeing as to how Jesper was left 'disappointed' even before knowing the truth behind who he was actually kissing... But I dont think that had to do much with the kiss itself. We were told that Jesper liked Kuweis body plenty enough, but even if it were really Wylan (both in shape and spirit), Jesper wasnt in the right space, and Kuweis silence and mannerisms didnt do much to help.

Now, this is a personal headcanon, but one of the habits I think he might pick up in the Little Palace would be scratching his nose or covering his mouth before he goes in for a kiss. Or well, I like to imagine that being his tell among all the snarky comebacks, vicious flirting and sly glances. And seeing as to how playful he is with his powers and how much he grows to use them for mischief and otherwise in KOS, I like to think that his face is always warm to the touch as Kuwei himself is constantly touching it. Random instert, this man unironically likes lemons and you will without a doubt taste quite an assortment of teas while with him.

Some people care about the emotional setting, some like keeping it casual, and some like having that perfect mix of both. Kuwei might acknowledge that in different ways and act accordingly, but I also think he might care more about the physical setting and connect good actions with places rather than specific people or mutual feelings. This man is a certified tease, unless you pull him towards you which is exactly what he wants, he is 100%, absolutely ready to keep a partner on the edge of their seat, kiss the corner of their mouth, or maybe with the lips barely touching. Instead of licking his own lips out of habit or to seduce, he would lick yours. Kuwei being a tease might also be a way for him to set up walls? In a sense that hes reminding both himself and the person hes kissing that this is just a kiss and it doesnt mean anything. And when hes kissed by someone he loves and trusts, hes downright pathetic, super soft and annoyingly sweet about it.

I dont know where else to put it so it will have to be here, but I like to think he chewed on his lips a lot as a child and whilst in captivity, leaving him with barely visible indents once he reached adulthood. When it comes to the type, Id say he could end up enjoying goodnight kisses next to the fireplace or lit by the flame in his own hand more than he would like doing anything in the early morning. Kuwei tends to get frustrated and bored easily so that might lead to certain effects as well, more specifically the speed, angle and desperation. He has hid for long enough and doesnt much care about who sees what, only whether they got a nice view from wherever they were standing at the time.

NINA ZENIK

Nina has practiced CPR from a very young age (I wouldnt call any of those a true kiss by any means, but it will make slightly more sense in just a moment), we see her perform one on Kaz in the books without hesitation, so I doubt her first 'kiss' was particularly enjoyable or wholly consentual or that she even remembers it. Perhaps from that, her kisses would grow to be particulary breathy in the future, although that doesnt mean its some kind of rule or that its not just a result of her personality being put into how she goes about it. We already know temple kisses are her thing among some other stuff, but she also doesnt seem to have a similar kind of bond with any other type that is not at neck level or above. Shes fine with them, but always seems to go to certain spots herself when she has a choice, singing and laughing through all of it. As Matthias tends to say a lot, the chase is a game to her, whether on top or beneath, she still wins.

Her skin is said to be soft, and supposedly so are her lips, plus the girl is a Heartrender and that surely results in many privileges. Surprisingly enough, I wouldnt say she is particularly experienced in the world of romance, even if her talent at sweet-talking might suggest otherwise. Perhaps shes had flings, one or two, maybe even a relationship at some point, but I dont see much more in my visions of her backstory. "Dont you want to play with me?" and "Cant you handle it?" are some of the repeating phrases in her vocabulary, but oh, it only gets worse once she feels well and truly romanced, swept off her feet as one might say, and that takes lots of effort. Its a good thing we know Nina has some high expectations, that way all of us can be her personal wingmen.

If anybody could obtain the famous movie achievement of leaving a string of saliva to connect her lips with her partners for just a few more moments, it would be Nina. Speaking of such things, she may also be the only one for who the 'let me kiss you against this wall so that they dont spot us' scenario might actually work (in theory), or at least give her enough time to incapacitate them during their confusion since she tends to be quite loud appearance wise. Likes being attended to and coddled, and no kiss has a chance without a firm grab or two. Will die if you do a tango dip with her in your arms. She is one of the biggest fans of mistletoes and finds it extremely romantic. Sometimes, when she is invited to watch a play or show, she will turn around and kiss her partner whenever the actors do. "Consider me madly in love. With the kisses, not you. ... But maybe also you if you did it again."

MATTHIAS BENEDIK HELVAR

And finally, we have our romantic-at-heart of the group, Matthias. Now, his and Ninas romance is the most obvious and out-in-the-open throughout the whole duology, and frankly he is the one I had the most trouble with writing, but the difference between seeing their first kiss from Ninas perspective and the one of Matthias is that theirs was his first kiss ever. All of his actions leading up to it, as well as those after, are a promise in some way or another, and Im not only talking about his vow to her. Nothing could have prepared me for when he lifted Nina straight off her feet and held her there as he kissed her, yet it was also the most in-character thing he ever could have done.

Matthias will absolutely, every time, start an hour long conversation on what led him to this moment, if it is the right time, the right place, the right everything... He will continue up until he himself is basically internally shouting at his own mouth to shut itself (he has very low patience despite everything mentioned above) or his partner takes the initiative themselves. The second option is prefered by both parties and a 5-star whine is the expected plus-one to excellent service. He is the type to gulp when you get too close. Will go mad if you can tell when he is holding on by a thread despite his lack of many facial expressions, especially if told something along the lines of "Just lose control, love".

He is particularly sensitive for textures. All humans are to some extent, the lips have more nerve endings in them than fingertips, but Matthias is the one who is fullfilled by it the most and frequently says stuff related to it like "Are you wearing chapstick?" or "I can feel the dip of your scar". Often acknowledges indirect kisses. Matthias has once said that kissing isnt about romance, that it should be proper and only done as a follow up to a conventional Fjerdan courtship, and while lots about him has changed during his canonical relationship with Nina, I think he might still enjoy going through at least some of these with somebody who might appreciate his efforts. Matthias is still highly religious even if he is now seeing the world from another perspective and there are some cultural things that for him go deeper than just tradition. In a very specific headcanon of mine, he has grown up fantasizing about having to lift up your chin to do it, and so now he does so even with taller partners who can reach his mouth just fine.

He would 100% take the 'Will you love me if I was a worm' jokes way too seriously. "How am I supposed to handle a worm? I could hold a butterfly, maybe kiss you if you were a wolf (but thats after a very extensive inspection of your molars)". Kisses the back of your neck after putting on a necklace. Pretends that lipstick stains dont turn him on to the highest setting.

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[sissytobitch10seconds]

My Two Worlds, Colliding

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows Summary: A necessary question for Kuwei brings Jesper down a conversational path he really doesn't like, which results in him locked in a room with nothing but the guard's clothing that he stole from the Ice Court. Several years later, his pack makes it up to him. Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, estrus cycles, polyamory, implied past abuse, mental distress, Jesper Fahey whump, masturbation, smut, and implications of mpreg Word Count: 18,609 Ship(s): Jesper Fahey/Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa/Nina Zenik/Matthias Helvar/Wylan Van Eck

Archive link!

A/N: So I want to be clear here: There is no rape or non/con in this. The angst comes from Jesper's heat mind not having what it needs because they're stranded in the middle of the ocean. That's where the angst comes from, not total bodily harm like a lot of other ABO fics. If this still isn't your thing then I totally understand but for those of you that are interested: Welcome! I hope you guys have some happy reading and love this pack just as much as I do. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

My Two Worlds, Colliding

A Grishaverse: Six of Crows Fanfiction

A Jesper Fahey/Inej Ghafa/Nina Zenik/Matthias Helvar/Wylan Van Eck/Kaz Brekker Fanfiction

By Sissytobitch10seconds

The first time that Jesper boarded the Ferolind he was the only omega on the crew.

That wasn’t really surprising seeing as they were leaving to Fjerda around the spring. While suppressants were common in Kerch, unlike places like the Wandering Isles where birth control was basically unheard of, they had adverse affects on omegas. They had been made to give the influence of pregnancy hormones on the body to try and convince either gender that had an estrus that they didn’t need to do it. There was a slightly different tincture for alphas than for omegas because the responses that their body gave to each herb was slightly different, but they basically did the same thing.

When taking suppressants, which was a requirement in the Barrel, they often made omegas sick. Barrel Bosses very rarely gave mated couples time off and it was considered bad form to have an estrus room for anything other than emergencies in gang hide outs. If an omega when into heat without a mate to defend them from other alphas or betas, then it was possible they could become pregnant or mated without their consent and that business was much too messy. The sickness made omegas sluggish and slightly queasy, so during the time that their estrus would normally be happening, they were put on easier work to make sure that they didn’t feral.

Jesper was getting his suppressants from Novyi Zem, though. He got his mail from the University District where it was stashed in a PO box by a beta that he was supposed to be making sure didn’t get hurt by the other gangs. He felt a bit bad about scamming the poor boy, but he liked being able to keep in touch with his father without having to explain everything that had happened to him. Colm would send a yearly supply of the suppressants that Jesper had used since he had first begun to have his heats at fourteen-years-old. 

The plants in the tincture that he used were only able to grow in Novyi Zem and that made them extremely expensive to ship across the seas to a tiny island nation like Kerch. The mercher wives got to have the suppressants that didn’t make them ill, but no one without a contact in the country got to have the smoother experiences when living in the Barrel.

The difference in his contraception compared to the other omegas in the Crow Club along with his relationship to Kaz made it a shoe-in that he would be along for the ride, as well as the only omega to board.

He knew everyone that they were working with, with the exception of Matthias, so he wasn’t scared. They would be able to smell the underlying estrus when it came but he knew that none of them would try to make a move on him. If they did, then Kaz would understand it he blew a hole into one or two hands.

---

The second time that Jesper boarded the Ferolind, he was one of two omegas.

They had just finished the Ice Court heist, including pushing their way through a team of Druskelle and an entire army that had their own tanks. The ship was whirling as quickly as it could away from the harbor and into the safety of neutral waters. They would be lost amongst the rolling waves and deep black of the sky, an anonymous ship full of anonymous people.

Nina was wandering towards the prow of the ship now, her eyes blown wide with the jurda parem that she had taken so that they could get through the crowd that had been threatening them. Jesper still felt guilty for not being the one to take the drug so that she could be spared that life of misery. He wondered only briefly if he should take the rest from Kuwei so that he could draw it from her body since she was so much more useful to Kaz than he was.

The thought was purged from his mind when he was reminded how useless he was. Kaz informed him that he was the one that had let it slip that they were going to be leaving Kerch and when. If he had taken the rest of the drug then he wouldn’t have been able to help Nina, he probably just would have died on the spot. There was nothing that he could do. Wylan had said it best, they didn’t need a sharpshooter for many of the jobs that they were doing.

He came to sit down on the steps that led up to the steering wheel and stared at the mast as it shook with the wind, held tight by the ropes that Specht was checking. He watched Kaz approach Kuwei, his dark eyes glancing the boy up and down. “Are we going to have to worry about you trying to seduce the crew?”

“Are you asking me if I’m going to have an estrus?” Kuwei asked, wrinkling his nose at the implication.

“Yes,” Kaz rasped. Sometimes it was hard to believe that Kaz had the same body and hormonal changes that the rest of them did. Jesper couldn’t even see in his mind’s eye overcome with want and begging to knot someone. Well, maybe he actually could. It would be less like begging and more like demanding with those tricky hands unlocking whoever he chose to spend his rut with. 

Just the thought of it made his cheeks heat up and slick dribble out from his folds. He pressed his hands to his legs and then shrank in on himself as he drove the mental images out. He stretched up into the sky so that the cool sea air could rid himself of the warmth, not that it seemed to be working very well.

“I have a permanent suppressant,” Kuwei said. He rolled up his sleeve and pointed to a scar about as long as his finger on his forearm.

“Permanent?” Kaz asked, raising his brow like he didn’t believe a word of what the boy had said.

“Yes. It’s something that my father made before he even began working on the parem. It made it easier for him to take me with him so that he could be sure that I was protected,” he explained with a small shrug. His Kerch was lilted and awkward, especially since Nina wasn’t there to translate for them. “I will not go into heat for five years or until it is removed.”

“That would be so convenient,” Jesper groaned, allowing his head to roll back so that he was staring up at the stars. His cheeks felt heated and he was beginning to get slightly sweaty, which should have been helped by the cool air around him. He shrugged off his jacket and left it next to him for only a moment before he grabbed the material between his fingers. He brushed his fingertips over the cuff a couple of times to feel the velvety texture of the garment that he had stolen. He didn’t know how he had managed to get away with it all, being both Zemini and an omega without a scentblocker, but now all he could think about was how wonderful it would be if he had the uniforms that Kaz, Wylan, and Matthias had been wearing too.

Suddenly, he felt something long and hard hit his leg. His head snapped up from where he was staring down at the silver trim on the jacket and he locked eyes with none of other than the alpha that he had just been thinking about. “Jesper,” Kaz almost snarled. His coffee-dark eyes were flickering with an emotion that Jesper was too tired to place. The adrenaline must have been wearing off, he always felt exhausted an hour or two after a firefight.

“What?” he asked, almost sleepily.

“Go downstairs and find one of the rooms. Lock yourself in and then slide the key under the door. When the time comes, we’ll let you out,” he said. He was speaking in short bursts, like he had to push the words out from between his teeth instead of explaining it like he was speaking to a child as he normally did.

“Why would I do that?” he snorted. He didn’t want to go into the berth of the ship where it would be hot and stuffy. Though the more he thought about it, a lot of the rooms also contained extra fabric meant to mend sails and some blankets in case they got cold during the night. He could find his extra clothing and then some of the blankets to bring them back up to the deck where everyone else was.

Almost as soon as that thought passed through his mind, he realized why he was being banished. “Oh,” he whimpered. “I took my suppressants before we left Ketterdam like I always do, I should be set for the season.”

Matthias walked over to him now, moving awkwardly like he wasn’t sure whether or not he belonged there. “Did they give you anything when you were processed through the prison?”

Jesper and Inej had both had to go separate ways from the others when they were being processed because they were the only two members of the crew that hadn’t been alphas. Jesper had gone with a single other omega, and then Inej had been in the group with the most people out of the three. Since they had been alone, he hadn’t thought anything of the way that he had been treated. He had nothing to compare it to and none of them had really had time to talk about how their experiences getting checked into the Ice Court had been.

“I guess so, but I thought that was something to keep us from feraling or de-mate us or something,” he explained. There were tinctures for that in Kerch, usually used by sex workers who had a customer that was too close to their estrus or thought that ownership would pass to them if they feigned a mistake.

“It was something to clear your system of all drugs that you might have taken. In Fjerda, we do not believe that anyone should stop the process of their estrus for any reason. We believe that it is a blessing from Djel and thus should always be used,” Nina explained as she drifted back over to where they were. She looked like a goddess, moving fluidly and gracefully thanks to the drug coursing through her system. They all knew that she wouldn’t be like that for long.

Her pupil-blown gaze drifted over the rest of them and then she let out a little sigh, “None of the rest of us got the reversal drug. I think that they were coming to us later in the rounds.”

“They never anticipated us making an escape,” Wylan nodded in understanding.

“I-I have to go,” Jesper mumbled as he tugged himself up onto his feet. He grasped the uniform in his hands for a moment longer before he left the heavy jacket where it was. He didn’t want to send any of the alphas into their rut and scenting it so that it no longer smelled like the guard he had stolen it from would definitely do that to them.

He ducked down into the stairs that led into the hold of the ship and headed toward the room that he had slept in when they were coming to Fjerda. He didn’t have time to go through the rest of the rooms so that he could find clothing and other such items to make a nest, he had to get locked away so that the others could be far away from him. It would be an absolute disaster if he ended up launching them all into their estrus despite their attempts to keep that from happening. It was just another way that his being there was destroying everything Kaz had so carefully worked to protect.

Jesper shut the door behind him and then locked it before he poked the key through the hole up at the top that let in fresh air. He knew when he was back in the right state of mind they would give it back to him and he would be free to leave. He heard the metal tinkle as it hit the ground, and then the shuffling of someone picking it up. He wasn’t able to smell who it was, they had to have thick clothing over their scent glands for him to not be able to pick anything up when he was already so deeply in his pre-heat.

It was a wonder that he hadn’t already gotten the urge to nest, though he supposed that was partially the fault of the grand escape that they had just made from the most secure prison in the entire world. Just the thought of the nest that he had been planning when he was back up on the deck rushed through him like the worst impulse he had ever had. Jesper had wanted to do a lot of things in his life, most of which would have been very bad for him and hurt him greatly, but this wasn’t one of them. A nest would protect and comfort him during his heat, would keep him safe from the people that had just wanted to hurt him. It would make his pack so wonderfully comfortable, enough that they may forgive him for not being a good omega for them.

He turned around and surveyed what he was going to be working with. There was a hammock strung from the top of the room like every sleeping chamber except for the captain’s quarters, which had a bed so that Kaz could get in and out of it easier. There was a massive barrel full of water so that he could stay hydrated during his heat and then a container of dried foods. They had provided him with things that would keep him alive, which made his instinctive hind brain preen.

However, there was nothing soft or even remotely made out of fabric. Part of him was aware that the preparation for his heat was last-minute, something that none of them had seen coming and thus couldn’t really prepare for, but it hurt him to know that. Did his pack not think that he could make them a good nest? Did they not want him to make them safe? None of the others were omegas, there was no one that could make a nest better than he could. It was in his nature, it was what he was supposed to do as the lowest ranking member of the pack.

His mind was becoming too swamped with the need for skin-to-skin touch for him to think about it rationally for very long. He was so hot and so uncomfortable. His smalls were already sticking to his body with the amount of slick that was dripping from his folds. The entire room was already flooded with the scent of brandy and rich brown bread, his scent.

Jesper walked over to the hammock and then began to strip out of his clothing. There was a single blanket and pillow inside, both of them containing ties that would keep them to the apparatus if they hit difficult seas. He undid the ties and then shoved the items into the places where they actually belonged before he tucked the clothing into the nest.

The smell of the beta that he had taken the uniform from back in the Ice Court was still clinging to the heavy clothing. It was wool, scratchy and uncomfortable, and it smelled like bitter melon. He didn’t like the way it smelled, it was a stranger’s scent mixed with his own. It reminded him too much of what he had done and the danger that they had just been in. He couldn’t wash them either, he had to save his water for drinking.

So instead he lumped up the clothing and then shoved it into the corner furthest away from where his head would be while he was sleeping. He got up into the hammock and laid back against it, his long legs barely fitting in the folded fabric at the other end. It felt almost like a nest, to have the soft yet sturdy material wrapped around him the way that it was. He needed the scents of the people that he loved to join in with his own, he needed to have something more to pad up the walls and make it softer. The material was almost abrasive against his skin as he began to heat with fever.

“Please,” he whimpered. He only then realized that his cunt was aching with the need for something inside of it. His legs were already sticky with his slick and his knees were beginning to chafe since they didn’t have the lubricant that everything else did.

The omega let his eyes slip shut and then ran his hands down his body to make sure that everything was there. He was remembering the way that it had felt to have Wylan touch him when they were getting their gear on properly, the callouses that he had at the tips of his fingers and along his forefinger from writing and playing instruments. None of the other alphas had touched him that way, they had never wanted to.

The thought was enough to distress him again. He didn’t want to spend his entire heat upset, but that seemed to be the way that things were turning on. Jesper let out a low breath and then led his fingers down to his dripping wet cunt. He only had the self control to run the tips of his fingers down his folds, which sent a shiver up his spine, once before he delved between them to find his opening.

The edge of his vagina ached like nothing ever had before. He was quivering, gaping and open with the need to have something inside of him. He would have settled for fingers or even the scent of someone on the little wooden dildo he had back home. He just wanted something, anything, to fill the gaping black maw that had opened up in his belly and was simply begging for the presence of another person on him.

Jesper couldn’t wait much longer after he had started playing with himself. He let out a small whimper and then dove his fingers further inside of his body so that they were buried up to the knuckle. Somehow, it still wasn’t enough. His hind brain knew that it was only him, that there wasn’t someone there to take his place and tell him how good he was, how wanted and treasured and beloved he was.

If he were any more sober, he would have laughed at the realization that he had switched from Zemini and Kaelish pet names to the Kerch ones that Wylan and Kaz were so fond of. In Novyi Zem, pet names were usually animal related. That was why his mother had called him little rabbit and he had called his first ever girlfriend ‘mare’. In Kerch, the worth of a person was associated to if they were valuable enough to be in a pack or mated to someone. It was a high compliment to be called one of those things, which was part of the reason that he was so confused about why Inej was offended at being called an investment. It was a standard dating compliment, from what Jesper had been able to pick up during his previous daliances.

His brain was too immersed in his head to really have any coherent thoughts, he was lost in the empty pleasure of fucking himself. His own fingers were long and calloused from years of farm and gunwork, nothing like what an omega’s hands should have looked like in the Kerch traditions. They reached so far inside of him that he could almost ignore that fact, though. The tip of his middle finger was pressing to the edge of his cervix the same way that the tip of a cock would if he was being bred. That idea sent a shiver through his body, a moan to his lips, and a gush of slick out from between his legs.

Quickly, his mind began to drift to the pack that he had left up on the prow of the boat. He knew that Kaz called them his Crows, but to Jesper they were his pack. They were more than a flock of birds that defended each other and whispered the secrets of the world into their leader’s ear. They were a family made through the bonds of scent and time. Right now, he desperately wanted them all to be crowded around him with their hands on his body. They would soothe the ache that he was suffering from, lull him into the pace that he craved so desperately. 

He imagined the soft way that Kaz’s hands would feel after being tucked into gloves for years and years, the places that he could reach with his delicate fingers. He imagined how Matthias would grasp him like he was something breakable and fragile instead of taller than any alpha and farm-lanky. He imagined the way that Wylan would kiss up and down his mating gland while playing with Jesper’s clit, cock buried in him but still. He iamgined the way that Nina would hold him down and mewl directly into his ear as she fucked him as hard as she wanted, playing with his orgasm using her powers through his pelvis. He imagined how Inej would hold him after all was said and done, feeding him bits of fruit and bread so that he could keep his strength up.

He had thought that the imagined fantasies would have helped quell the thirst for intimacy, for people that he couldn’t have. Instead it just reminded him that he was so dreadfully alone that he thought he might die. He didn’t even have their scents wrapped around him in his nest, there was nothing but the rough material of the hammock and the foul smell of the alpha he didn’t know in the corner.

“I’ll be good, please, please, please,” Jesper cried out before he realized what he was doing. The only reason that his pack would have withheld their scents from him if he was in heat was if he was bad, he knew that. If he was good, if he had contributed to the pack and actually made people safer, then they would have given him pieces of their clothing so that he would feel less alone when he was in the midsts of his estrus. He would have done that for them, because he loved them and they made him feel safe. Apparently, they didn’t feel the same way towards him because he was lacking in any of the comforts his mother had promised he would get when he found his own pack.

Jesper slowly pulled his fingers from his cunt and then stumbled towards the door. He had to get closer to the others, he had to smell his pack and know that they hadn’t left them. If he was truly bad then they might have abandoned him, wouldn’t they? His alphas and beta were out there, somewhere without him.

“Please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he nearly screamed as he tried to get his voice to carry through the door. He didn’t know where they were, he could only barely smell them. It felt like a memory instead of the remnants of them on clothing like he wanted. He needed them close to him, inside of him, taking care of him. He didn’t want to be bad, he wanted to be loved, even if he didn’t deserve it.

His tricky fingers, still slick with his own juices, moved to the door. He could feel the wood grain bending to his fingers and warping as he tried to get through. He pressed them apart so that they smoothed under his hand and shoved some of the heavy material to the side. He was closer to his alphas and beta than he had been since he had been locked in his room. He would get to them and he would prove that he could be good. He’d get all of his own nesting materials, get all of the food that they needed, absolutely everything. He would present himself to them and show that he was perfect for mating and breeding, that he would give them whatever they wanted and needed.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to focus on his task for very long. He felt so empty, so horny. It felt like he had been on the verge of an orgasm for days now and there was no hope that he would actually reach that top. He couldn’t focus on the tiny particles in the wood, on pulling them apart so that there was a big enough hole that he could escape through. His only hope was to beg until someone came back and got him.

“Please, please, please!” he whimpered. He leaned heavily against the wall while his hand closest to the door continued to drag down the wood over and over again. It was as if some feral part of his mind had decided that if he just kept at it enough, then he would be able to get through and he could do all that he hoped.

The other hand traveled down to his slicked folds. He slipped three fingers home where they belonged, buried to the last knuckle inside of his sweet cunt. He kept his palm pressed to his clit and then began to rut down against himself. There should have been another pair of hips there, a pelvis for him to grind against while a cock buried itself next to his cervix. He was also supposed to have several sets of hands all over him and a pair of teeth or two in his neck and wrist. It was all supposed to be different, this wasn’t what was his first heat with a mate-pack was supposed to look like.

It felt so wrong and awful when the cord in his belly finally snapped and he felt himself release with a massive gush of fluids. They were coating his hand up to the wrist like he had his entire hand inside of himself. He knew that even if he managed to stretch his cunt out that much that it wouldn’t soothe the ache of hurt. He needed a knot, a real knot attached to an alpha. He could make due with a beta as long as it was his sweet Inej, but he didn’t think that she wanted him.

Not when he had almost gotten her killed and not when she had already had to deal with omegas begging her for a knot. He couldn’t imagine what it was like for her, to hear him mewling into the door and crying out for her and the people that she loved. He didn’t want to hurt her, he wanted her and her heart to be close to him.

“I’ll be good, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he wailed. He was still so wound up, and not in the fun way. He had played around with other members of the college and the Dregs since he had come to Ketterdam and was no longer cousins with everyone that was around his age and reasonably nearby. He had practiced orgasm control, gone almost four hours while edging himself in front of an alpha with a leaking cock and a knot just waiting to pound him. It had left him with the best orgasm of his life. 

He had also experimented with multiple orgasms at a time, working himself over the edge at least twelve times before he was so overstimulated he felt like he was going to vomit and quivering. This was nothing like that had been. Back then, he had a couple of minutes for his beta to get their cock hard before they had started again. He had asked for it and known when it was coming, and that he would have been able to say that he wanted to stop at any point. He would have been sated if they had as well, stringy and happy and loose. This was nothing like that. He was going to remain as tightly wound as a new piece of rope until he passed out from his fever.

His entire body was so hot that he was sweating, which left him sticky. He didn’t want to be sticky. He wanted Wylan to call him a good boy while cleaning him off, kissing the hickies that Kaz had left in his wake. Then Nina and Matthias would come in with food that Inej had helped them make. He didn’t know where she would want to be in their house when they went into estrus, but he hoped she would take care of him.

None of his mates were here. It was only then that he reminded himself that they weren’t even courting him. Nina and Matthias were courting each other, as much as one could court another person while trying to break out of prison and smuggle a human across international waters, that was. Wylan and Inej had already hit it off and Jesper was half convinced that Inej and Kaz had mated and just forgotten to tell anyone. That meant that no one was courting Jesper.

He supposed that he should have already known that. No one had brought him anything soft for his nest or anything shiny to wear so that people would know who he belonged to. No one had even tried to figure out a food he liked so he could have more energy for them.

“Please, I’ll be good, I promise I can be good,” Jesper called as he collapsed against the door. It seemed almost fitting that he would start crying then, seeing as he was already coated with his own fluids. He was dripping slick down his legs as he plunged his fingers in and out of his cunt to try and simulate what it would be like to have a knot in him, satiating the need that was eating him from the inside out. Sweat rolled down his chest and back in disgusting rivulets. The only solace that he got was the cool of the wood that he was pressed against.

It felt almost poetic for his entire life, to find comfort in the very thing that was keeping him from what would really help him.

---

He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, but he woke feeling even worse than he had when he first got into his heat. His fingers were still buried in his aching cunt and his entire body was sticky. He knew that he had had a forced cold spell, brought on when his body was too hot and exhausted to go on instead of having been knotted and filled with enough cum that he had to process it before he took more.

Jesper felt like shit internally too. He dragged himself over to the barrel of water after removing his fingers from his folds. He didn’t even bother trying to wipe them off on any of the fabric items in the room. The clothing that he had stolen from a strange, unknown alpha didn’t deserve his slick and the hammock was the closest thing that he had to a nest.

He dipped his hands down into the water and brought it to his face so that he could drink, long and languid. The water felt like heaven as it slid down his throat and quenched the thirst that his body was shaking with. He had lost so much water through the slick, sweat, and tears. He should have been given water during his cold spell, but he had slept most of the way through it.

Already, he could feel the heat beginning to return to him. It was burning just underneath his skin, waiting for the moment that it could rise to the surface and completely overwhelm him. He had to make sure that he ate and drank enough to last him through another hot spell, or else he would get heatsick. 

That wasn’t an option, even if it wasn’t really his fault.

He had hurt Inej by spilling where they were going and why, giving Pekka the ability to sabotage their ship. Then he had fucked so many little things up when they were in the Ice Court and trying to do their job. He was already burdening the whole crew by having to go through his heat when they were dealing with so many other things. He couldn’t burden them by feraling or getting heat sick, not when that usually took a month or more of careful attendance to return from.

He collapsed down next to the barrel after he had consumed enough water that his stomach felt uncomfortably full. He was barely sated on it, though, because it was cool when the rest of him was so warm. He grabbed the box of rations and then pried it open to see what had been left for him. 

There was a bag full of dried apples, sealed properly so that they wouldn’t rot. There was also a pack of ship’s biscuits wrapped in the paper that they had been purchased in. The only thing that looked remotely appetizing was the little packet of beef jerky that Specht had packed for himself.

Tears welled in his eyes as he realized that the only person who had thought to bring meat was now having to share it with the oblivious, stupid omega who couldn’t think a single hour in the future. Jesper knew that he had to eat a balanced diet when he was in his heat because otherwise he would end up getting very sick, but that didn’t change the way that he felt. He knew that Specht had known exactly what to pack for their voyage because of his time in the navy, so he knew that the jerky had come from him alone. 

He ripped open the package and then stuck the first stick of dried meat into the side of his mouth. He gnawed on it enough to get it to break and then took the chunk further into the mouth. By the time that he had shredded it enough to swallow, his jaw ached with the force of it. He forced down the entire portion of it, though, and then several of the dried apple slices. He’d had enough water that he didn’t want to risk soaking the ship’s biscuit in it until the next time that he had a cold spell.

Jesper yanked himself up from the ground and walked back over to the corner with the door. He could see the mark that he had made in the door, perfectly shaped to his palm and long fingers while being about half an inch thick. Couldn’t the others tell how badly he wanted them? They wouldn’t even have to fuck the heat out of him, they could just sit at the edge of his nest and let him know that he was safe, that he wasn’t alone.

He knew that was selfish, though. None of the alphas that he was interested in deserved an omega like him, one that didn’t know his place and could’t provide properly. He screwed everything up even when he had been directly told by the leader of his pack what he was meant to do. Jesper slowly sank down to the same place by the door and tried not to think about how sore his clit was from his first session.

By the time that his second heat wave hit, he felt sick again.

His skin felt so sensitive that he was half worried that it would begin to peel off if someone did actually touch him, but at the same time he needed the physicality of being touched more than he had ever needed something before. He could almost feel the phantom hands pulling at his arms and long, dexterous digits replacing his own fingers to fuck him to the point of an orgasm that would finally, actually leave him satiated.

No such thing came. He leaned against the door and continued to keen for the alphas and beta that he knew were just on the other side, walking around the ship in an area where he couldn’t reach. He wanted them by his side, to comfort him, and yet they were still somehow so far away from him.

---

When Jesper woke up from his second cold spell, he was somewhere else. Everything was different than it had been when he had gone to sleep. Instead of laying naked on the cool wooden floor of his room in the ship, he was resting on a table in a room he barely knew. He was also wearing a pair of pants that he hadn’t recalled even being in his room when he had passed out.

“What’s going on?” he whimpered, though he wasn’t entirely sure what language he was speaking in. His brain was so muddled with thoughts of where he was and what had happened that he couldn’t figure out what the words meant and how they felt o his tongue. He didn’t think that it mattered much anyway, not when he finally had a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

“You’re alright, omega,” Nina’s voice was calming as she breathed it across his neck. He could feel the way that her body was quivering with the force of her withdrawals against his back.

He then realized that they were in the sick room, the same place that he had gotten Inej stranded in when their entire journey began. The walls were barren, as they were in the rest of the ship, and they were on a flat table that was bolted to the floor so that it wouldn’t rock with the waves. Nina was laying with her back against the wall and both of her arms wrapped around Jesper to keep him close to her, her nose tucked into the crook of his neck where his mating gland was. She smelled sick, the maple syrup and powdered sugar of her scent souring with the illness.

The sickness of an alpha was one way that could quell an omega’s heat no matter how far they had been into an estrus. If the person that they were meant to spend that time with took ill, then it was expected that it wasn’t a good time to conceive and carry a child so the body would begin to drown out the hormones it would have otherwise been pumping out. It only took Jesper a moment to realize that was why he was with Nina in the first place. They were trying to drown out his heat by having him be around a sick alpha, because none of them actually wanted to deal with him when he was like that.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, wiggling in her arms. She increased the intensity of the hold that she had on his waist, forcing him to still. He let out a little whimper when he picked up on the sudden spike in the sourness of her scent, “Alpha.”

She then suddenly pushed him to the side and bent over the edge of the table, vomiting into the bucket that was next to it. There was already a swirling mess of yellow-green bile in the bottom, which meant that she had been sick for a lot longer than Jesper had been in his cold spell.

Despite his heat subsiding for the present time because of his proximity to a sick alpha, he was still stuck in that hind-brain that was all base instinct and no rational thought. He leaned forward and brushed his hand over her neck so that he could old back her hair while she heaved. He began to purr softly, the sound emitting low and resonate from his chest so that it filled the entire cabin with the soothing tones. He had never really taken care of someone when they were sick, but he had seen what his mother had done when his father had overworked himself in their fields.

He had apparently done something wrong because Nina wasn’t responding to him like his father had responded to his mother. Jesper was brushing his hands over her skin to soothe the fever burrowed under there, the same thing he had wanted her to do to him only a couple hours prior. As soon as she had finished gagging, she turned to him with a feral panic and then growled.

Jesper skittered quickly off the edge of the table so that he was standing in the center of the room. He whimpered and then crooned for her to show that he didn’t want to do her any harm, he was calling for love and affection.

She let out a low huff and then collapsed down onto the bed. It only took a moment more before the door open and Matthias entered. He had a pale white cloth around his mouth and nose so that he wouldn’t be able to smell Jesper. “I didn’t mean to hurt her,” he whimpered, scared that the courting partner of the alpha that he had just tried to soothe was going to hurt him somehow.

“Come,” Matthias said shortly. One of his large hands wrapped around Jesper’s arm just hard enough that he couldn’t squirm away and escape. They walked through the halls of the ship again until Jesper was once again stuck in the room he had been in before.

“I don’t want to go in there, please don’t make me,” he was nearly begging. The further away he got from Nina, the more he could feel the slick beginning to well in his folds and leak out into the pants that they had dressed him in. “Just let me stay in the same room as Nina, I promise that I won’t hurt her or even touch her. I can-I can just be out in the hall, I don’t want to be alone again.”

For a split second, only a flash of a moment, Jespre swore that the alpha was going to give into him. He would be around part of his pack and it would soothe the ache of his heat so that he could have some respite from the emptiness. He wouldn’t be full, but he wouldn’t be stranded in the void of nothingness. Then Matthias changed back to the sure footed solider that Jesper had come to know and love. That felt like the biggest betrayal that the alpha could have managed, changing into the very thing that Jesper wanted to remove what would help him.

 “This is for your own good,” the alpha said as he guided Jesper through the door and then sat him down. He slid the door shut the wrong way and then the sound of metal against metal sounded through the hallway. The omega then realized that they had gotten him out of his by taking the hinges off his door so that they could get to him without the key. That meant that if they really wanted him, then there was a way that they could get to him.

His pack didn’t want him, they didn’t want him to nest and they didn’t want him to be comfortable. They valued Nina over him, over the emptiness and panic that was overwhelming him.

Jesper sank down to the ground so that his forehead was pressed to the edge of the door, trying to smell at least a tiny bit of the heavy, fresh pine scent that was rolling off Matthias. The tears streaking down his face didn’t last nearly as long as the full-chested sobs because he was so dehydrated that his body couldn’t make any more for him to cry. The only thing that he could create was sorrow, deep and overwhelming.

---

Jesper’s heat lasted three more cycles of hot-and-cold. It was completely unbearable and by the time that he finally came out of it, feeling weak and unsteady on his feet, he was so sore that he wanted to cry again. His cunt felt like he had spent the last several days soaking wet from the rain but he knew that it was all from his own slick. His entire body was sticky with fluids and his stomach literally ached with the need for food, like it had started digesting itself.

He slowly rose to his feet and then stumbled over to the barrel in the corner. He had only managed to drink about half of it, which wasn’t as much water as he should have taken in given that he had also been crying. He dipped his hands in and drank long and slow so that he could staunch the hunger without filling up. When he had taken his fill, he began to run wet hands over his body to remove the dried sweat and slick from his back and between his legs.

He had already gone through the food that had been left for him. During his third cold spell he had been so miserable that he hadn’t wanted to eat. He had tricked himself into consuming something, at the very least, that he had taken a ship’s biscuit and broken it on the floor. He had then put a piece into his mouth and let it turn to mush before it had slipped down his throat without him noticing. He had done that with at least three of the tasteless crackers so that he could keep his strength up.

Now he was coherent enough to know that he had to actually eat something, but he had no appetite and just wanted to sleep for longer. That wasn’t an option, not when they weren’t quite done with the job that they were on and he had to apologize for what he had done.

Guilt and shame burned together in Jesper’s gut as he began to search for some bit of clothing from the Druskelle uniform that he could wear until he got to the room that had been his before his heat. He had burdened the people that he was traveling with and embarrassed himself horribly. He had cried out for Kaz and Inej, whom he had hurt with his loose lips. He had asked for Nina and Matthias when they were both suffering from horrible physical and mental trauma. He had asked for Wylan when the two of them barely knew each other, when Wylan could have any pretty omega that he wanted in the class that he belonged in. 

No one had come from him and when they had, it had been to try and help Nina through the worst of her sickness. The sickness that she was suffering through because Jesper had been too cowardly to take the parem himself and save the one useful Grisha that they were traveling with.

“Hello?” Jesper called when he walked over to the door. He had put on the trousers, leaving his smalls behind, of the Druskelle uniform. He had also buttoned the white shirt up so that the marks he had left with his own nails on his chest were hidden from view.

“Jesper?” Inej’s voice cut through the mess of his head and settled him down. The guilt then surged up and felt like it was dragging him down into a black void he would never escape from.

“Mind letting me out? I kind of want to be in my own clothes,” he tried to keep his tone light.

“Of course, let me go get the key from Kaz,” she said. She whirled around fast enough that her long black braid wrapped around her waist while she went. Jesper wished that he could have her hair in his hand, running through his long fingers as he took in the scent of wildflowers radiating from her. He wanted any kind of comfort from his pack, though he had to remind himself quickly that they weren’t really his pack.

If they were even courting as they got closer to being anything other than friends, then they would have provided him with clothing to change into and nesting materials. He knew that there had to be something in the ship other than his singular hammock and the clothing the had stolen from another alpha. If they were really a pack then they wouldn’t have wanted him to have anything that smelled like someone other than them.

Jesper tried not to think about that too hard as he waited for Inej to return. She opened the door and then stepped to the side so that he could walk past her. He was glad that he had washed before he had called for someone because the moment that he stepped out of his heat room, he was aware of how densely his smell was concentrated there. He would have carried it with him like the world’s worst flag if he hadn’t cleaned the sweat and slick from his skin.

“We’re going to be up on the deck when you’re ready. Take your time,” she said kindly as she hurried down the hall to get away from him. 

He tried not to take it personally. He knew that she had been around more estruses than she had ever wanted to, especially onces that weren’t her own. That was primarily what pleasure houses were used for in the spring. If the sex worker was an alpha or an omega then they would be rented out to the highest bidder for the duration of their estrus, but if they were a beta like Inej then they would have to continue to work like normal. Sometimes a client would go into their estrus while visiting the pleasure house and then they would stay there until their next cold spell, and a lot of times that ended up being blamed on the beta themself.

Jesper walked down to the room where his things were stashed and then shed the clothing that still reeked of the other alpha. He shuffled it down into a corner so that it could be dealt with later as he searched through the duffle. He pulled on the soft material of his spare pair of smalls and then a pair of trousers before he shucked those off. The skirt that he had packed was an accident, the same color and pattern as another set of trousers that would have been a better idea. He was glad that he had brought it now because it was softer than any of his other clothing and thus going to be a lot more comfortable to wear.

The skirt sat low on his hips as he worked on getting the buttons done over his front. He hadn’t realized that he had damaged himself so badly in his attempt to keep himself from getting sick of feraling, but the marks were the proof all over his dark skin. Once his shirt was in place, he moved onto picking out a vest that would go with it.

He stayed in his room for a little longer than he needed to as he worked on getting his hair back to some semblance of order after a two or three days of laying with it unprotected. His bonnet had been in his hammock, unreachable and without him even being able to ask for it in the rush to get him into the heat room.

When he finally got up the nerve to travel up to the dock, he could feel his hands shaking slightly. He tried to soothe his nerves by resting his thumbs on the pearl handles of his revolvers, reminding himself that he could defend himself so it didn’t matter that no alpha had come to care for him during his heat. He would find his own food and drink some more water after he got brought up to speed by the others.

---

It was as if his ancestors were punishing him for not doing what they had wanted from him. He had never believed the myths and stories that his mother had told him about the ghosts of those who had died long before them following them to protect them. He had never believed anything about Djel, Ghezen, or the Saints either. Something about the plan going wrong again was making him edge ever-closer to being a true believer, however.

When they had traveled on the schooner to the island to trade, his entire system had felt off kilter. He figured that it was just because he had been through one of the worst heats of his entire life and hadn’t yet recovered. They were running low on rations so everything that they had to eat sounded revolting to Jesper’s already shit appetite. He hadn’t been able to eat or sleep well in the last two days that it took them to pull into port, which left him weak.

He was sure that was the reason that the Squallers had been able to take Inej. If he hadn’t gone through his heat like an idiot, then he would have been strong enough to make the shot that would have returned her to them. Now he had gotten her lost and hurt again, which was the exact opposite of what he had meant to do. He wanted to protect her and make sure that she felt loved, that was his job as the bottom ranking member of their pack.

Knowing that it was mostly his fault that Inej had gotten taken when Van Eck had double crossed them, he did whatever Kaz asked him to. Kaz was the leader of their pseudo-pack and their gang, so it only made sense that the hind brain that had been wounded in his heat was going to bend over backwards to make him happy.

He did the patrols that he was asked to do. He stayed quiet when it was clear that his quips weren’t helping anything. He told Wylan to back down when the alphas started baring their teeth at each other. He even pawned off his beloved revolvers when he was loosing too much to keep Smeet at the table. He went to visit his father even though the shame of how much of a disappoint he was as a son was drowning out those same feelings towards his gender. He comforted Alys with another omega’s scent when she got upset after they had removed her from her den and nest. He sat on the roof for what felt like hours when they were doing the trade off. 

He refused to make a nest, even after they had gotten Inej back. He wasn’t going to make something that made his pack happy when it was clear that none of them even wanted him. He wasn’t the kind of omega that people desired outside of a quick fuck. He was too much of a hassle, too much of a chore for anyone to accept.

By the time that they all ended up in his father’s hotel room after they lost their position in Black Veil and needed another place to hide out, the urge to do it had completely overwhelmed him. He had heard of omegas nesting when they were upset about something or thought that they were in danger, it was the same base instinct that made them do it when they were in heat or pregnant.

So much had happened in so little time that his brain could barely process it, so it made sense that someone with as little impulse control as himself would bend to it eventually. He found one of the bedrooms that had a reasonably large bed and then stripped the sheets from the top. His nest wouldn’t be safe if it was out in the open, not when he was surrounded by the kinds of dangers that swooped down from the sky.

Jesper knelt on the ground in front of the bed and then laid down flat on the floor. He removed his jacket and used it to wipe the dust from the floor so that it was relatively clean, and then shed the clothing item into the corner to be forgotten. He wiggled underneath the frame of the bed with a sheet so that he had something to cover the floor. He stayed underneath the frame as he pulled one of the smaller blankets in so that he could use it to cushion the hard corner of the wall. The biggest blanket was used to block out the main entrance so that the only way to exit his new nest was through the baseboard.

He was just barely adjusting the pillows so that they were in the most comfortable position when he heard a knock on the door. He turned his head towards the wood despite not being able to see it from his vantage point. “Jesper, we need to talk,” Kaz’s dark rasp sounded through his bones.

He needed to finish his nest, but at the same time, his alpha had asked him to do something. Kaz clearly didn’t think he was worthy of being in the pack if he wasn’t even allowed to do something like make a nest for them all. He wasn’t sure that he could fit all six of them underneath the frame of the bed anyway.

Jesper slowly wiggled out from where he had been hidden in his nest and then followed the others up the steep stairs to the bell tower where Kaz explained the rest of the plan. They had already changed their plan so many times as more and more things kept being revealed to them, no one was sure that this would actually work.

He tried to stay quiet, he knew that he was only being included because he had a half-good chance at being able to guard them while they were doing the actual important work. Kaz likely would have chosen someone that had more talent and experience than him if he was able to go to the Dregs and have his pick. Jesper was who he was stuck with, who he had originally trusted until Jesper had ruined it all.

That was when the fight had started. Jesper hadn’t even been aware of what was spilling from his lips until they were snarling at each other. He knew that he wanted to get back down to the safety of his nest, away from the people who hadn’t even cared about him enough to check on him when he was heat-stricken and begging for them. “With the way that you’re treating me, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had forgotten that I was an omega! You don’t trust me, you obviously don’t want me in your pack even if I was the bottom ranking member before,” he shouted. He could feel his hackles raising as his mind got closer to that feral place that would leave him as broken, damaged goods for the rest of his life.

Kaz opened his mouth to say something and then blinked, like he was finally realizing what his supposed best friend had said. “What do you mean we’re not treating you like an omega? Your gender has nothing to do with your rank in the pack. We’re not in Fjerda.”

“No, not like that. I’m the only omega in the pack and I’m at the bottom,” he shook his head. The confirmation that someone else thought they were a pack instead of just a band of misfits almost made it worse.

Despite how much he wanted to appear strong in front of these people that had already been far more resilient than him, tears began to collect on his lash line. He ducked his head down and away so that they wouldn’t be able to see as easily, also exposing his neck to them. It was a way for his hind brain to check if they wanted him, though his logical brain already knew that wasn’t the case.

“Jesper, what’s going on with you?” Inej asked, her hand reaching out to catch his own. “You’ve never acted this way before and we’ve been a pack for almost two years now. I suppose we do have more people and that means that we have to rediscover the pack dynamics but we’re not going to shove you out or anything.”

“None of you want me,” he gasped out around a sob. She was so kind and so soft when she spoke to him, like she was handling something fragile and loveable instead of the person that had gotten her hurt more times than he could count. She shouldn’t have been giving him more chances, none of them should have. He as a fuck up and a disaster. The fact that they were standing in the bell tower to the hotel room Kaz had had to rent for his father was proof enough of that.

“I want you,” Wylan piped up. His face then flushed a very dark shade of red and he kicked at the ground with the toe of his shoe. “I wanted to be able to court you nice and proper. My mother always taught me that the first courting gift should be something really nice and pricy to show that you have the money to support your future partner. I was planning on going into town and getting you something Zemini made, like a necklace or a new ring, so that you could see I was able to provide for you. I wasn’t really planning on the whole ‘my father running away with all the money’ thing.”

Jesper looked up at the alpha, dragging his hand over his cheeks to try and rid them of the tears still streaking down his face. He let out a little hiccup before he said, “I… if you wanted me then why did you make me suffer through my heat like that?”

“We were trying to protect you,” Kaz rasped, his eyes dark and protective. The entire room was beginning to smell like leather and book binding, his distinctive scent that he usually hid with lavender oil.

“Protect me? I was stuck in a room with nothing to nest with other than a hammock and a uniform that smelled like an alpha I didn’t even know the name of!” Jesper shouted. The anger that had come with getting so close to being feral exploded out of him all at once. He didn’t want to be shouting at these people, not when he cherished that as deeply and strongly as he did. “I begged for you to come to me and help me, I wanted you there to tell me that I was good and that I was safe. But I got nothing. I had no nest and no pack.”

“I… I didn’t even think about the nesting,” Nina whispered as she dragged a hand over her face. She was technically the only person that knew exactly what would happen to an omega that was left without a nest and the best way to take care of someone in estrus. It was a required class taken by all Grisha when they went through puberty during their training at the Little Palace.

“We tried to care for you,” Matthias said as he reached for Jesper’s hand. The omega stood still long enough for their palms to slide together and then nearly collapsed into the alpha. Matthias was the only person that was big enough to make Jesper feel small, which was part of the reason that he had fallen so hard so fast. “I was the one that had the idea of bringing you to Nina when she started getting sick. I didn’t think that the withdrawals were going to be as bad as they were, and I wanted to protect you both. Taking you away from her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, believe me when I say that.”

“It made me feel unwanted, like I wasn’t actually a member of our pack,” Jesper whispered as he hid his face away. “I didn’t have a nest, Matthias.”

“I know, I know,” he whispered. “You handled what we put you through so well. Next time, please yell at me right after so that I can fix it sooner.”

“Next time?” Jesper asked. He took a step back and wiped at the remaining tears on his face. He felt much better than he had before, the proximity and affirmation that he was part of the pack and that they regretted their actions stifling the urge to feral for his own protection.

It was Matthias’ turn to blush and duck his head, which he did. Nina was grinning at him like a wolf when he said, “If you will allow me to.”

“I will. Which means that I should probably tell you that I have a half made nest downstairs under one of the beds,” Jesper waved his hand vaguely towards the door.

“Under the beds?” Inej gasped. She would have known better than anyone else what it meant when an omega hid their nest in the back of a closet or under a bed. Usually it was because the nest would be destroyed, or the omega thought that it would, if it was able to be reached by the mate or the rest of the pack.

“I almost couldn’t protect Nina when she was getting attacked by the khergud. They can fly, so it’s better to have the nest hidden,” he explained with a half shrug. While he had made the nest under the bed as a half attempt to hide it from his pack, who he had been under the impression of not wanting him to nest at all, it was mostly because that was a safer place for them to be.

“That’s really sweet,” she purred as she took his hand and the brought them closer together. She took the inside of his wrist and rubbed it against her own so that their scents mingled together. It was something that was commonly done in Ravka as a way of officially courting without being part of a pack or mated yet, since money and items for gifts were hard to get there.

Jesper eagerly leaned into the touch, practically melting at all of the attention that he was getting. He let out a low sigh as he finally explained, “I didn’t want to feral. That’s why I didn’t tell you guys about what had happened to me or ask for help nesting at Black Veil. It also felt like everything was more important than what I had gone through. I hadn’t gotten heat sick and I hadn’t feraled, so it was fine.”

“Jesper, what do you think being heat sick is?” Kaz asked. The alpha was still standing reasonably far away from them as he spoke, but he was leaning towards the omega. His scent wrapped around the building so thick that not even the open windows of the bell tower could help it escape.

“It’s when an omega has to be nursed back to health because of how dehydrated and malnourished they are,” he explained with a half shrug. “You guys provided me with food and water.”

“We gave you what we could find. It wasn’t the best,” Inej sighed.

“I would have liked to give you some waffles, I know you prefer the cinnamon rolls we get though,” Nina winked. She hadn’t let go of his hand yet and Jesper mostly didn’t want her to.

Kaz shook his head, “Given that you grew up in a place that had healthy packs or at least family and friends to take care of an omega, I can understand how you would think that’s what heat sickness is. In a place like the Barrel, it means that not only is the omega suffering from dehydration and malnourishment, but they are also on the edge of feraling. It means that they were treated so badly during their heat or neglected when they needed comfort from their pack, that they’re almost not a person anymore.”

“Oh,” Jesper whispered, his eyes flickering down to his shoes again.

“Next time you feel that way, come to me immediately. Sickness and injury cannot be helped in our line of work, they cannot be avoided. That doesn’t mean you have to suffer through that kind of thing without the support of your pack,” Kaz instructed.

It would have been hard to ignore the way that he had said that even if Jesper hadn’t had such strong ties to the alpha. Kaz was the leader of their pack and his boss, so it wasn’t like he could ignore what he said practically either. The command was the most caring thing that Kaz had done for him in a long time. Jesper was well aware that he had overreacted and assumed a lot of things about his heat, but when he was in that kind of base instinct state of mind there wasn’t much else that he could do.

He felt so much more stable and loved than he had before, even though he hadn’t told them the other half. He was fine with them assuming that he had wanted the comfort of his pack scent near him or a nest when he was in heat. They didn’t need to know that he was so in love with them that he needed them the same way that he needed air. Wylan wanting to court him was enough for him in that moment. It made him feel more like a person, like someone had tugged his soul back down into his body and then sewed his feet back into his soles.

The difficulty of their life was that none of them could finish talking about what as left unsaid. They couldn’t bask in the fact that they were a pack in everything other than bites, they had to move onto the next thing immediately. Jan Van Eck and Pekka Rollins were still trying to kill them, and they had several Ravkans coming to talk to them.

---

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Four years had passed since Jesper had his first heat around the five people that he adored more than he knew one person was capable of loving. He still remembered the pain of abandonment that he had gone through during the nights late in the spring when the ocean air poured into his room in just the right way. He was able to remind himself that it wasn’t the case any longer when he woke fully and could smell the items that the others had given him.

Jesper would reassure and calm himself by touching the items one-by-one. First he would pick up the one that smelled the closest, the scarf that Wylan had worn while he was composing the piece he used as his most recent courting gift for Jesper. Then came the soft wool coat that Kaz had worn when working in the Silver Six, just abrasive enough to remind Jesper properly of the alpha. Then was the huge linen skirt that Nin had rubbed all over her neck and wrists before she had hidden it under Jesper’s pillow. Then the shirt that Matthias had worked out in, cotton and stiff from underuse but so perfectly him. The last one was the one that smelled the least, the hair ribbons that Inej had worn for a week straight before she had left on her most recent voyage.

As he neared a heat that he had not taken suppressants for, those were the items that he carefully packed into the bag resting on the edge of his bed. 

A lot of his life had changed in the four years since he had pulled off the most impressive job in his entire life. He and Wylan were still courting, they both agreed that they wanted to take it slow so that they could work out who they were as people. Wylan was working with the Merchant Counsel to actually better the world and use their vast wealth for something other than being greedy bastards. Jesper was taking some classes at the university and working with some of the leftover Grisha in the city so that he could develop his powers, which had helped quell the urge to have an adrenaline dump every other day.

He still worked with Kaz, though it was a lot more of a partnership than it had been before. Given that he had been able to spend his vast amount of wealth won after their defeat of Jan Van Eck to pay off his debts, he no longer had to be a member of the Dregs. He worked with them whenever making something didn’t get rid of that feeling, but he never stepped into the gambling dens of East Stave. He was also able to tell Kaz no whenever he didn’t actually want a job because the credit he owed him was non-existant.

He still spent a lot of time with the alphas and beta, even if they dynamic had significantly changed since they had all worked together for the Ice Court heist. 

Inej was often off at sea, though she redocked for six months out of the year. Estrus season on a boat was apparently absolute Hell since they would all be sick and grouchy from the suppressants, on top of there not being that many ships to ransack during that month. During the winter it was too dangerous for her to continue her voyages and she found the same problem, where people were too holed up in their own homes to be doing the work she wanted to stop.

Nina and Matthias took trips out to Fjerda whenever they thought that they could get away with it. Apparently they were trying to stop the indoctrination of more people like Matthias into the druskelle, sponsored by the Ravkan government. Whenever they thought that it was too dangerous or too risky to return, they worked with a charity sponsored by Wylan and some other members of the Merchant Councel to help Grisha and indentures find their way in Kerch. It meant that they were around a lot, usually deciding to crash in the big apartment that they all lived in together.

While the estate now belonged to Wylan, apparently there were too many memories of what had happened to him when he was a child for him to feel comfortable living there full time. He had given rights to it over to his mother, who had turned it into a wonderful place for them to visit when they were holding parties or ohad guests. When they weren’t doing that, they stayed in a smaller home that had been custom built for them.

There was a massive bedroom that could fit the entire pack for when they needed to nest and feel safe. There were smaller rooms with tiny bathrooms for each of them along the same floor. It also had three offices, one for Wylan, Kaz, and Nina and Matthias respectively. It was also where Jesper’s workshop was held. The entire place was decorated with a mix of the styles from where they had originally come from so that they all felt safe and warm when they were there.

That was where Jesper currently was. He usually slept there, though he tailed some of the others to their personal haunts from time to time when he wanted to go on a date with them. They had all been sort of courting each other, but a lot of the lines had been blurred. It wasn’t every pack that had the kind of relationship that they did, so it was hard to figure out what was the unbreakable bond from saving each other’s lives and what was actual romantic interest. He was also struggling significantly with the difference in courting rituals from the different cultures that they had all come from.

Back in Novyi Zem, it was common for both the partners in a relationship to give the other gifts without a specific gender having to go first. Gifts were often things that were made by hand to show that it had taken them a lot of time and could be clothing, scented items, or food. In Ravka, apparently the gifts were closer to dates because money was so scarce that it was hard for them to buy something for their perspective partner, but again there were no gender lines. In Fjerda the first gift apparently had to be food or a pelt to show that the partner would be a good worker in a relationship, given in front of other observing parties. The gender lines were also hard with an alpha at the top, giving to either a beta or an omega, and the omega only ever receiving a gift. In Kerch, the first gift was expected to be jewelry and it was very uncommon for it to be anything other than a newly bought item. Gender lines tended to be looser, but they were still considered as long as they went along with the status of the person in society.

They were working it out though, Jesper was sure of that. He had been so sure that he had written out a letter and sent it to each of his courting partners to tell them his plan. Now that it was all in action, he was almost too scared to see it truly to fruition.

He slowly reassured himself that it was going to be okay, no matter what the reality of the situation ended up being in the end. He knew that he was strong and that he could handle anything that the world or his courting partners through at him. If they decided not to show up, it wouldn’t be a reflection on him as a person or an omega but instead something that they had to work through within themselves.

He was surprised how much that one singular heat that he had experienced colored the rest of his relationship with sex and his heats, however. He had heard of people having bad heats, but it had always been a blip that they tried to avoid when they were having another estrus. It was never anything that was nearly as bad as what Jesper had gone through nor did it have affects for as long as his was affecting him.

Once he had gotten everything carefully packed into his bag, he went over the box of scent blockers that Kaz had left on the windowseat the night before. He usually tucked them away in his room so that he could use them without the others stealing his private supply, since he was able to get ones that were higher quality than what was sold in the shops. He had gotten distracted by Nina, who was by far the most distracting person to ever walk the face of the earth, and had left them.

Jesper peeled one out of the packaging and then placed it over his scent gland. He did the same to the one on his wrist so that the smell of open fields and jurda was hidden from anyone near him. He knew that he was very close to his heat and it would be dangerous for him to be out in the street when he was in that state, but it was the best thing that he could think of.

He had to find somewhere that was actually safe. Too many of their business partners, who may one day turn into business enemies, knew that they lived there. He had to go to one of the apartments that they had squirreled away in the depths of the city, one of the ones that only they knew about.

The smell of lavender flooded his senses so intensely that he had to fight not to gag. Jesper wasn’t quite sure how Kaz managed to have that scent right next to his neck every single day that they worked without getting sick from it. It was only when he remembered that since he was close to his heat his ollifactory senses would be higher that he realized how the alpha managed it.

He packed a couple more things into his bag, a sealed flask of water and one of the scones that Nina had made for breakfast that morning, before he slipped out into the streets. He shut and locked the door behind him so that no one would be able to tell that anything was amiss. The only people that should have been coming back to their home was his pack and courting panrters. Kuwei was still in Ravka with his new pack, who was teaching him what it meant to be a Grisha and Shu, so he wouldn’t be coming. That left only the people that Jesper wanted to be following him instead of going into the house.

He had sent letters ahead of himself when he found that he was unable to tell them with his words. He knew, after all they had showed and proved to him, that the worst they could tell him was no. Still, he found it almost impossible to actually shove those words past his lips and into the air when they were cuddling in their protective nest in the big bedroom. When the alphas and beta got home, if they were going to come for him then they should only stop for a few minutes to pick up what they wanted to bring to him before they left. That meant that things needed to look like they were supposed to so that they could be sure that he had left by himself instead of being taken. The last thing he wanted was for them to be panicking because of a misunderstanding when they were going to spend an estrus together.

Jesper wasn’t even sure that the runners had been able to get the letters to the right people, given that they were spread all over the city and had quite a few enemies that were after them. He had to hope that the alphas and beta who owned his heart were safe enough that they were able to receive the letters that he sent them. He had also written them in code so that if they were somehow intercepted, anyone other than his pack wouldn’t be able to figure out where he was.

The worry that was plaguing Jesper’s mind was enough that he didn’t notice the throngs of people out in the street. Spring was always a stressful season for everyone because they were all on edge as their neared their own estrus or their partner’s estrus. That meant that everyone was in their own heads and no one paid any mind to a lanky Zemini boy heading through the streets like he was on a mission.

He went down into the tunnel underneath the city and then emerged in a different district. He went down a series of curving and confusing streets until he reached the canal, where he boarded a boat. He only stayed on for about ten minutes before he got off in front of a charming little house. 

It was a single story tall and the wood on the outside was painted a chipper yellow. The roof was in the finest state of repair, just as the rooves on the houses surrounding it were. The windows were covered in a neat trim and frosted so that while they would let light in, it was nearly impossible to see into them. The front door was securely locked with a padlock from the inside, so Jesper had to do the trick that Kaz had taught them all when they had decided that it was going to be used as one of their shared safe houses.

He slipped through the front door as soon as he got it open and then redid all of the locks. By the time that he had gotten to the porch, he had already begun to feel the slick seeping into his smalls. He knew that he had been pushing it when he was packing things, but he for sure didn’t want to be around anyone that wasn’t trusted mate-pack in the state he was in now.

Jesper slipped up the stairs to the upper bedroom. The house was sparsely decorated with only the base furniture that they would need, no rugs or wall hangings. It wasn’t a place that he would want to stay in for very long but it was a place that felt very safe when he was as vulnerable as he was currently.

He went to the attic where the second set of deadbolt locks were. He unlocked them and then entered so that he was faced with the big mattress spread out on the ground. The sheet wrapped around it still had the large blood stain on it from the last time that they had used this location, when Kaz had taken a couple of bad stab wounds to his side. The alpha had recovered quickly and most of the blood had actually come from his nose, but it was still unsightly when his nest was about to be right there.

Jesper set his pack carefully against one of the taller walls and then got to work. The first thing that he did was remove the scent blockers from his neck and wrist. He didn’t know anyone that smelled like lavender and it was the pure extract, something that didn’t carry the headiness of human underneath it. He settled the blockers down on top of his pack to be dealt with later or to fall down onto the floor and be forgotten. He smelled more like himself, like fresh air and jurda, which meant that it as time to make his nest.

He knelt down beside the mattress and slipped his fingers underneath the sheet so that he could pull it up. He didn’t bother folding the ruined cloth, instead wadding it into a huge ball and tucking it as far back into the corner as he could. He replaced the sheet with another one that was in the corner. There was so much bedding in the attic that he could hardly believe it, even though he knew that when they used that house they sequestered themselves that far up during the night because it was the safest place.

Once the mattress had another sheet on top of it, he worked on getting the walls of his nest up. He didn’t have any of the stiff wool blankets that a lot of rich omegas got so that they could have a properly constructed nest. Instead he just had thick winter quilts that were almost a perfect square. He used four of them to make his walls, rolling them into logs so that they would be firmer when people were going to lay on them. After they were pressed as far as they could go in the circle on top of the mattress, he moved onto the next job.

He got several of the smaller blankets out so that he could cover the ugly, rough material. He noticed that a lot of them smelled like the people that had used them last, which was enough to make him purr with happiness. The placement of the pillows was the most important part to him because it was going to show that he knew how the rest of the pack slept. Matthias was always in the middle because he was the tallest, so there was a single flat pillow there especially for him. Nina liked to spread out, so she got the long body pillow that she could spread down her back. Kaz got a pillow for his leg and his head on the other side, so he could be far away from them but still in the nest. Jesper himself got two pillows right next to each other so they would fold over his face. Wylan got three pillows stacked on top of each other so that he was almost sitting up when he slept. Inej was the trickiest because they slept in the same bed the least out of the entire pack, but he eventually settled on giving her a fluffy pillow with little embroidered leaves on the outside.

He finished the last of the nest with the rest of the blankets. He only got out so that he could retrieve the soft items from his pack that smelled like them. He left the foodstuffs that he had picked up before he left the house next to the nest so he could grab them when he was too heat-stricken to think about getting out of his nest.

This was the first heat that he was going to go through without suppressants since the one that he had endured by accident on the boat. He was already doing better now than he had been before. He had known that it was coming and had mentally prepared himself for that. He had a nest filled with soft, comfortable things and the scents of his pack. Despite all of that, he had to repeat to himself over and over again that it was all going to be okay, that they would find him and come for him as soon as they could.

Jesper was unable to ignore the pang of arousal that fluttered through his system when he was finally laying down in his nest. He had been able to ignore it very easily when he ws getting the preparations ready, but he had cut it too close to the line. He was already in the depths of his heat and he had only just barely gotten to the safe house to make his nest.

He rubbed his legs together to give some stimulation to his already swollen cunt. His smalls were soaked through with slick and it was beginning to pool in his trousers. Almost as soon as he realized that he was aroused enough for that to happen, he realized how much he wanted all of that off of him.

His fingers scrambled to the fastenings on the front of his pants in his desperation to get them off. He ended up popping the button off with his powers so that he could shove the material down his leg. It was like taking a breath of fresh air to have his skin finally free of the rough material of denim. He tossed his pants over the side of the nest, disgusted by their texture and refusing to have them in his nest. He then set to work on removing his smalls before he moved to his vest and shirt.

While he was working on the thousands of buttons that he had thought were a good idea when he was getting dressed that morning, he slipped his other and between his legs. He traced the tips of his fingers through his folds once and then shuddered when he felt the pleasure that it shocked throughout his entire pelvis in a huge sweeping motion of pleasure.

He dove the two fingers inside of him and then rocked down into himself. Once again, he was reminded of how much better it would be to have a heavy cock or a knot inside of him instead of his own fingers, but he was relishing in how deeply he could reach. He refused to move even a knuckle out of place and instead began to rock his hips in an upward and downward motion. 

The buttons of his shirt finally released him and he had to remove his fingers from his cunt just long enough to get them all the way off of his body. They were both softer than his pants had been, and not nearly as soaked as his smalls, so he allowed them to stay in the nest for the time being.

He knew that he had people coming for him, that there was an alpha just a couple streets away that was barreling towards their rut. He knew that they were coming for him, but it was almost making it worse. All he could remember as he plunged his fingers in and out of his dripping wet cunt was the desperation that he had when he was on the boat. They had been even closer to him back then, so close that they would have been able to smell him without being affected by the pheromones that he was letting off. He had been so close to them and they hadn’t come to him, so what meant that they were going to come to him this time? He was alone again, and so empty that it physically hurt.

Jesper was so deeply entrenched in his heat that he could barely think about what was happening around him. He tossed his head back against the pillows he had laid out specifically for him and crooned with want, with the desire to bring the alphas and beta closer to him. He needed them around him, inside of him, becoming him in every way that they could. 

Despite the fact that he was calling for comfort, he didn’t react or show any signs towards the door when meal began to creak against itself. The heavy wood scraped on the floor as Matthias quickly stumbled into the little santuary that Jesper had made for himself. “I tried to get here as quickly as I could but I had to stop by the Wraith to get something for you,” he explained.

The smell of pine and sea salt flooded into the room and joined in with his own. He didn’t want it to completely drown out the other scents in his nest because he had nothing else from Inej, but he was so glad that there was another physical body from his pack finally there with him in the room. “Alpha, alpha, please,” Jesper whimpered. 

He flipped over so that he was on his knees with his shoulders supporting his upper half, which pushed his face down into the mattress. He hadn’t removed his fingers from him, though they had slipped down to the first knuckle so that he had the arm space to manuever him around. As soon as he was in that position, he plunged his fingers back into himself to try and soothe the emptiness that was filling his gut.

He heard a step on the floor and then felt a small dip on the mattress. “Do you want me to get in the nest with you, omega?”

Jesper turned his head and then looked at Matthias to determine what he wanted. He let out a breathless, “Clothes off, first.”

The alpha immediately did as he was told. He removed his shirt and shed it down onto the edge of the mattress that wasn’t covered with nest just in case Jesper wanted it. His bright blue eyes were already blown black with the rut that he was going through thanks to the pheromones that Jesper’s body was putting out. He removed his pants and smalls at the same time, which allowed his massive cock to flop out of its constraints and up against his belly.

Jesper mewled desperately when he saw the size and girth of the alpha. He knew that it would fill him so wonderfully, so beautifully that he would never feel that empty again.

“Is it okay for me to do this?” Matthias asked. His large, calloused hands were brushing over Jesper’s hips like he was scared that the other Crow was going to disappear if he was too harsh.

“I want you, I want you, I want you,” he whimpered. He wiggled his hips to try and entice the alpha further without having to use his words in a more eloquent way.

The alpha growled darkly and then wrenched Jesper’s long fingers out of his cunt. He let the omega’s hand drop down onto the bed without caring that they were still covered in slick and he was now thrown off of his balance. He didn’t mind it, though, not when he knew that he was about to be taken care of in the way that he had desperately wanted for what felt like an eon. He just let his body tumble down into the bed and kept his slicked fingers carefully to himself so that he could use it for something later, as well as to keep it from messing up his perfect nest.

Matthias grasped both of Jesper’s hips with his wide, calloused hands. He used that to bring the omega back just a few inches, while moving his own body forward so that the head of his cock brushed against the slicked folds of the other. Jesper whimpered and began to beg, “Please, please, alpha! I need you so badly, Matthias, please, I need you. It hurts, I want you to make it feel better.”

That snapped any patience that the alpha had been clinging to, and he pushed the head of his cock through the omega’s opening with one swift movement. He waited for Jesper to adjust for only a moment before he pressed forward so that he was buried to the hilt. The omega groaned, long and loud, as he pressed his face down into the bed. He could feel the member throb inside of him as his cunt quivered around the member. He had been working himself up to the threshold of an orgasm so long around his distress that he was already orgasming from only being entered. He felt so good, so full, like he had finally done something correct once in his life.

“So good, good boy,” Matthias praised as his big hands began to trail up Jesper’s body. When he reached the omega’s shoulders, he leaned around so that they were pressed flush together and then wrapped his other arm around Jesper’s hips. He used the hold to flip them over and then flung himself down onto the mattress. Jesper whined as it caused the cock inside of him to pull out and then press back in.

There were hands pushing and pulling at his body to change his position so that he was sitting up, his body now basking in the cool air of the attic instead of pressed to another fever-flushed body. He looked down at the alpha and preened when he noticed the way that Matthias’ pupils were blown with rut, a rut that he had caused. “Ride me,” the alpha growled, his hands once again finding the place where they belonged on Jesper’s hips.

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” he mumbled around the haze of his heat. He placed one hand behind himself on Matthias’ thigh so that he could stabilize and then began to dramatically lift himself up into the air. Every time that only the mushroom head of Matthias’ cock was inside of himself, he would drop back down so that he took the entire member back into his body all at once. When his thighs began to shake with the weakness of his body from the heat, Matthias helped him so that they could keep up their rhythm.

Jesper whimpered when he felt the swell of the knot already catching on the rim of his entrance. He had never wanted anything in his life more than he wanted the knot buried as deep as it would go inside of him. “Mate me, breed me, please alpha. I’ll be so good to you, a good mother to your pups. I wanna be so pregnant with your pups that people don’t even have to look for our mark,” he begged. The words were pouring from a deep part of his mind that he hadn’t strayed to since his last heat. They were words none of them would really mean, children were dangerous in their line of work and a big commitment, but it spoke to the most base level of their instincts.

“Can’t mate you yet,” Matthias growled. He was matching the omega’s movements with a jut of his own hips so that he could leave his knot inside of his courting partner for as long as possible each time.

“Why not? Please,” he whimpered. “Aren’t I good? I’ll be good for you, please, please, please.”

Matthias reached up and wiped away the tears that were slowly working their way down his face. He had opened his mouth to say something but clenched his teeth together suddenly to growl. He replaced his hands where they belonged on Jesper’s hips and then snarled as his orgasm wracked his body and he knotted the omega firmly.

Jesper threw his head back and howled with pleasure as his second orgasm finally wracked through him. He had experienced knot orgasms before, he loved being knotted almost as much as he liked being worked to orgasm with something literally stuck inside of him. It was something far different to experience when he was in heat though, the feeling almost making him white out as his entire body quivered with the feeling.

The door to the attic opened and the other four people that they had been waiting for burst through the door, almost tumbling down into a pile in their hurry to get inside. “Shit, we’re late, aren’t we?” Nina asked as a pretty pout covered her face.

“You came,” Jesper beamed when his eyes flickered over them all and he realized that they were really there.

“Of course we did, beloved,” Kaz replied as if it should have been obvious. He pushed his way to the front of the group and that was when Jesper noticed that he had something in his arms. He had to turn his torso without moving his hips too far so that he wouldn’t tug at the knot in his cunt. He was curious about what was happening, but he was also very aware of all the sounds of discomfort that Matthias made when he moved too far.

As he turned, he saw that they all had something in their arms. Nina carried a big pastry box over to the side of the bed where Jesper had brought the snack that he had forgotten to eat and then placed it down. “I got your favorites, the cinnamon rolls,” she beamed. “I couldn’t find any fruits when I was out but Inej said that she was willing to run out and get some during your heat.”

“You’re not going to join us?” Jesper asked. The longer that he was in his cold spell, the more the fog of his heat lifted off his mind. He had known that it was an option, that she wouldn’t want to be around the estrus given everything that had happened to her, but he still wanted her scent in his nest.

“Not this time, not when they’re all going to be extra protective of you,” Inej shook her head. She set down the jug of water that she had brought and then turned towards him. “But I am going to mate you, as soon as everyone else has. They already marked me and I marked them,” she explained as she revealed the freshly healed scars on the curve of her neck. Jesper let out an involuntary whimper as it felt like his teeth and neck were almost itching to mark her and look exactly as she did.

Kaz’s dark rasp sounded from the other side of the bed as he set down whatever he had brought. “No one gets to mark you before I do, Jesper, that’s why she’s waiting,” he explained. “I am the pack’s alpha and no one gets to mark our omega before I sink my teeth into that pretty neck of yours. Even if Matthias couldn’t want to get his cock into your begging cunt,” his gloved fingers ran down Jesper’s front to where his entrance was puffy with knot.

He whimpered and then shivered as it brought another aftershock of his orgasm throughout his body. “I wanna be mated so bad,” he whimpered. He didn’t notice that the tears returned until he felt soft leather gloves tracing the ridges of his cheeks to get rid of the water.

“Be patient, pet, you will be,” he replied. 

They continued to set things up around the attic until everything was perfect. They had a good stock of water and sweet things with Inej promising that she was going to bring them actual food while staying in the rest of the house. She would check on them and spend time with them during cold spells but would not participate during the actual estrus. Jesper eventually got tired enough that he and Matthias moved so that they were laying down sideways in the nest, with Jesper still turning and tilting his head so that he could see what the others were doing.

When he finally figured out what Kaz had brought with him, he began to purr so loudly that the house practically rumbled with it. The alpha was standing carefully above the bed while attaching something to a hook that Jesper hadn’t even noticed was there. When he was finished, he spread out the dark material so that the tulle covered the nest in a sweeping canopy. It was exactly what he had said he wanted when he had gotten a little too tipsy one night, long before he had even considered what he had wanted when it came to a mate.

---

Jesper’s second hot spell came after they had all moved into the nest. He had been dozing against Matthias because the first round of his heat had taken a lot out of him. The alpha’s knot had gone down after ten minutes, which left him with about another hour before he got unstoppably horny again. He would have an actual cold spell after a couple more sessions, but the knot-related one was always a nice reprieve.

He woke with a whimper and then brought his long fingers down to his cunt. His slick was mixing with the pearly white cum that was dripping from his opening and down onto the bed. “Alpha,” he crooned, just to get the attention of someone so that they would fuck him again.

“I’m here, treasure,” Kaz replied with the dark husk that he always did. It resonated through Jesper’s shoulder so that he felt like his entire body was affected by it. The omega startled a little when he felt bare, dextrous hands tracing up and down the lean length of his hip, traveling over the sculpted muscles of his stomach. He spread his legs on instinct when he felt his hand being moved away from between his legs. He didn’t really mind that the little pleasure he had been receiving was stolen from him because he would much rather have someone else between his legs. “Tell me what you need, pretty omega,” Kaz nearly commanded.

“I need you,” he breathed. “I need you knot in my cunt and your teeth in my neck.”

“Who am I to deny you?” the alpha chuckled. He shifted them so that Jesper was laying on his back and he was on his hands and knees. Kaz nudged Jesper’s legs apart with his good knee and then shifted them closer together. “You’re so wonderful like this, spread out and already stuffed with cum from our mate. You’re going to be so good for me, aren’t you? Especially when I knot you so hard there’s no way you won’t become fat and pregnant with my pups. Such a good boy,” Kaz murmured.

It was exactly the kind of talk that Jesper had imagined when he was locked in the hold of the ship with nothing other than his own mind to keep him company. He whimpered and threw his head back to expose his neck. He turned to the side so that his mating gland was most prominent and then let his scent flood the room. The other alphas woke then, but preoccupied themselves with each other while Kaz attended to their omega. They would all be marked and mated by the time that the heat was over.

Kaz leaned down with one hand between his legs and the other on one side of Jesper’s head. He used the hand on his cock to guide the head to Jesper’s hole before he pressed in, steady and easy. He wasn’t as long or as wide as Matthias had been since penises tended to be proportional, but his member had a curve to it that hit something wonderful in Jesper. “Alpha! Saints, you feel so so so good,” he babbled as he was once again stuffed full.

“Good little bitch, taking it so well. You’re my fucking slut, you know that? No one else can touch you unless I tell them that they can,” Kaz snarled, now fully enraptured in his rut. He began to pound into the omega so hard that for a moment, Jesper was worried about whether or not his knee was going to be able to support him at that angle.

The thoughts were driven from his mind with a thrust forward that managed to reach all the way up to his cervix. He cried out and threw his head back against the pillows many especially for him as he was overcome with another orgasm. He could barely pay attention to what was going on around him as he felt teeth scrape against his mating gland only once before the flimsy skin there was finally broken and he was left with the bite mark he had wanted so desperately for years.

By the time that he came back to himself, he realized that he had also been knotted and the scents surrounding him in his nest had turned his brain to pudding. He purred quietly as he felt Kaz lapping against the mark that he had left, as well as another bite mark that hadn’t been there when he had whited out. He turned his head to the side and blinked blearily as he realized that it was Matthias’ since he had his turn before Kaz had shown up.

In his haze of happiness, he bit Matthias back and then did the same to Kaz, which earned him another rush of cum into his eagerly waiting cunt.

---

The heat continued just as he had wanted it to. Nina fucked him up against the wall and then bit him early before they orgasms, keeping her teeth in his neck the entire time that she did so. Wylan fucked him gently and tenderly during the longest of his cold spells and they marked each other while crying and overwhelmed by pleasure. Inej got them out of the nest and down into the bathroom so that they could clean off the blood, sweat, slick, and cum that they were now covered in. She bit Jesper when he was wrapped in a fluffy blanket and holding a bowl of the curry she had made to keep him happily fed.

[mezlymils]

just coming on here to post all my kuwesper/kuwylan fics because i love them and want to introduce these ships to more people!!!!

Kuwylan mostly but technically kuwesper

late night conversations about daddy issues lead to hugs and kisses

Kuwesper (mostly kujesper)

Jesper and Kuwei share some kisses while they wait for their boyfriend to join them

Kuwesper (again, mostly kujesper)

Jesper gives Kuwei piercings. That’s it. That’s the fic.

Minor kuwesper

Aly's daughter, Wylan's half sister, has a nightmare and he has to comfort her

Kuwylan

Kuwei gets sick but luckily his lovely boyfriend is there to spoil him with soup and cuddles

[funnyao3]

“Oh. Wait, so you do mind?” Jesper turned to Wylan, a little hopeful but mainly resigned. Before the boy could answer, Kuwei popped up from behind the counter, golden eyes flicking between them all.

“This sounds fun. What’s happening?”

[biggukuma]

Does someone wrote a divergent canon to the Crooked Kingdom where Jesper follows Kuwei and go to the Little Palace, leaving Wylan while they're each the love of their life ? I want so much to read that, the potential of angst, pining and emotionally hurt Wylan... Mostly if he thinks that the Crows will stay in touch with him only because he's with Jesper. And if Jesper has left him behind, so then he's definitely alone...

[iriswords]

Febuwhump Day 4 - Knife to the throat

You can also read this on ao3 and find all of my febuwhump fics here

tw:  tw: held hostage, mention of past captivity, self-esteem issues, light injuries, fear of torture

Fandom: Six of Crows

Words: 2394

Kuwei is held hostage in exchange for something Kaz possesses. He is certain no one will come for him and resigns himself to die in his cell, miserable and alone.

--

Kuwei shuddered as he stepped out of the Slat and onto the Barrel’s streets. The winter’s cold had truly settled, and his coat was doing little in shielding him from it. He had put on his lighter coat this morning, thinking he would be too hot with the other one, and he was regretting it now, as vicious cold sipped in through the thin material and into his bones.

Night had long since fallen, but the streets in the Barrel weren’t any less crowded. If anything, there were more people now than there were during the day. Kuwei hurried through the streets, arms wrapped around himself and shoulders hunched, both to protect himself against the cold and to avoid catching the attention of people in the streets. All of the Crows had already left the Slat and gone to Wylan’s mansion on Geldstraat, but Kuwei had wished to stay at his designated room—transformed into a lab—to work a while more. He’d thought, foolishly, at least one of them would wait for him. He’d always made his distaste and fear of the Barrel streets well-known.

He hadn’t been surprised when he’d come out of his lab and found even Kaz’s office empty, just disappointed. Nina had stayed in Ravka, and none of the four remaining Crows liked him very much. Kuwei was certain the only reason Wylan allowed him to stay at his house while Kuwei was in Ketterdam was that Wylan was too polite to turn him away.

Now, he simply hoped they wouldn’t already have eaten by the time he arrived at the house.

Kuwei woke up in a dark, humid cell. Hard, uneven cobblestones dug painfully in his butt, and thick metal manacles held his wrists above his head. It was not the first time he had woken in such a predicament, but he’d thought he wouldn’t have to again, now that he was free from the Shu and the Fjerdan, now people thought him dead and no one was after his secrets anymore.

He would never find out. As he turned on a narrow street, a hand shot out from an alley and grabbed his wrist. The hand yanked him into the alley, and Kuwei stumbled along, trying not to lose his footing. He crashed against a broad chest anyway and had time to neither cry out—not that it would be much use in the Barrel—nor fight back against his assailant before they brought their arm around Kuwei’s neck, pinning him against them and cutting his air off.

He trashed weakly against them, his nails digging into their skin, to no avail. Before long, dark spots dotted his vision, and he lost consciousness.

Cruel, remembered terror curled in his stomach, and a dry sob slipped from his mouth. Was there nowhere he’d be safe? Had someone recognized him for who he was, or was he just the unlucky victim to slave traffickers?

Heels slammed on the cobblestone with rhythmic regularity, and a few seconds later, a stern woman stopped in front of Kuwei’s cell. The lamp she held threw uneven shadows on her face, but even then Kuwei could make out the brutal twist of her mouth. He choked on his fear. Whatever she wanted, she would do everything to get it.

The woman huffed impatiently. “Yes, Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel. He has something I want, and threats have not pushed him to give it to me. I figured their execution might.”

“You’re awake,” she remarked, her voice icy and distant. “Good. How long do you think it will take the Bastard of the Barrel to come to get you?”

Kuwei startled. “Kaz?” That was the name he went by, wasn’t it?

Kuwei stared at her with round eyes. He fought back the weird urge to laugh. She was badly mistaken if she thought Kaz would move a single finger to ensure Kuwei’s safety now Kuwei wasn’t worth anything to him. Had Nina been there, she might have bullied him into helping, but the four Crows in Ketterdam at the moment bore him at best a profound disinterest and at worst deep-rooted dislike. They wouldn’t come for him.

“Why me?” he asked his captor. It didn’t make sense. How could she have thought he’d be the best one to convince Kaz to act? That he’d be a means of pressure at all?

“The others would have been too difficult to kidnap. They’re all more careful than you are.” Shame rose to Kuwei’s cheeks. “But it doesn’t matter. Brekker will come anyway.”

Kuwei shook his head vehemently. Perhaps she would release him if he could make her understand how worthless he was as a hostage. “No, he won’t. He doesn’t care enough about me.”

The woman arched an eyebrow. “You’re a Dreg, aren’t you?”

“No, and I don’t intend to become one.”

“I don’t believe you,” said his captor and turned on her heels. Her footsteps echoed down the corridor, and the light dimmed until there was none again. Kuwei wondered where he was. He didn’t know Ketterdam enough to make a guess, but it looked like an old prison, a holding place for criminals.

“I’ve watched you come and go from the Slat. You were with him multiple times. You were with the others, too.”

Kuwei scoffed. “That doesn’t mean anything. I’m telling you, your plan won’t work.” And Kuwei would be left alone in this cell, waiting for someone to end his misery. Still, better him than any other Crow. They were too important. They loved each other too much. They’d break, if another one of them died. If Kuwei died, on the other hand… Nina would mourn him, probably. But she’d soon be over it.

Kuwei waited in his cell. He had no way of telling how much time had passed. Growing hunger knotted his stomach, but his captor didn’t come back to give him food and water. He slept in fitful dozes and often woke with a gasp, unable to get his bearings. His father’s corpse visited him in his sleep, and when he was awake, memories of previous captivities swirled in his mind. To distract himself from his past, he thought of the Crows, but his thoughts turned dark with brutal speed. He wondered if they had even noticed his absence and if so, how long it had taken them. He wondered if they were worried, or if they couldn’t care less.

Desperately, pathetically, he imagined them coming to his rescue, imagined them showing him they cared. When he took to daydreaming in such a way, all he managed was to make himself cry. He had no hope they would come.

His captor returned, eventually. Fury distorted her face.

“Brekker is an arrogant bastard, but he is mistaken if he thinks I’ll just give you up if he doesn’t meet my terms,” she spat at Kuwei, as though it was his fault Kaz wasn’t coming.

Kuwei sighed. “He just doesn’t care enough about me. I told you that already.”

“Shut up! I didn’t ask you to speak.” Keys jangled as she opened the cell, and Kuwei recoiled backward when she stepped into the narrow space. “If he needs more incentive, I’ll happily give him some.” Kuwei didn’t want to serve as an incentive. He didn’t want his body parts to serve as incentives. Which would it be? A finger, an eye, an ear? His tongue, perhaps, if she was truly angry that he’d spoken.

She unsheathed a knife from her side, and Kuwei let out a broken keen. His vision blurred with burning tears. The woman stepped closer until she was towering over him. Nimble fingers played with the dagger. Kuwei was breathing too fast, tears streaming down his face, a sob stuck on the edge of his throat.

The woman grabbed his hair with a firm hand and held his head into place. Kuwei clenched his eyes and clamped his mouth shut. But the woman only took a lock of hair and placed it into a box Kuwei hadn’t noticed until now. He stared at it, dumbfounded, and his captor laughed.

“Oh, darling, don’t worry. This isn’t the only thing I’ll send.”

Kuwei’s head snapped up towards her as fear skyrocketed in his stomach. But she put the knife back in its sheath and instead went for the keys dangling from her belt. She freed one of his hands, then the other. Kuwei would have liked to throw himself at her, to do anything to defend himself, but he hadn’t moved or eaten in days, and he was weak as a kitten.

All he could do as his captor unsheathed her knife again, her eyes gleaming with eagerness, was to scramble back to wedge himself in the corner of the room. She laughed and moved closer, until she could grab his hair again. She yanked his head back so he was looking at her in the face. Her blade caressed his cheek; blood pearled from the shallow cut.

The woman bent down toward Kuwei, as though she was about to say something. Kuwei would never know what that thing was, for the corridor’s wall facing the door of his cell exploded. The woman let go of Kuwei and whirled around. Kuwei’s head bounced against the stone wall from the suddenness with which she released her grip on him, and the world spun around him.

Before Kuwei could begin to comprehend what was going on, his captor grabbed him again and yanked him up by the arm. With one arm, she pinned him against her, and with the other, she pressed the blade of her knife to his throat.

Kuwei sucked in a startled breath when his eyes focused on the corridor. In front of Kuwei stood the Crows. All four of them. Jesper pointed his guns at Kuwei’s captor and, subsequently, at Kuwei, and Wylan had a hand deep in his satchel. Kaz stood next to them, Inej hovering behind his shoulder, acting as his shadow and making her presence forgotten.

They had come.

“Do you have what I asked, Brekker?” asked Kuwei’s captor. “You better have it, or the boy dies.”

“If you harm him, you won’t live to regret it,” threatened Jesper. The woman ignored him.

“Give me what I want, Brekker, and I’ll release him.”

“I don’t trust your word,” replied Kaz coldly. His eyes, hard and unreadable, were fixed on Kuwei.

“You don’t have a choice,” spat the woman and pressed the blade harder against Kuwei’s neck. The skin broke, and blood trickled slowly down his neck, staining the collar of his shirt. Kuwei held his breath as well as he could and closed his eyes. He didn’t dare look at the Crows. They had come, but perhaps they had thought they could retrieve him without having to agree to the demands of his captor. What would they do now?

Kaz’s cane clicked against the stone floor as he entered the cell. Kuwei’s eyes flashed back open, and he stared at the man with wide eyes. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Inej slip into the cell, nearly melting into the wall. His captor hadn’t noticed her. Kaz stopped a foot away from Kuwei and the woman and reached into his pocket. He took out a neatly folded paper and held it between deft fingers.

“If you want this, you’ll have to let him go.”

The woman scoffed in Kuwei’s ear. “I know you, Brekker. I ain’t doing shit so long as I don’t have the paper. Put it in the box in the corner of the room, and I’ll let the boy go.”

Kaz’s eyes didn’t even glance at the box. They stayed fixed, unyielding, on the woman’s face. “No,” he said, and a second later, the woman gasped. Inej had entered the conversation, Kuwei guessed. “You let him go, and you’ll have the paper,” continued Kaz. “If you don’t, the Wraith will take care of you.”

“What tells me you’ll keep your word?” snarled the woman.

Kaz smirked wryly. “You don’t have a choice,” he parroted. “I don’t care about this paper. You can have it. But you have to let him go first.”

A moment passed. Tension thickened in the air, and Jesper’s fingers tightened around the handle of his guns. Wylan’s eyebrows were furrowed with intense concentration.

“Tell your guys to let go of their weapon,” demanded the woman eventually. Kaz turned to Jesper and Wylan and nodded. Jesper muttered something derogatory under his breath, but he kissed each of his guns and put them on the floor next to Wylan’s satchel.

Finally, the woman released Kuwei. She pushed him forward harshly, and he would have sprawled on the floor had Kaz not caught him with a firm arm. Quick as a bird, the woman snatched the paper from Kaz’s fingers and escaped through the hole in the corridor’s wall.

With more care than Kaz had ever shown Kuwei, he lowered him to the ground. Kuwei slumped against the wall, breathing hard. The cuts on his cheek and throat stung, but he’d had worse.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped. Kaz waved his apology away.

“Are you injured?” asked Inej, kneeling beside Kuwei.

Kuwei shook his head. “Hungry and dehydrated, but aside from that, I’m fine.” He was not. He would have nightmares about this for weeks and couldn’t bear the thought of the Crows hating him even more. “Why did you come?” he asked.

Jesper appeared behind Inej, Wylan by his side. “Why wouldn’t we?” replied the sharpshooter.

Kuwei didn’t dare meet any of their gazes. “Because you hate me,” he whispered. “And now I’ve made you lose something valuable.”

“We don’t hate you,” said Wylan. Tears gathered in Kuwei’s eyes. Adrenaline was coming down, and he was coming undone.

“You don’t have to—”

“We don’t hate you,” repeated Kaz. “And Inej and I will go and retrieve the paper tonight. Make an example out of the woman, show anyone who thinks they can go against me that they are badly mistaken.” He stopped, and his face gave a strange twitch. “We would have come anyway. Your life is more valuable than this paper.”

Tears spilled on Kuwei’s cheeks. He couldn’t find his words.

“Let’s get you home, alright?” said Inej gently.

He nodded. The Crows had come. The Crows cared.

@febuwhump @the-narnian-sea

[bazberkker]

Fic description: Nothing at the University of Ketterdam makes sense; not the classes, the people, nor the fact that Wylan's father had enrolled him there in the first place [...] When students begin disappearing all around Ketterdam, Wylan must decide where his trust lays.

Relationship: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck

Characters (in chapter): Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Kuwei Yul-Bo

Tags: Main Character Death, Dark Academia, Roommates to Lovers, College/University AU (kinda), conspiracy

"The students slowly file in when I spot him: the mysterious student from Shu Han. Ketterdam U rarely gets students from there solely because Shu Han's education system is infinitely better. They've got better science, language, and history departments. Their universities are cheaper, too, with even higher graduating rates than Kerch. The only thing KU has that they don't is their competitive business classes. And music.

But this out-of-state visitor of ours isn't studying business or music. He's here to study chemistry under what people have said is practically a full-ride scholarship at the ripe age of fifteen years old.

I can hear Jesper's voice in my ear, saying: "He's a genius!"

Well, even if that weren't true, he sure does act like one. He sits beside me, hunched down low to write out his notes furiously. (Again, class hasn't even started yet. He's just doing it to draw attention to himself.) Long, thin black hair falls into his face. He is just as much an intellect as he is attractive, and the idea that Jesper might just admire that...

I hate Kuwei so much. "

[lunarthecorvus]

Six Of Crows Canon Divergence fanfiction recommendations

part of Lunar's soc fanficiton rec series

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The Pugilist's Creed by @bardelow

Wordcount: 123k Chapters: 30/30

Characters: Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker, Matthias Helvar, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Original Characters

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Gun Violence, Angst, Established Relationship, Slow Burn, Kidnapping, Major Character Injury, Gunshot Wounds, Matthias Helvar Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fjerda, Ketterdam, Canon-Typical Violence, Protective Kaz Brekker, multiple POVs, Inej Ghafa is THAT bitch, Really everyone is THAT bitch, Eventual Fluff, Slow burn Kanej, Established Wesper, established helnik, Helnik Wedding

Author's summary/notes: “I wonder if you’d be dragging your feet like this,” Nina spoke through gritted teeth. “If it was Inej’s life on the line.” A storm fell over Kaz’s features, but he did not move, did not let his eyes fall away. Instead, he spoke in a slow, calculated tone. “I’d choose your next words very carefully, little deathrender. However soft you think I’ve grown, remember that I am always willing to show you that the monster is still alive and well.” It's been sixteen days since Matthias and Wylan were taken, and Kaz Brekker has chased down every possible lead only to come up empty handed. However, with an angry Nina and desperate Jesper at his side, he is willing to do whatever it takes to find his missing crows and bring them back home - even if it means more blood on his hands. My summary/notes: The first part of this fic is VERY angsty and consists of Nina and Jesper being mad at Kaz. Kaz is gen really trying to do his best. This fic comes with a side of badass Inej scenes. The rescue mission/'heist' was so fun to read even if it was intense and emotional. Matthias' POV's are written brillantly and I loved seeing the way his mind worked, he was very book!Matthias in this fic. I will end this with saying Inej, knife, heart.. that scene-

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carry your heart in their teeth by boybi_i

Wordcount: 21k Chapters: 1/1

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Matthias Helvar, Kaz Brekker, Jan Van Eck, Alys Van Eck, Kuwei Yul-Bo

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Book 1: Six of Crows, Kidnapping, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Except it takes like 17k to get to the comfort, Murder, Rescue Missions, Major Character Injury, Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Torture, None of said torture happens on screen but it is referenced and talked about, Knives, Knife giving as a love language, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Haphephobia, Canon Disabled Character, Inspired by a The Crane Wives Song, Jan Van Eck Bashing, Canon-Typical Violence

Author's summary/notes: “They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me” - Take Me to War, The Crane Wives - On Vellgeluk, Van Eck kidnaps Kaz. Inej discovers the lengths that which she will go to get him back. My summary/notes: I loved reading Inej's thought process throughout the whole fic, the feelings were written so well. This fic was so interesting especially because its ck Inej and not post canon Inej dealing with Kaz. The crows do argue a lot in this fic, and Inej is focusing all her energy trying to figure out how get Kaz back while ignoring her pain. Very whumpy.

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Plan F by bbbeautifulboy

Wordcount: 168k Chapters: 30/? (hasn't been updated in a year)

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, Alternate Ending, Jurda Parem, Matthias Helvar Lives, On the Run, Canon Disabled Character, Deaf Character, Found Family, Jesper Fahey Has ADHD, Sign Language, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Angst with a Happy Ending, this fic is so unhinged, Mental Instability, Chronic Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Addiction, Platonic Relationships, Service Dogs, Plot, Healing, POV Multiple, Pirates, Crows as Found Family, Captain Inej Ghafa, Time Skips, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Simp Matthias Helvar, Original Character(s), Including a baby, Minor Character(s), Developing Friendships, Hallucinations

Author's summary/notes: The Auction fails, leaving all of the Crows with a warrant for arrest over their heads and all of Ketterdam and the countries beyond officially their enemy. They've lost everything: their money, obscurity, and their last chance at winning and walking away free. They can only be helped by the Saints and each other now. What will they do to survive? The home that’s lived for years in his nightmares surrounds him, but he cannot see past the five people in front of him. His crew- they’re all looking to him, and as long as they are, he has something to fight for and protect the way he did his reputation and name in Ketterdam. He’s not letting them go. My summary/notes: In this fic you have everything, cottagecore, fluff, angst and a whole bunch of plots. The crows really feel like found family in this and its so sweet. A whole bunch of angst so be warned. Helnik is so cute in this fic. This was one of the first big fics I read and I absolutely adored it.

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l'appel du vide by @alltheworldsinmyhead

Wordcount: 41k Chapters: 8/8

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Tante Heleen

Tags: Angst with a bittersweet ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Marriage of Convenience, Kaz and Inej make a deal, jokes on them, mentions of past trauma, Canon Backstories, Past Rape/Non Con, Partners to Lovers, slowburn, Inej nevr becomes the Wraith, post-revenge Kaz, Kanej - Freeform, secondary wesper, Canon-Typical Violence

Author's summary/notes: “He was hoping that bringing a famous prostitute on his arm to the saloons and ballrooms of the rich and the powerful of Ketterdam would at least bring him some entertainment if nothing else. But what Kaz did not take into consideration was what marrying a woman like Inej really meant.” CANON DIVERGENCE AU: Kaz comes to the Menagerie for Inej many years too late and bites off more than he can chew. My summary/notes: Honestly this fic is the best thing I've ever read. It presents Inej's character so her but at the same she's so different and its expected as she has been in the menagerie for so many years. This story is a marriage of convenience and follows both Kaz and Inej's path of miscommunication angst and some healing along the way. If you read this fic you will never be the same.

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A Shift in the Air by Just_Another_Bookworm

Wordcount: 176k Chapters: 66/66

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Pre-Canon, Kaz is Deaf, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Slow Build, canon adjacent

Author's summary/notes: The chattering masses of people he passed didn’t know it yet, but they would one day fear the half-drowned nine year old shaking from the cold and the effects of the plague. Then again, no one knew much about Kaz Brekker. They didn’t know he wasn’t from the Barrel or that he’d once had a family. They never guessed where the rasp in his young voice came from. They certainly didn’t know why he really wore gloves. Most weren’t even convinced he was human. No one ever suspected that Kaz Brekker was deaf. *** Basically a random story of what if Kaz went deaf from the plague. It starts sort of pre-canon and has expanded. I am bad at summaries so read the first chapter if you want to get a feel for what this story is. My summary/notes: Reading this Deaf Kaz AU was so fascinating, they adapted Kaz being deaf around canon soc so well. The Kanej in this fic captures that beauty of understanding each other through not saying words. It also goes into Kaz and Jesper's brother bond and it so sweet to read.

[retvenkos]

nhaban (rising phoenix) | k.y.b.

Grishaverse - A Kuwei Yul-Bo story, angst.

tw: lots of burning imagery, mentions of death, choking imagery, spoilers for Six of Crows

word count: 1.2k

A/N: We don’t get a direct translation of the phrase “my son” in Shu, but “yul” is “son” and “kebben’ya” is “my kin/my only” so i made some inferences and I am 90% sure “yul’ya” is how you would write “my son.” I’m doing my best, here. Also, in this house we love and support Kuwei Yul-Bo, so I expect you to bow down before him.

Summary: Kuwei was always a phoenix - burning from the inside out, choking on all that ash.

When Kuwei had been a child - not yet anything - a boy with a life in the making and a haunting not yet rooted deeply, the world was vast and painted in beautiful, burnt hues. He spent those days running in the gardens of his home, his father chasing him through the flowers, his grin too wide and his sides aching with too much joy. His father would catch him and raise him high in the air, where the sun caught his being and warmed him to the bone. Kuwei would squeal with delight, and when he stood down on the earth again, he would cast a look toward his mother, resting in the shade. She would smile, and Kuwei wouldn't notice anything else.

At night, his mother would tuck him in, her dark hair rippling down her shoulders, her hands warm and strong. "My little phoenix," she'd say. "You shine brighter than the sun."

And Kuwei would feel a fever in his chest, then, something hotter than warmth, but not quite bitter.

Kuwei's father was a scientist, and his mother was an artist. In their home, equations mixed with pictures - drawings on the margins of lengthy operations, numbers jotted on the corner of sketches - and there was never enough surface for pencil and pen. Once, when Kuwei was sleeping, he awoke from his slumber and saw his mother standing in his room, her hair pushed back behind her ears, her paintbrush precise as she filled Kuwei's wall with depictions of little phoenixes, their feathers on fire, their beaks open in a triumphant cry.

Kuwei watched her without speaking, and in the morning's stillness, he noticed the way her brow sweat with effort and how her hands shook with tired uncertainty. When he was a boy, not yet anything but balancing on the precipice of something, Kuwei saw how his mother stood and how all her life seemed to fail her slowly, all of her strength ebbing away from her chest. Kuwei gasped with some naive realization, and he couldn't remember what happened next.

The color blue was for mourning, and too soon, his family was draped in the shade.

✧ *:･ﾟ

Kuwei was always a phoenix - burning from the inside out, choking on all that ash. When he was a boy, barely old enough to recognize the flame sparking in his chest, his father used to take his hands and cup them - like he was trying to catch all that Kuwei was before his son fell apart. 

"Yul'ya," he would say. My son. "This fire will not burn you forever. This power will not take you away from me."

But in its own way, it had.

Bo Yul-Bayur scoured his science for an answer. He believed, despite the fear that clawed at his sides, that there was a remedy for his son's cursed gift. Bo stayed inside - lost somewhere in the whitewashed walls of his laboratory, hidden somewhere within the blanched casing of his skull.

Kuwei watched his father from a distance - peering into doorways and stretching for glances over tall counters. 

Kuwei watched him and memorized the fear that glinted in his golden eyes. When he was old enough to understand the equations that filled the walls of Bo's laboratory, Kuwei joined in his father's work. Together, they searched for a saving grace. Together, they searched so Kuwei wouldn't smolder.

And during the day, Kuwei was a scholar; but at night, in the solace of his room, Kuwei burned.

If it wasn't a spark at the tips of his fingers, it was a funeral pyre in his stomach. Kuwei was burning before he learned to fan the flames; he was smoldering without respite. Even when he had been too young to fathom that his fire had the power to consume, Kuwei could feel the burning in his chest. He only indulged it at night, and in the silence, Kuwei burned from within.

In the morning, he was ash, and if his father ached when he looked at him, perhaps it was because of the soot.

✧ *:･ﾟ

Kuwei was always a phoenix, but he was more than just a mythos for the devout, more than whispers of the occult, and more than just drawings a woman had once painted on the walls of his room, fading but beautiful - dripping with devotion and despair.

Kuwei was a phoenix because he burned, and in his flames, he created something infinite. In the light of his fire, Kuwei could see the flash of his father's eyes and the amber of his burnt, perpetually summered world. And occasionally, when the tongues of the blaze jumped high enough, he could see smoke curling into the figure of his mother - a woman singing him to sleep, all of her hopes and dreams caught in her throat, choking her sweetly and harmonizing just for him.

Kuwei was always a phoenix because he burned, and sometimes, his fire wasn't strong enough to light the way. Sometimes, he was just spitting - popping sparks of what he had once been, yearning to devour whatever stood in his path, but not having the necessary firepower laced in his heaving chest.

When his father created parem, Kuwei wanted to ignite the laboratory and all of the research it held. He wanted to watch it burn down to the ground and turn his golden world into nothing but ruin and cinders. The heat within him was already leaping in his chest, but his father warned him that something would rise from the ashes, and perhaps it would not be something they could control. Kuwei had seen fear in his father's eyes, then, so he let his fire stew within him, his chest aching with greed, vowing that one day, he'd burn every laboratory and factory until they were nothing but ash. Someday, he'd let his work on parem explode from within.

Then the Fjerdans attacked, and Kuwei was not burning, but his father was. His father was a phoenix, with fire in his heart and his golden eyes dancing with ire. Kuwei watched his father as he always had, his golden eyes sharp, his reeling mind apt, his bleeding heart still raw, building with the pressure of a scream. His father was burning - he always had - and together, they were becoming ashes.

The Fjerdan's caught them, their foreign language harsh on Kuwei's ears, their eyes filled with bloodlust, and their wolves snapping at their feet. Kuwei's father was bloody and bleeding and dying, but he took Kuwei's hands in his own and cupped them - like he was trying to catch all that Kuwei was as his son fell apart.

"Yul'ya," he had struggled to say, his life failing him slowly, all of his strength ebbing away from his chest. My son. "Your fire is mine; it burns you no longer."

And Kuwei knew what it meant, and no matter how he cried and no matter how the flames ravaged his insides, he was not a phoenix - he was just a boy with death in the making and a haunting that was rooted too deep. This fire would not serve him, so he would keep it in a cage - like his father once had. And if it burned, he would not feel it. He couldn't let it - not when he belonged to drüskelle, now.

Kuwei's tears were hot, and in his heart he was spitting, and in Shu, he whispered powerlessly. "This power will not take you away from me."

But in its own way, it had.

--

taglist: @fives-cup-of-coffee, @musicallisto, @catsbooksandmusic, @thefifthweasley, @thegirlwhocriedwerewolf, @amirahiddleston​ // message me if you want to be added!

[bazberkkerwrites]

Day Eight of Out-of-Context Excerpts from my Wesper Fic:

"I don't pay you to be nice to me."

"You're right. In fact, you don't pay me at all; your father does." Jesper thought it over with a laugh. "I guess that makes him a sugar daddy in two ways. How does that make you feel? Knowing he's my sugar daddy?"

"Awful and I wish you'd leave me alone."

"Oh, you know you love it," Jesper said with a wink.

((Chapter Eight: The Party from “A Study in Music Theory” by bazberkker on AO3))

[writtenfangirl]

On the Ferolind

This one is a little bit more connected to the Six of Crows universe than my previous stories just cause I'm currently doing a reread.

I did something different and brought Matthias along for a ride! I clearly love me some enemies to lover trope

No trigger warnings that I know of

Part 2 if you guys are up for it!

The sea felt more like home than Ravka ever did. It called to her, a mesmerizing siren song that she could never resist. When she was at sea, there was a calmness that settled in her, a jolt of peace that not even a good hand at the card tables could bring.

Her hands moved, feeling the shifting waves as though she was swimming in the sea itself rather than sitting on the boat Dirtyhands had obtained for their job to infiltrate the Ice Court and rescue Bol Yul-Bayur.

She had been brought here by Nina after Nina was turned down by nearly every Squaller she’d approached and, at the time, Y/N had wondered why. Brekker was paying her good money to be here, more money than she’d ever thought she’d have for herself. Enough money to bring her home back to Ravka. It was a tempting offer, even if the job risked certain death. Money, after all, was the only thing that talked around Ketterdam.

Then Y/N boarded the Ferolind and she knew why all those Squallers said no.

Nina has brought a Drüskelle on the ship.

She’d attacked first and asked questions later. Water had slapped against the ship, rising high enough that if Brekker hadn’t bribed the Stadwatch, they surely would have been caught. The water had seized hold of the drüskelle and had nearly dragged him under had Nina not stopped her.

Now, he sat near the mast of the ship, his legs bound in iron. He had been queasy since they left the harbor and it hadn’t escaped Y/N attention that every time he’d vomit overboard, he’d send her a glower so strong, it was like she was personally responsible for making him feel sick.

He was glowering at her again, his blue eyes like chips of hard glaciers. Y/N had never been to Fjerda before but she imagined that the water that surrounded the nation was the same color as his eyes. Clear and electrifying.

“Keep glaring at me, Helvar, and I’ll make this ship run so fast and high, you’ll vomit your whole stomach out,” Y/N snapped in Kerch.

“Witch,” Matthias hissed venomously in Fjerdan.

“Murderer,” Y/N replied back in Fjerdan with as much venom as Matthias.

“Abomination.”

“A man of little honor as you calling me an abomination?”

“You—“

Nina, seeming to sense a fight, emerged from below deck just in time. Y/N’s fingers had already begun to twitch and a cold, gray mist had started to surround her, a tell-tale sign of her growing anger.

“Stop it, you two,” Nina said in Kerch. “I am not going to spend seven days on this ship hearing you bicker.” She sounded like a mother chiding her two children for arguing over superfluous things.

Y/N scowled at her. She still hadn’t forgiven Nina for misleading her about the job. Y/N had agreed to a job that involved breaking into the Ice Court, a job that could very much kill her. She hadn’t agreed to working with a Drüskelle. Nina knew more than anyone the inherent distrust the Y/N had for Fjerdans. Y/N had grown up at the Little Palace, just like Nina did. She ate the same meals, attended the same language classes and they even slept in adjacent rooms. They’d both heard stories about the ruthless Fjerdans—men of ice and snow who thought Grishas to be abominations—and their witch hunter armies. Her father had been killed by one of them.

When Y/N was told that Nina had been captured by a group of Drüskelle, she had vowed to avenge her the same way she vowed to avenger her father. Now one of them stands before her and it was Nina keeping him alive.

Y/N let out a huff of indignation and turned away from her friend. She raised her arms, the tide moving around their ship, pushing it faster as the wind swept through their sails.

“You can ignore me all you want, Y/N,” Nina said in Ravkan. “But that’s seven days without speaking to anyone else on this ship.”

“The Suli girl seems nice. I can talk to her.” Y/N said curtly.

“Inej is passed out belowdeck from her injuries. Try again.”

“The Zemini boy.”

“Jesper’s a ball of nervous energy you would never be able to keep up with.”

“Little merchling.”

“Wylan seems more inclined to draw than talk.”

“Dirtyhands.”

At that Nina let out a laugh. “If you can get Kaz Brekker to talk to you, I’ll crown you a saint myself for the miracle you’ll perform.”

Y/N frowned but didn’t say anything.

“I know you, Y/N. You can’t sit here for seven days without saying a single thing. You’ll give up eventually.”

“Maybe,” Y/N shrugged. “But that sounds like a challenge and I’ve always been competitive.”

She turned away from Nina again, clearly through with the conversation. She heard her friend sigh and said, “Stop provoking, Y/N, Helvar.”

Matthias couldn’t even release a retort before Nina jogged belowdeck to tend to Inej’s injuries.

It was silent again, save for Jesper’s incessant chatter and Wylan’s exhausted replies but they were sounds that were easily drowned out by the thoughts in her head.

Y/N didn’t know any of these people, at least, not personally. She wasn’t indentured to the Dregs like Nina was or like the other Grishas that fled to Kerch after the Ravkan civil war. She hadn’t come to Kerch to flee, she had come here on a mission: Find Grishas willing to come back to the Second Army.

When she’d stumbled upon Nina in Ketterdam, the elation she felt was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. After all, everyone assumed she’d died. Carted off to whatever hell awaited Grishas in Fjerda. Then Nina had explained to her that she had to stay in Kerch, to pay off a debt she owed not only to Kaz Brekker but to someone else. Nina hadn’t elaborated and had asked Y/N to trust her and Y/N blindly, foolishly did.

She’d stayed in Ketterdam for the better part of six months and occasionally wrote letters to Zoya and Genya and David and only giving them vague details of where she was, if only to remind them that she was still alive. She hadn’t deigned to mention Nina. If they’d known Nina was alive and well and thriving in Ketterdam, Zoya would have marched towards Kerch herself and brought them back home.

She didn’t owe these people anything. She didn’t owe anyone in Ketterdam anything. Her only allegiance was to her country and staying in Ketterdam for six months had nearly ruined any sort of good image Y/N had of herself. Her only consolation was gathering intelligence on all the indentured Grishas in Ketterdam and feeding the information to the Triumvirate, if only so they could provide safe passage for them should the time came that Y/N would free them.

In Kerch, it was common to see tattoos on people’s bodies. They were displayed proudly in places that could easily be seen by just about anyone. Tattoos were symbols of power in Kerch and it showed where to whom your loyalties lied. The smooth, unmarked skin on her arms signified her status. Grisha but unyielding and free. She’d managed to survive six months in Ketterdam all on her own with nothing but her wits about her. She was careful with the jobs she took and was intelligent enough to ensure that any contract she had to sign for a job was in her favor. Despite offers from nearly all the gangs in town, including one from Kaz Brekker himself, she’d managed to turn them down and find work for herself, earning enough money for a roof over her head, three square meals a day and even the occasional credit line at the Crows Club.

Y/N maybe a Grisha but she would bow to no one, especially not anyone in Ketterdam.

“You speak Fjerdan,” Matthias said in Kerch. His Kerch was an ugly sounding thing. He spoke in the accent of rapists and murderers in Hellsgate, where he likely learned the language. The sound was almost guttural, a growl of vowels and a snarl of consonants. Kerch was one of the languages that Y/N adored aside from her native Ravkan and she hated that somehow, Matthias managed to make it sound so monstrous.

“Nina and I had expensive educations,” Y/N replied in Fjerdan.

He scowled at her. “In the Little Palace.”

“Yes. In the Little Palace.” She had snapped at him, eyes blazing in fury. “If we had learned it in Fjerda, Nina and I would be dead by now. Isn’t that what you Drüskelle do? Kill innocent Grishas.”

“There are no innocent Grishas. You’ve killed hundreds of us.”

“And you’ve killed thousands of us! Because you think we’re abominations. You hold phony trials and yet you’ve never found a single Grisha innocent. You’re all dishonorable shams. Nina should never have rescued you from Hellsgate.”

The glare he sent her was fiercer than anything Y/N had ever seen before. She suspected that if looks could kill, she’d likely already be thrown overboard.

Y/N raised her arms and created a series of gestures that sped the movement of their boat. Water sloshed around the side of ship, slapping it from right to left frantically. The crew of the ship immediately grabbed hold on to the nearest solid surface and Wylan even threw his body over the makeshift table to stop the sheafs of papers that held their plans from flying around. Matthias’s once fearsome glare melted as his skin turned into a sickly palour before he gripped the sides of the boat and vomited the contents of his stomach.

Y/N released a satisfied smirk. She may not be able to kill Matthias but she can at least make him suffer, even if all she could do was make him vomit.

He sent her a nasty glare and she only sent him a flirty wink in return.

“Y/N!” Kaz barked from the wheel where Specht, the captain of the Ferolind, steered the ship to course, trying to stop the rocking of the boat. “Stop playing games!”

Y/N stuck her tongue out contemptuously. Kaz Brekker may be Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, leader of the Dregs, the one of the most feared men in Ketterdam but to Y/N, Kaz was just another person. Smart and devious yes but no one she couldn’t handle. She was a Grisha, a creature of myth and legend gifted with the extraordinary ability to control water. She had something Kaz didn’t.

Kaz scowled at her, clearly peeved at her insolence and she simply scowled back.

She flexed her hands again, creating a series of patterns in the air that caused the water beneath the boat to slow into a steady wave.

Nina emerged from belowdeck once again, a frantic look in her eyes, her usually perfectly coifed hair flying off in different directions. “What in the name of the Saints was that?! I had to strap Inej down with my own arms to keep her from falling off the bed.”

“Ask Y/N,” Jesper cried out as he straightened himself. “She nearly capsized the boat!”

“Really?” Nina cried out in a disappointed tone. “Y/N!”

“Don’t Y/N me,” Y/N said, repeating Nina’s tone at the sound of her name. “You keep me in a boat with Helvar and I will do whatever I can to push him overboard.”

“I am not paying you to kill Helvar, Y/L/N,” Kaz snapped as he walked towards Y/N, clearly pissed at her. His expression was downright murderous and Y/N suspected that he was close enough to strangling Y/N with his own bare hands.

“There’s the Dirtyhands that the Barrel knows and loves,” She said vindictively. “Keep your money, Brekker. I have no use for it.”

“If you hate it here so much, why accept the job,” Kaz asked, voice dangerously low.

“Because she asked.” Y/N pointed a finger towards Nina. “Nina’s my sister and as pissed as I am with her for misleading me, I am not going to let her go into enemy territory by herself with only the rest of you for company.” She turned away, not even caring that her hair hit Kaz in the face as she pushed Nina aside and stomped belowdeck.

For the next two days, no one spoke to her.

Inej, the Suli girl that had been injured in the skirmish before they’d boarded the Ferolind, had healed nicely but even she wasn’t talking to Y/N. Y/N only occasionally came up from her quarters belowdeck when she felt the wind still and knew that the Ferolind needed that extra push and when night came and everyone had gone to bed, she would exit her cabin and stay above deck, if only to watch the stars.

Tonight would be the third night she’d gone up while everyone had gone to bed. Her stomach had begun to complain after she’d missed both lunch and dinner for the day but she couldn’t even bring herself to search for a meal belowdeck. She only had a few hours of quiet while on the ship and she wasn’t going to waste it by trying to scrounge up a meal.

At night, the ocean was a different creature. It was stillness and peace unlike anything that she could describe. The stars would reflect against the dark waters and the Ferolind would glide on the ocean’s surface, a blanket of glittering lights that left no mark of where they had been, save for a few ripples of water.

Tonight, as Y/N emerged from belowdeck, she found that she was not alone.

Matthias Helvar leaned against the bow of the ship, sitting at the spot that she normally liked to occupy as she watched the stars. The wind whipped at his clothes, carrying with it the scent of the salty breeze. The moon’s rays reflected against his face turning his blue eyes into a lurid silver. His hair was still trimmed short from his time at the prison but with the way he sat, he looked as though he was crowned by the stars themselves.

Grudgingly, Y/N had to admit that he looked like a Saint.

His head snapped towards her at the sound of her footsteps, and, for the very first time, their eyes met without so much as a hint of malice.

She almost wanted to scowl at him and she knew he likely felt the same way but something about the tranquility of the evening demanded their peace and so Y/N’s face didn’t so much as shift an inch.

“That’s my spot,” Y/N said in Fjerdan, pointing at where Matthias sat.

“What?”

“Where you’re sitting. I sit there every night to watch the stars.”

For a moment, Matthias didn’t speak. He only stared at her and Y/N suspected he was likely considering what action to do next. To Y/N surprise, he shifted to the left, giving her more than enough space to sit down next to him if she wanted to.

She walked, almost quickly, and sat down next to Matthias. She hadn’t given herself a chance to change her mind.

There was nothing between them except the glorious sound of the water slapping against the boat. Y/N’s eyes were trained at the sky but her focus was on Matthias. At the heat his body exuded and the small amount of comfort that it brought her. She would have leaned against him if she didn’t have a sense of dignity. Embarrassment clawed at her, suffocating the small amount of comfort that Matthias brought.

He is Drüskelle. It would do her well to remember that. In any other given situation, he would have wrapped his large hands around her throat and squeezed.

Instead, Y/N took the blanket she had brought with her and wrapped it around her cold form.

“That is smart,” Matthias pointed out. His voice seemed so small, drowned out by the whipping wind.

“It gets cold up here at night,” Was Y/N’a only reply. “It gets even colder the closer we are to Fjerda.”

Matthias’ expression seemed to sadden at the mention of Fjerda but Y/N couldn’t be too sure. With the Drüskelle, everything could be a ruse.

“I haven’t seen my country in a year,” Matthias frowned. “I fear that, perhaps, I may not recognize it.”

Y/N hugged her knees, warming them up against the frigid cold. “I haven’t seen Ravka in two.”

“Oh?”

“I—“ she cleared her throat for a moment. Would it be treasonous of her to divulge her country’s secrets to one of its sworn enemies? “I’m like Nina. I go to other places, looking for Grisha who might want a chance to a better life.”

“To join your army.” His voice had developed an edge, one that Y/N couldn’t ignore.

“Better than being dead,” she shrugged. “Grishas in foreign lands don’t worry about Fjerdans executing them or Shu Hans experimenting on them. They have to worry about being found by their own otkazat'sya neighbors and being burned alive at the stake. Ravka offers them safety, a home. The chance to be part of something greater than yourself.”

“But being Grisha—“

“I know you’re going to call us an abomination but are we really? We cannot help what or how we are born anymore than you can help having your blond hair and your blue eyes. Would you trade your features, your face, to look like someone else?”

“I suppose not.”

“And I am no inclined to trade being Grisha for anything. Our life is one of hardship. Even in our own country, there is no rest, especially after the war. And now Nina tells me that there is a drug that could change our abilities and kill us. I—“ She sighed as she ran a hand over her tired face.

“You want to kill him, don’t you? The scientist developing the drug. Bo Yul-Bayur.”

“It might be hard for you to believe me but Ravka is my one and only love. If jurda parem got out into the world, my country’s already fragile stability will collapse into nothing. More and more grishas will die, experimented on by the Shu Hans or weaponized by the Fjerdans—“

“My country would never do that.” Matthias scoffed, clearly offended by the implication of her words.

“What? Weaponize grishas?”

“We are honorable. We would never use grishas as weapons.”

This time, it was Y/N’s turn to scoff. “You might be honorable, Helvar, but I’ve met enough Fjerdans in my life to know that honor is a rare breed amongst you. Do you know of Jarl Brum?”

He gave her a stiff nod at the mention of the name. “He was my mentor.”

“Your little mentor enjoys torturing grishas, did you know that?”

“No. He wouldn’t—“

“You don’t know your own people as well as you think you do, Helvar,” Y/N said almost condescendingly. The wind had picked up, the scent of the sea even stronger now than it was before. The moon’s round face looked down on them, illuminating the small space where they sat down. Y/N could feel Matthias begin to shiver against the cold wind.

“How would you know about what Jarl Brum does?”

This time, when Y/N spoke, she looked at Matthias. Her eyes were honest pools of E/C, relaying every emotion she knew she would feel, would likely feel all her life. “He’s the one who killed my father. He told me himself. My father was a high ranking Grisha in the second army. He was a close friend of the Darkling before he passed. The Darkling sent him out on a mission and him and his team was captured and executed. During one of my missions, I met Jarl Brum. Had I been less trained, less focused, he would have killed me the same way he killed my father. He told me…” Y/N trailed off, her eyes seemingly faraway as memory after memory flashed through her head. A sigh left her lips as she continued. “He told me he made my father scream. He told me about how he liked to hear Grishas scream. It sounds so human like, he said. I barely escaped with my life.”

Matthias looked at her, almost stunned at her revelation. “I didn’t—“

“Know? It’s okay. Not even Nina knows. It happened before I arrived at Ketterdam.” Her circling Fjerdan slipped into the soft tones of Ravkan. “A life for a life. He took my father’s. I’ll take his.”

Y/N wasn’t sure if Matthias understood her Ravkan but judging by his expression, he understood the look on her face at the very least. The look of a haunted girl, dogged by her past, tormented by memories of her father.

“That’s why you’re coming, isn’t it?” Matthias asked Fjerdan. “To find Jarl Brum and kill him.”

She gave him a slow nod. “I will find Bo Yul-Bayur and kill him. Then, I’ll find Brum and kill him too.”

“You’ve killed before?” Matthias seemed almost hesitant to ask.

Y/N raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. “Will I scare you if I say I have?”

“How? Your abilities are not like Nina’s.”

“Nina might be a heartrender and yes, it’s easier for her to kill and being a tidemaker meant I didn’t always have the advantage of using my abilities. But I was trained to be a soldier, a fighter. After what happened to Nina, Zoya, our mentor, made sure that I can still fight even with my hands tied behind my back.”

“And you’re a good fighter?”

“Probably better than you.”

This time, Matthias’s once stoic face cracked a smile. “I doubt that.”

At the sight of Matthias’s smile, Y/N’s own fell. She hated to admit it, but it was nice to talk to him without wanting to rip his throat out with her bare hands. She was never the type to be quiet and staying on a ship for 3 days without speaking to anyone would have driven her out of her mind if she didn’t take the evenings off to relax on the bow of the ship.

She almost hated herself for allowing Matthias to get this close. She’d spilled nearly all her guts out to this Drüskelle, her sworn enemy and she didn’t even feel sorry for it. Any amount of self-respect that she had for herself had dwindled into embers.

She cleared her throat as she stood up uneasily.

“Where are you going?” Matthias asked her, his voice almost kind.

“To bed,” she answered curtly.

She hesitated before she walked away. Her hands held tightly on the blanket she was holding, fingering its seams as she wondered at what she was about to do. She dangled the piece of cloth before Matthias, a small, embarrassing blush crawling at her neck at the action. “For when you get cold.”

Matthias stared at the blanket blankly as it dangled in front of him. For a brief moment, Y/N considered taking it back and leaving Matthias by himself in the cold and she would have done it had Matthias not reached out and gingerly taken the blanket. “Thank you.”

She gave him one nod before she quickly walked away without so much as another word.

A time may come where Y/N would feel something for Matthias other than outrageous contempt and perhaps, Matthias might even feel a sort of kinship with Y/N one day. But that day was not today and having her hatred for the Matthias dwindle from a raging forest fire to a tiny flame was enough for now.

[fricklefracklefloof]

"For as long as he can remember, Kuwei has been cursed with fire in his skin. Any flammable thing he touches will burn in an instant, collapsing into ashes like everything in his life has. There are a few things that can keep his fire at bay, but Kuwei knows that it doesn’t take much to feed it either.

When Kuwei came home one day to find his family dead, he cried till he couldn’t anymore, then finished the job. He set his home and any remaining traces of his childhood alight, and never looked back.

Now Kuwei lives in the city. It’s huge and bustling and the buildings are so crowded and compact Kuwei is terrified that if he makes one misstep the whole place will burst into flames. He tries to keep to himself, for fear of burning anyone if they ever get too close. But money is only growing increasingly more difficult to come by, and after joining a gang to make ends meet, Kuwei realizes that he needs to open up to people. Because the boy who has followed him from his childhood all the way to the city won’t seem to let him go no matter how hard Kuwei tries. And because now, for the first time in his life, Kuwei has found someone who refuses to burn under his touch."

my first fic for the @grishaversebigbang 2021 :) if you liked wof as a kid and never forgot about peril this is the fic for you.

i had the pleasure of working with:

my corporalki, beta readers:

@wybiegowritey

@owleys

my materialki, artists:

@artisticaperture with art here

@misterrimpossible with edits here and here

@niecity with art here and here

@bookish-ginger with art here

@ousakasougos with art here

[wylanvanfeck]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Kuwei Yul-Bo, Zoya Nazyalensky, Genya Safin, David Kostyk, The Legend of Harshaw Additional Tags: winter holidays, Festive Arson, the Grishaverse Gävlebocken, Kuwei does crime, Very mild King of Scars spoilers Summary:

There was only one thing Kuwei wanted for Sankt Nikolai's Day: to beat the other Grisha in turning the ugly straw goat to flame.

[funnyao3]

Taking a breath, he turned, but it was only Kuwei, squinting at him and looking like he had perhaps died in the night and been reanimated by someone who wasn’t very good at it.

[trassellynn]

SOC OCs

I am obsessed by OCs and she's one of my favorites.

Her name is Helèna Parr, also know as "Doc" or "The Basilisk".

She has Suli origins (from her mother's side) and has been found by the leader of a criminal gang, The Chimeras, when she was an injured child, with almost no memories of who she was.

She is a girl with autism, with incredible medical skills, and she's also an expert in poisons.

After Rollins destroyed the group, Helèna was taken by a cruel man, Count Lucien, who used her genius for personal purposes and mistreated her, leading her to believe she was a horrible monster (due to the scars on the left side of her face) and that no one would have loved her. He thought, in this way, she would have been linked to him forever.

She has later been able to escape, found a friend in another doctor, Julian, and started working with him.

And yes, I wrote of her saving Matthias. (hoping I represented her properly).

Yes, the lyrics in the second image are part of "Heaven's Light", from "The Hunkback of Notre Dame".

-Helèna always goes around with a mask that covers her scars.

- She has a cat named Dyna.

- She doesn't like money.

(Her skin is slightly darker than the actress' in the picture).

Well, do you have OCs in SoC?