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seresinhangmanjake · 3 months

Text

Come Back Together

Benny Cross x reader

Summary in bullet points:

Now that Benny is back in your life, he is trying to be a better husband

Benny is insecure about his relationship and a barfight ensues

Reader is pregnant (three months)

Benny does a bit of pining and is emotionally vulnerable

Fluffiness

Part 2 of Come Back Knockin’

Notes/Warnings: *Spoiler free*, angst and fluff, relationship struggles, physical altercations (fist fight), mention of blood and injury, mention of pregnancy, mention of alcohol, cursing, kissing, happy stuff, typos. I think that’s it. This took me forever to write for some reason and I was weirdly stressed about it. tf is wrong with me, right? Anyway…

Words: alright no one freak out…it’s 4300. Idk why it’s a lot longer than the first part but I always do that. If you’re willing to venture onward, I appreciate it :)

Benny Cross Masterlist

Part 3: Together and More

He stares at you incessantly. Which isn’t out of the ordinary—he used to stare at you all the time—but there’s something else to it now. He stares as if he thinks you’ll disappear the second he takes his eyes off of you. Like you'll slip through his fingers. Ironic, really, since disappearing in the blink of an eye is more his thing.

“Can I make you something?” he asks, staring at you from his chair while you pull a carton of eggs from the fridge. “You should be sitting instead of me.”

“You don’t know how to cook, Benny,” you state matter-of-factly, turning your back to him as you switch on the stove and set a pan on the lit burner.

Cooking has always been your responsibility. It was one of the things you brought to this relationship. And you liked being the one to keep Benny fed, never chiming in when the other Vandals’ wives and girlfriends mentioned how exhausting it was to satisfy their man’s grumbling stomach. You liked that Benny appreciated you for it.

Now you wonder if subconsciously you believed that as long as you fed him, he’d stay by your side, regardless of his wild nature. Kind of like a puppy. But Benny Cross is no puppy.

“I should probably learn,” he says. “You know, for the kid.”

You hum, cracking an egg on the edge of the pan. “Maybe you should stick to learning how not to ditch your family,” you retort, and immediately your features twist in a wince.

You can’t believe you let those words out of your mouth. You’d been doing so well at holding in the little jabs and remarks, no matter how hard they’ve pushed at your sealed lips. Not to say a few of them haven’t slipped through in the last month, they have, but each time they did, you received instant punishment in the form of Benny’s heart crumbling right before your eyes.

He’s never tried to make you feel guilty about your slip-ups, but he can’t seem to hide his expressions around you anymore. Ever since Benny returned, he’s been different. Your husband who was once so stoic has untethered his emotions from the piece inside of him that, for years, refused to let them show. His affection is more outward now, but unfortunately, so is his pain. So you made a rule to stop doing that to him; stop catching him off guard with words of hurt during a time of pending forgiveness. What he did was damaging, yes, but it’s unfair to pick at him when he’s been doing everything he can to show you he has value to this family; things he never would have done before.

He wakes earlier than you to clean the most-used areas of the house—a poorly done job; you still find dust in spaces dust should have easily been wiped up, but he tries. He found work at a mechanic’s shop not too far from the house, and surprisingly, he has yet to complain about it—a decent job was always something he physically and mentally shunned. He got rid of everything in the spare room and has begun painting the walls from the deep brown left over from the prior owners to a soft, light green that matches the baby blanket he brought you. It’s cute, and significantly better than you would have done without him. You would’ve been too stressed to put together a nice nursery.

Benny awkwardly clears his throat, breaking up your thoughts and bringing you back to the present. The lingering discomfort from your snide tone is palpable, heavy, just short of physically formed, and you can’t escape it.

“I didn’t mean that,” you tell him as you flip the egg.

The sizzle in the pan is louder as uncooked egg hits the heat, but you can still hear his deep breath, easily picturing the weak smile on his face when he softly says, “It’s ok. I deserve it.”

You’re about to protest, but he doesn’t give you the chance.

“I was thinkin’ about goin’ to a meeting tonight,” Benny says. “You wanna come with me?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Oh…” he says, dejected. “It's been a while since you've been to one. I know you stopped goin’ when I was…away, so I thought…”

You set the spatula down and turn to face him, crossing your arms. “I wasn’t going to go without you. And considering everything, everyone just would have pitied me. I'm sure they still do.”

His blue eyes fall to the tiled floor. You know he hates that such a thought would enter your mind, but it’s not as if you’re capable of stopping it. He put you in a pitiful situation, and were the circumstances placed upon another woman, you would have felt those same feelings for her.

“No one pities you, baby. I promise,” he says. “They miss you.” His head lifts so he can meet your stare. “But if you don’t want to go then I'll stay here with you. We can watch a movie or somethin’.”

Your eyes widen. “No!” you yelp. Benny’s head jerks back at the sudden outburst and you swallow to buy yourself time to sort your thoughts into words, but the best you come up with is: “You’re right, actually. We should go.”

“But you just–” His brow raises in skepticism. “Are you sure?”

If your options are club meeting surrounded by a large group of people or movie-watching with you and Benny alone, then yes, you are absolutely sure. The movie channels have rallied against you lately. Out of the five times you and Benny have watched a film since he came back, all five have been romances. All of them!

You don’t know if he scours the TV Guide without you noticing or if the television channels have simply rallied against you, but sitting beside your husband who you are trying not to give in to is made all the more difficult when watching Audrey Hepburn fall in love with George Peppard or Cary Grant or Greggory Peck for God's sake. You see them and it makes you forget things. You forget that you’re as upset as you are, and with Benny so close, your heart starts to pound and you can’t focus on anything else. You want to crawl right into his arms, let him hold you and kiss you and take you on the couch after what has felt like an eternity apart. But you can’t do that. It’s too soon. So no movies.

“Positive,” you nod.

An easy smile slides onto his face. “Well that’s great, baby. It'll be fun.”

“Yea. Sure.”

“Alright,” he says, standing. “I gotta get to the shop.”

He pauses as he passes by you, and you hold his gaze as he squashes the instinct to press his lips to your forehead.

You weren’t married to Benny for long before he panicked and left—only a handful of months—but it was long enough for the two of you to develop your own set of rituals. And by the consistency and ease with which Benny performed those rituals, anyone would have assumed they’d been in place for decades.

A kiss on the forehead after breakfast was one ritual. As was the bedtime cuddling with your leg slotted between his. And the way he’d stare at you in the mirror, his arms crossed and body leaning against the doorframe as he watched you brush your teeth with a grin on his face.

But the one you miss the most is the hug from behind that you'd receive once he’d decided to come home for the night. He’d circle his arms around your waist and place a kiss on your neck, and then he’d chuckle because he was so determined to sneak up on you and give you a little scare but was never successful. You could feel him before he touched you, you could smell his cologne, but you didn’t want to ruin his fun, so you let him have hope that one day he would finally surprise you.

Benny blows out a long breath through his nose. “I’ll see you tonight,” he mutters with a brief hint of a smile.

As the front door closes behind him, a carbon smell grabs your attention and you look over your shoulder at your breakfast. It’s charred, inedible, and you don’t even care, you just knock the pan off to the side to keep the house from burning down.

—

“Well, thank the lord,” Betty’s voice travels across the bar as she and Kathy approach you and Benny. “We weren’t sure we’d ever see you again, honey.”

Kathy draws you into a tight hug that rips you from Benny’s side. “Things have not been the same with you gone,” she says as she leans back, rubbing her hands up and down your arms. She smiles so sweetly and you breathe a sigh of relief. These women were your friends and you feel guilty for abandoning them just because Benny abandoned you. “Come sit.”

“Benny Cross, we are stealin’ your wife,” Betty declares, “And you don't get to whine about it.” There’s a dash of vitriol in her tone that nibbles at your gut and you hope it’s simply an effect of the alcohol she must’ve had prior to your arrival.

“Oh,” Benny says. You glance at him, at the disappointed look on his face—subtle, but there. He wanted you by his side tonight, but he’s not going to force you to deny their offer. “Ok.”

Kathy and Betty each take one of your hands and lead you to a small rounded table. It’s the centerpiece of the room, and as one of three surrounding it, so are you, unfortunately. As Betty sticks a cigarette in her mouth and Kathy takes a sip of her beer, your eyes scan the low-lit space.

Stares from the men lining the walls burn your cheeks. You recognize only half of them—the Vets, as they’re known—and they give you their smiles and nods in a ‘welcome back’ gesture, Johnny, in particular, sporting a rare grin.

The others—the Newcomers; out-of-towners who came specifically to join the club—look at you with something else in their eyes. Amusement? Curiosity? They seem to know exactly who you are and enjoy a little too much putting a face to the name. You, however, don’t know a single one of them. They’d arrived shortly before Benny left, and while some faces, those with distinct features, you can recall from nuggets of your memory, you’ve never spoken to them. You never got their names.

“Why this table?” you ask your friends.

“Best view of the pool table, obviously,” Betty chuckles after snapping Johnny’s lighter shut. She nudges her head in that direction. “Nothin’ wrong with lookin’, I say.”

Flanking the table are Cal, Wahoo, and Benny; Wahoo watching and chattering from the sidelines as Cal and Benny alternate between shots.

Benny edges from one side of the table to the other, sizing up his options. Then, cue in hand, cigarette dangling from his lips, he bends at the waist and lines up the shot.

He’s so stupidly beautiful. The lamp hanging above the table illuminates him, defining his muscles by highlighting the hills and casting the valleys into shadow. A haze of smoke coats your view, but his pure essence and magnetism break through it like rays of sun through parted clouds.

Benny’s eyes flick up to yours and he winks as he shoots, driving two balls directly into their nets.

Your mouth goes dry. You swallow sandpaper, leaving your throat all raw and scratchy.

“So, how’ve you been, honey?” Betty asks, and you turn your head. “How've you been feelin’? How’s that nausea?”

“Yea,” Kathy adds, leaning in close as if seeking out a secret, “and how’s it been goin’ with him? Any trouble?”

“Um, I'm fine,” you say, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind your ear. “Nausea’s manageable.

As far as Benny goes, there's no trouble,” you tell them, “It’s just–” You pause.

What can you say? That you haven’t fully forgiven him even though he’s working so hard to be a good husband? That some of the things he’s doing around the house are swoon-worthy compared to what most men you know would do but you’re too stubborn to express the depth of your appreciation? Any woman would look at you like you’re insane.

When you think about it like that, maybe you are insane.

“I don't know,” you say with a shrug and a shake of your head. “It's hard to explain.”

“Well, according to Johnny, Benny’s worried each day in the house will be his last,” Betty says, blowing a stream of smoke off to the side. “That boy’s so afraid he’s gonna mess up and let you down again that I'm surprised he hasn't lost his marbles. I read in Life that bein’ that anxious wreaks havoc on the body and mind.”

Betty’s always reading something in Life, and a good portion of the time you are hesitant to take her seriously. Not necessarily because you don’t trust what the magazine reports, but that Betty tends to exaggerate for kicks.

You have a feeling she’s not exaggerating this time.

Your face falls.

“Don’t you feel bad about it for one second,” Kathy scolds, placing her hand on top of yours. “You’re well within your rights to make him earn his place.”

“I know, but I don’t want him to be scared that I'm going to–”

You’re cut off by a male voice slipping through a brief lull in the cacophony of noise.

“If she don’t want Benny no more, she can bring her sweet ass right on over to me,” a Newcomer says in a slurring mess. “I’d sure take better care of her than he did.”

Every soul in the room falls deadly silent—the only remaining sound being the melody of Elvis's Baby Let's Play House from the jukebox—and the world around you freezes.

Cigarettes are held over ashtrays, their ashes yet to be knocked off. Beer bottles are raised to lips without the satisfaction of a sip. The bartender’s rag has only wiped up half of a drunken man’s spill. No one is breathing and everyone’s eyes are glued to either the Newcomer or your husband. Yours are on Newcomer, watching his features shift and tick as he soaks in the weight of what he just said, and what it’s about to cost him.

Kathy sighs. “Oh, god.”

The whole bar hears her—impossible not to; you could hear a mouse skitter across the floor—and her words seem to carry with them the wave of a green flag, because a moment later, Benny rushes the guy and tackles him to the ground.

Chaos erupts. All at once, shouts, curses, and hateful name-calling explode like the impact of a bomb. Nearly every man in the club is taking sides in the war between Newcomers and Vets. Fists fly into faces. Faces are shoved against walls. Walls are cracked from bodies slamming into them. There’s the distinct sound of bone meeting bone. Blood splatters across your table.

“Jesus, fellas!” Kathy snaps as she and Betty hop up, dragging you out of the danger zone.

In a panic, your head whips in all directions. You can’t find Benny, but you need to find him and you need to find him now.

You’ve seen him throw punches at races and members’ houses but this is too public a space, and if the cops are called, he can’t be caught fighting again. Nor can he risk having fingers pointed his way for instigating. He already has a record, and though you didn’t know him during his few stints behind bars, you know he has exhausted the sheriff's leniency. If you leave now, Johnny will come up with something to excise Benny’s participation should questions arise.

You take a step forward but Kathy’s grip is tight. “Where do you think you’re goin’?” she shouts.

“To get my husband.”

Betty gapes. “Are you crazy? You're pregnant!” But you ignore her, shaking Kathy off and heading into the storm. “Johnny! Johnny, grab her!”

You weave through fight after fight, stopping short when a body lands at your feet, but he’s up and out of your way in an instant, and you continue dodging and ducking until you spot a blond head. From what you can see, there’s hardly a scratch on him. The same cannot be said for the drunk guy beneath him.

Before you can move another inch, an arm circles your waist and jerks you back.

“Hey!” you snap. “Let go!”

“Not a chance, sweetheart. You stay out of it,” Johnny says, lifting you off the ground and setting you down in a safer area. He puts his hands on your shoulders and dips his head to your eye level, locking on to your gaze. “I’ll get ‘im, ok? I’ll get ‘im. Stay right here.”

You nod in agreement, your brows knitted and teeth chewing on your bottom lip.

From this location, you have a better view of your husband and the friend who is trying and failing to break up the fight. Johnny yanking on Benny’s dominant arm is not enough to stop the attacks. Neither is the forearm locked around his neck.

When Cal notices Johnny’s struggle, he pushes his opponent into a table and races over to take hold of Benny’s other bicep. Together they pull him off the man whose face no longer resembles a human’s. It’s a bloody mess. His nose is dented in, eyes swollen shut, lips split and mouth hanging open to reveal an empty space where a tooth used to be.

Benny’s chest heaves. Murder is in his glare. He jerks against his restraints but struggles to break free with the force of two men weighing him to the ground.

Then Johnny mutters something in Benny’s ear that immediately halts his thrashing. His breathing slows. The fire fades from his irises, returning them to their soft cerulean, and his eyes tear away from the beaten man to dart around the room in search of you.

As Benny spots you, Johnny's lips move, seemingly forming the words ‘Get outta here,’ before he pats Benny on the chest and lets him rise to his feet.

Benny comes to you and without stopping grasps your hand and leads you out of the bar.

—

“You think you fractured anything?” You ask as you slide the key into the lock and turn.

Benny stretches and flexes his fingers. “No,” he answers, trailing into the house behind you and shutting the front door. “Are you upset with me?”

He’s been wanting to ask that question since you left the bar. As he'd placed the helmet on your head and clipped the strap under your chin, you'd observed his lips, how they were parting as if to speak but unable to get anything out. And when he'd helped you off the bike in front of the house, his expression was far away, his jaw shifting, teeth clenching—the look of your husband in intense thought.

At least he finally spit it out. Normally, he would have run his fingers through his hair and sighed, opting not to bother you with the question; a behavior that used to drive you crazy. It took weeks after you met for you to accept that while Benny was willing to share a lot with you—things he didn’t intend to share with anyone; a life, for instance—there were things best not to pester him into revealing.

So you’re a patient partner. If it needs to be said or asked, it’ll be said or asked. And you're glad he decided this was one question that needed to be asked.

You sigh, hanging your jacket on the rack, and Benny follows, selecting the hook closest to yours.

“I mean, you nearly killed him,” you say as you make your way to the back of the living room and open the closet that houses the first aid kit.

On tippy toes, you can barely brush your fingers along the metal tin, and you grumble each time you unintentionally push it a little further back on the shelf.

A muscled arm reaches above your head to grab the kit. Benny places it in your hands before stepping back into the seating area and dropping down onto the footstool, his standard perch when you’re fixing him up.

Blue eyes are glued to your body as you take a seat on the couch.

You pull the lid off of the tin and riffle through it for the small bottle of alcohol—you’ll have to buy more soon, it’s getting low—and a clean rag. With the alcohol-soaked fabric at the ready, you slip your fingers under his warm palm, bring his hand close, and get to work dabbing the wounds and wiping off some of the dried blood. He doesn’t so much as hiss at the shot of pain that makes any other human groan and pinch their eyes tight.

“He was out of line,” he tells you.

“I’m not saying he wasn’t out of line, but I really don't need you getting in trouble and being taken away from me, Benny.” You’re focused on his injury, but out of the corner of your eye, he winces in shame. “Besides, he was just mouthing off.”

“Mouthin’ off about my wife.”

With a huff, you drop your joined hands onto your lap and shoot him a look. “I know, but do you honestly believe what he said could ever happen? Do you think I would leave you for some other man?”

You ask with the full expectation of a whip-quick reply—‘of course not, baby’—but Benny adam’s apple bobs, and his teeth clench as his eyes flit to the undoubtedly less interesting carpet.

“Benny…?”

He runs his uninjured hand down his face and looks up at you. “C'mon, baby, it's not that wild of a thought. Not after what I did to you,” he says, his thumb slowly running over your knuckles. “You are so much better than anything I should be allowed to have. But me? You could throw a rock in any direction and you'd hit a man better than me. One that wouldn’t have panicked and left you pregnant and alone for six weeks.”

You shake your head. “That’s not true.”

“It is true.”

“It is not, and even if it was, I don't want another man,” you confess. A beat passes as you exhale heavily to stave off the stinging of oncoming tears. “It hurts that you left, but I am working through it, we are working through it, ok? You’re not going to lose me, Benny Cross. Not unless you leave me.”

“I'm never leavin’ you,” he says.

You place your free hand on his cheek. “Then you’re never losing me.”

Benny swallows hard and scans your face—each and every feature—lingering on your lips before meeting your eyes. As your thumb strokes his cheekbone, he wraps his fingers around your wrist, turns his head, and presses a kiss to your palm.

“Baby, I miss you so much,” he mutters, his brows pinched in anguish. “I miss touchin’ you. I miss holdin’ you. I miss sleepin’ next to you.” He lightly shakes his head. “I know I don’t deserve you, and I sure as hell don’t deserve our baby, but I fuckin’ miss you.”

The unit that is your heart and body and soul feels as if it’s being cleaved in two. This isn’t what the past month of your lives was meant to be about. It was supposed to be about building trust, not dishing out punishment. And yes, you’ve messed up before, said things that weren’t fair, but keeping him at arm's length is more than that. It’s a deeper pain. Stronger. More potent. Not just for him, but for you as well, and now you can’t quite see the point anymore. Staying away from his touch does not help anything if what you want at the end of the day is to be together. And that is what you want.

When you touch your lips to his for the first time in almost three months, you whimper. You whimper and you melt and the tears want to come back because it’s so much easier to resist desire when you haven’t entertained it in a while. But now you’ve given in. You’re tasting him like you used to, tasting the remnants of gin and cigarettes and the blueberry pie you made for dessert, and it’s all Benny. Benny, who is so shocked that you’ve kissed him that it takes a handful of seconds before he kisses you back and becomes the Benny you know. And then he’s curling his arm around your waist and pulling you into his lap, and his hands are everywhere. Squeezing your thighs, sliding over your ass, tracing up your spine, holding the back of your neck to guide you closer so he can kiss you harder, and yea, you are never depriving yourself of your husband again.

Benny stands, taking you with him, supporting your weight as he keeps kissing you and you keep kissing him. He blindly turns and settles into the comfort of the couch with your legs on either side of his hips.

You lean back, breaking the connection of your lips. “Benny.”

He’s staring at you like you’re hypnotic, mesmerizing. Like he’s drunk on kisses. His fingers trace the curvature of your face. A thumb ghosts over the swollen pillows of your mouth.

“Yea, baby,” he says, voice gravelly, just above a whisper.

“Do you want to be back in our bed?”

Benny stiffens and he blinks away that glazed-over expression. “You mean it?” He asks. You nod.

“Are you gonna be in the bed too?” he says, sifting his fingers through your hair. “We're not just swappin’, are we?”

You smile. “No, we aren't swapping,” you promise him, your forehead falling against his. “I'm making room.”

---

A/N: I kind of want to do a time jump Part 3 with lots of Dad!Benny stuff. Let me know if you’d be interested in reading that. Thanks :)

Taglist (if you wanna join)

#benny cross x reader #benny cross #bikeriders #austin butler #the bikeriders #benny cross fic #austin butler x reader

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thesiltverses · 2 months

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A very big thank you

I posted this on Patreon, but really wanted to share it here as well:

Post-show life begins

For a long while now I’ve been getting up at 4.30 or 5am, grabbing myself the first coffee of four, and then coming to sit at my desk.

I open up the assembly cut of the newest TSV episode.

I listen to it, I try and pin down which scenes I need to be going back over today. I try and push through the entire morning without a break because when the momentum stalls, that’s what kills your release schedule. (I also worry endlessly about just how much of my hair is falling out, and how spending 12 hours a day wearing headphones could be contributing to that.)

Today was different. I still woke up early - it’s a hard habit to shake off, and probably a useful one going forward. But I didn’t go to my desk, and I didn’t put my headphones on.

I went to the rocking chair we bought for our son when he comes, and I sat there - gently swaying and trying not to spill my coffee all over it, because for some reason it’s fucking beige - and looked out over the city skyline.

I slugged back my coffee surrounded by all the stuff we’ve panic-bought for the baby, and I got to take all of it in - washcloths and the changing table and romper suits - with a sudden focus and a clarity and a rising excitement that I really hadn’t allowed myself to feel until today, because until today the work was still unfinished and there was still much left to be done.

All at once I felt very free, and fully sated, and happy and proud for everything that’s coming next.

There’s so much to feel grateful for from the past three years of working on this show. But what’s probably going to sit with me the most is being able to arrive at that moment and those feelings today, - and we have all of you incredible people to thank for that.

Not just in terms of listenership or financial support, although that’s been truly invaluable and a lifeline for us that’s enabled us to actually make the show - but also your enthusiasm, your passion, your jokes and comments and everything that’s helped to keep us motivated and working on it.

So - with as much feeling as words can convey, thank you so, so much for everything.

What’s coming next, in rough order

#1: Parentdom is going to take over our lives for a while! I also want to write the final Patreon episode commentaries in the next few days, while I have the time and the clear memories. #2: The next thing we’ll organise will be the post-season Q&A (we’d also like to do some kind of off-camera cast party if we can make schedules work, just to say thank you to our amazing VAs and celebrate with them). Please do ask us questions! #3: We have long-unfinished commitments to the Patreon which I need to complete: the last two episodes of So Long, Good Luck, and rounding off Sid Wright’s story. As ever, huge thank-yous for your patience with these; they’ve just been impossible to polish off while also working on the main show so much. #4: Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time is the possibility of going back to Season 1 and redesigning it from scratch to try and bring it closer in style to S2 and S3. We have the raw audio files - some of the mic quality will just be rough no matter what, but we can certainly try. This is something I want to be conscientious and careful about; I very much want to respect the sound design work that’s already taken place, and ensure we’re not overriding anything. But I do know that the initial quality still sometimes puts new listeners off; we were learning a lot about direction and mastering from scratch, and our designers were working with limited budget and a total lack of plugins, so there’s simply a lot more we can achieve now. (This would also be a good opportunity for me to finally rework the transcripts, another fallen hurdle). #5: A few months back, we were contacted by a literary agent in NYC who was interested in us adapting the show into a series of novels. There’s a long road ahead to actually get published, but I'm thrilled to say that I have signed with them and I’m really excited to hopefully start work on the first book once I’ve settled into dad-dom. I’ll need to check what’s possible, but if it doesn’t interfere with any contract condition I’d obviously love to share excerpts on here as it’s written. #6: Then there’ll also be another larger audiodrama project - we’ve spoken about the different possibilities before! Excited to get started on our final choice.

Just one last word about endings

God, endings are scary. Because endings are impossible.

How many serialised stories actually end in a way that’s received unequivocally well? People yelled at The Sopranos for its ambiguity and open-endedness. People criticised Breaking Bad for treating Walt too sympathetically at the end and relying on a generic mob of snarling Nazis to act as his final foe.

Endings are either too pat and neat, or too inconclusive to be satisfying, or too surreal and dreamlike, or they simply make what feels like the wrong choices for the characters we care about. We’re all caught in that barbed wire, creators and audience alike, weighed down by the baggage of what’s come before and we've already spent so much time anticipating the infinite possibilities of how it could all turn out - it’s like we can’t get free of the story that’s trying to end.

And the beautiful thing about these longform, iterative works is that they insist upon becoming completely ungovernable. No matter how much of a planner the creator claims to be, how much prepwork they carry out - they were never really in control. There’s spontaneity and surprises and dead ends and beautiful distractions that come spilling out along the way (I was baffled and delighted to learn that people really - at the end of the show, with such limited time to spare - wanted to find out what had happened to Eddie*).

So they can’t end. Not really. There’s too much wonderful mess in them to ever be reasonably disentangled.

And, of course, for every ending people remember with frustration or dissatisfaction, there’s another hundred endings that nobody remembers at all, because we lost our enthusiasm along the way and it feels better to keep going back to the start and avoiding the slow decline. (Who the fuck remembers how the umpteenth X-Files reboot ended? What increasingly tired post-modern antics was Alan Moore getting up to in the final League of Extraordinary Gentlemen books?). I really just didn’t want the show to end up in that latter category.

All of that probably sounds like I’m warding off criticism about the show's ending, but for me it’s actually been the opposite.

For an ending which is all about narrative dissatisfaction, and failed potential and missed opportunities, and how we need to come to terms with the lack of existential fairness and certainty and narrative control in our lives and keep ploughing forward all the same for as long as we possibly can, I’m massively stunned at just how positive the reception has been on here and elsewhere, and that’s something I’m actively having to process, because I think I was fearfully anticipating much more pushback.

But, look - the Eskew finale was originally quite poorly-received and then people came back around to it over time. So I’m not going to pat myself on the back too hard, because maybe it’ll ultimately be the opposite with this show, and that’s OK. For 200 years everyone was convinced King Lear was improved by having everyone survive at the end and get married. Endings take time to settle into their final condition.

For now, I am incredibly relieved that the ending we chose seems to have landed for most people, and I’m incredibly grateful for the lovely messages we’ve got about it and for the trust in us that you’ve all shown throughout the story.

So, yeah, let’s end with another thank you, because that’s what I feel so deeply and so forcefully at this point.

Thank you so much again, and speak soon.

Jon

*My take? We’ve established that the guy is in some kind of blue-collar job and has been pushed into constant overtime due to the reduced workforce. We’ve seen that the so-called ‘national holiday’ doesn’t actually rescue workers from their commitments. So I personally imagine that Eddie was working during the parade somewhere on the city outskirts, and is alive and well.

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snickerdoodlles · 8 months

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one of my most formative fandom experiences was a comment i had gotten on a fic i wrote for a halloween themed fandom event.

this was for a manga/anime, so the fic was a general ghost story obviously set in Japan. the beginning of it involved a pizza delivery and while writing it, i had spent like 30 minutes just double checking tipping customs and the types of pizza they serve and even fell down a wikipedia rabbit hole looking up the history of pizza in Japan.

now, i just like the research part of writing, i do stuff like this because i have fun doing it. and while i was writing this particular fic, i had laughed at myself for my 30 minutes of googling that amounted to 2.5 offhand lines in a 3500 word fic. i didn't think anyone would care about or even notice those particular details except for me, especially since none of them were relevant to the ghost part of this ghost story.

except, when i had sent this fic to a Japanese friend, the first thing she said to me about it was "OH MY GOD YOU GOT THE PIZZA RIGHT"

and that was the moment when it had really clicked for me. what had just been 30 minutes of effort on my part had become a moment of relief for her. my friend was far more used to reading ethnocentric fic that ranged from unintentional ignorance to outright superiority against part of her culture (the original story's culture no less). and even with the "innocent" ignorance (heavy quotes on that) far outstripping any outright maliciousness, that's still so many people saying her culture was not worth learning about. the pizza in my story was a small detail, but i had cared enough to put in some effort to check it. and for her, coming from a fic experience where her norm was bracing for hundreds of inaccuracies born of ignorance, especially at that time after a flood of stories centered around "Halloween as a cultural holiday in the US" premises instead of the "Halloween is a commercial gimmick in Japan" reality, seeing someone put in some effort even for minor story details meant something to her.

this also throws me back to the discourse that arose in a french show fandom a few years ago because there were a lot of fic authors that wrote 'dollars' instead of 'euros'-- but when people brought this up as a prevalent issue across the fandom but an easy one to fic/watch out for, many of these writers instead pushed back to complain that they were posting stories for free and it wasn't that big of a deal. which really upset a lot of people, but then this upset was met with a new wave of indignation that people needed to 'get over it' because they're writing fic ~just as a hobby~. but, even if 'dollars' instead of 'euros' wasn't a big deal, by digging in their heels about the issue, they were saying "your culture isn't worth even five minutes of my time or effort."

I've been thinking about these things lately because the ethnocentrism in Thai drama fandoms is...staggering. just over the turn of the year, there were waves of Christmas fic for Buddhist characters. and just. Christmas in Thailand is a tourist thing at best. sometimes a pop culture gimmick for international audiences or maybe an offhand high school thing to blow off steam between midterms. it's not a cultural thing. and even if a character is a part of the Christian minority, a Christian Thai's holiday customs and culture are going to be vastly different than a Christian's customs in the Americas or Europe. and while the Christmas fic is at least finished for now, I'm already bracing myself for the Easter fic wave that also seems to pop up for Thai dramas. it's so frustrating to see this sort of cultural overwrite all the time, especially since most Thai drama holiday works aren't about Thai holidays.

but the thing that really got me bristling about all of this again was i saw a post the other day where op said that they weren't going to write [thai drama] fic because they don't know much about thailand.

what an absolutely appalling statement to make.

google is right there. wikipedia is free. you don't even have to leave tumblr or AO3 to learn more because there are Thai natives in fandom who write essays to explain common elements of their culture. hell, even just watching these Thai stories and considering the values and messages imparted by the narrative framework and story lens tells you something about that culture. the audacity to look at a culture different from your own and say "this is not worth my effort or time to learn anything more about," are you kidding me?!?

the messages and values of a story tell you about the writer's values, which are going to carry their cultural values, beliefs, and biases. Thai culture is going to be heavily relevant to any Thai story, even the ones that aren't explicitly about Thai culture/customs/etc. (hell, Thai bl/gl as a genre alone-- just the fact that queer Thai writers are making these stories in Thailand's current political climate is highly political, even the "fluffy" ones that don't seem to make outright political statements.) to approach any story like it was made in a vacuum is to remove the writer(s)' culture and values and to overwrite them with your own.

especially because this is fandom. these are the lowest stakes to learn! it sucks to see people say things like "but i'm scared i'll get something wrong" and hold up that fear as a shield to justify their ignorance. no one's expecting anyone to get every detail right, especially not for a culture that isn't theirs, just make an effort to learn something new about it. pick out something that caught your eye as different to learn more about and see where it leads you.

and for the record--making a mistake trying to broaden your horizons is a far, far better thing to do than to superimpose your culture on everyone else's because you're scared to confront your ignorance.

edit: check out this reblog thanks

#fandom

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phas3d · 2 months

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Fake Dating | Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: none

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

notes :: fake dating is the FUEL TO MY LIFE AHHH slightly inspired by "please please please" by Sabrina Carpenter because ofc it is

DRACO MALFOY

He's bullied you for ages, literally making your high school years hell

But after his father and mother pressure him with questions about a girlfriend

He gets sick of it and wants to shut up for ONE NIGHT just one fucking night

So he gets you to pretend to be his partner, because you're the only girl willing to say yes (because ur scared of him)

Corners you and threatens you, "If you don't give me an Oscar worthy performance I will literally burn all of your uniforms and books"

Now you're at his house, eating expensive steak under 3 chandeliers

No one knows why he has 3 chandeliers,,, not even his parents

But instantly, his parents love you for your nerdiness and cuteness

They see you as a sweet and innocent little partner for Draco :)

But uh oh... you were TOO perfect for his parents

Now Draco is asking you to go with his parents to Germany for a "little trip"

Except their idea of a "little trip" is a week vacation in the most expensive hotel and meeting German celebrities

You can't speak German, but Draco can so he helps answer any questions asked towards you

But for some reason, he gets super agitated as you keep attending parties and people keep coming up to you

He gets so mad on the second-to-last-day of the week vacation to the point he grabs some random guys collar and shouts at him

You pull try to pull them apart but it's too late...

Draco gets his ass whooped... Badly... Embarrassingly bad...

You leave the party early, going back to the hotel alone as you patch his wounds

That's when you ask why he was so upset

But he refuses to answer, saying it's just that the guy was annoying

It's obvious that he's lying, so you keep pushing him and pushing him

So he angrily blurts out: "Because people keep fucking asking for your number!!! GOD!!! You're so dense!"

He says as he lightly flicks your forehead before staring deeply into your eyes: conveying everything he's been feeling for you for these past weeks of "fake dating"

TOM RIDDLE

Mattheo is Tom's worse enemy, despite being brothers

Yet again, Mattheo teases and mocks Tom for being a loser with zero "rizz" or whatever that means

He's sick of Mattheo's stupid ass slang, everyday he hears "you're a beta" "ur aura is so low" "zero rizz bruh"

He's literally going to kill him

But sadly he can't do that, so he comes up with a different solution

He chooses you, a random kid he did a project with once, to pretend to be his new partner

You were hesitant but he then threw in an extra bonus, he would do all your homework for two classes of your choice

So obviously you had to take it

He had to prepare you for the worse: Mattheo

Tom forced you to visit his dorm to study how to reply to Mattheo when you finally meet him

He also made you study how to act like a couple in public

Which he knew nothing about... He was technically right about hand holding and matching clothes

But his version of hand holding was very uncomfortable, the type where you don't interlock fingers

And the clothes he picked were ugly as hell, no way you'd ever wear that stuff

So you had to help him a lot with learning how to act natural in relationships

When he feels that you're finally prepared, he lets you meet Mattheo

Mattheo is super sus at first but is too dumb to question harshly

But now, you're stuck as pretending to be Tom's girlfriend for the rest of the year

He's painfully unaffectionate in public which makes you slightly embarrassed because he makes you look like a clingy girlfriend

But in private, when he's teaching you what to say and doing your homework: he's surprisingly sweet

He gets better at being a boyfriend over time and even takes you on full dates, not just fake photoshoots to post online

But he's still insisting to keep this relationship as just beneficial, no string attached

You can't help but start to fall for him, it's literally impossible to not

He gifts you everything you've ever wanted, takes you to fancy places, making him chuckle under his breathe feels more rewarding than any A+ ever, and those small private moments where you can feel a soul behind his eyes instead of the ice cold make you love him

So you cut it off with him, lying and saying you don't need the benefits and it's too hard to keep lying

He accepts this and lets you go

You end up being really popular once you're single

And that pisses him off ENDLESSLY

He found you first! He basically made you! You're still his, he can't let someone take all his hard work

And for some reason,,, he felt hollow after you left - as if he lost something dear to him

He's not sure how you brought out these emotions, but he wants it back ASAP

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Oh my god double trope: because Mattheo started dating you because he was dared to

You're seen as a kinda bitch in Hogwarts because a group of girls said so

But in reality, you're really chill and grounded, which surprised Mattheo when he went on your first date

You made him laugh a few times (a lot, he's too cocky to admit it)

And you also were really similar to Mattheo, you liked the same games and shows

As he kept pretending to date you, he started to actually like you and your presence

But he's still not too attached because he knows he needs to break up with you in about 2 months

As the weeks pass by, you accidentally read a message for Mattheo

It was from Theo, saying "Jesus dude, you two almost seem like a real couple. You should try acting haha"

You froze but started to plot your revenge on him

You kept acting like everything was fine and normal, and then broke up with HIM

Mattheo was shocked, because not only has he completely fallen for you but he's also never been broken up with

He unsure of what to do, but all he knows is he wants you back

THEODORE NOTT

Pulling girls has almost never been a problem for Theo his entire life

He even pulled grown women while being 14 years old (he's a victim...)

But his main problem is pulling a girl that would be approved by his parents

Theo surrounds himself with heavy drinkers, partiers, and dumb jocks: meaning there's not many partners that are "marriage material"

So he asks you, the Head Girl of your house, to pretend to be his girlfriend for family events

You agreed due to the large sum of money he was paying you, it's insane how rich he is

Every time Theo had a family event, he would just call you up and BOOM his family loves you

But as you keep coming to these family events, acting as a couple becomes less and less awkward for you both

You both agreed to not kiss each other due to this just being acting, plus kissing at family events is weird

But God, Theo really wants to break that rule when you and him are alone on the balcony at night while you ramble about the struggles of being Head Girl

He never thought he'd fall for the super nerdy, responsible, and awkward Head Girl - but he did, and he fell super hard

Theo wants to straight up ask you to be his real girlfriend, but he's so scared

He's scared of making you uncomfortable for catching feelings or making you think he planned this all along

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

Enzo's best friend is Blaise, almost everyone knows that

But what everyone also knows is that Blaise has the FATTEST crush on your best friend, Pansy Parkinson

And even more well known is that Pansy liked him back

There was literally no reason for these two to not get together, they were just too scared to confess

Which is odd since they're both so head-strong and confident, you guess it's just because they're scared of rejection

So Enzo reaches out to you, asking you to help come up with a plan to set them both up on a date

You two are complete strangers, only ever talking once or twice whilst in a group

So you both create a lie: that you and Enzo are going on a first date and need them to tag along to make it a "double date"

Obviously, this works on them because they're great friends

So now you and Enzo are on an awkward fake date while your best friends basically make out next to you

The original plan was just to tell Pansy and Blaise that there was no spark between you and Enzo

But due to you both spending an entire 12 hours together with Blaise and Pansy, you guys got comfortable with each others

He makes you laugh a ton and you do the same

You both love really niche topics and shows, even sharing the same favorite sports teams

Your bond only grows stronger after Blaise and Pansy ask for another double date

But you and Enzo take it slow, having the most sexual tension for months because you both were just claiming to be "friends only"

You finally broke that after about 4 months, thank God

#slytherin x reader #slytherin headcanons #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #tom riddle #tom riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x reader #theodore nott #theodore nott x reader #lorenzo berkshire #lorenzo berkshire x reader #harry potter #harry potter x reader #slytherin boys

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steddiealltheway · 11 months

Text

Steve can see it in Max. That same loneliness and ache that he finds in himself. For him, it’s result of his parents leaving with no intent to return to him unless absolutely necessary.

He knows he was an accident. Or rather a mistake as his father used to call him when he was particularly angry. But it made sense to him. Steve's the reason his father had to marry his mother. He left him "trapped." And maybe no one says it out loud, but he can tell his mother feels the same way too.

But they must keep up appearances, right?

Which is what Max has been trying to do since Billy died, El moved away, and it's been just her and her mom. But she's been going about it through a different route - pushing people away all while pretending things are fine. But Steve sees the way she picks up the broken pieces of her mom and tries to put them back together - Steve's had to do the same thing before.

So, he starts sticking around a little longer. Offering her more rides to the arcade and around town to pick up groceries when she needs to. Sometimes he'll tell her about a new recipe he's been trying for a casserole and pick up the ingredients, pretending like the milk and butter he bought will spoil by the time he drives home from her trailer.

Of course, they both know it's a lie, but Max humors him and plays along. She'll let him cook dinner while she picks up the bottles her mom left on the floor, dumps out the overflowing ashtray, and feeds the dog. Usually, Steve will ask her what she's learning in school and linger a little longer than usual in hopes that she'll say more than the usual, "I don't know. A bunch of boring stuff."

But lingering has gotten a lot of things out of Max such as her love for Kate Bush, a story about El and how much she misses her, and short quips about Lucas before she gets a sad smile on her face. Steve doesn't really know what to say most of the time, but he hopes that just being there will help.

Unfortunately, lingering and just being there has led him to his current predicament of none other than Eddie "The Freak" Munson sitting on the hood of his car glaring at him as he walks out of Max's place. Steve jumps a little, startled by the figure on his car and becoming more hostile as he sees the expression on his face. He shoves his hands in his pockets and slows his pace. "Is there a problem?"

Eddie snorts humorlessly. "Christ. You're really going to pretend like there's nothing wrong with what's happening?"

Steve's brows furrow, entirely missing whatever point he's trying to make.

Eddie stands up and stalks toward him. "I see you, you know. Always lurking around when her mom isn't home. Coming out of her trailer late at night."

Steve laughs, finally understanding the absurd conclusion he's come to. "Jesus, man. You're delusional."

Steve doesn't expect it, but Eddie sharply shoves his chest and grits, "I don't fucking lie to me, Harrington."

Steve holds his hands up. "I'm not," he firmly states. "Nothing like that is happening here. I'm glad you're looking out for her, but it isn't like that."

"Do you expect me to believe that? Maybe this is why you're always hanging around Henderson and the other kids."

Steve crosses his arms and his jaw tenses. "I'm not a fucking pervert or a pedophile if that's what you're trying to say. I'm just looking after them."

"Why?" Eddie asks, dramatically opening his arms, "Why would King Steve adopt a group of misfits to take under his wing? See, the math isn't adding up."

Usually, Steve would just brush it off and tell the person to fuck off and mind their own business. But his parents have just left town again without leaving a note and Max had snapped when Steve tried to help her clean the place because it looked worse than usual, and he was just generally feeling like shit and angry at his parents and Max's parents for not being there. So he broke, "Because I don't want Max to end up like me! I don't want any of those kids to grow up without a role model. And god forbid if any of those other kids' parents fuck up, and they’re left with only me. I need them to know that I'm there for them! Because sometimes it feels like whenever the world goes to shit, I'm the only one who is there, and I plan to stay there, okay?!"

He finishes his rant breathing a little heavier than usual and noticing that a few of the lights in the trailers have turned on around them. He looks around and awkwardly nods to the people glaring out their windows. God, he needs to get a grip.

When he turns back to Eddie, he notices the conflicted expression, jaw dropped, eyebrows knitted together, eyes searching him as if he's still wondering if he's lying.

A door creaks open behind them and Steve curses under his breath as he hears Max say, "Eddie, leave him alone. Do you really think I would hook up with my damn babysitter? Jeez."

"Language," Steve quietly lectures as the door swings shut. He runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath. It's been a long fucking day.

A hand lands on his arm and tugs him away from Max's trailer. Steve glances up at Eddie, leading him across the way. "Where are we going?"

"My place," Eddie says.

"Why?"

"So we can talk."

God, the last thing he wants to do is talk to Eddie of all people, the guy he's been actively avoiding since Dustin started worshipping the ground - or rather tables - he walks on. But he lets himself be pulled away in the trailer and practically deposited on the couch in the living room.

He glances up and comments, "That's a lot of mugs."

"My uncle's, but that's not what I wanted to... Christ," Eddie says, pacing in front of Steve and tugging his hair in front of his face. The anxious display makes Steve feel even more tired, but he lets him pace. God, what is he even doing here?

"I'm sorry," Eddie blurts out. "I'm just..." he trails off and rushes over to grab a stool a few feet away before dragging it in front of the couch. He sits on it but his leg still holds that nervous energy as it rapidly bounces up and down. "I jumped to conclusions, and it was really shitty of me, man. I just... didn't believe what Henderson was saying about you and thought 'Oh, this makes way more sense than Steve Harrington being a good dude.' And I'm sorry to accuse you of that. And I... I didn't know about your... parents and stuff. Like I knew they were away a lot because of your parties but... I just never connected the dots. And I'm sorry. No one deserves that shit, man."

Steve doesn't know what to do this whole interaction, especially with it coming from Eddie Munson who he doesn't think he's ever talked to before this moment, but... he needs to hear it. God, he needs to hear it.

Of course, he can't let him know this, so he does what he's best at and brushes it off. "It's fine. You were just looking out for the kids. And really just ignore what I said back there, it isn't that big of a deal."

Eddie worries his bottom lip before he blurts out, "I know what it's like." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "I mean, I know what it's like to have... absent parents. But in my case, eventually, my uncle Wayne took me in, and I can only imagine if he didn't." He gives him a pointed look and lowers his voice, "Do you have someone like that?"

A big part of Steve wants to leave right now, and he knows there's nothing stopping him. But a bigger part of him needs to stay. Needs to talk about the emptiness in his house that he can never truly escape at the end of the day that he can’t talk to anyone about. Because he's not supposed to be weak. He's supposed to take care of the others. So he admits, "No, I don't have... anyone like that. Except Robin but..."

"That's different," Eddie finishes the thought for him.

Steve nods. He loves Robin, but he loves her as a platonic soulmate and not as a parent figure in his life. "You know, I once had this basketball coach in middle school - Mr. Weston. And I remember looking up to him so much. I wanted to be just like him, and I would go to his office during lunch and ask him for advice or talk about dumb shit that my father would never talk about. But he never shamed me for my questions. And sometimes he even packed an extra dessert for me." Steve smiles at the memories and runs a hand through his hair, remembering the day he got the news. "But one time, when I went to his office, he had this look on his face. And I just knew it was bad news. And really, it wasn't bad news to him because his wife was pregnant. But she wanted to move a few states away to raise the kid closer to her family. And it wasn't his fault, you know? It wasn't like he purposely chose to move away from me, but I felt like I was abandoned again."

Steve wipes a tear from his eye and puts his head in his hands. "God, I don't know why I'm even telling you this story. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Eddie says quickly. He pauses and shifts on the stool, his gaze being far away. "I remember him. He was one of the only gym teachers that defended me against all the shitty middle school bullies. He was a good person.”

Steve nods. God, he was a good person.

Eddie continues, “I'm sorry that he left. And I bet he still regrets leaving you behind."

Steve leans back against the couch and looks away, shaking his head. "I bet he forgot about me."

"You're kind of hard to forget."

Steve looks at Eddie and sees a slight blush on his cheeks as he shakes his head and waves his hands as if trying to make the comment go away. "What I mean is that there's no way he's forgotten about you. Someone who you used to have lunch with all the time to the point of giving you free food... Nah, man. He remembers you. I think you may have been as important to him as he was to you."

The thought breaks away at a wall Steve had built up long ago. "Thanks," he practically whispers.

Eddie just smiles at him, small dimples appearing on his cheeks.

"You didn't deserve it either, you know," Steve says. "The absent parent stuff. Even with Wayne, they should've been here too."

Eddie's smile falters a bit as he swallows and looks at the ground. "Thanks," he mumbles. He looks up at Steve and comments, "Getting sappy with Steve Harrington. Who knew."

"Yeah, getting sappy with Eddie Munson," Steve echoes back at him.

Eddie laughs, "I'm surprised you even know my name."

"You're kind of hard to forget," Steve says easily.

That same blush comes back to Eddie who shifts in his chair a bit as if he needs to process the information with his whole body.

They sit in the moment for a bit before Eddie gets a somewhat serious look on his face and offers, "You know, I'm definitely not a parent figure or anything, but I'm always here and around to talk about that whole thing if you need to."

Steve's heart beats a little faster at the sheer genuineness. "Same here," he can't help but offer in return. He glances down at his watch and sighs, "It's getting late, so I better..."

"Right," Eddie says, standing up and leading him to the door. "Do you need water for the road or anything?"

Steve smiles and pats him on the back without thinking too hard about it. "I'm good, man. But thank you. For everything really."

"Sorry for being an asshole," Eddie apologizes again.

"Usually that's my line," Steve accidentally voices before cringing a bit, wondering further why Eddie's been so kind to him.

But as he opens the door, Eddie comments, "I don't know. It seems like Dustin was right about the whole reformed jock thing. Maybe your crown really has fallen - which is a good thing by the way."

Steve slightly smiles at him before he turns to leave. But he can't help but say, "I wonder what the neighbors will think about me leaving your trailer so late."

Eddie groans then laughs. "Sorry to ruin your image."

"I wouldn't mind," Steve replies, honestly unsure what he means by that. "Goodnight, Eddie."

"Goodnight, Steve," Eddie says, that same blush on his cheeks, only this time Steve isn't sure if it's something he said or a result of the cold night air.

In bed that night, Steve feels a slight weight lifted from him and can't help but feel like he’s a little less alone.

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie ficlet #leave it to Eddie to tell Steve the things he needs to hear #sometimes it just shakes me to the core when I realize how alike they are #like yes. they absolutely have their differences #but at the core they have similar experiences that they need to process #and really I think they need each other #because they’re both so willing to die for others and see the worth in everyone but themselves #but put them together and that worth goes back and forth #I just see them learning a lot from each other #and it’s a really beautiful thing #ANYWAYS #hi guys. thanks for sticking through that massive tag rant thing 💛

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mj0702 · 4 months

Text

The other Bronze – Pt. 18 🔞

I just want to put it out there that this chapter contains adult stuff - Minors do not read it!!!

“So violent” G teased as she bit down lightly

“Fuck” a low moan escaped your lips

“Soon” your girlfriend chuckled against your neck

After the elevator doors opened again you stepped outside into the corridor and whistled lowly

“Damn.... even the corridor looks so SO fancy” you looked impressed before you get pushed forward by your girlfriend

“You really want to stand out here and gawk at the corridor while we could do something more satisfying?” Georgia mumbled against the back of your neck using her complete body to push you towards your room

“Oh my... Miss Stanway... what has gotten into you?” you giggled letting her maneuver you down the hallway

“Nothing for a while” your girlfriend murmured which made you grin

“Are we a little desperate?” you chuckled as you checked the room numbers you got pushed past

“I haven't had anytime with my girlfriend in nearly two month” Georgia growled as you finally found your room and you quickly opened the door

“Fuck me...” you breathed out overwhelmed when you entered the room “Wow”

“Damn Sarina” Georgia said behind you shocked “This room is bigger as my flat in Munich”

“It's beautiful” you said in awe as you slowly walked further into the room looking around with wide eyes

“We so going to use of this bed” your girlfriend smirked obviously only one thing in mind

“Get your head out of the gutter...” you said playfully as you went on discovering the room going through a door standing in the bathroom “... okay... we're so going to use that tub”

You looked at the bathtub which was standing right under a big window facing Covent Garden but still private enough so you easily could take a bath without being seen. You stood at the window looking down at the business in which people hushed in and out of the place when you felt a pair of hands on your waist and you immediately leaned backwards into Georgias embrace.

“A bath actually sound wonderful” your girlfriend mumbled against your hair pulling you against her even tighter “You want one?”

“Yeah... please...” you murmured your eyes closing enjoying the closeness the two of you were sharing

“Okay... I'll set it up and get you...” Georgia mumbled against your hair pushing you a little away signaling you to go into the bedroom

You flopped down onto the big King size bed grabbing the remote from the side table and switched on the TV. Of course the first face that greeted you on screen was Alex Scott herself talking about the upcoming games – mainly the Manchester Derby in a few Days. You thought about asking Lucy if you could stay for the game since you had enough people to look out for you. Tooney would always have an eye on you – question was who had an eye on Toons. You chuckled to yourself thinking how Mary literally locked the two of you into different lockers the last time she had to look after you. To your defense it wasn't your fault – nor Tooneys – that there was jello powder in the guests locker room and that all their stuff got all jello-ed when sprinkled them kitbags with water. Leah, Beth and the rest of the Arsenals weren't happy that day. You'll never forget Vivs disgusted face when she pulled one of her socks out of her bag and it was all slimed up. You'd also never forget how Katie McCabe tried to come for you and just slipped and slided around the locker-room since the floor was slimy as well. You learned a lot of Irish curse words that day. The game had to be delayed due to an “accident” with the Arsenal kits and United had to pay a fine since Tooney was involved in your little stunt. Leah was so annoyed with you that she actually signed cutting her throat in your direction before the game started. You on the other hand just laughed loudly and flipped her off. Leila who was there to just say hi to you and to see how you were doing had a field day with all the clips you showed her of Katie McCard and got you the biggest slushy you've ever seen as a treat. She knew that it was part of your healing process and that you indeed were doing better – what didn't stop her from keeping an eye on you. It was pure luck she answered the phone that day. She didn't look who was calling otherwise she wouldn't have answered since it was an unknown number. But thankfully she did answer and the second she heard you crying into the phone that you didn't mean to and you're scared she already had her car keys in her hand on her way out of the door. Leila didn't even cared that she wasn't wearing shoes. She just knew whoever called needed help and that it was up to her to provide that help. Leila kept you on the phone until she was sprinting through the little park seeing you hunched over on a bench. Up to this point she didn't knew who was on the other side of the line but the second she saw your form she knew exactly who you were – the best kept secret in Womens Football. You were Lucy Bronzes baby sister. Leila came to a skirting halt right in front of you her phone on the ground by this point and she knew she had no choice than to make you throw up. So she did what possibly no one would've done – she hauled you up and bend you over standing behind you prying your mouth open and pushing two of her long fingers down your throat until she saw how your body try to reject her digits and if this wasn't enough she sneaked her arm around your torso holding you tightly putting pressure on your stomach so you really started to throw up.

The moment Leila was sure you were somewhat done with emptying your stomach content into the bushes she pulled you upright turning you around to face her. The sight that greeted her broke her heart. You looked so lost, scared and just – Leila would say broken. You realized there and then that it wasn't Hempo who you called and you scrambled away from the strange woman. Leila left you some space talking to you in her at this time broken english assuring you that everything will be okay. Somehow you knew deep inside you that you could trust her and you started to let her come nearer until she was right in front of you again and that second you just broke down crying in her arms. She held you before carefully maneuvering you towards her car asking you if she should call Lucy which set you into a full blown panic attack. Leila immediately retreated into offering to drive you home – which wasn't much better than calling Lucy. So she asked who you wanted to call in the first place and you choked out a “Hempo” and that's what Leila did without any further question. Saying that Hempo freaked out was an understatement. She made Leila driving you straight to hospital while she already texted Mary.

Hospital was the worst part. They immediately shoved a tube down your throat to pump and flush your stomach to make sure to get everything out – you were pretty sure your stomach came out that day too. Keira always said you eat like a bottomless pit and you were fully convinced that's because you didn't have a stomach anymore and it was the hospitals fault. They kept you for supervision but at least you could convince them not calling your emergency contact – which was Lucy of course. Mary promised them she would call someone who would be able to look after you without getting your sister involved. In all honesty all of them were scared that Lucy would find out and she'll wouldn't even need a plane to come back to England to rip them all a new one – she would just use her anger and run above the water like Jesus Bronze. So Mary decided pretty quickly to inform the next best person – Leah Williamson herself. To say Leah nearly crawled through the phone was the understatement of the century. The blonde called her teammate Beth Mead immediately after she hung up with Mary and they basically both jumped into Leahs car and made it to Manchester in just a little more than three hours. After you heard that you just knew that Leah broke basically every existing traffic law – the speeding tickets she received weeks later just proved your point. To be honest you couldn't have asked for a better support than Leah and Meado. Leah decided the second she laid eyes on you in the hospital bed that she would take you home with her – even if she had to fight your parents for it. You looked so pale and small that she had to muster up every strength she had left in her body to not break down crying next to you. That lasted until your eyes fluttered open the next morning and you noticed who sat beside your bed. Leah held your hand in hers loosely but the second she felt you moving just the tiniest bit her eyes snapped up to meet yours.

“I'm sorry” you whispered your throat sore from the events the day before

“Why pumpkin? Why did you do it?” Leah whispered back not wanting to wake up Meado who slept on the small couch in your room

“I... I don't know...” you rasped out

“You're coming home with Beth and me...” the blonde said and you knew you wouldn't have a choice

“Okay” you said defeated

“You don't put up a fight?” Leah asked surprised

“I don't want it to happen again... I want help Leah... I NEED help” you whispered and Leah saw the tears forming in your eyes

“We'll get you all the help you need pumpkin” the blonde promised removing the tears which now ran down your cheeks with her thumb “... we're all gonna help you – I promise pumpkin... whoever you want or need... we're all there”

“Thank you” you choked out

“It's gonna be okay pumpkin... I promise” this time Leah couldn't hold back her own tears before wedging herself next to you into the bed pulling you into her side just holding you tightly while you cry silently into her shoulder

“Hey...” Georgias soft voice pulled you back into the present

“Yeah?” you looked at her a little bit dazed

“Where did you go?” your girlfriend plopped down next to you gently poking your head “I called you four times”

“Back to Manchester...” you mumbled a little bit ashamed

“Manchester?” Georgia asked surprised “You miss home?”

“God no... there's nothing that holds me there... home is where my family is... where you are” you smiled carefully “... back to the time where I...”

“Where you thought it would be a good idea to play pill roulette in the middle of a park?” your girlfriend asked

“Yeah... wasn't a good idea” you said ashamed

“It wasn't... but it's in the past and you can't change it” Georgia said keeping her voice soft “... you just need to promise to never do it again”

“I promise... Leah would probably bring me back from the dead to choke me to death anyway... not worth it..” you tried to crack a joke

“She has to beat me to it then...” G smiled softly “... even if I didn't think you and me would work the way we do... I don't want a world without you.. never ever again”

“You should write that down and reuse it when you propose to me” you chuckled

“Even if I write it down... I'll probably lose it and then I'm fucked...” Georgia smirked pushing her nose into your neck “... I'll just wing that proposal”

“Please don't... I remember the speech you winged the night before Leahs 100 Cap... it was horrible” you laughed

“Excuse you.... I totally rocked that speech” your girlfriend exclaimed shocked

“You started with “100 Caps is not really a big achievement considering your age and how long you already play for the Lionesses”.... not even I would be so stupid to say that” you rolled your eyes laughing

“It was sarcasm” Georgia started to poke your sides knowing you were tickle-ish

“Make a sign next time....” you started to laugh harder

“Stop... G please... stop... I can't” you choked out between laughter

“Say that my speech was amazing” your girlfriend laughed next to you not stopping to tickle you

“It was horrible...” you laughed

“Amazing... you just don't know the definition of amazing” Georgia now moved to straddle you

“I know the definition of amazing perfectly well... look it up... next to amazing is my picture” you smirk

“You wish...” your girlfriend smirked right back “... but if I remember right you called ME amazing not even 24 hours ago”

“Not you....” you grinned “... the things you do to me....”

“There's more where that came from” Georgia husked leaning forward to press a passionate kiss to your lips

It surprised your every time how your girlfriend could switch from thoughtful to goofy to passionate. This time was no difference – it was like she knew what you needed before you knew yourself. It took her mere seconds to change you from being stuck in your own head into a moaning squirming mess. The way she kept you in place, her hands pinning yours into the mattress her weight on upper legs showing you in the most soft way who was in charge just made you feel safe and so SO turned on. You moaned lowly into the kiss making Georgia smirk against your lips.

“Looks like you enjoying yourself” your girlfriend teased after she ended the kiss but made no move her lips millimeters away from yours

“Teeny tiny bit” you panted back

“Just teeny tiny?” Georgia husked against your lips

“Maybe tiny” you gave in

“I think it's more than just tiny...” the blonde grinned her voice teasing

“... I know you Baby – I know how you moan and groan... how you whimper and beg... how you whine and squirm... and how you look and FEEL when you come...” Georgia said her voice now deeper and her eyes nearly black

“Then please...” you begged oh so quietly

“I made us a bath... would be a shame to let it go to waste don't you think?” your girlfriend asked but you know she didn't really asked – it was an information

Just as you thought she got up and off the bed seconds later letting you behind flustered and panting as she walked through the room towards the bathroom.

You watched as your girlfriend got rid of her clothes on the way ready to step into the bathtub. You shamelessly stared at her back how her muscles moved when she reached behind her back to unclasped her bra and threw the garment to the side. You were by far not the religious type but dear jesus this woman had you on your knees praying the “Father our”

You got up not so smooth as Georgia did – nearly falling off the bed as you followed her path now standing into the door that separated the bath- and bedroom

She graciously stepped into the bathtub and sank down in the warm water. You saw in the dim light from the next room how Georgia immediately relaxed and closed her eyes for a minute just soaking the calm and peacefulness in. She opened her eyes again looking at you a slight smirk tugging on the edge if her mouth

“You coming baby?” G asked her voice raspy

“Nuh huh” you nodded looking like an idiot rooted in place just staring at her dumbfounded

“Water is amazing…” your girlfriend held your stare and again her voice deeper as usual

She knew exactly what she was doing to you. That deep husky voice got you ever time. You started to undress yourself by pulling the shirt over your head leaving you in your jeans and a bra. You were by all means not shy about your body – growing up with Lucy definitely help shaping your body and even now you worked out every day so your body wasn’t far off from the players around you. But there was one thing you still were incredible insecure about. The scars on your knees. The permanent reminders that you never going to be a professional athlete. Georgia noticed your hesitation as you fumbled a little bit with the button of your jeans

“Don’t over think… it’s just me” she whispered lowly knowing exactly why you hesitated

“I hate them” you mumbled back feeling extremely vulnerable breaking the eye contact

“It’s just me” your girlfriend repeated “if you’re feeling uncomfortable we just stop”

With one deep breath you pushed your jeans down leaving you in your boxer short and your bra. You couldn’t muster up the strength to find your girlfriends eyes again as you made quick work of getting rid if the last two pieces remaining

“So beautiful” Georgia breathed out watching your naked silhouette getting surrounded by the light from the other room

“Come here baby” she instructed you knowing you needed the guidance

You tenderly took a careful step towards the tub nervousness radiating from your body

“You’re doing so good.. come on in baby… join me… just a bath” Georgia spoke lowly and held out a hand for you

You grabbed her hand and stepped into the bath sinking down into the water positioning yourself between her legs with your back laying against her front as her hands immediately snuck around your middle. Her head immediately rested on your shoulder again as you felt yourself relaxing in her embrace.

“You are so beautiful… can’t believe that I’m the only one who gets to see this beauty ” Georgia whispered as she started to kiss your neck “Still can’t believe you’re mine”

“Only yours” you whimpered as she bit down on your neck lightly and if you’d be even half coherent you’d be embarrassed by yourself how quickly she reduced you to a whimpering mess

“Only mine” your girlfriend confirmed switching between bites and kisses up and down your neck

“I should make sure everyone knows….” She mumbled against your skin before biting down a little harder but not hard enough to leave a mark “… but then again we have to face reality in two days again and I’m not keen on getting murdered by your sister when I just got you”

“Don’t bring her up right now…” you grumbled “… not a good moment”

“Sorry” G breathed against your neck before turning your face with her hand to capture your lips in a soft kiss.

The kiss didn’t stay soft for long as you turned your body slightly in her embrace. You were on your side on top of her now as the kiss heated up and your girlfriend slipped her tongue into your mouth. A needy whiny moan escaped your throat as she dominated the kiss – and your whole body.

“You need something baby?” she smirked after she broke the kiss leaving you breathless

Your brain was mush at this point and if someone asked you what your name was while holding a gun to your head you’d definitely die.

You whined needy you now fully on top of Georgia your hands pressing against her hips to help you holding your upper body afloat

“Baby… words… we clarified before that you need to ask for the things you need and want” your girlfriend husked against your lips

“Baby…. Please” you begged feeling your core clench at Georgia soft display of dominance.

You knew she can be a force to be reckon with – she’s shown it more than once on the field. But with you Georgia was always soft. Careful even. She always made sure you are comfortable with what she’s doing. Always checked in if you are okay. You still get your fair share of experimenting around but your girlfriend always put your comfort first.

“Please what baby… use your words” she teased smirk on her lips as her hands wander down to your ass

“Please” you whined again your head falling forward on her collarbone as you hip rocked forward

Your girlfriend just chuckled as she bend her knee and she planted her foot against the bottom of the tub. G grabbed your waist and gently lifted you over her thigh.

The moment your middle made contact with her thigh you moaned deeply your head still on Gs collarbone. You couldn’t contain the movement of your hip as you pressed down on the firm muscle of your girlfriend

“That’s it Baby… keep going” your girlfriend encouraged you slightly guiding your hip with her hands

“Feels good baby” you moan against her

“Keep going love… make yourself come on my thigh” Georgia mumbled flexing the muscles in her leg

Your hip snapped forward again at the sudden hardness and a loud moan left your throat

“So beautiful… you look so fucking beautiful fucking yourself on my thigh babe… you’re close already aren’t you?” your girlfriend growled in your ear her hands never leaving your waist but she stopped guiding you and retreated in just giving you the comfort of her touch

You nodded against her shoulder not capable of answering vocally as your rhythm falters slightly

“You know what to do” Georgia smirked knowing she’s pushing it right now

“Please” you begged your body trembling as you felt that familiar pull in your stomach

“No baby… properly” your girlfriend growled now stopping your rocking hips

You whined pathetically your breathing labored as you desperately try to move your lower half again chasing that first orgasm of many for the night but your girlfriend held on tightly forcing you still.

“G please” you begged again

“No baby… come on… we established since the beginning how this is working” Georgia said her voice a dominant undertone

You whined again feeling overwhelmed with the need to find relief

“You know what to do if you want to come, my love ” your girlfriend smirked waiting for you to finally break your resistance

“Please… please baby… please may I come” you moaned out and immediately your girlfriend pulled your lower half forward and down on her thigh

“There we go… good girl” Georgia praised you smirking “Come babe” she instructed you

Your body shook as you moaned loudly when you felt the orgasm wash over you before you sacked forward panting hard against your girlfriends neck who immediately embraced you in a loving reassuring hug.

“Come on baby... let's get out of here” your girlfriend said softly after a few minutes “Water gets cold”

“Mhm” you nodded against Georgias neck your eyes closed breathing in her scent

Georgia tried to pry you off her but no use – so she did what every good girlfriend would do. She just stood up with you in her arms. You thanked every available God that your girlfriend was a pro athlete that was able to do such things because you were still in no state of standing up yourself. Georgia grabbed a big towel throwing it over you before carrying you into the bedroom laying you down on the big bed but you still didn't let go

“Baby I need to let go for a second, I need to clean the bathroom” your girlfriend said softly but you just shook your head

“Need you G” you murmured “Missed you so much”

“What do you need baby...” Georgia had a feeling what you needed but like always she wanted – and needed – you to verbalize it

“Need all of you...” you mumbled pressing your nose deeper into the skin of her neck “... I need you to fuck me so I can't walk until we see each other again”

You heard how your girlfriends breath hitches and you know she weights pro and cons so you did what you were sure would let Georgia decide in your favor. You started to nuzzle against her neck and softly kissed her under her ear. Just like you thought it worked and the next moment you felt you back hit the mattress with your girlfriend hovering over you

“You think you can take whatever I give you?” Georgia growled lowly staring down on you with dark eyes

“Did before, didn't I?” you challenged her

“Don't get bratty, Baby.... you know you'll regret it later” your girlfriend warned you before leaning down pushing your head to the side with her nose getting more access to your neck

“First I'm gonna make you come on my tongue...” Georgia started kissing down your neck “... then on my fingers” she bit down on your collarbone getting a moan out of you “... and THEN if you were good and listened to what I said... then on my strap” she licked over your nipple and you arched your back with your breath already becoming labored again.

Just the thought of what your girlfriend wanted to do to you had you dripping in seconds

“Babe.. please” you husked out while your hand threaded through long blond hair trying to get Georgia to go a little rougher on you

“Patience” your girlfriend mumbled against your breast before she bit down softly

“Fuck me” you moaned a little louder and your hips automatically rock against her lower half

“What's your safe word?” Georgia let go of your hard nipple with a small plopp

“You never pushed me that far” you said lowly

“Tell me Baby...” the blonde pushed a little “... we won't do anything if you don't tell me your safe word”

“Red if I need you to stop, yellow if I need you to slow down... Penalty if I can't take the physical contact” you listed off knowing Georgia needed to know not only because she wanted to test you but also so she was settled herself.

She couldn't bare the thought of hurting you in any way. Georgia herself invented the extra safe word after an incident where you got so overwhelmed with just everything (it was at your first shared experience and G apparently did her job more than right) that you freaked out and tried to run. If it wasn't for Georgias quick reaction you probably would've run and would have never come back. That's something she also learned pretty quickly – if you didn't want to be found nobody could find you.

“Good girl” the blonde purred starting to kiss the small valley between your breasts and downwards

Georgia sucked a hickey just above your belly button where no one could see it – even tho she would like to mark you as hers so much more obvious but her fear of Lucy ripping her throat was too big for your girlfriend to actually go through with it.

The blonde shuffled a little more downwards so she was laying in between your legs pressing soft kisses and bites to your thighs. Your hand found her hair again and you tried to get her where you wanted her the most by tugging a little bit on the blonde makeshift pony tail. But with the tease your girlfriend was at times the only thing you got out of her was a warning growl

“Stop it or I'll stop...” Georgia looked up from in between your legs and you moaned at the sheer sight of it “... my night – my rules – my pace... you asked for ME to fuck you so I will do as I please”

“Stop teasing then...” you whined

“Baby... you know I'm not fond of being told what to do... If I want to take my time and want to enjoy myself going as slow as I want... then I'll do that and you'll be patient otherwise I will edge you the whole night and some without letting you come at all... are we clear?” the blonde raised an eyebrow at you in question

“Crystal... just.. please Baby... PLEASE” you threw your head back into the pillows whining desperately

“You begging already?” Georgia smirked and just when you wanted to throw back a sarcastic jab she lowered her head not wasting any time pushing her tongue deep inside your pussy

“FUCK” you moaned deeply your hips rocking against your girlfriends face trying to get more pleasure

Even knowing that it wasn't the best idea to coax Georgia to give you more than she was willing to give you at this point you couldn't help yourself and to your surprise your girlfriend let you get away with it just going so far to sneak her hands under your legs to lay them on top of your hips holding you still while she worked her tongue deeper and faster into you. The noises you made were at this point straight up pornographic but you didn't care since you were far FAR away from your sister and any peering ears. You felt that familiar pull in the lower half of your stomach and honestly you were a little embarrassed at how fast Georgia got you to this point.

“Baby... I... I.. “ you panted (or was it a moan) out knowing she would understand and she sure did

Mere seconds before you came she pulled back with a shit eating grin her mouth and chin covered with your arousal.

“NO.... please no... don't do this... Please!” you whimpered frustrated

“You really think I would let you come after you tried to take matters into you own hand and try to make me go faster?” the blonde smirked “You should know better Baby”

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry... SO sorry... I just couldn't...” you started to ramble desperately

“That's why I'm helping you now Baby...” Georgia cooed but you know it was just show and that she didn't care how much she was teasing you “... you not gonna do it again will you now?”

“No I promise...” you whimpered

“I know Baby... you're gonna be my good girl will you?” your girlfriend smirked

“Yes... yes so good....” you nodded your head quickly

“Good... try that stunt again and I'll stop for good” the blonde warned before diving right in between your legs again pulling a loud moan from your lips

She knew what she was doing to you curling her tongue just the right way licking your walls and it took you so much restraint NOT to buck your hips again but with the little distraction of you biting your arm you managed barely to do so. Georgia noticed how you fought your own body and decided to step it up a notch, bringing her hand around your waist once more and putting light pressure on your clit with her thumb. Of course you couldn't hold back when she did that and your hips bucked against her face what resulted in Georgia pulling back from your center again

“Oh Baby...” the blonde said her voice dripping with disappointment “... I know you can do better than this... you really want a repeat from last time you couldn't listen to me?”

Tears of frustration were building in your eyes and you shook your head no remembering just how much Georgia can tease and in the end deny you your release. The last time she decided to test your limits she kept you on edge for two days (and nights) straight and you were ready to die. Not only did she keep you on the brim of your orgasm she also teased you endlessly through out the days and whenever Lucy was near you had to act like you weren't about to break down in a crying overly horny dripping mess.

For everyone else Georgia Stanway was this sweet goof always laughing always joking but when you looked closely enough at her playing you knew that she can be a completely different person. She told you right from the start that she likes to have control in the bedroom and over her partner to a certain point which you happily agreed with since you were not really experienced in any aspects of a relationship. Did you manage to get some pleasure on your own? Yes but you still had no idea what to do to other people. Georgia was sweet and loving and patient with you from the very first kiss. Showed you what she liked and what she didn't like. She coaxed you out of your initial hesitation and fear of doing something wrong by just being patient. She always checks in with you when she wants to try something and even through the process she still keeps a close eye on you so she wouldn't push you too far out of you comfort zone.

“You know what we'll do now, don't you baby?” Georgia said like it was the most obvious thing in the world and you nodded a small whine escaping your lips

“Three times... you think you can do that for me Baby?” your girlfriend took a little pity on your desperate state pressing a soft kiss to your hip bone before resting her chin on that same spot

Again you nodded your head furiously trying to prove just how well you can listen. But you knew it wouldn't be easy to tell Georgia three times the point when you were about to come knowing she'll stop whatever she was doing right this moment. Edging you over and over again was Georgias most favorite thing to do at this point. Seeing how desperate you were for her – and just for her. Seeing all these emotions that were just for her to see. Making all these little sounds for only her to hear. She also knew that if it would get too much you would tell her – both of you had a really long chat about the importance of limits and accepting those. The last time she would have edged you even more but end of the second night when she pulled her fingers out of you for the umpteenth time you choked out a “yellow” and immediately her whole demeanor switched from dominating to caring. She let you calm down telling you over and over how good you were and that she promise to make you come as soon as you were ready. And oh boy did she keep her word. You were pretty sure you passed out at one point but hearing your girlfriend whisper all those praises into your ear made up for that.

“Just three?” you asked carefully biting your lower lip

“Just three... if you're being good” your girlfriend confirmed this time using her finger to tease your entrance lightly

A shiver ran through your body and you fisted the sheet tightly in your hand like an anchor so you wouldn't end up with more punishment

“So wet... you really enjoying yourself Baby don't you?” the blonde between your legs teased collecting your arousal with her finger before sucking it off said digit moaning lowly

“Please G... please” you whimpered but still held as still as possible

“Don't forget to tell me Baby... every time you come without my permission I'll add another one” Georgia said her voice a little warning undertone before she carefully pushed one finger into your dripping opening

“Fuck” your girlfriend swore under her breath before looking up at you from her position “... you're still so tight Baby... even after all the times I fucked you with the strap you're still so so tight...”

“M'sorry” you whimpered losing the common sense battle against the ecstasy that was shooting through your body

“No Baby... that's so fucking hot” Georgia mumbled shuffling her body over yours so she had firstly a better angle of her hand and secondly could watch your face “It just means I have to gently fuck you open so you can take my dick”

You moaned loudly when you heard the blondes dirty words turning you on even more

“You like that hm?” she asked her voice deep next to your ear while she oh so gently started to work her finger in and out of you “You like it when I make you take my dick... starting slow and gently just to work you up until you're so open that I can basically jackhammer into your sweet pussy without any resistance”

“Baby I... I... about...” you moaned out loudly the thought (and promise) what your girlfriend had planned for you

The second you told her you were about to come any second now she pulled her finger out of you drawing a small whine from your throat

“You did so good Baby... so good for telling me” the blonde said soothingly pressing soft kissed under your ear “... just two more times”

She waited until your breathing returned to normal helping you calm down with soft soothing words and kisses

“Okay?” Georgia asked again feeling how you started to get restless again

“Yeah okay...” you confirmed

“Color?” the blonde checked again knowing how much this can take out of you

“Green... oh so fucking green” you huffed out a small smile tugging on your lips

“Good.... just wanted to make sure” Georgia smiled back starting to rub light circles over your clit

“I lo... fuck” you started to answer before you choked on your own spit

“You what?” your girlfriend smirked putting a little more pressure on the small bud

“Love you...” you panted out quickly before you moaned again

“Aw Baby... I love you too” the blonde smiled pressing a soft kiss to your lips letting her finger slide downwards entering you once again

“There we go... taking my finger so well already... god I love how you feel around my finger Baby” Georgia moaned quietly and nudged your jaw so you would move your head granting her access to your neck and throat

She started to kiss and lightly bite – again no visible marks because of fear of Lucy – while she worked her finger in and out of your tight channel a little more rougher than before

“Think you can take a second one Baby?” Georgia mumbled against your neck feeling how you opened up a little more your pussy excepting her finger more easily

“Yes... yes I can... please” your body was trembling already again but you wanted to how you could hold on and hopefully make Georgia proud

It was a stupid thing to think and you knew it because she always was proud of you but you just needed this little approval and praise whenever you gave over your body to her. The blonde discovered pretty quickly that you had a praise kink always seeking the approval you somehow never received from anyone especially your parents – but this was a whole other topic

“Relax for me Baby... I know you can be so good for me” the blonde murmured against your neck scraping her teeth along the side “I know you're my good girl and I'm so proud of you for listening so well...”

You moved your head towards Georgias pressing your cheek against hers in a matter of comfort feeling how her middle finger teased your entrance as she tried to accept her second digit

“Relax Baby” the blonde said again her voice soft knowing that even you both had sex a few times now it was all still new to you “Just relax for me and let me do the rest okay”

You bit your lip hard trying to follow the small command Georgia had given you but with you being on edge already it wasn't as easy as normally

“G... I can't....” you choked out trembles shooting right from your core through your body

“Still green Baby?” your girlfriend asked lifting her head away from your neck looking at your face intensely searching for any sign of discomfort

“Yes... yes... green... I just... can't...” you panted and Georgia understood what you tried to tell her

“Spread your legs” Georgia ordered you her voice a little more stern leaving your body to sit back on her heels between your legs

“Like that.... good girl” the blonde praised you after you let your legs fall open “...I know you're trying Baby and I know it's not easy... but I know you can relax for me”

You took a deep breath closing your eyes feeling your muscles relax under the watchful eyes of your girlfriend

“There see... not so hard” Georgia said feeling how your walls loosen around her index finger “Now we can keep going.... breath Baby”

You kept your breath deep and even feeling the stretch and the slight burn when your girlfriend slowly pushed her second finger inside you

“Fuck Baby... you look so beautiful” the blonde growled letting you adjust for a hot minute before she started to gently fuck her fingers in and out of you

“Won't last long” you panted and moaned squirming slightly

“You don't need to last my Beauty” Georgia said her eyes transfixed on her fingers disappearing inside your pussy

She kept her rhythm gentle but after a few minutes her strokes began to go deeper which didn't go unnoticed by you or your girlfriend considering how loud you moaned after a particular deep thrust from her

“You're doing so well Baby... I'm so proud of you” the blonde said softly leaning forward to kiss your breast biting your nipple lightly

“Fuck Babe... I... I can't... G...” you moaned whimpering trying to push her away a little and immediately you felt empty again your girlfriend pulling her fingers out

Your walls contracting around nothing pulling a loud whine from your throat the tears that pooled in your eyes again threatening to spill down your cheeks

“So good Baby... you're doing so good for me...” you faintly heard the voice of your girlfriend as your body trembled and you worried it was just this split second to late

“It's okay my Love – you're doing such a good job telling me every time... I'm so proud of you” Georgia stroked her flat hands up and down your body trying to help you to calm down

After a few minutes – but definitely not as fast as before – your breathing started to get more regular again and you whined lowly letting the blonde know you needed more contact than just her hands on your body. Thankfully she understood your silent request and laid down next to you pulling you into her arms

“You did so good Baby.... just once more okay?” she mumbled against your hair while you pressed your face against her neck

“I can't...” you tried weakly but you knew that Georgia would edge you once more as long as you wouldn't use one of your safe words

“Color?” the blonde mumbled a little concern in her voice

“Green” you whispered

“I'll ask again Baby and I want you to be honest” Georgia said her voice soft her eyes finding yours after she pushed your head up using her finger under your chin “Color?”

“Green” you said again your eyes never leaving hers

“Okay...” the blonde smiled softly as she continued to hold you tightly against her body

With her other hand she stroke lightly over your ribs down your body over your hips until she reached your knee pulling it up and over her waist

“Just once more Baby.... you're doing so good” she murmured against your forehead holing your leg in place until she was sure you wouldn't move it “One more time Baby and then you can come”

Your head made it back into the crook of her neck whining slightly knowing already that this time it would be extremly hard to hold back since Georgia let herself go a little more on these occasions. She was always more determent and a little rougher knowing it would make it so much harder on you and so much more beautiful for her. Just like she knew you you knew her just as much – the second her hand sneaked between your bodies and she adjusted her hold on you you knew you were in for it. As you expected she quickly collected some of your juice before pressing both of her long slim fingers into you without any warning. You jerked once still getting a little bit surprised by her action but the soothing kiss pressed to the crown of your hair made you still your movements

“There we go... taking me like you were made just for me” Georgia said feeling how tight your pussy was around her two fingers

She started to fuck you with deep strong thrusts that had your head spinning and your walls tighten even more

“You feel so good around my fingers Baby...” your girlfriend moaned against your head while you couldn't muster up the strength to reply verbally so you just whined again biting into her collarbone “... next I'm gonna make you come on my dick you know.... I packed your favorite” Georgia growled speeding up her thrusts even more feeling how you started to tremble in her arms again

“Baby....” you whined but your girlfriend saw right through you

“Nu-uh” the blonde shook her head slightly “... you're not there yet... I can feel that you're not there....” she said before starting to really fuck her fingers into you hitting that one magical spot over and over again

The first time she hit it it made you scream out in pleasure with Georgia smirking proudly into your hair. Now – with her repeat probing it – it send you nearly flying... nearly

“Gonna come... Babe... gonna...” you squeaked at this point feeling your walls tighten not wanting to let Georgias finger go ever again

But yet again your girlfriend managed to pull out of you just in time and this time you couldn't hold back the loud desperate frustrated whine as tears starting to roll down your cheeks

“Just a second Baby... I'm gonna make you feel so good in just a second okay” the blonde growled letting go of you quickly getting of the bed

You couldn't stop the way you whimpered when she suddenly let go of you but the next thing you noticed was how Georgia maneuvered you onto your back and nudged your legs apart with her knees

“Color?” your girlfriend asked sounding a little desperate herself now

“Green” you choked out “Just G... PLEASE”

“On it Baby girl...” the blonde huffed out and you felt the cold silicon from the head of the strap-on being teased at entrance as Georgia made sure to use your own arousal to lube the fake dick up so it wouldn't hurt you which caused you to whine desperately “... I know Baby... but I need you to take a deep breath”

You did as Georgia told you and took one then a second deep breath as you felt the head getting slowly pushed through your folds and into your tight sensitive pussy

“Fuuuuuck” you moaned out deeply and you heard your girlfriend moan on top of you too

“So fucking tight” Georgia grunted holding still after she pushed just the head into you

After a minute which you needed to adjust to the new intrusion before you gave your girlfriend a small nod. Georgia leaned forward down on her elbows which were on either side of your head as she pressed a loving kiss on your lips which quickly got heated while she pushed the strap oh so slowly into you. When she was about half way she pulled back out and slowly back in but this time a little deeper. Like that she managed to fuck the whole strap into you with a slow gentle rhythm until she bottomed out growling deeply feeling her hips connect with yours

“So perfect Baby... you're so perfect for me and my dick... you were made to get fucked by me” the blonde growled against your neck and had to hold herself back not biting down hard

“You feel sooooo goood” you moaned rocking your hips a little bit

“Yeah? You like that Baby? You like it when I ruin you for everyone else?” Georgia grunted but you could feel her smirk against your neck

“Yes...” you moaned

“Tell me how much you like it Baby....” your girlfriend teased you starting to pull out of you again before sliding back in without problems due to your juices not only covering the fake dick but also your thighs and you were pretty sure the bedsheet too

“Your dick feels so good Baby... you stretch me out so much but it feels sooooo gooooood” you moaned into her ear knowing exactly what she wanted to hear

“Fuck... you know what it does to me when you talk like this” Georgia growled

“Then do it Babe...” you groaned in response locking your ankles behind her ass pulling her in deeper “Make me yours”

“Gonna make sure you remember who you belong to for the next 8 weeks.... until we see each other again when Bayern plays Barcelona in the Champions League” Georgia growled so deep you could have sworn she felt the urge to hold you down at your throat with her teeth before she started to really fuck into you

Her thrusts hard and fast hitting the best spots inside you while you desperately trying to get to hold on to something scratching her back open in process before you could feel that all to familiar pull in your stomach again

“Baby... I... I'm gonna...” you moaned loudly one of your hand on her shoulder blade with your nails digging into the soft skin the other hand intertwined with Georgias next to your head

“Hold it Baby... I promise I let you come but you need to hold it for me for a minute longer” the blonde grunted and growled speeding up her thrusting once again

“I can't” you whined out your limits getting pushed hard today

“I know you can...” your girlfriend grunted a little softer “I'm nearly there... just a few seconds”

These “few seconds” ended up to feel like hours. You begged you whined you whimpered but you held your orgasm back until Georgia suddenly said

“Come Baby... come for me.. NOW” the blonde growled thrusting into you one last time before stilling enjoying her own orgasm as she nearly fell on top of you catching herself in the last second not wanting to squish you under her

You on the other hand came with a high pitched scream of her name your eyes rolling into the back of your head your breathing rigid and you felt this blissfully floating experience. You came back to reality when Georgia carefully started to pull out of you but you kept your ankles locked behind her ass not letting her go

“Stay” you murmured still blissed out “Feels good”

“Okay...” the blonde whispered pressing soft kisses all over your face “Just let me move us a little so it's more comfortable for you”

She gently pulled you onto your side your leg automatically finding it's way over her hip again making you moan quietly when the strap moved inside you

“Ssssshhhh Baby... It's okay...” Georgia said soothingly trying to comfort you as much as possible as you pressed your face again into her neck

“Need more G...” you breathed out desperately

“More?” the blonde asked surprised

“Yes... 8 weeks is a long time... I need more” you nuzzled her neck

“We still have ti...” your girlfriend started but you interrupted her

“No... now... I need more now... please Baby” you tugged carefully on her earlobe with your teeth

“God woman... you're gonna be the death of me one day” Georgia chuckled

“At least you would leave this earth as a happy woman” you shot back

“Oh that I would” your girlfriend chuckled back before she smirked down at you “... would you want to try something?”

You knew that smirk. That smirk got you a lot of good memories and a lot of enjoyable satisfying nights

“Bring it Stanway” you smirked back before squealing as she single handily pulled you on top of her

“Where the fuck is my sister and Stanway??” Lucy asked for the 100th time pacing the entrance of Heathrow Airport

“God Lucy... calm the fuck down” Keira rolled her eyes but checking her phone nonetheless

“I can't believe everyone went against me and planned that” your sister grumbled

“If you hadn't behaved like the last asshole standing we wouldn't have... and WE will talk about that back in Barcelona” Keira shot her ex-girlfriend a murderous glare when she spotted you and Georgia coming down the Hall with you sitting on the luggage trolley and Georgia pushing you happily a wide grin plastered on her face

“There you are” Keira smiled warmly seeing both of you happy

“Are you out of your fucking..” Lucy started but Keira elbowed her so hard in the ribs that she started to cough hard – very hard

“You okay?” Keira looked at you giving you a once over

“So SO okay Kei” you smiled dreamily

“Okay... you G?” the blonde looked at her best friend

“Needed that little get-away...” your girlfriend smiled happily

“Good.,,, now come on... we need to get through security” Keira said after seeing that both of you are okay and well

“Wait a second!!” Lucy exclaimed now recovering from her coughing fit

“No” Keira said strictly “Security... NOW”

“Oh wow...” you mumbled under your breath and looked a little scared at Georgia who just shrugged her shoulders and decided it would be better to follow her best friend and quickly started to push that trolley after Keira

The security check went well until you had to leave your place on the luggage trolley so G could check in her bags. You tried to hide the little wince that quickly made it through your impression before you could collect yourself and got your resting bitch face back in place. Naturally this didn't go unnoticed by Keira who looked at you expectantly with a raised eyebrow

“I'm good” you mumbled in her direction not wanting Lucy to catch on

“Are you in pain?” the blonde asked lowly moving closer to you

“No... yeah... no... yeah...” you stuttered your cheeks flushing red

“What is it now... yes or no?” Keira asked missing the way you bit your lip embarrassed

“A little... but... good pain you know” you tried to be a subtle as possible

“Huh?” the blonde looked at you confused before understanding what you were trying to say “OH!”

“Yeah...” you smiled embarrassed while Georgia sported a proud smirk

“What you smirking about Stanway?” Lucy snapped after she came back from checking in her own luggage.

“Just knowing how we destroy you in eight weeks...” Georgia retorted sounding way more convinced that you knew she was

“Oh please.... Bayern is a good club but... we're Barca and you play our stadium” your sister shot back her signature smirk on her face

“But our team isn't one game away from moving into an old peoples home” it bursted out of your girlfriend and you knew it was the classic “Not thinking before speaking”-moment

But that didn't stop Keira and you from bursting out laughing even louder when you spotted your sisters outraged face

“Excuse me??!!” Lucy exclaimed her eyes wide in shock

“Come on... Security...” Keira ushered you all along before the situation could turn into something negative

“You okay Bubs??” Lucy asked concerned seeing your slight limp

“Totally” you grinned hoping to convince her

“Are you sure.. you kind of limping or something” your sister looked at your legs “Your knees acting up again? We gonna ice them back home okay?”

“No Lucy... not my knees Luce... I... I....” you desperately tried to come up with a good excuse “... I hit me ankle trying to cut a corner at Covent Garden”

“Covent Garden? What were you doing at Covent Garden?” Lucy looked even more confused now

“Ehrm.... Culture... Dining... you know...” you mumbled not meeting her eyes

“You went all the way to the West End for some food with your girlfriend?” your sister asked lost

“YES!” you exclaimed quickly

“You could have said something... I could've talked to Sarina to let you go out with G one night” your sister looked like a lost puppy

“I know Lucy..... it was just... very... spontaneous” you looked at Keira for help

“Let her be Luce... she's a big girl now – she can ask Sarina herself” the blonde said laying her arm around your shoulders stroking over your hair affectionately

“Yeah I know... it's just..” your sister shrugged removing everything for the security check on auto pilot

“Just nothing Lucy....” Keira said softly before pushing her ex towards the body scanner

And like in Barcelona the scanner started to ring in the most annoying tone the second Lucy stepped inside it. Your sister groaned annoyed throwing her head back and asked to no one in particular

“Why always me???”

She stepped out of it and immediately got flanked by two security guards who started to pad her down. After they discovered that your Sister didn't carry any weapons or something similar she was allowed to continue her journey. YOU on the other hand were now absolutely TERRIFIED of going through the body scanner. You stepped backwards and right into Keira who tried to convince you in a hushed soothing whisper to get you moving. But no – you were absolutely convinced that thing would start screaming again and then the guards would touch you which was your horror scenario. Georgia quickly got in front of you walking through the scanner without any problems trying to show you that it's okay. But even seeing with your own eyes that your girlfriend got through without any problems didn't got you moving

“Bitsy... you need to get through that scanner... I have one last little gift from Sarina for you but I only can give it to you on the other side of the security” the blonde mumbled from behind you keeping her hands on your waist so you wouldn't run away “Trust me Bitsy...”

With a deep breath and your eyes fixed on your girlfriend you took a step and then two more until you were in the scanner screwing your eyes shut like it would change any outcome.

“Miss... you can move” you heard a friendly voice from your right

“You done Bitsy... go to Lucy” you now heard Keiras voice from your left

You turned right and started to quickly sprinting out of the scanner. Only to forget that your eyes were still closed so you ran into the first person standing in your way – which was the nice security lady who told you you could move.

“Oh my God I'm so sorry” you quickly rambled out as you scrambled backwards

“It's okay.... you really don't like the scanner huh?” the woman said

“Don't like flying in general” you mumbled embarrassed when you saw Lucy and Georgia rushing over trying to help only to get held back by some security staff

For your and Georgias benefits you went straight for the hug Lucy offered you immediately after you “freed” yourself from the security. You didn't miss the way your girlfriends face fell slightly but you knew if you would've went to Georgia Lucy would've thrown a fit so you just put an apologetic smile on your face and pressed yourself into your sisters embrace

“It's okay Bubs... you did good” Lucy mumbled against your hair holding you tightly against her

“I hate it” you mumbled against her shoulder

“I know... but you did good” your sister assured you again waiting for Keira to get through the scanner as well

Very subtle you found your girlfriends hand and grabbed her pinky with yours. Georgia turned her head a little bit so Lucy wouldn't see the small smile that appeared on her face when she felt your hand looking for hers.

“All done... let's go” Keira appeared next to you ruffling through your hair

“Keiraaaaaa” you whined trying to get away from her hands “Took me ages to get me hair like this”

“Here” the ginger rolled her eyes giving you your snapback back

“Uh... I wondered where this was” you said happily putting the hat on

“It was in Millies bag and she gave it to me with the massage that you shouldn't leave your stuff all over the place” Keira huffed but pulled you away from Lucy into a side hug pulling you forward

“You want something to eat Bubs? We still have some time until boarding” Lucy asked

“Ugh no... I probably throw up if I eat something” you shuddered at the pure thought of eating

This time Georgia perked up to your disproval

“You hadn't had any breakfast either... I think a roll or something would do you some good ba... y/n” she quickly corrected herself in front of Lucy which caused Keira to chuckle under her breath before bringing her attention back to you

“No breakky Bits?? Are we back to that?” the ginger raised her eyebrow at you

“I... didn't have time” you defended yourself and before your girlfriend could interrupt you elbowed her hard

“Lucy... get your sister something light to eat” Keira said without taking her eyes off you fully aware that you shut Georgia up with your elbowing

“Some fruit Bubs?” your sister asked totally obvious to what just happened

“Fruits is fine...” you huffed knowing Keira caught on – of course she did she always did “Just... no Mango or Papaya or whatever that slimy shit is”

“Banana okay?” Lucy checked one last time

“Ugh no... bleh” you said quickly pulling a face

“Bitsy” Keira warned you and now even Georgia stepped away for safety

“But I don't want Banana” you whined like a three year old

“No “buts”...” the ginger started getting interrupted from a voice behind you

“Cariño... what did you do now to upset Keira?” the voice asked teasing and you just KNEW your savior in form of Alexia Putellas just arrived

“They want to force Banana down me throat but I don't like Banana... sí us plau ajuda'm” you begged her not even realizing what you just did

Alexia on the other hand – along with half the Barca squad AND Jenni – noticed immediately and looked at you with wide shocked eyes

“Did... did you just speak catalan Cariño?” the spaniard asked confused

“What?” you asked just as confused back

“You just spoke catalan” Alexia looked at you blankly

“I did?” you asked baffled

“You did pequeño” Jenni confirmed grinning “Even tho I didn't grew up in Catalonia I know catalan when I hear it...”

“When did I learn catalan?” you asked flabbergasted making the whole group bursting out laughing

“I don't know Cariño but it was very good catalan... better than your sister and DEFINITELY better than Keira” the spaniard capitan laughed

“Oy... you don't have any ground to stand on Ale... you don't even speak the accent” Keira exclaimed but everyone knew she wasn't serious

“I won't even comment on that... what I WILL comment on is... Cariño... eat that banana your sister will get you in a minute – it will help settle your stomach” Alexia said strictly

“But I don't like bananas...” you whined again

“No... I will personally make you eat that banana if I have to...” the blonde spaniard said firmly taking the chore of arguing with you off Keiras shoulders “... I WILL make Jenni to hold you down and believe me – she can”

You carefully looked up over Alexias shoulder where Jenni stood and were met with a wolfish grin

“She knows what she's talking about” the black haired spaniard grinned and wriggled her eyebrows which earned her a slap from her capitan

“Stop scaring the Cariño” Alexia huffed rolling her eyes what caused Georgia to snort and suddenly all attention was on her

“Anything you want to share with the class G?” Keira smirked when she saw her best friend looking uncomfortable

“Nope.. all good... just remembered that funny cat video I saw this morning” your girlfriend said quickly moving a bit away from your sister who shot daggers at your girlfriend

“Cat video me ass” Keira snorted but let go of the topic to shoo Lucy away getting some fruit for you

“What are you all doing here?” you asked after you plopped down next to Alexia absently grabbing Onas hand who sat on your right and started playing with her rings – something you did to calm your own nerves without it even realizing it

Ona looked a little taken aback for a second before just shrugging her shoulder starting to get into a conversation with Keira. The only person who still stood around looking unsure was your girlfriend

“So.... you and the little Bronze” Georgia jumped a little when she heard the voice next to her and suddenly found herself being pushed into a seat two rows behind you

“Ehrm...” your girlfriend just looked around shocked as four pair of spanish eyes were fixed on her

“Pot parlar??” Mapí asked looking expectantly at Georgia who of course got even more insecure as the other three snorted

“Be nice Mapí...” Jenni said but she still smirked at your girlfriend “Speak up... you and y/n?”

“Yes?” Georgia answered carefully

“Are you really asking me if you're dating the little Bronze?” now the dark haired spaniard raised her eyebrow

“No... I just don't know what you want from me?” your girlfriend said still not sure what to make out of this surreal situation

“Just... talk” Mapí moved a little closer to Georgia

“Talk?” Georgia asked

“Sí...” Pina said nodding her head “... that's spanish for “yes”...”

“I'm not THAT stupid” your girlfriend huffed out offended

“Your girlfriend spoke perfect catalan without even knowing she spoke catalan... sorry for trying to be nice” Pina huffed back

“Let's get down to business... Listen....” Jenni said seriously looking Georgia straight into the eye

“You don't even know my name??” your girlfriend exclaimed upset

“I do... I just didn't know if I use Georgia or Stanway... but I think I go with Stanway” the dark haired said back “... listen Stanway... this Girl... she's very valued among our team”

“What does among mean?” Pina interrupted making Jennis upcoming threat basically useless

“Calla I deixa'm parlar idiota” Jenni growled towards the small spaniard who immediately shrunk backwards in her seat “... as I said – she's very valued amongst us.. I personally owe her a lot... if you hurt her you don't only have Lucia to fear... you'll have Barcelona to fear... Spain to fear... Norway to fear... Sweden to fear... and me...”

“Wow... this one is more concepted than Lucys... she just said “Hurt her and I'll kill you”... I'm impressed” Georgia looked blankly at Jenni nodding her head lightly “... REALLY impressed”

“You better take me seriously Stanway....” Jenni growled getting angry as how easily the young Lioness dismisses her

“Hermoso... I'm dating Lucy Bronze little sister.... I KNEW what I was getting into... you don't scare me... KEIRA scares me... she's me best friend and I KNOW what she's able to do... and she's highly protective over y/n... so no... I really don't take you seriously” your girlfriend shrugged her shoulders before pushing out of the seat leaving a totally baffled Jenni Hermoso, María León, Claudia Pina and a even lost Patri behind

“You okay G?” Keira asked the second her best friend was close enough having kept an eye on her

“All good... they tried to threaten me... was a good attempt... if I wasn't dating a Bronze with an overprotective Walsh around...” your girlfriend shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly smiling shortly at Ona who still hasn't gotten her hand back while you were still talking to Alexia

“I love it how they all underestimate me” Keira chuckled as she saw Lucy approaching with a bowl full of different fruit

“I picked all the good ones Bubs...” your sister smiled presenting you the plastic container with a plastic fork as she crouched down in front of you

“Do I have too??” you immediately started to whine looking at your sister with puppy eyes

“Just a little bit okay Bubs?” Lucy said helplessly being an absolute sucker for your puppy eyes

“All of it Bitsy” Keira interrupted before you could get away with three pieces and not more

“But... Keiraaaaaa” you whined trying to cuddle into Alexia hoping for her backup

“No... It's not that much anyway so you'll manage just fine” the ginger put her foot down so you tried one last attempt

“Mapí!! You want some fruit?” you looked up from Alexias shoulder you tried to hide in

“Uh... SÌ!!!” the quirky spaniard shot out of her seat

“No... NO Mapí... that's y/n fruit and she eats it...” Keira quickly interrupted but it was already too late as Mapí snatched the plastic container out of Lucys hands immediately digging in

“María!!” now Alexia got involved as well scolding her friend firmly

“She gave it to me” the tattooed spaniard mumbled with a full mouth half the fruits already gone

“Give... it... back” Alexia warned her friend and Mapí moved instinctively a little further away from Alexia cradling the container to her chest

“María Pilar León Cebrían!!!” Alexia warned lowly knowing she only had a TINY window left to get the rest of your fruit back

“No” Mapí said recutlanty

“Jenni” Alexia called out nodding towards Mapí not having the patience to deal with the situation right now

“Great... make me the bad one again... just because you can't keep your children under control” Jenni groaned standing up already “Mapí don't” she warned seeing how the tattooed woman already sized up a way to flee

To Jennis big annoyance Mapí turned around on her heels started sprinting away

“You owe me Putellas” the lanky spaniard groaned sprinting after Maps

“Cariño...” the blonde spaniard now turned her attention to you

“There was papaya in there” you said quickly

“Was NOT” your sister exclaimed still sitting in front of you “I hand sorted them out....”

“At the bottom there was a papaya...” you huffed

“Cariño” Alexia said again her voice turning a little icy and you flinched “You with me... now”

The spaniard stood up pulling you up with her. You clutched to Onas hand who winched slightly trying to free her hand carefully

“Let go of Onas hand” Alexia said strictly and you dropped your sisters girlfriends hand immediately

“Thank you” the capitan said pulling you over to one of the small coffee bars at the terminal “I don't care what you choose but I'll be damned if I don't get some food into you before take-off...”

“Alexia I'm really not hungry” you mumbled

“When was the last time you've eaten something?” the blonde asked softly seeing how much this situation stresses you out

“Last night” you said without thinking

“Really? Room service?” Alexia asked raising her eyebrow

“Ehrm... kinda... it was in a room... and I... .served??” you committed embarrassed

“Ay dios...” the blonde threw her hands up rolling her eyes “NOT what I meant... so... when was the last time you ate FOOD?”

“Ehrm...” you tried to remember

“That's answer enough... choose... now” the blonde said firmly “I will stand here the whole day if I have too...”

“But then you'll miss your flight” you looked confused

“Then it'll be.... but I'm not boarding a plane knowing you haven't eaten food for... probably days” Alexia said calmly

“Croissant?” you asked carefully

“Okay...” the blonde nodded and paid for your beverage which you took a little hesitantly and a little uncomfortable but at least you took it

“Thank you” you mumbled trying to bring yourself to bite into it

“No problem at all Cariño... it's okay to eat you know...” Alexia encouraged you carefully knowing from Keira that you sometimes don't feel comfortable eating in front of others while other times you just inhale whatever lands in front of you

“It's just.... yucky feeling” you admitted trying to buy yourself some more time

“I understand that Cariño... just a bite okay?” the blonde lead you a little away from the hectic and covered your body with her own so you'd hopefully felt a little more secure “No one will see okay..”

You hesitantly brought the croissant up and bit of a tiny edge chewing it carefully

“Good... you're doing good Cariño... could you manage a second one for me please?” Alexia said a soft smile on her lips knowing how much effort it took you and how grateful she could be that you trust her enough to let her see you like this

“Do I have too?” you asked your voice barely over a whisper

“You don't HAVE to Cariño... but it would make me feel better” the blonde answered softly

She knew it was risky but she hoped that you liked her enough to consider another bite. To her big surprise you did. You took a second bite to immediately stuff the croissant back into the paper bag it came in and hand it to Alexia

“You did very good Cariño... thank you” the blonde smiled at you taking the bag before pulling you into a side hug leading you back to the group

“Boarding starts in a few minutes” your sister said when Alexia and you came back

“We're back... don't stress us Lucia” Alexia rolled her eyes playfully making you chuckle

It'll never stop to amaze Alexia how quickly you switch emotions to hide your problems

“Yes Lucia...” you teased your sister “... don't stress us”

“Excuse me??” Lucy exclaimed “upset” playing along seeing you need a lighter mood

“Guys... boarding” Irene shouted to get everyones attention and your head snapped immediately towards Georgia who still sat in comfortable in one of the uncomfortable airport chairs

“Go say bye Cariño...” Alexia mumbled in your ear pushing softly towards your girlfriend

Even if you wanted to walk over you couldn't bring your legs to move as you felt Alexia let go of you and heard in distance how she ushered everyone forward. Seeing how lost you stood there Georgia pushed herself up covering the short distance to you

“It's okay... we see each other soon okay... We'll see each other when I come to Barcelona for the Champions League... just a few weeks... basically around the corner already” Georgia tried to comfort you seeing how the tears pool up in your eyes

You on the other hand didn't trust yourself to speak so you just threw yourself into your girlfriends arms sniffling quietly. Even tho the two of you had a long distance relationship right from the start it didn't make the goodbyes easier

“It'll be okay Baby” Georgia mumbled against your hair pressing a soft subtle kiss to your head “I know it's hard but we'll see each other soon okay... I love you.... so much... and whenever you need me I'm just a call away... or a text... or a pigeon”

You chuckled through your tears when Georgia brought the pigeon into the mix the two of you always joking that you sometimes consider sending a pigeon to get your message across to Georgia in Germany since your girlfriend sometimes needed forever to answer texts.

“I know” you sniffled into her shoulder “It just sucks”

“Yeah it does... but Champions League is in eight weeks... just 60 days... we managed longer before... the days will just fly by and next thing you know you're gonna pick me up in Barcelona and show me your favorite little coffee shop you told me about... the one hidden away from the busy streets” your girlfriend said quietly

“Bubs come on... boarding” you heard your sister yell from a few feet away and you instinctively grabbed Georgias shirt a little tighter

“Go Baby... I need to board soon too.... don't make Luce come over and pry you off me” Georgia chuckled knowing neither of you actually wanted to let go

“You text me when you land yes?” you mumbled

“Always... and I'll phone you tonight when I'm back in me flat okay?” your girlfriend nodded and pressed another subtle kiss to your hairline

“Okay...” you took a deep breath letting go of your girlfriend – ripping off the band aid style with just letting go turning around and walking over to where Lucy and Keira were waiting for you your head hung low so no one would see your tears

“I'm sorry Bubs” Lucy mumbled seeing how much it hurt you as she pulled you into her side looking over to Georgia who stood there lost her shoulders sagged and nodded to the blonde that she will look after you

After Lucy locked eyes with Georgia and let her know you were save your girlfriend turned around to walk over to her own terminal having a half an hour to spare until she needed to board the flight to Munich. Lucy went through the ticket control first while Keira handed you your ticket. With Lucy waiting on the other side of sliding glass doors she couldn't hear what was going on but she saw there was some kind of problem with your ticket and cursed herself out knowing how much you feared problems in public spaces since you weren't one standing happily in the lime light. Your sister saw the flight attended telling you to try and scan your ticket again but again it got refused. You looked lost at Keira who was still standing behind you with a small smile on her lips

“Keira... it's not working” you said stressed

“Don't EVER say I don't love you...” the ginger said seriously but still soft and loving

“What??” you asked confused still getting more and more stressed by the second

“You remember I told you Sarina had one last gift for you.. it's not only from her.... it's from me as well....” Keira said softly hoping you'd catch on – but you didn't

“Look on your ticket Bitsy” the ginger smiled lovingly after you looked at her lost

You did look down on the small paper slip in your hand. Reading you name. Your seating. Your departure airport. Your departure time. Your arrival airpo... no. Your head snapped up looking at Keira shocked and lost.

“Go...” Keira said lovingly pulling you into a quick hug pressing a soft kiss to your temple “... just make sure to keep in touch okay... don't ghost any of us... I know where G lives... I will come and get you if I don't hear from you at least once a day”

“Thank you Keira....” you now sniffled – but this time it was happy tears

“Now off you go... oh and Bitsy... G doesn't know... it was Sarinas and my doing” the ginger smiled pushing you away slightly which you took to sprint off in the direction you thought you would find your girlfriend a big smile on your face

#lucy bronze x reader #keira walsh x reader #woso image #mapi leon x reader #lucy bronze #ona batlle x reader #lionesses x reader #jenni hermoso x reader #georgia stanway x reader

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molosseraptor · 8 days

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I usually avoid dog content on Instagram unless it’s things my friends post about, but now that I have a puppy the algorithm keeps feeding me puppy content and especially “dog trainer” puppy content.

I can’t handle all the misinformation and more importantly, the inappropriate expectations. It’s all for stupid reasons like comments and views and likes at the expense of the puppy. Baby puppies do not need to, nor should they, know 20 cues and tricks at 16 weeks. Baby puppies have no business being asked to make inappropriately difficult self control decisions. And baby puppies most definitely should not be expected to have the mental and physical capacity to perform adult dog behaviors at home or in public.

Baby puppies need the time and space to be babies and explore and learn about the world in a safe and low pressure way. Of course you’re going to be doing training at home and in the world, but most of that is teaching them your general rules and expectations and building solid foundations for life and sport skills. That’s already a lot to have on both of your plates.

While I and other dog people who get it look at these videos and roll our eyes, pet owners and people getting started in sports see these things and get super down on themselves for failing their puppies or not doing enough. They don’t know that this isn’t normal, appropriate, or something to aspire to. That pressure either makes people discouraged and they shut down or it makes them push their puppy way too hard and way too fast in an effort to keep up. It hurts everyone.

I didn’t want to put random people I don’t know on blast, so I made my own video of a mild version of what I’m describing.

What does this tell you about my puppy and us as a team?

While it looks like my puppy is doing complex “formal obedience” behaviors, he doesn’t actually know any of these skills or what he’s doing. All this video shows is that he knows how to follow a food lure and that he can eat cheese while walking. On my end, it shows that I know how to lure a dog into different positions. A baby puppy doesn’t have the mental or physical capacity to do a formal heel or chain multiple behaviors together and that’s normal.

If we kept this stuff up long term I might create an aversion to the signs/sport picture because the dog associates it with too much pressure. I’ll definitely create a serious lack of independence in my behaviors and difficulty fading out the food lure. And I’ll 100% create a lot of sloppy heeling on the dog’s part and poor handling on mine. Like most of these videos, “impressive” in the short term but digging a very deep hole that will get in the way of future long term success.

#my dogs #cane corso #dog stuff

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abby-howard · 2 months

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I'm going to be asking a lot of artists I follow this question, but how did you develop your style? It SEEMS like most people find their style and stick with it forever, just making improvements and iterations. I tend to work in a lot of different styles because I enjoy doing that, though I know there are things I gravitate towards as well. But I wonder what your journey was and how you got feedback and improved while staying true to what you enjoyed?

Hi there!

I definitely wouldn't say that I've found my style and stuck with it forever-- I feel like each of my projects has asked for a certain kind of art, and has presented new challenges that push me in new directions.

Some of that comes from seeing someone else's work and having something click into place that might fix errors/faults in my own, and then I might try to incorporate that, such as bigger outlines on my characters to help distinguish them from the background, or maybe a way someone else simplifies eyes that can help make mine look less weird.

When I first started drawing, I can see where I encountered certain influences because my sketchbooks suddenly switch to incorporating some new stylistic element that I liked from whatever I was reading/watching at the time. But it was never QUITE right, it was never just copying, there was always something ~wrong~ with it. And that wrongness was my style! As much as I hated it, that was what distinguished my art from being just a copy of someone else's. I hate it less now, and understand that other people see something there that maybe I don't, because it's just what happens when I filter other people's work through my head. My soul, if you will.

There are definitely through-lines with my work, driven by what I like drawing and what comes easily to me-- hatching is almost always a major component, and I like making expressive characters. Here's some of my earliest available stuff, from my old webcomic:

Then not long after that, I started The Last Halloween, which pushed me to challenge myself in both layout and style:

And here's the same comic, years later:

And here's a series I did for kids, where I had to use full color and lay off on the hatching, as well as learn how to reconstruct animals that we have no photo references for, which is definitely a place where style comes majorly into play, whether I wanted it to or not:

Then there was the horror book I did, where I tried to push my work to be less cartoony overall, and to work very hard on improving my hatching:

Then I started work on Scarlet Hollow, where I incorporated a limited/muted palette and had to once again push myself to make less-cartoony art, as well as learn more consistency so I could draw sprite sets. This was a big challenge for me, and has helped me grow as an artist so much!

And most recently, I wrapped up work on Slay the Princess, which required that I go back in the cartoony direction, but in a very different way than I was used to. This took a lot of sketching to figure out, and there's still a decent amount of artistic stumbling in Chapter 1 while I settled into it.

She's drawing on anime/Disney influence, but each Princess required a bit of stylistic variability. Some are more anime, while some are more realistic than even the Scarlet Hollow characters.

So I wouldn't worry too much, honestly! A person's style is often something that reveals itself over the course of their career, rather than something they choose and then try to stick to forever.

Even if you don't think you have a style, you do. It might vary a lot piece by piece, especially if you're trying to closely imitate another person's art, but the more work you do, the more you'll figure out your own strengths and interests!

#long post #my art #junior scientist power hour #the last halloween #abby howard #scarlet hollow #slay the princess #once you work long enough on art #style starts to feel more like modes you switch in and out of #all based around a core of what you're good at and what you can do #which in itself will change sometimes!#and of course your style with different mediums is gonna be different too #like slay the princess is pencil which is why it looks more distinct from my other work #never forget that at its core art is about messin around #wait shoot i should've put all this in the post #but it's long enough as it is

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writingmar · 2 months

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nsfw ੈ✩‧₊˚ mdni

'𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭.'

𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘪𝘥 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

after reid mentioned he'd been to a kink club for an investigation, you just couldn't stop your curiosity and decided to look into it. when he comes home and finds you with your research, he decided that the best way to learn about something is to experience it yourself...

wc: 2.6k

content & tw: smut, literally all of this is just smut, dom!reid, sub!reader, kink, crawling, degrading, spanking, face smacking, spit, head pushing, restricting movements, name calling (whore, slut), unprotected piv (stay safe out there), let me know if i missed any!!

a/n: this is not proofread!!! and also i take requests!! please send them via my asks :))

it was late already, and you hadn't expected spencer to come home today. he had texted you that he was going to new york this morning, and you hadn't heard a lot from him since. you missed him, of course, but this was his job, and it only made the time you did spend with him more special.

it had been a week since spencer had come home, slightly flustered when you asked him about his day. he had told you he had to go to a kink club for an investigation, and morgan teased him the entire afternoon, but there was a certain excitement in his eyes as he talked about it. when you asked him about it, he had kissed your forehead and said, 'oh, nevermind, baby. you're far too much of a good girl for all of that stuff.'

his dismissal only interested you more, and you knew damn well that he knew that, so when you figured you had the evening to yourself, you got out a nice glass of red wine and your laptop and decided to do some research. you didn't know what you expected to find, but you definitely didn't expect it to intrigue you as much as it did.

when you came back to the living room after a quick bathroom break, you nearly had a heart attack as you spotted spencer on the couch, your glass of wine in his hand and his eyes fixed on your laptop. 'jesus, spencer! i didn't think you'd come home tonight,' you said, but he didn't even look your way. when you looked at your laptop screen, you noticed he had found not only your 12 open tabs about different kinks, but also the document in which you had been collecting your thoughts.

'choking, yes. spanking, yes. name calling, yes. degradation, yes in all caps... what an interesting list you've made here, my love,' he said in a dark, soft voice. you felt your cheeks redden quickly. 'you weren't meant to see that,' you said, your usually confident demeanor now reduced to that of a small child in trouble.

'oh, but this teaches me so much about you,' spencer said, finally turning around to look at you. he looks like it's been a long day for him, his hair is a mess, but his eyes are dark and there is an undeniable hunger in them.

he had only mentioned four things on the list, but with how fast this man reads, you know he had read everything. from how you want to be smacked in the face, spit on, worship him at his feet, be marked by him, orgasm denial and all the other fucked up things you came across that made you wet just imagining it.

'come over here, princess,' he says as he pats his leg. you feel butterflies in your lower stomach, a mix of nerves and excitement. you do as you're told and walk over to him, sitting down on his lap. he tilts his head up to look at you, one arm holding you at your back, his other hand resting on your thigh, exposed underneath your pyjama shorts. the skin-to-skin contact sending an instant shiver down your spine.

'so, you want to try those things out? do you baby?' spencer asks, his hand tracing circles on your thigh. you nod at him, your curiosity spiked at the sight of this new side of him.

he digs his fingers into your thigh, making you jump. 'use your words, darling. i need to hear you say it,' spencer says, releasing his grip on your thigh. 'so, let me ask you again. you want to try those things?'

'yes, sir,' you reply, the corners of his mouth lifting at the way you address him. 'good girl...' he says, 'you'd like me to be rough with you? hmm?' his hand trails up your body, from your thigh, via your stomach, up to your chest, slowly higher and higher.

'yes, sir. i'd like that very much,' you say, your body reacting to every soft touch of his hand on your skin. he moves the hand supporting you to the back of your neck and closes the distance between your faces. you can feel his breath on your skin, and your heart beats so loud you're afraid he might hear it.

'yeah? you wanna be treated like a little whore? a dirty cumslut, only for my pleasure? all for me to use?' he says, every husky word, the deep vibrations of his voice, sending tingles straight to your stomach.

you nod before quickly correcting yourself. 'yes, sir,' you say, and before you know it, his hand has moved from your chest to your throat, cutting of your airways. 'awh, baby. i'm not sure if you can take it...' spencer says in a teasing voice.

'i- i ca-' you try to speak, but the lack of breath makes it awfully difficult. his hand only tightens, 'speak!' he says in a booming voice. with all your might and determination, you manage to get the words out. 'i can take it, sir,' you say, your voice choked off and hoarse, but the second the words leave your lips, his hand releases.

'such an obedient little slut... let's see what else you can do,' spencer says as he puts you down on the floor and stands up. when you move to get on your feet, he puts his hand on the top of your head and tsks. 'you don't get to walk, pet. crawl,' he demands. he turns around and walks to the bedroom. you do as your told, crawling after him on hands and knees, but his long strides are far faster than you.

by the time you make it to the bedroom, he is sat on the edge of the bed, lazily leaned back on his elbows, top buttons of his blouse undone, his jeans and black boots still on. you look him dead in the eye as you crawl to him, sitting down on the floor with your hands on your knees when you reach him. he reaches down and puts his hand on your cheek, stroking your cheek lovingly. 'what a beautiful sight... my obedient whore, all i have to do is ask, right?'

you nod again, and before you can correct yourself with words, the hand so lovingly caressing your cheek leaves and comes back, smacking your cheek. you're slightly taken aback, but quickly move your head back to look him in the eye. 'yes, sir. i'm all yours,' you say confidently.

he lets out a satisfied hum, putting his hand back on your cheek and putting his thumb on your lower lip. 'open,' he commands, and you do as you're told. he presses his thumb into your mouth, sliding it over your tongue. 'wider, wider...' he tells you as he presses the digit further into the back of your mouth. you gag, but don't pull back, making him smirk. 'good girl... you like having that big mouth of yours filled, don't you?' he asks. 'yes, sir,' you try to say, his thumb in your mouth making it slightly difficult.

'good... then i think it's time to use my little slut for what she's useful for. my pleasure,' he says, undoing his belt and jeans with one hand, the other one still keeping your mouth occupied. when he frees his already rock hard cock from your his underwear, he pulls you towards it by your cheek.

he removes his finger from your mouth and you greedily want to immediately put your mouth on him, but he moves his hand to the back of your head, grabs a fist full of your hair and pulls your head back, making you look up at him. 'if at any point you can't take it anymore, you tap anywhere twice and we stop immediately, got it?' he asks, a sudden seriousness in his expression.

'i got it, sir, but i promise i can take it,' you say with a sly smile. he raises one eyebrow and says 'we'll see about that,' before wasting no time, using the hold he has on your hair to push your head down, pushing his cock deep into your throat. you gag, tears filling your eyes and drool falling down the sides of your mouth.

spencer groans loudly, 'still sure you can take it?' he asks. you're not sure how to respond, not able to speak, coughing softly at the feeling of his tip touching the back of your throat.

'not tapping out yet? good, i'm just getting started, princess,' he says before pulling your head up by your hair and down again. the aggression makes you wetter than you've ever been before. not having to think about what you have to do, how you have to move, it's almost freeing in a way.

spencer groans loudly as he uses your mouth for his own pleasure, his breathing getting faster and faster, and you take everything he gives you. every tug on your hair and every drop of drool makes you feel almost proud.

'good little slut, fuck, you take it so well,' he says, his voice husky and deep. as his pre-cum coats your tongue, you feel his cock grow harder and harder in your mouth, and when you think he's about to cum, he pulls your hair up and away from him. you take a deep breath, tears in your eyes and spilling from them, your face red.

spencer looks at you with a satisfied grin. 'i love it when my whore works so hard for me,' he says before looking down at his boots, 'but look at the mess you've made...'

you look down to see what he's talking about. several drops of drool have fallen onto his boots, shining trails on the black leather. spencer tightens his grip on your hair, pulling your face upwards. 'i don't like messes,' he says before spitting in your face. you're slightly taken aback, but love it more than you feel like you should.

'i'm sorry, sir,' you say, puppy dog eyes looking up at him. 'well, sorry doesn't fix anything, does it now, slut? clean it up,' he says as he pushes your head down towards his boots, releasing your hair. you catch yourself on your hands, and remember the 'boot worship' on the list.

determined to be a good girl, you stick out your tongue and lick his boots clean, until every single drop of your spit is gone. spencer moans at the sight. 'fucking hell, that's beautiful,' you hear him say from above you. he leans forward, putting one hand on your ass, the other one between your legs, his fingers slowly moving thru your soaking wet folds.

you let out a soft moan at the contact, making him laugh. 'awh, look at that. my slut is already soaked for me... fuck, it's pathetic how badly you want me,' he says before standing up. you stay in your position, on your knees with your head low to the ground.

you don't dare to look at him, he hasn't told you that you could, but you hear the distinct sound of shoelaces being undone, heavy boots being removed and then clothing hitting the floor.

spencer gets on his knees behind you, lining the head of his cock up with your entrance, but before he moves inside you he bends down towards your face. 'open,' he says, and you follow his command, opening your mouth. he shoves a piece of black fabric, his underwear, into your mouth before grabbing both of your wrists and holding them in place at your lower back.

he teases you for what feels like an eternity, moving the tip of his cock thru your wetness, laughing at your whimpers. 'such a needy whore...' he says before, without any warning, slamming himself balls deep into you. you let out a loud moan, feeling him so deep inside you so suddenly.

'fuck, princess, you're so fucking wet, i could just slide right in... i guess that's what dirty sluts are like, always wet and ready to be used,' he says before settling into a fast and harsh pace. the position you're in causes him to fill you up so deeply, hitting your g-spot with every punishing stroke. you moan loudly around the fabric of his underwear, approaching climax faster than ever before.

as you feel your muscles clench, just seconds away from your orgasm, spencer pulls out of you, a harsh smack of his palm landing on your ass. 'did i say you could cum, slut? i don't remember giving you permission for that,' he says, another smack landing on your skin.

he bends down towards your face, pulling the fabric from your mouth. 'you don't cum unless i say you can cum. unless you beg for my mercy and you barely remember your own name. is that clear, little slut?' he asks you.

'yes, sir. i promise,' you moan. 'good,' he replies, lining himself up with your entrance once more. 'i wanna hear you, princess. tell me how good it feels to be used by me,' he says before returning to the same fast, hard and punishing thrusts.

your body is immediately back in high alert, your orgasm being so close you can almost taste it, but you do everything in your power to keep it at bay.

'fuck, sir. it feels so good... so full,' you whimper underneath spencer, your wrists still in his grip. 'i know, princess, but you wanna obey me right?' he asks, not once straying away from his tempo.

'i do, sir, i really do, but i wanna cum so bad... please, sir, so... so full... so much,' you say, losing control of your words. he wasn't kidding when he said he'd make you forget your own name.

spencers breathing becomes ragged and faster, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic and frenzied. every hit to your g-spot makes you closer and closer to tumbling over the edge, but you do everything you can to obey him.

when you feel spencer growing stiffer behind you, he finally releases you from your torment. 'cum for me, princess, you have my permission,' he says, and it's like a dam breaks inside of you. you moan loudly, and if you weren't so dick-drunk you'd probably worry about the neighbors getting worried.

as your muscles clench around him, spencer spills inside of you, and you take every single drop. after a few more thrusts, he stills, letting out a deep breath. he pulls out of you, and you immediately grieve the loss of full-ness.

he picks you up and kisses your forehead. 'you did so good, princess. so, so good for me,' he says before pulling back the covers from the bed and laying down with you, keeping you close and softly stroking your hair. the switch from dominant and ruthless to kind and caring is sudden, but very welcome.

'so, was that about what you expected?' he asks in between soft kisses on your cheeks, shoulders and collarbones, not once letting you out of his safe and comforting arms.

'even better, sir,' you say teasingly, 'let's do this again sometime.'

spencer smirks before claiming your lips with a soft but passionate kiss. 'that sounds like a great plan, princess.'

#writinggaia #dom!reid #sub!reader #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #cm #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid smut

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starlightomatic · 4 months

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Hi! I saw your tags on unlearning zionism and I was wondering if you've ever spoken about that/the kind of processing you had to do? I think it's... Interesting (for lack of a better word) how this is a sentiment I've seen reflected on pretty much all explicitly non-zionist Jewish blogs I follow, and how much that reflects both how closely entwined the concept and Jewishness has become and the fierce zionism in some people.

Obviously you're free to not discuss this at all, I also understand it's deeply personal. (I'm also not intending to make anyone change their mind, I believe this is a process Jewish people should be afforded on their own terms; I'm really just trying to understand where they're coming from). ♥️

The tl;dr was through talking to people, breaking my rigidities, and being lucky enough to encounter people who were kind, committed to dialogue, and not dismissive.

Longer version under the cut.

In winter 2019 I started dating a non-zionist, so a lot of the early stuff was through conversations with them.

Here are the specific things I recall through them:

They validated my experience of having felt traumatized by a negative experience I had at a protest. I felt very on the defense, and dismissed, as a zionist who wanted to be in leftist spaces and they validated that. I don't know if they were faking it or not, but it felt real, and being heard and not dismissed was super important to building trust and safety. Ultimately, building trust and safety was the most important thing.

They would sometimes patiently poke holes in things I said. Matter of factly, not confrontationally. For example, once I said I didn't like the separation wall dividing Israel proper from the West Bank but that it was necessary to prevent terrorist attacks, and they were like "no, that wasn't the wall, it was a change in PA policy." Another time I was like "I don't understand [West Bank] settlers, if they want to be pioneers and settle more land they should settle the Negev, where they're not encroaching on Palestinians!" and they explained to me more about the situation between Israel and Bedouins and how that actually still would involve encroaching/displacement.

They're very religious, and so they had the tools to poke into my "but just open a siddur! you can see all the references to returning to Jerusalem!" and discuss how that differed from and predated zionism the political ideology. They were able to break through my dismissiveness/derision of Chareidi antizionism and help me understand that it has legitimate religious underpinnings. (They're not Chareidi though.) They affirmed for me that they do feel connected to Eretz Yisrael and they love Eretz Yisrael.

They also explained that indigenous doesn't mean "from a place" but rather describes a relationship to colonialism. It still didn't totally click for me, and they and I have both since come to understand that there are a lot of definitions of indigenous, but what it did help me understand was that when people push back against "Jews are indigenous to EY" they're not always trying to say we're not from there.

In general it helped me break down what I thought an antizionist was. I thought that an antizionist was someone who didn't think Jews had a meaningful spiritual and communal connection to EY, thought we weren't from there, didn't give a shit if all Israeli Jews ended up pushed into the sea, hadn't opened a siddur to see references to return to Jerusalem, etc. I was also pretty rigid in my thinking and had collected a bunch of talking points, mostly that I'd co-created with other members of Jewbook (Jewish facebook). They helped me break out of that rigidity and once I'd done that I was open to learning more.

What happened next is that in fall 2019 is I did a fellowship that, while unrelated to the topic, put me in contact with other Jewish antizionists.

There was one person whose project we visited during an outing on the fellowship, who had discussed their project's antizionism. I was bothered by it and asked them one question: Did they feel Jews were connected to Eretz Yisrael? Did they feel connected to Eretz Yisrael? They responded yes of course.

Another person was my roommate on the fellowship, a leftist antizionist Syrian Jew. For a while one of my sticking points had been Mizrahi support of Zionism -- my thought process here had a few pieces. One, it seemed like white privilege to go against what most Israeli Jews of color believed and wanted. Another was that I felt that a lot of antizionists were dismissive of and racist towards Mizrahim and don't understand or care to understand their needs, history, or motivations (I do still think that's true). I also saw the expulsions from SWANA and the fact that Israel took in the SWANA Jewish refugees as proof of the necessity of Zionism.

So, I think that interacting with a Mizrahi antizionist both taught me expanded perspectives on the issue, and taught me that it's possible to be antizionist and still in solidarity with Mizrahim. I learned more nuance, for example around Israel's taking in of the refugees; I knew they had been mistreated, but I think it helped me connect the dots about what that meant about the entire Zionist project. That was also the year A-WA's album Bayti fi Rasi came out, and when I listened to Hana Mash Hu Al Yaman, I think that's when it clicked for me that Israel taking them in was not some sort of miracle or blessing in disguise but rather a last resort for people who did not want to go but had no choice. The main characters in that song wanted to stay in Yemen which is I think something that hadn't clicked for me before. That may not be the majority Mizrahi perspective but it is a perspective and one I hadn't previously considered.

By the same token, my partner at the time (the one I talked about at the beginning of the post) was raised as a Yiddish speaker, and we talked about Yiddish suppression during the early days of the state, as well as Ben Yehuda's disdain for Yiddish, and the general early Zionist disdain for Eastern European Jewry and "old world" Jewish culture. I was already aware of the New Jew concept (the idea that the old Jew was studious and unathletic, but we should put that behind us to become strong and agricultural). They helped me frame this in terms of antisemitism, connecting it to the vitriol Chassidim receive from other Jews, antisemitism directed towards Jewish men and the ways it's about gender and goyish and Jewish constructions of masculinity, anti-circ rhetoric that depends on the Hellenistic idea of the body as perfection, and Naomi Klein's analysis of the dislike of Yiddish by Ben Yehuda et al as sexist due to their association of it as "feminine" and therefore lesser.

We also talked about the ways that Zionism devalues diaspora culture. I definitely see this in the ways that eg Jewbook zionists used to see the Ashkenazi past in Eastern Europe as simply a time of pogroms and violence with nothing generative or valuable. It seems that zionism posits Israel and Israeli culture as the "right" or "completed" version of Judaism, and discourages us from mourning the loss of culture we experienced during the Holocaust and our subsequent exodus.

I think there is nuance here; there are Israeli Yiddishists, there are people practicing all kinds of diaspora Jewish cultures in Israel, etc. I think this is a case where antizionists take something real and over emphasize it to sound bigger and more harmful than it is. It's not Israel's fault that European Jewry got destroyed and it's not Israel's fault that A-WA's family had to leave Yemen. Sometimes it feels like antizionist project those harms onto Israel and Zionism.

At the same time though, there is a kernel of truth in the way at least that many North American zionists view Ashkenazi culture, thought I can't say how much of that is their Zionism and how much is the legacy of American assimilationism (even among religious Jews).

In any case, 2020 is when I started on my journey to deepen my understanding of old world Ashkenazi culture and history. I started with a day spent in the kids' section of the Yiddish Book Center using the beginner education resources there to start teaching myself Yiddish (I had a lot of familiarity because my extended family speaks it, but I didn't yet). About half a second later the pandemic started, and the chaos from that took all my attention for a while, but by the end of the summer I did a deep dive on my genealogy and spent two weeks tracking down documents and names and towns. At that point my family history was no longer abstract, and I started wondering more about what their lives were like in the old country.

I started watching Yiddish plays on zoom, including a production of the Dybbuk that I fell in love with. I got involved in the shtetlcore movement, which was a social media aesthetic fad that was basically the shtetl version of cottagecore. That spring the duolingo Yiddish course came out and I did a six month streak. The following winter I went to a virtual Yiddish conference. I went again two more times in person, and last summer I went to a week-long retreat where we were only allowed to speak Yiddish. I also do Yiddish drag and burlesque.

With this emphasis and knowledge it's hard for me to accept any framing that the only "right" place for Jews to live is Israel, or that diaspora cultures are lesser-than. At some point I encountered a belief among some zionists (though I don't think most believe this) that the Jewish people's differentiation into a myriad of different cultures was a bad thing, and constituted negatively picking up pieces of non-Jewish culture, and that it's good we're back together in Israel so we can become just one culture again. I obviously strongly disagree and I while I wish we had not had to experience the trauma of Khorban Beis Hamikdash and the ensuing displacement, I think the variety of different cultures we split into is beautiful.

Ironically, Israel is actually a place of great cultural exchange between those cultures. And yes, I do worry there will be cultural loss if everything blends together melting pot style, but that's more of a function of how societies work as opposed to official state policy. And I also think the Jewish subcultures will endure. Also the cultural loss is the fault of the Holocaust, the Soviet Union, and nationalist SWANA countries way way more than it is Israel's.

At this point I've come to view the idea that Zionism is detrimental to Jewish culture as weak, but I still am not a Zionist, and that's because the issue with Zionism is not that it harms Jews but that it harms Palestinians.

In early summer 2020, I, along with many other white people were called to reckon with the realities of white supremacy in the US, and our part in it, far more deeply than we had before. I learned to understand how racism functions as a pillar of the US's underpinnings, how white supremacy morphs to sustain itself, how I as an individual and Jews as a group were being used to maintain white supremacy. It fundamentally shifted how I view these topics and how I understand the way that states function.

It was impossible not to apply these concepts to Israel-Palestine. While it is obviously not a one-to-one comparison and I am frustrated with folks who seem to think it is, the concepts and analyses I learned in June 2020 were very elucidating in understanding Israel as a state, and how white supremacy and Jewish supremacy operate in Israel-Palestine.

One of those concepts is a deeper understanding of power dynamics and the oppressed-oppressor relationship. While that is not the be-all end-all, and it is still possible for an oppressed group to do harm and commit war crimes (as they did on Oct 7), it helped me understand the ways it makes no sense to view Palestinians and Israelis as equal parties or to view Palestinians as "the aggressor" as many zionists do. Riots are the language of the unheard and, yes, so is violence. Do not imagine that I excuse, condone, or celebrate Oct 7, but I understand why it happened.

These past seven months have forced a magnifying glass on Israel-Palestine and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about it. I have had many experiences and interactions that have illuminated different things to me, but I'll leave you with this one.

In 1956, a young man named Ro'i Rothberg was killed in Kibbutz Nahal Oz by Palestinians who lived in Gaza. Moshe Dayan came to give a eulogy and in it, he said:

Why should we declare their burning hatred for us? For eight years they have been sitting in the refugee camps in Gaza, and before their eyes we have been transforming the lands and the villages, where they and their fathers dwelt, into our estate.

Which is to say, he is stating point blank that the Nakba happened, and that Nahal Oz -- and in fact Israel -- is built on land that had been farmed and inhabited by Palestinians. The hasbarist canard of "we didn't steal their land" falls away when Moshe Dayan himself admits it, doesn't it?

He is acknowledging, also, that he understands why the people of Gaza are enraged, and why some of them express this rage as violence. He gives his solution: That the Israeli people, and especially the people of Nahal Oz, must always be on their guard. Must never become peaceniks and forget the rage of the people of Gaza. He says "we are a generation that settles the land and without the steel helmet and the cannon's maw, we will not be able to plant a tree and build a home."

His vision is of an Israel that is always militarized and militant, always on its guard, never to know peace. A people who will send their children to the army generation after generation after generation. Never to rest. Never to be able to lower their guard.

And that is awful! Not just for Palestinians, but for Israelis! Dayan lays out here that if the Nakba is not redressed, this will continue forever. He wants it to continue forever; I want the Nakba redressed.

He knew Nahal Oz would be attacked again. And he was right. On the morning of Simchat Torah of this year, 5784, twelve residents of the kibbutz were brutally murdered. A family that my family knows hid there in their bomb shelter for ten hours with their small children until they were rescued. The kibbutz was destroyed.

And Moshe Dayan knew it would happen, all the way back in 1956. And yet did nothing to change our trajectory. I cannot forgive him that.

In the months since the destruction of Nahal Oz, we have seen Gaza pummeled with a terrifying vengeance. For years I have encountered, albeit few and far between, people who have clammored for Gaza to be "turned into a parking lot." I was horrified by them, but did not take seriously the threat they represented. Yet now, their genocidal flowers have borne fruit. Gaza lies in ruins. 60% of the roads and infrastructure are destroyed. The descendants of refugees are refugees again, chased from their homes by the descendants of refugees. The live in tents, they scrabble for water and food. They live under threat of bombing, or being shot, or dying of illness and malnutrition.

And still Nahal Oz remains destroyed. The Jewish dead of Europe remain dead. The synagogues of Tunis and Algiers remain empty. Nothing is fixed, only more and more broken.

Is it to continue this way? Is this the world we want?

I say no. I say another world is possible. And on a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

#loon.txt #the ending line is by arundhati roy

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