#least he has his attic friend tho

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

[Robin kicked his textbook, launching it halfway across the attic in frustration] Clementine: Sorry, I was never good at math… Robin: It’s not-.. I can’t concentrate anyway. Robin: I hate being sucked into other people’s stupid heads! [Robin’s stomach still twisted from earlier and he clung to his temples, as though ripping his own head off might help] Clementine: I’d take it from you in a heartbeat if I could, darlin’. Robin: What’s it like to be dead..? Clementine: Oh, I’m not sure you should ask me. Robin: Why not? Clementine: Well, I’d say I feel just the same as before. Robin: But… Clementine: I’m still deceased? Robin: Yeah. Clementine: Most folk go somewhere else though, hm? Perhaps we should ask them. [Clementine poked Robin’s chest with mirth, her ghostly touch sending a shockwave of shivers down his spine] Robin: Hey! Quit doing that. Clementine: Come now, let me have a little fun! I don’t get much of it up here. Robin: So, come downstairs. Clementine: Oh, I simply couldn’t. Robin: I bet you can if you try, we could-… Clementine: I CAN’T! [Robin’s skin prickled as Clementine lost her temper, the pages of his abandoned textbook wafting ominously] Robin: Okay, okay! [Oscar’s distant yelling made Robin jump, cutting through the sudden tension like butter-.. dinner was ready] Clementine: You ought to take your dinner up here one day, your father’s cooking sounds delicious. Robin: I’ll bring you something for afters-.. you can look at it, I guess. [Clementine nodded, forcing a smile as Robin began his descent] Clementine: Disappointing. Robin: What? Clementine: Being dead, that’s what it feels like…

[xoalin4]

Childhood headcanons I imagine for nikto.

Again, this is pure what I imagine his childhood to be like, hence headcanon.

And therefore when I make a story of him or bot, I go with what I hc.

TW for: mentions of abuse, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, blood, bullying (is that even a tw?). If you are sensitive to any of that, do not read.

I like to think that he had a very abusive childhood, like severely.

His mother was a complete deadshit. Drug attic and straight alcoholic. Leaving bottles all over the shitty house he had to live in.

She smoked a lot also, the house never smelt of anything else but cigarettes. Also to say she was quite a whore.

She would call nikto stuff like ‘useless child’ ‘pathetic shit’ ‘mistake’ and all sorts of names. His mother just never liked him at all, said he ‘looks to much like his father’.

She would often get angry at him because he couldn’t get her more cigarettes/alcohol because he was too young to get it.

She would then repeatedly smack him in the back of the head and saying stuff like “good for nothing child! I knew I should have gotten rid of you the moment I found out I was pregnant!” Ect.

Not to mention his father, his father was straight evil. His mother he could deal with, as she wasn’t that strong and a woman.

Oh but his father, he dreaded when his father came home from work each day. Dreaded the weekends even more because his father would be in the house for those days.

It was bad enough that most of the time his father was butt-fuck drunk. Which made him even worse.

His father would often beat him till he coughed up blood, was a crying mess on the floor in his own blood. Had broken/bruised ribs and cuts all over his body.

He swears there wasn’t a moment In his life that he wasn’t limping around to go to school. Always in jumpers and long pants to hide his battered body.

He completely feared his father, utterly terrified of him. Especially since he couldn’t fight back then because he was just a child and his father was stronger than him.

And hated his father even more because he looked exactly like his father. The same pitch black hair (he has black hair, talk to the wall if you think I’m wrong) and same blue eyes with the same facial features.

And even at school, not even the kids there were nice. Always wanting a go at him because he was the ‘quiet kid’ in school. Which led to him getting into multiple fights in school and getting sent to the principals office.

He feared that the most, getting sent to the principals office, because he knew his father would be the first one to know. Which led to him getting another beating the moment he got home.

He ran away from home when he was 15, he just couldn’t do it anymore. Stayed with one of his friends (only) for a couple of days until he got a job and enough money to afford a scabby apartment.

With his life away from his parents, he had free will to do whatever. Which led to his friends showing him some stuff and bringing him places.

One of those places was a brothel, which is where he had his first time at 15. And he just found himself going back there at least once each week.

He loved sex, loved the feeling of a woman’s body and the look of it. Loved when some of the women would let him wrap his hand around their throat while he fucks them.

That became one of his sources to get relief and relax after a tiresome week. He never really liked it when a woman was on top of him, just felt wrong to him and made him feel weak, like when he couldn’t fight off his father from beating him. So he never really allowed them on top.

I do not know how old he was when he joined the military, tho I like to think he did when he was 21. Built his body up enough and just decided he didn’t want to be working that shit job for the rest of his life.

Well that’s it, bit harsh, yes? Man never had peace once in his life😞 unless he was balls deep inside a woman that is.

[dead-lights]

workout buddies

I built a little library in the attic of wolfsbane manor as a wedding present for Morgyn. They returned to their wholesome dynamic after getting married, and all has been well.

I stepped away from the Vatore household for like 5 minutes to check on the retired sages (Tess is now besties with the Grim Reaper after hanging out with him at the wedding - it's my favorite) and when I came back to Forgotten Hollow they'd adopted a cat. Welcome to the family, Hilda - she is a playful, cautious, glutton. She is very much Lilith's cat.

Lilith holds regular vampire club meetings at the manor. Morgyn actually hasn't been attacked before (tho Vlad bit Emilia at least once when I had both magic club and vampire club going on at the manor) but when Elle stumbled across the duplicate they'd summoned to clean up after all those messy vampires, she got a bit thirsty.

I felt kinda weird about that, given the origin of vampires. I wasn't sure if Caleb would be able to stop her, but given that he was standing right there, I figured he should try to intervene. He commanded her to leave. They're both grand masters so that was a bit of a gamble, but it worked!

I'm not sure exactly what happened, but Lilith managed to develop a somewhat positive relationship with Kristopher when I wasn't looking (he shows up at a lot of Morgyn's events). Given that they are both extremely buff, I had the brilliant idea to start an occult workout club. Rory, Kristopher, and Lilith are all pretty evenly matched physically so it seemed like a potentially fun idea.

It's called "We Aren't Friends," it meets at the Moonwood Mill library, and I invited a bunch of buff werewolves, Elle (in case Lilith needed someone to spar with) and Vlad.

regular football practice was great. Lilith and Rory actually ended up with a positive relationship, so I decided to up the difficulty.

Difficult football practice turned out to be a mistake, first with Rory and later with Kristopher. While the wolves were able to catch all of Lilith's throws, she got hit in the head every time. I stopped practice before their relationship dropped back into the red.

Eventually, the group made their way into the library gym, with Rory literally walking all over Kristopher.

For shame, Rory. Even Vlad's getting swol and you're just on your phone.

Watching Vlad flail at the punching bag with Kristopher and Rory in literal beast mode made me so happy :D And gotta love the vampire punching bag when there are 3 vampires in the room Rory could be punching instead.

When Vlad's noodle arms got tired, he went over to bother the alphas, possibly to remind Rory about how she promised to fuck him up if ever they met, possibly to throw a yo mama joke at Kristopher. Who can say.

this looks familiar... don't worry rory, that's just his vampire idling animation face, he's not attacking.

Caleb is not much of one for the heavy exercise, but he, Morgyn, and the cat came along as well. Morgyn loves libraries! Caleb took the opportunity to catch up with Lily. things are getting better! possibly because she doesn't recognize this gentle soul...

Lily seemed to be kinda tired by that point, and eventually she left the gym to hang out with Caleb and Morgyn in the books part of the library. For someone who was just in a room with Vlad Straud, she seems awful scared off that little kitty.

The club ended up being less dramatic than I'd expected. Everyone behaved, even Vlad. And while Caleb/Lily and Lilith/Rory aren't quite friends, a few days later I checked neighborhood stories...

YEAH. Tbh that's more surprising than if they'd just fought and sniped like I expected. Rory can't get along with Kristopher, but apparently Vlad is ok. Maybe they can beat Greg up together idk

[hajimeshoe]

Obey Me Brothers with a Teen!MC that just doesn’t give a damn.

Newest hyperfixation - Obey me bois

Lucifer

When MC's summoned they shows up and once the situation is explained just goes “Sounds good,”

Like, excuse me??? Repeat back everything I just said please “I’m here to attend an exchange program, surrounded by demons that think I’m a whole ass snack” “…” “Now where’s my room?”

At least they won’t have issues adjus- did they just bribe Mammon into making a pact with them?? And piss off Levi?? In the span of a week?

No, MC, you’ve nearly gotten eaten six times this week- GET DOWN FROM DIAVOLO’S SHOULDERS!

Well look at that, MC has a pet cat…oh fuck it ate the couch.

He has his hands full but bitch is too stubborn- sorry, Prideful, to just let this small human die.

And when they make a pact with him he’s just done with their bullshit.

Mammon

He has to babysit a child? Okay, at least they're not asking questions

Hey, give him his credit card back MC! And sTOP SELLING MY STUFF! No, I don’t care if I tried selling your stuff you brat!

By the end of the first week he’s THE big brother tho. MC wants to play pranks? Count him in. Sell a picture of Lucifer they edited to be shirtless? They’re splitting the money 50/50.

He just wishes MC would have some semblance of self-preservation, but nope. MC started a fight with a lower level wrath demon and cut their own hand to taunt it with their blood.

Mammon just threw them over his shoulder and bolted.

Can he just wrap MC in bubble wrap and lock them in the attic?? Please???

Leviathan

Who in their right mind let a normie child down here?

He doesn't like normies, he doesn't like children, so this one is lucky that Lucifer said they can't ea-

"Over 300 hours spent watching anime in my room, I spent 12 hours binging Devilman Crybaby, read all the manga of the anime I've watched plus some, and there was one I locked myself in my room for 2 weeks to binge an anime with over 1000 episodes"

His new bestie!

If MC would even want to be friends with a gross, yucky otaku like him

He will complain about this kid but he'll still abduct MC to binge anime in his room and to game with him

Especially once they have a pact

Satan

Pisses off Lucifer? Check. Gets angry and hits things? Check. Likes cats? Check.

Satan has a new little sibling

He doesn't immediately actually LIKE MC until the entire thing with Lucifer, but hey! He finds them amusing at least

And once he does actually like them and want to be their friend, he's essentially an older sibling to them. Pranks Lucifer, gets them an anti-lucifer league t-shirt, the whole nine yards.

100% straight up kills any demon MC gets in a fight with if they harm MC

Asmodeus

He's not some sort of pedo and you're a liiiiitle too young for him, so he does not flirt

He will, however, give beauty and skincare tips

Also he posts tons of pictures of you on his Devilgram

You're now his honorary baby sister, after all

He coos at you once you manage to summon him when Solomon lends you his magic

And he gets whiny when you get in fights with demons or do stupidly dangerous things because, “MC, you’ll get bruised!”

Beelzebub

Beel is worried

Who let a fragile, little, baby human in here?? You weren't even old enough to legally drink or live by yourself!

He is now your big brother and bodyguard

Has ended up dangling from a balcony by one hand, with the other holding onto one of your knees when he caught you when you decided to jump from it for fun once

He swore to never leave you unsupervised after that, especially not with mammon

And when Belphie killed you? He. Was. Distraught.

His twin killed their new little sibling, he was horrified and ready to cry

Belphegor

At first, he didn't care for you at all. Baby humans are just more gullible.

Then he was annoyed

His brothers rarely left you alone for more than a couple of seconds

Definitely not long enough to get you up the stairs

Once he eventually got you up the stairs? He was just counting down the hours until he could kill you

Even his own twin loved you? How could Beel.

Not to mention, you'd get into a fight with everyone

Belphie does feel bad about it eventually and then starts human preservation tactics:

Napping 🥰

After all, the human can’t

get hurt if they’re asleep, right?

[superanimepirate]

PJO TV Show Live Reactions Part 3

I'm out of Chocolate chip cookies, but I did have cereal and I'm ready for Medusa

Oh, and this is not spoiler free for the books and possible future TV show events

Oh the attic is creepy and the oracle is creepier I love it.

Ah Baby's first Quest and Oracle Visitation

Oh they didn't show the rest of the prophecy. Interesting? I'm not sure why exactly, I guess so we can find out later?

Oh he's actually choosing his companions. Oh he didn't wait for Annabeth that was cute.

Wait so Blackjack is just...at Camp? Does Luke steal him later?

Poor Grover on scooper duty. Of course Percy would choose him tho.

Oh! Ok there's the prophecy. He's worried about the friend betrayal. I don't if he thinks it will be Annabeth, since he had that little speech about trusting her to do what was needed to be done?

I love the Poseidon Cabin its so pretty! There's a water feature!

Oh. Hello. Luke

Oh I like the animation on the shows that's cute.

Oh. Yeah. I knew Percy was considering Luke. I'm so glad he chose Grover, who knows how that would have turned out. It...probably would be really bad actually.

Wait. Something I've never actually considered of before, can Grover talk to Thalia's spirit that's in the tree? Does the tree have a dryad? Don't all tree's have dryads? But Thalia's is a special tree. Huh.

Percy be nice! Before Annabeth smacks you lol, Thalia is a bit of a touchy subject, though I understand the comment of gods and saving Thalia.

Oh, we've cut out Argus?

Oh Annabeth is being difficult but it's kind of adorable. Grover...what are you doing? I mean, its adorable, but what?

Never split the party!

Hello old Mrs. Dodds. Annabeth, don't antagonize the fury

Oh, HoO foreshadowing?

Wait Percy, why bring the shoes in a box? Instead of wearing them or giving them to Grover?

"I didn't even know New Jersey had forests, but we found one!" Walker Scobell has somehow harvested the spirit of Percy Jackson, I fear he may be unstoppable

Pfft Oh Percy, you think you can just...call a goddess?

Grover the vegetarian is investigating someone cooking hamburgers on a Satyr path. Ok

Oh the statues actually look pretty cool

Hello again, Mrs Dodds

Oh, we've got her actually name now, cool. Hello Auntie Em. I'm really liking the actress already

Oh we aren't beating around the bush ok Hello Medusa

Ok, so far I'm loving this version of Medusa, but I wonder if we well get the meta commentary on how monsters take out grudges on the children of the gods, since she at least claims she won't do that to Annabeth. In this, did Annabeth get tormented by spiders

Annabeth, don't antagonize the gorgon

Medusa's story time! I'm glad they kept that she was a priestess for Athena, but they took out the screwing around in Athena's temple, or did I misunderstand that? Or maybe that's what Annabeth is talking about, calling her a liar? IDK there have been many versions of that story, including one that paints Poseidon in a very bad light and Athena in an even worse one so...

Oh, what are you offering Medusa? This is creepy and I love it

Creepy basement full of statues. Lovely

I'm not sure if I love or hate that Medusa is still beautiful in this instead of ugly

Oh the invisibility hat! That's smart!

Love that they used it against Alecto

But I'm still waiting for Percy to be Impertinent

Uncle Ferdinand! :(

Bury it in the basement? That's not impertinent. And would lose Annabeth her hat. Thank you Grover, they both need to hear this, I love Grover.

Ah, there it is. The betrayl line. It makes sense it would bother him during this quest.

Oh so Percy and Annabeth had monsters trying to turn them on eachother, is it Grover's turn? Will it be the Pink Poodle Gloriosa?

Ah. There's the impertinence. I love sending the head to Olympus, but I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about using that head against Gabe, he doesn't seem very abusive in this version, though abusers don't always go 100 % all the time so I guess we'll see

Percy is singing the song!!! These kids are too cute for this dangerous quest

Hermes! Oh are we going to see the delivery next episode? At least Hermes seems amused.

I like the ending song, and the credits still slaps

[rivalsforlife]

Sorry I saw joker p5 and I have to ramble. His case is so weird because imo he has so much more personality than the last two protags and the game is better for it, and you can see what they were going for, to the point where I sometimes even expected him to speak lmao but it never happens (in full sentences). And it's like. He's so well characterized that it's distracting when he's shoved into the dialogue-choice box for every single game. I want them to set him free. Still love him a lot tho

I haven't played p3 yet (watched a playthrough several years ago) but yeah joker definitely has more personality even within some of the dialogue options you could make. plus anime cutscene stuff. but it genuinely threw me off after the akechi boss fight when he has this "long" internal monologue (like five dialogue boxes) about how he was wondering if akechi was alright and if they were going to keep their promise to duel again and stuff like that because we DON'T get to see him think for himself all that much.

near the beginning of the game before you get morgana you have the option to sit on the sofa in the attic and he'll think a little bit for himself but then after you do get morgana when you sit on the couch morgana will just say his thoughts instead. and that really was a letdown for me.

it is a weird thing with persona I've been thinking about. he's not a protagonist like phoenix who is telling his story and you're just along for the ride. but it's also not like, say, pokemon or something, where You Are The Protagonist, pretty much completely, where your character is customizable to yourself and you also don't say anything the entire time. with persona you can name the guy after yourself but he's also got a bit of his own defined backstory but not enough for him to be his own guy entirely separate from the player.

like if I were to write a fanfic - AA is obviously something I'd find easy to write fanfiction about, and I have a concept of Phoenix in my mind as a character that I don't feel is more influenced by my own personal experience compared to other characters like Edgeworth or Maya. I wouldn't be able to write fanfic about something like Pokemon, or at least nothing containing the protagonist, because the protagonist doesn't really exist as a character and is just a vessel for the player to enjoy the story, and their character is entirely personal experience.

p5 joker has enough of a personality that he's clearly Not Me and has enough relationships with the other characters that it would be feasible for me to write a fanfic involving him, but it would be hard to do anything particularly interesting for his character because so much of it is up to personal interpretation and my canon purist tendencies are too bad to overlook that. like so many aspects of his life including his relationships with his friends is ultimately down to the player's decision. I would struggle to figure out how to write his voice when he has so few options where he can Speak His Own Mind or whatever. or like what a conversation between him and another character would be like that isn't completely one-sided. and I'd have absolutely no idea how to tell if anything would be in character for him! if that makes sense. that's where I keep getting stuck on with him where he's clearly so important and significant to the other characters but also while there being not enough there for me to really recognize why him in particular.

(which you could do interesting stuff conceptually with I'm sure but in game it comes off as odd sometimes. hey we've talked five times and it was mostly my own monologue. let me trauma dump in the bath to you.)

like you said there's something there that he could work in a story that like AA would have the protagonist as a fully realized character. and I would like to see that. it's the weird blend of actual character and self-insert that catches me off guard. I get why, it's a video game, but still.

[radchoco]

Can't Read Your Mind - Comic rant

I'm not the best at writing & character stuff so If I accidentally made Belphegor act out of character, my bad!

And it's also been 298384 years since I read chapter 16 & belphie's attic arc in general, but I just had to make a comic cause I can't stop thinking about all the little moments Belphegor & MC had before chapter 16 started. I'm sure they had long talks about everything, despite Belphegor's manipulation. From what I do remember, the MC isn't stupid, they had thoughts that Belphegor was the missing brother just from photos around the house and the brothers themselves talking about him when Lucifer isn't around.

Also, I headcanon where Belphegor is additionally sending MC half naked illusions of him to convince them to keep coming is 99% manipulation cause they know we're a horny loser XDDD and 1% out of Belphegor's sexual frustration from being in the attic for so long. AND part of the 1% that he's slowly liking MC the more they talk. Despite the fact he hates that he's falling in love with a human just like his twin sister did. Like the moment I get better at writing and probably when I talk to my one friend who's a big Belphegor nerd, this will be developed more!! (Though I do want more Belphegor/Obey me friends tho!!!)

But I'm struggling with how to write this because obviously Lucifer is either limiting these talks or at least can tell when MC is going to the attic a lot. Belphie Arc is very bits and holes when I try to remember it all.

it also shows a peek inside Charxa's mind and how her past trauma affected how she doesn't help others as much because of it. It kinda has to do with the fact she doesn't know how to help herself properly so she's really awkward when it comes to others.

UGHHH YALL IF I WAS A BEAST AT WRITING, THE IDEAS I HAVE FOR CHARXA AND BELPHIE'S DYNAMICS!!! LIKE,,,,,,I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS YALL. I have a whole notebook of sht I wanna do for them toooo,,,,

[dragoninahumancostume]

Okay I had this weird ass dream and I don't wanna forget

I was with my mom and she was driving my grandma's (my dad's mother) car bc my dad stayed mom (my mom can't drive tho) and we went to my grandma's house, and Idk what was going but we were like entering the place and we have these gates (except those gates are on my house, my grandma's house doesn't have them) and so we were going in and there was this red car trying to get in too but the guy had a red mask covering his face and he was talking on the phone so he bumped our car like three times and obviusly my mom was pissed, we get past the gates but the red car is right behind us and he parks it like right in front of the gates (that is not a place where you should park your car) and he enters the cabin of the guys that open and close the gate (meaning that he was one of those guys and he worked there) and he still had the mask.

So we are now on my grandma's house, but it's only my mom my grandma and me, me on the chair I always sit on when I visit, my mom to my right and my grandma to my left (my mom sits on the chair to my left when she visits) and I think they were talking about wool or smth and my grandma was like "and she said that it was open, and I told her they don't open on Sundays, and she went and it was open" I wasn't paying much attention bc I was pissed at the red car guy. Also Maniac by stray kids is playing on the TV so I'm tiny dancing to it while my mom laughs that I actually learned the choreography (a nice laugh, not a mocking one)

Then they was somewhere else. I was on my grandma's living room, dancing probably, and it's nighttime, I look outside the glass door that leads to the garden and I see a face over the wall of the garden, and I try to take a better look at it and it was one of my language teachers, but I was like naked or at least on underwear (for some reason) so I dropped to the floor hugged my legs and hoped she'd go away and stop looking at me bc the wall is really high and that meant she was looking on purpose (that teacher is always nice and chill irl tho)

Then my grandma comes in sees me on the floor and Idk what happened with that.

THEN I'm not me anymore, I see stray kids talking with Billie Eilish while she's on a bed I think, but she was on pajamas or smth (a light purple loose short sleeves shirt that reached to right below her knees, she wasn't wearing pants). They seemed to be friends. Then I'm on the MANIAC Mv??? And stray kids was singing obviusly, but I see the Mv and I remember the song and I see them dancing. Then I see Billie and she's like on a poorly lit room made of dark wood (yesterday I was looking up some wood types, so I'm guessing it was ebony wood) but also it somehow looked like rusty metal.

Now we're on another room, Billie (at this point I can't tell the difference of if I am Billie or if I'm just an spectator of the events) is running on stairs running away from someone that was black and gray and had a hat, kind of like if Sun was Dr Facilier. And she's running upstairs bc apparently the guy is terrifying for her (I probably was her since I was terrified too), and then she reaches a sort of attic but it has unstable floor and some parts aren't floor they're just a hanging bridge with no handrail and it's probably hanging in the air. And there are a bunch of kids that have been with her for like one or two floors and now they're all on the attic. The guy is like floating around us, and he has a toy on his hand. Maniac was still playing on the background, and I think I heard some kids singing, the music sometimes fades out for a moment but comes back immediately. The guy shows us the toy to go grab it, I'm right in front of the bridge, I take a step forward, then five back after realizing it doesn't stand my weight and that I have no support at all if I fall (there was no visible floor below the bridge or the attic in general, just darkness). I stop the kids from trying to walk on the bridge as the guy waves the toy

I have no idea what happened after that, I either forgot or woke up right after that

[moemoemammon]

Ok, ok, brothers and Dia's reactions if MC had been summoned from a furry convention. Full suit, badges, and everything!

Furry Mode

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

......

Lucifer has never been more grateful for the fact that this meeting didn't have a large audience. The suit... the merchandise under your arms... the sweat clinging to your face after you removed your surprisingly well made head.....

He's the one who picked you from the pile of profiles and honestly? Lowkey regretting it now... He's got nothing against your hobby, considering Levi is his brother, but wHAT'S WITH THIS COMEDIC TIMING

Stuck between profusely apologizing to the Demon Lord and deciding on a location to bury that suit of yours-

Mammon

Mammon has never flinched so hard in his gotdamn LIFE. He thought the new exchange student was supposed to be HUMAN! So what's with this oversized cat?!

Wait... that's a SUIT?! What kinda freaky hobby did they catch you in the middle of?! He's not sure if he should laugh, or freak out...

Er... so long as you keep yourself at least ten feet away, Mammon's a-ok! Much more content when the suit is OFF though, for personal reasons. He'll never get the image of your huge feline eyes out of his brain....

When he warms up to the idea though, he doesn't think it's all that bad! Uh, you're not getting him in a suit though. But you're welcomed to do what ya want! He kinda wants to see how Cerberus would react to your costume-

Levi

LMAOOOOOO THIS IS GOING ON DEVILGRAM

Seriously, he can't get enough of the look on everyone's faces! But it's not like he expected a room full of normies to know a furry when they saw one.

He's a little excited though. Could this mean you're also... a degenerate?! An outcast of society, just like he is?!?! His first friend from the human world....

Casually stalking you hoping you'll talk to him first. Or maybe he could slide a copy of the TSL audiobook toward you and judge your reaction? M-maybe he won't have to be the only person with interesting hobbies in the house... 👉👈

Satan

HEY IS THAT A C AT-

Extremely interested for the first two seconds, until you remove your head and... aw man, just a human 😔😔😔

Still... there's no denying that he's enamored with your cat suit. All cats are cute to Satan, no exceptions. That being said please put it back on thanks-

May or may not ask you exactly 10000 questions about the furry community, conventions, and how discreet they tend to be. For uh, no reason in particular? Of course. Anyway, no one will know your identity under that suit, right?

Asmo

Hey, everyone's got their thing and he won't judge! And he can't be mad at you for wearing such a well-made suit! It might not be his cup of tea, but you make it work, more or less!

He also has an extensive collection of products that help with chafing and sweating, so hit him up if you're interested~!

But you know what would be MUCH more charming? A scanty cat outfit! Compete with lingerie, adorable cat ears, and your choice of a tail~! Though if you let HIM choose the tail, he'll definitely go with the one that-

*arrested for horny crimes*

Beel

Pretty sure Diavolo was supposed to bring in the new student, and not lunch?? But hey, Beel's not picky. He's never eaten a giant cat before 🍴

Wait, you're saying that's the human?? Does that mean he can still chow down or no-

Beel is pretty indifferent about your striking hobby. Maybe he just lost interest when he found out you weren't a giant edible monster?

You're lucky tho... the fangol team has replaced one too many mascots because Beel tends to forget the difference between a costume and a living creature...

Belphie

Thank god he was in the attic lmao. Belphie would've thought he was having a fever dream and would've promptly retired for the rest of the afternoon. After laughing for ten years, of course.

Why didn't Satan record the entire thing?! He can only imagine the look on Diavolo and Lucifer's faces when you popped up like that! Haaah, he wishes he was there... Wait, Levi's got it on video? BET.

That doesn't mean he's spared from walking in on you in full suit, though. At first he started reconsidering that whole 'killing the human race thing', then he discovered your suit is actually... pretty soft...

Don't tell anyone about this but please hug him for a little while ok but seriously don't tell anyone he'll kill you he means it MC he'll do it

Diavolo

Haha! Wait what-

Last he checked humans don't have?? Fur and?? Cartoonishly large eyes?? Would it be inappropriate to pet you? 🤔 Probably...

After Barbatos whispers in his ear, Dia realizes that you aren't some kind of cat monster sent here by accident. Good! But what an interesting hobby you have! Are all humans like this

Most likely to be influenced by furry propaganda and probably converted-

[anenbylittlepotato]

What are the reactions of the demon brothers to MC's pet bunny who gives bunny kisses to the brothers?

Aww, this is so cute! 🥺

The Demon Bros with MC's Pet Bunny

Lucifer

When he first sees MC's bunny he just groans. He has to take care of a human and a bunny now?! Why doesn't Diavolo tell him these things?!

He just sighs and takes a moment to make peace with the fact that he'll just have to buy bunny food for the next year... Right...?

NOPE. Turns out taking care of a bunny is much more work than it seems, as MC explains to him. Great...

So uh... Yeah, safe to say that he has nothing but burning hatred for this bunny at first. Stop causing him so much more work dammit.

But honestly, who could conceivably stay mad at a bunny for long? They're so round and soft and fluffy and adorable. Even Lucifer, the almighty himself, isn't immune to a bunny's charms.

Eventually, the tiny little thing grows on him. He never lets any of his brothers see, but he'll occasionally slip the bunny a little treat or two, and sometimes he'll set the bunny on his desk while he works so he can reach over and pet her occasionally. And one time when he was sitting on the couch while his brothers were away and he was so stressed out to the point that he was almost tempted to bash his head against a wall, the little thing came up to him and just??? Puts her tiny little paws on his foot??? And looked up at him with those big round eyes, nose twitching and ears perked??? Almost like she was concerned for him??? Oh, he's in love. Now every time he's stressed out like that, he seeks out your bunny for comfort.

But then??? One day??? The bunny??? Gives him little bunny kisses??? Oh, he melts. This man is fucking putty. He's weak.

Please, this man loves your bunny. But of course, he never shows it around his brothers. And he rarely shows it around you. It's just a him and the bunny thing. No one else needs to know.

Mammon

The moment this man sees your bunny for the first time he's in love. Love at first sight is real, my dudes.

But she's just so??? Small??? And round??? And fluffy??? And cute??? How could you NOT love such a thing, honestly?

He still complains when he has to take care of you, but he's still really excited about your bunny.

This man,,, spoils the hell out of your bunny. He's constantly smothering her with love, and he constantly gives her little treats and gives her carrots and lettuce and any little snacks that she likes. And he lets her up on the couch and he holds her in his lap. He's adopted your bunny. That's his bunny now.

And when the bunny gives him little bunny kisses? He's dead. His heart spontaneously combusts right then and there. He didn't think he could love this bunny any more than he did, but then it happened. Please, bunny, you're going to be the death of him.

He definitely doesn't let his brothers see how much he loves this bunny though. He knows they would endlessly hound on him for it.

Leviathan

Honestly? He's definitely not very fond of your bunny when he first sees her. Sorry, but he's much more privy to reptilian and aquatic animals. Land mammals aren't really his thing.

They're just so... Weird to him, honestly. Those big weird eyes, the fact that they're completely covered in fuzz as if they're a moldy piece of food, their weird nails and their weird little noses. They freak him out.

So yeah, definitely not a fan of the bunny. He avoids her at all costs. Every time the bunny comes near him or touches him in any way, he's immediately in his demon form and leaps to the other side of the room, moving faster than anyone's ever seen him move in his life. Get that thing away from him-

His brothers find this so damn amusing. Especially Mammon. Mammon constantly pulls pranks on Levi that involve the bunny (though, of course, bunny-safe pranks, he doesn't want it getting hurt-) and teases him relentlessly about it.

One day you go over to Levi and gently try to convince Levi to at least try to bond with your bunny. It takes a lot of convincing and bribing, but he finally agrees. So you take him over to the bunny and sit down in front of her with him. Levi is shaking like a fucking leaf as you grab his arm and hold it out to the bunny. He jumps and lets out a small yelp as the bunny steps forward to sniff his hand. And he's whimpering and shaking when the bunny moves even closer to him and???? Climbs into his lap??? He's he is frozen with fear at this point. He doesn't know what to do, MC, help him. When you tell him the bunny likes him, he just really shook. It likes him??? A yucky, gross otaku like him???

And then, when it gives him bunny kisses???? MC has to explain what it's doing but when he understands he's just??? In shock.

There's no way he could hate the bunny after that. He finds solidarity with the bunny after that.

Satan

Satan is a cat person, through and through. However, this absolutely does not mean he'll stick up his nose to other furry, four-legged friends. Quite the contrary, he likes them too. Make no mistake, cats are and always will be his go-to, but that he still likes other animals too. He's flexible with his love.

So, safe to say, when he sees your bunny, he gets quite excited. Are you gonna help him annoy Lucifer, little girl? Are you?

He's also really excited to use all of his reading knowledge to help take care of the bunny. He knows exactly what the bunny needs and helps you pick out the things that would be best for her.

Sometimes, when he's reading, your bunny will walk up to him and, without looking up from his book, he'll reach over and gently stroke her ears. Though he has to keep the bunny out of his room because she loves to nibble the books.

He doesn't really care about letting his brothers know he likes the bunny. He's not embarrassed by his love of animals.

Asmodeus

He adores your bunny. She's just so cute! Though don't put her on him, it'll get hair on his new outfit!

This man takes so many Devilgram pics of and with this bunny. His fans love her! And he even gets cute little outfits for her! And he grooms her soft fur and gives her cute little bows! One day he tried to give her a bath, not knowing the dangers. Luckily, MC and Satan managed to stop him before it was too late. Please don't bathe your bunnies in water unless your vet tells you to, it's very bad for them

Seriously tho, this man gives your bunny some little bunny spa days. He pampers your bunny. Asmo, please, she doesn't need her nails painted, she's a bunny. And did... Did you seriously put cucumbers on her eyes??? She's gonna eat them-

But when she gives him bunny kisses? Oh, she's so cute, oh my goodness! He absolutely has to get as many pictures of this moment as he can! It's just too precious not to post all over Devilgram! His fans are going to adore this!! And he was right, too, as it ends up being one of his most popular posts.

And he's never been shy about showing his affections toward you around others why would he be shy about showing affection to your bunny?

Beelzebub

When he first saw her, he may or may not have thought about eating her-

But don't worry, he managed to resist.

Honestly, he doesn't really mind the bunny too much aside from the occasional thought about eating her. He never really pays much attention to her at first except when he's really hungry.

But as he gets closer to you and starts spending more time with her in turn, and he comes to like her. She's really cute. Just like you!

Sometimes she'll come up to him while he's eating and he'll drop her the occasional leaf or carrot piece. And she really likes to crawl into his lap and just peek out at everyone. And he really likes to touch her soft fur. Sometimes the bunny follows him around. I think she feels safest with him out of all of the brothers. Which... Fair enough, honestly.

And when she gave him bunny kisses? Oh, the little large pure boi was so happy and excited. MC, look, she likes him!! Are you looking, MC?

He's never been the most secretive when it comes to his feelings, so he doesn't really mind showing affection to the bunny around his brothers.

Belphegor

Haha, he's in the attic what are you talking about-

Nah, nah, jk, he still sees your bunny after he's out of the attic.

And honestly, he's chill with her. He literally doesn't care that much.

Though he does like how soft her fur is... Do you wanna be one of his nap buddies, little bunny?

Apparently, the answer is yes because whenever Belphie is taking a nap, she hops over and makes herself comfortable beside him. Hey, he's not complaining one bit. She's soft and that's all that matters. Actually, whenever the bunny wants to sleep, she wanders over to Belphie and settles down beside him. She seems to see him as just as much of a good nap buddy as he does to her.

And when she gives him little bunny kisses? Honestly, he's more surprised than anything. He does think it's cute, sure, but he kinda just blinks at her a few times in surprise. Then he chuckles a little and pets her head.

And this man couldn't possibly care less about showing affection towards the bunny around his brothers. He gives zero fucks.

==

That took way longer to write than it should have. It probably would have been done faster if I had the ability to not procrastinate 😔

[cdroloisms]

Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?

aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*

phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao) 

tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault

When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.

“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.

At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.

“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”

“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”

“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”

“Mate-”

Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.

“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“

“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”

‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.

“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.

“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”

“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”

Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“

“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”

“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”

Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”

Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.

“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.

The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.

“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.

“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.

“That seems like an understatement.”

“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.

“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”

Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.

“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”

The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.

Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.

“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”

“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“

“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”

Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.

“Hey.”

Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.

“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”

Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.

“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”

Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.

Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.

“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”

Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.

“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[giaourtopita]

Hello! I’m a sucker for that sweet angst and I’m sorry in advance!😭So can I request the brothers with an Mc who has a few months to live because of an illness they were born with? How do they send their time with Mc? How do they react when Mc dies?

mc dies due to a congenital disease

first of all, thank you for requesting!! i didn't really expect a request tbh. and i really hope i did this justice, i even started listening to a sad playlist to get even more in the mood to write this!! i hope you'll like it <333

warnings; gn mc, angst, death, unhealthy habits, sad just so sad, slight medical talk, alcohol used as a coping mechanism but not to an unhealthy amount, lesson 35-36 spoilers in asmo's and beel's part, lesson 16 spoilers in belphie's part.

(first of all i would like to say that none of them would react well but all of them would try to spend as much time as possible with mc)

lucifer

- would not believe them at first, he would think this is just belphie and satan playing a sick joke on him.

- believes it only after seeing the mc talking to doctors and trying to find a course of treatment.

- throws himself into work, trying to convince himself the situation will resolve itself.

- once he comes to term with it, he would try to spend as much time as possible with them

- he would take them to as many new places he can, and try to give them many new experiences before it happens.

- would even ask barbatos if he can go back in time to find them a cure.

- when the inevitable happens he thinks his father is the one to blame, it's his fault for everything. them falling, lilith dying and now this. "why can't he just leave us alone?".

- throws himself into work again but only this time he's working so hard his brothers and friends had to talk some sense to him.

- diavolo gives him some time to pull himself together, and because he has so much time on his hands, he locks himself in the comfort of his room and drinks to feel just so he can stop feeling for a little while.

- only gets better when he sees mammon trying to take care of him and be responsible with money and around the house.

mammon

- "mc you're joking right? you're my human, you can't die! ya hear me?"

- he would be attached at the mc's hips. even starts staying in their room to watch them.

- acts like he's fine when they're around but when he's alone he gets overwhelmed, he can't imagine how his life will be after mc is gone.

- also gets mad at his father "why do you hate us so much?" *he yells at the sky while sobbing*

-he's so frustrated with this situation because who will be nice to him when mc is gone?

- will try to get the witches to help him but it's a lost cause, there's no cure magical or not.

- when it happens, he blames himself. he blames himself because he failed to help them, even tho they always helped him.

- his scheming will get insufferable, he will try to get as much grimm as he can so he can buy things that remind him of the mc.

- he hoards all those things he buys all around the house actually. and if anyone anyone tries to throw those things away he gets agitated and turns into his demon form to fight them.

- will get better once he sees levi trying to pick all the things mammon left in his room.

leviathan

- "what? why? no, you can't die! stupid normie, you can't just leave me all alone like that" ... "we need more time!"

- he feels useless because there's nothing he can do, "the lord of shadows would have find a way to help his henry".

- hates it when his brothers take away the mc from him and starts throwing tantrums when they're not around, the rest of the brothers can't imagine how it will be in the future.

- tries to go outside more with them so he has memories with them that don't include sitting in his room and watching anime, those times he went outside he actually appreciated being there.

- also makes them stay in his room, they sleep in his arms and he starts sleeping in his demon form, wrapping his tail around the mc so they can't go anywhere, he knows this is pointless.

- still tries to watch as much anime as possible but when a character he likes dies, he finds himself sobbing like a baby not because he's sad for the character but because he knows this will happen to his henry.

- when they pass away he feels numb, he did all the crying when they were still there with him, he becomes an even bigger shut-in doesn't want to meet any new people especially not humans, not because he hates them but because they remind him of the mc.

- the only reason he leaves his room is to go swimming, he does that even more than he used to. his younger brothers were worried but lucifer thinks this is a healthier alternative to anything else he could do.

- is so angry at his father that he threatens war to the celestial realm using the devildom's navy.

- only got better when lucifer tried to reason him, he knows the mc wouldn't want him to do that but he doesn't know what else to do or how to mourn the human.

satan

- does not believe them, they look healthy to him so what are they talking about?? only believes them when they start talking about symptoms or he sees the symptoms himself.

- starts looking for a magical remedy to make them feel better, or even a cure. but it's no use, he can't find anything helpful other than pain relief magic. he even asks solomon but he wasn't able to give him something useful to work with.

- reads to them books about characters who feel how he feels because he can't bring himself to actually tell them how awful he is feeling.

- tries to spend as much time as possible with them even if it's for the silliest, most insignificant things there are.

- is barely able to keep himself together, he gets agitated by the smallest things you can imagine.

- after their death he feels as if a big part of his identity vanished, he feels how he used to feel about himself before he made up with lucifer and he hates that.

- going to a cat cafe or a library don't cheer him up as much as they used to, he just wishes to be with them and nothing else.

- is angry at himself and at god. he's angry at himself because even tho he knows so many things he wasn't able to save them and he's angry at god because everything is his fault.

- asmo suggests he writes a book about them and their shared memories, since he loved them and he loves books satan finds this idea excellent, however it doesn't help much because whenever he starts writing he gets so into it that he neglects himself.

- is able to kinda pull himself together when he sees lucifer bringing him a cat for emotional support, they both know this is not a permanent solution but it will help him cope for now.

asmodeus

minor lesson 35 spoiler!!

- "what?? no no no!! this isn't happening mc!! we will find a solution i promise!"

- asks solomon and his fans to help but there's nothing they can do to help.

- buys them as many pretty outfits he can and takes photos of them to remember.

- is actually the first one to accept what is going to happen, after all he's used to losing the people that he loves, some leave due to jealousy and others die.

- does even more sleepovers in his room with the mc so they can have lots of fun together, even if this situation is very sad he tries to be positive and make the best memories he can with them

- though he still looks cheerful, he's so sad internally he doesn't know what to do after his mc is gone. he feels as if he won't be the same without them because he's one of the very few people who didn't care about his looks and loved him for him, he will miss this feeling so much that he's trying cling onto it as much as time allows him to.

- after it happens, he is also numb. not because he grieved before they died but because he tries to shut down his feelings by indulging in his sin, going clubbing and spoiling himself even more than before.

- though none if the above are as fun now that he can't do them with them, he gets to the point where he stops listening to lucifer and starts talking to everyone in a sarcastic tone.

- clings to solomon because even though he knows that solomon can't die, he can't help but feel like he needs to. solomon was able to talk some sense to him after lucifer told him about his behaviour. gets better when his brothers start aggressively pointing out his awful behaviour and how much they care about him and his well-being.

beelzebub

lesson 36 spoiler!!

- "NO! this can't be happening again! you stole lilith from us and now you're doing it again with mc!" *is sobbing while yelling*

- will also camp in their room to watch them and spend time with them.

- will take them to every single one of his games, and will try to take as many pictures as possible.

- takes them to every restaurant he knows of and makes them do taste testing, he notes everything they like in a cookbook, filled with every food the mc likes, and makes it for them when they're hungry.

- sad that there's nothing he can do to help and even sadder that mc was always able to help him when he needed to.

- feels guilty about this situation because mc had to use their life essence, their already limited amount of time, to save his life.

- he cuddles them to sleep, but most of the time it's not because they need it. he actually does it because he needs it and mc knows this.

- when mc passes away he goes out of control, always going on a rampage when someone from his team mentions how he's a free demon without a pact now, he misses mc so much.

- he is constantly in a bad mood and sometimes he's so sad that he forgets to eat even if he's starving.

- only starts to pull himself together when belphie tries to take care of him by cooking and forcing him to eat when he doesn't at least try to eat the most important meals of the day.

belphegor

lesson 16 spoiler!!

- "did lucifer made you say this? i know our last prank was a bit over the top but this is inappropriate" mc explains to him while showing him their test results.

- drags them to attic and cuddles them while yelling and sobbing, not wanting to believe it.

- he would stay awake more than his normal self so they can spend more time together, even if it's just cuddling or talking.

- he tries to find a spell to at least make them live a little longer, but it's hopeless there's nothing he can do.

- also feels guilty, not only does mc get to experience their death for the second time but so do his brothers.

- clings onto them as much as he can.

- when they die it's like he falls into a coma, when people try to wake him up he doesn't even flinch it's like he wants to be in a coma.

- has made it so that he gets such vivid dreams that he can visit mc in them and that's the reason he won't wake up.

- wakes up when he hears beel cry about him, mc and lilith. tries to get over it for beel.

[likeshipsonthesea]

dex, team bicycle

the following bullet fic has been in my drafts for over a year now and tonight i remembered it existed, read it, and decided to post it. why? who knows. don’t ask questions. just ~enjoy~

so i got an ask about how anon trusts me implicitly when it comes to writing bc they believe that dex is the team bicycle and eventually ends up with nursey and thinks i’m down with that too and tbh they ain’t wrong so like

here’s a bullet fic instead of me doing any of the work i SHOULD REALLY FUCKING BE DOING okie

first things first here’s the dealio this is crack-ish but also not so crackish that my dumbass couldn’t see it happening so let’s just suspend some disbelief and have a good time

first time dex hooks up with a teammate it’s not at a kegster

maybe a little later he’s a little too tipsy at a kegster not really knowing his own tolerance for tub juice yet and he’s dancing, a little more white boy than maybe one would like but he’s having fun with it and that’s half the game, and he’s sweaty and maybe some glitter from other dancers has rubbed off on him and he’s glittery and shining and he catches someone’s eye across the room (holster, i’m thinking holster) and holster sees him and thinks fuck and dex is maybe really into how big holster is and just like follows him up to the attic when holster grabs his wrist and pulls because why not--

but this is not about that (at least not yet) this is about how dex, new to samwell and ncaa hockey and everything, wants to be the best he can be in everything so naturally he goes to the best person to help him with every thing (for school he gets tutors and goes to tutorials and goes to all the profs’ office hours, for social stuff maybe he trails ransom around idk (that’s for later)) but for hockey he obviously goes to the person you go to when you need help with hockey

jack

LOOK OKAY I GET IT ZIMBITS FOR LIFE BUT HEAR ME OUT

jack likes hockey. jack likes people who like hockey. jack likes when people are really into hockey

so when the little angery frog that seemed real appreciative of his butt on hazeapalooza comes to him with this frowny face determination asking how he can be the best player he can be, a part of jack’s brain that’s very quiet and seldom acknowledged goes “huh.”

and maybe they start meeting up for their own practices, practicing drills and plays so dex can get his speed up and reaction time down and just get better and jack’s benefiting from it too in a way, like trying to help a defensive player makes him have to switch up his thinking about things a bit and it’s helping his defensive play on the ice

and so this goes on for a bit and maybe they build up some inside jokes in between all the intensity and maybe there’s some playful moments in the locker room when they bump arms or throw a few chirps around and it’s cute okay and not too serious, jack isn’t in love with the kid (he’s a kid, lord, okay a lil problematic but if y’all know anything about my oc luke dex has Problems with Authority figures so whatever)

but the truth is jack doesn’t really have many people he’d be comfortable “relieving some stress” with, like there’s shitty but he’s ridiculously straight, and Camila went and got herself a girlfriend so that’s no longer a thing, and dex is there and eager and fun and

and long story short they end up fucking in the locker room oops

it doesn’t happen too many times after that, maybe once on a roadie, a few times at the haus. it’s fun, not in a laughing way or whatever, but it’s casual and it’s nice to get off and it doesn’t make jack any more anxious and dex is probably working through some issues he has with tall dark haired captains and they both get something good out of it, which is the point, anyway

and it ends maybe before winter break, either jack decides to focus on the nhl and his thesis and dex totally understands or dex realizes that maybe his thing with dark haired captains isn’t completely healthy and ends things but either way it’s nbd and no one on the team ever really knows, though it’s not like they lie about it either but who’s gonna ask, right?

and so dex and jack were fuckbuddies. for a time. noice.

now let’s return to that kegster scene, hmm?

so the way i picture it is dex hooks up with holster at a kegster, realizes it probably wasn’t the smartest idea he’s ever had but doesn’t completely freak out because holster’s a relaxed kind of guy, dex is sure it won’t get nuts

meanwhile holster wakes up freaking out because he just fucked ransom’s frog and that is so not cool so then he panics and avoids ransom and dex for like a week and then decides okay okay it’s not a big deal he just won’t tell anyone, it won;t happen again, it’s fine

and then he walks in on dex hooking up with ransom and he’s like Wow Okay So the Fine Thing Didn’t Work Out Huh

turns out while holster was freaking out ransom was really mopey about it and dex, not really knowing how to fix it, tried to comfort him and ended up... in bed

look this version of dex is a little thotty and knows like two ways of comforting people and he didn’t think getting drunk in the middle of the day was a good idea

and so long story short after some brief HUHs going around dex ends up hooking up with both ransom and holster for a bit (sometimes both at once!) and eventually the both-at-once-stuff makes ransom and holster actually acknowledge the feelings they’ve mostly been ignoring since their frog year and they explain this to dex who’s like okie bc he’s really only there bc they’re both hot and so ransom and holster get together and dex sometimes helps them out on date nights and that’s about it

lbr tho they never tell anyone how they actually got together bc they would never live it down so they say nothing and dex doesn’t either bc it’s not his relationship and the world goes on never knowing

so now we’re getting into the middle of spring term dex’s frog year and he’s kind of maybe sort of acknowledged that he has some kind of emotions about nursey that aren’t helpful so he’s attempting to repress real hard, but he’s also learning to repress less about other things, specifically his enjoyment of baking.

yup. you guessed it.

Bitty.

so he starts helping bitty in the kitchen A Lot, and sometimes they talk and sometimes they don’t and sometimes they talk about important things but most of the time they don’t, but at this stage in bitty’s life he is crushing very hard on a certain dark haired captain and that’s kind of really apparent in, like, everything he does so it takes dex maybe two weeks to realize what’s going on

and okay so it’s a little awkward bc 1-the fuckbuddies thing but also bc 2-dex knows how it feels to have feelings for a friend and it kind of sucks like a lot and he wants to make bitty feel better and yeah maybe this is another case of dex being bad at comforting people with his clothes on

but maybe also one day they’re talking about relationships/being gay idk something and bitty maybe casually (southern euphemistically) mentions that he’s never, erm, never quite, uh, never  done the dirty with a boy and maybe he sounds a lil embarassed about it idk and dex’s I Can Fix That brain switches on and he says, “I can help.”

and bitty’s like. what.

dex blushes and clears his throat and says it again. “i can help. i’ve, uh, done it before, and i can, like. show you.” then he pauses and, very uncasually, says, “casually.”

bitty, also pink at his point because he’s a sweet southern boy who doesn’t speak of such things, asks, “you’d be willing to do that?”

dex nods. he does not say that he’s done something like that before. he very pointedly does not say that.

and bitty, well, he’s pining and he’s been at college for a year and a half and the most action he’s ever gotten was with that boy who puked on his shoes and, you know, he came to samwell so that he could be who he is and maybe this is a way he can prove to himself that he is being true to himself.

it also doesn’t hurt that dex is v pretty, okay, bitty loves a boy with big shoulders and freckles.

and so dex and bitty start hooking up.

it’s somewhat like my The Arrangement fic where dex is sort of “showing bitty the ropes” but bitty, lbr, he’s a quick learner and he did his research so it very quickly just becomes hooking up for the sake of it

and it’s good. like. really good and both of them are benefiting from having someone to escape from their ~feelings~ in and bitty’s more comfortable in sexuality (like, his sexuality not his gayness ya feel me?) and everyone’s having a great time

then they lose the playoffs and emotions run high and bitty realizes how decimated he’s going to be by jack leaving and they don’t really have a conversation about it (let’s be real, neither of these boys talk about their feelings, at least not at this point) but dex goes home that summer with the understanding that he and bitty are no longer doing the thing, and that’s okay with him, really, because maybe now his feelings for nursey are becoming More of A Thing Than He Was Hoping They Would

of course bitty gets with jack at this time, so he’s kind of through the roof, and if, maybe, they have a conversation about their ex’s/past lovers and find they have.. more things in common than expected, well, at the least it’s a bit of a laugh and at the most well. let’s just say sometimes a ginger is mentioned in their bed WHATEVER OKAY MOVING ON

dex comes back in the fall ready to suppress the fuck out of his emotions and play some damn good hockey and who appears but this super eager tadpole

this now plays out as the first two chapters of my The Arrangement fic, though i guess now for canonical reasons whiskey ends up with lax bro and not tango, but that’s alright, we’re good at working on our feet here

for those who haven’t read the fic, dex shows whiskey how to gay sex while simultaneously gaining his trust and encouraging him to bond with the team and for personal reasons whiskey is a little shit but not as much of an asshole as he was in canon (look i love the guy but he’s a dick) and anyway go read my fic it’s good i promise #selfspon moving on

the latter half of dex’s sophomore year is spent mostly Not Pining for nursey and getting closer to him, friend wise, until the whole dib-flip, living together situation occurs, dex has a Freak Out, and ruins things a little

..this is getting off track, but long story short, his captains kiss each other on live tv and dex’s family starts to suspect that all those rumors that drifted around him in high school may have more truth to them than they’d been hoping and dex has a less than great summer break, coming back to school in the opposite of a good mindset

nursey also has a not great break (his parents are fighting, then he comes to school and breaks his wrist and can’t play hockey) and well we all know where this ends up

this leaves dex in a very mopey gross state and who to help someone feel better in their time of need than the sweetest little waffle you’ve ever seen in your life?

yes, it’s time for Hops.

now, this is a rather short lived affair, but over thanksgiving break, the entirety of the haus goes home to their families except for dex (who says he can’t deal with bus fare, and begs off any offers of help) and hops, who technically isn’t in the Haus, but stays there for the break while his parents are on a work trip during the holiday

dex ends up finding out just exactly how College Hockey Boy hops is when he almost burns the kitchen down trying to make a grilled cheese and dex decides then that he has to help this boy learn how to human, so they spend the first two days together with dex teaching hops all the basic skills dex thinks someone should know

this is included but not limited to: how to cook without making fire, how to change the oil in your car, how to hotwire a car, how to fix various different appliances, how to take the optimal notes, how to basic code, and how to sort and do your laundry

hops is enjoying the crash course (kid is just grateful to finally know where the detergent goes in a washer) but also, like, lbr. watching someone be competent in a thing--esp a thing you are yourself not good at--is a giant turn on, and so after two days of watching dex be really good at adulting, they settle onto the couch after doing the dishes and hops just gets on his knees and--

we aren’t smutting here on good christian tumblr but boy. hops is an eager kid.

anyway they spend a week fucking and then stop because hops falls in love with a girl in his intro class and then spends the next two months asking dex for advice on how to woo her, even though obviously chowder would be a better bet.

then comes the playoffs and everything is heating up and they’re on roadies nearly every weekend, still keeping up with their coursework, and it’s A Lot, and dex is really feeling it this year, especially with all the shit bitty’s been getting, and one night, on a roadie, he and bully get back to their room and dex collapses with a groan on the bed and bully, chill as anything, is like. “you seem pretty stressed. wanna fuck?”

and, you know what? dex is still his thotty (though more mature) self and he’s like, life sucks a little right now, why not get off

and so he does.

he and bully hook up through the playoffs and into the post-season (that post-final game sex is A Lot my dudes lemme tell you) but then dex gets elected captain and something twisty in his chest tells him that he should not be fucking someone on the team, especially not an underclassman, when he’s got that authority over him, and so he breaks it off with bully

who is pretty chill about it, since he’s bully, though he does miss the sex. the sex was p good.

and, to be quite honest, that’s it. dex wouldn’t fuck any of the baby frogs for the same reason he broke it off with bully (also ngl the senior-freshman thing doesn’t do it for him anymore) and so dex goes through his senior year of college without having any fuckbuddies--his first year of college so far, actually, where he doesn;t

the end

.

.

.

lol jk he and nursey start hooking up and it’s a Whole Bundle of emotions

in keeping with the rest of the fuck buddies, dex thinks that this is just like all the other times and nursey has no reason to think dex wants anything more and like. the sex is good, like very good, and neither of them are complaining per se but they’re also in love and haven’t said anything, and i imagine there are some ill-timed confessions prior to the final game of the playoffs and then they win another ncaa championship title and have sex in a janitor’s closet (but like,, emotional sex) and they live happily (thottily) ever after

i also like to imagine that there’s a point somewhere down the line when they all meet up for a reunion and something happens-- probably ransom and holster get a lil tipsy and finally tell the truth of how they got together-- and everyone basically does the spider-man meme but with “wait-you had sex with dex? i had sex with dex” and nursey--who knows bc dex told him when they finally got together-- is just sitting there all smug with his arm around a steadily reddening dex bc he’s fucking proud of the fact that everyone knows exactly how good his boyfriend is in bed

[nancyxace]

i hate to say it but i def agree the love triangle just isn’t doing it for me anymore…i think it’s just reaching a point where we all know nace has more chemistry and where nancy and ace’s true feelings lie and it’s starting to feel dragged out. there’s also no wayyyy nancy wouldn’t ask what ace was gonna talk to her about before he got taken, especially if she thought it was to share his ROMANTIC feelings like i’m really not sure why she didn’t at least ask in the end scene??? also did she really think she had a chance with ace and that he would go out of his way to try and meet up with her just to ghost her??? like that doesn’t sound like him at all but ok. also nick and george fighting and breaking up and all the harsh truths out of nowhere really caught me so off guard but i’m glad it was all laid out on the table tho so they know now. the whole hexing kids thing scared the crap out of me at the end there. it also pissed me off how no one was more worried about where ace was cause even if he had ghosted nancy, he’s still their friend and a huge part of their friend group??? like the lack of concern was kind of weird especially with them all going to a ball together and not once did anyone ask about him??? 💀💀💀

yes!! dragged out is the perfect way to describe it rn. yeah it's a slow burn but for how long do u let it burn before ppl start to get antsy? i think it also doesn't help that nace have already kind of gone through this sort of thing last season with amanda and gil - the jealousy and such. so maybe that's why this feels a little bit stale as well

honestly i would've just appreciated even a sentence...like nancy pausing, and going "so the meeting in the attic. what was it you wanted to talk me about?" and ace could say "nothing. it's not important anymore" and then a shared look and THEN the goodnight. but for nancy to say nothing was just kind of strange...and made me feel like she'd permanently set her sights on park which isn't what a good triangle is about.

im confident fanson will be ok. but they do seem to do this a lot...back and forth with the arguing.

and NO KIDDING like where did they think he was??? at the very least, i would expect bess to be worried being his platanchor and all.

[uwumessenger]

i love love LOVE ur page pls do rfa and maybe v, saeran, and rika if they were exchange students at rad? 😏

ilysm THANK U :( <3 i love making mmxom! stuff ngl. also, love ur avi :')

for the sake of this let's throw the idea of religion out the window KCJSKDJSKSK bc most of the mm characters are canonically religious and that would make this post a tad more boring...or chaotic. idk

btw i dont usually write for rika but this is an exception ! ;)

zen

when zen wakes up and sees the demon brothers plus diavolo and barbatos, it takes him a minute to process what's in front of him

he would try to go back to the human world so many times...poor bb

since zen is going to be there over the course of a year he would eventually begin to butt heads with asmo. they would not get along...

he'd hate lucifer from the start bc lucifer reminds him of jumin. got along with satan until cats were brought up

irritated by mammon and levi, though he is secretly fond of levi bc levi reminds him of yoosung in a way

is fine with beel, doesnt have many issues with him but is constantly concerned for his skin. totally jealous of beel's body.

diavolo also reminds zen of jumin in a way, but like, if jumin was more likeable.

likes luke and simeon a lot! thinks solomon was brought to freak him out because solomon lowkey resembles zen. like...super lowkey...

hates that it's night all the time

if any of the brothers flirt with him, he'll immediately shoot them down. he's not interested. would never date someone who could outlive and overpower him

visits belphie in the attic once then never returns. he knows a thing or two because he's seen a thing or two

yoosung

yoosung is screaming and crying so much diavolo actually considers sending him back to the human world.

literally, the entire first day is yoosung BAWLING and swatting the brothers away like flies

eventually he warms up to levi, and levi only. he befriends luke and simeon too, but is suspicious of solomon. doesnt like barbatos bc he thinks he's like jihyun...

doesnt visit belphie in the attic, period. he shits bricks when he sees lucifer so if lucifer says not to go up to the attic, yoosung obeys

even if the brothers start flirting, yoosung would never notice. he's way too oblivious! he becomes more like family, because he kinda resonates with them and the whole lilith thing.

but he actually has a fairly good time. may or may not turn into a cult leader like his dear cousin afterward, though...

jaehee

simply accepts her fate and agrees to spend the year in devildom

tells lucifer all about jumin...then comes to learn that lucifer is actually more like her and v?

she and satan get along well, but she befriends barbatos and spends most of her time with him and luke instead. baking and bonding over being pushed around by their bosses :')

helps diavolo with some of his work and gives him a lot of pointers for organization!

she would not like mammon. he reminds her of elizabeth the third.

one of the few who actually helps belphie out of the attic ! except when belphie tries to kill her, she'd fight him. and win. ur not allowed to disagree teehee

she most likely wouldnt pursue any romantic relationships with anyone bc she simply isnt interested in any of them HAHAHA

after the program ends she'd be one of the few who actually keep in touch with everyone, and would follow the canon storyline (minus all romantic interactions).

jumin

caught off guard bc wtf? is that....his twin?

the whole room is distracted bc of how much jumin and lucifer resemble one another, at least physically

hates every second of it and makes it very clear

although he likes talking with satan, and diavolo and barbatos

gives belphie some kind of inspirational asshole speech...doesnt help him out of the attic at all

jumin would actually come up with an escape plan and it'd be flawless. he would actually successfully escape back to the human world at least once

but the others have like, powers and shit so they can easily bring him back

would ghost everyone after the end, especially solomon

saeyoung

he thinks hes in a coma. doesnt believe it's real at all

when he does realize it's real, it's too late, he's being killed by belphie JCJZMXJSM

after hes brought back he warms up to everyone a bit more and is much more respectful of the environment.

he likes levi the most because when hes with him it's like hes with yoosung again! introduces levi to LOLOL, and they actually get to play with yoosung online every now and then

unfortunately for the obey me men, none of them are saeyoung's type. he does like that everyone is swooning over him tho

he warns all of them to keep things lowkey because of his hacker job, and says that it's too dangerous for them to visit him in the human world

before he leaves he gifts everyone some kind of gadget as a way to remember him. gives the whole im-dangerous-man speech, then disappears, never to be seen by them again.

saeran

so we're talking saeran as in good ending saeran, right? because this mf is getting sent straight back to the human world if it was suit saeran 💀✋🏻

and if it was only ray, he'd be crying the whole time. poor kid.

anyway he totally lets belphie out of the attic. naturally, belphie reminds him of himself, so he tries to help.

i think after everything settles down saeran would warm up to beel and belphie the most because their dynamic reminds him of his and saeyoung's. he easily relates to belphie and all of belphie's issues, and wants to help him through it!

like his brother, saeran is uninterested in everyone romantically because none of them are his type. he may or may not have had a fling with satan, but satan was giving off too much rika vibes /:

keeps in touch with them and will help them when they visit the human world

v

v is similar to jaehee where he simply accepts the situation at hand

v and solomon would be really good friends omg CAN YOU IMAGINE????

two old men just cracking jokes and cooking poisonous food!

he is the only person who is immune to solomon's cooking.

helps belphie out of the attic. somehow doesnt allow himself to nearly get killed tho

mammon accidentally becomes his therapist...! and everybody except for belphie thinks he should break up w rika

v might have a fat crush on asmo...or maybe even diavolo. but wont touch asmo bc his bff is solomon. pursues diavolo on the down low

rika

oh gosh...she'd get sent straight back to the human world.

if you want someone who will help create peace among the three realms, you are not going to achieve anything with rika.

if she did manage to stay back, though, she'd probably be able to weave her way into levi's heart

she gets along well with satan

when it comes to the whole belphie thing? oh no. OH. NO.

this mf would probably help belphie kill off the entire human population 😭 the whole obey me storyline would flip upside down and they'd start another war

interesting concept ngl