#life's been total shit this week

[orcelito]

showing off the commission i got from @ruporas for my fic, In the Next Life!

i'm still so incredibly excited about this. it's been some months since the story event that caused these scars, but i wanted SO BADLY to be able to see what they'd actually Look like... & Here They Are.

ruporas rendered the scars So Well, i just cant stop Looking at them... there's a Fresh & a Healed version, which ruporas was kind enough to give me without additional charge (Thank U Again😭😭) so i get to see what it looks like at different stages.

Lichtenberg Figures. in terms of actual scarring, lightning strikes that people survive don't tend to leave permanent scars, but the lichtenberg figures that they (usually temporarily) leave behind are just So Cool... Now, what happens when you get someone who can survive an amount of electricity/lightning that would be Frankly Lethal to any normal human person?

This :]

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

[seilon]

I wish I could tell every young person with a uterus (especially with bad cramps and/or dysphoria and/or depression, etc) that there is a decent chance they just straight up don’t need to live with that. don’t let the stigma surrounding contraceptives and the expectation that you should just ride it out and suffer win. for the love of god if there’s a chance you can lighten or even stop your period and it’s symptoms all-together, unless there’s a legit health concern, your doctor should at least make you aware of that option. I want every young person to know that “birth control” is not just for birth control and it has the potential to make your life infinitely easier to live. do not give in to anti-pill propaganda im serious

[egipci]

re: your flash-fic 'tutorial' (lol), I'm curious: what was "the sentence" that sparked your last few fics? (your choice)

do they normally survive until the final draft?

hello dear friend <3 so I would say a lot of the time "the sentence" ends up being the first or last sentence of a story, but sometimes it goes somewhere in the middle, especially in a longer piece, in which case I'm kinda stuck until I find another sentence to go first. A lot of the time for a flash I need both the first and the last sentence before I even start writing, so I have a general sense of the sound of the story. And I really try to make sure it survives, but it doesn't always happen, in which case it lives somewhere in my drafts until I write a new story for it (if I actually remember, but the good ones tend to stick around!)

So like, for "Vertigo," I'd already had the first sentence playing around in my mind for a long time, and I actually lifted it from a Mary POV fic I was working on (that sentence is sort of a madlib of a first sentence I really like from a Kathryn Davis short story-- which is a great way to come up with "sentences"). And then a final sentence came to me, which according to my gdoc history is

"But then you turned your head up to the sky, so I looked up, and it was huge and black, super-infinite."

I really really wanted the last word to be "super-infinite." I was very much in a John Donne mood (cf. fleas and mysterious bitey things in this story and in "Chorus"). I played around with all variations of "the sky was black and it was super-infinite," and "it was black and super-infinite," and "it was huge and black and super-infinite," "black, super-infinite" etc. for probably way too long. There was a weird discordant thing going on where I didn't necessarily want to write this story in first person, but that last line demanded it. And then by the time I'd finished the bulk of the story that line had to go, in part because of logical/practical concerns, e.g. how are they looking at each other if they sky is black? but also because it didn't sound right. First-person can very easily veer on excessively sentimental, and a fic context is doubly perilous because we know how the characters talk (not that 1st person fic has to sound like a monologue off the show or anything, but you know). And so it was cut, but having it as scaffolding was really helpful for me to figure out that I wanted that stargazing moment and the feeling of smallness that comes with that, which (hopefully) is more subtly translated in "to feel us so small again..."

For "Chorus" the "sentence" was also the first sentence, which had been floating around in a j/d draft since like, May 2022. It was initially "we hung from the rafters" (which now that I think about it could have worked, "We hang from the rafters and we watch," but I guess I liked the rhythm of those first four sentences more: "We watch from the rafters. It’s dusk. He’s in love. We send him home."

For "Miles Ahead" the sentence was that opening fragment and the last line as a unit. "What I was trying to tell you---" came first and I played around with it for a while until I got "is I’ll take you anywhere," and then all the stuff in the middle (the interruption/flashback) came in after. Needless to say, many many hours were spent agonizing over "I'll take you anywhere" vs. "I'd take you anywhere," but I liked the tense-trickery of the first one more.

For this (older) flash, the sentence was the (incredibly baroque lol) final phrase that had been on my mind for a while -- "quiet for little Sammy sleeping, then vigil for little Sammy gone"-- and the whole story is basically written to get to it.

In "Dubuque" (which started off as a flash) the sentence was the first sentence: "In the space of three hours that no-good son of a bitch Lee Webb had Dean swaying on his feet," but the reason the story ended up going further was this bit in the middle: "fingertips over strong muscle loving him and loving the weight of him. Loving his danger. His masculinity," which felt excessive to throw in in a flash.

But like, sometimes the sentence is not a sentence and just more of a story structure I want to play with. This story from earlier this year stalled for a couple of days after I nailed the opening until I remembered Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl," so that inspired the structure there. This birthday story has no stand-out "sentence," I just liked the rhythm of "Dad said and Dean said and Sam said," etc. (Though just now I'm noticing the sentence is basically the whole story!)

[anaalnathrakhs]

it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

[brinkle-brackle]

✨️trouble with a capital t✨️

hi hello fellow trekkies please hear me out

[leieryx]

Hey! I’m really sorry things aren’t going to well for you right now. I wanted to tell you that you’re really cool, I love being mutuals with you!

Here’s a motivational Senshi! It’s gonna be okay, I promise!

thank you so much i know i didnt answer when you posted this i havent answered much but it mean t a lot :] thumbs up!

[zoldyckd]

need therapy again.

[bicon-crange]

update on my horrendous situation btw: it is still ongoing and at this point i am considering self sabotage

[orcelito]

ok i finished re-editing ITNL chapter 6 & posted it. also i finished chapter 5 yesterday & forgot to say anything lskdjfslkdjf

man. chapter 6 sure is something. lots of catharsis here.

[chibikinesis]

.

[pr]

i mean i do not personally relate to sweet nothing being about mothers in general like....at all lol. my mother uses any and every vulnerability of mine against me eventually so i cant super relate to the softness and comfort of having a mom to run home to. but its just so andrea swift it makes me wanna die

[composeregg]

Fun 5am facts about Egg tonight

I was marked down in Spanish in high school for not rolling my R's because I am like physically incapable of it and I never realized how bullshit that was until like now. Like when I try it hurts. And no one listened to me say I can't, they just told me to try harder.

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[imwritesometimes]

I've reached that stage in creativity stagnation where I once again go back and read my own fics and go omg this is good.... how'd I ever do this???

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Well, he was talking to me again. Now he's gone. Approaching three days now with no word. Legitimately don't understand. How can you be telling someone how much you want them and then not say shit for several days? This is what happened last time he stopped talking to me, too. It's as if he has to go do a hard reset for a week any time he shows vulnerability. I get that so many men are taught that emotions = weakness, but this is wack. Pack that toxic masculinity bullshit up and fucking kiss me already I swear to god.